#and his relationship to his mum esp was just so beautiful

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

oh man ok i need to gush about moonlight chicken for a second lol

i adored how this show didnt shy away from the messiness of real life and relationships! like u hav a single gay working class man desperately trying to make ends meet and struggling with the guilt of his past lover having died tragically whilst bringing up his nephew who wants to be taken seriously and finally fly the nest to live his own life whilst at the same time navigating his crush on a lonely deaf boy who just wants to be understood and respected. and then you have a man stuck in relationship limbo where he's unable to let go of his past love but also yearning to move on and free them both from the pain they cause each other... and that's not even to mention the side characters who deal with the loss of parents, unfaithful partners, unplanned pregnancies, trying to be a better mother to your son, etc...

no one was a villain, instead you had a group of people who needed to grow and learn in a very natural way, and that's just so refreshing to see! honestly one of my fav parts of the story is that rather than inventing some arbitrary dramatic reason for wen and alan to break up, it just happened because their love had fizzled out, a thing that happens all the time in real relationships! and even though their love had died, it was still obvious that they cared deeply for one another which made both of them trying to move on so much more painful...

so much of this show was about the cycles of emotional abuse that can develop when you're stuck in the past... jim is unable to see a happy future for himself because he blames himself for beam's death, and he let's that anger and resentment inform how he treats li ming. wen is ignoring the messiness of his relationship with alan in favour of pursuing jim, but knows deep down that neither will be able to truly move on unless he deals with the situation. even heart's parents are stuck unable to relate to or be willing to understand their deaf son as they continue to isolate him from the outside world, thinking that it will protect him but all it does is make him even more lonely!

idk i just loved how the show focused so much on living in the moment. that the past is fixed and the future is uncertain, but there will always be now where you can always find some glimmer of joy and optimism.

and then there's ofc the queer element of the show where we get to see how internalised and external homophobia exist as perimeters to queer people being able to truly be themselves. one of the most heart wrenching scenes is at beam's funeral where his parents come up to jim and effectively tell him that because he and beam weren't married, he has no legal rights to any of the things they had worked so hard for together! and this is something you hear time and time again, both historically and now, where queer couples in countries that dont recognise gay marriage or even civil partnerships are denied so much (particularly when one of them dies) because their relationship is deemed illegitimate by law.

jim as a character has internalised this so much that when he finds out his nephew is gay, he lashes out (in one of the funniest scenes ever, mind you lol... literally the whole 'why are you gay, isn't being poor enough of a challenge!?' thing is gonna stick in my mind forever i love it sm lol) because he knows first hand how hard it is to be a queer man in a society that still doesnt fully accept you! (and it rly showed the disparity between him, a working class man, and wen, someone from a middle class/wealthy background when it comes to queerness that i don't think gets discussed as much... cos the fact of the matter is that for a long time queerness /was/ effectively reserved for wealthy people, as working class people wouldnt have had as much of a choice in how they could live their lives, so jim's reticence when it comes to accepting li ming's (and his own) queerness is directly tied to how being poor doesnt always allow you the luxury of simply 'being yourself'...)

and i think it was especially interesting that this show didnt present homophobia in individualistic terms. we don't get a character calling them slurs or saying that they're wrong for being gay, instead we get systemic and societal prejudices showing up in insidious ways, which feels so much more realistic! (like even jam, who is presented as having outdated and homophobic opinions, isnt presented as some evil villain. she's just a product of a homophobic society that teaches people being gay is a sad way of living, and she has to unlearn that as both her brother and son prove her wrong!)

i honestly could (and probably will) go on but yeh... this show man... this show

#moonlight chicken #moonlight chicken the series #thai series #honestly didnt expect this show to touch my soul as much as it did but oh boy it DID #also i didnt even get to talk about gaipa and just how fucking sad his story is (and how amazingly acted his character was!!!) #and his relationship to his mum esp was just so beautiful #like..... this show just feels so special and im just so thankful it exists tbh #like no it's not perfect and there are def some strange/goofy moments #but it feels so genuine and you can tell everyone involved really wanted to tell a story about real every day people and it's just wonderfu #sorry for writing somuch i'm just having shrimp feelings about this show #or should that be chicken feelings lol?!?!

[wizkiddx]

...surprise

um okay so here I am trying angst again. this is kind of intended to be open ended bcos might have a part two at some point. im also lazy and has a few time jumps. also if someone could pls explain if you just get pics for the top of these off internet or credit on like gifs or something that’d be appreciated.

Summary: Tom comes home and everything is most definitely not the way he left, nor is it healthy

Warnings: please read with caution esp relationship with food / weightloss, but just generally a person in a bad bad head space, lots of self blame - then next parts will carry different warnings too

************************

Tom had been away for months. Months and months away from his girlfriend, separated entirely by his filming locations in Europe and America; while you were busy slowly and steadily climbing the ranks of your law firm. Being an intense period for the pair, you hadn’t managed to see each other in 2 and a half months.  Of course, both go you were used to this - 3 years deep into a relationship between an actor and a wanna-be lawyer- this was the name of the game.

But honestly? You both just kept falling deeper and deeper, making the separation harder to deal with - rather than getting used to it as one might hope.

That's why Tom felt such an incredibly overwhelming wave of relief as he dumped his bags just outside his front door. Even though he was exhausted from the travelling, just the mere act of finally phishing out his housekeys brought a massive grin to his face - caused particularly by the sight of his tacky little keyring from a Moroccan market that you’d bought him. That had been your first holiday. There’s that old saying that before you move in with someone go on holiday first - Tom understood it to mean you supposedly see all the bad and ugly stuff people can hide from each other, a prewiring before committing to living in the same space. However that holiday all he’d learned was incredible you are to him. To his dying day, Tom will never forget the moment he looked over to his left when the two of you were on this night time stargaze in the depth of the Moroccan desert. Y/n had never seen stars like it, the skies so incredibly clear and lit up with an array of magical blues and purples and whites on its sark background. The sight, for no unexplainable reason, had you completely opening up to Tom about things she’d never told a single soul. And in that moment he’d had this sort of realisation. Not about how much he loved her - because that is just the cliche thing everyone says… and also just wasn’t true.

In that moment he’d rather realised the potential. The sort of ‘I’m not there yet but I know you could become the centre of my universe’. The sort of ‘I’m not ready to say this yet, but I want to spend my life with you’. The sort of ‘at some point in my life I’m not sure my heart will be able to beat without yours’.

He still hadn’t quite got to explicitly saying all that yet, by asking you for the ultimate commitment. But he planned to now he was coming back to you.

Even with the chill of the early evening winter air, Tom was almost ecstatic as he unlocked the door and let himself in. He hadn’t told you that he was coming home, you thought he had another two weeks on the job, but Tom was a bit of an old romantic - he loved seeing your eyes fill with wonder as he surprised you in whatever way. Sometimes it was as simple as a note on the fridge, or a small bouquet from behind his back or as fancy as a surprise holiday.

However, this time, though it was only 6 in the evening, all the lights of their house were off making Tom raise an eyebrow as he quietly slipped off his shoes - not wanting to scare Y/n just in case.

Tom had sworn when he’d been on the phone with you the previous day, you didn’t have any plans tonight but perhaps maybe a spontaneous pub trip and been offered with work colleagues. The house felt a little cold as he padded through it, poking his head into every room just to check Y/n wasn’t there. His last port of call was the bedroom.

By this point, Tom was pretty resigned on the fact you were out and he’d maybe cook a meal for when you got back or hide about the house or something. But instead, when he poked his head around this door, he sighed in delight at the sight of a still mound under the plush white sheets. For a brief moment, Tom paused, before tiptoeing steadily round to her bedside. The light was still off but the hallway light illuminated the room enough so he could make out your soft features and the messy ball of hair that had been haphazardly thrown in a bun. Furthermore, he could also notice in the light the packet of painkillers and migraine tablets lying opened on the bedside - which made him freeze. Y/n didn’t get migraines often at all, but when she did Tom knew just how bad they could be. That explained the fact you were spark out at six o’clock, making Tom give a sympathetic smile. He crept back out the room with a little spring in his step, deciding that since he had had a long day travelling he'd grab a snack and join you. Unfortunately though, when he enthusiastically yanked the fridge open the sight was a rather depressing one. He didn’t really know what he was craving but the fridge contents were of almost no use to anyone. The place was bloody baron, apart from a tub of butter and of course his special beers that Y/n would never dare touch. With a small huff though, Tom resigned himself to some bread and butter, before getting ready for bed.

It was probably an hour later when Tom was carefully crawling under the duvet to settle in beside Y/n after the disappointing snack and maybe a solitary ‘welcome home beer’ - it would be rude not to. God was he excited to just have his girlfriend in his arms again though. So, Tom naturally reached over and powerfully yet gently pulled you back towards him - making your back flush with his as you mumbled something incoherent. Chuckling slightly at your apparent annoyance of being disturbed, Tom pressed a kiss to her temple before settling down momentarily.

But something wasn’t quite right, making Tom shuffle about a bit - ever adjusting huis grasp on your waist as he attempted to get comfy. With the migraine medications forcing you into a deep deep sleep you barely stirred and that just made the unease increase for Tom. Because you didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel right. Ever so slowly Tom started to peel back the duvet from your body from his now sitting upright position. Typically, Y/n was wearing one of his hoodies, however more concerningly it seemed to pool and collect around your frame more than normal.

Now, Y/n was never the most petite person in the world - by no means overweight, instead of beautiful curves and muscle. To Tom now though, it was as if someone had literally shrunk you - like a picture on a word document you needed to make narrower to fit the margins. Even in the dim light of the bedroom he know realised you looked pale. Honestly, Tom didn’t know how long he just sat there staring at you, until you sighed a little and pulled the duvet back up to just under your chin.

He didn’t know what to think or do. All he knew was you didn’t look well and that you hadn’t said a thing to him. Feeling so very uncomfortable within himself, Tom climbed out the bed and simultaneously grabbed his phone. He knew he had to call someone, to check that you hadn’t been ill - but then who to call? Someone that wouldn’t judge or instantly worry- your mum was completely off the cards. Also, he hadn’t even given you the chance to explain yet, so really he knew there was only a couple of options who were close enough to him too.

“Hey what’s up?” “Um nothing much, back in the UK though so-“ “Oh shit really! Kept that one quite bro” “Yeh well came back to surprise Y/n” “Oh you're soooo whipped” “Fuck off Haz, have you um… have you seen her recently anyway?” “You're asking me if I’ve seen your girl while you’ve been away?” “I’m being serious. You’re pretty much brother and sister and I’m -I’m a bit worried.” “What? You know she wouldn’t cheat especially with me” Haz’s tone turned less serious, using a goofy accent “ I know too much.” Haz still attempted to lighten the mood, this conversation very unexpected and making him grow more and more concerned himself. “Haz quit it. I’m worried she’s been ill. I’ve come in and she’s asleep with a migraine but there’s no food in the fridge and she’s skinny as hell.” “Fuck er sorry I didn’t realise. But um no she’s been cancelling on us for the past like two weeks cos like…I don’t know said she was just snowed under at the firm so” “But before then?” “No yeh she was fine. Went to the pub a couple times and she always drove so didn’t drink but nothing weird - think she wanted to keep a clear head. What are you thinking?” “I don’t know to be honest mate. She seemed fine on the phone but I swear to god she looks half the size  of what she was when I left.” “Just talk to her in the morning? She probably is just stressed if work has been mad busy.” Tom hummed in agreement, half trying to convince himself too. “Yeh yeh, sorry for bothering you.” “Oh shut up mate - I’ll see you both at your parents for the roast tomorrow? Sams got some new recipe I think, he’s been wittering on about it for days.” “Yeh we’ll be there, see you then mate.” 

After signing off to Haz, Tom placed his phone on the little table on the upstairs hallway and sighed. He knew he was being over-protective but he couldn’t help it. Y/n was always the one to care for him, in fact to care for everybody int he room and then some.

He’d get to the bottom of whatever this was tomorrow, and so the rest of the evening Tom spent rather unhappily get ready before bed yet again before climbing back in next to you.

///////////////////////////

Tom woke before you, a combination of jet lag and the worry in the pit of his stomach meaning he stirred awake first. Instinctively he pulled you closer and nuzzled his nose into the side of your neck as he slowly began to wake up properly - shrugging off the grogginess. Tom was still really excited for you to realise he was back, predicting you  to excitedly hug him ever so tight and then spend the morning between the sheets. He knew you found the distance tough, especially when all your closest friends were coupled off, it meant you just didn’t have ‘your person’. It was almost as if you were single again and instead of pining over an ex, hopelessly and completely in love with someone across the globe. But that just made your time together even more invaluable and precious.

So even with his slight unease at your slimmer silhouette, Tom didn't have any control over the loopy grin that came to his face as you started to stir and mumble something incoherent, all the while (and subconsciously) inching closer towards him. By the slight fluttering under your eyelid, Tom knew you were waking up and so took the moment to tuck your frizzy bed hair behind your ear. Sighing contently Y/n’s eyes fluttered completely open and Tom met your gaze with the most gently of smiles.

However, he then watched moment by moment as your expression morphed for one of peacefulness and content, through confusion, and ending at pure terror. He had barely thought of asking you why, before you yelped, throwing yourself up into a sitting position and backing as far away on the bed as you could from Tom. “TOM... I-you can’t be here! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!” “Y/n hey what’s wrong-“ “GET OUT! G-GET THE FUCK OUT! YOU CAN’T BE HERE” you  yanked the bedsheets to completely cover your huddled up body, as if trying to protect yourself. At this point, tears were streaming down your face and what truly terrified Tom was the expression of horror in your eyes. He threw his hands in the air and unsteadily stumbled to his feet. “O-okay I’m-“ “GET OUT!!! YOU CAN'T SEE ME GET OUT!” Completely bemused and shocked, Tom just nodded jerkily -already halfway out the door and accidentally slamming it in haste.

