kuroopaisen

[kuroopaisen]

diluc takes a tumble, and you take it upon yourself to patch him up.

it’s not that diluc’s against healers. he’s well-aware that they serve a very important function, and that their talents should not go unappreciated. but as much as he knows that, and as much as he understands that being in top form is essential for what he does of an evening, he still won’t go to one.

he just doesn’t like making a fuss.

besides, he’s only got a few cuts and bruises. chances are they’d heal in a few days anyway – and to avoid any questions, he could just hole up in the winery. occasional hermitage isn’t unusual for him, nor would anyone think it strange. so while it’s more than he usually comes away with, he thinks it’s nothing to get worked up about.

you disagree.

he hadn’t expected you to be here, nor had any of the staff alerted him to your arrival. he'd found you poking around the foyer when he got home, slick with sweat and bush branches tangled in his hair. in any other circumstance, he would have found the wide-eyed surprise on your face endearing. but as it was immediately followed up with fuss, he resigned instead to a feeling of mild displeasure.

“it’s unusual for you to be bested,” you muse, dabbing gently at the graze on his chin. “should monstadt start panicking?”

somehow, you’d sat him down in a chair upstairs and gathered a makeshift medical kit from various places in the building. diluc doesn’t even know where you’d managed to find all these things. he’s also not sure if you’ve got any medical prowess to boast of. 

“i wasn’t bested,” diluc mumbles, doing everything within his power to stop himself from looking at your face. he thinks he might burn up otherwise. “i… tripped.”

“you tripped?” you sound like you didn’t believe him.

“yes,” diluc says, with the reticence of a man nursing a deep concern for his honour, “i tripped over some branches lying around the hilichurl encampment.”

“you got all these cuts and bruises from a couple of branches?” you’re growing more skeptical by the minute.

there’s a long silence, heavy with your disbelief. 

“their camp was right next to a cliff,” he admits. “so, as you can imagine…”

“you fell off a cliff?” your jaw drops.

“yes,” he says, stoutly.

you laugh. it starts small, a little chuckle you seem to be keeping to yourself, but then it blossoms, loud and raucous and likely noisy enough to give his staff cause for concern. it startles him – he’s never seen you like this, eyes squeezed shut  as you’re keeled over, a fist pressed to your mouth as though you’re trying to stuff the laughter back inside. it almost feels like a mockery of some kind, but he struggles to articulate how. 

yet something in diluc’s heart stirs. something strange, something new, something he hasn’t let himself give in to. he’s felt it before, but he’s never let it take shape, never let himself dwell on it. such feelings are dangerous – distractions at best and a hinderance at worst. or, that’s what he likes to tell himself. it’s a good a reason as any to keep them to himself, shoved as far back in his chest as possible. 

“what’s so funny?” he asks. his cheeks feel hot, and he’s becoming less sure he likes the sound of your laughter. 

“it’s just the thought of you—you tumbling—” you’re still giggling as you try to speak, cheeks round and eyes sparkling as you look at him.

he still doesn’t understand why you find it so amusing. if you were to go tumbling off the side of a cliff, he couldn’t imagine himself finding such humour in it. but perhaps that’s because you yourself would laugh it off. you’ve never taken yourself too seriously, and he’s well aware of his reputation as a man with little mirth. 

he thinks, in passing, that he would like to make you laugh more. but, he hasn’t the first idea how (and he has no intention of tumbling off any more cliffs). for now he lets you wear yourself out, waiting (impatiently) for you to regain your composure. 

“i’m sorry,” you say as you take a deep breath, “the visual was just… just too much.” 

diluc has nothing to say to that. he just grimaces, clenching his gloved fists in his lap. 

your eyes are already back on his face, carefully looking for any unattended scrapes. “besides, i’m just glad you’re okay.” 

he’s startled for the second time tonight. you sounded so… sincere, as you said it. and you’d said it like it was nothing – but to him, such small words… he knows there’s still people who worry about him – if he got seriously injured, jean would surely have a panic, and while kaeya was a problem all of his own, diluc was sure he would have at least a little worry in his heart. but to have someone say it to his face, with no worries about how he might perceive or it how appropriate it may be… it’s exhilarating. 

and diluc thinks it’s stupid that he’s so worked up about it. 

“don’t waste your time worrying about me,” he mumbles. he’s sure you can feel the heat emanating off him. 

