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diveinyouastro · 9 months

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🌡~My take on scorpio placements ~

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☆ scorpio in the 7th house- usually get cheated on by their partners. Go through Toxic/ narcissistic partners at some point in their lives. 3rd party situations. Partners lying and deceiving you.

☆ scorpio mars- usually center of attention (attention grabber not seeker). Females with this placement tend to attract jealously from their so called friends or just other people in general. Men tends to sexualize them alot, Might have spread rumors about them at some point.

Men with this placement, if underdeveloped, tends to be toxic af. The need to control everyone and everything around them is just awful. Fuck around a lot. Sleeping with different different people.

If developed, good achievers. Very strategic mindset. Usually get what they want in life. Bulletproof mindset. Very good at talking to people but still maintaining boundaries. Loyal.

☆scorpio suns- idk why and how, but when people get to know that someone is a scorpio, they get weirdly attracted to them??? Like staring at them, wanting to know them. Intimidated by them.

☆scorpio sun/moons- have a good sense of humour. They can make anyone laugh. And with this, they tend to attract alot of people who wants to be in a relationship with them.

☆ scorpio venus- won't say a loyal lover HOWEVER when they love love, they are loyal 100%. Underdeveloped can lie about being in love.

☆retrograde scorpio venus- feels unlovable. Extreme trust issues. Highly sensitive. Very very very high on trust. You know how they say scorpios take tests? With this placement? Tests x 100. Don't give 2nd chances. It's very very difficult for them to be vulnerable. People have rejected them alot. Might have been body shamed or criticised for looks. They feel like they don't deserve to be loved.

☆scorpio stellium in the natal chart- highly intuitive. Usually sees things beforehand. POWER. THE DARKNESS. THE EYES!!! Very beautiful people inside out. However they don't trust easily but if they do, for the love of lord, don't break it cuz you'll be coming back again and again to win them over.

☆scorpio moon- been through some serious shit. Been through hell and back with themselves. They understand people very well. However, they don't get the same understanding in return. They can see right through you so don't f with them. Hate mind games.

☆scorpio rising- very very intimidating. Females with this placement tends to attract jealousy in any form. People want to dominate you so bad. People telling them to tone it down. Basically people don't like your mindset, it triggers them cuz they can't have power over you. Hates 2 faced people. And the irony is, they usually deal with 2 faced people.

☆scorpio lilith- highly seductive. Very attractive. Sex appeal. Feelings run deep for them. Had people who wanted them only for sexual pleasures, wanted to touch them in any way. High vibration scorpio lilith is THE HEALER. also I've seen yall had some near death experiences?? Or witnessed someone dying in front of you.

☆ scorpio mercury- moves in silence. Very strategic and careful. Committed to anything they put their mind into. Always ready to be one on one while fighting. Their way of talking is very intense and mysterious which makes people wanna know how do you think like that. When they say something they really mean it. They take their time. Expects the worst. They figure things out so fast so don't even think of gaslighting them.

☆Scorpio in the 10th house- achievers. From a young age they had an insight of what they will become. Hold power in their work environment. If your a student, your classmates want to steal your notes, they feel envious that you make pretty good notes of whatever you're studying cuz yall go in depth and make pretty good observations of the topics. Authority figures.

☆scorpio in the 5th- gets extreme reactions from people. Ofcourse with any other placements, attracts jealousy. (Bruh I don't get it, what's with the scorpios dealing with alot of jealousy???? Like that's tiring) Grabs attention in parties, get togethers or any form of social gatherings. Might have dealt with people wanting to take your partners. Might have overly strict parents or very fucked up family issues.

That's it for now🫶🏻

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itspyon · 6 months

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compilation post of commentary youtubers talking about dream, no drummyaches edition !

note, i might not exactly like 100% of the things said in these videos BUT they ultimately redeemed dream to a very large audience

starting with i think is the most viewed video right now, Will Dream's Response Actually Fix Anything? by Lessons in Meme Culture. it's 2:40 minutes long and the point is simply to open conversation about him being able to successfully redeem himself, but it has a lovely comment section if you want to scroll through that

Dream Just Responded To Everything by AugustTheDuck, had already spoken about Dream pretty positively, lovely guy, lovely summary [ touches earpiece the main studio is telling me august actually was a dream hater but turned around recently, so noting that down ]

Dream's Response was Perfect, But... by EntLaiser, who previously made a video actually speaking negatively of Dream, completely changed his opinion and talked about how meme culture is being used to justify mass harassment, along with being nice to Dream stans and defending them

Pyrocynical made a video. its bad. don't watch it. he gets cooked in the comments though so that's okay. Acheeto also made a video but i don't like the guy so i'm not linking that either, but it was a good video

Dream Finally Responded To The Allegations by sensitive soci3ty. i really like this video but i especially like the comments that bring up a lot of great points, it was refreshing scrolling through them

LIES! by Omni. Omni is really big on the commentary community so his input is valued, this video is long and goes through a lot of unrelated stuff because it's a news segment, but i linked to the timestamp he talks about Dream. it is long, it is thorough, he READS THE DESCRIPTION which i haven't seen anyone do, pretty good

Dream Might Actually Be Innocent by Saverino. this guy is like, the perfect representation of "i only consumed Dream content through social media for years", the most passive onlooker in the world. and his video is awesome, he took a lot of notes, he resumed Dream's video pretty well, and i feel the way he thinks of Dream is how people will look at dream from now on

Dream Finally Responded by Dolan Dark. it's a slob but it's fucking Dolan Dark and he says he believes he's innocent so who cares W for us

other creators we already know and knew they believed Dream, Hot Sauce Beats did a live reaction and so did Nate Alyn if you'd like to go and support them

Dream's Response Was Actually Good by Saamuel. dream hater admitting he was wrong. all is good in the world

Dream Finally Responded To The Allegations by Optimus. don't watch this video lol. he says a bunch of stupid shit, his comments call him out for it, but i am linking it because this guy is huge on the community, a lot of people were waiting on this video on twitter, and he's very clear on saying the allegations are fake, along with shaming twitter antis for their behaviour

Dream's Response Wasn't Good Enough by luhrix specifically talks about the reaction from antis on twitter to the video and how unreasonable some expectations are when it comes to responding to allegations

Does Dream's Response Make Him Innocent? by Blissolic who VERY BRAVELY calls out coyglone ( the guy behind the dreamwastalen account ) for being a piece of shit

Dream Responded... by Repzion. excellent video no notes, less about dream himself and more a critique of how people consume serious topics as "drama" and farm engagement through it

I Was In Dream's Video by orangepeanut. it's kind of ass but he is in dream's video ! he's the "dream sucked his own dick" guy. he says sorry for baiting and actually apologises to dream which is kind of funny, and he does say dream is innocent. just noting it down for reference

Dream's Response Was GREAT! by TekuToji. another excellent video, nice summary. he did thought the poki xqc dms were real but he corrected himself on the comments lol

Dream Has Returned ( and why you should be excited ) by PurpleMatter. sweet video ! go leave a nice comment :D

this is a different one as it is a full reaction, but it is by Kenji, a VERY famous vtuber, and he was awesome about it and called out his chat several times when they spoke misinformed shit. it's very fun and i'm glad a completely different audience now has a positive view of Dream

#i'll add more as i find them when they upload #dreamwastaken

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pedgito · 1 year

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hi! would u ever be comfortable writing about eddie's uncut cock? if not, it's totally fine. hope ur having a great day! <3

author’s note: funny you ask, because yes, absolutely. and look, i know people have varying opinions but let me be a whore in peace with my own nsfw headcanons, i don’t care what others think about eddie’s dick because this is just what sits in my brain. this was meant to be a small blurb so ignore the lack of form that i usually keep.

cw: 18+ (minors dni) obviously lots of dick talk what else do you expect, talks of self-exploration/masturbation, eddie dealing with some body issues pertaining to the topic in the ask, handjobs, oral (m receiving), i don’t apologize for any of this.

word count: 1.4k

eddie doesn't realize how uncommon it is until the reactions become the same and frequent, eventually forcing eddie to hate any kind of sexual interaction outside of himself for a while—he knows it's not a big deal, but the judgey looks and offhanded comments about how weird it was didn't make him impenetrable. it was always there in the back of his mind.

but eddie has always been about self-exploration, maybe to an unhealthy degree as he got older, interacted with girls less, buried himself into hellfire club and his side business of dealing—he usually kept interaction to a minimum, which wasn't hard when most of the school despised him.

and he can't imagine how anything could be better, his dick laying heavy against his belly as his fingers dragged up under his balls, touching delicately, almost teasing in a way before he gripped himself forcefully, tugging down until the head peeks past the skin in all of it's glistening glory, precum smeared over the slit as he slides back up, squeezing the head between his thumb and forefinger under the foreskin.

he thought being this sensitive was normal, but he was proven wrong time and time again. he's learned over time and through a lot of experience how to hold himself back, squeeze himself at the base to keep himself from coming too early or letting go completely, occasionally trying the tactic of squeezing the head until the feeling fades, it works wonders, but still, it doesn’t prepare him for the real thing—he's embarrassed when he's coming in the hands of some beautiful girl he sat next to in english class at the beginning of his first senior year, only some unrhythmic strokes of her hand and her thumb rubbing over the head of his cock before he's there, spilling over her hand without warning.

and when he’s really eager and seeking the relief, he's quick, knowing just the ways to touch himself, how sensitive the head of his cock can get under the skin and he's there before he can even process, groaning through clenched teeth.

he meets you somewhere between the beginning of his hopefully last year of school and the few weeks before then end of '85—he doesn't understand how you came into his life, telling himself how he surely manifested you, that there's no possible way you were real.

regardless, eddie's is riddled with nerves the first time you touch him, making some off-handed comment about how not pretty his dick is, hoping it isn't a total deal breaker.

you can't help but look at him, eyes wide but your gaze scewed, confused on why any of that would matter. you can't remember the last time you've found that to be a dealbreaker.

when you finally get his pants down, sneaking your fingers into the waistband of his boxers until his dick springs free, you realize just how dramatic eddie was being about the whole thing, having been fed some idea that uncut dicks weren't as acceptable as the contrary and it's a shame, because if it isn't the prettiest dick you've ever seen, arguing his earlier statement with a quick quip that has eddie laughing through his nervous blush.

"eddie—i don't say this to too many guys, none actually," you glance up at him briefly before trailing your fingers along the hard ridge of his abdomen, barely grazing him, "your dick is very pretty."

"careful," eddie warns with a grin, teeth peeking through slightly, "you'll give me an ego."

eddie watches you wearily, your eyes taking in the full sight of him as your fingers wrap around the shaft, the soft velvety texture of his skin pressing against your palm and fingertips.

his thick, not so much that it's intimidating but he fills out your hand in the best way and somewhere between seven and eight inches, the head of his cock a deep pink that slightly contrast the softer shade of his skin and you're pulling the skin back to rub your thumb over the tip, earning a hiss from eddie in response.

"sensitive?" you ask teasingly, smiling at eddie's reaction before you repeat your previous movements, circling his head with a torturous pressure that has eddie gripping the pillowcase above his head, chin tilting down slightly against his chest to look at you, his eyes squeezing shut momentarily as the feeling becomes too much.

"okay, okay," he rushes out, "maybe ease up on that unless you want—want this to be over in the next five seconds."

he's right, so you relent, continuing the slow drag of your hand as you gauge his reactions, the easy glide that the skin creates until you're leaning forward to lick a stripe along the underside of his dick, tracing along the faint vein that ran there before you’re practically drooling over him, the mix of your spit and his own precome making it more overwhelming before you're closing your mouth over him completely, keeping the same pace of your hand as your mouth hollows out around the tip.

eddie feels like he might die, but he's fully accepting it.

"oh fuck—shit, that's so much better than—" eddie rambles mindlessly, "never—never had anyone suck my dick before."

which is a shame, because it's easily becoming your favorite thing.

"can't see how," you reply as your bottom lip drags along the ridge of his blushed tip, “but i guess that makes me lucky.”

“just—girls always looked at me strange, said it was weird,” eddie comments, “like i have any control over that, guess my parents have always been destined to fuck me over, even from birth.”

you laugh along with him, his rambling thoughts slipping past his lips and filling the quiet lull of the air.

you were so thankful eddie wasn’t the type to stay quiet, because while his sounds were torture, the way his voice cracked with every few words was even better. you let him talk as much as he pleased until he physically couldn’t, his fingers slipping over the top of your head and into your hair, squeezing lightly as your shifted your hand up, skin slipping back over the head as you pressed your tongue over the small glimpse of his slit that was still visible, moaning softly as he tugged a little harsher, mumbling something under his breath you couldn’t make out.

“can’t wait to have you inside me,” you confess, his eyes lighting up as they connected with yours, “don’t ever want you thinking anything negative about yourself again, either—it’s not true.”

eddie nods slightly, “fuck—can’t say stuff like that with my dick in your mouth, sweetheart.”

you prod further, breath ghosting over his dick as you spoke, “why?”

eddie groans quietly, speaking through gritted teeth, “really need you to stop unless you’re okay with me coming in your mouth—i’d hate—hate to do that without asking.”

your teeth drag along your bottom lip, biting at the skin briefly.

“is that you asking?” you giggle softly, stopping briefly with skin pulled back to take him into your fully and fast, earning a choked gasp from eddie.

eddie nods again, more needy, “uh huh—yes, yes—god, please—“ and it’s only a few seconds later that he’s spilling into your mouth, his own hand wrapping around his shaft to pump it quickly, swatting your own hand away, salty slick pooling over your tongue in spurts, the warm liquid wouldn’t be as enticing if it wasn’t for it being from eddie—and you wouldn’t dare let a man come in your mouth like this, but eddie had earned that right.

you pull back slowly, swallowing for show as eddie squeezed at his dick, thumb rubbing over the head tenderly as his body jerked slightly with aftershocks.