He had absolutely zero clue what that was about. But what he knew for a fact? He’d never ever seen you like that… you looked so completely terrified… of him? Tom couldn’t for the life of him work out what the hell was going on, as he paced from the shut door to the hallway wall and back again, running his hand through his hair throughout. He could hear you sobbing and whisper yelling - presumably at yourself. It felt as though his heart was being torn out, seeing you that upset and it appearing as his fault? He was acting on pure instinct and adrenalin because your pain hurt him too. He had no control of the physiological response in his body, making his hands shake and breathing increase in speed as it inversely got shallower too.

And so he took a short inhalation, biting his bottom lip as he knocked on the door. “Y/n?….” He got no response after waiting a couple of seconds so tried again - because he could hear you trying to stifle your sobs. After another two failed attempts he opted for a different approach. “Y/n… I’m worried about you… look, I know your upset right now but I need you to let me know your okay… or I’ll have to come in and…and I don’t want to spook you” “Don’t come in.” It was a sharp reply, with a voice that was cracked and clearly trying to keep It together. “Okay… I-I’m sorry if my surprise of coming home was a dumb idea…I-I’ve missed you.” Tom tried speaking softly, as he knelt down and sat with this back against the wall while nervously fiddling with his watch strap that he’d forgot to take off last night. Again he waited for a response but got nothing, again having to warn you he needed to know you were okay. He heard movements from the other side of the door, making him turn his head to the left, pressing his ear on the cool gloss paint. “I-I’m sorry” You barely were whispering, but Tom could sense you were now sitting in a position mirroring his “You don’t meed to apologise love” Returning her tone, Tom sighed at the end - trying to get his brain to process what was going on.

Y/n wasn’t one to overreact and Tom could count on one hand the number of serious fights they’d had in the three year romance. And even then, he was the one to raise his voice - when she argued it was more reasoned, slow and controlled. Actually it was one of the things that in those moments infuriated him even more - you were just so level headed and sensible. Scratch that, sensible purely in this context - everywhere else you were just as loopy as him. So this situation felt so very alien. He didn’t know how to help you and he bloody hated feeling useless.

After a few moments, you replied to apologise once again, for shouting specifically,  and Tom nodded - not that you could see. But that was one of the things Y/n had taught him, sometimes you just have accept things - no matter the context. Accept he wasn’t actually a superhero and couldn’t do everything, accept that sometimes he could be a dick and out of line or accept an apology.

“Can you.. can you try and tell me why your upset? I want to help.” He was trying to be gentle, non-confrontational. But he knew something was so wrong. He needed to know so he could try and help out. “I…”Y/n began, but quickly trailed off, as if trying to formulate the words properly. “I’ve just been ill and” again another pause “and I haven’t been looking after myself very well. I just planned to be umm- to be better when you got back.”

It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t really the truth either, at least not the whole truth. But it wasn’t a lie.

“I’m not sure I understand why your so worried about what I think though?” Tom inquired, as he started to fiddle with the door handle in his left hand - as if easing the idea of coming into his girlfriend without scaring you. In reply, you sighed again trying to put the words together without explicitly spelling it out to him. “I don’t- I thought you’d just be disappointed or-or think I’m reliant on you. I’m not and I can handle myself I just…. I don’t know.” “I love you, you idiot.”Tom chuckled at that, while standing up. “Can I come in now please? I promise I’m not disappointed just want to help you feel better.”

The door opened and no sooner could Tom take a step forward than Y/n ran into his chest, wrapping herself tightly around him in apology. He knew that he didn’t have the full story but really didn’t want to push her, more preferring to just love her. So that’s what they spent the rest of the morning doing, in their pyjamas and watching TV. Quite obviously, she wasn’t really making a lot of conversation, Tom filled some gaps with talking about filming - to which she’d hum in agreement or chuckle along. But for the most part Y/n was concentrating on something else.

The all-consuming guilt. That was what was eating away at her.

part 2?

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #Tom Holland angst

[shinjaeha]

itsay ep 4 (thoughts + spoilers)

idk even know how to even start this bc i feel like i’m just a big ball of emotions, and this ep was wild. so much happened. last ep was so wonderful and almost languid with how everything played out (esp since it focussed much more specifically on the shift in teh/oh-aew’s relationship). this ep had a bit more of everything, not just the two of them in their bubble anymore. societal forces at play, and hence much more angst. again, this isn’t a  proper analysis, it’s just me ranting and raving as usual as i semi-rewatch this again. this is very long, and there are a lot more things i want to think about in more detail at some point bc i’m mostly just skating over a lot of what happened but i gotta get these thoughts in my head out of me somehow. and i’m not sure if what i’m typing will even make sense bc i MYSELF can barely make sense of what i’m feeling but here i go anyway.

so we start off with the both of them kind of awkward after the night before which is fair enough considering what happened. actually when oh-aew’s habit started playing up again, i thought teh wasn’t going to scratch his back bc he was trying not to ~go there again after the night before, but he did and i was pleasantly surprised like oh...maybe things aren’t that bad?? (YET). also, i can imagine that it would have been reassuring for oh-aew too. like things have changed, but it’s not like teh has completely abandoned him. the touch itself is comforting, like when they were kids.

teh’s mum talking about how she wants both of her sons to bring their girlfriends around (and hounding him about bringing tarn around again) is giving me war flashbacks to my own asian relatives and i can feel the way that must crawl under his skin. I HATE when family members do that (and they always do). but for teh it must be esp hard bc he’s already constantly feeling like he’s vying for his mum’s attention over his brother, and now hoon’s bought back a girlfriend so it’s yet ANOTHER thing he feels like he has to compete with his brother over. in the back of his mind, he knows that he can’t give his mum what she wants if he’s with oh-aew (he can’t ‘win’ over hoon bc heteronormativity). teh is def prone to jealousy fairly easily, but i always feel like his emotions on that base level are also very easy to understand. i’ve been in positions like that before where i’ve felt like i’ve constantly been compared to someone else, and it makes you feel like shit. but also oh-aew having to sit through teh’s mum telling him to let her know if teh and tarn are dating?? ouch.

cue teh trying to avoid what’s going on with them and oh-aew being sad :((( they’re both in so much pain and i feel it and thank god i am no longer a teenager that’s all i can say about this.

the guitar in skyline instrumental is just...making me feel some kind of way. they have so many versions of this song and they always use the right version at the right time how is that.

so the tarn scene!!!!!!!!!!!!!! first thought: holy shit she looks so cute i love her crop top where did she get it i want one. second thought: but why did they make her wear a dark bra under such a light top?? i love that i was thinking this and then it all unravelled in front of me and like...the brilliance. the contrast between the scene in ep 2 (i think?) where teh accidentally peeks at her bra through the buttons of her shirt and gets noticeably flustered, and then this one where she literally wears the same bra under a light shirt ON PURPOSE to get his attention, but he doesn’t even notice?? the way she expects him to colour the hibiscus purple, but he colours it red for oh-aew instead?? it’s so incredibly telling of where his heart is at, and how his feelings have changed. anyway, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he’s just not all there with her anymore, and tarn isn’t stupid...she’s been picking up on the signals since the beginning (why was he so weirdly obsessed with beating oh-aew at the start? why was he willing to wake up at 4am for oh-aew but not for her? willing to tutor the rest of his friends but not spend time with her?). the way she sees him colouring the hibiscus red and it’s her wake up call, like wtf am i DOING bc of this guy????? i love how she acknowledges that her feelings for teh have made it so she’s solely focussed on him and that she hates the things it makes her do (like wearing the bra to gain his attention). ngl i was slightly worried with how they were going to use her character during these later eps with teh being so conflicted (since girlfriends in BLs are usually handled pretty poorly), but i appreciate that she’s still as fleshed out and full of feeling as she ever was. she’s so sweet, and i just wish she had better than this, but i’m glad she called teh out on it. i know he’s confused af rn, and tbh i don’t think he’s handled this as badly (atm at least) as i thought it could have gone, but at the same time, if he doesn’t decide and set his heart on what he really wants, he’s just going to end up hurting them all. LOVE that she basically tells him to get his shit together first before coming back to her. i like her so much. and that scene of teh just walking around and around at the back feeling conflicted while she drew? really reminds me of the squiggly line timeline(?) of how ep 4 was going to go that nadao released before this ep went live. also cmbyn vibes were real in that one.

the devastation in oh-aew’s voice when he asks teh to at least reply his messages ;;; it’s like teh wants to go back to just being friends and oh-aew has kind of accepted that at this point, but at the same time, teh’s not backing that up. he says he wants to be friends, but he doesn’t know how to act ‘normal’ about it anymore, so he pushes oh-aew away instead. good on oh-aew for not taking that shit and standing up for himself too. i absolutely cannot stand seeing oh-aew sad bc pp’s sad face/voice is so good it actually pains me.

notice how teh ALWAYS uses studies/tutoring as an excuse to get closer to oh-aew again...hmmm...does oh-aew see it for what that is now too? that “you’ve never understood me” hit me like a fucking train. to think that they were so attuned to one another last ep, but now teh’s too caught up in he’s own world to realise just how much he’s hurting oh-aew. thanks, i hate it.

i know that he’s needs to figure himself out more and i absolutely stand by the fact that he needs to do that without messing around with either oh-aew or tarn (and also that he’s using studies again to get into oh-aew’s good books instead of talking through feelings and all that), but the chinese idiom book that he made for oh-aew was actually SO CUTE and romantic. all this stuff he does for oh-aew to show that he clearly cares so much, yet he can never accept it enough to get the words out...

I SWEAR THEY PLAY THE INSTRUMENTAL SKYLINE JUST TO CHOKE ME UP. the darting around each other after the neck kiss COUPLED with the skyline instrumental?? it’s like a sad beach scene 2.0. teh making the first (intimate) move this time. every time he’s trying so hard to convince himself he’s not in love with this boy, and every time he keeps coming back. i always feel such a weird mix of happy and sad when i see them together bc i love them but i know teh in particular, is just not ready yet. like the hug scene made my heart leap, BUT they did it in hiding (under the staircase). all their big intimate scenes are in hiding and that just :(((

teh saying that he loves the seawater on his back bc it holds him up, and oh-aew saying but you have to hold your breath in that posture and it gets uncomfortable so he likes letting it go and just sinking sometimes instead (obv paraphrasing but you get the drift)?? THE WRITING IN THIS. it says so much without telling the audience directly...so poetic. everything about this show is so poetic. the way they sink into the ocean and into that space of oh-aew’s where you can just let yourself go without holding back, and then and only THEN does teh finally kiss oh-aew. and it’s beautiful, after holding back for so long, but it’s also painful bc he’s let go but only within this tiny pocket of space and time. in hiding again. that bird’s eye view shot where you can’t see them at all sealed it for me. like you want to be happy, but you can’t really bc you know that they’ve still got so much more to go...like when teh’s hand grazes oh-aew’s chest and you see oh-aew realise again...like that’s partly what stopped teh the first time in ep 3. when his hands stopped at oh-aew’s chest like it hit in for him that he was a boy. anyway, love that they gave us a skam kiss but i’m also very sad. on another note, how the hell did they hold their breath for that long?????

love that they gave us a further 2 more seconds of teh/oh-aew being cute (CONSTANTLY thinking about teh’s fingers dancing across oh-aew’s face and smushing his face in his hands...oh-aew holding the back of teh’s head...just a brief moment of carefreeness) before they went for the jugular. watching teh fight against himself in this way is what hurts. oh-aew begging him to just let go and accept what they are (the way he keeps going “what did i do wrong?? you feel it too!!”) but he’s so tortured he can’t do it. it’s downright fucking heartbreaking. the “one day i’ll stop feeling this way”...could have just stabbed oh-aew and it would have hurt less. all i know is i’m hurting for the both of them. the repression is real, and it just sucks. this whole thing fucking sucks for both of them (and tarn and bas too at that). idk it just gets me that oh-aew is coming out of this having been rejected once again bc teh isn’t ready yet. and i know this but it doesn’t make me any less upset. not at any of them bc it’s hard i know it’s hard...just at the situation. sometimes it feels like teh’s taking a step forward but then he takes two more back instead. the look on teh’s face when oh-aew was like let’s stop being friends...total devastation. i’m done. don’t want to think about it anymore.

i’m glad that oh-aew’s parents are so supportive of him though. i wasn’t sure how close they were based on their previous interaction but they really love him and i’m glad he has that stability to help him through this.

