#all of the moments that i need for me to indulge in kpop are already fulfilled | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

purplesurveys · 2 years

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indulge me for a moment! saw this cute lil twitter thread by @silverykoo and wanted to give it a shot myself (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

1. what is a bts song you recently rediscovered? (you listened to it again for the first time in a long time and fell in love) Intro: Skool Luv Affair. That “You give me life” by the middle hits so fucking hard.

2. how often do you re-watch bts music videos? do you think knowing their music videos is as important as knowing lyrics? I’ve honestly never been a big fan of music videos, even before BTS...and I admit that’s a bit of a flaw on my end because I know a big part of the BU comes to life in their music videos. I do try to rewatch them every now and then, but it’s not very often at all. As for their importance, they’re definitely important - especially those that fall under the BU storyline.

3. what is your favourite song to see in concert? Not just concerts but in music shows, award shows – Dionysus. Easily. Dope is also a lot of fun and I am OBSESSED with the rock and roll spin they did to the live version.

4. everybody was once a baby army. what is a stupid thing you believed as a baby army that is funny now? That Taehyung gave up being part of the rapline to offer it to Hobi instead.

5. tell me a story about how you almost became an army earlier but missed your chance. I had virtually zero chances before 2020, to be completely honest with you; they just weren’t on my radar besides me occasionally catching Boy With Luv on the radio when I used to drive to school. The closest would probably be sometime in late 2020, when Angela was already into BTS and was trying to get me on board. My Spotify search history revealed I apparently listened to Dynamite in December of that year but nothing came out of that; I only started getting invested in them for real by the end of March 2021.

6. what do you think about kpop music? what makes it enjoyable/un-enjoyable for you? I think it could be very complicated for anyone who isn’t into it. There is a very common sentiment of “I don’t get it” or “I don’t see myself ever liking K-Pop” for those who don’t listen to it – and I completely get it as I used to think like that, with the language barrier being a huge, if not the main deterrent. But then that moment of spark happens - maybe a member being hilarious, hearing the right song at just the right time? - that gets the ball rolling for every future fan. And all of a sudden you get the songs. You get the excitement and you get the thrill. It’s a very “if you’re in you’re in if you’re out you’re out” sort of relationship, I think.

I personally don’t find any unenjoyable part about the genre – it’s the machinery I have a problem with, like in the way they force idols into extremely rigid diets or the way they dress those who are debuting and are like 15 years old.

7. if you listen to kpop, name your top 5 kpop acts (non-bts) I don’t listen to other acts as much as I do BTS but I do enjoy SHINee, Twice, Jessi, Enhypen, and Ravi.

8. fill in the blank: armys need to stop fighting with __________ Blinks. They are a waste of time, lmao.

9. what is a bts song that hits home for you? Life Goes On, just because it’s the song that permanently converted me into a fan. I cried when I heard it for the first time. 00:00 as well.

10. how would you (realistically) react if you ran into a bts member in the wild? Run the fuck away. My ass would be terrified LMAO

11. qrt with the one photo that you have been gatekeeping Meh I don’t feel like going through the 30,000 photos on my phone hahahaha.

12. what is one food from your country that you think bts will love? Those boys like anything pork so I’d probably serve them sisig. Plus points because it’s spicy, too.

13. how long did it take you to listen to their entire discography? Not too long, honestly. I can’t remember too clearly anymore but I’m pretty sure I binged all their albums within a week. Soundcloud is a different story though; it took me a few months to catch up with their unreleased songs and demos.

14. what is the one song that you looped endlessly as a baby army? Dionysus and Singularity. Dionysus was because MMA 2019 was the first performance of theirs I watched and was hoooooooooked on how they did the song. Singularity became an obsession after I watched Bang Bang Con 2021 and lost my shit over Tae singing on a bed. I literally made a “singularity but make it 10 times” playlist on Spotify that I still keep around haha.

15. what was the first bts lyric that made you realize bts are incredible songwriters? Ma City. Just that entire song and being able to incorporate each of their hometowns...so cool. There’s also this really good Korean wordplay on Butterfly that has stuck with me ever since – it’s from Namjoon’s verse and he raps, “My love that is forever, it's all free for you.” I won’t get into the actual wordplay anymore since it’s a little complicated but my god, what a stroke of genius.

16. have you ever tried to get an irl into bts? how did that work out? Not really. I like to gatekeep my boys, lol.

17. what is the first thing you would teach bts in your language? Probably something useful like asking for the restroom so they can get around easily hahaha.

18. if bts came to your country and you were their personal guide, where would you take them? Zambales. It’s a lowkey beach town and I feel like they could get a lot of rest and recharging there. When it comes to nearby places, probably Pinto but I feel like it’d only be Namjoon who’d enjoy it the most.

19. do you think "ot7" accounts that only tweet about one member are suspicious? I’ve stopped being on Army Twitter but I mean it depends? We all have our biases and that’s fine - I tweet about Tae a sickening amount on my personal lol - but if it crosses over to literally never voicing your support for the other six, making an unnecessary fuss about line distribution, or even outright hating on the other members then that’s a glaring red flag for a solo right there.

20. if there was a criteria to attend bts concerts, what should it be? Know the fanchants. I will never get over the silence when they performed I Need U at the recent LA shows.

21. do you think we should gatekeep bts from shitty fans, or is any amount of support valuable? Yeah there is definitely no place for stalkers, those who go overboard with shipping, those who bully other fans, solos. I’m well aware it’s a shitty fandom which is why I lasted all of like, a month on stan Twitter.

22. tag the person who makes army twitter feel safer / more enjoyable for you It wasn’t enjoyable for me to begin with which is why I left. I also felt too old for it.

23. who is your favorite bts pet? i personally like yeontan, he has a lot of attitude Oooh this is cruel, I love all of them an equal amount.

24. what is the army twitter discourse that you never want to see again? feel free to rant Can’t relate.

25. favourite hobi verse...go I don’t really have a favorite verse per se...but I would say that the entirety of Boy Meets Evil has to be one of my favorite solo performances.

26. best song on RM? Joke.

27. what is your favorite nickname for the members? i personally love baby star candy and mimi I use Yoongles a lot. The names they give each other are also cute haha, like Jjwan and Jwehope.

28. what do you check before you send tweet? do you think about whether it will get you cancelled or do you just not care? Can’t relate, I haven’t been on Army Twitter for a few months now. The idea of getting cornered for the smallest things is actually one of the reasons I stopped wanting to be on there; it seemed as though people were just looking for the next thing to disapprove of.

29. how often do you cry (real tears) over bts? It’s usually when I’m feeling depressed since that’s when I would decide to listen to their comfort songs, like 00:00. Fortunately it doesn’t happen a lot. I think if I had become a fan earlier I definitely would have cried more with them... that’s what I envy older fans about. I feel like they get to have a closer relationship with them just because of the shit they went through from 2016 to 2018.

30. do you avoid talking about bts in front of your irls? No not really, everyone knows me as pretty much a living and breathing BTS megaphone lol. Like I said on a previous question, I don’t try to get them into the boys.

31. qrt with anything you'd like me to add to the thread or any feedback

32. who are your parents' favourite bts member? my mom likes jungkook My dad doesn’t really have a favorite as he’s always simply focused on being able to match their names to their faces, haha. I will say though that he remembers Namjoon in particular because of his English skills, so I guess that’s close to being the favorite as it can get. My mom can’t tell them apart no matter how hard she tries and is generally not into them.

33. have you ever attempted a bts choreography, and how did that work out? i tried to do the chorus of idol and fell on my ass Well I can’t dance, so I’ve never tried doing choreo in that I’ve attempted to film videos. I do like moving along to Dionysus, Fire, and Mic Drop though lo.

34. what is your favourite ot7 collab and why? it could be reasons unrelated to the music Idk if this means a sub-unit song or a collab with a completely different artist but in any case I’ll answer with both. Fave sub-unit song would beeeee either The Truth Untold (it’s their most sing-alongable song) or UGH! (because why would it not be anyone’s favorite???). Fav collab with an artist...I’d have to go with Suga’s Interlude with Halsey. I find the lyrics really touching.

35. favourite / most bearable / least annoying american award show? I don’t really pay attention to award shows anymore. All I know is that the Grammys keep fucking them over but at least they let them have a really big performance this year. All the other ones I feel I’m too old for now.

36. what is the most memorable milestone in bts' career that you have experienced as an army? for me, it's when they got their first #1 on bb I haven’t been part of a lot of milestones, unfortunately. Maybe when they opened their individual Instagrams? I know the older fans have been waiting for that to happen for years.

37. what is your honest opinion on no-jammers Hahahaha.

38. this might be a strange question, but how long did it take you to trust bts? for me, it took a few months before i grew to trust bts the way i do now It was a couple of months for me. I became a fan in April and I was mostly an obsessed new fan at the start of it all, but then there was one night during Festa month when they posted a Mikrokosmos performance. If I’m not mistaken that was the last time they did the song before the pandemic hit, and the emotions I saw when they performed it and just that whole vibe of it being Festa month really helped secure it for me.

39. favourite reality show? it could be run bts, bon voyage, in the soop, etc Bon Voyage is a whole lot of fun, but I have to say I’ll always be an In the Soop simp. That show is my absolute shit.

40. small habits of the members that make your heart flutter? For Namjoon it’s when he translates stuff for the members, no matter how short the phrase is; for Jin it’s the scrunching of his nose that I find adorable hahaha; Yoongi’s has to be :] without a doubt; I personally like it when Hobi slaps the boys – that’s when you know he’s having a fuck ton of fun lmao; Jimin’s sarcastic aegyo is hilarious; Taehyung’s is Tata Mic; then for Jungkook it’d probably be whenever he gets annoyed at the boys but can’t really do anything about it since he’s theh youngest, hahahaha.

41. be honest... do you loop If I do, it’s on YouTube. I try not to loop on Spotify because I want to get those streaming numbers up.

42. do you ever feel guilty for not listening to a song often enough? Yeah, I think this is me with my favorite song – Butterfly. I want the song to keep feeling as special as it had felt for me the first time I heard it, so I try to pace my listening to it so that I don’t get tired of the song.

43. are you the type to remember specific dates, such as the day a song was released or the day a member wore something iconic? I’m this way with my other fandoms, but considering I’ve been a BTS fan for only a little over a year I still have a lot of memorizing and remembering to do.

44. which member's music taste is most similar to yours? Honestly, none of them. But Namjoon does remind me a lot of myself considering how all over the place his music taste is.

45. what are some hopes you have for bts in the future? personally, i hope they could release music at their own pace without feeling pressure to put out new albums constantly I wish they could have significant others and kids like normal people eventually, without having to face backlash from irritating fans.

46. have you ever tried to learn korean? how did that work out? Yeah, I’ve been learning indirectly for years now; I picked up Hangeul all by myself simply from the variety/reality shows I had been watching. I won’t be able to survive a full conversation, but I feel like I’d be able to survive as a tourist in Korea at least by being able to read stuff.

47. us armys only: do you think we can get a #1 on bb with all their future comebacks? (official ot7 releases) I’m not from the US but I definitely think the popularity would wane at some point. It happens with everyone and shouldn’t be anything to freak out about.

48. $1000 magically appeared on your lap but you can only spend it on bts. what would you do? personally, i want the jungkook mood lamp </3 MUTE BOSTON BAG and Taehyung FMV5.

49. a hobby of yours that you'd like to get bts into? it could be a tv show or a game you're really into lately My favorite hobby is already something that Namjoon likes doing - going to museums and exhibits. I can see Taehyung getting into Audrey Hepburn films and I’d be super excited if he ever goes down that road.

50. what type of oomf / account would bts be on army twitter? i think jungkook would be one of those mysterious editmys that drop an amazing edit then disappear for 2 weeks That Jungkook one is hilariously accurate. I feel like Hobi (and maybe Jin) would be one of those people who predominantly qrt’s stuff???? Jimin and Yoongi would be inactive. I can’t really think of personas for the other members; idk Army Twitter well enough.

#survey #surveys

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bluexiao · 2 years

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#breaking news: they are confirmed to be dating

—headcanons of 4nemo dating an idol!reader

CHARACTERS. idol! Venti, Aether, Kazuha, Xiao; idol! gn! Reader

THEMES. solo/in a group idol reader. quite modern day but can be in game settings as well. fluff! kinda crack if you squint.

NOTES. i’ve brainrotted about this last month and i’m literally so proud of this one. please do indulge with me. also, i had people (kpop idols) in mind while i was writing this,,, like seungkwan for venti and etc lmao. they just radiate the same energy pls,,, also, if anyone noticed i kinda have a favoritism here don’t i

S/n: Stage name

VENTI

is awfully lovestruck when he first saw you at an awards night where your group also participated. It was so obvious that the other members automatically knew that he was head over heels just at first glance.

“Don’t be too obvious, you’ll get caught,” Aether whispered and nudged on VENTI’s side as Kazuha and Xiao merely eye him, knowing full well what the other had said was true.

Of course, as an idol himself, he was not allowed to openly date someone—it was on his contract, at least. However, that didn’t mean he wasn’t explicitly allowed to date.

He will approach you, of course! Contracts or the sort doesn’t stop him at all. Besides, it is not obvious that he has taken a liking of you for the fans because… he is quite social. He talks to fairly everybody, thus no one will specifically pinpoint you at all! Quite convenient for him, huh?

When he first approached you, you already knew him from the various TV shows that he was on and the mutual friends that you two have. He is quite energetic, it was also difficult not to notice him at all.

Isn’t he being flirty? You were fairly sure he was, but at the same time, he seems to be the kind of person to act like this all the time, so you heed no mind to it and went with the flow.

If you flirted with him back, he’d probably continue flirting with you the entire time. If you didn’t, well, it’s less intense, but he’d still do so.

He’s magnetic. You will find yourself being stuck to his side and listening to his stories or jokes. In short, the moment he introduces himself to you, it would be a moment closer to you being his best friend… well, not for long if you develop feelings for him because he will surely give his all in trying to capture your heart.

In terms of fans, they would probably get to see his flirty side most of the time with you, but they never truly know if he likes you genuinely or not until there’s an official announcement that you and he are dating. The fans are surprised but it was expected nonetheless.

AETHER

Is very friendly with anyone and no one really suspects anything from him. Unlike Venti, who could get a little flirty with who he’s talking to, AETHER is tamer and quite just a genuine dude who knows how to socialize.

You, however, were one of his close idol friends, probably even the closest.

It’s possible the fans had already been shipping you ever since they see you on his Instagram, and that your name was even on his kprofiles, saying you’re close with him since you two came from the same company and also University—can you believe that? How come you two aren’t even together?

He even attends your concert every now and then with the other members! It should not be a surprise if you are friends with the other three as well.

Sweet. Too sweet that it would be difficult to not fall for him willingly. He gives you coffee or treats you your favorite drink every time you two meet—like if you’re on the same show and he knows this, he’ll have it delivered to your dressing room! He also would know if you’re in need of help or struggling about something, for example, if you feel uncomfortable with your clothes, “Excuse me, don’t you think the clothes are too tight on them? Maybe there’s something else that could help them move better?” he’d ask politely to your manager, giving you a reassuring smile on the side when your manager agrees.

Everyone is literally cheering for the two of you since it sometimes gets wild whenever you and he have interactions live or for the whole world to see. You two probably even have a ship name ages before you and he got together officially.

It’s not even a surprise that if you and him or with his other members get a collab, the video will get viral and it will remain at the top of the rankings for weeks, maybe even months!

When you and he announced that you’re dating, it didn’t come as a surprise anymore. Sure, some fans are in denial at first and maybe they are sad, but it’s you!—someone he knew for a very long time, at least they know who will be taking care of him, right?

In the end, there’s nothing much that changes aside from the frequent Instagram pictures together or news that you two are hanging out with each other, maybe alongside the other members! The fans are very lighthearted with how they see him smile even a lot more ever since it’s been announced that you two are dating and of course, most of them accept it wholeheartedly.

KAZUHA

Out of everyone, he’s the hardest to read of all. So even if he had taken an interest in you the moment he saw you performing on stage one day, no one knew about it because he was great at hiding it.

Actually, the first one who will know is you—at the right time, that is.

He might have liked you at first glance, but he’d want to get to know you more first before making his motives obvious.

“Your performance was splendid and mesmerizing, S/n,” he smiles charmingly as he shook your hand by the time you’d gone and went down the stage, “you truly deserved the award.”

Not going to lie, the other members will speculate that something was going on, but KAZUHA had always been a gentleman, thus it was unsurprising for him to converse like that all the same. Still suspicious though, they’ll probably question him about it later on when they reach the dorms.

Charming—very charming, you’d fall for him if you’re not too careful.

He’d be the type to reach out to hold your hand if you’re walking down the stairs of a stage, or if he’s feeling bold and you two are already quite close, he may even land a kiss on the back of your hand!—cue the squealing of the fans and the cameras on the other members gasping from their seats. But if you’re merely acquaintances, he’ll of course know his boundaries and would probably still think about the contract, after all, he’s not the only one in contract, you as well. Who knows if your contract bans you from dating, right?

Only a select few will notice, but he’d definitely act unusual around you. A few fans will catch up and may even write a whole entire thread on Twitter about the times you and he interacted and he does something memorable.

This then makes the other members also question him, and maybe he tells the truth to them, maybe not. It all depends on whether he had fallen deeper in love with you or not.

He doesn’t really make a move unless he’s quite sure that there will be no repercussions. Like, maybe you’re already secretly dating someone, or maybe your contract doesn’t allow you to date, or even if you even want to date someone like him or at the current point of time.

There would not be a revelation to your relationship if you don’t want to, but if you want it to be public, then he’s also okay with it. However, if he were asked, it’s better to have a private relationship instead… after all, he did enjoy the thrill of not getting caught.

XIAO

is not that much of a talkative person, everyone knows. He knows that relationships are quite normal, but it would probably not be the best course of action since he’s an idol and fans may get upset—not that he should care much about the latter. After all, idols are still humans, who were to say that they would not fall into the pits of a love connection.

Unlike the others, he’d most likely try to ignore his feelings first. Being an idol is still his career, this is not what he should do—dating. However, sometimes he will not be able to stop himself from watching your music videos, live videos, and… he even made a dummy or dump account where he could be able to watch and Like them all.

The other members will only notice when he’s on his phone a lot more—“What are you watching Xiao—“ “Get off of me!” “OOOHHH~ is that S/n? Do you like them?!”

