#and as a person from a religious background who now identifies as agnostic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

olderthannetfic · 2 years

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Anon, the only anons here "using minority communities as a cudgel to argue that any anti-christian rhetoric is a call for genocide." Are by one, singular, indigenous Assyrian who happens to be me, talking about my own community and our own genocide. That I personally lived through. That was a personal account. The genocide itself was religiously motivated (again, literally wrote ن/N for Nazarene on our homes. Literally crucified us. We cannot make this clearer.) and has caused my community, you know, indigenous Assyrians, to be overwhelmingly killed and for the majority of us to be in diaspora where pre-genocide we primarily resided in Iraq. I am not "using minority communities" I am speaking of my own community, in a personal account of something that has actually happened and that I've lived through.

Also I have no problem with atheists, my father is atheist, I personally am agnostic. My problem is with anti-theism which seeks to eradicate religion. Which does tend to affect us regardless of our personal faith.

We still got hatecrimed and targeted on the basis of being "Christian" regardless of our personal faith. Because oppression doesn't work by having someone ask you your religion then hate crime you.

And yes, our ethnicity is very much linked to our religious identity. That's not by choice, that's by how oppression against us works. When people call your language "speaking christian" you've long since crossed that line.

Also, again, despite my personal faith being agnostic. I still identify with christianity as a part of my heritage, culture and identity. It is intrinsically tied to who I am, not because I'm religious but because I am, regardless of what I do or believe, socially perceived as christian (back in Iraq, at least) and that's affected me growing up.

And because our community hubs were churches. You want to learn how to write syriac? You go to church. Hell, beyond that, our churches used to offer lecture, tutoring in various subjects (math, science, arabic etc.) organise community gatherings, trips, host cultural events. You know, the whole deal.

Also my specific experience with christianity was different. Our church hosted lectures on the historical context within the bible and on theology, we were encouraged to discuss and debate theology — of which included the divine nature of God, whether or not he existed, a plethora of biblical interpretations, our personal interpretations of the text and just... all of that.

As far as I'm aware, this was standard for Assyrian churches, at least in Mosul.

So I'm agnostic, but I identify with "christian" because I am culturally christian and that experience is deeply interwined with my identity and who I am as a person.

That experience includes genocide, and includes my house being set on fire when I was an immigrant in Jordan. It very much includes my classmates calling me "kafera" and the intergenerational trauma my family carried from previous genocides and massacres.

Because religion is identity, and people don't bother checking your faith before they hate crime you.

Here in Australia, I've found myself receiving unsavoury comments under the assumptions that I'm Muslim or come from a Muslim family, due to being visibly middle eastern. Now, I imagine people who do grow up in Muslim families in Australia would also find it hard to let go of the "label" Muslim should they be atheistic or adhere to another faith due to how that experience, being a part of a marginalised community, affected them and shaped a huge part of their identity. Not pulling that out of my ass either, I personally know a pagan Muslim friend who struggles with this, that is juggling two huge parts of her identity. In the end, she decided to still identify as Muslim culturally even if she wasnt Muslim religiously.

As someone from a similar background, that makes sense to me. I chose the same, after all.

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purlty23 · 2 months

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Hmm, I will admit when I started to listen to Ghost I was a little scared of what might happen to me because Satanism in media and from what I've heard from Christian religious backgrounds (and family) is quite intense. However, I have a complicated relationship with religion. Thinking about Christianity too long actually makes me feel physically ill and I keep thinking about the Muslim religion (other side of family is) because my experience with it has been positive and non forceful. But I identify as agnostic, believe in past lives and karma etc. So it took me a while to fully embrace Ghost as a band (and now I own so many shirts, both Plushia and Popia Plush, the Secondo eye shadow palette, one of the era IV nameless Ghoul masks hanging on my wall etc)

When I think of Satan now, I prefer to think of him as a fictional symbol of resiliency perhaps? Or honestly, just some guy who felt scorned and betrayed and confused as to why he was tossed from the Heavens. I don't think that asking questions about creationism or becoming jealous is inherently evil. I think I am too inspired by his depiction/reimagining in Paradise Lost than I am legitimate religious texts. Baphomet is an interesting creature ripped from Islamaphobes and I like the androgynous appearance. This is sort of a ramble but regardless of religion or belief systems I always stay an arm lengths away for my own safety.

Anyways, those are just my beliefs that people might argue against but shouldn't, by any means, take seriously as my opinion shouldn't be considered fact :3

When it comes to any religious beliefs I fully believe they should never be argued, whether the beliefs are intense or non-existent! It’s always actions and your effect on your environment, your community, and yourself that matter in the long run. The truth of the matter is none of it can be taken as fact!

I’m ashamed to say I’m not nearly as up to snuff on Islamic practices or scripture as I’d like to be. If anyone has any resources, please feel free to let me know!

I’m really happy to hear you have a good head on your shoulder when it comes to whats best for you. Keeping away from things that could worsen your wellbeing in anyway can be difficult, and with religion it can be tough to tell what’s hindering/hurting you and what’s benefiting you. You certainly aren’t the first person I’ve spoken with whose felt unsettled, upset by, or generally hesitant towards Ghost’s VERY outspoken praise for Satan. I’m happy you could contextualize it in a way that makes you happy! Nowadays, Satan (not to mention many others) is just as much a fictional icon as he is a religious icon

#answers #Cw religion

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amayasnep · 6 months

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Exploring Belief – A Post I Spent Way Too Much Time Writing

I figure its a good moment to share my thoughts on some of the exploration I've been engaged in for well over a year now.

Background

So to keep things super brief, I had a predominantly secular upbringing with a dash of Christianity thrown in there because that's how American society be. Religious activities like baptism and first communion were performed not out of a profound sense of belief, but out of tradition and practicality. It kept different avenues open for me to figure out on my own. I never regularly attended church and vacation bible study was a glorified summer camp. That's not to say I didn't internalize what I was being taught.

Fast forward to 2015 where, one night, I thought over my beliefs. I came to realize none of this made sense to me. Not only were some of the things I was taught irreconcilably contradictory to me, but I honestly didn't buy a lot of the key aspects of the faith. In a way I wasn't being honest with myself by continuing to identify a Christian. So I left Christianity, identifying instead as an agnostic. (Insert inflammatory comment about having never truly been a Christian to begin with)

Religions have always been interesting to me for a variety of reasons, but none have ever sparked a flame within me, so to speak. Then again, I never really gave my personal beliefs much thought beyond being "agnostic" or "spiritual but not religious".

A Question

One summer evening last year, a friend of mine and I sat down to watch a dumpster fire of a debate on YouTube. My friend, an absolute nerd who streams on Twitch as "GamingWithEvery1", identifies as an agnostic atheist and is definitely a product of the New Atheism movement. With his lead, we critiqued the debater for their poor debate etiquette, circular reasoning, and presuppositional consistencies in pushing their problematic worldview. It was something to behold.

Sometime near the end of the debate he asked me what my beliefs were. Although I'd asked myself that question before, I hadn't given it much more than a passive thought. It quickly became apparent I had no fully formed thoughts on the matter. The very fact I had nothing cohesive to say troubled me deeply, a state of puzzlement I later learned is called aporia. What do I believe?

And so, I began a search for my beliefs.

Early Exploration

One of the first things I did, like any reasonable person would, was take a belief system quiz. The goal was to give myself a rough idea of where my beliefs lie. I retook the quiz a few times over several days and I wrote down the top six that best aligned with my own beliefs. In no particular order they were Unitarian Universalism, Buddhism, Reform Judaism, Neopaganism, Secular Humanism, and Agnosticism. From there I laid everything out on a spreadsheet and decided to research them all one-by-one. This journey I started down would come to be a deeply enriching one.

I already had a decent understanding of some of those belief systems, but others required a lot more research. The very structure of the quiz I had taken and retaken offered me my first pointed insights into what belief really means and how to ask those kinds of questions for myself, regardless of belief system.

With an open mind I tried new things. I followed new YouTube channels and learned a great deal about ethics, philosophy, theology, history, textual analysis, critical thinking, debate etiquette, demographics, and art. I watched balanced content from contemporary atheists and theists. I started journaling for the first time in six years. I went out of my way to get a new library card and check out books to help me in my studies. I participated in activities related to some of these belief systems which I had never done before. And there's still so much to learn.

A Surprising Turn

The belief system I found the most rewarding in my personal explorations was, surprisingly, Judaism. Out of all six belief systems I set out to explore, I knew the least about Judaism. As I learned more I came to realize that there's also significant overlap between my own values and those found within Reform Judaism, in particular those of tikkun olam (Gives the most basic, uninspired example).

Last November, I had come to the point in my research where I wanted to speak with a rabbi about Judaism in general. I emailed two Reform rabbis from two different synagogues to get their perspectives on things. I don't know how I managed to write those emails but they responded in kind.

My first talk with a rabbi was over the phone and more personal. How personable they were was a surreal experience. They encouraged me to continue exploring things, find what interests me most in the faith, attend local services and events, and take Intro to Judaism classes. They were in the early stages of preparing for a Friday evening service so the call only lasted around 30 minutes, but I thank them for taking the time to hear me out.

My talk with the second rabbi was over a scheduled Zoom call. They were more thorough with my background and went into the specifics of conversion a lot more. They encouraged me to continue exploring things, focus on personal practice over research, connect with my local community, take Intro to Judaism classes online, and to take things slow. However, given I wasn't ready to pursue conversion, it left me feeling like I'd wasted their time.

I never did get my questions answered, but then again I didn't even know what kinds of questions to ask.

Sometime this past January I downloaded the Sefaria app on my phone and started reading Ecclesiastes, the first book of the Tanakh I'd ever read to completion. I took my time and read it when I had the free time and interest to. The story was quite a compelling and relatable piece. I later read the entirety of Malachi and Haggai, among the shortest books in the Tanakh and something my ADHD could handle. They were also intriguing reads.

Where I Am Today

If there is a higher power, they're probably limited by the laws of nature just like we are. However, the existence of a higher power isn't something that's falsifiable or even capable of being proven through the scientific method.

If you know something to be true then you can't have faith in it, and if you have faith in something you're admitting that you don't know it to be true. You are therefore taking "faith" in the claim. At that point, you can just deny that a believer has sufficient justification for their belief. But on what grounds could you make that claim? (Solipsism enters the chat)

A belief about the world is the mental attitude that the world is structured in some way rather than another. Beliefs form the foundation of actions. If you believe something to be true, you must act as though it were true. If you can't believe something is true then you can't say you believe it. And the more important the belief, the more open one should be to having that belief examined, questioned, and challenged.

While I believe moral values to be subjective, I do feel there's something intuitive in the way we work together as a social species. How we show compassion toward one another and work toward creating a better world, not just for ourselves, but for future generations as well. And not just in a way limited to the human species either. We're all interconnected. We're all an impermanent part of this speck of dust circling a middle aged star in a remote corner of the galaxy. We ought to make things work and our short time here meaningful.

So are you an atheist or a theist?

I currently identify as agnostic.

