#What the fuck are doing in our food pantry kid????

[bravingthewaves]

Does anyone want to hear about the One Piece fanfic I started in 2015 but will probably never finish?

#Features a Luffy born during the Golden Age of piracy #A Luffy that raised Sabo and Ace and had them taken out on adventures like they were family vacations so #OP Wild Children Sabo and Ace and their subsequent chaos #Luffy while not The Legend is still a living legend because even if his dream hadn't been the Pirate King #He was still Luffy and did as Luffy does #He also stowed away on quite a few infamous pirate ships #What the fuck are doing in our food pantry kid???? #Luffy: what does it look like I'm eating 🍖😒🍖 #one piece #monkey d. luffy #asl brothers #straw hat pirates

[reasonsforhope]

Legit though, we should start turning ecosystem restoration and work to make our world more tolerant to the effects of climate change into annual holidays and festivals

Like how just about every culture used to have festivals to celebrate the beginning of the harvest or its end, or the beginning of planting, or how whole communities used to host barn raisings and quilting bees - everyone coming together at once to turn the work of months or years into the work of a few days

Humble suggestions for festival types:

Goat festival

Besides controlled burns (which you can't do if there's too much dead brush), the fastest, most effective, and most cost-efficient way to clear brush before fire season - esp really heavy dead brush - is to just. Put a bunch of goats on your land for a few days!

Remember that Shark Tank competitor who wanted to start a goat rental company, and everyone was like wtf? There was even a whole John Oliver bit making fun of the idea? Well THAT JUST PROVES THEY'RE FROM NICE WET PLACES, because goat rental companies are totally a thing, and they're great.

So like. Why don't we have a weekend where everyone with goats just takes those goats to the nearest land that needs a ton of clearing? Public officials could put up maps of where on public lands grazing is needed, and where it definitely shouldn't happen. Farmers and people/groups with a lot of acres that need clearing can post Goat Requests.

Little kids can make goat-themed crafts and give the goats lots of pets or treats at the end of the day for doing such a good job. Volunteers can help wrangle things so goats don't get where they're not supposed to (and everyone fences off land nowadays anyway, mostly). And the goats, of course, would be in fucking banquet paradise.

Planting Festival and Harvest Festival

Why mess with success??? Bring these back where they've disappeared!!! Time to swarm the community gardens and help everyone near you with a farm make sure that all of their seeds are sown and none of the food goes to waste in the fields, decaying and unpicked.

And then set up distribution parts of the festival so all the extra food gets where it needs to be! Boxes of free lemons in front of your house because you have 80 goddamned lemons are great, but you know what else would be great? An organized effort to take that shit to food pantries (which SUPER rarely get fresh produce, because they can't hold anything perishable for long at all) and community/farmer's markets

Rain Capture Festival

The "water year" - how we track annual rainfall and precipitation - is offset from the regular calendar year because, like, that's just when water cycles through the ecosystems (e.g. meltwater). At least in the US, the water year is October 1st through September 30th of the next year, because October 1st is around when all the snowmelt from last year is gone, and a new cycle is starting as rain begins to fall again in earnest.

So why don't we all have a big barn raising equivalent every September to build rain capture infrastructure?

Team up with some neighbors to turn one of those little grass strips on the sidewalk into a rain-garden with fall-planting plants. Go down to your local church and help them install some gutters and rain barrels. Help deculvert rivers so they run through the dirt again, and make sure all the storm drains in your neighborhood are nice and clear.

Even better, all of this - ESPECIALLY the rain gardens - will also help a ton with flood control!

I'm so serious about how cool this could be, yall.

And people who can't or don't want to do physical stuff for any of these festivals could volunteer to watch children or cook food for the festival or whatever else might need to be done!

Parties afterward to celebrate all the good work done! Community building and direct local improvements to help protect ourselves from climate change!

The possibilities are literally endless, so not to sound like an influencer or some shit, but please DO comment or reply or put it in the notes if you have thoughts, esp on other things we could hold festivals like this for.

Canning festivals. "Dig your elderly neighbors out of the snow" festivals. Endangered species nesting count festival. Plant fruit trees on public land and parks festival. All of the things that I don't know anywhere near enough to think of. Especially in more niche or extreme ecosystems, there are so many possibilities that could do a lot of good

#climate change #climate action #climate crisis #climate hope #solarpunk #hopepunk #hope posting #community building #ecosystem #ecosystem restoration #forest fire #fire prevention #flood #flood prevention #harvest #harvest festival #regenerative agriculture #modern farming #water conservation #meteorology #festival #not news #hope #climate optimism

[midnightsxblue]

VIRGINITY (PART TWO)

carl grimes x fem!reader

(you and carl get some alone time.)

tags: p in v sex, unprotected sex (don’t recommend yall)

masterlist here!

read part one here!

─── ─── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ─── ───

The day you lost your virginity, everything seemed so…weird. Rick and Michonne had planned to go on a run for a couple of days and the two of you were left with Judith. You’d both asked for advice from Glenn and Maggie and while you got some pretty good advice, Carl got an awkward conversation and a condom.

This was your chance. That morning, you and Carl woke up early to say goodbye to them. “The two of you are gonna be here with Judith, okay? I have Daryl sort of keepin an eye on you so behave.” Rick tells you, packing some cans of food from the pantry into his bag. You look to Carl with sort of an annoyed look. He returns the same.

“Understand?” You both turn to Rick and nod. “Yeah we got it.” Carl replies. Now you had to figure out a way to get Daryl off your back as well. “I trust ‘em.” Michonne approaches from behind you, putting her hand on your shoulder while giving you a smile. You smile at her back, knowing you’re kinda lying to her. But you’re a horny teenager. You gotta do what you gotta do.

“Well…I’m sure they appreciate that. We gotta go.” Rick tells Michonne, zipping up his bag and throwing it over his shoulder. He makes his way through the house, the rest of you following after. You give them their hugs and say goodbye. Once the door slams shut, Judith starts crying. Screaming at the top of her fucking lungs.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” You hold your head in your hands, unprepared for the headache about to overtake your brain. “Hey, don’t be stressed. We can use this to our advantage.” Carl smiles and picks up Judith as she sobbed, also grabbing a couple toys before walking out the front door. You watch him walk all the way over to the armory to hand her off to Olivia.

When he disappeared into the faraway house, you turned around to find something to do. When you do turn around, you’re met with Daryl. “Jesus what the fuck!” You practically jump back, Daryl just looks at you like you’re crazy. “Don’t do that, holy shit- where did you come from!?” You put your hand over your heart and try your best to catch your breath. “The back door.” He just stares at you till you’re done. You finally catch your breath.

“Do I seriously need to watch over the two of ya or can I go work on my bike?” He asks, you sort of hesitate for some odd reason, you felt bad for lying. “We’ll be fine. Probably gonna make some soup or something and I might go to the range later. I dunno what he’ll do, probably clean his gun.” You shock yourself with how elaborate that lie was. He nods. “Okay. I’ll see ya.” He made his way out the front door.

─── ⋆⋅ ꩜ ⋅⋆ ───

A little later, Carl came back and met with you in your guys’ room where you were changing. He closed the door behind him and you turn around to smile at him, your shirt sliding off your arms. “Whatcha doing?” You ask with an endearing smile. He walks a bit closer. “Looking at you.” You giggle at his response. “You mean watching me change? That’s a bit perverted don’t you think?” You rummage through your closet for another shirt.

“I don’t think so.” He slowly comes up behind you, sliding his hands over your waist. He lodges his face into the crook of your neck where begins to plant harsh kisses. “Stop looking.” He tells you, lowering your arms from the clothes you had in your hand. You turn to face him and he smiles once you do. “You’re so pretty.” He puts his hand up to hold your cheek while he pulls you in for another kiss. This one was soft, the kind of kiss that really meant something. A feeling in your stomach told you things would only get better from here.

The kisses continue, only getting more intense and eventually his tongue slips into your mouth. You let out a small moan and you can feel him smile at that as he kissed you even more. You feel him pull you a little and you follow, your mouths still intertwined. He quickly spins you and plops you on the bed. He seemed confident on the outside, little did you know he was extremely nervous. You sit back with your arms propping you up and he leans in to kiss you again, his hands going straight to the buttons of your jeans. It’s quickly unbuttoned and he starts to tug them off you, standing to discard his own shirt as well.

Looking at him like this drives you insane. His messy hair, swollen lips, and the very obvious boner confined by his jeans. You were both scared and excited. Carl on the other hand was just really fucking horny. He got on the bed above you, one of his knees between your legs rutting against your clothed cunt. You let out yet another small moan and this prompts him to pull away and reach around to your back to unfasten your bra. Or try at least.

He was new to this, you can’t blame him. He fiddles with the clasp in a frustrated manner. “I just wanna see you.” He frowns, upset at himself for not being able to successfully take your bra off. You look at him with a sly smile. He shuts his eyes and rests his forehead on yours, his hand freezing in place as he accepted defeat. “Could you help me please?” He has a defeated tone and you laugh, undoing the clasp of your bra, letting it slide down your arms. While you did so, he worked on undressing you completely and then you waited for him to undress himself.

