#a mix of poetry and prose tbh

[lungfishpoem]

Woah huge IMSCARED text/analysis I made...

Tbh this is like, a mix of many many texts and analyses I made. Because Eh. Have fun!

I feel like people have a tendency, when it comes to indie horror games, to be really interested in a story, in a narrative. When you search for videos about these games, you may sometimes see something different, but they are mostly "what happened". This obsession with a narrative, with a prose, isn't necessarily bad.

IMSCARED is a game that doesn't fit in a proper narrative. It has themes, and ideas, and traces of a small sequence of events. But is it like prose? No. It isn’t even a narrative poem. IMSCARED is a free verse, non-narrative piece of poetry made out of mixed media.

It may seem odd, to call a videogame poetry. And it is! It doesn’t have the structure of a poem... And it does seem a little bit exaggerated, pretentious to call it that. And it is! But isn’t a little bit of pretentiousness-filled analyses good for your mind? I think it is.

The text files, the little bits of dialogue. They're all compressed in small, cut, separated phrases.

Take the first parts of White Face's breakdown in consideration:

"I begged You and You ignored my request

What do You think will happen next?

You made this game unplayable

I made this game unplayable

I don't want You to kill me

I will live here forever

I will look at You forever

I don't want to die

I'm scared"

This specific little quirk of short spasms of text present in IMSCARED only helps in the classification of it as poetry, like, at the very least in some bits of it. And isn’t that cool?

It isn’t a narrative (although, as I mentioned, poetry can, well, narrate things)... so, well, of course IMSCARED videos and such tend to be... poor.

There isn’t much to talk about in the sense of story. And people want stories. So they tell, well, stories. But IMSCARED isn’t a story, it's, as the complete name suggests, "a pixelated nightmare".

And, a pixelated nightmare. But whose? It definitely is the player's, and it is not groundbreaking to say it is White Face's too. But what is it so scared about?

White Face has nothing. Not its room, not its own program. It, itself, is all there is. Everything is White Face and nothing is outside of it. This is the absolute state of loneliness. The infinite "I". Even the player, who has a consciousness of their own, used the entity's digital body. However, even if You possesses a fragment of White Face's (un)body, the situation is too new. It has never seen that, the "other" with a consciousness of their own, and if it has, it has been a long time since that happened, a long, long, digital and uncontable time. White Face is NOT used to this. It doesn't know how to interact with this "other". So, You becomes everything to it. It doesn't NEED to feel LOVE. It isn't NECESSARILY love. It's a mixture of obsession, curiosity, surprise and happiness, but most important of all: fear. I can't see love in White Face's relationship with You, it's strong, strong fear. Horror. It's a nightmare. It is so scared. So scared.

It's not only the strangeness of interaction, but the fear of abandonment. The game is filled of desperate attempts to catch You's attention. The fear is so great that White Face morphs itself into something else, Her, trying to hook You with a story, a beautiful figure, a different personality. Her is an attempt to be stronger, she is stronger, she is bolder (chases You and feels no fear in telling You to kill her). But this act of morphing is agonizing, because the lack of fear creates agony in the fear entity's heart. So it screams. It screams so loudly you can't tell if it's laughing, crying, happy, sad... angry? It's full of anger. Having a body it deems ideal and real (flesh, bleeding. Closer to You) is too much. So she wants to die. And White Face has no word in it, because it created too much, and so it became (almost) completely separated from it. But how?

White Face divides itself to fill the void of the cold, lonely digital world. Everything is White Face and White Face is everything. Because... well... IMSCARED is a program that holds White Face. It's an entity turned into data, and the data is the game and the game is the data. That's why when You kill it... the world is different. The world becomes a cadaver, a huge, huge cadaver. It doesn't hold fear anymore, it holds nothing, which is why it is brighter (fearless) but empty (nothingness). But White Face doesn't have that much control over the world, the things it creates. They become organs that you can't really control, but they are a part of you, they're still there, still in you. This is Her. She was created and then slowly split herself from White Face, although she was still it and it was still her. She couldn't handle the agony as an immitation of flesh and blood, and begged to die (but not without a fight). But then... the gun which (who) killed her... is also White Face (exemplified by the player having White Face's face)...

This is very scary, to be holding the gun but not the (Your) nerve of the finger that pulls the trigger. But this other... the "other" is great! White Face has never been happier! But it has never been more scared. It is, again, a horrifying mixture of feelings.

"Play with me forever. I love you" doesn't contradict White Face's fear. It proves its confusion and need to stay with You. Stay with it. Please don't make the fear stop, being scared seems so much better than being lonely.

#imscared #white face #her imscared

[ravensgard]

book recs! tagged by @rosenfey & @jennystahl. blows kisses to both of you <3 i'll tag @a-treides, @katsigian, @dekarios, @shellibisshe, @devilbrakers, and @frankensteined.

last book you read. the salt grows heavy by cassandra khaw.

horror/fantasy, kind of a little mermaid retelling? i had mixed feelings about it. there was definitely an interesting plot in there, but i thought it was bogged down by purple prose. felt more like a challenge to write the prettiest sentences possible - and there were v lovely lines! - than a story at times.

book you recommend. fight club by chuck palahniuk.

hard q, but i went with this one because i feel like the reputation the movie + it's fans have makes people avoid it. i could repeat all the soundbites about it being a brilliant satire & criticque of toxic masculinity (especially if you read the narrator as closeted) but tbh... i'm reccing it because i think it's fun. that's really it.

book you couldn't put down. bunny by mona awad.

disclaimer: i've seen this one hyped as the weirdest shit you'll ever read in your life but i didn't think it was that weird. lower your expectations. i did like it enough to finish in three days, though. idk what to say about it that won't spoil the plot— kinda heathers meets frankenstein? more eerie than scary.

book you've read twice or more. the queen's thief series by megan whalen turner.

society if this was the old school ya fantasy that blew up on booktok instead of shatter me: ☀️🌊🌳 i read this one back in high school and it rewired my brain permanently. attolia irene is the only girlboss that matters. i come back to it every few years (rereading book 4 now) & i think it still holds up.

book on your tbr. last call at the hotel imperial by deborah cohen.

it's a non-fiction about a group of reporters that covered ww2. i picked it up randomly at a bookstore because the cover was pretty, lol.

book you've put down. the priory of the orange tree by samantha shannon.

i know i'd love it if i finished but it's just so long. 😭 i've tried like three times and i always lose steam about halfway through. at this point i'll finish it by 2050.

book on your wishlist. hollow places by christopher hadley.

ambie actually recced this to me ages ago and i've been dying to read it. it sounds so interesting! but it's not available as an ebook or at my library, and i'm banned from buying physical books until i get through my stupidly tall tbr stack. one day.

favorite book from your childhood. howl's moving castle by diana wynne jones.

nobody is surprised. it's probably my favorite book of all time. a+ vibes, characters, romance, everything. i own three copies and refuse to get rid of any. if i could find an autographed version, i'd own four.

book you would give a friend. interview with the vampire by anne rice.

i need you all to become obsessed with lestat & louis and then watch the amc series so it gets renewed for season 3. please & thank you.

book of poetry or lyrics you own. time is a mother by ocean vuong.

haven't read it yet, but i've heard great things!

nonfiction book you own. girl sleuth: nancy drew and the women who created her by melanie rehak.

goes into the creation of nancy drew & how it evolved through the years, especially how it was shaped by the original ghostwriter and the daughter of the creator, and their decades-long beef with each other. i came out of it with a parasocial grudge against a woman who died in 1982.

what you're currently reading. a conspiracy of kings by megan whalen turner.

book 4 of the queen's thief series. crown prince sophos has been kidnapped and sold into slavery and it's all very dramatic.

what you're planning on reading next. moby dick by herman melville.

i've never gotten around to this one and i feel like i have to eventually. there's a 75% chance i'll get sidetracked and pick up something totally different, though.

#tag games

[tricoloured-cat]

what better way to procrastinate than to write random stuff

reviewing the works that the abilities were based on

Part 1: Armed Detective Agency

I just realized that I've finally read all the works attributed to the abilities of the author's BSD counterparts, at least for the ADA. I plan to do this for all organizations in the BSD universe so I can direct my reading and actually finish something HAHA

DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert on literature, let alone Japanese literature, and my short reviews are solely my opinion as a casual reader. These are all for fun so please don't take these so seriously!

Nakajima Atsushi Ability: Beast Beneath the Moonlight Original Work: Moon Over the Mountain

This short story has the vibes of a folktale but with existential dread sprinkled throughout. The prose is calm but the agony still reverberates. I liked this more than I though I would, perhaps because of how clean it felt. Honestly this would be one of the OG works I'd recommend to a BSD fan who wants to try classic Japanese literature.

Dazai Osamu Ability/Original Work: No Longer Human

This is probably the one novel/work most BSD fans would pick up first - and for a good reason. The themes are pretty universal albeit heavy, the tone of the narrator throughout the entire novel is gripping, the translation by Donald Keene is very readable, and it's just in the most general sense a summary of Dazai-sensei's own life. The last point must be taken with a grain of salt, however, as he's a master liar - something you'll find out if you dig more into his life and other works. If you'd like to see depression in book form, this is for you.

Kunikida Doppo Ability: Doppo Poet Original Work: Doppo Collection (probably)

Here's a case of "I can't really find the original work so I'll be reviewing something else instead"

Reviewing: Those Unforgettable People

I chose to talk about this one since it's the one found in the Penguin Anthology. It's an interesting mix of forms: technically, it's a short story. However, the elements of poetry and even of the essay are present - mostly the latter, tbh. Of course the whole "ideal" thing is such a Kunikida-sensei thing that it appears it almost every story he wrote, yet somehow in this one you'll have to squint a little bit more to see it. The point of this story-essay-poem thing is at the very end (the first half is quite dragging imo) is what gives it a little oomph, but honestly I much prefer his other works (specifically Old Gen and Death).

Tanizaki Jun'ichirou Ability/Original Work: Sasameyuki

You like a slow burn? You like pain? Familial drama? Maybe you'll like this. Maybe you won't. It's a mammoth of a book that feels like a series of extremely detailed telenovela episodes - not that it's necessarily a bad thing. I enjoyed it despite the length because the way it ends, although hardly strong at all, ties the themes and messages of the novel cleanly into a single scene.

Miyazawa Kenji Ability/Original Work: Be Not Defeated by the Rain

It's a poem every Japanese elementary student would know. The message and style is so simple yet beautiful (I read Sulz's translation). It's joyful and so sunny... until I read the background on it. I cried over his work. Again. (Night on the Galactic Railroad PLS) Man I just love this author so much. But I'm not really a poem person to begin with, so take this review with a grain of salt HAHA

Yosano Akiko Ability/Original Work: Thou Shalt Not Die

The only complete translation I could find is written in painfully archaic English, so I won't comment on the style HAHA. But I do think the original was just as pointed in its words and message; its anti-war sentiments and middle finger to the Japanese emperor and military (at the time) so characteristically Yosano-sensei. It's sad she'd support WW2 later on - come on sensei WHY

Personally, however, I prefer her shorter poems, specifically the ones from River of Stars. But I'm not really a poem person to begin with, so take this review with a grain of salt HAHA

Izumi Kyouka Ability: Demon Snow Original Work: Demon Pond

It's been a while since I've read a play, and perhaps that's why I had a hard time getting through the first half - either that or it was quite lackluster as most of the actual story happens in the second half. Its influences from folktales and traditional Japanese theater (i.e. kabuki and noh) are very apparent - I wish I could have seen it instead of read it because of that. I think this is the first work of Kyouka's that I actually liked (I've read some of his short stories and one of his other plays) so I'll definitely recommend this one if you want to start with this author. There's also a movie adaptation of it that I haven't watched yet (but I do plan to). I think it could be much better than just reading it as is because of the visuals and mood setting, but a review on that soon. Maybe.

