#and I have fun and new experiences but I don't. make friends. like it just doesn't happen | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blushstarot · 1 day

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PICK A CARD: In what kind of anime would you live?

Back with another fun one, this time I decided to throw an anime quote in there too! Any and all feedback appreciated.

Pick whichever picture you feel more attracted to and skip to that pile.

!! I DON'T USE THE RIDER-WAITE TAROT DECK, SO MY INTERPRETATIONS OF THE CARDS' SIMBOLOGY IS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT !!

PILE 1

judgement, the tower, two of pentacles (reversed).

Your anime is… seinen. This adult anime category usually incorporates an action and adventure storyline with graphic content like violence, erotic, horror, etc

"I don't give a rat's ass about going to hell. I guess it's because I feel like I'm already there." (Mugen, Samurai Champloo)

This one at first gave me big shonen vibes, especially since in the judgment card kinda looks like there's a training arc going on, but as soon as I got the tower I knew this was going to the seinen direction. Based on the three cards combined, I would guess that you're in an anime were superpowers exist, and only a select few have it. You, of course, happen to have them, sadly the public opinion it's not on your side, as they view your kind as dangerous people that could harm them any minute. An accident happens were you end up hurting and killing innocent civilians, which causes you to leave your home and seek refuge with a group of people that also have powers. Turns out that accident that caused you to flee detonates a hunt for all the people with powers, were the government is looking to lock them up and isolate them from their communities, to do experiments with them. Your new found family and you decide to help rescue all the people you can, and all while you battle with coming to terms with all the damage you done and all the lives you took in the past, and train to be better at controlling your powers.

**As in all the PACs, just take what resonates and leave what doesn't, this is for entertainment only, so have fun with it!

PILE 2

three of swords, seven of swords, the hanged man.

Your anime is... josei. This adult females anime category revolves around romance and drama themes but is also grounded in reality.

"Love, passion, why do we get caught up by such troublesome feelings?" (Takumi Usui, Maid-Sama!)

This, this is the kind of drama that breaks you, the anime that lefts you crying for days when it's over, but also that changes the way you see life. I feel like this drama is romance oriented, the backstory is that you and your partner are very close to this friend, and them together started these unfortunate events in your life. You and your partner started to grow apart, as they start to be more and more closer with the friend, and even though you know what's happening, you don't want to accept it so you keep playing pretend as this perfect in love couple. Eventually you come to terms with what's happening and decide to confront you partner and that friend, of course they deny everything and try to gaslight and manipulate you into believing that it's all in your head. You feel trapped in this toxic relationship/friendship and don't know how to get out of it, thankfully you manage to free yourself from them, and start your healing journey, were you struggle to learn to trust people again. I feel like the anime will focus on your journey of healing, like giving cero context at first on why you are struggling to make friends, and then giving flashbacks of your backstory. Of course at the end you learn to trust people again and even start to consider dating again, either giving a chance to someone who supported you during your journey without expecting something in return, or with someone new that just started to catch your attention.

**As in all the PACs, just take what resonates and leave what doesn't, this is for entertainment only, so have fun with it!

PILE 3

queen of wands, seven of wands(reversed), king of wands (reversed)

Your anime is... Idol. This anime is centered around the life of male and female idols.

"I'm not pure, and I'm dishonest and dirty. I don't have a good grasp of what it means to love someone… I told pretty lies that would please everyone… To me, lies are love. And in my own way, I though I was expressing love." (Ai Hoshino, Oshi no Ko)

I'm 100% sure that your anime would be about the reality of being an idol, "the dark side" of being loved by millions and having all eyes on you. When I was pulling the cards, I got the queen of wands and the seven of wands together, but the queen of wand was on top, and at first didn't let me see the other card, it wasn't until I pulled the king of wands and try to move them out of the way to continue shuffling that I realized I already had the three cards I needed. Based on that, I see the anime telling your story at first through a superficial lens, were we can only see this famous, successful idol that everyone likes, that's outgoing, optimistic, full of energy and is just the type to have YouTube compilations named "x being chaotic for 7 minutes straight". You hide your true self behind a mask of being energetic, courageous and passionate, while in reality you feel like you're weak, exhausted, burnt-out, and that you lack experience in life in general, so you try to overcompensate. Your life is basically a play were you're scared of stepping our of your comfort zone, maybe you want to leave the stage and have a normal life, or you are planning to leave your group and being a soloist now; either way you care too much about others opinions and that makes you feel powerless. In this one I'm not really sure if you overcome your fears and anxiety since I'm getting this conflicted feeling that you do and don't at the same time, so maybe you overcome some things and still need to work on some others.

**As in all the PACs, just take what resonates and leave what doesn't, this is for entertainment only, so have fun with it!

Thanks for taking the time to read this! I have another PAC you can check out here, or go directly to my master list where you can find all my PACs.

I'll really apreciate if you guys can tell me if there's any spelling mistakes so I can fix them, and if you have any suggestions on future PACs you want to see me do, you can send me and ask.

Bye byeee ✨

#pick a card #tarot #tarot cards #tarot community #tarot reading #free tarot #pac #pick a pile #pick a picture #tarotblr #tarot reader #anime #blush'starot

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manofbeskar · 2 days

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Okay, I am interested in your Dracule Uta posts now. (She's just so cute and I just know he embroidered that flower on her onesie!!) I need to know more!!

I don't have too much details yet but this is what I have for now:

While Shanks finds her in a treasure chest after raiding another crew, Mihawk instead finds her after killing some marines and discovering her on their ship, eating a devil fruit. He figures the Marines probably don't have good intentions for her so he takes her with him.

For the first few days/weeks, he tries to find another home for her. He thinks his life as a marine hunter and lone pirate is too dangerous to care for an infant. A bit of a Buddy Daddies thing in that way, that he's too dangerous to be around and frankly doesn't want the responsibility.

When he finds out which devil fruit she ate (still the Sing-Sing fruit), he realises he can't risk her falling into the hands of someone more corrupt who can manipulate her powers. He decides to go all in and try his best to raise her properly.

He goes to Shanks for help. He himself never had good parents, but he knows Shanks had a good relationship with Roger and his crew also has older men who may have advice to offer. He gets closer to the RHP this way, learning from them how to best care for a baby.

Shanks grows close to Uta. He likes that her hair makes her look like his and Mihawk's baby. He also treats her like she is their kid, always accidentally calls himself her father. Uta also thinks of him like that. Similar to Buddy Daddies again, Mihawk and Shanks both acknowledge they have parental roles in her life but, at this point in time, don't view themselves as romantic co-parents.

(Of course, they have feelings for each other but Mihawk is oblivious to his feelings and Shanks is secretly crushing hard. He loves how good Mihawk is with the kid and how hard he's trying)

Shanks likes to bribe Uta with sweets to talk him up to Mihawk. Always backfires on him because she's way too frank about it (learned that from Mihawk). She'll just say shit like, "Mihawk, Shanks told me he wants to kiss you!" and it embarrasses Shanks every time.

Uta loves being carried by Mihawk. He carries and controls Yoru so easily. Even teen Uta is practically weightless in his arms. It reminds her of when he first found her and rocked her in his arms as they rode his boat back to his home.

Uta sees Mihawk and Shanks's feelings for each other grow over the years until on her 12th birthday she told them to get a grip and go out already. They went out and have been together ever since.

