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justreadingfics · 4 years

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It’s a Deal (Chapter 4)

Chapter Summary: You have a challenge for Bucky.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 5.1k

Warnings:+18 only, smut, masturbation, boytoy!Bucky, casual sex, open relationship, unrealistic sexual performance, the tiniest bit of angst related to past relationships.

A/N: Next chapters we’ll move forward with the plot and it will be less smut centric, maybe… I can’t promise anything, actually, lol. I dedicate this chapter to @suz-123, who’s a Rockstar and to @tilltheendwilliwrite who once wrote chapter 10 of Canadian Girl (if you haven’t read it, yet, I don’t know what you’re doing with your life) and this chapter is heavily inspired on a certain aspect of it, with a small twist. The link to my masterlist, where you can find the other chapters, is on my description. Feedback is highly appreciated. Tag list for this story is closed.

The sight meeting your gaze as soon as you step out of your bathroom is one to behold. There is the man himself, laying sprawled and careless across your bed, unashamedly naked while nonchalantly scrolling through his phone, like he hasn’t just now done unspeakable things to you right there.

You take in a contented sigh. How lucky are you to have found a fuck buddy like Bucky? Incredibly hot and handsome, with all those uncountable muscles on his whole body and the most gorgeous face you’ve ever seen. He’s breathtaking to look at and to feel in each sensitive part of your body.

But it’s not just that, that you’re lucky for. His damn personality… So uncomplicated, laid back, straightforwardly honest and, even in all his blatant whoriness, more considerate towards women than any man you’ve ever known, Eddie included. You know about his tragic backstory and you can only wonder the path he had to take to get where he is now.

Apart from the amazing fuck, it’s been so fun to get to spend time with him and get to know the way he thinks, his life philosophy. You’ve found out that relationships don’t have to be complicated, that you don’t need to love or date someone to have a nice time together and that fun and respect can walk hand in hand. Also, something you didn’t know about yourself: that you can be fun and laid back, too.

You can tell Bucky enjoys spending time with you as much as you do with him, you know he’s not faking. The only reason he would have to fake in that situation would be to get you in his bed and he wouldn’t have to, since you got into that deal just exactly for that. Also, he’s too transparent, he has been from the beginning. And with him, you’ve become a fun person in these last few days… or maybe that’s who you were all along and just didn’t know.

“Enjoying the view, sweetheart?”

In your gawking, you haven’t noticed his cell phone now laying forgotten on the mattress beside him as he tilts his body to the side, facing you, and supports his head on his hand, with that signature smirk of his, completely unbothered by how exposed he is.

In fact, so are you, as you smile and walk back to your bed in all your nakedness, “And what a damn view,” you cheekily say, laying in front of him and mimicking his position. You can’t help but reach over and trace your fingers over the hard muscles of his flesh arm and ripped chest, “I’ve never seen so many muscles gathered in only one person,” you add, completely serious with your admiration.

He chuckles, “Well, that thing they injected in me helped a lot.”

You don’t have to ask who they are. Every once in a while he mentions his past but it’s always quick and with no sign of heaviness. It does feel like you’ve met him in a new and brighter stage of his life. Your eyes, which have been following the path traced by your fingers, drop to his lower body. Like it usually happens right after you had sex or between the sexy sessions, he’s not as hard as you know he can get, but he’s definitely not completely soft. You’ve been nurturing that curiosity for a while and now you see the opening to bring it up.

“You know, I’ve been wondering,” you start, a little timid and avoiding his eyes, “Did the serum help with… ahm, other things, too?” You glance at him before letting your eyes drop to that particular part of his body, hoping you’ve made yourself clear.

“What do you mean?”

When you look back at him the confusion on his face is poorly feigned and you know he’s messing with you.

“You just want me to say it, don’t you?” You squint your eyes, pulling back your wandering hands from his beefy body, and when he only keeps the faked expression on his face and shrugs, you decide to play along and blurt out, punctuating each word, “Your cock, your fucking marvelous and precious huge cock, Bucky. That’s what I mean.”

You can’t help but grin widely as he lets out a belly laugh, his head falling backwards on the mattress before he comes back to the position on his side facing you with a satisfied and teasing smile on him.

“I’ll tell you what, it didn’t mess up with the size, sweetheart. That’s all good old human biology there, no evil super juice needed.” He bites his lower lip and winks, making you roll your eyes playfully, “But, like you know, I’m always honest and I’m not gonna lie to you. It did pump me up with the…” he pouts and squeezes his eyes, as if looking for the right word, “Performance,” he adds, satisfied with his choice.

“How so?” You cock an eyebrow, very interested in the information.

“It basically raised my levels of stamina way higher. I’m always ready to go,” he says like it’s no big deal, “As long as I have motivation, of course. Like such a pretty dame like you,” He gestures towards your naked body with a reverence and winks, prompting a heat to rush up to your cheeks at the old fashioned but still efficient term, which sounds surprisingly sexy coming out of his lips as he says it so naturally while you both lay stark-naked next to each other.

“Oh…” it slips out of your lips before your forehead creases, “Hold on…You’re telling me that as long as I… ahm… motivate you, or something, you can keep it up, no matter how many times?”

That teasing smugness etches on his face again as he tightens and twists his lips, “Pretty much, yeah,” he answers, bringing a hand to stroke the curve of your hips.

“Huh,” you let out in a puffed breath as you come to your conclusion, “You’re practically a human dildo.” Your eyes widen as soon as you realize what you just said, “Sorry,” you cringe.

“No offense taken at all,” he chuckles, the corner of his eyes crinkling in that way you find adorably sexy, “I’m actually flattered…” he adds before boring a suspicious gaze into you yours, “I see something glimmering in your eyes, though.”

You bite your lower lip. The mere thought and the teasing hand on your body are enough to rouse your senses and make your entire skin prickle, “Just an idea that crossed my mind,” you answer, voice a little trembling with equal parts of horniness and nervousness in presenting said idea.

“Ooooo… this sounds exciting. Tell me,” he encourages, putting a bit more pressure on where his hand touches your skin and dragging his body closer to yours.

“Well…” Your gaze comes across his mouth now that is so closed to yours as you bring your eyes down to follow your fingers dancing over his chest again, brushing over the little whiskers of hair there, “Since we know you can keep it up… ahm…indefinitely,” Your fingers skim lower and lower and his breath hovers yours as a humming sound for you to continue not only touching but talking slips out of his lungs, “It would be interesting to find out how much I can take it, don’t you think?” You lift innocent eyes to his from under your eyelashes.

A groan rumbles from his chest as his fingers dig into the skin of your hips, with the certainty of leaving marks, “Let me see if I got it straight… You wanna find out how many times you can orgasm in one night?” Like usual, he speaks more directly than you, the lust dark in his gaze.

“I’m pretty curious… aren’t you?” Your hand wanders down the muscles of his body and follows the path of little hairs, which gets thicker and thicker till you reach his now fully rigid cock.

He brushes his parted lips over yours and lets out a deep exhale as you wrap your fingers around his dick. He’s hard as a rock and twitches in your hand, you’re still amazed that it has reached that point again just by the teasing exchange and little touches.

“Oh yeah, you’re very, very curious, too, I see,” you tease him again, slowly pumping him with your fist.

“That I am… that I am,” he whispers, his hot and heavy breath hovering yours as his hips ever so lightly starts rocking against your hand. “But, tell me,” he asks putting on some seriousness on his voice, “Would this very obliging sex toy over here be allowed to use not only my fucking marvelous and precious huge cock,” he repeats your words using the same tone as yours, “But also other equally skilled parts of my body, like tongue,” he darts his tongue to lightly lick your upper lip, but quickly retrieves it back to continue speaking, tickling your skin with the tip of his fingers as he drags them from your hips towards your lower belly, “Fingers-”

You suck in a whine, already too turned on to prolong the teasing, “Now it’s definitely not the time to start with rules- ah-” Apparently you aren’t the only one ready to get into the real action as he bats your hand away and swiftly shifts on the bed, rolling over you and between your legs.

When he reaches over the nightstand right next to you, where he already knows is your stash of condoms, you stop him with a hand on his forearm. He looks down at you questioningly as he hovers you supporting himself with his arms on the mattress.

“You told me before you can’t get sick due the serum. It means you wouldn’t pass me anything, either, right?” You ask, somehow managing to regulate your breathing.

“Yeah, that’s right.” He nods.

“I’m on birth control since forever,” you add, heavily implying what you want from him.

“Are you sure?” He checks, “I really don’t mind-“

“I wanna fucking feel it. All of it.” You reach between you two and wrap your hand around his bare cock.

“Fuck…” His eyes flutter shut at your touch before snapping open at you, filled with renewed hunger, “You’re in for a ride, sweetheart,” he breathes before grabbing your lips withs his.

Number four – because he had already graced you with the first three, moments before - happens right there when he pulls your legs up and bend them backwards till your knees straddle your face and takes you hard and raw, because neither of you can wait. Number five he flips you over and keeps you completely still under him, almost crushing you with his delicious weight, having his chest glued to your back as he shoves his hips into yours.

Six and seven happen in a row when he eats you out while you sit on the countertop of your kitchen, after a quick snack and water to regain your forces. Eight, he pounds into you from behind as you grab with sheer force the edges of said countertop…

You have no idea how many hours pass. It happens on your bed, in the kitchen, balcony, table, chairs. In the living room, sofa, carpet, floor, over your desk in your small office… The filthy smells filling up the air of your home along with naughty fluids left on your way. You don’t even dare to think about the cleaning you’ll have to do the next day. Your mind is completely blanked by the constancy of pleasure and sensitivity your body has been sunk into. His cock, lips, tongue, fingers, thigh, hot skin… all of him devoted to you, to your desire, as his body merges into yours turning you into a blur of bliss.

When you become just a sack of numb limbs and dizziness, he scoops you up from the living room carpet and rests you on your bed, bringing you water right before laying behind you, forming a breathless spoon on the mattress. He might be thinking you’re finally done, but if that’s the case, he’s miscalculating the effect the heat of his body against yours has on you. So, after you roll your hips against his cock – which hardens almost immediately- he lifts your leg and eases himself inside your poor, but still somehow ready and eager, cunt. Knowing how overstimulated you are, he reaches over you and just ever so lightly brushes a finger over your clit. That’s how you reach the 24th orgasm of the night and, at last, throw the towel.

“That was… something,” you say when you’re in the shower with him after a deserved, but quick nap, still in your sticky and fervent skins. When you announced you needed a shower, he joined you promptly, “I thought I would reach 15, 16 at most. I’m pretty impressed with you.”

He clicks his tongue, while pouring some of your shampoo on his hand, “Nah… you’re just underestimating you, sweetheart.” He puts the shampoo on his hair and brushes the locks with his fingers, “I, on the other hand, know exactly what kind of insatiable minx you are,” he says right before sinking his head under the shower to rinse his hair.

Under the water he doesn’t see your jaw dropping and your outraged gasp, but he certainly feels the little shove on his chest to express your protests, because he takes his head out of the water and brushes the water out of his face with his hand, “What?”

“Fucking rude,” you answer, already laughing quietly, while using the sponge to leather your body.

“Ok, I could’ve used better words, but I didn’t mean it like that,” he says, “But I get it. It’s been almost 80 years and somethings haven’t changed that much.” He twists his lips, reaching over for the hair conditioning, “I know women grow up listening to this fucking culture who teach men and women that enjoying sex is a guy thing… and when a woman shows the opposite she’s judged, which is stupid. The issue is pure fucked up sociology rather than biology. A man needs a damn super serum to reach that many orgasms in one night while all women need is their own body and will. It’s lame what society can do when it comes to repressing women.” He shrugs.

Once again your jaw drops, but for an entirely different reason, and for a while you just watch him, dumbfounded, while he hums a tune, applying conditioner on his long locks and dives his head on the running water again, like he hasn’t just now slapped your face with a damn feminist discourse about female sexuality, “That’s… true…” You have no choice but to agree.

“Of course it is…” he smirks proudly, before squinting his eyes at you while you wash out the soap of your body, “And you know what? I bet you have one more there waiting for me,” he lifts his chin, like he’s challenging you, as water drips from his face and hair.

Your eyes widen for a second at the implications of said challenge, “I can’t.” You’re quick to shake your head. You have no idea how you’re managing to stand there, since every little muscle of your body is sore.

“Actually, I bet you have one more there waiting for you… Wanna see?” He cocks an eyebrow.

“Shit, Bucky, I don’t think I can handle you one more time,” you reply, honestly. As tempting as the idea sounds, you can’t even think about taking him again.

“Don’t worry… I won’t be doing anything.” His voice lowers a tone, as he walks you back towards the shower seat Eddie was so adamant in adding to the bathroom.

Looking down, you’re not surprised at all to see his cock already hardening and you would be lying to yourself if you don’t feel a little tingle in your belly. As soon as you’re seated, he props his metal arm on the wall above your head and wraps his flesh hand on his cock, which is inches from you, bumping it a few times till it’s quickly fully hard.

“Tonight was an interesting experience for me, too,” his voice, laced with silk and mischief, props your gaze to lift to his. As he stares down at you and his hand jerks on his cock, locks of wet hair fall on his face and droplets run down his naked body.

It’s only instinct when your tongue darts out to lick your lips. You can’t believe you’re already getting turned on after everything you’ve already done, “Yeah, how so?” You encourage him in whatever treat he has planned for you.

“Hmmm,” his eyes flutter shut for a second as he swipes his thumb over the rosy tip, keeping a slow pace on himself, “Getting to know your body even more… the little places I touch and your whole body trembles, yeah… open up for me, that’s it, that damn pussy of yours,” he coos when you prop one heel over the bench beside you, letting the other on the floor and allowing your fingers to dance over your breasts and skim down your wet body.

“What else…ha,” you gasp when your exploring fingers reach your clit. It’s still sensitive from the previous actions, but it doesn’t reject your touch as the water from the shower mixes up with your natural wetness. It’s not hard to feel your arousal rising again in your body, not when you have that obscene sight of him touching himself inches from you and that dirty mouth saying all the things he likes about having sex with you. Your body responds to the sensuous scenario instantly.

“I lose my mind at how that pussy squeezes my cock when I talk dirty to you… These fucking tits of yours,” he groans and you can see his cock twitching.

Your hand on yourself speeds up in rhythm with his, but it remains a light touch on your clit, the kind of touch your body is asking for right now, but it feels good, so damn good, like a feather tickling the sensitive nub. Your eyes are stuck on his as much as his is stuck on yours. You feel like the sexiest woman alive under his gaze and fuck if you’re not gonna reach your 25th orgasm of the night soon.

“I wanna have my cock between them one day, would you do that for me, beautiful, fuck my cock with your perfect tits?” He continues his verbal fucking, biting his lip till the blood rushes out of his skin, “Fucking you is an experience I can’t seem to get enough, sweetie, what about you, huh? Tell me what you like about fucking me.”

So many things… “I-I like your fucking big cock,” you say before letting out a small laugh, “Obviously,” you wiggle your eyebrows making him laugh briefly with you, before you look down at where he’s jerking himself. You have no idea how you’re managing to talk like that, you’ve never been that verbal when it comes to sex, but with him… it’s different. “It’s so damn thick…” You lick your lips, breathing hard as the feather touch in your clit sparks laces of pleasure inside you. Looking up at him, you see him clenching his teeth, hooded eyes still on you, “I like when you’re rough to me, when you throw me around like I weigh nothing, you’re so fucking strong, ah.” Your head falls back as you’re almost there… “I like that you know exactly what gives me pleasure, even before I know it myself…”

“Fuck, you’re damn sexy…” he breathes out and you can tell he’s holding himself back, probably waiting for you to finish before he does, “What about that ass of mine, huh?” The playfulness comes back to his voice between harsh panting.

You chuckle, “I fucking love grabbing it while you’re pounding your dick inside me and… oh, God… that fucking filthy mouth… Especially when it’s all over me.” Your toes curl as the pressure inside your core tightens, driving yourself closer and closer to the edge, the words come out of your lips like they have a mind of their own, connected solely to your desire, “I love how you love eating me out, oh, goddamn, fuck…” Your eyes shut and your body shakes as you close your legs around your hand, reaching an orgasm for 25th time that night, this time by your own hand. And is just as good and powerful as the others he has given you.

“Shit,” his voice falters and as you still struggle to breathe you look up at him, “Can I come on those tits, sweetheart?” He nods towards your body, his voice coming out tight from between his teeth.

“Fuck yeah,” You nod, arching your back and exposing your breasts even more to him.

“Holy shit,” he moans as, after a few more expert bumps, he spills his climax all over your chest, “Fuck,” he keeps his metal hand on the wall as he stares down apparently in a spell, admiring his handiwork, before grabbing your arm and making you stand, pulling you to him and grabbing your breathless lips in a kiss.

Your chest is tight against his and the thought of the mess between you two makes you moan through his kiss. He’s the one who pulls back with that signature smugness all over his face.

