#actually right before i got into mcyt i was super hyperfixated | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

memryse · 2 years

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i wanna expand on my tags a little actually <3 loveposting for the mcyt fandom at the end but under a cut bc this is pretty heavy Backstory (tw for suicidal ideation) and i’ve never spoken about it publicly before but i think i would like to get it off my chest after all this time. bc i never really opened up about it and i don’t think i could say it directly to anyone

ok so. pandemic bad. we all get that right

i handled the first part of the pandemic p well. it was summer, as an introvert (and, as i have recently realised, an undiagnosed autistic who was REALLY struggling in sixth form) i enjoyed the freedom from other people. i ended a shit relationship (don’t edate, kids), got super into twisted wonderland, made some lovely friends in my twst server who i still adore to this day. i thought the pandemic would be great for me!

but as it turns out, i actually do need a little bit of contact with people my own age in order to not go insane. and to put my social situation into perspective, i had a friend group at sixth form who i never talked to outside of school and intended to drop the minute i had an excuse to do so because they were transphobic, and two friends from pre-sixth form who went elsewhere for sixth form who i Also barely talked to anymore because. again. undiagnosed autistic. reaching out to people just to say “hi” and make small talk is not my thing no matter how well i know a person.

so september rolls around, we start university. i my friends move to their unis, i move to mine for a bit, make friends with one of my flatmates, but then we go back into lockdown at halloween and both of us go home. again, i struggle to keep contact with her, and i’ve made no real friends in my online classes either - i talk in the group chats a lot, met my classmates once while i was still at uni, but don’t click with anyone. and it’s also november. so all of these things considered, the seasonal depression hits really hard.

i realise i wasted my entire time in school being a terminally online kid who can’t maintain friendships with people in real life (narrator voice: this is, again, because of the undiagnosed autism and wanting to share your obscure hyperfixations but nobody irl caring). and i also realise how little i ever have private conversations with people even online, that barely anyone ever even bothers reaching out to me personally despite me having several close online friend groups. and i just… get it into my head that i’m fundamentally unlikeable and broken as a person, that i’m not worth getting to know outside of a group setting. i start noticing everything about other people’s friendships to the point that i either have to remove myself from conversations where my twst friends would mention other people or i would just outright take out my misery on them because i had no other outlet other than this twst server that i ran. by the end of december, i was idly contemplating suicide pretty much every day. it’s without a doubt the most mentally unhealthy i’ve ever been - i’m normally very self aware/analytical of myself but i was so absorbed in how utterly miserable i was that i couldn’t see how much of a dick i was actually being. the worst part is that my friends did reach out, but at the time it didn’t help, because it just made it feel like people only cared because i was acting so obviously concerning.

i think around mid january i realised it was not healthy for me to be around those people, but even then i hadn’t realised i was treating them like shit, it was very much from a self absorbed place of “i will feel worse if i keep hanging out in this server”. so i just… cut myself off from people. deactivate my twitter. try to stop talking in the server as much as possible. focus on uni work. still utterly alone in real life - my two school friends would message me every once in a while, but i never know how to properly respond, which continues the cycle of me feeling isolated and broken. yknow what’s funny is that in hindsight we had a minecraft server with the three of us in december and my brain erased all connection between “your friends want to play minecraft with you” and “your friends like you and want to hang out with you”. and i knew they were talking and hanging out with each other too and that they knew each other’s personal lives, but i was comparatively out of the loop. what i’m trying to say here is that i used to not think jealousy was a genuine thing until i became the human embodiment of it

except for one thing. one of those friends is a wilbur/dsmp fan. and they keep messaging me dsmp references, which i absolutely do not get, but am sort of aware of the existence of the dream smp. i watch a couple of the videos they send me, but generally understand none of it. all i know from twitter is “dream is bad”

