#also I’m still not emotionally available actually lol
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Sam SFW Alphabet
SFW Alphabet requests CLOSED
Bold = complete
Italicized = available
crossed out = in progress
Remaining: none!
Snail’s directory
A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
Sam is so affectionate like who says the homies can’t hold hands or cuddle? Literal golden retriever boy, shows affection by laying all over his friends and loved ones. He also will pick up any cool rocks or shells he finds to bring them to his partner. Always brings wildflowers rather than a purchased bouquet.
B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)
Sam decides he’s friends with someone and then you’re friends. He is the extrovert adopter of introverts. He collects them like Pokémon. He’s the kinda guy who’s easy going and can talk to anyone. He makes a deeply loyal friend and is always on deck when you need cheering up.
C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
Sam is super into cuddling but he’s a little wiggly and a little chatty. He’s got a lot of energy that makes him unable to sit still for lots of cuddling. (Unless you like to be bounced as he shakes his leg lol). But his favorite thing is to cuddle while he plays video games and you do your own activity.
D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)
Sam does want to settle down eventually, but he is a little hesitant at doing it too soon. That’s more on the commitment side of domesticity—this boy can cook and clean but his success can be inconsistent. He’s easily distracted and tends to try and do too many things at once.
E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
He wants to just rip the bandaid off and get it over with as fast as possible. He’s gonna be upset even if it’s mutual or it’s what he wants. Unless it was really gnarly he’d want to remain friends after because he’s got abandonment issues and a deep seated fear of being left and unloved.
F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
Does Sam want to get married and be a dad and have a family? Absolutely. But he has a hard time conceptualizing the future (I hc him as having adhd and my credentials are that I too have adhd) so it always seems like something that’ll happen in the distant future until literally he’s being handed a mermaid pendant and tripping over his words in absolute joy to accept.
G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
So gentle emotionally but a little rough physically. Not mean, just a really physical kinda person who likes to pick his partner up or flop on them or jokingly wrestle.
H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
King of hugs. Not only is he a hugger but Sam gives the best hugs, I’m talking both arms and squeeeeeeze. He sways side to side too and might give you a lil shake for extra affection.
I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?
Sam actually holds off for a while due to his parents. He’s heard his mom say more than once she wishes that she’d have waited to have kids—that she’d really thought about what it would mean to be a soldier’s wife. Even though his stakes are lower, he still hesitates because marriage wasn’t a super duper positive thing growing up.
J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
He’s pretty easy going, but he does get jealous. Usually he’ll go to Sebastian or Shane for advice (very different kinds of advice lmao). He’s been the man of the house on and off for his whole life and all that parentification made it hard for him to address or prioritize his feelings. He might get a little snappy and then feel bad after.
K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
Sam’s kisses are like sunshine—he’s very sweet and affectionate. He loves to hold his partner and kiss them all over their face rapid fire.
L = Little ones (How are they around children?)
Sam is an expert, five star older brother. Shane and Marnie both trust him to watch Jas. He’s so good with kids in part because he treats them like people and is good at communicating on their level. The king of convincing a kid something was their idea to get them to behave.
M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)
He loves to sleep in but once he’s awake he is AWAKE. Sometimes he can be a little overwhelming if you’re not a morning person but he’s good at keeping himself busy so he doesn’t disturb a less chipper partner until they’re ready to be coherent.
N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)He’s a cuddler but he’s also a furnace. When he falls asleep it’s like he just turns into a space heater and is radiating. He also sleeps all over the place and moves around quite a bit. Loves to spend some time sitting in bed before sleeping to talk.
O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
Sam says things as they occur to him, which means one second he’s info dumping about the history of skateboarding, and the next he’s dropping his tragic backstory. It comes in bits and pieces, but there’s not a deliberate withholding.
P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)
Sam is laid back and good with kids, he’s super patient. It’s rare he gets actually angry but he will get frustrated. When that happens he gets snappy and sarcastic. He’s not outright mean, but it’s not pleasant to be around. He’s the kind of person that if you call him on it he does stop immediately.
Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
The things that Sam remembers are often hit or miss–-his partner’s favorite food? Yeah. Their allergies? Totally? Their birthday? Well, he’s probably at least got the month right. He remembers his partner’s habits–the things that he sees everyday. He’s really observant and puts that to good use in a relationship.
R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
It’s the time his partner let him teach them to skateboard.This isn’t a one time only event, but there was a specific time where his partner skated from Pierre’s to his house all by themselves (with him within arm’s reach should something go awry). They looked so proud of themselves and they were so excited to be involved in his hobby. They absolutely ate shit not a minute later but Sam caught them! No injuries were had, they celebrated with ice cream.
S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
Sam’s a lover, not a fighter. He’s very protective of his partner and his feelings, so most of his protection is emotional. He’s so loyal that it’s impossible not to feel secure in a relationship with him. He doesn’t think he needs protection, but his partner absolutely will go for the throat of anyone who wants to take away some of Sam’s sunshine. This is also a role Sebastian, Abigail, and Shane had taken on. (I hc that Shane and Sebastian are work besties who end up hanging out at the saloon whenever they’re both there.
T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
Sam tries really hard but dates and time and planning are all very hard for him to manage. He’s much better with everyday tasks and gifts. I said it before and I’ll say it again: this man brings you cool rocks.
U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
He’s perpetually late and kind of really messy same.
V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
Nobody who doesn’t care about their appearance has hair that so completely defies gravity. Half of being a rockstar is having a lewk—Sam takes this very seriously both on and off the stage. It’s more about having a vibe than looking “good” exactly.
W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
Look, Sam is fine he’s a whole person on his own yeah, yeah yeah. But he is NOT going to be brave about it.
X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)
He’s always missing something. Like at all times something is lost and he is looking for it. He’ll usually find it but it’s like every couple of days—CDs, keys, his phone, his headphones, Sebastian (He and Abigail left him at the mall once on accident)
Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
He doesn’t like people who make disliking children a personality trait—or disliking anything as a personality trait honestly. Liking things is cool! Cringe is dead! He’s ecstatic to find someone into the same weird indie band he likes! Enjoy things! Humans are cool!
Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)
Sam has exactly two modes: awake and asleep. When he’s sleeping he is gone, out for the count, unwakeable. When he is awake he is going, he is moving, he is grooving. There is no in between
#stardew valley#sdv#sdv sam#stardew sam#sdv sfw alphabet#sam sfw alphabet#sunshine man wants to teach you to skateboard#sfw alphabetm
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like: “#idk what this is about but #ladies you can top a man without putting stuff in his ass if he doesn’t want that #i do it on a fairly regular basis”
at this point it just feels homophobic to me. yes, you can still TOP someone without having that icky gay anal sex!! it’s about queer tenderness. not just two guys going at it 💕💞
where to be clear my question is like—okay so if you’re not talking about the thing that is most broadly associated with the term “topping”—then—why are you using the term? what affective associations does it have for you? what ‘work’ is it doing for you? why not use the readily available “domming” or “riding”? why specifically use language that is almost unilaterally associated with gay men & anal sex if you’re going to express distance (of whatever kind) from the actual practice of anal sex? (the phrasing of “putting stuff in his ass” is so—weirdly dismissive?)
on the one hand this is just semantic drift, which is a common type of linguistic change. “topping” can go from “penetrative role” to “associated (for that reason) with a dominant role” to “a dominant role” pretty easily. but on the other hand, a mere categorisation of what TYPE of linguistic change is going on (“semantic drift”) is not the same thing as a hypothesis about the driver of or reason for that linguistic change (which is always going to be speculative). and the reason why this term is used to mean any given thing at any given time is going to be different for different people and (generally speaking) different groups.
I’m thinking about e.g. Kadji Amin’s call to—rather than argue about what “queer” actually means or originally meant—instead produce a more robust hypothesisation of what it does affectively (that is, roughly, emotionally) for any given person or group at any given time. what connotations and associations does it have? which of these are picked up from what most people assume to be its “original” meaning, and which are picked up from political or social changes, uses, or organising in other contexts? which of these connotations and associations are mobilised by any given person in any given context?
and that’s my reservation with people who seem to (I hypothesise) use “top” and “bottom” terminology because its association with gay men (and lesbians but like—lol) gives their practices a sort of edginess, while also expressing ignorance of or distancing themselves from what this terminology means in terms of penetrative role. it’s helpful to me to frame it this way because I know I have a sense of instinctive pushback against terminology changing (like my immediate reaction to “ladies you can top a man without putting stuff in his ass” is “no you literally cannot?”)—so to step back and ask “why is this term used this way in this context” is more likely to be productive.
disclaimer that there is so much more complicated stuff going on with “top” and “bottom” terminology that is broadly talked about within the gay “community” (assumptions about genital configuration, assumptions about race, conversations about dominance versus submission, conversations about misogyny-inflected anti-bottom sentiment, the phrenology of top-and-bottom-as-personality-type)—but that is beyond the scope of this post, which is about what heterosexually partnered people might use top and bottom terminology “for”
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Hiii 👋 I just wanted to say I’ve been a fan of your blog since the good ole Downton Days and I’m so chuffed you’re a ACGAS fan too! Tbf right now the fandom is super down in the dumps (me included). How are you remaining so positive since Audrey x Gerald development in the Christmas Special?
Hi Anon! Thanks for your message, and happy holidays! So nice to hear from our old Downton Abbey crew again, I think a lot of us migrated here.
To be honest, there are a few reasons I’m not worried. (Sorry, it’s long).
1) Because I honestly love Siegfried and Audrey as friends and surrogate family. Their bond is special and beautiful, whether or not it ever becomes romantic. (Although I hope it does). They are life partners, involved in all the most important parts of each other’s lives. They have coparented Tristan (and James and Jess), they’re each other’s confidant and source of comfort. That’s special in and of itself.
2) Because I actually think they’re playing the (really, really) long game with them. I could be wrong, but that seems to be what the writers are doing. It seems quite intentional. 3 years on screen together may seem a while for some, and I suppose she’s been his housekeeper for around 7 years so it feels like ages. But imo, the best slow burns imo are the ones where you’re never quite sure if they will or won’t. It’s the little crumbs they leave scattered here and there, it’s the longing looks and angsty build up that makes it so delicious tbh. I just hope they get renewed for enough seasons to see it through. (Plus I am a Carson & Mrs Hughes fan, so 3 seasons doesn’t feel that long! Lol)
3) And lastly, because I don’t actually think they’re ready to be together yet. They’re still in the process of getting there.
Siegfried has probably had to longest way to go, in terms of being emotionally ready to realise, admit and accept that he has feelings for his housekeeper. In Season 1, he opened himself up to intimacy and the possibility of love again. He did that with Dorothy and then Diana, (although who knows why she’s been such a non-entity this last season. Maybe the actress wasn’t available?) And now, at the end of S3, he literally just resolved one of his biggest character arcs - his complex relationship and feelings for Tristan (and even then, only with a lot of encouragement and support from Audrey). He’s emotionally levelled up.