You’d palmed him once, you knew he wasn’t small but christ. Now you were definitely nervous. He smiled at you, basking in your beauty before leaning down to kiss a trail all the way from your stomach, up to your chest, to your neck. He was so unbelievably happy. He leaned back up to kiss you some more, his hand wandering down to your thigh, pulling it up. Your other thigh moves up instinctively and he pulls away to look down to actually do this.

He holds your legs at the back of your knees while guides himself to where he believes is the right spot. Glenn was a fucking liar. He has no idea what he’s doing. Maggie was right. Jesus this was so awkward. “Um…i-is this right or-” He stutters hoping you’d know how to guide him. You did, you helped him but not without accidentally sliding his tip against your clit, extracting a sharp moan from the both of you. Once he found your hole, he looked at you before slowly pushing into you.

Your mouth drops slightly at the feeling, his eyebrows furrow in pleasure. “This okay?” He asked quietly, stopping to hear your response. “Mhm s’fine just keep going slow.” He nodded and kept pushing, eventually bottoming out. He was breathing heavily, and you were too but he seemed to be on another planet. “A-are you okay?” You sort of giggle. His eyes are shut and he nods. “Just really tight that’s all.” He says breathlessly, gripping your thighs like he was never gonna let go. “Mkay. you can start moving if-if you’re ready.”

Well he’s been ready. He begins to slowly stroke in and out of you, he opens his eyes and leans down to kiss you. You moan into his mouth and you wrap your arms around him. He props himself up to hover over you, still pressing his length into your now, sopping heat. He leans his head back into your neck, moaning against your skin while you leave indents on his back from your nails. “You’re so good, so warm n wet. l-love you s-so much. Please.” He rambled, not even sure why he was saying please.

You could only moan in response, muttering a small “I love you too”back. He started to thrust a bit faster, his pace only increasing. It got to the point where you couldn’t even speak. You could tell he was close to cumming, you were too. Everything felt so good, his affection was only making it ten times better. He was so sweet with you, he really wanted you to feel good and not just him. You were glad he was the one taking your virginity.

“Carl-f-fuck I’m gonna cum.” You tell him, your nails digging into his skin deeper than before which causes him to groan. “Mhm me too.” His voice sounds somewhat strained. You clench around him before cumming all over his cock, him following soon after. He bottoms out inside of you one last time, hitting your g-spot perfectly, causing you to both moan loudly.

He smiles satisfactorily, pulling you into his embrace while he breathes heavily. “You’re so perfect.” He presses a kiss to your jaw and smiles against your skin. “You are. I feel so good.” You say basically astounded, reaching your hand up to rest in his hair. You spend a moment, just breathing and enjoying the afterglow.

Suddenly, Carl pulls away from your neck, and looks up as if he had heard something. You eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“What is it?”

“We forgot the condom.”

─── ─── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ─── ───

a/n: ok cuz i’m scared and nervous to post this but imma do it anyway THIS WAS MY FIRST TIME WRITING SMUT i hope it’s okayyy i feel like it was so sped up and im mad about it but let’s ignore that 0-0 hope you like ittttttttttt (im so scared right now you shut up)

ppl to tag: @zomb-1-egutzz

(sorry if u didn’t wanna be tagged for this LMAO)

#carl grimes #twd #the walking dead #carl grimes twd #carl grimes fanfiction #carl grimes fluff #carl grimes x reader #carl grimes x fem!reader #carl grimes x y/n #carl grimes the walking dead #carl grimes smut #the walking dead carl #twd carl

[jaeyunverse]

the perks of having a hot best friend (teaser)

PAIRING(S) | lee jeno x fem!reader

GENRE(S) | fluff, mild angst, crack, best friends to lovers, mutual pining + more to be added as i write!

EST. WORD COUNT | around 10k  

WARNING(S) | profanity, jeno is cocky and annoying but mc loves him regardless, he’s also shirtless in a scene so that makes mc love him more, this is hella self-indulgent + all warnings to be included in full fic!!!!  

SUMMARY | having a hot best friend is nice until you start getting butterflies in your stomach every single time you look at them.

TAGLIST | @notbeforelong​ @w3bqrl​ @rikiflowers​ @mochisnlix​ @allorysayshi​ @hiqhkey​ @angel-hyuckie​ @markleeisdabestdrug​ @j4kesworld​ @timetoten​ @vantxx95​ @sweetjaemss​ @bigtittietoji​ @ahnneyong​ @iwonzzi​ @sunshine-skz​ @baekhyunstruly​ @ja4hyvn​ @centheodd​ @ily-cuz-i​ @jeongyeon27​ @kdyism​ @keemburley @iioyous @n0hyuck @luvenshiti @pckeia @donutswithjaminthemiddle @mosviqu @deobitiful @jeonnyread @h1acynth @pjofics @venusprada @matchahyuck @tbzussy @babyksworld @kae-t-eee @bockhyun @rbf-aceu @ablackbtsstan @tamakofever @naemakkuri @sadgirlroo @fariylixie0915 @pradagukkie @babyjenono @hibernatinghamster @jaemnationnn @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @bustedneos send an ask or comment to be added!

AUTHOR’S NOTE | hi!!!! i am deep in my jeno brainrot as always :”) i hope this fic (whenever it comes out) helps you realise you are in love with jeno because you ARE no one can escape that man and you’re lying to yourself if you think he doesn’t affect you!!!! LOL just kidding (i’m being completely srs). also a few paragraphs have been cut from this extract so some stuff might not make sense right away and i probably should have mentioned this at the start of the note but JENO

posted!

02) hugs always make you feel warm and safe thanks to all the beef underneath

“Why do we need such a big bottle of Sprite?”

“Party at my place this weekend. There’s a discount so I’m buying in advance.”

You frowned. “Shouldn’t you be stocking up on booze?”

“The guys said I have an alcohol addiction,” Jeno said, getting in line at the billing counter. “Which is, like, totally untrue but you know I never back down from a challenge. I’m going to prove them wrong by staying sober for two weeks.”

“Sure,” you snorted. “You just find lame loopholes or cheat when no one’s looking.”

A sly grin took form on Jeno’s lips. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and drawled, “I know what you do when no one’s looking.”

“Really?” You feigned a gasp. “You know I sneak over to your house and steal your food when you’re not there?”

His smile dropped immediately. “Wait, what? That’s you? Not Hyuck?”

“The food thief is me but the one stealing your sheet masks is Hyuck,” you admitted.

“He steals my masks?! The ones I buy are expensive as fuck!” Jeno exclaimed, betrayal seeping into his features. His hands fell to his side and his eyes turned distant. “I can’t believe he’s been gaslighting me into thinking I do an extra round of skin care when I’m drunk.”

You giggled and pushed the shopping cart forward once the person in front of you was done. Placing the contents one by one on the billing counter for the cashier to scan, you revealed, “Hyuck saw me raiding your pantry when you were at the gym. He used that as leverage against me for weeks before I saw him stealing your sheet masks and was able to finally strike a deal—he turns a blind eye to my robberies and I turn a blind eye to his.”

“Why’d you team up with him?” Jeno pouted. “I thought we were best friends.”

You laughed incredulously. “Seriously? That’s what you’re focusing on? Not the part where Hyuck and I used your stuff without asking?”

“Well, yeah, I’m pissed you used my shit. But I guess I’m just a little more bothered that you guys teamed up,” Jeno said and shrugged, fetching his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans. “Because, you know, it has always been our thing.”

You raised an eyebrow, slightly amused by how he was beating around the bush. “Are you saying you wanna team up with me to get back at Hyuck?”

Jeno grinned. “I’m gonna screw over that motherfucker so bad. You get off the hook, though, because you’re cute and I need your help.”

“You’re impossible.” You huffed and shook your head. Taking the bag of groceries, you said to him, “Text me my share and I’ll Venmo the money to you.”

“You could buy me an ice-cream instead.”

“No,” you denied immediately. “We’re not wasting time on ice-cream. Massage and then straight home so I can pick up my study material and we can leave for the library.”

Thankfully, Jeno didn’t protest. He drove you to your apartment complex and waited for you while you packed your bag. Then, the two of you were off to the massage place.

An hour later, you were done and forced to admit that the massage had indeed helped you. It felt like all the stress had left your body. Thinking about the final didn’t make you want to cry anymore and things were actually looking up now that you were rested.

You were able to retain the knowledge better and it was easier to understand the concepts. Jeno quizzed you and provided you with an endless supply of coffee throughout the night.

Right before lunch the next day, however, the panic resurfaced as you were revising your syllabus for the last time before your final at 3. You couldn’t seem to remember anything you had studied the previous night.

You could feel another breakdown coming, but before you could hyperventilate, Jeno had scooped you up in his arms.

You hadn’t even realised when he’d come back from picking up your food. One minute, you were trying to control your breath and the next, your face was buried in his hard chest.