Mihawk and Shanks figured out a co-parenting arrangement a few years before Shanks docked at Windmill Village. Mihawk thinks it will be good for Uta to go sailing with Shanks every once in a while as his experiences sailing with him have always ended with fun stories and meeting new people.

Mihawk wants Uta to get out there and appreciate the world's vastness. He often takes her sailing (if she isn't sailing with Shanks) and shows her all his favourite spots. Sometimes Shanks comes along and tells her stories of "that time me and Mihawk came here ourselves and this really cool thing happened"

Mihawk let Shanks take Uta for longer than before when he docked at Windmill Village as he wanted Uta to make long-term friends that weren't twice her age like himself and the RHP, so she still meets Luffy. While he is a loner, he wants Uta to experience everything and meet people from all walks of life so she can figure out exactly who she wants to be.

Mihawk trained her to be a strong swordswoman since young. She's very skilled with the blade but told him she wanted to be a singer. Mihawk supports her preference and is happy to listen to all her new songs. As he strived to be the greatest swordsman when he was young, he now wants to help Uta become the greatest musician. He tunes in for every broadcast she does and makes sure the RHP catches them too. Uta still cares a lot about her swordsmanship and practices it often to stay sharp.

She carried a bamboo sword as a kid, then got Shanks's old one with the red hilt as a hand-me-down when she was 15. For her 18th birthday, Mihawk had a Yoru-inspired blade crafted for her. She named it "Musica". It looks similar to Yoru but the orbs are red and heart-shaped, the blade isn't black, and it's shorter.

She lives at Kuraigana with Mihawk but splits her time between there and wherever Shanks is. When Perona moved in, they became close friends. Perona loves hearing about her Mihawk stories. She also regularly duels with Zoro when he moves in, insists he doesn't stand a chance against Mihawk if he can't even beat his first student.

Uta's favourite colour is teal because it's the colour Yoru's blade shines.

Her eyes have rings as Mihawk also taught her powerful observation haki (I don't know if the rings are directly relevant to that but I like how the rings look on her)

#ask #dracule uta au

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markantonys · 3 days

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a few more bridgerton thoughts! i've always been only a casual enjoyer who watches just for a few hours of fun and doesn't get super invested, but even so, i'm still feeling pretty underwhelmed by this season so far. i watched it in one sitting and enjoyed it while it was happening but just immediately forgot about it as soon as i was done. maybe all the memorable moments are going to be in the second half of the season, but for these first four episodes, i feel like it was all just kinda bland and forgettable (granted, of all the romance tropes in the world, m/f childhood-friends-to-lovers is just about the #1 most boring one to me, so this never would've been my favorite season regardless)

i adore romance and romcoms, always have, and am pretty happy to watch The Classic Marriage Plot play out a thousand times, yet i feel like bridgerton is maybe becoming TOO formulaic and repetitive. although, to be fair, i WAS giggling and kicking my feet during all the Classic Romance Scenes, but the problem was maybe just that there weren't enough of them, which brings me to my second point of too many subplots. too much padding and filler and not enough Classic Romance, which is what i'm here for.

8 hours is way more time than is needed to tell 1 love story, so to fill up the time they invent 17 random subplots that are ultimately pointless and have little relevance outside of the current season. i would way rather a season be only 4 episodes but tightly focused on the main love story, or that a season be about two siblings and two main love stories at a time, than have all this extra time they need to fill up with random unimportant shit. why have we had 3 seasons' worth of storylines about benedict having one-off non-endgame girlfriends that don't have a lasting impact on his character development? what's the point? he's been treading water for so long that i'm not even going to care about him anymore by the time he finally comes into the spotlight, and same with eloise. god, the thought of eloise's season potentially not being until like 2027 is insane. it's past time to start picking up the pace and doing 2 siblings per season!

and the kicker is that all these subplots, which were only invented to fill up the time, end up filling too MUCH time and taking away from the main love story, which is left feeling underbaked. this sort of happened last season, but it's way worse this season. penelope is an excellent character, but her back is breaking from trying to carry the season because colin is kinda giving us nothing due to lack of narrative attention given to him as an individual. he's supposed to be the co-lead, yet i couldn't tell you a single personality trait of his besides "vaguely nice" because he's just had no development and exists more as a prop for penelope to love than as a fleshed-out character in his own right. there was that whole scene where violet was talking about how he's a people pleaser who focuses on making others happy at the expense of his own wants and happiness, and i was just sitting there going "he is?" because i didn't feel i'd ever gotten to know him enough as a person to see this trait in him.

i also think the "dropping a season in 2 halves" model is just about the worst possible release model. if you drop 1 episode a week, that's constant engagement and allows for longer time to digest and appreciate each individual episode. if you drop the whole season at once, it's all over too fast but on the flipside you can experience the entire story at once without risking forgetting things or losing interest while waiting for new episodes. but dropping in two halves a month apart is the worst of both models (over too quickly yet also makes you wait too long to finish the story).

i do like some of the subplots, though. cressida getting to be more than just a mean girl caricature has been a particular highlight, the mondrich family going suddenly from working class to noble is interesting to see, and as a mega-introvert myself (and a music lover!) whose ideal partner would be someone who's happy to sit in silence with me, francesca and john's whole vibe is THE definition of romance to me and has me absolutely swooning (and it's a nice change of pace from all the loud dramatic romances on this show). violet potentially finding new love is also very sweet and i'm rooting hard for her! meanwhile i am not a fan of the featherington subplot; after s1 portraying regency girls' lack of sex education as a serious issue, it feels.........odd for the show to now be playing that very same thing for laughs this season and it just kinda makes me uncomfortable.

but otherwise there isn't much i dislike about the season, it's just kinda "meh" to me so far. the second half might turn things around if it's more memorable!

#bridgerton #bridgerton spoilers #i am not active in the bridgerton fandom at all so i don't want to get into TOO much discourse or anything here haha #just recording my thoughts! and curious if any of my followers have similar ones

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monty-glasses-roxy · 8 months

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Anyway. Fun thing while I'm still stuck in brain fog land.

Trans Femme Freddy from a while back. Ya know, Francine Fazbear? Now that I like to give Freddy and Roxy a 'fuck you. FUCK YOU TOO' kind of relationship, there's some new layers to Francine to explore.

My Roxy is trans. She has a fun gender, and she does what she likes. She is not male or female, she's not a man or a woman, she's not a secret third thing, she's just Roxy. That's it. She has problems with the gendered aspects of her body, and if she's able to change that? She's very well supported and is clearly over the moon about it.

She said she liked any pronouns, but still favoured she/her and there was no name change. She didn't want any of that! She's always been Roxy! She just gets to decide what that looks like now! She can be as masc or as femme or as gender neutral as she wants! She will do whatever she wants and still be Roxy! By the time this stuff happens, she's been dealing with this gender stuff for so long, and understandably, kept the majority of her thoughts and feelings about it all to a very close circle of friends. Of which Freddy is not a part of.

Now, if we take Freddy and sail him down the river towards Francine, in my head, I get something that'd be interesting to explore in a fic of sorts.

After Roxy is free to do whatever she wants with her presentation, and makes a few changes to her body she's wanted, it gets Freddy thinking. He's barely seen the tip of the iceberg of her gender related problems, but now that he really thinks about it, the few issues he did see start to make sense. Truth be told, Freddy has always struggled a lot with his own assigned gender, something he's vaguely expressed to Bonnie and Chica, but never said outright. He never let himself wonder what he could be. He never took the time to really consider what he wanted because it would never be possible. There would be no point. All he knows, is that he's not a boy. He's not a man. He's not a dad or a boyfriend either. Those words just don't fit. A lot of things just don't fit, but there's nothing he can do about it.

