#and like. okay it basically stems from how i was the only one who put in effort into maintaining our friendship after | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

godslino · 3 months

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MIGRATION | bang chan first date series. strangers to lovers.

pairing: bang chan x fem!reader word count: 5.5k genre: fluff, romance, falling in love at first sight summary: you've never been lucky when it comes to dating, but a blind date with chan just might turn that around

author’s note: hello and welcome to my first date series!! i seriously had so much fun writing this and i’m so excited to continue with the other members. i hope you all enjoy! if you liked it, please remember that any and all feedback is appreciated!! happy reading <3

“So…I know a guy.”

You groan, throwing your head back against the cushion of the booth you’re currently shoved into. Changbin drops his fork to gesture at you with his hand, a look of exasperation on his face.

“Come on, I haven’t even said anything yet!”

“The problem is that you’ve said anything at all.” You say, glaring at him as you reach for your drink.

Changbin, as much as you love him, is notorious for being the worst wing man in the history of wing men. His most recent pick, Jooyoung, was a friend of his from high school. A freelance writer, the owner of a snazzy apartment in one of the more sophisticated districts of Seoul, and conveniently single. They’d recently reconnected after a mutual friend threw a party that they both went to, and he was ecstatic to try and set the two of you up.

You’d been reluctant, rightfully so, but Changbin is anything but a quitter and you also just so happen to be the world’s biggest pushover (his pout is just too good, okay?), so you’d agreed on the off chance that it just might work out.

Long story short, it didn’t.

Jooyoung was probably the biggest asshole you’d ever been on a date with. Not that you were surprised, though. Changbin’s circle of friends when he was younger mainly consisted of grade-A douchebags who were born with a golden spoon in their mouths. Perks of being born into a wealthy family and attending one of the most elite private schools in the country, apparently. Changbin had attended a university on the outskirts of Seoul for a reason. Lesser known, laid back—to study music of all things—and the sole reason for his father’s headache, as he’d put it. That’s where he met you.

“Okay, but I think this guy might be the one.” He makes air quotes around the two words, and you scoff as you cross your arms.

“And what would you know about that?”

“Um, a lot? You’re my best friend, I know exactly what you’re looking for.”

This is the part where things go south—or so you assume. Changbin puts on the puppy eyes, jutting his bottom lip out to hell as he stares at you from across the table. You glare at him dead on, unwavering. He won’t get you this time. Not over your dead body.

“At least let me tell you about him?”

“No.”

“I met him at the company. He makes music just like me, only slightly better. And you know how I am, I don’t just say that stuff. That means he’s really good.”

Choosing to ignore him, you go back to poking at your noodles.

“He’s from Australia. Born here, moved there when he was young, then moved back to pursue music. Kinda ballsy if you ask me. But he speaks English, so at least communication won’t be as much of an issue as other guys.”

A small crack in your composure. The idea of this guy growing up somewhere other than Korea is…pretty intriguing.

Despite moving here three years ago for school, it’s still kind of hard to communicate when your Korean could be more polished than it is. You’d basically kept to yourself for the first year until you met Changbin. He’d easily integrated you into his group of other music majors, even though you stuck out like a sore thumb as both a foreigner and a stem major. But if it weren’t for him, you think that you might’ve hauled ass back home a long time ago due to the isolation. So to be introduced to someone who can speak english, under the prospect of possibly dating them, sparks a bit more interest.

Changbin notices the slight twitch of your brow and smirks, one side of his mouth pulling downwards. Bastard.

“Hmm, what else? Oh! Dude’s got a killer set of dimples. You’re into that, aren’t you? You used to go on and on about that younger guy in your physics class during senior year. What was his name—Jeongsuk? Jeong—Jinyoung? Jeongin! It was Jeongin.” Changbin snaps his fingers like he’s impressed with his own memory, pointing at you as you fix him with a blank stare. “He has dimplessss.” He sing-songs for emphasis.

And, really, this should not be the breaking point. You’re better than this. You’re not so shallow that you would throw away your pride for a man you’ve never met—let alone never seen before—all because he has dimples.

But, once again, you’re a pushover. A big one. So yeah, fuck it.

“What’s his name?”

Changbin blinks like he wasn’t expecting you to fall for it. “Seriously? That’s what got you?”

“You have five seconds to tell me his name before I change my mind.”

He scoffs, mouth agape. “I went as far as disregarding my own talents to play up this guy and his music making abilities—”

“Five.”

“—tried to give you a little bit of a backstory, too—”

“Four.”

“—and the dimples are the final nail in the coffin?”

“Three.”

“Chan! His name is Chan. God. Just—stop counting. It freaks me out.”

Chan. You throw the name around in your brain for a bit, pointedly ignoring the way Changbin is whining about how you sound like his mother when you do the whole number thing. It’s kind of…cute. Not enough to conjure up an idea of what he might look like, but putting a name to a faceless stranger with dimples in your head is gonna have to do for now.

“You swear this guy is normal?”

Changbin rolls his eyes. “Define normal.”

“Okay, let me rephrase myself,” you push your plate forward, laying your forearms on the table as an indicator that you’re serious, “Is he an asshole?”

“No.”

“Hm. Okay. So that’s a maybe.”

“What the fuck? I just said no.”

“Yeah? You also set me up with Jooyoung, remember? The guy who literally started flirting with the waitress right in front of me five minutes into our date? And then proceeded to yell at her when his fries weren’t salted?”

“How was I supposed to know…” Changbin mumbles, looking off to the side guiltily.

“Nevermind. Just—if this goes bad, I’m blaming you. And then I’m never going on a blind date with one of your friends again. Matter of fact, I’m never going on a date again, period. Deal?”

Changbin grins, the apples of his cheeks shiny under the restaurant lighting. He holds his hand out for you to shake, and you take it hesitantly, grimacing when he uses his strength to jostle your arm like a ragdoll.

“Deal.”

🎥🍿

Any hope you had for the date going smoothly starts to dwindle once Chan texts you the day of.

You’d gotten his number from Changbin, who had so kindly already given Chan your number before he’d even broached the subject with you. The resulting lecture about privacy and consent may or may not have extended the rest of your time at the restaurant, a sheepish Changbin rubbing at the back of his neck while you berated him for his lack of common sense.

When your phone buzzes on your bathroom counter, Chan’s name flashing across the screen, you mistakenly think that he might be messaging because he’s early. Which, given the fact that you were standing in nothing but a towel, hair still wet from your shower and face covered in moisturizer you hadn’t rubbed into your skin yet, would be less than ideal.

Chan [12:32p.m.]

Hey! I’m really sorry to have to do this, but can we push the date back an hour?

Something came up at the studio

I tried to get out of it but I have a deadline to meet, client probably won’t be too happy of their track isn’t done on time

Great. Already off to a rough start.

In his defense though, you appreciate the fact that he’s messaged a whopping two hours in advance. Most people probably wouldn’t be bothered to allow that much of a grace period.

You [2:33p.m.]

no worries!!!

you didn’t buy the tickets yet, did you?

Chan [2:34p.m.]

Nope! So we should be fine

I’ll purchase them for 6 and then be there to scoop you up around 5:30 if that’s cool?

You [2:36p.m.]

sounds perfect

hope stuff goes well at the studio!!

Chan [2:40p.m.]

You’re sweet

Thank you, I’ll see you soon :)

You’re sweet. You stare at the words on the screen, your brain buffering for a moment. A big fat loading circle floating above your head.

Suddenly it’s way too hot in the bathroom. You blame the fact that you shower with the water cranked all the way up to boiling, because really there’s no other explanation for the warmth spreading throughout your cheeks.

To be fair, it’s been almost a year now since you’ve had any sort of positive interaction with another male. On one hand, your last relationship ended in a ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ ordeal that most definitely gave the impression that it was you. On the other hand, most of the dates you’ve been on have ruined themselves within the first five minutes, never really giving you the chance to feel any sort of connection. Cocky attitudes, overly pushy encounters, and even someone who walked into the cafe you were seated at, took one look at you, and walked right back out. That one still hurts.

It’s a little sad that Chan is the only guy out of the mix whose elicited any sort of reaction out of you. Especially since you haven’t even met him yet.

The extra hour that you have to compensate for flies by a lot quicker than you expect, and before you know it Chan is messaging that he’s five minutes away.

You take one last glance in the mirror: a pair of light wash jeans that sit right above your hips, black halter top bodysuit, and a thin cream colored cardigan to tie it all together. Simple and cute. A movie date doesn’t really call for all the dramatics, and you’d hate to overdress for a first impression.

You’re in the middle of reapplying your chapstick when the doorbell rings.

Take it easy, you say to yourself, inhaling deeply as you reach for the door handle. You let the air out with one final huff, swinging the door open only to be met by a bouquet of daisies directly in front of your face.

You blink in surprise. Well that’s a first. Before you get a chance to speak, the bouquet is being lowered, and the moment Chan’s face comes into view causes a small gasp to fall from your lips.

He’s…cute. Beautiful, even. A bright smile, dimples that tuck themselves into his laugh lines as his eyes disappear into crescents much like the moon, and lips that make your head spin when his tongue darts out to wet them nervously. His hair falls messily across his forehead in a faded hue of purple with hints of brown, definitely unconventional and an obvious result of one too many washes, but he makes it work. He makes it work well.

He clears his throat, brings a fist up to his mouth to emphasize it, and then grins. “Hi there.”

It takes a second for your brain to catch up. Even his voice is attractive. He’s using english, which leads you to assume that Changbin has already told him that you’re not from here. His accent is there, not too noticeable but also strong enough to be picked up on.

“Hey.” You smile, rubbing a hand up and down your arm.

“These are for you. I, uh, as an apology for being late. Is it too much?”

You shake your head quickly. “No! No, these are—they’re beautiful. I love them. Thank you…Chan.” His name rolls off your tongue hesitantly, but it all disappears as soon as he flashes that smile again.

