#also i feel kinda anxiety about this post | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blood-starved-beast · 1 day

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But seriously, your posts actually made me realize that oh, the reason Nem reads as so rude (aside from the fact that the overwhelming majority of the ways she chooses to word her grievances ARE, objectively, very hurtful and rude) is that she's the only one actively acknowledging that hey, this is??? kinda fucked up actually? Why is Mel the one expected to do what is, by any currently understood metric, an impossible task with no assistance beyond Thoughts and Prayers from Olympians and a "go get 'em, tiger" from the assorted parental figures in camp? Most of whom then tell her that actually no, I'm not your real parent, your real parents are in time prison and I only took care of you so that you're strong enough to break them out of time prison one day.

Nemesis is the only one pointing at Mel like "you ruined a perfectly good goddess is what you did, Hecate. Look at it! It's got anxiety and imposter syndrome!"

Nemesis isn't the only one to show this concern! The only other person actively trying to do something about Melinoe's maladaptive and self-destructive behaviors is...Eris. Eris who is trying to loosen Mel up in the only way she knows how - doing the House of Hades tradition of trying to bond with someone by fighting to the Death. Unfortunately, Eris is so smarmy in the way she explains that it also comes off as insincere. The sisters are actually quite similar in this respect. It's also giving very strong "Nyx fires Dusa to force her to not overwork herself to the bone". Which is, likely where they both inherited that perspective from actually. Like Nem, Eris is like "why do you care about these people?" even.

I do think Hecate does care about Melinoe genuinely. But as I've hypothesized before, I think Titans being another step removed from humans cannot rationalize emotions and connections the same way gods or even mortals can. That's a thing that's discussed even in one of the nectar convos with Hecate. She mentions not understanding mortal the gods gestures and customs like this, though is quick to assure Melinoe that she appreciates it nonetheless. Interestingly, Nemesis mentions in her fishing(?) convo and another how she understands the mortal concept of justice, evil, etc. and those things is something setting her apart from her family. Which I think is part of the conflict between her and Hecate.

Odysseus is so interesting to me. He's an uncle/brother figure (per what Mel tells him) and he clearly cares but you can feel the sense that he keeps his distance. And that's his baggage with goddesses speaking there I think. He's a mortal interacting with gods and gods have their own perspectives on things and they have the power to Hurt You if things line up wrong. Which is part of some of the themes of this game of mortals vs gods vs titans.

Anyways you are correct and I'm just elaborating more here.

#d asks #wee-chlo #Nemesis #Melinoe #Eris (hades)#Hecate #Odysseus (hades)#hades 2 #hades II #hades II spoilers #meta #Mel's male LIs are more the supportive type both Moros and Icarus #that's what happens when Mel selectively goes for soft boytoys who lay on their backs for her as opposed to #going for emotionally messed up women who will Hurt Her to help her #EDIT TO include a read more cause this is long

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geosaurus · 9 months

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Get Your Life Together AU

#kaiji #kaiji itou #akagi #akagi shigeru #FKMT #edit: updated this illustration bc some of the rendering was bothering me #if you dont know what Kaiji is just pretend these are my OCs bc they might as well be for how unrecognizable they are. Also read/watch Kaij #why did i draw an AU where Kaiji gets his life together & becomes a tattoo artist and f.t.m Akagi is there? anxiety i guess??#i've been unemployd as flck and my coping stratergy is that i terraform my blorbos #i know tattooing is kinda tabooin japan bc of yakuza but kaiji and akagi are pariahs so why not. not like he can keep a normal job anyway #it puts him in the flow state he craves but instead of gambIing away ungodly amounts of money he just draws a w ee d leaf on kazuyas a s #i put thought into the tatoos and stickers etc i want to explain them but i doubt anyone would read all that. but please enjoy the details #HEY HERE'S A FUN FACT ABOUT THIS POST #it wasn't showing up in the fkmt fandom tags for a while so i complainted to tumblr about it bc i was feeling petty #apparently tumblr looks through all your tags and all the individual words within your tags to see if its sensitive material #so i went through and changed words until it showed up in the tags #and then changed some back to see what would keep it in. and i know for a fact that one of the sensitive words was f////t///////m #so thats cool.