“i’ve never—“ eddie sighs heavily, catching his breath, “never came that hard, holy fuck. i’ve always been sensitive but jesus—“

“i guess that’s quite the perk then,” you tease, crawling back up the slowly until your clothes cunt is pressed over his slowly soften dick, “amongst others.”

“you sure it doesn’t gross you out?” eddie asks curiously, having been programmed to always think it does, needing to hear the words for reassurance.

you grind the soft fabric cover your hips over his cock, feeling the subtle pressure it applies and watching eddie wince from the overstimulation, chucking weakly.

“positive.” you smile, leaning forward to press a sweet kiss against his lips, quickly turned dirty from eddie’s obvious impatience, his tongue slipping into your mouth to taste a mix of you and himself, the tanginess strange but welcoming as you moaned into his mouth openly.

“about being inside you—“ eddie starts, speaking softly against your lips, “can i take you up on that?”

“i thought you’d never ask.”

and it’s safe to say that eddie never doubts himself again, learning just how beautiful every piece of him is.

#eddie munson smut #eddie munson #eddie munson headcanons #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson blurb #my writing

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ao3commentoftheday · 6 months

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What would you usually advise for an aspiring writer who just... Doesn't have a wide range of English vocabulary? :( I've never written anything yet but for many times in my life, I've been surrounded by literature and fanfiction that I feel at home with the topic. I have stories in mind for my fandoms that I wish that I can write. But the problem is-- English is not my first language. I worry that my dialogues or storylines may not sound appropriate if I ever write and it reaches audience outside my country. I also worry that my world knowledge and or social awareness may be so small that I may not make things... relatable. Do I need to read a lot before being able to start to write? Because I read somewhere that good writers are also wide readers.

I definitely agree that reading more (and reading broading across genres, cultures, and time periods) is a valuable way for a writer to spend their time. By reading, you become familiar with the components of writing and how to put them together. You get a feel for styles that really resonate with you and you also learn what kinds of writing you just don't really like much at all.

That said, I don't think you need to do all of your reading before you start writing. Watching a lot of youtube videos about swimming isn't going to do much for you until you actually get into a pool. Knowing the theory is only half of the battle. Being able to practice is important too.

Remember, you don't have to do it all in 1 story. You can start by writing things that are within your knowledge and when you're comfortable doing that, you can see if you enjoy researching too. If you do, then great! You've got more potential topics to write about. If you don't, that's great too! You get to dig in deeper on the themes and touchstones that you already know.

There's nothing shameful about getting really good at writing the same few things. No one ever asked Agatha Christie to stop writing about murder because she really should branch out.

Having simpler vocabulary is also nothing to be ashamed of - although based on your ask, I think you don't have anything to be worried about. For this, and for the other worries you've expressed, I recommend asking a friend (either in person or in fandom) to read over your work with you. A beta can be there to help with grammar and spelling, but they can also assist in developing ideas or identifying opportunities you have in your story. They can be a cheer reader or a sensitivity reader too.

When it comes to being relatable, just remember we're all human. We all live. We'll all die. We all feel happy and sad and angry and bored and hungry. A lot of us fall in love. A lot of us have caring families. Some of us are heartbroken for almost all of our lives. The city that we do it in or the workplace or the type of school doesn't matter. It's the experience part that's universal.

I'd love to hear from other authors who write in second (or third, etc) languages about your thoughts on this one. And for everyone else, please feel free to share your thoughts as well.

#asks and answers

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httpswritings · 3 months

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unable — Alexia Putellas x Reader

Warnings: mentions of past sexual abuse (not getting into detail of how that happened) and what it leads to for reader, therefore mentions of anxiety, fear to be touched, etc.

Word count: around 770

Summary: Second part of discovering true love. Alexia and reader get into a relationship together, and reader have the need to tell Alexia about her past. Alexia comforting reader.

A/N: I've already warned about these sensitive topics above, so please only read if you feel like you can.

After your conversation last week, Alexia had been educating herself about how you felt, how to behave so she could help you, and what the procedures were in case you experienced a panic attack or anything related.

Sometimes she felt awful for desiring you.

Her eyes wandered throughout your body, but she stopped when she noticed her arousal grow.

You were also struggling with your desire for her.

Craving her sexually, but being too afraid of the idea of sex was driving you mad.

Alexia was sweet. Her voice tone was delicate, and her laugh was adorable.

You noticed the way she avoided touching you, just in case you felt uncomfortable, and honestly, you were grateful she was being so considerate about it.

You two kept having conversations about different topics, including your past, to get to know each other.

As you saw Alexia interacting with friends and family, you noticed how much physical contact she held with everyone she was close to.

Some weeks passed by, and your trust in Alexia kept growing.

She didn't insist on you doing anything to or with her. There were no stolen kisses. No waist-grabbing. No second intentions.

Your girlfriend was respecting your boundaries, and for the first time in a really long time, you felt like you were being respected.

When Alexia was kissing you, her hands stayed on her waist.

It would probably look weird to someone who was not familiar with such a sensitive topic, but you appreciated Alexia's consideration, even if you knew she was craving some physical contact from you.

It wasn't until the third month of your relationship that you felt the desire to be touched while you were kissing.

The thought of it interrupted your make-out session, and you abruptly broke the kiss.

“There's nothing wrong, Ale. It's just... I want you to caress my waist, my hair, my cheek, anywhere that's not sexually intimate, while we kiss. Is that okay?”

“It's okay for me. Are you sure, princesa?”

Her face showed a worried expression, making you melt.

“I'm sure.”

You looked at your girlfriend, as you held both of her hands.

You placed her left hand on your waist, slightly reacting to the contact.

Alexia looked at you worriedly, but you assured her that you were okay.

Actually, you were a little bit uncomfortable.

Her hand stayed still, but the feeling of being touched grossed you out.

You didn't know how to explain what you were feeling.

Craving Alexia's touch, the desire to feel her hands throughout your body.

Feeling as if you wanted to throw up, your body unable to be relaxed.

Alexia noticed how your breathing increased, and she abruptly removed her hand.

“Talk to me, princesa. I need to be aware of what you're feeling so you're as comfortable as possible.”

Your shame only grew faster. Alexia was so caring and supportive of you, that you couldn't bear feeling so disgusted by her touch.

“I'm so sorry, Ale.”

She didn't understand what you meant, reassuring you that there was no rush in your process.

“No, I'm not referring to that. I feel like such a horrible person because you're trying to be as good as possible, and I can't do anything but feel disgusted. I feel like a failure. As if that person broke me when they did that to me. I'm so sorry you cannot experience a normal relationship, but—”

Alexia stood up. She wanted to get your attention as you were rambling, but she knew touching you was not an option.

“Listen to me. I love you, and I'll wait for you. I know that you feel disgusted, even when our arms are touching by accident. At first, it was hard. I'm not going to lie. But knowing that it is a common trauma response, I do not take it seriously. You're not broken, nor are you a failure. You're someone who is not only so strong, but who deserves time to heal. So again, I love you and I do not regret being your girlfriend. It's true that I'm sexually attracted to you, but that's not the only reason I love you. You're funny, caring, and intelligent. You have a great ability to memorize things; we share the same favorite book and the same love for football. I could spend hours talking with you about anything, and you know that I'm not a talkative person.”

You were left speechless by Alexia. You noticed how red her face was—not out of anger but carried by pure emotion.

You held her right hand and kissed it, unable to contain how moved you were by her words.

#alexia putellas imagine #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas #woso #woso imagine #woso x reader

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runningfrom2am · 11 months

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Protective!Rafe with Y/N saves her from her dad

tysm for requesting this!! i hope it’s what you pictured!!

too much to drink - (r.c)

tags/warnings: underage drinking, violence, abuse, drugging (not done by rafe), sexual content (implied, not explicit), strong language, slut-shaming/derogatory term (again, not by rafe)

pairing: rafe x reader

wc: 2.9k

note!!: this is like the darkest thing i’ve probably ever written, please PLEASE read the warnings and look out for yourselves, i know this carries some sensitive topics so if any of those things bother you PLEASE DONT READ THIS!! i care about you all and really want you to stay safe.

Midsummers comes and goes every year, and every year you have the most fun while hiding from the watchful eye of your dad, sneaking in a few (too many) drinks when you can, ever since you were fifteen. You and Sarah Cameron would rotate covering for each other, slipping away from the large groups of adults talking about business and boring nonsense to spend alone time with your boy of the month. You always looked forward to it.

This year, you're finally eighteen. Typically, girls your age would be making their debut with their summer flings, never lasting far into the fall- but since you just graduated, a serious relationship is far from your mind. You're having too much time seizing the day- carpe diem, or whatever that saying is. You've got your flask, and a nifty belt to attach it to your leg under your dress- courtesy of Sarah for your recent birthday. You're more than ready to seize your favourite holiday, the summer solstice.

You walk in with your family, and are almost immediately joined by the Cameron's- your standard routine. Your parents have always been close, your dad's in particular like to spend a lot of time together- allegedly working on some kind of big project, but neither one of them have ever spared a single detail as to what it is, despite it being years in the making.

"Y/N, Darling, you look stunning." Rose greets you with a hug and you smile, politely hugging her back and laughing a little bit as your families make similar greetings to one another.

"You're too kind, Rose. It's lovely to see you again." You grin as you pull away and she looks you over, rubbing your arm gently.

"Oh, nonsense. You look beautiful." She insists. "Rafe, don't you agree? Y/N looks amazing. This dress is something else!" She turns to her stepson, gesturing back at you.

"Mhm. That she does." He agrees flatly, taking a sip of his drink as he looks you up and down.

You blush only slightly, hoping your makeup covers it. You and Rafe had had a somewhat on-and-off thing going on for some time now, but not something you were ready to admit to either of your families. Occasionally going out for coffee, but mostly you would meet in private. It was awfully convenient for the two of you that your dads did so much work together, you always knew where both of them were, and could more or less run the other way.

"Rafe, take Y/N to grab a drink, yeah?" Rose suggests and he nods, holding his arm out to you. You smile as you take it, trying to avoid leaning too much into him considering your already tipsy state.

"You do look stunning." He leans in to whisper to you, making you blush furiously.

You lightly smack his chest. "Where are you taking me?" You giggle, following as he leads you past the bar in the crowd, in the general direction of the country clubs locker rooms.

"There's a bar back here, you didn't know? A private one, kind of a well-kept secret, you know." He smirks, looking down at you only briefly.

"Oh, of course." You agree, gently nudging his shoulder with yours. "Please, lead the way, Mister Cameron."

You make your way through the crowd, blissfully unaware of your father's eyes trailing you the whole way, a scowl on his face as he takes the first sip of his whiskey.

"Come on, we have time for one more- yeah?" Rafe asks against the skin of your neck, kissing it softly while you attempt to get your dress back on.

"We don't and you know that." You chuckle, pointing to the back of your dress where he stands behind you. "Zip?" You ask and he sighs, obliging and pulling the zipper up for you. You adjust the fabric where it sits around your waist, looking in the mirror briefly before turning around to face him.

Rafe is quick to settle his hands on your hips, pushing you gently back against the counter and pressing his lips to yours. It's gentle, this time, making you ponder the thought of maybe one-day making things official between you two- you'd be a fool to deny the feelings you have for him, and he would admit the same, but right now is just not a good time for either of you. That much goes unspoken.

"You're beautiful, you know." He mumbles, muffled by your lips against his. You giggle, draping your arms over his shoulders and playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"So I've been told." You reply quietly, pulling back a little to look him over, eyes inevitably locking with his. "You're not so bad yourself."

"So I've been told." He chuckles, mocking you as he presses another kiss to your lips.

"Alright, we really gotta go. We've disappeared long enough." You sigh, wiggling out of his grasp and ducking under his arm.

"Come find me later, yeah?" Rafe asks and you nod, humming your agreement as you step out of the locker room, doing your best to look around, feigning confusion in case someone sees you. Not like looking lost will truly work when you spend so much time in this country club recreationally.

You make your way to the bar and grab a soda, careful as you pull the slit of your dress to pour your liquor into it under the counter. You think you've succeeded, lifting the glass up as you turn around, looking to find your family again, or maybe Sarah.

Making small talk with people isn't your favourite thing, but it's always fun to catch up with other kids around your age, who you normally don't see so dressed up. Especially after a few drinks, and especially, kids you don't see so often. This is why your face just lights up with excitement when you see Pope Heyward. He's working the event, as usual, but he's always been kind to you- which you know isn't easy for him considering the treatment him and some of his friends get from other kooks.

"Pope!" You grin as you see him behind a counter in the corner, making him lift his head from what he was doing.

"Y/N! Hey! How's it going?" He asks, stepping around the counter as you hold out your arms for a hug.

"I'm so good.." You smile, swaying lightly with your arms around each other. "How are you, though? Tell me what's going on in your world!"

"Not much, just wrangling drunk girls tonight apparently." He chuckles, steadying you as you both let go of each other at the same time.

"Hey! I am not drunk, how dare you." You whisper, laughing and shoving his shoulder playfully.

"Oh, you? Never. Only everyone else." He nods, clearly not believing you anyway.

"I'm glad you agree." You take a step back to take the weight off one of your feet, wearing heels always has been a pain in the ass for you. You're about to say something else when you bump into someone, jumping a little as it startles you and their hand lands on your arm, steadying your glass for you.

"Hey, sweetheart." Your dad chuckles. "Didn't mean to scare you, I've got some friends who'd love to chat with you. Come with me." He says, quickly ushering you away and hardly sparing a glance at Pope. You look back over your shoulder at him, giving him an apologetic smile and a quick wave as your dad pushes you along.