it gets to the end of february/beginning of march, and i say fuck it. i start watching wilbur’s dsmp videos, and then tommy’s. by the time i get to the exile vods, it’s become such a hyperfixation that i physically can’t concentrate in class anymore because all i can think about is watching the next vod. which, yknow, not great for my academics especially when i’m already struggling because of the Mental Illness. but what it does give me is an excuse to talk to my friend! and our other friend sees me getting into it and decides to check it out too (hi mint if you’re reading this. i’d put a heart but it feels a bit awkward after the paragraphs about suicidal depression) in total it takes me like. two or three weeks to catch up with the general gist of lore, with my first live streams being the prison streams. for related reasons i don’t remember most of that period. it was a BLUR

i reactivate my twitter because i’m unable to keep myself from gushing about the hypfx. at first i only use a 0 follower side acc because i think everyone will hate me for liking mcyt. then i decide to post it on main, predictably lose followers so i do end up making a diff account. BUT hog hunt comes out, which convinces sin, my twitter mutual since 2017 or 2018 to go from “will maybe watch dsmp one day” to “has to find out about this thing immediately”. we’d been mutuals for so long and are basically the same person but had never properly become close bc we were always into different things

and well. all of that somehow ends up in me getting into 3l and hermitcraft despite having awful associations with hc because of the shitty relationship from the start of the post. me, irl friend mint, sin and some other New friends manage to all become a friend group because of a minecraft server. long story short in april i travelled to london to meet up with them because they’re my dearest friends and i have photos of us on my wall all together wearing minecraft youtuber merch.

i talk to both of those irl friends nearly every day now. which all started with mcyt yes but we’re just overall so much closer now, we all live in different places but make efforts to hang out a lot - often for mcc <3

starting in december i allowed myself to properly start talking in that twst server again. for most of 2021 i’d been too hyperfixated on mcyt to even really want to, but i was also so disgusted by how badly i’d treated them that i figured they were better off without me. but… they welcomed me back with open arms, i’ve never felt an ounce of anger from them even though they definitely deserve to be mad at me for all of that. i talk to them most days even if it’s just to check in or share an outfit. they’re like my family and i love them so dearly

and finally! i moved back to uni in march and worked up the courage to join a society - i became such fast friends with them, we hang out so much and i met multiple hc fans in the society! one of them is coming over to watch double life with me tomorrow <3 i thought i was incapable of making new friends but i’ve clicked so well with all of them. the mcyt thing is just one part of that, but well. domino effect. if all of the above hadn’t happened i would have been too depressed to consider even trying making new friends. and i’m so glad i did.

i’ve made so many cool friends from tumblr too, and never in my life did i see myself returning to tumblr until i found out that there were more inniters on tumblr <3 in general my life has just done a complete 180 from early 2021 and i truly owe all of it to the video of crimeboys trying to gaslight phil into thinking he doesn’t have a wife, and the video of tubbo trying to pronounce “diamantspitzhacke”. this fandom is hell sometimes but it’s definitely the reason i’m alive today, so that’s generally a good thing i think

yeah this got. really long but okay. the one part of my life that i have still not improved is that i have no clue how to open up to people, i don’t really do direct emotional closeness. nor would i necessarily want to dump all of this directly on anyone, because it’d almost feel like i’m blaming them for that dark point in my life, like i’m saying “you should have been there for me”. but i’m done being angry about it, i could have done more to reach out for help. so writing this out and sending it off to the void of tumblr is cathartic enough for me, and whoever happens to read it, i don’t really care. i’m just happy now. amazing what minecraft youtubers and a community of gay minecraft youtuber fans can do for a person

#tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #memos

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theinferno26 · 9 months

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Hi! I'm new-ish to Tumblr. Coming here from Twitter (or I guess it's called X now), so here's an introduction to me!

Name : My irl name is Cameron, but my online username is Inferno, so you can call me either of those.

Age : I'm 17 years old.

Pronouns : My most preferred pronouns are he/him, but I also like they/them. I'll also accept basically any pronouns (except for it/its) as long as you say it respectfully.

Sexuality : I'm biromantic asexual.

Gender : I was assigned male at birth, but I'm not sure I fully identify with that anymore. Right now, I'm liking either demiboy or just unlabeled.

Now, here's a list of some of my interests.

Art - I've been working on digital art and improving my art skills for about 2 and a half years, but I've been drawing casually my whole life. I'm mostly a fan artist, but I do have 1 dnd oc that I draw occasionally.

