#and i'm off of work rn so no better time than the present right

[binch-i-might-be]

when you haven't written in a while the thought of writing feels so overwhelming. even just. one scene. it's like "you're telling me my empty dumb brain has to come up with words and put them in the right order and they have to make sense AND sound good and also they have to Evoke Emotion? how about I just end it all"

#the first draft doesn't have to be good but CONSIDER. i don't think i can write even something mediocre rn #this is inspired by me thinking i should get started on drafting Two Sides tomorrow. as i now have the first five chapters outlined #and i'm off of work rn so no better time than the present right #i feel like an idiot and a fraud just spending all my time writing and rewriting timelines and outlines and not actually drafting #aka writing anything lol #rayrambles

[jeankirsteinsgirl]

The AOT Guys on Your Period

a/n: I'm on my period rn and its so awful and just wanted to imagine what the aot guys would be like when reader is on their period <33

CW: fem reader, pure fluff, periods (duh), slight mention of blood

Jean:

Literally the sweetest

totally watched a bunch of youtube videos and listened to podcasts about the "female experience" so he can try to understand what you're going through

"I'm right here baby, I'll lay with you as long as you want" then proceeding to let you be the little spoon all night long

gives you the best back rubs when you're cramping to soothe your muscles

Puts on your favorite movie to distract you

Lets you cuddle into him while watching said movie and strokes your hair the entire time

just the most gentle ever.

soft delicate touches, he's scared of accidentally hurting you when you're on your period

Would stop by the store after work to get you flowers and chocolate becuase he knows it's a rough time for you.

Your favorite kind of flowers of course (he knows all of your favorite things bc he's so thoughtful)

Constantly compliments you because he knows you feel disgusting

"No baby I mean it, you're so beautiful like this"

"There's no better feeling than having you lay on my chest"

"I can't believe I have the most beautiful girl in the entire world"

His big strong hands rubbing little circles on your belly omg

Would run you a hot bath for your cramps (see soft jean for more ;)

bought you one of those stuffed animals that you heat up for cramps and was so excited to give it to you.

Literally smiling like a 5-year-old when he told you he had a surprise for you and got so excited when you like his present.

only calls you babe and baby because he doesn't wanna accidentally hurt your feelings by calling you by your name

looks like a big teddy bear, is a big teddy bear

snuggles all the time

always worried about you

would definitely be one of those guys with an "i love my hot girlfriend shirt"

Eren:

Likes to joke about you being on your period when you're off of it but is always super considerate when you're on it

"Ts okay babe I'm right here" while he kisses your forehead to make you feel better.

Drapes a blanket around you on the couch to make sure you're comfortable

brings you food from your favorite restaurant to make you feel better

knows what you order of course, he pays attention

Frowns and acts all tough when you call him a cutie pie

"I am not. I'm just being a good boyfriend- I'm tough okay"

sure

You have ex fuckboy Eren totally wrapped around your finger

He's literally at your beck and call, not because you asked him to be but because he's so in love with you that he just wants to do all the sweet cheesy things with you

Would never admit all the cute things he does for you in front of his friends

Used to be a firm believer that getting kicked in the balls hurt more than period cramps until he met you and you changed his ways

lets you hold his hand and squeeze it when you're in pain

If you get nauseous he stays up with you all night, telling you little stories to distract you

Reluctantly holds your hair back when you throw up

Gives you his clothes to sleep in because they're looser and more comfy.

Adores seeing you walk around in his t-shirts and pajama pants becuase they're so big and it's so cute

the next time he wears them they smell like you

Would offer to rub your back but can't do it without getting horny so he doesn't :(

"Hey a real soldier isn't afraid to get blood on his sword that's all im saying..."

Levi:

Just like Eren in the way that he acts super tough most of the time, even more than Eren.

Rarely calls you cute names like "baby, honey, sweetheart" but totally does when you're on your period

The fact that it's so rare for him to do this makes it even more special when he does

Makes you blush every time

Would hold your hand as often as possible, rubbing little circles into it with his thumb

Not a fan of PDA but would hold your hand in public and let you kiss him on the cheek

If you're feeling especially emotional that day he'd put his arm around you and rub little circles into your shoulder with his slender fingers

Shows his affection in the most subtle ways

Would go grocery shopping bc you were out of food and come back with a stuffed animal he thought you might like from the store

"Yeah whatever, 'ts not a big deal just thought you might think it's cute"

You would wrap him in a bear hug and he would secretly blush, determined to maintain his "tough guy" exterior

Would'nt pick up food for you but would cook for you instead

Your favorite food of course

Doesn't get horny easily like a teenage boy so he could give you a massage whenever you wanted wherever you wanted

would offer to get things for you so you don't have to leave bed

Loves being the big spoon and would be wrapped around you all night

Like I said earlier, when you're on your period he tries to subtly be more sweet (he thinks you don't notice)

speaks so much more softly to you when you're on your period

is just more gentle in general

you're so needy for him both emotionally and physically and you'd want to be wrapped around him all week

and he'd let you

Armin:

Ik I said Jean's the sweetest but I changed my mind its Armin

THE CUTEST EVER

super smart so never had the misconception that periods were a walk in the park

knows all about hormonal cycles and how things would affect you differently

"I got you some dark chocolate, it's really good for soothing the cramps because of the high concentration of magnesium which eases the uterine lining so-"

"Thank you Armin" is all you'd say and giggle at the research he put into helping you

Constantly touching you, not in a sexual way but in a romantic, protective way

Holding your hand, arm around your shoulders, forehead kisses, cheek kisses, his hand on your knee when you're sitting down.

Constantly checking in on you making sure you're okay

always asking you to tell him how you're feeling and what specifically was wrong, kind of annoying but very endearing.

Would sit with you and watch whatever you wanted all day as long as it made you happy.

Would bring you whatever you want. Coffee? picked up. Blanket? on your lap. Heating pad? Plugged in. Takeout? Ordered already.

Genuinely the most thoughtful boyfriend

does everything you want before you even have to ask him it's like he reads your mind

Lets you lay on his chest and fall asleep, not moving until you wake up on your own even if his arm is asleep

Whispers sweet nothings in your ear when he thinks you're asleep but sometimes you hear them

"You're the most beautiful girl in the world, I'm so lucky to have someone like you"

"Watching you sleep takes my breath away every time"

CEO of cheesy love-sick boyfriend

Reiner:

Acts like Levi on the outside is actually Armin on the inside

Always so worried about you all the time, ESPECIALLY on your period

hates seeing you in pain so does whatever he can to make it better

constantly reminding you to take advil

one of those boyfriends who thinks drinking water will make it better "Just try it babe it can't hurt. It works, I saw it on TikTok"

Totally captivated by you

actually thinks you're really pretty on your period bc he loves seeing your natural beauty

picks you up to carry you to bed so you don't have to walk

Gets you flowers as often as he can to remind you how much he loves you

clueless about periods but very enthusiastic!

"I was talking to Armin and he said vitamin C was good so I got you a bunch of oranges from the store!"

thanks babe...?

Always calls you babe or baby, sometimes princess

you're mainly princess on your period, he wants to make sure you feel special

adores cuddling it's like his favorite thing ever and is so excited when you want to cuddle more because you're on your period

loves feeling how small you are against him and smelling your hair as you're curled into his chest

so possessive

would buy you things constantly

his love language is definitely gift-giving and physical touch

smothers you with hug all. the. time.

not opposed to period sex

would share a hot shower with you to ease your cramps

he'd wash your body for you and kiss the top of your head and your shoulders

would kiss every inch of your body to make you feel beautiful

the most protective boyfriend in the aot universe I said what I said

looks like a big scary grizzly bear on the outside but is a teddy bear on the inside just for you

#anime #aot #attack on titan #jean kirstein #eren yeager #eren jeager #armin arlert #levi ackerman #reiner braun #reiner attack on titan #reiner aot #reiner braun fluff #reiner braun x reader #reiner braun x you #reiner x reader #jean kirstein fluff #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirstein x you #jean kirschstein #jean kirschstein x reader #armin arlert x reader #armin x reader #armin snk #jean snk #jean attack on titan #reiner snk #eren snk #eren aot #eren jeager x reader #eren yeager x you

[mignonricciardo]

a helping hand | fd11

I’m making it my mission to become the premiere felipe drugovich account and feed everyone!!! this comes from a completely self-indulgent place (and on a few asks in my inbox rn with drugo thoughts)

summary: a certain conversation with your best friend leads to him teaching you some things he learned on the road (5.2k words)

warnings: friends-to-lovers, mostly smut, so much praise, mutual masturbation, handjob, cursing, terms of endearment

“Will you ever let me repay you for letting me stay here?” Felipe says from the couch, legs tucked beneath him as he searches for something on the television. 

“There’s really no need to repay me, Felipe,” I answer, reaching to put groceries away on the top shelf. “I’d be staying here alone, so it’s nice to have you here when you’re in town for the team.”

“This is so much better than a hotel,” he smiles, leaning into the couch as he settles on playing music from the television. 

“I’m glad you like my tiny apartment more than the nice hotel Aston Martin was going to get you,” I laugh, still reaching for the top shelf. 

Music starts from the television, a slower bass thumping from the speakers as Drake’s voice rings clear in the apartment. I laugh as Felipe sings along quietly to the rapper’s new album, turning to look at him as his voice grows louder as he comes toward me in the kitchen. He plucks the flour bag from my hands, placing it on the shelf I had been reaching for. His chest brushes my back as he tips forward to leave the product before leaning back against the counter. 

“All you had to do was ask,” he laughs quietly as I keep sorting through groceries.

“You don’t like watching me struggle?” I throw at him, grinning as he scoffs. 

He crosses his arms across his chest, “Only sometimes. Consider that part of my thanks for letting me stay.”

I sigh, “How many times have I told you that you don’t need to thank me? I like having you here. I get to spend time with my best friend and not have to be home alone.”

“I hate crashing your place, though,” he shrugs his shoulders. “I feel like I’m disrupting all your plans when I can only give you a few days notice.”

I turn to face him, mirroring his stance as I lean against the sink and cross my arms over my chest, “What plans would you be interrupting?”

His cheeks tinge pink as he clears his throat, “I don’t know. A date? Bringing a guy over? Maybe a secret situationship you haven’t told me about?”

I can’t help the obnoxious laughter that rips free from my chest. Tears are welling in my eyes I'm laughing so hard, and I’m clutching my stomach as I double over with my back pressed into the counter’s lip. Felipe looks dumbfounded when I stand back up, baffled by my reaction.

“You think I even have anyone to bring over?” I wipe my eyes and can’t contain the grin on my face. “That’s cute, Felipe, but no. I promise you are not interrupting my nonexistent sex life.”

“Seriously? No one?” he asks incredulously, eyebrows raised and head tipped to the side. 

“Seriously,” I nod my head, turning back toward the groceries still sitting on my counter. “I like it this way right now, though. There’s a lot going on, and I’m so busy I don’t really have time for someone.”

“Not even a hookup?” he asks.

I shake my head, “You know that doesn’t work for me, Felipe. I need something a little deeper than a casual hookup.”

He makes another comment to himself, and we settle back into a comfortable silence as he helps me finish putting away groceries. I tackle the fridge while he places stuff on my shelves, listening to my direction when he isn’t sure where I keep things. There’s a nagging feeling deep in my gut—an ever present reminder of my lack of physical touch as of late. I brush it off, noting that I should get back on a dating site just to test the waters. Settled on the couch, Felipe is still singing along to Drake’s new album as we both scroll on our phones. This setting—a comfortable silence that we could spend hours in—is why we’re such good friends. We’re rarely looking for the hustle and bustle of our other friends. When Felipe restarts the album on the television, I can’t help but let my curiosity get the best of me.

“Do you do casual?” I ask quietly.

He stops singing as he looks up from his phone to meet my eyes. He shrugs his shoulders softly, “I have. It’s not really for me, either. Sometimes it’s the only realistic option, though.”

I grin when he reveals this information, “So is there someone on the road? Maybe a torrid paddock love affair?”

He clutches his sides as he laughs, eyes squinting shut as he leans back into the arm of the coach across from me, “You’ve been watching too much Netflix, querida.” 

I swoon at how his voice changes when he speaks Portuguese, always loving his use of the language, and I laugh at his comment, “It’s not so crazy to think, Felipe! You’re this young, successful driver who, by the way, is Brazilian. You speak multiple languages, you’re handsome, you’ve got amazing curls when you let your hair grow long enough. You’re like a full package, no? You’re sweet, love a day at home. It helps that you’re tall, too. Plus, your voice is deep. I know so many girls who would do anything to be with you.”