Agnosticism is a notoriously difficult thing to define, but the most helpful way I've seen it explained is as a spectrum of confidence in one's belief, which was first posited by George H. Smith in his 1974 novel Atheism: The Case Against God.

Gnostic Atheism: one who asserts that "at least one deity exists" is a false statement.

Agnostic Atheism: one who rejects belief that any deities exist without actually asserting that "at least one deity exists" is a false statement.

Agnostic Theism: one who accepts belief that a deity exists without actually asserting that "at least one deity exists" is a true statement.

Gnostic Theism: one who asserts that "at least one deity exists" is a true statement.

Whichever way I lean in the moment, whether it's toward theism or atheism, I hold less confidence than a gnostic atheist or gnostic theist would. I don't think we can ever know with confidence one way or the other, so I prefer not to choose a side in the theism vs atheism debate. I'm still trying to "find my truth".

Closing Thoughts 💭

I wracked my brain for a week straight over how best to get my thoughts on the matter on paper the screen. I think I spent way too much time on this post but I know that it was important for me, in this moment, to do so. It probably wasn't the most satisfying conclusion but it's an honest one.

I'm not entirely sure why I've embarked on this journey, but clearly it's important to me. Maybe I'm searching for something I'm lacking in my life, be it spiritual meaning or community. Maybe it's all for the sake of learning new things on a topic I've always been interested in. This kind of thing is quite personal and I can only articulate so much.

I'm hesitant to list any primary or secondary resources about any of the topics mentioned above for risk of coming across as a proselytizer. Do your own research and think critically.

As someone who has spent time exploring Judaism, I just know I'm gonna be asked a question about the Israel–Palestine conflict. I'm not gonna allow comments about that on this post.

#belief #spirituality #agnosticism #atheism #Judaism #religious exploration

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writingwithcolor · 3 years

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Hi, thank you all so much for running this blog--I was hoping I could get your feedback on a Jewish MC. The crux of my question is whether I, a gentile, would be out of line depicting her experiencing internalized discrimination from her own father (who in my first draft was Catholic, but I think that will be changing to a TBD protestant denomination).

The backstory I have for her right now is that her mother is Jewish and places great value on the history and culture of being Jewish, but is not a particularly religious person. Her daughter refers to her as having sometimes attended events at a local reform synagogue and making note of the high holidays but she is, overall, not someone with strict religious observances of any kind, and for a long time she and her husband (raised Christian but deeply agnostic) raise their daughter on the idea that it's important to understand where she and her family come from but that how she ultimately pursues faith--whatever that faith may be--is up to her. Both parents introduce her to the stories and lessons they grew up with but don't pressure her to attend religious events, etc. unless she has a personal, independent interest in doing so. For the first 16 or so years of her life this is how she's raised and her family is stable and her parents seem deeply in love. So far beta readers from households with one Jewish and one Christian parent have told me this backstory seems fine to them, though I welcome any feedback you have, too.

What I'm most concerned about, though, is when she's a teen and her parents divorce. Right now I have the reason for their divorce as being that they fell out because her dad becomes a bit of a Christian zelot and becomes less and less respectful of his wife's religion and background as he gets deeper into this mindset. The reason he becomes like that is essentially that when 9/11 happens MCs mother, who grew up with the story of how her grandparents fled from the Soviet Union because of religious discrimination under Stalin, only narrowly managing to immigrate as far as the US before the breakout of WWII, powerfully empathizes with the people suffering from the horrible rise of Islamophobia we saw in 2001-2002. Her husband, on the other hand, does what I saw a lot of people in my family and community do and becomes increasingly religiously conservative as a reaction the percieved "threat" of the Islamic world. (This is all clearly identified in the book as his being in the wrong.) One of the ways this manifests is that he starts pressuring his daughter, the MC, to attend church services with him and become Christian. His rationale is that he just wants what's best for his daughter--to be "saved."

MC's mother has no tolerance for that crap, as she shouldn't, so they fight quite a bit going forward and eventually separate. Mom gets custody of the MC.

While her father never says anything openly antisemitic--implying those ideas but never stating them explicitly--he does respond to 16 yr. old MC basically asking him if he would still love her if she pursued her mom's faith by saying some bullshit along the lines of "well honey I just love you and want the best for you," as his answer. She never says to him that she's cutting him out, but after this moment she's never close to her father again and by the time the main narrative takes place 10 years later, she hasn't spoken to him since she was 21.

This backstory helps build a foundation for a lot of themes for the MC in terms of different ways alienation manifests in her life, how she trusts, and what we can and cannot forgive our parents for, so I like it from a narrative standpoint, but I would deeply appreciate your feedback on whether writing this kind of experience for a Jewish character is inappropriate for me to be doing. And, if not, do you have any suggestions on ways to modify this backstory, or would you recommend scrapping it entirely? Thank you so much.

Interfaith family broken up when Dad becomes a jerk and a bigot

A difficult situation definitely but I don’t have a problem with the setup. If this isn’t based on your own observations, it’s probably a good idea to get a beta reader with experience around bigots of the same stripe as Dad to make sure the awful stuff Dad says uses word choices and ideas that feel authentic. If that IS your experience I am so very sorry and I hope you have other wonderful people in your life to make up for it.

--Shira This seems very well planned, and thought out. It's also very real, and will be an emotional read I'm sure. As long as your character isn't forced to give up her Jewishness because of her father, and provided that you are careful during fight scenes between the parents earlier in the work (to ensure that the mom doesn't end up seeming like the Shrill Jewish Woman stereotype), I think you are on solid ground. Good luck!

--Dierdra

Also, I just caught that you said "internalized discrimination" from her dad -- that's not what internalized discrimination means. Internalized discrimination is when someone is feeling negatively about their own group, because they've absorbed bigoted ideas from outside. Discrimination from someone who isn't yourself isn't called “internalized” even when it comes from someone as close as a parent. But that's just a little language correction.

--Shira

Oh no, this backstory is so sad! I hope your MC has a happy ending with some very mutually supportive relationships.

I agree that this shouldn't be a problem as long as you take care to avoid stereotypes on a more micro level in specific scenes. As for the overall idea, nothing jumping out at me. You've clearly put so much effort into creating a believable background for your character and its influence on her current psyche - that gives me confidence that you will write humanised characters rather than falling back on tropes!

Also, don't know if you knew this but something to note with interfaith families: if MC's mother is Jewish, she is a Jew in Jewish law. It doesn't matter what she believes or practises or how she was brought up. (I don't say this to invalidate patrilineal Jews or oppose anyone self-identifying the way they want, but just halachically. You should be aware that many more religious Jews will consider her that way.)

Good luck with your story! I would read this 😌

--Shoshi

#writingstellar #Jewish #Jewish Women #antisemitism #interfaith #interfaith relationships #family #asks

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a-woman-apart · 4 years

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Watch "I'M BACK! WHY I LEFT YOUTUBE FOR TWO YEARS!" on YouTube

youtube

This scared me so badly, because this is EXACTLY what happened in my life, except it was all in The Reverse.

I graduated with an Associate Degree in Music Performance in 2018, but instead of running TOWARDS my dream/calling I ran hardcore AWAY from it. My pride in graduating only lasted a month before I declared myself Utterly Unmarketable and sought to go after a "real degree" and get a Big Girl career.

Between 2018 and 2020 I had major life changes.

My dad died of stomach cancer

I broke up with my neglectful boyfriend

I turned down a Full Ride to a major college

I hospitalized myself for Suicidal Ideation (Sept 2019)

I quit my job of 5 years

I started working for my best friend and became her Office Manager

I started dating the Love of my Life

I lost my friend group and peer support

I lost my mind and left college due to COVID-19 (but not before making one of my best decisions in taking a Screenwriting class because I WANTED not NEEDED it)

Started distancing myself from the toxic women in my life and definining Womanhood/Adulthood for myself

Visited my brother's grave after over a decade of waiting and got closure

Fully acknowledged my childhood trauma/abuse

Rediscovered my sexuality

Was disowned by who I erroneously thought was a close friend of 17 years over my political views

Joined and exited Unity2020

Turned in my car for repossession

Spent a week in the hospital after having a severe, paranoid psychotic break, but came out completely free of the vice of self-consciousness I was living under

You know what is nuts? I feel in many ways, I have completely reverted to who I was in the summer of 2011. I was off my meds, and it WAS mania, but personality-wise, the tempestuous, gum-chewing, cigarette-puffing, flirtatious, humorous, free-spirited ball of fire that drove all the way to Colorado on a whim wasn't rebellious, SHE WAS ME.

I just wasn't Me around the right people, and it wasn't the Right Time.

My inner Sagittarius moon would remain in a dormant state for almost a full decade. I would spend the next 9 years heavily sedated, sleepwalking through life, only alive at The Sound of Music.

It was Torture to feel so much but be afraid to express myself. I had to Hide while doing a major that demanded that I Command Attention. I am by nature "dramatic", "theatrical", "emotional", "expressive" but that part of me was so suppresed that I was frequently told I sang with excellence but without emotion.

Aside: During my 2011 manic episode, I spoke a lot about Doppelgangers. Without going into excessive detail, this is a German word that means "Double" and it is considered bad luck to encounter yours.

In the past 2 weeks, I have encountered people that look/sound like me (Josephine is Nigerian-Canadian and I am Nigerian-American and I kept thinking about her work even though I initially disagreed with her lot) and a woman with my name (different spelling) who was NOTHING like me and I also think might've had malice in mind for me.

I was DEFINITELY an agnostic atheist when I started this year, but as a result of undergoing so much weird shit I almost certainly believe in God, and yes, "God is a Woman." (More on that later)

Also, I realized that I really DID, as many teenage girls, "lose interest in math and science" but that was because of the terrible, unfactual way it was presented in my homeschool curriculum and by my mom, who was a Math major but whose disinterested detachment made every algebra lesson an excercise in torture.

I have always loved biolology and anatomy and I remember so much more chemistry than I thought. Geology class in community college was amazing and also helped me understand-- even more than the Theory of Evolution-- why young earth creationism was completely impossible.

As for math, I spent 15 years thinking it was my greatest weakness when I have had to use arithmetic in cashiering, my managerial work, and my monthly budget for the last 7 years. Also, as annoying as it was to hear constantly, my mom parroting "What you have to do to one side, you have to do to the other" (but in reverse) gave me the ability to do Algebra quickly and (mostly) effortlessly. I could never get A's, but I got a B in Quantitative Mathematics with no real help aside from occasional teacher input and the "Help me solve this" function of MyMathLab.

Here is where it Gets Weird. I am a Creative. I have been writing stories since I was 6 years old. I have loved Story all my life. My parents were in math and science fields and they completely lacked any creativity. COMPLETELY. It was part of why they were so religiously rigid, authoritarian, and draconian. There was no room for spontaneity or childish imaginativeness.

Looking back, I had major sensory and processing issues. I was likely speech delayed, I learned to read late, and I recently confirmed that when I am stressed my dyscalculia kicks in bad (it IS real). Numbers and symbols get really interchangeable (like an 8 and infinity symbol become kinda the same) which is why I had to recite phone numbers out loud to remember them or write them on colorful backgrounds so I can see them in my head as an image. Also explains my aversion to math but my ease with fractions (1/2 is half a sandwich, etc).