Now, I think it’s Audrey’s turn. Gerald befriending her/ pursuing her has allowed her to imagine she could be with someone again, after leaving her husband. It helps her relationship with Edward is also on the mend, since that’s been a source of so much guilt and pain for her. As for her feelings toward Gerald, they do seem to have deepened somewhat suddenly. I know some people said it felt very out of blue considering she had friendzoned him. But maybe she liked him all along and simply didn’t feel she could be more than friends, much as she wanted to. Or maybe it was brought on by the war, and him moving away. Either way, I think he’s a good man, simple and uncomplicated, which is just what she needs as she’s testing the waters of romance again. I think he’s also serving as a catalyst for Siegfried to realise the depth of his feelings for Audrey, which is v exciting imo.
Siegfried is also a good man, but things with him are as ever, more complicated. Their status as employer and employee, and long time friends also raises the stakes a lot more. Considering she’s a lot more self-aware, I think Mrs Hall knows she might have certain feelings for Siegfried (seemed a bit disapproving / jealous of his relationships) but I don’t think she has considered it could go anywhere. I feel that this budding relationship with Gerald will be pivotal in a shift between them. It might motivate her to get her divorce from Mr Hall, and resolve that source of pain from her past, too.
TL;DR All that said, I think they’re getting where to need to be, and I think we should enjoy the journey. It’ll be all the more sweet if and when it happens.
#acgas meta#anon#ask#siegfried farnon#audrey hall#siegfried x audrey#acgas s3 spoilers#acgas spoilers#all creatures great and small 2020#tq Anon for letting me ramble
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Clone high season 2 live blogging
Episode 6
:( the dinner is going to be sold
Yeah I can see why some people don’t like the dinner because of the racial segregation….
Did some guy just buy to eat the dead wife????
👀 disabled Joan!??? Let’s goooooo!!!!! Detective Joan!!!! Awe cute Joan had a cat <3
“Psylly legs is build up nostalgia the legs get psylly”
….So Joan is just stimming???? (I thought she’d had restless leg syndrome)
If people bullied Joan because of her medical stuff, why didn’t Joan help Ghandi when people hated on him for his adhd? Also man does this town have an ableist history…..
Blood pack!!!!! Same big mood with the doctor not handling blood 😩
Yay Joan’s weird French films!!!! DAVID FUCKING TENNANT???!!!!!! <3 ohmgggg I love him as 10
Heyyy trash Mandy Moore lady is back!! :0
Did I meant I love the colors in this show? I do…
Noooooo jfk cheating on Joan? Wait…or not? Hmmm I feel like kissing another girl is bad…..FUCK is this is Total Drama and the Bridgette and Geoff scene >:( damn it!!! (Yes I know that they are 2 different shows but listen……hyperfixation™️ also my mom thought CH was TD lol)
Yay jfk and Harriet told Joan the truth….oh no Joan is going through so many emotions and drinking :0 hmmm 👀 (idk why but the little montage of Joan going rapid through different emotions feels like something bpd???)
Episode 7
Confucius parents took his sister to Bali but not him :( awwww his family didn’t care if he got lost in the dessert. Man Confucius family sucks, no wonder he tried to hard to be popular online, he just wanted attention :(
:( Abe and Joan army friends anymore noooo. Damn. Abe lost Joan and Ghandi, this dude is going through it….
My favorite background clone is Cathrine the Great, I think her design is so cute <3
The bus crash and now JFK brain is bigger….i think you have internal bleeding there bud…
“As a woke straight male ally let me put my lips on this unconscious black women to show how woke and straight I am” ……..topher bud….
Why is George Washtion Clever peanut man getting bigger??
Mr b using a short to cover his head <3
Ew why is jfk vice like that….
“Lo-fi haunted ghost screams” 👀
Smart jfk…Joan taking the lead. I feel like something bad will happen OR this is a dream.
:0 DJ Mr b!!!!!!
Cannibal dessert zombies….. scary!!
JFK calling people darling is cute :) <3
If jfk brain is smarter while in hot weather/if he’s overheating why didn’t this happen when he’s in the gym or doing sports? 👀
Smart jfk face : ☺️🫤
The husbands trying to snort each other 😏👀
Arroyo are gully in southwestern us….meaning the clone home is somewhere between Texas and California….
Joan wants someone who is emotionally intelligent and emotionally available….she and Abe become friends again……I’m guess they’ll end up together?
Episode 8
Oh snap they actually broke up! Also they co-own a tortoise? Cute
..,,,making the whole school sexual……😬 interesting…
“Where do you want the seaman to drop their load”
“For starters in my mouth” HA….🫵🤨 I know what you are doc
Frida having a crush on Cleo! Was not expecting that…Cleo doing her weird flirting again…was DEFINITELY not expecting that….
Harriet x Confucius is a cute ship….their such nerds <3
😬😬😬 the teacher flirting with Abe…:ma’am that not ok
“Virginity is a social construct” asexual Abe real!!!!!!!
I was going to say seaman I love you but I realize that sounds absolutely horrible out of context….
Singing pirates I love you and you talking about lgbt identity..
Topher the pirates thing you’re into Abe….. 👀
JOAN DONT PUT THE TOURTISE IN THE WATER JOAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!!! Oh thank goodness Abe rescued the pet
“It’s ok if a minor and a teacher are together” not the fuck it’s not lady!!! Topher why are you filming this???? Call the police????? Topher please 😬😬
Oh thank god she dead. But ahhhhhhhh still hella uncomfortable!!!!!!!!!
The “statutory-rape-death-by-orgasm situation is very troubling” MR B WITH THE FACTS!!!!!!
“So we’re not telling the police?” You can Mr b! Please call the police. Mr b I love you so much for looking out for the students.
Topjer blackmailing Abe because he (topher) is into Joan…..🤨🤨 are you topher?? Are you really??
One one hand, I’m like this is a stupid subplot, Abe just tell Joan how you feel who care about topher and his blackmail. But on the other hand, this situation kind of feels realistic? Like a weird way to talk about victim blaming?
Oh thank god something positive in this shit show….yippie Cleo and Frida got together!!!
Joan underwater with the emotional music…her screaming underwater…..cinema™️ :) Joan and jfk having a nice talk :)…:noooo rip Shelly the tortoise
Background gay couple yay :)
Episode 9
Noooo the husbands are fighting AGAIN….oh yay Joan and Mr b time!!!
Omg Mr b lore!!!!
He has a human twin brother??? HES RELIGIOUS????? Oh snap biracial Mr b 👀
Wait nevermind…. Awww Mr b didn’t know he was a robot :( and nether did his twin
:( noooooooo!!!!!!!! He left his brother 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
OH MY FUCKING GOD Mr b was a sex worker
Noooo Mr b please contact your brother!!!!!
Awew yay Mr b life getting better!!! :0 he got married!!!
Noooo his wife cheated on his and his son wasn’t biological his!!! :(
YES!!!! The twins reunited!!! :0 awew he’s an uncle now!!! Wow 2 nices and 2 nephews!!
NOOOOOOOOOOO HES BROTHER DIED!!!!!!
👀 Mr b was an actor!!!!
🥺 awww he thinks of Joan as his daughter!!!!!!
NO MR B DONT DO IT!!!!!!!!
Oh thank god doc saved him!!!!!!! 🥺
Oh my goddd…..the cliff!!! The choices!!!!!!!
THETE FAMILY AND HE CRIED!!!!
Favorite episode!!!!!!!!
Episode 10
Oh thank god, it’s the last one!!!!
Ponce’s dad is back!!! :)
It’s the last day of the school year…the teens are 16, so there sophomores???
Clone high college :0 oh!!! I was wonder what would happen to the senior class!!
West Dakota?????
Since the sisters didn’t make it into the death maze, do they life? Get immediate killed? I forgot that the government is trying to groom the most successful clones. So I guess this is a survival of the fittest….and since the OG clones were from the first project, this is a very new things. (Trying to make a mental timeline thing.)
The four amgias….
NOOOOO VINCENT DIED (maybe not?)
4 boys who are friends-ish
4 girls who are friends
Battle of the sexist 👀
Also both groups are the main cast….ok not topher he’s more of a side character…but still..
Yay Abe and jfk friendship :)
Ok so this is my 2 favorite episode.
This gives me minor hunger games vibes. The whole government watching kids fight to the death part; not the trying to stop the government and corrupt dystopia part…
Oh hey! That weird one type flute thing, forgot about that! :)
Frida has 2 different shoelaces :)
Joan leaving the group because Frida chose her girlfriend over Joan. I mean, that understanding to be angry, but I don’t think she should leave the group….
Yessss jfk breaking topher phone!! :) now Abe won’t be blackmail anymore!!!
Gay energy jfk x Abe
Lone wolf Joan….hmm maybe she is the most powerful/sussefual clone they made? 👀
Joan setting traps to capture her friends!!!! She IS the most dangerous clone!!!
Ok Joan keeps putting people into holes, either she doing that so she the only one to hit the button and go to college OR she doing that to save everyone from the death maze?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHJHH Joan foster mom standing by Joan, using her daughter and grooming her to be the next leader!!! AHHHHHH I love it!!!!!!! Sidhaisn
!!!!!!!!! Them using the clones as backups!!!! Me think how it was weird that the government would let a clone die so easily!!! They won’t!!!!! The government controlling them to be successful puppets!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! The angst, and tension!!! The betrayal!!!!! Love it!!!!!
👀🥺 doc think of the clones as his children!!!!!!
They lost their memories!!! But Joan giving it back!! Her caring about her friends!!!!
Oh my god the stupid little hands gesture!!!!!! <3
….
That’s it??? THATS the ending? The mother showing everyone what Joan did during the death maze? And everyone being anger at her?
Ok, I feel like the twist to that, if there a season 3 is that her friends will forgive her.
Ok! Thought time!!!!
Ok, the fist half of this so is ROUGH! Like it has an idea (government wanting to groom the kids to be a successful leader) but the comedy and drama got a bit out of hand for the plot. I think want to say around 7-8 is when the show gets more, lore like? Or as close to plot as possible.
This season is VERY Joan centric. It gave her SO much character development. At first I thought it wouldn’t work, it made Joan feel like one of those not like other girls, and loser girl gets popular troupe. The whole love triangle with jfk and Abe was a bit rough. It was weird that Joan decided to be with jfk, after sleeping with him on prom night. But I guess since Abe was with Cleo and Abe only paying attention to Joan after she change herself, it make a TINY bit of scene.
The writing try to make it seems like Joan still loves Abe with that sexual dream she had, but I feel like after that episode, it wasn’t brought up again until episode 7. When Joan wanted jfk to be more emotionally invested in her. Also the whole Abe being in love with Joan? Also the random Abe getting mistreated it felt…..odd?