Your eyes roll playfully, “Yeah, I know… You told me so…”

~~~

After you finish the shower for real this time, you’re drying yourself with a towel while Bucky, already with his black boxes on, uses one of your combs to work on his hair in front of the mirror in your bathroom. He huffs in frustration as the long locks don’t seem to stay in the style he’s looking for.

The sound of your quiet laugh makes him glance towards you. He smiles tightly and shrugs, a whole new sheepish expression on his face, “I’ve been meaning to cut it, but… I don’t know… other stuff keeps getting in the way,” he shrugs again, turning back to the mirror.

“I like it that way, it suits you pretty well, but if you’d liked I could cut it for you?” you offer, lacing your towel with a knot around your body.

“Really?” He tilts his head while something like amused skepticism etches on his face.

“Yeah, sure, I have all the tools here now if that’s something you want.”

He looks at himself in the mirror, taking a good look at his locks before turning back to you, “Let’s do this.”

Next thing you know you have Bucky still only in his boxes sitting on a chair he carried to your bathroom while you’re on an old t-shirt, displaying the set of shears, combs and trimmer over the countertop.

Wrapping a towel around his shoulders, you look at his reflection on the mirror, “So, are we just cutting the ends or are you going overboard here?”

“Overboard,” he answers right away and you smile at the trust he lays on you, “But leave something to grab. You all seem to love that.” The corner of his lips twists.

You laugh, reaching for the shear, “We all love it indeed,” you agree and run your hands over his locks, analyzing what you’re dealing with, “Trust me, I know exactly what to do.” You wink at him through the mirror and get on to work.

“Haircuts, huh?” he asks as the little strands of hair fall over the towel and the floor, “Quite an arsenal you have here.” He nods at your tools in front of him.

“Yeah,” you don’t move the focus from your working hands to answer, “I used to cut Eddie’s. We’ve been on a low budget for years so we could buy this place.” You give him a brief tight-lip glance.

“Very nice place, by the way.”

“It is, isn’t it?” You beam at him before focusing back on his hair, “But it’s a bit strange, actually. When we found it and moved in, I thought I would spend the rest of my life here with him… And now…” you sigh.

“Now we’re ruining your furniture,” he beams when you look at him.

You can’t help chuckle and agree, “Pretty much, yeah.”

“Are you keeping it?”

Your lips tightens as you look down at your working hands… You haven’t really thought of it straight and you’re sure that not thinking about it means you still had some hope to resume your life from where it had stopped when Eddie broke up with you. But, now that you’re talking about it, the answer feels right when it rolls off your tongue, “I want to. I love this place…with my promotion and the money that comes with it, I think I could make it happen, but… I still need to work things out with Eddie, though.”

“You haven’t talked to him yet.” Bucky affirms rather than ask. All along, even when you’re not looking at him at times, you can feel Bucky’s gaze not leaving your reflection in the mirror as his hair goes through a transformation by your hands.

“No.” You shake your head and decide to share with him an idea that has been wandering in your mind lately, “Stark mentioned a party to celebrate my promotion-“

“Of course…” He adds.

“Yeah…” You laugh, before clearing your throat, “I was thinking about calling Eddie, letting him know I was promoted… I mean… we went to collage together and went through our careers together…” You look back at him through the mirror, “I think he’ll be happy to know from me and maybe even go to the party to celebrate. Also, we’ll be working a lot with each other again since he’s the leader of Shield’s team.”

“Were you still together when he got his promotion?” He asks, genuine interest in his voice.

You shake your head no, “It was right after he broke up with me.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?”

“I don’t know, actually, “ you answer, going back on working with the shears, finding a bit funny how he’s been fucking you senseless and exploring every little inch of your body these last few days and still is careful in asking a personal question, “I noticed he was distant a few weeks before, but I brushed it off.” You shrug, “We’d been together for so long and we had our ups and downs… I just thought we were going through one of our downs. And then he woke up one day and said he didn’t want to be together anymore… Natasha thinks he has someone else,” you say, with a small and humorless laugh as you turn on the blow drier and positions it over his hair.

He tightens his lips through the reflection. Yeah… he thinks the same.

You’re glad for the sound of the drier as silence settles between you two. It’s not awkward or anything like that… you’re just glad for the silence so you can evaluate how the possibility of Eddie having someone affects you. It’s fucked up to admit even to yourself, but it sucks. It’s not like you’re crying alone right now, but it’s different. There’s nothing romantic with Bucky and, honestly, you feel like shit picturing Eddie, your boyfriend of ten years, in a relationship with someone else.

“Did he call you to let you know once he was promoted?” Bucky asks as soon as you turn off the drier.

“He didn’t. I sent him a text when I found out, he didn’t answer,” You bite your cheek, as your shoulders drop and you slowly comb his hair.

“It sucks, huh?” He twists his lips as you meet his eyes through the mirror. They’re full of kindness and understanding, and you’re glad he doesn’t make you feel more embarrassed than you naturally are in sharing that with him.

“We had just split, though… now it’s been months… things should be a little less weird… and voi lá.” Thankfully for your embarrassment, you finish his hair right then, an opportunity to change the subject.

He takes his eyes from you to his reflection on the mirror and you bite your lip waiting for his reaction, since it feels like it’s the first time he’s paying attention to himself ever since you started cutting his hair. Like he asked, you went overboard and cut it a lot shorter than before, letting a fluffy quaff on the top. As much as you loved the long locks, you think he looks more handsome than ever, like a movie star.

“Oh, wow”, he lets out in a jovial voice, running his hand over his soft and shorter locks, “It’s awesome.”

“Really?” you smile, letting out a relief breath, “See?” You grab the fluffiness on top of his head and smirk, “Perfect to grab.”

He laughs, “I really like it, I don’t look homeless anymore. Thank you.” He nods.

“You’re welcome, but wait, there are still some final touches before we’re really finished.” You grab the trimmer, and turn it on to work on the outlines behind his neck.

“Alright, ma’am.” He promptly straightens up his posture as you go back to work, “So, is it important for you that he knows?”

He resumes from where you had stopped and doesn’t have to clarify who and what he’s talking about. “It’s important for me that he goes,” you admit with a sigh, turning off the trimmer and looking at him through the mirror. You run your hands once again through his soft and new hair, before grabbing a little brush, “It feels weird to not share this with him,” you mutter, using the tool to meticulously brush off the remains of hair on his neck and shoulders.

“Ok, then you should call him, why not?” He shrugs, “It’s been ten years, you just don’t erase that.”

A small, but thankful, smile curls your lips. You could expect being scolded for admitting something like that. Not from Bucky, apparently. And his support is really significant at that moment, much more than any lecture one of your friends would give you about the troubles of calling an ex-boyfriend who broke up with you.

“But just so you know,” he continues, shutting his eyes for a second and letting out a long exhale, “It may be just me, but I don’t think a man who doesn’t like to eat pussy deserves any kind of consideration.”

You laugh, letting your head fall back, before shaking it in lighthearted disbelief.

Bucky smiles and, if the fact that he makes you laugh with his stupid jokes lights up a warm and mysterious sensation in his chest, he thinks nothing of it, concentrating only on the touch of your gentle fingers grazing the skin of his neck while you go back to cleaning the little hairs off him.

~~~

Next chapter (from Bucky’s pov) coming soon.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes smut #smut #it's a deal

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axemetaphor · 3 years

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im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

#jdate #john dies at the end #aus #erh. tthe hell do i tag this as #rambles.txt #long post #well let me know if youd wanna hear more or. or something #send an ask. or whatever #yaknow #:jazz hands:

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horde-princess · 4 years

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A Meta on Catra’s Relationships with DT, Scorpia, and Adora

I’m so excited to write this finally ljsdflkj okay so. I’ve been thinking about why the creators would choose to center a whole season around this new character Double Trouble. They drove the plot and played a major role in a really important part of the story, Catra’s redemption. So I wanna think more about the purpose of this character and go deeper into a couple of their scenes with Catra.

tbh Catra and DT’s very first interaction says it all: DT literally takes the form of Scorpia and tells Catra “I’m about to become your new best friend.” As the season goes on, Double Trouble replaces Scorpia as a sort of artificial confidant for Catra. But it blows up in her face and the purpose of the whole thing is to shed light on Catra’s main internal conflict: her desire for love vs. her fear of heartbreak/vulnerability.

In other words, I believe Double Trouble was introduced as a foil to Scorpia. But if we think about how Scorpia is also a foil to Adora, then that means DT is like... a foil to a foil. So they’re not directly associated with Adora but a lot of what they do relates back to her. Yeah there are a lot of layers here lmao but basically what I’m gonna analyze is how Catra’s relationships with these three characters intertwine and build off each other in season 4 to set the stage for Catra’s redemption (and catradora endgame hollaaa)

So in the beginning, Catra and DT both understand their relationship to be a business arrangement. When does that start to change for Catra, and why?

Catra’s History With Betrayal

Just think about Catra’s relationships at the start of s4.. After the portal, Adora had basically severed whatever was left of their relationship, and that was shown to be weighing on Catra all season. Scorpia and Entrapta were the only other people she cared about, but Entrapta betrayed her (first by monopolizing Hordak’s attention then by refusing to open the portal), then Scorpia dared to question her decision to send their friend to die and her presence became a constant reminder of Catra’s guilt. In fact, the mere mention of Entrapta’s name in 4x03 causes Catra to snap and yell at Scorpia “we are not friends!” ... which of course isn’t true. Catra may think Scorpia’s annoying but she confided in her, her loyalty made Catra feel like she could trust her.. and that’s exactly why Catra always tried so hard to push her away. All the betrayals in her life scarred her so deeply that she wanted to avoid emotional intimacy at all costs. I’m about to get Jungian up in this shit bc we see a deep disconnect between Catra’s outward actions (her conscious) and her inner desires (subconscious) this season and it’s this i believe that leads to her breakdown in 4x10. It’s an unsustainable way to live.

Why Catra Trusted Double Trouble

So by 4x04, Catra had sabotaged her only two relationships. She was utterly alone, and vulnerable, and Double Trouble was in the right place at the right time offering their loyalty to her.. so Catra did what any emotionally stable person would do and subconsciously used a hired mercenary to try and fill the growing void in her heart. I don’t think Catra actually cared about DT much at all, like sure they got along and that matters on some level, but I think it’s more that Catra was in a vulnerable place and DT was the only one around.

So why does Catra trust Double Trouble when she won’t let herself trust anyone else? I’ve seen some posts saying it’s because Catra is self-destructive--i.e. she only seeks love from people who won’t give it to her because she doesn’t believe she deserves love--which is super true.. but I think her motivations can be better explained by saying that Catra knew from the start that Double Trouble didn’t really care about her, and that’s why the partnership was attractive to her (at first). She thought it would be safe--no vulnerability, no risk of heartbreak. But the truth is Catra’s just not as disaffected as she wishes she was.

The moment Catra really let her guard down was when Double Trouble saved her from the collapsing building in 4x04.

can we just!! talk about this scene!!!! the way her voice shakes when she says “saving me” just, oh my god... like what a touchy subject for her, right? Shes spent her whole life resenting how Adora was always trying to “save” her from everything. I’m not sure but I think White Out (2x05) was the only other time Catra thanked someone for saving her life, and she just says “thanks for getting us out of there.” So her use of the word “save” here is special and it illustrates how deeply vulnerable Catra feels this season, and more importantly it’s a sign of character development! It’s no coincidence that the theme of saving is connected between DT, Scorpia, and Adora. It’s leading up to Catra learning to replace her resentment towards Adora with something closer to gratitude.

But while the scene connects these relationships, it also highlights their differences. After Catra displays an astounding amount of vulnerability with DT, they coolly reply “well, I live to serve... for a price, of course.”

This right here is the first step of Catra’s breakdown. Suppressed desires making themselves known, one half of her heart rebelling against the other. She was pushing away her real friends and finding hollow companionship with someone she thought she wouldn’t get attached to, but it happened anyway.

The difference between Double Trouble and Scorpia must have become glaringly obvious to Catra in that moment. Whereas Scorpia was loyal to Catra out of love, DT was mostly interested in getting paid. And she was surprised by how much that hurt. She fucking hated how much it hurt, you can see it written all over her face. It’s why she fails Scorpia’s little test in 4x06. Because of Double Trouble, Catra’s true desires were threatening to break free, so outwardly she fights against it and acts more resistant than ever to being friends with Scorpia. She castigates her, calls her annoying and incompetent, harsher than we’ve ever seen... but she didn’t expect Scorpia to hit back (we did, tho. Scorpia’s an icon).

In four words Scorpia teaches Catra a hard lesson about what it means to earn someone’s loyalty. She knew she must’ve really fucked up if she somehow managed to push away the most loyal person in all of Etheria. And again the fake nature of Catra’s relationship with Double Trouble provides a reference for her to see why Scorpia’s loyalty, based in love, was so valuable, and why she shouldn’t have taken it for granted. It also relates to Adora because, similar to Scorpia, Adora had been trying so hard these past 3 seasons to connect with Catra, but she refused to forgive her and her behavior eventually forced Adora to cut ties. So Scorpia calling her out pushes Catra towards accepting some personal responsibility for everything that happened with Adora, too. Man there are just.. a ton of implications here.

Then Catra gives Hordak a fun pep talk but really it’s just her self-projecting all over him:

At this point her hateful actions and her goal to conquer Etheria are extremely out of line with her true desires and we can see it’s really affecting her mental state. It wasn’t just one thing or person that caused her breakdown, it was a combination of Adora severing their relationship, and Scorpia’s disappointment in her, and Double Trouble’s indifference towards her. All three of these situations were playing off each other and chipping away at Catra’s carefully crafted armor, revealing a desire to be loved hidden underneath... which she continued to fight against for as long as she could. Adora and Scorpia were playing their roles in helping Catra learn to take responsibility for her life, but those relationships wouldn’t have been so effective had it not been for how they were contrasted with Double Trouble’s indifference. Anyway have I mentioned how amazing and complex this show is????

Catra Loses DT and Scorpia Around the Same Time

4x07 is the last time Catra talks to Double Trouble before they get captured by the rebels. Coincidentally, Catra realizes that Scorpia left her just one episode later, which once again points to a connection between these two characters. From 4x08 to 4x11 Catra is completely alone, feeling like she has lost everyone in her life. It sets the stage for her meltdown in 4x10. But my fave part about Scorpia leaving is how it changes the way Catra thinks about betrayal.

Even if Scorpia didn’t tell Catra where she was going in the note she left, Catra had to have assumed she was leaving to join the Rebellion because where else would she have gone right? So the two people Catra loves most have now BOTH abandoned her to join the rebellion. I don’t even wanna think about how triggering that betrayal must have been for Catra.. I don’t wanna think about how the next time Catra sees Scorpia she’s going to be a full blown princess with powers and everything, just like what happened with Adora.

But there’s a key difference between Adora and Scorpia. Catra knows at this point that Adora didn’t want to leave her behind, but she did anyway to pursue some destiny that Catra wasn’t a part of, which left her feeling betrayed. Scorpia, on the other hand--the very definition of ‘loyalty’--left her specifically because Catra pushed her away. Her fear of vulnerability manifested as anger towards someone she refused to admit that she cared about, and it pushed her away.

Once again I think Scorpia is teaching Catra a lesson about taking responsibility for some of the shit in her life. It’s a privilege that Adora lost after being careless with Catra’s trust, and thus Scorpia was the only one in a position to reach Catra and help her. But I think that the things Catra learned from Scorpia are going to play back into her relationship with Adora and allow them to reconcile (when Adora deals with her own issues too).

We can also say a little about how Double Trouble’s betrayal contrasts with Scorpia’s and Adora’s. I think their complete emotional detachment is the perfect frame of reference for Catra to be able to acknowledge that even though Scorpia and Adora left her, they DID love her, and they never stopped trying to reach out to her--at least, not until Catra crossed a line with both of them. At some point, Catra went from being justified in her feelings of betrayal to overdoing it, placing too much blame where it didn’t belong and closing the door to forgiveness. So I think that’s the role that Double Trouble played there, helping Catra see that difference. Like even if someone leaves you, hurts you, it doesn’t always mean they don’t love you. Relationships take work and understanding and forgiveness and you have to learn how to handle that or you’ll always be alone. Scorpia’s the pure embodiment of that lesson, and she’s lighting the way for Catra to navigate the much more nebulous waters of her grudge against Adora.

Double Trouble’s Betrayal

So now Catra is feeling abandoned by Scorpia and Double Trouble (her only friends) and we see the disconnect between what’s in her heart and the front she’s been putting on come to a head in 4x10 when she has that meltdown. She’s kind of losing it because her fear and heartbreak are driving her down a path that she doesn’t actually want. It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion. In 4x12 she continues to hold on desperately to the idea that beating Adora will make her happy, because at this point she doesn’t see any way to turn the car around.

There’s an absolutely fantastic scene early in 4x12 that sets up Double Trouble’s betrayal beautifully, like really it’s a masterpiece. Catra’s childhood friends walk in on her in the locker room and they’re laughing and joking around and for a second it’s like... Catra longs to be a part of that again.. To have friends, to be happy. But then Kyle accidentally kicks one of Scorpia’s old doodles (a painful reminder that she’s gone) and Catra freaks out and attacks them. Kyle’s like “we used to be friends, why are you treating us like this?” So she lets them leave, feeling alone and miserable, and THAT’S when Double Trouble waltzes in... having had just made a deal with Glimmer to double cross Catra.

God it hurts so much. The contrast between her pushing away Scorpia and her real friends, and then her childlike relief upon seeing the person who just sold her out.

This scene gives me fucking chills with the nightmare-ish music and everything.. It’s like, at this point DT is just fucking with her, they’ve already got Catra figured out. This face touch is so cruel and fits with the show’s motif of manipulative affection, too. For me it felt very disconcerting to see Catra like this... unaware that she’s been defeated yet she’s so emotionally vulnerable here, she’s like putty in Double Trouble’s hands. Scorpia leaving cracked her open and, as they’re the last person left standing with Catra’s trust, Double Trouble’s in the perfect position to come in and break her.

So the next episode 4x13 has that crazy scene where Double Trouble totally obliterates Catra and I’m not even gonna talk about it lmao because yall have already done a great job analyzing it. But I do wanna draw attention to the fact that this is the only thing she says in this whole scene:

Can you believe that’s what mattered the most to her in that moment? Not that literally everything she had been working for for the past 4 seasons had just turned to dust before her eyes, but the fact that this random mercenary she hired betrayed her. And there was no anger at all, just... heartbreak.

And then look at what she says to Glimmer afterwards (setting aside the fact that Catra is basically giving up on life...) she says nothing about the war, nothing about winning or revenge. The only thing she’s thinking about is how lonely she feels.

So by the end of Season 4, I think Catra did finally figure out what she truly wanted in life. She didn’t want to be on top just for power’s sake, she wanted people to respect her, to love her, so that no one could hurt her anymore. But she was so obsessed with winning that she ended up losing everyone’s respect. Wow haha if only she could get a second chance to earn it back the right way.... like say if, idk, she was trapped in space jail and forced to team up with her sworn enemy to survive and they came out best friends or something <:)

To sum up, Double Trouble’s role in Season 4 was to break Catra’s mask and force her to consider what she truly wants. I think their betrayal taught Catra to really appreciate what a terrible mistake she made in pushing Scorpia and Adora away. It taught her the difference between someone leaving her because they don’t care about her, and someone cutting ties with her even though they do care for her very deeply, they just couldn’t take Catra treating them like crap anymore. It showed her that what Adora did was nothing like what DT did. That’s what a betrayal feels like when the person doesn’t care about you. Someone who doesn’t care about you isn’t going to beg for your forgiveness for 3 seasons and risk being obliterated from existence just to get you back.

But the real beauty of season 4 was how Catra hitting rock bottom had almost nothing to do with Adora. With the help of other friends Catra has begun to find her own reasons to change, she’s acknowledging her guilt and heartbreak and discovering the person she wants to become. She’s learning to take responsibility instead of just blaming other people. And this character development had nothing to do with romance, just like how Adora breaking free of her destiny and learning to let go of control had little to do with Catra. I love the different perspectives on love that they give us with Catra, Adora, and Scorpia. I love how this show takes the “love conquers all” trope and subverts it, saying that sometimes.. love breaks you. Sometimes it’s not enough. Sometimes it’s used as a weapon. Sometimes you have to let go of people you love, but it opens up space for you to figure out who you are and what you want and to conquer your own demons. You’ll come out the other side with a better understanding of what real, healthy love is supposed to look like. And maybe in the end, the love you always sought will find you again, in its own time, in its own way. 💘

#OK THIS IS... A LOT. EVEN FOR ME LMAO #she ra #meta #season 4 is my fave so far i just had a lot of feelings to work through ok #would love to hear what yall think xoxo happy new year's!!

