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quindread · 11 months

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THE COTTAGECORE MARI AU PROMPT THAT NOBODY ASKED FOR

Pairing: Daminette (edit: they’re like 19/20 in this, post high-school)

Rating: It has mature themes, you have been warned. But it’s pretty tame at the same time. Violence + Sexual Themes

________________

Mari is diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety disorder after she quite literally removed her beloved city’s supervillain (and her dear partner’s parent) from the plane of existence. Like she removes the suffering from the minds of all of Paris and has Gabriel written off in a car accident a year after his wife’s disappearance. Only her Court (Adrien, Kagami, Zoe, Alix, Max) and the Order remembers. Mari and Adrien decide not to pursue a relationship. They’re both healing and are decidedly better off friends - siblings in everything but blood.

Lila, who was not punished due to her not really being a miraculous holder and upsetting the balance, continues to slander Mari. Her class isn’t hostile but has no desire to interact with the “new and mean Marinette” Lila was painting her to be. It’s still a huge betrayal given the fact that Mari was supportive and very generous to these people.

So here’s how her new housing arrangement works: have you ever wondered how Gina can afford to travel around the world without a job? Yeah, I think she came from money. Like, old money - real estate old money to be precise. Passive income and such. Hearing about her Fairy’s situation, she offers an unused property at the countryside of Metropolis.

Marinette’s therapist and parents approve of her vacationing there for the summer when they realize that her stressors and triggers where all environmental. So off our girl goes!

Note: She does not have the mother box with her anymore, just Tikki, Plagg, and Kaalki. (She does have unrestricted access to it as the Grand Guardian though - she trains with the Order once a week in Tibet until she doesn’t)

Mari is aware of the Supers and was relieved that the Kwamis don’t show up in x-ray visions and with the fear of them eavesdropping she learns FSL to communicate with them.

The townhouse and the verdure around the property inspires Mari to start a garden. The quiet oddly soothes her and when she feels lonely she goes into town or the nearby farmer’s market where she charms the locals. She meets the Kents - they love her! Martha enjoys baking with her. Lois uncovers her identity as Jagged and Clara Nightingale’s exclusive (and reclusive) designer - they bond over fashion trends and the gossip surrounding the industry. Clark and Jon were another story.

She figures them out having sensed the same soul in Superman and Superboy in this father-and-son duo. They x-ray her as a precaution and finds the mysterious cracks and evidence of past injuries that should have killed her. There’s a very anti-climatic reveal that Martha and Lois are not privy to with respect to Marinette’s wishes.

At least one Kent would be in her home during the day. The Kwamis are free to roam around when it was Clark and/or Jon visiting. She ends up bonding with Jon who also grew up too fast (metaphorically and literally).

She ends up extending her stay in Metropolis indefinitely. Her parents also decided to open a branch of their patisserie there which Mari managed. They visit her as often as they could.

Mari was dismayed to find that no, Metropolis had no schools with both a fashion and business degree - that’s how she ends up in Gotham University.

Jon tells Mari about a Damian - a friend of his.

J: He’s…. uh… he has a big heart.

M: …

J: He’s a bit of an asshole(?)

M: Ah.

Mari meets Damian who reminds her of Kagami - antisocial and proper. They share a few business classes and are both members of the art club.

Mari is still this ball of anxiousness and has only allowed Mia “Maps” Mizoguchi and Katherine Karlo into her life, the former she learned was close to Damian - she didn’t mind when she and the girls met up with Damian, he was quiet, honest, and minded his own business. Through their hangouts Damian finds out about the friendship between Jon and Mari.

He’s hesitant to befriend her at first due to the conflicting rumors about her: due to her timid personality she had a split reputation. One side called her sweet, shy, and kind. While the other calling her arrogant, high-maintenance, and rude. He soon finds out that the latter half were spread by cliques who’s offer of friendship she declined and men she rejected. He was glad that he relented to Maps’ insistent invitations - she was a decent person to hang out with and it didn’t hurt that she was pleasing to the eye. (She also enjoyed sharing her vegetarian salads with him - he starts appreciating it more when he learns that she picks the vegetables straight from the garden she grows.)

As her luck would have it, a robbery unfolds at one of their favorite coffee spots. Mari and Damian - who were both pretending to be civ - try to find a way to protect their friends. The robbers recognizes Damian as a Wayne and takes him and another GU(a school for rich and affluent people’s children) kid - Marinette - who had stood in front of her friends.

They’re gagged, blindfolded, and carted off to who knows where. Damian discreetly activates a distress signal and the bats spur into action. Mari, aware that she was sturdier than Damian, draws the men’s attention to her (she purposely pisses them off and gets beaten up when they start to pester Damian).

M: [removes her gag somehow] Really? A ski mask? And in black? How boring can you get?

*Damian shaking his head furiously in the background*

Kidnapper(KN): Shut up, girlie!

M: You know I always wondered how Kidnappers could have a secret a warehouse as a hideout. It’s not like you can afford the rent—

KN: Are you trying to get yourself killed?

M: You’re backed up by some politician aren’t you?

KN: H-How the fuck did this bitch know?

M: There’s literally a stack of campaign papers behind you.

KN: Wha—

M: That’s some shit graphic design by the way. I’ve seen grade schoolers that can do better.

KN: [points a gun at her] Shut up or I’ll blow your brains out.

M: You wouldn’t.

KN: The fuck do you know—

M: You need me alive to get ransom from my parents.

KN: …Nobody said you had to be in one piece though.

M: Touché—[get slapped hard]

*Damian basically starts convulsing in the background*

M: …Damn. You punch like a cunt—[And the kidnappers basically start to rough her up]

The bats arrive in five minutes and it’s Red Hood that finds them first. He sees these mf’s beating up a woman and goes ballistic(pun intended). Red Robin and Spoiler has to forcibly restrain him when he starts to use his fist instead of his guns.

M: [bleeding and bruised] And that’s how you deck someone, you amateurs.

D: [who was released by Black Bat is confused, mad at himself, and in awe] You blithering idiot! Why the fuck would you aggravate our captors like that?

M: [delirious] It was either you or me Damian. Can’t have your pretty face damaged now, can we?

D: [Is floored and very concerned] And what of yours?

M: … dun worry—my assets are…elsewhere… [passes out from the pain]

D: …

Later, his family would tease him about the flirting when he isn’t all sensitive about the incident.

Winter break comes, most of the Batfam visits the Kents(they have a penthouse/some ridiculous property in Metropolis) as a tradition. The Kents went to visit Gotham and stayed at the manor last year.

(Batfam who went: Bruce, Dick, Jason, Steph, Cass, and Damian)

They visit Mari too. Dick and Steph are absolutely thrilled about her cottagecore lifestyle. So much so that they match her aesthetic and begin helping out in the garden - they send pictures to Alfred who request they bring back fresh produce.

Jon and Jason plot to get Damian and Mari together. Unbeknownst to them that Damian was already resolute on courting Mari like the decorous man that he was - he didn’t know what he was doing but Mari’s flush when he initiates flirting tells him he’s doing okay.

Because of his childhood, Damian was never the type to be touchy but imagine his shock when he finds out that one of his more prominent love languages was physical touch. He realizes he’s touch-starved almost immediately when Mari starts giving him small touches like a hand against his bicep, she had a fondness for touching his hair which never failed to deliver a shiver down his spine, and hugs from her are comforting - she felt like home.

Meanwhile Mari does not have any idea how she survived the early stages of Damian’s advances. He was blunt and did not pull his words with insults but it apparently translated to him being verbally open with his affections.

M: I always wanted to be the Knitting Fairy while growing up.

D: Does it not please you that you became a garden fairy instead?

M: Huh, that doesn’t sound so bad.

D: Well, you certainly look the part.

M: [turns into the same shade as the poppy beside her]

And then when the tension between them became more prominent he wasn’t shy with dropping innuendos too.

M: [open’s the door for Damian, haggard from lifting sacks of garden soil] Oh, I didn’t know you were coming so early. I’m a bit of a mess. Sorry.

D: [Tilts his head] You say that as if I wouldn’t appreciate you sweaty and tousled after a rigorous activity.

M: [self-combusts]

And when the touching began?

M: Damian, what color do you think looks better with this shade of blue?

D: [places a hand on her side while looking over her shoulder] I think the a more neutral cream would do.

M: [stops functioning]

Their first kiss?

Pulled straight out of a book that Marinette only read in the privacy of her bedroom.

They’re teasing each other, it evolves to a game of cat and mouse with Damian skillfully evading her. She corners him by turning on some of her sprinkles. He gets wet, growls in the way he would in Mari’s dreams, and pulls of his shirt. She’s too distracted by the hard planes of his stomach to notice him prowling towards her like a beast moving to claim his prey. He picks her off the ground with ease - he’s a foot taller than her - and takes her to the sprinklers.

(I’m going to write this part out properly, maybe to inspire myself or a potential adopter of this prompt)

“Nononono!” Marinette shrieks as the first round of water splashes her. She writhes but Damian had her arms held down her sides.

“All is fair in love and war, Ya Amar.” She ignores the endearment in favor of closing her eyes as the sprinkles rotate in their direction again. But she knows what it means. Ya Amar. My moon. His moon. The water had nothing on the chill that ran down her spine

The water stars seeping into her intimates and she’s soberly aware that the light fabric of her dress would betray her. It doesn’t take long for Damian to discover that fact, he releases a strangle sound. She opens her eyes, he snaps his eyes from where he was clearly looking at her chest. He scrambles to drop her.

“Shit— I’m sorry. This was not my intention—“ he starts but she’s faster. Her now free arms grasps his shoulders and without a second thought, she drops her lips to meet his. Damian inhales sharply and he tilts his head, temporarily breaking the kiss before raising her higher and pulling her by the back of neck - he kisses her with hunger and passion that has Marinette melting further against his chest.

She wraps her legs around his back and he moves to tightly grasp both the back of her thighs. She would worry about bruises later when she didn’t have Damian’s tongue caressing her own. He drops them to the ground and Marinette does not release her hold over his waist. She whines against his lips when she feels the consequences of their activity.

His hands start wandering as he greedily collects and files the sounds that leaves her lips. He begins to trail kisses down her neck to the neckline of her dress that now clung to her body like a second skin giving him his first peek at the maddening shape of her body. And just when he trails a finger against the underside of her breast a loud noise pulls them apart.

Jason finds them and the sight in Mari’s garden has him dropping the shovel he was asked to bring over.

J: Fuck! No, don’t stop! Hell—I’ll leave—I didn’t see shit!

D: [moving to cover Marinette who covered her face in embarrassment] Fuck off, Todd!

J: I’m sorry! [slams the door shot]

D: Tt.

J: [shouts from inside the house] Use protection!

D: Todd!

They started officially dating that day and Jason had no reservations in sharing that he definitely cockblocked his little brother much to Mari and Damian’s horror.

Both keeps the PDA to minimum in school but it was very clear how amorous they where in “private”. There is a table in the art hall that Mari can’t quite look at without blushing to her roots.

She finds out he’s Robin after her first encounter with his alter-ego. He confesses his past when she confronts him. There’s fear of abandonment in his eyes when he gazes at her after his spiel but she kisses his worries and doubts away. She even goes to show her appreciation for his years of service to Gotham.

Her reveal happens when she unceremoniously drops a vial in Jason’s hand claiming that it would remedy the effects of the Lazarus pits with continuous use - it was completed after a year in the making.

Cardinal joins the Batfam occasionally as part of Batman’s contingency plans. They respect her choice as a retired super-soldier and try to keep her out of the business which she appreciates. She is officially initiated as a member of Justice League Dark as an informant/magic specialist and a wildcard.

Years later, she legally inherits the property from Gina when she and Damian get engaged. Damian moves in with her and she lives her cottage life all while being a reclusive designer that comes out once in a while for fashion week.

FIN

AN:

Maybe there’s a Lila take down somewhere but I don’t have the energy to write her at all. We all know its Damian and Tim that makes sure she never sets a foot in high society ever again.

Ig add some details about learning to healthily cope with her anxiety disorder under the guidance and love of her found family? (I have a similar illness but me and my therapist are still figuring it out so I have little idea how to write this) Her PTSD does not need further discussion (miss ma’am had to kill someone) but her anxiety disorder stems from the fact the she’s a person who’s in charge of world-ending powers - everyone and even yourself can become untrustworthy. She starts to get nervous from misreading body languages and everyone is suddenly out to get her.