“i know you’re more than capable of taking yourself,” you hum with a smile. “but that’s not going to stop me worrying about you.” 

diluc mumbles something incoherent. even he’s not quite sure what he meant to say. 

that tugging in his chest won’t stop. but what was he supposed to do? you are one of the few people he can truly call friend – and of all the people he knows, you aren’t imbricated in the trauma of his past. your opinion of him isn’t coloured by who he used to be. there’s a freedom, a space to breathe in your relationship. you don’t pity him in the slightest, because you weren’t there. you remind him of the dawn, all gentle light and hope. 

how would you respond, if he dared tell you that your touch made him feel like he might implode? if he admitted to wanting to lean into your touch? 

he’s not brave enough for that. what if you found the thought repulsive? what if such an admission would permanently fracture the relationship you had? diluc is used to taking calculated risks – but this is one area he has no confidence in.

for now, he just wants to relish in this moment, as much as your touch makes him feel like he’s about to fall apart. 

for now, this tenderness is enough.

#diluc x reader #diluc ragnivindr x reader #diluc x y/n #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #diluc ragnvindr #diluc #some parts of the fandom are determined to mischaracterise him as an edgelord but not me #not me! #anyway i love diluc #it's been a while since i've written fanfic #i feel RUSTY #but genshin brainrot is real #i may or may not have a kuroo piece in the works #thank you furudate for feeding me with that oneshot

[kuroopaisen]

diluc as mr darcy brainrot i can’t stop thinking about it

#yes i play genshin now #hyperfixation of the quarter flkfjl #anyway i've seen your kind messages & i'm very grateful #thank you for still reading my stuff even though i've been gone a really long time #i also hope you're all keeping safe and well #i'm currently sick with the spicy cough so-- #ANYWAY #rowan rambles #(i haven't used that tag in ages FDLKJSDLKJ0

[kuroopaisen]

Wanna punch a Nazi?

Can’t help you there, but you can do something in solidarity with Jewish people.

#haven't been on the blog for a long time but this really pisses me off #so if you're in the us please sign for me :( #this is a disgrace

[kuroopaisen]

💕

#sometimes i log onto tumblr bc this is still connected to my main account #and the fact that i still have people reading reblogging and commenting on my stuff #and the occasional ask too #makes my heart so full #thank you to everyone who is still consuming my work even though i'm not active these days #coming back to take a peek has been rlly good for helping me through ruts and i appreciate that more than words can say

[kuroopaisen]

Hi there. I saw your post and just wanted to send my love and appreciation towards you for all the works you've written. A lot of them are comfort fics that I come back and read often. You've always been kind and responsive towards the comments Ive made, and really made a safe space here. I hope that you're able to find your love for writing again. I'd love to talk about your original work sometime, and I'd love to share my discord with you if you happen to be interested. No pressure though :) much love and good vibes your way <3

oh i would love to exchange discords with you my dear :( i’ve appreciated your comments and asks so, so much, and your little frog icon (whether it be an actual frog or mr kermit himself) would always bring a little smile to my face when i saw it in my notifs. i’m glad my fics could provide you with some comfort and that my blog is somewhere you’ve felt safe. for me personally, that’s the main thing i want to achieve with what i do :’) 

#mysterypotatoink #rowan replies

[kuroopaisen]

Hi Rowan! You don't have to answer, please don't feel pressured! I just came to say that I am in love with your writing. You ARE talented, far more talented than you think, and it's obvious to anyone who reads your stories. I am in love with your style, I am in love with how you portray characters, I am in love with your stories, I am in LOVE. Your content is amazing and beautiful. But in the end, YOU are the most important part of it. So, I wish you that you fall in love with your writing again

YOU’RE SO SWEET I’M GONNA EAT MY WHOLE FIST FDLKJFDS in all honesty i’ve never liked my own writing (i...... i didn’t even proofread my stuff because i couldn’t stand reading it fsdlkjfd i just put it out to the world and hoped for the best), and i hope that one day i can see some merit in it. but i can’t thank you enough for your kind words :( they go so much further than you could ever know, and i appreciate the fact that you took time out of your day just to say something kind to me T-T 

#xmyshya #rowan replies

[kuroopaisen]

Thank you for your fanfics. It was really refreshing to see well-written sfw, not dc content (cuz I’m not comfortable reading those). I wish you the best in pursuing your writing. Maybe someday I’ll even get to read your published writing, hahaha! Please take care of yourself mentally and physically! (PS. I know we’ve never really talked, but I enjoy listening to people talk about their passions, so if you wanna talk about writing I’m up for exchanging discords)

thank you for your support :( HHHHH here’s hoping i actually get published (and am reasonably successful) so i’m not sitting here talking out of my ass and looking like a right prick. i’m doing my best to look after myself (first step is hydrating and making sure i’m brushing my teeth every night dflkfd)

my discord is rowan#8893 if you wanted to add me :’) but be wared, i am Quite the rambler 

