#and it is somehow funny

[ltwilliammowett]

Can you do a short term list for us in a funny way?

Welcome my dear newcomers aboard HMS Surprise. You have been exclusively selected ( or gently beaten up and dragged here) to join us on our South America tour. I promise you excitement, sleepless nights, beautiful scenery, storms, sunburn, no water and a bloody French…. oops I mean great adventure. To help you find your way around on board, here's a short list of important terms.

Landlubber - you, if you need this list - speak a non-sailor who simply has no idea about being a sailor.

Ship - your new workplace - this wooden lady is now your everything and treat her well, she is your life insurance to get you home safely. But be careful, she is very headstrong and if you want to tell me now that she is just an object, you thought wrong. She is very much a living individual and she will make you feel that.

The rigging - that sort of spider's nest above you - is there to operate the sails. Look forward to getting to know the ropes very well.

Sails - those cloth rags hanging from the thick wooden poles. They are used for locomotion and are not blankets.

Wheel - this strange wooden wheel with spikes on it - no, it is not an instrument of torture, but is used for steering.

Anchor - heavy, made of iron and keeps our lady in place.

Compass - this strange thing that lives in a box and is constantly moving back and forth. To cut a long story short: You know which way is north and you can keep your course. You'll soon know it by heart.

Captain - Boss

1st Lieutenant - Second boss and the one who can really fuck you up if he wants to. Get in good line and please don't suck up to him. But he is the one who puts you in everything, be it ward, mess, hammock, etc.

2.nd. Lieutenant - me and I too can make you uncomfortable.

Master - knows where the sails hang and what course to set. Takes just a little more work off the boss.

Purser - is responsible for your food rations, but will also try to get you to buy something from him to make life on board a little easier. Don't do this, he's quite expensive.

Sailor - Your new colleagues, and depending on their years of service, they will know how to handle that wooden lady, how to set the sails and so on. You'll learn it too.

Old Salt - an experienced old sailor, stick with him if you want to learn and he is willing to share his knowledge.

Surgeon - the name says it all. We have a good one on board, be lucky. And if you're lucky, you'll come home with all your body parts.

Midshipmen - mini officers who still need to learn. They can be quite demanding and annoying, especially when many of them are still very young. But don't be surprised if a 12-year-old gives you orders, he's allowed to.

Mess - the place where you eat

Cannon - heavy, iron, dirty, hot and with a loud bang. Used to stop the enemy or inflict serious damage. Keep your limbs to yourself and only follow the instructions of those who know what to do with them. Otherwise you will only injure yourself unnecessarily.

Cannonball - heavy, made of stone or iron. Come into the cannon and please do not trip over it.

Admiral - comes along sometimes. Is the boss of the boss

Hammock - your bed, but don't get too comfortable in it because you won't get much sleep anyway.

Rum - elixir of life, next to coffee

Powder monkeys - yes, they are children, but they know what to do and you can learn something from them too.

Boatswain - also called Bosun, he whistles the orders and drives you to work. He is also your wake-up call.

Marine - our sea soldiers, there aren't very many of them, but the few that there are are fine. They are there for the safety on board.

Cutlasses, muskets, grenades, axes, etc. - makes autsch, hopefully not with you. You will learn to handle them.

Cook - as the name suggests, and yes, having only one leg is normal.

Quarterdeck - not your dance area, that's the officers' area, you're only allowed there if your duty requires it.

Wardroom - also not your area. This is where we officers live and have some privacy.

Great Cabin - living and working area of the captain (you remember? - boss).

Gun deck - remember those big black things that bang loudly? they live here.

Berth deck - this is where you live, sleep and eat. Don't worry, it doesn't get cold there, you share the space with about 170 men.

Well, there is more, but I think that should be enough to start with. The rest will come naturally later. Don't stress about it and I think you will enjoy next year by the sea so much that you will want to come back.

#i hope this was ok #and it is somehow funny #ask

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.

and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.

...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.

see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.

while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.

especially if the president of the united states is on board.

yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.

and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."

but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.

...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.

not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.

yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.

but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire

#kai rambles #so like #i enjoy ships and learning about them and looking at them but like #i dont really care for warships #i dont hate them viscerally like i do cruise ships but i never really care for them #apart from the ones that were just like either ridiculously designed like the hms captain or the vasa or the novgorod #or the ones where just insane shit happened like with the william d porter #like this isnt even the extent of the porters unfortunate incidents like shr was sank by a kamikaze attack that MISSED #but somehow ended up below the ship and exploded and just like yeeted the porter out of the water #william d porter #uss william d porter #ww2 #world war 2 #world war ii #warships #again warships are really not my thing but god some of them are so fucking funny #uss iowa #fdr #franklin d. roosevelt #this suddenly got so many notes in like less than 24 hours what the fuck #shipposting

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF movie Abby has better luck than Elizabeth..