#mlb x dc #i wrote this instead of studying #daminette #marinette dupain cheng #bamf marinette #maribat

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mysoullanguage · 2 years

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#0006 0°, 14°/15°/16°, 29°?

planets will be most influenced when at 0°. 0° is the epitome of new, raw energy. it is the beginning point of any planet that holds no previous wisdom or intelligence relating to it. when we have a planet in 0°, it means we have previously gained experience in the planet through previous lifetimes, but has decided to “reboot” the way in which the planet experiences life. it will look for experience in that field and exhibit the purest energies of that planet. the planet will then work its way to 29° through many lifetimes, where it will “reboot” again to gain new wisdom.

venus in 0° — naive in love; very emotionally expressive, gushy. falls for people easily. has a very vibrant and bright style. has a very childish approach to love. codependent, clingy/needy, very romantic and idealistic. usually struggle having relationships because they are unsure of what they want. have a loud social life or big social circle or they want one

sun in 0° — naive in general; very gullible to life. very optimistic. expresses their sun sign’s traits with ease. tend to be very pure at the heart. very confident, social, curious. always wants to know more and put themselves out there

jupiter in 0° — naive with people; overly generous and blindly optimistic. has too much faith in everything; is very vague and glosses over details too much. prefers living the big picture to the point of self-delusion. is very religious/faithful, very preachy, but also open-minded and curious. obsessed with the new and travelling

mars in 0° — naive with opportunities; tends to go head first into anything that interests them. follows impulses too much and doesn’t know how to temper their anger. doesn’t rationalise things and lets their energy spill everywhere rather than healthily channeling it into one direction. very sexual, temperamental and aggressive

— 🌸 — 🌸

planets will be most hindered at 14°, 15°, and 16°. depending on the planet, the planet will suffer many issues if in these °. karmic lessons are prominent in these ° and highlights key issues with the planet, varying from ego struggles, to issues like death or homicide. however, these ° will not strictly manifest in the latter, though is still possible. these ° are the mid-point of the planet’s journey; like an identity crisis that needs to be resolved through time. these will highlight obstacles in the person’s journey

mars in 14°, 15°, and 16° — abrupt endings that challenge the person’s likeness unpredictability and spontaneity. challenges to do with a person’s planning and waiting, rather than being impulsive; scatteredness and instability. heavy issues with ego. if mars is also in aries, there is strong possibility of suicide

venus in 14°, 15°, and 16° — ego struggles in relationships. heavy challenges to do with friends and social groups in general. abuse of sexual freedom. karmic lessons to do with soulmates or previous life partners

jupiter in 14°, 15°, and 16° — struggles to do with faith and religious direction. internal issues to do with spirituality. issues to do with personal freedom. lack of personal boundaries, lack of personal ethics/morals/individuality. may experience numerous phases or episodes in life where the individual feels ostracised in society and feels as though they’re on their own. if jupiter is in native sign of sagittarius, issues of stagnation and lack of soul-healing in life will be highlighted

saturn in 14, 15°, 16° — ego struggles and struggles with boundaries. heavy misunderstanding in relationships. the person may either take relationships too seriously or they are heavily codependent; they are unable to be independent. eating disorders are prominent. bad relationships with the father

— 🌸 — 🌸

planets will be the most impactful at 29°. 29° marks the end of the ° circle, thus any planet with this ° will manifest in a form that is wise, coherent, and experienced. typically people with these ° are very mature and simple people. 0° planets try to look for as much experience as possible, whereas 29° planets tend to live on the low. however, there is an urgency of any planet in this °. many times, the person feels as though they have unfinished business in the planet’s area. when the planet achieves this point, the planet will go back to 0° over the next few lifetimes to gain a completely new perspective (also called anaretic degree)

moon in 29° — can manifest as someone who is emotionally timid, experienced, knowledgable. this placement breeds a person who is aware of their emotional capability and feels a lot. however, 29° is an extreme degree, and thus emotions will be felt on an extreme. psychic premonitions are prominent as well as symbolic dreaming. emotional tantrums or outbursts are common but the person, above all, is genuinely curious, nurturing, and has a natural mothering ability to them

mercury in 29° — this breeds a person knowledgable and curious about everything. they can be heavily indecisive and urgent in everything they do but can also be highly articulate and intelligent. they seem to think intuitively and are well connected to their brain. these people may feel as though they have a need to share their knowledge with the world or at least make the world aware of their mind and capabilities of intelligence. there is a strong need to mentally connect and stimulate

pluto in 29° — the person may feel an urgency to constantly purge and renew themselves. identity crises are prominent. there is a need for rebirth in major and minor times of their lives. personal relationships will be transformational. their need for solitude will be challenged through relationships that challenge them to grow. this placement is all about change but the person may be so willing to change all the time or be so combative towards it

saturn in 29° — people with this placement can look older than they are or possess a certain quality about them that physically or internally ages them. they are wise people with a strong sense of authority. as this is an extreme °, this can manifest as someone who’s urgent to establish more authority and to establish a strong social standing in life, or it manifests as someone who is already authoritarian. personal relationships are taken seriously and in this placement, can actually breed much codependency

#astro notes #astro observations #astrology

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vernadskova · 3 months

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In 1945, the Yugoslav People's Army, having faced and triumphed over numerous formidable wartime challenges, was plagued by an internal problem which appeared impossible to resolve or even fully understand: a virtual epidemic of war neurosis, which affected thousands of partisan soldiers, and which did not show any signs of subsiding after the end of fighting. On the contrary, the end of the war seemed only to exacerbate the spread of the illness. This was a disorder that bore no resemblance to war traumas in the other nations that participated in the conflict: it did not manifest itself in the form of an urge to withdraw from the frontlines, as was the case in the British and US armies, where battle exhaustion, anxiety and demoralisation emerged as the most popular diagnoses by 1944. Rather, Yugoslav war neurotics demonstrated a heightened willingness to fight, as their new disorder consisted of violent and potentially harmful epileptiform seizures which simulated wartime battles and attacks. The seizures could occur at any moment and under any circumstances, usually when there was audience—in the middle of a conversation, at lectures or meetings, while driving or riding a car, in front of superiors, for example.

In some of these later accounts the notion of partisan neurosis acquired positive connotations: it was arguably a disorder of dedicated fighters, who considered their own interests to be identical to those of their army or of the new socialist republic. Partisan neurosis or partisan hysteria could thus become an advertisement for the new kind of society and people's democracy that the Yugoslav authorities were building. Marxist politics eliminated trembling, anxiety and battle exhaustion, and created soldiers who, even when faced with the worst traumas and suffering from shell-shock, kept their devotion to the army's cause, and their willingness to remain on the frontlines. Betlheim argued that it would be an offence to consider the neurotic ‘a person who consciously strives to escape the war efforts and who consciously wants to withdraw to the rear’, because the majority of the patients ‘had been through difficult experiences which they had barely survived. … They often, having invested the last vestiges of their strength, saved themselves from the dangerous situation, and then had their first seizure in a safe territory. In this psycho-dynamic discourse, the local specificity of the disorder resulted from the superiority of the Yugoslav resistance movement in comparison with both the Allied and the enemy armies in the Second World War, and the conditions of Yugoslav soldiers in the First World War.

I wish I could narrow this all down, especially the opposing viewpoints, but I wanted to pin down these salient parts as they fascinated me for long

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thornfield987-blog · 2 months

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I know this has been done before but here’s my headcanons for LU Chronic illness/Disability boys:

Legend(he/they): Hypermobile type Ehlers Danlos syndrome. Frequently dislocates joints and doesn’t see why the others make such a big deal about it, it happens all the time! Primarily suffers from widespread join pain, instability and chronic fatigue. Has as many different mobility aids as they have magical artifacts.

Time(he/him?): Early onset osteoarthritis and partially blind. All of the time travel and shifting forms was not kind to his joints, so the connective tissue was damaged and BOOM. Arthritis. The old man jokes are becoming less and less of a joke every day. Also experiences debilitating migraines.

Hyrule(they/he): Sensory Processing Disorder (often associated with autism but can be caused by other conditions). Their magic sensitivity can often cause overstimulation in their other senses, and they are very sensitive to light, sound, smell and touch. They are semi-verbal because even his own voice can overstimulate him sometimes, but they don’t know sign very well. Also has anemia.

Wild(genderfluid he/she/they): hypertrophic contractural scarring, partially deaf, semi-verbal because of vocal cord scarring. Also prosthetic arm(set after TOTK). She switches between sign and speaking, whichever is easiest for him that day. They have to perform daily stretches and apply scar lotion to be functional, but they aren’t very good at remembering to do so. Often blows out his voice because he gets excited, but can’t tell how loud he is speaking.

Four(plural they/them): Dissociative Identity Disorder(but not really because of magical reasons), damaged growth plates because of Minish magic. They have very similar symptoms to DID, but there are slight differences because it was caused magically and traumatically, not like in the real world. They sometimes struggle to walk correctly because their growth plates are damaged, causing their legs to be slightly different lengths. They wear adaptive shoes to correct this.

Sky(he/him): POTS(Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), chronic fatigue. He struggles to breathe the denser air on the Surface, but he struggled with it on Skyloft as well. He has a chronically higher heart rate that causes dizziness and (rarely) passing out when moving from sitting to standing, after eating, and after adrenaline rushes. This causes his stamina to be fairly low, and also causes chronic fatigue.

Twilight(he/him): RRMS(Relapse/Remission Multiple Sclerosis). This is caused magically by the Twilight curse eating away at his body’s nerves, but is kept mostly under control by his shadow crystal. Occasionally, he goes through relapses and experiences anything from tingling and numbness in a limb to temporary loss of vision in one or both eyes, balance issues, vertigo and slurred speech. These flares are almost always debilitating, but thankfully they only happen every couple of months and last from a few days to about a week.

Wind(he/him?): A little cliche, but he has a peg leg. He likes to tell outlandish stories about it getting bit off by a kraken or eaten by a cannibal, but the truth is that he got an infection, couldn’t treat it in time and had to amputate. This happened sometime after his quests had finished, and he’s still a little ashamed of the actual circumstances, so he doesn’t open up often.

(edit) I FORGOT WARRIORS

Warriors(he/him): Speaking Disfluency (Stutter). Often repeats sounds, such as “G-g-g-guys”, or extends sounds; “Llllllll-Iove you”. He grew up poor, so he was never able to get treatment for it, so he communicates using sign while Proxi translates verbally, though this isn’t as necessary with the Chain since most of them know sign.

#legend of zelda #linked universe #linkeduniverse #Lu chronic illness #linked universe headcanons

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sadness-engineer · 3 months

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［When Nikto had a panic attack, he hit Krueger. ］

Dissociative disorder is a special kind of mental illness. I don't think Nikto has serious multiple identities. Because this symptom can seriously affect judgment. Although it is not ruled out that he has this symptom, I think it will at least not affect his work. （Not just military jobs, this may also affect simple jobs.）

As someone with severe depression, I have some experience with dissociative symptoms.

One situation is that you don't feel much pain (in a physical way). So, some patients will find a sense of existence through $elf Hãrm. (Well I don't think it's good.)

Another experience is a blur of reality. We feel like we no longer have control over our body. The soul and the body have no connection. Life has become like a zombie.

Based on Nikto's background, I agree that he should have more severe PTSD. And these uneasy feelings can easily lead to patients being irritable.

I guess Nikto will only show his real emotions to Krueger. A war crime weird guy can calm a suffering soul 😭👌This may be a phenomenon of "two negatives make a positive".

#call of duty modern warfare #call of duty #cod krueger #cod nikto #fanart #illustration #cod fanart #kruegernikto

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yasmimkilleruwu · 5 months

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{Old drawing}

Sorry for the writing errors, there will probably be many. {I wrote a lot of things, so my translator dies to translate it into English.}

•Fun facts about Heartless The Proxy {And about her story.}

Since she was little, Michelly didn't have much sympathy or care about other people, she only cared about people who were really important to her and there were only 2 of them, she wouldn't care if someone got hurt or was in a life or death situation in front of her, she would just ignore the person because that person was not important and did not affect her. She got involved in fights a lot, with girls and boys, which is why she was expelled from a school after beating a boy and a girl, and her sister and uncle had to teach her at home.

She knows how to play the violin, guitar and piano, as her sister taught her, she also knows how to fight some types of fight and knows how to shoot very well as her uncle taught her, she knows how to use some weapons such as nunchaku and bow and arrow. Michelly's sister didn't like her learning these things from her uncle, because Michelly was normally aggressive towards other people and because Michelly appeared with several injuries, because of the "training" that her uncle did, so her sister and Michelly's uncle always argued, while Michelly's sister wanted her to do something that wouldn't hurt her, her uncle wanted her and always said that Michelly would be a fighter.

Where Michelly lived was in the middle of a forest, because Michelly's relatives liked being outdoors and hunting animals, so Michelly used to go out for walks in the forest or pass by the gas station that had a little store that sold a lot of things, this gas station was very popular with tourists, in addition to the gas station there were small hotels for tourists to stay for the night. On one of these walks, Michelly noticed that there was something following her, but she couldn't see or locate the thing, she could only hear some noises and squeaks, so she quickly went back home and locked herself there, this happened several times and she always she felt the same feeling of dread and fear, this also happened when she was a child and she always ran away, but it didn't happen as often as now.

Michelly suffers physical and psychological abuse from her brother who blames her for the death of their mother, she has suffered this abuse since she was little and this ended up affecting her psychologically, with this abuse Michelly ended up being diagnosed very young with dissociative identity disorder, the psychiatrist who diagnosed, she said that she has a total of 2 personalities, but that only one appeared frequently and the other very rarely.

This personality that appears most, is very aggressive, she has already attacked many people, including doctors, this personality has no name because she doesn't talk much and when she does talk she doesn't give information about herself, but she knows everything that happens, even not being in control of Michelly's body.

This personality was no longer appearing so frequently, only a few times, as Michelly was undergoing treatment, but it returned and got much worse when Michelly's sister ended up having an accident and ended up dying, it got so much worse that Michelly ended up being admitted to the hospital for some time, after having self-harmed, she was going through a very difficult time and was very unstable, there were days when she seemed to be dead, she didn't move, didn't eat and didn't speak, she just lay motionless on the bed hospital, staring at a place and only stopping looking when someone touched her.