As for the other characters; out of the OG cast (Abe, ghandi, Joan, Cleo, jfk) only jfk had some character development. At first he was sexual with some emotional intelligence (when he comforts Joan at prom, him and Abe talking in the thinking dock, the whole ponce situation)….in season 2 he was more sexual with some minor emotional scene. I feel like episode 7-10 is were jfk is the most emotionally here.
Cleo….she basically only has 2 episodes for her character development. Episode 4, and Episode 7-8. In episode 4, she gets the crown and gets power hungry, after Joan apologizes to Cleo, she and Joan become friends-ish. In season 1 Cleo and Joan spend a lot of time together, because their parents were dating. They mostly argue but were friends-enemy? So Season 2 feel both a continuation of their season 1 relationship AND just a way to re-write Joan and Cleo relationship.
As for the other episodes? It basically her and Frida because friends to lovers. To be honest while the ship is cute, I wish it was more slow burn?
As for the new clones Harriet and Confusious. I’m mixed. Togher they make a cute couple. But separately I like them more as individuals. Harriet is the most developed out of the 3 new clones. She was awkward and a bit anxious (I think?) around episode 1, then as the show progressed she only hang around Frida, then she became closer friends with Joan. In episode 5 it’s really were Harriet feels the most….developing? She gets angry and worried over feeling Joan about how she feeling about the play! But she expresses herself and that cool!! She also has a weird little friendship with Frida, the 2 of them make a weird little group.
Confusions. At first I didn’t like, he was just a random guy who I hate his outfit. By episode 5, he gets some personal! He wants to have people pay attention to him! And by episode 6- 7, that when you know I bit more about him! He has a rich family who ignores him! His family likes his sister more and seem to emotionally neglect him. He’s a bit lazy and like to go with the flow and not have to work.But besides that…..I can’t think of anything else to say?
Frida. She’s…..there. She hangs out with Abe and Joan and Cleo sometimes. She paints, skateboards, and is the most popular girl in school. Besides that? There not a lot of info about her. It seems like this season had a few too many characters so they made Frida fade into the background…
At first I hate the new Joan new mom. (Candid? I can’t remember her name) I felt like she was a random character that didn’t need to be there. I felt like she was just there to replace the doc and just be annoying? But as the show progressed she was more of a background character that was silly. As for the final; I feel that were she shines the most!! Her wanting her foster daughter to rule the world, that idea is so cool!!!!! I love how she talk to Joan, how proud she was, and how she was going to use the clones as backup or to try to make them more perfect!!! She’s a character a feel like could work If she wasn’t stuck in a comedy.
My b my beloved <3
Topher is a dick. Hate how he blackmails Abe and try to push him and the gross teacher thing. Hate hate the show decided to do that. Like man!! If topper was really into Joan and wanted to blackmail Abe he could have done it a different way!!!!
The humor in this show….don’t feel there? I had like, a few chuckles but that was mostly because from the Doc. Or like from physical gags like the slow float or the couch catching on fire. The animation is fluid and I could see it like, a few times. The colors are a bit brights but I love the background!!! As for the voice acting….its a hit or miss.
5/10
Very Rough start but love the final 3 episodes.
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What does it mean if Katya is putting up her costumes on depop already, new costumes? Their tour ain't even finished yet.. admittedly it's only the leotard/skirt from NY and the final number.. but im too emotionally attached to this tour that I don't want any of it sold 🥺
Well, if you want to commiserate about the fact that Katya will literally touch a piece of fabric for one second and then immediately sell it on her Depop… You’ve come to the right place! It makes me so sad too. I know she loves to immediately clean out her closet to make space for the new and she’s always done this but still it stings a little. Normally I’d say get the bag sis go ahead and overcharge for the privilege to smell your smoke and sweat soaked garments but in this case (and actually all cases because I’m sad every time she’s does this) I’m like… is nothing scared?! Katya you don’t need the money please save something! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again but in 10 years time Trixie will have a whole museum dedicated to everything she ever wore and Katya will be living in the woods without a trace to remember her by.
But if it means anything? Besides the fact that she’s definitely not as attached as us lol… No I don’t think so. She’s selling the previous versions of costumes she’s since updated and she’s done that before. Also I don’t think there will be a lot of new changes or updates for the last couple of shows since there’s only 11 left. You never know though! But it is sad that she’ll sell stuff she and Andrew/Astor Yang have made as well as pieces from drag and costume designers like Marco Marco/Dallas Coulter/Amie Sarazan… these are all very talked people and I want their work appreciated by all… but I don’t necessarily believe that means a resale is needed. The only perk is that we now know more about the clothes like the fact that she has at least two leotard versions (makes sense it’s good to have a backup). But all of this does give me an excuse to talk about the changes in the costumes she’s sold so far…
During the first leg of T&K live for the NY/NY number their dresses/leotards were a brighter pink/red sequined fabric but more high cut around the legs and they complained about it during the live pod in Austin (you can see their shapewear and after the skirt reveals they were always adjusting their outfits like it was uncomfortable) so it makes sense they updated those. The newer versions are more full coverage around the legs and are lined around the neckline. I will say I don’t like the almost silvery sheen to the sequin fabric they used this time because the dress colors look more muted? But maybe it was just what they had available. Just in my opinion the originals captured the light better in photos.
For the closing Chicago number they added the fringe to the bodysuit and gloves. 10/10 improvement. Turned cute leotards into flapper fringe mini dresses perfect for dancing. No notes.
Now for the robes they went from sequins to shiny and I think they look sleeker and more distinctive from all the other shades of red and pink they’ve previously used in the show. A+++.
The iconic Cекси outfit… loved the upgrade from the first leg to what she wore in AUS/NZ but this final version is the perfect combo of the original outfit and the more sexy update. Plus it fits better and she can move around in it more. All excellent choices here but they settled on the best for sure.
So while I’m sad about all of these original costumes being sold I don’t thing there’s anything deeper going on here besides it’s definitely ending and she’s definitely not saving anything despite all of us definitely wishing that was not the case!
If anyone has their eye on anything, especially the updated versions of the costumes, save up now and turn those notifications on because there’s a 99% chance she’ll sell them one day. Honestly there’s a lot I would be tempted to buy because I love literally everything she wears but I’d rather shes hang onto it in the off chance she wears it again. Maybe once this tour is all said and done I’ll do a full T&K Live costume retrospective and then a follow up with an in memoriam post once she inevitably sells everything…
#so sorry I’m just getting to this now!#I’ve been offline for like 3 days#blame 2023 so far#but thank you for the excuse to talk about this lol#omggggg I’m SO wordy
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Hello! I would be interested in your opinion on my MBTI type! I’m fairly sure that I’m an enneagram 9, although I’m open to 6 for statistical reasons since I’ve considered Te-dom before, because I tend to be deeply conflict-averse outside of structured things like studies, work, and dnd, but in that structure I tend to be very active, hard-working, and detail oriented. I’m still conflict averse but being behind a structure that I have strong opinions about help me a lot.
For my circumstances, I’m a sophomore undergrad whose moved across the country and am looking to go into the entertainment industry- I’m aware and resolved to the instability of the industry, but have been devoted to my goals since I was a young teen and the decisions I’ve made have all been to mitigate risk. Even though it’s a new environment, I have a very regular schedule: I work out six days a week, play games with high school friends twice a week… (p2)
play another weekly game with my friends here, have set dates and regular things I do with my significant other, and have not gotten behind on work in years. I try to occasionally do new things, but novelty on its own isn’t appealing to me. Most times that I succeed on something, it’s because of my detail-orientation and fast work. I tend to turn in well-over the maximum requirement for work or study, just to be safe or because I feel I need to be excellent. However, this has also burned me (p3)
I just learned that I qualify for a massive career thing and have for years but have been stockpiling or preparing myself pointlessly for a long time. I also tend to get frustrated with peers over timeliness, amount of work, or an overdone planning process. My worst trait in a group project is that I think I can just do the thing without a whole pre-production process. I also get frustrated when I am not credited, in a professional situation, for doing better and faster work, (p4)
when others fulfill another cultural expectation but take more than twice as long as me (in my industry, someone who watches more movies than me might get along/get better opportunities from a mutual boss). It took me a long time to get to a place where I could really acknowledge my discomforts or frustrations vocally, but with my significant other I have developed in that and being emotionally available and openly affectionate (broadly, not just with them). (p5)
In all my relationships I tend to be very close with very few people. I text every day with my best friend whose been so since we were 12. I’ve really only dated long term and have gone long stretches of time without any significant relationship before reentering a long term relationship.I like to work on myself, not in the New Year’s resolution sense, but I try every day to address things I want to do better and I do the things that make me happy consistently. (p I didn’t track these right)
I feel like in the arc of my life, I’ll be better off if I make myself happy and maintain my mental health, so even though I feel a lot of pressure to grind even more and be more passionate about film, I prioritize my well-being rather than buying into the burnout allnighter culture. (p final, thank you so so much! I haven’t looked into typology for a long time because I wanted to stop and become more self aware, so I may have vomited this at you lol)
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Hi anon,
I am actually completely baffled why you are even considering 9 - none of this sounds like 9 (6 is very possible though). 9's aren't just conflict-averse - they're also often complacent/tend to lack drive or ambition, and can be remarkably resistant to change when unhealthy. They often avoid things like working on themselves. 9s do not engage in the grind, is what I'm saying.
High Te does sound right and 6 can fit- wanting a stable network and taking a lot of precautions/risk mitigation - but that might also be xSTJ, which seems reasonable. I am wondering actually if you are a 3: disconnect from expressing emotions, frustration with lack of credit or not realizing you qualified for something, and overachieving all are much more in line with 3 than 9. 3s care about approval and appearances, and can avoid conflict for that reason (3s can really go either way for conflict, honestly) and if you're an introvert that can also be a big factor. But I would without a doubt rule out 9, at least as a core.
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Evangelion: You Can (Not) Marathon — (Part 6)
Neon Genesis Evangelion, “Episode 6: Decisive Battle, New Tokyo-3/Rei II”
Continuing my Evangelion re-watch marathon with NGE, "Episode 6: Decisive Battle, New Tokyo-3/Rei II"! For my thoughts on the previous episode, click the link to the post below:
With that out of the way, let's dig in!
I love how this episode begins immediately where Episode 5 ended, with Shinji getting immediately blasted by Ramiel’s laser beam the literal moment EVA Unit-01 emerged from the GeoFront's hatch! And seeing Ritsuko’s efforts to revive Shinji after he subsequently went into cardiac arrest and Misato’s efforts to revive him felt incredibly intense! The soundtrack “Angel Attack” (one of my personal favorite scores from the series soundtrack) definitely elevates the suspense in this opening:
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Also, I forgot that NERV could give their pilots a heart massage via the LCL liquid inside the Entry-Plug! That actually kinda makes sense considering that in the Evangelion universe that LCL that the pilots are submerged in is actually the blood of Lilith, aka the seed of life for humanity!
