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oingo233 · 4 years

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By The Lake*Part Two

Summary: A family friend offers you a place to stay to get away from an abusive past. Her home is a place that you are familiar with, an old town with a large lake you spent many days in. You went there years ago for one full summer, where you became close friends with a very young Daryl Dixon. You two were inseparable until you had to leave. But now you’re back, escaping from a past much like his. You will need to weave your way through the town's problematic people, your own problems, and above all the confusing Dixon. Will you two find your way back to each other again? Or will he push you further away? And above all, will your past cease to haunt you?

Part One * Part Three * Part Four * Part Five

Pairing: Young Daryl Dixon x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of abuse and violence(potential triggers), cussing, more mature themes(not smut or anything tho), slow burn romance

Authors Note: Daryl Dixon is a character from the amazing show The Walking Dead, but this story is modern AU so not with all the walkers and everything. I don’t own and I didn’t create his character. Also this story is in no means meant to romanticize abuse, that stuff isn’t romantic. It is such a terrible, terrible thing, but it is sadly a very common thing as well. Throughout this series I only hope that I can spread awareness about the matter, and let people know that they aren’t alone, things will get better, and that no one is deserving of any kind of abuse. Ever. Anyways, I’m done with my rant, I hope y’all like it, and if not please send in some constructive criticisms I’m always looking to improve.

Word Count: 2.1k

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The car ride from the ice cream parlor was quite, neither of us even bothered to put on some tunes from the radio. Cherry’s face was bright pink and her fingers kept clenching and unclenching the wheel, I push myself to the corner of the car. Carter used to do the same thing when he was angry. Cherry is not Carter, Cherry is not Carter I repeat to myself over and over again.

Cherry must have noticed my silence, she gives me a forced smile and reaches for the radio. My whole body tenses up and I flinch. The radio starts to play and I feel a soft hand on my knee.

“You’re okay, love. It is those old buffoons I’m pissed about, not you.” You open your eyes and rub at your face, fighting the embarrassed blush.

“I know, I know. It’s just...I’m sorry.” She shakes her head at me.

“Don’t be. None of this is your fault, you’re allowed to cope with your past and feelings in any way that you want. Just know, that if you need anything, anything at all, I’m right next door.” She parks the car outside the white, old house and smiles. She sends me a wink at the sight of my face.

“Next door?” I ask, climbing out the the car. “I thought I came to stay with you?” Cherry rolls her eyes at me.

“Who do you think I am? Of course you’re staying with me, you’re mother would kill me if I sent you into the woods or something. Remember that cabin you and ya mom stayed in way back then?” My mouth falls open. Excitement bubbles throughout my chest at the mere memory of that place. I look behind me, in the direction of the lake, and best of all that cabin. I turn back around at the sound of Cherry giggling.

“Go on then! I’ll bring your bags.” I shake my head at her, fighting my smile.

“Nah, that’s okay. Thank you though. But I really should bring my own bags.” Cherry scoffed at me.

She gave me a pointed look. “You get going and I’ll bring the bags. I insist. When was the last time anyone treated you?” I rush to the back of the trunk before she does and grab my bags with a triumph smirk.

“Uh, about 10 minutes ago.” I say, thinking about the ice cream. She shakes her head and grabs onto the bags with me, tugging at them.

“Let me! Or I’ll send the kids on ya!” I throw my head back in laughter, and in my moment of weakness she grabs my bags from me. She sticks her tongue out at me, and I begin to think she is one of the kids. I shake my head at her.

“Go on, I’ll be right in. Gotta check the bags for drugs or condoms first.” My eyes nearly pop out of my head and she laughs loudly, the noise attracting her family inside the house. The doors burst open and all I see is one navy blur and one pink one rushing towards us like missiles. They both tackle Cherry and she drops my bags to pick the pink one up. From the sound of giggles I can assume it is little miss Rosie, and little dino man Monty.

Monty stares at me with a shy smile from behind his mothers legs. I smile softly at him and wave. His shirt is navy with one of those long necked dinosaurs on them in bright green. I point to it.

“Which one is that?” It takes him a second, but he looks down at his shirt and points at it eagerly. He steps towards me to show me his shirt better.

“This is an alamosaurus. He is one of my favorites, and mom says that if I eat all my salad then there isn’t much difference between us. But I ain’t half as cool. I ‘ave others just like this one, but with different dinosaurs. You wanna see?” He talks a million miles per hour and I try my best to follow along. I was more than ready to go look at his other shirts with him but Cherry sets Rosie down and speaks before I could.

“She’s tired dear. We’re going to let her get settled in then have her over for dinner. After you can show her all your dino’s.” He nods excitedly at me and his mother, making my smile grow. Rosie wasn’t nearly as shy as her brother. She stares my bags and nudges them with her pink sandals, that match her pink dress.

“What’s in ‘ere?” Her cute southern drawl matching everyone else’s. I pick up my bags with a sweet smile to her, then give a meaningful look to her mother.

“Ain’t nothing in here.” I say. Cherry shakes her head with a smile. Of course she knew I would never bring drugs onto her home. Mark walks out with a large smile on his face. He engulfs me in a bear hug and I try not to cringe at all the physical contact I’m getting today. I force myself to breath and hug him back, a warm welcome didn’t used to be so foreign to me after all.

“It is so great to have you stay with us (Y/N)! We could use the baby sitter.” He looks back at Cherry with a wink and we both giggle.

“I would happily look after the kids whenever you need me to. It’s the least I could do.”

“I’m glad to hear that, because we might actually need ya to tomorrow. I know it is a bit soon, but Daryl is comin’ over to work on my car, and Cherry will be outta town. But it ain’t much to keep ‘em happy, just hang in the lake or somethin’“ He finishes with a shrug. “And we’ll pay ya!” He turns around and kisses Cherry on the forehead and I take that as my que to leave. I thank them, and take my bags with me in the direction of the cabin. Occupied with the kids and Mark, Cherry didn’t seem to care that I was the one with my bags, which I was thankful for. I hate people doing things for me.

The cabin is only about a 1-2 minute walk from the house, it used to be a place to store worms and fishing supplies for the lake, but when Cherry bought the house she made in into a little place for people to stay when they came to visit. It had a beautiful view of the lake. The lake is what the town calls it, it doesn’t have any special name, it’s just here. A large lake on this side of town, only about 5 minutes walking distance from Cherry’s and the Henderson's house. So half of the lake faces their property, and the other half faces a beautiful forest. That’s where I first met Daryl.

Oh god Daryl! He was coming over tomorrow and I am almost certain he wants nothing to do with me. I was really hoping Daryl and I could be friends again, he was probably the one thing I was most looking forward to when I moved here.

My thoughts came to a halt when I saw the little cabin in all it’s glory. It had green paint, chipping in ever corner, and some dead leaves caught on the roof. But it felt like the closest thing to home that I have right now. I climb a couple steps onto the porch with two little chairs that face the lake. I set my bags down on the dusty wood, and sit down on one of the chairs.

From here I can see the large, flat rock Daryl and I used to lay on and jump off of. I can see the woods Daryl convinced to go in every once in a while, he’d teach me something he knows about hunting and tracking. I always loved watching Daryl in the woods, it was in them that he seemed most comfortable.

----FlashBack-----

I gripped the crossbow tightly in my hands, Daryl's breath on my neck. He was close, too close. His warm breath tickled, and I can almost hear him thinking “shoot the damn thing already!” But I was too focused on him, and not focused enough on the squirrel.

“(Y/N)...” He whispers into my ear. I didn’t mean to but I shiver, lord help me with this out of control crush. “(Y/N), you gonna shoot the thing?”

No, I’m not I think. I drop the crossbow and let out a loud war cry, watching the squirrel run back up the tree and hide. Daryl lets out a sigh, but I knew that he really wanted to laugh. “What the hell...” He says more to himself as he watches me giggle like mad. He jumped back because of my loudness and I can now breath freely. He always liked to get close to me when we hunted, watching me, whispering tips on what to do. Little did he know that the best tip he could give me, was to not watch at all. I got too nervous.

“I don’t think it had to die Daryl, we can have dinner back at Cherry’s.” I say. He nods at me, silently agreeing. We both sit down, and I hand Daryl back his crossbow. Don’t ask me why a 14 year old is handling one, he never told me. He checked it over making me laugh.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t hurt your baby.” I say sarcastically. He shakes his head at me, laughing, he sets it down and gives me a playful look.

“Just makin’ sure. You’re clumsier than a pig on ice.” I roll my eyes at him and quickly get up, he watches me lazily from the ground.

“Yeah, well maybe I should have killed that squirrel, cause you eat like one.” I say that through a mouthful of laughter, and when I’m done I take off.

“Oh, this ain’t over.” He yells after me, and I can’t hear him get up, but I can hear him chasing after me. I burst through the forest line and he is hot on my trial. The lake glistens before me, I’m standing on the flat rock just outside the forest, it’s about 5 feet above the deep end of the lake. I feel a sense of dread as Daryl comes up laughing behind me.

“Daryl,” I warn, he wouldn’t... He rushes in front of me, an evil smile on his face, his eyes sparkling with mischief. He stops and watches me, his lips pursed in fake thought. Debating whether he should do this or not. I notice how he propped his crossbow against a tree, and I already know what’s going to happen.

“Daryl, please don’t. This shirt was just cleaned...” I whine. He gives me a pouty face before walking closer and closer, until his arms are around me and he walks us over the edge. His laughter rings in my ear as we fall, hardly a second later everything is silent. We were blissfully floating under the water. Daryl swims off of me, but grabs my hand, pulling me to the surface. We both take in deep gulps of air, trying to catch our breaths. But it didn’t matter, we were breathless again as we burst into laughter.

“You’re an ass!” I exclaim, splashing water at his face. He shrugs, a huge smile on his face.

“Maybe.” He says, spitting a mouthful of water at me. We both laugh and spend the day in the lake, not caring that our clothes were wet and dirty.

----End of FlashBack----

I watch the sparkling water until I hear my name being called. I open the cabin doors with a spare key Cherry gave me, and set my bags down. I spare one last look at the lake before running back to Cherry’s white painted house, with chipping paint and rhubarb and other foods growing around in the back. A cute country home.

We ate dinner with friendly banter, and some force eating on Rosie’s end. After dinner Monty only got to show me 3 of his other shirts before he fell asleep on the couch. When the kids were tucked in bed Cherry sent me back to the cabin with some bedtime tea.

I sipped on the steaming tea, while sitting in the same chair as earlier, watching the moon being reflected on the lakes surface. I could live here forever I think. With just my family and friends, Cherry’s family, and I can’t help but think of Daryl being in the mix too. I finish my tea with a frown. I haven’t seen Daryl in years, why does he matter so much to me now? But I think back to that day we spent in the lake, and I know why. I haven’t finished unpacking but I climb into bed anyway, thinking about how I’ll see Daryl again tomorrow.

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angsty-aliens · 4 years

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Truck Stop Knives And Other Accessories of Childhood (2/3)

Thank you a million times to @jocarthage @foramomentonly and @haloud for the beta and brainstorming.

Here is part 2 of what I’ve been calling my “feral stabby baby” fic. Alien tech manifests an inner child for Michael. And that inner child has a knife. You can find part one on Ao3. (CW: discussions of child abuse)

***

Alex’s cabin was a solid half hour out of city limits. Close enough to not be too much of a hassle, but far enough away to not have neighbors. It’d been a while since Michael had been alone with Alex and he tried not to let that nervousness show as he parked.

Things were good. He and Maria broke up amicably. Michael was good at pushing people away. It was a carefully cultivated skill set and eventually even though he tried to be good, it wasn’t fair to Maria. He was a mess and she deserved someone better than him. And throughout all of it, Michael and Alex tried to maintain an alliance if not a friendship. Michael didn’t have friends. He didn’t know how to be one. Closest he had was Liz, and he figured she tolerated him because he was adjacent to Max.

The kid was giving him suspicious looks the longer they lingered in the dark outside the cabin. The lights were on. Alex was clearly home. They just had to knock.

Finally the kid rolled his eyes and kicked the door.

“Hey! You could have knocked!”

Mikey raised an eyebrow, “YOU could have knocked.”

Michael’s retort was cut short by the door opening. Alex. No matter what, seeing Alex made the knot between his shoulders ease. Even when they crashed into each other and pushed on each other’s bruises, Alex still felt like home.

Alex may have been texted the sit-rep for this little alien misadventure, but it was one thing to read his ex-boyfriend had manifested an eleven year old version of himself, and another to see it. To his credit, he only gawked for a second before gesturing them inside.

“So….”

“Uh, yeah. Alex this is me as an eleven year old. Inner Child, this is Alex.”

The kid gave him a look of disgust, “Don’t call me that.”

“Liz was calling him Mikey.” Michael said.

Alex held out a hand to shake, “Michael Guerin, I’m Alex Manes. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

It took an elbow from Michael, but Mikey accepted the hand and gave his best adult impression as he shook it. “So, what happened to your leg?”

Michael’s jaw dropped, “you can’t just ask someone what happened to their leg! What’s wrong with you?!”

“What? He stands weird.”

Alex coughed, “it’s fine. Kids are curious.” He pulled up the hem of his pants to expose the metal prosthetic, “I’m in the Air Force and I lost my leg in combat.”

The kid crouched down to take a closer look and ordered, “I want to see where it connects. Show me how it stays on.”

Michael mumbled an apology, grabbed the back of the kid’s hoodie and marched him into the kitchen.

“You’re not being curious, you’re being an asshole. Stop it.”

The kid exploded in sudden anger and hissed, “YOU brought me to the house of someone in the military! Do you WANT us to be cut open?”

“He knows about aliens. He’s a good guy. No one’s getting vivisected. He’s on our side.”

The little boy threw his hands up in revulsion, “Does EVERYONE in this shitty little town know about aliens?”

“Max resurrected Liz. Apparently once you bring someone back from the dead, the secret gets out. But the people who know are Team Extraterrestrial. No one’s gonna blab to the government. We… trust them.”

Mikey sneered, “Do you?”

“Okay, Max and Isobel trust them. I trust Alex. We can trust Alex.”

“I can’t believe I grew up to be a dipshit.”

“I can’t believe I was such a little prick!”

Alex knocked at the door frame to get their attention, “you guys aren’t exactly being subtle… or quiet. Instead of yelling at each other, do you want dinner? It’s almost 7pm. I can order pizza, or I’ve got some frozen dinners we can microwave.”

The Guerins stood in the kitchen still glaring at each other.

Michael’s jaw clenched, but he broke the silent warfare, “we ate at 4 but we could probably eat again. I can also cook if you want.”

Alex opened an empty cabinet, “If by cook you mean heat up a can of soup, sure. But there’s not really anything else to cook here. I haven’t stocked up on groceries in awhile. I’ve got some microwave oatmeal packets for breakfast so no one’s going to starve to death, but we’re not gonna get a Leave It To Beaver dinner out of this kitchen.”

The kid gave a calculated look between the two men before asking, “are you fucking each other? Are we gay?”

Michael sucked in air through his teeth before stalking angrily away from the kid who was swaying on his feet in anticipation. “Alex, I’m sorry. I don’t know why he’s being like this. I shouldn’t have brought him and bothered you. We can go back to the airstream.”

Alex explained gently, “He’s poking the bear. He wants to see what’ll happen. You STILL do this so it’s not surprising you do it as a kid too.”

Michael turned back to the kid with a considering gaze, “do you want to see if I’ll hit you or if Alex will?”

Kid shrugged, “It’s Saturday. Doesn’t really matter which of you does it.”

Michael exhaled suddenly like he’d been punched in the stomach, “It’s Saturday. I can’t believe I forgot about this.”

Alex looked between the two Guerins. Michael scrubbed his face angrily. The little boy held himself completely still. Alex waited for an explanation. Michael leaned against a countertop and carefully looked at a spot on the wall. Looking anywhere but at Alex or Mikey.

It took him a minute to speak. This was hard.

“On Saturdays the religious freaks would line us all up and paddle the crap out of us. Didn’t matter how good we were. On Saturday you were getting your licks. They said it was to cover all the sins we did during the week that they didn’t catch. Because they’d whack you if they thought you were doing something wrong. But on Saturdays no matter what, no matter how good you tried to be, you were getting it. They said it was…”

The boy calmly stated, “Taking your medicine.”

“Yeah that’s right. Taking your medicine.” His jaw twitched, “Like they had to beat all the bad stuff out so on church Sunday we could be good again. We could absorb the lessons. And the man in charge of the home said children listen better on sore bottoms.” Michaels’ face twisted up, “That fucker.”

Mikey looked uneasy. Michael took a steadying breath and forced himself to remain calm, “We don’t do that here. No one’s gonna hit you here. I might yell. But no one will hit you no matter what a little shit you are. I’ll explode anyone who tries with my brain.”

The kid stared at them both, silently making calculations before nodding once. “I want pizza.”

Alex made mental plans to find out the names of these fundamentalists and completely ruin them online.

***

The call for pizza had been made, and Alex awkwardly watched the two Michaels sit on the floor methodically taking his toaster apart. He tried to insist it wasn’t broken, but Michael just made meaningful eye contact and repeated, “let us fix it.”

So now the toaster was in pieces, scattered across the hardwood floor. Alex had to admit this was the calmest he’d seen the boy. Having a task seemed good for him. And two Michaels were actually getting along, passing a phillips head screwdriver back and forth. If he had to buy a new toaster, it’d be worth it for this momentary peace.

The pizza wouldn’t arrive for a while yet, the downside of living in the boonies. His cabin did have a washing machine though, and unless Isobel made good time, she probably wouldn’t have new clothes for the kid until tomorrow.

Alex cleared his throat to get their attention, “I have a load of laundry I was going to start, and I can stick you stuff in there too Mikey. That way you have clean clothing for tomorrow. If you want you can take a shower and I can try to find you pajamas. Dinner should be here by the time you get out.”

The boy protested, “but the toaster…”

Michael began to pick up the mess, “the toaster will still be here. This isn’t a time sensitive project. No one will be in trouble if it doesn’t get fixed tonight. Clean clothes probably isn’t a bad idea. I’ve got a couple shirts that could use a wash too.”

He pulled the kid to his feet, and steered him towards the bathroom. “Alex has good water pressure and the tank is huge. Hot water for days!”

With the two house guests preoccupied, Alex started to gather clothing to wash. It was just an excuse and Michael knew it, but maybe it’d make the boy feel less awkward if he thought everyone had laundry to do. He heard the shower start and Michael exited the bathroom with an armful of clothing. The challenge was going to be finding the boy something to wear while his clothing was being cleaned. A tshirt would hang like a dress on him and preserve his modesty, but Alex doubted he had any sleep shorts with a drawstring tight enough to stay up on a child.

The two men began to load the washing machine. Michael added a couple shirts from his backpack. Alex didn’t know if they actually needed to be washed or if Michael was just trying to keep the kid from feeling weird.

“You okay?” Alex asked.

Michael dug through the kids pockets quickly and removed four quarters, a shiny rock, and a plastic bag with two pancakes inside. Deeming the clothing now safe, he crammed it in the washing machine. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“Because you’re suddenly the guardian of a very angry eleven year old version of yourself who manifested from alien technology we don’t understand yet?”

Michael laughed, “yeah when you put it that way… today is a lot. Thanks for letting us crash here. We would have killed each other in my airstream. At least you’ve got a couch the kid can sleep on. I’ll take the floor.”

“What? No, you’re not sleeping on the floor.” Alex’s forehead furrowed, “You can… look my bed is big enough. We’re adults.”

“I don’t want this to be weird for you.”

“Then don’t make it weird.”

And with that statement Alex walked back to his bedroom to find the boy something to wear. When Michael followed him, he handed him an oversized air force shirt, and a towel.

Michael sheepishly handed the shirt back, “Maybe something that doesn’t have a military logo on it? Kid isn’t a huge fan of Uncle Sam.”

Another rummage through his drawers, and Alex a plain black shirt. It wasn’t quite as big as the Air Force shirt, but it was still an oversized shirt Alex used to sleep in. It should be long enough for the boy.

Michael gratefully took the items and knocked on the bathroom door in warning before leaving the towel and shirt inside.

Sure enough by the time the pizza arrived, Mikey was done with his shower and standing in the living room shifting from foot to foot. Alex knew he was eleven, but he looked smaller engulfed in his shirt. It made his heart feel tight to see Michael Guerin’s face on a child wearing his clothing. Like he’d crush anyone who ever hurt this kid.

The boy attacked the pizza, and Alex spotted a thin red mark on his thigh, peeking out from the edge of the shirt. Alex was familiar with marks like that, but his marks were always wider. Belts tended to linger. Michael Guerin was carefully avoiding his eyes, as he reached around the kid to grab his own slice. When he finally managed to catch his gaze, Michael just shrugged as if to say “shit happens.”

Alex knew that. And he knew better than to mention it to the kid. It was no secret that he and Guerin connected over shared trauma. It just felt like a punch in the gut to see evidence of a beating on a kid. It was surprising Michael wasn’t triggered to hell being confronted with his worse childhood memories in technicolor.