Pokémon - I've loved Pokémon my entire life. It is my favorite franchise of all time. My favorite Pokémon is Growlithe, and my favorite generation is gen 4.

Gaming - I've been gaming my whole life. I tend to prefer Nintendo games like Pokémon, Super Mario, and The Legend of Zelda, but I have been trying to branch out to other types of games recently.

Fire Emblem - The only Fire Emblem game I've played is Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes, but this game is now one of my favorite games of all time. I eventually wanna play Fire Emblem: Three Houses and then branch out from there.

KOllOK - This is my current obsession/hyperfixation/whatever you wanna call it. If you haven't watched KOllOK, please, please, please go watch it! I highly recommend it, even if you've never watched a ttrpg before! It was my first ttrpg ever, and now I love it more than any TV show or movie I've ever watched! I recommend starting with KOllOK 1991, then KOllOK 1991: Bleach, and then KOllOK.

Music - I only recently discovered my love of music within the past 2-3 years. I eventually wanna learn to sing and play guitar and/or drums, but I doubt that'll be anytime soon. My favorite artists to listen to are Billie Eilish, Finneas, Em Beihold, Malinda, and RØZE.

MCYT - I love Minecraft, both playing and watching it. My favorite SMPs to watch are Empires, Hermitcraft, and the ___ Life series. My favorite YouTuber (both in MCYT and of all time) is Shubble. She is so funny and wholesome and has helped me learn so much about myself (she basically taught me what asexuality is). (She's also the entire reason I got into KOllOK. The only reason I watched it in the first place was because she's in it. Did i mention that you should watch KOllOK?)

If you actually sat and read through all of this... why? I mean, thank you, but why? Anyway, I'm gonna try to post on here more often now that Elon is running Twitter into the ground.

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gogtopia · 10 months

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let's talk: canon events! how'd you get into the dream team? what brought you to dtblr?

i've given the story in some capacity before so here's the full version. all of the jules lore if you will im gonna make it long so here we go

so it's november 2020 (for some reason interests i get into around my bday often end up long term??) and i go home from college for thanksgiving break. bc it's covid, the rest of my sem is online so like i'm staying home. i got super into dnd the past few years and d20 specifically the summer before but bc i was an ra that sem i got too busy to watch long form content and eventually it lingered out of hyperfix territory. but like i wanted the rush of being super into something again and i knew that when i was going home so i actually planned to get into mcyt funnily enough, but my plan was to rewatch old vids from the people i watched in 2013 (actually i just wanted to get back into steve s.uptic in general too). but my brother was like bro. you have GOT to get into this dream smp thing, which he and my sister, then in hs, had both been watching for a while (my sister was actually a long term q viewer. skull). so the two of them sat me and my other sister down and we watched the sadist animatics, some of wilbur and tommy's lore vids, and weirdly enough a mr beast gaming video?? he also showed me a manhunt at some point but dsmp was rlly my point of entry because i'd come from a rp heavy fandom

so around the time i joined was exile which was obviously like so investing... love it or hate it like it did slay. and also el rapids was around that time. which like if you've known me longer than six months like i used to rewatch that entire arc regularly and write long meta about it. i latched pretty quickly to karlnapity and qnf (skull emoji). i thought dream was funny but i didn't get as invested in him specifically until full jackbox era bc he was less active then.

on the tumblr side, i made a blog right as i got into it but i wasn't super active. i mostly interacted with ppl in dsmpblr that did image descriptions at first (i did them up until like early 2022 when i just kinda gor burnt out w writing them) and like to be clear i was consistently blogging abt dtqk since nov 2020, but i didn't really get "accepted" into that side of tumblr until nov 2021. partially on me because i didn't follow a ton of ppl at first but also old dtblr was kinda weird abt accepting ppl into the mutual circle. whatever who cares eventually i got in with some cool ppl and then i met my friend areeba deedis around that time and she helped me spread my wings and meet a ton of ppl! also i think i started writing fic jan 2021 but didnt make my second ao3 until april but ive been writing consistently for this fandom since

