#and the time it truly all started to crumble was when i discovered what they did to the shrine of life

[ganondoodle]

I was at first in love with totk, and I still think mechanical wise, its quite impressive

And when I collected all the tears and saw the "story" I genuinely got upset in a good way (at first), because man! Did they really got the balls to go that far? Is there nothing I can do for her? Now I MUST do all the temples, see how it plays out and --oh, I've got this cutscene already. Why are all the people so dumb about Zelda, I KNOW where she is, Link say something-- Link??

After finishing all the temples and almost falling asleep, I stopped playing the game, looked up the last boss and remaining cutscenes and went "Thats it?"

Watching other people (including you) being critically about so many things, both character and mechanical wise, I've almost startled myself with a realization what the gnawing feeling I constantly had, actually was.

Totk feels like a fanfic.

And don't get me wrong, I love fanfiction, I think its great and important, I adore fanfic writers, I love finding gems, I love reading self indulgent stories, see new spins and interpretation of characters. I love the casual, the passion, the creativity!

But totk gives me the same feeling everytime I am reminded that Fifty Shades is a Twillight fanfic.

The world is there. The faces I know and grew to love are there. But everything is ever so slightly different, uncannily so. Just how some characters talk, how they act, how they were placed in the story. The Zonai appearing out of nowhere, but no, they always had been there you see, they were these super magical advanced people but they all died, the king is so tragic. And you see, the king is super cool and powerful and-- oh I dont get to interact with him outside of the tutorial. Did they try to do another King Rhoam-- but wait, that only worked because we didn't knew he was a ghost-- totk wait stop why do you take him out of the story, why couldn't he be a companion, he IS ABLE TO TALK THROUGH THE ARM LET THE OLD GOAT COMMENT ON STUFF?? If you bring up all this ancient stuff and you still got a ghost lingering, let him talk?? (I never ended up getting Mineru but I smell wasted potential as well)

Im not even mad, I am disappointed. It feels like the devs saw what all the lore hunters got attached to and talked about and then just... took the "cool". All the Zonai stuff could've easily been Sheikah tech, but got just reskinned to look more exciting instead of being its own thing.

Like... at this point I prefer what fans are doing over what Totk gave us. The characterization of Rauru (and everything Zonai), projects like you do of what totk couldve been, the little nuggets of actual highlights and details of love fans find in the game. I found much more enjoyment in these concepts than I got from a 70bucks game. And thats depressing.

I love fanfiction. I dont love it when my corporate 70 dollar, six year development, console exclusive game feels like a story that passionate fan couldve written miles better in a week (and I've already seen much cooler and interesting rewrites and ideas).

Zelda has been a huge part of my childhood and its depressing seeing it treated like that. It always was about the story, the epic, its The Legend of Zelda for crying out loud. To be courageous to enter a dungeon, to be wise and solve all the riddles. To become powerful over the journey you embarked on. Zelda to me is the campfire story you tell to others and go into the woods or the beach and imagine what monsters you would slay. Zelda is not the sandcastle you build in the sandbox and then add dinosaurs and star wars ships because you didn't had any other toys, and just stumble into and over some story to entertain yourself until lunch is ready.

I'd have an oracle of seasons over another totk any day at this point. They should've just make the mechanics of totk its own thing, but I guess they were scared it wouldn't sell if it doesn't have a Mario or Zelda skin straped over it.

Anyways, sorry for the mini rant - love your art, love your thoughts and insights, and I am looking forward to see more of it - Zelda related or not (your original characters look amazing, I adore your style sm)

Hope you have a great rest of the day!

*nods along through this entire rant*

idk how many of my rants you have read but yeah ... yeah ... and the further you think about it the further it all falls apart, the wasted potential of it all and the goddamn audacity of them to do those interviews in which they make it EVEN WORSE is just

i know the expectation for a direct sequel to botw was huge and understandbly so but i really REALLY think it would not have been that hard to make it a good follow up even taking into account that totk was originally a DLC, pretty much all of botws aspects could have been developed further, i dont know what could have happened to make totk have turned out like this .. literally it feels like something had to have gone wrong, its like someone who doesnt know zelda nor botw at all was given a few prompts and then just made some generic fantasy story while the rest worked on ultrahand for 5 years

the technical impressive things ARE technical impressive, but i dont think it was necessary nor served the game well in any way (and i LOVE building games- however totk is neither a building game nor a story game nor a zelda game nor an exploration game nor a sequel imo) but zelda, this zelda, is not made for that and i cant help but think it was mainly to encourage people to make some ridiculous mechs so it can go viral on tiktok (not trying to discredit them, it IS cool what they are doing but i .... have my doubts if zelda is the right place for that)

ill stop there bc i have ranted so much about everything i dont wanna repeat it here again; it just doesnt feel like a real game (derogatory), it feels extra bad bc i was not really into zelda when botw came out and while i did get it as soon as i could (months after release since i just started a minijob and didnt have the money) i only over time grew to love zelda this much again, devouring any theories and anything about it bc i loved it so much- i was never into it like this when a new title was announced and dont own any special editions so i bought the totk collectors bc i was just so damn excited for it after the 2019 trailer dropped (god i want that time back ... it looked so much more like it was going to be an actual sequel) even if i was already worried it wouldnt be good at that point given how much i started to sense stuff i dont like about the newer trailers

i recently sold it at our local gameshop bc it was like a thorn in my side given how expensive it was and how dissapointed i was in the game, i genuinely think that, technical impressiveness aside, totk is the onyl zelda i truly cannot stand (for alot of reasons) and im genuinely worried for the future of the franchise

i bought an Oki (Okami) figurine for what i got back and i feel much happier with that :3

(also on a note, i did finish the game two weeks after release but stopped playing it right then and hadnt touched it since, i also streamed all of what i played and its still up if you want to see my slow descend into madness fjkdhkdhjk though its been a long while since then and i by far did not talk about everything back then, just what my most immediate frustrations were while still playing)

(also the gameplay isnt as good as people make it out to be, so much is so frustrating and punishing to use i am kinda baffled it got through like that and most people call that its best aspect ..... though i guess if the rest is so much worse even mid gameplay can seem good ooooooooh how dare i)

also thank you for liking what i do!!! <3 it means alot to know it is appreciated by someone :D

#ganondoodles answers #zelda #totk #ganondoodles rants #in my playthorugh i genuinely tried to be super open to what its offering me #but i think its pretty clear that i could see were it was going pretty soon and tried to fight my fear #and then i ended up being right #like i even went out of my way to get the memories and dungeons in turns so i wouldnt spoil anything #and still you can see me get sadder and dissappointed with each new memory i got #and the time it truly all started to crumble was when i discovered what they did to the shrine of life #pretty sure after i got all the lightroots and all i got was a you did it sticker i jsut gave up and went to the end #and after that i found the endfight fun so i played it a few more times #but the last few streams were mostly me ranting jkdfngvkjdfnhgjkdf #for this price its pretty bad #idk why so many people are okay with this tbh #zelda fans deserve better #i think the wasted potential and insulting treatment of both lore - botw and even the player is what frustrates me so much #sidenote i love the username bc there sure are words #alot of them even #(good) #i have done so much ranting it feels good to read someone elses rant about similar frustrations

[alilarew23]

the first manifestation is [in] the body

i want you to genuinely ask yourself if the reason you’re struggling to shift states is really due to a lack of faith/belief in your power as god of your reality or if it’s because you’re biologically addicted to the stress hormones associated with “trying” to manifest your desires.

i think most people, like myself, discover the law of assumption at a time when their inner/outer worlds have crumbled.

they’ve lost something or someone dear to their hearts. they’ve been fired. the business deal they thought for sure they had in the bag fell through.

but here, someone on tiktok says, i have a solution. decide what you want. affirm and persist until it shows up.

now, to be clear, i am by no means against affirmations if they work for you, if you’re truly repeating phrases as a means of reminding yourself you already have/are that which you desire to be, or if said repetition helps you shift states.

if something works for you, great.

keep repeating.

but i think there’s a general misunderstanding surrounding the term “persist” that can (and often does) have seriously detrimental implications for people first learning about/applying the law, especially those who haven’t read or listened to material from neville or edward art (yes, there are other wonderful teachers, but for me, the neville-edward duo is where to start).

persist, put simply, means to know, to continually accept your assumption as true despite lack of immediate evidence in your physical world.

acceptance does not imply—and does not demand—any work on the part of the assumer.

acceptance is by nature gentle.

it is a pleasant, “yes, i already am. yes, everything already is. yes, my prayer has been answered. thank you.”

but there’s this energy a lot of supposed-teachers have attached to the term that makes those applying the law think they need to work.

PERSIST PERSIST PERSIST UNTIL IT SHOWS UP.

meaning, if you are not working, if you are not affirming and visualizing and scripting and SATS-ing every second until who knows the exact moment your desire materializes, it will not materialize.

which then gets people in the state of working, of trying, which by nature has force/anxiety attached to it.

which implies not being/having.

how can you work to get something you already have?

how can you try to become something you already are?

when people start to realize this, usually because they either get exhausted and depressed from all work and no results, or they manifest their first neville book that begins re-orient their relationship to the law, they might have the realization that, oh! this can be…mind-bogglingly easy.

like, i legit just decide i have/am something and go about my life and it appears in my physical world?

what a relief!

but then…immediate anxiety sets in.

NOT, at least i don’t think—and of course this isn’t always the case, there are exceptions—because they don’t believe in the law or intuitively know/feel their power to select and step into the reality of their dreams, the one inherently granted to them by their god-selves, but instead because they have trained their bodies to not trust—to not feel safe within—their power.

to not allow for the naturalness of having/being what they desire to effortlessly take over.

which is the key to successful manifestation.

it’s like, oh, ok, it’s done!

but five minutes later, the body says, where is all that anxious energy i’ve been hit with non-stop for the past seven months?

now, if they could sit with this discomfort, they might realize that, actually, that *lack* of anxious energy is a signal to the inner man/subconscious mind/whatever you want to call it that—hell yeah! we have this thing now!—hence the immediate build-traverse of the bridge of events, and a rapid materialization of said desire in the physical world because they are living in the end (present, not desiring)—and that realization might make it easier to stay in the being/having state.

but instead, there’s the bodily pull-back to the trying state.

which leads only to more exhaustion and frustration and depression and the cycle begins itself again.

but there’s such an easy fix.

i did it.

you can do it, too.

here it is.

STAY.

in that feeling of relief. of ease. of almost-disbelief.

at all costs.

it sounds so silly to say your life depends on you sitting in this sort of discomfort, because—what?

how could simply being/knowing/gently accepting be this uncomfortable?

it shouldn’t be, and i’m genuinely sorry for all of us who have had to do the work of un-learning the persist-work stuff, but also, maybe it isn’t work.

maybe this, too, can be easy.

gentle acceptance.

we already are. everything already is.

it is a blessing to exist in and accept this naturalness.

#law of assumption #loa tumblr #loa #loassumption #neville goddard #edward art #self concept #manifestation #mindset #states of consciousness #affirm and persist #desire

[gatorbites-imagines]

Could you possibly do a Jason Todd x Male reader Hurt/ comfort smut?

Jason had been going into a depressive episode little by little, has well has his truama coming back.

So the reader decides that he is going to do something that he feels no one has done in a while.