Felipe is laughing at my comment, but his cheeks are flushed from the onslaught of compliments I just sent his way. I continue as he’s clutching his sides, “I’m just saying! I find it hard to believe you aren’t seeing anyone while you’re traveling or going to these fancy events with an F1 team.”

“Believe it,” he says, stretching his legs out on the couch. “A hand is enough.”

I gasp at his comment, feeling my ears turn blood red and heat rush to my face, “You’re disgusting!”

He’s doubled over in laughter, “You’re the one who was bringing it up!”

“I didn’t ask for details!” I brush my hair back and fan my face. 

He grins at my red cheeks, “Just because you’re not seeing someone doesn’t mean you don’t have to finish. You do know that’s alright, yeah?”

I screech as I cover my ears, “Alright, that’s enough! You still want dinner? I’ll start baking dessert now.”

He’s still laughing as I fly toward the kitchen, “You know I’m right!”

I begin prepping things for dinner, grateful to get my mind off anything other than Felipe and I’s earlier conversation. I’d been jumpy around the conversation of sex in any capacity—a clear indicator I needed to do something soon about my pent up frustration. I huff as I tuck hair behind my ears, unsure if it’s warm in the kitchen or I’m still worked up from the conversation on the couch. The silence is comfortable as music continues playing, and Felipe sings along quietly as he scrolls on his phone. I’m reaching for the bag of flour on the top shelf, pushed a few centimeters too far back that my fingers just brush the outside of the bag. I fall back from my tiptoes as I admit defeat.

“Felipe, will you help me? I can’t reach the flour.”

“Finally you’re listening! Good girl,” he grins, jumping off the couch to help me. He’s smiling as he walks over, reaching for the flour from the shelf. I’m staring dumbly, eyes wide and jaw slack as his words echo in my head. Good girl. He doesn’t notice my dumb stare as he sets it on the counter. “Was it so hard asking for help?”

“Thanks,” I manage to get out, staring at the bag the entire time and refusing to look into his eyes. 

My hands are trembling as I open the bag, fumbling with the sealed lip. He notices it, taking the bag from me to open it. I try to protest, but I send the measuring cups crashing to the floor with my shaking hands. He helps me gather them.

“Are you okay?” he asks gently, brows furrowed as he towers over me in front of the oven. “You’re acting nervous.”

“I’m fine. I just-” 

My words stop, and I just look at him. My hands fidget with the measuring cups, eyes darting to look at the red cups before meeting his eyes. He looks confused, running a hand through his shorter hair and staring at me.

“I’m just a little frustrated, Felipe,” I say quietly, turning to the sink to wash the measuring cups. “Our conversation from earlier made me realize how long it’s been.”

He smiles softly, relaxing into the edge of the counter, “That’s okay, querida. I haven’t been with anyone since right before the season, but-”

“No, Felipe,” I mutter, face burning red as I turn to him and shut off the water. “It’s been a year since I’ve even done anything.”

He stares at me blankly, and his eyes transform to wide saucers as his mouth falls open, “You mean you haven’t even touched yourself?”

My face feels like it’s on fire, and I groan as I tip my head back, “Yes, Felipe, I haven’t even done that! I’ve just—I don’t know, I haven't been able to get there. I’ve been distracted and pent up, and then you just said good girl and I-”

“You like being called that?” he says, cutting me off as a grin takes root on his face. “I’m learning so much about you today. You haven’t even cum in a year, you like being called a good girl-”

“Felipe!” I scold him, face still burning. “Can we please not talk about this?”

“Why, querida?” his voice is quieter, and the rasp in his tone makes my head spin. “You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“I’m not embarrassed. I just-” I spin to face him, and I’m suddenly hyper aware of how close he is. Did he always tower over me like this? Did his cologne always smell this good? I take a steadying breath as I shake my head to try to find some clarity. He waits for me to continue, hand resting on the countertop next to the long-forgotten bag of flour. My voice is quiet as I continue, “I have tried, but I just can’t get there. It’s like I have a mental block or something.”

He hesitates for a moment, biting his lip before he speaks, “Do you want help?”

“What?” I stare at him dumbfounded. 

He’s close to me now, chewing the inside of his lip, and he pushes the bag of flour back from the ledge of the counter. Both of us are suddenly breathing heavier—when did it get hot in here? Felipe’s voice is low as he talks.

“Do you want help? Pointers, maybe,” he whispers. “I have to do this during the season, querida. I can tell you how.”

“Felipe, I-”

Did I want to? I can’t deny Felipe is attractive, but we’re best friends. Whatever this is—whatever he’s suggesting—isn’t what best friends do, but when he muttered good girl earlier or when his chest brushed my back as he put things on shelves for me, I couldn’t deny a part of me had wished it would happen again. 

“Use your words to tell me,” he says quietly.

My eyes flutter shut as I heave in a sharp breath. I can’t get his cologne out of my nose, and my brain wonders what his hands would feel like on my skin. Fuck, this isn’t supposed to happen. 

“We’re friends,” I whisper. “Friends don’t do this.”

“Maybe not, but you’re my best friend. We get to decide what that looks like,” he says, being sure to move no closer to me. “You deserve to let go of the frustration, linda. You deserve to feel good.”

There he goes again with soft spoken words and those terms of endearment that make me swoon. 

“I promise nothing has to change if we don’t want it to,” he continues. “This is entirely up to you, but I don’t want you to make a decision because of me or because you’re scared this changes. We don’t have to change.”

“We don’t?” I ask quietly.

He takes a careful step forward, fingers tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, and his brown eyes capture mine and fill me with a sense of ease, “We don’t.”

“And you’re sure?” I whisper, eyes still locked on him.

He smiles gently with a nod of his head, and he leans in toward my ear, “I’m positive. Do you want to know a secret?”

I nod my head, and he leans in closer so that I can feel his breath on my ear, “I’ve thought about what it’d be like to kiss you. Every time I’m here, I wonder what would happen if I just did it.”

“Felipe,” I breathe, leaning in toward him. 

“Sometimes, when I’m traveling and I can’t relax, I think of you, querida,” he whispers, fingers resting on the other side of my face. “I wonder what you feel like, the noises you make, what you like.”

My fingers clutch the countertop, suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling of Felipe all around me and his words weighing on my brain. He had thought of me?

“How will you help me?” I whisper.

“How do you want me to help you?” he responds, fingers brushing down my cheek and running beneath my jaw. 

My breath hitches as the burning path his fingertip leaves behind, “I want you to tell me what to do.”

“Before I can do that, I need you to tell me what you want exactly, linda,” he whispers. “You can say it. There’s no need to be embarrassed.”

“I want to cum,” I whisper, barely audible as something primal takes over.

“Good girl,” he grins, and a whimper falls from my lips. “Let’s go to your bedroom so you’re comfortable.”

Before I know it, Felipe is following me through the small apartment, our feet echoing down the hallway as I step into my bedroom. Is this happening? He asks if he can kiss me, and I nod my head gently. He rests one of his hands on my cheek, guiding us toward each other, and when our lips meet, my mind goes blank of anything besides him. I gingerly rest my hands around his neck, fingers burying into the short hair beginning to curl at the nape of his neck. Felipe is slow in letting the kiss build, letting me control the pace. I moan when our tongues meet, and I can feel his smile as he continues to kiss me. He moves to leave kisses across my jaw and my neck, and he chuckles quietly at my sharp breathing and stifled whimpers.

“You sound so pretty,” he whispers, and my fingers grip his shirt tightly. “Tell me, querida, why hasn’t it been working for you? What’s holding you back?”

“It’s like I lose focus. I-” I breathe in sharply as his teeth graze my neck. “I can get almost there, but then it disappears.”

“We’ll get you there, baby,” he whispers, and my knees nearly give way at his words. “When you’re ready, we’ll get you there.”

He continues his ministrations along my neck while his hands slip beneath my shirt to ghost fingers across my stomach and hips. He’s tantalizingly slow in his movements, laughing against my skin and grinning when I whimper for more or for him to hurry up. Just the feeling of his hands on my skin and the marks left by his lips have me teetering toward an edge I had missed for so long. 

“Felipe, please,” I whisper. “It’s been so long.”

“Let’s get you on the bed,” he grins, leaving one last kiss against my neck.

I climb onto the bed, sitting near the pillows with my back against the headboard. I pick at my fingers nervously, watching Felipe as he sits toward the foot of the bed. He leans on one of his arms, sinking into the mattress near my knee, and his eyes trace up my body. A haze clouds my brain and fills my senses with Felipe. My skin tingles still where his hands had touched me. With some gentle coaxing, he has me leaning back into the pillows, hips angled on the mattress as my hair fans out around me. I feel his fingers on my ankle, sliding up the fabric of my leggings before resting at the top of my exposed hip. Another whine of his name falls uncontrollably past my lips.

“You have to tell me what you want,” he whispers, grinning as my hips make circles searching for anything from him. “This is about you.”

“I want you to teach me,” I whisper. “Teach me to feel good.”

“Are you going to be good and listen to me?” he asks quietly, a large hand engulfing my hip. I nod my head wildly, another please falling from my lips, and he leans forward to press a kiss to my forehead, “Good girl. I know you’re going to, linda. Lift your hips for me.”

I follow his words without a single hesitation, and his deft fingers dip beneath the waistband of my leggings to pull them from my skin. He tugs the fabric down my legs gently, dropping it to the floor, and he inhales sharply through his nose when he returns back to face me. His eyes are focused on my hips, fascinated by the wet spot on my underwear, and the whine that falls from my lips brings his attention back to my face.

“You’re already so wet,” he grins, hand trailing from my knee to my thigh. “That’s good, baby. You’re good. So, so pretty.”

“Felipe, please, I’m going crazy. I-”

All my words stop as pleasure racks my body in ways I never thought possible. He’s pressing a single digit to my clit, and the sensation is almost enough to send me over the edge. My jaw is wide open as if I were gasping, but no noise or breath makes its way out of me. I’m utterly speechless and breathless—lost in the feeling of Felipe pressing a nimble finger against me. He makes a singular slow circle, dragging the wet fabric across my clit, and that’s when a high-pitched whine makes its way past my lips followed by a string of expletives. 

“You’re so sensitive, querida,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to my stomach that nearly sends me over the edge with how close he is to my clit. “You never felt like this touching yourself?”

I shake my head, and he clicks his tongue against his teeth as he shakes his head, “That’s a shame, baby. You should be able to feel good whenever you want. You own your own pleasure.”

I’m lost as he continues his slow circles, and his words string together in my brain. My body reacts to his voice, relishing in the raspy tone filling the room. I’m begging him to take my underwear off before I realize it, and he laughs quietly at my desperate attempts to grind my hips further against his hand. 

“Can I see all of you?” he whispers, and I suddenly freeze as his fingers begin to lift the hem of my t-shirt. 

He waits for me to answer, and when I nod my head softly, he whispers thank you before gently pulling the shirt over my head. He removes my bra in the same careful fashion, groaning when my peaked nipples are revealed to him. I cross my arms across my chest, starting to squirm away from him because of how exposed I feel. 

“You’re so pretty,” he whispers, hands resting on my hips. “Don’t cover up around me, linda. You’re perfect.” 

He begins leaving kisses on my collarbone as my defenses drop, and he’s whispering compliments into my skin as his lips trail across my chest and shoulders. Felipe pays careful attention to his featherlight kisses while his fingers rub circles into my hips. By the time he has made it to the waistband of my underwear, I no longer feel exposed as my fingers curl into his hair. He gets confirmation before he gently tugs the fabric down my legs. A nagging thought in the back of my head screams about being naked in front of him, but I’m too caught up in pleasure to care. 

“Felipe, please touch me,” I groan. “Please, I want to cum.”

“You will, baby,” he whispers, pressing two fingers against me again as I gasp. “You’re going to do it, though. You need to be able to pleasure yourself before someone else can. I’ll be here talking you through it, but you need to know your own fingers.”

“Felipe,” I whimper his name as he grabs my hand, replacing his fingers with mine. 

I gasp at the change in sensation, his warm fingers replaced by my cold ones.

“Good girl,” he whispers, knowing the term will set me off as it had in the kitchen. “You listen to me so well—so eager to do what I tell you to do. I know you like it when I tell you how good you are.”

