#also something about noir is not Quite how i wanted

[exx-bee]

Great Fire of London .... 2!

#hes from the 30s man he doesnt know how to cook #laugh at my joke boy #atsv #noirpunk #doing my duty to the tag by letting the whole 5 other people that care about them see this #they get takeout after the fire is gone #first time drawing hobie need more practice with him ...... i like his swag a Lot :-) #also something about noir is not Quite how i wanted #i think its the nose #whatever im so funny

[xveenusx]

Wanted

Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader

Summary: in a world where someone had everything, she still got treated like she was nothing. all she wanted was to be wanted.

Authors note: I wanted this piece piece to be as real as possible. It's not simple, its messy. We've all gone back to that one person we know we shouldn't just because being alone seemed worse. Also she gets absolutely railed so that helps. So please be kind to her lmfao.

Rating: smut, 18+, mdni, ANGST

Song rec: making the bed by olivia rodrigo

Part 1: Guilty

Bored. 

I was so incredibly bored. I leaned against the built in bar as I watched Topper and Kelce take body shots off some tourists they invited. The loud bass of the music did little to tune out the annoying voice of Amy Culpo, who stood next to me, and rattled on about my mother’s latest line. 

“I mean, it’s absolutely stunning.” I know it is. I was there when she designed it. “Any chance you have tickets to her next show?”

Ah, there it was. The brutal truth he reminded me of all those months ago. Every interaction was a strategic move to climbing the next prong on the social ladder. Everyone always wanted something. 

I used to fight that notion. I thought I was better than them because I actually cared about other people. My wealth did not define me nor how I treated other people, but despite every effort I made both before and after him, I realized none of it mattered. 

I couldn’t escape my wealth. It was permanently engraved into my body and no matter how hard I tried to scrub, it wouldn’t go away. I’ve now fully embraced that ugly truth and decided that I might as well use it to my advantage. I almost always had something that others wanted and I just had to figure out what they were willing to give. I didn’t need any more money, but there were things that were far more valuable. Favors, tickets to the hottest openings, plane rides. Since everyone already saw me as a spoiled little rich girl, I might as well play the part. 

‘Depends. Are those last season MIU MIU?” I asked, tossing a look at the shoes on her feet. 

“There from the season before-“ I pulled a face at her words. Before last season? I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything last season let alone the season before. 

“Oh honey, if those are two seasons old, then I highly doubt you have anything I want.” The shocked look on her face dulled the aching pain that seemed to permanently reside in my chest. 

“I can charter a plane-“

I raised my hand to silence her. “You don’t have your own?” 

What was she even doing here? 

This was a new little project of mine. I tossed away all those societal niceties that did little for me in the end. I still couldn’t get anyone to stay. This was much more fun. You’d be surprised by how much stuff you could get away with if you cut out all the bullshit.

Amy’s cheeks flushed red and maybe once I’d have felt bad or be disgusted by how I was treating her but I was numb. I realized nothing really mattered. Whether I was nice or rude, people all wanted the same things from me. At least this way, I could armor myself. 

“There’s my pretty girl.” Warm hands curled around my waist, tugging me against a hard body. 

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't his anything, Rafe knew that but he’s always had a flare for the dramatics. Tom Ford’s Noir de Noir filled my nose as I swatted at his hands, hands that I’ve grown quite familiar with. 

“You left me.” I shot him a bratty look, one he met head on with a smile. Amy still stood there awkwardly, clearing her throat in an obvious attempt to gain my attention. 

I turned around in Rafe’s arms, debating my next move. Almost immediately his chin came to rest on the top of my head while his arms curled around my front.

My eyes shot one last distasteful look at her outfit, before tossing out my arm in the opposite direction. “Shoo.”

She huffed before stomping away but not before shooting me one final glare. A look that would have made me cry before, but now it simply dinged off the impenetrable armor I’ve suited myself with. 

“I was hoping it’d build character, but clearly that didn’t work.” I could hear the smile in his words as he pressed a kiss on the top of my head. 

“The entire conversation was dull. She didn’t even have a jet, plus her shoes were two seasons ago.” I shuddered in disgust. Could never be me.

Rafe clutched his chest in mock disgust,”Not two seasons.” 

I let out a huff, my chest going warm at the teasing glint in his eye.

There was no spark. There were no butterflies. Just familiarity and warmth. It was safe. We both knew what this was and expected nothing more. For now, we were just having fun. Despite the fact that I spent most nights at his place and rarely found myself without him.

I’ve found somewhat of a friend in Rafe. Someone to share the burden of being from a family like ours. He understood me. He enjoyed shiny things just as I did. 

We spent a lot of our time going to the mainland because the idea of running into him still sent me to my knees. This was a small island. One that he was spending all his time running around with her instead of me. Rafe never said a word about it, never mentioned his sister or her pogue friends. And for that, maybe I do love him a little.

“You make fun of me now, but you’d still be wearing polo shirts and plaid shorts if it weren’t for me.” My hands smooth down the front of his linen light blue shirt, the first several buttons open paired with some black Gucci slacks and a black belt from Dolce & Gabbana. He no longer looked like a frat douche but a member of upper class society. 

The same can’t be said about his friends.

“C’mon. Top and Kelce want us over there.” Rafe grasped my hand and tugged me in the direction of drunken yells. I pursed my lips but trudged behind him. The idea of being thrown up on was less than appealing, but being by myself was even less appealing.

“Hey guys.” Rafe nodded at them, taking a seat on the adjacent couch, a table with all sorts of drugs littered on it in between them. 

The pair of them were obliterated, both their pupils blown wide and their speech slurred. That didn’t stop them from tossing me a sloppy grin and shouting a greeting. 

The spot next to Rafe was vacant but on the other end was a couple gnawing each other's faces off that had me scrunching my nose up in disgust. He surely didn’t expect me to sit next to that?

He didn’t even bat an eye, instead Rafe patted his lap, tugging at my hand to sit down. “Wanna drink, baby?” 

I nodded, deciding to once again indulge. It was better than feeling that stabbing pain that burned in my chest. It was a horrible solution but one that Rafe always supported, in fact he often took part in self-destructing with me. We were done with trying to be perfect for parents who couldn’t give less of a fuck. 

A red solo cup with a familiar yellow concoction was waved in front of me. The pungent scent of tequila burned my nose and I shot him a secret smile. Rafe’s blue eyes narrowed in on me, glued on my smile before he shook his head in amusement. 

“That’s the kinda night we’re going for?” He asked, his hand slowly gripping my thigh. 

“Unless you don’t want to?” I sighed dramatically, pushing his dark blonde strands back from his face, something I knew he loved. 

“If I ever say no to that question, feel free to shoot me.” 

A giggle escaped my lips as I tapped my cup against his before bringing it to my lips, tilting my head back and zeroing it out. 

The tequila left a burning trail down my stomach that I welcomed. It meant I was one step closer to not feeling anything at all. 

“Another?” Rafe’s eyes pointed at my now empty cup and I nodded. 

Being responsible was so overrated. 

Lifting his hand up, almost immediately two younger boys, about 16, appear. Rafe pointed at me, muttering something before the pair nodded and took off.

I raised my eyebrow at him, confused. 

He just shrugged, leaning forward to touch the golden pendant that hung from my neck. “I promised them tickets to the Charleston basketball game if they did whatever I said.”

“Why?” 

“I was bored,” He hummed in response,”This is new, it’s pretty..” 

I smiled back at him, the very picture of nonchalance, before replying,”Thank you. You bought it for me.” 

His ocean eyes rested on me, the infatuation clear as day that had my stomach clenching. “Course I did. I have great taste.” 

Rafe gave me his card about two months ago, not that I needed it, but he enjoyed taking care of me and I didnt mind. Plus, whenever he made me mad, I made sure to run the bill up, hoping for some type of reaction but it only left him amused. 

Nerves gnawed at my stomach at the intense eye contact. Maybe the lines have blurred slightly. Clearing my throat to try and break the tension, I tossed my hair over my shoulder. “Want to see what else you bought me?”

“Enlighten me.” 

I flashed him my freshly manicured nails, “What do you think?” 

Rafe caught my hand, a half smile painted on his face, and kissed it. “Is that passion pink?” 

“It’s actually bubblegum blush.” 

“Beautiful, baby. I love it.” His words burned into my chest. 

It was hard to describe. His approval had butterflies thrumming in my stomach. Maybe it was because we were stuck in similar situations, but his approval suddenly meant something to me. Being with him meant I wasn’t alone. 

“You know we’re right here, right?” Topper's voice cut through the tension and I let out a laugh, relieved to look away. 

“Fuck off.” Rafe laughed, regaining his composure as well. 

Topper leaned forward holding out a black AMEX for me to take. My eyes paused on the card before shooting him a flat look. 

“Are you kidding?” 

Topper gave me a blank look, not a thought behind those eyes. 

I rolled my eyes and stuck my nose up in mock outrage. “Rafe does it for me.” 

The annoyed look on Topper’s face sent a thrill through my body. He was the easiest to rile up and Rafe knew it as he hid his chuckle with a quick cough. 

The hand on my bare thigh slowly drew circles, the action almost unconscious, which had my brain blanking. It was a relief to not think. To not remember. To not feel. 

“Are your hands broken?” 

“No. I’m too pretty.” I shrugged, batting my lashes at him.

Topper openly scowled at me, his eyes dropping to where Rafe’s hands held me tightly. “What happened to the nice little girl who cried about everything?”

“Lay off.” Rafe snipped, leaning forward and snatching the AMEX out of his hand. His movements were quick and precise, with ease that only came with experience. 

He separated the coke into three lines, one for me and two for him, just like always. 

Bending over, I snorted the line quickly. Turning to hand Rafe the hundred dollar bill, his fingers dust off any remaining powder off my nose, before he bent over and did the same.

I leaned back into Rafe, the mixture of the tequila and the sting of the coke had me feeling sublime. It was a perfect balance. The alcohol got me warm and buzzed while the coke kept me awake and alert, an upper and a downer, a perfect description for every emotion in my body. 

“I grew up.” 

Topper hummed. “You certainly did.”

For the next hour, my mind never drifted to him. I enjoyed having thoughts that were my own, that didn’t revolve around him. Instead, my thoughts focused on the man below me. Rafe was always touching me. Even more so than usual, his hand never left my body once. If I let go of his hand to reach for my drink, he’s just moved it to my thigh. It was almost possessive which was odd, we didn’t do possessive. 

Every couple moments, he’d pause in the middle of a conversation to press small kisses anywhere his lips could reach. It seemed performative, but I just couldn’t prove it.

“You’re thinking too hard.” His hot breath hot against the shell of my ear. 

I said nothing for a moment before licking my lips and muttering,”Are you okay? You seem more clingy than usual?” 

He just nodded, pulling me to his hard chest, his eyes darting to the side. “I just like having you with me.”

The sentiment was sweet and my heart tugged at his words. But, I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I was missing something. “I like having you with me too.” I allowed myself to give him a sliver of vulnerability, something I’ve avoided like plague, because it was true. He made living just a bit easier.

My head began to spin as I felt the lines of our odd friendship begin to blur. I knew neither of us would admit the sudden shift but it was there. I could tell with each lingering gaze and those secret touches. Maybe there was something here. I just had to give in.

“I’m glad you came to your senses,” He responded, but once again his eyes are not on mine but darting around me. 

“What does that have to do with anything?” My voice comes out hushed, hoping it would get him to lower his voice. 

My smile from his previous confession dimmed. Nerves slowly began to surface as I tried to read between the lines.

“You do belong with me, at least that's what you scream every night, isn’t that right baby?” He was boasting, loud enough to have his boys give him lame-ass high fives. 

The small burst of happiness curdled like old milk in my stomach. I wasn’t a prude, not by a long shot, but I was a private person. Rafe knew this and he was still flaunting our private moments in a way that made me feel dirty. 

“Stop talking about me like that.” I said, “What’s gotten into you?” 

I felt Rafe go rigid under me. Frowning, I tilted my head back to make sure he was alright but his eyes were glued ahead. 

“Rafe, I’m here for my stuff. Where did you say you put it again?” 

My head turned and my stomach did a backflip. Sarah stood at the entrance of the room, looking immensely uncomfortable. 

John B stood behind her, his big brown puppy-like eyes widened at the sight of me on Rafe’s lap. Or maybe it was because of  the coke laid out in front of me? 

But wherever he was, JJ wasn’t far behind. John B whispered something in Sarah’s ear, her eyes jumped to me for a split second before returning to his. She nodded and John B made a beeline for the other room. 

I let out a choked laugh. I’m sure he was going to report back to his little lap dog. What were they even doing here in the first place? It’s not like Rafe knew-

My brain clicked into place. The constant need to touch me and the over the top PDA was because he was here. Rafe knew he was here and wanted to rub it in his face. 

Rafe’s words were never for me. They were for him.

None of this was real. Not the endearing names, not the proclamations of affection. An ice bucket of realization poured over me and I felt like a fool. A fool for thinking that somebody else could want me, could maybe even love me.

Fuck this. Fuck both of them. 

“You knew.” I accused, shoving his hands off of my body. 

Rafe said nothing, but the flicker in his eyes gave him away. I wasn’t safe with him either. Embarrassment oozed into me, the feeling painstakingly familiar. We agreed to never make each other feel this way since our parents did it enough, but he did it to me. 

Don’t think. Don’t feel. 

Snatching the cup out of his hand, I forced it down, gulp by gulp, wincing at the burn. Straight tequila. “Babe-“

“Shut up.” I hissed, moving off his lap and shoving Topper to move over. Everyone always wanted something from me. 

They never just wanted me.

Maybe I was defective. I had to be. 

JJ didn’t love me when I was me. When I cared about other people and sacrificed pieces of my happiness for them.

Rafe didn’t love me now. When I was a spoiled brat who treated everyone like a transaction. 

It didn’t matter if I was nice or a total raging bitch. Either way, I couldn't get anyone to love me.

I was just the stepping stone they used before they found the person they really wanted to be with. I was just there to make them feel good about themselves. For them to take and take just to toss me aside when they were done. Leaving me a shell of a person with no one, not even myself.

I guess, I was impossible to love.

“Line it up, Topper.”

“Can I at least get a please?”

“Be lucky that I’m even talking to you.”

Topper scoffed but did what I asked, lining up two lines of chalky white powder. “There you go, princess:” 

A rolled hundred dollar bill was held out in front of me. Plucking it out of his fingers. I bent over the table. Don’t think. Don’t feel. 

Dragging the cylinder bill down the crystal snow powder I’ve grown to love, I inhaled deeply. The chemicals flowing through the nose. I could practically feel the coke dissolving into my bloodstream, my body vibrating in response. 

Dropping the bill on the table, I tilt my head back, begging my brain to shut off. I closed my eyes and chose to focus on the beat of the music that had my heart thrumming in my chest.

Then it happened.

All the air in the room was sucked up. The hair behind my neck stood up and my body suddenly awakened in a way it hadn’t in months. 

My body recognized him before my brain did. The moment I opened my eyes, his eyes clashed with mine.

JJ.

It was like seeing him for the first time, a memory I thought I would never get the chance to feel again. 

Heavy set blonde brows framed his bright blue eyes beautifully, the strong cut jaw that was currently clenched, and his lips soft and pouty, tightly pressed in a flat line. This face, his beautiful face, wouldn’t be complete without some mark. A bruise, a soft purple and yellow hue, decorated his cheek bone. His bottom lip busted. 

He was so beautiful. 

My body reacted before my brain could follow. I stood up quickly, too quickly that the blood rushed to my head and the room seemed to spin. 

God, he was beautiful. And I fucking hated him for it. He was supposed to be like me, a complete and total mess, but instead, he looked the same, even better actually. 

That thought alone had me ready to jump off the balcony.

My movements were clumsy and I drunkenly stumbled while standing still, his eyes clocking that in seconds. 

Despite the loud music, I noticed the silence coming from the couch. 

My eyes jumped to Rafe. All the laughter around us died off and everyone was exchanging nervous looks. It didn’t take a genius to read the room and the situation I’ve somehow managed to put myself in. 

Blue eyes flickered between the two of us. It cracked my chest open wide and opened the floodgates I’ve been trying so hard to keep closed. 

The crushing inescapable weight of shame hit me first. I was plastered, obviously so, and high as a kite. The evidence of what I’d been doing displayed out in front of me like a flashing sign. And I was fucking the one guy he hated. 

It was unreasonable, I know. He left me and even pushed me in the direction of the one guy he hated and yet, I was the one feeling bad. He hasn’t even opened his mouth yet and it’s been turned onto me. But love never makes sense. It made the most sane people lose every coherent thought, I was the prime example.

“You should probably go, bro.” Rafe said, his tone was anything but. 

He moved from his spot on the couch and stopped beside me. Rafe shoved a hand in one pocket while the other reached for mine, but I folded my arms across my chest. Mostly because I was mad at him, but a part of me didn’t want JJ seeing that. 

JJ didn’t spare him a second glance.