Let’s just say that was the time they suspected something but he excused himself as being a lowkey fan—which is partly true anyway… wait, yes. Maybe he feels like this because… he’s a fan?

He’s clearly in denial, folks. Let’s give him time.

Considering he doesn’t socialize much, he doesn’t really join a lot of parties or TV shows like the others. Thus, it’s not really a surprise if he doesn’t have the time to actually talk to you or introduce himself, even.

So, yes, he probably was introduced to you by the other members of his manager.

“Ah, S/n, it’s been a while!”

“Manager Jean, it’s you! Are you trying to look for Lisa? She got coffee for both of us! Oh? And this is the group you’re assigned to? Hello!”

Jean turns to the four and introduces them one by one, to which XIAO finds himself scoffing, “I’ll be at the dressing room.”

Cue Venti snickering at the back and whispering to both Aether and Kazuha that they should tease their other member when they reach the room. XIAO doesn’t really act like that when he’s being introduced to other idols, that’s why the others had gotten the idea that he might be shy when it comes to you.

You two probably meet again when he’s all alone backstage. You remembered him and tried to strike up a conversation… but he doesn’t really speak much. You thought he was intimidating, but since he was an idol being handled by a manager you and your own manager knew, it’s highly likely that there would be lots of times where you two see each other.

Having a reserved personality is not rare even if you’re an idol, thus you should not be surprised. And this is especially if you’re reserved yourself as well. It would be easier if you understood him very well no matter what your personality is, and this way, it was easier for the two of you to be friends or even more.

Fast forward to when you two are already seeing each other—because it will surely take time, I swear. No one would actually know if you two are dating unless the other members caught him texting with you and so on.

The fans, on the other hand, would not speculate much unless there are rumors or those who caught sight of the two of you going out somewhere. However, XIAO doesn’t seem to be the type to do day dates much, considering the time, but he does take you out on past midnights or evenings where there’s not too much crowd or at restaurants or eateries that don’t have a lot of people or customers. This way, you both will have dates without anyone noticing that there are two idols eating or walking or strolling with them.

He’s quite overprotective as well so it’s unsurprising if he walks you home at all times or if he doesn’t let you go to their dorms since it’s probably too late at night.

This is getting longer than I thought… but anyway, you and he will most likely be caught by Dispatch and will be forced to confirm the relationship… unfortunately. He’ll be mad at Dispatch but well, there’s nothing he could do anymore, right? At least, this way, there won’t be a need to hide the fact that he and you are a couple.

Reblogs are very appreciated~

TAGLIST ( send an ask to be added ! )

@softlybeloved @icecappa @sushiyay @scaraslover @beastielevi @cursedraiden @thesatanofpizza @izayanna @stellumi @coco-goat-milk @nonniechan @m3gitsune @thispenguinrocks @chuubear @kiyoobi @catisnerd @ventislatte @weakestpoint @pinkfei @aweebstuff @zhongchi14 @windwheel-aster @irethepotato @squiddaloo @scaramunch @cruxdou @favonius-captain @aqualesha @kazuhas-alphabet @astreankitsune @crapimahuman @itsghostgirlyo @his-simp @meumorio @tkooooop @fiona782

#genshin x reader #4nemo x reader #xiao x reader #kazuha x reader #genshin fluff #venti x reader #aether x reader #genshin headcanons

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bffsoobin · 3 years

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This Time Around

➤ idol!yeonjun x non!idol/ex!girlfriend reader ft. same reader x jungkook (mostly platonic), fluff, angst, lots of messy feelings, other txt members make appearances/are mentioned

↳ weeks after your chance reconnection with Yeonjun, you book a flight to Seoul under his encouragement. When you arrive, you’re not only overwhelmed by the lifestyle of an idol, but the new people you meet. Will you and Yeonjun be able to hold on to each other this time around?

word count: 9k

requested?: yes! (thank you for this great idea, anon)

warnings: this is largely angst. crying, arguments, swearing, feelings of betrayal and confusion, Yeonjun is kind of an ass, self-doubt (in both Yeonjun and reader), messy feelings and relationships all around, this does NOT have a happy ending so don’t go in expecting one lmao also disclaimer (?) that I a) have no idea what the BH building looks like inside b) don’t think that either Yeonjun or Jungkook would act this way...we are here to write fiction, after all.

A/N: This is a sequel to Just One Day! I won’t be making too many explicit references to the content of that fic but reading it first will help with storyline clarity! I also don’t explicitly state this but the reader in this case already knows Korean, she just has never been to the country before- it was simply easier for storytelling. I really hope y’all like this. I was very inspired by this request especially since I was in the mood to write both angst and a sequel to one of my older pieces! (also this gave me a good excuse to write about koo without feeling bad for straying from TXT content lmao) ALSO this is not proof read or edited, as usual for me :)

•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:•☾☼☽•:•.•:•.•:•:•:•:•:•:•:••:•.•

“I think it’s a good idea,” Yeonjun’s voice, velvety and heavy with sleep, seeps through the speakers of your phone. You glance at the time displayed on your computer and do the mental math which proves it’s a crisp 2 am in Korea.

“Go to bed, Junnie,” you half-scold, knowing that you wish for nothing more than for him to stay on the line until he eventually falls asleep in the middle of the conversation. He sighs through the phone, and you imagine him stretching his arms above his head to eliminate the fatigue creeping through him.

“Not till you promise me you’ll come,” he counters smartly. Your stomach flips wildly at the words. It had been almost three months since you spent the day with him, and not a single day had passed where he hadn’t been on your mind. Whether you spent your time talking to him or indulging yourself in your newfound kpop guilty pleasures, Yeonjun was almost always on your mind. Staying in touch proved to be harder than expected, due to both time zones and your equally packed schedules. Since he had flown back to Korea, you’d begun your first big girl job in a serious office that required constant business attire and piled the paperwork onto you, the newest and youngest hire.

“I’d love to, but you know how it is at work. I think my boss would combust if I told him I was taking a week’s vacation.” Talking about work made your head swim, as you recalled the stack of paperwork currently residing on your bedroom desk that needed to be finished before you showed up on Monday.

“That’s exactly why you deserve a vacation, Y/N. Look, if you fly into Seoul I promise I’ll make sure you don’t think about work for a second. I know you have time to take off, so take it. Come see me.” The line was quiet for a few seconds as you pondered, weighing your options carefully.

“I miss you,” Yeonjun’s voice came through loud and clear, crumbling the last remaining bit of your resolve. You missed him too, so much more than you ever thought you would, and your heartbeat kicks into high gear at the thought of seeing him again.

“Okay, I’ll file for my week off on Monday. I’ll see you soon, Yeonjun.”

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When you finally arrive inside of the BigHit building, suitcase in tow and a huge visitor lanyard around your neck, your hands are sweating profusely. A kind staff member had picked you up from the airport and delivered you to the practice room that Yeonjun would presumably be inside of. The walls were soundproofed well, but you could hear the faint beat of bass through the heavy door as you hesitate in pushing it open. Another staff member passes behind you and eyes you closely until recognizing the badge hanging around your neck.

Feeling awkward for hesitating in the hallway after being seen, you push on the door until it swings open in a smooth motion. The wheels of your suitcase click over the seams of the floor, and the sound would have been enough to make you cringe if it weren’t for the pounding music.

A track you don’t recognize echos through the mirrored room as none other than Choi Yeonjun stares intently back at his own dancing reflection. You catch your own reflection; arms crossed in a protective latch over your chest.

His body moves fluidly, as if he had left all of his bones waiting for him at home, and a thrill of excited anxiety crawls through your chest. He was really there, mere feet away, and you were really here in the middle of the BigHit building, achieving the dreams of fans all over the world.

The music stops and your mouth runs dry. Yeonjun’s heaving breath is the only sound in the mirrored room and you try to drive away the thought of the last time you’d heard him pant like that; sweaty and shirtless overtop of you on your rickety secondhand couch.

“You made it.” He says, impressively able to control his voice even after the exertion.

“In one piece, at least.” You say. Your arms stay wound around your body, a protective cage against his stare and his touch. He eyes you carefully and you’re suddenly concerned that your airport-chic appearance is inadequate.

“You look pretty.” He whispers, stepping close enough that his heaving chest almost touches your crossed arms. His hands, fingers calloused and rough, wind around your wrists and tug gently, giving you plenty of time to pull back. But you let him unwind your arms and pull them to your sides. His hands are large and warm and press gently into your skin, grounding you into the room and the moment and the absurdity of the fact that you’re actually here with him in Korea.

“You bleached your hair.” You offer weakly, withering underneath his attention.

“I’m not supposed to tell, but I’m getting ready for pink.” He says. Sweat drips down his temples, meeting and rolling together in tracks down to his chin. He looks just as handsome as you remember him to be months before, but it’s hard to ignore the thinned frame of his face.

“Have you been taking care of yourself?” You ask, finally finding courage to string together a meaningful sentence.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Yeonjun leans into you, supporting himself on the tips of his toes until he’s dangerously close to toppling you both over. He levels a heavy, constant gaze on you, eyes drifting down to the surprised pout of your lips and sliding back to your eyes. In a second you know that he wants to kiss you, and there is nothing more you’d like than for that to happen, so you close your eyes and lean into him; feel the warmth of his breath and you can almost taste the salt of his sweat, but the kiss never comes. Instead, Yeonjun startles and drops his hands from you, takes one huge step back and immediately bends into a deep bow.

Your back is still facing the door, but you catch a glimpse through the mirror. Jeon Jungkook stands just inside the door, dark wavy hair tied half up in a messy bun, some loose strands framing his face. He’s wearing a t-shirt and loose sweats and rubbing fatigue from his eyes, but he’s somehow even more handsome in person. Your face flushes, desperately trying not to make eye contact with him through the mirror and knowing you failed as soon as he shoots you a small, toothy smile.

“Didn’t know you had company,” He says in lieu of a greeting as he steps just slightly closer to the two of you.

“We were just going.” Yeonjun bows again, grabs your wrist and tugs you in a persuasive manner.

“It’s okay, really.” Jungkook enthuses, eyes crinkling in apparent amusement at Yeonjun’s behavior and before you know it your face twists into a similar smile. It had been a long time since you’d seen Yeonjun so nervous, acting like he was attached to a live wire that kept him moving nonstop. “No need to rush out on my account.” Jungkook adds as Yeonjun tugs you again, leaving your suitcase abandoned in the spot you’d been standing. You open your mouth to protest.

“Wait! I don’t think that...” Jungkook looks at you pointedly as he rolls the suitcase back over to the two of you.

“Y/N.” You offer, hands sweating profusely as he passes over the luggage.

“I don’t think that Y/N would like to leave without her suitcase.” His eyes twinkle with something like an untold joke, an anecdote he wants to share but keeps in the back of his head for later. You thank him shortly, still starstruck and nervous as Yeonjun pulls you out of the door.

----

“I’m so sorry about that.” Yeonjun apologizes again as you arrive at a new door, this one in a whole new wing of the building that you would have gotten lost finding on your own.

“It’s okay, Jun. I expect to run into...o-other people.” You stutter as he opens the door, facing the realization that you were probably about to meet Yeonjun’s members too. The dorm was simpler than you expected, opening up to a lightly furnished living room that looked like it had been hastily cleaned- you could see a stack of clothes had been clumsily shoved behind the couch.

The lack of instant greetings surprises you as you follow Yeonjun blindly into the room but you don’t say anything. You kind of wish that the other four boys would come bursting out, bombard you with questions and jokes and prodding fingers as Yeonjun lets you into his room. The air is still charged from your interrupted kiss, and your fingers curl around the handle of your suitcase as you recall Jungkook’s reaction. He had clearly found it amusing, but was he more interested in teasing Yeonjun or finding out exactly who you were?

In the moment you had found his attention comical although stressful, like a funny anecdote that Yeonjun might grumble about a few weeks later. Now, you replay it over and over again, worried that every chance interaction with another idol within the building would play out exactly the same. Maybe you weren’t quite cut out for this. Yeonjun had been speaking the whole time, rattling off words you don’t catch as he opens and closes drawers.

“-is that alright?” He asks, spinning on his socked heels to face you. You freeze, trying desperately to claw through your mind for any clues to what he’d said. Yeonjun smirks, closes in on you and raises a well-kept eyebrow.

“What did I just ask you?” He asks, voice level and cool despite the teasing nature of the question.

“I-I don’t know.” You admit, a blush rises on your cheeks as his smirk pulls even larger.

“I asked...” he tucks a stray hair behind your ear, “if you wanted to share a bed. You could always sleep on the couch, but I-”

“No, I’ll sleep with you!” You slap a hand over your mouth as Yeonjun dissolves into giggles. “I mean, I mean, I don’t mind sharing a bed.” You try desperately to break through his laughter but it’s useless, so you succumb to the same fit of giggles. Yeonjun cups your cheeks sweetly, squishing them together in earnest before leaning in the same way he had just minutes prior. Your heart stutters at the knowledge that this kiss was finally happening after three months separated.

Your lips meet in soft, tentative passes against each other until you recall the feeling. Yeonjun is hesitant, hanging back until you surge forward, kissing him harder and wiggling your tongue between the seam of his lips until he opens them. His teeth rake your bottom lip and nibble hard enough to draw blood, the metallic taste grounding you into the moment until Yeonjun pulls back, thumbs stroking the tops of your cheeks. He places another kiss to your nose, giggling against your skin as you shy away.

A loud crash sounds from just outside the door and you jump, eyes blowing wide when the sound of overlapping voices grows closer and closer. Yeonjun tells you that the rest of the boys must be back and ushers you out of the room before you can protest.

In the living room you’re faced with the four of them, all busying themselves with mundane tasks or scrolling through their phones until Yeonjun clears his throat. They look up simultaneously, synchronized enough that you would have laughed under a different circumstance.

“Everyone, this is, my uh, uh, Y/N.” Yeonjun awkwardly sweeps a hand your way and you flush, feeling small as the four boys you’d watched and laughed with and admired through a screen bowed to you.

“I really-it’s not...well, hi.” You sigh.

----

Introductions aside, the night slides by easily until the wear of your travel catches up with you so suddenly that you slump onto the nearest body. Yeonjun shakes you awake and it’s only then that you notice the shoulder you were leaning upon belonged to Beomgyu. You apologize to the boy as soon as you can get your tongue to work properly and are soon whisked away to Yeonjun’s bedroom. The short trip awoke you to an unpleasant degree, almost feeling as if you were suddenly too aware of your surroundings. The lights were too bright, the scent of fabric softener too strong in your nose, the sound of the remaining four people in the living room too loud. And of course, the presence of Yeonjun too much to handle.

You sit at the foot of the bed and pick at your nails while Yeonjun shuffles around the room, doing something you don’t bother to track closely.

“Are you going to get ready for bed?” He asks shortly, not even turning to face you. You now realize that he had pulled on pajamas of his own; a too-big graphic t-shirt and a pair of worn sweatpants. Frowning, you head for your own suitcase and dig through the carefully stacked clothes until you find some suitable options. You change quickly, keeping your back to him although you can feel his heavy stare at your back.

“Did you like them?” He asks. You sit back at the metal headboard and nod thoughtfully. His lips draw into a straight line as he settles beside you. “You and Beomgyu really...got along well.”

“Sure, I think we all got along well.” You offer, tucking yourself underneath his newly cleaned sheets. For a moment you wonder what he was going to do about the lights overhead, but they extinguish with a press of a button on his phone. Plunged in darkness, you can’t help but feel a bit bolder, indulging in the burn of defiance within you.

“Why? Are you jealous?” You ask. Yeonjun scoffs and you can feel the sheets pull as he flips underneath them. He says nothing but you can feel the air in the room shift. The bedding feels suffocating.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

----

When you wake, you’re uncharacteristically hot. You notice the sweat beading your neck and forehead as soon as you sit up, desperate to free yourself from the covers. You wonder if Yeonjun is suffering a similar fate, or if his body is used to the brutal heat of his bedroom. You turn to look for him, happy anxiety at the thought of seeing his sleeping form in real time brewing in the pit of your stomach. You couldn’t count the amount of times you’d imagined this exact moment, wondered if he scrunched his face in his sleep or if he looked serene and peaceful, wondered if he snored or spoke or sighed in his sleep.

But all you saw was crumpled sheets and a small, bright green post-it note with bunched writing. It stuck to the bed sheets as you pulled it up, and you had to blink a few times before you finally understood the gist of the note. Yeonjun was gone, off to do his daily idol duties, and you are welcome to use their shower as none of the boys were home. You scan the note again for any sign of love or sincerity but find nothing more than cold and clinical facts, like a teacher giving instructions to a class.

Bitterness grows in your chest as you slip into the cramped shower and cool yourself off under a trickle of water. Theoretically, you know that Yeonjun would be busy while you were here. After all, you couldn’t expect the company to let him off of all responsibility just because you were around. Your skin was growing red under the scrub of your fingers. But he could have at least run it by you last night, warned you that he would probably be gone by the time you got up and given you some idea of when he’d be back. What were you supposed to do all day? You stepped out of the shower, flinging your wet hair away from your face. You could barely make it out of this building alone, but you’d be damned if all you did was sit here and wait for him to return. If he wasn’t going to be here, you’d make your own fun.

You were unfamiliar to Seoul, but after navigating yourself out of the BigHit building you felt as if you could conquer anything. You hadn’t realized how much of the day had passed by in your slumber until you stepped into the real world. Dusk had begun to fall over the sky, painting it a hazy purple-pink in anticipation of a sunset. People and cars and buses rushed by with purpose as you stand still and baffled at the city before you. The packed street before you is a little bit intimidating, but reminded you enough of the bustle of your hometown that you took a brave step forward anyway. Crossing so quickly that you almost run into a group of teenage girls, you finally reach some kind of a destination. To be fair, you had done zero planning on sight seeing before coming, so almost every building looked like a destination to you. A particularly cute looking café seemed to manifest itself out of thin air and beckon you in with sweet drinks and sugary snacks. You order and eat greedily with the realization that this is your first real meal since being on the plane yesterday, and the waitress laughs when you tell her that as you flag her down for another piece of cake.

