#and that shit like that had a lasting and devastating impact on me and my ability to form and maintain relationships with people

[exchangeyourexperience]

sometimes ill get into this headspace where im like man i really am too hard on my mom, truly the worst thing she ever did to me was not be an emotionally perfect parent, and honestly who is, she really didnt fuck up that bad considering. and then i spend 20 minutes alone in a car with her and come out of it understanding why people kill

#undefined.txt #like ohhh yeah this is why i dont remember 80% of my childhood and go entirely nonverbal when someone is even mildly irritated with me #and live in constant fear of irritating my loved ones to the point of abandoning me at the drop of a hat X3 #like i have to remind myself that doing shit like forcing a 7 yo to pack a suitcase and telling them youre #kicking them out of the house because they didnt want to take a shower while theyre sobbing and begging you not to is like. #not a normal or healthy thing for a parent to do. #and that shit like that had a lasting and devastating impact on me and my ability to form and maintain relationships with people #but we stay silly :'3

[milogreer]

so uhh this is gonna be scatterbrained. but i'm gonna ramble about milo and (what little info we have on) colm. sorry in advance if it doesn’t make sense i just had to exorcise this demon 🫡

i believe "camping with your alpha boyfriend (2021)" is the earliest mention of colm in an audio. obviously we don't actually know milo's side of things because it's told from david's POV, but we still get the mental image of little thirteen year old milo sitting shotgun in his dad's pickup as they drive to their camping spot. gabe's goofing around in the truck bed to make david and asher laugh, and colm joins in the fun by swerving the truck to mess with gabe. very basic dad thing to do, my dad's done the exact same thing to me and my siblings. it feels familiar and silly, and david frames it as a good memory, so it feels like a good memory. which is important to the point of this post

in "celebrating the new house (2022)," we get a little more colm lore:

My dad was forever blowing any cash he made on fucking bets and gambling and shit, chasing some fucking high. My mom was the only reason we didn’t end up out on the fucking street. He didn’t pull his head out of his ass and get some help until after I’d already moved out. So I never got to have that feeling of being in a house that was actually ours, ya know?

already this is a stark contrast to what we've previously heard of colm (i don't think there's any real mention of him between sept 2021 and dec 2022?) and it kinda makes me look at that old memory in a different light, especially with regards to david saying marie was "nagging [colm's] ear off about being irresponsible and a bad example." like. ykwim? like i'm just thinking about that interaction and wondering how far along those problems were at the time, if they were present at all. was this a normal, fun family outing? or would milo have rather been in the truck bed with david, asher, and gabe?

(and the fact that it wasn't until after milo moved out that colm tried getting any help?? i could make a whole other post speculating about milo struggling with wanting to move out of that environment ASAP vs not wanting to leave marie on her own to deal with colm)

so then i'm re-listening to "your werewolf boyfriend is worried about you" and having a visceral reaction to (re-)learning that colm was also an alcoholic:

But what he chose to do with that frustration and that feeling of powerlessness was not his job’s fault, those were his choices. He’s the one who decided to lose himself in booze and gambling and never being home. Never being there for the people he said he loved but apparently couldn’t stand to be around.

the last sentence especially is just an absolute heartbreaker because milo's, what, thirty now? and he's been dealing with this since he was a kid. clearly he's not on great terms with colm. the only times he ever talks about him is when he's shit talking the department. that is a crazy weight for someone to carry their whole life. i don't have experience with the gambling side but i do have an alcoholic family member who i used to be really close to as a kid but grew up to intensely resent as a result of his actions, so it hits a little close to home to see that reflected in milo

but i digress. umm. i bring up the camping story to highlight the most recent mention of colm from milo and how there were good times and sometimes maybe it hurts to remember them when the person involved devastated you as you grew up because they weren't what you thought they were. and how these things follow you through life and impact how you approach certain things. milo has to live with the fact that the same system that royally fucked colm is potentially going to do the same thing to the love of his life; i never drink more than one shot or half a beer, if i drink at all, and i don't like being around drunk people. even though we don't hear about colm very often, his influence is still there whenever milo has to deal with the department in any way

anyway i guess TLDR; imagine living the majority of your thirty years of life feeling like your dad couldn't stand to be around you because he was too busy drinking himself stupid and gambling away every penny he had as a way to deal with the strain that his job put on him. imagine having to witness your mom struggle constantly to keep you cared for. imagine the few good childhood memories you have with your dad being overshadowed by thinking he didn't love you or your mom enough to change. imagine watching the department run your soulmate into the dirt physically and mentally the same way it did your father and wanting to be supportive of them but also being so worried for them. it's a really interesting situation for him to be in and i enjoy it but it hurts me. the end

#one thing about me is that i will gravitate towards characters with alcoholic family members whether i know it or not #redacted audio #redacted asmr #milo greer #sweetheart.txt #milo #colm

[samijey]

broke my promise to myself and actually watched the jey/gunther match and let me tell you... whoever booked that finish wanted jey to look like an idiot. mega rant under the cut which you should honestly read im not your mama but you should read it

he splashes gunther after getting dominated for 80% of the match and an (honestly underwhelming) spear and we're meant to believe the +2yr champion who's beaten virtually everyone on the roster (including drew who recently beat jey TWICE) was about to be defeated right there?......okay............ but it gets worse

when the referee (for no real good reason) stops the count at 2 after jimmy rings the bell, jey "forgets" about gunther and turns his back to him, allowing gunther to get back up almost IMMEDIATELY (remember we were meant to think he was about to be beaten 5 seconds earlier) yet jey quickly superkicks him BUT THEN decides to dive at jimmy on the outside instead of going directly for another splash (girl help) so ofc when he does go for the splash, gunther gets the knees up, and to add a cherry on top of this shit sunday, pins jey right there after performing no extra offense - doesn't even roll him up, jey just lies there flat on his back and gets pinned (while michael cole screams "GUNTHER ROLLS UP JEY USO" to make me even more mad, apparently, as zero actual rolling takes place in the ring - just a leg hook & weight on the shoulders combo... and not a particularly vicious one either) I just ??????

and of-fucking-course as the TV feed gets cut, cue cody and punk who come out all smiles ready to do the usual fanservice routine for the live crowd and suddenly jey is mostly done selling what just happened and is smiling along with whatever you wanna call it - sending the crowd home happy?? since when did that become mandatory for broadcast shows??? why can't emotionally devastating moments count just as much when it comes to delivering a satisfying ending to the live crowd??? are you telling me they couldnt have had jey walk to the back WHILE SELLING the heartbreak/frustration of what happened and THEN send cody out to do the fanservice thing??? fuck maintaining suspension of disbelief I guess - you can't even argue that "it's fine it was just a treat for the live crowd" because WWE has posted the footage everywhere and promoted it heavily.

imagine if after the camera stopped rolling at last year's rumble, sami had got up, undone kevin's handcuffs and they both hugged and cut a cheerful promo at the crowd - everyone would've blasted wwe for undermining the impact of that finish and not letting the moment breathe.

here's another, even more similar example - remember what happened after summerslam when jimmy attacked jey? he sold the devastation of the moment all the way until he exited the arena, so why is this any different? because it's "just" TV and not a PPV? nah, i'll tell you why: because wwe does not give a shit about this current version of jey's character - he's there to spew the same catchphrase 100x an hour (because it sells merch and pops the crowd let's be honest), display a grand total of two personality traits, and rub his popularity off onto the people wwe actually consider stars

for comparison - you cannot tell me that if it was cody in this position (just lost an important match thanks to the most important person in his life + got attacked by them on top of it) wwe wouldn't have had him look devastated or cut an emotional, tearful promo that would've then been posted and promoted everywhere

"chill, it's not that serious" my apologies for wanting something i love (and KNOW can be so much better with minimal effort) to have a basic level of logic and thought put into it, it's not like wrestling booking is rocket science and we know wwe is NOT incapable of actually delivering good stuff 🤷??? the standards for this show are so damn low and seeing no one else be bothered by it does my fucking head in ouch ouch wheres the aspirin bye

#jey uso #wwe #the usos #jimmy uso #i fr wasnt gonna tag this at first #but fuck it i'm mad and yall will hear about it #if you consider yourself a jey fan in any way shape or form... i genuinely think you should read this

[littlelesbianintern]

Cynthia’s Coming Out Scene

I want to start with the fact that I think this is one of the best coming out scenes I’ve ever watched which considering this is a show set in the 50s is an incredible feat. This scene has me sobbing and Ari’s acting was incredible.

To be honest the way this show has represented queerness has been brilliant throughout the season. I love how the show utilises symbolism, but in particular the motif of queer people being able to have conversation about queerness without expressing it out loud is especially impactful - Cynthia/Lydia’s “you’re scared” scenes, the rehearsals, the fall dance, the conversation between Cynthia and Shy Guy. All of these moments convey deeper conversations than their literal words and to have this culminate in Cynthia not even being able to voice their identity/feelings out loud is genius because it’s such a universal experience for queer people.

