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ecstasyhighway · 3 hours

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no feelings | toji fushiguro

cw: toji is lowkey an asshole here guys, small amount of texting at the beginning, toji catches reader masturbating, no use of y/n, pet names: good girl , pretty , princess , baby , babygirl. pussy eating, deadbeat asshole!toji (sorry its canon i fear) backshots… pussy and ass slaps, cum eating if you squint, squirting. unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it chat) toji cums in reader, the tiniest amount of overstimulation and edging. hes rough with reader.. reader had like two drinks so shes not drunk but tipsy. if i missed anything lmk.

a/n: so why tf did this take me ten years to write…? anywayss. no but fr i need him guys.. like why is he so bad actually like… ALSO this is inspired by fanart on pinterest!! okay enjoy sillies

also not proofread and lowercase intended

you and your friends had just spent a night out at the bar, you had a couple of drinks and you were feeling very emotional and needy. you're in an uber headed to your flat. the small amount of alcohol in your system is clouding your judgment. you head inside dropping all your shit on the floor before plopping down on the couch. you thought to yourself, you need a good dicking down right now. you and toji have been fucking on the low for a year and a half now and you really like him, terrible idea to like the toji fushiguro, but he treats you so well when he wants to… sending toji a text about how you were feeling was definitely not a good idea. yall were just fuck buddies, strictly no feelings attached, but the more you got to know him the more you started to develop feelings for him. you reach for your phone and send a text to toji.

'i lovre yoh <3'

'wtf? yk I said no feelings. do i need to come over there and fuck some sense into you?'

'noo'

'why are you acting that way? are you drunk?'

'i habd two drinkds im just a little tipsky'

'ok…why'd you send me that stupid braindead text hmm?'

'cus i missd yoouh'

'well then be prepared pretty. imma fuck you til you can't think straight.'

you felt yourself getting wet at the thought of him, you rub your thighs together trying to get some friction. You felt so light headed, just thinking about his body and how good he always fucks you. without thinking your snake your hand into your pants, you begin to rub your clit through your underwear. Needy whimpers leave your mouth as you try to relive the aching feeling in your body. You were so lost in trying to get yourself off you didn't even notice the faint sound of keys jingling, and the door opening.

"what are you doing?" your hear toji's voice echo through your brain and you look up. He looks displeased with you. "y'knew I was coming over right?" you sit up and look at him through your lashes and you nod, feeling embarrassed. "then why are you touching yourself hmm?"

"i jus couldn't wait you were taking too long, i jus' need you so bad" your voice sounds pathetic and he can't help but look at you with fake pity.

"so lemme get this straight, you text me talking about you love me, knowing that'll make me mad.. then you touch yourself knowing I was headed this way which you knew would also piss me off…then you give me some pathetic excuse? oh…" he grabs your face forcing you to look at him "you must want me to break you huh? you want me to fuck you until you can't walk? until you forget your own name? how embarrassing…" he laughs slightly and lets go of your face "get up and go to your room, sit there and wait for me, I'll be there in a minute."

you go to your room and sit there patiently waiting for him to come upstairs. Your heart was beating so fast you could hear it in your ears. It feels like years go by as you wait for toji to come upstairs, you consider going back to the living room and seeing what he was doing but… you know that that'll just make him even more angry.. so you wait, but the feeling in your core is getting harder to ignore. after what seems like hours, finally you hear heavy footsteps from outside your room. The door swings open and he walks up to you, you feel his eyes staring into your soul so you look down, not wanting to look him in his eyes.

he grabs your face making you look at him. "look at me" his voice is harsh and demanding, sending shocks to your core. You look up at him and he smirks, "good girl…" he strokes your cheek with his thumb softly, still looking at you with that sadistic smirk. "please.." you whine trying to get him to stop teasing you. His expression turns cold and he lets go of your face.

"lie down" you listen to him and you sit back on your bed. Toji slowly takes off your leggings. Once he sees the wet spot on your lacy underwear, he rubs your clit through them which causes you to buck your hips at the subtle contact. "you're so wet… all this for me baby?" hes still rubbing small circles on your clit, you whimper and try to grind on his hand to get more friction but he holds your hips in place stopping you from moving. "you're so needy" he laughs before tearing off your panties throwing them over his shoulder. the cold air hits your exposed cunt causing you to try to close your legs but he stops you.

