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jessicaloons · 3 months

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Chapter 31:

I watched it begin again…

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Info: in this story, Mattia Binotto is 2023 still team principle of Ferrari; Fred Vasseur will take over in 2024!

"I thought we’re here to train…" I mumbled and plopped down in an armchair in front of the huge fireplace of the ski resort we were staying in.

"We just want a little footage of your training!" Elijah said "Just one more day and we’ll be gone, I promise!"

He walked away and I sighed, right as Charles sat down next to me, a frown on his face.

"What’s wrong?" I sat up and looked at him.

"Nothing." he said and I raised an eyebrow "Okay… so umm. Someone from the factory, who works on the new car said it’s made to fit Carlos’ driving style. And I kinda knew that already. Mattia said that they will switch between my preferences and his, but the guy said it’s like completely accustomed to Carlos’ driving style. Not just tending more towards his preferences."

"So the car is completely made for him? That’s what you’re saying?" I asked and he shrugged his shoulders.

"I don’t know. Maybe it’s not that bad at all?"

"You wouldn’t be this worried if that wouldn’t be that bad at all…" I stated matter of factly.

"I don’t know. I have to drive it first. But yeah… it kinda worries me." he sighed.

"So you were closer than ever on winning the championship last year, but instead of continuing this momentum they designed a car for him? Who gave a flying fuck about his team in more than one race last year? Cool." I shook my head.

"You guys coming?" JK said behind us and I nodded.

"You know what? You’re right! You have to drive it first." I smiled at Charles encouraging and got up, pulling him with me "Now come on. I’m starving!"

We followed Andrea, JK, Joris and Antoine to the restaurant and sat down. I could see how tense Charles was the whole evening. Trying his best to not show how worried he really was, but whenever he smiled it didn’t quite reach his eyes and he was more quiet than usually. Whenever the others started to talk about the upcoming season I tried my best to change topics, not wanting to add onto Charles already growing anxiety. But when we were back in our hotel room and he sat down on the sofa, staring outside, not saying anything I sat down next to him.

"Charles?" I took his hand in mine and he looked up "Talk to me. What’s going on? It’s not just that the car might be more suitable for Carlos… that’s something you can work with, I know you! There’s more… come on!"

He looked out the window again, closing his eyes for a moment before he turned his head.

"There’s something going on at Ferrari… with Carlos and his family. I don’t know what, but last year, I was too early for a meeting and walked into the room with Mattia, Laurent, Carlos, his dad, his cousin and two Spaniards I knew from somewhere, but I just didn’t know where from… well yeah they all stared at me like I interrupted a secret meeting and the two Spaniards left then immediately. Mia found out that these two are from Santander… what would they have to talk about? Then I heard some mechanics talk about the pressure on Ferrari from Santander to deliver the right result, that was after Monza…"

"Which you won?" I added and he nodded.

"Yeah, so I wasn’t sure what that meant… I often saw Carlos’ dad and his cousin talking to Mattia and Laurent, in the corner of the garage, like they wanted no one listening? Maybe I’m just paranoid? Maybe there’s nothing big going on… but I don’t know… sometimes I feel like I’m fighting my own team…" he sighed.

"Because you are, sometimes at least… last year were so many awfully wrong strategy calls, mostly for you and whenever you said something you were silenced. Just look at Silverstone, how Mattia treated you afterwards when you were rightfully frustrated with them letting Carlos do whatever he wanted and then giving him the better strategy! They took away a win from your hands." I said and he leaned back into the pillows, closing his eyes "I don’t like criticising Ferrari constantly, but I had to do it, because they fucked up, again and again and unfortunately mostly your races…"

We sat in silence for a while, Charles deep in his thoughts and me rubbing circles on the back of his hand.

"I can see it, you know? Every time you criticise Ferrari. Your eyes giving it away. You hate it. It hurts you. But I know why you do it. For me." Charles looked into my eyes, almost as if he was looking into my soul.

"I will always love Ferrari. I will always be a fan deep down in my heart. That won’t change. It’s our dream. Always was." I whispered and he nodded, kissing my forehead.

"And in another life. Another universe. We would live our dream. Together. But in this world, this team isn’t ready for a female driver. They’re not ready for you. They’re still stuck in their old fashioned ways. It sucks that the gender of a driver plays a bigger part than the talent of them."

"It doesn’t matter. You made it. And I made it as well. Different. But still." I smiled and he tilted my head up, his eyes locking on mine.

"Exactly. We both made it. We both drive in Formula 1. We both are F1 race winners. And this year we both fight for the championship! A new season begins and we will be better than ever!" he was determined and I nodded.

"Hell yes we will!"

After three more days of powering through work out sessions and training in the snow it was time to head to Neuburg, or in Charles case Maranello. I was excited to see the new car, see the new developments and was keen on getting into the simulator first things first. But the first days were filled with sponsor meetings, analysing the data of the last season, seat fitting and photo shoots with our new race suit and team kits. After the last photoshoot Julie signalled me to follow her and she brought us to one of the lounge rooms.

"Here, I’ve got something for you…" she smiled as we walked inside "Fan letters."

"Fan letters?"

"Fan letters!" Julie repeated and pointed at the box on the table.

"And they’re all for me?" I asked, eyes wide.

"Yup. And don’t worry, we checked them all through. It’s just letters and some gifts."

"Checked them? Who am I? You really think people care enough about me to send me what? A letter bomb?" I chuckled but Julie just shrugged.

"Better safe than sorry. You don’t have to open all of them. Just pick out some and we’ll film a little clip."

"No! Are you kidding me? People took some time out of their day to write me! I will read every single one!" I shook my head and sat down, grabbing the first letter "I have nothing else to do anyways!"

"Alright. I’ll check in later to film you. Have fun."

I only nodded and already read the first letter. I was touched by all the sweet and kind messages from fans all over the world, opening letter after letter. I opened up the next one, pulled the paper out of the envelope and as soon as I read the letter I dropped it. That couldn’t be. How could he know that I would read all my fan letters? How could he be so sure I would pick his letter out of the hundred or more in front of me. I crumbled up the piece of paper. Grabbing the next letter. Trying to get rid of that sickening feeling inside my stomach. Just to be gutted again, three letters later. I checked the envelope of the first letter, it was the same. Frantically searching through the box I found another 41 letters, 43 in total. I ripped them open. The letter was the same in every single one:

Happy New Year, Lizzie.

2022 was only the beginning…

This year I’m coming for everything if you won’t do what I say.

I didn’t need a name to know who wrote the letters. Salva Diaz. It was too quiet after Japan. He didn’t try to contact me in any way. Didn’t post anything about me. He went radio silent. And a gullible and optimistic part of me thought it was over. He had enough of this cat and mouse play. But of course I was wrong. So wrong. I stuffed the envelops frantically in my bag, when I heard Julie approaching, putting on a fake smile.

"Alright, let’s pick out some nice ones and open them, read them through, show it to the camera a little, say something to your fans and then that’s it." she said and I nodded, doing exactly what she said.

"This one here is from Nicole, 9 years old from Denmark. Thank you for your sweet words! And thank you even more for this beautiful drawing." I turned the letter so Julie could film the picture of the little girl "I will put it in my drivers room!" I opened up the next one, two bracelets falling out, along with a letter, I read it and smiled "Thank you Celeste! I make sure Charles gets his bracelet!" I showed Julie the two matching bracelets and slipped one over my wrist "I love it!" I picked two more letters and Julie was happy, stopping the filming.

"Perfect! You’re officially dismissed for today. Tomorrow you’ll be in the simulator, Pete wanted me to let you know! See you tomorrow, Lizzie!" she smiled and left.

I grabbed my stuff and left the factory immediately. Making my way to the hotel room. Pacing back and forth. I had to focus on the preparations of the new season, but instead my head was in shambles about what Diaz wanted exactly from me. His banning from the paddock was his own fault, I couldn’t do anything about it anymore and he knew it. What did he want now? As I racked my brain about what he could want from me, my phone rang and I flinched. Charles. I took a deep breath, trying to get rid of the sickening feeling inside my stomach that followed me back from the factory, after I opened up the first letter of Diaz.

"Hey Charlie bear." my voice overly sweet.

"Ewww. No. Absolutely not. Stop calling me that!" he laughed and I sat down "How are you? How’s the new car?"

"I’m okay. A little tired. The last days were draining… but I haven’t been in the simulator or anything till now. Tomorrow though, I’ll give it a go. What about your car?" I asked and he sighed.

"Hmm. Not so sure. It’s a bit too early to give a final answer? It looks okayish? I’m worried about the rear though… I don’t know. I haven’t driven it as of now, so yeah." his voice not really confident.

"We all know that Carlos likes understeery cars, whereas you’re more into oversteery ones… I honestly don’t know how they want to compromise on that?"

"We’ll see I guess."

"Hmm. I’m just happy that Valtteri and I prefer both an oversteer car…" I sighed.

"I would love to have you as my teammate! Our driving style is so similar and we both have the same preferences when it comes to our car set up." he chuckled a little although I knew that he wasn’t just joking around.

"I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Maybe the car isn’t that bad? You just wait sunshine, you just wait!"

"Very funny." he laughed and I did as well "I can’t believe that it’s already almost time to pack up and leave for Bahrain."

"Yeah… in a week we will present our cars, then do some more testings and then it’s go time… I’m just sorry that we won’t be here for Liams birthday." I mumbled.

"Yeah, that sucks… but he’s a big boy, he understands!" Charles tried to cheer me up a little.

"I know, but still. I will see him on Benjis birthday though. Dad said they will come here."

"You know that I’m trying to come as well! But as of now, I’m not so sure I can make it…" he sounded defeated.

"It’s okay. No one’s mad or anything."

"Okay." he sighed "I gotta go now, sponsor dinner, yay… I’ll text you later, okay?"

"Alright. I would say have fun, but I know you won’t, so… I hope it won’t take too long!" I said encouragingly "Oh and Charles? Let’s wait until you tested the car. Maybe it will surprise you and will be good in the end. You never know."

"I hope you’re right, cara mia!"

I waited for Charles in the car park, taking selfies with some fans, signing shirts and caps when I saw him approaching. Head hung low, hair messy, no team shirt or cap on. He tried to draw as little attention as possible, just wanted to leave the track.

"Thank you guys! Have an amazing night!" I smiled at the fans and unlocked the car, getting inside. I drove straight up to Charles and ushered him inside, then I turned around and drove by the baffled fans, screaming for Charles.

"Thank you." he whispered and leaned back in his seat, looking outside.

I didn’t reply, only took his hand in mine and squeezed it.

"The tests looked so promising, even though I’m not entirely comfortable in the car. It looked good… the start? Amazing. Our pace didn’t match with that of Red Bull so Checo overtaking me was just a matter of time… but still. P3 would be a good result in a car that doesn’t suit me much… and then? Poof. Mechanical failure. Nice one. Good start of the season that was supposed to be our season!" he ranted after a while "And I thought quali yesterday was bad."

"It’s only the first race of a very long season, Charles! Focus on the positive things! The car doesn’t suit your driving style, you’re not really comfortable in it, but you still managed to start from P3! You overtook Checo right at the start and held onto that P2 for 26 laps! You would’ve finished that race on the podium if not for the car being a bitch! That was just a small bump on the road! In two weeks you’ll be back on top again!" I stopped the car and looked at him "Now come on. I’m hungry and we have now two weeks off!" I got out of the car, handing over my keys and waited for Charles to follow me "Let’s not think about the race for now, okay?"

"Okay…" he sighed dramatically and grabbed my hand, pulling me to his side, when some fans recognised us "Well it looks like our midnight snack has to wait…"

I woke up to the smell of some delicious food and clattering sounds from the kitchen. I turned around, searching blindly for my phone on the nightstand. 11:27. I sat up immediately. I couldn’t remember a day where I slept that long. Swinging my legs off of the bed I stretched. Feeling a little tense after the first race weekend of the season. I made my way into the bathroom, splashing my face with cold water, brushing my teeth. When I stepped out again I grabbed Charles hoodie and pulled it over my head, following his cursing into the kitchen. He stood in his sweatpants only at the stove, his back to me. The kitchen island full of pastries, bread rolls, fruit salad, plates full of cheese, honey and jam, a huge stack of pancakes and waffles. A full buffet of all of my favourite breakfast items. Even a jug full of freshly squeezed orange juice.

"If the food tastes as great as the cook looks… mhhh delicious!" I teased and Charles flinched.

"Fucking hell." he whispered underneath his breath and turned around "I wanted to surprise you!" he pouted a little and I smiled sheepishly as he turned off the stove, walking around the island and pulled me into his arms "Happy birthday, cara mia." he whispered in my ear and kissed my temple "Well, I made breakfast…"

"Oh no you didn’t? Really?" I laughed and he pinched my hip "Thank you Charlie bear. It looks amazing! All of it!" I kissed his cheek and he smiled.

"And don’t worry! I also made eggs!" he laughed and walked back to the stove, shovelling the scrambled eggs into a bowl, setting it down in front of me.

"You are perfect! And I’m impressed! Look at what you did! And my kitchen is still fully intact! You didn’t burn down the building! Nothing looks burned! Amazing job, I’d say!"

"I tried my best for you! And now come on! Cooking makes hungry!" he poured me some orange juice and I loaded up my plate.

"So we’re having a cheat day today…" I chuckled and Charles shrugged his shoulders.

"I won’t tell JK if you’re not telling Andrea."

I looked at him for a moment, trying the pancakes that were surprisingly good and nodded.

"You’ve got yourself a deal, Mister!"

After having a little from everything, I was full and shoved my plate away, looking over at Charles, who smiled at me.

"You go ahead and take a long shower, or maybe a bath? I take care of the kitchen and then we can do whatever you want to, I only reserved us a table for later tonight, at Antonio’s. So you tell me what you want to do." he stood up and I thought for a moment.

"How about we just have a nice and relaxed day and stay in? Watching a movie? Doing some bed activities?" I wiggled my eyebrows and Charles smirked.

"Sounds good to me… maybe I’ll join you under the shower when I’m done here, when you take your time…" he kissed my cheek and I got up, stretching a little.

"I think that can be arranged." I smiled and walked back into my bedroom "But don’t take too long, or I’m starting without you…"

"Don’t you dare, cara mia!"

"As much as I enjoyed this… but I think we should get up and dress up! Your phone almost explodes and mine as well… they’re all asking why you’re not picking up, they want to congratulate you." Charles laughed.

"Text them we’re busy. We want to start round four!" I groaned and he leaned over me.

"Let’s get up. I’ll give you your present and then you can FaceTime Liam, he insists on seeing you, and then after that… we can go for round four, maybe five? Depends on how fast we are…" he nudged my nose with his and I sighed.

"Okay…" he smiled and kissed the tip of my nose, before he pushed himself up, walking into the bathroom "What a cute little butt." I purred and he turned around "But that front view…" I whistled and Charles raised an eyebrow.

