#also ill say we for simplicity sake

[rassicas]

random question, but in the english version of the tartar fight, pearl says something like "Blowing out my voice is a small price to pay for saving the world!" but no matter where i look, i can't seem to find anything like that in the jp version. i can't shake the feeling that i've missed something…

what do we know about hime's senpai cannon in the jp version? was ‘blowing out my voice’ just an invention of the localization team?

ignore the youtube loading bar this is the JP of the 'blowing out my voice' line, she's saying something like '...got it. ill give my voice if it means saving the world!' so its not really that different.

however, what's notably different is what comes before this.

(timestamp 1:13:17)

in the english version, marina instructs pearl to warm up her vocal chords. in JP, marina tells her to build up emotional energy/excitement/hype (テンション） to use her special. afterwards as well, just before pulling out the princess cannon, instead of saying "vocal chords ready!" she says something like "hype to the max!" to announce that her special is ready. during the time when you ink the statue, if you look up at the helicopter, you can see pearl hopping from side to side. again, this isnt her warming up her vocal chords, but rather charging up her special! it's a small change, but it leaves out a neat piece of info about inkling/octoling biology: specials are directly linked to emotional energy! this info pops up here and there in JP, like in splatfest dialogue, but in english not so much.

the art of splatoon book mentions it, but the way its worded makes it seem like it only applies to inkzooka. i looked at the JP text for this tho and i remember that this translation being a little weird and the jp text not implying that its only inkzooka that uses that kind of ink.

this art also shows the link between specials and emotions, pearl getting so upset over losing in smash that she charges her special LOL

i assume the lines were changed in localization for the sake of story flow and simplicity. they hadn't really been making those specials=emotional energy references in the english dialogue before, so it wouldn't make sense to start then. it is what it is i guess.

#asks #splatoon lore #splatoon #....i dont have further info about the princess cannon #splatoon translations #biology #pearl

[celestialholz]

So, The Harvest...

Oh, you thought I wasn't coming back for you after spending five hours on Surrendering Sunflora, did ya? Thought you were slipping under my radar? Guess again, my spicy little friend...

The Harvest is of course Brassius' other named Artazon sculpture, and it tells its own compelling narrative, because... well, of course it does, have I taught you all nothing? Imagine this guy does something straight for 0.3 of a second.

Fellow gay theorist mini Holz will be demonstrating these for you today:

For simplicity's sake, we'll call these A, B and C respectively. Now, I've commented before that C is the perfect example of The Harvest being part-Brass, part-Hass and part-Arboliva, because of its colours, spikiness and form, but what's a story with only its ending?

And so, if one must be relevant to types, so must the others.

This is, as were the Sunfloras, allegorical. I've had to take the meanings from these, as representations of their types. But I've said it before and I'll say it again - this is what artists do, and this is also what people who makes game do. They ask you to consider their minds at the time of creation, and that's kinda of my whole deal, ripping that shit open like it's a goddamn Christmas present.

We start, therefore, with A. A's colours represent the Fire and Electric types - a passion, a spark, a zest and a joy in living. In colour theory, yellow is happiness, and red is fire - a blaze of emotion. And yet, it's circled by pale blue 'olives' - in Pokemon terms, the Ice type, and a type our dear Brassie is weak to. This is his beginning - creativity, smothered by the cold of depression. We know he was saved by Hass, which leads us to...

... B. B is saturated now in Ice - the cold has crept in, the depression and illness is defining him more than the joy in art. Except... now it's joined by pink. And this pink is damn close to the Psychic type, a type filled with knowledge, mental strength, and sunshine allegories - Solgaleo and Solrock, anyone? Or, you know, a man who looks far too much like a Sunflora...

B, therefore, is Brass finding Hass, at his lowest ebb. Hass is getting under his skin, showering him in praise, showing him that he's worth all the self-belief and self-confidence in the world, healing him... which is where the Dragon-type indigo comes in. This time, Hassel orbits him; he circles the outside, understanding, encouraging, boosting that mental strength by showing Brass how worthy and brilliant he is. Which leads to only one conclusion...

... C. C is harmony. C is the man we find before us in the game, the end product of all that boosting, all of Hassel's kindness - the confident, established artist, the man who has allowed colour and vibrance back into his life, orbited now once again by Electric olives - the spark's back. They almost look like miniature suns. Imagine that...

Grass and Dragon, in perfect complement.

Where this gets even more fascinating is that whilst you can find several versions of each colour variant in Artazon, the first place you encounter them is in the central plaza - and whilst A and B host a confused couple, each wondering where their love is...

... C stands separate, unconcerned.

Because C? C is anything but alone. It doesn't need one to wonder where the other is - they're right here, and they always will be.

Just to put the cherry on the cake of this adorable saga, though, we must head a town over. Game Freak so deep in their lore mini Holz has to cross Paldea to piece it together. Fucking spectacular, you funky little company.

Welcome to the central plaza of Levincia instead, where we find this homosexual lassooing his own C on a digital ad board with his own whip. And what's he lassooing it away from? The purple - or, in this case, the Poison type.

... You know, that one type that infects, that creates toxicity. One of those other types Grass is weak to. Nothing toxic will destroy this harmony, not on this man's watch; he will never regress back to the darkness and the depression whilst he has that Dragon beside him, whilst that spark remains.

#ephemeralartshipping #hassius #hassel x brassius #hassel #brassius #pokemon scarlet and violet #... these men will be the fucking death of me #that moment when you realise artazon is even MORE OF A LOVE LETTER than you thought it was #this is why this game is glitchy as fuck #the devs were too busy crafting flawless gay lore #they're so valid

[actualbird]

hiii, first off im gonna say I love your fics, and I love your analysis of all the NXX boys, it rlly made me wanna learn more about the non-luke characters lol. (plus that one fic of yours that was omega luke going into heat permanently lives inside my head)

I just wanted to say abt the ask that wonders if Rosa knows Luke's illness is chronic - he tells her explicitly that the doctors have told him he has less than three years of life left in story 3 of under the milky way. it's right at the start of story 3, in the letter he sends rosa.

which also leads me to a question about the canonicity? canon-ness? canonnity? of the cards. I'm sorry if I'm just completely out of the loop, I dropped ToT for a bit before coming back and I have a terrible memory. but are all the events in these cards canon? because like the asker said, it rlly would change the dynamic if Rosa thought the illness was just chronic. (also I forgot if he mentioned the 3 year thing elsewhere). post-utmw Rosa knows he only has 3 years left but does regular rosa know?

I think I'm just incoherent and I'm sorry for the long ask haha it was rlly rambly but yeah that's basically what I wanted to ask.

hi anon!! first off oh gosh, thank you for your kind words!!

im so glad you like both my analyses and my fics (especially the omega luke fic gosh, it’s been so long since then, i almost forgot i wrote that HAHA)

now in regards to that ask youre mentioning, i fear there mightve been a misunderstanding! cuz in that ask, we were pertaining to the mc that exists within the Main Story Route. whereas the mc youre describing is the mc that exists within the Luke Personal Story route. forgive me if i misunderstood but to explain, eventually, main story and personal story (aka where all the respective cards, respective personal stories, and probably even the team events in a wibbly wobbly timey wimey way, exist in) diverges

to better visualize this, ive made a chart. but you caught me at a time i was doodling and had my drawing tablet plugged in so we’re all getting a taste of my bad handwriting

so if you look at this, you'll first notice how i forgot the number 6 in main story and then rushed to squeeze it in. but more importantly this is what i mean by diverging

based on what i remember, im pretty sure (....okay semi-pretty sure) that for all of the boys, main stories 1-5 has happened. this is because cards will mention dangerous/busy work (nxx work) and thus mc must be part of the team first for that work to happen. main stories 1-5 also must have happened because thats how she meets/works with (or re-meets, in luke's case) all of the boys one by one. after which, the personal story routes (along with all the cards) happens in a divergent timeline

there are some caveats tho. very very early cards of luke (and for this ask i will focus on luke's divergent personal story route timeline, just for simplicities sake.....should i abbreviate too? Luke's DPSRT = divergent personal story route timeline. Luke's MSRT = main story route timeline. perfect. that totally makes things less confusing!) mention mc not yet knowing where luke was during his 8 year disappearance, meaning that those cards MUST have happened BEFORE main story 5, when he tells the truth about where he went

barring little bits like those though, this divergence generally stands. the biggest proof of the divergence showed up in main story 9 because at that point, mc in Luke's DPRST already Knew about luke's illness. but mc in Luke's MSRT does not, and does not know as much as of the details as well.

