#and it makes me feel vaguely guilty for not enjoying the show in the right way

[httpsclarye]

#GOOD LOKING+!

Your plan was quick and simple. You would go to the kitchen, make some tea to ease your headache, and then return to your comfy bed. You weren't expecting to come across your crew's blonde cook barechested cutting carrots.

Pairing: Vinsmoke Sanji x Reader

Word count: 3k

Warnings: 18+ content, smut, swearing, pet names, big dick sanji, kitchen sex, blow job, oral sex (m and f receiving), fingering, sanji moaning, p in v type of sex.

Ao3: Good Looking

English is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes :) Enjoy!

You are used to this. The utterly exhausted sensation after several hand-to-hand combats, so when the headache started when you finally lay down in bed, you just decided to ignore it; the sleep would catch up before it got.

Until the needed sleep never got you. So, after an hour or two of rubbing your temples and staring at the ceiling while feeling envy-induced annoyance for Nami’s peaceful breathing, you pushed yourself to stand up.

Even if the cool night air almost makes you wish you hadn't left your warm bed, you needed that green tea to stop the pounding headache in the back of your head. The kitchen lights shining through the window went undetected as your mind was busy figuring out how you could prepare the drink quickly so that the pain could cease as soon as possible.

“Oh, it’s you, darling. Is everything alright?” As you walked into the door and recognized Sanji's words, you snapped out of your thoughts and began to look over your surroundings. He was not wearing any type of shirt while he sliced carrots from behind the counter.

Barechested. Topless. Half naked.

“Y-yes, I mean, no. Just a headache.” You gaze the blonde in the eyes as you stumble through your sentences, you are merely vaguely aware that your face is beginning to turn red. “I just want that green tea; I know it's somewhere around here. I saw Nami storing it in the cabinets earlier.”

You felt foolish. You became used to seeing shirtless men given that you lived in the middle of the ocean and therefore often came across Luffy, Usopp, and even Zoro barechested. They would often walk around the deck that way on hot days. Sanji, however, always showed up in a suit or, at the very least, had a formal shirt rolled up to his elbows. Even so, there was no chance of seeing him dressed otherwise since he went to sleep after you and woke up before everyone.

“I can do it for you; it’s my job after all, taking care of my sweet girl.” He placed the knife down, threw the chopped carrots in a nearby pot, and proceeded to go through the cupboards. “Love, do you remember where she stored it? There are plenty of cabinets in this place.”

"What are you doing here?" You instantly regret your tone as you noted Sanji just froze in his search.

“I mean, sorry, the kitchen is your place, I know. I just never saw you here this hour, and me and Luffy go here to do midnight snacks sometimes”

“I could not sleep”

“Me too” Once again, an irrational remark. He was informed that you were having trouble falling asleep; that's why you were there. “Why the carrots?”

“The attack that happened today. I had hoped for more food, but I believe you are aware of how fucked our situation is.” He continued looking for the tea while chuckling flatly. “We don't know when we will receive more supplies; we right now have barely anything stocked. Even the carrot peels have been put to use in an effort to reduce waste, you know.”

You weren't sure how to respond. It was clear that everyone's mood was negatively affected by today's incident. The worry of what would happen in the next few days or weeks was filling your head since Usopp managed to escape the ship. His back was to you, so you were unable to see his facial expressions, but you couldn't help but notice his muscles.

You felt a little guilty since you couldn't take your focus away from it, despite him having just voiced some serious concern. Has he lately started working out, or has he always had muscles like that?

“Are you and Luffy close then?”

The sudden break in silence confused you as he turned toward you with the pot of tea in his hands and a pleased smile.

“I suppose so. After all, he was the one who invited me to join the crew, right?” You smirked at the thought. It wasn't much time—perhaps a few months—and you were losing track of time at sea. “I fearlessly agreed to become a pirate, although I had never spent more than two weeks on a boat.”

“I remember that. You were so naive”

Of course he remembers. When you joined the crew, it was very easy to have a conversation with Sanji; he was constantly complimenting you or flirting in a straightforward manner. You never took him seriously, hearing about the blonde's techniques from Nami from the first day, but it was often hard not to chuckle or blush when he was so…

“Not anymore.”

He grinned at you before returning his attention to the tea. It was impossible to look away from his bare chest. You were unable to rest your mind from imagining how his skin would feel on your hand now that he was in your line of sight. You are already aware that he's a good-looking man, but now seeing more of his body did things to you.

“All right, madam. Here is your tea.” He circles the counters until he's right next to you. Really close. His eyes twinkle with recklessness, and you know he caught you staring at his figure.

You ignore the tickle in your lower belly as you stand there, grab the mug in your hands, and sip while gazing at his face. He still has that typical smirk, and when you finally finish drinking your tea, he glances at your lips before returning to your eyes. Everything becomes fuzzy and hot then.

He's very close. His hand has been lying on the counter, his chest is nearly brushing your own, and you can't help but notice his modest, almost transparent blonde hair in there. Perhaps it's a sign for you to walk away, that this is going in a dangerous direction, but you can't.

“What dear? See something you lik-”

You interrupt him with a kiss; it's all very messy and quick, and he is unable to have time to handle everything. You come to an abrupt halt and stare at him with wide eyes, realizing what you have done.

“Sanji, fuck, I’m so sorry, I didn’t meant t-”

He didn't let you finish the apologies. His hand pulls your head back, bringing your lips together. The kiss looks right now. It begins carefully, with both sides cautious, but it quickly gets heated as he doesn't hesitate to push his tongue into your mouth.

You’re breathless when he finally pulls away, and his eyes are hungry. He didn't think twice before pressing his open mouth and tongue on your neck. A moan escapes from your lips.

His left hand shifts down to grab your hip, and you catch your breath. Your hands graze his nipples as you reach for his pecs, and he hisses at the fresh sensation in your throat.

“Gods Y/N, you’re going to kill me this way”

You chuckled, and he kissed you again, although this time you took charge, moving one of your hands to his blonde hair before tilting his head to grant you more access. You stop the action just to take a moment to recover and gaze into his dilated pupils. He looks so attractive like that that you can’t help but want to go down on him.

”Sanji,” You whisper breathlessly, enjoying the sensation of his name in your mouth, “let me taste you.”

He groans in response, which you take as encouragement as you lean down and proceed. You lick and kiss the trail that leads to his crotch, and he hisses softly, his abdomen tense beneath your hands and mouth. As you get down on your knees and look at his pants, you can see his erection, which seems big and marked.

You don't hesitate to pull down the waistband of his pants and boxers together, exposing his hard, leaking cock to your eyes. It's big. It's more than you expected. There's a buildup of cum at the head, and you reach forward and wrap your lips around it, licking gently just to tease.

You look up as you swirl your tongue over the tip and dip your tongue into the slit to see him biting his lower lips, his head thrown back. You wanted to see his face while sucking him. So you take him out of your mouth and cautiously wrap a hand around him, teasing him a little with your hand. Your movements are agonizingly slow as you lightly suck and lick the sensitive head until finally he looks down.

“Oh, darling, you’re so pretty like that.” Sanji whined above you, and then your mouth opened around the head of his cock, and he slid it into your mouth. “Fuck, fuck. So… so perfect.”

You can clearly see the blonde struggling to keep his composure, like how his knuckles are white while gripping the counter behind him. You relax your throat, take a long breath through your nose, and exhale slowly before swallowing him whole while gripping his inner thighs.

His penis is large, so the initial sensation isn't the most pleasant, but as he lets out a loud groan, you forget about everything. Something about hearing Sanji whine in the kitchen while you gagged on his cock made the aching between your legs unbearable.

"Oh yeah, Y/N. You are so good to me. Your mouth feels so good in me.”

You moaned softly at his words of praise, making vibrations around his penis, causing another moan from him. His left hand reached from the counter to your hair, and you didn't reject the help while bobbing your head up and down.

“My love, you are so perfec-“

A few tears occasionally escaped as you sucked him and he fucked your throat, sometimes only taking him out to run your tongue along his length. You started to see signs that he was close to cum. One of your hands left the thighs to rub his balls.

 “I… I'm going to cum, Y/N, dear... I" He gives you a chance to pull away from him, but you choose to continue and accept it all. You remove the entire length of his throat and leave just the head in your mouth.

He comes soon after, with a muffled groan, while you attempt to swallow as much as you can before it gets difficult, followed by a satisfied moan coming from you.

You felt his hand leave your hair, and for two or three minutes, you just remained there. He has his head back and is trying to catch his breath while you are on your knees, glancing at his chest and the beads of sweat gathering on his neck. It’s a perfect vision, honestly. You ponder whether he would notice if you began to masturbate right then.

“Come on, madam, let me help you up.” Sanji extends his hand to support you in getting up, and once you are upright, he grabs hold of your waist to keep you close to him.

He kisses you, tasting himself in your mouth. It's slow, and you realize he's still trying to emerge from his afterglow. When he breaks the kiss, that smile returns to his face, and you peck him once more just to get rid of it.

Sanji deepened the kiss again. And fuck, what else could you do but reply in the same aggressive way?

You're hoisted up by the hands on your hips and thrown onto the counter. The blonde is now between your legs, breaking the kiss, only to go straight to that specific spot on your neck that you're almost certain will leave a mark in the morning.

“Oh- Sanji,” You try to speak breathlessly as he licks your collarbone and his fingers brush the hem of your t-shirt, “You don’t h-have to do that.”

It wasn't that you didn't want Sanji. Since you entered that kitchen and spotted him without a shirt, you wanted this. Yet, you took the decision to give him an opportunity to back out, be thankful for the blowjob, and never bring up the matter again. Him taking you would be very personal.

“Please, my love,” You can hear the yearning in his voice as he whispers in your ear. “I just want to make you feel good too.”

You nod, and he attacks your mouth once again while his hands pull the hem of your t-shirt, exposing your chest, and you can't stop yourself from moaning at being so bare to him.

He doesn't think twice about placing his mouth on your breasts as he rolls the hard bud between his teeth and tongue and gives the other one a gentle stroke with his other hand. He bites your nipple as your head is flung back, and all you can do is pray that no one hears your loud scream.

He takes his mouth from your breasts and begins a trail down your stomach, and you can't stop whining due to the lack of warm sensation from his tongue in your niples, but you quickly figure out where he's headed as he lowers himself between your thighs.

He doesn't ask for permission as he aggressively rips off your shorts and, along with them, your underwear, revealing your pussy to him. He pulled your hips closer and dragged a finger down your folds, then placed it inside his mouth.

"Oh, you're so soaking wet, just for me, hm?" You are so stunned by the sight that you hardly pay attention to what the blonde is saying. “You taste so good, my darling.”

You stand on your elbows and glance at the man who is standing in between your legs. You can't help but gasp at the taunting as he starts giving you small small bites and kisses along your inner thighs. But you want him now.

“Oh Sanji, stop teasing for fuc-“

He didn't wait for you to finish the curse word before burying his face, pushing his tongue against your wet pussy, and licking a long, temptingly slow strip through your folds until he reached your sensitive bud.

In an attempt to create more friction, you thrust your hips into his mouth, and your left hand immediately settled on his blonde hair. Sanji found the ideal pattern to swirl his tongue over your clitoral region, leaving you panting for air.

He pushed two fingers deep within you, and you felt your walls clenching around them, sucking him in. His pace was fast, and he was still paying careful attention to your clit, leaving you close to the edge. You were a mess, and it wouldn't take long for you to cum. Yet you still needed him; you wanted more.

You sucked in a sharp breath and tried to block out the inappropriate sounds echoing through the kitchen.

“Sanji, p-please more”

"Use your words, my angel." You could see the glistening fluids from your pussy plastered on his chin when he pushed his head off of your thighs. “What do you want?”

“Fuck me, oh g-gods. I need you inside me." At your words, he groaned and took both of his fingers out to direct his cock at your entrance.

It wasn't difficult for him to enter since you were so soaked. At the feeling of it, you both simultaneously moaned. You felt completely filled; he just stood there for a while, waiting for you to get used to the size, until you signaled for him to start moving. It began off slow, but soon he started out moving his hips at a faster pace to satisfy both of you.

"You're perfect,” he moaned in two thrusts, and you had to put your hand over your mouth. “Look at you, taking my cock so well, oh darling.”

The hands on your hips let go and grabbed you under your right thigh, opening your legs and hitting you more deeply and faster. You thought you were seeing stars when he hit an exact spot inside your pussy that made you shout.

“Cum for me, my love. I know you want”

It didn't take long for your orgasm to hit you after that, your eyes rolled back and you let out a whine sound as you felt your walls squeeze his dick. He moaned along with you at the feeling and a few more thrusts and he came inside you.

Sanji's head fell directly to your shoulder, and you instinctively placed your palm in his blond locks. While the fluid was slowly dripping out of you, he continued to remain deep inside and breathe loudly.

He raised his head only to smile recklessly while glancing into your mouth. “So, do you still have a headache?”

Your hand reached out to push him, but you were helpless to suppress the giggles that came. He drew away from inside you but was still between your knees as he chuckled proudly.

“Do you think anyone heard?”

“I'm not sure, maybe when you let out that screa-" You slapped him on the shoulder to cut him off while embarrassed because of the probability. “Ok, ok my darling, next time we’ll find a more private place.”

“Next time, huh?

Sanji stood still with an anxious smile on his face; it was almost hilarious how someone so confident in themselves would respond in that manner. You wrapped his neck with both of your arms and gave him a quick kiss to reassure him that everything was fine.

"You should come to the kitchen more often, preferably alone.”

"And you should go shirtless more often too.”

"Only for you, my love.”

You gave him another kiss before leaving the counter, getting ready to go, and returning to the bedroom. Even though the night seemed to be becoming lighter, you were aware that there were still a few hours until sunrise. It was evident that there would be plenty of issues to address when you awoke, but for the time being, you were content, even though you were a little exhausted from the activities. As sleep came, all you could think of was Sanji and his smile.

© HTTPSCLARYE, 2023

#vinsmoke sanji x reader #i tried #one piece #english is not my first language #anyways sanji is hot #op #one piece scenario #sanji #vinsmoke sanji #black leg sanji #one piece sanji #taz skylar #sanji x reader #opla sanji x reader #one piece x reader #vinsmoke sanji x y/n #smut #sanji smut #opla #opla smut #sanji one piece #my works

[preeningpisces]

pleaaase could we get some more choso stuff? maybe some more nsfw headcanons if you have them or if not then some drabble of him being a Little Freak (endearing)?? anything that you'd feel like tbh <33

Omfg of course!! I actually have a lil fic I’m working on for him rn, so hopefully I won’t take too much longer. Love me some freak Choso. Thank you for taking the time to send this!

Hopefully this isn't too weird, lol

Choso being a lil freak

Content: fingering, masturbation, handjob, mild dacryphilia, ear eating, saliva, use of good boy and baby

18+ content below, mdni, afab!reader, enjoy!

The TV drones in the background as you scroll through your phone, leaning into the arm of the couch. Anxious anticipation rolls off your boyfriend. You don’t have to look to know he’s fidgeting with the blanket, trying his best to focus on the show—an episode of How It’s Made, his favorite. It’s obvious what he wants, it’s what he always wants when you’re around, but he remains bashful nonetheless. Amused, you let him stew in discomfort, wanting to see how long it takes for him to crack.

He adjusts himself and scoots closer to you, in what you think was an attempt at subtly. A smirk threatens to split your mouth, and you can feel your lips wobble from the effort of resisting. What was once fiddling with the blanket becomes a bouncing leg, drumming fingers, and more frequent glances. Laughter presses against the seam of your lips when he sighs, but you keep it at bay. You’re as focused on your phone as he is on the TV; his energy is contagious and makes your desire spark. But right now, you just want to antagonize him.

Sex is a recent development in your relationship, and ever since you gave Choso the keys to the kingdom, he wants it all the time. Not that you mind. Introducing your boyfriend to sex in all its forms has been fun, to say the least. This isn’t cruelty: you’re just building his confidence to initiate, you tell yourself. Not two minutes later, he says your name in question. Innocently, you set your phone aside, giving him your full attention.

“Do you…?”

“Do I what, Choso?” It’s clear he didn’t anticipate any pushback, because looks ready to retreat.

“Can we?” His stare is intense and imploring as he rests a hand on your knee.

“Oh, I don’t know, this article is pretty interesting” — a lie. When he deflates with puppy eyes, you feel too guilty to not throw him a bone. “But I could be persuaded.” Confusion flits over his face; he really does need everything laid out for him, doesn’t he? “I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing, unless something more tempting comes along,” you say, and with no further explanation, return to your scrolling. You know this worked even though he hasn’t moved, because he’s wringing his hands and mulling over his next step.

Maybe you are cruel. Just a bit.

An unsure arm winds around your hip, and pulls you away from the armrest to sit upright. With a delicate press to your jaw, he turns your head to kiss him, but you pull back.

“Ah, ah—you can’t turn me away or block the screen.” Now understanding the game, he nods with wide eyes. “Good boy.” Excited, he sits right next to you, but doesn’t remove his hold on your hip. Hesitant kisses tickle your jaw and neck—more endearing than distracting. The complete lack of reaction prompts Choso to trail from your jaw to your chest, and cup your right breast.

A post makes you laugh, and you feel him bristle beside you. Riled up, he squeezes your breast harder than you thought he would, and goes for your nipple. Choso absolutely loves your breasts, it’s no shock he sought them out first. What is shocking is how aggressively he’s touching them. Normally, his touch is irreverent and pleading. A weak pinch makes you flinch, but you keep your focus.

“Is that okay?” 

“All I said is you can’t turn me or block the screen,” you say vaguely, allowing his imagination to fill in the rest. A sharp pinch is his reply, making you gasp. Tentative kisses are forgotten as he breathes into your ear, now more focused on the weight in his hand. Wearing no bra, there’s only a thin t-shirt between you and his fondling; rolling your nipple around and tugging it occasionally. As if just remembering he has one, he mouths at your jaw, and gently nips at your ear. The sweet attention makes you hum, your eyes hooded as you lazily continue scrolling, barely paying attention to what you see.