"Cara mia, you are a greedy, little minx! Get your cute little ass out of bed now and dress up!" he chuckled and I got out of bed, following him.

"I need a little shower as well, I’ll join you." I got in behind him and he groaned.

"You’re making this really not that easy for me…" he turned around and I laughed.

"I just wanted to take a shower?" I tried to look as innocent as possible at him and he burst out laughing.

"That won’t work!" he gently pushed me against the tiles, kissing my neck down to my collarbone, all the way up on the other side. I moaned a little, grabbing his hair as he kissed along my jaw, when he suddenly pulled away and opened the door, stepping outside. Leaving me heavily breathing against the wall "I told you it won’t work." he smirked, wrapping a towel around his hip, leaving the bathroom.

"That was unfair!" I shouted but only heard him laughing. Frustrated I washed myself and then got out and dressed up. Walking back into the living room where Charles sat on the sofa, waiting for me. He patted the space next to him and I sat down.

"Happy birthday, cara mia!" he said again, kissing my cheek and handing me a little red box.

I opened the box and found a necklace, very fine and subtle, just the way I liked it, a little pendant attached with what looked like...

"Coordinates?" I asked and looked up and Charles smiled.

"Yeah…" he answered and I took my phone out "It’s where everything began…"

I opened Google Maps and typed the coordinates in. 47°34'19.5"N 7°21'57.2"E

The karting track in Sundgau. Where we met for the very first time. In April 2006.

"Charles…" I almost choked up and looked at him.

"Turn it around…" he said and with a shaking hand I turned the pendant.

Where my forever began. 8/4/2006. 08:37.

"You remembered the time?" I sniffled and he nodded.

"I remember everything…" he whispered and he wiped the tears from my cheeks. I closed the distance between us and kissed him "I take from that, you like it?"

"I love it, that’s a difference. Big difference! Merci, mon cœur!" I hugged him and he chuckled a little.

"But that’s not all…" he said after a moment and I sighed.

"Of course it’s not…" I rolled my eyes playfully.

"You know me just too well!" he laughed and got up "Okay, for this one you have to close your eyes!"

"Okay?" I did as told and closed my eyes, waiting for Charles signal to open them again.

"SURPRISE!" a lot of voices screamed and I opened my eyes, right in time for Liam and Benji to tackle me into the pillows of my sofa.

"Happy Birthday!" they both kissed my cheeks and I hugged them close, looking up at my parents, Sissy, Shima and the two Daniels.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked and got up, leaving the boys on the sofa.

"It’s your birthday?" Mum said and hugged me "Happy birthday, sweetheart." she kissed my cheek.

"My turn now!" Dad pushed Mum gently away and pulled me in his arms, almost crushing me "Happy birthday, my little owl! I don’t care how old you’re turning! For me, you’ll always be my little girl!"

"Thanks Pops!" I whispered and he pulled away, kissing my head.

"Thank you guys so much!" I smiled at them, once everyone had congratulated me, and then looked at Charles who stood at the kitchen island, a beautiful cake on display, sparklers sparkling away. He waved me over and as soon as I stood next to him they all began to sing, the door opening, Arthur and Pascale arriving with some bottles of champagne. I smiled and wiped a tear from my cheek. Together with Charles I blower the candles out and they all cheered for me, while Dad and Danny Ric opened up the champagne, pouring everyone a glass.

"Lizzie, my sweet girl, happy birthday!" Pascale kissed both my cheeks and hugged me.

"Thank you so much for coming! All of you!" I smiled and Arthur pulled me to his side, kissing my cheek.

"Happy birthday, Lizzie." he smiled and I bumped my hip a little against his.

"Thanks Arthi!"

"Who wants some cake?" Charles asked and Liam and Benji jumped excitedly up and down "Alright, two slices for the boys, coming right up."

"Biiiig slices!" Benji said and Liam nodded.

"We’re going out for dinner later on! So no biiiig slices!" Sissy said and they pouted a little.

"Okaaaaay."

"We’re are we going?" Arthur asked and I looked at Charles.

"Still Antonio’s! Don’t worry!" he chuckled and I smiled. He knew me all too well. Birthday dinner at Antonio’s was an old tradition of ours. It didn’t matter when we got the time to go, but always around our birthdays we would have dinner there. With a full stomach and a content smile on my face I rummaged through my kitchen drawers, looking for a lighter when I finally found one. I lit up the candle and walked over to the sofa, where Charles was sitting, zapping through the channels. As he saw me approaching he looked up and choked.

"Cara mia…" he whispered as I sat the cupcake, a golden H and a single lit up candle on it, down on the coffee table in front of me.

"It’s not just my birthday…" I said quietly and cupped his cheek, wiping away a stray tear "Come on. Together. Like he always let us do it…"

"Happy Birthday, Papa." Charles whispered and we blew out the candle. We watched the smoke dissolve into thin air and he turned his head, looking at me "Thank you, Lizzie." then he kissed me gently, before pulling me into a tight hug.

"Happy Birthday, Hervé."

"Lizzie, your season started not as good as last year, from podium to barely into the points. Was the good start last season maybe just beginners luck?" the first question of the day and I already was over it.

"Last year I had a bit of luck, with the cars in front of me having some issues. This year I had to start from P17 after I got impeded and failed to set a good time. So I’d say from P17 to P10 is not that bad." I tried to stay as calm as possible.

"Your boyfriend didn’t have the best start as well, with retiring from a podium place?"

"No, he didn’t."

"And this weekend he has to already serve a ten place grid penalty because he needed a new ICE?"

"First of all, he didn’t need a new ICE, he needed new control electronics. And second, is there a question in this statement for me to answer?" I was more than annoyed at this point.

"How does he feel?"

"Delighted." I inwardly rolled my eyes "But you know what? Why don’t you ask him that yourself? Yeah? Thank you!" I walked away and Julie sighed "Sorry."

"No it’s fine. That dude was an idiot. We wait for Sky UK." she looked ahead and I nodded "Alright. Let’s go." we walked over and fortunately the questions weren’t as stupid as the ones from before and I even joked a little with Nathalie Pinkham.

"Alright. That’s it for today." Julie lead me away and I was more than happy to leave the media pen.

"Thank god. Another question about my beginners luck last season and I would’ve lost it…" I sighed and she patted my arm.

"Yeah some idiots always have to ask stupid questions… funny that it’s mostly just men…" she shrugged her shoulders and I chuckled.

"I wonder why… although the interviewer from Canal+ was also a little… well yeah you know what I mean." I chuckled.

"Shitty? Bitchy? Annoying?" Julie laughed.

"All of that."

"Did she ask one question about this weekend?"

"Nope, not a single one. Only about Charles and I." I rolled my eyes.

"You do the talking on track, as always!" Julie nudged my shoulder and I laughed.

"I will try."

"So P12 for Charles, which means P2 for you tomorrow." Crafty smiled and I nodded.

"Yeah. A shame really. He did amazing though and I’m sure he’ll be catching up quickly."

"Just like Max?"

"Just like Max, from P15? Yeah? P15."

"The Audi looked a little more unpredictable around here than expected? What’s in for you tomorrow?"

"We’ll see I guess. We’re lacking race pace. That’s our biggest issue. Also our tyre management might be a factor."

"Thank you Lizzie!"

I walked to Charles, who was waiting for me, pulling me to his side.

"You did amazing! Don’t worry about the penalty, you’ll make up for it." I smiled at him and he sighed.

"Yeah, if my car makes it to the finish line." he chuckled a little.

"Don’t worry, I’ll push you over it."

"Thank you! How very nice of you!" he kissed my cheek and then pulled away "See you later?"

"Yup. I’ll wait for you. Your meetings always take way longer than ours…" I teased.

"That’s because we are a Top 3 team." he winked.

"Ouch. Although I’d say that’s because you talk about all the strategies you could fuck up…"

"Okay, I kinda deserved that." he laughed and squeezed my hand one last time before he walked away.

"How’s he doing?" Felix asked as soon as I entered the garage.

"Surprisingly good."

Felix cocked an eyebrow and I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Maybe he’s the Ferrari we have to be worried about tomorrow then?" he chuckled right as Valtteri entered the garage.

"Don’t worry, I’ll hold him up for a while!" he nudged my shoulder and I laughed.

"I’m more worried about Max. He’s seething! And when there’s one thing you don’t want behind you, it’s a pissed off Max. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about…"

"A pissed off Max was often behind you then back in karting?" Valtteri asked.

"More often than he would like to admit." I wiggled my eyebrows "Mostly because he was Mad Max and got penalties left and right… but anyways."

They laughed and we walked back together to discuss our strategy for the race ahead.

I got off the scooter and walked the rest up to our garage, frustration seeping through me. I pulled my helmet off and apologised to the team before I sat down for a moment, emptying an entire bottle of water.

"Ready?" Julie asked and I nodded, following her into the media pen. When I walked in, I clapped Alex on the shoulder and he turned around.

"What was that?" he asked and I just shrugged my shoulders, shaking my head.

"Lizzie. Sky UK first." Julie nudged ne towards Rachel Brooks and she smiled at me.

"Hey, Lizzie. Sorry to see you here already. Can you tell us what happened there?"

"I honestly don’t know? The most experienced driver on the grid totally misjudged the space he left me and clipped my front wing. Wouldn’t be that bad but the endplate got stuck under my front suspension so I had to retire. It’s a shame, really. I was doing quite good after the pit stop, making my way through the field, maybe this weekend a podium would’ve been possible… it’s like this. I can’t change it now unfortunately."

"There was a bit of confusion as it seemed, whether or not you should continue and come back to the pits or retire?"

"Yeah, the plate hit a sensor so the data the pit wall had was a bit confusing at first. But retiring was the best option, to avoid further damage."

"Your overall feedback of this weekend?"

"It’s still early in the season, but the feeling of the car was better this weekend. The pace was there, the tyre deg was better. I’d say we’re going in the right direction."

"Thank you Lizzie! See you in Australia!" Rachel smiled and I switched to the next interview, doing a full round and then returned back to the garage, 15 laps still to go. I unzipped my suit and rolled it down around my waist, taking the head phones Matt was offering me. Charles was doing his best to make it through the grid. But the pace just wasn’t there to get any further than P7 in the end. When he climbed out of his car I saw the disappointment on his face. Our team meeting wasn’t taking that long, Valtteri brought home some points for us, finishing in P8, but other than that there wasn’t too much to talk about. When I left, it was surprisingly Charles who waited for me at the car, pulling me into a tight embrace.

"That was fucked. Didn’t he see you?" he sighed and I shrugged.

"I don’t know. You heard him. It’s a racing incident, he shouldn’t even get a penalty in his opinion… so yeah." I said as Charles opened my door and closing it as soon as I was inside.

"Typical." Charles mumbled as he got in the car as well "You wanna go out tonight? Or stay in?"

"I don’t know. Honestly I’m not in the mood to socialise? It’s just so annoying! When one thing works out, some shit happens during the race. It’s a fucking circle."

"Staying in it is." Charles chuckled.

"No! If you want to go out, then go! Really! I can stay alone!" I looked at him.

"I was honestly hoping you would say you want to stay in…" he said sheepishly, grabbing my thigh "Our hotel has this huge infinity pool on the roof. It’s open 24/7 but at this time it’s mostly empty because it’s only accessible from the VIP floors. So what do you say? You. Me. A little midnight swim?"

"I don’t have a swimsuit with me…" I sighed and Charles squeezed my thigh.

"Who says you need one."

"Thanks man, I really appreciate it!" Charles thanked the hotel employee and the doors were closed. I watched how he walked up the stairs to the terrace with a smug smile on his face "The roof is ours for the next hours."

"I’m not even going to ask how you did that…" I chuckled, pulling the bathrobe tighter around my body "I honestly didn’t expect it to be this windy and fresh in the middle of the desert."

"Well, it’s the middle of the night." Charles chuckled and walked towards the bar, leaning over and pulling out a bottle of champagne and a bowl full of strawberries.

"You’re full of surprises, Mr. Leclerc." I said as he plopped down next to me, feeding me a strawberry.

"I try to impress you whenever I can…" he leaned in, his lips ghosting over mine "What do you say? Fancy a little swim?"

"Hmm… absolutely." I put my lips on his, sharing the taste of strawberries.

Charles cupped my cheek with one hand, while the other snaked down, pulling at the bathrobe string, untying the knot I made. When it fell open he slid his hand inside and I flinched a little, his hand cold from carrying the champagne bottle. He smirked and tugged at my bottom lip, before pushing the bathrobe of my shoulders. He kissed his way along my jaw, down the column of my neck, nipping at my collarbone. The bathrobe was gliding down my body, pooling around my waist. I untied his bathrobe, pushing it down his shoulders, as he stood up abruptly, his robe falling to the ground. He grabbed the bowl of strawberries and the bottle of champagne, setting them down on the edge of the pool before he turned around, picking me up.

"No! NO! You’re not jumping in there! I warn you Charles! I will-…" I began but it was already too late. Charles held me tight in his arms when he pulled me up again, water splashing around everywhere. I glared at him but he only laughed, kissing my forehead. I snuggled into him, expecting to be cold at any moment, but the water was surprisingly warm. Charles saw the confused expression on my face.

"It’s a heated pool… I might’ve asked to turn up the temperature a little." he chuckled and I kissed his cheek.

"You really thought of everything, didn’t you?" I beamed at him.

"Just trying to make everything as perfect as possible for you, cara mia." he whispered.

"You’re doing a good job. A very, very good job!" I replied and he brought me to the edge of the pool, a little ledge to sit on going around the pool wall. I looked over all the lights of the city while Charles opened up the champagne with a loud pop.

"Shit, I forgot glasses!" he sighed but I grabbed the bottle and took a big swig, face scrunching up "Very glamorous."

"You know me, I’m no lady." I shrugged my shoulders, taking another sip, before I handed him the bottle.

"But you look like one." he winked, or rather failed to do so and I chuckled. After taking a few gulps of champagne he sat the bottle down and sat behind me, pulling me into his lap and kissed my shoulder "This is way better than going out."

"Absolutely." I turned a little, snaking my hand around his neck, pulling him closer. Our lips almost touching, as I smirked leaning in even more, just to pull away, biting into a strawberry. Charles watched as a drop of the juice ran down my throat and groaned "Mhhh they’re so damn sweet." I picked up another strawberry, feeding it to him.

"Not bad, but I know something that would taste even sweeter." Charles whispered, his hot breath fanning over my ear "So much sweeter…" goosebumps erupted on my skin and I gasped, when he dragged his fingers through my folds.

"Charles…" I breathed out and he left open mouthed kisses down my neck, I closed my eyes, basking in the feeling.

"Yes, pretty girl?" he chuckled when I arched my back, grinding into his hand, moaning softly "Just tell me what you want…" my head began to swirl, when I felt his hard length pressed against my thigh.

"I want-… I want…" I began but had to stop when a wave of pleasure spread through my body. I grabbed his hand, pulling it closer to my core, moving with him "Please…"

"Please what?" I almost could hear him grinning "Come on…"

"Stop teasing!" I puffed out.