another smaller proof that Luke's DPRST and Luke's MSRT are divergent is aaron. in Luke's DPRST, mc meets aaron for the very first time in bloom chapter personal story 4. but in Luke's MSRT, mc meets aaron for the first time in main story 9.

now on canonicity? my answer is yes

on like, everything.

barring the AU cards (like sott and gufeng cards, yknow), everything in all timelines is canon. just NOT at the same time. you can only choose one and---

oh my god wAIT THIS RESPONSE IS ONE I CAN USE TO ANSWER ANOTHER ASK IN MY INBOX, SIT TIGHT ANON 1

CUZ I GOT THIS ASK A FEW DAYS AGO FROM AN ANON I WILL CALL ANON 2:

and my answer to anon 2 over here is

i think the prologue is a dream sequence or some kind of metaphor or some kind of fever dream, yeah, but one that takes place in the Main Story Route Timeline specifically. and that something went wrong. terribly wrong, though idk what yet exactly.

the reason i think this happens in the MSRT in particular is cuz of 1) it's a prologue to main story in particular, i feel + 2) because of what we call "pulls" in this game: we use a Tear (of themis) to receive a pull of a card, which are called Visions.

all the cards of happier romances take place in divergent timelines, and these are visions because maybe it is MSRT mc who is having visions of these different possibilities that couldve happened, if only she werent in this timeline she chose, in the main story timeline where so many horrible things happen.

.....i feel as if ive said the word "timeline" way too many times to be making sense now, but theres my answers, anon 1 and anon 2!!

i hope something in here was useful and/or interesting ;w;

#asks #anon #ive said it once and ive said it again: thinking about the timelines gives me a headache so most of the time i just dont VKJSHDFDS

[vacantgodling]

Can I ask about Noi's disability device? How does it work, like how does it help ect?

sure!! so basically, noi wears an eyepatch over their eye that has a containment spell written on it (first in their could’ve been boyfriend’s blood and then a proper one created by kashmira who is jenna’s thousand some odd year old witch mama)

it looks like so: (curtesy of @henrike-does-writing-sometimes aka my writeblr blorbo)

basically noi is (after their book noi, alone and after a series of VERY UNFORTUNATE EVENTS) a vessel, so have the definition in a fun excerpt:

Noi sighed. “Humans are interesting creatures; they have a capacity to overcome their initial instincts for survival. If a Reaper takes over a griffin, they still have mating season; if a Reaper takes over a succubus, they still need to feed on the life force of men.” Jenna and Carlos exchanged glances, the same thought coming to mind. “They can not accomplish everything that they want to do because they’re bound to the nature of the creatures they inhabit.”

“So you say,” Yehna’s deeper octave cut in. “That humans are ‘blank slate’?”

“Something like that.” Noi tapped their chin. “Humans are what we would call vessels.”

basically meaning once possessed, you can essentially get a human body to do whatever you want. the issue is overcoming that pesky willpower that humans have. anyway, in a similar way that jenna and yehna end up, noi has an unwanted parasite in their body (a demon for simplicities sake but it can have a number of names) that can take control of them at any given moment and make them do whatever it wants in ways that are very abnormal, painful, and beyond their body’s limits. another example same excerpt:

Carlos chanced a look again, and the chattering, twisting, reviling half of Noi’s face was making their head tilt to the side, unnaturally, he might add. The crack of bones in their neck, leaving their head entirely horizontal sent something more primal than fear rushing through him.

and other manners of supernatural nightmare fuel.

the eyepatch being a containment spell works to essentially keep noi in control of their body like how a brace can keep someone in place from spasming for instance. it works by putting the spell over the entry point for the demon (and in noi’s case it was their eye…. you can imagine how painful that was 😬) and keeping it from moving. so technically noi can still feel it moving and clawing and trying to get out from under the eyepatch but it won’t be able to break free unless the eyepatch/containment spell is broken or taken off of them. in this particular excerpt it’d been thrashing for awhile being in close proximity to jenna/yehna and managed to get free from the eye patch before jenna’s other mother adunni was able to put a stop to it.

so i hope that makes sense but that’s how it works! i consider it a “physical disability” because it’s against noi’s will and it’s something they cannot control that causes them physical and mental harm and duress. it may not be the Best Usage of it but i also think from what i’ve heard and understand of chronic illnesses that someone somewhere may be able to relate to the vibe.

thanks for asking!

#s: noi alone #s: jenna the reaper

[fernlessbastard]

Turns out I had some time today lmao

Ok so first off, the following will be described in a language as though stating the canon, but that's just for simplicity's sake. It is, in fact, purely the way I personally interpret canon in a way that gives it more of a visual representation - as I'm primarily a visual artist, and obviously my art thrives off visual design, able to portray a story in image alone. It also obviously concerns only the characters of dsmp, and not the content creators, but I hope I don't need to disclose that and it's quite the logical conclusion to draw.

(tw for dermatophagia i suppose??? Picking at scabs and stitches)

That being said: Wilbur.

He has stitches, yeah? He was decomposing for quite a while and likely had multitude of wounds at the time of his death either way. Now, we can talk about the skin eroding all we want, but let's make it less gory and say all he needed were stitches, and his body once revived resumed processes of healing, ect.

So he gets stitched up, likely by Phil, who probably has the most experience in that sort of thing, alongside maybe Techno. But it's a spontaneous thing, and even if they had the sort of stitches which dissolve, they'd have to prepare them fresh, most likely, which would only take up time. So ultimately Wilbur's stitches would have to be manually removed once the wounds healed.

It's been over a year now, he'd have the stitches removed by now no problem.

The issue is

Wilbur doesn't care enough to have that done, and most importantly doesn't feel like he deserves to have anyone do that for him - his obvious self-hatred preventing himself from getting close to anyone enough where they'd offer to do it anyway.

But he has a different use for the stitches: he picks at them.

The scars are mostly healed now, and so he removes some of the thread when anxious or self-destructive - it's become a soothing behaviour of sorts for him.

He's opened some wounds like that, though most were left to heal.

But not all.

At the beginning he proceeded to pick at the scabs forming on his left upper arm - that's where the bloodied up bandage came from. Not that it was so bad it seeped through his thick coat - the bandage placed on the outside of his coat was never meant to stop the bleeding, he's not dumb - it's always been a cry for help. But that's where the blood was initially from at least.

He soon moved onto his stomach. The wound has obvious deep significance, and feeds perfectly into his self-punishing sulking, reminding him of his own mortality in both a soothing and a distressing way.

Nonetheless, most of the stitches remain, though not entirely.

The person perfect to remove the stitches that are left and help Wilbur's disrupted wounds heal is Quackity.

It's not even about the romantic implications of the action, but rather with him as Wilbur's foil it only makes sense.

Wilbur hurt a lot of people. Namely Tommy, Niki, Ranboo, Tubbo, Fundy - they need to forgive him. Well, not need - can, if they feel it's adequate. But the forgiveness is something they can give - not the other way around. There was a power imbalance in those relationships, and so they can't be equals now either - not entirely. Wilbur, no matter now mentally ill, has to be the one to make up for hurting those people.

With Phil I believe it's Wilbur who'd have the right to forgive. I will remain a c!Phil apologist to a degree - he never wanted to hurt his son, he didn't have the whole story, but that doesn't excuse negligence, only explains it, and nonetheless there's clearly some deeper issues that - as the father - he has the responsibility to address and reach out to Wilbur first.

But Quackity?

With Quackity he's on equal footing.

They both did shit they shouldn't have, but their "hurting and being hurt by" narratives don't revolve around eachother the same way they do around other people. They reflect eachother's deepest issues and pain, and more than anything treat eachother as autonomous human beings, rather than whatever figures they're viewed as by the rest of the server. They undeniably know eachother the best out of the server, or rather on a deeper level than other people. One could argue Charlie and Tommy know them best instead, and that wouldn't be entirely incorrect, but they still don't ever see them in their entirety.

Wilbur and Quackity are for eachother the only ones with whom the other can be truly honest, with all the vile flaws, and still be accepted as human.

Because they're equals.

They mirror eachother.