"toji please.." he slaps your pussy and you yelp. He doesn't even give you a warning before begins sucking on your pretty clit "fu-fuck" your hips jerk as he eats you out like he was a starved man. you feel him insert two fingers into you, the mixture of both his fingers and his mouth on your cunt has you seeing stars. The sounds of his slurping and your moans are making you want more, you begin grinding on his face and he groans into your pussy sending vibrations up your spine. His assault on your clit doesn't stop, his fingers pumping in and out of you, hitting your g-spot every time. "mmfh m'gon- please ughfm dont stop m'gonna cum" your voice is loud and breathy, you grind on his face faster feeling your stomach knot up, suddenly you no longer feel him anymore causing you to open your eyes.

"noo..why i was s'close" he doesn't respond to you, he just takes off his pants letting his dick free, pre-cum leaking from the tip. He gives it a couple of strokes before walking up to you and throwing your legs on his shoulders, holding you by your thighs. He rubs his tip against your clit, coating his cock with your slick, he groans as he continues "fuck- you think you can squirt on my dick babygirl?" he doesn't even give you a chance to respond before he slides his dick into your cunt, bottoming out, you mewl at the feeling, clamping down on his cock. He groans above you "you're takin me 's well pretty" he begins thrusting into you, a slow and agonizing pace "fuck toj' faster" he takes a hand and puts it around your throat, squeezing slightly, thumb stroking your bottom lip softly. "y' want me to go faster? nah imma take my time." he continues with his slow strokes, you can feel every inch of him. his tip kissing your cervix with each thrust "look at that baby… hahh fuck- your pussy is so pretty- just swollowing my cock" he reaches down and rubs your puffy clit. its taking everything in him to not just go crazy on you yet, he wants to draw this out as much as he can. "toj' umhpf please-" you're so cock drunk you're just babbling incoherent nonsense. his pace is still slow pulling in and out of you, his balls hitting the plush of your ass softly. your moans are like music to his ears, making his cock even harder. he pulls out and slaps your pussy harshly. tears began to well in your eyes "that hurts" you pout. he leans down to suck on your bottom lip, moving to your neck, leaving dark hickeys on your jawline "awwh does it hurt? thats too bad… stop cryin" he says while wiping the tears from your cheeks.

"turn over." his voice was deep and demanding. you slowly turn and whine when you feel him slap your ass then knead the flesh before landing another harsh slap on your soft skin. "you are being such a good girl baby" he pushes your head into the pillows and spreads your lips while groaning before licking a thick stripe up your slit. "you taste so good princess" he purrs, licking and planting kisses on the sensitive bud. he gives your pussy another slap before getting up and stroking his dick. "mmhf tojii ah stop doin that" he slaps your ass "shut up you're fine" with his cock in hand he slams into you, "ah uhmf toj' so good" he pulls out and slams back in, his pace speeds up with each thrust into your sopping wet cunt. the noises of his balls hitting the plush of your ass, your moans and the sound of your pussy was enough to make him cum right there, but he can hold off just a little longer. he grabs a handful of your hair so he can fuck deeper into you, he finally has a steady pace and rhythm that has you seeing stars and squeezing around him. "ah ah ah ah ah shit keep going" he pulls your hair back, making you arch your back into him. you feel that familiar knot in your stomach "fuh-toji uhmf m'gonna cum" his pace quickens and he lets go of your hair, placing his hand on your lower belly adding pressure "go ahead princess cum on my cock, make a mess on me" you squeeze around him, the pressure he added and his words drove you to your climax, "shi- m'cumming hah" your eyes roll to the back of your skull as you shake from the overstimulation of him still thrusting into you. "you can give me one more right baby?" as he continues to stuff you with his cock he starts rubbing your clit. your brain is hazy and you cant think straight, the only things leaving your mouth is his name and a string of broken moans. "jus one more c'mon cum on my dick again baby" he watches as a ring of your cum covers the base of his dick "m'gon-fuck toj m'cummi-" the clear liquid spurting out of you cuts you off mid sentence, covering his dick in your juices, this is what throws him to the edge. the feeling of you squirting on him, covering both you and himself in your liquids has him losing his rhythm, you notice this and begin fucking yourself into him "wan your cum toji cum in me please" "oka- shit, m'gonna pump you full with my cum- uhmfuck shit" he holds your hips in place while thick ropes of his warm cum paints your walls white, you moan feeling another orgasm build up in your core. you shake from overstimulation, tears staining your cheeks as you let yourself go, you whine and pant, fucking yourself onto his cock to ride out your third orgasm. he pulls out of your warm cunt, watching both his and your cum leak from your hole. he stuffs it back into you, then licks his fingers tasting the salty sweet mixture.