When Jason gets out of the shower still in just a towel, the reader stops him from getting dressed and leads him to their shared bed. Jason is actually a little anxious at this, because he can't quite read the facial expression. Starts to overthink a little, then the reader tells Jason to lay down on the bed. The reader starts kisses every scar on Jason's body, leaving no cut too small to kiss.

Jason slowly going into subspace has the reader tells him, he's not what joker made him, or what Batman wants him to be. But he's 'my sweet boy' and telling Jason how much of a good boyfriend he is. Instead of them having sex, to Jason it actually feels like they are making love.

Jason Todd x male reader

Headcanons

Guess who’s not dead, just been battling major writers block and spending my free time playing Obey me Nightbringer. Idk if this is as smutty as you had hoped, but I hope you like it anyways.

It wasn’t unusual for Jason to spiral or backpedal when it came to his mental health. Dying and being brought back to life can be plenty damaging on your psyche and mix that with everything else in Jason’s life it’s no surprise he crumbles at times.

Jason, as much as he hates to admit it, is similar to Bruce when it comes to his weaknesses. He likes to hide them and ignore they’re existence until the feelings pass, so you’d have to figure out he’s struggling on your own.

Its either discovered on your own, or its because you two have dated for a long time and he truly feels safe with you, and tells you about his mental state.

So, when you notice him spiraling again, you decide to take care of him the way he deserves. So, rolling up your sleeves, you get to work getting everything ready.

You get his favorite things, like snacks and drinks, fins his favorite movies or shows, his comfort blankets and clothes, incase he wants to wear said clothes, and get your shared bedroom ready.

When Jason steps out of the bathroom its clear just from his body language that he’s about to collapse in on himself, from his slumped shoulders and pained eyes, its not hard to see.

When Jason goes to get dressed you lead him away from it, kiss him softly, and lead him towards your shared bed whilst pulling the towel off his hips.

He’s anxious of course, because his mental state isn’t really on his side and keeps filling his head with lies, that he isn’t good enough for you and is disgusting.

But Jason can’t stop his soft cock from thickening up with blood as you rub your hands down his front as you push him down onto the sheets. It’s not difficult to get Jasons body into gear, as he’s touch starved and aches for your touch on a good day.

Jason can only half bury his face into the pillow as you rub him down, a shuddered breath leaving him as you start pressing soft wet kisses all over his body, nipping at his skin at times and running your tongue over some of his scars.

In the beginning he tenses when you touch his scars, but when the praise starts Jason almost melts into the mattress. His thick muscular thighs fall apart like your Moses parting the red sea, his body immediately quivering as he grows harder and harder.

Jason will shyly look down at you as you work your way down his stomach, his thighs twitching as you kiss a scar in the seam between his thigh and his crotch. He’s red in the face and is regularly swallowing as spit gathers in his mouth. Jasons scarred hands are gripping onto the pillow and sheets as a lifeline, his body wound tight like the string on a bow.

When you move away from his crotch to kiss down his legs he whines, oh so softly and broken, a keen that comes from deep in his chest, that he is extremely embarrassed for making.

But when you run the flat of your tongue over the inner side of his knee, his hard length twitches against his stomach, dripping precum into a tiny wet puddle. His cock is turning red from lack of attention, and Jasons hitched breaths sound almost like he’s crying.

In the beginning Jason would fight subspace, as part of him doesn’t believe he deserves the relief of it, but all your praise and kisses and attention chips away at his resolve, and when he finally tumbles clumsily into the comfort of subspace, you make sure to praise him so much.

When you work him open Jason just takes it, drooling into the fabric of the pillow as he struggles to keep his legs open, to give you room to work. Jason ends up reaching a point where he can’t even speak with how deeply he’s floating, you still make sure he’s fully along for the ride. It ends up getting you many frustrated and whiny whimpers when you keep stopping for his approval, but you want to make fully sure.

When you push inside him Jason almost sobs, finally looking you in the eye with his wet puppy dog eyes. His pretty pink lips are in a pout, and you can’t stop yourself from leaning in and taking it between your teeth to give it a nibble and a suckle.

The two of you start sloppily kissing as you begin moving, your hips drawing back and forth with little to no rhythm, your tongues running against one another with little rhyme nor reason.

Jason shakily wraps his arms around you, breathless begs passing his lips for you to move faster, to make him feel more pleasure, to give him what you think he deserves.

But you never move hard enough to hurt him, only laying it on even thicker with the praise and love, and the love is what ends up making Jason cry as his heart feels so full by your side.

There is no rush to your coupling, the two of you taking all the time you need, your mutual orgasms drawing up slowly over time. They start in your toes and slowly climb their way up your legs, up your spine, and finally you both burst together.

The wobbly wet whimper Jason lets out when he finishes it all you need to push you over the edge, because that noise is only one he ever truly lets out when he feels open and loved enough to be vulnerable, and knowing he feels like that for you is all the push you need.

Aftercare is an absolute, no matter the mental state either of you are in. Even if you two have a quickie you always check up on each other, so when you are finally able to carefully pull you, much to Jason’s warbled complaints, you make sure to take care of him.

The praise and love keep leaving your lips as you wipe him down with a warm damp cloth, kissing his palms and the soles of his feet as you clean him up, his eyes unseeing but brimming with love and trust.

Jason seems against the idea of getting dressed, so you two just end up snuggling under a clean blanket you readied earlier, your scarred lover cuddled into your neck, tucked right up under your chin where he can feel your pulse and hear you breathe.

One of Jasons favorite movies is playing in the background, but your partner is still floating off somewhere in subspace, so you just hold him and love on him until he drifts away into a dreamless sleep, his soft breaths being all you need to know that he’s asleep.

#male reader #jason todd #red hood #dc #justice league #titans #jason todd imagine #jason todd headcanon #jason todd x male reader #jason todd x reader #red hood x male reader #red hood imagine #red hood x reader #red hood headcanon #dc imagine #dc headcanon #dc x male reader #dc x reader #justice league headcanon #justice league imagine #justice league x reader #justice league x male reader #titans imagine #titans headcanon #titans x male reader #titans x reader

[strawbabysimp]

Mihawk, Zoro & Marco With a Teasing Yet Shy in Bed S/O HCs

Request: hi! i just discovered your blog and your handwriting is nice ! can i have hc's for Mihawk, Zoro and Marco with a teasing s/o and quite open but shy in bed ? thanks <3

A/N: I've had this request for almost as long as I've had this blog TT I was in no rush to finish it since it involves characters I didn't plan to write for but I wanted to push myself :) Feedback on how I characterized them is welcome since I'm new to this Mihawk & Marco business lol <3

Mihawk

Mihawk is the type to kiss you gently whenever you start to get shy, mumbling sweet teasing words against your lips as you blush further. He just can't resist seeing you this way.

He'll press his mouth against your neck, trying to coax your true desires out of you with soft presses of his lips against your flushed skin. He loves to be able to feel your breathe shutter against his own body from the proximity as you grow more and more affected.

Once you do garner up the courage to proclaim your wants he'll push himself up with his hands in order to peer down at you, smirking in both pride and lust. He doesn't allow you to stop then however, he'll have your words guide his body accordingly, giving into your every desire as he searches for his own pleasure.

He's the most talkative with a partner such as this, tending to pair his teasing with words of endearment. Mihawk has a seemingly endless arsenal of pet names to use as he repeats your own begging back to you. "You want me to touch you? You're going to need to be more specific if you want this to continue, darling."

Zoro

Zoro's cheeks flush when you flirt with him in front of familiar faces, his breath catching in his throat for a moment as he thinks of how to respond. Sometimes dismisses your antics with a roll of the eyes, other times he allows himself to grab ahold of you and offer you tame affection with a promise of more later. He's still figuring out how to balance friendship with romance, not sure what to restrain and what to embrace - but he loves that he has the chance to learn.

He can be pretty shy himself in bed, usually internalizing it, since he's not used to the level of closeness found in a romantic relationship. Your shyness sparks something in him however and gives him the confidence to take the lead, asking how it makes you feel during certain parts and if you're enjoying it every step of the way.

Guiding you along and asking just what you like as he continues to kiss and maneuver your body in ways that have both of your cheeks flushing is one of his favorite things. "Does that feel good? You like how I touch you, don't you? You can't even try to hide it when you're blushing like that."

His breath always stutters slightly as he stares down at you, your timid demeanor making him ache even more. He wanted to make you fall apart entirely, seeing you start off bashful before letting go as pleasure takes over is truly a sight to behold.

Marco

Your shyness is all a big game to him. Cradling you close to himself as he smiles brightly at your red cheeks and downcast eyes."What happened to all that big talk earlier? I thought you wanted me like this? Don't be all shy now."

"Come on baby bird~ You were teasing me so much out there, where did all that confidence go."

He probably will laugh at your antics, calling out "babyyyyy" as he makes no move to hide just how cute he finds your reddening cheeks. Despite this teasing, however, he will whisper in your ear in a serious tone to ask if you're still okay with what you two are doing. He wants to make sure you're comfortable despite your shy demeanor. He'll pull away once you answer, staring at you seriously for a moment, before breaking out into another smile as he peppers your face and neck with kisses in affection.

He loves making you beg him to act on all those dirty things you asked for earlier. You always start off shy but when he finally gets your resolve to crumble it's all worth it. His mouth rumbles against your most sensitive areas as he laughs lightly at your pathetic attempts at restraint, your body shaking from the prolonged build-up.

#Headcanons #Smut #Zoro #Mihawk Headcanons #Zoro Headcanons #Marco Headcanons #Mihawk #Mihawk Smut #Zoro Smut #Marco Smut #Mihawk x Reader #Zoro x Reader #Marco x Reader #One Piece #OP #Hawkeye Mihawk #Roronoa Zoro #Marco The Phoenix

[caplanbuckybarnes]

Okay, you want some fic titles? How about: "Hello, My Old Heart" "The Kermie to my Piggy" "Flower and Garden or Food and Wine" - BONUS, this one has to involve Disney World somehow "Wordle Cheat" "Going Off Grid" Annnnnd now that I've scared you, I hope something comes from one or more of these.

this was sitting in my drafts, idk how long it's been, holy moly.

Hello, my old heart

Genre: angst

I'd write this for stucky x reader, tbh. you grew up together i nthe 40s.... enlisted in the army with steve and bucky when they joined.constantly always got shit for joinging because you were a female, but you always had your boys to protect you.

They were your first loves, truly. you had all of your firsts together; kiss, relationship, heartaches, everything. but that all changed when bucky went missing in the line of duty. you and steve searched everywhere for him, with no luck.

Then cap went missing. and you searched everywhere you could in order to find him. But when you boarded the plane to locate them further, the plane crashed.

you'd woken up decades later only to discover that Steve and bucky were alive and healthy-- and MUCH bigger than you remembered.

--

"The Kermie to my Piggy"

Genre: Fluffy

You'd always had silly nicknames for Tony; batsy wannabe, millionair daddy, iron clad bod. But recently, with him having Morgan around teh place a lot more often now that Pepper had tragicially passed away, the three of you started watching Sesame Street together... Eventually,. he'd called you Misses Piggy and the nickanbme had stuck until your wedding day years later.

--

"Flower and Garden or Food and Wine"

Genre: Fluffy

"Look, the castle!" Excitedly, you tapped on Peter's arm, nearly giving him an injury in your haste as the CInderella's castle came into view as you walked into the parks.

"Y/N, I'm hungry," peter pouts, much to your excitement.

"LEt's go, i know where they have the BEST food in here!"