Suddenly, the kisses stop, and his hold on you relaxes. You fight the urge to look at him. Is this his way of playing, or is something wrong? Before you can ask, his lips rest at your ear, barely touching. Anticipation stills your shoulders, and you stare at the screen blankly as you wait for him to do something. Those lips press against your ear, and stop, gauging your reaction. When there is none, he kisses your ear fully, gently.

You expect him to move on, but one kiss becomes two, then three, then doesn’t stop at all; his head angles, and his kiss becomes more passionate, fully making out with your ear now. It tingles, and despite your bewilderment, you let out a breathy whine. Emboldened, he introduces his tongue, which licks at the planes and ridges. Cheeks hot and appalled, you shriek his name—he squeezes your hip so hard it could bruise.

Normally, he would release you and frantically make sure you’re alright, but your taunting must have affected him more than expected.The odd sensation makes you squirm, but you stubbornly grip your phone, and don’t turn to him. This only cues him to pull at your nipple with a twist, making you arch and moan.

He’s quick to move on; his hand dips under the waistband of your sweats, then your panties, and wastes no time rubbing soft circles around your clit. As if touching your pussy wasn’t enough, his tongue dips into your ear’s canal, making you nearly drop your phone. It doesn’t go far, but enough that it’s oddly sensitive. Sounds cut in and out, like you’ve dived into a pool and swam back up. Embarrassingly, you feel yourself throb.

“You’re really wet,” Choso says, and immediately returns to assaulting your ear. His bluntness only makes you more mortified, and the nerves in your neck and jaw prickle. The attentive circles are consistent, and keep a steady pace, which only drives you crazy, noises spilling from you freely. With his mouth covering your ear, you can’t tell how loud you are—every sound you make blares internally, as if you’re listening to yourself through earbuds. Your sounds arouse more of his own, overwhelming your mind. You can’t even hear the TV anymore, or the sticky sounds you know your pussy is making.

So enwrapped in pleasure, you hadn’t even noticed Choso was humping the air, his moans somehow both stifled and amplified. Unable to resist, you toss your phone and cup his bulge, letting him grind into your hand. Abandoning your hip, he helps you slide his sweats and boxers down his hips, cock twitching with need once it's exposed to the cool air. You wrap you hand around his cock and stroke him making his legs tremble. The hand previously on your hip winds back around you to continue stroking your clit, while the other slides two fingers in your needy cunt. 

“Oh, fuck–oh fuck,” you belt, grinding against his hands, helping him find your g-spot. When he grazes it, you shout his name, and he strokes it with every thrust of his fingers. “Yes, baby, just like that.”

The steady pace fumbles when you spit in your palm and continue stroking him. He chokes on a gasp and sucks the shell of your ear in his mouth; it’s the most you’ve been able to hear since he began, but the leftover saliva prevents you from hearing clearly. You twist slightly as you stroke upward, squeezing near his head. Even with the lingering saliva, you’re finally blessed with the wet sounds of his cock and your pussy.

“Please—ah—please cum,” his high-pitched and needy voice doesn’t match the way he roughly fingerfucks your pussy, stretching it with spread fingers and pushing your hood back to attack your clit. Overwhelmed, you shiver as you approach your release; it isn’t until he resumes his lip lock with your ear and tongues at the canal that you come with a keen. “T-that’s it, you look so pretty when you c-cum.”

Your body locks up as your stomach twists from the convulsions, and your pussy clenches around him nonstop, but he doesn’t let up until you still. He covers your limp hand with his own, and he pumps his cock furiously, chasing his end. Gripping one of his buns, you smash your lips together. Distantly, you expected a waxy taste, but were relieved to find none. Tongues graze, drool pools, and he makes debauched sounds when you pinch his tongue between your fingers.

“Are you gonna cum?” You pull his tongue tauntingly and squeeze around his cock. When he nods instead of answering, you pinch it harder, and his cheeks go redder than you’ve ever seen them.

“Yeth, I’-I-” he lets out long, continuous whimpers as he comes. Sensitive, he removes his hand, but you grip his wrist and make him stroke himself through it, thick cum leaking over your joined hands. Tears and drool roll down his face, but you keep stroking his cock with a sickening squelch. 

It’s only when he stops leaking cum that you release him, soothing him with kisses to his wet cheek before fetching the nearby water. The two of you lay against each other, now winded.

“I’m just going to address the elephant in the room: why did you stick your tongue in my ear?”

“You wouldn’t let me kiss you,” he shrugs, as if it was obvious. “I’m glad you liked it, though.”

“I did not!”

“Okay, if saying that makes you feel be-” you smother him with a throw pillow. 

Next time, you’ll think twice before giving Choso the reins to do whatever he wants. 

#freak (endearing) got me lmfao #secret dreamer ☁︎ #dreams of choso ☁︎ #wet dreams ☽ #choso smut #choso x reader #jjk smut #it actually feels kind of nice so dont knock it til you try it folks #hope this is what you were looking for anon! #drabbles ☽ #dream interpretation ☽ #dreams ☽

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

A Place To Call Home: After Shocks

Summary: The reader is feeling guilty after doubting her parents after the stunt her birth parents pulled. But with her parents going away to film a new project soon, the only solution may be for her to go with them for some much needed bonding...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 11,100ish

Warnings: language, angst, fluff

A/N: This one takes place directly after Long, Long Time!

________

“Y/N.” You felt TJ behind you, his strong arms wrapping around your waist, holding you close. “What do you need right now?”

You smiled to yourself, closing your eyes. For every bad thing that’d happened in your life, you were still amazed at how lucky you were to have found someone that loved you wholly. He was still the one person that you’d never once doubted cared for you, never struggled with sharing the dark parts of your past. 

There were things you’d only told him even, the details behind vague statements to your parents. Yet he stayed and never complained about what being with a person with scars was like. It’d be so much easier for him to have found a normal girl, so much less for him to worry about.

“I probably would have wound up with a not so nice guy if I’d not gone to my parents when I was a teenager. I would have fallen for the first guy that was nice and sweet just so he could get me in bed or worse. I was so fucking starved for attention and love back then. I was so goddamn lonely.”

He squeezed you tighter, tucking his head down so he could burrow his face in your neck, kissing it softly.

“My dad showed me what to look for in a man. My mom too. They taught me how I was supposed to be treated when I was in a relationship.” You opened your eyes, staring out the back window again. “How did I let those assholes make me afraid of my parents? I hate that I pushed them away, TJ. It’s better now but it’s not. I feel so guilty.”

“It’s only been a few days since things got back to normal. Give it some time. Try therapy with them, bring ‘em to a session.”

“Honey, I know exactly what the therapist would say. I had this same conversation when I was in college. I know it’s because I want people to be angry at me when I make a mistake. It’s what I expect. It’s what my childhood taught me, my time in foster care did.”

“Alright,” he said, kissing the side of my head. “So how’d they say to not feel guilty back then?”

“They suggested I spend time with them so I could understand that my guilt had no basis. That they loved me no matter what and that’s what the whole unconditional thing meant. It’s not bad to get afraid. It’s human and we shouldn’t be ashamed of being afraid.”

“So go spend some time with your parents,” he said.

“I spend too much time with them already,” you said, squeezing your eyes shut as he spun you around in his hold. “Other people our age-”

“I don’t give a fuck about other people our age. Our family lives around the corner and frankly, I hope they always do. I love them. I enjoy their company. Honey, I can promise you that having a close, loving family is a good thing. Allie and Colin? They fucking adore their grandparents. They regularly get to see their aunts and uncle. We have amazing family friends they get to grow up with. Those two kids are never, ever, going to doubt they they are loved and supported. You and I could die tomorrow and I know those two will turn out amazing. I promise you, we will never spend too much time with our family.”

“I worry you think I’m too needy sometimes,” you whispered, meeting his gaze. His face was gentle, short black hair still damp from his shower. “But I’ve never doubted you. I just don’t want to put too much on you. I don’t want to take away time that should be yours.”

“Oh you sweet, silly, adorable, idiot,” he chuckled, tucking your hair behind your ear, letting his finger trail down the side of your throat. “We have forever together. I know how lucky I am to spend as much time as I do with you. My job is flexible and only getting more with time. And you? You’re turning set design into a career now. What couple our age gets to spend so much of our time together? Believe me, I’m greedy to be with you as much as I can be but I am more than happy to share you with our family.”

He cupped your cheek, smiling while he gently stroked over your cheekbone. “Give spending some extra time with them a shot for me. Okay, silly goose?”

“Where did I find you?” you whispered, nuzzling into his chest.

“Orientation. I was the boy awkwardly staring at you for so long you asked if I had heatstroke.” You laughed at the memory of him just blank faced, sweating in the boiling summer heat as you stood with your orientation packet and attempted to find your parents in the crowd. You thought he was from out of state with the way he was dripping and offered him some water while finding him some shade to hide beneath. 

By the time he’d gotten his words back, you’d realized he was there on his own. No family to help him move in, find buildings, buy books. It wasn’t a conscious thought back then but you knew that ache of loneliness. Even people who came from homes with parents could feel like they were by themselves. 

“Lucky for me you took pity on me and instead of thinking I was a creeper, you showed me which line to get my packet from and pointed out where buildings were on maps and all of it. I was in love with you before I even knew your name.”

“Thomas,” you said, cheeks flushing. “Don’t be cute when I was feeling crappy five minutes ago.”

“Ah, but that’s my favorite thing to do,” he teased, kissing the tip of your nose. “Now off you go.”

“To where?” you laughed, TJ walking you over to the front door. 

“To your parents, silly. It’s only nine and we both know they don’t sleep until late. Go hang for a bit, talk to them about being together more. Me and my perky butt will be waiting here for you when you get back.”

“Okay, well that’s just cruel to put that image in my mind and then send me away,” you said as he bent down and slipped a pair of sneakers on your feet. He looked up through his lashes, putting on a sultry smile. “TJ! Stop turning me on!”

“Don’t blame me for you being stunning,” he said, rising to his feet and pecking a kiss to your lips. “Drive over for me.”

“Okay,” you said. “What are you planning on doing in the meantime?”

“Check on the munchkins, play a video game, lay in bed in my birthday suit to greet you when you get back.”

“Just don’t scar the children for life,” you laughed, feeling a gentle pat on your ass. TJ ushered you to go when you nearly dragged him towards the bedroom and finally you were out the door. Two minutes later, you were walking into your parents house, the place pretty dark. JJ was at a graduation party and spending the night there. The twins were up in the family room watching an old movie with the lights off, totally engrossed with it. You figured your parents were on their private balcony and headed for their room.

“Oh fuck!” you shouted when you saw way more of your father than you ever wanted to. You quickly slammed the door and stood outside the room, pacing away as you shook your head. “Nope. Nope. Nope. I didn’t see that. I did not see that.”

The door opened after a moment, your mom slipping out in a pair of joggers and a silky black pajama shirt.

“I am so sorry, honey. I thought dad locked the door,” she said as you kept walking, shaking your head. “Are you okay?”

“Was he giving you a fucking naked lap dance?” you said, a coy smile on her face as she shrugged. “Mom!”

“Oh, you’ve seen his ass before when you watched The Boys,” she said.

“I knew that was going to happen! And I saw a whole lot more than just ass,” you said, shivering your whole body as the twins came down from their movie.

“I remember when I walked in on them,” said your brother, wearing a shit eating grin as you groaned. “Dad’s got a huge-”

“I don’t need a reminder!” you said, your dad clearing his throat as he came out in a pair of sweatpants and gray t-shirt. 

“Things going okay out here?” he asked, forcing a smile.

“Talking about your apparently huge dick,” said Arrow. Your mom couldn’t help but laugh as your dad groaned, the twins starting to giggle. “What? It’s the truth.”

“While I normally appreciate how open we are as a family, I mean this in the nicest way, we are never bringing this topic up again,” said your dad with a sigh. “Go finish your movie and for the love of god never talk about this again.”

Your mom was still laughing, earning a small headlock from him. “It’s your fault you didn’t lock the door!”

“Yes, I know,” he groaned, letting her go and standing in front of you with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry for scaring you for life, kiddo.”

“It’s fine,” you sighed, crossing your arms. “In terms of traumatizing events, this ranks pretty low for me. Besides, mom told me when I started having sex with TJ about your sex life.”

His head whipped around and she held up her hands. “Hey. She had questions and I answered them.”

“I wouldn’t have told her how big…you know,” he grumbled. 

“I didn’t. I just said above average is nice!”

“As much fun as this conversation is, I’d like to repress this memory if possible so I’m going to let you guys continue with your magic mike moment-”

You heard the twins howl in laughter, your dad storming past you and over towards the stairs.

“You two start high school in the fall and guess what talk we’re having tomorrow?” he said. They both groaned for a moment before you heard noise again, your dad wiping his hand over his face. 

“They both know what sex is,” you said, his eyes wide. “I gave them both the talk like years ago.”

“You did?” they both asked.

“Yeah. I gave it to all of them. It’s a lot easier for big sis to tell you than mom and dad, especially when dad makes talking about sex so freaking awkward,” you said, cocking your head.

“Well, thank you,” he said, nodding once. “And if that’s something you want to discuss, then we can.”

“I’m good. I just enjoy torturing you in return for the trauma I endured tonight,” you said with a smile. Your mom giggled as he pushed you both into the bedroom, closing the door behind himself.

“Well the mood is gone so what’s up?” he asked as you sat very specifically not on the bed and wandered over to the large window out back. You spun on your heels, both of them watching with concerned eyes.

“I…have been feeling guilty about doubting you guys that you’d hurt me like the sperm and egg donor did and…I’d like to try that thing we did when I was younger and spending more time with you guys helped…if that’s cool,” you said, biting your bottom lip. 

“Honey, of course you can hang out with us more often,” said your mom. She wrapped you up in a hug, letting you melt into her. “Dad and I were talking earlier and hoping we could steal some time with you. We missed you.”

“I missed you guys too,” you said, feeling your dad come up behind you and hug you, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“You don’t have anything to feel guilty about,” he whispered, kissing the top of your head. 

“I know I shouldn’t but I know I hurt you both and that’s something I have to deal with.”

“It hurts more knowing how much you hurt yourself for being human, kiddo,” he said.

“I know how scared you were that I’d stop-“

“You didn’t stop loving us,” he said. “You were afraid and sometimes, your kids get scared. It’s that simple.”

You nodded, enjoying being squished between them, a calm feeling settling in your bones. 

“There she is,” he murmured as he felt you relax. “Better?”

“Yeah,” you said. Your mom tugged you over to the bed, your eyebrows raising.

“It’s clean, I promise.” She slid into her side of the bed, tugging you down in the middle as your dad moved in on your other side. “So we could watch a movie, play a game-“

“Guys,” you said. “It’s okay. You had other plans-“

“And now our plans are to spend time with you,” said your dad, throwing his arm over your shoulders, tucking you into his side. You glanced up, frowning at the deep worry in his eyes. “Honey, you never have to ask us to be with you like you’re some kind of bother. Please know that.”

“You know me,” you said, your mom scooting closer, taking one of your hands in hers. “Can I maybe, I know how this is going to sound-“

“Y/N. Ask like we’re your mom and dad, not strangers,” said your mom. 

“I know that too. I’m a little shaky I guess,” you breathed out, both of them holding your closer. “Can we spend more time together, like one on one? Like make a night or something for us like we did when I was younger? That really helped me back then and TJ thinks it’ll help now too.”

“Knew there was a reason I loved that boy,” said your mom. “Of course we can do that.”

You felt your dad stiffen though, your head turning up. He looked sad, pouting almost. 

“You have to go away for a project soon, don’t you,” you said quietly. 

“Oh no,” said your mom, her hand leaving yours, both of them covering her mouth. “We both have to for two weeks starting on Tuesday. Daddy’s gone for over a month.”

“JJ was going to be in charge and we were going to come home on the weekends but-“

“You have work. I understand.” Still, tears prickled in the corner of your eyes. Why’d you have to be so stupid and push them away for the past month? Now they were both going to be gone.

“Come with us.” Your dad turned your cheek to face him, wiping away a stray droplet before it could fall. “We need to be together again for a little bit. Come to the project with us for two weeks and then you can decide to stay with me or go home with mom but either way you got at least one of us.”

“That’s a long time to be away from Allie and Colin,” you said, biting your bottom lip. “But I know TJ can handle it. I need to talk to him first. I can’t make that kind of decision on my own.”

“We understand. Trust me. Dad and I have had a lot of those conversations over the years.” You already knew TJ would tell you to go and have fun. But you’d never spent more than a few days away from the kids. 

“The little one’s will survive. Give ‘em a call and facetime them everyday and it helps. Believe me, nothing beats a hug from them when you’ve been gone for a few weeks,” said your dad. “They’ve dealt with TJ being gone for a week for work before. They’ll be alright if you choose to go.”

“I know they would. It’s me I don’t know about,” you said, closing your eyes. “Let me talk to TJ and I’ll give you guys an answer in the morning.”

“Whatever you want to do. We can always hang out when we get back too,” he said, kissing your temple. “So can I interest you ladies in a game of Mario Kart?”

Three days later you were walking into an upscale cabin you were sharing with your parents, most of the other cabins at the unique little hotel filled with cast and crew for the movie your parents were making. They were producing it and your dad was starring as the main character. You’d done the set design on it nearly a year prior and while you’d forgotten most of the story, you were excited to see one of your sets in person. Plus you hadn’t seen your dad on a film set in more than a few years and knew seeing him act in person was a rare treat.

After you ditched your bags in the spare bedroom, you changed and met up with your parents for a pre-shoot dinner they were hosting at a restaurant in town with the cast and some of the higher ups. While the dinner was fun, you were tired from traveling all the way to Vancouver all day. You ducked outside to give TJ a quick call but were reluctant to go back inside and have to be social again when you were exhausted.

“Hey,” said a woman around your age if you had to guess, her hair silky and tied back in a loose ponytail, a black floral tank top and jeans on. “You’re Y/N, right?”

