#about kindness and boundaries

[the-yearning-astronaut]

.

#thinking about those posts earlier #about kindness and boundaries #i hope i can the proper balance between helping others and helping myself #cause i KNOW you cant pour from an empty cup #and you should always put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others #but gdi it's hard to not want to help #idk if its because of how i was brought up or if thats just who i am. or both. #but it hurts when i can't offer the needed supports #i hate seeing people hurting. friends. family. strangers. #doesn't matter. #but i need to find a way to step back and acknowledge that i can't fix everything for everyone else #its hard to do when you live in a house with a family dynamic like mine #because not helping makes me feel guilty but attempting to help only leaves me tired and frustrated #and with less time and energy to take care of my own needs #idk idk #its 4am #im tired but my brain is wired #as usual #i feel helpless and unhelpful #part of me wants to say i feel hopeless too but i refuse to let myself fall into the particular pit of despair #uggghhhh ok enough tag rambling its time for bed whether my head wants it or not #☉ #tbd #fox rambles

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him. #bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?'' #'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''

[royalarchivist]

Cellbit: Yeah, [Bobby is] our son.

Roier: What?

Cellbit: He's our son, no? Or not? Am I not?

Roier: I mean… he's already dead. [...] By the time we got married, he was no longer around. So in theory, in theory-

Cellbit: But in my heart, he is my son.

Roier: Oh, that's fine, in your heart, yes. In your heart, yes. But actually-

Cellbit: He could have been my son, he could have been.

Roier: But actually, he is my son and Jaiden’s.

Cellbit: Yes yes, definitely, of course.

Roier: [Smacks him] Exactly. Well, you're the step-father, you know?

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

Cellbit: Hey Tina, have you met Bobby? I don't think you did, right?

Tina: I met him a little bit earlier, he's so cute!

Roier: Aww

Tina: I told him I like StarBobby.

Cellbit: Yeah, it's our son.

Roier: What? But-

Cellbit: He's our son, no? Or not? Am I not?

Roier: I mean... he's already dead.

Cellbit: That's true, that's true.

Roier: By the time we got married, he was no longer around.

Cellbit: That's true, true.

Roier: So in theory, in theory-

Cellbit: But in my heart, he is my son.

Roier: Oh, that's fine, in your heart, yes. In your heart, yes. But actually-

Bagi: Am I the auntie?

Cellbit: He could have been my son, he could have been.

Roier: But actually, he is my son and Jaiden’s.

Cellbit: Yes yes, definitely, of course.

Roier: [Smacks him] Exactly. Well, you're the step-father, you know?

Bagi: So I don't think I'm your auntie, sorry. Unless you want to!

Cellbit: Yes, fake dad, fake dad. Fake father.

Roier: But it's ok. It's ok.

Cellbit: It's ok, it's ok.

Roier: It's this dumbass' fault he died anyways.

#Roier #Cellbit #Guapoduo #Bobby #QSMP #Saw people straight up lying about what they said during this exchange so this is just me slapping down the receipts #Roier's right though! At that point in time he and Cellbit weren't married nor did they have that kind of relationship #If Bobby hadn't died maybe Cellbit COULD'VE been some kind of guardian to him #But Bobby is; and has always been; Roier and Jaiden's son #As a side note #With how involved Roier is in fandom stuff #I'm sure he's seen how frequently Jaiden gets left out and/or replaced with Cellbit in family art #So whether this is his gentle reminder to fans or just him establishing a boundary in a relationship: Roier is based #And it's a disservice to his and Cellbit's characters to take their words out of context and/or purposefully misinterpret them #Cellbit understood where Roier was coming from and explained how he saw things #(''I could've been'' ''in my heart'' etc.) #and Roier explained his perspective #(''We weren't married yet'' ''He was already dead by then'' ''Jaiden and I are his parents'') #Communication is the foundation to any good relationship! #and Guapoduo do it well. Usually #The fandom could learn a thing or two from QSMP; aka ''Communications SMP'' #Bagi in the background going ''I'm an auntie? :D'' then ''oh no I'm not your auntie'' then ''Haha UNLESS?'' is so funny

