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bomberqueen17 · 1 month

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ugh

I can't sleep and I'm just sort of stewing over how unprepared I am to be entirely on my own managing my own healthcare. blech.

Did I mention, Farmsister was suffering from hip pain and went to her doctor and was diagnosed with the exact same problem I have?

Diagnosed, I said. Yes! Her doctor actually investigated the cause of her pain, diagnosed her, referred her to a physical therapist, but also came up with a plan of treatment. Told her physical therapy often can't resolve this issue, so after a set amount of PT, if there wasn't enough improvement she'd refer her to an orthopedist instead.

Imagine that. My doctor was like "you've got intermittently debilitating pain? You should go see a doctor about that." and that was that. I went to a physical therapist because that's what she recommended, but I don't have a plan, I'm just spending $150/wk to work out in a room full of other people. I guess I'll ask my PT if there's a plan or like timeline or like, idk, something we should look for, or what. IDK what a realistic goal is. Pain-free seems out of reach. I'd settle for largely functional, I guess? But I don't know, and I guess I'm on my own to figure it out.

And the same with the ADHD! She was like "oh, your insurance isn't going to cover it and it's probably going to take months of waiting, but you had better go see someone about that", and refused to engage any further. So I messaged the psychiatrist today and he doesn't check the messages on that platform so I texted the admin who was like oh usually medication is adjusted at follow-ups, and I'm like well in the three minutes he talked to me it didn't come up I guess, so then they texted back that he says to try taking two pills a day for a couple days and then schedule a follow-up.

I've asked around, and usually I guess the regular adderall pills, you take in two doses at separate times. But if the point is that I'm trying to see if a higher dose helps, I'd probably better take them at the same time??

It's just that when the small ineffective dose wears off four or five hours after I take it, without my ever having had a good phase, I get horribly drowsy and also get this kind of gross formless yearning that I think might be a dopamine crash, where I roam the house in itchy horrible discontent trying to think of something that might help me, but it's not candy and it's not reading a book and it's not napping, and I guess I understand why people turn to drugs or self-harm because the feeling is awful, spacy and wrung-out and aimlessly needy.

But I guess it's up to me to research what that is and what to do about it, and then at my $250 three-minute follow-up appointment in three days or whatever I'll tell the psych what I want prescribed to me, because it's sure as shit not like he's going to have any fucking advice for me.

And like. Laugh out loud at the notion that my primary care physician would give a single shit about this. Maybe I didn't mention this on here either but literally the only thing she has looked into about me is that my blood tests came back with a fasting blood glucose level of 5.7 (idk what units, just that she's fixated on that number) and it is exactly entirely that post circulating about """"pre-diabetes"""? She has put in my chart that she wants to start me on Metformin!! Christ all fucking mighty, it could not be more obvious that she took one look at my fat ass and was like "this bitch eats only candy! I'd better scare her straight!"

Ma'am fuck off. She wants me to get my blood retested in July and I am figuring I'll take advantage of having to have a visit then anyway to get the ADHD stuff entered into my main chart, and I'm also going to tell her that since she was so disinterested in literally any of the conditions actually debilitating me (my hip pain and my ADHD) I had to research those so I could treat myself, and in the course of researching that I found out about the fake "epidemic" of "pre-diabetes" which isn't a thing, it's a fucking PR gambit to sell drugs, and so if she prescribes me diabetes drugs when I do not fucking have diabetes I will not be taking them, and I will also be looking for a new doctor, because I do not appreciate her fixation on treating a condition I do not have while ignoring things that are literally preventing me from leading the life I want to, wherein I can do things like, stand/walk as much as I like and can also like, perform tasks.

So there's my timeline.

(Yeah my insurance won't cover blood testing a second time in a year so that's gonna cost me $200ish, and the phone doctor visit she insisted on to discuss the results last time was $45 and it'll be that again for this one, but I mean, eventually I'll hit my deductible maybe.)

I don't know, people tell me that they have medical professionals that actually listen to and treat them and give them like actual good actionable advice on how to improve their various health conditions but as far as I can tell that all sounds fake and isn't a thing.

Unfortunately, I am too fucking debilitated by my Can't Think Good disease to do a competent job at caring for myself, so I guess I'm just going to have to fucking muddle through somehow, or something.

Probably I should put together my citations on how Pre-Diabetes Is Fake so that when I unload that on my doctor I can do so with fucking footnotes at least. Lord knows I can't sleep at the moment so I might as well do something productive.

#about the author #whining #adhd

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system-of-a-feather · 1 year

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Some Anecdotal Debunking Things About DID Treatment and DID in General

So we're thinking of possibly taking a VOLUNTARY break from therapy as we swap insurances, pick up a new job, open a new part in life etc due to it being an additional complication and we have gotten to a place in healing where we are not as dependent on regular professional support (though we do intend to return when settled to work through a few more things)

And while I know its no where compared to how long some others have been in it, after 7 years of weekly / biweekly therapy and 5 years of DID specialist therapist who explicitly worked with the FBI that helped victims from trafficking cases (luckily not us) just some straight up things about DID that I see non-DID people saying especially on a certain other website that starts with r and ends int t.

Thought it would be a fun thing to do while biking and before studying.

DISCLAIMER: This is based on my experience in healing and working with my therapist. My answers are not the only experience. This is 100% anecdotal. I don't think this will get big enough for me to need to say this, but do not use this post as evidence for literally anything.

"DID isn't having a bunch of friends in your head talking and making jokes and waiting for turns!"

Eh, usually not but why can't it be? Like it takes time and work but people without DID can sit in their head and make jokes at themselves and have fun with themselves. Why is it so outlandish that someone with DID could eventually be happy enough with themselves to get that? Cause tbh, its a lot of how thing are now for us so...

"DID is due to severe and horrific childhood trauma! There can't be this many people who experienced that!"

Oh how I WISH I had your naivety.

"No therapist would just acknowledge something! They would always diagnose! If they don't diagnose you don't have it."

Nah they do. Sometimes its not the main or relevant concern to diagnose (as DID is the primary diagnosis) and other times the diagnosis itself is stigmatizing and/or not the strongest in its construct (a lot of personality disorders) or most of the symptoms of that disorder are mostly covered by other disorders; or just straight up they don't like to diagnose those disorders for a number of clinical reasons. Also, sometimes people are undiagnosable which does not mean "does not have" but that their specific case makes it impossible to create a certain diagnostic differential as it is unclear which came first. We are undiagnosable for autism as we have had an autism and trauma specialist both say we behave and appear very autistic however we have too few overt dysfunctions so it is unsure if we "learned it" from the two family members we have + have OCD, OCPD and PTSD or if we are just a well-adjusted / adapted individual. Either way, it would hardly be a relevant diagnosis, so no therapist finds value in trying to spend time getting the the core of it.

"You can't switch on command!"

Yes but no. You can learn to be really good at switching and drawing parts out but there will always be a margin of error cause shit be like that.

"You can't have two alters talking at the same time at the front! You can't rapid switch"

Yeah nah, we've had four it's chill. Welcome to lessening dissociative barriers.

"You can't split alters after childhood"

the fuck you on about of course you can life sucks after childhood too dumbass

"Introjects / Fictional Introjects aren't real!"