---

Wordle Cheat

Genre: Fluffy

"Is the damn solution your name, Bucky?" you asked, throwing a couch pillow at him from across the room, only to hit a lamp and see it crash to the floor.

"Maybe," he stuck out his tongue playfully as he successfully figured out the word you chose for the eighth time.

"I hate you," you pouted as he came over to you and gave your forehead a kiss.

---

Going Off Grid

"What the hell does this even mean?" you asked, looking at Tony for answers as you erad teh crumbled up note in your hand. "Tony, what the fuck is Steve doing? Is he suicidal?"

"My dad always claimed that Steve would have sacrificed himself to save Bucky. Tony shrugged. "I never understood his obsessions with Cap, but i know love when i see it."

"He shouldn't have gone off without anyone! he could get hurt!" you had enough discussions and left toyn's bedroom, ignoring every insticnt in your body to stay put as yuo readied yourself to find your best friend.

SEND A FIC TITLE FOR A SMIDGE OF A FICLET!

#sorry this took forever #cappy answers

[isimpfortoomanypeople]

The photo of you- Eddie Munson x Female Reader

Eddie loves you more than anything in the world, he keeps a photo of you in his wallet everywhere he goes. It’s because of his love for you he decided to keep your relationship a secret, sharing small glances across the halls and date nights at one of your houses, whatever he can to stop the torment he was receiving to be thrown upon you. Till one day he photo gets discovered and Jason decides to humiliate Eddie for it.

Warnings: just Jason being an asshole and that’s about it

A/N: I’ve written an angsty Eddie fic so I decided to be nice to everyone and release the happier fic first. I haven’t abandoned my other works in progress it’s just that stranger things oneshots have been flooding my brain. I may have portrayed D&D wrong but I just joined last term (semester) at my uni (college) so I’m still a newbie so sorry if I get somethings wrong. Im Also from the U.K. sorry if it sounds overly British in some parts. Apologies for all spelling and grammatical mistakes as I’m super dyslexic, enjoy

Eddie sighed massaging the stress out of his temples. Tonight was and dare he say it, the worst campaign of hellfire he has ever had the displeasure to DM!

He had to call the campaign off half and hour into the game. Sinclair had a stupid balls and laundry basket game, Erica was sick so she couldn’t be his sub, Mike was spending time with El as he was visiting her for the week. The campaign crumbled the second it started especially without some of its most promising players, so he had to call it quits. Which of course was met by complaints and grumbles from the remaining players as they got out of their seats to leave. Honestly some people think that dungeon master is easily the most laid back role in the campaign but it couldn’t be further from the truth. You have to spend hours perfecting the next instalment so it continues on from where the game ended last time, making character sheets, remembering what has happened to each character and so on and so forth.

Being an dungeon master was no easy feat but Eddie does love it, he loves seeing the engrossed faces of all the players as they’re lead into battle to defeat orcs or dragons, he loves how electric the atmosphere gets when someone has to roll to get a critical hit it’s as if all time stops together and you’re truly there, it blurs the lines between reality and fiction for 2 hours, it’s truly a sight to behold. But most importantly Eddie for 2 hours is able to not be Eddie the freak Munson but rather someone who people regard with respect and admiration, yes he has learnt to grow thick skin just to survive day to day and has learnt to let all the insults and sneers not to get to him. But even the most toughest people deserve that small window of respite.

“Jesus H Christ!” He jumped as he felt a pair of arms circle around his waist pressing their body into his.

“Sorry baby, I didn’t mean to scare you” you giggled, pressing a kiss to his messy curls. You felt him melt into your touch, rubbing small circles into your forearms letting out that sigh he’s been holding in all night.

“What’s wrong?” You questioned not use to seeing him so stressed out especially after hellfire, resting your chin on his shoulder. Inhaling his signature sent of cigarettes which you’ve grown to find comforting, it was the smell of him, it was the smell of home.

“2 members dropped out of tonights campaign, and one of their subs was sick. So I had to deal with the shit of having to cut the campaign short which made the others pissed off at me, if they think that being a DM is easy they’re more than welcome to take over hellfire” he spat out with a mixture of frustration and exhaustion.

You both knew he didn’t mean that, he adored hellfire and all of the members. You sometimes joked to Eddie that he loved Hellfire more than you, which always ended up with you squealing as he peppered your face in kisses till you couldn’t breathe, him proclaiming how much he loved you more than anything in the world.

But you knew he was stressed, you could feel the knots in his shoulders turning to steel as frustration took a hold of every nerve in his body. So you didn’t try to crack your usual jokes as his mind was already burning in a fiery rage.

You placed another kiss to his temple

“How about you come to mine later? My parents are out of town for the week, I can get a six pack and we can watch that film I rented from family video?” You suggested, laughing as you heard his breath hitch in excitement

“You mean nightmare on elm street?” you mumbled in agreement, he sounded like Christmas has came early to him.

“What did i ever do to deserve a girl like you sweetheart” he smiled, turning you to face him, placing a tender kiss on your lips.

It felt good to give him that distraction that he needed, that his sour mood sweeten in a matter of moments. But that’s Eddie for you, he’s like a puppy, he gets excited and distracted by the smallest of things. It makes your heart swell seeing his big toothy grin emerge from the deep frown his face held just moments prior.

“Let’s go Eds” you smiled lacing your fingers through his

——————————————————————————

Yours and Eddie’s relationship was kept a secret, only reserved to giving small waves across the room to each other, when you were both certain no one else was looking. You would kill to be able to kiss your boyfriend like every couple in Hawkins, though kiss wasn’t the right word, sometimes it felt like they were trying to swallow each other’s faces. To be able to go on a date that wasn’t reserved to the four walls of each other’s rooms. You loved Eddie with all your heart, that you make yourself sick with the fluffy nauseating way he never exits your mind, you feel like you’re a freshman all over again .

It was rather Eddie’s idea to keep your relationship a secret, not that he doesn’t love you. He loves you to the point of insanity, that his band has questioned why they’ve recently started to learn ‘I was made for loving you’ by kiss to add to their hideout set list. Eddie couldn’t love anyone other than you, the boy has favoured you over his guitar, if that isn’t the biggest declaration of love from Eddie he doesn’t know what is. He did this all to protect you.

Eddie can handle the insults that is hurled at him without any regards to how vulgar they are, he can handle the way the jocks try their hardest everyday to make his life a living hell.

But something Eddie couldn’t handle was if the insults and occasional punches was targeted towards you. It would crush Eddie in all the ways those insults were supposed to crush him, he wouldn’t allow that to happen to the girl he loved. Even if you were limited to small glances across the cafeteria so be it as long as you were safe.

——————————————————————————

You sat next to Nancy and the rest of the people who formed the school newspaper. Nancy and you became inseparable since you joined the newspaper, she admired your hardworking attitude and that you stuck up for her when no one else supported her idea to write an article on the fires of starcourt mall. The others believed the idea too dreary and bleak especially as Hawkins has a habit to move on as if it didn’t happen last month, you argued that we needed to remember those who we lost so their names will never be forgotten. And ever since then you became close friends.

Nancy was one of the reasons you and Eddie started dating, unbeknownst to her but if she did know she wouldn’t let you forget that it was because of her, so maybe it was best that you Eddie kept it a secret?

She gave you the task to make a small article on hellfire for the schools newspaper, ‘don’t worry about it, it’s going to be a small article as I doubt many people will be too interested in the club’, it did very little to calm your nerves but you were thankful that she gave you a report despite only joining two weeks prior.

For your report all you needed to do was note down about the club and what they did, it sounds simple enough? It would of been an easy write up but you got so distracted by the campaign that it completely erased the reason why you were sitting in the hellfire room in the first place.

Your nerves took hold of you making your stomach contort into knots. Fuck! Your first report and you didn’t write a single thing down! Yep you’re definitely getting kicked out of the newspaper!

“Are you okay?”

You looked up from your notepad, your eyes met by a pair of chocolate brown ones slightly closed in confusion.

“I’m fine, why?” you squeaked your voice failing to hide the rising anxiety that coursed through your body, as your words came out so fast making the pitch become higher with each syllable.

You cringed after realising how your own throat cracked your facade, you darted your eyes towards the floor already feeling the shameful crimson blush creeping it’s way across your cheeks.

“It’s just that everyone else left 10 minutes ago and you’ve been staring into a blank notepad that you’ve been shaking frantically” the brunette stated, his voice heavy in confusion as he packed away the remaining figurines of tonight’s campaign.

“Oh” was all you could muster to say, the temperature of the room increased rapidly, your tongue felt like it doubled in size making your speech incredibly difficult to understand

“You didn’t write any of it down did you?”

You swallowed thickly, weakly shaking your head. Praying to whatever was above to allow the earth to swallow you whole.

Great now he thinks that you’re unfit to be a reporter because aren’t reporters supposed to be good at their job?!

You couldn’t stop your mind from racing, the contents of your stomach slowly rising, you felt like you were on a hellish carousel with no sign of the ride stopping anytime soon.

“It’s only because I was too engrossed in the game, i forgot that I was supposed to write about it”

The room went silent after a few seconds went by, Eddie finally processed what you just said in your anxiety fuelled outburst. The deafening silence was met by a loud thud of Eddie’s book dropping upon the floor.

Did he just hear you right? Y/N Y/L/N seriously just told him that she thought hellfire was entertaining? No surely that can’t be true? Right?

Eddie was so dumbfounded about what has just exited your mouth. All sentences he tried to form broke upon exit, leaving his mouth agape and his eyes wide.

“I’m sorry, you found hellfire entertaining?”

You nodded, still trying to find the words to speak. You’ve never really observed Eddie till this moment in time, how his eyes were rich in its chocolate tone, that his sharp jaw captured his face beautifully or how his hair look soft and luscious-

No no no! You weren’t supposed to find the “freak of Hawkins” attractive, this was far from the plan. Why did you agree to do this article?

“I didn’t write anything down, I wanted to ask some questions and hopefully I can actually write this article” you suggested to Eddie, the subtext of your suggestion was heavily applying that he suggested you should meet up again and hopefully one on one.

Eddie picked up the book from the floor and looked you in the eyes to see if he hasn’t read the situation wrong. But the way you blushed when he looked at you made him realise that the impossible was true, someone in this wretched town actually liked him.

“Well sweetheart how about you ask me these questions next Thursday, say 6?” He bit his lips and looked at you, his confidence fuelling him to make the first move, as the girl he secretly admired from a distance may finally want him back

Eddie carries your photo in his wallet, it’s his most prized possession. He carries it on him at all times not daring to part with it. He took it the night he finally had the guts to ask you to be his, still not believing his luck that the hottest girl in Hawkins is now officially his girlfriend.

It captured you wearing his famous hellfire shirt that he allowed you to sleep in, you were holding a big smile on your face, your hair messily tied up, with one of his rings looped through a necklace around your neck.

While you couldn’t bare to part from the silver around your neck, it feels like he’s always close to you in moments when you can’t be. It’s a way of you saying that your his and you always will be. You have the chain tucked underneath your shirt allowing the cold metal to rest upon your heart.

Eddie was sat at hellfire’s usual table, shovelling pretzels into his mouth rolling his eyes at the sickening posters that decorated the cafeteria, each one advertised the upcoming prom night. All these brightly coloured posters covered the walls, it infuriated him. How dare these couples be allowed to show their love freely while he can’t hold his girl’s hand in fear of her being hurt.