THE SCENE WITH OH-AEW AND THE BRA FUCKING BLEW ME AWAY. this show is always keeping me guessing, and again yet another thing that i wasn’t expecting but it was so visceral. the red of the bra in comparison to tarn’s bra with the purple hibiscus flowers on it...everything connects. oh-aew looking into the mirror with that bra on and thinking about how things would have been different if only :((( and then his breakdown when he realises that it’s not and that’s the reality of the situation. the feeling that gave me sits so deep within my chest i can’t even begin to carve it out.

teh masturbating when he sees that picture of oh-aew and to that picture of yongjian on his wall (idk why it only now just occurred to me that yongjian is always in red too)?? the self-hatred in this scene. the internalised homophobia. my heart feels so heavy.

he KEEPS reaching and it’s going nowhere bc it won’t ever be enough, and that’s not fair on himself and it’s not fair on tarn. like i understand what he’s going through, and i get that he’s extremely confused and needs the clarification, but when he asks tarn to tell her she loves him and he can’t do the same back for her...i just feel so, so, so fucking bad for tarn.

oh-aew hoping that the worksheets left for him were from teh (which would be very on brand of him), but then seeing bas :( maybe in another world, in another life (like teh and tarn)...but he’s such a sweetheart. bas, best boy ;;;

legit as soon as the gang came to see teh off to bangkok and talk to him about how oh-aew was doing terribly (and wasn’t planning on going to the admission exams) i knew where this was going to go. there’s been so much foreshadowing leading up to this, and this was also one of (if not my main theory) with how things were going to eventually play out. but tbh for some reason i thought it was going to play out later in ep 5...but like damn. damn. the way i understand but at the same time i kept going OH TEH :( throughout this. the utter STRESS this bit put me through. THE MISCOMMUNICATION.

anyway, teh’s love language is clearly acts of service. but it can really be to his detriment when he does things impulsively (albeit with care and good intentions), but he doesn’t use his words so things get lost in translation. sometimes actions just aren’t enough and you really do need words to communicate.

the confirmation scene was so tense...even now i’m just sitting here thinking about it and there’s a hole in my stomach at the thought of what teh must be going through and what he ends up doing. like when that last person on the list shows up and you KNOW it’s going to happen but at the same time it’s like a punch to the chest bc there’s just no doubt that teh’s going to turn it down for oh-aew...OF COURSE he would. oh-aew’s split moment of happiness before realising what teh’s done...the absolute dread i still have in me at the realisation of this.

the tension really kept increasing from here on in...teh coming home and his mum just being so fucking proud of him and telling everyone in the restaurant about how happy she is for him (all while teh is absolutely depleted), then tarn coming in and everything bubbling over when she realises what teh’s done too. realises that teh’s in love with oh-aew (smile is so great in this btw like WOW). the “you hurt me and i’m alright with that, teh, but right now you’re hurting yourself” broke my heart. absolutely love tarn as a character and only ever want the best for her.

when he tells his mum :((((((((((( and his mum just goes on about how hard he’s worked and how much he’s already sacrificed only for him to throw that away. he wanted her to be proud of him SO BAD, wanted to not be compared to his brother for once, only for him to give away his place bc he loves oh-aew more than he wants his mother’s praise. more than he wants to compete and ‘win’ against his brother. when she points to hoon and goes “why can’t you be more like him?” and he just loses it. like rubbing salt in the wound. i’m so glad hoon finally hugged him the way i’ve been wanting to this whole time. the banner congratulating him that teh’s mum made with all his materials from before :((( hoon giving him money for uni :((( you ever watch some things and feel like you’ll never be happy again...

okay the way that everything spiralled during the ig story fight?????? what gets me is that teh sacrificed his place thinking that oh-aew wasn’t going to sit the exam at all (he could have just talked to him and convinced him instead but ughhh i understand i get it). oh-aew thinks he did it bc teh didn’t believe he could get in himself (which of course then spurs him to give it up so he can get in through the exam instead). and when teh sees that, it’s like a smack in the face, like he went through all that only for oh-aew to reject it (him). it’s just layers upon layers of miscommunication and the anxiety of it all absolutely guts me. and then the anger mixing into devastation when he opens his book and sees how it’s all cut up. the remnants a reminder of everything he’s done for oh-aew. this boy that he adores but can’t accept he has feelings for. it’s just this mix of anger and sorrow and what have i fucking done?????? and how could he????? the cast were all fantastic but billkin really had to go above and beyond in this one and i could absolutely feel his pain throughout this.

TO PIGGY BACK ON THIS, like i said before, teh has always used studying/tutoring as a tool to get closer to oh-aew, but seeing that book with all the words gone was in part also him realising he doesn’t have that anymore. he can’t use that tool to get close to oh-aew anymore. the only way forward would be to actually get close to oh-aew without the pretences. and the saddest part of this all is that oh-aew doesn’t even NEED all of that (the tutoring, the book of idioms, the relinquishing of his uni spot)...the only thing he wants is for teh to ADMIT his feelings out loud. to admit that he feels the same way about oh-aew that oh-aew feels about him.

it’s funny bc in the last ep, the conversation that had me feeling the most nervous was when they’re talking at the cape, and oh-aew’s telling teh that he’s a rival and inspiration to him. i always KNEW this was going to come back to haunt them. like a constant circle. friends to rivals to friends to more than friends(?) to rivals. it’s a fine line. narratively, it always had to happen, and now they’re back to competing against one another yet again, and it’s going to be so tough bc they’ll have so much more competition on top of that as well.

next ep is going to be very, very hard on teh, but somehow after this ep, i just feel a lot more hopeful about it? i’m pretty convinced at this point that it won’t end in tragedy (which was the thing that i wanted least of all). of course i want both teh and oh-aew to end up together, but i can understand if they don’t. if this ends with them rekindling their friendship again, that’ll be enough for me. their relationship has been so turbulent and passionate that it needs some stability, and hopefully when teh’s in a better state of mind, when he’s at a place when he’s finally accepted all parts of himself, they’ll get there. so if that means it ends on them running to the cape together (even if they’re not technically together) fulfilling their promise to one another in the sunset, then that’s fine with me. i don’t mind an open ending if it makes sense in the context of the story, and i think something like that would. it’s like after such an angsty episode, you need a slight reprieve from it. i have no doubt in my mind that ep 5 will contain darkness, but i do think that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. so for once i feel truly hopeful about it.

i can’t believe we only have one more ep left to go...

#i told sunset about you #itsay #like there's more angst to come but the real climax of it was in this ep that's how i feel anyway #idk if both of them will get in. i HOPE both of them do. #but i just think that when things get angsty at this point of the story there's always a chance for it to turn around #you just need to worry when things are too happy UNTIL you get to the last ep #tbh though i would like a kiss between them out in the open when teh's finally stopped repressing himself #just so he can show the character growth of his whole arc. so he can be free. #i would obv very much like for them to end up together but there's only one ep left so idk if they can get to that point when there's still #so much that teh has to learn to come to terms with #and he's going to be so so stressed with the exam too (i saw the previews and am bracing myself for more heartbreak as he cries) #i did not mean for this to be as long as it was but i was sporadically writing it as i worked and kept thinking of things to add #and it somehow became an essay #i wrote more in this than i've ever written in any of my uni essays GOD #if you read this whole thing you need some kind of medal or something idk man #also random note but teh's mum's kebaya looks like one that my mum owns #text

[youtiaoshutiao]

i just finished "the romance of tiger and rose" and i have nothing to watch now :( do you have any cdrama recs?

hello!!!! sorry i got to this a week late my tumblr is like... neglected currently

anyway i’m so glad u enjoyed tiger and rose!!! i love it so much too :D for cdrama recs, omg it really depends on what u’re looking for!!!! i find it so hard to narrow down dramas that are my faves to recommend because i actually watch very little HAHA and i only watch to completion dramas that i really like anyway xD anyway i’ll just list a few that i’ve watched recently (meaning like... from mid 2019 till now) and really enjoyed!!!

period dramas:

- joy of life 庆余年 (2019): hard to describe this tonally because it’s v irreverant and hilarious yet moving and deep and suspenseful?! the first 15 episodes are fun and enjoyable but i think i really really truly got into it after that and became invested 100%. in my eyes it felt like a fervent love poem to life and the human condition especially towards the end. the characters are all very fascinating and there’s a lot of twisty plot twists. excellent acting and script writing. only caveat is that it’s the first season out of a planned 3 season series so it ends on a cliffhanger, and the female lead doesn’t really have as much agency compared to the other supporting female characters (mainly due to her circumstances and the role she plays i guess).

- young blood 大宋少年志 (2019): YOOO THIS is a huge lovelovelove for me, you have the most lovable squad consisting of 6 very different and generally lonely teenagers who get roped into this secret services thing where they deal with top secret government plots and stuff. and they start off all on the wrong foot and grow to LOVE EACH OTHER and RELY ON EACH OTHER and HAVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. *sobs just thinking about it* has many supporting characters that are interesting and whom u also get invested in. It’s an original script written by Wang Juan 王倦 who also wrote the joy of life script, except young blood is 100% original and not adapted from a webnovel! just like tiger and rose’s script, which is also an original script written by Nan Zhen. this is SUPER SUPER rare nowadays in cdramaland which is why i stan these 2 dramas so hard hahaha. caveat: young blood also ends on a kind of cliffhanger/open ending, but it still felt like the arcs that the entire series covered in terms of character development were well completed so i was okay with it. plus there are lots of hints that there’s also gonna be a season 2, though I think Wang Juan is still writing the script for that.

- under the power 锦衣之下 (2019/2020): this is the drama that tiger and rose is sometimes compared to in terms of how it became so popular unexpectedly. i would wholeheartedly recommend this 100% solely for the OTP which is a Tsundere Embroidered Uniform Guard (Ming-dynasty secret police) ML x Bubbly/talkative/street smart Constable FL. they are SUPER SUPER cute and the leads (who are both my faves) play them super well and their romantic development is presented really organically. the outfits esp the male lead’s are A+++ also and make him look super super hot. i like the OST too. however everything else is quite mediocre lol especially the special effects and the meandering sideplots and there was a whole plot arc that didn’t really make much sense because a lot was edited out because of censorship. STILL VERY ADDICTIVE THO

- the story of ming lan 知否知否应是绿肥红瘦 (2018/2019): a very long drama (but quite normal by cdrama standards lol) basically about the ~journey~ and ~growth~ of our protagonist minglan, unfavoured daughter of a concubine of a relatively high ranking civil servant. it’s a very different vibe to a lot of other cdramas in that it’s very slice-of-life and slow paced, but i think it’s fascinating how it showcases how women deal and work with the internal dynamics of a household in a patriarchal society, and how that affects societal and political affairs as well. her OTP with an unfavoured son from another family (lol) is also very very delicious as it’s basically 2 people who have gone thru a lot of Trauma as children treasuring each other/learning that they too are treasured by the other and them building their own family and household against all odds and evil family members. it’s v long and slow paced as i mentioned earlier but it’s very very rewarding!! and i think many of my tumblr mutuals would agree it’s quite a favourite :D

modern dramas:

(i’ll admit that i’ve only had the brainspace the past 1 year for fluffy brainless modern dramas so all these are just for the FLUFF)

- skate into love 冰糖炖雪梨 (2020): uni drama where the FL re-picks up her true love speed skating after abandoning it for Reasons and gets back into it competitively. her OTP is her primary school deskmate who is an ice hockey player. the otp is very very fun!! the ML has a lot of resentment towards FL initially because FL was quite the bully in primary school but i really like how they resolved it and eventually the ML falls first and falls Really Really Hard and it is Delicious. the career aspects was quite well done also and i really rooted for the FL to rediscover her passion and pick it up again, and also for the ML to become better at his craft. caveat: i actually still have 10 episodes to go as i stalled because i know there’s a couple of episodes coming up that are going to be frustrating because of typical Misunderstanding and Miscommunication blablabla. but that’s pretty common lolol and overall it’s still a cute watch.

- the 致我们 series consisting of 3 dramas : 

1) a love so beautiful 致我们单纯的小美好 (2017): high school drama basically tsundere male lead x bubbly female lead, they’ve been classmates since young and are next door neighbours, female lead has a crush on him since forever

2) put your head on my shoulder 致我们暖暖的小时光 (2019): set in uni, female lead’s doing an internship far from her school, male lead is a physics student and his parents have a flat for him that is near female lead’s internship place, BAM THEY ARE FLATMATES!

3) the love equations 致我们甜甜的小美满 (2020): uni drama, female lead is a chinese language major who loves writing forensic novels online, male lead is a forensic science major.

all 3 are really cute lolol. i put these 3 because i just watched the third one two months ago and i feel like i have to mention it in the context of the first 2 haha. the first 2 were definitely hits both domestically and internationally. i feel the 3rd one kind of flopped? in terms of reception compared to the first 2 and a lot of my drama mutuals couldn’t get into it, and i can understand why because it did feel more unpolished? in terms of directorial choices/the editing/the acting/the script. but i still somehow really loved it for some reason, i think some parts of the ML’s life esp his relationship with his mum really resonated with me, and i loved FL and her friendships with her dormmates so so so so much. so i really rooted for the OTP.  i think objectively in terms of quality i would rate them 2 > 1 > 3, but in terms of feels... i loved them all. and it’s all just pure fluff anyway at the end of the day HAHA.

ok i’m running out of time writing this hehe but also a quick shoutout to my 2 favourite youth/high school dramas forever - With You 最好的我们 (2015) and My Huckleberry Friends 你好旧时光 (2017) which are sister dramas/set in the same universe and imo, are the pinnacle of youth dramas and what it means to capture the anxieties/stresses/mundane joys/pain/beauty of the Chinese/Asian high school experience. 

there are many others from before 2019 that i watched and enjoyed but i didn’t put them in hehe. and i’m sorry HAHA i actually don’t have much trust in my own taste LOL but i hope it helps!!

ohhhh and i’ve been trying to avoid starting on new dramas because of Exam Prep but there’s been SO MANY airing lately that i’ve been interested in:

The Bad Kids 隐秘的角落: apparently super well done suspense/thriller drama that’s receiving rave reviews everywhere!!