Alex carefully peeled his own piece of pizza off the cardboard so they could all pretend this was perfectly normal.

***

Michael could hear the thump of clothing in the dryer as he made Alex’s couch up for bedtime. He carefully tucked a sheet around the old seat cushions and layered some homemade quilts on top. The overall effect was very homey, if a little ill-matched.

The kid was still wearing Alex’s shirt like a dress and that red mark was impossible to ignore. When Michael buried his head in the closet to look for an extra pillow, Michael casually asked “do you need some neosporin?”

Mikey was still poking at the disassembled toaster, “for what?”

Michael carefully kept his voice calm and disinterested, “The switch marks. Anything bleeding?”

“Nah. Her aim just sucks. Or maybe she did it on purpose. It’s a new placement. She got my back and my legs, not just my butt.” Mikey hesitated, “Did she do it on purpose?”

Michael couldn’t pretend to fluff pillows in a closet forever. He turned around and swallowed hard, “Yeah. She really liked smacking my legs. Aimed for the lower thighs a lot, where it really hurts and where it’s hard to cover. I got in trouble in PE a lot for not wearing my gym shorts.” Michael ran a lot of miles around the track in jeans, but it was worth it to not have those marks visible to Max and Isobel. They didn’t need to know. And he wasn’t willing to risk being moved out of Roswell if a grown up figured things out.

The kid didn’t seem surprised, “How long do we stay with them?”

“Three years. We get moved after our fourteenth birthday. Single family placement instead of a group home. It was better.”

His foster dad kicked the shit out of him, but anything was better than being exorcised. Kid didn’t need to know that. “And when we’re fourteen, we meet Sanders. He’s an old dude who owns a junkyard. He teaches us to fix cars, and lets us crash on his couch sometimes. That’s where I work now. I can fix anything. We can fix anything.”

That felt important, but Michael didn’t want to make it awkward so he peeled back the covers so the kid could tuck himself inside.

“How did you know Alex was missing a leg? He doesn’t stand funny.”

The kid shrugged, “he had a fancy crutch leaning against the fireplace. Those mean there’s something really wrong. I just guessed his leg was messed up. I didn’t know it got blown up.”

Michael sighed, “Can you lay off of bugging him about it? He’s doing us a favor.”

“Yeah.” Mikey thought for a second, and then continued, “I really AM curious about the leg though. I wasn’t JUST being an asshole. I really do want to see how it all connects.”

Michael rubbed his forehead, “maybe he’ll show you later, just… can you relax with messing with him? He’s not gonna get mad and hit you. I’ve pissed him off as a grown up, and he never hit me, he’s definitely not gonna touch you.

The kid shrugged noncommittally.

“By the way, we’re bisexual.”

“What?”

Michael repeated, “You asked earlier if we were gay. We’re bisexual.”

“Huh.”

“Don’t act surprised. We had a crush on Taymon Johnson in fifth grade.”

The kid protested, “No we didn’t! He was just cool!”

Michael raised an eyebrow.

“Oh.” The boy looked like he was reassessing every hero he ever had.

“Yeah. Oh. And yes, Alex and I had a thing, but we’re just friends now and it’d be awesome if you’d cut out the ‘are you fucking’ line of questioning.”

The kid smirked, “Aren’t you about to go have a bisexual slumber party with him?”

Michael narrowed his eyes, “Yeah, a totally platonic slumber party. We’re friends now.”

The kid raised an eyebrow.

“Shut up.” Michael rolled his eyes and pulled the quilt up around the boy’s chin. People never tucked in kids like Michael Guerin. Not foster parents anyway. Sometimes if he got to go to a slumber party at a classmate’s house, a well meaning mom would also tuck him in. Once a mom kissed his forehead before she shut off the lights. He didn’t know that was a real thing that happened sometimes. Michael always assumed it was just in movies. He felt stupid when he realized it was real, it just wasn’t for kids like him.

With his stomach twisting up at that memory, Michael dug in his pocket and pulled out the switchblade he took from the kid that afternoon. “I’m giving you this back because I’m trusting you not to stab anyone, and I know you’ll sleep better if you have it. And I know you’re gonna want to go to Foster’s Ranch.” The kid opened his

mouth and Michael cut him off, “I KNOW. But the military bought it, and the last thing we need is an alien hanging out on top secret government property. Plus the hitchhiking didn’t always work out well for us. So let’s just not, okay?”

The kid clutched the knife and begrudgingly nodded.

“Go to sleep. We’ll figure out the rest of this tomorrow.”

***

Michael closed the door to the bedroom behind him. “Kid is in bed. Doubt he’ll sleep much tonight, but at least I’ve got him all tucked in.”

Alex was making puzzled faces at his laptop. “I keep looking at the glyphs on your disk. I don’t recognize most of them and we translated ‘child, memory, temporary’ but there are more glyphs on the back.” He squinted, “This may say ‘permanent.’ Guerin, I don’t know how this disk works. I don’t know what you did.”

Alex scrubbed at his hair, frustrated. With a sharp exhale, he closed the laptop and tucked it away. Michael watched Alex slip into bed and swallowed hard, “I can still sleep on the floor if you want. I’m used to it.”

“We can share. It’s fine.”

Michael tried one more time, “I could go sleep in your creepy murder bunker. That’s an extra bedroom.”

Alex raised an eyebrow, “Do you WANT to sleep in the creepy murder bunker?”

“No. It’s a creepy murder bunker.”

“Okay, so stop being weird about this and come to bed. I promise I won’t cuddle you in your sleep.”

Michael muttered under his breath, “I wish.”

He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled off his boots. He unbuckled his belt and reached for the button of his jeans when he suddenly stopped. The words burst out of him, “I should have figured out the stupid Saturday thing earlier. I was in that group home for three years.” Michael turned to face Alex, “I didn’t stop getting weird about Saturdays until senior year when I lived in the truck.”

Alex watched him from his side of the bed, face still pressed against his pillow. “My dad played mind games like that too. He liked creating obstacle courses for me and my brothers. Last one to finish got his ass kicked by my dad. I’m two years younger than Flint. Unless one of my brothers was incapacitated, I was always the one who lost. Every time they had us run a course in basic training, it was like I could see my dad waiting at the finish line with his thumbs stuck in his belt.”

Alex paused, “maybe it’s good. Having Mikey here. Maybe it’s time to work through some of this stuff.”

“You sound like Isobel.” Michael shucked his pants off, and pulled his shirt over his head in one practiced move. His clothing sat in a rejected pile on the floor and he slid under the covers, Alex’s knees almost touching his thigh.

“Is she wrong? Neither one of us talk about it. We just pretend everything is fine.”

Michael turned on his side to face Alex with a huff, “Everything IS fine!”

“If everything was fine, we would have kept dating after high school and we’d probably have a dog by now. Instead I became a runner, and you like to self-destruct.”

They were silent a minute. Michael admitted, “I didn’t self-destruct after high school because of you. There were other things. You were one of the only good things in my life.”

“I know.” Alex touched Michael’s hand, rubbing a thumb across his knuckles. “You were a good thing in my life too.”

Michael closed his eyes so he wouldn’t see how his next statement landed, “you still are. You still are a good thing.”

Alex pushed his head forward so their foreheads touched on the pillows. “You are my good thing too.”

Michael exhaled, “What are we doing?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I want you to stop answering a question with another question.”

Alex tilted his face and lightly pressed his lips to Michael’s. “Is this okay?”

Michael answered by cupping Alex’s cheek and pulling him in for a deeper kiss. It had been too long since someone touched him this way. Too long since Alex touched him this way. They were hungry for each other. Knees knocked together awkwardly under the covers as they tried to press their chests flush to each other, wanting as much skin touching as possible. Finally feeling like they could both breathe.

Michael wormed his arm underneath Alex so he could pull him closer. He keened as Alex threaded a hand through his curls and tugged just slightly. Michael’s hand drifted down Alex’s cheek, stroking his shoulder, then disappearing beneath the covers. His fingers stroked down Alex’s stomach, and dipped just under the waistband of his boxer briefs.

Alex pulled back with a gasp, “wait.”

The hand retreated immediately.

“No I want to. I want to. It’s just…” Alex panted against Michael’s lips, “I don’t want to screw this up. We’re really really good at the sex parts, and not so great at the communication parts. So maybe we should…”

“Focus on communication?” Michael asked.

Alex kissed him lightly, “Yeah. Yeah, I don’t want to pause but… I don’t want to fall into old patterns. I want to build something new with you. Something stronger. Plus there’s an eleven year old sleeping on the couch twenty feet away.”

Michael returned his hand to Alex’s cheek. “Is this okay? Hands above the waist at all times?”

Alex smiled with his lips still pressed to Michaels, “Yeah. That’s good. Let’s do that for awhile.”

Michael could feel Alex’s heartbeat thump against his chest. He could feel the swell of Alex’s belly with each inhale, his skin sliding against his own as they breathed in unison. He sent a trinkle of power to turn off the lights, and tugged Alex tight against him. Michael’s nose nuzzled down into the dip of his shoulder, rubbing his face into the curve and breathing deeply. His whole world smelled like Alex, and it felt right. He could feel Alex sigh against his hair, and his hand massaging the back of his neck, occasionally venturing up to play in his curls. And Michael let himself close his eyes and drift off to sleep.

***

Michael woke up suddenly. There was a new connection in his head that he hadn’t noticed. The places where he could sometimes sense Max and Isobel were muted after decades of practice. That connection had atrophied and he never tried to repair it. But now there was a sudden feeling of distress that could only be coming from Mikey.

He slipped from the bed, pulled on a shirt to go with his boxer briefs, and with bare feet, padded his way to the living room. The kid was sitting up, hugging himself with fists twisted around the loose material of his nightshirt, and breathing shakily.

Michael crouched next to the couch, “Bad dream?”

The kid didn’t even look at him. He just shrugged and tried to calm his breathing.

“Can I touch you? Or no?”

Mikey took a second, then nodded. Michael sat behind him and rubbed his hands down the kid’s trembling arms, like he was trying to warm him up. Michael remembered nightmares like this. Where he woke up not sure what feelings were real and what feelings were memories. Phantom pains lingering from his nightmares, that could only be soothed away by proving it was just a dream. His body was safe. He was okay.

The kid took a deep breath, then another. His hands unlocked from his sides and he leaned his back against Michael’s side. Michael let his arm rest heavily against the boy’s chest, like a seat belt grounding him to this world.

“Better?”

Mikey nodded and let his head thunk back against Michael’s shoulder. During the day he’d never allow this comfort, but in the dark, after a nightmare, he needed it even though he’d never admit it. Facing away from his older self, he had the courage to admit, “Nightmare. They were hurting me. … And they had Max and Isobel.”

“Those are the worst. I hate the dreams where I’m being hurt, but if Max and Isobel are there too…” Michael exhaled sharply, “Do you want to call them? So you know they’re safe? They won’t care if we wake them up.”

Michael would never call his siblings over a bad dream, but he knew in his bones they’d never mind a phone call from the kid. It felt okay to offer this to the kid.

“I don’t even LIKE Max or Isobel.”

“Yeah, I don’t always like them either. But they’re still mine. They’re still family. And the idea of someone hurting them makes me want to set the world on fire.”

They sat on the couch in silence. Mikey would never ask for a hug, and Michael wouldn’t volunteer one. But with the boy leaning against him, and his arm slung around him, it felt like a hug. They both felt settled. Like their bodies weren’t being flung into a nebulous nightmare void where everything bad could and would happen. They both felt real. They were on Alex’s couch, in Alex’s living room, in Alex’s cabin. They were safe.

#inner child fic #my fic #roswell new mexico fic #rnm fic #truck stop knives and other childhood accessories #michael guerin fic #michael guerin #alex manes #malex fic #feral stabby baby #cw child abuse #tw child abuse

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ngame989 · 4 years

Text

“Loon” - TGG SVTFOE Fanfic Collection Ch. 10

Writing: @ngame989

Art: @toxicpsychox

Editing: @ubercelloczar, @toxicpsychox, @seddm

Alternate fic links - FFnet, AO3

Summary: While Marco, Tom, and Janna have a birthday bash in the Underworld, Star gets dragged into a standoff with an old foe on the surface. It's up to the Butterflies once more to defend the legacy Mewni will leave in the history books... or is it?

Comic Page

Masterpost

Out with a new chapter in record time, and more to come before Christmas! We plan to update either Sun-Fri-Tues on a 2 week cycle, or once per week if we’re particularly busy, so just keep an eye out. Something EXTRA special is lined up for next chapter courtesy of @ubercelloczar, still figuring out how best to include it but it’s going to be amazing. Hope you enjoy!

“...and the foul beast looked me right in the eye as I tore it limb from limb! It put up a spectacular fight, but it was no match in the end.”

Moon placed a hand on her husband’s arm and raised a stern eyebrow. “River, dear, we don’t need to hear the story of every meal you eat. I think it’s making Globgor uncomfortable.” Globgor raised a giant hand, waving it in a so-so motion, and Eclipsa rubbed his neck reassuringly.

“Really? But it was vegetarian! Ate it too quickly to know if it was chicken or turkey,” he quickly mumbled before resuming his usual boisterous shouting, “but it was fowl alright!” Moon could only sigh in response; some things would never change with him, but she supposed that was part of his charm. From their position on Globgor’s shoulder at his current size, she could see half the town at a glance. Though many Mewmans still went by the old names for the various smaller kingdoms, there was a general agreement to still call the whole merged area Echo Creek. She’d been against it until Marco pointed out that just calling the small area carved out by the seven kingdoms “Mewni” was as silly as the prospect of only labeling his modest town “Earth,” and she couldn’t argue that. Abandoning even the very name of the home she’d ruled for decades, and known for even longer, wasn’t her first solution, but perhaps it was fitting. As their destination came into focus, she was reminded that giving up the ways of old could be for the best.

The ruins of Butterfly Castle, untouched for the last year and a half, loomed before them. Globgor gave a signal and began to shrink, keeping his upper body large enough to support them until they were a safe distance from the ground. “Remind me to stretch before carrying three people again,” he said, huffing and puffing as he windmilled his arm.

Eclipsa giggled behind her hand and got on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Globby.”

“Yes, thank you,” Moon warmly added. “We got here just in time for-”

A stout, older man in a blue uniform sprinted over to the group with a form in hand. He stopped to catch his breath for long enough that the four of them all had time to look around at each other in confusion. “Saw ya comin’ from a mile away but ya went to the other side of this here castle from what I was expectin’,” he wheezed. “Is one of you Butterfly?”

“Yes,” all four answered, much to the dismay of the man.

Moon got a closer look at the badge on his chest which read, “Police”. Ah, so he’s with the city. “Is this about the renovation clearance?”

“Yes, ma’am,” the officer drawled.

“That would be me, then. Are you the one performing the inspection of the premises?”

He shook his head. “No, ma’am, I was called by the inspector because there seems to be a bit of a mixup. A real noggin-scratcher, let me tell you. I can show you, if you’ll all just follow me.” River leaned over to Globgor and whispered something in his ear that made both snicker. Moon rolled her eyes and elbowed both before leading the others behind the policeman; though she normally found their shenanigans charming, today of all days was not the right time for nonsense..

Ever since magic had been destroyed, Moon had spent far too many hours idly dwelling on the next step of her life without feeling like she was taking meaningful action. Almost a year ago, on the eve of the newly christened Christumpmasday - a dreadful portmanteau, Moon thought, but at least the Stump itself had been no more - Star and Marco had first made her consider the legacy she wanted for the Butterfly Kingdom. Queen Moon the Undaunted might have focused on projecting its strength and valor to the world, but she was just Moon Butterfly now, and she was well aware of how many flaws it had always had - some of them her own doing. The people of Earthni deserved to get to know the history of magic and the seven kingdoms as it truly was, and the castle she’d always called home seemed like the perfect place to do that. But if she was going to do things the right way this time, she needed to go through the proper channels, and that’s what brought them here today.

“So officer,” Globgor asked as they continued around the base of the castle, “what exactly is the issue here?”

“Well, I just got here a minute before I saw ya coming in so I only got to take a quick look, Mr…”

“We’re all Butterflies.”

“Ah, yes.” He slowed down briefly and spoke to River and Globgor directly, eyeing them curiously. “Pardon my prying, but I wouldn’t have thought you two were, how do I put this… related?”

“Oh, heavens, no,” Eclipsa chuckled. “Moon and I are, um… well, it’s still quite complicated, but we’re the related ones. Our husbands took our names.” It took a moment to click why anything would’ve seemed odd, but Moon did recall hearing about Earth’s marriage customs (though they still felt foreign to her).

The officer scratched his head with both eyebrows raised. “Gosh, Mewni was like that? That’s awfully neat. Can’t go a day around this here town anymore without learning something new. Anywho, some lady showed up hootin’ and hollerin’ to the heavens about how whatever plans ya had for this place were a sham, I think, and she stormed past the inspector to keep anyone from entering. Made a real big fuss over it. We’ll see what we can do but I’m afraid I can’t let ya onto the premises if it puts you in any danger.”

“The inspector said this afternoon was the only opening she had for months,” Moon muttered, aghast.

“Awfully sorry, just doing my job, ma’am.” When their destination came into view, Moon spotted a woman with a hard hat and orange vest among the gawking crowd- the inspector, she recalled from her previous meetings. Though the expressions among those gathered varied from amused to unsettled, all pointed in the clear direction of the entryway to the castle.

“Who would even want to cause such a kerfuffle around this?” River asked, echoing Moon’s own thoughts. They’d kept it quiet, hadn’t they? Though her expertise in Earth government was limited, she was fairly certain this sort of thing wasn’t public. No one outside of the city officials they’d made contact with should have known… she’d simply submitted a letter with some information and set up an appointment with the receptionist, who surprisingly enough had turned out to be Manfred. Wait, when she’d last seen Manfred… Everything clicked in her mind just a moment before they came face to face with the answer to her unspoken question.

“Well, well, well... we meet again, monster smoocher.”

***

The telltale whoosh of the flame column signalled to Star that she had arrived at her destination. Hopping out of the carriage, she rounded the corner and bounded towards the front door of the Diaz house. She hadn’t thought Tom would be so into event planning, but Marco was going to love it. Even though they’d gotten into a nice rhythm managing work and school and free time with friends, a relaxing day off was just what the doctor ordered.

She was so distracted she didn’t even realize her foot was colliding with the door, kicking it open and revealing the Diaz living room. Marco was lounging on the couch in his hoodie and a pair of shorts; his only reaction to her sudden entrance was to nonchalantly move the TV remote and soda can out of the way, barely in time to catch her when she pounced on top of him.

“You’re getting better at that,” Star commented, propping herself up on her elbows to look Marco in the eye and bop his nose with hers.

“Have to be if I don’t want to have to scrub juice out of the couch all the time,” he retorted, rolling his eyes and pecking her on the lips. His fingers idly twirled her hair as she settled down into their usual couch cuddling position, her head resting on his chest. Happy, sad, angry, lonely… there was no situation that couldn’t be improved by a Marco hug. She sank into the warmth of his embrace and let the stress wash off of her for a few moments, sighing softly. “So, everything go OK with Janna?”

“Wha?” Pegasus feathers, Butterfly, did he find out?

“You said you were helping Janna with something?”

Right, that’s what she’d told him. “Yes, Janna! Totally, totally, totally… just helping Janna Banana with... girl stuff. And Janna stuff. You wouldn’t get it.”

“Not sure I’d want to.”

Having sufficiently recharged her snuggle battery, she hopped off the couch and bounced in place with excitement, helping him up as well. “Enough of that. You ready for one of the best days of the year?”

“Underworld Beach Day!” They both shouted.

Marco pounded a fist into his other hand with a determined grin on his face. “We’ve gotta find the Skellies for that volleyball rematch after last year. I know we can take them this time.”

“Yeah, Skellies…” She nodded along with a sly smile, knowing the true plans for today would be that much better.

“Let me get my sunblock.”

“It’s underground, Marco!”

“The lava glow can still mess with my pores!” he whined before disappearing into the kitchen.

Looking out the front door, she discreetly motioned over the skeleton horse that was barely visible through the bushes. Nothing was going to ruin this surprise! Poking her head back into the house and checking to make sure she hadn’t been found out, she called out in Marco’s direction. “Oh hey, the carriage is already here! It’s so convenient, we probably just shouldn’t question it at all! C’mon Marco!” She turned back around and took one step out the door, immediately bumping into someone with enough force to send her onto her butt. Star shook her head and took the offered hand to stand up, finally seeing who it was. “Hi Mom! How are yo-”

“Star, could I borrow you for a short while?”

“What? Mom, nooooo, it’s Marco’s birthday.... tomorrow, which is why we’re just having a totally normal day at the beach today!” Star shouted, aiming her voice back into the house for Marco’s benefit since her mom already knew about the secret surprise party plans.