[unhelpfulfemme]

Another thing I liked is how Laurent's trauma is handled, because usually when a character has a Secretly Traumatic Backstory there's some kind of annoyingly maudlin scene about it. Either they get into some kind of big conflict with the love interest and are forced to explain themselves so they don't get judged or dumped, or the love interest intrudes on a vulnerable moment and sees them being abused or somehow handling the consequences of that abuse, or they are explained the circumstances by a benevolent third party, and this changes their view of the abused character because now they're god's poorest meow meow and I just fucking hate it every time.

Like, this is why I stopped reading this type of story: because the amount of crowding and backing into a corner and privacy violation that happens to abused characters in order to coax them into opening up about it and reassure them that they're okay is so annoying. I feel like I've been psychologyposting on main too much lately, so I might explain later why I feel this way or I might not but in any case I hate it.

I love that this book is the literal opposite of that, that Damen not only doesn't crowd Laurent and insist that he open up, but that Damen ensuring space and privacy and time to calm down for Laurent when he's overwhelmed is repeatedly portrayed as an act of friendship and caring and love (that Laurent later reciprocates, because they both lose their heads when something pushes their buttons and understand this about each other).

I also love how Damen doesn't fall in love with Laurent because Laurent is sad and fucked up, or because he's so brave to have put up with the abuse, or because Damen too is sad like Laurent (I'm physically restraining myself from going off on a rant about how shared trauma is hardly ever a good foundation for a relationship): no, he falls in love with Laurent because he's whip-smart, and a good leader, and funny, and tender once he opens up, and a lateral thinker, and a man of integrity who keeps his promises and pays back his debts (and because he's pretty and blonde and good at sporty shit that Damen likes). Some of these things may have been shaped by the awful shit that happened to Laurent, as they were also probably shaped by his station or his education or his body type or any other circumstance of his life, but it's refreshing to have a character who went through awful shit but who also has other things going on for him that make him loveable instead of being completely defined by his trauma. And even when Damen finds out, the way he thinks about Laurent literally doesn't change at all - the things he likes about Laurent are still seen in the same light as always, Laurent's personality as a whole is still the same, even his attitude towards what Laurent did to him when they first met doesn't change much (as we see in the short story epilogue). And even this last bit is really cool because Laurent is never stripped of his agency or made out into some sort of helpless victim currently, both of which would probably mortify him with how much he's trying to establish that he's not at any opportunity.

And I also like how it's not necessary for Laurent to tell Damen about it in order for them to be close, nor does Damen push him into it. And everyone else seems to agree that it's Laurent's story to tell when and how he wants it told, except for the villain of the piece, who reveals it in the most awful way possible. This is particularly important because Damen spends three books grabbing everyone in Laurent's life by the shoulders and shaking them and going, "Why do you care about this guy??? Have you noticed that he's kind of an ashole?? Why are you loyal to him?? Why???" and no one ever says anything, because they're protective of Laurent and don't want to take away his agency or privacy because it's his fucking story to tell. Even after Damen finds out, we don't see him mention it and he probably lets Laurent open up or not on his own terms, as he does with everything else that doesn't directly concern him. Even though we've seen through Laurent's dialogue time and time again that he's probably conceptualizing it in some fucked up ways in his own head and needs yet to realize that he's not some kind of twisted pervert for what happened to him, crowding him about it before he's ready won't accomplish much.

And the story itself backs all this by never being maudlin about it even though it's obvious what happened pretty early on (I figured it out really early, I remember suspecting it almost immediately and being dead sure of it by the Ancel scene in the garden); it kind of elipses around it, gives hints and parallels to other characters in similar circumstances, has Laurent say incoherent shit that makes sense in context, has other characters hint at it, but with Laurent being one of the central characters it's cool that the story gives him that respect and doesn't wallow in the tragedy of it all.