They don't need to forgive eachother as much as forgive themselves, through one another.

And that's why I believe that the moment Wilbur starts getting better must be sealed with his reconnecting with Quackity, and vice versa.

Only then, as Wilbur begins to heal, he can have the person who reflects his own self doubts but also represents his potential to heal to remove all the remaining stitches, and let the wound on his stomach heal.

#wilbur soot #wilbursoot #wilbur #cwilbur soot #c!wilbur soot #revived wilbur #revivedbur #revivebur #tntduo #dsmp #tnt duo #quackbur #quackity #dream smp #tntblr #dermatophagia #fernless rants #fern writing

[beta-space]

Hi, so I discovered jims computer 2 like 20 minutes ago and i think it looks cool. I love jims computer a lot, and Ive never seen an au for jims computer so id like to know more about it. I have a few questions i wanna ask about it, (( im just going to say JC2 in the questions for simplicity sake))

do you have a google doc or something that I can read about your AU? i think its really neat and id like to look more into it. (i think JC2 is an au sorry if im wrong) I know very little about JC2 and i think it would be easier if i just read a document about it

Are some characters in JC2 based off of background characters in Jims computer and/or a different source? (e.g, theres a police looking guy in JC2 [who also appears in Jims computer] but there are some very new faces too.

Does JC2 take place in a ghost town? In Jims computer, jim is supposedly living off-the-grid or just a really small town. In the pinned post, the "James" fella says that he is the only delivery guy in the town of Robloxia.

Is this majorly different to Jims computer? (or more like a derivative work?) At first i thought this was an expansion of the very background characters in Jims computer. In JC2 it seems there is a very different change in terms of story (?) compared to Jims computer. It doesnt seem like the world of JC2 is falling apart compared the world in Jims computer.

Why is it called beta space?

So those are my questions for now. Sorry if they sound strange, im writing this at 2am.

Also sorry if i sound like im too lazy to read more into JC2, im not going to look into it further right now because im going to sleep after i send this but i will read more about JC2 soon and i think ill ask more questions!

Hi anon! Sorry for the long response on my behalf! But i will try to answer as much question as possible!

1. There hasn't been official doc or much information given to the JC2 (yes we do infact call our concept as JC2 XD) We do however planning to make it someday? So far we just been updating on our discord server!

https://discord.com/invite/cXysVJrttc

You will met more characters too that is not just from betaspace XD

2. JC2 does still took place in original Jim’s Computer world with extra places and stuff! However, Betaspace is not exactly partaking on the game, it took some element of it however!!

3. Again, Betaspace does take an empty place of robloxian universe, so you can take it that way! :p

4. JC2 just expansion of it, while Betaspace supposedly a further explanation of some character of mine in our JC2 universe! (like a sub-AU somesort)

5. It's called betaspace because the concept of this universe is everything is in progress of a roblox game style but with couple twist!! :)

I hope this is understandable answers x)

Thanks for the question again Anon!

#jimgangtm #roblox #roblox oc #roleplay #roleplay oc #jims computer 2 #jims computer #betaspace

[sadisthetic]

I’m giving the designers objectively the right amount of credit. I’m a former lego employee :-)

doubt. even if you were, why are you taking personal offense to criticism to the show as a whole and are taking time out in your life to defend something under the mask of anonymity where you have absolutely no claim to your name? wheres your sense of professionalism? taking offense a silly small no name artist questioning a design element. in a caption of bloody fanart no less. and you say youre an ex lego employee! ex! so youre less relevant now. if youre not lying that is. you wont even say what your position was. lego employee is so vague.

anyways. because youre on anon all this claim does is make you sound like the "my uncle works at nintendo!" meme. im sorry to say that as an anon. you are nobody

by the way. by set design im speaking from an entertainment arts perspective. not the sets that kids buy in the store. im talking about sets that are Actually used in the show. this kind of design work.

http://www.cynthiahalley.com/ not ninjago related but this is MY definition of set design. aka. what im seeing in the show. not the simplified little toy models

anyways. looks like youre not done!

shakes out my hands. alright! you wanna play this kinda game? okay sure, ill play along! why not. i have time to procrastinate. you are rude by the way!

lets google that very phrase you gave here

mhm mhm! yup! that sure is the grate that jays prison was based on! but huh..... hm! im kinda curious about what the inside looks like. you know? the inside of the hold that jay is in that this is all about?

lets add a term to the search

huh! huh! interesting. that doesnt look like anything i saw in the show. hmmmm actually this doesnt give me enough sense about the architecture of the ship, so let do the same research that ive been doing for my own curiositys sake

cool..... pretty expansive actually. ehhhh i want a tour. this doesnt sate my curiosity enough. i wanna see what the grates underside looks like because im bored and obsessed with this lego show

i wont waste everyones time. an example is at about 11 minutes in

wow i learned a lot about ships. also i looked at diagrams. not that you ever had the thought to. hm. now how did the hold jay was in look like again

thats fucking stupid. in the few frames we are given of it of the different angles, its clearly just a fucking box. no depth leading to the curve of the hull, no visible door and likely no door whatsoever bc it would complicate things. a box that probably is in the shape of its opening. lets be real. this is a design that was easy and convenient for the cg modeler to make. ive done 3d work for a class. its hell. i dont blame them. but anyways. ppl who worked on this probably just saw the grates on the surface of the deck and was like oh we dont know what that looks like on the inside but its a perfect place to throw poor ole jay in! grab the trusty basic 3d cube. use difference to cut it out. add texture. and to be honest? yeah the story doesnt need an entire storage space to be built for realism sake. why would they do that for a cg lego show. lets get lazy about it, what do the kids know, whats important is that jays life sucks. the sparseness serves more of a purpose the bleak hopelessness of the pit jay has dug himself into

my point still stands. this is just a hole. it aint right. this is not how old ships were built. this cell was made for jays specifically for the sake of simplicity in both the production standpoint and story. its dumb but serviceable for a narrative purpose

but anyways so from this ive learned an important thing or two about you! you! dont know how to research! you! have only ever looked surface level. literally surface level, you saw these images of the deck and never even thought about whats underneath? the very thing ive been questioning? ive been talking about how its just a fucking cube this entire time. its just a hole. you given me more insight about ships so i thank you for that but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. youre very bad at convincing someone whos right

also you contradicted yourself. you said that "the concepts for the misfortune’s keep were done carefully" but then you go on to say that it "doesn’t require accurate research"? after telling ME, silly ole me who clearly has easily done more research than you, to do a bit research? hello? whats the truth? hm? what are you trying to prove now. doesnt need research because its "basic hollywood tropes" kay so whats been done here is nothing original because theyre copying whats already been done hundreds of times. great argument. dont get me wrong tho i love a good trope. especially when it involves things i enjoy. like jay having the most miserable time. heres the thing tho. what is being brought into question is not what HAPPENS to jay. its the fucking lazy set dressing. am i wrong to point out thats just a hole? its a hole. absolutely no deeper thought has gone into designing that. why are you so mad about it?

i do this for a hobby. criticizing ninjago is literally 75% of the fun for me. thinking soooo much about the shows i like and pointing out the bits that are wack is how i occupy my brain in my spare time. so what are you doing man. is defending ninjagos honor your hobby? get a better one. or at least more thought and consideration and media literacy. like im thinking about the show from a production standpoint as well as writing. this show has So many holes in it btw so theres MUCH to think about and mull over. a lot of stuff for me to play with. its nice in that sense. ninjago is a sandbox if anything. im sure im not alone in thinking this

thanks for the soapbox anon! youve overstayed your welcome! get out of my house! im just a guy with opinions as scathing as they are.

