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ineffably-human · 7 months

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It honest to God took me a month to rewatch the last two episodes of this season of Shadows, because I'm still so mad about how they handled Guillermo's decision. And I'm probably going to always be mad. I think this season wasted a lot of time that could have been spent laying better groundwork, for both Guillermo's decision and for Nadja and the Guide's subplot.

But something did click into place for me in that very last scene, where Derek's being ushered down by Topher to meet the other zombies. Season Three was unofficially about power and protection. Season Four was officially about change. I thought this season was going to be about secrets. But it's actually about belonging to a community.

The vampires were out in the world a lot more this season. Colin runs for public office (passing among humans as he can), which drags him into the interests of the community of energy vampires. Nadja connects to a community from her homeland, and winds up caring about them more than she ever expected. Laszlo's mostly focused on the experiments, but his natural ease with Sean (and humans in general) is on display a few times - and when the vampires think he's in distress, they throw a whole party to rally him. The Guide, of course, struggles the whole season with feeling like an outsider who can't be part of the group she cares for.

Sean links the vampires to the pride parade, not just celebrating the queer community, but making the vampires the face of queerness, of immigration, of Staten Island itself. (And Guillermo gets his first taste of Pride, and of a community he'd never been able to claim until recently.) At the same time, it's shown that vampires always feel like they're a step away from being found out by humans, of their surrounding community turning on them and forcing them out.

Nandor struggles throughout the season with social awkwardness, communicating, being misunderstood; he fails to connect with strangers without hypnosis guiding the conversation the way he wants it to go. But the other vampires have become his home, in a way that's evolved past their relationship during Season Three. He rallies them successfully during Local News. He and Colin Robinson look out for each other. Keeping Guillermo's secret is just as much about protecting Nandor as it is protecting Guillermo.

(It's still Guillermo he's always calling out for, though. With the certainty of someone who already knows where home is, he just hasn't named it yet.)

And as always, Guillermo is stuck in between two worlds. He can't connect fully with his bio family, but can't truly step away from them. He wants to be a vampire, but his transformation fights him and he can't see humans as prey. He wants to come when Nandor calls, but can't tell him about the biggest thing that's happening to him.

By the finale he feels more isolated from the vampires than ever, to the point that he can't see what's actually happening: by the time they all know his secret, the others have rallied around him, and are seeing him as another member of the family in need of protecting.

And once Nandor realizes that he cares more about losing Guillermo than his own pride, he deliberately brings that community to Guillermo: he introduces Guillermo as the fifth of their household, and throws him a birthday party to bookend the one at the start of the season. He makes Guillermo a ceremony, invites everyone they know, and asks if he's willing to become one of them forever.

And it's not that Guillermo doesn't want to be a vampire. He does, desperately. It's that he can't stop also being a human.

So instead it's Derek (a vampire basically living as a human, and deeply lonely for it) who is ushered into a new community ready to welcome him, something Guillermo has always been hoping for.

("Do you like eating human flesh? Heh, you will!")

Guillermo still doesn't have The Thing he wants, not really. He still has to name exactly what it is. But Nandor helped guide him towards where home is. And Laszlo helped him pick up the pieces. The vampires don't love Guillermo like a fellow vampire, but they love him like Guillermo, and like with Colin last year that doesn't just reset. It can't. The roots are in too deep, it's already bound everyone stronger.

We'll just have to wait to see what it turns into.

#fandom: wwdits #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #i am a meta gremlin #otp: nandermo #nandermo

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taxonomicons · 1 year

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Nandor is remarkably intelligent sometimes and no one talks about it because he’s usually a bumbling fool.

He’s incredibly hygienic and obsessed with cleanliness, traits that would have helped him and his soldiers live longer in a time without modern medicine, doctors, and running water.

He follows certain rules religiously, like the werewolf agreement, chain email instructions, warriors code, ect. As a means of saving peoples lives or preventing harm.

Picking the squeaky bone in a werewolf duel instead of a traditional weapon.

The first thing he did after the Sire escaped was host a press conference. He clearly understands that media control is crucial to maintaining power and leadership as well as preventing mass panic.

Out of all the conflicts to happen wether physical or mental, Nandor is almost always the one to suggest diplomacy rather than violence. It’s Nadja, Laszlo, and even Guillermo who pick the fights even though Nandor is the one who was a military general famous for pillaging.

Despite claiming that he thinks Colin’s death is a joke he still got up from his super slumber to see him, something he didn’t even do for the world wide vampiric council. He’s emotionally intelligent enough to understand that Colin’s death, real or not, is something he should show up for because he cares.

He and Guillermo play chess together on a regular basis.

Nandor makes terrible decisions all the time and his lack of knowledge on the modern world makes him come off as dumb, but he’s so observant especially with people. He understands how to control situations and others very well even if he’s an idiot. Every smart choice he’s ever made was informed by his ability to read the room. Nandor’s power isn’t in his muscles or fangs, it’s his ability to navigate social situations.

#I say this like he hasn’t failed every romantic relationship he’s ever had…#everyone calls him a stupid (me included) but he isn’t dumb he’s just uninformed #this is idiot Nandor erasure :)#nandor wwdits #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #nandermo #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #guillermo x nandor #vampire slayer #wwdits fx #nandor the idiot #Nandor

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cookinguptales · 9 months

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The nadja and Guillermo this episode 😭 he told her he loves her, the "our familiar " "hes mine" her losing her shit trying to find him. calling him over and over, calling for his help and him finally breaking out of his high to help her. I love relationships where one character is so "allergic" to any kind of affection from another character until something bad happens and you see them lose it.

I loved ittttt, my faves are finally showing affection for each other. Like I know I'm a hardcore Guillermo/Nandor Nadja/Laszlo shipper, but god, I have wanted Guillermo and Nadja to bond for years. They're my two favorite characters and they would get along famously if they'd just let it happen.

That said, I do think that at least consciously "he's mine" meant "he's mine to kill" lmao. Subconsciously I think she's fond of him in a way she can't quite admit or articulate, but I do think her main (acknowledged) emotion at that moment was "fuck you if you think I'll let you kill him before I get to the bottom of this." The unacknowledged stuff came later.

I think it wasn't until they had a minute to breathe and talk that she had to actually come to terms with the idea that Guillermo and Nandor could actually be destroyed together in one fell swoop, and she had to admit that she didn't want that to happen. Not to either of them.

I do think that vampires in general have this odd thing where love and possession seem intertwined. Nandor is hers, Laszlo is hers, and she belongs to them as well. And so I think some of the affection for Guillermo is similar. He is theirs. Theirs to love or theirs to punish or theirs to order around as they please. He's theirs -- and that can be something that's disparaging or affectionate or both.

I think Guillermo understands that, too. Sometimes it annoys him and sometimes it comforts him, the way they claim him. I think sometimes he just wants to be able to claim them, too, and what hurts him most is when they refuse to be his.

What's delightful, though, is that more and more and more they really are consenting to be his as well. We saw that a little bit in this episode when Nadja insisted he was hers and then, in saving her, sort of insisted that he claim her from the doctor as well. She didn't just want him to kill the doctor and she didn't just want to be saved; she wanted Guillermo to claim her as his to protect. She wanted Guillermo to take a stand for both of their sakes. And she did indeed praise him for how he did it, even though she was angry with him.

(Side note, the two of them working together and fighting together and praising each other had me feral.)

But yeah. The power dynamics in this show are fucked to hell and I love it.

#replies #wwdits #wwdits spoilers

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mothguillotine · 5 months

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Is It Still Family Dinner If You Can't Eat?