On one of those days when she was in the hospital, one of her caregivers took her to the patio and left her sitting on one of the benches outside, everything was going well, until the caregiver had to leave and go do something. related to work, leaving Michelly alone, Michelly was just looking at the sky there was nothing cool or interesting in the courtyard, but something caught Michelly's attention, it was a boy under 10 years old, he was holding a sheet of paper with scribbles in his hands, he came to Michelly and offered her to take it and when she took it and looked at the paper, she saw some kind of tall creature with no face, it was white with tentacles coming out of its back, and wore a suit, the creature was in the middle of the drawing and around it were several children smiling, Michelly did not understand the drawing and when she looked at the boy again, Michelly's eyes were filled with horror and fear when she saw the boy completely disfigured. The caregivers went to the courtyard as soon as they heard Michelly crying and screaming desperately, the only way they found to calm her down was to sedate her.

{I was going to post this answering a question in my inbox, but there was a problem with the post and it didn't post.}

#creepypasta oc #creepypasta #my art

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sophieinwonderland · 20 days

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r/systemscringe's self-proclaimed "Tumblr Lore Historian" spewing mass amounts of misinformation

Why? Why can't you coordinate alters like this?

It's pretty well-known that alters can communicate internally. Everyone with even a basic understanding of DID is aware of this.

And researchers have had alters voluntarily switch in an fMRI machine!

There is neurological proof of DID systems being able to control switches!

"I don't know if this is possible or not but I don't like you talking about your experiences with your own mental illness in a funny way."

(Is this even about DID? I don't know if it's from a good plural culture blog or an anti-endo one. I'm just going to talk about it as if it were about DID.)

Also... this is actually about a negative experience. Sure, it's presented in a lighthearted way and is intended to be humorous... but it's not a good or positive experience.

And this makes the whole thing feel ableist for far more reasons than just the normal pluralphobic ones. This seems aimed at policing people with disorders of all kinds being able to joke about their own disorders!

Because to these ableists, even joking about negative aspects of your disorder is somehow glamorizing it.

The only emotion these people think you should be able to express towards your disorders is self-loathing.

And WHY WOULDN'T THIS BE POSSIBLE?

All they're describing is one alter waking up and turning the alarm off, and someone else fronting later.

Having multiple alters who switch throughout the day is the defining characteristic of DID!

Do you know anything about DID?

Yes, yes. You're ableist and hate people with disorders making jokes about them. We established that above.

More importantly, have you opened the DSM? Because alters of gods and spirits isn't that weird!

Yes, DID systems form alters based on religions! You should know this!

What is your obsession with Hazbin Hotel?

Again, religious alters are common enough experiences that they're literally described in the DSM itself.

Yes? That sounds like what they're describing.

Why not?

We already established in the beginning that some systems can control who is fronting. This has been proven for a fact with fMRI scans.

So why wouldn't a system be able to turn things into a game to see who could do their tasks the quickest?

Maybe. Maybe it's because you're a bitter person who hates people ever enjoying themselves and being happy. 🤷‍♀️

I think if you're scrolling through and getting irrationally angry at people not being miserable, you should actually analyze why you're feeling that way before you make posts making fun of them.

(Also, the tone here isn't "funny." It's excited at actually being recognized by a friend.)

Oh? Why don't you prove it then?

Like you said, you're not a professional!

So cite one! If you think alters can't form that easily, back that opinion up with someone who actually does know what they're talking about!

"I'm just someone who knows..."

No. You don't! You haven't studied this. You aren't relying on information from anyone who actually has. You're confidently shouting your uneducated and wrong opinions about a disorder you've demonstrated time and time again that you know NOTHING about, based entirely on what you've heard from other equally uneducated people on the internet!

I think we can tell the difference between a fictional character we have control over, and something that is completely autonomous, regularly interacts with us directly, and has autobiographical memories of those interactions.

Also, while there are many disorders that can cause voice hearing and seeing a doctor is a good idea if you can, it's worth noting that voice hearing in children is more associated with DID than psychotic disorders.

90% of DID systems start hearing their alters before the age of 18, compared to 28% of schizophrenic people with maltreatment and 38% with maltreatment.

But of course, having people in your head also isn't a disorder, and if you think you have a sentient voice in your head that isn't yours, you can check out my test to find out:

Notably, your average writing character should NOT be able to pass this test.

#syscourse #sysblr #multiplicity #pro endo #pro endogenic #actually a system #psychiatry #psychology #writing #reddit #r/systemscringe #hate group #hate groups #systemscringe #ableism #ableists #sanism

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jaymesyourplaything · 30 days

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TRANSPARENCY

ver they/them is sherlock he/him mod

john he/him is johns mod.

all purple are links.

hello,, i think to start this, i will have to be very transparent. this is going to push a lot of my comfort zones, and... well, writing this is going to... be very difficult for me. i'm sorry. if i give too much leeway, some friends may be upset. if i speak at all, i fear i'm losing some automatically.

but, i wanted to speak up. push myself. my friend gave me the okay, and along with bewitched they are both giving me the courage every day. 🥺🥺🥺

i struggle with speaking up. my co-mod was always the one who, spoke for me. in my life; i am very much a wallflower. in my personal life, people don't like how i am so very willing to see the good in people, even if they hurt me. this is because i was abused and neglected started from a young age.

due to my abuse;

i have a dissociative disorder

it makes it very hard for me to interact with people around me in my day to day life. whenever i am stressed, whenever i feel i should be quiet-i was conditioned well-or if anyone so much as changes their tones, i'll be gone. it's questioning when i come back, but it's often when i'm more comfortable.

so, when someone is out of line, or otherwise mean to me, i would dissociate, and often forget about it. my caretaker once commented on how i wasn't there mentally, i didn't have the ability to hold a grudge. it was not because of a mental deformity, but the neglect i suffered.

i was only ever "real" during happy moments. i would lose focus during un-happy moments. it was easy to create false memories, especially if all i had to go on was my (caretakers) retelling of any story.

my memories, my thoughts and feelings on people, are based entirely of whatever i can remember of them at that moment, and what other's tell me about the memories/people. my reality is easy to be altered. (which is why i stepped back so long, all my thoughts are based on my partner of 10 years, childhood friends who do not interact with this website or anyone in it, or some of my friends who have been helping me correct my behavior who have all stayed out of it for their general lack of like of drama and also it helps me tremendously to interact with the world "alone" and learn how to proceed in my life/process. alone as in they don't interfere, other than advice i ask for. mostly i'm saying i purposeful stepped back from ver and bewitched -and john- anyone involved and spoke to those not involved for my opinions here. )

the best coping mechanism we found is to be extremely grounded. the last year has become the best year of our life after we became aware how severe the abuse was and why i've been the way i have. (we as in my partner and i. we have been together for 9 years now. )

this is why i struggle keeping a narrative for long. i'll lose it, i'll go through various stages of understanding, or memory loss. my narrative is based on those around me and what i see, and other things i can trust. it takes awhile, so i can gather what other's think of what's happened around me, so i can base the truth off it.

(i stayed out of this because i couldn't just, listen to everyone when this is /my/ experience. hence why i talked to my partner, or other -childhood friends not related to anyone here in this space- about such topics for so long, or other trusted friends, until i could gather an idea that isn't biased from my friends. because i trusted john, it hurt a lot for this to happen, it was hard to believe, hence dissociation and why it took so long. heughhh... )

also, yes, co-mod

i co-moded this blog once. if you know who the co-mod is, please keep it private. we have since talked and he has agreed to stay out, he's leaving me to handle the experiences on this account. he has remained quiet by my request. he now has only commented on his own experiences on his blog, only. john never knew the identity of this other person, in fact i don't think i told him my identity either. we spoke as "i" or "we".

edit: gdi pookie i said keep it private wts

my co-mod quit the fucking whore

thats a joke i don't mind they quit. poor communication, i would dissociate and he disapproved that i was continuously supporting him [john] even though i was clearly, by my own mind's definition, in discomfort talking to him. i wanted to be a good mod, keep contact with the other mods. ): i didn't like how he treated people behind the scenes, gossip and stuff. devaluing sherlock for a long time.

my friendship and thoughts on john and ver

i don't think ver is emotionally manipulative, but i didn't think john was abusive either. john has certainly shown he has been abusive since the split at least, but it suspects he could have always been abusive.

john planned replacing sherlock with his friend, from early january at least, but i suspected it back around august 2023

he said early on ver would deserve being replaced. said mine would be a better sherlock once, said he was tired of ver's sherlock, supported the idea of the other sherlocks popping up since jan but said they were also crazy and not to talk to them.

but anyway, here's wonderwall

aka my statement

there are boundaries. revealing personal information about ver, at first in private (with me, who else could he have? ) and then later in public, or messaging them after they (publicly ) told him to stop. then slander, or public harassment (public attempts to communicate, or throw accusations at, or now accuse of sending anon asks without proof -turn off anon asks then john. ) i don't know what happened in private, but publicly john has continuously escalated a situation that ver has attempted to be quiet and respectful on continuously.

i ended my friendship with john because of his continued abuse towards ver since he abruptly and without warning replaced ver.

uh , last thoughts? and a message from me

john was a mean girl who decided to fully bully and harass ver now that ver was free.

ver is just emotional and reacted to johns /empty/ threats of quitting.

which again is mean of him, empty threats, he knew he wanted to replace ver, not quit lol

since he kicked ver out and cut them off, he has continuously reached out, even after ver requested he stop. he has no even made a new account (sherlockbbc-rp blog ) so that he could interact with us (we all had to re-block him, or otherwise ignore him ) since we all have been trying to move on

he is obsessed with ver, which is weird when john is the one who wanted ver gone. ver even tried to help john every step of the way (and wanted the same respect and help. ) which john refused. i believe ver and believe john blew them off until he replaced him, since he's refused my help in similar ways countless times.

i hope ver can move on and recover, they do seem really shaken up and shy because of this event, and john continuously just, escalates. now that we've all done statements, i want to help ver move on. i want to plan and plot more interactions, i want to help cheer them up. i hope johns friends continue to watch and take care of him too, but i honestly am happy i'm not one of them now. it's stressful. i don't need to be friends with someone who puts that much thought into slandering and harassing someone and has no intentions of growing as a person and stopping that behavior. i've been trying, and i'm sure most of my friends would agree i'm doing so much better. i am proud of my improvements, and i am so very proud of ver for moving on and taking all steps i would have. i am not proud of john. i am proud of me for leaving john. my friends are proud, it was difficult for me, very very difficult.

this was difficult to write. as said, in my personal life, i am too soft, too nice. last ex, i remember we talked it out and ended with me saying (so us agreeing ) we were both too immature for the relationship. in reality they were cheating and petty lol. i.. i am often harassed for, not... speaking up, for taking blame, for ending so many things on good terms. two people i respected a lot even judged me when it took me so long to cut john out of my life. it hurt a lot. i've withdrawn a lot, since then. i am excited to move on from this chapter of my life, and continue growing as a person, from poor behavior to just being more assertive.

thank you for reading this, i... i feel no one really cares, but a close friend comforted me, and reminded me that even if no one else cares, that my friend ver appreciates me helping. i was silent so long, partially their request, some was a mutual agreement between me and my co-mod, and a lot was processing... what was going on with john. please be respectful, please be patient with me. this was my friend too. this was ver's friend once too. thank you to my friend, thank you to my continued friends for always helping me in correcting my behavior, or just remaining patient with me during this journey the last year with my own personal growth, and thank you to bewitched and ver for giving me the courage and help to speak out in the first place. i love and appreciate all of you very much.

john, please stop trying to contact me.

#jay #a scandal in tumblr #mod

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archivalofsins · 6 months

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Can't wait for people to start acting like they're experts on a very personal and subjective disorder by telling people they know nothing about personally how it should be discussed in their opinion. That's sarcasm, by the way.

I sincerely hope people can be more respectful when discussing Mikoto, but my hopes aren't high in that regard given the behavior I've seen so far.

Whether they be a singlet or a system is of little importance, in my opinion. Presenting oneself as being intimately aware of how any disorder is based solely on one's personal experience with said disorder or knowing others that have it is how stereotypes form.

Doing this is incredibly harmful regardless if one is speaking from a place of good intent. Dissociative Identity Disorder isn't a fucking monolith and creating an evironment in which it can be viewed as one causes harm to those who don't fit into that monolith. Regardless of if a stereotype is positive or negative, it's still a stereotype that is capable of damaging one person as much as it is of helping another.

So, hopefully, people can move more respectfully and recognize that they do not know what others are going through or how any disorder specifically impacts an individual outside of themselves. Basically, it'd be great if people got more comfortable with saying in my opinion instead of presenting subjectivity as fact.

People are varied and shaped by so many incredibly mundane and large things. It is actually impossible for anyone on this planet to be exactly the same as anyone else. Regardless of if they have certain diagnosis in common or not. This is coming from me the most high-strung and possibly viewed as heavily opinionated person, but at this point, even we're just like chill a little.

If people could recognize that the topics in Amane's trial could be triggering to some I believe the fandom is more than capable of recognizing that how dissociative identity disorder is discussed can be triggering to those suffering from it. Especially considering how it is formed and the very immense amount of thirst and sexualization of Mikoto that is shortly on the horizon. Ya know the guy with the disorder that is intrinsically tied to childhood abuse and sexual trauma. That thing.

It's not even out yet, and he's already being heavily sexualized. He always has been, but this sexualization can impact others a lot differently based on their struggles with the disorder and how far into their personal journey with it they are. Hence why I haven't made any blatant statements on those more heavy aspects of the situation.

Because it is discomforting for me personally due to my experiences. So, it's best to tread with respect and consideration or for those who would have a problem with this behavior like me blacklist the tags and just enjoy it personally on your own at your own pace if it becomes too much.