But Roxy has just shown him something can be done. He's there in the group as she briefly talks about how she feels about it all, saying that she doesn't know exactly how she wants to present, but that she's got ideas for days and she's ready to see what sticks. He's there when she talks about the various attempts to do something like this before (against Fazbear Entertainment's wishes) that have gone South, and even remembers a few of those instances himself. He'd never understood why she did those things and he'd wondered at the time why she clammed up and gone completely quiet when he confronted her about damages, rule breaking or going against the company. Normally, she would have told him straight away why she'd done something. She was always loud and proud but not in the moments she talks about. Now Freddy gets it. For once, Roxy makes sense to him. He gets it.

And he doesn't like it.

He's staring at himself in the mirror. He's worried, he's nervous, and he keeps thinking about how Roxy did it. How Roxy is happier now. How she said she took her time, went slowly with it and had DJ and the Minis he very rarely sees behind her every step of the way. How Roxy has what Freddy wants but not quite.

He tries not to think too hard about it. Convincing himself that it's still not possible. He's Freddy Fazbear! He can't be anything but Freddy Fazbear! That's just how it is! It's not going to change!

But he keeps thinking. The questions keep coming and the answers aren't there. The words 'boy' and 'boyfriend' and 'man' start sticking more. He can see Roxy getting referred to as a boy sometimes, with he/him pronouns, they/them and even some random ones he's never heard of and he's starting to get so fucking jealous and it spikes every time she smiles after someone uses she/her for her. He wants so badly not to be bothered by any of this, but he is and it's starting to hurt when there's someone right there that might have the answers he's looking for... but fucking hellfire does he hate her. He's painfully aware that feeling is mutual.

He can't just go to Roxy. They're not even allowed to be left alone in the same room together after they got into an actual, physical fight a few years back. The tension has dwindled since then, but it's never left. They still fucking hate each other. That will never change, he's sure.

But no one else has the answers. No one else could possibly have the answers. No one else has done it before. He wants to know what he's feeling is okay. He wants to know that there's an option and he needs someone to be there that understands. But he'd rather die than rely on Roxy, and he's sure she'd rather die than help him. He's certain that out of everyone, she'd be the one to turn him away. He's certain she'd use it as her next backhanded compliment, or ammunition in their next sniping match. Why wouldn't she? She uses everything else against him, and he's just as guilty of it, so he won't ask. He won't say a word. He'll watch, he won't be sad, he won't think about it, and he'll occasionally seethe with frustration and envy right beneath the surface.

Until it's just too much.

Freddy was there when some bigotted parent started shouting. That this gender stuff is a game. It's all a money making scheme. It's all nonsense and it's just a phase. They shouldn't be encouraging any of it! Why can't they just be normal about it? It's making kids believe it's okay to throw their lives away because everyone else is doing it! I mean, what's next? Freddina Fazbearella? He says nothing. For the first time in his life, violence feels like the only good response. The thought scares him, and he does nothing.

Roxy steps in. She laughs in their face with all the confidence in the world and says "Lady, gender is a race and I'm winning. Don't be a sore loser now!" and a few minutes of her taking the abuse with a smirk on her face later, they're removed to the sound of applause. Little kids that had barely paid Roxy any attention before were suddenly enamoured. She's not a boy or a girl?? You can just be anything???? Wow!!! That's so cool!!! Suddenly she has a group of little kids, trading dolls and toy trucks and playing a game called Anything where they can be anyone they want. Chica and Sunny are there now, rallying them to play dress up and have fun with who they are and Freddy just watches on in silence. Little boys in dresses are princesses of the castle, little girls are racing trucks with fake moustaches. Two kids swapped names and shirts. They're all encouraged to try everything and find what they want to be and the game is so full of fun and laughter. He leaves when no one is looking. He has a lot to think about. Is it really that easy?

No, he decides. It's not. That's a simplified version for the kids. Roxy didn't teach them about her issues, or walk them through any feelings. She just taught them to be themselves, like she's always done in her own way. Would she do the same for him? He doesn't think so... but that person's words are on loop in his head. He can't just ignore this anymore. What he felt in that moment wasn't who he is, he can't let it go on like this. So he takes the gamble.

He shows up after hours. She's on the roof of her salon playing her keytar. She's not supposed to be up there... A Mini Music Man alerts her that he's there and he remembers she's territorial. She doesn't like anyone walking in after hours unnanounced. Monty's the same. She sets her keytar aside and leaps down. He can already tell she's angry and he wonders for the millionth time today if he's made a mistake. He hears her growling and demanding to know what he's doing on her turf, she barely tolerates him during the day, and he wants to answer 'Nothing. I am sorry to have bothered you.' but he doesn't. For once he can't say a word. He doesn't know where to start. He's frozen and while he wants to back out, he can't move. She gets louder and he notices the Minis have pretty much vanished. Are they scared too...? She gets closer, gets in his face and asks if he's fucked up his ears or something. She jabs at him and he can't keep the impassive mask in place. He expects her to grab him, to drag him out of her territory like she's done a few dozen times before...

Instead, Roxy pauses. She looks him up and down and takes a few steps back with narrowed eyes. She looks around and suddenly looks uneasy. "You're alone." she says. "I am." he answers. She's expecting the worst, he's sure. A death, or something, perhaps. "Why." It's not even a question. It's a command. It kicks something in his head and suddenly five words spill out of him and he turns his head down to glare at the floor and brace himself for whatever her repsonse may be.

"I am not a boy." He'd said. He's not sure if he wants to cry, melt into the floor or just be happy he's finally said it. There's such a long silence. He's never felt afraid to look before.

"You're not...?" She sounds utterly lost and he shakes his head. Why does she sound like that? Does she not know this feeling? He was certain she would! "Okay... so... w-why are you telling me...? Of all people??" she asks. He looks up and she recoils in shock at what must be a mess of emotion on his face, a far cry from the controlled mask he always wears with her. Never before has he felt so exposed and so afraid of what he's doing.

"What do I do?" He feels like he's almost begging. Perhaps he is. He's been ignoring this for so long, he needs an answer. What does he do now?

Roxy's face falls thoughtful. She leaves him waiting for a while, and for once, he's glad she's taking the time to find her words. She sighs and nods to herself. He's left staring in confusion as she turns and walks towards the salon entrance. She looks back at him after he doesn't move and gestures more pointedly for him to follow. And follow he does. Without a word. She takes him into the back, through a door he noticed behind the shelves before, and into the warmly lit tunnel system of play areas he's never really been in before. They sit in a comfy, surprisingly cosy spot and she starts to talk, or more accurately, starts prompting him to talk.

It's awkward. It's difficult. He's never struggled to articulate himself before but he is now. She doesn't just hear him like she always does. She listens. She nods, and offers comparisons so she can clarify what he's saying and it's like she knows and like she gets it. She tells him that nothing will leave this spot that he doesn't want to take with him and while they've never been close and he's never truly taken the time to know her, he knows she'll keep this promise to the bitter end. Like he knows she always does. She answers when he asks about her own experiences, but noticeably keeps it brief to focus on him. A few things suddenly seem obvious to him, while others still make no sense, and she stops him every time he insists he can't be who he feels he truly is. He fumbles a few times, says he shouldn't be telling her this and she just shrugs and tells him this isn't exactly something she thought she'd be doing either, but now that he's here, she wants to do it. He didn't believe her, but he's still here. And so is she, her full attention on him.

