#and come back and then the cycle repeats

[fleouriarts]

feeling bad about my art lately. will probably not post for a while. but i wanted to at least dump some stuff here before i retreat into my hidey hole

#hivemind tv #riley savage #graydon weaver #hmfcu #quadeca #jane remover #eden burke #my art #2023 #fanart #doodles #its like. augh. longtime fleouriarts followers are familiar with my eternal tango with posting art online #doing this since i was 11 has like rotted my brain and made me rely wayyyy too much on external validation to motivate myself #and every year or so it gets bad enough that i take a break. but the break usually only lasts a month before i miss the feeling #and come back and then the cycle repeats #its probably worse now bc this is a fandom where getting seen by the creators is not really that hard #so there have been times where im like 'well idk if i wanna draw this. but if i do maybe hivemind will rt it :-)' #NO!!! THATS NOT WHAT ART IS ABOUT!!!!! i cant keep letting myself get addicted to the numbers going up man i gotta get out of here #and i was reading a quad interview from around when idmthy got released. cus hes also brain poisoned like this. but he managed to get out #and now just kinda comes online to release music and then leave #i need to be like that. i need to take a break from art posting thats so long that i come back as a changed man odysseus style #idk. its been so long since i drew stuff that no one gets to see but me. all the art i keep to myself is just out of embarrassment #i need to relearn how to draw stuff just for the love of creation and not “maybe people online will like this one” #or “this new thing came out i need to prove my love of it by drawing it” #sometimes it leads to good art but more often than not it just makes me feel worse #whatever. if any of yall are in the hivemind jane or quadeca discord i MIGHT still post stuff there. but otherwise ill keep to myself and m #friends for a while i think #woooooo this is queued to post while im in orgo lab everyone wish me luck with my thin layer chromatography

[simcardiac-arrested]

ns has the burnt part of his wings plucked or cut off every time he falls. ends up with less and less wing.

you people come up with such evil ideas i think

#but you know what i like it. everytime his memory gets wiped they also clip his wings so he doesn’t really start Questioning stuff again #i.e. why his wings are burnt exactly #and then it grows back and the cycle repeats over and over #ouehghh ……. sep with such small wings … #i’ve been thinking about how Things might happen in this au ….. hmmmmh #scratches me head #AHHHHH I CUT MY FINGER ACCIDENTALLY FUCKKK #anwyays. okay well yeahi just think that for some time sep is stuck in this cycle #and i think wayback keeps trying to convince him heaven bad but then sep doesnt remember and wayback is like dude what the fuuuck is wrong #with you ^_^ you shoudl leave heaven and go live on earth with me . and sep is like ……………………….. maybe #i imagine they do exactly that for a while idk how many years but sep is like yayy earth ^_^ and then heaven is like heyyy sep when are you #going to come back to heaven. and uhm #… #walks away #cramswering #myart #oc: needless separation

[riddled-fingers]

you know what time it is (time for me to be really not normal abt roommate au)

#my art #off mortis ghost #roommates propaganda #the cycle of my life is #go to work. come back home. get super high. think abt OFF #and then repeat #the batter #off zacharie

[poisonouspastels]

The cycle of life, death, rebirth, and history repeating itself is an extremely common theme in the MC AU. Thus, ouroboros. (Enderboros?)

#minecraft #mineblr #ender dragon #minecraft art #ouroboros #minecraft au mastertag #jean? #Ender is the final frontier of the universe in the way. The everything before the nothing #the dragon is not good nor evil. it is not corrupt nor pure. it is the balance of the world #some say when the cycle repeats you'll be able to speak to the universe itself #no one has ever come back from it the same

[kusukeslab]

every few months i slip back into my everlasting kuusuke hyperfixation, and he's constantly on my mind, this psychological phenomena should be in the DSM-5.

#its like an addiction i can't climb out of #my friends are so tired of me smh #its been so long and i always come back to him 😔 #he's like a bad ex you just can't get away from #every time i rewatch saiki k it's a gamble #this cycle has been repeating for years. #kusuke saiki #saiki kuusuke #kuusuke saiki #saiki kusuke

[nami-moittli]

“Go away Dad,” Grim seemed to say. “Why do I only see you when I don’t want to?”