Nah. *sips drink in introject*

"Animal alters aren't real! Inanimate object alters aren't real!"

Nah. Our therapist has seen dragons and zombies and werewolves, we had even specifically mentioned this. They're pretty darn common.

"Why are all their alters QUEER?"

Have you considered.... that they might be queer? Just a thought.

"If you had DID people would know! It would be obvious!"

Nope.

"If you had DID no one would know! It would be covert!"

Also nope.

"A GOOD therapist would not let you operate as different parts! They wouldn't feed into the delusion! They'd have you fuse"

Wow, I didn't know forcing your patient to do anything is the HALLMARK of a good therapist, thanks for letting me know. /s

"DID is a life altering disorder! It would ruin your life! You would be unable to do anything!"

Uhhhh no. That's just infantilizing and honestly a really negative / problematic thing to say about anyone with mental illness. Thats the shit that perpetuates the "this mentally ill person should be institutionalized 24/7

"People with DID can't drive!"

Partially true. A lot of people with DID can struggle with driving, but plenty can navigate that.

"Parts can't talk to one another! Parts don't know about eachother! Parts dont know / talk / do XYZ"

Nope. Just that shits all dumb ngl get your head out of your ass.

"People with DID would hate having parts! People with DID would not actually identify as multiple people! People with DID would be chronically miserable!"

Bro stop. Not true.

"People with DID would ALWAYS identify as multiple people. People with DID would LOVE having parts"

Not as common of a thing I've heard but also not true

"Befriending and sharing your experiences / being overt with your DID expression is only harmful and only worsening the condition."

Nah a large part of DID recovery is learning about your disorder and the parts you have to navigate life with and realistically it is very difficult to hide this disorder from people who are permanent parts in your life so a lot of the time - at least with your close personnel - it's very important to be open and communicative about it and leave space for all parts to exist as they wish.

"You can't have THAT many disorders"

Have you read about how badly chronic childhood stress fucks up the body and brain? People with DID tend to have a fucking essay worth of diagnoses. Chronic childhood traumatic stress is extremely damaging and taxing.

That's all for now cause I need to get to studying but just a few. Maybe Ill add more as I think of more stupid things I've heard.

EDIT: one more important one

"XYZ trauma isn't real! This is all just the Satanic Panic! False Memories! Iatrogenic! XYZ trauma is fake! RAMCOA isn't real!"

You are a mother fucking little bitchy asshole huh. Who the fuck do you think you are? Please refer to fucking #2 and I wish I had your naivety

#alter: riku #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #fakeclaiming #did #probably some xiv snark too #ill give him credit #i dont hear him but probably passive influence #alter: xiv

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meet-me-in-the-pouringrain · 1 year

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The Phoenix And The Rocket

Chapter 3

Part 1

Part 2

Again thank you for the love <3 this got away from me and the word count is 3k exactly.

Emily Prentiss, at the insistent of her therapist, signs up for a trauma ‘dumping’ site. She never expected that her Dump would connect her back to her old boss and the man she’s been in love with for over ten years.

Also the man that she’s absolutely furious at for leaving.

Edit : Since publishing I have been made aware that the term ‘Trauma Bonding’ is actually an abuse tactic and doesn’t mean ‘bonding over shared trauma’. Would like to make it clear that was a very strong mistake on my part and I apologise deeply for any offence.

Read below the cut

It’s Aaron’s turn to ghost his Buddy.

Aaron doesn't reply after that ominous message. He physically couldn't because as he types a reply, brow furrowed and confusion evident on his face, Jack yells out at the top of his lungs and a loud clatter quickly follows.

He takes the stairs two at a time, his hand twitching at his ankle, feeling for a gun that's no longer there. His son is lying on the tiled floor of the bathroom, groaning in pain.

"I slipped" Jack moans, scrunched in pain. "As I got out. My arm-."

"Oh buddy" Aaron sighs, partly in relief but mostly sympathy. He sinks down to his knees, gingerly pushing Jack into a sitting position. He watches Jack wince and hiss in pain at any attempt of moving his left arm. Aaron cringes at the awkward angle the elbow is at. "Yeah that looks broken." He shakes his head and stands. "C'mon we'll get you dressed and take you to the emergency room."

He does just that, spending hours in A&E as Jack got seen too, the computer blinking forgotten with Phoenix's last message going ignored.

He leads Jack back in around 4am, cursing the higher ups for the trivial paperwork of medical insurance while simultaneously thanking the FBI retirement plan for his incredible insurance. His computer had died while he was out and he snaps it shut, putting it in his case without a second thought.

Jack uses his right hand to drink water, he inherited his left hand dominance from his father, with a grimace.

"I hate that shower" He croaks in the dark of the living room. Aaron chuckles and nods in agreement. "I hate this goddam house."

"Ma- Jack." He admonishes quietly.

It's been a argumentative point between them. Ever since Jack overheard Uncle Dave's phone call announcing the end of Scratch, he had been resistant. He barely responded to his false name, never from his father, He complained about their old house and begged on the regular to move back to Arlington, Virginia to be closer to his late mother's sister.

To a degree, Aaron had to agree with him. Their house was awful. It was old, practically falling apart, and rickety. Last year, Aaron himself took a tumble down the stairs and sprained his ankle. It fit with their cover - Frank and his son Max moved to Colorado after his wife and mother skipped town to marry a richer man. Frank was supposed to be a simple tradesman, working from wage slip to wage slip.

He hated the house too. However, he cannot and will not be able to go back to his old life. Not like Jack thinks he can.

Not like She did.

"Whatever" Jack says, stopping a brewing argument. "I'm tired dad."

"I can help you to be-"

"I didn't break my legs" Jack snipes back, his exhaustion and teenaged frustration at the world making him lash out. He apologises softly before walking away and up the stairs. He trips on the bottom step, a loud curse exiting his lips, making Aaron squeeze his eyes shut. Jack growls under his breath, slapping his hand on the handrail, before stomping off.

Aaron watches him go with just his eyes, following the figure of his son up the stairs. His eyes still move up even after Jack leaves the landing and finish on the ceiling.

"Oh Haley" He breathes out. "I'm sorry." He clears his throat and shakes his head. "I don't know what to do."

The wind picks up, alerting him to the open window. He curses himself for his foolishness, his time away from the FBI making him sloppy. Jack's bag tips over and college flyers and pamphlets fly out. He frowns at the sight, his 16 year old growing up far to fast for his opinion. Aaron rushes over to clean the mess, fumbling in the dark, until one makes him pause.

A flyer for the FBI academy.

Quantico in big block yellow letters.

The flyer mentions specific departments on the front. White Collar, Counter-Terrorism, The numerous International Units.

And the BAU.

Aaron raises his eyes to the window, a scowl on his face. "You think you're funny huh?" He teases the imaginary woman. There is no response from the window, making him roll his eyes. He stuffs the papers back in his son's backpack but leaves that specific one out.

Now he's got a decision to make on his hands that he really doesn't want to have to make.

~>~

Emily scribbles her signature on Matt's latest report, slamming it down on her pile of paperwork she's angrily completing.

She was annoyed.

She's always annoyed sitting in that seat for one reason or another. Whether it was because Luke decided he was a comedic genius and she was his prime target audience. Spencer and his ability to rattle off a statistic or fact that has her inadvertently annoyed and insecure. The girls and their probing questions about her nonexistent love life and (moderately healthy thank you very much) sex life. Or Dave.