He had on a dark blue short sleeve button down shirt with black cargos and chunky black boots on his feet. A backwards red hat settled nicely on the blonde mass of wavy hair and his shark necklace hanging against the exposed part of his chest. 

It was so JJ. All of it, right down to the colorful bracelets that littered his wrists. 

A hand grasped my chin and tilted up. I held my breath. His fingers slid along my jaw and he rubbed his thumb over the skin. His eyes felt like lasers, honing in on every detail of my face. 

I swallowed audibly. JJ leaned in closer, bringing his height down to mine. His thumb brushed a soft stroke below my nose while his lips brushed against my ear. 

“You had a little something on your nose.” 

JJ let go of my face, his expression hard. Then he brushed past me, leaving a gaping wound in his wake. 

Tears burned behind my closed eyes. He didn’t need to say it because I already knew what he was thinking. Sure, JJ smoked some weed but he never touched any of the hard stuff, not wanting to pick up the same habits as his dad. Hard drugs were a hard limit for him and he found me snorting several lines of it. 

I went and became the very thing he hated, just like he wanted. It didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would. Instead, I felt like I lost another piece of myself. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said to Rafe, finally gathering the courage to open my eyes. 

He shuffled beside me. “Him being here wasn’t going to change anything.”

We both knew that was a lie.

“It’s him, Rafe. It changes everything for me.” 

Rafe scoffed and shook his head. “You’re really going to try and go back to that?”

“I’m not saying that-” I spluttered out, outraged as his voice continued to carry across the room. 

“He didn’t want you.” 

People around us began to whisper, their heads huddled together with their phones out. Wet hot tears threatened to fall as the control I took months to master began to unravel. 

“Yeah, well you don’t either.” 

“What the hell are you talking about? Before he got here, everything was perfect.”

“I’m not stupid. You think I didn’t notice what you were doing? That wasn’t for us, that was for him.”

“I didn't mean for you to think I was using you-“

I gripped his chin, and pulled his face down to my height, my eyes brimming with angry tears. “You don’t use me. I use you.” I shoved his face back, needing to collect my composure. 

Everyone’s eyes were on us and I was desperate to save face. It was the only thing I had left. 

“Get the fucking picture?”

“Crystal clear.” He responded through gritted teeth, his eyes hard. 

“If you want a whore, go buy one.” 

Rafe cleared his throat, his face iced over. “I thought that’s what I was already doing.”

I stood there for a moment, not understanding what I did to deserve to be treated like this by not one man but two. I felt like an idiot. Like the stupidest fucking person on this god forsaken planet. 

Two hours ago, I thought that maybe Rafe had feelings for me and played with the idea of exploring that with him. And now, I was a gold digging whore. 

I felt another piece of my heart break off, mourning the loss of the only friendship I really had.

Pressing my hair down with my hands, I look down to fix my dress, swallowing as I went, hoping to pull myself together and buy some time. 

“I’m glad to hear how little you think of me.” I sent him a sad smile,” I guess I’m keeping up with everyone’s expectations.” 

I stepped around him, heading to the direction of the bar, the adrenaline from all the excitement having effectively killed my buzz. 

Staring at the bottles of liquor on the counter had me frowning, all being some bottom shelf brand I’ve never heard of. I moved around the bar to the cabinets behind it, looking for the good tequila. It was the least Rafe could do seeing as though he just blew up whatever the fuck we were doing. 

Spotting the only tequila I drank, I grabbed the entire handle. Twisting the top off, I tossed it aside carelessly before taking a healthy swig. Then another. And another. 

I stumbled into another room, shoving people out of my way. I ignored the angry shouts because I was way past the point of caring. I just-I just wanted to see him.

As if someone heard my thoughts, I spotted JJ leaning against a wall with a lit joint dangled between his fingers and a beer in the other. 

He had so much charisma, it demanded the attention of the room. People gravitated towards him all the time but he refused to see himself that way. 

Even now, he stood surrounded by several people, including a girl who was too close for my liking, and they were hanging onto every word. All of their bodies angled towards him, nodding along. The people around them curiously moving in to hear more of the story that had so many of them laughing. 

It was almost ironic. It was the point I was trying to prove all those months ago. Kooks vs. Pouges was bullshit. Because, right now JJ is telling a story to a bunch of Kooks who were eating it right up. Neither parties cared about their status, they just wanted to socialize and have fun. 

Why couldn’t he see that? 

The organ in my chest began to flutter, the butterflies erupting in my stomach at his nearness. Panic began to set in. I thought I’d pushed it all down. 

All it took was seeing him. Just once. For the last couple months of progress to be thrown out the window. I made sure to not feel anything anymore, because the alternative destroyed me. And yet, there he stood, looking like every dream I’ve ever had, and completely disarming my very being with one look. 

I never wanted to feel that way again. My heart was open and my soul was bared, but I was naive. I thought love was supposed to be empowering. But really, it was poison. It slowly entered your bloodstream, coating every vein before slowly taking over every organ. It leaked into your brain and made you lose all common sense. The poison tricked you into thinking that certain treatment was okay because at least they were here. At least, they still wanted to be with you because they love you, right? 

But eventually, like all things lacking an antidote, it began to cut off your oxygen. It curled around your lungs and squeezed until you gasped for breath with tears staining your face. It didn’t matter how much you screamed and shouted, nothing came out. The last organ it takes over is your heart. That silly little organ who was so trusting begins to pump faster, desperately trying to get that oxygen to your brain, because maybe then you’ll finally be able to think clearly. But in the end, it slows down. Each pump is slower than the last until finally it comes to a stop. The heart broke. 

It’s the closest thing to dying I’ve ever experienced.

It was like drowning on dry land.

His words did not leave me dented, but destroyed. 

I lost my sense of myself. I lost my identity. I put on a performance every time I left my house, wanting to see just how far I could get away with treating people the same way they treat me. 

At first it didn’t feel good, but now I didn’t feel anything at all. Or so I thought until I saw him again. And I just want to see that he was doing okay and maybe, if I can admit it, to see if he still loved me, however little that may be.

I watched from my spot on the other side of the room as the crowd began to disperse, leaving JJ with some blonde. I vaguely recognized her from a shoot for one of my mom’s brands. I believe her parents worked in the fashion industry as well. Which would have been fine, had she not said something that had him give her one of those rare smiles, the ones he used to give me in private. 

Nausea roiled in my stomach, maybe it was all the tequila or maybe it was seeing him smile at someone else when all I wanted was for him to smile at me. 

She leaned into him, a coy smile played her lips, running her fingers down the shirt I bought him, which basically made it mine. And I hated when people touched my things.

The mix of tequila and coke emboldened me. I found my feet moving in their direction before I could stop myself. 

“I wouldn't waste your time.” I could not get myself to stop talking.

“Why’s that?” The blonde’s eyes narrowed, her cheaply manicured hand resting on JJ’s bicep.

“JJ doesn’t go for kooks or so I’ve been told.” 

“Maybe he just didn’t go for you.” Oh, how cute. 

“Oh honey,” I sighed dramatically and took one step towards her, tilting my head to the side, dragging my eyes up her body, in obvious distaste. “Are you new here?”

“Well, yeah but-“ She tried to explain. 

Clearly, she needed a run through on how the social ladder worked here. I was at the top and everyone else was at the bottom. 

“Your mom works for some brand from Paris right?” I watched as her eyebrows pulled together in confusion. 

“She does. We moved here because she’s doing a collab with-“

“With my mom.” 

“So I suggest you take your hand off of him,” I smiled on cue, my tone dipped in sugar before batting my eyelashes at her innocently,” Unless you want her blacklisted?” 

I could see her debating what to do. She didn’t know if I was bluffing but she'd learn rather quickly just how far I was willing to go. 

“Hmm, cute shoes.” I hummed, “Chanel?” 

She nodded, apprehension on her face. 

“Won’t be able to buy those anymore if your mom doesn’t have a job.” 

Her hand fell and satisfaction settled into my like molten lava. “You can go now.” 

The blonde pursed her lips and stalked off, leaving me alone with JJ. “Trying a new type”

“And what type would that be?”

“Desperate.”

JJ tipped his mouth, saluting me before taking a sip of his drink. His eyes already glazed over from the joint in his hand. 

“A thank you would be nice?” I muttered, taking another pull from my tequila. I couldn’t talk to him sober or I’d lose my nerve.

“A thank you?” He appeared almost amused, adjusting his red hat. 

“Yeah, I just saved you.”

“I didn't realize I needed saving.” 

“Self-preservation was never really your strong suit was it?” 

JJ laughed, his eyes straying to the bottle cradled in my arms. “I could say the same thing, Princess.” 

Fuck him for calling me that. So what, I’ve learned to indulge just a little. It made everything in my life a little more manageable. 

“It’s called having fun, JJ.” Pouting as he snatched the bottle from arms just as I went to take another shot. “Since when did you become the responsible one?”

JJ leveled me with an unamused stare. 

I huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair out of my face. “Tough crowd.”

JJ snorted, pushing the leaves of a nearby plant back before dumping the remaining tequila. My mouth dropped open as he wasted every last drop of my liquid courage. 

How the hell was I going to talk to him now? 

I pursed my lips, “That was mean.”

“I’m doing what your boyfriend should have done an hour ago.” His gaze fixed on my face, the intense stare causing my cheeks to turn red. God, would he stop staring at me?

“He doesn’t tell me what to do.”

“Then he shouldn’t have left you alone.” His tone laced with annoyance, “You have all these fuckers staring at you and you’re wasted.”

I tilted my head back to stare up at him, the annoyance I knew came from a place of panic. That was just how JJ was wired. 

“So you’re in love with me?” Someone come arrest me, because I cannot keep my mouth closed.

JJ shook his head clearly fighting back a smile. “You’re so crazy.” 

“What else could that mean?” I asked truthfully and I knew I had a love struck smile on my face. One that I’ve only given to one man in my life and he stood in front of me.

I just wanted to be near him. I wanted to hear his laugh and see him smile.

His face softened at my words. “Are you okay? Does he take care of you?”

“Of course, I’m okay. Why do you ask?”

“Only one of us is fucking loaded.” 

I rolled my eyes and plucked the joint from his fingers. “Correct me if I’m wrong, and we both know I rarely am, are you not high too?” 

“Not from cocaine.”

“Already back to judging so soon?” I mused, taking a hit off the joint, the familiar stinging sensation wrapped around my lungs and squeezed. “Careful, I might think you care.”

Kill me now. Thank god, he took away the tequila.

“Who said I ever stopped?” My heart lurched in my throat.

I blew the smoke out slowly, my fogged up brain rushing to keep up with his words. 

Someone stumbled in front of me, slamming into my shoulder sending me flying forward into JJ’s arms. Something cold and wet splattered onto me, the bitter liquid dripping down my legs.

“Are you blind?” I shouted, shoving another drunk party goer off me. Looked like a tourist. 

She held her hands up in apology.

“I’m so sorry. Here, let me help.” To my absolute horror, this fucking tourist used a napkin and went to scrub the stain. Are these people animals? This was custom versace.

“Stop!” My cheeks flushed, from the weed or from my constant streak of bad luck. “Clearly, you’ve never owned anything worth keeping but this is Versace, you dick.”

I needed to go home before I burned this entire house down. 

“Is that how you talk to people now?”

I let out a loud groan. “Oh fuck off, JJ.”

I shoved him away from me, before grabbing the skirt of my dress and heading into the nearest bathroom, which just so happened to be Rafe’s. 

In reality, I just needed to get away from him. I needed my hands to be busy so that I couldn't grab his face and kiss him. Because I really wanted to do that. 

The sound of footsteps have my eyes widening in panic as I take in my ruined dress. All because of that blonde asshole next to me, if he hadn’t showed up, I’d still have my tequila and my sanity.

“I wanted to talk.”

I made a noise at the back of my throat. That didn’t sound like JJ at all.

“Fine, whatever. Close the door.” I didn’t need a million other people to see me lose my shit. I was already at my quota for the day. 

Jj stared at me with a confused look. “Close the door.” I nearly shout as the footsteps get closer but he moves just as quickly and slammed it shut, putting the lock in place.

“I just got this piece too.” I grumbled, huffing at the stained skirt. It was the Medusa 95’ Cut Out Mini dress in a stunning pastel pink. And now ruined with a beer stain from that horrible girl outside. 

“I remember this one.” JJ spoke from behind me. Of course he did. He remembered everything I bought. 

He always demanded fashion shows after all my shopping trips. He knew nothing about clothes but he always paid attention to me. He used to sit for hours while I prattled on and on about clothes.

“Unzip me?” 

“I’m sorry?” He choked out, setting his beer down.

“I need to clean it before it stains. Unzip me.” 

In hindsight, I was goading him. I wanted to see what he would do. I could tell he was already on edge since seeing me with Rafe. I wondered what a little push would do.

Neither of us moved for a beat. JJ puffed out a breath from his cheeks before he walked toward me slowly. I remained stock still, watching his every move in the mirror.  “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.” 

My heart fluttered at his nearness. Something I wanted since the minute he turned around and left. Home, I wanted my home back.

I jumped up at the feel of his warm breath against the back of my neck, goosebumps rising instantly. The tug of the zipper had me swallowing the lump in my throat. His other finger caressing every inch of skin, the zipper surrendered. 

The sound of the zipper stopped but he never dropped his hand. Instead, I watched as JJ swallowed before lifting his head, those storming blue eyes connecting with mine in the mirror. 

I stood on my Magda Butrym Appliquéd satin sandals and a flimsy pair of tiny panties. 

“I feel like this is a test.” I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

“Is it?” I mused, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. 

“Yeah and I’m failing.” 

The pads of his thumb brushed along my bottom lip, dragging it down slowly. My lips parted as a soft whimper escaped. 

“You’re still so beautiful, it hurts.” He murmured, almost angry with the revelation. 

Blistering hot satisfaction dripped over me. 

JJ’s other hand grazed my bare back, the contact immediately chasing my back to arch. Sparks of sensitivity erupted from my skin as my body trembled with hot desire. 

His hand moved higher, gripping onto my hair before wrapping the long strands around his hand, tugging my head back, demanding my attention. 

He stared at me with heavy lids, eyes like ocean blue blades. My body began to heat up. 

JJ’s eyes dropped back to my lips causing me to the lick them quickly. He backed me up against the Jack and Jill sink, my back resting against the cool granite counter. 

I blinked slowly, making the decision for him, angling my head up and smashing my lips to his. 

A groan ripped from his chest as he met my kiss with the same crippling desperation. His rough hands dropped from my face to my hips, his nails digging crescent shaped marks in the skin. 

My legs began to slightly shake as his tongue finally brushed against mine. Oxygen was something neither of us needed as we fed off each other's energy. 

His tongue licked and twirled around my own, another moan vibrating between us. JJ’s large hand trailed up skin, goosebumps appearing in its wake, before locking around my throat. 

His grip was strong, not enough to cut off my oxygen but enough to garner my attention. He pulled me up to my tippy toes by my neck, my nipples brushing against the rough fabric of his shirt making me gasp at the contact. His mouth clashed with mine once more, his lips wrapped around my tongue, sucking gently before pulling back and biting out a curse. 

My hands were desperate as they began to unbutton his shirt quickly, pushing the fabric off his shoulders. JJ whipped off the shirt just as my hands began reaching for his shorts, my fingers fumbling with the button. 

The laugh he let out was devastating. His smile was purely lethal for my heart. “We got all the time in the world, princess.” 

My stomach clenched at the nickname he gave me all those years ago. But, we didn’t. We both knew this moment would end the minute we came to our senses. 

JJ unbuttoned his pants and dropped them in one smooth movement before pressing his warm body against mine once more.

“Up, baby.” My arms wrapped around his neck immediately, my nose grazing his. JJ gripped my thighs tight as he placed me on top of the counter. 

He rested the palm of his hands on either side of me, enclosing my frame, daring me to move. JJ leaned down, his lips leaving phantom kisses along my collarbone, nipping as he went along. He stopped at the swell of my breasts, both hands encasing my heavy aching breasts before pressing them together. 

He pressed scorching hot, open-mouthed kisses on every inch of exposed skin. His tongue pressing against my swollen nipples before closing around one and giving a strong suck. I was a mess beneath him, my chest heaving with heavy pants. 

He nipped and tugged at the soft flesh of my breasts, leaving small purple love bites scattered on my chest. He pressed a kiss on each one, a pleased hum echoing within the bathroom. 

JJ dropped to his knees slowly, each hand running down my bare legs. I wanted to see him. 

I leaned back on the palm of my hands and arched my back in a teasing invitation. Pulling my legs from his grasp, I propped my feet up on the counter, but kept my knees bent, the tops touching.

The utter obsession that painted his face had me biting down on my lip hard enough to draw blood. “Please, Jayj.”

He stood stock still, similar to a statue. It looked like he almost stopped breathing as I slowly pushed my knees apart. I was drenched, I could feel myself soaking the skimpy fabric of my thong, my thighs glistening with the evidence of my arousal. 

JJ’s eyes went black, locking in on my wet pussy before jumping back up to me. His hands found my thighs and roughly dug into the skin to keep my legs from closing. 