“I’m terribly sorry, sweetie… this is rather important. It shouldn’t take too long, I hope.” Underneath the apologetic smile was a serious tone that made Star hesitate before protesting further. A normal Mom worry was more like “Star, don’t try to stack warnicorns” or “River, you’ll get sick if you eat that entire mewffalo” and she’d heard it enough times before to know it instantly, but this was something else entirely. It reminded her of how Tom had spoken earlier, which only concerned her more. Maybe Janna had been onto something earlier, which meant maybe this was something important… Yeah, guess I’m doing this. Still though, there wasn’t much they couldn’t accomplish quickly if they put their minds to it, so maybe it could be a quick and easy thing, and they could still have a blast at Marco’s party. When she’d finally gotten the experience of a birthday all to herself after years of dealing with the Stump, she’d immediately resolved to never again let a friend miss their own birthday fun. Never mind that it wasn’t his actual birthday yet, dangit, no errand was going to derail the super special surprise party for her Marco!

As if on cue, Marco emerged from the kitchen with a pack full of supplies. “Alright, Star, I’m- oh, hey, Moon.”

“Marco, you should get going to the beach… Tom’s waiting for you. I mean… probably. Why else would the carriage be here? Mom just needs me to help with an errand for a teeeeensy bit. Peasy squeezy, breezy wheezy!” Her eye twitched. Great job, Star, totally sold it!

“Oooooookay, then.” Marco raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “Let me know if you need any help, you know I don’t mind.”

“Pssssht, naaaaaaaw. Ain’t nothin’ two Butterflies can’t handle.”

“Alright, see you there,” he said, pecking her on the cheek on his way out the door. He smiled and waved goodbye before the carriage whooshed into the ground.

Globgor lifted Star up to his shoulder to sit next to her mother. The cool fall air rippled through Star’s hair as they ascended above the buildings around them; Globgor only got this big for travel when they needed to be somewhere fast. “Alright, spill. What’s going on?”

Moon sighed and folded her hands together, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. “Well, you see, Star... I know you and I have had our differences when it comes to our former kingdom. I’ve spent a lot of time the past year reflecting on its ways, its history, and especially its legacy. Time and time again, we- I repeated the mistakes of our ancestors, and the people of Earthni deserve to know the full story.” She unfurled a thick document from her satchel and handed it to Star, who immediately began skimming the pages. Wait, what was she doing with-

“The old Butterfly Castle?”

“We’re beginning restoration efforts soon to turn it into a place where people can remember and learn. This was actually supposed to be a birthday gift of sorts for you.”

Star crossed her arms and arched her brow inquisitively. “Uh-huh... how exactly is this for me?”

“I want you to advise the project.” Star’s eyes widened in shock. After everything they’d been through, she was being dragged into a big Mewni project again? Any angry retorts were stifled when her mom rested a hand on Star’s own, keeping the other for balance on their precarious perch in the sky. “Star, dear, I know this isn’t the sort of thing you want to do anymore, and it doesn’t need your undivided commitment. I’m not asking as Queen, or even as your mother. Time and time again you’ve displayed wisdom pertaining to these matters well beyond your years, and I shouldn’t- I can’t turn it into a place where anyone can see our history, our people, and all our flaws and strengths for what they truly were without the help of someone who could already do that for herself long before I could.”

Both fell silent for a few moments, deep in thought. The motherly pride and respect warmed Star’s heart immensely, and though it felt weird to think about, she was proud of her mother as well. But… was this the sort of legacy Star Butterfly wanted to leave behind? Hadn’t all of her last efforts on Mewni been to cast aside the undeserved authority her family had? It was certainly a noble aim, but something about it still bothered her. “I’ll… I’ll have to think about it.”

The warmth in the smile Star received proved beyond any doubt that there was no lingering trace of Queen Moon in her solicitation. “I understand.”

“Sooooo what’s the deal with all this, then?” Star flailed her hands wildly in their general direction of travel.

“Our initial construction plans were scheduled to be approved today, but then there was… an unfortunate incident. Mina has returned.”

Star felt her eyes try to bulge the whole way out of her head, as if forced out by her brain exploding at this reveal. “The Mina? Mewman soldier Mina? Evil push-all-monsters-off-a-cliff Mina? Cuckoo-bananas bathe-in-mud Mina? What the heck are we taking any time talking for, then? The whole town could be in danger!”

“No, Star, it’s not- well, yes, it is, but she has no powers. She’s just a regular person who is slightly, as you said, ‘cuckoo-bananas’, though I don’t recall any mud involved. Before we arrived, she had broken into the castle ruins and is now holding it hostage. Manfred might be involved, as well. You’re the only one who might be able to talk some sense into her, or at least figure out how to get her to leave. The city has given us until midnight to get the permit.”

Midnight? But that’s when the Soulrise was… Star had a sinking feeling that this day wasn’t going to be a short one, but this mattered too much to her mother to say no. “I can try,” she said, squeezing her mom’s hand.

Globgor began to shrink as they approached their destination, where she could see Eclipsa’s billowing purple dress and her dad sporting an uncharacteristically formal outfit - heck, they must have really planned for this if he was wearing a shirt and pants at all. She shivered a bit as her feet touched the ground; of all the superhuman genes the Johansens seemed to possess, immunity to the cold just had to be the one she didn’t inherit.

“Thank goodness you’re here, Star,” Eclipsa said gratefully. “It’s far too chilly out today. Mina won’t hear a word from me, I’m afraid… perhaps she’ll listen to you.” She pointed up towards a jagged shard of a ruined wall where Star saw the telltale purple braids.

“Mina!” Star shouted.

“Oh look, it’s my traitorous ex-mud-sister. Back for another round with little old me? I can still take ya any day of the week, you know!” Mina rocked back and forth, still clinging to a stone outcropping. There was no way that was comfortable in the slightest. Did she even feel pain?

“I just want to talk! I’m coming up there!”

Star took one step forward before Mina shrieked. “Bup bup bup! This here castle is for real Mewman patriots only! I got nothin’ to say to you. You can talk to my associate.”

A snobbish man stepped out from the ground-level entryway quickly enough to suggest he’d been waiting there. With his sharp black suit and slicked back hair, it took all the Butterflies only a moment to realize who it was, and they all groaned at the realization. “At your service, m’ladies,” he said sarcastically. Star hadn’t particularly missed Manfred’s snooty meddling in her day to day life, and it wasn’t any more welcomed now. “I will deliver a message to Ms. Loveberry if you so wish, as long as it’s not from the brutish monster.”

Only two minutes into this debacle and Star felt her patience run out entirely. She might have been sardonically impressed if she wasn’t already over this entire affair. “No, I’m going up there.”

River poked her shoulder and leaned in, his eyes narrowing and darting back and forth. “Actually, I wouldn’t mind asking - has she seen the stash of jelly tarts I left in a cupboard years ago?” Star rolled her eyes and walked forward despite Manfred’s protests, with Moon and Eclipsa not far behind. “Alright, nevermind sweetie! Go get ‘em!”

When Manfred tried to get in their way, Globgor stepped between them with his arms crossed, causing the feeble man to cower in overstated fear. “Oh, goodness me, help! The evil monster, he’s intimidating me to oppress my free spee-” Out of the corner of her eye, Star noted no one in the crowd had stepped up to join Manfred or oppose their group, and it lifted her spirit the tiniest bit. Moon took the lead, navigating around all the rubble and climbing up to a safer portion of the wall more level with Mina’s position. So this is what’s left of it. Despite everything, Star hadn’t checked out the castle at all in the years since it stopped being her home. It had been right there, ready for her to make peace with at any time since the dimensions fused, but she just… hadn’t. Maybe it was guilt, maybe it was disdain, maybe it was just being so much happier with what she had now that there was no reason to look back. Narrowly dodging the shards of a broken bust, they continued forward towards the stairs. Seeing it all again, though, made Star think her mother had a point. Their kingdom’s history was full of vital lessons and cautionary tales, but how could the people of Earthni learn them from piles of rubble?

Though Manfred had switched to prim and proper Earth fashion, Mina clung to the remnants of the architecture in the same outfit as always, twirling the braids she’d often used as propellers. From the rips and tears, Star suspected it was literally the same outfit and shuddered. When Mina noticed their presence, she wheeled to face them.

“What do you even want, Mina?” Moon asked. “What’s your game here?”

“Game? This ain’t no game, Moony. I’ve been alive and kicking for even longer than she has,” Mina jeered as she pointed at Eclipsa, “and I’ve spent my whole time fighting for Mewni and the Mewmans - real Mewmans - and I’m not about to let you make a mockery of everything that made our kingdom great.”

“There is no Mewni anymore!” Star huffed as she threw her hands in the air. “There hasn’t been for over a year! And it happened right after you lost!”

“Pfft, you had to give up everything just to keep me from obliterating every last one of you, and it got rid of all your little unicorn stampedes and rainbow blasts, too. Do you think I’m scared of you now? I’d be more worried about that little half-monster brat than whatever half-baked excuse for queens you all are, and she’s not even here!” A giggle erupted down below. Eclipsa scurried over and peeked, gasping as she reached over the edge of the wall and pulled up… Meteora? How had she-

“She must have been nesting in my beard!” River’s voice boomed from the ground below.

The baby cooed at her mother but got a glimpse at the fuming Mina and frowned. “Bad!” She shouted. “Badbadbadbadbad!” Eclipsa struggled to keep her secure in her arms but ultimately won out, lulling the child back to calm.

Mina took the opportunity to hop across a few footholds closer to the tower, still acting dominant and in control. “So you have the little snot now, big whoop! I’ve got an army again, too!” She backed off and ducked behind a pillar in the courtyard. Moments later, they were greeted by… a carefully decorated sock on her hand?

“Mina’s right, monsters are bad!” it said in Mina’s obvious attempt at a deep man’s voice. A second sock joined it, adorned with grass for hair. “Yes,” it chimed in with a high-pitched effeminate cadence, “I can’t stand living in this world with all these lazy monsters hogging stuff from the hard-working people that deserve it!” Confusingly, a third popped in. “And I’m terribly frightened of what they might do to my children!”

“Say what you will, but she is quite talented at puppetry. I didn’t know toes could wiggle quite like that,” Eclipsa snickered from over Star’s shoulder. If she wasn’t just so incredibly done with all of this already, Star might have laughed along - it was becoming increasingly clear how little of a threat Mina posed.

A second later, Mina popped back out and stood before them, visibly missing the sock on her left foot. “See, everyone is saying it!”

Moon buried her face in her hands out of frustration and dragged them down with enough force that her features momentarily sagged. “I don’t have time for these charades, Mina. Your childish tomfoolery ends now. The people of Earthni deserve to see this place and its history that actually existed, not whatever made up fantasy land you’ve concocted in your mind.”

“Hmmph, you do-gooders aren’t gonna budge, eh? Well, you know what, maybe I will let you rebuild this castle. That’d be swell, it was a beautiful place, alright. But Mewni was meant for Mewmans, so if you want to take that and turn it into some big dumb monument to monsters, you’ll have to go through me, and I don’t give up easy, and I ain’t leavin. Wonder how many folks are gonna want to come ‘round when Mina jumps out at em and bops them in the schnozz?”

Eclipsa stepped forward, still rocking Meteora gently back and forth to keep her at bay through all the commotion. “Stand down. The world’s changed, Mina. It doesn’t need any more of this lunacy. Wouldn’t you rather simply live out your life and find happiness?”

“Ha! As if! Seems a lot of people have fallen for your fabricated Mewni malarkey, but not me! I won’t put up with your fake Mews! If you want to stop me, you’ll have to catch meeee!” She rocketed off into the castle. The Butterflies glanced into the corridors in disbelief at just how pointless this all was, but Mina had vanished.

Star folded her arms and curled up into herself a bit as she started to walk away, but felt her mother’s hand pat and squeeze her shoulder sympathetically. “Sorry, dear…”

“Go get Dad and Globgor,” she responded exasperatedly, ignoring her mother’s apology. She knew that there were honest good intentions here, and she did want to at least get Mina out of their hair, but she couldn’t help but be a bit grumpy at the situation she’d been dragged into. “Let’s find her.”

The family, along with a few of the officers who’d shown up, went their separate ways looking for the former kingdom’s final foe. Sunset had come and gone while they searched to no avail and Star found herself slowing down and thinking about her friends and the fun they were probably having. Trying to stave off the mopiness, she idly scrolled through the Marco album on her phone while she searched, her eyes spending equal amounts of time roving the dusty remains of the castle and fondly gazing at the smiles and joy on her friends’ faces. And maybe a bit of ogling Marco’s cute butt in those swim trunks; it never failed to do funny things to her. The most recent picture Janna had sent her as part of their weird tradition was instead centered on Tom trying (and failing) to sneak a pained look at Janna, and had an attached message corroborating the vibe from earlier. So it’s not just me that thinks he was acting really dodgy about something.

A moment later, her Space Unicorn tone - one that was reserved for Marco - went off. Before she’d even finished reading the first text, it played a second time.

“Hey, how’s your thingy with Moon going? We’re missing you here! Let me know when you’re done, we saved half the cake for you. ♥”

“Also, let me know if you need me for anything, I’m here for you.”

Ugh, Marco, why do you have to be so dang sweet and caring? Another set of eyes could maybe help, and she wouldn’t mind having him around to ease the boredom at all, but Star wasn’t going to yank him out of his birthday party even if he’d go willingly. And admittedly she was curious what the deal was with Tom. Janna Banana was near and dear to her, but Star still would’ve been insane to rely exclusively on her if Tom needed a heart-to-heart.

After scanning the empty closet she’d wandered towards, she hastily punched in a message to Marco. “Mina’s back. Long story, not what you think, we’re fine here 👍. Kinda crazy tho. 😵 Will tell you later. 😈 acting a bit strange, stay and try to see why? 🤔 Also have fun, it’s your party!!!!🎊🥳🎉🎈 Hopefully will be done soon, would never miss 👻rise with you 💕💞💏 Love you 😘🥰😻”

With that out of the way, and a small smile returned to her face, she slid her phone into her purse and buckled down on the task at hand. Phone pictures of Marco and a fun birthday party were nice, but she had to get to work if she wanted any chance of the real thing. She nimbly hopped over the crumbled busts and assorted rusty parts of weapons and armor that covered most of the floors and stairways she encountered. Whatever her mom wanted to do here would require a ton of work, and Star could see why she was so eager to get started. Her explorations finally led her to a hallway that stopped her in her tracks. The tapestries of many of the former Queens of Mewni hung before her. Celena, Jushtin, her actual grandma, Comet… all had been torn nearly to shreds and reassembled. Her mom had mentioned what Mina had done here when they sat down not long after the Cleaving to share everything that had happened and make up - a conversation that lasted through more pots of tea than Star could count on her hands - but it was still jarring to see up close. Star slowly made her way to the end of the hallway and into the secret room, where- wasn’t Solaria’s portrait supposed to be here?

“Hyah!” Star was blinded and wrestled to the ground, all movement impeded by a thick canvas on top of her entire body. She was pushed sideways and had the fabric rolled around her like a tube constricting her arms. Pushing forward on her knees, she managed to wiggle the top of her head. Dangit, dangit, dangit. Suspicions confirmed: Mina had pounced on her with Solaria’s tapestry and a bit of help from Manfred. “Gotcha now! I’m slipperier than a slime snake!” Mina gloated, plopping down on top of Star and knocking the breath out of her. “Maybe they’ll take a hostage situation a bit more seriously, hehe!”

“Oh, my goodness, is the little ex-princess in trouble? ‘Tis an awful shame,” Manfred joined her, his voice dripping with gleeful sarcasm. “M’lady, we should abscond soon. The others should be arriving shortly.”

Mina patronizingly patted the top of Star’s head. “Aw nuts, I wanted to have a little bit more fun with my new caterpillar buddy! How’s it feel, Star? As long as I’ve still got eight fingers, eleven toes, and three beating lungs, this world ain’t gonna be taken over by ‘equality’ horsedoodie, you hear me? Monsters are scum, and the world would be a better place if they all took a nice long vacation to Off-a-Cliffsville.”

Star wanted to kick and punch and scream her lungs out. How many times can you ruin everything I care about? While flailing about, she tried to keep herself from grinning too obviously when she noticed a new arrival. She redoubled her efforts to cause a scene and keep the focus on herself so that Mina wouldn’t notice her real hope of escape crawling across the ceiling. Just need to distract… “You’re right, Mina, I can’t beat you. There aren’t any warriors like you.”

“Lookie here, Manny, she’s having a change of heart? What did I tell you? Glad to see someone’s finally letting the logical facts into her thick little noggin.”

“Yep, that’s exactly what I’m doing. But I do have a fun fact for you, though.”

“Oh?”

“There is a warrior a lot more adorable than you, with way sharper teeth.” Star looked above Mina and nodded, and by the time Mina followed her gaze it was too late. Meteora dive-bombed and lashed out, knocking Mina to the ground and forcing her to deal with a pawing, clawing toddler. Manfred cowered in the corner uselessly while Meteora continued to thrash about. The noise must have echoed throughout the castle, as she heard the search squad’s footsteps approaching the scene. Without the two bodies sitting on top of her, Star freed herself from her binding in a minute, by which point everyone else had arrived just in time to corner Mina. Globgor called out to Meteora and got her to back off, leaving behind a very battered and bruised Mina and an indignant Manfred.

Mina glared daggers at the crowd gathering around her, who all seemed a bit too concerned at her instability to make any sudden moves. “Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be with you mooks. Little old me just has a slight difference of opinion and this is how I’m treated? Don’t we live in a society? Instead I’m getting stomped on like a masochistic bushel of grapes!” Her beady green eyes darted frantically around the crowd, causing most to shrivel from the ferocity of her deranged gaze. Tense seconds went by before she finally softened up, gently smiling. “Y’know what, you win. If you want the castle so bad, it’s yours. Just gonna need a friendly barter in return…” The Butterflies all exchanged nervous glances. “You can have your little phony dream house here, but I get to enact my brand of Mewman justice on that ugly rock you monster-smoochers call a temple!”

Moon stepped forward to grab Mina’s arm but was narrowly dodged. “Mina, that’s enough. Everything you’ve said is preposterous, we won’t stand for it.”

“Bit too late on that one, Moony,” Mina taunted, wagging her finger back and forth. The subtle light from the moon and stars streaming through the jagged hole in the ceiling in the room suddenly faded, leaving them all with only the dim glow of the torches lining the walls. Overbearing squawking and flapping sounds, magnified by their echoes throughout the hallways around them, assaulted Star’s ears. She only barely caught the “Gotta fly!” Mina shouted as she was lifted up and out of the room. As the light streamed back in, Star finally saw the culprit: a massive murder of trained crows hauling her through the sky with alarming speed, presumably towards the Monster Temple.

“We have to stop her!” Star shouted, turning to run towards the castle entrance. She stopped when she realized the police officers present weren’t following. “Um, excuse me? A little help? That maniac is about to go destroy my family’s house!”

One of the officers, an older man she recognized from her time on Earth, wrung his hat in his hands. “Hmm, well, gosh, that sure is a pickle… Bit extreme, I’d say, but it’s always nice to see passion from young folks like yourselves. Both of you might have a point, so maybe you should just try sitting down and having a nice calm talk about it. Call us later if there’s still an issue, though!”

A scream erupted in Star’s throat, raw and animalistic. Stupid, stupid, useless! Leaving the officers behind, she and her equally flabbergasted family bolted back towards the exit to track Mina down. The dark bird cloud was still in sight when they exited the castle, nearly bowling over some onlookers and reporters who’d shifted their attention to the birds that had just swarmed out of the scene.

“She’s flying over a bunch of houses, I don’t think I can chase her directly,” Globgor said after growing to survey the distance Mina was covering.

“The Eagle Queen taught me how to speak bird, I’m sure I remember some of it.” River shouted, squatting down. “Now, Globgor, toss me!” Globgor picked River up and threw him in a straight line, enlarging his hand to add to the momentum of the throw. Star cringed as her dad soared through the sky. “Squa-squakah!” he hollered, his voice cracking. The birds parted, leaving a hole in their formation through which he promptly flew right through. “They don’t like me!” he hollered, his voice fading as he fell out of view. Daaaaaad.

“Well,” Moon said, taking a beat to sigh disappointedly, “I’m open to other suggestions.”

Star’s phone buzzed in her pocket; it was another of Janna’s kinda weird but somehow sweet candid Marco camera check-ins. Now’s not the time to tempt me with Marco abs!, she mentally groaned after opening the image. Wait, how is he surfing on LAVA? I know it’s the Underworld, but- Wait a second... Underworld, demon powers, carriage - they could get to the Temple right away!

Her eyes drifted towards the attached message: “ugh tom being super weird, stormed off. did he tell u anything? actually worried about him, haven’t seen him this bad since drama with u. rly dont know how 2 help, can i hang w/ u? dont drool over pic too hard lol” It stopped Star in her tracks for a moment: yes, the immediate situation was a crisis, but Janna being genuinely concerned? Now that was a cosmic anomaly. Star sent a response quickly checking in with the state of things (with an innocent inquiry about Marco abs - cut her some slack, she’s only Mewman) and passed along a message for Marco to stay and check in with Tom. Star was so angry at Mina and at the cops and at never being free of dealing with this freaking warnicorn manure that she wanted to karate chop an entire forest, and Tom and Marco didn’t need that messing up their days even more. But if Janna already needed an excuse to leave, well, Star wouldn’t complain.