he gets up and puts his clothes back on, leaving your limp, cum filled body on your bed. "alright baby, imma go, you uhh clean yourself up, don't text me with that bs again aigh? oh and i know you're on the pill but still i don't want kids so make sure u ain pregnant, get that mornin after pill if you need too, aigh im out princess" he gives you a final slap on your ass before leaving. you hear him go downstairs, grab his keys to your flat and leave, locking the door behind him. leaving you there full of his cum, tears rolling down your cheeks, body still coming down from the three orgasms you had. you just lie there for a minute, will you send him an i love you text again? maybe… he normally pulls up for a quickie. so for him to fuck you like that… you need it again. you stand up on your sore legs, almost falling over before you head to your bathroom to clean yourself up.

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yeah chat i might need him asap… hope yall enjoyed fr

#—ecstasyhighway #jjk toji #jjk smut #toji zenin #toji fushiguro #toji smut #toji x reader #jujutsu toji #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen smut

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aswefindourwayback · 3 days

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Pit In My Gut, In The Shape Of You

Authors Note: this is an AU where spence is a song writer 😀 i know, crazy. but whatever. this does have a part 2 so lmk if that’s something yall want to see. also this part one isn’t really focused on spence, its more focused on the girl. part 2 would be more spencer focused. hope yall like it! feedback is always appreciated.

wc: 5373

Warnings: stupid man (not spence) who says some mean things

They were best friends. Everyday, they were stuck to each other's side. Whether they were out on adventures, or just at home watching the worst rom-coms ever made. They never got sick of eachother. She always feared that those who loved her, would eventually grow to hate her and get annoyed by her. That even the little things she did, would result in them leaving. Because they have before. But he never left. He stayed by her side for 3 summers.

But then something changed. He stopped asking her about her hobbies, her interests, her days. He stopped kissing her goodnight. He stopped bringing her lilies, her favorite flower. And one day, he just seemed to stop loving her. Then one day, he just left without a word. All he left in their two bedroom apartment was a note saying “I can’t do this anymore”.

She had noticed the change in his behavior, but she thought it was just a rough patch that most couples go through. She thought everything would go back to normal. She thought if she tried enough, he would stay. She stopped going on tangents about anything and everything. She took on less hours at work to try and cook for him everyday. She tried to make plans with him. But he wouldn’t give her the time of day. She wondered what she did wrong. Was it something she did, something she said. Did she talk too much? Did he start to think her obsession with things was weird? Or did he simply just fall out of love with her? What could she do to change and bring him back.

The day he left, was the day her whole world fell apart. She quit her job, stopped taking care of herself, and stopped seeing her friends and family. Those around her grew worried, but there was nothing they could do. They couldn’t get her to eat, bathe, or even open the door to their her apartment.

2 years pass and Elaine has managed to move on. Now she has a new amazing job that she loves and some new friends. She moved out of the two bedroom apartment she once shared with her past lover, and moved into a one bedroom apartment that she absolutely adores. She has decorated it to be somewhat like her dream apartment. She’s got bookshelves lining a whole wall, the bookshelves filled with all of her favorite books and some memorabilia she’s gathered from traveling and from sharing memories with friends and family. The rest of her walls are filled with posters and pictures of things from her interests to friends and family.