The café certainly lives up to the hype you make for it, but you notice the employees begin to clean and close things down, so you leave and thank them on the way out. You finally check your phone, hoping that Yeonjun might have sent you an apology or an update, but you see nothing aside from email notifications. Emblazoned by his actions, you continue on your exploration, opening the doors to a clothing shop with so much force that other patrons cringe. Inside, you buy way too many things to fit in your suitcase before traipsing yourself-weighed down by bags- into a nearby restaurant. Something about being in Korea had elevated your appetite to an extreme level, so your stomach growls as soon as you cross over the threshold. The place is crowded, almost packed wall to wall as patrons and employees alike bustle between one another.

The cute wooden sign reads “seat yourself” so you dodge and weave until you find a tiny table, just big enough for your party of one, hidden in a more private corner of the restaurant. An employee spots you and yells out that he’s going to go get a menu, so you content yourself with people watching in the meantime. At the table diagonal to you, you spot a woman who looks just about the same age as you. Her hair is carefully waved; a deep, shiny brown that flows just down to the top of her chest. Every feature you can spot is immaculate and it makes you feel sick. Her nails are perfectly manicured, not a single chip or hang nail in sight, while your own nailbeds are torn up and bloody as a result of nervous picking. A weird, unwelcome acidity crawls up the back of your throat and demands to be acknowledged, makes your eyes burn with envious tears as the waiter finally delivers a menu and you wonder why you can’t just look that put together and perfect. After you order you can no longer stand to look her way anymore, angry at the fact that you were so resentful of this stranger.

Your waiter drops your food and utensils with polite haste but you aren’t nearly as hungry as you were before. Noodles and broth swirl around your spoon as the steam rises into your face, paying more attention to the bustle of the open kitchen where you spot a fun streak of vibrant pink hair. Whoever is donning it must have had it done recently. There’s a few small patches of pink dye spotting the back of their neck and it’s quite endearing to think about until you remember- Yeonjun was supposed to be dying his hair pink soon, and that tall frame and broad back look suspiciously familiar, and he still hasn’t sent you any texts, and you think that maybe he was just getting some takeout and heading back home but then he turns away from the counter and heads to your corner of the building. Your mouth goes dry, all the air still and stale in your lungs as his eyes land on yours. He looks away and then looks back again, double taking as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. As if he hadn’t been the one to invite you out to Korea, as if you hadn’t shared a bed last night. And then he moves, finally, walks away from the counter and toward your table with a tray piled with food and your heart hammers against your ribs as he walks right by and settles into the seat across from the perfect girl. She smiles wide as he unloads the food and settles in.

There’s nothing you can do but stare and fight the sting of your eyes until your waiter comes back around, notices your untouched food and asks if you want a takeout container. You say yes loud enough for Yeonjun to hear, and you can see him flinch but you know he won’t turn around. Not in public, with all these people around. Not when he’s an idol and you’re just a normal girl- a fucking tourist- and not when Miss Perfect is giggling her perfect laugh at whatever he just said.

The air outside is cold and it stings. Your face is wet but you don’t try to hide it. You don’t know any of these people, and they will never see you again. They probably won’t even remember that you cried on the walk home, weighed down with bags of food and clothes and the knowledge that Yeonjun was lying.

When you return to the dorm Beomgyu, Soobin and Taehyun are hanging around the living room, watching something on the television.

“Hey- where’s Yeonjun? He said he was going to dinner, we assumed he was meeting you.” Soobin asks, his tone cautiously trying to hide his confusion.

“Well, I did go to dinner,” you lift up the bags on your arm, “and so did Yeonjun. At the same place.” Your voice clips and you take a moment wonder if you should go on until Beomgyu mutters a soft “oh”.

“Well, here’s some food.” The plastic bag thuds on the coffee table. “Not hungry.”

----

You don’t know what time it is when Yeonjun decides to come back, but you have no plans of acknowledging his presence. The room is dimmed, only a bedside lamp left to keep you out of total darkness. You are perfectly content to simmer in your own anger for the night, let him feel it radiate off of your back the whole time you sleep. Until he has the audacity to ask, “Hey, what’s wrong?” You see red in the dark room. Your fingers clench into the pillow, making a victim out of the poor feathers and fabric as you contemplate throwing it at his head. His new hair looks even nicer in the low light; nearly fluorescent and falling in a perfectly styled arc around his face.

“Don’t do that. Act like you don’t know.” You spit. Yeonjun says nothing but he clears his throat awkwardly, as if he’s about to make an argument, but you beat him to it.

“At least tell me who she is.” You try to hide the waver of your voice but it’s already there to stay.

“She’s no one! I’m not really supposed to tell anyone about it yet, the guys don’t even know-”

“They don’t know what? That you’re keeping two different girls in your pocket? Can’t even commit to one for a week long vacation? Jesus, Yeonjun, If you want to...cheat on me, at least wait until I’m not in the country. Fuck, I can’t even call it cheating because you don’t even want to date me! We only met up again a few months ago, and we spent one day together! And we fucked and it was nice and it was fun but what the fuck was it really? I texted you today, you know, to ask where the hell you were, and you never answered. I know that your life is busy, but a warning yesterday would have been nice.”

“I’m not cheating on you! She’s not- she’s just, someone I- that’s not the point, Y/N! And I’m sorry I didn’t answer you, but I was really busy, and I forgot to bring it up and I’m sorry, but did you really expect me to hang around all day?” You grit your teeth to stop an annoyed screech from hopping out.

“Of course not, Yeonjun. I’m not an idiot. What I expected was some fucking communication. I traveled across the world to come see you, maybe even try to figure out what we are, and so far all I’ve done is wander around the city alone. This isn’t what I wanted to do! I’m missing a week of work for this! I didn’t come out here just to be your little plaything once you get home!”

“That’s not what I’m doing!” Yeonjun stands up from the bed, rubbing his palms over the back of his neck. “I knew you would never understand. You can never understand how busy this lifestyle is, and I guess I was stupid for believing that you could understand, and that you wouldn’t be mad at me for having to go do my fucking job.”

“I don’t understand? I don’t understand your life? Will you ever just admit that you only like me because you can mold me around your shit? When I’m back home you can call me at any hour that works for you, and I’ll pick up. You can bitch about your job and your friends and your company and all the pain you have but whenever I call you you’re tired or sick or just don’t feel like it. Guess fucking what Yeonjun. I’m here now. And we share a room and a bed and a city so you can’t keep me miles away and at your beck and call whenever you so well please. I’m right in front of you now, and you need to own up to your shit. You ignored me. Now you’re lying about whoever the fuck that girl was. You don’t get to be a prick just because you’re a famous idol.” Your face is hot and your hands are shaking. Sweat is beading on your forehead just like it did this morning and it makes you itch but you refuse to move a single muscle, hardened to the spot and staring Yeonjun down. You can’t even remember how the argument started, but all you know now is that you can’t stand to look at him any longer. His eyes are wide, bottom lip wobbling. Tears sting at your eyes and your nose burns and you’re ready to lay down or maybe chug a bottle of vodka.

“I’m going to bed.” You pull the covers over you even though you’re sweltering, turn off the bedside lamp with the switch and clamp your eyes shut.

----

Your brain never shuts off. Even when you slam your eyes shut and start counting metaphorical sheep, you’re still replaying the argument on a relentless loop. Yeonjun had left the room moments after you tucked yourself in and you had yet to hear the door creak to announce his reappearance, so it was safe to assume that he was sleeping on the couch or holed up with another one of the boys. Or maybe he went crawling back to Miss Perfect.

The room is suffocating; heat simmers off of every surface even after you’ve thrown off the sheets and the white walls are annoying you. If you ever talk to Yeonjun again it will have to be about his piss poor decorating skills and the fact that he couldn’t even manage to hang up some pictures to break up the never ending white. Your phone says it’s just minutes shy of 2 am, but what does that really mean when you have no idea what time you laid down? Your legs move before your mind decides where you’re going, seemingly possessed by the idea of leaving the room as fast as possible. There’s just enough time to shrug on a crewneck and a pair of sneakers before you find yourself under the blinding fluorescents of the hall that remind you exactly where you are. Tall, sturdy black doors stand on both sides of you, metal accents gleaming and boasting their contents. There’s no easy way to understand the layout of the building, and you assume that’s for the protection of the idols, but it also means that you completely forget the only route you know for leaving the building.

Had you taken a left or a right? Did you pass by the hallway next to the ladies bathroom or go down it? Had there always been a potted plant next to that office, or did all of the doors just look similar? Somehow, you find yourself back in the place you had first been delivered to when you arrived. The doors were slightly different here, some made of thick wavy glass that was vaguely transparent and others made out of the same black you had become used to. A set of three rooms with the wavy glass were right next to one another, and if your suspicions were correct they were all practice rooms, presumably empty at the lack of music. The thought of the rooms, empty and clean and sporting just enough comfortable furniture in the corner for you to sprawl out on. There was no way that sleep was going to overcome you, but at least you could feel secure in your loneliness for a few hours.

The metal handle was cold, chilling your sweaty palm instantly, but you’re met with harsh resistance. It doesn’t budge forward no matter how hard you push downward and lean into the door. Out of anger you try one more time, grunting and digging your heels into the carpet of the hallway.

“You need a card to get in.” A voice calls from what must just be steps behind you, and you jump embarrassingly high before turning reluctantly. Surely some poor late-shift cleaner or intern had seen you struggling with the door and decided to take pity on you before someone really saw you making a fool of yourself. You could only imagine what they were thinking- how they would go home to their pets or family or friends and laugh about the girl they saw throwing her entire weight against a locked door.

But in the split second your neurons begin to fire anew, you know that you weren’t lucky enough to be discovered by another normal member of society. On this already annoyingly unlucky night you come face to face with- once again- Jeon Jungkook. You flush immediately and pull at the hem of your shorts until they do a better job at covering your thighs. You’re still sweaty, strands of hair matted to the back of your neck and your forehead, and the fact that it’s sometime past 2 am and you’ve yelled and cried and tossed and turned and cursed everything that led you to this moment only makes you look worse.

And, of course, even though it’s sometime past 2 am and maybe Jungkook had also been sweating and tossing and turning and cursing everything too...he still manages to look like an angel. His hair is unruly, all loose and wavy and sticking up in some places. His outfit is almost identical to what you first saw him in, but this it was black instead of gray, and his sleeves are bunched at the elbow, only affording you half a look at his lithe muscles and tattoos. His lips split in the same toothy grin as he gestures a small plastic card your way. How dare he look so handsome no matter the circumstance. He’s so much closer than he had been before, merely a foot away from you in the narrow hallway. Up this close you can see how perfect his skin is, as smooth and pore less as Yeonjun’s and Miss Perfect’s.

“No, I don’t need it.” You dismiss his hand with a small wave, sour after reminding yourself why you were here to begin with.

“Seems like you do?” Jungkook’s voice was oddly small too. He retracts his hand halfway, making sure you could still take it from him if you want to.

“No, what I need is a new boyfriend.” You spit the words before your conscious can review them, before you can remember that Yeonjun isn’t your boyfriend, that he isn’t technically anything except a rekindled flame you traveled across the world for. Jungkook pulls his arm all the way back and his face softens. You know he puts the pieces together quickly and you can feel the sympathy pass through the hall. “Nevermind. I’m sure you’re busy, or need to pass by or- yeah, sorry.” You stand aside, press against the wall and wait for him to walk away, but he stays grounded and levels his soft but deadly gaze on you. It’s an unwelcome reminder that he’s one of the most famous idols in the world and you’re standing in the middle of his company building; tired and teary.

“Did you fight? Is that why you’re wondering through our part of the building alone?” He gestures at one of the doors further down the hallway, a solid black one, and you can make out a shiny plaque with his name on it and some cute little decorations taped on the wall.

“I’m so sorry, I can’t find my way around this place- I just couldn’t sleep so I wandered and I guess I ended up in...your part of the building.” You can feel the heat radiate off of your face as he smiles again, nose scrunching at your panic.

“Cute.” His nose wiggles one more time before he schools his features as if the word didn’t nearly knock you on your ass. Cute. Cute! He has the audacity to stand here in the middle of the night and call you cute. “Seriously, if you need somewhere to sit down or sleep, there’s a couch in my studio, it’s clean in there, you can-”

“Oh, no! Jungkook,” you blush stupidly at using his name, “I can’t ask you to do that. I’ll just circle back to Yeonjun’s and sleep it off.” The thought makes your stomach churn, the idea of trying to fall asleep in the exact room your almost relationship fell to pieces. Surely the carpet couldn’t be too uncomfortable-

“No, please, I’m offering. You look tired, and if you fought...well, I know how awkward it can be in the morning. Come on.” He walks away before you can protest and some other worldly sense makes you follow him. You never expected to be in this position, but you also never thought that Yeonjun would disappoint you so much. Inside of the partially padded studio is a surprisingly large sofa with a charming patchwork blanket draped over the back. Jungkook stands awkwardly next to his desk and picks at his fingernails as you sit down. You sink in to the couch and instantly feel more comfortable than you have in days, the soft scent of lavender and the warm yellow lights bring you as close to relaxation as you can get.

“I saw him with another girl.” You lose your filter again and Jungkook’s eyes narrow. “He says it wasn’t a date, but he also won’t tell me who she was, and the rest of them all thought he was with me so he’s obviously lying. We aren’t technically dating, so can I even be mad? He’s lying no matter what, and he didn’t even tell me he would be out all day or text me during it. But I also still have three more days to stick out here.” A few hot tears are slipping down your face and you can’t help but feel insecure about them.

Jungkook says nothing of the tears but chews thoughtfully on his thumbnail. He leans his hip against his desk, intimidating and sharp yet soft and handsome and sweet for letting you stay here and spill your anger into his studio. His socked foot taps on the floor in a rhythm unknown to you, and you can’t help but wonder how many people would kill to be in your exact spot. You notice a day-by-day calendar that’s quite a few days behind on his desk, and it makes you smile until he’s moving, lowering himself to the floor just a few inches away from your feet.

His fists clench- subtle enough that you wouldn’t even notice if the room didn’t feel so charged- and as he looks up at you, you see that a look somewhere between anger and pity paints his face. It’s embarrassing to sit here like this, so clearly under his scrutiny with nothing but your pajamas to cover you.

“I’m sorry.” Jungkook finally speaks again and shakes his head so much that a few ebony pieces of hair slip into his eyes in a near-perfect arc. You shrug. “Really, Y/N. I’m sorry. That’s an asshole move, no matter who the other girl is. You don’t deserve to be treated like that, and after all the trouble you put in to come out here and see him-he’s lucky we don’t cross paths often.” He sighs and suddenly he’s sitting next to you on the couch, the weight and heat of his body making the situation that much more real and that much more odd. You must still have unshed tears lining your eyes when you find the courage to look up at him because he frowns. “Please, don’t cry! It’s the first time I’ve ever had a girl in here, and well, it’d be pretty embarrassing if she spends the whole time crying.”

A shit eating grin sprouts on his face as soon as he sees your lips upturn with laughter. It’s hard not to be grateful for the joke, so you laugh and thank him for trying to make you feel better.

“And thanks again, for the place to sleep. Or, try.” You have a feeling that sleep will evade you all night, no matter how cozy the room makes you.

“If you don’t think you’re going to sleep-” Jungkook stands suddenly and rushes over to his desk. When he gets there, he turns his wide desktop computer until it faces the couch and logs in. “Then at least watch some movies! Here,” he puts a wireless keyboard in your lap- “whatever you wanna watch, I have it all.” You hesitate for just a moment and then type in the title of one of your favorite films with seconds to spare before Jungkook throws the patchwork blanket over both of your laps. He sinks back into the couch and you follow his lead, careful to keep a good few inches of space between the two of you because holy shit, you’re sitting next to Jungkook, and holy shit he’s watching a movie with you, and holy shit he just saw you cry and he looks so handsome from the side.

You pay more attention to Jungkook than you do the movie. It’s funny to watch someone who feels so extraordinary do something as normal as watching a movie and realize that he really is human. And the way he crinkles his nose and widens his doe-eyes makes your heart stutter with attraction and then guilt at the thought of Yeonjun, who still makes your palms sweat and your heart shake with anticipation of his touch despite your argument.

But here’s Jungkook, being kind and open and raw and willing to stay up with you on this random sleepless night although you only met by chance mere hours ago. And his kind eyes widen and narrow and crinkle when he laughs at the movie, and he offers you a second blanket and a throw pillow when your eyes get too heavy for you to focus, and you don’t think that you’re imagining things as you feel gentle fingers comb through your hair.

----

Your head feels like it’s filled with cotton when you wake up, confusion soaks your senses as you piece together where you are and how you got there and who’s lap your head is laying in. As if he could read your thoughts, Jungkook lets out a long and loud groan from above you. Clearly he had fallen asleep where he is now, head lolled against the back of the couch and a throw pillow folded between his arms.

“Good morning.” He drawls, voice still deep and thick from slumber. Out of all the things you never thought you would do, waking up to Jungkook is near to the top.

“M-morning.” You manage to call back as you run your hands over your face, hoping to absolve yourself of any evidence of shock. Jungkook’s studio is just as welcoming as it had been to you last night, but now a deep sense of guilt creeps through you. Yeonjun might have woken up by now, maybe he was ready to talk and try to make things better, maybe he’s been calling and texting you and you haven’t seen any of it. Your phone is nowhere to be found as you dig around in the blanket, a noise of distress clawing up the back of your throat. Heart pounding, you put a hand underneath the couch and slide it back and forth until your fingers graze over the cold, hard mass that must be your phone. As soon as it’s in your grasp you can see that the time is just a few minutes past 8am, and that you indeed do have a few texts waiting from Yeonjun.

“Oh, Jungkook, thank you again for-y-you know, but I have to go, do you mind showing me which way to go?” Poor sense of direction had landed you here to begin with, and you wouldn’t let it make this problem any bigger again. Thankfully he doesn’t protest; just waits by the door as you straighten out your pajamas. Out in the hallway, the lights are bright and imposing and you recognize a headache from the late night is starting to creep up behind your eyes. No one really seems to be around to see the two of you, and you are nothing short of grateful for that when Jungkook makes a quick stop and you barrel into his back, face burning with embarrassment. He laughs as you sputter apologizes and wave for him to keep leading the way, but he insists on stopping and turning to face you. His face is puffy with sleep, eyes still scrunching against the lights, but they’re still clear and gentle and it’s hard to miss the teasing twitch of his full lips in such close proximity.