Love A Lifetime 暮白首: an original wuxia starring ren jialun (ML in under the power) whom i love so much and zhang huiwen

My Girl 99分女朋友: this is a modern day cdrama written by nan zhen!!! (who wrote tiger and rose) so i think it might be worth checking out :))

#recs #cdrama #joy of life #young blood #the story of Ming Lan #under the power #skate into love #a love so beautiful #Put Your Head On My Shoulder #the love equations #with you #my huckleberry friends #the bad kids #love a lifetime #my girl #mine #drama watching #replies

[ghostiewriter]

1/5 Ok but riven who normally doesn't care much about respecting authority figures being super nervous about meeting musa's dad for the first time. As I can imagine her dad being protective of her esp since her mom died. Musa trying to reassure him but Rivens still stressed out bc he really wants to make a good impression especially after musa went out with golden boy he doesnt want her dad thinking she should be with him instead. Normally he doesnt care what ppl think but knows musa's close to

her dad and would want them to get along. I imagine her dads really nice like in the og winx so that puts riven at ease a little. Anytime her dad asks a sensitive q like about his upbringing musas always there to give him a lil comfort like a reassuring smile, hand on his knee, holding his hand under the table giving it a squeeze, her thumb stroking the back of his hand gently. Musa would probably want to make him less anxious w her powers but I dunno if shed do that since riven didnt want her in his head but I suppose since they're in a relationship hes more relaxed about it as she has more control so could project some calm emotions onto him or smthing idk. I'd definitely want to see riven bonding w her dad and becoming close to him. Her dad looking out for him in a way not many adults have done before, really does a number of riven bc he feels like he belongs there in this little family w musa. Riven updating musas dad on how shes doing bc musa often lies about it not wanting to worry her dad. Riven being more honest w him but always reassuring him that he's looking after her and will always look out for her even if they split up (its rivusa so I imagine they do a once or twice but always get back together) bc she will always be the most precious thing/valuable person in his life and he'll always care about her. Riven telling her dad abt their little spot in the woods that helps musa relax. Her dad helping him plan suprises for dates etc. Him telling riven abt a beautiful place he took musas mom on melody. Riven taking her there when shes missing her mom musa getting all emotional feeling connected to her mom idk maybe she can sense her presence or smthing bc of her powers and her thanking riven telling him she wishes her mom couldve met him she would've liked him. Riven feeling more loved than he has before both of them emotional messes. Cut to years later and riven proposing in this spot. Idk what this ramble is but here u are a gift🎁

OKAY BUT STOP THIS WAS THE CUTEST FUCKING RAMBLE EVER AND OMG MY HEART🥺I never knew how badly I needed Riven bonding with her dad until now! Especially along with the idea that his home life is a bit shitty or not exactly ideal, so he’s expecting Musa’s dad to be similar to her own but instead it’s this really, tight-knit family that is just the complete opposite of the family he’s known. AND OMG IMAGINE MUSA HAVING LITTLE COUSINS THERE AND RIVEN PLAYING WITH THE WEE COUSINS OMG🥺like he acts all tough and then you see him running around playing with these kids in the garden and holy shit I’m so soft.

AND THEN FOR HER DAD TO LIKE OPEN UP ABOUT MUSA’S MUM? And telling Riven about that spot and him taking Musa there and them having this moment where she really opens up to him about life with her mum because she trusts him with those memories and feelings. Just imagine her taking Riven to her mother’s grave to introduce him and she suddenly feels a bit stupid about it but then he’s grabbing her hand and sitting right next to her and talking as if Musa’s mum is there and she’s just smiling so softly.

FUCK ME I NEED ALL OF THIS NOW, NONNIE YOU HAVE FUCKING KILLED ME WITH THIS RAMBLE AND JUST😭😭😭ITS SUCH A SOFT CONCEPT OF HIM FINDING HIS TRUE FAMILY IN HER FAMILY AND I NEED IT SO MUCH!!!

#ask #rivusa #IM SO FUCKING SOFT OMG🥺

[madsdefencesquad]

I'm bombarding you with asks because I have no one to talk to about kevison 😣. What do you think kevison will struggle with as a couple? How do you think the season will play out for them? The writers have to convince all the people who feel like kevison is forced, rushed, Kevin's settling, sophie's still the one, ect.

Awww anon! Feel free to reach out as we do have a dedicated Kevison chat where everyone’s welcome to come and join and talk all things Kevison. In saying that, beware of about a thousand messages on the daily 🤪

Since we already know how affectionate and intimate Kevison are by the 40th birthday, which is months after the pregnancy reveal, we can expect (or hope) to see flashbacks of them navigating the initially strange situation that they’re in where, as Justin says, "you have one person that's yapping at the other and then the other person is yapping at the other and [they’re] making fun of each other — they're friends that get annoyed with each other.” And then of course moving on to the ones during their “dating” period which most likely happened post-hookup, then during their unofficial engagement, the birth of the twins then afterwards. I can see them tackle:

Madison’s bulimia and eating disorder and how that’s affecting her. There’s a reason why she said “I feel like crap” to Kevin and used “morning sickness/at all hours of the day” as an excuse to Kate and the police woman. Given that we saw Madison quite readily give Kevin the sexy eyes a few months into their quarantining together, Kevin would 100% have been instrumental in making her see herself and her growing and changing body as something beautiful and worth allowing herself to be sexually free and explorative. I can see them navigate through this pre-engagement and post-engagement leading to the birth of the twins.

Kevin’s “broken parts”. Homeboy’s got a looooooooot of baggage. But then again, so does Madison. As they start becoming closer during quarantine or even as they navigate their unofficial engagement, I can see Madison take the more practical, logical and rather guarded route. She is the head to Kevin’s heart, and since we know that Kevin wears his heart on his sleeve, I can see them really struggle through their feelings of wanting each other so much just as much as they want to have a family together, but to do it in the right way and where either one of them won’t get hurt. There’ll be lots of angst here for sure so bring about four to five thousand tissue boxes.

Kevin’s career. Justin’s said that we’ll get to see Kevin make quite significant leaps in his career (Emmy and Oscar awardee Mr. Kevin Pearson errbody!!) so it’ll be interesting to see them navigate this particularly after the twins are born. What kind of jobs will Kevin take? How long will he be away from his family while he’s working? Can he keep up being away from them and missing major milestones? I doubt he’ll want to so how will they navigate this? How will Madison navigate her career too while juggling the twins? I have a feeling she’ll be a full-time mother at least for the first few years of the twins, but we’ll see since we still don’t know her job!

Living arrangements. We know that they’ll eventually have the big house that Kevin builds for them in the flash-forward so this’ll definitely be an interesting topic to address. How does Kevin convince Madison to uproot from her home where she’s been comfortable all her life to an entire new state to build their new home and life together? Will Madison bring all her Japanese decorations or will Kevin burn them before she gets a chance to pack JUSTKIDDINGGG 🤪🤪🤪

Relationship with the Pearsons esp. with Kate and Madison’s family. Their relationship is so unconventional that even months later, Kate (with Toby) still thinks that them as couple is weird. How do they navigate their unconventional relationship while the rest of the family have their eyes on them? What about Madison’s estranged family? How will they break the news to them if ever? Surely Kevin will manage to convince Madison to do so since they are going to be g-parents, but how will their unconventional relationship be seen/accepted/rejected?

Being parents. THIS. And every single obstacle and challenge involved with raising their mini-me’s. Prepare a pillow to scream into when they show daddy!Kevin and maybe a table you can bang your fist onto while you squeal at the cuteness of them being parents. Looooots of parental struggles for MUM AND DAD.

Honestly, the Sophie sitch isn’t even worth fretting over. They had their damn goodbye episode already and we’re wayy too deep into Kevison territory with lots of stuff to go through to even worry about a ship that’s lying at the bottom of the ocean. SWIM THE F UP PEOPLE, don’t suffocate and drown down there

Also, look at the way Kevin just LOOKS at Madison. It has more love, affection, intimacy, adoration than any that we’ve ever seen Kevin look at any of his past romances including Sophie (not that I’m denying their chemistry, it was there but Kevin with Madison now is >>>>>>>>>>> ). But also, just the way he acts around Madison. He’s comfortable, he’s talkative knowing that she’ll always hear whatever it is that he has to say (like seriously, that boy was barely inside their room and he was already talking about water pressure lol), he’s so aware of her and has her on his mind like 24/7 (i.e. when he was driving and he just looks over her like boyyy I know you can’t help it BUT TURN BACK AROUND BEFORE YOU CRASH THAT DAMN CAR) and an infinity more. We’re in for a crazy, angsty wild ride, anon but it’s going to be so damn epic!

#The fact that they've convinced so many people already of how good they are in just two eps shows you how powerful they are #that chemistry? FIRE #that affection? UNMATCHED #also if anyone wants to fight me on kevison being endgame lezzgooo #imma sucker punch y'all with kevison gifs and receipts faster than you can say endgame #but for real it's going to be such a wild ride and I'm sahhhh excited to see it unfold #like you just know they're going to break us #slowly and painfully while trying to not laugh at how hilarious they are too #also if what we saw of Kevin around Madison in these two eps was SETTLING #THEN LET ME GET MY GDAMN BLANKET COZ I AM READY TO SETTLE FOR THIS SHI #I’m sorry for this long as post again I keep getting carried away #but you keep opening Pandora’s box!! 😭😭😭😭 #jks I love it thanks for this ask #ILYILYILY #kevison #kevin and madison #this is us #this is us madison #anon #ask #I’m sorry if I legit made no sense btw kevison gives me crackhead energy

[beautifulletdownfics]

Okay STWS break my heart, why don’t you?! So many thoughts and emotions on this latest insight into their world 🥺🥺. I think my favourite theme of this fic (and there are many!) is the idea of them stealing moments away with each other, esp when surrounded by others -> “handsy moments alone downstairs” in the middle of his birthday party. I love how they manage to do that at the pub quiz, at drinks with his mates just 🥰🥰🥰

(2) I also esp loved Harry asking to join Amelia on her trip before he’d thought it through completely, it reminded me of the airport scene when he blurted out and ask her to come by his. Beautiful! And the fact that they were at “hello kisses” on the platform, and Harry was wondering that a few chapters ago. (3) ok so my notes from this chapter say “Harry just sees her completely and that’s beautiful”. Tbh not sure what that line relates to (I think the bit about opening up to love) but also I think just sums up Harry quietly observing her and filing away little facts and thoughts. Oh and this LINE: “He’s exuding this happiness that Amelia likes the taste of but knows she can’t afford to develop the palette for”. KATEY THAT’S BEAUTIFUL and heartbreaking. (4) I also really liked Harry telling the story of his grandfather breaking things to give Harry something to fix when his mum was sick. Do we think Amelia’s gran ever does this? I think so maybe! I also then had a vision of something breaking up high and Gran saying “we’ll need that nice boy back now to fix it, will you bring him next time?”. I had a feeling the google alert was coming but it still hurt to read Harry’s POV. How did you think of that idea? Thanks for sharing!!! ++

Ah shut up! You’re so wonderful, your reviews are always so details and thoughtful and marvellous, thank you so very much for taking the time. I love them. I particularly love the little things that you notice and then draw attention to, I put a lot of thought into smaller details and having people recognise them and appreciate them is amazing!

I love the stolen moments, and I love the idea of characters recalling things and leaving the reader to build that part of the story themselves with that they know of the characters. I loved the idea of everyone being able to imagine for themselves how Harry grabs Amelia while she’s talking to someone or maybe when she’s sorting herself a new drink and he either drags her away somewhere or corners her wherever she is, and his hands just can’t stop touching and maybe they sneak under her clothes or tease her over her clothes ... I like leaving the particulars of the moment up to you! 

Hello kisses!! Harry’s such a sentimental, emotional character and having him track their relationship in his head so differently to how Amelia is interpreting it all is a challenge at times. But the slow increase in intimacy and familiarity has been fun to track. Also having Amelia lap it all up at times but then flip to trying to resist or detach from it ... it hurts me to have her hurting!

I’d never thought about Amelia’s Gran making up jobs for her to do! But I think Harry’s grandfather was trying to give Harry something constructive to be working on and doing while his mother was unwell. It was a way of building Harry up and giving him things to be proud of in himself, because when his mother eventually passed away if Harry hadn’t been able to see he had value and worth he would have had a much harder time. 

The Google alert thing came from a friend of mine having one set up for her ex bf (he’s an actor) and when they broke up I remember making her turn it off ... Anyway, I stored it away because when they were together there was some romance to it I think ... Harry probably got the idea after reading about Amelia’s company when it wasn’t going well and just adding her name to the dozen or so other Google News alerts he has. 

Thank you so much for noticing little things and giving me a space to talk about some finer details!! xx

[anabelsbrother]

so I went to see Mamma Mia 2 last Saturday and it was so beautiful it made my entire week. I’m planning to see it again sometime this week but anyway, this happened:

so ofc I got inspired and spent 4 hours listening to the soundtrack of both movies and assigning each song to a Marchetta couple/character so here’s a gratuitous (AND SUPER LONG) post about it:

when I listened to When I Kissed a Teacher my mind went THIS IS A FRANKIE SONG!!!

like imagine her lipsyncing to this in Mr Ortley’s class 

and then actually singing it because duh, it’s Frankie

oh my god I Wonder is defo a Siobhan/Tara/Jimmy song before they leave like

It’s frightening Leaving now // Is that the right thing? I wonder // It scares me But who the hell am I If I don’t even try? // I’m not a coward

imagine Georgie/Sam singing One of Us after they took a break and after Sam fucked things up huh

I saw myself As a concealed attraction // I felt you kept me away From the heat and the action // Just like a child // Stubborn and misconceiving // That’s how I started the show // One of us had to go

ahahahahahah Waterloo is a Will Trombal song I mean

the history nod??? his feelings for Frankie???

I was defeated, you won the war // Waterloo // Promise to love you, for ever more // Waterloo // Couldn’t escape if I wanted to // Waterloo // Knowing my fate is to be with you

Why Did It Have To Be Me is such a fun song???? 

it’s defo one of my faves and it kinda reminds me of Siobhan when I listen to it??? maybe Siobhan in London??

