cagesings

[cagesings]

moved to @cannotfly!

#i log on here occasionally because i'm looking for something so might as well reblog this

[cagesings]

moved to @cannotfly!

[cagesings]

moved to @cannotfly!

[cagesings]

moved to @cannotfly!

[cagesings]

moved to @cannotfly!

[cagesings]

moved to @cannotfly!

[cagesings]

heygutlcss​:

“I ain’t signin’ nothin’.” He snapped, “ I don’t sign nothin’ without Tony.” If he had any heart left to yell he would have. “ I can’t… I don’t…I need Tony to read it to me.” his voice was a whisper.

“ I put my name on the wrong thing and Beans ain’t gone a have nothin’. Marriage or not.” His hands went to the back of his neck, his arms bobbed like birds wings in some attempt to stifle his anxiety. If he had the room to pace he would have.

He could think of a million things the people in town would say. After a thing like this girls went back to their people if they had people to go to. They’d expect him to sell the house and go rent the government housing attached to the lighthouse specifically for the lighthouse keeper. It would quietly dissolve before anyone could bat an eyelash. If they stayed and didn’t do those conventional things they certainly they would talk. They might do worse. Social people tended to quickly exile those they found unsociable.

“Got a sign him to the grave diggers…” He mumbled, meaning the coroners. “He’d want you there too.” It’s the only way he could ask for help. “ Once he’s out a the house… Then there’s the guy with the will…then… Then I’ll make up my mind.”

if he doesn’t agree to marry her, she doesn’t have any other option. anthony was far from wealthy, but not on the bottom of the social ladder though it wasn’t enough to continue supporting them for a long time. besides, johanna didn’t inherit it. there’s no one for her to go back to except for a judge in london who tried everything in his power to stop her from marrying anthony in the first place. ( at times, she wonders if he’s dead. ) 

she doesn’t know if anthony would want her to be there, to have to take care of all this paperwork ( why would they people sign paperwork after their souls have been crushed by the barriers of death? ), but it falls on her. she is the widow. everyone claims to be merciful and helpful to the widows, yet they keep shoving things at her. her signature doesn’t even matter. only the man’s. 

❝ i’ll read it. i can get it now and read it to you here. ❞ her tone is gentle, as if she were trying to soothe laura. ❝ can i do that? ❞ just because she was staring off into space when they explained all of this to her doesn’t mean she wasn’t paying attention. she could re-explain it. mostly, johanna wishes someone was there to whisper soft things in her ear to make her feel better. her first thought is anthony until . . .

❝ i’ll go get it, alright? and we’ll read it together, then you can sign it. i need to get laura, too. i don’t like strange men in my house especially with my daughter around. i’ll be right back. ❞

#*❈ ‣ have you decided it’s safer in cages‚ singing when you’re told? — ( interaction. ) #*❈ ‣ if we lay a strong enough foundation‚ we’ll pass it on to you. we’ll give the world to you. — ( v: single mother. ) #heygutlcss #*❈ ‣ outside the sky waits‚ beckoning‚ beckoning‚ just beyond the bars — ( queue. ) #grief tw #death tw

[cagesings]

heygutlcss​:

“Can you prove it?” His head tilted back up, lifting away from where it has nestled down into her chest. He nodded, ” Help me up.“ He said trying to push himself up off the bed, turn and get to the edge without hurting his back to much. It did hurt though, despite everything. He rocked where he sat to give himself the momentum to stand. He was already shaking from how cold it was.

” you bundle her up good?“ He asked through chattering teeth as he moved toward the hope chest. As he lifted the lid, the items expanded underneath the space they were finally allowed to occupy. He pulled out at least five blankets, most of them things he’d saved when they had been abandoned, and one was definitely meant to be in there for occasions such as this.

There was the heavyweight blanket from up in the lighthouse that had torn at one end where even a patch could not save it. There were at least two blankets that Johanna had left unfinished(He wasn’t sure why and he didn’t ask why. He just refused to Let Anthony give them away. Maybe one day Johanna would finish them. Maybe they’d become something other than a blanket, they couldn’t get rid of them.) And the last blanket still had the burn marks from when Anthony had fallen asleep a little to close to the hearth. Riff remembered ripping that blanket off of the sofa and beating out the flames with it. Anthony was lucky he didn’t get hurt.