“Uh yeah,” you said, offering her a smile. “You’re Cara Micks. You’re playing Maddie. My parents were really glad they managed to get you. Everybody wants you in their stuff after that indie film.”

“One little Oscar nom and suddenly I’m not surviving off ramen in an apartment with four roommates,” she laughed, nodding her head. “I uh, I’m really glad I got this role, even if it’s not what my agent wanted me to pick. Working with your dad is like a dream come true. He has such a good reputation. I know this’ll be a good set.”

“I can guarantee it’ll be one of the best you ever work on,” you said as she wiped off her forehead.

“Plus it’s a good story. You did the set design, right?” she asked. You hummed, her eyes lighting up. “I got to sneak down and see some of the set mock ups earlier today. They look really cool. I’d love to know more about how that kind of stuff works. If that’s okay. People seem to think I know a lot about this business when I’ve really only done a few gigs before.”

“Well, I’ve never been on a set I’ve designed before so I’m right there with you but I’d happily answer any questions. I’ll leave the acting stuff to my dad though. I can barely tell you what a mark is,” you said, Cara smiling as she closed her eyes. “You good to drive?”

“Yeah, just tired. I’ll see you tomorrow though. Maybe we can grab lunch?” she asked.

“Sure,” you said, Cara handing over her phone. You exchanged numbers and watched her drive off as your parents walked out of the restaurant, others trailing out. 

“Ready for bed? We got an early day tomorrow,” said your mom. You hummed and closed your eyes, your dad rubbing your back.

“Come on. Sooner we get back soon you can head to sleep.”

“Oh my god! It’s my basement!” you said, hopping up and down when you walked onto set the next morning. 

“And what a lovely torture basement it is, kiddo,” laughed your dad. You walked around the set, poking at the shelves, surprised they actually put the cobblestone walls in. He nudged you when you ran your hands over it, a proud smile on his face. “It does look good. Appreciate the fact you know an old shack would have cobblestone and not cinder blocks.”

“That was the point,” you said, walking around the space, stopping at the chair in the center of the basement. “They even found the same chair!”

“They do tend to make the sets match what’s designed,” he chuckled, following you around set, hands clasped behind his back. “You should do this full-time. Design.”

“I don’t know,” you said with a shrug, watching him take a seat on the wooden steps. You sat down in the chair across from him, resting your chin in your hands. “TJ has great benefits so it’s not like a fear of having to be self-employed or not getting gigs. I could not work and we’d be perfectly fine.”

“If you have a sense of obligation to stay at the brewery-”

“I know I don’t have to,” you said. “The team does all the real work.”

“So what’s keeping you from giving it a shot? I mean,” he said, leaning back on his elbows, kicking his legs out in front of him, “You’ve got more than a few projects under your belt. You have the resume, connections. You can set your own schedule. Granted, yeah, it’s not going to be every single day and there’ll be long days sometime but you’ve already handled that with two small kids and working another job.”

“I know,” you said, his head cocking as he smiled. 

“So…” You closed your eyes and sighed.

“My brewery job you gave me. And somehow people always know I’m your daughter, even when I use Hanover in projects. I just…if I do this full time people are going to assume I got the job because of my dad and I’ll never know if it’s because I’m good at it or if a director wants to work with you. You know?” He nodded, smirking as he glanced down at the concrete floor. “You know it’s true.”

“Nepotism is a thing in this industry for sure. But I also am a product of that through grandpa and people he knew. Nepotism gets you in the door as a guest and it’s right to acknowledge that. Talent gets you invited to stay at the party long after all the wannabe’s head home.”

“But I didn’t earn it like someone off the street,” you said. He sighed, running his hand through his hair.

“Cold hard truth? No one knew who the fuck you were when you submitted that first portfolio for your first project. Nobody. I know that because I worked with the director of that project after and he had zero clue you’re my kid. He recommended you to other projects before I came along so you did earn it. You’re right. You’ll never know for sure but you shouldn’t stop because of it. You don’t always have to start in last place to be worthy of earning first.”

“But nepotism is basically cheating your way to first,” you said.

“Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes, it’s a kid who is talented who got in on her own and won’t give herself a break to do something she clearly loves because she thinks it was a gift. Even if it was a gift, take it. Life threw enough shit at you. Take the nice crap too.”

You pursed your lips, looking around. “You think I’m good at this?”

“Mom and I didn’t approach you to do this project for shits and giggles. We knew you’d do quality work and sure as shit, you did. There are not a lot of sets on this film. Most scenes take place out in the woods so the pieces we do have, they need to be fucking good. And this room doesn’t even have four walls and it’s scary as hell so yeah, I’d say you’re good at this.” He stood up, holding out his hands. “Come on, let’s go check out the rest of the sets.”

“Has anyone seen Cara today?” asked the director, Dave close to lunchtime. You glanced up from where you sat in your dad’s chair, your mom over at the film tent with the other producers.

“She’s still not here?” asked your dad as he walked off set. They’d been filming for a few hours for his scenes at the police station but those were wrapped up, everyone ready to start in the basement once lunch break was over. “That doesn’t seem like her.”

You pulled out your phone and dialed, getting no answer. You tried a few more times and got more of the same. 

“This fucking kid,” grumbled Dave, leaning back in his seat. “Can someone get over to her hotel room and tell her to get her ass on set? I don’t care if she was nominated for a fucking Oscar. She pulls any diva shit and I’ll kick her out.”

“She said she was tired last night,” you said, several heads turning your direction. “When we left dinner. She looked a little ill too, like sweaty.”

“Well if she’s sick she’s supposed to call in. She better be fucking dying for not giving notice,” said Dave. You raised your eyebrow at him, Dave giving it right back. “I’m not being dramatic. It’s in her contract what she’s supposed to do if she’s sick.”

“Maybe so but a little common decency doesn’t hurt. You shouldn’t wish for someone to be ‘fucking dying’ because they’re not at work on time,” you shot back. You could feel the eyes on you, most of the nearby crew watching you. 

To your surprise Dave nodded, his face relaxing. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have said that. Let’s have someone get over to her place and see what’s going on.”

People dispersed for lunch, your parents holding hands as they stopped at the chair and your dad grabbed his phone.

“Sorry I did that,” you said as you stood. They shared a smile, your dad tucking you under his shoulders as you walked out of the studio.

“We’re not,” said your mom, tilting her head up to your dad. “Remember when she used to be scared of men?”

“You wouldn’t know it with that little display,” he said, squeezing your shoulder. “And you think you’re riding off my reputation in this business. Think again, tall munchkin. Things like that are why people want to work with you.”

“I could have done it privately,” you said with a shrug.

“Don’t take shit on a set. We both did,” said your mom. “It’s nice to know you won’t.”

“Well, what’s the worst that’ll happen? I get fired? So what,” you said. 

“We did good,” said your dad, releasing you to high-five your mom. You rolled your eyes and walked ahead, turning around to walk backwards.

“Excuse me but I did good. Y’all were just like…there,” you said, smirking. Both their faces fell and you sighed, stopping in your tracks. “Oh my god, it was a joke! Guys. You two driving me insane as a teenager was incredibly helpful. You definitely did good. Promise.”

“Well,” said your mom with a smile, “It was a team effort.”

“It was,” you said, your dad biting his bottom lip. You spun around and smiled. “It didn’t hurt having a good guy want to be my dad. He set the bar high so I don’t accept shit. I appreciate that.”

You glanced over your shoulder and caught him smiling off to the side, his cheeks a hot pink.

“Dad are you blushing?” you teased. He snapped his attention to you and rolled his eyes, failing to keep his lips from curling up. 

“God no. I don’t blush,” he scoffed. 

“Sure you don’t,” you said, smiling as you headed for the catering tent. “I forgot you’re a super tough manly man.”

“Damn straight I am,” he said. You shook your head and got in line, looking up when you felt him by your side. “You shouldn’t feel guilty.”

“Dad-” you said quietly as you both stepped forward. 

“Your parents hurt us, they hurt you. You didn’t do anything to us. I wouldn’t be strong enough to risk getting hurt by another set of parents let alone believe they love me. I’d be terrified. You’ve always been the strong one in this family, kiddo. You don’t have to say nice things to make me feel better.”

You shook your head, smiling when you looked down. “I don’t say things to you to make you feel better, dad. You or mom. I only say what I believe and genuinely, you made me know what to expect out of men and if they don’t deliver, I’ll let them know about it. I’m not blowing smoke up your ass.”

He smirked, nodding to himself. “You stopped feeling guilty before we even got out here, didn’t you.”

“What can I say? You guys give good pep talks,” you said, feeling your mom hug your waist from behind. “It’s still cool that I came out though right?”

“Don’t ask dumb questions, kiddo,” he chuckled. “Let’s get some lunch and hopefully Cara will be back by then.”

“We have a big problem,” said Dave, stopping by your lunch table about twenty minutes later. Your parents left, leaving the rest of you wondering what was going on. When your lunch break was up, people headed back to their various departments, your dad appearing out of nowhere and giving you a strange look.

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

“Cara has food poisoning it sounds like. The PA that went over found her vomiting. She’s taking her to the hospital to get some fluids in her. Hopefully she’s feeling better later.”

“Oh. Well that’s good,” you said, that strange look still there. “Dad…”

“Technically the scenes we need to film this afternoon are all my coverage. Since Cara’s stunts don’t start until next week, her stunt double and stand in aren’t here yet. But you may have noticed you and Cara share a certain-”

“You want me to fucking double for Cara Micks? Me?” you asked as he smiled.

“You guys are the same height, size. Your hair’s almost the exact same. Literally all you have to do is put on some clothes, sit in a chair with some make up on and make sounds like you’re scared. It’s not going to be hard at all.” You stared at him, his eyes searching yours. “I promise it’s as easy as-”

You crossed your arms and glanced down, kicking at the pavement. “You’re filming the scenes where Ben finds Maddie. Your coverage.”

“Exactly,” he said, voice dropping slightly. “You don’t have to. We can find another woman to I’m sure. I just thought you’re perfect for it already. But you don’t-”

“Dad. It’s not the being a stand in. I don’t mind that,” you said. He cocked his head when you raised yours, sighing deeply. “I’m nervous that…I know that scene. I remember it from the design. Maddie is tied up in a chair in a basement. And I know it’s a film set and it’s safe but…”

You shrugged, smiling wearily.

“House six,” you whispered, his head nodding. “I’m just-”

“I never should have asked,” he said softly. “I’m sorry.” 

“Dad, no,” you said, grabbing his arm before he could go. You tugged him away between some trailers, letting go when you ran your hand through your hair. 

“Tall munchkin, there is no way I would make you do that. I am so sorry I-”

“Stop. Please.” He snapped his lips shut. After a beat you leaned back against a trailer wall, breathing slowly. “Ben’s a cop. House six, that prick was a cop. I need…I don’t know the script that much, only the early parts, if at all. Tell me Ben’s a good guy.”

“He has his rough spots but by the end of the movie, Ben and Maddie are basically father and daughter. It’s a big step for her considering her own father is the one that had her kidnapped and then tried to kill her.” You pursed your lips, his eyes scanning the clouds overhead. “This is going to sound corny as hell but just listen to me for a minute.”

“Okay,” you said as he met your gaze.

“You’re a grown woman. I recognize that and respect it. You can make your own choices, own mistakes, successes. You have a husband and children and I know when you’re in trouble, I’m not the first person you turn to anymore. That’s okay. It’s normal.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and smirked. “But you’re still my little girl. I will always do my best to protect you or I’ll go down swinging in the process. You don’t have to worry about if the character I’m playing is good or bad. I’m your dad. Behind every character is me. And you know me and what I’d do for you.”

You looked away, nodding a few times.

“You don’t have to do this. At all. But understand that I would not allow anything to happen to you if I didn’t believe it was safe. I’ll let you get some bumps and scrapes along the way cause that’s life. But no more scars. Because I told you that night on the road my job is to protect you, that I’ll never hurt you. You know that deep down but you need to hear it out loud sometimes because you get scared.”

You felt him step closer and forced yourself to face him. “What?”

“I will never let anything like what happened in that house happen to you again. Understand?” 

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he smiled, giving you a hug. “Why don’t you go hang out in my trailer for a bit? It’s going to take a little bit to find someone and start filming again.”

“Well,” you said, his eyebrow raising, “You or mom will be nearby the whole time right?”

“Absolutely,” he said. You shrugged and nodded. “You change your mind?”

“I can do it,” you said. “You sure you can?”

“Me?” he laughed. “What do you mean?”

“You gonna be cool with seeing me with fake blood and stuff?” He cocked his head and smirked. 

“Fake blood I can handle,” he said, your mom stopping by the end of the trailer. “She says she good with it.”

“Oh thank you,” she sighed, quickly grabbing your hand and dragging you behind her. “Jensen, you need to change while I get her ready.”

“See you on set, kiddo.”

“Thank you everyone,” called Dave at the end of the day. You stretched out as you stood up from the chair, your dad rubbing your shoulders that had a small ache to them. “That’s a wrap for the day.”

“How you feeling?” asked your dad, massaging the muscles with my force, the ache soothing away.

“That helps,” you said, Dave coming over to you. 

“I really do appreciate you filling in for us today, Y/N,” he said. 

“It’s no problem. I didn’t have to do much,” you said.

“Well thanks anyways, and for calling me out earlier. I want this to be a fun set.”

“I think I figured that out when dad started carrying me out of the scene upside down,” you laughed, your dad chuckling. “How’s Cara feeling?”

Dave shared a look with your dad, his hands falling away from you. “She still at the hospital?”

“Appendicitis. It fucking popped this afternoon.”

“Shit,” said your dad. “That’s bad.”

“She was being prepped for surgery when it happened, which was good, I guess. They were able to go in fast and clean her up. I was going to drop by in a bit and check up on her.”

“Dee and I’ll go too. Her parents know?”

“On the way but Florida’s pretty far. They won’t be here until around midnight. I’ll see you guys there,” he said when he got pulled away by another producer.

“Can I go?” you asked. 

“Sure. Let’s stop by hair and makeup so they can clean you up first.”

The Next Morning

“What do you think they’re going to do?” said the key grip as everyone ate breakfast together. Cara was doing better but she was on strong antibiotics so she didn’t get an infection and her surgery had been more invasive than if her appendix hadn’t burst. All in all, it meant she was on bed rest for a few weeks and looking at a full month before she was going to be cleared for work.

Which wouldn’t have been a big problem if your dad didn’t have a project lined up for six weeks from now. 

“There’s no way we can finish on time unless they got in a backfill today,” said Molly, your dad’s PA, slurping down a bowl of oatmeal. “Jensen has two different films he’s supposed to be in once we wrap and they’re big studio ones. No way he’d drop those to finish this late with Cara.”

“Couldn’t they just push until after he does the movies? That’s only a few weeks, really randomly too. He wouldn't be needed every day at those,” you said. The key grip, a very, very tall man named Ivan shook his head.

“Cara’s got a Marvel role she starts prepping for then. By the time both their schedules are free it’s late winter and we can’t film in that, not when the movie takes place in the early fall. So that pushes us back to next summer which a lot of the time means we’re dead in the water.”

“Yup,” said Molly with a sigh. “I liked this job. Your dad’s not a dickhead and I’ve worked with some dickheads before.”

“How hard is it to find another actress though? Couldn’t they call up like the girl that came in second in the auditions?” you asked. They shared a look and you frowned. “I clearly am not in on the gossip.”

“It’s okay. You just got here,” said Molly, slurping up more oatmeal. “Rumor is it took like five months to find someone to play Maddie. No one could pull off the intense moments in the script until they got Cara. It’s an amazing script but damn, the lead actress has to be able to do a fucking lot.”

“What do you mean? How’s that different than any other story?” you asked, Ivan chuckling. “I am so out of the loop.”

“Set designers normally are. We hardly ever see you guys to be fair. But basically Maddie in the story has be vulnerable but funny, a whimpering mess but also frighteningly creepy. Soft but strong. Do a number of fight scenes with grown ass men twice her size. All while running around in the woods most days, freezing her ass off during the many night shoots and being able to not oversell the emotional moments and have it come off as cheesy instead of awesome. It’ll be a miracle to find someone like Cara Micks.”

“Oh. Well that sucks. The movie sounds cool. I really want to see if get made,” you said, your mom ducking into the tent with a smile, waving you over. “I’ll be back guys.”

“Let us know if you find out anything!” said Molly. You gave them a smile and walked out of the tent with your mom, surprised when she was practically jogging away.

“Where are you going?” you laughed, following after, grateful you were in a pair of sneakers and leggings today. She just waved and you followed her into your dad’s trailer, many pairs of eyes on you. Your dad and Dave were there along with the other producers that were on set, the assistant director, the writer and a few other people you didn’t know. “Hi.”

You took the only open seat at the far end of the little couch across from your dad, Dave walking over and squatting down in front of you. “Uh, can someone explain what’s happening?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard we’re a bit fucked without Cara. We can’t film a two lead movie without one of our leads. She’s a hard girl to replace,” said Dave. Your eyes flicked up to your dad, his lips pressed into a thin line. “We would like it if you’d entertain us for a few hours and try to film a few scenes with Jensen. You already did the stand in work yesterday and that was great-”

“I played a barely conscious girl yesterday. I didn’t have to do anything.” You got to your feet and shook your head. “I can’t act let alone replace the girl who almost got an Oscar. I will happily be a stand-in but guys…y’all do realize I’m not related by blood to these guys, right? There is zero chance any acting talent was passed along. I haven’t acted since the fourth grade where I played girl #4. Does that sound like the person you want starring in a freaking movie with him?”

Your dad shrugged. “I think you’re selling yourself short.”

You were wide eyed, mouth dropping. Had he lost his mind?

“You’re very smart. You had a lot of good suggestions during pre-production,” said Dave, taking a seat on the couch. 

“Sets. Sets I get. I have a degree in architecture and so does my husband. I know walls and floors and ceilings. This? I have zero fucking clue about acting.” Dave looked at your parents, slowly returning his gaze back to you. “I can’t do it. I’ll ruin your damn movie.”

