#anakins sort of losing his mind | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hanasnx · 4 months

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MINORS DNI 18+

MODERN!ANAKIN SKYWALKER who's got a bit of a situationship with you. It's not like him, he's very new to it all and its rules, which means some key details get lost in translation with him. For most, the "talking" stage consists of the ability to still see other people during, keeping your options open so to speak. For Anakin, he expects a sort of unspoken faithfulness he had no reason to define until now.

Now, as he stares at two words. "she's busy." A text he's been deliberating over for an inappropriate amount of time. What could possess another person to answer your texts for you? A glance to your contact name confirms it, just in case he was losing his mind. He kinda wishes he was. He taps your name, and calls you. Three rings. An answer on the other line, that is most certainly not you, invades his ears.

"Yo," the deep voice says and Anakin doesn't say a word as he hangs up. Without a second thought, he pulls up your Snap Map which you've stupidly left on. You do that a lot. Sometimes he checks on you only to see what you're up to. Some days he watches your little Bitmoji happy on it's map at that little cafe you like, and he calls you to see if you'll tell him the truth of where you are.

He gets in his car, and tracks you down.

His fingers drum against the steering wheel, just like his fist drums against the front door when he gets there. It shakes the whole fucking house. He takes a step back, resting his hands on his hips, and his tongue forms over his upper lip.

The door opens, and he comes face to face with the guy he presumes texted him, and answered the phone. This is his place. "Can I help you?" he questions with an attitude Anakin doesn't fucking care for at all.

"I don't wanna talk to you, I wanna talk to her." Blunt as ever, Anakin comes off as unstable to your companion, who obviously bucks up in your defense.

"The fuck? No. What do you think this is?" he responds, and the escalation of raising voices causes you to recognize who your friend is talking to. So you come downstairs, and see that familiar head of golden curly hair.

"Anakin?" you question in disbelief, slowing your descent down the stairs. At your arrival, Anakin's attention completely shifts onto you.

"Hey." He nods up. "We need to talk." His finger points to the space in front of him, as if calling you over like a dog. Oddly and subconsciously compelled, you make your way closer to him. Your friend's arm rests on the door frame, cutting in between you two. Apparently he didn’t want Anakin slipping inside. You only notice how much taller he is compared to your friend. If he wanted to, he’d put him on his ass with a well-placed one-handed push. You try not to think about that now as you approach, standing directly behind your friend’s elbow.

“What the hell are you doing here?” At the end of your sentence, Anakin’s massive hand snatches your upper arm, and your friend goes to separate the two of you with a commotion of “woah, woah!” You appease him, tell him it’s alright, that you’ve gotta take care of this, and allow yourself to be drawn away from the door step and closer to the street.

Once he has you where he wants you, he releases you, and you jostle from the loss of support. That hand wipes down his face, the most irritable you’ve ever seen him, and he gestures to you as he steps closer, “If you’re pulling this shit, let’s just call it.” he tells you, dismissing entirely the existence of the man who owns this house.

The crease in your brows deepen. “I don’t know what you’re talking about—“

“You do, and if I’m competing with other guys I don’t want any fucking part in it.” The towering figure before you stoops to get eye level with you, “Either get smart or fuck off, alright?” You hate to say that his low voice sends shivers down your spine.

His direct ultimatum makes you indignantly blink at him, taken aback at his sheer tenacity as you weigh out the options. He doesn’t give you enough time, scoffing at you, and turning his back on you. As if he could be so bold as to expect to be the only one you’re talking to, expect to treat you this way.

And yet, somehow, you end up back at his place. Impossibly fat cock driving into your insides as he picks you up by your hips into his thrusts. Knelt onto the bed, he rocks forward, while your cervix is getting bruised into submission. You squirm, arching your back off the bed with your pretty legs stuck straight into the air. “Who’s fucking pussy is this, huh? Who’s fucking pussy is this?” Skin smacks skin, harder than before. His tongue forms over his upper lip, brows pinched in focus as he fucks you like he means to beat you into the shape of his dick.

You don’t even hesitate. “Yours!” You whimper. “Yours, Ani, all yours.” You’re lifted almost entirely off the mattress, he straps his hands over your thighs to keep your ass pinned to his abs that sheen with sweat. Cunt stuffed to the brim as he relentlessly bullies it, creating an empty fucking vacuum that screams at you every time he pulls out. You really are fucking obsessed with this entitled behemoth of a man and what he can do to your body in a few strokes.

“That’s fucking right, baby, and don’t you forget it.”

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phoenixyfriend · 4 months

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One of the extra fun things about Rexwalker will ALWAYS be that they are sort of raising Ahsoka together before they start dating.

And the second Anakin learns about Mandalorian wedding vows is the second be starts losing his mind daydreaming about how he's married to Rex already in spirit, which may in fact STILL BE before they start dating.

Ahsoka doesn't consider them her dads. Anakin's her brother and Rex is her bestie.

Rex is technically younger than Ahsoka and mostly just thinks of her as a kid sister.

Anakin thinks they are raising a child together and it is the most domestic romance possible, he is FANTASIZING.

It's great.

None of the other Jedi/Clone relationships come with this specific brand of Already Fulfilling Part Of The Mando Marriage, everyone is either too competently raising their padawan to rely as heavily on their second as Anakin does, or they just don't have a padawan.

#star wars #the clone wars #rexwalker #captain rex #anakin skywalker #phoenix talks #ahsoka tano

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david-talks-sw · 11 months

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More George Lucas debunking misconceptions about the Prequel Jedi:

"Anakin killed the Jedi in retaliation. They failed him, betrayed him and didn't allow him to have a relationship, so he killed them all."

"[In Revenge of the Sith] The controversy is going to be that people expect some horrible, horrific thing to happen to [Anakin] that caused him to [become Darth Vader]. It's much subtler. It's something that everybody faces— when you're looking at yourself, you can see your good and your bad, and say, "Is this a selfish choice or is this a compassionate choice? And once I get something, what would I do to keep from losing it? Would I make a pact with the devil to keep it?" - Entertainment Weekly #785, 2004

"… some of the people had a hard time with the reason that Anakin goes bad. [...] They wanted a real betrayal, such as, "You tried to kill me so now I'm going to try and kill you." They didn't seem to understand the fact that Anakin is simply greedy. There is no revenge." - The Making of Revenge of The Sith, page 188

"The rest of the Jedi have dogmatically forgotten how to love out of fear of having attachments, Qui-Gon is the only one who knows that you can love people selflessly, without getting possessive."

"The fact that everything must change and that things come and go through his life and that he can't hold onto things, which is a basic Jedi philosophy that he isn't willing to accept emotionally and the reason that is because he was raised by his mother rather than the Jedi. If he'd have been taken in his first year and started to study to be a Jedi, he wouldn't have this particular connection as strong as it is and he'd have been trained to love people but not to become attached to them. But he has become attached to his mother and he will become attached to Padmé and these things are, for a Jedi, who needs to have a clear mind and not be influenced by threats to their attachments, a dangerous situation." - Attack of the Clones, Director’s Commentary, 2002

"Obviously, it’s a progression. But in [Attack of the Clones], you begin to see that he has a fear of losing things, fear of losing his mother. And as a result, he wants to begin to control things, he wants to become more powerful. And these are not Jedi traits. And part of this is because he started to be trained so late in life, that he had already formed these attachments. And for a Jedi, attachment is forbidden. You can love people, but you have to love them unconditionally, in terms that you can’t hold on to them." - CNN, “Countdown to the Clones”, 2002

"The Jedi are trained to let go. They're trained from birth. They’re not supposed to form attachments. They can love people - in fact, they should love everybody. They should love their enemies; they should love the Sith. But they can't form attachments. So what all these movies are about is: greed. Greed is a source of pain and suffering for everybody. And the ultimate state of greed is the desire to cheat death." - The Making of Revenge of The Sith, page 213

"Ultimately for a Jedi Knight, it’s very easy to give up. One of the things they give up is marriage. They can still love people. But they can’t possess them. They can’t own them. They can’t demand that they do things. They have to be able to accept the fact, one, their mortality, that they are going to die. And not worry about it. That the loved ones they have, everything they love is going to die and they can’t do anything about it." - Celebration V, Main Event, 2010

"The Jedi in The High Republic are the Jedi in their prime/heyday. By the time of the Prequels, they've become political and dispassionate/prohibitive."

"[In Phantom Menace] you see the heyday of the Jedi, when they are the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy, sort of like the old marshals out West. And there's thousands of them." - Vanity Fair, 1999

"We've actually never seen real Jedi at work, we've only seen crippled half-droid half-men, and young boys that had learned from these old people. So to see a Jedi in his prime fighting in the prime of the Jedi, I want it to be a much more energetic and faster version of what we've been doing." - The Phantom Menace, “Fights”, 2001

"Jedi Knights aren't celibate - the thing that is forbidden is attachments - and possessive relationships." - BBC News, 2002

"[When Obi-Wan talks to Anakin about politicians, we learn about] the Jedi’s disenchantment with the political process, due to the corruption and the ineffectiveness of the Senate." - Attack of the Clones, Director’s Commentary, 2002

"The Jedi aren't really allowed to be involved in the political process. They're [present in the Senate when Palpatine is given emergency powers], but they can't suddenly step up and say, "No, no. You can't do that." They have to let the political process go." - Attack of the Clones, Commentary Track #2, 2002

#this was in my drafts for a while #and I noticed I hadn't shared 3-4 of these quotes yet like -the EW one -the 'disenchantment' one or -the CNN one #so I figured I'd do two birds one stone; update it quickly with the new quotes & share it #george lucas #jedi order #long post #collection of quotes #star wars #in defense of the jedi #pro jedi

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anakinskywalker97 · 2 months

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Sith Eyes

Anakin Skywalker x Padawan Reader

You come back from your first solo mission to a sleep deprived Anakin. He's a mess over the state of things, he's on orders not to leave the temple while the Jedi sort out Palpatine. You decide to try your best to sort out your master. ROTS alt ending. I have ideas for more parts to follow.

Warnings: smut, loss of virginity, caring Anakin, Dom Ani, baby girl, we almost lose him but there's a happy ending. Reader is a bit younger than him but is legal.

The war felt like it was hurdling towards something. Something that you were unprepared for. The anxiety gripped you as your mission came to a close, you were returning back to Coruscant and you could tell something was wrong there the closer you came.

You reached out to Anakin, he was normally angry, but even that was a comfort. You were always able to reach out into the force and feel his presence. Sometimes you could even feel Obi-Wan. Right now you felt the faintest flicker of your master. This only made you feel worse. Something was very wrong. Anakin was a powerhouse, the feeling of him never diminished it only got more intense with his moods. To barely be able to feel him made you panic slightly.

You ran through the temple happy to escape the politicians of the Sennet building. You tried to feel Anakin to track him down, you knew you were getting closer to him but that faded feeling remained. You thought he might be sick or…worse.

You knocked on his bedroom door feeling strange. The war had consumed all of your time with your master, you never lived at the temple at the same time as him. For the past three years all of your adventures together were off-world, knocking on his door felt oddly personal despite having done it a thousand times while traveling.

He opened the door and you jumped at the sight of him. The feeling that was haunting you was in the flesh staring at you. His eyes were clouded in darkness both in the way he looked at you and in the way it etched around his brown eyes.

“Master.” There was an edge to your voice, the word finished with a high note almost turning it into a question. He looked around you and pulled you into his bedroom. Curiosity won over concern for a split second while you took the space in, it was covered with mechanical parts and tools. The floor was clean and his bed was a mess.

Your eyes found him pacing the room behind you.

“Things are not going well.” His voice was wrong. It was if someone had put a different soul in his body. The hair on the back of your neck stood up as if you had fallen into a trap. There was an electricity pulsing around him despite his obvious exhaustion.

“We can fix it together.” You said cautiously unsure of what you are dealing with. Anakin’s moods were not new to you however this was not something you had felt from him before.

He turned on you and for a moment you were frightened of him, or maybe for him. You weren't sure. He grabbed your shoulders.

“I can’t sleep -” He took a shaky breath and you felt the pain radiating off of him. It was like getting hit with a solar flare of fear and exhaustion. “Palpatine - he’s behind everything.” His voice was so low you had to look at his mouth to ensure you heard him correctly. It would have been easier to speak through the bond.

“He orchestrated the war - he’s a sith.” He closed his eyes for a moment. The guy had always given you the creeps so it wasn't totally surprising to you. He looked at Anakin the way most men had looked at you since you were thirteen. You nodded and he looked so hopeless, if you weren't consumed with worry for him you would have allowed yourself to feel your own disappointment. “I told Windu, they - just want me to sit here.”

He started to ramble about the Jedi, corruption, government, and problems too big for you both to solve in one night.

“He wants me to join him.” His eyes were so sharp you felt their gaze cut into your mind. You shielded knowing exactly what he wanted from you. He wants to know if you will stand by him if he chooses the dark side.

“Let's sleep on it.” You said calmly trying to channel your inner Obi-Wan.

“I can’t” He was on the verge of tears, and your heart was breaking for him. You could feel that he couldn't tell who was right and the pain The Order had so casually inflicted on him was clouding his judgment. He didn't trust anyone, but he could still trust you. He would always be able to trust you. You thought about it for a moment, he needed to sleep this was glaringly obvious. You felt pulled toward him and decided to trust it.

“It’s alright. - Just sleep with me.” You were so immersed in the intensity of the situation you didn't realize the slip of words. “Like - humans are pack animals. It won't be so bad if you don’t feel alone.”

He thought about it for a second staring down at you before falling back to sit on his bed. He closed his eyes in defeat. You took that as an invitation. You slowly got the top half of his robes off before kneeling between his legs. You pulled his boots off and then decided you would leave him to deal with his pants.

Sleep clothes?

Your mind whispered to him and he wondered how ashamed he should be. He had done this for you countless times when you were injured or after a battle when you couldn't settle. He remembered how bad you were after the first time you killed someone. He had to make you a soldier, another thing he had to feel bad about.

He nodded to the wardrobe to the left and watched you move around his leftover projects. Things he had to leave behind once the missions started and didn't stop. You pulled out a top and Anakin assumed you would hand it over to him. Instead, he watched you pull off your robes. Just now he noticed the singed ends and dark smears on them. Panic washed over him at the thought of not being there to help you. Rage at the Jedi flared up inside him and then was completely drowned out by your naked form. You kept your panties on but nothing else. The swell of your breast was enough to drive his mind back to the present.

You pulled his top over your slender shoulders and he closed his eyes trying to find some peace. You went into the bathroom and he listened as you washed your face.

He kicked his pants off and straightened out the blankets on the bed. Sleeping next to you was wrong. Looking at your naked body was wrong. His stomach lurched again for the hundredth time that day. He would do almost anything to end this suffering that had been stalking him since his childhood.

You came back and began to climb over him to settle on the inside of the bed.

In a normal master-padawan relationship you should lean into his energy to ground yourself. He shouldn’t be leaning on you. He felt like he failed you once again.

“I won’t leave you.” You whispered.

“I know.” He murmured knowing he wouldn’t sleep, his thoughts were racing and his breathing was wrong. Your words cut into him in a way that unraveled lots of old hurts. You let out a thoughtful hum. Without thought or care he pulled you up onto his chest. You were awkward as you straddled him trying to keep your weight off of him. He put his arms around you pulling you tight, you relaxed against him he felt you weigh him down. He clung to you. It was wrong but he was in so much pain he didn't care.

He closed his eyes and felt his body relax, the weight of you pulled him back to earth. You fell asleep, and he followed you.

It felt like you were both resting in a shared space. It was dreamless and soothing.

It was 10 am and your legs were numb. You needed to pee and you were still firmly encased in Anakin's arms. His cock was hard and you wanted to remove yourself from the situation as cautiously as you could. You were aware of certain tensions between the two of you and you had both become good at dancing around them. You slowly moved your leg near the edge of the bed down to the floor. You shifted your weight onto it cautiously feeling your muscles sting.

You tried to stand up but his arms crushed you against his chest as he took a sharp intake of breath. Your hips ground down against his hard length. You hissed and he looked up at you. You got lost in his eyes, relief pouring over you at the sight of the warm brown orbs. His eyes studied you as his brain tried to make sense of the situation.

I have to pee

He let you go and you padded across the room to the bathroom. Trying to get your breathing back to normal.

You kept the door open and for some reason it made him feel better. The thought of anything being between the two of you threatened pulling him away from the calm you had both built.