Ari’s acting was phenomenal, literally just incredible. That moment before Cynthia hands the note to Nancy, relishing what she sees as the last moments of their friendship before Nancy begins to look at her differently? The grip on the note before letting Nancy eventually take it? The absolute look of fear as Nancy reads it? The gut-wrenching sob as she reads Nancy’s response, overcome with pure fucking relief? STUNNING. I’ve never felt to moved or seen. Give Ari their flowers because I can’t express enough how amazing their acting has been this season.

Also as much as I would like to know what the note says, I kind of love that we don’t? Like it remains this beautiful inside joke/moment between just Nancy and Cynthia. Having said that, I hope it says something like “rate the kiss out of ten” in a recall to Nancy loving to rank how good people are at kissing.

ON THAT NOTE NANCY NAKAGAWA IS THE ALLY OF THE YEAR. I love that she picked up immediately that Cynthia’s anger wasn’t entirely about her relationship with Potato, because whilst Cynthia definitely is angry about Nancy’s attitude, a little more of it was maybe some slight jealousy on Cynthia’s part? Nancy and Potato as a straight couple (I have my own head cannons but I digress) can outwardly express affection for each other but Nancy chooses to reject this. For Cynthia this must be incredibly frustrating, because as Lydia’s experience proves, queer relationship don’t have the same privilege, but Nancy takes it for granted. But for someone who said themselves that they weren’t great at listening, Nancy’s response to Cynthia, whatever it was, was perfect. And furthermore, she wasn’t just there to listen, but to actively turn up and support Cynthia in repairing her relationship with Lydia. Honestly just all of episode 10 was Nancy being an icon for a solid 55 minutes.

I also love the way that Lydia’s previous relationship experience adds a deeper layer to her relationship with Cynthia. I already kind of figured this would be the case based on the lyrics from Merely Players (“i know just what you’re feeling I’ve had that dream before”) and her conversation with Cynthia as to how school productions usually goes kind of read to me like she’s had queer relationships before. But it really reinforces how much Lydia likes Cynthia, to the point where she is willing to put her heart on the line again even though she knows how this might go.

Finally, although we don’t know whether the show will be renewed or not, the fact that the season ended with happy lesbians? Revolutionary. I’m going to be devastated if this becomes another sapphic show that’s cancelled, but I have a little peace of mind knowing that for once the lesbian couple hasn’t been left on a cliffhanger with no resolution. The reunion between Cynthia and Lydia was so lovely and Ari’s voice ? Holy shit dude!!!!!! They’re incredible. And the symbolism with the hall of mirrors, showing Cynthia giving every version of herself to Lydia? Amazing! So yeah, thank you Rise of the Pink Ladies for finally giving us some much needed portrayals of queerness with a happy ending, especially considering the context the show is set in.

#rise of the pink ladies #grease rise of the pink ladies #grease #rotpl #grease 2 #grease: rise of the pink ladies #grease rotpl #olivia valdovinos #cynthia zdunowski #jane facciano #nancy nakagawa #lydia rotpl #cynthia x lydia #RENEW RISE OF THE PINK LADIES

[alectothinker]

the unwanted guest vs [redacted bc spoilers]

bc im insane about this story and its references

anyone getting jb priestly an inspector calls vibes from the unwanted guest ?? a couple things i noticed:

the stage play format + old timey rich family house setting (fireplace, butler/maid, calling card etc) is very similar to AIC 

from the play: "The dining room is of a fairly large suburban house, belonging to a prosperous manufacturer. It has a good solid furniture of the period. The general effect is a substantial and heavily comfortable but not cosy and homelike."

ianthe straight up calls pal "inspector" lol

pal questions ianthe indirectly to reveal her guilt about killing/exploiting babs (v like the inspector vs the birling family)

from sparknotes (lol): "Strangely, the Inspector does not ask questions about what they know about her death. His questions, instead, prompt each family member to struggle with and eventually face guilt for Eva/Daisy’s death." "The Inspector’s questioning unravels the mystery of how each family member has used social standing, influence, and power over others without personal consequence, devastating the young woman’s life." ^ vs pal calling out 3rd house heir and lyctor ianthe tridentarius for seeing+spending babs (who had been assigned cavalier status at birth) as a resource 

 Pal: "you never stop to check the price tag. You just pay whatever's asked, up front, and walk away."

vs AIC: "The play, as events unfold, suggests that an empowered class exploits the underclass without consideration of consequences for its exploitation."

consequence being that tern's whole life was fucked, and ianthe never considered that her own soul would be corrupted (in her pov) by babs'

Lastly, pal vs the moral of AIC: 

"The Birling family’s collective guilt conveys Priestley’s message that it is the social duty of every human being to examine the impact of any action on others and to care for and help them, without self-consideration."

vs everything that pal says in the story, +in ntn, paul still tries to help ianthe/babs: "There’s still time, Ianthe. Time for you, and for Naberius Tern.”

someone on tumblr has probably written this meta but to me TUG is pal (+tamsyn) laying out how systematically exploitative the necro/cav relationship can be (with ianthe helping out a lot lol). which imo aligns pretty closely with what priestly is trying to say with AIC, and also with dulcie's hamlet quote: ‘Use every man after his desert, and who should ‘scape whipping?’

also TUG feels like some sort of. idk awakening in pal? and therefore paul? cant wait to see them fuck shit up in new and interesting ways. ok thats all pls lmk if yall have thoughts!! i last read AIC in middle school for my GCSE's LOL

#leaning heavily on sparknotes here #the unwanted guest #the unwanted guest spoilers #the locked tomb #the locked tomb spoilers #ok spoilers in the tags stop reading now!!!!!! --> #also found it interesting that pal (the most morally principled representative of the most morally principled house) #got to interview ianthe (morals hater of the gaslight gatekeep girlboss house) #and induce an existential and moral crisis #that was bad enough to let him him take over the body for a while #and by interesting i also mean very funny #text

[toshidou]

Prologue // Snakes in the Grass

Series Masterlist

Pairing // Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader

Word Count // 1.3k

Tags // reader's call sign is Viper, descriptions of injury, blood, swearing, hallucinations, mentions of past relationship.

AN // the beginning of the my first series is here and i couldn't be more excited omg T^T also, in case it's unclear, any dialogue in italics is from the past, rather than the present.

The asphalt tastes bitter from where your cheek is pressed to the floor, ash cascading through the air in thick waves, obscuring your vision from the wreckage that undoubtedly surrounds you. In your delirious state, the sight reminds you of the first snowfall in childhood, precious memories of agape lips, catching delicate crystalized water on an outstretched tongue. Bloodied hands reach up, fingers shaking as you disturb the air above, fascinated at how the ash swirls in intoxicating patterns before settling against rubble. 

It’s childish. You’re cognizant enough to recognise that much, despite having your body thrown at least 10 metres back, at the mercy of the C4 that detonated in the room adjoining yours. What you’re increasingly worried about is the way the room shifts before your eyes, hallucinations, no doubt, but convincing ones at that. 

The wrecked armchair opposite you transforms from tattered, cheap blue fabric, to deep brown leather, an imprint of the man who used to occupy it seared into the sunken seat. The wallpaper now a heart wrenchingly familiar shade of maroon, rather than the dull grey you’re sure lined the four walls before the explosion tore them apart. It’s ironic, that the room your concussed mind has conjured would be the one you were left utterly broken in for the first time, the only difference now being that it’s your brain and body that have been left devastated, rather than your once naïve heart. 

It sparks memories you’ve long since pushed to the darkest crevices of your brain, of torrid days filled with vicious arguments, insults with impact like whips, striking for nothing less than blood. 

And all because you wanted the life you find yourself existing in presently. Maybe he had been right, that this was never a path meant for you. But you still can’t bring yourself to ever regret your decision to join the SAS, notwithstanding any of the physical consequences. 

Even if it was a decision made out of pure spite. A choice made to hurt the man you once called yours. Your Simon. 

You blink, the vision before you unwavering despite the tears that blur the world around you, distant voices that echo against shredded concrete transform to those of your past, as though you needed salt rubbing into fresh wounds. 

“I’m not having this same argument with you, over and over again, it's like fuckin’ groundhog day.” 

God. It feels fucked up, the way you’re almost relieved that your mind can still remember how he talks, the way his accent curled around words like sandpaper, rough and gritty; how that same intonation ground you down until you were but dust, slipping through his solid fingers.

“But that’s just it, Simon, it’s not an argument, it’s my life! I get to make the decisions about what I do with it, not you. Never you.”

You sound so bitter, your tone not dissimilar to the acrid tang that currently lingers against your tastebuds, a bitterness that tainted the words that filled your brain, far too sour to swallow, leaving you no choice but to spit them out, burning irreparable holes in a relationship you once cherished. 