When you wake up, the sun has just about gone down. Nandor is still sleeping, and during the night, you had moved to lay on top of his chest. You just lay there for a bit, enjoying the feeling of being pressed into Nandor. A few minutes later, you feel him starting to move.

"Good evening," you tell Nandor, looking up at him resting your chin on your hands, "I didn't realize that you are a cuddler."

"Why would I not?" he asks you, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I don't know," you say, "not that I mind it."

You both lay on the bed for a while, talking, until you hear a commotion down the hall. At first, you think that luckily, it doesn't involve you until your door is thrown open. Standing on the other side is Guillermo, who looks shocked.

"GUILLERMO!" You and Nandor yell at the same time.

"AHHH!" Guillermo shouts and covers his eyes.

"Shut the door!" You yell at him, which he does quickly.

On the other side of the door, Guillermo is looking directly into the camera, and he looks traumatized.

_________________________________________

Downstairs Nadja and Laszlo are sitting down in front of the camera, and they look pleased.

"Our plan, it finally worked." Nadja says smiling, "Our dear friends have finally fucked. After so many days of managing them they haven't been able to get their hands off each other."

They both stop for a moment and the sounds of moaning can be heard echoing from upstairs.

"Unfortunately an unforeseen consequence of this has been the noise." Laszlo says, "It has been making my dear wife and I very horny."

"I honestly don't know how much more I can take," she says, "you know what. I am done."

Nadja stands up and rips off her microphone. She leaves the room and Laszlo quickly takes off his own microphone as well. They both move up the stairs at a fast rate while the crew closely follows behind.

When they approach the door the sounds of moaning become louder and louder. The crew, still filming, watch as Laszlo knocks on the door and the moaning suddenly stops. A few moments later Nandor is peeking out of the door.

The crew is unable to hear anything said by the vampires but they continue to watch them. Nandor turns back into the room, presumably to tell you something, and then Nandor opens the door. Nadja and Laszlo move quickly into the room and the crew runs down the hall. When they get there they hear the moaning start back up with new voices.

_________________________________________

Later in the evening you and Nandor are sitting together on the sofa in front of the fireplace. You are both reading books that you found in the library. His arm is wrapped securely around you and is pulling you into him. The last few days have been spent together and honestly you are at the happiest you've ever been, the only thing that could make it better is having your best friend with you.

Over the last few days with Nandor you have been surprised with how much he's told you about his past. The stories range from twenty to six hundred years ago. He tells you about Al Qolnidar and his time as a general during the Ottoman Empire.

You tell him about how you moved from the Midwest when you were nine and moved to Staten Island. The entire time you are talking he is fully invested in what you are saying. It's nice to actually be listened to by someone and you never expected that person to be Nandor.

The one thing it felt like you didn't really talk about was what the thing between you was. It felt silly to call him your boyfriend, the man is over 600 years old and the term ‘boyfriend’ doesn't really fit him. You guys have fucked quite a few times and not once have you had a conversation about how you both feel.

“Master,” Guillermo says standing in the doorway, “Laszlo wishes to see you in the front yard.”

“Coming, Guillermo.” he says back and stands up, “I will be right back, my dove.”

You stay sitting at the sofa and check your phone. Still nothing from Oscar, you honestly expected for him to understand what had happened but you were wrong. Over the past few days you have realized that if Oscar doesn’t want to be in your life anymore you should let him go, as much as you want him in your life.

_________________________________________

Guillermo had been observing you over the last few days. He had noticed that while you were happy it was obvious something was bothering you. He knew what it was, given the amount you were checking your phone to see if Oscar had texted you back yet and honestly it was starting to concern him. Guillermo knew that the last thing you wanted to do was hurt Oscar and you did that, unfortunately.

Guillermo felt as though if Oscar could see how much you were hurting over what happened, your relationship may be repaired. What he also knew is that if you found out what he was planning you would stop him and so would any of the vampires, given how negatively he reacted the other day. So he would have to do this in secret. Guillermo puts his plan into action. He knows he needs a reason to get out of the house covertly. He quickly asks around to see if anyone needs anything from the store.

When he has his list of items that people need he exits the house. Outside Guillermo sees Nandor and Laszlo speaking with Sean on the front lawn. He just knows that this is gonna be tricky to get out of here without drawing attention to himself. He tries his hardest to sneak by unnoticed and stays in the shadows as much as possible while moving slowly. Unfortunately when Guillermo is nearly at the edge of the lawn he is seen by Sean.

“G-money,” Sean yells, “get over here. We were just talking about Nandors new girl, over here”

“Yes, we were just talking about my girlfriend.” Nandor tells him proudly when gets close to the fence.

“Your girlfriend?” Guillermo asks.

“Yes, Gizmo.” Laszlo says, “Keep up.”

“Okay, well anyways, Master, do you need anything from the store?” Guillermo asks, “Nadja asked me to-”

“Guillermo I am busy, please leave.” Nandor dismisses him.

“Okay master.” Guillermo says and turns to leave.

“Wait, Guillermo.” Nandor says and Guillermo is worried he is caught, “Can you get more candles? They make a very romantic atmosphere.”

“Of course, Master.” he tells him realizing that nobody actually cares if he leaves or not and this whole plan was a waste.

_________________________________________

After amusing Sean for a while and agreeing to go with him on a ‘guys trip’ the next weekend, Nandor was finally allowed to go back inside. Even though he longed to spend time with you he was forced to sit down in front of the camera.

“Over the past few weeks I have realized something. I think I have finally found the vampire I wish to spend the rest of my life with.” Nandor tells the camera, “After centuries of searching I am finally done.”

“I know that we have only been together for a short amount of time,” Nandor says, “but after being around for centuries I know when someone is right for me.”

_________________________________________

When Guillermo arrives at Oscar's apartment he takes a few moments before going to knock. He gathers himself and thinks about what he will tell Oscar, but when he goes to the door and knocks it's like all of his brain cells leave. Then Oscar opens the door and Guillermo really can't think of anyone to say.

“Guillermo, right?” Oscar asks, “What are you doing here? Are you going to kidnap me again? Because if you are, I really would prefer it if you didn't.”

“No!” Guillermo says suddenly, “I just want to know if you want to see her?”

“Listen, I know that she is upset but I don't know if I can be around her anymore. I can barely wrap my mind around the whole ‘vampires are real’ thing and on top of that my best friend is one.” he tells Guillermo, “I love her so much but it's just too much for me right now.”

“Okay.” Guillermo says.

“Really?” he asks, “That simple? You aren't trying to trick me or anything, right?”

“No, I just-” Guillermo starts, “I can get how it is a lot. I just wanted to tell you how bad she's been since you came over. She didn't tell me to come or anything. Honestly if she found out that I was here she might eviscerate me.”

“Well that would be a shame.” Oscar tells him, “You are too cute for disembowelment.”

“I- um… what?” Guillermo asks but Oscar just smiles.

“Do you want to come in and have some tea or coffee? or maybe something stronger?” Oscar asks him.

“uhh- yeah. That would be nice.” Guillermo says.

_________________________________________

At home you are cleaning up a bit, while Guillermo is using the one picking up, whenever the mood strikes you get into the zone. You decided to clean up the foyer and turn on some tunes.

Living with the vampires you do unfortunately the are absolutely fucking horrible at using techniques which means many things are out of date in the house. Such as instead of having a tv with spotify on it they had a historical record player.

This just did not work for you, mostly because the only music they had is original recordings. So when you moved in you brought your record player, with a variety of albums. For this particular job you knew that you needed a fun record so you decided on ABBA.

“YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEN. YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY SEVENTEEN!!!” you sing.