(Original post by @dont_nes_wit_me)

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #fnaf #abby schmidt #elizabeth afton #golden freddy #Toyshk #fnaf movie #sister location #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #when I saw this post I knew I’d have to redraw it myself #the difference is so funny 💀 #I think Abby and Liz are similar #they both want to hang around animatronics when they probably shouldn’t #though Abby has been WAY more successful in that regard #Somehow she befriended her own Golden Freddy #meanwhile Elizabeth as baby got kicked out of the Ennard group #NOT Elizabeth’s fault she’s definitely just had worst luck 😭

[romijuli]

It’s not that I don’t LIKE the Fandom Popular Pairings, it’s that I find the assumption that everyone ships them and the general all-consuming nature of said pairings to be kinda exhausting,

#the funny thing about me getting into pro////////seka is that i can FINALLY articulate this #because it somehow feels worse than in any other fandom I’ve been into #that said I’ve been thinking about this for a while #also hi. if you’re here to throw some ‘have some originality’ comment please don’t that’s not the fucking point. #it’s not ‘they suck because they’re unoriginal’ it’s ‘it’s very frustrating to feel mildly positive to neutral #about a ship everyone keeps shoving down your throat’ #people can be like this with any and all ships. it’s just that the popular ones tend to have this attitude be totally inescapable

[theminecraftbee]

witness today: docm77 managing to cause himself to completely and totally bluescreen on the spot,

#hermitcraft #docm77 #joe hills #zombiecleo #vintagebeef #THIS IS SO GODDAMN FUNNY THE MOMENT DOC SOMEHOW STARTS TALKING ABOTU DOG SHOWs #AND EVERYONE ELSE IS LIKE. WHAT??? #it's SO GOOD.

[be-queer-do-arson]

I love that scene in tkm where Wymack tells Neil he's going to make him vice captain the next year and Neil tries to politely decline (on the grounds that he'll be dead by then) and Wymack is literally like too bad bitch. This isn't a democracy and i say you're the next captain so figure it out

#neil didnt tell wymack why he's reluctant to accept of course #but his internal monologue was somehow simultaneously depressing and funny as fuck #neil: you should pick up an extra striker for next year #wymack: why 🤨 #neil: *sweating* no reason #aftg #neil josten #all for the game #the kings men #coach wymack #wymack

[infinite-orangepeel]

i don’t want a ‘career’ ! i want to write sexy fanfiction for my internet friends <3

#and somehow get paid for it #my college degree is sitting there collecting dust #while i write steddie angst and make people cry #marissa’s unfiltered thoughts #steddie #steddie writers #fanfiction #steddie fanfiction #ao3 writers #ao3 #steddie fic recs #fanfic writer #steddie fanfic #writing #fanfiction is for self care #ao3 funny #ao3 things #ao3 is superior

[spiderzlover]

Eight is never catching a break🚨

#HAPPY RELEASE DAY #the hype is so so real omg #Thought it would be funny if Agent 4 references inner Agent 3 fight somehow.. #Eight is getting flashbacks #splatoon 3 #side order #splatoon #leyko drawz

[astearisms]

may you find peace 🌾

#my art #it was so funny posting this on Twitter because not long after I posted it someone said ‘this is great #also I think you’re missing a child’ #i just thought ‘wait…no….did I?’ and so i re-watched the part in episode 5 where you see finn and his kids #and then i saw them!! #the neptr looking child! #i had watched the episode two times but somehow my brain just…did not perceive the child #another comment jokingly said ‘’not the neptr looking kid getting neptr’d’ and it made me laugh #another person sweetly said ‘don’t worry #they’re taking the picture!’ #i enjoyed those interactions #thank you everyone for liking and supporting my work #it’s a joy #adventure time #fionna and cake #finn mertens #finn the human #fanart

[samglyph]

Couple more Steph+Pete doodles cause they’re cute.

#I’m obsessed with Steph by the way her mental space is so funny #she is obsessed with this little man but she cannot admit it so she projects onto him. and she’s still somehow right. #I love her #my art #fan art #starkid #nerdy prudes must die #npmd fanart #npmd #hatchetfield

[lazylittledragon]

I feel like for Dorian and Astarion to become parents it would have to be an accident. Like, dorian finding it in the trash or some magical nonsense they find making one pop out of thin air. both of which I imagined seeing your funny comic XD (your art is precious by the way)

oh 100%, i was thinking today that they probably wouldn’t try and have one on purpose but maybe after several decades of therapy it wouldn’t be a nightmare if it happened unintentionally

anyway i pulled this out of somewhere and i hate it

#ramble #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #tavstarion #the idea of them accidentally conjuring a person somehow is very funny #i regret starting this as a joke because now i’m invested #although iirc neil newbon said he thinks he’d have children and i feel like i trust him #also before you say this is too mean. did you play the game

[seldompathic]

Maybe he'll survive this time????

