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goodlittlerobot · 10 months

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Steve doesn’t really understand how he got here. His life has definitely been weird the past few years, but he thinks that hanging out alone, with Eddie “The Freak” Munson, in his bedroom, might take the cake.

He sort of knows how it happened, after everything happened last spring, things started to settle. The town worked on rebuilding, Vecna seems to be gone, or at least maybe under control, school started back up for the kids, work resumed, everyone was just trying to get back to whatever normal was now.

And as things slowly got a little more boring, Steve found himself with more time to spend with friends and less worrying about the world ending. But as Steve started forming a friend group, Eddie Munson somehow became a part of it. Which Steve wasn’t upset about, Eddie had won him over in the upside down. He didn’t dislike Eddie, he’d actually grown on Steve a lot, which was unexpected.

As unexpected as it was, Steve still gets how it happens, but ending up alone with Eddie like this? Technically he knows how that happened too. The whole group had gotten together for a while at Eddie’s, then Robin and Nancy had decided to split up and go have their own night, complaining that there was “too much testosterone in the air”. Steve didn’t blame them and was happy to see Nancy and Robin become friends as well.

But after Jonathan and Argyle left a little early, it was just Steve and Eddie. And that’s when Steve quickly became aware of the fact that he’s never really been alone with Eddie before, and he isn’t sure why that makes him nervous. Sure, they’ve been alone but not for that long and not like this. But even still, Steve isn’t sure why he’s getting so flustered.

Eddie is smiling and telling him all about…something. Steve realizes he stopped listening a while ago, but he knows Eddie’s excited so he’s doing his best to act like he’s listening.

Eddie finishes with a “you know?”, Steve nods and hopes it’s convincing. “Where’d I lose ya, Harrington?” -it wasn’t.

Steve sighs, “Yeah, I zoned out pretty hard there.” He admits, smiling a little.

Eddie laughs, Steve’s heart flips. That’s weird. “Okay, let me try this again…”

It’s a few hours before Steve leaves Eddie’s place, they’d both completely lost track of time while talking. Eddie played some records, and Steve didn’t even hate them like he thought he would. They ended up listening to music and laying on Eddie’s floor, they hadn’t shut up in hours but suddenly the room was quiet. Eddie has his eyes closed, his hands behind his head and a soft, small smile on his face. Steve cannot look away. He keeps telling himself to look away, he knows Eddie’s gonna catch him staring. Steve is searching Eddie’s face for answers, but he doesn’t know what questions he’s asking. His heart is racing and his hands are starting to feel like static, and he can’t look away.

And then it happens, Eddie’s eyes open slowly and he turns his head to face Steve, “Like what you see, Harrington?”

Steve’s breath catches and he doesn’t know why. “Yeah-“ he realizes what he says, as it comes out of his mouth. “I mean no-“ he finally tears his eyes away from Eddie to close them and run a hand over his face. “I mean, wait-“

Eddie laughs, “If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you had a crush on me.” He looks away from Steve and grins at the ceiling.

Steve lets that repeat in his head, and it keeps repeating. His chest feels tight and his face is hot, shit he knows he’s blushing. He shakes his head, hoping the thoughts will just fly out. “No, no, no. I-I’m just-I didn’t mean to like, stare at you, I was thinking and I just-“ he is falling over his words, he isn’t even sure how he’s talking, the only thing he can hear right now is Eddie’s voice still echoing in the back of his mind.

A big smile spreads on Eddie’s face slowly, he’s the one staring now. “I was joking, jesus.” He chuckles lightly.

Steve starts to feel a little more relaxed, but he still feels like he’s…drunk? high? dreaming? He turns his head again and locks eyes with Eddie, the second he does his heart flips again and he makes a note to see a fucking doctor.

Neither of them say anything for a second, it feels like a lot longer to Steve. He’s never felt this self conscious before. He’s so aware of how much space is between he and Eddie, it’s less than a foot, and Steve can suddenly feel the heat coming from the boy next to him. He starts to wonder seriously if maybe he is dreaming, and then he finally pulls his eyes away from Eddie’s to the clock on Eddie’s dresser. “Holy shit, it’s late.” He says sitting up, “I completely forgot I have to work in the morning. I better go.”

Eddie sits up too and watches as Steve stands up and grabs his jacket off of the bed frame. “Lame.” He says, standing up to follow Steve out. “but responsible.”

When they say goodbye, Steve keeps thinking he’s forgetting something. He’s checked his pockets like ten times, he knows he’s good, what is he missing? He realizes as he’s walking to his car that he just doesn’t really want to leave, he wants to stay. He wants to keep listening to records and he wants to keep laying next to Eddie.

When he starts driving away, he glances back he notices Eddie, still leaning against his doorframe, still watching Steve. That’s when Steve starts hearing Eddie’s stupid joke playing in his head again.

And he hears it over and over and over, the rest of the night. He hears it when he drives home, he hears it when he showers, as he brushes his teeth, and it’s the loudest when he tries to sleep. He tosses and turns for hours, unable to stop replaying the night in his head, unable to think about anything but Eddie Munson. Usually he’d be grateful for a night with no flashes of monsters and death in his mind, but tonight he thinks he might prefer it.

Around 2am he sits up, throws his blanket to the side in frustration and just sits on the side of his bed for a minute. He debates going downstairs and just waiting out the next few hours until he has to go to work. He thinks about taking a walk, maybe that would clear his head? He’s way too tired for that though.

He just sighs and puts his head in his hands, he decides the only thing he can do right now is face it.

“If i didn’t know better, I’d say you have a crush on me, Harrington.”

He thinks about it one more time. He asks himself why is he feeling the same way he felt the first time he liked a girl, why was he as nervous at Eddie’s house as he was on his very first date? Why did his heart flip when Eddie smiled at him the same way it used to for Nancy?

Because that’s the thing, six months ago Steve was planning this big life in his head with Nancy. He was in love with her, he was attracted to her, he liked her. He doesn’t like Eddie. -Not like that.

Steve Harrington isn’t gay, he knows that. He knows that because he still thinks Nancy is beautiful, he thinks Robin is beautiful, he’s attracted to girls. Steve loves girls, he likes their long hair, he likes their soft lips, he likes boobs. If Steve knows anything, he knows he likes boobs.

Eventually he talks himself down enough to lay back down. He likes girls. He doesn’t even know why he was acting like that now, he feels like an idiot.

So, of course his heart wasn’t doing flips because he likes Eddie. He was tired, he was distracted, and it was his first time one on one with his new friend. He was just a little nervous? Yeah, no, he was just a little nervous. He likes girls. He didn’t think that when Eddie smiles the world feels brighter, and he definitely didn’t notice that Eddie’s hand accidentally brushed against his when they were talking, and he never even thought about how those brown eyes would just light up when Eddie got excited.

Steve likes girls. He likes girls with long, wild hair, he likes girls with big brown eyes, he likes girls with soft lips, he likes girls with tattoos, he likes girls with ripped jeans, he likes girls who play weird dorky games, he likes girls who listen to heavy metal, he likes girls who look at him for a little too long while they lay on the floor together. Steve likes girls.

And that’s what he tells himself the rest of the night, but the rest of the night only lasts a minute or two before he finally falls into a peaceful sleep.

He wishes. Instead he’s tossed right back into Eddie’s room, the faint sounds of guitars and laughter fill the space, brown eyes on him again. Maybe it is a little peaceful, until he hears his alarm.

He wakes up, the room finally bright again, he barely recognizes it after spending so long tossing and turning in the dark last night. He sits up and shuts his alarm off, he sleepily makes his way to the bathroom and somewhere between brushing his teeth and getting dressed he remembers his dream. He just remembers flashes, bits and pieces. He remembers Eddie. He tells himself it’s not a big deal, even though something in him is begging to disagree.

He ends up being a couple minutes late, and when he gets in he expects to hear Robin giving him shit about it, but instead he hears “What happened?”

He furrows his brow and looks at Robin, who is giving him a look for some reason. “Hmm?” he barely had the energy for that reply, but he makes his way in and throws his jacket on the counter as he gets the rest of his things ready.

“You look awful, Harrington.” Robin says from behind him, “Are you sick?”

Steve blinks, and turns to face her. “Actually, you know what?” He laughs a little, and Robin gives him a concerned look. “Yeah, maybe. Maybe.” It all makes sense, that’s gotta be it. He’s sick. He’s coming down with something and he’s just getting confused because he’s sick. He’s just sick. “You know, that would explain it. I’ve been feeling so weird.”

Robin frowns a little, “Do you need to go home? What’s wrong? fever? Chills? Headache? You know, I was reading this magazine with Nancy last night and it said that you could cure almost anything with tea-“

“I’m good, I’m good.” Steve smiles, cutting Robin off. “I don’t feel sick, but no like I’m probably about to be sick or something.” He rationalizes out loud. “I barely slept, I was up all night.”

Robin gives him a weird look, “Wait, you don’t feel sick? Why were you up all night?”

Shit. Now he doesn’t know what to say, he usually finds it hard to lie to Robin. Steve thinks her habit of oversharing must be contagious. He opens his mouth to reply, but closes it and just kinda shrugs. But she’s still looking at him, confused. “I was just…I couldn’t sleep.”

“Yeah?” She looks him over for a second before going back to her stack of returned VHS tapes she’s sorting through, without looking up she asks “How long did you stay at Eddie’s after Nance and I left?”

Steve looks at her out of the corner of his eye for a second, “I was there a while, I dunno.” He says quietly, pretending to be reading the cover of the movie in his hands. “I uh, I ended up listening to records with Eddie for a few hours.”

“A few hours?” Robin looks at him again, “With, like- you and Eddie alone?”

He doesn’t know what to say, or why Robin is asking like that. He’s had enough of confusion and questions in the past how every many hours, he just looks at Robin for a second, takes a breath as if he’s gonna say something and decides against it again, instead he simply walks away with the VHS still in his hands. He doesn’t even know what it is, he glances down and reads the title for real this time. It goes on the other side of the store, he turns and pretends he doesn’t notice Robin following him.

“Like just the two of you?” She asks again, on his heels. “Have you ever even been alone before?

He puts the tape away and sighs. “Yeah, we were alone. I don’t see why that’s a big deal.” He crosses his arms.

“What?” She scoffs. “It’s not, it’s just you guys are kind of…” She trails off and Steve raises an eye brow at her, “opposites.” she finishes.

Steve relaxes, he doesn’t know why he got so nervous. He doesn’t know why he thinks that Robin would think…-okay, he’s overthinking things. “I don’t know, he’s cool.” He shrugs, avoiding looking at Robin. “I guess we’re friends now.”

Robin nods slowly. “Just when I thought I’d seen it all, King Steve listening to heavy metal with the town weirdo.” She snorts softly. “Now that’s something.”

He rolls his eyes. “Let’s just do our jobs for once, okay?”

The rest of their shift goes by completely normally, it’s a slow day, there’s not a ton to do and they’re just about finished for the day so they have time to sit around and talk. Steve is thankful for the downtime, he is exhausted and all he can think about is going home and going to sleep.

He’s doing his best to not doze off right now, sitting on the counter and talking to Robin as she organizes the candy for probably the tenth time today. She’s rambling, and it’s comforting even if Steve isn’t paying close attention.

The bell chimes from the door and Steve begrudgingly slides off the counter out of habit, he goes to turn to greet whoever came in when he hears a familiar “Hey, Harrington.” and his heart does that thing again.

He blinks a few times and keeps thinking he’s going to respond but doesn’t. He’s thought about Eddie so much these past how ever many hours that he’s not even sure if Eddie is really here or if he’s just hallucinating. But then Eddie adds, “Buckley, my lady.” with a small, dorky bow.

Robin laughs and rolls her eyes, “Thank god you showed up, it’s slow as shit and I don’t know what you did to Steve last night but he’s been falling asleep for the past half an hour.”

Steve tries so hard to say anything before Eddie can, he already knows there’s going to be some kind of retort, but Steve’s too slow.

“Sounds like I wore you out, huh big boy?” Eddie smirks and looks up at Steve as he leans his forearms against the counter.

Steve’s chest feels like his heart might just burst out of it, it’s beating so fast. “Yeah, whatever.” He rolls his eyes, wiping his palms on his pants absentmindedly, why are they sweaty? He’s sick. He’s for sure sick. “What brings you in, Munson?”

“Well I’d like to say I just missed you nerds, but believe it or not I need a movie.” He taps his knuckles on the counter quickly. “Got a date, recommend something, Steve.”

“A date?” Robin and Steve say at the same time, but with differing tones. Robin sounds interested, Steve sounds shocked.

“Oh, is that such a surprise?” Eddie rolls his eyes and makes his way to the first rack of movies he sees.

“Kinda?” Steve admits, turning to follow Eddie. “You should have Robin recommend something, she’d be better at knowing what girls like.”

Eddie looks at Steve for a second and Steve knows there’s a reason for this look, but he’s unable to figure out what it is. “Probably so.” Eddie says slowly, “But hey, you’re ‘The Hair’, I know you’ve got moves.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He shrugs. He looks around for Robin and notices she’d stayed behind at the counter, he also sees that she’s been watching them. Steve takes note of that but keeps talking to Eddie, he tries to hide that his hands are shaky while he gives suggestions.

They walk and talk around the store, it feels easy but it’s not. Not for Steve at least, he feels like his brain is running on empty. After a handful of recommendations, Eddie is reading the back of a case and Steve can’t stop himself from asking “So who’s the girl?” he asks quietly, and he’s not sure why.

Eddie looks at him, “What?”

Steve attempts a small smile, “Your date?”

“Oh,” Eddie blows out a laugh, but pauses, he looks at Steve for a second and now Steve feels like maybe he’s the one with answers on his face this time because Eddie has this look, and Steve can tell he wants to say something.