“Are you singing a song from Mamma Mia?!” Nadja asks you excitedly.

“uh, yeah. I guess.” you tell her, “I mean this particular recording is the one from the band.”

“The band?” she asks.

“Well, yeah. The songs that they use in the movie are by the band ABBA.” You tell her.

“I want to hear more.” she tells you when the record comes to an end.

“Okay.” you tell her picking up your ABBA albums, “Pick out which one.”

You and Nadja spend time listening to your albums when you give up on cleaning, until Nandor and Laszlo return from outside. As soon as they get back in the house Lazslo and Nadja retire to their room. Which leaves you and Nandor by yourselves in the library.

“What took you so long?” you ask him when he sits on the couch.

“Sean, our neighbor, was very chatty tonight,” he tells you as you get pulled into his lap.

“Oh yeah? What did you talk about?” you ask, sinking into him while bringing your hand up to play with the ends of his hair.

“He wanted to talk about going up to his cabin next weekend for a ‘guys trip’.” he tells you, “he was also asking about you.”

“Oh, me?” You ask confused, “What did he say?”

“Well, he was just wondering who you were,” he tells you, “I just told him that you are my girlfriend.”

“Your girlfriend?” You ask him, “I'm your girlfriend?”

You were right when you had thought it to be weird to refer to Nandor as your ‘boyfriend’ but the look on his face when he called you his girlfriend was unrivaled. Over the last few days, you had wondered what exactly your relationship was, and the idea that he decided to say that you were boyfriend-girlfriend was kinda funny.

“Is that not what humans call the people they are courting?” he asks you confused.

“No. I mean, yeah, it is, but I mean, you just never asked me to be your girlfriend.” You tell him.

“Oh, I just thought that the ‘stuff’ that we were doing meant you wanted to be with me.” he tells you and he looks sad.

“No, I do.” you tell him, “I just want you to ask me.”

“Okay. Will you be my girlfriend?” Nandor asks you.

“Yes, of course I will.” you tell him and go to kiss him. Both of you stay on the sofa for a while, chatting and kissing.

“Master!” Guillermo announces, “I'm back!”

“Oh, hey Guillermo,” you greet him when he enters the library, “Where did you go?”

“Oh, uh, just to the store.” he tells you, “Nadja needed some things.”

“Okay,” you say, “You found everything that you needed?”

“Oh yeah,” Guillermo says, “found it all.”

“Okay?” you say, starting to get suspicious. Guillermo may be able to trick the rest of your housemates but you could tell something was up.

_________________________________________

Guillermo was starting to feel really bad about what he had done. At first he had focused on helping your and Oscar's relationship but after a few glasses of wine he had lost the point of the conversation. He wasn't quite sure at what point it had led to his bedroom but it did.

Seeing you in the library had made him feel even more guilty than before. He wasn't supposed to be at Oscar's apartment much less fucking him. Guillermo honestly did know which one you would be more upset about.

He knew that ‘that’ couldn't happen again. No matter how much he enjoyed spending time with Oscar or how he honestly didn't feel that bad, but he felt bad about not feeling bad. It was just very confusing.

So he went over again to tell Oscar face-to-face why the next morning. Which, in hindsight, was a bad idea, because it led Guillermo to not saying anything and instead being invited in yet again.

This time though Guillermo loses track of time and when he finally looks at his phone he realizes it's nearly sunset.

“Shit,” Guillermo says looking down at his phone and suddenly stands up, “I have to go. It's almost time for me to get them up.”

“Okay,” Oscar says to Guillermo, “here's my number, you know, to text or whatever.”

“Oh, yeah.” Guillermo says, smiling.

“Yeah.” Oscar says handing him a piece of paper, presumably with his number on it.

“Okay,” he says when he gets a notification from Uber that his ride is here, “I have to go but I'll text you, yeah?”

“Perfect,” Oscar says as they walk to the door, “I'll see you later, Guillermo.”

Guillermo gives him a thumbs up and Oscar closes the door.

“Why did I give him a thumbs up?” Guillermo asks himself, “That was so stupid.”

He gets back to the house just in time to wake you all up and start work for the day. His first order of business was to wake everyone up from their slumber. After that he collects the mail from outside.

Recently Nadja has had a bit of an obsession with online shopping after you showed her and the state of the porch was proof of that. Many packages were stacked atop one another, most of them addressed to Nadja and some for you. The mail has a few things for Colin, a subscription called TopiaryMonthly for Laszlo, and a single letter addressed to you.

“Hey guys!” Guillermo calls, “The mail is here!”

“Coming!” Nadja vocalizes.

Guillermo watches as Nadja runs down the hall excitedly with Dolly.

“I bought you so much, my lovely bitch.” Nadja tells herself.

“Oh!” Dolly shouts, “I am so excited!”

Nadja hurriedly rips open her packages leaving a massive mess of boxes, bubble wrap, and tissue paper, which he knows he has to clean up. You arrive to collect your packages soon after Nadja leaves the foyer.

“Hey, which ones are mine?” You ask Guillermo.

“You have these three,” Guillermo tells you, handing the packages over, “and you have a letter.”

“Oh really?” You ask, “I haven't submitted my change of address form.”

You set your packages down, and Guillermo hands you the letter. When you take one glance at it, you know who it's from.

“Fuck.” you say exhaling.

“What?” Guillermo asks you.

“It's from my family.” you tell him and he looks concerned.

_________________________________________

“I wouldn't say I have a bad relationship with my parents,” you tell the camera, “We just don't always get along. Like normal families, I mean they yell a lot. More than even around here.”

When Guillermo first handed you the letter, it took your breath away for a second. They shouldn't know where you are and how they found you. You have no idea. The letter basically said that if you didn't come home soon, they would come here, and that definitely would not be good.

“I don't know what to do.” You say, “I can't exactly say ‘hey, mom and dad. I'm a vampire now.’ I mean, that's crazy, but it's true.”

You still haven't told Nandor everything about you, especially not the fact that your parents are crazy. In this life, you wanted them to not be involved. After years and years of being controlled by them, you wouldn't do it anymore. Which is why you end up on the doorstep of the home you grew up in.

You hold up your hand to knock but can't bring yourself to do it. Before you can turn to leave, the door bursts open, and behind it is your mom.

“Hey, mom.” you say.

“Where the hell have you been?” your mom says.

“I was just, you know, around.” You cover.

“Around where?” she asks, “I haven't seen you in over a month and have gotten barely any texts. Nani thought you were dead.”

“Ma, I'm fine.” You tell her, “I was just busy.”

“Are you sure?” she asks, “You look skinny.”

“Mom, I'm fine.” You assure her.

“Okay,” she says, “Well come in. Are you waiting for an invitation?”

When you walk into the house, it feels weird. A few months ago, when you had last seen the house, your life was so much different. Back then, you were more agreeable before you met Nadja, Laszlo, and Guillermo before Nador, when you were human still.

But you aren't human anymore and this house feels almost claustrophobic. The smells and sounds are overwhelming to say the least. Living in the house you have grown accustomed to the noises and smells of the old home, but this is overwhelming.

“Just sit at the table sweetie,” your mom calls from the kitchen and you sit down in the dining room, “We will bring out dinner.”

The smell of the food in the kitchen is enough to make you nauseous and the sounds in the house that you had never noticed before, were starting to overwhelm you. And when your parents bring out the food to the table it gets significantly worse.

“So, how has my little girl been?” your dad asks you.

“Good,” you tell him simply, “How are you?”

“We are good.” he says.

“Good.” you tell him.

All of you stay silent for a while, which is very awkward. You push your food around with a fork and bring it up every so often to take faux-bites.