#captive prince #I'm gonna be honest I've only read one other story where this kind of well-meaning breaking of boundaries was explicitly portrayed as bad #and it was a darth maul-centric fic of all things #special mention for my most beloathed cordelia vorkosigan pop psychology philosophy of talking at people until they #understand why they're wrong to feel bad about something #which drove me up the wall even though I liked those books

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Fellas, is it gay to keep your homoerotic reading material right next to the things that remind you of another man?

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #‘Wow what a call back’ there are many more coming B*) #If LWJ had more close friendships as a teen and young adult he would know the protocol #if you aren't showing each other the wildest kink content you stumbled upon in a group chat…are you really friends? #Lwj absolutely knows wwx went snooping and found the liquor. He set a little trap to seeing wwx would put two and two together #wwx just wants to respect lwj’s boundaries! He’d probably be *so* flustered to talk about that kind of stuff so lets not say anything #they both really suck at communication. Sending your crush the most unreadable signals should be a crime.

[sergle]

There's something about like. A certain genre of posts / Online Opinions about insecurity/depression/misery/complaints that are so unhelpful that they wrap right around to being straight up hilarious. and it's the ones that are more or less written to the tone of "Feeling bad? That's gross!" Like, just so you know, don't voice your insecurities/ have low self esteem, because that's offputting! You're gross and weird. Don't be insecure about that, though. That would be stupid if you felt insecure about people disliking you for being insecure. Not attractive. You should be thinking about being as attractive as possible. You shouldn't make comments about suicide, even if you're suicidal! Keep those thoughts entirely to yourself. Make sure nobody around you knows you're thinking about this. It would Make Them Uncomfortable. It's better to keep these thoughts in your head where they can fester. Don't post OR talk to friends with complaints about you feeling miserable or depressed. Tbh people who are sad/upset a lot? Kinda a red flag! You are probably miserable because you're a bad person and you've brought this on yourself. If you don't have friends, it's because you're awful to be around. Easy! Solved the problem for you. And no, there is no nuance to this, got it? So, make sure to feel bad about feeling bad, but don't feel bad about it, because, well, that's just gross. And annoying! You might've wanted your brain rotted thoughts to be Peer Reviewed, you might have just needed to vent- you might've been hoping for some comfort, to get things off your chest. Well, don't! Don't talk about thoughts or feelings that are negative with your friends, you'd be burdening them and that's only meant for THERAPY. #SponsoredbyBetterHelp #MentalHealth like, DAMN. that's so helpful. you're so good at helping. I um really liked the part where these are all hard and fast rules that encourage keeping feelings bottled up and keeping your friends at arm's length. That's really funny of you.

#I FEEL LIKE COMPLAINING RN in the context of this alternate universe these posts live in. that makes me evil rn. I may not even keep #the post up. but I Needed to complain about these bc I hate seeing them #really funny and good because it very much feeds into that part of the brain where you go wait am I stupid? am I horrible? am I annoying? #before you express any kind of personal feelings. from feeling insecure alll the way down the spectrum to feeling like your life is over #before anyone How Dare You Say We Piss On The Poor-s at me YES there is a nuanced version of this #which is. you can make someone feel like shit (A Fellow Sufferer Of The Mental Eelnesses) by using them as your dumping ground #in excess and usually with no regard for how they feel and without Regular conversations inbetween #and in a one-sided way where they can't do the same and complain with you as a sounding board in return #don't tell new friends you hardly know abt THE MOST personal shit you can possibly think of. there are steps being skipped here #right? we know this. we all know it. setting a boundary is a thing. overwhelming a person is a thing #on the other hand there is such a thing as a friend who IS okay to listen and wants to help. and friends who relate. #maybe talking abt personal stuff makes ppl feel closer sometimes. just a thought! maybe not everything is Emotional Labor. maybe just maybe #but like come on. these are almost intentionally unhelpful posts #long post