"put this one on first, then the rest.” He chattered, trying to open them all in a hurry. He was cold. He wanted to climb back in and warm up with her.

there isn’t much she could do, being on the other side of the bed, aside from a few sympathetic grimaces that he couldn’t see in the dark. wrapping herself in the layers of blankets, she turns to look at him. ❝ well, seeing as how hell is always describe as a pit full of fire, i think that makes a good point in my favor. ❞

laura was draped in layer after layer before bed. anything johanna could get her hands on. multiple night dresses, multiple undergarments, even a baby bonnet that was too big for her was carefully tucked on her head. ❝ i should go get her. ❞ though, johanna doesn’t move. 

in the dark as she grabs one of the two blankets, she recognizes it’s texture. she pauses. squinting her eyes and craning her neck, she forgets all about the cold outside as a lump of ice falls to the pit of her stomach. she thought she’d gotten rid of this one. 

❝ i threw this out. ❞ her tone is still a whisper, teeth chattering. ❝ i-i don’t want to see it again. it’s unfinished. it’s too small anyway. it wasn’t meant to be big or to cover an entire adult. ❞ this was the blanket she was making for their baby. she was working on it the day before. the other blanket is the one she threw at riff when he was sick, back when anthony was alive and back when they exchanged snide remarks behind his back, but those memories are no defense against this one. ❝ why do you have it? ❞

in the morning, johanna would get rid of it for good. 

#sorry. #*❈ ‣ have you decided it’s safer in cages‚ singing when you’re told? — ( interaction. ) #*❈ ‣ if we lay a strong enough foundation‚ we’ll pass it on to you. we’ll give the world to you. — ( v: single mother. ) #*❈ ‣ outside the sky waits‚ beckoning‚ beckoning‚ just beyond the bars — ( queue. ) #heygutlcss #miscarriage tw #child loss tw #pregnancy loss tw

[cagesings]

heygutlcss​:

He felt like death described. In weather like last night’s, both foggy and rainy with a storm just threatening to come thundering down he would stay up in the lighthouse. He had to. It was his job.

His eye cracked open at her talking to him. “Beans is in trouble.” He’s been out in that rain. “ Kid figured out how to climb out the window.” He turned his head briefly to cough. “Came up to the lighthouse last night.” He turned his head back, burrowing further under the covers. He was cold. “ Wetter than a fish.” He could hear tired whines from Anthony’s daughter and he mumbled out some murmur about being up by the lighthouse at that hour in that weather could have gotten her killed.

“Had to bring her home…then… Light went out.” Which was the one thing he couldn’t allow to happen. The only reason he is so calm is because he’s tired and because going out to bring Laura home in that rain had made him sick. “ Fuckin’ cold up there.” He had gone back up to the lighthouse and stayed through the night cold and wet.

He would have been home sooner if the weather hadn’t been bad. If it had gotten worse he would have made a point to go get his girls and make sure they were all safe high on the hill in the lighthouse.

Riff’s eyes cracked open and peaked his head up, trying hard to stay awake. “..had my way…nail the window…shut.” He could guess Johanna night was rough as well. “Did we wake you?”

hand falls over his forehead once more. if laura rolls over off of them, she’ll be able to get out of bed and find a washcloth and some cold water to soak it in. though, she doesn’t know how inviting that wound sound after last night. 

❝ she did? ❞ the affection in her voice is uncharacteristic of a mother finding out that her child could pull such a dangerous stunt. she kisses the top of her daughter's yellow curls. over and over in her delight. when johanna was younger, there was no one to congratulate her. only strict rules and governesses with sharp sticks.

