#again. wrote this at 3am

[razzmothazz]

okay, but what fob songs and lines for what characters, I want to know also, for autism reasons lmao.

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED BUT ALSO I DONT WANNA GO TOO DEEP CAUSE I COULD TALK ABT IT FOR HOURS AAAA

i could take reqs for certains songs cause i have thoughts on nearly all of them, but im gonna ramble rn about how i feel so much (for) stardust [album, not the song specifically] is so vbs to me actually...

starting off strong with love from the other side

THIS IS SO AN TO ME !!! especially after her learning about how everyone hid the passing of someone SO important to her away for three god damn years.

this part is kinda self explanatory i feel? especially "what would you trade the pain for", refering to the pain of losing her role model of sorts of course. someone she looked up to so much and held in such high regard and she didnt even know theyve been gone.. she makes me SOB

this part refering to her feeling like the whole "city" [vivid street] pretty much lied to her and deceived her, everything feels wrong and off now. its not the same home it was before.

the feeling in this case would obviously be grief, anger and so many others tbh, she lets the feelings out and uses music as an outlet of sorts for it ?? not sure how to explain what i mean [im writing this at 3am sorry] the feelings are so overwhelming i dont think she could fight them if she wanted to, but why would you want to fight such justified feelings ?? i feel SO bad for her omg

this part works for all of vbs, but i feel like it especially applies to akito and an, obviously referencing surpassing rad weekend and how difficult it is considering their constant feeling of inferiority, with akitos being a pretty extreme case of it.

also just feels to me like something akito would actually say/sing

also haha funny hampster refering to kohane /j

i dont have words that can describe this line other than just imagine an singing it with the context of what i said before. that is all.

OFF TO HEARTBREAK FEELS SO GOOD

this is just very vbs to me, its easy to apply their stories and themes to these verses. they will surpass radweekend someday. they can do it, and they can do it together and go even further after, hopefully.

the pre-chorus reminded me of akitos situation with older musicians, how they mocked him etc. which at first obviously made him feel horrible, but he learned from that and now he alone is even better than some of them, and with all of vbs at his side hes even better.

dont have as much for this one, so moving on to

HOLD ME LIKE A GRUDGE

one word. AKITOYA.

cmon now. you see the vision.

this is SO akito talking to toya, how he motivates him to do better and better and helps him up any time he feels down.

they are soulmates, no matter how you look at it!! but theres also akito being a bit of a menace as well as often feeling like hes dragging toya down, yet despite that he wants to stay with him. akito doesnt want to do this without toya, and the feeling is obviously mutual [im actually so insane about them. they are SO important to me not even as a romantic couple just 2 guys meant to be together as partners UEUEUUEUEUEUEEE]

after all the hardships theyre still going strong, some dreams were crushed along the way but their main goal is always there.

the pressure bit makes me think about how each of them feels somewhat inferior to the others, [they need therapy istg] which makes them want to constantly keep pushing themselves to do better and better, and to keep going and going. they have what it takes, they just need to work to perfect it. they know they will do it but they still have a lot to figure out, obviously. they get a bit lost and stuck at times trying to get to their desired level but they will surpass rad weekend. someday.

OKAY IM GONNA STOP HERE BUT I COULD GO ON AND ON AAAAAAAAA I LOVE ASSOCIATING MUSIC I LOVE WITH CHARACTERS I LOVE!!!!!!

< 3333333333

#random #sorry this is long #im a little insane #again. wrote this at 3am #also yadda yadda my own interpretation you dont have to agree etc. etc.

[gamblingcaffeineaddict]

A/N: ayyyy I’m back with part two of my previous fic i spend all my days trying to forget her face. Dialogue might get confusing, sorry 😭😭

she’s so hard to erase, i don’t think she can be replaced

warning for angst and a bittersweet ending. you die at the end. please read part 1 for context!

The moon bathed the alchemy commission in its silver light as the doctor sat alone on its worn down docks. Waves gently crashed onto the pillars supporting the harbor below. How did I even get here? They thought.

Their feet took them to the deserted commission after a heart wrenching encounter with a ghost of their past. Specifically speaking, a woman resembling someone long gone.

Jingliu… The doctor looked up into the starry sky to the full moon hanging above. Even centuries later, they felt a pang in their chest. I can’t help but think of you every time I gaze at a full moon like this.

The strange woman from earlier… even if it was Jingliu, she didn’t seem to recognize them. She spoke no words and her facial expression didn’t change. In fact, there was no sign of familiarity at all. She didn’t even chase after [Name] as they walked away hurriedly with tears threatening to fall from their eyes.

The doctor regrets that they never actually became close with Jingliu. At the time, keeping their distance seemed right and logical, but now the pain of loss has subsided. All that’s left is wistful regret and longing. If they had been closer, would Jingliu have remembered them? [Name] didn’t realize they were crying again until they felt warm tears slide down their cheeks.

A snap of a twig cuts the silence, causing [Name]’s head to whip around at the sudden sound. A Mara-struck soldier has creeped up behind them. Their blade was held above their head to make a fatal blow. Before the doctor could react, they heard the all too familiar whistling of a blade, and the monster was cut in two. The monster crumbled to dust, revealing a blindfolded woman with her sword in hand.