[biblicalhorror]

Aroace Riz real but also Fabian is SO clearly in love with him and Riz has no idea

#honestly fabian might not even fully know yet #a core part of fabians character is that he is so deeply afraid of rejection that he is never going to pursue the people he actually wants #i do think he likes Maezy a lot but i think he only knows how to pursue hot toxic women that will discard him at a moments notice #which in a way protects him from ever actually dealing with heartbreak #is he a gay man dealing with comphet? ehh maybe #i could see that #but I think the vibe i get is more about how he has these platonic friends he completely adores and is fully devoted to #and then in another category he has the people that he does not have any actual attachment to that he will allow himself to pursue #and crossing the boundaries in between those two categories or allowing himself to pursue someone he really cares for #would require a level of vulnerability he is in no way prepared for #in his home life he has an emotionally detached mother who is well liked but kind of floats through interactions on a surface level #and a father who is extremely concerned with fame and glory and attention but doesnt seem to have ever stopped moving in his life #genuinely fabian does not know what a safe loving partnership would look like #and we see him constantly oscillating between emulating his mother and his father in relationships #but just beneath the surface is a little boy who wants so badly to cling to his loved ones so tight and be squeezed right back #with no way of knowing how to even ask for that if he wanted #and riz is his best friend in the world and he knows on some level that riz is simply not interested in having that kind of relationship #not on the level fabian needs #but that also makes riz a safe target for these feelings of devotion #theyre just friends! just besties! fabian never has to reckon with his own loneliness or harmful patterns #if he channels all of his yearning for closeness onto his best friend #anyway! this boy needs therapy #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fabriz

[cutiecatsub]

so much poly advice presumes and hinges on each participant being financially independent, able to get around on their own and having their own living space. what about my married poly ppl, poly ppl with kids/dependents, poly ppl who are disabled, poly ppl with multiple nesting partners? Where are resources for my poly peeps with COMPLICATIONS

#kitten's posts #so much talk about boundaries and respect is only applicable to the first scenario and kind of weirdly emotionally detached #polyamory

[vashwood-week]

Vashwood Week 2024 will be running from May 26th-June 1st!

Day 1 / May 26th: Childhood / Partners In Crime / Werewolf AU Day 2 / May 27th: Protection / Trust / Bodyguard AU Day 3 / May 28th: Saviour / Martyr / Reincarnation AU Day 4 / May 29th: Blood / Flowers / Role Swap AU Day 5 / May 30th: Traitor / Mercy / Angel AU Day 6 / May 31st: Forgiveness / Guilt / Timeloop AU Day 7 / June 1st: T4T / Free Space

(Huge thanks to @nebulaleaf for the phenomenal graphic!)

Thank you to everyone who filled out the interest check! With your input, we have decided to run from May 26th through June 1st, incorporating some of the many wonderful prompt suggestions received via the form.

When the time comes, please tag all entries with [ # Vashwood Week ] and [ # Vashwood Week 2024 ] in order to be promoted. In addition to this, please @ MENTION THIS BLOG in all entries so that I can see and boost your work.

I will be putting a copy of our guidelines below the cut, but you can find those and more written up on our carrd so please check that out if you need a refresher.

If you're not going to stick around for those, thank you for your time! I will be posting about the week in the days leading up to it, so stay tuned for that and happy Vashwooding!

⟡ For the mod's own personal comfort, any works featuring topics of non-consent, incest, and pedophilia will not be promoted.

⟡ NSFW content will be allowed so long as it is tagged appropriately. Pieces without adequate tagging will not be promoted.

⟡ Additionally, NSFW entries should have SFW thumbnails or blurring in order to get promoted by the account.

⟡ At the risk of stating the obvious, NSFW entries created by anyone under the age of 18 will NOT be accepted and will NOT be promoted. Any minor who tries to submit NSFW will be blocked, for their own safety more than anything.