He doesn't get an answer to his question. She can't give him that, he's learned. Yet, he leaves Roxy's territory a little lighter than when he went in. He's learned a lot, about himself and Roxy too. He wonders as he walks if maybe Bonnie rubbed off on her just a little bit. Or maybe she's not as bad as he's always believed she was...

And maybe she's right. If gender is a race, then maybe it's about time he got off the starting line.

#fnaf security breach #roxanne wolf #glamrock freddy #this isn't to say they make friends or anything #just a new respect for each other!#he'll come up with his own way to talk about gender when he's ready he's not sticking to the racing thing #though he does for a while #only problem these two are facing is escaping the others to have these conversations one on one #ya know since they're not ALLOWED to be on their own without at LEAST one other animatronic-#or THREE staff members with them at any time.#and if you're curious... yeah the Minis avoid him like the plague.#they only really come out of the woodwork when he's around if Roxy needs them #which isn't very often #anyway #enjoy the rare freddy post!#just been thinking it could be fun to explore something like this #and I'm not gonna say I'm not trans enough. not starting that train of thought.#whacking myself on the nose with a rolled up newspaper like 'TRANS IS AN UMBRELLA AND YOU ARE AT THE PICNIC BENCH IT'S KEEPING THE RAIN OFF #even so. I don't have a lot of self awareness so I might not have the experience to do it justice?#eh I could try #probably won't do it regardless though. god forbid my brain lets me do anything.#anyway yeah fun post I got carried away with enjoy

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crescentfool · 6 months

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i think something that is important to me to remember is that there are small ways i can do things to spark joy for myself and others without waiting for someone else to do it... (conjures up little sparklies from my hands) life is so whimsical!!!

#lizzy speaks #for full transparency i cannot make sparklies emit from my hands unfortunately #but i can imagine that i can and i think thats cool i'm like a swaggy little magician #anyways sometimes i see announcements for games and im like #ok! cool! some people are very excited and happy. so awesome!! happy for them!!!#but personally i think i've found much more joy in doing my own thing #and it's ok if you're not particularly enthused about a new thingy because sometimes you still have other things you can do #or you have other things that feel much more gratifying to you. and thats ok!!!#this is a vague toward reload and splat3 (specifically splatfests)#it's become clear 2 me that reload is curating a different experience for pee 3 with the new mechanics they introduce #and i didn't realize how attached i was to how fes's mechanics (tiredness + fusion spells) can inform's one characterization of kitaro #until i kept seeing the new things for reload. still interested in reload's alternate interpretations but wont be following the news closel #and for splatfest. turf is not my favorite mode in splat by a long shot' but at least i can salmon with friends! or play another game #i think it's always important for me to remember that not everything will be for me and that's a good thing #when i see things that dont excite me as much. it reminds me about what i care about the most and to remember to hold those things close #i can make my own fun with my own little creations i don't need to wait for games to host events for me i can just draw silly little guys #or i can choose to make silly little clownery happen on my own terms and i think thats neat #even if i'm not hyped about something that others are hyped about that's okay because i'm nourishing myself and that's really fucking cool #and hey maybe i will find the joy in those things eventually. or not! and thats ok. who knows!! anything can happen!!#anyway if you read all of this thank you :3 and i hope that you will always be able to find your way to find something that excites you

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girlscience · 4 months

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having some thoughts today about sexuality and for the first time in a long fucking time they are positive. had an experience last night and i won't go into detail, but afterwards i was thinking "that was for me and i don't want to and would not want to ever share that with anyone else". and now i'm having thoughts today about maybe my sexuality is for me and it's not about other people. it's about what i enjoy and what feels good to me and maybe i would invite someone else into that someday, but my sexuality would exist for me even if i never had a sexual partner in my whole life. i shouldn't worry about or struggle with or try to label myself for that potential partner or my family or my friends or random people online or strangers on the street. it's just about me and what i enjoy. what makes me feel good. and for some reason that's not something i ever really realized before. my sexuality isn't a nutrition label on a can of soup, it isn't some political opinion or experience, it isn't alienating to others, and it certainly isn't a moral stance. it is an internal experience for me to enjoy first and foremost and that has nothing to do with other people.

#like yeah i'm attracted to other people. but the way that makes me feel or act has nothing to do with them #i get off in certain ways because it feels good to me. not because other people thinks it's normal or weird or it's how they get off #i have certain kinks and i enjoy them because they make me feel good. not because other people think they are good or bad or whatever #it's my internal experience and i could share it with other people but i don't have to because i would enjoy it anyway by myself #its like. video games or transformers or books or hiking #i love all of these things by myself. i play video games and go hiking in the woods alone #and i love it!!!! i enjoy reading books by myself and watching tf on the couch alone #my enjoyment is not dependent on other people doing those things with me #but it can be fun to do it with others too! i like video chatting friends while playing video games together #or going on hikes with other people. it's fun!! i love talking about books and transformers with other people #but that's like a whole new second experience to what i do and feel by myself #not better or worse just different and it's a shared experience which makes it like it's whole own new thing #but the enjoyment started just with me first and then grew into something new with other people's involvement #IDK IF IM MAKING SENSE BUT IT FEELS BIG AND SPECIAL AND LIKE DISCOVERING SOMETHING NEW TO ME #like i'm on the horizon of some big unexplored land and it's exciting and strange and hopeful all at once #idk i just feel like my whole life i've been told sexuality is about other people and how they feel about you and how you relate to them #and it's for them. it's a gift it's sacred it's intimate and special and beautiful or it's broken and dirty and ugly and bad if done wrong #and like maybe absolutely none of that is true #maybe MY sexuality is just about ME and is just for ME and everyone else can get fucked

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neverendingford · 5 months

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#so I have officially been to a club/bar now #tag talk #it was a country bar which was actually cool cause they played like. actual old country none of the post-9/11 shit #except everything else about it was ugh awful. music too loud drinks FUCKING EXPENSIVE holy shit stay home and drink instead pleaseeee #it was a work thing but none of my coworkers I'm friends with actually knew what they were doing so while I wasn't actual awkward they were #and the thing about social interaction is that if no one knows what they're doing it's not very fun #I grabbed someone and started a pool game because the table was open and both of us were absolute garbage at the game #but I was laughing about it and they were like... apologetic about being bad?? d #I did have the classic experience though where your friends disappear and you end up alone because you don't know where they went #all in all an interesting experience but not one I'm eager to repeat.#I did get invited to someone's Christmas Eve Party though which is cool and they gave me their number to make sure I have the info #so probably worth going just for that I think. got their phone number so we can communicate so that's like. successful social connection.#we're already friendly at work but easier to talk to someone when you're both not busy on the opposite side of the store with customers #anyway. who tf out going to clubs. awful environment.#I was like.. twenty percent of the way to being comfortable going out and dancing but hard to just swallow your hesitation #and a) alcohol as liquid courage is hmm not ideal and b) it was expensive anyway #oh well. it'll take more time to come out of my shell and I'd literally never been to a bar/club before in my life.#so I'll have some patience with myself and not be annoyed with how I could have done better or been more confident.#literally totally new environment. also... country music was nice but not a group of people I could really be comfortable around yaknow?#Lotta old white straight couples dancing the country two-step so I didn't really feel like I fit in.#anyway. interesting experience. neat to have. if I ever have a reason to go to a bar again I'll know more about what to expect #also... no one carded me. no one asked for ID? aren't they supposed to #oh wait. comment about the yodeling cause it was actual old country but they didn't do the voice register changes for it #I was like WAIT ARE THEY GONNA YODEL FOR REAL??? but then he didn't he just jumped intervals without shifting voice.#was a little disappointing but maybe a lot to expect from a random stage show at a bar.#wait wait I'm also proud of myself because the bartender asked open or closed and my mind scrambled for half a second to figure it out #but then I realized it meant open tab or closed tab like ordering more drinks and then paying at the end and so obviously closed #cause I ain't buying more than the one drink holy fuck it was so expensive also they mix them way stronger than I like #I like my drink weak ass and pathetic. alcohol is like spice I like a little to taste but not a lot. complimentary not overpowering #I drank it and then remembered I never ate lunch so I was like fuck and immediately went and ate something (work party so free food)