So... that diamond-drill which Ramiel employs to bore into NERV HQ still gives me the absolute shivers! But seeing that I’m also a snarky bastard, I can't help but not think of Freudian psycho-sexual imagery whenever I look at said-elongated drill emerging from the bottom of Ramiel and penetrating the various plate armors below Tokyo-3.
Lol dang! I forgot that Misato actually was the one who invented my nickname for Ramiel, the “Flying Fortress” Angel, while describing its absolutely perfect offensive and defensive capabilities!
One of the things that I’ve always felt makes NGE's Angel fights so uniquely distinct from other giant-Kaiju fights in anime is how the battles rely primarily on strategic planning rather than brute force! And Misato’s plan “Operation Yashima” to take down Ramiel is a perfect example of this in how simultaneously insane and ingenious her strategy is!
Alright, so get this... due to the lighting-fast speed of Ramiel’s particle-beam attacks combined with the strength of its AT Field defenses, Misato plans to have the EVA’s utilize a long-range experimental positron sniper rifle to fire a powerful particle beam from Mt. Fukushima outside of the Angel’s firing range, drawing electricity from ALL of Japan’s power lines to create an energy beam powerful enough to penetrate the AT Field and destroy the Angel in a single shot. And the steps to complete plan, including NERV acquiring the positron rifle from the Japanese government (which Misato hilariously has Rei’s EVA Unit-00 steal from the SDF right under their roof, and then tapping all of Japan’s power lines into the rifle, and converting the hull of a disused space shuttle into a makeshift-shield to defend against Ramiel’s particle beam! And all of this has to be completed within the short span of 9 to 10 hours before Ramiel’s drill completely penetrates the armored plates directly above NERV HQ!
This plan is absolutely bonkers and has so many variables that can go wrong, but it’s simultaneously so clever and inventive that I can’t help but love it (especially since NERV’s super computers, "the Magi," determined it to have the best possible outcome of success out of all available strategies despite only having an 8.8% success rate factor)!
Oh boy! There’s certainly a lot to unpack regarding the scene where Rei wakes up Shinji in the hospital to brief him on Operation Yashima. Firstly, this scene further effectively illustrates just how emotionally detached and distant Rei is considering that she doesn’t even express any concern or relief when Shinji wakes up from a near-death experience, instead jumping the gun to read-over military protocol before coldly tossing a new plug suit onto his lap the moment she see’s he’s awake. While Rei does briefly seem to show some semblance of basic humanity when she offers Shinji a plate of food, she immediately reverts back to her usual detached personality by stating that it’s Shinji’s obligation to continue piloting EVA Unit-01, completely disregarding his fears after just being almost killed by Ramiel, before stating that if Shinji won’t pilot Unit-01 then she’ll act as his substitute, not even seeming to care whether or not she lives or dies in the process.
In addition to further conveying Rei’s emotionless detachment from herself and others, this scene is also effective in showcasing how Rei is willing to blindly and obediently follow the orders of her commanding officers without even considering the well-being of herself or others, almost as if doing so is a completely foreign concept to her. It makes Rei feel eerily robotic and doll-like, further adding to her enigmatic nature.
I am in no way whatsoever foreshadowing anything with the usage of the word "doll" there! Not at all... (sarcasm)
A couple of points about the preparation scene at Mt. Fukushima: I love the lighting of the scene where Misato & Ritsuko are re-briefing Shinji & Rei on the operation, and this exchange between the latter two as they put on their plugsuits conveys an underlying sense of humanity beneath Rei’s cold emotionless exterior:
Shinji: “Maybe this will be our last day alive.”
Rei: “Why would you say something like that? You won’t die… I’ll be protecting you…”
And here it is! One of the central reoccurring questions that’s asked throughout Evangelion: “What exactly is reason that these 14-year-old children continue to pilot their respective EVA’s.”
We’ve already seen in previous episodes that Shinji hardly pilots the EVA for altruistic reasons like saving humanity from annihilation at the hands of the Angels, but primarily out of a misplaced desire to validate his own depressed and empty existence by attempting to gain the acceptance and validations of others such as his scumbag father Gendo or his flawed but well-meaning caretaker Misato. But the question of why Shinji continues to pilot is one which he keeps coming back to due to just how stressful and traumatic the experience has been for him so far.
So wanting to understand why someone else like Rei would conversely be so willing to throw her self into danger seemingly without any care, a Shinji can’t help but ask her why she decides to pilot the EVA. And although Rei’s answer is incredibly vague at first glance, it ultimately reveals and foreshadows so much about her character. Rei pilots EVA Unit-00 because, “[She’s] bonded to it," that it represents "a bond.” Not necessarily a bond between herself and Gendo like Shinji initally suspects, but to “all people,” telling him that she has nothing else before standing up directly in front of the pale moonlight and ominously stating, “Goodbye Shinji.”
Essentially, this scene subtly foreshadows the later reveal of Rei’s true identity as the reincarnated soul of humanity’s progenitor Lilith, as is conveyed through both her statement of being “[Bonded] to all people [and having] nothing else,” as well as the shot of her underneath the gaze of the white moon light being reflective of the contrast between the Angel’s progenitor Adam’s vessel, “the lost White Moon,” and Lilith’s vessel being "the Black Moon” buried underneath Tokyo-3 which the NERV GeoFront is a part of. Said-bond to all people is also reflective of Rei’s currents lack of tangible bonds to other people, with even her attachment to Gendo being one of militant subservience rather than legitimate parental/child affection.
Plus, Rei’s “goodbye” highlights her suicidal belief that she’s a disposable piece of hardware who doesn’t care whether or not she lives or dies in battle as long as she successfully completes her mission. And the fact that Rei’s soul is also the soul of Lilith also suggests the idea that her empty nihilistic behavior is symbolic of the feelings of emptiness and hopelessness which predominate all of humanity in the EVA universe following Second Impact, similar to how Shinji will later become an avatar representing all of humanity during Third Impact in The End of Evangelion!
You can definitely tell Anno was planting the seeds of Rei’s true identity (and how it ties into the series overall mythos and finale) from the very beginning! I absolutely love it!
Still... for the sake of craps and giggles, considering my earlier usage of the phrase "pale moonlight" as well as the fact that Lilith according to both Mesopotamian and Judaic mythology is the first wife of Adam and the primordial mother of all demons, (which basically means that all humans in the EVA universe are essentially demons from a certain point of view…), I can't help but think of this classic line from Tim Burton's Batman when I see the image of Rei standing in front of the moon:
I absolutely love the pattern-effect of the positron rifle’s energy-beam completely diverting Ramiel’s particle-beam during the first failed sniper-shot, plus the melted-plastic texture of EVA Units-00 and 01 when Rei desperately tries to shield Shinji before he fires a successful second shot, destroying the Angel!
The decision to have the ending of Episode 6 identically mirror the beginning of Episode 5 was a perfect way bookending this two-parter! Especially since while Shinji does end up saving Rei here in a manner exactly identical to how Gendo did during the first Unit-00 activation test, in contrast to his father Shinji presents himself to Rei as visibly more emotional and caring, not only asking if Rei is alright like Gendo did, but also telling her to never say goodbye in such a suicidal manner like she previously did before he bursts into tears. In contrast to Gendo’s distant “I see" response, Shinji’s tearful breakdown is so completely foreign to Rei that she doesn’t know how to respond to this situation before Shinji asks her to smile, suddenly reminding her of a similar gesture she once received from Gendo. Realizing that she’s starting to form a more sincere and legitimate bond with someone else, Rei can’t help but show a visible emotion for the first time ever by responding to Shinji’s kindness with a genuine heartfelt smile!
What a perfect bit of character development for Rei to end the episode on! Episode 5 began with her only possessing a hollow and subservient bond to Gendo who only see’s her as a tool, whereas by the end of Episode 6 she’s beginning to form a legitimate and meaningful bond with Shinji who conversely see’s her as a person. It also demonstrates a level of empathy not previously conveyed by Shinji, whom instead of wallowing in his own depressive self-pity, has now found someone who’s existence is even more empty and directionless than his own, and genuinely wants to help her self-actualize and discover her true purpose for existing! In that regard, Episode 6 serves as an important stepping stone not only for Rei’s character development, but for Shinji’s as well!
As heartwarming as this scene is, I still can’t help but feel that it’s a tad unrealistic for Rei to form such a sweet and innocent smile so easily after apparently never having smiled before in her entire life. If this scene were to play more realistically, it’d be like that hilarious David Willis' Shortpacked! parody webcomic version of this scene!
Being serious again though, I feel that I should indulge in some behind-the-scenes trivia concerning Rei's characterization. In a 1996 interview with Rei's Japanese voice actress, Megumi Hayashibara (who also provides the voice of Shinji's mother, Yui Ikari), she stated that despite the character's apparent lack of visible emotion, "Rei's beauty comes from the truth that she has feelings." According to Hayashibara, Hideaki Anno informed her during the directorial process that, "It's not that [Rei] doesn't have emotion, but that she doesn't know what it is," which contributed to Hayashibara delivering her lines in a manner that's simultaneously flat yet meaningful, like she's struggling to draw out the feelings "hidden deep inside [her] heart."
And I personally felt that Amanda Winn Lee carried over this same kind of energy to her performance as Rei in the ADV dub! Which is quite an accomplishment considering that Winn Lee's personality IRL is incredibly open and snarky, which is a stark contrast to Rei's quiet and reserved demeanor.
One last note before wrapping up, I'm kinda embarrassed to admit this, but it took me forever to realize that the silhouetted figure spinning underneath the water upside-down in front of the moon during the closing credits is actually supposed to be Rei (when I first watched the series back in college I honestly mistakened said-silhouette for Shinji). Both the presence of the moon combined with being submerged in liquid definitely feels like further visual foreshadowing to Rei’s role as Lilith in The End of Evangelion!
So yeah, that was NGE, "Episode 6: Decisive Battle, New Tokyo-3/Rei II" and both it along with the previous episode reminded me of why I was initially so captivated by Rei’s unique enigmatic nature (therefore making me want to learn more about her)! Rewatching these episodes has helped me gain an even greater appreciation for the sheer amount of characterization and development she receives in only just under an hour’s worth of screen time! It's very impressive work on Anno’s part!
Which is actually somewhat ironic considering that Anno has openly expressed that out of all the characters in NGE Rei is the one he feels the least attached to. Specifically, in a 1997 interview Anno stated that, "I don't really understand [Rei]. The truth is, I have no emotional attachment to her at all. [...] At the end [of the sixth episode], when Rei says, 'I don't know what kind of expression I should have at a time like this,' and Shinji says, 'I think you should smile,' and Rei smiles. [...] When I thought about it afterwards, I cursed. I thought, in short, that if she has [already] communicated with Shinji there, then isn't she over with? At that moment, Rei, for me, was finished, all at once."