⟡ The focus of this event will be the celebration of Vash and Wolfwood's romantic relationship; as such, entries featuring them in romantic relationships with other members of the cast will not be promoted. Past relationship stuff is fine, but please keep the focus on Vashwood.

⟡ In accordance with the above bullet, the mod also will not be promoting content focusing on the platonic relationship between Vash and Wolfwood. However, queer-platonic content will be allowed and promoted.

⟡ All forms of contribution will be accepted, be that visual art, writing, edits, playlists, cosplay, etc. However, all work submitted MUST be your own. There will be a zero-tolerance policy for plagiarism and if it is found that you are passing off anyone's work as your own, you will be blocked by all affiliated accounts and disqualified from participating.

⟡ Works created with the use of AI will not be promoted.

⟡ Late entries will be accepted indefinitely, even after the week has ended, so feel free to use the prompts to their fullest extent even if you aren't able to participate during the week itself!

⟡ This event is meant to be fun! Please do not bully, harass, or disparage any of the other participants. If it is discovered that you are doing so, you will be blocked and disqualified from participating.

⟡ All kinds of queer and trans headcanons will be accepted for this event. All forms of bigotry are absolutely not allowed and if it is discovered that a participant is harassing others on the basis of LGBTQ+ headcanons... well, you know what goes here.

Regarding the last bullet, please keep in mind that the "T4T" prompt does not specify any specific kind of transness, meaning that works featuring transfem, intersex, nonbinary, etc headcanons may be featured or even prevalent in entries. I ask that we make a specific effort to prevent the normalisation of transmisogyny in fandoms and be supportive of all different headcanons.

Thank you again for the support and we look forward to seeing what you create!

#vashwood #trigun #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun stampede #trigum maximum #vashwood week #vashwood week 2024 #funny little joke i have with myself #whenever i say 'we' in these posts #and is the 'we' in the room with us lmao #special thanks to everyone who commented supportively about my boundaries regarding the specific kind of content i will be promoting #for this event specifically #EVERYBODY is allowed to participate #regardless of what is on their portfolios #but for me personally i can only interact with certain things #so i appreciate the understanding #i hope we can all have a lovely drama free week come may~

[camels-pen]

the difference between zosopp and sanuso (romantic OR platonic) is that Usopp is Zoro's specialest little guy and Zoro is someone Usopp hangs out with and looks up to and hides behind when things get scary, but Sanji and Usopp are best friends. They horse around, they beat each other up, they confide their worst fears trying to one up each other. Usopp hides behind Sanji sometimes, sure, but idk, Sanji's weaknesses are more obvious (bugs, fighting women, etc) so there are times when Usopp has to stand in front of Sanji too, yknow?

Like, how do I say this, all the crewmates are equal- Usopp and Zoro are equals- but with Sanji it feels like more... comradery? Zoro's a rock in a terrible storm- even rocks tend to get weathered and chipped and worn down, but they overall stay strong and steady. He has trouble being vulnerable and there are times when the burden he's placed on himself to keep the crew safe is crushing his chest. Usopp would help with that and be very understanding, but the point I'm trying to get with that is that those moments are few and far between. So I feel like Usopp, especially after Water 7, would take Zoro's lead on something like that, and keep most of his worries to himself or only talk about them sparingly unless they're really bad and/or he can't hide them.

Sanji is like a tree in a storm; he can be strong, yes, but it feels like he bends and sways with the storm, and has more obvious breaking points. He can relate more to Usopp's struggles rather than resorting to blunt honesty that might border on callous like Zoro. And while, with Zosopp, I tend to think of scenarios with Zoro being blunt like that as a good thing- because sometimes when you're spiraling, it's nice to have someone say exactly what's great about you and shoot down all your worries with straight facts that you can't argue with- I can also see this as being a bad thing. Anxiety can really twist up your brain sometimes, you know? And despite the words, the tone could still mess someone up if they're already feeling like a burden on others in some way.