She still fears that if she puts herself out there, that people will start leaving her again, and she doesn’t think she can go through the heart break again. She has closed herself off in some ways. She stopped sharing her interests with people, when asked about her day, she keeps it to a minimum. If she saw a rat on the subway on her way to work, she would say so. But she would refrain from talking about how it was the size of her arm and that it was carrying 2 slices of pizza on its back. Something else that she had started doing that she hadn’t noticed was that she started dressing in more bland colors. No more rainbows, sparkles, odd patterns, but more basics in black, white and beige. All the colors and patterns can come off too strongly to some people, better to keep the brightness to a minimum. But she is happier now. Happier than she was 2 years ago at least.

Elaine now works at the biggest music production company in the country, hoping that one day, she will be able to touch people's hearts with her music. One day, as she is on the way to a coffee shop during her break, she sees him. She sees his brown curly hair and his favorite jacket, waiting in line to order his favorite, an iced latte and a slice of banana bread… Zeke.

As she stands and stares in the doorway, she sees someone walk up to him and wrap an arm around his waist. She’s blonde and absolutely gorgeous. Probably the most beautiful woman that she’s ever seen. Whilst she examines the woman, she notices something on the woman's ring finger. A ring. An engagement ring. Simple, but elegant.

Elaine debates whether she should leave or stay and order her coffee. Before she can make her decision, he turns and spots her. He stares at her. She can’t seem to read his face. The woman whispers something into his ear and he looks down at his fiance and laughs. He turns back around to order their drinks.

Elaine stood there, motionless, wondering did he forget me? Is it that easy to forget me? What we had? Or did he just not want to acknowledge me? He’s obviously moved on, so should I. Maybe I should start seeing someone.

It was now Elaine’s turn to order, she stepped up to the cashier and ordered her usual, an iced coffee and a cheese danish for herself, as well as an americano and blueberry muffin for her coworker, to go. Once she paid, she stepped to the side and waited for them to call her name, indicating that her order was ready. As she waited, she tried her best to not acknowledge him. She didn’t look in his direction and didn’t stand near them. But he kept taking small glances at her. She could see this out of the corner of her eye and didn’t understand why he was doing this. Was it to see if she was jealous, if she was still heartbroken? Maybe he was trying to get a rise out of her.

Her name was called by one of the barista’s and she picked up her order and walked out the door as fast as she could. As soon as Elaine stepped out the door, it felt like she could finally take the breath that she didn’t realize she was holding. Before walking back to work, she looked back at him, but he wasn’t looking. Instead, he was pulling the woman, his fiance, close and kissing her, as if he knew Elaine was watching, wanting to make her feel some way.

As soon as she got back to work, Elaine dropped off the muffin and coffee at her coworkers desk. She was making her way back to her desk when her coworker, spencer, the one she had bought a muffin for, walked up to her and told her that their boss wished to speak to her. spencer gave her a shy smile as he walked away. Elaine raced to her boss’s office where she was told that she had to write a song for one of her favorite artists. She was told to write a ballad about being heartbroken, a song that would make people's hearts sink when they listen to the song. She told her boss that it was no problem, not wanting to be a disappointment. She immediately got to writing. She sat in one of the small studios in the building and began writing. She wrote lyrics as she played various chords on the piano. She worked for hours on end until the sun began to rise again. She hadn’t eaten or slept, but she believed she had written one of her favorite songs yet.

Once she had finished writing the song, she noticed it was 5 am. Elaine decided to race home quickly to refresh and then come back to the studio to show her boss the song she had just written, to get her boss's input. To say she was nervous was an understatement. As much as she loved her job, she hated having to share her work, for fear it would not be well received. She fears that the songs she works on aren't enough. But she pushed through her doubts, because at the end of the day, if she doesn’t believe in herself, then no one will.

She played the song for her boss, and they loved it. They told her to immediately record a demo of it and send it to the client. With that, she got to work. Stepping into one of the studios, the girl found spencer, the blueberry muffin lover. She immediately raced to him with excitement, telling him about how their boss loved the song she had written and wanted her to record a demo for it and send it to her favorite artist.

“That’s amazing! I’m not surprised honestly, you’re an amazing songwriter and musician. It was only a matter of time before your talent was recognized.” he smiled softly at her.

With the help of a producer, she recorded the demo and had it sent to the client, who absolutely loved it and wanted it to be the first single off their new album. Elaine was ecstatic because not only did she love it, but so did her boss and her favorite artist. Soon after, the client came to the recording studio in the building and started recording the song with the help of the girl and a few producers.