Steve doesn’t break eye contact though, even though his brain is begging him to stop looking at Eddie, he can’t. He isn’t sure why his eyes betray him this way, but he glances at Eddie’s mouth for a second and he nearly falls over when it hits him. He kinda wants…maybe- no. Steve likes girls.

“How’s the movie search going?” Robin asks, and Steve isn’t sure when she got so close.

Eddie looks at her as if he wasn’t just looking right into Steve’s soul, he smiles “Harrington here has been a delight, you should give him a raise.”

“If i had that power, I would use it to fire him for standing around and flirting with the customers all day.” Robin says,

“Oh my god.” Steve mutters, rolls his eyes and heads for the counter. “I’ll be over here, working, if you two wanna keep doing…this.” He takes a stack of movies and wishes he knew what they were for but he’s gotten pretty good at just looking like he’s working today.

Robin and Eddie stay behind, chatting. Steve tries his hardest to not listen, he’s not sure why he cares. He doesn’t care. There’s nothing to care or not care about. He does a good job at minding his business at first.

“So did you pick a movie for your date?” is all Robin says, but just the word date is enough to get Steve’s attention. But, he doesn’t care. He’s screaming in his head to stop listening, but doesn’t.

“Yeah, but movie nights aren’t really about the movie, right?” Eddie says and Steve doesn’t look but he can hear his smirk. “Mostly background noise.”

Steve feels a new feeling he can’t name. It doesn’t feel like it did last night anymore. Last night was weird, but it felt better than this. This unidentified feeling feels…bad. His heart is still beating like crazy, but not quite like it was. No, now he feels kind of like he’s mad. Why is he mad? Jealous? He feels kind of jealous. No. Steve decided that’s crazy, forces himself to stop listening and just takes a breath. He’s losing it.

He gets out of his head just in time to see Eddie and Robin heading back to the counter, he reminds himself to act normal but already knows he’ll fail.

“Alright, Harrington. I’m going to listen to you but if this movie sucks i’m never taking your advice again.” He puts the movie down and Robin takes care of the rest.

Steve leans on the counter behind Robin, facing Eddie. “Listen, just rewind it before you bring it back, ‘kay?”

“Whatever you say, big boy.” Eddie says, before grabbing the movie. “Tell you what, if it doesn’t suck, you can suggest another movie and we’ll watch it together, make a night of it.”

Steve can feel his face go red. He knows Eddie did not mean it like that, he knows that. He still can’t stop the images that spark throughout his brain. He can’t help but think about how a night like that might go. He takes a shaky breath, “Yeah-“ his voice is too high, he clears his throat a little. “yeah, no movie night sounds fun.” He glances over to Robin, who is a little wide eyed and Steve can tell she’s dying to say something but she can’t. “Movie night?” He says, a little quickly, nodding. “We sh-should do a movie night with like, all of us one night. That-that could be fun?” He says, putting a hand on his hip, and he’s not sure how to stop stumbling over his words and he’s also not sure why he’s only looking at Robin now. He’s spent this whole time nearly unable to tear his eyes away from Eddie, but now he can’t get himself to look at him. “Hmm?” He adds because Robin is still silent.

She nods, “No, yeah. That would be super fun!” She says, but Steve sees her wheels turning and he desperately wants to stop them for a second because he can tell she’s about to do something. “Oh, but like, I’ve been so busy with, stuff. and Jonathan and Nancy are…you know they’re in love and they do stuff-together i mean, they spend a lot of time together, as a couple. And you know, I think if it takes us a while to find a good time you and Eddie should solo it…i guess it’s not solo if it’s together but, you could be like, alone together, kind of poetic.” She smiles. “Just saying, you know since everyone’s so busy right now, maybe you guys should go ahead.”

Steve looks at Robin with a please oh my god stop look, “Yeah.” is all he can get out.

Eddie smirks and looks between them. “Alright, I’m out of here, kids.”

“Have fun.” Robin calls out as Eddie walks toward the door.

“Always.” Eddie replies, “Later, Harrington.”

Steve can only bring himself to wave. When Eddie leaves, Steve waits about one second, looks around the store, walks over and locks the door.

“We are not closed.” Robin says, “And I don’t think closing the store is good for business.”

“What is going on?” Steve says, feeling like he’s finally cracking. “I-I mean, like all night right? Like I was up all night, and then when I finally did sleep? Guess what? That was all…messed up too. Like, I think there’s something going on.” He turns to Robin, he can tell he looks a little crazy, and his arms are swinging as he talks with his hands, “So I wake up, I go to work, and like… today?”

“I am gonna need some kind of context, or a clue, Steve.” Robin says and then glances at the door. “Oh, duh.” She adds, mostly under her breath.

“No,” Steve shakes his head, wondering if she can see into it. “whatever you’re thinking no, no.” He turns to unlock the door but stops, “That was weird, right?”

“What? You locking the door and saying gibberish?” She asks, walking past him to unlock it herself. “Yeah, a little weird.”

“You know what I’m talking about, Robin.” He says, a little louder than he meant to. “Like that whole thing at the end?” He crosses his arms, “Since when is everyone I know too busy to hang out? I saw you all yesterday!”

“I know, but I thought maybe you and Eddie should spend some more time together, you know? He said he had a great time last night, and I think you did too.”

Steve can’t stop himself, “He said he had a good time?”

“A great time.” Robin repeats with a smirk. “So?”

“I’m not-“ he starts and suddenly his throat is dry, he shakes his head a little. “I’m not-“ He tries again and fails. Robin is waiting, Steve can tell she’s gonna try to let him talk. But he’s not sure if he can. “I don’t-…”

“Shh.” She presses a finger to his lips, “you have been a crazy man today, Steve.” She walks back to the counter and sits on top of it. “Look, if you wanna talk about whatever is going on, I am here to listen, and if you want to never speak of it, well, i’ll just talk enough for both of us, yeah?”

He nods. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s going on.” He leans on the counter next to her. “I just, I guess like…” he trails off, and looks at her, “I don’t wanna talk.” He admits, and even he can hear how pathetic he sounds right now.

“Good, my turn.” She smiles and Steve hopes she knows how thankful he is.

He goes about the next two days as well as he can, no one has noticed that he’s been avoiding pretty much everything yet. He goes to work, he does what he needs to and he goes home. And for two days that worked, but Dustin called and asked if he wanted to go do something so Steve picked him up, and they went out for lunch and hung around Hawkins, killing time in the few stores that had rebuilt already. It was nice, and Steve felt more relaxed than he had in days.

Until on the drive to drop Dustin back off at home, Dustin suddenly says “Shit, I forgot, could you drop me off at Eddie’s?”

The request takes Steve by surprise for no reason, he does this all the time. It’s a normal thing, why would Steve care? He doesn’t. Sure, he’s been avoiding Eddie like the plague for reasons that aren’t entirely even clear to himself but this is fine. It’s fine. “Eddie’s?”

“Yeah, I almost forgot, I got a few new comics that he and I were talking about so-“

“Yeah, no, I mean, yeah I can take you to Eddie’s.” Steve nods and thinks he manages to sound mostly normal, “like his place?”

“Yes.” Dustin answers slowly. “Did you hit your head? You’ve been so weird.”

“You’re weird.” Steve retorts but there’s nothing in his voice to back it up. “I haven’t been weird.”

“You’ve been weird, even weirder than usual.”

Steve scoffs, and they ride in silence for a minute. He doesn’t want to go to Eddie’s, he knows it’ll be fast, he’s just dropping Dustin off. But if he sees Eddie, he’s going to think about Eddie, and he’s going to think about Eddie’s date and then he’s gonna only think about all of that for the rest of the night. But now he’s already thinking it, and he can’t stop. They’re nearly there when Steve blurts out “Does Eddie have a girlfriend?”

Dustin looks a little surprised, “I don’t think so.” He says. “Eddie doesn’t really talk about girls.”

Steve nods. “Right, I was just wondering cause like, if he doesn’t…maybe I’ll set him up with someone, you know?” He hopes the lie at least makes sense, but judging by the look on Dustin’s face it doesn’t. “Like I-I figured, since we’re friends now and-“

“You’re friends?” Dustin asks, looking suspicious.

“Yeah,” Steve says, glancing over at Dustin, “is that cool?”

Dustin smiles and nods, “It’s very cool. I told you that you’d like him.”

Steve sighs, “You were right, okay?” He looks over at Dustin and things feel like they make sense again, for the first time in weeks, in months. Maybe years? “I do like him.” Steve says, but when he says it out loud it all kind of just hits him.

He does like him. He likes Eddie. He likes Eddie. He likes Eddie? All those feelings come flooding in, he starts to panic but this is not the time. Not only is Dustin smiling next to him in the passenger seat, but he’s also literally pulling into Eddie’s. His hands are shaking and feel a little numb when he stops the car, his ears are ringing and his chest is tight. He hears Dustin in the distance, but quickly realizes he’s still in the car with him.

“Steve?” Dustin says, again and Steve blinks back to reality. His eyes oddly damp, and his face a shade too red. “Steve?”

“Yeah?” He says, not looking away from the steering wheel. “Yeah. Sorry, I just remembered I-“ he stops, shaking his head a little. He smiles at Dustin before pulling him into a hug. “I just remembered that I should never doubt you.”

“Jesus, dude-“ Dustin pushes him off, “seriously, you are so weird.”

Steve laughs. “Have fun, don’t do anything stupid.” He says as Dustin gets out.

Dustin goes to say something but is cut off, no. Not now. “Harrington!”

Steve freezes, mouth open slightly, he looks at Dustin as he runs toward Eddie. Steve sighs, he thinks quickly about just absolutely gunning it. He could be gone in thirty seconds, he doesn’t even have to stop driving. He can just leave, run away, never talk to anyone again, change his name, start a new life- he opens the car door and takes a breath, when get gets out he feels like his legs are jello, and he stumbles a little before leaning on his car. “H-hey, uh I-“ He stops, seeing Eddie is too much right now. Steve likes him. He’s trying so hard to act normal, how does he act normal? He likes Eddie.

“You got a while? We’re gonna read comics and hang, you’re invited.” Eddie says, and it’s so casual. Steve doesn’t feel casual.

“No, no, I would, but I-I’m going to Robin’s so-“ he absolutely had no plans with Robin, but he decided before he even got out of the car that he was definitely going to her house as soon as he left here, he’s not even sure if she’s home. He doesn’t care, he’ll wait. “thanks though.” He attempts a smile, but he worries he looks more pained.

“Cool, maybe next time.” Eddie waves, Steve nods and goes to get back in the car, “Oh,” Eddie stops, and looks back at Steve. “The flick? It was good, Harrington. Movie night soon, yeah?”

Steve feels like he could scream, this is a lot for him to take at once. But when he actually goes to reply, his voice gets stuck in his throat and he can just sort of nod like an idiot for a second before choking out a quick “Yeah, yeah, absolutely.” He clears his throat, “Sounds good.”

Eddie smiles, and it’s so bright and warm and intoxicating. “It’s a date.”

Steve’s breath catches and he isn’t sure what the right response is. He is freaking out, he needs to get to Robin’s. He barely chokes out “I-uh, Robin-“ before he just decides he’s had enough, waves again, gets in his car and heads out.

The whole way to Robin’s, Steve keeps replaying the other night at Eddie’s in his head, but his whole perspective has changed. He has the questions now, he has names for these feelings, he has words for these thoughts.

He likes Eddie. But, Steve likes girls. How can that happen? Can he like both? Can he just like, make an exception?

He keeps trying to tell himself that maybe he’s losing it, and he’s making this up in his head. He thinks maybe he’s just confused, or sick, or tired, or something. Because he can’t like Eddie, right?

But then he thinks of the other night, and how maybe when Eddie’s hand brushed his, it wasn’t an accident. He thinks about how he couldn’t stop staring at Eddie because he didn’t want to, he wants to stare at him. He wants to look at his hair, and his eyes, and his body. He really wants to look at his body. Steve tries to hit the brakes on that thought, but can’t stop it. He wants to touch Eddie, he wants to feel his hair, he knows it’s soft. He wants Eddie’s hand to brush against his again, he wants it to stay there. He wants more.

He gets to Robin’s and wastes no time, barely remembering to shut the car door behind him before he darts to Robin’s front door. He knocks and things finally work out for once, she’s home and she answers. “Steve?” Her smile fades quickly when she looks at him, “Uh, you good? Did you run here?”

“What?” He realizes now that he seems a little out of breath, “No, no. I need to talk to you.”

“Everything okay?” She asks, her brow furrowed, “Is everybody okay?”

“Everyone is good, it’s me-I’m fine, but-“ he sighs and takes a quick look around, “I can’t talk about this here.”

“Lucky for you my parents aren’t home, I’m not supposed to have boys in my room.”

Steve chuckles a little as he goes inside and follows her to her room. Once they’re in Steve realizes he doesn’t even know where to start. He doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t even know if he should say anything.

What if he’s crazy and this is just like, something that’ll go away in a few days? What if this is all made up in his head and he doesn’t actually feel these feelings.

But it felt real, it felt real when they were sitting in Eddie’s room laughing together, it felt real when they were laying on his floor listening to records, it felt real when Eddie smiled at him. Steve tries his best to tell himself maybe it’s not real. But it is. He knows it is. He’s just stuck in this loop of uncertainty and he doesn’t know how to get out. He knows talking to Robin will help, that’s why he came over. He needs to say something, but where does he even begin? He isn’t sure where any of this began. One day he barely knew Eddie, and all of a sudden, they’re friends and Steve likes him?