OH WAIT IF YOURE REALLY AN EX LEGO DESIGNER? WHY ARE SO MANY OF THE NINJAS GI'S LAPELS FOLDED RIGHT OVER LEFT? ITS BASIC KNOWLEDGE THAT IN A LOT OF EAST ASIAN CULTURES, TRADITIONAL CLOTHING THAT FOLDED IS FOR DEAD PEOPLE. NINJAGO IS LOOSELY (SO VERY LOOSELY.) BASED ON JAPANESE CULTURE. SO CLEARLY VERY LITTLE RESEARCH GOES INTO DESIGNING THE LITTLE LEGO GUYS OUTFITS THEMSELVES!!!! WHOS THE WHITE GUY WHO DESIGNED THE MINIFIGURES. I HAVE PERSONAL BEEF WITH THEM.

but if youre a nobody. byebye. i dont think you can come back from this. im done here. this was fun. drops the mic

#long post #hmmmmmmmmmmm how many of yall think this person was legit #i think theyre a joke either way #its so funny getting this ask #‟former lego employee‟ literally has ANYONE else in the fandom gotten an ask like this. god. #i only attract the funniest attention on the internet #and radio silence otherwise #anyways nobody is more invested in jays torture ride more than i am #i will not stop thinking excessively about skybound thank you im a little freak that wants blood #anonymous #asks #jem.txt #oh btw any rottmn t fans who follow me the artist i linked did layouts for the show and theyre neat if you wanna check those out #one last thing. i forgot to mention. these grates are predominantly all wood. in show its metal #it doesnt Really matter considering the shit got a makeover but its true

[isaacathom]

saw the dnd movie with my game club and we hooted and hollered and i cried like a widdle baby, thoroughly recommendable experience

my fav things, overall - i really liked that each member of the party got a scene to show off their shit. holga got to fuck up the guards in the alley, simon did the magic at the theatre (?), doric did her wildshape shenanigans to save a member of the emerald enclave, and zenk (sp?) did all the sick shit in the underdark. edgin didnt get anything anywhere near as flashy, but id argue that his bits were the intro with the backstory (which, fun fact, i assumed he was completely lying about until they got home) and the time stop trick at the end. hes so good. i almost reckon this was something a rebuttable to the 2000 movie, because the BIGGEST complaint is that noone other than Ridley does anything. (okay, maybe not biggest, but the most glaringly obvious).

and arguably the film also addresses the thing where 'why are these people travelling together'. edgin and holga co-raise a whole child, simon's absolutely dirt fucking broke and is relying of edgin to pull through, doric's been convinced to join as a way to stick it to the man, zenk is convinced to help because at that point they know more about Sophina and there's now like, Big Plot at play, which he also opposes idealogically. MWAH. like its so simple but the 2000s movie really fucked it for that (mostly bc they cut the scene that was integral to Ridley+Marina's arcs and shit (the one in the map) and they just. never explain why the dwarf is there. whats his deal. the ranger has a deal idr why she tagged along tho)

i also loved the section with zenk. like its hilarious structurally that hes in so little of the movie, but bc i didnt watch the marketing idgas. i thought he was great. hes there to guide the party to an item, yes, but hes really there to guide *them*. and edgin thinks thats a load of shit, but he was right! without zenk as a moral influence on the party, to remind them of what actually matters? damn.

and how thats sort of what prompts them getting out of their darkest hour. like yeah that hours damn short, a single scene really, but i like it. everyone saying this is hopeless, whats the point, whats edgin even done, and edgin finally confessing that yes! he fucked up! he's the reason any of this happened! and for fucks sake, he'll find a way out, he has to. i love it. like that scene got my ass. it was so sweet.

amd the whoolle plot of him and holga and his daughter. i loved the simplicity of the "twist" with the tablet - he kept saying 'ill bring your mother back', finally admits that what he's doing isn't bringing kira's mother back, its bringing his wife back, and then ending up using the tablet to save Holga, who is really Kira's mother in the way that matters????? that shit got me. like as soon as i saw she'd been stabbed i was like oh ay i know the plot here and yet! i wept! that shit got me. it was just so sincere, i think. like yeah, its cheesy, but its taking itself sincerely. the feelings of the three characters involved is deeply sincere.

aaaaa. i adored it. i had such a good time.

#dnd movie #dnd movie spoilers #i dont have coherent thoughts to be clear i just had a very nice and fun evening #i liked the characters and i liked the plot and i liked the little nods to the mechanics. the stuff re: concentration was v fun to me

[meldelamel]

Sans and depression

Cw: Depression (I talk about my symptoms in a superficial way), and suicide mention.

Today I was watching some Undertale videos on Youtube, and I found a meme video about Sans being depressed. In the comments, I saw the two sides of the Sans fandom: Someone saying "hey, Sans is not a depressed edgy teen", and someone replying "yes he is". Ignoring the "edgy teen" part (I'm not a fan of the term "edgy", I think it can do lots of harm), I agree with both sides, and I felt like I wanted to write a little essay about it and share my opinion on the "depressed Sans" topic. As I always say, if my opinion makes you mad or something, you can just scroll and done, this is not Twitter (or X, because apparently that's its new name) and I don't want it to be. Okay, now let's start because I ramble a lot...

Honestly, I think that every character in Undertale can have depression if you overthink them enough. Everyone has their struggles there, not only because it is something normal in life (even the happiest person struggles at times), but also because they are in a tricky situation: They are trapped in the Underground, unable to even see the sunlight, and working on going to the surface, and probably have a war with the humans. So every character has a reason to struggle, being it their past, personal life, or just that difficult situation as a whole. Depression is not black and white, people often think depression is always about being incredibly sad and wanting to die, but, like any mental illness, depression is more complex than that, and everyone experiences depression in a different way. Heck, depression can even mean being angry all the time! So every character can have some type of depression if you want to headcanon them as such.

People saw depression signs in Sans and just took it too far, reaching a point were they really made Sans a different character. I don't think that's fully wrong, because if you relate to Sans and him being what people often call "edgy" makes you feel safe, it's completely valid, as long as you accept that people may disagree with you, since everyone can interpret fictional characters differently. But honestly, in the game, Sans is not that way.

When I first played the game (I played it without knowing anything, I didn't even know Sans's famous line "you're gonna have a bad time", so I wasn't influenced by anybody), I did notice depression signs in Sans, since I have depression myself and I related to him. I even searched on Google to see if he was canonically depressed. When I got into the fandom and saw how people often see Sans, making him so incredibly sad and in constant pain, I could only disagree. Sure, Sans is not the happiest skeleton in the world, but he's also not dying. Or at least for what we see in the game, again, I'm not here to purposely ruin your headcanon 😂 He's just demotivated and even kind of apathetic, but he doesn't look suicidal or in extreme pain.

I had the "stereotypical depression" , so to speak, when I was 14, I was the "sad" type (I wouldn't describe how I felt as "sad", because it was a complex feeling, but for the sake of simplicity I will use that word), I had suicidal thoughts, low self-steem and self-harm tendencies.

However, now my depression looks completely different. I'm not sad, I don't even experience that type of "sad" I had when I was 14, I'm just tired, bored, numb. I'm just unhappy. I don't have motivation and I hardly feel anything, I still can find joy sometimes when I'm for example playing Undertale, but as soon as I close the game, I'm numb again, and still that "joy" I feel is very different from the joy a healthy person experiences. I push myself to do stuff, just like Sans has Papyrus to push him to work, and just like Sans tries his best to do stuff for the people he cares about. I go outside, I do little tasks, I spend time with my loved ones etc.

It's just hard.

I can't even take care of myself, I have that ugly side of depression many people don't want to talk about were you are unable to take a bath and even brush your teeth because you are too overwhelmed to do anything. And I find funny that Sans doesn't bath either (Papyrus does, for example), at least not often, and you can't see him changing clothes, and when you're depressed even dressing up can be difficult, so there's that.

I'm not suicidal, I don't enjoy life but I'm hanging on and I really don't think about killing myself, I really feel like I don't care about anything really.

So yeah, Sans could perfectly have the apathetic type of depression, the bored type of depression. He's not in extreme pain, but that does not mean he is not suffering or/and struggling. Sans could also simply have dysthymia, which is similar to depression, but not that severe (take this description with a grain of salt though, I'm just trying to simplify it. I recommend that you inform yourself if you feel interested in dysthymia).

Also, you can be lazy and have depression. I'm naturally a lazy person, since I was a kid, demotivation only makes that laziness an actual problem. The healthy version of me would rather to be on the sofa than cleaning the house, depressed me wants to be on the sofa and can't really move from the sofa, even if I really wanted to, because I feel too exhausted mentally, and every little task is too much for me. I believe Sans is a naturally lazy monster, and if he has depression, he just has this combination. I say this because I saw people saying he's not lazy, just depressed.

So yeah, that's why I agree and disagree with the "depressed" headcanon. Sans can be depressed, but his depression is not like some people make it look like. But well, I think we all know that Sans is one of the most misinterpreted characters in Undertale, and I look foward to talk more about this weird fanon side in the future.