My spatial awareness is also shit when stressed. Before I turned in our car, I had earned the nickname "U-turn" from my boyfriend because on that Floating Death Machine left and right got completely crossed, frequently.

By the way, I struggled with right and left until I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD. I literally didn't understand the concept of a mirror and 3D space, meaning that the basic understanding that my right is someone else's left didn't come into play until I had an argument with my [now-deceased] brother about it.

What is so weird, is that because of years of correcting for these issues, my sense of direction, ON FOOT is good, if not better than most people. Also, once I realized that, given the opportunity, I very much do whatever I can with my left-hand, and that my hearing is MUCH better than I even thought, I am far less clumsy. Depth perception is still crap, but that is probably also because I was forced to spend years without the glasses I needed (and got earlier this year after living with chronic eye strain)

When I talk about these "issues" it is in line with female autism, but you know what? If really do have adult autism, then I am a Complete Boss because I have pwned that ho.

After being rehospitalized, a kind nurse suggested I may have PTSD and suggested medicine for insomnia and nightmares. It was extremely helpful. I had been looking into C-PTSD for a while, because I didn't think I had "suffered enough" to have "real" PTSD. But that isn't how diagnoses work.

Btw, I still have Bipolar I, Psychotic Features. Another kind nurse told me I don't need anti-psychotics, and no, I don't. I was given Zyprexa by a bitch nurse and it was like getting drunk. I stumbled the halls, almost fell over (possibly did) and woke up with a neon "Fall Risk" bracelet. Anti-psychotics also fucked up my menstrual cycle for years and I have had lingering hormonal isssues. Haha no thanks.

Anyway, I digress. Of course I am fucked up. I lived under family members who questioned my reality, attempted to crush my dreams, threatened me with physical punishment any time I behaved in non-neurotypical ways, violated my rights and interfered with my treatment even though I was a full legal adult, undermined my relationships, tortured and socially isolated me, etc., all under the guise "of knowing best."

In minority cultures, our darkness hides in plain sight, and ESPECIALLY in the Bible Belt, with its supeestition and idolization of familial hierarchy/patriarchy, victims of financial, spiritual, emotional, and physical abuse have no where safe to turn. The Long Arm of the Law is often Short when it comes to "breaking up the family", and women and children are victimized openly with little to no intervention.

On top of doing my Creative Work, I plan to create legislation to make sure that what happened to me and my siblings isn't allowed to go unpunished. We lost my older brother, and I almost died, too, but Enough is Enough.

The Time is Now.

P.S. If Josephine is an Air Nomad I identify as a Water Bender. I basically have no water in my astrological chart, but water signs bring me great comfort in times of need (and make bad romantic partners for me obviously)

Also, this is one Bad Biyatch.

I also found out I am an ISFJ, not INFJ. Yep. Gonna be a Playwright and Director. I want to be a part of the action, not just writing about it.

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tonygoldsteins · 4 years

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heyyy, i’m nie. let’s jump right into it ;****

☆(ALEX WOLFF / CIS MALE / HE/HIM) is that [ ANTHONY GOLDSTEIN ] over there? the [ STUDENT ] is [ EIGHTEEN ]. i heard they’re a [ SAGITTARIUS ]- which is probably why they are so [ OPTIMISTIC and ADVENTUROUS ], but also [ TACTLESS and BOASTFUL ]. did you hear that they [ REDACTED ]… hope no one finds out. (ooc: nie / 26 / est / she/her)☆

STATS

Full Name: Anthony Jacob Goldstein

Hometown: Crestview, NY

Birthday: November 26, 2001

Religious: His mom is technically Protestant and his dad was Jewish, but Anthony’s a little more Agnostic. He attends temple during the high holidays (and a Shabbat once in awhile with his bubbe), had his bar mitzvah, and celebrates Christmas with his mom (+ stepdad and half-sis blegh) in the sense that he’s lovin’ those presents. If asked he identifies as Jewish, at least culturally. Rejects Christianity sort of on principle lmao.

Drugs/alcohol/smoke (y/n): yes/yes/no

Languages spoken: English and enough Hebrew to get through Hebrew school

Western astrological sign: Sagittarius

Other traits: Honest, impatient, careless, attention seeking, open-minded, forgetful, irresponsible, confident, outgoing, and humorous

Relation to Ana Alston: His best friend was str8 up obsessed with her, bro

BACKGROUND

TW: Death

Anthony’s parents (Elizabeth and Jacob) were childhood best friends turned sweethearts turned accidental young parents at the age of like, 19/20. This accidental child was indeed Anthony. When he was about three years old, his dad died. There's a lot of weird n repressed murky memories around what happened. His mom always says he died trying to help someone, like he got caught in the crossfire during a mugging or something, and Anthony is like, actively choosing to believe her, even though he does not realize he is making a choice in it.

So he has a very holier-than-thou, pristine image of his dad in his head. Like this guy was the coolest, bravest, sickest mf on the planet, half to memorialize him and half to avoid grieving something that he was robbed of, i.e. a parent. In reality, his dad was very directionless and lost and unreliable and not a bad guy but Anthony's mom had no plans to stay with him. He kind of just smoked weed all day, drank too much, and played video games. What Anthony doesn’t know, or what been kept from him because he does not remember, is that his dad didn’t die playing hero. His dad died because he drank too much one night, didn’t wear a seat belt, and swerved into the opposite lane while driving the family home. He crashed into another car, which killed himself and someone in the other car too.

Eventually, Anthony's mom found love elsewhere. The guy (Magnus McNulty) was well off and handsome and tried very hard to be buddy-buddy with then-10 year old Anthony, and eventually Anthony's mom and Magnus got married and had a daughter, Cassandra (Cassie). For a long time Anthony had a lot of contempt for this new little family unit, and still refuses to call his mom’s husband anything other than his first name. He felt like his mom betrayed him and his dad by getting with Magnus; he still kind of feels that way.

He started stealing when Cassie was born. It was little stuff at first, packs of gum at the corner store when his mom sent him for milk and candy from CVS. As he’s gotten older, he taken to also stealing things that aren’t necessarily bigger but less sterile and devoid of importance. At rich kid parties, he tends to swipe nice-looking silverware, candlesticks, and on one memorable occasion a gold bracelet. He doesn’t do much with these things but keep them in his desk drawers or under his bed. He still takes stuff of the shelves and racks of stores but he’s almost gotten too good at it, at least at the little league stuff; it’s kinda losing the thrill. Something with higher stakes may be in order.

PERSONALITY & ETC.

Other stuff to know about Anthony is that he has to watch his little sister a lot (yawn), he has had a rock collection since he was in kindergarten, he reads comics and unironically loves superhero movies, and he’s a little “fuck da police” edgelord.

Trying to get him to be serious or sincere can be like pulling teeth — it’s frustrating for you and painful for him, and most people seem to be charmed by it or endlessly frustrated. He’s the kid taking pictures of his elbow when his arm is bent because it looks like a butt. He has a ‘420′ story highlight on his Instagram page and is a seasoned shit-poster. He's goofy and says weird shit just to say weird shit. He thinks girls who ignore him are into him. Standard practice. He wants to bring levity babey.

He plays the drums because when they chose instruments back in elementary school he chose the one that would annoy his mom and Magnus the most, but now he’s really into it. His favorite bands are like, The Strokes, Nirvana, The Flaming Lips, Rat Boy, Dinosaur Jr, etc.

He tells people Shiloh had a huge crush on him when they first met and he had to turn her down just to troll her. <3

He has a scar on his head from the car crash that he has been told was from falling from a swing set and again he doesn’t question it.

Lowkey dysgraphia and ADHD

Happily sells weed and his adderall to the teenage masses xx get that coin!

LINKS ‘N STUFF

PINTEREST BOARD

Will create a connections page ASAP, but otherwise I am open to just about anything. He definitely needs friends, perhaps an ex of sorts (awkward late middle school era and they didn’t do anything past some fumbly over the shirt stuff xoxo romance), people he sells weed to, bandmates, neighbors, idk. Give it 2 me.

#crestview:intro #cannot be bovvered to make a graphic mostly because i am bad at them ;)#hmu to plot!

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sketchguk · 4 years

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Couldn't you write your smut without touching people's religion? If it wasn't Christianity you would disrespect like that but another religions the whole tumblr would be jumping on that. The hypocrisy.

I’m so sorry my response is so long, but I think it’s important we discuss!!

Hey! My main purpose of TKAA wasn’t to disrespect anyone :( I’m incredibly sorry if it came across that way. It’s a self indulgent fic, I realize, but when writing this, I wanted the themes to reflect my own personal struggle with religion. And as the author, I’m writing a fictional story from my experience. I wanted to write about the struggles of growing up in a religious household. I come from a Buddhist background, but I also spent some time in church and in youth group. I even read the Bible as a child because sometimes, it’d be the only reading material I’d have around as my dad has a ton of books about both Buddhism and Christianity in the house. I’d pray almost every night because it just felt right, even if I had nothing to pray for. Sometimes I’d have chats with God before bed because it was a way for me to relieve stress. To talk about things I can’t tell anyone else in hopes of some miracle.

Some people might say, “Oh? She goes to church? She prays? She reads the holy scripture? Well I guess she’s Christian.” And I sort of believed that for a while too. For the longest time, even I denounced pre-marital sex. From a young age, I had this idea drilled into my head that I’d have a giant scarlet red letter etched onto me if I were to ever indulge in lustful sin. I wanted to wear a white dress at my wedding, and if I had sex, I’d be forced to wear a cream one instead, and everyone would know. Virginity is such a social construct btw, nobody would know if you are a virgin just by looking at you. And I soon learned that being Christian isn’t just about the practice of the act. It’s about the principles and the foundations of being a good person. Maybe I figured that out when my pastor was forced to leave the church for cheating on his wife. It was such a shock to me, and it really made me rethink to put my faith elsewhere. If I couldn’t look up to the person who was guiding me, who could I trust?

What it means to be a Christian is different for everyone. There’s a lot more to religion that I’m probably not aware of, and I know I’m not the most educated person in regards to Christianity, I fully acknowledge this. But this story is based off of how it felt for me to teeter between a mindset of my own, and one that’s crafted for me by the adults around me.

Today, I’ve come to learn that sex is a very healthy activity so long it’s done safely. And that’s all that matters to me when people come to tell me about their endeavors. I’m not a judgmental person who’s fixated on the fact that “You’re supposed to be religious, so you should be punished for this. How could you possibly turn against your faith??” This might even apply to other religions as well, but I’m not the most educated in the matter. There are definitely irl cases in which my friends, who come from all different walks of life, experience the “falling” of faith as a child, an adolescent, and even in our adult life, I see it all the time. And a few of these cases stem from being put into the church, or the temple, or the synagogue as a child without choice. My parents took me to the temple, and they took me to church at the very beginning because I wasn’t allowed to stay home by myself. And therefore, I was exposed to religion without fully knowing what it meant to me. But when I grew older, I was allowed to make my own choices. So I stopped going to both places of worship.