“Do you want some to take home?” your mom asks.

“Uh, yeah,” you tell her, planning to give Guillermo them, “It will heat up good.”

Your mom stands up to get some tupperware for the food in the kitchen.

“So, we need to talk to you about something,” your dad tells you, “It's very serious.”

“Okay?” you ask confused, “What is it?”

“Well this isn't going to be easy to hear,” your father starts, and you can't help but hope that your parents are finally getting a divorce, “We are moving back home.”

“Okay.” you tell him, “That's it? You and mom are moving back home?”

“Well, no.” he says, “You are coming too.”

“What do you mean I'm coming too?” you ask him, “My whole life is here. My friends are here.”

“Well we are a part of your life too.” your dad says, growing more frustrated, “You are coming with us.”

“No, I'm not,” you tell him standing up suddenly from the table, “I am a fucking adult! I can choose where I live and you can't do anything about it.”

You decided to forego the leftovers and just go back home to your family. Before your mom or dad can say anything else, you slam the front door. After traveling down the road a bit so you are out of your parents' sight, you transform into a bat.

_________________________________________

Back at home it's quiet, Guillermo is texting away with Oscar, Nadja and Laszlo are working on a new song, Nandor is reading a new book you ordered for him about Al Qolnidar, and Colin is doing whatever the hell Colin does. So when you come inside the foyer Guillermo sees you right away, looking upset.

“Are you okay?” Guillermo says when he stands up to help you with your coat and bag.

“Yeah, I just,” you start to say, “my parents are just annoying. They want me to move back to Michigan with them. Which I obviously can't do, not that I want to.”

“What are you gonna do?” Guillermo asks you softly.

“I don't know,” you say, as you fall back on one of the chairs in the entryway, “Just try to get them to leave without me and if that doesn't work then hypnotize them.”

“Hypnotize them to forget about you?” Guillermo asks you, “What if your family asks about you? Then what? They just don't know?”

“Well no that wouldn't work.” you tell him, “What if I hypnotized them into just leaving?”

“That could work.” he tells you.

“But that's like the last choice.” you tell him, “I don't want to hypnotize them.”

“Yeah, absolutely. Only if we have no other choice.” Guillermo promises.

Masterlist

#nandor the relentless #nandor the relentless x reader #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #lazslo cravensworth #nadja of antipaxos #wwdits nandor #guillermo de la cruz #colin robinson #female reader

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beansprean · 10 months

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Your post about Nandor and alexthymia actually goes with a theory that I've been thinking about. The theory is that ALL vampires, when they are turned, lose their empathy, along with outgrowths of it, like theory of mind and understanding of emotion in general. This lack mostly applies to humans, but it can also extend to vampires.

Throughout the show (and a lot of the movie), all the vampires have trouble fitting into society. Not because of their fangs or grey skin, but because they are painfully socially awkward. Vampires not only flout social norms, but also seem to be unaware of them. You can see this with Nandor at the gym. He doesn't pick up on modern gym norms, and instead enacts the norms from when he was human.

That's one of their methods for fitting into society without theory of mind. When they turned into vampires, they lost the ability to pick up on human social cues, so they think back to when they did have them, and instead of remembering the way they read humans, they simply remember the rules. They don't feel anymore, so they use rules to compensate. This is when they try to fit in.

When they don't try, they don't bother with the pretense. They are completely unable to put themselves in humanity's shoes. You can see this in the movie, in a particularly memeorable moment. The vampires like to play tricks of the visitors by turning spaghetti into worms, when the guests are eating it. There are two guests, and right after she saw the vampires play the trick on the other guest, they try it again. Now, this was played as a humorous moment, but it does exemplify the vampires' inability to conceptualize human minds.

But, vampires are capable of change, as we see in the show. The vampires actually show a rudimentary form of empathy to Guillermo on occasion. I'm thinking of Nadja's moment of empathy with Guillermo, right after she lets his family go. She says something like 'I suppose I didn't like it when my family was murdered, so I guess Guillermo won't like it either'. That's empathy, that's perspective-taking, but it's rudimentary—it sounds like a thought a toddler would come up with, when first starting to conceptualize other minds. Their sense of human empathy has been reversed and stunted.

This is one of the main reasons for vampiric immaturity in the show. We don't see any of the elegant, manipulative vampires that are so prevalent in other media. They are evil, yes, but out of carelessness and inability. None of them can manipulate a human to save their lives. The vampires are also unable to empathize with other vampires, to a lesser extent. Because when a vampire dies, and other vampires are horrified, the horror stems from logical self-preservation. The reaction to these deaths is overwhelmingly 'meh' and 'against the code'. There's some rituals of grief (that memorial from the Theatre, for example) but they lack emotional subtext. This selfishness and lack of grief can also stems from an underdeveloped sense of empathy.

(A note on Nadja and Lazlo: they do have a persistent understanding of each other, but that still tends towards the simple. Note Lazlo killing Jeff because he makes Nadia sad. Also note Nadja brushing past Laszlo's objections to the UK by making a surface level read of his motivations: the vow doesn't matter because now they are more powerful. Luckily, this works for both of them because the receptive partner sees it the same way. This is an example of this rudimentary empathy expanding to their own minds as well, i.e. alexthymia)

There are a lot more examples of this in the text, those were just the ones I noticed. But anyway, this is why I agree with a lot of the fandom wanting to give prizes to the vampires for basic human decency. Because they are not human, their minds have changed and made decency a lot more difficult. Few people realize how much we depend on those centers of our minds for functioning in society and being in relationships; we only notice when coming upon the glaring lack of those centers. And there is a lot more to say about this, but this is really long already. I might write an essay.

This is SUPER INTERESTING

I would counter, however, and I'm not sure if this was your intended meaning, that these things do not automatically happen to vampires upon their turning. Instead, their sense of empathy is damaged and warped by hundreds of years of disassociating themselves from humanity, generally facing no consequences for their actions, and needing to kill to survive.

Kinda like billionaires

#vampires are cooler than billionares tho #djdjejeodk #anonymous

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gonzo-rella · 2 years

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Headcanons: Being The WWDITS Gang’s Asexual Vampire Friend

MASTERLIST | AO3 | KO-FI

Relationship(s): The What We Do in the Shadows Gang x asexual!gn!reader (platonic)

Warnings: Canon-typical sexual humour. (Let me know if I need to add any)

(A/N: If you’re reading this during Asexual Awareness Week, Happy Asexual Awareness Week. If not, I’ll give you a regular hello. I found out it’s Ace Awareness Week mere moments before starting this, so I decided to write something in celebration of the occasion. Of course, I love to represent my fellow aces year-round. If you ever have an ace!reader request- no matter the week- feel free to sent it in! Also, there’s more of a focus on a sex-neutral or sex-averse reader. Apologies to the sex-positive aces!)

At least one of them (by that, I mean Nadja, Laszlo or Nandor) tried to seduce you before they found out that you’re asexual.

Take your pick.

Despite their wounded pride and mild disappointment of you not being sexually attracted to them, they’d still be happy to be friends with you.

I feel like Guillermo and Colin would be the most understanding of asexuality.

Nadja, Laszlo and Nandor at least somewhat get it too- in their centuries on the Earth, they’ve met all different kinds of people, asexuals included.

But, if you’re an ace who doesn’t have sex, they do express pity you for not experiencing sex, something they all thoroughly enjoy.

Also, Nandor has definitely made some sort of comment about aspiring to your ‘strength and willpower’ for managing to go for so long without sex.

The guy genuinely thinks you possess the strength of a thousand average sized men.

Also, I’m sure at one point or another Laszlo has offered to ‘relieve you, if you’d like’.