Robin sits on her bed and looks up at him, Steve starts fidgeting with his hands and isn’t sure if he wants to sit or not. He feels restless. “So what’s going on?” Robin asks, calmly. “This isn’t like a spooky monster or government secret thing, right?”

“No,” Steve waves a hand dismissively. “Nothing like that, it’s…it’s personal.” Steve starts pacing just a little. “Like I’m physically fine but my brain is-“

“I mean everyone knows you’ve been acting weird this week.” Robin says, bluntly. Steve gives her a quick look of annoyance before she continues. “What’s going on? Is it like, girl troubles?” Robin raises her eyebrows.

“Robin,” He groans, -he knows he can tell her. Why can’t he tell her? He doesn’t think he has the guts to say this out loud. “Not exactly.” He says it slow, looking at her nervously.

“It’s not about Nancy, is it?” She asks, sitting up a little straighter. Steve can tell she’s fighting a smirk, she’s doing a good job of it but Steve can still tell.

“Oh my god.” Steve mutters. “Absolutely not, no. I told you, that’s over.” He runs a hand through his hair, “It’s not Nancy.”

Robin just stares at him for a second, waiting. Steve just holds her stare and she gives in, “Okay! So, what?” She throws her hands up a little, “This is about whatever has been making you crazy, right?”

Steve nods, and makes a noncommittal noise.

“So what is it, Harrington?”

Steve takes a breath and turns to fully face Robin again, “Look, whatever I say next stays between us, right? Like, no one else can know.”

Robin leans forward a little, “Of course, come on. We both have secrets.” She reminds him and it makes him feel better for a minute.

He drags a hand across his face and starts, “I-“ he stops, not sure what to say, not sure if he should even say anything, not sure if he should tell Robin everything, tell her that he’s having a breakdown because he thinks he likes boys, but he knows he likes girls, and that even if that wasn’t an issue, Eddie? Why Eddie? And can he even tell Robin that? Would that make all the times they hang out weird? But, he can’t bring himself to care as much as maybe he should. He knows he wants to tell her, he just doesn’t know how. He puts his hands on his hips, thinking it over for a second. He still has to say something, “Okay, look so, I like-“ he stops again, trying to choose his words carefully, “someone.” he finally says.

“Yeah?” She smiles, before gasping a little. “Love sick!” she says, pointing at him for a second. “That’s what was going on the other day, Steve.”

He rolls his eyes, “No, it’s not like-“ he scoffs, “I just, you know, I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Well, who is she?”

Steve feels his heart drop a little, this is the part he isn’t sure he can admit. Not only to Robin, but just out loud. He thinks about just making up a girls name and forgetting all of this.

But he can’t, because his brain has been caught on a loop of the past week. Eddie’s house, the video store, Eddie having a date, feelings having no names, he thinks of the heavy metal that was playing in the background and how he could barely hear it over his own heart pounding in his ears. He can’t fight it, he’s tried. He’s powerless.

“Robin,” He starts, weakly, leaning against her wall. His heart is beating fast again, and he can hardly bring himself to look at her, his eyes are wet now and he doesn’t know why. “This isn’t about a girl.” He admits, and he hopes she gets it.

She blinks at him a couple times and he can see that she’s thinking her next few words over carefully, something she actually does well for occasions like this. “Okay,” She nods, slowly, looking at Steve like he might break if she moves too quick. He doesn’t like it, but he can tell she’s just trying to keep him calm for this. “You like someone.” She starts, and looks up at Steve.

He nods and doesn’t say anything because he knows he can’t right now, he does not want to cry about this.

“And it’s not a girl?”

Steve swallows and shakes his head, “Nope.” He finally chokes out. “I, uh, I like…” He looks at Robin, he tries to stop himself, but he can’t. He knows this could mess everything up, but he feels like maybe he should tell her everything. It felt good to tell her part of it. Mostly, he just doesn’t want to be alone with these thoughts anymore. He sighs, sliding down the wall and sitting on the floor. “I’ve been losing my mind, Robin.” He admits, his voice low. He feels himself losing the fight he’s been having in his own head, if he doesn’t get this over with he’s going to explode. He can trust Robin, he reminds himself before taking a breath and starting again. “The other night, I couldn’t sleep, I was up nearly the whole night thinking about him, right? And then I-I finally fall asleep and I fucking dream about him, I kept thinking about everything, I kept going over the whole night, you know? We talked, we listened to music, but the whole time I could barely pay attention to anything, I didn’t care about any of it. I just wanted be around him. And then, like, he says stuff that I know is a joke, but god, it still just…” He trails off and checks to see if Robin’s going to say anything, he’s sure she’s probably dying to ask questions or say something.

But Robin is just watching him, with somewhat concerned eyes, and just waiting for him to finish. She gives a small nod encouragingly when she notices him looking at her.

Steve looks away and sighs, “Robin, I like him.” His voice breaks again, just slightly. “I like him so much.”

“I know,” She says, nodding. “And that’s okay!”

Steve scoffs. “I can’t like him.”

“Why not?” Robin throws her hands up, “You can so like him.”

“I can’t like him.” He repeats, shaking his head. “For starters, I still like girls so-“

Robin gives him a puzzled look, “Steve,” she laughs softly, “You can like girls and like guys too!”

Steve just looked at her. “Are you serious?” He asks, sitting up away from the wall a little.

Robin looks at him for a second, smiling. “Yeah, Harrington. You can like whoever, you don’t have to pick guys or girls.”

“Shit.” He says, blinking and resting his head against the wall. “I thought I was like…the only one.”

Robin rolls her eyes, “Sorry, you’re not special.” She smiles, “You’re just bisexual.”

“Oh, huh.” Steve looks down, he lets it soak in for a second. This whole time he thought this was something wrong with him but it has a name. He can just like whoever he likes. He chuckles a bit, feeling a little embarrassed for freaking out about it. “Learned something new, I guess.”

“It’s not like you could have known. Look around this town, not a lot of people like us.” She says shrugging. “But welcome aboard, glad to have you. “

“Yeah, thanks.” Steve rolls his eyes. “That solves that but like, what do I do?”

“Well, technically you still haven’t told me who this is.” Robin says, grinning.

Steve glares at her for a second, “Robin, don’t make me say it.” He whines a little.

“How can I help if I don’t know who it is?”

Steve closes his eyes and presses his palms to his face for a second. “Robin, oh my god.”

She tries to hide laughter, but isn’t very successful. “it could be anybody!”

“Fine, fine!” Steve throws his hands up in defeat and looks at her, she is absolutely radiating excitement and he hates how endearing it is. “Eddie.” He says, but as quietly as possible. It still feels awkward to say out loud.

“Hmm?” Robin puts her hand to her ear, “I didn’t catch that?”

“Eddie!” Steve shouts a little, tossing his head back in defeat. “I like Eddie.” He admits and another weight floats off of him. “I really fucking like Eddie.” And now he feels like he kind of wants to keep saying it, it’s therapeutic after days of bottling things up and keeping secrets from himself.

Robin sits up on her knees, “I knew it! I knew it! I-I’ve known it for months!” She says excitedly.

Steve sits up straighter, “I’ve only known for like, an hour. How could you have known for months?”

“Oh, please.” She rolls her eyes, “It’s so obvious you guys like each other, all you do is stare and flirt. It’s pathetic!”

Steve’s whole body feels hot, he feels sick, but he feels almost hopeful. “He-no. You’re so wrong, there’s no way-“ he shakes his head. “You’re crazy, he doesn’t- he likes girls.”

“Steve, you like girls.”

Steve’s eyebrows go up and he nods a little, “That’s fair.”

“And how do you know? How do you know he doesn’t like you?”

“Why would he like me?” Steve shrugs, “Like we have almost nothing in common, you know?”

“So? He liked hanging out with you. If you guys are so incompatible, why would he want to hang out with you? Alone?”

Steve sighs, “There’s no way.” He says again, seriously. “And we don’t-we don’t stare at each other.”

“Yes, you do! All the time! Just like, get a room, oh my god. It’s disgusting.”

Steve laughs and for the first time he can breathe. He feels okay. He thinks maybe this won’t be so bad. Maybe he can just navigate this crush and somehow keep things together. But eventually he realizes he can’t just stay here in Robin’s room forever, and sooner or later he’s going to see Eddie again, they’re going to hang out and Steve is going to have to pretend that he isn’t hopelessly obsessed with him.

He and Robin talk for a while, and things start to settle for the night. It feels weird to just keep going through life after this. He’s supposed to just go home and go to bed after it feels like his whole world has flipped? He realizes he’s fucking head over heels for someone and he’s supposed to just act like he’s not?

It’s quiet for a minute and he and Robin are sitting across from each other on the bed, both lost in thought. He glances at her, “What do I do now?”

She looks like she thinks it over for a minute, before taking a breath, “You could go to his house, tell him how you feel and make out the rest of the night.” She looks at him and gives a small shrug, “That’s an option.”

Steve’s breathing gets a little shaky, that was definitely not something he’d considered. He tries to stop thinking about it, but he wants to. He shakes his head, “No, that’s not happening. I’m not gonna tell him.”

“Well maybe see if he wants to hang out, then you could kind of get a feel for things. Maybe you’ll see that he does like you and you can just see what happens.” She suggests and Steve doesn’t hate this idea.

He thinks it over, another night alone with Eddie, another night where Steve would get his full attention, another night where Steve could lay way too close next to him, a night where Eddie might let his fingers linger against Steve’s again. Steve nearly feels lightheaded just thinking about it. “Maybe.”

“Hey, he was just talking about a movie night, right?”

Steve’s eyes snap shut and he puts his head in his hands, “Oh my god.”

“Okay, so maybe not-“

“No, yeah. He just…when i dropped Dustin off he actually asked about that.” He looks at Robin a little nervously, he can feel his face going red. “I said sure, he said it’s a date, and I just-“ Steve makes a motion with his hand, “got the hell outta there, I came straight here.”

“Oh.” Robin says, “Even better, sounds like you already have plans!” Steve worries her face is going to get stuck with this excited smile she has.

“I don’t want to,” Steve sighs, nerves building already just thinking about it. “but yeah, i’ll try, okay?”

“That’s the spirit!”

The next few days, Steve tries his best to be cool. He’s not freaking out like he was, he knows better now. He knows more now. That doesn’t mean he feels quite like himself still. He’s still overthinking and over tired, the last few nights unfortunately have become dedicated to Steve just thinking about Eddie and all the different ways this could go, he’s played out every scenario. He doesn’t know what to expect, but he wants to be prepared for anything.

And yet, he finds himself very unprepared for Eddie’s voice coming through the line when Steve absentmindedly answers his phone while going through the mail. But the increasingly familiar “Harrington!” chimes in Steve’s ear and he drops the stack of envelopes he was holding.

Steve fumbles through the whole phone call, but keeps it together just enough to get by with using the mess he made as an excuse. He knows Eddie called for something, but he’s just kind of been rambling for five minutes and Steve starts to wonder if he might be a little nervous too. He also realizes that he has never given Eddie his phone number, he smiles a little to himself when he thinks that Eddie would have had to ask someone to give him Steve’s number, so he kind of went out of his way to call him.

“Anyway,” Eddie says, slowing down. “Look, you coming over tonight or what?”

Steve’s body does that tingly thing again, and his face is burning. He tries to respond but his words are stuck. He clears his throat and tries again. “Yeah, okay.” is all he mages to get out. It wouldn’t have mattered if he tried, he can’t tell Eddie no.

He hears Eddie laugh softly, and it’s basically the last thing he hears because he’s got a thousand thoughts running through his mind and he’s trying to sort through them. When he hangs up, he immediately calls Robin.

He does a double check to make sure he’s still home alone before she answers, “Hello?”

“What are you doing tonight?” He asks, quickly, skipping the greetings. He doesn’t really mean too, but his brain is moving too fast.

“Hello, Steve.” She says, huffing into the phone slightly. “I’m picking up a shift at the store tonight, why?”

“Okay, okay so no one else is going to Eddie’s?”

“No, everyone’s busy.” Steve can hear her smile through the phone, he knows she feels so smug.

He sighs, “Great.”

“You’ll be fine! You’ll have fun!” She reassures him, “Just relax.”

Steve tries to take that advice but he spends the rest of the afternoon doing anything but relaxing.

The last few days have dragged on so slowly, but today flies by, and he hates it. It’s all a blur of nerves, he spent 30 minutes just looking at the clothes in his closet. He didn’t even know why, but he just went back and forth between three different shirts before he realized he was taking forever and felt stupid for caring this much. After he gets dressed, he thinks that maybe he has done this before, once or twice before he’s gone to hang out with Eddie. He knows he changed twice before he went the other day, he couldn’t figure out why then, he figured he was just having an off day and brushed it aside. He feels like an idiot now.

He can barely drag himself to his car when it’s time to leave, he wants to go, but he also wants to just disappear. He’s unbearably nervous, and he circles the block once before he feels like he has enough courage to finally head in the right direction.

When Steve gets to Eddie’s door he pauses, he suddenly thinks about every scenario he played out last night. He thinks about the different outcomes, he weighs the pros and cons of knocking.

But before he can, the door swings open, “Harrington!” Eddie smiles before pulling Steve in gently by the wrist.

Steve feels like he would probably follow Eddie anywhere if he kept his hand wrapped close by his. “H-hey!” Steve wishes he was better at acting normal by now.

“Okay, you made it, so-“ Eddie let’s go of Steve’s arm and claps his hands together. He starts talking, going on about his ideas for the night, and Steve is listening but it’s difficult.

He’s trying so hard to think everything through, he doesn’t want to make a wrong move. He doesn’t want to be obvious, and he’s so worried he’s going to slip up and just say something fucking stupid.

Because every time he tried to play out all those different versions of tonight, he kept saying something stupid. He just doesn’t know how to not say something stupid.