You held onto his shirt as his hands rubbed soothing circles on your back and he rocked you from side to side.

“Shh, don’t cry,” he mumbled and kissed the top of your head. “You’re gonna ace the final like you always do. You were able to answer all the quiz questions so remember that you are prepared. The pre-exam anxiety is just clouding your thoughts. Everything’s gonna come back to you when you sit down to write, alright?”

Nodding, you clenched your eyes shut and bit down on your lip to keep a sob from escaping. Jeno’s presence kept acting like a tether for you. It always had.

Maybe he was right about the final. Maybe he wasn’t. But at that moment, engulfed in his warm, safe embrace, it felt like everything was going to be okay.

#nct imagines #jeno imagines #nct scenarios #jeno scenarios #nct fanfiction #jeno fanfiction #nct fluff #jeno fluff #nct x reader #jeno x reader #nct oneshots #jeno oneshots #nct #nct dream #jeno #nct drabbles #jeno drabbles #nct soft hours #jeno soft hours #nct reactions #nct headcanons #nct dream oneshots #nct dream fluff #nct dream scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct dream x reader #nct dream drabbles #jeno timestamps #nct timestamps #jeno blurbs

[werewolfnightwalker]

De-aged Keigo

Part two!

.

The whole League stared as Dabi stepped through the villa's front door, his arms protectively wrapped around his cargo.

"What have you got there, Dabi?" Compress asked.

"The hell does it look like?" Dabi snapped back, tightening his arm around the bedraggled, winged boy in his arms as he stomped the snow off his boots, "It's Hawks."

"Uh… Hawks is a grown man, bro!" Twice pointed out.

"Thanks, Sherlock, I didn't realize." Dabi stopped just inside the living room, keeping his distance from the others, "He got hit by a de-aging Quirk while we were out. It's not going to last forever, but for the moment our little birdie is three years old." He looked down at the boy in his arms, his heart twinging.

Hawks was clinging to him like he was terrified of being put down, his face buried in Dabi's collar and clawed hands fisted in the back of his jacket. Even now that they were inside, the pitiful thing was shivering violently. Although his eyes were closed, his whole body was tense, alert; he was pretending to sleep, and Dabi assumed it was to avoid having to meet the others.

He couldn't say he blamed him; it had been difficult to get him to trust him when the Quirk first hit him, an hour or so ago. Hawks had panicked and ran away from him, only to faint once he got outside, from- as far as Dabi could figure out- a mix of hunger and the cold. Dabi had picked him up from there, and spent the whole walk back reassuring him that he was a friend. When he mentioned getting Hawks some food, the kid had finally seemed to give up struggling.

Good to know his younger self was as much of a glutton as his adult self, Dabi had mused. Now, he strode past everyone and made for the kitchen, shouldering the door open.

"Wait, where are you going? I wanna see him!" Toga cried, and Dabi felt Hawks flinch.

"Keep your voice down and your hands to yourself." He snapped over his shoulder, "I'm getting him some food. If you want to be useful, go get me some warm clothes he can wear."

He ignored Toga's grumbling as he slipped into the kitchen, kicking the door shut behind him. "Hey, little bird." He spoke softly as he looked down at his armload, "We're alone now, you can stop faking. I'm going to put you down, okay?" That said, he stepped up to the counter and gently lowered Hawks onto it, until his rump hit the granite countertop. He tried to move away, but Hawks held fast, letting out a shaky whimper.

"Cold-" He gasped, gilded eyes flying open in panic.

For some reason, Dabi couldn't stop himself from immediately pulling him back into his arms. "Alright, alright." He sighed as Hawks melted against him again. He… supposed he could make something to eat like this. He adjusted Hawks onto his hip and went to the pantry to see what they had. "How does ramen sound?" He asked.

Hawks didn't answer, but Dabi pulled two of the instant cups out and put them on the counter. He had to tear the top off with his teeth, but it was easy to turn the sink on and stick the cup under it to fill it. He stuck the cup in the microwave and stepped back, leaning on the counter to wait.

"You okay, birdie?" He asked, glancing down into the fluffy head of hair on his shoulder.

Hawks made a sad warbling sound, his wings fluffing and settling. "I'm okay." He mumbled, just as his stomach growled loudly.

"Uh-huh. Just hang on, food's cooking." Dabi promised, glancing up as he heard the door open. Twice, Spinner, and Toga were peering at them through a crack in the door. Dabi bared his teeth at them, but the numbskulls didn't seem to get the clear "fuck off" message.

"Hiii, Hawksie!" Toga cooed. Hawks turned his head to peer at her, his hand fisting on Dabi's shoulder. He didn't answer her, but Dabi didn't step in, waiting to see what he'd do.

"Oh… he's precious! I wanna eat him!" Twice gasped.

Hawks whimpered at that, his wings bushing and curling around him. "No one is eating you, birdie." Dabi assured him, just as the microwave went off. He stood up and pulled the cup out before grabbing a fork and stirring it. He tore the flavor packet open, once again with his teeth, and added it before giving it another stir. "Okay, here, bug. Eat." He pushed the cup into his hand before adjusting his grip on him.

"How come you get to hold him?" Twice complained.

"Because I'm not creeping on him while he's trying to eat." Dabi huffed.

"Dabi's warm." Hawks mumbled into his noodles, surprising Dabi and the others.

"Exactly." Dabi said smugly, "You lot scram, let the kid eat in peace." He walked over to the door and forced it shut with his boot, ignoring their complaints as he looked down at Hawks. "Enjoying your noodles, birdie?"

"Mhm." Hawks gulped up a mouthful, before twirling another portion onto his fork and holding it up, offering it to Dabi.

Dabi dutifully leaned in and took the bite, slurping the noodles into his mouth loudly.

To Dabi's amazement, Hawks giggled, before seeming startled by his own action. He fluffed his wings and looked away, like he was embarrassed, but Dabi watched him as he took another bite of noodles and 𝘴𝘭𝘶𝘶𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘦𝘥 them up, too.

After a few more bites, he glanced at Dabi again. "Who are they?" He asked.

"Who?"

"The girl, and the man in the mask, and the turtle?"

"He's a lizard." Dabi corrected.

"Are they your friends?"

"Uh… in a sense." He wasn't about to tell a kid they were a bunch of villains, now was he? "What about you? You got any friends?"

Hawks didn't answer right away, raising the cup and gulping down the broth. Dabi just waited, moving to open and prep the other instant cup. He had filled it with water and jammed it in the microwave by the time Hawks finished.

"I have one." He said at last.

His doll, Dabi guessed; he'd seen the ragged, old thing one of the times they'd spent the night at his apartment. He'd made his distaste for the thing a little too obvious, so Hawks had shoved into his closet and apologized, explaining that it was just sentimental.

"Yeah? What's their name?" He asked, anyways.

Hawks cooed, before the noise morphed into a yawn. His wings arched and quivered as his mouth stretched wide. He slumped back onto Dabi's shoulder, scrubbing at suddenly sleepy eyes. Dabi was taking the empty cup away when he spoke. "His name is Touya. He's warm, like you." He mumbled.

Dabi froze, the cup incinerating in his hand in seconds as the fork fell to the floor with a ringing clatter. "Touya, huh?" He repeated weakly, before he swallowed. He didn't think that Hawks- that Keigo- had remembered him at all. "Is he a good friend?"

"Mhm." Keigo hummed as the microwave went off, "I think I love him."

Touya thought he forgot how to breathe, his mind flashing through unwanted memories, both ancient and recent. "Well… I'm sure he loves you, too."

End.

A/N: Thank you for reading! I love childhood friends AUs. ^w^ There's a part 2 to this that I'll upload tomorrow, but until then, consider leaving me a tip so I can get my name changed!

#dabihawks #toukei #childhood friends au #dabihawks fluff #conans writing #long post #hawks #keigo takami #touya todoroki #mha dabi #bnha dabi #bnha hawks #mha hawks

[magdelanesingerin]

Milk Duds Are Terrible Candy

Geralt comes into the kitchen to find Jaskier leaned over the counter, rifling through an enormous, open bag of Halloween candy with a focused expression. Beside him on the counter is a pile of little yellow boxes. 

He’s momentarily distracted by his boyfriend’s costume–the sparkly silver mini skirt that shows off his long legs hugged by white stockings, the matching bra, the platform shoes. The straps of his garter belt disappear under the fabric in a way that is extremely distracting indeed. It’s barely 5pm, though; there are many hours to go before Geralt can peel that costume off him, so he tears his eyes away and tries to focus. 

“What are you doing?”

“Picking out all the Milk Duds,” he says without looking up, tongue sticking out in concentration between darkly painted lips. Geralt is almost afraid to ask, but he can’t resist.

“…Why?”