“Well we can’t film shit without Cara so let us try for two hours. If you’re as shitty as you say you are, then I have no problem telling you that. Let us try to grab a life preserver before we go down with the ship. That’s all we’re asking,” said Dave. You grumbled, putting your back to the room before sighing.

“Fine. But no one get mad at me when I can’t do it, alright?” you said, turning around with a huff.

“Perfect. Get her a script and in hair and make up. Jensen, we’ll give you twenty minutes to rehearse before we’ll try on set.” You were ushered out of the room and twenty later you were back there with a wad of paper in your hand, wearing the same dirty t-shirt, leggings and sneakers you wore in the basement scene yesterday.

“Why the fuck would you volunteer me for this?” you said the second you were in his trailer, your dad snapping his head up from where he sat on the couch with his own papers. “When have I ever expressed an interest in acting? I look like shit. I’m not a bombshell like Cara Micks. I look like damn roadkill. You are insane for thinking I could pull something like this off. Why, why do you think I can do this? What is wrong with you, dad?”

He looked you up and down, a soft smile on his face. “Stop smiling! I’m pissed!”

“You do realize the qualities Maddie has in the movie are all ones you have, don’t you? You can do it because you have done it. And don’t tell me you can’t act,” he scoffed. You threw up your hands, dropping your papers.

“Of course I can’t fucking act! Why on earth would you think I can?” you said. He walked over in front of you, crossing his arms and staring you down. “What is wrong with you? I can’t-”

“You can act with the best of them.” You could only stare with wide eyes, growing angrier at the smug expression on his face.

“Stop saying that!” you shot back. “Why would you make me do this? I’m going to humiliate myself and you and mom and-”

He started to laugh and you’d had enough. You turned to leave, his hands gently catching your shoulders. You swore your eye was twitching when you faced him, that stupid smile still there.

“Oh, kiddo. I watched you put on a class act for months when you first came to us. Before that? Acted your ass off in those shitty foster homes. Acted your ass off when you put in anonymous calls to get the truly awful ones shut down. Pretended it was all okay to those monsters faces when it was eating you up inside. Even with your birth parents you pretended to be perfect for them.” He got in your face, tilting his head ever so slightly. “You can act and it’s like I told you yesterday. You’re safe here. So trust me to keep you safe and you can act when your damn survival doesn’t depend on it for the first time in your life. Trust me, it’s going to be a hell of a lot easier than the last time you acted.”

You frowned, growling as he leaned back. “Has anyone ever told you how irritating it is that you always have a fucking point?”

“I recall being told once or twice by a certain munchkin,” he chuckled, picking up the papers and handing them over. “Oh and Y/N? You are beautiful, even with that bruised makeup on your face. Believe me.”

“Dad. You have to say that.”

“Hm, no I don’t,” he laughed, taking a seat. “You don’t know how many death glares I’ve handed out over the years. Plus your husband never shuts up about how pretty you are.”

“Don’t make me smile. I’m still annoyed with you,” you said, sitting down at his kitchenette table, fixing your pages. “Do I have to have this memorized?”

“Let’s just practice a few times and go from there.”

Two Weeks Later

It was quiet out. Then again it normally was at two in the morning. You sipped on your thermos of hot coffee while the crew took a short break. You passed it to your dad beside you, the two of you sat in front of a fire in the forest. Above you was a clearing in the sky, so many stars out in the deep wilderness.

“You’re happy.” You glanced to your right, the shadows dancing across his face. 

“Yeah,” you whispered, looking back up at the sky. “It’s so pretty here.”

“I’m really glad I get to do this with you,” he said quietly. 

“Me too.” You took the thermos back from him, taking another sip. You were both quiet, watching the flames in front of you. He wore a long sleeve henley while you were still in your t shirt and leggings. But at least tonight you got to wear his warm flannel between takes. Until he’d give it to you in the scene at least. You set the thermos behind the log where it’d be hidden from view when they turned the cameras back on in a few minutes, catching your dad close his eyes. “Dad. Don’t fall asleep.”

“I’m not sleeping. Just happy.” You hummed, connecting the stars in the sky, trying to find the big dipper. “Kiddo?”

“Yeah?” 

“It’s to the left of that branch.” You spotted him with eyes open, darting around as they made connections.

“I used to sit outside when I was a kid and stare at the stars. No one ever bothered me when I did that,” you said, pointing out the little dipper to him. “Always seemed so peaceful up there.”

“Did you find a little peace down here?” You nodded, laughing quietly. “What’s so funny?”

“You wonder where I get it from,” you said, shaking your head. “You want to be told you’re loved as much as I do.”

“I suppose I do,” he said, the heat of his gaze on you. 

“Yeah, I found my peace down here. Don’t think I ever told him the night of my seventeenth birthday was the first time I slept through the night in a decade. I got my peace a very long time ago, just was afraid of losing it.”

“Afraid anymore?” he whispered. You shook your head, catching Orion far off on the other side of the clearing. 

“No. No one can take my peace away from me ever again.” He shifted closer, letting you rest your head on his shoulder. “This is the longest I’ve ever been away from TJ since we’ve been together.”

He hummed, breathing softly.

“How do you stand being away from mom for weeks at a time?” He crossed his arms, smiling to himself.

“Why do you think I’d fly all night just to see her and you guys for half a day? We know how to make long distance work. Our whole relationship has always had an element of it. But getting a hug when you get home eases that ache that forms.”

“I miss Thomas,” you whispered. 

“You’ll see him and the babies tomorrow,” he said, crew memembers starting to gather back around, eyes fluttering open. “He has a surprise for you.”

“Oh god. What’d he do?” He held up his hands and scooted back over to his mark. You put on puppy dog eyes, a sigh leaving him. 

“He and the kids made you a cake. He misses you too.” You inhaled deeply. “Do you regret-”

“No. I just need a moment with him is all.” You forced a smile and nodded. “Alright. Let’s do this.”

Three Weeks Later

“You’re so pretty,” whispered TJ as you exited the bathroom in a pair of pajama shorts and one of his t-shirts. You laughed, pushing back your damp hair before crawling into bed with him. “I can’t believe I’m sleeping with a movie star.”

You slapped his chest, TJ giggling, rolling himself so he rested his chin on your chest. You ran your fingers through his dark strands, TJ inhaling slowly.

“If this was something you wanted to try, you know we’ll figure it out, right?” You smiled, nodding once.

“People said I did good.”

“If you mean your parents bragging about how fucking incredible you did then sure, you did good.” You traced your finger over his cheek, concern growing in his eyes. “You’ve moved on from the brewery and we both know it. You can clearly do this acting thing if you wanted.”

“Thomas,” you sighed. He wrapped his arms under you, giving you a squeeze. “The only reason I did it in the first place was to help. I did it to spend time with my parents. I got to hang out with my dad so much and a lot of the stuff we filmed…I couldn’t have done that with someone else.”

“I have no problem with you not taking your career that direction if you don’t want to do it. But I don’t want you to not try because you do want it and you’re scared. I want you to go after everything you want in life,” he said quietly, tilting his head up, kissing your jaw. “That’s all I want from you.”

“I don’t want it,” you said, closing your eyes. “I want to get into set design full time. Being away for so long, even coming home on the weekend in the middle there…I don’t want to be gone from you guys for that long regularly.”

“I understand, believe me. We missed you too,” he said, giving you another squeeze. “But we’d go with you if you wanted.”

“I know you would,” you murmured, slowly peeling open your eyes to find him with a smile on his lips. “Let’s put it in the maybe someday again category, if it were with my parents. Until then, I am ready to take a few weeks off and spend some time home.”

He nuzzled you and chuckled. “Why not make a vow to not leave this bed? That can easily be arranged.”

“You’re cockier than usual, my sweet boy,” you teased, TJ lifting himself up on his hands, leaning down over you. “Feeling needy?”

“I haven’t slept with my wife in three weeks. I’m fucking needy. Now if the movie star was so kind-” You smacked him with a pillow, TJ putting on a shocked face. “Is this how you hollywood types are?”

“You’re such an ass!” you laughed, hitting him again, TJ plopping all of his weight down straight on top of you. “Thomas!”

A throat cleared in the room, TJ spinning around and in front of you quickly, your dad smirking at you both. “Well I didn’t mean to interrupt this strange…whatever flirting thing this is but I do need to talk to Y/N. It’s kind of important.”

“What’s up?” you asked, shoving a pillow in TJ’s lap to hide the tent in his pants. 

“Your birth parents got wind that you were doing a movie.” You narrowed your eyes as he sighed. “They gave an interview an hour ago. My team is freaking out. I couldn’t care less what they say but-”

“But it could damage your reputation.” 

He was blank faced but you knew it could be turn into a big deal. “I don’t give a shit about mine. But they said you only got set design jobs because I got them for you and I know how much it means to you to make your name on your own. Just don’t look at your phones or go online for a while. I’m going to fix this. I promise.” 

“Is there anything we should do? Or I guess shouldn’t?” asked TJ. 

“I know you two are careful about handing out your numbers but don’t answer any calls-”

“I know how to fix all of this,” you said. You felt both of their eyes on you as you climbed out of bed and tugged on TJ’s hoodie sitting on the bench at the foot of it. You glanced back at TJ and then to your dad.

“You want me to release that video. The security footage from the back porch with your parents,” he said. 

“Yes and no.” You slipped past him and went down the hall to the kitchen, both of them following as you grabbed an empty coffee mug from the cabinet. You set it under the coffee machine and after a moment it was churning, the pair of them looking very confused. “On a scale of one to ten, how much will your team freak out if you don’t say anything for like…twelve hours?”

“Considering this is the most controversial thing that’s ever happened to me, probably like a fifty. Why? You’re thinking of something,” he said.

“Like I said, I know how to fix this. But I need time and a few other things.”

“This isn’t your mess to fix,” he said. “I’ll release the video with a statement or-”

“Or…you can give me what I need and I can guarantee anyone with a brain who thinks you and mom manipulated me will change their minds.” You could tell he didn’t want to have to get you involved. He knew how much they’d hurt you. All he wanted to do was protect you from them ever doing that again.

“Give her a chance, Jensen,” said TJ, getting out another mug for himself. “I know my wife. If she has an idea, let’s give it a shot.”

You stepped forward and stood in front of him, his lips pressed into a thin line. “It’s your choice, dad. We can do whatever you and your team want. I just feel like if I said something first it’d mean more. I really need you trust me with this if you-”

“What do you need?” he asked, a small smile on his lips. You nodded, inhaling deeply and grabbing the pad of paper and a pen from nearby.

“You instagram password to start.” He jotted it down, giving you a look to not do anything stupid with his account. “I also need the login to the cloud account with the video backup at the house.”

“I can send you the video of your parents directly. It’ll be easier than-”

“Dad. Just give me the login.” He wrote down more on the pad, his eyes concerned now. “How far back does it go?”

“Since we had the house. What-”

“Is it just video or audio too?”

“Both…I’m pretty sure the security company compresses the files.” You hummed, grabbing the paper and picking up your mug, heading for your home office.

“Uh, is there anything we can do?” asked TJ. You spun around and took a sip of coffee.

“Keep the coffee coming and dad, tell your team you need to discuss with your family and you’ll have a statement out by the morning. Otherwise, do not disturb me.”

You slipped away into your office, leaning back against it. 

“This is gonna be a long night.”

Twelve Hours Later

You yawned as you exited your office, quickly making your way down to the bedroom and plopping down next to a sleeping TJ. You were asleep in an instant and woke up a few hours later at noon to TJ shoving on your shoulder.

You were pretty sure you growled at him but he knew how tired you were after the jet lag and staying up a full day. But you needed to try to get your schedule back on track so you reluctantly let him pull you up to sitting.

“You’re on CNN! Come look!” he said. You shook your head, TJ hoisting you up, carrying you bridal style into the family room where what looked like your entire family sat watch the news.

And there was your face from the video you’d made in the middle of the night smack dab in the middle of the screen. TJ set you down as heads turned, your mom rushing over and hugging you.

“How did you make that so fast? How…you didn’t have to share those things, honey,” she said, holding on tight. 

“I just wanted people to know the difference between a bad parent and a good one,” you said, surprised to find your dad missing. “Is dad mad? I know I put a lot of private moments in and things he’d probably wished had stayed a secret.”

You spotted him come out of the hallway where the half-bath was, his face neutral. He was mad. Of course he was mad. You’d been sleep deprived when you put that video together. You fucked it up. You should have just let him handle it so you didn’t make it worse.

“Dad, I’m sorry. I should have…” you trailed off when he held up his finger and stepped in front of you. He looked you up and down and nodded a few times. “I’m sorry.”

“You make a video telling the world how miserable you used to be, about some of the bad things foster parents did and calling them out by name, about how mom and I changed your life, about how I…” he clamped his mouth shut, glancing away with a scrunched up face. You swore his bottom lip wobbled and smiled, watching him put his back to your siblings who were all watching intently. 

“Was it the part about you being the only real dad I’ve ever had that got you or how I called you a good man that anyone would be lucky enough to have in their life?”

“Goddammit, Y/N,” he said, wiping off his face, keeping his head turned away. “It’s one thing when we say that shit in private but you had to say it to everyone?”

“Yeah because everyone should know. Those assholes tried to fuck with you. My whole life assholes fucked with me and now they tried to do it to someone I love. I’m not letting that shit go anymore. So fuck my birth parents and fuck my other foster parents. If people find out that you’re a good person in the process then that’s a bonus to me.”

He sighed, forcing himself to turn around, a sad smile on his face. “I just wish you hadn’t felt forced to share those things.”

“I didn’t,” you said, his eyes widening ever so slightly in surprise. “All I wanted to do was send a message to those people that they can’t hurt me anymore. I’m sorry if I royally screwed stuff up for you or violated your privacy. I just wanted them to leave us alone from now on.”

“You didn’t, sweetie,” said your mom, tucking you into her side, your dad nodding, easing a bit. He cleared his throat and ruffled your hair, his smile relaxed now. 

“You with me for a second,” he said. You followed him down the hall to your room, frowning when you were alone.

“Dad I really am-” He pressed a finger to your lips shushing you, fixing your hair behind your ears.

“Do you remember after the accident when I couldn’t take showers and there was that time you helped me wash my hair?” You nodded as he fixed your part, smiling to himself. “I realized something that day.”

“What?” you asked quietly. He rested his hands on your shoulders, breathing slowly.

“You’re a good person too,” he said softly. You cocked your head, a sliver of a chuckle slipping past his lips. “I knew before then but in that moment, when you with one arm in a sling offered to help me, I just knew I was damn lucky I wound up with a kid like you.”

“You were hurt and I helped…how does that make me a good person for doing what I should have in the first place?”

“Welcome to life in my head the past three hours while everyone in my life tells me how amazing I am when all I did with you was what I was supposed to.” 

“Well…” you groaned, stomping your foot. “How do you always do that! Every single time you turn it around on me. It’s not fair!”

“I’ve been playing the game longer than you have,” he chuckled, picking up a hair tie off your dresser and bunching up your hair. “Something I learned with your youngest sister is if you start braiding their hair, then you have a captive audience so you can get out of them whatever intel you need.”

You raised your eyebrow at him as he started to work the hair together, ignoring your face. “And what intel are you looking to get out of me?”

“Just sharing a parenting tip,” he chuckled. “You? You I think I have a pretty good idea of where we stand.”

“Oh you do, huh?” You glanced down, annoyed at the fact he could do a far better fishtail braid than you ever had. He slipped the tie off his wrist, twisting it in place a few times before humming.

“Yeah. I mean, I’m apparently the best dad that ever existed so…” he said, chuckling when you lightly punched his arm. 

“You’re just…” you trailed off with a shrug, a smile on his face. “Are you mad? About me showing all those videos of us from home over the years?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Honestly, I loved it. Made me cry like a baby but I loved it. I know you’re pretty damn selective about who you let in but I’m glad I made the cut.”

“Yeah, well, you’re alright for an old guy.” You smirked, getting one in return. “I love you?”

“Yeah you’re lucky I’m still in a good mood,” he said, cocking his head. “Want to know why you’re on the news?”

“Because you’re oh so famous,” you said dramatically, his eyes narrowing. “You so want to give me a noogie, don’t you.”

“The desire is strong,” he said, clasping his hands behind his back. “In news surprising no one, your birth parents were keeping more secrets. Apparently they stole money from their shady employer. A lot of money. Which then the attempt on their lives were made. They were never in witness protection. They were working a deal with the government. Go undercover and they wouldn’t be arrested for partaking in those shady deals themselves. They took the deal and ran. Feds lost them a long, long time ago. You were only supposed to be in foster care a few weeks. But when those dummies got money hungry…they seem to have forgotten they’re fugitives. Pretty interesting have people like that call me the manipulator huh?”

You parted your lips, holding up a hand. “Did they arrest them?”

“It was in process on the news when you came out,” he said as you stood and headed for the door.

“Oh, I want to see this.”

“Knock knock,” said your dad that evening as you lay in bed, ready for a full night’s sleep. “Need anything before we head out?”

“I’ll take a hug,” you said as you sat up. 

“Those I’m an expert on.” He walked over and sat on the edge of the mattress, giving a big squeezing one. “Get some rest. You had a long day.”

“So many phone calls. On the plus side my birth parents were arrested, the DA is looking into most of my old foster parents and you gained like a couple hundred thousand followers in like twelve hours. You can tell your PR team thank you.”

“She’s so modest and humble,” he teased, kissing your temple. “Tomorrow will be better. We’ll do breakfast burritos like a normal Sunday. How’s that sound?”

You hummed, closing your eyes. “Can you do one more thing before you go?”

“Shoot,” he said quietly.

“Can you go in my closet and get rid of the duffel bag with the files in it?” He leaned back, letting you lay back against your pillows. “I think it’s time for it to go. I don’t need it anymore.”

He smiled and stood up. “Okay then. Mind if I hang onto it?”

“Do as you please,” you said, closing your eyes. 

“You sure you don’t need these papers anymore?” he asked.

“I have my letters from you. That’s all I ever needed,” you said, shuffling the background. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, tall munchkin,” he said, tugging your blankets up. “You realize the studio wants us to make another movie together after this, don’t you?”