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goblin-gardens · 3 years

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Summer Book Sprint!

I've mostly moved into my tiny house, but my wifi situation is not quite stable yet. So, instead of constantly streaming podcasts and shows (I got back into CR for EXU only to lose it again...) I've read more books this week than I have for all of 2020!

I feel like documenting this unusual productivity. So, here's what we've got so far. I started light with a fantasy/historical fiction and then a whole deluge of modern romcoms.

For each book I am recording: a) how many times did I cry? b) how queer is the story? c) was I compelled to be a goblin and stay up way too late or read at work when I should have been doing other down-time tasks like shelfreading the DVDs? d) overall rating out of 11 stars and e) do I recommend it and to whom?

Titles and ratings under the cut, so I don't decimate anyone's dash.

Written in the Stars by Alexandria Bellefleur

A cotton candy read, sweet and fluffy, quick and impermanent. Definitely fun, but this one didn't leave much of an impression on me tbh. Very online humor from Elle, I've definitely seen some of her jokes before as tumblr posts, and that didn't super work for me. It did manage to make me invested in reading about characters solving an escape room, so kudos there. I was excited by the blurbs calling it gay modern Pride & Prejudice..... it is NOT that, but it is good at what it is! Times Cried: 2. It does a good job of getting into the heads of the POV characters, and I definitely was rooting for them. Was It Queer: Yeah! Was I A Goblin: Not really. I was able to keep it in my bag until my lunch break without much issue. Overall: 6 stars out of 11. Fun, sexy, sweet, quickly over. Cotton candy, whipped cream, you get it. I'd recommend this to readers who: Think naming a character Darcy makes this a modern Pride & Prejudice?? (that is, like Darcy's roiling sexual frustration under his uptight demeanor more than his feudal land-lording skills). Were very online in 2015, but in a Pintrest way. Want a tall girl to make a spreadsheet and fuck them on it.

The Ex Talk by Rachel Lynn Solomon

I have Very Strong Opinions about my local NPR affiliate, so this was very fun for me. The sexist boss stuff was a little heavy-handed, and the Orcas Island bit and The Confession felt contrived enough to take me out of the story a little, but the characters were so well-built and compelling that I stuck it out for them. Times Cried: 1, but I did laugh a lot. Was It Queer: No. Was I A Goblin: Yes, I was almost late back from my lunch break because I had to read another chapter. Overall: 7 out of 11 stars. Clever setting, strong main characters, truly funny dialog. I'd recommend this to readers who: Would love to listen to a podcast about two exes giving relationship advice in real life. Love a good old-fashioned sexist man gets his comeuppance storyline. Have been personally victimized by public radio donation drives.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V. E. Schwab

Best book I read this week. Really well-handled magic that is revealed and explored in a very engaging way. I did think it was sort of silly that a practically immortal character would stay only in Europe/the US for 300 years, many of which had international flight, but that's more of a nitpick than a true plot hole. Times Cried: A chart-topping 7! Was It Queer: While both of the main characters are bi/pan, and there are a number of queer supporting characters..... the story does not feel very queer to me. It doesn't explore queerness or queer topics, it's just about characters who are queer. There were some missed chances, I guess, especially in the gender department. Was I A Goblin: I didn't even have a chance to take this to work, because I read it all in one sitting and went to bed after 1 because I couldn't put it down. Peak goblin behavior. Overall: 9 stars out of 11. Engaging, mysterious, interesting world and compelling characters. I'd recommend this to readers who: Want art history courses that are just juicy gossip about the lives of Renaissance painters. Think lawyers are sexy when they find loopholes in copyright contracts. Are monsterfuckers but in the straight way, where they love an attractive white man who sometimes turns into smoke and mostly because they want to be special to him when he's Capital E Evil to everyone else.

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuinston

Turns out, books that get fantastic ratings from both big-name publications and the bookblrs I follow tend to be very good! A great cast of characters, heart-string pulling love letters, dramatic speeches... this has got it all. Times Cried: 4. Add Henry to the list of fictional characters I need to hug and make hot cocoa for. Was It Queer: Hell yeah! Was I A Goblin: Oh, absolutely. Overall: 9 out of 11 stars. Honestly just a joy to read. Engaging start, darling middle, uplifting end. I'd recommend this to readers who: Think West Wing should get a sexy reboot with a younger, queerer cast. Appreciate the value of an annotated bibliography when sexting. Love a good supportive sibling dynamic.

First Comes Like by Alisha Rai This fake-dating drama just keeps escalating, but in an authentic and easy way. The side characters feel a little under-utilized, but only because there's so many and each one is interesting. Times Cried: 1. Mostly I was having too good a time! Was It Queer: Not as a focus. Was I A Goblin: Yes indeed. Overall: 7 out of 11 stars. Funny, fast-paced and full of twists. I'd recommend this to readers who: Think the sexiest things a man can do are respect women and be a good dad. Loves sisters loving sisters. Figure if they've dug themselves a hole, they might as well keep going till they hit gold.

#books!#personal #book review #in the loosest sense of the word #summer book sprint

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scattered-imagination · 5 years

Text

Villain Aizawa x Amnesia Yamada

An RP/Storytime @shouta-light are working on right now ;-)

Shouta and Hizashi are both barely starting their Hero careers, with Shouta working for an undisclosed underground hero, and Hizashi Interning at Endeavors agency.

Shouta points out that Endeavor and his agency are a sham and that he doesn’t treat his sidekicks well. Hizashi knows this, but because of the risks and liabilities of his quirk, not many agencies want to have him as an intern. Endeavors agency is a good way to get a foot in the door and prove himself. especially with how difficult Endeavor can be as a boss.

Shouta nods but warns Hizashi to find another agency quick. Hizashi agrees.

one day:

Hizashi is exhausted after 4 villain attacks during his 8 hour shift. Endeavor has been bullheaded and prideful, and Hizashi is so close to letting the man have it. just when he is about to clock out, endeavor drags him off to a massive villain attack downtown. Hizashi, although tired, agrees.

hizashi manages to get all civilians to safety while endeavor and another sidekick take care of the villains...most of them. there is no right of endeavor or any other hero when three villains corner Hizashi and say, “nothing personal” before Hizashi feels pain rush through him and he blacks out...nothing left.

the attack is being broadcast live all over the news, when they report that a sidekick from endeavors agency has been hurt and is in critical condition.This is the news broadcast that flashes across Shouta’s phone and he immediately dons his hero clothing and rushes to the attack site. everything is destroyed and there is endeavor talking to the press with lies and fake sympathies. Shouta tries to rush the other, but is held back by Nemuri who came because she was worried as well.

Endeavor begins to speak:

“Sadly, sidekick Present Mic has been captured by the villains. but rest assured we will get him back”

the reporters are satisfied and leave, but Shouta and Nemuri hear endeavor talk to his agent about how they will have to find a new sidekick. Shouta bristles and marches up to the other, asking what hes going to do about Hizashi. Endeavor states that Present Mic will be looked for but that the agency doesnt deal with ransoms and then walks away shooing the two off.

Shouta and Nemuri go to Principal Nezu and tell him the situation. the principal is so angry and promises to deal with it.

But sadly...the next day the villains appear, on live TV facing endeavor, with Hizashis bloody jacket and directional speaker. they throw the items at Endeavor and tell him that “what a shame that a young hero had to die because of him”

everyone is shocked... Shouta is absolutely wrecked and frozen in grief. the next day at school Nezu brings everyone into an assembly dedicated to Hizashi.Shouta gets angrier and angrier, storming out as kids who didn’t know the real hizashi speak of him.

He never goes back to UA again

*Fast forward 10 years -- so Shouta is around 26 years old*

Shouta is now a villain know as eraserhead... a name Hizashi suggested he use but he never told his agency about. he spends all his time taking down and exposing corrupt heroes. any hero that takes pride in the spotlight is not a hero at all.

his ultimate mission...destroy endeavors life, his public reputation, his family, and ultimately kill him. its his fault that his best friend died at the tender age of 16... Hizashi could have done amazing things!

And Shouta...shouta never got to tell Hizashi that he loved him...had ever since they met at the sports festival.

one day, during one of free days, Shouta decides to visit the next down and relax where no one will recognize him. he is drawn to a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop that says “Wake Up!~” he walks in

Hizashi?!?!?!

he stands frozen as he see’s what looks like a carbon copy of his former best friend. he doubts that it is..before he see’s the scar across the others neck...the scar that he got from one of their classmates during a training session. Hizashi was in so much pain and Shouta had punched their classmate out cold before helping the other to recovery girl

the scar stayed...by Hizashi’s request, to remind him to be careful no matter what. shouta hated that scar

but now...it showed him that Hizashi was alive.

he rushes his friend, so thankful that no one is in the cafe and grabs him by the shoulders, screaming at him

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

WHY HAVEN’T YOU CALLED

DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I HAVE BEEN YOU DAMN COCKATOO

Hizashi just blinks at him, scared and embarrassed. he apologizes...and asks who Shouta is. Shouta stands there frozen and confused. he makes Hizashi sit down and asks him what the last thing he remembers?

Hizashi shrugs and says he remembers applying to UA...but he must not have gotten in. His foster guardians told him his quirk destroyed the training area and he didnt get in... everything after the application is a blur and his foster guardians told him it was because of his troublesome nature. once Hizashi turned 18 he got out of the situation and when to school in business to open up his own shop. he wanted to be a hero and a radio host...but his quirk is dangerous so he decided to just open a coffee shop and teach English on the weekends.

Shouta is so angry and confused, before telling Hizashi that he will explain everything later... but hes a friend from the past. hizashi gets excited and asks him to come back next time hes in town so they can catch up.

Shouta nods, and spends a bit more time with Hizashi. for the next year Aizawa goes back to the coffee shop every weekend to talk with Hizashi. Hizashi slowly regains some of his memories...others are too painful to remember. Shouta feels his feelings increasing for the other, and hes happy to see that Hizashi is interested in him as well.

but before anything else....Shouta needs to figure out why Endeavor never followed up after “Hizashis Death”. leaving his best friend to flounder in the world on his own, probably in the grips of those villains for a year or two... the abuse the other must have suffered. he splis his time between investigating/taking down endeavor and spending time with Hizashi, slowly moving into a relationship with the other

Shouta finally has Hizashi back

and no one

was going to take him away

((2nd Place for Erasermic Plot Bunny! feel free to ask more questions!

message me if you want to write this story or use it. 99.9% I will say yes, just please tag me so I can read your beauty!

Hashtag for this plot: #ErasermicVillainAmnesiaAU

Hashtag for this series of plots: #ErasermicPlotBunnies

@lambojet @guess-my-country @wendiflow @dadmic @deafmic @shouta-light

#yamada hizashi #present mic #eraserhead #aizawa shouta #villain!aizawa #civilian!hizashi #erasermic #bnha #mha #young erasermic #alternate world #AU #ErasermicPlotBunnies #erasermicVillainAmnesiaAU

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ofniko · 5 years

Text

troye sivan. demiboy. he/them. ／ nicolas “niko” goldwater just pulled up blasting coming of age by foster the people— that song is so them! you know, for a twenty-one year old social media influencer/fashion guru, i’ve heard they’re really -mercurial, but that they make up for it by being so +gregarious. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say a shiny pink vinyl skirt with pristine nails to match, designer shopping bags weighing down twiggy arms, and margaritas with extra sugar around the rim. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble!

hello friends ! i’m lainie, she/her, cst, and i talk about stephen king too much :/ im!! so excited to introduce u to niko my fashion baby and to get to know all of ur amazing outstanding totally unique never been done before muses !! under the cut u can find a very lazy intro with some summarized points and i’d promise a real bio later but lich rally who am i kidding lmao anyway i have a p full day but ill be around for plotting n stuff so come smash a heart and ill slide up in ur dms or hmu in my ims or on discord (starslut#0877) whichever works best for you MWAH

background/history

niko grew up right here on the upper east side, born and bred into the life of new york’s elite and while his attitude doesn’t entirely reflect the sort of pretentiousness we get when we think gossip girl, he definitely exudes an air of wealth and privilege and of having a limited view of what the world is really like outside of his trust fund bubble

for all his ostentation and lack of control when it comes to the wealth at his fingertips, he’s always maintained a very genuine humbleness and sense of humility that, while not always strong, is definitely there. it can be seen in his passion for helping people through what he does--his greatest thrill in life is to know he’s helped people find themselves through fashion and self care

his dad is a wall street trader and entrepreneur and they’re new(ish) money. he got wealthy very young so niko grew up knowing nothing but a life of luxury. his mom is a socialite, and his relationship with them is about what you’d expect. they love him, he’s their child, but they don’t take a huge amount of interest in his life. their blasé attitude toward him was highlighted most in his mind when he came out to them at 15 and they just......didn’t really have a reaction. weren’t upset, weren’t really surprised, but weren’t necessarily proud or happy for him either

when he came out a couple years later to them as non-binary it wasn’t much different, only in that they didn’t really get what he was saying whereas “gay” was something they could understand

he did two years of school at nyu and dropped out because he simply wasn’t enjoying it and was making enough money through instagram and youtube and brand promotions that it felt like a no-brainer decision

again, his parents weren’t happy about it, but they didn’t fight him over it, either

his following is growing exponentially and he’s just released a line of scents and perfumes that, on top of the revenue from everything else, makes it so he hardly needs his trust fund anymore

personality

gregarious and extraverted sometimes to a fault, niko can easily get on the nerves of people who don’t have the energy to keep up. he’s like a child who never quite grew out of adolescence, and with that boundless energy also comes a selfishness he’s usually unaware of. it can be very difficult for niko to be conscious of the way his actions affect other people and ends up hurting those close to him that way

in that same vein, when he does realize what he’s done, he’s more often than not consumed with guilt over it and will go to great lengths to try and resolve the issue

not that he always does a good job

he sleeps around a lot mostly because he enjoys it, but partly because he doesn’t know how to have a relationship. the lingering adolescence makes it so he doesn’t have the necessary awareness of another person’s needs to be in a stable relationship and he manages to a large degree to convince himself he doesn’t care and prefers being single anyway

fashion is his favorite thing in the world and though he doesn’t wear a lot of makeup on the daily, he definitely dabbles and has a lot of fun experimenting

catch him exploring the city and taking pictures, partying, clubbing, brunching, and shopping on the regs and if he’s in a Mood, you can usually tell bc he goes on shopping binges and fusses to an extreme degree over his appearance

also he he dyes his hair platinum blond

and his pronouns are flexible! he usually uses he/him referring to himself but genuinely doesn’t care whatever people feel like using

connection ideas

gal and gay pals :’) for fashion and shopping and instagram photoshoots

also a best friend ride or die pleaSE and thank u

i need enemies and angst and drama so give me everyone who hates niko/thinks he’s a fake bitch/can’t stand him

high school connections are cute so maybe someone he didn’t get along w back then and does now/vice versa where they were rly close and something turned them against each other and now it’s world war 3

COLLABS ?? youtubers/influencers/instagrammers he’s worked with or regularly collaborates with

a parental figure/figures :( since he doesn’t have much of a relationship w his real parents

umm!!!! someone who like they DONT get along usually and everyone knows they’re weird frenemies but they VIBE SO HARD when theyre drunk and partying

one (1) ex who lasted maybe like 3-4 months and it didn’t work out either bc they cheated on niko (would love this angst) OR bc niko was too flaky for them and they couldn’t handle the way niko doesn’t rly understand intimacy

someone who can challenge!! that!! and it’s freaking niko out bc he’s starting to catch Feels but doesn’t know what to do w it/doesn’t know if they feel the same way

casual hookups/one night stands/maybe a hookup or two from back in high school and they’re either on good terms and just friends now or like....it’s angsty maybe!!!!!!!!!

#excessintro #whew im so good at being a mess #this isnt even gna show up in the tags yet probly but we going ✈️ bold 2day

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soldrawss · 5 years

Note

Don't read unless you have watched the new episode. But the whole time I watched it I was thinking how it pretty wild that your comic and the episode are basically the same.

OK I HAVE FINALLY WATCHED THE EPISODE AND BOY WHOO HOO HOWDY I’M GONNA INCLUDE MY THOUGHTS UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I KNOW A FEW OTHERS HAVE YET TO SEE IT AS WELL AND I DON’T WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING BUT WHOO LETS GO BABES

SO first off I’m just gonna say that I LOVED the episode. Really and truly honestly I did. I don’t think there were any major things that I didn’t like tbh. It was such a truthfully wholesome episode. And I’m actually happy with the amount of screen time we got with Scrooge and his insight with Christmas.

HOWEVER. I wish it was a 45-minute special. Because I think we could have absolutely dived MUCH deeper into the relationship between 1) Younger Donald and Dewey and 2) (the most important) DONALD AND DELLA. I mean like HOLY SHIT. I have to collect my thoughts together really quick cause I’m gonna explode just going on about the sibling relationship going on there so let me backtrack really quick and start from the beginning.

First and foremost. The set up to the episode was great. The kids getting ready for Christmas. Webby’s little hug to Huey and Huey’s patient little smile back to her. Louie’s X-mas list and his “let me explain”, like yes my son, own it. Donald being his best dad self, decorating and STILL playing guitar and singing awful carols at the top of his lungs like, we stan a good good duck dad!!! Literally, everyone is top notch just being great!

Then we get to plot. The ghosts are back in town. And they’re ready to get down and dirty and party and I LIVE for the idea that they were originally looking for a different Scrooge and that OUR Scrooge actually LOVES Christmas (And I’m so glad that we still don’t know why Scrooge has beef with Santa cause like, that’s potential for future X-Mas episodes and I’m all about having more mysteries to look forward to alright?) So we get it. Party on Scrooge lets go back in time!!!

So we’re 12 minutes in, more Scrooge stuff happens (Which I adore. Love that they brought back Goldy. Love that Young Scrooge is so passive about seeing Old Scrooge. LOVE that BEAKLY fucking FLIRTS with the GRIM REAPER SKJD;S GET IT GIRL LOVE THAT) And super double plot twist is that little jimmy cricket over here is actually like, kinda evil? Well not evil, but he’s a little-twisted buddy, which isn’t his fault, but he just wants to party and feels like everyone abandons him when once they find the true meaning of Christmas (being with family) Which Scrooge does. Which also, can we appreciate how fast it takes for Scrooge to be like, yeah I’m bored of this adventure stuff, can I just go home to my family now? It may have just been the episode time frame but IDK man, I feel like he’s growing from once being bitter to becoming that good old family man again. Good, good old man, I love him.