Milgram is not worth causing further emotional harm to oneself. Especially when it has to do with a disorder as related to trauma as this one. So, please make sure to take care of yourselves and take a step back if it's getting to an unbearable point.

#milgram #mikoto kayano #gunsli rambels

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schizoidvision · 2 months

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Depression vs Schizoid: Spotting the Key Differences

Understanding the nuanced differences between depression and schizoid personality disorder sheds light on the complex nature of mental health disorders. Both conditions affect individuals' emotional experiences, relationships, and self-perception, yet they originate from and impact lives in distinct ways. This exploration delves into their origins, emotional experiences, self-esteem issues, and relationship with anhedonia, providing a clearer picture of their unique characteristics.

1. Difference in Origin:

- Depression is often tied to losses, whether real, imagined, or symbolic, leading to an intense mourning process and sometimes pathological mourning.

- Schizoid personality disorder stems from early childhood attachment difficulties, resulting in protective defenses aiming to preemptively defend against loss through deeper withdrawal from relationships.

2. Self-Other Perception:

- Depressed individuals may desire intimacy but are blocked by negative self-views and emotional turmoil, often yearning for connections they feel are unattainable.

- Schizoids may lack a conscious desire for intimacy, with defenses leading them to withdraw to maintain autonomy and avoid emotional engulfment, often substituting real connections with fantasy.

3. Difference in Emotional Experience:

- Depression involves deep emotional suffering, inward aggression, and unresolved negative feelings towards others, contributing to self-punishment, guilt, and existential despair.

- Schizoid individuals exhibit a limited range of emotions, preferring solitude and defending against existential pain through intellectualization or fantasy, avoiding the deep-seated guilt and anger typical of depression.

4. Low Self-Esteem and Worthlessness:

- Depression leads to internalizing feelings of worthlessness, becoming a core part of self-identity, often managed through self-criticism.

- Schizoids protect their self-esteem by disconnecting from the need for external validation, maintaining self-sufficiency and avoiding situations that might challenge their self-worth.

5. Relationship with Anhedonia:

- Depressive anhedonia is linked to feelings of worthlessness and loss, making desired life aspects and joy seem unattainable.

- Schizoid anhedonia stems from a protective withdrawal and a devaluation of the physical world, contributing to apathy and a decreased motivation for engagement in pleasurable activities.

Summary:

Depression and schizoid personality disorder, while sharing some superficial similarities, diverge significantly in their origins, emotional experiences, and approaches to self-esteem and anhedonia. Depression's roots in loss and mourning contrast with schizoid's early emotional detachment, shaping distinct pathways in their emotional worlds, perceptions of self and others, and engagement with life's pleasures. Understanding these differences is crucial for appropriate recognition and treatment, highlighting the importance of tailored therapeutic approaches to meet the unique needs of individuals with these conditions. It is also possible for a person to experience both of these conditions which can add complexity when making a diagnosis.

Video From My YouTube Channel: Depression vs Schizoid: Spotting the Differences

#schizoid #schizoid dynamics #schizoid pd #schizoid personality disorder #schizoid vision #cluster a #szpd #schizoid adaptations #depression #anhedonia

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longitudinalwaveme · 7 months

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Flash Character Descriptions

Jason Peter "Jay" Garrick (Flash #1): Jay Garrick was a brilliant chemistry student at Midwestern University when he gained his super speed. During a laboratory experiment with hard water (later retconned to heavy water), he worked long into the night and then decided to take a smoke break. In the process of lighting up his cigarette, he knocked over the beakers of heavy water he had been experimenting on, and was overcome by the fumes. The next morning, his professor took him to the hospital, where he woke up several weeks later. Not only had he suffered no ill effects from the inhalation of the gas, he now also had super speed!

After using his speed to win a football game and impress his crush, Joan Williams, Jay went on to graduate from college and become a scientist and professor, while fellow-graduate Joan (also a science major) went to help her father, Major Arthur Williams, develop an "atomic bombardier".

After reading about the crime that was plaguing Keystone City, Jay decided to do something about it. He donned an outlandish outfit (complete with his father's old World War I helmet), and started using his super speed to fight crime. Not too long after, Joan, who had known about Jay's speed basically from the beginning, went to him to ask him for his help in rescuing her father from some evil scientists who had kidnapped him in the hopes of getting ahold of his atomic bombardier. Jay succeeded in rescuing him, and from that point on, Jay and Joan would work together to help the Flash protect Keystone City.

Jay Garrick was a very intelligent young man, and a competent scientist, but he was also very light-hearted and was a bit of a prankster (something which came through in his fights with various criminals). He used his speed very creatively, and he was also well-versed enough in science to know how to best apply his speed to a given situation. In this sense, he was something of a mix of the two Flashes who would succeed him. Jay was very close to his girlfriend Joan, and he kept no secrets from her. The two of them worked together in tandem as a crimefighting team, and, as noted above, Joan was in on Jay's identity as the Flash from the start. (Jay disguised his maskless face by vibrating his face so fast that his features couldn't be properly recognized.) Jay was good-natured and kind, as superheroes tend to be, and it wasn't long before he started teaming up with other superheroic types to achieve even more good than he could have on his own.

Jay was one of the founding members of the Justice Society of America, and he helped them defeat such menaces as Vandal Savage and the Injustice Society of the World. More importantly, however, he and the JSA also fought against the Axis forces throughout WWII, both in the field and on the home front. Jay was, and is, very devoted to the defense of freedom.

When he wasn't fighting Nazis with the JSA, Jay was gathering his own collection of costumed criminals. The most prominent of them all was the Thinker (Clifford DeVoe), a former district attorney who turned to a life of crime after he failed too many cases, and who used his incredible mental powers to mastermind crimes and fight the Flash, but Jay also fought the Fiddler (Isaac Bowin), a man whose Stradivarius violin could weaponize sound, the Ragdoll, a thief who was also an expert contortionist, the Thorn (Rose Canton), a supervillainess with a case of Hollywood Dissociative Identity Disorder and the ability to control plants, and the Shade (Richard Swift), whose single appearance in the Golden Age gave very few hints of the immortal, shadow-controlling gentleman adventurer he would become under the pen of James Robison.

Jay also became friends with a trio of Three Stooges rip-offs named Winky, Blinky, and Noddy. While they weren't terribly bright, they were devoted and loyal friend to Jay and Joan, and they did their best to help the Flash in his efforts to stop crime.

After the end of the war, the JSA went into semi-voluntary retirement after totally-not-HUAC-we-promise tried to force them to reveal their secret identities to the government, and Jay Garrick married his long-time girlfriend, Joan. Unfortunately for him, the Thinker, the Fiddler, and the Shade had one last plot in mind...one which trapped the entirety of Keystone City, including Jay and Joan, in frozen stasis for decades. (At least, that's the Post-Crisis explanation. Pre-Crisis, Jay Garrick lived on an alternate Earth from Barry Allen, and was spurred back into action on hearing that Shade, Fiddler, and Thinker had escaped from prison and gone on a crime spree.)

Jay came out of retirement on the day he met his successor, Barry Allen. Barry, who was a huge fan of Jay Garrick and collected the comics that had been written about Jay's adventures, either accidentally vibrated his way to Earth-Two or found Keystone City and freed Jay, and it, from the stasis in which they had been locked for so long. The two Flashes then teamed up to defeat the trio of villains who were causing trouble, and from that point on, Jay Garrick and Barry Allen were close friends and allies, with Jay serving as something of a mentor to the younger Flash. He helped to reform the Justice Society of America, and he threw himself back into superheroics (something his wife, Joan, supported completely).

Jay Garrick is now one of the elder statesmen of the DC Universe. He's humble, approachable, and very wise, but he still has a twinkle in his eyes and a spring in his step. Everyone in the superhero community likes and respects Jay, and even his villains have come to have a grudging admiration for their long-time foe. Jay is also the most polite man in the DC Universe, and he is well-known amongst the younger heroes for his insistence that everyone keep their language G-rated.

Jay is very protective of younger heroes, and has served as a mentor for dozens of them, including Barry, Wally, and Bart. Jay is close friends with the Green Lantern Alan Scott, and has been for decades upon decades. While Alan is rather more ambitious and driven than Jay, the two of them nevertheless work very well together.

Jay and Joan are still married, and they are as in love as they were on the day they were married. Their marriage is rock-solid, and they almost never keep secrets from one another. In fact, I think they have the healthiest relationship in all of comics, and other superheroes in-universe often cite them as the model they hope to follow for their own marriages. Both Jay and Joan currently teach science at local universities, and neither of them seems particularly interested in retiring. Which is impressive, since they both have to be like 110 years old by this point (a perennial problem for characters who have important backstory ties to WWII).

Jay is very, very competent in the use of his powers, and he is still very fast, but his advanced age has cut his speed to some degree, and it severely affects his stamina. He can't run for nearly as long as the younger Flashes can---but he can mostly make up for these delays through his extensive experience.

Joan Williamson-Garrick: Joan Williamson, like Jay Garrick, studied chemistry at Midwestern University. She was the daughter of Major Arthur Williams, whom she would work for as a scientist after her graduation. Although Joan was initially dismissive of Jay due to his lack of football skills, she quickly warmed up to him, and was in on the secret of his super speed, and his identity as the Flash, from the beginning. She was a very intelligent, competent, and resourceful ally in his fight against crime, and the two of them were devoted partners and friends for the entirety of his Golden Age career.

The two of them were married in Las Vegas, and, after Jay's retirement, lived a peaceful life together for many years (possibly being frozen in time for awhile at some point, depending on which origin you go by). Joan worked a science professor at a local university, much like Jay, and the two of them were mostly very happy together (in spite of the tragic death of their adopted son). When Barry Allen arrived on the scene, Jay came out of retirement with Joan's complete support. She and Jay would quickly befriend Barry and Iris, and they often helped to advise the younger couple.

Joan Garrick is a sweet, loving woman, and she is something of a grandmother the superhero community (and particularly the Flash family). She is an excellent cook and is especially good at making cookies, and she is great at giving advice to anyone who will ask her. She also has a good sense of humor, much like her husband, and seemingly endless patience (vital for anyone who frequently deals with young super-speedsters).

Joan is also very clever and brave in her own right. Much like her husband, she is a science professor, and in her younger years, she faced down numerous criminals alongside Jay. She is not by any means weak or a pushover, even if she has slowed down a bit because of her age. Joan is Jay's equal in every since of the word, and the two of them have a happy and healthy marriage.

Bartholomew (formerly Barrence) Henry "Barry" Allen (Flash #2): Barry Allen was born to Dr. Henry and Nora Allen in the small Midwestern town of Fallville (he also had a secret twin named Malcolm who was taken from his parents at birth and who would grow up to found the lineage that would eventually produce Eobard Thawne, the Reverse-Flash, because comics). He grew up reading comic books about his hero, the Flash (Jay Garrick), and playacting as the Flash with his next-door neighbor and childhood sweetheart, Daphne Dean (who would grow up to become a famous movie star). After he graduated from Fallville High School, Barry went on to attend Sun City University, where he would earn a degree in forensic science.

Barry was hired as a police scientist by the Central City Police Department, and thus moved to Central City, where he met reporter Iris West (she worked for Picture News). Their first date was on the fourth of July, and Barry would eventually propose to her when both of them were riding a Ferris Wheel at a local fair.

Barry got his super speed when lighting crashed through the laboratory window at police headquarters, struck him and a nearby shelf of chemicals, and gave him a bath in some random chemical compounds. Showing some truly horrible lab safety skills, Barry brushed off both the lightning strike and the chemical bath and decided to just go home. After his attempt at hailing a taxi failed, he tried to chase after it---and discovered that he, like his idol, Jay Garrick, now possessed super speed.

After creating a costume, which he would store in a special compartment in his ring, Barry became the second Flash and started fighting crime, and it wasn't long before he started collecting a whole group of costumed criminals, from Captain Cold and Weather Wizard to Gorilla Grodd and Abra Kadabra. He also gained a sidekick in Iris' nephew Wally West when the same accident that had given him super speed repeated itself to give super speed to Wally.

Unfortunately, Barry had a bad habit of keeping secrets from people he cared about. He waited several months to tell Wally his true identity, and he didn't tell Iris that he was the Flash until a year after they married (consciously, anyway....Iris learned the truth on their wedding night when Barry talked in his sleep). He had no malicious intent in doing so, but it is something of a habit of his to keep his problems close to his chest and not talk about them to his loved ones, and sometimes this habit comes back to bite him.

Barry Allen is a very talented and effective police scientist. He's slow, careful, methodical, and patient, both as a scientist and as the Flash. His extensive knowledge of science allows him to use his speed in a variety of useful ways, and he is, of course, very fast. However, due to his scientific mindset, he struggles to use the Speed Force as freely as Jay and Wally, and he cannot access all of the abilities that they possess (such as the ability to create costumes out of the speed force or to lend and steal speed).

In his personal life, Barry is a loyal and devoted friend, but he has a small and rather eccentric social circle. Besides his vivacious wife Iris, to whom he is devoted, this social circle includes his parents, Daphne Dean, and Wally West, but it also includes the Elongated Man (Ralph Dibney) and his wife Sue Dibney, Iris' absent-minded adoptive father, Professor Ira West (a brilliant physicist), his twelve-year-old neighbor and fellow comic enthusiast Barney Sands, college student Stacy Conwell, Dexter Myles, the retired Shakespearean actor who runs the Flash Museum, Detective Frank Curtis, scientist Mack Nathan and his son Troy, Eric and Fran Russel, Iris' biological parents, who live in the 30th century (because comic books), and, perhaps most bizarrely of all, Dr. Albert Desmond, one of his supervillains who reformed and became his close friend, and Albert's wife Rita.