If you read all of this, thank you so much and... wtf how can you read so much agsyagghsgdhs you're really dedicated! I hope you found it interesting! Remember that this is just my opinion and I'm not forcing you to think like me or anything, and have a nice day because you deserve it! 🌸🌸🌸

PS. I don't headcanon Sans to have depression, but I like the idea of him having dysthymia instead.

#undertale #sans #sans undertale #undertale sans #depression #cw depression #cw mental health #cw mental illness #undertale headcanons #sans the skeleton #dysthymia #sans headcanons #suicide mention #death mention

[molluskzone-moving]

furry tattoos are always so fascinating to me because i love seeing all that you can do with them. most people just draw the tattoos like fur patterns that have been stickered onto the body without taking into account how that wouldnt really work on fur (which makes sense bc tattoos on skin look cool so it also looks cool to just stick that onto a furry) but i personally really love seeing variety in tattoo applications and thinking about how it would work in real life... what i do personally is that if im designing a world in which all the characters are anthros (there are many ways to do this but ill imagine its something pretty generic for simplicitys sake), i will have a few different kind of "tattoos" that are popular.

the first is literally just bleaching + dying the fur in fun patterns (or just dying it if the character is white or tan to begin with). this would probably be seen as similar to having brightly colored dyed hair in our world, but id imagine its slightly more "extreme" depending on the styles. this is obviously not permanent and it will either fade or shed out. this is one of the more realistic options, as its something we do with our pets in real life! maybe kids and teens too young to have proper tattoos would do this to their fur, along with adults whose jobs prevent them from permanent body modification.

the second is having tattoo parlors specialized for tattooing on naked animals such as sphinxes or xoloitzcuintli (which may or may not actually exist depending on how you build your world and justify domestic dog and cat breed existing but thats a different discussion)... i think they could also probably tattoo other animals if they first shave their fur completely off and only leave skin: maybe punks or people really into body mods keeps parts of or all of their fur shaved off specifically to show off the tattoos. the third option (which is my personal favorite, and also the most unrealistic) is a sort of fantasy tattooing where the tattoo gun is somehow able to inject dye into the fur root and permanently change the color of the fur as it grows in. while this really couldnt happen in real life i love justifying it as something that has somehow been invented in furry societies... id imagine the tattooing procedure would be pretty painful and expensive, but would look very cool. and since this procedure would change the fur colour completely, if the character has long fur they would need to keep the patch of fur where the tattoo is shaved down to keep the design clear (kind of like people who "paint" onto their buzzcuts with hair dye: the dye looks weird if their hair grows longer, even if the dye itself is still in the same design). id imagine there are some people who would keep their entire arms or legs shaved down to show off tattoos, and leave certain parts of their body fur long for aesthetics. im actually unsure as to how realistic this option is, as my "research" (aka googling "is it possible to tattoo a dog) did not yield any results (all the photos and website articles were about either people shaving and dying their dogs fur or saying "YOU SHOULDNT TATTOO A DOG ITS CRUELTY" which is true but also i just wanna know if its *possible*)

the fourth option is also a realistic option, as its something we do in real life: freeze branding on animals with dark fur! people do this to horses and cattle in order to identify them, and the freeze brand makes the hair that grows there permanently white. like the previous option, this one would also require the fur to be shaved or trimmed down to make the design more legible, especially if it was more detailed. id imagine this would be a cheaper and simpler option that the fantasy idea of permanently dying the hair at the root, but its very similar in that it would keep the hair that grows there permanently altered. i think this would be pretty popular due to it being cheaper and quicker than other options. also, if you regret the design you could just dye your fur regularly to make the brand not visible any more. one downside of this method that i could see is that maybe its seen as less special because artists might have a few different brand they use on multiple people: maybe some groups see it as a poser thing. custom designs may be possible, but it would either require the artists to have a few different pieces they would arrange in different positions, or for them to create a custom brand for a specific customer which i imagine would get pretty expensive. also, while i was researching freeze brands for this post i discovered that people have actually attempted freeze brands on all sorts of animals, including sea lions and scaled animals which is very interesting (though the brands last significantly longer on animals with fur compared to fish or animals that shed their skin)

#i loveeeeeeeee thinking about worldbuilding and body mods #furry #anthro #might add some art explaining what i mean later #if i do ill delete this post and repost the text #imght change the order to dying + freeze branding + tattooing + fur tattooing

[elytrafemme]

Now we move onto cstubbo! Who will be faster to analyze because ive already established some things here.

hes deffo an introvert! Like i feel like this is the easiest of all aspects to assign due to the simple nature of introvert v extrovert. While i do feel like many people lie in the middle between the two, when it comes down to it there is a scale and most people are on either side even if barely. 

Anyway cstubbo introvert.

Next is intuitive v observant. I feel like cstubbo might fall more into observant here. People who are observant prefer things to have one clear message rather than an abstract one, and they are very focused on the present. They are practical and deal with what is right in front of them. They value simplicity.

Okay and then comes the aspect i despise assigning the most. Like what makes someone thinking or feeling when everyone is such a mixture of the two?! Alas i carry on!i am going to be very topical with this one for the sake of my sanity. thinking individuals are associated with using the scientific process on every day life. What does that mean? Im not really sure! However at the end of the day tubbo=science. 

Okay ill think about it more. Those with the thinking trait are less likely to as others for help or opinions on their own problems. They find a discomfort in emotions and often will override their own emotions to have a more rational response or opinion. And yea i think thats pretty cstubbo!

Now comes the tactics aspect which is even more broad, but yea. This one is hard because the actual test doesnt take into account anything like idk adhd which would make it hard to focus on things. However someone with adhd isnt automatically someone with the prospecting trait. But thats just one of the many flaws of the system and im trying my best to work around that.

To be honest i think cstubbo might be more judging and here i have a reason. Throughout tubbos story arc we see him struggling to cope with the changes going on in his life, which are all valid things to struggle with. However he refers back to how he wish he was back in the weird little routine he had before. Or maybe im imagining things idk.

Anyway for that reason i think he has the judging trait. While he deals well with smaller changes or does good with being spontaneous on a small scale, those are all things that he mentally planned anyway. Like he mentally planned out how he was going to skip class to hang out with ranboo despite the action seeming spontaneous in nature.

Okay i realize i should have given reasons for literally every other decision before now but that would double the length of this and im too tired to do that. Sorry but youyfgsdyghkfdyugbksdfuygtkrueygt ya know?

OKAY SO cstubo ISTJ and then also turbulent because, well, stressed. 

Now lets take a look at the ISTJ description. Here they are called Logicians (on 16personalitys.com) but ima just say ISTJ

They are reserved and willful. They commit to what they do and have high integrity. They are committed to staying rational and grounded in order to keep up their practicality. Even in stressful situations. They respect structure and often find that there is only one way to do things. They are quick to own up to their mistakes.

ISTJ often holds other people to high standards and can be quick to judge. Theyre the kind of person to do a group project by themself because they want it done right.

strengths: honest, direct, strong-willed, dutiful, responsible, calm and practical, create and enforce order, jack of all trades

weaknesses: stubborn, insensitive, lives life by the book, judgemental, blames themselves

this website says that ISTJ enforces conservative values like who the hell thinks political standing is determined by a literal personality trait???? i dispise the romance section of each personality. and yea the whole *this personality is usually conservative with traditional beliefs* was in the romance section.

in friendships they are very loyal but they struggle with expressing emotions. they don’t like conflict and avoid it when possible. it’s common for a ISTJ to have an intuitive (N) person in their close friend group.

turbulent ISTJ need consistency for stability in their life however they often don’t know what they want. 

okay i think this description fits cstubbo better than the first description fit csranboo. so let’s look at another description!

Truity described ISTJ as,”responsible organizers, driven to create and enforce order within systems and institutions. They are neat and orderly, inside and out, and tend to have a procedure for everything they do.”

this description feels like it fits even less, but no matter! to get more results!! i’m going to take the same quiz as before but this time answering as cstubbo! which is actually really fun, i highly suggest taking personality quizzes as a fictional character! it’s a joy

interesting enough the result was ISTP! Truity had this to say,”As an ISTP, you are curious about the mechanics of the world around you and have a unique ability to manipulate the tools in your environment. You tend to study how things work and often achieve mastery in the use and operation of machines, instruments, and equipment. You seek understanding, but in a practical sense: you like to be able to put your technical knowledge to immediate use and are quickly bored by theory.

