#and btw he announced his album right when i admitted i was in love with him again to my family (they know my insanity LMAO) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

freelancearsonist · 4 years

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The Longest Day - Part 1

Blinding Lights (Rock Band!AU)

Chapter Four of Twenty-Nine

Rated PG for use of language

2,792 words

A/N: This section of the story is probably gonna be about three chapters long, but I promise that it’ll have a satisfactory ending. As always, feedback and comments/questions are always welcome! :)

01:27 PM

It’s been a slow day at the shop, and you’ve spent most of it on your phone. You’re working through Instagram stories when you get a text.

Colonel Hothead: I’m in New York today, if you feel like having a visitor.

You can’t help the smile that crosses your face. It’s been months since you’ve heard from him, and you feel a little guilty that you haven’t been keeping in touch.

(Y/N): You need a place to stay, don’t you?

Colonel Hothead: I can stay anywhere I want. I just thought it would be nice to catch up.

(Y/N): Aww you miss me.

Colonel Hothead: Forget I said anything.

You don’t need him to admit it. You know that he’s missed you since your last meeting, whether he actually tells you or not.

(Y/N): I’m kidding! I want to see you. I still have a spare bedroom btw

Colonel Hothead: My hotel’s already booked. I can get us dinner reservations tonight, though.

(Y/N): You politicians are nothing if not efficient

Colonel Hothead: We both know it’s not because of my career. You’re the same way.

(Y/N): Fair enough

Your brother tends to stay away from New York, and you used to think it was because he was avoiding you. You've come to understand that he’s just not good with people, though. How he ever became the Speaker of the House, you don’t quite know.

He doesn’t reply, so you make a mental note to solidify your plans in a few hours and you get back to your Instagram stories. Almost on cue, you get a notification that Rey’s going live, and you tune in immediately.

Rey’s enthusiastic “Hi everyone!” nearly jump-scares you.

“I have very exciting news!” She exclaims, smiling with the energy of a million suns. Finn pops up over her shoulder, watching with interest as the view count rises and comments start flooding in. “So last week I told you all about our new album, and we’re finally able to announce it!”

Of course, you already know almost everything there is to know about the album since you helped write the majority of it, but the excitement and energy on Finn’s and Rey’s faces makes you lean in, anticipating.

“The title is ‘Another Place In Time’, and our first single will be released this Friday!”

“It’s our best yet,” Finn adds with a wide smile. “It was heavily inspired by classic rock and like, 70′s pop, and we really think you guys are gonna love it.”

Rose’s face appears next to Finn, and she’s positively beaming. “We’re working on the cover art right now! It’s gonna be kinda vintage and grungy and awesome.”

Rey’s eyes quickly scan through the comments, and she notices--just as you have--that almost everyone is asking where Poe is.

“Poe’s in a Monday mood,” she laughs softly. “He’s actually been moping for, like, the last week or so. We’re not quite sure why.”

You turn off your phone and tuck it into your pocket so you don’t have to listen to anything more about Poe.

More than anything, you feel guilty. You didn’t mean to leave things the way you did. And you miss him. It’s not necessarily unusual to go a week or two without seeing each other, but this time it feels more permanent. You don’t want it to be, but it has to be.

“You okay, kid?” Luke’s voice is softer than you’re used to, and you quickly try to mask your emotions.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just tired. Y’know, Monday.”

Luke isn’t buying your bluff, but he decides not to press it. He can sense that you don’t want to discuss it, and you’re thankful that he’s so intuitive.

“You wanna take some pictures for the Facebook page? I’d do it myself, but-”

“No further explanation needed,” you laugh softly. You know he’s terrible with technology in all forms, and you don’t feel like using pixelated photos for store promotion.

Luke watches with interest as you arrange some flowers to your liking, chewing the inside of his cheek as his fingers absentmindedly twist together.

“What is it?” You ask without turning to look at him.

He raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I know all your tells,” you explain as you pull a dead leaf from a stem. “You have something to say.”

Luke pauses for a moment, because he really wasn’t expecting you to be so upfront. He honestly wasn’t even planning to bring it up, but you seem intent on finding out what’s on his mind.

“Han saw you at the studio yesterday.”

You pause your work to look at him. “Really? Why didn’t he say anything?”

You’ve worked with Han Solo before, and you actually really adore the older gentleman. You grew up listening to his music, so it was a bit shell-shocking to find out that he was your boss’ brother-in-law. He was there when Leia kickstarted your career, and you helped write some of the songs on his come-back album last year. You’re curious why he didn’t stop you and say hi.

Luke chuckles quietly. “He saw you leaving the writing room with messy hair and a hickey.”

Unconsciously, your hand drifts to your collarbone. You knew you shouldn’t have worn a low-cut shirt yesterday. “Shit.”

“He’s not gonna say anything to Leia,” Luke quickly reassures you. “But... honestly, I have a feeling she already knows. She always finds out about stuff like this. It’s like some kind of... superpower.”

You sigh deeply as you snap a few quick photos of your arrangement. “There’s nothing for her to find out, really.”

Luke gives you the most disbelieving look he’s ever mustered. “You’re not dating Dameron?”

You never anticipated anyone finding out, and now it feels like a serious oversight. You should’ve known that someone would discover your agreement with Poe, but you didn’t want to think about how to explain it to anyone. Now, you wish you had given it more thought because you have no clue how to tell your boss the truth.

“No. We just... we kinda... hook-up, sometimes. Or we did. But I don’t think we will anymore.”

“Why not?” Luke sounds almost scandalized, like he has some kind of personal stake in the situation.

“He wants more. And... I do too, honestly. But I can’t do that kind of publicity.”

He nods understandingly. “You’re scared people will be mean to you.”

Your first instinct is to deny his claim because it sounds like a ludicrous thing to turn someone down for, but... he’s right, in all reality. Poe has a big fanbase, and a lot of people who are “in love” with him. The scariest thing about him is the idea that one--or a million--of his fans will hate you. You’ve never been able to deal with bullying very well, which is part of the reason remaining anonymous is so important to you. Critics are your worst enemy, and if you didn’t have a layer between them and you anymore... it wouldn’t be good. You’re just not made for fame.

“Well, it’s not really my place to comment on your decisions,” he says after a long moment, clearing his throat and heading into the back office. And he’s right--it’s not. But you were secretly hoping that he would do it anyway. That he would tell you how to get what you want: Poe; while still maintaining what you need: your privacy.

But he doesn’t tell you what to do. He leaves you every bit as clueless as you were before he talked to you.

03:06 PM

Colonel Hothead: Dinner reservations for Eleven Madison Park @ 7:30

For an anti-socialite, your brother certainly knows how to go the extra mile.

(Y/N): Don’t know if I can afford something like that buddy

Colonel Hothead: Happy birthday, then. For the next three years.

You’re not even sure that you have something to wear that befits such an establishment, but you’re excited nonetheless. You’ve been living off of take-out and cold pizza for the past few weeks.

(Y/N): Haha. Thanks. Can’t wait

You’ll have just enough time to go back to your apartment and change into something nice.

The best thing about your brother’s job is that even though almost everyone in the country knows him, you’re not very likely to be interrupted. Politicians and celebrities are two very similar breeds, except when they aren’t.

04:49 PM

“Stop looking so upset, buddy.”

The little French Bulldog was just minding his own business, head resting on folded legs as he stared out the window, not paying event the slightest bit of attention to his owner. The comment peaks his interest, though.

Beebs raises his little head, slowly tilting it to the side in the most confused gesture that a dog can muster.

“I know, I look like a mess. I need to shave, huh, pal?”

Beebs yawns disinterestedly as he stands and stretches his back legs. He hops down from the window seat and quickly crosses the room to jump into Poe’s lap, where he gives a tentative lick to his owner’s hand.

Poe chuckles quietly. “You like the beard?” Beebs tilts his head again, and Poe nods understandingly. “You’re right, I need to trim it. But it doesn’t look bad, does it?”

Beebs sneezes, and Poe takes that as confirmation. His hand absentmindedly strokes the little dog’s ears as he stretches his legs out on the couch.

“What do I do, buddy? I haven’t heard a word from her since the studio. Not even a text.”

Beebs rolls onto his back to give Poe access to his belly, which his human counterpart eagerly pays generous attention to.

“I want to call her. But she said she’d call me. I don’t want to be... overbearing. I’m so scared of losing her, Beebs. She’s... she’s everything to me.”

Beebs nudges Poe’s other hand with his little snout, letting out a tiny snorting noise.

Poe laughs quietly at that. “Besides you, pal. You’ll always be my best little buddy.”

Beebs pants happily, the combined effect of his owner’s comment and the way Poe’s fingers scratch at his round belly. He lets out a quiet woof, and Poe tilts his head in interest.

“I can’t just show up at her place unannounced. That’s... that’s gotta be some kind of privacy breach. If someone sees me going in, it’ll ruin everything with her.”

This time, Beebs smacks Poe’s hand with his paw.

“Okay, well, you don’t have to be rude about it,” Poe frowns, stroking over his short six-day-beard with his free hand. “I know I’m an idiot. I never should’ve said anything in the first place. Not havin’ her at all is way worse than what we had going.”

Beebs rolls back onto his stomach and sets a paw on Poe’s knee, yawning again.

“I can’t, buddy. I want to, believe me, but if I just go and see her... that’s the last thing she’ll want. Probably the best thing I can do is just wait for her to call me.”

The little French Bulldog glances up at his owner warily, clearly uncertain.

Poe sighs heavily, letting his eyes flutter closed for just a second. “Okay, fine. I’ll take a shower, change my clothes, and go beg her to reconsider. Is that what you want me to do?”

Beebs’ mouth falls open in a triumphant pant, and Poe gently picks the little dog up as he stands.

“If this backfires, you’re sleeping on the floor for a month.”

06:57 PM

You look good. There’s no denying it, even if you wanted to. This royal blue dress was buried in the back of your closet, and you’re not sure you’ve ever worn it before. You wonder why, because it’s perfectly fit to your body. It’s tight from the waist up and flowy from the waist down, falling perfectly at your knees and showing just the right amount of cleavage. You feel sort of like a modern-day Cinderella, but you opt for simple black pumps instead of glass slippers and you leave your hair down.

You’re light on the make-up, opting for a more natural look since you don’t necessarily feel pressure to impress your sibling.

Long story short, you look hot as fuck.

It’s raining now, and you pull on the fanciest tan trench coat you own before making sure you have your keys and your wallet. Even though your brother said he was paying, you’ll probably end up footing your portion of the bill. Not that he isn’t good on his word, but you don’t want to come off like you’re taking advantage of his hefty politician paycheck. Especially since you don’t see each other very often.

The last thing you expect to see when you swing your front door open is Poe, one arm raised like he was about to knock.

“Oh. Hey.” He sounds like he’s surprised to see you, even though he’s at your apartment, and it makes you laugh a little bit.

“Poe, hey... sorry I haven’t called.”

“No, it’s okay!” He quickly reassures you. It takes you a minute to get over the initial shock of seeing him, and then you realize just how much he’s changed in the week since you last saw him. He’s grown a short beard, trimmed down and neat, and his dark curls are a bit longer. The perfect length to pull on. He nearly seems nervous--he’s fiddling with the hem of his white t-shirt absentmindedly, looking anywhere but at you. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to barge in or anything-”

“It’s okay,” you smile kindly. “I was actually just heading out. Did you need something?”

He does, honestly. He needs you. But he can’t tell you that--not when you’re dressed the way you are, on your way out. He thinks he’s too late. He thinks you’ve already replaced him.

But how can you replace him when he was never technically yours in the first place?