A wave of admiration crashes through you, followed quickly by a sickening feeling of guilt. Yeonjun was probably waiting for you to come talk things out, and here you were drooling over a different boy. “I’m okay, lets keep going.” Urging him on with a gentle push to his muscled back is the most you can do since you still don’t notice anything distinctive to lead you back to the correct dorm. Just a few more steps down the hallway and you can hear voices, overlapping shouts, and one voice you would recognize anywhere coming from the way you were about to turn. Before you even had time to open your mouth to voice your concern to Jungkook, Yeonjun is stomping down the hallway, a panicked looking Taehyun in tow.

His face is draw, sharp features heightened by either confusion or anger- it’s hard to tell- as he realizes who’s standing in front of him. The two boys are fairly evenly matched in height but Yeonjun still squares up, lifting his shoulders higher and craning his neck. You know he knows you’re there; you shared a moment of eye contact in the seconds before he leveled a glare at Jungkook.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Yeonjun spits, anger shaking the fists at his sides. Jungkook is shocked, you can tell even from behind him, the way he recoils just slightly and scoffs as if he can’t believe his ears.

“Look, this doesn’t need to be a fight. I was just helping Y/N get back to your dorm.” You’re amazed at how well he controls his anger, especially after seeing the anger he held back against Yeonjun the night before. You take this as a queue to step out from behind Jungkook’s frame, allowing Yeonjun a better look at you.

“Oh, before or after she spent the night in your studio? Just couldn’t resist giving her a place to stay. Someone to sleep with?” Anger flares in your stomach, lighting a fire underneath your skin.

“What the fuck, Yeonjun? Do you really think that I would-”

“Sleep with him? Of course. Why wouldn’t you? Look at the state of you two, don’t tell me you didn’t fuck.” There was simply no believing what was coming out of his mouth, and his words only made you wish that you had acted on the feelings you felt brewing last night.

“What if I did? You certainly don’t want me! I’m sorry I went looking for companionship somewhere else!” It’s much too quiet in the hallway after that, the only evidence that the world hadn’t stopped turning is Jungkook’s hand that comes up to rest on your shoulder.

“So you did.” Yeonjun rubs his chin, taking a step backwards in what you assume is disbelief. Tears creep into the corners of your eyes, stubbornly burning and forcing you to blink until your vision is blurry. Jungkook says something you don’t quite catch through the static buzzing in your ears. You feel exhausted, weak at the knees with disbelief at just how awful this interaction was going; so lost that it takes Jungkook shaking your shoulder to bring you back to reality.

“Please, I don’t want to talk about this here. Yeonjun, let’s go, please.” You beg, walking toward him before he even responds. The idea of being caught in this odd trifecta made you sweat. Jungkook protests but you wave him off quickly, assuring that there was nothing else he could do. As upset as Yeonjun was, you knew that he would calm down substantially once the older boy was gone.

The walk to the dorm is thankfully short, and Taehyun tries his best at making small talk while Yeonjun trails behind like a petulant child. As soon as you cross into the dorm you feel awkward and hot all over like everyone is watching you even though Taehyun is already disappearing into his room and locking the door while Yeonjun breezes right past you.

“I’m not playing the silent game.” You follow Yeonjun into the kitchen where he has his head buried in the fridge, making a point to rattle every bottle and package inside of it.

“Alright, fine. Then you get to tell me the truth.” His voice is softer now, much less elevated and harsh than it was just minutes before. “Did you spend the night with him?” It rattles your bones to hear the edge of hurt in his voice.

“I was wandering around the building in the middle of the night, and he was too- so I told him what was going on and he offered for me to stay in his studio, on the couch. And I said yes-” Yeonjun’s face crumples. “We watched a movie and I fell asleep.”

“Why didn’t you just come back? I texted you, Y/N. We literally just argued about communication and the first thing you do is run to a different guy? If I’m not good enough for you, just admit it.”

“I could say the same exact thing to you. Why am I here? Should I just book a flight home tonight and call it quits? Do you even want to try this?” Yeonjun cracks open a bottle of water and drinks half in one go, avoiding your gaze at all costs. “And I did nothing with Jungkook. Because I respect you, and whatever the fuck this-” You gesture between the two of you, feet apart, “is. Or was.”

“Don’t say that.” Yeonjun’s voice cracks, reminiscent of the way he used to sound on the phone when he called you at the end of the day. “I- I don’t want to hear you say that. Please.” A tremor of hurt shakes your bones, creates an unpleasant lump in your throat that you try and fail to swallow. Yeonjun appears to you now as similar as he did in your teenage years; uncertain and small and his wide, glassy eyes latching on to you like a lifeline. And you can’t help but remember how you used to be too; devoted to him and naïve about where life was going to take you.

“I don’t want to say it either, Yeonjun. I hate saying it. But we aren’t the same people we were all those years ago. We’re in two different lives, and as much as I want to be able to fit into yours...it’s never going to happen.” Your body weight feels suddenly too much, like you’re being filled with lead and sunk to the bottom of the ocean to be forgotten. Yeonjun finally closes your perpetual gap in a slow gait that seemed like it would last forever. His eyes are red, puffy, rimmed with unshed tears. Dark circles ring his eyes and you know they’re because he probably didn’t sleep last night either. His lips are chapped and dry, pouting in an incurable sadness. Your fingers itch to cup his jaw and litter him with kisses until he finally grins.

“Are you saying you don’t love me?” If any other noise had happened at the same time he spoke, you wouldn’t have heard the question. A stake strikes through your heart at the words, scarring your soul for years to come.

“No, Junnie. I love you so much.” Your bottom lip wobbles and you gasp out a sob, “I just don’t think we’re going to work this time around. We’re both too busy, and on different tracks, and I think we just have to be more r-realistic.” You have to close your eyes, unable to watch the way tears begin to cascade down his own face. “I’m sorry.” You stand alone, still and cold and clamping your eyes shut so hard that they hurt.

Yeonjun’s body molds around your form, tight and warm and shuddering slightly from his own tears. He smells like laundry detergent and musk and you shake with regret as his arms wind around your back and hold you as close to his frame as you think is humanly possible. Your tears soak his crewneck as the fabric scratches your skin. His heart beat is erratic, but you know yours isn’t fairing any better, and you can’t help but curse the universe for bringing you all this way with him just to shoot you back down.

“I’m sorry too. For not being enough.” His words rumble into your hair and you can’t even find the energy to refute them and instead just shake your head. Your head spins in wild circle as Yeonjun finally stops shaking underneath you in favor of cupping your face in tender hands, forcing you to open your eyes. His look felt more intimate than anything else you had shared before; a pure and expressive opening into his most vulnerable form and the knowledge that you were the reason he was feeling it.

“I think I should try to catch an earlier flight home.” You aren’t quite sure exactly why you say it, but Yeonjun doesn’t seem surprised at the notion. After all, there would be nothing to stick around for. He still had to work and you had no relationship left to hang on to. You hadn’t even gotten around to unpacking your suitcase. Yeonjun nods sadly, wiping at a few more tears before clearing his throat. His voice is thick, the evidence of his emotion loud and clear and your heart breaks at the thought of truly walking away from him.

“I’ll miss you, Y/N.” There’s no telling if he would ever contact you after this, or if you would contact him. Maybe the two of you will live with odd shadows of one another in the back of your heads for the rest of your lives- a teenage romance rekindled years later only to explode and crackle and eventually fade into the dark.

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an-annyeoing-writer · 3 years

Text

vulnerability. – chap. 1.

Read the prologue here

Story info:

Pair: Byun Baekhyun x Reader

Rating: +18 for mentions of s*x and violence (future chapters)

Genre: angst, smut

Chapter info:

Release date: 16th May 2021

Word count: 3 727

Warnings: mentions of trauma (nothing descriptive)

Vulnerability Masterlist || Fanfiction Masterlist || Ko-Fi

Taglist:

@shesdreaminginoverdose @mybiasdashboard @marimsun @byuns-asscheeks @multi--kpop--fanfics @vunv @making-me-blush @skittlez-area512 @bloopbloopkai @byuns-asscheeks @baekyeonoreo @kimcarinaa

Please, always comment on the newest chapter if you wish to be added to/removed from the taglist. I will be also checking the tags, so if you're shy – feel free to leave a note this way.

Previous (Prologue)

Chap. 1.

Living in a small apartment close to the city center was not always convenient.

You regretted you couldn’t buy all the pretty things that you saw in stores or on Pinterest, because they’d easily overwhelm the limited space. Your neighbors constantly reminded you that they’re a few meters away from you, with screams, children’s cries, music, or chopping meat at 2 AM if that’s what a particular neighbor decided to do.

Fortunately, as the time passed, you got used to most of it and started to appreciate the small space, almost effortless to keep clean, close to both your university and the workplace, and the city center – an area that was always restless during the long days and nights that you spent watching it through your tall window, as if waiting for someone to look back at you.

Despite the comfort of living alone that you tried to indulge in, you couldn’t help growing lonelier and lonelier with every passing day. At the very least, your job and university often took the worries off your mind, and they eventually became your whole life, an existence that focused on never-ending effort in the name of better future, as though there was nothing in the present worth fighting for.

You studied finance; you didn’t give it much hope at first, but it ended up becoming interesting as you started connecting the dots and realizing how broad and important this topic was. Yet, as any newborn financier, you used your secret knowledge in the mysterious field of retail. In other words, you worked part-time as a cashier in a convenience store. Twenty four years old, on your way to getting that famous Master’s degree, already more than halfway through the process, yet – education without experience mattered nothing, as you realized the very moment you started looking for your first job, unable to keep counting on your parents. Not like you wanted to stay in touch with them, anyway.

Adulthood was difficult; the small apartment, due to its location, costed more than your whole family’s used to in your hometown. A small scholarship kept you set up with electricity and water fees, but for WiFi you needed to depend on a close-by library with a good signal; it turned out to have the connection good enough to reach from at least one place in your apartment, the one you coincidentally used for occasional observations. You weren’t sure whether you discovered the WiFi while sitting or if you developed the observing habit upon having to spend your time there over any other place. The only downside of this solution was that some sites were blocked after a scandal over men in the library performing actions other than polite studying, with the help of library computers. The event was outrageous to some, but primarily it became an object of jokes and memes all thorough the city, and maybe even country-wide to some extent. Either way, in times of need, your phone still had its meager data transfer. Good enough.

It was Saturday now; Saturdays were good but busy, because you worked at nights, then slept the shift off, and after you woke up, you could go and study all that you missed throughout the week, if for any reason the classes didn’t sound appealing enough or something else happened, distracting you from them. You spent Saturday afternoons either by the window of your room (where the WiFi reached) or just went straight to the library – a place way more spacious than your own apartment, and quieter as well. The only issue was, that you couldn’t snack in there and you ought to stay quiet. You decided to go with the latter and set foot towards the library.

Therefore, when your phone suddenly rang there, a few faces snapped towards you in obvious disapproval; you cursed internally, before you even managed to pull the phone out of your pocket, because you panicked so much that your hands shook at the initial attempt to do so. You got up from your seat and quickly disappeared between the bookshelves, where the people staying by the tables wouldn’t hear you so well anymore.

“Hello?” you whispered into the phone.

“Hello. Am I disturbing you?”

Your heart dropped as you recognized the voice, although you weren’t completely certain if you recognized it well, it sounded a bit different through the phone. The number was unknown on your phone, but there was only one person that could be calling you today.

You took a few seconds to compose yourself; less than you actually needed, but just enough so that the silence would not turn awkward.

“Um… I can’t talk loudly, but that’s okay.”

“I can call you later.”

“N-no need to, I’ll just whisper.”

“Okay, then.” He was quiet for a few seconds, but you heard some shuffling on the other side. “Do you have time tonight?”

The question was sudden, so you weren’t completely sure, if you did. But your mind felt too empty to figure that out, anyway.

“No. I mean, yes. Sorry, I meant I don’t have plans. So, um, yes, I’m free.” This didn’t sound professional at all. However, you heard quiet laughter on the other side and exhaled almost audibly in relief; it was the first time you heard him laugh with you, and it served to calm your nerves like a wave of calmness coming over you.

“Well, do you want to meet? I’m going to a museum and I don’t feel like going alone. What about that?”

“A museum? That… sounds nice.” When was the last time you’ve been to one? What a perfect opportunity to make a fool out of yourself. “What time?”

“Around six? If that’s okay with you.” If you remembered well, it had to be around three now.

“Sounds alright, where should we meet?”

“I’ll pick you up.”

“Okay. Thank you.” What were you exactly thanking him for? Hard to tell. But you heard him laugh again; you felt like he’s mocking you, but you quickly realized it couldn’t be the case – a warm voice like this couldn’t be ill-intended.

“Sure thing, you’re welcome. We’re set up, then?”

“A-actually, I have a question, if it’s not a problem.” You bit on your lip, knowing than in less than ten seconds, you were going to probably embarrass yourself in front of an educated and serious adult.

“What’s the matter?” he asked politely.

“So, um… What should I wear?”

* * *

You were grateful for the few tips given by Byun Baekhyun at the end of your conversation, because otherwise you’d either be underdressed or overdressed. You ended up wearing a more elegant university attire, something you usually wore for exams, but which didn’t make you appear too formal; a long, woolen skirt that was your private treasure due to its ability to keep you warm even in winter (and it was still spring; the weather was questionable), as well as leather shoes, a beige shirt and a thick, knitted cardigan. You felt quite modest; something told you that it wasn’t a regular date. You didn’t feel a need to reveal anything, or to focus on your feminine attributes. You just felt like it wouldn’t serve any purpose. As long as Baekhyun was concerned, you had an impression that he’s more interested in your mind than in the way you look – the clothes you wore last time, just a little bit revealing and suggestive, had done nothing to save you. You wanted only to look appropriate, and you were sure you managed to achieve at least that.

As you found out soon enough, he wasn’t particularly dressed up, either. A button-up shirt without without a tie – bow or neck type – and jeans, made of high-quality denim, not like the ripped through or worn out ones people sometimes wore. And a suede coat. Although he wasn’t dressed up to look attractive, it would be difficult not to feel attracted to him. Byun Baekhyun had his own aura of independence and considerate distance connected with subtle proximity, and this time, you had the chance to appreciate this harmony, working perfectly for him, highlighting his soft masculinity. Even more so, when you noted a small, gentle smile that appeared on his lips when he spotted you leaving your apartment block.

“Hi there” he spoke.

“Hi there” you replied.

“The museum is nearby, so I didn’t take the car, is that okay?”

It was probably too late to change the means of transport anyway, so the question was pointless. But no, you didn’t mind.

“It’s okay. What museum are we going to?”

He put hands in the pockets of his coat and tilted his head to the side, observing as you approached. You crossed your hands over your chest; it was a bit colder than you expected, and the skirt only warmed you up at the bottom, the wind still reached the top.

“You should put on something warmer. It’ll get even colder on the way back” he spoke. “Go back and get yourself a jacket, I’ll wait.”

You wanted to oppose and say it’s alright, but you didn’t; it didn’t feel right to argue with him. You only nodded and went home to retrieve a better outwear; you were back in no time.

“So? Which museum?”

You looked up at Baekhyun: the man walked by your side, or – in fact – you were walking by his; he stayed in control of the situation, but resonated with warmth and peacefulness rather than the coldness and stillness you experienced last time. And especially as he spoke, you found yourself easing into the conversation more naturally, and your initial fear quickly turned into innocent shyness upon the older man’s presence.

“A complex of museums nearby. There’s everything there, a historical museum of the region, one about the history of mining worldwide, and an art museum. I wanted to see the last one, I heard they unveiled a few new pieces since the the last time I went. You’re not local?” He glanced at you with polite curiosity.

“Not really. I moved here to study” you explained. “I know the nearby area, but I’m not too… um, social. I only know where to do the cheapest groceries and where they sell the best bread.”

“Where?”

“Behind the river, by the intersection with the highway. It looks small but really, you should try it out. Especially their cinnamon rolls.”

Baekhyun hummed.

“That sounds nice. I can recommend the best pizza in return.”

“You eat takeouts often?”

“Yep.”

“You’d save money if you cooked for yourself. Pizzas are expensive.”

Another warm laugh reached your ears, and through them, your heart as well.

“I’ll save money if I spend the time for cooking on working instead.”

“Okay, that’s a valid point. But homemade food is healthier.”

“Depends on where you buy your takeout.” He seemed to have an answer to your every doubt. “I wouldn’t trust just any restaurant, you know? It’s basically what my diet consists of.”

“Variety is also important. Don’t argue with me on that.”

“I won’t. But I won’t take you for a pizza, if that’s your stance on that.”

“I didn’t say I don’t want it” you remarked right away; he replied with laugh, which you found yourself copying naturally.

The conversation flowed smoothly, reaching more or less unimportant topics: the city life, current events, your university, possible career, Baekhyun’s interests – you found out he likes music; it’s too sad to work in silence – and the museum you were going to.

The place you felt initially quite neutral about, brought you more peace than you expected it to. It looked harmonious and the lights were soft. No one hurried through the gallery, and the paintings, although not so interesting at first, you soon learned to appreciate, trying to catch onto small details that, you could tell, Baekhyun already knew by heart, but he smiled every single time you pointed at something specific that caught your attention, even if it was as silly as matching colors, or realistically portrayed lights – these were your favorites.

And, slowly but surely, you got accustomed to the pretty sights, excitement turning into relaxation, and even Baekhyun himself seemed more content than you thought he’d be in your presence.

“You’re different,” you spoke as the two of you sat on a bench in front of one of the tall, monumental pieces; this one was a modern painting full of splashes and mixed colors, soft browns, yellows, and greens, so big that it definitely wouldn’t fit in your bedroom – the first thought you had upon seeing its size.

Despite the painting being in the very center of the gallery, you were the only ones watching it now.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re different today than you were yesterday” you elaborate. “Less… intimidating” you tried to put your thoughts into words.

Baekhyun laughed in response; the laughter was soft and warm, which made you exhale in relief – you feared that he’d feel offended at the remark.

“Yesterday was different. I needed to test you.”

“What do you mean?”

He stared at the painting as he leaned forward, resting elbows on his knees and shifting a little bit, probably thinking how to say the thing he had to say, without causing misunderstandings. You stared at him, completely having lost interest in the painting by now, ready to hear out whatever was to be spoken.

“People often come to me because they’re attracted to me. Well, not blaming them” he grinned; you rolled your eyes a little, but it did relieve the tension, most likely according to his own intention. “However, I’m not interested in romantic relationships. If you come to me expecting a date, you’ll get disappointed. And you won’t be able to handle what it is truly about, if I’m the only thing keeping you interested. It’ll be a hassle for the both of us.”