He leaned forward, his index finger hooking the front of my thong before curling the fabric and tugging it up roughly between my lips. “Fuck.” I mewled, watching as he pressed his face between my legs and inhaled deeply. 

I could feel my clit throbbing, needing to be touched. With one more tug, JJ slaps the side of my thigh, having me lift my hips up to take the last piece of fabric off my body. An insatiable grin formed on his face that went straight to my clit.

The first touch onto my lips had my hips shooting off the counter, his touch like electricity. He blew a breath against the aching skin, his hot mouth watering at the sight of me. Two fingers pushed apart my drenched folds, rubbing against the sensitive skin again and again, turning me into a mindless puddle. 

He smirked at my trembling legs. “You okay, baby?”

“Fuck off.” I responded through gritted teeth, trying to gather myself. 

He dipped forward, gathering saliva before slowly spitting it out, the stream of spit pattering against my spread lips. The sound was obscene. 

“That’s not very nice.” 

Tears of frustration began to build up as I discarded my hands into those loose blonde strands, knocking his hat off. “You love it.”

The grin he sent me was feral and I knew this was exactly what I needed. “I sure do, princess.”

He enclosed his mouth against my swollen clit and sucked roughly, a loud shout erupting from the depths of my chest. JJ parted my lips again, forcing his tongue inside and out, again and again, devouring every inch of my pussy. 

My cunt clenched against his tongue making him moan loudly. My body was burning as he swirled his tongue along the bundle of nerves once more. Another cry left me as I tried to find something to grab onto. His tongue lapped up all the fluids that continued to come out and I found myself forgetting how to breathe. 

I pushed his face deeper, grinding against his nose that continuously rubbed against my clit, my fingers tugging at his hair, needing a release. The knot in my lower stomach began to tighten as I whispered his name again and again like a prayer. The sound of my breathy pleas spur him on as he slipped two fingers in my pussy, meeting no resistance. 

The squelching noises had me throwing my head back against the mirror which had begun to fog up. I clenched around his large fingers that rubbed against my sensitive walls wanting him to lose control. 

JJ curled his fingers upward causing my knees to buckle and my mind go blank. I was close and he knew based on the tremors the shook my legs. I could barely hold myself up as everything went fuzzy. 

A choked moan escaped my lips that curled into a ‘o’ as his mouth sucked that rigid spot of flesh while his fingers continued to hammer into me. The invisible band snapped and as a wave of pleasure washed over me. My body finally began to relax as I tried to catch my breath, my chest rising and falling dramatically. 

I spared a glance at him. JJ’s eyes were low, eyes pitch black and glued to my face, and his cheeks flushed red. He looked pussy drunk. 

“Looks like I have to clean you up.” He mumbled against the flesh of my thighs. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as his hot tongue began to catch all the arousal that dripped down my thighs. I was sensitive and tried to move back, but his hands locked around my thighs to keep them open. Shives forced their way up my spine as he lapped all my fluids up, humming as he went along, not leaving one bit of skin untouched. JJ pressed one last kiss before pulling back and licking his lips.

My heart hammered through my chest and vaguely though my haze of pleasure did I hear a murmur.

“Huh?” I felt him smile against my thigh, clearly finding my delirious state funny.

“Barry, man, have you seen her?” Rafe’s voice drifted under the door. 

I froze at the sound of his voice, my eyes darting to JJ who just smirked from his spot between my legs. 

“She’s right here, man.” JJ whispered, straightening up to press a kiss on the crown of my head. I shook my head at him, my eyes wide with a silent plea, but JJ disregarded it. 

 “She’s a little busy at the moment.” 

I shook my head, pressing my palm against his mouth, his next words coming out muffled. He never knew when to shut up. The last thing I needed was Rafe finding us in his bathroom.

I kept my hand on JJ’s mouth until footsteps faded and we were alone once again. 

JJ nipped at the palm of my hands, his tongue slipping out. My face screwed up as I let out a squeal, “Ew, Jayj.” 

“Shouldn’t have tried to shut me up to protect your boyfriend’s feelings.” He said the words lightly, but I could hear the slight edge in his tone. 

Pushing him off my softly, I hopped off the counter with shaky legs. “Since when do you care about Rafe’s feelings?”

I winced as I tried to take a step, my knees nearly knocking together from the aftershock. JJ always left me a shaking disheveled mess afterwards, but I felt lighter, because he was looking at me the way he used to. 

And, I wanted that to last just a bit longer. 

“I don’t care about his feelings-“ He scoffed, before pausing at the teasing smile on my lips. “You’re fucking with me.”

“Too easy.” I let out a shriek of laughter as JJ's arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me up in the air.

That was how I found myself sweaty, pressed against Rafe’s sheets, struggling to breathe. The violent sound of skin slapping echoing in the room, my raspy moans intertwining with his hot pants. 

One of JJ’s hands gripped the back of my head, pinning me to the mattress, the other pushing down on my back, forming a deep arch, to pull his cock in deeper. 

I couldn’t register anything he was muttering as he bottomed out since of me, my mind go blank. My walls spasmed against him with each rut of his hip, sucking him back in every time he pulled back. 

I was soaked, my pussy dripping around him. The sopping wet noises spurring him on, his pace quickening with those deep purposeful strokes. 

I couldn’t focus on anything but him. The smell; the feel of him. The way his cock continued to brush against my cervix made me borderline delicious. 

“Fuck,” JJ shuddered, rolling his hips in and out of my pussy had me clamping around him once more, a tidal wave beginning to build up inside me. 

 I whimper left me, the coil in my stomach pulling tight as I searched for a release. The tip of his cock pressed into me repeatedly, forcing my legs to shake once more. 

My hands searched for something to hold onto as I tried to anchor myself from being drowned in pleasure. “J. J, I-I cant-I’m gonna-“

I felt his pace begin to pick him, his cock twitching inside me as he continued his movements, grinding his hips against the globes of my ass, until there was no space between us. 

It was like he was imprinting himself into my skin. Like he didn’t want me to forget him. 

As if I could ever forget JJ Maybank. 

My whines got louder, his words becoming more and more depraved. His large calloused hands ran all over my body like he was etching it to memory. 

Quick and quiet gasps bled from my parted lips, as he hammered into me from behind, his hands lacing with mine against the sheets. 

The coil in my stomach snapped, white flash blinding my vision, this orgasim more intense than the first. I could feel myself coating his hips and upper thighs, fluids dripping on the sheets. 

I could hear JJ’s voice whine, he began to babble nonsense under his breath, with each languid thrust. 

My heartbeat was in my ears as I pushed my hips back to match his thrusts, wanting him to finish despite all my sensitivity coming to head. His nails dug my hips, my cunt suffocating as he continued to grunt his cock into me. 

“Fuck, Kiara.” His grunt echoed in the room.

Kiara? 

I went numb. I couldn’t breathe-I couldn’t, I needed-

Bile coated my throat as whatever childish hope I had shriveled up in my chest. So I laid there, not knowing what to do, as JJ continued to pump in and out of me, but the soft intimacy we shared before dissipated. 

Why did no one ever pick me? Why didn’t anyone want me? 

I let my body go limp even though everything in me wanted to shove him off, but I just couldn’t get myself to move.

That was all it took for JJ to realize the slip of his tongue. JJ froze behind me as I shoved my face into my arms and choked on a gut wrenching sob. 

“Fuck, I-hold on,” JJ’s panick was audible as he slowly pulled out of me. I cupped my mouth to try and muffle the scream I wanted to let out. 

His blue eyes widened in horror at his mistake but it was too late. The words were already burned into my mind, replaying on a torturous loop.

JJ’s hand reached out for me, but I shrank back, scrambling to the headboard, desperate to put distance between us. 

I curled into myself, pressing my back hard against the headboard, willing for myself to disappear. 

“What did you just call me?” My chin wobbled. I tried to remind myself to breathe but with each inhale, my lungs were saturated with pain. 

“I-That was an accident.” He stuttered, raking his hands through his hair roughly.

“Get out.” 

“It just slipped out, I didn’t mean it.” 

“Get the hell out, JJ.” I yelled, and pointed at the door with a shaky finger. 

Like I said, his words never dented me, no they completely destroyed me. They cut me like a freshly honed razor blade.

And I was going to die of blood loss if I didn’t get him to leave this room. He had no problem leaving me then, why was he fighting it now?

Was he thinking about her the whole time he was inside me? 

Thought after thought haunted me. Was he comparing our bodies? Was he comparing the sex? 

Mortification had my stomach churning as I debated what to do next. My body was wound tight, on the verge of hyperventilating. 

Did he love her? Did he love her like he used to love me? Did he fuck her the way he fucked me?

I hated him. Before him, none of these thoughts would have crossed my mind. I may have been alone but at least I liked who I was. I never would have questioned myself the way I am now. But after him, the only thing I hated more than him was myself.

“Was Kiara not available,” I murmured, “so you came to the one person you knew would say yes?”

JJ didn’t find my joke funny. The air was tense, as if we were trapped in a steamed up bathroom, making each breath harder than the last.

“Kie and I aren’t together.”

“JJ, you know where the door is. Use it.” 

“I don’t want to leave.” He shook his head, his eyes flickering with something heavy. 

“You had no problem doing it before.”

“That was-“ JJ squeezed his eyes shut, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

He shuffled closer to my body, but still wasn't touching me. I nibbled on my bottom lip and wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks hastily. 

“I’m sorry.” He said, clearing his throat. “I am so so sorry.”

I lost my grip completely as those eyes perverted mine. His eyes were so blue, it was easy to get lost in them. 

Words couldn’t find their way out of my mouth. With wary eyes, I watched as he stood up and disappeared in the bathroom before appearing again with his shirt. 

JJ reached for me before pausing, his eyes asking a silent question. I nodded, forcing myself to loosen the grip I had on the sheets. 

I let him put the shirt on me, its protection better than the flimsy sheet. JJ dropped his head on my chest, his tan arms wrapped around my waist, curling himself into me. 

“I’m sorry.” 

I was sorry too. I waited for months for him to be back in my arms, but he ruined every independent thought I had. I couldn’t stop the overthinking. I couldn’t stop the pain.

I was hurting too, but I was the one comforting him. I was always the one comforting him. What about me?

I laid on the soft sheets and stared up at the ceiling. Our heavy breathing echoing in an otherwise silent room. His heavy arm tossed over naked torso, his fingers softly tracing the curve. The whisper of his breath caressing the nape of my neck where his face was buried. The familiar tickle of his golden strands brushing against my nose, his coconut shampoo wafting my senses.

The JJ induced haze began to clear up and the ugliness began to set in. 

A single tear escaped my eye, its trailing burning it’s way down the side of my face. I loved him. Even after he willingly abandoned me. After he humiliated me in front of everyone. After he called me her name.

I couldn’t cut him out. It didn’t matter what he did to me, the minute we’re within the same vicinity, my self preservation disappeared. Then I was left, treading water in the middle of a storm, with nothing but a life jacket. 

I had no one to blame but myself in this situation. I knew how he spoke to me, how easily he left me, how embarrassed he was of me. But he just smiled and it was like everything melted away. 

I so badly wanted to feel again, but not like this.

So all I can do is lay here. In this bed. With a boy who made me hate the kind person that I was. 

I made my bed. I didn’t realize this was how I’d feel when I lied in it. I turned into someone I hated. And suddenly I was bone-tired, exhaustion suffocating my lungs. I had no idea who I was and I was tired of being someone I wasn’t. 

“Where are my clothes?” I said. God, I needed to leave this room before Rafe found me. 

“I wasn’t really focused on that part, babe.” JJ mumbled, burrowing himself deeper into my side. 

My stomach lurched. I thought I’d feel different. I thought that maybe this would fix everything. That in some deluded way, we would get back together and everything else didn’t matter. Like he didn’t leave me standing at the party after stomping on my chest.

“I need them.” I mumbled. I choked down the need to throw up. The feel of our sweat coating my body and his soft breaths against my skin had me almost hyperventilating. 

Home, he used to be home. But, I’ve never felt like more of a stranger than in his arms right now. This was no longer my home. 

Kook pussy. Daddy issues.

I fucked up. Fuck, I fucked up. 

This only made me feel worse. I was good enough to fuck, but not enough to stay. 

“What are you in such a hurry for?” His fingers paused their persistent movement. 

“I have to get back-“

“To who?” JJ snapped. 

I moved to sit up, dragging the sheet with me as I avoided his gaze. “You know who.”

He didn’t need to know that Rafe and I basically ended. I just wanted him to hurt in the same way I did.

He let out a scoff. “You can’t be serious?” 

“Dead serious.” 

“This isn’t like you-“

“You left. You don’t know who I am anymore.” 

“Clearly,” he chuckled under his breath, “But suddenly Rafe does?”

I shrugged. “He’s my friend.”

“I don’t give a fuck who he is-“

I tuned him out. I was too busy trying to get his actual voice out of my head. 

Kiara. Not me. Kiara. Not me. 

It had taken every bit of strength to not chase after him that day. To not call and text, begging for him to give me the time of day. And I know, I know I should be stronger. I know I should have said good riddance and moved on, but love was never simple. 

When I saw him tonight, I thought that maybe it was fate. So all the waiting, all the practice of self control paid off because he came back. But, was this what was waiting for me?

“You slept with me,” I said, “ but you’re thinking about her?”

I didn’t want to know the answer, but I had to ask it. It was just one of a million questions I had since the day he walked away. Was there something I could have done differently?

I was wracking my brain to see where I had gone wrong, but maybe I just fell in love with the wrong person.

“From what I hear, you don’t care about anything these days. Why would you care about this?” I couldn’t detect any emotion in his words, just cold hard facts. 

I really was out here exceeding everyone’s expectations of me. 

But, he had to know that when it came to him, I always cared too much. That’s why his words caused another jagged piece of my heart to puncture my chest.

“Why would I care?” I whispered, shaking my head at him. “Are you listening to yourself?” 

Had I deluded myself so much into thinking we experienced the same love in our relationship? How could he even question that. Everything I did was always for him.

“I care about you, that never changed.”

Something pained flickered through his gaze. “Care about me? Yet your fucking Rafe Cameron.” 

“You’re mad about that?” I choked on a humorless laugh,”Let me jog your memory real quick since apparently you’ve got amnesia, you were the one that told me to be with him.” 

“Well, I didn’t think you’d actually do that to me.”

I threw my arms up in the air, exasperated,”Then why say it at all? Wait, I forgot who I’m talking to. You’re the king of saying shit you don’t mean.” 

“Saying shit and actually doing it are two different things.”

“Well, you did do it Jayj.” My lungs hitched. 

His jaw tightened, tension seeping out of him in waves. 

“You left. You did the one thing you promised you’d never do. You didn’t even look back as you did it.” I shouted, tears blurring my vision as my body continued to shake from adrenaline. “All because what? Rafe hurt your feelings? Because I have more money than you?”

I wanted to understand him. I thought I did once, but the more I thought about our breakup the more I saw it had nothing to do with me. And everything to do with him.

“Do me a favor and grow up. This is the real world. You’d swap places with any one of us in a second if you could.” 

JJ narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want any part of your world. I thought I made that clear.”

“I’m aware. But I was there, remember? For every bonfire, for every boat ride with you and your friends. What was it you guys said again?” It rushed out of me, “to going full kook?”

He watched me stoically, his fingers tugging at his bracelets. 

“I guess you’re the only one that can have the money in the relationship?” I raised my eyebrow at him, waiting for him to respond. 

The beautiful blonde boy that seeped into my bloodstream and made me love him. But, ruined us in the process. He destroyed everything he touched. 

He pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes, 

“What happened?”

“You want to know what happened? You fucking happened.”

That familiar anger flared in his eyes and I knew exactly what he was going to do. What he always did to me, but this time, I wasn’t going to let him erase me. Not again.

“Let’s talk about who you turned into?” JJ spat vehemently. “What? Rafe buys you a nice purse and you’re suddenly snorting lines of coke?” 

“It was actually a couple purses.” 

JJ shot daggers at me. “So what? You’re proud of that?” No, I only wanted someone to care about me if I died.

“I’m only doing what you told me, I’m sorry you don’t like the person you turned me into.”

I didn’t like her much either. But, JJ never gave me more and I realized he would never give me more, no matter how much I pushed. No matter how hard I tried to get him to see that I was the one he should be with. 

It pained me that it took all of this for me to realize that there were parts of JJ he would never let anyone have. 

“Why are you still here?” I said quietly. “I’m not going to let you sit here and make me feel like shit for how I chose to cope with what you broke.” 

I was done giving the men in my life power over me. I needed to stand on my own two feet even if that meant I had to do it alone. 

“Feel like shit?” JJ nodded his head with mock outrage,” Princess, you just let me fuck you in your boyfriend’s bed. I think you feel like shit already.” 

He was right, but I still recoiled back at the venom he spat at me. I sagged with exhaustion. He was just lashing out the way he always did.

“I didn’t know, JJ.” My voice cracked. “I-I didn’t know. I just did what I thought I was supposed to do.”