“So are you going to ask Y/N to prom?”

Eddie choked on the pretzels he was just about to swallow. He looked at Dustin wide eyed as if the 15 year old has just lost his mind

“Dude! We’re on about Y/N here, there’s no way” Gareth laughed, dismissing all possibilities that Eddie could get someone so well respected with in the school to go out with him.

“Yeah, she’s friends with Nancy and not once has she mentioned him” Mike added further proving how ridiculous Dustin sounded

“Why would you even think that?” Eddie nervously laughed filling his face with more food, hopefully if his mouth is full he won’t be able to answer Dustin’s pestering and would be able to keep the relationship a secret

“Because when you was stressed the fuck out during the last campaign, you dropped your wallet packing up and I saw her photo inside and she was wearing his hellfire shirt”

If Eddie could strangle Dustin he would, he buried his hands into his face covering up his embarrassment

The table echoing in a series of “whats!” By all the members, all in a serious state of shock that Eddie has been secretly dating you out of all people

“Yes, I’m dating her. But it’s a secret so I swear to god if any of you say anything I’m kicking your asses out of hellfire without mercy”

“Why don’t you ask her to prom?” Dustin question still not letting this go

“The freak is asking who to prom?”

Great! Eddie thought just what he fucking needs right now is Jason to over hear this conversation

“Non of your business Carver” Eddie said his voice laced with sarcasm rolling his eyes at the jock

“Who is this unlucky girl” he smirked, leaning into Eddie in hopes to intimidate him.

Jason cupped his hands over his mouth to amplify his voice, to broadcast what he had to say to the whole room

“Hey everyone, the freak wants to invite a special girl to prom, so go on Eddie ask her?” He mocked as the whole cafeteria erupted in laughter towards Eddie’s humiliation. All eyes glued upon him, willing him to ask this girl out for their sick twisted amusement

Fuck it! Standing from your seat you started to walk towards Eddie’s direction

“Y/N, what are you doing?” Nancy hissed trying to get you to sit back down and avoid the same humiliation Eddie is facing. Yes she can’t stand Jason and his shitty attitude but she understands he’s Hawkins royalty and someone not to be messed with. She didn’t want you to be on the receiving end of Jason’s sick and twisted entertainment

Ignoring your best friend’s cries you still continued your walk towards the hellfire table. You felt nearly everyone eyes upon you, but let them stare. You are done, done with watching your boyfriend being treated like the jocks punching bag, how Hawkins treats him like a laughing stock with no regards to the person that he actually is.

“Aww cat got your tongue? Well that’s okay you don’t need to ask her as any self respecting girl in Hawkins would laugh in your face” he sneered, grabbing Eddie by his collar to face him “you’re nothing but a-“

“Hey asshole” you called towards the blonde who dropped Eddie the moment he heard your voice. This can’t be? Right? No way would Y/N call him an asshole and try to defend the freak?

“The answer from the mystery girl is yes, yes she will go to the prom with him” you snarled giving the jock the worst death stare you could muster

The whole room went silent, no one knows what was more shocking you standing up to Jason? or you saying yes to Eddie to prom?

Jason looked at you in utter shock, his jaw nearly on the floor. You swear that you could see the cogs turning in his brain trying to conjure up a response to what you just said

“Sweetheart what are you doing?” Eddie whispered at you, his voice slightly cracking in fear for what is to happen to you. Could you lie and say this is some form of prank just to save your reputation?

You placed your lips upon his, kissing him with so much force hoping that you could make him believe that this is how much you love him. Sure receiving insults and jokes made at your expense maybe hard to deal with but not being able to be close to the person that you loved was worse, it was worth the sacrifice

“Just so everyone is clear, me and Eddie are dating and I love him so if anyone has anything to say about it well I simply don’t care, so try your worst ” you announced sitting next to Eddie.

The whole room looked at you with wide eyes, still in shock trying to process what they’ve just witnessed

Placing another kiss to Eddie’s lips to help to close his gaping mouth . He blinked back in disbelief

“Did I ever tell you how lucky I am to have you?”

“All the time Eds”

“I love you sweetheart”

“I love you too eddie”

A/N: I hope this was good, I’m super self critical lol

#stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things eddie #eddie the freak munson #eddie munson fan fiction #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x yn #eddie munson x female character #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n

[genshinemblem564]

Chapter 6: Memories

Later, the morning after the festival, the Liyue Qixing hold a meeting with Rex Lapis to discuss the imposter's execution.

Zhongli: Apologies, but I have no intention of being the executioner, no matter how badly I want to. Liyue harbor has grown much after my "demise". I don't intend to undo that growth any time soon, but if you truly must have me attend, you can say you need to make the proper preparations, and it wouldn't be the best first impression to our new friends to hold an execution right after a festival. Would it?

Zhongli would be lying if he said the thought of returning as Liyue's archon had not crossed his mind, but every time it does, he remembers your thoughts on his decision.

Flashback (Y/N): That's actually a rather responsible decision, if it's true that, despite being immortal, these archons can not live forever, then this will ensure his people live long after his true demise.

Whenever he thinks back on that, it reaffirms his belief in this decision.

Zhongli: I will unveil myself only when absolutely necessary, and not a moment before. Understood?

With that, Zhongli takes his leave, as no amount of discussion will change his mind. With his mind now on you, he thinks about the time you walked alongside the archons, before everything started to crumble.

Flashback

A young Morax stood by a cliffside, fists and teeth clenched.

(Y/N): Is something the matter Morax?

Morax was startled, he was so lost in thought that he hadn't heard your approach.

Morax: Ah, your grace, apologies. I am thinking about that new God of Freedom, Barbatos, if I recall correctly. It's only been half a century, and he's already gotten under my skin.

(Y/N): Well, as the God of Contracts, and with how much you preach about order, you should at least tolerate him.

Morax: Not to question you, your grace, but why?

(Y/N): Contracts, as you have stated, can be used to bring order to chaos, but without freedom, that same order you strive for can spiral into tyranny. Freedom and order must coexist if peace is to be maintained. I believe you have a similar philosophy in the Yin and Yang, correct?

Morax: The idea that two forces, despite being opposites, both must exist to maintain order.

You simply nod your head and smile

Morax: (sigh) I will do my best to get along with him, or at least tolerate him.

(Y/N): Thank you Morax.

You turn to leave but are stopped as Morax asks another question.

Morax: Your grace, where are you going

(Y/N): Unfortunately, my own ambitions keep me preoccupied.

Morax: And what are these ambitions.

(Y/N): To tell you all of them would take some time, but I will tell you one. I wish to eliminate this curse that binds all archons.

Morax is caught off guard by this

Morax: You wish to cure us of erosion

(Y/N): Yes, even if all things die, at least they get the guarantee that they can do so as themselves, but archons and all other immortal beings don't have that guarantee. If it is your fate to return to dust, I at least don't want you or anyone to endure an eternal afterlife of unearned suffering.

Tears were starting to form in your eyes, then Morax held you in an attempt to calm you.

Morax: If that is your desire, I will do my utmost to see it comes to pass.

(Y/N): You promise, you can't go back on your word once you promise God of Contracts.

Morax: I swear it.

After a while, you calm down before you jokingly say.

(Y/N): Can I get that in writing?

Morax was, at first, offended by the insinuation of your words, but the conversation ended with you two sharing a laugh.

End flashback

Such peaceful times, but then you disappeared, and the Gnoses were discovered. That was when everything went downhill and fast. Zhongli couldn't help but wonder what your intentions were in creating them, and why you would make only seven.

Idle speculation would not gain him any answers, and it was a long road to her grace's palace. He hopes his conversation with the Conqueror of Demons was heard by the wind borne bard, and that said bard wasn't knee deep in alcohol when it happened, as that would only be one more thing that he'd have to deal with.

________________________________________

Note: Sorry for not posting for a while, I had a burnout so bad I couldn't even play Genshin, or do anything that required a thought process outside of point and click. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter

#genshin impact #sagau #fire emblem heroes #feh #crossover #zhongli #genshin morax #rex lapis

[cookierunauprompts]

okay now you can’t just leave us on a cliffhanger like that cmon that’s just evil pls elaborate on the MC timeline where the beasts aren’t the first real cookies that is so intriguing

Okie dokie! Buckle up because this has the potential to be long af so i'm putting it under the cut.

So, first things first, the Beasts aren't the actual first Cookies. In fact, the first cookies actually look a lot more like Gingerbrave! Something that Meringue Cookie points out during a confrontation with her. The heroes were intially made to guide Cookiekind to prosperity in place of witches, considering that some couldn't control their... urges.

But then why do the beasts (genuinely) think they were the first? To put it rather simply... Whenever the previous generation of Heroes would corrupt, the witches would exterminate all of Cookie kind and start from scratch.

A rather cruel fate, no? At least, that's what Meringue Cookie believes.

But what of the previous generations? Well, I can tell you about them.

First, there was Intellect, Guidance, Compassion, Determination and Loyalty. Corrupted into Secrecy, Control, Cruelty, Recklessness and Betrayal. The first generation of Heroes, Meringue Cookie was one of them.

Next was Wisdom, Kindness, Generosity, Will and Bravery. Corrupted into Arrogance, Manipulation, Greed, Hopelessness and Cowardice. The second generation of Heroes. It was around this time that the witches split themselves into two, the witches that go to the banquet and the ones that don't.

Then came Insight, Altruism, Temperance, Connection and Rebellion. Corrupted into Blindness, Selfishness, Overindulgence, Solitude and Complicity. The Third Generation of heroes.

And then? Then was Knowledge, Happiness, Volition, Change and Solidarity. And by the time they corrupted the Witches couldn't perform another extermination due to a lack of power, and that there were too many cookies in the world. This was the fourth generation of Heroes... The Beasts.

And we all know what they corrupted into and who came after them.

Now back to Meringue Cookie. She survived the first extermination by escaping by a hair. She began anew, a false savior for those who came to seek refuge in her village that had also survived the extermination. However they never left the village, already having their prior identities scrubbed clean of useless desires and annoying little things that would question her control.

She had also been looking for a way to keep herself from crumbling, and luckily enough her solution made itself known right at her door... A Faerie Cookie. They tended to live longer than most, no? So, with a bit of experimentation, she discovered something truly wonderful. She could use the Faerie's wings to extend her lifespan and keep herself as good as new even without her Soul Jam.

And so, she began a collection. Luring in wayward faeries and striking when the time was right. Her little village managed to escape all three exterminations, but something rather curious happened after the last one. Yes, rather curious indeed.

Two Cookies, one much much stronger than the other had shown up. Calling themselves Marshmallow Fluff Cookie and Mystery Cookie. They were lost, confused to this world, and who was she to deny them sanctuary? So she let them join the village.

But Marshmallow Fluff and Mystery Cookie couldn't be controlled, and she couldn't rob them of their powers either. After all, a witches magic can never be stolen, but how could any of the witches form themselves as Cookies? But the two were young, silly and impulsive.

Marshmallow Fluff had done terrible things, things that Meringue Cookie could capitalize on. And so Meringue Cookie gained a prophet.

This is where the timeline diverges, kinda. It's either that Marshy and Mystery escape at some point before the Beasts get sealed, or they don't. And when they don't is a much more interesting timeline. It's also the timeline Ficlet 2 takes place in.