“We can still beat them there, let’s not dally,” Eclipsa said, hopping on her husband’s shoulder. “Everyone, get on.” Once Star sent the relevant details and instructions, she followed her mother and off they went. As the minutes passed, Star remained silent while the others strategized, an atmosphere of helpless déjà vu permeating her spirit. Just like the first time facing down Mina, she knew she was just curling up and hiding, but she felt as if there was a seductively depressing whisper in her ear telling her that nothing had changed and that there was no hope of escaping the loony bigots trying to strongarm society. Even changing the world hadn’t been enough, and though she’d still seen growth on the whole, what did it say that the Minas of the world kept popping back up like a horrible game of whack-a-goblin?

Soon after, they finally arrived at Monstertown and dismounted. Eclipsa had at least been right about one thing: the ominous cloud flying in was still at least a minute or two away, though oddly there was no one else to be seen. Janna was supposedly here, according to a text received while Star had been lost in thought on the ride over, but that was the last anyone had heard from her. With seemingly nothing left to do, and not much of a plan, Globgor grew into a one man wall protecting the temple while everyone else readied to defend however they could.

Mina descended, keeping most of her birds circling above her. The defensive line of Butterflies swatted away any that got too cocky, but they were slowly being forced back. Star got knocked over into some mud and was helped up by Eclipsa, and scowled at the damage to her outfit she’d picked out for the beach. “Did the big ugly monsters run away all scared-like? Bah, I wanted to crush ‘em myself, but oh well, I can still have my fun. They’ll be all ‘Oh no, my big dumb mud hut’s gone! Where will I keep all the Mewman babies I want to eat?’” She cackled wildly, and it got on Star’s nerves even more than before. In the background, something peculiar glinted in the moonlight. Star squinted in an attempt to make it out, but she quickly realized what was actually happening when the surrounding area shimmered and revealed an upright chameleonoid monster. It had caught Star looking and used its tail to point at what Star now saw was one of Janna’s potion bottles before blending in once more. What effect it might have, she never knew, but help was help. Just have to distract. Again.

“Hey Mina!” Star yelled, diverting Mina’s attention from the wall of a home she was preparing to bash down. “I thought you were gonna tear down the Temple! Why be cruel to some random monsters’ houses? Aren’t you trying to protest your rights or something?”

Eclipsa turned in confusion. “Star, what-” Star shushed her and tried to indicate with a sharp glare that there was a plan in motion here.

The disgraced warrior tapped her chin for a moment before shrugging. “I kinda like both,” she stated matter-of-factly and wound up for another blow.

“Oh dear, Star,” Eclipsa whispered dramatically, clearly loud enough for anyone nearby to hear. “What are you doing? Don’t you realize all the monsters are probably huddled up in the temple right now?”

“Is that so? Huh, maybe you are useful for something after all. Get ready to kiss ‘em goodbye, then, since I know how much you love doing that.” Mina whistled sharply, gathering a cloud of concentrated feathery darkness around her. “Say goodnight to your mamas. Atta- ech,” she sputtered, wrapping her arms around her sides in a coughing fit. “Golly, monster musk must be getting to me. Now, attack, my pretties!” All the birds lazily circled around her for a moment before plummeting to the ground in a giant heap. “What the corn-” She stumbled and gagged a few more times, falling victim to the gas cloud that Star could now see billowing from the potion bottle, incapacitating all the birds that had inhaled it.

To her right, Star noticed a dirt-covered hatch in the ground pull back as a few unidentified creatures crawled out of it. Mina noticed too late and was tackled to the ground by someone from that group that seemed familiar... Penelope! Star’s face lit up in awe as she recognized the former Spiderbite princess, who held Mina down while she futilely thrashed. A monster with a glowing tail had joined them, which allowed Star to see Slime slink over and quickly slather some goop onto Mina’s arms and legs that bound her to the ground.

“You guys!” Star ran over and yanked the couple into a tight hug for a more-than-welcome reunion. “That was amazing!” The monster that Star just now dubbed Glowtail wrapped its tail around Mina’s mouth to cover up her attempted protests.

“Hey, Star. And Big G, and the other Butterflies,” Slime said, indicating the rest of her family. “Yeah, well, Penny’s totes great.” Slime wrapped an arm around his girlfriend’s shoulders - well, it was more of him just wriggling his gelatinous form into her side. “She can wrestle spiders the size of a dog.”

“Hey, you’re the one that figured out how to make your slime do all that stuff, like glue people’s hands and feet down,” Penny lovingly said, kissing his cheek. Star hadn’t seen them in many months despite visiting Monstertown, often because Slime had been spending a lot of time living as a healer/celebrity in the Forest of Unlikely Spiderbites.

“Just gotta swallow some gum, wait a few minutes, and bam.” He clapped his hands together and stretched them apart to demonstrate how sticky they were. “There’s all kinds of stuff I can do to change it up.”

“Pineapple’s a lot of fun,” Penny mischievously added. Wasn’t there some sort of urban legend about that fruit on Earth? Wasn’t it supposed to… oh. Star’s face heated up when she drew the connection, enough that she was thankful when Mina screeched with an intensity sufficient to cut through their conversation, even with a fluffy tail still stuffed in her mouth.

Glowtail shuddered, running away, presumably to go wash the Mina spittle out of its tail. “Monsters can’t even fight me by themselves! Let me go, you nincompoops!”

“Mina-” Moon sternly grumbled.

“Look, L,” Slime casually interrupted, and though Moon was surprised she relinquished focus to him. “Working together is, like, pretty cool. We made these big community plans if anyone like you ever showed up again. That creepy human girl warned us, my super rad Mewman girlfriend took you down, and a bunch of other monsters made the plans for evac,” he stated as their chameleon friend nodded emphatically. A handful of other monsters lurked around them, presumably having been stationed elsewhere in the village and just now received the signal for it to be safe to check out the action.

“Mewni sucked when everyone was just snobby and mean anyway,” Penny added, giving her boyfriend a lopsided smile. “Everyone in my old kingdom was always covered in spiderbites but we’d just say ‘well at least we’re not those dirty monsters’, but that’s just dumb. Why live like that? Everyone here has been so welcoming, why can’t you?” Mina finally fell silent, hanging her head in what Star might have thought was shame if that didn’t seem so farfetched. “Ugh, it’s too late for this. I’ll go get the others so we can figure out what to do with her. Stay here and make sure she doesn’t go anywhere?” she said as she turned to Slime

He gave a thumbs up and sat down on the ground “You got it, babe.”

“Bye, Star! We should hang out more!”

“Yeah, bye, Penny!” Star waved before turning back towards Slime and a forlorn Mina. “So what now?”

Slime glanced around at the other gathered townsfolk who were calmly keeping watch, though a bit tired and disgruntled. “We’re fine here, if you’ve got somewhere to be. We’ve got stuff under control. Look, I can tell you’re worried, and I’m super grateful for everything you did for us, but things are pretty good now. Feels like we can finally just be, y’know? And we’re ready for any other losers that have a problem with it.”

“Yeah,” she simply responded, getting a bit lost in thought. “Well, see ya.”

“Thank you, to everyone,” Moon succinctly added before the Butterflies all began to walk back towards the entrance to the Monster Temple.

Star felt her eyes glistening at the heartfelt togetherness on display that night, but the feeling was far more than that. She realized her mom must have misinterpreted that though, as she was pulled into a fierce bear hug. “Star, dear, don’t cry… I’m sorry you had to miss the festivities you had planned-”

“No, Mom, it’s not that, it’s just…” Star paused as she struggled to put her emotions into words. “Don’t you get it? This; all of this? This is Mewni!” Her family all looked a bit puzzled. “The castle is still a really cool idea, but the people who have been living and working to build a home together - they’re the ones that have always known Mewni best.”

“What do we make of the hootenanny at the castle, then?” Her dad asked, fending off Meteora’s attempts to poke at his eyes and nose as he held her.

“If you want some of it to be a museum with queens and wars and stuff, that’s fine, and Mom’s the most thorough organizer I know… but I think you should be asking what everyone else from Mewni might want to see.”

Eclipsa affectionately ruffled Star’s hair - something that’s never failed to make Star squirm in happy embarrassment. “Quite the wisdom coming from someone insisting they aren’t wise,” she jested. Star jumped at a terrifyingly loud snore from behind them, where River, Globgor, and Meteora had apparently all curled up on the ground together and promptly fallen asleep - Star couldn’t help but yawn herself at the sight.

She could really just crawl into bed right now until Soulrise… hehe, sunrise, not Soulrise, silly…. oh crud. “How late is it? Don’t we still need to get the castle inspected?” she said, adrenaline giving way to a weighty exhaustion that threatened to knock her out where she stood.

“Perhaps I’ll hold off for some time longer until I’ve had some more input,” her mom mused, putting both hands on Star’s shoulders. “I’m so, so proud of you. I want you to know that, Star.”

“Aww, thanks, Mom. I… I don’t mind helping, but being in charge of this sort of thing… that’s not right for me.”

Moon pulled Star into a gentle hug, and was soon joined by Eclipsa. “I understand, dear. Now go have fun with Marco and get some rest. I believe I spotted Janna in an alley that way pouring something into a puddle.” Star rolled her eyes and wandered off in search of her friend.

Blink. Blink.

Wha… wazzat, where am I? Star blinked a few more times and wiggled her fingers and toes. Ew, sand. Wait, sand? She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and found herself on the beach, resting her cheek on drool-stained red fabric. “Marco?”

“Hey, Star.”

“OhnodidImissit?” she slurred, slumping further into his side. The fog gradually lifted on the details of the past hour - she’d made it to the Underworld and groggily regaled Marco with the story of her day, she could recall that much. She remembered him saying he’d missed her, though he hadn’t been upset, but the rest of the details had been lost as she drifted in and out of sleep.

He shook his head and squeezed her shoulder affectionately as he pointed up above them. Star had to squint when she tried to look up, and after her eyes had adjusted she gasped. Spirits shrieked and soared in and around each other as the Soulrise put on its magnificent display above them. Different souls mingling in harmony was always a special sight to behold… maybe she couldn’t know Earthni’s exact destiny, but those that could fully embrace and understand each other unconditionally had a bright future ahead of them. The thought made her smile dopily at Marco, wholly secure and content as she buried her head into his delightfully pillowy shoulder. “Happbirdaymurrco,” she whispered, finally surrendering herself to slumber.

#starco #svtfoe #star vs the forces of evil #tgg svtfoe #fanfic #slimebite #get it? soul and loon? im so clever

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tragicdeluxe · 3 years

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to all the boys I've liked

here is a recollection of the relationships/ situationships I've experienced during my life, which have made me into the person I am today.

you were basically my first love. we were young, about 13, but it was still complicated. we still are today. I do know one thing though, and that is that I was never the first choice for you, and I never will be. but you keep coming back. in the end, you always come back. you were my first heartbreak, the first to tangle up my feelings. you made me stronger, but you also opened wounds that still have side effects today.

k. oh where should I start. you hurt me more than anyone else. you put me back in a place I fought so hard to get out of. I still miss you though, miss when we drove around and talked. the night it was only us and we talked and it felt like you really opened up to me. I do think I was in love with you and I still was when you started to drift away. that HURT. the least you could have done is told me, so I wouldn’t have had to follow you around like a lost puppy. I’m glad, because I think you’re happy, but it’s probably good that we aren’t in contact anymore. you represent a part of my life that I miss, but that I am glad I have left behind.

g. you’re just so nice, we shouldn’t have been more than like friends with benefits or something like that. I don’t have anything bad to say about you, although I wish I didn’t have to end it like that.

e. you were my best friend. I have so much to say about this. maybe we shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship, cause it caused me so much pain in the end. however, I'm still thankful for you and for the time we spent together. when I was with you, I was truly happy. I had more balance in my life than I had had in a long time. but when it ended it all came crashing down. we weren’t meant to be together, I believe that, but I think I’m still supposed to have you in my life. when you cheated, I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to believe that you would hurt me like that. but you did, and I gave you a second chance because I believed that we could get over it. in the end, I did get over it, but I felt like you didn’t make an effort making it up. I couldn’t handle it anymore, so I broke it off. you just sat there and held me as I cried, as I told you that it didn’t work anymore. before I went home you kissed me for the last time and we smiled at each other. the reality of what had happened didn’t hit until I got home the following day. I cried when I found your shirt in my room, when I hid all the pictures of us, when I thought about you late at night. was it the right thing? at first it felt right, but not after a while. not when I couldn’t shake the lack of you in my life, for six months after the end of us. but life moved on and I met other guys. I rejected other guys because I wasn’t over you. and on that party in august, when you called and then came and I was so angry and sad and I cried and we fought and I felt horrible for a day after, but it was almost needed because that was the breaking point. we began having a civil relation to each other again. and now we talk and I can ask if I can call you without it being weird and it is almost as it was before, except that we know that we loved each other in a different way. except that we know we can’t really be just friends because we had sex, because we met each others parents, because you and I, we were a we. but I'm happy we talk again, I've missed you.

w. even if we only kissed, you’re meaningful to me. I feel comfortable in your company almost like in no other guys. I’m sorry that nothing really happened though, because I now I can’t really seem to shake the feeling of wanting closure.

a. I'm sorry I couldn’t replicate the feeling you had. I’m sorry I made out with your best friend, that wasn’t really okay, even if I was blackout drunk at the time. I know you weren’t mad at me because I had made my position clear, but it was still not really okay. you did overreact in a way that proved to me that I can never see you as more than a friend, but I understand. It was nice seeing you a few days ago though, you seem to be doing good.

o. you hurt me. you hurt me so bad. your words were basically like knives in my heart. I really mean it when I say it, I'm sorry for the whole situation and everything that happened. you and I, we did not have the same expectations. I didn’t, don’t want a relationship and if two people have sex the first time they see each other, one does not really think that this is something serious. I'm sorry I didn’t get the feelings you got, but you couldn’t have expected that after 4 weeks? I slept with another guy 2 weeks before I was with you, what were you thinking? I understand that you were mad, but to accuse me with only being after sex is low. I didn’t see you because I wanted to sleep with you, it just happened. I didn't even initiate it, you did. I know we’re fine now, but it still hurts and you screwed up my mental health. I cried so many times because of you, without even knowing what I did wrong. I have become cold, but it is not you place to come at me with an ice pick, because even rock hard ice can break, especially if it’s only covering the surface.

c. I don’t really know where to put you. the whole thing with you is kind of problematic. the situation is, you are, the fact that you said you want to sleep with me is. you’re my old best friends brother. I appreciate you very much, you’ve been there for me and been hella more nice than she was, but I can’t help but wonder if you only want one thing. I told you so much, I told you that I find it difficult with guy friends because I can’t seem to have non-romantic/-sexual relationships with them. I told you that and you still said we should have sex. I don’t know, people have been saying you’re as manipulative and dishonest as your sister and I haven’t wanted to believe them. I’ve defended you, and now I feel like I shouldn’t have. I feel tricked. can’t you just be my friend.

a. you’re tricky. I know that I said that you should get in touch with me when you became single and I'm all for not settling down but for gods sake. make a decision, do you want to see me or not? I find myself looking at your location, being stressed over you not answering me even though you’re active on snapchat and all those other things I've sworn off doing. I can’t shut up about you and my friends find it infuriating, so make up your mind so I know if I should move on or not. ¨

#relationships #love #personal growth

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heaven-delight · 6 years

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[INTERVIEW] TRANS: 2018/04 - Red Velvet Yeri CéCi Cover Star Interview

Warm Colors, Red Velvet Yeri

The facial expressions of Yeri, a 20-year-old who doesn’t want to push things back until tomorrow.

“You don’t turn 21 after being 20 years old. You turn into a person in your 20s.” This is a sentence from the introduction of Kim Yeon-Soo’s short novel, “20-Years-Old”1. You don’t have to give meaning to each passing year, but there are times that whiz past you even quicker if you don’t keep track of them.

It seems a bit too early for Red Velvet’s Yeriㅡwho just turned 20 years oldㅡto be associated with the word ‘youth.’ Yeri, whose freshness can be still found underneath her bubbliness, is a different person from last yearㅡwhen she posed for her high school graduation photosㅡand a different person from yesterday. She’s no different from any other 20-year-old, for she’s the kind of person who laughs out loud after saying “I only want to give love,” a person who seriously contemplates over what kind of birthday present she should give her motherㅡwhose birthday is coming up soonㅡand also a person who is embarrassed about her old taste for food. But she’s also a person whose unique color is destined to become even deeper as she feels the world around her richly, for she also continues to explore herself deeply. Through this article, CéCi recorded what the Yeri today is like, what the today of a person who would surely make any time of her life meaningful is like. Like how there’s one springtime that lasts in your memory even longer out of all the ones that come each year, we hope that Yeri’s 20-year-old life would be like that.

How was your trip? Did you just go with Saeron?

Yeah. I went to Bali with just Saeron. Because both of us wanted to use this trip completely for resting, as soon as the dates for my break came out, we thought a lot about where we should go. Bali was really hot, and although the two of us had to constantly put sunscreen on in order to not get sunburnt, we had fun resting. I don’t think I’ll be able to forget about this trip easily because eating good food and casually mingling with the other travelers helped me get rid of my stress and feel better.

It looks like you’ve been to Gangneung too. Have you already decided where to go next?

Before heading to Bali, I watched “Youn’s Kitchen 2,” and I found Garachico so pretty that I actually looked up plane tickets. But it took 35 hours round trip, so I gave up. (Laughs) I have a weak stamina so being on a plane for 35 hours didn’t seem to fit the purpose of the trip which was ‘rest and recuperation.” But next time, I’m going to go to Spain or Italy for sure.

You turned 20 years old this year. But honestly, has that made you feel anything different?

Yeah, whenever I got questions about turning 20 years old, I always said that I don’t know what’s there to be so different, because it’s just time passing. But after thinking hard about how I could’ve changed recently, not when, I found out that one thing that I’ve changed is that I started to eat jokbal2. (Laughs) I’ve never eaten jokbal until last summer. I ate it for the first time last summer, while practicing for the concerts. I was starving and drenched in sweat, so I just took a bite of it but it was super delicious. After that, until the end of 2017, I always ate jokbal at least once a week.

You ate gamjatang3 often too. (Laughs) Two years ago, when Red Velvet had a group photoshoot, you said that you wanted to live healthy. How’s your health these days?

I want to stay healthy both physically and mentally, so I always try to look for something that I like to do. That’s why I often try to work on making songs in the studio when I’m not promoting, play games as hard as I can, and go outside a lot to take pictures.

You look like a person who has various interests and tries to actively search for new things to enjoy.

I am a person who’s always looking for new things to try. (Laughs) Actually, from when I was a trainee, I tried to label each emotion I felt and wondered what names they had. That became a habit, so recently, I’ve been thinking harder about that these days. Eventualy, I realized that I was looking for an emotion called “stability,” and that I wanted to be stable in many aspects, such as in my way of thought, and my actions. At the same time, I also felt very thankful at the fact that I was able to find the “stability” that I’d been looking for.

It was your birthday a couple of days ago, wasn’t it? Did it feel different since you got to spend it with your fans?

This year, I really want to meet the fans, to the point that I started scheduling it enthusiastically from two months ago. Normally, it’s hard to talk to the fans face to face, up close and personally. So, through the birthday party, I wanted to talk a lot about the things that I couldn’t say before. Although it was a bit embarrassing, I also read a letter that I wrote out loud.

Even if it wasn’t your birthday, I think events like those would’ve filled your heart up.

A lot of people think that the fans would like these kinds of events more than me. But, after meeting fans, I don’t feel just happy. I feel calm and extremely energized. Because of that, I wanted to meet the fans even more, and it was actually a very pleasant time for me too.

We have to talk about your friends, since you always manage to win the hearts of those around you. Are you the kind of person who approaches people that you want to be friends with first?

I often get asked about how I manage to have so many friends. But, I always haven’t been able to give a clear answer, because I always don’t know what to say. Because I’d been a trainee from a young age, I don’t have a lot of friends that are the same age as me.

No matter how hard I think about it, I can’t say that I really do have a lot of friends. I think it only looks like that because all of my friends are famous celebrities. Most of the friends I have are people that I’ve known for a while, because once I get to make new friends, I tend to stick with them for a long time.

I don’t think there’s a special secret behind how I have so many friends. Rather, I think it’s important to not be biased when you meet someone for the first time. Honestly, I only want to give love to the people around me.

“Wanting to only give love.” I guess that’s the truth and the secret to having so many friends.

Usually, I don’t reach out to other people first. But I try to show as much affection as I can to the people that I adore. I don’t get to meet them a lot because everybody is so busy. So, I try to contact them often and talk to them sincerely. Everybody each has their own troubles and sorrows, so I want to only give love to the people around me. I guess that could be the secret behind why the relationships I make last long.

You also revealed songs that you created, and on top of that, you’re also into games recently. Do you have any other things that you like to do, Yeri?

There are three things that I promised to do this year: studying foreign languages, song and lyric writing, and honing my piano and guitar skills. I know achieving all three goals looks impossible, but still, I want to give it a shot. Also, I always liked writing the stories inside my head out into lyrics and making them into songs.