JJ’s head snapped up at the waver in my voice. His ocean eyes showed a clear battle, one I knew he’d lose. “S-Sometimes it just felt like I wasn’t good enough.”

His confession broke me. I knew the thoughts that ravaged his brain only because those same thoughts now drown in mine.  

My fingers twisted the hem of the shirt that my body was swimming in, a nervous tic I never got rid of. “But I never said that to you, you listened to everyone but me. You were more than enough.”

A tortured look passed his face, like the obvious miscommunication had disrupted everything. “I thought I was being paraded around to prove a point.”

I roughly wiped the tears that kept falling, “It’s okay to not want to struggle for everything in your life, JJ. You were exhausted and I just wanted to help you.”

“I didn’t know. I-just didn’t know.” I continued to repeat.  And I didn't. I had no experience with love. I wanted him to have the world since he was born with less than most people I knew, yet he deserved so much more.

“You let your friends help you, I don’t understand how I was any different.”

His blonde hair was sticking up in multiple directions, a clear sign of his obvious distress. "Because they’re my family."

Irremediable sorrow burrowed in my chest. "But, I was your family too."

I felt layers of grief his me in waves, quick and hard, one after the other as I came to terms with the fact that JJ never considered me any part of his family.

"You were the only family I ever had. I thought I was your family.” I sniffled, my ribs began to ache from the constant crying. 

A loud crack had me jump back as Rafe bursted into the room, chest heaving from exertion. He paused, his eyes locking in on the messed up sheets before dragging over to me and scanning my disheveled appearance. 

I thought we hit a milestone. JJ finally started talking and letting me know exactly what was going on in that brain of his. And maybe, that would be enough for me, for now. This all happened because JJ didn’t know how to communicate and I knew that wasn’t his fault, but at one point he needed to grow up. 

I was willing to hold his hand while he did it. But I watched as JJ’s eyes clocked the necklace Rafe wore with my initials. His gaze narrowed at the purse in his hand and my car keys in the other. 

The jealousy was evident in the way he rolled his shoulders back, his face granite. “Cute necklace.”

Rafe smirked, tilting his head to the side. “Thanks. It looks even better swinging in her face.”

JJ’s cool demeanor dropped, his blue eyes darkened into a brewing storm. “Enjoy my seconds, bro.” He clapped Rafe on the chest. 

My heart popped in my chest at his words, another bandage would do little to fix the shards that once resembled a heart. And, I knew then, that JJ confirmed the conclusion I just came to myself. 

“JJ?”

“What?”

“You were right. I do deserve better than you.” 

Loving him cost me something much greater: myself. 

I couldn’t continue to hide myself in any man that told me pretty words. I was no longer my own person, just a mere extension of them. One that they treated poorly and only took out when they were bored. I was always willing to do what they would never do for me.

I was just a girl, in love with an extraordinary boy who couldn’t see past all the things he was not.

I walked over to where Rafe was, forcing myself to remember his cruel words also. It was the only way I could get myself to walk out of here. My eyes lingered on the necklace for a second before I pulled my keys from his grasp and grabbed my purse. 

I wore nothing but JJ’s shirt, but at the moment I couldn’t care less. I left my clothes in Rafe’s bathroom, deciding it was better to leave them then spend another second in either of their soul sucking presence. I could always buy another dress. 

I couldn’t buy another me. Not if I kept letting these boys break me. 

This time, I was the one that never looked back.

Side note: I WROTE THIS THREE TIMES so pls pls pls be nice to me. I tried to incorporate a lot of people's ideas. I know the OC is very wishy washy but she's so real for that.

TAG LIST: @maybankslover @theficshop @cantbecreative @plk-18

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[lc-holy]

Conférence Masterclass 808 (Translation)

I've taken the liberty of translating the conference that took place last year with the writing director of Miraculous (Sébastien Thibaudeau). It was only made public when someone posted a video of the conference a short while ago.

In this conference, Sébastien Thibaudeau will talk about the creation of Miraculous and his work on the series. He is joined by Chloé Paye, a new scriptwriter working on Miraculous season 6.

Sébastien talks a lot and repeats himself a bit, so the summary can be a bit confusing.

I strongly advise you to go and listen to the video if you understand French. There are a lot of details I'm going to leave out, and Sébastien is very funny.

Photo belongs to mlbfanfr on twitter.

Please be respectful in comments or tags. If you want to debate on things related to this conference, please make your own post. I apologize if there are any mistakes, I'm French and I'm not fluent in English.

-12 years ago, Sébastien arrived at Zagtoon, a studio that was just starting out and had yet to produce and broadcast any series. The producer (Jérémy Zag) and Sébastien hit it off and decided to start working together. Zag decides to give Sébastien total freedom over his projects. Sébastien then decides to put the spotlight on scriptwriters, because in this profession they are unfortunately poorly paid and never stay on the same projects.

So they produced a cartoon called Kobushi. A little-known series that did rather well, even if it didn't stay on the "Gulli" channel for long. The scriptwriters and producer were happy with the end result, as it was produced in a very short time.

Jeremy Zag then proposed another project, which he thought was quite good, but which he was unable to sell to broadcasters. At the time, the project was called "Ladybug". No one was interested, as the project was aimed more at an adult audience than a children's audience. Sébastien had to make sure that the project could be broadcast on Disney and TF1.

There was only a "trailer" also called "Ladybug" (but you'll find the video under the title Ladybug PV) animated by Toei animation. At the time, Sébastien had not yet been hired by Zagtoon. It was Jérémy Zag who convinced Toei animation to work with them (no mean feat, since Toei animation doesn't work with anyone).

So Sébastien started working with Thomas Astruc (the man who wrote and created the "Ladybug" project). At first, he didn't want to work on this project because he found it complicated. Thomas wanted to make a series for adults, but at the time, it was very complicated to make a cartoon for adults. What's more, they didn't have enough money to take on such a project. Sébastien finally agreed, but there were some changes to be made, which Thomas accepted.

-What Sébastien appreciated most in this project was the romantic comedy, the love square between the two main characters.

To meet the requirements of the cartoon industry, "Ladybug" had to be set in a neutral universe, in other words, in an imaginary country or the USA, but Zag, who loves Paris, declared that the cartoon had to be set in Paris.

In the end, Thomas Astruc's entire project was discarded, leaving only the love story between the two heroes and the city of Paris, where the story was to take place.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Sébastien explains how he writes Marinette's first dialogues: He says he talks a lot in real life, so he writes Marinette like him. She says out loud whatever she's thinking.

For Chat noir, he makes him tell his father's jokes. Something TF1 doesn't accept. The TV channel went so far as to refuse to validate the Bible (a collection of information on the series and episodes) until it had removed the sentence: “Chat noir makes jokes”. Sebastien has therefore removed the sentence, but will continue to make Chat noir tell jokes.

-The writing director's job is to get the producer, creator and broadcaster to agree. The series broadcast on TF1 and Disney are very different. TF1 wants series whose story can be told in a single episode, unlike Disney, which wants series whose story spans several episodes.

Sébastien and TF1 agree that Miraculous will be a series with one story per episode, a "Formula Show".

He cites the example of Dora the Explorer episodes, where every episode is the same: Dora goes on an adventure from point A to point B, she has to find 3 clues, then she meets Swiper, she sings a song to make Swiper go away, she uses the talking map to get from one place to another, then Dora manages to get to point B and the episode ends.

This episode format is used for children, to give them a reassuring framework, as they build themselves up through repetition. That's why series like Dora work so well with young children.

So Sebastien sold the Miraculous series to broadcasters as a formula show. A person gets angry, is akumatized, then marinette transforms into Ladybug then frees the person from the akumatization and… The End.

It's also for this reason that Marinette tries to confess her love for Adrien in every episode, but is unable to do so.

But he tried to go against what he had planned with TF1, by slipping little extra stories into certain episodes. Audiences were receptive to these slightly hidden stories. The TV channel even asked Sébastien if there really were hidden things in the series, but he denied everything. Thanks to the positive reception from the public, TF1 agreed to develop the characters of Marinette and Adrien and flesh out the universe a little more.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Once the bible is written, they have to write a script. But first Sébastien, as writing director, needs to know the mood of the series, and to do this he calls on Thomas Astruc, the series creator. Thomas is a great fan of classical painting. A single painting can tell a complex scene with lots of detail. He wants the episodes of miraculous to be like these paintings, there will be very few shots, but in a single shot a lot will happen.

-Sébastien explains that one of the things Thomas wanted to convey in the series was emotion. They didn't want to do what a lot of children's cartoons do, which is to beat the bad guys and win at the end of the episode. They wanted to tell kids that it's normal to have negative emotions. We can also become better people, learn from our mistakes and so on. It also reassures TV channels by setting up scenes that are repeated in every episode: people get angry, people akumatize then people deakumatize, end of episode...

Once the TV channels had been reassured, they set about writing a script.

-Sébastien asks Thomas to write the ending, as they're not sure the series will work. They also wondered what the aim of the series was, and what they wanted to say to the children. The two of them sat down in an office and wrote the ending, which turned out to be just the end of an arc. He even adds that now that they've written a lot more, it's important for them to write in advance so that everything is clear to them.

-The first season was written by 19 authors, from home. He found it interesting that the series was written by several different authors, even if some of them didn't quite understand the premise of the series. One episode that Sébastien particularly appreciated was written by two “autrices” (I think it's weird to say “two female authors”, so I'll use the French word): the refletkta episode, with the story of Juleka who couldn't get into the photos. (Note that all the episodes were proofread by Sébastien and Thomas).

After that, they kept a few people on to work together on the scripts for subsequent seasons.

Sébastien explains that he keeps a close eye on the production of the episodes, to make sure that everything that goes into the picture is as faithful as possible to what they've written in the script.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-The kwamis exist thanks to Toei, who wanted funny little animals to sell plush toys. So the scriptwriters had to find a way to integrate kwamis into the story.

-(Again, Sébastien advises people to check out the Kobushi series if they can still watch it somewhere, or ask the leaker who leaked the whole of season 5 to give them the episodes (that's a joke, of course)).

-Sébastien talks about the Ikari gozen episode, which could have been a total failure because the storyboarder didn't fully understand the scenario. Sébastien asks Zag to redo the storyboard, which will add 10 weeks to the episode's deadline. The storyboarder admits that he's always done storyboards mechanically, without worrying whether the episode is good or not, whether the jokes are funny or not. Eventually, the episode was redone by the same storyboarder, resulting in the episode we all know today.

- They still have a lot to tell with Miraculous, to the point where they're wondering if they'll have enough seasons to tell everything they want to tell. Sebastien says there will be a season 6 and 7, and probably a season 8 and 9.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- Chloé Paye met Sébastien when she was looking for an internship. She had never worked in animation, and knew nothing about Miraculous. She tells us how the scriptwriting team works. Each time, all the scriptwriters in the room have to be convinced of the script. They can sometimes spend hours on details to get everyone to agree.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- The driving force behind the series is that there must always be a secret between Marinette and Adrien. The lovesquare can never be broken, otherwise there's no series. Sébastien knows that some people are worried about this. Will they continue the lovesquare for another 4 seasons or more? How will they evolve? Sébastien says not to worry, they know where they want to go.

-It takes them 14 to 16 months to produce an episode, but it's often much longer due to unforeseen circumstances. And they don't work on one episode at a time, but on several at the same time. One episode takes a long time because of the 3D animation.

One of the things that's complicated with Miraculous 3d animation is that they can only display 3 characters at a time on screen, whereas the series requires them to display many more characters. It's also very difficult to correct animation errors, as this takes a lot of time.

-The TV networks were very surprised by the success of miraculous. They didn't think adults and children alike would watch the series. The TV channels were a little confused because they usually make series for a specific age group, but since miraculous had people of all ages watching, they weren't sure what to do.

- Sébastien says he's very happy that miraculous inspires a lot of people to create things, like writing fanfiction, however he's not interested in it because he doesn't want to be influenced by certain fans who would love to see certain things in the series.

- Writing direction also means paying attention to how the characters speak. They all have their own way of speaking. For example, Adrien will never say "j’te parle", but rather "Je te parle".

- During the writing process, the writers sometimes act out scenes to make the dialogue more natural. This is what happened with the episode "Gang of secrets". They felt that, with the success of the show and the pressure it was generating, they needed to write something to relieve their stress. So they wrote about Marinette and the enormous pressure she was under to keep all her secrets. The final scene, in which Marinette tells Alya that she's Ladybug, came naturally when they performed it together.

#miraculous ladybug #ml writing team #Conférence Masterclass 808

[bigfatbreak]

I see a lot of people talking about what Chloé and Kim did, and I think I'm missing something? What did they do?

In a more recent episode "Derision," (sloppy sum up below)

its discovered that the reason Marinette is so stunted, awkward, and generally staccato about dating Adrien in spite of genuinely liking him, is because she was a major victim of Chloe's the year prior. During that year, Chloe threatened anyone who would attempt to befriend her, isolating Marinette completely, only having a friend in a girl named Socqueline who would relentlessly defend her.

At the time, Marinette had a crush on Kim, and so Chloe, knowing Kim loves pranks, had him "prank" her at the pool as a fake confession. As Kim offered a fake, heartfelt confession in return for Marinette's own, he gifted Marinette a box full of spiders, causing her to flip out and fall into the pool from the high end. Sabine and Chloe were filming the whole thing, and planned on posting it on social media to openly mock her. The only thing stopping them is Socqueline, who legitimately kicks the phone out of Chloe's hands.

This leads into why Marinette is so bad at confessions. After a year of being harassed, bullied, and isolated, she takes a chance on love, and is only horrifically and publicly mocked. Her attitude towards Adrien makes more sense with this context - deeply and passionately loving him, but constantly hesitating on the last step, as last time was so devastating. She's got some severe trauma around confessing and connecting with love interests, as she assumes they're always going to mock her in the end.

I really wish this episode had been planned earlier in the series, because it DOES give good insight as to how bad Marinette had it, and would've been great context for the audience. Not long after, Socqueline had to move away, too, so Marinette had to rebuild her entire social network from the ground up, with several people in the class who didn't mind humiliating her for their own amusement.

Also I really liked Chat Noir/Adrien going sicko mode on Kim. PLEASE kill that boy Adrien. I am BEGGING YOU. He tries to cataclysm Kim in the fucking face. I was thrilled. I thrive off negativity

Using this as groundwork in the dad villain au, having all that shit happen to Marinette alongside losing Sabine essentially made her go "wow I am going to quit school and work at my dad's business. bye" which is super ironic because that is ALL gabriel wants adrien to do lmao

#replies #a sum up bc a lot of my audience hasnt watched the newer eps #and in their defense neither have i hfffhfhf #okay i skim them but i work full time #its hard finding the minutes to spare

[hi-i-love-u-bitch]

Okay I see your "if Hobie and Noir meet they would be besties and punch nazis together" and I totally agree with that! But also consider:

Hobie is Spider Noir's biggest fanboy!

Like in the comics he's like a HUGE Gwen Stacy stan and he's such a goofy little dork about it. In ATSV him and Gwen's relationship is more like chill friends, and I'm okay with that. But I think it be so funny that when Hobie was recruted into Spiderverse society and Miguel was showing him all the other universes with the different Spiderman variants he pauses by the computer screen with that one gritty black and white universe cuz he just saw some guy in a fedora and trench coat PUNCH A FUCKING NAZI!!! WHO IS THAT GUY?!?! HE'S SO COOL!!!

He asks Miguel a million and one question about the guy and when the old grump annoyingly shoos him away he asks Peter as he briefly met him during that one incident in Miles is dimension. When that still isn't enough he asks Lyla to tell him everything she knows on Noir. Now obviously Lyla has no obligation to do this but she's also never seen Hobie this giddy and excited over something other then music. Its adorable, he's almost like a little kid wanting to know everything about their favorite cartoon. Also she low key likes to annoy Miguel and Hobie's rebellious spirit that gets under her straight laced boss is skin which is hilarious.

You know when Gwen first met Hobie she was a bit intimated cuz he just had that "too cool" vibe about him. But as soon as she mentions that she has worked with other Spider people before, which includes Noir, he did a whole 180 and became a complete dork!

Hobie: Get out, you actually met him! 🤩

Gwen: Uh, yeah?

Hobie: How was he like? What did he say? Did he talk about fascist corruption that not only plagued the system back then but even now as well? Was he super cool during the fight?! 😃🤩💫😻

Gwen: ..........He was nice.

Hobie: That's so rad! ✨️🤟🤩

I also feel like, aside from Miles, Gwen keeps in contact with the other Spider peeps from the first movie and tried to recruit them into the Spider society but obviously Noir and Porker didn't join. Porker because he’s a cartoon that follows "toon logic" and Miguel's ideologies are too serious for his taste. And Noir because, and I quote: "The last I heard of a secret society designed to 'keep the peace for the greater good of humanity at any cost' a whole world war came about it. I know fascism when I see it, kid."