After they settle in with some beers and a movie, it gets increasingly harder for Steve to focus on, well anything.

He’s basically missed the entire first half of this movie, instead he keeps taking too long and too frequent glances over to Eddie, who is sitting just a little too close to him, which is a major factor in Steve’s lack of focus. He keeps forgetting to focus on not slipping up, too. Once he and Eddie start talking, he can’t help himself. It’s just so easy that he forgets it’s supposed to be difficult.

When they’re talking, or even when they’re just in a comfortable silence, Steve forgets that Eddie doesn’t know, he forgets that Eddie doesn’t like him, he forgets that he’s worried about any of it. He’s just focused on Eddie, and that’s all that really matters.

Steve starts to realize that maybe the beer hasn’t helped him act normal, and that maybe that wasn’t his smartest move. But, he thinks he’s doing okay. Yeah, he’s still risking far too many glances Eddie’s way for it to not be weird, but he doesn’t think he’s been super obvious about it.

And yes, this time he’s staring again and he’s telling himself to stop, but somehow he just ends up resting his head on his hand and completely losing thought.

He doesn’t know why he thinks he’d get away this this, he hadn’t before. And just like last time, he gets caught. “You better stop looking at me like that, Harrington.” Eddie says, slow and quiet. He turns his head to face Steve. “You’re gonna give me ideas.”

Steve’s mouth goes dry and his heart is pounding in his ears, he thinks of a hundred lame excuses at once but can only manage a “hmm?”, hoping playing dumb would just work out for him.

Eddie rolls his eyes, “What’s on your mind? You’ve been looking at me for like five minutes.” he sits back and rests his own arm on the back of the couch, his body facing Steve’s. “I’m all ears, Harrington.”

Steve tries to blow out a laugh to seem casual, but feels like maybe it just makes him look more suspicious, “I-I haven’t been-“

“Steve,” Eddie raises his eyebrows. “Come on.”

Steve can’t help the small smile that spreads across his face, even though he feels absolutely crazy. He tries to think carefully and quickly about what to say, thinking about all the stupid stuff he wants to say and making sure none of that leave his lips. “I was just…I guess I-“ he sighs and looks at Eddie, who hasn’t taken his eyes off of Steve this whole time. He’s listening, whatever Steve says he’s going to listen and Steve doesn’t know if that’s good or bad. “I was just thinking, about something Robin said the other day.” He lies, thankful for his brain taking over for his heart.

“Yeah?” Eddie quirks a brow, “wanna share?”

“She said she thinks we should spend more time together,” Steve says, watching Eddie’s reaction for something he isn’t quite sure of. “I guess she thinks we make good friends.” Steve shrugs and keeps waiting for a reaction, even though he isn’t sure what he’s expecting. He’s unsure that he’s selling this, he wonders if Eddie knows he’s not saying everything. “I think she’s right.” He adds slowly before looking back at the tv, but only for a second before he feels Eddie’s fingers lightly press against his cheek and turn his face back to his.

Steve feels dizzy, drunk, he feels like he’s floating and he hopes that maybe out of all the outcomes he’s prepared for, he’d get a good one.

“You know what I think?” Eddie asks, and his voice is quiet and low, it makes Steve feel weak.

“Huh?” Steve says, and he can hear how dumb he sounds, his brain is just totally off. All he can see are brown eyes looking into his, all he can hear is his own heart pounding and all he can feel is Eddie’s fingers still resting on his face.

Eddie smiles, “I think…” he lets his fingers trail down Steve’s chin and neck, it’s quick but Steve can feel his heat lingering for longer than he knows is possible. Eddie sighs and glances at the screen, then back to Steve. “I think you should come over more.”

Steve nods slowly, closing his mouth, and trying to come back to life. He can’t get his mouth to form words, he just takes a swig of his beer and looks back at the tv. He’s trying to ignore the fact that now Eddie’s the one staring, he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to feel about it. Why is he staring? He glances over and accidentally makes eye contact. “What?” He laughs a little, in the back of his head he notes again that the beer is definitely not helping.

“Oh, so you can stare at me all night but it’s weird if I do it?”

“I was not staring.” Steve lies, knowing there’s almost no chance that Eddie would believe him.

“You know I have eyes right?” Eddie asks, “And i use them? And I use them to catch you staring at me.”

“Oh, will you shut up, Munson? So I looked at you?” Steve rolls his eyes, his argument half hearted, he’s loosening up and it feels good. He’s fighting to not say or do anything dumb, and he worries he’s going to lose. “What are you going to do about it? hmm?”

Eddie smirks at Steve, and Steve immediately realizes what he sets himself up for. He only realizes now that he might have done it on purpose. “I have a few ideas.” Eddie says after a second that feels like forever.

Steve’s brain checked out about ten minutes ago, he’s scrambling to think of anything to say, something that he can get out of this with. He settles for rolling his eyes and just pretending to watch the movie. After a minute, he feels Eddie move just a little closer, he uses up all of his focus to just keep his eyes on the tv.

“You know what’s weird?” Eddie says, breaking the silence that Steve desperately wanted. He can’t say something he shouldn’t if they’re not talking.

“Do you ever stop talking?” Steve asks, rolling his head to look at Eddie, happy to have a reason for once. He tries to sound annoyed but the smile on his lips betrays him.

“I thought all the Vecna, Upside Down, horror movie come to life stuff was going to be the weirdest experience of my life,” He says, and Steve is all of the sudden very aware of just how much closer Eddie got. “but this? You and me, hanging out, being…friends? This is definitely weirder.”

Steve laughs softly, “No, you’re right. It’s kind of weird.”

“It’s weird,” Eddie repeats, looking at Steve for a second before he takes a breath. “But, I like it.”

Steve’s heart races, and he can’t stop his eyes from darting to Eddie’s lips for just a fraction of a second. He nods, “I like it too.”

Eddie doesn’t take his eyes off of Steve, “Good,” He smiles, “You’re stuck with me now, Harrington.” He says, going back to the movie.

Steve takes the opportunity to internally panic, both of them sitting just a little too close to each other facing the screen. Steve reaches for his beer and starts going through what the fuck just happened. He isn’t sure if he’s reading too into things, or if he’s just seeing what he wants to. But he’s starting to think maybe Robin’s right, maybe Eddie -maybe- has some similar feelings. He can’t stop himself from testing the waters a little, hoping to not be as obvious as he feels. “So, y-you liked the uhm, other movie?” He stumbles out, looking ahead, a little afraid that if he looks at Eddie, he’ll give himself away.

“Yeah,” Eddie replies. “yeah, it was good.”

Steve decides he’s gotten this far and chances testing the water, “How’d the date go?”

“What?” Eddie looks at him, “Oh, yeah,” he laughs quietly. “It didn’t.”

Steve can’t stop himself from looking over, “It didn’t?”

Eddie watches him for a second, and Steve can tell he’s thinking something over. He’d give anything to know what. “Yeah, but it was for the best.” Eddie shrugs, “Wasn’t really what I want now anyway.”

Steve nods, “Well, she’s missing out.”

Eddie hums an agreement and goes back to looking at the screen.

Steve sits and tries to not get his hopes up for five minutes straight, and that’s when he feels Eddie’s fingers lightly brush against his own.

Steve instantly looks over at Eddie, who is focused completely on the screen in front of them. Steve blinks and looks back at the tv too. He doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t even know what to think. The only thing he knows right now is that he’s about to do something stupid.

He brushes his fingers against Eddie’s this time, slow and a little shaky. This time he ignores the other when he looks his way. Instead, Steve can’t even help himself and he does it again, this time letting his fingers go up to Eddie’s wrist, tracing against the edge of his bracelet.

They both go quiet and still for a second, and Steve starts to panic. Why did he do that? But why did Eddie start it? His face is burning and his hands feel empty and cold.

The panic subsides quickly when he feels Eddie’s fingers graze against the top of his hand. He smiles, and looks over at Eddie.

This time Eddie looks back, his head resting on the back of the couch, “What?” He asks, innocently as if nothing is going on.

Steve can feel the heat coming from Eddie, they’re so close and all he wants to do is fill the space that separates them. He looks at Eddie for a minute, he swears he hears those records from the other night playing somewhere in the back of his mind, or maybe it’s real he can’t tell. Nothing really feels real.

Steve’s starting to get exhausted, he’s not good at this. He’s not good at hiding feelings, he’s not good at lying, he’s not good at pretending. He thinks if he doesn’t leave right now he’s going to lose.

“I might do something stupid.” He says without thinking, reason and sense left him the second Eddie touched his hand.

“I don’t doubt that.” Eddie quips, smiling softly. He waits for a second to see if Steve is going to continue, and Steve notices. But he can’t bring himself to move or talk. Luckily Eddie rolls his eyes a little and keeps talking, “If you’re gonna do something stupid, promise to do it with me.” He whispers, Steve can nearly feel his breath on his face.

Steve looks at him, he’s grasping at excuses and subject changes in his mind but he can’t seem to hang on to any long enough to stop himself from thinking about kissing Eddie Munson. As soon as the thought enters his mind it consumes him. He remembers Eddie said something, and he pulls his eyes from Eddie’s mouth to his eyes, unsure of how long they’d been there. “I really-“ he stops himself, unsure of how he’d finish that sentence, the words on his tongue trying to escape. “I uh,-“ He tries to turn away from him, he tries to pretend things aren’t as intense as they feel. He tries, but he can’t and he’s right back to looking at Eddie, right back to trying to figure out what to do, how to tell him without saying it, how to make this less awkward. His thoughts are interrupted, and he’s almost thankful.

“Steve,” Eddie says, quietly with a new air of seriousness to his tone that Steve isn’t expecting. “Whatever it is that you want to tell me…” he trails off, and without any plan they both move a little closer, Eddie doesn’t look away from Steve this time when he moves his fingers against his. “I’m waiting.” he finally says, and doesn’t move away.

Steve can’t take anymore, he feels like he’s not dreaming for the first time. He feels like this is real, he didn’t make this up, it’s not in his head. He likes Eddie, and he can’t help but think that Eddie likes him too. He feels another soft stroke against his palm and he gives up. He takes Eddie’s hand, finally threading their fingers together. “Yeah, well-“ he starts, he looks from their hands, back to Eddie, he can barely catch his breath as he leans in, stalling for another moment to be absolutely sure he’s not dreaming, but then Eddie leans in slowly and he stops caring about any of the things he was worried about before. “I’m done waiting.” Steve says, before he finally closes the distance between them, slowly. He brings a hand up to thread through Eddie’s hair, and it’s just as soft as he’d imagined. He feels Eddie kiss him back, it nearly knocks him out. Eddie brings up a hand to rest on Steve’s side, and pulls him closer, he can’t stop the small noise he makes.

Out of every scenario he planned, every version of this he rehearsed in his head, nothing compared to how it actually felt. His heart is pounding, his hands are shaking while he runs them over Eddie’s body, he feels like he’s on fire, he’s overwhelmed but in the best way.

Everything gets a little colder though when he and Eddie finally pull apart, he desperately wants to just dive right back in but he takes a second to try to wrap his head around everything. The nerves start to creep back in quickly as he worries if he’s made a mistake. What if he read everything wrong?

He takes a breath, hoping he doesn’t let any of his panic show. He looks away and shudders out a soft laugh. “Sorry, I-“ he stops and looks over at Eddie, unsure of what to say or do.

But Eddie’s watching him, looking a little unsure himself. “So…” he starts slowly, both of them backing away a little. “Do we…talk about it or-“

“I like you.” Steve says, surprising even himself. He didn’t mean to say it, he didn’t plan on ever telling Eddie Munson that he liked him. He doesn’t know why he can’t stop, he couldn’t stop himself from touching Eddie, he couldn’t stop himself from kissing him, and now he’s just telling him this and he doesn’t know how to stop. He blames the alcohol but knows it’s not that. The words have been threatening to leave his lips since he realized they were there.

Eddie raises his eyebrows, giving Steve a second. “Yeah?” he grins, just kinda beaming at Steve expectantly, and patiently.

Steve sighs, realizing there’s nothing he can do now. He’s done everything he promised himself he wouldn’t, and now he’s just going to have to follow through with it and hope for the best. “Yeah,” he rolls his eyes a little when he notices the smug expression on Eddie’s face. “I can’t believe it, but yes, Munson. I like you.”

“See, I knew you had a crush on me.” Eddie says, before getting a little closer.

“Oh my god,” Steve groans a little, “don’t even start.”

Eddie laughs softly, and relaxes back into the couch again, glancing back at the credits rolling on the screen. “I’m gonna be honest, I don’t think I even know what happened in this movie.” He turns to Steve, fidgeting a little with his hands and watching him a second, “It doesn’t matter though, cause I didn’t ask you to come over for a movie. It was just an excuse to see you.” He waits a second before looking head again.

He starts to feel nervous again, but it’s different than before. Fears and uncertainty are now replaced with a need to get this right. It’s been a while since he’s gotten something he’s wanted, he doesn’t wanna ruin it. “You didn’t need an excuse.”

Eddie smiles, he barely glances away from the static on the tv, “This might surprise you, Harrington, but I’m not the best at talking about feelings.” He admits, locking eyes with Steve, “But, I like you too, okay?”

Sure, Steve kind of got that already, but hearing Eddie say it still made his stomach flip. He smiles a little, trying to wrap his head around it. He likes him. Eddie likes Steve.

Steve finally starts to feel better, his world is changing again, but it’s slowing down a little. He feels like even if he doesn’t know what happens next, or what he’s supposed to do or say, he’s going to be alright. He can’t remember the last time he felt like he was going to be alright, so he tries to soak it in while he can. “So…what now?” He asks, smiling a little nervously.