"Okay, okay…" he laughed and pulled his hand away and I huffed "Stop pouting!" he turned me in his lap, settling me down with my legs spread on his thighs "Ready?" he whispered and I nodded hastily.

"Yes!" I breathed out and a heatwave of pleasure spread through my body, a loud moan emanating from within my throat.

"Shhh! Not that loud, pretty girl! Do you want the whole hotel to hear us?" he groaned and the feeling of his muscular chest pressed against mine mad me clench "Careful… or I might think you’re into it…"

Charles POV:

I was pacing back and forth, waiting for Lewis‘ text when Lizzie walked in.

"I hate it!" she groaned and plopped down, head first, into the sofa.

"What’s going on?" I asked and sat beside her, turning her to look at me.

"Where should I start?" she sighed, raising her hands dramatically and I chuckled. She sat up and climbed into my lap, clinging onto me.

"Come on, tell me what’s bothering my little grumpy koala." I pinched her waist.

"I hate this racing calendar! I don’t like it to sit around for two weeks between races, going back and forth around the globe! Can’t they make it like we’re going in one way? Starting in Australia and working our way through until we’re ending the season in South America? No! Of course not! So now we have Australia next week and then almost an entire month until Baku!" she ranted.

"I know, they don’t think the calendar through… or rather not environmentally." I agreed with her.

"And then Miami! Why couldn’t that be a little earlier? Then I might’ve had a chance to get tickets! But no! First the calendar and then Ticketmaster spit in my soup!"

"What tickets?" I played dumb and she immediately pushed herself off of me.

"What tickets? WHAT TICKETS? Are you serious! I’ve been talking for weeks about The Era’s Tour! TAYLOR SWIFT!" she was fuming.

"Oh! Yeah! Of course! So no tickets because the website didn’t work and when it worked again all shows that would’ve worked out for you…" she glared at me "… for us were sold out! What a bummer!"

"What a bummer? No! Not just a bummer! It’s more like the end of the world!" she sighed again and I pulled her back into my lap.

"I know that sucks, but did you check for the shows after Australia? I mean, it’s like you said, we have almost a month between Melbourne and Baku?" Nope. All sold out. I already checked.

"That was the first thing I’ve checked right after they cancelled China! Nope." she mumbled.

"I’m sorry, cara mia! But that’s just her tour in the USA? Maybe she’ll be in Europe? Asia? South America? I’m sure we’ll find a way to see her! I’ll even help you and log in myself as soon as new tour dates are announced!" I cupped her cheeks, looking at her.

"Really?" she asked.

"Really!" I promised her right when I saw a text incoming from Lewis "You will see her concert!" I picked up my phone and read the text "I promise you!"

"Thank you! You’re a good boyfriend!" she giggled and kissed my cheek as I texted Lewis back.

I sat at the piano, writing down notes when I felt like someone was watching me, I grinned and sat up, playing my melody.

"You know, I can feel you staring…" I said quietly and Lizzie chuckled a little, before she hugged me from behind.

"Did you compose that?" she asked and I nodded "It’s beautiful."

"It’s not ready yet… just an idea…"

"But a beautiful idea." she kissed the top of my head and sat down on the sofa.

"We’ll see… when’s the car coming?" I asked her and turned on the stool.

"In thirty minutes. Everything’s packed. Joris will be here any minute. We’ll pick up Andrea on the way and JK is already in Australia." Lizzie stretched a little and yawned "I really hope that I can sleep in the plane…"

"You didn’t sleep last night pretty well, felt you stirring around quite a lot?" I got up and sat down beside her, pulling her into me and leaning back.

"Yeah…" Lizzie hummed and I gently grabbed her chin, tilting her head up "The doc said I might get a little fuzzy and anxious… after what happened last year in Melbourne… I guess he’s right."

"You mean, what happened with us?" I asked and she nodded slowly "I’m sorry…"

"What for? I was the one who left you at the airport, after you just saved my ass…" she looked at me with wide eyes.

"But I kissed you…"

"Yeah and it was a pretty damn good kiss that made me feel woozy for days! And I hated it!" she laughed but then looked at me "No seriously, it had to happen and I’m glad it did! Because look at where we’re now!"

"I guess you’re right." I nodded and kissed her cheek "Now come on. We gotta go soon!" I pulled her up with me and we got ready when Joris texted that he was downstairs where our car was already waiting.

I climbed out of the car, frustrated. Not just that I messed up Q1 and Q2, no, for some reason I was held up by Carlos for the whole first sector in my first run in Q3 and then couldn’t get my shit together for my second run. Just another miscommunication or whatever mishap and my own mistakes lead to a start from P7 in tomorrow’s race. I sat down my helmet and watched a replay of Lizzie walking behind the barrier towards the pit lane on the screens, her head hung low. I didn’t see what happened to her, just saw her car stuck in the gravel at one point. I walked outside the garage to look for her. She stood at the Audi pit wall, helmet still on, talking to Felix who squeezed her shoulder. She shook her head and then proceeded to walk into her garage. I passed her up and grabbed her hand.

"Hey." I said and she turned her head slightly "What happened?"

"That idiot just got back on track without looking! That’s what happened! And I had to brake and steer around him! With cold tyres! They locked up and I spun out!" she was seething, throwing her gloves on the table, then she pulled off her helmet "I swear it’s always him! And you know what? He probably won’t even get punished. Like always!" the way she looked and talked, I knew exactly who she was talking about.

"Did he spun out or why was he off track?" I asked her and she shrugged her shoulders.

"I don’t know. I was going around the corner when Pete said that he would be on the right, outside of track, just so that I know and as I rounded the corner he just… god how can he be so fucking stupid?" she threw her helmet on a cart and I saw how a lot of heads were turning.

"I get that you’re frustrated, but Lizzie, calm down. There’s cameras everywhere…" I said and pushed her inside the garage into the back "Calm down, okay?"

"I can’t calm down for fucks sake! It’s always the same!" she took a water bottle and downed it.

"I know it sucks! But you can’t change it now, okay? Do your talking on track!" I tried to cheer her up but she only chuckled.

"Yeah? How many times do I have to do the talking on track?"

"I’m afraid forever?" I grabbed her by the waist, pulling her in "It’s like this. Now, let’s go and have some fun with the media."

"Fun… yay…" she rolled her eyes.

"Come on!" I pulled her with me, Mia and Julie already waiting for us.

"Just hope and pray that he’s not there. I don’t know what I’ll say or do…" Lizzie mumbled and we laughed.

"Don’t worry, he was still deep in conversation with his dad and Mattia when I left." Mia said and gave me a pointed look, I sighed.

"What was that? Why are you looking like that?" Lizzie asked and I shook my head.

"Nothing. Don’t worry about it, cara mia." I said as we arrived in the media pen, Mia and Julie busy doing their job, looking for a spot for us.

"Are you sure?" she asked and I nodded, when Julie called her over.

"I think your needed."

"You too!" she smiled at me when Mia waved me over. I squeezed her hand and she walked off.

"Charles, P7 for you tomorrow. What went wrong today?" Danica Patrick asked.

"I wasn't on it. I wasn't driving well. I wasn't putting everything together, so that was my fault." I sighed.

"It seemed like there was some confusion in terms of track position between you and Carlos?"

"Unfortunately, I don't know what happened in the second run of Q3, whether it was a miscommunication with Carlos or whatever, but I found myself behind him for the whole first sector, which wasn't great. It’s like this sometimes. We'll speak at the debrief about that to try and improve those situations." I said when out of the blue Lizzie stormed over and hugged me "That’s new." I chuckled.

"I’m so sorry! I was so mad about my messed up quali that I didn’t even ask about yours! Fuck! I’m sorry, Charles." she whispered and I smiled, she pulled away and gave me a kiss when her eyes widened and she blushed, looking at me, then Danica as if she just now realised where she was "Oh my god! Fuck! I- I’m sorry! Really!" she said hastily and then sauntered off, stopping next to Julie to continue her interview, cheeks still slightly red.

"Now that was cute." Danica smiled at me.

"I didn’t mind it at all." I laughed.

"Last question. What do you think is possible tomorrow?"

"I think our car is good enough to fight for a podium? So yeah, that’s the goal. That should be doable."

I heard the door unlocking, soft steps towards me. Then Lizzie hugging me from behind, not saying anything until I finished playing.

"You’re done?" she whispered and I hummed.

"Yeah…"

"It’s beautiful. Really. I can’t believe that you actually will release it! I will listen to my boyfriend’s music on Spotify!" she kissed the side of my head and I chuckled a little.

"You’ll probably be my only listener." I said and she scoffed.

"Oh please! You have the most loyal fans out there! They will listen to it 24/7!" she laughed and stepped next to me "I’m serious! And if not? Then l’ll listen to it on repeat for the rest for my life!"

"Oh god no! I don’t want you to get depressed!" I groaned and pulled her down in my lap.

"I’m a Ferrari fan at heart. I know a thing or two about being depressed. Not to mention the emotional rollercoaster of being your fan…" she said and I gasped.

"Cara mia! My poor, little heart!"

"You’ll be fine!" she laughed, got up and plopped down on the sofa.

I got up as well and grabbed my phone, texting Jean from Verdigris. I sat next to Lizzie in silence for a while when I got a notification.

"It will be released at midnight." I said and she did a little happy dance.

"So, what’s the title?" Lizzie asked and I handed her my phone, she looked at it and sighed "I’m sorry." she whispered, kissing my cheek.

"It’s okay. I’m over it. The song helped me. I know it wasn’t Lances fault. It wasn’t my phone. Racing incident… it’s like this." I smiled sadly at her, thinking back to the race in Melbourne 2 weeks ago. The race that ended for me already in lap 1.

"It still sucks…" she took my hands in hers and squeezed them.

"It does. But next up is Baku… I should do good there!" I said determined and Lizzie nodded.

"Hell yeah!"

I packed my suitcase, making sure to not forget anything when I got a text from Charles, asking when I would pick him up. I checked the time and texted back, focusing back on packing. When I was sure I had everything, I dressed up, grabbed my suitcase and bag and switched off the light in the bathroom and bedroom. I then checked if all the remaining lights were out, threw my phone and headphones in my bag and slipped on my shoes. Right when I was about to leave my phone rang and I fished it back out of my bag.

"I’m on my way!" I sighed, rolling my suitcase out the door, switching off the light in the hallway.

"Passport?" Charles chuckled and I cursed, switching the light back on, running inside "Why don’t you just put your passport into your bag?"

"Because I’m not using the same bag all the time?" I rolled my eyes, opening the drawer, grabbing my passport.

"Alright. You got it now? Then I’ll see you in a bit." he said and hung up.

I locked the door and waited for the elevator, getting in. As I was already late, I kept on hitting the button for the underground parking garage again and again.

"Come on! Faster!" I groaned, jumping out of the elevator the second the doors opened, hurrying to my car. The moment I looked at it I stopped dead in my tracks.

A single red rose, stuck under the windshield wiper. The red of the rose was such a stark contrast to the white of my car. Almost like a droplet of blood in a field of snow. On unsteady legs I walked the last steps to my car. Shaky hand outstretched to pick off the rose. No note attached. No note under the windshield wiper. No nothing. I looked around, checking if any of the other cars had a rose as well. No. Just mine. It couldn’t be from Charles. He knew I didn’t like red roses. No. That rose. That was someone else. I unlocked the car, opened the hood and threw my suitcase in, then I got inside. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. He must’ve slipped inside when someone else left or entered the garage. When I opened my eyes again and started the car I flinched. When I looked into the rear view mirror I saw Diaz’ message for me: in bold red letters on my rear window: I can see you. I jumped out of the car, walked to the back and began to wipe off the paint with my sleeve, smearing it all over the window. Frantically I tried to get rid of the paint, get rid of Diaz’ presence. When it was mostly gone I looked at my sleeves. The red paint stained my sweater. I pulled it off. Grabbed the rose from the passenger seat and threw both items in the rubbish bin, before sitting back down in the car. I tried to calm myself down, driving off. But my hands were trembling. I shouldn’t drive like this, so I pulled over and leaned back in the seat, closing my eyes. A wave of nausea hit me but I tried to breathe through it. Suddenly someone knocked on my window and I flinched.

"FUCK!" I almost screamed and looked to the side, a little girl looking at me. I rolled my window down "What?" I said way more harshly than intended and she made big eyes and shook her head.

"No-nothing. Sorry." she walked away hastily and I groaned.

Great. I just blew off steam at an innocent girl. Good job. I opened up the door and scrambled out of the car, my legs still shaky.

"Hey! Umm- excuse me!" I walked towards the girl who stood next to what looked like her parents. She stared at me with big eyes, hiding behind her mothers legs "I’m really sorry for snapping at you like that! It’s just. You scared me a little and I’m late and I-… you know what? Doesn’t matter. Nothing of that is an excuse to snap at you! I’m really, really sorry!" I kneeled down in front of her and she slowly stepped around her mother "What’s your name?"

"Amelie." she whispered and I smiled at her.

"What a beautiful name! Beautiful name for a beautiful girl."

"I like your name too." she giggled.

"What? Really? Thank you!" she nodded and then reached inside her pocket, pulling out a bracelet, handing it to me "Did you do that yourself?" I took the bracelet and looked at it "Yeah? It’s so pretty!" I put it on and her smile got even bigger.

"I like your bracelets!" she said and I held out my hand for her to look at some of the fan bracelets I accumulated over the past months, but also some of my own.

"Which one do you like the most?" I asked her and she pointed at the rose gold one with a tiny heart "Good choice!" I took it off and secured it tightly around her wrist, she made big eyes and looked at me.

"Oh! No! She can’t- we can’t take that!" Amelie’s mother said but I shook my head.

"It looks way better on you anyway!"

"Can I take a picture with you?" the little girl asked shyly.

"Of course!" I put my arm around her father took a picture of us.

"Thank you!" Amelie smiled and hugged me.

"No, thank you for the beautiful bracelet!" I said and got up.

"Thank you! Really! All she talks about are Charles and you!" her mother said and I laughed.

"That’s also my favourites topic, you know!" I winked at the little girl.

"Good luck in Baku!"

"Thank you!" with a last wave I walked back to my car and got inside. The remnants of Diaz message still visible on my rear window. I started the engine and drove off, trying to ground myself, knowing that Charles would be suspicious if he would see me in my current state.

I pulled over in front of his house where he already stood, shaking his head. He stored his suitcase inside and then opened the door.

"I thought you’re German! Punctual!" he chuckled and got inside, careful to not step on my beg on the floor. Then he leaned over, kissing me. He pulled away immediately, looking at me "Why did you cry?"

"What?" I drove off, looking at the street ahead.

"You cried! Why? What happened?" he kept on staring at me.

"How do you wanna know if I cried?" I chuckled.

"I’ve seen the tears streak on your cheeks and your lips tasted salty. Like tears. Your eyes are a little puffy and red. So? Why did you cry?" he was persistent.