Gwen relays that message to Hobie when explaining why Noir isn't joining and Hobie's response to that is: "He gets it! He just like me fr! 😭💕"

I think it be really cute that in the next movie when they finally meet Hobie is kinda awkward and shy. Like this guy has never respected an adult in his life (at least not any that didn’t deserve the disrespect) and with Noir his all like "Hello sir" "How are you sir" "It's very nice to meet you sir!" And Noir is actually just a really nice guy if a little broody but he's heard so much about this kid from Gwen and how much of a good friend he's been to her so Noir already likes him on principle.

Hobie: Uh Mr. Noir-- Parker, sir! It is such an honor to meet you! The work you do in your universe is amazing and I hope to learn more while working alongside you however briefly.

Noir: Ah, Peter is just fine really, or Noir if it gets to confusing. No need to be so formal, we're all on equal footing here. I've heard a lot about you and your world as well from Gwen. Although it does sadden me that such a young man has to take on the burden of saving the world from such a corrupt society yet again, you're going about it quite well. War is hard and ugly and violent but you are amazingly brave to be able to stand up for what is right in the face of it all. If anybody is honored here it is me, for being able to meet such a remarkable young man like you. And knowing that my friends have made such honorable allies in the midst of all this chaos.

Hobie, externally: Yeah, it's whatevs 😎

Hobie, internally: Dont cry dont cry dont cry dont cry dont cry dont cry dont cry dont cry YOURE GUNNA LOOK SO UNCOOL IF YOU CRY IN FRONT OF HIM NOW 😭💕😭💕😭

I just think it be really cute if they had a wholesome father-son sort of relationship where they shit talk corrupt government systems and punch fascists together. You know, regular father-son bonding!

(Also I think that's another reason Miguel didn't invite Spider Noir to the Spiderverse, cuz he knew that both of these menaces together would cause a bigger headache than its worth 🤣🤣🤣)

#spiderverse #spiderman across the spiderverse #atsv #spider noir #spider punk #hobie brown #DO NOT TAG AS SHIP!! #father son relationship #spiderman #bunny talks #headcannons #hobie brown is a dork and we should all accept that #Noir is adopting ALL the colorful spider children

[theresattrpgforthat]

Do you have any games that involve urban fantasy with less focus on fighting than something like Dresden or Shadowrun?

THEME: Urban Fantasy (Minimal Fighting)

Hello there! What I've got here is quite a mix, I wasn't sure how much violence you wanted (or didn't want) so I have a little bit of romance, a little bit of nostalgia, and a little bit of horror!

City of Mist, by Son of Oak Games.

City of Mist is a role-playing game of film-noir investigation and super-powered action. It is set in a modern metropolis rife with crime, conspiracies, and mysteries. The protagonists are Rifts, ordinary people who became the living embodiment of a legend, their Mythos. While your Rifts may seek to strike a balance between the mysterious nature of their Mythos and their mortal aspirations, the powers within them always threaten to tear their lives apart. They have unwittingly become a part of a secret world of clashing stories, and soon other legends will come looking for them with demands.

City of Mist is a combination of PbtA and FATE, giving your characters descriptive tags to use for both their benefit and their detriment as they go about solving mysteries in a supernaturally-saturated city. The primary theme of the game is mystery, and thus more than anything your characters will be primed for investigation. That’s not to say that there isn’t violence - but violence and fighting can be de-emphasized if the group is more interested in the mystery side of things.

Character Creation involves a combination of mundane and supernatural themes, as your character is endeavouring to strike a balance with the parts of themselves that they recognize (student, parent, office worker, ex-partner) and the parts of themselves that are hard to understand (mythical beast, deity, folktale, urban legend). What’s important to define is your daily routine, your personality, and what kind of supernatural powers you have.

This game isn’t explicitly anti-violent, but it absolutely provides you with ways to solve problems that aren’t violent, so I think City of Mist is worth checking out.

Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites, by Pammu.

Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites is a narrative RPG about spending your night in one of the only clubs in your city that’s safe for creatures of the night like yourself. All you want to do is have some fun just like the humans do. Play a supernatural creature of choice, put some sick EDM on the speakers and get your game on!

This game works best for an even number of players, up to 6, and is GM-less. It combines urban monsters with flirting, dark clubs and hookups. Each of your characters will look for a partner by doing things that will appeal to the other players. If they like what you do, they’ll reward you with tokens, which you can spend to improve the atmosphere of the club. Fill another player’s intimacy meter, you’ve won them over, and the two of you decide how the night ends for both of your characters.

If you want a game about flirting and the magic of a nightclub, this is your game.

The Far Roofs, by Jenna Katerin Moran.

The Far Roofs is an original role playing system and bundled campaign using pens or pencils, paper, six-sided dice, ten-sided dice, playing cards, and a bag of letter tiles. It's complete in one volume: with this one book and the equipment above, you'll have everything you need to play. 

As the story progresses, your characters will gain access to over 150 unique, narrative-focused powers developed and refined over the course of a decade for the Chuubo's Marvelous Wish-Granting Engine RPG before being simplified and adapted for use herein.

The Far Roofs is still being Kickstarted, but Moran’s work on Chuubo’s Wish-Granting Engine produced a game that emphasizes wonder and emotional experience. The Far Roofs looks to deliver along the same lines, and the examples of play point towards investigation, social interaction, and magic powers. Jenna Moran is also known for her unique and evocative storytelling in her work, so I think it’s definitely worth checking out.

Lighthearted, by Kurt & Kate Potts.

Welcome to the magical 80s dream world of Lighthearted. You are a Prep, Jock, Geek, Rebel, or Outcast, like those kids in The Breakfast Club, except you are just about to start magic community college. Through play, we'll explore how you grow out of your high school cliques all while dealing with magical mishaps, college parties, vampires, and worse—finals!

Lighthearted is a complete tabletop roleplaying game that uses the language of film and television to reimagine the coming of age stories popular in 80s teen movies like Weird Science and Sixteen Candles, but with a modern fantasy spin. It's set in an alternate 1980s with fantasy elements weaved into the most outlandish bits of 80’s pop culture. There are fantasy religions mixed in with mall culture, dark magic cold wars, and magical glamours instead of plastic surgery.

This is a game of magic and coming-of-age, as you play first-year students at a magical community college. You’re off to the big city, and the big world - will you survive your first college party? Your first vampire?

The whole game feels like the neon lights of a vibrant night-life combined with the nostalgia of an 80’s film. Your magic is attached to how you feel, so as your emotions change, so will your effectiveness at certain actions. If you want a game that’s as light as its name, and you are seeking out rosy-tinted nostalgia, this might be your game.

Changeling: the Lost, by Onyx Path.

Once upon a time, they took you from your home. They promised you a place at their side, and meaning in your life, and they surrounded you with beautiful things. But the beautiful things were oh so sharp, and they laughed when you bled.

Day by day, they changed you. But day by day, your will grew stronger. On the last day, you smashed your way through the beautiful things and ran, not noticing as you bled or feeling as you cried.

You fought with courage and cleverness and took yourself home. Now the beauty and the horror are yours, to have and to hold and to live.

Welcome to once upon right fucking now.

So I’m familiar only with the 1st edition of Changeling, but as far as I understand, the setting and core premise of the game is the same in the 2nd edition. Changeling: the Lost is a game of fairy trauma. Your characters are survivors of a fae horrorscape, a place both wondrous and terrifying all at once. This game is solidly in the horror genre, but it contains within it a taste of the magical, and it’s also the reason I got into roleplaying in the first place.

As in many Chronicles of Darkness games, fighting is an option in here, but it’s not a wise option. Getting into fights pulls at your characters’ ability to understand the difference between our world and the world of Fae, it’s very easy to sustain supernatural damage that is hard to heal, and, well, sometimes it’s hard to tell who your real enemies are in the first place.

I’d say that Changeling is more of a political game than anything else. Your characters will have to dance through the highly literal wording of faerie pledges, and untangle difficult relationships between Courts that are both safe havens and potential beds of sedition. This is a violent game, but much of the violence possible in Changeling isn’t physical - it's emotional.

This Night On The Rooftops, by C.M. Ruebsaat.

This is a game about gazing out over the smokestacks after dark, with the wind in your hair and a friend at your side and a thousand lights of progress on the streets below. 

This Night on the Rooftops is a collaborative storytelling game for 2-5 players about friendship, growing up, and revolution. You will play members of a gang of children in The City, a fantastic world of industry and dying magic, where witches labour alongside factory-workers to make ends meet.

This game looks slightly less modern, but it takes the fantasy aspect of witchcraft and places it inside an industrial city. The game uses a modified version of the No Dice No Masters rule set, which is excellent for stories that have an ebb and flow to them, managed through the use of token expenditure. This game is also GM-less, giving everyone at the table the same amount of control over what happens next.

Since the characters are a gang of teenage witches looking to make ends meet, this game doesn’t strike me as one that prioritizes fighting or violence. The city looks big enough to grind up the characters if they’re not careful, so they’ll likely have to find solutions to problems that don’t get them (or their dependants) in trouble. If the game is like other No Dice No Masters games that I’m familiar with, the group will also have a big say over which elements of the city are the most intriguing to them.

Partners: The Urban Fantasy File, by Tin Star Games.

Some murders are just elf defence…

Vampires are real, magic is real, elves are real - and murder is still very very real. This expansion takes you and your Partner down the moonlit streets of urban fantasy, where the dead sometimes get back up again but crime is still a mystery needing two heads to solve.

The base game for this, Partners, is a two-player mystery-solving game about a pair of detectives, a straight-shooter and a wildcard. You’ll need the base rules to play, but this supplement brings in dead elves, suspicious vampires, and other common characters in any urban fantasy genre. It can work as a one-shot, or as a series of episodes. If you want a game that's primarily about solving a mystery more than anything else, this is is for you.

Solacebound, by Sascha Moore.

Young monsters played at the boundary between the worlds. They slipped and stranded in a human city. Isolated and unwelcome, they search for each others help and a way back.

Solacebound is a GM-less Game for 3-5 people to play over a few hours. Search a sprawling, oppressive city for your friends, find out who is willing to give you a roof, bash back against authorities, cook together and console each other. Will you find a way back home before all passages close?

You are teenage monsters trying to find their way through an urban environment, in a place that is hostile to them. You survive by hiding out, finding each-other, and do things together to make sure you keep each-other healthy. Cards from a deck act as resources, but also as an oracle to help you describe the fallout of any given action, and the emotions that are attached to it. This is a game about metaphors, about what it is like to live in a place that fears you, so I definitely recommend making sure the entire table knows what this is about before starting a game.

You Might Also Want to Check Out

Subway Runners, by Gem Room Games.

#tabletop games #indie ttrpgs #game recommendations #dnd #asks #indie ttrpg #urban fantasy

[buggachat]

I'm so curious to hear your thoughts. do you think Gabriel will ACTUALLY die? Or Nathalie? or will they both get healed??? Will Emilie actually get revived? The latter was always something I thought the show would do, but I also feel like this show is hard to predict sometimes. If Emilie does come back, I can't imagine she'd be too thrilled when she learns what Gabe's been up to that the two of them would go back to being a happy loving couple. #eminath2022

honestly it's SO HARD to predict how this series could possibly end. Adrien's story is so clearly set up as a tragedy, completely doomed by the narrative, and there's sufficient foreshadowing that he could possibly die/be sacrificed.... but I also believe that IF that happens he'd be revived and will ultimately receive a happy ending, because he's a main/beloved character of a children's show (also future-chat noir was alive in timetagger). So how will Adrien get a happy ending? Who will parent this child? UHHHHH

Personally, I really hope they don't revive Emilie, even if that's maybe the most obvious way for Adrien to have a happy ending. I think it'd maybe be a little questionable for kids who watch the show and relate to Adrien's struggles of losing a parent, and also I think that it'd kind of... prove Gabriel right? I think Gabriel would happily sacrifice ANYTHING, including his own life, to save Emilie, and I think him essentially doing that, sacrificing EVERYTHING to revive Emilie, and then everyone in the show being better off for it and it being the "happy ending" would kind of mess with the themes. Gabriel isn't supposed to be right. He's supposed to be wrong, he's supposed to be deluded that Emilie can be saved, he's supposed to be wrong in refusing to mourn her properly and move on, and with those themes in mind I don't think it'd make sense for her to be brought back. Maybe temporarily, but not permanently, y'know?

As for the fate of Gabriel and Nathalie.... I DON'T KNOW.... I DON'T KNOW!!! I feel like I almost want to say that Gabriel will just flat out die, but can they do that??? It's a kids show??? WOULD they kill Gabriel??? I don't know!! I DON'T KNOW.... but also there's something so poetically beautiful about Gabriel being the cause of his own demise, y'know? He did this to himself. This is his punishment. Ladybug and Chat Noir don't even have to decide his fate, he decided it himself, and I love that. And even if they find a way to heal the cataclysm, would it heal his mind after being driven mad by all the miraculouses? I...... I don't know that they can do that. How weird would it be, if the series ended with Gabriel suddenly healthy in body and mind again? And then what? He goes back to raising Adrien like nothing happened? It's almost easier to picture him flat out dying, or going to prison with an implied shortened lifespan or something. Gabriel should not continue to have custody of Adrien after all is said and done.

Nathalie would make more sense to survive, I suppose, because even if her fate has been sealed for longer and more solidly, she's a more redeemable character. In fact, I'd say Passion implies that she's very redeemable now, and is even actively trying to step in and be a mother-figure to Adrien now, which makes her a solid contender for being Adrien's post-plot guardian... but it still doesn't feel quite right, because just like Gabriel, Nathalie did this to herself, and her illness is her poetic punishment for her crimes, and we have no reason to believe that her illness can be cured, and we know it's fatal because of Emilie. That, and even if she regrets it now, she still aided and abetted Adrien's abusive father.... so........ I................... .....?

I'm really at a loss here, because I can't predict at all where this could all possibly go. If not Emilie, Gabriel, or Nathalie, who will take care of Adrien?

I know a lot of people use Gorilla for this role, and I don't blame them because there's really no other option, but I've never bought it. Gorilla is.... essentially just.... Some Vaguely Decent Man™ who works for Gabriel, and I really don't get anything from him or from his relationship with Adrien beyond that. Like yes, he's nice to Adrien in a way that probably any Vaguely Decent Man™ would be, and Adrien likes him fine in the same way that Adrien likes everyone, but that's... kind of it? Fanon takes Gorilla and Adrien's relationship and runs with it, and that's fun and all, but in canon there's virtually nothing there, and I'm sure that if Gorilla adopting him was the intended ending, they'd be developing their relationship more than the nothing that we've gotten.

All that really leaves is Amelie, his aunt, who lives in a different country? That seems the most logical, but also would have a huge affect on future seasons of the show if Adrien left the country. Maybe there's some interesting plot stuff they could do with that, and with Adrien and Félix living together, but it almost feels too AUish for me to comfortably predict that it would happen in canon.

sorry this turned into a long ramble where my conclusion is basically a big "I don't know". But anyway, I'm actually really excited to see where this all ends up! I love how unpredictable this show can be.

My only semi-Serious prediction is: I can just picture an episode where Gabriel actually wins, where he recreates his world, and maybe Adrien isn't in it, like Adrien was the one transferred to the casket in the basement (or maybe Adrien was the one who made the wish, and willingly chose to sacrifice himself, because of Adrien's established sacrificial tendencies? idk), and Emilie denounces Gabriel and walks out on him and Gabriel realizes that everything that he's done has been for nothing, that his dream was never real and never could be, and then they somehow undo that timeline and bring everything back into the regular timeline. Idk how any of that would happen, but I'd like it so :)

("It's just bad writing" No Fun Allowed responders DNI)

#ml spoilers #miraculous ladybug spoilers #ml s5 spoilers #passion spoilers

[thequietkid-moonie]

Can you do Adrien agreste x y/n who is a childhood friend romantic headcanons?