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floydsteeth · 4 months

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Ciel and her malewives :3

Ignore how badly I wrote trophy on rios shirt

Also the sketch cause I kinda like it more

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jankwritten · 3 months

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yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit

i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.

i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.

this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them

#this is also because i grew up in a racist area and in that culture and my own ignorance i also Was Kinda Racist #but like in that way where you don't realize it's racism until you're out of it and now feel so ashamed that you forcefully block all #those memories just so you don't ever have to associate yourself with them ever again?#(mind you I was like. 15-16 and closeted and scared scared scared all the time so I acted like the Crowd and that was awful of me to do)#BUT NOW that i've grown and am learning and have taken classes on anthropology and all kinds of stuff I just feel like I notice my own shit #like TENFOLD now #it's my anxiety overthinking thing plus if anybody ever knows I could have done anything SLIGHTLY problematic the world will explode #plus my constant paranoia that someone is always watching me and just Knows that I'm Secretly a Bad Person (even though I don't think I am?#also I feel like I need to clarify that the kind of racism in my town wasn't like. klan shit. it was like very hidden racism?#it was like. kids casually doing black accents and making jokes with racist undertones. the kind of racism where race was always #the butt of the joke instead of an outright HATED thing. and I think that's why it was so hard to unlearn #it's like that thing where in order to stop wanting to kill yourself you have to stop joking about wanting to kill yourself #this has become a vent post accidentally i'm so sorry #this is just. one of my Major anxieties that engulfs me every day because of 1) anxiety 2) potential OCD 3) being a bad person in my past #this is another reason I fucking hate florida #because I just know if I had grown up in my home town in MI I would not have been raised in that environment #and it's my own fucking fault for falling into the crowd like that.#all this to say i traumatized myself and likely some people around me by being A Fucking Idiot when I was a kid #and now adult me is doing everything in their power to not ever be that person ever fucking again #tw vent post #tw racism #tw past racism #but im better now and I know my mistakes and I refuse to make them again #fuck florida for every fucking reason under the sun

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krimiqueer · 10 months

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Because I focus a lot on body language, I realized Lucas/his character started to rub his fingers around 2018. The first time I saw it was in Der Pass (season 1, 2019).

Then I watched more Polizeiruf 110 episodes and saw that he started doing that too in Der Fall Sikorska (2018) and later episodes, but not before (unless I missed it).

So I wonder if it's a Lucas thing or something he started to put into his acting in 2018.

#lucas gregorowicz #polizeiruf 110 #der pass #adam raczek #charles turek #i do something similar because i'm an anxious mess #but idk if it's telling something about him #or if he really tries to translate the stress and anxiety of his characters #or both #also sorry for the gif quality it's only for illustration purpose not to post good gifsets #i know he deserves better #he looks so good with glasses it's unfair #kinda feeling like a creep with those gifs but i can't help focusing on body language #then it's all i see and i just can't ignore it

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girlcrushau · 2 months

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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

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pl4n · 14 days

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from a while back

#my art #rare colored drawings #even if its just flats #i feel like ill only ever post art if i want to rant in the tags LOL its awesome #sometimes theres just those kinda vague thoughts and feelings that feel a little pointless to actually talk to people about yk #its nice having a lil blog to throw stuff into :) journaling i guess #i dunno i feel stressed thinking abt juggling all the different life things. its smth i see expressed a lot and yeah. literally how #i kinda think hmm i should slowly incorporate things one by one. but then its like damn life just flies tf by and youve done jack shit #but then when im actually doing things i feel like things just keep piling up and idk how long i can sustain it until it all falls down #i guess this anxiety kinda comes from having had really poor mental health during my school yrs... maybe i still do but ahh #i just wonder when the next time that everything comes crashing is gonna be yk. it feels so inevitable but the stakes only get higher #so i dunno. ive been having a hard time sleeping from anxiety.. which gives me more anxiety... which gives me even more anxiety #im supposed to be cramming these tasks into these little pockets of time but i blink and a day is gone and then a week and a month.. a year #i want to do the things i have to do but also the things i want to do. but also REST #and ik that the balance between those things is extremely necessary.. bc losing that balance is exactly how shit hits the fan #hows anyone gonna manage that?#but i guess learning to do that is what life is all about.... lmfaooooooooooooooo #time keeps slipping man i hate it #ill keep trying tho ✌️ all i can do

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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Being high energy while sick feels insane. Like my brain is telling me I should lay down and rest but is also telling me I should run around in circles and break things.

#i think im getting better tho. i mean i still can feel my warped sickyness but idk my hormones maybe have me all fucked up #but like i told my mum i get these insane little hypomanic-esque episodes and she was immediately like could b ur hormones #i know a number of ppl like that. and i was like YES. thats obviously what it is but nothing comes up when i try to google things abt it #so there must b others out there. and it also implies that theres sometimes fucked up about my serotonin receptors bc when im like kinda #positively disregard i feel happy and i never feel happy. my typical emotional state is indifferent and apathetic #and then dips into light misery and very miserable but not like clinically depressed. but i was even like that while on vacation so even #removed from the stresses in my life i still am not happy. which is y its so hard when ppl r like do what makes up happy. relax #and im like. ok but like nothing works??? its either fucked up hormones or my lantent anxiety just keeps me from being happy #but whatever. im gathering so much data. when i go see a doctor im gonna pull out a spreadsheet and graphs and notes like a lunatic #bwahhh i wanna run. i have too much energy. fuck being sick. fuck having to work on a day off. fuck this #also fuck my menstrual cycle for being so short. like so short its sometimes not listed with the healthy range but only sometimes #just to make me think. i should probably talk to a doctor but. like its probably fine. its consistent so its fine #annoying. annoying. got u can tell when out of wack bc i post too much and cant shut thr fuck up lol #unrelated