Fukuzawa Yukichi Ability: All Men Are Created Equal Original Work: An Encouragement of Learning (Sec. 1-2)

I couldn't be bothered to read the whole thing, but the essence of the ability only comes from the first two sections (which I'll be reviewing).

It's an essay that imo serves as a good introduction to Fukuzawa's philosophy. His views and arguments are built primarily on morality with logic acting mostly as a way to expound on his points. It's interesting, nothing really new for a contemporary reader, but at least it gives a nice background on the changing environment during the early years of Meiji-era Japan. Of course there are personal biases here (specifically the one with China - one of the greatest criticisms against Fukuzawa, even though he was supposedly progressive for his time) but imo that reflects some views of many Japanese at the time - not that they're right, of course.

But what about our special non-gifted boi?

I guess let's look at what one of the episodes was based on instead lol

Edogawa Ranpo Episode: The Murder on D. Street (S01E05) Original Work: The Case on D. Hill

I will tell you now: they have almost NO similarities whatsoever. Doesn't mean it's bad tho...

Okay ngl I was pretty disappointed HAHA. It's the same type of disappointment I had with Poe's Murders on the Rue Morgue (which was ironically referenced in the story) but it at least had some sense to it. I blame myself for not seeing it coming tho, given that this story is very typical of Edogawa-sensei. If you do plan to read it, however, be warned that there are implicit (?) themes that may be uncomfortable for some readers (this warning applies to most of Edogawa-sensei's work not made specifically for children HAHA).

#bsd #japanese literature #dazai osamu #nakajima atsushi #kunikida doppo #edogawa ranpo #yosano akiko #miyazawa kenji #fukuzawa yukichi #tanizaki junichirou #izumi kyouka

[jon-withnoh]

Hello! Hope this isn't a bother, but do you have any tips for thinking up plots? I mean for the whole story. Reading Nie Wirst made me want to try to write something longer, but I'm a bit lost since all I've ever written are short one-shots or drabbles. Again, hope this isn't bothering you, feel free to ignore it! Also, this goes without saying but I'm looking forward to the sequel if you do write it

Hi! I love this question, thank you for asking it 😊 I'm pretty sure you'd get a variation of answers depending on who you ask, so my way might not necessarily work for you. (I'm thinking of this as a fun Pick&Mix of things that work for me and might work for others.)

My strategies differ for different kinds of writing. When I'm working on a poetry collection, it sometimes takes years to accumulate enough individual poems that fit together for me to start working on the arc or through-line of that collection. This just for context, since you did ask me about prose.

Whether for fanfiction or original fiction, I've found that I can only keep up my motivation for a longer piece if I am absolutely obsessed with it. Was wird aus uns was born from the immediate aftermath of me seeing Rebecca in Vienna, reading the book and pretty much every single fic on Ao3 and just needing those two fools to be okay. That one really came out of pure obsession. Nie wirst Du was a lot more considered and since the plot is quite complex, I did plan things ahead of time.

I'm going to try and sum up some of the things that I need in order to sustain my focus for a longer piece of writing under the cut!

I need to be absolutely obsessed with the initial idea. No matter how interesting a concept or fic idea is in theory, if it doesn't have that spark of obsession I might toss it around in my head for fun, but I won't actually write it. If an idea doesn't grip me enough that I'm constantly looking forward to the next plot point I'm "working towards", then I'll get bored and abandon the piece. This is especially true for fic. For Was wird aus uns, the first plot point everything was moving towards was their first kiss. Then Christmas, and then, finally, Danny's collapse and the changes that it brought. With Nie Wirst Du, I was constantly hooked, tbh. It's a little bit like a soap opera in that it has many twists and turns, very complicated relationship dynamics and many big feelings. Some plot points I was working towards there were the tea party and the costume ball. Once I knew what the fallout from the ball was going to be, I had a much better idea of how things would continue to escalate develop.

I figured out how I need to approach plot. A friend of mine is a hardcore plotter with detailed outlines, diagrams and everything. I used to try and approach plot like that with the result that by the time I'd thought everything through, I was bored and didn't actually write the story anymore. The thing I do is apparently called pantsing. It means I know the inciting incident of the story, maybe a few major plot points and I have at least a vague idea of how I want it to end. There is an overarching structure, but it's loose enough that it keeps me interested. I can decide to add or take away smaller plot elements without having to do major rewrites.

There needs to be a drive to the story. I need a sense of movement when I'm writing. Even if a story is set entirely in one place, there needs to be some undercurrent of change or development. If the story feels static, I don't have any way of getting a character from point A to point B.

I write the things I want to see. If you find yourself looking through Ao3 thinking "I wish someone had written about xyz", then that might be a sign for you to write the fic you're looking for! For example, I needed a happy ending for Danny and Ich, so I wrote one. Then I became really interested in learning more about Rebecca as a character. Who is she outside of the stories being told about her? To find that out, I needed a story where she was alive and since I didn't want to write a prequel, the idea for Nie Wirst Du was born.

I hope this was somewhat help or at least interesting! It also really helps to have a person who's just as excited about your story idea as you are. They might ask you questions you hadn't considered and give you a whole new insight into what you're writing. Feel free to ask more questions about this if you want. This was really fun!

#rebecca das musical #my fic #writing stuff #plot #nie wirst du mir ganz gehören #was wird aus uns wenn man ihn hängt #I have no idea how long this post is #i'm writing it on my phone on the bus

[distort-opia]

Hiiii, is it annoying to ask you for some reading recommendations from your country?? 😅 I study literature so I will inhale pretty much anything you give me: poems, scripture, myths, essays on ANY topic, neat articles and studies, love letters, philosophy, oral tradition, books of course... Whatever you like :)

Hey! No, not at all, I appreciate the interest.

Romania does have some great writers that are worth reading. For poetry, if you're interested in a thorough overview, "Romanian Poetry from its Origins to the Present: A Bilingual Anthology" by Daniel Ioniță, Daniel Reynaud, & Adriana Paul would be a good start. I personally favor the modernists, and especially the symbolists; Tudor Arghezi, George Bacovia, Ion Minulescu, Nichita Stănescu, Lucian Blaga... Ion Barbu too, on occasion. And even though he's considered an icon of romanticism, Mihai Eminescu (THE Romanian poet) also has some poems I really like -- Memento Mori especially, which you should be able to find in the anthology. By Bacovia, I really like the poem Ideas, hope it's in there. I couldn't find any translation online, but this is my favorite part (with the caveat it's me translating):

This'll give you an idea of what Bacovia is like, at least. God, so much of his poetry relies on how it sounds though, and translation is really difficult.

When it comes to prose, the following books aren't a comprehensive taste of Romanian literature; however, I tried to mix classics with books I more personally liked:

The Hatchet, by Mihail Sadoveanu

The Spider Web, by Cella Serghi

The Town with Acacia Trees, by Mihail Sebastian

Desert Forever, by Octavian Paler

Forest of the Hanged, by Liviu Rebreanu

Ciuleandra, by Liviu Rebreanu

The Lucky Mill, by Ioan Slavici

The Procustean Bed, by Camil Petrescu

The Most Beloved of Earthlings, by Marin Preda

La Medeleni, by Ionel Teodoreanu

Lorelei, by Ionel Teodoreanu

Invitation to Waltz, by Mihail Drumeș

Diary of a Short-Sighted Adolescent, by Mircea Eliade

Nineteen Roses, by Mircea Eliade

Nostalgia, by Mircea Cărtărescu

Travesti, by Mircea Cărtărescu

Tbh, if you can find anything translated by these authors, it might be interesting to read.

We also also have some cool philosophers. You might've heard of existentialist Emil Cioran, from which I recommend "A Short History of Decay", but he has other books translated worth reading. Then there's Lucian Blaga who's also delved into philosophy, and Mircea Eliade, who's actually world-renowned for his "History of Religious Ideas". I also recommend "The Sacred and the Profane" by him.

For more cultural analysis, might be fun to read "History and Myth in Romanian Consciousness" by Lucian Boia. And for a book on history, "A Brief Illustrated History of Romanians" by Neagu Djuvara might be interesting, since it's a bit lighter.

This got longer than I expected! If you do get through these, I hope you have fun. I admire your zest for reading and for widening your horizon, it's great that you want to sample works from all kinds of cultures as part of your degree.

#asks #book recs #dacă citește vreun român asta și vrea să adauge chiar vă rog. n-am mai prea citit chestii recente

[worldsentwined]

Five things you might find in my fics

Tagged by @the-lincyclopedia, thank you! Trying to focus on things from the past couple years because at this point I can't even remember what is in some of the older stories.

Jokes or references I put in there specifically to make myself laugh

Pining. SO much pining

Romantic or character arcs that develop alongside larger societal issues (this is mostly a thing in my original fic tbh)

Prose mixed with other writing formats (poetry, text messages, letters)

Hopeful endings

And I will tag...let's see, @baladric, @minutia-r, @astridbecks, @kiwisoap, @notapaladin and anyone else who wants to do this!

#tag memes

[straycatboogie]

2023/07/25 English

BGM: Underworld - Bruce Lee

Although this idea could sound ridiculous, today I thought what can be "the book as my homebase" suddenly. The book which would satisfy my life completely. The only one book... I am now 48. I start feeling that I am losing my vitality or toughness to check new books out. The books which would stay together with me from now... then, for me, they would be the "Tractatus Logico-philosophicus" and "Philosophical Investigations" by Wittgenstein. I also can add the collections of poetry by Shuntaro Tanikawa, or the works by Haruki Murakami or Koutarou Sawaki. Today I did my work, and at my lunchtime I wrote my poetry with reading Shuntaro Tanikawa's poems. I can see that my interest in reading has gone out of the trend. Once, I had tried to own the "book review blog" with my reviews. But now I have no interest in new releases so just I have been digging my hole. Although I want to read the hot book, Saou Ichikawa's Akutagawa awarded one, I am finding that my interest seems to arrive some "old-fashioned" and "evergreen" one.

Yes... Recently I become really "conservative". I don't want to do any adventure in reading. Instead of that, I just want to read Fernando Pessoa's "The Book of Disquiet" and Atsuko Suga to get comforted even though I have read them many times. I want to enjoy "that" feeling of their works... I even have read the "The Book of Disquiet" five times, but I can't get bored with it. I heard that we will be able to read the new biography about him soon (it will appear in the bookstores in this August). I want to check his footsteps. But... in my life, what will happen? It's "God only knows". For example, I couldn't expect that I would start writing my poetry inspired by Shuntaro Tanikawa. So it would happen that some accidental events would come and I might start reading Souseki Natsume. All I can do is just to open my mind, open myself to the world for those kinds of accidents. Throwing away my tiny smartness, just opening myself with the Bruce Lee's saying "Don't fight it, feel it". Then the coming things would entertain me, and might afford me the ideas of my poetry. It even would decorate my life.