It’s unfair. It’s so goddamn unfair. He should’ve called you. He should’ve at least texted you. He should’ve done anything he could have while he still had the chance.

“I just... missed you,” he tells you quietly. He steps aside and you close your apartment door behind you, locking it before tucking your keys into the pocket of your coat. “I know I should’ve called first-”

“Really, it’s okay,” you laugh gently. “I’ve missed you too. We should catch up soon, yeah?”

You can feel your heart break a little bit. Why would he do this to you? Why would he show up at your door unannounced when you were just starting to move on?

You try to tell yourself that you were never really in a relationship and, therefore, you have nothing to move on from, but that’s not the case and you know it. You devoted yourself to Poe for two years.

But you had to end it. It was better for the both of you. If you were braver, if you could handle putting your life on display, things would be different. But they aren’t. You’re a private person, and Poe’s not. You deserve to maintain your anonymity, and Poe deserves someone that he can cherish in public.

“Yeah. Yeah, we should,” he agrees quietly, trailing a pace behind you as you move down the hall towards the elevator. “So, you have dinner plans?”

You press your lips together in a thin smile as the two of you step into the elevator. The practical part of your brain tells you to make some kind of excuse about leaving something in your apartment so you can get out of this conversation, but the illogical part of you just wants to spend every second you can with him.

“Yeah,” you nod. “Nothing huge. Someone I haven’t seen in a while.”

Poe is very verbally not a huge fan of your brother, so you don’t exactly want him to find out who your brother is. Or that you even have a brother.

Poe stays quiet until the elevator arrives at the ground floor. It’s nothing more than a few seconds, but it feels like an eternity. The silence is enveloping, and you feel like you’re falling into a dark pit. But then the doors slide open, and you both step out. There’s no dark pit, just something vast and unspoken between the two of you.

“Cool. Well, have a good time,” he smiles dejectedly. “It was... nice to see you.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” And then, against your better judgement, you catch his hand and pull him closer so you can gently press your lips to his cheek. “Have a good night, Poe.”

Poe’s heart shatters, and he’s surprised you don’t hear it. “You too, (Y/N).”

THE END

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#blinding lights #rockstar!au #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron fanfiction #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron x y/n #star wars imagine #star wars fanfiction #star wars #cece writes

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horansqueen · 4 years

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You & Me : chapter 11

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.6k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: im excited for the next few chapters to come tbh. if you still read and comment and reblog and like after AM Conversations and this sequel, i want you to know it means a lot to me. i cant even explain. i wrote 11 chapters of this sequel in only a month. thats all because of you guys. thank you, i love you!!!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : i changed one of the requests only slightly (like the drunk thing) but i think its not that bad. spoilers if you read those requests btw!

Chapter 11 : His chapter

NIALL

Her eyes met mine and her lips parted as I let my arm fall on the side of my body, still holding my phone maybe a bit too tight. Did I enjoy the thought of Olivia and I back together? I couldn't pretend otherwise, of course I did. What I didn't like is some random crappy online journalist announcing it before anything even happened. She wanted to back away, I could read it in her eyes, and I knew I had to do something to keep her from pushing me away.

"You're having that flashback too, don't you?"

She chuckled without amusement and raised her eyebrows, glancing down before looking up in my eyes. I didn't want to ruin the mood by showing her that article but at the same time, i knew I had to, if only to prepare her for what was to come. When one article comes out, it sort of gives the green light to every other garbage web sites to say the same thing.

"You and me, getting out of the movies and seeing an article about us dating while I was with Harry and you were with Maya?" she asked before sighing. "Oh yea, fresh memory. Harry was so kind about it."

"Maya was not." I added, my hands in my pockets, making her lips curl. "She was pissed. We argued for over an hour that night."

Her face changed and her smile fell quickly.

"It's the night Harry broke up with me."

I felt something stir in my stomach and I held my breath. I remembered that, too, because I had rushed to her to comfort her. It was the night I touched her, the first time I heard and saw her get an orgasm, one that I gave her, and that thought made a shiver run across my back before I cleared my throat.

"Sorry for the bad memory."

I knew she wanted to say something, I knew her by heart, but when I noticed she wouldn't talk, It reminded me why Harry actually broke up with her. I only found out later, but Harry had mentioned that it was because he knew she was in love with me. Were we going around in circles?

"No it's okay." she just replied, bringing her arms around herself and shrugging. "It's not like Dylan was gonna break up with me for a stupid article."

We both knew that was not why Harry had broken up with her but I decided to keep quiet. This article would already make our friendship falter and there was no way I wanted to make it worse. My eyes roamed on her and I wondered if I just shouldn't tell her how I felt now. Spill it all, tell her I needed her, ask her to drop everything and choose me, and although it was tempting, I was scared it would just ruin everything. The problem was, she looked so beautiful and vulnerable at that exact moment, that I felt like I could be, too. I could be vulnerable in front of her.

"Of course not." I just replied right before her eyes met mine.

She sent me a small smile and nodded, walking past me as I followed her to the door. We entered and took our shoes off and when the door closed, I heard Louis' voice coming from the kitchen.

"Oi Oiii!" he yelled, making me roll my eyes. "My queen is that you? I bought sushi!"

I expected to see his face but it's actually Eleanor's head that poked from the kitchen. Her smile turned into a surprise expression before coming back even bigger

"Hey! Niall!"

She walked up to us and kissed my cheeks before doing the same to Liv. Her smile was contagious and she made a quick head movement.

"Do you guys want to join us for dinner?"

I glanced at Liv only to notice she was already looking at me with a small smile, making me smile too

"Mmhm, yea, sure, thanks guys."

We prepared the food and the wine and brought everything to the table before sitting down. I ended up sitting next to Olivia, in front of Louis and El and even I could have guessed it would, it didn't feel awkward at all to be with a couple.

"I just realized we never had a dinner like that before." Eleanor pointed, her face illuminating. "I mean, I know you two aren't together and... only a few weeks after you two got together, Louis and I.." she just said without finishing her sentence.

She turned to Louis and tilted her head, sending him a fond smile and I couldn't help but glance at Liv. She just grabbed her glass and took a sip before looking at the food in her plate and I frowned a bit, feeling her suddenly tense next to me.

"So Tommo, how's the album coming?" I just asked, trying to change the subject.

I saw Louis' face illuminate, chewing quickly and swallowing before shaking his head. I noticed my ex girlfriend smiling too and even if I didn't know why, I loved seeing her happy.

"Great! I'm taking my time, no rush, I just want to have fun and write something that reflects who I am." he explained as I nodded. "You know what I mean."

Yes, I fucking knew what he meant. My album felt like a mirror of the feelings I had back when I recorded it... and even now. That thought made me glance at Liv again until Eleanor talked.

"By the way, Louis finally made me listen to the song he wrote for you Liv and he mentioned you asked what I thought." she started, making Olivia look down suddenly. "I hope you know i'm totally okay with that. I know you went through a lot together and i'm all cool with that. It's a beautiful song, too."

I felt my heart jump in my throat as her words starting sinking in. Louis had written a song about her? Now I felt extremely curious to find out what it said but also fairly jealous.

"Thanks, I was a bit scared about that. It's a beautiful song I agree." Olivia chuckled low. "I can't believe he wrote that for me. I cried when he made me listen." she then admitted with a real laugh.

I watched their interaction while holding my breath. Witnessing the fact that my ex girlfriend, about whom I wrote an entire album, was touched by someone else writing one song about her was making something burn inside me. Of course, we had never discussed my album together but I couldn't believe she wouldn't acknowledge it at all, praising Louis for something I did at least 10 times, and more, if you count all the songs that didn't make it to the album that were also written about her.

I swallowed my pride and annoyance but a lump remained stuck and I cleared my throat, trying to get their attention. I was not going to mention that now, though. I didn't want to start drama or make everything awkward, but I took a mental note to ask Olivia about it, for sure. Did she not like the songs I wrote for her? Did it not touch her?

"What's the song about?" I asked, trying to be casual.

"Friendship, mate. Just friendship, and how we went through things together." Louis said, looking straight in my eyes. "Also, it pretty much says she's perfect the way she is and that I wished she'd see it the way I see it."

I nodded as if anyone needed my approval and Louis sent me an understanding smile. He knew exactly how I felt, I could read it in his eyes, and the fact that I was jealous of him was ridiculous but I couldn't help it. I didn't really know what they went through together but I knew it had been intense. They were both heartbroken and spent all their time together. No one else had been there and no one else could really know what had happened but If I had to, I'd guess on intense crying sessions and liters of alcohol.

"It was beautiful, I really didn't expect it." Liv added, making the lump in my throat even harder to swallow. "I'm super grateful."

"You're welcome, my queen."

I turned my head away and grimaced slightly, hating myself for letting this affect me. It really shouldn't. It was juvenile of me to take this against me because it literally had nothing to do with me.

The night went on and we talked about a lot of memories and plans we had for the future. It was amazing to find my friends back and have fun with them the way we used to. It had been a bit awkward with Louis in the past months, probably due to the fact that he and Liv became very close and he had tried to keep us at a fair distance from each other.

I thought about how my life had changed in only a few weeks and I liked it like that. I knew that I was missing on something before Olivia and I bumped into each other again but I don't think I really realized to which extent. I had lost many things when I broke up with her and now that it was all coming back, I never wanted to lose it again. It was an understatement to say that Olivia changed my whole life whenever she was in it and after being away from her for so long, it was even more obvious.

When I finally got out of my own thoughts, I tried to catch up with the discussion, not really sure what I had missed exactly but when I understood, I lost my smile as my heart literally dropped in my chest.

"So when are we going shopping for that dress?"

Olivia grimaced and my lips curled very slightly again. I always thought she made the cutest faces and this one was no exception.

"I need to lose weight before, can't look like that in my wedding dress."

My smile faltered as I was reminded of the fact that she was getting married and I frowned despite myself. Louis quickly jumped in and reached for her hand on the table.

"You're perfect the way you are." he just pointed out, looking straight in her eyes. "Right Neil?"

Everyone turned to me and I tried to stop a groan from coming out of my mouth. I should have said something before Louis did, this I knew, but I was focusing on the fact that the love of my life was getting married to someone who wasn't me and I guess it had made me a bit slow to react. Now that Louis had put everyone's attention on me, Liv would probably think I was pressured to say something nice which clearly wouldn't be true.

My eyes found hers and I licked my lips. I loved how she had changed, actually. She grew up and she was glowing. She was never a fan of her body but I was. I loved her curves, I loved her soft skin and the way she'd get goosebumps when i'd brush my fingertips on it, no matter where. I loved her hair and the way it fell in her eyes when she slept. I loved her thin lips and when a smile played on them. I loved her laughter and how her eyes became smaller and sparkled when she'd raise her nose up. I loved watching her naked, walking towards me, her hips moving slowly, making it obvious I was going to get some.

"You are. You're perfect, Olivia."

Her lips curled a bit and she nodded, pressing her lips together. Suddenly, I wanted to kiss her again. It was always on the back or my mind but looking at her like that and thinking about every feature of her body made me want it so bad that I had to hold my breath to make sure I wouldn't just move closer and crash my mouth against hers.

"Excuse me." I cleared my throat and quickly got up, leaving the table and rushing to the bathroom.

I groaned and closed my eyes, leaning against the counter, just tired to see my stupid mug in the mirror. Was this going anywhere anyway? And if it was not, would I be able to just be around her while she'd be married to an other man? When Louis asked me to tell her she was perfect the way she was, only a few words had came out of my mouth when a hundred wanted to. I couldn't express myself and I hated it. I couldn't tell her how much she meant to me and it was killing me. I gripped the counter harder and bent down, cursing under my breath to myself, until I heard a knock at the door. My heart raced but I just opened the door quickly only to see her standing here. I didn't know how long we stared at each other but the intense desire I had to kiss her was back at full force.