Speechless, [Name] sat there with their eyes wide and lips slightly agape. Of all the people to save them, it had to be her.

“…Jingliu.” They spoke softly. There was no denying it now, it had to be her. Why else would she be here saving them right now? Hope flared in [Name]’s chest that Jingliu could remember them, even if it was just the slightest bit. But their hopes were quickly crushed the moment she spoke.

“So you know who I am,” Jingliu responded in a monotone voice. She still gripped tightly onto her sword, a sign that she was still on her guard.

I guess that was to be expected. The doctor smiled sadly. After all, I am but a mere stranger to her.

“You could say that.” [Name] was half expecting Jingliu to hold her sword against their throat and demand answers, but instead she sheathes her sword and simply sits beside them on the dock a few inches away.

“It’s been centuries since I last set foot openly on the Luofu,” Jingliu says. “Most people do not remember me, or do not dare utter my name. You say it as if you knew me personally. You don’t shy away from the taboo surrounding me.”

The doctor lets out a dry laugh and looks into the distance. “Of course not. I did know you personally for a good few hundred years. Although we weren’t close, I know you aren’t as bad as people label you to be.”

Jingliu remains silent. [Name] feels her eyes linger on their melancholic expression through the black fabric over her gaze.

“When I bumped into you earlier, I felt a strange sadness tug at my heart.”

[Name] suddenly turns towards her. Sadness? So something might be left after all…

“Is there anything else you feel?” The doctor poked.

“…” Jingliu pauses briefly. “There is… regret, though I am not sure why.”

Regret? But what did she have to regret with me? It piqued the doctor’s interest even more. “Can you remember more? Anything at all? You shouldn’t have anything to regret with me.”

Now it’s Jingliu’s turn to let out a dry laugh. “How can you be so sure? You said so yourself that we weren’t close. How do you know I wasn’t hiding something from you?”

As she said those words, a memory flashed in her mind, hitting her like lightning.

The memory was overall blurry, but Jingliu knew where she was. She was transported to a warm day near the training grounds of the Cloud Knights. The sky is blue and cloudless, with the ocsssional starskiff sailing through the sky. The sun is warm and the breeze is gentle on her skin. She could immediately tell that this memory took place during a simpler time in her life.

Jingliu was resting under a tree, leisurely chatting away with someone beside her. Instinctively, she knew their name. [Name].

[Name] was happily chatting about something that happened earlier that day. Their smile was captivating to Jingliu. It warmed her heart and felt more radiant than the sun hanging high in the sky. Their laughter was melodic and made her chest flutter.

She felt at ease with [Name]. There was no “Sword Champion,” no “Master,” no “Transcendent Flash,” but simply “Jingliu.” With [Name], Jingliu could relax from her duties and breathe easy for a while; It felt different than when she was with the High Cloud Quintet.

A thought came to her on that warm day. It flashed in her mind for a mere second, but it made her realize something. Jingliu simply thought, “I wonder what it would be like to see their smile everyday for the rest of my life.” Then it clicked.

Am I…in love with [Name]?

The realization filled her with excitement. Her heart felt like it would burst with butterflies. But that also filled her with a dreadful uneasiness.

For once, her goals and desires clashed with each other. To grow stronger to rival the heavens, or to stay for her love on the Xianzhou? Her heart argued one side, and her rationality took the other.

Ultimately, Jingliu decided that this crush of hers cannot get in the way of her goal. She made up her mind to cast her silly feelings aside, but that didn’t stop her from longing for their affections every single day until she became mara-struck. Then… she forgot everything about [Name].

Ah.

No wonder she regrets.

Jingliu regrets even more now. She regrets forgetting [Name] entirely.

Jingliu clenched the side of her head in pain as the memory ended. She felt like she was suffocating under the tides of these old, forgotten emotions overwhelming her at once.

“Jingliu?! Are you okay?!” [Name] reached out their hand but stopped short of coming into contact with her. The same feelings that kept their distance from the swordswoman long ago made them hesitate.

When Jingliu’s breathing resumed to normal and her painful headache subsided, she looked up at [Name]. Because she recovered her memories, the Mara struck and her blindfold dissipated. [Name] could clearly see into her pained crimson eyes for the first time in centuries. Jingliu spoke in a quiet voice, “…how is it possible that we weren’t close?”

“We always kept our relationship professional.” [Name] averted Jingliu’s gaze, looking back to the calm moonlit sea in front of them.

“But… I remember talking with you. I remember falling in love with you.”

Time seemed to stop once again as those words fell from Jingliu’s lips. There was no way, absolutely no way, that all this time she liked [Name] back. No, she loved them back the same way they have for all these lonely years.

So all that pain [Name] shouldered out of thinking Jingliu wouldn’t ever spare a glance at them like that, was for naught? Maybe it was foolish of them to blot the idea out right away instead of even confessing first. [Name] could feel their heart starting to bleed from this old, self-inflicted wound they’ve made onto themselves.

But a part of what [Name] thought about Jingliu not prioritizing romance must be true, or else she would’ve confessed her feelings at some point.