He felt a sense of embarrassment wash over you and he studied you cautiously as you came back to the bed.

Your panties were soaked. A slippery mess, you wanted to go back to your room and change but leaving him wasn't an option just yet. So you climbed back into bed and he guided you back on top of him. The last place you wanted to be, but it was also the only place you wanted to be.

His large hands ran up and down your back, in a soothing fashion. The thought of all the things that needed to be discussed started to stream into your mind. But it was hard to focus with his cock pressing into you, one of his hands was firm on your low back and the other was running along your spine.

After a moment he tensed up. He could feel your pleasure, your wet heat pressed against him. He had no excuse, he could feel your arousal from the moment he woke up. He should have sent you to your room to get dressed. He should have done anything other than pull you right back on top of him.

He had no excuse, he wasn't sleep-deprived. His mind was more clear than it had been in months having actually slept. He had things to confront and yet all he wanted to do was let those obligations go. He didn't care about the war anymore. He didn't even care about the Jedi at this point. But all you wanted was to be a Jedi, he sighed and decided he wouldn't ruin your chances.

We should get up - His arms tightened as he thought it. His body betrayed him. He wanted you badly despite knowing it was wrong.

Or we could rest a little longer - you rubbed your cheek against his chest in an affectionate way. It was so playful he wondered if you were really interested in him in that way. Your core was throbbing and the air you inhaled off his chest made your mind hazy.

I have a feeling about how this will end, I don't think either of us will handle it well - He was trying to resist you, and you reached out with the force and tested the feelings in the bond. How far could you push him? The vulnerability built between you last night made your soul ache for him. You knew he felt the same way.

I think you could handle me just fine - you looked up at him from under your eyelashes. You weren't sure what you were getting yourself into but the force was pulling you along.

He groaned. You felt it through his chest and through the bond. Your body shuddered and your mind was slipping away as he studied your face.

You got tired of waiting and moved your hips. The pleasure you felt was new and surprising. You wanted to please him but you also just wanted to follow this bond to see how deep it went. You wanted to drown in him.

Anakin felt your need pulse through you, he knew he was going to make some poor choices, he also knew he could never deny you. He was going to warn you one last time that it wasn't a good idea when you slipped his boxers down. Everything stopped after that, you wanted to feel good and he wanted to do right by at least one person.

From your cautious approach to touching him, he assumed this was new to you. He kept one hand on your hip enjoying the fat of your ass. Dragging his fingers just above the waistband of your panties. Your hips stopped and he watched your face go blank as brushed against your clit.

The fabric was soaked through and he smiled at the thought of you needing him that badly. You gasped and he needed these panties gone fast. You felt him rip the hip of your panties and his long fingers pushed them down your leg.

Here - he shifted your hips slightly - Let me touch you baby

His fingers ran through your folds stroking over your clit and you let out a moan.

Master - you let out another moan. He worked your clit till your hips were trying to buck against his fingers.

Master - you started again but gave up on words. You grabbed his cock and moved your entrance against the head. His hand gripped into the flesh of your hip.

We don’t have to do that - It was a polite thing to say, but it was entirely untrue. You had to, something deep inside you would collapse if you didn't.

Don’t lie - He groaned at your response. You tried to push yourself onto him, but the pain seared through you. His pleasure bled into you making it tolerable and made you hungry for more despite the pain. Both his hands stopped you from pushing further.

Not too fast - He wanted to enjoy you. Enjoy the feeling of how hard your body was trying to accommodate him. He groaned knowing full well that he could be offered the universe and he would pick this. You were perfect.

His hands guided your hips and he showed you how to take more of him. You always liked it when he showed you things in training, moments when he had to touch you. Now you were drowning in his touches and corrections, his hands were everywhere. You bottomed out after what felt like forever. His hands were rough as he held your hips down, his body rigid. He took up so much space inside you, the bond between you had thickened and it was hard to breathe.

His fingers moved against your clit and you bucked your hips. You moaned and your fingers dug into his shoulders as you tried to move yourself on him.

Your hips were uncoordinated and untrained, something he would enjoy fixing in time. You were ambitious and determined as you chased these sensations for the first time. Just like in training you wanted to be perfect, Anakin decided to give you something really rare. He grabbed your jaw and pushed the pad of his thumb onto your bottom lip. Your mouth closed around it as he brought your face close to his. He looked into your eyes, they were already so hazy. You sucked on his thumb and he knew you would be the death of him. There was no way he would never have enough of you.

“So good at this baby” He said the words and watched as your whole body reacted to them. Anakin rarely ever praised you, it pushed you to train harder. He wanted you to be the best, and he didn't want you to be caught off guard out in the real world. A place he realized he would never send you.

“So tight for me.” His voice was soft and he felt you clench hard around him. He gave you more and more till it was impossible for you to keep up a proper rhythm. It was too much for you but he wasn't ready for you to cum yet.

Be good and let me fuck you baby - He grabbed your throat as you cried out in response. He pulled you down and held you where he wanted, liking the way your throat felt in his hand. He started to fuck you from the bottom and you let out a shout.

He fucked you hard and you took every bit of him. Pleasure blooming through your body. You had no shields up, he was flowing through you completely.

Good girl - he whispered in your mind letting his appreciation and desire run into you. All of you tightened on him. He was getting close.

“Need you to cum baby, I’ll show you how okay?” His voice was rough and it felt like a head rush. You nodded because you werent capable of speaking.

“Gonna touch you again baby. When it starts to feel really good I need you to squeeze around me nice tight, Okay?” You nodded again. He slowed his pace down, he was deeper inside you than before. With shallow thrusts, he brushed his fingers over your clit again and you let out another groan. You still weren't really sure what he needed you to do. Something hot and tight was building in your stomach, and you started to call out for him over and over.

“Master” Your voice was weak and your legs were shaking.

“That’s it baby, nice and tight. Help me cum.” His words sent you someplace you never would have thought existed. White heat ripped though you. Your cunt almost squeezed him out but he pushed himself in you even deeper than he had been. Like the force was pulling him into where you needed him. Your body was forced open while it was snapping shut. Pleasure shot through you, it was all-consuming and you couldn't breathe, then it flowed into crashing waves. You opened your eyes to see him beneath you. His face screwed up in pleasure, your walls contracted around him as he spilled himself deep inside you. The force kept you both elevated and entwined together. Eventually, it lessened its grip on you.

Your vision faded slightly and you collapsed down on him. He still held your hips flush against him not wanting to move out of you. Your walls fluttered around him and you were ready to sleep again.

After a long moment, he sat up taking you with him. He pulled out of you and you wanted to cry at the loss. He carried you to the bathroom putting you on the toilet. Your legs were still shaking and you looked up at his naked form. He was studying you carefully, the bruises on your hips and marks on your neck.

He should feel bad about it, but all he could think about is getting you back into bed to do it all over again. When his bedroom door opened you both jumped. Anakin stepped into the doorway blocking the view into the bathroom.

Obi-Wan gave him an exasperated look before moving his eyes to the floor. Anakin shut the door behind himself and grabbed his pants. He pulled them on while Obi-Wan did the mental math of why your robes were on his floor.

“Anakin!” He hissed, Anakin had upset him enough times to know when he was actually in trouble. “She’s your Padawan!” He threw his hands up and pinched the bridge of his nose trying to center himself.

“Well - “ Anakin started but Obi-Wan spoke over him.

“I told them this would happen. Two attractive - practically younglings - a handful of years apart. I shouldn't have allowed it.”

“So you think we're an attractive couple?” Anakin asked and laughed at his master’s cold expression. Anyone else would have missed the way the edges of his mouth flickered. Obi-Wan gave him a hard stare and Anakin felt something in the force bond between them. It was more fatherly than angry.

“Palpatine has put out an order to eradicate the Jedi. I need both of you ready to go. We don’t know how much time until they arrive.”

I’ll be in the hallway - he added in the force bond before shutting the door.

As Obi-Wan left the room, Anakin gathered up your clothes and brought them to you. He was sad he didn't get the chance to clean you up or make sure you had eaten. You were pretty far gone moments ago and being rushed into battle wasn't what he wanted for you.

“I can feel them.” You whispered while getting your clothes on. A great black mass was creeping towards the temple.

“So can I” Anakin started to think about all the things he could have been doing, but they told him not to leave the temple so really he was just following orders.

The two of them stepped into the hallway, Anakin felt your shoulders shrink down slightly in Obi-Wan’s presence. Anakin didn’t care about anyone's judgment on the topic. You were his and he claimed you. Or was it just sex? He looked at your face as they followed Obi-Wan towards the temple doors. You looked at him immediately and he could feel that it must be more.

Whatever happens, we do it together - You said and he nodded.

They moved into formation as they had done so many times. Anakin liked the feeling of Obi-Wan in front of him to the right and you a pace behind himself partially covered by his right shoulder. He wasn't going to lose either of them, he didn't care if he left The Order, this was his family and it was something so tightly woven within the force he actually felt he could trust it completely for the first time.

When the temple doors burst open Anakin’s heart stopped. Clone troopers pilled into the main entrance. Men he had fought with, been friends with, were shooting at them. If they were here to kill anything other than the younglings, Anakin might have let them.

His mind was scared for you, almost all of your in-battle experience had been against droids. Anywhere Anakin was in this war you were there next to him, also befriending these men.

They fought hard and Anakin swore to himself this would be the last time.

___________________________________________

He knew what needed to happen to end things. After the destruction of most of the temple and the lucky evacuation of most of the younglings, he knew he needed to escape to see Palpatine. Obi-Wan understood his plan flawlessly as always. He and Obi-Wan were two sides of the same coin, he felt his master’s mind calm as ever. They had a moment of reprieve as the clones temporarily retreated.

May the force be with you - He had no doubt in him that Anakin would make the right choice, something that meant more to Anakin than he would ever be able to express. You on the other hand were beside yourself when you realised he intended to leave the battle.

Let me go with you - Your voice was desperate and he felt his whole heart resist his body as he moved away. He had to leave, it had to be him in the end. Obi-Wan grabbed you and Anakin turned away moving through the rubble as the rest of the remaining Jedi regrouped.

Anakin endured your screaming at him through the force bond as he left the temple grounds. The more distressed you were the better, make everyone think he was genuinely going to seek out the dark side. He could feel Obi-Wan trying to comfort you while also trapping you there.

The journey to Palapine was as easy as Anakin knew it would be. The old man looked frail and Anakin took his time listening closely to what he was offering. It was difficult with your pain still radiating off of you freely in the bond. It weighed him down, which also grounded him. He needed to get back to you, he needed to move on with his life.

The truth was a hard thing to come to terms with. Palpatine was correct about a lot of things, especially about the Jedi. To walk the path of the dark side to restore balance made sense to Anakin on a molecular level. That was the only thing about Palpatine that truly made sense to him, he had power of a similar caliber, he seemed to be on Anakin’s level.

“You should bring your padawan,” Palpatine added. “She is nearly as sensitive as you is she not?”

Anakin wanted to laugh. You were high count, well above Yoda and the great masters, but nowhere near where he was. Anakin was certainly sensitive enough to feel the Sith’s intentions towards you. Rage poured over him and took its familiar hold in his mind. Palpatine was intrigued by this shift in Anakin’s mood but before he could move in on it, Anakin drew out his lightsaber.

They fought and it served the exact purpose Palpatine had hoped for, Anakin felt himself slip into his anger. He let all the fear melt into anger. He used everything against Palpatine, the man who had caused so much suffering in the galaxy. How many friends and men had he watched die, and how many times was it his call in battle that resulted in those men’s lost lives? Years of pain ran through Anakin his life flashing before him, all ending back at the beginning with his mother in slavery. The force began to move towards him as if he was a black hole. He pulled the power into him and when Palpatine used his lightning it was easy to grab hold of.

He pulled the energy from the Sith before turning it back on him. He was as everything else was in the galaxy, beneath him. He was burdened with this power, the life force of everything at his fingertips. He watched the fear in Palpatine's eyes as Anakin cooked the man alive from the inside out. Anakin could feel the deflected lightning eating and coursing through the old man’s bones, slowly cooking the flesh attached to them. Palpatine was reduced to ash before Anakin.

Standing there with the world pulsing in him rather than around him left him knowing that a choice needed to be made here. There would be a vacuum with Palpatine and the war gone. The right person needed to step in and take control. Thinking back to his foolish opinions as a teenager, someone needs to force everyone to see reason. To implement order and eradicate chaos. He could see it in his mind clear as if it were real.

The slick vision of an orderly system with the power to keep people in line. He was so consumed in this moment he couldn't feel the world beneath him. Was this the force showing him the vision of his destiny? Or was he forcing the force into what he felt would be easiest?

“Don’t touch him!” A voice shouted. One he knew well. Hands gripped his face, and he opened his eyes.

Anakin looked down at you with the eyes of a Sith. Something far beyond the realm of Plagueis and Sidious, something far beyond the knowledge of the Jedi or Sith. These eyes were sharp and they could see everything, calculations far beyond human emotion. Beyond time and space. Anakin was in touch with something other.

In that moment you could feel the full extent of the power he possessed, just how far it stretched. You knew that if he asked you to go with him you would. Beyond everything, he was not something you would ever be able to turn away from. You didn't need to project that to him or say a word. He had all of you in his mind.

Anakin looked down at you with visions in his head of order and power, but all he could really see was the person he loved causing chaos with. The power washed out of him as he made his choice. His arms trapped you against his chest and he felt how worn you were. Injured in battle, blood was still running from your shoulder.

She needs medical attention, you can stare into each other's eyes in the med bay - Obi-Wan scolded him and the feeling was so familiar it made him want to cry. He could have power and order, but there was something so lonely and isolated about that life. In all those visions of star systems, not one showed him his two favorite people.

He picked you up gracefully and you were too needy to complain. The feeling was different than anything you had knowledge of. You hated not touching him. Not being next to him. Was it the aftermath of being in war together? Was it the force bond between you? Or was this how people felt when they were in love?

Anakin didn’t leave you for a moment as they worked on your shoulder. He had various conversations to have and yet he made every person come to him. It was exhausting but being in silence away from him would have been a thousand times worse.

The day ended and you were staying in a ship as the temple was closed off. You sat around one of the tables in silence just as you had done countless times during the war. Everyone had a million things they needed to say but no one knew how.

“Well, seeing as I’m the one responsible for the two of you.” Obi-Wan began and you were ready for his discussion about how they found Anakin. “Ground rules need to be established.”

“I don’t know if we are staying,” Anakin said softly with pain in his eyes. You knew that it was true though. You both had no idea what direction the Jedi were going to go in, Anakin had given them some very clear ideas that the force had shown him. You could feel he only gave them a fraction of what he saw.

“Regardless of where you go, I’m sure I’ll be close by. So, no bickering when doing business. We can’t be in the middle of a conflict while you guys are having a domestic. It was bad enough before this.” He pointed between the two of you.

“Master, I mean - I think we might be leaving The Order.” Anakin held Obi-Wan’s eyes for a moment. You could feel the bond there, and you knew that much like yourself, if Anakin asked him Obi-Wan would follow.

“And as I said, I’m sure I’ll be close by.” Obi-Wan smiled at the two of you before getting up and moving down the hall to the sleeping quarters. “No loud sex either.” He called and Anakin put his face in his hands.

#anakin skywalker #star wars #anakin skywalker fic #anakin skywalker imagine #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker smut #anakin x reader #revenge of the sith #anakin skywalker x reader smut #star wars prequels #star wars smut

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padfootdaredmetoo · 3 months

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Anakin Skywalker X Padawan Reader

This was purely selfish, but I couldn't get it out of my head. I don't think there is a demand for these sorts of fics. Anyway, this takes place during the Revenge of the Sith. The reader is Anakin's Padawan from the Clone Wars. When she hears that Anakin is fallen to the dark side she decides it's a great time to confess her feelings. (she is legal and he didn't know her as a kid) (I'm not exactly well versed in Star Wars lore so apologies in advance)

Warnings: Kissing

You were not entirely shocked by Obi-Wan’s words. The chancellor's words about the Republic's corruption had drawn you in too. But No way Anakin was a Sith. You had been beside him the whole war. No way he would turn his back on you or Obi-Wan or his life.

Maybe that was your heart speaking. You could feel darkness clouding him but could still feel him well enough to find him. You landed your ship and walked out. The planet's heat bit at your skin and your eyes burned.