"Are you okay?" she asked in a soft and low tone.

I could hear worries in her voice and I sent her a small smile while nodding.

"Yea, i'm okay." I just said, swallowing hard. "You know, about you wanting to lose weight and shit..."

Her eyebrows raised but quickly, she frowned before I shook my head, trying to untangle the words bumping on the sides of my skull like the logo of a fucking dvd in the corner of a tv.

"You just, you look so good, you don't need to change anything." I stammered, cursing internally. "I love everything about you."

"Everything?" she repeated, licking her lips. "I mean, you haven't seen me naked in a while."

The sight of her getting undressed in my guest room invaded my mind and I swallowed hard, trying to push the thought away. I couldn't tell her that indeed, I had, and that she turned me on even more than she did a year ago. I couldn't also deny it because I had promised myself i'd never lie to her again.

"Everything, Olivia."

She started nibbling her bottom lip and the craving of feeling her mouth on mine intensified. I didn't even know it was possible. She leaned against the door frame and I took a step closer to her, bending down as she looked up.

"You're literally the most gorgeous girl i've ever seen." I whispered, moving even closer, hoping she wouldn't move.

Her eyes got bigger in surprise and I just blinked a few times. I had seen a lot of sexy girls in my life, it was true. Girls with perfect bodies and incredible faces, but none of these girls could make me feel the way she made me feel. None of these girls could turn me on the way she did. One time, she told me that no one else was me and that was exactly how I felt, too. No one was her. I wanted no one else.

I bent down more and she raised her chin up, making my heart jump in my chest. With that gesture, I knew she wanted it too. She wanted me to kiss her and I was almost sure she wouldn't push me away, at least not before I could have a little taste of her, and I was ready to risk it. I tried not to talk, scared to ruin the moment or make her back away. I could feel her lips brushing against mine. I could swallow her breath and it started making me feel a bit dizzy for a reason I ignored, but just as I was about to press my slightly open mouth against hers, she pushed me away and got on her knees right in front of the toilet to throw up.

It took me a second to react but I got on my knees too, remaining close to her and I finally grabbed her hair, holding it away from her face as she threw up again. My free hand reached for her back and I rubbed it gently, feeling disappointed that we didn't kiss and guilty for being disappointed in a moment like this.

"You're okay, i'm here." I whispered as I watched her fingers grip the side of the toilet harder while she threw up for a third time.

After about a minute, Louis appeared through the door and I turned around just in time to see his face change. He seemed in panic mode and licked his lips quickly.

"I'll get a towel."

He was back a few seconds later and turned the water on, soaking the towel and handing it to me. I moved her hair away again and started brushing the cold towel on her cheek as she groaned, her eyes still closed.

"I can do it." Louis said, making me shake my head quickly.

"No, I got this, thanks."

He waited a few seconds but finally left and without thinking, I pushed the door, almost closing it. Olivia groaned again and when I noticed she was trying to get up, I helped her slowly. She leaned one of her hands on the counter for balance as I moved the towel on her face and she opened her eyes, meeting mine.

"I'm so sorry for this." she mumbled, grimacing and making me smile. "Sorry for the bad breath, too."

"Your breath doesn't bother me, you should know that by now." I pointed out in a gentle tone, smiling more.

"This is different, it smells like vomit."

"Your vomit doesn't bother me." I argued again.

"it bothers me though."

I moved closer to her just to flush the toilet and she sighed, swallowing hard and grimacing again. I brought my hand to her back again, my whole palm pressed against it as I rubbed it gently.

"Feeling better?"

She raised her nose up and groaned with a shrug.

"You should get a rest." I pointed out as she shook her head.

"I need to take my make up off first." she explained with a sigh, closing her eyes.

She looked exhausted and I tilted my head until she opened her eyes again.

"I can do it for you." I proposed in a low tone, opening one of the drawers and grabbing the bottle I was used to see her buy. "This, yea?"

She blinked a few times and nodded before pointing me something else. I grabbed it too and poured some of the cleanser on a cotton pad slowly. When I looked up, she was staring at me with a fond smile that I sent back.

"Okay, close your eyes." I asked low again before rubbing gently the pad on both her eyes, watching it get colored quickly. "Don't move."

My lips parted a bit as I used an other pad, running in on her face and going even slower when I reached her lips. I stopped just looking at her for a few seconds and finally cleared my throat again.

"Okay, you can open your eyes." I just said, watching her eyes flutter open. A smile appeared on my lips and I chuckled low. "This is harder than it looks. You've got some black left under your eyes."

She smiled more and tilted her chin up before I brushed the pad under one of her eyes. I watched her eyelid flutter a bit as she tried to keep her eye open and did the same with the other eye. The silence in the room was not heavy. It was actually comforting in a way I couldn't explain. I felt like I was locked alone with her on an island. I felt like nothing could tear us apart. I threw away the pads and when I looked back at her, I noticed her eyes were still on me.

"Thank you." she whispered, making me smile again.

I grabbed the towel and turned it around to run the cold and wet fabric on her face, making sure it was not on the same side I had used after she threw up and when I was done, I sighed with a grin.

"Okay, let's get you in bed now."

She groaned again, her nose raising in a grimace, and it made me chuckle. "Don't be a baby!"

I turned around and bent down slightly, waiting for her to get on my back but after a few seconds, I chuckled again.

"Come on, petal."

"I just... Niall, I did gain a little weight I don't think you can-"

"Shut up and get on my back."

It took a few seconds but she did what I asked and I grabbed her behind her knees as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I opened the door more with one of my feet and brought her to her room without even asking which one it was. I put her as gently as I could on the mattress and she chuckled tiredly as I turned around to look at her.

"Do you want me to help you get undressed the way you did for me?" I asked, a smirk playing on my lips and making her laugh even more.

"No thank you, I'm good." she joked. "I'm sick, not drunk."

I stared at her for a few seconds and she did the same. Now would be a horrible time to kiss her but the will I had to do it was still extremely fierce. I bent down and kissed her forehead quickly instead before taking a step back and sliding both my hands in my pockets.

"I'll see if Louis and El need help okay? You rest."

She nodded and turned around to leave but I stopped when she almost yelled my name and when I turned around, I noticed she was sitting. I waited for about a minute, just looking in her eyes and focusing on the beatings of my heart, but she ended up just licking her lips.

"When are you... when am I gonna see you again?"

The question took me by surprise and I raised my eyebrows, bringing one of my hands behind my head to scratch it lightly.

"Uhm, do you want to go somewhere tomorrow night? A pub or a club or something? We could ask our friends-"

"Yes, let's do that." she replied fast, making me smile and nod.

I let out all the air I had kept in my lungs come out as soon as I closed the door behind me and tried to get back to my senses as I walked to the kitchen. Louis and El were having an other glass of wine and I sent them a smile, leaning against the wall. They noticed me and pulled away slightly, making me smile more. There was always something magnetic between them, perhaps something similar to what Liv and I had, maybe still have.

"She's in bed, I think she'll be okay." I told them as Louis nodded. "I think It's time for me to go back home."

I searched through my pants to grab my keys and closed my eyes with a groan suddenly.

"No fucking way." I grumbled, looking at my key chain and sighing. "Not again."

Louis got closer and I glanced at him before shaking my head.

"I lost my key. Again. I don't know how I fucking do that."

"You can sleep here, the guest room is free, sheets are clean." Louis proposed with a shrug. "Room's yours, mate."

I pressed my lips together as I stared at him. The only other solution I could find was to ask Heidi for her key but just thinking about calling her and explaining where I was seemed like too much trouble. After that, she'd probably ask me to sleep at her place or follow me to mine, which was also not something I was in the mood for.

"Okay, thanks, I appreciate."

It took us all about half an hour to get ready and go to bed but when the whole house was quiet and in the dark, I just lied down in bed with my hands under my head, watching the ceiling and trying to remember all the events of the day. Were we really that close to kiss? Was I that close to feel her lips on mine again and maybe more? I closed my eyes tight at that thought and without thinking, I threw my covers away and got out of the room, quietly walking up to hers. I didn't dare to knock but just walked inside until I was close enough to whisper her name.

"Liv, hey."

She groaned and turned around on her back. I was used to the darkness now and saw her blink a few times, her eyes meeting mine before she frowned.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Late." I replied, licking my lips. "Can I sleep with you?"

She sat up and my eyes fell on her chest, noticing she was wearing a familiar shirt. She rubbed her eyes and whimpered low, letting out a yawn that made my lips curl.

"Why are you still here?"

"Lost my key, Louis said I could spend the night." I explained quickly. "Can I sleep in your bed."

She seemed to hesitate but after a while, she just nodded and moved away to give me space. I slithered under the sheets and she turned my way, staring at me for a few seconds. She seemed totally awake now and I just smiled at her, thanking her.

"I recognize the shirt." I pointed out, not really sure if I should really mention it. "I was looking everywhere for it you know."

"Lies." she replied quickly. "I've had it only for a few days."

"You mean you stole it after I let you borrow it because you forgot to bring one."

"I wouldn't say 'steal'." she argued with a shrug.

"What would you say then?"

Silence. I let out a laugh and she grimaced.

"Shut up and sleep."

I laughed again and she turned around, sliding one of her arms under her pillow as her back now faced me. I stared at it for a few seconds and finally inhaled deeply before moving closer to her, wrapping one of my arms around her and reaching for her hand under the pillow with my other one. She whimpered so low that I was not sure I heard right but slowly, she let her fingertips brush against the arm around her and I smiled more.

"Liv?" I asked in a whisper, making her whimper again. "Do you think you were sick because.. of.. I mean, are you getting married because.."

I couldn't seem to finish my sentence but I was not sure if it was because It was a stupid question or because I was scared of the answer. It took her a few seconds but she finally started laughing.

"I'm not pregnant, Nial!l" she chuckled. "Just, never let Louis choose the sushis ever again. Now sleep."

I smiled and placed my head on the pillow before closing my eyes. Feeling her warm body against mine made me feel suddenly better but when she moved back slightly, I realized her legs were bare, just like mine. Her thighs pressed against mine and once again, I realized how perfectly her body fitted with mine. She started snoring lightly and I grabbed her fingers again, squeezing them lightly but decided to leave my body pressed against hers. I moved my head closer, my lips almost touching her nape, her hair tickling my nose, and swallowed hard. I knew she couldn't hear me but I licked my lips anyway before whispering.

"You're perfect."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #my fanfics #yam #cant believe i made a whole chapter about only 1 evening lol

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humanemotionssuck · 3 years

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Hello 2021

January 2, 2021

I should’ve put these thoughts into words on the first day of the year but then again, I felt so lazy given this bed weather we are currently having. By far, I think I experienced the coldest temperature here in my hometown (21 degrees baby) and I’m sure not liking it as I prefer warm days.

I actually do not know how to start. I feel it’s necessary to check on how I am doing lately. Write the things I experienced last year and reflect on the lessons it taught me.

I could probably kick things off by remembering how 2020 started for me. I have a bad memory but I’ll try my best to recall them.

January

Broke up with J (yes this is probably one of the major and heartbreaking events happened to me). To sum it up, I realized that the relationship does not have growth anymore, and I am slowly drifting to follow my own path, which is to focus on the plans I want. I haven’t thought deeply the lessons I learned in my past relationship yet but one thing is for sure, I changed and I want to explore more of what I can do or what I’m missing out in life. Which brings me to attend seminars on how to work/study abroad. I attended a couple (e.g Fortrust Makati) and I also realized how costly it will be and I’m probably not yet ready esp. on the financial aspect.