You are attentive to details and responsive to the demands of the world around you. Because of your astute sense of your environment, you are good at moving quickly and responding to emergencies. You are reserved, but not withdrawn: you enjoy taking action, and approach the world with a keen appreciation for the physical and sensory experiences it has to offer.

You tend to be detached and prefer the logic of mechanical things to the complexity of human emotions. Independent and reserved, you treasure your personal space, and want to be free to be spontaneous and follow your own lead. You are selective about your relationships, and appreciate others who allow you plenty of freedom to do your own thing.”

I think this, if anything, is very c!tubbo. Not sure about cstubbo though. I guess theyre the same though! I am still stubborn about cstubbo having the judging trait, and i’d even argue so does c!tubbo. Like both of them like spontaneous things they control, change that they individually control. But in the end both tubs are still thinking and planning in everything they do. Either that or I'm projecting again. Am i? I dont think so. Maybe subconsciously?

In conclusion, cstubbo ISTP-T and or ISTJ-T. Personally i like ISTJ more but that's really trivial I guess.

Anyway ima try and cut this short, I hope you enjoyed! I hate the myers briggs system but i will shove things into it to spite myself! Peace and love 

(3/3)

yeah cs!tubbo introvert that one is ez

i would agree with observant too! i think that one is the one i have the hardest time wrapping my head around bc idk if im observant or intuitive myself tbh but i do think he is a lot more like practical with things. he's a bit of a cynic and a lot of his abstract thoughts are actually just a lot of patterns repeating in his head -- a lot of his paranoias are kind of just. analyzing past patterns. so i feel like overall yeah

yeah thinking v feeling with tubbo's character is hard... he's deffo near the middle but i would argue a lean towards thinking as well. he's pretty aware of people's emotions constantly but when he makes decisions they are not really off of his own emotions, if they're irrational its more due to like his preconceived notions about something rather than a spur of the moment thing. so yep agreed on thinking here

truthfully i have no fucking idea what to decide on this last one. because the more i think on it i realize ranboo is WAY more judging like as i ruminate but i get here and i don't really know? on one hand i do agree tubbo has a lot of plans set out, but the thing about him is he's made a lot of moves to have practical plans, but a lot of these plans kind of include him just Figuring Shit Out. his plan to run away in a lot of ways as we see in the earlier chapters kind of just boils down to... i've collected stuff and planned for this but after this. well IDK. so it's kind of hard to say but i will tentatively go with J here

deffo turbulent. man has not the slighest fucking clue what he wants to do with himself

that first description is actually pretty accurate with tubbo! i mean as much as these can fit they're obviously broad and weird. the second one doesn't really fit that much LOL he doesn't necessarily seek out order in life he kind of thrives off of shit going wrong and getting messed up which makes him the exact opposite tbh. so maybe he IS more P than J idk

HM OK I LIKE THAT LAST DESCRIPTION TOO... Goddammit these letters are pissing me OFF okay. because like with his relationships tubbo also does like having relationships where he doesn't feel super tied down in a way? like if he has to make a clean break and run he wants to make sure as minimal as possible people give that much of a fuck. i have no goddmn clue maybe he's a perfect middle who knows

thank u so much for these! know that an owl has been shouting outside my window this entire time which owls usually arent around here so idk why he's here but yeah!

#nightmare.cough-syrup #nightmare.ask #long post #sleepy anon ☁️

[arundolyn]

i wanna hear the implications of trinity creating a body for terumi...please let us know what you have to say because i can't stop thinking about what it could all possibly be

I THINK IVE MADE A POST ABOUT THIS BUT ILL STILL DO IT CAUSE LIKE DUDE. GOD

im going to assume. a baseline understanding of like blazblue lore the nox nyctores the muchourin etc. i can go back if needed

but like the Thing is. there are so many factors at play but the MAJOR major ones are trinity either:

made a human body for terumi, which is kinda sorta just about the pinnacle of The General Concept Of Actual Alchemy, creating human life, minus i suppose the part where his soul was like already extant and tied to the mortal plane. we're ignoring that for the sake of simplicity. as such, this is pretty much just a huge flex of hey look what trinity can fucking do. Be Afraid.

OR she made another grimoire like hazama's body, if she based it on that, since its the same appearance wise minus his ugly ass raincoat and spiky ugly hair. which would be equally as impressive, since hazama's body, presumably, took like yknow thousands of human souls to make, being a(n azure) grimoire. nbd, right?

and bear in mind for both options, possibly the biggest part of this- nothing was given in exchange that we're aware of, which is an established Thing for the muchourin, as it was made for trinity, who is a very gifted alchemist, and it can canonically in the right hands (hers) make something out of genuinely nothing. i would say the same goes for anything the muchourin makes that we see but at the same time ingame at least it kinda just. transmogrifies itself rather than completely creating a new thing about half the time. i dont think the bubbles from dream sally and swallow moon quite count hfjdhkh so plat's abilities on her own are up for debate. which i just realized kinda, i guess, makes the muchourin like... a philosopher's stone equivalent, in terms of concept and like. folklore.

all of this to say, if trinity wasn't such an extremely nice and kindhearted person all the time, she could fuck everyone UP. au where trin got mind eater'd instead of nine when. maybe izanami and co wouldve won then.

edit i forgot a few important points: this is never addressed in any meaningful way At All. and there are some weird curveballs like terumi's whole plotline in cf i think is trying to find a new body/get back to his old one (susano'o) because his is dying/died and is like actually decaying or something idk it doesnt make complete sense but its wild. and also perhaps the point about trin making a whole ass human body isnt exactly as impressive in universe as it is outside, given how big ass laboratories seem to have little issue just making all the little blonde bitches they want (prime fields i know theyre not all blonde but still) and kokonoe just like casually... made celica's body, i suppose, to put her soul back into for kushinada's lynchpin purposes. to be fair though, that does take Something, and that something is seithr, though it's like NEVER specified what the fuck that entails really cause of course it isnt

#cawing #at age 6 i was born without a face #blazblueposting #i just realized actually #i havent played through cf like at all cause its hot trash anyway and ruined a million character arcs #but didnt trin like ALSO make jin a new body or something? #and one of the stipulations of it was he cant fight anymore post canon. or whatever the fuck #which im sure mori wont even like remember or care in the future should that actually matter #but that DID happen right? or am i misreading the situation. cause wasnt jin SUPER fucked up immediately post-cp #cause of the izanami making ragna turn into the black beast thing #even tho he and mu Did kill him #how did mu get out unscathed (i guess?) #skill issue mr kisaragi! #sorry. *MAJOR kisaragi.

[femalenough]

Hi! 17 for RadFem asks

Hiii <3 sorry this took so long I have dozens of thoughts on this topic

17- is religion always patriarchal?

*Speaking from a westernern in an abhramic religion dominant area

Always is a very open term but for sake of simplicity ill say yes.

Yes in the sense that in most mainstream religions only men are granted freedoms and perks not granted to women, in both houses of worship and in the holy books, such as the ability to teach, speak out of turn, hold authority, make decisions etc.

Also in the sense that it's a pretty common religious belief that women were created from man's rib instead of man from women's womb which is just... speaks for itself. Plays into women giving the babies they create and carry their husband's last name.

Not to mention only women being required to cover and called to practice modesty. And the financial abuse that often stems from a one person working household.

It's no shock why most misogynistic men use holy books to back up their grossness and often pretend to be tradmen.

But!!!

I think this is a bastardization of what was meant to be. I believe religon has no place in government, as not everyone has the same beliefs, we must operate on what is tangible.

But the Bible calls for women to act a certain way on the basis that the men around her are doing the same. If your husband won't go to war for you, cater to your body like it's his own, pick up after himself, spend time with the kids and not call it "baby sitting", if he can't cook, if he can't take care of himself and you, if he's not traditional and religious himself if he uses porn, is hateful, then you're not called to be submissive to him, you're not called as a woman to treat him as any sort of superior.

People often cherry pick that part out.

Tradfems don't submit to shitty men for Pete's sake. And submit in the loose term, meaning follow and support, not become a slave for him.

Men and woman are seperate in the Bible and have different roles (inside vs outside the home work)

Today's men will take advantage of this and use their going to work or paying for things to coerce sex, make their wives unable to leave them, etc. They'll blame women not covering up for their mistakes instead of their own actions. They'll use what they want to get what they want.