“Good, I’m glad,” his voice catches the breathy end of the laugh he lets out, “This is weird, isn’t it? I’m sorry, I don’t really do well with this kind of stuff. But you look really nice, and I’m excited. My car is parked just out front if you’re ready to go.”

Honest. Awkward. A laugh that makes you want to hear it over and over again. You were sold the minute his eyes met yours. Chan offers his elbow for you to take like you’re in some cheesy romance movie from your childhood.

Yeah. This one is definitely gonna go well.

🎥🍿

Chan might not show it, but he’s just as nervous as you are.

You wouldn’t be able to tell at first glance that he spent an entire forty-five minutes deciding on an outfit, only to settle with some jeans and a white shirt, a jacket thrown on top for some color.

When Changbin first proposed the idea of going on a date with you, he was adamant that he wasn’t looking for anything right now. But as soon as you opened the door, eyes wide and looking like the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, he’s glad he said yes.

“So what movie are we seeing?” you ask, frowning when Chan laughs. “What? What’s funny?”

“It’s a surprise.” He smiles, rushing forward to hold the door of the car open for you. When he puts his hand against the top part to block your head, you have to suppress the smattering of butterfly wings that start to clamor against your ribcage.

Chan is sweet. He double checks that you’re buckled in before driving off, he asks if there’s any specific music you want to listen to before foregoing it all entirely to ask about you instead, he listens with an attentiveness that has you feeling seen and heard, and he smiles with such genuinity and warmth that you feel cold once it disappears. You stare at him in awe, like he’s a figment of your imagination.

Chan’s been staring back, too. He spares glances in your direction when you’re not looking, feels the steady thump of his heart gradually increase whenever you lean a little too far to the left when he makes you laugh, and he thinks your voice is prettier than anything that’s ever played on the radio.

You learn more about him as he drives. He moved back from Australia when he was seventeen, he’s got two younger siblings and an adorable puppy named Berry back home (and pictures on his dashboard to prove it), he prefers Australia’s summers over Seoul’s winters but he finds more inspiration here in the city than anywhere else. You resonate with the fact that he doesn’t really have anyone here besides a small circle of friends. No family, no one to fall back on when things get tough.

Chan talks like he’s an old friend, like he’s re-telling a story you’ve heard a thousand times. He makes it easy to fall into step with him as if you’ve been here all along.

By the time the two of you get to the movie theater, the initial awkwardness that had hung in the air is gone, replaced by comfort and ease. Chan throws the car in park and all but books it out of his seat to open your door for you, and you giggle when he makes a dramatic bow as you exit.

The theater is kind of busy for a Thursday night. There are families with their kids lined up to get tickets and groups of teenagers at the concessions, all of which make for a crowded lobby. Chan glances down when you place a hand on his arm, mostly because you want to stay close, but also because it’s hard to ignore the feeling of being magnetized towards him. He smiles, bending at the elbow to allow your arm to slip into his.

There are cardboard cutouts along the sides of the lobby, all of which serve to promote the newest animated release about a family of ducks. You squint at the showtimes once the two of you make it to the front of the counter, letting your eyes scan the movie titles until you finally land on—

“Two tickets for Migration, under Bang Chan.”

The girl behind the counter looks up, her eyes bored. She can’t be any older than sixteen, most likely resentful about the fact that she’s stuck here on a school night. “The kids movie?” She asks, unimpressed.

Chan braves a glance in your direction and—ah, there goes that grin again. Cue the butterflies. You’d agree to a three hour long showing of static and white noise if it meant he’d never stop doing that.

“Yup, that’s the one.”

Tickets in hand, a smiling Chan right next to you, and a massive line for popcorn that honestly might have the two of you late for the previews. “We’re seeing a kids movie?” You ask, moving up a spot in the line.

“Mmhm. I spent so long looking at all the options. The romcoms seemed boring, Bin mentioned that the newest superhero movie was bad, and I figured a scary one was too cliché,” he eyes you sidelong, “Unless you’re into that.”

You huff out a laugh, not really expecting him to be so straightforward, “I definitely am not.”

“Hm, so the old yawn to put my arm around you trick won’t work?” His eyes are playful, but something about the idea of being in even more contact with him has your stomach doing flips.

“Nope. Sorry. Seen that one before.” You say, making him laugh, his earring dangling when he drops his chin towards his chest.

“I guess I’ll have to figure out something else then.”

Another thing you learn about Chan is that he enjoys interesting food combinations.

“You like peanut m&ms?” he asks, throwing a bag of them onto the counter when you nod your head. After he pays, he pockets his wallet and turns to you with a bucket of popcorn tucked under his arm and a large drink with two straws in his hand. “Could you grab the candy?”

First door, theater one. There are a bunch of parents and their kids entering ahead of you, all of them buzzing with excitement. It’s a little funny, the fact that two grown adults—no kid in tow—are walking into the showing of a kids movie.

Chan leads you to the very back row. “For the kids, just in case they can’t see over us.” He quickly clarifies after noticing the way your eyebrows shoot up in silent question, but even in the dim lighting you can still see the tips of his ears turning pink.

“Taking me to a kids movie and then propositioning me in the presence of five year olds? You’ve got some nerve.” You say, timing it perfectly as Chan is leaning forward to take a sip of the drink that’s placed in the cupholder between the two of you. He sputters around the straw in surprise, coughing into his fist.

“That’s not—” You laugh, cutting him off as he stares at you with red eyes from his coughing fit. The mood shifts after that, and Chan visibly relaxes into his seat as he starts throwing jokes out a lot easier than before.

“Learned this from my dad,” he says, opening the bag of m&ms, “It’s my favorite thing to do at the movies. Haven’t been in a while because—well, I don’t really have anyone to go with.”

You watch as he dumps the candy into the popcorn bucket, shaking it to mix everything together. He reaches in to grab a piece of popcorn and an m&m at the same time, popping it into his mouth.

“Oh my god,” he sighs, slumping into his seat, “Forgot how good that is.”

When you don’t respond, he looks over. “You okay?”

Are you? You’re not sure. Every bone in your body is screaming bloody murder because Chan is making it really hard to not want to lean over and kiss the concerned frown off of his stupidly pretty face.

The thing about it is that you don’t do blind dates. And you most especially don’t enjoy them. But Chan is different. Chan holds doors open for you and makes corny jokes. Chan laughs at everything like it’s his last day on earth and he’s making up for lost time. Chan listens when you talk and responds with genuine interest. Chan compliments the little girl in the theater lobby who’s wearing a princess dress to watch the new superhero movie. Chan shares something as special as his dad’s favorite movie snack with you. Chan is just…Chan. And you like him. A lot.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay, I’m just—thank you. For sharing that with me.” You say, the corners of your mouth lifting.

“Stop doing that.” He mumbles, eyes trained ahead.

“Doing what?”

“Smiling. It makes my head spin.”

Your heart slams against your chest. You’ve spent the entire date trying to make sense of the way Chan makes you feel, trying to put it all into words. Yet here he is, right in front of you, saying his thoughts as they come and absolutely ruining your resolve in the process. Like it’s easy for him.

There’s no time to answer when the lights go down, the screen up front widening to signal the start of the movie.

Just like any other kids movie, it’s easy to get caught up in all the surface level jokes while also understanding the themes. You and Chan laugh outwardly at some parts, hold your breath at the suspenseful ones. It’s almost like you’re a kid again, enjoying yourself fully for the first time in a really, really long while.

Chan was right, the popcorn and m&m combination is good. You reach back into the bucket for more, freezing when Chan does the same and his knuckles brush yours in the slightest of touches, sending a jolt of electricity up your arm. It happens a few more times, each one leaving his hand lingering for far longer than the last, until eventually he makes a show of digging really hard for an m&m and hooks his pinky with yours in between the popcorn. It’s cheesy and cliché but god does it make your stomach do somersaults.

About three-quarters of the way through the movie, when it’s clear that neither one of you are willing to take it the next step further, you lean into his ear.

“You okay? You look kind of tired.”

Chan turns, confused. He’s certain that he wasn’t dozing off. He did have a late night last night. He was up working on the track that still somehow managed to hold him back today, hoping to have everything polished so that he didn’t run into any obstacles before your date. But that didn’t really work out in the end.

“Huh? No, I’m fine. Honest.”

“You sure?” you ask, a slight lift to your voice, “I don’t know, you looked like you were about to yawn.”

The light from the movie hits the left side of his face, illuminating all of his features in a way that makes your breath hitch. He’s pretty. So, so pretty.

Chan blinks, slow, and then his confusion slowly turns to one of understanding. Cue the grin.

“You know, now that I’m thinking about it…I am kind of tired.” He makes a show of fake yawning, stretches his arms above his head (and not blocking any children since you’re in the back row, thankfully), before bringing his right arm down and around your shoulders.

You spend the rest of the movie like that, tucked into Chan’s side while his fingers move gently against your shoulder. He’s unbelievably warm, and eventually you find your head resting in the spot just between his shoulder and his neck, his cheek pushed up against the side of your head. The position makes it easier to reach up and pat his eyes dry at the end, a single tear slipping out as he sniffled and mumbles a ‘M’not crying’ that has you giggling and doting all over him.

He doesn’t move his arm for the entire walk back to the car, and you momentarily mourn the loss when he opens the door for you (again!) so you can climb in. When he finally gets in on the other side, he says nothing, just reaches over to intertwine his fingers with yours and places your joined hands on the center console like it’s something you’ve done a thousand times.

“Ready to go home?” He asks, looking over at you.

You glance down at your hands, then back up at him. “Is it weird if I say no?”

“Not at all,” Chan grins, throwing the car into drive, “I was hoping you would say that.”

🎥🍿

“For you.”

Chan plops down on the bench, a hand outstretched with a steaming hot chocolate ready for you to take.

“Thanks,” you smile, cradling the cup between your hands.