Childhood friend to loves w/ Adrien Agreste

[ HEADCANONS ] [ Miraculous Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir ]

Hehe ~ I like this prompt quite a lot, I just find it pretty cute 🤭 thanks for requesting it! Hope you like it

Want to know something interesting? My bestie is living her own childhood friends to lovers in real life (me envy)

To be friends with Adrien since he was a child it has to be because your family is influential or part of the fashion world, or even has to have a really good relationship with his own, otherwise Gabriel won't allow you to be friend of his son (unless is while Emily is still alive since she is more willing to let you two be friends)

Is probably that you were friends with Cloe too, however she will either don't like you much or think really high of you and think you are above everyone else (like she does with Adrien)

Adrien will appreciate a lot if you treat him as just a friend and not as the son of a famous fashion designer and, later, a model (and, actually, that is when his feelings for you start to grow), he likes just being your friend, for him it doesn't matter much if you are more the shy or introvert type, or if you are more extrovert and energetic he will be more than happy to spend time with you and, at the end, is more likely that he just get used to your own rhythm

As he grows up Adrien tries to stay with you and Cloe as much as posible since you two are his only friends, however once his feelings start to grow as an innocent crush he will just mistook them as enjoying a lot your company and tries to be even more close to you (and it could easily go unnoticed for you two being friends for so long)

Is probably that Emily would notice but decided to don't say anything and just cheerish for you two. Is also probably that Natalie notice his growing feelings for you too, but she doesn't say anything about it neither, mostly because she isn't sure about what to do in that case

As time pass his desire to go to school grows more, one of the reasons is also because he wants to be able to go to school with you (specially if you tell him stories about what you and/or your classmates have done or what you do in school, even if for you is boring for him it isn't). Adrien wants to go to the same school as you and constantly express that to you but is probably that he won't tell you when he finally tries to sneak to go to school since it could be a good surprised (although his excitement won't allow him to hide it for too long)

Once in school he is pretty excited for everything and to make new friend and yet he can't help but be a little clingy with you (as long as you allow him to)

After a while of being in the school and with his new friends it could become more obvious his interest on you, and depending in how you are (how affectionate or just by how comfortable you are around him) people could even start thinking that there is something between you two. Nino, being his closest friend, will probably the one bringing the topic, asking him to already spit it out and say if you two are together or not (followed by Alya and all the rest of his friends if they heard), Adrien insist that there is nothing between you two since in his mind is actually like that, maybe knowing that your friendship is really stronge but he thinks is because is for how long you two had been friends

After that, and since Adrien don't seem to fully identify his feelings, his friends will make their personal goal to push you two together (what doesn't seem too difficult according to them), by trying to help him understand his true feelings and trying to put you two together

From his part, once Adrien finally undestand and accept his feelings he will try to win your heart in the right way, he won't asume that you feel the same and will never dare to force his feeling on you, so, for him, the only right thing to do is court you and try to win your heart (even if his friends insist that you feel the same). He tries to be romantic and affectionate (even if he was already affectionate now it goes with a new meaning)

At the end, for him it doesn't matter much who confess to who, what matter is that you reciprocate his feelings and being able to be in a relationship with you make him feel like when he was a child, like when you used to play together and forgeting about the rest of the world, he feel incredibly happy

#miraculous ladybug x reader #miraculous x reader #mlb x reader #adrien agreste #adrien agreste x reader #adrien x reader #cartoons x reader #cartoon x reader #x reader #x gn reader

[kairiscorner]

Im obbesses w spider noir for some reason and idk why. But i wanna req a story and u pick whoever is the love interest (i want to be spider noir but HE DOESNT FIT THIS KIND OF GENRE 😭😭 but i hope yk spider noir or hobie YKKK~ HAHAHAHAHAH) 😏 HAHAHAH natatawa ako 😭

Anyways this is a req: so miguel is holding a meeting right w some spideys then miguel suddenly calls y/n in his watch (aka his non bio suddenly adopted daughter who was also a spidey) for her to help the upcoming mission.

Then suddenly, miguel counts to 3..2..1… and the there was a smoke bomb in the room! And miguel says “here she comes..” with his palm on his forehead. And when the smoke is clear u are posing like this : https://pin.it/6sHhLLK (search on google.) with a spiderman suit w a mask on under your short silky black dress with heels. Waving to them “Hey fellas!” With a jokingly seductive tone. Then the love interest stares at y/n, falling in love 😍

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH NAYATAWA AKO SA LOKOHAN KO HAHAHAH BUT I HOPE U SEE THIS COS IDK WHATS GOING ON W MY MIND HAHAHAHAH

BWAHAHAHHAHAHA NATAWA RIN AKO RITO WEYT ok noong una, di ko gets, PERO I THINK GETS KO NA SIYA........? SORRY IF THIS ISN'T WHAT YOU ASKED FOR BUT THIS IS HOW I INTERPRETED IT YUHYUH

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

when the skrunkly <333

"so that wraps up today's meeting, does anyone--oh, you finally showed up." miguel said with a slight grunt and a hint of annoyance in his tone as the tall, lanky, dark complexioned boy walked in with a confident smirk and with his hands in his vest pockets. he raised his eyebrows, and the corners of his mouth curled into an even bigger grin, one of satisfaction for having defied miguel's expectations at even showing up just as the meeting was about to be wrapped up. "at least i'm here, aren't i?" he asked in a sly tone, one that acted as provocation for miguel's worsening temper.

"anyway..." miguel began again as hobie, quite loudly, pulled a chair--dragging it against the floor, creating as much friction as he could--and loudly plopped himself down on the chair. he leaned the chair back and placed his feet up on the table, to the distaste of the spider people adjacent to him. "go on." hobie said in a casual manner. "i'm not even here." he said as he leaned further back.

miguel let out a long sigh at hobie's defiant acts of annoying rebelliousness. "anyway, like i was saying, we have a new recruit that'll be joining us today." he said as everyone began buzzing, wondering who this new recruit would be. hobie laid back further in his chair, and though he appeared as if he couldn't care less about this new recruit, he did want to get to know them once they got there.

"hey, where are you?" he asked in a hushed voice as the new recruit appeared on the other end. faint giggling, explosions, and not so family friendly words were heard in the background. "oh, hi mig!" you called out from the other end. miguel lowered the volume on his watch as he scowled at you. "i gave you permission to go on that joyride but not doing--is that a duck?" he asked in angry manner as you tried to explain yourself.

hobie was enjoying the scene from afar, not sitting down a little more properly, grinning to himself as he indulges in miguel's frustrated figure as, who he assumed was the new recruit, was pissing him off immensely. the best part was that miguel let you do what you wanted. that must've meant you really mattered to him, to give you permission to do things he'd never let just anyone do.

miguel grunted in irritation as he ended the call. "right when i needed them to come on their first mission..." he murmured and pinched the bridge of his nose. before anyone could react, miguel was already counting down in his head.

"3..."

the sound of something metal clinking on the floor reverberated throughout the room, causing for everyone to look that way.

"2..."

the metal container soon released a flurry of gas, a cloud so thick that it enveloped the whole room, causing for everyone to wheeze and cough at the gas as they fanned the air away. hobie, meanwhile, tried to see the figure that came up from the smoke, the silhouette coming closer and closer as the cloud began to dissipate.

"1..."

"hey fellas!" exclaimed and excited and playful voice that threw themselves on the table and slid over on it, lying sideways while leaning the side of your head on your fist so confidently on the table, winking at a few spider people. "hi dad!" you exclaimed as you waved at miguel all joyfully, with him clicking his tongue and muttering something repeatedly in spanish.

you had a short, silky black dress on with heels; presumably from an event you had to attend undercover. but underneath that was your spider suit and covering your very excited and enthusiastically chaotic face was your mask.

"everyone, this is--" miguel began, but you interrupted him. "his one and only spider student! nice to meet you lot!" you beamed all happily as you stood up on the table, earning stares and looks of confusion, concern, and awe from one soul from across the table. from hobie brown.

hobie watched as you teased miguel, with him trying to keep a straight, unaffected demeanor as you kept trying to butter him up and get him to let loose. hobie admired your boldness, nobody he's ever met was able to worm their way into miguel's heart as well as you have, and... you've caught his attention with such little effort already. just being your adorable, chaotic self already sold him to you.

as miguel adjourned the meeting once and for all, hobie called out to you. "man, what a killer suit you have, it's mad wicked." he complimented. you giggled. "why, thank you! who are you? oh, you have such a cool hairstyle! and are those piercings? miguel! let me get some! it'll be fun!" you exclaimed to the big man as he pinched his nose bridge again and told you both to get out.

hobie chuckled. "say, would you like to come with me and deface some property?" he offered with a smirk, which you reciprocated with a wide grin. "that's my favorite pastime, of course!" you beamed as you took hobie's arm, and with an assuring smile, you both swung out of there, much to miguel's disappointment because you were both assigned on a mission.

"i love how you can't do a thing about either of them." lyla quipped as she showed up, smirking at miguel as he sighed. "just make sure to keep the reminder to come back here before 7 on their watch." he said as he resigned to his chair in front of the monitors. lyla laughed. "uh, yeah, no can do. they disabled it the moment they came in here."

"why didn't you tell me?"

"because it's funnier to see you in angry dad mode. now, smile." lyla said as she took a picture of miguel scowling, and saved it in an album with your name on it and on the caption it said: 'his first freak out at you running away with a boy you probably like !!'

a/n: i was gonna make hobie say, "that your kid, miguel?" but i think that would've killed everybody in the room 😭😭😭

tags !! @thecoolerdor @miguelswifey04 @binibinileonara @ii01vq @luvstarrstruck @maxoloqy @pixqlsin @k4tsu3

#hobie brown #hobie brown x reader #atsv imagines #atsv x reader #atsv x you #itsv x you #atsv x y/n #hobie brown x you #hobie brown x y/n #spidersona

[blacknedsoul-blog]

Annabel Lee Whitlock: The Hypocrite, the Vampire and the Femme Fatale. A review of archetypes

Good news: I'm on vacation. Bad news: I'm on vacation.

And that means rest. A positive externality. But on the other hand, it also means that my brain, which is constantly thirsting for stimulation, has lost eight hours of activity a day that it has to fill with something. You know what happens to orange tabbies who suddenly become quiet and behave as if possessed by all the demons of Ars Goetia? Well, sort of.

So my brain in need of stimulation decided to dust off my college notes and talk about archetypes, because it's a thorough enough job to keep me away from climbing walls or checking random stuff on the Internet for 10 hours a day.

What is an archetype?

Just to make sure we're all on the same page, an archetype (a "type character") is a writing model that describes a role and has certain characteristics.

The term was coined by Honoré de Balzac, a French writer obsessed with what he called "micro-history. His life's work, "La Comédie humaine", is a massive collection of more than 80 novels, which, when read, will give you more information about that historical period than any theoretical book on the subject.

You may not know this sir or the protagonist of "Illusions perdues", but you do know the archetype that Lucien Rumempré represents: a young from the provinces, full of dreams, who moves to the city only to discover that the lights are there to dazzle and distract from the misery.

But at the same time, the characters that come to mind are likely to be very different from the good Lucien. This is because the archetype is a different construct from the cliché.

If I had to explain the difference, I would say that the cliché is a recipe, while the archetype is a mold.

If you follow a recipe, you will always get results that are very similar, even if you make small variations in the recipe. But if you have a star cookie cutter, the contents of the cookies can be quite different: no one would dare say that a chocolate chip cookie tastes the same as an oatmeal cookie or a gingerbread cookie. Even if all three are cut in the shape of a star.

So I'm going to do a little review of the archetypes that Annabel notices. The differences, the similarities, and let's see what comes out.

The Hypocrite

Not "hypocrite" in the sense of a personality, but in the sense of a way of behaving in the world: The Hypocrite is a character whose way of relating to the world is a pantomime, whose role is to build themselves up to fit into a system (which, by the way, they despise). If they don't have what you want, they will at least pretend enough to make you think they do. Usually for personal gain.

The founder of this archetype is Julien Sorel, the protagonist of "Le Rogue et Le Noir", the most famous work of Stendhal, one of the most prominent writers of the literary realism founded by Balzac.

Julien is this poor boy, but smart enough to memorize the Bible, which makes him seem educated enough to get him a job as a tutor in a rich house, and eventually a priest's cassock.

A more modern example is Nick Wilde from Zootopia. This fox has decided that if he alone can be a con man, he will be one, though he desperately wants someone to see him as an individual beyond that. He hates the system that condemns him, but he wants to be a part of it and will play by the rules he is given in order to profit.

Annabel, like Julien and Nick, has built her entire identity around being what is expected of her, in her case a perfect Victorian high society lady. Something that has given her a tremendous amount of knowledge about how people move in such circles. And from her point of view, people are the same everywhere (Miss Marple would be proud of her).

And in this oppressive context that fosters an environment where people kill each other, she knows what currency to give in return for loyalty: people will look for a leader, someone competent, someone who knows what they're doing.

Annabel has no idea what's going on, what awaits them outside the Nevermore gate, or even if there's a way to escape. But she can pretend to know. The quietest person in the room wins, and she's the one who takes the prizes to achieve her goal. The performance is justified as a means to an end.

Another thing that characterizes stories with a Hypocrite as a relevant character is the exploration of the consequences of this lifestyle: identity is consumed by the role, the line between actor and character is lost, and the Hypocrite is often faced with the reality that they have put so much of themselves into the character they are playing that once it is exposed, there is nothing underneath, or at least nothing worth saving.

In Annabel's case, this is expressed in her utter horror at not being trusted by Lenore. She puts her hypocrisy at the disposal of her lover and comforts herself with the reward of her affection, but Lenore's love for her is the only thread that binds her own identity: that Lenore does not trust her means that the role has completely consumed her, the complete confirmation that she, as an individual, is no longer a disturbed poseur.

Related to this point, we have the final transversal line in the conflicts that Hypocrites tend to have: loneliness. When all their relationships are based on a carefully rehearsed performance, the Hypocrite knows that they are alone in the world, that no one really knows them, and they are usually so deep in the role by this point that they don't want to (or can't) leave it. The longing for honest relationships overlaps with their self-destructive tendencies.

As much as Annabel insists that it's her and Lenore against the world, that her life is meaningless without Lenore, and that she is enough, these phrases indicate that Annabel is painfully aware of how she is perceived by others, and though she tells herself that Lenore's love is all she needs, it seems more like a mantra to keep her sane than a reality.

As you may have noticed, the main difference from the usual Hypocrite is that Annabel has Lenore. A bit like Nick has Judy. But Nevermore is a story that takes the psychology of its characters much more seriously, so while Nick just needs someone to reach out to in order to form honest relationships, Annabel passes because she has no fucking idea how to form an honest, healthy bond.

That Annabel is extraordinarily self-destructive, emotionally dependent, and so afraid to step outside the box she knows so well are, in this light, natural consequences of the Hypocrite lifestyle.

The Vampire

Here we must make a leap to another movement: during the Romantic period, the Gothic novel was at its best, and it was Edgar Allan Poe who squeezed out the last drops of what this genre had to offer.

Now, looking at the bibliography, Annabel does not have much in common with the gothic heroine (that is something Lenore takes care of), neither on an aesthetic level nor on a value level. To find her in the works that inspire her, one must look in a slightly different direction: the female vampires of gothic fiction.

Aurelia ("Vampirismus" by E.T.A. Hoffmann), Carmilla ("Carmilla" by Sheridan Le Fanu), Clarimonde ("The death woman in love" by Théophile Gautier), the vampire in the poem "The Metamorphosis of the Vampire" by Baudelaire, the three vampire women, and Lucy ("Dracula" by Bram Stoker).

All these characters have something more in common than their fangs: they are beautiful women capable of making anyone who sees them fall completely into their arms, as opposed to their role of making the one they have chosen as their prey "fall".

The Gothic vampire is practically a succubus, but much less sexualized than one might think. Although many of these works, with the exception of the poem by the good Baudelaire (an author who should be fed separately on these matters), spare no pages in describing how beautiful they are, neither do they overly sexualize them, nor are they particularly flirtatious: even Clarimonde is dedicated to simply being there and letting her presence alone do the work.

This is something Annabel shares with the gothic vampire: though physically gorgeous, the framing in the comic doesn't tend to focus on her as an object of sexual desire, her beauty is highlighted, but in a way that is more akin to an ethereal or unattainable entity.

This is due to a mixture of two things: the Gothic novel is steeped in Catholic puritanism, and even if it is to present a villain who uses her attractiveness as a weapon, the erotic component is subtly exposed, and the vampire's angelic beauty offers a contrast to her status as an antagonist: beautiful on the outside, insidious on the inside.

This is another thing Annabel has in common with the gothic vampire: she is aware that her appearance gives her a haughty, elegant, and dignified air, identifiable enough to earn nicknames like "Queen" or "Queenie," and she knows how to capitalize on it. This contrasts with the darker parts of her personality.

Another thing that terrifies romantics about vampires is that these fangirl succubi possess a quality that makes us 21st-century readers raise an eyebrow because it's supposed to make us uncomfortable: a deep, honest, and sincere willingness to be affectionate.

In context, this makes sense: the vampire is a representation of sin, temptation, and lust. So their affection is something that leads the object of it away from the path of morality (this is the 19th century, this is really important).

I understand that because of the vampire's role in all of this, she is a devoted lover. Incredibly devoted, in fact: Clarimonde is Romuald's sugar mommy (no, I'm not kidding, I'm not exaggerating either), and Carmilla never stops showering Laura with affection and attention, satisfying this girl's craving for companionship after living in isolation.

Annabel does something similar: there is a genuine interest on her part to reach out and connect with Lenore, and in scenes like this, she goes out of her way to show her that she is an amazing person in her own right, rather than being her brother's shadow.

All kidding aside, I think of the archetypes I could find to analyze Annabel, this is the one that fits her best, even though she is not, well, literally a vampire. She seems to have several things in common with Carmilla in particular.

The Femme Fatale

We all have a more or less clear idea of what a femme fatale is: this extremely attractive, sexually active, badass woman who is there to make the male character's life miserable and has a 50% chance of smoking fine cigarettes with a cigarette holder. This is…partially true, but also highly inaccurate.