With Sanuso it's a lot more understanding and thoughtful words. It's distractions and comfort food and patience- the kind reserved for Usopp- until Usopp talks about whatever's troubling him. Compared to Zosopp, it doesn't take as long for Usopp to open up, since he's done the same thing to Sanji at times and it's more familiar to him to talk and commiserate with Sanji about his worries and doubts and such. However, there are times stuff like this has absolutely no effect and Sanji will end up at a loss, no idea what to do or how to help over the course of several days with Usopp being quiet and keeping his distance, and he'll end up working himself up about it which will only serve to make Usopp feel worse and. yeah. bit of a vicious cycle with them.

So it's like. Usopp can be weak with both of them, but since I see Sanji as the type of guy who'd be more open with his worries (at least compared to Zoro), there's less of a need to 'perform' and be his best self around him. He's comfortable around Zoro, yes, but he is constantly wanting to show that he won't be a problem to him. On the other hand, while he's more open with Sanji, and Sanji with him, they tend to relate a bit too much with each other and they both have issues with causing trouble for others and being 'deserving of love' so failed attempts at consoling one hurts the other and creates an unpleasant cycle of misery and avoidance before some other crewmate (Zoro) tells them to quit being stupid and just fucking talk to each other.

#one piece #sanuso #zosopp #long post #nemotime #does this make sense or is this the ramblings of a person who's only got 3 hrs sleep #bc thats me. 3 hrs sleep. ugh #listen okay its like. zosopp has their own growing pains to get through yknow? zoro will eventually get the whole #'oh usopp isnt as open with me bc he wants to seem tough and is also kind of doing the same thing i do. thats bad for him' #and it'll be a whole thing about making a promise between the two of them to try and be more honest with their fears and seeking help #when they need it #the sanuso thing is like. i hope i didnt mean to make it seem like sanuso is 'better' or w/e bc its just a different thing #sanuso got their own problems to sort out. 1. Sanji's everything 2. boundaries on special treatment- #i'm not gonna go seriously into this but both relationships start out not the best and get better over time yknow #also i know usopp's afraid and freaking out a lot but for this post i meant his deeper fears and insecurities #not 'i've got can't-go-on-this-island disease' lmao #the tl;dr of this post is: Usopp is more closed off with Zosopp. Usopp and Sanji have similar issues that cause problems with Sanuso. #also the way i see these ships will probably change at some point. who knows #there was a post i saw recently that was like 'hey sanuso bc romance trio were already chill with each other so sanuso became chill with #each other in an 'alone together' type of way and also they have the same issues' and i thought 'wow so true bestie' and here we are #also. man. usopp taking on / copying the behaviours of his loved ones regardless of his age is just. my jam. in a positive or negative way #maybe i'll make a post about that explaining it more. maybe

[dailydegurechaff]

Today's Daily Degurechaff is… hangin with other peepaw

#something about rudersdorf just gives me the vibe that hes like the most irresponsible grandparent in the world #like to the point its a miracle the kid isnt injured any time he has them #the kind of grandpa whos like “can i have the kid on new years i bought some fireworks i want to do with them” #and knowing him youre like “...fine BUT theyre not allowed to handle the big ones got it? they can watch but no messing with it themself” #and you think thats a sufficient boundary. but later u find out he brought the kid to the gun range to set off explosives #no winning. #dailydegurechaff #youjo senki #the saga of tanya the evil #tanya von degurechaff #kurt von rudersdorf #rudersdorf

[inkskinned]

it's hard for me to hold anger. it is a terrifying emotion to me - i flinch so easily. i don't like how quickly it spirals out of control. i feel selfish when i cut people off, stand up for myself - i feel like i am making mountains out of molehills.

any time i lash out, i wonder: am i turning into him? i give people too-many-chances, telling others: well, i might have overreacted. i shut down. bite my tongue. i hate that, at some point, i can be goaded into reacting, into letting go. i hate who i am when i'm angry - someone mean, quick-tongued, willing to cut to bone.