February – March

Highlight on these months was I got back to dating apps again. I know it was a complete dick move. I haven’t moved on yet and here I am in the pool again. I met 2 guys from this app, Coffee Meets Bagel (which btw I uninstalled few months after). The first guy was the introvert but funny type and also VERY sexual. I got along with it, tried to do the deed but failed cause the guy hasn’t moved on from the ex yet. (Sucks right). And so I met this second guy and he is decent but we really had completely different personality. I believe this guy is also rich (he came from a Chinese family and I went to his house and saw the maid and his stuff). Can you also believe he already introduced me to his mom (no dad cause broken family), uncle and grandma. Pressured si ate gurl syempre cause it was really too early to do that step since we’re just dating but March was the most difficult month because…

START OF LOCKDOWN. PH was in state of panic after the government announced a nationwide lockdown due to increased COVID-19 transmission. I immediately went on a bus to the province fearing to get stuck in Manila.

April

Nah this was just a typical month. Summer vibes all over but since we cannot go to the beach we just setup an inflatable pool in the house to get soaked. I finally posted a pic wearing a swimsuit again. My stagnant IG feed came to life lmao

May

Oh boy. This month sucks so much. I got typhoid fever. Which I thought was COVID already cause my fever just won’t stop. My mom didn’t want me to get admitted in the hospital in the fear of being infected so I was hooked in the IV here in the house. I felt I was dying. I was in huge pain both physically and mentally. Which forced me to end any communication means with the second guy. He was not there when I was sick. I didn’t feel his concern even if we’re miles apart and I felt I was begging for his attention. It just won’t work. He blocked me in his socials (which is a first for me, usually I am the one who blocks lol) but given the current state I have now, I learned to accept it and chose to move forward.

June

Explored options on work/study program abroad. We got a new car (Xpander) which my father was able to purchase after borrowing money from us. That money could’ve been used for my Japan trip on December (plot twist it was cancelled due to fucking corona) but it’s okay I guess I’ll save another again.

I also got my student permit (yes I learned how to drive months after hehe)

July

THIS WAS MY BIGGEST DOWNFALL FOR THIS YEAR. There were some modifications in the quarantine and so my employer required and FORCED us to report on site in Makati despite of high number of positive cases. All I can say is SCREW THEM and I hope karma will do its thing on their business. The management.. the bosses.. they are all inconsiderate fucks for not allowing me to work at home instead. The situation forced me to resign but they chose to terminate me instead. The unemployment took its toll on my mental health, it caused me great depression and anxiety which forced me to look for distractions.. anything that will ease my mind.

Oh and btw, I bought my first laptop from hard earned money. Oh boy, it was satisfying to give myself the things my parents couldn’t afford that time I was still in school. It’s a gaming laptop and the one I’m using to type now. I absolutely love it and I used it to find online jobs later on..

I read Looking for Alaska by John Green again after watching the TV series on Hulu. Geez, this has to be my favorite book so far. The seeking of great perhaps.. which was very timely on my mood while having nothing else to do.

Lastly, TAYLOR SWIFT RELEASED A NEW ALBUM CALLED FOLKLORE. In the middle pandemic? Awesome right and this album kept me sane during this crazy and miserable month. Oh and on December, she released folklore’s sister album.. Evermore. Miss Swift saved me again with her music. This will definitely be one of the albums I will play when I’m old and gray knitting sweaters and wearing cardigan.

August

I started and finished my driving lesson in manual. JFC, I realized driving gives me a huge anxiety. One thing is for sure, I will prefer to drive automatic. Not driving that shit again.

I was still hooked with Looking for Alaska. Also purchased Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck on the time I bought LFA.

On the other hand, I was also actively looking for new jobs this time.

September

ON SEPT. 30 I GOT HIRED! I was super happy to start on a new job. It gave me hope once again to continue on this journey called life. After almost 3 months, we are def back to business!

I also got the chance to get this Thyroid issue checked. Unfortunately, there was no major stuff going on with my thyroid. Basically, I’m perfectly healthy. What sucks is that the doctor invalidated my previous condition and said I only have ~anxiety which is the cause of my symptoms (excessive sweating and palpitations). I will seek professional help on this anxiety stuff anytime in the future.

Lastly, I played Grand Chase again and met someone in the game. Well technically we haven’t met yet but since then, I got used to talking with this guy and he is part of my daily routine now. I won’t spoil much details but as soon as this is all over, I can’t wait to meet this person :)

*cue Grand Chase soundtrack*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoK0bAjsHoo

October

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE! It was a typical birthday. I don’t have much realizations. If I had one, I need to think thoroughly again lol.

Busy with training on the new job and this has been the most challenging training I ever had since I started working.

NOVEMBER

WORK WORK WORK. Super stressed and my anxiety was on the roof. I thought of giving up already but then again it was too early to quit. I haven’t seen my full potential on this job yet and so I chose to keep on fighting.

I also finally got braces. Let’s get these smiles fixed.

December

WORK WORK WORK AGAIN. My work caused me a huge anxiety cause I was given high priority cases -.-But overall, I can say the holidays went great. I finally got to spend time with the family outside. Don’t worry cause we still practiced precautions and I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go out once in a while to have some fresh air. We went to the beach and pretty much that’s the highlight of this month.

Things are getting serious with this guy I’m talking about.. Seriously, he makes me happy every single day.

I also won in Christmas raffle. Oppo phone. (I have the odds in my favor when it comes to raffles lol)

Feels weird to celebrate this holiday too thinking a lot of hardships were experienced in the last few months of quarantine. I was thinking about all the lives lost by covid and hoping they are in the peaceful place now..

JANUARY (NOW)

After everything that happened, oddly the start of the year gives me a sense of hope. Sure I am still carrying the trauma 2020 gave me but I am slowly leaving all of them behind. I want a fresh start and I want to let go of the things that gave me pain. I don’t have solid resolutions just like in my teenage years. Guess I’m too old for that. Not saying it’s okay to not have plans for the future and just go with the flow but I promise to not be too hard on myself and to not pressure myself on the goals I haven’t achieved yet. It’s really a struggle to plan things ahead given the situation but as always, I will do my best. I will stop comparing my progress to somebody else’s cause everyone has their own timeline.

I will listen to my heart and my mind to determine the things I really want. I promise to reevaluate the decisions I am making each day. I will not be afraid of making mistakes because that’s how I learn.

I am embracing my anxiety of uncertainty. It’s okay to feel afraid because I am always trying on how to overcome my fear. I strive each day because I am more than just a ball of anxiety. The palpitations.. the sweating.. they don’t define me. I have the power to control them and they won’t stop me from being the better version of myself.

#quaranthings #just quarantine thoughts #2020 #bye2020 #new year

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skrillahead · 4 years

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Ten years ago, when I was 23 an old friend introduced me to @taylorswift music. I had just gone through a horrendous breakup to a guy named John and she mentioned how she felt I would appreciate the song “Dear John.” To my surprise it resonated every thought and feeling I was going through. It didn’t take long before I begged her to let me borrow her Speak Now album. I’ll admit here and now that it was one of the fundemental albums I listened to help me recover from one of the worst relationships I’ve ever been in.

Two years later in 2012, history repeated itself. The relationship wasn’t as dramatic or eventful but it still hurt like hell. I mean, how could it not? when no matter how many times you put your love out there they never want to stay. To my surprise Taylor Swift put out her singles for her Red album that fall and I can’t even begin to describe how therapeutic it was to listen to “I knew you were trouble” but also how much I cried every time I listened to “Red” because it really did feel like driving a Maserati down a dead end street *cries even now*

Two years after that in 2014, Taylor’s 1989 album was released and at the time I hadn’t really cared to date anymore. I was happy being on my own and wasn’t looking to detox of any sad emotions but I bought the album because “Shake it off” was just super fun to listen to and I’m so glad that one song convinced me to buy the album because that year I had a falling out with the very friend who introduced me to Taylor’s music. So one can only imagine what song I had on repeat that fall. You guessed it “Bad Blood” it was almost as if she had premeditated my life. Like she knew what was coming before I did and said, “here. This might help”

In 2015, an ex bf from 2006 (my first real bf) sent me a text one night after not speaking for about six years because he was in a new relationship and wouldn’t stop messaging me. Keep in mind, I had never gotten over this guy because he was my first everything. It was hard to forget him (up until this series of events of course) but as hard as it was to ignore him i knew it wasn’t right to talk to him while he had a girlfriend because yes, I believe in karma. The night he textd me we talked for hours. He says “we broke up” and “she wasn’t you” I fight it for a bit but eventually I bite. Not long after, I see him and get to kiss him again. It felt like magic all over again, he even mentioned going on vacation together and getting married but as fast as he came he left. Turns out he was still seeing his “at the time ex” (you can see where this is going) I eventually put all the pieces together and tell him to never speak to me again. I felt so broken and stupid for believing every word he said and for thinking that I could even mean anything to him when he had been with this other girl for 7 years at that point. So what did I do to heal? Like most people I hung out with friends and kept busy but honestly, none of that helped as much as listening to “You’re not Sorry” from the Fearless album on repeat. It was the one album I hadn’t listened to in its entirety yet and when I heard that song I cried like someone spilled onion juice in my eyes but I kept moving forward and eventually got out of my depressive state. So again, thank you for that. Btw fast forward to present time and they’re now married. So, congratulations Mr and Mrs Muir. Side note: there are so many details missing from this but I don’t want to bore anyone with that in the middle of an already long post.

Flash forward to 2016, there wasn’t a new Taylor Swift album. Which almost felt odd considering there had been 2 year gaps between her albums before but I did read a lot about her in the tabloids that year so I figured her absence might’ve been related to it. Regardless, my own personal and very unrealistic agenda for Taylor made me angry with her that year. 2016, was the year Trump ran for President, and as we all know he won. For some crazy reason my head went crazy. I strongly believed that Taylor could’ve kept that man from winning had she used her voice because of how strong her following is but we couldn’t find her until voting day. I conjured up this idea in my head that she was more concerned about losing followers over where she stood in politics than what actually happened to us as a nation. I really don’t know what I was going through that year to be so delusional. It probably didn’t even have to do with Taylor Swift but I did become angry. There was just so much uncertainty by the end of that year that maybe I used her as a scape goat and just started believing all of the negative things that were being posted online about her which in retrospect, wasn’t right and wasn’t fair. She’s still a person with not only her own thoughts and feelings but also her own struggles. So if by any crazy chance you happen to read this I want to say I am deeply sorry.

Okay, so now it’s the year 2017 and I am celebrating one year of living with my awesome new roommate, who legitimately has been one of the bestest if not thee best friend I have ever had and Taylor has released her Reputation album BUT I do a personal protest to not listen to it (because remember? I’m still angry) but it was inevitable. She was everywhere! and while I may not have been a huge fan of the first single, I have to admit when I heard “Ready for it” in that one commercial it got so hard to not want to just listen to it on Spotify because the whole song just sounded so good. Yet, somehow I kept strong.

Flash forward to 2018, and what is this I see? Taylor Swift finally voiced her opinion on politics? Let me tell you, when I say I ran so fast to the Spotify app so fast it felt like my life was depending on it. I relapsed the second Taylor Swift announces her political stance because I may have been wrong about her but I was wrong for a good reason. She showed what she truly valued and it wasn’t numbers. Thank you by the way because I was aching to listen to “Ready for it” on repeat for about a year at this point. Not only that! But she released her 2 hour Reputation Tour documentary on Netflix that year and now I was upset that I let my emotions get the best of me because it looked like such a fun tour to be a part of.