Eddie looks like he’s pretending to think about it, looking up at nothing with a small smile, tapping a finger against his lips, “Well, we could watch another movie.” He suggests, looking at Steve, and something about this look makes Steve feel nervous, but not in a bad way.

Steve takes a breath, he tries to assess the situation, trying to figure out if Eddie is implying what he hopes he is. “We didn’t even watch the last one.” He reminds him.

“Yeah, we aren’t going to watch the next one either, Harrington.” Eddie says, leaning close and pressing his lips to Steve’s, barely giving him time to react before he stands up. “Stay there, I get to pick this time.”

Steve just watches as Eddie runs off to find a movie, he feels completely dumbfounded as he takes this in. He attempts to figure out the exact moment this started, but quickly realizes he doesn’t actually care. It wouldn’t make a difference.

Eddie puts the movie into the VCR and quickly turns back to Steve, walking over to him, “The goal here, by the way, is to see as little of this fuckin’ movie as possible.” He says, before threading this fingers into Steve’s hair and kissing him, pushing him back onto the couch. “Sound good?” Eddie says, after a few seconds, taking a breath and pulling back to look at Steve.

Steve nods quickly, “Sounds great.” he pulls Eddie back down into another kiss, feeling him smile against his lips. He doesn’t care about anything other than this right now, he just wants to get as close to Eddie as he can. And he does, they spend the whole night together tangled up, nothing but the tv and the post lamp outside shining in the dark.

When Steve leaves, he kisses Eddie goodbye, this time he doesn’t feel like he’s forgetting anything, but he still doesn’t want to go, he’s already counting down until he can come back. And when he drives away, he checks his rear view and catches Eddie watching him drive away again and Steve knows he’s going to spend another night awake thinking about Eddie Munson.

He still isn’t sure how this happened, he knows he could sit and think about it forever before it made sense, but it doesn’t have to make sense. It doesn’t matter to him how he got here, he’s just happy that he‘s here now.

#THIS IS 11k WORDS #JUST AS A WARNING #steddie #stranger things #i’m posting this while i am at work so i’ll come back and edit it up in a lil while #steve harrington #eddie munson #fanfic #fanfiction #long fic #one shot #idk how y’all tag these nowadays

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insertmesoftly · 2 years

Text

Reasons To Keep You Here (Yuri x AFAB Immigrant Reader) Part 4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

You have been having a wonderful time reconnecting with your brothers nearly every week since the incident. Yuri would mostly keep to himself during these visits, something you knew was for the better with how pushy Kris was. It’s not the best idea to have the two hotheads begin to argue again. But…

With your new recognition came new responsibilities, and new meetings you had to attend with other publishers. You apologized to Yuri as you got ready, begging him to please take in and take care of the boys when they got to your apartment.

‘I’ll come straight home after the meeting! It won’t… be long I hope, damnit!’ You stubbed your foot while moving to get something. Yuri catches you as you stumbled from the pain, letting you reorient yourself with his hand still on your shoulder as he groans.

‘Uuugh. Okay. I’ll let them in and tell them to go to their room.’

You put your foot back down gently, still wincing, but grateful it wasn’t that bad.

‘Thanks, Yuri.’ Without thinking, you grabbed his hand on your shoulder and looked at him, giving it a pat.

‘I can count on you.’

Yuri gave your shoulder a squeeze and bonked your head with his slightly. ‘Yeah yeah! Don’t make me give you another headbutt and leave already!’

You laughed and clutched your forehead at the threat. ‘Never again!’ You moved away and got your bag. ‘Alright. Goodbye!’

‘… bye.’

It was half an hour before the kids were dropped off. Your mom was very eager, seeing Yuri be the one opening the door, to begin talking his ear off and ask questions about you. He closed the door as soon as your brothers came inside.

‘Alright, twerps.’ Both boys looked up at him. Yuri gave off the aura of a general ordering his cadets.

‘Y/N is out of the house right now for something work-related. You’re not allowed to make a mess, put up a fuss, or ask me questions. Just… go to your room and do whatever until she’s back.’

He waved them off, dismissing them, but predictably, Kris wasn’t having none of it.

‘When is Y/N coming back?’

‘…. I don’t know.’

‘What’s her work?’

‘…. I can’t tell you.’

‘Sounds like you don’t know that either.’

‘I know her work! It’s just secret.’

‘Yeah sure.’ Kris shook his head, imitating his dad when he didn’t like someone. ‘I bet you don’t know anything about her. Like her favorite color, or her favorite ice cream flavor-‘

Yuri answered both questions immediately. He smirked at Kris’s face. Kris began listing other stuff, all of which, Yuri was getting right. He had never asked you for any of your preferences… but he already knew. His observation skills and previous background check on you was thorough.

Kris stomped his feet, stopping himself from going any further. ‘Alright! Sure! You may know stuff about Y/N but that doesn't excuse how FAKE you feel!’

Yuri felt his interrogator senses trigger. Kris wasn’t just trying to annoy him, Yuri was being interrogated. He was trying to find a fault in him.

‘What do you mean fake? I haven’t lied to you!’ That he knew of.

Kris was adamant in his response. ‘It’s this whole marriage! It doesn’t feel real! You two don’t ACT like you’re married’

Yuri’s eyebrows raised, his annoyance hit a peak. ‘And how exactly are we supposed to act? Are you an expert now shrimp? How many girls have you married?’

Kris got flustered and looked away from Yuri, clasping his arms to his chest. ‘W-Well, I haven’t met the right girl yet! But I know from TV how you’re supposed to be!’

Kris got serious, but his face stayed red. ‘W-When you love someone… you gotta show them off!!! Be all lovey dovey and supporting and… gross! That’s how everyone knows you’re in love, right? Mom and dad do it all wrong… I just don’t want Y/N to be like….’

He stopped himself, now feeling shyer. This got too real. He backed off and waved his arms around. ‘ANYWAYS- That’s how I’LL do it! I’ll be so in love with my wife! I’ll make her the happiest woman in the world!’

Yuri snickered, taking the kid’s words too seriously. ‘Of course you’d believe everything on TV. You don’t know any better. Couples can love each other in… many different ways.’ Yuri gave a mild shrug. ‘Y/N and I are just different.’

‘So… you do love her?’

Out of the blue came Charles’s little voice. Yuri had forgotten about him. His eyes turned wide at his mistake, his face quickly became enflamed from the sudden attack. It didn’t help that the boys were staring at him expectantly. Yuri looked away and grumbled a response.

‘…. I married her, didn’t I?’

Kris became indignant. ‘BAH, that’s not good enough! You’re just like my dad! If you can’t even say it what kind of man are you?’

‘I WILL NOT BE LECTURED BY A 7 YEAR OLD!’

‘Y/N DESERVES BETTER, YOU’RE SO FULL OF IT!’

‘YOU-‘

‘I think…,’ once again, Charles decided to speak up, making the two others stop. ‘I think that… that’s ok, Kris. Y/N also has a hard time saying it…’

Charles paused to nervously touch his wrists.

‘Maybe… maybe it really is more complicated than we thought. Maybe love can come after marriage? Maybe it changes. I don’t know but… I’m just glad she’s happy.’

Charles stopped fidgeting and gazed up at Yuri. He gave him a sincere smile.

‘Thank you for marrying her. Thank you for helping her. I’m grateful… that you are our brother.’

Yuri was caught off-guard. He could only give back a nod, still staring as Charles took Kris by his hand.

‘You need to leave them alone, Kris.’

‘WHAT?! Just because he helped Y/N meet with us-‘

‘Stop it! Shh! No more. Come on.’

Charles dragged his brother to their guest bedroom and closed the door. Yuri was left alone in the living room.

…. You were definitely going to be late today, he realized. With the changes happening in your work, you would probably have to do a lot at the office today.

Yuri sighed and went for your apron. He decided… he could make some snacks for the boys for now.

He gave in to hazy thoughts as he began trying to recreate something Loid had made that looked simple. The idea of you being unable to tell your brothers that you love him… crept as he was cutting celery.

Neither of you loved the other.

That was that, right? That was normal and ok. You didn’t get married because you WANTED to. It was convenience. But even then-

You at least like him, right? You were both friends now! Solidified friendship. So why was it so hard for you to pretend to be in love when your marriage wasn’t in question like with his Boss? Why were you telling your brothers stuff like that? Is it really such a stretch to go from ‘like’ to ‘love’ as a little white lie?

He didn’t realize he had cut the celery too finely until he looked down.

Ah well.

He put it on a bowl and, after much debate, decided peanut sauce was what Loid had used for his snacks with Anya. He dribbled raisins on everything to finish it and stared proudly at his work. He was just as good as Loid. As a man AND as a husband.

… your siblings begged to differ. They cried to you when you came back, claiming that Yuri was trying to poison them. Yuri had eaten all the evidence, and yelled back that they were lying, peanut sauce still on his chin.

You were home.

A few days later, you dragged your feet as you came home after yet another meeting in a series of horrid, pointless meetings. You slumped on the couch and hid your face with a pillow.

You thought things were finally going well. You thought you’d finally cemented your place in the paper! But…

After your success with the polling… the ones in charge have decided to keep your comic. With a new artist taking over.

The way they saw it, if they were going to pay you an average salary, they might as well be paying a man. It’s not like you needed the money anymore.

You were married. You’d be taken care of.

So they told you, plain and simply, without room for argument, that you would be having an understudy come by and learn your tricks.

You felt… numb. All your passion, your years of building your story, your characters, your art. It came down to just this.

You were never good enough to keep around. You weren’t a man.

You were so ANGRY. You cried and stayed on the couch until Yuri came home. He lugged bags from a restaurant, you had both agreed on him bringing food that day. Seeing you as you were, he was quick to ask you what was wrong. He immediately put down the bags on your living room table and knelt down to take the pillow from your face. His concerned, piercing eyes met your red ones.

You explained the situation and he was completely on your side with rage. Who the fucking hell did these assholes think they were? After YOU brought them new readers. After YOU worked so hard for so little. They were going to give that to someone else?

Yuri shook his head and got up.

‘I’m not allowing THAT.’

Your mourning was put on hold as his response brought you back to the letter your step-father had sent you. Yuri’s influence on others. You sat up immediately and grabbed onto his sleeve.

‘Wait- No- Stop!’

Yuri paused as he looked at you, questioning.

‘I don’t want you… to have to fix this. You’ve already done a lot… it’s not right to keep asking for your help.’ You got up and rubbed your raw eyes. You tried looking at him with conviction.

‘It’s… alright. Don’t pull any strings. This isn’t your responsibility.’

Yuri was aghast at your attitude.

‘So you’re just going to let them win?’

‘No.’ You held his sleeve a little tighter before letting go. You buried your fingers in your hair in thought.

‘I’ll come up with something… I won’t let them get rid of me that easily.’

You tried smiling at Yuri. He wasn’t sure of what you could do… but it wasn’t in his place to interfere further. Still…. It was so FRUSTRATING.

He placed a hand on your head and rubbed it hard. ‘Alright. I’ll leave it to you, but damn it… don’t go letting your pride win. If I can help, just use me! Don’t forget, the comic… is important to me too.’

He let go of you and moved to set up the kitchen for your dinner. You felt reinvigorated. You had to come up with a plan…

Your replacement came the next few days and, though you tried being civil at first… the young man was not giving you any respect or paying your advice any mind.

Not that you were trying too hard to get him to listen… but it still left you feeling completely dumbfounded by his attitude and insistence that his way of doing things would be better. He believed himself better than you. He would leave his mark and move this comic to an elevated status.

You never argued back and simply gave your world-renowned strained smile. His ideas were stupid. His style, sloppy. You hated everything he created, and you knew the public would too. This was too easy.

It was a mess.

His strips were not getting the reception they should have. The things he thought he could get away with… were coming up to bite him in the ass.

His art style changes were seen as tacky. His out-of-character moments were like highlighters that something was wrong. Children did not like this. Parents of children in love with the series were not for this either.

Yuri’s coworker was one such parent.

‘Have you SEEN what they did to the imaginary friend this week?’ The man slapped down his newspaper on the table, disgruntled.

‘They made her forget everything she learned about being a good friend! Now she’s just acting like a jerk again, and why? They haven’t even picked up on the father’s secret gift yet! It’s like the creator forgot everything. It’s only disappointing my Camila more and more.’

Yuri’s eye twitched as he recalled you telling him that your replacement thought that plotline was dumb, so he cut it. After all the suspense you had built…. Yuri crumpled his own paper.

‘… I’m sure it’s not the creator’s fault.’

‘Pardon?’

The coworker looked at Yuri with raised eyebrows. How could it not be? Yuri sighed and lowered his head.

‘I just mean…. Maybe it’s the bosses of the creator pushing them around to change things.’ Yuri twisted his hand through his hair. ‘Think of it like when we censor the news. Comic strip companies sometimes do the same with their creators.’

The coworker blinked a few times before letting out a gruff sound. ‘Well that’s STUPID. Why change something that was already good?’

Yuri nodded. He was wondering what your plan was again. So far, you had just been obediently looking over the jerk that was supposed to replace you. It grated on his nerves… but he promised you not to meddle. Still…

‘You should write a letter to the paper with your grievances. They need to know, if you want them to bring back the quality of the comic.’

Yuri watched his coworker’s face turn thoughtful, then serious. ‘That’s a good idea… I’ll do it with my daughter when I get back home.’ The coworker let out a smile and looked Yuri in the eye. ‘I take it you have already sent your own?’

Yuri thought about the many, many complaints he had stacked and sent directly to the publisher’s mailbox. He smiled, a threat evident in his voice.

‘I’m doing my part.’