ANYWAY- NOW LETS GET DOWN TO THE JUICY HALF OF THE EPISODE AND THE HALF THE EVERYONE WANTS MORE OF INCLUDING MYSELF

OK So here we see Dewey hitch a ride on grims cloak and fall into let’s say around 25+ years in the past. The FIRST thing I noticed and the first shot we get is a mere parallel to the one we see when Scrooge first falls in the past. Its a shot of the mansion. But as opposed to the shot where Scrooge falls during a Christmas where his mansion is LIT the fuck up with lights and sounds and color and LIFE, Dewey sees it dark and practically dead, but still recognizably the Mc’Duck Mansion. One of the next shots we see takes place inside, and we see the mansion (remember this duck is a billionaire) with the wallpaper peeling and the walls cracking and hardly lit and it looks absolutely deserted and kinda uncared for which BREAKS MY HEART OK!!!

(But I’m so glad I at least got the scene right where Dewey’s first interaction with Donald is through his music and that Dewey could guess it was Donald through his Voice™!!! Also, should have thought of Bluey. That was SO much better than Deuteronomy. But oh well! Got the fake family part right! And the fact that Donald knew she was out back looking fo Santa and was trying to catch Santa for Scrooge. That last part wasn’t in the comic, but that was going to be the original idea for part 4 and FUCK YEAH I WAS ON A ROLL)

And ohhhh when Donald says this is the most confusing family! Ouufff that hit me so hard!!! Cause like, honestly, in canon, Donald is SO proud of his heritage and family line. He’s the only Disney character to really even HAVE a family tree, are you kidding me?

Also Dewey just Yeeting himself out a window with Donald’s guitar as Leverage was such a good idea I wish I would have thought of it and I’m SO ANGRY that I didn’t but I guess if I had then technically I would have been a mind reader or actually stealing from the show so good job me for NOT doing that but I at least got them Escaping out the window part down so WOOP FOR that!

ALSO DONALD JUST STRAIGHT UP LICKING THE TREE! WONDERFUL GOOD BOY AND LIKE!!! AND LIKE!!! OK I kinda played around with the idea that Donald kinda just does stuff without explanation and when someone asks we gives off these weird oneliners that don’t really answer the question of WHY he did/was doing the thing in the first place is something I absolutely live for and both his interactions within my comic and in the show are so parallel with one another that I’m actually mind freaked right now I want to scream I fucking love these kids ok?!?!?

So I could probably live for the next 30 years off of just Dewey and Donald just talking to each other like, it was probably only 40 seconds of conversation, but I lived for every second like it was the only thing that mattered!!! Just Dewey being so Hecking Excited to learn more about Della from someone willing to talk to him without any trauma™ and I LOVED how Donald never outrightly admitted that Della wasn’t Amazing or Awesome (Dewey said it at least twice when referring to Della) and just changed the subject. Like, true sibling love. (I would have also accepted if he had called her a nerd or a geek or something similar because they are siblings after all, like jeezus the whole episode was mostly about their fight like, anything is great, give me them sibling dynamics)

OK AND THEN THE MOMENT OF TRUTH

DELLA MY SWEET BABY GIRL APPEARS AND SHE IS MY EVERYTHING

OK honestly I was gonna draw her with a bit more messy hair but OTHERWISE SHE’S PERFECT. AND HER’S AND DONALDS IMMEDIATE BICKERING IS MY FAVORITE EVER. (And tbh her reaction to them NOT being Santa clause and honestly that entire net scene was also gonna be my reaction so don’t be surprised when you see that in upcoming continuation of my comic) (Also her calling Dewey a Dummy, is ACE)

So their whole fight scene going on. The whole Dumbella incident. You can just FEEL the sibling energy off of it. I ate that shit up SO FAST. I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. (I WANT SO MUCH MORE OF THAT STUFF PLEASE DT CREW GIVE US A FLASHBACK EPISODE OF THE COUSINS I NEEEEEEED IT) If you’ve ever had a sibling then you KNOW. You know that look when Della got when Donald called her Dumbella. The No, not until you apologize she gave back. The FOR WHAT?? The endless back and forth that would have continued onward for a LONG time if they weren’t in impending doom. Man that’s the shit right there. That’s really all I wanted I could have had a full 45 minutes of just THAT right there. Just these kids being siblings.

(Also, Donald outing himself about the toothbrush and combat boots, he’s so gonna pay for that later I can feel it in my bones and I live for these moments kids)

AND THEN WE GET THE FIRST HEARTBREAKER OF THE NIGHT FOLKS, when Dewey figures out why Della’s so peeved at Donald (rightfully so) and it’s just!!! It’s just so good that all Della really wanted was to spend time with Donald and make a memory of it and catch Santa together and folks I would be lying to you and to God and to our Lord and savior Carl Barks if I said that I didn’t cry, these siblings are so good. (And the fact that Dewey also made a quick connection to himself, like, ohhh yeah I need to also be better and apologize to MY family and give MY Donald a hug when I get home)

NOW SHIT GETS REAL!!! The way Donald and Della land after getting free from the net. These kids were BORN for adventuring. This isn’t their first rodeo and this is what I want to see more of!!! Donald and Della as the fighting duo!!! (Dewey totally face planted my smol blue bean I love you) Della gets into fighting position ready to go, and Donald flips his hair back outta the way like so cool and nonchalantly LIKE DREAM TEAM SO COOL I LOVE THEEEEEMMMM!!! aND THEN when they find out the Wendigo is after Scrooge, They’re all like, “of, yeah, duh, Its always scrooge,” and then IMMEDIATELY GO AFTER HIM IN PERFECT FIGHTING SYNC LIKE THESE ARE 10-YEAR-OLDS AND THEY FIGHT LIKE THEY HAVE BEEN FIGHTING ON SCROOGE’S BEHALF FOR YEARS AND IM!!! (there’s so much fanfic potential here i’m screaming) And Dewey’s kinda just standing back like, Woah nelly, CAUSE LOOK AT THESE DUCK CHILDREN GO!!! LOOK AT MY LITTLE FIGHTING REBEL KIDS I ;KLD’KLASJ’F I LOVE THEM!!!

(Also, shout out to the last episode, in which we see that Donald kept the broken guitar under hammock all those years, he never could manage to through the thing away, i love this temperamental kid so much guys i’m crying again) But I’m glad we got to see Wee angry Donald!!! That was a fun thing I’m glad they put that in!!!

And now for the final! I’M glad Donald apologized rightly and straight away and wholeheartedly! That’s the good boy I know and Love! And Dewey going in for the hug!!! So sweet!!! But also!!! Della like, immediately figuring out that Dewey was from the future, I kinda like that! I wasn’t going to do it, but I like it! Love how smart she is and just how nonchalant they both are about it cause hey, have you MET their family? I like how they say Ducks, too. Not Mc’Ducks. Like, Scrooge is Weird and they do all sorts of crazy stuff with him, but you haven’t SEEN crazy till you’ve met the hick side of the family.

And then it’s like, just like that, they’re gone! And ouufff boy that was not the goodbye I was expecting but sometimes goodbyes are like that and that’s ok and I respect the out the DT crew took cause it flowed so nicely and well but boy did it hurt. (Can you imagine Donald and Della coming back with THEN Scrooge with this whole explanation to find nothing there and Scrooge being like???? Ack you kids leave me alone I hate Christmas as it is I don’t need you all playing tricks on me with fake Wendigos and family members from the futures when I have important things to do bah humbug or something and Donald and Della just have to live with this knowledge but at least they have each other and are closer for the better!!!) Because then Scrooge was there and THEN DEWEY WAS CRYING AND THERE’S JUST SO MANY EMOTIONS CAN YOU IMAGINE ALL THE EMOTIONS THIS KID IS GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW AND HE JUST WANTS TO GO HOME AND SEE HIS UNCLE DONALD AND BROTHERS AND WEBBY AND JUST BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS AND ACK.

AND GOSH WAS THE DONALD DEWEY HUG JUST SO GOOD AS WELL AS THE DOGPILE LITERALLY GIVE ME ALL THE HUGS, I WANT THEM ALL THIS IS SUCH A WHOLE GOOD EPISODE!!! All in all, 10/10 Was very good. Could I have loved more of just about EVERYTHING? yes, but I can make my own content if I need to fulfill my wishes. Overall, there was nothing that disappointed me, which was so good. I wasn’t let down by the interpretations of the characters, the morals, or how the storyline went. Could we have made it into a 45-minute episode and just like, extended every conversation? Yes. But plot? Solid. Characters? Solid. Relations? Super solid. Did Sol cry? She did and she will again cause she just loves these good characters so hecking much!!! Donald is my all time favorite Disney character on the planet and just the fact that he gets so much love and attention and just all the beautiful backstory and rick history is such a beautiful gift that just keeps on giving!

Also, FULL Disclosure, Im gonna continue part 3, 4 and 5 of my version of how I thought this episode was gonna go. Simply because, well, I liked it. And I think you all will like it to.

#long post #my thoughts #on this epside #ducktales #ducktales 2017 #ducktales spoilers #donald duck #della duck #dewey duck #guys holy shit

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thedreadvampy · 5 years

Text

So Love, Death and Robots...

Ok, like the first 4 were all, in different ways, really pretty good, and there are a couple of other good offerings in the mix, although a lot of the otherwise good ones fumbled the landing a little and left me feeling slightly unsatisfied.

Sonnie’s Edge was a solid opener, not my favourite in the world (and the accents felt really fake if I’m honest - if you say they’re from Newcastle give your characters Geordie accents, you cowards, none of this ‘generic working class Brit’ bollocks), but the twists were good, the characters had some life to them, and while I am a biiit eeehhhhhh about the Rape As Backstory element, it wasn’t egregious and the story was well put together and rattled along at a fair pace. I would have liked a bit more information about where her anger came from, since she shrugs off the idea that it’s from her Traumatic Backstory, but that’s really my only criticism. Animation-wise I’m not the biggest fan of photorealistic scifi animation, and the monster designs are fine but not mindblowing, but it’s doing what it does solidly (although I don’t know why that one character has her tits all the way out in her regular costume, it’s a bit Teenage Boy Scifi but it’s still a cool costume and I like the blacklight effects). The theme for me here is competent - nothing in the story or the animation was stand-out exciting for me but it was all done well, paced well, animated and designed very well, but it all sort of hit a “good but not great” note for me if I’m honest. 4/5 robots 🤖🤖🤖🤖💀

Three Robots was fun and engaging, if a bit superficial - it’s more of a series of stitched-together vignettes than a story, and other than the central characters, the world, and the cat very little connects the scenes, but that’s fine, it’s a worldbuilding exercise and it does what it’s doing pretty well. I really dig the character designs, especially the big blocky triangle robot - I’m a sucker for highly variable robots existing in the same world and I always appreciate effective non-humanoid character design. Also I did really enjoy the closing twist, that gave me a giggle. 4/5 robots 🤖🤖🤖🤖💀

The Witness was also really good but missing something. I loved the animation and character design, the comic book sound effects were occasionally a little clunky and distracting but the Comicsness of it was really working for me. I liked the story - it telegraphed part of the ending very deliberately but kept you guessing about the details and then pulled a pretty effective twist at the end anyway - and the characters managed to convey a lot of personality without a lot of explanation. There was a pleasing sense of inevitability to it, and while I kind of wanted a bit of explanation I think it was probably the right decision to leave it ambiguous. I did leave it feeling a little unsatisfied in an indefinable way, but looking back I think it would not have been made better by being any more explicit about what it was trying to convey. 4/5 robots 🤖🤖🤖🤖💀 Suits, the one with the redneck mecha pilots, was far and away the tightest and most satisfyingly put together in the whole show for me - I liked the animation style a lot for it, it was funny and emotionally engaging, and while it wasn’t breaking much new ground it was beautifully paced, kept you invested and made you care about the characters, and was probably the only one which I had absolutely no complaints or lingering disappointments at all with. 5/5 robots 🤖🤖🤖🤖🤖 .........aaaaaand then it all went wrong a bit for me because the episodes I genuinely solidly enjoyed got much fewer and further between as the bulk of stories got increasingly adolescent and superficial (I know, I know, it’s called Love, Death and Robots, it was always going to be a bit Teenage Boy, but the first 4 were all solid enough that I was feeling positive about it) Sucker of Souls was...fine. Characterful animation, uptempo pace, good character design (although GOD those ACCENTS, please stop and hire Actually British and Actually Irish voice actors if you’re planning on having British and Irish characters). It just felt completely hollow, though. Like, why do I care about this happening? Most of the characters are reasonably likeable if pretty stock, but the actual protagonist has nothing to him except Gruffly Macho Mercenary #4518B, and the plot is paper-thin and utterly unsatisfying. Monster exists, hubris of man raises monster, monster does something gratuitiously gory (if well-animated), people run away from monster, kill monster with guns and explosions, oh no what a twist we’re still in trouble, cut to black. And there was just nothing added to that, nothing clever or imaginative or unexpected, and the only twist they managed was that their Big Triumphal Moment was totally pointless. I thought they were going somewhere interesting with the cats thing and then it just got dropped and we went back to guns and explosions. I get doing something like this as a character piece but a) the characters just aren’t interesting enough to prop it up and b) the stakes aren’t balanced right for it to work (heh, stakes). It feels like this was just ‘I have a cool character design for Dracula and a couple of setpiece ideas’ and the whole short was just a vehicle for that, but while those things were cool they weren’t cool enough to make half an hour of TV feel worth it. It’s nice to see 2d animation but the animation style is only really ‘fine’ to me. This episode feels like someone really liked Hellboy but is not nearly as good a writer as Mike Mignola. 2/5 robots 🤖🤖💀💀💀 When The Yoghurt Took Over was fun enough. It didn’t have much more to it than ‘it would be funny if yoghurt took over the world’ but sometimes that’s enough. The animation’s cute and the idea is original enough to be funny and indepth enough to keep you engaged - I like a lot of the visual gags, even if they were a bit on the nose, and I enjoyed the vibe of it. It felt like a really odd fit with the rest of the show, though, and I’m not sure what tone the ending was trying to strike. Overall, 3.5/5 robots 🤖🤖🤖💀💀 (imagine I can emoji half a robot) Beyond the Aquila Rift, like Sonnie, is wholly competent and also pretty rote. The twist was telegraphed from a mile off, and imo the episode only manages to fill a full 15 minutes because like 3 of those minutes are just sex scenes without much substance. Again, photorealistic animation isn’t my bag, but even that considered the faces were carefully-textured enough that mid-tier animation made it all feel a bit Bioware and got in the way of me empathising with the characters. The story is an absolute off-the-rack sci-fi classic, and there’s no real twist on it - if I’d never seen this story played out before it might have worked, but I have seen approximately 20000000 versions of it and this just wasn’t bringing anything new. I liked the navigator character, when she was in it, and the design was competent, but it just did nothing for me because it all felt deeply generic and so the episode just dragged on with nothing new or exciting. 2.5/5 robots 🤖🤖💀💀💀 Good Hunting is another one where I liked bits of it but felt like it didn’t really go anywhere with its premise. I like the idea of contrasting traditional fantasy tropes with scifi, and I do like to see steampunk that legitimately grapples with the colonial baggage, but it just felt like it didn’t have much room to grow. The mechanical animation was really pretty - I especially liked the scene with the automatic hare - and the story was solidly paced, plus I do like when stories have a go at recontextualising traditional Seductress Monsters, buuuut to be honest it felt like a bit of a letdown. Where it hit, it hit solidly - I liked the throughline about how she felt like she’d become what he had thought her mother was, and the parallels between his experience of working for the British and her experience of sex work for them - but I think the issue for me is that, while I liked Liang and felt like he was well fleshed out, this felt like it should have been Yan’s story and it just wasn’t, really. Also I’m not very clear on what the point of the robotics work was - symbolically it works on some levels but I don’t know if it actually helps along the core theme, although the more time I spend with the idea the more it’s working for me. Still, I think we could have done with cutting the wuxia-ey scene at the beginning in half to make room for a little more meat at the end. 4/5 robots 🤖🤖🤖🤖💀 Ugly Dave. It’s fine. Nothing to write home about. The gag is pretty clear from the off, and doesn’t really build up into anything other than the obvious, but the animation is nice, the character design is strong and the jokes are adolescent but well-delivered. 3/5 robots 🤖🤖🤖💀💀 Shape-Shifters. I don’t know how this one was because it bored and annoyed me so much that I skipped to the next episode after 5 minutes. Ugh. Yeah. They’re werewolves and their squad is mean to them even though they’re real good at war. I assume that the only reason this isn’t called Dog Soldiers is because there’s already a film called Dog Soldiers about werewolf squaddies which the target audience of this short film, edgy teenage boys with a hardon for modern military propaganda, already like (side note: I didn’t get to the bit where presumably they eventually transform. but I flicked through a few frames on the tracker bar and they looked like incredibly generic wolves). My guess is that probably at the end they a) save their squad despite being discriminated against or b) the more annoying one gets killed by his own side. probably both. idk, I noped out because it was just wanking off the concept of the modern military and our two protagonists were two obnoxiously macho army men talking about how unfair it was that nobody appreciated how GOOD THEY WERE AT KILLING FOR ‘MURICA mission accomplished etc. Oh, and the animation style was another incredibly uninteresting photo-realistic but video-game animated pile of boring. 0/5 robots, too bored to actually watch it 💀💀💀💀💀

However, luckily just as I was getting Very Bored of Shooty Shooty Bang Bang adolescence, there were a succession of really nice character pieces