“It’s gotta be at a resort or no deal,” you said. He chuckled, quietly opening the door. “You can negotiate that right?”

“We’ll see,” he said. The room grew quiet for a beat before you heard his heavy exhale. “I’m really glad I managed to prove you wrong about trusting me. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to.”

“You’re annoyingly relentless like that,” you said, turning on your side, tucking your covers up. “Love you.”

“Love you back. Sleep tight, kiddo.”

__________

#jensen x daughter!reader #jensen ackles #daughter!reader #jensen ackles x daughter!reader #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfic #jensen ackles fanfic

[its-mysleepover]

Early Morning Call

idol!Jungkook  x female!Reader

genre: phone smut, established relationship, little angst

warnings: phone sex, masturbation (both f and m), dirty talk

word count: ~1.3k

Summary: Jungkook’s away on tour, both of you miss each other dearly. You wake up one morning and Jungkook has an idea for making sure you’re staying intimate in these trying times. AKA Phone sex

This was another one of ones that I wrote a long time ago and haven’t rlly touched since. Don’t be a silent reader <3 if you enjoy my work, plz consider giving a reblog or commenting :) and follow for new fics

~~~~~~~~~~

You were sinking into your mattress, the navy blanket wrapped snugly around you shielding you from the little rays of sunlight peeking through the curtains, creating almost a kaleidoscope on the ground. It pushed you deeper into your pillows, into the welcoming arms of sleep and the dream awaiting your return; a dream with violet starry skies, tall pink flowers, and you in his warm tattooed arms. You could almost hear his heartbeat through his chest, a steady bmp-bmp with every breath he took. It was warmth and it was home and you didn’t want to let it go.

Until your phone started ringing and broke through the peaceful state between sleep and awake that you were in. Your eyes shot open, facing the sunlit windows. You were still tired, your blankets oh-so comfortable, and now you were pissed. Why, you didn’t know. You could barely remember the dream you were having. All you remembered was that it made you feel euphoric, and you wanted to go back to that feeling instead of the exhaustion of being freshly awake.

The phone was still ringing. You groaned and flipped over to your side of the bed, the one with a clock on its nightstand and your phone playing its stupid tinkling noise. The clock read 11:30. Late in the morning, but considering it was Sunday, it was too early for someone to be calling you. You snatched your phone and hit the green Answer button, not even glancing at who it was because you’d probably be cursing them anyway. 

“Hello?” You greeted, annoyance dripping off your voice, which was still raspy from sleep.

“Good morning beautiful~” Jungkook responded in a teasing voice. Your jaw dropped. Suddenly, you were wide awake. 

“H-hey! Where are you?” You sat up and leaned against the headboard. Jungkook had been so busy since he’d left for tour, and even on the rare occasion that he had a moment to call you, it was never when you could pick up. 

“Sitting in the hotel room,” he chuckled. You could almost picture the smirk on his face. “We finished the show a while ago. I waited to call you though because I knew you’d be asleep,” he said teasingly. 

“You still woke me up,” you pointed out, but Jungkook could hear the smile in your voice.

“And now you’re keeping me awake,” he shot back, “so we’re basically even.”

You laughed, not even bothering to try and correct him. You were just grateful to be hearing his voice after so long. 

Silence washed over the two of you, and you simply sat there, listening to his breathing through the phone.

“I miss you,” you sighed.

“I miss you too, baby,” he replied instantly, a longing in his voice. “It’ll only be a few more weeks before I come home.”

You glanced down at the empty space on the bed, where he usually slept. “I just wish I could be close to you now,” you said softly.

Jungkook didn’t respond for a moment. You started to feel guilty for what you’d said - you shouldn’t be making him feel bad for traveling around the world doing what he loves.

You opened your mouth to apologize, but then Jungkook spoke,

“I might know how we can feel closer right now.”

Your eyebrows knit together in confusion. “What do you mean Kookie?”

You heard fabric shifting on the other end of the call. A zipper. Your toes curled in anticipation as you had a vague idea of what Jungkook was about to suggest.

“Where are you baby?” He finally asked, his voice obviously trying to be a lower timbre.

You giggled as you replied, “Sitting in our bed.”

“Oh you’re laughing now?” He scolded with fake anger. But you could hear him trying to contain a laugh. “You think this is funny?!”

“Maybe just a little,” you teased. “Where are you?”

“In a hotel room, wishing you were with me.” No hesitation. “It’s so quiet here with just me.” You pressed the phone closer to your ear and closed your eyes, letting Jungkook’s voice fill you.

“I keep picturing what it would be like if you’d come with me,” he continued, his voice and tone starting to drop naturally, to husky almost-whisper. “You would’ve loved it. There’s a window going from the ceiling to the floor, and you can see the entire city from this view. The lights look so beautiful at night. We could have walked in together, settled in, and sat by the window to look at the little world below.”

You exhaled softly. You longed to do that with Jungkook again, so much that it hurt.

“I could’ve had you pressed up against that window, your breath fogging up the glass. Would’ve wrapped my hands around your waist and slid them down, down to the zipper on your jeans. I would be kissing your neck, right on that spot under your ear that always makes you whine, while my hand slipped through your jeans, brushed those red lace panties that both of us like, and cupped your pussy. Your wet pussy. Just like I bet it is now.”

You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. Everything he described was turning you on more and more. Jungkook waited on the other end. His silence made you realize what he wanted. Thinking of his impatient look, his head tilted with an eyebrow cocked up, which always made you needy for some reason, you reached your hand down and gently touched yourself. You shivered at the feeling.

“Well, you’re right.”

He chuckled. “How wet are you baby?”

“Fucking soaked.”

“All for me?” Jungkook asked eagerly, even when he knew the answer.

“What can I say?” You whispered, “You’ve got a certain effect on me.”

He sing-songed to you, “Y/N~”

“Yes?”

You pictured Jungkook smirking in his dim room as he spoke, “Touch yourself for me.”

You drew in a sharp breath. Which Jungkook heard, going by his chuckle. Your hand was already next to your wet pussy, and you’d be lying if you’d said that Jungkook’s words weren’t turning you on to the point where you were beginning to sweat. But the two of you had never done this before. It felt so foreign to do this.

“Touch yourself,” he repeated almost sternly, “Imagine it being my fingers rubbing your clit, sliding through your folds.” He moaned at the thought. “And tell me what you wish I was doing to you right now.”

Biting your lip, you did as he asked. You reached your hand further down and started rubbing your clit gently with your pointer finger through your panties, exactly as Jungkook would do to warm you up.

“If you were here with me now Kookie…fuck,” you whined, already feeling the delicious knot forming your stomach, “I’d want you to kiss my neck in that spot you know I like. Start rubbing my clit through those lace panties you love, while wrapping your tongue around mine, before going down and tearing my underwear off. I want you to be here sucking and licking on my, oh fuck,” as you spoke, you slipped a finger through your entrance and curled it, moaning out loud, “-on my clit! Then you’d look up for just a second and tell me how sexy I look in your shirt-“

“Babe, you’re wearing my shirt right now?!” Jungkook practically growled into the phone. You felt a gush of liquid slip through your finger to coat your skin.

“Yeah, the black Balenciaga one,” you responded as clearly as you could.

Jungkook made a noise you couldn’t identify, and he kept quiet on the line for a few seconds. You stayed in the same position, slowly circling your clit as anticipation built.

“Keep going baby,” he grunted. You heard the slightest whimper slip through his lips and a wet sound coming from his end, and then you knew: he was touching himself to you. The thought sent a shiver down your body straight to your throbbing pussy.

“Okay, okay, I want you to finger-fuck me,” you continued breathily, “with your rings on,” you slipped a finger inside again and whined. You tried to keep going, “you’d make me orgasm once before tearing your own clothes off and fucking me raw.”

Jungkook moaned right in your ear, and at that you inserted another finger. He didn’t press you for more, and so you shut your eyes and kept curling your fingers in and out, feeling your pussy clench around your own fingers and imagining it was Jungkook’s tattooed hand instead. Instead of the heel of your palm moving against your clit, you pictured it being Jungkook, whether it was the tip of his nose or his thumb or his wet tongue, the image of him in between your legs brought you closer to the edge. When he moaned your name on the phone, you suddenly remembered what he was doing while listening to you. His long hand, fingers covered in tattoos, sliding up and down his hard dick while his head was tipped back and sinful noises escaped his lips….god it was driving you insane.

“Are you close baby?” You whimpered, increasing your pace.

“Almost,” came his strained whisper. “Don’t cum until I tell you to Y/N.” The dominant tone came back to his voice. All it did was bring your own orgasm closer. You were so close to coming undone on your own fingers, to his voice and your fantasies.

“Jungkook, please,” you whined. You couldn’t take it anymore.

Two more seconds passed before you heard the small grunt, “Cum.”

You let yourself go, moaning Jungkook’s name uncontrollably as you finally went over the edge and your orgasm hit you hard. You shut your eyes and continued to finger yourself through it, listening to Jungkook do the same and feeling some sense of pride at him moaning your name like that.

After a few moments, after catching your breath, you smiled to yourself. Jungkook chuckled.

“See babe? We can still have our moments even while I’m away!” He boasted happily, even if exhausted.

The smile fell away as it hit you again why you were in this position in the first place. Jungkook was miles away, in a different country, in a different time zone, while you were waking up alone in your bed. Your chest tightened at how much you longed for him, how much you missed him. It wasn’t enough just to try and imagine things, you needed to see him.

“We can, but it’s still not the same. I miss you so much,” you sighed.

“I know love,” his gentle voice filled you. “I miss you too. You have no idea how much I wish you were with me right now. But hey, it won’t be long before we see each other again.” You heard the smile.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“I’m always right,” he chuckled. His voice sounded so tired now. A silent moment passed between you and him, then,

“Have a good day y/n.”

“Goodnight Jungkook. Sleep well.”

#Jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #jeon Jungkook smut #Jungkook x reader smut #bts smut #jeon Jungkook x reader #jeon Jungkook x reader smut

[possiblytracker]

coughs loudly. scheduling this post for slightly later today so i have time to get lunch and not chicken out before it goes up

firstly i gotta apologise for dropping off the face of the earth. in hindsight it was creeping up on me for a long time I just didn't think anything of it/had enough stuff going on to ignore it for a while, but ive been wrestling with pretty abysmal mental health that just kinda hit me like a truck back in august. i wont get too much into it but things just ground to a halt and in the span of a week or so it legitimately felt like i stopped being a Person- i just stagnated, felt like i lost the ability and will to do anything or enjoy things or create like i used to, all my energy went into keeping it together in front of my family, and it made me way too anxious and ashamed and guilty to want to show my face. like who would want to put up with my stupid bullshit, right (wrong! that idea just made me unbelievably worse and i regret it extremely, but my anxiety was going extremely unchecked at this time). i don't think i've ever been that depressed before and i didn't at all know how to handle it or begin to claw my way out

fortunately, a combination of getting exercise + touching grass regularly and new enrichment/hyperfixations to latch onto like an orphaned duckling are very recently kicking some life back into me so to speak. who wouldve thought. and now where i used to still feel stomach-turning dread and paranoia thinking about getting back on tumblr and discord a week or two ago, it finally feels like i can handle dipping my toes back in. i'm making this post first bc i know most of my friends will see it, and that feels less taxing than explaining myself a bunch of different times over and over and dragging it out, but ofc i will try and get back into conversation when and as i can (askbox and discord is still best to reach me if you wanted). i'm just really sorry, and I hope you can forgive me, for making you worry or otherwise

i'm not sure what to do from here (i'm considering maybe moving main blogs to a clean slate eventually? this one will still be here i couldnt bear to get rid of it, i've just had it since i was 16 there's Baggage attached) but i'll be trying to ease my way back into relative normalcy before doing anything big ofc. in the meantime i will be vaguely floating around here again. see you around and thank you for your time..

#cryingcat.png #god i hope tumblr doesnt send out a stupid notifcation to all followers that i posted i dont know what the time limit for that is but augha #here i am tho either way #vent/ #i have missed people the entire time it is very hard to describe how stupid and cowardly it feels knowing i Could come back at any time #but also being utterly paralysed and afraid to do so. like surely i could just suck it up and i Tried but i am so so mentally unwell #i need to work on how fucked up my freeze/flight response to stress is really bad it ruins my life but i am still too unemployd for therapy #so my broke ass just has to deal with unpacking my own shit for 2 months/j #anyway the point is even tho i am getting better somewhat irl ive still been struggling to pluck up the courage to come back online #but i can't keep it up forever and completely shut down just bc it makes my anxiety superficially feel 'safer' #so here i am. feeling slightly less full of dread. bc i at very least owe it to everyone to let you all know im not dead or something idk #and i also owe it to myself to not be miserable on purpose forever!! #now i just have to get everything unmuted and wait for this to post see you on the other side

[sagau-my-beloved]

the venti in the reader’s world hcs are so cute lol, I’ve been thinking about them all day ;; I’m just imagining him or the reader getting sick and the other having to take care of them, or literally any other cute domestic fluff lmao your writing just makes me soft I love venti sm

Headcanons about sickness with both Venti and reader:

Domestic headcanons are honestly top tier, and then sick headcanons with one of the characters being vulnerable, ahhhh <3333, and I love Venti too, he's just so adorable and full of positive energy, a pleasure to write for

But of course now I have to write some domestic sick stuff, so enjoy~

Warnings: sickness, mild codependency, vague references to death, fluff, so much fluff

-

• You really hated getting sick, probably not significantly more than the average person, but it was, nonetheless, a major pain

• Getting sick meant lack of energy, inability to do important things, the need to seclude yourself away from all living things

• Well, that last one wasn't as bad for you as it was for your attention seeking house guest

• You tried pushing through it at first, denying any claims that you weren't feeling one hundred percent well, brushing off the signs that your body was giving you to take it easier

• Of course that only caused you to get worse

• So when you returned home from a long day out and practically collapsed into bed, feeling almost similar to having been run over by a bus, you finally conceited

• Now to tell Venti...

• You first told him that you were sick, and he thought you meant that you were dying

• Even though it may have felt that way, a simple cold being the cause of your death really would have been quite pathetic

• He started crying right there, begging you not to leave him, distraught over the idea of you being in misery as you succumbed closer and closer to death

• "I don't know how it is in your world with things like this, but I can assure you, this isn't going to kill me, it's just a mild cold."

• Makes you promise that to him over and over again, and when he was absolutely sure that you wouldn't just drop dead right in front of him, he becomes intent on helping

• " Hello again! I know it's only been ten minutes, but would you like something to eat, to drink? I tried to find medical herbs at the store you sent me too, but their herb stock must have been out because all I could find was this weird looking liquid called 'cold medicine', do you want me to go to another store?"

• "Nope, no, that's good, better actually."

• It's very very difficult to get him out of the room, he is constantly insisting that he can't get sick because he's a God and all that

• You're eventually just forced to let him stay, not having the energy to even try arguing

• Group nap time, loves sleeping up against your chest so he can hear your heart, it helps him remind himself that you're not actually dying

• Plus the warmth he provides is nice when you feel as if you're completely freezing

• Is very adamant that you shouldn't leave the bed, and straight up won't let you leave the house unless it's a complete emergency, insists he can get whatever you want himself

• Cooks you way too much food, like it would still be too much even if your appetite wasn't completely nonexistent

• Wants to feed you himself, whether you let him or not is on you

• You can try telling him that you feel gross and he already really shouldn't be around you since you're sick

• The only thing that's going to result in is him giving you a ton of kisses and telling you how much he loves you over and over

• He loves loves loves taking care of you, makes him feel slightly less guilty for how much you've been taking care of him

• That being said, he hates seeing you miserable and is completely ecstatic whenever you show even small signs of feeling better

• Is more likely to be less stressed out when you do leave the bed, but is still going to grab everything that you need for you

• Now, remember that thing he said about God's not being able to get sick?

• Yeah, that was a total lie, the body he has is very much susceptible to sickness and injury

• So he gives you a sheepish look as you check his temperature when he seemed way less energetic than usual, and it turned out to be at fever level

• Looks like the roles have reversed themselves, now you get to confine him to a bed for a week as he whines and complaints about how bored he is

• Is way more vocal than you, making sure to make his displeasure known

• You would probably feel more guilty for him if this wasn't wholly his fault by being so adamant about being near you

• You fall into your role seamlessly though, taking all of it in stride

• Making sure he has enough water, cooking him things you know he likes, even if they are a bit of a pain

• You do try to keep your distance a bit, but he is just so adamant on receiving affection because of how it makes him feel better

• "Please, pleeease. It's so cold and you're so warm and you feel so nice, just five minutes?"

• You did hear that you couldn't get sick from the same sickness twice, sooo

• You're now staying in the same room again as he is insistent on being practically on top of you

• Loves it when you play with his hair as he falls asleep, nothing in the world is more comforting

• And it's hard to deny how cute he looks, his faced flushed as he gives you a drowsy look, almost unable to vocally express how much he wants you to just hold him

• Medicine is a bit of a struggle though

• Hates the taste of it so heavily, refuses to put it anywhere near his mouth

• It doesn't matter what you say, that it'll make him feel better, you'll give him a kiss if he does it

• He practically can't help himself from gagging at even the thought of the taste

• Eventually you might just have to hold his head back and pour it in his mouth yourself

• Much to his whining and protests

• Pouts after that for a bit, unhappy with how easy you can make him do things in this weakened state

• As soon as you tell him that you're proud of him and he's handling this well, how you are glad to take care of him, he softens up again

• In a surprising twist, even the thought of alcohol makes him feel nauseous, which is something entirely new and it slightly scares him

• One of the biggest things that gets him is how sore his voice is, because then he can't sing for you

• He'll make sure to make it up after he gets better

• This is the best state to tease him in because his mind is too foggy to come up with any clever retorts

• He just has to lay there and take it while getting increasingly red

• He's way more likely out of the two of you to hit a sickness relapse, because he thought he was better, and then pushed himself way farther then he needed to, and boom, feels horrible again

• You hope that it will teach him next time not to over exert himself (it won't)

• After the event is completely over, he claims that he absolutely hated being sick and never wants it to happen again