I was surprised after listening to 1000, the song that you created, because it was better than I expected. How long did you work on that song?

Really? Thank you. It feels great to hear that. I have the habit of writing down whatever comes to my mindㅡeven if it’s only just a sentenceㅡon my phone’s memo app, so I have a bunch of stories. It didn’t take long for me to come up with the lyrics to 1000. I was up during dawn one night, and I found out that it was my 1000th day since debut. After that, I wrote the lyrics while thinking of the fans. I thought that if I’d create a song out of these lyrics, it would become a great present. It didn’t take long for me to write the lyrics and come up with a melody to go along with them, but I got a lot of help from my friends who did music while recording the song and mixing it. After thinking about when to release it, I decided to do it on my birthday. Whenever I have time to spare, I use it to work on songs. It’s so fun that I can’t break the habit.

Didn’t you also write the song and lyrics for Ragoon’s “Story?” You’re a real hard worker.

That’s just how my personality is. If there’s anything that might help what I do, I want to try it out. The reason why I mentioned that I want to get better at playing the guitar and the piano is because they can help me make songs better. I want to keep having fun making songs in the future too.

Do you always work on making music whenever you have time to spare? How do you usually spend a normal day?

I have a regular pattern. First, I meet my close friends and eat something nice for dinner. It’s one of the small joys of life. Second, I go to the bookstore and spend my time there. Then, there are times when I just head straight to the studio. I usually spend my time like that.

Do you still buy and read lots of books?

I have so many books. (Laughs) Even last night, when I saw the empty space on my bookshelf while I was organizing it, I was sure that that space was going to run out soon. I go to the bookstore often, but recently, I spent a whole day trying to get my hands on “Castella” by Park Mingyu. I’m going to read it soon since I managed to get a copy of it. Also, I was impressed deeply by the movie “Your Name,” so I’m thinking about reading the novel that it’s based on.

Four years have passed already after you’d debuted as a member of Red Velvet. What was the most fun thing you’ve experienced while performing?

I think it was easier for me to perform when I was 17, because everything was new to me and I didn’t know anything. But, one reason why I think I’m better off now compared to back then is that I got to know myself better. It’s because, in order to do better at work and music, I need to know myself well.

Also, I’m not just saying this because my fans will be reading this, but the biggest difference between before and after debuting is that fans exist. Because I was young and I only went back and forth between my house and the practice room during my trainee years, I couldn’t help but feel lonely. I mean it when I always call my fans as friends. I feel reassured knowing that I’ll be able to spend time with them, just like now. That’s the best thing that’s happened to me after debuting.

“I made good friends.” Doesn’t that sound really warm? I made my dream come true, and now on top of that, I made friends. Even if you’d achieved your dreams, if you don’t have friends or people that you like close by, it really means nothing. It is thanks to my fans that I’m able to have fun while being a part of Red Velvet.

CREDIT

Editor: Go Hyung-Gyoung

Photographer: Kim Hee-Joon

Makeup and Hairstylist: Go Woo-Ri and Soonie from the makeup salon, Soon-Soo

Stylist: Lee Ha-Jeong

1 Offical English title not yet released. The Korean title is “스무 살.” 2 Pigs’ feet. 3 Pork Back Bone Stew

#red velvet #rv #red velvet translation #rv translation #rv trans #red velvet trans #heaven-delight #m:yeri #e:theperfectredvelvet #t:interview #3YearsWithYeri

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michiewichie123 · 2 years

Text

Sunday training cancelled this morning so I’m cardio Ing out again despite having done my run last night before dinner.

Gives me a chance to pen down my thoughts as I walk to the hill.

Testimonies in my life. Each getting more and more meaningful and impactful on who I am

1. Earliest. A miracle for my o level math exams. I failed math for 3 years through sec school. Mostly becuase I hated it and didn’t try hard enough. Became serious 2 weeks before O’s. Went on my knees. Studied. But 2 weeks. F9s for 3 years. Cross outside my window from a church lights up only from 7-11pm every night. On that night before my O’s a math exam… it was lighted up the entire night. I woke up multiple times and noticed this. Final prayer of desperation in morning.

I scored an A2 for a math and a B3 for e. As for almost everything else. And the cross outside my window was never lit all night again. And trust me I checked every morning when I awoke since. It probably isn’t supernatural but my exam coincided with something that made them leave it on… or someone forgot.

But as I’ve learned in life. Providence uses anything for the good.

2. When I first went to Uni, I lived in a home stay with a professor from the uni. Brother had found the contact and was in touch with his partner.Unfortunately I wasn’t the most put together resident — tho the mess was kept in my room and he constantly came in to check. Which in retrospect was pretty wtf. The guy was pretty messed up and I was always respectful… tho it takes two hands. Haha friends always drove me home and he slept early so the cars woke him up.

But anyway it all came to a head and he kicked me out in the house and did not return my deposit.

Fast forward 2 years and I switched courses to international law and comparative politics. Guess who is a prof? Well. We never really crossed paths until I was in year 5 - my honours year.

But to understand how this takes a turn… I need to chronicle the in between.

3. Sometime at the beginning of my thesis year which began in the winter semester, I emailed Mr LKY before the national day celebrations to express a sudden outpouring of gratitude for what Singapore is today… having spent the last 2 years diving deep into comparative politics and governmental structures and realising… holy shit. Our leaders are really a cut above and extremely thoughtful in every framework created to keep this governmental system in check.

That we are the closest thing to a perfect balance between intellect and heart. And the one goal was to stamp our corruption. And that this man. Gave his life to do so… without having to. Leaders of that time could very well just focus on filling their coffers… a much easier task and a task most leaders in the world have done, even in thefirst world EU. I remember writing this essay of an email in Birmingham after a trip to The Hague and after doing a rather intense deep dive into EU politics and cartel politics.

Story short, MR LKY replied reaffirming the core values I cited in my email.

I figured. It’s his secretary who replied.

Two months later, straits times emailed to say that they have been working with Mr Lee on a book on hard truths and he had given them my email to include into the book.

Thus my 22 year old version of me was printed into the hard truths hard copy preface…. With a snippet in the middle of the book too.

4. Fast forward to summer term, I realised that my western university libraries were really too limited to rely on for my research on US CHINA relations and it’s impact on Asia, specifically SEA.

So I reached out to Prof Tommy Koh. Who was the US ambassador at large at the time. It was a long shot but I asked him to be my mentor through the internshipS

He replied almost instantly. I did not think much about it then, but in retrospect it was definitely the fact that the whole hard truths moment happened. — prof most prob had contributed to that publication.

And when we met. He hosted me in the same diplomatic room as one would host our major counterparts — I would be in the same room for a session with our Israeli counterparts some 3 years later.

The fact was, he cleared out a huge chunk of his afternoon to meet me in that diplomatic room. I was a young 22 nobody. He could have called me to his office. He did not.

And when I left…. He asked me to choose 3 books from his personal library collection.

AND WALKED ME TO THE BUS STOP ENTRANCE.

As a young pretty blonde (ie stupid) kid. I did not recognise the significance of all those actions till I matured in the workplace in SID. Such courtesies are not easily afforded in the diplomatic circles where the culture is judgmental, critical and hyper competitive.

5. Prof t got me an internship with NUS under eminent prof Zheng yong nian and the historian wu gungwu. I spent many hours having personal time asking questions and listening to mr wu discuss the significance of history and culture in understanding the motivations of nations and their policy trajectories. Till today. I am amazed I had such privilege. It is something officers in MFA and Sid would kill to have, at least when you’re starting out.

Also note on how bimbo I was…. I had met gungwu in the lift on my 2nd day. He was so dressed down. I thought he was a driver. And we engaged in friendly conversation in the lift. He asked me what my Chinese dialect group was and proceeded to tell me my ancestry was from jiangsu. I thanked him politely for the nugget of knowledge.

1.5hrs later I attended my first board meeting. And who is sitting in the director’s chair? 😂😂😅😅😅😅 mr bimbo thought you were a driver man.

I have really bumbled through life somewhat. I spent the year with full access to the lkyspp and EAI libraries and that was pretty fun. Though bimbo probably could have used that access far better today. Damn. Life is wasted on the young.

5. So let’s move back to the mean prof landlord.

Prof Tommy koh invited me to a mini Shangri la seminar during my internship. Mean Prof landlord was there. I was surprised to see him. But I shouldn’t be since he was in the Chinese political circles. He was extremely impolite when he saw me. Nose in the air. Fair enough. Michelle was a nobody in a real diplomatic event.

But at the foyer, here comes prof Tommy koh and Zheng yong nian greeting me with jolly smiles and great politieness. How are you Michelle! Good you are here.

(I also remember being so embarrassed with myself because I asked prof koh how he was… TWICE IN SUCCESSION. I basically didn’t know what else to say… bimbo. Hahaa)

Anyway mean landlord prof. Was there. To watch. I saw him raise an eyebrow. And skulk.

And when I was leaving the event… I saw him move to come say something to me… but I turned tail and moved to prof koh whom I wanted to ask for advice from —- I was to attend my first MFA interview in a few weeks.

6. Fast forward to being back in Sydney. One random school day, I was exiting consults with Adam— my thesis coordinator whom I met all but twice in my whole thesis Year for consults 😝🥴 that was how none studious I was. I was more for reading for my own knowledge than methodological in any way for the purpose of my product.

Anyway. Who did I bump into? Wow I’m trying to remember his name right now.

It’ll come back but anyway he quickly greeted me very very warmly and invited me into his office. There he made small talk and I obliged. Then he suddenly said. You know I’ve been wanting to say… I’m sorry for what happened 3 years ago when you were my tenant. I responded cut him off and said that, no …. I had a part to play. I was very young and no able to take care of the home.

We stared in silence for a bit. Then he proceeded to discuss my thesis and offer his two cents.

I walked out of his office feeling a strange high. I remember calling mum straight and sharing that very interesting odd but also full circle encounter that made my heart happy.

How on earth. Did things fall into such place to bring a proud man, who had every right to do as he did… though he did it nastily, to apologise to me.

A student. A nobody.

But he clearly thought I was a somebody. From the favour I got that he witnessed.

I would… another 2 years later in my capacity as an SID officer help connect him with officers in the circuit after bumping into him again at the shangri la dialogue. By then… his status as a struggling professor was very clear to me. His more favoured peer was always featured in lkyspp events and I never saw him again.

7. My time in SID was in itself a complete full circle miracle too. And all my experiences ties in together

Bimbo here was clearly frivolous and happy. I know myself. I have brain power and interest in subjects that interest me. Nothing more. Nothing less.

But I am definitely not bookish, serious or the cookie cutter idea of intelligence.

I wore a skin tight hot pink Herve ledger bandage skirt on my second day of work. Matched with a smart satin black top. I looked good for sure. But maybe for the banks. But conservative Civil service would much prefer you to dress in the blacks and whites of the legal profession.

I did not. I set myself up for failure from day 1. That was the day I met Jere. I bumped into him in the corridors. I still remember this so clearly in my mind. Again. I thought he was a nobody. I had not learned my lesson from the gungwu debacle.

His question to me was… my area of study in uni. And where. Then he silently moved off without saying goodbye.

So unfriendly. I thought. And went on my merry way.

Damn. Too long. So much more to record but it’s getting bit hot and I wanna squeeze a 10km in. Will continue later.

——-

8. But wait, getting the job was a miracle in itself.

Towards the end of my thesis year, I had a job in NUS secure as an analyst contributor to the publications of EAI.

But I didn’t enjoy my time reading and hanging in the botanical gardens.

I’m a city chick. I’m a girl who likes challenge and sharp conversations (at least as much as my bimbo brain could handle at that time)

So I went for MFA. At my cousin’s wedding dinner however, my cousin in law was telling me she worked for MINDEF and if I would like she would place my CV In. I said sure why not

But my pompous brain was set on getting the MFA job. It was my dream. I was going to strive towards being offered an ambassadorship like my mentor.

Well. I didn’t get the job. I was too frivolous for MFA. On the day I received the rejection from MFA, I went for the interview with MINDEF. My first meeting with CK. I still remember it clearly. That funny skinny figure with his chair so low in the middle of a whole line up of directors. He wasn’t even facing me. Fingers interlaced and crouched.

Imagine those super intelligent take over the world villains you see on tv. That was CK. Hahah. Who knew this man would play such a pivotal role in shifting the course of my professional future ? And who knew the part he would play in shaping my heart perspective at one point in life. A real mentor. He has been.

Anyway. I’m clearly glib. I was offered the job. Despite admitting to them that I failed to score the MFA job. I remember the conversation so clearly. CK asked: “did you apply for any other position? MFA?”

“Yes I did. But only two. MFA and you guys. However, MFA did not want me.”

“Oh. Why not”

“Well from what I understand I failed terribly with organising the ambassador’s diplomatic schedule. I scheduled in all work and no play. The ambassador clearly did not like that.”

Panel roared with laughter.

CK, “ wow MFA really gets their officers to do these sort of admin work. *chuckle* so how do you feel being rejected by them?.”

Me: “relieved. I’m the type of person who prefers having only a few cards on the table. It helps me make choices. There were two cards, now there’s only one. And if I get this job. I know it’s the right one.”

Then they sent me off. A random external memory: I remember Sue clearly and how I thought. Wow dragon power lady. I wonder how she is.

Anyway I got the job. 😝

—- another break to live my life.

9. A few things set me up for failure in the first week of work.

- our desk secretary announced that I was grade 13 (or 14 I don’t remember) “wah Michelle youre grade —- ah!”

I didn’t understand the significance of this and how thoughtless Christine was when she did that. And how unprofessional due to the sensitivity of the fact.

Every other officer in the desk was grade 14 - 15. It was our pay grade. And I was a pay grade higher than everyone. It became a discussion later on because of that announcement. And I’m sure this played a big part in why … let’s call her J… who is older than me but had also just recently joined the Organisation, was the way she was.

She was a grade 14. but she’s an imperial or lse grad. Versus this Australian educated tight skirt wearing bimbo. Why the heck was i being paid more?

I had no help. From day 1. I will remember being asked to prepare for a briefing. And having both J and my station manager in closed door meetings on my coverage… things I should be involved in. But being left out. And the briefing? Realising I had put in so much work to be completely off tangent and asking J to take over. In briefing Sue and jerry.

To say they were nasty is not an accurate representation at all. The environment in Sid was one that had political undercurrents but cushioned by a surface of civility and politeness. You knew when you were being sidelined. But it was a slow burn. A stifling process to slowly asphyxiate you till you finally raise the white flag of your own volition.

I’d seen so many officers who fell out like flies.

I remember many days running to the toilet. Bursting into tears and looking up to God asking for help. I didn’t want to fail. I was too much of a winner to fail at my first real job.

This was when CK entered my life in a more significant way. From another lift meeting — and random conversation.

“Do you exercise?” He asked as the lift doors closed on the third floor of the S block — where the gym was.

“Well no. But the fact you’ve asked… I clearly should!” I couldn’t resist the reply.

Thankfully CK’s eyes lit up and he laughed. Officer Michelle.

Probably weeks later, I received one of his circulars on books recommendations for young officers. I replied pulling out one of my favourite quotes from one of the books he had recommended. He replied asking if I was a fellow bibliophile.

I had no clue wth a bibliophile was. It sounded like a Term for a Bible obsessed individual — that I probably was at some point in my theological journey. Hahah. Thankfully this bimbo had learned to google before she spoke foolishly. Ah! Bibliophile. Yes indeed. I owned my fair share. Military philosophy Byzantine strategies?

Yep. I enjoyed reading them. I loved military weapons. I loved the art of war. Most of all, I loved strategies for outcomes desired.

We connected. And I would be known as

Not one of the 1736272922 Michelle t’a in the world.

I was MJT.

He would become my friend. Someone who sent me products and papers to read and to comment on. Something I enjoyed greatly and participated.

I would find out after leaving the org many years later that my immediate bosses had wanted to get rid of me during the 6 month confirmation meeting. It was CK, my top boss. Who spoke up for me. Saying they didn��t know what they were talking about and needed to relook their assessments. MH told me this. 2 years after I left the org.

But gratefulness flooded my heart. Even as I did not know..providence was using people to protect me. To help me.

Even without me trying. How can I not be grateful. ?? I am deeply grateful.

But not as grateful as I am for what came next.

10. I was tasked to write a paper on the situation in Afghanistan. It wasn’t a significant product. But given the political risks and impact on US policy, it wasn’t unimportant either. 3 whole months of late nights and back and forth with MH.

Then comes in MJ. My new group leader. At a time when the paper was almost complete.

But he would try to take credit for it. Director had given feedback on the last iteration and I had in two hours pumped out analysis in the framework that was directed.

Yet. In the same hour that MJ took the paper to edit it, I received an urgent call from J directorate. PM was asking for the paper. They needed to add their tactical inputs to the assessment. There was no time to have any of my superiors vet the product.

I remember I called jere to let him know and ask if I could send my original version. The cold words from Jere were, “yes. But remember to make sure to indicate that it was written by you. Michelle. And not anyone else”

I would never forget. I didn’t feel. But I recognised cerebrally. It was a chance to show multiple desks beyond my own… how incompetent I was.

Two hours later. The paper was sent back from director.

It was approved.

Jere showed up at my desk. He looked at me and said. “That was a good edit… but why did you use “would” instead of “will” in this sentence’s syntax? Did you have a reason?”

I did. But bimbo here was freaking out speaking to this boss who had spent a good few months making me feel extremely subpar. A little more on that later…. But I’ve never felt comfortable with Jere.

I said, “I don’t know.”

Jere looked apprehensive and said, “would was a good choice despite the tenses as it suggests a less certain probability than “will.”

And that was the start of my friendship with Jere.

The significance of this is great. Because Jere was one of the champions of removing me from my post. I didn’t know about the ranking meeting that happened because only bosses were privy to that…

But Jere tried most definitely to make me feel sufficiently uncomfortable to possibly make me leave. I can cry when I remember the day he walked in and asked everyone what they would like to drink— a treat he was giving to the entire desk, secretaries included.

Except me.

J, my direct peer, was the star. She was holding the weight of the entire desk because I was such a dead weight. The messaging was clear. And it clearly received. What was I todo? I’m glad my personality type is to be one who doesn’t take anything too seriously. And to be absolutely honest… he had good reason to think I was deadweight.

CK took me out for lunch once and said. If he had a daughter he would say this. You’re clearly bright but you come off as frivolous with your dyed hair ans tight skirt. You clearly have substance but you need to learn to let it show through.

Jere wasn’t wrong to have disliked me. I gave him good reason, walking around happily and just wanting to have a little fun at work. Him walking in on J and I playing the guitar and singing just after the lunch hour. 😅😅😅

he could have been much more intentional in getting to know me. But that would be asking for more than what humans are naturally able to.

11. The things that happened in the succeeding three weeks of the 8 month mark (Or maybe closer to a year. I cannot recall with accuracy.) of my time in Sid were nothing short of a succession of miracles.

I have shared this with many friends over the course of the last 7 years since. It helped to completely plant my faith firmly in God’s hand in my professional life. That he had a plan beyond my own and he was my judge. My vindicator. My champion. And all I had to do was look up, ask for help. Then head down and do my best, without back biting. Being true to who I was. Still being a friend and fair to those who’ve hurt me. Or have acted against me. I don’t try to be a friend. I don’t seek their approval or friendship. But when they come, I don’t back bite. I don’t. Fight back.

I think this is a disposition I inherited from my father. And I am grateful it is something natural. Because God knows I have too many flaws to be conscious and conscientious about.

— the afgan paper went out as is. Written solely by Michelle J. Signed solely by Michelle J. No one else had their name on that paper. It went to PM.

Then a strange situation occurred — 3 levels of my bosses disappeared for a week forcing me to work directly with Sue and director. If one works for the civil service.. one would know such a thing WILL NEVER HAPPEN. I have 5 layers of bosses above me and we plan our leave very religiously to avoid being so thinly staffed.

3 levels wiped out. Emergency leave. Renovations for MH. And jere went on a work trip because another desk head TY could bot attend the event due to the Thai government blowing up. My peer J went on that work trip with Jere. Good to note that I was actually hoping to be asked on that trip but nope. That was wishful thinking on this bimbo’s part, who was yet to be vindicated of the label. 😝🥴

In that one week. My work in its pure form. With no edits from MH. No edits from MJ. No edits from J. Went directly to Sue. And DSID.

I remember one call from Sue. She remarked, “is this your work? I don’t have to make any edits. Good send on”.

There the first week of vindication. But it doesn’t end there.

12. Shortly after, director circulates an email from PM through SID. I wish we were allowed cameras because that was the most defining moment in my life.

“Very insightful paper. All Officers should be informed of the Afghan situation. Circulate sanitized version across MFA and MINDEF.”

The same paper. That caused me some cerebral grief. The same paper that Jere meant for me to take the fall for. Disseminated. It wasn’t a significant paper the way some coverages were…. But it was interesting enough a subject that all should be informed on.

With my name on it.

The single author.

Lol.

Lol

Lolllllll.

The irony. The beautiful irony.