i am angry about what happened to me. i am angry about the ways other people saw what was happening and allowed it to continue. i am angry for the ways it was excused. for the ways i never got an apology, nor should i ever expect one. i am angry i let myself get used. i am angry for the ways i wasted my time and the ways i let myself be fooled. i am angry knowing - you don't care what you did to me. i am angry knowing - you'd rather burn apart our connection than actually consider my feelings.

i feel this anger tangled, brewing, constant - that i will never be able to reach a peace about it, because the anger just bristles, flaring in the center of it. i'm terrified of it - what if this is who i really am, and everything else is just veneer? if i really want to main & hurt & tear down until i have rendered the world into ice?

any impulse i have for self-preservation has become shadowed in a strange selflessness instead. maladaptive, i give and give and give, worried that i might be mistaken for someone who would take without asking. i owe so many current friendships to people who accepted my apologies and who gave me second chances - who am i to ever deny someone the right try again? when in the back of my head the kicked dog snarls a warning - she is lying - i turn my head. i tell the dog to shush. i tell the dog not to bite. i say we lie too sometimes. i say we will try to be honest and good and whole and if we are very-perfect, we'll never have to fight. i would rather lie down and accept the blow than be the one wielding the knife.

my sister sighs on the phone with me last night. you always go too far with patience, and let too many people use you.

i am worried i am a creature of extremes. that if i unleash, i will spill out, fill the room with smoke, destroy everything. i sigh too and tell her: well, but i don't wanna be mean.

#spilled ink #poetry #warm up #this is kind of hard to communicate but i'm tryna say this thing about like #how anger can be super protective #but if ur a trauma survivor #it's a super complicated emotion to feel #bc it can feel really dangerous #and also as someone with mental illness #im ALWAYS worried #''im taking this too far'' #also as an adhd kid like our fear of perception is SO SO SO raw #so like... i'd rather come off too nice and adaptive #than mean #even tho there's. nothing mean about setting boundaries or #reacting to the ways people hurt you #alas ..... my brain doesn't understand this

[theminecraftbee]

actually i’ll say one thing about the pearl situation. which is that while the “creator boundary” discussion is important, i want it known and recognized that the actual problem with this whole situation had nothing to do with that. it was that everyone immediately started catastrophizing, harassing people, and generally making asses of themselves. pearl and op both had a normal conversation; it is everyone else that has been utterly unable to conduct themselves with any grace. “don’t harass people” is an easy bar to clear, and yet, here we are. absolutely nothing has changed; we are at the exact same status quo as we were yesterday morning. there’s no reason everyone should be panicking. everyone’s just shown how much of asses they can be over nothing, and, frankly, i am embarrassed to have witnessed it.

#discourse #the creator boundary discussion is important but PLEASE understand what the actual problem at hand is. please. please. #..anyway for the record still probably won't answer asks about this. this falls under 'i don't talk about discourse unless i'm pissed off' #just. everyone be kind #IT'S THE WORLD'S EASIEST BAR TO CLEAR. AND YET. HERE WE ARE

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

like i see people say stuff like “rei is a deconstruction of the idea of like the perfect girl in a male gaze-y way” and and i'm ready to agree until they go “it’s because she’s creepy and weird and bad!” like no. rei's a deconstruction of misogynistic ideas of womanhood because they’re ideals forced upon her that damage her, not because she’s in any way “creepy”. like, the fact she’s a fourteen year old girl who was basically used as a substitute wife by her father bc she looked like his own dead wife is not something that is meant to make rei look bad like holy shit.

like both rei and asuka are very obviously like. showing fantasised and misogynistic ideas of an idealised woman don’t work irl yeah. shinji's misogynistic view of them is wrong. but that’s not because rei and asuka are bad people it’s because like. “fourteen year old who's flirty and seductive” and “fourteen year old who's a quiet obedient object” are major signs of abuse and trauma and anyone actually acting in those ways at that age clearly isn’t normal. asuka is desperate for attention in any way she can get it, even unhealthy and dangerous ways. rei is at the very least I has a weird pseudo-incestous enmeshment filled abusive relationship with her father, even if she's not actively being sexually abused. asuka is seeking support, rei is a grooming victim. these are not things that are flaws in their character the entire point of subverting the expectations is to show how those expectations are unhealthy to rei and asuka like. god.