He glanced at you only briefly, ensuring that you’ve heard him so far before shifting his eyes back forward.

“So I’m always like this at first, just to see how determined you are, and how you behave under pressure. Then I leave you for a few minutes so you have the time to reconsider and leave if willing. That’s a safety measure for you.” He stopped for just a few seconds. “And you – all of you – always check what’s on the other side of the sheet. That’s a safety measure for me.”

“Safety measure?”

“Trust is the basis of the whole deal. If you don’t admit, that you looked at it, it means you’ll keep hiding things later on as well, and I can’t have that.”

“So if I…”

“Yes. If you didn’t correct your statement, we wouldn’t be here right now.” The words sounded ominous even despite the calm tone that Baekhyun used.

“I understand.”

You actually did; the strange aura of yesterday’s meeting finally started to clear out, leaving the simplest facts that all fit into the bigger picture. Yet, you still didn’t know enough. There were more things, more questions, each of which demanded an answer of its own. However, you were still unsure of your stance, and of what Baekhyun had planned for you – for the both of you.

“Will you accept me, then?” you asked finally, breaking through the silence.

“I don’t know yet” he replied in an honest tone, finally reciprocating your gaze. His features were soft, you could tell, he tried not to hurt you with his words. “You’re a nice girl, but I’m not sure if it’ll work out. I need more time. Primarily, I need to get to know you better. And I feel like you need more time, too.”

You nodded slowly.

“Could you, um… tell me more about it?”

“About what I do?”

“Yeah. You didn’t tell me much last time. You mostly only asked questions.”

“True. I may answer some of yours, if you’d like. What are you interested in?”

You cleared your throat; some questions seemed more intrusive than the others and you preferred to leave them for later.

“What would you want to do with me, if we set up a um… a scene?” Is that how you professionally call it? You didn’t remember all that well; you were, in fact, with no experience, only the Internet and your own curiosity to lead you forward – the temptation to explore your interests had been progressing in silence up until now.

“Well, depends on what would be suitable. I do different things with different people. Sometimes, it’s about what they like, and sometimes about what I like, and, the most often, it’s about what we both like. Everyone needs a different approach. I enjoy finding the right approach, and exploring it. It’s different when you start with a virgin, different when you start with a brat, different when you start with someone experienced, different when you start with someone with trauma. The last type is a person I don’t like engaging in. It’s a vulnerable ground and the person often seeks relief instead of therapy. I’m not a therapist. I’m a dominant.”

You took your time to analyze his words and put them all together in your head before you spoke again.

“You wrote something like that on the sheet. That I may have trauma.”

“That’s different,” Baekhyun was quick to elaborate. “Everyone has trauma of sort. Childhood traumas are more common than you think. I meant specifically trauma that comes from similar ground as the one I’m on. It’s not the case for you. According to what you said, you’ve never had any experiences like this and never engaged sexually or romantically.”

Pointing that out hurt a little; yes, so what if you’re 24 years old and a virgin? You had the right to choose your pace. But, you quickly realized, it was your own insecurity poking at you, because Baekhyun sounded anything but judgmental. He didn’t seem particularly impressed either – and you were thankful for that as well. You’ve seen enough men sounding excited when a woman was discovered to be unexperienced. You hated that even more than those who made fun of you; and in the long run, you just learned not to overshare. Telling Baekhyun this truth wasn’t the easiest, so having him say it so casually was definitely weird in your ear.

“However, that’s also a vulnerable point. You don’t know what you’re getting into. It looks different on the screen or in the books than it is in real life. I’m not going to reject you just because you’re new, because everyone’s been at some point. But you must understand, it’s a responsibility, and I don’t want to take one I’m not capable of handling.”

“Have you ever been with someone else like that?”

“With a virgin?”

“…Yeah.”

“Yes. Once. But I didn’t handle it too well back then.”

“What do you mean?”

Baekhyun rubbed his chin, pressing his lips together in slight uneasiness. But you didn’t revoke your question – maybe you should have, for the sake of his comfort, but you felt that the answer wouldn’t be meaningless to you.

“She wanted to be exclusive,” the man finally answered. “I tolerated her for too long. I should have broken the deal as soon as I started seeing red flags, instead of ending up sleeping with her. It made everything only worse.” He spoke quietly, making sure people passing by at times would hear no word. You heard everything clearly, though. “That’s why I’m more picky now. Breaking the deal is not a good thing if it comes from one side. It may leave the other devastated, that’s why I’d rather reduce the risk in advance.”

He looked at your face, seeking understanding and acceptance. You nodded slowly, trying to keep your face as neutral as possible. You didn’t want to add to the pain already displayed on his own. But you appreciated his transparency.

“Does it mean that sex is not always involved?”

“With me, it rarely is” he admitted patiently. “I’m not against it, but I usually do other things. People rarely expect it, and I never pry. Mainly, because in this particular case, I do expect exclusivity. So, as long as no sex is involved, I know some of my subs are dating other people, or even engaging with other doms. However, for safety reasons I demand health checks prior to intercourse, and so on. Not just for me, but because I’m not exclusive myself.” You wondered if his choice of vocabulary was meant to make things less awkward. “However, actual sex is only one of the possibilities. Sexual pleasure that doesn’t involve direct touch may be used as a tool for training, for rewarding and for punishing, even as entertainment… not necessarily to the person it influences. As I said, it depends on who it’s done with. And it may take different forms, too. What’s your stance on that?”

“I don’t feel like I’d be able to as much as undress in front of someone who’s not my doctor” you answered almost instantly, the answer obvious to you, a matter you’ve thought about enough. “Although… well, I suppose it takes time. I’m not against the idea, just… you know.”

Baekhyun only nodded; you glanced at him, feeling a need for any reply that’d soothe you a little.

“I understand. That’s okay.”

You figured it out now; using more formal language made it less embarrassing to listen to. It’s like he tore the words off emotions and left facts only, and you found yourself easing into saying more and more, your embarrassment dissolving as well. No judgments were made.

“Is there anything else you want to know?”

“A lot, to be honest. But I think I know enough for now.”

Right as you said the last words, a sound echoed in the museum, in a soft female voice saying that the museum will close in fifteen minutes.

You took one last glance at the huge painting in front of you, but you felt like, at this point, you wouldn’t find anything new among the random stains and splatters. Baekhyun got up from his seat on the bench and so did you. You spotted him hide a small yawn behind his hand.

The day was coming to an end, and so was your small date – as un-date-ish as it could be.

* * *

Please, reblog if you enjoyed, it'll help me a bunch!

Author's note: hope you're enjoying it so far! Trying to give it a bit sense before more things happen, and, hopefully, this chapter clears it out a little bit. Feel free to talk to me if anything is unclear!

Next (Chapter 2.)

#exowritersnet #kdiarynet #bbh-net #exosnet #exo baekhyun #exo bbh #bbh x reader #bbh #exo #byun baekhyun #exo fanfiction #baekhyun fanfiction #exo x reader #baekhyun x reader #vg: vulnerability #vg: exo #vg: baekhyun #vg: series

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stormblessed95 · 3 years

Note

Hello, this is the fantasy photoshoot concept anon from before! I absolutely love what concepts you did for the maknae line! And I would love to see the concept you wanted too! If they went a little darker, I think it would blow our minds away. I love books too but I haven't been able to read as much as I want due to certain circumstances. If you have time, I would like to see what you have for the hyung line!

Also, please recommend some books you love. My book nerd heart is gasping for air rn lol.

What is one (or multiple lol) thing about Yoongi that you want to talk about?

I adore Stray Kids. The amount of music they have put out and the fact that a lot of them are very catchy is amazing. I've noticed that when Kpop bands put out an amazing first debut song, it is hard to keep up with the pressure of creating a just as good one. And they do it everytime in my opinion. Felix is what pulled me in and he became my Bias Wrecker, while my Bias is Han! I love the dynamics between all of them and I am watching a certain duo because I can see something possibly developing in the future if that makes any sense (don't think anything is happening rn but they certainly look cognizant of the other. So, hmm.) They have good chemistry, imo, and the way the members pick at them sometimes blows my mind. Keeping my eye peeled definitely lol.

Sorry for the rant! I get happy when talking about things that I love. Have a nice day and stay safe!

Ah! This is fantasy photoshoot concept anon! I forgot to add it in, but I would love to see a post on BTS and the media! It would definitely be interesting!

Welcome back! And okay... if you insist, I will also cast the hyung line as some of my favorite book characters. No need to push so hard 😉

Starting with our leader! Not only does he give me all the prince vibes already, he is our leader and I can just see him as this character sometimes (minus the black hair. I feel like RM has black hair the least in the group lol) Namjoon as Prince Dorian from Throne of Glass

Worldwide Handsome Jin. I cannot think of ANYONE better suited to play literal perfection, literal work of art, so pretty he glows.... Seokjin as The God King, Susebron. No lies the Butter photos made me think of this immediately, he was literally glowing he looked so good

Yoongi with blonde hair will sometimes give me Rowan Whitethorn vibes. Also sometimes with his personality too. Also from the throne of glass series. Someone get Yoongi a hawk to pose with for a shoot too, I would literally DIE

And finally, J-hope as one of my all time favorite characters with one of the sweetest and kindest hearts, best smile and essentially the most handsome man in the entire series... lol I can see Hobi as Adolin Kholin from Stormlight Archive. He would slay in that role. I would honestly love to see Hobi with a giant sword too. Plus Adolin and Kaladin (who I did for JK) have the best bromance ever and I feel like that translates to the 2 of them in real life as well lol

And let me just indulge for JUST A MOMENT my love for paranormal werewolf novels (no, its nothing like a/b/o fanfics.... sorry) and do a jikook as Joe and Ox one too. Sorry, not sorry. I love this series too and while they are very different personality wise, I can also see them cuddled up together and with the rest of their bangtan pack too always.

I'm so sorry for all of you who don't care about this at all, but this was so fun for me 🤣😂 You can find the maknae line in my last post about fantasy concepts. Here is the link for that ask with the maknae line characters:

Anon, if you are comfortable enough to DM me you should and I can give better book recs that way! I have lots, just gotta know what you tend to like to read. Same for anyone else who wants any. For now, I did enjoy and love the books I casted the members in. So those were:

Stormlight Archive series by Brandon Sanderson

The Grishaverse Trilogy by Leigh Bardugo (i enjoyed the spin off books from this series even more)

Caraval trilogy by Stephanie Garber (spin off staring Jacks, aka Jimin, coming soon)

Throne of Glass series by Sarah J Maas

Warbreaker by Brandon Sanderson

Wolfsong by T.J. Klune

And again, if you are comfortable DMing me, I would love some Stray Kids song recs from you as well!

And I will definitely add How BTS is treated unfairly by the Media to my list of blog posts to write at some point 😅

Thanks for coming back and for the super fun asks! I greatly enjoyed them! Sorry again for the hundreds of you I know don't really care lol I did say bookish posts might pop up on this blog every now and then. I did warn you!

#anon #ask #smiled through this whole ask thanks #bts and jikook meet the book world

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3arzal · 3 years

Text

sincerity is scary (part 1)

nathan mackinnon / reader

3,200+ words (for this part at least)

friends to lovers. this turned out angstier than i originally planned in my head um...

warning for swearing

author’s note: many months ago, i said i was done with writing, then i clowned myself. this is the first time i’m writing an x reader type of fic because i used to write kpop bg pairings so idk how decent this will be lol. anyway, this is a highly personal and self-indulgent fic and something i’ve wanted to write for a very long time. to all my fellow hopeless-romantic tomboys out there waiting for their turn in love, this one goes to you. i said i was content with reading fics because i’m too lazy to write but oh well fucking shit.

Your first memory including Nate was his fourth birthday party. It was a memory that makes you smile come a time that you think about it while spacing out. You remember it vaguely, but all the details don’t even matter. You remember sitting next to him at the big table as he blows his cake. There’s a picture of that somewhere in the photo albums in your parents’ house. You remember being the new kid in the neighbourhood, but you lived next to the MacKinnon’s. Even if Nate had a few friends from nursery, you eventually became his best friend. You were a shout away from him and all the details don’t matter, because until now that you’re both twenty five, you’re still the bestest of friends even if you lived in different American states--him in Colorado and you finally landing your dream job in New York City.

It was a special friendship that had been rock solid for twenty one years. You know he has a lot of people in his life now being the NHL superstar that he is. You know he considers some of the guys and some of his teammates as his best friends as well. All of that did not bother you to say the least. It was okay, because he was meant for great things and you were there to witness him achieve everything he longed and wished for since you were kids. You know you will always have a place in his heart, and him in yours, because that’s what best friends do, right? They’re each other’s biggest support system, away or together.

You were there in all of his home games, you spent almost all of your childhood with him in the rink, he gladly participated in any hobby you had at the time, and most of all, he made sure that if he had free time, it was all yours. You couldn’t ask for a better best friend and neither can he.

Now, as you sit in front of him in a hotel restaurant in the middle of Aspen at his birthday dinner on a trip he insisted you two take before the pre-season starts, you stare at him in part-shock-part-confusion as he lays his heart out on the table with a confession you did not see coming at all: “I guess I’ve been in love with you all this time.”

Now, see, you have always been Nate’s tomboy best friend. You were the girl who played hockey with him when you were kids and the girl who skateboarded all throughout middle school. You were the girl no guy has ever looked at like that, because you were different from all the pretty blondes and skinny girls and conventionally female specimen that boys would usually like. It didn’t bother you, not until high school anyway, when you finally crushed on some other guy that wasn’t in yours and Nate’s friend group. It was the biggest infatuation of your life so far, and when you realized he’ll never look at you like how he looks at the girls who wear skirts and tank tops, you gave up on even trying to feel.

“Are you seriously looking at skirts?” You remember Nate asking you one time you were both in the mall and he caught you lingering around skirts. You were both sixteen at the time, and he just got back from his morning hockey practice. You looked down on your usual oversized tee and baggy pants and your favorite pair of tattered Vans and thought, yeah, how can you even choose to wear a skirt willingly? It didn’t offend you or anything, his question was purely out of curiosity and not one of judgment.

You shrugged at him, “Don’t you think it’s about time I dress more girly? I’m turning seventeen soon, and I still haven’t had a boyfriend.”

“I dunno, you dress fine to me.” Nathan said then, and then it hit you--if Nate says you look fine then other people’s opinion shouldn’t even matter. He was your bestest friend, and you trust him because you have to. You should. But he’s still a guy, and you’re a teenage girl who’s becoming more self-conscious as the days go by because that’s how life goes when you’re sixteen and hormonal. You shrug it off, though, because looking pretty was the least of your concerns anyway.

The following year, you get asked out on a date by one of the guys you went to middle school with. He was decent, and you were consistently talking to him and hanging out the past summer. He made you laugh and he became such a charmer since you last met him when you were pre-pubescent kids. It was your first date ever, and a week before you were highly stressing out on what you should wear, on what you should do, because you were seventeen and had no experience being with someone other than, lo and behold, Nathan.

He was away from you now, doing his hockey thing and being great, but phone calls were still consistent between the two of you, and after stressing out for two whole hours trying to rummage the internet for Tips On How To Nail Your First Date, you finally give up and whine to him over the phone.

“Him? You’re going on a date with him? Wasn’t he like...a wimpy kid back then or something?” His voice is tired on the other line. His team lost tonight, and you know he’s frustrated about it, but he doesn’t really talk to you about it because he chooses not to. You’re going to change that soon because you know he’s too hard on himself when he loses. He knows you’re there to listen if he wants to whine, but for some reason he never talks about a loss with you anymore. Not like he used to back when you were younger and you still lived near each other.

“Nathan, be nice.” You rarely call him Nathan because to you he has always been Nate. It means you’re dead serious right now. You mess up your short hair and stare at all the possible clothing options you’ve laid out on your bed. It’s mostly t-shirts, the ones that are close to your actual size, and then you realized you have no jeans that actually fit because all of them are baggy ones.

“Wow, she’s calling me Nathan. Who’s that guy?” He calls from the other line. His speech is turning more slurry, like he’s already falling asleep but trying hard to fight it. “But seriously, why do you need to dress up, anyway? Your clothes are fine.”

“You’re not a girl, you wouldn’t understand.” You tell him in a moment of miniscule irritation--not with him, but with yourself, because it then hits you: you want to impress this guy. You want to appear different for him, because it’s your first ever date, and finally someone’s looking at you and making you feel pretty--like a girl. “Oh my god…” You croak after spacing out, and you jump a bit when you hear Nate through the speaker phone, forgetting that he’s still on the other line.

“What’s wrong?”

“Holy shit. I just realized I’m finally trying to get in touch with my girly side. Seventeen years too late for that.” You snort at how ridiculous you’re being, at how silly this whole situation is because you’ve never tried to change who you were before attraction came in the way. You realized you were turning into a woman without knowing it, and it’s not really bothersome because you are a woman. It’s just something different from what you’re used to growing up even if you were no stranger to it having an older sister who is undeniably more female than you. Nate didn’t have any problem that you have a vagina but can also beat up any guy who picks on you for being such a tomboy. Nate loved it when you played hockey with him even if he beat you every time. He loved watching you skate, cackles when you fall down, but gets concerned as he should when you get scrapes and bruises. He’s fine with what you are--with the way you dress, the way you project yourself to people, the way you’re not just any other girl. You’re his best friend and he loves you just as you are.

You remember that time at the mall last year when you were looking at those skirts, you remember what he told you back then, and then you remember why it doesn’t matter what you wear on a date. If any other people can’t handle you the way that you are then they don’t really have to matter to you, too.

The date approaches and you give up, thinking if this guy talks to you and even ended up asking you out he should accept you as you are, right?

You’re wrong, because three dates in all he ever did was subtly criticize everything you did. He was trying to groom you into the girlfriend you can never be for him, and that appalled you so much and hurt you at the same time. You think he’d be one of the few guys who’ll understand that as much as you want to, you can’t really change who you are for someone else.

Nathan was livid. “Fuck that guy. He’s nuts.” He crackles through one of your nightly phone calls. “He’s ugly, he sounds like a rat, and I bet he smells like--”

“Okay, enough.” You chuckle at his frustration despite feeling down the past few days post ‘break-up’. “It’s okay, really, but I’m not that girl for him.”

“You’re not. You’re like leagues cooler than him, anyway.”

“Damn right I am.”