This attitude is also apparent in the notable differences in the portrayal Rei's character was portrayed between the NGE anime and the official manga adaptation for the series written & illustrated by Yoshiyuki Sadamoto (who was also the lead-character designer for NGE). While it's not the only difference between the manga and anime despite both versions sharing the exact same plot beats (but interpreted much differently), Sadamoto dedicated a lot more time and focus to Rei and her relationship with Shinji in the manga version of the story, Anno was more openly interested in exploring the dynamic between Shinji & Asuka (which will become evident once Asuka debuts in Episode 8...). Despite this, I do love the amount of development Anno provided for Rei's character in both Episodes 5 & 6 as well as later on in the series' later episodes and The End of Evangelion movie, demonstrating that he still understood and respected her importance in the narrative!
But yeah, I overall really enjoyed Episodes 5 & 6! Next up is Episode 7 which... while by no means a bad episode and is still a lot of fun from what I remember, was always my personal least favorite episode in NGE (even more so than the "Magmadiver" episode which is seemingly universally derided by a large amount of the EVA fanbase, which always confused me since I personally really loved that episode). But anyways... let's see how I feel about Episode 7 upon rewatch...
#Evangelion: You Can (Not) Marathon#neon genesis evangelion#evangelion#eva#nge#hideaki anno#shinji ikari#rei ayanami#gendo ikari#ritsuko akagi#eva unit 00#eva unit 01#ramiel#lilith#NERV#yoshiyuki sadamoto#evangelion manga#90s anime#anime and manga#marathon#shortpacked#david willis#Youtube#batman#joker#tim burton#batman 1989#jack nicholson#mystery science theater 3000#mst3k
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early december
traveling has been aggressive recently. it was montreal mid-november and then LA late november. i finally used mywealthydiary’s template and inputted the last 6 months of expenses for the both of us. i only included our joint expenses (no personal shopping/clothing items) and it was about 345 lines of data. typing all the data out, i realize how easy it is to click a button to pay for things. paying for a food delivery service that cost $20-30 (a meal for two) seems justifiable. but not when it’s almost every day lol.
this week, i have felt at my wit’s end with matt. he has been generally anxious and OCD driven since the start of this year. i was able to overlook it because he really did have very difficult things to go through. and then again during the transition to attendinghood. now it seems like things at work are evening out and to be fair, he is improving/not AS anxious and working more on his physical health. so far, he has lost about 20lbs and isn’t emotionally eating much.
during LA and some parts in montreal, i have called him out for not being present or always in his head/worrying about something. this is part of the bad habits that were carried over from residency. he has become so prone to worrying at work that he can’t turn off the worrying outside of work and attaches it to harmless things. being that i’m around him all the time, i’m getting resentful that his negative/worrying mood dampens my mood when i’m trying to have a good time on vacation. i understood it during residency because the time off was so limited, and even during the transition period, but now i’m getting pretty impatient.
i learned that he’s very emotionally muted post-training. a lot of what he goes through in life nowadays, no matter how good or how bad is usually just “alright”. his coping mechanisms during residency were working harder and doing deals/buying food deliveries. now i realize that ubereats was the equivalent to alcohol or video games during his training for self-medication. it’s just a whole process of unlearning and healing. of course, i had to google this and found an article that spoke to me:
“In medicine, I can work 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and still have more to do. This false comfort and escape can be likened to an alcoholic with access to a 24-hour liquor store. Always there, welcoming me. Always masking the pain or fear. And, for me, giving me a feeling of redemption and value because what I do, what we do, is worthy, important, noble work. What I did not realize until I was nearly 40, is that I cannot selectively mute my feelings.
My joy, humor, love, kindness, and compassion were also reduced, numbed. My emotional bandwidth was so narrow that I could no longer experience any intense feelings. There were no highs or lows. In fact, love and joy felt just as scary and unmanageable as fear and grief. My friends and family were the collateral damage of this coping mechanism.“
anyway, i have basically told him that i need him to get therapy asap as this is a serious issue and i am reconsidering this relationship. i think he will go next week if there are available appointments.
LA summary
my niece is getting more and more adorable, i can actually play with her now
i miss my family. i also see that my bro and SIL are very stagnant and coddled lol. i feel a little upset that my parents are more hardworking than them/take care of them but can’t fault this dynamic if both parties enjoy it. the moment i come home, my parents and uncle ask me to do tasks. and i’m like, uhh could my bro or SIL not have done this for you? they’re here every week
this time around, i was actually craving homecooked foods (since we do so much food delivery here). i only ate out a couple of times.
matt’s mom is making amends with me. apparently she noticed that i don’t go over to their house as often anymore and is putting the pieces together. she was actively trying to be nicer this time around. the MIL/DIL relationship is definitely complicated.
went on a 7 mile hike with matt’s dad - he bought us new HOKA hiking shoes. i returned the ones i bought for myself lol
had “dinner” at my bro’s house. i thought it was going to be a casual dinner with our immediate family, matt, and my SIL’s uncle and mom as they were visiting from out of town. turns out, there were 3 other relatives who showed up, and then my SIL invited her friend’s family of 4 over, one who would be matchmade with her uncle. it just became one loud party
last time i was in LA, i was in on my aunt/uncle’s family drama. this time, my dad got mad at me and complained to me about my grandma/uncle
saw S for coffee/brunch!
used classpass to bring my mom and me to a fancy hair salon in arts district to get moisture treatments. it was the first time that either of us had our hair did by a white person
gave my dad some love too - bought him some new brooks shoes because he said his knees hurt. convinced him to do a TSA precheck appointment. purchased (well he paid for) a new iphone 13 and i got an apple silicone case for him on sale. i learned quality cases make a difference
i’m not sure what the perfect distance would be from my family. at their age, it seems both set of our parents have the time to want to hang out quite frequently. i can definitely imagine my parents inviting us over to dinner every week (or multiple times a week) if we lived in the city. it would break my heart to decline their invitations lol. now i’m thinking that maybe 1-2 hour drive from LA would be ideal for that sense of independence and ability to work on ourselves, as well as close access to family.
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oooh wait space show?? astronauts? mars?? space? hypothetically speaking where might one watch it. for hypothetical reasons that are definitely entirely unrelated to my interest in those exact things. (/I don't think sarcasm is quite the right term here but like? idk. please tell me about the show it sounds very very cool)
OMM YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
For All Mankind!!!!!!! It’s an alternate history show on Apple TV+ (but you can probably pirate it, you should pirate it, I just have a rich dad. just looked it up and they’re all on soap2day so 👍) where the Soviets got to the moon first so the U.S. expanded on the space race!!
It’s genuinely amazing, they actually have physical Moon sets and accurate space suit costumes and only use cgi for space and the ships and shuttles which makes sense. It also deals a lot with the family drama of the astronauts, some of it is kinda... eh, especially in s2, but a lot of it is still great (Gordo and Tracy my loveds). It also imo is really great at depicting how NASA would deal with getting women and POC into the space program since it was the 60s-70s. Also there’s gay people. Genuinely the only show I’ve seen that has like, a non-fetishized and actually realistic lesbian couple :)
Ohhhhgggg I’m trying not to spoil too much, since you should watch it it’s so great and the whole fandom is like. cishet women who watched it because they think Joel Kinnaman is hot. so i need more, idk gay people????? /hj BUT WWAAAAA jamestown. just. jamestown. Idk if the bonus content is available too, but theres a lot of that and I’m also a U.S. history enjoyer and I love that you can see the presidents go by and all the other events happening in the background its so cool....
ALSO fun minor fact, they mention like in passing in another event (so not r spoilers) but in this universe they actually caught the o-ring issue on the shuttles (which they have before they do in real life) so there was never actually a Challenger explosion and probably no Columbia, so this universe’s NASA is way better and less about profit which is <3333 HGOOOOOOOO
And Mars!!! Season 3 is coming out on the 10th and what’s planned is that they’re going to Mars in the 90s!!! This is obviously going to be a lot more experimental and different since we have been to the Moon but we haven’t been to Mars. So I’m excited to see what they do!! From the trailers it looks like there might be some sort of orbiting gateway base Artemis style??? Which is so swag. I also reallyyyyy wanna know what they’re calling the missions lol.
OH. And a little warning if you do watch it: There are quite a few scenes with death and minor gore, but it’s not that bad??? It’s just kind of emotionally hard to see. It definitely balances the horrific aspects of space along with the heroic ones, yknow? There are some sex scenes too, which. nasty. but what are you gonna do. Not in space tho!! if you were thinking that... ajdfskhfklahsdlfjajklfh
In conclusion: FAM best show everrrrrr fr
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How do u tell someone that u don’t see a future together 😬
#without sounding like a total asshat#like what’s the polite way of saying#hey thanks for waiting around for me#while I tried to figure out if I’m emotionally available#but while I was figuring that out#I realized that we’re not a good match#unless some Fundamental Things change#how do u nicely say#I wouldn’t be happy if we were in a relationship#like#what do I do#but also how do you say it in a way that’s like#I don’t want a relationship#but we can still be friends?#also I’m still not emotionally available actually lol#personal stuff
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hi im back from a long day. i went thrifting earlier and bought some cute plushes, one of which is a memorial urn, which i didnt realize til 10 mins ago. either way very cool! im very emotionally attached to him already so he may become an Official Hoarde Member soon
[ID: a photo of a plush horse. it’s butterscotch coloured except for it’s face and inside-ears, which are white. it has a fluffy darker-brown mane and tail, and no hooves, just stumps. barely-visible is it’s butt tag which has “Ryder” hand-written on it. end ID]
as written on his tag in sharpie, his name is ryder. he has no hooves and obviously a pouch for ashes on his belly. he’s a weird dude
he wasn’t super dirty or grimey when i picked him up, which isn’t super typical of thrift store finds. a lot of people just donate their old plushes as-is, stains and all. i guess they figure its not their problem but for me it’s a whole-day project! i wish i could be doctor beth LOL....
he had 4 major holes in him - on his back, chest, and 2 on either knee. the one on his back i could fit my entire fist in. basically he’s weird and busted and i was probably the only person going to adopt him, which is fine, because i’m also weird and broken
what really sold me was the tag - “Ryder.” is he ryder? is ryder his owner? i dont know but i tend to stick with the names my plushes come with unless i totally hate it, and Ryder is fine. if i had my way he’d probably be named cornchip though, cuz he resembles my stardew valley horse which’s also named cornchip
[ID: the same plush as above, a butterscotch horse plush. in this photo it’s dirtier, with a matted mane and tail. near the base of the neck and back, you can see stuffing coming out of a hole in the fabric. end ID]
the biggest difference between his before (above) and after is just that his mane and tail were super matted - no doubt a battle with a laundry dryer. no problem though, i unstuffed him (mostly) and lathered his mane and tail with hair conditioner and brushed it out with a wire brush. now he’s poofy and cute
even though he’s an off-brand memorial horse, i still wish there was a brand on him somewhere. there’s only 1 tag which is a “this plush is up to code” tag and there’s not even any cut-tag-remains. maybe he was just sold in an independant funeral home or something? but they normally just do normal teddy bears so, im not sure. maybe he’s custom!
maybe in the end he’s not a memorial horse. maybe he’s a giant coin purse. maybe he’s a pencil case without enough room for pencils. if anyone recognizes the brand or knows for 100% certain what the zipper-pouch is for, i’d love to know!! i’ve tried to look but to no avail
if he is confirmed to be a memorial horse though i dont really believe in haunted objects, im way too crazy for that. any object deemed haunted is just a companion who’s bitter because they’re being mistreated. im sure robert the doll - who’s a steiff doll - isn’t actually evil or haunted, just a misunderstood companion missing their beholder, and grieving in the only way they understand.