• And then just happens to forget that claim next time you're sick, because he just can't force himself to be more than a foot away from you at all times

#genshin impact #genshin venti #genshin x reader #headcannons #venti x reader #sickness #domestic headcanons #i have like three other requests for domestic type stuff rn #so you'll be seeing a bit more of that

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #67

A dear friend of mine stayed the night last night, partially in an effort to find reprieve from the stressors in their life. They came and existed in our space in the way that felt most natural to them, without feeling pressured to be a particular way or do any particular thing, and it was beautiful.

The next morning, which was today, we played a little DDR (I didn't think to take a video for you; I'm sorry) and generally just… existed in a very chill sort of way. It's as though they are less a "guest" and more as though my house is also their house. I couldn't be more grateful for the fact that this is the dynamic that we have with this friend.

Later in the day, another friend and her son came over to visit. This is the same friend to whom I gave the bowl I repaired. She brought lots of tasty snacks for us to enjoy, and we had a lot of very lively conversation.

You know, admittedly, it's hard for me when people bring food to my space to share; I'm used to being the one who provides, not being the one that others provide for, haha. But that's all right; it is good to sit with this kind of discomfort until I become accustomed to the notion that I'm allowed to receive the same kind of care that I try to give to others. This time, I tried not to apologize and I tried to accept the gesture without trying to "make it even" somehow. And this time, I was successful. Though I must admit, I did have to stifle a small, guilt-induced panic when she began doing the dishes in my sink!!! Hahahaha!

But you know? I sat with it and I dealt with it. Because all of the old conditioning that tells me that "I am a bad person for accepting this kind of care and help" is false. I am not supposed to give and give and give until I am empty. I am supposed to receive, too. I think on all of the people who taught me that receiving love and kindness from others without feeling guilty is selfish of me.

When I think about it, I'm vaguely aware that they resented their responsibility to give to me (in the case of parents, things like time, attention, and basic needs) not because there was anything inherently wrong or bad about me or my wishes and needs, but because they themselves were running on empty all the time, thanks to their life circumstances, the choices that led them to those circumstances, all the generational trauma that they were carrying around and all the unreasonable expectations of themselves that they were trying to fulfill from the conditioning that was ground into them as children, which is the cause of it all.

…I wish I knew then all the things that I know now. So many things were put on my shoulders that weren't mine to carry, and I simply bore it without a second thought, because I had no other basis of comparison to tell me that none of it was normal. And so when they told me that I am bad and that carrying it all is my responsibility (presumably in order to make up for the notion that I am bad), I believed them. I know now that this sort of thing isn't true, but even still, it's sometimes hard for me to disbelieve it.

…But that's what practice is for, right? We can challenge the beliefs that tell us we're no good, and we can put better ones in their place! Here's how I've been taught to do it:

First, you have to identify the emotion that is troubling you. You can use an emotion wheel if you struggle with alexithymia; they're super duper handy like that.

Next, you have to examine the beliefs you carry that are driving the emotions. That's because our emotions don't come from nowhere; often, they show up as a result of our beliefs backing us up into a scary corner. So stop, take a moment, and try to figure out what they are. Often, such beliefs are unreasonable. Things that begin with "something must", "something should", "something never", or "something always" is a good place to look for unreasonable beliefs. In my case today, the guilt I felt was driven by a belief that goes, "I shouldn't be accepting all this effort from my friend; I don't deserve it."

Next, you have to stop and ask yourself how the unreasonable belief kept you safe in the past. And this can be anything. In my case, often in the past, if I accepted effort or kindness from my caregivers, often enough they'd lord it over me later, using it as a tool to guilt me into doing something I don't wanna do, or use the fact that I accepted their favor as proof that I'm selfish if they get angry at me about something later. Otherwise, they'd give something to me only begrudgingly, only to resent me for it later, and resentment led to a lot of verbal punishments in those days. So the best way to keep myself safe at the time was to refuse most anything that was done on my behalf on the basis that "I didn't deserve it." Agreeing with my caregivers that I did not deserve their time or care was important in those days, because to disagree with them about anything was to invite verbal, relational, or physical violence upon myself. As you can see, this part that examines how the belief used to serve you can get complicated and messy pretty quickly, so it might be a good idea to do it with a friend in order to keep yourself stable.

The next thing to do is to examine whether or not the belief is still keeping you safe. If it is, then by all means do continue to run with it, but try to see if you can modify it just a little in order to make it a bit more merciful towards yourself. But if not, you can then decide to change the belief to something that is better reflective of your current circumstances. I am no longer around people who are going to weaponize the kindness that they give to me at a later point (and even if I was around such people, I have boundary skills now, so their efforts would be moot in any case), and so all this belief does is stand between me and allowing myself to receive care from others. It also, very inconveniently, denies the people who care about me an opportunity to feel good about doing something kind for a person who is good to them. And that's no good.

The final step is to change the belief. But you can't go crazy with this; a brain won't be able to accept something that is wildly different from what it's used to. So I can't shift the new belief to something crazy and extravagant like, "I deserve all the kindness all the time from all the people." Instead, you have to try something more moderate, like, "I am just as deserving of kindness as any other human being, and I can accept the effort made by others if it's made in good intentions." And sometimes it can take a long time to fully shift to the new belief; that's okay. It just takes practice, and it just takes choosing it even when it feels scary to do. So, from shifting to the new belief, instead of feeling guilt, instead I felt a little nervousness. But a little nervousness is manageable! Easy peasy! Barely even an inconvenience! 😜

This process is called REBT, and it has helped me to break down a lot of my conditioning so that I can choose better patterns of beliefs and behavior. It's amazing stuff.

So, having done this, I was able to make myself a plate or two out of all the wholesome foods my friend brought. And it looked like this:

I also made us some tea. I loved the way the cream looked in the mason jar this time as I poured it into the tea! Check it out:

You know what, Sephiroth? You can do any of this, too. You can accept kindness from others. You can work on changing your beliefs, even if you were violently conditioned into believing some really awful stuff. You can have good tea and good snacks and lively conversation with other people. Because you can believe that you're good enough as you are. You can believe that you belong. And given that you're way smarter and way more mentally flexible than I could ever hope to be (unless, of course, the developers are lying about you being the strongest ever?), you have the capacity to do this even better than I can.

If a silly derpasaurus like me can recover, then anyone can. And that includes you. So please try. Please. You'd have so many people willing to hold your hand and walk you through the process, no matter how difficult it gets. I'm one of them.

You are loved because I love you in the same way that anyone loves their friends. Please be aware that lots of other people love you, too. So make good choices. Don't disappear. Don't put yourself in a position where there's no choice but to stop you from hurting others. Because make no mistake, if you continue to make bad choices that hurt others, you WILL be stopped. So please… choose healing and recovery instead. Because otherwise…

This is who they are. This is who they'll be. And if you think you can stop them, then you need to think again. Because they are amazing. If they fall, they'll get back up again. And they won't let you hurt your planet, and they won't let you hurt your friends.

…And, as much as I love you, if I was capable of standing at their side to stop you from doing stupid things just because you'd rather break everything than be brave enough sit down with your pain, I would. I'd do everything in my power to find some way to restrain you instead of destroy you, but still, I would be trying to stop you. Because breaking everything isn't going to give you the peace and safety you think it will. Believe me, I've tried, albeit in much smaller ways; it only makes things worse.

Nothing is ever broken beyond repair, and that includes you. There are people in this world who love you enough to call you out on your nonsense, come what may. I'm one of them. You're not alone. So come on; it's time for you to do something else, because this destructive path ain't gonna do it for ya.

I'll write again soon. Please stay safe.

Your friend, Lumine

#sephiroth #ThankYouFFVIIDevs #ThankYouFF7Devs #ThankYouSephiroth #final fantasy vii #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy vii crisis core #final fantasy 7 crisis core #final fantasy crisis core #ffvii crisis core #ff7 crisis core #crisis core #ff7r #final fantasy vii remake #final fantasy 7 remake #ffvii remake #ff7 remake #final fantasy vii rebirth #final fantasy 7 rebirth #ffvii rebirth #ff7 rebirth #final fantasy 7 ever crisis #ffvii ever crisis #ff7 ever crisis #ffvii first soldier #changing beliefs #REBT #wholesome

[autisticempathydaemon]

If you're still doing the matchups, I'd love to get one, thanks. This is such a cute and fun idea, and I've loved reading them. Thanks for doing this!

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why? Queencard by (G)I-dle. It's mostly in Korean, so I can't understand most of the lyrics, but it just makes me feel so happy.

What is your Enneagram type?

5

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Depends if it's something I'm vaguely interested in or not.

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

I don't remember, and I asked my mum and she can't remember any details either

What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Get waaaay too tired because I've stayed up too late 😭

Aside from that, my fave Redacted sleep aid

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

Daisy maybe, I like the sound of it.

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

Anything Adam. Something about him just scratches that weird little itch in my brain just right.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

Sam maybe. I haven't listened to most of his audios, so haven't got really invested. Also the overhype for him in the fandom has kinda made me sick of him.

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

None really, I don't rewatch stuff a lot, and my memory isn't great, so that doesn't help lmao.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

Guy, maybe. He's so fun and I love him so much, but I don't think I'd want to date him.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

Nope, I just get really quiet when I'm sleepy.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

A slurpee and a sweet pastry of some kind, probably.

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. 

I've made one that I add all my musical hyperfixations to as they occur. It's sooo good (imo anyways).

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

I try not to feel guilty about anything that I really enjoy. I guess boyfriend asmr could count, since it's not something I'd discuss with anyone unless I knew they were also a fan.

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

Idk, I'm just a person at war with their brain (ADHD) and their body (gender dysphoria)

Thanks again! ❤❤❤

Type Fives seem to be characterized as independent, thoughtful people in their own heads and thoughts. That tracks with what I know of ADHD and your quiet temperament when you become tired, and because of this, I like Huxley with you.

I feel like people can take Fives, like Honey, and mistake their stoic or introverted nature for misanthropy or arrogance; Huxley would know better. He strikes me as a very chill, flexible ambivert, nature thriving in clamor or silence, you know? He’d be a supportive, steady presence by your side- your rock, if you will, which all neurodivergent people could use (I say from experience).

Being with Huxley would be just so perfect, as perfect as a relationship could realistically be. He’s so thoughtful, considerate, and empathetic; he’d be a great person to have around when suffering from dysphoria, always willing to listen and knowing what he can do to help. Since he’s also so chill and so nice and so genuinely interested, he’d love to hear you talk about boyfriend asmr or whatever you might be hyperfixated on. He’d be one of those people who sincerely listens to infodump and becomes an expert on those subjects just to engage with you and what you love.

Song:

Ooh, who said it's true/ That the growing only happens on your own?/ They don't know me and you/ I don't think you have to leave/ If to change is what you need/ You can change right next to me

I’m a sucker for Huxley and songs with growing/nature-centric word choices; what can I say? Huxley strikes me as a chill, acoustic, indie kind of guy who loves some solid, stellar vocals, so this Ben Platt song works well with that. I also love that this is a really realistically romantic song that has a sentiment I could see Huxley expressing, you know? It has this imagery of two people like vines or trees in a relationship, growing together, becoming intertwined, supporting each other over them.

Runner-ups:

Lasko is a runner-up because I’m a Lasko kinnie, I’m autistic so Lasko is autistic, and there’s no cuter ship than the ADHD/Autistic ship, you know? They work! Ollie is a runner up for more legitimate reasons in that he has a lot of the same supportive, sweet traits as Huxley- just not as much.

note: thank you so much for waiting and playing~!

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 6/20/2023

Once again it is Tuesday, so I have to make my report.

So, the first thing to report is that I actually did get my new computer (they emailed and told me it was delayed and then it showed up right when they initially said it would anyway??) Anyway, it is here, and migrating was quite easy. The one "wrinkle" was that we thought it would be fairly easy to put Office on it, and the details are very boring and stupid, but it wasn't, but the fact was, I was not enjoying my experimental migration to Word, so I am back in Google Docs. I briefly considered trying to write in TextPad and just html as I go, and then I felt like a 70-year-old FORTRAN programmer (bad) or possibly a Neal Stephenson side character (worse) and decided I would suck it up with GDocs probably scraping my work and selling it directly to Elon Musk. Whatever.

Enough curmudgeoning. No one wants this, least of all me. I am on my new compy. I got the big fanfic put back in GDocs, but I did not do any further work on it this week. I did start my Bleach Returns week fanfic, which is currently, uhhhhh, 667 words. It's better than nothing!!

I officially gave up on the art I was working on last week, I just wasn't into it. I started something else instead. It's a series of sketches, and I have done one and a half of them. "Done" is sort of vague, because I may go back at the end and either do more clean-up, or ink them. I just want to see how it goes overall. I hope to do at least five, spending about a day on each on. (This is also for Bleach Returns week).

My kids both finished school last week, so it's been a little chaotic overall, and I suppose I should be grateful to have gotten anything done. I'd say we're settling in, but there's not much for settling, because every day is different, and every week has different things. We've been to the pool, we've been to the ice rink, we have been to the library. My daughter has swim lessons this week. My son starts camp next week.

I started the week feeling very behind and guilty, but somewhere part way through the week, I got a big wave of "lol no one cares what you do" and I've been cruising on that big wave of apathy for a bit. Now that I think about it, I think my anxiety has been winning the war for too long now, and it's good to see that my depression rallying on my behalf. All of this sounds terrible 😂but it's good for me, actually, or at least, it's as good as it ever gets around here. Will I accomplish anything this summer? That's none of my business! Whatever the answer is, it'll be as much a surprise to me as it is to you.

PS: I put in the depression stuff and didn't delete it b/c I like to use these to track my own moods over time, but don't worry about, it's very normal for me and also no one needs to comment on it.

#writing update #art update

[ac-liveblogs]

Misc. 4.2 Archon Quest Predictions

I'm vaguely aware of how Furina and Neuvillette's little... power struggle? Is going to be resolved thanks to leaks, but until then -

I think the Gnosis is in the Oratrice. It's the reason why Fontaine's Justice system functions Like That, as well as why they can convert Belief into Power. After Sumeru's Akasha system, that makes the most sense to me.

That doesn't account for why Furina doesn't seem like an Archon, since not having her Gnosis didn't really bother Ei, so I assume she also put part of herself (?) or her authority as Archon (?) in the Oratrice as well. I don't know what exactly she did to herself, but it should be related to the Oratrice. Or depending on when the Oratrice was made, the previous Hydro Archon Did Something and Furina is saddled with it.

The Oratrice being wrapped up with the Gnosis and the Hydro Archon this way is why Neuvillette honours its judgments - even when Childe has been found guilty.

I don't expect Navia, Clorinde, Wriothesely, Lyney/Lynette or Freminet to do much more than help the people of Fontaine evacuate when the waters rise. Navia has her weird boat-shaped base, Wrio is building his own Ark, the twins+Freminet have the Magic Pockets. I'd be shocked if we got anything else from them.

I'd be shocked if Charlotte even shows up in 4.2 outside of maybe writing a news article on what happened at the end.

I really have no idea what Childe will do. Leaks from ages ago said he had no speaking lines in 4.1 and 4.2, and while he definitely didn't in 4.1 he was still present and... said things, I guess. He's definitely present in the 4.3 trailer, so maybe he'll just appear in cutscenes to fight whatever the new boss is, help hold it off for a little while or whatever, get knocked out, and then we have to step in to finish the job.

No idea what will happen with the Vision. Maybe he'll fuck off into the Abyss with Skirk and we'll keep holding onto it (lmao). It's such a weird point that we got it. I wonder if it's just to justify the Childe dream-sharing. That feels like a plot element they might want to keep around?

Who knows about Skirk. She might just be a cameo or she might dump some lore and bounce. I don't think she'll stick around after this.

We won't fight Arlecchino. I assume we would have heard something about her boss battle by now if we did. We might just end up teaming up with her entirely in this patch to fight the Abyss.

Despite the hype for the trial in the trailer, I don't think they're going to make us do another one. I hope they don't. I seriously really fucking hope they do not. Please.

So far, I've been really unimpressed with Fontaine. Unlike Sumeru, there are a lot of plot elements present in this region that could have really worked for me but so far they've flubbed every single one.

Ch1 was tedious right up until the trial, and the trial was terribly written; ch2 and ch3 were extremely poorly thought out filler that failed to use the playable cast members in meaningful ways; ch4 was... passable, if an extremely boring way to make use of all the players in Meropide. Though at that point I also just wanted to be out of Meropide.

Fuck Meropide.

I don't really expect ch5 to be a meaningful improvement, but if they can do some fun stuff with Childe I'll at least enjoy that much.

#replies #ac plays genshin impact

[csaventing]

i hope this vent doesn’t hurt anyone and that I’m doing this correctly. I’m just feeling very lost and frustrated rn.

I was scrolling through this blog to stop myself from feeling alone in my experience (CSA/COCSA). Really, I’ve been looking a lot for art that expresses how I feel about what happened. this isn’t possible without getting into the debate about what is and is not CEM.

I’m an artist and it’s a huge part of processing for me. always has been. Even before I knew what or why I was drawing what I was. Sharing my art and hearing from people who could see the pain and the struggle made me feel understood and not alone.

But I’m really struggling right now with no outlet. With the way people act around trauma art (especially child abuse stuff), I find it really hard to feel safe posting things anymore. I feel like a monster sometimes for wanting to draw such terrible things happening. drawing stuff that expresses how confusing and awful it feels to go through that stuff. It feels really fake and sanitized to just talk about what happened in “safe” therapy words. I wish I could express myself or find ppl who have been hurt like me and see myself reflected in something.