❝ why on earth would we nail the window shut? she might need that someday. ❞ if she had been able to simply climb out her window, she would've been able to leave with anthony in a much simpler way. not that johanna won't stop protecting her daughters from similar horrors, but it's not a bad skill at all. ❝ we're not nailing the window shut. ❞

that's how the judge used to punish her. she spent three days like that, attempting to peak in through the cracks before she learned anthony had been coming every single day. ten times, the judge had said, they had to chase him away ten times. it was enough to give her the courage to steal that key. 

a gentle hum. ❝ i'm a light sleeper. ❞ riff knows that. it's not just an excuse she used to use. ❝ you should take a bath. that might feel good. you changed your clothes afterwards, right? ❞

#jokes on him this is actually her proudest moment as a mother #*❈ ‣ have you decided it’s safer in cages‚ singing when you’re told? — ( interaction. ) #*❈ ‣ if we lay a strong enough foundation‚ we’ll pass it on to you. we’ll give the world to you. — ( v: single mother. ) #heygutlcss #*❈ ‣ outside the sky waits‚ beckoning‚ beckoning‚ just beyond the bars — ( queue. ) #sickness tw #illness tw #abuse tw

[cagesings]

grimacing slightly at the whistle, she looks down at their daughter as well. johanna doesn't mind the softer one, but she has to remind herself that dove is awake and he's not trying to wake her up. for once. she adjusts her hold on her, allowing her to roll over if she so desires.

❝ when i asked you if you wanted to have a bird baby, i didn't mean the whistling part. you know that, right? ❞ it's a gentle tease. a poor attempt at lighting the mood of the potential that dove can't hear their voices. ( she still sings or hums in their daughter's ear and she still knows it's her. she can hear. it's fine. johanna doesn't want to figure out if it's an attempt at comforting her husband or a lie to herself. ) ❝ i just meant the name. ❞ dove alouette birdie canary lark robin mcclellan was almost her name, after all. if just out of spite.

lips tighten into a thin line as she throws a glare his way. ❝ really? in front of the baby? ❞ it doesn't prevent a hint of a blush appearing on her cheeks. she wants to point out that having a drawer stocked didn't prevent dovey from coming, but it sounds too cruel to their daughter. the topic of her family makes her sink back slightly anyway.

❝ there's nothing for me to tell. my mother killed herself because she didn't want to take care of me and my father got himself arrested. ❞ though her smile is sad, she shrugs as if it doesn't matter. ❝ you know it's funny. you could've met him and had no idea. ❞ she doesn't like to think about riff in somewhere like that. it wasn't his fault that he was arrested. it never was.

❝ it feels like a lot of things are private. i married you. i wish you would invite me more into those things. i invite you into mine. ❞ head tilts to the side, mirroring the way dove does. ❝ why did she leave? ❞ she grows louder while he walks away. ❝ i think we're out. plain is fine. ❞

Sometimes he worries that little dove is deaf. She doesn't make much noise , if any at all ( though in truth he doesn't know what to expect). Joe's fosters tell them how lucky they are. Riff still worries. They barely have enough to get by as it is. A deaf kid could need more.

He whistled at his daughter from his seat at the table, the sound loud and sharp, but there is a sigh of relief as the baby looked startled in her mother's arms.

" She's enough as it is." It bothered him that she didn't look over at him. He whistled again, more bird like and softer this time " Rosie girl, where's dad?" He doesn't mean to sound like he's whistling at a dog or making silly bird noises, he just wanted that confirmation that she could hear him.

"Couldn't afford the bills for another now." He shook his head, " don't worry, I got the drawer stocked." He could be mean and make her uncomfortable with more contraceptive talk, but the moment was nice and , for once, he didn't want to ruin it.

" Ain't like you talk about your family neither, miss." He missed his brows at her statement, " that's private is all. She's older 'an me." He said rising from his seat with his regular grunt against his bad back. " Who knows and who cares? She left when she was sixteen." She had left them behind. He was already going back to the kitchen to get that roll that he had taken.

" you want butter or anything on this?"

#*❈ ‣ have you decided it’s safer in cages‚ singing when you’re told? — ( interaction. ) #*❈ ‣ she's been living in her white-bread world as long as anyone with hot blood can — ( v. hawkins ) #heygutlcss #*❈ ‣ outside the sky waits‚ beckoning‚ beckoning‚ just beyond the bars — ( queue. ) #suicide tw

[cagesings]

heygutlcss​:

“Don’t feel like it neither.” He rasped ready to go back to bed. Still, they had planned his sick day well in advance so unless she sent him home he first thing he was doing was crawling under her covers and going back to sleep .