#answered #anonymous

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literaphobe · 3 years

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okay i’ll bite. what is mcyt and dream smp. like i know what they stand for but what exactly... is it.... is it actually good or just your latest hyperfixation AGSHJSJSKS

oh god beware this is long and also i technically wrote it as part of a tangent to another ask but i realized this response suited this question much better but it also makes references to that ask which i will answer right after this one

“what is minecraft youtube?” well any YouTube video that features minecraft is technically minecraft youtube. i specifically only care about like. dream + friends. i follow the ‘feral boys’ (dream george quackity sapnap karl) mostly? but if ur question is: what is dream known for? the answer is minecraft manhunt and dream smp

so what’s minecraft manhunt? to understand that, u need to understand that minecraft isn’t “just blocks” because it is a beatable game haha. u beat the game by killing the ender dragon and obviously there’s a lot of stuff u need to do to do that. but i won’t bore u w the details. “speedrunning minecraft” means u beat minecraft very fast. dream used to be the record holder for beating minecraft a few months ago. he no longer is but i won’t get into that. it’s an annoying discussion n literally no one cares. all i’ll say is if u really believe he cheated and that he wasn’t being targeted by people who have since been exposed for trying to frame him for saying slurs that he never said (amongst other stuff), then u literally hate neurodivergent people so much. that’s all!

so what is MANHUNT, specifically? basically, dream does a series where x number of people are HUNTING him down and trying to KILL him before he beats the game. if he dies even ONCE, he loses. he’s done this with one hunter (george), two (+sapnap), three (+badboyhalo), four (+antfrost), and now five hunters (+awesamdude)

the hunters have infinite lives, and a compass that leads them to where dream is at any given point in the game. dream is allowed to kill them as many times as he wants, as a form of self preservation

so what’s the allure to manhunt? essentially, it’s how dream plays the game. he’s incredibly skilled at pvp (fighting) and parkour (moving fast and agile that i can’t even begin to explain. u need to see this for urself. it’s even more impressive if u play the game) and “clutching” (how he saves himself from risky moves and all the absolutely CREATIVE ways he does it)

also all the traps he sets to kill the hunters since it’s hard to go up against multiple people no matter how good you are. and how QUICKLY he thinks. it’s amazing. people with adhd are amazing and dream is a PRIME example of that. it makes me less hateful of my adhd :) and more appreciative of my traits :)

how did he do this? lots of research, lots of practice, lots of training. dream used to be a really average minecraft player who had to beg GEORGE to go easy on him. now? george loses to dream even on 40/50 hearts (the usual is 10). dream poured his heart into making his videos, putting a creative spin and skillful spin to his content that had never really been seen/executed as well before. and so 1.5 years after he started actively making YouTube videos he has over 20 million subscribers. and I’m not kidding, that number could be 30 million in a few months from now. that’s how fast he’s growing

ok i got off topic. another great thing about manhunt is dream’s relationship w the HUNTERS. the hunters are friends who dream has known for many years, and also they come up with great plans to defeat him as well. in many ways, they can also be seen as the “underdogs” in manhunt, especially since dream won the 4 hunters series 3-2. anyway in manhunt, all of the players are in an open channel discord voice chat, so they can all hear each other talk, and also talk to each other. sometimes the hunters discuss strategies before the face off, or they dm ideas secretly in the game chat, or attempt to talk in code. but mostly dream can hear the things they say, and they can hear the things he says. it makes it so that they can attempt to trick each other, but they can also hear things that give them a leg up in the game. etc etc. the banter that goes on is like. BIG part of what makes manhunt fun to watch

and the editing...... it is very good and engaging n he chooses fun music :) the speedrun music is a meme by now but it still slaps unironically. he makes excellent choices n i am very entertained

OKAY. so what is dream smp?