‘HAHAHAHA!’ The coworker burst in laughter, shaking the table. ‘You really love these comics… it’s cute that you have this childish hobby, Yuri.’

The younger man became embarrassed at being called childish. He turned away with a huff.

‘I’m allowed to have my interests…’

‘Yeah, nothing wrong with it. I’m glad to be able to connect with you over it! You’re usually very…’ The coworker thought through his word choice. ‘Peculiar with your conversation topics. It’s hard to be able to find common ground with you sometimes, heh. But this is nice!’

Yuri’s eyebrows knit together with curiosity over what the man meant. Was something wrong with him before? He considered the past, and what he would talk about with coworkers.

…. Just work, polite small talk and….

Ah. Yor. The very reason he had joined the Secret Police.

Yuri thought through his friends. He didn’t have many… and the ones he did were through having mutual interest in obscure things. He had yet to make any friends in his new department with the Secret Police… and now he did. He smiled, realizing it was thanks to you.

‘Yeah… this is nice.’

Four weeks and four awful strips later, you were supposed to be fired on the fifth one. However, the paper came on the same day with a secret news article from another department of the paper. The journalism one.

‘Creator of Beloved Comic Strip Gets Replaced.’

The scoop of the month.

In between your visits to the publishers, you also made trips to a reporter you’ve known for a while. They usually always complained about their designated ‘small stories’ while everyone else outshone them with the bigger news. You told them this could stir up something in the company… so they agreed to write it.

To write everything about it.

They published your name, gender, and your struggle; how underpaid you were compared to your coworkers, the lack of respect, the plans your replacement had to derail your characters. All of your grievances in one neat article. If you were going to be fired, you could afford to be vocal about it. One last bang.

Yuri didn’t find out about it until he went to work that Sunday. You had been excited all morning to see his reaction, but the man was late and simply sped by you handing him the paper. He had a busy day of going from point A to point B that day, moving one way and another trying to catch more news on a threat against an important figure. He stumbled back to work to change, exhausted and frustrated by his lack of information.

A few of his coworkers turned to look at him as he entered. The one he’d read the paper with was sitting expectantly with the paper in his hand.

‘SO! WE FINALLY KNOW WHY YURI GOT INTERESTED IN THE SUNDAY STRIPS, EH?’

‘…. What do you mean?’

He’s handed the article with everything on it. Zeroing in on your name, he realizes what you’ve done. He feels deaf as the man and others begin loudly teasing Yuri about keeping it a secret. He changed quickly and left them as they hollered at his get-away. When he got home, you were cooking dinner. He made you put down the knife you held before shaking you by your shoulders with exasperation, pride, and wonder.

What had you done? You held his hands and reassured him that this was your way of getting the last word. You wanted to cause a splash! Yuri was at his wit’s end with befuddlement on how to react. Now everyone knew you were a woman. Now everyone knew your name! He groaned and found himself giving you a hug. It was unexpected… but not unwelcome.

‘Ah- Yuri?’

‘GOD, YOU ARE TOO MUCH SOMETIMES!’

‘What do you mean?! I handled this well! I thought everything through!’

‘Yeah but-‘

He let go of you and looked at you. You were so innocent sometimes. What if someone stalked you? What if you got lash back for this by your publishers? You looked back with confusion, he looked so worried. You held his cheek with a hand.

‘It’s okay. I know what I got myself into. This was my choice.’

… once again, Yuri had to respect that. He closed his eyes and leaned a bit into your hand with a boise from the back of his throat.

‘FINE! Okay.’ He let you go and turned away, crossing his arms.

‘But if any trouble comes from this, I’m stepping in. This can get SERIOUS, Y/N. I’m not letting your pride keep me from helping.’

You smile at his pout, and don’t think as you reach out to continue hugging him from behind.

‘I can live with that… Thank you, Yuri.’

Yuri didn’t turn around, but he reached an arm behind him to touch your head. Neither of you realized just how comfortable you have gotten with physical affection.

The ramifications of you releasing your identity unfolded the following week.

The comic strip department came under fire from all sides. Unhappy readers sent multiple letters over the change in creators, clamoring to get you back, wondering why it mattered that you were a woman. You were a creator of something well-liked; the traditionalists reasoned that it’s not like you overstepped any social norms by telling a story. A rare few voiced you being an inspiration for their little girls to try drawing their own comics.

Everyone wanted you back.

The heads overlooking the paper talked to your bosses about you. An agreement was made.

Bring you back or else.

With a new contract that gave you everything you wanted and more (a PROPER raise! Not just what they were giving their normal male employees anymore!), you were back in the team.

You did it.

At the news that you were coming back to create the strips, Yuri’s work buzzed with comments about Yuri and his wife. They recalled how he used to be with them; polite but closed off. Uninterested in anything that wasn’t work or his sister.

Now he got to walk around the office with red cheeks, always dragged to one group or another to be egged on about his wife. Everyone wanted to know more about you. Yuri didn’t comply; he was too much of a flustered mess. He’d walk away and insist on everyone focusing on their work.

He overhears his coworkers at one point mention how this was the most they’ve ever seen Yuri invested in someone other than his sister.

‘Remember how much he’d insist he’d be single forever? Look at him now!’

‘Heh… that’s love.’ They laugh.

‘I’m so jealous of the bastard.’

Yuri decides to ignore this… but the comparison creeps into the back of his mind. You? On the same level as Yor?

How could you ever be?

After more digging on the threat to an important figure, Yuri was sent to a city far from yours to talk to other informants. It was a week of intensive, infuriating work full of dead ends. But at least he was finally coming home.

When talking to you over the phone, he had made an estimate that he would probably be back in the evening of the next day. It's 4am when he's finally at the door. Yuri knows you're probably asleep, and for some weird reason (that he can only chalk up to it having been his routine in the months prior)... he's feeling grumpy that he won't get to hear you welcome him home as you always do.

He was wrong.

'Yuri!'

'W-What?!'

You're right in front of him. Eyebags on full display, messy hair, pajamas, and a bit of an uneven wobble as you're standing. Yuri glances behind you and sees a now empty pot of coffee.

'You stayed up...'

'Yeah! I'm not doing anything tomorrow anyways. And...

I really wanted to see you.'

Maybe it's because you were sleepy and were coming off a caffeine high but...

... that last part was not something you had wanted to say out loud. You realized it too late, a hand over your mouth immediately showing highlighting mistake.

'AH! I MEAN- It was just too quiet here sometimes and- And I’d end up cooking too much food and!!! FOR WHATEVER REASON YOR HAS UM. BEEN REALLY BUSY WITH WORK AND LOID HAS BEEN TAKING CARE OF ANYA SO-!'

So, you had been lonely.

After living alone for so long...

You had gotten used to company. Without Yuri... your apartment felt so empty.

Your face was burning up. Yuri hadn't said a single thing. You felt like you'd fucked up. You tried doing damage control.

'Sorry... I didn't mean-.......?'

As you tried to look up at him, he placed a hand on your head and held it forcefully to stay down. What?

'????? Yuri????'

'Shut up. You're loopy.'

You felt his hand brush your hair a bit, getting lighter, almost like a pat, before it switched to be on your neck and he turned you around.

'Alright. You saw me! Seriously, you're like a dog! Go to sleep already, idiot!'

He was pushing you to your bedroom, fast. You tried fighting it.

'HEY! I'M NOT READY TO PASS OUT YET! I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU ABOUT YOUR TRIP! TELL YOU ABOUT SOME YOR THEORIES I MADE! YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY NEED TO BE LOOKING INTO HER WORK! THEY KEPT KEEPING HER ALL NIGHT THREE DAYS STRAIGHT-!'

This piqued Yuri's attention a bit. But not enough to stop. He pushed you into your room roughly.

'We can talk tomorrow! I have the day off!'

'REALLY?! YOU DIDN’T TELL ME THAT, JERK!'

Indignant, you turned around as quick as you could. Your door was already almost closed, but you did catch a glimpse of him. You saw corner of his mouth was moving up as he taunted you. His grin was mischievous, but his eyes were soft…

'I don't have to tell you EVERYTHING.'

The door closed. Now you both had to go to sleep but...

Neither of you were really successful in that endeavor.

You tossed and turned, the image of his expression firmly planted in your mind. Your heart raced from it. You’re fond of him- You’re fond of Yuri. You missed him. But that was it.

Right?

He was your friend. Someone you saw everyday… cooked for… celebrated with… could spend hours sitting next to each other without talking….

A list of intimate moments flashed before your eyes. His dumb ways of showing affection, his terrible cooking always done in an attempt to help you, the promises he kept, the apologies gave. Yuri was dependable and intelligent and… attractive….

You hid under your blankets, the shame caught up with you.

You were in danger.

You were getting a crush.

… Yuri is having a similar plight in the other room, completely oblivious to your meltdown. He thought about how he got to see you. How happy he felt that you waited. How…. Cute it was that you missed him.

…. Damn it. He groans into his pillow, face buried deep inside it.

Why are you doing things like this? Why is it driving him crazy???

He can’t let this be!

You are not worthy!

Between everything that had been going on, you hadn’t gotten to spend as much time with Anya as usual. But this Saturday, she insisted on staying over with you with her parents were away. Because of your apartment being smaller and Bond now having joined the family, the Forgers found it easier to have you stay at their apartment while they out. They trusted you enough not to go inside their rooms. The day should have gone without a hitch, but the reason Anya had requested for you that date… wasn’t just because she missed you.

Anya insisted on going to a park not close from home.

The suddenness of this request puzzled you. She’d always been a good girl and stayed inside with you. Why was she arguing so hard to go to this park today?

You tried giving her excuses on why you couldn’t… but her teary eyes… made you give in and put on a coat. It was fall now. You stepped out with Bond’s leash and Anya’s hand, trying hard to brush off the sudden anxiety trickling down from this unexpected day spent out in public. Anya’s happiness was more important.

It took a bus ride to get there, but Anya and Bond behaved rather well. You felt lucky to have such easy wards as you stepped outside with them. Now at the park, Anya held your hand tight and began dragging you around everywhere. She looked like she was checking every corner of the park looking for something. She would merely tell you that she wanted to sightsee a bit if you asked, but her intensity had you suspecting that was a lie. Anya could only look guiltily away as she knew her fib had failed.

Finally, at an icecream stand, she found what she was looking for. There, surrounded by multiple men and his two other friends stood Damian. Anya had known that he’d be there that day, but her dad would be busy trying to uncover another group doing jobs in his organization’s name, and her mom insisted on visiting a sick coworker. So, with you, who are so relaxed with the rules around Anya, she knew she had to take this opportunity!

She gave Bond a look and both nodded at the same time. She asked you for the leash and for money. You handed both over, thinking Anya was trying to act more grown up. You held in laughter as both child and dog marched over to the stand, heads high and legs straight like soldiers. You saw the group of boys take notice of her and begin talking to her.

So they were friends! Your smile widened at the sight. They were adorable as they squabbled, though the boy’s comments weren’t fully heard by you, you could see that whenever Anya looked the slightest bit down, he’d get worried and change his tone. These were good kids.

Finally, one of the big men around Damian mentioned that they had to keep moving. Damian understood and gave Anya one last point.

‘… I guess your dog is a little bit cool.’

Anya and Bond immediately perked up at that.

After this, you all got some lunch You asked Anya about the boys and, after some thought, she excitedly went on about her quest to make them her friends. You nodded along, a bit stunned by how serious she was taking this. You guessed she might have a crush, with how obsessed she seemed… You laughed a bit and gave her a head pat.

‘I wish you luck. From where I stood, it looked like he didn’t mind you at all. I might even go as far as to say he likes your company…’

Anya’s eyes sparkled. She leaned over her chair.

‘Really?’

You remembered the faces Damien made as Anya tried impressing him. You laughed some more at the memory of his red face.

‘Yeah! You’re a cute kid, Anya.’ You looked at her warmly with a smile.

‘Anyone would want to keep a girl like you.’

Anya’s face beamed for a second, before she deflated a bit and looked down at her hands. She didn’t talk much after that, worrying you a bit. You wondered if you said something wrong… you didn’t want to force her into letting you know, so you gently guided her out of the restaurant.

You were making your way home… but as you were waiting for the bus, Bond began acting up. He looked from one side to another, sniffing, and barked. You asked him what was wrong, but his eyes stayed on Anya’s, and they locked eyes for a while. It was like they were having a conversation in their heads… the sight was peculiar Anya’s hand on yours tightened. You looked at her and her lips were pulled to a grimace.

‘I- I’M SORRY, I FORGOT TO GET SOMETHING!’

‘What?!’

Anya let your hand go and got on Bond. The pair ran off from you in a flash. You were absolutely dumbfounded for a good three seconds before you started running after them.

‘ANYAA! BOND!! COME BACK!’

Like a lunatic, you chased them, but the dog was FAST. You stumbled through the streets, lost. What were you going to do? What could you do??

You searched from corner to corner, occasionally asking passerbyers if they’d seen a girl and a dog. Most skipped past you. You were panicking.

In your delirium, you weren’t looking where you were going. You face-planted the chest of a man as you whipped your head around a crowded street. Your alarm bells went off and you moved back, apologies spilling from your mouth. You looked at his chest and saw it was a police uniform. Your anxiety spiked for a second, remembering reports of deportations, but your worry for Anya overtook it fast. You moved to clutch his arm.

‘I-I’m sorry, officer, but I really need help with-!’

‘…. Damn it….’

You had looked up and locked eyes with the last person you expected to find.

Yuri.

It was Yuri in front of you with an officer’s uniform.

What was he doing here with that get up?

Finally, Yuri had gotten a tip on the case. The plan of these terrorists was to kidnap the youngest son of Donovan Desmond. After being told, he was rushed to Damian’s location to be a back up to his guards.