It’s supposed to be a generous gesture of friendship.

Of course, Guillermo rolls his eyes whenever any of them make a comment of this nature.

Nandor, Nadja and Laszlo don’t really understand how one can live without experiencing sexual attraction.

They’re all respectful of your sexuality, though; it’s not a matter of them looking down on you.

Basically, they’re not aphobic; just comically sex-obsessed to the point of them having a slightly myopic worldview.

I can imagine that it’s somewhat difficult to fit into the vampire community when you’re not particularly interested in sex.

See: the Bi-Annual Vampire Orgy.

That said, if it’s a well-known fact in the community that you’re asexual, then I feel like most vampires would be understanding and considerate of it, because I said so, and the whole thing about some vampires having existed for so long that they’ve met plenty of different kinds of people.

Of course, you’re always welcome to attend the orgies for the food and social aspect of it.

I imagine that, if anyone does disrespect you, your boundaries, your sexuality etc., Nadja will be the most protective of you.

You can probably stand up for yourself, but she always has your back if you need it.

Overall, your vampire friends are accepting of you.

They won’t try to change you or convince you that you’re not who you are.

But, if you ever do change your mind on that shag, Laszlo’s always there.

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mamanbou · 8 months

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I've gotta be honest. I have seen the arguments against calling Nandermo "queerbaiting", and I agree with them, but just saying "it's not queerbaiting if they're queer as individuals" willfully ignores that the nandermo shipbait is very revealing of some sinister shit wrt the show's queer rep in general.

It would be one thing if the ship simply didn't happen, but isn't it strange that it's never even entertained textual? They've both dated men, Laszlo and Nandor fuck all the time, queerness isn't a sensitive topic amongst the main cast, so why is the hypothetical of Nandor and Guillermo dating/fucking avoided like the plague (except in the cloak of duplication, which is then never addressed again), despite their notable closeness? Why do they always specify "friend" during dramatic monologues about their relationship in the actual show, while the actors and PR team play mouth service to the ship elsewhere? Why can't we get a single canon explanation as to why these two are off limits to each other in the sexually depraved vampire show?

Did Paul Simms think he was being woke when he called them non-sexual soulmates, the same way every other showrunner does to aggrandize their refusal to portray gay relationships in explicit terms?

Think about how multiple official sources have called Nandermo a "will they-won't they", despite all hints of romantic feelings from either party being 100% subtextual to-date, not even a "you like him, don't you?" from a side character (duplication cloak doesn't count, that was guillermo talking about himself). That shit is unheard of in straight sitcom will they-won't theys. Think about how the Guide being in love with Guillermo was confirmed quite clearly, and how it's a bit that she falls for everyone, but the Guide then spent 2 seasons obsessed with Nadja and it was NEVER stated that it was a romantic thing, despite the show playing into the homoeroticism.

At times, it feels to me like gay relationships are good for sex-based punchlines in wwdits, but the showrunners struggle to consider them in nonsexual contexts. A majority queer cast is great for the show's reputation, great for variety in jokes in a raunchy FX comedy, but the prospect of two male main characters actually consummating their homoerotic dynamic is a carrot on a stick that they never intend to feed us.

I wouldn't have this complaint if official sources didn't wink and nod about nandermo so often. I wouldn't have this complaint if Paul Simms wasn't so wishy-washy on the subject in every interview he'd ever done. I wouldn't have this complaint if nandermo even had ONE scene on the level of laszlo trying to kiss sean, something explaining that Guillermo has tried to make a move on Nandor or vice versa, and here's why it didn't work. But at this point nandermo is genuinely a yuri of absence situation (the absence of the thing is more poignant than its hypothetical presence) and I feel fucking crazy dealing with this in a piece of media where nobody is straight.

#tbis is an insane post but to be fair i am insane #wwdits #wwdits spoilers #nandermo

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little-wicked10 · 7 months

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My Sultan (Nandor the Relentless x ofc🥵)

While the boys are away, Nadja and Nandor’s human lover have a girls night in of swapping juicy secrets. Nadja reveals to her mortal friend that Nandor gets a hard on when being called “sultan”, the ultimate position of power and dominance for a once great and aspiring Ottoman general. Nadja, and the whole house, will soon realize what Nandor is capable of.

Warnings: SMUT 18+ (EXPLICIT!!! Seriously) and cursing

( // means it cuts to, from, or between interviews, documentary/not documentary footage, and perspective)

——

It was odd that Nadja had not joined the boys on a hunt. She loved the thrill of a good feeding followed by feral lovemaking with her husband. Regardless of the reason behind her staying put, I was happy to have my friend in the house to keep me company. “Come, little one, let us indulge in a, as you humans say, girls night,” she smiled giddily as she led me to the fancy room. It was strange to hear her say it, but I was all for her enthusiasm.

“Nandor and I met when he approached me on the street claiming I was some Greek princess or goddess,” I said crossing my legs as I sat across from the camera crew.

“Did you find that strange?” a crewman asks.

I laughed, “Of course I did. I thought he was one of those weird LARPing guys or an Emo kid that never grew out of that phase. His approach was definitely random and odd.”

“The night I met my mortal lover, Laszlo had pointed her out as a potential meal. An easy on-the-go snack,” Nandor admitted while seated in an ornate chair in the library, “I approached her to hypnotize her, but instead she bewitched me with her feminine wiles….not my proudest moment as a warrior.”

“I thought him mad when my great warrior friend nearly fell to his knees for some woman. A mortal one at that. Then I found it quite funny,” Laszlo complained.

“I myself was not surprised,” Nadja added, “I’ve had a great many mortal lovers in my time. And to be frank, Nandor does not have a good reputation among lady vampires.”

Both husband and wife laugh, clearly remembering the blunders of Nandor’s string of failed attempts at finding a partner.

“Though mortal, I do admire the young lady,” Laszlo adds once through laughing, “She’s got moxie, as the Americans say. And she makes sure the bloody oaf blows out the candles so he won’t burn the fucking house down.”

“Yes, that is a plus,” Nadja chimes in, “Also, I don’t have many ‘girl’ friends. It’s exciting to have another woman to talk to. At least one who understand trying to be in a relationship with an idiot vampire.”

Nadja and I had decided to drink. She opted for her stash of wino’s blood while I took advantage of my own bottle of red wine. After each drinking two glasses and feeling a wonderful buzz, we decided to rummage through the boys’ clothes. Laszlo was forever stuck in the Victorian era. “Oh try this one on!” Nadja threw a puffy pirate shirt at me and a scarf with some garish and dark pattern. I giggled and threw the shirt over my clothes before Nadja came to my aid to tie the scarf around my neck.

“Did he steal all this from a homosexual pirate?”

Nadja, with blood alcohol on her breath, laughed as she finished the knot, “A…a homosexual pirate!”

Her laughter made me laugh even more as I gave my best pirate Laszlo impression, “Argh! I’m Laszlo Cravensworth! I’ve come for yer booty!”

Nadja stumbled a bit as she laughed and returned to the closet door way, sipping on her third glass of blood to find her something to scrutinize. She put on ANOTHER of his pirate shirts and a waist coat before we both began acting like pirate Laszlo.

“We should see what Nandor has!” I said as the idea popped into my buzzed brain.

“You are so brilliant, little mortal!” Nadja said as she lightly smacked her head wishing she had thought of it.

We both scurried out to the bedroom of my boyfriend. After another glass for each of us and throwing on Nandor’s strange Persian hats and his fur-lined cloaks, we sat in the fancy room talking about the men whose entire wardrobe we ransacked.