“Because I hate them, Geralt,” he says as though it’s obvious, and continues to jiggle the bag around, peering into the brightly-colored depths to pluck out any hiding boxes. “It’s right there in the name: these little bastards are DUDS. Gross tacky caramel, too sweet, they stick in your teeth…ugh. And this is our bag of Backup Candy, and if we don’t wind up needing to dig into this bag, I don’t want to risk getting stuck with a whole heap of little boxes of disappointment that will sit around in the pantry for six months before I throw them out. Soooooo, I’m pulling out all the shit candy and adding it to the bowl.”

Geralt blinks. “Why not just buy a bag without Milk Duds then?”

Jaskier huffs and rolls his eyes like Geralt is the one being unreasonable, tossing the poofy white wig out of his face. Geralt can’t help the fond smile that breaks over his face watching his ridiculous boyfriend. “Becaaaause, this is the bag that has the Reeses Pieces and Whoppers! But those great candies come at a price, and that price is Milk Duds. Thus, my very smart plan is to ditch them in the bowl for the trick or treaters.” 

“Sure. For the kids.”

“Kids are stupid, Geralt, and have notoriously bad taste in candy.” Jaskier dumps a double handful of Milk Duds over the top of the pile of candy in their biggest mixing bowl, then stands back with his hands on his hips and regards it skeptically before leaning back in to stir up the contents a bit and disguise his candy crimes among miniature Snickers and little packages of M&Ms. “As long as it’s sugar, they’re happy. They eat Smarties, for fuck's sake. And candy corn. Hell, I used to eat those black and orange taffy things with the chalky peanut butter in the middle when I was a kid, and those are only barely candy.”

Geralt shakes his head at the rambling, smiling helplessly, and picks up the big bowl of candy to take to the porch. Jaskier snags a Twix out of the bowl as he takes it away. This is their first year living together, and somehow, despite knowing each other for a decade and dating for two years before moving in together, it’s still been a journey of discovery sharing these little moments with Jaskier. He loves it.

“Stop eating candy, Jaskier. You’ll make yourself sick. Eat some real food.”

Jaskier squawks indignantly. It's one of Geralt's favorite sounds. “I’ve only had, like…three pieces!”

“I can see the pile of wrappers in the trash. Unless Roach has been eating chocolate? Do we need to go to the vet instead of handing out candy?” he asks dryly as he leaves the room.

“No. FINE, I’ll eat some cheese or something.” He can hear the pout in his boyfriend’s voice. It’s adorable.

“Put on the ears, Geralt!” Jaskier calls after him. “And the tail! Without them you’re just wearing all black, and that is not a costume.” Geralt rolls his eyes and groans, but snags the cat-hear headband and the long tail off the entryway table on his way outside anyway. Despite his grumbling, he loves giving out candy to the kids in his neighborhood, though he’s never dressed up before. He plops into one of the chairs on their broad front porch and settles the cat ears onto his head with a soft smile, ready for trick or treaters.

on ao3 here

#a bit of fluff for Halloween #Geraskier #the witcher #geralt #jaskier #Do you recognize Jaskier's costume?

[i-may-be-paranoid]

had a breakdown over putting on clean bedsheets which turned into a breakdown about being invisibly disabled which turned into a breakdown about the various small seemingly-normal-at-the-time ways my mother fucked me up and inadvertently taught me that 1) I was responsible for her emotional reactions to me even as a kid so it was on me to keep her from yelling at me and 2) the only way to avoid pain/conflict was to never be vulnerable or talk about things that actually mattered to me

some examples:

when she noticed I particularly liked a food she would remove it from the pantry and lock it in her closet so she could dole it out as a reward for doing what she wanted. I caught on to this and stopped talking about my favorite snacks or eating too many of them in front of my parents. this worked too well and they stopped buying more because they thought I didn't like them anymore. I should mention this is about several different foods over a long period of time

any time I asked for something I wanted, she said "yes - if you're good." this would, of course, be her answer forever no matter how "good" I was, until I finally realized that it was just a carrot on a stick and "yes, if you're good" just meant "no" and resolved to get what I wanted on my own (or as my parents liked to put it, "behind our backs"). I had minor success in getting her to quantify "being good" into a concrete set of requirements, but even still, I once asked her point-blank if "if you're good" just meant "when I feel like it," and she said yes. she has some pretty mask-off moments when she's angry. I still hate the word "incentive"

this one's pretty much just a Thing Parents Do, but it's worth mentioning - whenever we fought, she always went straight to taking away my phone (or at least remotely disabling my internet connection and all the apps except for the factory defaults on it). y'know, my sole connection to my friends and the world outside my house. as a young trans guy living with transphobic parents, this was particularly distressing

speaking of my phone, the same parental controls vpn they'd installed on it to do the above also allowed them to see every search term, every website I visited, in real time. and, of course, they could block websites (or, if I had broken their trust recently, block everything that wasn't explicitly whitelisted). goodbye, trevorspace. goodbye, google plus. they could see my texts, too. sometimes my mom would randomly take my phone and when I got it back a couple of contacts would be mysteriously missing (two that spring to mind are my sole irl trans friend at the time, who my parents thought had somehow retroactively transed my gender even though we really only became closer friends when we came out to each other, and the trans lifeline. yeah the suicide hotline). actually, that's how my parents found out I was trans! they caught me taking selfies, something I never did (therefore making it suspicious behavior), and went through my photos and found a ton of trans pride graphics. I had felt confident for once because I was binding with two boho bandeaus, packing with a sock, and hiding most of my hair in a beanie. I was going to come out to them the next week, on my thirteenth birthday. probably would've just ruined my birthday in hindsight

I could rant about my parents' transphobia for days, but I'd rather not. I've done that before and I'm too tired to do it again. this post is mainly just a way of documenting abusive behaviors for next time I tell myself it "wasn't that bad". anyway my mom would regularly rifle through my physical belongings too. I learned not to hide important things in my room

and speaking of my room she would sometimes remove my bedroom and/or bathroom doors for taking too long in the shower and stuff like that. and I had to earn it back by - you guessed it - Being Good™

oh also I should probably mention those times she screamed "you have no privacy" or (at a slightly later date) "we own you" in my face over and over again even when I started crying and begging her to stop. for the crime of complaining that I felt like my privacy was being violated. after a week or so, I felt like I'd cooled down enough to tell her that when she'd yelled "you have no privacy" at me, I felt really hurt. because that's what I was supposed to do, right? that's the diplomatical format they'd told me to voice my complaints in. this led to a second "you have no privacy" incident, same as the first. after one of these incidents, dad was there to mediate, which meant that instead of another screaming match there was a pointless semantic argument over whether she was really yelling "in my face" and exactly what the distance between her and the edge of my bed had been. at least there were no tape measures involved though lol

this brings me to the whole blaming-fights-on-me thing. most fights sprung from either a disagreement between my mother and I about something important (such as my own identity or what I thought was fair) or my struggles to do things my peers could do just fine due to my adhd. I was so bad at getting ready for things on time. even now, on medication, I struggle with daily hygiene. this was very frustrating for my mother, and she often ended up yelling at me. she could say some very unkind things "in the heat of the moment", as she would say. if I yelled back, I was punished. when I tried to express how deeply her words hurt me in an attempt to repair our relationship and get closure and reassurance… she took it personally and the fight started all over again. and I was punished again. this would sometimes result in a chain of related fights over a period of weeks. eventually, my parents told me that if I didn't want to start a fight, I should structure my complaints like so: "when you did x, I felt y." such language would avoid making anyone feel accused or defensive, they said. it made no difference. I used the correct format, shit went down anyway, I was told I should've used the correct format if I didn't want to start a fight, and so on

my therapist at the time (girl I miss u also sorry my mom fired you for trying to convince her to accept my transness) suggested that, when my mother raised her voice at me, I should remain outwardly emotionless and resist the urge to talk back to her or raise my own voice, and see what happens. I tried it once and she called me "a psychopath and a sociopath" for not yelling back. can't win

things really only calmed down because I concluded that asserting myself wasn't worth it. it was safer to go back into the closet and keep my head down for four more years until I was legally my very own person. my mom once said she knew me better than I knew myself. I could only laugh. it's not that I gave up completely, though - I just stopped openly rebelling. I figured out (limited, but lifesaving) ways around the parental controls. I visited trevorspace on my laggy old ipod that wouldn't stay logged in to let my friends there know that I was alive, but wouldn't be able to talk to them anymore. I stole it back a couple times when my mom found and confiscated it. there eventually came a point where her reaction to its suddenly disappearing from her drawer outweighed having it back, but by then the parental controls had become so buggy that I could almost have a normal internet experience. after I turned 18, I finally convinced my parents to allow me to remove it for good (I'd long since figured out that it had a digital tamper alarm). I'm still dependent on them, but I don't have to be secretive anymore, which feels weird. sometimes I boast to them about the extent of the freedom I'd carved out "behind their backs" just for some spiteful pleasure. I think they already knew about most of my exploits with the vpn, they just couldn't do much about it. but I don't tell them everything - I don't want them spying on my online accounts again, and I want to still have a few tricks up my sleeve if things somehow get bad again. they still make me apologize, but it's not like the aftermath of a fight. wow I'm getting off topic

alright so there's also how my mom dealt with my self-harm addiction: not well. she made me promise to stop, and when she discovered that I didn't, she got pissed. she kept telling me how I'd promised her, how betrayed she felt, how could I do this to her… and I was the one who was bleeding. I just felt worse so I (this is becoming repetitive) got better at hiding. funny thing is, almost every time I cut was to calm down after she yelled at me!