Now I want to write the proses like Pessoa's "The Book of Disquiet" because I can never write any novels of mine. If I tried to write that, then I would have to keep on facing the same theme at least one year so I need the steadiness. I don't have that. Today, after my work, I went to the library to borrow Daigaku Horiguchi's anthology of his poetry translation. And until the beginning time of the English conversation class, I read Shuntaro Tanikawa's poems at the food court at AEON. I had a sympathy with his honest, sincere attitude of facing the words and writing his poetry... and I thought I had experienced a lot of languages. I have been through the diversity of Japanese. From any classical, elegant Japanese to frank, pop Japanese. My poetry, my Japanese must come through the mixed state of those Japanese languages. But, it seems for me that I am basically empty even though I look inside myself. This might mean I am honest. I write the ad-lib, readymade poems without any certain themes. That's OK for me. Following my mind's movement... Especially, now is just a "training" or "beginning" period. If I could keep on writing in my 50s and 60s, then I might be able to write a masterpiece. I have to do practice right now.

And this evening, I went to the English conversation class. This lesson is the last one in this season, so we brought our sweets/snacks and spent the time with playing "Jeopardy". A member brought to there with Jelly which contains plum. I enjoyed that, but I learned that she had used alcohol with it so I confessed as "I'm sorry, TBH I am alcohol addicted". I also said that "I can't drink amazake (a kind of Japanese alcohol), then it surprised her. After that game, we took a group photo. After going back to my home, I uploaded rewritten today's poem, and read Shuntaro Tanikawa again... I have a paradoxical character. I get bored with anything easily but I also become maniac about something. This is a character of autism... I can't tell the reason why. By the way, what would I want to do "after" writing these poems? Of course, I want to enrich my poetry blog, but I also want to achieve something... Caring the food, quitting alcohol, and starting walking. Keeping my body healthy. My poetry would come from that kind of stoic life... I am now living Haruki's life or I am already living a "retirement" life?

Our Time, Our Generation

My elder sister once loved a protest singer a lot She said "Can't you see? His songs are really great and hot" Indeed, he has become a legend. People even made his bot We did a terrible fight. She said "You should got shot"

Time goes on... and I listen to that singer's songs as a wannabe But I want to stand by the current people. Not someone like Bruce Lee Do you say this attitude of mine can't be allowed? Just it's too free? Should I obey the person who says 80s is greater than the glee?

Older generation sometimes "press" us. But we do what we like I like the coolest person in the anime Cowboy Bebop, the Spike Ever though I started enjoying some old tunes like Van Dyke

Actually this world can have many, many points of view So we shouldn't be afraid of any single bad review I create my poem. I wanna start my own revue

#diary #journal #english

[c4rdsharp]

WHAT DO I LOVE ABOUT MEMECHI'S WRITING ? for some reason , the first thought was that in a sense it mimics the simplistic style of fitzgerald , especially reminding me of the style in gatsby SDCFVGHJKJNHBGVFD I KNOW THAT SOUNDS FUNNY BUT it's simple understanding tones sets the mood well & makes for an enjoyable , easy read. there's no need for flowery prose or liquid golden words , you make a read enjoyable with a simple splay to it , cozy as if you'd settled down with a cup of coffee , a sweet & are about to crack open an old classic & dive in. honestly , compared to the flowery sense of words like poetry , i much prefer the simplistic easily read & capturing sense of word & detail you use. you bring your characters out wonderfully & although i'm luck bias , i really do adore the way you write him. you do bring the whole. what's the word i'm looking for , early 1900s vibe , like i'm watching old mafia movies in a sense , the old classics mixed with like a detective vibe that i couldn't explain why i feel that way when i read your writing if i tried. you have a way of describing facial expressions & painting out the scene. you don't need poetry to make your writing beautiful , it's enjoyable without the flowery context & sparkly words. it makes it's own character & leaves a great impression on you when you read it. i just really love your writing GIMME BOOK TO READ WITH MY COFFEE MEMECHI

     meechi. OH WOW THIS IS REALLY HIGH PRAISE. I'M HONESTLY A LITTLE OVERWHELMED. first of all, this means so much to hear, so thank you for your time in writing this all up and sending it to me! second of all, aaaaaah, i'm so happy to know a lot of my intended vibes for Luck are really coming across to people. In the canon novels, I've always found Luck to have this very noir - esque dialogue. Narita ( the author ) wrote the Gandor - centric novel with much more intent of having it BE like an old mafia story, rather than the crime / urban fantasy mix of the first three novels ( all of Baccano! is inspired by old mafia films, but D&TD took the most inspiration, arguably ). The fact someone who isn't overly familiar with the series manages to catch that from my writing is really wondrous to hear ( it means i'm catching the spirit of Luck's character correctly! ). The 'detective' vibe is really just my own interpretation of his character ; i've always thought he was secretly a noir protagonist trapped as a mafioso. He's definitely got the tortured melancholia for it.      As for it reading like the classics, i've GOT to say, it's been awhile since i've reread any of Fitzgerald's works, but the fact he's still influencing my writing shows just how much of a hold he's got over me. I really can never escape my past as a BSD Fitzgerald apologist, huh? But, tbh, it makes me really happy to hear because the Great Gatsby is still one of my favorite novels, so for me, this is one of the highest goals i could achieve.

what's good about my writing? / @itorisen

#( out of character. ) hold my cards i’m projecting #( ask. ) i’m too tired for the truth #( meme. ) what's good about my writing? #// thanks for the ask! #// <3 #// this is such high flattery #// ESPECIALLY about how i give it such an early 1900's vibe #// i'm so glad most of my aesthetic choices for Luck is evident in the way I write him #// and the fact someone else gets his weird noir detective i was going for makes me so happy #// Narita releases a full noir detective story for Luck when #// but anyway aGAIN TY #// I APPRECIATE THE TIME YOU SPENT ON SPENDING THIS TO ME

[peaamlipoetrydoctor]

Day Eighteen /// NaPoWri----NO

Today's reading is from a literary journal housed in a University.

From my getting-to-know available online journals over the past 18 months or so, I think there are a number of these - and seems like a win all round TBH... I think generally they're attached to Creative Writing Masters or MFA's, so the students get to practice their editing and publishing skills - and writers get their (in my case) weirdo attempts at Literature looked at by eyes that are doing a LOT of literature-looking at that time. And, in a win for internet-longevity, there's a decent chance of the journal surviving (at least for as long as the dep't does... which I realize can't be taken for granted these days.)

My first published prose poem was picked up for a University MFA Journal - The Lindenwood Review - and I lovelovelove 'em for that <3.

I did go off-programme a little - I couldn't quite get on with the highlighted examples from the latest issue (and the issue is a mix of poetry, fiction and creative non-fiction, so not very many poems to choose from...). But found this from the archives, issue 25 -

I liked it for the fragmented placement of words across the page, which seems consistent with a crumpled up piece of paper, the central metaphor. (I enjoy patterns but I prefer them when there's a good reason for them - and sometimes can't stay onside when it seems like there's no justification at all or that the shape and the meaning are out-of-synch for no discernable reason, just bcz.)

The poet positioned her writing as "after" Donika Kelly, and after a short internet scramble (fueled by the anxiety that I wouldn't be able to identify the original - I gave up on a similar chase involving the work of Pablo Neruda), it occurred to me to search on the same title - self-portrait. YEAYS that did the trick -

The prompt of the day is to write five answers to the same question, without directly revealing the question. No idea what I'm going to do with that - sort of looking forward to finding out...

#poetic #poetry #napowrimo #not napowrimo

[pitter-pattering-ink]

They call us “Angels”

1.

She has no name but is known by all in her village. She is the woman who weaves baskets faster than anyone else. She is the the one who knows exactly when to pick berries to get the perfect ripeness. She is the mother of a boy who refuses to paint with the other children because the texture of paint against his hands doesn’t feel right. She is the creator of the first paintbrush.

She is my first human, my first assignment as a protector. I guard her from all I can and hope I do well. When she grows ill I hold her hand while she begins to nod off. Her son is in the other room- she did not want him to see her like this. I will look after him too.

In her sleep, she smiles, lacing her fingers through my own. To have a body is still foreign to me, but I manage to squeeze back. She should not be able to feel this. I don’t let go.

-

Our task is simple. Protect the humans. Let them grow. Do whatever we can as to not stall their progress.

And goodness, do they make progress.

2.

He is the first to learn how the scraping of flint and steal can cause sparks to fly. I watch as he grows- he’s a curious one, this one. Many times I lead animals away from where he sits, always too distracted to notice. He has many names, for the grunts and murmurs  of vocal chords are still adjusting, and sound is something they are still trying to find the boundaries of. “Ma” seems to be his favorite. When he figures out how to turn sparks to fire I put myself between him and the flames to keep him from being burnt. They don’t leave marks in the same way they would him.

Everything is fast after that. Suddenly things can be cooked. Meat is much more edible than before. Suddenly water is safe to drink without the risk of disease. Suddenly warmth can be found in places other than the curves of another person. He hands it to everyone he knows and they take it with clumsy footing, no doubt leaving singed earth along their path. We will worry about it later; they learn quicker than anything we have seen in a long, long time.

-

They won’t stop growing. There are so many- we are in the millions but it is only a matter of time before they surpass even that. There are many other species that grow at similar paces. But none of them take so much time to mature. None of them have so much to learn- none of them have all that and more.

We were not built to worry. We do, however, wonder.

3.

They tell stories. Nothing has ever done this before.

Then again, I imagine nothing has ever been this lonely either.

I am assigned a boy named Jack. He is born on a ship, the moistness of wood replacing the soft of grass while the world moves beneath him. When night falls and the waves grow rocky everyone gathers in the middle of the deck, taking turns weaving tales under the stars. They discover religion. They discover us.

We have a name, now. Angels. We have never had a name before- nature never referred to us with anything close to that. It feels foreign against my tongue, yet it’s surprisingly fitting. We grow into our new labels.

Jack slips and nearly falls off deck, but I am there to keep him steady. His mother thanks me for my efforts. Calls it a blessing from the gods. I am no god, but I appreciate the sentiment. She tells him, “Be more careful next time. These waves will only grow more rough.”. She tells him, “The sea is no kind beast. She will balance us above the dangers below but she is not to be held responsible for anything- or anyone- who sinks further.”. She tells him, a bit teary up, “I may be the captain of this ship, but not even I could save you from waters like this.”

He learns how to stay standing when the wood beneath his feet refuses to still. We listen to stories together.

The children’s favorites are the ones told by his mother. She leans against a cane and speaks of adventures she has had, run ins with other pirates, loves she has cherished and betrayals she is still bitter from. Most of them, I’m sure, aren’t half true. Jack does not seem to mind.