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anotherpapercut · 7 months

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I hope I don't NEED to say this but it's really okay to not enjoy clubbing or to like ever go and the only thing I think is kind of funny about it is there are some people getting very heated about this thing that doesn't matter at all

#like i go to 'a club' maybe 3 times a year aldnskbd i dont like them very much because theyre loud and they play shitty music #i prefer to hang out at chill hipster bars so i can sit in a chair and read or something. or i go to a place with live music #but i also think if youve never been you should consider trying. new experiences and all that #sometimes its nice to hang out with a friend sitting in the corner of the patio talking to whoever happens to sit down at our table #sometimes you get to see a drag show #soemtimes you just get to watch drunk people be stupid and thats pretty fun too #don't let people on tumblr make you feel cringe they literally have a tumblr account you know

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cookinguptales · 1 year

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today's mantra is "time spent healing is never wasted"

#just me #vent post #I often feel like my childhood was taken from me due to trauma #the medical trauma the physical abuse the religious trauma the csa #and then I feel like I 'wasted' my 20s trying to bounce back from that and feel like a person again #but that time wasn't wasted even if I may not have hit the same benchmarks as my peers #I studied and I traveled and I tried new things and I went to therapy #I learned healthy coping mechanisms and how to navigate the world with a broken body #I learned to make fun and silly and beautiful things #I slowly got back into writing and found an outlet for the waves inside me #I honestly very genuinely did not think I'd make it to my 30s and some days I have a weird sense of #'well what do I do now? I never thought I'd make it this far'#'I never made all the same preparations that everyone else did. I never had the same experiences. I will never catch up now.'#but one of the things I learned in my 20s is how to live for small things #a view from a mountain or a nice night with your friends or a very fancy cookie #my life might be small and quiet and... I don't know. not what everyone would exactly aspire to.#but I'm in less pain now #I can start to appreciate the beautiful things around me from mundane to truly special #and that's enough #it has to be enough #I didn't waste a decade #I was dealt a shit hand like a lot of other people are #and I slowly forced myself to heal from it even when I wanted to give up #my life is not a waste and I am not a waste so that time was not a waste either #and I think... these days I probably do improve lives by still being around and being who I am #just a little but a little is enough #a little builds up #I want to finish this embroidery and I want to write stories and I want to try a strawberry-rose linzer torte and I want to see Roswell #I want to learn the people around me and myself #so... I guess that's what I'll do now

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visdiefje · 9 months

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AJR was right. It really doesn't seem like there's anyone for me

#not talking romance even btw. although sure yeah that too. but.#I don't know. 28 years without the kind of friendships where you casually hang out a lot #without a social network that you can see weekly.#it's not that I don't appreciate online and farther away friends. it's not. god knows they are my lifeline #but I can feel my heart growing a little more tired and a little colder every so on #and look. I go to activities and have some groups I genuinely enjoy being in #but it has to be said there are 0 individual bonds with anyone there. I enjoy the environment and physical presence of the group #but I can't call any one individual a friend. and that is hard #I know people say to find activities for shared interests and I'm sure some people find friends that way #and I have fun and new experiences but I don't. make friends. like it just doesn't happen #I don't know. I feel like I might as well wander through life as a ghost. virtually impactless #and it's fine. I'll wander through life. I'll travel to experience temporary kinship. all along I'll feel sorrow at the prospect of leaving #but in the end I will come home to an empty house and that is where one day I will die #it's just how it is. it's how it's always been. at a certain point you can't really ask for that miraculous turnaround in life anymore #nothing is going to magically shift. not when life time and time again grabs you and says this is who I am for you #you can wish and wait and hope and it will never ever be anything but this #bien rambles

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inkskinned · 5 months

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i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

#spilled ink #warm up #“why did u tag it warm up” bc i wrote it off the cuff while drinkin coffee lol #btw the 30 dollar buy in for the dog walking is bc they pay the organizer a small pittance so she can #run fb ads and stuff and like she does put in a lot of work i don't mind paying her #but that's exactly what im fucking talking about like.#ppl can't afford to volunteer their time anymore and we all understand it!!! everything costs money for everyone!#like we didn't have to use to say ''do you mind paying me back for the stuff we ate''#we used to be able to afford to feed our friends once in a while!!!

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wild-at-mind · 1 year

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Me recently: what if someone thinks I’m a loser? What if I AM a loser??

#what triggers this? usually comparing my life to other people's #it's just like.....i'm 33 soon to be 34. and i've barely lived at all.#i feel like there are certain life experiences that people do in their 20s that they look back on and say #'those things i did i would not do now as they were probably a bad idea #but i was young and fun and now i'm older and can calm down a bit and i'm glad i had those experiences'#but for me i feel like it took me this long to find the tiniest idea of who i am #sometimes i feel like i fel out of a cocoon or something like a year ago #i feel like i was born yesterday i've done no living at all #and that which i did do i don't talk about because i don't want to make other people feel like i do right now #if they haven't done those things #but like i've not done anything god fuck #my friend who doesn't message me back any more said it seemed like i wanted new experiences and that's not a bad thing #and it's true and she's right but omg i'm so scared #every time i tried to do anything the slightest bit adventurous in the past something went fucked up #and all the people who might have introduced me to fun new things are gone because they made me feel shitty #and when i meet new people they stop messaging me #i'm waaaay way too old to be behaving like an experiementing teenager and i feel like everyone is laughing at me because of it #even if they are not i feel like they can tell i'm the boring person i always thought i would grow up to be #i better stop here because i'm crying again fuck fuck fuck

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tanaor · 3 months

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Want simple tips to heavily improve your skills with character voice??

(📝Note: character voice is the way you convey your character's personality though their pov or dialogue when you write. No two characters speak the same📝)

I speak from experience when I say character voice is hard to get right. Characters, like people, have lots of layers that affect the way they see the world around them and how they interact with other characters. That's why character voice is so important in stories, and why if you write it in a compelling and effective way it will hook people into your story. I hope you learn something new in this post!!

When writing character voice, there's a list of things that you should take into account:

Where are they from? Their past and what they've lived plays a huge part in character voice. Maybe your character grew by the ocean, and so they compare things from the present to the beach, the rocks or the sea itself. You will rarely read about a sailor that is an expert in pants and compares scents to flowers. They might, instead, talk about how a house smells like the wet wood of a ship.

Think about how their personality shapes their language. If they are insecure, they might end most of their sentences with "isn't it?" or "right?" and ask a lot of questions, whereas if you have a confident character, you might find them saying things like "we should do this" or "that will be fun" instead.