“Does my opinion not matter in the slightest here? You’re talking about joining special military forces, it's not gonna be some walk in the park, it's serious, dangerous shit.”

“You know I never took you for a fucking hypocrite, Simon. Maybe me signing up will give you a taste of what I’ve been having to deal with for the last four fucking years—" 

You flinch preemptively, all too aware of how this conversation ends, but still dreading having to live through it once more.  

“All it takes is one stray bullet, one missed IED, one simple fuckin' mistake! Can you just stop being so stubborn for one second to see that I can’t risk losing you?”

Cracked fingernails dig into your scalp, pulling and scratching at your skin as though it were possible to drag the thoughts out through the ash-caked strands of your hair.  

“No more,” You wail to a vacant audience, tears breaching your lash line and cascading down dirtied cheeks, your broken body wracking with tremors where it lays discarded against debris. But the voices don’t listen, too wrapped up in an argument that ended half a decade before to hear your whimpered plea. 

“You keep assuming that I can’t handle it, that I’d keel over on the first day of training. Don’t you trust me?”

The silence that follows isn’t a sign you’ve finally been freed from your shock induced torture. It’s an eerie quiet that has haunted you for far too many years. Present in every room you occupy alone, clinging to you like a shadow, no matter how much you try to outrun it.

“You don’t trust me. Do you.”

A statement. Not a question. Even then you knew this was the beginning of the end.

“Don’t go spinnin’ this on me, this isn’t a matter of trust—”

“It’s entirely about trust, Simon, and your complete inability to feel it! God, if you’d just open up and let me help you for once then maybe we could work past this, but you’re a closed book, all the goddamn time, and I can’t fucking deal with it anymore.”

“If you join the SAS, you will never see me again.”

Succinct. To the point. Like a sniper round through the skull, one shot, leaving one body. Except his round had been doused with agony, aimed to kill with the utmost pain and suffering. Simon had always wielded the power to break you, though you never could have predicted that he’d use it.

He had been right though. The moment you recoiled, shaking hands revealing the acceptance letter you’d held clutched in a white knuckled grasp from behind your back, he'd turned, and strode straight out of the door, never to be heard from again. He left you bleeding out in the living room you once shared, your heart ripped straight from your chest, tossed unceremoniously onto the floor as though all the years he cradled it next to his amounted to nothing.

He had left you to suture the gaping hole in your torso alone, shaking hands desperately trying to fix the damage he had wrought; like a tornado, leaving nothing but devastation in its wake, not a trace of its existence once the dust settled.

And here you lie, years later, the messy stitches desperately clinging to still-raw flesh; frayed edges being the only indication any time has passed at all.

A crackle sounds from your crushed shoulder.

“-ome on Viper, do you copy? If you don’t answer in the next minute I'll call you in as MIA and take your PS5.” 

Fucking Macintosh, that little bastard.

The joints in your legs ache as you push yourself into an upright position, willing away the shake in your arms as you plant your palms to the cracked floor and shove, stumbling onto your feet with as much grace as a new-born deer. 

The voices have gone now, the room returned back to the desolate destruction you’re far more familiar with than the walls you once shared with him. With a shuddering breath, you begin to limp over loose detritus, shaking away the remaining dregs of the past with every uneven step, clearing the tear tracks from your cheeks with rough wipes of bruised knuckles.

Simon had been right about many things over the course of your relationship, many of which you still refuse to admit to this day. But you’ll make him live to regret ever doubting your ability to fight, to survive.

You are still here, alive and breathing, in spite of his damning ascertainment of your life expectancy. And more than that, you’ve managed to garner quite the reputation. A master of stealth, nimble, agile, with a strike that is nothing short of lethal. A true snake in the grass.

Your fingers come to grasp around your receiver, steely determination flowing anew through your veins.

“This is Viper, I copy.”

// Next Chapter

#simon ghost riley #ghost mw2 #cod mw22 #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #ghost x reader #simon riley imagine #ghost x you #ghost x y/n #simon riley x y/n #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley x you #The Viper Series

[yangsharperavery]

my non carmy/sydney thoughts on season 2

it's very different than the first which is interesting bc the structure they had in the kitchen last season worked so seamlessly.

i think this season was lacking that frequency and flare. i think because of that it suffered a bit. i think the viewership did too for that reason.

it was nearly impossible to recreate the magic of the first season without the constant buzz and intensity and immediacy of food service.

i do think that they still could have retained some of that energy by incorporating more demo/planning/training via the familiar staccato, regimented and frenetic pacing of the scenes WHILE also showing the more slowed down exploration of each character being pulled away to get the skills needed to advance the team and its mission.

but it's like they slowed the story telling all the way down immediately.

even opening with marcus and his ailing mother felt like such a specific and poignant choice in that vein.

almost like the theme of the season was going to be all types of grief, preemptive and reactive.

i think they dropped the ball having everyone so spread out over the course of the ENTIRE season and not making the ones that were together exist in the heightened energy we're used to from this show.

here are some things i loved about it:

•  richie's growth. i love an asshole character that is held to account, actually takes correction and impact and works to evolve and improve.

• marcus in copenhagen. he's so sweet and demure. i loved him getting the one on one attention. him exploring the city and staying on the boat. i was worried he'd be forgotten about in the story so its nice to see that someone bts fought for that not to happen.

• sydney's chicago food tour. the cinematography was STUNNING during these sequences. i read someone say that those moments felt like such a deliberate love letter to the culinary industry and i wholeheartedly agree like it made me SO happy to see.

•  the christmas bottle episode. listen. LISTEN. if you have ever lived in or been subjected to a nuclear family/household that operated like that, i know you watched that entire episode with a pit in your stomach. it was devastating and poetic and maddening and SO deeply fucking impactful. it painted the perfect picture of exactly why michael, natalie and carmy are the way they are. i SOBBED. and i lightweight think that's the episode that's giving this season such critical acclaim and the 100% on rotten tomatoes. it was SO strong and sooooo deeply harrowing.

• natalie's presence. i love her. just her being around was so comforting to to me. i enjoyed how sweet she was to fak.

• tina singing. they still underused her but i loved seeing her shine outside of her element and having the full support of her classmates. i love confidence baring moments for characters who've struggled, felt second or been ignored. that moment and sydney asking her to be sous were so special!

• the “bears are aggressive but sensitive, compassionate, deeply empathic” line. i've thought about it several times since finishing the season. because wow. also richie's dialogue about purpose. olivia coleman's character's conversation with richie about rebirth and timing. there are so many gorgeous lines that speak to the ingrained grief, brevity, import, ability and power of this human experience and all its many facets. the writer's really do SUCH a wondrous job highlighting the humanity of it's characters and their struggles, obstacles and heartache.

• the fucking chocolate banana. i absolutely CRIED. they need to stop playing around and calling this show a comedy because c'mon. that was such a good callback for cisero and richie.

•  pete crying. when i tell you that shit was so deeply powerful. to see him hurting so acutely for natalie. knowing how much he loves her and how much her mother's conditions impacted her entire life. so much so that she hadn't even known nat was pregnant. like that scene GUTTED me. the actor only had .3 scenes this season but that one was an absolute stand out.

• ayo's performance. this girl is an ACTOR. like i know she's a writer and a comedian but she is SO exquisite in the role of sydney. i'm endlessly enamored.

what i didn't like:

• them completely dropping the ball on ebra's storyline. so he disappears for WEEKS from fear and then returns and has a 3 second convo with tina? and then is all of a sudden back in an apron in the kitchen. please don't piss me off. wasteful.

• lack of gary screentime. he should have had as much screentime as fak minus the christmas episode. sidelining two of the black men was foolish and wholly unnecessary.

• the AMOUNT of claire/carmy scenes. like i totally get it. i get why it had to happen, i get the point they were trying to make and the consequences they were driving home but the sheer enormity of the claire/carmy scenes and how LONG they were was dumb. we could have been shown carmy was distracted/absent without having to see those two together for these elongated ass scenes. and them kissing in front of the fireworks? like GAG me. PLEASE BE SERIOUS RN.

• i need to see my babies breaking bread and having found family dinner at least once per season, if not more. thx.

this is just part 1, part 2 will be carmy/sydney focused.

#the bear #the bear fx #the bear spoilers #analysis #get the emmys ready!

[bullet-prooflove]

StolenMoments!Series Part Five: Gone - Vostanik Sabatino x Reader (feat: Sam Hanna)

Tagging: @kmc1989 @novamariestark @words-and-seeds

Part One: First Date - You and Nik have an unusual first date.

Part Two: Christmas in Afganistan - You and Nik reunite in Afganistan.

Part Three: Yours (NSFW) - Nik and you take the next step in your relationship.

Part Four: Last Words - Nik goes on the hunt after you're taken.