Eventually she grows too old to run the ship. He takes her place, leaning against her- his- cane and telling tall tails of danger, run ins he has had with other men his age. Men who he had a fondness for and those expected better of. Most of them, I know, aren’t true in the slightest. The children do not seem to mind and the crew are not the type to ruin a good story.

He dies in his thirties after a particularly rough storm. As careful as he was, nature does not hold back or those who are weary. I keep the pressure off his lungs for as long as I can. I try to make every gulp of water taste sweet and calming. It takes everything in me to make his death peaceful.

But some people are simply not ready. He trashes till he can’t. Panic only clears when his vision darkens.

His body is never found. The crew mourn him like they mourned his mother. They keep the cane in their honor.

-

They won’t stop dying. They pass from the tiniest things, always so quick, always before we can do anything to help. Sometimes we can’t, even given the time. Sickness is everywhere now. People are dying in the streets. We can’t do anything to heal them. The best we can do is prolong the inevitable- that, however, is much too painful a death to seem like a blessing.

They call it the plague. They call it a punishment from god. Our names go from ‘angels’ to ‘demons’ very, very quickly.

We are only able to bless things that already exist. You cannot eat a cake when you have no ingredients. The doctors don’t know how to fix this- they are not yet advanced enough to deal with something this big. We can only sit and watch, horrified, as those we have been sworn to protect die by our feet. I am assigned more people than I can count. Their names become a blur. By the time it’s all over, humanity has changed. They have lost so many. We have lost so many.

For a while, each miracle leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

4.

The most stressful assignments, although also very amusing, are the ones who need to be protected from themselves.

His name has been passed down from generation to generation, yet he much prefers to go by Eric. I help him breathe through his corsets and let time pass faster when he’s forced into a face full of make-up. On the few occasions he steals pants from his brother’s room I make sure his footsteps are quiet, because such things are life or death in times like these.

His family is rich and he is tired. They throw parties of plenty, and I hold his tongue when he’s pressured into dancing with the other men there. He steps on their toes and I laugh. Eric is all too ready to rebel in ways that girls his age get disowned for. I let the small things through, smiling at his internal dialog, filled with sass and curses and things that would make his father turn purple. Nothing too big. Never what he really yearns for.

A boy lets go of his hand and gives a terse smile, excusing himself to the food table. We watch him limp away. Eric grins.

He dies young. With a tongue that sharp, it was to be expected. He is caught kissing a woman with undamaged shoes while they both are wearing pants. It was the only time I let him. Witches, they call them. I do my best to save them both, but it’s useless. Heels are not meant for running.

They are buried in unmarked graves. It’s the only blessing I can give.

-

They recover their numbers quickly. It seems no matter what, they always bounce back in a relatively short amount of time.  It’s amazing. It’s terrifying. We get assigned more than one person at a time.

5.

My first household is a family of three. It’s a mother, a daughter, and a child that’s somewhere in-between. Mostly I look over the children- their mother works from home and is much less prone to mistakes than them. And goodness, are they reckless. Their names are Rose and Julian. Rose is a night owl and I have to make sure on more than one occasion that she doesn’t spill mugs of hot coffee on herself. It’s a brutal task, especially when she refuses to sleep when she should. I urge her to drink colder drinks. She refuses.

She is stubbed toes and dropped papers, noise when it should be quiet. She is clumsy. A long, long time ago, this would have been a dangerous trait to have. But things have changed. This world was built by people like her. She will be okay.

Julian is young but they are not stupid. They know more about the ways of the body than any human I have watched over before, bookshelves filled to the brim with pages upon pages filled with the morbid details of what makes humans blood flesh and bone. They flap their hands when they’re frustrated and chew on whatever they can get their hands on. This world was not made for them. I hope it will be rebuilt by the time they’re old enough to live in it.

They are experiments gone wrong and the urge to learn more, even when it becomes less than safe. I bless their hands to stay uncut while experimenting on a dead frog, holding knives that are much too sharp for someone their age. I don’t stop their mom from waking up to scold them. I do make sure they get to keep the frog.

I grow more connected to these children than anyone else I have ever looked after. Jack would have liked them- he would have told them so many stories. I’m with them while they take their driver’s test, pressing their feet down with just enough pressure on the gas petal for smooth sailing. Rose refuses alcohol for the first time and I am there to make sure she doesn’t give into peer pressure. Julian studies for a medical degree, studies how to make this world better for people like them. They don’t need much help on their tests, but I’m still there to lead their pencil on particularly hard questions.

They move out but they stay connected. I watch them bring new people into their lives, watch as their create families of their own. Over the years they change, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. But they are always kind. They are always Rose and Julian.

I’m not as foolish to say I forget how they died. However I don’t like to think about it, so that’s as close to forgetting as I’ll get.

They were good.

I was not built to miss people. Yet they still linger.

-

Our task was simple. Protect the humans. Let them grow. Do whatever we could do as to not stall their progress.

There were many we could not save, and even those that we did were still doomed to the same end. Fate has it’s limits- you can only bend it so much. We were already testing it’s patience by simply existing. And that was fine. Death is normal, death is natural.

But these humans- these humans are different. They create and they are kind to a fault and there is nothing else like that. We did not expect to learn from them. We did not expect for this to hurt.

We did not expect to care.

5.

There’s a woman who lives to be 94. She is one of the lucky few to make it so far. She has grandchildren of plenty and their parents are happy. We all call her Nana. I watched over them for generations, the longest I have for any family before. In her last moments she prays. She tells me I did a good job.

Her grandson dies at age seventeen because I am busy helping his brother clean up glass. I do not pray- such things are better left to those who have faith. But I do hope she forgives me.

13.

I try my best to keep them safe. But this family, this family is not meant to last. There is always something wrong, always something broken, always something that needs to be blessed. It wears me out in ways I have not experienced for centuries. I can’t- I can’t help them all.

In the end there is only one left. She cannot bear to be alone.

No miracle can help someone who does not want to be helped.

21.

The sweetest boy I’ve ever protected is in a family full of rotten people. He is the best thing in that house. I give blessing after blessing, miracle after miracle, and he lives to be happy. He finds a husband and a wife- I bless them too. When he dies it’s a shock even to me. The world seems to dim. I protect his spouses and everyone else he cared about. It’s the first time I come dangerously close to grieving. He would not have liked that.

56.

While the family sleeps, their cat nuzzles into the couch and gives me a slow blink. I always end up sitting with it for the next hour. I cannot touch it, but it seems to appreciate my presence anyway. I miracle it mice to catch.

73.

They are sisters- there is nobody left but them. How reckless they are, spray cans routinely clanging against the cement while they take off from the police. They laugh while they run, and it would be sweet if it weren’t so dangerous. They get caught, once, because I feel they need to know just how serious this is.

The cop lets them off with a warning but also makes the one with darker skin lay on the floor while the other stands.

I do not let them get caught again.

When they pass I make sure their graffiti stays up, soon surrounded by many similar pieces by people like themselves. My next assigned family passes it on the way to the subway and I have to pause for a moment. I come very close to smiling. It would have made them happy.

?

We love them,

?

We grieve them,

?

We miss them.

-

We are angels. We are guardians of humans, protectors of families. We are the small miracles, the big blessings, and we play a balancing act with death just for them. Because they are growing and they are evolving. Because they love in ways we did not know were possible and they love us in ways that can only be described as ‘human’.

They have taught us so much. They have taught us to feel.

There is nothing we would not do for them. Challenging fate is just one of our many favors.

We are angels, and they are human. They are learning and so are we. Because of them we know love. We would not trade them for the world.

-

Our task is simple. Protect the humans. Let them grow. Do whatever we can as to not tall their progress.

And my goodness, do they grow.

But to our shock, so do we.

-

#writing #angels #guardian angels #queer writing #lgbt writing #a mix of poetry and prose tbh #trans and gay characters #yeet #this was inspired by a post by what-even-is-thiss! check them out! #i really liked this concept #just #angels loving humans #:) #humans are weird #humans are... dare i say it.... cute

[celiabowens]

Book recommendations, Literary Fiction edition(?)

A companion to this post (which should be updated, at some point lol)

Short Story Collections: 

Salt Slow by Julia Armfield: grotesque and disquieting collection about women and their experience in society, how they view and perceive their own body and desires. Pretty strong mythic, magical realism, body horror elements in here.

The Man Who Mistook his Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales by Oliver Sacks: fascinating collection in which Sacks reminishes some particularly odd stories of patients who had to cope with bizarre neurological disorders.

Home Remedies by Xuan Juliana Wang: a collection focused on the Chinese millennial experience. Stories about love and loss, family, immigration and the uncertainty of the future. (also there’s an extremely beautiful short story about a pair of Chinese divers that broke me forever!!!)

Bestiary: The Selected Stories by Julio Cortázar: unforgettable selection of short stories that mix surreal elements to everyday life and apparently ordinary events. Would also recommend All Fires the Fire by the same author.

Novels:

How Much of These Hills is Gold by C. Pam Zhang: one of the biggest debuts of 2020, it follows two recently orphaned children through the gold rush era. An adventurous historical fiction piece that focuses on themes like gender, identity and immigration, this is one of my favorites 2020 reads so yeah, I’d really push it in anyone’s hands to be honest.

Burial Rites by Hannah Kent: historical fiction inspired by the last days of a young woman accused of murder in Iceland in the 1820s. A quite bleak, but beautiful novel (the prose is stunning).

The Mercies by Kiran Millwood Hargrave: historical fiction novel set in Norway in the 17th century, following the lives of a group of women in a village that recently (barely) survived a storm that killed all of the island’s men. 

The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead: the 2020 winner of the Pulitzer Prize. The book follows the lives of two boys sentenced to a reform school in Jim Crow-era Florida. A bleak, but important book, with a shocking final twist (side note, I’ve been recommended The Underground Railroad by Whitehead as well, but I haven’t gotten to it yet. If you’re looking for something quite peculiar, if a bit less refined when compared to The Nickel Boys, The Intuitionist is a quite odd pulpy noir set in an alternate NY about...elevator inspectors *and racism*). 

The Leavers by Lisa Ko: haunting book about identity and immigration as the main character is apparently abandoned by his own mother (an undocumented Chinese immigrant) during his childhood. Mainly a story about living in between places and constantly feeling out of place. 

The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa: when everyone would probably recommend Murakami (not much against Murakami besides his descriptions of women and their boobs), I suggest checking out some of Ogawa’s books. The recently translated The Memory Police, published in Japan in the mid 90s, is an orwellian dystopian novel set on an unnamed Island where memories slowly disappear. Would also really recommend The Housekeeper and The Professor, a really short novel about a housekeeper hired to clean and cook for a math professor who suffered an injury that causes him to remember new things for only 80 minutes. 

On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong: Ocean Vuong’s debut novel, following a son writing a letter to his illiterate mother. The book seems quite polarising due to Vuong’s writing style (his poetry background is really quite clear and the book doesn’t really follow a regular narrative, rather than portrays events and memories in brief flashes), but I loved it and I’d really just recommend going into it without knowing much? It’s a beautiful exploration of language, family history, trauma, sexuality and more.