“…I’m sorry that I claim to love you but have also forgotten you.”

Jingliu’s apology brings [Name] out of their thoughts. She wasn’t ever the person to coward away, so she looked straight into [Name]’s eyes. But vulnerability and sincere remorse was present in her voice. [Name] shook their head. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. I understand. After all, I kept my distance from you purposefully, because I didn’t think you’d feel the same way.”

Jingliu’s eyes widened. “The same way? Then you mean you loved me too?”

“Very much,” [Name] placed their hand on top of Jingliu’s. “I have loved you for all these years, even after you were long gone.”

“I think about you every night when I look at the moon. I think about you when I watch Jing Yuan train his apprentice, because I used to watch you train him in the same way. I think about you when I tend to patients who’ve hurt themselves in battle. I never forgot you for a moment.”

It feels like a stab to Jingliu’s heart to know that [Name] always thought of her. They both loved each other yet… she just forgot everything. It fills her with guilt. She also thinks that maybe she shouldn’t have simply wished for [Name] to make a move first.

“Our circumstances are very different now,” [Name] continued. “Even if we do love each other still, we can’t be together. I’m sure you know that too.”

“It won’t be long until I’m Mara-struck myself. I’ve been living for a long time now,” they smiled with sad acceptance. “It’s better for us if we both moved on.”

Silence. Jingliu knows in her heart that it’s the cruel truth. Truly, they were both scared of the consequences of their feelings, and they paid the price with guilt and years of painful longing.

“Before we say goodbye, allow me one last thing.”

Jingliu gently cupped [Name]’s cheek and pulled them for a soft, tender kiss. It felt as if all of her unspoken emotions were finally being shared after ages of being hidden away, tucked into the deepest corners of her heart. [Name] returned her sentiment by kissing her back with the same passion. They’ve waited all this time for such a simple, fleeting act.

They pulled away reluctantly, still feeling the warmth of each other’s lips. They stayed close in tranquil silence, basking in the last few moments they had with each other.

“Goodbye, my love.”

The Transcendent Flash was gone as swiftly as she came. There was no trace of her ever being there besides the relief in the heart of the doctor who now sat alone at the docks.

There wasn’t a need to really hold on much longer. The build up of memories started taking its toll on [Name], and now that their final wish has been fulfilled, they can rest.

It is said that the doctor lived out the rest of their years happy and light of burden. They succumbed to the Mara peacefully without losing the rest of their sanity to becoming a monster.

One day, they hope to reunite with their lover in the stars when her goal too, is fulfilled.

title is from “forget her” by girl in red.

#jingliu x reader #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #jingliu #angst #wrote this at 3am #again

[writeouswriter]

*Sighs dreamily* Writing dialogue, my beloved.

*Hisses with intense malice* Writing all the dialogue tags and actions between dialogue, my beloathed.

#writing #writeblr #writing humour #writer things #relatable #textpost #my characters sure do look at each other a lot huh #the actions of today’s fic brought to you by our sponsors: #looking ; staring ; glancing ; gazing ; looking again but in a different direction ; etc #also for your promotional consideration: leaning forward ; snapping ; looking again ; shouting ; leaning back ; tilting head ;staring again #only one eyebrow raise though ☝️ #writing humor #dialogue #yes it’s almost 3am again leave me be #i wrote so much dialogue

[orkbutch]

sound like terf talking points ngl. just say you don’t think trans women are women and go :/

I'm assuming this ask is referring to this post, otherwise idk what it'd be about That post was made in response to me first noticing trans men talking about "transmisandry". An element of whats being called transmisandry is the exact experience I described in that post, and I was giving my opinion on that change in gender perception and how battling against that is pretty futile. As I said in the post, this wariness toward masculinity and cis men - I'm just going to call this 'Man Wariness' for short - is also something the vast majority of trans women have internalised. (I only say "vast majority" because I guess there could be The Exception? but really I just think All women have that wariness lmao.)

I became aware of this discussion because trans women that I follow on twitter have been pushing back on the misogyny and transmisogyny that's been expressed by the people championing the existence of transmisandry the hardest. I've been witnessing a lot of conversations trans women are having about the trans/misogyny they've experienced specifically from trans men. They (accurately imo) identify this as a threat to the integrity of feminism, particularly within transgender thought/politics, because misandry is not a real oppressive framework that exists. Pro-transmisandrists have been arguing that misandry is real and harms trans women as well, because The Man Wariness - non-men having learned to be guarded and fearful of masculinity & (what their brain associates subconsciously with) cis men - can also be directed at trans women, and results in transphobia toward those women.