another victim-blaming anecdote - one time in 2018-19, I was drying off after a long shower. this consisted of wrapping myself in a towel and sitting on the toilet lid to zone out for half an hour. I had nothing to do that night except climb into bed. what I did not know was that mom was waiting impatiently for me to come out so she could give me my nightly meds. she became more and more frustrated, and ended up berating me through the door. the quote that stuck with me was "even a 2-year-old could get this done faster," which, when I type it out, actually doesn't sound all that scathing. dad came in soon after that. I tried to make them aware of how hurt she had made me feel, I even used the special Fight-Preventing Format, but I was completely ignored in favor of calls to come out of the bathroom and the occasional phone-confiscation threat. I repeated myself a few times, and eventually, she told me that if I didn't want to be insulted, I should've finished drying off sooner. dad was here for all of this and agreed with her. this helped me to realize how complicit the "mediator" was in all this shit. at some point I started crying, and I'd made it clear that I wasn't going to come out while they were out there - which prompted my mother to stage whisper to my father (so loudly I could hear it through the door) her catchphrase at the time: "she's just being manipulative." this did not make me feel any more cooperative

I can't believe I forgot to mention the gaslighting! every time I tried to bring up a time she'd said something that hurt me - even a day later! - she'd act all shocked and say she couldn't imagine ever saying something like that and act like just because she didn't remember it must not have been real. this eventually led me to believe that I was subconsciously making up reasons to hate her, because there were no real reasons to hate her, and I wanted to hate her in the first place because I was actually evil and she was perfect and good. needless to say, this bred a lot of self-loathing. and then an Incident would happen and I would be lucid for like a day and then slip right back into the cognitive dissonance. this happened for about a year when I was 14. I only found out the truth because I found a transcript of one of those fights from directly after it had happened in a google hangouts conversation (with the aforementioned trans friend) that my mom thought I'd deleted but I'd really just archived it. I had also tried to record our fights in the past, but the vpn that took away apps and internet also took the camera function with it. it was practically an abuser's toolkit. anyway this made me feel worse because if she could convince me that I was lying, she could convince anyone, so no one would ever believe me if I told them. instead of having a healthy, balanced worldview about it or something, I just flipped the old one on its head - she was the manipulator trying to control my life and mold me into the child she wanted, and I was the victim struggling to fight back. I'm glad I grew out of that. being so openly full of ire for her just made me look like a brat, and it was no way to live anyhow. I understand now that she genuinely loves me - and that it's exactly that love and worry for me that drove her to do things that hurt me. she thought she was doing what was best for me. unfortunately she didn't think to listen to my opinion or like see me as a full individual separate from herself

ftr her memory is genuinely kinda shitty because of her own adhd but it was awfully consistent in forgetting all the times she's emotionally scarred me. man this post was gonna be a lot shorter but then I started Remembering more Things. there's still more I've thought of but then forgotten while writing something else tho

hold on now I remember. last year she straight-up told me that all this time when I had said I didn't understand something that was "so simple, everyone understands it" she thought I was lying for the express purpose of pissing her off. this… explains a lot

overall I feel like she had an idea of what I should be like and she feels personally slighted whenever I remind her that I'm not the child she wanted

there's more but it's almost 3am and I am so tired I am barely able to type. do you love the color of the vent post

#man. this one's pretty heavy #originals #avpd #cptsd #long post #tw sanist slurs #tw sanism #tw ableism #abusive parents #psychological abuse #emotional abuse #parental trauma

[mx-mongoose]

ROTTMNT characters if they were in 2012

Casey Junior 💀🏒

- So its the future timeline. Casey and April are still alive, Donnie hasn’t turned himself into a robot yet. All of them in their early 20s. Raph still has amnesia though.

- Its hard to say it Casey senior is thriving or not. Like he’s definitely vibing with Mad Max thing going on, but he does mask (no pun intended) a lot of his emotions behind his arrogant persona. He really misses his little sister. He misses playing Hockey too but with how dry it is its virtually impossible.

- He found Junior in a dumpster while scavenging for food. The baby was injured and malnourished like its been sitting there for a while. Casey took the baby back to the ShellRaiser.

—

“Casey, what is that?” Raphael pointed at Casey’s cape, which was wrapped up like a swaddle and was crying.

“Guys I can explain-“ He croaked but was immediately cut off.

“CASEY, IS THAT A BABY?!” April shrieked, rushing over and peering over Casey’s arms.

The baby had scraggly black hair prickling from his head and had minor injuries all over him. His face was boney though when it was supposed to be brimming with plump and fat. He was wailing like mad and grabbing at nothing.

“No, it's a dog I found,” Casey quipped mirthlessly

“I’ll go find if there’s anything they can eat!” April was on it as she rushed to the small pantry they had.

“Oh my god, out of the most boneheaded decisions you’ve ever made this takes the cake, Jones,” Donnie exclaimed, gesturing towards the baby.

“Can babies have regular milk, Red?” Casey ignored Donnie’s insult and hovered over April who was pushing way canned rations.

“No, but the milk grew some mold anyway,” April shook her head, not breaking focus.

“Do gas stations have formula?” Casey asked, quick and stern. Moreso than he's ever been in a while

“Dude, the baby is gonna die anyways! Its a liability,” Donnie stated, pinching the bridge of his beak. “We barely have enough food for our-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE, DON,” Casey screamed at purple masked turtle, his voice making the baby sob louder if that was even possible. Venom spit from his voice and hugged the baby to his chest.

“What do you want me to?! Throw it out the window!” He continued to retort.

“Maybe if it means we won’t starve to death!”

“The dude won’t even eat the same food as us, he just needs milk!”

“And when it needs to eat the same food as us?!”

“Its gonna eat smaller portions as us anyways!”

“Raph, say something!” Donnie demands, quickly averted his gaze towards his big brother. He was sitting in the drivers seat in deep thought, gripping the steering wheel and staring at nothing.

Casey pushed away Donnie and towards his best friend. “Raph, please. I can’t let the little guy die. If there’s even just the smallest chance I can save him,” He pleaded. Casey Jones never pleaded or begged, he got what he wanted and would never take no for an answer. But this time he was desperate.

“Please, dude,” It came out as a raspy whisper, holding out even the tiniest bit of hope.

Raphael groaned before looking back towards the baby and then Casey, “You’re really serious about this kid huh, Jones?”

“You’d know if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here,”

Raphael stared at Casey for a long time. He couldn’t tell if the Terrapin was looking for something, tired or both but eventually it ended with a dry-

“There should be some abandoned daycares nearby, if we book it then we’ll get to one of them in five,”

A thankful smile grew on Casey’s face and sighed in relief. The exasperated squawks of Donatello going in one ear and out the other.

—

- The ragtag group tried their best with Junior. Donnie installed a crib connected to the wall, they usually gave the soup and soft foods to Junior, took turns staying up with him, you’d be surprised how much stuff you can substitute for baby diapers.

- They came up with Casey Junior because Casey decided on it and wouldn't budge. Claiming "He's named after the strongest and badass warrior I know,

Junior actually gave all of them their titles once he learned how to speak.

Casey is dad

Raphael is Raphie

Donnie is Don-Don

April is just April and she was so salty about it.

Despite being raised by literal warriors and vigilantes, in nature he was a pretty gentle and docile kid. Sure he knew when to defend himself the time called for it, but overall a good kid to say the least. (Also still a total fanboy, constantly wanting to hear stories from before and his family's adventures when they were young)

He still has his Hockey Stick chainsaw but it was originally Casey's before he passed. Its less advanced and quality as Rise's but it still gets the job done. Casey's mask was passed down as well

I'd say the main difference between him and Rise is that he's a lot less formal and regulated. Instead of growing up in the resistance, he was just adopted by a ragtag team of nomads. He's less like a soldier and more of a kid just trying to figure himself out while growing up in a post-war earth. He knows how to survive and knows battle techniques but not to the capacity as Rise. He's a lot looser with his stratagies if that makes sense.

Once they found Mikey and Leo, GOD was Junior just gawking and fanboying all over the place. Leo and Mikey were just stunned Casey had a kid and he's still alive. Though they were hurt to hear about his and April's passing

Debating if I should a part 2 about if he was sent back in time too

#Casey Junior #Casey Jones Jr #Casey Jones #Rottmnt #Rottmnt movie #Tmnt 2012 #Casey Jones 2012 #Raphael Hamato #Donatello Hamato #April O'neil #headcanons #tmnt headcanons

[like-likes]

This is Dad's Farm. I'm inheriting it.