Exist West by Mohsin Hamid: this book was fairly popular when it came out (in 2017 I believe) and was often incorrectly marketed as magical realism. Hamid’s book is a brief and quietly brutal journey with a few fantastical elements, following a couple trying to escape their city in the middle of war, as they hear about peculiar doors that can whisk people far away. The doors are, of course, a quite effective metaphor for the immigrant experience and the book does a great job at portraying the main characters’ relationship. 

Family Trust by Kathy Wang: this has a really low rating on goodreads which...wow i hate that. Family Trust is a literary family saga/drama about a Chinese-American family residing in the Silicon Valley. It’s often been compared to Crazy Rich Asians, but I believe it to be more on the literary side and definitely less lighthearted. 

Pachinko by Min Jin Lee: historical family saga (one of my favorites tbh, I’m absolutely biased, but this book deserved more hype) set in Korea and Japan throughout the 20th century, following four generations of a Korean family. While I wasn’t the biggest fan of the prose, the book has really great characterisation and absolutely fascinating characters. (I’d suggest checking out eventual TW first, in this case). 

The Silence of the Girls by Pat Barker: another recent read, The Silence of the Girls, while not faultless, is a pretty good retelling of The Iliad, narrated through Briseis’ perspective. The prose can feel a bit too modern at times, but it provides the reader with some really strong quotes and descriptions. 

Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng: and also Little Fires Everywhere by the same author, to be honest. If you’re looking for really really good family dramas, with great explorations of rather complex and nuanced relationships? You should just check out her stuff. Vibrant characters, good writing, and some superb portrayal of longing here. 

Nutshell by Ian McEwan: i’m starting with this one only to grab your attention (if you’ve even reached this part lol, congrats), but McEwan’s one of my favorite authors and I’d recommend almost everything I’ve read by him? Nutshell, specifically, is a really odd and fun retelling of Hamlet...told from the pov of an unborn baby. But really, I’d also recommend Atonement (of course), The Children Act, Amsterdam? All good stuff. 

A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles: I’ve read this book this summer and, while I’m still unsatisfied with the ending, I’d thoroughly recommend this? The novel follows Count Alexander Rostov, who, in 1922, is sentenced to a lifetime of house arrest in the Metropol, a luxurious hotel in the center of Moscow. A singular novel, funny and heartbreaking at once, following a vibrant cast of characters as they come and go from Rostov’s secluded life. 

Human Acts by Han Kang: from the bestselling author of The Vegetarian (which honestly, I thoroughly despised lol), Human Acts focuses on the South Korean Gwangju uprising. It’s a really odd (and at times grotesque) experimental novel (one chapter is narrated from the pov of one of the bodies if I remember correctly), so one really has to be in the mood for it, but it’s a really unique experience, worth a chance.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon: sort of a really chunky historical adventure novel following two artists in 1940s/1950s NY, who create a superhero and use him to wage a one man war on the Nazis. A bit slow in places (the pace can be uneven at times and the book is quite long), but an enjoyable novel that does a pretty good job when it comes to exploring rather classic themes of American contemporary fiction: the American dream and the figure of the artist (I think there’s a particularly interesting focus on how the artists navigates the corporate world and its rules) and their creative process.

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel: this is a pretty classic rec, the book really got a lot of hype when it came out? It’s a dystopian-ish novel set after civilisation’s collapse, following a post-apocalyptic troupe (of Shakespearean actors). It’s a really odd, but surprisingly quiet book. Not sure if a pandemic is exactly the right time to read it, but I thoroughly recommend it. 

The Garden of Evening Mists by Tan Twan Eng: I feel like this book is extremely complex to summarise to be honest. In short, it’s a book set in Malaya at the end of the 1940s, following a woman who, after surviving Japanese wartime camps, spends her life prosecuting war criminals. But truthfully this book is about conflicts and contradictions and in particular about remembering and forgetting. Lovely prose. 

The Secret History by Donna Tartt: and also The Goldfinch. I’m sure no one really needs me to introduce Donna Tartt?

The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton: quite cerebral mystery set in New Zealand in 1866. Honestly you have to be a patient reader who enjoys novels with a pretty complex structure to like this, but if you’re into this sort of challenging read...go for it? It’s a book of interlocking stories (with 10+ pov and main characters) with a really fascinating structure based on astrological charts, which provide insight to the main characters’ traits and personality as the mystery unfolds.

The Hours by Michael Cunningham: ok...do not watch the movie first. The Hours is an incredibly difficult novel to describe to be honest: it begins by recalling the last moments of Virginia Woolf’s life, as she’s writing Mrs. Dalloway. The book focuses on three separate narratives, each one following a specific character throughout a single day of their own life. Goes without saying that I’d suggest being familiar with Mrs. Dalloway itself first though.

An Artists of the Floating World by Kazuo Ishiguro: not one of Ishiguro’s most famous works (most start reading his work with Never Let Me Go or The Remains of the Day), but probably my favorite out of those I’ve read so far. The novel follows  Masuji Ono, an artist who put his work in service of imperialist propaganda throughout WWII. Basically a reflection and an account of the artist’s life as he deals with the culpability of his previous actions. 

Stoner by John Williams: I feel like this is an odd book to recommend, because I don’t think someone can truly get the hype unless they read it themselves. Stoner is a pretty straight-forward book, following the ordinary life of an even more ordinary man. And yet it’s so compelling and never dull in its exploration of the characters’ lives and personalities. Also, I’ve just finished Augustus by the same author, which is an epistolary historical fiction novel narrating some of the main events of Augustus’ reign through letters from/by his closest friends and enemies. Really liked it. 

Do Not Say We Have Nothing by Madeleine Thien: back to integenerational family sagas (because I love those, in case it wasn’t clear lol), Do Not Say We Have Nothing follows a young woman who suddenly rediscovers her family’s fractured past. The novel focuses on two successive generations of a Chinese family through China’s 20th century history. While not every character got the type of development they deserved, the author does a good job when it comes to gradually recreating the family’s complex and nuanced history. 

There’s probably more but I doubt anyone’s going to reach the end or anything so. There’s that lol.

#book recs #book rec #litblr #2020 reads #all the typos are my own LOL #also i didnt put here philip roth or auster #but tbh #i dont think anyone needs me to rec them???

[arsenicpanda]

Bughead Appreciation Day 1 Except It’s Day 2

So I spent yesterday nice and cozy in bed and put this off (good choice, tbh, I was very snug as a bug), but now, now comes the time for me to gush about some people in the fandom!  This is definitely not a comprehensive list, I have absolutely left some people out because I am very forgetful, but, in no particular order and under a cut because I’m a wordy bitch:

@tory-b: A delight and a dear, leading writer of monsterfucker!Betty, co-runner of @riverdaleprideandjoyzine, a legend and a friend, we have no choice but to stan.  Her stuff is so good and varied and just *chef’s kiss* a delight, two favorites of mine are Fangs/com/Match (Betty/dragon!Jughead meet via monsterfucker Tinder, has some great friendship moments with Kevin and Veronica and is v sexy and funny, features the horniest Betty) and Sticky Sweet Serenade ((past)-friends-to-enemies-to-lovers bughead, mixes up some statuses in Riverdale, excellent mystery, I remember reading it and going, “holy shit, a believable take on Northside!Jughead”).  I’ve also gotta mention Whats in a Name? (Betty and Jughead meet on tumblr, Betty writes poetry and Jughead is a shitposter, they slowly connect, it’s great) and To Balance the Scales (scientist!Betty/mermaid!Jughead, currently a slow build, I cannot wait for you guys to see the excellent worldbuilding she’s done).  I could keep going, or you could binge all her fics today, an excellent use of your Saturday, I assure you, because I’ve left a lot out.

@stillhidden: Always good for some great thoughts on the show, one of the best reasons for my your thoughts on Riverdale please show them to me tag, I get psyched every time I see a Riverdale text post or ask answer because I know I’m in for a good time.  Thoughtful and funny and nice, what a combo!

@satelliteinasupernova: So talented!  Author, artist, co-runner of @riverdaleprideandjoyzine, funny, haver of good thoughts on Riverdale is there anything she can’t do?  No, there is not.  Every time I see her art I’m like !!!, the colors! how well-drawn the hands are! the accuracy of their hair! the backgrounds! the way I can see the love in their eyes! I cannot even, there are no words.  Also!  Her fics!  So original!  One of my earliest memories in the fandom is reading The town called Riverdale (a sort of mystery about the meta fuckery going down in Riverdale, explores time loops, stories that control lives, the roles the Archie characters are “supposed” to have, a mash-up with concepts in Princess Tutu that requires zero knowledge of Princess Tutu) and going !!! is this a Princess Tutu mash-up?  Have I been #blessed enough to see a mash up between Riverdale, a story that fucks with archetypes, and Princess Tutu, one of the shows about fucking with archetypes and the way stories ontrol lives?  I was and I am and I raved to my non-fandom but Princess Tutu liker friend about it.  Has also wonderfully tackled eldritch horror in return to Eldervair and gothic horror/romance in The Lady of the Manor, does fluff, does angst, does it all, so go check her out!

@go-ldy: An angst and time skip queen, tbh, and always has some great thoughts on Riverdale, another reason I’m glad I have that tag.  Every time she answers an ask, I’m like, “Yesss, incoming Good Thoughts, I am HERE for this”.  But do not sleep on her as an author!  Into the Deep is some delightful dark!bughead, and I’ll walk with you in the shadows is such good time skip angst and a mystery and there’s a certain surprise I love but is a spoiler but you simply must read this, you must.  The Time after Time series is giving us that good angst bughead content that season 5 is not going to, and I’m so glad it exists and just thrilled that she trusted me to beta it.  I’m leaving a lot of stuff out though, so you should go check her out!

@milajovovich: One of the best gif makers in the fandom, I will fight you on this.  Makes absolute miracles with footage, the way she makes season 4 webrips look like they’re actual blurayrips is godly, they’re so crisp and so smooth and the coloring is always great.  And like, jesus, the way the bluray footage looks?  Fucking outstanding, the talent is off the charts.  Go marvel at their gifs, go, go.

@imreallyloveleee: A prolific, talented author and funny to boot!  loveleee is one of the people who has been here since the beginning, a mainstay in the fandom, and we are so, so lucky she hasn’t left.  How do I even begin to rec you some of her stuff?  She can write smut with fics like burn, baby (a 3x16 missing moment of bughead fucking in the car as the trailer burns, what a gift to the fandom, I can’t even), is queen of pining with fics like boy problems (season 1 post 1x05 canon divergence, a bughead get together but with that quality pining) and her i’m just a shot away series (two fics, one from Jughead’s POV and one from Betty’s, that are fully of pining and sexual tension and miscommunication and major teenage vibes, you gotta read them), and writer of one of the funniest fics in the fandom and one of my favorite, like spirits in the night (the core four + Kevin perform a seance to contact Jason Blossom and yes, it is just as funny as it sounds, perhaps even funnier).  And there are countless others, so settle in and go check her out because she does it all, fluff and angst too, I just don’t have time to rec them all.