Sam finds you sitting alone on the edge of your bunk, your packed bag resting in the space alongside of you. You don’t look up when he enters, you’re too focused on the plush heated blanket that’s folded neatly upon your lap. Your fingertips toying with the edges of it.

“It was Sabatino’s.” You find yourself telling him. “He lent it to me when one of the generators broke.”

“I know you hate the cold.” He had murmured, his lips ghosting along the line of your jaw as his heated form covered yours.  “And I won’t be here over the next few weeks to keep you warm.”

You had told him that a lifetime ago, back when the two of you were sitting in a car watching Sidorov fuck his mistress. You’d been surprised he remembered. He’d laughed when you’d said that, his nose trailing over yours as he’d whispered.

“I remember everything my girl tells me.”

He’d made love to you that night for the last time. His hands threading through your hair as he kissed you. You’ll never forget the way he looked at you in that moment, like you were the most precious thing in his world, like he loved you more than life itself.

“He’s a good guy.” Sam says as he takes up residence alongside of you, his shoulder nudges against yours. “But you knew that anyway.”

You purse your lips together grimly before you tilt your head to look at him. You look like a horror show. The left side of your face is swollen, marred with hues of purple and blue. Your lip is split, and your right eye is bloodshot, the broken blood vessels stark against the white of your eye. Your nose has been reset by the medic on base and you have cracked ribs from the beating you had taken when the Taliban had first tried to interrogate you.

As soon as you had landed back at base you’d been triaged. Your injuries didn’t warrant a hospital visit. You’d been taken away to the medical tent instead while Sabatino was airlifted to Daoud Khan Military Hospital in Kabal for emergency surgery. The bullet had torn through his back and exited through his chest causing him to bleed internally, his lungs had begun to soak up the blood causing him to choke. It had been fucking devastating to watch, the man you love dying right before your eyes.

“I got word that he made it through the surgery.” Sam says quietly as he leans forward, clasping his hands together. “That man is one tough bastard.”

“He is.” You say with a small smile because the Sabatino you know never quits; it isn’t in his nature. “When can I see him?”

Sam doesn’t say anything and that’s when you realise the real reason he’s here. The words that he’s not saying.

“He’s already gone, isn’t he?” You say raising your eyes towards the ceiling as you inhale deeply.

“Yea.” Sam says quietly. “The CIA closed ranks, he was moved as soon as the surgery was completed. I don’t know where they’ve taken him.”

It’s a blow. Sam sees the impact of it as your grip on the blanket tightens, your knuckles whitening. You haven’t learned yet the sacrifice that comes with being involved with a CIA Officer, but you’re starting to. Their lives, they aren’t their own, they belong The Agency. They go where they’re told and they do the job. Sabatino, he’s an important asset, the connections he has, the operations he’s worked, the shit he knows, they can’t afford for him to be vulnerable. Sam knows it must kill you, it had killed him once upon a time when it happened with Michelle. The worst part is, he doesn’t think you understand what Sabatino was saying in the chopper, how he’s betraying the CIA by giving himself to you.

“You don’t know do you?” Sam says softly. “What he was trying to tell you in the helicopter.”

You shake your head.

He slips into Armenian sometimes when he’s emotional, when he’s in the throes of pleasure and he can’t find the words, he wants to say in English. He whispers them against your skin in the heat of the moment, saying the most beautiful things in a language you don’t understand.

“I love you.” Sam tells you in a low tone. “He was saying I love you.”

It hits you hard because in Sabatino’s final moments that’s what he would have wanted you to know, that he loved you. He had repeated it over and over again until he’d begun to drown on his own blood.

“He doesn’t know…” You trail off, your palms smoothing over the blanket.

“You never told him.” Sam states.

“No.”

Your eyes fucking sting, you pinch your brow to stave off the tears, but it’s been a traumatic twenty-four hours and right now, this conversation it’s more than you can bear. Sam’s hand comes to rest on yours, he squeezes it lightly before he sighs.

“If you go down this path, it’s going to be like this. It’s hard, loving someone like him, there’s going to be compromises, ones you don’t even see coming.” He warns you. You know he’s speaking from experience. His wife Michelle was a CIA operative when they met, she’d given it up when they had decided to start a family. “If this were a normal relationship you’d be going home to your man, he’d be taking care of you, helping you recover but it doesn’t work that way with them. They can’t be there when you need them. It hurts the both of you.”

“Was it worth it?” You ask him. “You and Michelle going through all of that?”

Sam smiles, because the years he’s had with Michelle have been the best ones of his life.

“Yea, but that included a lot of sacrifice on her part.” He tells you with a knowing look because that’s what it takes, commitment, endurance. He knows Sabatino is willing to go the distance, but the question is are you. “If you want this, write him a letter and tuck it in the folds of that blanket, sooner or later his belongings will find their way back to him.”

He raises to his feet, his hand coming to clasp your shoulder.

“You need to choose quickly.” He tells you, his eyes meeting yours. “Our ride will be here in an hour. We’re taking you home.”

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#erik palladino #ncis la #sabatino x reader #sabatino x you #Vostanik Sabatino #Vostanik Sabatino x reader #Vostanik Sabatino x you #sabatino #ncis los angeles

[swifty-fox]

okay so I’m not going to go into any details here but I just finished “what comes after” and oh. my. god. you captured the feelings of the person on the other end perfectly.

for me it wasn’t anyone as close as a husband, and I wasn’t there to see it, but they texted me one evening and I swear I just knew. and I knew they were in a pretty bad place, but I don’t think anyone had realized just how bad, and I have so many mixed feelings about all of it? And you somehow managed to write that and make it so tragic and so beautiful and. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say here. I guess I just wanted to say thank you? Thank you for treating the subject so delicately and so fairly and thank you for adding the part about Curt and how he’s there to help and I know it’s “just” fanfiction, but I need you to know how much of an impact it had on me.

so. yeah. thank you. and I’m sorry to spring this on you just like this (if it makes you uncomfortable I’m so sorry! please don’t feel like you have to respond!), I swear I’m not saying any of this to make you feel bad for me or anything. my friend is in a much better place and everything is okay. call this the incoherent ramblings of a person who should’ve gone to bed hours ago now. thank you. thank you thank you thank you thank you <3

theres three experiences in my life I pulled from for this fic

my little brother has been to a psych ward three times in my life, two in the last two years. The second time (March 2023) he called me the day before in great spirits and laughing about a childhood memory. Next day I receive a call that He's going to the hospital, drugs were involved but nobody knew anything more because he's an adult. We heard no news, couldn't contact him for Three Days. We had no idea what happened or how bad things were.

In the aftermath my baby sister and I had to drive into the city to pick his car up and bring it to my parents. She's a freshman in college and was too young to really remember my brothers first time in (I was twenty and she was twelve) and so I had to be the older sibling and tell her to rely on me. To brace herself that this probably would not be the end of the storyline with his mental health issues and she had to make peace with it and to protect herself how she could while still being there for him. I had to put my shit aside for my her and my mom and my dad. Had to be Gale.

At the same time I was fresh off a devastating breakup. I reached out that night to the ex because I thought we were still friends and got brushed off. While driving to get that damn car all i wanted was what my brain thought was my ride or die support system to be there helping me through this. All i wanted was a Curt and I didn't have one. So i gave Gale what i needed via Curt. Someone to pick up the pieces.

My grandmother passed away due to complications from colon cancer in 2020. She came down with an infection that ate away her intestines to nothing in the span of a weekend. I sat on the phone with her six states away as she lay dying on her bathroom floor. My Grandma who was my best friend my namesake wordlessly crying in my ear from pain. And I just remember thinking nobody fucking gave me the instruction manual for this. I went to bed once the ambulance came, thinking she would be okay. And by the time I woke up she was gone. And I've worked my feelings of that out through a previous fic but I definitely reached back into that experience to remember that headspace

I've been on both ends. I almost ended my life several times last year and I'm really fuckin glad I didn't cause I am having so much fun with you guys

#suicide tw #death tw #not related to the suicide tag #swiftytalks #that is to say thank you anon it means the fucking WORLD my stuff resonates

[poorlittleyaoyao]

I truly think mxtx’s intention was to set up a romance where wangxian’s appeal was one being a righteous cultivator and the other being one that fell from grace and how society and perception

both their own perception of each other/themselves and how others view them

was the thing keeping them apart and how they were going to overcome both these things

very pride and prejudice

and that IS what happened

but I think what she ended up with was something more romeo and Juliet - where the story is toted as a romance but underneath that it’s a tragedy, and the ending of mdzs is just too tragic bc the only ones who are arguably happy at the end are wangxian when the cast is so FULL

and full of people who only got unhappy endings or death

that last ramble got me thinking maybe we, the readers, have been looking at mdzs the wrong way. maybe mdzs is meant to be a tragedy and it just got popular as a romance. but I think I read or heard somewhere once that that’s the appeal of Chinese romances - a tragic ending with the implication that the lovers will be happy together in the next life

I hope it's okay that I combined the two Asks since they're so closely related! (Also--and this goes to everyone--if you're messaging me not on anon and prefer an answer privately rather than on the blog, lmk!)