It is still going to cost us $200k, sort of. We are buying it from my two brothers. If we had sold it like we all originally considered, we would have split the profit three ways. Yet, after all the fees involved in selling (do i really have to list them? There is a lot.), getting $100k each after all that would be wonderfully and incredibly ideal, so hub's and I factored that into this investment and we're happy to give them them each their most ideal fair share.

Fortunately, we have a home to sell (a small one floor ranch in a city suburb) and now is still a really great time to sell so it's definitely time. Our goal is to get our city home on the market before memorial day. In the meantime, we are free to move our stuff in while we clean it up.

There is a very large stone pit which was once part of a barn's foundation long ago. Ever since I first lived here back in 2002 we've always used this space as a bonfire pit for peace and parties.

Before pictures are good to have. You didn't want to see the before/before we cleaned out the clutter, did you? That was last year. I have all these awful colors and unfinished projects and the overall conditions of the house burned into my memory... Dad never did much updating. Funniest part about that detail is that he worked professionally as a finished carpenter in the Boston union.

Here's some junk on the second floor:

oh, and back to the kitchen. I decided to take off the cabinet doors on the top. They are ugly, don't open well or don't close well depending on the season so fuck these cabinet doors!

Ugh blurry video screen shots. Trust me, it looks better. We have a large pantry elsewhere for food in ugly packages. Only plates, cups, etc... clear bins of foods (like rice or pasta) in this kitchen on these shelves. The new colors I'm working around kinda go like this:

We are all so excited! Our kids (adult kids, 20 & 25), are both super excited, even after seeing all the work involved. One of them wants a dog, the other wants a cat... and as long as they can pay for their needs, as soon as we are settled in - I don't mind. We need a cat anyway for mice. We already have a dog, but my baby is getting up in the years so she's gonna have to keep to the first floor. But oh, ok wait - now we're also talking about goats to help with our landscaping and chickens because why not? Yeah maybe probably... one animal at a time! ok?

Wanna see some of the leftover junk and repairs involved? Here's some. I don't think I mentioned from the first picture we're working on getting a quote from a company that literally jacks up a side of your house to repair a corner post (currently incased in a green tarp, thanks, dad).

Thanks for checking out our happy little project. ;)

I hope no one minds if I tag it stardew valley since it certainly feels like the real life beginnings of one and I wanna keep that vibe going as we all settle in here. :) My daughter was asking about growing vegetables! This girl's personality is comparable to a Hailey. My son is more of a Sebastian. My Hubs? He's a Gus. What am I? A mix of Leah and Robin, I think. :)

#story time #sdv #stardewvalley #this old house

[thedarkcoven]

Yaaaaaaaaay struggling time for about 5 days for my family to try to figure out how to get some food until the third... Already checked food pantries around. They're closed and they will give food to us we can't cook cause we went through them before (We live in a hotel and have been for a year + now) and we only have a small ass mini fridge so the food would go to waste before we can even think of touching it. I am 20+ weeks pregnant and has a 3 year old and my husband is type one diabetic. We have some sides (the like pasta and rice packets) but that's not gonna last us. Could someone PLEASE donate something to us or at least share? We were supposed to be getting paid more but the person who did our paperwork fucked it all up and we aren't getting it until the third. So please could someone help or at least share? :/ Donate to our PayPal ( toxikinsanity89 ) so we can get some food? Id be very grateful! <3 Also if anyone gives me negative comments of any kind you will be blocked. If you do not know my story what I'm going through atm then please keep your judgements to yourself. -The reason we are homeless is because our apartment was falling apart and was infested. We kept telling the new "landlords/slumlords" (turns out they didn't have their licenses) and he kept refusing to fix anything or to sign the papers that the Department of Social Services was providing to have them sign so they could get payed but kept denying yet wanted to keep bugging us for money (legally we had the right to not pay them because when he took over as the new "landlord" he kept refusing to sign legal papers). Well someone had called CPS on us (We believe it was the woman who was helping me with motherhood stuff cause NY state has that type of program for new mothers/expecting mothers and families BECAUSE it was fishy she asked "Well why not CPS They have a preventative case and they'll help ya with things you need and if you're homeless you'll be in a home in no time!" and then as soon as we got moved out she stopped being my worker....) so they came in we told them what was happening and they even got proof for us to back us up from the "landlords" and the government (Department of Social Services) moved us into a hotel then moved us into a shelter and now we are back in the hotel we were before and have been homeless for a bit over a year now... So that is why i say if you don't know my story of why we are homeless with kids please keep the negative comments to yourself because DSS is only giving us a homing budget of $650-700 for rent.... for a family of 4 (about to be 5) people... yet they think that will still help us with the situation we are in (Apartments here in NY are for like 800+; and the ones in our budget is studio and asking for only one person to move in) . Sorry if none of this makes sense/sounds scrambled. We are kind of in panic mode and stressed plus I have adhd brain and trying to explain everything I can all at once for you guys to better understand

#homeless family #thedarkcoven #struggling family #we arent getting paid until the third #gonna be struggling for about 5 days #if you cant help please reblog/share #no we dont have cashapp

[gutterprophet]

fibbonacci numbers and your favorite multiple/s of three for spotify wrapped!!

FIBONACCI NUMBERS!!!!

1: Wild Blue Yonder by The Amazing Devil

sawyer @tempestuous-cosplay introduced me to this song!!! and to The Amazing Devil in general. i'm obsessed with the whole album but this song particularly does things with harmonizing the two singers, not just with their voices but with the content of the lyrics too, that makes me go bonkers fucking yonkers

(1)

2: No Bad Days by Bastille

this was also a recommendation from a friend, novy @coldwind-shiningstars! been listening to it a lot this year while dealing with dying of degenerative disability problems

when you got the call that no one wants to have / sick of hospitals, to paper over cracks / you weren't scared at all, but never turned away / fuck em, fuck em, fuck em, fuck em all / you'll have no bad days / you'll have no bad days / when you're gone, gone / you'll have no more bad days

3: The Legend Of Chavo Guerrero by The Mountain Goats

he was my hero back when i was a kid / you let me down but chavo never once did / you called him names to try and get beneath my skin / now your ashes are scattered on the wind / i heard his son got famous, heard they went nationwide / coast to coast with his dad by his side / i don't know if that's true, but i've been told: / it's real sweet to grow old

a good song for staying loyal to the things that brought you strength as an abused child even if they're kind of lame, and for the day you realize you are not an abused child anymore, and for looking forward to the day you find out if it's true that it's real sweet to grow old

5: Chant from Hadestown

spent this year as a homeless runaway afraid for my life, ghosting from food pantry to welfare office to parking garage, trying to stay fed and warm and unfindable and alive, humming low, keep your head keep your head low, if you want to keep your head, oh you gotta keep your head low, looking low and looking high, there is no food left to find...

8: Fine by Lemon Demon

the convenient truth is / light is on the way, we'll be having a fun time! / it's such a lovely day, we should pocket the sunshine! / i know that every bomb has a silver lining!

it just makes me happy :)

13: Our Lady Of The Underground from Hadestown

another homeless runaway song. soundtrack for getting very good at doing crimez for food and shelter and medical care. our lady of the underground, our lady of ways, our lady of means

21: The Only House That's Not On Fire Yet by Lemon Demon

soundtrack for having conflicted feelings about what i left behind when i ran, and the truth and falseness in the quote "when you're raised in a burning house you think the whole world is on fire. but it's not."

a picture of you / killing me with deja vu / don't know what i'll do when i escape at last / when the end of time has passed / but something keeps me as a pet / the only house that's not on fire yet

(the punchline is there is no punchline the punchline is there is no punchline the punchline is there is no punchline the punchline is--)

34: God's Gonna Cut You Down by Johnny Cash

soundtrack for not being able to believe i was allowed to get away, and waiting with growing dread for the day i am caught and brought back

you can run on for a long time / run on for a long time / run on for a long time / but sooner or later god will cut you down

55: Fuck Was I by Jenny Owen Youngs

soundtrack for trauma bonds

i'm developing my sense of humor / til i can laugh at my heart between your teeth / til i can laugh at my face beneath your feet / love plows through me like a dozer / i've got more give than a bale of hay / and there's always a big mess left over / with the "what did you do?" and the "what did i say?" / skillet on the stove, it's such a temptation / maybe i'll be the special one that doesn't get burned... / what the FUCK was i thinking?

89: The Black Death from Something Rotten

what's that coming up the silk road out of china? / the black death! black death! / what's that creeping round your pee-pee and your vagina? / the black death! black death! (woo!) / the black death, it's gonna get ya! / the black death, it's gonna hit ya! / with those blisters oozing like syrup / that pesky little pestilence is killing half of europe!!!

it's a jaunty showtune about the bubonic plague, need i say more?

my favorite multiple of 3 is 21 but that's a fibbonacci number so i'll do 27, because it contains my all-time favorite number (7)

27: Curses by The Crane Wives

soundtrack for dying of mysterious health problems in a haunted house while my two roommates, my dog, and i were all being driven slowly insane by invisible forces lurking in the walls (it turns out when offered a surprisingly affordable but visibly rotting house you should probably have it tested for toxic mold and lead in the pipes before moving in)

there's a fire in my brain and i'm burning up / oh my, oh my / keep running for the sink but the well is dry / oh my, oh my // this house says my name like an elegy / oh my, oh my / echoing where my ghosts all used to be / oh my, oh my / there's still cobwebs in the corner / and the backyard's full of bones / won't you stay with me, my darling / when this house don't feel like home? / when this house don't feel like home?