Complete Vindication professionally. The following year was full of unmerited favour and Grace. Strong friendships with the bosses. Never having to face any condescending undertones. And being free to be myself.

There was a boss named Sylvia who had made a sharp quip at me once… asking me if I’m sure that I did not belong to The liason directorate. The insinuation was that it was where the pretty airheads work…. Something the analysts were pretty snarky about… in the most ironically polite passive aggressive way.

When mum fell sick and I had to leave to help manage the business… it was Sylvia who championed the office giving me a year’s sabbatical to give me time to make sure I make the right decision. That I do not resign so quickly. That I was given the room to consider a long term career with SID.

Then the final close in the chapter of SID.

Because my afghan paper was disseminated… I received an email from MFA. Asking me if I would like to attend an interview for a role.

Close to 1 year or slightly more… after I failed to score the position of my dreams.

We never had a conversation about this but I believe my mentor prof koh had likely seen the paper. And likely pushed them to email me.

I went for the interview with nothing to lose. Told them I was actually leaving Sid for a year on sabbatical. It was fine they said. The interview was a story of its own and was fun — nothing significant tho.

What was significant. Was. MFA wanted to match my pay at Sid to have me.

MFA officers are paid significantly less than SID officers in my time. We were pegged to the trajectory of the privileged admin service. MFA officers had to fight hard for that conversion. Usually it was only the scholars who ran very far.

All I could think of at that time was. God. You are God.. your dreams and visions for my life are bigger than mine. That every step of the way…. Something opens a new door. And a new door.

And it’s always full circle. Full circle with you.

Validation. Love. Protection.

How can I not.. be absolutely 100 grateful and trust him in all my paths and ways when it comes to my career. He has shown me how…. He is at work even when I do not know it.

Yes I am not perfect. I am still growing. I am vain. Often pompous and stubborn when assured of a thought.

But yet despite this… providence has shown me again and again. How ridiculously well I am provided for. In ways I do not deserve.

Unmerited Grace.

MFA. My dream job. Offered on a silver platter. Not I chasing a dream. But it coming to me.

At a point when I had to make a decision on joining the family business or running in the direction my heart really desired

But a conversation with CK shifted my perspective.

CK said. Of the many women he knows in MFA. All of them become ugly because of how competitive, how critical and how cerebrally judgmental. They are ugly critical people. If he had a daughter … (haha the same line he used the year before) he would advise her to leave. He wanted to preserve my lovely disposition. A disposition that didn’t fight ugly, he said. And perhaps, my creativity would shine instead of being limited to the functions of the analyst role.

He was right. It took 7 years of struggle (most definitely there was struggle with mum and the business) and he was a listening ear in those times. He once said he was sorry. He wonders if he had advised me inaccurately. And if he had caused me the pain of working with my mother.

Yet today. Coming to the end of 2021. As everything falls into place in work. Investments. Business. I can say with absolute certainty. Leaving the diplomatic circuit was meant to be. Yes I felt forced at that rime because it was my mother who fell sick and I had not had enough time to run far far far on that road and experience all I wanted to experience.

But that life… is so much more controlled and tied down than the life I live today. I would not have been able to afford my apartment so quickly. Not have had the chance to open and create LC. Not feel so emotionally free and be financially free to live my life so .. FREELY. And with no burdens but actually being a provider and being able to give my parents allowances just cause it feels nice to give them one hehe. And they are happy! They always said they don’t need money yes. But honour means the world to them. I honour them in this.

When I meet CK this day. He often chuckles and takes credit for advising me to leave the diplomatic circuit. My creativity and accomplishments have far outgrown the breadth of what Sid could have offered. MFA, on the other hand… who knows ?

But all I know is that I am in a place professionally that many do not get a chance to experience and all I can think of is.

I’m not that much smarter than you (hahaa phrasing) I mean… I’m not smarter than you.. I didn’t do this on my own.

God was always there as a much larger force.

God was always there to provide. God was always there for me.

And God is good. So so good.

The best part of the story is that every single person is a friend now. there was no collateral. no anger. no ugly infighting. It was a perfect end where bridges were built and life, was meaningful.

The end for now. And this doesn’t even chronicle the whole relationship with JJ. That has blessed me so much despite all the pain.

Like I said. In 2021 and here on. I cannot deny Christ is real. God is real. And I know pain is something that will come. But I think. Life isn’t great without God to begin with

But at least with him… there is meaning in the pain, there is breakthrough in the outcome ans there is unmerited favour to be found in staying resilient through the pain.

I love you very much God. This is my chronicle and ode to you.

To whoever reading this that chances upon this site. May you experience all the same in your life. God is real.

0 notes

itallcomesdown · 3 years

Text

Cloud 9s

The waves, ever so gently colliding into one another as they collapsed onto the beach, provided the perfect soundtrack to Nicky's breakdown.

Not too loud, not too harsh.

Soft and low like the tears running down her cheeks.

This wasn't Nicky’s first time weeping at the edge of the ocean. In fact, she was well into the double digits at this point and likely to hit triple before she closed out her third decade.

The first time she made the short drive to the shore for the express purpose of crying, she'd felt a little ridiculous. There was nothing wrong with her bedroom but something drew her to the drama of grey skies and sea breezes.

That's one of the perks of living by the water, depressive episodes seem more cinematic.

Today's helping of woe was served up by a call from her mother which, if you read a transcript, should have been totally normal but was, as always, specifically designed to destroy her.

"Darling."

Nicky cringed but replied sweetly. She could only hope to survive by mirroring her mother's tone.

"Darling, I'm so glad to hear from you. Your father and I do worry so much."

The first blow.

What was there to worry about? Her parents had checked in with her twice a week, every week, for years and Nicky had never shared even a passing comment that would indicate she was anything other than perfectly happy.

Now, was she? No, of course not. She was regularly crying by herself at the beach, but her parents didn't know that. Nobody knew that.

Nicky gave the verbal equivalent of a hand wave as a response. Life was all sunshine.

"Are you sure? You don't sound well."

She sounded the same as she had sounded the last time her mother had insisted that she'd sounded unwell. The same as all the times her mother had insisted she’d sounded unwell which was every time they spoke.

Another spoken hand wave. The salty air was in her throat, nothing more.

"I did say when you decided to move up there that the sea air would be bad for your lungs."

Lungs! How had this become about lungs? Last time it was "something something, microscopic sand particles are lacerating your vocal chords".

Nicky couldn't get the image of sliced, white bands out of her dreams for a week.

"You need to see someone or it will get worse. I'll speak to Dr Kline and see if she knows anyone you can go to down there."

Why?! From 16 words spoken over a patchy internet connection, her mother had decided that intervention was necessary.

Nicky’s chest tightened as she made a mental note to avoid clearing her throat for the rest of the call lest it fan the flames in her mother's mind. She kept her voice even in her response but made sure to not attempt firmness as she insisted that she was fine. Resistance only strengthened her mother's resolve.

"Jerry, remind me give Marsha a call tomorrow about Nicky's lungs."

Nicky imagined her father, somewhere off camera, giving a silent thumbs up to his wife.

Marsha Kline was not a doctor of medicine. She was a wonderful woman and a very accomplished professor of art history who had been friends with Nicky’s mother for longer than Nicky had been alive. Dr Kline was also very convinced that western medicine was a death cult and any medication not administered in tea form was bad for you.

"Don't roll your eyes, Nicky. I'm only doing my job as your mother. Someone has to look after you."

Blow 5?

The subtle difference between "out for" and "after" in a sentence like that would go unnoticed by most, but Nicky had been playing this game with her mother for all of time. Her mother used "out for" when referring to all adults except Nicky.

Now, you might think that's totally reasonable. Mother's always look after their children and that doesn't mean the semantic difference is some kind of dig. Except Nicky was the oldest of three children and the only one who her mother felt needed looking after.

"You did roll them, Nicky. I'm not going to argue, but you did. I used to be able to hear it in your voice over the phone but now that we are on Soom I can see it."

Nicky bit her tongue and tried to keep her jaw relaxed.

Where had the call gone wrong this time?

She should have suggested the call to Dr Kline herself. That way her mother wouldn't have been primed to fight about it.

At least this time she let "Soom" slide.

"Anyway, your sister and I had a lovely chat yesterday. The boys are doing great, she and Pat are looking really lean with the marathon coming up. Have you spoken to her?"

Marriage, children, weight. The self-esteem trifecta, all in one beautifully benign sentence. Nicky almost admired the efficiency.

Claire should have been born first. She was third in birth order but seemed to have decided from an early age to reach every available milestone before Nicky could make a meaningful attempt.

"You really should talk to her more. And James. Both of them really worry about you."

At this point, Nicky had accepted that she would be going to the beach as soon as the call was over. Why waste a day or two trying to hold it together when all she would be thinking about is the family meeting she hadn't been invited to where everyone did the sad head tilt as they talked about her.

"James is always saying he's happy to have you if you need somewhere to stay."

Somewhere to stay.

Nicky had a perfectly lovely apartment with her own office, a parking space and a gorgeous view but because she didn't have a mortgage, her family talked about her as if she was homeless.

"It doesn't have to be long term. Just until you're on your feet"

Would this be after her newly signed 2-year lease or would James buy that out for her?

"I'm sure he could afford it."

He probably could.

"You don't have to. I'm just putting it out there so you don't feel stuck and alone."

If Nicky had to pick a title for her autobiography, it would be "Stuck and Alone". Even at work where everyone was different from each other, she felt completely out of place. Like a puzzle piece you jam into the wrong section because it looks like it should work but when you take it in as part of the picture, something's off.

"You said you would think about it last time. I know you, you're stubborn but now is not the time for stubbornness. People are trying to help you."

The hardest part about these calls would always be having to defend her contentment when it seemed like everyone else thought she was drowning. Nicky wasn't sad about the life she had built for herself. She was sad that it seemed too small and pathetic for those she loved.

"Just call your siblings. If you've lost their numbers, I'll send them to you. Jerry, remind me to send Nicky the numbers."

Nicky sometimes distracted herself by imagining her father as a sort of humanoid smart speaker with steely mesh for skin, warm glowing eyes and a permanently erect thumb that shone green when a command had been accepted.

The speaker was called Greymax and it always made Nicky smile.

"What's funny? I know you think I'm a silly old woman so you might as well let your laugh out."

Nicky exaggerated her eye roll and sighed. It broke the tension and they both chuckled a bit but they probably couldn't tell you why. Sadness lingered behind both smiles.

"Anyway, nothing to report on this side since our last chat so I'll let you go. I'm sure you have lots of work to do for your fancy new show."

Nicky performed pleasantries with her cheek between her teeth.

It took her less than twelve minutes to reach her usual spot from the end of the call, a personal best, and less than twenty seconds to achieve full body sobs, another personal best.

The actual crying wasn't particularly intense on this occasion. Hard crying just added physical hurt to the emotional despair.

One time, she had attracted the attention of a couple of youths on what looked like a first date. They were shy and gentle but visibly concerned. Nicky was mortified.

From then on she sat in a partially enclosed opening on the side of a sheer rock face and avoided excessive wailing. Sometimes she'd get a curious bird or a tiny crustacean but, for the most part, human contact had been limited to surprised stares.

The time on her phone told her that she had been out there for twenty minutes. That was more than enough for one day and should tide her over until the following week if everything stayed calm at work.

Nicky imagined herself, in another universe, choosing to jog through her inner anguish. Smartphone strapped to her upper arm, smartwatch keeping track of her movements and bluetooth earphones delivering alternate universe pop into her ears. Was that worth a try?

Imagination Nicky was exactly as good at her job and bad at relationships, she just had a comfortable pair of running shoes. That was totally attainable but Real Nicky had always resisted. Crying sucked but it was cleansing and felt natural. Running felt like someone else's thing that she was putting on to prove a point.

When Nicky got back home, she ordered an inexpensive but well reviewed pair of running shoes. The product description painted a vivid picture of how impossibly soft these shoes were, at a fraction of the price charged by other brands. Confirmed buyers wrote formulaically about never needing another shoe again and buying pairs for friends. Nicky never read any of that though because she chose them exclusively for the price and availability for next day delivery.

The shoes arrived but remained in their box for days. Nicky passed them every time she entered her bedroom, making a mental note to try them on, even if only to check the fit, but quickly forgot.

Her mother's next call came and went without incident. A neighbour had to be hospitalised and their pet's needed a temporary home so the entire call was consumed by intro to the pup and solemn predictions regarding the neighbours fate. The prognosis was pretty good but Nicky's mother was certain big pharma was gunning for him. Dr Kline had been consulted, of course.

Teas had been ordered and special instructions repeated in hushed tones but the call was fine.

Nicky was fine.

Usually, the down time between calls was a safe zone where Nicky could stock up on the mundane joys of life but the shoes had been ordered so the universe needed to make sure they were used.

James sent a picture to the group chat. Two little lines on a white stick. Congratulations all around. Wonderful news!

That evening the phone rang.

"I'm trying to convince your brother to move into a bigger house so there is room for you and the baby but Ryan is acting as if I've gone crazy. Can you believe it?"

Nicky finally got to the beach after an hour and a bit. Turns out the shoes really were baby clouds with laces, but it's hard to run when your chest is heaving.

Next time she would have to drive to the beach, then cry while running.

Fewer witnesses and, again, more cinematic.

0 notes

serenephenix · 6 years

Text

Spilled Milk 2/3

Sometimes, talking to a stranger can be a huge relief.

Sometimes, you don’t even need advice to come to a conclusion.

(I’m breaking tradition since this won’t be from Shiro’s POV for once)

Also: shout-out to @banditywrites and @musicanddancingthroughlife for indulging me. It really helped! This goes for @beloved-key as well who was screaming at me to resolve this. Sorry, but in the next chapter you will get the promised hugs. <3

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Spilled Milk 2/3

[Fandom]:Voltron: Legendary Defender

[Rating]: Gen/ Gen

[Genre]: Friendship, Team as Family

[AU]: Shenanigan(g)s series, college AU

[Word count]: 3.900

[Status]: wip

Original AU by taylor-tut

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Lance threw another stone with as much force as he could muster, preparing for impact, and watching as it was about to make contact with the clear, reflective surface. Anticipation filled him, hoping the sound would blast away all his tension and anger.

The stone soared and broke the surface of the lake with a tiny bloop.

Lance made a face, disgruntled that even something as simple as skipping stones was not working today. He kicked at a pebble, sending it flying and watching as it was swallowed by the murky water as well.

He took a deep breath before squatting down and looking for more suitable ammunition, inspecting each and every stone, running his fingers over smooth or coarse surfaces, weighing them in his hand individually, and dropping whichever did not suit his needs.

He was glad that the park was exactly where he needed it to be: not so far away from the apartment that he might regret coming here later, but not close enough for the others to come searching for him here.

He hadn’t yet gotten around to showing Hunk this spot and maybe it might be a good decision to not do so in the future. He needed a place to unwind, needed a little room to breathe when he was already this angry and agitated.

He stood, listening as the wind rustled the leaves of a willow bending over the shore, watched as a few leaves drifted lazily down onto the water’s surface and wiped away the ones that got caught in his hair and hoodie.

In the distance the honking of cars and the deep rumble of bus engines broke some of the magic of the peaceful atmosphere.

He positioned himself, legs spread a little to stand more firmly and motioned his arm back and forth, focusing on a spot on the other shore. Then, with one swift movement he sent the stone flying, positive that this time he had found the right angle, but again the stone broke surface and sank.

If Lance possessed one quality that had helped him throughout his life, then it had to be his inexhaustible stubbornness. He would stay here until he finally got what he wanted, even if it took him all day. Which sounded kind of appealing if he were being honest.

He did not think he had it in him to face his friends right now. Not after their faces filled with something quiet but undeniable.

It was why his phone had been muted and then, as a precaution, he had not only turned it off but removed the battery entirely. He knew what Pidge was capable of doing with a laptop and a keyboard, and he was not keen on her trying out her witchcraft-like hacker skills on him when the last thing he wanted was to be found.

The other reason had been the notification of three missed calls from his mom’s cell. Now that was a conversation he definitely not did not want to have. For all it was worth, he would give her some time to cool down a little – his mama could be fearsome when angered and that’s exactly what Lance had managed to do.

Ignoring his initial objective, Lance threw the next pebble with as much force as he could muster, drops spraying everywhere, tiny waves gently lapping at the tips of his sneakers.

All that hard work, all the smiling and pretending for months and Keith had to ruin it with one damn question. All of his hard work – destroyed like a house of cards by a draft from a window.

The next stone did skip, but only once. Still, Lance could work with that.

He wondered where it had gone wrong.

Maybe when he had invited Keith into his and Hunk’s room… But that was unfair. Lance had been planning on introducing his new friends to his family at some point, Keith just poking his head in while he was Skyping had been a coincidence, and one he had taken advantage of.

Maybe when he had not taken back the conversation where it was supposed to go?

Or maybe, just maybe, when he had started this whole mess five months ago.

Lance could pretend all he wanted but he was well damn aware of the fact that it had started with one lie.

A lie he had told straight into his mama’s face and which went against any and all agreements they had made upon his enrollment into college.

One single lie disguised as a gentle whisper that he was going to be fine, that he’d pull through.

He remembered the many evenings he had sat at the kitchen table with his parents, discussing the options, discussing the costs, discussing the terms, discussing his future.

Their family was big, children of all ages ranging from adults already done with their education and working to young tots barely old enough to begin primary.

And as much as anyone might want to argue with him, Lance knew that education was a privilege, involved so many long nights pouring over textbooks just so he could have a chance to get to where he was now.

If it hadn’t been for his parents pushing and lifting him up when necessary, Lance really could not say if he ever might have achieved his goal.

And after everything his parents had done for him, all he’d wanted to do was give them back a little bit of that care they had shown him his whole life.

The next stone skipped three times but Lance was only distantly aware of it as he remembered his parents sitting at their kitchen table while he peeked through the door and saw his mama heave a deep sigh, papers and flyers spread out before her.

He had never seen her head hang so low, had never once seen his father look at her with such dark, understanding eyes. It was an image to forever be burned into his mind.

Someone gave an appreciative whistle: “Not bad, not bad at all!”

He jumped, shrieking and whirled around to see a girl his age sitting on the boulder right next to him.

She giggled, her dark hand coming up to hide her smile, amber eyes crinkling.

It took Lance a moment to get his heart to calm down, the girl looking at him kindly as she reclined back and watching him in interest. The golden hoops she was wearing swayed when she cocked her head to the side in clear amusement.

He swallowed, chuckling as he made a show of adjusting his jacket. Soon enough he had his best, confident smile at the ready.

“Thanks. It comes with practice.”

She hummed, casting a contemplative look at the lake’s surface.

“It sure does, but I think it’d work better if you used smoother stones.”

“Yeah…”, Lance admitted, his hand coming up to rub at the base of his neck, “I’m usually better at this but it seems like today’s just destined for everything to go wrong.”

He smiled at her, the corner of his mouth tugging down briefly despite his greatest efforts. The girl blinked at him before making a face of feigned hurt he instantly knew was only for show.

“Oh my, this has to be the first time someone has told me that meeting me was a bad experience.”

Although he knew she was only dragging him for fun, Lance felt punched to the stomach. He hadn’t thought when he had said that, had not in the slightest considered what it might mean and yeah, the girl might have been joking but that blunder had to be rectified immediately.

“That’s- that’s not what I meant. Not at all!”

Either it was the deep blush or his wild flailing, but she broke out into peals of laughter that had her rocking back and forth on the boulder. She really had a nice laugh, rich and unrestrained.

“Of course not. I’m just messing with you.”

Trying to salvage what he could of his image, Lance gave a shrug with one of his shoulders, waving about one of his hands.

“Well, so did I.”

He really worried she might fall off again when she just kept on laughing and Lance could feel himself relax.

“So, what brings someone as lovely as you to such a lovely place?”

It was all in good humor, a simple compliment towards a person that had been able to make him forget for just a moment why was running around in circles, sulking, chucking pebbles into a pond until his shoulders burned.

She leveled him with a meaningful look, a tiny impish glint in her eyes.

“Careful now. If my brother hears you, you gonna be in trouble.”

Lance reeled back, arms up as though ready to confess to a crime. If there was one thing he knew for certain from his own family, it was that you did not mess with a girl who had brothers.

“What? Are we no longer allowed to tell people they look great? Please, tell me he’s not here right now, waiting behind a bush to get me into a headlock,” he whispered, looking around the shore with wide eyes for dramatic effect.

She shook her head, the golden hoops glinting in the sunlight. Her smile was sweet and innocent.

“No worries. He isn’t in town anyway.”

Lance made a sound of surprise, going back to his scavenging for good stones as the mystery girl remained seated, merely watching him in interest.

“And why’s that?” He looked at her while weighing the stone he was holding in his hand and dropping it when it became clear it was once again too heavy.

She made herself more comfortable, letting her feet dangle over the edge of her perch, the tips of her sandals barely brushing the surface of the water, ripples ghosting over it. He was kind of amazed how someone could feel comfortable running around dressed as lightly as she was – knee-long gypsy skirt and strappy top- when he was suddenly reminded of Hunk, burning furnace extraordinaire.