#personal#fruits basket hoarde#he'd be our apple obviously! cuz horses like apples :0]#he is talking to me already btw#but its hard to tell if its another random voice impersonating him or not cuz some of his empathetic feelings dont match exactly -#- what hes saying#either way i dont care hes still a companion rn#not dog#posic
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BnHA Chapter 302: As the Todoroki Turns
Previously on BnHA:
Today on BnHA: We have a very fun chapter in which (1) Shouto grows up lonely on account of his parents being worried that his siblings will literally try to kill him, (2) Natsu and Fuyu grow up neglected on account of not being special and/or self-destructive enough to attract attention, (3) we get to revisit all of that exciting spousal abuse from chapter 39, and (4) Touya burns to death right on cue, pretty much exactly like we expected it to happen. Thankfully since this is a shounen manga, Horikoshi finds some hope in all this misery as the Todoroki family rallies together, with Shouto getting his long-overdue credit for being a perfect sweet angel who put up with all of this shit for sixteen years and somehow came out of it strong and kind and empathetic and determined. Anyway, so that flashback was a barrel of laughs. But now that it’s over, we can put all of that angst behind us, and move on to... well I guess, probably, more angst. Look, we’re short on variety at the moment. Bear with it.
ouch. we knew this was coming, but still
A+ parenting move there. “ho boy, our eldest just tried to murder our youngest, now what? hmm how about we isolate our youngest from all human contact”
though in their defense, we probably shouldn’t have expected this rabidly strength-obsessed fire man and his wife who was groomed since childhood to obey her family’s whims to have any idea of how to raise stable, well-adjusted offspring
SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS
this is a perfect example of Enji’s tragically self-revolving viewpoint right here. just because being a hero is your entire world doesn’t mean you can just excuse yourself from anything outside of that and act like it’s out of your control. “alas, all I care about is hero stuff and my son can’t be a hero, we are doomed to inhabit two different worlds” no you jackass, it’s called having more than one hobby?? figuring out how to spend some time with your son that doesn’t involve training?? the same exact thing you were telling him to do last week, while ignoring that you’ve never done that yourself in your life??
that said, yet again we have that complexity though because it’s obvious that Enji at least on some level is aware of his own flaws, even though he seems unwilling or unable to confront them. honestly, from what we’ve seen so far, Enji’s obsession with surpassing All Might might be more accurately called an addiction. he literally can’t let go of it even though he’s fully aware of how it’s slowly destroying his life. and so in the same way that a lifelong smoker or alcoholic might tell their child to stay away from cigarettes and booze, Enji tells Touya not to follow down the same path as him, even though he himself doesn’t know how to leave that path. so yes, it’s hypocritical as fuck, but there’s also an element of helplessness there as well because Enji literally doesn’t know how not to be like this
though all the same he sure could stand to put in more than just a token effort. but it is what it is, and we already know how much he’ll come to regret it
and meanwhile Baby Shouto has frozen his sleep bubble with his quirk lmao. so I guess his quirk did come in early. that’s a recipe for chaos right there
once again Shouto is ruining every single dramatic panel in this flashback
this was so dark and intense... and then I spotted the lil bubs in the corner. Horikoshi please control yourself
“some hero you are, running away” and then all of a sudden, “FIVE YEARS LATER” lol what. OKAY THEN
(ETA: love the confirmation that eight-year-old Natsu comes from the Iida school of puberty and is basically a fully grown man, and meanwhile Touya comes from the hobbit school of puberty and has been perpetually eight for the past five years.)
“HEY BIG BRO WANNA COME RECREATE AN ICONIC FLASHBACK SCENE WITH US. WE’VE GOT THE SOCCER BALL RIGHT HERE, BUT HURRY UP OR WE’LL BE TOO LATE FOR SHOUTO TO WALK ON BY AND STOP TO LOOK”
lol and that’s literally the next three panels. but Horikoshi did add this extra bit after Endeavor starts to drag Shouto away
seriously Enji what the hell did you expect was going to happen here. “Touya went nuts and tried to kill his little brother out of jealousy, so let’s make it clearer than ever that Shouto is the important child and all the other children are just rejects. this will definitely not make the problem 100x worse, and will surely lead to Touya giving up and living a happy life, having been emotionally abandoned by the person he admired more than anyone.” good for you pal you figured it all out. no need for that plan b, “we all just go to therapy”
anyway so he’s telling Shouto he can’t play because he needs more endurance training. and meanwhile Touya’s patented Todoroki Drama Genes are going through puberty as well
definitely the face of a happy, emotionally stable child who’s not still plotting to murder his younger brother in his sleep
“WELL ACTUALLY MAKESTE” lol I stand corrected??
apparently during the five year interim Touya actually stopped blaming Shouto and realized Enji was the one at fault. good for him! a bit inconsistent, given what we know happens later, but I assume we’ll get to that in good time
anyway. “yeah man I agree that dad sucks, but it’s the middle of the night and I’m only eight and you’ve been monologuing for the past two hours bro”
LMAO
the manga is making my jokes for me, only better. fine then
looks like someone’s still miffed about that disagreement he had with his baby sister back when she was like four
“Fuyu doesn’t get properly riled up like I want her to so ranting to her is annoying.” okay but having been in Fuyu’s shoes, it really is just a different way of coping, and I can guarantee she’s not as fine with the whole situation as Touya might think. but making your peace with something is often a decision that’s made for emotional self-preservation reasons. and I sure as hell don’t fault her for trying to shut out a situation that she had no control over, and trying to make the best of it, and scrape together as normal a childhood as she could manage
and now in Touya’s defense as well, that is of course easier said than done, and I’m sure if there was a “push this button and instantly get over all of the trauma in your life” switch readily available for Touya then he would have pushed it too. unfortunately it’s not always that simple
so now Rei is pleading with Touya not to go train up on his little emo hill again, but it doesn’t seem like much has changed since he was eight
I don’t think he gives two figs about being a hero; he just wants his father to look at him again with pride. fucking hell, stop doing this to me you damn Todorokis
guh, they keep telling him the same thing over and over again
even if we hadn’t already known he was gonna go melt his jawbone off soon, I wouldn’t have expected a line like that to go over well
yep. fuck
that Todoroki puberty angst, though. nothing else quite like it
“you have a part in this too, Mom” ooooooh man
okay but look, he’s not entirely wrong. like, I’m not saying any of this is Rei’s fault at all! she’s in an impossible situation where she’s afraid to stand up to Enji (who by this point has shown that he’s willing to physically attack her if things get too heated, which is terrifying), and doesn’t really have anywhere to turn for support. her parents aren’t helping much if at all, and Japan in general is just a terrible country to be in when you’re in a domestic abuse situation. everyone’s expected to put on a brave face and deal with their problems all on their own in private. Rei is basically completely isolated at this point, and she doesn’t know what else to do, and so she’s just trying to keep the situation as stable as possible for the kids
but on the other hand, “for the kids” is also where that argument starts to break down a bit, because at this point Shouto is also being physically abused by his father, and the other kids are continuing to be neglected (emotionally if not physically), as they have been for years. so the situation really isn’t stable at all for them. and as a kid, what you end up learning in that type of situation is that you can’t rely on either parent. not the abusive one, certainly, but also not the other one who can’t protect you from any of it. even if they love you and they’re trying, they’re just as helpless as you. Rei is struggling to deal with all of this with one hand tied behind her back, and I get it, and I’m not blaming her at all. but all the same, particularly given that she’s (understandably) putting almost all her focus on Shouto, the end result is that the other kids have basically been left to fend for themselves
so yeah! a shitty situation all around. and one of those cases where it’s not really anyone’s fault (aside from Enji’s), but I can understand the resentment Touya is feeling all the same. and I’m so glad Horikoshi is acknowledging this, because it’s something I probably would have been too uncomfortable to bring up otherwise. as it is it’s still an incredibly heavy subject, and one that I probably have too many personal feelings about
anyway, so once again the whole “we’ll try talking to him and then just shrug our shoulders when it doesn’t work” parenting strategy doesn’t really pan out for the Todoroki fam
sob this boy is Anakin Skywalkering before our very eyes. all that’s missing is AFO to come and start whispering in his ear. any minute now...
“anyway so then he got taller and his fire changed from red to blue”
guess we’re getting pretty close then huh. this is the part of the flashback that I really don’t want to see, but also unfortunately the part that I’m most curious about :/
oh for fuck’s --
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IGNORING HIM FOR FIVE YEARS DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM” sob. back to the drawing board I guess
I thought he got taller, why is he still only like a third of Enji’s height here
oh fuck me these are armor-piercing feels. this is the heavy artillery right here
ENJI I’M BEGGING YOU PLEASE STOP AND THINK FOR ONE MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE BEFORE DOING SOMETHING YOU’LL REGRET FOR THE REST OF ALL TIME. your child just told you that he still thinks beating All Might is the only thing you care about, and that he believes his existence is a mistake unless he finds some way of doing that for you. please stop for a moment to contemplate that and choose your next words with care and grace and oh who the hell am I kidding
-- OR WE COULD JUST BLAME REI
go on and blame everyone but yourself then!! that’s a great solution!! jesus christ man I know this is Endeavor at his literal worst but still this is fucking hard to watch
POOR BABY SHOUTO IS YELLING AT HIS DAD NOT TO HIT HIS MOMMY THIS LITTLE BRAVE BOY NEEDS SO MANY HUGS OH MY GOD
AND MEANWHILE THE OTHERS ARE HUDDLED IN THE NEXT ROOM TRYING NOT TO CRY AH FUCK
(ETA: Fuyu covering Natsu’s ears cuts RIGHT TO THE CORE OF ME. Horikoshi if you’re really not gonna get these kids some therapy then at least consider giving your readers some. what is this.)