Although these characters can be traced back much further in mythology, this archetype gets its name and very specific form from Raymond Chandler, the founder of the noir novel. I'm not going to go into too much detail on this topic, as entire books could be written about it, so let's just focus on what's important.

The thing to understand about the context to understand the Femme Fatale is that we are in the 30-40's and although she has many more rights than 19th century women, the decadence shown in these works emphasizes that she is in a macho context where every single rule of the game is stacked against her. This is something that Femme Fatale is acutely aware of: no matter how well she plays the game, she will always lose.

This is something that Annabel shares with this archetype: she is very aware of the rules of the game, she knows backwards and forwards how the world works, so she is also aware that they are too heavily stacked against her to ever win. All she can do is resign herself, play the role as best she can, and find small distractions to cling to like a burning nail so as not to lose her head altogether.

Therefore, the Femme Fatale's approach to life is this: if the rules are stacked against her, that means she has the right to do whatever it takes to survive. These tactics usually include manipulation, deception, exploitation, and, of course, making the most of her sexual attractiveness because, unlike the vampire, she knows how to flirt and use sex as a weapon. What needs to be kept in mind here is that for this character archetype, the use of these wiles comes not because she is factory evil, but as a coping mechanism within a system she cannot win against. If this ultimately makes her a villain, it's more about her role within the story in which it plays out than anything about the archetype itself.

Here's an interesting difference between the Annabel we see in Lenore's memories and the one we see in the present day of the comic: Annabel used to be willing to play by the rules, but the thing she learned from Lenore is that cheating is more than possible. As a result, her attitude has become much closer to that of a Femme Fatale, using her extensive knowledge of the rules to her advantage, going with the flow for personal gain. Her methods are much closer to those of the Hypocrite (especially since we haven't seen Annabel use her body or affection as currency yet), but there are definitely similarities.

Another thing about the Femme Fatale (when she is NOT a villain) is that, like the Vampire, she operates within a duality: an exterior built to be sexy in a somewhat intimidating way (which is why the aesthetics of many of these characters can be interpreted within BDSM culture), but with some goodness in her heart. A really clear example of this is Vivian Sternwood from The Big Sleep (the first novel on the subject published by Raymond Chandler): her own father describes her as "rude, demanding, clever, and quite ruthless," and Marlow, our detective, will have a long series of uncomfortable encounters with her. But by the end of the novel, when he is faced with the same choice Vivian must have made in the past, he cannot help but realize that despite everything, this woman would rather keep painful secrets than harm her family, whom she loves dearly.

So if you're wondering why the framing of scenes like this looks familiar, that's why.

Add to that the three layers of how her aesthetic works: an angelic appearance for when she needs to play dumb, her gaslighting, gatekeeping, girlboss bullshit face for when she needs to demonstrate authority, and framing where it should make you directly uncomfortable.

Looks are one of the strengths of Femmel Fatale's performance. And it's one of the strengths of Annabel's performance.

Conclusions

One interesting thing about looking at Annabel in this light is to realize two things: first, that many of the archetypes her character seems to take notes from are often in the role of antagonists or, for that matter, villains. 

The other is that these archetypes are quite well ordered and connected: the gothic vampire is the inspiration for the Femme Fatale of Noir (her beta version, if you can call it that), and the Hypocrite shares a historical writing period with many female vampires. From her conception, Annabel is constructed in a fairly orderly fashion, and believe me, that's a huge contrast to what's going to happen with Lenore (which I'll get to soon, but I need to brush up on my picaresque novel notes). 

The last thing I want to point out in this review is this: unless you're a Nick Wilde-style Hypocrite, Hypocrites and Vampires in general tend to have utter destruction in store for them. The Noir, for its part, puts us in a situation where the Femme Fatale, even if she wants to change, is generally too deep in this tangle to get out. 

So what I find interesting about Annabel in this regard is:

This is actually THE scene that shows us Annabel timidly stepping out of the scheme of things. She doesn't seem to want to change, in fact I'd bet she's terrified to change, but even though she's repeating her father's toxic pattern here, she's also breaking it without realizing it. 

It's too early to tell if we'll see Annabel have some sort of redemption towards less harmful behavior, or if we'll end up seeing her become a villain altogether. But I'm really curious to see where this story goes with all of these elements.

#nevermore webtoon #annabel lee nevermore #annabel lee whitlock #So this is about 3000 words long #I want to die #Spoiler with Lenore we'll talk about rogues knights and womens with tuberculosis #femme fatale #hypocrite #vampire

[sabcandoit]

as a request ((if you'd like!!)) whaat about a fluffy, soft and mildly angst/comfort in comforting noir and his scars?? praises, kisses and all

Thank you for the request! This one is a shorter one <3

Scars and Kisses

Spider-Noir x Female Reader

Summary: Reader notices Peter's scars and asks him about them. This leads to her kissing him, then him kissing her, and so on.

Warnings: Fluff! Absolute fluff! and Angst. Talking about scars ofc.

A/N: This is my first time writing angst! So I definitely don't know what I'm doing LOL. Hope I get better! Requests are open :)

You were both in bed, tired after a long day of work. You wore nothing but a T-shirt and underwear, while Peter wore just plain boxers. He laid on the bed, with you in a cradle cuddle position and your head in his chest. Peter had slooped eyes and a soft smile on, his 5 o’clock shadow quite visible, him not bothering to shave before going to bed. In his arms, you also had a soft smile and you curled up nicely on his body. 

You looked up at him for a brief moment of time, smiling wider at his connected eye contact. He smirked back and said a small “Hi”. You giggled and said “Hi” back. His face had strewn across cuts and scars, tell tale of his journeys and fights. They made him look tough and… somewhat sexy, but it made you sad to see them so prominent. You pursed you lips gently and looked back down, his hand coming to yours and holding each others. “Love?” he spoke quietly, “Is something the matter?”. You fumbled with his fingers, noticing the little marks on them too. They were everywhere on his body. 

You looked back up at him and took awhile to reply. “Your scars… how do you feel about them?” he looked up at the ceiling with a tiny grin, chuckled a bit before leaning back down, “Darling, I can’t have much of a say on whether I like them or not.” you watched him intently as he spoke, “But really… It is hard to see the remnants of my work when I look at myself, but they are just another part of me. ” You sighed and kissed his hand which you were fidgeting with, which then led to you kissing his scars on his chest, closing your eyes in reverence. He watched you with widened eyes, thinking about how much he loved you. 

After a while of this kissing, you stopped when he put one hand on your chin and brought your face up to look at him. In a deep and quiet voice, smooth as chocolate, he chuckled, “I am glad that you seem to like me anyways,”. Your faces were inches apart, him smirking like a fool and you with watchful eyes on his lips, a flirty atmosphere coming back into play. “Oh, yes, I do,” you whispered back as the space between you closed and you kissed slowly and lovingly. You both backed apart and Peter smiled, his eyes half-lidded again before you both fell asleep.

TAGS: @kairiscorner @miguelswifey04 Hope y'all like it!! <333

(Let me know if you want to be tagged in my fics!)

#spiderman noir #spidernoir #spider man noir x reader #fluff #atsv x reader #atsv #itsv #fanfic #tumblr #pet names #angst #into the spider verse #spiderman #Spider-Man Noir #Peter Benjamin Parker #spidernoir x reader #fem reader #omg im obsessed #hes so romantic and sweet #dead

[sizzleissues]

I loved the Paris special and all the hype leading up to it and after it and I just love how it went. I was so afraid it would disappoint my expectations, do something basic and trite but no, it went for something and I loved it.

Like for the most part the art, discussions and fics I saw previous to the airing were kinda goofy. We heard 'evil Marinette and Adrien' and constructed two evil little guys to swing around while we waited. They were bratty and overly dark and unapologetically cruel and conniving. Of course people did explore the possible reasons for them being different but we didn't know what the reverse world was like, where it broke off from our canon so we could only make guesses. People concluded they either did it for the heck of it, or that it was a lashing out against their circumstances. Whether the behavior followed them into being civilians, especially before all the designs were released, we didn't know and we made beautiful noise based on assumptions.

Then we got the episode.

The two kids weren't evil for the heck of it. They were tricked by someone greater, similarly how Master Fu told our Marinette and Adrien to use their power for the greater good, to better the world, the Supreme told them to use it for the greater evil, with some sort of reward in return for accomplishing this goal. It pit them against each other. They couldn't wholly work apart, neither were strong enough to do that, but they were never entirely together because if they worked together, they would simply turn against the Supreme. By telling them that only one of them could get what they wanted, the Supreme became a far cleverer and eviler villain than whatever Gabriel became by the end.

Bad Marinette and Adrien became trapped in the cycle of abuse they likely faced in their civilian lives. Marinette lived under the thumb of Chloe and her worse world and instead of being empowered as Toxinelle, she was trapped in a cycle of failure as it slowly killed her for ever wanting a chance at something better. She has the same capability as our Marinette to be good and to be resilient but the power of one toxic voice is demonstrated in her fall. At the midpoint of the special she knows that how fucked she is and how its entirely by the Supremes' design but she can't do a single thing about it other then finish what they came to do. It takes the hope Ladybug installs in her for her to overcome the manipulations of the Supreme. Bad Marinette loses the chance to get back what she wanted in the first place, whether that be freedom from Chloe or something in her home life but she accepts that she can improve things in a different way. Find Alya, join the resistance, carve out something new for herself. The lack of mention of her father makes you wonder and the bitterness about her mother is another open question. Is her Sabine mean or did something else happen to strain their relationship?

Adrien similarly became trapped in his grief and instead of Griffe Noire being a release from it, he toyed with his life in desperation to get his mother back, like our Gabriel did towards the end. I don't think Good Gabriel was a terrible father like our Gabriel but he was misguided. I think he likely didn't want to address Emily's death because by the looks of the opening, it was quite emotionally distressing and having to face that would mean admitting some terrible things (like that his actions resulted in her death, and that Adrien's 'birth' was the catalyst that had her killed). So he stayed silent and allowed Adrien's resentment to build. This Adrien is also still home schooled. I think again that Good Gabriel does this because he thinks allowing Adrien out into the world would put him in dangers way, since the Supreme obviously hasn't reclaimed the miraculous yet. But again he doesn't explain why, evidenced by Adrien working for the man responsible for his mother's demise. Adrien doesn't know, he thinks his father is pretending like nothings wrong and keeping him cut off from the world. Its likely that the one day Adrien runs away to school, the Supreme finds him and gives him the miraculous before he's whisked away again. Proving Gabriel right, but he doesn't know it.

The Supreme is also just fucking with Gabriel. He knows Gabriel's identity so he's using his son to fuck with him further. He kills his wife and then turns his son against him. His son who is now doomed to die if he doesn't retrieve the butterfly miraculous.

Both character's now reflect paths our versions could have gone down. Yes the world isn't run by the Supreme but miraculous has taken time to show the other ways the city can be terrible. Their Mayor's corrupt controlled by the whims of his daughter and investors, a greedy business man holds a monopoly on artists and the cities biggest fashion designer works with the smartest business woman in town to make rings to spy on everyone, who is literally a super villain with no known motive. Things are pretty shit and it’s not like the show isn't directly pointing to these things as terrible.

Ladybug and Chat Noir see this steaming pile of shit and decide to save it anyway, overcoming their personal challenges along the way. Like why not overthrow the mayor, why not take down those who don't need to be akumatised to be evil? It’s proof of their inherent goodness, even with everything they'd been through prior to origins that they don't do this. Versions of them are only compelled to be evil because someone different gets in their ear, someone promises them better "if they paid only a small price". Neither want to do it, but its all they have left after choosing that path instead of the other. We know that this darkness is in our versions as well. Adrinoir asks why not use the wish to solve everything? He could have his mother back, his father would revert from this cold mess to his distant but loving father. He acts out, plays a different character and doesn't think when he should. Maribug is constantly tearing herself apart trying to balance things and ends up abusing her power occasionally (especially in the earlier part of the show). She sometimes acts selfishly and is misguided. These aren't two entirely different sets of people, but the same set if the wrong traits are amplified.

And omg I love this show.

Instead of going, look at these two evil guys, doing evil things for no reason we get these morally complex renditions of our favorite characters. There's nothing wrong with the previous interpretation but it says little about our own characters in turn and only offers a chance for some hijinks and fun before the episode ends. (I wish they'd been dating and revealed like all our hearts dreamed but if that would have been true they'd have been too powerful and defeated Better fly in like five seconds so they could get back to making out - this lovesquare is even less functioning now)

Anyways be cool, watch miraculous

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #ml paris special #toxinelle #griffe noire #claw noir #shadybug #sizzle rambles

[spiders-scare-me]

noir hcs

(these are hcs, not actual canon so these are things that are made up and NOT based off the comics)

hc him as 19 yrs old.

joined the spider society because he thought he maybe could do some good by helping others, only to regret it later. genuinely thinks Miguel is kinda a facist.

he also doesn’t regret joining the society because he got to spend time with Ham, Gwen, Peni, Hobie etc.

he and hobie bonded over similar views, became best friends for the last four ish months before Noir quit.

quit because he generally had a bad feeling about miguel, but got worse when he referred to robbie’s death as a canon event.( https://www.tumblr.com/lildoodlenoodle/720268522059612160/if-spider-noir-wasnt-kicked-off-the-elite-spider ) (based off of)

taught hobie how to pickpocket/steal things in different places/shops before he quit. especially shops in Noirs dimension where it was easier to put something in your pocket and leave without anybody noticing.

( https://www.tumblr.com/butevrythinggoesaway/719504366077345792/i-kind-of-headcanon-noir-as-having-kelptomania-so ) (inspired)

Miguel hates him, probably because Noir rivals him in size and also questions the way Miguel runs things around the spider society.

(Miguel is canonically 6’9 and i hc Noir as around 6’5)

Miguel once asked (very rudely) in front of hobie, if Noir only dated Hobie because he was similar to Robbie. You can only IMAGINE what Noir almost did (aka assassinate Miguel) before he was stopped by most spider people who are loyal to Miguel. Basically, Noir went even more crazy because of that since Miguel uses Robbie as a way to get to him.

Noir in fact didn’t want to date anyone because of some stuff that happened, but when he met Hobie and got to know him, he instantly fell in love.

Miguel simply hates Noir, but can’t fire him or kick him out for no reason so Miguel picks on him until he snaps.

he acts like Peni’s older brother, being protective of her. she became depressed after he quit the spider society because she really cared about him.

most likely smokes, Peni hates it and always takes his cigarette from him to put it out. has dumped water on him multiple times. Hobie also puts out Noirs cigarette when he sees him smoking.

humor is his coping mechanism, example (my interpretation of the scenes):

when miles said his uncle was the prowler, Noir responded with “this is a pretty hardcore origin story” which sounds like he’s trying to make the situation a bit lighter by joking a bit.

as well as when aunt may asked if they could fight doc ock outside, he replied with “We don’t pick the ballroom, we just dance”

another one: when he, peni and ham met gwen, miles and peter for the first time, peter asked noir how they got there and he answered with “it’s a long story” only to say right after “maybe not that long”

(I INTERPRET THIS AS HUMOR FIGHT ME)

Hobie paints Noirs nails from time to time because it seems to relax him.

used to wear glasses because he had such bad eyes but now that he sees better because of the whole spider thing, he wears them cuz they’re cool.

his favorite color is purple because of robbie. (angst obvi) ( https://www.tumblr.com/lildoodlenoodle/721163033344425984/me-watching-everyone-on-tumblrtiktok-say-spider )

(based off of)

his relationship with aunt may is so wholesome. she’s against him killing facists etc, but still loves him more than anything.

his style is absolutely IMMACULATE. ( https://www.tumblr.com/spiders-scare-me/723947203857694720/tried-to-find-references-for-30s-mens-fashion-and ) (based off my own post) ( https://www.tumblr.com/spiders-scare-me/723996134618628096/no-stfu-im-so-fucking-obsessed )

i tried :,) don’t bully me

i’ll post more later if it’s wanted obvi

credits to @lildoodlenoodle and @butevrythinggoesaway for the posts i linked <3

#noirpunk #spider noir #spiderman noir #punknoir #peter benjamin parker #spiderman headcanon #spidernoir headcanon #please i tried #peni parker #peter porker #spider ham #sp//dr #hobie brown #spider gwen #gwen stacy #miguel o'hara #robbie robertson #aunt may

[688199]

Astruc’s bullshittery: Debunking his tweets

Astruc’s tweets and claims about Felix is something I would never understand. He contradicts himself, for what? To make people hate Felix?

Case 1:

Sure he isn’t referring directly to this “version”. But when the PV was made, the concept of polar opposites was established, even shown through the early storyboards with Chat Noir presenting Ladybug with candles. It may not be a curse here yet, but it shows that Chat Noir was always meant to genuinely love Ladybug.

So it proves that the concept of Felix pretending to love Ladybug is a very “one-off” idea. Heck, even in the PV, you can see Felix being quite eager to transform. Does he look cursed to you?

Lastly, the existence of the 2012 bible is evidence that it’s possible to make Felix/ Chat Noir have an ulterior motive behind being flirtatious yet at the same time not moving away from his love for Ladybug.