“I love it,” I choke out, finding a rhythm against my clit that has me clenching the duvet in my other hand. “Fuck, I love it.”

“Can you go a little faster for me, linda?” his hands are gripping my thighs, and it causes me to cry out as I pick up the pace. Obscene sounds fill the room as I feel the knot forming deep in my stomach, and Felipe speaks lowly as he does, “There you go. Good girl.”

“Can I touch you?” I gasp. “Please.”

He smiles softly, brushing hair back from my flushed face, “This is about you, though. Don’t worry about me.”

“I want to,” my voice is choked as the pleasure mounts, clouding my brain as I squeeze my eyes shut. “I want to feel you, Felipe. I want you to feel good, too. Let me do that.”

“Fuck,” he groans as he stands from the bed, and I stop rubbing my clit to watch him. He lifts his brows as he looks at me, hands hesitating at the waistband of his sweats, and I nod my head as a promise that this is something I want. He follows quickly, letting his sweats fall, and my eyes are met with the sight of his cock straining against the fabric of his boxers. He groans when he sees my expression—biting my lip and eyes wide as I unabashedly stare at him. I reach out toward him, fingers gently tracing along the cock as he gasps, and he lets me dip my fingers beneath the waistband to discard it on the floor. 

“You’re so pretty,” I whisper, fingers gently tracing along the veins and circling around the flushed pink head. “Felipe, you’re perfect.”

“Linda, I-” he groans. “Fuck, you’re so good.”

“How do you touch yourself?” I whisper, hand softly wrapping around him. 

He gasps as my hand grips him, “This isn’t about me. This is for you.”

“Will you show me?” I whisper, eyes cast toward his face as my fingers continue their slow movements on him. “I want you to feel good, too.”

“You want me to show you how I touch myself?” he asks quietly, voice raspy at the overwhelming feeling of my hand on him. 

I look fucked out already—cheeks flushed and chest heaving, hair wild and eyes lidded. Felipe agrees, settling at the foot of the bed across from me. We’re propped up across from each other, tipped toward our respective ends of the bed frame to watch the other, and a heavy silence hangs between us. His shorter hair is curling from the warmth in the room, small curls near his hairline, and he watches me with hooded eyes as my eyes trace his body. 

“Go ahead, baby,” he whispers, nodding toward me. “Spread your legs a little wider for me. There you go.”

I gasp as my fingers work circles against my clit, a part of me wishing they were his instead. Pleas and his name are falling from my lips in desperate whimpers, and they only grow in volume when I see his hand stroking his cock. He’s groaning as he does, breath hitching and gentle praise falling from his lips as he watches me. It’s a twisted game—watching the other get themselves off. Heat races up my spine as my legs shake, and I can feel the coil in my stomach tightening as my hips buck against my hand.

“Felipe, it’s not enough. Please,” I cry, any sense of shame out the window as I desperately search for something more.

“I’ve got you, querida. Keep going,” he groans, shifting on the bed as he abandons his own pleasure. 

His hand settles over mine on my clit, pressing down on my hand and slipping between my fingers for constant friction. I lose myself—legs spasming as I come crashing down. It takes me by surprise. When my fingers stop, he continues to draw out my climax, and I’m writhing on the bed as I whimper with one hand curling around his wrist. 

“So fucking pretty,” he rasps, fingers stilling but resting over my pussy. “I’m so proud of you. You did it, baby, even with a little help. You did so, so well.”

I’m just nodding my head dumbly, eyes shut as my hips grind slowly against his hand before stilling. My heart is pounding as blood pumps through me, and it feels like every part of my body is throbbing and heavy with exhaustion. He leans forward to leave kisses across my face and neck, gentle kisses as he whispers praise into my skin. It takes a while before my eyes crack open. 

“Felipe, you need to finish,” my voice is raspy as I start to sit up.

My legs are still shaking as I shift to a kneeling position, and his hands steady my hips while I move. Rough palms slide against my slick skin, and butterflies erupt at the warmth of the contact.

“I’m okay, love. This was about you,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Please, let me do this,” I whisper, hand gingerly reaching between his legs to brush against his head. “I want you to feel good. I want to know what you feel like, what you sound like.”

He groans loudly, letting a string of curse words from all his languages slip from his tongue. My hand grips him, sliding slowly up and down his cock to feel the velvety skin and protruding vein. I go no faster until he answers.

“Fuck, go ahead,” he rasps, eyes squeezing shut as he focuses on my warm palm around him. “We should’ve done this before now.”

He continues to let praise and comments slip past his lips, interrupted by cursing and sudden groans as my hand works faster up and down his cock. My thumb slips across his tip, smearing precum across the flushed skin, and I can’t help but moan at the sight of his hips bucking into my hand. When he whimpers faster, my wrist flexes as I work him, and I lean forward to leave kisses against his neck and jaw. His hips start to stutter as his thighs flex, and I already know he’s tipping over the edge before he chokes out a warning. White hot warmth lands on my skin, and I relish in the nosies he’s making—trying to commit them to memory before he stops. 

“Come here,” he whispers, fingers curling beneath my jaw and pulling my lips toward his. “You’re so good for me. You’re so beautiful.”

It’s soft and warm and full of gentle caresses, and I sigh into the kiss out of pure content. When he breaks away, he tells me he’ll be right back before disappearing into the bathroom. He returns with a washcloth in hand, and he whispers continued praise and compliments as he wipes my skin clean before turning to his own. 

“Felipe,” I whisper as his hands continue to knead my hips and thighs, easing some of the ache that had begun to set in my muscles. 

He shushes me, leaving soft kisses on my jaw and cheek, “We’ll talk about it, linda. I promise. Right now, just let me take care of you.”

I nod my head, letting him continue his lazy kisses and gentle squeezes. He kneads any tension from my body before letting me lay back on the bed. He follows suit, hair fanning out around his head as he wraps an arm around my waist. I curl into him, relishing the warmth of his bare skin against mine. We’re like puzzle pieces beneath the duvet—slotting together perfectly with legs tangles and cheek against his chest. We stay here for a while, talking about random things as we relish each other’s company. My stomach suddenly growls, interrupting our conversation as he laughs gently.

“You were making dinner, weren’t you? I’m sorry I pulled you away,” he laughs quietly, reaching toward the nightstand for his phone. “What do you want to eat? I’ll order something.”

“Dumplings,” I grin, tipping my chin on his chest to look up at him. “Thank you.”

He nods, brushing hair back from my face, “Anything for you.”

I listen as his phone is set back on the table, and I wait for him to look back toward me. He tips his eyebrows when our eyes meet, and his smile starts growing as he sees my grin. 

“What is it?” he asks, chuckling when my cheeks flush pink.

“Well, since you said anything,” my fingers crawls up his bare chest, brushing over a sprinkling of short hair. “I want you inside of me.”

His jaw drops open as he groans, but a laugh follows his reaction, “You’re really going to hold me to my words?”

I nod my head, “You’re the one who said I should know what it’s like to feel good.”

He hesitates for a moment, eyes searching my expression for any sign I may be lying. My eyes light up when a smile spreads deeper onto his face, and he sighs in defeat as he tosses his chin toward the phone. 

“Check when the delivery gets here,” he laughs, and I’m scrambling for the phone before he finishes.

“45 minutes,” I answer, throwing my leg over his hips. “Think that’s enough?”

He laughs as he nods his head, large hands sliding up the back of my thighs as his eyes follow my face, “Trying to make up for the last year?”

I nod my head, grinding a slow circle into his hips. He groans, and I feel his cock hardening beneath me again, “And then some.”

Felipe grins at my answer, using my hips as leverage to push me further against him, “That’s my girl. Always knowing what she wants.”

#felipe drugovich imagine #felipe drugovich smut #f2 imagine #f2 smut #f1 imagine #f1 smut #felipe drugovich x reader

[unluckyhoneybee]

Tattoos and other stuff. (Arber Xhekaj)

Discovering your tattoos had better consequences than he thought. Note: This is p*rn with little plot. Tattooed!Reader. Warning: +18. Arber. Fingering. Penetrative s*x (p in v). Oral s*x (both receiving)<.

"I didn't know you had tattoos" You heard behind you.

You turned around in your chair and looked at Arber sitting with his legs spread and his back against the wall. He had been in silence for ten minutes, waiting for you to fix some stuff for him.

"Surprise?" You giggled. "Which one did you see?"

"That corner down there. Your ankle"

You smiled and lifted your trouser. "Slaf loves this one"

The lines crept up your shin and calf drawing shapes that guided his eyes higher.

"Slaf?"

"Mhm" You turned around and kept working on your computer. "He saw it some weeks ago"

Why did Arber feel jealous? You were just the media girl, he had no say over you. Not that he should. But there was literally nothing tying you.

You picked a piece of liquorice gummy.

"Do you have more?" He asked while playing with the edge of his shorts and eying his own.

"Yeah. A couple." You shrugged it off.

Arber found himself obsessed with the idea. He wanted to see them. He wanted to see more. He needed to. He was constantly trying to get a peek at the ink in your leg. He needed to know why Juraj was so fascinated.

.

.

.

"Here" A huge hand presented itself right in front of your face.

You looked up and smiled sweetly before taking it. "Thanks, Arber" You said as you climbed out of the cab.

"No problem"

"Guys! Hurry up" A very excited and vibrating Cole called for you.

"Cutest kid out there" You giggled and walked in his direction.

Arber rolled his eyes and wondered if Cole had seen them too. You seem a bit closer to him. He was actually the one that had begged you to go out with them. The other kids and I are going out and you have to come too.

Your trousers were long and wide-legged and you were wearing a turtle-neck crop top. Your arms and most of your body were covered by your black clothes. But there was that part of your belly that the fabric couldn't hide. Is that another one?

"Hey. Wake up" Juraj slammed his shoulder to his when he walked pass.

You danced and laughed with the boys for hours. You were truly having fun but your feet were staying to get tired of the heeled boots.

"Never ever wear heels, Sheriff" you said sitting on the stool next to him.

He peeked another tattoo on your wrist and smiled to himself.

"Not on my plans. Plus... Do they make heels for big guys?"

"I hope not." You giggled.

"I'd look fabulous"

"Never said the opposite" You teased back.

He laughed and moved so he was standing closer to you. "What do you drink? It's on me"

"Some soda, please" You answered with a sweet smile. You weren't going to deny a drink from a pretty boy.

He smiled. "Keeping it easy tonight?"

"I always do"

He leaned forward the bar and asked for the drinks before turning to you.

"How's work?"

Like that, you started a long conversation that made you both forget about time. It was so easy to talk to him, to joke, to tease,... You weren't sure why you hadn't done it before.

"Hey" Juraj appeared out of nowhere and hugged your shoulders. "We should go back home and end the night in there. Jordan said they are closing soon"

Arber felt again that jealousy tickle on his belly, but his smile distracted you.

"That's great." You said. "I just hope you guys are paying my Uber later. I live on the other fucking side of the city"

"You can crash there." Arber said. "I'll drop you tomorrow"

You smiled with a funny feeling in your belly.

"Perfect then"

Back at theirs, everyone flopped in the sofas. You had lost half of the group, some saying they were tired, others just sneaking hand in hand with their partners.

But there you were, barefoot and getting yourself another soda. "I'm gonna be so bloated in the morning." You said patting your belly.

Arber laughed. "Better bloated than hangover"

"Wise words"

He was so fucking gone for you. He couldn't stop looking at you. He had even found himself fighting Kaiden for the place next to you. Kaiden didn't mind, he didn't thought mcuh of it and was pretty happy to have the armchair for him and his girlfriend.

"I can't even pronounce that word" Juraj complained while trying to read the Trivia card.

You chuckled at his frustrated state. Cole was nice enough to help him.

You turned your face to look at Arber and found he was closer than before. His arm was over the back of the sofa and you were basically tucked on his side.

"Hi" He whispered.

"Hi"

"All good?"

"Would you be nice enough to lend me some comfy clothes? This jeans are fabulous but I'm tired."

Arber chuckled and nodded. "Hey guys, we'll be back in a second. I'm gonna give her a pijama"

You both walked down the corridor unaware of everyone's looks. You missed the wiggle of Juraj eyebrows and everyone else trying to not laugh.

"Okay. Um... A shirt... And now... Maybe shorts?"

You leaned against the back and watched him search around the drawers. His back muscles looked tight under the cotton t-shirt and wow... You'd kill to run your nails down there.