I don't think God, if real, creator of everything, would put women below men. It's just not logical. Many women did amazing things in biblical times and were praised for it by God and his saints and followers.

I do think modern religion however has accepted misogyny as doctrine and as an institution is inseparable from the suffering of women.

But to every woman reading this, if you believe in God, He definitely loves you and doesn't think moids are better (Mother Mary sure doesn't). Jesus even catered to Her hand and foot because as His mother He respected Her.

In conclusion men are wack and everything they touch or create usually turns to shit, including religion

#gender critical #radfem #tradfem #patriarchy #terf #ask

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

ill eventually make a proper, pretty intro-post

but hello, hi, i am Kaiden-Shenandoah Knapp

also, yes, Kaiden-Shenandoah is my first name. the hyphen is optional, but you still have to type/say the whole thing. no, you may not call me "Kaiden". yes, i am aware it is a mouthful lol

(probably gonna change my surname is "Knapping" in a few years. i wanna distance myself from some shitty family while making the Indigeneity in my surname more apparent. dont be surprised when that happens. im just putting it off bc i got a lot on my plate rn lol)

(also if you knew me as "Kayleen", hi, hello, i no longer go by that childhood nickname. it is retired, wave goodbye, better to have loved and lost and all that)

this is my messily mindless "welcome to my head" blog, we do things very casually here. im making it my new Main (as of 24 March 2024). my professional/art blog is @kaidenshenandoahknapp

but the real point of this post is: i am not a bot lol

and also, stuff is on a queue (until i do a mass-reblog binge but, typically, i am on queue)

everything in my queue is now 2 post per 24 hours (as of: 20 April 2024)

ive been on tumblr before, but since this is a new Main, im just going through my favorite content-creation blogs i know and mass-queueing loads of the op's projects. (if you are one of those said blogs and find this 4 new notes a day from me annoying, please let me know; and i will just spam them all to Post Now so i can get out of your hair asap) i'm also just not good at regularly keeping up with creators' new stuff week-by-week, so instead i generally mass-queue because i assume mass-reblogging is a bit more overwhelming, idk, maybe im just overthinking lol

tags guide: (mostly for me, ngl lol i need reminders of what i tag what when i do my mass-queues)

#me - me posting something

#relatable - "omg that is so me" at someone else's post

#aesthetic - me just really liking the vibes, which sometimes just also happens to be pretty to look at lmao

#canines wolves and werewolves i love - i know what i am about. ill probably have more "niche My Special Interest tags" as i find posts that fit them

#other people's art - any individual person, not counting final version of studio work (like ill tag "Lilo and Stitch"'s exploratory concept art with this, sure, but i wont tag stills of the "Lilo and Stitch" film)

↳ #animal art

↳ #background art

↳ #oc art - is all "my original character in a canon piece" kind of ocs, not the "my original character in my original story" type

↳ there are also specifically listed artists here and there if they have influenced me/my style in the past or recently (such as but not limited to: #rvsa). almost all of them are indies with social media (aka: no Van Gogh, no Hayao Miyazaki. if they have their own fandom, i tag said fandom and not the specific artist, usually. it depends. there are some gray areas)

#brushes - the (digital) brushes people i like use

#art tips

#writing tips - is about actually doing the practice

#on writing - is the philsophy about the practice

#[insert fandom here]

#[insert fandom here] analysis

(here are the tags i chose for some fandoms that had multiple possible tags)

● #studio ghibli, #[insert studio ghibli title here] (i tag both the movie itself and studio. because sometimes i want something from the original movie, so i go into those tags; and i also go to the studio to look at overarching things since the studio has such a strong overall aesthetic/visual brand)

● #[insert disney title] (here, i do tag the specific movies and i dont just use the studio. because im usually looking for specific things this one disney movie has)

● #moomin (as opposed to "moominvalley", "tales of moominvalley", or the like)

● #my hero academia (so many different options for one work)

● #trigun (so many different branching creations from one source lmao im just gonna lump them together)

● #into the spiderverse (i dont use "across the spiderverse" for simplicity's sake, and i don't use the hyphen/space between "spider(-)verse" also for simplicity. its easier for me to be consistent if i just go "nah, its all one word")

● #marvel comics (i do not tag the mcu specifically)

● #dc comics, #batman (i tag both. but i dont tag any other dc comics property. i just know im esp obsessed with the batfam enough that, sure, they should get their own tag)

#me

[iwrite-sinsandtragedies]

Hi, I'm back 😩

Sorry for just like, dropping off the face of the earth there for a hot minute, but my life has been this specific brand of absolute dogshit that has left me hiding under the floor boards - quite literally - since mid october, and I'm only just starting to get my battery back to like, maybe 10% again now.

TMI under the cut, and probably quite a bit of a ramble;;

SO.

Life has been shit. Like, shit shit.

Like, I'm warning you now, this is trauma and abuse shit.

Suffice to say that I'm the kind of person who tends to get taken advantage of and not speak my feelings or stand up for myself. It comes from a place of pretty severe trauma and mental illness, of course, but knowing that and knowing myself doesn't make things any easier in my life really. It just makes me self-aware and subsequently frustrated at my own slow progress.

For example, at present: I've been locked inside my room since the above mentioned, mid october. I have to ration food and water, I can't be too loud for fear of being caught, I sneak out for one bathroom break a day, if I'm lucky, and I have had to work with sanitary wipes instead of showers since this bullshit began - which is fine for the body, but fucking useless for the hair 🤷‍♂️ this wouldn't be such an issue if I didn't have eczema, but I do and so I am suffering, I guess.

Why, do you ask? What has caused this situation? Stupidity has caused this, my friend. Stupid people including my stupid self.

For a bit of backstory context: Several years back, I was chased out of my house by an abusive family member. It was 30 below and I had nowhere to go but, I remembered someone offered to help me, if I ever needed it - so I ended up on his doorstep! He happily took me in as he was like a father to me. There was no expectations for me, it was clear I was abused and traumatised (I was horribly malnourished and anemic at the time) and I was a naturally reclusive and quiet person anyways. So they gave me an old dusty room and left me be.

They being him and his father. For simplicity's sake, we will call them Dad and Gramps. I'll start by saying that I love and adore my Dad. Also, I don't hate Gramps, despite all he's done to me. Even if sometimes I think I should.

Gramps is an old cowboy. Crass and backwards and poorly educated. He's spent his whole life working and drinking and smoking and driving really really fast. He thinks insulting people is how you make friends and his favourite past time as a young man was starting fights. He's had several failed marraiges and has several dozen people (related or not) that call him dad. He's done more than anyone that I've ever met but that also means he thinks he knows more than anyone and no one can tell him what's wrong or right.

He's got a lot of good and bad qualities. Is what I'm saying.

Among those bad qualities, unfortunately, is sexual harassment. Which, I suppose should have been a very clear and blarring warning sign right from the beginning but, as a survivor of child abuse and SA, my boundries have always been miles behind from where they should be. Additionally, I had nowhere else to go 🤷‍♂️ it took several months and me getting visibly angry with him and telling him about my previous abuse before he finally stopped slapping my ass but, his language towards me never really fully went away;;;

Despite this, I stayed. I was unemployed and terribly ill and struggling to get through my previous traumas and depression, so I stayed and helped around the house however I was able to make up for me occupying space. The room I was staying in was musty and filled with mice and their filth, so I had to clean the space. The big old bed was filled with droppings (inside the boxspring especially) but Gramps refused to let me get it replaced unless someone would pay for it. So I layered it up with a dozen blankets and it's still the bed I sleep on to this day. In my brain, it wasn't much different from the bed that I had as a child, so I just put up with it 🤷‍♂️

As the years went on, my health continued to decline. The doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong, they tossed around words like 'heart failure' but wouldn't confirm a diagnosis. My muscle wasted and I was never able to catch my breath, I started having fainting spells. At my worst, I would spend days in bed.

Despite all this, I somehow became Gramps's unofficial caretaker. Unbeknownst to me, his whole family couldn't stand to put up with him because he would complain for sympathy and demand to be waited on hand and foot. I can't deny that I'm gullible, so when he started his sob stories, I went out of my way to help. If you can't tell by now, my fawn response is pretty strong - I've been told more than once to consider myself before other people but, it just never occures to me in the moment, I guess.