#rainydayhaze #rowan replies

[kuroopaisen]

Hello Rowan! I’m so glad you decided to take a break from tumblr to rest :) Actually, to me, your writings are so much better than some of the ones that are ‘popular’. I once sent an ask about how you made my 2020 better, and it really did :D And I think you mentioned something about your birthday so happy birthday! don’t forget to drink water :’)

thank you so much :( i’m glad i could make your 2020 more bearable! it’s my birthday on the 12th of june, so it’s not too far away (also if anyone’s seeing this please wish @/kuroolongtea a happy birthday :’) she Ages today) 

and hhhhhh do not worry, i don’t think ren would ever let me forget to stay hydrated 

#anon #rowan replies

[kuroopaisen]

Hi! It's only been pretty recently (not more than a few weeks, I believe?) since I found you. Your works have been comforting, and you've always had a knack into adding warmth into your pieces. This is how I feel about you and your art, and I hope you know that your readers appreciate you. Nevertheless, the standard for improvement & the idea of a "goal" is always something only one's self can truly answer (or bother themselves with) and your decision is perfectly understandable. I just hope it didn't sadden you too much.

Anyway, since I dont know much I can't keep yapping on :')) I just wanted to go on anon to tell you how thankful I am for you the art you shared with us for a while - and how relieved I was that you would still put this blog up as I still want to go through your masterlist (uni sucks </3). Thank you!! I wish you all the best in your future endeavors and whilst I do wish to have interacted more (this is my first with u :'(( we could've been friends ngl 🥺 lololol jk i hope this isn't invasive), I'm glad that I was still able to have met (?) you during your active stay here on tumblr. Stay well, and take care always. 🤍

i just think life is full of so many pockets of warmth and that our relationships with others are so precious and UGH. i love writing because i get to express that and explore it and i’m just so T-T your point about standard for improvement is a good one though, and honestly i think taking some time away from tumblr will definitely help me articulate my personal standard (since a lot of people here are writing purely for the fun of it and without any goals outside of fanfiction -- which is fine! but it means we expect different things from ourselves)

hhhh i don’t know much of anything either and i keep yapping on regardless :’) but no, thank you for your support and the time you’ve taken to read my stuff. and sfdlkjfls no don’t worry it’s not invasive! you can add me on discord if you’d like (rowan#8893). i feel as though i have a very Specific personality, but i do love getting to know people and making friends. so if you feel comfortable doing, so please feel free to reach out!

#anon #rowan replies

[kuroopaisen]

hey rowan! i saw ur post about leaving tumblr and i just wanted to say that ur works here have always been my favorite. ive been reading ur works for a while and all of them have brought me so much joy! as much as i enjoy the kind of style and prose that gets popular on here, i just personally prefer works like urs that just tell it how it is? i feel like it comes across as more sincere and endearing. plus the way u portray these characters and articulate their thoughts and feelings its just—UGHHH ITS SO GOOD!! the plots?! the dynamics?! i love them. u have contributed so much to this community and ur writing is just awesome. take all the time u need!

BLESS YOU ANON THANK YOU... i’m so glad i could bring you some joy alkjfdfdlk god knows we need it. my writing style has always been.... simple, i suppose? but a lot of it comes down to my desire to write something authentic (which is a double-edged sword, but that’s a whole different conversation). i really don’t feel like i’ve contributed much but i’m glad you think so :’) thank you for your support! 

#anon #rowan replies

[kuroopaisen]

It's okay if you wanna quit! Don't feel pressured about it, as your followers will always respect what you choose to do because it's best for you🥰

I am really glad I found your blog and I got to read your stories because they are really good

But again, do what it's best for you and take your time! And take care! 💕😆

-❄

hello darling snowflake anon :( thank you for your messages and for taking the time of your day to speak with me! 

i’ll take care as best i can (and as best as my final year of uni will allow), and i only ask that you do the same :( 