Just Dave.

The only one who doesn't piss her off is Matt and that's because he's never fucking there since he went part time.

But she was actually annoyed at herself this time. Rocket hasn't replied to her in two weeks. In fairness, she left him on delivered for a week. But two? And he left her on read.

So now, rationally, she's concluded that her ominous message means that she's spooked her new Buddy.

Because for some reason, Emila Maria Prentiss is incapable of making friends that aren't forced to be with her for extended periods of time in a work setting.

Now, that means she's gotta work up the courage to message a new person but no one is as quite as intriguing as Rocket and he was very friendly to her, even after she ghosted him and asked him a rather invasive question that she herself would have found offensive to if asked.

So yeah, She was annoyed at herself.

So much so that she was literally pouting at work all day. Her frostiness had made Luke retreat away from his attempt at comedy, Spencer had left her alone (after she snapped at him and gave him more paperwork that is). She also snapped at JJ who gave it right back to her and told her to calm the hell down. Luckily for them, Tara and Matt are in the field helping another department and Penelope hasn't left the lair to encounter her yet.

Dave's still being an asshole but for different reasons than simply being a pain in her ass for amusement.

"Emily." The old man sung from her doorway, mischievous glee in his tone. "I'm sorrryy."

"Dave, You went and goaded an unsub" She rolled her eyes, glaring at him. "To the point where you forced Tara's hand in shooting him. We had him"

"He wanted to go out by Cop" Dave was indifferent to her attitude. "He was going to do whatever it takes, I just sped up the process."

"YOU SHOULDN'T-" Emily began to yell at the top of her lungs, making heads turn towards her off. She cut herself off with a deep breath, shaking her hair out of her face.

Dave just stares at her, unfazed by her yelling. He actually smirks at her, making her grip on her pen tighten and her knuckles turn white. "Yes ma'am" He mocks back before slinking away. Just in time too, because she hurls the same pen where he was stood, just missing Tara too.

The other woman whistles as she drops a fresh mug of coffee on her friends desk. "Damn" She states, going to shut the door. Emily tuts in a sort of agreement. She's beginning to acknowledge that her self loathing episode is starting to project onto her team and somehow hates herself even more for it. Tara looks at her seriously, perching on the corner of her desk.

"Don't ask it-"Emily begins miliseconds after the coffee falls down her throat.

"When's the last time you got laid?" Tara cuts her off. Emily groans and turns her chair away but her friend wasn't finished. "Seriously, I'm in the middle of a divorce and think i've got more action than you."

"Haha" Emily offers back sarcastically over her shoulder. "I don't know like...a couple months ago I went out after Andrew and I-"

"DAMN"

"GARCIA" Emily hollers, jumping in surprise. The door opens and a guilty Penelope shuffles in. She pauses midway and turns to look to her left. Emily pinches the bridge of her nose and grits her teeth. "That better be fucking JJ and not Luke." She practically growls out.

"Ew" Penelope spits back, face scrunching at the thought she'd be scheming with The Newbie Who's Not Morgan. Tara laughs behind her own mug as JJ pops her head in with a goofy grin.

"It's meeeee" JJ sang, stepping in. She was apparently over the little spat they had earlier in the day. "And we couldn't help but over hear-"

"Don't start" Emily groans again.

"Em" Penelope starts, softer than the other twos teasing tones. "C'mon you've acted off all day."

"Not because I need to get laid" Emily insists. "I'm fine."

Instantly all three of them make exclaims. Emily rolls her eyes as they begin mocking her. It seems to be like a trigger word for them because every time she insists on it, they mock her and make points as to why she was, in fact, not fine.

"Anyway, I smell girls night" Tara ceases her mocking first, somehow, and smiles. "Where are we going? There's a new Irish bar-"

"No Irish Bars" All three other ladies suddenly cut her off. She furrows her brows but relents when JJ points at their boss with wide eyes. Tara winces and remembers the story that spread around their workplace like wildfire.

Emily's chest burns with the silence after that. Penelope and JJ don't like going to any Irish Bars with her anymore, not after spotting the 4 leaf clover on her chest during their first hot tub party since she rose from the ashes. Especially not after she got drunk on tequila and started rambling about how the bar they were in was like the one where she met her demon for the first time.

"Let's just go to Murphys sports bar"'Emily sighs after a few seconds.

“You mean the one that's literally on the corner of your street?" Penelope asks, deadpan. Emily gaze was hard.

“Yes” Emily blinks, unwavering

And that conversation is the reason she stumbles in her own apartment, alone, at 2am with lovebite on her neck from a man who's name she can't remember. That's all she has to show for that too. A stupid fucking love bite.

JJ went home around 10pm, relatively sober. Emily was still nursing a lemonade at that time. She went home because Michael had a nightmare and was screaming for his mother and Henry had thrown up. Will called her to tell her he had it handled but not to worry and that he loves her so she left straight away. Emily watched her go, sadly, remembering nights when JJ could stay out all night with her and Penelope. She was glad (maybe a little jealous) and also hurt that JJ had something waiting for her at home.

Penelope was next to leave, a phonecall from Derek (that Emily had taken over) telling them that Savannah had a medical emergency and they had to go to the hospital and asking her if she could watch Hank.

Emily can honestly say she's never seen her friend move faster in her life.

Eventually, Tara got off with some random girl she picked up at the bar while Emily cornered a good looking man who was about ten years younger than her and had been eyeing her up at the bar the entire night.

They fool around in the bathroom until her stupid badge falls out of her purse and the man stammers out some lame excuse and jumps off. She sighs and leans down to scoop up her badge and found a bag of weed right next to it.

So she stomps off home; grumpy, drunk, sad unsatisfied and alone.

It hits her as she settles in bed that her low feelings came from an internet stranger who she had spoken to twice.

"Fucking HELL" Emily blurts out, slapping the covers and lying on her back. She stared up at the ceiling, scowling.

What was wrong with her lately?

Sergio hisses on the pillow next to her at her yell before trotting over to his mom and laying on her chest, uncaringly. "Whaddya want?" She asks, scratching his head. "Little Shit" She says to him, lovingly. The cat purrs at the scratch before suddenly pouncing off.

She watches through the crack of her door as Sergio eyes the laptop on her work/dining table. It's on charge, the wire snaking down to the floor. Emily swears to a God she's unsure she believes in that the cat looks at the wire, looks back at her and proceeds to attack it mercilessly. She yells his name far too loud for near 3am and darts across the apartment to save her laptop. She catches him and the device before it falls on the floor.

"Bad cat" She admonishes, resorting to putting him in his crate. "Go to sleep." She snaps as if he could understand her. She turns back to the half open computer with a sigh and begins to push it down.

PING.

"Oh you are-" Emily begins, narrowing her eyes. The alcohol gets to her, because she turns and stares suspiciously at her cat who's looking like he's plotting her downfall. "Are you psychic?" She asks, hesitantly reaching to open the laptop.

It was an Email from Linda Barnes, the new section chief.

Emily deletes it without even reading it, rolling her eyes and pads to the kitchen to grab some water for the morning.