The trans women disagreeing resent the framing of this as a 'misandry' issue because, of course, trans women are women. The people that hate trans women, even the ones that call them men to abuse them, don't actually see them as Men. In the eye of the transphobe, terf or GC, trans women are something else entirely, an inherently deviant third thing. Pushing back against "misandry", a supposed systemic oppressive hatred of manhood and men, does absolutely nothing to protect women from oppression. Trans women are oppressed, attacked, assaulted and abused mostly viciously and routinely by cis men. Labelling a description and discussion of Man Wariness as "TERF talking points" is just... deeply, deeply unhelpful imo. Man Wariness is just real. Thats just how a LOT of people operate in the world, trans women included. Obviously this learned wariness ends up impacting how many trans women are viewed and treated, and I understand being skeptical of me defending Man Wariness because of that. I was talking about it in the context of trans men/mascs' experiences specifically. Honestly... I don't really have helpful, thorough thoughts on how Man Wariness impacts trans women/fems and how that should be tackled. Its a bit of a wicked problem, I'm not trans fem and I haven't seen much discussion about this specifically. I assume because its a touchy subject thats kind of avoided. On the one hand, I believe deeply that trans women shouldn't need to perform/achieve a certain level of femininity in order to be safe, happy and acknowledged by society as women. On the other hand, Man Wariness is an uncontrollable response that is very deeply internalised, often directly connected to traumatic experiences, and I don't think its something that can be explored and addressed unless we can talk about it openly and frankly. Your response to this is very counter-productive imo. It just shuts down any possibility of a nuanced, open discussion. Maybe it'd be helpful if I was a terf, but I'm not lol. Which is obvious if you've known me or followed my work for any significant amount of time. Its the kind of response that shames someone for having Man Wariness, and feeling shame about an uncontrollable emotional response is toxic. Thats going to make that person feel they're irredeemably transphobic in some deeply embedded way that makes them reluctant to interact with trans women. And if theres anything that I think would break down someone's Man Wariness reaction to trans women, it would be having more familiarity with trans women because they'd pretty quickly internalise that trans women are not a threat and are women. OR of course that shame makes them feel rejected and alienated from trans friendly sphears, and they then turn toward TERF & GC sphears where they can be reassured their Man Wariness is fine, and are then vulnerable to being radicalised. But you know in my opinion no matter where that discussion went, no matter how immovable Man Wariness could be proven to be, that will NEVER invalidate that trans people have a right to safety, health, happiness and acceptance within society as the gender we know we are. That's actually just fact. These discussions are simply figuring out How that should come to be, and what our vision of a better, trans accepting society might look like.

#tw: transphobia #oops i wrote a lot of stuff at 3am again

[hamartia-grander]

Starting to slowly realise I'm really not doing well mentally and it's. concerning. I feel like I should take a break from tumblr bc it takes some of what little energy I have but it's also my source of joy with friends so idk what to do, like I'd miss y'all more than I'd feel good about being away. But if you notice me talking less/not responding in days it's bc I just cannot. I leave your message notifs up so I don't forget tho <3

#Personal #Feeling dreadful bc so many friends have shared with me things they wrote that I SO GENUINELY AM EXCITED TO READ #I've just had literally no time nor energy for ANYTHING I enjoy in like a month #And I'm also literally not sleeping. I'm either not sleeping or I have recurring nightmares that wake me up. It's god-awful #Therapy isn't helping either cause atp I already know everything they're advising me about it's just not working #Nothing's changed either which ofc makes me feel worse. No meds changed no habits changed nothing crazy happened #I'm just suddenly worse than I've been in years which is Not Good #I feel awful for not being able to read my friends' things if I could let y'all see my mind you'd know I want to read what you write so bad #I just can't right now. I'm sorry #Not to mention work and school have been especially more demanding recently and I literally get home after 8 every single night #Don't even eat dinner til past 10pm #Doing hw until 3am etc etc #It's like high-school all over again but I'm an adult with more responsibilities than ever

[rustyelias]

thinking about Jonah. I genuinely don’t think he truly knew what wearing the watchers crown would be like. Feeling every single persons fear all of it, he must of been so overwhelming at the end of the day he was still mortal still human. All he wanted was immortality. Which the eye knew wasn’t possible. Both Jonah and the beholding knew the end would win. And yet the eye still promised Jonah it. He worked all his life for something he knew couldn’t work.

I think Jonah and Jon conversation in mag 200 was Jonah last try at getting to Jon. “Empathy only holds you back in the end.” He wants so badly for Jon to let go of his last part of humanity. I am certain Jonah was somewhat lying to himself. Trying to convince himself all his work wasn’t for nothing. Wasn’t for something that wasn’t his own plan “I suppose I always knew that, deep down.” The realisation that he is going to die that he can’t truly live forever “But it was wonderful while it lasted. I’ve seen more than I could have lived in a thousand lifetimes, and every moment was so –“ the was he SO quick to turn it back to being something positive.

Every day I think about the fact he was scared in the moment before he died.

#gamers I wrote this at 3am #fuck it we ball I’ll post the 3am Jonah ramble! any typos blame 3am Eli #I am having feeling about jimmy magma again #he is so silly and complex #eli madness #tma #jonah magnus #feral eli

[anurarana]

My frustration with Jason Peter Todd is that there is a universe out there where he was given a decades-long character arc; one where he could learn from his mistakes, and make amends where necessary, all the while still acknowledging the pain both caused by himself, his actions, his decisions, as well as the flipside, the harm he has personally lived through intentional or not.