After some deliberation, you and Chan had decided to come to the Han River. It’s quiet, the bridge lights reflecting off the water as the sounds of the city fade into the background. The temperature is slightly on the colder side, the tail end of winter just barely there. When he notices the slight shiver of your shoulders after a particularly strong gust of wind, Chan shucks his jacket off in a heartbeat to drape over you.

“Oh, you don’t—”

“You’re cold,” he scolds, pulling at the collar of the jacket to tighten it around you. His hand lingers near the base of your neck, fingers itching to reach out and touch. He doesn’t though, just smiles and settles back into the bench. “Plus I think Changbin might actually kill me if something were to happen to you.”

“Oh please,” you roll your eyes, “Ignore him. I’m not a baby.”

Chan takes a sip of his own hot chocolate, licks his lips to catch the excess. Not that you’re staring. “I’m serious. I mean, I get it. He told me that you’re here alone and stuff.”

You hum in understanding, turning your head to stare out at the water. “So are you.”

It’s Chan’s turn to look at you now, his elbows resting against his knees, and you watch out of the corner of your eye as his face turns unreadable.

The silence stretches thin, nothing but the sound of cars passing and a dog barking nearby. It’s kind of comforting in a way. Being on your own in a new place has been one of the hardest transitions you’ve ever had to deal with. There were times where it felt like a mistake, where you wished that you’d never even gotten on the plane. But then there were times where you felt lucky to be experiencing the things you are; to be able to try new things and pursue a life for yourself that you never thought possible.

“How’d you do it?” you ask quietly, turning to meet Chan’s gaze. “I mean, you were young. Seventeen is basically still a kid. Being alone in a place like this is scary as an adult, I can’t even imagine what that was like.”

Chan smiles, but it’s sad. His eyes twinkle with something like resentment, the lights from the bridge making it look like he’s glowing. A flame that’ll never burn out. “Would you believe me if I said I’m still figuring it out?” The end of it comes out as a laugh, but you can tell he means it.

“I don’t know, being a big shot music producer with deadlines and clients seems pretty figured out to me.”

Chan nods and stares at the cup in his hands. “My parents hated it. Still do, I think.” You don’t say anything. Chan is grateful for that; grateful for the space you’re giving him to explain. “They wanted more for me I guess. But I’m not sure that more would’ve necessarily been what I wanted, you know? I’m content with where I am now. I’m doing something I love, even if it took a while to get here. They don’t see it.” He chews his lip nervously, fingers playing with the soggy material of the paper cup’s rim.

Chan doesn’t know why he’s saying any of this. He’s not the type to completely bare himself out to anyone, to scoop away at his insides until there’s nothing left besides the hollowness he feels whenever he thinks about how he traded his life back home for a life of music. But you’re different somehow. Chan knew since the moment he saw you, felt it in the way your eyes lit up whenever he spoke and in the ease of how well the two of you got along. He was doomed from the start.

“I see it.” you say, your eyes still fixed on the water. “I might’ve only just met you today, but I see it. And I get it, too. Maybe not to the same extent, but the feeling of wanting to do something for yourself even if it meant losing something else. There’s purpose in that, in you. It’s okay to be selfish if it means you’re prioritizing your happiness.” You let the words settle for a bit, hoping that you don’t sound too shallow. When you turn to look at him, he’s already looking back.

“You don’t know me enough to say that.”

“I don’t have to know you to believe in you, Chan.”

A beat of silence, and then he’s laughing, short and punctuated as he lets his head fall forward with a small shake.

“You’re…”

“What? Corny?” you supply, smiling over at him.

“No,” he says, meeting your gaze. “Perfect.”

You huff out an incredulous laugh, looking away to hide the blush that’s spreading across your cheeks. “You can’t just—god, now who’s corny? Huh?”

“I never said I wasn’t corny.” Chan argues, sitting up to face you fully.

“Yeah but you can’t just say stuff like that.”

“Why not? I think you like it.”

Your mouth opens and closes quickly, lost for words. Chan’s closer now, a lot closer than he was before. One arm thrown across the back of the bench, loosely framing you in, he bends it at the elbow to bring a hand up and tuck your hair behind your ear.

“I never said that.” you mumble, your gaze flicking down to his lips and then back up again.

“You want me to stop then?” he asks, voice just above a whisper. You know what he’s implying the minute his fingers trace the shell of your ear, moving down slowly until they start playing with the collar of his jacket.

“Is it bad if I say no?”

Chan’s hand is warm to the touch, ice to fire. You lean into it. A moth to a flame, one that’ll never go out.

“Not at all,” he repeats, just like earlier, “I was hoping you would say that.”

A dog barking in the distance. Cars beeping as they pass by. A plane flying overhead. A group of friends laughing as they ride past on their bikes. The minute Chan’s lips connect with yours, everything fades, the sounds warbling together like static. Unintelligible; nothing besides the feeling of Chan kissing you matters.

It’s slow, nothing more than a press, but you feel it in every fiber of your being. Kissing Chan feels like the poles of the earth are colliding, meeting in the middle and sending its molten core spreading throughout your entire body. Warm, warm, warm. Chan is warm. He’s soft and gentle and his lashes tickle your cheeks when his eyes flutter closed halfway through because he was too busy etching your features into his memory.

You’re the first to pull away, admiring the way Chan’s eyes slowly peel open, lips swollen and pink. Unable to resist, you lean in and peck them once more, giggling when he blinks at you in shock.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been as compelled to kiss someone as I was just now.” You smile.

“Me too,” he sighs, resting his forehead against yours. “I don’t normally kiss on the first date.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t normally do dates anyways. At least not ones that don’t immediately go up in flames.”

“What about now?” Chan asks, raising an eyebrow. “Have I changed your mind?”

“Hmm, I don’t know. I kind of told Changbin that if this was a disaster I was never gonna go on a date again.”

Chan laughs and pulls you into his side, tucked right under his arm like the shape of him was molded in a way to make sure that you fit perfectly in his embrace.

“Is it bad if I say I like that idea?” He asks, glancing down at where your head is resting against his chest.

“Nope,” you say before leaning up to kiss him once more. He smiles into it when he feels your fingers playing with the curls at the nape of his neck, humming softly against your lips.

“Worst date ever, then?” he mumbles against your mouth.

“Yeah,” you sigh, pulling back to stare into his eyes, big and brown and brighter than the stars, “Worst date ever.”

[tags: @palindrome969 @summergirlsmj @n1staytiny ]

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exeggcute · 5 months

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well it's been almost six months which I think is long enough to break my posting embargo, so, uh: guess what! I got liposuction lol. specifically hip/thigh lipo to quell some pretty wicked dysphoria that stemmed from having such a feminine silhouette… and I have to say I'm really, really pleased with the results.

tbh my initial plan was to keep things under wraps for good which is why I haven't said anything about it yet (and even as I'm typing this up I keep debating whether to post it or trash it)—partly because I was/am worried people might Act Weird about it and partly because I get a little embarrassed talking about bodygendershit in general. but here we are. one reason I do feel compelled to finally share, other than being super happy about how everything went, is that I haven't encountered a lot of discussions about body sculpting as a possible avenue of gender-affirming care (although, to be fair, maybe I just haven't been looking in the right places) and I figured at least one person out there would be interested to learn about what I did and where I've ended up so far.

anyway. pics/details under the cut—nothing even remotely risqué (or yucky), I just know that body image stuff is fraught + not everyone is eager to hear surgery talk.

to be precise: I got tumescent liposuction of the inner and outer thigh, plus this ultrasound thing to help the skin shrink. a different surgeon who I consulted (but ultimately did not go with for a number of reasons) said that even if I got the results I wanted from lipo, which he claimed was unlikely, the affected skin would look loose/baggy/weird forever... and that surgeon was wrong on both counts lol. my elasticity was great bitch!!!!

they didn't take out that much fat overall, only eight pounds or so, but it's way more about the Where than the How Much. my actual surgeon (who kicks ass btw) said lipo isn't that great for weight loss per se, and what it's really good for is sculpting targeted areas—so basically exactly what I did. six months post-op I actually weigh about the same as what I did pre-op, but the distribution has held steady; more weight goes to my stomach now and less, proportionally, goes to my hips since there are fewer fat cells in that area now. so my silhouette retains its new shape!

the overall change is admittedly on the subtle side, since I'm pretty short and have wide hip bones (and you can't change your literal skeleton) but it's still gone a looooooong way. the main thing I requested from my surgeon was "I want to fit in men's pants" and boy did he deliver.

also a good place to note that if you're in the las vegas area looking for a plastic and/or cosmetic surgeon—this guy is board-certified in both btw—then I absolutely have the guy for you. feel free to DM me for details. lipo is clearly his specialty (and it shows!) but he also does a lot of breast revisions/mastopexy (i.e., fixing implants that other surgeons did a bad job putting in), regular implants, and face work (particularly facial feminization surgery). one thing that sold me on this guy was an enthusiastic yelp review from a local stripper who said he hid the incisions for her breast lift in her armpits so none of her clients would notice that she'd had work done... a true master of his craft

okay you've scrolled enough so I'll give you what you're here for lol. I don't have many pre-op pics because I was obviously unhappy with how I looked and was not taking full-body selfies on a regular basis, but here's a few I took ~2 weeks beforehand:

these super thin men's joggers were my go-to dysphoria pants, to the point where I bought five pairs in different colors, but now they're so baggy on me that they have the opposite effect and make it look like I have wider hips than I do. so I retired them from my wardrobe...

...except not immediately because I had to wear compression garments 24/7 for the first three months post-op and these joggers were just loose enough to comfortably wear a medical girdle underneath them at all times, 110° degree temperatures be damned. (not that I was going out much for the first month since I was soooooooooooo fucking bruised and sore lol.) here's a few post-op pics in the same style pants:

(first pic is less than 24 hours post-op, about to go to my follow-up appointment, looking greasy as fuck because I wasn't allowed to shower yet; second pic two days post-op and also post-shower, thankfully; third pic is about a month post-op.)

so, like, CLEAR improvement already. I will not be posting pictures of my black-and-blue-and-swollen-all-over legs but considering how puffy I was from getting internally pummeled with a cannula it's wild that I still saw improvement literally as soon as I came home.

recovery was obviously not a blast in the moment but I got off easy, all things considered. I was supposed to get drains put in and was Not looking forward to that at all lol. the first thing I asked when I woke up after surgery was "how many drains?" because they weren't sure if I'd end up needing two or four, but it turned out the answer was zero. no drains!!!