"Taylor Swift." I said the first thing that came to my mind.

"Taylor Swift?"

"Taylor Swift. That’s why I was so late! When I was getting ready I scrolled through Insta and someone uploaded a clip from The Era’s Tour… and yeah I might’ve cried because I will never ever gonna see her live in concert because of our job… don’t look at me like that!" I lied and he looked at me for a moment, before he relaxed back in the seat.

"My little drama queen." he laughed as he looked out the window "Now hurry up, or Max will fly without us."

"Yes, Sir!" I said, speeding away towards the heliport. Hoping Charles wouldn’t see the stains of the red paint on the rear window, I tried to distract him "So, Baku… what do you think? Can you do the three consecutive poles?"

"We’ll see I guess." he shrugged his shoulders, right as I steered onto the parking lot of the heliport.

"Yeah… but I believe in you!" I turned off the engine and looked at him, a gentle smile spreading across his face as he leaned in.

"Then I can do it."

Chapter 31 - Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the 2023 Formula 1 World Championship… full of racing, love, drama and trauma… 👀🙌

Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!

If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment!

Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!

Taglist:

@silkenthusiasts @eugene-emt-roe @sunny44 @itsjustkhaos @glitterquadricorn @aundercover @kakorrhaphiphobia @alittlebitofbooksandmagic @ru-kru @glitterf1 @janeholt3 @maeve-wileyy @18754389 @chiliwhore @hellowgoodbye @queensassybitchsworld @harrysdimple05 @skynel09

All the images I’m using are from Google, Pinterest and Instagram (or self made).

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mementoboni · 11 months

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[part 1/4] DIR EN GREY WOWOW Interview & Document (2020)

“Of course, I have to face the other four members. I'm carrying their lives and my life is being carried by them as well. I did it with that determination.” — Kaoru

Notes before reading:

The whole interview is divided into 8 topics, and the translation is divided into 4 parts. This is the first part, which includes the previous 2 topics. The details of all topics and time markers are 👉 here.

I have added Chinese subtitles for this video in 2021. The whole interview was very meaningful, and I hope that with the English translation, more people can understand what they're talking about.

The five members were interviewed separately and then edited into a video, so the words spoken by each of them are not necessarily coherent.

Repost and share are welcome.🙌 I translated it all by my ears, so please feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts.☺️

--- --- ---

01. Band Formation ~ Debut

►The Formation of DIR EN GREY

Shinya: All four of us were in the same band except for Toshiya on bass. Then the band broke up and we had to find a new member again. Kyo: Each of us all wanted to be in a band. So after discussion, we decided to get rid of one person and get the four of us together. (*Note: After La:Sadie's disbanded, the four of them decided to form a new band in addition to KISAKI.) Die: We were friends with Toshiya at that time, so we thought about finding all the members and forming a band with him. Toshiya: At that time, their band was gaining momentum. I would like to play with the four of them if it's possible and I happened to be invited. That's what happened.

►Origin of the Band Name

Kaoru: At that time, there was a band that communicated with us very closely. The band had a song called DIR EN GREY*, and that's where our band got its name. I always thought it was a good name, so I suggested it as the name of our band. (*Note: It refers to a song called "Dir en Gray" by the band "LAREINE" (with Kamijo as vocalist), which was formed in 1994.) Kyo: There were two alternative names at that time, the other one was proposed by me, but the final vote was 3:2 so I lost. (laughs) After I lost, the band name became DIR EN GREY. (*Note: Another name is "如月" (きさらぎ, kisaragi ) → Dir en grey turns 25 today! )

►Looking Back at the time of Debut

Shinya: The three debut singles were produced by YOSHIKI-san. He also played the piano for our song after debut, I had no regrets at that time even if I died, that's how I felt. Kaoru: At that time, we had only recorded once or twice in a decent studio, and we had also recorded in places like homes. YOSHIKI-san took us straight to a professional recording studio and said, "Let's make the debut single!" without giving us time to think.

. . .

02. Expression

►Awareness in the Creative Process

Die: After all, the band has been around for more than 20 years, therefore, we have to create something more exciting. It's not that I have to do anything, but I try to experiment with all kinds of things. So there are times when we can't be categorized as anything but DIR EN GREY. Shinya: While it is changing over time, now I just want to make songs that I feel good about. Toshiya: Every recording has to add the sound that you think is good, and you must like the songs you create, or you must love them. Kaoru: The overall sense of balance and the feeling that the listener will have, and of course there are many other things. I would listen to the song several times to feel it, and repeat it over and over again. I can remember it by listening to it over and over again. After listening to it a few times, I will pay attention to interesting pieces, new discoveries, and so on, while I'm composing. Kyo: Most people have a fixed style after 20 years, like "This is the way this person is," but I'm not like that. Of course it's cool to stick to your own unique style, although I can do that and feel like I can keep myself. Kyo: I don't like to make people think that "This is how I am in the end" or something like that, it's not my style. I want to show the changes in each moment directly. When I can't express the music naturally, I may stop, and when I can't create freely, I will stop.

►Things want to Convey through Music

Toshiya: What I/we want to convey is simply "pain (痛み)". Living is a hard thing, and being able to create that power of anger, I think that's our music. Kyo: I am very bad at expressing beautiful things, or is that not for me? It's... it's irritating. Maybe it's because I often feel that there is nothing good in the world, and I don't like things that look like fabrications. Shinya: Those are supposed to be in the lyrics, and I don't particularly want to express the pain with the drums. 🤣🤣 Kaoru: I think that varies from person to person, and there is no right answer. For me, I also have a part of myself that I want to convey, so maybe I'm thinking about that while I'm creating. If I were to say that we all share the same idea, it would be that we can express what we think without hiding it. Die: Being able to feel pain means you are alive, and hope is born from that. The first thing I/we want to convey is "to be alive". (*Screen caption: Feeling pain = Being alive)

►The Motivation for Expression

Kyo: If there is something that I want to convey which will be the motivation, I am not. I'm just living. Toshiya: It should be the anger and sadness in life, just the two. If I can express both, I feel I can be saved. Shinya: There will be people who come to see the LIVE, and those fans are my motivation. Kaoru: I think it's because I don't want to admit defeat. I don't want to admit defeat, it should be more like I don't like to admit defeat. I am a weak person, I will want to run away when things happen, and will want to give up when I can't do it. But on this point I still do not want to give in to defeat, I want to do it well. Kaoru: Of course, I have to face the other four members. I'm carrying their lives and my life is being carried by them as well. I did it with that determination. (*Oh, leader sama😳) Die: I think it's LIVE. LIVE is the most direct place to convey ideas and resonate with people. I am moving forward with LIVE as my goal.

(To be continued...)

--- --- ---

part 2. & part 3. & part4.

topics & time marks

中文翻譯 (My Blogger) part 1. & part 2. & part 3.

#dir en grey #kaoru #薰 #kyo #京 #die #toshiya #shinya #interview #interview 2020 #translations #video translation #diru translation #translation by yinfu #diru wowow 2020 #WOWOW interview #long post

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witch · 1 year

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(image descriptions in alt text)

sorry for the delay! 48 animals. 5 rounds. 3 brackets. 1 tournament to settle it all. here in Creacher Contest 2022, the greatest minds in the history of this website (and you!) will gather to decide once and for all who is tumblr’s favorite little scrimblo bimblo. you all voted in the first round. now begins round 2 to decide the creacher among creachers!

THE RESULTS AND THE ROUND 2 LINK (under the cut!)

CARD 1: Pikachu (winner!) vs. Stuart Little: with 286 votes against Stuart's 39, Pikachu has claimed the most overwhelming Round 1 victory with a whopping 88 percent! Does he have enough Z-Power to maintain this momentum in the coming matches? Stay tuned!

CARD 2: Tom & Jerry vs. Perry the Platypus (winner!): in a heinous act one can only describe as homophobic, Tom and his husband Jerry have been taken out of the game in Round 1 after accruing only 110 votes (33.8%) against Perry's 215 (66.2%). Reporters are calling this tragedy the worst thing to happen to gay people since my straight sister learned how to say 'yass'.

CARD 3: Kirby (winner!) vs. The Lorax: Our orange friend (56 votes, 17.2%) may have powerful connections here on Tumblr via the Onceler, but even those could not save him from the super tough pink puff. His current location is unknown and Kirby (269 votes, 82.8%) has been spotted with a yellow mustache. Call the police.

CARD 4: The Minions (winner!) vs. Talking Tom This match was a bit closer, but thanks to everyone's efforts, Talking Tom (133 votes, 40.9%) has been fucking sent to hell. Anyone else remember the schoolyard rumor that Talking Tom takes pictures of people through his eyes? Like sure the whole thing is probably some datamining thing but that's literally not how anything works??? How was this a rumor????? Ok anyways Minions win (192 votes, 59.1%)

CARD 5: Dog (Columbo) (winner!) vs. Dog (Good Omens): War is hell... but today in this dog-eat-dog world, one sleepy fucking hound (186 votes, 57.2%) rose to the occasion and proved himself to be a certified sloppy floppy. (note: do NOT confuse with 'sloppy toppy'. the resemblance is coincidental. all basset hounds are sloppy AND floppy. think Mr. J's signature 'sloppy style' and we will understand each other and then kiss.) I know nothing about Good Omens and have nothing to add for the other Dog, who admittedly did well in his own right with 139 votes, 42.8%.

CARD 6: Bond Forger vs. Gunter (winner!): I honestly thought this race would be closer, but that probably says more about me than them lol. Taking 67.1% of the card with 218 votes, Gunter has defeated Bond (107 votes, 32.9) in a victory for secret aliens everywhere.

CARD 7: Silkie vs. Waddles (winner!): As a Gen Z elder (lol) who watched Teen Titans reruns on Boomerang, Silkie (79 votes, 24.3%) had my vote. Did this poll reach a younger crowd than me, or is Waddles (246 votes, 75.7%) simply that powerful?

CARD 8: Temmie (winner!) vs. Puppycat: This matchup was super close! Temmie (176 votes, 54.2%) managed to beat Puppycat (149 votes, 45.8%), but there really was no clear winner until the end. This battle of what are basically two tbhs with animal features was certainly the most exciting!

CARD 9: Yoshi (winner!) vs. Chocobo: The only knowledge of Chocobos (98 votes, 30.2%) I have is from this stupid fucking Chocobo anthro art my friend used to spam my DMs with. I basically just needed a thematically similar animal to job to Yoshi (227 votes, 69.8%). Yoshi's Island DS was actually the first video game I physically owned as a kid, so he's kinda special to me lol

CARD 10: Little Buddy vs. Crab (winner!): I had personally predicted Crab's victory (231 votes, 71.1%), but not to such an extent! In only seven weeks. the release of Splatoon 3 (Splathreen) revitalized and expanded its title's fandom. However, it proved to be ineffective against the might of the humble crab, aka the only good thing Tumblr's done for April Fool's since the lizard election. RIP Wretched Tooth I miss you every day #wretchedtoothstandsfortruth

CARD 11: Mr. J (winner!) vs. Salem: L to Salem (114 votes, 35.1%), but you'll always hold a special place in my heart. Unfortunately, it won't be as special as the one reserved for Mr. J, Tumblr's favorite small cat and one of the few Tumblr famous bloggers I don't want to set adrift in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Now that that's out of the way: MR. J SWEEP COME ON EVERYONE VOTE FOR MR. J WE CAN DO IT

CARD 12: The Four Dark Devas of Destruction vs. Hamtaro (winner!): Once again, I haven't consumed either media here and have nothing to say on the matter. However, my friend was happy to hear that "the Danganronpa one lost". Part of me has to agree.

CARD 13: Toothless (winner!) vs. Stitch: Not only was this the closest match with Toothless at 167 votes (51.4%) and Stitch at 158 votes (48.6%), it was also the most controversial, yielding multiple complaints and one (1) death threat. While I sympathize and realize that putting two contenders as strong as Toothless and Stitch together in the first round may not have been the best move, I need everyone to understand that they have similar faces and must be grouped together for that. Thank you. Peace and love

CARD 14: Appa (winner!) vs. Lion: Did the ATLA fandom coordinate a move on this tournament? Because Appa (266 votes, 81.8%) beat Lion (59 votes, 18.2%) by a landslide! The representative of one of Tumblr's historically biggest fandoms losing like this surprised me, but if some sort of fandom participation really did occur, that makes me happy :)

CARD 15: Garfield (winner!) vs. Scooby-Doo: Report: After consuming no less than seven entire large pizzas, Scooby-Doo (149 votes, 45.8%) the dog was immediately rushed to the fucking vet. His owner, Shaggy was found similarly unresponsive. Sorry, Scooby: it was a close race, but nobody can beat Garfield (176 votes, 54.2%) in the art of eating Italian food and doing fuck all. Better luck next time!

CARD 16: Dimple vs. Moomin (winner!): Even after the coming and going of the Moomin (262 votes, 80.6%) fandom directly on my dashboard, all I can fucking think of is that gif of a blob of white mochi getting fucking pummeled in an automatic mochi maker that someone tagged '#moomin...' no matter what I do. That aside, he wiped the floor with Dimple (63 votes, 19.4%), who admittedly should have lost by disqualification anyways.

CARD 17: K-9 vs. Gary (winner!): Most important poll of the day, serving it up, Gary's (229 votes, 70.5%) way! Gary did great up against K-9 (96 votes, 29.5%), who is in fact this poll's only representative of SuperWhoLock. SuperWho would've thought he'd only rack up that many votes? Truly, no fandom can transcend one's early childhood.

CARD 18: Midna (winner!) vs. Morgana: In this battle of scrunkly little cat people, Midna (193 votes, 59.4%) was the definite winner, beating out Morgana (132 votes, 40.6%) by a decent amount. Whoever wins this tournament should be playable in Smash Bros 6

CARD 19: Puffles (winner!) vs. Chao: I feel like the Puffles (191 votes, 58.8%) won for the same reason Gary won: sheer power of childhood memory. As a kid, I always wanted the black one... was it locked behind the paid membership? It's been several years, so naturally I forgor. As for Chaos (134 votes, 41.2%): I am so fucking sorry to the person who said #CHAOSWEEP in the comments lol

CARD 20: Cousin Itt (winner!) vs. Tony Tony Chopper: the one piece wasnt real :(

CARD 21: Rigby vs. Mushu (winner!): Personally, I was really gunning for Rigby (125 votes, 38.5%). With Dimple so immediately out of the race, I was hoping for at least one representative of pathetic men everywhere. That being said, congrats to Mushu (200 votes, 61.5%)! Vote for him in Round 2 if you want him to job to Mr. J!

CARD 22: Luna vs. Hobbes (winner!): I read Calvin and Hobbes as a kid and only recently watched Sailor Moon as a feature for my anime club, but I can honestly say I like both. I still think a crossover would be gold! Show me Luna (117 votes, 36.0%) offering Calvin and Hobbes (208 votes, 64.0%) magical girl powers, Calvin rejecting the offer performatively and whining about lack of powers. That's 12 full strips of Calvin and Hobbes! Make it happen.