This is a character that will always have his motives and ideology shaped by the trauma he lived through and died for, but the way it feels like current comics interact with that trauma is just one big bad event that everyone else has gotten over and yet he is never allowed to move on from. All he is ever allowed to be is the self-proclaimed black sheep, the one who died, but he's not able to deconstruct what all that meant for him, his morals and foundational beliefs as a character, because we had to shove it all aside way to quickly to make room for big happy bat family.

His entire existence feels like it is there to either serve as a punchline or surface level angst when needed. No one knows what to do with Jason anymore because they never gave him the space for real character growth when it was necessary.

I feel like I'm always like haha yeah Jason Todd, I wish he was worse. I wish he was in more pain. I wish he was alone, and he hated everyone again and vise versa. But it's more that I find his personal morals and ethics fascinating, I just wish they were properly fleshed out and given the time and consideration to evolve and expand along with his growth as a person. I want him to be wrong. I want him to fuck up, and fuck up again. His passion is what makes him interesting!!

I also want him to learn and grow into his skin without throwing away everything he stands for. That he could actually become a solid argument to the status quo that mainline comics can find themselves falling into, one that you get the sense he was originally brought back to be. But instead, he's the angry one that is insane and kills people, or swing way too hard in the opposite end, and all of his claws have been filed off— he's just a sad boy with no real poignant internal dilemmas anymore.

Idk, maybe I like the idea of a guy being able to heal over time. Maybe the idea that you are doomed to relive the mistakes of the past forever is exhausting. But what we have right now is so boring and lame that I'm out here advocating for them to just kill him off again.

#idk how to fix what we have now I think we just gotta throw the whole man away #it feels like he's just there to whine and be edgy and stand for nothing #I love jason 😭 I just want him to mean something can we let him not suck please and thanks ughh #anyways lets to back to me not caring about comics for a few months again #jason todd #batman #I wrote way too much here it is 3am if this is illegible oh well #this isn't just a jason problem too I'm the number 1 batfam hater I feel like it fucked them all up #I just unfortunately got diagnosed with jtodd brain rot when I was 10 and now I am forced to live like this

[dragoninahumancostume]

I want to see art of Tumblr as a physical space. It's a building. The popular blogs are sitting on their thrones. The hall of fame is the reception of it because departamental building. You know when you got to a building and there are sofas on one side the receptionist in front fo the door? Imagine he sofa side is incredibly big but it's actually a library, because everyone here seems to love libraries, and each book is a famous post, but they're all disorganized entirely so they randomly appear on a table of the library and someone grabs it and says "hey look at this!" and then continue to share it; sometimes they don't share it and instead put it back in the shelf but soon it appears on a table again. Each apartment is a person and each room in them is a blog they have, and if you only have one blog? Worry not! Slider curtains or magical walls, so it's technically one room but it's made perfectly to fit you. The apartment has all accommodations needed for the person (wheel chair, painkillers, pads, tampons, you name it and it's there.) and you can have your pronouns and your name written on the door and next to it a list of the things you love the most and want to talk about with people. There are pride flags inside and outside if you want to have them. Your wardrobe is whatever you want to wear for the day; Cozy pajama? Sure! Wizard robe! There you go! Victorian outfit? Lovely! Beetlejuice cosplay? Neat!

The dash is the halls. We wander around the building whenever we leave the room. When you post something, you're just saying out loud your thoughts, and if you get notes, that's just people wandering near your apartment who happen to have heard you. Likes are people literally leaving heart shaped stickers —with the paper still on— under your door with a little note saying "I heard you saying this and I liked it". Reblogs are people hearing you, then going back to their rooms and saying "Hey I heard this and I want all of you to hear it too! Also, I may have something to add to it!". Your neighbors are your mutuals, because they can hear you more easily.

In the main hall there are, like, papers hanging on one VERY big wall. The wall has written at the very top of it "POLLS" in big font. The wall is divided in "FINISHED" and "AVAILABLE". The papers on the available side come with a pen so you can vote, but no one sees you while doing so and no one will know what you said except for you.

The asks are people sending you letters under your door. Your door is uh magical so you can say if people have to sign it or if it's okay to put it anonymous. You then proceed to read the letter out loud for everyone who passes by to hear and you answer.

The drafts is you having a thought but instead of saying it out loud you write it down, and put it on a shelf with the other drafts. Every apartment has a shelf, as high or as low as the person wants it, the color and the shape and everything is to appeal the owner of the apartment.

And uh.. I think that's it for now I can't think for much else except uh

@hellsite-detective has two types of asks. The simples ones like "Hey can you find this?" "I love what you do!" are the usual letters, the other type is the people who prefer to go ask for help themselves. They knock on the door and present the evidence for the case, trusting our dear detective.

There's so many people in here... Tumblr is pretty much a city with how many buildings there are... People can go on to other buildings and wander around too and participate if they want.

The gimmick blogs have different wardrobes in their rooms. There's the main one where they go as themselves, and there's the other where they can put on costumes and change their names.

There's also a more secluded part of the city... That's where the misfits live. Bigots, transphobes, homophobes... People who we don't want to be around, so they hide in their little corner of the city. Most know better than to interact. Those who are curious put on a custom to not be seen when they wander around, and they try not to engage.