“Ok, ok. What does Laszlo like to be called in bed…or coffin I guess,” I asked very bubbly.

“His highness,” Nadja replied with a regal tone in her voice.

“You’re kidding? His highness?” I giggled as I leaned back against the couch.

“The second I call him that,” she snaps her fingers, “straight at attention.”

We both knew the camera crew was having a hay day with us spilling dirty secrets about our love and sex lives in front of them. I doubt it wasn’t anything the vampires haven’t overshared already. “What about donkey dick, hm?” Nadja asked.

“Besides that he has one?” I smirked and held my hands up to show, exaggeratedly, the size of my man’s dick.

Nadja made a face of disgust before repeating her question, “No, no. Ew. What does Nandor like to be called when making love?”

“I don’t call him anything. Just his name,” I answered truthfully.

Nadja’s face suddenly became very mischievous. Her red lips turned up into a playful smirk making the tips of her fangs appear, “Oh, he hasn’t told you yet?”

I looked at her curiously. She studied my face before gasping and rushing to my side and sitting beside me on the couch. “You must know what I’m about to tell you!” She exclaimed grabbing my shoulders.

I glanced at the camera before looking back to her, “Should I be scared?”

She smirked, “No, but I believe you will thank me once you realize the power this secret has.”

Now I’m interested.

The men returned from their hunt expecting to hear their women chatting away or waiting for them naked and willing (at least that’s what they kept hoping for). “I say a good hunt, old sport. You’ve not lost your ways of the warrior,” Laszlo complimented as he took off his hat to give to Guillermo.

“Thank you, Laszlo. You did very well in selecting our prey,” Nandor complimented in return.

After removing his coat and patting the pockets of his waist coat, Laszlo looked around, “Now where is my darling succubus of a wife? That feeding has me in the mood to storm the castle, if you catch my drift, Nandy.”

“I too wish to engage in the sexy times with my love,” Nandor admits.

Both men call out to their women with no answer. They both sniff the air and begin to follow the smell of wine and blood. Their noses lead them to the Fancy Room and Laszlo pulls back the curtain to reveal a funny sight. Both women are dressed in a strange assortment of each of their clothings and spooning, Nadja obviously being the big spoon, on the couch using one of Nandor’s cloaks as a blanket.

“I say, old chap, I have no fucking clue what happened here, but I’m slightly aroused by it,” Laszlo admits.

“Why are they wearing our clothes?” Nandor asks.

“What’s sex like with Nandor?” a producer asks.

I sigh and think a moment, “Sex with Nandor is wonderful. A lot better than with a human man. We’ve yet to have rough sex just, as he and everyone in this house says, make love. But that might change after what Nadja told me last night.”

“My darling human loves our lovemaking. I’ve yet to not satisfy her,” Nandor brags, “And I am very satisfied with her as well.”

“She said that you’ve not had rough sex yet. Why’s that?” producer asks.

“I don’t think my little human is interested in such things. Plus my vampire strength could kill her if I am not careful,” Nandor admits, “so there is that.”

I had it planned perfectly. Nadja and I had talked about it at length until we passed out.

I sat in the library with Laszlo and Nadja. Nandor and Guillermo were about to return from going to the store, and I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. I’m not ashamed of my sex life with Nandor. In this house, it wasn’t hard to get familiar with the vampires and their sexual proclivities. Nadja and Laszlo certainly weren’t quiet about any of it.

The front door opened then closed, and I could hear Nandor and Guillermo talking. I glanced over at Nadja who gave me a knowing look and I adjusted the black silk robe I wore. Not uncommon for me to wear around the house since Nandor could be insatiable at times. If I’m being honest, Nadja looked just as excited as I felt. “Good evening, everyone. My darling,” Nandor greeted leaning down and kissing my head.

“Laszlo, I picked up new ascot for you since I accidentally used your other one as a napkin,” Nandor apologized handing Laszlo a little black box.

“I’m going to my crypt to watch Guillermo reorganize my closet,” Nandor gave Nadja a sideways glance before turning to retreat down the hall.

I jumped up to sit on my knees and lean against the back of the couch before calling to him, “Should I join you, my sultan?”

Nandor froze in his tracks. Laszlo choked on his pipe. I smirked playfully at Nandor’s back, “Or will you not be need my services tonight?”

I heard Nadja giggle with delight as Laszlo continued to choke, “S-Sultan?” Nandor slowly turned around and the look on his face was strange, intense. He suddenly rushed toward me, his boots echoing on the wood floor. When he stood before me, he made me look up at him with a finger under my chin, “What did you say?”

“Oh shit,” Laszlo said before Nadja shushed him. I could feel both of them staring at us intensely.

“Will you not be needing my services tonight, my sultan?” I batted my eyelashes innocently with a smirk still on my lips.

Laszlo whispered, “Why the fuck does she keep calling him that?”

Nandor barred his fangs a bit, “Crypt. Now.”

I guess he decided I wasn’t going to be fast enough because he had me thrown over his shoulder. I shrieked and laughed as my warrior carried me off. “Do not disturb us for we will be engaging in sexy times,” Nandor shouted. He slammed the door of his crypt shut and locked it before tossing me on his couch layered with furs. I watched as he threw off his over coat. His red and gold tunic just made him look all the more powerful for some reason.

“Where did you learn to call me that?” he asks stepping towards me.

“A woman has her ways,” I began untying the belt of my robe, “Does it not please you, my sultan?”

Nandor growled and rolled his neck at the name, “You have no idea how much it does.”

I opened my robe to reveal my naked body to him, rubbing my thighs together, “Show me. Take what you want then, great warrior.”

Nandor pounced on me like a beast. He held my neck firmly in one hand and claimed my lips in a bruising kiss, pinning me beneath him. His hips shoved against mine making me gasp and roll mine for friction. He bit my bottom lip and I felt his fang puncture it and cause the taste of blood to fill both our mouths. Nandor groaned and he pulled away, sitting up enough to rip my robe to shreds as he licked my blood from his lips, “Your Sultan wants to taste more than blood tonight, my desert flower.” He leant down and trailed his lips along my jaw, down my neck, towards my chest, letting his fangs graze the swell of my breasts and making me shiver. The heat was rising and twisting in my body from watching him change so quickly and give into something more dominant. It felt like I was going to explode with anticipation.

I grasped the arm of the couch above my head with both hands and prepared as he reached the apex of my thighs, spreading my legs roughly and digging his strong fingers into my thighs. “I will have my fill of you, and you will not push me away,” he ordered.

“Yes, my sultan,” the smirk forming on my lips changed into an ‘o’ as he devoured my cunt. I felt his tongue enter me and his nose press into my swollen clit. “Na-Nandor!” I cried which spurred him to fuck me with his mouth even more. I rolled my hips into his mouth and held the arm of the couch with one hand while the other tangled into his hair. Nandor moved his mouth to suck on my clit and shoved two thick fingers inside me and curled them. I keened and arched my back off the couch, grasping his head with both hands.

“Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Nandor!” These words were like a song and the only ones my mind could form.

I was sped towards the edge so quickly that I crashed over the edge before I knew it, my whole body shaking. Nandor didn’t stop as he replaced his fingers with his tongue and threw my legs over his shoulders. My obscene cries and moans increased as I pushed on his shoulders to slow down but that only resulted in him taking my hands and pinning them to my sides. Tears pricked my eyes as I was at the mercy of his overstimulating, delicious torture. I held on to his hands for dear life as the feeling of his tongue fucking me and his fangs slightly grazing against me became too much, “T-too m-much! Nandor!”

His only response was to growl and reach up and pinch my clit between his fingers. Something snapped inside me and my vision went black around the edges.