It's not long before you're swaying on your feet, feeling a little lightheaded. You must have put too much vodka in your drink- which is unusual, you have a decently high tolerance.

You politely excuse yourself, making an effort to get to the bathroom. You suddenly really aren’t feeling well- and you need some space away from everybody else. The room spins around you and you hold your arms out to brace yourself on the nearest surface, the mumbling of people around you only echoing in your ears and you can’t make anything out. Your unsteadiness leads you to twisting your ankle in your platform heel, stumbling forward and someone catches you. Strong arms wrap around your back under your arms and hold onto your ribcage, trying to ease you down. They’re talking to you, but you can hardly make it out.

“Woah, woah- Y/N, are you okay?” Rafe’s voice is echoey, distant, even, and you try and nod.

“Yeah, yeah I just don’t feel too hot..” You mumble, tongue too thick for your mouth.

“Let’s get you some fresh air. Water, please.” Rafe snaps at a waiter walking by, lifting you up and getting you back on your feet.

“Rafe..” You try and speak, truly just surprised to see him. You don’t know why- you knew he was there.

“You’re okay, I’ve got you.” He says, taking the glass from the waiter who quickly returned and holding it up to your lips. Rafe knows he has to get you out of the public eye, and quickly- before your dad sees your state. He assumes you’re just way too drunk.

“Y/N, come on- I’ll take you home.” Your father is there suddenly, carefully but firmly taking you from Rafe’s grasp.

“Do you need help, Mr. Y/L/N?” He offers, your arm settling around your dads shoulder as Rafe stands there helplessly with your glass of water.

“I’ve got her, Rafe. You go have fun.” Your dad chuckles, nodding to the younger boy and carrying you toward the exit. Rafe knows there’s something not right about this- something off about the look in your fathers eye.

He lets him take you outside, deciding just to go and get another drink and send you a text. It’s your dad, for gods sake, he wouldn’t hurt you. As he stands by the bar, only for a few moments, he isn’t comfortable with his decision. He quickly abandons his drink, beelining straight for the door in quick strides, shoving it open and jogging out to the parking lot.

“I am sick of you coming to these networking events and embarrassing our family by throwing yourself at any boy who looks your way! Seriously, Y/N, no daughter of mine should be acting like this- like a damn whore!” Your dad is screaming at you now as you lean against the side of his car, holding onto it to stay upright. You’re hardly processing what he’s saying, tears streaming down your face regardless.

“Dad, wait- I didn’t, no, it’s not-“ You stammer, trying desperately to understand what you were trying to say.

“Don’t act like I don’t know! You’re lucky I even let you live under my roof after the rumours I’ve heard! I’m sick of you sneaking off to sleep with every boy on the island! I mean, pogues? Seriously? I’ve had enough.”

“I don’t-“ You try and protest, but your cut off with a hard smack across the face, leaving your ears ringing as your knees give out.

“Hey, hey- hey!” Rafe shouts, running up and shoving your dad back away from you, eyes dark with anger over what he’s just heard and seen. “Don’t touch her!” He stands between you and your dad, pushing him back again.

“Son, mind your business and get back inside. Now.” Your dad glares at him, pointing to the building.

“No. Absolutely not.” Rafe shakes his head in response. “I’m taking her home. You go back in and enjoy your stupid networking party.” He insists, turning to help you up as you reach out for him, still stunned.

“Jesus, Y/N/N..” He mutters, looking you over as he helps you get your bearings against the side of the truck. “What did you do to her?” He asks your father, looking at him with wide eyes.

“Rafe, leave.” Your dad chuckles a little, trying to save face as best he can. “She’s just had too much to drink- I’ll get her home and-“

“Did you drug your own daughter?” Rafe asks him, looking in disbelief between the two of you.

“When you have a daughter of your own you’ll understand. I did what I had to do to-“

“No, no way. That’s beyond fucked up.” Rafe scoffs, shaking his head as your dad keeps talking.

“To keep her from embarrassing this family even further.” He finishes saying, committing to the idea that what he did was right.

“Let’s go.. let’s just go…” You slur out, holding onto the side of the truck as you try and walk away.

Rafe shakes his head at your dad, backing away from him to get to you. As much as he wants to pummel him into nothing, it’s more important that he gets you somewhere safe.

“Y/N Y/M/N if you walk away right now don’t bother ever coming home!” Your dad shouts at you as Rafe gets to you, supporting you with an arm around your waist as he stares back at your dad. “You can kiss your trust fund goodbye! If you want to sleep with pogues you can live like one for all I care!”

Rafe bites his tongue as he guides you back to his own car, fishing in his pocket for the keys with his free hand. He gets you in the passengers seat and buckles you in as your head drops back against the headrest, hardly able to support its own weight.

“Y/N/N, hey, can you hear me?” Rafe asks, reaching up and grabbing your head gently to look at your cheek, checking for cuts or bruises. He frowns when he sees your cheek red and feels it burning under his fingers- it’ll have a nasty bruise tomorrow. He pulls out his phone and texts Sarah, telling her they have to go- right now. She had been looking for you most of the night too, surprised when you disappeared more than usual.

You just hum in response. You know you’re safe now, and you don’t have to exert as much energy to say anything at all.

“I’m gonna take you back to my house. We’ll get you cleaned up, and, uh, yeah. We’ll figure shit out.” He nods, more to himself than to you. He gently lets your head rest back and he shuts the door, seeing Sarah running over from the building, a confused and worried look on her face.

“What happened? Is that Y/N?” Sarah asks her brother, looking in the window.

“Yeah, her dad fucking drugged her. I walked out to him hitting her and yelling at her about shit that didn’t even happen.” He explains, opening the drivers side door.

“What? Oh my god.” Sarah replies, opening the back door and climbing in. “Oh my god, should we take her to the hospital?”

“I think she’s fine… Let’s just go back home and figure out what to do.” Rafe says, quickly starting the car and driving out of the lot being careful to avoid any potholes. He’s never driven so carefully.

Sarah helps carry you in, quick to grab water, some towels, and a bucket to place by your side of Rafe’s bed. It’s not likely to be pretty when you wake up. By the time you get back to Tannyhill, you’re hardly conscious, and Sarah has to hold every door for Rafe as he carries you in.

They don’t know what to do besides get you into bed when you get back to their house. Sarah helps you change into some of her pyjamas while Rafe decides to wait outside the door. He wishes he could get you something to eat, watch a movie together, do something normal, but you can hardly keep your eyes open. It would honestly surprise him if you knew where you were.

“What do we do?” Sarah whispers to him as he walks back in, both of them standing over you passed out in his bed.

“I don’t know.” Rafe mumbles, shaking his head. He can’t take his eyes off you.

“Should we call the cops?”

“They wouldn’t do shit. They’re as much in Y/D/N’s pocket as they are dads.”

“Well, we can’t take her home.” Sarah thinks out loud. “I don’t know how long she can stay here, dad will take his side for sure. I could bring her to John B’s tomorrow?”

“No.” Rafe shuts that idea down. “I’ll figure it out… You go to bed, Sare.”

“You can’t protect her here, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Then I’ll leave too. Get us our own place, I don’t give a fuck.”

“What? You guys aren’t even official- how do you think she’ll feel about moving in with you?”

“We’ll figure it out, okay? Just leave us alone. Please.” He sighs, rubbing the sides of his head. He doesn’t know what to do. He really doesn’t. All he knows is that he has to keep you safe.

Sarah rolls her eyes at him and leaves, giving you a worried glance over her shoulder before shutting the door quietly behind herself.

Rafe crawls in bed next to you after taking his suit off, watching you sleep and trying to pretend everything is normal; trying to pretend that he was allowed to bring you home after Midsummers because this is where you wanted to be.

You look so peaceful, but as the bruise starts to develop on the normally soft and unscathed skin of your cheek, Rafe dreads having to explain what happened to his parents in the morning. He doubts anyone will even believe him.

taglist: @bookishbabyyy @madelynie , @mutual-mendes , @slut4drudy , @winterrrnight , @totalswag, @sadfury @fullfledgedemo @rafemotherfuckingcameron , @urfaveluvr , @chenslucy , @hxnnah-397, @s-we-e-t-t-ea

#obx fanfic #rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe fic #rafe fanfiction #rafe cameron x reader #rafe x you #rafe x y/n #rafe imagine #rafe x reader #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x kook!reader

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whimsicalpoet44 · 2 years

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Placements that I think are tough to have & why.

Here's more astrology observations.

**These aren't bad placements. Every placement has positives/negatives to them. I just find these placements to be quite challenging and can take more effort or intentionality than others to work through**

4th House Aries (Especially in the IC): The fourth house is the house of family/home. Aries in the fourth can indicate a really difficult childhood, particularly when it's related to the mother. They may have had a parent that was really impulsive or aggressive that made them responsible for their emotions. As a result, emotional regulation may be something they struggle with and expressing their emotions can make them feel vulnerable. Aries IC can indicate that there's a lot of generational trauma left over from their ancestors that they're having to undo. Positives? They can make quick decisions when necessary and can take charge of family matters with ease.

8th House Placements: The 8th house rules death, re-birth, long term investments, and transformation. That's a lot of heavy themes in one house. They may struggle with loss/grief in more than one area of your life. They say 8th house placements are like a Phoenix - constantly burning themselves down to emerge anew. That can be quite exhausting. I also find that 8th house placements cause an unbalance in personal power. They may spend a majority of their life figuring out how to balance energies. Positives? They make great psychologists, they're super analytical, and they aren't afraid to broach topics others may stray from.

Capricorn/Aquarius Rising: Two words: Saturn ruled. Self reliance can be a good thing, but these placements are often forced to take care of themselves from a young age. Saturn is the planet of restrictions, self-discipline, and self-sufficiency. Often times, our lessons in Saturn are things we must learn alone. Saturn ruled charts have this energy times ten. They face a lot of lessons throughout life. The positives? Natural leaders, persistent, and capable of achieving just about anything they set their mind too, because Saturn has shown them that they can do it alone.

Scorpio Rising: They're ruled by Pluto - the planet of death/re-birth/transformation (much like the 8th house). Saturn ruled charts and Pluto ruled charts have a lot in common. Scorpio Risings are often used to bring about change in different settings. The theme of their life is often growth and transformation - at any expense. They're very private and they trigger others very easily. They may find it difficult to open up to others and may feel a general distrust of others as a whole. They can feel chronically misunderstood. The positives? Literal human lie detector and extremely intuitive.

5th House Chiron: Chiron is the thing we have trouble healing in ourselves, but what we can do a great job healing in others. The fifth house is the house of the inner child/creativity/hobbies/joy. They can be insecure about their creative ability and have a huge lack of joy. This can be traced back to childhood. Someone could have told them they couldn't do something or that they were bad at a particular skill. They second guess themselves a lot as a result. They can also experience a ton of guilt and shame for being happy or having fun. The positive? They can inspire others to be creative when they heal.

Moon Conjunct Saturn: Saturn wants to discipline. The moon wants to nurture. They can feel intense feelings of shame/guilt from reflecting on ways they behaved in the past. It's also an indictor of a harsh childhood and they can internalize their parents wishes/dreams as their own (Saturn = Father | Moon = Mother). There's a constant fear of never reaching their full potential and they can often avoid rest because they don't feel like they're being productive. They also take life really seriously and they're super sensitive. (Remember that sensitivity isn't always bad thing.) The positives? They have a lot of discipline surrounding their emotions and they have a great sense of humor (probably from the trauma).

Aquarius Sun: They don't like being told what to do or think (which can be good), but they can often stay rooted in their old beliefs if they feel someone is pushing their opinions onto them (even though they insist that they're open minded). They can also sometimes end up stuck in a harmful belief system if they feel it's not the norm so they can retain their "unique" persona, rather than actually ask themselves what they believe. (Literally every Aquarius man I've encountered, but this can manifest in anyone with an Aquarius sun). They love people as a whole, but struggle with people on an individual level. They think more in a big picture way, but struggle with the small picture. They can also see everything that needs to be fixed in society, but struggle with the fact that they cannot fix it (leaving them feeling powerless.) The positives? They're unique. They're comfortable with the unusual. They stay true to themselves and who they are.

Gemini Anything: GEMINIS: you are only on this list because of the stigma that follows Gemini's. If you google the most hated sign, you'll get Gemini. Being a Sagittarius, I freaking love Geminis. But they have such a stigma. They can sometimes be impulsive, inconsistent, or indecisive. They also hate routine. I think this is how they get the stigma, because most people have a narrow minded view of how these can present. The positives? They have great charisma and they're usually artistic. They're witty, curious, funny, and passionate. (This is a Gemini love post, let's be honest.) Do some Gemini's present in the stereotypical way? Sure. But I find that many write off all Gemini's and develop a fulfilling prophecy about their intentions.

#astrology observations #astro observations #astrology #scorpio rising #aries astrology #gemini #aquarius #5th house #chiron #capricorn rising #aquarius rising

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crepezinhos · 28 days

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As Long as You’re Here.

(REQUEST #1: Xiao Smut)

POV: You (Adepti) and Xiao are companions. You work as a medical scientist and an emergency doctor, so Xiao is commonly your patient and test subject (with consent of course). But even if you’ve saved thousands of lives, the fashion culture in Liyue is very strict with weigh and you were recently humiliated in a dress store because of your chubby body. But unfortunately, you can’t hide your tears from Xiao’s ears.

⚠️ WARNINGS:

— This is an angsty NSFW piece

— Contains sensitive topics about self imagery

— Contains fat-shaming insults

— Reader uses SHE/HER pronouns

You gently closed the door behind you.

Sigh.

You are a good person, you know? You are such a good person that you still hadn’t realized that Liyue’s beauty standards are toxic enough to cut through the line of respect between mere humans and the Adepti until now.