This is interesting to consider, because my own issue is the opposite, I think: it's not that there are too many tragic elements in the happy romance, but that there's too much silly goofy trope stuff in the tragedy! I love tragedy. All my favorite works are tragedies! My all-time favorite TV show is S1 of The Terror, which tells us in the title card that every guy on the expedition is going to die miserably. I don't want everyone to die miserably in every work of fiction, obviously, but it's tragedy and/or hard-fought happiness that sticks with me.

So with the novel... yeah, all this tragedy happens, but it feels to me that it's pushed aside whenever it's in danger of harshing Wangxian's squee. I've already talked a bunch about Novelxian's past not seeming to impact him overmuch, in which case: why do it? Why do any of the plot itself, really, since nothing involving NMJ's murder has anything to do with Wangxian beyond NHS's prodding of MXY? Why have this elaborate tragedy of conflicting loyalties and betrayal and emotional devastation if we're just going to go "huh! well, that wraps that up!" and not engage with the fallout?

R&J's a good comparison, not because R&J isn't a tragedy (it for sure is!), but because R&J also has a lot of stuff going on and people like to argue about whether it's REALLY a romance or not. And like... it is. Of course it is. Romeo and Juliet's relationship is the relationship the text prioritizes. We aren't really meant to question the two of them prioritizing each other above all else. There are other themes going on there--to me personally, the play is a tragedy of adults failing children, because none of this would have happened if literally ANY adult had responsibly supported these kids--but the play is a tragic romance first and foremost.

But unlike MDZS, R&J doesn't skip on past the damage to other characters. Mercutio's death singlehandedly switches the play's genre from comedy to tragedy. Juliet continually struggles with the fact that Romeo killed Tybalt, even though Tybalt started it and he and Juliet don't have a relationship in the text. The play even spares some moments of reflection for Paris, even though literally nobody cares about Paris. Contrast all that with WQ and JYL barely being mentioned after their deaths, or LXC's seclusion being a nonissue. MDZS feels more like one of those weird problem plays, where a ~happy ending~ happens after so much messed-up shit that you're left going ????

MORE EMPHASIS ON THE TRAGEDY SO THE HAPPINESS FEELS BETTER, BASICALLY

#I'm specifically thinking of like... The Merchant of Venice #which has this gripping plot about a Jewish man finally lashing out against the society that's oppressed him and his people #so to many modern audiences the climax is the trial scene--which if you're sympathetic to Shylock is a tragedy #bc he is brought low and publicly humiliated and forcibly cut off from his community having already lost his daughter and his wealth #BUT SHAKESPEARE DID NOT WANT US TO QUESTION THIS EVEN A LITTLE BIT #so after the trial you get an ENTIRE FINAL ACT of the most tedious goddamn romcom nonsense put to paper #with almost zero mention of the trial even from Shylock's daughter Jessica bc Shakespeare meant this as a comedy with a fun happy ending #obviously these are not equivalent scenarios bc MDZS isn't out here contributing to centuries of antisemitism #but the TYPE of tonal dissonance is the same and the placement thereof is similar

[seph7]

My Favourite J.T. Walsh Roles

Inspired by @tequilasunrise28 and her list!

Why Me? (1990) - Chief Inspector Francis Mahoney.

The first film I ever remember seeing him in. We rented it on video sometime in '91 or '92 and I loved every second of it! I always remembered the final scenes where he's trapped with his Deputy, Leon, on the 10th floor and getting progressively more angry at the situation! The no-nonsense attitude of Mahoney will always be up there in my top three of his roles. We love a character who takes no shit!

2. Tequila Sunrise (1988) - DEA Agent Hal Maguire.

We had this on a recorded VHS tape when I was a kid, along with The Cotton Club, and I wasn't allowed to watch either because they were 18s! When I eventually did watch it I was infuriated by Kurt Russell's character, Nick Frescia, helping his drug-dealer friend, Mel Gibson's Mac, escape a prison sentence by circumventing Hal's apprehension of him. I won't say how for anyone who hasn't seen the film, but Hal was totally done dirty! Myself and @tequilasunrise28 were so outraged, we collaborated on a fanfic for him!

3. The Negotiator (1998) - Inspector Terence Niebaum.

I saw this in July 1998, which was five months after he sadly died. I was 16 and utterly loved every second of the film. Full of great actors alongside our beloved J.T., you can definitely imagine that his career would have continued to ascend into bigger roles. I remember being devastated when his memoriam appeared at the end of the film, as it was only after seeing this film that I realised all of the other films and TV I'd seen over the years had actually included him. It was a great role for him where he wasn't entirely playing a scumbag and had just succumbed to the lure of a bit of cash to lose some records.

4. The Beniker Gang (1984) - Principal Arnold M. Stoddard.

One of his earliest roles in film and the meatiest he'd had at this point. He also isn't playing a bad guy which was so utterly refreshing! I only watched this in recent months and I was utterly hooked when I did! He plays such a wholesome character and is so softly spoken when dealing with the children, it's hard not to melt a little! I can't help but wish he'd played more of these sorts of characters...

5. Crazy People (1990) - Charles F. Drucker.

Less bad guy, more cold-hearted capitalist scumbag! My favourite scene will forever be the "I wanna know how the fuck the word fuck gets in the New York fucking times!". I saw this clip on TikTok and instantly had to find a copy of the film! I have no regrets and it is one of my favourites! I was also curious as to what his character’s past would have been like as he mentions starting his advertising career in Milwaukee, and I always wondered if he started out as this money-hungry company owner...

6. A Few Good Men (1992) - Lt. Col. Matthew Andrew Markinson.

A role he actually got to choose. Definitely not a bad guy role, and another role where I feel he was kinda done dirty as he felt the need to take the final action he did. Of all the Marine characters, his was the only one with the morals to actually do the right thing, despite what he knew it would cost him.

7. Outbreak (1995) - Whitehouse Chief of Staff.

A role that only lasted around four minutes and one scene, but it made such an impact that people to this day still talk about the passionate speech he gives in defense of the people they're discussing potentially bombing out of existence. This scene has also been immortalised on YouTube people love it so much!

8. Needful Things (1993) - Danforth Keeton III.

I just love this first scene he's in. A character with an inflated sense of self-importance and a chip on his shoulder about being called 'Buster'. He's not an inherently bad character, but he has a very large gambling addiction and succumbs to the temptations of the Devil in the hopes that he can win back some town money he gambled away. As he always did, he gave this character his all, truly excelling at highlighting the weakness of the character, despite the big, bold attitude he has in the beginning.

9. Breakdown (1997) - Warren 'Red' Barr.

Another big screen role that was beginning to open doors for him, he plays the sadistic kidnapper with uncanny ease. I feel sad that I didn't get to see this in the cinema, I saw it on video a few years later along with Pleasanville. Probably the role he's most remembered for outside of Good Morning, Vietnam and A Few Good Men.

10. Red Rock West (1993) - Wayne Brown/Kevin McCord.

Less a scumbag role and more of a 'I'm out for a quiet life with my embezzled money' role. Myself and @tequilasunrise28 have always wondered if his character was taken advantage of by Lara Flynn Boyle's character and he suspected she intended to off him so wanted to do the same first. Hardly a moralistic stance, but he does display some genuine concern for the people he works with when the young deputy is killed. I'll always wish we had a bigger backstory to his character...

#j.t. walsh #jt walsh #underrated actors #red rock west #a few good men #why me? #needful things #breakdown #the negotiator #crazy people #outbreak #tequila sunrise #the beniker gang

[hella1975]

heyyy hellaa, please tell us your favorite fics of all time, from any fandom, because i wanna know what makes your brain go vroom !!