Once they had finished recording the song, the client stood there in silence. Elaine felt like she was melting in that studio, full of people she respects and admires. What of it turned out that they didn’t like the song anymore? That they didn’t want it anymore? What if they wanted someone else to write a song for them?

Finally, the client spoke, looking right at Elaine “You know, I don’t think I’m doing this song justice. I think you should record it, properly, and release it under your name. You’ve got an amazing voice and incredible song writing skills. I don’t think it’s fair of me to take this song from you.”

Elaine thought she was being messed with but after a few moments, realized that the client was being serious. It took a bit of convincing, but Elaine agreed to releasing this song under her own name. Of course she was shitting bricks at the thought of putting herself out there as a singer, but it was something she was excited for. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she was on the right path.

Leading up to the release of her first single, there were countless meetings and dinners with important people. People who had power in the music industry. So many contracts that had to be signed. She began to doubt whether it was something she was worthy of. All these people were taking a big risk in working with her. What if she turned out to be a waste of time, money, and effort.

One specific day, while she worked with lawyers and managers on getting her new career started, she stepped out of her office building to take a breather and gather her thoughts. But, as she does, she sees him, Zeke. He’s standing there with his big brown eyes looking directly at her. They stood there staring at each other, 8 feet apart, not saying a word.

After what seems like hours, he walks to her, not breaking eye contact. Her heart starts racing, wondering why he’s here, why he’s walking towards her. As soon as they are in arm's reach of each other, he hands her an envelope. She reluctantly takes it from his hand and sees her name written on the front, in beautiful cursive.

“It’s an invitation… to my wedding. It’s in a few months and I want you there. I know I kinda left abruptly and you’re probably pissed at me, but I hope between now and the wedding, we can reconnect and be happy for eachother. I mean I’m engaged now and you’re obviously seeing someone.”

She’s taken back by this comment, why does he think I’m seeing someone?

He sees the confusion on her face “At the coffee shop, you ordered two drinks and two pastries. I assumed that you were getting it for your partner.”

When he says this she thinks shit but she also thinks, since he’s moved on, she should pretend that she has too.

She tells him “Yeah, I’m seeing someone. I met him here at work a couple years ago.”

“Great, I’m glad we could both move on and be happy for eachother. I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat or a coffee sometime. We can catch up and reconnect?”

She agreed. She was curious as to why he left that day. It had been in the back of her mind for the past 2 years. Why not take this chance to find out? They set a time and date to meet and then said their goodbyes to each other.

For the next week, Elaine worked and worked, trying to get her new life in order. She made her way to the coffee shop they had agreed to meet at. As soon as she walked in, she saw him sitting at a table in the corner. He smiled and waved her over. She walked over and sat down, noticing that he had already ordered for the both of them. In front of her, on the table, sat her favorite drink, but it was hot. She hated hot drinks. Even when it was freezing outside, she always ordered cold drinks. A pastry sat next to the drink, it was a pastry that she’d never tried.

“I remember these were your favorites. I’m not sure if they still are but hopefully you still like them.”

“Yeah, thanks” she says with a smile. She hated that she still loved him, after all this time. Even after he got her coffee order wrong and claimed it was her favorite.

They sat there in silence wondering what to talk about.

“So uh, how have you been since… you know” Zeke says, giving her a toothy smile.

“Since you left me out of the blue? Yeah I’m doing pretty good” she says with a laugh

He lets out a chuckle

“I’ve got a new job, new apartment, new partner. I’m doing great. How about you?”

“Yeah, I’ve been good. I got a big promotion, new house, and I’m getting married to an amazing woman.”

When he says this, she feels her heart sink into her stomach.

“Tell me about her.” she says

“Well, she is a nurse. During her free time, she volunteers at an animal shelter. She’s constantly bringing home stray animals as well, hoping she can find them new homes. One of the things I love about her. She uh, she also loves painting. She’s constantly painting something new. We have about 20 of her paintings around the house.” he says with a smile on his face. “Tell me about your guy. What’s he like?”

Elaine panics as he says this. She doesn’t have a guy. So she thinks of someone she could describe, spencer.