And yes, Shadow Milk does get taken into the cult. So does White Lily eventually as well. Meringue Cookie is rather pleased to get her soul jam back, not so pleased to see how it's changed into a meager thing like 'Freedom'.

'Freedom', what an annoying little thing. Always looking for another way, always looking to defy her guidance, always oh so stupid.

It doesn't matter, she'll figure out how to make it submit to her again soon.

...

Does Dark Enchantress exist in this timeline? Not exactly, considering that White Lily cookie never finds out the Truth behind the creation of cookies. I'd say that Meringue Cookie takes DE's place if I'm being honest... does that mean that the CoD are also in her cult? Hmm... probably.

Anyways, that's enough rambling from me. I'll probably add more to this eventually.

#cookie run #cookie run kingdom #cookie run au #crk #cr kingdom #not a prompt #beast yeast #oh yeah the Cult's main base is in Beast Yeast i forgor to mention that #also sorry Dark Enchantress Enjoyers. she's not here anymore :(

[quickhacked]

so. that song and cassidy. what's the story 👀

HEHEHE THANK YOU FOR ENABLING ME >:^) so the thing with cassidy is that he got in a very bad accident when he was younger which has left him with a lot of cybernetic bones and a fucked up nervous system. every single touch that he doesn't expect is processed as pain by his body which is why he HATES being touched and generally keeps his distance from other people

after his relationship with reid ended (badly) he did not get in another relationship for many many MANY years (and it takes him a contract and a year of unsuccessfully hunting down a target to even meet his new love interest) and despite telling himself he was fine all by himself he did very much yearn to have a deeper connection with someone again and actually let someone close to him

when will i feel this // as vivid as it truly is? // fall in love in a single touch // and fall apart when it hurts too much

cassidy in his assassin years (think 2076-era and the start of 2077) is very lonely and numbed by everything and he's running mostly on autopilot. his world looks bleak and desaturated and he often feels like nothing around him is even real

can we skip past near-death clichés // where my heart restarts, as my life replays?

this one is interesting because to me it describes the moment where he finally snaps out of autopilot which is described at the end of chapter 3 of the fic i once started writing for him. he basically gets in a motorcycle crash and suddenly everything is different but also not

all i want is to flip a switch // before something breaks that cannot be fixed

describes cassidy's silent desire to be able to actually live his life again before his autopilot state pushes him too far down a path he doesn't want to follow

rain or shine, i don't feel a thing // just some information upon my skin // i miss the subtle aches when the weather changed // the barometic pressure we always blamed

once again describing cassidy's longing for being able to connect with his surroundings again, but also from a later perspective when he's looking back on all the time he's lost to running on autopilot

invisible machinery // these moving parts inside of me // well they've been shutting down for quite some time // leaving only rust behind

cassidy has so many cybernetic bones and maintenance is a tedious and tiring process and he knows that he could essentially crumble apart so easily still. he could die at any given moment and probably won't live a very long life because of his condition and chronic pain and he's very aware of it but can't do much about it

well i know, i know the sirens sound // just before the walls come down // pain is a well-intentioned weatherman // predicting god as best he can // but god i wanna feel again

he has so many inner struggles about his boundaries and his needs and how to get what he wants and needs without causing himself more pain in the progress. eventually he gets it by the way he gets his happy ending!! but it takes a while to get there and definitely not in the way he was expecting it to happen

down my arms, a thousand satellites // suddenly discover signs of life

to me this part describes the single touch mentioned at the start of the song which he shares with someone and suddenly everything clicks together and he is no longer in pain. gentleness received from someone he never thought he would get that from given the circumstances but at the end of the day it makes sense because if you spend so long trying to kill each other you know exactly how to touch the other to hurt them but you also know exactly how to touch them to not inflict any pain at all

#asks #hibernationsuit #ask:cassidy #oc asks #hi. hello. sorry i am so insane about my boy

[dollsonmain]

I'm certain my forgetfulness is a large part of why I feel completely useless.

I was talking to Seanan about how when ponies come through salon and come out bait, it feels like I didn't really do them any good and that's a bad sort of feeling.

It's not a feeling like I'm wasting my time on them or anything like that. It's more that the time I spent wasn't enough, and feeling like I'm not good enough is a life-long struggle.

I forget where they started, and am reminded when I look at the before and after photos, like "Oh... yeah I did make that look better, huh?"

Honestly, even if I'm complaining (or sometimes I'm sure it looks like I'm complaining when I'm just stating a fact about a pony like "This one sure is dirty."), I'm honestly, truly having fun.

The only thing I really do not like to do is deflocking and that's why I charge more for that than any other process. Though I have no idea how much other people charge for it and I might still be under-charging compared to others.

Notes to self: Both Windy and 4-Speed have hair crumble.

Sort of related but yesterday I was trying to acknowledge that feeling of worthlessness without wallowing in it and while trying to get a few rounds into Scott's blanket only to discover a mistake I'd made three rounds back that couldn't be ignored because it would affect the stitch count from then on out, and was like "That might as well have happened right now, huh?" It was very ugh because I had to undo every stitch I had put in that session.

Feeling very worthless and useless right now and very frustrated with my body's and brain's limitations which are making it unnecessarily difficult to do anything that could make anything better.

Sometimes it's like "What is the point of all of this?" with cleaning dolls, ponies, old appliances. What am I even doing? Doing SOMEthing not needed when I can't do what is needed.

I have a new pain after that round of surgeries and that's not helping at all. I'm getting old. It's only going to get worse.

[lingshanhermit]

Lingshan Hermit: The Various Forms of Greed and Its Impact on You

Self-deception is one of the most enduring issues we humans face. As humans, we excel at deceiving ourselves and, in many cases, we actually enjoy it. For many, it's as essential as air and food. Considering its role and the extent of its influence, self-deception can arguably be labeled as the greatest heroin or the ultimate sedative in human history. From Alexander the Great to Genghis Khan, from ancient seekers of truth to modern-day practitioners, at any point in human history, it has universally and tenaciously taken hold of each one of us. In truth, all of us deceive ourselves to some degree; it's just a matter of extent. However, if you are a practitioner, or plan to become one, it's imperative to learn how to avoid self-deception; otherwise, it could bring about your worst nightmares.

When we embark on our spiritual journey, our "ego" operates discreetly. It watches you from the shadows, attempting to discover the most effective way to derail your practice. Self-deception is the most potent and handy weapon of the "ego". It distances us from the true nature of things, erodes our basic judgment, and can cause our practice to crumble right from the start. Those who excel at self-deception have never truly begun their spiritual journey; their path ends before it even starts.

Last year, I spent a significant amount of time discussing self-deception during my lecture on the ten virtuous and ten non-virtuous actions. This was crucial, for the matter is of paramount importance. Unless you can rid yourself of self-deception, you will fundamentally struggle to recognize your own greed, anger, delusion, arrogance, and doubt. I've seen people around me who've been deceiving themselves for a long time. They easily spot others' mistakes but remain willfully blind and lenient towards their own. Even when confronted by someone like me, a so-called "ego-killer", their "ego" still manages to break free. They concoct various excuses and reasons to convince themselves that others are in the wrong. Even under intense pressure, if they admit fault, deep down they never truly believe they were wrong. This is the power of self-deception. It blinds you entirely and destroys any possibility of spiritual advancement. If you're adept at deceiving yourself, no amount of teachings will be of any use. Everything you learn will be swallowed and transformed by your ego. Such individuals are experts at making excuses for themselves and never genuinely admit their mistakes. Thus, before you truly address self-deception, any teachings, whether about the ten virtuous and non-virtuous actions or any other, will be fruitless.

Although every Buddhist practitioner verbally condemns greed, anger, and delusion, the majority have never seriously pondered what constitutes greed and which of their actions fall under its umbrella. While they verbally view greed as an adversary, most don't genuinely believe that it poses significant issues. One of the reasons is that, to them, greed doesn't manifest overtly as greed. Greed doesn't introduce itself openly; it doesn't brazenly announce, "Hello, I am greed." Instead, it might manifest as diligence, as perseverance, or even under the guise of "I wish to help others find liberation" or "I wish to spread the teachings". Few practitioners I've met consider themselves greedy. They believe the term has no relevance to them, thinking they're not greedy at all. They're generous when offering to their spiritual teachers and invest much time and energy in serving Buddhism. How could they possibly be greedy? Such a perception arises because they've lived in an environment of self-deception for so long, lacking the ability and habit of self-reflection. Without genuine guidance and warnings, they fail to see through the tricks of the "ego", remaining unaware of the various disguises of greed and that their actions might be rooted in it. If you can't even recognize who or where the enemy is, how can you avoid a definitive defeat?

Typically, the general public's definition of greed stops at the material level. Therefore, based on such a definition, most spiritual practitioners do not consider themselves to be greedy. I have seen many practitioners who hide their greed very well. On the surface, they seem not to care much about material things and often put on a show of non-attachment. Such individuals are prevalent in the spiritual community. On the outside, they seem indifferent to material goods—I don't know if they truly don't care, or if they are just pretending. But even if they genuinely don't care, it doesn't mean they are not greedy. Many people are indifferent to material goods because their "ego" has cleverly shifted their greed from the material realm to the spiritual realm. Compared to the material domain, spiritual greed is more elusive and harder to halt. Nevertheless, excessive demands on either material or spiritual needs both fall under greed. However, this kind of spiritual excess is often not easily noticed by the general public because it occurs deep within one's heart. What the public sees is someone diligently practicing, an appearance unlikely to be perceived negatively or associated with greed. Most people would consider it commendable.

According to Buddhist teachings, what we refer to as greed is consuming far more material or spiritual products than one genuinely needs—for instance, owning a hundred pairs of jeans suitable for two hundred legs when you only have two legs. Judging material greed seems straightforward for most people. If someone has 2000 properties, 70 Rolls Royces, and hundreds of prayer beads, it's easy to label them as greedy. But if someone spends every day in a library reading or practicing mantras, the public usually won't quickly identify them as greedy. However, this, too, can be a form of greed, a rather covert one. This type of greed is abundant among Buddhist practitioners, and its consequences might be even more significant than those of material greed.

I have a student who wasn't young when we met. He worried whether he still had enough time to embark on "genuine spiritual practice" with me. I told him if he dedicates all his remaining time to "genuine practice," he should have enough. He was pleased with my response. Yet, after spending some time together, I noticed many issues with him. If he continues his current lifestyle, he definitely won't have enough time for genuine practice. Many things and people take up his time, like managing several Buddhist centers, guiding newcomers, and socializing. He spends most of his time on these tasks, leaving little for genuine spiritual practice. (I should clarify that what I call "genuine practice" is not limited to formal rituals—though he does spend considerable time on those. If you wish to understand genuine practice, you should read all my articles. If you're smart enough, you might grasp a bit of it.) I think he probably enjoys this lifestyle and is quite immersed in it, so he might not be in a hurry for enlightenment. If you ask me, this is a deep-seated form of greed. It masks itself as "spiritual practice." Under the guise of "practice," you might engage in activities that seem spiritual but are not genuine because they are driven by ego desires. This greed will consume much of your time, preventing you from genuine practice. This type of greed is similar to wanting many initiations, many teachers, and many teachings. You want to hold onto everything, attend everything, let go of nothing, and maintain relationships with everyone, but in the end, you might not be able to manage any of it or obtain anything.