“Well, he wanted to go over some numbers again this week-end to make sure everything was in order and since our company’s stationed at the next town over I just thought I’d pay a good friend of mine a visit,” she explained, shaking her head when Lance held up a stone and agreeing that it obviously wasn’t suited. He still flung it into the lake over his shoulder the tiny ‘bloop’ it made very satisfying.

“That’s cool. I bet they’re excited.”

She hummed, inclining her head and looking at the sky as though she needed to think about it, that little quirk of her lips never leaving.

“Probably not, since I did not tell him.”

Lance made an appreciative sound as he pushed away a fallen log with his feet: “So a surprise visit. Now that’s even better.”

This time the pebble was a beautiful black, smooth and slim and a perfect oval – far too pretty to be tossed out onto the water but just perfect in every way he could have wished for. Oh, this was a tough one. To throw, or not to throw…

Mystery girl watched as the find silently glided into the pocket of his jacket before mutely pointing at some stone to his left. He instantly followed her silent instruction, searching for the exact one she had in mind.

“And what kind of business do you have?”

He held up a brown pebble and she shook her head, small smile quirking her lips. He let it fall down instantly, the clack satisfying to hear as he dove back down.

“We’re a construction company. Maybe you’ve heard of it? Bahlmeeran Constructions?”

“Nope, sorry.” He gave an apologetic smile, holding up the next one, mystery girl just snorting. Yeah, that one looked like a misshapen potato. It disappeared with a splash.

“It makes sense, I guess. We’ve never worked outside of our hometown until recently. My brother thinks it’s time we expanded our business.”

Lance nodded along with a hum, search ongoing but still signaling his interest. Mystery girl took the invitation, obviously enjoying herself as she talked about her family, telling him everything from how her father had started from scratch with just his brothers, his wife, and a few cousins, how he had always faced struggles head-on, how much love and dedication he had put into this company, how he had proven wrong all of those people telling him it was a pipe dream and how, inevitably, she had been drawn in.

All the while Lance listened, adding stories and little mishaps from his own family history into the mix, laughing alongside his new friend as he meticulously selected stone after stone with her help.

“Sometimes, I like to imagine the lives of the people that will live in the houses or tenements we construct.”

It was the sheer warmth underlying those words that had him look up at her, uncaring of the throw that would now miss. Her smile was indescribably soft.

It had him a little dumb-struck, so much so that it took him a moment to react to her outstretched hand, fingers signaling for him to pass her another stone from the sizeable pile he had gathered over the length of their conversation. He could feel his cheeks burning as he dove for the desired item, his new friend all the while laughing good-naturedly.

Her stone skipped at least five times.

“Any kind of special scenarios?” he asked, genuinely curious as to what she was hiding behind that distant gaze.

“Nothing out of the ordinary. Just…,” she worked her lips as she considered the question and Lance used that moment to skip his own stone. It sank after only four wobbly leaps.

“I just like to think about how we’re making a home for everyone. Somewhere they like to go back to after a long, hard day. A place they’re happy to return to again and again. I hope that if I put all of my hard work and love into it… that the people who will one day live there will feel it somehow.”

Her blush was adorable and would have even been more charming if she didn’t look so flustered.

“I’m sorry. I know it must sound silly. Rax thinks it is anyway.”

“No!”

It was louder than he expected, making him and mystery girl jump in surprise. Her eyes were huge as she stared at him mutely, Lance feeling mortification seep in, his arms flailing before his brain got any say in it.

“What I mean is that it’s actually really sweet.”

He took a deep breath, letting his arms fall to his sides, one hand slowly snaking up to rub at the skin at the base of his neck, fingers playing around with strands that had gotten a little too long. When his eyes met hers, there was no longer a trace of alarm, giving Lance enough determination to go on.

“And I’m pretty sure that people do pick up on these kind of things. It’s hard to miss when something’s made with love. Also, your brother sounds like a stick in the mud.”

She gave snort, her hand coming up to cover the bottom half of her face, and even when she seemingly had her facial expression under control it was painfully obvious that she was having a hard time keeping her amusement at bay.

“As his sister, it is my duty to defend my brother’s honor in public.” Her eyes darted left and right, Lance mimicking her before the smirk slowly stretching her lips caught his full attention. “But seeing as there is no one else but us, yeah, if you look up the definition of party pooper, you’ll be sure to find his picture next to it.”

It didn’t matter how much his back would hate him for it in the days to come, Lance found himself on the ground, laughing like he hadn’t done in a while, mystery girl snickering quietly but leaving him painfully alone to ride out his fit.

“Wheew, that was great.”

He smiled up at her and she perched down to retrieve new ammunition. Lance just listened to the sound of stones hitting the water’s surface, staring up at the sky that was slowly fading into rich evening colors, although he knew it could not be any later than four in the afternoon.

The quiet atmosphere between them was nice and he was glad for the company, not really having looked forward to stewing in his own thoughts for too long.

The sudden reminder as to why he was actually here and not in a warm apartment in his bed, settled over him like a heavy, leaden blanket.

He knew he had overreacted. He knew he needed to apologize at the end of the day.

As for the other issues… what was he supposed to do? He may have promised his parents that he would not work more than one job but that did not change the fact that, sometimes, at the end of the money there was a whole lot of month left.

Although it had become somewhat easier to set aside whatever tips he got at his jobs now. Which might have had to do with the fact that he was no longer spending more than half of his earnings on rent. But only maybe. Just maybe.

His brows were almost welded together as Pidge’s assertions, on point and painfully true, reverberated in his skull. Of course she was right, she was a freaking genius for heaven’s sake! If anyone knew what they were talking about, it’d be Pidge.

He rolled onto his side, head wedged between his arms, eyes following the path of every stone. It was entrancing, mystery girl leaving him to ponder in silence. It might have been his expression or his body language tipping her off, but Lance could not be entirely sure of that.

Mystery girl was different from him. She loved what she did with her entire heart and soul. There was no denying it, and to a certain degree he might have felt a little jealous.

Lance did not dislike the nature of his second job per se: interacting with people, drawing a smile out of (most) of them when there were metaphorical clouds hanging over their heads. But none of that could gloss over the fact that his boss, a man as mean as he was intimidating, had made it his personal mission to make Lance as uncomfortable as possible whenever he came through the personnel’s backdoor.

The constant glances over his shoulders as he worked on an order, the quiet threats to keep him longer after exchanging a few words with another poor college kid in need of a pep talk, the ill-disguised insults about his efficiency or his intellect if anything, no matter how insignificant or beyond his control, disrupted the dreadful routine.

Lance knew that that kind of behavior involved levels of pettiness he could never understand. And all of this, only because he had accidently spilled a venti cup over the counter on his first day, and over the man’s polished faux-leather shoes.

Lance even wondered why the man had not fired him at once.

Probably because Lance was the perfect victim: an almost penniless college student in desperate need of any kind of job, no matter how bad the salary or the treatment by the one in charge.

The groan leaving his throat was deep and guttural, his hands wiping over his face.

Why did Pidge always have to be right?

“You okay?”

He glanced at mystery girl, her face filled with open concern and kindness.

“Nah, I’m fine. Just realized something.”

He turned, pebbles and fallen twigs digging into his back through the fabric of his hoodie.

“Doesn’t sound like it was a pleasant one.”

His chuckle came out rougher than intended. “Not really, no.”

Maybe it was time he quit. Maybe he had really gotten so desperate that he had lost sight of the long-term aim, as Hunk had reminded him.

He had reserves now; probably enough to get him by until he found something else. Some other job where his boss would not be a complete asshole.

As nice as Pidge’s suggestion had sounded, there was no way that his contract with Anita would allow him to take any more shifts. Also, and that thought alone drew a smile out of him, he no longer had to fear that he might have to choose between starving himself or paying his rent. His friends would never allow that to happen.

He wasn’t alone anymore, in a city far away from home. He had friends now.

But first, he needed to make things right again.

As for the situation with his mama… that would demand very careful planning and possibly cajoling Shiro into helping him write out a speech to formally ask for forgiveness. Honestly, the man was so good with words it was scary – he’d probably get people to jump off of roofs for him, no questions asked, if he really put his mind to it.

Okay, so:

1. Apologize to the others.

2. Apologize to his mama (and hope both his limbs and dignity would remain intact).

3. Ditch his shitty job and get a new one.

Having a plan felt nice and it was with renewed vigor that he leapt to his feet, his new friend blinking at his sudden activity.

He threw her a smile, mind already working in overdrive.

“Sorry, but could I borrow your phone? Gotta call someone.”

He wasn’t even finished before the phone was already being pressed into his hand.

It took a few minutes, and a lot of reminders that he was owed for his generous services throughout the semester, but by the end of it all Lance was practically buzzing with unrestrained energy and thirst for some real action. Handing back the small device, ornamented with stones and glitter, he beamed at his friend.

“Man, thank you so so much! You’re a life savior!”

His enthusiasm was met with laughter.

“I hope this works out for you. Sounds like you have a long afternoon before you.”

“Naaah,” Lance drew out, waving a hand in a dismissive gesture, “easy as pie.”

The joke earned him another chuckle, before amber eyes glinted with determination that mirrored his own.

“Now goooo! You got a job to do.”

“Well, if that ain’t the truth.” His hands automatically snapped into finger guns as his feet already carried him back up the slope.

“Good luck!”

And with one last wave back at her he ran for his next stop, feeling lighter than he ever would have thought possible after the morning he’s had.

It’s only later, when he is almost literally elbow-deep in his little project, that he realizes with a sudden curse that he completely forgot to ask for a first name.

#vld #voltron #Lance #shenanigan(g)s #writing #wip #college au #fic

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its-me-screeching · 5 years

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Phantoms-Chapter 2: Helping

I didn't expect her to return.

When I hit snooze on my alarm clock the morning after our first meeting, which didn't turn out to be a first time after all, I sighed, rolled over and opened my eyes, just to close them again a few seconds later. Elsa had said she'd stop by at 11 in the morning, but I couldn't help placing question marks around the statement. A part of me told me I was dreaming, that this Elsa, this friend, hadn't been real from the start. It all came out of nowhere, Elsa came out of nowhere, and I had every right to question the situation I found myself in and my apparent 'friend'.

My mind was starting to deceive me. Elsa Arens didn't exist. She was a manifestation of my insecurities, my insatiable desire for answers and meaningful contact.

I ended up getting out of bed anyway, not for the familiar stranger, but for myself. I was hungry. I slipped into comfortable clothes and found my way to the kitchen, careful not to stub my toes on any knick-knacks lying around the house uselessly. Like me.

It was then that the sound of cereal clattering into my bowl was interrupted by knocking on my door. My eyes widened. I recognized that knocking; it followed a certain pattern that I'd heard before. Yesterday, in fact. I'd subconsciously memorized the noise already, or, and that was what I'd preferred to think, even if it meant my sanity was slipping, I'd conjured up the sound along with the manifestation of my fears and what was left of my hopes and dreams.

I considered not answering the door once again, but it quickly became evident it wouldn't work. "Merida! I know you're in there somewhere!"

I left my cereal for what it was, promising to return to it soon, and went for the door. I shivered as my hand came in contact with the cold doorknob and it only got worse when I opened the door, letting cold wind into my house. At least it woke me up well.

"And good morning to you," the same voice I'd heard the day before said to me, and I found myself staring into Elsa Arens' eyes.

"You actually came?"

"Sure looks like it." She gave me something resembling a smile, though not a happy one. "Can I enter this garbage dump you call home now? Or would that be going too far?"

"I'm stuck with you anyway," I said, stepping aside so she could come in. "Though I hope you don't mind me eating breakfast. You interrupted."

"Apologies."

I closed the door, pushed past her and found myself seated at the table, pouring milk into my cereal. Elsa sat opposite of me, scanning her surroundings once more, thinking.

"So what's the big idea for today?" I asked, startling her out of her thoughts. She'd looked strangely vulnerable, disturbed like this, but she regained her usual, rather icy facade without much trouble.

"You're going to clean this place up. I mean, really clean this place up. It smells like my grandmother's dusty cellar here, let's be honest. How do you live like this?"

I munched on my cereal, swallowed my bite. "We just met yesterday. Before that too, I guess, so don't start, but to me, we met yesterday. I'm not going to let you Marie Kondo the shit out of my apartment."

"Your entire apartment doesn't spark joy, Merida, that's not my fault."

"You don't spark joy either, and yet you're still here bitching about it."

"Mer, you can't live like this."

I slammed my hand down on the table, the bowl of cereal jingling softly. "You want to help me, Elsa? You want to help me? You're not helping. You'd help me more if you left."

"I don't think so."

"Well, I do. What's the fucking point in cleaning? It'll end up being a mess either way."

Elsa stood up with a fire in her eyes. It almost made me regret my words. "You want to see what point is? Fine, I'll tell you what the point is," she said, somehow remaining calm and collected, more than I could ever hope to be.

I motioned for her to continue with my eyes, another cereal-filled spoon making its way towards my mouth.

"The point is, you don't like this mess. I can see it in your eyes. You hate it, you're ashamed of it, but you don't do anything about it, even if it hurts you not to. Because you think it doesn't matter if you clean it; it'll be for nothing anyway."

"Go on."

"But here's the thing: You're right. There's no point in cleaning. There will be a mess either way. But you'd hate yourself a little less if you cleaned up more, and that's worth something, believe me."

"You're saying," I repeated, making sure I understood right, "that cleaning will make me happier?"

"That's what I'm saying, basically."

I knew she was right. The fire in her eyes died down and I knew it was the same for me. She was right, I thought, and I had the feeling that was something I'd have to get used to.

"I'm not saying you need to clean because I want to bother you. I'm saying it to help."

I ate the last of my breakfast in silence, got up, brought the empty bowl to the kitchen counter, refusing to look my guest in the eye. Right. So right. I hated it, didn't want to admit it, but Elsa Arens had succeeded in giving me a point.

I hoisted myself up to sit on the counter between mountains of unwashed dishes and faced Elsa. "Will you help me clean?" I asked in a small voice, admitting my defeat.

Elsa flashed me a smile, a real smile, perfect white teeth bared without any malice. I liked that smile. "Maybe. Maybe not."

"What kind of answer is that?"

"Do you know Disney's Pinocchio? The story?"

"The story that has literally nothing to do with this situation as a whole? Yeah, know it."

"Jiminy Cricket acts as Pinocchio's conscience. He doesn't do much besides telling Pinocchio what he should and shouldn't do, you see, 'cause it's Pinocchio who needs to get his shit together. The cricket can't do that for him. I am, in a way, your conscience, like Jiminy Cricket to Pinocchio."

"Did your nerd ass just compare yourself to a cricket?"

"And you to a marionet, if you want to think about it."

I shook my head, amused. "You like stories, don't you?"

"I do."

At that moment, I felt something resurfacing in my brain. Something buried away long ago, hidden in a long forgotten past. I could hear the memory resonating in my mind, trapped. All I had to do was reach out and grasp it.

I glanced at Elsa. "You're not so bad. You might spark some joy after all."

Elsa clicked her tongue, turning around to sit backwards in her chair, facing me as she casually leaned on the piece of furniture with an amused face. "I'm honoured you're not getting rid of me so soon."