I want to continue talking about this but I don't have any more ideas right now so please continue this if you want! :)

#is this something #how do i even tag this #I want people yo see this tbh #I've been feeling terrible lately and this hellsite (affectionate) is my escape #It literally feels like a physical place and it's so nice #When I feel bad I just come here and distract myself #i love this #hellsite #I'm sorry this is mainly just me rambling and it's 3am and I'm tired but I wanted to share #This is probably poorly written I'm sorry #long post #It was actually 2am when I wrote this but I missclicked and I don't want to write it again #i'm hungry #tumblr

[holycupcakecherryblossom]

thinking about discduo again

so you know how tommy has scars from exile mostly, what if like dream only heals tommy when the scars don’t come from him? like and he specifically reopens old scars he left on tommy, specifically tommy’s face, just for the reason that he likes knowing that the scars on tommy’s face (his face so dream and the world can see them) came from him. just like as a sicko way of claiming him.

#sorry for the horrendous explanation i wrote this at like 3am #c!discduo #c!primeboys #c!tommy #dsmp #c!dream neg ig #thinking of discduo again #headcanons

[speromint]

"Your mom would be fuckin' proud, man."

And Ashe feels himself falling. His body moves on its own, now-clawed hands pushing up from the ground. He wants to turn and look back at his friends, wants to see one last glimpse of them, but his head only manages to twitch to the side for a moment.

His mouth opens and speaks in a voice that is not his own.

Ashe can feel his consciousness fading, smothered by the Trickster's will. He's kicking and thrashing, but he can't stop himself from sinking down into the depths of his mind.

His consciousness fades out, and Ashe drowns.

There's a ringing in his ears. Every inch of his body aches fiercely and his bones feel impossibly heavy, like any sort of movement would be a herculean task.

His head is against something jagged and hard, and through the pain Ashe feels something warm and wet sliding down his back. Most of the pain radiates from there.

"Ashe!"

The familiarity of that voice causes Ashe's eyes to open halfway. His vision is blurred, but he'd know that vibrant red hair anywhere.

"D'kota?" His tongue feels swollen in his mouth, like it's made of cotton.

"Ashe, holy shit!" Dakota instantly goes to hug him, but Ashe's pained groan as he's lifted off the rubble deters him.

Someone comes to kneel down next to him. He hears more than sees his father.

"Ashe, kid, jesus-" There's a metal-covered hand on his shoulder, and Ashe weakly turns his head to see him.

He's so different than Ashe remembers. His hair has gotten longer, and he's grown a short, greying beard. His vision clears for a moment, and there's an expression on his face Ashe hasn't seen in years.

"'m I... dead?" he slurs.

"No, kid, no you're alright. You'll be alright. Just- just try and stay awake, okay? Doctor'll be here any minute now."

He tries to nod, but he doesn't have the strength. He thinks he rasps out an "okay", but he's fading in and out of semi-conciousness and it's hard to tell.

"A-? -she! -on't fall asle-! As-!"

There are flashes. Someone is lifting him up. There's something over his mouth. Wheels screeching. A constant beeping.

Ashe finally comes back to consciousness sometime later. Beside him is the source of the beeping noise- a heart monitor. It picks up as the fog in Ashe's head begins to clear.

His back aches badly, but the pain isn't nearly as intense as earlier. He's in a small, standard hospital room, wearing a deeply uncomfortable medical gown. He's not wearing his binder, but something is wrapped securely around his chest and back as well.

Something in the back of his mind is distressed at the lack of mobility, and he instinctively tries to flex muscles he does not have.

Right, the wings. That's what the bandages are for, then.

He hasn't used his body in nearly a year, now, and he feels terribly weak whenever he moves. He can barely bring himself to sit up properly, much less move his legs. Most of his movement this past year was probably relegated to his arms and wings, letting his legs fall out of use.

The feeling of having little control over his own body again sends him into a bit of an instictive panic, only amplified by his very recent possession.

"Ashe- calm down, kid, you're alright, you're safe."

His father looks exhausted, like he hasn't slept since their fight with Overlord. He can see heavy bags under his one uncovered eye, and he looks so much older.

Mark Winters had been a fairly young father. Young enough to stick out in a crowd filled with the parents of his classmates. Now, though, his dark blonde hair was streaked with white, and his face wrinkled with worry lines. At least, the human side of it did. Ashe wasn't sure there would be any signs of aging in the spatterings of deep green scales across his body.

"My- my legs-" He gasped out, looking down at them through the blankets. "I- I can't-!"

"I know, kid, I know." Mark reached out to him, but stopped halfway. "You're gonna have to get used to using 'em again. Doctor said there's a lotta atrophy goin' on."

This didn't help much, but Mark kept his voice calm and even as he continued, "you'll be alright, Ashe, I'll help you through it." This time, his father's hand did rest on his shoulder, trying to reassure him.

"How long was I gone for?"

Mark sucked in a breath, hesitant. "Just over a year, now. It's January 8th."

Ashe looked down at his hands as he processed this. There's so, so much he wants to say, to ask, but instead what comes out is, "I'm eighteen, now."

"I know."