"YN"

"Mhm" You snapped back and your cheeks warmed.

"These?"

"Yeah. They are fine. Thank you very much"

Arber nodded and passed you the clothes. It was quick, but your fingers brushed and you felt a wave of electricity run over you. Arber swallowed the thick lump on his throat and tried to not think about you on his clothes.

You walked to the bed and he walked out, but just as he turned to close the door, you were taking the tight top off. He gasped. Arber loudly gasped when he saw your inked figure only covered by that pink bralette and black trousers.

You turned around with the top pressed to your chest.

Arber was frozen. You said you had a couple more tattoos, not your whole skin covered by them. Your arms had different tattoos over them. Then he could see something on your belly and those he had seen in your back. You were beautiful. The most beautiful woman he had seen.

"Arber..."

"I-I..." He started saying without even thinking of the words. "Wow."

It was genuine and you smiled. He nervously laughed and you chuckled.

"They are amazing. You look beautiful, YN" He confessed.

His fingers were white due to the pressure he was putting on the knob.

"Thank you" You softly said. "Do you want to see them?"

Arber nodded and walked back in. From outside, Kaiden laughed when he saw his friend going back into the room.

The sound of the door closing sent chills down your spine and encouraged you to left the top aside. Arber swallowed when he saw your pink lace claded chest.

"I thought you said you had a couple" He smirked when he was right before you and towering over you.

"Well..."

"Has Juraj seen these too?"

You bit your lip and devilishly smile. "Are you jealous, Xhekaj?" If he only knew how unfounded his little tantrum was.

He rolled his eyes. "Not really. At the end you are here with me, aren't you?"

Fuck... He had no business being that hot.

"Sure I am"

He lifted his hand and his fingers met the tattoo on your shoulder. The black ink draw shapes in your skin, a flower.

"It's a magnolia"

His fingers kept traveling down your arm, more plants, a butterfly, words... He was truly fascinated. You felt like floating. He was stanstanding so close and he was so tall and strong. It made you dizzy and you couldn't ignore anymore the throb between your legs. You wanted nothing more than this. Whatever it was. He had you on the palm of his hand.

His eyes swifted to your chest, there were no tattoos in there yet. It didn't mean they didn't look fabulous in the pink lingerie. But he didn't want to be disrespectful and he skipped to your left arm. This time, his warm hand grabbed you by the elbow and he moved your arm to get a look in your inner bicep. "A mermaid" He said with a smile.

"Do you like it?" You muttered.

"It's beautiful" He smiled and looked at your eyes.

There was something in them that got his attention. Desire. You wanted him. You were looking at him with desire in your eyes. Your lips were half open and wet. Arber's trousers already felt too tight. It's going to happen. But he wanted to play. He needed to hear you beg at least once.

His big hands delicately moved over your arms as he closely observed your tattoos. "You are really pretty, YN"

You smiled and took another step closer. "Am I?"

Arber nodded. His eyes yer moving between yours and your lips.

"You can do it. I won't complain"

He chuckled and cupped your cheeks. Arber took a moment to run his thumb over your skin, which made you shiver and step forward. With a smile, he leaned and kissed your lips.

His mouth was sweet like his drink and warm and he moved his lips slow. You already loved it and needed more. So much more. So you hooked your fingers on his jeans and pulled him flush against you. Obviously, the height gap was there, but who really cared? He was quick grabbing your ass, a handful of it that made you moan on his mouth and wrap your arms around his neck. Your fingers found the dark strands of hair and gently pulled them. On your tip toes, your balance wasn't the best, but one hand on the back of your neck and another under the curve of your ass were enough to keep you in place.

But he pulled back and licked his lips. "Fuck Arber. You must be the hottest guy out there" You groaned.

He chuckled.

"I'm flattered" He brushed your wet lips with his thumb.

"You'd be hotter in your knees, tho"

He rolled his eyes and stole another kiss. He knew you had a pretty loose tongue. He had seen you chirping his friends like no one else. But this? It made him painfully hard.

"Is that what you want?" He wouldn't let you win so easily. "Beg for it" He said grabbing your chin with his fingers.

You surprised him. He thought you would be... More bratty? He didn't even know.

"Please" You said with a smile.

He laughed and kissed your lips. "A bit more?"

"Could you pretty please get on your knees for me?"

He dropped to the floor making you laugh. Then he realized that more than beg you had simply asked nicely. He was putty in your hands and that was a fact. But he couldn't care less. He would do anything you asked him for.

"Cute" You whispered.

He shook his head in disbelief and reached to open the button in your trousers. He wasn't ready for the matching lace panties that you were wearing. They barely hid anything but hugged your hips so perfectly. Plus... The fucking tattoos reached everywhere.

"Fuck..."

"Did you lock the door?"

"They know better than to come and bother."

You bit your lip and clenched your thighs at the thought. Anyone could walk in. You knew the guys and they were just a bunch of idiots. But also the way Arber spoke... They wouldn't dare to come. Arber had that smirk of his on his lips and it was driving you insane.

"Wanna see something else?" You teased.

"Whatever you have to show me"

So you took your bra off and Arber gasped. "Those too?" Little metallic piercings adorned your nipples and made them look perky. "Fuck, you want to kill me"

You giggled and leaned forwards slightly to grab his hands. He swallowed and observed how you guided his movements. You were already trembling. Your nipples were really sensitive against his palms and his hands were big enough to grab the whole breast. Arber followed your lead and touched you just how you were asking him to do. You never let go of his hands, though.

"Is that how you like it?" He asked with his eyes on yours. You nodded and closed your eyes. "You are perfect."

He pulled you even closer and planet his lips on your belly. Slow and wet kisses, moved up to your chest and he sucked one of your nipples between his lips.

You moaned so sweetly and felt your panties dampening. "Oh Fuck"

Arber took his sweet time savouring your skin. He tasted the moth tattoo in your belly, the rose on your hip, the hydrangea in your upper thigh, the finch in above your knee, then back up to the ivy in your inner thigh, the love written in your other thigh, the little fish in you inner wrist and the song lyrics in your rib cage. You forgot about anything else, closed your eyes and focused on his lips. You focused on how they felt as he sucked marks on your breasts and his tongue played with the metal buds in your nipples. You were barely conscious of him taking your pantie off until he attached his mouth to your centre.

You had to cover your mouth to not moan loudly. Arber was looking at you and he would never forget the face you made. Fuck. He got really invested in it, he wanted you to feel good. If he could, he would ruin everyone else. He wanted you only for him. He couldn't let you go after this.

But to be honest, it was uncomfortable. He was a big guy and the posture was awkward. So he didn't even thought twice. He turned you around and you yelped. Then a big hand pressed on your lower back and you bent forward.

"Oh wow..." It was quite a picture to remember. Even more when you leaned and laid face down on the edge. "Fuck baby... You will end me"

You bit your lip and wiggled your ass and he looked at your ass cheeks and smiled. "Well, your wish is my command"

You felt his teeth sinking and you smiled while whimper left your lips. Bite me was written in bold capital letters.

"I fucking love this" He whispered against your skin before grabbing both ass cheeks.

"P-please..." You were already desperate to feel his wet mouth again.

Arber dive in again and it was even better than before. His mouth was everywhere. You were desperately grabbing into the sheets and biting down your hand to not be loud. But it was impossible. You were a whimpering mess as his tongue played with you and his lips sucked on those sensitive spots. He was eating you out like a starved man and his hands kept you in place, pressed against his hard and letting you know you wouldn't be done until he wanted to.

At some point, he leaned back for air and decided that he wanted it for longer. One of his fingers ran over your entrance.

"Arber... Please... Do something..." You weakly whispered. The pleasure had you shaky and you could barely move. You needed to come. It was coiling in your belly and you felt like you would explode.

two of his fingers quickly entered you and you whimpered against your hand. As he moved them slowly, Arber leaned forward and kissed your head. "You make the prettiest sounds, baby" He pressed another kiss on your cheek and then nibbled your earlobe.

His fingers were thick and stretching you so nicely. "T-he other w-ay" You choked out.

Arber obeyed and moved his finger in the opposite way.

You gasped for air and pushed your ass back against his hand. He bit his lip. He had you basically against his thighs, naked and shaky, not being able to form a single word. His fingers were moving exactly in the way you liked them the most, pressing against your sweet spot and making the pleasure grow faster than ever. "A-arbie..."

He kissed the curve of your back where a tattoo of a bird looked up at him. "Tell me, baby"

"I...I... Your mouth"

"You want my mouth again?"

"Y-yes... Please..."

With another bite in the Bite me tattoo, Arber pulled his fingers out and you took a deep breath. "Such a good girl"

You looked back at him, who had a smug smirk on his lips. "The best" And then you threaded your fingers on his black hair and pulled him closer to your centre. A low laugh grumbled on his chest as he grabbed your ass cheeks again and resumed his work.

"Fuck, you are so good at this" You told him.

Arber started thinking about how he maybe had a little praise kink because those words drove him crazy.

It was a matter of time before you came undone. Your sweet sounds were muffled by the sheets and your and, but your breath was loud filling the room. Arber lapped at you until you let go of his hair and tried to pull away.

His initial plan of eating you out until he got tired of it would need to wait because his need to be inside you was actually bigger now.

When he pulled back, you whined. You didn't even know why. You just did. Probably it was because of the relief you felt.

"You are so sweet, baby" He said and kissed your shoulder.

Arber picked your chin and kissed your lips, letting you taste yourself. The kiss was slow and deep. His tongue was roaming around your mouth.

When he pulled back, he let you sit in the bed before grabbing you and throwing you to the centre of it. "Fuck, that was hot" You chuckled out of breath.

Arber looked down at you as he undressed. He knew well what it was doing to you. On your post-orgasm haze, your eyes looked hungry for more. Your finger was drawing patterns in your belly as you concentrated on his moves.

"You are so... ugh" You groaned and leaned back on the bed. "You have to look like that and be that goo with your mouth and...AH!"

With a smooth move and a smile, Arber flipped you so you were now on your belly. "But I want to see you..." You pouted looking back. "Shit"

Perfect. That's how he looked.

"I also like your tattoo, by the way"

He smiled and climbed over you, one big hand tracing a path up your side and to the back of your head. He kissed you deeply once more and laid his weight on you. You huffed a bit.

Arber blindly reached into the drawer and pulled a condom out of it. He outted it on and caressed your cheek.

"Ready?"

"I have for the last half an hour"

He laughed and kissed your shoulder. Then, he positioned himself between your legs and...

"A pillow" You remembered. Clumsily, you put a pillow under your hips and wiggled your ass. He couldn't contain himself and spanked it.

You gasped and heat crept to your cheeks.

"You like it..." He teased.

"Shut up"

He spanked you again and you groaned.

"Are you going to fuck me or should I call Slaf?"

It was quick, he slid in you with no resistance and you choked on your breath. He closed his eyes for long seconds, needing a minute to get used to the feeling of your walls around him.

"Don't have anything to say now?"

"F-fuck you"

He couldn't stop kissing your face. He was fucking you deep and hard, strong thrusts of his hips made the whole bed move, but his hands were gentle and sweet with you and his lips kept you grounded with a soft kiss. Until at some point, your sounds were getting dangerously loud and he had to cover your mouth with one big hand..

It was hot. Probably the hottest thing you had done. And you took notes to ask him to put those hands around your neck instead the next time. When your friends weren't outside and probably heard the bed slamming against the wall.

But who really cared? Not you. You hadn't even realized that there was now music sounding outside because they had been more clever to muffle the sounds even before they could hear them.

You could only think of Arber, of his weight and strength as he pushed deep in you and the sounds he made.

"You feel so good... fuck..." He panted in your ear. "You are too good for me... shit... I think I'm going crazy..."

You moaned against his hand and closed your eyes. Did you want to cry? You did. It was so intense and the prior orgasm was still present. You knew you wouldn't last and Arber knew it too. He had already learnt your sounds. He had them all memorized.

And when you did, your fist clenched hard around the pillow and your other hand on his hip when you grabbed back into him. He hissed when he felt the sharp pain of your nails digging into his skin.

"Shh... Want them all to hear you?"

You came down your high with breathy moans but Arber kept moving against you until he felt his own orgasm building. "I'm going to..."

"Let me" You whimpered.

Arber pulled out and watched you get on your fours. You were tired but you wanted to make the last effort. He felt proud of himself when he saw how you were shaking. Then you took him in your mouth and he was gone. You didn't need much to have him coming. A delicate hand kept you in place but free enough to move back if you needed to.