And then she returns right back to the computer. In the morning, she'll sit and think about the fact that she's been (moderately) drunk each time she's spoken to Rocket and reevaluate that aspect with her therapist. Right now though, the alcohol has given her enough courage to restart the conversation.

PhoenixPren : Hey so I've been thinking about it

She types without really thinking.

PhoenixPren : And I've had a bit to drink.

A bit is an understatement if we're being honest now.

PhoenixPren : And I would like to be Buddies. I don't really have anyone to talk to about all of this.

She thinks back to earlier in the day when Tara innocently suggested an Irish Bar and her friends practically froze at the idea.

They don't talk about it, never did. Derek's gone and even if he was here he wouldn't be up for discussing it. Dave tries but doesn't execute it well, Spencer looks at her with sad eyes that make her feel fucking sick, and the others simply weren't there.

The only one who she could talk about it with left her in the dust.

PhoenixPren : I have a whole lot baggage from my teen years and youth but that's a story for another day.

Hell, she could write a whole post on this stupid site about her mother alone.

She takes a deep breath, wondering how to phrase 'I was in a special unit and employed to sleep with and almost marry an Irish terrorist who i then faked the death of his son and he escaped a NK prison to target me and I had to fake my own death'.

Eventually she spins a tale about a doomed, abusive relationship and an ex boyfriend who tried to kill her. She mentions witness protection, figuring that it might help Rocket too, to find someone who can relate, but that's the extent of it, leaving out the messiness of Declan and JTF-12.

When she's finished typing, she's crying. A huge weight feels like it's been lifted of her shoulders after she trauma dumped on this poor stranger who probably expected something a lot smaller than that.

With the listlessness comes the guilt. That was a lot to read, even for her, So she types out a final message.

PhoenixPren : I know that's a lot and it's okay if you don't want to respond. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to expel all that. It's been over ten years and I haven't discussed it with anyone in detail.

Not even her therapist. It's a lot more intimidating when you're sitting on a leather couch across from a woman with a clipboard and a power suit staring at you through thin glasses and a tight bun.

Huh. Now she understands the site.

Emily let's out a shaky breath, a sob and swallows thickly. She remembers that Rocket is in Colorado so it's only Midnight for him while it's near 3am for her. She drags herself to bed, somehow feeling lighter than she had in years yet heavier than normal, and face plants the pillow.

Sergio howls in his cage and she rolls her eyes and pushes herself up to grab him, He'll just howl all night if he has to.

The laptop pings again as she's padding on her hardwood floor.

"I swear to God if that's Lind-" She begins her threat to mid air, leaning over the laptop.

RocketRacoon : Thank you for sharing. I'm honoured to be your Buddy, You certainly have lived through a lot. Thank you, Phoenix. Have a good night :)

Emily's crying again reading her buddies sweet message. She resolves that she's too drunk to respond appropriately and heads to bed. Sergio gets in one last hiss to the laptop but settles down when Emily shuts the door.

She kisses his head and almost instantly succumbs to sleep.

As always : OG prompt came from @lonelychicagos

Taglist : @84hotpockets @serqueljisbon @loriprentiss @velvetblackness

If you want to added or removed to the taglist, shoot me a dm ❤️

#criminal minds #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner #hotchniss #agent hotchner #criminal minds fanfiction #hotchniss fanfiction #emily prentiss fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfiction #hotch #agent prentiss #The Phoenix And The Rocket

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inevitably-johnlocked · 7 months

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Hey Steph! Hope you have some advice for me...I always get extremely nervous when I have to go to work. And I don't understand why, I like my job (and I'm pretty good at it), my coworkers and my boss. Why am I like this 🤧

Hey Nonny! *HUGS*

I'm going to start off by saying I am in no way a professional, I just speak from personal anecdotes and experiences, as well as offering my opinions, so take what I say with a grain of salt, LOL.

Honestly Nonny, it sounds like social anxiety... I had it REALLY bad when I had to go back to the office last year, and I still have it when I have to deal with people on the daily. Public transit makes me super anxious, and other places and situations I'm not familiar with do as well. Could be you're anxious about doing a good job, your body overthinking things subconsciously and then giving a panic response in return.

Basically – and this is something I've had told to me by my therapist – I have control issues that are part of my overall mental health diagnosis. If I don't have control of a situation – like public transit or other people's inability to move at a pace that my brain deems acceptable – then I go into a panic response of immediately trying too assess how to fix things and retake control. Fortunately this is something I am working very hard on in regular therapy with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and basically it's us working on ways to rewire my brain to STOP with the panic response.

BUT AGAIN, that's for me. Could be a similar issue for you too, Nonny, since, scarily, this sounds SO much like me. I'm not as bad as I used to be since I've been seeing my therapist, but it is a LOT of work and money that my insurance covers, thankfully. I think you might benefit, if you're able to, from CBT as well if this is all you're having issues with in relation to anxiety. But again, I can't diagnose you since I'm not trained nor do I know you or more details beyond this ask. BUT my therapist always tells me to look into the "bigger picture"... it's not the JOB that's making you anxious. Do you commute, or is it the prospect of possible failure, or is it certain people (in my case it was all of the above)? Figure out what is triggering that anxiousness in you, and it will be easier to work outwards from there <3

But yeah, I'd at least research CBT, I believe that there are self-management techniques you can do to help with a bit of your anxiety <3

Sorry I'm not much help other than that. Like I said, please take my anecdotes as being just that <3

If anyone has anything they can share, please do.

OH! And Nonny? You're like that because you're human. 💜🖤 No one is perfect.

#steph replies #i am not a professional #my advice #life advice #mental health #social anxiety #chatting with nonnies

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hiisheart · 1 month

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( so i have a couple updates from today i wanna share with y'all.

i ended up having that Serious Conversation™ about my gender n transition plans n stuff with my parents tonight. while i wasn't satisfied with a lot of the things that happened during it, likely because i was overwhelmed as fuck for the good portion of it, we ended up coming to a good solution about where to go next. what at least i'm hoping we're able to do - at least i hope given the ethical implications of doing so and my therapist's comfort with it - is have at least semi-regular meetings together with my therapist moving forward to help them to understand me and my gender more, which tbh idk why i didn't think of before but i think is a fantastic first-first step before any transition plans. and tbh, i think doing so would help my guilt for having them cover the insurance that would cover parts of things i'd decide to do later on, and it would also give me time to do some reflection on what my parents have to say as well. i know i don't technically have to do this because i'm an adult, but because i'm so financially reliant on them in the moment i think it'd help to give us all some peace of mind in the meantime. so, to those of y'all who may have sent me some $$ for my hope to start t soon, let me know if you want a refund, & if you do i'd be happy to provide them in whatever way works best for you. just let me know. <3 )

#( & honestly i think talking about and being straightforward about my dysphoria will help alleviate it )#( bc doing so has been demonstrably helpful in the past )#( i just gotta. learn HOW to talk about it. LMFAO )#delete later.#( <- adding this tag bc i don't want this floating out there in the easily accessible ether for eternity lmfao )#⠀ ⠀ ♥︎ ⠀ ⠀ 𝒏𝒐𝒂𝒉 𝒓𝒂𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒔 ⠀ ⠀ ╱ ⠀ ⠀ out of character.