In the following years as he started his NHL career in Colorado, and with you moving to New York for your job, you’ve only seen him a handful of times although the Facetimes were still consistent. The time difference was there, and even if your calls only lasted about ten minutes or so as you both caught up with your lives, it was enough. You didn’t need two hours with him on the phone, because yours and Nate’s friendship was as solid as an asteroid crater on land. It could be two years since you’ve last spoken to one another and when you do see each other again it’s like nothing has changed. You’re grateful for it, because with you having a new life in NYC and him making a home out of Denver, he’s still the one piece of Cole Harbour you have anywhere you go.

You forget about dating as you focus on your job. You love it, and you love living in New York. You’ve made friends that you can already consider as family. You have a great life ahead of you and you know it. You watch Nate’s games when he’s in town. You meet him back home in Canada when you managed to get a week off from work. Life is good and steady. For a while you thought that the happiness you managed to find will last a long time, and it did...until it didn’t. That’s when you realized.

Nate gets a girlfriend. Her name is incredibly girly and she’s fucking beautiful.

The Facetimes and phone calls were less now, has been for the last couple of months, really, but that did not bother you at all because they were having a fantastic season and you understand his job comes first.

What hurt you though was how he just dropped the news like a bomb through text. And you two never ever texted. You didn’t even get a scoop that he was seeing someone, never even mentioned anyone when you two manage to sneak in calls in between your busy schedules. It’s on a sad and dull Friday night when you were sulking on your couch because nobody was available to hang out with you to get a drink when the text comes.

‘Guess I have a gf now lol. Her name’s __’ Attached is a picture of her seated across from Nate on what appears to be a restaurant.

You sit up in alarm, your heart beating a mile per second, followed by a heavy ache in your chest. You don’t know what to feel yet you’re feeling everything all at once--surprise, confusion, anger. The happiness is questionable. You sit there for a whole five minutes staring at the very random text when the text bubble appears on the screen.

‘You know it says when you’ve read my message ryt’

You don’t really know and you don’t really care right now. You want to yell at him and demand details, but you’re really confused as to why he’s texting when he usually just calls you. It was eight in the evening when you decided to sleep away the dull ache in your chest and that heavy heart of yours. You turn your phone on silent as you put it inside the drawer of your bedside table.

The following day you wake up at noon. You instinctively reach for your phone on the bedside table when your hands come up with nothing--and then you remember where you put it the previous night. You didn’t dare check it, though, because the moment you wake up you know the ache is still there. You remember those damn texts, you remember everything you’ve felt as you lie in your bed for hours when your mind and body refuses to shut down.

You skip breakfast because you weren’t really hungry, so you do your laundry instead. It leads to you cleaning your bathroom, and then that leads to cleaning your entire apartment, and when you managed to finish it was almost four in the afternoon. You were too tired to cook, so you munch on cereal. You chug several bottles of water after when you realize you haven’t had any the entire day. You take a quick shower. You switched on Netflix on your flatscreen and you managed to finish two movies. You stare blankly on the rolling credits as you feel your mind shut down. You’ve managed to avoid thinking about Nate and his new girlfriend for the entire day, and now that it’s evening again you feel every damn feeling come back. You finally decide to check on your phone.

Fifteen messages and ten phone calls all from Nate. Funny how that turned out. You check some more and there were texts and a few calls from your sister and from a few friends from back home. You check that out first, and you were surprised that they all seem to ask you the same damn thing: You okay? Where are you? Nate texted me saying you weren’t answering your phone.

Ten phone calls left unanswered.

Then you finally get to his messages:

‘Why you leaving me on read?’

‘Heyyyyyy’

‘y/n…..!!!!!!!!!’

‘I’m getting worried wtf’

‘Y u aint answering meeeee’

‘I’ve called five times!!’

‘TEN times!’

‘Are you okay?’

‘Holy shit where the hell are you’

‘Don’t joke with me like this I’m fucking serious answer your phone’

‘Even your sister can’t reach you’

‘What’s happening? Are you at a party and drunk off your ass in some dark alley in nyc?’

‘Jesus i don’t even know your friends there i can’t contact anyone to check on you’

‘Just please call me back asap. I’m fucking worried bc you always have your phone with u’

‘Hope you’re okay’

It’s kinda funny how he stopped trying, because you haven’t been on your phone the entire day as well and there weren’t any follow up texts or calls this day. You don’t know when the bitterness settled in but now you finally know what you feel and you feel bad that you’re feeling that way. Why are you reacting this badly? You don’t even know, but to calm his dramatic ass down you finally reply to him.

‘Sorry lol im sick i’ve been asleep and weak the whole day’

You jump on the call that lights up your screen immediately and you panic while thinking of ways to sound sick.

“Hey…”

“Jesus fucking christ.” Is how he greets you. “I’ve been worried sick the whole day.” You suppress a snort because you don’t know how true that is. “You okay?”

“Not really…” You try to croak. “Got a raging fever.”

“How long? Maybe you should go to the hospital. Don’t you have someone who can drive you?”

“Unlike you, I don’t have someone.” Is what slips out of your mouth before you can even think about it. You gasp at your own display of bitterness because that sounded harsher than you intended. You know he means well, and of course you know that he knows you have many friends in the city. He wasn’t specifically pointing out a boyfriend, but you sure are making things big. Stupid fucking bitterness. Stupid fucking jealousy. You tried to deny it, but when you’re close to crying over your best friend getting a girlfriend that he apparently hid from you, then you know what it really is after all.

His silence is deafening and it’s the first time you’ve ever felt awkward with him and you’re not even together in the same damn place.

As the silence stretches on, you hear a voice in the background call out. “Nate? You coming to bed?”

And you beat him before he can voice out a reply to her, or to you. “I’m fine. I can take care of myself. You should go, I’m hanging up. Catch ya later.”

You don’t ‘catch up’ with him, not for another three days, and even then it’s still through text. Your last phone call had been two weeks prior to his girlfriend revelation. You tell him you’ve recovered from your (fake) fever and that you’ve been busy with work you missed. He tells you about his schedules and games and the new guy who’s recently traded to the Avs. There wasn’t another phone call for weeks to come and it’s weird not hearing his voice for more than a month.

You’ve finally managed to put your jealousy aside as you try to ignore that, yes, you’re probably in love with Nate without you even knowing. Over the weeks that passed you’ve come to a very, very annoying realization that the reason why you don’t and can’t date is because no one will even compare to Nate. You’ve managed to put him on a pedestal when you really shouldn’t have but it’s hard when he’s the best guy you’ve ever known. He’s the only guy who understands you and knows you inside out. He has no judgement for who you are. He was the one you shared your entire life with and no one of the opposite gender will probably solidify himself on you as Nate did. You think life has been okay because it’s you and him against the world even if you’ve been long distance for a long time now. Him not telling you about this girl from the beginning really, really hurt you more than it should, but you will come to realize it’s the wake-up call you badly needed.

You’re fucking in love with Nathan MacKinnon and that scares you.

#nathan mackinnon #colorado avalanche #oh look she tried to fucking write #nhl fic #nathan mackinnon x reader #the word realize has been in this things too many times im so fucking sorry #nhl fanfiction

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solarune · 4 years

Text

oversized

pairing: kim seokjin x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 892

a/n: have another self-indulgent drabble featuring isabelle’s thursday night emotional support kpop boy. enjoy!! feedback is always appreciated :-)

The rain has always made you sleepy. Sometimes you like the rain; how refreshing it feels on your skin, the smell that lingers in the air even when it’s gone, the sense of a new beginning as it washes everything away. But most of the time, you just feel sleepy.

And with Seokjin already gone, left you with a kiss to your forehead at some absurd hour of the morning for practice, and not pulling you out of bed for breakfast, it’s the perfect combination to keep you tucked in bed. So in bed you stay, faded college shirt bunched around your torso and an old pair of Jin’s shorts that shrunk in the dryer twisted around your legs while the rain pounds against the window. You wake up occasionally to check your phone, glance at the time to see how long it would be until your boyfriend comes home, drink an entire glass of water or two, and go to the bathroom because of aforementioned glasses of water. But in the end, you always fall back asleep. The comforters are just too warm, the bed is just too soft, and the smell of Seokjin is just too strong for you to leave.

Until you hear the front door opening.

You stare up at the ceiling as you listen to the sounds of Jin moving around outside; the jingling of keys as he hangs them up on the hook by the door, the thump of his shoes as he takes them off, the shuffle of his footsteps as he walks, and the loud sigh he lets out accompanied with the groan of the couch as he plops down on it. Your desperation for some attention from your boyfriend wins over your need to lie in bed for the rest of the day, so you throw the covers off of you rather dramatically and get out of bed with a soft groan. Stretching your arms over your head, you yawn and then laugh to yourself when you hear your joints crack. The cold air finally settles over your skin, causing goosebumps to appear, so you grab one of Jin’s oversized hoodies (oversized on him, that is, so it basically makes you look like a toddler) and pull it over your head before shuffling out of your bedroom.

Jin perks up at the sight of you, a wide smile appearing on his face that matches your own as you quickly walk over to him with your arms outstretched. “Baby, I didn’t know you were home!” he exclaims, excited that he gets to spend some time with you. “You were so quiet, I thought you were out.”

“I spent all day in bed,” you say with a shake of your head. You clamber into his lap and bury your face into his neck, sighing in contentment when you feel him wrap his arms around your waist and his warmth beginning to seep through the fabric of his hoodie. “I was waiting for you to come home.”

“Well I’m home now,” he mumbles, lips brushing against your skin as he presses a kiss into your temple. “What did you want to do?”

Instead of replying, you just shake your head and shimmy closer to him, inhaling his scent and letting the gentle movement of his hands against your waist lull you into a sense of comfort. The two of you stay like that for a few minutes; you just basking in the presence of your boyfriend while Jin scrolls through his phone and occasionally kisses you somewhere that’s easy for him to access in the position that you’re in. But then your stomach growls rather loudly, and the peaceful moment is broken by Seokjin’s laughter.

“Did you eat a bear while I was out? What was that?” he jokes as he pulls back to look at you. He rubs his hand over your stomach affectionately and laughs once more when you slap his hand away with a glare. Seokjin grabs both your hands in his and intertwines your fingers together, gently swaying your arms as he looks at you like you hung the moon in the sky. “I’ll cook you something, angel, hm? How does that sound?”

You huff at his proposal, mulling it over in your head; you are hungry but you also want his attention…

As if he can read your mind, Seokjin brings his face closer to yours with a soft smile. “You can sit on the counter and watch me while I cook,” he says, offering a solution to your problem. “So I’m not too far from you.” You burst out laughing at his proposal but agree nonetheless.

Your heart flutters in your chest while you watch him cook, his thumb rubbing your knee affectionately as he stirs some onions around in the pot. “Sorry I’m so needy today,” you apologize, reaching your hand out to run your fingers through his hair. “I just missed you.”

He chuckles as he moves towards you to stand between your legs, his hands coming up to hold your face and touch his forehead to yours. You close your eyes and smile, the affectionate gesture warming you from the inside out. “My girl wearing my clothes and loving on me the second I get home? Angel, there’s nothing I could want more than this right now.”

#btsguild #bts drabble #bts imagine #seokjin imagine #kim seokjin scenario #jin scenario #bts fluff #seokjin fluff #jin fluff #seokin drabble #bts fic #bts x reader #seokjin x reader #kim seokjin fluff #kim seokjin drabble #kpop imagine #kpop drabble #kim seokin imagine

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boreum-dal · 3 years

Text

cardcaptor sakura: boy band au #1

so, a while back, in the midst of a DEEP dive into BTS, @swingsdown and i brainstormed a stupidly indulgent CCS boy band AU which i’ve written in bits and pieces over the last few months for fun. i don’t plan to do much with it, but i thought it’d be fun to post little bits of it here as it gets written.

below is the rundown:

touya, yukito, eriol, syaoran, and yamazaki make up japan’s hottest boy group, CLOW, a group that has smashed regional and global records, amassed a cult-like legion of fans, and reached new peaks of success with every comeback they stage. beyond good looks, catchy music, and charming personalities, the group captures the hearts of fans with what appears to be genuine brotherhood and love for each other both on- and off-camera. but just when it looks like they can’t fly any higher, yukito, the glue of the group, abruptly leaves, and everything is at risk of falling apart.

these are non-chronological vignettes of the band’s time together, both while yukito is with them and after he leaves as they try to stage a return to the music world.

[see below for descriptions of the boys’ roles in the band, etc. + first vignette]

navigation:

[intro & post-yukito #1] [post-yukito #2] [post-yukito #3]| [during yukito #1]

-touya: rapper/singer, 26, group leader, trainee for longest (6 years--15 to 21) because he didn’t have any proper musical training when he auditioned; wanted to become a musician to help make ends meet for his family. best rapper, ok singer, worst dancer. Is friendly enough for an idol but a little stoic but has lots of fans because he’s very good looking

-yamazaki: rapper/singer, 24, exceptionally good dancer and ok rapper, relatively terrible singer but had to take vocal lessons to improve after yukito left to help fill the gap; never fights with anyone, chaotic energy at almost all times, known for his smiley eyes; known for weirdly high iq

-eriol: singer, 22, classically trained/very good vocalist, TERRIBLE rapper, pretty good dancer, calmest/most polite out of the group, best “face of the group,” known for classic good looks, comes from rich family, bff/roomies with syaoran

-syaoran: singer, 22, second best vocalist behind eriol, not good rapper, pretty good dancer, sometimes gets called “mini touya” because they’re both a little surly and look alike (and is popular despite stoicism/attitude bc he’s cute), hardest on himself and known to be a perfectionist, bff/roomies with eriol, auditioned through global casting in hong kong, had to learn japanese, english, and korean in training

-their fans unironically call themselves “CLOWn.”

-this is modeled much more after kpop boy groups/the kpop system in general, which i know is quite different from the jpop scene.

====

[post-yukito #1]

Syaoran watched, holding his breath, as the cameraman counted down with his fingers from three for their cue. At zero, he bowed in perfect unison with his bandmates, rising back up with a practiced smile. Yukito had taught him that the eyes mattered the most--if they don’t crinkle a little, people won’t think it’s genuine, he’d said. Syaoran squeezed the muscles around his cheeks just a little bit tighter and swallowed back bile. He felt Yamazaki squeeze his elbow to his left, and realizing how tense his shoulders were, he took in a breath and tried to force himself to relax.

“Hello, we’re CLOW,” he chorused with the group, and he threw up a v-sign with his fingers, maintaining the fake-genuine smile. Yukito would have been to his right if he’d been here, and he tried not to think about how painfully naked his right shoulder felt. They’d been preparing for this for months, and even so, everything about this situation suddenly felt horribly wrong.

“Hi, CLOW!” the host, a chipper young woman with bright blue hair and purple contact lenses who’d recently made her solo debut a few months ago, exclaimed, turning briefly to them before facing the camera again.

Syaoran briefly recalled the first time they’d been on this particular concert pre-show; it had been three weeks into their debut, and he’d been so nervous that he could hardly see straight. The interviewer then had been a young man, a fellow idol singer doing a three-month stint as the host for the show, and when the host had held the mic up to Syaoran’s face, he’d been totally speechless, his voice shot from nerves. His whole group--Eriol in particular--had given him hell about it for weeks afterward. Even Yukito, in all his sweet earnestness, had given him some good-natured ribbing about it. Only Touya had refrained, for one reason or another.

“Today is a very exciting day--your first comeback in over six months with your new single, LOVETORN!” the host said, turning towards Touya. “Tell us, how are you feeling?”

Touya leaned into the mic, facing the camera and wearing a convincingly charming grin. “It feels amazing. We are so happy to be able to provide new music for our fans, who have been so loving and wonderful while we’ve been on our break. We only hope that our fans love the single with as much love as we poured into making it.”

“Well, within twenty-four hours of the music video’s release on YouTube, it already hit 70 million views, so I think we can say with certainty that your fans love the single!” the host chirped. “Can you tell us what the meaning behind this song is?”

Syaoran was relieved the mic did not go to him for this question; he’d have had a difficult time not rolling his eyes. The meaning was pretty clear, he thought. It was a song about wanting someone back. Touya and the producers had decided to capitalize off of the most painful moment in the band’s four-year history by writing a fucking song about the departure of the one member that had truly held the team together.

Eriol, predictably, was a little more diplomatic in his response, for better or for worse. “Yes, it’s about the pain of being apart from your loved one for a prolonged period of time and life not being the same without them,” he said into the mic. He pushed up his glasses. “In our case, it’s about us being separated from our beloved CLOWNs for so long and wanting desperately to be reunited. And here we are today.”

The host smiled. “Such a sad song, but you’re all so happy to be here! How are you going to emote something so painful onstage?”

It was Syaoran’s turn to speak. All eyes were on him now, and taking an imperceptible half-second to compose himself, he turned on his megawatt smile once more. “It’s quite simple, really. We’ll just think about the times that inspired us to write this song in the first place. All the hardships, all the heartache--we’ll bring it all back onstage. And to that end,” he said, looking directly into the camera, “we’ve missed you very much.”

He hoped Yukito was watching, even though he knew he wasn’t.

“That is lovely, and we can’t wait to see you perform. Yamazaki, would you like to kick off the performance?”

Yamazaki stuck his face into the camera with a wide grin. “Absolutely. You’re watching Music Centre, and get ready for CLOW’s comeback with our new single, LOVETORN, in three, two, one!”

“Cut!” The director shouted, and the cameras stopped rolling. “Great job, everyone. I love when we get everything we need in one take--after all that time away, you really are true professionals.”

The group bowed, murmuring thanks, and shuffled backstage toward the dressing rooms.

“Good job, everyone,” Yoshiyuki Terada, the group’s manager, called, looking up from an iPad. “Take ten and then we’ll meet back here--you’re due onstage after this next performance.”

Syaoran made it into the dressing room first, and immediately, he grabbed his headphones out of the pocket of his hoodie hanging from the door and shoved them into his ears. The last thing he wanted to do right now was reflect with the band on that painful interview--not right before they had to go outside and bear their souls to the world for a four-minute performance. Just as he sat down on one of the sofas, though, he felt one of the earbuds being plucked out of his ear.

He looked up indignantly to see Touya holding the earbud, who was staring down at him with his lips drawn into a disapproving frown. “Quick team meeting.”

Syaoran scowled, but he turned around and leaned the front of his torso against the back of the sofa to face the rest of the group.

“Okay, guys,” Touya said, leaning against the vanity and crossing his arms. “First live performance of our comeback. How are we feeling?”