Helping Hand was a great small-scope short story. A lot of the episodes are really bombastic but Helping Hand is small and contained and character-driven and I liked it quite a bit. The animation is once again photorealistic, but to be honest that works well for me here because the movements are really believable, there’s a good reason to use animation instead of live actors (because it’s a situation where you’d either need a really expensive shooting setup or to mostly animate it anyway), and I think that the personal struggle would have had a lot less impact if the animation was more stylised. It’s a bit gross but beautfiully paced and tense (and the character’s Irish accent isn’t ear-burningly awful this time!) I will also say that of all of them, this character design feels the least male-gazy and the most like an actual person. 4/5 robots 🤖🤖🤖🤖💀 Fish Night was unexpectedly gorgeous! I really don’t rate the animation style of pseudo-cel 3d with heavy lineart, and I was all set to find this episode ugly, but it’s honestly stunning. It feels like some of the best Nobrow comics, I can almost smell litho ink and feel heavy paper. It’s just got such a beautiful artistic sensibility. Storywise it’s a little weak - the characters are solid and the wonder is real but it just doesn’t really go anywhere, and it just sort of ends, it could really have done with a few seconds of closing scene because it felt like it just cut itself off - and I’m not sure it’s anything meatier than a beautiful piece of visual work, but it’s allowed to be that and it does it stunningly! 4/5 robots 🤖🤖🤖🤖💀 Lucky 13 isn’t really up my alley (although Samira Wiley puts in a great performance and I love her) and it’s another one where I sort of think, you know, why is this an animated piece if you’re just going to mocap everyone and set most of the action in cockpits and in a hangar, but it rattles along well and does what it wants to do, which is to be a solid Hero Pilot And Ship story. I just don’t actually want to be watching military dramas, but at least it’s much, MUCH better executed than Shape-Shifters both in terms of animation and storytelling, the characters are likeable, and the pacing is good. 3/5 robots 🤖🤖🤖💀💀 Zima Blue. LOVE LOVE LOVE this story, brought down only by the fact that I, uh, kind of hate the art style? A lot? It’s a matter of personal taste but that angular, geometric, leggy thing does nothing for me, although the environments are really nice. But the actual story is clever, original and a little bit silly in all the ways I like my scifi to be, plus it explores some interesting themes of consciousness and happiness. And the twist in the tail is really nice and fairly unexpected. 4/5 robots 🤖🤖🤖🤖💀 Blindspot is dull, dull, dull, desperately dull and generic. We’re back on the adolescent Shooty Boom Boom bullshit, with poorly established stakes that never really get resolved, uninteresting and unpleasant characters, and a completely textbook story. The female character is apparently only there to make brain-itchingly bad Sassy Oneliners and have one scene where she shoots some guys, all of the characters have taken their personalities from the 15 Year Old Boy’s Guide To Being A Cool Rude Badass, the character designs are cluttered and not amazing, and there’s nothing original or exciting happening, it’s just a series of different shaped guns. The ending at least has a strong idea of what it’s doing, and almost works, but it’s dragged down by the fact that it relies on me being sad that these characters have got stomped, and I’m afraid that’s a lot to ask with characters as annoying and unpleasant as these. 1/5 robots 🤖💀💀💀💀 Ice Age. It’s a fun little concept. I’m not sure it really goes anywhere much but it’s quirky and very nicely put together, and it gave me a chuckle. 3/5 robots 🤖🤖🤖💀💀 Alternate Histories feels like something I’d see on Newgrounds in 2004, but slightly polished up and expanded on. Ha ha ha Hitler gets killed in various ways, which was definitely hilarious when I was 12. It’s much more interested in coming up with funny ways Hitler might die than it is in exploring any alternate histories that might result, despite the framing device (and also weirdly seems to imply that Nazi victory would be a good thing in one scenario?). I’ve used the word adolescent a lot here but this one isn’t even really adolescent in its sensibilities, it feels aimed at 10-13 year olds. 2/5 robots 🤖 🤖💀💀💀 The Secret War closes out the series in a way that feels consistent with the overall sense I got from Love, Death and Robots, in that it’s solidly made and not particularly original. But I did like it - the animation is stunning (although I stand by imitation not being the point of animation, it is aiming for realism and it does that almost flawlessly) and it’s surprisingly emotionally engaging. It keeps its focus on the experiences of the soldiers as people rather than on the concept, which is for the best as the concept is pretty generic, and it produces something with a bit of genuine emotional weight and stakes. It’s basically the exact same base story as Suits, even down to a lot of elements of the monster design, but set in a very different place with very different core characters, and as both Suits and Secret War are really character pieces, they make two very different but very strong stories out of it. This one is really hammering the GRITTY button as hard as it can, but it pulls it off, and while it still felt very pointed at teenage boy sensibilities it was a genuinely engaging and immersive story. If Soul Sucker desperately wanted to be the Hellboy comics, Secret War solidly evokes the Hellboy films but certainly isn’t just trying to be something other than what it is. 4/5 robots 🤖🤖🤖🤖💀 Overall thoughts - like all anthology shows tend to be, Love, Death and Robots is very hit and miss. A lot of episodes are really, REALLY rooted in a teenage nerd boy idea of coolness, and it doesn’t have much interest in criticising or examining what that means, but when it manages to get away from that a lot of these short films are fantastic. I will say that like a lot else, it’s dominated by both white male writers and white male protagonists and/or Strong Female Characters, and again, the best episodes tended to be ones that broke that pattern. From the title and trailer, I was worried about it being a lot more sexualised and gratuitous than it ended up being (although it definitely had its ehhhhhh moments), and I was honestly pleasantly surprised that of 18 episodes, only 2 featured rape-revenge plotlines, and none (maybe one?) were about Evil Seductresses, because given the title I had Concerns. However, it is still overwhelmingly white character-wise, which is a shame - I counted 2 episodes with Asian protagonists and 2 more with Black protagonists, which is relatively good, but there were probably only about 10 named/centred characters of colour all told. I dunno. I’d recommend taking a punt on it but I have Criticisms of the show overall. The good episodes are REALLY good though and I will definitely be rewatching 2 or 3 of them.

#apparently I wrote a full review of this #oops #love death and robots #netflix #scifi #review

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noona-clock · 6 years

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A Prince for Christmas 👑🎄

Genre: AU/Fluff

Pairing: Yunhyeong x You

By Admin B

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

“You’re really not mad he’s making you go right before Christmas?” your co-worker, Emily, asked after your boss left the conference room.

You had just been selected from your team to travel to a town a few hours away to take over a local bakery there, buying it out and turning it into one of the franchises your company owned.

“No,” you answered, pursing your lips slightly. “You know how I feel about Christmas.”

“As in... you don’t.”

“Exactly.”

Growing up, your parents had owned a year-round Christmas store, and it had barely taken you a decade to become jaded with the festive holiday. You’d suffered through it while you were still living with them, and once you moved out after you graduated college, you barely even acknowledged the day.

“But, you don’t even go to visit your family or anything?” Emily asked as you both made your way back to your desks, the sound of typing and copying and phones ringing permeating the office.

“Every time I visit them is like Christmas,” you explained with a roll of your eyes. “They still own that damn store.”

“You’ll never get away, I guess,” Emily chuckled.

You made a quick pit stop at the coffee maker, allowing you two just a bit more time to gossip before getting started on your work again.

“What are your plans?” you asked as you ran your finger over the selection of coffee pods, trying to decide which one you were in the mood for this afternoon.

“For Christmas?”

You hummed positively in response, choosing one of your favorites and dropping it into the coffee maker, setting your mug underneath.

“Oh, y’know,” Emily shrugged. “The usual, I guess. Although... I’m bringing Sungjin home with me.”

“Ooh, you are?” you smirked, raising your eyebrows knowingly at her. “It’s really getting serious with that one.”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” she blushed, holding back a bashful smile. “He’s coming over for a Christmas movie marathon tomorrow while you’re leaving for your business trip.”

“Oh, god, speaking of,” you chuckled. “My roommate was watching one of those really cheesy Christmas TV movies last night. I was making dinner in the kitchen, and I mean, I couldn’t help but watch some of it. Have you ever seen one?”

“What, like the ones where it magically starts snowing and they fall in love?”

“Yes! This one was about a writer who went to this little town to find inspiration or whatever. Of course, the town was all decked out for Christmas, and she met this single dad and they went ice skating together and they made Christmas cookies and she ended up finishing her novel and it became a bestseller, but she moved there to be with him even though she was all famous now because of her bestselling book. It was so corny!”

“My mom watches those,” Emily told you with a little snort as she switched places with you to make her own cup of coffee. “I’ve watched some with her, and just... Yeah.”

You leaned back against the counter in the break room, sipping at your hazelnut flavored coffee. And then a really amusing thought popped into your head.

“Hey,” you began, a far too giddy smile pulling at your lips. “If I were in one of those movies, the town I’m going to for this business trip would be one of those little towns who’s super into Christmas. Y’know, because I’m not? All the lights and wreaths and caroling and joy would inject the Christmas spirit back into me.”

“Ooh, yeah,” Emily agreed, her eyes widening slightly. “And the guy who owns that bakery would be really good-looking.”

“Exactly. And instead of buying the bakery from him, I would fall in love with him, and I would tell our boss I can’t do it because that bakery is his life’s work and his biggest accomplishment and how can we do that to him on Christmas? And then I would quit my job and move there to be with him.”

“And then, in the end, it turns out he’s a Prince from some microscopic European country,” Emily added with a definitive nod.

“Oh, my god, we could totally write one of those dumb movies,” you laughed before taking another sip of your beverage. You were fairly sure you could turn on the television right now and find a movie with almost the exact plot you’d just laid out.

You spent the rest of your workday messaging back and forth with Emily, coming up with even more ideas for this “fake but could totally be real” Christmas television movie. There would be a romantic Christmas tree lighting, most likely. And it would start snowing just before you shared a tender first kiss with the bakery owner.

Emily brought up the idea your flight would get canceled so you would have to stay longer, but you reminded her you were driving, not flying. You’d been terrified of flying your whole life, and the fact you would be saving your boss some money had propelled him to agree to let you drive there by yourself.

Thankfully, the clock hit 5 before she could suggest your car would break down because that would honestly be taking it too far. That could legitimately happen, and it was a situation in which you did not want to find yourself at the end of next week.

“Have a good time,” Emily said in a somewhat sing-song, teasing tone as you both walked out the front door of your office building.

“I will,” you chuckled. “I’ll text you updates. And you have a good time movie marathoning with your man.”

You saw Emily’s cheeks get pink before you went your separate ways in the parking deck, she to go home to prepare for a weekend-long date, and you to go home to pack for your business trip.

How exciting.

The drive to this town, a place named Spruce (of all things), only took about five hours; you were so used to driving everywhere, five hours was a drop in the ocean for you now. You’d gotten solo road trips down to a science, and before you knew it, your GPS had announced you’d arrived at your destination.

This afternoon, your destination was a quaint Bed & Breakfast situated just on the outside of town. The pastel yellow Victorian home was extremely inviting, and you had to admit to yourself as you lugged your suitcase down the front walkway - you were pretty hyped to stay here.

You didn’t really get out that much. Your job kept you busy enough, and your aforementioned fear of flying prevented you from going any place too far away. So getting to stay in a cozy, homey, adorable little Bed & Breakfast was definitely out of the ordinary and actually kind of exciting.

The smell of gingerbread cookies greeted you as you managed to open the door with your hands full of luggage, though a middle-aged man wasn’t too far behind.

“Hello, there!” he grinned, taking your larger suitcase from you and closing the door to keep the cold air out. “You must be Y/N.”

...Apparently, you were the only guest here.

“I am,” you replied, trying not to make it obvious you were a bit taken aback by his personalized greeting.

“Welcome to our humble abode. I’m Nick.” He held one hand out for you, giving you a friendly wink as you shook it.

“Nice to meet you, Nick,” you nodded.

Nick proceeded to give you a tour of the downstairs before showing you upstairs to your room. He confirmed your earlier thought of being the only guest currently, and he informed you the best room in the place was all yours.

When he opened the large, oak door to what was presumably your room for the next week, your breath got just slightly caught in your throat.

It was absolutely gorgeous, and you knew instantly you would have to convince yourself to actually get out of bed every morning.

“Wow, thank you,” you murmured absently as you gazed around, your eyes taking in the simple but beautiful wallpaper, the crown molding, the plush four-poster bed, the embroidered sheer curtains, and the nice-sized en-suite bathroom.

“Sure, no sweat, young lady. Take your time settling in,” Nick ordered. “The misses and I will be downstairs if you need anything.”

You shot him one last smile before he closed the door behind him, leaving you alone to unpack and send some quick pictures to Emily. She probably wouldn’t be all that jealous because she was currently cuddled on her couch with her extremely handsome boyfriend, but... she might still be interested to see where you’re staying.

Once you’d hung up all your clothes in the ornate wardrobe, you slipped out of your room and tiptoed downstairs. You weren’t sure why you felt like you had to tiptoe; probably because the house was so quiet and old.

You only had to search a few rooms before you found Nick and his wife, a very charming woman who introduced herself as Holly.

Nick and Holly.

Now you thought about it... Hadn’t those been the names of the two main characters in that corny movie your roommate had been watching?

...Huh. Interesting.

“Would you mind giving me some directions?” you asked, trying to push your strange realization out of your head.

“Of course, not!” Holly chuckled. “We’re only here to help, dear.”

“I’m looking for a bakery,” you explained, reaching into your back pocket to slip out the piece of paper with all the store’s information. “It’s called --”

“Song’s Sweet Escape,” Nick interrupted. “The only bakery in town.”

Oh, god, this place was smaller than you thought. They only had one bakery?

“You can drive if you’d like, but it’s a very nice walk if you can take the cold for about twenty minutes.”

“I brought my heavy coat, just in case,” you assured Nick with a somewhat awkward chuckle.

He provided you with walking directions (which were literally just ‘take a left and walk about a mile and boom you’re there’), and you were off as soon as you’d bundled up in your coat, hat, scarf, and gloves.

As you strolled down the sidewalk, you couldn’t help but notice how pretty this little town was. There were definitely a lot of spruce trees, so your curiosity about the town’s name was now satiated. The snow was incredibly white and powdery, nothing like the gray slush back in the city. The houses were all different but beautiful in their architecture, the facades decked out in festive decorations.

Okay, well, now you mentioned it... Every house seemed to be decked out in festive decorations. There were lights and garlands strung up on just about every available surface, public lampposts included.

And as you got farther into town, you saw all the shops and stores were decorated, too. There was even a town square with a very enormous Christmas tree.

This place looked like a scene out of a Christmas-themed picture book.

Or even one of those cheesy TV movies.

Wait, hadn’t you already thought about those cheesy movies once today?

Right, Nick and Holly. The names of your hosts and of the characters in the film your roommate had watched.

So... first, Nick and Holly. Now, a small town extravagantly decorated for Christmas?

It was obviously just a coincidence, but... it was still a little disconcerting.

You tried to shake the eerie feeling from your mind as you approached the bakery, Song’s Sweet Escape, not wanting anything clouding your mind when you met the owner for the first time. You were here on business, after all, so you wanted to remain professional.

The jingle of a bell announced your arrival as you opened the door, and the few customers already there glanced your way. They smiled, despite the fact you were a stranger, and you nodded politely in return.

“Welcome,” you heard a voice call out. “What can I do for you?”

Your eyes gazed around the attractive and picturesque, if not a little old-fashioned, bakery. The pastel blue walls with white paneling on the bottom half. The retro knick-knacks cluttering the shelves. The marble counters and rounded display cases filled with the most scrumptious-looking desserts you’d ever seen.

Eclairs, cupcakes, petit fours, tarts, pies - you name it.

And every single one of them looked and smelled absolutely drool-worthy.

Your eyes finally made it to the source of the voice, and you were a bit taken aback to see...

Well, an extremely good-looking man.

He was leaning against the display case from the other side of the counter, his smile dazzling and his eyes possessing a somewhat dreamy quality.

“Hi,” you breathed, trying to remember to remain professional. “I’m... looking for the owner?”

The man’s smile only grew before he held out his hand to you.

“Yunhyeong’s the name, baking is my game.”

...Hold the phone.

This guy was the owner?

Like, the actual owner of the bakery? This bakery? The one you were supposed to buy and take over?

Now, wait just a gol-darn, cotton-pickin’ minute.

First, Nick and Holly.

Second, a small town (named after a common Christmas tree, mind you) which was overly decorated for the holidays.

And now, a very attractive man who just so happened to own the bakery you were here to usurp and turn into a franchise?!

Had you not just joked about this with Emily YESTERDAY?

Was this... was this some kind of dream or something? It sure didn’t seem like one, but... if it wasn’t...

Then what the actual hell was going on?!

Part 2

Tagging my fellow Yunhyeong stans @zhangjingyou and @hahasunqwoonz as well as @cramelot to let them know this has been posted! Readers, let me know if you would like to be tagged so you know when the next part of this series is up! Thank you!

-Admin B

Master list // RULES // Submit a Request! // Read About the Admins

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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Archer Season 11: Inside Barry’s Return and the Robot Apocalypse

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

The following contains spoilers for Archer season 11 episode 4.

Archer season 11 has been a strong return to form and has, in many ways, reinvigorated the series. This new season largely revolves around the changes that have happened during Archer’s coma absence and whether he’s able to persevere through these transitions. Previous episodes have all examined how Archer’s return has effected those that are closest to him, but the season’s newest installment, “Robot Factory,” explores this from the perspective of Archer’s greatest rival, the robotic Barry.

“Robot Factory” might be the most satisfying episode of the season yet. It doesn’t just dig into Archer’s emotional evolution, but also threatens the world with a robot apocalypse and dozens of deadly threats that need to be extinguished. Yet somehow, maniacal metal menaces can still feel like business as usual for Archer. Casey Willis, Archer’s executive producer, continues to break down this season as he unpacks Cyril’s sugar backslide, what the future holds for Barry, and if Archer is still secretly in a coma (he’s not).

Archer Season 11 Episode 4 – “Robot Factory”

“Archer and the gang team up with Barry to stop an army of Barrys from turning the world into Barrys.”

Den of Geek: I’m honestly surprised that you guys have never really done an homage to Terminator before. Was this something you had been looking to do for a while, or a story that just kind of came together when breaking a new Barry narrative?

Casey Willis: We’ve touched on some Terminator aspects of Barry in the past. The “Edie’s Wedding” episode comes to mind. In this episode, we became enamored with the idea of the Barry factory and just kept having more and more fun with the idea. Barry being part of the team felt like a natural fit given what happened in season 7

Barry is definitely my favorite recurring character in the series and it was great to see the large role he had in Archer: 1999. Was it a priority to try to give some closure to that story this year?

Barry is a fantastic character and we are always happy when we can use him in a season. As with a lot of the characters this season, it was important for us to discover how Barry was affected by Archer’s coma and what had happened to him during the three years that passed. The last time we saw Barry in the real world was back in season 7, so we wanted to know what happened to him since then. Barry tells us that Archer helping him find his birth mother was a real turning point for him and the rest of the crew seems to really love him.

The whole candy bar gag with Cyril initially just feels like a fun joke, but it really culminates in the character backsliding and regressing in some major ways. Talk a little bit about that.

Cyril’s transformation throughout this season has been a fun thing to explore. Some of the changes, like his diet in this episode, have an easy visual component. It also harkens back to the “Blood Test” episode in Season 2 when we see Cyril eating candy in bed with Trinette. Later in the season we will explore even more changes with Cyril as he is one of the people most affected by Archer’s return.

During the whole valet subplot there’s still evidence that Pam understands Archer better than anyone else. Should we read this as more of the developing friendship between Archer and Pam this season?

Pam and Archer’s relationship has been something we’ve been exploring for the past few seasons. Seasons 8 and 9 really showed off their friendship and how they are kindred spirits. We also often refer to Pam as the best person on the show. She’s got a big heart and she wants to see all her friends be happy and healthy. We also think that besides Malory, she probably missed Archer the most over the past few years.

It’s a nice surprise to see Archer’s valet problem actually become a full plot in this episode. Was it always the plan from the start of the season for this to become a running storyline?

Yes, we had planned on the valet story being something that is sprinkled throughout the season. We are really excited for everyone to see the next episode as it deals a lot with the valet story. I don’t want to say much more as to not spoil anything, but there are some great surprises!

The final fight against the hordes of different Barrys is incredible and that giant mechanical spider Barry is a clear highlight. Were there any other absurd Barry designs that ultimately didn’t make the cut?