I did have to lie with my feet elevated for the first two weeks straight, and had major bruising that receded over the first month (you could barely see my regular skin underneath all the mottled spots), but little to no nerve pain, no weird complications, and I was more or less back to normal after six weeks. also noelle took very very good care of me and was brave about injecting me with blood thinners so I wouldn't get clots and die :)

when I went into it I was fully expecting to get huge vertical scars up and down the sides of my legs (and had made peace with it!) but instead I wound up with four tiny incisions like this, each less than two inches long:

what's totally crazy is that the scars are basically Gone now. like even when I'm trying to find them I struggle to locate the ones in the front. I joked to noelle that if someone did an autopsy on me they might not figure out that I'd had cosmetic surgery, especially since the skin on my thighs is back to its normal color and texture. (in this scenario I like to imagine that it's dana scully giving me the autopsy and I'm in an x-files plot where instead of regular lipo I got alien lipo and mulder figures it out purely by accident.)

with lipo it can take up to a year to see the full results but I already feel so much fucking better in my body that seeing old pre-op pics throws me for a loop. and I can absolutely wear men's pants now—pants for short and stocky men, to be fair, but actual regular men's pants and not exclusively Pants For Men With Huge Butts And Legs. which is the only style I could even hope to fit in before. and even then it was a stretch.

big pic dump of shitty mirror selfies taken over the last few months:

(also I really debated sharing this one but I already included it in the yelp review I left my surgeon so fuck it: here's a tasteful before-and-after in my undies where you can see my bare legs for easier comparison. left pic is one week pre-op, right pic is about five months post-op. including it as a link instead of embedding it in the post in case your boss happens to be reading over your shoulder at this very moment. also this is the one and only time you will ever see me stripped down on tumblr dot com so don't get used to it lol.)

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peterfankoffski · 2 months

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okay okay hear me out. hatchetfield/ever after high au

i maaaaaayyy have been thinking about this since. the day i saw abstinence camp. in my defense dexven and lautski are the same ship and nobody likes either of these things more than me (/j) so like. rundown of ideas i had (and one piece of inspo from a gc i'm in)

Stephanie Lauter, daughter of the Evil King: Yeah, I'm just fully reusing Raven's backstory here. Steph's born into wickedness and expected to one day inherit her father's throne and oppress her people and possibly curse the future Snow White. Which earns her respectful fear from her fellow "evil" peers, fearful respect from most of her classmates, and dread from herself, because she doesn't want to be anything like her dad, for better or for worse, even if it means risking going poof. Doesn't really help she's just not a good student in the classes assigned to her and her father keeps telling her she'll be a terrible Evil Queen anyway. Would absolutely prefer to write her own destiny. Her current plans involve doing fuck-all as an adult.

Peter Spankoffski, son of one of the Generic Charming Families: More specifically, the ones from Beauty and the Beast. One problem. He wasn't exactly planned. His big brother has already lived out being the beast and a noble lady named Jenny broke Ted's curse yeeeeaaarrrs ago, so Pete's already seen what should be his story play out in real time. And given the assumption that Ted and Jenny's kid would take on one of their roles, Pete's not sure he even has a destiny. Pretty much ostracized by most of his peers for so obviously not having a destiny. He's the only non-villian not inherently scared of Steph, and when they talk it's all like "god, you're so lucky your story isn't a shitshow" "at least you have a story" and eventually they kinda further break destiny by dating because they are literally just Raven and Dexter in another font.

Ruth Fleming, daughter of The Mad Hatter: @mythuzalasheir3 suggested this one to me and I was so inclined to agree. Ruth is so Wonderlandian to me. She's theatrical, she's eccentric and not willing to turn it down, will just say what's on her mind as she sees it. Taking a bit from the books canon, she does sorta resent Steph at first for her father going off-book and poisoning Wonderlandian magic, but after Pete urges her to actually talk to her as they start hanging out more, she sees Steph isn't as scary as she thought and very quickly gets comfortable turning up her madness and speaking Riddlish around her like she does with her other friends. Speaking of which.

Richie Lipschitz, son of the Wizard of Oz: Yes. I really am making Pete the odd one out. Ruth is Wonderlandian, Richie is an (honorary) Ozian. Sue me. This basically stems from how Richie was in charge of taping the prank in the Waylons/putting on the music, so knowing he has special effects know-how, he is going to have a blast doing the hologram head thing in the Emerald City for a few decades. He also plans on introducing pop culture stuff to Oz, too, not just more science. Nerd. I think he's iconic for it.

(Side note: neither Ruth nor Richie can believe that they're just casually best friends with a prince, even though Pete really doesn't want it to be a big deal).

Grace Chasity, daughter of the Temple Woman from The Little Mermaid: Right. History time. If you're not familiar with the original version of TLM, after the mermaid brings the prince back to shore, a girl from a Christian monastery finds the prince, and he believes she saved him instead of the mermaid. And also she and the prince are married by the end. I chose this fully because she's very proud of the fact she already has an immortal soul, and doesn't have to do anything for a happily ever after other than be in the right place at the right time. She does not give a damn about who her prince is as long as they stick to the script. Basically, she's a Royal out of necessity more than anything.

Max Jagerman, son of another Charming Clan: More specifically, he's destined to be the Rapunzel's prince. He's in with Steph because he thinks it's a good idea to be on the good side of all royals in his class. But not Storiless Spankoffski. He does NOT fraternize with people whose existence could poof away a whole story. For as much as he tries to fit the example of Perfect Royals Accepting Their Destiny, he does still have a target of affection not in his story: Grace. Being much more stereotypically Royal than him, she keeps rejecting him due to not being interested and not even part of his story. Doesn't stop him from trying.

The Lords in Black, the heads of Ever After High: Everyone has a destiny. They're here to run the school and enforce them, and also dictate the destinies of the more ambiguous cases like Charming Number Twenty-Seven or "how do we find a replacement for a character who is dead." They say there's a spider in the basement but don't even worry about it, they'll take care of it eventually.

Webby, the Weaver in the Basement: Basically taking the place of Giles Grimm, her brothers have let her have less and less involvement with destinies over the years, so she's spinning up happier endings that hopefully won't go poof in solitude. Would definitely encourage Steph to follow her heart instead of her destiny.

Henery Hidgens as the Magic Botany teacher, and also former Jack of Jack the Giant Slayer fame: man I just think this would be funny

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islandoforder · 2 months

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My thing re: Porter was only that he wasn't praising Fig for what he disapproved of with Gorgug. Like, Fig was doing things differently than Gorgug was, and it didn't have anything to do with protecting one's friends or anything like that, it was a matter of embracing fury in order to do so. He's still not a great teacher, though I do think Zac meant "I go into a worry" to be a flaw and that he wasn't looking for someone to just say "that's valid".

brace for a reply that's at least twice as long as intended haha

okay i think we do actually agree on more than we don't - i do think that 'i go into a worry' is a sign of gorgug not being raised to be comfortable with negative emotions, and the ramifications of that (love the thistlesprings, no hate to them, but their hardwon earnest positivity is probably a lot harder to recognise and appreciate as a teenager who has literally the weight of the world on his shoulders a bunch).

the point i was trying to make was about this exchange from porter to gorgug: "Most of what I see from you in class is, your rage is a place that you go to to put your body on the line for your friends. It's very selfless, very noble. Do I see you actually capable of wielding the destructive power of rage, when the chips are really down?"

to me, this reads as porter saying that his rage stemming from his protection of his friends, that selflessness, that loyalty, is not a good enough motivation, that his rage HAS to be destructive to be valued in porter's eyes, even though he has literally established in this conversation that gorgug is v good at the basic tenets of being a barbarian. he's not saying that gorgug isn't using his rage at all, he's explicitly saying that it's not the right flavour of rage for him. this exchange bugs me so much just because his little speech to fig about her paladin powers being inspired by her friends is very explicitly praising the exact same type of selfless nobility and loyalty. it feels even more hypocritical as this is the same convo with gorgug where he says he feels "heartbroken" and the same convo with fig where he says lucilla was too emotionally involved in fig's decisions in an inappropriate way.

i think it's also a bit tricky bc since emily has decided to engage with/agree with porter (and possibly with bts convos with zac there's no way to tell) brennan has (rightfully!) pivoted. it's a good move as a dm of a campaign to react to your players and how they interact with your npcs, but it does lead to a sort of retconning over the points porter was initially making. like on a mechanics of roleplaying level i get it, but if we just look at the character, it makes him inconsistent and hypocritical more than anything.

it's also hard to know where exactly i'm bringing my own feelings about teaching into it, but in this specific scenario, where gorgug is struggling to articulate his rage and negative emotions, i think not only is porter's behaviour to gorgug not helpful but is actively unhelpful, let alone how he acts with and what he says to fig, knowing they're close friends and gorgug will inevitably hear these double standards. i know it worked in the show, but i think that's bc the players chose to have it work, rather than it being a good or healthy method for a teacher to take. i've honestly got other issues with him too, but not on the point you were making so i'm not gonna keep ranting haha

#okay i wanna be clear you were not who i was talking about in that other post #we were having an actual discussion in the tags #which is v diff from what i was complaining about #just for the record #chatting away #quicker-than-most #dimension 20 #d20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #porter cliffbreaker #gorgug thistlespring #fig faeth #brennan lee mulligan #zac oyama #emily axford

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voidarchivefiles · 11 months

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About

This blog was an archive of void posts that contain methods, tips or resources. For void success stories, see my other blog @voidsuccessarchive.