WOULD LOVE TO OKAY:

haikyuu:

three sheets to the wind by fairycake - we have sakuatsu we have found family we have pirates we have a surprisingly coherent balance of plot and fun times we have a prank war we have miya twins content we have idiotic background sunaosa we have PIRATES there is literally nothing to dislike here when i read the description of this fic i thought it would just be dumbassery but it wound up being so much more and i got so attached so quickly and the ending was just so heartfelt if i could read this again for the first time i would

burden of blame by deathbelle - OUGH the writing of this one is just. jesus christ. atsumu's characterisation? kiyoomi's characterisation? protective miya twins? the miya twins interactions themselves? if you took away the yakuza angle id be CONVINCED this was all canon bc the author just Gets the characters. maybe my fav sakuatsu fic ever

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle by kittebasu - iwaoi have entered the chat!!! one thing about me is i LOVE a good recurring metaphor, but a super niche one when you can tell the author knows their shit? respectfully i am drooling. this fic is just so raw and real and it really hit home for me and even to this day when i see it im all !!!!!! a must-read for anyone in the haikyuu fandom

jaywalkers by batman - multi-ship but im gonna say it was more gen for me than anything idk if that's just bc none of my big ships were in there (aside bokuaka <3) or if i just latched onto the gen aspects but yeah u really dont need to ship any of the couples in this to absolutely be blown away by this. like holy fucking shit. this is my last haikyuu rec but it is also my first and quite possibly my favourite fic of all time. if you read anything from this whole list, read jaywalkers. i have never had a fic impact me the way this did and ive never come back to a fic so many times as i have this one bc im very much one of those people that once ive read something i dont get much enjoyment from rereading it no matter how much i like it. but idk something about jaywalkers has me in a complete fucking chokehold and has done since i read it over a year ago. the way this author writes is just so effortlessly human? like it's funny and realistic and messy and in-character and BECAUSE it's got so much dumbassery it really hits you out of nowhere when the deeper shit comes in, but it still works perfectly. ive never seen a writer so perfectly capture humanity before. whenever im struggling to flesh characters out, i return to this work and see all the effortless ways this author does that, whether it be through kei's headphones or kuroo's hair or oikawa's chameleon or every tiny tiny detail that is important enough to warrant a mention bc it's what makes these characters real. im just. god. yeah. also the final author's notes actually made me tear up

jujutsu kaisen:

found in translation by hiraethia - kai kai kai kai. GOD all of kai's fics absolutely gut me but this one just really stuck with me. kai's got such a specific writing style where she just makes really poignant and beautiful metaphors flow very easily, so it's never jarringly deep until you actually take a second to think about what you just read and you're like what the fuck and then it very much IS that deep, and that means kai gets a perfect balance of fluff and fun as well as just heart-wrenching tear your hair out kind of angst, which ofc works perfectly for satosugu

two drifters, off to see the world by quietkids - you have to have a pretty strong stomach when it comes to angst if you're gonna ship satosugu and id say i qualify for that and i also very very very rarely cry over fics, but my god something about this fic just destroyed me. im too scared to read it again. i cannot even comprehend how devastated i was upon finishing this like it wasn't even the gross loud sobbing kind of devastated it was just this awful ache that followed me around for DAYS and that takes so so so much talent any and all kudos go to this author. the thing about college-era satosugu fics that anhialates me so much is the helplessness of it. it's all so tragic and 'there is no other version of this story'. you watch them try so hard to make it work and every time without fail you know it all goes wrong anyway, the love was there but it wasn't enough. and somehow this author just grabbed that sentiment and put it into words and i just. OW

at the end of the world by freckledgeto - hi two of the bestest jjk writers are my mutuals and im bragging about it. alia wrote the itafushi (+first year trio friendship) roadtrip au specifically to hurt me im sure of it. not to get into the incredible writing parallels of jjk, but just like their predecessors, itafushi is all about that helplessness, the knowledge of how this is going to end and still trying to fight it, but while satosugu is usually very deep and dark and heavy, itafushi are the younger, fresher version, and alia writes to accommodate that so seamlessly. it's fun and silly and they're so clearly KIDS in it, and it makes it all the more heartbreaking when it stops being so fun and silly. specifically itadori's character is done beautifully in this fic, but also megumi's characterisation gave me an entire new angle on him that id never had before. the whole thing makes me want to punch a wall

atla:

where the stars do not take sides by witchofendor - honestly any fic by this author is always so well-thought out like the worldbuilding is always INCREDIBLE, but i just lovedddd this fire siblings in this and just the whole concept of it. this is my canon. i actually really want to reread this fic when i get a chance

blue by blacklipscurse - this will always always be THE zukka fic in my opinion like just JKSHGKJSHDGJH i miss when this was updating. the zuko characterisation in this is beautiful zuko and iroh's relationship is beautiful but also one thing that really stuck with me from this fic is the fire nation girls' characterisation? like ive NEVER seen a fic get azula like this but also TY LEE really stuck out to me. like she WOULD be so terrifying with her cheerfulness while she literally attacked you and this is the first time i actually felt that

feels like we only go backwards by oldpotatoe - RUBY WE MISS YOU <3 the writing of this fic is absolutely exceptional like there's a reason this fic gets so much hype. the angst? the romance? the slowburn? the falling in love twice over? the sokka and katara moments? give it to me straight into my veins pls

ozymandias king of kings by think_of_a_wonderful_thought - the first zukka fic i ever read and it's really stuck with me. ive said before but this fic really inspired me and is the reason a lot of taob is the way that it is. i LOVE zuko's characterisation in this bc he's different to canon but in a way that makes perfect sense with the divergence we're given. i also really liked hakoda in this? like not that he was being mean to zuko but just that the author wasnt scared to make him a good leader in a REALISTIC way, aka very cynical towards a fire nation prince. you'd think it would be obvious but people get very aggy when you're mean to zuko lol

salvage by muffinlance - obligatory mention <3 beloved fic <3 what to say about salvage that hasn't been said before. it's just an absolute staple of the atla fandom and CREATED its own trope that i very much capitalised off. i just think the whole concept is so so brilliant and it's such a heartfelt fic. it'll always have a very special place in my heart

#missing so many fics that i love in order to make this pretty short but oh well #i read in other fandoms but it's just these three that seem to churn out the real chokehold fics #i also avoided one-shots for this list #here u go <3 #ask #fic recs #haikyuu #jjk #atla

[moonjxsung]

star i know i dmed u about this but like i cant. i cant. AAADSJDJDADJSDKJDJDDS I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABT THE CONCERT (ISABEL LAROSA + ARI ABDUL GODS WATCHING TOUR!!!) I WENT TO YESTERDAY

I GOT THERE AT THE VENUE AND FOR SOME REASON EEVRYTHING WAS DELAYED BY AN HOUR AND I DONT . I DONT KNOW I WAS DEVASTATED I WAS LIKE SHIT I CANT EVEN SEE THE SECOND PERSON PERFORMING (IT WAS A DUAL TOUR) AD IW AS SO SAD BUT SOMEHOW. BY SOME MIRACLE. MY DAD TEXTED ME AND WAS LIKE "IM SO TIRED PLZ COME USING THE TRAIN" HOLY SHIT. I COULD STAY AS LONG AS I WATN AS LONG AS I COULD DRIVE THE LIE EVEN FURTHER WITH MY MOM. AND THATI EXACTYL DID!!@#!@#!@# I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE SO EXCITED AND HAPPY ABOUT LYING BUT IM JUST. HAPPY I GOT THIS EXPERIENCE INT EHE FIRST PLACE. LIKE THIS WAS THE BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME. I GET TO GO HOME BY MYSELF, I DONT GET CALLED BY MY PARENTS, I GET TO SEE (ALMOST) THE ENTIRE SHOW, I GET FRONT ROW VIEW?? LIKE IT WAS LITERALLY THE BES TPOSSIBLE OUTCOME AND I THINK PERAHPS IT WAS A REWARD FOR THE SHITTY WEEK IVE HAD THIS ENTIRE WEEK. YETSERDAY SINGLEHANDEDLY MADE UP FOR IT. I LEFT THE VENUE AROUND 11:40 PM ISH??? AND GOT HOME AROUND 1 AM LMFAO how was i not questioned at all idk. i dont wanna jinx it like what if my mom asks me today abt everything i did. but also what the fuck how was i able to get away with such a big lie WHILE keeping it for HOURS???????????? HOURS PAST THE TIME I SAID ID BE OUT?!?!? no but like i cant beleive that these people are REAL like wym iw as in the same ROOM AS THEM? IC ANT. I CANNOT! the first girl (isabel) was BEAUTIFUL like ic ouldnt stop staring at her at all she was GLOWING. the crowd was lowkey fake and dead af tho.....like live in the moment stop staring at your phones tryna get aperfect fancam of her this aint a kpop concert!!!!!!!!! you came here FOR her not a recording of her!!!!!! well i undertsad the recording part bcs i was recordin gtoo but liek NO ONE WAS JUMPING OR SINGING ALONG OTEHR THAN ME BASICALLY AD IW AS LIKE WTF?!?! i love her older music so when she performed one of my favorites (heaven) i almost cried out of joy. but the crowd wasnt evenr ecording or singing along so i hope they were at least admiring her in person bcs she truly looked heavenly. like an angel. the white spotlight was shining down on her and she looked liek she had WINGS bro. i cant believve i got to see this live. INCLUDING ONE OF HER UNRELEASED SONGS THAT IM JUST SO IMPANTIENT FOR. NOW I HAVE AN UNOFFICIAL RECORDING OF THE ENTIRE SONG FOR ME TO LISTEN TO UNTILT HE ACTUAL RELEASE! i actually like her older songs a lot and one of my faves from her next to heaven is closer but she never performed that </3 i guess it was never on the setlist and she never performed it live pensive emoji stop i said i was near the stage nad i ltierally was like i dmed u the video of one of the girls (ari) TOUCHING MY HAND .. WHAT THE FUCL. I ALMOST ORGASMED HER VOICE IS SO HOT SED HELP stop her normal speaking voice made me DIZZY. it was raspy and lowkey deep and so like. so. it was giving dominant. why was she speaking liek that thru the mic do you want me to explode in my pants . someone needs to study me and my infatuation w women that have sexy deep voices like i also am heavily obsessed with fu hua from honkai impact bcs her voice is so hot and Ugh okay lets not get into the voice kink (guess my skz bias if u couldnt already from my previous asks .) BRO SHE STARTED TAKING OFF HER TIE TOO I ALSO SENT U THAT CLIP LIKE IAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOKAJOASKOAKOAOKOkookakokoakoakokaskodaidjaddsk