As she begins speaking, she smiles “Um, well, he’s a songwriter. We met at work when he was asked to write a song and he needed some help. We sort of hit it off from there. He plays the guitar like it's no one's business. But he can play so many other instruments like the bass, drums, piano, and quite surprisingly, the banjo.” She laughs when she says this, thinking about how absurd it is that spencer can play the banjo. Not only can he play it, but he plays it so well, he might as well be a professional banjo player, if that’s even a thing.

Elaine continues “He loves getting up early in the morning and going to watch the sunrise. And he loves cooking. He makes the best pesto pasta. You should come over one day and try it.”

“I’d love to. We should all get together one day and have dinner. My fiance and I and you and your mate.”

“Yeah, just let me know when you two are free. spencer and I usually only busy during the day.”

“I’ll check with my fiance but yeah, I’ll let you know. What else have you been up to? Any gossip going around that you can share? I’m sure there’s a ton with the amount of celebrities you work with.”

She hates that he’s asking her this. She told him everyday that she did not feel comfortable sharing anything she heard at work, as it was not any of her business and she wouldn’t weather business being aired out either.

“Not so much gossip that I can share but, I am currently in the process of releasing a song.”

“Really?” he asks in a doubtful tone. “That’s… amazing! I know how much you wanted to be a big song writer, and now you’re gonna be a big star.”

“I’m not so sure about being a big star.”

“Oh no, believe me, you are gonna go on to play in stadiums and sell out tours, and win awards. Trust me, I know you, and I know how talented and hard working you are. You’re gonna be the biggest star anyones ever seen." His tone makes him seem like he’s being sarcastic.

She feels her cheeks turn red, not from flattery, but from anger. He never once said he believed in her. Never once stated that she was talented. Always changing conversation topics when she would bring up her work.

“Thank you. I’m really excited for this next step in my life.”

“Yeah, no problem. I’m glad we saw each other that day, and that we can talk now. And again, I’m sorry for leaving abruptly all those years ago. I’m not sure what exactly happened but, I’m sorry. I really am” he says. But she doesn’t believe him. She doesn’t think he’s actually sorry for his actions.

“It’s okay. Things happen. People change and there’s nothing we can do about it. Listen, it’s getting late and I should get going, but let me know when we can all sit down and have dinner.”

“Yeah of course, take care.”

They stand up and hug before leaving. As soon as they touch, she remembered what it felt like to be with him. She sank into his arms immediately, not wanting to let go. She hoped that time would freeze. That she could be his for even another minute. Maybe there’s a chance he could love her again. Maybe she could be enough this time. But eventually, they did part. They walked out of the shop together and then went different directions.

As soon as she got home, she panicked thinking I gotta talk to “my guy”. She picks up her phone and texts spencer, asking him to meet her in front of her apartment building in an hour. He fortunately agrees without questioning it.

An hour later, they meet at the front of her apartment building.

“Hey, What’s up? Are you okay? Why’d you need to meet so soon?” he says while walking up to her, worry was sketched into his face.

“Well you see, I may or may not have bumped into my ex who is now engaged and then talked to him and now he thinks that I’m also seeing someone when I’m not because I need him to think that I have moved on because he moved on and he invited me to his wedding and he needs to think I’ve moved on and that I’m happy.”

“I-. Seems like you’ve gotten yourself in quite the predicament.” he lets out a small laugh. “But why do you need me, specifically?”

“I need you to pretend that we’ve been dating for like a year and maybe, possibly, pretty please, be my date to their wedding.”

“Oh.” he laughs “I mean, sure. I’m down to help you out. Let me know what our story is so that I can get into character” he jokes

“Really? Are you sure? You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I know this is a weird request and stuff.” She's beginning to regret her decisions and panics a bit.

“Yeah. I’m totally down. It actually sounds kind of fun, almost like I’m crashing a wedding but I'm not. I also sort of owe you for all the help at work. I wouldn’t have been able to get some of those projects done so quickly without you.”

“Oh, yeah that was no problem. But are you really sure you’re okay with helping me with this?”

“Most definitely. Text me the details when you can. We can begin scheming.” he tells her as he begins to walk away.

She tells him “Alright. Thanks spencer, I really appreciate it.”