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trans-axolotl · 1 year

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What do you do if you're highly recommended HLOC for eating disorders but for reasons both financial and personal you can't do that? I also don't have consistent access to therapy or regular healthcare either, despite having state insurance and a therapist. It's getting really scary for me but HLOC is just not something I'm capable of doing.

Hi, anon <3

That's a really hard situation to be in, and I know how overwhelming it can be to try to navigate eating disorder care and HLOC, especially when these resources aren't accessible or financially feasible. I can completely understand how scary eating disorders can get, and how challenging it can be to even get the energy to reach out for support.So definitely kudos to you for still trying to figure all this out despite all the difficulties. You deserve support and care in whatever ways make sense for you and your life right now, and I hope that you have the room to process any feelings you might be having.

Something that has been helpful for me to hold onto during my eating disorder recovery journey has been harm reduction values and frameworks. I know for me, the thought of recovery was incredibly scary, and rigid treatment frameworks didn't feel sustainable or accessible at all. Trying to make goals around doing any positive change, reminding myself that I didn't have to wake up and change everything in one day, accessing practical harm reduction tips for how to keep myself medically stable even if I wasn't ready to stop using behaviors, and setting more realistic goals around reducing frequency or severity of behaviors rather than trying to confront everything at once helped. Nalgona Positivity and Pride is an organization that has some really cool resources around eating disorders and harm reduction, and also hosts a monthly support group for POC with eating disorders. Engaging with fat liberation politics and values was also something that was super helpful for me to start undoing some of the really tangled up core beliefs and functions of my eating disorder. (I know that body image is not a relevant part of everyone's eating disorder experience, and I also can share some more specific resources for ARFID or PICA if that's a need.)

I want to really validate that it's completely okay if you don't want to go into HLOC. So often in the eating disorder treatment world, we hear a lot of really rigid statements that try to convince us that HLOC is the only option for healing. I know I felt a lot of shame in eating disorder treatment spaces for not being a "perfect" or "compliant" patient, and dealing with all the coercion when people tried to convince me to go to HLOC was so hard. So just know that it is completely understandable and justifiable that you would have reasons that you're not interested in HLOC, and your autonomy should be respected. I really do believe that there are lots of different ways healing can look like for us, and that all of us are going to be the expert on what would be the most helpful for our own situations. I know I did also feel a lot of grief that there weren't more alternative or easily accessible options, and felt a lot of anger on how alone and panicked I felt when I knew that I couldn't cope with my eating disorder anymore, but didn't want to be institutionalized either. So just really sending love and solidarity your way for whatever you're feeling and going through right now.

One resource that might be helpful is Project Heal, who provides scholarships when insurance isn't enough to cover eating disorder treatment. I don't know if you would be interested in IOP or PHP if that was made financially accessible, but Project Heal might be able to help make that happen if you do want to go down that route. I don't know if you're at all interested in virtual treatment, but I do know a couple people who have successfully just gotten scholarships from Equip eating disorder treatment when they explained their financial need. Quite a few eating disorder treatment centers will have scholarships programs that aren't advertised, and it's sometimes worth calling treatment programs and asking to see what can be done.

If any formal treatment is not an option, it might be helpful to try to make a really intentional plan about how you might want to approach this within your individual support network. Understanding why your providers are recommending a HLOC, whether it's because they think you need medical stabilization, weight restoration, being in a secure environment for behavior interruption, access to meal support five times a day, or something else, might help to focus on priorities and goals. Whether or not you agree with their interpretation of your situation, it might be helpful to sort of figure out what your more urgent priorities are right now so that you can make a plan for what your next couple weeks/months look like. I'm not sure if that's something that your therapist could help with or not, but making a plan with them or someone else from your support network might help to provide a bit of a way forward.

I know some people who have really tried to do a "treatment at home model" where with support from their friends/family/partner, they've set up a more intentional environment where they've made some specific goals, asked friends/family to provide meal support at specific times throughout the day, and done therapy/journaling/art/healing work at times throughout the day. I know that a lot of this stuff depends on what supports you do have in your life currently, and whether you can take time off work/school, or how other disabilities can play into whether things like meal prep and cooking are even accessible at all. But I know some people who've found it really helpful to try to really just set aside time to focus solely on eating disorder coping, even doing some things like copying schedules from treatment programs and doing that in their house. That might be too overwhelming or not a viable option, which is totally valid. But if you want to try to brainstorm what a plan like this might look like, definitely feel free to send another ask with some more specifics and I'm happy to try to help with some of that brainstorming.

When I was really struggling with my eating disorder before I ended up in a HLOC, what I tried to do was have some sort of eating disorder support every day of the week. I think it's so hard to heal in isolation, and a really important step can just be trying to start to create some way of accessing community. What that looked like for me was going to like four different eating disorder support groups a week through different organizations, and accessing support from a recovery coach. Recovery coaches are usually people who have gone through the process of eating disorder recovery, and a lot of people might be in school for their license as counselors or dietitians. They can provide meal support several times a week, do things like go grocery shopping with you or do challenging food exposures. It's more informal than therapy, but can provide some more of that material support. If you're interested in that, I know several providers who provide sliding-scale services and are really willing to make things accessible. I can't share their names publicly for privacy reasons, but if you send in an ask off anon or dm me I'm happy to send you their information.

I also went to support groups through FEDUP, the Eating Disorder Foundation, and ANAD. There are several different groups that happen at different times virtually throughout the week, and some are identity specific while some are open to anyone. Those can be an awesome source of peer support and people can provide really helpful feedback and advice or help you talk through specific challenges you're having.

Overall, I just want to affirm that whatever steps you are able to take to take care of yourself and engage with your eating disorder recovery are worth celebrating. This stuff can be so difficult, and even small steps you can take to try to stabilize, reach out for support, making a small goal, are all amazing accomplishments. Sending love and solidarity during this difficult time, and please feel free to reach out again with any more specific questions or even just to vent. Truly wishing you the best of luck <3

Any followers who have relevant knowledge of other resources or helpful tips, please feel free to add on.

#asks #eating disorder tw #eating disorder treatment #peer support #ti didn't want this to get too long but i started rambling a bit asfkjh

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trans-girl-nausicaa · 1 year

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what was the timeline like from deciding to get the surgery to having it done? are there any like, forced waiting periods you had to go through?

I think the overall timeline of when I was actively seeking surgery was like 18 months. I was actually pretty lucky to get it done in such a timely fashion- I have heard of people having to wait years for a surgery date. There are a lot of different appointments with different people that you have to schedule so it just naturally takes a long time. Plus because of how few surgeons there are, their waitlists are months to years long. I’ll break down the process of how I got to surgery into a few steps:

I got referrals for surgeons from my regular trans care doctor

I found out none of those surgeons are covered by my insurance

I called my insurance company and asked them to provide me a list of surgeons in their network because they said they cover transgender care. My insurance company said they dont have such a list.

I independently looked up GRS surgeons in america and called their offices to see if they accepted my insurance

I found a surgeon who accepted my insurance and has good reviews.

I got letters of referral from my GP, my therapist, and a gender psychologist

I scheduled a consultation appointment with my surgeon’s office. at the appointment my surgeon literally inspected my dick and was like “yeah I can make a pussy from this” which was one of the most surreal doctors appointments of my life. at the consultation appointment they gave me a date for my surgery- It was in only 10 months, which I felt super lucky about.

surgery day!