CARD 23: Ein (winner!) vs. Iggy: Ok quick tangent. I just looked up 'ein cowboy bebop' to find out what he does, clicked into the wiki and found a tiny, useless article only to then realize I was not on Cowboy Bebop Wiki but in fact the dreaded Heroes Wiki. This and Villains Wiki are the bane of my existence and I'd raise a glass if all parties involved were stranded on a snowy mountain. The Heroes Wiki entry for Spike Spiegel is 1980 words. The Bebop Wiki entry is 8000 words! Why the fuck would I ever want to read the latter? Why does it exist? Are there seriously people who browse Heroes Wiki, just clicking from unrelated protagonist to unrelated protagonist? It has absolutely no functional use in any fandom whatsoever! Any time I look up a fictional character, there's a 90% chance that the Heroes or Villains entry will be the one Google puts on top as if to say 'yeah, this is what you want. trust me.' And without fail, I click it every time! Since the Nazis who own Fandom made the mobile version of all their wikis the same fuck-ugly yellow, I can never tell until it's too late and I've wasted nearly forty seconds of precious time. If I was Elon Musk, not only would I not buy Twitter, I would instead buy Fandom, blow both of these wretched wikis off the face of the fucking earth and ban the IP adresses of anyone to ever type a single word into one of their useless, obtrusive entries. I cannot possibly overstate how much vitriol I bear towards these websites. Please vindicate me in the replies. Anyways, Ein got 265 votes (81.5%) and the other one got 60 votes (18.5%).

CARD 24: Snoopy (winner!) vs. Sakamoto: Snoopy got 195 votes (60.0%) and Sakamoto got 130 votes (40.0%). To quote my cousin's reaction when they found out:

"thank you snoppy"

here's the link to vote in the second round! i'll probably keep it open until 11:59pm est on november 3rd, that way i can get round 3 out in time for destiel day :)

finally, to conclude the post, here is a selection of my favorite comments from round 1 (view on mobile for optimal experience!)

thanks for playing! ~♥♛

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jaydeiswriting · 7 months

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A Mini Dissection of Ocean Vuong's Craft Choices in Night Sky with Exit Wounds

On a recent reread of Ocean Vuong's Night Sky with Exit Wounds, I indulged my rabid fascination with understanding a poet's repertoire of poetic devices and investigating the specific ways they use them in a body of work. This time, I was particularly drawn to specific uses of repetition and rhyme that and the ways they help craft meaning by creating theme and structure throughout the whole collection. Looking at two of the poems from this collection available to read online, I'm going to try to point some of these out.

Repetition Techniques

Vuong uses a lot of repetition in Night Sky with Exit Wounds in general, but the most interesting to me were his use of anadiplosis and his use of repetition as a structural element. These are both evident in the poem Eurydice, specifically here:

In these circled instances, Vuong uses anadiplosis in using a word or phrase at the end of one sentence and then repeating it in the beginning of the next sentence. [Yes, I had to expand my repertoire of literary terms to understand how to refer to what was going on here. Here's a great article on repetition techniques that taught me a ton.] The sentences are then more closely linked than the surrounding sentences, which compels me to read them together for a fuller meaning. In this specific instance, the text expresses instability (things change "depending on where you stand", gravity changes/breaks things) and the language compounds it with its shifting nature, repeating only to diverge. In some other poems, the same technique works as if to destabilize meaning, to establish an understanding of a phrase and then completely shift the context so it means something else. This is incredibly interesting when considering the context of the collection as a whole and how displacement, uncertainty, and the immigrant experience are thematically relevant. This use of repetition then expands on theme and creates a form/content agreement where the text embodies its meaning.

Here, repetition also works as a structural element, linking all the phrases in an almost stream-of-consciousness style. The repeating "depending on where you stand," "your name," and "gravity" connect the sentences and offer momentum and cohesion. This technique grounds even otherwise disjointed poems so they're still easily digestible.

[Note: if you're interested in these usages, I highly recommend checking out Billy-Ray Belcourt's "Duplex (The Future's a Fist)" in NDN Coping Mechanisms.]

Rhyme as Emphasis

Another tendency of Vuong's is to use rhyme to create emphasis, specifically where it elevates theme. Most of the poems in the collection are free verse with no set rhyme scheme and very few rhymes in general. This makes the rare rhyme much more jarring, causing it to emphasize certain words and its associations. For example, this technique adds meaning to the poem In Newport I Watch My Father Lay His Cheek to a Beached Dolphin's Wet Back, in which the rhymes highlight moments of violence and their association with the speaker's state of being.

The first instance is:

The semi-automatic is a signifier of violence, attached through rhyme to the speaker's "static" state (also automatic, as indicated by the enjambment of the phrase). This can, in the poem's context, indicate the jarring difference between the chaos and cacophony of violence and the speaker's opposite reaction of stasis, possibly even representing trauma.

Here, the rhyme between AK-47 and the speaker's age, eleven, makes a connection between violence and youth that lends to the theme of the poem, colouring the speaker's relationship with their father.

Rhyme works to create connections between words that add to meaning and theme throughout most of this body of work.

Bonus: Enjambment

As seen in the poem just above, another technique that theeads the collection is Vuong breaking compound words into their component parts over enjambments. This is present in the first excerpt of the second poem, as it goes "semi / -automatic." This specific use of enjambment can do so many different things, but I'm interested in why it comes up so much in a poetry collection with the themes listed above. I keep coming back to its use as a show of disconnection and fragmentation that feels incredibly relevant to the thematic landscape of the book.

Conclusion

Honestly, the most interesting thing about the choices poets make about when and how to employ certain poetic devices is how it often lends to the "point" of the book as a whole. The content and form echoing each other, in this poetry collection, makes it all so much more visceral and engaging.

#am reading #poetry #poetry craft #poetic devices #poetry craft talk #next i wanna look at k-ming chang's enjambments because i am obsessed w/ them (+more)#ocean vuong #night sky with exit wounds

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cami-chats · 8 days

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How do you keep your momentum up with writing? You write an impressive amount and it’s all GOOD. How? I’m in awe of it and I want to improve my writing too

Oh geez, thank you! It's a little funny to me that you say that, because my productivity tanked a couple years ago bc of health issues, and I still haven't recovered

BUT

What really works for me is doing a warm-up ficlet! Write a quick lil something, between 100-450 words. It needs to be completely isolated from any other projects, just free-standing, able to be enjoyed on its own. Fluff lends itself to this word restriction nicely, but if there's a genre or style you want to experiment with, that can work here too.

Writing something so short at the very beginning of a session helps get me into the rhythm of writing, as well as makes me feel good about finishing something (even one-shots take more than one sitting to do start to finish)

Because what you're writing is so short, it works really well as practice-- for characters, ships, styles of writing-- and doesn't have the baggage of "wanting to do the idea justice". When I have an idea I want to do well-- at least 5k-- it can be sort of paralyzing. But if it's an idea that I'm doing in 300 words, then all that anxiety is gone; I can just write it, and it's not a massive time investment if I do end up disliking the way I did it.

I'll also add this to my pro-ficlet warm up suggestion: if you write these ficlets and post them on AO3, it can really help you with writing summaries and picking titles. I see people complain about how hard those are to do, and frankly, I've never felt it. When you write stuff that's so short, it doesn't feel as momentous a decision. You write 400 words of a character looking at chocolate options? That's the whole summary: "X weighs their choices of chocolate at the store." Done. The title? You could just call it "Chocolate". Do that a dozen times, and then the summaries and titles for longer fics also don't feel as big of a problem

Hope this helps in some way, and good luck! 💙

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animehouse-moe · 7 months

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Ron Kamonohashi: Deranged Detective Episode 2: The Case of the Locked-Room Piggy Bank Theft

With two episodes under its belt, the inner machinations and ideas of Ron as a series are better understood. Its formulaic approach and comedic routines are further exposed, and viewers get to grasp what the season as a whole will look like. And it looks like it's going to be a whole lot of fun, for quite a few different reasons.

Just to get it out of the way, I'll chat about the episode direction to start today. Where the previous episode focuses on three dimensional space through more nuanced depth of field and blur, this episode does so by placing objects in the foreground. It's a simple idea, but decidedly different from the previous episode as it uses something more concrete to create that awareness. Similarly, it has more angled shots compared to the flatter style of the first episode. Coincidentally, the usage of faceless characters appear, which I always think is a fun style since it presents the challenge of expression.

But lets talk story for this episode, the direction is pretty closely tied to the "gear" that the story's in.

We get exposition on Ron's past, actually. It's a really really cool idea, providing a fancy detective school that Ron attended where he was top of class... before he got kicked out for being attached to a string of suspicious deaths. Even more than that is the stake that Ron raises with the discussion of his past: if he's discovered to be doing detective work, he'll be put to death.

In concert with the talk of BLUE, we're reminded that Ron does not have his tattoo/mark on his neck during his early days. With his comment of being banned from BLUE, it brings forward the possibility of being a marking in relation to his expulsion. Can't say for sure, but what I am certain of is that we'll explore its origins and meaning at some point.

Let's talk humor though. Crass, heavy handed, and plain silly. Ron delivers in spades with things you'd not expect at all, and pieces you'd see coming from a mile away. This one's definitely the former.

However, with more of a taste for the humor with this second episode, you can begin to realize how pivotal the humor is to the mysteries. It's able to hide clues in plain sight, covering them up with the excessive comedy expressed largely by Ron. It's a really cool idea that plays to both extremes of the concept incredibly well.

And that's not all for the humor either, no. Diomeda isn't a bad studio, which is something quite a few people can't seem to agree upon sometimes. Regardless, they are able to deliver expressive and fluid cuts, just like this one. They don't comprise the episode by any means, but they add to the energy a good deal, keeping spirits high and momentum going.

I think that finally brings me to the formula though. Key pieces like Ron answering his door before Toto can knock, or the waffling of Ron during Toto's attempts at explanation, stuff like Ron laying down next to the dead bodies, and of course things like Ron ordering the suspects to die. They're all pieces of the routine that exist within this detective mystery series.

But they present a challenge. How can you make something that happens routinely interesting, how do you make it fun. Well, it's a two part answer for which we only have one piece. Subtle differences with heavy handed humor. Bringing intense energy and individuality to these pieces creates an identity, one that you'll associate with Ron. You'll grow accustomed to the introduction and its purpose. And that's where the second part will come in down the road: the shake up. We're only 2 episodes in so we won't see it yet, but the further we get into this series, and the more its behind the scenes scheming goes on, we'll see a changeup in the routine. Like I said though, that's still a ways away though, so I'm more than happy to savor what we have currently.

#ron kamonohashi #isshiki totomaru #totomaru isshiki #kamonohashi ron no kindan suiri #ron kamonohashi: deranged detective #ron kamonohashi's forbidden deductions #mystery anime #comedy anime #anime and manga #anime #anime reccs #anime recommendation #anime review

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verbforverb · 1 year

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Eurovision ranking, part two! The set of entries I have stronger opinions about. You will note this post is uh somewhat more verbose than the last.

AGAIN, PLEASE DO NOT REBLOG

Cat2: Your choices are not my choices, but I respect them

Croatia: My initial note on this was "I appreciate that they are trying to make a point which I’m sure will be clearer when I can look up the translation but also this is, sort of, 4 different songs in one, and not in a good way." And I still stand by all of that. Love the energy! Love the mood! Parts of it are even catchy! Unfortunately, do not actually enjoy the experience of listening to this song.

Finland: This has grown on me more than I expected. I still wouldn't say I like it, but I don't mind it as much as I thought I did, the live performance is extremely compelling, and I do at least respect its choices. While I wouldn't seek it out, but it's definitely not forgettable, and I could see myself liking it eventually, maybe. But whichever way it definitely brings a certain something to Eurovision.

Ukraine: I am so close to liking this song. It's got that Bond energy, momentum, lyrically I've certainly heard worse. But the synth is just a bit grating to me still. There are also several parts where I swear it sounds like a Wilhelm scream, extremely distracting.

Israel: On first listen, the hysteria set in somewhere around the first "power of the UNICORN" and did not let up at any subsequent point. What IS the power of the unicorn? The first thing that comes to mind is the power of being an attractive young bi woman who is happy to be a no-strings third in an otherwise straight relationship. For all I know that IS what she means, it certainly adds another element to the song if so. I loathe the attempt to make "femininal" happen like few other things in this competition and resent this song for making me hear it multiple times. Musically it's all over the place, it feels like at least two and maybe three different songs trying to be one thing. And yet. AND YET. It is catchy! Noa Kirel blows the performance out the goddamn water! I guarantee I will not forget about any element of it, not for want of trying! Makes no goddamn sense. Compels me though.

Spain: So I do get the appeal. The layering of the sounds, the repeated lines, the almost sampled-sounding chanting which is a cool effect. Maybe this just needs longer to grow on me. For whatever reason, probably a large part underexposure to the style, I find this hard to listen to. Which is a shame, because it's the most interesting thing Spain has entered in years.

Serbia: I want to like this so bad. I love the aesthetics, the energy, the ridiculous 90s video game synth intro, and I can get behind what it's going for, thematically. Unfortunately I cannot deny the experience of my ears, and I do not like listening to this song. But I very much appreciate its existence!

And finally, Cat1: songs I feel positively about! With an actual ranking!

15 Cyprus: This would have faded into the mush of broadly-forgettable Eurovision ballads for me if it had not been extremely, inescapably reminiscent of Britney Spears' If You Seek Amy. But, like, a lounge version intended for background listening in a fancy restaurant. Once heard, this cannot be unheard, and that definitely gives the whole experience a certain indescribable something, the only reason I've ranked it so high.

14 Romania: Unfortunately there was no way to divorce this song from what I watched in the national final. This is a real shame, because I like this song! It's a jazzy waltz, we never get those, it has drama and range, and the guy can pull it off, vocally! In another universe I could see this making my top 10. Unfortunately, this is the world that we live in, and it contains... that whole situation.

13 Czechia: This was so close to being in the "I don't like it, but I do respect it" category, but you know what? I do sort of like it! The spoken word / chanting is just about on the right side of annoying for me, and you can't deny it is memorable. And you have to have a deranged song about feminism and/or national solidarity from central europe, it's the rule.

12 Poland: LOOK. I am not immune to a thirst trap bop. Is this song and its background as an entry ridiculous in all ways? Yes, absolutely. It's still stuck in my head now and forever. Plus I find the "VISIT POLAND. WE HAVE SWIMMING POOLS AND HOT GIRLS AND... FRUIT" music video extremely funny.

11 Slovenia: I'm not saying this is good. But I am saying a solid chunk of the foundations for my music taste were 00s pop rock, and this is a pitch perfect example. In Slovenian. It's upbeat! It's catchy! It's got a drop! If the lyrics are bad I can't tell! Just a fun time all round.