Status: No longer active Posting when I have the time & feel like it

Please read: Important

There's a lot of ways to enter but in the end it's you who puts the power in it. Only take what resonates for you personally. Not all advice or methods may resonate for you and that's okay. That doesn't mean you can't enter as every single one of us is pure consciousness (the void) at our natural state!

Remember to be kind to yourself and don't overconsume information. Consider this place like a library for you to check out only what you need and you don't need to read every single thing. This won't be a comprehensive archive of every single void post on Tumblr, a lot of it stems from things mentioned in success stories (see voidsuccessarchive) & the rest will be things that I think are useful/helpful.

If a particular blog resonates with you and you want more information, check out their blog and master list.

Index

About the void: The I AM state, A basic intro & FAQ

General tips or steps on entering: 1, 2, 3, 4

In-depth advice: 1

Methods: Wim hof breathwork, WBTB reclined sitting (simplified), Theta waves + I AM, Alpha waves, Lucid dreaming, SATS or Wim hof + Shifting hypnosis meditation, Silva centering method

Manifesting methods: Lullaby (OG post), "after all", ROE, intention setting practice

Using resources: Delta waves, guided SATS meditation, revision meditation, DMT activation audio

Guides: Lucid dreaming guide

Other: My posts

How they did it - tips from success stories: loajaydawayda, anon, stxr-kill (using FILD), teenageangeldiaries (SATS/Lullaby), anon, ninisworld444

Motivational posts: For the drowning gang, You already are pure consciousness

Challenges: Roselleworkshop (void challenge, silva challenge), Gorgeouslypink: (3 day void concept, FILD), littlemissprettyprincess (void challenge, new year's wish, santa method), angelria111, trynafindbarbiee, wonyoung challenge, fleurlx (I AM + Living in the end, badass alter ego challenge), prettymindset111, halokisses

#void state

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fannyyann · 2 months

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Hey, hope you're doing okay. I hope you don't mind me asking, but I am rather new to the mattdrai fandom and I couldn't help but wonder:

Was Matthew really as bad as a lot of fic lead to believe in his earlier hockey years in Calgary? And was he really disliked in the room - where there rumours like that? So many fics build on this premise, and seeing him now in Florida and hearing all the nice things his teammates say about him and seeing the things he does himself and the insane good hockey he plays... it's hard to believe.

It's so strange also that it's so rarely mentioned that Leon was the one to be sent down to the minors, not Matthew.

Plus what I don't get: matthew is a lot hotter than Leon? why is it always told like Leon is the hottest dude on earth while Matthew is nothing? comparing early pics and pics from now... it's just not true? Leon looks good, a bit bland IMO, but Matthew is and was just hot in a very unique and special way. maybe because he isn't that bland generic good looking Leon is? But good looking in a special way? so that got a lot longer than I thought it would, hope you don't mind the ask.

i don't mind you asking at all! this is basically my roman empire so MY apologies if this gets unwieldy but i have FEELINGS about matthew's early fic portrayal lmao

in his six years on the flames, matthew was always one of the top five scorers.

his rookie year, he was sixth in rookie scoring

the season he was picked for his first ASG, the flames were 16th in the league at the time all star rosters were announced and matthew was their top scorer.

so it's not like he was the best player from a bottom of the league team or going because he was the home town boy, he was a playoff team's best player (both at the asg break and when the season was eventually suspended because of covid).

and even in his career worst year (2020-2022), he ended the year as their third best scorer and only six points behind johnny (the leader). and as one of calgary's beat reporters said in his end of the year review, Matthew was "good, but not quite as good as the Flames needed him to be."

so i've never really understood why people were portraying him like that either and still haven't figure out if most of it was unreliable narrator kind of stuff or if some authors actually thought he was bad before he had his breakout season, but it doesn't reflect reality.

as for him being disliked in calgary, that all stems from jake muzzin flipping the puck at him, and the subsequent players only meeting that took place after it, in which matthew allegedly told the team he was upset they didn't join him in the scrum after and he was then told him it can't be a riot every night.

before that there were never any rumors that i'm aware of that he was unliked in the room, and in 2019 gio, who most people tend to think is the one who told matthew to tone it down, said this about another players only meeting:

so while the 2021 players only meeting was a story because matthew wasn't playing like his usual self afterward, i've never thought it was indicative of him not being liked by his teammates. and honestly, you have to take it all with a grain of salt anyway because while guys obviously bullshit the media, at the practice after the players only meeting guys talked about how there was a general lack of emotion, and how they came out there trying to have fun with each other and put it behind them, and in the postgame the next night, gio specifically sites getting into scrums and mixing it up when asked how much more emotion they played with in that win compared to earlier losses, so if mixing it up was good the very next night, the math doesn't quite add up, yk?

but johnny did confirm in his spittin chiclets appearance about two weeks after the muzzin incident that matthew was pissed after they left him out to dry that night, and when asked about matthew's struggles that season darryl sutter said matthew needed to, and would, get back to playing to his identity, so the whole cause and effect of the muzzin incident on matthew's play that season isn't completely unfounded, but i do think multiple guys saying the team needed to play with more emotion, johnny saying in the chiclets episode that the guys skating off didn't find out about the puck flip until they saw it on sportsnet and saying he felt bad about it, and the new coach coming in and getting matthew to play back to his style shows that it wasn't as personal as it was made out to be.

anyway, the flames may not have be as tight knit as the panthers are, but matthew had his people there. he's bffs with hanifin and his friendship with sam bennett is part of what drew him to florida. johnny always says great things about him, blake coleman called him the heartbeat of the team, and was such an important voice in the room that the flames suffered when he and gudbranson were no longer around to tell sutter to chill the fuck out when he was being too hard on guys in the room.

he probably wasn't close with every teammate, most people aren't friends with all their coworkers, but he wasn't some sort of loner in that locker room.

as for the looks, that's all down to personal preference. leon is definitely very conventionally attractive and while matthew has definitely glowed up in the last few seasons, he was by no means ugly. i wouldn't even say he's really unconventionally attractive either. he's got a good face and was a cute teen and people who are like "oh no i find matthew tkachuk attractive now" have literally never made sense to me. but again! personal preference and all that.

again, my apologies if you weren't looking for THIS MUCH of an answer to your question but this isn't even all the sources i pulled up when i first got this ask so i did TRY to keep it short lol

#matthew ask

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avatarmerida · 1 year

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New brain rot? No, just Huntlow in a different font. It’s a Willina (?) HC/ if I wrote a fic this would be it but also I dunno if I will get so here are some crumbs under the cut if you care:

William gives me the vibes of like he is a grimwalker that Belos made but he’s the only one he’s gotten right so he has to “preserve” him until he’s needed because making a grimwalker is hard let alone a sustainable one. So that’s why he’s doing the classic sleeping thing and in his mind he’s under a curse which is why he can’t like remember a lot about his past or who he is and that’s where his arc stems from like he believes stopping by wild magic will restore his memories or something.

Also I feel like a fun little twist since this version of Hunter is very Disney-esque and I think he’d still be made of palistrom trees if they did like a Pinocchio type thing where he can’t lie (or at least can’t lie to Belos) without it causing him pain or like branches grow from him and he just chalks it up to the curse not to the clone thing. I also picture him like that frog from the Swan Princess movie where he’s convinced a kiss from a princess will save him but since he’s been asleep for who knows how long there are no royalty left.

And then okay also his is instantly charmed by Paulina. Like he just thinks she is so cute right away and she’s the only person who isn’t annoyed with his speeches of his backstory and mission and is genuinely nice to him. And they meet sooner in this version and Paulina takes longer than Willow to migrate to the plant track and maybe practices in secret and confides this to William in exchange for his secret about the lying thing. And she’s like “That’s awful, I wish I could help you.” And he’s like “I appreciate it, but only a princess can.”

And I fully subscribe to the HC that he calls her princess as a nickname and so she says “I’d like the try anyway.” And she’s not great at magic but she tries anyway and there’s a montage of them trying different spells and potions and stuff and then either they discover or William finally mentions that a kiss from a princess is how the spell was broken (according to the stories which are not factual but we’re brought over by Belos to like help manipulate people somehow) and Paulina plant girl is like “OMT there is a flower called Princess kiss and it’s rare but maybe that’s it.” And they go on a little quest where they get to know each other better and they find the flower and all it does is make him sneeze a bunch. It’s clear the books mean a literal kiss.

So William is so grateful but poor Paulina is like “If only I was a real princess, and not just a half a witch then I’d actually be able to help you.” And William blushes as he little brain process the fact that she basically said she would kiss him if it would help him and he’s like “Well, it couldn’t hurt to try.” And then they get very close to kissing before being interrupted (of course).

And then later on, William is like on to Belos and done with him and goes to tell everyone but Belos doesn’t wanna destroy him because he worked hard to make him so he turns him into a frog while he makes up another sleeping potion to try again later. And frog William tries to warn everyone but he is not a talking frog so he can’t communicate with them but he brings Paulina the princess kiss flowers and starts sneezing and Luz is like “I didn’t know frogs could sneeze?” (And idk if they do let’s pretend they don’t, Amphibia fans don’t come for me) and Paulina is like that’s weird and she puts two and two together and realizes it him and while they’re trying to figure out how to reverse it, she’s holding him tightly and assures him it’s gonna be okay and gives him a gentle kiss atop his head and he transforms back.

He’s so overjoyed and he picks her up and spins her around and he’s like “I told you being a princess was about more than a shiny crown.” Or something which is a callback to a conversation they had before. It doesn’t cure the grimwalker thing because that’s not a curse it’s what he is but then every time something goes wrong he’s like “Paulina can just kiss me and it’ll be okay.” And everyone is like “Dude you cannot just think you’re invincible because her kiss undid one super outdated curse.” And he’s like “Well it can’t hurt to try.” (It still can, btw) And Paulina is just a blushing smitten mess about how her scrawny little prince truly thinks there is nothing she can’t do.