You felt him acknowledge your presence and your stomach filled with nerves. Anakin had been through a lot in his life and you saw how people often treated him. You knew there was a chance he was so far gone that killing you wouldn't be an issue.

But your heart held so much hope you were rooted on the path in front of you. You had tried to be a good Padawan, tried to avoid attachment. But avoiding attachment to him was almost impossible. Everything about him puts you at ease.

He emerged from the shadowy arch onto the bridge you had landed on. His hood was drawn and you wanted nothing more than to rip it off. You wanted see his eyes while he broke your heart.

“Anakin.” You broke the silence and the hurt was already palpable in your voice. He moved towards you, coming close and grabbing your shoulders.

“You have to understand. The corruption, all of this war, everything it’s -”

“All lies, Anakin. Palpatine is playing everyone, I don’t trust him.”

“The power is necessary to bring balance to the galaxy. It’s necessary to save you.” Anakin’s voice was dark and it caused you to shudder.

“I don’t want you to be the chosen one.” You whispered raising your hands up slowly and pushing his hood back. His eyes were varying dark shades of red.

“Who do you want me to be then?” He snapped. Everyone always needed or wanted him to be something, you were no exception.

“Mine.” You barely got the words out. This confession was going to doom you, yet you knew if there was a way, any chance of bringing him back, you had to take it. His eyes flared.

“I must master death to keep you alive. My dreams - I won't lose you like my mother.” You could feel his mental blocks fluttering.

“You saw me dying surrounded by lava.” You waved a hand around. “So save me.” He thought about your words for a moment.

“Not even the Sith can master death, they can move bodies, do you really want Palpatine inside me?” You raised a brow and he gripped your shoulders tighter in anger.

“No, but I - I can’t go back now.” You felt his mind move back to the control room behind him. All those separatists dead.

“Don’t judge me if I don't mourn for them.” You knew you should be more serious about things, but that’s just how you were with Anakin. They could be in the thick of battle still telling jokes.

“He wants me to go kill the younglings,” Anakin whispered.

“Good Luck.” You snorted and his eyes flared. “Anakin you cried like a baby when you held Senator Amidala's kids for the first time. You can do a lot of things, but killing children isn't one of them.”

“Why are you so sure of me?” His voice was breaking and you could feel his emotions radiating off of him more freely.

“Because I love you.” You felt his arms slacken and moved towards him. Grabbing his face.

“The code-”

“Had never stopped us from misbehaving before.” You watched the war raging in his mind. You decided to go for it, worst case you would die but at least you would know what it would be like to kiss him. You pulled at his face and raised up on your tiptoes. He didn't make it easy for you, but then again he never did.

Your lips crashed against his and you felt his arms wrap around you tightly. His head bowed to you and he kissed you back. The attachment forming between you was all-consuming. It took all of you and you could feel his memories and mind pressing against yours. He felt everything inside you. All your emotions about him. There was no space to feel self-conscious as his own love poured against you. Tears spilled down your cheeks and he gripped at your flesh through your robes.

Mine - Be mine Anakin

Your mind kept saying it over and over and over again before you realized he could probably hear it. His kisses were harsh and consuming and you could feel them in your soul. There is nowhere you wouldn't follow this bond. You prayed he would be kind, if only for your sake, and return to the light.

A splash of lava washed up on the edge of the bridge as chunks of rocks slid into it. He broke the kiss abruptly.

“Time to save you.” He motioned towards the ramp of the ship. You went inside and like every mission over the past three years, you resumed your usual positions. His eyes were their usual rich brown and you felt your muscles relax. You took the first easy breath in a long time.

He chose you.

“You have a stowaway on this ship.” He said. You stood up and moved in front of Anakin, lightsaber drawn. A move he repeatedly tried to get you to stop. But at the end of the hall, Obi-Wan’s figure revealed itself.

Anakin struggled with his master occasionally and you hoped that this didn’t set him back. He needed time to rest before coming to terms with everything if he was going to stay in the light. After that, they could lecture him.

“Master,” Anakin said in a neutral voice.

“Anakin.” Obi-Wan greeted him with a broken voice. Anakin moved past you and moved towards his master. Obi-Wan grabbed Anakin’s face looking into his eyes before making a choking sound.

His arms wrapped around Anakin tightly.

“My boy, my son.” The tears were evident in his voice. “I failed you. Anakin -” His voice cut off as Anakin hugged him back.

“It wasn’t your fault, master.” Anakin was crying too.

“It was, it is. I should have- I was so focused on doing everything by the code, I forgot some of Qui-Gon’s most important rules.” You decided to resume your spot steering the ship giving them a moment. “He tried to tell me of corruption, I didn’t see it till-”

“Master no one saw it. I let you down and I’m sorry.”

“It is behind us now.” He released Anakin and patted him on the back. You looked over your shoulder and watched as he tried to compose himself. Tears were streaming down your own face.

“Not you too,” Anakin said moving towards you.

“Dad moments kill me.” You mumbled wiping the tears on the back of your hands. Anakin took his seat and motioned for you to come sit on his lap. You didn't need to be asked twice. You curled up in his lap, tucking your face into his neck. Obi-Wan took your spot.

“I haven't slept in a very long time.” You yawned “I’m sorry if I doze off.” Anakin only kissed the top of your head. He was just happy to be trusted to hold your sleeping body. To be trusted to watch over you.

#anakin skywalker #anakin x reader #anakin skywalker x reader #Revenge of the sith #Star wars #Star wars fic #Anakin Skywalker fic #anakin skywalker imagine

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lieutenant-teach · 2 months

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Meeting Cyare’s father (or Anakin Skywalker doesn’t like his new son-in-law very much)

(Anakin doesn’t go Dark, everyone lives, everyone’s happy. No Sequels, rehashed Heir to the Empire instead of the OT. DinLuke, minor Anidala, CodyWan, HanLeia)

Din was really relieved about his helmet on, but then he remembered that the Jedi can feel other people’s emotions. No luck, then.

His cyare’s father’s eyes were trying to burn a hole in his head.

– Let me get it straight, Luke. A Mandalorian bounty hunter. – The voice could cut the stone better than a lightsaber.

– Mum likes him, – Luke was smiling, but Din saw him tensing for a fight. A cybernetic hand squeezed his.

– I didn’t raise my only children to give them away to some criminals, - Skywalker-senior stood up from the couch and started walking back and forth. – First I have to agree to allow my princess marry some smuggler…

– Han did help us to stop Thrawn.

– … and then my son wants to partner a bounty hunter, - Luke’s father wasn’t listening to him, anger coming off him like waves – Din was certain he wasn’t Force-sensitive, but one may not be to feel the Dark Side emanating from Anakin Skywalker at that moment.

Din remembered Luke’s words before ‘meeting with father’s half of the family’: ‘My Dad will become angry, I’m sure – he didn’t react to Han well, too – but don’t worry, he’ll cool down’. The warning rang in his ears when he saw Skywalker-senior for the first time: tall, with a rich mane of greying curls, but still very handsome former Jedi assessed him and made up him mind immediately. ‘Not worthy’. Now they were sitting on the softest couch Din’s ass had ever been on, in the richest living room Din’s eyes ever seen, and ‘officially’ letting Din into a very branchy Skywalker family tree. Or, trying.

– Dad, I’m almost thirty, I can decide for myself. And Din’s a hero of his own – he kept Grogu save and sound, stopped Moff Gideon, and also saved the town of Mos Pelgo from the krayt dragon…

– But a bounty hunter! – Skywalker-senior cried exasperatedly. – And, to add to it, a Mandalorian! It is all your fault, Obi-Wan! – he suddenly turned to Luke’s uncle, quietly watching all this until this moment.

– Wait, why? – the man was older than Luke’s father, gray hair and beard and mischievous twinkle in the eyes. So far he hadn’t said anything, but Luke had said his uncle would be supportive. Now it was time to find out. – My fault Luke fell in love?

– With a Mando! – Skywalker raised his voice. – Who in this family has a thing for Mandos?

– Do not speak about Satine like this, – Obi-Wan’s voice became steely, – and anyway, Cody is not a Mandalorian.

– He is a clone of a Mandalorian!

Din started to lose the thread of the conversation. He even wished he had a Jedi ability to speak telepathically and could ask Luke what the kark was going on. He shifted his head, trying not to be very obvious in his confusion, Luke caught his gaze and shrugged.

– Do you really think I taught Luke… - Luke’s uncle sighed. – We have been here before, Anakin. Luke is an adult, he can think for himself. If he brought young Din Djarin here, then he is certain in him and his own feelings. Did your fits of reality rejection change Leia’s mind?

Luke’s father breathed in and out heavily, clearly holding himself from harsher words, but reluctantly accepting the truth.

– Maybe, you should just talk to Din? – Luke’s uncle didn’t look happy, but so wasn’t Din hearing this suggestion.

‘Let me talk, – Din remembered Luke’s words. – When Dad started being… um… not very nice to Han – critical of sorts – Han started talking back. It escalated, some chairs were flying around, Dad and Leia exchanging angry remarks – Dad said she deserved better, Leia insisted she loved Han – and Han himself wasn’t making everything easier. It took two professional negotiators – Mum and Uncle Obi-Wan – to calm them down. Still, Leia and Han are happily married and have a son. So it’s just an unpleasant procedure you have to endure’.

– Maybe, he would take the helmet off for starters? – Poison in Skywalker’s voice could kill a bantha. No, a herd of banthas.

– I cannot, - Din was glad his voice didn’t tremble. He wasn’t afraid of the man, but watching a family drama, and, worse, being the reason of it didn’t feel well. He didn’t want to cause a rift in Luke’s relationship with his father. – My Creed prohibits me to.

– Veery convenient, - Skywalker smiled a tight and unpleasant smile, ignoring pleading and exasperated eyes of his son. – We’re a family now, you don’t show your face even to your family? Luke, have you seen his face?

– Dad, now it’s rude. Of course, I did. – It was obvious Luke was holding well, but his patience wasn’t infinite, too. – It’s only for immediate members.

Technically, after realizing the existence of different Mandalorian Ways, Din wasn’t sure he couldn’t do that. After all, taking off helmets didn’t make Bo-Katan Kryze or Sabine Wren less Mandalorians. But even if he would – not for this man.

The door slid open, a man quietly entered the room and stood behind Luke’s uncle’s armchair, resting his elbows on the chair back. Could he be Boba Fett’s relative? Because he was a carbon copy of Din’s friend, albeit much older. An intricate scar was winding its way from his temple down around his left eye.

– I am being quite nice! – Skywalker protested, dragging all attention to himself. – I can’t believe Padmé actually said ‘I like this guy, let’s take him in’.

– You know, I agree with you, - the probably-Boba’s-relative suddenly said. Luke’s uncle turned to him with puzzled expression. Luke looked disappointed. – The kids take after their mother in their bad choice of life partners.

Skywalker seemed about to blow up. He grabbed something from his belt that appeared to be a black respiratory mask and pressed it to his nose and mouth. The mechanical labored breathing sounds filled the room, Skywalker was drilling the man with burning eyes.

– Now, Cody, that was harsh, - frankly, to Din’s mind, Luke’s uncle didn’t look apologetic a lot. Luke sighed, his shoulders relaxed.

– I thought you were serious! – he even laughed a little, then gather himself again. – Dad, you do realize your approval or disapproval won’t change anything?

– Unfortunately, - Skywalker’s voice also sounded mechanical. – I believe no one in the galaxy or farther is worthy of my children. – He signed. – I guess I have to work with what we have here. – He shot a look at Cody, who smiled in return, and this smile was ‘I know you know I’m right, and I unashamedly love it’.

– Very well, - Obi-Wan clapped his hands. – Now as everything is settled, - Din clearly heard ‘Anakin is settled’, - we can share some stories and know each other better, right, Din?

Luke looked at Din with shining eyes. Din signed quietly. This look was worth all these awkward minutes.

#star wars #dinluke #din djarin #anakin skywalker #luke skywalker #obi wan kenobi #commander cody #codywan #fanfiction #my fic #fanfic

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bloatedandalone04 · 3 months

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Wrapped Around Your Finger - Part 1.1

Series Masterlist | Original Fic

➪in which you pack your bags for paris, still unsure of whether or not you’ll return to london for anything other than the rest of your belongings, and anakin is forced to reach out to liz after she crosses another line.

PSA: strongly suggested to read the warnings before proceeding.

WC; 3.2k | Do not repost this anywhere, reblogs are fine ♡

Guilt had followed Anakin all week.

He talked to you for a good hour over the phone on Wednesday, and not once did he mention the fact that Liz had kissed him. He knew the longer he kept it from you, the worse it’ll be for him, but he was terrified of your reaction.

Anakin had been faithful for nearly five years straight, and the one time he’s away from you for more than a few days he lets another girl get close to him. Close enough for him to break that streak in a single night.

He knew that as soon as he told you, it could very well be over, and he never wanted to lose you, let alone because of something so out of character for him.

Still, it wasn’t fair for you to be kept out of the loop, and though he hated to do it, he’d rather tell you in person. He could only hope that you saw it from his perspective, and how hard he’s been trying to get rid of her.

Anakin was sitting on the couch, the passing scenery doing wonders at keeping his mind busy. He wanted to call you, but you told him that you needed to sort some things out today, and he’d just have to wait until you were able to talk.

He had headphones on with the track Vinny and Theo had recorded during all the time Anakin spent with Liz, and he felt like the worst excuse of a friend and band member ever.

They were actually trying to get music out while he just went out and partied. But he wouldn’t be doing that anymore.

If one good thing came out of that whole club situation and the wake up call, it was that Anakin was finally inspired to write. Theo had come up with the idea to create a slower song rather than the loud and intense songs they’ve been playing for the last year and a half. He was sure it was because the bass player was feeling down a lot lately and needed a way to vent, and Anakin and Vinny were more than willing to agree to it.

He listened to the track on repeat as he thought about possible lyrics, and Anakin was happy that Vinny had decided to try his luck with a piano. He played it for about four years before he switched to drums, but he clearly still knew how to play the string instrument as it sounded amazing through his headphones.

Before long, he had a whole page done and was starting his second when Vinny emerged from the back of the bus. His hair was a mess, signaling to Anakin that he had just woken up from a nap.

Anakin could probably use a few more hours of sleep, too, but he knew it would never come. He’d just end up tossing and turning and wasting time, so he didn’t even bother.

Vinny sat down next to him with a huff, taking the notebook out of Anakin’s hands as he did so. Anakin scoffed at him, taking off his headphones and setting them aside as he turned to face his friend. “Is this for a new song?” Vinny asked with a yawn as he read over the page.

“Yeah,” Anakin answered, grabbing his phone and sending you a quick text.

Vinny set the notebook aside after reading it over. “Sounds good,” he mumbled. “Glad to see you got your inspiration back.”

“Yeah, but at what cost,” Anakin muttered.

“Anakin, Y/n will understand,” he tried to reassure him, but probably knew that it was pointless as Anakin would continue to feel like shit until he knew for sure that he wouldn’t lose you because of the mistake he made with Liz.

So when he didn’t respond, Vinny just shook his head and stood back up. He rummaged around in the mini fridge before grabbing two water bottles and heading back to Clara, leaving Anakin to finish up the song he had titled ‘Falling’.

“I feel like I’m wasting everyone’s time,” you confessed as you sat on the grass in the Quad. “I completely messed up that last assignment. I didn’t even try.”

Evan gave you a pointed look as he sipped from the straw of his smoothie. “You’re not wasting everyone’s time, Y/n,” he stated, making you roll your eyes. “I’m serious. Kenneth would’ve sent you running on the first day if he thought you were wasting his time.”

You shrug and look at different flights on your phone. “Maybe, but I still accused him of favoring me when he was literally just trying to be nice,”

“Y/n,” Evan called out to you, making you look up. “You’re a good writer. You’re one of the best in the class, don’t think that you’re not. One bad piece doesn’t make you a bad writer, you know that.”

You shrug again, sipping on your own smoothie. “Yeah, I guess,”

Evan set down his drink and moved closer to you. “I mean it. You’re going places…if you decide to stay, that is. While it’ll certainly give me a better chance at getting published, it’ll still suck to lose you. But if you’re no longer happy here, then you deserve to do something that does make you happy.”

You give him a smile and lean over to hug him quickly. “Thanks, Ev,”

He returned the hug before standing up. “Are you coming to class today?”

You think about it for a few seconds then shake your head. “No, I have some thinking to do,”

He nods and gives you a reassuring smile. “Okay, I’ll just see you later then,”

You nod back and watch as he makes his way to the building the class is in before pulling out your phone.