(smp stands for Survival Multiplayer. aka: a lot of people play together in a world where u can die and monsters spawn. the dream part is because dream owns the server)

once upon a time, there were two best friends. their names were dream and george. they decided to play minecraft survival together, but they didn’t want to beat the game super fast this time. THIS was about having fun. they wanted to casually explore the world, build a house together, raise some animals, start a farm, etc! after a bit they started to add some of their other friends so more people could have fun with them. and then more people got added. and the dream smp started to include a roleplay aspect because they invited people who did roleplay on other servers

i won’t summarize the events for u. if u wanna know what HAPPENED plot wise, this dude evanmcgaming makes like. summaries that are low key documentaries. very well made, he includes clips from the actual lore streams when necessary! his channel is here and i’ll list the documentaries in order: first | second | third | fourth | fifth

and then this really cool 18 year old Filipino girl started animating events on the dream smp to look REALLY cool n it got so many views and her first animation was done on her PHONE w her FINGER and it made the people on dream smp go damn we need to step the FUCK up so that this girl can get better material for her animations. they are all huge fans of her. everyone is a huge fan of her. she’s called sad-ist, and so far there are 4 main animations: first | second | third | fourth

anyway now! dream smp is essentially what i would call gay planned theatre improv but the medium through which they perform is not a stage but on minecraft. there actually is WRITING involved in this, they script the series of events etc, but for the most part they don’t actively script dialogue afaik?

some truly AMAZING bits of dialogue has come out of the dream smp. the dream smp is basically. gamers transform into theatre kids before ur very eyes + some of these bitches WERE theatre kids and they’re showing it now!

it’s amazing watching the growth because a lot of them have improved leaps and bounds. one of the most notable improved actors is dream ❤️ yea im bringing him up ok because im RIGHT his acting used to just be him screaming but now he can give me chills. he’s very good n is the “main villain” on dream smp :)

and like. not only do we have people like sad-ist animating the smp we have members like quackity who include pre recorded elements in his lore streams to make it just. a truly incredible experience. quackity my beloved. i love him so much

#ask #mcyt #dream smp #dreamwastaken #anyway i say i follow the feral boys #but my faves rn are dream george quackity #aka the discord kittens ig? but that also low key includes badboyhalo #Anonymous

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kai-keda · 3 years

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So something on twitter got me rambling this to someone who I don’t even know whether or not they’re involved in the same communities as me or not and I kinda just realized this is actually a big problem.

Why are fandom spaces having age wars? Or would it be more appropriate to call it generational wars?

Basically what I’m going on about is how now that I’m 25 years old and have joined and become super involved with a relatively much newer community than any other I’ve been in before I’m seeing a lot of hostility.

Hostility thrown at me by complete strangers.

Okay, so, if you’ve known me for long enough you’d know that I’m used to people not liking me because of actions I did or words I said. Specifically I’m referring to that mega dark time in the Dragon Ball fandom when my mental health was unchecked, I was overly emotional and stupid.

When I say “Hostility being thrown at me by complete strangers” in this context I don’t mean it in that same sense. I mean people who only know my age and that I’m in their fandom.

With my previous fandoms they were things that a lot of adults were in as well because they initially joined said fandom as children themselves. This includes Dragon Ball and Naruto. So I never really had a problem with people hearing my age and running for the hills screaming since they were used to seeing adults. There were also communities with source materials that were geared more towards adults like Trigun.

Heck I was still more often than not on the younger side of any particular group discussion. At most I would be more in the middle of the groups age range and never the oldest.

That is until now.

See I’ve recently gotten really excited, obsessed, hyperfixated or whatever you want to call it with the MCYT content creators. I’m talking of course specifically about the Dream SMP stuff but also the creators individually.

I love the Sleepy Bois Inc group and the Dream Team and Fundy and Ranboo and Niki and BBH and Tubbo and just the whole lot of them in the right contexts honestly.

To me this wasn’t really anything new. I mean, once upon a time I enjoyed Yogscast but I was really young and not involved in the internet’s current world of fandom culture. Also, I never obsessed over them and their story. I was into other things at the time.

When I get really invested in something I tend to immediately go searching for a community to share it with and I’ve started following on tumblr and twitter a lot of wonderful fan-artists and analysts and shitposters and man the lot of you are so great. And I’m also subscribed to a LOT of animators on YouTube. I’ve been leaving as many positive comments ranging from pointing out the finer details of a piece of work to fully emotional responses as I can possibly leave.