#❄ anon #anon #rowan replies

[kuroopaisen]

hi there!! i know i haven’t spoken much to you but i have interacted with your work tons, but i’m actually gonna miss you sm now that you’re gonna leave tumblr. i’ve found you to be one of the best hq writers out there after discovering tiny love and legit all of your kuroo fics,,,but if it’s for the best than it’s for the best! i hope you find your happiness again and that your passion for writing will continue to flourish, whether that be in fictional work or fan fiction

remember that you owe no one anything and if that means prioritising your health and happiness for the sake of content, then so be it. to be really fucking honest tho i have my notifs on for you so if you do come back, i’ll also come running with so much love and support istg

good luck rowan! 💕💕💕

(i said i’d answer these yesterday but i was befallen by the Moon Sickness and ended up just lying in bed feeling sorry for myself all day but AnYwAy--) 

thank you so much, you’re too kind :( it’s you mention tiny love because i personally see that fic as one fo the downfalls for my self-esteem and i cringe whenever i think about it, but you know what? at least you enjoyed it. 

i hope that i can find my passion for writing again as well :’) losing it has been. very painful, but i’m sure i can find it again. 

thank you so much for your words and for reading my stuff. maybe i’ll be back one day, and if i am, i hope we cross paths once more <3 

#anon #rowan replies

[kuroopaisen]

hi. i wrote a much longer and emotionally charged rant when i was in the thick of it with my feelings, but i’m going to put out a more measured version of that here. that being said, it’s still… really fucking long. 

long story short, i’m quitting tumblr. at least for a while. i’m not sure if i’ll be back or when, but it’s just not a healthy environment for me anymore. it’s not fun. writing is a hobby, but it’s also something i’d like to actually pursue; and i’m so sick and tired of feeling like i’m inadequate or i’ll never be a successful writer because i’m not popular in hq x reader fanfiction circles (and yet some people might think that i have no right to complain since i occasionally get Notes TM, but i guess everyone’s metrics are different).

i also feel like i’ve actually regressed as a writer during my time here, and i almost regret pouring so much time into this blog while having nothing to show for it in terms of my skills. a lot of what’s popular on tumblr is style over substance, which is a terrible habit to develop if you ever want to write outside of a fanfic context. the fact that i feel like i’m a weak writer because my prose isn’t pretty enough is absurd. furthermore, how can i develop my own style and sense of self as a writer if i’m always down because the people here don’t wanna read my stuff? it’s suffocating, stagnating, and it’s done me far more harm than good.

i’m tired of being stressed because i haven’t produced Content TM in a while and therefore i feel as though i’m becoming Irrelevant, even though that’s so stupid because this is haikyuu x reader tumblr. it’s literally not that deep and yet i make it that deep all the fucking time. i know it’s a me problem; i really, really do. i know nobody else is responsible for how i feel or how i interpret things. but i am just so tired of feeling like a failure, or feeling like i don’t deserve to have the friends i do because they’re markedly more talented than me, of feeling like my writing will never amount to anything because my fanfiction doesn’t get popular. and if that’s my headspace, the kindest thing i can do for myself is remove myself from the environment that’s causing it. 

i know i have a series sitting unfinished, and i’m really sorry about that. if i do decide to come back, i think i’ll be taking a month-long break at least (or perhaps three weeks – depends if i want to do anything for my birthday fdlkjfsdlk). i’m still not sure if i’ll still pop in to answer any potential asks or whatnot, but i won’t be posting content for a while. i want to focus on my original work and remind myself why i love writing in the first place. 

i know this is all very dramatic (don’t worry, i am in therapy, although not for this specifically), but unfortunately i’m the sort of person who takes many things far too seriously. i’m not completely disappearing (i’ll stay on discord ofc, so if we’re friends or you’d like to reach out over there i am very receptive to that), and i’ll probably keep posting on ao3 if the urge to write fanfiction grips me. 

but yeah. thanks for reading this if you got all the way through it, and thanks for giving my silly little blog a chance. take care of yourselves. 

#queuing this because of timezones #i'm not sure where my followers are based around the world but #there's a chance you might not have seen it when i first posted it #and if you tried looking for my blog these last few days it would've looked like i deleted it fdkldjf #which i didn't #and i won't #the blog will stay up #but yeah #i'm mentally ill <3 #DSLKJSDLKSJD there are still some asks left for me to respond to #and i will! #i'm just Very Tired so i will get to it in the morning #(aka a few hours after this is queued to post i think)

[kuroopaisen]

hihi rowan i’ve always been a silent reader but i’ve always loved your writing, from tiny love and cause & effect, to little changes and the in-between. i’ve always appreciated how your work was more plot driven and your (many) series always felt like an indulgent treat to me. from the gentle love with kuroo from the in-between, the angsty vice grip tiny love had on my heart when oikawa found out about the relationship, the wholeness i felt with atsumu’s first “i love you” in the epilogue of little changes, to how romantic 10:20pm (akaashi keiji) was, & more, you’ve always created such special moments that will i always think about.

that being said, your concerns and your views are valid. you aren’t being dramatic at all. please take all the time you need to step away from tumblr if you have to. if you do ever continue to post on ao3, i will gladly continue to read it all! (you could write something only using vowels and i would use all the energy in my tiny brain™️ to decipher it, i could spend ages analyzing every little thing in your work (jin & yuki are no stranger to my ramblings)) at the end of the day though, it should be you who is satisfied with what you’ve written. thank you for always writing such special pieces. i hope your break helps you feel a little bit more whole again and that you reignite that spark. please take care of yourself and to stay happy, healthy, & hydrated💖

ps if you like cats please watch<3 (please watch even if you don’t like cats!)