Barry is of course also a founding member of the Justice League of America, and he is friendly with most of his colleagues, but Hal Jordan (the Silver Age Green Lantern) is the only one of them who really seems to be his friend outside of work, and he does not get along at all with the Green Arrow (Oliver Queen).

Barry is a total dork. He has a crew cut and wears bow ties. He loves comic books (his collection is truly astounding to behold) and attends comic conventions regularly, and he is incredibly knowledgeable about the JSA. Furthermore, science, in addition to being his job, also seems to be one of his hobbies, and he really loves being able to teach science to kids ("Flash Fact!"). Barry is generally very good with children, and he was an excellent mentor and loving father figure to Wally West, who really needed a father figure growing up.

Barry is apparently a restless sleeper, as he both sleepwalks and talks in his sleep. (Weirdly, this is a trait he shares with his enemy The Top. Roscoe also talks in his sleep.) He is also afraid of roller coasters and likes to go to masquerade parties dressed as himself (that is, the Flash). He is a hard worker, but he is always, always, always late, something that occasionally draws ire from his superiors---particularly the punctuality-obsessed Darryl Frye---and sometimes draws ire from Iris as well.

Due to a long, convoluted series of events that I don't really feel like explaining right now, Barry and Iris have children in the 30th century---a pair of twins named Dawn and Don Allen. Dawn and Don are the superheroes called the Tornado Twins, and both of them end up being killed due to the machinations of the evil President Thawne (who is not the Reverse-Flash, or Barry's evil twin, but rather a descendant of them both). However, before they died, both of the twins married and produced children of their own. Dawn married a man named Jeven Ognats and had a daughter named Jenni, who would ultimately become the superhero XS and a member of the Legion of Superheroes. Don, meanwhile, married Meloni Thawne, the daughter of President Thawne (who was not evil, unlike most of the rest of her family), and had a son named Bart Allen, who would eventually be sent back to the present and become the superhero Impulse. I hate the Flash family tree so much (even though I like most of the characters involved)....

Barry Allen died saving the Multiverse during Crisis on Infinite Earths, and was dead for over 20 years of real-world time, but he was brought back to life in 2008 during the Final Crisis Event, now with stupid retcons to his history that I like to pretend never happened. (His now famous origin wherein the Reverse Flash killed his mother and framed his father for the crime wasn't introduced until 2009. For comparison, Barry Allen debuted in 1956!) I'm not upset he's alive again, since I like Barry a lot, but him being back does kind of confuse a lot of the stuff regarding the future stuff with his kids and grandkids (since initially, Iris lived out several decades in the future after Barry died, raised her kids, saw her grandchildren be born, and then went back to the present with Bart to save him from his accelerated aging). And that was confusing enough as it was!

Iris West-Allen: Iris West was born in the 30th century to Eric and Fran Russel. Unfortunately, the Earth of the 30th century was on the brink of a nuclear war, so Eric and Fran, desperate to save their baby, sent her back in time to the 20th century, whereupon she was adopted by Professor Ira West and his wife, Nadine West.

Iris has three siblings: an older brother named Rudy (Wally's father), an older sister named Charlotte (who mothered Iris' niece Inez), and a younger brother named Daniel (who fathered Wallace West). Unfortunately, both of Iris' brothers would prove to be less than upstanding men, and so Iris had to provide a lot of support and love to her nephews, who weren't getting it from other sources.

Iris earned a degree in journalism from Columbia University, and, after touring the world with the money her father had earned from his many patents, she settled down in Central City and became a reporter for Picture News. Iris is a determined, clever journalist and is one of the most respected reported in Central City.

Her journalism job also introduced her to Barry Allen (they met at a crime scene), with whom she hit it off. The two quickly began dating and soon fell in love with one another (even if Iris was often frustrated by Barry's constant tardiness). When the Flash arrived on the scene, Iris dutifully reported on his activities, not knowing that her slow and lazy fiancé was also the Fastest Man Alive. W

When Rudy sent a ten-year-old Wally to live with Iris for the summer, Iris introduced him to Barry, who in turn "introduced" Wally to the Flash. Wally would become Kid Flash on that same vacation, but, sworn to secrecy by Barry, he didn't tell Iris.

Iris learned that Barry was the Flash on their wedding night (since Barry talked in his sleep), and she took the news surprisingly well, all things considered. Once she was in the know, she became a very capable confidant, and aided Barry in his career as the Flash.

Iris is fiery, passionate, and full of energy. She is driven and determined to achieve her goals, and she's almost totally fearless, but she can also be very loving, supportive, and caring to the people she's close with. Iris is very good with children, and she is a wonderful and supportive aunt to Wally, Wallace, and Inez (who's only had one appearance but is included for completion's sake). Iris is also much more of an extrovert than Barry is, and she spends a considerable amount of time dragging him out of his own head.

In addition to being an excellent journalist, Iris is also a talented cook and personally sponsors a number of charities throughout Central City (which benefit greatly from her Flash-y husband's fundraising abilities).

In spite of not having any superpowers, Iris is nevertheless surprisingly competent and daring in a fight, and has helped her husband take down criminals more than once in the past.

Unfortunately for Iris, she also has an obsessive stalker in the form of Eobard Thawne (Professor Zoom the Reverse-Flash), who attempted to force her into marriage with him multiple times, and ultimately killed her by vibrating his hand into her brain after she rejected his latest proposal of marriage. Her life was ultimately saved thanks to her 30th-century adoptive parents, who managed to transfer her soul into a cloned body right before she died, but it would be years before she and Barry were reunited...only for Barry to die again not long afterwards.

Iris spent a few decades in the future, raising her children, Don and Dawn Allen, but ultimately returned to the present with her grandson Bart Allen to save him from the hyper-accelerated aging his super-speed had induced. In the present, she reunited with Wally, met his wife Linda, and eventually reunited with a resurrected Barry.

Aaaaand then Flashpoint happened and erased their marriage, and they basically had to go through their entire relationship again in the New 52 and Rebirth era. Boo! Boo I say! (Note that Daniel and Wallace West did not exist before Flashpoint. However, it's not too hard to fit them into the pre-Flashpoint timeline if you squint, and that's basically what I do in my headcanon.)

Wallace Rudolph "Wally" West (Flash #3): Wally West was born to Rudolph and Mary West in the very small town of Blue Valley, Nebraska. Unfortunately, neither of his parents were loving or supportive of him, and his father was outright physically abusive to young Wally (although he was unfortunately just clever enough to not leave any obvious bruises). Wally was therefore a rather lonely child, with his Aunt Iris and his Grandpa Ira serving as his main sources of love and support. He also befriended a young girl named Frances Kane, who also lived in Blue Valley and whose mother was about as much fun to be around as Wally's father.

When the Flash (Barry Allen) came onto the scene, Wally became the Flash's biggest fan. He was the president (and only member) of the Blue Valley Flash Fan Club, and, as such, he was ecstatic when, during his tenth summer, his parents sent him to live with his Aunt Iris for awhile in Central City. He loved his Aunt Iris, and he loved the idea of getting to meet the Flash almost as much.

Iris promptly introduced her nephew to her boyfriend Barry Allen. Wally was not impressed by the dorky police scientist at first...but then Barry Allen told him he knew the Flash, and that he could introduce Wally to him, which he promptly did.

Wally inundated the Flash with questions, but before the Flash could answer any of them, lightning crashed through the window, striking both Wally and a shelf full of chemicals that Barry Allen kept in his apartment and spilling some of the chemicals onto Wally. (It was the Silver Age. Don't ask.) Wally immediately gained the same super-speed as the Flash, and the Flash promptly offered to make Wally his sidekick, Kid Flash. Wally eagerly agreed.

Wally worked alongside the Flash on big cases, but he also worked on his own as Kid Flash in Blue Valley quite often, keeping in touch with his mentor via mail. Barry, now confident that he had chosen the right sidekick, revealed his secret identity to Wally, and from that moment on, Barry became the father figure Wally had always wanted but never really had. Wally loved and idolized Barry, and the two of them became very close--especially after Barry married Iris and became Wally's uncle (and his parents went through a messy divorce).

As Kid Flash, Wally would eventually join up with Aqualad, Robin (Dick Grayson), Wonder Girl (Donna Troy), and Speedy (Roy Harper) to form the Teen Titans, a group of young heroes whose roster would expand considerably over time and eventually come to include Frances Kane, who started demonstrating innate magnetic-controlling abilities in her teens. As part of the Teen Titans, Wally would gain many close friends and a considerable amount of superhero experience. He and Dick Grayson became especially close to one another, and Dick would ultimately be the best man at Wally's wedding.

When Wally turned 18, he enrolled in college, and planned to eventually retire from the superhero life altogether (due in part to the fact that his powers had started to go into flux and were threatening his health). However, events soon conspired to prevent him from graduating college or starting a "normal" life. When his Uncle Barry died saving the universe (and Wally's speed problems were conveniently cured), Wally felt that he had to step up to become the Flash in order to honor his uncle's legacy.

Unfortunately, Barry's death had left some huge shoes to fill, and with Iris off in the far future, Wally had no one to support him as he tried to live up to Barry's legacy. Suffering from depression and impostor syndrome, Wally psychosomatically limited his own speed to the speed of sound to ensure that he would never surpass Barry, dropped out of college, and, after breaking up with Frances Kane (who he had been dating), started a series of disastrous romantic relationships. Wally felt that he was unworthy to be the Flash, and in his desperation to prove himself, he came across as cocky and brash, even arrogant---and his low self-image was not helped by the fact that almost everyone around him kept reminding him of how he was disgracing his uncle's legacy. Nor was it helped by the fact that, when he won the lottery (just go with it), his mother moved in to mooch off of him, recklessly burn through all of his money, and criticize all of his choices. (Also, it turned out that his father was secretly part of an intergalactic cult, and that he had only had Wally because the cult had told him he was going to have a super-powerful son. Don't you just love comics?)

Things got even worse when an alien invasion (a different one from the one started by the cult Wally's dad was a part of) stole all of Wally's remaining finances and he briefly became homeless...but luckily, he ran into the Pied Piper, who helped him out and began what would become a very deep and long-lasting friendship. Wally's relationships with old and experienced jack-of-all-trades Mason Tollbridge, the human black hole named Chunk (whom Wally had saved from a life of crime), scientists Tina and Jerry McGee, Joan Garrick, the Elongated Man, and even Captain Cold, Heat Wave, and the Golden Glider eventually helped pull him out of the hole he had fallen into after his uncle's death, and he gradually became a more competent hero and a happier, more well-adjusted man.

Of course, no one was more important in facilitating Wally's growth from a cocky skirt-chaser with impostor syndrome to a truly confident, loyal husband was Linda Park. When Wally met her, she was a TV reporter in Keystone City, and the two of them butted heads at first, but, over time, they came to enjoy one another's company, started dating, fell in love, saved each other from countless disasters, and then got married. Linda helped Wally to grow up and overcome his insecurities, and Wally helped Linda to relax and have fun. The two of them work together very well and are utterly devoted to one another.

The two of them also have three children: twins Irey and Jai (who are somewhere between 8 and 10 years old due to some initial advanced speedster aging), and the newly-arrived infant Wade West. Wally is a devoted father and delights in being an embarrassingly goofy dad. He's also very close to his younger cousin Wallace West.

Wally is passionate, brave, loyal, and devoted to his friends and loved ones. He is generally friendly and good-natured, and is just as devoted to helping people as the other Flashes are. He's the best user of the Speed Force and is the Fastest Man Alive. He has an intuitive understanding of his speed and uses it to greater effect than basically any other speedster. However, he cannot vibrate through walls like Barry and Jay can (because the excess energy that he produces when he does so causes them to explode!)

Wally has a snarky, dry sense of humor and is very witty (being particularly prone to making sarcastic comments about supervillains). He's very impatient and can be prone to reckless actions, particularly when he gets angry. Wally also has a notable temper, though it seems to have gotten better as he's gotten older.

Although the comics have never outright said it, Wally seems to have ADHD, and is in fact a surprisingly accurate portrayal of the condition (in much the same way as his cousin Bart). That being said, I'm not sure Wally himself realizes he has ADHD, as he seems to blame most of the behavioral manifestations of ADHD on his super speed (and it's also a fair bet that his parents never had him tested for it as a child.)

In spite of his super speed, Wally is not a sports fan, and he especially hates watching baseball on TV. Conversely, he loves to eat. While he doesn't really need to eat to maintain his super speed in the way that he once did, he still has a super-speedy metabolism, and he uses it to eat lots and lots of hot dogs (apparently, they're weenie-licious), hamburgers, and sugared cereals.

Wally has had a number of jobs, including working as a car mechanic for the CCPD, but he is currently employed by Terrifitech as an engineer/mechanic, working for fellow superhero Mr. Terrific.

Linda Park-West: Linda Park is the daughter of John and Lisa Park. She is of Korean descent, and both she and Wally are very fond of Korean barbeque. Linda began her career as a TV reporter before switching to the press, and she has also published a few novels. She has also expressed an interest in pediatric medicine and has taken a few college courses for it.

At the start of her career, Linda was a serious, no-nonsense reporter. She was very good at her job, but she had few friends outside of her work, and she could be a bit uptight. When she first met Wally, they had a mutually adversarial relationship, but over time, they softened towards one another and developed a friendship that then became a romance. She helped Wally mature and grow up a bit, and he helped her loosen up and have fun. The two of them are great for one another, and, in spite of some rough patches, have a very healthy relationship.