And it seems like you guys are really awesome and open and friendly! You guys tend to reply to my comments and even if you don’t (which is totally fair! Don’t feel pressured, my comments are to make you feel good not a trap to make you interact with me!) you’ll leave a like or heck a heart on my YouTube comments to y’all’s animations.

Seeing my positive energy getting returned with positive energy gave me the courage to join some discord servers and I started, of course, with the official ones. Wilbur Soot was the content creator of this group of people that I watched first so of course by this point I was subscribed to him on Twitch. I was also subbed to TommyInnit so I joined their servers. I’m in a few other servers including SAD-ist’s server and Techno’s members only server.

I started out joining vc’s and chatting in text channels but it’s been quite a long time since I’ve done either of those two things (not including a stray opinion here or there being thrown into the DreamSMP Boundaries discord).

I’m pretty sure it’s been since early December since I’ve really interacted in ANY of these servers - including the much smaller non-official fan ones!

Why is that?

Honestly, I got tired of the hostility thrown my way at any mention or reminder of my age.

I’m 25 years old and when people in these servers hear that, a good chunk legitimately feel really awkward.

I was asked not once, not twice, but FOUR TIMES in a single night from FOUR DIFFERENT PEOPLE in the SAME VOICE CALL “Why are you in a fan server for a sixteen year old Minecraft streamer (referring to TommyInnit) if you’re 25?” with NO trace of irony and with complete seriousness and out of all those times only ONE PERSON defended me because they were in the call for the third instance only for them to leave, someone else to join and it to happen again.

And each time, the call went quiet and everyone waited silently for my answer. They were all legitimately concerned for the fact that I happen to be a fan of a streamer who happens to be younger than me.

And when I pointed out what I THOUGHT was obvious which was “90% of the other streamers he’s with and openly calls friends are also adults including Wilbur who is only one year younger than me and Philza who is seven years OLDER than me” only a portion of people responded with “yeah that’s true.”

The rest said “That’s not the same.”

I tried again to “explain myself” (we’ll get to how shitty THAT is in a minute) by detailing how I just genuinely think Tommy, and Tubbo as well, are fun to watch. They’re entertaining, they’re funny, they’re energetic, they work well off the other streamers and I also find them adorable the same way I find puppies and kittens adorable. Heck, I love referring to Tommy as a Chihuahua because he’s a tiny little child with a really loud bark. It’s funny and cute and that’s the appeal.

That got a few other people to relax but there were still some people who at this point just said “well, I still think it’s weird but whatever.” and continued on only with an awkward air of nervousness around them.

Alright so it’s really important for me to stress that being a fan of a content creator does not equate wanting anything romantic or sexual with them in any capacity and therefore there is nothing inherently “creepy” or predatory about an adult being a fan of a content creator who happens to be a minor. I get that that seems like a hard concept to grasp but it’s true.

I’m sure there’s plenty of musicians and actors y’all absolutely adore who you don’t want to marry and/or bang. Heck, I’m positive there’s a good chunk of you who love Miyazaki films. You love his work, you’re a fan of what he does, of his content and you’re a fan of him yet you don’t want to marry and/or bang him. I’m sure a lot of you also have really close platonic friendships that you enjoy.

Assuming I’m only a fan of Tommy to get closer to him and his fans who are minors for some gross reasons is really shitty. NEVER assume the worst in someone like that. Be cautious around adults on the internet in general, sure, but this particular attitude I’ve described is disgusting.

Anyways, beyond that though this rabbit hole goes deeper.

It’s not just people being concerned that an adult is a fan of a content creator who is a minor. People have actually openly shamed and mocked me for being 25 years old in these other servers. Including the one you have to pay monthly to get into in the first place!

And now I go on twitter and I see a post pointing out how silly it is for minors to push adults out of fandom spaces that are based on content created BY ADULTS and the replies are people arguing FOR THE EXCLUSION OF ADULTS?!?!

HELLO?!?!

Are you guys okay?!?!