“ ah shit. ” He mumbled. “ He come through here yet?” His voice, already a whispering rasp dropped even further at that revelation. He hated hiding underneath her bed and today, feeling sore and split all over he worried he might not be able to get back up, even with her help. Climbing in through the window was hard enough with the way his body ached.

“We have a problem.” He said as if he’s almost forgotten why he’d come so early, “ Couple kids at school got mono.” The kissing disease. “ They’s sending home papers about it.” He could only imagine her guardian would jump to the worst possible conclusion. “I might ask my Aunt to… take me later.” if she would that was. he knew how she felt about doctors and the thought of what would happen if they both ended up getting something like that only made him feel more anxious than nauseas. “I should a made Mack sit elsewhere, sneezing and coughin’ like she was. ” he was sorry. he really was.

when they planned their sick day, they hadn’t expected it to be an actual sick day. for the both of them, much less. head shakes gently, afraid if she shook it too violently her headache would feel worse or he would somehow hear and catch them and -- ❝ could you . . . ❞ eyes dart around the room. ❝ the closet? it's small, but if you don't want to go under the bed again? ❞

her head is too muffled to pick up on what he’s saying at first before she feels the very act of her stomach plummeting. ❝ o-oh. no, it's not . . . ❞ it’s not like she can’t deny that they can’t have it. what are the symptoms again? she can't think clearly. something about a fever and sore throat and fatigue? what if they have mono and her guardian finds out and finds out about him and has him arrested and she's sent to one of those places he threatens her about and she ends up dead and he ends up dead and . . . getting something like that ruins lives. what if this ruins their lives? 

❝ are you going to go? she thinks you’re at school right now, right? ❞ johanna will never deny that she doesn’t like his aunt, but it’s not like she can drive him to a clinic or hospital. ❝ it’s not . . . it’s not mack. it’s probably something else? do you have a sore throat, too? ❞ the sound of footsteps bring her back to where they are. she reaches out her hands, ready to push him in herself if she must. ❝ just . . . hide in the closet, okay? ❞

#*❈ ‣ have you decided it’s safer in cages‚ singing when you’re told? — ( interaction. ) #*❈ ‣ she's been living in her white-bread world as long as anyone with hot blood can — ( v: hawkins. ) #heygutlcss #*❈ ‣ outside the sky waits‚ beckoning‚ beckoning‚ just beyond the bars — ( queue. ) #illness tw #sickness tw #mono tw

[cagesings]

moved to @cannotfly!

[cagesings]

moved to @cannotfly!

[cagesings]

moved to @cannotfly!

#drafts/asks/etc have been moved to here! #*❈ ‣ i’m a silly little ninnynoodle — ( ooc. )

[cagesings]

i had no way to guide you so i sang. day in, day out. i thought i'd drop and still i sang. // highly selective and mainly headcanon based. as freed by fleur.

#moved!

[cagesings]

being restricted to about only three different places: kearney's lane, the public library at the end of the road and school, has taught her that the moment she can, johanna is going to fly away. going over to anthony's is not only breaking the rule on places she is restricted to, but also what's practically a no friends period rule and especially the "no dating" rule. ( most people their age with that rule usually had an age in which they were allowed to start seeing people in such light, but none had been given to her and she couldn't dare ask. ) running away will be breaking every single rule her guardian put in place. she smiles at the thought.

❝ everywhere. ❞ more of a whisper, than a cohesive, well-spoken thought. with everywhere on the table for two young people trying to plan a life together, what else matters? ❝ when should we go? i want to-i want to leave as soon as possible. ❞ johanna braces herself for the possible why. most people aren't taking off immediately. but she thinks anthony has picked up on her situation. not the extent of it ( she's too ashamed to admit certain details ). ❝ is that alright with you? if you want to stay with your family, i understand. of course you do! it doesn't really matter what i want. i want you to be happy. ❞

He'd go anywhere with Johanna. Maybe that's a strange thing to think, but it's the truth. Anywhere could be a wonderful place, as long as she would be there with him. He's always been the optimistic sort, never dwelling too much on the darker aspects of life, and finds light even in a city such as London. He knows the city well, knows its streets like the back of his hand, and the people that inhabit it, though some are nicer than others. Still, it never seems to get him down. . And the prospect of seeing the world with Johanna is an exciting one for him, what better could there be?