Oh yes! There were so many Barrys and we tried to sneak as many as we could into the episode. Shannon Manor and the Character Design team really went above and beyond. Some of the Barrys we specifically mentioned in the script (i.e. Chef Barry), but a lot of them were just the team having a lot of fun. We put a ton of the Barrys in, but I’m sure there are some on the cutting room floor.

Many of the Barrys became stationary because trying to draw animatable versions of all those Barrys would have been too difficult. However, even the animation team had some fun and managed to make Mime Barry pull himself along an invisible rope. It makes me laugh every time.

The ending of this episode and the bonding that Archer and Barry experience is really quite emotional. Was this always the ending that was in mind for this episode, or did you consider possibly making Barry evil or actually killing him off in the end for good?

CWe never entertained killing Barry off for good, he’s just too much fun to have around. We did want the emotional connection and we also wanted to hear H. Jon Benjamin sing in Spanish. So, it was a win-win.

There have already been several references through the season that this could all still be another one of Archer’s coma dreams. Are you hoping to have some audiences debate whether he’s still actually in a coma or not?

Our main goal with jokes like that are to explore Archer’s perspective on the events. So many of the situations the team gets into are unbelievable and are just as strange as Archer’s coma dreams. Plus, those coma dreams felt pretty real to him, so how can he ever be certain he’s not still dreaming? (He’s not.)

Reggie the lemur returns from a lengthy hiatus! The previous episode also returned to the glorious fake voicemail running joke and there have been more cutaway gags, too. Has there been a careful effort to try and revive some of the running jokes and elements from the earliest seasons to try and tie things closer to the spy seasons?

Like with a lot of ideas this season, our goal was to explore what the past few years have been like for the people in Archer’s life and how they deal with his return as well as how Archer deals with his reintroduction. Along the way we had many jokes and ideas that we were curious how they would evolve without Archer. Additionally, how do some jokes fair when Archer tries them again after three years, but the rest of the crew had already moved on.

Also, the Reggie idea was partially based on a childhood experience of a crab in an aquarium we had. One morning we noticed the crab was gone. We assumed a fish must have eaten it only to find it years later when we moved our TV (it was the 80’s and TV’s were giant and heavy). Behind the TV, the crab was perfectly preserved in the most menacing “claws out” pose you could imagine.

This Archer season 11 post-mortem will resume with the season’s eighth episode, its finale

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Archer season 11 airs Wednesdays at 10pm (ET) on FXX.

The post Archer Season 11: Inside Barry’s Return and the Robot Apocalypse appeared first on Den of Geek.

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silverdancer · 6 years

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2017: fic year in review

Crossposing from LJ since I seem to use this more now than that, even though I don’t use it for fic that much. It seems a good idea to have a backup I guess? :D

Here we go!

(say hi to the surprise players this year)

Wordcounts and Statistics

☆ Total number of stories worked on: 13 (3+8 drabbles for vixxmas+2 WIPS)

☆ Total number of completed stories: 11

☆ Fandoms written in: VIXX, Weki Meki

☆ Total (finished) word count: AO3 says 14631 words (299 words more than last year!)

☆ July

Great friends, a gas tank (and a piece of cake) (6k, hakyeon/hongbin)

☆ September

With your whole heart (5,4k, yoojung/doyeon)

when the lights go down (211, jaehwan/wonshik)

☆ December

magic is something you make (223, hakyeon/taekwoon)

it looks bigger on the inside (312, gen)

millions of roses (346, jaehwan/wonshik)

finding paradise (613, hakyeon/hongbin)

if puppies could talk (315, gen)

first attempt in learning (f. a. i. l.) (644, hakyeon/taekwoon)

look carefully (252, jaehwan/wonshik)

it's something we do (263, hakyeon/hongbin)

Overall

☆ Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? While currently I am a little disappointed (because I have a fic almost finished that it's resisting to end), looking back at my expectations at the beginning of the year, I definitely wrote more than I expected I know that wordwise is very similar and that I actually wrote less stories than last year, but the fics themselves are longer, so that's something that I'm very proud of.

☆ What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? For pairing, kenvi! I know that they are super boyfriends but I never expected that I'd write, or plot, fics not centered around Hakyeon.

But to be honest, while I love thinking about it and reading it, I never thought I would be writing WekiMeki fic either! So that was a very happy surprise too!

☆ What’s your own favorite story of the year? The one I didn't manage to finish. It's completely self indulgent.

Ironically, any of the ones that I wrote for vixxmas. All of them are parts of a bigger fic that I told someone at some point, so I was very excited to write even a little snippet of them, and I cherish them a lot.

☆ Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Aiming for bigger goals overall. I learned that it's possible, just that I need a little more time than what it would take the average writer. I'm still coming to terms with that, but every finished story gets me a little closer.

☆ Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year? Write more neo! Definitely! For how much I love them, I don't write about them as much?? And that can't be. Also keeping up with the lenght growth.

☆ My goals from last year were to write fic that wasn't for someone else (which I tried) and to write girl group fic (which I did!)

☆ From my past year of writing, what was…

★ My best story of this year

I think that Nbin roadtrip AU. It took me 6 months, but it's the first story that I actually edited and reread before posting it and I'm very very happy with the result.

★ My most popular story of this year Going by the numbers, Nbin roadtrip AU hands down. It has the best hits:kudos ratio, and the highest number of kudos, bookmarks AND comments. That doesn't mean that the dodaeng one did badly though!

★ Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion Difficult to say, because a handful of the stories were posted the same day I'm writing this, but probably the one where taekwoon and wonshik argue over who's puppy is cuter, because it's gen and no one reads gen.

★ Most fun story to write none because writing HURTS AND IT'S A PAIN AND Actually... all of them were very very fun to write. Of course, the crack ones on the vixxmas were specially done to be fun, but I also had lots of fun writing the nbin and dodaeng one, and the kenvi was a delight??? even if it was super short, it was great.

★ Story with the single sexiest moment The one with Wonshik going to see Jaehwan perform as Hamlet. Hands down. There's something about writing kisses, almost kisses, that I love and find super sexy, even more than actual kisses. The anticipation of the feeling, the electricity... perfect.

★ Most “Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story If something had to go in here, it would be the one with wonshik and taekwoon fighting because the title and description and everything but the tags is intentionally misleading.

★ Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters The dodaeng fic. I liked them but having to write about them meant knowing them on a different level, and that of course changed things.

★ Hardest story to write Nbin roadtrip AU, the editing part was a PAIN. But in the end it was worth it.

★ Biggest disappointment I am mostly disappointed on the fics that I couldn't write, or finish. Very. Because I was very set onto but life got in the way.

★ Biggest surprise The dodaeng, aka the second fic with more than 3k! I didn't think I would be able to do it, although I had hopes.

Highlights + Wrap-up

☆ Favourite Opening Lines (3) 1.

"Doyeon-ah, I'm going to get married."

Hakyeon has heard stories. Of magic going beyond the canvas, of figures getting out of their painting. Jaehwan told them all, that time they were displayed side by side, all those years ago.

Wonshik should have suspected something when Jaehwan had asked him to take pictures of his fake tattoo while they were filming the music video.

☆ Favourite Closing Lines (3)

Hongbin's only answer is to lean forward, and close the distance between them.

"Yeah," Yoojung agreed, "me too," sighing softly before kissing her again.

Hongbin learns about Hakyeon's birthday the first week of June.

☆ Favorite 5 Line(s) from Anywhere

(And what if for a moment he wished he was in that position again, feeling his lips hovering close, teasing. Until he finally leaned in. And what if he gasped, the memory of that kiss feeling too real. Of his hands sneaking under, of his quiet laugh against his neck)

He can almost hear Jaehwan's voice telling him to wait, wait until he's far away so there's less chance of getting caught, remembers the feeling of the cool sheets on his back and the way he was tickling his arm as he did, and laughs a little to himself, because Wonshik has never been good at being patient.

Now that he's facing the reality of wearing knives on his shoes he might be having second thoughts.

"I can enjoy nice things," he manages to retort, a second too late, "I just don't think that... thing can be called nice."

"What," Hongbin snaps. All of them are looking at him curiously from their seats, and Hongbin tries very hard to not blush. "You're staring," Sanghyuk says as he gets back to his seat after making sure he has his full attention, "again." "I wasn't staring," Hongbin denies. Wonshik stifles a laugh from the other side of the car at that and Hongbin squints at him.

And... that's it! If someone even read this, thank you for sticking around!! ♥

#fic year in review #meme #vixx

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itsclowreedsfault · 6 years

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2017 Writing Round-Up

Total year-long word count: 87,840 (holy fuck)

Word count by fandom:

Mystic Messenger » 6,830 Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle » 2,022 Bungou Stray Dogs » 1,862 Yuri!!! On Ice » 169 Boku no Hero Academia » 76,957

Fics completed: >1k words

mosaic » yoi, viktuuri, angst Untitled Drabble » mysme, zen/mc, fluff Untitled Drabble #2 » mysme, v/mc, fluff something more » mysme, juminv, fluff all our colors » bnha, todobaku, soulmate au Kitchen Disaster » bnha, todobaku, fluff Heroes » bnha, todobaku, hurt/comfort Shooting Stars » bnha, todobaku, fluff Your Hand in Mine » bnha, todobaku, angst Untitled Drabble #3 » bnha, todobaku, angst Untitled Drabble #4 » bnha, todobaku, fluff Untitled Drabble #5 » bnha, todobaku affection » bnha, todobaku, fluff

1k-5k

Kingdom of Words » mysme, saeran/mc, soulmate au a secret among the flowers » mysme, juminv, fantasy au Never Enough » trc, kurofai, angst Shatter » bsd, soukoku, angst Operation: TodoBaku? » bnha, todobaku Unravel » bnha, todobaku, fantasy au Baby, It’s Cold Outside » bnha, todobaku, fluff It Started With a Game » bnha, todobaku Just Listen » bnha, todokiri, hurt/comfort and I know you’ll have my back » bnha, todobaku, fantasy au When It Snows » bnha, todobaku, fluff Of Movie Nights and Smashed Bowls » bnha, todobaku, roommates/childhood friends au

5k-10k what really matters » bnha, todobaku, soulmate au The One I Want » bnha, bakukami

10k+

Silver Lining » bnha, todobaku, modern fantasy au Wandering Wolf » bnha, todobaku, fantasy au

Works-in-progress:

everything we (never) planned » bnha, todobaku, urban fantasy/fake dating au

This year I wrote and posted:

31 fics, 13 of which are drabbles (under 1k),15 one-shots, 1 completed multichapter, 1 wip (ongoing), and 1 wip (abandoned)

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted?

I wrote so much more than I even thought I could write, no kidding. I’m still thinking about that word count and crying.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?

Considering that in January I hadn’t even watched the anime/read the manga, BNHA! I never thought I’d get this invested in the series and more especifically, in TodoBaku (but I’m glad I did!).

What's your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest?

I will never stop being proud of Wandering Wolf. Writing it was a really comforting yet challenging experience, and it holds a special place in my heart.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

So many! Especially ever since I started writing TodoBaku, I started aiming for longer fics with a little more plot, instead of the moment-focused drabbles I was used to. It has helped me become more confident in going deeper into the character’s feelings, exploring how they react to different situations; it’s also been a challenge to figure out pacing and worldbuilding. Through many mistakes, I feel like I’m slowly learning to improve on those things.

I tried writing smut, something I had told myself I’d never attempt again lol And I feel like my attempts actually turned out half-decent, motivating me to keep trying to improve on that aspect of my writing.

I gave another try at multichapters, too, and managed to finish my first fic of that kind that was being posted as I wrote it, and not all chapters at once like I did for the AkaYona Big Bang last year. It was a journey that took months but I never felt more fulfilled than when I finally posted that last chapter.

Your best story of this year:

Wandering Wolf. I feel like my writing was at its best for this fic.

Your most popular story of this year:

what really matters (considering hits/kudos on AO3). I actually never expected this story to be so popular, especially because it was only my second try this year at writing something with an Explicit rating, but I’m glad people seem to enjoy it so much!

Story of yours most under-appreciated by the universe, in your opinion:

Huuh, I guess Shatter, my Soukoku fic. I’m really proud of that one but it barely got any attention (maybe because it’s the only story I’ve ever written for the BSD fandom lol).

Most fun story to write:

Operation: TodoBaku?. I had so much fun writing TodoBaku from the perspective of other Class 1-A students, as well as coming up with their shenanigans and trying to fit some humor into it :’)

Story with the single sexiest moment:

Silver Lining, when Bakugou is touching Todoroki’s wings for the first time. I just have a thing for characters with wings, okay.

Most "Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story:

I don’t... think there was anything like that? My stuff is pretty tame lol worst thing I wrote was MCD and there wasn’t even any detailed description of anything.

Story that shifted your own perceptions of the characters:

Hmm, Wandering Wolf, I think. I had to do a lot of thinking to fit the characters into the universe I created, and then make them develop as the story progressed - and that involved thinking a lot about Todoroki and Bakugou’s core traits and what makes them who they are regardless of canon.

Hardest story to write:

My current wip - everything we (never) planned. It’s hard to make my writing style work with the genre and it’s a more complicated plot than what I usually write, so that has been a challenge, too. I’m having fun with it though!

Biggest disappointment:

Your Hand in Mine. It wasn’t a disappointment as in I didn’t manage to convey what I wanted - the fic turned out exactly like I’d planned - but I just regretted ever writing it. I’ve even thought of deleting it multiple times, but decided not to.

Biggest surprise:

Silver Lining and Wandering Wolf! I was so excited with both AUs, and really afraid I wouldn’t be able to do them justice. But both stories developed so well and writing them was so much fun, I’m very proud of the finished works. And they were both extremely well received by my readers, which was the biggest surprise of all and made me incredibly happy.

Most unintentionally telling story:

Just Listen. The entire thing is me projecting myself onto Kirishima lmao

Favorite opening line(s):

“There's a myth about the forest that is hidden among the distant mountains.” - from Wandering Wolf

Favorite closing line(s):

“But the thing is - not everything about a myth is true, is it?” - from Wandering Wolf

Favorite 5 line(s) from anywhere:

This would get pretty long and coincidently I chose exactly 5 favorite lines for the favorite quotes prompt of Fic Writers Week so I’ll just link to that post here.

Top 5 scenes from anywhere you would choose to have illustrated:

» Bakugou holding Todoroki in the forest as he disappears, from Unravel. » Bakugou touching Todoroki’s wings for the first time, from Silver Lining. » Bakugou and Todoroki sitting side-by-side in the snow, from When It Snows. » Bakugou holding Todoroki’s hands to calm him down, from Chapter 4 of Wandering Wolf. » Chuuya playing the piano, from Shatter.

Fic-writing goals for next year:

Finish my current WIP and my ideas for BakuTodo Week. Do my best to write a great piece for a zine (!!) I got accepted into. I also have a rather ambitious project I want to work on that will involve mixing my writing with graphic design.

And this is more of a personal goal, though it’s still related to fic writing so I suppose it counts: stop obsessively comparing myself to others and hating myself and my writing whenever I don’t measure up to them. Stop depending on numbers so much. It’s something that’s been hindering me a lot these past few months to the point where I have to force myself to write because it’s almost like constant writer’s block.

Despite the ups and downs, I feel like this was an amazing writing year for me. I’m proud of what I achieved with my writing, and it has improved a lot even if I have a hard time believing that most of the time. I’m thankful for all the support I’ve gotten and for you lovely readers who always interact with me or my content in one way or another. Y’all are the real MVPs ❤

#long post #2017 writing round up #thais speaks

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girlonfilmmovies · 4 years

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The Top 25 Films of 2019

25: Shadow (dir. Zhang Yimou)

"Without the real, there can be no shadow. A principle no one's understood."

After a string of terrible films trying to play to Hollywood audiences, Zhang Yimou manages to successfully return to the goldmine he stuck in the early 2000s and craft another absolutely gorgeous wuxia. Here he swaps out the poetic, colorful beauty in favor of monochromatic, surprisingly violent tone poem about deceit. It ultimately works against it, as by the seventh or eighth double cross you kind of just give up trying to figure out who's on what side, but the main action setpiece is so wonderful it deserves a spot for that alone. Hopefully a good sign for Yimou's future, as long as we don't have another nationalist war epic that somehow inexplicably also has a white savior narrative too.

24: Climax (dir. Gaspar Noé)

"...something's kicking in..."

Noe takes us for another plunge into the dark, twisted, vomit-inducing, neon-lit hellscape that is his mind and at least has the common courtesy to put the pleasant parts upfront this time. While it will eventually devolve into the same type of chaos that we all love/hate from him, the first act is kind of a wonderful departure from him. He basically accidently makes a musical for a while, with wonderful and deeply intricate dance choreography as well as a fantastic extended sequence where every character jumps in and out of frame and gets a chance to strut their stuff. That movie would have been a strong top five contender, but alas, the man has his particular quirks that he must abide by. But at least he also strung together probably the best soundtrack and sound design of the year, with the fantastic EDM bangers rumbling through the walls throughout the entirety of the film.

23: Long Shot (dir. Jonathon Levine)

"Oohhh boooy!"

Charlize Theron and Seth Rogen doing a political comedy that manages to be both smart and extremely funny seems like a long shot indeed, but Johnathon Levine finally strikes gold again after a number of disappointing duds. He manages to make a pretty good story about how navigating the political minefield destroys what little hope and dreams high level politicians still manage to have, but then he also happens to make it all absolutely hilarious too. Theron demonstrates a surprisingly strong comic game too, easily matching all the other talent and cracking jokes along with them. It ends up being a charming romance where the woman takes charge in a very pleasant change of pace. And if nothing else, the way Seth Rogen yells "oh boy" in that video is always going to make me laugh no matter what.

22: 6 Underground (dir. Michael Bay)

"Ghosts have one power above all others: to haunt the living. Haunt them... for what they've done."

Theoretical question: what say Netflix gave Michael Bay a blank check and no restrictions, and he turned in the most overblown, dialed to eleven, nonsensical spectacle that he ever crafted and was allowed to put it into almost every American home for free? Now what if I told you that it was actually kind of awesome? Sure, it's basically a child playing with his $150 million dollar GI Joe set, smashing his toys together and making pew-pew sounds, but it's also probably the best testament to the power of conventional effects work over the increasing insistence on CGI for big setpieces. Let's face it: explosions are pretty cool, every one likes exotic locales and bright sports cars, and there's at least someone here to appeal to you (least surprisingly for me, it was Melanie Laurent with bangs wearing a suit). It almost reaches a late Michael Mann kind of abstraction, as both are respectively breaking apart the action movie into stranger combinations. Bay gives plot only because he contractually has to, and even then doesn't seem as committed to characterization as he is showcasing surprisingly brutal ways for the gang to dispatch their enemies. It's nonsense, but the damn best nonsense of the year.