"Shit..." He groaned when you pulled back with teary eyes and your lips wet with saliva.

You were both kneeling now in front of each other out of breath and what felt like the best sex in your life.

You cleaned your mouth with your hand and smiled at him.

"Fuck..."

Arber cupped your face and kissed you deeply. You grabbed him and crawled close. You gave yourself the pleasure to caress his body. The slow make-out session was enough for you to relax. When you pulled back, Arber smiled.

"That was..."

You giggled and nodded. "Yes"

"Not a one-time thing, right? I will hate you if you disappear now" HE said still cupping your face.

"I'd be crazy if I do that" You said with your hands on his waist.

"I like you" He confessed in the softest tone. It felt great to say it.

You bit your lip and your heart went mad. "Take me out" You said.

"Now?"

"No, not now, idiot"

He laughed and kissed you again.

"Saturday?"

"That's perfect" You pecked his lips and pushed his sweaty hair back. "Can we shower?"

He smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. You rolled your eyes and pushed his chest. And yes, you had another round in the shower before sleeping like two babies.

In the morning, you kissed his shoulder and cheek before getting the clothes he was supposed to give you last night. Outside, you found Slaf sleeping on the sofa.

You moved around the kitchen and looked for the things you needed to start with breakfast. Until you heard heavy steps behind you.

"Morning"

"Morning, Juraj"

"It's nice to see you standing this morning, YN"

You showed him a finger and he laughed.

"Dickhead"

"I told you he would like those them. What did I say? They will drive him nuts"

You laughed and nodded. "You were right, kiddo"

"Not a kid, YN"

"Yeah, whatever"

Arber found you two laughing in the kitchen but he didn't feel that jealousy anymore.

"Hey"

You turned to look at him and smiled to yourself when you saw him only wearing sweats.

"Good morning"

"Indeed" He said and walked to you before side hug you and kissing your head. "Smells good"

"Yeah. Juraj, wake Jordan up and tell him breakfast is ready"

"Mum and Dad need alone time, understood"

Arber and you laughed but as soon as he was out, Arber cupped your cheeks and gave you a sweet good morning kiss.

"What were you laughing at?"

You bit your lip and winked at him. "A secret of ours"

You wouldn't tell Arber that when he had been dying of jealousy, Juraj had been encouraging you to talk more to him and had convinced you that Arber actually liked you.

#arber xhekaj #ax #smut #fic #nhl

[system-of-a-feather]

So I'm off work and like 85-90% just Riku, so I wanted to explain Fei (name to be revised, but Fei is a placeholder we went ".... best we got rn but maybe we will think of something better later") and for now, I might talk about Fei more in "object" terms due to Fei being more of a mindset from my Riku-only perspective which is the perspective I am currently in

Either way, our system's main hosts and fronters have honestly become pretty accustomed to being co-front and understanding one another enough that we kinda don't sweat active listening to one another cause its a lot more intuitive; and combine that with the last weekend being extremely peaceful and nice we really didn't care much to "ruin" the moment by sweating overt internal listening when we could be enjoying the external present - and as a result most of the time on the weekends, we really just settled in a state where we just shrugged at "whose out" and just existed as an amorphous unit

And so that was carrying over into the drive to work today and we were talking about it and our Wishiwashi Healing Direction and just kinda figured we should welcome and name that state for communications sake and to normalize it as an option so we can build the habit of letting ourselves rest in that "*shrug* Many Parts Up Vaguely Fused without Blurring and Dont Really Care" state when it benefits us

And so tentatively, as Fei, we decided to name that state Fei.

And so Fei will start appearing in the tag sign offs here and there (unless we figure out a name we like better) but Fei isn't so much an "alter" perse as much as a temporary state of mass fusion that we hold when being multiple parts seems to be more effort than being whole.

It's not inherently a final fusion either, otherwise wed probably use our chosen name as Fei was pretty sure some of the elders still floated around, but by the nature of the "don't really care, the fused state I'm in right now feels good and I don't wanna to ruin it by overthinking and overcomplicating the concept of identity" - Fei isn't really any specific parts fused.

And so its some fusion fuckery we are deciding to try to normalize in our system cause at least the four hosts in this brain very much enjoyed being Fei while still knowing we could seperate and redifferentiate whenever.

But yeah, our system really has decided to say fuck the final fusion, functional multiplicity false dichotomy. We can fuse and """split""" (better term would be differentiate imo) as we feel the will and need to cause the concept of "I" is a fake illusory premise anyways

#alter: riku #alter: fei #fusion fuckery #dissociative identity disorder #actuallydid

[granitenotgranted]

I'm gonna need ur reaction and thoughts about the RaM finale once you've watched it

I only watched it yesterday so im not gonna have any hot and spicy new takes for yall but ya girl DID have some thoughts lets go (obviously spoiler warning)

thank you SO SO much for asking!! I’m honored that you want my takes<33

Listen I hate to say it but I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!! GOD!!! 😭😭😭

I just need to come out here and say this but first of all I dont think Rick replacing himself was really a bad thing,,,, like at all LMAO especially knowing that it was Rick who made him I mean it was more than just a replacement he was made to be the grandpa he wants for morty but he just knows he can’t be right now.

I can fully understand how it would absolutely feel like a betrayal to Morty but looking at it as a viewer I mean Rick was fully spiraling, to me his intentions were completely pure. Also I thik im just grateful they gave us a time stamp for when the swap was made so we didnt have to wonder forever how much of Rick this season was Rick. He still did piss master, he still kept Jerry blissfully ignorant just out of good will, he STILL WILLINGLY WENT TO THERAPY. All these wouldve been out the window if theyd overlooked that detail. 

Him recognizing that he was starting to go off the deep end again and not only removing himself but having his familys best interest in mind ( “Im no good to anyone until I resolve this” ) while doing so AND literally while mad at Morty is still INSANE character growth from where we started but this way is REALISTIC character growth. It was WEIRD how black and white the difference between literally yhe last two episodes and even just the rest of the season (which has famously been Rick in his peak good grandpa career) was. At some points it felt like I was reading fanfiction.

(Why do his knees look like that oh my god) Rick is fully capable of recognizing where he can be better, he always has been, he is not stupid *however* he is CLUTCHING onto the idea of being more logical than sentimental by the fucking neck rn. Men will literally build an anatomically flawless ai to be the perfectly calculated percentage nicer to their grandson and to be the man they wish they were before just going back to therapy.

Someone else mentioned this but ill also point out how much I appreciated just seeing Rick working? Like just in his space completely focused building shit with his brain and hands that hit the fucking spot. 9/10 times we only get the finished product and idk if its just me but I love when we SEE Rick living up to the Rick Sanchez tm reputation.

And Morty... my sweet summer child. It is not at all a shiny new take to say oh he’s so done with ricks shit we all know that but I really really want to point out something that I’m not really sure what point I’m trying to make with but have we noticed almost a switch morty flips when on adventures? He cried because Christmas was ruined like not even a full 6 hours before he was fully ready to kill a man while looking him in the eyes. Maybe the two were cause and effect idk bht I think that’s definitely something present in other episodes too this sorta “just get it done” attitude.

Also how much he sounded like rick this ep? That whole “don’t be too flattered he’s been actively trying to die” sounded EXACTLY like a Rick line I literally had to play it again. And the complete apathy for robo rick wanting to die until he ACTUALLY lunged himself into the void was also just textbook rick bullshit. Like grandfather like goddamn grandson.

The ending to me was a little disappointing tbh I think I was hoping for a more,,, structured? Cliffhanger? Like we dk what’s gonna happen in this storyline instead of the introduction to a new storyline yk? MAYBEEE I’m just salty we have to wait another year for more you can’t prove anything.

Rick being borderline manic ab RP at the end was my favorite it’s nice to see him just rant ab anything really and like not make some bullshit elaborate Halloween house to take his anger out but just legit vent ab what this guys been doing to him for the past fucking 40 years. I didn’t even notice the ep was over when the credits rolled in my mind we were only like 10 minutes in and I lost my MIND when mr poopy butthole pulled up again good to see he’s thriving (kinda)

On a final note when he called him Rick prime please let me know if I’m off but is that not an internet term for him? Like the fandom came up with it? Rick and morty writers are tumblerinas confirmed question mark?

And lastly: Neurotypical. Cooties.

#I don’t want to edit this post anymore than I have accept this or nothing #god I have so much to say ab robo rick too but this was getting too long #thank you for the ask!! <33 #rick and morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #summer smith #jerry smith #rnm #talk to me guys!! what do we think!!

[alovelyburn]

It’s an old ask and can’t find it rn but just imo grifflotte is miserable. Griffith, even with all of his power, is again in a way “forced” to use his body and charms to achieve his goal, something we see quite a lot happening in his youth and being his big issue. He has everything that should allow him to actually make his dream come true, but he still needs to pay a prize for it. I’m not saying it’s the same as Gennon, but the theme is always there. Charlotte being happy is also not the best? Like, I think it’s mostly narrative fault and the way women are presented in the story, but it is so sad. She is happy because she is manipulated into that happiness and lives through fantasy of some kind. And I hate how it can be interpreted as positive. And I do think theres a big chance we gonna see a child too, but I hate the idea of that kid inheriting Griffith kingdom and being destined to rule it, without the baggage (quite popular theory in normal side of the fandom) instead of an actual princess with good ideas who should already have much more growth tbh. It’s like her character ultimately gets turned into just incubator for the next cycle. Not the worst fate in berserk but I hate it so much. Women in berserk are better-ish than most characters we used to but that don’t make them good. But hey, that’s just me wanting more

All right, I think I get where you're coming from now. It's just not how my head works, so I had to kind of adjust my perspective a little. When someone says a relationship is miserable my assumption is that they mean the characters are miserable, but it seems more like commentary on the type of relationship it is. Sort of similar to the child/heir thing - less about the story supporting it than that you perhaps find the turn unsatisfying or undesirable from the perspective of what you'd rather see. I might still be off base, feel free to correct me. But yeah, I mean I'm not here to argue with people's preferences, it is what it is.

From my own perspective...

I do think Griffith pre-eclipse seemed to perceive his relationship with Charlotte as being in the same vein (not to the same degree) as his encounter with Gennon in the sense that he was once again "paying" for something he needed by trading his... body (and the performance of affection in Charlotte's case) for that thing. I think this is part of the reason for his post-coital breakdown with her - this sense that he had lost someone he loved and wanted and is now left with this person that he will always feel he is "selling" himself to on some level.

Honestly, even allowing the Godhand to destroy the remnants of his human flesh and carve his heart out in exchange for his ascension is in some ways just the extreme end of what he's always done: giving away pieces of himself in exchange for things he needs in order to accomplish his goals. Even the external sacrifice is described as needing to be something that is essentially so loved as to become a part of the person making the sacrifice.

"Take hold of the world in exchange for their own flesh and blood," as they say.

And I do think that is incredibly tragic - he's a tragic character. Absolutely. I'm just not sure whether that's something Griffith cares about at all post-eclipse due to the destruction and reconstruction of his emotional world.

Anyway, I'm of two minds about the whole thing because... I've written at some length about my frustration with Casca, the way her character is constructed and the motivations she's given. Yet, at the same time, if I think about what could/should happen with her character, I can only do that from the reality of what she is in the story rather than a hypothetical about what I would have made her or would have preferred her to be.

Plus my writer brain is stronger than my fan brain, so when I think about things like this I always think about them as being one of many moving parts within a narrative. So I think things like, if Charlotte were the sort of character to take over like a boss after her father passed away then the whole story about Griffith courting her so he can run a country makes no sense. That being the case, she's designed to be a person who doesn't do that because... that's just the role she has in the story.

All that said, and now I'm just continuing to talk about this grifflote child concept as though I'm invested in it and I just akjnakjnsd like I'm REALLY NOT I'm just thinking from a narrative perspective since it keeps coming up...

Let's say she has a kid, and then Griffith dies.

The kid would be like... an infant. So wouldn't she need to step up anyway?

ETA: And I have no idea what the mainstream western fandom is doing aside from performatively spitting fire every time Griffith's name is mentioned. Still, they can't be wrong all the time. Stopped clocks and all that.

#ask #anonymous #ariel talks about berserk #fandom has taught me that my approach to fiction is strange #but eh

[polyamorouspunk]

I am spending Christmas alone this year. I've done it before and I quite like it tbh. Plus, not hugely getting on with some of my family rn.