you know it’s bad when you’re starting to think the part where the kid burns to death might actually be a less traumatic thing to cut to right now
holy shit, actual Rei thoughts
“I was the one who ultimately made that choice” well there we go, wonder if that’ll put that whole argument to bed at last. I doubt it, but you never know. actually who am I kidding it’s not gonna settle jack shit lol
oh thank god, they decided it was getting too intense and cut away back to the present to narrate this next (final?) part
get ready to cue up that Alicia Keys. THIS BOY IS ON FIREEEEEEE
yeah I think that’s one thing we can mostly all agree on. neither of them had any clue what the fuck they were doing pretty much at any point. though I will say that the hypocrisy of him being all “WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP HIM” followed by him IMMEDIATELY DOING THE EXACT SAME THING is a bit rich
(ETA: and he still has this problem, doesn’t he? he froze up when Ending snatched Natsuo, and again when Dabi was attacking Shouto. he’s so afraid of doing the wrong thing that he ends up not doing anything, which of course is exactly what led to Touya’s death. damn Enji I guess you’ve still got some additional character development to unlock.)
and of course neither of them could possibly have known how badly it was going to turn out. like, the consequences here were WAY disproportionate even for the shittiest of parenting. no one expects “I didn’t know how to talk to my son” to snowball into “my son burned to death and then somehow came back as a villain and murdered thirty people”
ohhhhhhhh fuck me
LITERALLY INCINERATED THE ENTIRE HILLSIDE. fuck. and I am so not ready for the scene of Enji finding the remains of his jawbone afterwards. at least we were spared anything super-graphic (for now at least)
I feel like the timeline here is off, btw?? wasn’t Touya’s death supposed to happen after Rei got hospitalized? this might be the first actual retcon of the entire flashback. although I think it makes more sense this way tbh
I do appreciate that ten years later Enji is finally reflecting on the fact that if he’d just given up his stupid obsession he could have stopped his family from crumbling apart. that probably sounds sarcastic as fuck, but it’s not. there are countless jerks out there who would have still managed to find a way to blame literally everyone and everything under the sun except for themselves. at least he finally figured out how to take responsibility, even if it came too late to stop his son from dying and being radicalized into a villain terrorist organization
and speaking of, it seems to me we’re missing a third and final part to this little tale of woe, and one which only Touya himself will be able to shed any light on. so we’ll see how that goes
oh man seeing the other kids blaming themselves even though none of it was their fault hits hard af. Rei wasn’t kidding when she said they’d been bearing that burden of guilt far longer than Enji
SHOUTO I SWEAR TO GOD IF THE NEXT PANEL IS YOU APOLOGIZING FOR BEING BORN, I WILL... WELL I’LL BE VERY SAD, I GUESS. SO DON’T DO IT
oh good he’s just being quiet. good. it absolutely is not your fault lil bean. it’s not theirs either, but feeling guilty about things that aren’t your fault is a time-honored shounen tradition
goddammit I braced myself for the angsty Shouto panel a page too early. gotta do it all over again now lol. okay here goes
;_;
well well well would you look at that
imagine that. talking things out with your child before they make a rash decision. looks like the Todorokis’ parenting skills are finally leveling up
OH MY GOD
holy shit. this is the most quintessential moment of father/son Todoroki bonding in the entire series. for me it even tops the “nice scar” scene lol. Enji sobbing at the fact that he still has a chance to set things right. and Shouto offering his hand in what is actually the most mature and selfless gesture I’ve ever seen, and being all “we’ll stop him together” to his dad who he hates, but also doesn’t really entirely hate anymore. and all of that is incredibly moving... BUT ALSO HE STILL REFUSES TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HIM AND HE WOULD LIKE HIM TO STOP BEING SO FUCKING DRAMATIC ALREADY IF YOU DON’T MIND. “WHEN YOU’RE DONE CRYING...” fkjldsk
OH MY FUCKING LORD
(ETA: wouldn’t be a Todoroki drama fest if there wasn’t somebody listening in on the whole thing in secret just around the corner lmao.)
“you think we should have waited somewhere else?” “yeah, probably.” “are you feeling a lot of secondhand embarrassment too?” “god, you have no idea.” STFU HAWKS IT’S NOT EMBARASSING TO BE MOVED TO TEARS BY YOUR FAMILY ALL COMING TOGETHER IN YOUR DARKEST HOUR TO GIVE YOU HOPE THAT YOU PROBABLY DON’T DESERVE BUT ARE NONETHELESS INDESCRIBABLY GRATEFUL FOR
and anyway you chose these guys as your found family, bucko. too late to back out now. next time go get yourself adopted by the Iidas then
AND MEANWHILE NO WORD ON THE WHOLE “HOW DID A THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD SURVIVE A FIRE THAT COVERED HIS BODY WITH HORRIFIC SCARS AND MELTED HIS JAW OFF, AND HOW DID HE SOMEHOW THEN MANAGE TO GO INTO HIDING FOR TEN WHOLE YEARS, AND WHAT HAPPENED IN THAT INTERIM TO CHANGE HIS GOAL FROM ‘SURPASS ALL MIGHT TO IMPRESS MY DAD’ TO ‘KILL ALL HEROES TO MAKE MY DAD SUFFER’.” as if we don’t know the answer to that. but still, would it kill Horikoshi to just confirm AFO’s involvement in all of this already. at this point it’s basically just a formality
so here’s hoping next week we’ll either get that, or more Hawks action, or (DARE I EVEN SUGGEST, I’M AFRAID TO JINX IT) finally cut back to Bakugou and Deku and All Might omg. either way I’m hyped
#bnha 302#todoroki touya#dabi#todoroki enji#endeavor#todoroki rei#todoroki shouto#todoroki natsuo#todoroki fuyumi#bnha#boku no hero academia#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#makeste reads bnha#my sincerest apologies for this absurdly long recap which is barely funny at all!#THERE WAS VERY LITTLE HUMOROUS CONTENT IN THIS CHAPTER#congratulations horikoshi you win this round
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At any given moment I'm thinking about Quirin taking care of Varian when he's sick or hurt. Quirin can appear intimidating at first glance because he's kind of a big guy. But when it comes to children, especially his son, he is the most gentle person possible. When Varian would get hurt as a little kid, Quirin would pull all the stops. Soup, big blankets, even the lullaby his wife used to sing. As he got older, Varian got a little grumpy about it, because "I'm 16 dad, i can take care of myself" but he doesnt actually mind that much. Considering everything he's been through, he's glad that his dad is still there to lean on.
This ask is so good and wholesome. ;; I love all of this, ty anon.
I'm all abt Quirin being this big, strong, intimidating guy- a knight with the capacity to be downright formidable and fearsome in battle- but just having a soft heart and a gentle nature.
He does seem to struggle with being emotionally open and available in canon- but I also 100% feel this is smth he improves on over the series, and that it might've not always been the case. + I think Var and children are always gonna be special.
I also love the thought of him making comfort foods for Var that his wife used to make, and singing her old lullabies. It's a bit bittersweet- b/c I can see there still being a bit sadness/grief there, but him doing it anyway b/c he knows how comforting/restorative it is.
WAILS
(Also, this isn't smth I see get mentioned too often re. Quirin and Var, but I think when you have an only child being raised by a single parent, there often tends to be a really strong bond between them? B/c they just depend on each other and become very in tune, and that def factors into my preferred characterization of Quirin and his relationship w/ Var. (And that's not universal ofc- just speaking from my exp.) )
After he's freed from the amber, I also tend to think Quirin would be extra caring and attentive- just from the realization that he could've lost his son- and that he almost died and left him alone. It's that sense of making up for lost time and realizing how precious something is that might've been taken for granted.
And on the flip side, the same goes for Varian, having come out of his villain arc and gotten his father back! He’s more independent/mature by the end, but also prob values having his dad in his life even more. They both go through so much in the series, man.
Also, also, I love the p common fanon that Varian is one of those ppl who gets super engrossed in whatever they're working on, and that he needs to be pulled out of his lab and prodded to remember to eat/go to bed. And like... his dad isn't too happy about these bad habits, but eventually just has to accept them, lol. Like, Quirin bringing Varian a little plate of ham sandwiches and a mug of cocoa or tea after a long night of studying, then shepherding him to bed? Peak fluff.
This turned into a big mushy ramble but listen I just have a lot of feelings abt big apple dad and small science son, ok orz
#the scene in QfaD where Quirin catches the girl falling out of the tree is brief but so adorbs#and how even in What the Hair his immediate priority/concern is finding Var and making sure he's okay#we simp for good dad quirin in this house#Quirin: a very good nurse#but also a scary nurse/bouncer if Var is being a bad patient lol#I adore the idea of them and their little family#text post#ask#quirin#tysm for the ask ;;
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It's not peak brain hours for me rn, so I'm going to write everything about the sunah-mjh conspiracy and what it implies (or at least how I understand it) out to organise it in my head. Pls correct me if I've gotten anything wrong or missed anything
So all in all the goal was to plant ga on as a spy/weakness using isaac's face as an in. At first I thought that mjh had been the one to steer ga on towards being a judge, and I still think that's possible, but I don't think he approached ga on solely with the intent to use him tho. Based on his face at the graduation it seems he already knew her before that. She probably approached him and offered him a position as chief justice in exchange for manipulating ga on. (Also, what's his deal resigning then? What does he really want out of all of this?). I don't think he took care of ga on after his parents died solely for that reason tho, bc i think he's established as a friend of ga on's father, which is how they came to know each other.
Ga on would then be used to attack yohan in the future. On a basic level that meant feeding information back to mjh/acquiring evidence of yohan's shady dealings so they could take him down. Along the line yohan and ga on kinda grew attached to each other, which threw off the plan bc now ga on wasn't willing to betray yohan for mjh. However on a deeper level ga on was meant to serve as a weakness for yohan, emotionally, which was made more possible by them getting closer.
Mjh then uses soo hyun to plant doubts in ga on's mind surrounding the church fire. Then, they kill off soo hyun, and mjh uses soo hyun's death and the church fire to plant suspiscion. Yohan pushes ga on off the edge in the end with the death penalty thing, and mjh takes the opportunity to collect the returns on his investment, talking ga on into outing the court as fake. So in the end ga on's attachment to yohan ends up being beneficial to sunah-mjh, bc it drives him to reveal the truth so he can stop yohan from going too far.
It seems like things are over for yohan, but then it turns out the public still supports him, to the point of wanting to make him president. Deciding to go in for the kill, sun ah-mjh trick ga on into thinking yohan did the church fire and killed soo hyun, prompting the stabbing. Now it seems sun ah did this for the added emotional blow, bc she could have just framed yohan and left it at that. Rather she chooses to target what's closest to him, the two people he cares about most. And we reach the tragic conclusion.
Now, what does this mean for ga on's character? We know that at least his friendship with soo hyun came about free from sun ah's plans. It predated his relationship with mjh, so at least we can assume that his interactions with soo hyun were genuine, and her advice to him was as well, though it may have been influenced by mjh. We know that Ga on becoming yohan's associate judge was not a coincidence, but it's not clear if ga on going to the kang mansion was intended by sunahmjh, bc though we know that the foundation planted the bomb it would be a bit of a gamble to assume it would lead to yohan taking ga on to his house. Either way the closeness achieved there and the drive to help yohan and elijah and feel sympathy for them are all things ga on did on his own
As for ga on choosing to side with yohan over mjh. I don't think this was in the plan, bc obviously if ga on changes sides he'll stop leaking info to mjh. So we can assume that that was ga on's decision, influenced of course by yohan. Funny how we all analysed the ways that yohan manipulated ga on while the real manipulation was coming from mjh lol. Then again, while it might not serve mjh's agenda (whatever that is, we actually don't know) it also serves sun ah's agenda in that it makes ga on more of a weakness to yohan, as he grows fonder of him.