I was so lonesome, I was blue // I couldn’t help it, it had to be you and I // Always thought you knew the reason why // I only wanted a little love affair // Now I can see you are beginning to care // But baby, believe me // It’s better to forget me

it’s such a cheeky song I love it

I Have A Dream is a Justine Kalinsky song bc it’s so pure like her

imagine Tom Mackee strumming his guitar and sing-shout Kisses of Fire after dinner with Tara

Kisses of fire, burning, burning // I’m at the point of no returning // Kisses of fire, sweet devotions // Caught in a land-slide of emotions // I’ve had my share of love affairs but they were nothing compared to this

helloooooooo Andante, Andante is a Tom/Tara 1.5 night stand theme song ok ok ok 

I’m your music // I’m your song // Play me time and time again, And make me strong // Make me sing, make me sound // Andante, Andante // Tread lightly on my ground // Andante, Andante // Oh, please don’t let me down

also that bit about making your fingers soft and light mmhmm 

The Name of the Game is an accurate Georgie song where she sings it to Sam in the beginning of the relationship because she doesn’t know where he stands

I was an impossible case // No one ever could reach me // But I think I can see in your face // There’s a lot you can teach me // So I wanna know // What’s the name of the game? Does it mean anything to you? // What’s the name of the game? Can you feel it the way I do?

I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH

Knowing Me, Knowing You is a difficult song but

We just have to face it // This time we’re through // Breaking up is never easy, I know // But I have to go // Knowing me, knowing you // It’s the best I can do

is about Georgie/Sam after the whole case with The Suit getting pregnant

Angel Eyes is another difficult song?? the first part is so Tara out with the girls and saw Tom with Sarah smh

but I also love this part for Georgie:

Sometimes when I’m lonely I sit and think about him // And it hurts to remember All the good times // When I thought I could never live without him // And I wonder // Does it have to be the same? // Every time when I see him // Will it bring back all the pain?

Mamma Mia is definitely a 4 Horsewomen of the Apocalypse song

Katie @arjuro : “I’m trying to picture them singing Mamma Mia after Tara sees Tom and Sarah together and she’s a bit crushed. And Ned all but almost walks out because he doesn’t do ABBA”

again Dancing Queen is a 4H song but maybe also just Frankie and Siobhan belting it out together

I’ve Been Waiting For You is such a beautiful song I cried buckets in the movie

and also it’s a Mia/Frankie song

I’ll carry you all the way // And you will choose the day // When you’re prepared to greet me // I’ll be a good mum, I swear // You’ll see how much I care // When you meet me

oh god Fernando

imma just put down Fernando as a Tom Finch song bc of the war bit rip

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA My Love, My Life fucking broke me

esp after I assigned it to Nanni Grace re: Joe Mackee

But I know I don’t possess you // With all my heart, God bless you // You will be my love and my life // You’re my one and only

fuck my whole miserable life

Super Trouper !!!! SUPER GREAT SONG, SUPER GREAT SCENE IN THE MOVIE

the first bit could be Justine Skyping in from Prague feeling homesick and wishing every show was the last show

but just the song could be a 4H song with Jimmy and Tom singing SUPA PA TROUP PA PA in the background

consider: live band night turning into ABBA karaoke

the Mackees hollering in the audience

Stani almost losing it in the back because Frankie yet again lied and the Union was now stained with ABBA

actually I also made this with soundtrack from the first movie but this is already too long hahahahhahha also check out this one I did with Katie re: The Sound of Music and Jimmy and Frankie a year ago it’s probably my best work luls

#melina marchetta #saving francesca #the piper's son #mmhc #i had so much fun w this #anyway I LOVE MAMMA MIA

[silver-leaf-girl]

so I read Record of a Spaceborn Few

so, I just finished the audiobook of Becky Chambers Record of Spaceborn Few last night, and haha do I have some feelings. it is a beautiful, and lovely book?

mild spoilers, and initial review-y thoughts below?

I think a lot of my friends will be familiar with Becky Chambers’ stuff, but for context (since context is such a theme in this book) - they’re queer-positive, fairly soft sci fi, focusing on the relationships (shipmates, romantic, rivalries, friendships) between individuals in the world, rather than colossal Events of Galactic Significance (esp. compared to stuff like Ann Leckie, who I also like a lot). they’re also focused on humans (and their creations, <3 Lovelace in Book 2) as a kind of marginal and hardscrabble recently discovered species that’s not up to much, rather than casting us as the kind of ‘Humanity F- Yeah!‘/humans are special/have a unique manifest destiny that a fair amount of other sci fi does (a lot of people compare Chambers with the Mass Effect universe, which I genuinely don’t like because of this).

RoSF is very much in the tradition of this kind of small-scale ‘cosy’ sci-fi, dealing with the Exodan Fleet and its inhabitants who fled an environmentally devastated Earth, and who are under the three strains of the loss of one of their Generation Ships to metal fatigue, the visit of a well-meaning but intrusive alien anthropologist (whose broadcasts back home to her wealthy alien planet are really well-captured), and the issue of emigration/immigration/decline (?) of the Fleet. It follows a variety of plot lines - a fleet archivist, a recent immigrant, a restless teen guy, a caretaker (a kind of priest/funerary worker, really interesting), and a harried mum who’s considering leaving the fleet. It really inhabits their everyday lives and concerns; it indirectly tells a bigger story about uncertain cultural identity, but is focused on these small intimate stories.

The big through-line in the book is a sense of community, shared history, and what we owe to the past. The ships of the Exodan Fleet are maintained and patched together from their own scraps; people carry on identities, meanings and (as is discussed in one rather haunting bit towards the end) even bodies and ways of living as relics from a planet they will never set foot on; and (a really key theme) the nutrients of the bodies of the dead are recycled in a really emotive and heartfelt funereal ritual. How different people struggle with the past - rejecting it, chafing against it, seeking it out to fill holes in themselves, finding meaning in it, preserving it, making it - is so key throughout the book, both in the fiction, in the language, and the structure (bookended by two naming ceremonies, using a form of words that is so beautiful I feel I have to put it in a reblog), and it puts together a beautiful picture of a changing society where people are trying to preserve the values they built it on. The notion of recognising the fleet/the fleet you grew up in - is really powerful, and honestly a bit heart-in-throat.

But the notion of keeping shared history for its own sake isn’t enough - what’s worth preserving? Politically, it’s v. interesting too - there’s quite a lot of (well-blended-in) exposition and description of how the Fleet operates, and it’s ... well, if not Post Scarcity Fully Automated Luxury Gay Pacifist Space Communism, then at least Low Scarcity Labour-Egalitarian Lib Fem Space Anarcho-Socialism. The way that humans live and coexist alongside each other - where people come together, and where the faultlines between them are - is really well-illustrated without becoming didactic, and the idea of the fleet as this utopian, half-realised, desperate-but-now-slightly adrift project is really beautiful and well-evoked. The book is hopeful and convincing about the liberatory potential of this project (there’s a beautiful bit towards the end about even people leaving the fleet still being part of it and embodying what it values and means, but is ultimately clear-eyed about the fact that it’s the marginalised, minority part of a species that is nothing special on the galactic field and is surrounded by wealthy and powerful neighbours. It’s clear about the lingering crud of human social structures, about being undercut by intense, tragic disaster, by unequal external trade and internal corruption, and about the dubious appeals of the austere space-borne (and spaceborn) life compared to what the capitalist world beyond offers - but it’s hopeful nonetheless that people can make something of it, and that the fleet can carry on.

In terms of ~queer content~, it’s not quite as rich a vein as some of the previous books (first one had a lot more queer aliens and relationship structures, second had an incredibly strong trans metaphor as a through-line with an AI working out embodiment), but it’s got a lot of stuff that works with this too? Isabel, one of the main characters, is in a beautifully described and lovely wlw relationship, and her date with her wife where they’re remembering how they met is one of the most lovely bits of the book? Sometimes it’s OK not to have difficult queer feelings be an important part of the book. Sometimes just happy elderly lesbians is all you want/need! There’s also some interesting stuff with Sunny - a sex worker - and his relationship with Eyas, a funerary worker/caretaker - about the concept of ‘caring for bodies’, and the emotional labour that goes into that?

In terms of writing, it’s beautiful and lovely, just as much a warm hug and cup of hot chocolate as any of the other books in the series - it’s not super-lyrical or evocative in its use of language, but that’s not the point - it’s heartfelt and evokes real, flawed-but-good people in messy but fixable situations. The narration by Patricia Rodriguez on the audiobook version that I listened to is fantastic - I particularly like the way that she subtly changes language and accent on the different viewpoint characters to evoke the way different cultural perspectives and denaturalising the protagonists’ narrative voice.

So yes - it’s a small, beautiful, character-focused book with an extremely evocative sense of community and history. I cried a few times listening to it.

I’d definitely recommend it - probably on its own, but ideally in the context of the other two books before it, to flesh and round out the world(s) it evokes.

#becky chambers #leah reads #record of a spaceborn few

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRR Book 2 Chapter 12

• We’re now in the second half of the book. Shit’s officially gonna start going down fam.

• OMG this post turned into a monster-post. I’m shook.

• The chapter is titled “Family Ties”, which is interesting because there ARE so many filial relationships being explored in this chapter: Hana and Xinghai’s bond, Liam simultaneously supporting and standing up to his father, Maxwell and Drake finally making peace over the consequences of their siblings’ actions.

•

HANA IS HALF-CORDONIAN? It makes even more sense now that her parents (or her mother, rather) would want her to marry into nobility.

• Leo’s mother has also been described as being from a minor noble house. From what Leo and Liam tell us, nobles from minor houses don’t spend a lot of time at court, and generally don’t have a lot of the advantages that a house like the Nevrakis’, Beaumonts or Madeleine’s house do. I wonder if Hana’s mum’s obsessive training was a result of her wanting Hana to have a part in noble/courtly life - for whatever sentimental reasons - and have the advantages that she may not have had. How does Xinghai fit into this equation? I’m even more confused now but I LOVE this possibility because it’s even better than the cardboard cutout villains some of us (me included, I admit) were originally imagining.

• Hana’s mom is out of town for festivities? What festivities? TELL US PIXELBERRY.

• I mentioned last chapter that the father would probably be more grounded and chill than the mother, and that’s exactly what they showed us 😎

• Interestingly the word Hana used for speaking of how her father felt about both her broken engagement and not getting Liam last season was “worried”. But when she speaks about success in court she clubs her parents together. What IS the dynamic between Xinghai and his wife?

• Maxwell is doing a lot of wiggly lettered words this chapter 😂

• Hana that dress has a THIGH HIGH slit. Are you sure your dad will approve? 😂

• Only four days and I’m so done with the Maxwell-Drake feud already.

• I really like Xinghai so far? He relates to the MC on how to deflect the attention a scandal provides and admires the MC’s concern for Hana. This statement I think needs more elaboration in the coming chapters:

Is he referring to Hana’s phone fight with her mother here?

• PANDAS

• SO. MANY. PANDAS.

• PANDAS. AND CORGI. TOGETHER.

• Okay, just two pandas. BUT STILL.

•

It occurs to me that not only does Liam like animals, but he also seems to have a way with them and is sensitive to some of their moods. I mean he also bonded with the corgi pretty quickly. This man 😍

• Xinghai: …and that’s why they call a group of pandas an ‘embarrassment’.

Maxwell: Who ever thought I could have so much in common with pandas?

😂😂😂😂 Oh Maxwell. Never change.

• I miss Bertrand 😢

•

THIS STORY IS SO BEAUTIFUL 😭😭😭 Having kiddie Hana look all happy at the sight of a newborn panda is something I didn’t know I needed in my life 😍 I have a feeling Xinghai is someone who can’t have a lot of family time owing to his work, and tries to bond with his only daughter when he can. Maybe her mother does the lion’s share of the upbringing, laying pressure on Hana and having a lot of expectations of her.

• I like how Olivia gets all flustered if you choose the friendly options xD

• Also @ladynevrakis pointed out that Liam and Olivia have never featured in a diamond group scene together so far, interestingly enough. Liam was not present during the fondue party or the street food scenes, nor was Olivia present at camping (understandable) or the panda reserve. Hmm.

• Drake. Enough complaining about food you don’t like just because it looks a certain way. I can understand it in Italy coz they probs gave you itty bitty bits that didn’t fill your stomach but THAT THING Hana’s showing you could feed an entire army. You haven’t even tried the damn thing. I wouldn’t have had such a problem but this is becoming a pattern with him honestly and I can do without it.

• What is this dish called? It looks GORGEOUS I’m so hungry now. I mean crispy noodles and bell pepper and is there rice too? YUM.

• I’m still a little suspicious of Regina, but I do love the tiny interaction we see between her, Constantine and the MC when Constantine collapses. She acts quickly and dolefully tells the MC that she is to keep this a secret from the court. Very protective. I admire this side of her.

• Liam individually takes the call to bring the MC to the hospital and to tell her the truth. Not just because he loves her, but also because it isn’t fair to keep her further in the dark since she has already seen it happen, and because she deserves answers. This is very in-character for Liam. Things that disturb him, distress him, come out only when he finally feels there is no other way around it. Same happened with his revelation about his mother’s death. He brought it up only when he felt there was no other way to alert the MC to the dangers of the court in general.

• As predicted earlier, the circumstances of Constantine’s abdication back in Chapter 10 of Book 1 come out now. I was right - and then wrong (or maybe half-right lol idek anymore) - about him dying. I assumed he was dying through most of Book 1, then wondered if there were outside influences that he thought Liam would be fully equipped to handle instead, but it turns out both reasons factored into this decision and all the ones taken thereafter.

• …exactly how effective a monarch was Constantine? 😐 Esp if his enemies have grown BOLDER during his reign?

• Looks like the rot isn’t just within Cordonia but outside of it. @feisty-mary pointed this out, and mentioned that there is a chance we might encounter Francesco from Italy again. Bertrand stated that he and Liam’s mother were friends. Hmm. Interesting.

• “Inexperience can be seen as weakness, and weakness, even in appearance…especially in appearance…could be fatal”. I don’t like Constantine, and I hate what he did. But I find this statement of his very interesting. Where is this coming from? From his experiences with Leo’s mom? From Liam’s mother’s murder? From seeing Leo not adjust to court very well? From the circumstances surrounding the previous assassination attempts? What? I have so many questions about this fam honestly.