How is me being a fan of Philza and wanting to interact with other fans of his weird and creepy?? THE MAN IS LITERALLY SEVEN YEARS OLDER THAN ME AND MARRIED WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

I heard that there’s been a lot of drama in the JoJo fandom recently where minors are trying to say the whole fandom needs to be purged of adults??? That it’s meant to be a safe space for children and teenagers?? THE ANIME JOJO’S BIZZARE ADVENTURE?!?! DO Y’ALL KNOW HOW OLD THAT FRANCHISE IS?!?! IT’S OLDER THAN SOME OF YOU!!

Should teenagers have safe spaces in fandom where they don’t have to worry about strange adults if they’re uncomfortable with that? Absolutely.

Should adults be shamed and kicked out of fandom as soon as they become an adult? Should “20” be the age where fandom must stop? Absolutely fucking NOT!

I want so bad to make friendships and be a part of a community of people who enjoy these dorky Minecraft streamers as much as I do. It kills me to open Discord, see all the activity in these servers and shy away at the last minute from joining in because of my age.

I’m rusty on this quote so forgive me if it’s not exact but this has been my life motto since I became an adult and accepted my place in fandom. I think a lot of you guys can learn from it:

“When I became an adult I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”

- C.S Lewis

#long post #mcyt #might as well tag the fandom in specifically talking about the most #you guys seem like so much fun to talk and hang out with #i want to be a real part of this community #y’all are so nice and awesome until my age is discovered or brought up #fucking hell #and don’t say oh just don’t mention your age #cause then I just feel dishonest and like I’m being fake #fandom #discourse #I guess #Kairi Yajuu rambles #Kairi Yajuu rant

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calamit-ink · 2 years

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Another reason I’ve been inactive is cuz I’m going through a weird patch of losing interest in a fandom I was once REALLY passionate about and in to. This happened before when I lost touch with Sanders Sides ages ago, but it still kinda hurts and makes me feel sad cuz here’s this thing that I was once SUPER happy about and looking at content for it would always brighten my day just a little and helped me so much through bad days and poor mental health patches. But now it doesn’t feel the same, it doesn’t make me feel all happy anymore and I just feel all disconnected from the it.

I’m just,,,,, I’m a HELLA sentimental person and I hate the process of becoming uninterested in an interest (to my knowledge, im not nd so im not gonna call them hyperfixations or special interests). It’s what I imagine falling out of love feels like.

The fandom I’m talking about now is specifically the Dream SMP but also kinda MCYT in general. I got into both in early December of 2020, like RIGHT when the exile arc started. And I had a BLAST diving headfirst into it. I watched the season 2 finale live and was just so happy with this content. But I never really got into season 3 and lately it’s just been a snowball of dying passion, I just couldn’t get interested in Wilbur’s revival, or Las Nevadas, or the prison, or the nuke and egg plot. I think the final nail in the coffin was Ranboo’s third canon death, I just didn’t care about what they could possibly do with the series after. Dsmp had me in an absolute chokehold for the first couple months of 2021, but I didn’t really care for the main storyline so for the better half of a year, my interest was solely in fan content (art and fics and stuff like that) of broad interpretations of the characters and au’s. This was also the time I was becoming aware of how much I enjoyed the idea of self-insert content but I was also hesitant to indulge in it since dsmp (and au’s)/mcyt content in general is HEAVILY linked with the creators and their lives and I just felt really uncomfortable with having a s/i there because it would never feel like interacting with fictional characters, it felt like also interacting with the people behind them and I felt way too uncomfortable pretending to be friends with ACTUAL. PEOPLE.

So yeah I ended up having a really complicated on/off interest with dsmp/mcyt for a while but the past couple weeks I’m just kinda done with it all. I miss all the really good stuff at the start of it but it hasn’t been able to make me feel anything close to that since.

Lmao guess I just needed to rant about that. I’ve always been pretty insecure about having interests so i just. Don’t talk about them. Anywhere. Me making fan content at all is already a lot for me even tho literally no one cares cuz the stuff I make and the media I indulge in are nothing bad but I always feel so embarrassed about it anyways.