Right now it just feels like the only thing I’m allowed to talk about is pain and it has to be faceless and vague. I’m not allowed to express the confusion of being too young to understand. twisting things up in your head and repeating what happened onto yourself. I can’t express my raw emotions or thoughts unless they’ve been filtered for people who think that art about CSA is as bad as CP.

it really makes me feel like im not allowed to be messed up inside. That even tho my therapist tells me it’s normal for victims to feel guilty for not saying no or even enjoying parts of what happened, it doesn’t matter cuz I can’t talk to anyone about it. I can’t explain what it felt like without getting death threats for not making myself say No in my own account of what happened.

I feel more alone now than I did before I knew what was wrong with me. Because at least back then, I could show someone and hear back “me too” instead of being told to die.

Personally, we have made some art about CSA that we both have shared and both that we haven’t shared. I wouldn’t say that it is like CEM (child explotation material) at all.

We are very sorry for how you have been treated when posting this stuff.

#survivor #tw csa implied #tw csa #csa vent #trauma vent #actually traumatized #trauma #tw csa mention #tw csa vent #tw csem mention

[dragoongang]

Inner Thoughts of a Faceless Healer

 I look around, everyone is there, no one is there. I am almost faceless, few look at me though I would not lie and sometimes I get looks I would rather not; Looks of lust, of concern, of curiousity. The crowd fills in around me and few watch me which is fine, it is for the best that I am unnoticed by most it makes it easier to listen in and watch. Every now and then though I see a familiar face, sometimes it is not truly there, only a simple passing resemblance for someone I once knew and other times it is my newest acquaintances. I call them my acquaintances and I do not know why, or at least that is what I tell myself. I am self-aware, I know that I do not want to call them friends because I know that I don’t deserve it. Being self-aware is a terrible thing though, I know what I do is wrong and yet I do it anyways. 

Too many incessantly wish to be involved in the lives of those they just met. They do not respect my desires to be left alone, to work on my own. To suffer. Alone. In spite of all this I enjoy myself when I am with my acquaintances, their presence comforting and reminiscent of my old life and friends. I feel guilty every time I spend time with them, enjoying their company, their laughs and their concern because I do not deserve it. Those select few who I have confided in on my goals show their concern and tell me that I deserve happiness after all. They were not there when I participated in and watched the slaughter of innocents; I do not think they would advocate for such if they had seen it then, only imagining a vague notion of me being there. They would believe I was an unwilling participant, which is not completely wrong. I was only a child when they found me but still, there was a time I believed in that cause. That we were doing the right thing. 

I should not be alive. I do not know why it is that I am still here, why I alone survived against the odds; I relive it in my head every night. I lagged behind, my body tired from all the aether I expended to keep them alive. The sounds of battle raging around me from the roaring inferno of the crashed warships to the guns echoing in the distance; the ever-present clashes of steel and low cacophony of screams of terror, of despair, of rage. A warship came in low behind us, and suddenly a blinding flash of light shot through it. Of course we panicked; we ran as fast as our feet would carry us and yet it was not enough. It is the fact that I lagged behind that I was saved from the explosion as it crashed, the heat searing my face, my lungs and my eyes as I was thrown back into a trench. I do not know how long I had been blacked out for but it could not have been long for I saw him still suffering, trying to survive. I crawled to him, every muscle in my body screaming at me to stop and rest but I pushed through to him with my everything. He was dead of course; not quite yet but I knew once I saw him, he was dead. I did not want to believe it though; I gave everything I had left to bring him back and it was not enough. I am not enough. It doesn’t matter anymore. But I am still here, aren’t I?

#ffxiv gpose #ffxiv screenshots #ffxiv oc #ffxiv #hyur #ff14 #hyur midlander #ffxiv writers #ffxiv rp #ffxiv roleplay

[ievaxol]

MUNK'S (simple) CRASH COURSE TO BOOKMARKS ON AO3

So, a recent discussion alerted me to the fact that not everyone knows that you can bookmark on ao3 or how, so here’s another ao3 crash course for this useful function!

Picture this; you’ve read a fantastic story and you want to save it somehow so you can revisit it over and over. Alternately, you are reading an unfinished fic and (like me) despise emails and would like a way other than subscribing to check on those sweet WIPs. That’s where bookmarks come in!

(i browsed ao3 in light mode for this. appreciate this sacrifice)

Self-explanatory perhaps, but clicking the bookmarks button at the bottom of a fic brings up this menu:

This is where the fun begins (now this is bookmarking!)

The notes section is where you can write a little blurb to yourself about the fic. Want to jot down your thoughts? Want to make a note of it being unfinished so you remember to revisit? This is where that can be done.

Underneath that comes your tags — extremely useful once your bookmarks hit the 100+ amount! You can tag it with fandoms, tropes, anything that’ll help you sort those bookmarks out. Simply type up a tag and either press enter or comma once you're done and watch that beautiful sorting system take shape.

Unfinished, hurt/comfort, oneshot,fandom Y — for example.

For the sake of simplicity I’ll be skipping the add to collections, since that’s not often done and most authors have toggled so that they have to give permission for the work to be collected, whereas bookmarks can be done on all fics.

The last toggle is one of the most important features of bookmarks! If you click Private Bookmark, it’ll be hidden on your profile and while the author can see the number of bookmarks in their stats, they won’t actually be able to see who has bookmarked if it's marked private. This also hides your commentary in the notes as well as your tags.

If you instead toggle Rec or simply none of those boxes at all, then the author as well as anyone visiting your profile will see it listed among your bookmarks. While I’m not here to decide for you what the right etiquette is when it comes to criticism in bookmarks, adding ratings for yourself or such things — keep that in mind. Be kind and remember, authors are people who do this for the love the given fandom.

Rec marks the bookmark with a heart in your profile and shows it off as a work you recommend to everyone.

Once you’re done with as much or little customization as you like, we hit create!

yippeeeee

Within a few minutes it’ll appear on your profile.

(nice)

Here you’ll find a full list of all your bookmarks, both private and public and recommended. 

Screenshotted from ao3’s own symbols key, this is an easy way to determine if your bookmark is public or not.

Once in your bookmark list you can use the search as you would when looking for other ao3 fics (i’ve made a crash course to searching here) and you can even include or exclude your own tags, making it easy to find and check on those unfinished fics, or perhaps locate that hurt/comfort you read ages back and vaguely remember bookmarking… It’s a brilliant way to sort fics you’ve read and enjoyed, as well as keep little notes about how the fic made you feel, the thoughts on the new chapters — the sky’s your limit!

If you discover that guilty pleasure fic you don’t want everyone else to know you read and enjoyed is public on your profile, then simply hit the edit and mark the bookmark as private. You can also add/delete tags, update your notes and so on.

Hopefully this enlightened you somewhat on the bookmarks function, happy reading!

#ao3 #archive of our own #i see a lot of people unaware of the fact that their bookmarks (and comments both kind and unkind) are visible by default #if you dont toggle private #on one hand i love reading bookmark musings on the other i've had some rude comments there too #hopefully this helps at least one person confused about the bookmark system!

[cagesings]

 @honorhearted​​​  sent:🔥  about  johanna,  ofc!  or  turpin.  whichever  you're  in  the  mood  for.

 johanna:  

 i  don’t  like  it  when  actresses  portray  johanna  as  mad  and  insane  from  the  beginning  of  the  musical.  it’s  just  not  interesting  to  me.  where  is  her  arc  supposed  to  go  if  she’s  already  that  beaten  down  from  the  beginning?  johanna  is  not  a  happy  character  and  does  not  start  out  as  happy  or  even  very  hopeful  at  the  start.  how  could  she  be?  she’s  been  abused  by  a  pedophile  for  almost  her  entire  life.  but  she  isn’t  mad  at  the  beginning.  yes,  she’s  not  doing  well  and  being  raised  by  a  man  like  turpin  isn’t  good  for  anyone,  but  starting  her  out  like  that?  where  is  she  supposed  to  go  from  there?  the  events  of  the  musical  obviously  wear  her  down  more  and  i  want  to  see  that.  not  start  her  out  with  not  really  a  strong  arc.  her  arc  is  depression,  show  that.  

 kiss  me  is  near  the  beginning,  a  song  about  a  girl  experiencing  love  for  the  first  time  while  also  dealing  with  a  lot  of  emotions.  she’s  not  insane.  she’s  a  little  silly.  of  course  she  is.  this  is  why  i  don’t  like  s.arah  r.ice’s  johanna  or  b.etsy  j.oslyn’s  portrayals  very  much.  they  do  a  good  job,  it’s  just  not  what  i  like.  

 also  portraying  as  all  of  the  female  characters  as  just  insane?  lovett,  is  unhinged  because  she  kind  of  has  to  be.  lucy  is  diagnosed  with  vague  victorian  madness.  there’s  only  three  female  characters  (  that  aren’t  ensemble  )  in  this  show.  portraying  all  of  them  as  mad  doesn’t  really  sit  right  with  me.  

 the  “mad”  johanna  that  a  lot  of  actresses  go  with  isn’t  “sondheim’s  johanna”  as  she’s  been  called.  this  girl  is  more  than  who  her  parents  are.  let  her  be  that!  she  is  so  much  more  than  a  girl  who  was  raised  by  the  villain  and  the  daughter  of  the  main  character.  she’s  traumatized  and  experiencing  love  for  the  first  time  and  anxious  and  she  survived  a  serial  killer.  she’s  a  final  girl.  i  want  to  see  that!  let’s  not  forget  about  the  character  she  was  based  on.  johanna  oakley  from  a  s.tring  of  p.earls.  her  boyfriend  goes  missing  and  she  investigates  and  gets  close  to  a  serial  killer  and  takes  him  down.  i  want  more  of  that  in  a  johanna.  less  of  diminishing  her  to  just  a  mad  girl.  

 turpin:  

 the  turpin  fanbase  is,  um,  interesting.  because  bond,  wheeler,  and  sondheim  made  a  villain  who  you  hate.  he’s  everything  people  should  hate:  a  rapist,  a  stalker,  classist,  abuses  his  power,  a  pedophile,  etc.  yet  there  is  a  group  of  people  who  do  like  him?  most  of  it  comes  from  the  a.lan  r.ickman  fanbase  seeing  him  in  period  clothing  and  wanting  to  write  self-insert  fanfiction.  which  is  fine.  they’re  not  hurting  anyone.  let  people  enjoy  what  the  want  to.  though,  on  both  sides  of  this  spectrum,  i  don’t  think  people  try  to  dive  into  his  background  enough?  

 turpin  seems  like  a  pretty  flat  character.  he’s  the  evil  guy  that  we  hate  and  love  to  hate  (  or  if  you’re  into  a.lan  r.ickman  you’re  writing  those  fics  you  do  you  i  don’t  care  ).  but  there  are  a  few  lines  that  stick  out  to  me  saying  that  he’s  not  as  flat  as  he  seems  to  be.  mea  cupla  tends  to  be  cut  from  productions,  which  i  support  because  it’s  absolutely  sickening  and  it  makes  you  feel  like  you  need  seven  cold  showers  and  not  in  a  good  way.  do  not  look  it  up  if  you  do  not  know  what  i’m  talking  about.  i  promise  ignorance  is  bliss.  it  was  cut  from  the  original  broadway  production  for  timing  reasons.  but  it  gives  a  very  interesting  insight  into  turpin  as  a  character.  he  does  feel  guilty  for  pining  after  johanna  and  possibly  for  what  he  did  to  lucy.  the  2007  movie  gives  us  the  line  (  talking  to  johanna  after  discovering  she’s  running  away  ):  “i  have  spared  you  the  rod.”  which  is  interesting  to  me  because  it  kind  of  reads  as  he  was  physically  abused  as  a  child  and  he  believes  he’s  a  good  parent  for  not  physically  abusing  johanna.  

 i  just  wish  people  looked  a  little  deeper  into  turpin  because  he  is  absolutely  awful  and  nothing  dismisses  how  sickening  he  is,  but  he’s  more  interesting  than  he  seems.  

#congratulations you get both because this musical has ruined my life #i could say so much more but i need to leave it here #words are not working for me today as i'm sure you can tell #*❈ ‣ i’m a silly little ninnynoodle — ( ooc. )

[captains-simp]

heksbdkshs you’re jock!carol fics give me life, could you do one where jock!carol and the reader have been keeping their relationship a secret and one of those girls that love gossip finds out and like the next day everyone knows ??

You've met soft!jock!Carol. Now it's time for angsty!jock!Carol

4.6k words

Warning: homophobia (plus slurs), bullying, mentions of declining mental health mild violence and some clique high school douchebags (yes that gets a warning)

[ masterlist ]

Buy me a coffee ☕

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You barely looked up when the paper airplane landed swiftly on your desk in front of you. It was only when you caught a glimpse of the red and blue stripe along the side that you spared it a glance. You prodded it with your pen and dragged it across the desk towards you, feeling a pair of eyes watching you eagerly from the back of the class. You unfolded the note carefully until a small sprawl of letters became visible, barely spelling out the word 'purple'.

You bit back a smile at the message and scrunched it up into a tight ball, throwing it in the bin near your desk before going back to writing your notes. You wanted to turn around and meet the eyes you were certain were staring at the back of your head but you knew you couldn't. It had become routine and you swore it was still the hardest part of your day - pretending you didn't notice her.

The bell in the corridor rung loudly and the second it did everyone in the class got up from their seats, ignoring the final reminders from the teacher at the front. Students swarmed into the corridor and amongst the crowd you lost sight of her for a few short moments until the wave of blonde hair appeared ahead of you where she maneuver to the side to be greeted by others in the same blue jacket. You caught her eye for a split second as you went by but it was no more than that. You wished so much that it could have been longer, that you could confidently stroll down those corridors hand in hand with her. A short hug. A brief kiss. A small smile. Anything. You just wished you could have more than fleeting moments with the blonde.

It felt like you could finally breathe properly when you left the suffocating building. The crowd dispersed into smaller groups while you walked out of the school grounds with a slight trot in your step. The further you went the less people you saw until the streets you walked down were near empty. The small corner shop eventually came into sight and you sped up slightly at the sight of your destination, not spying the red car you were always looking out for but knowing she was somewhere close by, she always got there first.

Instead of going into the corner store, you went through the narrow alleyway besides it and around the back of the store. You weren't in a sketchy part of town and even if you were you wouldn't have been afraid of going down the alley, not when you knew who was around the corner waiting for you. You had told her that last time you were there when she had asked you out of sheer curiosity. Apparently she wanted to challenge that truth.

A pair of hands shot out besides your and covered your eyes in an instant, not giving you any chance to stop it. Before you could even give a startled cry, her body pressed firmly against your back and the familiar smell of vanilla surrounded you. Relaxing in her grip, you felt her sway playfully as she leaned forwards to plant soft kisses along your neck. "Guess who?" She mused and you smiled as you tilted your head back for her.

"Hey, Care Bear." Carol groaned against your neck as she pulled her hands away. "I told you not to call me that." She complained, though her smile betrayed her when she spun you around to face her. You instinctively wrapped your arms around her neck as she held your waist softly, kissing you with enough passion to tell you she had been missing you too.

"How'd your test go?" Carol asked between kisses as she guided you backwards to lean against the nearest wall.

"Okay, I passed." You said absentmindedly. "How'd your game go?"

"Okay, I won." She copied and you couldn't help but smile faintly.

"That film you wanted to watch is on tonight, at 11. Wanna go?" The Captain asked as she stopped kissing you to talk properly and kept her hold on you so you stayed close.

"There's show times a lot earlier than 11." You laughed but stilled when Carol scrunched up her nose. "What? You don't want to be seen in public with me?" You teased but there was something very genuine to your question. You felt a familiar pang in your chest when Carol's grip loosened and she looked away.

"Y/n, we've talked about this." Your girlfriend sighed.

"I know, I'm sorry." You muttered as you tried to look as unbothered as possible but knew your face gave away the disappointment you felt so intensely. "You know if I could I would go out at all hours with you, where ever you'd want to go. It's just not that simple." It was hard to truly believe those words when your girlfriend sounded so exasperated, like she was having to explain to a child why they couldn't draw on the walls or have candy for breakfast.

"I know." You said because you really did and you felt guilty for bringing it up.

Carol had told you before you had even started dating her that your relationship would have to be secret. You didn't go to the most gay-friendly school for one thing. There were no openly gay couples there and to be honest you didn't have the nerve to be the first. Carol was content on being popular and you were happy staying under the radar with no intentions to change that. Above all Carol believed it would make securing her scholarship a great deal harder. You were never sure if that was just her fears or if it could really affect it but you respected where she was coming from. That didn't stop it hurting. It didn't stop you envying all the couples that got to openly love their partners. You always reminded yourself that keeping your relationship secret took as much of a toll on Carol as it did on you, she was just far better at hiding it. She was good at hiding a lot.

"Is that a no on the movie?" Carol asked with a strong hint of upset in her voice and unintentionally heart wrenching puppy dog eyes.

"11 right? Sounds like we have a lot of time to kill." You smiled wholly as you glanced at the old blanket fort you had built together months ago, right after you had gotten red and blue slushies that you had spilt on one of the blankets inside and stained purple. That wasn't the only thing that was turned purple that day but was the one that seemed to be permanent.

Carol smiled eagerly and wrapped her arms around you tightly again. "I love you, you know that right?" She asked genuinely and you returned her bright smile.

"Always, and I love you too, Care Bear." Carol rolled her eyes but kissed you softly again, treasuring the feeling of your soft lips against hers and the vague taste of the lunch she had discreetly bought you that day.

*

You swung open your locker door and made to shove as many of your school books inside as you could until you halted at the sight of a small, folded up, piece of paper in the base of your locker. You crammed your books into the tight space and stood as close as you could to it as you unfolded the note, knowing it wasn't for the eyes of the rest of the world. 'East feild field supply shed, lunch' was all it read in the familiarly rushed handwriting. You scrunched the note up and put it in your pocket, locked your locker and made your way down the corridor with a sense of uncertainty in your step. Carol never wanted to meet inside school - it was practically a rule. You would text each other as much as you could and even call if you were lucky, but you were never physically together.

You continued on to the field and walked across as nonchalantly as you could. You only vaguely knew where that specific supply shed was because it was rarely ever used and not to mention half submerged in the woodland bordering part of the field. You glanced around as you neared it and when you were sure no one was near by you dipped behind the back to an awaiting Carol, sat cross legged on the floor and trying to balance a spoon on her nose.

"Hey, are you alright?" You asked hastily as you put your bag down on the floor and stared at your girlfriend in concern.

"Of course I am, you're here." She said simply and held both her hands out to you. You took them with a confused smile as Carol guided you to sit on her lap and cupped your cheek with her hand.

"Are you sure? We don't usually- we never-" Carol pecked your lips to successfully silence you.