There was suddenly a loud scream full of ecstasy echoing from Nandor’s room. Laszlo didn’t even look up from his book, “Well done, old chap.”

It felt like the aftershocks of having electricity running through my body. I trembled with a wonderful euphoric feeling as Nandor released me to collapse back onto the couch so he could crawl up my body. When I opened my eyes, I saw Nandor’s handsome face completely soaked. “We are not finished yet, my mortal concubine,” he smirks, lust having blown his pupils.

“Yes,” I gasped, “Yes, sultan.”

“Let your sultan conquer every part of you,” he growled, and before I knew it, he was completely undressed, cold body against mine.

He threw my legs around his waist and pinned my hands to the couch arm before spearing me with his cock. I cried and moaned as he stretched me. Nandor fucked me at a brutal pace that had my eyes rolling to the back of my head and my toes curling.

Laszlo and Nadja were both huddled by Nandor’s door. After that last orgasm, neither could resist trying to see what was going on. Nadja had her ear pressed to the door while Laszlo was kneeled down trying to look through the peephole. “I’m so proud of our little human. Very much being the seductress I knew she was,” Nadja smiled.

“I’ll be honest, I never thought Nandor could fuck like that,” Laszlo admitted, “Why hasn’t he fucked us like that in our orgies?”

“My darling, there’s ‘orgy’ sex and then there’s ‘making love to your love’ sex,” Nadja explained.

Both husband and wife were jolted away from the door when two bodies slammed against the other side of it.

Nandor had thrown my legs over his shoulders and was fucking me into the door. His mouth was only an inch from mine, breathing each others air while ravishing one another like we will die tomorrow. The door creaked every time he thrust into me and all I could do was hold on to his neck as he took what he wanted. “The whole house will know who rules over this body,” Nandor grunted, “Tell me who does.”

“Y-you do! Y-ou! Fuck you feel so good in-inside me!” I panted like a bitch in heat.

“Your sweet cunt keeps pulling me back in,” Nandor growled before he moved my legs to wrap around his waist and sunk his fangs into my neck.

I moaned and gripped his black hair tightly as an overwhelming feeling of euphoria spread throughout my body. This was the first time he had ever fed on me while fucking, and I now know why Nadja went on and on about it last night. It felt like the pleasure was in my veins and effecting every single sense. It felt so intimate and raw. I couldn’t describe it with the right words if I wanted to.

Before I could blink, we had moved off the door and back on the couch. I was bent over the arm with Nandor’s chest pressed to my back and his hips thrusting deep and hard as he licked away the blood around the puncture wounds. He jerked my head back by my hair so his mouth was near to my ear, “You’re blood drives me mad, my dearest. Just as my cock does you.” His other hand snaked around to grip tightly on one of my breasts, tweaking my nipple and slapping the sensitive flesh. I could only moan as my answer. It truly felt like I was being conquered by a warrior, and I loved being at his mercy.

Every time I tried to speak, it came out as gibberish mixed with moans and whines. My mind was fuzzy and only focused on the feeling of his cock pushing me closer and closer to another orgasm. Nandor pushed my shoulders down to the couch with the hand in my hair allowing him to thrust directly into my g-spot. My eyes rolled to the back of my head, and I screamed his praises as I felt a gushing explosion around his cock. He shoved himself as deep as he could inside me and released his seed with a mighty roar as my vision blacked out.

Nandor fell on top of me, his forehead resting against my temple. All was silent except for his feral panting and my quiet whimpers. I felt his fingers untangle from my hair and his hands wonder along my convulsing body in an attempt to bring me back to reality. “Sssh, my darling,” he whispered in my ear as he left gentle kisses along my face and neck. I suddenly felt the weight of his body begin to leave mine and his cock being removed from inside me. I whined desperately and grabbed his neck to keep him from disappearing. I could still feel him throbbing inside me and my body wasn’t ready to feel empty just yet. “Did I hurt you?” he asked, worry laced in his words. I shook my head.

“I’m sorry, my love. I was too rough with you. And I did not ask permissions to feed on you,” he chided himself. My man had returned from being a conquering sultan.

“N-no. No, Nandor. J-just need a m-moment. P-please d-don’t leave,” I managed to stutter.

Nandor seemed to understand, and he began to delicately change our position. I felt him move us to be laying on our sides with my back to his chest, never once disconnecting us. He wrapped his arms around me and comforted me until my body stopped shaking. “I must leave your insides before you arouse me for another round of sexy times,” he whispered. I nodded my head, whimpering as I felt him gently slip out of me and a rush of our releases spilled out with an obscene sound.

“Was it as satisfactory for you as it was me?” he asked.

“More than satisfactory, my love,” I smiled as I took his hand to kiss the back of it.

“Mm good because I will be ready to go again in a few minutes,” he admitted.

“Really?” I asked shocked, “Nandor, I need to recoup for a minute.”

Suddenly, I felt him harden against my back as he gripped me tighter, “I still have more conquering to do.”

#smut #Nandor the relentless #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #kayvan novak #wwdits nandor #Nandor the relentless smut #Nandor smut #Nadja #laszlo cravensworth #what we do in the shadows smut #fanfic #fanfiction #Nandor the relentless imagine #Kayvan Novak smut

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johnnyhatesducks · 3 months

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Nobody understands my vision about my crackship/crossover so I will give you headcanons that I made with my friend @little-keyra

1. Michael and Nandor met at night improv classes.

2. Michael with his super violent improvisations and Nandor kind of liked them and there they are both in a fighting improvisation. Nandor wants to fight with swords and win and Michael keeps killing him with guns

3. Michael wants to touch his hair all the time

4. Michael wants to try on Nandor's "extravagant" clothes

5. When Nandor told him that he was a vampire, Michael thought he was acting, just as he has his characters, he thought that Nandor had a character that was a vampire and he played along.

6. Michael sometimes makes jokes about Nandor's nationality, because Nandor is Persian and his kingdom was in Iran. So you expect a lot of jokes about terrorists.

7. Michael tries not to be offensive anymore with the topic that Nandor is a vampire, like, he gets offended when he sees people dressed as vampires (he dresses up as a vampire)

8. He puts on vampire teeth when he goes to Nandor's house, to understand the vampire culture/condition

9. Guillermo dislikes Michael

10. Guillermo tried to kill Michael several times, Michael does not know that Guillermo tried to kill him and wants to be his friend

11. Michael helps Guillermo with his family duties because he wants to be his little friend

12. Michael thinks that giving vials full of his blood to Nandor is a very good proof of love, but he faints every time he tries to draw blood.

13. He presumes that he has an "exotic" boyfriend due to Nandor's persian features.

14. He asked Oscar for advice to win him over and also to prepare because he knew he was going to be the bottom

15. While they were friends I bet they had friendship bracelets

16. Michael would definitely ask where the male clitoris is.

17. Michael and Nandor have nights for everything they do. A movie night, a karaoke night, a board game night, etc.

18. Michael bought a coffin to get used to when the time came. And he started sleeping during the day on the weekends. He put stikers on it, he has blankets and stuffed animals, in case Nandor comes too

19. Michael usually leaves work at 5 and goes home to do things, at 7-8 he goes to Nandor's house and probably returns home around 12 at night.