Being so far from your side of the city, he didn’t expect to run into you.

‘Y-Yuri? Why-‘

‘Ah- It’s a work thing!’ Yuri had a lie prepared. He didn’t expect an encounter like this to happen… but he always came prepared. He looked away and tried acting aloof.

‘… I was sent to collect some papers. They wanted me dressed like this to…. Avoid suspicion.’

That was shady. You made a face as you concluded.

‘Doesn’t… dressing you as an officer make you more suspicious? What kind of papers are you collecting…?’

‘……’ Yuri had no response to this. He tried smiling it off and changing the subject.

‘What did you need an officer for?’

‘AH! ANYA!’ You explained what happened with frantic motions. Yuri took in a breath and released it with exasperation over your carelessness.

‘You just let her?? You should have had a tighter grip on her!’

‘She’s always been a good girl! I didn’t know what she was doing!’

‘Ugh, Y/N…’

Yuri looked to the side, also scanning the crowd.

‘… We should look for a proper policeman. He should be able to get-‘

While scanning, he remembered his job. His target was no longer in sight. Yuri panicked and began moving through the crowd. You followed.

‘Huh? Yuri? Did you find one-‘

He wasn’t listening to you, zig-zagging through alleys and slim passages he knew the guards would prioritize using. He turned a corner and found what he was looking for. What he dreaded.

The dazed bodies of the guards littered the floor. You gasped at the sight, shaken. Yuri made a tsk sound as he knelt down to check on the guards. One was still sputtering.

Yuri began questioning the man on what happened. He was promptly told that a group of armed individuals shot from above. They were quick with their ambush, picking up the frightened boys and running. Yuri asked if he heard any sounds of a car, but he hadn’t. Yuri hoped that meant they were keeping them somewhere near.

As you listened to their conversation, you squinted and picked up something from the floor. A pink hair. Your heart dropped. You were down on the soldier’s level in a millisecond, grabbing him and asking if the kidnappers had taken a little girl and a dog.

The delirious man was confused.

‘They…. Didn’t take a girl but….’

He hazily recollected the shooting.

‘There was a dog. I could hear it, but I didn’t see it. After the men left, it ran past us.’

Adrenaline pumped inside you. That had to have been Anya and Bond. Yuri pushed you away to ask more questions, but the guard passed out by then. Fuck. He looked at your quivering form.

‘You need to leave. Get the police and report Anya missing. I have work-‘

You grabbed his shoulder before he could get back up. Your eyes were watery but determined.

‘I don’t know what’s going on, but this! Is Anya’s hair!!! She was here with Bond! They followed those men! Oh god, we need to follow them!!!’

‘WHAT?! Y/N, you’re being hysterical! Who even knows if Anya is going the same way as them, I mean why would she?? These are dangerous men! She’d be scared! You need to go, there’s nothing you can-‘

‘SHUT UP! I know it’s a long shot but….’ You thought about it for a bit. ‘…. There’s actually a high chance she IS following them. That girl’s sense of adventure is… scary. And what good will you do by yourself?? You’re an office worker, not in the military like your stupid suit suggests! They took the kids! They might have Anya now!!! AAAUGH!’

You got up, a protective nature taking you over. ‘WE’RE WASTING TIME! You can either come with me or go get the fucking police yourself!’ You ran to the direction the man had pointed. You didn’t know what you were looking for, but you were frantic, looking for traces anywhere of the dog or Anya.

Unbeknownst to you, Yuri was following you, trying to decide what to do. You couldn’t get involved. As a civilian… this was too dangerous, you could risk everything! He resolved himself to doing what he had to do, as his job entailed. Taking you out. He’d knock you out with a blow and deal with the consequences later.

He readied his arm, aimed as you paused to look around, and-

The image of you, scared of him, popped into his head and made his arm falter.

‘PAW PRINTS!’

You ducked to the pavement, and he missed.

There was a dirty puddle that pooled ahead of you, and from it there were light traces of water droplets and grit in the form of paws. You had a lead!

‘Come on, Yuri!’ You got back up and ran ahead. Yuri gripped his palm tightly, squeezing the fabric of his glove as he exhaled and followed you. He’s missing out on crucial time he should be using to find the kidnappers. He should be doing his work!!! He considered leaving you behind, but you were so engrossed in your following of the paw prints-

A door to someone’s residence opened and its occupant almost ran into you. Luckily, Yuri grabbed your shirt collar just in time. You thanked Yuri, apologized to the startled person, and kept going, walking faster now. You could not be left alone. This area is currently dangerously close to a shooting while the perpetrators were still out. He was sure you would find a way to get yourself involved and killed. He had to try knocking you out again, to keep you somewhere safe. To stop worrying about you…

He didn’t want you involved at all.

But every time he did, it was like a guardian angel blessed you from his strike, making him not fast enough, not committed enough. So he. Kept. Missing. And you, oblivious to it all, kept investigating. Eventually, clues left behind left you stopping by a corner and peeking past it to see… armed and men entering a back door. You punched the wall in triumph. Yuri… was impressed.

‘… You got lucky.’

‘No I didn’t! I followed Bond’s trail!’

‘What is that dog thinking? What is ANYA thinking???’

‘… If we get out of this, I am not taking them out again.’

‘Yeah,’ Yuri paused and looked at you. This had to be it. He’d do it now. He steeled his worry. ‘I’ll make sure you do-‘

He had moved to grab you, but you ran to the residence as soon as the last masked man went inside. Yuri’s worry grew tenfold at your boldness; they just went in!! What were you doing following them?!

He whisper-shouted at you. ‘Y/N! SERIOSULY!’ He moved to follow you. ‘Leave this alone!!! You’re going to get shot-‘

You both moved to the side of the rickety residence and were witness to a shaggy tail hopping through an open window.

Bond.

You ran to follow it, also scream-whispering now.

‘ANYA! BOOOND!’

The window was somewhat high, so you moved to be on your tiptoes to look inside. It was a hallway, and you could make out someone moving to the left, rounding a corner.

‘Yuri, help me!’

Yuri was not having it. He grabbed you by your sides and tried yanking you off.

‘No! I refuse! Let me handle it, Y/N, for fuck’s sakes-‘

‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING? We’re already here! S-Stop grabbing there!!!!’ You made a squeak as he brushed something he shouldn’t have.

‘YURI!!!!!’

‘I WOULDN’T HAVE TOUCHED IT IF YOU’D JUST-‘

You both heard the sound of the back door open. Footsteps were coming out.

Time moved slowly for you as you were launched up to the window. You got halfway through and silently cursed in your head as you moved the rest of yourself in, trying very hard to make as little noise as possible as you fell inside. Yuri was surprisingly quicker and much more graceful with his entrance.

Now you were impressed.

‘Woah, you make that look easy-‘

‘God damn it Y/N…’ Yuri was pissed. Now you (a civilian) and him were both inside the enemy building, without a plan, without inside knowledge, and with kids on the line. He rubbed his forehead as he considered what to do, the stress getting to him. ‘… I should stuff you in a closet until this is over.’

‘And risk getting found and shot? No thanks.’ You tried moving past him to go to the corridor you knew Anya and Bond went to, but he snatched you. He didn’t want to let you go.

‘I’m deadly serious here, I think you should hide while I look for the kids.’

‘But I know where Anya went… come on, they turned this corner-‘

There were sounds of men making muffled, surprised noises, and a few thumps from the floor coming from the wall next to you.

You and Yuri locked eyes. Yuri sighed and grabbed you by the arm. He led the way as you both walked to the room the noises came from. He stayed outside and listened for any signs of someone being inside. He could only hear soft sounds like someone struggling with something. It could be the kids… He motioned for you to stand back as he cautiously opened the door…

The sight was unbelievable, as Anya and Bond were trying to untie the unconscious boys on the floor with the bodies of two unconscious men nearby. The four of you looked at one another. Anya and Bond shook as if they had been caught.

‘Anya!!!! I knew it! I told you Yuri!!! She was here-‘

‘And what IS she doing here?’ Yuri closed the door behind him and locked it. He crossed his arms and looked at Anya with new suspicion. Anya could read his thoughts, it wouldn’t be Yuri if he wasn’t ready to start questioning a child. Anya tripped over her explanation.

‘I-I WAS LOOKING FOR A PIN I UM- I DROPPED IT AND I SAW- D-DAMIEN WAS KIDNAPPED AND! AND! I’M UH- HERO-‘

Yuri’s stare was making you uncomfortable. You jumped in at Anya’s defense, moving to kneel next to her and deciphering what she was trying to say.

‘Anya, were you trying to play hero by chasing after Damien?’

Anya was sweating bullets as she read what you were trying to do. She nodded enthusiastically at the excuse.

‘I- I wanted to save him! Anya is a good girl!’

You made a noise in your throat of frustration and you grabbed her shoulders.

‘That was stupid!!! You’re just a little girl, Anya! There’s nothing you could do-‘

‘Oh, NOW you’re calling the kettle black!’ Yuri stepped in, moving towards the knocked out guards. He inspected them, they were still alive and had a curious bruise on their necks with a small puncture. He materialized thin rope from a pocket in his uniform and got to tying them like it was nothing.

‘I told you to stay back, and look where you are now!’

You were stunned looking at Yuri move as if he’s done this before. Like this was a routine he knew by heart. Your mind lagged as you tried forming a response.

‘That… That was different! I’m Anya’s caretaker today-‘

‘Yeah? And you failed. You let her get in this mess, and you should’ve let me handle it. Now you’re a liability.’

The harshness in his voice cut you off. You were stunned looking at him, a liability to what exactly? You began spiraling with your thoughts as Yuri finished securing the knots and got up. He had another question for Anya.

‘What happened to these men?’

That, Anya couldn’t answer. She became sheepish. ‘U-Um… Anya walked inside and- It was scary but… they both just fell!’

Yuri racked his brain and looked outside. The men were near a window. By the puncture marks, it looked like someone darted them from the next building. But why? And where were the darts?

Yuri looked at the men, then at the boys. He couldn’t risk more coming in.

‘Alright, we should take the children and go. We’re going to need to escape through the window we came out of before their friends show up.’

You jolted from your delusions, and really looked at Yuri. … you decided your concerns could be saved for another day when you weren’t so close to death. As suspicious as Yuri was being, at least he seemed competent.

You nodded and took one of the boys while Yuri took two. The trip down the corridor went without a hitch, with it being clear. Yuri helped you outside first, passed you one child after the other, and was the last to jump down. So far so good. You all waited for the guard that was watching outside to go in. He took his time, but he did eventually put out his cigarette and go in.

The coast was clear.

You made a run for it, moving one way and another, getting as far from there as possible. Everything was going to be okay! Everyone made it! You were ready to keep running, but Yuri stopped when he found a telephone booth. He told you he’d call for help. He put down the two children and went inside. You couldn’t hear what he was saying, but you took the chance to catch your breath. When he came out, he looked better.

‘Someone will be here in a few minutes to help you with the kids.’

‘Great! That means we’re good now, right?’

‘…’ He turned around and grabbed you by the shoulders. He gripped them tightly, too tightly.

‘Yuri, that hurts-‘

‘Listen to me.’ You pause and look up at him. He looked like the same, scary Yuri he was when you first met him. Cold, spiteful. Not your usual Yuri these days.

‘I need to go back to… get something. You need to stay with the kids. Do you hear me?’

Your blood froze. He was going back? To those men with guns? You shook your head.

‘No- No you’re not! Yuri, what’s going on?’

‘Nothing that concerns you now.’ He was being very matter-of-factly with you.

‘Stay with the kids.’

You stayed silent as he moved away from you and began running the way he came. You had a lot to chew on in the minutes you spent sitting with Anya and the others, waiting for someone to pick you all up.

Yuri was involved in something dangerous. The image of him working an office job was long gone. You couldn’t believe that anymore. So what? What was it he was doing? Who was he really?

You didn’t realize it, but Anya was reading your thoughts and pitying you. She laid her head on your shoulder and gave you a one-sided hug. It was enough to make you momentarily pause and give her a pat back.

‘Are you tired?’

‘…. Yeah.’

‘Hm…. Crazy day… you really shouldn’t have run off.’

‘…. I’m really sorry.’

Anya clutched your shirt, face taught with emotion she couldn’t share. How could she tell you that Damien could have died if Bond hadn’t gotten a vision? If she hadn’t ran past her dad in disguise and made him follow her? It was true that she wanted to be a hero but… it was really him who saved the boys.

‘I really wanted to help. I was… scared.’

The sincerity in her words made your conscience twist. She shouldn’t have been in that situation. It was irresponsible. But…

You did the same, by not calling the authorities and jumping in. You sighed and your hand found hers. You held it.

‘I know what it feels like…’

You stayed silent the rest of the time waiting for someone to come. Eventually, one such man wearing a similar outfit to Yuri’s stepped into view. He was with others in different clothing, but all willing to help. They took care of the boys, taking them away, and the man in uniform offered to take you and Anya home. You asked about Yuri.

The man blinked, surprised that you knew his name. After looking at you little closer, his face beamed.

‘Are you Yuri’s wife?’

‘… yes.’

His smile softened. ‘I can assure you your husband will be alright. He’s going to be taken back for questioning, but that’s just standard procedure. He’ll…. Probably be home late tonight.’

‘Oh…’ You didn’t know what you expected, but the casual reassurance the man gave you… only solidified the pit in your stomach. You clutched your chest and looked to the direction Yuri ran off. You didn’t know how you would face him when he came home.

You agreed to the car ride and both you and Anya stumbled back after everything, tired. Anya felt guilty for the sadness you felt. It was to save Damian but… she still felt like a bad kid. She held your hand and promised to herself she’d make it up to you.