I'm gonna turn my phone off, make myself pancakes for breakfast and a fuck ton of food, then play video games till I can't keep my eyes open anymore. I'm very excited!

My mum visited a couple days ago and we did a mini gift exchange, but earlier today I realised she'd secretly wrapped and hidden some gifts for me round my flat like a little treasure hunt. It was very sweet, and made me chuckle.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday time and many blessings of the year fall upon you and your loved ones.

That sounds so sweet!

I’m on my lunch break at work right now and I won’t be off in time to go see my family, so tomorrow my mom and I are going to spend the day hanging out since we both have the day off!

My mom doesn’t like spending Christmas Eve alone but she has a retail job now too so she’s also working tonight, and later than I am for once 👌🏻 I haven’t wrapped her presents yet, so I’ll be doing that when I get home before she gets home! I’m excited, and I think I’ve become better at wrapping since I started having to wrap framing pieces… that, or I still suck and my frame wrapping skills suck 😅 or maybe I’m the same and I was never that bad to begin with <3 I hope I have enough wrapping paper 😅 I’m worried I haven’t gotten her enough, but I’m sure I have. I’ve been picking things up here and there, I think I have stuff I don’t even remember getting her. I actually JUST remembered yesterday I got her something in like August that I hid on/in my desk so 😂

#punk gets mail

[chronicastrolog]

11H reflections

okay. well here it is. that's me; in the red. you're probably wondering how I got here -

lmfao jk. anyway, I just finished my 11th house profection year and I was going to start writing about my 12H year, but I deadass just started it yesterday and feel like I'm better off reflecting rn than predicting.

I have a taurus 11h, meaning my timelord for the year was Venus. my 11h has Saturn & Jupiter in it, so the things I'm gonna be focusing on to aid in my reflections are the conditions of Venus, Saturn, and Jupiter in my chart, along with the aspects + house affairs.

(for those learning, I'll come back to this and link keywords with related posts)

the condition of my Venus is rough, and even tho I have my own debates on it, astrologically it's not in the best place lol. my Venus is in the third house, debilitated in virgo, squaring pluto, trining mars, trining Saturn, and sextiling my ascendant. (pretty bitches stand up)

my Saturn is in the 11th house, in taurus, squaring Uranus, trining my Venus, and sextiling my ascendant.

and my Jupiter is finding planetary joy in the 11th house, in taurus, squaring Neptune, trining mars, and opposing my sun.

throughout this entire year, I met multiple people in profection years with Venus as their timelords. the vast majority, actually. I spent an insane amount of time and money addressing my appearance, changing my look, and finally accepting what aesthetics are most important to me and my presentation. I came out with my gender, broke up with my partners, and started renting an art studio. I started processing sexual violence and trauma, and got a personal trainer. I lost a fuck ton of friends and relationships, and while that's a Venusian affair in and of itself, the 11h as the house of friends means this was already gonna be addressed in some way. I did get new friends though and reconnected with many of my old ones. I gained many new clients, swung intensely between having a lot of money and none at all, and was given an artist and activist grant that someone nominated me for right before the closing of this profection year. this entire year, love, beauty, aesthetics, money, friends, community, and work, have been themes for me. Venus showed up and showed out as my timelord, and pluto came with her all the challenges and lessons of a square. mars was right there adding rigor, energy, and even aggression sometimes with the ease and consistency of a trine. Saturn was present the entire time, rewarding me and pushing me and revealing himself.

on the topic of Saturn, I found that in every thing I just mentioned, I kept running into lessons and messages on consistency, hard work, and justice. I really had to confront my relationship to time and I started to think about elders and authority in my life. I was drawn to traditions and because the 11h is also about dreams and wishes, I found myself being asked to wish and dream with determination. very Saturnian shit; the trine Saturn makes to my timelord and its occupancy in profection house made him a huge presence in my life, and I began Saturn devotion in ways I've never considered before. I had a run in with my dad who I hadn't spoken to in years. I met up with him in Puerto Rico, where I'm from, and found that an interesting location to meet my dad (Saturn) in my place of origin (sextile ascendant). I felt a lot of pressure and dedication to my own leadership and particularly to any community efforts. it was incredibly depressing many times, and felt really dark, but there was always a small light that I know Saturn wanted me to work to pursue, and Jupiter was always there just asking me to believe, and maintain faith.

and that was probably the biggest lesson I learned this year, from the biggest planet in the sky - faith, belief, and trust. throughout every financial drought, I had to trust something would come back to me. through every breakup and friendship ending, I had to believe it was for the best and that better would come. when my community felt too small, and I felt like I had worked too hard already for its growth, I had to just have faith that expansion booms when the time is right. I felt spiritually deprived, diluted, and jaded for many moments, and then found myself quickly being called to believe anyway, and the act of believing itself would frequently move mountains for me. I learned how to see faith as an action (mars trine), and to dream anyway, even when it's hard or I feel confused and unsure (square Neptune). I really had to confront how much I don't believe in myself, and even more than that, how much I'm losing by not taking a chance on myself every time I can (opposing sun).

this year was difficult for me in ways I can't really get into because it simply doesn't compare to how generative, restorative, and progressive it was. I've been feeling stuck for a long time, and even though I'm in the same place, in the same body, still waiting on and working towards a lot of changes I want to see, I feel equipped for those things now and more excited, more hopeful, and more alive for it. it was a transformative setup for what I think is about to be a whole new year of chaos, brought to me by my scorpio mercury. I think the 11h is for wishing and hoping for the things that the 12h can start dreaming and manifesting.

#12th house #astro notes #astrology #houses #profection year #annual profections #time lords #astrology observations #zodiac #venus #taurus

[thetrashbagswasteland]

useful/fun character development questions for couples #s 5-7, 11, 12 and 27 for whoever you'd like

Thank you!! I'm gonna answer these for AviTis mainly bc that's what's providing my primary brainrot rn 😂 5- How do they consciously realize that they like the other character? Does it take them a while? Liking each other casually as friends is easy - Castis extends the hand of friendship and after some panicked scrutiny, Avitus accepts it. To actually call one another friends takes maybe weeks from the time of meeting, primarily because they're 15 and 16, sharing a dorm in basic training and don't particularly have pre-existing friends there so it's ideally suited to bonding quickly. Being friends just makes sense to them given the circumstances.

6- How do they react to the realization that they like the other character? Is it an “oh my god I’m never going to think about this again” thing, or are they pretty comfortable with it? The realisation they're in love is something else entirely. Avitus realises it first, coming to recognise his feelings as genuinely being love only after Castis has met, fallen in love and married his wife. It's something that upsets him a lot because he knows he's missed his chance and refuses to begrudge them their happiness - and thinks that he's an unloveable person anyways. Castis only works out the depths of his feelings much, much later. It's once again too late, long after he's certain that Avitus doesn't want that level of commitment and so he buries it and pretends it's just because they're friends.

7- Do they (or would they) pursue the other character’s affection, and if so, how? Do they tell the other character how they feel? Try to earn their admiration? Woo them with romantic gestures? Flirt with them, skillfully or otherwise? Neither one of them are terribly romantic or skilled in romance - and neither wants to be romantic (with each other at least). Flirting is a prelude to sex and very much only seen as good for that by the both of them, with that then allowing them to be affectionate under the excuse of happy hormones (they're TOTALLY emotionally healthy right?). Their love language nevertheless is presence; just being near one another is enough for them and, most crucially, doesn't demand that they say anything they can be held to. 11- What fears, past traumas, etc. would be hardest for them to talk about with their partner? For Avitus, it takes more than a decade of knowing each other to open up about his traumatic childhood, something he'd have gladly kept silent for life if not for the fact that he wants to use his past to affirm Castis' decision is the right one. For Castis, he's in the unfortunate position that Avitus is far, far too perceptive and was present for most of the traumatic events in his life. His greatest fear though is that he'll be abandoned in the end, after giving up every part of himself.

12- How much independence do they prefer in a relationship—do they want to share their lives as much as possible with their partner, or do they prefer to mostly do their own thing and let their partner do their own thing? Both of them are quite independent people on the whole. Castis definitely being more content with consistent company than Avitus is but both happy to do their own thing most of the time; holidays, weekends and planned time off together accompanied with only seeing each other in passing the rest of the time. Both need their own space and breathing room around their relationship and that's just fine for them.

27- They have to apologize to their partner. Is this difficult for them? How do they approach it? In the earlier years? That's an argument. They'd rather fight and fuck the frustration out before mutually considering the matter settled, regardless of where guilt sits. Sorry is a word Avitus finds easier to say, but one which Castis generally means more readily. They get better with time, experience navigating disagreements and most importantly, therapy. Therapy's the biggest factor in learning to navigate disagreements and genuinely does a lot to help them be comfortable as a couple.

#ask meme #avitis brainrot feels

[missmouse25]

Girl. I'm unable to contain myself right now. So please please pretty please:

Could you write something with Lando and Martin (even Max and Luisa could be in it) based on the Weeknd's Moth to a Flame song? I leave it entirely up to you. (You can definitely spice it up a bit tho 😂😂)

Thank you so much, i can't wait to see what you'll come up with 😍😍 love youu 💕

Oh bestie! I actually had quite some fun writing this one. I will say for anyone else reading this that i probably wont write for Martin again, this was a special occasion 😬 but please do still enjoy

Moth to a Flame - Martin Garrix (plus Lando Norris)

gender neutral first person pov // 2511 words // very minor feelings of being pushed aside (I cant think of a better word rn) but there is a happy ending

--- Two years ago:

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want things to go like this…”

My voice was shaky. It felt like the walls of the apartment were closing in on me slowly. There was nowhere to run to: I had to stand and face the music.

“It’s ok, my liefje.”

Martijn’s words took me by surprise. Sweet, beautiful Martjin who didn’t deserve what I was doing to him but was still trying to make me feel better.

“I understand why you need to leave. This life is a bit much. I can be a bit much sometimes.”

It had been a tough three months; not knowing where his work ended and our relationship began. Working on something new even as we lay in bed together at home in our supposed free time. Face timing while he’s in the studio just because he wanted to talk only to be interrupted by someone else.

 You couldn’t separate Martjin from his work, not that I wanted to but he deserved someone who would understand. And at that moment in my life, it wasn’t me.

“Maybe if we’d met a little bit later, things could’ve been different,” he said, brushing a tear off of my cheek. “But you need to do what’s right for you, my liefje.”

“Right person, wrong time,” I said quietly.

He nodded.

“Right person, wrong time.”

~ Present day:

How I’d ended up in this crazy world of race cars was anybody’s guess. How had I ended up as a friend to Lando Norris was also a mystery to me. More-than-friends but not quite a relationship was probably a better way to sum it up, in all honesty.

“Ok, we’re making plans for summer break. Is there anything you want to do?”

Lando was abuzz. The first half of the season had been gruelling in so many ways but he was looking forward to putting it all aside. That was something I really appreciated. Sure, F1 took up a lot of Lando’s life but when the race weekend was over, it was over. He had nothing more to do with it till he absolutely needed to.

“Hmmm…” I thought out loud. “Nothing really is coming to mind. I’ll go with wherever you guys pick.”

 “Cool.” He typed away on his phone, no doubt trying to get the ragtag group of boys to come to a decision (a much harder endeavour than one might think). “Oh yeah, we thought about maybe going to Ibiza cause there’s a concert there.”

“Ooo, what concert?”

“Martin Garrix,” he said casually.

My whole body froze. Lando didn’t know about our history. I hadn’t told him and I had never really planned on telling him because in truth, I had never completely stopped feeling something for Martjin.

“You do like Martin Garrix, right?”

It was an innocent enough question.

“Yeah, I guess so…”

“He seems like a super cool guy. Max, not Fewtrell other Max, is friends with him and says that he’s really nice.”

“Oh… are we going to meet him?”

Lando gave me a cheeky smile. If my heart wasn’t already pounding in my chest, it would’ve started then.

“That’s the plan, Max is going to set us up.”

He turned back to his phone and continued his quest to make it a holiday to remember, unaware of how my world had just been turned upside down.

~

“Hi, Martjin, I’m sorry to be sending this so late but… If you have some free time, I need to call you. It’s nothing bad just… please call me. Sorry again.”

It was a terrible voice note but I had tried countless times already and nothing had sounded right. Eventually I’d just given up.