20. Nandor just wakes up at 8 and Michael is sleep-deprived, but generally he's just waiting for him like "😁", super happy and excited

21. In the end Guillermo warms up to him, because I'm genuinely sure that Michael thinks it's super cool to be a familiar. Think it's like being family or best friends

22. Michael tries to ensure that there are fewer people murdered for blood. He probably goes to blood banks to ask for blood or, failing that, he draws it himself. There have been many fainting

23. He has also tried to get Toby killed

24. When out with Nandor, Laszlo and Nadja, Michael tries to dress the same as them.

I'm so crazy about them that there are almost 50 HCs of them that me and my friend made

#wwdits #the office #crackship #relentless regional manager #michael scott x nandor the relentless #crossover #im being delusional over here #michael scott #nandor the relentless #what we do in the shadows show #what we do in the shadows

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ladykatibeth · 8 months

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Why Guillermo Turning Back Human Was An Awful Writing Choice, A Meta

So here’s the thing, for a “what you want isn’t what you need” plot to make sense and improve a story, it has to do one of two things

1. Convincingly establish that the want and the need are mutually exclusive or

2. That the need is more beneficial to certain goals (especially emotional fulfillment ones) than the want.

It also has to establish that the need hasn’t already been met somewhere else, and that the reasoning behind discarding the want makes sense.

What does/has Guillermo wanted? His main 13 year goal, vampirism. He worked unpaid for years, got people killed, dealt with disrespect and completely fucked up his sleeping schedule to achieve this.

There’s a few things I think of that Guillermo could reasonably be said to need based on the show so far:

1. A community/family outside of his biological one

2. Respect from the Vampires, especially Nandor

3. To explore/get in touch with himself/his roots

4. Stay in touch with bio family

5. Gain confidence

6. Deal with his repression

7. Experience human things he may have been missing out on due to his chosen profession

8. Expanded social network

9. Maybe resolve his Nandor feelings?

Unfortunately none of these meet the requirements, they have all already been achieved or aren’t mutually exclusive.

Guillermo has in his own words two families, he has achieved this, as far back as season three he’s using his position in the family to get political favors but still a little excluded….(Note: The vampires assume Guillermo will be around, it’s The Guide who makes him go to the closet, and that lasts like…an episode?)

By 4 he’s included in the 5 person co-parenting of Colin Robinson, gets his own space in the home improvement show, is Nandor’s literal best man, helps Nandor negotiate wishes, is employed in finance at the nightclub….

(Note: Guillermo taking on a care taking role still is not something that’s exclusive with being in a family, in his own words he takes care of people he considers family just as a matter of who he is)

So….not unfulfilled. Also knocks off 2, in S4 he’s included in everything, he’s fairly respected he’s fairly confident (more on this later) even if one made the argument that he needs to have this achieved /as himself/ first…he has. As his regular human self. It wouldn’t be less as a vampire. It fulfills neither 1 or 2 or 3 for this plot.

Okay so…3 and 5 go together. Guillermo needs to connect with himself as a badass slayer, gotten some power not necessitated by being . a vampire, and gain some confidence, be more willing to stick up for him—

……..

*Looks at all of S2 and S3* hmmmm

So Guillermo up until now has killed hundreds of vampires, extremely well, become super badass, beat Nandor in 2 fights, figured out how to balance his inherited vampire murder instincts and his love of vampires….well…seems like a success. He’s a badass vampire slayer. He’s connected with his background.

He feels comfortable making fun of and criticizing the vampires (the perfect FUCKING wedding, so she’s your number 2…., his “is that necessary” about Nandor and Laszlos tmi details, bickers with Nadja about her need for a golden toilet…) he’s got confidence. He can stick up for himself. So 3 and 5…..not relevant.

Get respect from Nandor.

Nandor calls him a badass slayer multiple times. He calls him a warrior, let’s Guillermo bicker at him, respects his advice (see Nandor and Guillermo negotiating with the Djinn) makes him his best man, calls Guillermo his closest companion…..as a familiar…

Sure there’s Freddie…but honestly I don’t think Nandor wouldn’t also do that to a vampire. Nandor is in general…a huge bitch (Queen bitch ha)

Which brings me to 6 and 9

Since we’ve already seen Guillermo be respected by Nandor as a human and we know Nandor dates human women regularly there’s no issue with him being in a relationship with Guillermo when he’s a vampire. It wouldn’t imply it’s necessary for him to be a vampire to date, because of the background info we know. Him resolving his feelings is species neutral.

Same with dealing with his repression, he doesn’t need to be a human or vampire to do that.

So maybe it’s the human things he missed out on which as far as I can think might be…sunlight? And going on dates…

He goes on dates with his boyfriend Freddie during the day, very normal and human…he enjoys it! That must be it!

His long distance English boyfriend. Who he doesn’t need to commit much to. Then when he’s upset with Nandor for the whole two Freddie’s thing…it’s about Nandor and Guillermo. Not Freddie and Guillermo.

Guillermo’s upset, but not enough to hold a long term grudge. He seems to mostly care about experiencing mundanity….as a concept not a practice

He quickly goes back to the uze, aside from food and the sun (which he’s already sacrificing somewhat (food quality and day time) but still experiencing while he’s been working. Anything else can be done at night. As a vampire.

His family…Well Guillermo’s mother calmly let Nandor look at his baby photos, a vampire she has no personal connection to, and was quickly waved off from talking to Guillermo. Nothing implies this will be the line. Guillermo keeps himself from killing his vampiric loved ones on the regular.

So 4 and 7 cleared.

Expanded social network….the witches, Derek, Jenna, also if Laszlo from the 18th century can make human friends there’s no reason a vampire Guillermo has to stop.

None of these things are mutually exclusive with being a vampire, he’s already achieved all the emotional fulfillment things as a human familiar…the needs are met.

Okay so…..

What does it make sense for Guillermo to want? To really think about as a human?

Family? Check for bio and vamp. New career options? He can do that as a vampire and I don’t see the show going in that direction. Nandor? He can do that as a vampire. Respect? Gained. Power? Gained. Confidence? Gained.

What can Guillermo being a human still add to the narrative…

Oh we can see human Guillermo with newfound respect and confidence being part of the family!

Wait we’ve already seen that, in season 4! Multiple times! That’s just a repeat of 4!

Guillermo as a full vampire?

What does this add?

Well….

How does he handle his new powers? We get to see Nandor guiding Guillermo through his new experiences (cute). How does he handle his family? Does he hide it? Is he comically bad at it? Do they get a new familiar? How does he handle that? Is he more lenient? Does he think they need to earn it like he did?

How does Nandor adjust to vampire Guillermo? How does Guillermo adjust to not the sunlight and food restrictions? Oooh we’d get to see him learn how to hunt….What about technically being a member of the same species now, but one that’s still very very young in comparison?

It adds a lot. Questions and concepts. You want a narrative that adds interest. That’s why this route was the worst to take.

It didn’t leave new room to facilitate character growth that wasn’t already there in season 3 and 4. The reasoning for hesitation doesn’t make sense based on Guillermo’s character. He spent 13 years doing murder and murder adjacent things.

(And seriously if I was one of Guillermo’s victims I’d hate him so much more if I found out he was 100% fine with feeding me to his friends but it wasn’t even to become a vampire,I died for, I guess, nothing)

It’s the same concept as previously, it actively stifles concept exploration….its not about Guillermo having to get what he wants, its just bad for the story! It’s a poor use of this trope.

It doesn’t make it more interesting. There’s so much humor possibilities for human Guillermo too. It wasn’t a necessary reset.

It wasn’t even necessary to show nandermo as possible, Nandor has always loved Guillermo in the show, he put in the time to make him glitter art! In S1 E1! Plus this ships is at its best when it’s a little mutually toxic! Mutually! Key word!

It’s just…….it adds nothing. The worst thing a writer can do.

#wwdits #wwdits spoilers #wwdits meta #Guillermo de la Cruz #nandor the relentless #what we do in the shadows

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