"I know, but I missed you too much." She said with a contagious smile. "Really. I just wanted to see you." Your smile grew as you nodded and lent forward slightly to kiss the blonde back.

"I missed you too."

You stayed like that for the rest of your lunch break, enjoying each other's company and embrace as you ignored the rest of the world that wasn't shielded by the old wood around you. It was pretty much perfect. You knew it couldn't become habit so you tried your hardest to just focus on the there and then. Carol seemed to be thinking the same thing, letting her guard down more than she ever had when you had to part days.

The Captain chuckled as she kissed you after backing you into the shed door. You pushed her back lightly with a giggle, feeling giddy from everything happening. "We gotta go." You laughed more when Carol trapped you against the shed, clearly not having any desire to attend her next lesson. "Carol." You scorned, making her pull away only to gaze at you adoringly.

"Okay." She huffed and stepped back to give you space to move. The moment you did she laced your fingers together and held up your hand to her lips, giving the back of it a soft kiss before letting you go. You grinned back at her as you started in opposite directions, your hand still tingling from your girlfriend's soft imprint.

You were both so blissfully unaware of your surroundings you forgot to make a quick check of anyone near by. Neither of you were aware of the eager eyes following both your steps, nor the digital lens that followed with them. However that was something that became very much apparent the next day. The eyes that landed on you as you ventured down the school corridors weren't subtle. They weren't kind either.

You felt like there was a spot light on you everywhere you went and it went on for a while. Some people would look away once you glanced anxiously in their direction while others stared back with a distasteful and all together brutal glare. It was clear that everyone knew something you didn't, something that soon brought your mind to Carol. Where was she?

That was a question you had to wait a while to be answered. Your girlfriend wasn't in any of the few classes you had together, something that wasn't completely unheard of for her but was especially anxiety inducing on that day. It was during lunch break that you finally saw her. You were thrilled and filled with relief when you saw the blonde hair and blue jacketed figure making its way towards you where you sat under a tree on the far edge of the field. However as she got closer and you were able to distinguish the infuriated look upon her face, all the relief drained away. You had seen her angry before. She had been known to have a short fuse and with a team that wasn't the brightest and some games not going the way she would have wanted, you knew what angry Carol entailed. But what you saw that day was something new.

"What the fuck?!" She yelled and you stumbled back a couple of steps in shock.

"W-what?" You fumbled when you realized Carol's new found fury was directed at you.

"What did you do?" She demanded as she advanced to being a short step away from you. Suddenly, having Carol so close didn't hold the comfort it usually did.

"I don't know. I don't know what's going on! Everything was fine until..." you trailed off when the Captain turned her attention to her phone. You glanced between her and the screen, not understanding why she suddenly didn't want to pay you any attention. However, when she showed you her screen your heart dropped. Any other couple wouldn't have minded the picture. They may even have loved it. You and Carol couldn't take a moment to admire the moment that was captured, because you both knew what it meant. You were so close together in the photo, arms tightly around each other as you shared a kiss. You were unbreakable. Were...

"Who... how did they..." You barely managed to speak, feeling far too numb.

"You tell me, y/n." Carol crossed her arms defensively and continued to glare right into your eyes. You thought that hurt more than anything else that had happened that day and honestly ever.

"I didn't do this." You whispered, too shocked to fully comprehend what your girlfriend was accusing you of.

"You wanna rethink that answer? Because this secret has always bothered you a lot more than it has for me." What? You felt sick at hearing her words. You had spent the whole relationship thinking, fooling yourself into believing that it was both sided. How much did she care?

"There was a time you wouldn't fucking shut up about it for two seconds and no matter how many times I explained to you why we couldn't go running around holding hands like goddamn kinder-gardeners you still couldn't get it through your skull that is was the smart decision. Do you not like what's happening today, y/n? Does it upset you?" She gritted in a sickeningly mocking tone that you had never heard before. It was just plain cruel. "Well buckle the fuck up because it's going to get a hell of a lot worse, especially for me. You'll be happy though, won't you? This is what you wanted." Carol finished, chest heaving and eyes ablaze. That was all you could really make it through your teary eyes.

"No this isn't what I wanted." You started to sob as you reached out for Carol's hand but she smacked it away hard. You recoiled in alarm and tried again. "Please Carol, I would never do this. I just wanted what you did." Carol scoffed at your pathetic attempt at explaining yourself, far from believing you in your hysteric state.

"Fuck off." She spat as she gave you one final glare and turned sharply on her heels to leave you were stood. Alone.

"Carol, please!" You begged but the blonde had had enough.

"Stay away from me." She shouted back and you stopped in your tracks, only able to watch her leave.

"No." You whimpered in defeat and dropped to your knees, breaking down in tears as you felt like your world was crumbling around you and there was nothing you could do to fix it. There wasn't even anyone who could help you through it anymore.

*

Carol was right. Things did get a lot worse after that, in a lot of different ways. Your heartbreak was the worse thing. You spent every moment you weren't in school curled up in bed, soaking your sheets and pillows with tears, scolding yourself for everything that had gone wrong. You knew, deep down, that it wasn't you fault, that it was Carol who was entirely in the wrong but you found it impossible to hate her. It would have been so much easier if you had been able to. It might have hurt less.

School was a much worse place to be. You saw Carol every day but a word was never passed between you. Anytime you caught her eye she looked away quicker than you could read her so it was hard to tell if she still hated you. All you knew was you weren't her favourite person. That was one thing, but the bullying was something else. It was relentless, ranging from everything between graffitied slurs on your locker to being shoved into them. Your grades dropped and your mental health declined with it.

"Move, fag." You gave a low 'oof' as you were tripped into the railings along the stairs. You held your stomach and winced at the instant throbbing pain there. You avoided the eyes you knew were on you but when you risked a glance up you saw the blonde you weren't sure if you were avoiding or not. You held her gaze longer than you had since she had broken your heart, your breath catching in your throat when you saw the undeniable pity written across her face. In that moment you found yourself wanting to go up to her. What you would do or say you weren't sure of, maybe it would have come to you got there.

You took a bold step forwards until you were cut off by a junior who gave you the first friendly smile you had seen in a while. You didn't trust it at all, like it was a mask worn by the devil himself to trick you. "Hey." He greeted. You opened your mouth to speak but you had no clue of what to say. "I just wanted to say I thinks it's pretty cool what you did." He said simply.

"What I did?" You asked slowly and he nodded back with the same smile.

"The picture." He clarified. You clenched your jaw and peered over at the blonde who was still watching you cautiously. "I know it wasn't you choice to have it taken or anything." He rushed when he noticed your defensive stance. "And I can't imagine what you're going through right now." He added with a sympathetic look. "But seeing you guys together in a town that isn't exactly the best place for it has given a lot of us a some hope. Most of the world is becoming more acceptant, it's only a matter of time before things change here too, even if you're not here when it does." He shrugged before getting distracted by someone in the corridor. "Plus you guys are a cute couple." Ouch. He smiled at you and waved at his friend as he made to leave.

"I gotta go but I hope I see you around." You nodded slightly as you pondered his words. You glanced at Carol and was surprised to still see her standing by her locker, it felt like some strange stand off and you wondered if she had heard what the junior had said to you. She wasn't that far away by the corridor was beginning to get crowded and loud.

You made to walk towards Carol but the second you did she took off like a startled deer. You sighed as you watched her go. Maybe it was for the best that you stay out of each other's way after all. Despite whatever the hell had just happened, the blonde's last words to you played as clear as ever in your head. They still made your heart ache as much as it did the first time around.

Things didn't change between you and Carol after that. It was hard, near impossible on some days, but you started to try and get over her. You didn't want to forget and you certainly didn't want to regret it because until the end, your relationship with Carol was the best thing that ever happened to you. Knowing that made it so much harder to move on. Not to mention a large part of you didn't even want to. You loved Carol. Making yourself fall out of love with her was just as difficult as when you had tried to stop yourself falling in love her nearly a year prior.

Given the absence of progress between you and the Captain, you honestly thought you were hallucinating when she called your name one day after school. You spun around in every direction to find her, something that wasn't that hard when she came jogging towards you. "Can we go somewhere more private?" She asked as she glanced at the onlookers. You nodded quickly, your mouth and throat feeling far too dry for you to even attempt to speak.

You walked in an extremely awkward silence towards the field. You were waiting for Carol to speak first and you were hoping she wasn't thinking that you would do the same thing given she had approached you. Unless she had done it on a whim, you really hoped not. It was only when you were alone that she piped up.

"I'm sorry." She blurted out. You glanced at her in surprise, an apology was the last thing you were expecting. "I'm so so sorry. I was so stupid- beyond stupid. What I did was something I promised I never would and I hate myself every moment for it." You stared at the blonde blankly as she continued to ramble away. You had never seen her so frantic and you were so taken off guard by it you didn't have a chance to notice the irony of what was happening and how drastically the roles had been reversed.

"I was just so scared and that's not an excuse I'm just trying to explain." She paused to peer at you properly, waiting to see if you really understood that. You gave her another weak nod. "I didn't know what to do. It felt like I couldn't trust anyone and I got defensive to try and protect myself. I didn't mean any of it. Anything. Especially about not finding the secret hard." That was something you had been longing to hear but once you did you couldn't bring it in yourself to believe her. "There were days I had to stop myself screaming in the corridors or in the cafeteria that I was in love with you. It was even harder not being able to hug or kiss you whenever I wanted to." You listened on intently.

"I just wanted what was best for you and I didn't know what that was." She admitted. You had the sudden strong urge to reach out and hug Carol, but you also wanted to walk away. You didn't get much chance to consider your options because a group of Carol's old friends came sauntering around the corner, eyes lighting up at the sight of you and the Captain.

"Don't stop on our account." One of them snickered.

"If you're gonna dyke out you might as well make a show out of it." Another added. Your skin crawled in discomfort and Carol noticed instantly.

"Fuck off." She spat but the group ignored her.

"You know you probably just haven't had the right dick." The first one said as he eyed you up and down. You backed up and found yourself moving closer to Carol. "I'm sure I could make you straight again." He mused sickeningly and made to grab your wrist but the blonde stepped in front of you.

"I said fuck off. No one wants your two inches, Walker." She challenged and got an instant reaction. He went to swing at Carol but she swiftly kneed him in the groin before he got the chance, barely able to stop herself smirking when he doubled over with a groan. The blonde turned to you and jumped forwards when she saw one of the other boys go to grab you.

"You get the fuck away from her." Acting on pure instinct and adrenaline, Carol swung her fist forwards and caught the jock in the jaw with a crunch. The other boys looked between the two injured and Carol, quickly making their call in grabbing their friends to leave.

Carol turned to you swiftly with worry and concern on every inch of her face. "Are you alright?" She asked as her eyes scanned you for any signs of injury. You gave a shaky yes, avoiding Carol's gaze. "Fuck, this is the kind of thing I was always afraid of, above everything else." She said as she ran a hand through her hair. You caught sight of her red fist and without any thought, took ahold of her hand gently. You ran your fingers over the redness softly, not realizing you were crying until a tear dropped down onto Carol's hand. At the sight of it you broke down crying more.

"Oh ba- y/n." The blonde sighed, heart breaking in smaller pieces at the sight of you. It hurt even more to see when she wasn't sure if she could hug you or not. Luckily for her she didn't have to feel useless for long because you reached out for her and clung onto her jacket as you buried your face into her chest, crying harder. "I've got you. It's okay, they're gone." She cooed. "I'll never let anyone hurt you again." You knew she was thinking of herself more than the boys when she said that.

You stood like that for a while, crying against Carol as she rubbed your back and continued to whisper reassurances to you. "Promise." You hiccuped between sniffles.

"I promise." She said instantly. You slowly pulled away to read Carol properly, watching closely for any tell of a lie and finding none. "Could you give me another chance?" The blonde asked, barely above a whisper as she feared your response. She would respect it entirely if you said no, but she really hoped you wouldn't. "There won't be anymore secrets and I'll never be a dick to you ever again."

"I'm scared." You admitted and Carol nodded tightly as she fought back tears herself.

"Me too." She admitted. "We don't have to stay here." You lifted your head up to look at Carol clearly and she continued. "We could leave, go where ever we want. There's only a couple months left of this shithole."

"A couple months." You repeated. Carol nodded encouragingly, desperate to find a bright side and winning point.

"Could you do a couple more months here?" She asked carefully and you nodded after a few seconds.

"Lets do it." You said with a sharp intake of breath.

"Fuck, really?" She laughed lightly and you found yourself doing the same.

"Yeah." You smiled. "I can't stop loving you and I don't want to." Tears started to fall down Carol's cheeks. You cupped her face gently and wiped the tears away with your thumbs. The blonde's own hands held yours as she smiled down at you.

"I love you too." With a sudden, unexpected, burst of confidence, you leaned forwards and kissed Carol longingly. She deepened the kiss instantly and wrapped her arms around your waist to keep you as close as possible, like she never wanted to let you go again.

"Everything's gonna work out." She whispered once she pulled away to rest your foreheads together.

"Of course it is." You smiled softly. "You'll be with me."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

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[darling-i-read-it]

Sinner

Father Paul (John Pruitt) x fem!reader

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: heavy insinuations to smut,

Author’s Note: This song >> thank you for showing it to me omg I hope you enjoy this!

Requested: by anon, hello, i apologize if this is a bit vague but can i request something with father paul based on the song “babylon” by sza? (preferably the version without the feature cuz her second verse is really the vibe i’m wanting lol) thanks ☺

Summary: the request

Song: Babylon by SZA

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

The look that Father John Pruitt was giving you could have bore holes through your face. You had been trying so hard this whole morning to ignore him which was slightly hard, considering the fact that he had been preaching. You had been chewed out by Erin before this. Don’t sleep with the new priest.

It had been easy before. He was older, not your age. He had always been your friend, ever since you had moved to this island in your twenties. You had admired his kindness. But now it was like seeing someone completely different with the same attributes you had loved. He had been Father Paul for only a few days but you had been ignoring him the whole time.

The whole time except for last night.

Did he hate you? Did he hate himself? Was it even worth it to him? It had been worth it to you. Would he ever do it again? Ever allow himself another moment of weakness? You doubted it. But his eyes right now were telling another story. It was like he was speaking directly to you in a room full of people. You stared down at your hands, fiddling with them, ignoring the light bruise he had left on your wrist from the night before. He apologized profusely when he realized he had hurt you. He had never meant that, he just didn’t notice his grip was that tight.

“Are you okay?” You turned your head up to Erin who was sitting beside you. You nodded, giving her a thin lipped smile.

“Yeah. Tired,” you whispered to not disturb anyone.

“Thank you all for coming today,” John said. You looked up. It had been an hour already? Where had you been for an hour as you sat here, ignoring the very thing you wanted. You let out a soft sigh and got up along with everyone else. You walked with Erin to the end of the pew and was about to make a mad dash for the exit when you heard your voice being called. “Can I speak to you for a moment?” You looked toward Erin who gave you a shrug.

“I’ll see you for lunch?” she asked.

“Of course.” She followed the crowd and left the church. You turned back around, holding your wrist between your thumb and pinky finger nervously.

“I’d prefer it if we went out to my room. For more privacy against prying eyes.” He gave a slight side eye to Beverly Keane who was watching this conversation from the front door. You nodded once.

“Yeah, sure.”

You let him lead you out and across the lawn. It was a chilly mid morning. You held your sweater shut around you as he opened the door and stepped inside. He looked over at you, the purple chasuble weighing his arms down.

“Can you…” he muttered, gesturing to the garment. You nodded and grabbed the ends, helping it off of him. He took it from you gently and put it down on the table. You stepped back then, allowing a few feet of space between the two of you.

“What did you want to talk about?” you asked gently. He gave you a look.

“You seemed not to pay attention in church today, I wanted to ask if that was my doing.” You shrugged.

“I guess I feel a tad guilty. Like I’ve lost myself.”

“Lost yourself to what?”

“Lost yourself to you. To how much I care about you. How much I don’t care about sinning with you, handing myself over on a platter.” He put his hands on your upper arms and you didn’t move away. You couldn’t bring yourself to. His body heat felt good. “We did ungodly, ghastly things last night. Don’t you hate me now? Don’t answer that, I don’t want to know,” you muttered, shaking your head. He put his hand gently underneath your chin and made you look at him.

“You aren’t a sin to me. You’ve never been a sin to me,” he said quietly. “I can’t hate you for last night. I enjoyed it just as much as you, likely more.” He had a puppy dog look in his eyes as he spoke. “I think I might let you crucify me if you wanted.” It sounded more like a realization than a fact. You looked up at him.

“John…”

“Don’t say anything you don’t mean,” he whispered, shaking his head. “Please.”

“I would never lie to you,” you said, appalled. “I couldn’t.” You pulled away from him and stood closer to the door. “I promised Erin I would go with her to lunch,” you explained. “I can’t miss that. It’ll look suspicious.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t want you to miss that.” He put his hands together in front of his chest, smiling kindly at you. Even with all the turmoil you imagined going on in his head, he was able to give you gentleness.

“Would it be alright if I came here again tonight? We don’t have to do anything, I just want to see you.” He nodded, probably too quickly he realized afterwards.

“Anytime you want. You’re always welcome here.” You nodded and grabbed the door handle. You waited a beat and then turned around, putting your hands on either side of his face and kissing him. It was like that was the moment he had been waiting for. There was no other way to put it. Your lips on his. That was his heaven. Whoever God was, They wouldn’t want to deprave him of this emotion right here.

You pulled away, lips slightly swollen from the blood rushing to them.

“Tonight,” he said, hand holding your elbow.

“Tonight,” you repeated and turned to the door.

#father paul x reader #john pruitt x reader #midnight mass imagines