"Well then, we'll go everywhere that we can." His smile is wide and bright, lighting up his entire face. She says he shouldn't give her permission like that, but he can and he does, because why shouldn't he? If she asked for the moon itself, he'd climb the stars to get it for her. He glances towards her with a shy smile, a gentle fondness there, "I want to see it with you too."

#*❈ ‣ have you decided it’s safer in cages‚ singing when you’re told? — ( interaction. ) #*❈ ‣ how i would like to have wings – blue ones – how i would like to open them and raise — ( v: modern. ) #whatsbehindthefacade

[cagesings]

heygutlcss​:

They hardly ever make it to his trailer. The few times had been for dinner dates and even then they could never spend more than fifteen to twenty minutes there. it took to long to get her back to where they needed to be.

He’d moved his dresser in front of the door ( talking her through the why and the need for it. His Aunt did tend to barge in on them whenever she noticed he was home.) just enough to keep it from opening. It was rather heavy, but he didn’t complain. He considered everything inside it precious. Besides, he had argued that she’d fit through the window if she really needed to get out fast, and even cracked it open just to prove that point. It nice, just to lie there next to her.

“What?” He adjusted himself to better look at her. his arm was still wrapped underneath and around her. He’d never thought of getting married. He wasn’t that traditional. “ Just figured you’d be there , too.” not that he could picture the reality of any future. or even what tomorrow looked like. The only good thing about tomorrow was knowing she’d be there to take his hand and to talk to.

He was quiet for a while after her words. Her declaration of a definitive feeling, as well as a future had him stumped. He was quiet for an unhealthy amount of time. His face was fixed on the thought and the sheer shock of such foreign words. He was still processing their meaning.

“Okay.” he said finally. presently he spoke, “ When?” it wasn’t anything worth lingering on if it was something mentioned for an impossible future. He simply couldn’t think up tomorrow. any plans they had made and dates and times. They were tangible and achievable.

this was something different. Something serious. This was forever.

knowing that he loves her for certain is the only thing keeping her from ramblings her list of worries to him. ( but what if he doesn't anymore? after she found the courage to actually say those three words out loud he's fallen out of love with her. what if that was it? the fact that she didn't confess earlier? ) neither of them are very good at processing something like this. johanna doesn't think she's ever told anyone that she loves them.

aside from her birds. this is the first time she's confessing her love for someone human and real and wonderful.

❝ when? ❞ he wants to marry her, too. she drops her head back down to lay on his chest. ❝ we have to graduate. then maybe sometime we leave and then after we leave . . . we get married. the ceremony is on the . . . june fourth? ❞ she's had that date memorized since the beginning of the year. june fourth, nineteen-eighty five. ❝ we could leave right after that. maybe-maybe june sixth? we'll get away and find a courthouse and just do it there. ❞

they won't need to pack much with them. her guardian is planning on marching her down to whatever church that was enough miles away and doing the same thing with her there despite how loud she could potentially scream. they'll have to be a little swifter, but her window is unlocked. it wouldn't be too difficult to climb out of it. johanna would practice if she wasn't afraid mrs. eastman might tell her guardian. marriage was always the next step for her after high school. she would be pushed into a match with whatever good, christian boy her guardian found for her. not anymore. she found someone else.

❝ then we'll both be there. in each other's futures. ❞ her smile falls to something a little shyer. perhaps, it's a little too bold to do the proposing herself. it's silly, even. she'd never heard of the girl proposing to the guy. she doesn't mind it. out of the two of them, she knows she's the more traditional one, yet she's the one making an offer of matrimony.

she lays back to their position from before, head on his chest, fingers spread out on his shoulder. ❝ is that okay? you'll marry me on june sixth, nineteen eighty-five? ❞

#they're so cute thinking that they'll have any say in this :))) #*❈ ‣ have you decided it’s safer in cages‚ singing when you’re told? — ( interaction. ) #*❈ ‣ she's been living in her white-bread world as long as anyone with hot blood can — ( v: hawkins. ) #heygutlcss #abuse tw #*❈ ‣ outside the sky waits‚ beckoning‚ beckoning‚ just beyond the bars — ( queue. )