#medical transition #surgery cw

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terminallybisexual · 1 year

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the way that the negligence and straight up laziness of doctors has absolutely decimated the quality of life of so many people i know makes me furious. my mother was legitimately disabled for seven years because no doctor could be bothered to physically examine her. she underwent countless diagnostic tests and temporary/useless treatments and had numerous misdiagnoses, all from different doctors and specialists.

we couldn’t afford physical therapy on a regular basis because insurance wouldn’t cover it. only once in a rare while when a doctor would tell our insurance company “hey, she needs a few sessions of PT” would she start (temporarily) feeling better. finally, a physical therapist was trying to help her move her body in a specific way and my mom told her that it hurt to do that. she said “hm, that’s not right, that doesn’t align with your diagnosis. I’m going to order radiographs for you to see if there’s something else going on.” those radiographs were the only reason she got an appropriate diagnosis. she had severe arthritis in her hips and lower back (she was VERY young for this).

If a doctor had taken just a few minutes out of their day to physically examine her, she could have gotten this diagnosis years ago and it never would have gotten to the point that it did. the chronic pain was so bad that she planned to kill herself. she came really close; that physical therapist saved her life. maybe it’s just because i’m in veterinary medicine, but the idea of not physically examining a patient is borderline criminal to me. it’s truly unfathomable.

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mousemilf · 1 year

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Yeah that my mind is not that fascinating, it's just very so so normal ^_^

Also, yeah I went and saw a sexual help thing and my country actually pays up for trauma counselling and so on so I got to see a psychiatrist and maybe a psychologist soon and aside from telling me I would be happier if I was less fat, it was really good. Highly recommend hours of just talking about yourself and then having people read you back what they have inferred

oh hell yeah thats awesome. are you actually normal? like youre on tumblr.

thats rly cool though ;-; i havent been to any kind of regular therapy since high school when my parents made me go. i didnt think it was helpful bcs i simply refused to talk about much. but i also didnt really have any behavioral problems my parents just saw my normal teenage straight-a sober virgin behavior as difficult.

i just have a very hard time acknowledging real serious things and tend to downplay/deny any issues that i have and i dont like hearing negative things abt myself, cant take my own problems seriously, and have such a contrarian personality that makes me really unreceptive to help. like if most people try to give me emotional support i just argue with them and get mad. plus therapyspeak pisses me off instantly i have a knee-jerk reaction to it. my insurance should cover therapy but im just like. so turned off to the idea in general and idk where to start looking for a therapist id like.

however i think like. it has become clear that my issues are affecting people outside of myself, and last night my bf said that what i talked to him abt put my behavior in a different context and just hearing that from him and his reaction being to specifically tell me i need professional help made me kind of see things differently. i owe it to him to work on this esp bcs like, he is such a stabilizing influence for me and he has been through a million times worse and is in therapy consistently and doesn't expect me to fill that role for him. if i dont seek help my two options are 1) burden him or close friends with this and not get actual help or 2) continue to repress it and act out and hurt people. like i have to do something.

anyway. 👍

#ic #anon

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findingmypeace · 2 years

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10/2/2022

I’ve been babysitting for most of the day. I still have 3 hrs to go. It’s been pretty easy but also boring. It’s just one of the kids today (there’s two that still need supervision) and he’s not feeling the greatest (has a cold) so I’ve pretty much let him hang out and watch tv for most of the day. He’s also played his keyboard quite a bit. He’s getting pretty good at playing his keyboard. And then of course I’ve made him breakfast and lunch. One of the older kids is here-she’s 19 but she just broke her clavicle so she’s spent most of the day in her room. Outside of that it’s been a fairly calm day.

I think I might have found a new therapist. I found a website that lists all the psychologists in our county (not psychology today). K is listed on there as well. But right after her is someone who is trained in attachment and eating disorders and takes my new insurance. Over the past week I’ve looked at hundreds of profiles (this time on Psychology Today) and have not felt any connection or even any desire to work with them. None of them seemed to fit. But this therapist I found seems like the best fit I’m going to find.

I still want to ask K about the superbill but I’m beginning to think it’s probably not a good idea. I also pay for my dietitian out of pocket because insurance companies usually don’t cover dietitians for purposes of an eating disorder (which is stupid, imo). But between my dietitian and K I would be paying $1,200 a month at the beginning. Once I submit the single case agreement I will start getting reimbursed for sessions with K but insurance companies aren’t the most ethical companies so I’ll probably get reimbursed half or less than half of K’s actual fee. If that’s the case I will probably still be paying $1,200/month and being reimbursed $3-400 a month. Maybe $500 if I’m super lucky. That still leaves me paying between $900-$600 out of pocket each month. Unless, I just don’t have a dietitian. That would save me about $400 more a month. There is a small chance my new insurance would cover a dietitian, also through a superbill. I think I remember my dietitian saying something about that. But I could be wrong. The bottom line is that I’m just not quite sure I can afford to spend that much of my income on a therapist/dietitian. And, yet, I’m desperate to keep seeing K. I do kind of want to try it just to see how much the insurance company is willing to reimburse me but I wouldn’t be able to afford to start doing that until probably December by which time I should be caught up on my bills and be all signed up for my new insurance. I could try it and if it’s not affordable I would have to stop seeing K but I could see this new therapist I found.

I don’t know. Maybe how desperate I am is a sign I need to find someone new. But I don’t like that idea. I just wish this whole situation never happened. I felt really secure with K. I feel like this came out of the blue. And she told me the day after I stepped down from residential. And now I don’t have a therapist while I’m going through all of this transition and loss and right after discharge from treatment. I really don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be without therapy for the next two months. But there really isn’t anything else I can do, especially until I start getting a regular pay check and catch up with my bills.

#personal #therapy

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mullinsgroth71 · 12 days

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The Best Massage Tips Which Never Fail You