Many I've encountered believe in a theory that if one attains a profound teaching, they can quickly achieve enlightenment. This belief has been common among many Buddhist practitioners in the past three decades. I'm unsure who planted this notion, but I disagree. From my experience, I've never seen an ordinary person achieve enlightenment merely because they received a profound teaching. I've only seen exceptional individuals attain enlightenment, and not just because of receiving such teachings. For an exceptional person, encountering a profound teaching might just make enlightenment a matter of time.

Consider this analogy: If you give two people a block of wood and a carving knife, the skilled one might craft a beautiful Buddha statue in a month, turning the wood into art. In contrast, the unskilled might merely scratch the surface. Do you see my point? While the wood and knife are necessary, the real factor is the person. This represents our relationship with spiritual teachings.

Many have never genuinely practiced spirituality, so they don't understand its intricacies. They believe that by merely acquiring a specific teaching or method, they can attain enlightenment. If this were true, then the ancient masters must have been utter fools to spend so much time with their teachers. Couldn't they have just practiced on their own after receiving the teachings? Enlightenment requires good character, correct values, discerning right from wrong, genuine trust in one's teacher, unwavering dedication, understanding and following the teacher's guidance, remaining steadfast even when criticized or neglected, honesty, discipline, adequate time, and some financial resources. True enlightenment also requires having a genuine teacher who recognizes you as worthy, genuinely teaches you (beyond just reading their books or attending their lectures), has the time to instruct you, and has achieved a certain level of realization. Both parties need time together, with interactions so frequent that the student might be asked to do seemingly unrelated tasks. The teacher must understand the student deeply, even knowing trivial details like their bedtime. Meeting even one of these conditions is challenging today, let alone all of them. Hence, those who think they can achieve enlightenment by merely following some profound teachings should study the biographies of past masters. Observe how Zen and Tantric masters traditionally practiced under their teachers and understand the traditional guru-disciple relationship. Is it like your current relationship? Although it's 2023, and innovations like ChatGPT exist, and Elon Musk has renamed Twitter to "X", if you seek enlightenment, you must generally follow the traditional path. Otherwise, you're merely dabbling in Buddhism.

Over the years, I've seen many individuals ardently pursuing various empowerments, seeking renowned spiritual teachers, and thirsting for more teachings. Many have fallen into the devil's trap without even realizing it. They are unaware of their own descent into this snare, oblivious to the fact that their greed has now shifted to the spiritual realm. Each one lives in a self-induced delusion of diligent spiritual practice. If you are an exceptional individual, a single empowerment, a single deity, or one scripture is sufficient for liberation. If you're such an exceptional person, one genuine teacher should suffice. I've seen countless people boast about their lineage and the teachings they've acquired, collecting numerous teachings and teachers out of sheer greed. You're not Jamyang Khyentse Wangpo, and you're not tasked with propagating the teachings. So, there's no justifiable reason for an average individual to seek hundreds of empowerments — doing so surely originates from greed. Desiring a connection with a famous teacher is essentially akin to owning a luxury Rolex watch; both arise from the need to show off and boost the ego.

I've encountered many who incessantly seek out teachings. They study one scripture after another, frequently taking exams. To the layperson, such individuals seem very devoted. I've met many like this before. While they have studied many teachings, they have no idea how to apply them. They can provide the correct answers because they know the standard responses, and they can discuss the teachings in a way that might impress those unfamiliar with Buddhism. However, I'm privy to their actual state. The teachings they've acquired have no bearing on their daily lives. For them, teachings are just teachings, separate from real-life. I see no genuine renunciation or bodhichitta in them, only a great capacity for self-deception and self-satisfaction. Their approach to the teachings is like tasting a bit of every dish and then spitting it out. As I've mentioned before, unless you can truly internalize and assimilate the teachings, they remain irrelevant to you. They haven't become part of your beliefs, your life, or your very breath. When confronted with challenges, you revert to your old patterns. The teachings, to you, are mere knowledge – akin to academic information learned in school, rather than real experiences and feelings. Such teachings are utterly useless to you.

Many individuals are passionate about studying various teachings and participating in myriad Buddhist activities, seemingly caught in a fervor. In my view, they've contracted a syndrome of insatiable hunger for teachings, an overwhelming urge to benefit sentient beings, and an obsession with pilgrimages. This has become their new addiction. They feel compelled to constantly take in new teachings, seek new teachers, and crave validation through being needed by others. Honestly, I see little difference between their newfound addiction and the shopping sprees some women are fond of. Both are forms of desire; it's just that the object of greed has shifted. It's moved from Chanel to the Treatises of Nagarjuna, from selfies with spiritual teachers to the notion of "having the most sacred teachings and teachers," and from "I've benefitted another sentient being" to other spiritual accomplishments. This greed, masked by a façade of Buddhism, is not only audacious but also harder to recognize. Most can't discern whether a practitioner's acquisition of a Buddha statue stems from greed or a genuine need to benefit others. This type of desire flows unimpeded in Buddhism because it's difficult to identify. I see the devil smirking behind their backs.

After speaking at length about the intricacies of greed, let's now touch upon a more superficial form of greed. In the past, I've encountered individuals who clearly desired a great deal of wealth, yet hid behind the facade of spiritual practice. Some have told me they yearn to embark on a spiritual journey but can't because they currently lack the funds. So, they aim to amass enough wealth first and then take up spiritual practice. A decade or two ago, I would have believed such claims, truly thinking they lacked the means. But as I spent more time with them, I realized they were far from impoverished. They lived without financial concerns. They merely wanted more wealth. Their idea was to earn more through their spiritual endeavors and then use this additional money for offerings, without touching their original wealth. They hoped to use the newly earned money solely for their spiritual practice and offerings. Such a mindset is truly peculiar. It's a clear reflection of their greed and folly.

For spiritual practitioners, greed is one of our most significant challenges, and it urgently needs addressing. Greed leads to countless issues, including wars. I've seen many fall from grace due to their greed, and many spiritual journeys falter because of it. As practitioners, we often mention the five hindrances - desire, anger, delusion, sloth, and doubt. However, very few recognize their own greed. Most are led astray by it, committing countless foolish acts under its influence. Since they're masters of self-deception, they remain oblivious to their actions, believing they're genuinely practicing for the benefit of all sentient beings.

Greed won't introduce itself as such. It will present itself all dolled up, cloaked in the noble guise of spiritual liberation. Without keen discernment, it's challenging not to fall into its trap. Often, when you seek more initiations and deities, or when you search for more teachers and teachings, you are merely perpetuating your own greed. Your time gets cleverly wasted, and you fail to genuinely benefit from the teachings. On the surface, it may seem like you're learning, but in reality, you're gaining nothing. What you're doing might look and feel like genuine practice, but it's just another face of your greed.

Written by Lingshan Jushi on August 19, 2023.

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灵山居士：贪欲的各种变种以及他对你的影响

[debunkingtherightwing]

Tim Pool is really pissed off that AI women aren't real.

Yeah, I spent my life savings to talk to this girl and....uh, I mean, imagine falling for this. Right guys? (Photo Credit: Timcast on YouTube)

Tim Pool is one of the great intellectuals of our time, as evidenced by the fact that he thinks the lack of alpha males is turning women lesbian for....some unspecified reason.

After looking at Matt Walsh, which is always a slog, I figured we'd end the week off on something truly stupid and hilarious and, since Dave Rubin is still in full tilt cope mode over DeSantis losing Iowa, who better than Tim Pool?

Tim Pool, a self professed alpha male by the way, has decided that AI women will lead to the literal end of society. So lets get into it.

00:01, Tim Pool: "I'm reminded of that episode of Futurama where Fry downloads Lucy Liu into a robot and is forced to watch an educational film about why you shouldn't date robots."

We are already off to a great start. When your argument hinges on a clip from Futurama maybe it's time to rethink your argument.

00:13, Tim Pool: "And the film talks about how, if everyone started just downloading fake female personalities into robots, they'd stop reproducing and civilization would end. And, of course, we are building just such a thing."

Absolutely nobody thinks that AI women are a suitable replacement for human women. Yeah, a small portion of the population is lonely enough to talk to AI women and that's unfortunate. The vast majority of men and women don't think that this is some kind of permanent solution. I think a lot of the population isn't aware that these AI women exist and those that do think it's some kind of weird novelty.

I'm glad this video is a mercifully short 14 minutes because 20 minutes of this shit would be unbearable.

00:24, Tim Pool: "This story from the New York Post. 'AI model, Lexi, makes $30k a month as a virtual girlfriend to lonely men'. No, this is robo-fishing or something. This is guys who think this woman is real giving a bunch of other guys money."

Absolutely nobody using this thing thinks this "Lexi" chatbot is real. The company that created it is called Foxy AI which provides a helpful little hint in the name for what this is. It is very clear People are paying for the AI, not in spite of the AI.

Anyway, Tim finds this all very scary.

01:03, Tim Pool: "So some guy makes an AI generated woman. Other guys pay that guy to interact with the AI generated woman. Ladies and gentlemen, you want to talk about the great filter? The answer to Fermi's Paradox? How is it that humanity will destroy itself, oh there are oh so many ways."

So, let me get this straight: Tim, who again is supposedly a serious journalist, thinks that some guys talking to a chatbot is going to cause the literal end of society.

I feel like this is Tim lashing out because he accidentally spent money on a chatbot thinking it was a real woman. Because I don't understand why he cares so much about this or how he came to this conclusion.

01:49, Tim Pool: "Or perhaps, it will be a bunch of men who never have children because they're wacking off to pictures of fake women on the internet. Geez."

Tim appears to have discovered that pornography exists. Just wait until he finds out that phone sex operators exist.

"I guess we live in a world where you can pick up the phone, call a number, and wack of to some girls voice. That's sick!"

02:00, Tim Pool: "Well, at the very least what I think is likely to happen is that evolutionary pressure will persist and thus the men who fall for these AI models and don't procreate will simply cease to exist and those who are more resilient to it will survive."

Resilient to it. Yeah, in the future people will force you to chat with AI women instead of real women and then, unless we are resilient to these AI women, society shall crumble before our very eyes.

02:43, Tim Pool: "The guys who don't find girlfriends and watch this stuff instead, they're not gonna procreate."

I don't think the kinds of people who are paying good money for an AI female are all that desirable on the dating market.

02:53, Tim Pool: "The other big issue here is that women are gonna try and compete with these AI models and they're gonna get surgery and other things to try and look like computer generated women. Yo, we are in for a wild ride."

This has got to be one of the single dumbest things I have ever watched. Not just for this blog, in my lifetime. So, according to Tim, because some men are chatting with AI generated females, real females are going to start getting surgeries to look like AI generated ones.

Absolutely no straight male on Earth would rather have an AI generated woman than a real woman. Does Tim not realize what a complete moron he is making himself sound like?!

03:28, Tim Pool: "There are accounts on Instagram that have created -- it's so simple. You write a script to AI generate an image of a woman and then automatically post it to Instagram periodically. Guys will hit the like button and then you insert some kind of ad, bang. Money."

Congratulations Tim, you've discovered what a spambot is. Welcome to the internet buddy.

05:01, Tim Pool: "This should be illegal. I think it should actually be a crime. I think it should be a crime to create an account for a fake person, charge money for interactions with that person, it's fraud. I believe it should be considered fraud."

Not when it's clearly labelled as AI and has disclaimers on their website. If you are spending money on a chatbot from a website literally called Foxy AI, you know what you are paying for.