#sonic the hedgehog #sth #sonic art #shadow the hedgehog #the murder of sonic the hedgehog #So I just finished the game and the first thing I thought is that Sonic needs to stop going to b-day parties #He somehow always ends up half dead and its SO FUNNY #GAH I love these two lmfao #sonic and shadow #these idiots live rent free in my chrome dome rn #tmosth

[ryllen]

sebek really said, i will give u a lifetime beating ur parent never gave u because they love u too much but u are too dumb to realize that

#fsdhs somehow i can never find the original image of that coach about to slap the arm of one of his sport player #even tho i find it really funny #twisted wonderland #twst #sebek zigvolt #twst silver #book 7 #twst yuu #twst mc #twst grim #fanart #anyhow WHY THOSE PUNCHES SOUND LIKE THAT #LIKE not exactly PONG! BUT AS COMICAL AS PONG! #FSDHSH SUCH A GAG GAME sometimes THEY JUST FOUND THE RIGHT TIME TO BE FUNNY

[unamusedyams]

In 2018, I had weird dream that Yugi's dad was a weird little man and highly skilled pizza maker.

And in 2021, I redrew some of those ideas again.

(old doodles below cut)

The cherry on top is, there actually IS a pizzeria place run by a guy named "Mr. Moto" at least

#yugioh dm #ygo #mr. muto #yugi muto #seto kaiba #dark magician #pizza #digital art #funny #meme #comic #i love that i dreamed he was a normal ass looking dad #does he try to hide the anime protag hair #do yugi and solomon style THEIR hair?? #does it somehow skip a generation??? #who knows. . . #yams art

[rambles-about-minecraft-ocs]

one of my favorite things about zedaph is that on a server full of people that find strange and oft-overlooked minecraft mechanics or rare events and then see just how far they can push them in the name of spectacle or efficiency or world-breaking, zed is over here finding these mechanics in order to do the weirdest things he can think of in as entertaining a manner as possible

like i 100% have faith in zedaph's theoretical ability to be just as efficient or spectacular or world-breaking. if he wanted to do that stuff, i trust that he absolutely could. but thats so far from being his priority. instead, hes going to spend around a week of irl time focused entirely on eventually having the good luck to spawn in something insanely rare so that he can convert it into something even rarer, the result of which being something that 99% of the server reacts with complete and utter shock that it even exists in the first place, just because its zany and funny and he wanted to. and i love that

#zedaph #hermitcraft #genuinely i adore the clucky few project im not even done watching the episode and i had to pause and make this post #i saw impulses video first and went ''that HAS to be some sort of datapack or something-'' #only to immediately go ''no. no it cant be. because this is zed #and its practically a trademark of his to push the limits of the game as far as possible in the direction least expected #not for the purpose of efficiency or spectacle or intimidation or whatever like some players who push limits #but purely for the purpose of making something so funny you cant help but laugh at whats going on #and maybe being a bit impressed that he ever thought of it in the first place'' #at which point i went ''holy shit. since its zed doing this. somehow he ACTUALLY got a villager on a chicken. with no cheats. thats INSANE' #i was relieved when i checked my subscriptions to see what the next video i had to watch was and saw he would be next in line #bc if i had to sit through 19 other hermits videos before i could watch his and find out what the fuck he was doing i would have been so sa #sidenote but i feel like a zed video where he interacts with this many other people all in the same video is so rare #idk i didnt watch season 9 and i know he started collabing a lot more w/ other hermits then #so maybe its not nearly as rare these days #but like the last one that *i* saw where he interacted with this many people at once was towards the end of season 8 #when all the people he experimented on earlier in the season came back to experiment on him #and like i would like zeds videos with or without the collabs. but its a lot of fun to see him interact with people #so its very cool to me when he does it with a lot of people all in the same video

[panic-flavored]

If the Knuckles show won't give me an Agent Stone cameo, I'll do it myself!! 😤

#agent stone #stobotnik #knuckles show #knuckles series #agent mason #agent willoughby #sonic the hedgehog #sonic movies #just pretend the agents survived somehow ok??? #and lost all their gear somehow too bc i did not have the patience to draw all that #i was CONVINCED stone was going to show up post credits or smth #it was copium i know but still ToT #i miss my boy!!!! #anyway i liked the show #it was a mixed bag for sure but it was funny and VERY silly #and i love wade so i didnt mind his generous screen time #knuckles spoilers #spoilers