Ani: I hope you’re having a better day today, baby. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. I love you.

The text brings a smile to your lips as you stand up and throw away your garbage as you reply to him.

So far so good. I can’t wait to see you, too, Ani. I love YOU.

You head in the opposite direction of your class, planning on going back to your room and packing your bag for Paris. Maybe you’d even start packing up to go back home. While Evan’s attempts at reassuring you were nice, you still didn’t feel confident in yourself anymore.

Anakin had even tried to reassure you, but he also said that you didn’t have to force yourself to stay if it wasn’t what you wanted anymore, and to have that support from him had your head feeling clearer than it had in weeks.

If all else failed, you still always had him, and that was enough for you to know that you’d be okay.

You pack the essentials and set your bag down next to your desk before sitting down on your bed. Grabbing your phone, you begin to look through more flight options. There was one for three in the afternoon, meaning you’d be able to be in Paris by five thirty at the latest. You’d have to swing by class tomorrow to talk to Kenneth, and to possibly say goodbye to him.

You really weren’t sure if you were going to come back for anything other than the rest of your belongings once Anakin and the guys leave France and you’d have to say goodbye again. Maybe you could just pack the rest of your things and meet him at the next location. You wouldn’t mind sharing that small bunk with him for the next two months, and you knew he wouldn’t mind either.

Without another thought, you buy the ticket and set your phone down, pulling out your laptop and continuing to write the rough draft of your short story, despite your plans potentially dropping the class.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur, and before you knew it, it was the next morning and you were packing last minute things and making sure you had your ticket ready. You set everything on your bed, excitement pulsing through you at the fact that you’d be seeing Anakin in less than nine hours.

His text had you feeling the happiest you’ve been all week, and you had shamelessly read it more than once.

Ani: I can’t wait to see you tonight. I’ve missed you so much, princess.

He was the sweetest, and you were shaking with nerves at the thought of feeling his arms around you again after four weeks of zero physical contact.

You leave your dorm and make your way to class, well aware that it had ended at nine and it was now nearing ten. With a quick inhale, you enter the classroom and meet Kenneth’s eyes from across the room. He was sitting at his desk, his brow furrowed as he looked back down at the papers he was reading. “Miss Y/l/n,” he greeted in a monotone voice. “Glad to see you could make it to class today, though you are an hour late and the class is already over.”

Giving him a forced and embarrassed smile, you step into the room. “Yeah,” you trail off, playing with your fingers as you stand by the door. “I’m sorry I missed the last two classes, it’s just….I don’t know if I’m cut out for this.”

Kenneth didn’t look up from the papers as he said, “Well, you’ve certainly done a great job at trying to prove that,”

Your face heats up and you look at the floor. “Yeah…I’m really sorry, Kenneth,” you murmur, glancing down at the A on your wrist. You feel the smallest bit of comfort from just looking at it, and you lift your head with a newfound confidence. “I didn’t mean to waste your time. That was the last thing I wanted to do.”

That had your instructor looking up at you. He studied your face for a few seconds before sitting up in his chair. “You didn’t waste my time, Miss Y/l/n,” he stated. “In fact, I quite enjoyed reading your previous pieces, so I don’t know why you think you wasted anyone’s time.”

You shrug at him and avoid eye contact. You just needed to get through this, then you could go to the airport and be with Anakin again after a month of not seeing him.

“I assume you came here to tell me that you’re dropping out?” Kenneth asks and you look over at him.

“Do you think I should?” You ask.

“That’s not up to me,” he says. “It’s your choice.”

You huff, “Do you think I’m…..good enough?”

Kenneth raises his brows. “Do I think you’re good enough?” He repeated your question and leaned back. “I think you’re a great writer, Miss Y/l/n, and it would be unfortunate to lose you before I got to really see what you can do. But, it’s your decision, and I can’t make it for you.”

You give him a small smile and nod. “Right. I guess that’s a good answer,”

He returns the smile before asking, “Are you going somewhere?”

“Yeah, I’m….my boyfriend is performing at a few venues in Paris, so I’m going to meet him there,” you tell him. “I’m sorry, but I’ll be missing a few classes next week.”

Kenneth nods. “It might be best for you to take some time to figure out what you want to do,” he says. “If you decide to stay, there’s always a spot for you in my class, but if you want to go then I can’t stop you. But just know that one bad piece doesn’t make you a bad writer, and you shouldn’t let it have that much control over you.”

Your smile fades a bit at how similar his and Evan’s words are. Maybe they were right. “I’m trying,”

He shrugged, “That’s all you can do,”

A few seconds pass before you nod. “Well, I should get going. I don’t want to be rushing to the airport,”

“Before you go,” he called out to you just as you began to turn around. “I want you to know that, whatever you decide to do, I support you.”

That had a genuine smile forming on your lips. “Thank you, Kenneth, and I’m sorry for…everything,”

Then you were off. You headed back to your room to grab your bag, finding Evan leaning against the wall next to your door. Your look of surprise had him raising his brows, “What, you thought I was gonna let you leave without saying goodbye to me first? Especially since I might never see you again after this?”

You laugh and walk into his open arms. “I haven’t decided if I’m dropping the class or not, Ev,” you say and rest your head against his chest. “And I’d say goodbye to you before I left, anyway.”

“How generous,” he teased and pulled away. His eyes flickered all over your face before he met your gaze. “Have fun, okay? Go spend time with your famous boyfriend, and don’t worry about anything else, alright? You deserve it.”

You smile and nod, “Okay,” you agree. “I’ll see you next week, Evan. Promise.”

He squinted his eyes at you. “You better,” he said back, giving you another smile before leaving. You grab your bag and look around your room one last time before setting down the note you had written to Bailey. She was still at her parents house since there was some family emergency, and you didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to her.

You leave it on her bed before locking the door and ordering a ride to the airport, the stress of everything finally beginning to lift once you’re seated on the plane.

Anakin could not stop pacing the length of the small hallway on the bus.

He was shaking, he was so excited to see you.

He couldn’t think about much else other than your sweet scent, your kind smile, your achingly pretty face, and the way your body fit perfectly against his own. He was craving your touch and the sound of your voice. He couldn’t believe he had gone a month without you.

Vinny was watching him with a tired expression, his arm draped over Clara’s shoulders as she slept next to him on the couch. “Dude,” he grunted after watching him pace a few more times. “What are you doing? Why are you pacing?”

Anakin flexed his fingers as he shrugged, passing by the brunet once again. “I can’t help it,” he answered. “I have to leave in less than half an hour to pick her up and bring her back here. Half an hour, Vin, then she’s here.”

Vinny let out a laugh of disbelief, glancing down at his sleeping girlfriend. “I hope she’s this excited to see me at some point in the future,” he muttered to himself as Anakin tried to calm himself down.

“I missed her so much, Vin,”

“I know,”

“I can’t wait to see her,”

“I know, Anakin,”

“Please tell me that you and Clara are doing something tonight,” Anakin was powerless to stop the desperation from coming through in his voice.

Vinny smirked up at him, “Is that your way of asking if the bus will be empty tonight?”

“I need to be alone with her,” Anakin groaned. “I need it to be just the two of us, so we can talk. I need to clear a few things up with her.”

Vinny laughed. “I understand, man,” he said. “I’ll take Clara out for dinner or something and we’ll tour the Paris nightlife.”

Anakin gave him a grateful smile. “Thank you,” then he checked his phone and nearly dropped it when he saw Liz’s newest Instagram post. “Fuck.”

It was a close up picture of Anakin on stage a couple nights ago, his hair damp and his skin sweaty as he finished the last song of the set. He remembered feeling the high of that night, and he would’ve been happy to see that Liz had captured a photo of it, but right now all he felt was rage as he read the caption.

elizaphotography: Thought you’d all enjoy a hot, up close and personal shot of the sexy lead singer of Screaming Whispers ;)

She added a bunch of stupid hashtags and even tagged him, and Anakin wanted to throw his phone at the nearest wall. Vinny must’ve sensed the sudden change as he sat up a bit and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“She- I can’t fucking believe her,”

Vinny reached forward and grabbed his phone, his gaze hardening once he saw the post. “Wow, this bitch won’t quit,” he muttered, reading the caption over and over again. “She must think she’s invincible or some shit, because- what are you doing?”

Anakin had swiped his phone out of Vinny’s hand and clicked on Liz’s contact as he left the bus, hoping that the air would cool him off at least a little. It rang for a few seconds before the call connected, “Ah, I knew that would get your attention,”

“Back off, Liz,” Anakin rasped, leaning against the side of the bus as he felt his heartbeat quicken. “I mean it.”

“You’ve been avoiding me like the plague, Anakin,” she stated. “You’re acting like a prick. I thought we were friends.”

“You thought wrong,” he said and tried to take back control of his breathing. “Change that caption, or better yet, delete the entire fucking post.”

Liz hummed, “Thought I was allowed to post you? In fact, it’s on the contract that I get your image out there for the world to see,” she laughed. “Well, it says something like that, anyway.”

“I’m not joking, Liz,” he muttered under his breath, and her annoying voice had his body heating up in rage.

“I’m not joking either, Anakin,” she said back. “You led me on. I can claim that. Don’t piss me off, Anakin, or I’ll tell Y/n myself that you cheated on her.”

“I didn’t-”

“But you did,” she cut him off. “I’m living proof.”

“What do you want, Liz? Huh?” Anakin asked in frustration as he tugged on his hair. “Why do you insist on being such a-”

“A what, Anakin? What?” She pressed. “Call me anything other than my name, and I’ll message her right now.”

Anakin bit his tongue, holding back on calling her every bad name he could think of, because it really wouldn’t help much at all. “Keep her out of this,” he said as calmly as he could. He didn’t like her holding you over him like this when she had no fucking clue about anything involving yours and his relationship. She was just the fucking tour photographer, why did she think she had such an important role in his life?

“Yeah,” she hummed. “Maybe I’ll do that.”

Then she hung up and Anakin cursed under his breath as he opened the Instagram app. He deleted all the photos she took of him from his account, wanting nothing to do with her at all anymore. Sure, the photos were great and he actually liked them quite a lot, but he refused to be associated with her in any way.

Before he got off the app, he clicked on Liz’s account and saw that she did actually change the caption, but it still didn’t settle the anger brewing within him. Without a second thought, he blocked her and pocketed his phone after calling a ride that would take him to the airport and to you.

They reunite soon :') (but is that a good thing?)

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gffa · 11 months

Photo

I think it's meant to be a little bit of both--Lucas says of them: “Anakin and Padmé are getting married in what will be a doomed relationship, which they have already stated earlier on is not gonna work. But they do love each other. They’re truly in love with each other. It’s the issue of true love over duty. It’s really the 'Romeo and Juliet' aspect of it, of a doomed relationship, in more ways than one really. She married the wrong guy.“ --George Lucas, Attack of the Clones commentary “Anakin wants to have a family. He wants to be married to Padmé and have children. […] But at the same time he knows he can’t have one. Now the greed has taken over and the fear of losing his wife and baby. The whole point is you can’t possess somebody because they are their own person. You can’t dominate and make them do everything you want them to do.” --George Lucas, The Star Wars Archives1999-2005 "The core issue, ultimately, is greed, possessiveness - the inability to let go. Not only to hold on to material things, which is greed, but to hold on to life, to the people you love - to not accept the reality of life’s passages and changes, which is to say things come, things go. Everything changes. Anakin becomes emotionally attached to things, his mother, his wife. That’s why he falls - because he does not have the ability to let go." --George Lucas, Revenge of the Sith commentary “But he become attached to his mother and he will become attached to Padme and these things are, for a Jedi, who needs to have a clear mind and not be influenced by threats to their attachments, a dangerous situation. And it feeds into fear of losing things, which feeds into greed, wanting to keep things, wanting to keep his possessions and things that he should be letting go of. His fear of losing her turns to anger at losing her, which ultimately turns to revenge in wiping out the village. The scene with the Tusken Raiders is the first scene that ultimately takes him on the road to the dark side. I mean he’s been prepping for this, but that’s the one where he’s sort of doing something that is completely inappropriate."--George Lucas, The Star Wars Archives 1999-2005 “[Anakin] turns into Darth Vader because he gets attached to things. He can’t let go of his mother; he can’t let go of his girlfriend. He can’t let go of things. It makes you greedy. And when you’re greedy, you are on the path to the dark side, because you fear you’re going to lose things, that you’re not going to have the power you need.” --George Lucas, Time magazine There's also another quote where he basically says they're really in love but it becomes kinda dysfunctional by the end, but I can't find the direct quote again, so take it with a grain of salt. The point behind the above collection of quotes is that Anidala is both, that it's genuine love--it has to be genuine love for the story to work--and it's toxic--it has to be toxic for the story to work. The whole story is that Anakin fell into attachment (the fear of being without someone, so much that you would do terrible things or rip yourself to pieces over it, that's the Buddhist-aligned definition and the one Star Wars is working with) because he became so greedy and possessive of her that he was willing to murder children just to keep the fear of her death at bay. But in order to be a tragic story, in order for us to care about the relationship and the characters in it, it also has to be genuine and true, there has to be real love there. Ultimately, yes, it was a destructive relationship because that's the basic premise of the story--Anakin's love turned to attachment, it turned to greed, it turned to possessiveness, it turned to horror--that there are signs all along the way, but that the sweet moments are genuine, too, that their laughter in the grass on Naboo is real, that their ache for each other as the war kept them apart was real, that Padme's excitement about having their baby was real, because none of them were monsters when they started out, not even Anakin, for all that he forged himself into one. Our hearts wouldn't break for monsters if there was no love in them to start with. (Whether someone thinks this was well done or not, that's a different argument to be had! But I think fundamentally the thing the story was going for is that they started out sweet, but Anakin's fears and Padme's desire to look the other way over his terrible acts, took them to a very unhealthy, awful place in the end.)

#anakin skywalker #padme amidala #anidala for blacklist #meta

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stargirl-writes · 3 months

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coming back home.

₊˚ପ⊹ 1.4 k | masterlist | fluff / light angst. | no warnings apply.

a certain sadness envelopes your heart as you are going back home after sneaking the night away with anakin skywalker. but as the end comes so close, something inside you rekindles. a new spark of hope.

To be made in flesh was a humiliation

To be limited, by a body that exhausts. For there are so many things you still want to do. But this body tires despite your revolt against it.

As your gaze travels to the deep blue of the Coruscant skies, you feel little. You can zoom into space and travel to the ever-expanding galaxy. You can go to stars in an arms reach. But still, you are reminded of your humanness. The cosmic horror of feeling like a grain of sand on a beach.

And even if you have scanned the galaxy, the fear lingers.

What’s my place in all this?

Where do you belong? If you can scatter yourself to atoms across the stars, will there be any place to keep you whole?

You let out a deep exhale, pushing these thoughts back as they lead to a path you don’t want to venture right now.

Not when Anakin was right here, to your right, one hand on the wheel of the airspeeder and another laced with your fingers.

He was not wearing his usual Jedi attire. A loose tunic replaced his everyday clothes. An unassuming outfit that one might mistake him as an everyday laborer for. It was a disguise so you both could roam around the lower levels of Coruscant without the attention.

Only the scar tracing his temple down to his cheekbone would indicate he’d been a soldier. That he’d been fighting the war at the front lines. But despite that, you were able to sneak to Uhmandasee Market, a place that even the more cultured among Coruscant’s surface dwellers would brave for a more authentic culinary experience.

Stripped away from your usual uniforms and duties, you finally had the space to simply be and enjoy each other’s company.

The faded neon lights blur as Anakin drives back up to the surface. This was the most pleasant evening you have had since the year began. You didn’t want to go back to the temple, back to your responsibilities. Not yet.

“Anakin,” You called.

“Hm?” He tilts his chin, his eyes still fixed on the traffic.

There was an ease in his expression. One that was so hard to see these days.

“I don’t want to go back yet”

His lips turned to a soft smile. "Let’s drive around” He lifts your entangled arms and plants a kiss to your palm.

Yes. A little more time. Just this once.

The cool city air was brushing from his face. His stance, which was trained to always be upright, slumped back lazily. His breaths were even as if they unraveled and never would tighten again. In the gleaming lights of the city, Anakin looked so right, so in place. The war carved an unending sort of fear in him. It was written in his eyes. The way he’d look at you as if he was memorizing. As if he could lose you anytime.

You want to be able to tell Anakin that it’d be alright. That there will be an after.