21: Ip Man 4: The Finale (dir. Wilson Yip)

"Is that it?! Is this your Chinese Kung Fu?!"

The finale in the decade-long quadrilogy of supremely silly and borderline racist worship of China finally attempts to tackle America to delightfully amusing results. Scott Adkins doing his best evil R. Lee Ermey impression while slipping in modern neo-con punchlines, neverending Bruce Lee worship, and more nationalism and bad fake American accents than you could ever believe. Yet also a more bizarrely honest portrayal of racism in 1960s America than most movies would ever have the courage to acknowledge. It’s almost fascinating considering how a lot of the non-Asian racism basically serves as set dressing, but they still put more effort there than pretty much every Hollywood movie set in the 60s that isn’t directly about civil rights. But ultimately they're selling you a bill of goods saying "watch Ip Man beat the crap out of racist meatheads" and you better believe they're going to give you what you want.

20: Let It Snow (dir. Luke Snellin)

"Have you ever been with someone, and you stay up until like 4AM just talking about everything, and you're just like, I can't believe I get to exist at the same time as you?"

Okay, so let me explain myself on this one:

So yeah, it certainly is a generic teen romcom where everyone plays into basic teenage stereotypes, half the cast is clearly nowhere near eighteen, and all of the romance is oddly chaste. But there truly is something to be said about representation in a romcom, and after a thousand boring cis, straight, hetero couples falling in love for decades, this movie actually managed to hit a lot of notes that are at best rarely explored in the genre and also manages to probably sneak in some genuine firsts. While both the "tomboy/softboy" and "Latina struggling with her family" storylines have been done before, these are some nice, cute little iterations on those befitting a teen-friendly movie. But the Dorrie/Kerry story is not only legitimately groundbreaking, but also an absolutely perfect encapsulation of the types of problems that queer teenagers struggle with during that time of their lives. It's a queer romance, played by two actually not-straight people, with one of them being a nonbinary actor too. And it's not cordoned off into some bargain bin DIY indie that fell out the back of the truck on the way to an indie film festival; no, this is in a major holiday release, with well-known actors, and as one of the central storylines! Plus, it perfectly captures the woes of modern teen coming out, knowing that everything will probably still be cool, but the fear haunting you as all you can do is look jealously at someone who is out and proud. And it does it without being real shitty and horribly traumatic too. Eat your fucking heart out, Love, Simon!

19. John Wick: Chapter 3 -- Parabellum (dir. Chad Stahelski)

"Si vis pacem, para bellum!"

Another year, another John Wick movie. There's more plot; you don't care, and let's be honest, neither do I. Stahelski is here to serve up more badass characters and incredible action, and no one in Hollywood does it quite like him. It's got familiar action favorites demonstrating why they still remain supreme, with Yayan Ruhian, Cecep Arif Rahman, Tiger Chen, and the ever underrated Mark Dascascos. It's got surprising action showcases for Halle Berry, Lance Reddick, and somehow Boban Marjanović. It's got great character actors doing their thing, from the returning McShane and Fishburne to newcomers Saïd Taghmaoui and Anjelica Huston. It's got Asia Kate Dillon as an awesome nonbinary shadow organization asshole. It has a bewildering Jason Mantzoukas cameo. And above all else, it has Keanu Reeves, still demonstrating not only his incredible physical skill, but also how to perfectly utilize his particular acting style to create an iconic character.

18. Doctor Sleep (dir. Mike Flanagan)

"Man takes a drink. A drink takes the drink. And then the drink takes a man."

While not the most accurate adaption, it might be the only Stephen King adaptation that comes to mind that actually successfully channels what makes him such an appealing author. King's stories have an inherent corniness to them and for as much as you unsuccessfully try to cover that up (look to this year's The Outsider for a good example), it's where the true charm of his work shines. It's what makes this so fun, because as much as an epic, eldritch terror is exciting, it still doesn't have the goofy fun of a bunch of vampiric bohemian drifters led by a Stevie Knicks knockoff in a top hat breathing up souls. Plus, the epic three hour runtime actually allows Flanagan to at least try to cover all the more subtle serious characterizations of Danny Torrance, from his recurring alcoholism to him seeking closure with regards to his parents. It manages to actually make the final act's nostalgia play kind of work, or at the very least get the terrible memory of the Ready Player One version out of my head.

17. Her Smell (dir. Alex Ross Perry)

"I thought you were better than this, but deep down I knew you weren't."

Perry must have had some extra pent-up nastiness in him after having to restrain himself while writing Christopher Robin (by the way, that happened), because he really created one of the nastiest characters in cinema here. Her Smell is the equivalent of being locked in a room with the shittiest person you'll ever meet, as she constant lashes out at everyone and everything with the kind of delirium that the truly demented are cursed with. And credit to Elizabeth Moss where it's due: she really perfectly embodies such a horrible human being and proceeds beat you damn near to death with it during a majority of the runtime. Eventually it slows down and all of the problems become apparent once they script isn't flying by at a thousand words a minute. But Moss literally did her job so well that people fucking hate this movie because of her character, and if that isn't a testament to her acting talent than I don't know what is.

16. High Life (dir. Claire Denis)

"At 99% the speed of light, the entire sky converged before our eyes. This sensation, moving backwards even though we're moving forwards, getting further from what's getting nearer. Sometimes I just can't stand it."

Denis finally makes her English debut with what she does best: nauseatingly uncomfortable sexuality oozing from terrible people doing horrible things. In this case, she takes an innovative detour into sci-fi, setting up a decades-long story of human experimentation, murder, the horrors of space travel, and whatever unholy things are going on inside of the "Fuck Box". It has an appropriately dingy production design too; the clean retro-futurist spaceship design soon dissolves into a torn apart den of depravity, caked in a mixture of filth and dry blood. Pattinson once again manages to be likeable while also being extremely standoff-ish; only playing with his baby daughter do we seem to see him actually enjoy interacting with a human being. Kind of gets lost in the sauce near the end, but at least manages to land some surprising emotional notes considering the kind of horrors that they've shown up until then.

15. The Farewell (dir. Lulu Wang)

"Chinese people have saying: when people get cancer they die. It's not cancer that kills them, it's the fear."

Lulu Wang's followup to Posthumous is such a massive step up in talent it's not even funny. She manages to make such a wonderfully soulful and loving movie about impending death by utilizing near perfect comic timing to defuse a situation that threatens to stray too dark. Not to mention her point of view on modern China from a non state-sponsored eye actually captures a much more accurate shot of the country itself. It's almost as if an Edward Yang movie had set itself more modest expectations -- it's pleasant, goes down well, teaches you a couple of things about Chinese culture, and manages to do it all in only a hundred minutes. And Awkwafina manages to hold her own against far more experienced actors, even if you can tell her Mandarin is still a little spotty.

14. Uncut Gems (dir. Josh and Benny Safdie)

"I think you are the most annoying person I have ever met. I hate being with you, I hate looking at you... And if I had my way I would never see you again."

Adam Sandler's magnum opus performance -- there will never be another character that fully embraces every grating aspect of his style of acting and manages to weaponize them for two anxiety-inducing hours of hell. Sandler's Howard Ratner is an absolute sewer rat scumbag, an untrustworthy coward, and a perennial fuck-up of epic proportions. But he's still so charismatic and powerful on screen that you root for him every time he drives you further up the wall. And the Safdie brothers know how to keep him moving too, never letting the audience catch a breath of air for this movie-length panic attack as the odds stack further against Howard each minute. Whenever you see Sandler phoning in his comedies for fat checks, just remember this performance and how pretty much every awards committee completely ignored this film. No wonder he doesn't bother trying anymore.

13. The Last Black Man In San Francisco (dir. Joe Talbot)

"You don't get to hate it unless you love it."

A wonderfully evocative love letter to a changing city that is so full of life in every way, from the vibrant movement of the camerawork to the bombastic and powerful soundtrack blasting throughout. But it actually plays more like a New Orleans' funeral march, a melancholic chronicle of the original denizens of San Francisco even as the city warps into the caricature that it's slowly becoming. There is a definite feeling that the aggressive gentrification is unavoidable and even the love of the original quirky denizens can only stave off the metaphorical steamroller that paves over the past. It makes for a wonderful counterpoint to the previous year's Blindspotting: both about young black men dealing with gentrification in the Bay Area, but Blindspotting starts as a very angry comic satire that eventually ends on a note of hope and a will to survive the changing tide, whereas this begins as a joyous celebration of the city and ends on a heartbreaking resignation in the face of everything. Both come from respectively very different sides of San Fran culture, but it's rather interesting seeing each have such different approaches to the same topic.

12. The Standoff at Sparrow Creek (dir. Henry Dunham)

"How do we know it's not you?"

A simple "pressure cooker" scenario done to perfection: one empty warehouse, a bunch of hardened standoff-ish militia men, a missing gun, a ticking clock, and a whole lot of suspicious side eyes and probing questions. It helps that the gruff suspects are a perfect who's who of roughened character actors, all previously well-versed in playing suspicious people, and all of them hiding the kind of unspoken rage that makes a man secretly join an armed militia. All of this told with a nerve-wracking minimalism and style as weirdly detached from reality as some of these men are. One hell of a debut for Henry Dunham and hopefully a sign of good things to come.

11. Booksmart (dir. Olivia Wilde)

"How about we play a *rousing* round of J'ACCUSE!"

Profoundly silly and yet also so disarmingly sweet, Olivia Wilde whips a wildly stylized portrait of Gen Z high-schoolers and the many ways that they vastly differ from their older peers. Certainly much more welcoming and accepting of the diversity of teenagers than pretty much any other teen movies from the past, although they still poke fun at some particular brands of modern "wokeness" too. Stuffed to the brim with wonderfully weird characters, between the lovable catty theatre duo of George and Alan, the cringe-inducing desperate rich kid Jared, the endearingly dumb thirstball Theo, the dorky and blissfully unaware queer-bait Ryan, the effortlessly cool and extremely "top energy" Hope, and the absolutely batshit wildness that is Gigi. But mainly it serves as a vehicle for Devers and Feldstein, with both bouncing perfectly back and forth off each other in moments of comedy and drama. Feldstein always pulls off huge laughs pretty much every line and Devers sells a perfect amount of baby-gay awkwardness in one of the sweetest (and heartbreaking) queer romance stories in film. But above all else, it's just so damn fun and aware of what teenagers are actually like than most movies ever have been.

10. Luce (dir. Julius Onah)

*chuckles* "You really think I believe that stuff?"

One of the most wildly uncomfortable experiences in recent cinema history, but not due to any horrifyingly explicit graphic content being shoved in our faces. No, Onah and Lee created something much more discomforting: a constant challenging of all our biases and stereotypes, of us wanting to give chances and have faith in those that we trust. Kelvin Harrison Jr. delivers one of the best acting performances in recent memory because he's able to literally do everything; his Luce somehow manages to perfectly walk the tightrope required for a performance like his. With him behind it, Luce is such a charming, loving, likeable character but there's always just something that seems off about him. And even if Spencer's Wilson has a fixation on him that crosses all sorts of legal and moral boundaries, wouldn't we be cheering her on under different circumstances? In a way, she herself is trying to communicate a lesson about perception too, one that also mires in deep, troubling waters. Even if the film still feels very stage-y due to it's source material, the cold clinical aesthetic only further helps it make us squirm in our seats.

9. Violet Evergarden: Eternity and the Auto Memory Doll (dir. Haruka Fujita)

"Nobody wants a letter that cannot be delivered."

An absolutely magical experience that artistically excels over the original TV series it's based off of. The production is still as impressive as any other KyoAni work, but the composition and lighting in particular are outstanding, selling the social isolation of the first half and the childlike wonder of the second half. Beginning with a sublime Victorian romance in the first half, the story eventually morphs into a tribute to the workers of the world, the cogs in the machine. But in the context of the studio's recent history and the horrific arson attack that claimed 36 members of the studio, this instead comes off as a battlecry against the opposition against them. It's a story valuing those who are overlooked in the process of creation, a story about strong determined women, a story of a young girl defining her own future against society. KyoAni as a studio were most known for treating all their employees exceptionally as well as being a primarily female-led studio, both unfortunate exceptions in the industry as well as the target for a lot of unfair online hatred against them (and surely played some sort of role in why the arson attack happened to them specifically). To see the studio make their first post-attack work so proudly emblematic of what made them unique makes this so much more powerful than you would expect.

8. The Nightengale (dir. Jennifer Kent)

"You know what it's like to have a white fella take everything that you have, don't ya?"

The classic revenge fantasy narrative warped into a bleak, cynical portrait of racist cruelty in 1800s Tasmania. Jennifer Kent, improving leaps and bounds from the relatively straightforward Babadook, crafts a searing indictment of the foundations of colonialism and the misogynistic undercurrent of the barbarous society. It's a revenge movie where the vengeance is horrible and unsatisfying -- there's no crowd pleasing murderous money-shots, just brief moments of comeuppance in the face of everything in the world working against our two protagonists. Those who are squeamish should be aware that it is exceptionally graphic and grueling at times, although Kent does manage to keep up a very good pace for the two and a half hours of hell.

7. Transit (dir. Christian Petzold)

"They say that those who were left never forget. But it's not true. They have the sweet, sad songs. Pity is with them. Those who leave, no one is with them. They have no songs."

Hitchcock by way of Kafka -- a classic existential mystery told in a disorienting separate reality not quite like our own. It's a bold move to take a Holocaust set narrative and completely throw out the actual setting itself, but Petzold only enhances the weird themes of the story by taking it to a completely different but still very familiar time. This is a classic tale of becoming the person you say you are but really aren't -- then begging the question of what if you're not the only one also living a false identity. Buoyed by an excellent and very enigmatic lead performance from Franz Rogowski, who displays a tremendous skill for playing somebody so closed off but also very charismatic and watchable.

6. Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood (dir. Quentin Tarantino)

"When you come to the end of the line, with a buddy who is more than a brother and a little less than a wife, getting blind drunk together is really the only way to say farewell."

Tarantino trades in his B-movie worship and penchant for comical bloodbaths (well, for the most part) to make something I certainly didn't expect from him: a relaxed hangout movie about getting old and falling out of fashion. Exceptional production design whisks us away to the height of Hollywood and three different people all looking at their future careers in very different lights. Leo gets to stretch his wings in all sorts of silly fun ways and Brad Pitt finally lets go of the young superstar image and easily slips into his more natural "hot single dad" swagger, playing the most effortlessly cool character of his career. Tarantino sets aside time to look back on his own flaws as well and playfully reflects on his own particular ...quirks. Easily his best since his 90s prime and the first time in a long time I've felt the maturity that he showcased in Jackie Brown.

5. The Lighthouse (dir. Robert Eggers)

"Damn ye! Let Neptune strike ye dead Winslow! HAAARK!"

Hyper-masculine mania as told through a wonderful blend of dark comedy and cosmic horror and with some of the most lush black-and-white cinematography maybe ever in a film. Eggers' now trademark devotion to absolute accurate period detail in both visual design and dialogue greatly helps this reach transcendent heights. But it's truly the two performances of Dafoe and Pattinson that help it weave a perfect spiral of insanity that also manages to be so oddly fun. Never could there be any other paring of actors that would perfectly showcase these two dirty sea-dogs going stark raving mad at each other so well.

4. Midsommar (dir. Ari Aster)

"As Hårga takes, so Hårga also gives."

(Director's Cut) Every generation deserves their own paranoia-fueled pagan horrorshow, but Aster strikes a much deeper vein in his epic take on the classic territory The Wicker Man had previously claimed. The brutal rituals of the Hårga are only set dressing most of the time, with much more focus poured into the vile toxicity plaguing the relationship between students Dani and Christian. Reynor's Christian is such a perfect portrayal of a terrible influence -- he's charming, fun, and likeable when he's on your side, but the second anybody goes against him his seedy manipulation begins to seep into everything he says. Pugh continues her winning streak too, delivering a broken person desperately trying to put a smile on while falling apart on the inside as she realizes she truly is all alone in the world. While some might be disappointed by the lack of actual "terror" for a good chunk of the movie, Aster has found something much more likely to scar us than these friendly Swedish cultists.

3. Sunset (dir. László Nemes)

"The horror of the world hides behind these infinitely pretty things."

After striking gold with Son of Saul, Laszlo Nemes takes a hard turn into a very different genre but manages to create a wonderfully unique spin on classic detective noir. His signature camerawork powers this yarn, successfully taking the claustrophobic eye of Saul and using it to give a truly immersive sense of place in the tumultuous world of 1913 Budapest, where danger is simmering under the surface and ready to boil over at any moment. After all, noir is always about the eye of the detective, so Nemes' style takes it to a literal degree where everything outside of Irisz' field of vision is incomprehensible. We catch the same shady sideways glances and hushed whispers at the same time she does too. The plotting, like all noir tales, gets a little too complex for its own good, although it's less because of double-crossing and deceit and more from the story slowly dropping its connection to reality to function on a far more allegorical level. But as far as immersive, experiential cinema goes, not even 1917 can stack up to this film's highs, as the enraged lower-class populace eventually comes for the heads of the bourgeoise and Irisz suddenly realizes she is in the very wrong place at the very wrong time.

2. Portrait of a Lady on Fire (dir. Céline Sciamma)

"Do all lovers feel they're inventing something?"

An absolutely breathtaking portrait (hehe) of yearning and love, so astonishingly romantic and actually aware of what will make a woman swoon. Every technical aspect is perfect, from the gorgeous locale to the lovely windswept dresses to the soft, classical cinematography. But the true magic comes from Merlant and Haenel perfectly delivering every line of Sciamma's wonderous script. Those two have a sexual tension strong enough to burn down the theater, as their shy glances turn into deep longing stares and both their steely professional reserves give way to poorly suppressed joy at just being able to be with the other. Even their initial terse dialogue melts into pure romantic splendor, as they lovingly catalog all the little gestures the other does when flustered. Their connection during filming was powerful enough to fuel rumors around the two in the press and is currently providing the desire for every thirsty lesbian who finishes this to immediately pull up videos from the press tour and hunt for those same things between the actors themselves. And trust me, they are there.

1. Parasite (dir. Bong Joon-ho)

"Not 'rich but still nice.' Nice because she's rich, you know? Hell, if I had all this money, I'd be nice too!"

Very rarely does a film come along that actually warrants to be described as "perfect", as in one that literally generates no critiques in any way even if I was forced to pick something at gunpoint to complain about. But Parasite truly does every single thing right. Even Bong's tonal whiplash style, which does grate on me at times, somehow fits perfectly here as the schemes become increasingly madcap and the increasing sense that this will all come crashing down horribly mounts ever higher. Until then, it's an absolute joy to watch in every way, as Bong stacks the card deck higher and all the characters dive further into the sewer for their own benefit. The midpoint pivot works wonderfully too, as it goes to show that literally every person is getting played in the world of Parasite. It's massive success is only surprising to those who haven't seen it: it's the perfect movie for the era it came out in and may as well be the watershed moment for a new age of cinema where Hollywood finally admits that it's not the king of the world anymore.