• So Madeleine is seen as a better ally, and Olivia is seen as “too rash, especially in light of her family’s history”. This has as much to do with their families as with them. We know very little about Madeleine’s family, but we do know that 1. Her dad is practically royalty, 2. Her mother, no matter her behaviour, is still from a respectable noble house, and 3. Regina, the woman who eventually reigned as Queen the longest alongside Constantine, is Fydelian. Meanwhile, we know that the Nevrakis family have been 1. Largely viewed as traitors to the Crown by insiders, and 2. There is a possibility that Liam’s mother was still alive when they were killed, since he mentions that his “parents” were with him when they found Olivia alone in Lythikos. My pet theory is that they were actually loyal to the crown and tried to warn Liam’s mother, but were framed and killed off before she could truly get the message about how unsafe she really was.

•

This moment is a true game-changer for Liam. Thus far, we have only seen glimpses of Liam wielding his powers. We’ve seen it in flashbacks given by other people, in the way people act around him. This is the first time we are actually seeing him take a stand in front of the MC. When I talked about Liam being focused on eliminating the rot in the court, this is what I meant. He hears Constantine out, yes, but he also calls him out on his excuse that he had no choice. Constantine always had a choice. Liam spouts out some of the most powerful dialogue I have heard in this book so far: “You act as though you did not have a choice. But you made a decision about what you were willing to do. What kind of king…what kind of father…you wanted to be. Here is mine.”

• Liam’s point is this. It’s not just that he is “above” the ugliness of the Cordonian court. Or that he doesn’t want any part in it. He is not just saying he will not become his father or lower himself to that level. He is saying he will eliminate that rot from its roots, even if it means having to confront his sickly father on what could be his deathbed, and get him to own up to his actions.

• Not many people are going to discuss this, so I might as well put it out there. This can’t have been easy on Liam. At all. Having to go to the father you loved, respected and trusted, who you know is going to die soon, whose suffering you have witnessed firsthand…and stand up to him and tell him to take responsibility for his actions - that is not easy on any child. It takes a lot of fortitude to do what he did, and I’m legit salty that I won’t see as many posts on this as I will see kink jokes (I love the kink jokes, no question, but not when I see very little serious discussion on him as a character? Even with the news of the assassination attempt and how it affected Liam, I saw very very little discussion going on). I’m also legit salty that hints have been given throughout the books of what he’s like as a monarch and a man, yet he will still be called a 'flat’, 'boring’, 'bland’ character. He may not be what some people are looking for but you cannot deny that his development has been consistent, and has been deep. It’s still incomplete and there are still things about him left to explore, but what we’re getting is a man who is struggling with everything he has ever been taught to believe. This is the man many people have been calling 'pushover’, 'stupid’, 'weak’, 'spineless’ post the Book 1 Finale, and Book 2. Yet here he is, standing up to the man who was once his king and is now his subject, and telling him that he will NOT become his father, or do the things his father has done.

• I don’t think MurderKing works as a theory. It was a great crack theory that got certain things right, and that people began taking seriously as Book 2 progressed, but that’s as far as it goes for me. Was it possible Constantine would be involved in the scandal back then? Sure. But this theory also involves him in the death of Liam’s mother and Leo’s mother’s disappearance. Especially given the revelations of the last chapter, I feel like having him be responsible for everything would be too simplistic and tie the plot-ends up together too quickly. It makes more sense for different forces to be involved in different aspects of the conspiracy: Constantine was definitely involved in dragging the MC into a scandal and blackmailing Olivia, but other people over the years were involved in destroying the stability of the royal family and the peace of Cordonia.

• Constantine’s main reasoning for not admitting to orchestrating the scandal in public is that it would make Cordonians lose faith in Liam as well. WELL DUDE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE DOING THIS SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

• Time to catch hold of Tariq and convince him to clear the MC’s name.

• I hope the MC TOOK Liam’s permission before telling the group about what went down at the hospital. Ffs. The guy didn’t even admit it to you until there was no other way, shouldn’t you have asked him first? 😐

• The MC is free…or so we’re led to think.

• “I suppose in times of war or conquest, the Nevrakis rulers were known to eat in dire circumstances…” (I’m paraphrasing here) O God Olivia you make a walk to the night market sound so dramatic 😂

• I’m shipping Drake and Olivia every chance I get xD

• Hana Lee: The Human Embodiment of Yelp, Burrp and Zomato 😍 She’s literally a walking food recommendation blog.

• Good Lord I’m glad Drake and Maxwell made up. That fight was beginning to test my patience. I did like it very much though because Drake finally admitted to realising the sacrifices Maxwell made, and that even his original decision to keep quiet about Savannah’s whereabouts came from a respect for Savannah’s wishes. And Maxwell for his part acknowledged that keeping people in the dark was really a misguided option and he should have known better.

•

The mysteries never cease in House Beaumont. I recall @feisty-mary saying at some point that there is a possibility that allies to the Crown were being leeched of their strength one by one, and that the plight of Beaumont House could also be attributed to this. Only time will tell what secrets our sponsor house still holds.

•

Pixelberry…TRR writing team…I’d like to know who wrote this dialogue 😑 Prince? PRINCE??? She’s never called him that even when he was a prince why the heck would she start doing it when he’s Cordonia’s KING?

• Bastien’s here for positive reasons, given that the cliffhanger indicates danger. If they’re going to end the chapter with super-tense music, an angry Liam and a parting line that reads “what are Bastien’s intentions?”, chances are you will get the exact opposite.

#the royal romance #king liam #king liam the sexy #trr hana #trr maxwell #trr drake #trr olivia #trr constantine #trr xinghai #trr book 2 #cordonia #trr quick thoughts #quick thoughts

[liu-lang]

A really long post abt my curly hair & the changes my curls have been through. tagging @laskyjedneplavovlasky bc you asked to see results of my plait

Okay so I only ended up plaiting my hair for one night bc right after my boyfriend found bed bugs in his bedroom. I thought I’d finally take the opportunity to make a post about my hair tt I’ve kinda wanted to for awhile. 

I’ve always been confused when ppl describe my hair as wavy and I’d be quick to correct them, no it’s curly. Obviously I don’t see the back of my head often. And when taking selfies with a front-facing camera, my hair looks curly to me. But finally having someone take photos of my hair from behind made me realise why ppl think I have wavy hair. 

I’m gonna refer to these photos by the row number + left / centre / right. So in the top most row, the photo on the left (1L), tt’s my hair the morning after plaiting it. I think I put AG Recoil Curl Activator the night before after showering to detangle it. Sleeping with a plait was super uncomfortable ??? It felt weird to have all my hair tied up instead of how I usually sleep with my hair down (and consequently moving freely all over my pillow). It might have been uncomfortable bc it was my first time but also with these results, I’m not sure if plaiting my hair is the right way to go to encourage my curl pattern. My hair was also still damp when I took it out of the plait. But I’m really glad I tried it bc now I know. I wonder if I will achieve different results if my hair was healthier. 

Also just to point this out before I forget, in 4R, tt’s the back of my little sister’s head. She has slightly wavy hair. She wears it about shoulder length now so her hair just looks straight. And my twin sister has straight hair. I rmbr asking her what she does with her hair while we were just together for xmas and she said she just shampoos it and then dries it without any product. I remarked tt I wish my hair could be tt maintenance-free…… my life would be so much easier.

1R, 2L and 2R are all my hair with any of the following products in it and the way I usually style my hair. 2R is my hair this morning right after waking up. I can’t rmbr which photo has which product. They aren’t all too different photo-wise. But I will say I think using straight up coconut oil, although hydrating does the least for encouraging and holding curl pattern. I only use 1 product at a time and I use the product to both detangle and style after I’ve showered.

Trader Joe’s Organic Triple Filtered Coconut Oil (I started using this when I was btwn hair products & didn’t want to spend money on stuff tt might end up not working for my hair)

AG Recoil Curl Activator

AG Foam Weightless Voluminiser

Urban Hydration Coconut Oil Styling Cream w/ Avocado Oil & Argan Oil

I don’t have the financial means nor the time nor do I want to make a giant effort to get ~perfect curls~ so I know most of my complaints could be addressed if I had those things or wanted to put in the energy / have the patience to do extra stuff to my hair. It took me awhile to also realise tt I can have different curl patterns throughout my head of hair. It tends to be straighter underneath and the top layers have more curls. There are all these rules / suggestions on how to sleep w/ curly hair “properly”, how to wash it and style it, how to care for day 2 / day whatever hair, how to dry your hair etc …. obvs I don’t care enough to do all the things but I try and do what i can. I stopped using shampoo several years ago and have a co-washing routine. Long story short this is what I do now :

I shower everyday so tt means I wash my hair everyday … this is not recommended for curly hair … but I developed seborrhoeic dermatitis along my hairline near my neck and left ear in high school (there are small localised patches tt flare up due to who knows what… mostly likely weather or stress … they’ve never spread to other pairs of my scalp or my body #pleasedon’tspread). When I shampoo I use Neutrogena’s T/Gel. I apply it directly onto my shampoo brush and only use it on parts of my scalp w/ the seborrhoeic dermatitis patches & I try to keep it on my scalp and not down the length of my hair. Even so, the T/Gel shampoo leaves my hair feeling like dry hay / dead grass after bc the coal tar strips my hair. If I’m having a pretty intense flare up, I will add tea tree oil directly to my scalp in addition to the shampoo. (when I was still trying to get it under control in the early days of diagnosis, I was prescribed 2% ketaconazole shampoo)

For conditioning and detangling in the shower, I use SheaMoisture’s Manuka Honey and Mafura Oil Intensive Hydration Conditioner with a wide tooth comb. I actually start first w/ conditioner (so it has more time to sit in my hair) then once I’ve detangled, I will shampoo my scalp. This also prevents me from combing shampoo through my hair. 

After I’m out of the shower, I dry my hair with a cotton t-shirt & use my wide tooth comb again to detangle w/ one of the products I listed above. Then I scrunch my hair to encourage curls and dry my hair a bit more. It *never* occurred to me to put product in my hair when my hair is wet straight out of the shower. I think I saw it in a Youtube video and I suddenly became aware tt I would dry my hair first until it was damp then put in product then dry again while scrunching. It totally makes sense now to do it w/ wet hair since the goal is to retain as much moisture as possible. I know everyone always says detangling w/ fingers is the best / most gentle but like I alr spend so much time as is w/ the comb. And I don’t want to be sitting down w/ my head upside down and hair turned over my face any longer than I alr have to. Then I go to sleep on a satin pillow case and my hair air dries throughout the night.

Looking at photos of my hair now and from 10 - 12 years ago (all the photos in rows 3 & 4), I wish I had appreciated the hair I had more. It was so different and so unique but tt was precisely what was so difficult (I heard the word “unmanageable” used to describe it a lot) about it and why I was ashamed of it growing up, I didn’t hate my hair but I felt ashamed and I felt like it didn’t suit me bc it was so big and so curly and I never knew what to do with it. Ppl always asked if it was real & no one would believe me when I said yes. White ppl here thought it was dreadlocks blergh….they actually still do even w/ the hair texture I have now. I rmbr having really terrible ID photos / school photos etc esp. when still living in Asia bc the photographers always wanted to get my hair out of my eyes or magically make it straight by running a fine tooth comb through my alr dry hair. Even put up in a pony tail, it would just be a giant bush (3C). I went to Catholic school w/ a dress code where your hair had to be up if it was long and I carried tt w/ me even after moving here so I only let my hair down in public when I was 18 / 19. Looking East Asian plus being a Muslim while having this kind of hair was so challenging. Bc everyone on my Chinese side didn’t understand why I didn’t have straight hair and my nenek was always asking my mum when we would be ~good Muslims~ and wear a tudung. I get my curly hair from my mum and sometimes I wish she would wear her hair naturally curly so we could look similar in at least one way but I understand how she’s internalised certain standards of beauty so she chooses to style her hair to meet them. She grew up w/ ppl being particularly cruel to her abt her hair & calling her ugly bc of it too. In addition to tt she had to deal w/ colourism.

My hair drastically changed when I was around 16 I think. I rmbr getting my hair cut to my shoulders thinking tt my curls would come back if I just took some weight off tt came w/ long hair…. but it just started me down a downward spiral (lol puns) to where I am now w/ my loose curls / waves. I started having an eating disorder at 11 all the way until I was 22 and now I’m struggling w/ it / just living w/ the remnants of it. I know tt having proper nutrition will help w/ my hair but also my body’s endured so much damage for over a decade, esp. when I should have been growing during my adolescence, tt it’s just gonna be a really long and slow journey ahead. 

I’ve watched some hair transition videos of ppl reviving damaged hair and regaining their curls. This one by CurlyPenny comes to mind. I can’t believe it took her 5 years but her hair is fabulous and #goals now. I don’t know if I can get my original curl pattern back. Maybe this is just how my hair is post-puberty ? My hair is thin and not very dense (like if you look at my scalp, I don’t have a lot of hair strands growing out of one place per square inch) so it gets weighed down very easily by product. I know ideally I would use mists or foams instead of creams or gels. But I’ve found tt mists / foams don’t always provide my hair w/ the moisture it needs. And it’ll dry w/ a crunchy texture. Some ppl say oils aren’t the best bc they can build up if not properly washed out and I know I’m literally coating my hair w/ oils right now when I style it. 