A beat of silence. Something drips onto his hand and Ashe is suddenly aware of the hot tears rolling down his face. He's missed so much. An entire year of his life, gone.

"I know, kid," Mark gently pulls him in for a hug. Ashe can't remember the last time he'd done so. "I know."

#prime defenders #jrwi #ashe jrwi #ashe winters #dakota cole #mark wavelength #mark winters #jrwi prime defenders #jrwi wavelength #wrote most of this a while back. I wanted to share my personal headcanon that post-possession Ashe goes into a brief coma #and has to use a wheelchair. then crutches. then a cane #as he tries to get used to his body again #but it sorta got away from me #I haven't written much in YEARS and you can absolutely tell #characterization is probably a bit off here. sorry. it's nearly 3am

[biggiedraws]

okay i said before that i didnt have a lot to say about banana fish but i lied. i have thoughts about the ending (spoilers ahead!)

because holy shit. like. ash deciding not to see eiji?? and eiji knowing that hes doing it for his own good, and trying and failing not to get his hopes up, and giving the letter to sing to deliver? and sing yelling at ash to go see eiji and ash still not budging? and then ash reads the letter and THATS what changes his mind, so he gets up and starts running and its all priming you for the dramatic reunion at the airport. something something love can overcome anything, happily ever after, the end, right?

but then ash gets stabbed. by someone who had obviously been tailing him and wasnt particularly skilled. someone who never shouldve been able to sneak up on him. and its such a forceful reminder that eiji is ashs weakness, which we've known from the start, but the danger was supposed to be over! it specifically waits for you to let your guard down, to really slam it home that everyone was RIGHT. that eiji makes ash let his guard down, and that it would one day get him killed.

and like. okay. we know this from very early on. the narrative is perfectly clear that what they have is doomed. that its going to cause a lot of pain for both of them and can never end happily. you want to believe that they can overcome it, that once the fighting is over they can be happy together, but the story keeps telling you over and over that this isnt going to go that way, no matter how much either of them want it. BUT. the point is that it was worth it anyway.

ash lowers his defenses around eiji, and thats a GOOD thing. being together puts them both in danger, but its better than being apart. to love is to be vulnerable, and having someone that you can trust, that you can let your guard down around, is something worth fighting for. worth losing everything for. worth DYING for. ash is CONSTANTLY presented with chances to fix everything if he can just let go of eiji. but he chooses eiji every time and even though it always makes his own life worse, his own burden heavier, he never once regrets it. theres nothing he wouldnt do to keep eiji safe. to keep eiji nearby. he sabotages his own allies to save him. he risks getting caught just to see him one more time. he drops everything for an opportunity at happily ever after and pays the ultimate price for it. but he NEVER EVER REGRETS IT. he dies because of his love for eiji and he does it with a smile on his face. and eiji goes back to his peaceful and happy life with tears in his eyes because hes doing it without ash.

i dunno. maybe im reading into it too much, or maybe this is an extremely surface level analysis and everyone got it the first time but me. but i just remember the first time i watched it, being so shaken by the ending. i thought they deserved a happy ending, and was hoping they would finally get it, but when it didnt happen i didnt feel betrayed or frustrated by it. just shaken. it felt like a really good ending, but i couldnt pinpoint why. because all i could think is that it seems so unfair to rip away their happy ending like that. and it took this second watch through to really figure out why it works.

also side note but. as much as i respect the asheiji shippers (because like. yeah. literally the most resonable ship ever) im really glad that its platonic in the show. they love each other very deeply, and thats what the show is about, but it doesnt HAVE to be romantic to be meaningful. and i like that! i can certainly see the shipping potential, and i can even see how it could be interpreted as queer-coded, but i also just like it as a story about friendship. its really nice. anyway 10/10 i love this show so much

#banana fish #bfish #its not often that i cry the second time watching something. especially if im being a bit more analytical the second time #but this fucking show got me again. god. that ending....... #anyway can you tell i wrote this at 3am and then edited it on 3 hours of sleep. i hope not bc i put a lot of effort into it but anyway

[cursedbooksandbeautycrooks]

Obey Me characters as stupid shit me and my friends said/did (part 1?):

*in class*

Beel: do you want bread?

Belphie: what?

Beel: *pulls a loaf of bread out of his pocket* do you want bread?

Mammon, from across the room: why do you have BREAD in your POCKET

#this was funnier in my head #i'll try again later #i wrote this at 3am #obey me #obey me shall we date #om #omswd #obey me crack #obey me beel #obey me Beelzebub #obey me belphie #obey me Belphegor #obey me mammon #3am thoughts #3am things #flop

[pygian-weapon]

I find the team of characters for this episode ("Things Past") pretty fascinating. Sisko and Jadzia are there to sort of be the viewer's moral barometer: they question things, they criticize, but they have no direct link to the events in the memory (having been far away from Terok Nor at the time of the occupation).