You just wanted to try out the beautiful red cheongsam (I just searched up a traditional Chinese dress I’m not sure if this accurate) you saw in a store’s display case. But instead, you got fat-shamed by an employee and giggled at by the customers nearby.

“Hey, you.” You heard a voice behind you, tapping you by your shoulder.

“Yes?” You answered gently, turning backwards to face the lady behind you.

“Do you wanna buy that dress?” She asked a little frustrated, which made you realize just how frowned her eyebrows were.

“Yes! I think it looks beautiful! I’ve been thinking about this dress for some days now and I think I want to use it in this year’s Lantern Ri—”

“It’s not for sale.” The lady interrupted.

“Oh… really? But it’s in the store’s display… and it has a price tag…” You argued, still with a sweet voice.

“Yeah, I know. It’s just not for sale for people like you.” She shamed, looking you up and down.

“You mean… Adepti..?” You asked, genuinely confused with what she said.

“No. Pigs.” She answered with a certain disgust of you. She knew you were an Adeptus and still called you a pig for no good reason at all.

“Oh…” You went silent for some seconds, unsure of what to say to make the moment less awkward. “Is there any way I can request the same dress but in a size that fits me?” You asked nicely, but the lady only chuckled.

“Are you kidding? Do you want to get me fired? It would be a shame for us to have our brand printed in such a dress!” She screamed at you, genuinely offended by your offer.

“Oh, ok...” You said, now with nothing to say or offer at all.

“Now leave before you get in more trouble.” She demanded, pointing to the exit behind her.

“Ok…”You accepted, beginning a slow rhythm while looking at the floor with shame.

And as you walked away, you noticed that most of the customers in the store around were staring at you, either giggling or gossiping with their company.

“Did she really think she could buy that dress?” You heard one of the many comments slightly echo in your ear.

You felt a tear rolling down your face. You were really trying to believe the lady hadn’t recognized you, but it wouldn’t make what she said any better. It wasn’t the first time this kind of situation happened to you but… it seems that you’ve reached your limit.

Another tear rolled down, and then another one, and then another one. Some slight hiccups started to escape your mouth. You wanted to hold them up, you wanted to believe that it didn’t matter and that you loved yourself just the way you are. So you slowly leaned your head to the floor, challenging your own eyes to look at yourself.

It was useless. It was so useless that it only worsened your mood. More tears begun to run down and more sounds started to escape your mouth. You were quick in shutting yourself, covering your mouth by sticking your hand palm in it and kneeling down to call less attention from whoever. Everyone knew you as this intelligent and prodigious Adeptus who had perfected the art of healing, who always had a solution for the ill, who would spend most of your days searching for a medicine for theEleazar… you couldn’t cry for such a weird and stupid reason, not at all. Everyone who saw that scene of you would be ashamed.

“What’s wrong?” You suddenly heard a male voice coming from behind you, making you immediately get up in fear.

You met Xiao’s figure, standing pretty far from you with his usual stoic face and arms crossed.

“Y-Yaksha Xiao?! W-Wha… what are you doing in here?! How did you get in?!” You asked confused by his sudden presence, discounting some of your emotions in him.

“Why are you crying?” He asked, ignoring your previous questions. His gaze was locked so deep in you that it seemed like a threat to you.

You didn’t understand his presence there, nor felt comfortable to answer his question.

“Doesn’t matter… you should go back to—” You attempted answering, avoiding eye contact with him while holding up some tears, but your act was quickly shut down.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me.” He demanded beginning to step closer to you.

He was walking slowly, but since each step of his made the wood planks of the floor crank, it became twice as menacing as before. You felt afraid, like he was going to hurt your vulnerable self at that moment if you didn’t confess.

Why the fuck is he trying to get an answer out of you like he was going to kill you if you didn’t?

“Yaksha Xiao… please—” You tried fighting his presence back after feeling he had crossed your line of personal space by stepping backwards, but your ankles immediately hit the door behind you. And as soon the bang echoed, Xiao slammed the door using his both his hand by the sides of your shoulders and kept them there.

You were cornered.

“Tell me.” He demanded, still staring at the bottom of your soul.

You remained silent. You weren’t understanding him at all. Why was he there, out of everyone that could appear to comfort you? Yaksha Xiao was nothing more than a rude colleague. He’d barely ever appear at meetings at the lake in Mount Aozang, only those who were work related. Most of your few interactions with that man were short and awkward because he never seemed to enjoy talking with you or anybody, no matter how kind you or anyone was to him. You understood that he went and still goes through a lot of agony and grief, so you tried being friendly to him. He seemed to notice your change in behavior towards him, but still didn’t collaborate at all, even if you spent hours taking care of his wounds and sealing karmic debt inside him, he would not even say “thank you” and disappear of your sight as soon as you turned your back to him.

“It’s nothing… I— wait… how did you even know I was crying..?” You asked between some tears, finally finding courage to stare at his amber eyes.

He went silent for some seconds, but his face was still as stoic as a rock.

“I was nearby and my hearing is great.” He answered neutrally.

“Oh… well…” You sighed, forgetting his intentions with you for a brief moment.

“Tell me.” He demanded again.

“It’s nothing, okay? I just… feel overwhelmed because of something that happened at work today…” You confessed a part of the story, lying about working.

“And what happened today?” He asked.

Was he really going to make you answer it all?

“Yaksha Xiao, I believe you’re crossing a huge line of privacy and respect right now.” You said angrily to him, trying your best to not blow up. His insistence was very annoying, especially when you were having a very private moment.

But incredibly, he obeyed you and stepped away. You cleaned up the wet in your face and he watched it all, unsure of what to do as his fists gripped themselves harder and harder.

“I’m… sorry.” Xiao muttered when you made the final wipe in your left cheek.

“No, no… it’s ok… I just… didn’t expect you to show up.” You replied, crossing your arms and avoiding eye contact.

“Why?” He asked, genuinely confused.

“Well… we aren’t friends.” You said, chuckling afterwards to make it seem less rude.

“We… aren’t..?” He asked, barely sounding like a whisper.

“We barely talk to each other. I mean… you barely talk to me, because I always make sure to talk to you.” You confessed, a little stressed and sighed afterwards, realizing you were simply making the situation more awkward and harder on you than it was.

“Sorry, I don’t really have time for conversations.” He explained himself, finally looking away from you.

“Yeah… right.” You scoffed, accidentally sounding higher than you wanted it to be.

The entire place went quiet for some awkward seconds, like the whole city had gone quiet.

…

Why isn’t he leaving? Isn’t this awkward to him?

…

“How was your day?” Xiao asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Why are you asking?” You asked, stressed at his insistence.

“You always told me about your day when you took care of me.” He said, accidentally triggering all the anger you kept to yourself.

“BECAUSE THINGS WOULD GET TOO AWKWARD IF I KEPT QUIET!” You blowed up, making Xiao slightly shiver and the ambient go quiet again.

You sighed and put your hands in your front hair and pushing it backwards trying to get some air.

During that, you accidentally glanced at him for a quick moment and realized that he seemed weirdly nervous, like a hurt person would be. You sighed again, ashamed and regretful for saying such a mean thing to him. He was just trying to help you.

“I’m sorry. I’ll be going now.” He said before turning his back to you and stepping forward a few times.

“Wait!” You screamed, making him instantly stop his attempt on teleportation. “Listen I… I just feel bad, ok? I didn’t even go to work today… I was hanging around and I went to this dress store, and then one of the employees said they’d never sell a dress to a person like me.” You finally confessed the realest truth, feeling your voice break again with the will of crying.

“A person like you?” He asked, turning only his face to you.

“A fat person, Yaksha Xiao.” You answered, feeling a tear again at calling yourself fat.

Xiao turned his face back, staring at the balcony of your home for some seconds.

“Humans… you shouldn’t listen to them. You’re not fat.” He said, turning his whole body to you.

“It’s kinda hard to not listen when they call you a pig…”

“A pig?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re not a pig. You’re an Adeptus. How dare they call you that?” He said, angrier this time since you specified what you’ve been called.

“I don’t know, Xiao. I really don’t know.” You said before Xiao put his hands on the door and cornering you against it again.

“Don’t give it attention, you’re perfectly beautiful the way you are.” He confessed his thoughts to you instinctually, but instantly swallowed some saliva afterwards from the regret of saying that.

“You think I’m beautiful..?” You asked, genuinely taken aback from hearing someone like Xiao calling you that.

“I…” He mumbled, trying to regain his composure but couldn’t find a way to. So he stood quietly for some seconds while staring at you. “Yes. Yes I do.”

“Oh… thank you.” You thanked embarrassed.

“You still seem sad.” He argued.

“Well… that’s because as long as I’m thankful for your kindness, it just won’t help at all.” You explained, crossing your arms and looking away.

“Why?”

“Because people only say it to me when I’m crying over it. It’s never in a common day or a new dress, y’know?”

“But I’m being genuine.” He said, feeling offended by your accusation.

“That’s also what they say to me…”

“But the difference is that I like you way more than anyone does! Ganyu, Shenhe, Cloud Retainer, Rex Lapis… they feel nothing for you compared to me!” Xiao finally bursted.

“You… what..?” You asked, very surprised at what he said.

“You have no idea how good it is for me to wake up in a warm bed with all wounds covered up, with no headaches and a nice lady talking to me about her day after a terrible day full of fighting, blood and gore! Sorry if I was inconvenient to you before, but I want to change! I hate to admit it but you make me feel things I haven’t felt in ages, and I don’t want you to think I don’t feel it! It pains me that you care more about what humans say to you than all the Adepti and me at this moment!” He screamed, finishing like he still had more to say.

You just stood there.

…

Wow.

Was that really Yaksha Xiao..? It couldn’t be.

He had a crush on you?!

“Oh.” That was all you could find to say.

He didn’t like how you were quiet towards his confession, so he suddenly leaned forward and glued your lips together. You didn’t really have a reaction, you just let him explore your mouth until you finally felt yourself being dragged into the heat of it. And when you did, your heart seemed to melt, feeling his previous words finally hit you. The sympathy you felt for him grew in that same minute. A thing you’d never expect someone like Xiao could do to a person that quick.

Tears begun to form in your eyes again. All the sadness you were keeping inside you, seemed to have find the perfect opportunity to get out. The more you accepted the kiss, the further he pushed your head to the door and his tongue inside your shaky mouth. It seemed like Xiao was sucking all of it outside you and it was working so well that it made moan for the first time in many years. Even if he was doing well, air isn’t infinite.

He parted away from your face and both of you begun to recover from the overuse of oxygen while staring at each other.

“What about now?” He asked between some heavy breathes.

“I…” You mumbled, embarrassed about what you two were doing.

But you wouldn’t mind if he went on. Right?

Xiao was a beautiful guy in the end of the day and now revealed to be in love with you.

Your hands moved to his face and pulled him for another kiss. This time he was being more competitive for power of the kiss because of the way you controlled his face with your hands. Xiao also unexpectedly changed his hands’ position to your crotch, sliding them under your dress and touching your clothes clit. You didn’t expect him to advance that quick and intimately, so you pushed him away from your mouth.

“W-Wait..!” You said, expecting him to ignore you, which didn’t happen.

“Yes?” He asked.

“Are you… I mean, are we going to…” You tried asking but the embarrassment didn’t allow you to.

“Do you want to?” He answered, staring at you. You noticed his eyes seemed to be more hungry than before.

“I mean… are you sure..?”

“Yes. Are you sure?”

“I…” You mumbled before you felt your clit slightly ache like it wanted that touch again. “Do it again… please.” You asked, moving your hand to the tip of your dress and pulling it up slightly, still not showing your underwear to his eyes.

Xiao slightly chuckled. You’ve never heard him make that sound and definitely was surprised to see him do it for such a weird reason. But his hands quickly reoccupied your mind with his two longest fingers beginning to rub your clothes clit up and down repeatedly. Your legs would flinch whenever he decided to scissor and press your clit with the same fingers. Your hands were in the wall, trying to contain yourself from crumbling down.

“You’re wet.” Xiao commented back with his stoic face as he gently pressed your entrance.

You moaned, smashing his perverted hand with your shaky legs when he begun to try thrusting you.

“X-Xiao~!” You called out his name in pleasure.

Xiao growled, like he had really liked what he had just heard.

“I want you all for myself.” He demanded, ignoring your calls and shoving his head on your neck.

His mouth begun to lick and smooch your soft skin and fragile bones as you did your best to not press his fluffy hair too hard and crumble in his single hand holding your buttock. Even if he wasn’t making direct contact with your pussy, you were feeling desperate with that overwhelming pleasure he tortured you with.

“D-Don’t you want to do it in another place or position?!” You suggested, trying to hold his wrist and pushing his head away from your now marked neck.

“I don’t have much time.” He answered, obeying your wishes, but beginning to undo his pants.

“But I weigh a lo—!”

“I’ve carried heavy things my entire life. You will definitely not be a problem.” He said, pulling your legs up, making your whole body hanged in his hands.

You screamed in surprise but let yourself fall and be hanged. Your legs naturally spread away from each other due to the position, opening a way for him to get closer.

And as he stepped those extra steps, one of his hands moved to your hips, pulling your torso closer to him. You looked down and realized he already had himself positioned between your legs.

“Are you ready? I promise I’ll be quick.” He asked looking at you deep, shameless of the moment.

“Do it~...” You asked, putting a hand on top of your mouth to cover your red, vulnerable face a little.

“I will. You don’t have to worry.” Xiao answered while grabbing the wrist of the hand that dared to go in front of your mouth.