@meditationonbaaal: Absolutely one of my all-time favorite fic authors, like across fandoms, the talent, I cannot even properly describe it, like the quality of the prose, amazing, iconic.  the devil’s daughter (a season 2 rewrite with some differences in season 1, jumps back and forth through time in the best way, has the best and creepiest dark!Jughead, has some great smut that includes dom!Betty and dom!Jughead can you believe we are so blessed, such a good rewrite of season 2, and you know how I love season 2, so that is some high praise, let me tell you) is easily in my top 10 all-time favorite fics across the many, many fandoms I’ve read many, many fics of, and you simply must check it out, you will not be disappointed.  develop, stop, fix just blew me away as a kink week fic of bughead playing with bdsm in a dark room, the layers, the smut, the trust, the feelings, I cannot even.  And doll parts!  doll parts is so good, just such an amazing take on drop dead gorgeous, a fabulous Jughead and Betty as per usual, dare I say even better than an already fantastic movie.  I am behind on loose lips sink ships, but I can already tell it’s going to be a great exploration of the Stonies and a great take on season 4.  Keep an eye on her stuff here and here, do not miss out!

@dieqohargreeves:  An icon and legend in gif making, just makes the most beautiful and intricate and creative gifs.  The coloring is amazing, the techniques are amazing, that shit is Art, I will fight you on this.  You gotta check ‘em out, you just gotta, I can’t do their work justice.

@sullypants:  The wit!  The humor!  The observational skills!  The talent, my god!  Sully is the genius behind @bettycooperoutfitwatch and @riverdalearthistory as well as a fabulous writer of both meta and fic, yet another excellent reason for me to keep up with others’ thoughts on Riverdale.  Her a comic miniverse series is so funny and sweet and such a great take on the Archie Comics version of bughead, and the after-party series (Betty and Jughead attend a, well, prom after party, and the events that happen, and I am not doing it justice, but it is v good, I promise) has such a great vibe and such great characterization.  And young adult friction (librarian!Jughead is in a kind of competition with librarian!Betty, it’s so funny and so great) is such a delight, and we do not have time to get into everything great she’s written, but go check it out here.

@lilibug--xx: The queen of bughead smut, can you believe she has graced us with her stuff?  It is steamy and it is in character and it is amazing.  Dark Cherry Chutney is still a fandom favorite of mine, just some great dark!bughead who are unaware of each other’s darkness (but oh, they find out!) as well as some excellent smut.  And Pressed for Time (Betty teasing Jughead with her skirts in an effort to get him to fuck her and he is barely holding on until he isn’t, alternating POVs in the best way) is sexy af but makes you work for it, it’s a delight.  And give you mine (Betty and Jughead fuck at work and it is so hot, I can’t even) is so goddamn good, just some of the best dom!Jughead out there.  Has also written monsterfucker!Betty, which you know I’m a fan of, in once upon a midnight (werewolf-hunter!Betty/werewolf!Jughead with sex pollen where she does not shy away from some wolfy-ness and it is hot af) and has written monsterfucker!Jughead, a rarity but always a delight, with reap what you sow (witch!Jughead/undine!Betty and Betty is so delightfully otherworldly and it is so sexy but also sweet), and there are countless other smut fics, we would be here all day if I went through them all, so you gotta check her out here.  One more thing though: she can also write fluff with Lemon Drops and Chocolate Chips, a sweet fic of Betty and Jughead as neighbors that you should definitely check out.

@thatiranianphantom:  Funny and thoughtful and talented and has correct opinions on musicals!  Writes such good explorations of post-4x17 (and post-4x17 adjacent) scenarios.  Like, the we are a masterpiece series is v good and so interesting, and no one else is singing my song is such great angst as a post-4x17 fic and a great use of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend songs.  I am forgetting a lot of stuff, I know I am, and I think I might be behind like a fool, so let’s go check out all her stuff together here, yes?  Yes.  Also?  Great for Riverdale speculation, especially about the season 5 musical episode.

@heartunsettledsoul:  So talented, queen of canon missing moments, and funny to boot!  I love reading her liveblogging of the episodes, and I cannot recommend her stuff enough.  Her Forgotten Moments series of canon missing moments is iconic, you must go read all of it, especially there’s witchcraft in your hips, a post-2x13 fic of Betty and Jughead being such teenagers and Jughead being a dweeb about his cheerleader girlfriend and I am not doing it justice but you gotta go read it, man, you gotta.  But the series is full of gems from the beginning with Midnight Silence (Betty and Jughead talk post-1x04 about the Grundy debacle and it’s such a delight) and going all the way through to the most recent it might’ve been a nightmare (a 4x12 through 4x16 fic that gives me a wide range of emotions and is fantastic) and your eyes look like coming home (Betty’s diary entries throughout season 1, simply inspired).  But she’s also so good at AUs!  a dark world aches (for a splash of the sun) is already looking so good as a bughead mystery with some varchie fun on the side, just some quality core four content, and won’t be the same (if you’re not here with me) is a favorite of fake dating, Christmas, and there was only one bed, just the best tropefest.  And there are so, so many more, so you must check her out here.

@lovedinapastlife: She writes such a variety of AUs, I am just in awe of them all!  The talent, I am amazed.  The dark!bughead in The Society is peak dark!bughead with a simply iconic yandere!Betty, and you are seriously missing out if you have not read it yet.  Oh, and there’s some more dark!Jughead with a side of dark!Betty in the key to harm(ony) that you must check out because it’s such a great ride and is sexy, what more could you want?  Every movie AU she does really takes the source material and makes it her own from works You Drive Me Crazy (but I'm gonna keep on loving you), based on Drive Me Crazy and definitely better than the movie, to the most recent to all the boys (but especially you), based on To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before and just so sweet.  But also can write otherworldly fics like Heart’s Desire with genie!Betty and The Second Coming with fae!Jughead, as well as regular aus like Detention (Betty and Jughead in detention and it gets a little sexy but also quite cute), and pure porn like Eye of the Beholder (Betty and Jughead as sorcerers who hook up over sorcerer Tinder and it is sexy but also sweet), as well as some of the best ABO in fandom with her A/B/O Mine series (alpha!Jughead/omega!Betty in high school and holy shit is it hot as hell).  I am only just skimming the surface here, so definitely go check her out!

@kyloren aka @jughead-jones:  Mila is so talented at making gifs, like goddamn, and also so funny, but I bet you didn’t know that she also has written some damn good fic!  She hides it, but it is out there and it is very good, my favorite being let me hang my hook on your splendor, a fandom fave of a Scooby-Doo au that is so much more thoughtful and clever with its casting, and also very amusing, you must check out the rest of her stuff here.

@elizabethbettscooper: A delightful person and a delightful writer who is largely retired from the bughead fandom but still such a talent, like seriously.  Her Twin Peaks Riverdale AU The Past Dictates the Future is so good, you simply must check it out, like you must.  And yours was the first face i saw is such a fun AU of “what if Betty’s crush on Archie was a front for her crush on Jughead”, you must go read it.  And holy shit, her i may be bad (but i’m perfectly good at it) series is peak dom!Jughead/sub!Betty taking place when they’re in college and fucking in so many varied ways, like if you are into that, you must go read these fics, you must, you will have a great and sexy, sexy time.  And there’s so much more good stuff, you gotta go read it all here.

@bettycreeper: She does so much for the fandom and she makes such gorgeous gifs!  Like, the coordination she does on the @bugheadfamily server and @bugheadfanfictionawards and @riverdale-events and probably elsewhere cannot be understated, she is such a valuable presence in the fandom.  And have you seen her gifs?  Gorgeous quality, just gorgeous, and her movie poster gifs for fics are simply inspired.  Also?  She’s an amazing beta, just outstanding.

@stillscape: A very thoughtful person and excellent writer who I can’t seem to tag.  Dianthus Caryophyllus is still one of my favorite fics in the fandom, a high school bughead fic with some amazing pining from Jughead with an oblivious Betty, I can feel it, it’s so good.  And of course there’s Ninia, an amazing take on the soulmates trope, just so good, I cannot do it justice, you must check it out.  The for the life of me series is also such a good AU for Betty and Jughead getting together pre-Riverdale at a summer internship, I have such fond memories of it.  And la peste (the plague)!  So good, I cannot even.  We don’t have time for everything, except you should make time and go check all of it out here.

@theheavycrown:  God, where would we be without Sarah?  She does so much work for the @bugheadfamily and @bugheadfanfictionawards and @riverdale-events and @riverdalecentral and I’m probably forgetting some, tbh.  And so sweet and talented!  Her gifs are fantastic and so are her fics.  Like, Rain Comes Down (Betty and Jughead fucking in the car on the side of the road while cars drive by)?  Iconic, some amazing exhibitionism.  you had me howling(Betty in heat in the woods and then Jughead finds her and fucking ensues)? Fantastic ABO, so horny, so desperate.  Beneath the Silver Moon Rising?  Excellent dom!Jughead, excellent sexy times.  You must go check out all of her stuff here, you must.

@50shades-of-bughead:  Just some of the absolute cutest art that you must check out, especially their series of dark!bughead that is just fantastic.

@thepointoftheneedle: The variety of work here is phenomenal, the talent, I cannot.  Took my ridiculous double fake marriage/draft-dodging concept and turned it into an excellent, thoughtful period piece with phenomenal characterization and a great mystery with Never No Locomotive, I cannot recommend it enough.  And Ghosts and Clouds and Nameless Things (ghost!Jughead/grieving-dead-Jughead!Betty with a side of mystery) gave me so many emotions, I think I almost cried, and I am not a crier, I assure you.  Hey Pixie Dream Girl, I’m Coming for Your Man! (Betty in her bookstore saves Jughead from his date with a Manic Pixie Dream Girl) is so delightfully funny, and Sunflowers (Betty and Jughead share a working space and fall in love) is so goddamn cute.  I have actually found myself behind on her work, which is a crime, it all looks so amazing and I know it will be, and you must check all of it out with me here.

@hellodinoflower:  Such an amazing presence in the fandom, such a delight, so clever and funny.  She ran @bugheaddrabblechallenge this past summer and gave us all so much joy in the process, and, while her fics are deleted now (as is her right), I promise you that they were amazing, you all missed out if you slept on her.  She’s such a great follow, you gotta follow her.

@bluevelvetvideo:  A delighful soul, great character insight, great writing.  Like, her smut is fantastic, have you read Arsenal (a double feature of Betty and Jughead fooling around in public and then having some sexytimes back in private with some quality dom!Jughead, let me tell you, v steamy)?  Because you should.  Christmas Lights (Jughead ties Betty up with their Christmas lights, it’s fantastically sexy) is a delight, and you can’t blame gravity (for falling in love) is a very fun take on soulmates and soulmarks, and you simply must go read it.  She is a master of smut, let me tell you, and you must check out all her stuff here.  Also?  An excellent beta, 10/10, I’m so lucky to have her.

@a-true-janian-reply:  Very funny, has excellent thoughts on Riverdale!  Like, truly, every time I see an original text post or a reblog from her, I am PSYCHED because it’s always going to be SO GOOD.