What their "lense" is. This is more of an ethic aspect of the character. What have they learn it's okay, and what do they find uncomfortable? Would they find it gross if their friend left laundry on the floor?

Give them special traits (both for dialogue and narration). Maybe character A quotes a lot when they narrate and uses long paragraphs, or maybe B speaks about their past a lot and uses popular sayings. Personally, one character of mine has the tendency to repeat himself when he speaks, as in "yeah, yeah, I'll do it" or "no, no, no. Never" because he is really enthusiastic, and it fits really well with his character.

Pay attention to how they would talk about themselves. Maybe your character doesn't like people to know they're sad because it makes them feel vulnerable, so they will just say they feel annoyed or don't want to talk in that moment. This also means that they will not tell the reader something they are not comfortable saying in the first place.

How is their education? Education is also very important in this context. Did they went to university and have a rich vocabulary and structured sentences, or where they rised in a little farm far from town? You can also play with both a bit: maybe your character did go to university, but maybe they also came from a low income family, and characteristic of both things merge when they talk. Example: long, structured, sentences but a simple and sight forward vocabulary.

That's all for now and happy writing!!

Other tips for writers: previous | next

#writeblr #writing #writer #writers #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #creative writing #character development #current wip #tips for writers #writing tips #tips #main character #original character #character dynamics #oc #ocs #writing advice

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ao3commentoftheday · 6 months

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any advice about how to deal with posting a fic and getting radio silence? I know ppl aren’t owed engagement ofc, but I feel embarrassed at having spent so long on something no one cares about, and although I liked thinking about the characters and fandom before (and was considering writing more about them), now I can’t think about it without feeling that overpowering embarrassment 😭 part of me wants to delete the fic, but that would mean having to open ao3 and look at it again LMAO

sorry for the venting, I know this is probably a me problem, but has anyone else felt this, and if so, is there any way to make this pervasive shame go away??

*hugs* This is a very painful thing to experience and there isn't really any way to make it just go away, unfortunately. However, you can reflect on it a bit, when you're ready to.

Writing and posting are separate activities. If you've enjoyed writing the story but you haven't enjoyed posting it to the Archive, you can always continue writing just for yourself. This may or may not be something you'd enjoy - you know better than I do whether some of your enjoyment came from the anticipation of a reaction to your work.

Try to analyze where your embarrassment is coming from. Is it worrying that your story was poorly written? A lack of a reaction doesn't mean that the story is bad. Being unpopular doesn't mean it's bad, either. If your story is good to you, then it's a good story.

Is your embarrassment from feeling like you were "caught trying." Is it a cringe at the idea that you put effort into something that someone else doesn't (appear to) find valuable?

Is it actually embarrassment at all? Are you feeling a different kind of hurt instead? Did you hope that someone in particular would read your story and now you feel ignored? Did you hope to be embraced by your community and now you feel shunned?

These are difficult questions that I'm asking and you might not want to think about them right now. That's okay. You don't need to if you don't want to. You can definitely delete the fic and pretend it never happened. Or you can log out of that AO3 account and create a new one and never look back. Maybe you just need to take a week or a month off for a hiatus of sorts and when the ache isn't as bad, you'll be able to face it all again.

When I felt this way, it was because I felt like I'd put something into my community and that I'd been ignored. But since that time, I've found one person who gives me all of the community support I used to get from an entire fandom, and now when I post something on AO3 I don't actually need a response anymore. I get all of the fun and excitement and validation etc from my conversations and RP threads with my best friend.

Once you've got a little distance from the pain of this moment, try to figure out what it is that you were hoping to get and then figure out how you can get it. Maybe it's through posting fic to AO3, but maybe it's not.

Let's see what others can suggest. This is not something you're experiencing alone, anon. So very many of your fellow fan writers have experienced this too ❤️

#asks and answers

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arlertwhore · 1 month

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pairing: paige bueckers x fem! reader

synopsis: paige shows you how that strap game is and you fall in-love.

warning (s): smut, kinda virginity loss, strap, oral, fingering, nipple sucking, penetration, kinda fluffy and kinda cute, hair pulling.

word count: 3.7k

author note: based off req again, unedited again, wrote very late at night, ty for the support once again!! MINORS DNI

Whenever Paige & you texted, on the rare occasion, it was typically

inquires on scheduling, clothes that were left behind, or silly videos you found funny enough to share with Paige, your only companion with a foolish sense of humor alike you. Your Uni Friends were far too serious to handle your actual humor, and in the groupchat, all

that would be shared amongst you guys were academically humor-ous videos. You enjoyed being able to send Paige anything, even if it had the most crass, offensive, abrasive humor behind it. That's how you saw it when you sent her what you sent her, but Paige couldn't lie, she didn't expect you to be this forward. Readying herself to reply sweetly to your Tiktok or Reel or whatever since it was a rare thing, in the midst of practice, thankfully on a break and away from her team, she had opened your texts to a picture of your Amazon cart, showing you had purchased a big strap-on dildo.

It was either she left you on opened, speechless, or expressed her truest thoughts.

Paige replied: ?

Paige replied: 70$🤨 Is this why you've been working extra-lately?

You chuckled, on your break at work, replying: caught me 😊

You bit your lip: excited p?

Later that night, she called you to follow up on the details. "You got that for me?" She was treating this entire ordeal like a kid before a talent show, nervous and wanting to perform their best. "Paige, I'm hoping you aren't seriously calling me at 3AM on a Monday to ask me why I wanna use a strap with you." you groaned, having just got done with your nightly routine and being nearly asleep when she phoned you. "You're a grinch when you're tired," Paige teased, "I'm just making sure you're not asking me to use this because I can't satisfy you or sum." If only she knew how many sleepless, stressed-from-school-and-work, horny nights you had, trying to conjure her face in your mind, replicate her finger-work to no avail. That was actually how you got the idea for the strap. While browsing on her TikTok, trying to find something hot to help you stick the image in your mind, you had seen a video of her dancing with KK, and she had done a thrust dance motion that was so incredibly smooth it made you feel butterflies. You wanted to experience it for yourself now.

"Paige!" you exclaimed, "You're so annoying, Paige, oh my gosh! Of course it's not like that, I just like fucking you and I wanna try new things. Don't you? We could take turns with it and it could be so fun and-"

"FUCK no!" Paige chortled, a chuckle escaping her lips, "I'll let you and this attitude go back to sleep, but tomorrow you're getting it fucked out of you," she declared. "Yeah, whatever, Peanut Butter," you retorted. "Mhm, and by the time I'm done with you, you'll be jelly." she quipped in a genuine attempt to flirt, and you burst out laughing. She was so cute and unintentionally funny sometimes.

You couldn't have been more grateful for Amazon-Prime Shipping and the power of sleep and your busy schedule, because before you knew it, it was the next day and you had been post-gym, post-shower, and in your towel preparing for Paige's arrival when the door had been knocked. Happy, you rushed from your bedroom out to the front door of your apartment, and you yanked it open. "Isn't this perfect, P!" you rambled as she entered, undoing her laces and kicking her shoes off. "Finished all my schoolwork at work, just got back from the gym, and just finished showering, and now you're here." Paige chuckled lightly. "Don't get too excited. Let me shower first. That game today was tough, yo, St. Jackson didn't let up."