As he turned around, Elaine swore she saw his eyes twinkle.

She goes back to her apartment and takes a breath and wonders what the hell did I get myself into.

A month has passed and it’s time for all four of them to have dinner together. They all meet at Elaine's apartment. Since Elainel has been working every hour of every day, her “partner” arrives at her apartment ahead of time so that he can prepare dinner for everyone.

Zeke and his fiance, Kayla, arrive and they all gather around the table and begin to eat. They all make small talk with each other, starting with whatever is on the news. As time went on, they all began to feel comfortable enough around each other to talk about what’s happening in their lives and how everyone knows each other. As far as Kayla knows, Zeke and Elaine were friends a few years back til work got in the way and they lost touch.

Throughout the whole dinner, Zeke tries to steal glances at the girl but she doesn’t give in. He tries grazing her leg with his foot but she ignores it. She doesn’t understand why he’s doing this. He’s happily engaged with a new job and new house.

spencer soon notices how uncomfortable Elaine is and tries his best to subtly reassure her. He pulls her chair a little closer to himself, not realizing that he’s just saved her from having the man touch her leg again. He asks her if she’s okay and she tells him she’s fine, giving him a smile that he can see right through.

They all talk and laugh all night until it’s time for Zeke and Kayla to go home. The couple say their goodbyes and leave.

spencer stays back and helps Elaine clean.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asks her.

“Yeah, I just- It was just weird, the whole dinner thing.” she tries to brush him off. But he doesn’t let up.

“Don’t lie to me. I could see how visibly uncomfortable you were. Was he doing something to make you uncomfortable?”

“No, he didn’t do anything. Please just drop it. It’s been a long night.” she says, feeling exhausted.

“Fine. But this conversation isn’t over yet.” he says as he begins to walk out.

“Thanks.” she calls out to him before he can walk out the door. “For helping me and for cooking dinner tonight. I really appreciate it. The pesto was really good. And thanks for checking up on me, you didn’t need to.” she tries to put on a smile for him. But he can’t help but see right through it, and knows right now isn’t the time to push her to talk yet.

He simply nods and tells her “It was no problem. I’m always here if you need anything.” He smiles at her as he walks out the door. Telling her goodnight and that he’d see her the next day.

A few hours later, Elaine is in her apartment, getting ready for bed when all of a sudden, there’s a knock at her door. She walks to the door to see who could possibly be knocking at her door so late at night. She opens it to see Zeke. She wasn’t sure what to do. Not only did she feel exhausted, but she also wanted to know what was going through his head, why was he here?

She tells him to come in and asks him why he’s back at her apartment, especially so late at night.

He looks at her and just says “I love you. I never stopped loving you. I’ve loved you since the first night I met you. I never stopped loving you.”

She’s confused and angry. He left her, out of the blue, and immediately got into another relationship. He made her feel small and foolish. He made her feel unlovable. Unworthy.

She looks him in the eyes and asks “Then why did you leave?”

He holds her stare and says “Because I was an idiot. I didn’t know what I wanted.”

“You didn’t know what you wanted? Really? That’s your answer?”

“Well it’s not like it’s entirely my fault that our relationship ended the way it did. I mean, you had as much of a role in our demise as I did.”

“Excuse me?” She can’t believe him and his audacity “Tell me, what the fuck did I do that made our relationship end? Please, tell me. Go on then.”

“Well I mean, for starters, you were always talking about yourself. You know what, no, you just were always talking. Nonstop. It’s like you couldn’t stand the fucking silence or letting someone else talk. Like who cares if you saw a rat on the subway. It’s New York City for fucks sake. That shit happens everyday.”

“What else?” she asked, trying to keep the tears from falling.

“You are always so full of yourself. You really think you’re talented? You really think you can amount to something? You write songs. Woo fucking hoo, congratulations. Millions of people can do that, it doesn’t make you special. Just because you got given this new career, doesn’t mean shit. Talentless people make and release music all the time. It doesn’t mean shit. When are you gonna realize that you don’t matter. That people aren’t going to love you like I do.”

“Stop spewing that shit at me. You have no right to say that.”

“No, I have every right considering I wasted so many years on you.”

Eventually, she lost it. Tears were streaming down her face and she stopped holding back.