I’m not trying to make this all about me though. I imagine this is a bit of a universal feeling. Maybe not everyone has experienced it, and maybe not everyone is religious. But maybe the thought of “what does religion mean to me?” has come across our minds. This is not about me “losing” my faith now that I’m an adult. It’s more of a rediscovery of how I see religion and how I choose to identify with it.

I identify as an agnostic atheist. My views on pre-marital sex have shifted since then. Perhaps this is a TMI because nobody asked about me in particular, but this is how I view pre-marital sex now (and by no means do you have to agree). I still think sex is a very sacred thing, but it’s something that I would want to partake in with someone I love and trust. With someone who is special to me, and whom I know I will not regret doing it with, even if I’m not married. And the characters of TKAA, although it may not be explicit, they’re also young adults who were birthed from a house of religion. The conflict of the story revolves around them sneaking around OC’s parents because they know it’s “inherently wrong” to do it. But just like me, and other young adults around the world, they’re figuring out how sex fits into a lifestyle like theirs, one in which they’re heavily involved in a faith that stigmatizes sex. They’re childhood friends, and even if they’ve never admitted it to one another, they’re very much in love.

Also, I’d like to mention that this story is based off of Fall Out Boy’s song “The Kids Aren’t Alright.” I love this song with all my heart because it resonates with me. For me, it’s a song for when I’m quite literally not feeling alright. It’s a song that tells me it’s okay to be down, to be hurt, and I don’t have to pretend. Most people might turn to religion, but for me, I seek solace in my best friend and in my partner. When the world is against me, including religion and my own mindset towards it, I can go to them for comfort. And that was the plan for the TKAA couple.

I mentioned from the very beginning that this story would be risqué because I would have expected criticism! It’s a sore subject, and it’s not meant for everyone. But it’s a story I wanted to tell because it was meant for me and everyone else who struggles. I mean no disrespect with this story towards Christianity or towards any other religion. And maybe there’s some truth to what you have to say. I’m not sure how the Tumblr community would react if this was written about another religion. I think they ought to keep in mind that this is just fanfiction.

Obviously I didn’t know that this fic would head anywhere. It was the 3rd fanfic I had ever written and published in my life. I literally fulfilled a request for a fwb!jk in 4 days. But I wanted the story to be meaningful to me, so that’s why I divulged into a religious theme. I got praise about the smut and I feel like that’s what most people got lost in. I would have too, but behind the story, there’s substance to it that not everyone realizes :( and maybe I should have done a better job at portraying it, please forgive me for that. I obviously couldn’t fit all that I wanted to in merely 10k words. But I want readers to interpret the story for themselves and to draw their own conclusions. To have discussions about this because it’s helpful to me and to the community to air out how they feel. You don’t always have to agree with my POV, but stories are a great way to make real life connections, even if this is fictional.

And let me tell ya, TKAA is a work of fiction with real life problems that I, the author, have faced.

Please let me know if I didn’t address anything :( maybe I missed the point lol sorry but this was basically my purpose for writing TKAA. The public perception of it isn’t in my control when my intentions were to write for me, as all of my writing is. Some users have asked that I write a sequel, but I have no idea honestly. I don’t even know how I could go about that. If anything, I think a prequel would be more appropriate in which I discuss all of these thoughts. And I really don’t mean to come across as offensive or hypocritical, that’s the furthest thing I want to do, but I can’t express how sorry I am if I did.

#ask #anon #ask: the kids aren't alright

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asherlockstudy · 4 years

Text

I watched Rhett's Spiritual Deconstruction today because it is most of the time important for me to watch EBs with all their facial expressions and gestures. I have to say, I am loving this spiritual series and I am very grateful that the boys are eager to share their feelings on such a private topic. I'm gonna write down a few thoughts about Rhett's episode, so please skip it if talk about religion can be triggering for you. I will tag accordingly.

First of all, and this is just something small about me, but I was so excited to hear how Rhett labels himself because "hopeful agnostic" is probably the closest thing to how I'd (roughly) label myself. Of course, there are huge differences, especially in the cultural background between us, but it was exciting all the same because most people I know would identify in a different way (either more religious or atheists) and it's cool to see you are in a similar wavelength with someone you are a fan of. The way we got there is vastly different as I don't have a special religious journey to speak of- I guess I have always believed the same thing more or less and I haven't experienced restrictions in my life associated with religion. My country is largely Christian Orthodox and while it has its fair share of super narrow-minded leaders and followers to the point of extreme ignorance, I am thankful missionaries and convertions are not a thing here. In general I would say Orthodox Church is more culturally present (customs, holidays, traditions) than ideologically, at least through my perspective. I have also only met one follower of the Evangelical Church in my life. I am just explaining how far from Rhett's experiences I am and thus how fascinated by our same wavelength.

I see how big this was for Rhett. Whereas Link doesn't shy away from showing his tension and his sorrow, Rhett's effort to hide the shaking in his voice was even more heartbreaking. I would normally have trouble understanding why this was so difficult for him (since he is, in his words, privileged) but as we know being knowledgeable and being right and having a purpose means the world to Rhett. He was so certain and confident in himself and then suddenly he was seeing his world crumble while he knew he couldn't just delete his thoughts and his doubts anymore. Also, well, let me say that obviously he wouldn't talk about that but I believe he was also scared of his NC family's reactions if they don't know already. Besides, they come from such a small town, such a small social circle, that he could possibly feel nervous for the entire town's thoughts about him. Let alone all the Christian fans. Rhett cares a great deal about what people think so all this made perfect sense and I understand it was a very brave moment for him.

I can't wait for Link's turn. So much that I don't know if I'll manage to wait till next Sunday. I noticed that in the ways Link would occasionally speak in Rhett's episode he seemed just sliiiiiiightly more absolute in his beliefs than Rhett. Absolute not in a negative sense but just that his thoughts and feelings are more definitive. That could mean he's more of an atheist (doubt that) or more religious or rather a Christian agnostic. I can't wait to see if I have much in common with Link...

I am making a guess just a little before it airs: I think Link's natural predisposition as a kid and teenager was to not think all that much about religion. Link self-identified as an Evangelical Christian mostly because he put his trust in Rhett and his family for choosing the right thing. Link however has the tendency to stick to the things he embraces which makes him more uneager to change his viewpoints now no matter how Rhett's beliefs change. He's probably also influenced by Christy who sounds like the most Christian of the four right now. I still think Link doesn't think of this topic as strongly as Rhett - no matter if his religious beliefs are more conservative now. His whole demeanour was way more relaxed than Rhett's. Since I mentioned Christy, I would like to add that I am surprised that it seems Rhett led Jessie to the path of reevaluating their spirituality. I thought it was the other way around.

I have more thoughts but I would be pushing the liberties R&L so graciously provided us by talking about this deeply personal topic. It's just that... let me just get this out: I have a feeling there is some trauma involved in Rhett's case. I have no evidence obviously, it's a feeling. Rhett's choice to not share this in case there is indeed trauma is healthy and very reasonable. They already share enough with us. I won't talk about the rest of my thoughts but I will only say a few moments towards the end gave me more questions than answers and I found Link's choice of questions to Rhett very interesting, even if I can't quite understand / explain why yet.

All in all, a great episode and I hope Rhett only finds acceptance from all of us and he feels a great burden being lifted from his shoulders.

#rhett and link #randl #ear biscuits #rhett mclaughlin #link neal #tw religion #tw christianity

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years

Text

Let’s start with you. How are you? Struggling, but here we are. What motivates you to get up every day? My body wakes me up and I finally drag myself outta bed for coffee. Do you have a true best friend? My mom. Do you see yourself as a sensitive person? Very. Have you been upset recently? Mhm.

Do you still leave/receive voicemails? I hateeee leaving voicemails. I very rarely get voicemails anymore. Do you live in your hometown? Yeah. Are you a festive person? Do you enjoy holidays? I love the holidays. Did you/Will you attend college? I did. I graduated in 2015. How many alarm clocks do you use? I’ve been known to just turn it off and fall back asleep, so I have to set several. Do you consider yourself to be an open-minded person? Yeah. Do you eat fruit? I like some fruits, but I’ve never been a big fruit eater. I honestly haven’t had any fruits in at least 3 years, possibly 4. What is your favorite subject to learn about? Psychology. How many meals a day do you typically eat? 2-3 on good days, sometimes just 1, sometimes none. Music, eh? Have you seen any live shows? Yeah, a few. Name three of your favorite bands/artists… I have many. How big of a role does music play in your life? I enjoy music, but I don’t listen to it as much as I used to. Can you play any instruments? I used to play some piano, but it’s over 10 years now since I’ve played. You’re feeling down - do you listen to sad music or happy? I gravitate toward the sad stuff. Ya know, #relatable and all that. If you’ve ever been to a concert, how old were you and who did you see? I’ve been to a few. My first one was when I was 16. The others were when I was 18 and early 20s. Do you prefer music to be meaningful and deep, or purely for dancing/fun? I like both. Is there a song or artist that you secretly enjoy, but don’t want to enjoy? No. I like what I like, I don’t care. If you could only listen to music from one decade, which would you choose? That’s toughhh. I love my 90s, but I like variety of music from different decades and like to listen to a bit of everything, so it would be hard to choose just one. Has your parents taste in music in any way affected what you like? Yeah. We like a lot of the same stuff, especially my mom and I. You’re looking for some new music - what’s your preferred way to discover? Spotify. Do you still own any CD’s/records/tapes? Nope. A few years ago I sold them to a record store. Do you download music for free or pay for it? I use Spotify. We have the premium subscription, so we pay for it. Well, my mom does :X It’s a group plan thing that we have. Do you ever hear a new song on tv that you like and find it? Yeah, there’s been many times I’ve heard a song in a commercial or TV show/movie and looked it up. Speaking of television… (look at that smooth transition!) Do you watch a lot of television? Whether that be shows, news, movies etc. My TV is always on, but it does serve as background noise a lot. I have my shows I watch and pay attention to, and then there’s times I have something on and I tune in and out. Do you watch the news? I watch entertainment news more often, but yeah I watch the regular news like The Today Show or some of our local news sometimes. I get most of news online, though. What about the weather channel? No. I just use the app on my phone. What’s your favorite holiday movie? I love Christmas movies, there’s too many to name. What hooks you to a television show? Drama, suspense, comedy etc. I like all that, just depends on the plot really. How do you feel about adult cartoons? Not really my thing.