Too many hours spent working and leading a very busy lifestyle can really take a tool on your body. Why not ease some of the aches and pain away with a great massage? Scheduling an appointment is quick and easy, and your health insurance may cover the cost for you. Learn more in the following article. Pregnancy can be especially hard on your body over the course of nine months. Carrying the extra weight from the baby can lead to aches and pains in places that you never knew existed. Treating yourself to full body prenatal massages can be just the thing to get you feeling more like yourself again. Discuss your needs with your therapist. Some people may feel a little uncomfortable at the prospect of getting a massage because they feel out of control. Tell the massage therapist about any sore areas, such as your back, knees or neck, so that they can avoid them or treat them accordingly. And don't forget to let them know of your preferences for things like background music, room lighting and temperature. The whole point is for you to be able to relax, so make sure the conditions suit you. You need to watch your partner; that is a cardinal rule about massage. Carefully observe muscle movements and facial expressions that they make during your massage. Practice will make perfect as you explore their body. When their body tenses up, you are probably pushing too hard. Do not eat too heavy of a meal if you are going to a massage within the hour. Do not eat too much, as it can make you feel nauseous during the massage. Eating a light, healthy meal is the best choice. If you notice knots in the back while you are giving a massage, you can kneed them out with some pressure from your fists. Simply get your fists into a ball and work them over the knotted spot for a few minutes. Apply more pressure if the knots are deeper, as long as the recipient remains comfortable. Help the massage therapist by relaxing your body. Avoid trying to "help" by tensing certain muscles or areas. The massage therapist is well-educated in various ways to maneuver your body parts to achieve the best results from massage, but their work is hindered if you can't relax. Try doing some deep breathing and practice just letting go and trusting the therapist to do a great job. Massage has been found to help people who suffer from mental disorders, not just physical conditions. Having a massage not only relaxes the body, but the mind as well. This can really help to reduce anxiety and depression in people who suffer from these conditions. Regular massages can really help your mental well-being. Certain smells can make a massage even better. Make sure the scents are natural and mild. Light floral scents as well as fruity scents are usually best to stick with. It can make it easier for the client to feel more relaxed and enter a dreamlike mindset as they enjoy their massage. The legs are very important when giving a massage. Many of the largest muscles in the body are in the legs, and these are often the most used. Be responsive to your partner when massaging their legs and try to encompass the entire muscle group. Start up high around the butt and work your way down to the ankles. If you are battling cancer it can really take a toll on your body. You are probably feeling a little depressed, some anxiety, fatigue and nausea from the treatments and the diagnosis in general. Having a massage has been proven to help fight off all of these symptoms, which can help you to fight even that much harder to beat it. Use mint scented creams when you are getting a massage. adana travesti will not only soothe your skin but smells fresh and relaxing, exactly how you want people to feel while you give your massage. Purchase high-quality products that will keep the skin moisturized all day. As you surely know by now, there are just so many benefits to getting a massage, especially on a regular basis. Whether it's from a professional or a good friend, a massage can be the difference between living life to the fullest or walking around in agony. Hopefully this article has provided you with helpful information.

#adana travesti

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braybirch47 · 12 days

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Give Great Massages With These Excellent Massage Tips

Too many hours spent working and leading a very busy lifestyle can really take a tool on your body. Why not ease some of the aches and pain away with a great massage? Scheduling an appointment is quick and easy, and your health insurance may cover the cost for you. Learn more in the following article. You should try different techniques when giving a massage. Use your hands and fingers to rub, apply pressure or even give gentle taps. Use the tip of your fingers if you need precision, for instance to relax a tense muscle. You could also try covering as much surface as possible by using the palm of your hands to apply pressure. When massaging someone, light some scented candles. The right choices can be incredibly calming. En iyi Masözler combined factors will produce an environment that yields a great experience. Loud noise is an absolute no-no near the locale of your massage. Reduce external noise to create a peaceful, serene environment. In massage, relaxation is key. If necessary, move to someplace quieter or get your massage at some other time when it is not so noisy. This will maximize the experience. Schedule your massages smartly. If you usually get sleepy after a massage, you should avoid getting one before you have to go to work. However, if massages help you get some energy, do not hesitate to schedule a massage before you have to go through a stressful day at work. Try doing the bear hug method if you have shoulder tension. Just wrap your arms through your chest as you make an "x". Rub each shoulder with the opposite hand. You will immediately start to relax, and this is a great technique that you can utilize wherever you are at. If you have recently contracted the flu, a massage may help alleviate the pain and stiffness generally associated with the flu. For the best relief, gently rub warmed lotion over your entire body using a circular motion. This will not only alleviate aches, but it will also help re-hydrate your skin. Try to save conversation for after the massage. You may love chatting with your massage therapist, but talking during the massage prevents you from ever relaxing fully. In fact, it may actually cause some muscles to tense up, making your therapist's job even more difficult. Do speak up about your needs, however -- if the room's too cold, the music is too loud, or any other factor that prevents you from sinking deep into relaxation. If you choose to have consistent massages, be sure you are comfortable with your therapist. When you are comfortable with your masseuse, you are better able to relax, and the massage will be a positive experience. To feel more secure, try chatting with your massage therapist before beginning your massage. Athletes are likely familiar with sports massage. This can also be used by those that exercise a lot. Do not expect a sports massage to make your stress disappear; this technique will prevent your muscles from getting injured and will improve your circulation. Do you know where to focus your massage on? You should focus on the areas that are painful. Find the areas that are painful and slowly move your hands outward around these areas. If other painful spots are felt, massage that area as well. You should stop massaging once rubbing does not feel good anymore. If you have any medical conditions, such as you are pregnant, make sure that you let your massage therapist know. Some techniques may not be appropriate for your condition, so it is best to let the therapist know before starting. This will give him or her enough time to adjust techniques. Arrive on time to your massage appointment. You shouldn't stroll in late. It is not unusual for massage therapists to have a full schedule of appointments, so adhere to their time constraints as you do with other professionals. As you surely know by now, there are just so many benefits to getting a massage, especially on a regular basis. Whether it's from a professional or a good friend, a massage can be the difference between living life to the fullest or walking around in agony. Hopefully this article has provided you with helpful information.

#ull #Masöz

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shobhit9220 · 23 days

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Depression Online Therapy: Choosing the Right Fit, From Anywhere

Are you depressed, lost, or lacking motivation? It's possible that you're depressed. Millions of people worldwide suffer with this widespread mental health issue, which may be very isolating. Fortunately, you don't have to face hardships by yourself. There are numerous efficient therapies for depression, and getting therapy online is a more common and convenient choice.

Why Use Internet Counseling for Depression?

Though it's not always the most convenient option, traditional in-person treatment can be a fantastic decision. Transportation issues, hectic schedules, and even apprehension about visiting a therapist's office might be obstacles. Online counseling provides a private and practical substitute. You may benefit from online treatment for depression for the following reasons:

Flexibility: Plan your lessons around your personal availability, be it on the weekends or in the early evenings. You can select the format that is most comfortable for you from a variety of online therapy platforms that offer video chat, phone conversations, and text-based choices.

Accessibility: You don't have to worry about being able to discover a therapist in your area. By connecting with qualified professionals around the nation through online platforms, your chances of finding a depression specialist who also fits your preferences are increased.

Decreased Stigma: For some people who might be reluctant to attend therapy in person, the comfort and privacy of their own home can feel less frightening.

Choosing the Best Internet Counselor

The number of online therapy platforms is increasing, and each one has its own features, therapists, and cost options. The following advice will help you identify the ideal online therapy provider for your needs:

Investigate Various Platforms: Look through the websites and reviews of various platforms to learn about their user experiences, therapist qualifications, and specializations.

Think About Your Requirements: Which type of therapy—text, phone, or video chat—do you prefer? Consider which format will work best for you in terms of comfort and productivity.

Insurance Coverage: By collaborating with your insurance company, certain online therapy platforms may be able to lower the cost of your sessions. Find out whether internet counseling is covered by your plan by contacting your insurance provider.

counseling in person.

What to anticipate from virtual counseling

The first online session will be focused on getting to know you, your symptoms, and your treatment goals, just like it would in-person therapy. Your therapist will probably employ evidence-based techniques, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), to assist you in improving your mood, coping skills, and ability to confront unpleasant thoughts.

After Therapy: Extra Sources

While it's a useful tool, online therapy isn't the only solution for controlling depression. The following other resources may also be useful:

Support Groups: You can find others who are sympathetic to your situation through online forums and groups.

Mental Health Hotlines: Crisis hotlines can recommend patients for additional treatment and offer instant assistance.