There should be, the universe isn’t that cruel to not give you an ending you have earned.

But how can you ease his fears when they are mostly rooted in losing you?

You promised him that you’ll always come back to him. That seemed to be enough to calm the dark thoughts in his mind. Because when all of this is done, you could just be.

No longer knowing glances across the room.

No more assuming the Jedi formality in a room full of people.

No longer trying to hide.

No more trying to gather all your discipline to fight the urge to wrap your arms around him whenever you get to see him.

No more wondering where your place had been because it had always been with him.

If you truly have gone past the point of no return and scattered yourself in atoms across the stars, one thing remains true. That they’d only whisper his name. Because, you can become endless. None more of that human limitation.

You felt something from within rekindle.

A spark of hope.

Hope required so much destruction. Of holding yourself in your arms, bracing for the better, of expecting it’d turn out well when the possibility of the latter truth is heartbreaking.

It takes so much courage. And with this war already requiring every bit of it, you thought, you’d run yourself spent.

Seeming to flush in the momentary ripple in the force, Anakin says, “Obi-Wan was dispatched to Utapau to deal with Grievous today”

You look up, smiling. The end was so near. Maybe that’s why you were scared. Because the air itself has shifted with it. You can almost see the after painting in your brain.

“We can go. Run away, leave this all behind”

“Yes,” You delighted in the fantasy.

But there was an agony that blanketed your mind. And Anakin did not miss it too. You tear your gaze away, cursing the force for having him memorize you so that he can recognize every shift in your emotions.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. The war is ending. You’re right, we could go.” Your heart lodged into your throat.

But he remains unconvinced. It took him one look to stir the speeder upward, away from the designated lanes, closer to the stars. Reverting all his attention to you.

“What is it, angel?” He repeats, voice a lot more inviting urging you to say what's on your mind.

You shyly look up, ashamed to be feeling so solemn. “No, really, I am happy that this is all ending…” You trailed, not wanting to ruin this night.

But he looks at you, listening and waiting for you to continue.

“I just can’t help but think of the years we’ve lost. What we should have done with it.” You revealed the causes of your regrets.

“I don’t know. I just can’t stop thinking about it” You added, trying to dilute the sadness.

His palms find a way to cup your face. His fingers pressing softly against the thin skin of your neck.

“We can never take it back, I know, maybe in another lifetime” You managed a wan smile.

Then his head dips, chuckling at your last remark. “Why not in this one?”

You can’t help but mirror the smile plastered on his face.

“You’re such a geek” You giggled, retreating to your seat.

“No, I’m serious. We can still make all of this worthwhile” He claims, gaze now falling to the Coruscant skies.

“Well, I’ve always wanted to see the outside of this galaxy. What lies beyond” The thought of having all the time after it cheered you up.

“I was thinking to go back to Uhmandasee”

You chuckled, never having considered exploring this galaxy first. “Of course.”

Perhaps, when that near future comes, you’ll finally be able to. Even with your human limitations. A lifetime of searching the stars doesn’t sound so bad, after all.

Gold wrapped the surface of Coruscant as dawn came. Like you had anticipated, the Jedi Council has already assigned you to your final missions.

You woke up with this renewed view. A promise of tomorrow. Your heart no longer lodged with every step you take.

Just one more.

"I hope you don't mind, I just wanted to look at you a little longer" Anakin tucks you in a corner.

Your ship waited by the hanger, the hatch already wide open.

You smiled up, trying to inspire some hope "You'll have all the time when I come home"

His eyes flickered. Then he purses his lips. A second of doubt, then he blinks, as if awakened from some dream. It was like the roles switched and now he was the one riddled with fear. Your fingers tangled in his hair, giving him a final look before stepping back. You were ready to finish this mission.

An arm clasps around yours before you could step inside your ship.

"Come back to me" He says with a longing look. It was like he was pleading you to stay. But he knows you can't so he'd settle for the promise of you coming back.

"I'll always come back to you" You repeated the vow you have always said before departing.

He nods, gently letting go.

As your ship enters the atmosphere and into hyperspace. You wondered whether you should've read into that look in his eyes.

There was something he was trying to communicate. One that you may have missed as you flush with a newfound excitement. Because that wasn't a goodbye. Not to you, anyway.

love love love doomed by the narrative characters.

and yes, reader will never find her way back to the only place she thought she belongs to because anakin will turn to vader haha!

[but you can always reject the canon, why not]

#anakin (ciella's ver)#anakin skywalker #star wars #sw #anakin x reader #anakin x you #star wars anakin #anakin #anakin fanfiction #anakin skywalker fanfiction

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starlazergazer · 1 year

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No Where Else to Go

Pairing: Anakin x Reader

Summary: You and Anakin never got along super well, most interactions ending up in some sort of fight about the smallest things. Though when your first solo mission goes wrong you take it hard, thoughts spiraling into dangerous territory you end up on the doorstep of the only man you could think to go to looking for someone to lean on: Anakin Skywalker

Warnings: Hella angst and some swearing

Word count: 4.5k

A/N: Just wrote it on a whim cause I thought it could be cute let me know what you think and feel free to send me any requests you guys have!

You shut down the screen before you, head falling forward into your hands as you rubbed at your aching eyes. You were exhausted, your body was exhausted, your mind was exhausted, your eyes were exhausted, you were more than ready to leave the library and go crash in your room. Despite everything, however, a note of pride still rang through you at having finished.

You did it this time, you genuinely put in the work like your master was always nagging you about, you spent more hours in the library researching the planet your next mission was on than you had ever before, reading every article, text, map, etc. available to you until your eyes were ready to roll out of their sockets.

And maybe your master had a point because more than anything you felt prepared, like you could do this, your first solo mission and already you felt set for success.

As you stood your hand went out to the table where you had placed your lightsaber, not liking the way it dragged down your belt while you sat, but found nothing but empty table.

You scrunched your brows in confusion, ducking down to check the floor because you were sure that was where you had put it, that was where you always put it, right within reach.

The panic was starting to set in as the floor seemed empty too, your master was going to kill you if you showed up without a lightsaber again. Dropping to your knees quickly, your hands reached out blindly, desperately hoping they somehow hit the saber your eyes couldn’t see.

Anakin watched you crawl on the floor beneath your table with a small smirk, hiding behind a nearby shelf. His eyes cutting to the top shelf where your saber was precariously balanced just out of your reach.

He told himself that it was for your own good, that you needed to learn to keep better track of your saber, to take better note of your surroundings.

You’d been in the library since this morning, Anakin had taken the saber an hour after you arrived, and it was now well into the night and you were just now noticing it was gone.

And though a part of him said he should just give it back, another part relished at the idea of little miss perfect showing up to the next council meeting without her lightsaber.

You’d no doubt get a slap on the wrist, the masters may trip over each other as they tried to drown you with replacements.

If he’d shown up without it? Well that’d be a completely different story. Just further proof the Skywalker boy wasn’t to be trusted.

He ducked further behind the shelf as you came up to your feet, eyes desperately scanning the library, and though he registered the look of sheer panic on your face at missing it a large part of him didn’t care. You sailed through Jedi training like it was nothing, you could handle the minor inconvenience of losing your lightsaber for a bit.

With a small huff he turned and made his way towards the library door, only at the last second reaching out with the force just enough to tip your saber off the shelf, sending it clattering to the floor.

Maybe it wasn’t such a large part of him afterall.

You looked proudly on at the holodisplay before you, an up to date projection of the facilities layout displayed on it. Cobbled together from three different sources found in the library with a single line running through it to display your path.

You let the projection do the talking for you at first, letting the jedi around it survey the area for a bit before laying out your plan, a plan days in the making, a plan so foolproof your first solo mission had no choice but to go off without a hitch. At least until Anakin Skywalker got his hands on it.

“So you can see here there’s a series of old tunnels running beneath the building” you’d barely begun before Anakin started talking, not even acknowledging that you had been speaking as he cut you off.

“What’s this over here?”

You fought down your anger as you followed his gesture, you were not going to blow up in front of the jedi council not even if Anakin deserved it “Guarded door into the facility overlooking a 100 foot cliff” you answered quickly, refusing to give into his musings more than you had to.

“But as you can see over here” you were already trying to pivot, hand extended to point towards your point of entry before Anakin was speaking again.

“Why don’t you enter here it’s a straight path to the cells where he would be held” He asked the question as if this were the obvious solution, as if you hadn’t spent hours pouring over the building’s layout and he mere minutes.

“Because that would involve free climbing a 100 foot cliff right beneath guard’s noses” you answered simply, trying to keep as much venom from your voice as possible.

“If you don’t think you can handle it my men and I-“

This time you weren’t afraid to cut him off, to snap back. How dare he come and try and take over your mission in front of the council like this. How dare he imply you were incapable of free climbing when it was easily the dumbest way to sneak in. How dare he try and steam roll his way over your days of preparations with a plan he devised in two minutes flat

“Why risk a free climb like that when the tunnel system runs right to the cells as well. Do you just enjoy putting your men at risk padawan Skywalker” you put as much emphasis on the “padawan” as possible, enjoying the glare he sent your way from across the projection.

“This door is a straight shot you could be in and out in a matter of minutes” he shot back, leaning forward with both hands resting on the edges of the display “not having to deal with the mess that is tunnel system navigation”

If you didn’t know any better you’d say he was enjoying this. You mirrored his position, “Why risk the lives of more men when you could take a few extra minutes to take a more stealthy approach” you shot back with a raised brow.

You barely registered the hand at your back, having almost forgotten about the rest of the people in the room as you fought with Anakin. Your body, however, acted on instinct, posture snapping back to an upright position, your hands coming to clasp behind your back just as you had been taught, your eyes snaking briefly up to your master’s as he gave you an approving nod at your correction.

You were going to pay for that outburst later.

“This is padawan L/N’s mission” Master Windu’s voice broke your gaze from your master, your eyes snapping to him as you hid your victorious grin behind a mask “If she wants to take a more strategic stealth approach than so be it”

You just couldn’t help yourself, your eyes snapped back to Anakin’s to see him already looking at you, eyes roaming up and down as if to measure you up and you felt a certain victory in that. That’s right Skywalker you just lost.

“Of the plan we approve” Master Yoda spoke up drawing your attention back to the masters “Leave tomorrow you shall”

As trained to do you bowed at his words, making sure to make eye contact as you came back up, keeping a serious expression “thank you masters”

You followed the sound of fluttering robes out the council chambers, ignoring the feeling of Anakin’s gaze on you as you left, fixing your own on the back of your master’s head as you followed him out of the door

The ship was quiet, much too quiet.

The ride there had been joyous, rowdy, excited, bouts of congratulations and good lucks as you were about to lead them on your first solo mission, but now?

You looked around the ship, troopers silently sitting with heads in hands, staring off into the distance, looking down at seats unoccupied, seats that shouldn’t be unoccupied.

The ship landed without a hitch and the troopers wordlessly filled out, most avoiding eye contact as they passed, you never leaving your seat.

“Hey” the sound of your clone commander’s voice caught you off guard, making you jump slightly as your head snapped up to meet Alex’s gaze from above you “it’s not your fault kid”

Your gaze dropped immediately, as you refused to even acknowledge the words, refused to let them enter your mind, refused to accept the lie.

“Look” you heard Alex sigh and despite everything a part of you wanted to scream, wanted to order him to just leave, wanted to be left alone “get some sleep, we’ll talk about it in the morning”

But Alex had had a hard night too, they were his friends you had lost, the last thing he needed was you yelling at him “yeah alright”

But still you didn’t move, didn’t look up till you felt his hand clasp on your shoulder, giving you a nod towards the exit, showing you he wasn’t leaving without you.

And again you wanted to argue but it was late, you were tired, maybe he was right.

Slowly you pushed yourself to your feet and walked off the ship, breaking towards your room quickly without a word, ready to put as much distance between you and any reminder of tonight as possible.

But as soon as you got to your door you paused, finding yourself unable to go in, unable to just give up and forget. Men had died tonight under your command, didn’t they deserve better than to just be forgotten like that?

You turned slowly and started aimlessly off down the hall, no destination in mind though your brain was too occupied to have directed you towards one anyway.

Every mistake you had made played over in your mind, every negative comment handed down from your master echoed in it, you were smarter than this, you should’ve been smarter than this.

You didn’t even know their names.

That’s what really hit you. You’d been working to remember them all but there were so many and you had been too caught up in your plan they never stuck. Men had followed you into the unknown, obeyed your every command and died in its service, and you couldn’t even think of their names.

It was like every negative thought you had ever thought about yourself was coming true in one night, you weren’t a good jedi, you couldn’t be trusted on your own, you really can’t think for yourself.

And before you knew it there was a painful lump in the middle of your throat, inching its way up. There was a slight water to your eyes, your nose threatened to drip.

All at once the world seemed to be crashing down around you and there was nothing you could do to try and balance it.

You could feel your breathing change as you tried to swallow the lump, tried to push down your emotions.

Your first instinct was to meditate, that seemed to be the jedi catch all answer to emotions, but hours spent alone with your thoughts right now did not sound like a good idea.

A part of you recognized that what you needed to do was talk to someone, get every thought off your chest and out into the open, someone to tell you how to fix it.

Your master was out of the question immediately, knowing he would be nothing more than another voice confirming every worst thought you had about yourself, confirming your every mistake, making sure to punish you for each.

But if not your master than who? You didn’t have anyone else having spent your entire time as a jedi training to be the best you could possibly be. And look where that got you, a screw up jedi with no friends.

You could feel the thoughts start to spiral again and it made you want to scream at how helpless you felt, a slave to your own emotions.

And then you were at his door before you could even justify your own thought process to yourself, a hand raised to knock before you could stop it, ready to take back the knock the second after you did it.

No noise came from the other side of the door and a part of you thought about just walking away, pretending you had never knocked in the first place, let Anakin think he had been pranked.

Then the door slid open.

Before you stood a shirtless Anakin Skywalker, hair tossed in a million different directions, eyes squinted as they fought against the dim light in the hallway. “Y/N?”

His voice was thick and sluggish, eyebrows drawn together in confusion as he looked down at you, using the heel of his palm to rub at his eyes, to rid them of sleep or to check that it was really you standing before him you weren’t sure which.

“I-uh” you stuttered at first, instantly feeling the regret at having woke him “I’m sorry I didn’t-I” you couldn’t get the full sentence out, your mind still swirling, your eyes glued to his face refusing to look any further to his exposed torso.

“Y/N what’s going on?”

And maybe it was because it was the first time he had spoke to you without a hint of malice but you froze at the question. Every thought immediately leaving your brain as you looked up at him. The lump in your throat practically at the back of your mouth as you fought to keep any tears at bay. “I didn’t know where else to go”

And you know you looked pathetic, coming to his door in the middle of the night, eyes full of tears that had yet to spill, admitting to him you had no one to go to in a voice smaller and more fragile than you had ever heard it before, and a part of you mentally prepared for mocking.

Instead his expression practically melted off his face, eyebrows now scrunched together in concern as his eyes darted up and down the hallway as if to see what had brought you to him.

And yet still he placed a soft hand on your shoulder and stepped aside, offering no more than a soft “come in”

You should have known what to expect from Anakin’s room, that it would be identical to yours, afterall its hard to have any clutter when the only possessions you were allowed was the clothes on your back and a lightsaber. Still to see the mirror image of your own room caught you off guard.

“Give me one second” he said softly as he slipped around you into another room.

And though a part of you felt awkward being alone in the room for the first time a bigger part of you was tired. Tired of standing, tired of thinking, tired of everything. So you slowly made your way to the nearest wall and slid down it, your head going to your knees as you leaned back against it.

Anakin to his credit said nothing about where you chose to sit when he returned, fully clothed this time, with a glass of water in hand.

Wordlessly he held it out to you, giving you a small nod as you thanked him before sitting down against the wall next to you, letting the silence hang in the air for a moment, probably curious to see if you wanted to be the first to break it.

“You had a mission tonight right?” he asked almost hesitantly “your first solo”

You sighed deeply, pulling your knees tighter into your chest as you leaned your head back against the wall, knowing you came here to have this conversation but still somewhat hoping to avoid it “yeah”

“I’m guessing it went well then”

And despite everything you heard yourself chuckle at that. “you could say that”

And again silence fell, Anakin not wanting to push the subject too far, you not wanting to be the first to broach it.