You felt his hands move down to grab a piece of your underwear and pull it away, making your bare pussy show up. You begun to feel the tip of his dick making contact with your your entrance, unintentionally feeling the stickiness of your pussy contaminating his tip, beginning to fill you up. And after admiring the view for some seconds, he finally pushed his way inside you very slowly. Your first reaction was to squirm and scream as you felt your walls spread a way for him while Xiao simply hissed in relief. He shortened the distance between you two, laying his head on your neck again to stimulate you with his mouth as he finally begun to move his hips back and forth slowly. You hugged his back, trying to contain the slight pain of having sex after many years. Your nails instinctually pierced and scratched his skin to firm yourself better, causing him to hiss and grip harder on your buttocks as he felt them go deeper and deeper.

“S-Sorry, I—” You tried apologizing between moans.

“It’s ok, discount it all on me.” He ordered, breathing on your neck hard.

You felt two tears form in each eye. The comfort Xiao’s words were making you feel weird, but somehow so good. Your shoulders and hips relaxed to tense up the grip of your nails in his clothed back while Xiao took it like it was nothing.

“Why do you even bother listening to what mere humans have to say about you..? You could wipe the entire city if you wanted to, yet, they have no sense of respect…” He whispered angrily in your ear, discounting his own anger on you as well.

It looked like he was drunk, but Xiao was just burning in the passion and of the situation. He already disliked humans, but their audacity never failed to make his blood boil.

“I don’t want to ever see you crying over what pesky humans say about you and your body, ok? If you don’t defend yourself, they’ll only continue… because they believe you are hurt. You don’t want that, do you?” He asked, covering most of his moans and gasps in the process to make his message more obvious. His eyes wouldn’t move away from yours, trying to get the answer he wanted out of your mouth.

“No… no I don’t..!” You gathered all your energy to scream something to him.

“And if you can’t defend yourself, call our my out my name. A whisper or a finger snap is enough.” He ordered, still in his angry mood.

“I will… I will..!” You threw your head to the air as Xiao pulled your hips closer to his, increasing the amount of total length his dick reached inside you. If you two were in another position, he would be easily reaching your cervix with each thrust.

“Good.” He said before putting his tongue on your neck again and beginning to accelerate his rythym.

Your noises got higher because of those two last decisions of Xiao and your back arched to the core. Your womb also began to slightly ache in a good way, wanting Xiao even more. Your legs moved to tangle your feet together and hug Xiao’s waist to pull his hips closer to you. It worked. Now the tip of his dick could kiss your cervix. The touch was minimum, you could barely feel it sometimes, which made it just more tortuous to you.

You closed your mouth to gather some air to speak what you had in mind.

“Xiao..! I think I’m close~!” You screamed, using all the air you’ve gathered in those seconds.

His pace got even faster, searching more of your pleasure than his own.

“You are, huh? Tell me how you want this.” He whispered in your ear, licking the lobe afterwards.

“Faster~! Faster~!” You asked, trying to not sound as demanding as Xiao.

Xiao didn’t even say anything, he just quickened his pace to the max he could, making you throw your head to the air in ecstasy.

“Oh, archons~! Archons~!” You screamed, feeling your womb ache more and more with the closure of your climax.

And suddenly, both of you felt your orgasm coming all the way down, making both of you stop everything immediately to feel the moment. Your legs shook non-stop and Xiao was doing his best to keep your hips in the same place. He was very sweaty and gasping but his facial expression was incredibly neutral. He hadn’t even tried reaching his orgasm, so he had no much pleasure to express at that moment rather than having his cock warmed by your sticky, tight walls.

As soon as your legs stopped twitching and your body could relax after the orgasm, your eyes closed, completely exhausted. Xiao pulled you away from the wall and begun walking as he changed the way he carried you to a princess style. You didn’t care where he took you, you just wanted to rest after a noon of many emotions and sex. You suddenly felt body lay down and slightly sink at a very soft place, your own bed. You opened your eyes to see what had happened to you and saw Xiao pulling the sheets of your bed to the height of your chest.

“Tell me, which store was it?” He asked you like nothing had happened, looking at your eyes as he finalized the job of comforting you in the bed.

You breathed in and out using your mouth some more times before finding the courage and air to tell him the store’s name.

“Huai Dei… it was the Huai Dei store.” You answered, now a little less more rested and normal.

“I hope it’s not your favorite store.” He said, before finally walking away from you to the balcony and teleporting somewhere you didn’t know.

You stared at the spot where he last stepped for some seconds before turning your head to the roof again and closing your eyes slowly.

#genshin impact #genshin smut #smut #genshin xiao #xiao x reader #genshin x reader

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wrathofrats · 2 months

Note

Sits down cross legged on the floor

Consider; raindrop fucking, lazy and kinda casual about it while just musing about how badly they both wanna get their hands on the new bug. Phantoms so cute and sweet - Rain knows he'd be such a good boy, wants to prove it but Dew is convinced he's absolutely got a bit of a brat inside of him.

Dew wonders if he's weird like Aether and likes to play with his magic, Omega certainly did...Is it just a quint ghoul thing to be a freak??

Rain asks if his dick would be bigger than Dew's (Dew tries to pretend he's offended as if he doesn't share the same sentiment)

Just slightly provoking each other, a little bit of possessiveness hidden in there somewhere, while they talk absolutely nasty about Phantom...idk!

Is this smthn-

-Void

I’m honored I’ve finally been given raindrop writing privileges I hope I did them justice I know how important those freaks are to you

1.6k of exactly what it says on the tin folks. Warnings for degro, size shaming, mentions of physical punishments like bruises and blood, they’re a bunch of possessive freaks.

Ok have fun

Dew reeks of sweat and smoke.

His forehead is shiny, golden hair sticking to it as he tips his head back to allow Rain to suck on the sensitive skin of his neck. They exchange heat in this position, Rain sat in his lap nestled comfortably on his cock while Dew massages his hips. He gets hotter the longer they sit, no real urgency to either of their movements, Dew would gladly burn if it meant being able to continue touching Rain like he’s a deity who has given him the grace of his skin against his own.

“Haven’t you noticed how he looks at us firefly?”

The words barely register in Dew’s brain as Rain lifts up off of his throat to speak coherently. Rain grinds his hips back lightly, causing Dew to suck in a deep breath. His grip tightens as he finally looks back up at Rain with a confused look.

“Who?”

“Phantom. Have you been listening to me or do I need to get up?” Rain sighs while Dew digs his nails into his hips, mumbling out a couple breathy protests.

“I’m listening I promise I- we’ve just been here for hours Rain cloud”

It had been more like an hour. The passage of time slowing as Rain moves at his own leisure. A casual pace to the roll of his hips even as Dew attempts to move them faster. Rain had already soaked the sheets below them anyways, can’t help himself, but Dew’s eyes cross every time Rain sits back to add another comment about whatever he had decided was the topic of conversation.

“Could get up if you’re not feeling it, thought you enjoyed it when I sit sweetly in your lap. Thought you wanted something pretty to look at”

“I do baby-“

“Then stop complaining”

Dew lets out another breath he didn’t know he was holding. He readjusts them in an attempt to relieve something about their position. At least enough that he can focus on what Rain is saying to him.

“Anyways, Phantom just looks so sweet doesn’t he? Probably would drop to his knees in the common room if we asked him” Rain repeats, a soft hand caressing Dew’s chin to force his gaze. He studies Dew’s eyes for any hint that he’s not fully with him, enamored with the way his pupils dilate. Finally Dew rolls his eyes and bats Rain’s hand away, grumbling about how he’s still there.

“You really think that freak is obedient?”

“More obedient than you are” Rain chides “besides, if he listens when you send him on stupid errands to annoy Swiss, I wonder what else we could make him do.”

Phantoms eyes spark when he sees Dew and Rain. A mischievous glint that has Rain wanting to drag him between them and use him as they please. A finger beckoning him over, pointing at the floor, hell Dew barely had to motion to the stage before Phantom had eagerly dropped to his knees while on tour. Something Dew has not forgotten, or let Rain forget.

“I’ve heard the opposite. Swiss gets chatty when he’s high” Dew snickers. There’s a hint of jealousy to his voice as Rain praises the new summon while seated on his cock. A petulant tone that only makes Rain bite his lip in curiosity.

“Is that so?”

“Said he’s a fucking brat, that he’s got an awful mouth on him” Dew groans as Rain bounces lightly just to hear that tone of his go breathy again.

“Well considering how often I let you get away with it, I’m not concerned”

Rain adjusts again with a wicked look. He loves watching the cocky attitude in Dew melt away as he clenches down on his cock. Dew is adorable when he’s jealous, Rain could work him up for hours if he didn’t think Dew may burn down the abbey about it.

“He’s greedier than you are princess, Swiss could spank the stupid toy raw and he would beg for more”

“Guess I enjoy the challenge. Swiss encourages the bratting though and you of all ghouls should know that”

More than once had Swiss worked Dew up enough to get smoke coming out of his ears. Laughing in his face before sending him back to Rain covered in bruises after taunting the one ghoul who usually couldn’t control himself. Always quiet and docile, but they all knew the work it took to get him there. Swiss dishes his punishments hard, that fucking sadist, purely encouraging a bad habit so he can have his own fun.

"Sometimes Swiss has to subdue him with quintessence just to get him to shut his mouth. Poor thing will apparently just talk and babble until he's fucked stupid"

Oh that idea intrigues Rain more than it should. The idea of Phantom being so loud and disobedient that even Swiss can't handle him sometimes? He licks his lips, quickening his pace bouncing up and down on Dew just thinking about it. His thoughts are awful really, the terrible sadistic part of him wondering if he could get Phantom to submit without having to use magic.

He knows how hard Swiss can go, he's left plenty of cuts and bruises on Rain to make that point clear. But Rain wonders if Phantom will allow him to go harder.

“I think we could take him firefly. Could just tie him up until he wants to be good if the bug gets out of hand.” Rain muses. Dew pants and curses beneath him, trying to grab at Rain to slow him down.

“Fuck baby-“ Dew moans. There’s an internal debate of whether or not to force him to still his hips, loving the way he looks bouncing up and down. His dark hair framing his face as he tilts his head back blissed out on Dew’s cock, small tits bouncing slightly, he looks ethereal like this and if Dew wasn’t about to completely ruin the moment he would've been more than grateful to continue to watch.

There’s a small pause that lingers in the air as Rain finally stills. He leans forward into Dew’s chest against, panting right by his ear.

“Hope he’s a bit nasty for us, hope he makes me fucking claw at his skin until he sobs. Get him real marked up and docile, see a bruised bloody thing at our feet hanging onto our every word” Rain huffs, breathy and a cocky lit to his voice that has Dew whimpering at the idea. One of Rain’s claws drags down the side of Dew’s abdomen for emphasis as he just nods and gasps at the sting.

“Do you think he’s got that awful quint trait of being a fucking freak with his magic? Do you think he uses it to get what he wants?” Dew screws his eyes shut as Rain clenches down on him again. Omega certainly has an awful streak of using his magic to his advantage, they’re sure that’s how aether got to be so bad. Just a taste of power and Dew’s convinced the kid will be hooked. Will play dirty just to get a cock in him.

“I think we can make a sweet boy out of Phantom. Won’t need any magic to get what he wants if he listens”

“And how do you expect to do that?”

Rain smiles almost maliciously at Dew, his sharp teeth almost reflecting the low light in the room. A sweet hand comes to caress the side of his face, a stark contrast to the filth Dew knows Rain is thinking.

“Oh I was hoping you’d be a bit generous droplet, I was thinking I could offer him the opportunity to fuck my cunt if he’s a good boy. Maybe if you’re good too you can watch”

Dew practically growls, “Id just have to fuck you afterwards. He can’t fuck you like I can, would love to see him try though”

“Oh is that so? You don’t think he’s bigger than you are?” Rain reaches below him to grab at Dew’s cock, showing how easily it slips out when he’s not actively grinding down on it

Shame burns in Dew’s gut, his face going bright red seeing how Rain’s fist almost covers him completely. A spurt of pre dribbles down his fist only adding to the embarrassment, not only feeling of seeing Rain actively coo over how small he is, both of them knowing how aroused it makes Dew.

“Shut up” he grits.

“Seen and heard a couple things that tell me otherwise. I think he could fill me up nicely” Rain sits back on Dew’s cock again, tsking in mock disappointment. He reaches down to rub between his folds, biting his lip as he circles lightly on his clit. Dew can see how wet he is, more slick leaking out of him as he touches himself.

“That’s even if I let him near you. Don’t even want him to look at your pretty cunt, should be all mine”

Rain spreads himself at the words, two fingers showing off his pink little clit, completely engorged. Strings of his own arousal connect his fingers as he shows himself off. Dew wants to drool, to beg to get his mouth on him. Needing the salty, heady taste of Rain on his tongue.

“Don’t get jealous on me now. Besides, you’re not in charge Dewdrop” Rain sneers.

Dew whines, Rain’s hand coming to wrap lightly around his throat. A final grasp at power that Rain knows will leave him helpless and quiet for him.

“If you’re so jealous I could just have you both fuck me. Get both of your little cocks in me and see if It even stretches me out. Sure mountain or aether is bigger than you two combined, would be a really sweet sight to watch you two try though.”

#I hope I made u proud #cw degradation #cw humiliation #the band ghost #ghost #nameless ghouls #ghost bc #fanfic #wrath writes #phantom ghoul #rain ghoul #dewdrop ghoul

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writing-for-life · 2 months

Text

Right, okay, I’ve thought long and hard whether to write this:

A squick (even a strong one) is not the same as a trigger.

Emotional discomfort, even emotional discomfort that leads to low-level physical symptoms like e.g. mild nausea, is not trauma. Unfortunately, TikTok pop psych has done nothing to help people understand the difference, because the trend to perceive (even strong) emotional discomfort as equivalent to a trauma response is worrying and neither helps people with nor without PTSD. I don’t wish it on anyone to actually find out the difference if they haven’t yet (disclaimer, since this is unfortunately necessary these days because everything gets misconstrued: I am not talking about individual experiences, because only you can know about those. I’m talking about wider trends in an often young audience with not enough background info to be able to tell apart sound medical/psychological info and viral BS created by “influencers” for some kind of personal gain).