#twst #twisted wonderland #i feel like now is a good time to bring up my Crowley Deadbeat Dad headcanon #Crowley is a deadbeat who leaves to go get the milk. yes #however he would be the type to come back in like a month or so #and he has a jug of expired milk with him instead of just a regular one #and he’s like #oh I’m sorry children of mine who I remember exist #I accidentally got expired milk instead of the normal kind haha #I’m pretty sure that cheese is made from expired milk #maybe you could try and make some of that? #anyway I’ll go get some non-expired milk now #since I’m so gracious #and then the cycle repeats #twst grim #twst crowley

[moylis3]

from eating dirt in the attic to living with mr Minecraft ^^

#do you guys think she gets shorter after living with Phil?? #Wilbur comes back and she hits growth spurt and the cycle repeats #qsmp #qsmp fanart #tallulah

[starlooove]

I rlly liked red hood the hill bc besides the gift it completely ignored everything else with the batfam which to meeee I’m taking it as the hill has been overlooked by the bats forever (see Orpheus rising) so yeah nobody there gives a fuck about those people and jason knows better than to bring that shit over there

#genuinely tho #I dislike the trend rn of simplifying Jason and Bruce’s issues and making it seem like Bruce was nice and accepting all along and Jason just #needs to get with the program #like the fanficication of that and the Damian Bruce issues or Damian tim issues or even Dick and bruce issues #where everything comes down to the kids being insecure and Bruce being bad at communicating #which has always been PART of the main issues but using that as the crux and lens through which a solution will be acheived is a stretch #a stretch only made in fix it fics that is picked up by ppl who dont read shit and then writers who dont read dont care and get a check #THIS IS MY ISSUE WITH WHERE IT SEEMS BATFAM IS GOING THAT IS NOT AN ISSUE I HAVE WITH RE #NOT ABOUT RED HOOD THE HILL #back to red hood the hill #i DO like them #playing off how jason has always been able to relax there #with a community that has eachothers back #and the flip from #his early red hood days to seeing dana go that path is soooo #what i find interesting tho as that he positions himself as support and backup more than a deterrant #like yes he does try to talk her down a lot but most of the time hes living his life with a worried eye on her #and i think it shows to how he reacted to ppl (bruce) being heavy handed with him #and u know i love the batfam repeating awful cycles shit i think its very interesting that this is one jason didnt repeat #maybe bc hes so close to the feeling or that dana isnt to him what he was to bruce or even that hes just relaxing and thinking clearly and #above all trusts her #most toxic fun future would be for her to break that trust and him to go crazy but thats a diff rant #anyways my entire summary for jasons character is that THAT is what good coochie does to a nigga #carmen thank you for your service another crazy off the street 🙏🏾 #red hood and the hill #oh. still no Orpheus mention #no it doesn’t hurt less anytime 💔 #Jason Todd

[peridyke]

Body dysmorphia post is so real. I can’t look at fashion stuff for too long because usually the fashion isn’t actually that good, the model is just thin and it messes with my head.

There should be a movement of sorts to make more yuri (and media in general honestly) with body diversity.. most people have very very different body shapes and are also not commonly thin

yeaahhh i feel you >__< my dysmorphia is soooo bad that even just like seeing thin girls can trigger it hardcore which feels like such a silly thing to say but thats how much of a presence it has in my head. its like super bad in winter months too when I tend to gain more weight and subsequently melt down like. every other day OTL

WAAAY more yuri/lesbian stuff needs to be representative of fat bodies or even just bodies that aren't cookie cutter thin its crazy!!! especially since I feel like a lot of lesbianism/general sapphic dating culture involves dismissing body/beauty standards but most lesbian media is still scared to depict something as standard as like, a fat butch lesbian

#askz #anon #i go thru a bad cycle when it comes to my weight #thats like. and endless repetition of #'i have to lose weight by any means necessary' => *starts restricting food intake* => 'wait a second i cant live like this => #*stops restricting and then gains weight back and freaks out* => 'i have to lose weight by any means necessary' #and it just repeats like that u_u its been like this since i was 19. ugh

[mydemonsyourangels]

apologies in advance. i am entering back into my 911 era. i am about to become so insufferable

#once every six months i come back to this show #and go absolutely bonkers #and then i promptly forget about it for another six months #and the cycle repeats #but i am so ready to be back #i need THIS #i need my weekly 911 episode #911 #911 abc

[i-bring-crack]

Seasons AU for Solo Leveling.

Spring! Cha Hae In

Summer! Lee Ju Hee

Fall! Woo Jin Chul

Winter! Sung Jin Woo

:3

#solo leveling #lee ju hee #lee johee #sung jin woo #woo jin chul #its just about the ideas of jin woo waking up to the sight of jin chul as the leaves fall #him being happy to spend the last days of fall with him #then being happy to reach the end of winter as the dead leaves from jin chul suddenly are made green when cha hae in comes back #cha hae in makes a lot of flowers that tend to grow withing the trees and everywhere in the fields as big welcome to Ju Hee who enjoys #the scenery of growth each time and likes to dance around with hae in until the end of spring #at the end of her season jin chul comes back to collect the little flowers that have carefully bloomed with juhees care and she too offers #a lot of fruits to hopefully reach the days where autumn and winter can share them when there no longer is a single plant to grow. #and the cycle repeats again. #thank yall for reading #cha hae in #cha hae in x lee ju hee #cha hae in x sung jin woo #sung jin woo x woo jin chul #jin chul x juhee too?? #4by 4 in the most platonic/romantic way possible bc yes #also there could be others here too like #Sun Thomas Andre #Moon Liu Zhigang #Clouds Laura #Trees Norma #its kinda like a god of something kind of fic #like they are the embodiments of these kinds of things and tend to appear as humans but also hold reign over their respective 'goodship' #like Old Father Time Go Gun Hee :D

[fishareglorious]

opened my art account on twt to post art and scrolled a little bit through my dash and saw someone I haven't seen in a long while. Then I realized that I had them blocked in the account i use normally. whoops.