Yuri didn't talk to you for days.

He avoided you, woke up earlier, came home later, ate out and would simply stay in his room. He was still mad, and it was driving you crazy with guilt and fear.

You knew you fucked up. What if you couldn’t be friends anymore? What if he didn't want you anymore? What if he divorced you? What if-

The image of cold Yuri in a uniform came back to your head.

.... what if something worse happened to you?

Your fear was palpable. You didn't know how to confront it. You know what you saw; a different side of Yuri. A scary one that was hiding something.

... you missed not knowing. You missed being able to just laugh with him. You hated the anxiety, the quiet, the stress. You didn't like this.

It was making you sick.

So finally, a day before completing a full week of silence, you took action. Fuck your fear. This was worse.

Yuri slowly moved to go back home after another grueling day squeezing something out of nothing. There still weren’t any leads on who these terrorists worked for, why they targeted Damien, or who shot them-

That mystery was particularly driving him insane. It was as if someone had planned to take the boys from the house, but Yuri walked in and made them run.

… did this mean there was yet another threat he had to look out for? Yuri groaned as he made his way into his apartment complex. Stepping through, his mind went from one drag… to another.

You.

… How could he deal with you?

Days had passed and still, he was unable to let go of his anger… and his fear. He felt immense disappointment in himself for his inability to put you down. He had been given a warning for his misconduct; he spinned the story differently by saying that you were already trying to get inside when he found you but still… you were his wife. He was in trouble. And he took the shame; he blamed himself fully for being unable to take you down. He could have handled everything by himself. You didn’t need to get yourself in danger. You didn’t need to…. See him while he worked.

When he went back to their hideout, he kept feeling paranoid that you would pop back in. Find him smashing people’s heads. His fear only made him angrier. You shouldn’t have been here. This was your fault.

It…. It was your fault.

Your fault he had nightmares where you didn’t make it. Nightmares where he you were caught in the crossfire and were shot. Nightmares where you found him in a room full of corpses and you weeped. Nightmares where you ran away from him, screaming and calling him a murderer.

Nightmares where he’d come home and you were gone.

He gripped his key and stood outside your door. His door. Both of yours. He felt slapped again by the fact that you were married to him by obligation. Your relationship was so… fragile. He was sickening himself with worry over the thought of being without you.

When did you get this much power over him? It was so unfair!

He choked on a breath and had to calm himself down. He couldn’t keep waiting outside… he didn’t want Yor to catch him.

Yuri came inside and calmed himself by reminding himself tomorrow would be his day off. He could take it easy… maybe bring a drink to his room. He looked up from taking off his coat and found you waiting for him with brandy and glasses.

You pat the seat next to you. 'Please join me...'

... his heart hammered in his chest.

‘Why won’t you talk to me?’

You decided to start with that question as you poured some liquid into a cup and handed it to him. Yuri took it but didn’t reply.

… This wouldn’t get you anywhere. You drank from your glass and thought about what to say. You closed your eyes, took in a breath, and moved to face him.

‘Yuri… I really want to talk to you again. Please…? Can you tell me what’s wrong?’

Yuri’s face hardened. He also closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Then he chugged his glass in one go. He slammed it back to the table and looked at you with accusatory eyes.

‘You didn’t listen to me!’

‘…. Yeah. You’re right, I didn’t-’

‘You are SO. DUMB!’

‘HEY NOW!’

‘What kind of IDIOT sees multiple men that were shot and thinks ‘OH, I SHOULD FOLLOW THE PEOPLE THAT DID THIS!’ You. You are that idiot.’ He poured another glass and downed it, moving onto a third with shaking hands as he continued.

‘Fucking hunting down tracks like a junior detective. You ran RIGHT INTO DANGER with no plan and no skills in combat. What would have happened if I wasn’t there? If we weren’t so…. God damned BLESSED to have been able to get out of there scott free! Do you know how much of a miracle that was? No! You don’t know! You don’t know anything- You’re seriously so-‘

You stopped him before he could continue his consumption of alcohol. No way were you letting this man go on like this.

‘Yuri, pace yourself! No more!’

‘I know what I can handle. Focus on yourself. It’s the only thing you’re good at anyways.’

Woah. Hold on.

'I wasn’t being selfish! I was scared for Anya! Waiting for the police felt like a waste of time… I just wanted to help-'

‘Well you could have left it to me then! You could have just stayed put and I would’ve handled it.’

You snorted. You couldn’t help it. You suspected from the bit you saw of his ‘work’ that he might be right… but you still weren’t just going to stand around and do nothing…

‘You’re just one man, Yuri! Those were a lot of men with guns! What were you going to do if you got to that room alone? You wouldn’t have been able to drag so many kids out by yourself-‘

You weren’t understanding! Yuri grabbed your arms.

'I COULD HAVE FIGURED IT OUT! I can take care of myself just fine, Y/N, I’ve been through so much worse! But you can’t!!!' Your eyes widened at the declaration. You wanted to ask more but…

His face-

He looked on the verge of tears. He moved his head away from you and squeezed his eyes.

'I....' Yuri shook... and he slowly squeezed your arms a few times to center himself before continuing.

'I've taken defense classes. My job is... dangerous. I'm important.'

He couldn't believe what he was spilling. He didn't want to spell it out to you but, damn it. Damn it! You and your stupid curiosity. He squeezed his eyes and let go of one of your arms to wipe at them.

'You're weak. You could've gotten hurt. Please... be more conscious of that. Listen to me when I tell you to stop.’

You ached as you watched Yuri like this. He cared about you... and this scared him. That much was evident. No matter his secrets, his personality change, his questionable job...

This was the Yuri you knew. The one you... could depend on. The one you… crushed on. You were quick to back down and relent to him.

'... fine. You’re… right, I…. didn’t know. I’m sorry... I’m sorry for jumping in blind on something as serious as that. I won’t.... do it again.'

Your promise felt hollow, but it was what Yuri wanted. What he needed to hear. You felt your heart squeeze as his grip on you relaxed. He released the breath he was holding, turned around, and took back his glass.

'Alright...'

The mood was becoming… lighter. Now that you talked it out, now that you both shared your grievances…

What else was there to do other than drink?

You were tipsy. Yuri was drunk. The conversation had stayed slightly… stiff as you both sipped on your drinks, you had conversed about stuff you missed in the week of silence, and it was only… bringing you guys down again.

There was that awkward quiet again.

You decided what you needed was a change in location. This experience would be better in your bed. You picked up the rest of the bottle and made the trek to your room. Yuri was beside himself, tripping as he followed you. You placed your glass and bottle on your nightstand and laid down on your bed, making an exaggerated noise of comfiness. Everything felt better when you were tipsy.

In your hazy mind, you began reminiscing about your siblings, Anya and her friends. How cute they were, becoming friends and looking out for each other. A curious, silly question came to mind.

‘… do you think we would’ve been friends in grade school?’

It caught Yuri off guard. He stumbled into bed to lie next to you, settling on his back as he mulled it over. He wasn’t sure if it would have happened. He was… never the most open-minded kid and… he might have been one to shun you back then. But he wasn’t like that anymore. And- he wanted to believe in good things right now…

‘…. Possibly. You needed friends. Kid-version-of-me might as well have stepped up...’

You laughed at the mental image of a young Yuri brashly declaring you as his friend. It was cute… and it made you want to ask more.

‘You know about my school years… but what about you?’ You decided to turn the conversation around. Yor always told stories about Yuri’s academic successes but… never spoke about any other school passions. Or about any friends of his.

‘How was school for you? Too busy with your nose buried in a book?’

You teased him and expected a shove or something back… but Yuri didn’t move from his spot. You looked over and found him staring at the ceiling. He looked… serious.

‘Yeah. I mean. It was that or…’ Yuri narrowed his eyes and looked away. He took in a breath.

‘I guess you can say I can sympathize with your crappy school situation.’

Yuri confesses to a lot of his childhood hardships. Things he hadn’t even told his sister about. Like minor bullying he dealt with; being a bookworm and a bit of a teacher’s pet, he was an easy target for students annoyed at him. Students with better families and financial situations. He tried ignoring them at first, but it didn’t work. They sought him out. So eventually, he began lashing out, and his classmates… became fearful of him. He was finally given the peace he wanted… by becoming ostracized and avoided. At least, up until he got into a good high school and started over.

Yuri tried turning the story around. He learned how to make friends. He surrounded himself with peers that were as engaging as him. He’s successful now. He’s grown.

Still… it was unexpected to feel you hug him.

‘H-Huh-‘

‘I’m so sorry you went through that.’

In Yuri’s bewilderment, you moved to get more comfortable, his face to your chest, your arms more firmly planted and your chin on his head.

‘You deserved better. You were a good kid… to be driven to that point… kids can be such fucking dicks.’

Yuri blinked. His brain finally caught up. You were hugging him. It was comfortable. He was hugged and he was comforted, and he liked it. His hands shakily grasped at your arms and he closed his eyes.

‘Y-Yeah but- that’s in the past! It doesn’t even matter anymore!’

‘Hm… I think it does. I think it shaped you into being as cautious as you are now…’ Your tongue was loose from the alcohol, you shared too much. And you were too daring with your affection. You moved him to look into his eyes, your hands firmly on his face.

‘But… you’re right. You’re successful. You rose above those little shits and you’re all the better for it.’ You smiled, wide and smug and beautiful. His breath caught in his throat as you moved his hair aside.

‘I’m so proud of you Yuri. You’re so strong.’

Yuri had nowhere to hide anymore. He was trapped, unable to look away from you, and stunned by the rush of emotion that overwhelmed him. He tried deflecting it, he couldn’t accept your praise for once-

‘T-That’s… all thanks to Yor, though! Yor kept me going! Yor provided for the family! T-That’s why she deserves all the credit-‘

You shook your head and got up. ‘Nonono, shhh, Yuri.’ You’re leaning over him now, almost on top of him, penetrating him with your eyes. ‘I know. I understand and I admire her too for all she’s done. But your accomplishments are also your own. You defended yourself. You studied. You learned.’

Your head leans down unwillingly, like you were letting gravity win, until it touches his and you’re sharing breaths. You’re smiling again.

‘What happened to cocky Yuri? Accept it. You’re amazing, Yuri. No one in the world is like you.’

Yuri’s eyebrows knit together, and his heart exploded. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, he can’t stand looking at you any longer. He moves quickly, sweeping you into an embrace now, making you the smaller spoon. You can hear his thunderous heart through his shirt, but you’re too busy feeling giddy from his cute reaction. You giggle as he tried changing the subject.

The rest of the night is spent still being touchy, hanging on to each other's clothing or bodies as you laugh and cry and laugh again. Sometimes you both sit up to chug more booze, but you always melted back into each other’s arms.

Finally, the booze is gone and you’re both getting tired. But, getting off your high, you decide you have one last confession to make.

'I know I've told you that love doesn't matter for me…'

Yuri’s interest is immediately piqued. He doesn’t want to show it, but he is all ears and he can’t help looking at you, inching closer as you continue.

'.... it does. I’m... no different than anyone else. Of course I want to fall in love. Of course I want... to feel good. But here... with my life.' You give a bitter laugh; your tears had already left you.

'I knew I had to take what I can get. And… yeah, it’s better than being married to a creep... to settle for something loveless.' You force a smile.

'Yeah… it’s not all bad, I guess. This, being with you, is way better. Honestly! Better than I could’ve hoped for. I am so grateful for you, Yuri. You’re such a joy to have around… Yor has become my good friend… but I feel… somehow, a lot closer to you.'

Yuri's heart began palpitating, anticipating what comes next. Was this finally it? You love him. Just say it. Everything he had been wanting to hear, the thing he had been hoping for….

His heart stops when an extra tear manages to escape your dry eye.

'... still. I kinda wish I could’ve had a romance at some point. Would've been nice to hear that someone loves me... at least once.'

.... there is a silence in the room. Yuri looked at your defeated form. The unexpected occurs.

'I love you.'

Earnest. His words left him without a thought. He couldn’t be bothered to think it through better, it’s what he felt. What he’s been holding back, fighting, denying. And saying it... made him feel so much better. He didn’t smile, but he hoped he looked serious. He hoped he could convey that he meant it.

He said it again, making sure your eyes were on his.

‘I love you.’

... you were stunned for words. Yuri loved you. The possibility of your crush coming true fluttered in your chest. He loved you. He told you he loved you. Yuri…. Drunk Yuri… Yuri who puts his sister over everyone…. Yuri who said he’d never be in a real relationship…

Reason won over a funny fantasy. He loved you like a friend. That had to be it.

‘Yeah… he's drunk and overemotional...’ you remind yourself. And you laugh.

‘But… eh. What the hell. I'm drunk too...'

You decided you could use this a bit. To let go of your crush. To let something hide in plain sight. You closed your eyes and took a shaky breath.

'I love you too.'

You're smiling. You're beautiful. His heart is in his throat. Yuri can’t speak, he breathes in shakily. He is so happy. And lost. And a bit.... too unwell. The strong emotions and the alcohol don’t mix well. The man is in the restroom for a while, vomiting his feelings into the toilet as you laugh and begin to pass out without a care. This was the culmination of the night… you were both feeling completely wiped.

By the times he's done, he’s feeling better, and after brushing his teeth and a change of clothes, he goes into your bedroom, more sober now but still in a daze... He sees you asleep and ponders going back to his room.

… He lays beside you instead. He can’t help stare at you and wonder about tomorrow. All the things that are going to change now that you’re together. Really. Truthfully. Officially.

You were married… and you loved each other.

He's... excited. He snuggles up to you and closes his eyes, enjoying your breath on his. He wants to do this every night. He wants to keep you forever. Yeah…

He’s excited.

He’s in love.

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