10 Moldova: Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you just want to go apeshit? God I love a good flute/whistle line. Sometimes you are creeping through the woods towards a giant bonfire circled by sillhouetted dancing shapes, human? more than human, or perhaps just somewhere off to the side? you are unseen yet all-seeing, and you crave the perfect soundtrack to that moment, and you know what? Moldova have you covered.

9 Belgium: This is great fun, it's got those synthy disco vibes, and it's lyrically touching as well. A bit of a dark horse in that it's crept up my rankings every time I've listened to it. It's just a little too one-note - not a unique problem for Eurovision songs, but to me it kinda feels like listening to the same song two or three times in a row.

8 Norway: Sometimes, a song can just be a good bass drop and a fun hook. It's not clever, but it is absolutely a good time. Similar to Belgium, it just doesn't do quite enough to climb higher - feels a bit repetitive - but what it has is very pleasing.

7 Sweden: I do fully enjoy most things about this song. The tune is good, love the synth, Loreen is a fantastic performer and I'm here for any staging which can be described as "surprise! you lift up a paving stone and discover a eurovision performance". There's just one problem, which is that it occasionally falls back on the most godawful rhyming, and then hits it as hard as possible complete with musical emphasis and pauses. Like, first listen, "It will come a - day, when we will find our ..." "don't say way" "WAY". And then by some combination of singing style or mixing choice those rhymes were all I could make out at first, like "mumblemumble PAIN mumblemumble RAIN mumble YOUUU mumble TATTOOO", and, just, infuriating. It's a real shame because I really do like everything else about the song but those bits are so incredibly distracting. The only other note I have is that the repeated "all I care about is love" just makes me think of the song from Chicago, which is a VERY different vibe.

6 Portugal: Love the energy, love the high-tempo cabaret feel, catchy as hell, and god, what a performance! I don't know whether to be impressed, terrified or both. The only place it falls down for me is that it just doesn't lend itself, really, to humming or singing along, because it is SO high energy and high range in every sense. Instead I'm just sort of watching open-mouthed, so the song itself doesn't stick with me the way some of the more conventional entries do. But without doubt a great entry.

5 Australia: First things first: it is incredibly weird to me that I managed to straight up forget these guys existed after listening to their music quite a bit some 8 years ago. I do like them! And this! They have this crisp progmetal sound that really works for me, and you always have to love a keytar. Add to that, I think these guys can pull off a performance, god knows they've been hyping up crowds for long enough. My only complaint aside from the harsh vocals (see also germany - why?? you can do metal without them! they won't take away your hardcore card!!) is that repeatedly asking "have you ever done anything like this before?" completely out of context - and not given more context that I noticed - is one of the most baffling ways they could have chosen to open the song, and mostly makes me want to yell "like WHAT, voyager? anything like WHAT?" But that's a detail.

4 UK: To anyone accusing me of pro-UK bias, I would say that this year and the previous year are the only times in the past decade, or maybe more, I would have ranked us above the bottom 5. I would not go so far as to say this year's entry was worth the wait, or worth having had to know that Teenage Life exists, but I do love it a lot. It's a bop! A minor key bop! It's catchy! It has deranged energy! It's got an inexplicably London spoken word bit that I even think adds to the song! Ranked only on craft, it wouldn't make the top 10, but on sheer enjoyment I have to have it up here.

3 Austria: When we first listened to this, I was making noises about how it was just kind of a meme, while my wife was fully into it, proving that ultimately she is right about all things. This has grown on me so, so much to the point where I love it both as a song and a meme, and we do just occasionally say to each other in the worst attempt at an american accent imaginable, "who the hell is EDGAR?". It's catchy, funny, it has a great synth line and it's about creative control and reward in the music industry! What more could you want? No idea how this will play on stage, but I'm officially a fan.

2 France: Ough. The moment I saw this I said "that's @docholligay bait" and you know what, I don't even care because it's fantastic. The confidence? The voice? The BASS? It's simple, elegant, and it could not possibly be more French if she was holding a baguette and smoking four cigarettes simultaneously. Even the fact that she's Canadian adds to this, because there's somehow something even more French about leaning into it all so hard despite not actually being from France.

1: Germany: You knew it was coming. Germany has hosted the biggest metal festival in the world for over 30 years, and is just now thinking "hmmm, we could send some metal to Eurovision." It was worth waiting for. This is maybe the only time I've ever been pleased Germany will auto qualify, because I do NOT think this will play well with the general public, but I love it.

Brief interlude while I'm a nerd: extremely Nightwish-esque instrumentals - to the extent that I spent the first two listens just trying to figure out which song the instrumental line reminded me of, maybe Bye Bye Beautiful or Storytime? - with the crisp vocals. I don't love the harsh vocal parts, but they're a minor enough part of it that I can deal. Lyrically excellent, love a song about the duality of humanity and the ways people choose who to be and how to act from the same set of parts. There are exactly two songs this year where I still find myself mulling over the words and the other one is a criticism of the music industry through the medium of spiritual possession, so. I didn't even think until @keyofjetwolf put it in her comments that the piano / rhythm playoff mirrors the lyrics, but I like it even more now if possible. One of my first comments was "never thought we'd get metal in eurovision, the guitar solo would take up most of the 3 minutes" and then Lord of the Lost released an extended version with an extra minute-long guitar outro, so I feel especially vindicated. To conclude: hell yes.

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astrxlfinale · 5 days

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Why can it never be truly placed? Where each movement, appropriate jab to the fleeting style of her voice sitting on the crevice of monotony to lively glimmers just-- brought something back.

An experience gained but never truly happened all the same. It fell upon that border that likely danced a fine line between the mortal realm and Aeonic realities.

Nonetheless would he grip that sensation with a spiritual hand, steel clad in the way it's held.

Caelus would watch as her figure danced with grace that seems to detach from this land fashioned by dreams. Coasting by reality, delving to that hidden beyond as ivory and briefly dashes with violet fury, a decisive fate runs red amidst the applause of sparking limbs cleaved. Even as the cascading rain of glass fell all around them, seamlessly devoured by his aura imposed by The Destruction, it'd be that amused thought that's noted by Acheron that makes his nostrils immediately flare. A tinge of disbelief at that damnably cocky note she made.

"Get real. ...." An amused scoff follows, a hidden history of camaraderie momentarily flourishing. "Penacony has been a little lacking in entertainment. If I'm bringing along some company, naturally I'm going to pick up that slack twofold wit'cha." He adds in. Could what they share be an illustrious and envied 'meal' for what crawls from the shadows? A bastardization in many degrees from snazzy figures and automatons purposed to bring a dazzling gleam. What veils them like twisted shawls was a need to drag any and all into their nightmares.

To tear souls from bodies.

Just as another figure ripped from the shadows, a violet die being cast with their foul face, the path that Caelus blazes would burn gold as he's immediately by her side. A cerulean current dances by his side, an apt swing of that infamous bat solidified their entire being to a fate of being atomized, well before that burst of remnant energy crashed into a nearby wall. That would be the provocation that introduced a swath of the Dreamjolts. Hints of that crystalized violet, raging and volatile emotions clinging to their figures as a pale light sighs into their surroundings as they remain back to back.

"Manage. Be a little more honest, all these 'What ifs' are getting a touch more motivated. Come what may."

Infuriated by the promise of a future that nightmares could never claim, it lead the horde to immediately jumped them in a singular swoop of motion.

"We'll be having our time out here!"

Gnashing reptilian teeth, sound waves, to dream charged bombs of glass soda bottles being launched as missiles, for anyone else this fate would look perilous. Yet, what hums contently within the Trailblazer is a leveled calm that bonds seamlessly with his ferocity. One hand would lash out, snagging one of those bottles before violently changing it's course, using the abrupt momentum to uppercut the cooking reptile intending to take a bite out of his companion. Fizzy determination would rocket him skyward, leading to a Shoryuken-esque uppercut that sent it barreling at supersonic speeds to some airborne opponents.

Only then would he alter course, allowing his bat to viciously swat away some surrounding blasts, the altered course of a freefall charging that excitement as they'd become blurs upon the battlefield. Amidst this whole debacle, he still kept an eagle eye on Acheron's performance.

"How about you stop holding back a little bit! Since when were you a sweetheart to your enemies!?" As if he could talk right now!

Basking in the chaotic dance of combat by the Galaxy Ranger's side also felt so blissfully, painfully familiar.

@iceiclehorned from X

#iceiclehorned #| Threads #JUST U WAIT #I'ma think up a tag myself!#in the meantime #They got got a performance to make due with

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broadwaytheanimatedseries · 2 years

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So I've had these two ideas for a while now...

Keep in mind, neither of them are necessarily Wuko exclusive, but they did both come to me in the Wuko context because I have Ship Brainrot™ so it can't be helped.

Concept 1: Wu can fight, Mako was just teaching him wrong.

So the thing about Mako's fighting style is that it's very specific to him, as a mixture of him being raised on the street, and then growing up to be the firebending teammate on a pro bending team.

For all of these reasons, not to mention his physicality being quite different than Wu's, his fighting style was never gonna work for the prince.

So in my humble opinion, Wu should have been taught by kyoshi warriors.

Not only is it an earth kingdom tradition that was created by the citizens in self defense, rather than the monarchy trying to maintain any shred of its relevance, but it's also a fighting style that prioritizes momentum and dexterity over muscle and brutal force.

Besides, unlike Sokka who had to outgrow his toxic masculinity and learn to be comfortable with wearing a dress, Wu would be all over the aesthetics of the Kiyoshi warriors.

Overall being an elegant dance fighter suits him a lot better than the martial arts Mako was trying to teach him.

Alternatively, (or maybe even in addition), I could definitely see him picking up chi blocking... That is if he can muster the attention span to properly learn it.

I love him but I also project onto him because I see a lot of my own ADHD refleced in his behaviour.

The way this manifests in a Wuko context to me is a very tense and homerotic sparring session, where Wu is eager to show Mako what he's learned since the last time they were in this position, and Mako is very distracted by both his attire and his quite impressive fighting skills.

Concept 2: the one that is unlikely

This one is borderline ridiculous, so bear with me here.

Wu has secretly been an airbender this whole time.

Ever since season 3, to be precise.

So technically much like the first one, there's nothing in canon to suggest that it isn't true, but it's a much harder sell.

That being said, I really like the potential of it.

Most notably, the fact that it's the only type of bending that it would make sense for him to have hidden even until now.

During season 3 he would have been hiding it for the obvious reason of his great aunt being terrible and building an army of child soldiers, which would also explain why he was never established in season 3 if he was trying to keep a low profile, for once in his life.

But then in season 4, where you would assume that he wouldn't have to worry about that anymore, there's still Kuvira's loyalists being a security threat and, I cannot stress this enough, his own great aunt being choked to death by an airbender.

Add to all that the fact that his great aunt would have been a threat to his freedom and well being, something neither she nor anyone other than Wu himself would have known, and it's no wonder that he's eager to take the throne and ensure his own security and agency over his own life.

And it would also be equally understandable why even after her death and Zaheer being locked up, Wu would still be deeply terrified about even attempting to learn more about his new ability, let alone tell anyone about it so that they might be able to help him develop it.

The way this manifests in a Wuko context to me, is a situation where for once Mako is the one in danger and without even thinking about it, Wu jumps to his rescue and accidentally airbends while he's at it. surprising all those present and potentially sending him into a little bit of a panic because

oh no I just airbended, she's going to find out, she'll send me down there, I could have hurt someone, I can't stay here I have to run I have to hide I have to get out of here -

And Mako would help him calm down and safely get out of there, as possibly the only person that Wu trusts implicitly and wholeheartedly.

Anyway those are my ideas, you're all welcome to use them just please like credit or at least tag me, so that I can see what better writers can do with them.

#wuko #dee writes #dee's aus #yeah I think this counts as an au #avatar the legend of korra

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grasshopperdoingdogpaddle · 1 year

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Got a writing request to do a oneshot for Dashi’s trio, so I’m attempting to work out their battle dynamic. Scattered thoughts so far:

Chase

smallest member of the team

quick and agile but still boasting heavy damage. fights like water: relies on rushing strikes that flow into a relentless assault.

sometimes in battles becomes impromptu de facto leader because he has to watch the whole battlefield and give out orders on who goes where and does what

Gets thrown around a lot by monsters

He can’t necessarily weather hits the best but he tends to be the most protective member of the trio and also tends to overestimate himself at times, which puts him in the line of fire a lot

Has a soft fighting style, but mostly practices with lethal weapons and goes for efficient killing strikes

Good at dodging and counters, not great at tanking

always nitpicked over getting the techniques right. He’d keep practicing until he could pull off a move effortlessly both with empty-handed moves and with his kwan-dao.

he learns a wide range of styles, and soaks in information like a sponge, but he ultimately prefers tai chi.

Personally invented Repulse the Monkey in the middle of a fight

Not as strong as Guan or as quick as Dashi, so he worked to have the most efficient technique instead.

Lots of flips and spins to add momentum to his strikes

Actively smirks and taunts his opponents and makes battles go in a direction he can use. Sometimes focuses too much on this and gets hit because of it, either by his opponents or by Guan.

Loves fighting, has a ton of fun with it and always takes the chance to show off when he can. Part of it is genuinely him having a blast, and part of it is a mind game because a frustrated opponent is easier for Chase to manipulate

The best at reading their opponents and pinpointing weak points

Guan

has the strength and calmness in battle to be a good vanguard, but isn’t really protective enough to serve as a tank. He’s more likely to use Dashi or Chase as a decoy than he is to jump to shield them.

boasts a hard-striking style with piercing damage and superior guard means he’s the most protected when dealing with monsters. He’s big and solid and buff, and can send enemies straight through a wall.

Best out of the three at bluffs and feints

Most easily provoked

Always keeps his signature spear on him. He knows how to handle other weapons, he just needs time to adjust and settle in to handling them before he’s decent.

has a bad habit of needing to sharpen his spear in the middle of battle; as the Earth dragon, he can do it pretty much anywhere, but Chase and Dashi watch his back and stall for him at times because of it

because of the wide range of his weapon, especially when he uses the chains, he sometimes trips up others if they fight too close to him. Chase and Dashi have accidentally been in the path of his blade on quite a few occasions, which genuinely worries at times. They get into arguments about it sometimes.

Usually keeps his hands occupied with weapons or blocking opponents; hand-to-hand combat doesn’t come naturally to him at first. If he’s disarmed, he’ll grab whatever’s on hand to be a backup weapon. As the dragon of earth, he’s often able to just make something like a boulder or a stalagmite.

If he is weaponless in a battle he goes for quick takedowns.

Once he does pick up some hand-to-hand practice with Chase and Dashi, he mostly uses throws and grapples to keep his opponent off balance with kicks, or strikes to knock them down for the count.

Easily has the worst long-range aim of the trio. What he lacks in precision and technique, he makes up for it in strength and ferocity.

Has a set of 6 dots on his forehead that can be used in special attacks, but it’s very taxing on him, so it’s rare.