Talk shows - boring or entertaining? I watch a few. Do you prefer cable, satellite or streaming? We have satellite and we have streaming services like Netflix and Hulu as well. Have you come across any new shows you like this year? I have a list of shows I want to watch, but haven’t gotten around to, yet. I think the only new shows I’ve watched were The Hills: New Beginnings and I got into Whose Line is it Anyway?, both new and old seasons lol. I used to watch it during its original run, but I recently started watching again because this one channel airs it every weeknight. OH, The Act on Hulu was really good. That was the Gypsy Rose mini series. But yeah, there’s a lot of shows I need to get around to watching. Do you still watch shows that you grew up watching? Yep, a few. What about movies that you grew up with? Lion King and Toy Story are mine! Yep, many. Are you subscribed to any streaming services? Netflix and Hulu. Reality shows - entertaining or horrifying? I watch quite a few, ha. What is the first movie you ever saw in a cinema? I don’t know the very first, but the one that always comes to mind for some reason is Stuart Little. I know that’s not the very first, though. Let’s talk about what you don’t discuss at Sunday brunch… Do you identify with any organized religion? Christianity. If so - is it how you were raised, or have you found your own? My paternal grandparents are Christians and I went to church and Sunday school sometimes with them, but my parents weren’t/aren’t religious. They both believe in God, but they didn’t raise me with any religion. I was actually atheist and then agnostic for most of my life, up until 3 years ago. Do you think that marijuana should be legalized? Yes. If so, would that be for medical use only, or recreational? It has a lot of benefits so definitely for medical/health purposes, but I don’t care if people want to do it recreationally. Pro-life or pro-choice? Have you ever protested or been on strike? No. Is gun control necessary or no? Yes of course. Are you happy with the political state where you reside? Blahhh politics. Why do you feel that way? Have you read the book 13 Reasons Why or watched the show? Both. I read the book in high school or middle school, I don’t remember which and I’ve watched the show. The tv show brings teenage suicide to light in a graphic manner. Should shows like this be available to everyone or could it be a trigger? I mean, I think it’s something that needs to be talked about. It’s a real thing and we can’t act like it doesn’t exist. Mental illness is already so taboo and people don’t want to talk about, so it gets pushed under the rug and there’s stigma attached to it and people aren’t educated on it like they should be. I understand it can be triggering and difficult for people and that’s fine, they don’t have to watch it if they feel they can’t. I also want to note that there were warnings before each episode. Okay, let’s simmer down. Back to happy things. Do you like animals? Yes. If so, do you have any pets? Yep, I have a doggo. (: What is your favorite day of the week and why? * I dont have a favorite day of the wk. They’re prtty much all the same to me <<< Same. Do you have a favorite season? Fall and winter. How do you enjoy nice scents? Candles, wax melts, incense, oils etc. I have a few candles actually, but I never light them lol. They smell great, though. We have a few wax warmers around the house, though, which are nice. I like those because I don’t have use fire. I also like to use some air fresheners, just nothing too strong. Do you live in a large city or small town? It’s medium sized I’d say. Are you happy with that or would you like to change it? I’d like to live in a smaller city, I think. Do you have any children? Nooo. Are there any colors that you think compliment you? Black. Do you enjoy cleaning or find it to be a chore? I definitely don’t enjoy it. What is your absolute favorite food? For the past few months it’s been scrambled eggs with cheese and spinach by itself or wrapped in a tortilla, bologna sandwiches, Ramen, and pizza. If you were any color, what would you be? Gray. Do you spend a lot of time on social networks? Yeah. Books or movies? I enjoy both.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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snowedinpodcast · 4 years

Audio

Transcript below the cut!

Let’s Walk: Spirit Butterflies [Transcript]

[Content Warning: ghost stories, vaguely unsettling imagery like shadowy figures and death-inducing charms: no bodily or mental harm)]

「今日も雨あの日と今を/空と空でつなぎたいの」

(Translation: Today it’s also raining; even now I want to connect that person’s sky to mine)

Let’s talk ghost stories, dudes. I’ve got a couple from mom, from her time growing up in Japan, and … they make me feel a kind of way. They remind me how … my agnostic ass does enjoy some chthonic, earthy spiritualism.

I guess a quick prelude is in order before we get into the, into the meat of things. I don’t tie myself to any one faith or another. My dad is a Zen Buddhist. My mom is … casually Shinto? There aren’t any strict religious traditions that we really do in regards to either of my parents’ choice of faith. We do Christmas kind of superficially, for the presents and for the fun of it, not so much for the Biblical significance … so that’s my background.

What I do like is places and objects that feel like they have a kind of agency—some sort of presence that is beyond my understanding, as a human. I don’t need to know if it’s the case or not, I don’t even know if I’d be able to know if it was the case or not, I just like feeling that way. I like liminal spaces, places where the normal bustling activity you expect is gone, and so everything feels alien and strange: like an overpass at two in the morning. There’s still some cars—which feels strange, ‘cause it’s two in the morning, where could you people possibly be going?—and yet, there’s so few cars compared to what you’re used to in the daytime that … you can hear the individual hums of each car as they go by. And it’s intimacy is what it is, you’re too close to something you’re not normally close to or aware of in that way. I like that. I like intimacy with places and with objects. I like picking up a skeleton key in an antique store and feeling the heft of it … and then looking at the price tag and seeing that it’s $4.00 and I am absolutely too cheap to pay that for a single key, no matter how pretty it is!

I do like thrifted clothes, though and that’s also part of it: I like the story that this object has, I like that it’s outlasted me already and it will probably outlast me if I take good care of it. And again, it’s not about knowing, I don’t need to know who owned it previously, I just like the wondering, I just like reaching out into this nebulous life-before-me … and sitting with it. Life outside of me. Life beyond me.

So that’s the part of ghost stories that I like so much. And—I guess maybe ghost stories isn’t entirely fair. That’s what I like about … about unexplained, natural moments. Chthonic earth magic! Yeah, let’s just call it chthonic earth magic, sounds good. It’s kinda redundant because “chthonic” means of the earth, so. Apparently, also, “occult” really just means of nature: magic that is tied into naturalness. Occult has gained a connotation with the demonic and the sinister but it includes more than just that.

‘Kay, I think it’s story time. I’m going to give you … three stories. Two are short, one is long.

First story: My mom’s mom, her grandma—no! Her mom, my grandma—Obaasan—told her that if you notice a shadowy shape behind a tree, behind a building, lingering around you, you should think, inside your head, that you and this shape are of different worlds and there is nothing you can do to help it … and you leave it alone. This didn’t really hit that hard for my mom until the day in elementary school or middle school when she was out at recess, out in the schoolyard, and she did sense a shadowy humanoid figure ... and she took her mom’s advice and didn’t interact with it. [Sigh].

I can’t say I’ve had any experiences like that, but there is a little stone lantern sculpture thing that we have in our front yard. It has a hole that runs right through the center of the main lantern part. It almost looks like a little house, actually, ‘cause there’s a cylindrical piece that is the main body of the lantern and then a heavy, straw-triangle-hat-shaped stone piece that fits into that cylindrical body—so I always called it “the spirit house.” And I remember one summer I just left bundles of flowers in that hole through the middle because it just felt like a nice thing to do for whatever creature was living in it—‘cause I guess I just felt like a thing might be living in it and it’d be nice to give it things? And this freaked my mom out. She didn’t like that at all. She said not to look through the hole, don’t try to interact with the thing, stop leaving it gifts. Of course, I kept doing it, and nothing happened to me, but I remember … I remember feeling distinctly, one day, that there wasn’t a thing there anymore. And so I stopped giving it flowers. Or maybe I just got tired of it, who knows, but yeah. Yeah!

Occult stuff doesn’t happen to me, I really wish it would. Come mess with me, demons, I invite you. I may live to regret that … that invitation.

Second story. My mom was hanging out with a bunch of friends from school, they went to one of the friend's houses and played hide and seek, played card games, Karuta, what kids do. And at some point they noticed there was one more child than originally gathered at the house. My mom took into account the advice of her mom and she didn’t point this out, she just waited it out, continued to play with her friends and this new mystery child who no one could quite identify. And then at the end of the, the playdate, when everyone went home, there was the right amount of children in the house … same number as before.

Third story. This was prompted by me telling my mom about the drive home from seeing Wonder Woman at a drive-in theatre a state away. I took on the driving, uh, two of my friends—we’ll call them H and K—came along. Um, because we still live in pandemic times, we all wore masks, and we kept our gathering to a small number, just the three of us, so. So it was obviously not the safest but it was, it was within covid19 safety regulations and it’d been a while since any of us had hung out, so … you do what you do. You make do. And it was really fun. It was great. They served food at the venue so we didn't have to worry too much about bringing snacks. We’d all seen Wonder Woman before, so we got to make snide comments and jokes and gush about how hot the characters were the whole time [laugh]. It was, it was just, it was so exciting. We also talked about Greek mythology—my buddy H is big into that stuff, and Ares plays a significant role in this film, so y’know. Good times.

On that drive home, I was on a main road and got six or seven or eight green lights in a row. It was unusual. It wasn’t … occult-y … but it was unusual, and by the third light that remained green as I sailed beneath it with my friends beside me … I started bowing my head a little bit as we came up to the next light, and the next light, and the next. They kept letting me through, so it felt ritualistic. But not dangerous, it felt … interesting. When I finally hit a red light it was just as I was in the lane to make a left turn into a major highway, so it felt like the natural end of that road. I was moving from one path to another, and so I would’ve had to slow down or stop anyway.

When I told my mom about this, she told me about the trips in the taxi to and from the summer house where her extended family members gathered. These weren’t fun trips for her, there was a bunch of drama [laugh] on my mom’s side of the family. Drama is putting it pretty lightly, um … her mother was married to the first son of the family and so there were pretty heavy expectations put on her and she was expected to do a bunch of maternal caretaking for free and to not complain about it. And she was looked down upon by other members of the family. Not entirely sure why—maybe it was because my grandma’s family’s status wasn’t the same as the status of the family of the guy she married, but, either way, from what I understand, there was significant mistreatment and emotional abuse and it wasn’t a good time.

My mom had a sense of that, the other cousins kind of singled her and her older sister out. The, the patriarch of the family, I think her grandfather, would pick a child and question them at mealtimes and my mom did not like that pressure. He was a difficult man to read and she just didn’t know what he wanted and she ... [sigh] it was a source of stress for her, she wasn’t a fan. So she remembers these trips as unhappy. She remembers knowing she’d have to eat boiling hot noodles in the sweltering, humid summers of Japan because noodles were the family patriarch’s favorite dish. Just general unpleasantries.

At least twice—maybe more?—on the drives to this summer house, the taxi driver would seem to be lost. It was like the path turned into a loop. More time than it should’ve taken to reach the summer house would go by. And then my mom would notice that her older sister was squeezing her hand. She would look over, and her older sister would tell her, quietly, that she’d seen the same tree multiple times. This struck my mom as kinda strange ‘cause she would look out the window and just see a blur of trunks, no singular tree discernible amongst the swath of them, but her sister said what she said and eventually the taxi driver would pull over and get out of the car to do some small activity. Maybe go have a smoke, maybe circle the car a little bit and mutter. Then they would get back in the car, get back on the road, and the path would sort itself out. They’d get to the house late and the taxi driver would offer a reduced rate to make up for the trouble.

My mom says she doesn’t remember where she’d heard this, but this is what she told me about this phenomenon: when you find yourself on a path that turns into a loop, you may see an inn. That inn will have a door, and behind that door will be a long hallway that doesn’t have anybody in it. You should not pull over into the parking lot of this inn, you should not knock on the door—not for food, not for water, not for directions, not for anything—and you should definitely not go in. What you’re supposed to do is find a place to stop, to break the cycle, to get off the road. Take a little break, exit your vehicle if you have to, don’t stray far. Then get back in and you will find the path takes you where it’s supposed to take you.