@writeradamanteve:  Such great talent across genres, really impressive.  Drive (illegal drag racing Betty and college student but former-ish Serpent Jughead, just fantastic) is one of my earliest fandom favorites, I remember excitedly telling my non-fandom friend about it because I thought it was so clever, and we all know how good Daemon Bound is, yes?  Yes, I’m sure we do.  Let’s go make sure we’ve read all her stuff here.

@thugheadjones:  Has some great insights, some great responses to dumb anons, and some fantastic art, like holy shit, I cannot even.

@bugggghead:  A delightful soul, so nice, so talented.  Writes some amazing smut, like, have you read intimately acquainted (alpha!Jughead/omega!Betty, meeting up on an app to help Betty with her heat in a heat retreat, four chapters of excellent smut)?  Because you should if you’re even kind of interested in ABO.  And en pointe is the bughead knifeplay fic of dreams, you gotta check it out.  And there are so many other ones, we do not have time to cover them all.  She also does cute fics, btw, and Message Me (fanfic-author-who-is-actually-the -real-author!Jughead/gif-maker-and-fangirl!Betty meet on tumblr and fall in love and it’s great) is such a delight, definitely go check it out.  In fact, go check out all her stuff here.  Also a fantastic beta, I really owe her for that.

@heavy-lies-the-crown:  A talented soul who has written so much high quality fic, from the hilarious red ribbon winner (a Christmas fic comedy that I cannot describe well but I assure you is both hilarious and sweet) to the emotional and moving road to me (Betty and Jughead break up, find themselves, and come back together and it’s perfection) to the heart-ripping angst of apizza (a semi post-4x17-speculation fic of bughead together but apart at Yale and the way they will come back together and it is so good and so angsty) to many, many more.  You gotta go check it all out here.

@lurker-no-more:  Yet another funny person, we as a fandom are so blessed, you must check them out, you just must.

@iconic-ponytail:  Another excellent writer!  a revelation in the light of day is SUCH a great slowburn and  SUCH a great take on both FBI!Betty and Sheriff!Jughead and the two of them falling in love as adults.  Also, the side varchie is fantastic, and the mystery is amazing.  I have not yet checked out the nighthawks, but I already know it’s going to be good, I can tell, you can trust this author to be quality, so go check all of her stuff out here.

@soyforramen:  Funny!  Very funny!  Also?  Writes some great ficlets that are, I think, exclusive to tumblr, which is a tragedy, tbh, but as is their right.  But I do have the link to this genius fic about bughead and a platypus in honor of the platypus anon that was going around this summer.  Definitely go check them out!

And now I am very tired, I have used up my energy, and I am so sorry if I forgot anyone!

#Riverdale #fandom #fic recs #I mean they're buried in there but they're THERE #can you tell I ran out of steam at the end?

[ziracona]

So this might be a weird connection to make, but all your recent Billy the Kid from Fate Go stuff has been reminding me of a book I read for a Mixed Media class I took in college. The Collected Works of Billy the Kid by Michael Ondaatje, which is an interesting mix of some of the real history, the myth left behind, and some creative prose and poetry. Tbh I have no idea if it comes anywhere close to the mark with the Fate Go version, but I think it's pretty good stuff if you wanna take a look

Well thank you! If it’s historically accurate, it probably does come close (always a beyond fair question with the blind throw dartboard Fate is, but Billy is really historically accurate except that they arbitrarily made him 5’2” instead of 5’8” — for I guess Short King rights? Lol it’s like the only wild liberty but I kinda love it), and I am interested! I’m very in love with that character, so I’ve actually been doing for fun research today. This poor irl dude damn; most sympathetic cowboy outlaw I ever read about. And his escapes are hilarious and iconic like it feels like a film instead of real life. Shimmied up a chimney. Broke out of his cuffs and got the deputy’s gun while being walked to the prison, shot him, made it upstairs in leg shackles because he knew the sheriff would come before he could escape, grabbed a shotgun, and leaned out a window and said, ‘Look above ya’ or smth and then shot him when he looked up. After being convicted to hang and appealing like 6 times, all denied, for a murder it was later proved he actually didn’t do. His history is insane. And he was a teen and very young adult for all of it. Truly fascinating. You might already know this since you read about him, but it makes me super sad but I also find it kind of sweet his name was likely not Henry McCarty, but William Henry McCarty, and just called Henry after his mom married his step-dad, so there wouldn’t be two Billys, and then after his mom died and their father abandoned them to foster homes and working to survive as teens, and he ended up rustling cattle and called himself William H. Bonney, he was probably taking his name back. Thanks for the rec! I’ll check it out when I get the chance! : D

#sorry for gushing; my heart is full of love for Billy the Kid & I can only throw facts at my best friend & sister so many times in 24 hours #lilyrighter #ask #fate go #billy the kid

[bronanlynch]

bi-weekly update

it sure has been a wild time here and tbh I had enough to do one of these last week and just. didn’t?? for some reason?? anyway

listening: the Promare soundtrack went on sp*tify recently so I’ve been on Promare soundtrack lockdown over here. I know Kakusei is the iconic Promare song but Inferno (the opening song) always makes me tear up??? love to experience emotions about a movie in a reasonable and normal way. so anyway my standout track from the OST is Piromare because I am so very not immune to sad soft piano renditions of a motif that is usually triumphant/cheerful/etc

reading: I have, for once, read a bunch of books. I got a giftcard to my favorite local indie bookshop for Christmas and finally got around to using it to buy two books I’d been looking forward to, Dowry of Blood by S.T. Gibson (bi polyam Dracula retelling, kind of) and Winter’s Orbit by Everina Maxwell (gay arranged marriage space opera)

Dowry of Blood was very satisfying to me, someone who has lots of opinions about how vampires ought to be sexy and also terrifying, and I really enjoyed this specific take on vampire lore. also the formatting/pagination was really really cool and reminded me more of poetry books than prose usually does. for the first couple of pages there’s only text on one side of the page and then there’s one line on the back of a page and it hits really hard. extremely good and cool printing choices. would def recommend, but it is also explicitly an exploration of getting into and then out of an abusive relationship so. warnings for that in addition to the murder/blood warnings

also look at how sick this cover is (by Marlowe Lune, an artist whose work I really like in general)

I previously read Winter’s Orbit when it was on ao3 as an original work (called Course of Honour) and it was really cool to read a familiar story that I uh. read several times on ao3 but with added layers, because the author added a bunch of worldbuilding and an entire overarching higher-stakes political plot. I really really liked the added worldbuilding, and for the most part I enjoyed the new plot stuff, though at times I felt like it distracted from what I liked the most about the original, and there was one specific scene that was taken out that I was disappointed about. fave thing about the worldbuilding is when something is referred to by normal familiar words (like pigeons or bears) and then the actual thing is like, a fucking dinosaur that only vaguely resembles the word that’s used for it. very fun

also slightly mixed feelings about the framing of empire in the book, since there is some discussion about the consequences of imperialism and the resolution of the plot involves getting more rights and political sway for colonized planets. but the majority of the plot is about preserving an unjust status quo, and the representative of one of the colonized planets is working for the interests of the empire so that they can appear unified in the face of a larger-scale potential threat, which I’m not sure I love. and I also didn’t really care for the way the resistance movement (whenever it came up, which wasn’t often) was portrayed. so. on one hand yes there is a message of ‘empire bad and we should maybe try to be less Like That’ but on the other hand sometimes it did feel like the imperialism was an under-examined backdrop for a romance. like don’t get me wrong, I love the romance, I love the characters, it’s just that some of the politics didn’t quite do it for me and I think I just wanted More of things that just. weren’t the focus of the story

warnings for discussions of abusive relationships in this one, except this time it’s backstory for one of the characters, not something that’s present in the central relationship. and for all of the things that I wasn’t quite satisfied with, the parts of the book that are about like, learning how to be a person again after being in a situation where you’re not allowed to be yourself are still very well-handled and hit me real hard.

I also read a whole bunch of KJ Charles because sometimes all my brain can handle is marathoning romance novels, but I’m not gonna talk about all of them because this is already long enough (have not read the new one that came out today yet though that’s what I’m gonna do after this)

watching: Supernatural season 13 is incredibly boring and bad in ways that aren’t interesting or fun to talk about so I haven’t watched any recently. I did watch the first episode of Lupin, and really enjoyed it! will definitely watch more, though slowly because it takes too much of my brain to marathon it, partially because I know just enough French to almost not need the subtitles but having to read and also automatically trying to translate as I’m listening takes more brain energy. love a good heist though, and it has some good social commentary on race and class and crime

also the main character is very good. fucking superb you funky gentleman thief

playing: still making my way through the last mission of Knife of Dunwall. I made a bunch of progress since I whined at my friend about how hard it was and they told me to just stay in the building that has places to hide (the one you have to make your way through as Corvo, so I already know the layout, which helps lol) instead of the one that’s falling apart with nowhere to hide. who would have thought.

have also watched my roommate play lots of games and have thoughts on those too. Final Fantasy games (or at least the ones I’ve seen anything from, which is 7, 14, and 15) really appeal to me on a character/aesthetic/plot level but the gameplay looks like it would be bad for my brain. and yes all of those have very different gameplay but they would all be not fun for me in different ways. my roommate showed me like an hour of cutscenes from 14 last night that was basically a movie of tropes I love but holy shit I could never play a game where I have to wait for other people to be ready to also play the same part of the game before I can advance the plot

they’ve also been playing Persona 5 Scramble/Strikers (I don’t know which one the S stands for and at this point I’m too afraid to ask), which I do intend to play myself some day. it’s a sequel to Persona 5 with the same characters and damn they really nailed the feeling of seeing your friends again after not seeing them for a while, both in terms of. I care about these characters and am happy to see them again and also, they haven’t seen the protagonist in a while and they’re so happy he’s back and it makes me very soft. would love to reunite with friends whom I haven’t seen in a while

making: haven’t worked on cosplay but we did make some very tasty tortellini soup last weekend, and then last night we made fish & chips which was a lot easier than I was expecting and turned out pretty well? we just used frozen fries instead of like. frying them ourselves but we did make some very tasty lemon-garlic green beans

writing: well. I have a couple of things I’ve been noodling away at for a bit, and then a couple days ago I had a little bit of a breakdown and wrote 3000 words of angst in one sitting for an entire different new fic (Persona boys having a miserable time), and then yesterday decided to get in on a thing in The Untamed fandom of people writing short ““boring”“ domestic oneshots, and I love domesticity so I wrote one, which various reviewers have called “very sweet” and “a callout post” (it is both of those things)

I’m also organizing an event for P5 trans content because someone was shitty to one of my roommates over a trans headcanon and I got so pissed off that I’m running a prompt week now. love to have reasonable emotional reactions to things that happen in my life. why would I think about my actual problems when I could get petty and spiteful over someone saying that a fictional character couldn’t possibly be trans

#this one is real long i'm sorry #contains pictures of food under the readmore #tuesday no problem extended universe #dreaming.txt

[lovedthe-stars-toofondly]

Get to know the writer!