Dashi

likes launching himself into the air to land on monsters so he can ride them anytime they’re fighting something large enough to theoretically mount. (He has to assure Dojo that he’s his favorite thing to ride after every time he does this)

his record for how long he’s managed to stay on a monster’s back when it’s actively trying to buck him off is a solid 10 minutes. Some monsters just tire out and give up on trying to throw him back and start wandering around, much to Dashi’s chagrin.

likes launching himself in the air in general. (On missions where Chase gets knocked around a lot by monsters, Dashi joking asks Guan whether he thinks Dashi or Chase got more airtime today. The three of them laugh it off in good humor)

Best at fighting flying monsters since he isn’t exactly stuck on the ground all the time, so he’s a lifesaver against anything with wings

He’s a fast striker, preferring to go in to hit then get some distance before any retaliation.

Very competent and surprisingly levelheaded, and best of all, very good at throwing off his opponents' game and making them irrational and out-of-step

Usually fights barehanded, but loves to do things like fighting monsters with ironic weapons, like taking something down with a weapon forged of the bones of its species or something. He finds it funny and cool.

Most of his strikes are kicks, often high or done with a jump or a spin.

He throws his opponents a lot, but unlike Guan, he usually does it not to take down his opponent but distance them from him, since Dashi’s close-quarters-combat is not his strong suit.

He also incorporates flips and gymnastics so he can maneuver around his opponent and strike in even small openings.

as a set of 3 dots on his forehead that glow during certain attacks

is the most accurate with thrown projectiles, even before you factor in the fact that he can cheat with the wind.

has the best sense of spatial awareness out of the three

#Xiaolin Showdown #Chase Young #Dashi #Master Monk Guan #my musings

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blamemma · 10 months

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for my own little memories that i can read back on but if u wanna read about my glastonbury then u can read below

foo fighters stole the show for me. just an hour of pure joy and rock 'n' roll 🤘🏼 whilst the sun was going down

then sprinted from there to fred again, who glowed in the afternoon sun...his stop start approach kinda made the show lose momentum in parts but also i cried like a baby during it so cant talk too shit about it really

arctic monkeys are shit now like alex turner can sing but the pompousness was annoying....let the crowd SING with you thats the whole fucking point

left a part of my soul at arcadia that night and then hiked up the hill and watched the sun come uo which looks very nice on the photos but i cannot remember at all

peopel i was with wanted to go see aitch so we did that not....bad....just not my style.....saturday was just a big day of djs for me really boucning around the place, again dont rlly remember much of it

oH and no sympathy at ALL for lana del rey it was her fault, it was annoying, and we could have stayed at other sets for longer :)

sunday was SAD BOY day dermont kennedy and joesef i had lost my will to live, my soul and energy was dotted around the place now so i just stood in the crowd and swayed and sang my lil heart out and then it was just on to places like shangri-la and iicon for the rest of the day

idk this is a v bad summary but tryna write things down before i forget so i can look back and remember

anyway

lots of good food as well

tent life at festival wasnt too bad tbf although all i did was sleep in it so like cant be that bad anyway

loads of lovely traders as well could have spent a fortune, i didnt, only got some small bit, but could have spent a fortune

im definitely forgetting a lot of people i saw live here

hey ho

ill just add to it later

#glastonbury23 #me

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modern-oedipus · 1 year

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Hey , i just want know are you okey ? Are you alive ? Because youre not been here for a long time and i just wonder . Loveyou <3 <3

Hello! Thank you for checking up on me! I am doing well. I shifted my focus from the online platforms to different priorities, so I am not checking my social media as often, but I am really doing great! I’m also here with good news that I want to accounce while responding to this ask:

I am writing Conflict!

Important parts of previous chapters are being rewritten, polished and edited for a better reading experience. Chapter 20 is on the way!

I have been working on it for last two weeks by now! I wanted to post the new chapter on Norman’s birthday, but reviewing the previous chapters take way longer than I anticipated. I am also adding some author’s notes to update about what I changed in the fic or how I am feeling compared to then-vs-now! I am putting more emphasis on the trigger warnings as well!

Right now I am editing chapter 11. I am directly editing on AO3 and posting whatever progress is done, then I go back to it, so if you check the chapters you may come across to live-time edits! As I explained in detail at the author’s notes of Chapter 1, I don’t aim to edit or rewrite the whole story; doing that would be against the fic’s soul and it wouldn’t feel the same anymore. I’m just doing some reconstruction work, I am trying to keep my writing style as it was back in 2019, add some details and in-depth descriptions of some scenes, explain the little plot holes, fix the formatting issues, etc. I am doing this both to remember the story better before writing Chapter 20 and so on (Chapter 20 is not the final chapter, so I am thinking about giving more regular updates since I am getting my momentum back) and to confront the times I was writing it.

I kept back from announcing it here and just silently edited it, though a reader realized it on first day and commented on Chapter 1 and I felt the happiest to know that they were still here! I am going to reply back to the comments I received within 1 year, as well!

My plan is to finish editing and reviewing all of the chapters 1-19. Then I am going to make a full Google Drive doc with detailed, spoiler-containing Trigger Warning for each chapter. Then I’ll publish Chapter 20. After that, I’ll respond to the comments. I think after all of this long and tedious committed work, I can just keep updating regularly. That’s the plan if it all goes well!

On a good note! I am also adding Chapter Songs! Those are the songs I used to listen while I was writing Conflict. I really thought they are fitting to certain chapters. I didn’t write any chapters with a specific song on my mind, in fact, I discovered those songs for Conflict aesthetic instead, but either way they are really fitting! So I am editing and updating as I go, to the songs I find relevant.

Reconstruction of chapters 1-10 is complete and I am consistently working on the next ones, so if you want please check it out! ❤️

On a side note, I am aware that it has been sooooo long, so I wasn’t really expecting anyone except for a few people I know in-person, to read Conflict again! I mean, I am not even offended or anything, most of us have sort of moved on from hyperfixations we had back in 2019, myself included. But I have my personal reasons to go back to checking Conflict. On the day I started editing, I was telling myself, “It is okay if no one notices. I don’t even want to make an announcement. I’ll just quickly take a tour on AO3.” but I received a comment on it on the morning of it, despite not making a single announcement! It just… made me happy beyonds words can express.

I don’t know if I would go so far in editing/rewriting if I did not KNOW for the fact that, some people are definitely interested! I know that because they went out of their way to let me know! All the comments I have been receiving within this year, all the asks, dm-s, everything summed up and gave me the Courage to keep writing.

So, once again. Thank you. All of you. I’m looking forward to enjoying the ride with you! ❤️

#tpn #norray #conflict #ao3 #fanfiction #writing #tpn ray #tpn norman #tpn emma #norman x ray #asks #nila stuff #therapy notes

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beautifulpersonpeach · 5 months

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hello i came across your page and found you super interesting and a good source to go to when in need of some not sugarcoated opinions

im an army, been an army for a bit more than four years and just a few months ago i got super into enhypen and now well im obsessed

ive given other groups a chance… no one and when i say no one did it for me like enha i can’t believe they managed to turn the scale with bts for me im obsessed with both of them and now i have 14 babies

enha are really captivating and theres smth abt them thst idk its just special HOWEVER lets be real they are not doing so good with streams and charting and it pisses me off like crazy bc god do they deserve a lot more and i keep thinking what is it that they lack?

so i wanted to ask you do you think enha would make it big (armys pls dont come for me at the comparsion) but do u think they would make it big like bts? and secondly what are they lacking as a group in terms of everything (music, style, personalities, personas… etc)

***

Let's get the obvious out of the way lol. Unless it's a group from Big3, it's going to be near impossible for any currently active group to become as big as BTS this decade. For Big3 + HYBE groups, it's possible but difficult. Enhypen surprisingly doesn't follow BTS's playbook as closely as some other groups do. The three boy groups most closely following BTS's playbook right now, are:

RIIZE - in their whole concept being a coming of age odyssey with a rap-spin;

Stray Kids - practically everything about Stray Kids is BTS-inspired (and it's something I've talked about before);

Ateez - it's in their lore-heavy branding and performance focus, also utilizing rappers.

The key thing lacking for those three groups in reference to following BTS's playbook, in my opinion, is the music. Other things too, but it's the music that's the key limiting factor here. This doesn't kill their momentum and I'm not exactly saying the music bad, just that going by my taste, there's a lot of room for improvement.

ENHYPEN doesn't lack at all in the music department. I'm probably biased but it's also true many of their songs are produced by BigHit's team of producers who made the music that got BTS this big and who generally make stuff I like. So, Enha's got great songs, but like I've said before, currently, they're not a rap-focused or even rap-present group, and it's unusual for vocal-centered boy groups to become massively popular unless they're from SM, and even then, rap groups still outperform... I mean, we've seen that movie before.

But to follow BTS's playbook, they'll have to mitigate this lack of rappers - Bang PD/Belift has to push for more involvement from ENHYPEN into their song-making process. Having members with writing credits helps to show a more direct connection between the members and the song. It adds to a sense of ownership and legitimacy for a lot of fans (whether or not it actually reflects it). So far, in ENHYPEN Jake and Jay have contributed to songwriting and it's been very good. Ni-ki also takes part in making choreography. But for Enhypen to grow massively, the members need to be seen having more direct and consistent input into the creative process, whatever form that takes. Also, if I were them I'd lean even more into their choral, hiphop sound. Nobody does it like them and it's pure magic.

Also, ENHYPEN's lore is somewhat clumsily tacked into their MVs, making it difficult for people to understand the group's identity. Enha is a 'concept group'. Their concept trailers are beautifully shot, frankly a work of high cinema, something beyond the quality of most MVs. But then, all that complexity and subtext kinda disappears in their main MVs. Maybe it's because I've never been a theorist, but the presentation of lore symbolism in their MVs can be confusing and difficult to parse even with reading the WEBTOON. Ateez's lore by comparison is in a sense, 'simpler'. People might struggle to understand what ENHYPEN is and connect with them, when as a concept-heavy group, their lore is difficult to understand. It's up to Engenes to better compile and present the narratives around the group, to get more people to connect with them.

ENHYPEN are easily some of the best performers in their generation, but because of their style of music (vocal-heavy, limited rap/chanting verses paired with intricate choreography and floor-work), live concert performances can be very challenging. They pull it off amazingly well, but I worry for them tbh. Here, Ateez has figured out a formula that works to keep their performance energy consistently high: rely on simple rap/chant verses, focus on open, simple choreography that travels across the stage, and utilize props to add to drama.

Like I said earlier, Enha's music-scape and choreos add a layer of difficulty that make it harder to replicate BTS in terms of performance, as they currently are. Enha's vocals would need to improve, as will their stamina, to bridge the gap. But they are well on their way to getting there. If thing's continue to improve like it has so far, within a year or so they'll be seen as beasts. They're already incredible, but if they keep growing it will become more apparent to more people the unique mix of talent that exists in Enhypen.

Because that's what you saw that made you write this:

"a few months ago i got super into enhypen and now well im obsessed

All seven of them are naturally, incredibly charismatic, and they seem to be very decent and talented people. That's why you're obsessed. Lol. In my view, Enhypen at their core is a high-performing hiphop team that does 'haunting and dramatic' contemporary pieces extremely well. Their performances are insanely intricate, and it frustrates me to no end that it's usually near impossible to translate all of what's happening in the practice to a stage performance.

Take for example their MMA2023 dance break:

youtube

It's been a source of fiery debate in my group chat since it dropped and I'm not even kidding. The amount of floor work, the precision, Heeseung, Ni-ki, Jungwon, Jay, Sunghoon's dance styles show best in krump breaks like this. Ni-Ki and Sunghoon trained in ballet and as a figure skater, respectively, and you can see it in how they move. Jungwon is a powerhouse, and Heeseung and Jay embody the sort of dual charisma that one can only be born with. You either have it, or you don't. They're all special and this is a performance that is just that good. But with the camerawork of the main show, the clashing outfits with the backup dancers, the poor lighting, means so much of this performance can be missed. The boys still did amazing. But when you see the practice and see what it's supposed to look like, it hits you just how limited they are by their intricate performances not captured better on stage. Engenes can work around this by hyping up good fancams, and dance practices that capture their effort.

The final thing I want to say in where ENHYPEN is lacking, is one in which it physically pains me because this is easy to fix: American roadshows/interviews. BTS had only one barely fluent English-speaker but he was also the person often most involved in making the music, and so he could better respond to questions about it. The rest of the group also made up for not being fluent English-speakers by doing comedic antics while remaining as engaged as possible in the interview. The person who usually contributes to Enhypen's American interviews is Jake for obvious reasons, sometimes Jay, but each time I've watched Jake speak he seems worse than unprepared. To be blunt. It's not enough for a group to show up on Western talk shows, they also have to effectively communicate who they are and why they're special. Enhypen does this so much better in variety content like this:

youtube

this too:

youtube

But in situations like this interview below, it's clear Jake sometimes struggles to explain some things, but he recovers quickly later in the interview.

youtube

Jungwon answers questions very well but speaks in Korean. It's fine, but working on his English can only be a positive in this scenario. For Jake too.

#enhypen #kpop music #engenes #engene #kpop fandom #bpp music posts

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regarding-stories · 1 year

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Sword Art Online Progressive: Love that don't dare speak its name

My current reread of Sword Art Online Progressive (SAOP or Progressive) has arrived at SAOP Vol. 7 - Rhapsody of Crimson Heat (Part 1) and it makes my heart ache. It's hard to put into words how much I enjoy this book and my time with these characters, and I know I will finish this reread soon and I have to pick something else to read, with no further Progressive novel released even in Japanese, putting another translated book more than a year away from being released even if Kawahara released a ninth volume tomorrow.

I might seem overly critical of the inconsistencies heaping up between the Sword Art Online (SAO) main series and Progressive, but the truth is that I truly enjoy the Unital Ring arc unfolding as a chance to spend time with the whole gang, and I truly enjoy the Progressive series as a thing of its own. I'm not looking forward to events coming up on the horizon that are meant to change the course these characters are on so that they can segue into the existing story. I love the momentum of what they experience now, it's a thing of beauty seeing them grow at each other's side and also growing closer. It's great episodic fantasy on its own with great writing, with some quirks deriving from Kawahara's style I can largely ignore.

I would like to see the charm of these stories preserved and not subjugated to the needs of another story. And I would love seeing these character living out their inner motivations as consistently and convincingly as they do now. This is a quality that makes Progressive stand out among Kawahara's best work - just like The Isolator. But unlike The Isolator, Progressive is never a series of its own. It's taken hostage by "existing canon." Even if that canon itself is unwritten. Even if that canon has been only alluded to.

But I digress. Because I want to write about the unfolding of the love story in Progressive.