"Yeah, whatever, Paige, just hurry up," you said at her snail-like speed, placing her backpack on the rack and stretching. You hurriedly began to undress her, eager, and her much taller frame gently and playfully pushed you away. "Get outta here," she said, smacking your butt as you teetered away, giggling, obliging.

After she had finished showering, she entered your bedroom, both of you in your towels as you presented her with her gift. "Ta-da!" you chorused, "Need a YouTube tutorial or step-by-step." you quipped, playfully.

Paige's face turned serious. "Y/N," she began, as if she had just come to an epiphany, "isn't this gonna be your first time with something this size?" You nodded, eyebrows furrowed, wondering why she would look so concerned. "So?"

"So, this might hurt... like how it would with a... you know," you guys refrained from saying the g-word. And though you hadn't seen it that way, technically, Paige was about to take your virginity on a random Monday night.

"Oh," you replied, "I mean, I'm not the kind to back down from a challenge." you tried to humorously brush it off, but Paige was still extremely serious. "No, really, are you sure? I don't mind having a chill night or something," she insisted, knowing that in reality, if you guys had a chill night just hanging out, she might fall for you even harder. Heck, to be the first person inside you—the very first—was gonna cost her even more feelings of limerence for you. You pressed your lips into a flat line. Your next words, though meant in a literal way, made Paige's heart flutter. "If not you, then who else?"

Girls, even g-words, loved Paige, and she was very popular. She had a wide variety of people ready to have something with her, and you knew that the only reason she was with you was because everybody else was too invested and demanding. This year, at uni, you had finally found an identity. You had a demanding family, who were tough when it came to your academics and all other aspects, meaning it took you a good amount of time before you felt confident about who you were, who you liked, your style—all those key parts of your identity. You getting drunk and being open about it at a party was you at your rawest, and Paige had accepted this. She had seen you in a way you weren't sure you wanted anybody else to, and weren't sure if anybody else would want to like they did for her. So really, if not her, than who?

Paige had a billion things running through her mind that she wanted to say. "I wish we were dating before doing this," could've been one, "I wish I knew so I could make this more romantic for you," could've been another. But instead, the blonde laid her hand upon your cheek, kissing you before murmuring, "Thank you for trusting me with this," nose-to-nose. You grinned. "Yeah... I-, uh, thank you for never saying no," you replied, dropping your towel.

That was usually how it went —quick. Now, after a dirty kiss, you'd get naked and let Paige take the lead, and it'd be quick, raw, and passionate, but it was just different. The kiss was. And though you tried to match the pacing, that was different too. You watched as Paige fitted it on, her back turned to you. When you got bored, you reached into your nightstand drawer and removed the lube for safety. When Paige turned back around, the strap was on perfectly, making you suspicious about this being her first time. Oddly enough, if Paige were to say she did this with another girl, you might actually cry, so you don't ask her and just open your legs instead. "How do I look?" Paige asked, pulling at her chin repeatedly before flexing her arms. "Hot," you replied truthfully, "So hot."

Her hair was still wet, sorta wavy, and her skin was glass after she'd finished moisturizing. She smelled so good too. Everytime you two were about to do this, she somehow managed to look hotter each time. "You're keeping the rest of your thoughts to yourself," she read your mind, "Praise me some more." she teased, dropping to her knees. "What do you want me to say?" you asked, sitting up on your elbows and looking down at her, the girl positioned between your legs. "All the things I could just see you thinking about me," she breathed, her long finger coming up to circle your clit gently,

"All the things I can literally feel you thinking about me." she cleverly remarked about your immediate response to the sight of her: wetness. "I was thinking..." you begun, retracing your memory, mind always hazy when her fingers were on you. "Mhm," she murmured, suctioning your clit into her mouth gently, her eyes fixed on yours to let you know she was still listening. "Fuck," you breathed out, "Fuck, Paige, don't do this to me," you whimpered desperately. "You stop, I stop," she replied, pulling back slightly. "It's not so hard, is it?" she quirked a brow, pushing a finger inside your hole, eliciting a sharp gasp from your parted lips. "Tell me what was on your mind a second ago," she demanded as she pumped her middle finger in and out of you at a slow pace, too slow for your liking.

"You're so hot, Paige," you moaned, toes curling as she rewarded your disclosure with a long lick. "You always look so good all the time," you sighed, lip quivering as her finger made contact with your g-spot, stroking it in a distinct motion that made your lip quiver. "You have the prettiest eyes. The prettiest hair. You're just so perfect, gosh," Her oral ministrations ceased momentarily as she added another finger into you, her voice teasing, "Tastes and sounds like y/n's got a crush on me." You hated her smart mouth.

And simultaneously, you loved it and it felt too fucking good. "I love how smartly you talk too—so naturally," you confessed, feeling a surge of arousal seep out of you as her fingers maintained their unhurried pace within you. "You do, baby?" she purred, her voice dripping with satisfaction. "Yeah," you moaned needily, "and I love it when you call me that." You melted into her touch, reveling in the mix of sensations coursing through your body. It was moments like these that blurred the lines between strictly pleasure and raw desire. You found pleasure in Paige's moments of dominance, relishing the sensation of being degraded. However, when she slipped up and used endearing terms, it shifted the dynamic, offering a glimpse of something beyond mere physical intimacy. In those moments, you could almost forget the boundaries of your arrangement as fuck buddies. It also dawned on you that your submission was a source of satisfaction for her, which in turn heightened your own pleasure. It was a delicate balance of power dynamics that fueled your exchange.

Paige continued her slow and sloppy assault, alternating between gentle licks and rough suckles, driving you to the edge of madness with each passing second. Paige's pace was torturously slow, but every moment felt like an eternity of bliss. She took her time, savoring every taste and sensation, making sure to explore every inch of your tight insides and throbbing clit. You moaned her name, your fingers tangling in her hair as you urged her on, wanting more of her touch, more of her tongue. Just more.

She draws back, a glistening trail of your essence adorning her chin. A connection between her and your cunt, strings of slick guide the way back into your wet pussy. With a gentle sigh, she spits lightly, a delicate touch that heightens the sensation, before tenderly reengaging, her tongue dancing with a graceful finesse amidst the delightful mess and head shaking passionately as she slurps you up. Lost in the moment, a wave of tranquility washes over you, enveloping you in the tender embrace of her touch. As her fingers explore deeper, a third joins the dance, their gentle caresses coaxing forth a symphony of pleasure.

Each movement is a whisper, a soft murmur of affection that sends shivers down your spine. With every stroke of her tongue, every tender exploration of her fingers, you feel yourself drawn closer to the brink of ecstasy. And as you teeter on the edge, your voice rises in a gentle climax, a whispered invocation of her name that echoes through the room, showcasing the intensity of your desire as she expertly continues to tongue-fuck you through your orgasm, each stroke pushing you further into the realms of euphoria. "Paige! I'm cumming, I'm cumming, I'm cumming," you cry out, and she doesn't release you, holding your thighs firmly as she acknowledges your ecstasy with a soft, "Mhm." into your pussy.

When she's satisfied — when your body stops convulsing and you lay flat back onto the bed, heaving — she climbs up your body, her lips trailing wet kisses down your neck and chest. Each kiss sends shivers down your spine, igniting a fire within you that refuses to be extinguished. As her lips reach your nipples, she sucks on the right breast, eliciting a tiny moan from you. You hold her head close, the sensation distracting you from the cold lube she squirts onto your cunt. But as the gel is applied, a lingering pain stirs within you granted by her fingers, a sharp reminder of the intrusion to come.