#random #me #im gonna be a little mean about them in the tags but. they're a big account that gets into fights a lot that just get utterly tiring after #watching them argue with the same set of people the nth time. i do think its just the burder of a popular account with people leaning on ba #faith arguments over one thing or another and the account bites back which just fans the flames and cycle repeats #i think it boiled over into a big controversy where someone threatened (?) to dox them a year ago. doxing is shit behavior of course and #thankfully nothing of harm came to them #all in all it is mainly petty internet and fandom drama. but they've kinda left a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to a certain ship #am pretty ambivalent on #oh well this was just a ramble #its been a year since i even saw a post of theirs so they might have gotten better with that stuff

[meimeikyu]

beep

#saw a comic explaing ocd the other day and it explained it in a way i havent seen b4 and #god i think i might actually have it #this isnt in like a oh im overthinkjng what if i have rhis way i mean like #both of my parents have it and. i slways thought i didnt bcs i never felt anxious or do repetitive patterns for real stuff #until i fukcing. saw someone describe it as the cycle of thinking somethkng checking to ease anxiety anxiety comes back repeat #because i have that fucking constantly just. never with real world stuff like house damage or smth like my dad #for me i get like really vivid ideas of horrifying things being like near me snd going to attack me #anf i have to check to see it not there snd ill turn and get that feeling again and repeat and repeat and #i may have to look into this more #ocd #personal

[toaster-hair]

because i keep getting notes for that one puppychan post, i wanted to mention that i actually found their(his) new blog. not going to share it for obvious reasons but he seems to be a lot happier and his community isnt full of minors now. glad to see him improve as a person (and as an artist!)

im not really sure if they should be back on the internet so soon after he left (iirc he left the internet when he was around 19 and the blog seems to have been made when he was 20 or younger) but at least it isnt twitter

i originally wrote this unsure if they were puppychan but ive found proof of him being puppychan. im still not going to share their blog name (although its pretty easy to find) because even though hes done a lot of awful things, i do want to see him get better. but hes gotten back on the internet way too soon. like, got called out in 2022 and came back 2023.

#puppychan #i dont really know what to think tbh #on one hand its in my morals that someone can #improve and become better after doing heinous shit and we shouldnt harass someone for wanting to improve #but at the same time man. #this seems like a repeated behavior where theyll get called out #and they leave the internet for a bit and then come back under a new name #and the cycle repeats #i dont think puppychan is a groomer like some may claim #and i dont think being a gooner is inherently amoral #and i also dont want to believe that hes faking his mental illness #but hes def done many inappropriate and hurtful things #long post #drama? discourse?? #toaster-hair

[dykedvonte]

Fallout New Crashes

#this is a post of rage hurt and betrayal that is not quantifiable #Bethany Estha Oobleck are developers that love toying with my emotions like I’m a wind up Easter toy #twisting my key until it’s a struggle even for them but they don’t stop #not until they can’t turn anymore but they do not set me down when they let go #they hold me just above it so close my little plastic feet just barely scrap the floor #incessant the sound is scrapping as all the wound up energy is exerted #as I run in the water swim in the air all meaning I go no where #and just then I dropped and I teeter but I do not fall I run as far as I can with whatever is left #but there isn’t much progress there never is #an inch or so is made as my key stops and my legs do as well not tired but unable to move until wound again #and they do and the cycle repeats and by the time I run #a plastic wobble all the way there I can only ask if it was worth it #if letting them play with me like I was the game was worth seeing the screen of my pip boy again #helping Boone settle his loathing and Arcade come to terms #Cass look to the future and Veronica to make her own #Raul find new purpose and Lily to make up her mind or keep it #to save Rex and Ede to improve the Mojave #and I say yes it is #and then I am picked up and carried back for it will begin again #if you can’t tell my game keeps crashing for some reason today and I can’t figure out why with every mod and guide known to man #and it’s making me deranged cause it’s all I wanted to do toady and night #fallout #fallout new vegas

[steakout-05]

eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P

additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly

#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it #and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website #as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people- #-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were- #-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered #also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it #this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone- #-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious #i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :( #i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles #it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on- #-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help. #unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that- #-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also- #-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes- #-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything'' #and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think- #-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me'' #and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point #be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying #and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child. #be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo #if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows- #-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like #trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you #social anxiety #anxiety disorder #i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11- #-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me #anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y