“I was a fool for loving you and thinking you loved me too. I did everything for you. Everything I did was all for you. But it didn’t mean shit to you. You kept me waiting for your love for years. And I acted like it was fine, like I was fine. I thought maybe someday you’d come around and that it would be something we laughed about when we were older. But I finally learned my lesson. I was naive and foolish to think you could ever love anyone but yourself.”

“Stop with the theatrics for god's sake. All you needed to do when we were together was give me space and be chill and hold your fucking tongue. I’m trying to give you a chance with me again. Just take me back and we can pretend this never happened. You can have a purpose in life again.”

She stares at him not knowing that to say or do. She can’t believe the audacity of this man to come into her home and say that shit. She can’t believe that at one point in time, she loved him.

“Go.” she tells him.

“What the fuck are you saying.”

“Go, get out. Get out of my fucking apartment, I never want to see you again.” Elaine said as she pointed towards the door.

He looked at her in disbelief “I walk out that door, then this is over for good.” He gestured between them, “You won’t get another chance.”

“Leave.”

“Fine, just remember that you did this to yourself. Have fun spending the rest of your life alone and unsuccessful.”

He walks out of the apartment and she slams the door shut.

The girl had a lot of regrets in her life. But her biggest regret was him. She regretted putting him on such a pedestal. For treating him like he was the sun. For years, she watched him as he tolerated her. She was a fool for him. She waited patiently, but she was never enough for him.

Her first single made it to the top 10 on the charts. Her schedule was booked full with interviews from various magazines and entertainment channels. Everyone kept asking her “When’s the album coming out?” “Who's the song about?” “Is there a potential love interest in your life right now?” “This man claims the song was written about him, is it true?”. Millions of questions, some that she refused to answer.

Her first few months of fame were chaotic to say the least. The only time she felt at peace and like she could be herself was when she was in the studio where she first wrote the song. Oftentimes, she would sit in that studio and just sit in silence, savoring the calm. As she’s about to close her eyes and take a little nap, she hears a knock on the door. She calls out to the person behind the door stating that they could come in. The door opens and she sees it’s her “partner”. She smiles as spencer walks in, taking a seat next to her.

“So, how’s fame treating you?”

“It’s pretty tiring if I’m honest.” she laughs

“It looks tiring.” he laughs with her. “Why are you here alone? Shouldn’t you be mingling with the big names right now? You know, out partying and stuff.”

“Not my kind of thing. How are things with you? What have you been up to?”

“Just the same old stuff. The only difference is that my projects are getting out slower now that my writing partner is big and famous.” he says jokingly

“Writing partner? Really? Since when did I get promoted to your “writing partner”?”

“I’m only joking. But yeah, it’s not the same around here without you.” he smiles softly at her “I never got to check up on you after that dinner. Are you okay?”

“Well I mean, I’m as okay as I can be. No one really teaches you what to do when a “good man” hurts you, so.”

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that. He seems like an ass. ”

“You only met him once.” she stated, letting out a small laugh. She continues “Yeah, you know what’s crazy? He came back to my apartment a few hours after dinner.”

“Why? What did he want?”

“He just asked for me to take him back, and when I said no, he told me it wasn’t just his fault that we ended the way we did. He said it was also my fault. He also said some other fucked up shit but, it doesn’t matter. He was right.”

“Whatever he said, that night, don’t believe him. You guys ended because he’s a dick, not because of anything you did.”

“You don’t know what happened.”

“No, I don’t. But I do know you. I know you Elaine. You are a talented songwriter. You are someone who never gives up. Someone who will put others before herself. Someone who is unstoppable. Someone who loves unconditionally and is also unconditionally loved. Someone who remembers everyone's favorite order at the coffee shop so that no one feels left out. You are worthy of all the good in the world. I know who you are. ”

She looks at him. Wondering if she really is worth it.

But she simply replies “Thank you.”

When she’s left with her own thoughts, Elaine starts to wonder, would she be able to sail through the changing ocean tides? Maybe. Would she be able to handle the seasons of her life? Maybe.

All she knows is that she’ll always believe in herself. Believe that there are people who love her. That support her. That appreciate her. That see her, for who she truly is.

Maybe one day.

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