Idk I feel like it would be a longer fix to explain all the differences but it’s an AU that I would get messy with and a little confused but that’s the vibe I got from th like 10 second clip.

#huntlow #winter toh #toh #the owl house #willow park #Hunter toh #idk how to tag the beta ship so let’s hope huntlow is enough lol

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theteasetwrites · 8 months

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Okay so when do you think Daryl figured out he had feelings for reader,like full on “I’m so in love with this woman” feels? Before they got together or after? And did he act any different when he came to the realization? Omg I’m so in love with his interpretation of him I just wanna hear you talk about him and reader for hours

Hi! I'm gonna put a "keep reading" thing on this because I went a little overboard lol

I am assuming you mean in The Beginning universe? Or do you mean in general?

I will probably answer in terms of The Beginning because that's like my main interpretation of Daryl and I love that Reader (she's literally me) and their relationship

So I think Daryl was sort of instinctually smitten with her basically the moment he saved her from that walker in the woods in Georgia. I mean, he definitely wasn't aware of it, but at the very least, I think he was just... attracted to her. Like, I don't know, soulmate shit. Very corny, I know, but what am I if not a little corny?

I think Daryl was definitely like "oh... she's really pretty," in his head, but he definitely tried to suppress those thoughts because a) they're literally in the middle of the apocalypse and no one has time to fall in love (even tho they eventually do because of course you can't keep them away from each other!), and b) he is so insecure at times that he definitely didn't think she would feel the same way.

But as for when he knew he was IN LOVE with her? It's hard to say because we have to recognize that Daryl is cautious with people and tends to not trust very easily, but I like to think he made kind of an exception for her. If you read the series, you know they got together only after about a month or so of knowing one another.

So I don't think there was any particular moment where he knew he loved her, but there was definitely a gradual buildup. Like even on the first night they met, he was starting to develop a BIG soft spot for her. Daryl is observant as hell and I think he noticed how big her heart is. She took him in to her group for a start, which he probably thought was a little um STUPID of her (lol it kinda was), but mostly he appreciated how open-minded and kind she was. And when he found out that she didn't even eat meat, but she was grateful for Daryl hunting for them anyway? He couldn't believe that she was so unselfish for putting the needs of her group before her own, and he found a commonality there. Daryl cares about his family more than he cares about himself, too. He appreciated that.

And she brought him a bunch of nuts (I don't remember what kind of nuts lol... hazelnuts maybe?) as a way to say thank you to him for helping their group, and I think that also started a spark.

And just getting to know her slowly at the Atlanta camp, and that night he opened the geode for her. Actually, I think that's when READER fell in love with him. That rock is really important to her. It stretches back to her relationship with her father, who collected geodes. I think that touched her heart so deeply, and she fell HARD. You know that saying, he fell first, but she fell harder? That kind of thing.

But she, too, suppressed it. Carol points out how much she seems to admire Daryl, but Reader brushes it off. That stems from her issues with relationships and not wanting to be with a man again, after having a pretty bad relationship before in which she didn't feel appreciated or really loved.

And then, as we know, things come to a head at the CDC, where a little too much alcohol results in Reader's confidence going way up, and she and Daryl admit that they both have feelings for each other. I admit that when I wrote the scenes at the CDC, I think I went too far in making them like LOVE each other already lol. I mean, I do think they already loved each other and just didn't realize it, but they don't say "I love you" until after they have sex for the first time at the farm in season 2. It all culminates there, and I think then we see their relationship really blossom.

#abbi speaks #the beginning series

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warrior-cats-rewritten · 10 months

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Some Dark Forest members that either are put there in the rewrite or little OCs (that aren't really important too often but the Dark Forest needs more than 10 cats come onnn)

Version 1.1: Lizardstripe is now a pretty different kitty and is no longer on this list, her ex Mudstep is here however, and Leopardstar's morality has finally been cemented.

Version 1.2: Clarified Batear and Fenneldust's crimes, as well as recreated Clear Sky's role as no longer self inflicted, but rather a punishment from his first victim.

Spiderclaw - Spottedleaf's killer instead of Clawface, Brokenstar's lackey.

Thornclaw - Supports the Dark Forest, dies during the Great Battle and banished upon death.

Mudstep (Lizardstripe's mate) - Though he had an okay relationship with Runningnose, and was proud to raise a Medicine Cat son, he was a terrible mate and poor excuse for a father, the cherry on top being his physical abuse of Brokenkit. Abuse of kittens and mates is not tolerated by Starclan.

Rabbitswoop - Riverclan Dark Forest Trainee, he takes one of Mistystar's lives before Hawkfrost kills him.

Milktail - Born during the Brokenstar era and hates her non-clan born adopted brother. She supports Tigerstar, Blackstar makes her deputy after her "I'm sooo sorry' act that actually is convincing. She and Mistfang (Tigerstar's surviving sister) try to kill Blackstar only to get stopped by her adoptive brother. She is a piece of the Blood Will Spill Blood Prophecy (which you can imagine drove her mad), along with Hawkfrost killing Mistfang.

Mistfang - Speaking of. Tigerclaw's dickhead sister. Her attitude stemmed not from 'being spoiled' or anything like that. But the fact that her brother was praised for his strength non-stop, which made this once sweetheart begin to act more like her brother, on a very dangerous path. She thinks her brother is perfect, and idolized him. She followed him to the Dark Forest after being killed by her own nephew.

Nestfur - Another Brokenstar lackey, killed by Mudclaw during the Battle Of Bloodclan.

Parsnipfang - Shinecloud's brother. Oakstar's brother-in-law, Birchface and Frecklewish's uncle. Tried to kill the leader and abused his mate to gain power, Oaksnap (Oakstar) killed him before he could kill the leader, becoming deputy after his death, but something feels... Familiar, about that scenario.

Ratscar - Dark Forest Trainee who kills (yes, KILLS) Blackstar with Redwillow's help (not that he'll let Redwillow have any credit), before Ferncloud beats him into paste.

Rotflower - Rainflower.

Leopardstar - Genuine Tiger Law supporter who tried to instill the mentality into Hawkfrost, and allowed Tigerclan to get out of control/endorsing it.

Onestar - Prison Sentence, but not for too long. Roughly 1 and a half moons.

Sol - After his death, he is banished here and he is PISSED about it, everyone picks on him, guy basically has a kick-me sign on his butt.

Frecklewish - HANG ON! Let me explain. She CHOSE to be in the Dark Forest, because she realizes what Thunderclan has done, and no one but Mapleshade was punishes for trying to give them justice. She can travel the border at will, but spends most of her time in the Dark Forest.

Batear - Fenneldust's boyfriend who helped cover up the murder and supplied the 'weapon', a Boar.

Fenneldust - Thunderclan cat who killed the Medicine cat that gave an omen that she would make a bad deputy. Gee, I wonder why?

Quick Water - Apologizing as you bleed out is not enough. She is one of the OLDEST spirits there, and is mostly uninvolved in things.

Oakstar - Only punished after a huge uproar Frecklewish started. But he seems to be missing. How odd...

One Eye - The OG Dark Forest King.

Star Flower - A genuine force of evil, like she should have always been. Dark Magic practices and trying to destroy the Clans leads to her getting trapped in the Dark Forest.

Clear Sky - Due to not being leader, his toxic influence is now seen by the spirits of Starclan. Bright Storm had the most perfect punishment for him. You wanna make borders? You can be one. To protect the cats of Starclan from the ones in the Dark Forest, Bright Storm and the other cats of Starclan sacrificed his spirit to become the fog border around the area, the fog choking and thick, just like his thick white fur. Now only appears as blue eyes in the shadows and a disembodied voice. His spirit has whittled away, now gaining holes in it. Not to mention the... things... rumored to be laying within the fog.

Gray Wing - The OG Curse Layer. His horrid enabling behavior has damned him, but he'll never see it that way. He technically still roams the earth, but he SHOULD be here. His hatred is toxic, and he plans to destroy the Stars of the Clans, starting with Riverclan....

#warrior cats #warrior cats rewrite #wcr #warriors #dark forest #frecklewish #thornclaw #rainflower #leopardstar #onestar #wc sol #clear sky #gray wing #a starless clan #snowtuft

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actualbird · 1 year

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thinking about mariluke again… given how marius is afraid of really trusting people and showing his heart bc he’s been used so many times before and his family situation… and given luke is all “you before me” and “wow im literal scum i don’t deserve nice things” how do you think they break down that roadblock to become lovers? do you think one of them would realise this isn’t okay and work on it or would they need a push from someone else?

you 🤝 me

thinking about mariluke

i very much relate to the feeling, anon, HVSKJFVKSDHFS

but oh my gosh i adore this ask because u hit the nail on the head on what like, their core internal conflicts are, respectively. definitely not their only conflicts, but these ones are ones that i see as the driving force behind a lot of their actions. for marius, it's the constant struggle of "can i trust you?", for luke it's his lack of self worth and the resulting neglect of his own safety/needs/desires coming from it.

before i answer the questions tho i wanna say first that those two issues do stem from core Wants that theyve got (and i wanna say this first cuz it will tie into my answers/thoughts HAHA).

like, marius is always cautious and holding his cards and heart close to himself not just because of all the betrayals hes experienced and in general the Life He Lives (though that is a Huge factor), but also because it's connected to his want for honesty, earnestness, and genuineness. though these two are interconnected, it's not a Which Came First, The Chicken Or The Egg situation (or in this case….Which Came First, The Yearning Or The Trust Issues? JHVKSJDFH), they exist simultaneously and feed into each other. he wants, he has trouble receiving what he wants because of his fears but his fears are also put into higher gear because of how Much he wants, and in turn the lack leads to his desire gets magnified and the stakes for his fears getting even higher as well. aaaand all this gets further complicated when u throw in marius’ low view of himself as well (while it’s not as prominent/delved-into in canon as luke’s, it’s Very Much There, see this past analysis i did about marius and emotional distancing which is the most recent analysis i did i think on the topic)

meanwhile with luke, his propensity to put others before himself always is in partly caused by how lowly he sees himself (if hes worth nothing and others are worth more, then he should be the ones taking the blows or enduring the pains), but Both those things are ultimately caused by his desire to Be Good and Do Good for Another. “for Another” is a key phrase here, because luke imo is driven by devotion. it has to be someone else. and if he sees himself as bad, then the good thing to do is to neglect himself, and a better use of his life is to serve Another that he Sees as good. like marius, this is all interconnected too. his want to do good feeds into his self sacrificial tendencies, his low view of himself allows him to do more of what he perceives to be good, etc etc. tho of course, with luke, theres the whole obvious glaring sign that what he Perceives to be good isnt good at all (ex. when he becomes overprotective to the point of taking away choice/agency from the very person hes protecting, protection becomes presumptuous condescension, and this all gets in flux since goodness is subjective based on whos lens ur looking from) but at the end of the day thats a bulk of whats driving a lot of decisions.

now when things get to romantic relationship, both these respective desires seen through the lens of romantic love can be reworded into:

for marius, it’s “do you love me? can i trust that your love is real? are you telling the truth when you say im worthy of love?”

and for luke, it’s “am i good enough for your love? have i earned it? will i allow myself to believe i’ve earned it when you say i have?”