“Your plan was good though” He spoke up again surprising you “go in through the tunnels, I liked that”

“No you didn’t?” A laugh bubbled in your chest as you countered with a raised brow “you fought hard for the free climb in meeting with the council”

“I just wanted to know that you had considered other options” he shrugged nonchalantly as if it were obvious, peeking through the corner of his eyes to catch your confused expression “You tend to get fixated on a solution you know? Even if it is a good plan you get so fixated on making it perfect sometimes you never consider anything else which can be limiting”

At some point in his rambles you had turned your head more fully to look at him, eyebrows drawn in confusion as he started to speak faster and faster, words all but spilling out of him almost awkwardly, the most un-Anakin like thing you had ever seen him do.

“How do you-“

He cut off your question with a shrug, for the first time turning his head to meet your gaze, speaking lowly and softly “I pay attention”

You felt yourself grow almost embarrassed under his gaze, watching as his eyes skimmed briefly over your features, a weird level of intimacy you had never received from him before.

“Well for the record it worked” you tried to break the tension, breaking eye contact to look back out at the room “that door ended up being our exit strategy when things went bad”

“See, should listen to me more often” he joked with a smug smile, turning his gaze to match yours, feeling his shoulder softly brush against yours as he resituated.

A chuckle more resembling a few quick breaths escaped you as the corners of your mouth tipped up as you felt yourself relax a little further, leaning further back against the wall. “If it was all to help me then why were you like that in the meeting?” you asked him, voice growing quiet once again, looking at him through the side of your eyes.

At this Anakin let out a sigh, a hand coming up to run anxiously through his hair. “I do that a lot don’t I?”

“I just don’t get it” you shook your head in response “did I do something?”

“No” Anakin was quick to assure you in an almost sad voice “No you didn’t do anything, least not intentionally”

You let the silence after his answer hang in the air, waiting for him to continue, giving him a second to collect his thoughts.

“You know the jedi council didn’t want to train me when I first came to the temple?” Everyone of course knew this but it was a rhetorical question anyways, he wasn’t expecting an answer “Qui-gon had to argue with them, promise to take me in himself before they allowed it.” He paused for a second, you could hear a shaky breath being drawn before he continued “since then it’s felt like I have this intense amount of pressure on me to live up to being the chosen one, to bring balance to the force, and yet the jedi council, the very people I’m supposed to look up to, never seemed to trust that I could do it, no matter what I did. Then I met you” a humorless chuckle escaped him at those last words with a small shake of his head “and it was like you were everything I wanted to be effortlessly”

Your eyebrows were drawn together again at his words, unable to fathom how anyone could think anything you did was effortless, anything you did was good.

“You had the praise of every teacher, the jedi council practically eating out of your hand so excited to see where you would go” he trailed off, eyes scanning the room rapidly as if physically looking for his next words “I was jealous”

And at his words you couldn’t help but let your own humorless chuckle escape, Anakin’s head snapping in your direction at the sound, eyes slightly narrowed trying to see if you were making fun of him or not.

“You know what realization I came to tonight” you asked him, refusing to make eye contact as you spoke almost bitterly “I realized that you are my closest friend. Ever since I met you we have done nothing but fight with one another when forced to interact and yet when I needed someone to be there for me tonight you were the only name I could think of”

Anakin didn’t comment, leaning softly into your side instead as if to say that despite everything he was there for you, you gave him a playful small bump with your own arm in response before continuing.

“I’ve spent every second of my life here doing everything I could to be a good jedi. Training, studying, meditating, I’ve completely isolated myself and for what? A half dead clone army under my command?” You shook your head with a sigh, your head lightly bumping against the wall as you leaned back against it “In my head I was always jealous of you. You were the chosen one, you had the councils undivided attention, and everyone knew you were going to go on to do big things regardless of how hard you tried. It felt like I was playing catchup to what you came by naturally”

“Believe me it’s not their attention you want when they’re all convinced you’re going to turn to the dark side at any minute” he responded sadly making you shake your head slowly.

“It’s not just that” you sighed with a small chuckle “You’re respected almost universally ya know? It’s not just that the whole room pauses when you walk in its that the meeting doesn’t even start until you do. You pitch an idea and the whole room quiets to listen. You say you’re just going to wing it instead of coming up with a plan and there isn’t a single objection. Whether or not anyone thinks you could turn to the dark side one day I can tell you right now you’ve earned the Jedi order’s respect”

He was silent for a moment, turning your words over in his head, before speaking “Looks like someone else pays attention” and you could hear the smile in his voice.

Your own grew on your face as you felt your cheeks heat slightly, rolling your eyes dramatically though you knew he wasn’t looking to see it “I can at least say this, despite your best efforts you have my respect”

“You know” you could hear the smile in his voice again, a small chuckle rumbling in his chest as he spoke “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me”

Without even thinking you swung your arm around to hit him in the bicep, no where near hard enough to hurt though he still jumped back with a laugh “shut up and take the compliment Skywalker.”

He rubbed his arm dramatically as his laughter started to die down, the dark room once again falling into silence though this one was significantly more comfortable than before.

“Whole point of what I’m trying to say though is that I think you’re an amazing Jedi” he continued softly, leaning back again with the side of his arm completely flush with your own “and eventhough I don’t know what happened with your mission tonight I know it wasn’t your fault”

You felt the lump grow in your throat again at the reminder, a soft shake of your head all you could do to try and keep it under control “but how could you know that?”

“I saw your plan” he shrugged casually “it was rock solid, but mostly because I know you. I know you spent 10 hours yesterday in the library researching. I know that even if you can get fixated on your own plan you’re good at thinking on your feet when things go wrong. And I know if anyone’s life around you is in danger you’re fighting like hell to protect him”

And despite everything that you had running through your head tonight you found yourself nodding along. Because even though a part of you was still sure there was more you could’ve done realistically you knew you had done all you could under the circumstances. That sometimes things happen that are out of your control, but you still managed to keep most of them alive, that had to count for something. “Thanks Anakin. I think I really needed to hear that”

“I meant every word” he assured you with a soft smile and a small affectionate nudge “And for the record f I were ever captured and held hostage I would say I want you to come rescue me but I’m worried Obi-wan would get jealous”

And at that you laughed loudly, letting your head fall back naturally, feeling lighter than you had all night “Nah I understand, we got to make sure he still feels important in his old age”

He chuckled back with a nod “exactly you get it”

Slowly you released your knees from your chest, letting them lengthen out in front of you no longer feeling the need to ball up and make yourself small, giving Anakin’s room one final look before swearing softly under your breath “shit it’s super late isn’t it I’m sorry for keeping you up”

Anakin quickly shook his head and waved you off with a small smile “no don’t worry about it, I’m glad we could talk. Do you want to stay here? You could have the bed and I could sleep out here”

You smiled but returned with a similar shake of your head, pushing yourself off the ground up to your feet “no that’s okay I’ll go back to my own room”

Anakin stood up and followed you to the door, pausing within the doorway as you exited out into the hallway “Well if you ever need to talk or anything, or just want to hang out…” he let the end of his sentence hang in the air, not quite sure how to finish it though that was hardly important, you were already nodding appreciatively.

“Same goes for you, talk or need to hide from the council let me know”

He chuckled back, leaning casually against the door frame as you started off down the hallway calling out after you before you got too far “goodnight Y/N”

You spun around to face him as you continued to walk, giving him a small wave “goodnight Ani”

#anakin x reader #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin imagine #Anakin Skywalker #anakin skywalker imagine #anakin fanfiction #skywalker x reader #anakin x you #anakin x y/n #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker x y/n #star wars fanfiction #star wars imagine #star wars x you #star wars x reader #star wars x y/n

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ahsoka-in-a-hood · 4 months

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I can do what I wanna. Have a new poll, for science:

Option 1: Palpatine got actively involved in Anakin's life early on. They saw each other often, and in private. Palpatine quickly became a sort of grandfather figure to Anakin, always in competition with Obi Wan, whom he subtly instigated doubts about in Anakin's mind from a young age, among other things.

Option 2: For most of Anakin's padawanship, Palpatine was an acquaintance. He saw him occasionally, when their paths would cross in (seemingly) natural ways. A thank you for his service to Naboo. Work or events that brought Obi Wan (and therefore Anakin) into contact with the Chancellorship. The occasional debriefing. Perhaps they were invited to a festival of the lights one time. This and that. Palpatine was always happy to see him, and praised him, and showed an interest in what he thought whenever these meetings happened. Anakin liked and was influenced by him. Groundwork was laid, but it was generally above board.

Palpatine really got close to Anakin around/after aotc. Knighthood, losing his arm, the war- and of course, Anakin was reeling from his mother's death and his actions on Tatooine, which along with his secret marriage had him closing up like a clam with Obi Wan. Palpatine pulled him into his orbit just when he was finding his feet, and avoiding his former social net. This is when Palpatine really started to get his hooks into him. By RotS, Anakin was thinking of him as a father figure.

(I feel like I have less to say about option 1 because it's the more self-explanatory one)

#sheev palpatine #anakin skywalker #for the record i like both versions. they each have their own appeal.#...i decided not to give a non binary option. guess you'll have to pick!

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antianakin · 4 months

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@theneutralmime

So again I'm going to hit this in a few parts because I think there's a few different things happening depending on the situation.

Plo's insistence that they will be found in the Malevolence arc is serving two purposes: he's presumably choosing to have faith in the Force which could be telling him to keep hope, AND he's saying what needs to be said to keep his men's spirits up. If they go into this fight believing it's hopeless anyway, then the chances are a LOT higher that they'll end up dead, whereas if they keep a little more faith in their chances of being found, it'll give them the best chance possible. He's also just trying to lift up the clones' self-esteem in GENERAL because they're mentioning that they're "expendable" which is why they have no hope in being rescued. It's not that they think the situation is completely unsalvagable, but that nobody would bother risking their lives to save a few clones when there's so many of them and they can be so easily replaced. What Plo is doing here isn't that far off from what Yoda does just the episode before with Thire, Jek, and Rys: he's affirming that he sees the clones as PEOPLE worthy of caring about and fighting for, not because they're tools he needs in the war but just because they're THEM. There is nothing else Plo can do in this situation aside from keeping them alive as long as possible, and the best way he can do that is to keep their hopes up and keep them fighting. So regardless of whether he personally believes their chances of discovery are high or not, their best chance is for Plo to convince the clones he believes they'll be found.

ANAKIN'S reaction is completely separate from that (unless you believe that Plo is sort-of listening to the Force which is telling him to keep up hope and that that's possibly coming from Anakin and Ahsoka's choices here). Anakin is basically just bending the rules here because he can tell Ahsoka cares about this. I don't personally believe Anakin would've ACTUALLY gone after Plo in this situation if Ahsoka hadn't been there and being so vocal about her feelings on the matter. I think Anakin likely would've recognized the situation as a pretty foregone conclusion and continued on in his own mission. Keep in mind that this isn't the first attack by the Malevolence and in the other situations, there were no survivors. There's no actual reason to believe Plo is alive this time and it's a LOT more logical to assume that he didn't make it. Ahsoka is being emotional because she's young and she cares about Plo and wants to abandon her own mission in order to go check on someone she cares about, which is something that could potentially have dire consequences in other areas.

What Anakin does is try to find a loophole of sorts that allows them to still complete their original mission while accomplishing this other task, too. And while this logic works out for him, it assumes that nothing is going to happen to his fleet on the way to their final destination while he's gone. He is, effectively, abandoning his entire battalion in order to go save ONE PERSON (because I don't for a SECOND believe he cares about the 104th, he only cares about Plo because that's who AHSOKA cares about). If the 501st had gotten attacked mid-route somehow or they'd had issues along the way, they were left without either Jedi General or Commander to help them out. Yes, Plo and his three men would've died, but losing an entire fleet (which would be in ADDITION to losing Plo's entire battalion) would be far worse in the long run.

And this is why Anakin keeps getting away with acting like this. He takes massive risks in the name of emotional attachments that COULD have dire consequences but he manages to just keep getting lucky, which he convinces himself means that he was RIGHT. But that's not how it works, it's not the same thing. And eventually, that kind of thinking is going to lead him down the wrong path and he won't get so lucky.

You can also look at this situation like the trolley problem. Ideally, they'd like to just stop the trolley before it gets to either line with people on it. But if they CAN'T stop the trolley in time (and they have no control over which line it goes to), and the trolley's now hit that line with one person on it, is it better to go check and see if that one person survived being hit or is it better to go get the other people off the trolley line so they DON'T get hit by a trolley at all? It's possible another trolley might never come down, it's possible that that one person is still alive and could survive if only they're attended to in time. But it's also just as possible that a second trolley might come down and hit those other people on the other track while you're off saving that one person who's already been hit.

Now let's look at Luminara on Geonosis during the factory explosion. Here we get a more direct comparison between how a REAL Jedi handles the possibility of losing someone they care about and how ANAKIN handles the possibility of losing someone he cares about. The main difference for me here is the way they ultimately end up treating EACH OTHER. There's zero evidence that Luminara WOULDN'T have supported Anakin's attempts at finding them, and in fact there's actually evidence to support that Luminara was ALSO trying to look for them when she knelt down on the ground to meditate (something Anakin, like most of the fandom, tends to misinterpret as Luminara dropping to her knees in grief). When Anakin sees what he THINKS is Luminara losing herself to emotion, he's completely capable of being compassionate and reaching out to comfort Luminara, but when she responds that she's actually okay and will deal with Barriss's death if it happens, his compassion EVAPORATES. Almost like it was never even there and wasn't truly compassion in the first place (it's not that selfless if it's only offered when she adheres to HIS idea of how to properly grieve). And he never gives her the benefit of the doubt after this, never tries to understand her perspective AT ALL. All he does is continue to provoke her and harass her and then when they DO find Barriss and Ahsoka, Anakin IMMEDIATELY chooses to throw Luminara under the bus and accuse her of not caring about her own padawan RIGHT IN FRONT OF BARRISS.

Luminara, by contrast, continuously reaches out to Anakin to offer HIM compassion. Even in the face of his being a complete and utter asshole, his anger and selfishness towards her, she recognizes that this is Anakin GRIEVING the possibility of having lost Ahsoka, and so she offers selfless comfort ANYWAY. Even as he lashes out at her, even as he rejects her comfort and advice, she keeps offering it. Because she's a TRUE Jedi while Anakin is only a Jedi in name and nowhere is that more obvious than in this super direct parallel.

And you can compare this later to the advice Plo gives Anakin about Ahsoka during the Padawan Lost arc where he says that all Anakin can do at this point is trust that he's given her enough training to find her own way home. When there's nothing Anakin can truly do to help, he just has to trust in Ahsoka and trust in the Force to guide her. He has to trust he's been a good enough teacher. And in both the Geonosis episode with Luminara and the Padawan Lost arc with Plo, Ahsoka DOES manage to save herself. Anakin isn't really the person who does anything to save Ahsoka on Geonosis because he has no idea where to even start looking and it's a large area to search and they don't have enough time to search everywhere. Ahsoka sends a signal that gets through to the others, though, and THAT'S what saves her. It's something Anakin taught her before, sure, but nothing Anakin is doing right now in this moment is helping and THAT'S what Luminara is trying to impress upon him. All they can do right now, just like Plo and his men with the Malevolence, is trust in the Force and WAIT. Luminara is keeping herself calm, focused, and centered because getting emotional isn't going to help Barriss. Anakin getting emotional certainly doesn't help Ahsoka.

This is also a lesson we see pop up in other areas, as well. We see Obi-Wan getting taught a similar lesson during AOTC where he has to just trust he's taught Anakin well enough that he can manage his own obstacles and fix his own mistakes on a solo mission. He has to let go of his worries and doubts enough to let Anakin go because that's just how growing up works. And while we as the audience know that there's absolutely good reason to worry about Anakin being able to handle a solo mission, the Jedi aren't wrong to advise Obi-Wan to give Anakin room to make his own mistakes so he can grow. Also, in the episode JUST PRIOR to the one with Luminara, Landing at Point Rain, we see Anakin dealing with the loss of a loved one in the RIGHT way. Obi-Wan's ship crashes and Anakin is stuck far away and they don't know if Obi-Wan is injured or even alive. But Anakin is also still with Ahsoka and their troops, trying to get to the original landing site. Anakin COULD run ahead and try to get to Obi-Wan's ship to help him, but he'd be abandoning everybody else in order to do so and there's tons of enemies between them and the landing site, so the chances that they'd make it without his help are slim at best. So when Ahsoka starts getting emotional about wanting to help Obi-Wan, Anakin has to be the one to teach her this and tell her that they can't just go running off when it means abandoning other people to die. All they can do is protect the people they have the ability to protect and trust that in the Force and in Obi-Wan's own abilities.