SHUT UP I’M GONNA EAT MY ENTIRE FIST I’M GONNA DKFLJFLDKJFDLKJFDS I’M LYING FACE DOWN IN THE DIRT (as jin would say, OTL -- and as meg would say, *insert image of cat gnawing on exposed cords) 

and thank you :( i think........ the general consensus is that we shouldn’t take this sort of thing too seriously and i definitely agree, but then when you do end up feeling like this it’s. hard to forgive yourself for that fdlkjfd but alas i am a sensitive person and I Care Too Much about things that i shouldn’t be so. hurt by!! part of me just misses the joy and excitement of writing a story because i’m excited about it and because i’m having fun; i feel like returning to that would do me a world of good :’) 

HH AND STOP SOMEONE WRITTEN ENTIRELY IN VOWELS... someone’s probably written that poem tbh i wouldn’t be surprised 

ALSO I LOVE CATS HIS MOTOR IS SO LOUD... AND HIS MEOW SO DELICATE AND HIS LIL MISSING EAR TIP I’M GONNA CRY 

#anon #rowan replies

[kuroopaisen]

hello!

i'm sorry that you feel this way about your writing. you're one of my favorite writers in the hq fandom, and i think your works are amazing! but what you feel is valid, especially since writing is something you want to pursue beyond fandom spaces. so please do what you think is best for you!

i also want to thank you for your contributions to the fandom, and giving us the privilege and opportunity to read your works and let us experience an alternate reality through them. ♥️

but i want to ask if you will be keeping this blog up? i actually reread your works from time to time :) but if not, i can understand that! :D

anyway, i wish you all the best. ily!! 💗

hello anon!! thank you so much :( i know that the only person holding me to these standards is myself and that i probably don’t have the most ‘objective’ perspective on my own writing. i don’t say i have an unrelenting expectations schema for nothing <3 FSLJKFDLKJD i’m just gonna blame it on being put into a gifted stream as a kid (i am mostly joking)

but thank you so much for your kind words and for reading my work. i am very silly but i’m earnest! i’m doing my best! 

and yes, i’m leaving the blog up! there’s a lot on it that i still cherish (and the lovely comments and asks people left), and i have no reason to delete it. but you can also bookmark my ao3 too, since that’s definitely gonna stay up. 

#anon #rowan replies

[kuroopaisen]

Hi Rowan! I saw your post about leaving Tumblr. I understand how you feel as well since I also write sfw and try to write with more substance too. I know I haven't interacted with you much, but if you want to keep in touch, I can share my discord. (I don't want it posted publicly lol.) I just thought it would be cool to have someone to talk to who is more serious about writing. (I'm not aiming to be a pro writer but I do like improving.) So yeah... Just throwing out that offer. :)

hello mimi dearest thank you for your message :( writing is hard but it can be so fulfilling and beautiful and cathartic and ugh. there’s just. so much good in it and it’s very easy to forget that when on tumblr. and listen i love talking about writing with people i must come off as so obnoxious but at this point i’ve just. accepted it you know? it is what it is. 

i’d love to share discords!! you can either send in an ask i won’t post or dm me @/rowann. 

#mimi cee hq #rowan replies

[kuroopaisen]

Hi Rowan

Your health and well-being is your priority and I just wanted to swing by and say thank you for your contribution to the HQ x Reader content, your fics are my comfort reading and I think you’re super talented! I will continue to reread all your works and will keep an eye out on Ao3!

I hope you keep safe and well and thank you again! One of my absolute fave writers on here ❤️

thank you anon :( i’m glad my fics could provide you a little comfort! that’s the main thing i want to achieve with my writing, either in fanfiction or my original work. i can’t make any promises about ao3 but i wouldn’t be surprised if my love for these 2d characters overrides my inferiority complex one day :’) 

i’m keeping safe as best i can! i hope you’re taking care of yourself as well <3 

#anon #rowan replies