I’ve been watching Naturally Curly’s videos and I especially love seeing Grace’s Watch & Go’s bc I think she has similar-ish hair to mine in terms of her hair being on the border of wavy / curly. Having a haircut could also help w/ the shape of my hair and curls but my haircuts never seem to go as planned. I have a lot anxiety abt haircuts bc growing up my mum would come in and speak for me and I never knew what to say abt what I wanted / how to have a conversation with the hair stylist while in the chair. (I think there’s a thing where women have deep conversations & develop friendly relationships w/ their hair stylists). Right now, I think I want to focus on 2 things 

Finding a clarifying conditioner tt is low or no lather bc I think properly removing product build-up once a month could really help w/ my hair feeling weighed down

Going back to deep conditioning my hair either by finding a hair mask / deep conditioning treatment or letting my regular conditioner I use now in the shower sit in my hair 30 min before I even take a shower

And maybe……a 3rd thing…. actually wrap my hair up when I sleep or put a cap on it to prevent breakage bc it’s so thin and to help w/ volume. Besides my curl pattern changing, the one other thing tt bothers me the most is how I’ve lost curls and volume at my roots. Idk if it grows out straight or what now but I’m not keen on how the roots are flat

I never really envisioned my #curlyhairpost to come out like this but I’m kinda relieved tt I’ve gotten it out of the way. Bc the longer it just sat in my brain, the longer and more complicated it grew. If you are naturally curly too, please share your journey ! I really love seeing the natural hair movement grow etc but ….. every time someone comes up to me to ask what I did to my hair to get my curls or they don’t believe my hair is naturally curly, I think about the stereotype of Asians only having straight, thick, black hair.

#personal #blurred out my face bc I was a grumpy teenager who didn't have great teeth & never learnt how to smile for photos

[gyeommine]

MONSTA X as Best Friends

this is one of my lil’ au’s that i whipped up whilst i was away with no internet. i need to write more mx stuff(: i tried anyway - i hope y’all like it.

(gif credits to the original owners)

Shownu:

(boiii look at u w that bandana !)

biggest dad friend you'll ever have in your life

makes sure you're fed

gives you lifts whenever you need one

also makes sure you never have to walk on your own.-will fight a mean s/o who he may have had a bitter disliking to anyway bc it's you

basically is super protective of u

he is always v sleepy tho, esp if you're just chilling at your place.but you forgive him bc he's an overworked dad of 6

he is super down to earth and most chill human being in your lifehe is also super dependable, and is always there when you need him

he also gives the best hugs – they're rare but bOI are they worth it

is always awkward about you seeing him at shows or watching shows he's on bc he doesn't feel like he's a big idol, he's just your best friend

but you force him to tell you when he's doing anything so you can shout the loudest

most easily mistaken for your boyfriend

is a lil' bit dense at times, and is least likely to laugh @ your jokes

doesn't get sarcasm either

he's also clumsy

but apologetic, extremely apologetic

he can be a lil' blunt and straight forward at times but he's never as bad as the 'shownubot' he is v sensitive to your emotions, and is super caring

you also see the cute side of shownu

him beaming at small animals, when he talks about his fave food or his parents

again, far from the showminator everyone sees on variety shows

buuuuuuut he's v difficult to read, thanks to that beautiful but often blank face he has 

you also get really flustered when he juST strips??? boicouldunotwearepalswthpls 

you look at him awkwardly but he'll either not get it or be like “what? We are friends?”

and you remember your best friend is the most endearingly dad-like human in the world and nobody can change that

Wonho:

(a d o r a b l e)

I am convinced he will just giggle 24/7

ray of sunshine hoseok will just make you so energised and happy when he's in the same room as you

which makes you fiercely protective of him

you get to see his cute, bubbly side all of the time and it's literally a goddamn blessing

you guys just eat together

you'll deliberately plan on going to different restaurants or food places just so you can sample everything

but his eyes will always light up when you say “Ramen?”

like dad!sonhyunwoo, he is fairly shy about the stuff he does and is v bashful when you compliment his idol stuff

he'll shrug it off like its nothing and you'll be like “??? ur one of the most talented people ever you can literally fite me”

wonho and you could literally make anything fun, so hanging out w each other is never ever dull like, you'll create random dumb shit to do that only kids would think of and it would be great

but he's a really sensitive and sweet friend

he just gets you, and will immediately be on the same page as you w whatever you are feeling

he is so supportive and cares about you to the moon and back

it's bloody adorable literally treasure this man 

like he will literally stay up to ridiculous hours in the morning to listen to you rant or console you 

(my heart is melting whilst writing this send help)

but as we found out in the monsta x ray finale, boy needs that support since he spends all of his energy worrying about his pals and like how he gets you, you completely understand him it's weird, neither of you understand how you're in so in tune w one another 

but it's great honestly a++ friendship

Minhyuk:

(y’all don’t even understand how much of a look the red hair was wOW)

most of the time he just ??? you can't explain him ???

he is one of the loudest, and goofiest people you know

when you guys go out together, ppl are stunned bc he's super handsome

but you know that he's not this super cool, standoffish model-type – he's an idiot

he sends you pictures of cute animals all the time

or he tags you in them on every social media possible

and you guys watch a lot of disney

w a perfect aladdin duet where minhyuk is jasmin (ofc)

lil' dumb things like that brighten your day

he just has a knack for cheering you up

and he just radiates kindness – he's just a sweetheart

but when you guys are together, the sheer amount of noise you guys make is incredible

you guys are literally tied at the hip

you do everything together, a lot of spontaneous stuff too

lots of random sleepovers where you stay up way too late

you hang out so much, that the rest of the mx are just used to having you around

like an 8th member tbh

it gets to a point where you guys miss each other like crazy when his schedule is packed

and the guys tease that you might as well go out

but it's fine, you've both talked and thought about it (midnight chats is all I can say)

but you both know that you're more like siblings

and that's chill

like wonho, he just gets you

he knows when your sad, and exactly what to do

he'll have some takeout on speed dial and a shoulder to cry on

he's actually one of the most attentive people

and sometimes it makes you sad when people just assume he's a shallow idol

but you're just happy to have him in your life.

Kihyun:

(his lil’ smile i swEAr)

he's so sassy w you

he's literally like a middle aged mum

yes, so he's often ruthless but he gives the best advice

someone treating you like shit? cut them out

it makes him incredibly reliable

he's always got your back and is ready to stand up for you 

you guys wingman for each other too 

you pretend to be in a relationship to fend off unwanted ppl in clubs 

people think he's adorable but you know he's cut throat – and you love it

 yet, there are instances where you catch him cooing at a baby or a dog

despite appearances, he would literally drop everything for you 

he's loyal 

if something has happened to you, he's right there if you're crying and listening intently

he genuinely wants to give you the best advice possible 

he does love you, he just has v sarcastic ways of showing it

“i mean, if you were the last person on earth sure” 

and you roll your eyes and just continue 

probably will ask you weird questions at 3am 

doesn't get that you not responding means stop so he keeps going

he has a ripe selection of mugshots of you and will utilize them 

he's probably protective in a lowkey way, like he tries not to show it

he'll walk you home w the excuse “nothing else to do”

“for a sec, I almost thought u were showing affection!” and he'll scoff 

you nod in mock acknowledgement but ofc you think it's really sweet beneath the unending sass you will tease him with predebut mx and it's rich 

you always tell him you bias shownu just to irritate him

“he's not even that cute” he'll mutter bitterly

doesn't mean you won't have a funny picture of kihyun as your lock screen for months

Hyungwon:

(look at this dumb dork w his dumb ass smiley cute face what a dumb human)

one of your memeist friends

sends u dumb shit even if he's sat right next to you

also your laziest friend

if you guys arrange a time to meet, you always mentally add an extra 15 minutes

bc he's always late

he's also extremely sarcastic

even if it's just through an eye roll, he's a piece of shit

he's also a lil' awkward

you first met him through the rest of the guys, and he barely spoke

you just spotted a literal model on his phone in the corner

but as you were round there more, he let himself go

and came to know the lanky piece of shit u now tolerate

very much a love-hate friendship

from afar, it looks like you guys have no boundaries and you will say anything 

but both of you just toss it aside w “character building” and you laugh sometimes he's sweet and it surprises you (like w the kids ep in monsta x-ray omg) 

like he'll buy some food for a homeless man, or pull a funny face at a kid on the bus 

and you tease him about it again, just character building;)

he's silently supportive

he's not great at the words and talking bit, but he's happy to just sit and listen

or he will instantly know what to do, and just order some food before you say anything

so you know ppl are wrong when they say he's just a lazy and standoffish idol

but he's extremely good looking and you had to learn to avoid stares when you guys go out together

he probably has a gift he bought you abroad from 2 years ago

says he'll give it to you, but still forgets

you really hope it's not candy that went off months ago

as much as you love your best friend, you don't want mouldy sweets

Jooheon:

(cutest cutie that ever cutied)

funniest

whether he's making you laugh or you're laughing at him - he's funny

you guys were definitely childhood friends

and everyone loves him

your close family always talks about him, asks about him

he's like a brother you never had (as cheesy as that is)

most friends drift apart, especially w his idol career

but - you guys are the definition of inseparable

you met bc someone was picking on you at nursery and baby jooheon intervened

and since then, you guys have never been a part

he is v protective

even little things like accompanying you home when it's late

any partner he has to meet just to make sure they're good enough for you

you sometimes have to tell him you're okay on your own

and he'll apologise, that he's just looking out for you

he doesn't mind you ringing him at early hours when something's on your mind

and the same with you

when you guys hang out, it's simple

going out for a drive and just watching the sun go down

you'll blast your favourite music and enjoy each other's company

cheesycheesycheesy

it's like something out of a movie

he'll sometimes even treat you – like take you out to dinner or something

to say thanks for being such a good friend all this time

you tell him he's cheesy, that it's not necessary

but he just blushes a little and says it's no big deal

he's the boy you'll mum will nudge and say “oh isn't he lovely”

you'll roll your eyes and say“he's just my best friend”

but you've thought about it, trust me he's definitely thought about it

who knows, all I can say is that it could happen

I.M

( i fell in love w changkyun while writing this i am such a sap )

you guys are like the chillest pair of best friends known

that's probably bc lil' changkyun is definitely more the introvert

he would much rather retreat to his studio to unwind than go out

which you're all for

you guys sit for hours in his mini studio

you listen to his stuff, and you just beam as he talks about his passion

it just fills you w joy when your best friend is so talented and you get to hear it

you do have to bring him out of his shell a little

bc this dorky, funny side comes out that has you cackling

you guys get food together mainly

and he loves it when you cook

you also feel it your duty to take care of this smol

feed him, look after him bc he's still your lil' maknae although nobody thinks he is

but it's not patronising, he's completely chill w it

the guys joke that  he had/has a major crush on you

sometimes you question it, but he's like a younger brother to you

so you just throw something at minhyuk and jooheon to end the teasing

although changkyun always gets a tad shy when they mention it ??

there's never any arguments bc you guys are so alike

you have the same music taste, like the same foods, have the same opinions, watch the same tv shows and movies

it's really weird, but neither of you are complaining

makes life 10x easier !

he always feels super bad that he can't see you more

(which is v fucking cute fite me)

so he tries to plan these elaborate well thought out days for when he gets back

but he gets really bumbly and shy about it

bc it feels like a date but it isn't but he kinda hopes it is

so you guys always opt for a night long catch up w pizza

and you don't mind bc you're happy to see your fave human

i can assure you, so is he;)

hoped you guys enjooooyed! idk, this kind of helped me suss out their characters in my head a bit more - which is nice !! ty for reading <3

#mx #monsta x #monsta x imagines #mx imagines #mx reactions #monsta x reactions #mx fluff #monsta x fluff #shownu #hyunwoo #son hyunwoo #wonho #hoseok #lee hoseok #not shin lol #minhyuk #lee minhyuk #kihyun #yoo kihyun #hyungwon #chae hyungwon #jooheon #lee jooheon #i.m #changkyun #im changkyun #kpop #kpop reactions #kpop imagines #kpop fluff

[chiqkihyun]

I was having a rough analysis about the main ships involving Yoo Kihyun, and I want to share it with you because I feel that you're a nice person who wouldn't ignore me. This have a little bit of deep observations, a little bit more delusional thoughts and the influence of sleep deprivation. 1° Showki, Shownu really appreciates Kihyun, the fact that Kihyun is always looking up for the members, even though he likes to be evil, Shownu respect him a lot, and is reciprocated, Kihyun admires 1/?

Kihyun admires Shownu in the same way as the members do, his frankness and masculinity is like a role model to them. About Kiho and Changki, I feel like both have a crush on Kihyun, but in different ways. 2° In Kiho, Wonho treats Kihyun like his beloved friend with honey voice, that comprends him so well, is like a crush which is not accepted yet as a crush (when you are in love with a bff but you don’t notice it at the moment because you don’t have the need to 2/?

connection that have been built for years and isn’t necessary to be flashy about this, they are so comfortable that they remind me an old couple

but… while I write, I notice that is probably associated with the fact that Kihyun definitely loves to play hard to get, so, when Changkyunie receives more attention he feels more special, (well, he is the adorable and 4D maknae after all), this makes sense, but the way he glances at Kihyun like is the most beautiful creature in the world, and is not only onstage (we know that are a lot of fanservice) even offstage he makes those lovely eyes to his hyung, I don’t have idea if is in 4/?