And so, I took care of him. No matter how aggrivating he was, no matter how often he belittled me or insulted me, no matter how stubborn he was or how little he listened to me; no matter how disgusted I was at the kind of things he suggested to me. It was nothing I hadn't dealt with before so I just 🤷‍♂️ put up with it - like an absolute fucking idiot.

This went on for several years.

It affected everything I did. My health never got better because I was too busy taking care of him (and others) to set time aside for myself. My friendships were impacted and even started to decay in several instances because of my declining mental state. It felt like, no matter how hard I tried to mend things with people, to keep up face and hold things together, it all just kept slipping through my fingers - until I had nothing to hold onto at all.

In the beginning of 2023, Gramps got diagnosed with cancer.

Now, an additional note that I should add here is that his family throughout all of this was entirely absent. In those several years I was caring for him, I was calling 911 nearly once a month for his heart or his breathing or because he stumbled and fell. I was helping him get dressed and cleaning his (and his friend's who is also an asshole old man) shit and piss off of the hallway and bathroom floors. I was cooking his meals and giving him baths and sitting on his bedside in the middle of the night when he had a breathing attack or got too lonely. I was buying his groceries and carting them up two flights of stairs, I was fixing his tv and enduring his fits of anger and yelling and pandering to every nonsense request he had on top of that. On top of all of my own problems, I was entirely alone in taking care of him.

When he got cancer, I was still entirely alone in taking care of him.

When he started getting angrier, more stubborn, more vocally abusive. When his diabetes spiked and his eyes started going blind and he was swearing and yelling at me because he didn't want to go to his appointments or use a walker or a wheelchair despite not being able to see 5 feet in front of him. When he refused to eat, when he refused to let me sleep.

When he started with the verbal threats of violence.

When he started touching me again.

And I had nowhere else to go.

I tried to ask for help. I genuinely did. Which is honestly a huge blarring warning sign for me because, if I'm asking for help, I'm probably close to a mental break - and I was - but, despite me saying, mulitple times to multiple people "I need help. I can't do this. I'm out of my depth. Can someone help me." No one ever did.

It all came to a head shortly after my friend group fell to pieces. I just wanted everything to turn off after that. Gramps and I got into an argument, a real proper one where I finally got angry back, and he took a swing at me and I decided that was enough. I was done. I went into my room and locked the door and curled up in bed and did my best to ignore his threats and his yelling. I cried until I fell asleep and thought about killing myself and I continued to think about it for the next two days. The entire time I was in there, he was upstairs, right above my head, promising to call the poliece to kick me out or promising to beat my face or break my neck.

I texted my Dad, I told him how I felt. He called his sister and she took over where I left off.

I still had nowhere to go 🤷‍♂️

So now, here I am, over 3 months into this bullshit. I filed for emergency housing within the following week of that madness and I've been hiding in this room and waiting ever since. My laptop was packed up in an emergency bag for the first month and a half / two months since I was in perpetual fear at that point of making even a whisper of noise or being caught without my bags packed and ready to go. I've had one dear and solid friend that's stayed with me and helped me through the worst of this all, even despite being an ocean away. Without them, I don't think I would have made it this far tbh.

So!

As you can probably tell, tumblr has been the LAST thing on my mind lately 😂 I've only really started coming back to it in the last month or so and I have just had no energy to put towards my blogs at all.

But, I'm slowly coming back!

I have a few drafts saved, so I'll probably trickle those in eventually. OL has been on my mind as of late, as well as BG3, which is why I'm posting here again at all. So, I hope to do something with this little sprout of inspiration that's managed to grow out of my head.

In the meantime, yeah 🤷‍♂️this is where I've been, under the floor boards, hiding in the dark, and just biding my time until I can escape.

Sorry for the long ramble! But also, not sorry at all, because this is my blog and all that 😂 For me, it's nice to finally put all this down somewhere, at the very least. Hopefully I won't have anything to complain about again for a long while after this. Honestly, I'm just hoping that I get that email soon that says there's finally somewhere safe for me.

#tw abuse #tw trauma #long post #this is a lot of TMI #you've been warned #personal #iwrite posts #iwrite diaries

[ogeeitsme]

(CW - medical stuff, maybe dysphoria inducing?) A question to distract you from the current distresses: do any of you experience social/body dysphoria and, if so, would you undergo hrt and/or surgery if given the chance?

It’s okay! But it is funny that your suggestion for a distraction is related to dysphoria skbssjb don’t worry, I want to answer this question!

So being a system is Weird sometimes because the body, if you don’t have a “”main host”” is honestly like a mascot for your system— and of course you all have to agree together so you can be happy with the body and how we present it- so we can be comfortable.

Jamie used to make all the decisions- and we kind of made her make most of the decisions because she was the “main host”.. so we kind of like, “grew up” around asking her for permission for everything. But time’s changed and she’d rather send us motivational posters like a supportive mom on the side of the bleachers kshsf (no longer a main host and she’s kind of retired now, but deserves it)

ANYWAY, that’s context. To answer your question, we kind of all agree the body is like... non-binary/trans in general.

For who experience social/body dysphoria- almost everyone does honestly! Especially as fictives we 100% know we do Not look like this (though I guess that’s body dysmorphia?). Dysphoria not in the gender sense- we feel a lot, but in the gender sense- we do too. The “older” you are as a system member, the more you try to get used to it though. Chara can have dysphoria sometimes, but they’ve learned to set it aside and not care- most of their dysphoria is honestly personal and depends on their gender for the day (always they/them, but they are genderfluid)

I don’t actually get dysphoria as hard, because.... I don’t.. care?? Sjsbdjb we’ve describe it as this way before. Sal (me): i don’t care about my gender. Kris: Do I need to have a gender? Chara: I refuse to have a gender.

Based on your gender as a headmate in our system, you’re just bound to get dysphoria of some kind. The only people who barely feel it I would say is: Chara (they shove it deep down), Myself (too busy planning outfits for the body), Crowley, Jaiden.

Anyway, focusing on body dysphoria, we actually do plan on having surgery some day! Top surgery specifically and we’d be happy to end it there. It’s either that or reduction because it’s Very uncomfortable to Have These and Everybody absolutely hates it. It’s VERY unanimous, so it’s our collective goal.

We were thinking about HRT at some point, but we decided against it. We’re a voice actor/impressionist and a singer, so it would be bad for our hobby. We actually like this voice! As a “mascot” voice besides as Jamie’s. While we know some of us miss our own voice- like Peter’s and my own, we don’t think this is much of an answer. And then, while we know there’s more to it than just affecting our voice (if it does at all), we don’t really plan on fully transitioning any time soon. We kind of.. want to maintain a really androgynous look if possible. We’ve kind of accepted this body’s facial features and so on... but to change completely is something we think we don’t need (for now), and that’s okay

Sorry it’s so long! We never get body related LGBT questions (because they’re really interesting to answer. Usually you’d answer an LGBT question individually but transitioning is something we all have to decide on collectively) so I guess I wasn’t prepared and didn’t know how to shorten it haha, thanks anon!

#if i was insensitive to some things please tell me #Jamie discovering they were nonbinary and us all agreein on the mini transitioning things is new to us #jamie found out they were NB like... 2 years ago? a year ago actually #then we started pushing for us wanting to get surgery this year #from sal #ask to tag #transitioning #Ask #anon #i know that nb = trans but trans =/= nb #also ill say we for simplicity sake #when we figured out we were NB it was a good step in the right direction #but when we starte using the word Trans it was a really empowering word even though were not in the binary #the white stripe is for us... and saying ‘im trans’ or ‘the body is trans’ makes us feel more better about wanting to semi transiiton #im sorry i call it semi transition?? i wont say that anymore it sounds... like im trivializing it #ill just say we’re really excited to get surgery soon #we need more trans friends we arent intimidated by #like we KNOW trans systems but theyre so cool and we cry thinking about aaking question HSBBS #i mean more of IRL #Sorry this ask is such a mess i guess its obvious talking aboit being trans/nb for the body is Wild and makes us nervous??? god #its like coming out but Again. then again its not like we stated it anywhere on the blog before #im gonna stop talking now #edit: also it’s only VERY recently we’ve been making the body’s pronouns they/them #jamie’s pronouns change a lot but the body’s they/them and it feels SO GOOD