#top 25 #2019 in film #parasite #portrait of a lady on fire #sunset #midsommar #lighthouse #fuck capitalism

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 7 years

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Double Review: The Mummy 1999/The Mummy Returns

Since I saw The Mummy recently, I decided to look at the last reimagining of the classic monster movies, The Mummy (The Brendan Fraser one). These ones are pretty well-remembered and well-liked, and there’s a good reason for that; they’re fun, pulpy Indiana Jones-style adventure movies with plenty of jokes, action, and excitement. As someone who loves pulpy Indiana Jones-style adventure movies, these definitely appeal to me. Still, as much as nostalgia has made these films into memorable modern classics, they definitely have some problems that I feel nostalgia has blinded people too. And so, here today, I have come to talk about The Mummy and its sequel, The Mummy Returns.

What is this series bringing to the table? The series begins in the 1920s, where archaologist Evelyn Carnahan and her brother team together with former legionnaire Rick O’Connell to find the lost City of the Dead: Hamunaptra. Upon finding the city, they inadvertently unleash an ancient evil known as Imhotep, a man who was cursed with immortality and mummified for his blasphemous acts in ancient times. Over the span of the first film, they work to defeat him before he can use Evelyn as the vessel to resurrect his long-dead lover; in the sequel, they must stop him from fighting and killing the Scorpion King, another ancient being who made a deal with Anubis and commanded his armies. If Imohtep can kill him, he will gain control over the most powerful army in the world.

The first film, The Mummy, is a very strong if somewhat cheesy film. It’s got the Indiana Jones vibe down pat, with good comedy combined with pulpy action and plenty of thrills and likable protagonists, including our lovable rogue Rick, who is likely Brendan Fraser’s strongest performance ever (with apologies to George of the Jungle). The antagonists too are entertaining; cowardly jackass Beni is hilariously pathetic and pitiful, and big bad Imohtep is a surprisingly tragic and complex villain for this kind of movie. Arnold Vosloo’s performance definitely helps cement him as one of the coolest cinematic villains ever, and the early CGI only serves to enhance his creepiness with how unnatural and corroded he looks. Then we have the incredibly handsome and incredibly badass Ardeth Bay, who manages to take on a room full of mummies alone and survive somehow. He was originally slated to die, but he was so cool the director changed his mind.

The sets look pretty good… the CGI, though… It’s kind of easy to be forgiving since this movie came out in 1999, but then you remember that Terminator 2 and Jurassic Park exist and you just kind of sigh and shake your head. Still, as fake as some of the effects look, the movie is still impressive as a spectacle, and the movie has good pacing so you’re having far too much fun to care about that. That’s another shocker; this film is paced quite well, with about an hour of solid buildup before Imohtep rises from the grave. It’s a very slow and suspenseful build to his release, which makes it all the cooler.

You know what isn’t cool, though? How inaccurate a lot of this film is. From showing the Pyramids of Giza and the Sphinx near Thebes in the opening to the fact Hamunaptra is actually a real place in India to the ignorance of the true final plague of Egypt (which is the death of all firstborn sons of Egypt, not the plague of boils), there are a lot of geographical, mythological, and historical fuck ups in this movie. The plague thing is actually the biggest ones, since it was the Hebrew god who sent the plagues upon Egypt, making it very strange that a cursed Egyptian man would be using them. Thankfully the movie runs so much on coolness and charm that it’s easy to let this slide, but still. With such a rich mythology and country before you, there’s really no need to pull shit out of your ass like this.

Still, as far as cheesy action adventure films go, this one is very solid, and I’d rank it alongside films like the Indiana Jones movies and National Treasure in terms of enjoyable, pulpy, archaeological fun. Despite its flaws, it’s very easy to see why The Mummy is so well-loved these days.

Next we have The Mummy Returns, and boy is this one stuffed sequel! I’d compare it to Dead Man’s Chest in terms of how bloated and over-the-top it is, and I mostly mean that in a good way. This is a pretty fun, action-packed film, though this does come at the cost of a few things, most notably pacing. Instead of a slow buildup to the big plot, we get tossed into action almost right off the bat, though we at least get some warming up and reestablishment of the characters from the first film as well as an introduction to Rick and Evey’s young son. Yeah, that’s right, this one takes place in the FUTURE! …of 1933. Not too much time has passed since the first one. Anyway, the pacing isn’t so much a problem, as we already know most of these characters, allowing you to toss them into the situation and watch how they react and play off of each other. The problem with this action-packed fast-paced plot is that it ends up leading to a lot of spectacle, but not ones you’d like to see. Imohtep doesn’t do nearly as much as the first movie, and in fact one of his biggest scenes – in which he creates a wall of water to crush the heroes – is a rehash of the sandstorm scene of the first film. And when we finally get to the thing the movie has been building up to – an awesome showdown between Imohtep and his god-like powers and the equally powerful half-man half-arachnid Scorpion King – Imohtep is stripped of all power and becomes a mortal. This is such an absolutely wasted opportunity that it kind of stings, even if the final confrontation has some cool moments mixed in with some absolutely cheesy ones.

Since we’re on the subject of cheesiness and the final battle, let’s talk about the Scorpion King. He appears twice in the film: once during the prologue, where he is played by Dwayne Johnson in his big breakthrough into film. He’s pretty cool here, badass too… but this apparently conflicts with his heroic portrayal in The Scorpion King spinoff movie, where he is a traditionally heroic character. This would be a problem I’d discuss normally, but I only bring it up to point out that Word of God is that this is merely a descendant of Mathayus (which is the heroic Scorpion King’s name). So yeah, no problem there. The REAL problem comes from the fact this cool character played by a cool actor who got huge billing is really only in this one short prologue at the beginning and gets five minutes of screentime, and that may be being generous. But he appears in the final battle right? Yes and no. While a monstrous scorpion/human hybrid that looks like Dwayne Johnson appears, it is not the man himself, but a creation of the most unsettling, uncomfortably real early 2000s CGI you will ever see. The Scorpion King of the finale is an absolutely ridiculous nosedive into the uncanny valley, and squanders the big name they got. This final battle is just one disappointment after another, huh?

In a lot of ways, this film reminds me of A Nightmare on Elm Street 4, in that it seems more concerned in being a special effects spectacle than being a great sequel. To its credit, though, despite definitely being a spectacle film, it’s actually still pretty good. The armies of Anubis especially are a badass sight to behold, and it’s a shame they aren’t around much either. There’s also the sinking of the Scorpion King’s oasis at the end, which is like the ending of Jumanji when everything is sucked back into the board on a grander scale (pretty amusing, since the temple was that of Johnson’s character, and he is now starring in a Jumanji continuation). Overall, it’s pretty good spectacle, even if the special effects are not quite as impressive as the first film’s to the point of being distracting at times; again, this is most prominent with the entire final battle.

But speaking of Anubis… hoo boy. The first film had some minor mythological miscalculations, but THIS movie just straight fucked mythology up the ass. And they did it from the very opening of the movie! The problems begin with the concept of selling your soul to Anubis. Let me walk you through the reasons why this entire plot is bullshit from the get-go:

1. The entire concept of selling your soul is a Christian folklore concept. No, not even a main Christian concept; Satan is not the ruler of the damned in the Bible.

2. All deceased are destined to meet Anubis, so the Scorpion King selling his soul is just nonsensical for Anubis to accept, because he’d get the Scorpion King’s soul regardless of whether he lived or died. And the Scorpion King was making this deal to avoid death. There’s a huge conflict of interests here.

3. The biggest problem is this: Anubis is not an evil god. Anubis in this movie is very much the same as every depiction of Hades in every movie about Greek mythology: because he is dark and rules over the dead in a way, clearly he’s evil! In reality, Anubis is one of the good gods; a true god of evil in Egyptian mythology would be Set, or even the serpent Apophis. In fact, criticize The Mummy of 2017 all you want, but it was actually mythologically accurate in that regard, as Ahmanet in that movie makes a deal with Set to overthrow the pharaoh. It’s actually a much more sensible deal, it makes more sense mythologically, and Set is actually getting some personal gratification there as he himself overthrew and usurped his brother Osiris.

So yes, the entire basis for this plot is mythologically bullshit. Maybe this all would be easy to accept like some examples of Hades like the ones in Disney’s Hercules and Kid Icarus: Uprising if Anubis actually showed up and had some sort of screen presence, but no, he’s just a vague shadow hanging over the movie who never once appears. This was such an easily solvable problem, I’m not sure why they didn’t have him show up if only for one scene.

Still, I can’t say the movie is totally bad or unenjoyable or anything. It’s fun and solid action, and while Imohtep is not used as well as the first, by the film’s end you’ll feel really bad for him if you didn’t already. This film cements him as a tragic villain, and if for nothing else I enjoy it for that. If I’d say one other thing was truly great, it’s Brendan Fraser’s acting during Evelyn’s temporary death scene, a showcase of his often underutilized acting chops.

All things considered, when it comes right down to it, the first movie is definitely the better film. It has more solid pacing, better humor, Imohtep at his best, and a very solid story. Still, the second film is a fun ride, and not really bad so much as a bit overstuffed with special effects and really weird choices. Still, I definitely recommend both films heartily, as they are both fun fantasy adventures in the vein of the Indiana Jones films, and the world definitely needs more movies like that.

Shame there were never any sequels to this. Oh sure, there was the Scorpion King spinoff prequel film, but that’s it. They never made a third one. What a sad state of affairs that is. So much potential for more stories. But can you imagine making a third film without Oded Fehr. Arnold Vosloo, or Rachel Weisz, and just had really shitty CGI and a horribly underutilized villain? That would suck, right? I’m glad they never did that.

#Review #Movie review #Double Review #The Mummy #The Mummy Returns #Brendan Fraser #The Mummy 1999 #action #adventure #mummy

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fapangel · 7 years

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199 chars, I got cites. I'll stick to actions and militia/cult behavior. The sniper attack on power station citation is you missing my point. Antifa has no weapon stockpiles or military training. The groups law enforcement see as a threat are the militias: "Law Enforcement Assessment of the Violent Extremist Threat". PBS: "armed militia groups surging across nation" Cult stuff: Business Insider:"right-wing-militias-recruit-young-soldiers-on-4chan-2017-5" psychologytoday:"the mind the militias".

Firstoff, pastebin.com is definitely the go-to for things like this -there’s no way anyone can make a cohesive argument in that tiny askbox. Just say “pastebin: and it’ll get you past that “no URLs”filter tumblr imposes. But I can answer these points/sources here:

Have you heard of the John Brown club? They’rean antifa group - the usual insane anarchists - and they’re showingup at protests carrying loaded weapons. The Phoenix group inthat article made a video of themselves doingrange practice. I believe that qualifies as training, youknow, with those weapons you say they don’t have.What fucking training do you think the right-wingmilitias have besides target shooting and playing paintball in thewoods? In other words, exactly what these people are doing?

And what the fuck do you mean stockpiles? Bro,I don’t know if you’re aware, but we live in America - you know,that free country? If you want a gun, are over 21,and don’t have a felony conviction on your record, you can walkinto any store, do 5 minutes of paperwork, wait for them to call theFBI background-check database and walk out with a new long gun. It’sthat fuckin simple. And they’re not that expensive either, you canget a decentAR-15 pattern rifle for under $500, easily. Same for ammo -you can easily buy bulk, online. The only state where both of thoseare harder is California, and I imagine that suits the huge mobs ofclub-armed antifa cunts just fine, because semi-auto firearms with large reloadable magazines are the best way to counter thugs that badly outnumber you. Stockpiles? That crazy fuck that shot the hell out of a US Representative and two Capitol police officers was using an SKS, a fucking WWII era Soviet rifle that loads from the top with fucking stripper clips. And look how much damage he did - it’s only pure dumb luck that nobody was killed or mortally wounded.

... stockpiles? Just how much do you know about guns? Here’s what I found in literally five goddamned seconds on ammoseek.com - you got $290, a credit card, and a shipping address? There you go, a thousand goddamned rounds of .223 Remington. Want two thousand? Three? Change the number in the “quantity” box.

Stockpiles?

Anyway, I’m not surprised that PBS and pals are back at their fake news, doing their damnedest to gin up right-wing militias as the real threat even as they reply to attack after violent attack by radical Islamists with hey - not all Muslims! Yes, that is the trend; witness this Atlantic article trying to justify it. But that’s beside the point. For starters, if you haven’t read my 6,500 word post on left wing vs right wing violence and violent rhetoric, I go into some depth with the whole militia thing there. For all their LARPing in the woods, swaggering and shit-talking, there hasn’t been any significant violence committed by right-wing militias since... forever, considering that Timothy McVeigh was never really part of one - and his attack was twenty-two years ago. Moreover, I cover how his attack - and the attention it drew to the militia movement - sent anywhere from “2/3rds” to “80%” (according to two different militia-affiliated folks being interviewed) scrambling away from them at high speed. Protip - actual terrorist organizations tend to attract attention when they manage huge, spectacular attacks - you know, like how Black Lives Matter is still going strong after multiple ambush attacks on cops? Gee.

And that brings us to the essential point - if these militias are really dangerous, and not just a bunch of shit-talking LARPers playing soldier in the woods - then where’s the violence? Again, as I document in that post, the only “cells” they find are a few shitheads talking shit in a bar too close to an FBI informant that eggs them on - one of them even gave them free automatic rifles to shoot, to get them all excited.

As for this study, it’s a start, but this paper freely and breezily equates “anti-government extremism” with “right-wing extremism,” and that’s a false equivalency - because Antifa are anarcho-communists. Just read their handy-dandy guide to setting up an antifa group, where they call the state their enemy multiple times - as well as cops. Shit, they have a whole section on “state repression.” Also note the bit under “political orientation,” where they openly state - in case there was any doubt - that the majority of their membership in the US are anarchists. In case you weren’t aware, anarchists are, by definition, anti-government extremists. The list on page 4 covers “anti-capitalist violent extremism,” but considering that antifa are anarchists and anti-capitalists - where do they fall in the reporting? Did every agency report them the same? In light of antifa’s own literature (again, that guide) advocating strongly that they not even name their groups and keep their identities secret as long as possible, how accurate is each agencies accounting? Hell, where do right-wing terrorist groups fall on this scale, considering there’s several anti-immigration militias that focus on finding and reporting illegal immigrants? Doesn’t that qualify as racist? Or are they anti-government, considering that anti-government sentiments tend to run pretty strong in groups like that, especially with a black Democrat in office who personally did as much as he could to hamper border control efforts?

Shit, by their own admission on page 4, they defined “Al-Qaeda inspired violent extremism” as “violent extremism inspired by the radical Islamist ideas advocated by al-Qaeda and other like-minded extremist groups,” and every other category with one general example; “violent extremism motivated by any other political, social, or religious concerns, including, but not limited to, anti-government, racist, radical, environmentalist, or anti-capitalist views. Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh, the Unabomber (Ted Kaczynski,) and the Sikh temple shooter, Wade Michael Page, are examples of ‘other violent extremists.” So they only define one category well, loosely define the others, and then they start standing around characterizing the results with terminology (right wing, left wing) they didn’t even use in the fucking survey? When all those other categories were lumped together into “other violent extremism” in other categories?

And then there’s other data-sets - one just adds up every every crime committed by “groups or individuals with far-right associations,” (which would include every skinhead robbing a gas station, which they do a lot, because skinheads are dime-store hoods almost by definition,) and the well defined report - focusing on premeditated plots by individuals or groups that rise to the level of attempted or actual domestic terrorism,” has a whopping total of... 34 incidents listed in 14 years, and is published by the Anti-Defamation League, which is a fucking activist group, not academics, or law enforcement. Wew lad. The Global Terrorism database is better - more data, and a good definition of qualifying incidents - but it’s only being compared to Islamic extremist terrorist attacks in the US, not left wing domestic terrorism, which is what we’re discussing here.

Bruh, this is some pretty rough shit, here - all twelve pages of it. Especially that bit at the end where they make a claim about how law enforcement agencies see “right wing terrorism” (a phrase used nowhere in their survey to said law enforcement agencies) as a bigger threat in the city than in rural areas. Yeah, dense urban areas, which overwhelmingly vote Democrat, as anyone who’s seen a county-by-county electoral map can tell you, are the hotbeds of right-wing militias?

Bruh. Bruh.

But, listen, you’re actually doing your fucking homework here, which is more than most assholes can say, so lemme help you. The FBI is a great resource here - not only do they publicly publish huge annual reports on all sorts of categories of violence, (law enforcement officers killed and assaulted, general crime stats, hate crime stats, etc,) but they watch fucking everyone. There is no group too big or too small for them to not worry about - they’re basically a domestic surveillance agency. That’s why you have agents going out of their way to hand out automatic rifles to a trio of knuckle-dragging rednecks to egg them on till they can arrest them - these guys have time and resources to spare, apparently. They watch everyone - and they cover them, too, with published reports. I’ve read their reports on motorcycle gangs, and in researching that big post on violence, I found (and used) their public information on the “Sovereign Citizen” movement, which is definitely right-wing. While we’re at it, here’s their page on anarchist extremism. Note that page is out of date, though:

For today’s generation of American anarchist extremists, the rioting that disrupted the 1999 World Trade Organization meetings in Seattle is the standard by which they measure “success”—it resulted in millions of dollars in property damage and economic loss and injuries to hundreds of law enforcement officers and bystanders. But fortunately, they haven’t been able to duplicate what happened in Seattle…

LOL HAMBURG. But you get my point - the FBI watches everyone, even esoteric groups like anti/pro abortion “activists” that get a little out of hand. So the FBI is an excellent primary source to go to - certainly better than another PBS hit piece which is also regurgitating data from the “Anti-Defamation League” and making claims of “thousands” of people flooding to the Sovereign Citizen movement, without citing any source at all. Especially when they started in on how dangerous sovereign citizens are! As I noted in my big effortpost (see that for the links,) Sovereign Citizens managed to kill six police officers since the year 2000 - but twenty officers have been ambushed and murdered in 2016 alone, with multiple attacks committed by black people acting on black separatist/revolutionary rhetoric, including the Dallas shooting (killing five and wounding nine) and the Baton Rouge shooting nobody seems to have heard about (killing three and wounding three.) The latest ambush murder of a police officer in New York was similarly motivated - I haven’t even counted the ambush killings of cops in 2017 yet. But yeah, man, the fuckin right wing millitias are the real threat! Hooooo boy, how fucking hard can they shill?

Anyway, here’s the FBI’s resources page, complete with all their copious reports in .pdf format, including several on terrorism related topics. I’ll bet $5 you can make a better argument than fuckin PBS with just what you find here. I’d also track down the sources cited in that 12 page “paper” you linked and read them yourself, see what you can get out of them. That should be a good start, at least.

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