I rolled my eyes and went to seek a vacuum cleaner, picking up empty packages on the way. I would clean and hope it helped me, hope it provided enough of a distraction for me to focus on the memory I'd almost recovered.

~~~~~~~~

I remembered now, and the memory was old. Fifteen years old, to be precise. I must've been five around that time. It was the first time I met Elsa Arens; truly met her.

It was my own comment about stories that triggered it, combined with Elsa's presence. I remembered bits and pieces of my kindergarten class. There were the kids of course, which included me, and Elsa, and so many others. We had a friendly, young teacher who loved to tell us stories. Perhaps she told us about Pinocchio. Perhaps that's why Elsa had mentioned it.

Either way, there was Elsa, the quiet, immaculate kid who'd probably blend in right with the third graders when it came to intelligence, except she was as tiny and unimportant as the rest of it. She was smart; it didn't get her many friends.

Then again, I had few friends too. Only casual contact with other children.

I suppose I scared them, the other kids. Home wasn't fun. My mother had given birth to triplets not long before. There wasn't much love and attention left for me. I didn't like to admit it, but I was becoming something of a problem child. Not someone you'd see getting along with a quiet, nerdy kid whose level of perfection bordered on the downright ridiculous.

Except there was this boy in our class. I remembered his name vaguely; Hans Westersomething. He was a brat in the ugliest sense of the word, one of those guys who still managed to have a lot of friends and followers despite being nothing but a jerk. He wore cologne (stolen from one of his brothers, most likely), pretending to be sophisticated, while in reality, he would sit at his sad little desk like the rest of us and he'd pick his nose, eating the contents. Sophisticated. I hated him with every fiber of my being.

Coincidentally, so did Elsa Arens.

We spoke sometimes, casual conversations, and then Hans came up. When I spoke about my latest annoyance regarding that guy, perhaps how he'd been throwing clay at the windows, I prayed Elsa wouldn't turn out to be among his followers after all. This, much to relief, turned out to be untrue.

And just like that, we had something in common. Not long after, I also discovered we both loved our teacher's stories.

"If kindergarten was a story," Elsa said one day, "Hans would be the villain. I'm sure of it."

"Hans as the bad guy sounds about right," I'd agreed, "but we need a hero too."

"We do. You?"

I shook my head. I couldn't consider myself the hero of the story. No, I had too much of a temper for that. Heroes are calmer, more noble, more perfect. More Elsa.

"I was thinking about you, actually."

"Me?"

Elsa never could see herself as the hero either. She wasn't one in the traditional sense. She wasn't strong and her voice wasn't loud enough and she wore these dorky glasses that made her too adorable to be considered as badass as a hero. But she was one, to my five-year-old brain. There wasn't anyone else smart enough and willing to take the time to be with me, help me with school work, talk to me about the most trivial and at the same time uncommon things.

"Yeah, you."

"It wouldn't be fair to you."

"Fine. We're both the hero then," I said, "can we go and get lunch now?"

Elsa smiled at that. "We're both the hero. Time for lunch," she said, and we'd changed the subject with the speed only young children possess. We didn't know then that the story we were writing together, the story we starred in and lived in, was bound to be a tragedy. Who knew at that point that our story would end up so awful, filled with 'what if' and 'why' and forgotten memories, dissolving into the dust I was currently trying to clean up?

But a tragedy, while sad and painful, is a beautiful story nonetheless, and deserves to be remembered.

#Merelsa #elsida #merilsa #merida x elsa #elsa x merida #merida #elsa #frozen #brave #femslash #fanfic #gay children #phantoms

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healthandfitnessrecipes-blog · 6 years

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Adult Day Programs Bring Comfort To San Francisco Caregivers and Their Aging Loved Ones

https://healthandfitnessrecipes.com/?p=7722

Being a caregiver means balancing a lot of emotions and contradictions. When taking care of an older loved one, especially someone who has significant functional limitations, one of the most pressing issues is a contradiction of time.

The contradiction is this: there are never enough hours in your day to take care of everything, and there are so many hours in their day that need to be filled up so they don’t wither from boredom.

This difficulty was best expressed by Lupe, a 47-yr-old editor who recently had her mom move in with her and her family. She had time to take care of Carmen, who was suffering from memory loss, but not enough to make it a full-time job. And when she was taking care of her, she often felt crushed by the weight of her competing responsibilities.

“I had stuff to do, on the computer mostly, for my job. I was busy all the time but still wasn’t able to get everything done. And I was really aware that my mom was bored a lot, that she wanted to do things, but was dependent on me. I just couldn’t do my job, and I couldn’t just take care of her. Honestly, it was really stressful and I felt guilty from all sides.”

That’s when Lupe discovered that she could take advantage of the Irene Swindells Center on Adult Day Care offered by Institute on Aging in San Francisco.

The program, which was able to provide Carmen a place to go up to 5 days a week, changed both their lives. It gave Carmen a sense of destination and purpose and opened up her social life while providing high-quality care. It gave Lupe more hours in her day to take care of her own life and alleviated any unfair guilt.

By providing much-needed care services, adult day programs help caregivers handle their own affairs, relieve stress and tensions, and improve quality of life. And they do the same thing for older adults; they are a place to be happy and creative, to be engaged, and to be taken care of. They are a community, and the more people part of it, the stronger the community will be.

Why Adult Day Programs Matters

Like a lot of people, Lupe had questions about how senior day programs would work and some questions about how she would feel.

“Honestly,” she says, “my initial questions were practical. How much did it cost? How often would my mom be there? Did I have to drive her? What would she eat, and what about her meds? But mostly, I was wondering why I was doing this. Was I being fair to mom?”

That’s a great question, and it is unsurprisingly common. Becoming a caregiver for a loved one is a great practical and moral responsibility, and it can feel like shirking when you send someone to a day care program. But it isn’t, at all. It’s the opposite: it is doing right by them.

At an adult day care program, seniors can expect to have a broader social life than they might otherwise. They will meet people and, by seeing the same people 2-5 times a week, develop new friendships. They’ll sharpen their social skills, which is overwhelmingly beneficial, as socialization is known to be excellent for enhancing mental health.

And it is fun! At many adult day programs, participants learn new skills, engage in arts and crafts, and even take trips together. They can experience fresh activities surrounded by peers who share their excitement and understand their challenges. This is no minor thing; society often cruelly assumes that new experiences are the sole domain of the young and forget the unique concerns of older adults. But older adults can have and need new experiences. At Institute on Aging’s day care program, that includes sharing experiences across generations; students from kindergarten all the way through college come and participate in fun and creative programming, along with live music concerts, therapy dog visits, and free community classes. This mix of ages allows people from different ways of life to grow and share together.

So there is no need to feel guilty for signing a loved one up for a day program. You are doing them a kindness, especially if you don’t have time to engage them in mental and physical activity throughout the day.

You are also doing yourself a favor; you deserve to have your own life where you can tend to your own needs, whether practical or emotional. Caregivers deserve room to breathe and to think on their own, and they are better caregivers for it. Ultimately, it’s an act of dedication to your loved one to give yourself space. It can prevent resentment from building and recharge your batteries so that you can be more fully present for your aging loved one when you are together. As such, adult day programs are beneficial for everyone involved.

Logistics and Requirements of Adult Social Day Programs

Lupe was happy to have her questions about the practical side of the social day program answered pretty easily.

“It turns out that pretty much everything was taken care of. The staff was highly-trained and understood how to make sure my mom took her medicine at the right time. The program participants were all at different stages of their mental and physical lives, but the staff knew how to make sure everyone was taken care of. For people with mobility or incontinence issues, full restroom assistance is provided by trained staff who approach with compassion and dignity.

“My mom would start her day with some coffee and chatting with new friends, they’d an interdisciplinary mix of activities, including a seated exercise class, and then have a really healthy lunch. This wasn’t just some sandwiches, it was hot and nourishing. These were homemade meals, made with really good ingredients, and developed by a nutritionist who understands the dietary needs of older adults. Mom was eating better than I was, that’s for sure. It was like they were taking care of her body as well as her mind. After lunch they had another physical activity to keep the blood pumping, followed by three more activities, often including a live concert.

“Oh! One of the best parts is that I didn’t even have to drive. Paratransit picked her up and dropped her off. That made both our lives so much easier.”

(For more information on Paratransit San Francisco, please read here)

IOA’s Social Day Program is available to any older adult. A few notes on how it is run:

Open Monday through Friday as well as the first Saturday of the month

ADA compliant (both the center and the transportation)

Runs from 9AM to 3PM

Participants can come 2-5 times a week

Available for one day/short-term respite with the proper paperwork and notice

Prices vary depending on how many days per week older adult signs up for and average about $80. This price includes all transportation, food, outings, and additional classes.

Having a place to go is always a plus. Having a place to go where you are always treated with respect, compassion, and dignity is everything.

Bringing the Family Together

So, we talked earlier about contradictions. It turns out the one about time is resolved by a contradiction about proximity: by spending less time together, Lupe and her mom are closer.

That’s not uncommon. It isn’t because familiarity breeds contempt or that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It’s because everyone in the caregiver/loved one relationship needs room to themselves. Room to grow, to learn, to express their individuality. And being able to be fully yourself makes being with others warmer and more meaningful.

Lupe, as usual, sums up the benefits of the IOA Social Day Program:

“My mom is happy. I’m happy. And I have more energy not just to take care of her, but to actually spend time with her. To spend quality time, talking to her, asking her about her day, and bonding like we used to. I know it seems silly to say that by having her out of the house I have my mom back, but I really do. And isn’t that what it’s all about?”

At Institute on Aging, our programs and services help older adults, their families, and caregivers explore aging together, through good times and bad, as an adventure and a journey. Contact us today to learn more.

The post Adult Day Programs Bring Comfort To San Francisco Caregivers and Their Aging Loved Ones appeared first on IOA Blog.

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davidcdelreal · 6 years

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7 Money Lessons I Would Give to My 20-Year-Old Self

In present day I'm a successful financial advisor and entrepreneur.

Based on some of the boneheaded money decisions I made in my 20's it is a miracle I can even say that.

I've definitely learned from many of those mistakes, but if I had the chance to hop in a DeLorean and go back in time, here's 7 money lessons I would love to give to myself.

1. Why do you have to be all GQ?

I’m not even sure if the term metro-sexual existed back whenever I was 20 years old, but there’s no question I was the epitome of it. While most guys who attended college were wearing American Eagle, and if they were lucky, Abercrombie & Fitch with their Asics running shoes, I was the guy shopping at the Gap wearing button-up shirts, knitted sweaters, and slick stylish shoes all while attending a junior college.

Sure, I had a part-time job and I could afford some of it, but the reality is that most of it went on a credit card or student loans (especially since I didn't get my private student loans without a cosigner) – stupid debt for clothes that in a year from now I could care less about.

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I don’t even want to try to guess how much money I wasted on clothes that could have been used for so many different things. I also wished I would have known these tips on how to make fast cash when I was young, and maybe avoided using that credit card so much!

2. Don’t miss out on the trip of a lifetime.

What are some of the other things I could have spent my money on? What about traveling to parts of the world I may never see in my lifetime. There are two traveling regrets I didn’t take when I was younger . . . .

The first one was going to New York a month after 9/11. The airline prices were super cheap and a flight to New York, understandably, was less than $100. I had never been to see New York and there was a part of me that just felt like I needed to be there – to be around the suffering our nation had just gone through. My best friend and I talked about it. I can’t remember the exact reason why, but we didn’t go. To this day, I still regret that.

The other trip I regret not taking was a backpacking trip to Europe. The same buddy that talked about going to New York also brought up the idea of taking a backpacking trip to Europe, staying in hostels, and seeing a part of the world we’d never seen.

Unfortunately, I had already amassed a good amount of credit card debt from all the stupid clothes and eating out I took part in while I was in college. The thought of putting even more of that debt on my credit card gave me an uneasy feeling. I can remember the conversation plain as day and it went something like, “Man I would really love to, but there would be a lot more debt added to my credit card and I just don’t feel good about that right now.”

Granted, in the financial state I was in, that would have left me even worse off. Since I got a grip on my finances, I still feel pretty confident that I would have eventually paid it off and still had those memories.

3. Start investing earlier.

For the most part, I was ahead of the curve. I started my Roth IRA when I was 24 years old. I was only putting in $50 per month and definitely could have put in more. I’m still kicking myself for not starting it much earlier.

See, I’ve been working almost 20-30 hours per week ever since I graduated high school. I always had plenty of money but I tended to waste it on crap. I remember a friend of mine in high school was one of those weird guys who knew everything about saving money. He told me about the Roth IRA and told me I should definitely get one started.

I remember thinking to myself, “Yeah, that sounds pretty cool, but I’m going to go spend my money on [fill in the blank with something useless].

I can only imagine if I would have started investing into a Roth IRA just six years earlier or if I would have [GASP!] diversified into stocks, P2P investing with Lending club, or other short term investment options. Who knows how much money I would have today.

4. Cut down on the CDs and start reading more books.

I totally just dated myself. I’m referencing CDs. Millennials, if you don’t know what I’m talking about, do a Google search. I love listening to music and I owned almost every '90s alternative rock band CD from that generation and I wish I would have spent more time investing more money into creating wealth.

It wasn’t until I turned my career into being a certified financial planner that a client, of all people, referred me to Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Dad Poor Dad.

Prior to that, I don’t think I had read any book on investing or personal finance. Heck, I don’t think I even read a book that wasn't required of me outside of school. That book forever changed my mindset and how I would approach business ventures, investing, and anything money related.

I’m amazed whenever I get a chance to speak at our local university and I start asking students about some of the latest books they have read – or even asked if they read some of my favorite books – and I’m shocked to learn that hardly any of them have read any books whatsoever. Many young folks are interested in entrepreneurship and investing, yet they don't invest any time into reading any books on the topic.

The next book that had a meaningful impact in my life was Dave Ramsey’s The Total Money Makeover. The concepts were so simple yet I’ve come across people all the time that didn’t have an emergency fund and were drowning in debt. Dave’s “Baby Steps” were instrumental in helping me give advice to other people in those situations that weren’t familiar with his work.

More present day, a book by Tim Ferriss, The 4-Hour Workweek, was a wake-up call of all the things that I was wasting my time on when I could easily outsource that or delegate that to somebody else versus me having to do everything. That’s another one that I consider a “must” for anybody.

If you want to throw Soldier of Finance in there as a great book to read, I’ll be okay with that too.

5. Don’t waste your time with multi-level marketing.

Oh my gosh, I didn’t really want to publicly admit this. Yes, I was a part of not one, not two, but three multi-level marketing (MLM) companies (insert gag reflexes).

To my defense, I was young. I was looking for the next great business idea and these companies all had great promise. I don’t want to sit here and bash all multi-level marketing companies. I’m sure there are several of them that offer good products and services to those that need it but here is my beef with MLM . . . .

If you go in a multi-level marketing company and they’re more interested in you building up your team than actually finding customers that need the goods and services that the company offers, then that MLM is a scam.

It’s a rip off. Get out. Before you ruin the relationship that you have with friends and family.

The second and third MLM that we joined we had some very close friends that had gotten into this at the same time we had. They joined before us so we were part of their “downline”.

You think about those annoying people that would contact you out of the blue to catch up or invite you to a meeting without giving you all the exact details of what was going to be discussed. That was this couple.

We made this mistake of giving them all of our friends contact and info and they called them. Over and over again. Giving them our friends' contact information basically burned every single bridge of friendships they had and almost ruined ours.

It got the point that every time we hung out with him all they would ever talk about was the multi-level marketing company we were apart of. Talk about a major turn-off. We had to politely distance ourselves from them. Unfortunately, our friendship ended because of the MLM and their obsession with it.

As much as I now hate my MLM experience, I am thankful to have it so that now I know the right way to market a business: don't harass people until they want to avoid you at all costs.

6. Seek out mentors who will give you advice.

Imagine if you were a football player and your dad happened to be a hall-of-famer. The odds are immediately in your favor that you’ll have success. The odds of me being financially successful were certainly not in my favor.

Both my parents were not the best financial role models. Even worse, when I was very young, they struggled with money – both of them filing for bankruptcy twice. I wasn’t given the basic fundamentals of personal finance I needed to succeed and I definitely wasn’t given any tips on investing or entrepreneurship.

Everything I learned for the most part was self-taught. Actually, I wasn't self-taught, I learned through mentors and various coaching programs I made a part of my life.

Most of these mentors weren't sought until well into my later 30's so I wish I would have sought council much sooner.

7. Don’t let life flush your dreams.

This is probably not going to be a newsflash for many of you: life can suck.

Illnesses happen.

Jobs are lost.

Friendships are lost.

People lie.

People cheat.

It’s a cruel, cruel world.

As kids, we’re oblivious to these things. As kids, we still dream about being a race car driver, being an astronaut, becoming a millionaire, or driving a Lamborghini. We don’t know any different but as we get older and life starts to reveal itself to us we can become much more cynical or “realistic.”

“There is no way I could ever drive a Lamborghini.”

“There is no way I could even be a millionaire.”

“There is no way I could ever have the job of my dreams.”

It’s these limiting beliefs that can suffocate us and snuff out our dreams. Don’t let that happen. Is there something you really wanted when you were younger but just gave up on it? A silly one for me was driving a yellow Lamborghini.

I used to have a poster on my wall put up with thumb tacks I had won it at some random carnival. My dad told me that if I worked really hard that eventually I could buy a Lamborghini. I believed him.

As I got older, I realized how much a Lamborghini cost and I told myself I’ll never be able to drive a Lamborghini.

It's over 30 years later and I still do not drive a Lamborghini and probably never will.

Not because I won’t have the money – I just feel like I’d rather spend my money on other things that are much more impactful in my life.

There will be some point in time that I will be able to buy a Lamborghini and pay for it in cash. In fact, I’m close to it now.

The key is removing any limiting beliefs you have of things that you can’t accomplish and replacing that with a liberating truth.

As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right.” Believe in yourself, it can happen. Don’t let life's struggles rob you of the dreams for which you are destined.

Concluding Thoughts

If you're in your 20s and can learn from a few of my lessons, please do. Why learn the hard way? You don't have to! You can learn from the mistakes of those who are older than you. That might not sound like much fun, but believe me, it's certainly better than reaping the consequences of years of mistakes.

If you're older and are looking back like I am, it's important to remember you really can't change the past. That's right, you can't get in a DeLorean time machine and teach your younger self these lessons – I wish! Besides, that might cause a break in the space-time continuum, duh.

However, you can take the lessons you learned from past mistakes and apply them to the present time. If you do so, you'll find yourself enjoying a much brighter future.

Don't let the past hold you back, as if you're in prison. You're not your past self, you're your present self, and you can do amazing things right now.

The truth is that most successful people became successful by picking themselves up, brushing themselves off, and continuing forward even after they made mistake after mistake. You need some grit. And if you're struggling with your finances, you might need some financial grit (here's how to discover some).

Sit down, create a list of some lessons you learned over the years, and make an effort to change your ways. Keep your list close by. Read through your life lessons every now and then. By doing so, you'll refresh yourself and will be more likely to do the right thing when a trial comes your way.

You don't have to continue in your mistakes. You can learn your lessons. You can become a new person. You can be awesome. So go, be awesome!

This post originally appeared on Forbes.

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The post 7 Money Lessons I Would Give to My 20-Year-Old Self appeared first on Good Financial Cents.

from All About Insurance https://www.goodfinancialcents.com/7-money-lessons-i-would-give-to-my-20-year-old-self/

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michaelguyyo · 7 years

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1-100!!!!¡!¡!!!¡!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fucccckkkkk

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

Like relationship? Like do I have a girlfriend? Nope

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

Yeah I always forgive everyone. I don’t really hold grudges, like at all. I love people. Although I guess I am still pretty mad at band staff..

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

What the fuck this furry shit

4: What’s something you really want right now?

I want tomorrow to be over with nothing gone wrong, I am so fuckin stressed. School needs to end. Now.

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

No someone make me fall in love with them RIGHT NOW

6: Do you like the beach?

Not particularly, starting to be more fond of it, but ehhhh I like bonfires at the beach for sure!

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

Yeah all the time. Couches are great places for naps

8: What’s the background on your cell?

It like, space. Stars and shit.

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

Mine, Jamie’s old bed, Tu’s, ummmmmm… honestly I don’t know. Emme’s? Way back in Santa Barbara? That can’t be right but like

10: Do you like your phone?

Yee it’s neat, sometimes it’s kinda shitty though. Texting is a ball ache.

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

Right now….? Yeah.. I’ll let you know tomorrow lmao

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

The fuck who knows that shit… Emme? Tracy? Someone???

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

Poodle baby

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

Emotional pain probably, but I haven’t experienced any big physical pain things. No bone breakings, no bad burns.. So who knows, someone hurt me

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Zoo’s are more mindless fun I’d say! I can just be a kid again

16: Are you tired?

Shit dude you know it.. This question is real as fuck

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

Like you talkin alphabetical? I think I’ve known Aileen since Freshman year.

18: Are they a relative?

Again, alphabetically naw

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

yes

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

Just talked to her last night fam

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

Nope, that’s too much pressure, I’ve got some life to live first.

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Yeah always

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

Big fat zero

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

Nope, and I hate these kinds of questions lmao

25: What’s on your mind?

OH I’m glad you asked!!! Tomorrow I have to go to court from 1:30-3:30, then go to a commission meeting from 4-5:30 then another from 6-7. Then I get home and have to finish ~20% of e2020 and if anything goes wrong in this process I simply do not graduate with my friends!!!!! FUN

26: Do you have any tattoos?

Nope, but I’d consider getting some. I don’t really have any meaningful symbols or anything in my life though so who knows.

27: What is your favorite color?

Purple bb

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

Hopefully everyday for the rest of my life.

29: Who are you texting?

Texting, nobody. Snapchat? Nikki as always and Amber

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

Yeah wtf

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

This is ominous. Probably? Who cares, I don’t have like some story.

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

YEAH!!! She a homie, Nikki Bee is perfect ily. But I have lots others too, I can just talk to Nikki about literally anything.

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I’d like to think so ya, but in reality, probably not lmao

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Yeah, I get it fairly often. In fact the other day I was at the school and this girl who walked past me stopped to compliment my eyes and then yelled at her friend to come see. I was flustered, it was nice.

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

The last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you. lol. I dunno, I’d probably be a little bitter, but they ain’t mine they can do whatever they want. I just don’t wanna watch

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?

Nope, Valentines Day was nice and equally stressful. Almost didn’t do anything but it turned out to be a pretty okay day. Some big complications tho.

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

Yup, pretty close friends luckily!

38: What do your friends call you?

Attractive? Cool? Bit of a dick (who am I kidding a major dick). Lmao they just call me Michael. Some times Mickey McG

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

Yeah fuck band

40: Have you ever cried over a text?

All the time binch. A lot of my breakups and stuff have been over texts. Not only that but also arguments or deep discussions. Texting is wild.

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

On my chest probably. Maybe legs somewhere. I’m white, we whites bruise pretty easily.

42: What is it from?

Who knows, they appear.

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

Every time I invite a girl over who I’m not really that into, I just think about them leaving the whole time. Same when I go out with some girl I’m not really into. I just wanna go. It’s shitty.

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

If Skype call counts, then the homies. If not, then Lizz I think.

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

Ummmmmm not reaaaaally, different shoes for different occasions and outfits. I switch it up.

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

Not anymore :)

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

Douubt it, my head is a weird shape.

48: Do you make supper for your family?

lol

49: Does your bedroom have a door

Yes…??

50: Top 3 web-pages?

Probably Tumblr, Youtube, and Netflix (maybe Amazon?)

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Probably? But idk they’re lame. Shopping rocks.

52: Does anything on your body hurt?

Right now, ya. Always. I’m a mound of aches and pains. But specifically nope I’m pretty good today.

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

Goodbyes are fake. Not real. Nobody ever leaves me. Fake. (yes)

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

Soda probably? Ya some good ole’ Dr. Pepper.

55: How is your hair?

Cute thanks for asking

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

Go. Back. To. Sleep. (check my phone eventually)

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

I sure hope so!!!!

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?

Yes. 100%. No question.

59: Green or purple grapes?

Tough one but I’d say green.

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

Hopefully every fuckin day. Graduation probably though, lotta people.

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

Yeah I would rather be out with people havin fun any day of the week.

62: When will be the next time you text someone?

Still texting people, so gimme 5 seconds.

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

Asleep in bed pls.

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.

Asleep in bed pls.

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

Did I like Lizz by then? No of course not, Amber. Probably Amber.

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

Yeah plenty of people, but Genessis lights up my fuckin world!!! Same with Julia!!! They’re precious!!!

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

Nope, lonely boy (busy boy)

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I dunno I was probably horny or panicked. Or both.

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Yeah of course, everyone has let downs. I can’t think of anything specific though

70: How many windows are open on your computer?

Right now? 3. But that’s not the usual.

71: How many fingers do you have?

What the fuck.

72: What is your ringtone?

Whatever the basic thing is, I keep it on silent all the time.

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

Almost 19

74: Where is your Mum right now?

Asleep upstairs. Sleepy mum.

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

I couldn’t live being around her dad all the time, plus my feelings just kinda faded. I don’t know, it was rough. I still care about her a ton though.

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

Yeah probably

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

Luckily yeah!! and more!!

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

Um ye: Jenna Kern, Summer Stevens, and Cassie Frame to name a few.

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

Meeeeeee

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

Yeah of course, I love sleepin with people like that. It’s perfect.

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

2-3 who knows. A few. Lots. Probably 10′s

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

Yuuppp, I think so, 3 days is a standard gap probably lmao

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

Yeah I always talk to the girls I like lmao like all the time

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

Apparently a bunch of assholes. Me and my friends would never, it’s shitty.

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

As long as they aren’t like, fucked with drugs, then no.

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

We were in the front front row and we were literally 10 feet from the screen. It was the worst experience of my life.

87: Who was your last received call from?

Me mom

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

I mean.. Yeah? The fuck the butterfly would understand I wouldn’t even feel that shitty about it.

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

Goldfish. Sex. In that order.

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Umm probably? But not many people have really destroyed my trust for them, so it’s not a big deal. I am not a very honest person, so trust isn’t a huge concept to me lmao

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

Nope, I sleep too long into the day. Noises would wake me up. Shame too, I like my room chilly.

92: Do you get along with girls?

You know it bby

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

No, but if you think I am, confront me. I’ll letcha know

94: Does sex mean love?

Hell no??? It can I guess but like.. very separate.

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

Naw we’d be a-ok

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

Nope but I’m down, hmu

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

Ya… always… thanks for reminding me… binch

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

My friends make me happier than anything. I love them all so much and they’re a joy to be around/talk to. I’m glad the seniors last year have still been so influential in my life especially.

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Sure why not, girls are pretty.

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

I don’t know, what grade am I in lmao. This was a weird one to end on. Literally who knows

Thanks a bunch you monster!! This was fun binch

#sorry for the long post #not my fault #answers #love you anon

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