2019, wasn’t too eventful from what I can remember. Well, with the exception of Taylor fighting for the rights to her music which by the way, what the hell is up with that? Just give her work back! Still I hoped that regardless of that her and her boo Joe Alwyn were doing well. I personally loved the story I read somewhere about how he told you he wasn’t giving up that easy or something along those lines. I’m personally a hopeless romantic and like cheesy stuff like that even though I may come across as tough ogre. In the words of Shrek himself, I’m like an onion. I’ve got layers.

So now we’ve finally reached present year 2020, a whole 4 years since I got irrationally upset with a person I’ve never met before except through her work. It’s 6 days before my 33rd bday and the Miss Americana documentary is released on Netflix. I felt angry once again but this time at myself. I was upset with this artist I had admired for so long who had helped me mend wounds and collect broken heart pieces. All while she was dealing with her own family issues, her breakups, sexual abuse, body image issues, scandal, and finding the strength to voice her political opinions. I really had the nerve to be upset? I’ll admit another thing on here at the risk of someone I know reading this and thinking I’m overdramatic for doing so but I cried. I genuinely felt terrible. How she’s been able to keep such a strong and wise head on those shoulders after everything that’s been thrown at her is admirable. I can only dream of being that damn strong and I find refuge in the fact that while everything may not be perfect in her life at least she has a good support system whether that be in the shape of her parents, her brother, her boyfriend, or her friends (yes, that includes fans.)

Anyway, I wrote all of that to show you guys that while we’ve been in quarantine I’ve found solace in bullet journaling and had added a bunch of my favorite Taylor Swift lyrics from the last 4 albums she’s released. It helped me let go of a lot of old thoughts and emotions to rewrite them myself. Your music, your words, and your values have helped me and so many others so much Taylor. I know it’s selfish to ask but please keep writing even when you get married or when you have kids and they need their diaper changed (shoot I’ll babysit if you need me to) or til you get old lady fingers and they’re all spotty and wrinkly. I’ll even send cookies as a thank you. If you’ve read this far I hope Ive made you laugh even a little. Stay, stay, stay, safe and quarantined guys :)

#taylorswift taylornation #taylor swift #i love you taylor #taylornation #taylortoldthetruth #bullet journal #journal #lyric quotes #lyrics #music #quarantine #heartbreak #relationship #evil exes #friendships #self healing #life #boyfriend

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moviestorian · 5 years

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Queen on Fire - Live at the Bowl 1982 concert (Hot Space Tour) LIVEBLOGGGGGGGG

As promised! :) Initially I was supposed to go directly from Montreal to Wembley, but dear @his-majesty-king-mercury convinced me to do Live at the Bowl before, and I’m glad she did!

Background: The concert is dated at June 5, 1982. As I wrote in the title, it was part of the Hot Space tour and was initially supposed to be played at Arsenal Stadium in Highbury. A day before the gig Freddie had a nasty fight with his then-boyfriend who had bitten him between a thumb and forefinger.

Let’s begin! - ugh Hot Space - but hey, it's gonna be fun! It's Queen, and Queen always puts the bestest live shows! - oh wowzie, this is mah first liveblog since April, long time not seen right? - my pizza's ready, my coffee's ready, my dip is ready - I think I can start watching now - Ooo wow, this concert lasts an hour and 43 minutes? I would die if I had to play on stage for that long - I can already feel the enthusiasm!!! The ENERGYYYY - FLASH AAAAAAHHH AHHHH - they're leaving the plane and look so hella cuuute - oh hi Crystal! oh hi Phoebe! Great to see you all! - gotta say... Freddie's outfit is fabulous. - Brian: plays the guitar and jumps the Crowd: HELL YEAH - I'm only 3 minutes in and my current mood is: fuck the critics whoever trashed Queen and disrespected their music skills - WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU - I love the fast version, slaps 100 times harder than the studio version - Deaky looks awesome in blue, I mean I already noticed that when I watched Rock Montreal, but let me reiterate - It's only been 5 minutes but let me tell you...not enough zooms for Roger - Freddie's in a good shape and form... not that I'm surprised - ROGER - cute red little scarf on mah boi's neck - THE FIRST FREDDIE AND ROG INTERACTIONS, I LIVE, I'M HAPPY - "hello everybody" "hey hey hey" good time to miss Freddie - Action This Time... Anyone surprised that it sounds better live than on the album? - ROGER'S VOCALS HOTDAMN - Brian's hair is floofy as usual... why am I acting like it's an unusual thing - I really really miss hearing Freddie and Roger together... POWER DUO - the synths get introduced... I neither love nor hate it tbh - okay not Queen related but the pizza is not bad, for a frozen one - Freddie, you feeling too hot for that jacket? And you Deaky, too? Get undressed, babes, I certainly don't mind - Play the Game! I love this song... Also Freddie playing on a piano is a blessing to us all - He really puts his soul into this one... Bless this man - Brian's backing vocals always sound so soft... My tenor angel - THANK FRICKING GOD THE SYNTHS IN THE BACKGROUND ARE BARELY AUDIBLE - LOL FREDDIE - he put a towel on his head I'm XDDDD what a legend - this and the famous plastic bag is a thrilling saga - AAAAA YOOOO - LMAO at Freddie throwing his...water?beer? at the audience - *Hot Space apologist speech* :P - we're at the funky part, I guess... - Brian and John's synchronized movements :)))) - ah okay it's Staying Power... I forgot what the song sounds like - Roger in black... I'm swooning - Roger has a nice closeup view on Freddie's butt, I mean back :D - This is not bad, but I'm gonna bet that I'll forget what this song sounds like again in less than two hours - John's haircut is cute and adorbs :D - OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - Somebody to Love!!!!!!!!!!!!! - The intro...sounds so sublime, soft, and raw at the same time - I love that it sounds slightly different, depending on the concert - This is really emotional... We shall see how it goes, but so far it surpasses even the god tier Montreal version! - Forgive me for not saying too much now... I'm fully sunk in the sheer beauty of this sincere performance - Love Roger's drumming and the crowd clapping to the beat! - "I like it" ME TOO FREDDIE - I wish we could hear Roger a tiny bit better! I love the crescendo part - That was beautiful :') - Now I'm Here!!!! asjgashasashjgas - I love it when they perform it at higher speed - The jumping crowd fairly represents what my brain cells currently look like - I hella love Roger's drumming in this song - well not just this song but y'know - Freddie...what was that??? WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THAT FINGER??? - hehe you can tell that Brian's very into it :D - Brian trying to get Roger's attention... Rog is, however, fully dedicated to his drums :D - Freddie lying down after the song is a post-exercise or post-dinner mood - "Let's play a game" YES SIR - yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah - "Go pretty boy, go" I'm SOFT - hear that bassline? YES ME TOO - (it's Dragon Attack if anyone's wondering) - Freddie Mercury: lead singer AND fitness instructor - wish I could make some screencaps, alas I'm watching this online so it would take too much effort so here we are - Fred, let BRIAN PLAYYYY nooo don't distract him! - out of context those cuts and shots look like John is jealous of Freddie and Roger XDDD this is gif and meme worthy (around 39 minute) - btw probably no one is interested because you came here for the Queen concert liveblog, but I got my period and I'm starting to feel it - IT SUCKS - ooooo Brian speaking! His voice is so soothing, I could listen to him all day and it would probably calm my nerves - acoustic guitar...I'm already in - WHY SO QUIET THOUGH - Love of My Life, I'm cry - Everyone's singing along from the very first line... this is beautiful - Everyone united by this song's pure beauty :))))) I'm not crying you are - Do you sometimes think about Brian playing the acords for this gorgeous track and there is no Freddie sitting beside him? - Yeah, I hate myself for that thought too - I might be a little bit emotional - No wonder it was this particular song was the one that finally convinced Bri's father to FINALLY accept his son's career - Brian's gentle smile I'm :') :') :') - *clap clap clap clap* SAME - We're at Save Me now... Are we doing a crying compilation or what? - This is almost as bad as the Queen Forever album I recently bought.. TOO EMOTIONAL - Don't get me wrong, I ADORE Save Me - But this is too much - Almost 50 minutes in and Freddie's voice is still STRONG AS A BELL - Remember what I said about the "fuck the critics" mood? Yeah the mood is back - Even the cute Roger/Freddie interaction almost makes me cry I'm agsahjhsAAAAAAAAA - I need a more lighthearted now BLEASE - I'm a tough cookie but when I have Queen feels very little can help! - Is this Back Chat? OH GOD - Please bring me back to the crying mode, I DIDN'T MEAN THIS - (I'm sorry Fidan and all the Back Chat fans over there, I'm not a huge fan of this song :-*) - We get a nice view on Roger's back, though *Lenny face* - The synths sound like a main theme for some mystery-drama tv show from the 1980s XDDD - I forgot how long this song is... - Get Down Make Love *insert Lenny face again* - Okay I gotta admit... lyrically this song is a mess and borderline cringey in the first verse, but I really like it musically - I GIVE YOU HEAT - I GIVE YOU MEAT *three Lenny faces* - Okay, let's just listen to the song and pretend we all forgot the English language, maybe? - That mid parts always makes me feel like I'm about to be abducted by aliens - Thank God I don't do drugs, I would start thinking I might be hallucinating - I assume that Brian's guitar solo starts now? - Nice intro! - And Roger gets time to breathe, the boy needs his oxygen - Actually, this may be one my favourite of Brian's guitar solos? - Brighton Rock :))))))))))))))) - Brian's hands are very pretty - oh noooooo - an error? - poor Bri - that disappointed guy who screamed "No" when the guitar stopped playing :D - thankfully he issue quickly got solved! - hi Roger, nice to see you back <3 - It's Roger's time to shine! - YEs, Under Pressure! - The Montreal version is gonna be hard to beat, though - Let's see - uu I like Fred's red jacket! - ...do you have any shirt underneath, though? Naughty boi - he does not LOL - "HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH" - let me tell you again...Roger's mic is definitely not turned loud enough - This is great but still, I prefer the Montreal one - That beer always amuses me XD - Freddie, you want us to slap your ass? - Oh no, he's just announcing Fat Bottomed Girls XDDDD - "I was just a skinny lad" the editing team: cuts to the camera angle which shows Brian first and Freddie after him - Roger's "oooh" is funny because he's really into it :D :D :D - Freddie is now a pole dancer, he changed profession - The crowd, always cheering when Freddie gets undressed :P - I sense Crazy Little Thing Called Love incoming! - yes it is Crazy Little Thing! - Freddie's joke about the three guitar cords XDDD - This song always slaps - "she drives me crazYY" - ReAdY fReDdIe - FREDDIE PLS STOP FCKING YOUR GUITAR - this is pretty - BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY YEAH - he sounds so soft :)))) - and now so raw - "Momma UwU" - can't unsee this fricking meme now ajsdhjgdhjds - My favourite guitar solo :')))) - they actually played the video??? - I miss spaniel haired Deaky tbh - *instense drumming* *fireworks* - Oh Brian is wearing this cool shirt he also wore in Montreal! - jumpy Deaky...too bad you can onnly see him from the distance - GONG - that was sexy - Roger hitting that gong in the black outfit is sexier than shirtless Rog hitting the gong, change my mind - TIEE YOUR MOTHER DOWN TIEE YOUR MOTHER DOWN - There's only some 15 minutes left... The time always passes so quickly when I'm watching a Queen concert - Another One Bites the Dust! I've been waiting for thiiiis - Deaky: happy jump - He knows it's his time to shine - wait a second, when did Roger change his shirt? - I need a good closeup - Freddie be like *imma slap my thigh now* - ooo I see Roger's Japanese shirt now! It's pretty cool! - Brian looks great too - Those flashing light are kinda migraine-inducing, thankfully I don't have an aura today - SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER heartattack - Looks like Freddie is flirting with Red Special :P - they're going absolutely crazy XD - WE WILL ROCK YOU DRUMLINE INTENSIFIES - LOL the sombrero on Freddie's head :P - ups mr editor dropped a frame - And now we're truly heading towards the end... I'm gonna start associating We Are the Champions with farewells soon - Well done, boys - I know I say it every single time - But you can't stress this enough - :)))) I'm glad I did this liveblog - They look exhausted but very satisfied :))) - Bye bye!