What people in the current fandom spat want to have tagged as “triggers” are overwhelmingly squicks. And we’re probably all guilty of quickly saying “that triggered me”, myself included (and I’m a licensed psychotherapist, shame on me). It has become somewhat of a shorthand for “extremely annoyed or grossed out”. But when it gets used in the context of tagging, it’s good to remember that no one owes us a tag list the length of our arm just because we don’t like certain things. Even if we strongly dislike them.

And even on the occasion someone else’s yuck or yum is an actual trigger for us, it is impossible to cover for every possible trigger, because in theory, EVERYTHING has the possibility to trigger someone somewhere.

E.g., a certain smell in a supermarket holds the rare possibility of triggering someone, but do you see disclaimers at the supermarket door that say, “May smell of 484 different things, which are in detail [list of 484 things] and might be different tomorrow. Plus, we might have a customer today who smells of that perfume that brings up your triggering childhood memories. Or maybe we won’t, but just on the odd chance we do, we thought we’d rather cover it”.

There might be one person with a very specific trigger that does literally nothing to the vast majority of people. Do we expect everyone on Tumblr to tag for “eyebrows” or “white T-Shirt” because of that? How about that person just puts “eyebrows” or “white T-Shirt” in their content filter instead?

Do we really suggest to put that type of responsibility on creators? More importantly: Who are we protecting that way? All we do is put people into bubble wrap and shift responsibility for our mental wellbeing away from ourselves to others.

We are trying to tell other people what to do for our own comfort. That’s controlling.

If we’re squicked out by something, there is a simple solution: we can stop looking or reading. We can use content (not tag) filters. In the worst case, we can block. We don’t have to put that type of responsibility for our personal sensitivities on creators (or people who reblog, for that matter).

We can tag for certain things as a courtesy, I’m all for it. I love being able to filter out stuff I’m not into, and I sometimes wish people would tag better or not tag a certain way (getting ship tags for a ship you’re not into slapped on your character-metas is annoying 🤣). But I don’t die, neither does it cause me unbearable distress, if I see cows where I don’t expect them. Scroll past or block. And if I’m worried about mature topics like nudity or violence: Tumblr has a community label for mature themes you can (and in my view should) use if in doubt. Funnily enough, many people don’t do that though—maybe because they worry about reach?

Of course we should include content warnings where they are due, no one says we shouldn’t. It’s also fair if a creator doesn’t wish to do that beyond general warnings (no specifics) though because they might give away, say, major plot points that way. In that case, general disclaimers like “contains depictions of violence”, or whatever it might be individually, are a good idea. And if that’s not specific enough for us despite knowing that “violence” in general might also contain our personal trigger, we might need to make the decision not to read it to stay safe, but we shouldn’t have a go at the writer for not tagging very specific things that might be considered spoilers.

Long story short: If we assume people are “triggered” by werewolves with vulvas or non-human characters, it might be worth thinking about whether we’re just talking about squicks that very much fall into the category of “personal responsibility”. And there are plenty solutions to that at our end—we don’t need to put that on creators…

#fandom problems #fandom entitlement #fandom stuff #squicks #vs #triggers #tagging #being grossed out or strongly disliking is uncomfortable #but it’s not the same as being triggered

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deepouterspacecandy · 2 months

Note

i hope its okay to ask but how do you think abby would feel about sex during her/readers time of the month? you write her so sweet and i just wonder how you think she would react??

if you would ever be up to writing smut for it id be grateful to you forever!!!!

It’s absolutely okay! You guys can ask me anything. I just may not respond if it’s something outside my comfort zone. This isn’t one of those things for me personally.

I want to remind anyone perusing my blog that this, and all my works and interactions, are 18+ only.

With Abby growing up around doctors, I don’t think she’s at all shy when it comes to health-related topics. I also believe that when she trusts her partner, she’s an open book sexually. I perceive her as very practical that way.

She’ll want you to feel safe with her and that includes feeling secure discussing all your needs and fantasies. If she isn’t down with something, you’ll be the first to know, but she would never, ever shame you for it—whatever that may be.

Maybe she’d tease you here and there, but only to ease your anxious tension.

So, let’s talk period sex in specific.

I feel like she’ll wait for you to bring it up first, because she won’t want you to feel uncomfortable.

It’s likely that she finds it adorable because she will see it coming from a mile away as you’ll subtly allude to it, dancing around the subject for a while. Abby being Abby, she’ll patiently play along, wanting you to be ready and enthusiastic about the conversation.

Pain is a constant presence in her life, whether it’s the soreness from the gym, the cuts and bruises from combat, or cramps during her period. Pain management holds great significance to her, and she understands its importance for overall wellbeing.

Our girl has 100% leaned into self pleasure to ease her own cramps. She rides that powerful and sensitive wave all the way to the bank. And what does she care about more than keeping you safe? Helping you feel good. If redirecting your pain with pleasure is what you need, she’s all over it.

I do think she’ll get a little bashful and perhaps a bit nervous when she realizes how much it turns her on, though. Abby definitely underestimates the intense sensuality and arousal that comes from touching you like that for the first time.

Once she feels the heightened pleasure and comprehends the excitement and relief it brings to both of you, she really gets into it and looks forward to sharing that level of intimacy with you.

If it’s something that everyone on here feels comfortable reading, I’m willing to write a smut piece for it, for sure!

Please don’t feel embarrassed about stuff like this, not on my account anyhow. Women are shamed for so many things as it is. We don't deserve to feel bad about this, not one bit.

#abby the last of us #abby tlou #abby x fem!reader #abby x reader #abby x you #tlou abby #lesbian

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redlittlefoxari · 5 months

Text

Astarion Epilogue: An Adventure in Making Life: Chapter Eight: In too Deep in Waterdeep

Relationship: Astarion x Tav

Warnings: NSFW18+, angst, smut, Pregnancy, Fluff.

*This chapter contains Smut*

Summary: Tav and the others finally make it to Waterdeep. Before the whole gang can get back together Tav and Astarion decide to do some shopping and take a bath to wash their travel-worn bodies.

Master List

People who want to be tagged: @lunaredgrave @ofmyth-andmagicart

Twelve weeks pregnant

The following two weeks went by without any incident. You did your best not to blow up at anyone, and the others did their best not to mention your “sickness,” deeming it a sensitive topic. You leaned into the idea more and more and let their imaginations fill in the blanks as to what they thought it was. You gave little details, only ones that would play in your favor, such as, despite being sick, you wished to celebrate your good friend’s accomplishment. You started taking the herbs in front of them to drive home further that you were doing something to “fix your sickness.”

In the last town you passed, you and Astarion bought you some new armor, this time with less padding and with a band around the waist that allowed it to be resized if need be. You had to sacrifice better armor, but that was the price you had to pay actually to have armor at all.

“How are you feeling today?” Wyll found you coming back from the dense bushes as you needed to make a stop.

“Better so far, I’ve been able to keep everything down.” So far today, you haven’t thrown up, but you did feel more exhausted.

“That’s good…. Do you think you’ll uhh….” Wyll fumbled with his words, trying to find a polite way to ask if you would get better or if this was something that would take you from this plane sooner than they all would have wished.

“I think I’ll live. Jaheira said it’s just a matter of time before I feel better. She said maybe by the end of the year.” The lies were coming easier.

“That’s fantastic. How did you even contract this sickness?” Wyll was treading a little too close and asking far too many questions, but with your second trimester only two weeks away, you felt that it was okay to give more information.

“Oh, you know…. On an adventure, Astarion and I had taken us a while to realize what was wrong with me, but we figured it out.” Wyll nodded at your response.

“I’m just glad to hear you will be okay… I don’t know what Astarion would do if he lost you.” Wyll looked to the Vampire who was talking to Karlach.

“Me either but that hopefully won’t happen for a long while I’m only a hundred and twenty.” Wyll laughed at your response.

“Only! You elves really are lucky.”

The two of you walked back to the others, changing the subject to something a little less dire. Both Astarion and Karlach stopped talking and turned towards their respective partners. Astarion kissed you on the top of your head, and you leaned into him as he asked you if you were okay.

“It’s a shame the two of you can’t have children. You would make great parents.” Karlach gave the two of you a broad smile that showed her teeth.

The two of you froze. You tried to keep a look of fear from showing on your face as the group's eyes bore into you two. Wyll elbowed Karlach in the ribs and muttered something under his breath.

“Oh fuck I should have kept that to myself. I’m sorry.” Karlach rubbed the back of her head and looked away, embarrassed and ashamed.

“Yes, we’ll…. We have each other, and that’s all that counts.” Astarion spoke for you.

“Yes, and it’s tough for elves to have children anyway. We only have a certain number of souls, so we have to wait to be reincarnated.” You shrugged. “And we live for so long, so you have to wait for a natural death or a planned one.”

You could cut the tension with a knife. “Let’s get going. we are almost to Waterdeep, and I would like to take a hot bath and lay down on a bed instead of the ground.” Astarion pulled you with him up the dirt road that led to Waterdeep.

The rest of the party followed behind, going the rest of the two-hour walk, giving you and Astarion the space they thought you needed after the conversation about children.

“I will feel way better after the ceremony, and we can tell them the truth.” You whispered so only Astarion could hear.

“I don’t know, I kind of like making everyone feel uncomfortable. It's a lot of fun for me.” Astarion returned the whisper but punctuated his sentence with a laugh.

“I don’t. I feel bad these are our friends. I will be happier not having to keep anything from them.” You let out a heavy sigh.

It didn’t take long, and you could see the city limits of Waterdeep. It was a bustling coastal city that showed like a diamond. The water was crystal blue and had a large port that was the heart of the city. You knew that once you were in the city limits, you should make up any excuse to branch off alone and buy some new clothes since the ones that you brought with you, mainly the pants, no longer fit over your belly. The leather is too tight to give you any leeway.

You and your party walked through the gates, and an apparition of Gale appeared blue in color and slightly translucent. “Greetings, friends! I have sent this apparition to escort you all to my tower, which you will be staying in. If you would be so kind, follow me this way.”

The apparition turned and started walking, which you thought was a little novel since it wasn’t the real Gale and could just float to the destination that it needed to go to next. You giggled slightly at the apparition and Gale for being so literal about everything.

“Umm, hold on a second…” You spoke, and the apparition turned to face you.

“Yes?” It spoke.

“Is the tower that big purple and gold building to the north of the docks?” You pointed to the building in question.

“Indeed it is. Why?” The Apperition’s face mirrored Gales when he was confused.

“Then I think I’ll meet you all there. I want to get a few things before I go to the tower.” The party looked at you quizzically. “It’s just that… this place is warmer than Baldur’s Gate…. The clothes I packed are going to make me overheat in this weather.”

“That makes sense,” Karlach spoke up in your defense. “It is hotter than the hells here, and I should know.”

You sent a silent prayer up to the gods. “Exsactly! So I’m going to take an hour and meet you all back at the tower.”

“I’ll go with you.” Astarion broke from the group. “Someone has to tell you that you look fabulous.”

The others said their goodbyes and promised to see you later at the tower for dinner. You watched as your friends left the two of you alone. Astarion took your hand in his, and you looked at him. The sea air was causing his curls to have more volume and curl more tightly together. He ran his free hand through them to break them apart.

“Let's go to a dress shop… I’m tired of pants.” You looked around and found an outdoor market that had many stalls containing what you were looking for.

“I couldn’t agree more, darling. Plus, you not wearing pants makes it easier to get to all my favorite parts.” He kissed your cheek as it turned red.

“We are not having sex in Gale’s tower. I feel like his creepy apparitions are going to watch.” You started to make your way to the market.

“What are you not into being an exhibitionist? It can be very erotic.”

“I will do just about anything else with you, but I draw the line at having Gale’s creepy walking self-portraits watch us.” You looked up at him.

“I’m going to put that to the test, Darling.” You audibly gulped at his words.

You approached the first stall that had dresses and found that they were all long, beautiful sun dresses that had enough fabric around where your stomach would be to hide the bump that was getting larger by the day. There seemed to be four different styles, and the colors ranged from primarily greens, blues, and purples, with some being just white from not being dyed just yet. You bought two of each dress style in varying colors and one in white. The White one you intended to wear to the ceremony and buy some gold accents that would compliment your slightly tanned skin.

While looking at the other stalls, a few other styles of dresses caught your eye that would do more to show off your bump when you were ready to announce to the world about your soon-to-be half-v vampire child that you would be bringing into this world. These were purple, light blue, red, dark green, and white so you decided to buy one of each color, bringing the total of dresses you bought up to fourteen. That would cover all of the days in Waterdeep, and you would be comfortable because pants would not be involved.

Astarion approved of your choices and not just because there was a slit up the sides of most of the dresses that reached mid-thigh but because he thought you would look good in a burlap sack. The two of you continued to walk through the market when Astarion told you to wait a moment while he went to look at something that caught his eye. You are waiting for him to return, taking the time to sit and rest your tired feet. You were going to take a good, long, hot soak before dinner tonight.

“Close your eyes, darling,” Astarion said as he walked back over to you.

“Why?” You asked, being suspicious of his intentions.

“Just close your eyes, or I’ll go return it.” You did as he asked. “Now give me your left hand.”

You extended your left hand to him and felt his palm touch yours. “What are you doing?”

You felt something cool slide on your left ring finger and opened your eyes to see a beautiful rose gold ring accented with purple stones and small diamonds weaving around it. Words caught in your throat as you looked from the ring to Astarion, who was standing before you.