NAME: Bee

PRONOUNS: they/them, she/her

ZODIAC SIGN: In the basic charts, Virgo. In the full chart, Libra sun, Cancer moon, Capricorn rising. Uh. Whatever that means xjcjdhd

TAKEN OR SINGLE: Taken, happy, in love <3

~~ THREE FACTS ~~

I’m an artist! Currently attending art college with a BFA focus in ceramics; sculpture and wheel-thrown pottery! I do all kinds of different art though. I’ve been drawing passionately since I was about 11 (am 20 now), hobbied in origami since about the same, started digital art when I was around 15 (I think), and dabbled occasionally in acrylic and watercolor; I’ve also done wittling, shop woodworking, metalworking, steel welding, soft sculpture sewing, plaster molding, etc. Tbh I don’t think there’s a visual art form I’ve tried and haven’t been at least moderately good at lmao. I also work as the graphic designer and artist for my family’s small business and have illustrated a published book (Queensdaughter by Amanda Ylva ^^ I haven’t actually read it yet lmao but it’s gay and high fantasy (i think?) so what’s not to love-).

I am also a musician—I’ve played piano since I was like 6 or 7, clarinet since I was 10, ukulele since about 15 or so, and just a little bit of ocarina (nothing serious there lmao, unfortunately it is quite loud and I can’t practice at home). Before I decided on an art major, I was very seriously considering music as my major, for either piano or clarinet. I also compose a little, have a great musical ear and memory, and I have perfect pitch hoho-

I am a writer—obviously I enjoy roleplaying lol but I also write fanfiction, poetry, and original stories. I’ve got some ideas for stories that will probably never ever be finished and published ever but they’re at least fun to think about lol. I really enjoy writing fanfiction though, it’s a lot easier for me to work on shorter stories. I like to mix poetry and prose.

~~ EXPERIENCE ~~

I started roleplaying when I was about 11, on an old flash game called Fly Like A Bird 3 on fastgames/andkon/gamevial. The game had an open chat so of course the roleplayers found it lmao. From there I roleplayed mostly just with my online best friend at the time, and we hopped around to different forums (man y’all remember forums dnjfkd). Biggest website we used was Chicken Smoothie and god I love that it hasn’t changed a bit (I don’t still use it but i got that old web nostalgia). Fell away from roleplaying for a good few years but got back into it in June last year!

~~ MUSE PREFERENCE ~~

Uh. Okay I really haven’t roleplayed a lot of different muses lmao it’s like,,, three, Alfons being one of them- So based on that I guess I have a preference for traumatized sweethearts that have potential enough (aka only 8 minutes of screentime) for me to make them even more traumatized and even bigger sweethearts. /j

I really enjoy playing other side characters too lmao, just haven’t had the opportunity for it much.

~~ FLUFF/ANGST/SMUT ~~

FLUFF: Gimme all the fluff omg, I live and breathe and thrive off of it. Make my teeth rot from the most saccharine plots you can think of. Let Alfons smile and happy stim until he forgets how to be sad.

ANGST: DO IT, STAB ME THROUGH THE HEART. I love writing angst even more than I love reading it in fanfics, which is a lot skcjfkf- Alfons is a character who was built to be hopeless and tragic, I love to take that and just,, mmm,, *clenches fist,,* make it worse.

SMUT: Nah. I’ve kinda considered it a little but would only do it with someone I trust absolutely. I’m on the asexual spectrum, and the topic of sex can also sometimes be kind of uncomfortable to Extremely Not Good depending on the day, so that’s not something I want happening here on this blog.

~~ PLOT/MEMES ~~

I am always down to plot!! If I share a meme and you get an idea from that (or get an idea otherwise lol) and wanna talk about it, message me! I’m down to write starters for new interactions too, in case we haven’t interacted before.

———

stolen from: @asonswrath

steal it from me ùwú

#bee just saying things #what if i tagged this as development dkfkfjfj

[charmingpplincardigans]

Hokay! I am here to ramble more than anyone ever wanted in answer to @z-bot​, but like, I just love talking about poetry even though I have no idea what I’m doing, okay??? Okay! (Cut for your pleasure.)

Bonus Question I just made up: do you have any poems "in progress"? How do you usually approach poetry: do you write one and let it simmer, or does it all come out at once, or does it vary?

Yes! I do have poems in progress. I always have poems in progress. It’s very rare that any writing comes to me all at once. Sometimes this means that I’ll actively tinker with one over the course of several days or weeks. But also, sometimes it just means that I’m looking at something two years ago me thought was probably fine but which current me cannot abide. At this point it’s just like, as long as I’m a human in progress I will probably have poems in progress because, for better or worse, poetry is my pressure valve and the pillow I scream into when I don’t know how to pull a feeling out of myself any other way. (And when that fails I move on to the collaging.)

And it does vary but these days I mostly poem the way I collage, which is to say that I riffle through myself looking at all the different images or feelings or memories at my disposal and then mix and match them until I come away with something that more or less says what I’m trying to say. Poetry often feels like a puzzle to me in the way prose does not, because of how precise I feel I have to be about it.

Poetry does not give me the luxury of space, of corners to fill or walls to spill over. Poetry demands my attention and my patience. Poetry knows what it wants to be, even when I don’t know yet, and I just gotta keep chiseling at it until I hit angel, you know?

The first draft of any poem starts with a set of words or a tightness in my chest or a feeling of restlessness I can’t shake. I let that sit in me until I feel like I’m gonna choke. Then I get out my phone or my journal and go to work. The notes app on my phone is predominantly filled with poems in differing states of completion and lists of ideas for poems or chapbooks. In the beginning they are usually just stream of consciousness blocks of text that look like this: 

The game I’m playing with myself in draft one is called Oh God Oh God What Is This Feeling And How Do I Make It Make Sense? This works for both negative and positive feelings since I, a dummy, have been alive for more than three decades and still do not quite understand how it’s possible to feel things this intensely without passing out in self-preservation.

The trajectory of this one is pretty straight forward. More straightforward than usual tbh. The first bit of it is actually the bit that was playing in my brain on a loop for an hour before I sat up to tap it out, which is not always the case, but that night I was dealing with the very concrete fact of what it feels like to have yet another a panic attack and that thought spiral there is just the thought spiral I go on whenever that happens. Just curled up in bed obsessively thinking about how I’m gonna die.

at night in the quiet dark I can’t escape the beating of my heart, at night in the quiet dark I can’t escape the beating of my heart, at night in the quiet dark I can’t escape--

So it’s about a panic attack, fine, but there is very obviously more than one level of thing happening here and honestly, it wasn’t a thing I was going to admit to myself until I got to the end there. Because the not so subtle tilt of the poem idea is:

I am in pain -> the pain will end -> the pain will end or I will -> one day I will end -> oh god oh god there are so many things I have to get done before then -> oh hey there are things I meant to get done before she met her end -> oh.

And that last bit was the thing that, for me anyway, elevated my every day emotional vomit to something I could craft a sort of apology around, and it was that apology that felt important enough to me to find a way to properly say it. So I metaphorically popped my unpoppable knuckles and got to work. (I have never been able to crack my knuckles. I am both intrigued and horrified when other people do it.)

The second draft is a god awful mess. If I’m working longhand in a journal I will read through the brain dump to identify and underline any phrases or words that I think are particularly useful or pretty or precise. Then I rewrite those phrases on the next page in list form and go to work knitting them together into something that feels right. I can do this part ten or more times if I’m feeling particularly useless about it, but I find that if I do it more than three times then the whole thing starts to feel overwrought and I step away from it to think until I find a better way in to the feeling. That could happen the next day, or it could take a year.

There are just some things you don’t understand about yourself until you’ve done the work and earned the right to know them and that goes double for poems. Sometimes. It depends. But sometimes.

In this particular case the second draft was where I settled on a repetitive stanza opener because I realized that the repetition of the situation was integral to getting me to the epiphany at the end. Third middle of the night panic attack in two weeks and feeling like no not this again. The words themselves which I was thinking to myself like there was no difference between mindfulness and self-destruction. The fact that my own death has become a worn out thought to me because I think about it so very much. The person I’m never going to stop missing and the way I mentally flog myself over all of it.

There was also the feeling I wanted to capture of how all of this always makes me feel pulled and pulled until I’m translucent taffy, so:

Night stretches thin and all I am aware of...

Night stretches thin and all I can think...

Night stretches thin and all of this is to say...

The third draft (or the hundredth, I don’t know, we’ll pretend like this one was easy, it more or less was in this case) is where I get to play with form and function. I’ll have been flirting with stanzas and enjambment through every version I rewrite, but this is the stage where I can get serious about it because this is the stage where I’m familiar enough with the content to begin to know what it wants. The poem and I go from vous to tu, more or less.

For me this is the most fun part, just like it is in prose, because this is where I start letting myself really feel the possibility of the whole thing. There’s nothing I love more than a heady feeling of The Possible.

After that it’s just polishing the draft until I can read it while pretending someone else wrote it and try to discern whether I actually like it or if I’m just over-invested in the idea of it. I change a word here and there. I fiddle with commas. I decide whether I can live with it. This one I could live with, which you know because it’s been posted to the this blog. In my notes app it looks like this:

There are a great deal many more poems tucked about it my life that I can’t live with. Most of them will probably never see the light of computer screen or day. And I mean, anyone can look at what I do post or the ones that have been published and decide for themselves whether any of it is any good at all. It’s possible I’m just deluding myself or that I’m narcissistic and vain, but it’s also possible that sometimes I do alright. I’d like to believe the latter is true even if the former is also true.

This all...feels like a lot, which is something I think about all the time. I wonder if I’m just torturing it all for no reason. I wonder if anything I write will ever feel grounded to me in the way all of my favorite poems do. The work of my favorite poets often feels effortless in a way. Not like they’re effortless to create or enjoy, but like they belong effortlessly in the world. Then again, I don’t really feel like my physical existence belongs effortlessly in the world, so perhaps expecting that of my words is a tall ask for the time being.

I just have no idea what I’m doing, you know? I don’t feel like a poet, which is a literal argument I’ve had with friends. There was an intervention and everything. I feel like I’m doing this wrong, or doing it the hard way, and that nothing I can make this way will ever feel true in the way the words of other people feel true for me. All I know is that sometimes I just have to say this stuff “out loud” and most of the time all I want from my life is to have left something beautiful behind and sometimes I feel like I’ve said a thing that will become lovely under the eyes of a person who could see themselves in it.

So I just keep taking my feelings out of my chest and turning them over under better light in an effort to stumble my way into understanding what it means to be anything at all. And you all keep having to scroll past it and ignore the twinge of secondhand embarrassment. Lucky you!

#z-bot #poetry #kl has a large barrel of wine but no cups #I write things #not like #popular things that a ton of people care about #but things all the same #god bless the ten of you who consistently give a shit tbh #I love you #let's all meet up and hug it out #also I can't help but think about how many times #someone has commented on my prose writing #and told me it was poetry or that it was poetic #because fic is made of spillage! #fic is the place where I go to just flood everything out until i'm plump and sated #and yeah sometimes it's pretty because pretty is what i'm shooting for #but it's never half as precise or half as quick as these small things are #that's a fight I have with myself fucking daily #because i want my prose to sound like my poetry #but ain't no one got the energy to keep that up for thousands of words #either to write it or to read it #the struggle in fic between style and approachability is real