To end this all off on a more positive note- I’m starting to pick up a new interest: DC. Ngl, I’m kinda terrified of it. There’s YEARS worth of comics, so many shows, so many movies, so much EVERYTHING to start looking into but I started a couple weeks ago and I’ve liked what I’ve dabbled in so far. I’m watching the og Teen Titans series from 2003 which is SICK AS HELL!! Can’t believe I never watched it when I was younger. As overwhelming as the extent of content there is, it’s also a kinda comforting, im going back to more familiar territory with completely fictional characters where I will have no guilt or fear of creating parasocial relationships. I’m also considering actually fully indulging in self-insert content with DC, make art of my s/i of them doing their thing and having superhero friends and just let me project!! Another thing I’m considering is dabbling in some writing so like headcanon bullet lists or little ficlets

But yeah I suppose a tldr of this post: I’m pretty much leaving the dsmp/mcyt fandom and I’m gonna start reblogging DC stuff to my page and making self-under content.

#dumping a lot here but I seriously doubt anyone will ever read this #sometimes I wish I was a semi-popular tumblr fanart blog but now I’m hella grateful I have almost no followers so no one will #actually look at this #inky chats #long post

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lunarsapphism · 2 years

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ok ive decided im gonna talk about the legend of zelda games bc they are encapsulating all my thoughts rn. im literally just rambling about how much i love them so its not anything particularly important so im gonna put it under the cut as to not clog up the dash

OKAY OH MY GOD first of all all of them are just so <33 playing those games are some of the only distinctly positive memories i have with my dad before i realized he was an asshole (but that’s besides the point) i grew up on those games, and played them on all the original consoles. sure, i couldn’t get very far on my own in them when i was like under six years old but they genuinely are some sort of core memory for me or something. they mean so much to me and i love them with all my heart :)

one of the first ones i remember playing is either the original legend of zelda on the gameboy or probably ocarina of time on the nintendo 64. out of all of them i think that that’s the one that has the most significance to me nostalgia-wise. i haven’t played it in ages but i just got it again for the gamecube and im soooo excited, i just need to get a new memory card for it :D i also absolutely adore wind waker, i played that for the first time in like 10 years this last summer and it was so much fun and i had the best time. the soundtrack is so good and the game is just overall really cute and fun. its one of the more lighthearted ones i think, and i thoroughly enjoyed that. i love revisiting games after a long time because you have memory of it but you get to rediscover new things about them each time and it doesn’t stop being wonderful. i wish i was able to do that with twilight princess but the gamecube disks for that game are so fucking expensive its absolutely wild how expensive that shit is

btw i’ve played the majority of the loz games but the ones i mention in this are my favorite :)

the one i like the most i think though just gameplay-wise is probably breath of the wild. the graphics are beautiful, the soundtrack absolutely fucks (tarrey town theme <3) , and i think the story is really interesting. since its open-world its super different from the other ones and that makes it so much fun. also the way that you can do the main quest and finish the game but its only 30% complete?? love that, there’s so much to do and if you don’t want to do anything at all you don’t have to. you can literally just ride around on a horse and look at the pretty views and stuff (my girlfriend does that all the time it’s so cute) and its still fun. the enemies are either challenging or just plain fun to fight, and its super entertaining to find insanely op ways to run around killing shit. fuck the lynels though i wont go near those if they’re stronger than a blue maned one. also i’ve spent hundreds of hours memorizing where stuff is (not on purpose but because i walk/climb/paraglide literally everywhere, its mentally ill behavior i know) and that makes it really fun when i’m watching someone else play it for the first time and they are trying to figure out where on the map something is cause i just know, even if its insanely obscure like one of the 900 korok seeds or random unmarked ore deposits. i dont say this to brag or whatever, im just excited :)

i can easily say that botw specifically has been a hyperfixation cause at one point for like 5 months straight i played it every day for like 4 hours (daily its not that much but i mean i was in school and that was the average, it still adds up to like 700 hours). i actually think it was the hyperfixation i had right before the dsmp and mcyts. huh.

anyway, botw my absolute fucking beloved, my most beautiful shining star i love u so much

#the sentence structure in this is absolute shit bc i am just typing my thoughts as i think them but oh well #aiilov-personal

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