Linda is a very intelligent woman and has no shortage of bravery; she's helped Wally face down many criminal threats and is a formidable opponent in her own right. Her skills as an investigative journalist also frequently aid Wally in his battle against crime.

Linda is a loving and devoted mother to her three children, and she will do anything to keep them safe. Woe betide anyone who is foolish enough to mess with her children. While she is the more serious and responsible parent, she is obviously very fond of her children and enjoys spending time with them and her goof of a husband. She's also handles most of the family's finances (since Wally lacks the patience for that sort of thing). She's also very close to her parents, who visit the family regularly. Much like Wally, she is friends with the Pied Piper.

Linda is also a huge sports fan. She loves baseball and is just as big a fan of Keystone City's hockey team, the Combines, as Captain Cold.

Iris "Irey" and Jai West: Wally's twins, both of whom have super speed. Jai can use his super speed to temporarily give himself super strength, while Irey is particularly adept at phasing through walls. Both of them are sweet kids who love their parents and each other, but still they bicker and fight with one another. They are siblings, after all. Jai is more introverted than his sister and seems to prefer playing video games and writing in his journal to socializing. Irey is more outgoing and mischievous, and she has become close friends with Maxine Baker, the daughter of Animal Man (Buddy Baker), who goes to her school. Both children are eager to help their father fight bad guys, but for the most part, Wally and Linda try to keep their kids away from too much combat. The twins are also very fond of their Uncle Piper, their Grandpa Jay, their Grandma Joan, and their Uncle Barry.

Pied Piper (Hartley Rathaway): Hartley Rathaway was born to multi-millionaire publishing magnates Osgood and Rachel Rathaway. He was born deaf, and it took his neglectful parents nearly two years before they realized something was wrong. Once they finally caught on to their son's deafness, and determined to "fix" their heir, they spent millions of dollars to get Dr. William Magnus to implant Hartley with super-advanced hearing aids. The operation was a success, and Hartley was left with not only the ability to hear, but super-human hearing. Upon being able to hear, Hartley quickly became enamored with music, which became something of a solace for the lonely child.

Hartley's parents, though extremely wealthy and able to give him the best of everything money could buy, were also cold, controlling, and neglectful, and Hartley never felt accepted by them or their high-society friends. He seemed to have no friends, and every aspect of his life was controlled by his parents...except his hobby of tinkering with musical instruments.

When Hartley turned 18, his parents selected a prestigious university for him, enrolled him in courses, and, when Hartley, uninterested in the courses they had chosen for him, didn't perform to their expectations, bribed the college to give him high grades. Hartley, for his part, had invented a flute that could hypnotize anyone who listened to it, and began using it to try to take some control of his life.

After several months (maybe even a few years) of conflict with his parents, everything came to a head when Hartley told his parents that he was gay. This kicked off an enormous argument that ended up with Hartley being all but disowned by his family. No longer welcome at home, and having dropped out of college, Hartley decided to use his magical flute to become the Pied Piper. By becoming a costumed criminal and openly stealing from the rich, he would have his revenge on the parents he had never been good enough for...and he would finally have control over his own life.

Hartley's parents were, predictably enough, infuriated by his activity as the Pied Piper, and promptly bribed everyone from the Chief of the CCPD to the FBI to keep Hartley's identity a secret. He was even given a new name, Henry Darrow, to make sure nobody connected the polka-dot-wearing thief with the Rathaways.

The Pied Piper was one of the youngest of the costumed criminals to battle the Flash (Barry Allen), and perhaps it was because he needed a substitute family that he joined up with the Rogues (after briefly dating a wannabe supervillain named Earl Povich/Fury, who would, years later, come after a reformed Hartley). With his upper-class accent and education, he stood out from the rest of the group, and many of them weren't quite sure where to have him---especially once he told them he was gay. However, he did become close friends with another of the younger Rogues, the Trickster (James Jesse), and he always got along well with Heat Wave (Mick Rory), who was gentle and easy-going.

During his career as a criminal, Hartley kept very little of the money he stole. He gave some of the money to his parents, to pay them back for the money they had spent trying to mold him into something he could never be (and to remind them that he still existed and remembered them), and donated much of the rest to various charities (he fancied himself as a bit of a Robin Hood figure, and viewed it as a way to help make reparations for the wealth horded by his family)...but he could still be a very dangerous opponent for the Flash, especially when angered or cornered.

Shortly before Barry Allen's death, Hartley had a nervous breakdown. This, combined with his old foe's sacrifice to save the universe, prompted Hartley to realize that he was wasting his life as a criminal. He reformed and became an advocate for a variety of social causes, including providing aid to the homeless. He became friends with the new Flash, Wally West, and he even reconciled with his parents. Since then, he has helped the Flash save the Twin Cities many times, and also helps to keep the Flash informed as to what's going on the criminal underworld. He's also stayed friends with James Jesse, the Trickster, who himself decided to join the side of the angels (mostly) and who never fails to keep Hartley's life interesting.

Hartley Rathaway is the sort of person people reflexively underestimate. Slight of build and rather quiet of voice (you would be too if whispers sounded like shouting sometimes), he doesn't seem threatening---but if you threaten him or the people he cares about, he can be every bit as dangerous as the Flash (or the Rogues). His weaponized musical instruments allow him to not only hypnotize people but to weaponize sound in a variety of ways, and he is very skilled in using them in combat. He's also a very skilled inventor and is constantly updating his arsenal of pipes, and he knows a lot about sound. (He also sometimes serves as Wally's tech support.)

In addition to being very intelligent, Hartley is a loyal friend and a devoted champion of the poor and underprivileged. He is extremely passionate about his causes and works tirelessly to help others, sometimes to the point where he exhausts himself or forgets to eat. He wants to create a better world for everyone, and he is very compassionate, especially to children, such as his little sister, Geraldine Rathaway. He is also a beloved "uncle" to Jai and Irey West.

Hartley feels a fair deal of guilt about his criminal past, and for that reason works hard to make amends by aiding Wally in his role as the Flash. He spends a good deal of time and effort in helping other ex-convicts reintegrate into society, and also passionately helps Linda expose corruption in high places.

Hartley loves all kinds of music, more or less indiscriminately and equally. He sometimes plays in the Central City orchestra, and he is rarely found without his headphones on and his flute in hand. In addition to his love of music, Hartley is also a baseball fan, and enjoys watching games with fellow fan Linda.

Hartley loves rats and has several pet rats, including one named Moon.

Hartley has had a number of partners over the years. Aside from the aforementioned Earl Povich, he has dated Mike, a chef (probably) and James, who worked as an architect (not to be confused with James Jesse, the Trickster, whose real name is actually Giovanni Giuseppi). His most recent partner is, as you noted, David Singh, who works as a police officer. I don't really know a lot about David other than his occupation, since his relationship with Hartley was introduced in the New 52, and Hartley has had shockingly little panel time since then. Nor do I know how they met (I don't think the comics have ever really explained this, and inquiring minds would like to know, given one of them is a police officer and the other one used to be a supervillain). That being said, Singh does seem to serve as a moral compass for Hartley when he's tempted to revert back to his criminal ways.

Paul Gambi: Paul Gambi is a tailor of Italian descent, and he makes costumes for the Rogues as a sideline to his main business (since the Rogues pay very well for their costumes). He seems to be somewhere between 40 and 60 years old in most of his appearances, and I assume he's older than all of the Rogues.

Gambi has at least two brothers. One of them, whose name we don't know, is in prison, and he left behind a son, Tony, who Paul took in and raised. The other brother, Peter Gambi, is also a tailor, but he makes costumes for superheroes (notably, he made Black Lightning's costume).

Gambi is an expert tailor, and he designed all of the Rogues' outfits so that they would withstand the forces of the Rogues' weapons (e.g., Heat Wave's costume can resist ridiculous amounts of heat, Weather Wizard's costume can withstand high winds and rain, etc.) Although he has gone to prison for brief periods, for the most part he manages to stay under the radar and continue making costumes (it helps that he has a legitimate business as well).

Gambi is very fond of the Rogues, and they are equally fond of him, viewing him as a friend and an ally. Messing with Gambi is a great way to get all the Rogues to come after you. Gambi also seems to be a good uncle to his nephew Tony (whom the Rogues are also extremely fond of), and both uncle and nephew are as good as part of the group.

Fun Fact: Paul Gambi was named after a real-life Flash fan named Paul Gambaccini.

It's late now and I'm tired, so I will finish up the rest of the characters tomorrow.

#flash comics #flash rogues #pied piper #barry allen #wally west #jay garrick #iris allen #linda park #joan garrick #irey west #jai west #paul gambi #dc comics

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mysoullanguage · 2 years

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#0004 moon notes n.01

(+ personal observations)

hard moon/mars aspects may have felt as if they were in competition with their mother when they were a child. their mother may have been strict or possessive or seen the child as something to compete with. the mother didn’t see the child as someone to nurture but as someone that could be bigger and better than her

moon/mars aspects may settle very early on in their lives — they are impatient for a home/family

hard moon/mercury placements often suffer from horribly clouded judgment. mercury may be a very rational/objective/cold planet but when paired with moon, can often take things super personally. they find it hard to take and give criticism. they think through an unbalanced lens of rationale and emotion

as expressive as fire moons are emotionally, they are often insecure in how they feel. they need a lot more reassurance than other signs. their defensive habits stem from their need to constantly protect their ego. they hate feeling vulnerable a lot more than other signs and take it as a threat when someone knows how they really feel

moon/saturn placements (or moon in capricorn/aquarius) grew up/matured at a very young age, often being the eldest child/the mother for their younger siblings. with this placement, there is a strong possibility of eating disorders like anorexia/bulimia

moon/uranus placements, especially conj., leave their homes early or dream of leaving the house at a young age

pisces moons are emotional sponges. they often struggle having their own sense of identity or their own feelings because they often become deluded with others’ burdens and emotions

#astro observations #astro notes #astrology

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homomenhommes · 2 months

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THIS DAY IN GAY HISTORY

based on: The White Crane Institute's 'Gay Wisdom', Gay Birthdays, Gay For Today, Famous GLBT, glbt-Gay Encylopedia, Today in Gay History, Wikipedia, and more … February 21

1801 – John Henry Newman, the English Catholic cardinal was born on this date (d.1890). There's no denying that the great English churchman's most important work, the Apologia pro Vita Sua, contains many homoerotic passages of intense beauty, but is there reason to suspect that his love for other men extended to the flesh itself?

Newman was particularly devoted to his friend Brother Ambrose, fourteen years his junior. Grief-stricken by his death in 1875, the cardinal threw himself upon the deathbed and spent the night with the corpse. Newman joined his friend in death fifteen years later. By his own instructions, his body was buried in the same grave. The two men have a joint memorial stone inscribed with the motto Newman had chosen, Ex umbris et imaginibus in veritatem ("Out of shadows and phantasms into the truth"). By any measure, theirs was a close friendship

1892 – on this date the American psychiatrist Harry Stack Sullivan was born (d.1949). In the understanding of mental disorders, this influential psychiatrist believed that psychoanalysis, although essentially valid, needed to be supplemented by a thoroughgoing study of the impact of cultural forces upon the personality.

He made his reputation based on his experimental treatment ward for schizophrenics at the Sheppard Pratt Hospital, between 1925-29. The ward had a cure rate of approximately 86% without neuroleptic medication. All of the patients on the ward were gay men, and the specially trained ward attendants were either gay or gay-friendly. Thus the patients, who were all young male homosexuals as well as schizophrenics, in their positive interactions with the attendants, would heal the wounds from societal prejudice and missing male intimacy.

As World War II approached, he sought to prevent the psychiatric casualties that had resulted during the brief involvement of the United States in World War I. Sullivan convinced the War Department that a systematic, professional mental health screening process with limited attention to sexual issues would help the government avoid the immense cost of treating wounded soldiers. This screening would identify gay men. Sullivan believed that such men were not suited to military service.

Sullivan held that everyone possessed an emotional and sexual interest in both sexes. Males normally passed through a homosexual phase, but men who remained homosexual suffered from faulty personality development. A Selective Service screening would work as a form of preventive psychiatry, a way of protecting gay men from sustaining damage. Although Sullivan thought adult homosexuals suffered from faulty personality development, he did not see homosexuality as an illness and separated himself from most of his professional peers by advocating that gay men and lesbians should be accepted as is.

In the years following his death, recognition of his accomplishments was intentionally overlooked because of his own homosexuality. Sullivan, however, is now acknowledged as the prime developer of the interpersonal approach to psychiatry and as one of the great American psychiatrists of the century.

Forgotten, finally, is his great "sin." In middle age, he adopted a fifteen-year-old male patient, with whom he lived as "father" and "son" for more than 15 years. Sullivan had a long-term sexual relationship with the young man, James Inscoe Sullivan ("Jimmie"). Jimmie was known to Sullivan's associates as his adopted son, which allowed Sullivan to keep his sexual identity in the closet.

1903 – The bisexual novelist Anaïs Nin is best known for her sexually frank diaries and the erotica published after her death. (d.1977)

Nin was born in Neuilly-sur-Seine, a suburb of Paris, the only daughter and oldest child of Joaquin Nin, a Spanish composer and pianist who abandoned his family when she was ten years old, and Rosa Culmell, an operatic singer and daughter of a well-to-do Cuban family. Rosa took her three children to New York when Anaïs was eleven years old.