“Well? What do you think? Do you want to make this official or not?” He turned away from you, and you saw that his cheeks were turning red, and a look of embarrassment laced his features.

“It took you long enough.” You shot up from the bench you had been sitting on and wrapped your arms around his neck, turning his face back towards yours and kissing him deeply.

The two of you started to draw the attention of others around you as your kiss lasted for several seconds. It wasn’t a kiss to burn a fire deep within your bellies and drive passion. It was a kiss that was laced with love, a promise of devotion, and so much more than that. When you finally broke apart to look into each other's eyes, neither one of you spoke; you just smiled like lunatics at each other.

“Let’s go tell our friends you finally asked me the question I have been waiting for these past fifty years.” You looked back at the ring.

“Technically, I never asked.”

“I’m counting this as you did.” You detangled yourself from him, and the two of you started to make your way toward Gale’s tower.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Do you think he’s compensating for something?” Astarion asked as you neared the tower.

“I’m starting to think so.” You answered him in a monotone voice.

The sizeable purple tower was anything but subtle. It overlooked the sea and, for lack of a better word, towered over all the other buildings even remotely around it. The outer walls had fifty windows, and there was one large oak door that was ornamented with gold that made it look like the weave itself was guided to the door.

Before you could knock on the door, an apparition of Gale appeared. “Ah, you finally made it! The door is unlocked to you and all of my guests no need to knock; just come in. Your room will be to the left of the stairs on the third floor of the tower.”

“Thank you… do you guys, umm… watch people in these rooms?” You hesitate to ask, but I'm not sure if it would be considered rude. Or if it was a dumb question.

Astarion laughed. “Yes, do you just pop into people’s rooms unannounced?”

“No, Astarion, I will not be watching the two of you. I'm not an exhibitionist.” Gale spoke through his apparition. “Will the two of you just come in and get ready? Everyone is waiting for you two so we can have dinner.”

“Of course! We wouldn’t want to keep everyone waiting.” Astarion walked through Gale’s apparition, and it vanished.

As he opened the door to the inside of the structure, your jaw dropped. The tower on the outside looked like a lighthouse—a decent size but not overly large. The inside told a completely different story. It was five times the size of what it was on the outside, and you noticed doors along the walls that shouldn’t lead anywhere, but you knew that they did. This whole tower was a paradox.

“He’s definitely overcompensating for something…” You said as you walked towards the stairs and started your accent to your rooms.

“When he brings women home, do you think he asks if they wanna see his purple tower, and they’re disappointed?”

“Astarion stops; he can probably hear you.” You were out of breath by the time you made it to your floor.

“He knows I’m only joking. He did manage to have sex with the goddess of magic… he has to be decent, at least.” He opened the door to your room. “He does have good taste.”

The room was immaculate. Again, you questioned how it was possible for this room to exist. It was an open layout, with the bedroom opening into a giant steaming pool that already had towels, soap, and other assorted perfume bottles.

“He wants us to smell pretty for dinner, it would seem.” Astarion placed your new dresses out on the bed.

You took a long sniff of yourself. “Do be fair…. We have smelled better.”

Astarion shrugged and began stripping off his clothes. “We haven’t had a proper bath in forty-five days.”

“I bathed in the river as often as I could.” You started to strip off your clothes as well.

“I don’t have that luxury. Can’t step foot in running water, so I had to make do with wet towels the whole time.” He stepped into the hot water and moaned.

That was one thing you couldn’t fix. Being able to walk in the sun was no problem, but short of finding a cure for his vampirism altogether, Astarion couldn’t step foot in running water.

“You make it sound like that water feels better than sex.” You finished pulling the rest of your clothes off and made your way towards the water.

“At this moment, yes, it is.” He sank under the water and came back out just enough so that his eyes, nose, and ears were peeking out of the water.

“Well then, good to know I can be outdone by a hot body of water.” You dipped your feet in the water. “I see what you mean. I would take this over you, too.”

“So we’re in agreement we are in a polygamous relationship with this pool of water.” Astarion came up and reached for the soap Gale or whoever managed his massive tower laid out for the two of you.

Astarion looked at your naked body as you stepped further into the pool, his eyes moving up and down your body, drinking you in like he was dying of thirst.

“What? You’ve seen me naked thousands of times.” You fully submerge yourself in the water.

“And every time I do, I’m reminded just how lucky I am.” He grabbed a hand towel, got it wet, and then added the soap to it.

He pressed the towel to his skin and began scrubbing the road from his skin, and you started to do the same. The soap felt like silk as you moved the towel over your skin. You took your time going over your swollen breasts, massaging them to ease the tension from being compressed behind a breastplate for twelve hours.

“I can do that for you.” Astarion came up behind you, his hot body pressed to your back as he grabbed the hand towel from you. “You deserve to be treated like a queen for what you’ve been through these past weeks.”

“When do I get my crown?” You leaned into his chest.

“As soon as I am able.” He caressed your tiny baby bump as he kissed the crook of your neck.

You moved your neck so he had better access to your neck. “You can bite me, you know.”

“I’m not biting you.” He placed another kiss on your neck.

“Why not? Does my blood taste funny now?”

“No, your blood is by far one of the best things I’ve ever tasted. I won’t drink from you because I don’t want to hurt you. Our child is already feeding off of you.” He let out a long sigh. “Even though I want nothing more than to taste your sweet blood on my tongue.”

You felt a pulse of arousal course through you. The thought of him feeding on you makes the coil in your stomach tighten. You missed the feeling of his teeth on your skin, the feel of them puncturing your neck, and the feel of ice in your veins as he sucked your lifeblood.

“Just for a second…. We are about to have dinner, so my body can afford to lose some of its blood.” You felt his whole body go still. The feel of his own arousal pressed against your back. “Please…”

At the sound of you begging, his fangs scraped against your skin but did not puncture your flesh. “You will tell me if it gets to be too much.”

“Yes.”

At your confirmation, his fangs broke through your sink, and you moaned, grinding your ass against his hard length. He sucked greedily for a few long seconds before removing his fangs and licking the holes he left behind. It wasn’t enough; you wanted him to feed for longer, take all he needed from you, and more.

“Fuck…” Astarion’s breath was hot against your neck. “I want more…”

He moved his that was on your stomach lower and placed the other on your shoulder, pushing your shoulders down and causing your body to form a ninety-degree angle. You held onto the side of the pool, arching your back to give him a better angle for what you knew he planned to do next.

Astarion grabbed his length and placed it at your hot center just outside the entrance. “How do you feel about having sex in Gale’s tower now?”

“I think if I can’t have your fangs in me, I want the next best thing.”

At your words, he slid inside you, filling you to the hilt. You cried out in pleasure as he pulled out almost completely only to slam back in and set a tempo that stroked and tightened the coil growing in your stomach. One of his hands found your breast, and you moaned as the mixture of his length filling you and the sensitivity from your breast played off of each other in perfect harmony.

It didn’t take long for you to hit peak pleasure, causing your climax to crash into you. Astarion felt you tighten around him and upped the tempo to help you ride out your climax and for him to follow soon after. You felt his hot release as it filled you completely. You stayed connected, your bodies not ready to be apart just yet.

When you were finally able to leave each other, Astarion turned you to face him. He kissed you with every ounce of passion he had left, swirling his tongue in your mouth so you could taste your blood.

“We really do need to get to dinner before they come up here looking for us,” Astarion said as he broke the kiss.

“You go ahead. I have to finish cleaning up. Tell them to start without me. I’m very filthy.” You accented the last word with your breath.

“ Oh, I know, darling.” He kissed you lightly on your lips. “I’m the one that defiled you.”

Astarion got out of the pool dripping wet and dried off, putting a clean pair of clothes on. You watched as he dried and styled his hair. He delicately made sure that every curl was perfect before leaving you to finish washing up.

After about ten minutes, you finally deemed yourself clean enough to see your friends and stepped from the pool to begin drying off. Before you could grab a towel, you heard someone approaching your room, and the door swung open abruptly.

“Come on, you’re taking fucking forever, and the food looks….” Karlach stood at the door and froze as she took in your naked form. Her eyes moved from your swollen breasts to the small swell of your belly. “Are you pregnant

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amarynthian-chronicles · 2 months

Text

Fae Prince Sun, Fae Prince Moon, Fae King Eclipse x Witch Reader

(excerpt from upcoming chapter 5 of Extended Contract)

Warnings: suggestive themes and the usual Fae tomfoolery

“We are running out of vases for me to knock over, Sun.“

“Now, now, practice makes perfect.“

“Yes, I am a professional bulldozer now.“

Sun gave you a gentle tap on the tip of your nose.

“Tut-tut, you sassy darling. I meant for the dancing lesson part, not the damage part. Although, that last crash? Exquisite, definitely recommend it as a new ringtone for your mobile device, it would be an improvement.“

“My dear prince, you may be cute, but not cute enough to get a pass on insulting my taste in music.“

“Permit me to make a retort in a similar manner. Your beauty could place all stars to shame, and you don't get a pass out of this formality either. We will have to open the first dance when we arrive in the Grand Hall, my love.“

“Is this really necessary?“

“Royal etiquette and tradition. Courtly gallantry is of crucial importance. Additionally, one must demonstrate refinement and confidence through their movement, the ability to command attention. You never know what diplomatic affairs or arrangements may be struck in these close encounters where you have to whisper sweet nothings to the other party as you sway them in every sense of the term.“

You blinked at him.

“It's my birthday, Sun. If I want to sit in the corner with a glass of brandy without elaborating anything, then everyone else in the Celestial Court will just have to deal with it.“

He chuckled, tapping the tip of your nose once more. You had half a mind to bite his finger off.

“Admirable attitude, lovely. Completely against court politics, but admirable nonetheless.“

You heard Moon grumble as he was taking care of the shards, waving his hand and letting them disintegrate into blue smoke.

“Clean up, clean up. Since we are already on the topic of practice and perfection, I now officially qualify as a maid.“

You couldn't help but smirk at the lunar Fae.

“Serves you right after laughing at my dancing skills, Moon.“

“Such slanderous words, wishing star. I deny these accusations. I wasn't laughing at your dancing skills, I was laughing at the lack thereof.“

You rolled your eyes and shrugged, turning your gaze back to his twin.

“Sun, your gremlin of a brother does have a point.“

The solar Fae tilted his head in confusion, his sun rays slightly lowering and rising as if they were the ears of a confused puppy.

“He does?“

“We have been practicing this move for the past indeterminate amount of ridiculously long hours and the only thing we accomplished thus far is almost giving Moon a concussion when he fell off the chair cackling like an idiot.“

Moon grinned, shadows moving around him playfully, forming grimaces on the walls as if to accentuate the mirth of their master. As much as he despised the necessity of dealing with broken glass and porcelain, he could not deny that the spectacular disaster he was witnessing was a nice compensation.

“Beautiful witch, your presence makes my soul sing, but do pardon me when I say that if we ever find ourselves in need of getting even with a foe, we will simply send you to dance in their house till you raze it to the ground.“

“I shan't pardon a single thing and you just earned yourself a night of sleeping on the floor, Moon.“

A part of you expected him to retaliate with a wicked trick, but he decided to take a more suave approach, knowing that he could get under your skin in other ways. He extended a shadowy tendril in your direction, allowing it to glide over your cheek and along your neck, making you shudder. Prince Moon knew very well what effect he could have on you, how sensitive you were, both to his touch and his sinfully passionate poetry.

“Divine cruelty, blissful and sweet, flames so tender, my heart eagerly awaits the gentle wrath of fallen stars. I offer my life to my fair beloved, their kisses and their blades equally dear to me. Banishment only stirs the dreams and my arms embrace your form even in the loneliest of dungeons.“

His raspy voice was low and sultry, mesmerizing, worthy of a powerful nocturnal Fae that could enthrall the masses if he so pleased. As he spoke, the shadowy tendril kept caressing your neck and around your collarbone. Desire bloomed in your core, but you did your best to suppress it and get your wits together. Moon was aware of your mental turmoil and he winked at you, grinning, devious scenarios already playing out in his mind. Wicked man, shameless.

You groaned, flustered and defeated. Like a cranky cat, you tried to swat the dark tendril away, only for it to curl around your wrist.

“Moon, you devil.“

“Your devil, at your service. Command and I shall comply.“

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0nlythrowharrybeaux · 1 year

Note

Hey :) this is a bit if a sensitive topic… but i got an idea for a request and i don’t know if you’d be willing to write it? I’ve been struggling with anorexia for a very long time and i’ve been thinking what if y/n was in the love band and she has an ed and body image issues and you know the outfit the band’s always wearing? For me personally, it’d be so triggering to wear because i know i’d feel so fat wearing it (don’t know why tbh)…Anyway, what if she hasn’t really told anyone about her struggle (maybe they saw signs but don’t know for sure) and she’d agreed to wear the outfit but then before a show she has a huge panic attack and Harry finds her crying backstage…

And also like i just want to say that there’s nothing wrong with being bigger and that "fat" is not a feeling but i just can’t help my brain 😣

Sorry for the long ask.. and I also hope you’ll feel better!!🙂

Hello friend! First off, thank you for sending this request and for trusting me and this online space to share your struggles. That can be really challenging, especially on the internet where you don't know how people will take things or react sometimes. Especially with eating disorders, there's so much guilt and shame that comes with this kind of mental illness to begin with and it can be a hard thing to admit to as well.

I will also share with you anon, that I've struggled with an ED for many years and was finally diagnosed with EDNOS in 2016. EDNOS stands for eating disorder not otherwise specified and you can receive that diagnosis for many reasons. I won't elaborate on my case in this post (I don't mind talking about it anymore so if ppl have questions you can ask), but anyway.... all this to say that I totally understand your struggle. And lately, I've been struggling to not fall back into those harmful ways after some comments my mom made a few weeks ago. It's been a tough few weeks for me for many reasons. But anyway, thank you so much again, for sending this request. Writing this is definitely going to be cathartic and therapeutic for me as well and I hope that it is for you too and anyone who struggles this way.