And then there's Garak who is (very in line with his character) a decoy. He starts the episode with his complaints about the conference on Bajor, and later he doubles down with some racist comments. So you think "okay, so this episode is about the mentality of superiority and oppression Cardassians had during the regime" which is pretty explicit, but it's mostly a ploy to distract from the real guy who is being accused of fascism here, Odo. It's easy to simplify "fascism is when you do racism" or "fascism is when there are soldiers around" (and oppression based on discrimination and militarization are elements of fascism, I'm not saying they're not), but it's important to explore also those aspects that are less evident (which are, usually, the ones that are easier to fall into if one does not pay attention). Odo wanted to be super partes, thought his objective approach to truth and justice could be decoupled from the responsibility he had towards the Bajoran people, but what good is the blind worship of the law when the law is there to uphold the unbalance of power?

#Something something garak wanted to talk about the objective historical analysis of the occupation #Which in a way this episode is and isn't an objective reflection of Odo's experience with all evidence taken into consideration #I did that thing again where I watched ds9 after work late and now I can't sleep #ds9 #I wrote this half-asleep at 3am and then spell checked in the morning forgive me if it makes no sense

[quinn-pop]

oops! *makes a waddle dee oc*

i dont know if i can justify (or explain??) her existence (narratively speaking) but the silliness was too powerful tonight

#yeah apparently I just wrote for almost three hours #it’s that kind of night ig #am i going to draw her or give her a name?? uhhh eventually maybe #because I will have to #but for now i just need to go to bed and hope that what i have is good #because i really don’t want to give this the queendom treatment and Put Way Too Much Effort In #but ive also added all the beats i wanted and gone over it a few times (and the cringe complex is still trying to get me) #oh well #that’s for future quinn (aka probably tomorrow at like 3am again)

[lieblxng]

@theshytigergirl | Moved

Noah held onto him tightly as they flew, calming herself down from the sudden and rushed take off. He was acting really odd. After a few moments, she removed her face from his back, looking at the sky around them in awe. It was chilly yes but holding onto Leon kept her warm. Noah however, caught the look charizard gave her and smiled back gently. If his partner was going to be calm then she shouldn’t worry about Leon too much. She let out a soft sigh before laying her head back onto his back. “Leon….are you sure you’re ok?”

[ Dear Arceus, Leon was so wrapped up in everything else going around him for years that he hadn’t noticed how deep in this he was. Everything started to make sense with this realization, after so long of these sensations he’s been feeling. Who else would get lost in their best friend’s gaze every time he looked into her vibrant orange eyes? He clenched his chest, trying to steady his breath and heartbeat but both of those functions were out of control. It was unknown to him how extensively he has been enchanted by his best friend, but it’s been a while at the very least. ‘You’ve been dragging that poor girl around so bad, how could you do that, Lee?!’ he chided himself for his obliviousness internally, wanting to scream or growl out of frustration but kept it in so he wouldn’t worry Noah more. ]

[ Something needed to be said, now, but he couldn’t bring himself to blurt anything but nonsense. ] “A-ah, I’m fine! Promise, j-just give me a minute to think…”

[ The valuable time he got, even if it was a handful of mere seconds, he made sure to spend as best as he could. What now? Experience in romance was something he lacked, and frankly, he didn’t think of it much before until…today. And he knew, fully well, that she felt the same–or at least she used to, with the feelings she confessed once with a certain Pokémon. He had to make it up to her for all these years of denial and he couldn’t simply claim ignorance of all of this like before. Something for her–anything…

…and he had an idea. He didn’t know if it was a good idea, but he was yearning with all his heart that it would work. She deserved the world, and Leon wanted to give her just that. ]

#//sad i had to move this ;; tis ok #//also you can tell i wrote the other half of this reply at 3am #//but a reply is a reply! :D im starting to learn thats okay sometimes #//doesnt mean it still doesnt make me scREAM AAAAAAAAAAAA- #Leon (self) | The undefeated champion! #Noah | A girl looking for the world. #Don't care if it's past August. | Replies #Chairman still doesn't ring right to me... | Never Again Verse (Leon) #theshytigergirl

[spectrum-system]

have i ever sharred my stupid sonas backstorry? I dont think i have, so here it is, my magnum opus.

Dr eggman was having familial issues. His wife, Karen, took the kids and then they died. He was the only one left. Now with nobody to cary on his legacy he fell into a deep depression. Mr clean found him one day and said "ill help clean up this family" and gave his dna to eggman who then combined the two and grew Soulstice (my persona) in a lab, essentially making Dr. Eggman their mother. Mr. Clean stuck around while they were growing, eggman slowly opening up and fallin in love with him.

Unfortunately, when they were grown enough to come out of their tube, Mr.Clean was gone, having acomplished his mission and moving on to thw next one, leaving Eggman with a bastard child. That child then grew up to become gay. They ran away an became a dimention hopper because they were tired of being called a sonic oc by @wobbabot. Dr. Eggman got sad.

They now exist mostly in a 2d plane of existance, able to hop from medium to medium, paper to paper, dimention to dimention, etc. they're cool now and they get mega bitches (lies) and they really dont do anything they just like to watch the chaoss. they're stupid and gay and they forgot about their stupid dad becuase they are NOT A FUCKING SONIC OC.

#oc lore #my oc #oc #please kill me #i think i wrote this at like 3am one day and im in hysterics reading this again