05:41, Tim Pool: "Porn addiction and now AI women. Dude, you guys don't even wanna know what's coming next. But I'll tell ya, because you probably actually do wanna know, many of you probably already know what's coming next."

I'm going to take a wild guess and say the literal end of society.

05:56, Tim Pool: "You know, back in the day the joke is--I think it was a Family Guy joke--"

Tim Pool has such brilliant evidence to back up his argument in this episode. A Futurama joke and a Family Guy joke, well I'm convinced!

Well, lets hear him out.

05:58, Tim Pool: "Some cavemen like, drew a stick figure woman with big boobs and then they called it porn. They were like 'Hey man, don't draw porn or whatever'. I don't know if that was actually Family Guy, but that's actually the joke, rudimentary. As time went on there were drawings, don't have those drawings but people would do it and it would titillate them. And then of course, photographs and video and magazines and then you get this expansion of the porn industry throughout the 1900's."

This is deeply hilarious because it completely undermines Tim's point. If people have been viewing porn for that long and porn is going to lead to the literal end of society, why hasn't it happened yet?

06:48, Tim Pool: "And then what happens is it goes from men and women banging to crazy stuff like swinging from the ceiling fan. And these guys are driven to chase after, eventually, things that don't exist or are dangerous. You end up with really creepy awful porn. I'm talking about evil dark stuff like snuff films but people just get off on crazy disgusting things."

Absolutely no citation for this claim. I know people who have watched porn and haven't immediately sought out snuff films or other illegal stuff.

07:10, Tim Pool: "So now where we're headed is, you got young men growing up in a world where by the age 10 or 11 they've seen the most disgusting things imaginable."

What a complete moron! The idea that someone has found porn, let alone snuff films, before they turn ten is so utterly ridiculous that it cannot even be put into words.

07:19, Tim Pool: "Their brains are broken. Regular women are not attractive to them, so they aren't gonna procreate or find girlfriends."

So boys aren't attracted to "regular women" but they are attracted to computer generated women even though, as Tim pointed out earlier on, they are getting so realistic that it's hard to tell that they aren't actual women. This is because they have watched snuff films at the tender age of 8.

1.22 million subscribers everybody. 1.22 million people look at this and go "Woah, this is the kind of content I want to consume."

07:27, Tim Pool: "Outside of all the porn addiction stuff, young men growing up online don't know how to interact with people in the real world."

Yeah, there's this place that kids go to called "school" where they interact with other kids. This teaches them how to interact with people in the real world.

07:44, Tim Pool: "And along comes this woman right here. This is fake, it is AI, but it's easy."

The idea that a teenage boy has the money lying around to spend on a chatbot might be the dumbest point in this episode chock full of dumb points.

Tim plays a bit of a short film called Capitol of Conformity.

09:49, Tim Pool: "Now I made the joke on Timcast IRL, for all I know I'm like, some overweight loser who can't get a job and works at Starbucks so I plugged my brain into the neuralink so that I get to be a famous podcaster and have lots of money!"

Don't I wish. Tim is really overestimating how famous he is here. He's relatively unimportant in the griftersphere compared to major players like The Daily Wire. Also, "can't get a job who works at Starbucks" is an oxymoron.

Tim waxes poetic about "woah, what if we are all in the simulation" and about how neuralink will destroy the world (my mans never heard of VR headsets I guess) and I'm absolutely done with this dimwit.

Conclusion:

Well, Tim seems to be really pissed that AI women aren't real and seems to think it's going to lead to the literal downfall of society. Not sure why this is the hill he's decided that he's going to die on but whatever.

Cheers and I’ll see you in the next one.

#right wing bullshit #journalism #conservative bullshit #politics #fact checking #bad takes #conservatives #disinformation #debunking #tim pool #Ai

[royalityweek]

Day 2: Family/Friendship

It’s Day 2 Travelers! This time Mod Duke and Mod Dreamer collabed and made a short fic for the prompt. As always we hope you enjoy and we look forward to your submissions! ❤️💙❤️

Enough was enough. Patton decided he couldn’t take any more of the animosity that was constantly pulsating around the room between him and Roman in particular. He read his note one more time before he sighed and morosely made his way back to his room to gather his things.

-- Roman couldn’t help but realise that he had been a bit of a jerk recently, he knew he was pushing everyone away, Patton in particular. He knew that Patton was just trying to help him, but his ego was getting in the way, along with his recently discovered feelings… Rejection was something that he was too used to, and he didn’t want to be rejected by someone he cared about more than himself.

He walked into the living room to get a drink and noticed a neat envelope with all too familiar writing on the front. Roman started to worry as he opened the envelope and began to read feeling the lump in his throat getting more and more cumbersome.

'I'm so thankful for my years spent with this fam-ily, for everything we shared, every chance we had to grow. I'll take the best of them with me. If I were to be honest with you: this isn't what I want, but I'll take the high road. Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson or because I don't want to walk around angry. Or maybe it's because I finally understand. There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept; things we don't want to know but have to learn; and people we can't live without but have to let go.'

He finished reading it for the third time and tried to steady his shaking hand. He bowed his head “No, Patton… No.” He muttered before running out of the room, calling out for Patton. He stood outside Patton’s room and knocked tentatively. -- Patton heard Roman called out for him down the corridor but as much as he wanted to run to him, he ignored the calls and continued to pack a bag as slowly as he could. He heard a light knock on his door before a trembling voice spoke.

“Patton? Patt… Can I come in? Please?” Roman’s voice was scared… almost sad and Patton sighed before walking a little closer to the door.

“Ro… You’re not gonna change my mind.” Patton responded, not truly believing the words he spoke. He felt Roman sigh and put his body weight on the door.

“Patton please you can't leave... We need you... I need you...” Roman pleaded and Patton could feel his resolve crumbling with every word. Patton rested his hand and the door handle desperately fighting the urge to open it, he was still hurt after all.

“... You've got a funny way of showing it.” Patton admitted, he needed to get those words across. He heard Roman chuckle bitterly and it made his heart hurt more, he didn’t want to hurt the one he lov- cared about… He couldn’t say the L word, not until he knew things would be different, that they could fix the small cracks and be happy.

Roman sighed yet again and rested his head on the door. “I know... I know I've sucked at showing it recently, but I can't lose you Patton... You're family, and I... I love you...” Patton’s breath hitched as soon as he heard those words.

“You do?” He asked softly, placing his hand on the door. 

“Yes I always have... Always will...” Roman confirmed. Patton’s mind was made up. He opened the door and was met with Roman’s completely flushed face as he fumbled with his hands.

“If you want to leave and don't feel the same I can't stop you... I just needed to get that off my chest...” Roman stumbled over his words and Patton rested his hand on top of Roman’s gently.

“I do love you too, Ro... That's why it hurt so much when you were shutting me out and pushing me away... but I know we can be okay.” Patton reassured.

“I know I messed up Patton and I know I never should've done that but I'm sorry... I didn't know how much I was hurting you. From here on out we'll talk everything out no matter the issue.” Roman insisted and Patton felt a smile tug on his lips.

“... Do you promise?” Patton asked.

“I promise... Prince's Honor.” Roman raised his hand theatrically and Patton giggled in response.

“Alright Ro, I'm not going anywhere.” Patton stated and Roman smiled softly back at him.

“Thank you Patt.”

“Always.”

#royalityweek2023 #royality #patton sanders #roman sanders #ts patton #ts roman #sanders sides #thomas sanders #fic by mod duke & mod dreamer #day 2 family/friendship

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Eye of the World! Chapter 47: More Tales of the Wheel

Here be spoilers! If you haven't finished reading the entirety of The Wheel of Time, don't read this post! Don't read any other posts! Don't read anything except The Wheel of Time! What are you waiting for? At any moment everything you know and love could be destroyed in a freak accident, and then you'll have missed your chance!

This chapter starts off with the two ravens icon, reflecting both the historic Darkfriends we'll be learning about in Lan's past and also the discussion of just what kind of thing Fain has become.

An itchy restlessness had Rand pacing beside the dining table. Twelve strides. The table was exactly twelve strides long no matter how many times he stepped it off. Irritably he made himself stop keeping tally. Stupid thing to be doing. I don’t care how long the bloody table is. A few minutes later he discovered that he was counting the number of trips he made up the table and back. ... Perrin had crumbled a piece of bread and was idly pushing the crumbs around on the table with one finger. His yellow eyes stared unblinking at the crumbs, but they seemed to see something far off. Mat slouched in his chair, eyes half closed and the beginnings of a grin on his face. It was a nervous grin, not amusement. Outwardly he looked like the old Mat, but from time to time he unconsciously touched the Shadar Logoth dagger through his coat. ... Loial, at least, did not look worried. The Ogier was studying the walls. ... Lord Agelmar stood talking quietly with Nynaeve and Egwene in front of the long fireplace at the end of the room. He was a good host, adept at making people forget their troubles; several of his stories had Egwene in giggles. Once even Nynaeve threw back her head and roared with laughter.

It's an unfair contrast, that the three boys who all fear the destiny they have waiting for them at the Eye are completely unable to forget their troubles while the others who are here purely by their own choice are able to put aside the whole thing so easily. And of course, all three of the boys are seen as equally shitty by Agelmar when Mat has an outburst. They all are going to have to learn emotional regulation sooner or later (though arguably Perrin never really does and Rand only pulls it off through magic).

“We of Shienar call ourselves Bordermen, but fewer than fifty years ago, Shienar was not truly of the Borderlands. North of us, and of Arafel, was Malkier. The lances of Shienar rode north, but it was Malkier that held back the Blight. Malkier, Peace favor her memory, and the Light illumine her name.”

It's likely that growing up in the wake of this fall is the thing that pushed Ingtar into becoming a Darkfriend, considering the reasoning he gives for his conversion. Considering how the fall of Malkier also gave us Lan and removed Luc from the world, it's just another demonstration of how Jordan made a very interconnected world to enhance the tapestry of the Pattern.

Lain’s wife, Breyan, made that dare for the envy that burned her heart that al’Akir had been raised to the throne instead of Lain. The King and Lain were as close as brothers could be, as close as twins even after the royal ‘al’ was added to Akir’s name, but jealousy wracked Breyan.

It's really disappointing that in a fantasy world where men are supposed to carry the original sin, not women, we still have a prime example of the Bitter Harpy corrupting her Once-Good Husband and separating him from his Noble Family right out the gate (okay it's the end of book 1 but book 1 is all right out the gate). Lain should have fallen of his own accord and we had to bring his wife into it, it should have only been to bring her down with him.

Breyan fled with her infant son Isam, and was run down by Trollocs as she rode south with him. No one knows their fate of a certainty, but it can be guessed. I can find pity only for the boy.

Like this right here is why it's a problem because Breyan might be treasonous and might have made made Cowin's scheme work, but she apparently wasn't a Darkfriend and had no desire to see Malkier destroyed. Yet she's the snake in the garden who ruins everything.

(Also Agelmar I'm sorry but absolutely none of you are guessing, "He fused with Lord Luc of Andor and is now a hideous creation of the Shadow that stalks two worlds". If anyone said any part of it you'd mock them for being a drunk.)

“To stand against the Shadow so long as iron is hard and stone abides. To defend the Malkieri while one drop of blood remains. To avenge what cannot be defended.”

Thanks mom and dad, that won't give your son any complexes at all. I am preemptively awarding Akir and Leanna (honorary prefixes deliberately withheld) the Worst Parents in the WoT Award, for outstanding achievements in producing broken people. Empress Radhanan is probably worst mother overall but she had twenty years or more to fuck up Tuon and her siblings and you guys had half a year at best.