I don’t have idea if is in a romantic way because Changkyun is sooo hard to read, but is interesting.  Well, I have to clarify that I am not a shipper .-. this is only an ask from a monbebe. I think that all this analysis comes from the idea that the base for a relationship is the fact that you admire A LOT another person, if you want that person becomes your lover or your friend you admire him/her first.  Thank you for your patience and sorry for the grammar mistakes, have a nice day/night :) 7

Hey anon! I didn’t get ur 5th ask and ur 6th ask is same as the 7th so i posted the 7th one

Okay let’s start with his relationship with shownu yes i agree, he definitely look up to shownu and actually proud of shownu on how far he has come in terms of building up his ability to lead the group( because you know shownu had a hard esp in the debut era) and everyone else is proud of shownu. 

well for kiho yes it’s not hard to see that they are very comfortable around each other and wonho just have a thing for kihyun in general, you really don’t need to see them do excessive fan service to see their relationship and ( lol about the crush who know he def do have a crush on kh well he did ask him to be his bride so there’s that) 

CHANGKI is what i love to talk about, just like you said I’m one of those who see them as ‘mum and son’ because he really protect and takes care of changkyun as if he is his own son or younger brother. their dynamics is really what makes them special because changkyun always admire kihyun like he’s the king, and yoo kihyun only let changkyun be the most savage to him without giving him death stares back and the fact that in no mercy while nobody give 0 fk about him kihyun approach him and told him to go sit with the rest, you have changkyun saying when he’s with kihyun he feel ‘warmth’ and also feeding him everything he had in nimdle eps and giving him a chance to answer even tho minhyuk was giving him the answer. and those time when he cried in kihyun’s arm yeah like i know changkyun loves kihyun and admire him from the back.

#anonymous #well this became too long #im overflowed with changki #who am i #replies #i love asks like this go off with ur feelings i love reading them anon

[diffuserlover]

hello im here to ask for a ship for enha!!! <3

im a 06’ liner ,5’2 ,ENFP, a capricorn and chinese and age doesn’t really matter to me at all, im very extroverted and my friends refer to me as the mom of the friend group, when we r out to eat i’d do the ordering, if anyone of them needs anything i’ll have it, sewing kit,nail kit,allergy cream(i have zero allergies btw) anything i have it! and i tend to put others before myself, always making sure that they’re okay and forgetting about myself most of the time,but at the same time im also the intimidating one, all my friends today were all super scared to approach me before,and i think thats cos if i don’t like someone for a good reason obvi, im not the nicest? i can be pretty mean but i watch what i say no matter how much i don’t like the person bc idk what he or she is gg through .im also a super girly girl, i love being spoiled and pampered.i would also say that im a very creative person? ive been super into fashion since young and always tend to be late because im busy picking an outfit and i love making things!!! decorating toploader, making jewellery,phonecases everything i love it!!!music!!!! im in the school’s choir as an choir leader and im part of the alto section :D my parents used to always say that i came out of my mum singing since i genuinely love it so much!!!but im actually a really insecure person, as i started maturing earlier than normal ( had my first period when i was 9 ) i have acne and scars and a lot of strech marks, i also am super insecure about my weight, so i tend to not eat at all like i forget to eat or like not eat so i’ll lose weight faster so what i find in someone is really how i hope that they can make me feel safe and happy about myself, and take care of me too and just be there for me overall and im super clingy, my love language is definitely touch, i love hugs,cuddles and esp kisses! i’d also really wna be reassured most of the time since im pretty insecure

Hii! Thank you so much for requesting!! I hope you like your ships!!

I ship you with…

Jay

I feel like Jay would always try to take care of you, he knows you put other people first so he wants to put you first🥺

he would always make sure you eat🙂

If he knows you haven’t eaten he will sit you down and make you dinner😄

He will always tell you how beautiful you are and how much he loves you☺️

I feel like he loves to just hold you in his arms no matter what he is doing🥰

Like while he’s playing video games you sitting in between his legs😁

He loves to hear your singing😚

When he has had a bad or long day he would ask you to play with his hair and sing him to sleep😭🥺

Jay spoils you so much, he likes to take you shopping and he picks out clothes for you to try on😇

He likes when you pick out his outfits for him for work☺️

He finds it cute how prepared you are for anything🤗

One time during practice his pants ripped and you sewed his pants for him🤣

You guys share headphones when your on the bus😊

Overall he loves you and you guys have the cutest relationship ever🥰

#kpop ships #enhypen jay #enhypen #en- #Jay #jongseob

[attina-the-responsible]

1, 4, 8, 14, 21, 24, 28, 42, 45, 50 - All, or whoever speaks to you for each one

jesus fucking christ.

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

Belle: Belle Marie Beauton – belle bc it means “beauty” and also, tech, her mom’s name was charisse which means “grace” and she was like into a #theme. marie bc it sounded nice, is also probably maurice’s mom.

Simba: Onyango Simba Lyons – onyango bc it means “born in the morning” and simba because it means “lion/warrior”. 

Toulouse: Toulouse Henri Bonfamille – why did ber get hector’s name as his middle name and not lou? /waves hand lou was named after the artiste of course! tres bien. 

Bambi: Bambino Daryl Basurto – bambino is basically like “my little one”, it’s an affectionate italian term tho it’s also used in other parts of europe. daryl means “deer” sooo his full name lowkey translates to “little deer of the forest”

Perdita: Perdita Mariel Faye – all of perdy and her sibs are named after shakespeare characters bc her mom is #obsessed. edmund, perdita, rosaline, and ophelia. perdy was named after her mother’s first role on broadway. mariel is jewish – it is a variant of mary, which means “wished-for child/bitter” soo

Sweet: Joshua Strongbear Sweet – named joshua because his parents liked it. his middle name used to be quietcub, but after he came back from his spirit quest it became strongbear after the animal that guided him. (also look i looked up if spirit quests were still a thing in the tribe sweet comes from and they ARE so don’t @ me pls)

Maui: Maru Akalana – he doesn’t have a middle name. maru means “correct” apparently, but in the original myths of maui maru is one of the names of maui’s brothers. (or it is his name when he is human before he gets abandoned i foRGet it’s been a hot minute)

Hercules: Hercules Odysseus Persaud – herc doesn’t know where his first name came from, only that his birth mother gave it to him. he was named after two greek heroes, ofc cuz his mom is a big nerd.

Attina: Attina Morgan Triton – attina is a derivative of athena and morgan means “sea chief” or “sea defender” and since she would be in line for the “crown” so to speak, it made sense.

Akela: Akela of the Seeonee Wolf Pack – seeonee is the name taken from the area where the pack sort of officially “formed” and akela means LONELY LMFAO i just looked it up that’s hilarious.

Peach: Peach Blossom Clearwater – literally constructed her name. she just liked the idea of peach blossom–and she made her fake mom have a flower name too. and clearwater she straight up stole from harry potter.

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

Belle: well, belle never really knew her mother and her relationship with her father is estranged.

Simba: big ole momma’s boy. he loves his mom, though their relationship is a little tense these days. loved his dad a lot, his Biggest Hero, but his dad also put a lot of pressure on him and basically brainwashed him oops.

Toulouse: loves his mummy, tho he has a deep seated resentment towards her that is just now coming to light, but general he is like #mustprotect. had an extremely contentious relationship with his father as a child, the best thing for their relationship was not living together lol. lou can tolerate his father for short periods of time and even gets along w him 90% of the time, but he has a deep seated resentment towards him too lmao

Bambi: ughhhhhhhh he loved his mommmmm his mom was his best friend they did everything together. they were never apart. esp bc he was homeschooled a good bit and he was sick. she doted on him and i cry. he is still getting to know his dad but he loves him.

Perdita: really contentious relationship w mom. she was verbally abusive and neglectful, held perdy to a hire standard than her sisters. when perdy rebels abigail just like cuts her off, punishes her in the worst ways. made comments about her weight/clothing/etc. total daddy’s girl tho, she loves her daddy.

Sweet: momma’s boy. he tends to shut her out a lot tho bc he knows things in his life would hurt her and he wants to protect her from that. didn’t really know his father but he treasures the memories he did have.

Maui: dad was verbally/physically abusive. real Macho Man–which obviously made him kind of a dick. but maui’s mom is the sweetest ugh i love kai.

Hercules: loved both his parents BUNCHES AND BUNCHES but then he found out that they lied to him for 22 years and he is still reeling from the betrayal.

Attina: athena was her best friend. she told her mom everything and wanted to be just like her when she grew up! was obviously devastated when athena died. loves her daddy, but does think he needs to chill out some.

Akela: hates them.

Peach: never knew them and never will (spoiler alert: they’re dead.)

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals?

Belle: Philippe! fun fact: had another horse named Royale when she was a child, but her father sold him for cash before he left. now she has: vincent the cat, philippe, and shuck! she isn’t a huge animal fan, but she likes them well enough. doesn’t go out of her way.

Simba: his mum had a persian named guinevere growing up. she was a bitch. simba and her did not get along. esp cuz simba was a handsy child lol. he begged and begged for a dog for his entire childhood, but never had one. has two beautiful goldens now–bowie and simone– and they are his literal children. loves all animals–except cats, snakes, and spiders, those are the devil’s creatures.

Toulouse: never had a pet growing up. marie has dauphine now and he’s kinda helping coparent simone. tbh should get a dog. lou ADORES animals.

Bambi: lol

Sweet: never had pets, doesn’t have time, likes them well enough

Perdita: didn’t have any pets growing up. doesn’t really like animals they’re dirty. viola has made her change her mind somewhat.

Maui: no, no, yes.

Hercules: his mom has a cat named baset after the goddess. herc loves animals, horses esp 

Akela: lol

Attina: likes animals in the abstract sense? loves sea creatures. never had a pet as a kid. has a long list of stipulations for pet as an adult.

Peach: has never had a pet. will buy a cat probably. the cat will run away bc she’s irresponsible. she will be devastated. she loves animals, except ugly ones.

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

Belle: all the food she ate in bournemouth was?? so good??

Simba: ugaliiiii, it always makes him think of kenya

Toulouse: frozen grapes are his fave, he is a picky eater lowkey

Bambi: food is the bane of his existence cuz he’s allergic to EVERYTHING

Sweet: not particularly

Perdita: misses the russian tea room in NYC it was her fave brunch spot

Maui: misses the fresh fruit in hawai’i

Hercules: one of his fave thigns to do at the places he lives is eat at the local restaurants. 

Akela: eh not really

Attina: also not particularly

Peach: eh

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

Belle: yes but it is VERY hard to trigger it. and she like??? throws things or hits u if she is really mad. she’s not gonna like punch you in the face but she’ll shove or pinch. if she yells it’s all like teary and voice cracking and pathetic. 

Simba: yes–and it’s easily triggered haha. when he’s angry he gets loud. can throw something down if he is holding it (like a dish in the sink or something) but he isn’t really physical w his anger–he’s v conscious of that fact that he is like a big bloke and that could be rly scary and his anger is scary enough. but if u really piss him off his anger can be p cold.

Toulouse: cold and scathing. lou is a master of converting his anger into like the smallest space possible, which is why he’s so good at just delivering cold, cutting lines designed to just destroy you. his father had like Big Loud anger and lou refuses to be like that. 

Bambi: doesn’t really have a temper, like–at all

Perdita: screaming/yelling/throwing/hitting–throws a tantrum when she is really pissed off.

Sweet: he has a temper but it is rarely seen. he will get Loud and Angry though. but it never lasts long. he gets more annoyed than angry.

Maui: literally like?? never gets angry–too chill.

Hercules: cries. lmao. if he is angry he just cries and like “why would u do that” sniff sniff puppy eyes

Akela: cold and level-headed anger

Peach: rarely gets angry–and if she does she’ll smile to your face and then fuck you up behind your back.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

(i love sleeping questions why?)

Belle: rn it’s shit, she barely catches a few hours. when she was sleeping reguarly she gets a good 6-7 hours. doesn’t have trouble falling asleep unless she’s trying to solve a problem. has a lumpy old mattress tbh. also she does snore a lil bit but like cute snores and only when she’s sleeping really deeply. also she normally wears like ratty tees and silky or sofie pajama shorts – in the winter like sweaters and fleece pants bc she gets cold, tho not as much of a problem now lol

Simba: sleeps in the nude. can fall asleep in .5 seconds. wakes up intermittently from nightmares–usually exacerbated by stress. wakes up at sunrise naturally almost every morning. gets like 4-5 hours usually and cat naps. idk his mattress is prolly middle ground wow do u think simber argued about their mattress bc i bet ber is a wimpy soft-mattress boi

Toulouse: has a really hard time getting to sleep and staying asleep. a ridiculously light sleeper. wakes up several times in the night. has night terrors. sleeps in, but not that long most mornings. sometimes goes days without sleep if he’s having a manic episode. soft plush mattress w lots of pillows and blankets. wears silky fancy pajamas to bed bc he’s fancy (it’s my hc that he has like adorable pjs that he wears on the lowkey with like fish patterns or something ridiculous little duckies.)

Bambi: can sleep anywhere, would sleep 20+ hours a day if allowed. growing teenage boy. snores (allergies man), will sleep on any mattress. is used to an uncomf one bc his mom couldn’t rly afford a good one.

Perdita: before the babies perdy didn’t have trouble sleeping. would totally sleep in on the weekends and such. her mom would yell at her if she slept too long. now she takes naps throughout the day to survive. hard mattress, tbh. wears fancy pjs

Sweet: sleeps in boxers/t-shirt most of the time. sleeps wherever, whenever, what is a good night’s sleep? he doesn’t know.

Maui: will sleep anywhere. in any position. in any level of undress. sleeps in briefs usually. 

Akela: sleeps in the nude tbh he like barely wears clothes anyway. can sleep a decent amount of time but never for more than like 7 hours.

Peach: a princess. she actually has a lot of trouble getting to sleep but sleeps hard once she is. wears cute pjs. likes a soft mattress. lots of pillows, only one sheet thou.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Belle: being inadequate/being overbearing/annoying/stupid/worthless – she doesn’t get genuinely frightened that much tbh but she’s like a gasp-clutch-at-the-chest overdramatic kind of scared lol she fights through it tho

Simba: not being Good enough, in the sense of like…a good person. he also lowkey doesn’t like the dark. and he gets angry when he’s scared he confronts fear face on.

Toulouse: being pointless/irrelevant–also does not like the dark lowkey prolly sleeps w a night light lmao – he internalizes his fear, but will freeze up when confronted w something scary.

#this is old af and has been #sitting in my drafts #for so long #but u can have it #im not finishing bc it's oLD #but #voila