Next time I’ll be doing Wembley 1986, hopefully soon!

Tagging all the people who expressed their wish to read my ramblings. :) Enjoy!

@his-majesty-king-mercury, @x5vale, @radio-ha-ha, @mephisto92, @39-brian, @melisa-may-taylor72, @silapril, @kitty-rushes-in, @lydiannode, @an-abyss-called-life, @litsy-kalyptica, @importantmuggoophero, I hope I didn’t forget anyone! ^^ Comments are nicely welcome! :3

#wera talks queen #liveblog #milton keynes 1982 #queen at the bowl #long post

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himadakara · 6 years

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Schwarz Stein Oneman LIVE 『Children of Decadence』ゲスト：眞呼

EDITED: The tweets wouldn't embed correctly so I found out that I needed to change something in the blog's html and now they show up as they should. After writing this post yesterday night right after the live I just fell into bed, so I made some minor changes this morning and corrected some typos as well.

I attended this live having listened to a few Schwarz Stein albums around the time of their disbanding and sometimes over the years. They had always been on the list of bands I wanted to see live if I got the chance, but not enough to go out of my way to see them. I had however definitely been a deadman fan back in the day (though I only had the chance to see them live once in Frankfurt, Germany, in 2006. Unfortunately they disbanded just a few months later) so when I heard about Mako performing as a guest on Schwarz Stein’s 15th anniversary tour back in 2017 I briefly thought about traveling to Nagoya for the day. But I gave up after I heard how quickly the concert sold out.

When Kaya announced this concert via his twitter I had just fallen head-first into one of my deadman-nostalgia phases, where I listen to their albums and watch old videos on Youtube non-stop, so of course I had to get myself a ticket and take the chance to see Schwarz Stein AND Mako live at Shibuya Rex.

I had never been to Shibuya Rex before, but I had heard complaints about it being horribly packed if it was sold out, and the concert was sold out. Since I had ticket number 177 I got in after the hall was already half full, exchanged my drink ticket and made my way straight to a space in the back that was slightly higher than the front of the hall. Luckily I am 172cm and I didn’t have another equally tall person in front of me, so I had a perfect view of the stage.

Since I am horrible at remembering song titles and set lists, let me share this set list from a Japanese fan:

Schwarz Stein 2/25 渋谷REX 『Children of Decadence』セトリゲスト⇒眞呼#schwarzsteinセトリ pic.twitter.com/PKPwBpPmAO

— ✟ぺるそな✟ss+眞呼2/25渋谷 (@dix_er)

25. Februar 2018

Now that we have that out the way, let’s talk about the MCs.

MC1

During the first one only Kaya spoke. Since I had never seen them live I suspected that Hora was the silent type. (As it turns out there was a reason for this, but more on that later...) Kaya welcomed everyone back to Schwarz Stein and described the band and the live as “a place to return to and forget everyday life and its sorrows”. He then said “But if you can’t forget your sorrows, that’s okay too. Maybe you just have a lot of hate in you and you think ‘ugh can’t that person just die?’ okay, maybe not that bad,.. ‘it wouldn’t be too bad if that person died’...”. Since he wasn't being able to find a way out of the very dark and slightly morbid explanation he just laughed and said “Well we’re that kind of band.” Okay.

Kaya spoke about how he writes all of Schwarz Stein’s lyrics based on his own experiences and emotions and while he loves all the lyrics he has written he said that the next song “Fleeting Beauty” means a lot to him.

MC2

The second MC started with the same topic: “So Schwarz Stein is more of a dark band... it doesn’t really get any lighter than this. If some of you have only seen the Kaya solo projects, this might be a bit of a surprise to you. Who here is seeing Schwarz Stein for the first time btw?” A few people including me raised their hands.

At this point Hora had also grabbed a microphone and started saying something but his voice came out really hoarse. They joked about how he sounded like an old lady and that his voice had been like this for a few days so he had to eat lot's of mint candies, even on stage. He said he was really sorry and wanted to refund the fans since he usually talks and sings/shouts a lot more, with Kaya deadpanning “no sorry. no refunds”. Since the crowd had been relatively silent (unless prompted by the two) during the first songs Hora motivated them to shout more during the MC as well, and when he wasn’t happy with the result he joked “I know how it is, you really want to see Mako-sama, but you have to wait a bit more”.

Kaya also talked about his upcoming solo live and a live/music video shooting in a club in Shinjuku where fans could participate in the video. Apparently the song will be a lot more upbeat than his previous songs, so he jokingly recommended for fans who did not want to see a different side of him to not come.

眞呼タイム (Mako time)

After a few more songs SchwarzSteine left the stage. The staff girls brought a different microphone and a small table with a lamp on top. Then Mako walked on stage. He had a silver-grey bob wig, dark lined eyes and his typical black lipstick as well as some fluorescent makeup that only showed when he stepped close to a black light lamp that illuminated him from below.

I think it was the same outfit that he wore at the live in Nagoya last year as well:

眞呼 2017/11/19 今池GROW pic.twitter.com/ZeoYjePoGk

— zoisite_information (@zoisite_info)

20. November 2017

He performed two kein songs (danro no kajitsu & grammy) and two deadman songs (through the looking glass & side of scaffold) and his voice was impeccable as always. After through the looking glass he quickly disappeared only to return with a ChupaChups tree and other snacks and candies that he started to throw into the crowd (just like in the images above from November as well). He really seemed to enjoy the little prank and kept pulling chocolate and candies from different places on stage and from his pockets.

After side of scaffold he left again, we got a short interlude (which sounded like a squeeking lamp swinging in a room, while the lights on stage were flickering) and then Schwarz Stein came back with more danceable, upbeat songs this time.

Encore

After the encore calls the staff girls brought a third microphone and then first Hora and then Kaya returned. Kaya gave a brief summary of Schwarz Stein’s band history, how they had started in 2002, disbanded for some time and then got back together to now do Schwarz Stein lives a few times every year. He talked about their 15th anniversary tour in November of 2017, where they toured three cities and had a different guest for each concert: Mana for Tokyo, Közi for Osaka and Mako for Nagoya. Hora claimed he had invited all three by sending them letters personally and we should all be very thankful to him. Based on Kaya’s reaction (”um, excuse me...? you did what?”) this was 100% a lie and it was probably Kaya who got in contact with them. (;D) Kaya talked about how he had wanted to hear Mako perform again and would try to suggest him people to form a band with but how for now these performances with Schwarz Stein was what they were able to do.

Then, they called Mako back on stage and “properly introduced him”, since there had been no introduction before. Mako came back with more candy, handed one to Hora who went down on one knee to receive it. Then Mako went to the 下手 (shimote = the “bassist side”/left side of the stage) side and started handing out more candy to the crowd there. While he was doing so he explained that this side hadn’t gotten any before so he wanted to be fair to everyone. At the same time Kaya, who had also hoped for a candy after Hora got one, stood in the background pouting until Mako finally noticed him and gave him one too. He bowed to receive the precious candy from Mako and Mako in turn went down on one knee and acted as though he would kiss Kaya’s gloved hand. (= everyone was being very silly and had a lot of fun)

After all the candy was handed out Kaya again talked about the 15th anniversary live in Nagoya and how it sold out so quickly because fans wanted to hear Mako perform. Kaya emphasized again that he felt the same as the fans. The crowd agreed and at this point Mako turned his face away from the crowd seemingly moved. He said that just performing 2 songs was really tiring for his voice and body and tried to lighten up the mood by asking for water (because of his strained voice). Kaya however didn’t let go of the topic and said that he hoped to hear Mako’s voice again and that he and us fans needed to do our best and stay alive to hear it again. To which Mako replied “I guess then I need to stay alive as well.”

At this point Kaya announced the first of 3 songs that the three of them would perform together: 方舟(hakobune) He admitted that this song wasn’t the best choice given that they had just decided to do their best to stay alive, since the first song is about a ship of death (a sinking ark). Surprisingly this lightened up the mood and everyone (including Mako who was actually bowing over from laughing) was laughing at the awkward song choice.

After the third song Mako left the stage and Schwarz Stein performed one more song.

Before the lights turned on again Schwarz Stein announced a minialbum and a tour through five big cities in Japan in fall of 2018. ----

I don't usually write live reports and I wouldn't say that I am particularly good at it. But after the Nagoya live last year I had tried to find any information I could about the performance, so I wanted to write down my own impressions for everyone who (just like me in November) couldn't attend this concert.

Just like after the Nagoya live last year the zoisite twitter account has already posted some photos and Mako has also tweeted a message to the fans:

眞呼　20180225 SHIBUYA REX pic.twitter.com/Bh832HynLL

— zoisite_information (@zoisite_info)

25. Februar 2018

兄弟、同じ闇の皆様。貴方が笑えば僕は叫ぶ。見える様、聞こえる様に。楽しい世界でした。 https://t.co/az5zTPGh69

— 眞呼 (@maco_nightlight)

25. Februar 2018

"Dear siblings, you from the same darkness. If you laugh I shout. So you can see, so you can hear it. It was a fun world."

#deadman #mako #眞呼 #schwarz stein #kaya #hora

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ahamortenusa2015 · 7 years

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Take on This!

----A Journey Like No Other----

First off, welcome back!

I know it’s been forever and a day since I last did an installment of Take on This, and I apologize. My life went into overdrive over the last year-ish—some really great things took an incredible amount of my time; some not-so-great-things threw a monkey wrench into daily life. To the not-so-great things, I say: I dealt with you, conquered you, and came out a stronger person on the other end. Also, I learned that I didn’t have time for drama in my life and acted accordingly. It was liberating.

But, enough about that, because…

…a-ha is FINALLY COMING TO THE UNITED STATES!

I’ll just be over here for a moment while that sinks in.

//whistles while she waits//

Let’s get in the time machine, shall we? Our story begins in 2014, with two ladies meeting each other over a mutual love of Morten Harket and his music. Becoming fast friends, they soon found themselves planning a trip to Norway to see him in concert—a dream come true. Those two gals were none other than Debbie and Clara. One incredible chance-of-a-lifetime meeting later, they had expressed their desire—right to the man himself—to see him on American shores. Upon returning home, they decided to take it one step further: why not try and get Morten *and* a-ha over here? Now, they knew a-ha had gracefully left us in 2010, but there was always hope in the back of their minds, just as we all had hope. So, they set up a Facebook page (this very one!) and started a petition (the one we have almost 1,500 names on now!), and decided to see where it took them.

People began to take notice. Visitors from the page signed the petition and shared with friends. People enjoyed the photos of a-ha and Morten they posted on Facebook. One of those people was me, LA. What started as me probably making a sassy comment about Morten’s choice of pants in that one photo we all know and love turned into something much more.