I asked her what deity or creature is responsible for this driving diversion and she says she doesn’t know. It’s all very mysterious. Chthf—[laughs]. Chthonic earth magic really be that way.

So yeah. Now that we’re on the ghost topic, the spiritualism topic, I did think of something. I wish more occult-y stuff happened to me, that would be exciting, make me a believer, why don’t you—again, making invitations I may live to regret [laughs]. But there is something I take notice of every so often. It hasn’t happened for a long time, but, especially back when I was in Japanese school—which I did from kindergarten … no, from preschool, up through … no, from kindergarten up through the end of middle school, I’m pretty sure—we would have field day at least once a year. Granted, Japanese school was a four-hour session every Saturday, it wasn’t after school every day for me, but it was an occurrence, and I wasn’t always a fan of it because why do I have to have an extra day of school when my friends get to have two days of weekend? So there were ups and downs and there were times I was grateful for it and times I was less grateful for it … and overall that shakes out to a net positive, I guess; thanks parents, thanks for pushing me. I’m glad I have a basic third-grader’s amount of Japanese vocabulary and sentence structure. That’s all I retained but it’s better than nothing.

Anyway, we had field day every year, I remember being in the indoor gym—this is important—being in the indoor gym, digging through my backpack, pushed up against all the other backpacks at the side of the gymnasium, and seeing a flicker of something out of the corner of my eye? It moved the way a butterfly does, a sort of uncertain hover, very quick and noncommittal. I don’t remember what color it was. I think it might’ve been gray. But I couldn’t look at it because someone called my name—one of my friends—and I looked over at them and they were telling me it’s time to line up to go do one of the, one of the sports day activities. Tie your hitai-ate around your head already—tie the strip of cloth that’s red on one side, white on the other, the two colors of the Japanese flag and the two teams that you could be placed on to either one of for field day activities—and, uh, get your butt over here already, man. [Note: The term for this cloth is actually “hachimaki”; “hitai-ate” refers to a forehead-tie from the Naruto manga and anime. My bad!]

I looked back where I thought I saw a flutter, obviously nothing was there, and I went and did field day. This happened also at an outdoor field day. Some years before or after, again, I was sitting somewhere, on the grass I think, on the hilly part of the courtyard, and I remember seeing a flutter and I think, this time, it was white … I’ve seen grey flutters, black flutters, and white flutters. I think most often white … probably because it’s light shifting from a door that moves, but you know, who knows. But yeah, I remember telling my mom about these too; I tend to, whenever anything vaguely interesting that is possibly of a spiritual nature happens, and I think she was puzzled about them? She didn’t seem to be concerned, she didn’t seem to be thrilled.

But yeah. Yeah. There is a very tenuous thread that weaves my whole life together and it is various shades of spirit butterflies, I guess. If that’s really so, the universe is in good hands. Good paws … good feet? Good wings?

[ Hi, I’m here to break the no-edits rule that this podcast promised you [laughs]. I have one more thought to add to this meditation. When I was 10 years old, maybe, on a trip to Japan to the Inari shrine, specifically, I was “called” into the woods—supposedly—by the Inari god. The fox god. The Trickster god. That is how my mom remembers this, that is how she told it to my grandma, who was as concerned as my mom was.

I don’t remember it this way. I remember seeing a path in the bamboo shoots and just thinking it was cool and trodden on but not as much as the main path … so I should follow it. See where it goes. Why not? The wind whistled past me as I was running down, and then I heard my mom yell, and I guess she seemed farther away than I thought I had managed to get by that point. But I turned around, and I went back to her, and she was upset.

Having talked to her about this more over the years, she’s since revealed that there’s supposedly a cart that sells dark talismans off the beaten path of the Inari shrine. Normally, at most shrines, you will be able to purchase various talismans for good health, for success, for … good romance, for positive studying results. But then this other cart, which is harder to get too and off to the side, sells bad luck totems and wishes for death upon individuals of your choosing … talismans of that nature. So when I thought I was running down any old little path, my mom thought I was being called to the dark cart. [Laugh]. So I guess, in retrospect, I see why that was troubling to her.

Another thing about the Inari shrine is that you can buy little pieces of paper that are cut in the shape of a fox and they tell you … your fortune, pretty much? Yeah. You don’t get to see what it says until you’ve bought one, obviously, there’s a container full of them, you pay, you pick one out. And we did them, my mom got ... I think middle luck, or something? I think my dad might’ve gotten bad luck, or one step above bad luck. But I got big luck … I got the, the best option they have in there, and that struck my mom as strange because apparently Inari-san doesn’t really favor anyone? Or if they do, their favor is fickle, because they’re a trickster god. They just, they just like watching things burn. They don’t have loyalties ... to people. We’re just little dolls to them that they can maneuver for fun. ]

Alright, well, this has been fun. Thank you for that. Always good to talk to you. I’ll catch you on the next.

#snowed in podcast #snowedinpodcast #sip #this one was recorded on #201015 #and the quoted song is Sakasama No Chou by SNoW #spirit butterflies

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elibasila · 4 years

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5: a search for the indefinite

astrology n stuff

Background -

I wanted to look into astrology, specifically analyze/observe why there is such value held in that field of knowledge, especially within communities that I’m involved in. I wanted to see if astrology’s relationship with spirituality had a profound effect on certain people and why it has such an effect in the first place. In my own personal views I believe myself to be an agnostic person (with a very healthy dose of fear/curiosity in the supernatural and spiritual practices) who has a lot of history with the Protestant church, and christianity in general (of which I don’t believe anymore). However, relating to how I usually interact with astrology/most notably the zodiac I usually don’t take astrology as seriously as many others do, and don’t find significant purpose within, but am extremely willing and excited to learn about the diverse range of esoteric practices/beliefs. Even within the past couple years I’ve been at college and have progressed more in higher education I find myself seeking out and trying to understand fringe/esoteric practices/groups, so within this practice I’d like to further understand a popular concept within my own queer communities. So I wanted to analyze my own position/status within the structure of astrology (figure out my sun, moon and rising signs and see how I feel about them), while also investigating why this concept is such a popular one within the queer community.

Practice 1 -

A while ago I downloaded CoStar which is an app that keeps track of your astrological cycles and signs (in a very detailed manner) and also gives daily or weekly horoscopes as well as letting you link up with your friends’ signs and cycles as well. I gave them the proper information to find my sign(s) which are: Taurus Sun, Aries Moon, and a Rising Leo.

With that in mind I skimmed through the app’s information on my signs and the overall cycles, most of which the overall cycles I didn’t understand like the House systems. According to the app and to others who’ve shared their views on my signs, their perspective on my personality was as follows:

I have romantic tendencies in relationships (lmao)

I’m a stable, home bodied person

I prioritize comfort above all else

I’m associated and connected most with the Earth/nature

The signs that are most compatible with my Sun sign is: Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces, and the least compatible sign are: Leo and Aquarius

I’m the most practical, efficient and hard working person ever

I’m extremely stubborn and possessive and stuck in my ways/rigid

Now personally I think that my star signs or the perceptions associated with them weren’t really accurate to myself (in my own perspective) and to what I remember or identify with my daily behavior and thoughts. I can understand some of them like my need for comfort and stability, which strongly reminds me that I am the type of person who won’t go out of their way, or really try to be ambitious as I like being comfortable, even if it potential stagnancy.

However, the ones that I disagree with most would have to be my star signs association with how people viewed me as a romantic partner. To be clear, I am asexual (as far as I know) and have been in one prior relationship before, which totals my romantic experience to one, so maybe I haven’t experienced enough to say that these assumptions aren’t true. But, I do know myself well enough (even if my hormone levels are in 2nd puberty right now) to know that I am definitely not (and never was) a ‘romantic’ person, and my love language is far from the conventional methods of professing love/affection. I’m a very quiet person, who hates a lot of physical affection/contact and quite regularly will avoid any physically intimate awkward situations as I’m also unsure of how to function in traditionally romantic relationships/scenerios.

Another assumption that I believe to be inaccurate was my association with rigidness and being ‘stuck in my ways’, as I feel that I may function on a rigid routine but my way of thinking has been very fluid and loose over time. I’ve changed more in 2 years than in the past 18 years of my life as I’ve been put in a lot of different situations/places I wasn’t raised in/unfamiliar with, and I feel adaptability kind of weighs out my own rigidity/inflexibility.

Practice 2 -

Thinking about my past experiences in exclusively queer situations/spaces I’ve noticed a majority of the people I heard would reference astrology, their astrological signs and others’ astrological signs a lot (like a lot). And at first I thought it was more of an inside joke because I myself didn’t know what they talking about (as I didn’t know what all the signs were in first place) and then quickly realized that when I would interact with some people in a dating space (like Tinder, Bumble, just talking with potential romantic partners) they would ask about it (in a serious manner). I realized even quicker that a lot of people mainly want to know these sort of things so that they can judge the compatibility of a potential relationship (or an existing relationship). And there are some who go a little further and completely avoid others who have incompatible signs with their own (or signs they just don’t plain like) and/or drop the person they were talking to when they’d learn their sign.

So initially, this was very confusing to me and I didn’t really get it (honestly I still don’t really get it), as I didn’t understand the logic of astrology’s relationship with ‘relationships’ and what the consequences were. So I did what anyone else would do and I looked it up, and I’ll link below some of the articles that I found most interesting on this topic.

https://www.them.us/story/queer-skeptics-who-reject-astrology

http://www.newnownext.com/queer-lgbtq-astrology-horoscope-stars/01/2019/

https://www.autostraddle.com/believe-it-or-not-only-28-of-queer-women-believe-in-astrology-but-50-check-their-horoscopes-anyway-434287/

https://mashable.com/2018/05/04/astrology-lgbtq-stars-resurgence-diverse-voices/

https://www.outfrontmagazine.com/trending/stuff-gay-people-like-astrology/

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/evgg9a/the-rise-of-the-queer-astrology-movement

https://hellogiggles.com/lifestyle/importance-astrology-online-queer-communities/

After reading these articles it started to make more and more sense as to why queer/LGBT+ communities/people tend to gravitate more towards astrology. A lot of the queer community has been historically (and in the present day) rejected and pushed out of organized religious spaces, especially during their formative years. I would think that this would definitely have a profound effect on many people’s relationship with spirituality, coping and their search to make sense of the world they’re in. A lot of what I’ve heard and felt is the need to be able to make sense of things, to be able to find something that can give meaning/purpose or clarity especially when you’re part of a marginalized community who’s suffered a lot of trauma associated with religion/spirituality. There’s also the flip-side to that coin of the believers vs the non-believers who believe that it’s counter-productive or harmful to believe in these things like astrology. Within the first article they cite that it makes queer people an easy target to be taken advantage of, and that their money can be easily cheated by preying on people who are already disadvantaged.

There’s also the real concern, and issue of white people (white queer/LGBT+ people) appropriating indigenous and non-Western spirituality practices/beliefs and how they can/are wildly misinterpreted. That a lot of non-native/white queer people use these practices/beliefs as “magical solutions to real problems”. The rampant misuse/misinterpretation of indigenous/non-white practices/beliefs can spread a lot of misinformation and potentially hurt queer communities of color that have been historically ostracized/discriminated against for their own cultures’ beliefs.