#like. negative fucking media literacy. #like. rei and asuka show signs of abuse in ways very normal for teenagers #every one of the Children in Evangelion is a victim and they react in messy ways #the point of that isn’t to show that they themselves are bad. it’s to show how trauma fucks you up #like none of them are bad people! they do fucked up shit bc it’s normalised to them! #people will just centre rei and asuka’s trauma around shinji and then call the show misogynistic for that like. #woah pal. there’s issues in the show yeah but i think that’s more an issue on your end buckaroo. #like their trauma interacts with him. and his trauma interacts with them. bc the show is literally about human's influences on each other #like the human instrumentality project isn’t there to just be funny it’s a thematic conclusion??? #and also like. it’s comparing and contrasting all threes trauma to understand exactly how they got shaped the way they are. #just. think about the show you’re watching. please. #rei isn’t creepy she’s a schizophrenic abuse victim who's probably done the least screwed up shit out of the main cast #shinji isn’t a loser he's a heavily mentally ill young boy cracking under the pressure of toxic masculinity and having his boundaries erode #until he's unable to even respect the boundaries of others and recreates his trauma for a desperate attempt at control #asuka isn’t like. okay i mean she IS a bitch but literally so is every thirteen year old ok. #and it’s bc she fucking despises the vulnerability being kind shows. she despises herself and is overcompensating bc she’s scared and 13 #like. god.

[carefulfears]

the way that when mulder sees his dad in colony he reaches out to hug him

and gets cut off with a handshake

is so sad to me because the next time that mulder goes to see his dad, in anasazi, he instantly shakes his hand

he just notices and internalizes everything around him and the way people respond to him and what people want from him, and moments like this where he’s remembering and acting out of that learned information, are so telling

#it’s what’s so sad about how genuinely kind and compassionate he is #and how much he trusts and believes in practically everyone #because he SEES the world and he understands it and he takes in the way that people treat him #and he’s literally never been anything but neglected and abused #not since samantha and until scully #he observes and notices literally everything and alters his behavior and intentions accordingly #but none of the horrible things that he sees or that he internalizes being done to him make him stop just loving the world #and being dedicated to people #you know????? #y’all know what i’m trying to say???? #he also is so cognizant of taking notice of people’s boundaries and what they want his place in their life to be #it makes me so crazy that he remembers and knows that his dad doesn’t want to hug him #and he still reaches his hand out first #to give that connection that his dad /is/ open to #anasazi #colony #txf.txt

[perfectlyripeclementine]

stopping what you’re doing to feel them push into your touch 💓

when they’re between “too much” and “more, please” and their mouth hangs open so you start again softer and slower 💖

when they tell you to ease up so you switch to a touch that is more tender in some other place and cherish them and tell them how good they’re being 💕

when you look up to them as you start doing something new and they give you that little nod and a guidance, like “be gentle”, “not too fast” 💗

asking them to beg for something they feel tender about when you’re doing it for the first time so you’re sure they truly want it and are not just going along with it 💝

all the little moments that are exploratory and center your partner’s pleasure and give them agency over what you’re doing even when you are in a more dominant role ❣️❤️‍🔥❤️

#that last ask had me feeling all kinds of tender #if u need sex to go very slow with a lot of trust building i love u #if u need to know the hands that hold u will be tender and sweet i love u #i love finding sweet and tender ways to explore pleasure together #i love making boundaries a place of invitation and safety rather than discomfort #i love being trusted to do things that people are nervous about #i love holding my trust firmly in both palms and doing my best continue earning it #this post is about queer sex #nblnb #genderless nsft #nb4nb #genderless #yearning