Healthy Lifestyle Adjustments: Eating a balanced diet, getting regular exercise, and keeping a regular sleep schedule can all help you feel happier and feel better overall.

Making the Initial Move

Asking for assistance is not a sign of weakness but rather of power. It can change your life to take the initial step toward getting treatment for depression. No matter where you are, online therapy provides a quick and efficient way to get in touch with a licensed therapist.

#Online therapy #depression treatment #mental health #teletherapy #cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

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on-my-way-to-the-woods · 28 days

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F's week of medical adventures:

TL;DR: F got prescribed a medication that we had concerns about because of her reactions to a similar medication, had concerning symptoms directly after taking that med for the first time, doctor doesn't think it was medication related, doctor changes medication anyway, two days later doctor orders a CT scan (probably to cover their ass if there was a problem). Also F's GP is moving to California and we're heartbroken 😭

F's GP's office sent a referral to a pulmonologist (which isn't strictly necessary because we have a PPO, but it was super helpful because it meant they were checking the insurance stuff because our company still hasn't fixed our website access). She's still struggling despite being on the upper end of what the GP can provide so the pulmonologist approved her for an urgent appointment. We had that appointment this week.

Monday At the appointment they did 0 testing, said that the maintenance medication that F was on was rather lightweight (disagree, but I assume they meant that it didn't contain a Long-Acting Beta-Antagonist, F assumes they didn't read the medication correctly), said that the current rescue inhaler F is on is a "red flag" for not responding well to LABAs but that most people are completely fine so they're gonna go ahead and prescribe one anyway, did not ask further about why F is on that med, listened to her lungs a little and then sent her off with a follow up appointment in two months. We had specifically asked F's GP to avoid LABAs because of other health concerns and her reaction to Abuterol (a Short-Acting Beta-Antagonist).

I clearly need to read about medical communication because we keep telling nurses/etc. that she has bad reactions to Abuterol and they keep going "oh! Does it make you jittery?" 🤦 No. Her heart rate goes way up, she feels like shit, and she has to lie down for 2 hours so she doesn't fall over.

Tuesday The new prescription comes in, F takes it that evening (her regular time and we'd picked it up <1hr beforehand). Surprise, surprise, she feels like shit. It's a different flavor of feels like shit though. Pros: her heart rate didn't shoot up like it does for Abuterol and she is more capable of standing. Cons: nausea, dizziness, palpitations, high blood pressure, feeling jittery, and a sense that something is wrong. Just what you want out of a medication you have to take twice a day, right? /s. So she finishes up her bedtime routine and goes to bed. Then, in the middle of the night, F is woken up by very bad chest pain.

Wednesday We call the office in the morning to ask if she should take the morning dose or discontinue the medication. The answer we got was roughly 'well, those aren't listed side effects so I don't think it's related, but I'll ask the doctor.' The answer relayed to us was also that the doctor doesn't think it is related, but if we want we can change to a different medication without a LABA. (What we'd like is medical advice, thank you 🙄). We eventually pick trying a new medication because, if the chest pain is unrelated to the LABA, then it's probably pretty urgent that we figure that out now and go seek care for the chest pain problem. The nurse says they'll get the prescription sent in and we will have a nebulizer delivered to our doorstep. We're a little surprised, but whatever.

Thursday The medical equipment company calls F a few times to sort out insurance & billing stuff (unfortunately mostly during times F is having asthma issues). Then after that's all set, the equipment company's respiratory therapist calls to schedule a time to come set up the machine and show F how to use it. That's somewhat different than just delivering it to our doorstep....

Anyway, since we're supposed to leave early on Saturday for a road trip, we schedule the set-up for late Friday morning and then rushed around trying to clean the house.

After that, F gets a call directly from the doctor effectively saying 'sooo I have been thinking and I am going to order an urgent CT scan (if you want, but I'm ordering it anyway) to make sure nothing is drastically wrong but I'm sure it's (most likely) fine, but maybe you might want to do it just in case. Anyway, I won't be able to look at it until Monday. Also, you'll be fine once you get on [medication you potentially have bad reactions to]' We're presuming it's a cover-their-ass call, and at this point F feels ridiculous and like she's wasting everyone's time and overblowing things, but we talk through it together and she's convinced to go get the imaging done because it'll be good to have on hand and we're very likely to hit the deductible/out-of-pocket limit this year anyway. So, yes, imaging to check for dangerous and urgent condition, but it's fine if the images aren't reviewed until the next week 🙄

We schedule that for Friday afternoon and I spend the rest of the evening alternating calls between the insurance company and the hospital to make sure everything is in order. And then I stay up late cleaning.

Friday (F's birthday - I'd taken the day off work to surprise F, I guess that was a good decision 😅 ) I finish up CT phone calls and confirm that the CT pre-auth went through then call the medical equipment place to clarify some things since it's going very differently than we had thought

Her appointment with the equipment company's respiratory therapist went well, they seemed more concerned about F's symptoms than the doctor did - but that's our usual luck, anyone who is not an MD is worried about F. The machine is >$350, but the inhalers she's been using are mostly >$200, so this should be cheaper overall as long as she keeps using it and isn't swapped directly back to the other med. (We certainly could have bought one cheaper by ourselves, but it's better for us to go through insurance in this case).

Had lunch then ran off to the CT scan which itself was pretty quick, but it's a decently long drive so it took up the rest of the day. The CT technician was also very much 'no, don't worry, you definitely should have come in for this based on your symptoms' which helped reassure F somewhat. Then we both go home and crash (instead of packing)

Saturday We pack and leave and are very tired etc. etc. but at least there are no medical phone calls involved

Sunday Telehealth appointment with F's GP (who is amazing) and he shares that he's taking a job in California that's exactly what he wants to be doing. We're thrilled for him, but so so sad that he will be leaving 😭😭😭 Working with him has been great and he has improved F's life so much.

Monday The pulmonologist's office calls as we're driving back from the eclipse. The CT scan only showed a nodule in the lung - which they gave no information on and said they'd talk about it at her follow up appointment (in two months 🙃)

Tuesday We drove all the way back to the hospital (after driving a ton yesterday to get home) to pick up a copy of the CT scan so we can share it with other doctors as needed.

I guess we can't be 100% confident yet, but I think F is getting worse on this new medication instead of better. I can't find information on what an equivalent dose would be with the meds her GP had her on, but I suspect the dose for this new stuff is too low 😕

After writing all that up, no wonder why we're exhausted. This is the gist of it, but I definitely skipped over a number of smaller problems (e.g. the office sent the prescription in with incorrect patient details so F had to sort that out with the pharmacy, etc.). I need a vacation

#if you also have problems with Abuterol I highly recommend asking about Levabuterol. It's not covered by our insurance but the QOL #difference it has made for F has made it worth it for us. It doesn't solve all the effects but it is *so* much better #it's no longer a question about whether the symptoms or the treatment are worse #she can treat her asthma and actually do something instead of being prevented from doing things by the asthma and then again by the meds #also if you're in CA and need a medical care professional who will actually listen to you - DM me and I will share some info on F's GP #he does telehealth so anywhere in CA should be fine (and that's why I'm not concerned about giving away our location)#he's also amazing and I'm very happy for him #*sigh*#medical cw

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