With these topics about spirituality and religious practices there are complex intersections especially when talking about the queer community and how those intersect with race, ethnicity and identity. I don’t think there’s a definitive answer as to why queer people gravitate towards it, but there are definitely real/valid observations being made that are happening in relation to non-Western esoteric practices/beliefs. With these intersections in mind thinking about my own relationship to spirituality, and the search for the indefinite.

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narcissusanasui · 6 years

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all of an 😎

*em. all of em. jesus christ.

god katie, fInE (but thanks, cherie, love yo

1. if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

Read Les Mis, watch Game of Thrones and Voltron, listen to folk rock (especially Phillip Phillips and Mumford & Sons)

2. have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?

Never really thought about that, but the writing styles of Dickens, Doyle, and Austin always stick in my head so i guess them???

3. list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.

katie NO, that’s TOO MUCH. so i guess i’ll just give examples of the ones that i have actually thought about relating to:

Katara from A:tla was like THE strong female character of my childhood. Guarantee that she made me a feminist

Lance from Voltron because i spent way too much time like 4th grade through 11th worrying that i was that “seventh wheel” and thinking that i didn’t have a lot of skill and i wanna support my friends so yeah

Yuuri Katsuki from Yuri on Ice. look what the world did to this guy - he’s got anxiety

Ennoshita Chikara from Haikyuu because BOI I ALWAYS GET SHOVED INTO HAVING TO LEAD PEOPLE BUT IT TOOK ME YEARS TO UNDERSTAND IT

Sugawara Koushi from Haikyuu. i am the Mom Friend and i will fight you

4. do you like your name? is there another name you think would fit you better?

i do like my name. my parents almost named me Colleen - which i don’t think fits, but then again i believe that we all grow to fit our names. i hated my last name as a little kid because no one would say it right (an issue that exists today too) and like when i started elementary school i straight up kept the spelling of it on a piece of paper in my pocket so i wouldnt mess up. now i love it and i think my name flows really well and if i get married i might not change it.

5. do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do?

well i call myself a human being. and while my actions are important to me, thinking too much about what i do and what i couldve done gets me freaked out so instead i sit and just be. i’ll think calmly and exist

6. are you religious/spiritual?

im agnostic - raised Roman Catholic (but even then we werent strict about following it but i did do ccd and my sacraments so yeah). i want to believe that there is something but there just isnt enough solid evidence for me to be comfortable and if there is some god or force or something, i am a minuscule piece of the massive universe and that god wouldnt give a shit so why should they influence my decisions? i love religions tho. they have fascinating history and i love seeing all the similarites because it just shows how so many humans are all so similarly spiritual and through seeing those similarites it makes me feel more spiritual because i know my catholic upbringing shaped me as a person and i know that there has to be a deeper meaning behind the world’s religions being so connected

7. do you care about your ethnicity?

yes. im fifty shades of white, but the larger pieces of my background are the cultures that my family celebrate still today and they are what i identify as. im italian-irish-american with a polish last name and i will eat my cuisine and wear the Callahan family crest and hopefully make it to Avelino someday

8. what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime?

i was raised on billy joel and elton john so their music is built into me with such a powerful level of nostalgia that i will feel like im back in my house before we repainted it and replaced the furniture and im dancing like an idiot to crocodile rock at age 4 again. PP and M&S hit my emotions hard since i first heard them, but M&S’s Sigh No More album will forever equal driving to chicago because we played that album and only that album the. whole. time. except at night because thats when billy joel comes out

9. are you an artist?

at the most basic definition yes. i make art for fun and relaxation through music and writing and doodling and crafts

10. do you have a creed?

i just want to be content with my life when i die. i want to know that i loved and supported people the best i could. so i guess always put the family first (family being whoever i deem to be in that category). and don’t be an asshole.

11. describe your ideal day.

not too hot or cold, like the temperature fall shouldve been. hiking a trail or mountain with changing leaves, watch some of my favorite shows, go to one of my favorite small restaurants.

12. dog person or cat person?

cat.

13. inside or outdoors?

inside

14. are you a musician?

yes

15. five most influential books over your lifetime.

stoppppppp. Tale of Two Cities, Catch-22, Pride & Prejudice, Night, To Kill a Mockingbird

16. if you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same?

nope. i grew up 30-60 minutes from some of the most important locations in american history. went to them way too many times as a kid so then when i was a teen i just snapped like “wait some people only come here once in their lives and thats why we have so many annoying tourists! because this kind of stuff ISNT NORMAL?!” and now im a history major so yeah

17. would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the “real you”?

almost. i cant really be fully myself because that involves way too much of my personal life and im scared of accidentally pissing people off on the internet so there is a little bit more filter here

18. what’s your patronus?

i actually dont know because i lost my pottermore login forever ago so i never actually did that quiz

19. which Harry Potter house would you be in? or are you a muggle?

im ravenclaw with hufflepuff as my secondary, so im a ravenpuff, but ravenclaw is totally my main

20. would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else?

Hogwarts or the world of Avatar (not the blue people one) - like after war when everything is chill and magical

21. do you love easily?

when i get attached to someone, good luck getting rid of me, im here for the long haul, so yes

22. list the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order.

listening to music, thinking about fictional stories i want to write, reading, watching videos, actually writing (whether that be my journal or my fiction or hw)

23. how often would you want to see your family every year?

as much as possible

24. have you ever felt like you had a “mind-meld” with someone?

as when i felt perfectly in sync talking to someone? yes with my history prof and with my father

25. could you live as a hermit?

im an introvert but id miss my loved ones too much

26. how would you describe your gender/sexuality?

im cis female and im asexual (somewhere on the spectrum), my romantic attraction is something im still figuring out

27. do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the “real you”?

katie considering you figured me out basically on sight, yes

28. on a scale from 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin?

5 or 6?

29. three songs that you connect with right now.

“Africa” by Toto because it’s still in my head. “Float On” by Modest Mouse. “Sound of Change” by Dirty Head.

30. pick one of your favorite quotes.

“I am the one thing in life I can control. I am inimitable. I am an original.” - said by Aaron Burr in Hamilton

katie i shouldve been finishing my essay

I would say send me a number but this is done now lol so go reblog it and join the fun

#bimikes. asks #katie #bimikes

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cameronrutters-blog · 4 years

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During class we had watched a documentary on Madalyn Murray O'Hair. To give a little bit of background on her, she was an activist for the atheist community and highly supported separation of church and state. She was criticized and known as the “most hated woman in America.” She gained many followers, who in which one of these was her son and promoted her beliefs himself. She was most known for her trials with exempting the teaching of the bible within public schools. The court voted in O’Hair’s favor and ordered that public bible readings by students in schools were unconstitutional. At this time, during the sixties, atheism was mostly frowned upon. Christianity was seen as the main way of life, and any belief outside this system was considered sinful. O’hair herself was viewed as a demon of some sort. Although she was an extremist in many ways, her attributes have had many long term effects. Despite all the hatred and backlash she received, she continued to fight for what she thought was constitutional for 30 years. She suffered from a horrific death and was murdered for not believing in the supernatural.

In an article written by Paul Thorton, that is titled: “Opinion: Atheist activists were once punching bags. Now, readers revere them,” we can see the evolution of how atheism had unfolded. The title is vividly explaining the development of atheism over the years and how it is becoming more respected. For example, this is a quote from a devoted anti-atheist activist, “I don’t know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots.” People would dehumanize them just because of their beliefs. Political figures are now raising their voice on their religious beliefs. Instead of acting in a rash manner, civilians are respecting those who proceed to be identified as atheist. The article then goes on to explain how being an atheist does not interfere with politics at all, but still are urged to solve problems involved with religion. Thorton states, “In fairness to Reagan and other atheists like me, we do not blame all of the world’s problems on religion, just the many problems attached to religion. True, some of the most murderous men in history were confirmed atheists.” It is almost seen as courageous that these men have spoken up rather than keeping their beliefs to themselves. This shows how drastically people’s views have changed on atheists. From personal experience, I grew up in a household where atheism was always frowned upon. Having a very divided family, my mom being agnostic and dad being a devout christian, I have always explored into religion and been curious. I understand that people have their beliefs that atheists are sinners, but if they are not harming you, we shouldn’t harm them. Everyone has their different spiritual beliefs and deserves to be treated equally because of this. At the end of the day, if someone’s beliefs are not directly affecting you, the right thing to do is to focus on yourself.

#letters to the editor

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theinnermachinations-blog1 · 6 years

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Wrestling With God

So I don’t know what I consider myself. I don’t think agnostic is the right label since that seems to be a more neutral perspective and I guess I lean towards more belief then lack. But what do I believe really?

To start with I think you can’t dispute or prove the existence of god. Science can’t prove everything because we’ll always have that conundrum of time. The impossibility of there being a start of time and something being birthed from nothing. It’s the ultimate paradox. Ironically some who are sure there are no god have no problem believing we could be in a computer simulation so there’s a cyber god.

So given that it can’t be disproved all we have is possibility. So what are the odds of god. The issue is what do we mean by god? I think I’ve come to believe that instead of man in the sky I consider god to be everything outside. The thing bigger then ourselves. So from a buddhist and christian background I can’t dispute the buddhist idea of reincarnation. If some kids can eerily remember past lives with unerring accuracy or that the dalai lama can be identified at a young age from his supposed incarnated self, well it’s logical if you believe in soul or that consciousness isn’t bounded. But is the lack of absolute belief in that or any religion an issue?

So I go to church and enjoy it and enjoy reading buddhism and understand many stories and meanings and recognize their value. I understand their advantages from a societal standpoint, which isn’t a reason to implement but maybe it is (depending on the goal).

So if we can’t escape the ethic that we grew up in that’s based on religious tenets what is wrong with the humanism tenets?

The problem I find is when you elevate the individual as the absolute, as the highest point, you make their actions completely subjective. Like these statements “strive to work together for the common good of humanity. We want to protect and enhance the earth, to preserve it for future generations, and to avoid inflicting needless suffering on other species.” One they’re contradictory since people have a cost. What is the common good of humanity? Happiness, wealth, food, hedonism? It’s not something that can be defined and is subjective to the individual. Why not kill 50 million for the common good?

So great if you believe in altruism but for one who chooses not to why not? Religious punishment (afterlife) or state punishment? In religion at least there’s the guide to live but also the why (afterlife). In an atheistic system the only why is fear from the state or social inclusion. If you’re socially excluded what do you have to lose? And why should people let you in if it’s not for a common good?

I can’t get other this issue that when nothing is above the individual, god or the divine, that you yourself are like a god and thus you’re free to bend things to your will any way you see fit. If I’m dying why not full on hedonism with death and destruction behind? I don’t think you can explain be good to others with rationality. Sure you can explain the cost benefit ratios but you can rationalize bad choices that way. I can cheat this person and that’s fine cause I won’t be disadvantaged socially or in future business.