In March 2015, I got a message from Clara telling me that she and Debbie had talked and they both had a “gut feeling” that I was a pretty cool gal. (They’re right, BTW //tooting my own horn//). They asked me to join the fold and maybe write some blog pieces for fun, and I immediately took the reins on our social media front. We set up Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram and updated the Facebook page, and started the Take on This! blog, all with one purpose: get attention to our petition (and entertain you all in the process!)

And guess what? People noticed even more. The number of signatures began to rise. More guests liked our Facebook page, and began following us on the other platforms. So, we set up a website, and lo and behold, people visited there, too! By the end of March 2015, Cast in Steel had been announced, and we wanted nothing more than to have them come to our shores and play for all their adorning fans here that couldn’t make it to Europe for shows. Tour dates were announced…and they didn’t include us. So guess what? We threw ourselves into “work our asses off” mode. Late nights, early mornings, neglecting of family duties—all on our own time, no pay from anyone, mind you—to get our (and your) voices heard. Facing adversity from certain sources only made us a stronger team, and more determined bring attention to our campaign. Because when it’s all said and done, all a-ha fans deserve the opportunity to see the guys in concert, no matter what certain people think.

And on we pressed. We contacted the Original MTV VJ’s on Twitter: Mark Goodman, Alan Hunter, Martha Quinn, and Nina Blackwood. All were eager to help our grass-roots effort get some attention, as they remembered those Norwegian angels and how much influence they had on pop culture. Mark and Nina both gave us ON AIR shout outs on Sirius XM, and all four tweeted about us on their own accounts. Nina in particular has been an incredible help, as she is always willing to post our links, talk about us and Debbie on-air and give a-ha a little love during her airtime.

And guess what? The petition numbers kept rising.

By this time it was June 2015, and we weren’t even close to being done. We were sitting on the precipice of 500 signatures, no small feat. But we wanted more. We wanted a-ha and their management to know that the fans here in the USA wanted them back. Time was ticking by, and we knew the USA was running out of time to secure tour dates. So we worked our tails off even more, sometimes resorting to asking random people if they liked a-ha, all in order to reach that magic number. (I may or may not have been guilty of asking the service technician at my car dealership to sign during an oil change. He signed—and I regret nothing.)

June 16, 2015. “500 Day.”

The number glared at us, we screeched and cried happy tears, then…

…immediately started planning on how we were going to get to 1,000.

We did giveaways for certain number milestones, we circulated flyers around our hometowns, we contacted radio stations nationwide, deejays and anyone we could think of in the entertainment business who might listen. To quote a previous entry of Take on This: Perfect strangers? No problem, A-ha is great icebreaker. Family vacation? Pssshhh. Hawaii loves A-ha too, right? Local restaurants? State Fairs? Kid’s music lessons? Check, check and double check.

And guess what? THE NUMBERS KEPT RISING. We imposed a deadline on ourselves to get to that next magic number—August 31st. Before we knew it, August was upon us. And August 9th brought 1,000 names. In just over five months, we had gone from 300-ish signatures to over a thousand. Within a day, hundreds of dollars our own money went towards postage for sending hard copies of the petition to Norway. We knew it needed to be there RIGHT NOW if the USA were to have any chance of getting tour dates. We ensured it was in the right hands, no matter how hard or expensive it was. How’s that for working our butts off day and night?

And still we pressed on. 1,000 wasn’t enough. Time was of the essence, because we knew the window to achieve gigs for the USA was quickly closing. So again, we kicked into overdrive. Working through the autumn, we blasted the information about our petition far and wide, hoping against hope that it would garner even more attention.

December 8, 2015.

The day our hearts collectively broke. I remember I woke up like any other day, wrangled my son out of bed on a below-zero morning to get to school on time, and checked my phone while making oatmeal. The message I never wanted to see greeted me.

They weren’t coming. All tour dates had been announced.

I’ll admit, I cried. Hard. I tried to keep my composure and got my dude into school like a trooper. When I returned to my car, I called Debbie and sobbed—and swore. Profusely. (Poor Debbie, did she get an earful from that parking lot…) Everything we had worked for. Everything we had HOPED for. For nothing.

We took a week or so to wallow in our misery, and also decide what to do next. Yes, they weren’t coming—THIS TIME. You see, that hope, that drive, that made us strive to succeed the first time, was still there. Maybe even burning hotter than before.

Debbie and Clara at least had Norwegian concerts to look forward to, and I vicariously lived through them during their whirlwind tour of that beautiful Scandinavian country to see a-ha for the very first time in May 2016. And all the while, even though the end of the tour had arrived by then and there was no concrete evidence that a-ha would come back again, we kept on. Armed with flyers, cards and a few more hard copies of our petition, they put feet to the ground in Norway and got back to business in-between shows.

Because we’re nothing if not persistent.

The petition made it into the hands of an executive from Norsk Hydro who knew the band, and promised to share it with them. She was thrilled to hear that there was such a fan base in the USA and was eager to tell the guys. When the gals were fortunate enough to talk to each of the lads, they always made sure to tell them how much they were wanted here, and that all our hard work was for the fans that have never had the chance to see them on our shores. We crossed our collective fingers. Debbie and Clara returned to the United States with a renewed love of Norway and a smattering of cautious optimism that our efforts would somehow still not be in vain.

We kept on updating our little corner of a-ha land, all the while working for the Norwegian band KELNER doing promo in the USA. We were busy, that’s for sure. But all the while, we always had that glimmer of hope that a-ha would return yet again. We kept the petition open and continued to get support, with the numbers continuing to rise.

2017 brought new hope—and renewed vigor in us—in the form of the acoustic tour announcement. Once again, we flew into action, blasted our petition with louder voices than we had ever had before. Nina Blackwood, once again, supported us by talking about our campaign on-air and posting our links on her Facebook page. She even gave a shout-out to Debbie before she left for the acoustic shows last month.

This time, we would not be left out. The sting of disappointment was still raw from last time, the wound still aching. And then again, when all the acoustic gigs were announced—the USA was not part of the deal.

Dammit.

But, we persisted. Because we could just feel it. Maybe it was the way the guys seemed to have so much fun during the Cast in Steel tour, or the announcement of the acoustic album and DVD for autumn. We knew there had to be something more.

The MTV Unplugged concerts at Giske were a success. There had been a huge contingent of American fans there, and it had to have been noticed. Debbie and Clara screamed it from the rooftops again, to anyone who would listen, that we desperately wanted to be included in another tour—if it ever came to fruition. They came home, and we waited. Again.

July 7, 2017

One article, posted on a very reputable site, said the words we were all waiting to hear for so very, very long.

A-ha was finally coming back to the USA.

A world tour announcement, including America.

I cried again. But this time, it was most definitely happy tears.

All our work, all our sacrifices—had finally paid off. Sacrifices, you ask? Yes. Our families sometimes got the shaft when we were hard at work making the collective voice of the USA fans be heard. We spent a lot, and I mean A LOT, of our time campaigning for everyone to get their fair change. No one paid us. We did what we did because, for every a-ha fan that has seen them in concert, there are ten who haven’t. Those of us who live in the USA have had a mere sliver of the opportunities others have been given to see them over the past thirty-plus years. We worked so very hard—and we did it for the fans.

So, here’s to the upcoming Summer 2018 World Tour.

We finally did it guys, we're so thankful that everyone appreciated our hard work, and here's to seeing a-ha on our shores!

Team AHaMortenUSA thanks each and every one of you for your support and encouragement over these last three years. And don’t worry, we’re not going anywhere just because there are finally tour announcements! We’re here to stay!

Keep up with us on social media!

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ahaUSA2015/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/AHaMortenUS2015

Tumblr: https://ahamortenusa2015.tumblr.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/scoundrel_days/

Website: https://www.ahamortenharketusa.com/

Petition: http://www.thepetitionsite.com/134/144/390/a-ha-morten-harket-usa-2015/

#a-ha #morten harket #magne furuholmen #paul waaktaar savoy #take on this!#it's back!#journeys #success #ahausa2018

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monsieur-darling-blog · 5 years

Text

The Taylor Swift Break Up Playlist

I remember the feelings stronger than the words that were said. Isn’t that how a breakup always goes? At twenty-nine, I’ve had my fair share of those. My first was when I was twenty-one. I threw a cellphone at my soon-to-be-ex’s head and told him I hoped he die. When I was twenty-six, I had another, more gut-wrenching than the first, where my boyfriend called to tell me he didn’t want to be with me any longer. He decided to dissolve our romance at his dentist’s office and couldn’t wait for me to get to my apartment and tell me in person. And then there were those relationships that just fizzled into nothingness, where no one got hurt or responded to a “Where do you want to get dinner?” text. But my most recent, which occurred less than twenty-four-hours ago, has left me in an emotional state I’ve never faced until now. I’ve been blindsided.

I met him as most people do: online. I swiped right because he was cute and mentioned that he liked red wine and Taylor Swift in his profile (I know, I’m fucking pathetic). I messaged him within the hour of our matching and asked him what his favorite song from each of Taylor’s albums is. He responded within another hour with his answer and asked for my own. I reviewed his picks carefully; after all, this was a potential mate. I should’ve noticed the negative signs radiating off my cellphone screen when he announced that his favorite song from Reputation was “So It Goes”. But I didn’t. Instead, I sent him mine. Just like that, our relationship progressed from online sexting to real, “see-you-in-a-bar” dates.

Our first date started on bad footing. The bar we planned to meet at was hosting a private event. So we walked awkwardly through the brownstone-lined streets of Boerum Hill, in search of a beer for me and vodka for him (he had an “allergy” to beer, another major red flag). We tried to make small talk. He decided to take me to some low-lit hipster bar, who’s name I can no longer recall. While we sat, we talked about our families and found conversation in our similarities: we were both one of six children, the only full-blooded from of our father’s, and lived in New England. The majority of my friends in New York hail from the West, so I haven’t been able to relate to someone about what it was like growing up in an quaint, Hallmark-card town until that moment. I admit, I was interested to learn more about him. We left the bar and meandered to another, where I proceeded to feel the tingle in my fingers and realized I was tipping off the edge of buzzed and into drunker territories. I can’t recall anything we spoke about at that place but I know that I was becoming intensely attracted to his sheer masculinity. He was tall, hairy, and had blue eyes and a husky voice. I wanted to bring him home that night just to see what he was working with. Instead, a took a Lyft and left him behind with nothing but a kiss to remember me by.

But, miraculously (by today’s dating standards, anyway), he texted me the next day. And then I texted him the day after that. And so on and so forth until we had been on multiple dates, all with mundane similarities. Dark bars: check. Getting drunk because we’re too awkward to have “real” conversation: check. Talking about nothing until we both forgot what the other had said: check. The only thing I can recall from this time period happened after I drunkenly stumbled out of a bathroom and took my seat beside him. We drank martinis after chugging a carafe of wine at dinner. I asked him about his corporate holiday party, which he had idiotically invited me to earlier that week. He said it was an enjoyable experience but mentioned that I had missed out. Then we had a true open-discussion, probably our first. I mentioned that it would be weird for someone he had just started hanging out with to be at his work party. He told me, “Well, I would’ve introduced you as my boyfriend” and shrugged, as though it were nothing.

That’s all it took for me to put things into high gear. He mentioned boyfriends and I was thought things were going to be serious. I don’t know why, I guess I’m crazy. He left that week for Christmas in Connecticut but we continued to text the entire time, mostly about mundane things like working from home and drinking with your family. Meanwhile, I was digging out little things he was saying, romanticizing these bullshit lines he was feeding me, such as, “Morning! Hope your days starting off alright with work. You make cranky look good btw”/“Wow this wasn’t what I expected but I love it and you’re adorable”/“Wow just making me more excited to see you soon good job” blah blah blah trash.