“Pretty good, now that the interview’s over,” Eriol said with a sigh. He reached down toward the floor to stretch his legs. “That was the hardest part for me.”

Yamazaki nodded. “Now that we don’t have to talk, I feel fine. It’s just a matter of doing what we’ve been practicing for the last two months now. It’s all muscle memory from here!”

Touya glanced at Syaoran next. Syaoran glared at him for a moment, but then he met Eriol’s softer gaze, and he deflated a little. “I’m--I’ll be fine. I’m not nervous.”

Touya pursed his lips. “You know that’s not what I’m asking.”

“I know.” Syaoran swallowed. “But I don’t know what else I can say.”

Touya regarded him in silence for a moment, and Syaoran knew without looking that Eriol and Yamazaki were watching the exchange with bated breath. Much to Syaoran’s relief, Touya let out a sigh and shrugged his shoulders. “Okay. Let’s do a good job out there tonight. No mistakes. The choreography on this is a little different from what we’re used to, so everyone needs to be in the exact right place at the exact right time.”

Of course it’s different. We’re missing a fifth body.

“How about you, Touya? How are you feeling?” Yamazaki asked, fiddling with the zipper on one of his many pant pockets.

Touya exhaled softly, and for the first time all night, he raised the corners of his lips in a small smile. “I’m okay. This feels right.”

It didn’t, though, Syaoran thought. Nothing felt right. But his bandmates were clearly so excited to be performing again, Yukito or no, and he wasn’t going to ruin that for them just because he didn’t feel ready.

“All right, guys, bring it in,” Touya said, holding out his hand. Eriol, Yamazaki, and Syaoran joined. “On three, CLOW. One, two, three--”

“CLOW!” the four of them chimed, and Syaoran followed Touya out of the dressing room and back toward the stage.

#ccs #boy band au #ccs fanfic

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jaehyunspeachparty · 4 years

Text

The confession

You and your sisters stayed in France for two weeks for your father's funeral and for organizing his legacies. Your smallest sister Mia couldn’t come because your mother had not allowed her to fly to France alone. You tried everything, but since she was a minor, your hands were tied. In the beginning, you all just cried. Everything was so depressing and you couldn't believe that your father had died. You were still sad, but you are now indulging in wonderful memories. On the last day, when you were all still in France together, you decide to do what your father liked most. You rent an apartment on the Côte d'Azur, sit on the terrace with a glass of white wine and smoke a joint. He always did this when he needed to rest and distance and so you wanted to honor him before you would all go back. Meanwhile, Audrey and Victoria talked while you stared at your phone. "Are you going to watch our new music video then?" You wrote with Jaehyun, who just had today a comeback with his group. Even if he had a lot to do, he always tried to keep in touch with you. "Yeah, I'm so excited," you write back and smile. "Okay, I'll call you then later." Your face went red and your pulse rose. "So now I want to know..." You hear Victoria's voice suddenly grow loud and you look up from your phone in surprise. "What?" You were like in another world and your sister brought you back to reality. "That's a guy you're writing to." Victoria pointed to your phone and raised her eyebrows. You hadn't told your sisters about Jaehyun. It just wasn’t the right time before. "Hmm ... yeah ..." You grin but hesitate. That thing with Jaehyun was just so fresh and new. "I was wondering why you always go away while you on the phone." Audrey giggled and took a sip of her wine. "So, tell me something about him." Victoria took a breath from the joint and leaned back. "His name is Jaehyun and I met him at work. It was all complicated at the beginning. From the start, there was a tension between us, but he had a girlfriend. Long story short: He couldn't break up because she was blackmailing him, he had a way found her to be rid of, but now the thing between us is been going on for a while." You take a big sip of your wine and look at your sisters. "And what does he look like?" Audrey leaned forward and looked at you curiously. "His group's music video will be there in a few minutes, so I can show you." "What? Is he famous?" Audrey's eyes suddenly grew wide and you knew she was curious. "Well, in Korea. He's in a K-pop group." You didn't know how much your sisters knew about it. But it didn't sound strange to Victoria. "My girlfriend really likes Kpop. I think she is a fan of Stray Kids and Red Velvet." Victoria smiled and tried to remember more. "Red Velvet is in the company I work with and wherever Jaehyun is. If you ever need a gift for her, give me a call." You smile and Victoria thought it was a perfect idea. "That means he's Korean?" Audrey kept asking and you knew she just wanted to know what he looked like. You nod and take the joint from Victoria. The next moment your phone vibrated again and Jaehyun sent the link to the music video. You blow the smoke out and set up your phone so that everyone could see the display. "The video just came online. I haven't seen it myself either." The video starts and you and your sisters watch the video. Audrey asked by each member if he was your new love, but you decide to tell them in the end. When you watched the music video, your heart started racing. You haven't seen Jaehyun in a long time and he looked so surreal in the video. When you see Jaehyun in the blazer with the deep V-neckline you get hot in secret places and you try to remember his touch. You never thought that you get horny from a video like this. You already miss Jaehyun the past few days and that made your craving for him worse. And when you see in the music video how Jaehyun went into the picture with his haunting look, you bite your lower lip and wonder how fast you can get to Korea. "Oh, I like the song." Audrey looked up with wide eyes and smiled. "And does you know now who Jaehyun is?" You wink and Audrey went through the video again. "He's your type. I know you like abs." She grinned and showed you Johnny. You smile and look at Victoria. She was relatively serious and when she picked up your phone she went through the video and stopped at the person where she thought it was him. You take it again and look at the display. "Wow yes. How did you know that?" Victoria had typed correctly and that surprised you. Or did she know you too well? "Girl, you always choose the same guy. He's Korean, but he's like Harvey in attitude." She looked at you seriously and she seems almost worried. "No, he's not like Harvey at all." You look at the video and watch Jaehyun again. He looked like the final boss in it, but he wasn't like that. "I don't know him, but the way he looks reminds me of Harvey." Victoria hated Harvey, the two of them couldn't get along. But you hope that she likes Jaehyun when she meets him. "Believe me, I was mistaken by that too. But that's just his stage personality, he has to play it. In reality, he is very loving, calm and gentle." You smile and Audrey was thrilled with it. "He looks good too. You must be a pretty couple." Audrey has always been more optimistic. You love Victoria, but Audrey was more of a friend. Victoria acted like she was the oldest sister and you hate it every time she does. But before you could say more, your phone vibrated again and you walked into the apartment because it was Jaehyun who appeared on the display. "And?" You hear his excited voice. "It's incredible. You look incredible. Are you real?" You hear a shallow laugh on the other line and you wish so much that you were with him at that moment. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. I really like the song." "Yes, I listened to the song and the video with my sisters and Audrey is very enthusiastic." "And Victoria?" "She is skeptical, but she always is. You shouldn't take that personally." You sit down on the bed and look out of the window. You see the sea and wish to be here with it. "When will you arrive tomorrow?" His gentle voice tore you out of your thoughts and you try to remember the time. "Around 1pm. Can we see each other or are you too busy?" You knew that it will be busy after the release of the new song. "Yes, but I have to see you. I miss you ..." Your heart almost stopped when you heard the last words. "I miss you too ... really much." The words were difficult for you, but Jaehyun had already seen you from your most vulnerable side anyway. "I'm still at a music show tomorrow, but I could come to you afterward." You had to smile, but you also didn't want him to overwork. "Shouldn't I come to you? You have to be completely exhausted." You knew he had to go the next day. "No, it's not a problem. I just want to be alone with you." His words were so beneficial and you just wanted him more with you. "I'm looking forward to." "I can’t wait..."

When you were in Seoul again, it was strange to be back in your little apartment. It was as if everyone had changed, but somehow not. Sometimes it was strange that Seoul was such a fast-paced city. You could never get used to that, even if you had already lived in New York. But Seoul was still different.

When you were at home, you tried to distract yourself from your thoughts, not to think of your father and sisters, because otherwise, you would only cry more. But you still felt alone and the white walls suddenly looked so cold. You are thinking about hanging up a few pictures, maybe it would look more familiar. But since you often sleep by Jaehyun, you have been seldom here anyway. And you liked being with him, in his room, because you felt comfortable when everything smelled of him. When the bell rang in the late afternoon, you could hardly wait for the few seconds that Jaehyun was finally there. You had missed him so incredibly the past two weeks. It was a long time ago that you missed someone like that. And when the door opened and you looked into his soft face, you could only hear your increased pulse in your ears. "Hey." He took you in his arms after the door was closed and put his forehead on yours. His dark eyes looked deep into yours and when he smiled his dimples appeared. "Dimple boy." You giggled and poked his cheeks. "You are so childish sometimes." He laughed and pushed you against the wall. "Do you mind?" You wink and as you ask him the question, you feel his lips against your neck. He sucked on your shoulder and his hands moved across the sides of your torso. "No, it's a reason why I love you." At that moment his eyes widened and he realized what he had just said. He stopped caressing your body and stared at you in shock. "I'm sorry. Is it too early? I ... I ..." He started to stutter and you could see his insecurity. But you were kind of glad that he said this because it was easier for you to express your feelings. You take his face in your hand and kiss him for a moment. When you let go of him, you smile with joy. "I love you too." And when you said the words, you could see the relief on his face. "I'm sorry, it should be more romantic." He bowed his head and looked more disappointed with himself. "No, it's perfect. Come..." You take him by the hand and pull him into bed with you. And that evening it was finally said. It was finally official. Jaehyun and you were a couple and you felt that this was forever.

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#jaehyun #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun soft hours #nct #nct 127 #nct soft hours #nct imagines #nct 127 imagines #nct fluff #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 scenarios #nct scenarios

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marshmallow-phd · 5 years

Text

Friends Don’t

Genre: Friends to lovers, Fluff, angst if you squint?

Pairing: Bambam x Noona!reader

Summary: What do you do when your best friend suddenly stops talking to you?

A/N: This is the most self-indulgent fic I’ve ever written. I think it’s almost painfully obvious. @smut-wars here it is. Also, forewarning, I needed a female friend so... you’re now in this for a hot second. Enjoy!

It was days like today that you wondered why you were even friends with these losers.

When they’d invited you to come sit in their practice for their upcoming awards show performance, you thought you’d be, you know, actually watching them run through their planned stage.

Oh, no.

What you were witnessing was pure chaos – naturally started by Bambam and Yugyeom, but enhanced by the older members who were supposed to keep them in line. Even Jaebum was participating in the screaming and running around rather than acting like the leader he was supposed to be. You, on the other hand, sat quietly on the couch, arms and legs folded, watching the insanity unfolding in front of you. That is, until your phone chimed. A large grin spread across your face when you read the message.

“Ooo, is it noona’s boyfriend?” Yugyeom teased when he caught you smiling.

Bambam stopped mid-flail, frowning as he turned to you. “(y/n) doesn’t have a boyfriend.”

You said nothing as you tried to fight back the expression that would surely give you away. No, technically, you didn’t have a boyfriend, but you were talking to someone. A very handsome and sweet someone. And it was getting closer to the labeling stage. You hadn’t really told anyone about this newfound love interest and the only reason Yugyeom knew was because he was snoop who had stolen your phone when you weren’t looking. While he couldn’t unlock it, he could still read part of the new messages that were coming in.

It wasn’t like you meant to keep it a secret from your friends. Things were just… complicated. He was an up and coming actor currently starring in the drama that you were a staff writer on. That was something you always had to keep in mind with this… well, not truly a relationship, but the beginning of something. The fans and press could be unforgiving when it came to “dating scandals”. Those two words together made you want to scoff, but you held back. It wasn’t your place to criticize it. Not really, anyway.

Jackson plopped down on the couch next to you, that signature mischievous smirk on his face as he leaned in close. “So. Who is he?”

Placing a finger on his forehead and making him give you your personal space back, you answered, “None of your business.” When you looked at the time displayed by your watch, you sighed. “I’ve got to go. I’ll see you guys when you get back from Hong Kong.”

“I’ll walk you to the lobby,” Bambam volunteered.

“No, that’s o-” But before you could finish your protest, he was already exiting the practice room. Jinyoung whispered something to Mark, making the latter give off a Goofy-level laugh. Curious, but in a hurry, you ignored it and followed Bambam out into the hallway.

The walk to the elevator was unusually quiet for the two of you. While Jinyoung had been the first one of the group that you befriended, over time, Bambam became one of your best friends, not just out of the group, but everyone. He was always there to make you laugh or listen when you needed an ear due to the stress of your job. You thought of him as the little brother you’d always wanted.

“So, you’re really seeing someone?” he asked once the two of you were really alone in the elevator.

You shrugged. “We’re talking. That’s about it. But, uh,” the tell-tale smile crept up on your lips again. You couldn’t even finish your sentence. It was like experiencing your first crush in high school all over again.

A heavy sigh came from Bambam. It didn’t take an expert to realize that something was wrong.

“Are you okay?” you asked, reaching out and giving his hand a comforting squeeze.

Pulling his hand out from yours, he ran his fingers through his jet black hair. You were glad he was sporting his more natural color again. Even though he could pull off all colors of the rainbow, the darker color just seemed more… him.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he mumbled.

“If you’re worried about the performance, don’t be. You’ll do great. You always do.” For emphasis, you poked his side where the exposed tattoo peeking through the side his sleeveless shirt. That garnered a small chuckle out of him before the doors opened out into the lobby. “I’ll see you when you get back, okay?”

Bambam nodded. “Sure.” Just as you stepped off the elevator, he called out for you.

“Yeah?”

He shook his head. “It’s nothing. Drive safe.”

“Bam-” The elevator doors closed and you sighed. Something was definitely bothering him, but you didn’t want to push. Besides, if you didn’t hurry, you were going to be late for your meeting.

You were dead asleep when your phone began to scream Bambam’s “Party” song out of nowhere. The jerk had set it as your ringtone for him as soon as it was released and you’ve never bothered to change it. Each time it went off when you were awake it made you jump, so suddenly hearing it at two in the morning practically shoved you out of bed.

You rubbed your sore knees that had hit the hardwood floor as you answered the phone, yawning, “Hello?”

“Hey, (y/n).”

“Hey, Bambam,” you greeted groggily. Too tire to actually get back up on your bed, you sat on the floor, your eyelids fluttering from exhaustion. “What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing really,” he replied drolly. “We just got back from rehearsals for the show and thought I’d just say hi.”

You laughed. “In the middle of the night?”

“Oh, yeah,” he chuckled along with you. “I forget that you actually get sleep.”

“That’s not funny.” He joked about his busy schedule all the time, but sometimes it was just too much and there more times than you could count that he’d come over to hang out or watch a movie and ended up falling asleep on your couch before the popcorn was even finished in the microwave. At least he was cute when he was asleep.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Okay. Now you knew something was really wrong. He wasn’t teasing you or throwing slightly flirty comments your way. “Bam, what’s going on? You called me for a reason. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Nothing’s wrong. Hey, I’ve got to go. The guys are calling for me.” Click.

You stared at your phone, utterly confused. He was lying. And you knew that not only by the tone of his voice, but for the fact that if the guys were really trying to get his attention, you would have been able to hear them in the background. Inside voices were not on their volume level.

You thought about calling him back, seeing if he’d answer and actually talk to you this time, but you thought better of it. When you saw him again, then you’d make him give you a straight answer.

“You are going to get us in trouble!” you hissed as Sangwoo pulled you into a deserted waiting room. He was guest MCing for one of the music shows today and you’d stopped by to visit during a short break.

“I missed you,” he whispered as he beamed at you. It was the kind of smile that made you soft.

You rolled your eyes, trying to hide the giddiness you were feeling at this new love. “You saw me yesterday.”

“Too long.” He bent down and kissed you briefly. But your joy only lasted a split second before you spotted someone looking in through the small door window.

“Crap.” Slipping out of Sangwoo’s embrace, you ran for the door, throwing it open to try and catch up to whoever just witnessed your little display of affection. You stopped when you recognized the back of the person walking slowly away. “Bambam?”

He barely glanced at you over his shoulder, an unreadable expression on his face that had you taken aback, before he rounded the corner and disappeared. You went back into the classroom, your concern shifting from yourself to your friend. The giddiness from just a few seconds ago was gone, replaced by something heavier and gloomy.

“Are we busted?” Sangwoon asked.

You shook your head. “No. It was Bambam. He’s one of my closest friends. He won’t tell anyone.”

He let out a sigh of relief. “Good. I don’t know how we would have covered that up.”

That statement rubbed you the wrong way. Sure, the two of you had agreed to keep this relationship secret, but that didn’t mean you had to be happy about it. Outright lying felt wrong on too many levels.

Your mood now ruined, you fibbed, “I’ve got to go. We’ve got a brainstorming meeting. But I’ll call you later, okay?” You gave Sangwoo a quick kiss on the cheek and left, your phone already in your hand, hoping that he would answer.

Interns and staff members alike were scrambling out of the way as you stormed down the hallways of JYP Entertainment. To say that you were pissed off was an understatement.

For the past two weeks, Bambam had ignored every attempt you made to contact him. Your calls always went to voicemail, your texts were ignored. Hell, you even went to his apartment a few times, but no one ever answered the door. Going the back way through Yugyeom had been useless as well, as he basically blew you off and gave you no logical reason as to why you were being frozen out. What had you done that was so bad?

Last night had been the final straw when you found yourself crying until you finally fell asleep, agonizing over the whole situation. You felt like you’d lost a piece of you. Not even Sangwoo could make it better. He just kept saying that – as a kpop idol – Bambam was probably just busy and didn’t need any distractions at the moment.

Distractions? Since when were you a distraction? In all your time that you’d been friends with the group, you’d never been pushed aside like this, not even when they were double booked in preparing for both a comeback and a world tour. Bambam still always made time for you.

Finally finding the right practice room, you threw the door open, making the occupying members jump. Only four were currently present, stretching out their muscles for another long day of dance practice.

“Where is he?” you demanded.

“Where’s who?” Thankfully Jinyoung hit the back of Jackson’s head for you. You were so not in the mood for his sarcastic remarks.

“Practice is closed today.”

You turned around to find Bambam and Yugyeom standing in the doorway. Crossing your arms, you gave both of them the death glare. While the maknae hightailed it to the safety of his hyungs behind you, Bambam stayed where he was, unaffected.

“Well?” you scoffed.

“Well, what?” he shot back.

Oh, you were so going to kill him. “Are you going to explain yourself?”