It says be moral but what does that mean? Can you just say be moral when the window of what is moral is continually shifting? I can’t see any statement that all life no matter how heinous their past actions is divine. So why not purge undesirables? Why not just die instead of endure suffering.

Does it come back to the selfish desires idea I had as a teen? That since technically all actions (even altruistic) is selfish as the person picks that action as their preference to another. I prefer doing this for someone for how it makes me feel.

Maybe instead of picking apart why nihilistic/atheistic thinking doesn’t work I should think more why I believe what I believe.

I believe that following these old system of values, these truths about life help you get through life. The belief that there is something bigger then ourselves but encompasses all of us brings us together. Friend or enemy we’re all part of something bigger and we can’t judge others too harshly as we are as evil as they are and they are as good as us.

I guess in religion failure to follow the proper path comes at a cost to your soul. In ideologies where there is no soul there is no cost besides physical or social. There is no understanding of the deepness of these things inside us we can’t explain. When you rationalize things you know are wrong you know yourself you’re fooling yourself.

I don’t think I’m just trying to put afterlife insurance on. In opening myself to the belief that there’s something bigger for some reason that’s freeing. Even if I don’t know or believe for sure that it exists or I can clarify what it is. We’re part of this beautiful cycle and life is what we make of it. The fact these stories exist and are so true are such proof we’re not alone. That our trials and tribulations have been shared across time. Their absolute truth in human existence means you share something with everyone and so you can sympathize with them all and not feel alone.

Maybe we need religion just to teach us the truth. We won’t know the truth any other way. It gives us solace, and maybe the best thing we can do is keep an open mind of the existence. We can’t explain it, we can’t science it away but we can explain it through religious language. God is so abstract we can only explain with abstraction.

I think for once I feel comfortable, with my place in the universe, my place in the world, how I am before whatever the definition of god is. I can see the advantages and I don’t feel I’ve had to sacrifice any intelligence or rationality to get there. Life, existence, the universe is so incredibly irrational how could you ever rationalize that!

I don’t pray anymore. I used to pray when I believed, well not believed but hoped there was a divine figure overseeing all. I don’t really believe that now or maybe it’s not that I don’t believe it’s just I don’t try to rely on prayer (although it’s useful for stating your goals/dreams). Either way I see the beauty in life, I’m less resentful, I’m less hateful, more understanding and I’m very content and I think I can handle the oncoming suffering. It’s wonderful.

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How Wolfenstein 2’s hero attracts on his Jewish heritage for power

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How Wolfenstein 2’s hero attracts on his Jewish heritage for power

We’ve by no means been informed outright if B.J. Blazkowicz is Jewish. Followers have questioned for years if his Nazi-killing methods had been in any manner motivated by faith, and with good cause: Whereas the builders have mentioned that they all the time thought he was Jewish, it wasn’t till Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus that audiences lastly bought their affirmation.

B.J. is half-Jewish, particularly. He’s the kid of a Jewish mom and a Texan, anti-Semitic father. I bought a kick out of this as a result of, more often than not, individuals don’t understand I’m Jewish both.

[Warning: The next accommodates main spoilers for the Wolfenstein collection.]

It’s not simply due to my final identify, which is laughably Italian, however I’ve additionally been informed that I don’t “look” Jewish sufficient. Centuries of stereotyping have dictated what I’m alleged to appear like, and that usually features a large nostril and curly hair.

My mom is a Jew of Japanese European descent, and my father is Italian. I used to be raised Jewish, per the custom that Judaism is handed alongside the mom’s facet. I went to Hebrew college, the place I discovered to learn Hebrew and take part in Jewish customs.

I had a bat mitzvah, the place I learn from the Torah in entrance of a big group of my Roman Catholic relations. I went to Jewish sleepaway camp, attended synagogue on Saturdays and would quick on Yom Kippur. I didn’t adhere to strict practices, and I ultimately went on to guide an agnostic life, however being Jewish typically turns into a big a part of your identification anyway.

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I all the time had the sense that I didn’t belong. Everyone I knew was Jewish on either side, as a result of even in my mother and father’ technology, a Jewish particular person not marrying one other Jew was practically blasphemous. It nonetheless is in conservative circles. An authority determine informed me that I wasn’t an actual Jew after I was a teen, and will by no means develop into one as a result of I had a Catholic father. He additionally mentioned I couldn’t elevate Jewish kids.

We are able to assume that B.J. didn’t get a lot of a Jewish schooling moreover what he picked up from his mom. We all know that she’s at the very least considerably spiritual; B.J. wakes up from a beating from his father to listen to her saying the Birkhat HaGomel, which is a prayer mentioned after an sickness or harm. The sport exhibits us that he reads somewhat Hebrew, however not sufficient to be helpful.

He additionally doesn’t observe any Jewish traditions or practices. B.J. appears to keep away from the topic of faith altogether. That fits him, since he typically goes undercover, and his Aryan options — identified to us by Frau Engel in The New Order — make him inconspicuous. He appears to be like like, in some ways, the right Nazi specimen.

It’s laborious to know whether or not MachineGames and the writers on Wolfenstein had been totally conscious of the implications of creating B.J. half-Jewish. Having him be Jewish in any respect places a lot of his motivations into perspective, and it permits him to have some connection together with his heritage whereas additionally being barely faraway from it.

That in flip makes The New Colossus a sport that’s subtly about B.J. coming to phrases together with his personal previous.

“You haven’t any concept what it’s prefer to endure like I do,” B.J.’s father tells his mom.

A younger B.J. is trapped in a closet, overhearing his mom and father argue. There are some cash troubles within the Blaskowicz family. Zofia, his mom, blames Rip, his father, for squandering the household’s enterprise, whereas Rip is livid as a result of he noticed B.J. hanging out with a black lady. It’s Rip who sees himself as the actual sufferer within the household, regardless of the management he wields over everybody and the beatings he appears to offer out at common intervals. He’s the one struggling, and nobody else can relate.

That is ironic, after all, since such an enormous portion of Jewish historical past is predicated on struggling. You be taught concerning the Holocaust lengthy earlier than you possibly can perceive the idea of demise. That schooling occurs even earlier in case you have an ancestor that was killed.

You be taught to learn Hebrew in Hebrew college, however that’s additionally the place you study all the opposite profitable and tried genocides of the Jewish individuals. Nearly all of Jewish holidays — Hanukkah, Pesach (Passover), Purim — are celebrations of how we survived an effort to subjugate or destroy us.

B.J.’s mom has a black eye the primary time we meet her; she has suffered as properly. We later discover out that Rip offered her out to the Nazis after America’s give up. This may have been B.J.’s destiny as properly if he hadn’t gone off to combat in World Conflict II, and Rip turns his son in after they meet later in life.

Rip is every thing that B.J. hates: racist, anti-Semitic and a violent Nazi-sympathizer. Rip’s objective in elevating B.J. was to not be an excellent father, however to maintain him away from his Jewish roots.

“All matter of scum and sickly minds … doing every thing of their energy to rid the white man of what he’s earned,” Rip tells B.J. at one level. “It’s on us to straighten out the queer.” That is the duty that Rip feels, and it’s one thing he tries to cross onto his son. Rip needs to boost his son to assist him obtain a racially pure future.

B.J.’s mom tries to steadiness that hatred with love. Zofia offers our hero an engagement ring that had been handed down via the household for eight generations. That is an object that follows B.J. into The New Colossus and turns into his sole bodily attachment to his heritage — an vital heirloom in a world the place the Nazis gained. It’s later taken from him by a Nazi.

He additionally has a religious attachment to his religion. He clings on to his faith’s fundamentals, even in demise. “Was I righteous and simply?” he asks his mom. “Adequate to witness the awe of heaven?” However it’s shallow at finest. He seems like he’s going to hell at one level, despite the fact that Judaism doesn’t imagine within the idea within the conventional sense.

Set Roth is essentially the most explicitly Jewish character within the sport, each in his frequent use of Yiddish and his data of Da’at Yichud, a society based mostly in Jewish mysticism. Wyatt, one other supporting character (who might have died in your playthrough), has a narrative in his timeline that entails Kabbalah hallucinations. It looks as if even he, as somebody not of the faith, has a better connection to Judaism than B.J. exhibits within the sport.

But B.J. is surrounded with reminders of each his mother and father. His Aryan options are admired by one German character, and he later goes undercover in a focus camp. He continues to hold the ring his mom gave him, and it begins to symbolize hope for his future. He has causes to cover his identification in these conditions, however The New Colossus exhibits us that he discovered to be ashamed of who he was lengthy earlier than the Nazis took over.

“It should finish higher than it started,” Zofia tells a grieving B.J at one level within the sport.

Now we have lengthy held onto this hope, even amid our years of wrestle. A whole e-book of the Torah reiterates how we had been enslaved 1000’s of years in the past. We set ourselves free, however then needed to wander within the desert for many years. We ended up settling in Canaan (modern-day Israel), however are attacked quite a few instances all through the centuries. A holy wall nonetheless stands in Jerusalem as a reminder that we proceed on, even when the temple that was as soon as there may be gone.

And this was all earlier than centuries of prejudice, discrimination, expulsion and genocide. I can’t rely all of the examples that we got in Hebrew college, and that’s earlier than the Holocaust comes up.

We might toast to the “subsequent 12 months in Jerusalem,” as my grandfather would learn from the Haggadah in the course of the Passover Seder. This mantra symbolizes not that we’d actually go to Israel, however that we’d overcome our struggles as soon as once more and be united in peace.

Zofia giving B.J. hope for the longer term is smart throughout the context of centuries of Jewish custom. It’s in all probability essentially the most outright Jewish second in your complete collection. Right here’s a Jewish lady, abused and diminished to her most stereotypical attributes — Rip married her as a result of he thinks that Jews are good with cash — however who holds out hope for her son. She instilled Jewish optimism in B.J. from the very starting, even when he didn’t understand it on the time.

When B.J. is placed on trial for his actions, which takes place as an escape fantasy, he reunites together with his mom. He tells her about all of the issues she’ll be lacking, and about his guilt over leaving the household.

“All hardship is non permanent. Have you learnt this? And most of it’s inevitable,” she tells him. “We maintain combating even when we have no idea how.”

This sense of hope, which is predicated in recognizing the unhealthy that’s occurred whereas sustaining perception within the good to come back, is Zofia’s most vital present to her son. B.J.’s function and drive comes from the teachings of his Jewish background. He continues combating, and even finally will get the engagement ring again, proposing to Anya.

If we take the ring as the one relic of his Jewish heritage, then rescuing it’s greater than taking again an object that belongs to him. B.J. can also be taking his Judaism again from Engel, the sadistic Nazi, and he’s then in a position to cross it alongside in his household, persevering with eight generations of custom. If B.J. continues to outlive his combat in opposition to the Nazis, we are able to assume that he’ll cross the ring alongside to his kids.

We see B.J. accepting his heritage whereas refusing to let go of hope for the longer term, even when the sport doesn’t say that explicitly.

Holding onto that ring turns into essentially the most righteous act of defiance in your complete sport. Jewish historical past has all the time been about stubbornness and a refusal to die — B.J.’s journey is simply our latest instance.

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