When he came back to New York, we made lunch plans. I trekked in a downpour to meet him in Tribeca at some shitty, overpriced Mexican restaurant so he could eat the majority of my meal and we could, once again, have timid conversation face to face. I asked him about coming to my apartment, or vice versa, something that we still hadn’t done, which I thought was super weird since we’d seen each other so regularly. If I’m your “boyfriend” to your coworkers, shouldn’t I at least see where you live? When I mentioned that I wanted him to come watch a movie, he tensed up and deflected from the question. It wasn’t until later in the day, after I escaped him and ran to the nearest bar to take a Fireball shot on my own, I got the nerve to mention that my feelings were kind of hurt. I asked him if he was into me. He said, “Yes I definitely am. Feel the same way?” Which I responded, “Yes, duh!”

Him:“Good! Mind if I ask why the random question?”

Me: “I kinda got the vibe when I brought up you coming to my apt that you weren’t really down.”

Him: “I’ll be honest I just got a bit nervous about it because i want to and I know we talked about it before and going to each other’s places etc but I did and do and will but in an effort to try and play it cool at fear of saying something dub I came off as uninterested and I’m sorry I made you feel that way :) like I said I’m very interested in you.”

Me: “Well no worries I don’t think anything you say is dumb”

^^^^ PROBABLY THE DUMBEST THING I COULD SAY ^^^^

Me (cont.): “And I def don’t want to put pressure on you, but I just wanted to make sure you’re into me like I am into you.”

Him: “You’re not putting pressure and if anything I appreciate you asking to make sure, I would do the same thing. Can definitely say we’re into each other because I know I’m really into you. Hence the movie hangs this weekend and whatever happens to our NYE”

Me: “Lame ass Emojis… okay! Thank you for saying that. I can’t wait for NYE with you.”

Him: “Of course and neither can I honestly it’ll be fun and very cute.”

Cut to Saturday night. He came over so we could watch “A Simple Favor.” We watched in near silence, but once the movie eventually ended, we moved to my bedroom and took our clothes off. I knew he was a top (because, like a real class act, he put it in his tinder bio) and normally so am I. I thought the wine would help prepare me to bottom, but I noticed it was wearing off and I flat out told him that I wasn’t drunk enough to fuck. I, being the gentleman that I am, said that I respected him and all that shit that I didn’t actually think just so I wouldn’t have to deal with the repercussion of having something shoved inside me, and the painful morning it would bring. Thankfully, he let it slide and we just grouped each other. I don’t know if it was because we were naked on my bed, but I definitely became more uninhibited and we discussed our New Year’s Eve plans. I mentioned that I would call him my boyfriend to my friends and he smiled and said okay. I wanted to be in something real, something validated, a relationship, and as a twenty-nine-year-old I feel one hundred percent okay with wanting something serious. He decided not to sleep over because I had to get up at 7:30 in the morning. Another red flag, maybe? At this point, I think I just chose to ignore them.

Then it was the big New Year’s Eve night. It was raining again, but that didn’t dim my shine. On the contrary, I was wearing the most ridiculous sequined blazer that I scored over Christmas, along with a pair of sparkly Jimmy Choo’s. I looked like I stepped off the low brow version of a Balmain runway. Earlier that day, we discussed Taylor’s new Netflix special. We couldn’t wait for the night to commence. I was excited to be out and about with my new man, proudly showing him off to everyone, like an extension of my blinged out accessorizing. He looked good, for the most part. In a turtleneck and blazer he whipped up the grossest martini I’ve ever consumed (waaaaay too heavy on the vermouth) but like the perfect fucking “boyfriend” I swallowed that shit down and said it was fine. He threw on a yellow glittery hat that I should’ve thought looked stupid but instead decided was cute. We stepped out into the night and landed at one of my best friend’s apartments, only two blocks away.

I consciously decided to introduce him by name to everyone, rather than “boyfriend” because I felt weird about it. But as the hour ticked by, and I tossed back more Bud Light’s, I once again felt lowered in my inhibitions. A friend of a friend pointed to him while I was grabbing another drink from the refrigerator and said, “Who’s that guy in the yellow hat?” And then I tried it out, probably from jealousy, but also because I really wanted to claim him as mine. I said, “That’s my boyfriend. Do you want to me him?” Not realizing that I was probably weirding the guy out. When I brought him over, they exchanged formalities, and the friend of a friend immediately left for another party, probably because I embarrassed him. My bad.

“My boyfriend” wanted to go to his sister's New Year party to watch the ball drop. I felt ridiculously uncomfortable meeting his family this early on, but it was something he wanted to do, so I decided to bite my tongue and say that I was fine with it. It was very low-key, a group of people either my age or a little older, around a cheese plate. I tried my hardest to be social and polite, engaging these people in the stories about their lives, telling me things that I would probably forget about come morning time.

And after the ball dropped (on a delay) and I got my New Year’s Kiss, we proceeded to yet another party, this time with his friend’s rather than relatives. We stood beside each other the entire time, snapping pics, talking to the other guests, holding hands, ringing in the New Year. I was happy to be around him and excited for all the good things that were coming in 2019, potentially with him. I passed out in his bed and when I woke up, I harassed him while he continued to nod off, cuddling him, trying to squeeze him so tightly that he could physically feel how happy I was to be there. He giggled, got me Advil, kissed me, and things felt good. We walked to a cafe for bagels and while we sat at the window, I saw his face change. He wasn’t smiling anymore. It was like something had dawned on him and I immediately became worried. My own hangover started to kick back in, so I told myself I was being paranoid. I walked to Atlantic Avenue, took the train home, and took two huge bong rips. When I resurfaced from my self-inflicted coma, hours later, everything had changed.

For three days, I felt super paranoid. I couldn’t shake the feeling, no matter how much I smoked or how much wine I drank. He stopped texting me good morning. He seemed uninterested in how my day was going or what my plans were. Something was off and I went to my two best friends for advice. They both said I needed to take a step back and breathe: everything was fine. I tried that. We made plans for Saturday night. We’d hang out at one of our apartments. He didn’t seem all that interested in though, so I said we would hang only if he wanted to. He told me it’d “be good” to see me which I overanalyzed, took as something that he didn’t actually want to do, and started to feel like things were falling apart. But then on Friday, I caved and texted him. I told him that I hoped he was having a good day. He reciprocated in the way he used to. He was animated. He punctuated everything with an exclamation mark for crying out loud! He asked me if I wanted to meet him for a drink. We’d check out Ward III in Tribeca after we finished working. I was elated. I even told one of my friends that I was no longer worried, everything was fine, he wanted to hang out again. Whew.

So at 7:00 I walked down West Broadway until I finally hit Reade Street. I knew the route well, it’s right near one of my train stops. I waited for him outside for nearly fifteen minutes, listening to SZA, wishing I had a cigarette. When he finally showed up, he kissed me. We walked into the bar and he ordered drinks. That’s when things started to become a blur. He was aggressive, terse in his words, and I called him out on it. His teeth were dark: he had drank wine at work before he came to meet me. I asked him if everything was okay. He said they were. I mentioned our plans for the next day and he said, “Well, we’ll see what mood I’m in.” I started to get irritated so I asked, “Well do you even want to hang out?”

He smiled and said, “No.” My stomach dropped. My intuition was confirmed. He didn’t want to see me. I asked him why. He said, “I brought you here to talk about that. I don’t think I’m ready to be in a relationship.” I asked him why again. I can’t remember how many times I asked him why. He gave me the same stupid excuses of the men who get scared of commitment. He felt things were getting too intense. I mentioned that he was the one that brought up exclusivity to begin with. He said he wasn’t. I reminded him of the time he brought up us being boyfriends. He said that he didn’t know what else to say. I asked him why he didn’t just tell me before New Years, before I had told people that we were together, before I made myself look like a fucking idiot. His response was that he couldn’t do it when I brought it up on my own because we were both naked in my bed. “What was I supposed to do? Put my pants on and leave?” Yes. That’s exactly what you should’ve done. It would’ve been less awkward then telling me in a packed bar, where people were looking at us, seeing me flail my arms in exasperation, trying to get him to tell me the truth, trying to cling to any feelings he might still have for me. I asked if there was another person. He said no, but I don’t believe him. I asked him what had changed in three days. He kept saying his own feelings. I desperately asked if he wanted to hang out again. He said that he bought me a beer and we could still hang out as friends tonight. I got angry, chugged the beer he bought me, snatched my backpack from the floor, and ran out of the bar, towards the train and tried to remember everything he had said, but it appeared that my sudden heartbreak had clouded all the terrible words he had said. I couldn’t believe what had transpired. I felt like I wasted so much time (really only a month), thinking things were going so well because he couldn’t be a decent person and be honest with me from the get-go. I couldn’t believe that he was laughing at me, making me sound like everything was in my head, even though I knew it wasn’t.

I know he had feelings for me. That was obvious. But I couldn’t believe how cruel he had become in those fifteen minutes. It was like he switched personalities, Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde style. I was incapable of really listening to what he was saying, instead choosing to hear the things that he wasn’t. He said it was all on him. I knew it was actually all because of me. I got home, turned on all the lights in my apartment, and threw on a movie. I waited until my roommates came home before I told them the story of what happened, why I was already drunk from a giant bottle of Malbec. They listened to me, like all loyal people do, and said all the things good friends say: that he was just an idiot, that I dodged a bullet, that they could tell we were both getting ahead of ourselves. I was still sad, though. But when my roommate grabbed my face with his hands and smacked me, lightly, across the face, telling me to “Take a walk and write about it,” I knew that I had two options. I could revel in sadness over another failed attempt at romance. Or I could get my shit together and take the last month for what it was: another feeble attempt at dating in New York.

The next morning, I got out of bed. Sadness still lingered in my body but it was replaced by something stronger. I felt angry and stupid. Time and time again, I tell myself not to get attached too easy. Whenever I start something new, I try not to over analyze anything. With him, I did good. I made progress compared to my other, more all-consuming romances. I didn’t mention him or our “relationship” to anyone until the week leading up to New Years. I let it be something fun and personal with no expectation. But I took his kinder words to heart and that’s where the confusion began. I went for a walk this morning. I searched on my Spotify account for a specific album. It was Taylor Swift’s “Red.” I hit play on “State of Grace” and started walking down the sidewalk. My initial decision was to go to the Co-Op in my neighborhood and get groceries. Instead, I walked past it. I walked to the park. I walked past the park to Park Slope. I walked past Park Slope to Atlantic-Barclays, where I turned towards the East and knew he was probably laying around, hoping he was thinking about me, realizing he probably wasn’t. I walked further. I ended up walking for five miles, all the way to my train’s first stop in Brooklyn. I listened to “Red” in it’s entirety, then switched to “1989″ and listened to all of that, and then most of “Reputation” and tried to garner truth from Taylor’s words. I was annoyed that he ruined one of my favorite artists for me. Now, whenever I’d hear one of her songs, I’d think of him. But I also let the sadness envelope me. I needed to feel these things in order to make real progress towards discovering things about myself I didn’t want to confront: my neediness, my desire to be in something with substance, the comfort of feeling a warm body beside my own, all in all my motivation to find love in a place I’m starting to think doesn’t exist.

I waited for the Q to take me back home where I could compile my thoughts and write this essay. I don’t know if the things I’ve learned about myself from him will stick. The small wound in my gut is still too fresh. So what I can take from this short-lived fling are the fuzzy memories of prospect. Now, I’m stuck thinking about the way the electricity between people can ignite and implode. I hope that I will feel the spark again, with someone better, more mature, and that the feeling will stay.

#writing #writer #long reads #romance #breakup #lgbt #personal essay #essay

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