Case 2:

In what way is this mysterious and evil? Again, even though Felix has the “Adrien” name in the bible, it’s obvious that Astruc is separating Felix (suit wearing, dark personality boy) with Adrien (the canon one).

It is true that Felix may be a bit evil, with that one singular image of him dropping an apple on Marinette’s head. But it’s a super early concept that isn’t present in the bibles (further supported by the fact they are shown to be able to use powers without transformation, and Felix being a pure misfortune manipulator.), meaning the idea didn’t reach that far into pre production.

That version of Felix is also shown more in Quantic Kids concepts, and even then, he was shown being slightly affectionate towards Marinette (cue that image of him smiling at her).

Instead of mysterious and evil, Felix had been long moulded more into someone who is driven, confident and dark (sarcastic). There’s way more art and descriptions depicting him that way.

Astruc even contradicts himself here when he says he cannot imagine Marinette liking Felix because it’s so clearly stated here why she does.

Not only that, Felix is written to have a soft side which he doesn’t show others. He even has fondness towards Marinette. But he doesn’t allow himself to fall in love. This means he actually sees himself falling for her if he gets distracted.

Overall, Felix might have underwent a very rough patch with him being mysterious and evil like what Astruc says (though in the fandom this version is often referred to as Nathan), but the development of his character shows that there was a lot of focus on improving Felix.

The time where Felix officially “became” Adrien is a few months after the earliest bible we have, where you can see the most changes being applied to the “Adrien” name. He doesn’t have a picture attached to the description (showing how they were still coming up with his design), he’s Papillon’s son, and has the goal of wanting to fit in rather than healing his leg. This is “Adrien” and no longer “Felix”.

Based on what Astruc said, he came up with “Adrien” because blah blah blah, but the Felix we’re seeing in the earliest bible is the same Felix he was dealing with before he came up with “Adrien”. Which, in my opinion, had quite a bit of depth to him that could be written well.

So is Astruc just straight up lying/ exaggerating Felix’s development and character in order to justify his decision to replace him with Adrien?

Adrien is significantly easier to write about as he’s more one dimensional, whereas Felix has a lot more inner conflict happening.

Maybe that’s why Astruc said: “Try writing Felix for 72 episodes”. He’s admitting to being a bad writer :/

#ladybug classic #precanon ladybug #ladybug precanon #ladybug pv #felix sphinx #thomas astruc #he can go fuck himself

[kohabielnin]

Headcanons Truth & Inference Lovers

Today I wasn't going to write anything because I woke up sore and sick, but as I felt a little better, and I saw something that made my day, I decided to write a little. I removed Emma and Naib because unfortunately I didn't know much, but in their place I put Rosemary

D.M/Désire Mélodis

• If he already showed you off when you were just his employee, now that you're his groom/bride, he won't give you a moment's peace,

• He cares about you, of course, but that doesn't mean he doesn't tease you and irritate you sometimes,

• To recap what we already know, D.M is a demon among humans, so unless you like not walking for days, don't irritate him,

• His snake has great affection for you, so it's normal for it to wrap itself around you while you're sitting on D.M.'s lap on his orders,

• He loves seeing your face blush when he says it loudly at parties, "I'm sorry, ladies, but I don't want to keep my beautiful bride Y/n waiting for me", yes, he says it loud and clear for everyone to hear,

• Honestly, Mr. Inference and Gatto really feel sorry for you

Noir/Saphir Mélodis

• I'm sorry, but your right to go on missions with him has been revoked at his request,

• He cares enough about you to keep you away from all the dangers of the missions he and you were on,

• When he's not on missions or it's at night, he loves sharing calming moments like taking a shower together or sleeping cuddled together, which he says calms him down after a stressful day.

• There isn't a day that goes by that Tuberose doesn't tease you, of course you also tease him back, so Noir usually watches the mini wars that you and Tuberose have,

• Leon already liked you a lot and with you officially being family, the hawk allowed himself to get attached to you,

• He's not as present as possible, but he tries to make up for it by spoiling you whenever D.M allows him to rest

Tuberose/Jack

• Let's start with a fact, he will only stay with you if Lady Rosemary also likes you,

• His face was once a reason for you to fight with him, but after he showed it to you, after months of pestering him about it, you never wanted to see him with a mask again,

• Rosemary thinks the relationship you two have is cute and is happy to participate in it too,

• He tends to be quite protective of you and Rosemary, so it's not surprising that if he sees D.M teasing you he'll get jealous,

• He'll never admit it, but he loves it when you sit on his lap and Rosemary plays with his hair, he finds moments like that comforting,

• You and Rosemary are his treasure, so he will not rest until you are both satisfied in every way, he is a man devoted to both of his treasures

Rosemary/Grace

• What led her to accept you in a relationship with Tuberose was her knowledge of plants,

• As she is usually busy with important matters, she tends to leave you alone most of the time, but that never stopped you from going to her and massaging her shoulders,

• Tuberose likes how hard you are to be in a relationship with him and Rosemary,

• She may also end up suffering from jealousy if she sees you with DM a lot and when that happens she doesn't leave your side and doesn't let go of the hug,

• Her calming moments with you are when you are massaging her shoulders or lying on her lap, she always smiles stupidly when she sees your sleeping face,

• She likes to give you bracelets or flower crowns, because according to her it makes you more beautiful, as flowers make your beauty more evident.

Gatto/Aesop Carl

• It took him a while to accept being in a relationship with you,

• Don't force hugs or any other type of touch, he doesn't feel comfortable, so it's better to wait for him to ask for something like that,

• He's a bit shy so he'll always stutter when he asks you for some kind of affection, which is why he prefers not to speak, just open his arms or lay his head on your shoulder or lap, even if it makes him extremely red,

• Cat loves being on top of you, filling you with hair, it's her fault that Gatto ends up touching you even more,

• He loves it when you make him coffee or just pat him on the head, because it reminds him of things his mother used to do,

• Even with little courage, if D.M says something that doesn't please you, he will defend you because this is one of his ways of proving that you are important to him, but after D.M leaves, please, make a coffee and pat his head , he gave his all to defend you even though he was scared

White/Saphir Mélodis

• Let's be honest here, you being engaged to him hasn't changed the way he acts towards you,

• Surprise hugs, kisses on the forehead, nose and cheek, messy hair, are just some of the things he does,

• His owl likes to sleep on your head and that's extremely cute,

• Making him blush is something rare, but it is one of the cutest scenes that can exist,

• Let's face it, White is a cute romantic, so he goes out of his way to see your beautiful smile,

• He loves to affirm that he loves you, in public or in private, there is no one who can stop him from proving his love for you, even if he doesn't like kissing you in public, light caresses like kissing your forehead and stroking your hair are allowed for him in public

#identity v x reader #identity v truth & inference #joseph desaulnier x reader #joseph desaulnier d.m #aesop carl gatto #aesop carl x reader #jack the ripper tuberose #jack idv x reader #eli clark x reader #eli clark white #eli clark noir #grace rosemary #grace idv x reader

[thelioncourts]

I've been real absent online the last couple of months, but I can't miss out on @iwtvfanevents 'a meal to remember' because we are so incredibly blessed with beautifully creative and talented people in this fandom who constantly inspire and allow me to forever-wander in the world of Louis de Pointe du Lac, my most darling and favorite character ❤️ this won't be nearly as organized as I'd like it to be, won't say all I want to say, and I will inevitably miss somebody and/or some fic, but just know that there is so much wonderful content out there, especially by so many of the people on this list that anyone can check out at any point:

twelve days/nine months by @devotiondroid & @weather-mood daniel/louis/armand modern human au quite literally the fic that saved the holiday season for me. when new chapters of 'twelve days' would post, I would drop everything to go read it and would count down the days until the next update was set to happen. 'nine months' is a wip in the same verse and just as stunning. it's no surprise it's amazing; it's toni and it's bri, two people shining with so much talent it's blinding. and their powers combined?? oh my god. (there's also a one-shot in this verse called 'saint valentine' and my brain broke reading it, idk) now, just a list of @devotiondroid fics that changed me as a person: daniel/louis (and a little louis/armand as of now) human au quicksilver/mercury a danlou noir au that I reread a couple of weeks ago just to feel something again and then toni up and posted its prequel 'mercury' and I simply couldn't cope. the noir vibes paired with the gorgeously yearning story is just !!! everything.

daniel/louis modern human au

baby, I'm your man

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WOULD READ 1000000k of this world. the idea of it, the complete ache of this story, has stuck with me, buried somewhere between my ribs, and I'll forget about it for a second then remember and it'll hit me like truck how wonderful it is. toni................m o r e lestat/louis human au my neck, her rope solar plexus hit of a fic. oh, oh the loustat dynamics....it's gorgeous and the concept is !!!!!!!!!! everything to me and now, my list of @weather-mood fics that, when posted, I quite literally become/became a dragon needing to hoard the newfound treasure immediately: armand/louis (armand/louis/REAL RASHID) canon-verse instruction real rashid, my beloved ;;;; no but, honestly, bri has made real rashid so important to me and to loumand, she's why he exists in my first (unfinished) loumand fic 'facio ut facias' because he's just that important. but bri also just always puts into her fics the gorgeous way that loumand are so perfect together, the way they are consumed with one another's existence. armand/louis canon-verse-esque rumpelstiltskin

FAIRY TALE AU. bri is also the inspiration behind my unposted and ongoing fairy tale au because no one does it like her and this one is......oh god, the way armand is the only character that could have ever been in this, the way he fits into louis' life to be this exact character.......don't talk to me lestat/louis; armand/louis; armand/louis/daniel siren au THE ENTIRE PART OF YOUR WORLD (ONCE UPON A WINE DARK SEA) VERSE y'all don't need me to tell you how perfect it all is. I think about it constantly, I've told real life friends about it, it's everything, every single fic of it is everything. lily/lestat pirouette by @weather-mood and @nlbv/@ouizaya

it's so interesting thinking about lestat in those weeks and months of hunting louis, of how he found out things about him from others, how he got lily so involved, how she died because of it all, and the way bri and zaya took all of that and then showed the mental state of lily throughout it all, how much lestat's vampiric control ruined her....................amazing. it's everything.

lestat/louis canon-verse tides by @nlbv/@ouizaya

zaya, my love, she takes some of the sexiest loustat scenes and makes them even sexier before gut-punching you with something insane and devastating and it reminds me so much of the show's writing, the way you'll be like 'look at my family <3' and then suddenly their conversation has gotten dark, the room looks cold, and you wonder how they'll ever truly come back from it......... god shallows by @nlbv/@ouizaya

REPEAT ALL THAT I SAID ABOVE AND THEN SOME. like???? the episode 6 elaboration???????????? oh my god. it's real. it's what happened. we all know it.

roadkill by @nlbv/@ouizaya and baberainbow I think about this fic so often. the car wreck, lestat and claudia being so in-tune with one another hunting because they're the same, the way they're both aware of louis, the way the family works and fits in, the gore and beauty of it. obsessed. TIME TO TALK ABOUT BABE. lestat/louis canon-verse glass the capturing of louis during those earliest vampiric days, paired with lestat's doting as he tried to solidify his wooing, and then just -- everything else, it's all so good.

disruptions that scene in ep 7 where the entire family teams up on that poor man at their door is crazy and this fic takes that concept and just runs with it in the best way

lestat/louis non-traditional a/b/o verse lioness listen.............i'm such a sucker for a good a/b/o fic and we have a severe lack of them in iwtv, thank you, babe, for writing a beautiful one armand/louis canon-verse luna the way that loumand have been together through some of the most insane historical events will haunt me and also I'm in love with the idea of it, thank you, babe, I want every single year and something they experienced together

armand/louis; lestat/louis; louis/others canon-verse catacomb a required read leading into season 2. that's all you need to know.

armand/louis/lestat cannibalistic modern au cleave/tie by @kittyldpdl

a couple of years ago, I went through this obsessive body horror phase where all I watched and read was something that had some kind of body horror and it would make me nauseous but also I was so intrigued, so fascinated, I couldn't stop. this is that. oh my god.

armand/louis; lestat/louis modern au capillary by @kittyldpdl and @salmoncakepls

WIP. I think about it once a week. falling in love with louis while dressing him??????????? oh my god, the concept, the idea, I want to drown in it armand/louis; lestat/louis robot&android au design; intricate by @salmoncakepls

every time I see concepts for this fic my brain short circuits and every time I read it I just !!!!!!!!!!!!! the brain behind this !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the most brilliant

goat goat goat time <3 <3 <3 armand/louis prey drive by @iwtvdramacd18

HI I THINK ABOUT PREY DRIVE EVERY TWO DAYS AND FEEL FAINT. like idk what else to say, it just sticks with you and you're like 'wow they're just like that and it's insane and beautiful and raw' and goat just writes it perfectly, always lestat/louis exposure by @iwtvdramacd18

I've never actually heard of this fic, but if I had, I would assume it was the most batshit crazy thing I'd ever read......full compliments lestat/louis WIP lunacy by @iwtvdramacd18

I seriously always admire people who can write the 'monster' so well. I struggle so much with actual horror/monsters/suspense and so to read it so well done always makes me a little crazy armand/louis/daniel canon-verse after s1 gathering dust by @knifeeater

non-linear narrative !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

armand/louis canon-verse esque alluvium by @knifeeater

I see the tag service dom armand and my brain blacks out, comes back, and is forever changed. that's all. armand/louis/lestat perpetuum mobile by @knifeeater

sometimes you read a fic and the opening is the most insane thing you've ever read that you're like 'how can they keep this up?' and then they do and you're like 'oh so you're that kind of talented....okay' that's this fic.

armand/louis canon-verse

dirges by @dictee

'He had told Louis once, a lifetime ago, as a kind of bedtime story, about his work with cadavers in the nineteenth century, in the catacombs under the Parisian graveyards. Louis, half asleep, made some comment about Mary Shelley, but in his mind it was his skin under Armand’s scalpel, as loving a part of Armand as any. Shuddering and offering up the red jewels of his insides. ' please read it. oh my god.

MORE DANLOU NOIR THAT IS JUST i'll let you win by @diasdelfuego

danlou prophet. daniel just being so overcome by louis...........daniel just being so enraptured, so in love. the noIR. ily. need to reread asap actually oh my god.

daniel/louis post s1 nothing left to give you now by @diasdelfuego

'When he turns back around, Louis is still facing away from him, eyeing the coffee table as he shrugs off his coat. It slides gracefully off Louis' elegant frame to reveal a deep burgundy button-down underneath. In Daniel's mind, he thinks as he takes in the sight, Louis is always wearing black —mourning black, the writer in his brain supplies. Daniel takes stock of him while Louis stands at the edge of the carpet and looks over Daniel's apartment. The vampire is just as preternaturally young as he was half a century ago, just as beautiful, looking entirely out of place in Daniel's mundane, chaotic environment.' like imagine the whole fic being this beautifully written................................w h a t

lestat/louis; armand/louis murdery mystery au WIP overlords by @diasdelfuego and @shewhomustbecalledking I'm behind on this (work is the worst, let's all quit our jobs) but what I've read is just !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO INSANE. cannot wait to catch up, I have spring break in three weeks and honestly just want to read the entire time, catching up on this and drowning in its beauty

lestat/louis a/b/o verse WIP house of gold by @shewhomustbecalledking I think this was the first a/b/o fic I read for this fandom and it's the blueprint, it's the reason, it's everything. the way lestat is so perfectly lestat in this is everything to me. I love an in-character lestat so much.

armand/louis; lestat/louis AU gothic horror WIP rhodedendron by @blueiight

'Let the Devil tempt me not, Louis thought, as he crawled to the mirror. Hollowed out eyes stared back at him, light-brown mawkish physique barely visible, swallowed up by loose pajamas, twists slightly askew but still meticulously sectioned off.

You look a fucking mess, bruh. Hardly fit to carry on the Du Lac name, what lady would want troubles such as yours? His Mother’s voice blended in with his own. But alas he could not be, could not sit in his sorrow and forever laud the man he was not.' true southern gothic horror. the last two chapters changed everything for me.

lestat/louis modern human au dreaming put to shame by @downstairsbar

I read this every single weekend. the beginning??? louis classing lestat?????????????? louis knowing lestat's eyes are on him but not understanding it???????????? the way I'd give anything for a million more words about how they got to the last part, about what all follows.

lestat/louis canon-verse modern era WIP

murmur by proval the way these are still our louis and our lestat, reunited after everything, still so the same, still so not..............this author seems to have such a good hold of these characters, I can't wait to see where this fic goes

armand/louis; lestat/antoinette; lestat/louis modern succession inspired au WIP dirty, sexy money by thevintage I've never seen succession but I love a business au and these first three chapters are so good. lestat and louis are divorced, they have claudia to tie them together, lestat is marrying his mistress, and louis has just met armand who is business rival of lestat's and the sparks are already flying and ohmygodohmygodohmygod

#fic rec #fic recs #iwtvfanevents #a meal to remember #this took so long and it's not even well done oh my god