Despite the discomfort, you focus on her, craving the connection between you. With a raw intensity, you pull her into a kiss, the carnal desire between you palpable. "I can't wait for you to fuck me," you murmur against her lips, your voice thick with anticipation. "I know you'll do so good." You fall into another kiss, and this time, Paige takes your legs, raising them up to your sides. With practiced ease, she spreads the lube around your cunt, mixing it with your natural slick and saliva. The sight of the strap-on makes you pause, realizing its size for the first time.

Paige notices your hesitation and speaks to distract you. "You nervous?" she asks, her voice laced with concern. You glance down at the intimidating shaft, contemplating the impending pain. "How bad is that gonna hurt on a scale of 1-10?" you inquire, your voice trembling with uncertainty. Paige doesn't sugarcoat her response. "8," she admits, her hand pumping the shaft. "9," she adds, hunching over your body. "But to you, that's a 10." She knows you well, understanding your body and its limits like no one else.

But you trust her implicitly, knowing she'll guide you through this experience with care and expertise. "Give me this hand," she commands, placing your left hand onto the cock. "While I push, you'll feel it, so you know when to brace for impact, kay?" You nod, a silent agreement passing between you. She raises her right hand like she's making an oath. "I'll use this hand to play with your clit," she promises, her touch grounding you in the moment.

And if you want me to stop at any time... what's the word?" she asks, her gaze locked with yours. "Toasted cornuts," you reply without hesitation. "Toasted cornuts," she repeats, a solemn vow passing between you. With her left arm caging you in, you focus on her muscles, admiring her strength and determination. "You have such a nice body," you remark, unable to resist complimenting her.

Paige lets out a tiny whistle, her confidence bolstered by your words. "Look who's fuckin' talkin'," she quips, her thumb circling your clit with a newfound rhythm that sends waves of pleasure coursing through you. "Tell me when you're ready," she instructs, her voice soft and reassuring. You hesitate, uncertainty clouding your mind. But you trust Paige implicitly, knowing she'll support you through every step of this journey. "I..." you are, definitely, but you hesitate. Paige is like a mind reader. "What do you need. You can't be afraid to tell me what you need." You stare up at her, wondering if it'd break the barrier of casualty. But you really did trust her. And again, if not her, then who? "There's too much space between us, Paige," you confess, your voice tinged with vulnerability. "I need you closer." Her response is immediate, her lips finding yours in a searing kiss that leaves you breathless. Pressing her chest against yours, she buries her head in the crook of your neck, leaving a trail of hickeys in her wake.

She was super nervous herself — she had deliberately kept that distance, fearing the intimacy that would inevitably follow. By closing the gap between you, she was exposing herself to a vulnerability she hadn't anticipated. As she pressed her body against yours, her heart raced with uncertainty. Every touch, every kiss, threatened to break down the walls she had carefully built around herself. But she couldn't deny the pull she felt towards you, the magnetic attraction that drew her closer with each passing moment.

With her lips against yours, she tried to push aside her fears, focusing instead on the raw passion that ignited between you. In this moment, there was no room for doubt or hesitation, only the overwhelming desire to be close to you, to feel your body pressed against hers in a shared embrace of passion and longing.

"I'm ready," you gasp, your voice barely above a whisper. "Are you sure?" Paige asks, her concern evident in her eyes. "Yes, I'm sure," you reply with conviction, ready to face whatever comes next. As she begins to push forward, the intrusion feels foreign at first, but the discomfort quickly gives way to a deep, throbbing pleasure. You moan, the sensation overwhelming yet undeniably arousing.

"Hey, play with your clit," Paige instructs, her voice a soothing melody in the midst of your passion. "Feels better that way." You obey, your hand finding its way to your clit, your movements synchronized with Paige's thrusts. They start slow, almost teasingly, as if she's savoring every moment of your connection. Each movement is deliberate, calculated to elicit the maximum amount of pleasure from both of you. As she pushes forward, you feel the pressure building inside you, a delicious ache that only serves to heighten your desire.

You whimper, suddenly overwhelmed by the desire to be on your stomach. "Paige, turn me over," you plead, your voice a desperate plea for more, and with her immense strength, she effortlessly complies. The sensation floods your senses, sending a shiver of anticipation down your spine. As she positions you just as you had envisioned, memories of that electrifying encounter in the bathroom flood your mind. It's as if fate has brought you full circle, and now, here you are, experiencing the culmination of that desire.

With one hand firmly planted on your hip, Paige holds you steady as you press yourself against her, the intimacy of the moment washing over you like a wave. Your face contorts in pleasure as a guttural moan escapes your lips, the intensity of the sensation overwhelming and exhilarating all at once. "Oh, fuck, Paige," you gasp, your words a breathless declaration of pleasure. "Fuck, you feel so good." She can hardly find the words to respond, caught up in the raw passion of the moment. Her gaze meets yours, filled with awe and admiration as she marvels at your willingness to surrender to her.

"You're taking it so well, Y/N," she murmurs, her voice laced with admiration and desire. The sound of your name on her lips sends a thrill of pleasure coursing through you.

"Just for you," you whimper, your voice trembling with desire, "Just for you, P." Paige's thrusts exceed your expectations, her hips moving with a fluidity and precision that leaves you breathless. It's as if she's been trained for this moment, every movement calculated to maximize your pleasure. She wasn't lying when she said she would fuck the attitude out of you.

Using your hair to lift you up and off the bed, Paige forces your back into a proper arch, holding you in that position as she pistons her hips against yours. The sound of skin clapping against skin fills the atmosphere, punctuating each thrust with a primal rhythm that echoes the urgency of your desire.

"I'm gonna make you cum," she growls, her voice husky with need, and you can only moan in response, "Yeah, please," a plea for more, for release.

As she pounds into you relentlessly, you fumble with your clit, seeking that elusive release that hangs just beyond your grasp. And then, as her movements become more frantic and urgent, you feel it—the familiar sense of impending bliss, building and cresting within you.

With a cry of ecstasy, you finally succumb to the overwhelming pleasure, your body convulsing in ecstasy as torrents of pleasure cascade through you. It's as if the entire universe narrows down to this singular moment of pure, unadulterated bliss, enveloping you in a cocoon of rapture and leaving you breathless and utterly spent in its wake. Tears stream down your face, a testament to the intensity of the ecstasy you've just experienced as you come down from the peak, your heart still racing and your senses tingling with the aftershocks of pleasure.

As the weight of the moment settles over both of you, there's a palpable shift in the air. Paige withdraws from you, her movements mirroring your own sense of vulnerability and realization. For a moment, the silence between you is heavy with unspoken thoughts and emotions.

Then, with a tenderness that belies her usual confidence, Paige turns you over, her gaze soft yet intense as she meets your eyes. In that moment, you can see the depth of her feelings reflected back at you, a mixture of awe, tenderness, and a hint of uncertainty.

Without a word, Paige enfolds you in her arms, pulling you close against her chest. It's a gesture that speaks volumes, conveying more than words ever could. In her embrace, you find solace, reassurance, and a sense of belonging that fills the empty spaces within you.

As you rest against her, feeling the steady rhythm of her heartbeat beneath your ear, you realize that this is just the beginning of your journey together. You guys have started something beyond what this was supposed to be.

love is in the air? leave comments guys tell me what you think about this.. chapter? part? Where do you think the relationship is going and where do you want it to go? Inbox is open! masterlist here

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