Love is shared experience

A wise friend of mine once summed it up like this: Love is shared experience. He was not talking merely about romance, the interest in a partner, or dating. He was talking about all forms of love - between lovers, between friends, between family. Love grows when we share experiences with each other. And he recommended to add love to love, meaning that if you see a chance to add another layer with a person to the existing love that exists, do it. There may be a person you share a hobby with, and that's the extent of your relationship. And one day you find you can talk to that person about something that's weighing you down or you manage to listen to them and make them feel seen and heard. Then suddenly a new dimension is there - that of heart-to-heart exchanges.

Love exists on many levels, in many forms. It finds its way in touch, in enjoying nature and sharing the experience, in opening ourselves to others, in stimulating each other's mind, in supporting people to find purpose and fulfillment, in the ability to be yourself in the presence of others, in the space that we hold for others that lets go of all judgment when they just need to dump it all out. Love can be expressed in service to others, in being attentive, but also as (tough) love that keeps in mind the actual needs of yourself and others. Love isn't just a soft cushion that you can drop on. It can be expressed in challenging a beloved person before they continue to head further down a harmful path. The expression of love is as varied as it can get. It values the other on many levels - seeking union but also respecting boundaries and the individuality of others. And it hopefully values the self. (Now, how's that for a post written on Valentine's Day, huh?)

So, having said that, the potential of Progressive as not just a "love story," but also a story of love in all its shape and forms, is actually more profound than you might expect. SAO was a whirlwind romance. It had to be. On the one hand, it was constrained into being a submission to a contest. The amount of pages it could unfold in was quite limited. On the other hand, an author grows with their works. It is very apparent that each story Kawahara delivered contributed to his growth as a writer. Progressive is not just more of the same, it's an author revisiting his earlier body of work with more depth and skill, hard-won through writing quite a lot. And possibly also growth as a person, who knows? I'm sure becoming a full-time author had its changes and challenges, and so did SAO's success.

Even as it was a whirlwind romance, and in some ways a teenage romance, the original love story arc was also quite heavy in its symbolism, culminating in a self-sacrifice and blending into each other as their digital bodies were undone. It contains both the naivete of first love and the seriousness of a love on the background of life and death. It plays with romantic ideals and even the transpersonal dissolving of boundaries between people. But when you look at it, it all happened very sudden, and if we are to believe SAO Vol. 2 - Aincrad, quite a bit of it happened off screen as Asuna was putting the moves on clueless Kirito. Or like Asuna would later put it (in that particular volume): "I wouldn't be so sure. You're awfully dense."

The path taken for Progressive is quite different. The Asuna of SAO main series was impressed with Kirito, lovestruck, and going out to get her man. In SAOP we see a gradual forming of a relationship between two people that depend on each other for survival, but increasingly also for their emotional needs. It is still a story of all kinds of funny mishaps, but it also encompasses friendship, romance, the revealing of one's feelings, a complicated dance of self-deception and pretense, and finally a bringing forth of that great commitment and loyalty growing between those two. Asuna sacrificing herself for Kirito in the finale of the Aincrad arc was a big, tear-jerker moment. But when we look at it, Progressive earns its emotionally touching moments much harder than SAO on its own ever did.

An ever-increasing obscurity

When they made the first Progressive movie, they chose to tell it from Asuna's point of view, centering the story around her. This was possible because in the initial volumes of Progressive we did at times get scenes that told things from Asuna's perspective, getting an insight into the workings of her mind.

What made the movie fall short (to my taste) was its failure to depict a consistent Asuna throughout and stuffing in some things she never said in the books or rushing forward her commitment to Kirito. And partially you can blame it on one feature of Kawahara's writing - the art of leaving things unsaid and looking at characters from the outside... On the other hand, isn't that what movies do? But he increasingly does so for Asuna.

I call it an art because it's quite intentional. Kawahara takes the "camera" of his scenes quite consciously and points it at the character whose revealing actions and words he wants to document while relating to us the inner reactions of the person whose viewpoint we take. But this also means that the author will make Kirito his "camera" in a scene whenever he wants to hide the full extent of Asuna's feelings and just show her actions and words - which in turn betray most of it. But what the movie did is exactly what Kawahara doesn't do - he doesn't spill all the beans at once. He gives us one bean, then another, then several beans at once - and then you get a period without any beans until he starts over. And we as readers follow this bread-crumb... I mean, bean trail along. Because it leads to great moments, because it's the dynamic at the core of this series, its core thread which all the others revolve around.

It's therefore hard to pinpoint when Asuna's feelings take a more conscious form. But we get some hints that they are definitely developing and that some of it must be definitely conscious. Kawahara leaves it unclear how much of her own motivations Asuna rationalizes away and how much she is just not willing to admit publicly. But we can clearly see that by SAOP Vol. 7 the hints she drops are rather obvious. And the only way to preserve any ambiguity means that we need to see her from the outside.

One scene in SAOP Vol. 7 is the coin toss at the fountain in Volupta, a fountain she recognizes as having been modeled on the Trevi Fountain in Rome. And she tosses no pocket change, as Kirito notes, but two one-hundred-col coins, signifying the importance of this to her. (I assume a smaller denomination coin exists for the col, especially since for example 1 yen coins exist, taking the same place as cents would take in Western currencies - the "sen" previously used for smaller values went out of circulation in 1953. Also, the 100 col coin is a silver coin, not your typical smallest denomination in fantasy.) She tosses them, then explains: "One coin means you'll be able to come back to Rome. Two coins means you'll be there with that special..." Then she refuses to speak on. Of course we are meant to not only to infer that she meant to find a special... someone to return with, but that she will return with a special... someone she already found, else she could just tell the story to finish. (My internet search for the meaning of the coin toss doesn't seem to bear Asuna's interpretation out, but you do you, girl.)

The other scene occurs in the same book when they dine out at a restaurant with Argo. Since they each sampled the same three choices, Asuna asks Kirito which one he likes best, then merely remarks his choice is interesting, but does not use this as a means to promote further conversation nor to disclose her own likes. Your mileage may vary, but I'm left with the strong impression that Asuna compiles a list of what Kirito likes to eat. There are hints in SAOP Volume 6 - Canon of the Golden Rule (End) that Asuna has already used her new open skill slot to put the cooking skill in it. These are meta hints, though, for people knowing the main series - so you could think of it almost as an Easter egg at that point. All Asuna tells us is that what she put is a secret. Kirito simply continues on the assumption she put "two-handed lances" - in spite of the fact that she couldn't have leveled it up to the needed proficiency she display in that time. (Which hints at a magical item from the treasure room of Galey Castle instead.) Behind Kawahara's smoke and mirrors, however, is the assumption that if Asuna took a weapon skill, she would just tell. She displays, on average, a high level of pragmatism around many things people could be awkward about, so whenever Asuna actually plays coy, you can be your two one-hundred-col coins on it that it has something to do with her feelings for Kirito.

No wonder we don't get to see Asuna from the inside anymore. As Liz would put it: "If this were a manga for girls, there would be an explosion of roses in the background."

Let Big Sis help you

One of the most awesome characters of Progressive is of course Argo, the merciless tease. I'm sure since Argo and Sinon are both present in Unital Ring, the whole story will eventually collapse into a black hole under the combined weight of the ability these two have to put others on the spot.

Argo serves many roles in Progressive, but since she's clearly a friend to both Kii-boy and A-Chan, she loves putting Asuna on the spot for what is obvious to another girl, especially our friendly Rat. As she points out to Asuna is that when she drops a pop culture reference to Kirito, it needs to be something he has a context for. Or... she needs to broaden his horizon a bit.

Argo: "You've got a lot of work ahead in your future..." Asuna: "No kidding..."

Of course Argo knows exactly what she's doing. She lulls Asuna into a sense of familiarity by speaking something that might have been on her mind, then let's Asuna's tongue betray herself. She essentially gives a stage for Asuna's emotions to be put into words before her mind catches on. This may a game of fun for Argo, but Argo's actions throughout the series suggest that the Rat has at least a crush on Kirito that she sidelined because she sees what's going on and would like the two to actually act on it. She earns her self-given moniker Big Sis by actually putting Asuna in the spot, drawing her out. (Of course she also chuckles mercilessly when Kirito's enthralled watching Asuna framed against a wide panorama of the night. Argo has enough to go around for everyone.)

For comparison, Argo called Kirito a "coward" for pulling out of a rather emotional encounter that might have led to a confession of that crush during the events of The Reason for the Whiskers, so she shows us she is quite capable of making such a confession and showing somebody her heart. She's also good at reading the situation and other people. That, and her underlying maturity, seems to offer hints at experience that other girls around Kirito lack.

Enough with the romance already!

But of course the feelings between Asuna and Kirito come not only under the heading of romance. Of course it's romantic when Kirito stammers "I don't... want you... to die." But who would ever want to lose a loved one? Kirito not only betrays a core motivation here - protect Asuna - that he begins to take on, he also makes it clear that love is on the table without defining its form.

Kirito's feelings, of course, are in conflict. One part of him wants to be closer to Asuna and treasure her for himself. Another part thinks that the greater good for Asuna and the whole of Aincrad would be that he let her go and become a shining beacon of hope. It's a struggle between longing and a transcending love that wishes only the best for the other. It's also a heaping pile of self-deception.

This shouldn't come as surprise. Most if not all of Kawahara's protagonists share traits such as self-depreciation, self-deception, and self-denial. Their views of themselves are often awfully skewed and not borne out by their actions or how others see them. Kirito is noble as fuck, willing to risk everything for others, courageous, not willing to stand by when suffering happens, protective, honest, caring, often inspiring and touching the hearts of others. He however thinks of himself as selfish, compulsively recalling any occasion where he could have acted better, focused on mistakes, failings, and negative interpretations of self.

Or take Minoru, the protagonist of The Isolator series. His entire view of himself is negative but his actions say different. Sometimes others accept his rationalizations why his behavior isn't really noble, but one of his core beliefs is that he is a burden on others that needs to be removed. He can't see the positive he brings to their lives. Haruyuki of Accel World goes way beyond the comical in how he basically sees himself as human trash others will eventually toss aside. Shino, the co-protagonist of the Phantom Bullet arc of SAO, is incapable of seeing herself in any positive light until her new-found friends push it in her face.

What unites them is that they can't see in themselves what others see in them, and to the extent they do, they become happier people. Where they see imperfections, others see qualities. This is one aspect of love present in all Kawahara stories - the need to be wanted around, to be valued. And surely Asuna does this for Kirito. In SAOP Vol. 4 - Scherzo of Deep Night she cries bitter tears over how others treat Kirito after his actions were for the sake of exactly those fools. This is the loving concern for another human being, to want them feel valued, praised for their good deeds, their hard work seen.

"I'll be the one to praise you."

Of course, all kinds of love mix in Asuna, and her tongue is back on the run-away train, leading us to this gem: '"I'll do whatever I can for you... whatever you say." Later - much, much, much later - Asuna would confide to me, "A part of me was worried about the possibility that you would say something really crazy," with a gentle, beaming smile.'

This might be the only actual shout-out to the future Progressive has offered us so far. And the secret of the love story is in that mix. Kirito and Asuna are friends, companions in peril, and ultimately they will be lovers. They already bicker like an old couple before consuming the fact, anyway.

Conflict of love interest

But what Asuna does here is care deeply and offer to lead Kirito out of the maze of his self-deception. She urges him to see what value he has to begin with even if she has to make him see it.

There's also an interesting conflict between the two - Kirito wants to serve a greater good by ultimately releasing Asuna. And Asuna doesn't want any of it. She seems to see - or at least feel, sometimes unconsciously - that her personal good lies with him, and his personal good with her as well. She puts it very well why she wouldn't want to be a sub-leader in a guild, much less the guild master: "It's annoying enough for me to watch after him." (SAOP Vol. 5) Way to tell people your priorities even in snark!

Both Kirito and Asuna display clear leadership qualities all over the place - a sense of responsibility and the greater good, but also practical skills like a sense of tactics, command, intelligence, courage. And both are eschewing making a formal commitment to this path blaming it on external factors or an inability. Asuna is at least honest about her unwillingness. Yes, both have been antagonized, put on the spot, even ostracized. But what they fail to see is probably none of the existing guilds wants them because they'd outshine the leaders. So they remain a free-floating molecule of two particles, a radical willing to bind with whatever other player or NPC the story needs them to.

I just wanted to note that there are various expressions of love at work here. The wish to commit to only one other. The wish to see somebody become their full potential. The wish to be with a person that makes you feel safe, or a person that makes you feel alive. All of this is love in its varied shades. But ironically these varying shades of love define a part of the conflict for the two. Because Kirito keeps Asuna at a distance for her sake, wants to protect her but ultimately set her free. Asuna wants to break down that distance, even unconsciously, wants to be his equal instead of a ward, and wants to be bound.

But whenever one of these two gives up their own behavior in this push-pull, they come together. Then other personality dynamics come into play. For some reason Asuna can't commit to her feelings openly, though various acts on her side betray she has at least thought about him making the first move. She seems to have envisioned the scene, only to find herself having (sleep-)walked right into it, and she gets terribly self-conscious. When she tells Kirito that she's not ready, clutching her pillow in SAOP Vol. 5, we get a perfect misunderstanding (like the one in the original Aincrad story) of Kirito's intentions regarding what is meant to happen next. This Asuna might not be ready, but she has clearly thought about it. The whole dialogue is both a piece of comedic art and also wonderfully revealing.

It would be very interesting to know what makes Asuna decide she is not ready. In fact, what being ready means and how you bring it about. As they go through their story, it's hard to think what could be missing still. They risk everything together, they barely spend time apart, and there are quite a few assurances to each other about the value they place on the other, their ability, they esteem they hold each other in. There are no empty proclamations in Progressive, only motions of true hearts. Even if feelings can't be expressed properly, like in the early Rondo for a Fragile Blade, Kirito clearly wishes he could. He wants to lessen Asuna's pain. He's empathetic. From her and the other people close to them he learns the skill of sharing his feelings.

Even if he can't show his feelings, he choses the path of service: He puts others before himself, tries to anticipate their needs and fulfill them. Asuna, on the other hand, choses the cooking skill (I presume) to cater to a literal need. Kirito is nagged and groomed into better boyfriend material, even if unintentionally.

But at its heart, it's a story of shared experience. The intention to come back to Trevi Fountain may be a romantic thing, but at heart we're shown a story about sharing experience, and in doing so, experiencing love. How everything is better when you can share it with somebody you want to share it with. When we met Asuna first, she was committed to die by a monster's hand. When we met Kirito first, he was a loner by choice, unable to grow out of his social inability.

And that is the final form of love for this article: To behold somebody growing into their potential and taking joy in it. These characters may or may not go on to ultimately tell the story they first appeared in, but it's the act of growing that possesses a charm of its own, even if it's accompanied by self-deceptions and crazy rationalizations. They do not dance around each other, but also around their own true selves. And while SAO is ultimately a love story, it's also a story about learning to love yourself, to forgive yourself, and become who you are meant to be. To love yourself enough to let others into your heart for real. Wouldn't you agree... Sinon? Kirito? Asuna?

#kirito #asuna yuuki #love story #sword art online #valentine's day #love #sword art online progressive

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