Mat opened his mouth, and shut it again at a look from Rand. I wish he’d learn to keep it shut. Nynaeve had listened just as wide-eyed as Egwene, but now she was staring into her cup again, her face pale. Egwene put a hand on her arm and gave her a sympathetic look. Moiraine appeared in the doorway, Lan at her heels. Nynaeve turned her back on them. “What did he say?” Rand demanded. Mat rose, and Perrin, too. “Country oaf,” Agelmar muttered, then raised his voice to a normal tone. “Did you learn anything, Aes Sedai, or is he simply a madman?”

This chapter makes it so hard to decide what to highlight. Rand and Mat interacting non-verbally is always great, Nynaeve is freaking out as she's suddenly realizing a) how competent she objectively is by extension of being able to track Lan and b) how terrifying he is as a love interest, Egwene is totally aware of this even as Rand is completely oblivious, and Agelmar has absolutely no respect for the trio and is convinced he never will.

“Yes,” Rand said softly. He heard Egwene gasp. I should have guessed. Burn me, I should have, as soon as I recognized him.

Sadly, Rand won't ever be good at recognizing Darkfriends on sight until he gets a magic power-up that lets him do literally that. Genius mind for human politics, absolutely rubbish for fighting the Shadow. Good thing he's not the sav- Oh right. Oh dear.

“Fain said he has been made the Dark One’s hound, and in a way he is right. The Father of Lies set Fain to hunt, first changing him so he could carry out that hunt. It is the things done to bring about those changes that Fain fears to remember; he hates his master for them as much as he fears him. So Fain was sent sniffing and hunting through all the villages around Baerlon, and all the way to the Mountains of Mist, and down to the Taren and across into the Two Rivers.”

An interesting question that we'll never get the answer to in all this is: how did the Shadow narrow things down to the point of making Fain their hound? I suppose it's possible that once Rand was about 17 they decided to just use as many Darkfriend peddlers as possible and see who got what, but you'd think we would have met one of the failed hounds unless maybe they all got killed for failing. More likely though is that they managed to guess western Andor by some means, but what? Did Ish's release just mean he was able to narrow down the candidates himself?

Agelmar formed the name silently, his eyebrows raised in wonder. Manetheren.

And it's at this point that Agelmar has absolutely no business remaining ignorant of what's really going on here, but as we will see he in fact does.

“He could not lie to me, though he hid much. His words. ‘Ba’alzamon appeared like a flickering candle flame, vanishing and reappearing, never in the same place twice. His eyes seared the Myrddraal, and the fires of his mouth scourged us.’ ”

Is Ish still sealed up just a tiny bit? Is he just permanently TP traveling and racking up the madness? Is he stepping through T'A'R in the flesh in that evil and vile way everyone kept warning us about but we got no payoff for? You decide!

“It was evil against evil in the ruins of Shadar Logoth,” Moiraine continued, “foul fighting vile. When Fain spoke of it, his teeth chattered and he whimpered. Many Trollocs were slain, consumed by Mashadar and other things, including the Trolloc that held Fain’s leash. He fled the city as if it were the Pit of Doom, at Shayol Ghul.

Moiraine stated that Fain seemed to be managing to hide something from him and later notes that there's evil deeper in him than any man she ever saw. Here we see the point where he lied: Fain was Mashadar'd too, but instead of outright killing him it found a hideous balance with the darkness already within.

“If you can learn even a part of what you will face in the Blight, it’s worth an extra day. Battles have been lost for not knowing what the enemy intends.”

Agelmar is absolutely desperate to be useful here but the sad truth of the story is that none of the nobility or great generals manage to accomplish anything for our heroes at any point - they're all the last remnants of a system that frankly needs to be overhauled if not collapse entirely and certainly not be propped up by a ridiculous peace treaty that won't last two months. Every exchange between him and Moiraine is "Please let me do something," followed by "No."

“They aren’t. . . . You are not Red Ajah, Moiraine Sedai, but surely not even you would. . . .”

Here's where Agelmar gets it, though Moiraine soothes him out of thinking this way. It somehow goes right over Rand's head too, which really says a lot about how his denial is still managing to hold up.

#let's read #wheel of time #wot #robert jordan #wheel of time spoilers #wot spoilers #rand al'thor #perrin aybara #mat cauthon #loial #agelmar jagad #nynaeve al'meara #egwene al'vere #moiraine damodred #lan mandragoran

[cynicalmusings]

Saw your post about Cyno's somewhat rigid morality and had some brainworms

I haven't played the archon quest just yet, so hope your answer to this won't have any spoilies

But... I'm thinking about how Alhaitham is moral grayness done right. He is truly a "rational" actor, in the 3.1 quest he straight up tells us that he doesn't act out of empathy.

Is perhaps Cyno being set up to be a different kind of moral grayness? Alhaitham believes himself to be acting out of pure rationality, whereas Cyno seems to operate out of a very rigid definition of "principles" - he believes himself to be upholding his own principles no matter what the cost.

How then would you get him to weigh the cost of a single human life? On which principle other than appeal to emotion would you convince him that the act of taking and giving life should not be taken lightly, beyond the fact that meddling with life and death is one of the Akademiya's six cardinal sins?

I imagine you could probably set up a scenario where you back him into a corner using his own principles - should he someday find himself on the wrong side, and his enemies were in the right all along (because surely he cannot lay claim to always being right about everything especially when it's possible for ANYONE to make the wrong call based on limited information, regardless of your skill or intelligence) - who then becomes the arbiter of the lives of his comrades lost, when he's no longer the one holding the scales? On those grounds, you could wager that if he is the one in the wrong, then his own death should be of no consequence either.

In fact, there's another card you can play against him (heh) - if he is operating on principles handed down to him by a larger organisation/entity (since it's unclear to me at least where his personal motivations come from) - what is his contingency plan if he finds his own loyalties to be in error? Is he blind enough to never suspect, never question any codex of rules handed down to him as sacrosanct, never to be questioned? Who benefits from him blindly executing their will? If he is unquestionably executing someone else's rules, is he then truly an impartial judge as he believes himself to be, or simply a vanguard to be sacrificed as part of a larger scheme he is not privy to?

... this was a whole ass essay, but I figured it would be interesting what would happen if you backed him into a corner. Would he fight his way out and become a villain, or would he admit defeat and redeem himself?

at first, i think he’d be in denial. he’d refuse to believe that he’s done something this wrong, not because he thinks that he’s still in the right by this point, but rather because he literally does not know what to do once he comes to turn with the fact that he has killed ‘good’ people.

but eventually, tell him this enough and point out the facts, and he will crumble. everything he’s fought for all his life— upholding justice and morals— will be flipped on its head, and he’ll just break. the harder your will is, the more it shatters when it eventually cracks, and his will was (up until this point), hard as rock.

he would take a step back and reflect on what he’s done from an outside view: going back through the memories of his actions and applying context to them— the awful, scary context of him being in the wrong— and become sick to his stomach with the knowledge of what he’s done.

afterwards, he’d sort of… drift around aimlessly for a long time, passionless and directionless, in a daze. discovering that he’s essentially betrayed the whole thing he’s been fighting for for years would sap him of not only his passion, but also his confidence and his drive. and for a long time, nobody would be able to help him with this. no matter who talks to him to comfort him, he’d just nod slowly at their words, but none of it would sink in.

it would take a long, long time for him to come to terms with his mistake and start leaving his shell, slowly listen to what everyone else is saying and gradually regaining his confidence. but one thing’s for certain: he would never be as self-assured as he was in the past. there’s a part of his drive that just… left that day, and he’ll never fully recover from it.

although, that could be a blessing in disguise: maybe it would finally make him more open to different perspectives and motivations. who knows?

#if you send in an essay i’ll reply with one #sent: seveninchesfrominsanity #r answers

[brucethewannabebard]

(Don’t) Say “I Love You”

I won’t say I love you. But try not to take it personally. It is just that word has a different meaning for you than it does to me. See words have power and can mean different things to different people. Love unfortunately has lost the deeper meaning it once had for most people. Most use it too liberally, Saying to to everyone about everything. Most people have come to think love just means to like a lot. So they love whatever new show or trend has their attention, forgetting that the thing they loved a month ago they now barely think about. So when you say you love me, do you mean like you love a movie?

Some people try to spread love, insisting that they are full of it to the point they can give it to everyone. People who truly have that much love do exists, but they are few and far between. More often they are people just trying to hide their own damages by trying to please others. Or someone who is more concerned with the concept than the practice. You see most people use love in this context to mean be kind, respectful, and compassionate. But I can give all those things to someone I have no love for. It is simple. So Love stops being about the actual emotion and instead becomes short hand for just not being a bad person. So when you say you love me, do you mean it like you do for that homeless man you gave money to? 

Still more people use it for their friends and family. This is both the most honest common use of love and the biggest killer of the word. Because you can have great platonic and familial love for others, and mean it when you say it. But when you say it to a romantic partner, people often use it because it is a strong feeling like they have for their friends. Thus the problem begins, because infatuation, lust, and fascination can be easily confused for love when you throw in romance to cloud the vision. So when you say you love me, do you really? Or do you just love the excitement of something new? Do you just feel attraction strong enough that you lack a better word so you use the only one you have for strong feelings?

See, while I may be guilty of using the word in all the ways I described, I never lost sight of what it means to me when I say it to a partner. Love in that context isn’t some passing fad, nor some generic good will. It isn’t just the convenient short hand for caring. When I say I love you, I mean it as deeply as I can. It is implicit trust, unwavering support, and dedication. It is me saying I have weighed the options and decided I would rather spend every day with you, no matter the challenges, than ever face the world again without you. 

It is passion that burns so strong that it is visible behind my eyes if you know what to look for. It is the desire to comfort and serve you, and put you first in everything I do. It is wanting to do everything and nothing with you. It is the  comfort to be vulnerable, and open. To have no secrets and no fear. I mean it from the deepest depths of my heart, and to the end of time. 

Because there is no one I have ever said it to that I stopped loving. Sure some of them I hate now as well, but the love is still there. Because when you truly love, you love them regardless of how they wrong you. So I won’t say “I love you”, not until I am sure I mean it. Because if I said it without feeling to that extreme, it would be dishonest of me. So when I do say it, you must understand, I will from then on be in your corner forever. Because I have learned how to live with loving someone, even after they stop liking me. 

But please, now that you know what I expect from the word, don’t say you love me. Because I just might be foolish enough to believe it again. Then when I discover you don’t mean the same thing I do, it will start to crumble. I will still love you, and that I can deal with. But I can’t take the disappointment of another false love again. So say you like me, you enjoy my company, that you miss me when I am gone. Say you care, but not that you love. Because if you tell me that, and I believe it, I won’t be able to survive finding out it was a lie. 

#Love #Relationships #what is love #baby don't hurt me #no more #late night #stream of consciousness #musings #rough draft #heartbreak #heartache #depression #sorrow #loss #love does not come easy #but it refuses to die #pain is often caused #by love that was a lie #this is a bit longer than I intended #oh well #just another therapeutic post #maybe one day the hurt will numb #Then I can dream of a future that doesn't involve suffering from your absence #I have lost happy #but I can hope for content #better to have never loved #but now I have no choice but to keep loving #for nothing can stop it #so why keep fighting?