With Lando out for the evening, the house was quiet but my mind buzzed like a power plant with thoughts so loud it seemed like there was noise everywhere.

‘Do I want to see him again? Could I stomach seeing him again? Will I forget myself and run into his arms the moment I lay eyes on him?’

For the outside world, and especially Lando, I was feigning excitement over going to the concert. Even for the whole trip. But there was this pit in the bottom of my stomach that wouldn’t go away. Not even when I was with Lando which normally could distract me from anything.

I nearly jumped out of my skin as my phone started to ring. Cautiously, I accepted the call.

“Hi, Martjin.”

“Hello, my…” He stopped himself short. “Hey…”

“I didn’t expect you to call so soon. I thought that you might be busy.”

He sighed softly, like he always used to when he knew he was in the wrong and couldn’t argue his way out of it.

“Well, technically I’m busy. But when I saw your message… I will always make time for you.”

‘No, Martjin don’t say that to me.’

“Oh, thank you. I just have a bit of a strange thing to ask you.”

That pit in my stomach felt like it was growing and taking over my body.

“Some friends of mine and I are going to be at your show in Ibiza and they plan on meeting you.” I got up and started walking around the room. “This thing is…”

“They don’t know,” he completed my sentence for me.

“No. And I’d really like to keep it that way. If it’s an issue for you then I won’t come to the concert…”

“My liefje… Sorry.” Martjin took a breather. “It won’t be a problem. Come have a good time. I’ll pretend as though I’ve never met you before. It’ll be fine.”

Realistically it would be the perfect plan but, deep down in my heart, that was not what I’d wanted him to say.

“Can I ask who your friends are? Just in case I see them beforehand.”

“Yeah… You can know.”

~

Time seemed to crawl forward till the holidays began but once it did it was a rush. I blinked and we were on a plane. I blinked again and we were on a beach. When I next opened my eyes, I found myself looking at my reflection, debating if this was the outfit I wanted to wear tonight. This night. The night I’d been dreading for so long now.

“Are you ready to go?”

Lando came up behind me, putting his hands on my waist. I caught his eye in the mirror as he spoke again.

“You look great. Beautiful, actually. You have nothing to worry about.”

He leant forward and sweetly kissed my cheek before moving off to get his belongings.

‘It’s now or never,’ I thought and walked to the door, ready to accept my fate.

The crowds were immense and loud, as they always were. People loved Martjin. Or rather, people loved Martin Garrix and they loved his music.

Lando led our group of friends through the back entrances, simply flashing our VIP passes as we did, breezing past the chaos and into a quiet lounge backstage. There weren’t many other people but we filled the space and took the drinks we were offered.

“This is going to be wild,” Max said, sipping his drink. “I saw some clips from his previous concert, absolutely insane.”

“Must be a bit intimidating though,” Lando said. “All those people watching you.”

“Says the man who drives an F1 car for a living,” Max countered.

Lando rolled his eyes.

“This is different. In the car, you’re aware of the crowds but it’s not what you’re focused on.”

The two kept jabbering as I moved away. The palms of my hands felt clammy and I didn’t want them to notice how jittery I was being. I knew how the process worked: he’d come in, meet and greet everyone and then go do final prep before the show. But now I was on the other side. Things were different.

A door opened to the side and someone stepped into the room, the movement making me look over. Through the gap, past the staff members, I saw Martjin and I knew he had seen me too. I froze. The door swung closed again and the fleeting moment was over.

“Martin will be joining you all shortly,” the staff member announced and the buzz around the room picked up even more.

All the feelings of regret from when I left him suddenly swelled up inside of me. None of this was right. It wasn’t fair to Lando to be lying to him; it wasn’t fair on Martjin to be making him lie. It wasn’t even fair to myself, knowing that I was the cause of all this.

“Lando, I’m not feeling well,” I whispered in his ear after moving closer. “I’m going to the bathroom; I’ll meet you backstage.”

Before he could say anything back, I quickly walked out of the room, holding back the tears.

Peering from the wings, I could see Lando and Max on the stage to the side, having a blast. The atmosphere was like a drug; it got into your system and pushed you to a high you’d never felt before.

Looking past them, I looked to the DJ stand and watched as Martjin worked the audience. He looked good. Not just handsome but he looked healthy; thriving. Even from so far away I could see the sparkle in his eye and his smile which was contagious as always. I found myself feeling alright.

Martjin looked to the boys on the stage, giving them a thumbs up which they eagerly returned. Looking further on, he found me. I thought of all the previous times I’d hidden like this just off to the side while Martjin worked, staying up late with him and sleeping in till midday.

He waved and timidly I waved back. Satisfied, he looked back over the sea of people in front of him; in front of us.

There I stayed, watching from the side lines, wondering if it was too late to go back and change my own mind, to stay with Martjin and work through our issues together. What I wouldn’t give to rewind time and tell him how much I loved him.

~

‘Gone exploring. Be back before lunch. Sleep as late as you like <3’

I’d sworn to myself as I wrote the note, that it would be the last lie I told him. After this morning, I’d come clean about everything and tell Lando anything he wanted to know. But first I had to talk to Martjin.

In the dark hours of the early morning, I’d called him while hiding in the bathroom of my hotel room, trusting that he hadn’t yet come down from the high and was still awake. There had only been one ring before Martjin had picked up and we’d arranged in hushed voices where and when to meet.

So, I found myself waiting in the foyer of his hotel, eyes constantly darting to the elevator in case the next time the doors opened, it’d be him.

‘He won’t come,’ I thought. ‘I wouldn’t come if I was him. Not after all I did to him.’

Those thoughts were quickly disproven as out from the silver doors stepped Martjin, looking sleepy still but happy. Probably still residue from the night before.

“Morning,” I said, standing up as he neared.

“Morning.” Martjin smiled. “Are you hungry? The breakfast here is really good.”

“I was hoping maybe we could go somewhere quieter. Away from…” I looked around the room.

He nodded and walked me through the hotel, out the back door and into the gardens. The grass was still damp and the sunshine made the dew glisten. A stone pathway led us to a secluded bench, far away from any prying eyes and eavesdroppers.

“You weren’t at the meet and greet last night,” Martjin said as brushed the worst of the water off the seat.

“I just needed a moment.”

We sat down together, looking at the greenery all around us and not at the other person. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat, determined to say what I had come here to say.

“I’m sorry,” I started, my voice soft. “I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry for making you lie last night and especially to Lando because I’m sure you two are going to be good friends and this is a terrible way to start a friendship with someone. I’m sorry for using you as my safety net while I’ve been with someone else.”

Shifting on the bench, I turned to look at Martjin. Sweet and kind Martjin.

“And most of all, I’m sorry for leaving you. For how I left and when I left. Hell, even why I left. Looking back, it was such a stupid reason, we could’ve… I could’ve worked through that. And I know it means nothing but deep down I still love you, Martjin, so whatever you want I’ll do. I’m going to tell Lando the truth today but if you never want to talk to me again, I understand. I’ll do it.”

Martjin looked at me, blue eyes shining in the morning light. Reaching over, he took my hand in his and pressed his lips to my knuckles.

“My liefje,” he said without hesitation. “I think the person you’re hurting the most right now, is yourself. You’re like a moth always flying too close to the fire and one day you’re going to singe your wings.

“I just want you to be happy. If you’re happy with Lando, then stay with him but tell him the truth. If you aren’t… Well, that’s a decision that you need to make.”

Martjin took a deep breath before continuing.

“As for me, I never stopped caring about you, my liefje. I would give anything to be with you again but we can’t be what we used to be. It’s up to you to decide what happens now.”

The hotel room was just as I had left it, the only difference being that Lando was now awake. He lay in the bed, scrolling through his phone, no doubt scoping all the pictures from the concert.

“Hey, did you enjoy your exploring?” He asked with a sleepy smile as I came inside, which made me feel so villainous for what I was about to do next.

“Lando, there’s something I have to tell you. I can’t keep hiding this anymore.”

 His smile faltered but still I persisted.

I told him everything.

~ One year later:

It had been so long since I’d been in this apartment and I took a pause to gather my mind before knocking on the door. Almost a year’s worth of healing had brought me back here but it was where I needed to be in order to finish my journey.

It didn’t take long for him to answer the door, despite the fact this would be a surprise to him.

“You came back, my liefje,” Martjin said, a big grin forming on his face.

“Like a moth to flame,” I answered.

#eek i am rather nervous about this one #martin garrix fans please be nice i did my best #and obviously this is nothing against him i just needed the story to make sense im positive he's a super nice guy in person #my source says so therefore it must be true right Petra? 😉 #martin garrix x reader #martin garrix fanfic #lando norris x reader #lando norris fanfic #Mouse Writes #ThatKindaVibe

[collectingthestars]

So in school this one year I had this one bitch in my class whom we will call Regina George for hopefully obvious reasons. And she was just. A massive bigot. Constantly bullying the neurodivergent kids, being an asshole to gay ppl, openly hating sushi. She was just,,, the worst. And I had made it my personal mission to destroy her (not like that you sickos). I drew a shitty copy of her face and stuck it to a pillow whenever I needed to punch something and you may think I'm lying about that much like a politician may say he wants equal opportunity for all, or a person on the internet claims I'm "really not that attractive so I should stop worshipping myself" which doesn't even make sense because like hello can you see me rn and also all my trauma and mental illnesses are stored in my dump truck ass which is why it's so big and you probably think I'm deflecting my deep rooted insecurities by making jokes about how hot I am which is not true and- point is I really hated this Regina bitch. So deep was my burning desire to set her hair on fire that I hatched a plan. Regina obviously wants more bigots and Trump supporters in positions of power, right? What better way to anger her than have me, an openly queer and pagan punk that's read the communist manifesto 3 times, get onto the school council leadership team? Pretty smart, right? Wrong. I had no leadership experience whatsoever and in hindsight I probably should've been focused on getting onto the team to help people rather than have my one motivation be a giant middle finger to some rich cishet girl who's dad is probably gone. Ok that was dark but you get what I'm saying, I hated this bitch. But anyway, I gave my big speech about leadership and equality and if I got onto the team I'd give the school bathrooms actually good toilet paper that doesn't feel like I'm having intercourse with a cactus covered in sandpaper. And it worked. My unhinged demonic definitely-possessed-by-a-crack-addict, stop-trying-to-drink-the-box-of-juice-you-found-in-a-bin-wtf-is-wrong-with-you self got onto a team full of white brunette children with rich parents. Excellent. Now all I needed to do was convert a herd of pubescent children into spitting on Regina's shoes and throwing gas cans back at the police. Shouldn't be hard, right? Wrong again. Apparently no one is willing to listen to a short feminine presenting dork with anger issues. Weird. My plan to make Regina's life miserable was failing. And there was only one thing left to do. You know those thoughts you get, where the side of your brain that practices kindness and forgiveness tells you not to do it but the other side that eats crayons and memories WAP is telling you to do it for no other reason than it'd be fucking hilarious if you were a character in a tv show (which I'm starting to feel like with U guys. I'm not mad tho, I feel like a small mammal in an enclosure as a group of four year olds watches me take a shit as they start giggling hysterically). So I stared deep into the mirror of agony and asked God where my moral stance lies if not elsewhere than replaceable specks of dust on a dirt road. And god, with her many mouths and her many tragedies, says nothing. So anyway I bought a roll of stickers of the lgbt pride flag online and stuck them on all of Regina's belongings without her knowing. Yes it was funny as shit no I don't regret being an asshole. The immense amount of joy it brought me to see this girl become enraged and try to frantically tear off a sticker of a rainbow off her school bag. Which really proves that you can do all the goodness your heart demands of you but at the end of the day death and life do not care what you have done and so why not make yourself immortal. Anyways this has been fun bestie love U also who do you speculate I am I'm curious 💖💖💖

oh my gods i don’t know if i should be proud or terrified, i’m most likely feeling both. but honestly she had it coming

#diya answers #ughhh i have no idea who you could be #all i know is that you’re australian bc you called your parents bogans #idek if you’re a mutual or not 😭 #anon

[the-algebra-thing]

i think the issue w Dakota is that like… he genuinely Does Not Understand this is a scenario where Someone has to die. in his mind, he does not get that “you are out of choices” is a firm rule.