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heartbeetz · 8 months

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I should interact with / talk to my mutuals more. You're all swag I'm just not good at socializing with people I'm not already close to. If you ever wanna say things at me you are allowed 👍♡

#I get shy about sending asks and stuff bc The Autism And Anxiety. but I'm chill I prommy #also I dont rb a lot of people's ship art bc I tend to TRY to keep this blog personal on purpose #and bc I'm awkward. I don't rb others' ships so I feel like if I ever rb someone's it'll seem like I'm giving special treatment #I could solve both issues by making a separate blog just for that. but it feels weird lol #but maybe I will at some point?#idkkkk #I feel like the way I participate in selfship is a lot more Self oriented. I kinda stay out of the greater community #and *I* dont mind that. I like being a small blog and I like having a space for myself to just do my own thing #but I also understand the way that makes me come off lol #anyway. whatever #roz posts

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steakout-05 · 2 months

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eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P

additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly

#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it #and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website #as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people-#-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were-#-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered #also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it #this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone-#-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious #i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :(#i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles #it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on-#-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help.#unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that-#-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also-#-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes-#-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything''#and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think-#-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me''#and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point #be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying #and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child.#be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo #if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows-#-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like #trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you #social anxiety #anxiety disorder #i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11-#-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me #anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y

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vanillabat99 · 3 months

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I booked an appointment with my doctor for early April!! I highly doubt the bump will go away by then, as it has been there for a couple months. If anything it seems to be getting worse ._.

There's nothing on the surface of my skin where it is, it's not in a spot that would make sense to me for a muscle injury, it's firm, and it's painful. I have no idea what could've caused it. I need to get some sleep before I start panicking over "what if" scenarios... I really hope it's nothing serious :(

#listen. not to alarm anyone. but ive kinda had a gut feeling about what it is. and i very much want to be wrong 👍#also. i have severe anxiety. it is highly likely this is just a cyst or something and im simply having a Moment.#at least i booked an appt 😭#i have had a sinking feeling for like over a year about my health. really hope its not true.#(do not panic. i am mentally ill and so so sleepy rn. just wanted to post in case i need to look back on this later.)#batty blogging #text

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sureuncertainty · 5 months

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at least now i've gone through an important tumblr rite of passage, watching a longtime mutual become a radfem :/

#the thing that really got me was that they were talking about their morality ocd triggering them about it #bc of the way tumblr and the internet in general has this black and white approach to things #and one of those i guess was 'transphobes = bad' which like. is not what i'm ever talking about when i say that things have more nuance #that said i DO think that the way this website prioritizing hating terfs over supporting trans people is kinda gross #but anyway this person was so anxious about it and it just was depressing bc i related to that #they were SO afraid of losing friends or being cancelled over it and i was just like damn i wonder if all terfs are that miserable #but they acted like they just had no choice but to believe this 'thing' that they constantly alluded to but never talked outright about #which i am pretty sure now is just that they're a radfem or at least believe in a lot of radfem ideologies #and honestly? i go back and forth between genuinely feeling so bad for them and being like well that's what you fucking get #i wish i'd had the courage to talk to them about it but whenever i thought about it i got immeasurable anxiety #sorry for the very long tag ramble i just haven't been able to talk about this and it's been eating ME up too for a long time #i just feel horrible. i know in the past they've mentioned too how they want people to tell them why if they unfollow/block them #but i can't. i cannot. and then i'm afraid of just feeding into their victim complex by doing this #i just can't win. and it's like. i'm trans i am literally affected by their bigotry that they're acting like is just not even a choice #ALSO I REMEMBER HOW THEY MADE A POST ONCE ABOUT HOW PEOPLE IRL DON'T TALK ABOUT TRANS STUFF #LIEK IDK WHAT PLANET YOU ARE LIVING ON MY DUDE BUT I HAVE LIKE 5 TRANS COWORKERS AND EVERYONE IS VERY NORMAL ABOUT THEM #like maybe YOU live in a bad area #but you're just a really loud minority #anyway. yeah. just. oof.#still feeling some kind of anxiety about it #win rambles

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yandereshingeki · 4 months

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if i had the confidence to post more on main you guys would never hear the end of me