So it's not like Anakin doesn't KNOW how he's supposed to handle this situation. He literally does EXACTLY what Luminara does JUST THE LAST EPISODE and teaches this exact fucking lesson to his own Padawan like the day before. And yet, when he's losing it and someone else is having to remind him about it, he can't take his own advice. He forgets everything he's ever learned and instead becomes a complete asshole to someone who has done nothing to deserve it.

So the lesson here isn't that you should never do anything to try to help people that MIGHT be dead, it's about prioritizing and knowing what it is you CAN do in the situation. With Plo, Anakin and Ahsoka CAN go save Plo, sure, but it means making a concession somewhere else. They prioritize saving Plo over staying with their own battalion. Plo has to prioritize keeping his men alive which means he has to choose to be optimistic even in the face of low odds because all he CAN do is keep fighting to stay alive as long as possible. Anakin can't REALLY do anything for Ahsoka when the factory explodes because he just has too little information to act on and this drives him NUTS. AHSOKA can work on sending a signal to him, but all Anakin can do is WAIT and have faith that Ahsoka will find a way out. Anakin's not so good at the faith thing, though, just canonically. Anakin doesn't like letting go of that much control in his life (or the lives of people he cares about). Luminara, however, CAN let go of the need to have control over everything and is doing what little she CAN do, which is reaching out with the Force to see if she can sense where Barriss is and keeping herself calm and focused.

Anakin IS wrong both times. The fact that things work out for him both times doesn't make him right in either instance. Remember, the exact things that cause him to make the choices he does HERE are the same things he uses to convince himself it's okay to commit a genocide against the Jedi later in order to save Padme. It's the exact same reasoning, he just gets lucky these times and gets LESS lucky later.

#star wars #anakin critical #anakin skywalker critical #luminara unduli #plo koon #barriss offee #jedi #pro jedi #attachment #attachment ≠ love

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theatrelove3000 · 1 year

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You’re On Your Own, Kid

This is the first Obi-Wan fic I have posted, let alone let someone other than two close friends read. It took me three months of no time, energy, or inspiration to finish this, but it’s finally done, and I am actually really proud of it. I am thinking about expanding this, depending on the time I have and the inspiration as it comes. Let me know if you like this and want to see more!

Sith! Obi-Wan x former padawan reader

Warnings: I suck at warnings. Uhhh, dark side, mentions of death, maybe manipulation, kissing but only a little, canon violence (dude gets an arm cut off), lightsabers, Sith! Obi. I think that is it. The reader was his padawan but they didn’t start training together until she was already an adult. The reader wears a dress but I don’t think I used pronouns? Lmk if I missed anything else.

Summary: When your master suddenly falls into the darkness, you are left alone to be subject to the watchful, judging, mistrusting eyes of the Jedi Council. It’s one thing to lose a master, you’ve lost one before Obi. It’s something else to lose the man you love. Especially when you can still hear his whispers.

Inspired by Taylor Swift’s You’re On Your Own, Kid! Recommend listening while reading this

Three months, two weeks, and six days.

That's how long it's been since you last saw Obi Wan. He'd go on missions that could be that long, or longer, but this time stretch was harder because you know he isn't coming back. Obi Wan is gone. He left the order. He abandoned you.

At least, that's what you keep telling yourself.

You try to stay upset and hurt about it but it's becoming more difficult by the day. Watching your master walk away from the only home and family he ever knew was a major shock to everyone. He always preached about how the Jedi Order was good, right, and peaceful, yet suddenly, he was gone after causing quite the stir in a council meeting.

He had come back to your shared apartment and marched right over to you, grabbed you by your elbow and drew you into his chest. He was always more physically affectionate with you but this was something different. Something unsettling. He had wrapped you in a tight hug, breathing in the scent of you before dropping his head and whispering one thing in your ear.

"My chains are broken. The force has freed me."

And then he was gone.

It was explained to you later that your master had fallen and you were to be reassigned to complete your training. You had been set to take your trials for your knighthood in a few weeks but due to Obi Wan's sudden switch to the dark side, they feared you harbored the same beliefs he revealed he had to the council.

Your new master is… for lack of a better word, an ass. She is your third master. Your first one, who had selected you at a young age, died a few years back. Obi Wan decided to complete your training, since you were just three or four years from knighthood, already an adult. This new master is short and cold and uncaring. You had just been through a rapid and difficult transition and she held no compassion in her eyes, only wariness and dislike. She didn't trust you.

No one did now. All the friends you had no longer speak to you because they fear you are unstable and dangerous. You never showed signs of leaning into the dark side but because Obi Wan fell, you also must be dark. His apprentice. Only Anakin still speaks to you. Occasionally, Master Yoda invites you to meditate with him as well, though you suspect he is doing so to check on your signature. Master Yoda is a kind and gentle soul but he must be wary. You understand. Sort of.

It isn't until the heat of summer fades and cool winter winds start to blow that you start to hear him.

My darling.

Little dove.

Sweet one.

Angel.

The terms of endearment your master used to call you whisper through your mind, as though he were right behind you. You feel his presence when you're alone and see him in your dreams. You'd thought if you dreamed of him, they'd be nightmares but they aren't. They're sweet dreams. Almost memories but with slight changes.

Mornings after nightmares when you'd wake in his bed wrapped in his embrace, though he lets his hands wander more. Presses kisses to your neck and shoulders. Messing up on purpose during training so he'd have to wrap his arms around you to fix your form but he stands far closer, holding you tightly to his body.

You knew you loved him before he left but he never showed signs of returning the feeling. It wasn't until he was gone that the signs appeared. For a while, you thought it was just your mind grieving the loss of him. That is, until he comes to you.

~~~~~

Anakin manages to convince the council that you need to get out of the temple, take on a mission again. He's always been persuasive, though at first the council wasn't inclined to grant his request. Through many meetings and solid evidence that you're not like Obi Wan, they allow it on the condition that he keeps you in his line of sight at all times. He agrees readily and tells you to pack a bag.

After explaining the mission, he takes you to Padme so she can help you find a dress. You're attending a gala the senate is holding in order to ease tensions, though with the way the galaxy is now it will only raise them.

That's how you find yourself standing in a big ballroom wearing a long sleeve, floor length dress. Despite the dress still being modest compared to the other women around you, you still feel exposed. Your Jedi robes leave everything up to imagination but this dress does not. It's more form fitting and accentuates certain parts of your body in a very flattering way, while still being conservative.

"My, my. What have we here? Did you lose your way, Little dove?"

The voice makes you freeze. You spin around, looking for the owner but see no one. You shake your head, hoping to rid yourself of the panic and hope that had appeared with the voice.

"Did you stray too far from home? Do you need help finding the path?"

You know his voice better than you know your own. He's here somewhere. You can feel his eyes on you even if you can't see him.

You turn slightly, searching the crowd for Anakin. He's talking with some of the senators, Padme by his side. He's occupied.

You start walking.

Letting yourself out of the ballroom, you wander through the halls of the massive building the gala is being held in. You had seen a terrace when you first arrived and been escorted in. There it is. You open the doors and step out into the cool night air.

You don't hear him as he follows you or as he shuts the doors to the terrace. You don't hear him take the last few strides necessary to stand behind you, closing the distance between you. The only sign that you were correct is the feeling of his hands on your hips. They're warm and strong and certain, just as they always were.

"My Little Dove." His greeting is whispered into your hair just above your ear.

"Master-"

"I am not your master any more, my darling." He interrupts you, his voice sending goosebumps down your arms. "I am simply a being you meet in your travels as a pawn in a game your side can't win. I am only a man who has missed you very dearly."

You take a deep breath, praying your voice won't shake as you respond, "you wouldn't have had to miss me if you hadn't gone."

The hum he gives in response is deep, seemingly coming from low in his chest. "It was time for me to go. I hope you can understand. Places to be and people to see, you know."

"You left me. You abandoned me like everyone else."

He tightens his grip on your hips, fingers digging into them. "I did not abandon you. I never left you, Little Dove. I was always there, always watching. It may have been from a distance but you were never alone."

You try to control your emotions, keep your cool, "Your leaving the Order has shown me I have always been on my own. I didn't choose this life, Obi Wan. It was thrust upon me before I was at an age that I could understand it. I don't remember the sound of my mother's voice. I don't know my father's name."

"I didn't choose it either, darling. Very few of us did. To be entirely honest with you, I dreamed of leaving and yet I stayed. Do you know why, my Little Dove?" His fingers are tracing up your sides delicately, never straying into areas he has not gained permission to touch.

Your voice cracks a bit as you respond, "Why, Obi?"

"I stayed because I needed to be around you. Your presence is my vise, your signature is, simply put, addictive to me. It was inappropriate for me to have the feelings I do for you while you trained under me so I kept them at bay as best I could." His nose grazes your temple as he speaks, the edge of his beard lightly scratching your cheekbone as he speaks, "I didn't do as good a job as I thought. Those around us began questioning our relationship. They said horrible things that I will never allow to reach your innocent ears. I could have killed anyone who ever said anything nasty about you. I still can. All you have to do is ask."

Your breathing falters, though you can't tell if it's from fear or shock or something else. If he catches it, he doesn't say a word. "I don't want that. Murder is still wrong, no matter where you stand politically."

"Ah, but don't you see, my Little Dove? I don't wish to kill for political reasons. I kill for you. Anyone who ever hurt you deserves to go."

"You're frightening me, Master," you whisper shakily. He responds by wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you back against his chest.

"I do not wish for you to fear me, my love. I only want to protect you, to keep you safe. I can continue to do that from afar as I have been these three months. Or… you could come with me." He keeps his voice low, fingers stroking your sides delicately.

"Where? Where would you take me?"

"Home, Little Dove. I will take you home."

You close your eyes, feeling your resolve beginning to crumble. Suddenly the warmth of your former master against your back is gone. You turn and he's nowhere to be seen. The only sign that you did not imagine it is the phantom feeling of his hands on you.

"All you have to do is call for me, my Little Dove. I'll come to save you from your golden cage."

Suddenly you hear your name being called. It takes you a moment to register that it's Anakin's voice. He sounds a little worried. You turn all the way around for the first time since stepping onto the balcony. You use the force to open the doors.

"I'm here, Ani"

His head snaps to face you at your voice and he quickly makes his way over to you, "I've been looking everywhere for you! What the hell are you doing out here?"

"It was a little stuffy in there. I just needed some air. I'm sorry if I worried you. I didn't think I'd be gone long." You let him lead you back inside. Instead of taking you back to the ballroom, he escorts you outside where Padme is waiting.

"It's fine. I'm just glad I didn't lose you. That… would not have looked good on me." He laughs a little, rubbing your shoulder comfortingly, "it's time for us to head out. We're going to be escorting the senator to her suite in the hotel and then going to our room."

"Yes, Master Skywalker," you bow slightly dramatically, tone dripping in sarcasm.

He laughs, rolls his eyes at your playfulness and shoves your shoulder as you start walking, both of you flanking Padme.

~~~~~

And that's how it began.

You start answering him when he whispers into your mind. You didn't even see him that night but you know it was real. Even if it wasn't, you hope that you continue to hear him. You start feeling him as well. You even catch hints of his scent from time to time. Always when you need him the most.

Those moments became more and more common. The weight of arms around you in those few blissful moments between sleep and wakefulness make you think of him. He whispers encouragement as you train with your new master, even the occasional reminder to help you correct your form or a suggestion to make a motion easier for you. He's still helping to train you. Apparently your four years with him didn't make him sick of teaching you.

It's your next off-world mission that starts to cause your foundation to crumble.

Anakin had convinced Master Windu that he could take you off-world with himself and Ahsoka instead of being with your own master. It was a simple mission. Get into the separatist base, steal the information, get out.

When is anything ever that simple?

Your cover was blown quickly and it doesn't take long to realize this was a trap. You are separated from Anakin and Ahsoka somewhere in the crossfire between your troops and the battle druids. You find yourself in an empty hallway alone, not even a clone behind you.

Looking around, you move back towards the way you came, only to realize you are more than a little lost in this base. You reach out your signature to find Anakin but are met with a different signature. Another, more familiar one.

Obi Wan.

Before you can take a moment to think it through, you're running towards it. You chase the warm, blue signature you've grown oh so attached to deeper into the base. When you reach a door that you can feel him behind, you pause. Pressing your palm flat against the cool metal, you reach out again. Reaching for him. He responds by tangling his signature with yours, but doesn't open the door. You hear a click and realize it's the lock. He unlocked the door. The door still doesn't open. He's giving you the choice. It almost makes you cry.

He is giving you the option to reach him. He isn't forcing you into anything, simply waiting to see how you decide. The Order never does that. All they do is command and demand and give expectations to meet. It's exhausting. You're tired. You miss him.

"Obi?" You whisper to the door. As a response, you hear a small thud on the door as he presses his hand to it where yours is. You can feel the pressure of his power through the door. He whispers your name back to you.

"I'm frightened," you feel your eyes start to water, voice breaking softly, "I just want you."

"I know, my darling. It's alright if you are not ready yet. I'll wait for you. I'll wait an eternity for you." His voice is louder than yours, but not by much. You want to open the door but can't bring yourself to do it. He can feel it. You know he can. His signature brushes over yours gently again, soothing you. He was always good at that.

"I have to go, Master. I'm sorry. I need to find Anakin."

"It's alright, Little Dove. I'll be with you. Always."

You nod and take another moment of weakness before pulling away and running the way you came. It takes you twenty minutes to find Anakin and Ahsoka again. As you reappear, Ahsoka crashes into you, hugging you tight.

"Are you okay!? Your comms weren't working. We've been calling you and sent troops to find you but we couldn't! What happened? Where did you go?"

You push Ahsoka back to look her into her eyes, holding her shoulders. "It's okay. I'm fine. I got lost in the hallways. The droids were coming from that way so I handled it. I just got confused on my way back to you. All the halls look so similar."

You try cracking a joke as you notice Anakin watching you cautiously. He knows something. Looking over, you cast what you hope is a charming smile in his direction. He nods and gives a small smile in return but still looks concerned, though you can't tell if it's for you or because of you.

When you return to the Temple, the council convenes to be briefed on the mission. Anakin credits you with destroying a majority of the Droid squadron within the base. The council seems to be a mixture of impressed and put off by this news. You're not surprised.

You feel nothing for them anymore. They don't do anything but cause more problems for you and those around you. Most Jedi would say the most dangerous feeling to have is hatred. Some say anger. Others will tell you that hope is the worst thing to feel, especially in this war.

No. The most dangerous thing a Jedi can feel is indifference. Indifference causes one to not have loyalty to those they have been sworn to. With anger or hatred or even hope, it shows one still feels attached to something. With indifference, it is not so.