I also dont think sunah-mjh accounted for ga on's dark side. Yohan drew that out, and used it to convince ga on of his way of doing things. It seems mjh did put a lot of effort into making ga on the poster boy of 'righteousness', so that he would remain at odds with yohan, so obviously it doesn't work in his favour to have ga on secretly have a dark side that relates to yohan. Additionally, there's no way mjh or sun ah played a role in ga on's parents' death (or is there..? Mjh has been mentioned to be a friend of ga on's father. hmmm), so whatever effects that had on him (I.e. his thirst for revenge) would have been out of their control.
It seems though that when ga on went to yohan's side, they simply changed the plan to account for it. Sow seeds of doubt via soo hyun, then kill soo hyun and make it look like yohan did it. And then yohan himself inadvertently helped by busting out the whole death penalty. In the end it worked out even better for them, bc ga on gained a lot more insider knowledge by going to yohan's side, and again, his concern for yohan also spurred him into action in order to stop yohan from crossing a line he couldn't uncross, the only way that seemed available.
And then when the situation seems to be turning in yohan's favour, they decide to deliver the final blow, both to him and to ga on. It's devastating to yohan because it targets the two people he cares about most, and threatens to reveal the secret he has sacrificed so much to keep, for elijah's sake. And it's devastating to ga on because suddenly it puts his whole life into question, and he's suddenly faced with the realization that a lot of what he's done had been carefully laid out for him in advance, that a lot of his life has been a tool in someone's big plan. And in the process he has lost all the things he had that were real: his relationships with soo hyun, yohan and elijah. Imagine the weight of realising that all the choices you agonised over, that you made because you believed you were doing the right thing, turn out to be the result of careful manipulation from someone you trusted like a parental figure, and that all the things that could have stopped the force behind that figure have been destroyed because of you and those choices.
Overall it's a very insidious and downright evil plan, especially because it hinged a lot on taking advantage of a young man lost in the wake of tragic events in order to steer his life in a direction meant to serve your sick and twisted goals. And then continuing to do so until your plans bear fruition, then shattering his whole world and moving on. All for the purpose of mentally tormenting some guy who wasn't nice to you when you were a maid that stole things from his house
My only issue with all this is how sun ah knew yohan was going to do all the things he was going to do so far in advance that she could plan ga on's career path accordingly? You could argue sun ah planted ga on purely based on her obsession with yohan, not necessarily expecting him to wage war on the elites. She may have then seen the benefit of ga on as a weakness of yohan's when the fight started and played up that aspect of the plan. Or she set up the live court for the express purpose of having yohan and ga on meet? Not clear on this, if anyone has any thoughts help a sister out.
We'll probably get more info in the finale, and I'll update this post if I think of anything new
#we were all here analysing yohan's 5d chess while sun ah was playing 7d chess in the background skdjs#my head hurts skdj#the devil judge#i listened to the soundtrack for the first time as i wrote this and it did not help :'))#tdj meta
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yo i would love to hear some of ur trans yam headcanons :) (also ps ur art is breathtaking and whenever i see it reblogged on my dash i always come here anyway to read ur tags bc they r so! good!)
thank u 🥺🥺🥺 god im sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a couple days ksdjghsdkjgh not only have i got a LOT of thoughts to put here (this is only a selection of the bigger thoughts skdjghsdkjhg) i was also super busy the past few days!!!! ty for ur patience, ur compliments, and for inviting me to ramble abt my favorite guy!
maybe the one constant in all trans people is just like. our decision to intentionally and purposefully create ourselves, to forced into an identity by outside forces and to turn away from it in search of something else, and that’s ultimately what makes captain yamato read as a trans character to me! He goes through so many identities, and they are meaningful to him, but you can also clearly tell that he’s searching for something that really fits him.
I don’t really have a lot of firm thoughts on what his specific identity would be, I’ve seen some great nonbinary yams, some lovely genderfluid yams, trans guy yams, there’s a great variety and i delight in them all!
I tend to imagine him as transmasculine and nonbinary but male aligned (which means he’d feel at least a partial connection to or comfort with masculinity) and while there are a bunch of labels for this experience of gender (demiboy, bigender, etc etc) i don’t see him as somebody who would use any specific labels, I feel like he’d keep his own experience of his gender fairly private! He’d prefer and be fine with masculine-coded terms of address, and happy enough passing as a guy.
AHH and on names...
I think Kinoe is the only name that I really see as like. a genuine deadname. It’s a name that means “The First” to my understanding, and so like, probably refers to him having the genetics of the first. Therefore, it’s kind of. literally a name referring to him as his biology...boy thats as deadname as it gets, huh? kill that shit and also danzō
Tenzō is also a name thats given to him, but to my understanding (all I know about the anbu arc is picked up thru osmosis lol) it’s a name that’s given to him twice, with affection. Once from Yukimi, who sees him as her brother (not a vessel for the first hokage’s powers, probably for the first time ever—even if it’s still another person’s name) He takes the name, gladly! Unfortunately danzō. anyway,
Later, when he starts to introduce himself to the non-root Anbu as Kinoe, Kakashi cuts him off and names him to the anbu as Tenzō. To my understanding: it’s a name at rest, not a name for one singular mission, but a name for his entire time in Anbu. It’s the name he keeps the longest. Again, it’s a name that’s given to him to him by somebody else, but it’s one that is given with the intention to free him of Kinoe, and all that Kinoe had to be.
(A note on him getting annoyed with Kakashi for calling him Tenzō in main-plot:
Most of this is of course based off of personal experience, but I find it hard to believe that he would actively dislike Tenzō as a name since it was given with such sweet intentions—most of my names have been gifts, and the only one I’ve actively taken out of rotation has been bc i cannot stand the person who used it, and the way it was used, and while Anbu was certainly bad for Yamato...I don’t think it was quite that bad. I think him telling Kakashi to stop calling him Tenzō has more to do with the use of it where it doesn’t belong—for example, while it’s not exactly a name, I am happy to be called “mokutone” here, and you may notice my friends calling me by another name, but if any of those friends called me mokutone in DMs, I would be bothered by that.)
Yamato starts off as an empty codename, given to him for the purposes of his team 7 mission by the Hokage, but I think it gets such a loving and warm association from just...using out in the sunlight, with these kids that he comes to think so fondly of (he’s such a dad. god. he’s such a fucking dad) and with the friends he makes going out drinking and actually having time to socialize—and that means a lot! I think Yamato is probably the name which becomes most meaningful and like a home to him by the end of the series. This is the active name, the name where he is most himself. It’s vital for him to have that space to grow into!
But that said, I personally feel like, if he were to continue beyond the edges of the story, this would not be the final name he bears. He’s probably well aware that a single name cannot contain who he is, or who he wants to be, and while being Given a name can be a beautiful thing (like i said, most of my names are gifts! i treasure them.) I think that, for his character arc, I would like him to name himself at some point. Even if it’s a name that only exists for private spaces, I want him to complete that self determination, to at least try it out, even if ultimately Yamato is the name everyone else will know him by.
Physical Transition Stuff
i will confess i hurt to imagine these shinobi binding 😭😭 even if an individual is binding safely (well made binder, no more than 8 hours, AND No Physically Intense Activity) they stand to risk hurting themself! In real life we gotta balance out the physical pain and the pain of dysphoria, but this is naruto and I’m Gonna Play Some Headcanon Games!
If chakra is both a kind of spiritual energy as well as directly connected to the body (as we learned in the hyūga fight) then it stands to reason that by manipulating ones own chakra, they can manipulate the body, or at least the way the body changes (such as naruto’s healing factor)
This probably is not the safest thing to do unless you’re a mednin or following the directions of one, LMAO
The second the hell of puberty started up for Tenzō he tried to hold it back by sheer force of willpower + chakra manipulation alone
but, manually controlling one’s chakra is like trying to prevent a stream from flowing with your hands alone, which is to say: an exhausting uphill battle.
He’d probably only be doing it on his down time and not on a mission, but even still the most I bet he could make it doing that without getting figured out is two months.
Luckily blockers are readily available, Tenzō just had no idea and, gender being a private experience for him, was trying to handle the whole thing entirely on his own. Soon after attempting to self-regulate hormones him-fucking-self like a very valid but desperate fool, he gets an appointment, gets a prescription, and can chill out and not have to be as hellishly aware of his body constantly.
Konoha mednin will say trans rights even if the village itself is garbage, this series is so god damn weird already, nobody can tell me a ninja taking hormones is somehow weirder than a ninja taking his dead best friends genetic superpower eye.
TWO WEEKS, THREE SPARS, AND ONE VERY EMOTIONALLY DRAINING CONVERSATION LATER:
u might think kakashi is passing him a water bottle and they both look so exhausted bc its post spar but no. physically theyre fine, but the emotional toll of having to talk about something either of them care at all about? miracle they survived.
#lesbians4tenten#Tenzō#yamato#headcanons#kakashi says that so heavily bc both of them hate going to the hospital but blood tests are necessary for HRT usually#also kakashi is definitely trans as well. i have less headcanons about that bc i see him as like. Even More Private than yamato#(he hides 3/4 of his face. trans icon. also personal privacy icon.)#so like skdjghdskjhg him getting involved is not a moment of Concerned Cis Meddling but like. 'ghghhg this is bad. i gotta step in'#i hc that like he was one of those kids that by the time he was four he was like hey dad im a boy and sakumo was like. fuck ok!#i guess i got a son now!#yamato just did not think about it much#also while i see him having long hair as inherently him repressing his identity it has nothing to do with long hair being 'feminine'#esp bc most of the older men in naruto have long hair. sakumo j*raiya orochimaru madara the whole hyūga clan of men#but instead much more to do with. him repressing being tenzō in order to be kinoe for danzō#and if hashirama had long hair. and all he is is a weapon for hashiramas power to be used through. he too will have long hair.#its also why i wont draw yamato with long hair. while he is handsome with long hair...and an argument COULD be made for him reclaiming it#i feel like aesthetically it represents a return to a relationship he had with his body and with the idea of hashirama#that i am not interested in exploring#perhaps in sage mode it goes very long. and then he has a friend cut it off for him every time#that i could draw#ANYWAY I think everyone should have as many names as they want. you want to be called something? that's your name now congratulations#trans? cis? not sure? doesn't matter the world is your oyster and you can be called anything you want#if people dont respect that theyre jealous and being rude af lmao#image desc in alt text#for all thats worth
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