#looks at my side account #Idk my side is where I reblog all my stuff but….. WAAA i kinda wanna reblog more stuff on here and be more active and actually talk about #life w/out feeling annoying #cause I got a lot goin on!!!!#but i feel guilt posting about anything other than aot or some annoying update abt why im being so slow with writing rn sijejaej #Idk the amount of followers is just intimidating agsgdjahej (not even thatmany really)#i just got anxiety. real bad. big sigh #also hiding this in the tags lolll but…. ive really wanted to talk about how im going on a date on thursday with guy fella!!!! AN ACTUALDATE #im so excited

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stillinthatweirdfaze · 5 months

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Thinking about how I only learned that I had, in fact, had anxiety and panic attacks before when I went to the doctor because I passed out from one. I have now learned that I have been having anxiety attacks for my whole life and just didn’t know because so one wanted to explain shit to me.

#This is not a vent post. Just genuinely think it’s interesting and that we need to yknow #Explain how attacks happen and what they feel like so people know when they’re having them #I “knew” what a panic attack was but I didn’t think I was having them because I wouldn’t hyperventilate or run around with nervous energy #it’s actually the opposite with me. I just kinda. Fully shut down like stop dead in my tracks and look forward and forget to breathe #Also I thought I wasn’t having panic attacks because it wasn’t like. Out of the blue. Something would make me upset and it would just build #Untill I eventually had an attack #Little did I know THATS WHAT AN ANXIETY ATTACK IS #WOWWWWWWW #I thought what I was experiencing was normal I thought that’s just what being nervous was lol #I thought getting so upset over little things to the point of crying and shaking and being completely disfunctional was #What being nervous was #Anyway I was looking up what to do as a person who faints when having attacks sometimes and #The language used was like “if you have anxiety attacks it technically can make you pass out but don’t worry because it barely happens”#Well 🧍‍♀️#The rarest thing about me is the fact I take a bad nap every time my brain decides to go into emergency shutdown :[

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that-foul-legacy-lover · 2 years

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mmm i would,,, very much like someone (cough Foul Legacy cough) to pick me up and hug me and hold me close and let me just forget everything i worry about for a bit

yes. i’d like that very much

#hush n shush wifi #what even is this like.#is it a ramble??? a really short one????#gah i dunno but it exists and it's what i'm feeling right this second #ok so from friday till basically now i've been absolutely drenched in anxiety and it refuses to go away #so i kinda just want my comfort moth abyss monster to hold me right now #it's like the minute i stop worrying about one thing my brain goes 'ok time to worry about a DIFFERENT thing'#and it's getting really annoying but i also feel like collapsing into a little anxious puddle #trying to get some comfort via fics and stuff but. man. there's basically no foul legacy comfort n that makes me sad :(#sorry i really am rambling it's a habit when i feel nasty #umm send brainrot or something please it'd be. really nice honestly #might not post much tonight if i can't pull myself together #maaaan the week just started but the weekend tired me out from being nervous 24/7 #maybe delete later #on this episode of wifi puts their emotions into the tags

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the-kipsabian · 1 year

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im gonna complain sorry i need to get this out of my brain since ive been thinking about it recently. leaving it in the tags so you can ignore it or whatever

#i just. feel like im missing out on everything recently #everyone else is having fun with each other and their friends and im just. here for no reason #timezones fuck me over so intensely on like a daily basis and its so fucking sad like #the society is demanding me to be a responsible human being which means sleeping - and while i do that everyone else has fun #yall get to watch things together. yall get to chat about things together. yall get to do shit in real time #like im not blaming anyone for having fun good for you im glad youre enjoying yourselves and everything!!#but also i just. feel left out. and its very stupid but im stupid and so is having to sleep and i never get to do anything fun cause of it #i never get to watch stuff live. i never get to participate in anything. and when i maybe do its an anxiety situation so i have to pass #i think thats why wrestling is rn a very sore spot for me. i havent really watched anything in a while cause i feel so left out #like im always behind. and i know it shouldnt matter but when i see everyone interacting with live blogs and such and i know i cant do that #and theres no point doing that afterwards #and the only things i can reasonably live blog are things that nobody else watches or cares about and im just #mostly anyways i only put my time and effort into something that only i care about #and im not gonna lie it kinda hurts. like ofc i cant ask anyone else to care but i just feel so fucking lonely sometimes #sorry im just. not in a good spot. honestly i probably never will be cause none of this is going to change cause i cant change it #and i cant and wont ask anyone to change it cause thats not good or fair or anything to anyone #i shouldnt even post this this is so stupid and im such a stupid little baby but im just...#im so fucking lonely sometimes and i see everyone else being able to do things and have fun and enjoy themselves. without me #im so lonely and im so jealous and it just fucking sucks okay #im gonna go now. im sorry #night is an absolute mess on main

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