On board ship, she began a diary that would grow to 150 volumes in more than 50 years. Though the first volume would not be published until 1966, Nin began publishing poetic fiction based on her diary in 1936.

Nin's most prolific period of creativity was during the time that she lived with her husband, Hugh Guiler, in Paris from 1923 to 1939, especially after she met Henry Miller at the end of 1931. Her first book, just completed when she met Miller, was D.H. Lawrence: an Unprofessional Study (1932).

Out of the frenzied writing of her diary during this period of her sexual awakening—when she fell in love with first June and then Henry Miller—came a brief poetic novelette (The House of Incest, 1936) and a book of short fiction (The Winter of Artifice, 1939). These are still among her best fiction.

Though a severely censored and altered version of the diaries of this period became her Diary I (1966), the unexpurgated portions of this period appeared long after her death as Henry and June (1986) and Incest (1992).

The title of the latter volume, like the impetus for her diary writing, came from sexual violation and abandonment by her beloved, narcissistic father. She began her diary not only to win him back but to create the "good" girl whom he could love.

Though she saw him on various occasions when she first moved back to France, she reconciled with him in 1932. Then they began a sexual affair propelled both by his continued exploitation of her need for love and by her recent sexual awakening. Eventually, after psychoanalysis, she abandoned her father, who died in Cuba in 1949.

In the 1940s in New York City, Nin set up her own printing press in Greenwich Village; here she republished her Paris books and a collection of short fiction, Under a Glass Bell (1944).

She also wrote erotica—admitted hack work—for a dollar a page, money she gave to the youthful and needy artists in her circle. Her first mainstream publisher, Dutton, was secured for her by Gore Vidal, one of her growing group of gay and bisexual male friends (several of whom became her lovers).

After mining her diary for six novels—Ladders to Fire (1946), Children of the Albatross (1947), The Four Chambered Heart (1950), A Spy in the House of Love (1954), Seduction of the Minotaur (1961), and Collages (1964)-—Nin began publishing the diaries.

She loved emotionally and physically both men and women. Though she denies lesbianism in Seduction of the Minotaur, unpublished portions of her diary suggest otherwise. During the last nearly thirty years of her life, she divided her time alternately between two husbands, Hugh Guiler in New York City and Rupert Pole in Los Angeles.

1940 – Keith Prentice (d.1992) was a Dayton, Ohio-born American TV, film and stage actor, whose most famous role was the part of Larry in both the original stage and film versions of The Boys in the Band. Prentice also appeared on the classic TV soap Dark Shadows during the series' final months in 1971. Until just several years ago, his picture was displayed on the Tasters Choice coffee label.

Prentice studied in New York City at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. His stage musical credits include Sail Away, The Sound of Music, Paint Your Wagon, and The King and I. In 1968, he appeared off-Broadway in the non-musical The Boys in the Band, a once controversial play featuring gay characters at a dramatic birthday party - the Summer before the Stonewall gay civil rights riots. He also appeared in the movie version of the play. In 1971 Keith joined the cast of Dark Shadows playing Morgan Collins in the show's 1841PT plot line. Prentice also appeared as Nils Fowler in the 1972 film The Legend of Nigger Charley and had a small role in the 1980 film Cruising which, like Boys in the Band, was directed by William Friedkin.

In 1982 Keith Prentice co-founded Kettering Theatre Under The Stars, and directed summer shows there until the year of his death. He died of AIDS-related cancer on September 27, 1992 in Kettering, Ohio.

1947 – A New York court upholds the conviction of a man for public indecency for sending a young man a letter stating his desire to fuck him. A month later, another court frees him because there was actually no law against what he did. 😂

1955 – Sister Boom Boom, also known as Sister Mary Boom Boom, was the drag nun persona of astrologer Jack Fertig (d.2012), a retired member of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, a street performance organization that uses drag and religious imagery to call attention to sexual intolerance and satirize issues of gender and morality.

Fertig was born in Chicago, Illinois. Born to a Jewish father and a Christian mother, he converted to Islam in 2003. Often erroneously credited as a founder of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Sister Boom Boom actually joined the Sisters in 1980, several months after its founding. She left the order in the Spring of 1986. Her full name was Sister Rose of the Bloody Stains of the Sacred Robes of Jesus, which would trail into a sing-song cadence and a long fermata. This called for a short nickname.

In 1982, Sister Boom Boom ran for a seat on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors with agitprop campaigning tactics bringing humor and raising issues she felt were being ignored in the race. She won 23,124 votes with her occupation listed as "Nun of the Above". Five supervisors were elected; she placed eighth. After she started campaigning for mayor in 1983 against incumbent Dianne Feinstein, San Francisco passed an ordinance requiring candidates to use only their legal names on the ballot. This was commonly called the "Sister Boom Boom law".

Boom Boom wrote a theatrical-ritual exorcism of Jerry Falwell and Phyllis Schlafly performed in Union Square on July 13, the Friday before the 1984 Democratic National Convention before a crowd of 2,000. She is one of the characters in Emily Mann's play Execution of Justice about the trial of Dan White for the 1978 Moscone–Milk assassinations. George Moscone was mayor of San Francisco and Harvey Milk was the city's first openly gay supervisor. In the Broadway production she was played by Wesley Snipes.

Jack Fertig retired Sister Boom Boom in 1985, and joined a sobriety program.

Cleve Jones, AIDS activist and creator of the NAMES Project AIDS Quilt, remembers Sister Boom Boom as a "dear friend" and a "fierce advocate for the poor and immigrant communities." He also said, "I knew this person Sister Boom Boom and I knew Jack Fertig and it took me a year and a half to realize they were the same person!"

In 2009, a mysterious figure in a burqa, appeared at the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence 30th Anniversary Exhibition at Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. The black silhouette revealed herself as "Sister Boom Boom XXX." When asked about the name change in a 2010 interview, Sister explained, "Sister Boom Boom is my slave name. Now that I am Muslim, I'm Boom Boom XXX." After the 30th anniversary, Sister Boom Boom XXX started to reconnect with the Sisters at socials and select public events. That same year, Sister Boom Boom XXX spoke ata "Sister Spirituality" panel for San Francisco's Buddhist Fellowship. It would be her last public appearance.

Fertig worked as an astrologer until his death in San Francisco, California, from liver cancer on August 5, 2012.

1976 – A Detroit jury awards more than $200,000 in damages to a man who contends that he was "turned into" a homosexual by a 1975 automobile accident in which his car was rear-ended by another vehicle.

1979 – Tituss Burgess is an American actor and singer. He has appeared in numerous Broadway musicals and is known for his high tenor voice. He is best known for starring as Titus Andromedon on the Netflix comedy series Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (2015–2020), for which he has received five Primetime Emmy Award nominations.

Born and raised in Athens, Georgia, he attended Cedar Shoals High School where he was active in the theatre program. He graduated from the University of Georgia with a BA in music.He is gay.

Burgess made his great Broadway debut in the musical Good Vibrations as Eddie in 2005, and then appeared in Jersey Boys in 2005 as Hal Miller. He originated the role of "Sebastian the Crab" in the musical The Little Mermaid in 2007 and went on to the role of Nicely-Nicely Johnson, traditionally played by a white actor, in the revival of Guys and Dolls in 2009. He has also performed in several regional theater productions, including The Wiz and Jesus Christ Superstar.

1980 – Tiziano Ferro is an Italian pop singer, songwriter, producer and author. He broke through in 2001 with his international hit single "Perdono" and has remained commercially successful since then, primarily in his home country. Ferro has released a Spanish version of each of his albums, and has also sung in English, Portuguese, and French. Known as the modern face of Italian pop music, he frequently writes songs for other artists.

In contrast to his flourishing professional life, Ferro's personal life was marked by ever increasing despondency. Convinced that he would have to give up his singing career if the truth about his sexuality were ever revealed, he kept family and friends at a distance, living alone in England. He was diagnosed as depressed in 2008 and started taking antidepressants. In late 2009 he came close to taking his own life, going as far as to write a suicide note.

In October 2010, at the height of his fame, Ferro came out as gay, admitting that he had remained closeted out of fear that his homosexuality was not compatible with a career as a pop singer.

In early 2010 his desperation had led him to break down and come out to his father, an event that inspired the title of his first book, Trent'anni e una chiacchierata con papà (Thirty years and a talk with dad). This book was published shortly after publicly coming out as gay in October 2010, and contains most of his personal diaries, dutifully kept since his teenage years.

The following year Ferro moved back to Italy to end his isolation and live closer to his friends and family.

Aside from his success as an artist, Ferro is well known for his other personal struggles. Having been overweight as a teenager, he has been outspoken about his battles with food addiction and eating disorders.

Since his debut in 2001, Ferro has worked himself up to becoming one of the best-selling artists in Italy today. Both his third album Nessuno è solo and fourth album Alla mia età were certified diamond. Despite his fears, his coming-out did not negatively affect his career, as fifth album L'amore è una cosa semplice was the best-selling album of 2012 in Italy, and the tour supporting this album included his first full stadium concert at the Stadio Olimpico in Rome.

1987 – Elliot Page (formerly Ellen Page) is a Canadian actor and producer.He first became known for his role in the film and television series Pit Pony (1997–2000), for which he won a Young Artist Award, and for recurring roles in Trailer Park Boys (2002) and ReGenesis (2004). Page also received recognition for his role in the film Hard Candy (2005), and won the Austin Film Critics Association's Award for Best Actress.

Elliot Page was born on February 21, 1987, in Halifax, Nova Scotia. His parents are Martha Philpotts, a teacher, and Dennis Page, a graphic designer.[3] Assigned female at birth, he was originally named Ellen Page. Page attended the Halifax Grammar School until grade 10, spent some time at Queen Elizabeth High School, and graduated from the Shambhala School in 2005. He subsequently spent two years in Toronto, Ontario, studying in the Interact Program at Vaughan Road Academy, along with close friend and fellow Canadian actor Mark Rendall.

Page had his cinematic breakthrough with the title role in Jason Reitman's film Juno (2007), earning nominations for an Academy Award, a BAFTA Award, a Critics' Choice Award, a Golden Globe Award and a Screen Actors Guild Award. He earned praise for roles in The Tracey Fragments (2007), Whip It (2009), Super (2010), Inception (2010), and Tallulah (2016). Page portrayed Kitty Pryde in the X-Men films The Last Stand (2006) and Days of Future Past (2014), produced the film Freeheld (2015) in which he also starred, and made his directorial debut with the documentary There's Something in the Water (2019). He provided voice acting and motion-capture acting for the main character in the video game Beyond: Two Souls (2013). Since 2019, he has portrayed Vanya Hargreeves in the Netflix series The Umbrella Academy.

Page publicly came out as a gay woman in February 2014 and subsequently as transgender in December 2020, announcing his new name as Elliot Page.

In January 2018, Page announced his marriage to dancer and choreographer Emma Portner on an unspecified date. The couple met after Page noticed Portner on Instagram.

On December 1, 2020, Page came out as transgender on his social media accounts, specified his pronouns as he/him and they/them, and revealed his new name, Elliot Page. GLAAD spokesperson Nick Adams stated that Page "will now be an inspiration to countless trans and non-binary people". His spouse Emma Portner expressed support for him coming out on the same day on her Instagram account, saying she was "so proud" of Page. Netflix tweeted: "So proud of our superhero! We love you Elliot!" Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and several celebrities, such as Ellen DeGeneres, James Gunn, and Kumail Nanjiani, expressed support for Page on social media after the announcement.

Today's Gay Wisdom

W.H. AUDEN'S PLATONIC BLOW

A Platonic Blow or "The Gobble Poem"

It was a spring day, a day for a lay, when the air Smelled like a locker-room, a day to blow or get blown; Returning from lunch I turned my corner and there On a near-by stoop I saw him standing alone.

I glanced as I advanced. The clean white T-shirt outlined A forceful torso; the light-blue denims divulged Much. I observed the snug curves where they hugged the behind, I watched the crotch where the cloth intriguingly bulged.

Our eyes met. I felt sick. My knees turned weak. I couldn't move. I didn't know what to say. In a blur I heard words, myself like a stranger speak "Will you come to my room?" Then a husky voice "O.K."

I produced some beer and we talked. Like a little boy He told me his story. Present address: next door. Half Polish, half Irish. The youngest. From Illinois. Profession: mechanic. Name: Bud. Age: twenty-four.

He put down his glass and stretched his bare arms along The back of my sofa. The afternoon sunlight struck The blond hairs on the wrist near my head. His chin was strong, His mouth sucky. I could hardly believe my luck.

And here he was, sitting beside me, legs apart. I could bear it no longer. I touched the inside of his thigh. His reply was to move it closer. I trembled, my heart Thumped and jumped as my fingers went to his fly.

I opened a gap in the flap. I went in there. I sought for a slit in the gripper shorts that had charge Of the basket I asked for. I came to warm flesh, then to hair. I went on. I found what I hoped. I groped. It was large.

He responded to my fondling in a charming, disarming way: Without a word he unbuckled his belt while I felt, And lolled back, stretching his legs. His pants fell away. Carefully drawing it out, I beheld what I held.

The circumcised head was a work of mastercraft With perfectly bevelled rim, of unusual weight And the friendliest red. Even relaxed, the shaft Was of noble dimensions with the wrinkles that indicate

Singular powers of extension. For a second or two It lay there inert, then it suddenly stirred in my hand, Then paused as if frightened or doubtful of what to do, And then with a violent jerk began to expand.