(sidenote: …..oh my god, marius is basically “Real Love” by Carly Rae Jepsen

"The world is going crazy And it feels like I just don't know who to trust sometimes Thunder's coming over me, I need to get a hold of you now We're getting good at lying No one's saying what's keeping us all awake at night Something's coming over me, I need to get a hold of you now […] I go everyday without it All I want is real, real love And I've been feeling weak without it Only want a real, real love"

and luke is “All That” also by Carly Rae Jepsen

"I wanna play this for you all the time I wanna play this for you when you're feeling used and tired I wanna make the best so you want more […] I'll be the magic you won't ever see You can always rely on me To help you do what you want to do I wanna be the best you've ever known […] Show me if you want me If I'm all that I will be that"

i cant believe CRJ ships mariluke)

NOW back to ur question. i personally dont think this is an Either Or situation, i think it’s a Both Simultaneously kinda thing.

cuz first off, change can only happen when the person who has to do the change actively works on it. no amount of support system can do it for the person if the person themselves isnt putting in the work. BUT input from another Helps very much, especially with mariluke imo cuz like……..these two are two sides of the same coin. so many of their insecurities and fears and wants are similar. not Exactly the same, but similar enough that i think they get each other on a really personal level

(sidenote im coming in with another song but i tell everybody who has the misfortune of listening to me that “just like i do” by loveless is THE mariluke song for me because….come on

"Do you feel alone just like I do? Do you hate the sound of your heartbeat too? Do you feel alone just like I do? Do you hate the sound of your heartbeat too? This is all I own, 'til I face the truth Yeah, I feel alone in a crowded room"

i cant believe loveless ships mariluke too waow)

heres how they can help each other:

marius keeps his heart behind tall and strong walls because of how his world works and how his life has gone, yet all he yearns for is sincerity. and luke gives that in full earnestness, and is probably surprised by how much that means to marius.

(remember the CRJ songs i associated with both of them?

marius: "and it feels like i dont know who to trust sometimes"

luke: "i'll be the magic you won't eve see / you can always rely on me")

luke wears his heart on his sleeve, on the arms that are always fighting for whoever or whatever hes devoted to. luke keeps secrets, yes, but thats mostly in regards to how he sees, treats, and values (or rather, doesnt value) himself. but marius, who is trained in the art of putting up a mask or building a fortress to hide, would see through luke’s secrecy and see how badly luke treats himself under the guise of being good for others to be worthy of love.

(luke: "i wanna be the best youve ever known / show me if you want me"

marius: "i need to get a hold of you now")

luke shows what marius wants and marius sees what luke hides; both of these things, one way or another, calling attention to both of their respective internal conflicts.

i dont think they fix each other, or rather thats not how my personal ideal view of how their relationship goes. i think they see each other.

("do you feel alone just like i do?")

and in seeing, they learn more about themselves and realize that part of loving another person is also in bettering one’s self. marius loving luke more than hes afraid of getting hurt. luke loving marius more than how he wants to hate himself.

they both realize that the internal issues theyve got are not okay, and that they need to work on it. but they realize that once understood by the other and once realizing that their love is more important to them than fear or hatred.

....i feel so normal about them (lie)

#tears of themis #sorry this turned into a 1.3k response with too many song references. the mariluke brainworms posessed me #mariluke #marluke #marius von hagen #luke pearce #asks #anon

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casualwriters · 1 month

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The Florist and the Monster Hunter - Wyll x gender neutral reader Tav

Summary~ When Wyll was your childhood friend after years he shows back up to you the one person he loves.

Pairing ~ Wyll x gender neutral tav

Warnings ~ None

fluff/ childhood friends to lovers.

You have always loved your home Baldur Gates was the place you were born and was raise you never wanted to leave but when you grew older and heard the rumors, pt made you disappointed, it felt just like yesterday you met him when you were only eleven years old.

But that was so long ago and that before Wyll left Baldur Gates with the rumors of him making a pact with the Devil,

you never thought the rumors were true you could never stomach that he would be so stupid to mess with the dark arts two months, became two years and everything was different.

Baudler Gates was being led by Gortash the man you despised the most and now he had Wyll farther under his hand.

Flowers were all over the place of the small building you had shared and lived with your mother your whole life, and the three siblings that were in and out all the time.

The Flora shop was under your hand now after your mother retired it was for you to take care of and you loved it that way.

Shapes and different colors of flowers were hanging up in pots and some were in neat places, that were stuck in the window, other herbs were laying on the long wooden table right next to the door.

The bell that signals a customer that was coming in looking up a smile spread over your face, the smile dropped when you saw Wyll. What the hell he was here and why at the flora shop standing frozen behind the desk, "Wyll"?

setting the bouquet of flowers that you were wrapping some of red ribbon around the stems, he had horns curved around his one pretty brown eye was black, and the iris was pure red what happened to him, you knew about the eye he lost in battle that was the time he was still writing to you and that was months before he left with no notice.

"Your still here how am I not Suprise " he said in a playful tone, like those two years were never real.

You never hold a grudge agent Wyll You knew he was always adventures spirt, and you were the complete opposite comfortable just to stay in your flower shop, not wanting to travel outside your little bubble. There he was you moved away from the desk where you were putting flower togethers walking to where he was still in front of the door.

You wanted to scream at him and be upset but deep down you wanted to huge him and thank any god or goddess who was listening. It never felt like you two were just friends, but something else and right now that what it felt like, if it was not him and someone saying that he was dead it would of destroy you.

Smiling has you walk toward him. His face turned surprised when your tiny frame wrapped around his waist, not caring about the dirt and the grime.

You were not mad everyone has their reasons just to leave but he came back and that all what matter. Grabbing his larger hand basically dragging him to the patio it was your favorite place to talk when you two were younger, Wyll looked around like he never left.

You grin leaning against the table flowers were right in the middle of the table. When Wyll told you everything about the group of people "Wait" You held up your hand and chuckling "You are friends with a vampire" You smirked "A Montser hunter be friend a monster" You teased and Wyll snicker "Okay laugh it up"

It felt so good to see him, but she wanted answer, right before he left the city the spend the night together it haunted you was this their fault you Shaked the memories away and moved your hands to reach over to grab Wyll bringing his hands to move them on the small table

Leaning your lips down and kissing the top of his hands he chuckled "You missed me uh." Wyll said rolling your eyes has you push your way out of the chair to come closer wrapping your arms around his neck your index finger went under his chin and tilted him up.

You were always something more than friends and you both conformed how much you both missed and love each other.

"Just a little but you owe me for just abandoning me" Leaning down kissing his lips you could feel the giant smile on his face, his large hands went to your waist deepening the kiss has you almost fall on his lips,

He snickered and nodded his hand trying to not hit you with his horns he kissed your lips for the last time "Well let's go somewhere, just you and me " He says.

You were glad so thankful he did not just forget about you. Nodding your head and putting your hand out "Always" you say and left the flower shop glad you had one of the most important person back in your life.

#wyll ravengard #the blade of frontiers #wyll x reader #wyll bg3 #wyll my beloved #angst #fluff #ibaldur's gate 3 #baldur gate 3 #baldur gate iii #baldurs gate wyll #dnd character #fluff imagine #friends to lovers

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baezdylan · 13 days

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HII hello my lovely!!!! how are you doing!!! i hope youre having the best month <333 okay so. writing to u bc....i have recently started listening to joan baez after seeing your posts (i am eternally grateful btw...) and now OH MY GOD i am. in love with her. like!!!!! GAHHH <333 i would absolutely love to know your favourite baez songs. ALSO all your thoughts on baez + dylan i am enraptured they are sooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! :'))))))))) like. you KNOW!!! literally cannot stop watching live performances interviews etc of them and feeling unwell after... :(((( anyways!!! lots of love to you and eternal kisses and a million yellow daises <3333 MWAHH xx

HELLO BELOVED!!!!! I read this ask while with my mom so basically we spent the last 2 hours putting this together:

every song and every poem is joan's song and joan's poem, i genuinely don't care who wrote these 👍 walt whitman? lorca? rimbaud? dylan? sounds fake to me. 🤷‍♀️ (<- girl talking about some of her favourite poets. well! they do not exist when joan is in the room🥰) okay so, we pictured this as some sort of poetry reading, that's also a concert, but it's also an opera number and you're in the theatre. (i witnessed a super cool outdoors concert thingy today so i'm a bit overwhelmed by that! hope some of the energy translated to the playlist hehe)

FRIEND! I AM SO TOUCHED! This blog was created for this very purpose, it is very much not about me I just occasionally use it as a diary, but I primarily wanted to share everything I loved with others and every time something like this happens I feel like I'm doing what I was always meant to do so thank you! For reaching out and being so kind! Joan forever ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

I GET THE BAEZDYLAN THING!!!!!! I try not to get too crazy about real people (Jo. Jo. Jo. you were born to be parasocial *shaking myself by the shoulders*) Putting my silly ways in a box under my bed now, I do attach myself to the art primarily so all my affection for the person behind it stems from that art and doesn't exist separately as its own thing because I don't exactly know these people, I just made 73838374937583 stories about them as a kid. BUT! THE THING IS! The essence of BaezDylan translates to their artistry and I could never tell you more than those live recordings tell you because it's literally this... okay okay so it's like do you know when you read a book and you feel like the author had some great life secret whispered to them and then some of it pours into you through the pages??? THAT is BaezDylan (I am writing them as one person on purpose)... I don't think they could explain what was going on there because it sort of outgrows anything a singular person could be, it just had to find a home in the music because it couldn't fit anywhere else. I've only started believing in these things wholeheartedly recently (even though, in a way, I have always known), but they have that thing where you know this one person, but their name isn't that important. It's like they're you in some primal way so you speak the same language, but they're also there to teach you a lesson and that immediately makes them a little unearthly in return. I would insert quotes and start analysing them, but I might start crying so I won't do that.