LAST THING! If you or anyone you know struggles with an eating disorder or shows concerning disordered eating patterns, please consider getting help. Some resources are linked HERE including helpline contact info.

And of course, the content below can be triggering for people who struggle with any E.D.

This was quite literally your dream come to life. You had been asked by Harry himself to join the Love Band in Ny-Oh's place for the final leg of Love On Tour. This all seemed insane and unreal as you thought about how you'd just met him around 2018. You'd been brought in as a session musician for Harry's last 2 albums and started a nice little friendship with him. But you didn't know that he considered you enough of a friend to ask you to join his live ensemble. Sure, you talked regularly enough and had graduated into hugs over fist bumps during the making of Harry's House, but still...it just seemed so insane. You were excited though, getting to see him perform every night knowing how hard he worked to make this music...it was like a full circle moment.

There'd been plenty you'd done in preparation for your travels. Including getting your measurements taken for the little love minion jumpsuits you'd be wearing every night. None of that really seemed to trigger you or your concerns over your weight and body image. You'd been doing so well, you'd been managing your eating disorder well the last few years without any major setbacks and you were proud that you were healthy enough to do this. Proud that you felt comfortable accepting this gig and knowing that you had the stamina and health to make it through the entire leg of the tour. It was huge! But none of that really seemed to matter when you got a look at your uniform hung up just a few inches away from you and felt this sudden rush of anxiety crawling through your body. Why did it look like it'd be so tight on you? The material obviously wasn't too stretchy so how was this supposed to fit on you? You weren't exactly sure what about the look of it suddenly had you feeling this way, but all you knew was that you didn't feel good about it.

The logical part of your brain reminded you that you got fitted for this - it was custom made to your measurements. And you tried to keep that in mind, but you soon realized that you had been fitted for this about four months ago. Maybe you'd gained tons of weight? Your days of obsessively weighing yourself were past you, so you had no idea if you had or hadn't. You had body dysmorphia so your mind wouldn't know the difference. And it was maddening to you that you had been feeling OK about yourself until you'd entered the little temporary changing room and saw the outfit on the hanger. Your heart started to beat a bit faster as your anxiety started to grow.

"30 minutes to show time!" you heard someone call as they walked down the corridor and then they shouted the same warning into the large dressing room a few of you shared and you just exhaled sharply and decided so just ignore this feeling and suck it up. If you didn't wear this what would you wear? You had no choice, you just had to get over it.

However, now that something about this outfit had triggered the obsessive and intrusive thoughts about your body image you started to feel uncomfortable looking at your reflection. You tried to avoid looking at yourself right now because you knew that you'd see things that weren't accurate. You tried to slow down your breathing as you turned away from the mirror in there and folded up your clothes before turning back around and looking at the outfit once again before taking it off the hanger. It felt suspenseful to undo all of the little buttons lining the seam to join the two sides together. But soon you were pulling it off the hanger and getting your legs into it and doing up the buttons, avoiding the mirror again until it was fully on so that you wouldn't freak out before you fully were dressed. Of course, you had no issues with getting it on, it felt just fine, a little loose if anything. But when you looked up the feeling of the fit didn't really matter. You had no idea if it was the cinched in waist that felt restrictive even if you had some wiggle room. Or maybe it was the way the fabric bulged a bit at your stomach and made you feel like you were carrying a lot more weight there than you realized before? But as you turned to the side to see how you looked from that angle your frown deepened as your fears rose tot he surface. It looked a little big on you and that somehow made you feel even worse because it wasn't like flattering/comfy baggy. This outfit somehow accentuated just how thin you actually were and then a new fear came into your brain: They're going to know I'm anorexic.

You felt that you did well enough to keep your eating disorder speculations at bay. People closest to you knew, but you were very private about it because like any illness, there is sometimes an element of shame involved. It wasn't something you advertised, especially as you recovered! But most people just knew you were into health and wellness, but they didn't know the dark side of it; that you struggled with obsessing over quantities and ingredients and portions because you were terrified to look bigger than you were, terrified to gain weight, terrified of feeling fat. You couldn't tell anyone why you felt that way, but you just did! And sure, you were a lot better now than you were years ago, but you had just been massively triggered that you looked sickly and that, that would arise suspicions of your health. The fans might start to say things and ask questions and if they noticed other people would too...the crew, the rest of the band...Harry...

As you stared at yourself for a bit more your eyes started to tear up and you silently fanned at your eyes to try and dissipate the tears, but your vision was only getting more and more blurry. You just needed some fresh air to calm down. You peeked out and saw that you were alone in the dressing room so you rushed out before anyone could stop you and you headed out back behind the stage. They were in the middle of changing the setup after the openers so the crew and roadies were closer to the structure helping change things out and unloading. You had the space and privacy to pace around and let your tears fall. But the audience was so loud...there would be so many people and they would look at you and see you in this outfit and just know that something was wrong with you. Obviously they would be scrutinizing you since you were the new person! And suddenly everything just built up inside of you and you started to panic.

You found a place to sit down when you felt your breathing catch in your throat. This couldn't be happening.... you were just minutes before the show! But you were hyperventilating now as your tears cascaded down your cheeks. You felt like you were going to crumble apart. This was a huge mistake... you should've said no...you weren't ready for this. There was no way you could do this. You were sat off to the side as you sobbed and tried everything you could to calm down and get through this panic attack so you didn't notice Harry's car pulling up across from you until you heard the stadium cheering loudly and when you glanced up you saw Harry wave quickly before he headed backstage. You didn't want anyone to see you like this so you stood up and went to hide behind one of the trailers, but you didn't notice that he'd seen you rush off.

********

"Y/N!" Harry called after you but you didn't seem to hear him and he frowned a bit. He could've sworn you were crying...maybe you just got really nervous or maybe it just hit you now that you were on tour. It could be exciting but nerve-racking. So he decided to just check on you and maybe give you a little pep-talk. "Hey, I'll be right in, just gonna make sure she's OK." Harry said to Tommy and Brad.

"I've got it, H. You should really go get changed. You're on in 15." Tommy advised.

"It'll be quick. I'm sure she's just a little nervous." Harry said and they sighed as he jogged off to where you'd taken off. When he rounded the corner to where the trailers were he immediately frowned when he saw you gasping for air, choking on your tears as you sobbed uncontrollably. "Y/N, oh my god." he said as he hurried over to you.

You felt mortified as he rushed up to you and reached for your hands. You started to cry harder because this was so fucked up. You felt so stupid and ridiculous for crying over an outfit, but you just felt so awful. Worse than you had in a long time and it was scary to be triggered so intensely. When he wrapped you up in a big hug you started to calm down. His voice and touch and scent helped to ground you a bit, enough to help you breathe properly.

"What's the matter?" he asked you softly as you continued crying. You cough as you tried to answer him and he gently rubbed your back to help you out a bit.

"S'fine. I'm fine." you choked out and he sighed.

"How can I help if I don't know what the issue is?" he asked you and you sighed.

"You can't help Harry, this is me. This all me and I...I don't think I can do the show." you finally said and he pulled back with a big frown as he looked at you. You couldn't bear to see his disappointment for more than a second before you looked back at the ground.

"What do you mean? Are you nervous?" he asked you as he rubbed at your arms with his ring clad hands and you sighed.

"I-it's the outfit. I can't wear this outfit. Like...I'm not...able to wear this." you said to him and he looked a bit confused.

"Is something wrong with it?"

"Yes! I...don't know w-what it is..." you gasped through your sobs, "But I just...don't like how I look or feel in it." you explained.

"Love, you look great!" he said with a small smile and that made you feel worse because it was a testament to just how insane you actually were, "And well, I'm not really sure we can change the uniform at this point-"

"Exactly, this is my issue! So I can't go up there." you cried.

"Well what's the issue you're having? Maybe there's something we can do about it right now?" he asked and you bit your lip for a moment before looking into his eyes and then just turning your gaze away from him. You couldn't bear to see his face when you said this to him.

"I...I have an eating disorder." you said softly through your tears, "And something about this outfit has triggered me into this psychotic episode. I feel...really awful physically and in my head too...and I'm trying... I'm trying to get it together but I haven't felt like this in years and just one look at me in this and everyone's gonna know something's wrong with me because I look sick!" you sobbed, "And that's why I can't do this. I'm so sorry, Harry. I just can't do the show." you blubbered and his hands slid down your arms and grabbed your hands.

"I'm so sorry." he said softly and you sighed.

"It's not your fault...how were you supposed to know that this would trigger me? I didn't even know until I was staring at the fucking thing." you shook your head as you looked up at him again and he sighed.

"I mean, yeah but like I... I noticed stuff before, like when we first met that made me wonder if...maybe you were anorexic or struggled with something like this. So I'm sorry that I never checked on you." he said and you sighed.

"Well, it't not really something I like to talk about." you explained through a sniffle, "And I've been doing really well the last couple years, I swear I'm like eating regularly and stuff. I wouldn't have agreed to do this if I wasn't well enough to do it." you said quickly, "But something happened back there and for my own wellbeing I just feel like I can't go out there like this." you explained through your tears. "Like...at first I thought I looked fat or maybe the cinching made me feel really restricted....but like I had this...moment where when I looked at myself f-from the side I just...looked like a fucking Tim Burton character...." you chuckled through your tears, "and I just...know that people will notice that I'm anorexic. And the audience is gonna see and start saying things about me... and things are just going to get worse and I'm gonna lose control again! And I don't want to lose control again. I can't lose control again." you vented through your tears and he just listened attentively with a slight frown. When he saw you were finished he squeezed your hands gently.

"I get that. And I also want you to be healthy and feel healthy and to feel good about yourself." he assured you, "You being safe and healthy and happy, that's all I want for you! But you're also a fucking brilliant musician and friend and I don't want to do this without you." he said to you and you sniffled, "I'm willing to figure something out to make sure that you feel comfortable and confident enough to perform if you want. We can get with Harry real quick and see what we can come up with." he suggested.

"The show starts in a little bit...it's fine. We can work on it tomorrow. I can perform from backstage today or even just sit this one out." you said and he scoffed through a laugh.

"I'm not gonna make you perform from backstage! We're just gonna run a bit late, that's fine." he said to you and you shook your head.

"Seriously H, I don't mind it a-"

"Seriously, Y/N." He cut you off, "I don't want to hide any member of my team, ever. I want to work with you to figure this out, OK? You mean a lot to me, and having you up there with me and Mitch, like that's so huge! You've been there for a lot of the work on these songs...you brought my vision to life in the studio and now you're here, getting to see it play out! And you do not have my permission to experience this magnificent and magical moment for the first time from behind the stage, all alone. There's no fucking way." he said and you chuckled softly through your tears as he squeezed your hands reassuringly again. "You deserve this. Let's figure this out." he offered again and you sniffled and nodded.

"OK." you agreed softly and he smiled.

"Yeah?"

"Yes." you sniffled and smiled at him before he hugged you tight and you relaxed in his embrace.

"Perfect. Just gonna hold you for a bit, OK?" he said and you just hummed.

Your eating disorder had robbed you of tons of incredible experiences in your life. Either because you weren't well enough to show up or because you felt ashamed...but the buck stopped here. Not anymore. Harry was right, you deserved this and you wanted this, so you were gonna do it with his help and other Harry's help. After a few moments he let go of you and pulled back to wipe away the slightly smeared makeup beneath your eyes.

"If you don't mind not saying anything to Harry about why I-"

"Of course not." He said right away.

"Do you think the band'll mind that I might not be in the uniform?"

"I doubt it, but if someone has any issues I'll take care of it, OK?" he assured you and you nodded.

"Thank you, H."

"Course, love." He smiled kindly, "And I know that for now we might scramble a bit but what if we get you a tour shirt or sweater to wear on top and you can just tie the jumpsuit sleeves around you or something so that you just have the pants on?" he suggested.

"Yeah, I think that's good. I can't very well go out in my spandex shorts, that’s what I came in." you giggled and he chuckled.

"Yeah, sorry not happening. This is kind of about me so...." he joked and you laughed softly, "There she is." he said, his thumb swiped over your smile line for a moment before he pulled it away, "Sorry." he said softly.

"It's alright." you assured him and he smiled.

"Let's get this figured out then." he said and you nodded and headed back.

Of course, Harry had been right about not wanting you to miss the first show because you were hiding backstage. It had been one the best experiences of your life so far. The crowd were so loud and happy to be there. Hearing everyone sing the songs with you all, specially getting to sing Matilda and seeing how much it meant to everyone was amazing. It had been absolutely magical, you had even teared up. And when Harry spared you a glance at the end of the song and saw you wiping a tear he shot you a thumbs up and you returned the gesture. You guys started to wave at the fans at the barricade as you headed back to the main stage. You felt someone come up behind you and then Harry's arm draped over your shoulder.

"Alright, love?" he asked against your ear.

"Yeah, you were right though." you said to him, "I'm glad I'm not stuck in the back and missing this." you smiled up at him and he smiled.

"Me too." he assured you.

Of course, hundreds of fans had recorded this little interaction between the two of you and the only thing that people were obsessing over was how protective and soft Harry seemed to be with you and in turn it made the fans even more gentle towards you during the next shows. With each show the cheering for your introduction grew louder. By now you had talked to the other Harry and the band about what you were struggling with and they were all so kind and supportive. And now, each night when you were introduced you had that incredible support from the audience as well. No one was paying attention to your flaws or your issues or your body, they were just showing you the love and acceptance that you so often failed to give to yourself. Being built up that way gave you a new motivation to stay on track, to take care of yourself, and to keep getting better.

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