By soundless bounds it extended and distended, by quick Great leaps it rose, it flushed, it rushed to its full size, Nearly nine inches long and three inches thick, A royal column, ineffably solemn and wise.

I tested its length and strength with a manual squeeze, I bunched my fingers and twirled them about the knob, I stroked it from top to bottom. I got on my knees. I lowered my head. I opened my mouth for the job.

But he pushed me gently away. He bent down. He unlaced His shoes. He removed his socks. Stood up. Shed His pants altogether. Muscles in arms and waist Rippled as he whipped his T-shirt over his head.

I scanned his tan, enjoyed the contrast of brown Trunk against white shorts taut around small Hips. With a dig and a wriggle he peeled them down. I tore off my clothes. He faced me, smiling. I saw all.

The gorgeous organ stood stiffly and straightly out With a slight flare upwards. At each beat of his heart it threw An odd little nod my way. From the slot of the spout Exuded a drop of transparent viscous goo.

The lair of hair was fair, the grove of a young man, A tangle of curls and whorls, luxuriant but couth. Except for a spur of golden hairs that fan To the neat navel, the rest of the belly was smooth.

Well-hung, slung from the fork of the muscular legs, The firm vase of his sperm like a bulging pear, Cradling its handsome glands, two herculean eggs, Swung as he came towards me, shameless, bare.

We aligned mouths. We entwined. All act was clutch, All fact, contact, the attack and the interlock Of tongues, the charms of arms. I shook at the touch Of his fresh flesh. I rocked at the shock of his cock.

Straddling my legs a little I inserted his divine Person between and closed on it tight as I could. The upright warmth of his belly lay all along mine. Nude, glued together, for a minute we stood.

I stroked the lobes of his ears, the back of his head And the broad shoulders. I took bold hold of the compact Globes of his bottom. We tottered. He fell on the bed. Lips parted, eyes closed, he lay there, ripe for the act,

Mad to be had, to be felt and smelled. My lips Explored the adorable masculine tits. My eyes Assessed the chest. I caressed the athletic hips And the slim limbs. I approved the grooves of the thighs.

I hugged, I snugged into an armpit, I sniffed The subtle whiff of its tuft, I lapped up the taste Of its hot hollow. My fingers began to drift On a trek of inspection, a leisurely tour of the waist.

Downward in narrowing circles they playfully strayed, Encroached on his privates like poachers, approached the prick, But teasingly swerved, retreated from meeting. It betrayed Its pleading need by a pretty imploring kick

."Shall I rim you?" I whispered. He shifted his limbs in assent, Turned on his side and opened his legs, let me pass To the dark parts behind. I kissed as I went The great thick cord that ran back from his balls to his arse.

Prying the buttocks aside, I nosed my way in Down the shaggy slopes. I came to the puckered goal. It was quick to my licking. He pressed his crotch to my chin. His thighs squirmed as my tongue wormed in his hole.

His sensations yearned for consummation. He untucked His legs and lay panting, hot as a teen-age boy, Naked, enlarged, charged, aching to get sucked, Clawing the sheet, all his pores open to joy.

I inspected his erection. I surveyed his parts with a stare From scrotum level. Sighting along the underside Of his cock I looked through the forest of pubic hair To the range of the chest beyond, rising lofty and wide.

I admired the texture, the delicate wrinkles and the neat Sutures of the capacious bag. I adored the grace Of the male genitalia. I raised the delicious meat Up to my mouth, brought the face of its hard-on to my face.

Slipping my lips round the Byzantine dome of the head With the tip of my tongue I caressed the sensitive groove. He thrilled to the trill. "That's lovely!" he hoarsely said. "Go on! Go on!" Very slowly I started to move.Gently, intently, I slid to the massive base Of his tower of power, paused there a moment down In the warm moist thicket, then began to retrace Inch by inch the smooth way to the throbbing crown.

Indwelling excitements swelled at the delights to come As I descended and ascended those thick distended walls. I grasped his root between my left forefinger and thumb And with my right hand tickled his heavy, voluminous balls.

I plunged with a rhythmical lunge, steady and slow, And at every stroke made a corkscrew roll with my tongue. His soul reeled in the feeling. He whimpered "Oh!" As I tongued and squeezed and rolled and tickled and swung.

Then I pressed on the spot where the groin is joined to the cock, Slipped a finger into his arse and massaged him from inside. The secret sluices of his juices began to unlock. He melted into what he felt. "O Jesus!" he cried.

Waves of immeasurable pleasures mounted his member in quick Spasms. I lay still in the notch of his crotch inhaling his sweat. His ring convulsed round my finger. Into me, rich and thick, His hot spunk spouted in gouts, spurted in jet after jet.

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aylacavebear · 24 days

Text

Retribution Chapter 1

18+ for numerous reasons

Summary: You had DID for most of your life, over forty years, since you were two. It wasn't until after you were forty-three that you were finally able to heal it and become a singular. You're a hunter and have been with Dean for a very long time. Once you become singular, you have to face the horrors that your mental illness subjected on those you cared about, loved. Can you get past seeing yourself as worse than any monster you've ever hunted down?

Pairing is Dean Winchester x Reader/You

Warnings: Sexual Abuse (memories), Physical Abuse (memories), DID - Dissociation Identity Disorder (AKA MPD), Mental Health Issues, Alcoholism, Self-Deprecation, Thoughts of deserving to have it all done to "you".

Please, if you suffer from any mental illness, seek help. There are people out there who can help you get through it, no matter how alone you feel now or how hard it may seem.

A/N: This is going to be very dark, darker than anything I've written thus far. It will include many triggers - abuse both sexual and physical - in memories and what happens to the reader. I'm hoping it will have a happy ending but right now, I am not sure where this will go. This is your main warning before you begin reading. A/N: Dreams and Memories are indented in italics. Thoughts are in italics only.

Word Count: 1849

----------------------------------------- Chapter 1 - The Night You Run Away

You had DID for most of your life, over forty years, since you were two. It wasn't until after you were forty-three that you were finally able to heal it and become a singular.

The DID and having 42 personalities made life easy in some ways and horrible in others. Some personalities had valuable skills which helped while you took on cases and hunted down monsters. Other personalities were like scared children, hiding most of the time in the mind. Then there were the ones that partied after a successful hunt, taking the body on a ride that included whiskey, men, music, and sex. It was the ones who abused your partner, the man who loved you, that hurt more than anything.

He was being sexually and physically abused by your personalities every night. Lashing out at him and him alone. He would tell you about it, but you had no memories at the time. It wasn't until after you became a singular that most of the memories hit you.

You ran that night when the memories came, leaving the man you loved, as you couldn't face him, let alone face his brother. Not knowing what you know now. It hurt far too much, and you felt more like a monster than any monster you'd killed.

The roar of your truck's engine is the only sound echoing in your ears as horrible scenes played through your mind. Tears flowed from your eyes, threatening to blur your vision as you drove further away from the bunker and out of town.

You wanted to die for what you'd done while you had DID. The people your illness had hurt, had abused.

Your screams filled the cab of your truck as you stepped on the gas. You'd made sure to turn off the GPS on your phone before you had started driving so he couldn't track you down. He deserved better, and you knew it.

Somehow, you forced the tears to stop. You had to get as far away from him as possible. At the moment, it didn't matter that he hadn't handled things well when your personalities were abusive. He could have handled things differently in some cases. The thing driving you was that he never put his hands on you in retribution for what your personalities had done to him, and he'd never left, kicked you out, or cheated on you.

Sometime around four in the morning, you finally found a motel in a town far from the bunker, from him. After checking in, you walked to the corner store, purchased a couple bottles of whiskey, then locked yourself in your room, proceeding to drown yourself in alcohol.

Your phone went off, but you'd ignored it for the umpteenth time. Half the first bottle was gone, and at this point, you were relatively drunk and hadn't stopped crying. An hour later, you'd cried yourself to sleep, which were filled with nightmares of what your personalities had done to the man you'd loved.

The room was dark, but you'd recognize the furnishings anywhere. It was the room the two of you shared. You were standing between the bed and the door in an invisible bubble. On the bed, he was sleeping soundly, naked, like you both usually did after an intimate evening. You watched as your body on the bed next to him woke. It sat up, turning to him before slowly dancing its fingertips along his bare chest. He let out a low moan, his body responding to their touch. At first, you watched in mild curiosity, but fear soon took over as they looked at you, smirking. They turned their attention back to his body, their hands moving down his chest, teasing along his inner thigh, then slowly jerking him off to get him hard. You pounded your fists against the invisible bubble, screaming for them to stop, for him to wake up, for him not to touch them, but he couldn’t hear you. He didn’t wake, not from their touches. All you could do was watch as they climbed on top of him, lined his cock up with their entrance before slowly sliding down, taking him to his base. They rode him, rocking their hips against his, grinding him deep inside them. You heard their orgasm hit them and watched as they rode it out. That was when he reached up and grabbed their hips, and the entire situation changed. A switch happened, causing another personality to come forward, now fighting an invisible attacker as they were thrown into some flashback you couldn’t see. They punched him in the face, getting off of him the moment he let go to cover his face. He was still partially asleep, though, as they shied away, trying to get to the far side of the bed in utter terror. He rolled to his side, trying to comfort them, but the moment he touched them again, they swung at him. He did block several hits, but they got several in, and you knew he’d have a black eye from all of it. They even brought a knee up, getting him in his stomach. You felt the tears fall down your cheeks as you hit your knees, sobbing, unable to stop what was happening in your nightmare, the memory replaying.

Your eyelids felt heavy as you began waking up, not wanting to open your eyes. Again, your phone was vibrating on the night table. Another call you couldn’t answer. Slowly, you pulled yourself into a ball on the bed, feeling the burning of fresh tears as you opened your eyes.

“Noon…” you mumbled, glancing at the clock, not really caring.

There had to be a way to get through this, but you weren’t even sure where to start. You couldn’t understand why he’d stayed with you or kept you around, let alone love you with what your personalities had done to him. You also knew you couldn’t stay in one place too long.

He deserves better. I’m a monster.

Somehow, you managed to get out of bed, grab your belongings, and leave. The brothers knew you well and your habits, at least when you had DID. Things were different now. You couldn’t go anywhere that anyone might know you, so you drove further north from where you were.

At least by having their memories, you could avoid anywhere they would have gone. Sleazy motels were out, as were bars and small towns. You had no desire to go into another bar for the rest of your life due to the memories you now had. You couldn’t even count how many times your personalities had cheated on him, and that broke your heart into pieces.

“You need to get help, Y/N,” Sam argued with yet another personality. You were sitting in the library, reading a book, the personality in charge of driving the body doing the research needed for the next case. They didn’t even look up at him. “I’m busy doing the research for the case. I don’t have time to get help,” you replied nonchalantly. “It’s getting worse. He isn’t telling you everything anymore. This has got to stop, Y/N,” Sam continued, his tone stern and angry. “I don’t have any memories of the stuff he brings up-,” you began, still casually, but Sam cut you off. “Damnit, Y/N! Have you not seen the bruises? The black eyes, the split lips, the black and blues from you hitting him? Seriously?” he pushed angrily. That was when you stood up and got in his face, “Look, I don’t remember any of it. I don’t know how to stop it or do anything about it. I even tried sleeping in another room, and things still happened, according to him. What the hell do you want me to do about it?!” you growled at him, getting pissed. “Get some help, Y/N. Go see someone-,” Sam began, but you cut him off. “You mean admit myself to the mental hospital,” you began, but looking back on this memory, you saw it, the switch to a different personality, “If you want me to leave, I’ll leave. I don’t want him to get hurt because of me,” you said somewhat quietly as your entire demeanor changed. Sam sighed, seeing the switch as well, “That’s not what I meant. Neither of us wants you to leave. We just want you to get help for what you have.”

You felt the tears stream down your cheeks as you drove. There were so many memories like that now, where you could see the switches. Only now, there were the nightmares where the memories you didn’t want, tortured your mind.

When you reached the next motel, two states later, you began drinking again. They had both tried to call you numerous times, leaving you voice mails and text messages to call them. You couldn’t though, not now, not with what you’d done to them. Alcohol wasn’t the best option, but to you, it was better than being sober and crying.

How can either of them see me as anything other than a monster? How can I even see myself as anything other than a monster? Could I make up for what I did when I had DID?

With that last thought, you remembered how when Dean had died and spent four months in hell, it was equivalent to forty years. Your eyes almost lit up at the thought of that. It was a bad idea, and if you were in your right mind, you might have been able to talk yourself out of it. It was worse than a bad idea. It was a horrible idea. The brothers would never have let you even consider this.

I can summon Crowley. I don’t need to die, do I? Would I have to die for the time thing to work? I could go to hell, have it all done to me. They would all get retribution that way. What I dished out when I had DID would be done to me tenfold.

Your mind continued to wander along this thought process as you sipped the whiskey. That first bottle now almost gone, and you were quite drunk, again. At the moment, it made sense to you. In most cases, those who had been abused wanted their abuser to experience at least a fraction of what they’d done to the person abused.

Perhaps Crowley could put my body on ice or something if he has to take my soul to hell for this. It would be poetic justice. This way, I’d be able to feel what they did. What would Crowley want in return? He’s always stuck to deals in the past.

The phone buzzing pulled you from your thoughts. It was him again. Just seeing his name brought fresh tears to your eyes, and you looked away from your phone. You barely finished the bottle of whiskey before you fell to your side onto the bed, passed out in a drunken, dreamless sleep.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 2 - Too Many Thoughts

Retribution Master List

Tag List: @jc-winchester

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