while i was buying merch before i left (i had to leave before the last two songs from ari, one of them being my faves </3 bcs i didnt wanna risk it any further) i was telling the girl by the stand that i had to be discreet bcs my paretns did Nawt know i was at a concert and some girl w her mom overheard and laughed and we made small talk and her mom was like "dont even worry about sneaking out for a concert, ive done worse as a kid. im glad you were able to give yourself this experience bcs we only live once" and i was like 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 damn some validation from a mother that isn't even mine surely feels nice. ANYWAYS. i got a signed photobook from them! i really wanted a shirt w the tourdates but alas my paretns once again dont know i was at hte concert and they are also religious as fuck and im pretty sure any shirt that mentions god in a nonreligious context would get my ass beat. Im still in disbelief like how did i even get away with this i cant believe it. also im crying bcs in order to drive the "conference" image, i went dressed in a whole business formal outfit LMFAOFOOFO you kow that meme that slike "me at my wedding vs me at some other event" with that guy. yeah that was me. me at my wedding (in my pjs) vs me at the gods watching tour (in an all black blazer outfit)

anyways yeah thank you for the lil pep talk you gave me and your comments on it <3 im glad i took the risk and went and therefore i had to tell you everything about it.

SPEAKING OF CONCERTS I SAW THAT U GOT LOLLAPALOOZA TICKETS!!! CONGRATSSSSS I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN WHEN YOU GO!

- 💫

HELDPDOSKKEMFKFKEKRKJRKTT THE LAST PART OF THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD W YOUR REFERENCE TO THE MEME W THE SUIT AND RHE CASUAL DRESS PLEELWKKSKXKEEO THATS SO REAL 😭😭😭😭 NO but real talk im so fucking glad you went AND that everything somehow worked out in your favor????? YOUR DAD COINCIDENTALLY GETTING TIRED HOLY FUCKKKKK I always feel bad when something happens where I can’t be 100% honest with my parents but like that lady said it’s literally worth it because it’s a once in a lifetime thing!!!! When I first bought tickets to see bts and booked my hotel and flight and everything I told my parents nothing but the bank called about the charges and they found out and I felt soooo bad but I literally regret NOTHING like concerts are such a fleeting thing and you gotta take advantage and GO when you can!!!! Holy fuck dude though I can’t believe you got that CLOSE to them??? AND GOT AN UNRELEASED SONG???? I do know Isabel from tik tok her music’s GOOOOOD (she’s always the audio in those hot ass skz edits djkekekckdkdkd) BUT I CANT BELIEVE YOU GOT TO BE SO CLOSE TO THEM also getting a signed photobook????!:!:!:!!:!:!:!.! YOU WON SOOOO GOOD BESTIE 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 IM SO GLAD YOU WENTTTT I hope you’re able to take advantage of whenever you have special opportunities and that you always get this lucky!!!! Don’t feel guilty about lying either one day these years will be mere memories and you got out of it clean so relax and celebrate bc YOU GOT TO BE SOOO CLOSE TO YOUR FAV FUCKING ARTISTS HOW COOL IS THAT……… ILY BBY MANIFESTING MORE MOMENTS LIKE THESE FOR U IN THE FUTURE 🫶💓💖💞💘🩷💕

#💫 anon #ask

[carrot-gallery]

i NEED to rant about how badly andrew haigh whiffed the ending of All Of Us Strangers

spoilers ahead

WHAT THE LIVING CHRIST

Okay so not only is Harry dead, but he’s been dead the entire time since right after their first meeting and the whole relationship, the one that supposedly HELPED ADAM MOVE ON and ACCEPT LOVE rather than self-isolating forever was a fucking fever dream???

This movie really had something to say about how new love can make you finally feel the grief of old losses and make you vulnerable and it almost said it SO WELL and allowed Adam to find catharsis and grow and fucking join society

BUT THEN they were like haha sike!! It was ghosts all the way down!! Fucking ghost party motherfuckers!! Nobody was ever alive after minute 10 of the movie except for the increasingly unwell main character!

And the fucking nonsensical ending acts like this is some happy moment of catharsis and unknotting Adam’s trauma— NOT IF ALL THAT SHIT WAS FUCKIGN FAKE IT’S NOT!

You’re telling me a terminally lonely person has a chance encounter with a cute guy who talks about his own loneliness and jokes about suicide and is drinking and asking for company. Okay, not inviting him into your apartment is totally reasonable. But to later find out he KILLED HIMSELF THAT NIGHT????? And ROTTED ALONE THERE FOR WEEKS???? Immediately after you closed your door in his face???? No sane person on Earth wouldn’t be fuckign devastated by that. You would blame yourself. You would be horrified. You would beat yourself up for not at least offering to call someone or having a conversation with him or SOMETHING.

Now is Harry’s death actually Adam’s fault? No, Harry clearly had his own mental health issues. But to go cuddle with his GHOST instead of CALLING THE POLICE????? After you DISCOVER HIS BODY and significantly disturb an ACTIVE CRIME SCENE where he DIED????? That tells me that Adam is deeply, deeply unwell and needs to go to the hospital. This is no longer about his personal journey, he is someone who is NOT OKAY and not in touch with reality.

All the stuff with his parents could have been so beautiful and poignant and moving if at the end Adam had returned to the real world and worked on overcoming his loner tendencies and becoming a part of society. Even if he & Harry hadn’t ended up working out!!! The impact of the relationship would still have had an impact & taught him something & helped him grow. (You know how the characters in Weekend (2011) did, remember that one Andrew?? That movie that YOU ALSO FUCKIGN DIRECTED???)

But to reveal that Adam was never actually having this relationship at all?????? The relationship that his dead mom’s last words were about???? That makes the entire movie pointless to me. Because he didn’t let love into his life & learn & grow & move on. He ends the movie back in a delusion, holding another ghost, asking another figment of his imagination to stay with him a little longer.

Combined with the fever / coughing imagery i GENUINELY wondered at one point whether it’d be revealed that he has like a brain parasite, or he’s actually in jail or a mental asylum imagining this entire thing, or maybe he’s been dead the whole time and is living in some purgatory or a fucked up version of heaven or something.

Andrew Haigh clearly wanted my takeaway from this movie to be “wow he finally let love into his heart” NO!!!!! My takeaway is that he needs to get professional help because he spent the entire runtime of the movie in a state of ACUTE psychosis.

I’ve heard the movie described as having “magical realism” NO!!! That only applies when some parts of the story are ACTUALLY CONCRETELY REAL for everything else to bounce off of! And for 90% of the movie they did this so so so so well and then in the final 10 minutes it’s like!!! Okay well I guess he didn’t go to the nightclub and try ketamine! I guess he didn’t have sex or watch shitty tv or open up to someone about his life! I guess he didn’t heal! For all we know he didn’t even take the train to his parents’ house! Maybe he never even left the apartment! Maybe he doesn’t even live in London!

SUCH a compelling premise with absolutely piss-poor execution. This rivals my disappointment in the final half hour of the Green Knight movie from a few years ago. Let’s just take this carefully constructed story and throw it in the absolute trash so it completely loses the message it was created to tell in the first goddamn place. And for what!!!! For a twist ending???? To be edgy?????? I’m gonna physically fight Andrew Haigh ESPECIALLY because Weekend (2011) was SO GOOD and actually delivered the message its story was intending to tell so I KNOW he can do better I KNOW that fucker can do it right but instead he chose to write Yurtle the Turtle but with Ghosts. The movie didn’t even get any big awards nominations so WHAT was the point TELL ME what the fucking point was of having Harry be dead the whole time. Give me an explanation aside from “ooh spooky” I swear to god *flips table*

#rant #all of us strangers #andrew haigh #andrew scott #film rants #sometimes i wish i could get my film major ex back for like 2 hours so we could swap opinions about movies like this

[night-market-if]

I just read through the early release for chapter 9 and it really is a tear-jerker!

-SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 9 (but I do still try to be vague!)-

It's also a complete moral conundrum that literally made steam come out of my ears as I weighed up the MC's options!

I tried to be logical and sensible first (but your detailed descriptions of the emotions involved made that SO difficult). When I chose to act in service of the greater good, I had immediate regrets, thinking "no, nope, that's immediately not good, not good at all!" (But it had such a shocking impact on the market and the plot... I've saved my spot there, if only to see how that choice plays out. I was devastated, with a side of the kind of curiousity that killed the cat.)

Choosing to follow my heart instead made me feel slightly less rattled, but the deep uncertainty of doing so story wise was ALSO immediately not good either! At least MC's relationship with our blue-eyed man is intact with that choice... still! It's a cold comfort because I'm scared! Milo says he's scared, BRO I'm the one who's shaking in my boots! MC is making big moves here! This chapter's decisions literally have the most impact on the market and story so far!

On another note: I also really appreciated the ending scene with Milo. Having Milo open up was so cathartic and needed. It was great to get a better understanding of where his head is. Having it in this chapter also felt well timed- like, I was yearning for it but I knew rushing him to open up would not be satisfying or true to his character.

In summary, my heart is totally BROKEN, but it was so compelling ❤🎉

Thank you! I've been pretty quiet the last few days, getting caught up on my reading and hanging out with the kiddos, but I had to stop and answer this one.

The morality of this chapter is going to hold weight. Your decision in that scene might be one of the biggest ones to change certain characters and the surrounding world. Now, you potentially won't see that change until Book 2 because shit is about to hit the fan and the domino effect is about to start going. We have after this one, only three chapter left and each chapter has such a big moment in it that this decision is going to marinate. Which, honestly, it would in real life too. It wouldn't be an overnight change in the market. But, there will be change and it is a change (give you making a certain choice) that I have been waiting for the payoff of since chapter one.

I also think that this has the most impact emotionally on Gabriel and Hazel (depending on if you take her or not). That choice and what happens following that is huge.

And while Milo isn't affected by this now, something he does in the future will be a call back to this moment and how the MC responded will be fresh in his mind.

I am so glad you liked it! This was by far the chapter I have been most nervous about given EVERYTHING that went into it. But it makes me so excited for whats to come.

🪷✨🪷✨ If you want to support me 🪷 ✨🪷✨

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#the night market #chapter nine #the ro's #the mc #book 1 #book 2 #early release

[ahsokatanos-lightsabertechnique]

A Clint Barton Appreciation Essay/Analysis

Disclaimer: Hey! Movie Clint wasn’t great! MCU Hawkeye is a disservice to Jeremy Renner and Clint Barton. Kind of unfortunate casting in my opinion, bc I love Jeremy Renner and I love comics! Hawkeye.

Clint Barton’s life started out normally. And by normally I mean it started out sucky (how much suck-ier it got after that was not normal, and arguably spiraling into increasing levels of suck is Clint Barton’s superpower). He and his older brother, Barney, were regularly beaten by the drunken waste of a human they called a father. Their mother was caught in the same situation, so it’s not really fair to call her out (and I’m not trying to!). However, it’s worth noting that the boys didn’t get much protection from her either (not trying to victim-shame, just saying the dynamics of the situation had an impact on Clint and his brother). One day his father beat him so badly that he lost most of his hearing. Not long after this, his parents died in a car crash (his father was driving drunk, big surprise), and the boys were kicked into the foster system. That was a mess. Enough said. So, at this point, Clint has never known any adults that didn’t let him down somehow. Actually, scratch that, he never lived with an adult that didn’t abuse him in some way or another. Eventually the foster system was so bad that they ran away and joined a nearby circus. They were taken in by two acts called the Swordsman and Trick Shot. The boys were trained by the two men, and for a short period things went well for Clint, since he found something he was really really good at (arrows and throwing knives, yippee) and was praised for it. This didn’t last long though, since Swordsman and Trick Shot were both criminals that were using the boys to make more money in their theft/gambling/racketeering/etc. ventures. Depending on which comics you read, each one tried to kill Clint when he wouldn’t do the crime thing, betrayed him, left him, or some combo thereof. His brother, Barney, did the same. This was particularly devastating to Clint because Barney had been the only real family that had, at any point, loved and protected him. 

That was just his CHILDHOOD. What happens after is long and complicated, and we won’t go into that here. The point is, all of his personal relationships fail (with the exception of Kate Bishop). Why? Well, after all that shit that went down before the age of, like, twelve, Clint doesn’t trust anyone. He doesn’t trust himself. He has a deep-seated case of insecurity and self-hatred. He doesn’t trust other people that get close because, of course, they’ll hurt him and then leave him. The self-hatred, in my opinion, is because all of those people that abused and betrayed him told him that their actions were HIS fault. I think he knows logically that they aren’t, but on some level, he thinks they’re right. He can’t have a meaningful relationship of any kind when every instinct, conscious or not, screams to show the other person how horrible he is before they do any damage. They can’t blame what they do on him if they already know what a piece of shit he is, right? It’s not his fault if they leave. But then they do, and it hurts anyway, because he’s lied to them or cheated on them, and when they leave they blame him. Because this time it actually was his fault. “Burn them before they burn me” only ever works in theory, never in practice. His self-sabotage is an especially toxic defense mechanism. Paired with a spectacular case of commitment-phobia, it means that he has no one. No one. Absolutely nobody. He knows the Avengers from work. He knows some people in passing. But he is alone in the world. If he was dying, the only people that would care would also be just so tired of him, because they love a person that has made himself impossible to love. And, being people trying to make good relationship decisions, they’ve not only left him. They’ve given up on him. He has made himself unlovable, and sees believes that he’s a living disease to anything good. At least, this is how he sees his relationships.

It’s horrible, but also absurdly ironic. He’s not walking trash. He’s a golden retriever of a man that would help a fucking CRICKET cross the street. When a dog gets hit by a car because its owners are assholes, he willingly GETS SHOT to get to the dog, take it to the vet, and save its life. He then proceeds (after being beaten to hell, shot, and bled/dripped on from dragging a soaking wet and bleeding dog for god knows how long through the rain) to kick the ever-loving shit out of the people that owned the dog. Not because they’re mafia. Not because they hit him or hurt him. Because of the DOG. He spends every spare moment of his time and money fighting to keep his neighbors from being forced into homelessness by the crime lords that own their building. He hates himself so intensely, blames himself for every time he fails to help someone so completely, that he is totally blind to the fact that he is beloved. The man is a goddamn saint in every way that matters. He’s painfully flawed and ridiculously kind. 

To top this all off, he deals not only with emotional insecurity but also with physical and professional insecurity. He’s an Avenger. The man is so fucking lame. He shoots stuff with arrows. And then gets whaled on by aliens and gods and science experiments and lands in traction in the hospital AGAIN while everyone else drop-kicks the bad guys into the sun or whatever. That’s how he sees himself. He’s useless, a pity case. Nope. Nope nope nope. He’s so far past olympic-level athlete it isn’t even funny. He’s clever. He really is more accurate with projectile weapons than ANYONE ELSE IN MARVEL COMICS. That’s the most dope thing. It’s a simple thing, and it isn’t spectacular, and any person can shoot a bow and learn gymnastics. It isn’t about WHAT he’s doing. It’s about the LEVEL HE’S DOING IT AT. Sure, he’s no Thor, but he can hold his own against the vast majority of Marvel characters. It isn’t flashy, and he’ll look like he’s gone through a meat tenderizer (with a concussion thrown in for good measure), and he’ll probably look ridiculous doing it, but! The man is human. No super soldier serum. No magic. No super-human abilities. He’s the very personification of humanity in a league of people that aren’t really human anymore (if they ever were). Like, if anyone was ever to be an avenger in real life…they’d be Clint. But maybe not with a bow and arrow (we must allow some whimsy in our comics, after all). He’s amazing because of what he can do, sure. But what makes him truly wonderful is how hard he’s trying. He’s given up on himself, but every day he tries, and tries, and tries. He takes out his hearing aids and closes his eyes every now and then, because he just can’t bring himself to face any consequences that day. Sometimes he just lives off of coffee. There are days where he just lies on the floor and doesn’t move. But he drags himself out of bed, drags himself out the door, drags himself through LIFE simply because he cannot resist the ever-present impulse to make it a better place. And in so many ways, at least all the ways that matter, that is the most deeply human way to be good. I’m not saying he’s the best avenger, but you know what, fuck that, he’s my favorite. 

#I feel really strongly about this okay #Hawkeye #Clint Barton #marvel comics #matt fraction #matt fraction's hawkeye #maybe spoilers? #spoilers if you plan on reading up on clint barton's backhistory from scratch #I think this backstory is pretty established/common knowledge at this point tho #but just in case #clint barton appreciation #minor pizza dog #comics hawkeye #comics #sorry not sorry this is so long #i love him so