#spotify wrapped #my posts

[blair-harvest]

something about the air in october leaves my heart craving for something i’ve wanted longer than i can remember.

it’s not my aunt or my beloved missing dog. it’s not my uncles, my cousins, my sister or my mom.

it’s something that will forever live only in my heart, my soul and my memories.

the excitement, the fear, the thankfulness and rage. the grief and patience, the calmness and the tension.

this is all something i miss with every passing day.

many of my best childhood memories live in that house.. some of my innocence was left there and chained to the couch.

we all had so much fun upstairs on the middle floor but something terrible and awful was happening just under our noses.

you go to the pantry and turn around and the door that leads to hell masked by a man was a stairway away.

a beautiful woman blinded by something she used to love, and a daughter who craved their love.

three little girls who longed for their mother’s tenderness and love but all of it was given to something that could never be undone.

the betrayal and spite will always live within us underneath the thick wall of “its okay mom, i love you too.”.

two of the same mothers raising the same kids. except all three of the girls were raising each other, the only thing our mothers did was put the roof over our heads and occasionally the food in our stomachs.

the favoritism, the jokes. the forced laughs with a brain full of dope.

“why won’t they ever pick me?” the two girls would ask each other with sad eyes and dripping noses.

“what’s wrong with me?” was a question circulating our brains the moment we woke up and saw our reflections.

we’d beg our mothers for love and affection but instead the loneliness we had grew into an online addiction.

ask my mom to do something with me or be blindly groomed by grown men? the question seemed silly.

the only option was to dress like a grown up at the age of 10 and try to press our boobs together to get the attention of grown men.

i know it sounds terrible but it somehow filled a void.

that was until our parents decided to try care and searched our devices and shamed us for what we’ve done and “how could you do this to US?”.

instead of working through the problems with us they go back down to their dungeon and fill their veins with numbness.

“did you feed the kids?” “no i’m sure they’ve got it.”

so independent at such a young age.

we’ve finally grown up and things aren’t what they seem.

we’ve been sexually assaulted and had dreams of ending everything.

we’ve wrote countless letter saying our goodbyes, we’ve made our pain visible to anyone’s eyes.

there’s blood stains in the shower and the knives and razors are locked up.

we have mental illnesses that turned into loving the drugs.

adhd, anxiety and depression meds only fucked with our heads.

one of us is a mother, two shut out our families and made new ones with our lovers.

through all the fighting, screaming, blood, numbness and drugs and alcohol lives my childhood and the child i can never save.

even though it’s something you never escape, that little house on cedar will forever be my favorite place.

#poem #prompts #narcissistic abuse #alcholism #drug addikt #lonelihood #inner child #emotional abuse #scene kid #poets on tumblr #poems and poetry

[601billionlazer]

I hope my parents never buy us food ever again

Okay, so I live in a pretty populated house, I live with my parents, my older sibling, their partner, my younger brother, and two youngest siblings (I also live with my cat but she is irrelevant to this rant.) So the house is pretty crowded so as you can imagine meals are expensive. Often, my parents will just buy shit in bulk from costco like Cup of Noodle and Kraft Mac & Cheese. And I’m talkin’ that blue box shit, none of that microwave cup bs. So often they’ll make us dinner or ask one of the oldest in the house to make dinner for everyone in their place. If nobody is able to, we often find ourselves getting takeout. Takeouts expensive as fuck for a house of 8 as you could imagine, so that option is usually reserved for if not everyone in the house will be joining us for a meal. If nobody is making dinner, and we aren’t getting takeout, THAT is precisely what the ramen and mac are for.

I know I rambled on for a bit there about pointless shit, but the tl;dr is my parents buy a lot of foods in bulk, typically shit you can just microwave or add hot water or throw in an air fryer and eat hassle free. On nights where we resort to these meals and don’t eat as a family, we refer to as “every man for himself” nights and they happen more often than you might think, especially in the fall when everyones busy with school and work. For some reason I can’t explain, I always make it a personal challenge upon myself to finish these bulk foods as soon as possible—even if the food is ass. So for a week straight I’ll have Cup of Noodles for lunch every day, I’ll make myself two boxes of Mac at a time, I’ll airfry some chicken nuggets and put them all a sandwich with lettuce and mayo, pizza bagels in the blender, I’m fucking gross bro but I HAVE to get through these meals. I want those crates empty. Why do I do this? I don’t really know, I guess it’s just the completionism mindset that makes seeing an empty crate once filled with sodium rich pre-cooked noodles feel so cathartic. I especially feel this way with breakfast cereals. My parents buy us breakfast cereal all the time, but NOBODY eats cereal in this house, especially not the fucking lucky charms and raisin bran and cinnamon toast crunch my folks keep nabbing. So I take it upon myself to have a bowl every morning until the cereal is gone, because I don’t wanna see the cereal they bought go to waste.

Y’all are probably imagining my homer simpson ass as a big lookin amorphous blob of microwave food, and that’s fine, I wouldn’t call myself fat but I’m certainly unhealthy as fuck I probably have a couple months left to live after the way I’ve been eating. The constant exposure to giant crates of empty calories and the allure of eating meals feeling like ticking off boxes on a list may be enabling these habits. But that is NOT the reason my parents need to stop buying food, oh no no no dear reader. The REAL reason my parents must never let a mere crumb of food enter this house ever again is because of the overwhelming crushing feeling of defeat I feel when I’m about to get to the last box of mac and cheese and suddenly the pantry has been restocked. The biggest problem here is some of the foods nobody in the house even fucking likes, like the cereal I mentioned earlier, I am quite literally ONLY eating it to get rid of it. But my parents will see this and thing “Huh, the frosted flakes are nearly empty! Our kids must love frosted flakes!” AND BUY LIKE 4 BOXES IN BULK AT COSTCO. IN MY ATTEMPT TO NOT BE WASTEFUL WITH THE CEREAL, I ONLY WOUND UP POURING GASOLINE ON THE PROBLEM. Honestly, the more I write about this the more I realize it’s just about cereal. Like the same thing happens with the soups and macs, but at least I’m not the only one who eats that shit. With the cereal though, I’m suffering through bowl after bowl of special k. Sometimes at 2 in the morning my sibling will come out of their room for a bowl of cocoa pebbles and we’ll sit and talk while we eat cereal together. It’s fun but they can’t have anything with gluten and it’s not like they know I’ve made this habit for myself. So the moral of the story is make me a salad, I should probably go on a diet.

#food #I love eating things #i do not want to eat things anymore

[jackednephi]

Posting this here instead of my main so hopefully it doesn't get too far out of my blogosphere

My daughter's birth maternal grandmother called fucking cps on us. No idea why. Like her name is legit Karen and she is the epitome of the Karen memes. And I do have my guesses. She thinks we're too "soft" and "accommodating" read: we don't raise our hands to Alex and don't allow anyone else to do that either and it pisses her off we don't parent the way she parents. But also she thinks my mans is mentally ill for being trans and that we're all degenerates because there's a polyamorous throuple raising her grandkid and then homeboy with his two spouses and a boyfriend. Like polyamorous folks exist, Karen. It's not a bad thing she has 6 active parents in her life! It's not a bad thing she has people who love her! It's really fucking not!

And like. We had a vague idea of who would say something about our place being unsanitary for a kid to live in. It wasn't a long list of folks because we have people in our space regularly enough that those people could see our place was fine. But then when the officer told us there were additional allegations, and then what those were like. Only 3 people outside our polycule clusterfuck knew those specific details. Two of them knew that what got reported was out and out false but the third wasn't kept entirely in the loop. And that person was Karen

And like. What the fuck did she think this would even accomplish? Because congrats! Everyone is pissed off at you! This vindictive bitch really was out here trying to remove a toddler from a warm, loving home with a safe family who meet her needs. We love her deeply and would never hurt or neglect her emotionally or otherwise and I just

I'm so angry I'm shaking. How could someone be so evil? Like I get she's angry at homeboy cause he's been implementing boundaries and hardline sticking to them but forreal? What? Did she think Alex would get temporarily removed so she could have my daughter living in her home or some shit? Not happening. Because we do keep our space clean. We have two refrigerators and a deep freezer full of food in addition to our pantry that comes standard with all apartments. Do you have any idea how much food that is? We could miss a week of grocery shopping and live off what we have for a week. That's on purpose in case something happens

I'm just beside myself with anger. It doesn't matter how objectively you know your kids won't get taken, there's still that absolute terror where your heart sinks straight to hell. What if it's not good enough? What if my place IS too messy? Am I never going to see my daughter again?