“Don’t think I need to.”

“Bambam!” Jackson scolded. Now he was on your side.

Temper flaring, you grabbed Bambam’s wrist, dragged him out of the practice room and into the storage closet at the end of the hallway. You flipped on the light and locked the door, trapping him inside with you.

“Do you realize what you’ve put me through these last couple of weeks!” you exclaimed, trying – and probably failing – to keep your volume down in order to not draw a crowd that would love to eavesdrop on any sort of drama within their vicinity.

“Sorry,” he shrugged, clearly not concerned. “I didn’t think you’d care so much considering you have a new boytoy and all.”

“Boytoy?” What the hell? “You mean Sangwoo? What does he have to do with any of this? Is that why you’ve been ignoring me? If you think that I would just drop you because I have a boyfriend now, then you’re wrong! I’ve been trying to keep things the same between us, but you’re the one who’s been blowing me off!”

He shook his head, jaw strutted out like when he mocked Jaebum. You’d never seen him do that to actually convey his own feelings before. “Whatever.” He tried to get passed you, reaching for the door handle, but you shoved his arm away.

“No, not whatever!” You held back a sniff, scared that you were going to have a repeat of last night, just with an audience this time. “Bambam, talk to me. What is going on? Why do you hate me all of a sudden?”

“I don’t hate you!” he snapped. Once again, he tried to get past you, but you wouldn’t budge. He groaned, taking a step back. “Fine! Do you really want to know?”

“Yes!”

You did not anticipate what he did next.

What you had been expecting was him saying something along the lines of not liking the fact that you kept Sangwoo a secret from him. Or maybe he was upset about you not going to see them first at the music show where they were doing a special stage. Really, you’d just expected him to say something. But Bambam didn’t use words to let you know what had been bothering him lately.

Instead, he cradle either side of your neck, thumbs resting on your jaw as he brought his lips down to meet yours. You felt like the female lead in an old drama, just standing there wide eyed and in shock. But… it didn’t… feel wrong, kissing Bambam. Or… being kissed by Bambam, that is. It was soft and delicate, fearful even, of the consequences of this kiss might be.

Just as your own eyes were beginning to close, however, he pulled away, unlocking the door and stalking out of the closet without a single word of explanation. But you didn’t really need any sort of explanation beyond what just occurred. You’d heard him loud and clear.

Several minutes went by before you could leave the storage closet as well, still too stunned to function properly. You bypassed the practice room where music was blaring loudly. Thankfully the door was closed so you weren’t even tempted to look inside. You needed to get out of the building and you really needed a drink.

Bee did an actual spit take went you told her what happened. “He did not!”

Frowning, you cleaned her mess up from the conference room table using the napkin the barista had given you for your own coffee that morning.

It’d been several days since… the incident and neither of you had contacted the other. You didn’t know what to say to him. You didn’t even know what to think. So, of course, you turned to your work wife for a little advice.

“Yeah,” you sighed. “He really did. And I have no idea what to do.”

Bee snorted. “Isn’t it obvious? Dump the actor and date Bambam.”

Your jaw dropped. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” She took another sip of her coffee, giving you a very pointed look over the rim of her cup.

“He’s my friend,” you argued. “Just my friend. I’ve always thought of him like my little brother. And you know me, I like older guys, not younger. That is a no-go area for me. I can’t- I mean- it’s Bambam.”

“Puh-lease.” Leaning back in her chair, Bee rolled her eyes. “The two of you were never just friends. ‘Friends’,” she even used air quotes to emphasis her thoughts on that seven letter word, “don’t call each other in the middle of the night for no reason. ‘Friends’ don’t cancel plans they’ve had for weeks to make hang out with each other.”

“Okay, you can’t blame me for that. He’s hardly free anymore to hangout. I have to take my time when I can.”

The expression on Bee’s face just told you that you were simply fueling her argument rather than putting it out. Shifting so she was now resting her elbows against the table, she went on, “You seriously need to stop fighting this. I’ve watched the two of you have entire conversations just by looking at each other. Are you really going to sit there and tell me you didn’t feel something when he kissed you? Something that you’ve written about a hundred times but never felt before, not even with Sangwoo?”

You sat there with pursed lips, tapping your fingers against the table. It annoyed you, how right she was. Sure, when you were with Sangwoo you felt a little giddy, but how much of that was due to him being this cute actor paying attention to you versus you having genuine feelings for him?

Being with Bambam was effortless, like breathing. Since your first meeting, the two of you were in sync, always able to tell what the other was thinking. The same things made you laugh and you could sit in silence with him for hours doing nothing and not be bored or uncomfortable. You’d always put him in this box, slapped the label of “family” on him, but what if it wasn’t because that was just how you saw him? What if – subconsciously - you did it because it kept you safe? You couldn’t get hurt if you were the one who kept him at arm’s length.

Sighing, you picked your phone and sent a text to Sangwoo that asked him to meet you in your usual spot away from prying eyes.

“Make up your mind?” Bee asked, knowing full well what the answer would be.

“Yeah,” you murmured. “I’ve got to go see Sangwoo first.”

Smirking, she took another sip of her drink. “At least you’re doing it in person.”

Why was this so hard? You’d entered this place a million times before. Why did it sudden feel so foreboding?

You’d gone to the JYP building first, thinking you could talk to Bambam and get it over with. But it took you nearly forty-five minutes just to find someone from his group that might know where he was at.

Youngjae was in one of smaller practice rooms that was more for vocal training, alone. Really, you’d heard his voice before seeing him. With his back to you, his fingers danced across the keys of the piano, stopping only for a few seconds so he could right down whatever melody he was putting together. He noticed you in the mirror after a minute or two. “Hey, (y/n).”

“Hey,” you waved back shyly.

Knowing exactly what you were wanting, he didn’t miss a beat. “He’s not here.”

You blinked, your brain apparently deciding to process sentences at a slower speed then normal. “What?”

Youngjae chuckled at you. “Bambam. He didn’t have any schedules, so he stayed home. It didn’t sound like he planned on leaving for anything, so you should probably head over there.”

“Thank you,” you nodded.

“Of course, noona.”

You sighed, leaving him alone to work on his new song while you hurried back to your car.

Now you were standing outside Bambam’s apartment building, wondering if this was really the right decision. What if it was too late? What if you waited too long to try and figure this situation out and now your friendship with Bambam had disintegrated into pieces that were no longer salvageable?

Kicking yourself in the butt, you took that first step into the lobby. It didn’t get any easier the closer you got to the elevator, but you kept going and that was all that mattered. You reached his floor and came to a stop to the door that had once been so friendly and inviting. Would he even answer when you knocked?

Oh, well. Here goes nothing.

You knocked only three times and then waited. Your heart began to race when you heard shuffling coming from the other side. It grew louder until coming to a stop just inside the door. For a moment nothing happened. You began to think you would have to wait out here all night when the lock finally clicked. Holding your breath, you tried to keep composed while Bambam slowly came into view.

“Hi,” you said softly.

“Hey,” he whispered back.

The awkwardness hanging in the air was killing you. “Can I come in?”

He nodded, opening the door wider and stepping aside so you could enter. Cupcake immediately came up and rubbed her head against your leg, purring. You reached down and gave her a couple scratches behind her ears before straightening up to face Bambam. That earned you a few swipes from her paw, but your focus was needed elsewhere.

The one you really came to see was now leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest as he stared at you. “What are you doing here?”

“To talk.” Obviously. You cleared your throat. “About what happened the other day.”

“You didn’t need to reject me to my face. Your silence the last couple of days was enough. Or text if you wanted to make it clearer.” Pushing off the wall, he started to walk passed you, but you reached out and grabbed his hand to stop him. You let the fingers of your other hand wrap around his upper arm, like you had when you’d gotten scared in the haunted house last year. You wanted to smile at the memory, but you needed to remain serious right now.

“I’m sorry that I took so long to figure it out.” Your voice came out so small you were straining to hear yourself. But you worried that if you spoke any louder, the trembling fear you were holding back would be more apparent. “I was just… confused. Because I’d always forced myself away from thinking of you in that way. But that didn’t stop me from… feeling this way about you. More than I ever have about anybody. So, if you can forgive me for being an idiot, I’d like to see what we can be.”

Bambam finally made real eye contact with you. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “What about Sangwoo?”

“I broke with him. I couldn’t be with him after- oof!”

Bambam apparently only needed to hear that you were single again. He all but tackled you into a hug, pulling you so tightly into his chest that breathing was becoming a tad bit difficult.

You patted his back. “Um, Bambam? My lungs need a little more room to expand.”

“Oh, sorry.” He let go just enough to take a single step back. He leaned his forehead against yours, sighing in content. “I’ve missed you. More than anything.”

“Well, I’m not going anywhere,” you promised.

“Good.” He stole a kiss – one that you were able to reciprocate this time. He smiled at you and then tugged you over to the couch. “Come on. I’ll order your favorite pizza and we can watch whatever you want. I’m getting as much time in with you as I can before we leave tomorrow.”

Your mood sank as he pulled you down onto the couch next to him, his arms still around your waist. “You’re leaving tomorrow?”

He nodded solemnly. “Yeah. Fan meeting in Thailand. But we’ll be back in a few days.”

“At least you’re going home,” you pointed out, more to make yourself feel better than anything.

“I don’t know,” he smiled crookedly. “Home kind of feels like right here now.”

You slapped his chest playfully before leaning in so his chin was resting on the top of your head. Cupcake jumped up onto your lap, feeling the need to join in on the love fest.

While Bambam called the usual pizza place for delivery, you stared at him, mesmerized by what you hadn’t seen before. Your world had shifted back into place after being thrown so wildly off course. It felt like the universe was balanced once more. Everything had changed and yet nothing had. Bambam could still be your best friend, but he could be more, too. And that was all you needed. Everyone loved the dramas where the leads start out as enemies, but you believed the purest love stories come the ones who started off as friends.

(second moodboard made by @smut-wars)

#bambam #bambam x reader #got7 #mark tuan #jackson wang #im jaebum #park jinyoung #choi youngjae #kim yugyeom #got7 fanfic #kpop #fluff #friends to lovers

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raleigh-ocean · 5 years

Text

just (for) one day

summary: Audrey thought that maybe, inside that dream life she was living thanks to a twist, she could forget what was and dive in what could have been. Just for one day, for an hour, for a few minutes, or as long as she was dancing with her.

N/A: this is really self-indulgent and at the same time I wanted to do something both heartwarming and maybe bittersweet? @shineestark and I talked a lot about Audrey and The Feelings (tm) and I had to do it (for us). I hope you really enjoy it! Also I know you like some kpop so title works (eyes emoji).

Here I leave the originals archive > here < so you can read more about Dahlia, to those who are confused! And the gif above is from here by @ahsgifs

The day arrived making her feel like it took forever to even get there.

She was strained by everything going on, from the wedding preparations to shooting plans; from her insecurities to how she dealt with them. Audrey always knew how to redirect the ‘bad energy’ into something fruitful, but she had too much of that as of lately. Looking at her reflection in the mirror, she still could spot all the little imperfections under the make-up and her on-spot appearance.

But she had to put that all aside today, shielding herself from all the thoughts that were hunting her down everyday.

That was what she wanted, right?

It took her a few minutes to realize she was moving towards somewhere. Her nerves were playing tricks on her again, but not like this time. Everything around her was green, dazzling, flowery and white like her dress; it made her feel confused for a couple seconds until she got to stop at the point she was walking towards to. Audrey looked around trying to calm her nerves, trying to find a familiar face or even a comforting one.

Audrey found it eventually, in the third and last row of chairs. It was only a gesture, a reassuring nod and a timid smile, but it meant the world to her.

The true weight of the situation crashed on her and Rory was already mid-way to meet her in the improvised altar. Only then she felt happiness breaking through her uneasiness and worries and then her head made a mad fast-forward that made her feel out of breath, her now husband holding her close to his chest and kissing her.

She was married now. Married. Not long ago she was single, not long ago she was swimming in this opportunity called ‘dating someone’, not long ago she got drunk enough to just step over it and then, there she was.

A bit unrealistic at times, but she was there and she kind of liked it. Audrey loved that Rory loved her that much, Audrey loved that she loved him back enough to say ‘yes’ when he asked her the big question.

Was she going to be happy? God knows, but she went for it, at full throttle indeed. Was she going to make Rory happy? Bloody hell, she didn’t even know as much as she wanted to be what he needed. What about their jobs? What about sharing their time? What about-

Her head spinning about every possibility only stopped when someone put a hand on her shoulder right after they had their groom and bride first dance. A cold comforting hand that put her down on Earth.

“Hey good-looking,” shy warm voice, easing her thoughts; little smile, telling her everything was okay somehow. “What do a girl have to do to get a dance with her best friend?”

“Just swoop her from the groom’s arms,” and then Audrey had her arms around Dahlia and everything seemed forty times better.

Dahlia with the soothing presence. Dahlia with the soft eyes and holding her like they are the only ones there. That tiny bit of her friend made her special day actually special, like a wake up call.

“A terribly bold move for someone like me,” Audrey felt a strange pull in her guts, a good one for a change, when they started to swing to the rhythm of the current song. “But you did smiled, so worth it feeling like a badass.”

Audrey laughed openly at that, words not matching the tenderness in the other woman. She always was like that, trying to make her feel better even when she was going through hell. Oh for fuck’s sake, she even put on a dress for her wedding and Audrey knew how insecure that made the other woman feel.

“My cheeks hurt from smiling, what are you talking about?” she hit Dahlia's arm slightly, playful smirk already spreading in her lips. “Are you having fun? Did you eat well?”

Common wedding questions that covered whatever Dahlia was going to say. Audrey felt bad doing that, but she didn't want her to elaborate in how she couldn't feel the smile in her eyes. They engaged in some more of those questions before going over totally unrelated stuff and even talk about the other guests.

Audrey was being so selfish since the moment she invited Dahlia, but she wanted to have the only one person aside of Rory that made her feel loved by her side.

Sometimes her mind wandered around the ‘what if’s in moments like this. Swinging in Dahlia's arms, hugging her, eyes closed and head hiding in the crook of her neck. Audrey felt transported to a couple months ago, guilt tickling her stomach as a faint feeling.

What if she had chosen to not keep their affair a two-woman secret, coming clean with everything? Would the woman in front of her be the one being congratulated instead of the man in the blue suit? Or maybe would they wait to be more time together before deciding to tie the knot?

Rory made her want to keep going with her career as an actress, as much as the sudden fame had strained her dream; but when she looked at the sheer happiness in Dahlia's brown eyes, all of it just by being around Audrey, she felt herself missing her days at the theater, imagining those same eyes watching her act from the front row with that same raw emotion.

Coming home and finding someone watching some sappy show on TV instead of an empty house and a message; not feeling jealous half the time, maybe? insecurities eased by gentle hands massaging her shoulders instead of too many kisses.

“Is it impolite to keep the bride for another song?” Audrey didn't open her eyes, still in her little daydreaming state, and just shook her head while chuckling. Why was she always so respectful? Bloody hell, it was her wedding and if her friend wanted another dance then she will have it. “Thank you for inviting me, miss Monahan.”

“Oh no, no, I'm keeping the Tindall, don't call me that,” another good laugh from both and Audrey felt better when Dahlia tighten their hug a bit. “Don't thank me, how could I leave you out?”

Now she knew she was being selfish by holding onto her friend better and leaving a little kiss in her neck before going back to hiding in the crook of Dahlia's neck. All the daydreaming was her doing this, her doing that, her, her, her.

Audrey knew Dahlia deserved better than someone like her or like Shelby.

As much as she didn't like it, both were the same in too many aspects…the only thing they differed was that at least Audrey knew what was wrong with herself. Thinking about the offer both Rory and her had, maybe she could use that opportunity to knock some sense in that airhead...and that also would be the most selfish thing, because if she took the chance like Shelby did she wasn't being any different from her.

Being completely honest, even daydreaming about how could it be was unfair for the other woman.

“I don't know Audrey,” Dahlia shrugged a bit and kissed her head absent-minded. “It happens all the time.”

Audrey thought that maybe, inside that dream life she was living thanks to a twist, she could forget what was and dive in what could have been. Just for one day, for an hour, for a few minutes, or as long as she was dancing with her.

But the truth was that the choice they made was the right one all along. The right one for her and the best one for her too.

Stopping from being that self-centered was a hard task, indeed, but at least she was trying to get there, okay?

Rory was smiling at her from across the dancefloor when she opened her eyes, and he looked so obliviously happy without knowing the vast deepness of her thoughts. Just like any other groom would look at his bride, being happy the day of their wedding thanks to their friends and each other presence.

Then he walked towards them, until Audrey felt the nervous tremble in her friend's hands when the younger man asked ever so gently for permission to get the bride back. Rory held her differently, but she still liked it, welcoming another big kiss with that feeling of being wanted growing bigger than anything else.

“The cake's been calling me for a while now,” Dahlia laughed and Audrey smiled at her never-ending hunger for sweets. “Enjoy your time, lovebirds. I'm really happy for you.”

Audrey caressed Rory's nape with the tips of her fingers, both mesmerized in how the other woman seemed to get lost in the new melody, walking away and probably thinking about how many slices of cake she was going to eat.

When she stopped and turned around unexpectedly, Audrey felt the urge of returning to her arms but feeling Rory's laugh made her stay where she was.

The right thing to do was staying by Rory's side, learning to both love him and love herself.

The best thing to do was helping Dahlia to get over Shelby by acting like her best friend.

“You better treat her well, Monahan,” the woman smiled a bit more confident, almost looking mischievous. “I’m not given to violence, but I know how to hold my ground when someone I love is hurt.”

They both exchanged a little salute of some sort and then she was gone, leaving Audrey with her handsome husband.

“She looks better now,” Rory was smiling sadly for a second and then proudly the next. “I think coming did her some good, I’m glad she accepted the invitation in the end.”

Why he was such a sweetheart? Audrey kissed him again and then took his hand, intertwining their fingers.

“So am I, my darling,” sometimes her voice dropped to that soft tone, marking she still was a bit deep in thought, before changing to one happier when a new song started to play. “Oh, I love this one, come on!”

She was still wasn’t sure how she would handle being in Shelby’s presence, but for that one day Audrey decided to not think about her and spend the rest of her special day with those she cared the most.

#audrey tindall imagines #audrey tindall #audrey tindal x original character #original character #dahlia deen #ahs roanoke #american horror story #ahs imagine #ahs imagines

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