It’s like if you presented him with the trolley problem, his answer would be ‘I’d go down there and stop the train and save everyone’. it IS genuinely frustrating, I’ll give you that, but like… that’s his point of view. He’s too set in his mindset that there’s Always some other way out to even really comprehend the serious situation he’s being posed with. 

i trust in the end tho it will improve. grizz has said on a few occasions that Dakota is just very slow to process things like this and internalize those issues, so im relying on that. i do think shoving him in some more lose-lose, moral grey areas would be fun and might help kickstart those issues but for right now it’s just… one of Dakota’s Major flaws. Hell, him saying he’d accept and trust if Vyncent was in one of “those situations” and not question it is already a step in the right direction, bc I don’t think early PD Dakota would— he almost de-friended Vyncent just for almost killing a guy.

tldr I get your frustration w Dakota but rn its just…. his flaw, and it’s not something that can be fixed very quickly, so they just gotta deal with that and give it time for that lesson and change to sink it

I understand what you're saying but yeah I'm basically just frustrated firstly with how he sticks to this mindset at the expense of his friends' feelings and how it's more important to him that his worldview stays intact than it line up with facts. because what you're saying about how he just genuinely can't understand is right, but he was definitely downright flippant with vyncent, and to me that communicates that he also doesn't really want to do the work to change any of this. and you're also right that this is just a manifestation of his flaw and ideally in the end it will change, and that he told vyncent he trusts him that way is a big step. usually I'm just like yeah we're just in the middle of the story and it'll be ok in the end i just have to sit through it.

thats where I ran into the second thing, what tipped it over the edge for me to say something, which is that grizzly seems to see nothing wrong with how he treated vyncent during that scene LMAO like. I was talking to q about how I was annoyed about this whole thing while I was listening to the episode and i would have left it at that and been like yeah it'll be better someday had grizzly not gotten on the rolled and brushed all that right off. that really made me nervous lol

#jrwi thoughts #prime defenders spoilers #jrwi spoilers #prime defenders #alligator dakota cole #dakota cole #ask mira

[goldenlie]

glad we share an opinion queen!! also getting annoyed because of 4 year old acting like a 4 year old is incredibly valid to me tbh definitely had my own share of yup definitely no chlidren for me ever moments. I feel like later on it gets a little better because now we are focusing more on Kazuki and Rei's past and issues each of them brings to the table lmao I usually have issue only when people claim Miri isn't at all acting like an actual 4 year old and compare her to... Anya... a child who can literally read minds 😐 and will change her behaviour accordingly to what she hears as we have seen her do many times before and I didn't even watch all of spy x family like sir surely you are joking right now?? anyways I hope you are doing well, it's been a while ^_^ what are you up to these days? hope uni isn't giving you too much of a hard time!

(formerly) QQQQQNFFFFFF ENJOYYEEEERRR!!!! AGNESSS!!! It's so good to hear form you <3

If there's one thing I'm reliant at its being a bit of a hater to kids antics, I simply lack the gift of patience. I am right there with you in those moments I'm ngl. Okay the focus on more of their past dynamic and potentially how they got to be in the profession they're in sounds pretty interesting. The potential for angst skyrockets with each word I hear about this show and I am loving it.

That is,,,, a real unique comparison people have made. As someone who has suffered through two seasons of spyxfamily I can definitely vouch that Anya and Miri are not similar characters at all (To clarify spy family was good up until every progression the characters had was wrote away for a cheap punchline or coincidental memory loss, literally happened every second episode after s1 ep9). The only similarity between the two shows point blank is the premise. I would assume people are trying to draw nonexistent parallels purely based off of that, I have no idea as to why though. From what I saw (so, so little) Miri was undoubtedly acting like a four year old, when she spilt that drink in episode 2 it was very on brand kid looking for attention, I thought it showed her age pretty well. Anya as an older character, literally six years old, but she had a lot more motives at play. Obviously she's still young and immature but a lot more mature than Miri nonetheless. Anya could play strategy and was attempting to aid Loid with his spy missions, I'm going to go out on a limb and assume Miri is not going to locate a bomb or something in the remaining 10 eps I have to watch. Miri seems to be a much more honest and open character whereas Anya can be more scheming and conniving (I say with love, I did like Anya's character up until everyone minus Yor became very dislikable very fast), for her own self preservation. The two of them are pretty incomparable, I can see where your disbelief is coming from.

Uni is making me spin in a circle five times and then jump through a hoop 2 meters off the ground. The biggest thing rn is finding time to carry out experiments for my thesis which I will hopefully finish up with this week! It's actually such coincidental timing but this week I have to give a presentation on the most impactful book I've ever read (purely to build confidence in public speaking, damn though, thought I was in science so I didn't have to talk personally) which was extremely difficult considering all impactful "books" I've read in the past four years have been on ao3. So I ended up scavenging through our old messages trying to locate some book recs you had! I actually ended up with another recommendation from the bts boy though, who was reading Almond, this one is called "The Midnight Library" and sounded pretty intriguing! I'll be reading it tonight and tomorrow so if it's worth it I'll update you. What about you queen, are you still working in the job you started last year? I hope it's been going well if so! I know you're into buddy dads these days but anything else been keeping you occupied? Anime wise myself I'm actually about halfway through hunter x hunter?? I started the end of December and it intrigued me ngl. I'm not sure if you've seen but it's very easy to like the main character and his three main besties so I'm looking forward to seeing how things progress further. I also watched the entirety of Voltron out of pure curiosity for how bad the ending was? And I was surprised to see it was actually as shit as they say. However comma the show did lose its appeal much much earlier, have you ever watched? I actually finished up a kdrama series recently as well I believe you recommended me last year called Beyond Evil and holy fucking shit was it good. Usually I fear for around the halfway mark of kdramas that they lose their purpose but I swear they had only warmed up the engine by ep 8. It was addictive to watch and I was so immersed, my love dong sik and his relationship with inspector Han growing and changing throughout the series was extremely interesting to watch unfold. They were a powerful duo when they worked together and I will miss the thrill of each ep.

I hope you've been having a good time in general queen and things have been going well for you :D

#me when I compare and contrast a mind reading character to a literal four year old: I've connected the dots (you didn't connect shit!) #the information that people think they're similar had me speechless

[squirrelno2]

Apropos of nothing but

The thing people mean (or should mean) when they say "product of their time" is shit like this Agatha Christie I'm reading rn, where she is clearly trying to call out antisemitism in the text but also turns around and regurgitates some pretty awful antisemitism as though it's fact, like - I don't know where overall her beliefs fell, just what I read, and there's real sympathy and an attempt to dissect the English Christian attitude towards the Jewish characters presented unless I'm really misreading, but it's also deeply upsetting to see some of the shit that gets said in basically the same paragraph

(edit: actually more of this feels straight up antisemitic as I dig deeper into it, she did write from povs of characters that she clearly didn't agree with at times but I wanna make clear that I'm probably going to be retracting my opinions on her good intentions here. The rest of what I say still stands)

And I think this is important to recognise not just so we don't put ppl whose work has cultural contributions on a pedestal where we can never critique them, but also because like. She was probably saying all the polite, progressive things. We can all say the polite, progressive things. That is what makes us products of our time

The thing that helps us transcend that in our fights against bigotry is to really look at each impulse we have when discussing/describing/characterizing marginalized people, and to say "why did I choose this? Is there something else I could do that would achieve the same goal? Why is it so important to me to tell this story, and does it convey a truth or does it convey a theory I have built about the world that I always assumed is truth?" I started writing characters of colour as a teen because I knew I should, because I knew the world wasn't as white as my backyard is. I didn't know why it would matter to a reader beyond that. I just did it because that is what A Good Author does, and A Bad Author ignores poc. It's not the worst place to start, if you ask me - deeply invested in your own status as a good person or writer and therefore dangerously self centered, but a jumping off point if you're willing to learn.

The thing that took me farther was the moment I realised I didn't know why I had disdain for certain things (in my case specifically hip hop dance was the catalyst but that's a longer story). I sat down and looked at those things I ignored and claimed not to like and found that I had no tangible reason for any of that. I simply had never looked for something to love. I have found, in my time in fandom, that many people refuse to look for things to love in characters they do not associate with themselves. They might pay lip service to a character being great, say they deserve the world, but in the end these are not the characters who get endless fics and meta and art. (This is most obvious with fandom racism but it manifests with other facets of marginalisation as well) It requires an active effort, and a willingness to step beyond "I have said the right thing, the appropriate thing, the polite thing, and that means I have done it all right" into a space where you know you may get it wrong, but always in pursuit of doing something not just right but good

Anyway "products of their time" still fucked up, whether they were trying to do the Right Thing or not, and we all will fuck up, but you have to be willing to step further than politeness, and really start to conceptualize other people as being just as wholly human as you. Nobody is the guest star in an after school special about acceptance. We are, in fact, all the main characters of our own stories, constantly crossing over and spinning off, and the sooner you realize that your kindness to somebody else isn't about you being the protagonist who needs to be loved but about them being their own protagonist who deserves your respect, the better. Don't say things because you're supposed to. Say them because you thought about what they imply, and because you stand by those implications - or don't say them at all

#pity and sympathy isnt enough you have to know they are people on the other end #writing #this gets so rambly but reading agatha christie does this to me theres so much awful shit even though she does The Right Things overall

[hyunjinspark]

i just finished chapter 9 and I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY. but before i start i wanted to know if i can be 🩰 anon ! if it's already taken i can send in another~

first off all, you are such a phenomenal writer oh my god i don't know how you do it but each chapter is better than the next (ofc all of your work is top tier but you get what i mean) and i already can't wait for the next one. you're very good with words and im able to feel what yn is feeling so well! there's also a lot about yn's personality and mannerisms that i can personally relate to. the way the story is going is interesting too like you've been hinting at a lot of things (such as yn planning to go to the city) and im excited to see how everything develops and falls into place! i'm just so in love with this story and your writing THANK YOU for sharing your beautiful work with us 😭

felix annoyed me in this chapter but i don't think i dislike him. but yeah it was very surprising to see felix behave this way in this chapter when it's usually been hana instigating the angst. we know that he's been yn's best friend and i think rn he's just filled with jealousy like yeonjun said. he must be scared of getting replaced and jealousy can be a very ugly emotion. so he's not a bad person...he's just not treating yn well rn. he needs to be more upfront with yn and have an honest conversation! if he does like her (more than a friend) then he needs to straight up tell her instead of beating around the bush like this and ruining whatever relationship they currently have. (he needs to self reflect and figure out his feelings so badly) the part where he leaves her in the chocolate shop was so sad because we saw how stressed and anxious yn was over wanting to give felix the best bday present ☹️ i hope he comes to his senses and apologises, i don't think he's behaving like himself rn

i was happy to see yn and yeonjun interacting!! it's nice that yn has atleast one person in her life rn who can be there for her 😭 ofc hyunjin is that kind of person too but she obviously can't talk to him about this since it's involving him and we know her other friends are not too great with deep convos like this since they don't take her seriously most of the time. it's sweet that yeonjun listened to everything and im hoping he makes up with felix and minho too 🥺 (and maybe hana too? so that everyone can have a happy ending haha) also the seungmin cameo 👀 it's been a while since he appeared in the fic and im excited to see if he'll play a bigger role in the story!

and finally hyunjin especially towards the end ☹️ i know this story from the story was never about unrequited love so obviously hyunjin likes yn back BUT it felt so nice to directly see it from his pov. thank you for giving us that 🤲🏼 fics usually only contain the reader's pov so it was refreshing to read things from hyunjin's perspective too. the way he was talking about yn and chan mentioning that he talks about her in the group chat everyday 😭😭 he speaks so highly of her i hope yn eventually realises his admiration for her instead of doubting herself all the time. i just can't wait for their love story to properly start yk? he's always just been such a perfect match for her!!!

i know there's probably a lot more angst to get through but i love angst so i don't mind at all 💕 i'm sorry for such a long ask but take care of yourself and have the best day!!!!! 🤍🤍🤍

hello love !! yes you can be 🩰 anon, what a cute emoji 🥺

thank you so much ! happy to be able to convey the emotions to you and that you can relate the character of yn, and also like the way the plot is progressing :( im in love with you !! thank YOU for appreciating it. ❣️

you’re so right about felix, jealousy can be such an ugly emotion and really take over the person, which may be what’s happening with him :(

so glad you like yeonjun :( he definitely is that person for yn, and she really needs one right now who can just genuinely listen and be there for her. the hyun pov my favorite scene ☹️ there will be more,,

thank you, don’t apologise i loved reading it !!

#star lost with you #🩰 anon