Just. The spiritual damage done to my soul over this is something I can't articulate. Because it's not just mental anguish. I can't get pregnant. I've tried. Alex is all I have and I love her with my entire being. It felt like my worst nightmare of nightmares was coming true and just

This woman is evil and everything hurts right now. I'm so relieved but so angry. She really was willing to try and tear a family apart because she's mad at her son or she doesn't like the way we parent or whatever. She was willing to irreversibly traumatize a toddler over petty nonsense and just! Aught!

It's so hard to describe my feelings on this. Part of why I'm keeping it here and not my main. I don't need brain dead assholes with Haute Taques(TM) going "well the fact that you don't follow the Montessori method of raising kids means you're evil" or whatever. I don't need to hear why my kid's grandmother is "right actually" or any of that. I'm angry. I'm so angry

#ranty rant #delete later probably #ok to reblog

[frogsandfries]

My sister is lowkey killing me

She saw I had strawberries in my drink and she asked me if I asked to use her strawberries.

._. Are you fucking actually kidding me? If you were staying in my home for going on three weeks, I'd buy you food. You'd be welcome to anything in my pantry unless I told you no. I can communicate "hey, don't drink my cocoa until I can buy more" "don't go in the candy box unless you're going to use caution" "don't drink the alcohol".

What the fuck kind of person accuses someone in their home of stealing food? It's not like I'm couch surfing or invited myself for three weeks.

Her place is a mess. I guess I understand that she's moving, but a) she hasn't done anymore organizing or made any apparent moves toward further packing, and b) the place is only a tiny bit more neat than it was than when I got here..........through my own voluntary actions and her bullying.

I want even ready to move and my place was neat and organized. Even if I'd torn all of my furniture apart, it would've just looked like I was doing a furniture assembly gig. I'm having a hard time contemplating how an absolute mountain of clothes is ready to go. She also doesn't have any boxes or containers. The place just is a mess. And I've seen her rooms in college. While the main living spaces have been neat while living with others, her personal space is always a mess.

The point being, I know this isn't my house. I'm not walking around leaving dirty dishes and food packaging and used tissues wherever I feel like. I'm so stressed, my shoulders are wrapped up somewhere near my ears. I'm on edge. I'm surrounded by four cats who are not mine. I was left on charge of them, plus four guinea pigs, a hedgehog, and a house-training puppy.

None of which I agreed to. Not the four guinea pigs. Not the trying to help house-train a puppy. Not the cats all constantly hissing at each other. It's exhausting. I have a job. I'm earning money. I just paid three leases by myself. I'm not the one buying more fake nails and junk jewelry than I could ever use. I'm not the animal hoarder.

I think it's deflection. If you focus on everything I'm doing less than perfectly, maybe you can deflect from how you're falling short on your frankly unrealistic standards. I don't usually like to hit below the belt like this, but I think this is really demonstrative of why she doesn't seem able to hold onto relationships. I don't necessarily agree that it has anything to do with her fuckability.

I never should've accepted to live with her. I should've told her, well, this is what you get for taking out a mortgage you can't actually afford.

She just came in here and turned off the fucking light and I can't fucking argue with her; I'm at work, on the phones. We're in this dark ass room and I know it looks like I'm just on my fucking computer, but I'm at work.

I've worked a certain way for nearly four years: Absolutely quiet to my own ears, with a sound baffle and as close as I can get to industrial lighting without fluorescent lights.

This environment is incredibly noisy. Even with the windows closed, it sounds like I'm working right outside on the road. There's no sound baffle, so despite my best efforts, I end up yelling. I'm doing my best to get through this short period and go back to virtual isolation where I don't have to be woken by the sudden uptick of traffic at four in the morning, or someone scrambling to get to work at four in the morning. Where I don't have to deal with anyone telling me how to use their space as my workspace.

I'm supposed to be working with her, but it feels like she doesn't have to work with me, she can just tell me how to do and be and I'm just sick of it and I just want to get through these next two weeks and go back to as close to life as normal.

I can't even whine to our middle sister because she'll just stir the fucking pot like she's not nearly thirty herself with two kids.

[finchmotionvideo]

I do genuinely dream of being mega wealthy(think Bezos. I dream big) Cuz I wouldn't do it like all you bleeding heart bitches who would give it away I would buy a mansion in 12 different countries to live in for each month of the year. Every one would have a different theme and amenities and I would have huge glass elevators instead of stairs and in each home I would install a pantry(with junk food for me but also everyones favorites) on each floor so I could always be snacking. and I'd have a cocktail bar with one of those robot mixologists. Can't forget that

And my God I'd have the finest electronic systems money can buy(inferior to passion, but I'm just trying to play Games here, man). Instead of having to emulate games I'd just have one of every system ever made. Would set up a program to auto-buy every game ever sold digitally and create the world's largest game preservation library. id pay volunteers to hunt for lost media(you might think this could be viewed as charitable. Well, Its not for you. It's so the video essay guys have better material.)

A little narc of me but (assuming i didn't have my own body but we were all still a system) I'd get hella fucking plastic surgery man I think that's metal. Hmm... This part displeases me... Yeah I'm not accepting that. remake my body to my specfications bitch(reduction here lift there oh and don't forget the semi-annual Botox for our jaw pain which we can't get consistently so we sometimes get bad pain). Oh God and I'd fix our eyes and I'd pay up the fucking nose to see anyone who will take the back pain seriously. I'd have every medical test run on us just for fun, have our brain and organs and bones imaged so they could be cool decor. One million percent getting our genome sequenced and paying a panel of world class experts as much as they wanted to write a study on our genes going over anything cool or interesting. Beau would pore over the results for fucking weeks.

Id have a pool and treadmill and (purposefully designed to be easily destructible) boxing bag so I can vent my rage better..

Don't get me wrong I would still see people of course but. Like. I'm throwing a house party at my megamansion and if you come you have to obey MY social rules(don't act like a fucking inconsiderate egotist. I bet everything I own that I can be an attentive conversationalist if you haven't pissed me off yet. Can you?). I'd be the soup nazi of my billionaire quualude raves. If I percieve of an Infraction(ableist behavior rude behavior or just if I find your incessant talking without consideration of what others think tiring) I can just actually admonish people for it from a position of power: "stop that or I'm kicking you out". The power to create a very optimal party environment in the palm of my hands... Perfectly curated vibes.

You know my wardrobe would be on point too like rooms upon rooms of tailored outfits or thrifted ones or bespoke pieces I bought off a museum struggling to stay afloat. Haha I'm just kidding I would get them to make exact replicas. Honestly I would go for 90s Nouveau riche Harvard undergrad who was raised on the teat of cutting edge parisian fashion but everyone else would have a much different answer to that question.

Beau could have some workshop with like 5 different morgan yu desks(adjustable height) absolutely unparalleled amounts of counter space and he would arrange all the supplies on ordered shelves for the easiest access so he can paint when he wants without going thru 45mins of setup and getting everything out. Probably he would also hire someone to set up a vault of digital comics so he could keep track of them all. Would give him an electric rotary press so he doesn't hurt his arms and I'd get him things he's always wanted for his birthday like [wouldn't you like to know].

Riley could have any instrument or cooking tool or ingredient he wants the spices and ingredients will be as stacked as the one in The Menu(2022). I'd pay for his private lessons from Gordon god damn Ramsey I would PAY to have Julia Child's soul reanimated so he could round out his baking skills. I would hire a pastry chef(a Cuban one, and also a French one) to make the traditional specialities for him each morning and a live-in or on call sushi chef. Honestly he would probably just volunteer or do some kind of hobby that puts him in contact w all different types of people that seems to be how he'd like to spend his time.

Thalia could uh. Have enough money to buy a personality idfk.

June and James would share the library and they'd always be bringing new stuff in from old bookstores or antique shops whatever so the Mustiness in that room would be Wack. They would have stupid fucking amounts of old trinkets or furniture. They would collect and collect and collect. But they wouldnt even be around very often they'd be going out to historical sites in mesoamerica or studying the Taíno. Or reading the graffiti in Pompeii or spending weeks taking notes on every exhibit in every historical museum in Beijing or interviewing Yoruba people across the diaspora about their spiritual/cultural history. They're very... Academic. I could see them funding studies or research into areas they're passionate about(James likes history/anthropology/science/military history and June likes biology/linguistics/neuropsychology(or neurochemistry)/genetics but they both have a lot of overlap in a lot of other subjects like they both go bananas for cultural analysis over time and paleobiology. James tries to learn about rail transport but it doesn't stick. BECAUSE THEY BOTH HATE PHYSICS AND MAAAATH)

In conclusion, you should not let me be a billionaire because I would be too good at it. Thank you for your time

#sysblr #Just imagining #Daydreaming #Most of the creature comforts here are essentially obtainable anyway lol #Well not the robot bar. #But.