Your indifference is what Obi Wan was waiting for.

~~~~~

The next mission you are sent on is the one that sends you over the edge.

It's another gala you are to attend, this time undercover as a senator's aid. The moment you arrive, you reach out for Obi Wan. You search the room with your eyes and your signature, praying to the Maker that he is there.

As the evening progresses, you stop looking for him. You become distracted by doing your job, working the crowd and getting more information you've been sent to collect. Though the council has seemed to develop more trust in you over the last couple of months, they don't trust you entirely. You have another Jedi with you to keep an eye on you. You don't remember his name, and it doesn't particularly matter to you anyway. He's just a security measure to protect the Order.

"Pardon me for interrupting, Senator Gunray. I was hoping I might ask this lovely young lady for this dance." His voice drips across your ears like bacta over a burn. Your posture relaxes as the senator you were speaking with bows out gracefully, promising to speak with you again later.

You turn and finally see the man you've dreamt of for five whole months, though if you're honest, it's been longer than that. He looks dashing in his white suit and cape. As your eyes trail up from his chest, you catch the hairs of his auburn beard lift as he smiles at you. You see that smile next, the shining and slightly arrogant one you grew used to throughout your few years of training with him.

He reserves this smile for you. The one that shows his pride but also a glimmer of praise for you. He softens whenever he sees you, even if it's isn't noticeable to anyone else. It always was to you. He was a good and kind master, but a better friend. In this smile, you see your friend.

You raise your eyes to meet his and your breath catches. The cerulean ocean you are used to seeing is gone, replaced by molten gold, framed by dark lashes, which seem darker than they used to. Maybe it's just your imagination.

"Remember to breathe, Little Dove. I fear you will pass out if you don't."

You let out a small huff of a laugh as you smile and glance down to your feet. You see him lift his hand to under your chin, raising your eyes back to his. You can see him searching your face for something. He must find it or you are imagining it because he draws away again, offering you his arm to take.

"I believe I offered you a dance, my love. May I have one?"

"Yes, my lord." He leads you out onto the floor. A waltz starts not long after he pulls you into position. As you dance, he keeps you closer to his body than the other partners on the floor. You don't mind, letting yourself melt into his arms for the first time in several months.

Obi Wan was the one who taught you to dance. He had been trying to help you learn to make your movements smoother, more choreographed as you dueled. You kept making jagged, uncoordinated movements that caused you to lose your footing or leave an open spot for someone to strike. Obi had taken your Saber, tossed it and his own to the side, then pulled you in gently. He kept a respectable amount of space between you as he placed your hand on his shoulder and his own on your waist, holding your opposite hand. And he taught you to dance. Slowly, you got the hang of it and he moved back into the forms you were learning. You never lost to him in a duel again.

The dance sessions became almost a regular occurrence. He'd hug you when you were upset and slowly rock you, letting it turn into a silly little dance to make you smile and giggle. He'd kiss your head and twirl you just to make you squeal or blush. Those are his fondest memories of being in the order.

"I have a question for you, Darling."

"I will answer anything you ask of me, Darth Nighte," you respond without hesitation.

He grins widely and lets out a laugh. "You always have, haven't you? My good girl."

You blush slightly and look away from him to hide it. He doesn't like that. He lifts your chin again and raises an eyebrow, warning you not to look away again.

"Did you pick this gown to get someone's attention?" He says it in a teasing tone but you know what he is asking. Is the dress for him?

The dress you selected for the gala was bought with what little you had saved over the years. You had gone out into the city on one of your rare days off to buy it. It was in the shop window and you'd asked to try it on. It was a long sleeved, dark blue dress with tiny gems to make it appear as though you were a part of the evening sky. It's a bit lower cut in the bust than you thought you'd be comfortable with but seeing the way he admires it, you know it was the right decision.

"I must confess, my lord. I fear I am no longer a good Jedi. You see, I find myself disagreeing with the rules and growing agitated trying to suppress my emotions. It feels like I'm being pulled down a different, new path. I can't stand the rule against attachments. I have found that attachments only make you stronger. Maybe that is what they are afraid of…" you trail off as you realize how much you spoke but he holds your eye contact and nods for you to continue. "I have found myself deeply attached to a lord at this very party and I had hoped he'd find the dress pleasing."

"I'm sure he does, my darling. Do I know this lord, do you think?" He knows. He always does.

You smile and glance around as though making sure no one was listening, "I think you know him very well, my lord."

"Then I suppose I'll leave you to him." He starts to release you but you grip onto him tighter. He laughs again, a sound you truly and sorely missed.

Together, you and Obi Wan danced for several more songs. You talk occasionally but mostly bask in the comfort you bring each other. As the night dwindles on and draws to a close, you know you have a decision to make. A path to choose.

Obi Wan senses your panic and turmoil. He searches your eyes again before leading you off the dance floor to a little alcove on the side of the ballroom. He presses you back against the wall and lets his body tower over yours.

"My angel, you do not have to do anything you don't wish to. I don't intend to steal you away and hide you from the galaxy. It is your decision. This is your life. Lead it how you wish to. No matter what you decide, I will always love and support you. Even if I must do so from afar." He leans down and presses his forehead to yours. You can feel the love in his signature. True love. Pure love. How can a feeling so pure be so bad?

Lifting your chin slightly, you let your nose brush his and hear his quick intake of breath. He leans further into you slowly, giving you time to pull away from him. To say no.

You never will.

He lets his lips brush yours. It's gentle, simple, peaceful. He lets you decide how to proceed. Slowly, your hands move from where you had pressed them to his chest up into his hair to pull him closer. He hums in pleasure and pushes you further into the alcove. He kisses you the way you imagined he would. Gentle but dominant. Kind but leading. Persuasive. The Great Negotiator, indeed.

You pull away first, needing to breathe. He lets you go but keeps his forehead against yours.

"Obi?" You whisper to him.

"Sweet One?" He responds.

"Am I ready now?"

"That, my dearest little dove, is not a question I can answer for you."

You nod, feeling the tears form. His hand is holding your cheek and jaw on one side. He can feel when they start to fall. He coos gently and pulls you into his chest, whispering reassurances and words of love.

"I don't want you to go again. It hurts when you go, my Obi." You mutter through the tears. Obi Wan pulls away enough to hold your face with both hands.

"I don't have to. You can come with me, Darling. I have a place for us. It's safe and quiet and peaceful. It's perfect. I made sure it's perfect for you. All you have to do is say yes. Little Dove, you can stay with me. Come with me."

His voice isn't commanding or ordering you. It's… begging. He's begging you to stay with him.

Sniffling and wiping your eyes, you look up at his eyes. They're no longer gold the way they were before. They're darker now. Green. Your breathing picks up as you kiss him again. It's a soft, quick kiss. He reciprocates, waiting for your decision.

"Home?" You ask him. He smiles against your lips and nods.

"Home."

"Obi Wan. Take me home."

The burst of joy in his signature is more than enough to convince you that this was the right decision. He kisses you fiercely before retreating and standing up straight. A lord once again. Offering you his arm, he leads you back into the public eye.

As he escorts you through the front doors of the building and towards the hanger, you are stopped by a voice yelling your name. Your Jedi babysitter. You forgot about him. Obi Wan stiffens as he hears it as well, turning his head just enough to see the man behind you. You try to keep going but Obi Wan has stopped. Your panic is beginning to rise again. You'll never be free.

"You are to return to the Temple with me immediately, Young Padawan. This is not a debate."

"I-"

"My apologies, Jedi, but I believe she has made her decision." Obi Wan's voice is calm but there is a hint of a threat in it. He's daring the man to oppose him.

"I'm sorry, Senator, but that will not be happening. She has been asked to return to the Temple."

"Senator? Do you hear that, my darling? Senator. The level of disrespect tossed about by the Order is truly insulting. He doesn't even know my name."

You keep your eyes on Obi, pleading with him through your signature to just take you and go. In your bones, you knew it wouldn't be this easy. If only.

Obi Wan turns and the Jedi recognizes him. His eyes, now returned to gold, are a dead giveaway. The Jedi draws his weapon and beckons you over, holding his hand out as he calls your name again.

"This man is not who you think he is, Padawan. Come with me." He reaches for you again but you take a step back, closer to Obi Wan.

"Maybe I'm not who you thought I was, Master. Or… I think perhaps I am." Glancing up at Obi, you see him watching you with curiosity and… hope. You haven't seen hope in so long you almost don't recognize it.

Your Obi nods at you, just once, and takes a step back. The Jedi is gazing at the both of you with confusion and horror as you look at Obi Wan.

"I told you already, Little Dove. This is your decision. No one can make it for you." His voice calms you. There's no malice in it when he directs it at you.

"He's trying to trick you, Padawan. It's time to go now." The Jedi got close enough to grab your wrist and begin to pull you away. The moment he touches you, your lightsaber is in your hand and the Jedi is screaming. You open your eyes and see the man's arm on the ground between you. His lightsaber falls from his other hand and Obi Wan comes to pick it up. You feel your hands shaking as you watch him replace the Jedi's Saber on his belt before reaching a hand out to you.

"Are you ready now, darling?"

You look between Obi's hand and the man's arm and then at the blood on your gown. You take Obi Wan's hand and leave the Jedi kneeling on the ground of the hanger as you're taken onto your love's ship. He sits you down and pulls off his cape, draping it over you. It's heavier than it looked. He helps to strap you into the co-pilot seat before getting into the pilot seat.

As the ship lifts off, you catch a reflection in the glass of the cockpit window. Your eyes are surrounded by a ring of gold.

You feel Obi Wan take your hand as you reach hyperspace and let him smooth his thumb over your knuckles. You glance up at his beautiful eyes and see they are the blue you missed. You realize something that nearly brings you to tears again. You've been on your own for most of your life, especially when it got hard.

You don't have to be alone anymore. You have your Obi Wan.

~~~~~

@meshlasolus @vi-does-stuff @star-whores-a-new-hoe @turtlelover59 @lowkeyorloki

#sith!obi wan #sith!obi wan x reader #obi wan x reader #obi x reader #dark side of the force #apparently I suck at tags and warnings #obi wan kenobi #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi wan x padawan reader

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im-a-wonderling · 4 months

Text

The Chosen One ~ Anidala

Well...I don't often write ficlets, and if I do, I don't post them. Buuut I was working on Rescue Me, and this just kinda happened, so I hope y'all enjoy.

Warnings: Unedited angst I guess?

Word count: 1.5k

To be the chosen one with no choices.

That’s how Anakin felt, standing on the balcony, fresh off his fourth nightmare this week. He watched the nighttime traffic of Coruscant whirl past, wishing he himself could hop on a ship and run away. He would never be able to describe the relief he’d feel if he and his wife just…left. If their responsibilities ended, and they had the chance to leave, to go to safety, to have their child in peace.

He let out a shuddering breath, trying to get ahold of himself.

The dream tonight had been worse. He’d seen her die. He’d felt her life…stop.

His ears caught the soft sounds of padding feet.

“Go back to bed,” he said quietly. “I’m fine.”

The feet only came closer. He closed his eyes, a fleeting smile gracing his lips. He should’ve known better.

“Ani,” Padmé said softly. Just his nickname, nothing else.

Arms—his favorite arms in the galaxy—slid around his abdomen, and a face buried into his back. “Come back to bed with me.” Padmé’s coaxing voice lulled him back to sleep like nothing else had, not the excessive exercise, not the staying up until his mind was too tired to manufacture anything, not even sleep aids he’d taken from the infirmary.

Padmé made everything better.

A searing pain started in his chest as he remembered his dreams.

“I’m not going to sleep anymore tonight.” He meant it. He wouldn’t sleep, even if he had to glue his eyes open. Being exhausted tomorrow was a small price to pay for the hope that he would feel less haunted when the sun came up.

The arms loosened, and Padmé swung around to face him.

The day her beauty failed to make his breath catch was the day his heart no longer beat. Her warm brown eyes held more power over him than anything else in this world. The rosiness of her cheeks reminded him of her luscious home planet of Naboo, and she was now more his home than the desolate planet on which he’d first fallen in love with her, thirteen years ago. And her hair?

He reached up to touch one of her curls, running it between his fingers with a sort of juvenescent fascination.

Padmé studied his face. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t answer. He knew his wife well enough to recognize the alarm in her face, but he didn’t want to give voice to the horrible images he’d seen, not in the presence of his angel.

“If you don’t tell me what’s bothering you,” she said, her voice like balm on a burn, “then I can’t help you.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “The longer I can’t help you, the longer we’ll both be out here, not sleeping.”

How anyone in the Senate could resist Padmé’s silver tongue, Anakin didn’t know. He certainly was never able to begrudge her anything for long.

Padmé’s hand found Anakin’s hair. She didn’t smooth it down or comb through it, but just sank her fingers into the soft locks, holding onto as much of it as she could. “Talk to me.”

He shut his eyes, leaning into her touch. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it. “The dreams–” he broke off. “They won’t stop.”

He felt Padmé lean away from him, and the distance made his anxieties skyrocket.

“Ani, I’m not going to die in childbirth.” Her voice, while loving, was stern, and he hated it.

“How can you be so sure?” he asked, his voice shaking, opening his eyes again. “How can you discount–”

“Listen to me.” Padmé lifted her chin, the same way she did in Senate meetings when she was about to end a discourse. “I’m fine. All my check-ups have been normal.”

“My mother died,” Anakin croaked. “I dreamed it, and it happened.” He reached out for her, his hands settling at her waist. “I…I can’t survive losing you,” he confessed. “Without you–” his voice cracked. “Without you, there’s nothing left in this galaxy for me.”

Padmé remained still in his arms. He knew she was formulating the right thing to say, but he didn’t want her to say anything, for how could she have a solution if she didn’t even believe in his dreams in the first place?

“Anakin, if I die–” Anakin shrank away from her, unable to bear it, but Padmé walked after him, her eyes blazing with stubbornness. “You have to let me finish.”

“If you die, I die!” He knew he was being too loud, but there was no way to say these things quietly. “I won’t even think of living without you!”

Padmé’s retaliation was sharp. “Do not condemn this child to a life without a mother or father!”

Anakin froze.

Padmé drew nearer, reaching out for him, pressing Anakin’s metal and flesh hands to her belly. “If I die, this baby will need you more than ever.”

Anakin furrowed his brow.

“You’re not only a husband anymore,” she said softly. “You’re a father now too.”

Father.

Anakin blinked.

He hadn’t had a father. Obi-Wan had been the closest thing, and Anakin was already nine years old when Obi-Wan came into his life.

A different fear gradually came into Anakin’s mind.

“What if I’m a horrible father? What if the baby hates me? What if it goes hungry? My mother did the best she could for me, but…there were times when we both went to bed hungry, times when Watto took advantage of us.” He shut his eyes, overwhelmed both by the memories and the compassion in Padmé’s face.

Padmé’s soft and cool fingers ran comfortingly down his face. “You’re not on Tatooine anymore. And the baby won’t hate you. It’s half of you and half of me.”

Anakin didn’t reply at first, the gears in his mind turning. “I’m a Jedi. I don’t make any money, and the council wouldn’t let me raise the baby in the temple, not without me telling them I’m the father, and if I did that–”

Anakin had to choose. He had to make the choice which hovered over him for years, the sacrifice he’d avoided being forced to make.

The Order or his family.

Obi-Wan, the Jedi Temple, and Anakin’s very way of life or Anakin’s mother, his wife, and his baby.

He tried to imagine the two different paths.

If Padmé died, the baby lived, and Anakin didn’t step forward, their baby would likely be sent to Padmé’s parents on Naboo. Her parents were unaware of their daughter’s marriage, and Anakin’s child would live with no clues as to their father’s identity. Meanwhile, Anakin, wracked with grief, would devote himself to the Order and bring peace to the galaxy, as the Chosen One was prophesied to do.

However, if Anakin did step forward…he didn’t know the first thing about parenting. He didn’t know anything about babies, how to keep them healthy and entertained. He would flounder and perhaps fail miserably multiple times. But Anakin had always been a quick learner, and if he made up his mind, eventually he would figure it out.

He could show his child the galaxy, teach them all he knew about piloting and fixing things. They would meet all kinds of people from all walks of life. And he would tell them stories. He’d tell them about wise Master Qui-Gon Jinn and powerful Obi-Wan. They’d learn all about the Clone Wars. They would know all about their strong, beautiful mother, and they would live every day knowing that both their mother and father loved them.

But he’d be separated from the Order.

Neither future was perfect. Neither one felt like destiny.

But that wasn’t the way to think about it, Anakin could see that now. The Order could continue without him. Obi-Wan could continue without him. If Padmé died, their baby would need him.

He opened his eyes again, suddenly calmly resolute. “If the worst happens, and you…you die, I’ll leave the Order.” His wife’s wide eyes told him she understood the weight of what he was saying. “Anything you could ever ask of me, I would do,” he told her. “And I will provide anything and everything our baby needs.”

“Anakin–”

“Without you and our baby, there’s nothing else for me,” he said simply. “Without the two of you, it all means nothing.”

“I–”

“I know, it’s a little bit crazy, but–”

“That’s not what I was going to say.” Padmé looked up at him. “I was going to say I love you.”

“Oh.” Anakin let out a long breath.

The pinch telltale of worry appeared between Padmé’s eyebrows. “Ani, are you sure about this?”

He brought his hands to her cheeks, holding her in place while he kissed the adorable scrunch. “Yes.” Padmé’s arms wrapped around him, holding him so tight, he couldn’t think of anything but her, just what he preferred.

Neither one of them spoke for a while.

Then, wordlessly, Padmé led him back to bed. When Anakin settled under the covers and closed his eyes, he was still afraid, but he knew that if he woke up from another nightmare, he would wake up to see the woman he loved and remember the promise he’d made her. Because, as it turned out, the chosen one did have choices.

Tag list:

@thelastpyle @valiantlytransparentwhispers

#star wars #sw #star wars fanfic #star wars fanfiction #anakin #anakin skywalker #padme #padme amidala #anakin x padme #anidala #angst #star wars angst

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