I LOVE YOU 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

#💌restless wind inside a letter box💌#this ask made me tear up you're so kind :“)

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cheesus-doodles · 2 years

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Heya it’s Winky Wink!

After a few days of contemplating on how on earth can I turn sweet as cinnamon rolls reader to cheat on the TR boys, I come to a conclusion that it’s impossible, UNLESS, the boys are the ones who accused reader of such act.

According to “Am I Ugly”, lots of the boys think our reader is so beautiful that for her to have such thought is a blasphemy. Therefore, I guess lots of them find her to be so pretty that she is an “insects magnet”. They probably feel insecure of leaving reader unmonitored, what if some bozos look at her and fell in love at first sight? Sometimes they realize that it’s not reader intention but another time, they felt like they were played by this person, who are they to play with their hearts so easily, and who are they to make them worry about reader to this extend. Thus, some of them may feel that reader intentionally want to make them jealous with how many men surrounded her (of course all of these are just their delusional talk). Some of them will accused reader for it despite the fact that they know it’s not reader’s fault just to make an excuse to keep reader for themselves and some may deeply believe that reader is actually cheating with one their low ranking members. Some may punished her severely and some just punished her to make the acting more believable.

winky wink why do you like to put me through this... /jk this is a super interesting scenario, if you want to see anyone else just hmu - but each scenario is too long help me

Masterlist

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Izana would definitely be delusional enough to believe that you were actively trying to cheat on him, just from the sole fact that you attract a lot of unwanted attention from other guys. You know this baby boy is super insecure stemming from his rocky childhood, and probably has recurring nightmares about you abandoning him like everyone else has in his past - and you don't blame him in the slightest or really mind to be honest. If not for the fact that the only reason you were drawing so much attention was his fault to begin with. Izana absolutely loves to show you off as much as he can and as often as he can, especially so when you're on his arm and the two of you are out together. So be prepared to be begged and whined and pleaded (and sometimes just shoved) into wearing something shorter, more revealing than you would ever consider wearing yourself, so that Izana could revel in all the envious eyes on the two of you.

Nothing happens when he shows you off to the rest of Tenjiku - everyone knows the fate awaiting them if they even breathe wrong in your direction. But Izana's outfit choices become a problem when you two are out in public. This boy hates leaving your side for any reason, because like a swarm of flies to honey all these scum will descend on you the moment you don't have him there, all vying for a chance at your hand. And the churn of anger when he finds you flustered and surrounded and in his eyes, not trying hard enough to send away the trash is not anything he can ignore - you must be trying to make him feel jealous. You must be thinking of leaving him. It's okay if everyone else fell in love with you, that was basically a given since you were his, but you falling for anyone else was absolutely illegal. You can be sure Izana would come to your rescue in a heartbeat, but don't think that you would be free from your own punishment once he was done handing out thrashings to all these insects - he certainly won't let you off so easily for giving away your priceless attention so freely.

‎

Mikey, on the other hand, would be the complete opposite of his adopted brother. He knows you well - almost better than the back of his own hand if he was being true to himself - there was not much about you or the way your mind ticks that surprises him anymore. This boy is nothing but confident in himself, confident in his relationship with you, and of course, confident in his own reputation that you carry everyone you go. Doesn't matter whether he is out on the streets with you or you go alone when he is busy with Toman matters, Mikey has never doubted that your loyalty to him - just wasn't in your gentle nature. Love to bring you out to show you off, be it to the rest of Toman or on the streets (the only similarity with Izana you can get him to admit). Still, even with his security, Mikey hates to leave you alone to your own devices - seeing the danger more from the fawning crowd that seem to sprout around you the moment he isn't there rather than from you.

Wannabes never quite bothered this boy, but Mikey will still take the opportunity to tighten your ties to him. Clears out the crowd simply by staring down at them or with a few swipes of his leg - if this was outside on the streets where there are convenient tucked away alleys, even better. Because he'll have to punish you for "playing with his heart" like that, but first things first would be to make a show in front of you of almost toying with the poor souls that thought they had a chance. This boy would never bother to waste his time if you weren't here - just beat them up, break a few bones, and then leave to wander off and find you. But ah since you were here, this would be part of your punishment too. The pleas of you offering to take some of their beatings yourself do make him unhappy for the first time during the course of this outing - he wasn't planning on hurting you that bad, but for you to step in for some nobodies? Mikey had to teach you a lesson.

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Chifuyu is probably the kindest of the bunch when it comes to this sticky situation, and why would he not be? He's a total sweet bean. This boy tries to be reassured and confident in the relationship he has with you - after all, you haven't shown any sign of being unhappy with him or jumping ship. Makes his day when he does have the down time to hang out with you between school, Baji and Toman, absolutely love to take you out to do whatever you want, be it just hanging out, walking the street or cafe hopping. Chifuyu wants nothing more than to feel secure in leaving you unmonitored out in public - that you would be safe, but he knows that isn't quite possible. Feels a mix of pride, anger and jealousy when he sees the lingering gazes on you while you were out with him; pride that you chose him out of all the simpering messes, anger at where these nobodies think they can leave their gazes on you, and jealousy at the thought that some bozo could fall in love with you.

This boy know better than to think you actually want this attention: you look way too uncomfortable in the mess of people flirting and crowding and touching. Chifuyu always steps in and dishes out thrashings, but never beyond what these scum deserve pushing past your boundaries. And he would never, ever lay a hand on you - you never asked to be involved in any of this, a victim. Tries to help desuade trash from messing with you whenever he isn't available by lending you his Toman jacket to wear or by asking someone he trusts to accompany you instead, but he still feels better if its him by your side. But don't forget to take the time to reassure and soothe him as well in the coming days - the only person Chifuyu is really punishing is himself. He's scared that he didn't protect you well enough, that you might leave him for someone more worthy, that your heart was stolen. This baby boy just needs some loving after a rough day.

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There are none who are needier than Kazutora, or any more insecure than him. Another extremely insecure boy, Kazutora struggles regularly in even believing that you wanted to be with him, because how could he not? Someone as kind and gentle as perfect as you had no business being with people like him - scarred, mean and with a bloodied history and stained hands. Yet you are the sun that his world revolves around, and this baby boy have no idea if he could go on living should you ever get stolen away from him. Kazutora sees threats in every corner and every one, boys and girls alike, and he would never dream of letting you leave the house without him - not to attend school, not to walk out in public, nothing. Though unfortunately as much as he is clingy and glued to your side, you ultimately have to be out by yourself at times when he gets called away.

Kazutora thought that the one place you would be safe would be at gang meetings, be it Toman or Valhalla, because the lower ranks would think twice before making a move. But seeing you being kind to one of the members, essentially just being yourself, made all the self-doubt swell up in a tidal wave, and this boy could think of nothing else. This scum - this absolute trash of society - he must have fallen in love with you, and was trying to steal you away from him. You wouldn't cheat on him, would you? You must be cheating on him, you must be playing playing games with his heart. No amount of reassurances from you that no, you weren't in love just because you helped them, would soothe Kazutora's jealousy. Revenge would come fast and brutally, whether or not you were there to witness - whoever takes the brunt of his wrath would be lucky to be able to walk again. Though he would never dream of touching you, there's no telling what he'll do if he spirals.

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Sanzu is similar to yet worlds apart from Mikey, another one who is extremely confident in the relationship he shared with you. You live rent-free on a pedestal in his mind alongside Mikey whether you like it or not, and this boy would go to any lengths to make sure you get the respect you deserve. Honestly, Sanzu cares little about whether you're actually cheating on him, even if you would never (he knew you were as loyal as he was and that's why he fell). Because how could he expect someone as perfect as you to settle for a dog like him? Would 100% tag along with you as much as he possibly can (especially when he can't follow Mikey around), happy to do whatever you wanted - he's really up for anything if it's with you. Not fond of calling his stalking tendencies as "stalking" per se, so one could say he hates to leave you "unmonitored": too easy to get you corrupted without him there to keep you safe.

Looks down on the fawning messes that gather around you with a sneer of disgust mixed with pride - pride that you were his, that these lesser beings who didn't even deserve to breathe the same air as you would never get a chance to bathe in your presence like he does. Sanzu certainly enjoys every beating he gets to dish out in your name whenever someone has the balls to approach you, but its when you break rank to help a rival gang member that he snaps - how dare you? How dare you sully yourself with such filth? How dare you be kind to some nobody that wasn't him? How dare you try and get down from your pedestal? It's really then when the brutality comes out in waves, not only to the wretched soul who you unknowingly dragged into Sanzu's warpath, but yourself in particular. He'll teach you from scratch again how to be perfect since you couldn't just follow along.

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