#WOMEN HAVE MANY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES!!!

[weallpartyatybcpatricksfuneral]

"girls support girls-" okay but are you normal about queer women? are you normal about BIWOC? are you normal about disabled women? are you normal about autistic women? are you normal about fat women? alternative women? unattractive women? are you normal about women who choose not to shave their legs and armpits and faces? are you normal about butches and tomboys and masculine women? are you normal about trans women? are you normal about trans men? are you normal about nonbinary folk and people who lie outside the gender binary or renounce gender all together? are you normal about women who absolutely despise and detest the latest trends? are you normal about weird women who unsettle you with their interests? are you normal about women who don't wear makeup, who will never wear makeup, who openly dislike makeup and the makeup industry?

#ive seen a LOT of (usually white cis het) women and girls on instagram say shit like girls support girls and then turn around and shit on #women who dont follow trends #i really hate it when a woman posts about how they dislike [insert trendy thing here] and all of a sudden shes a pick me who doesnt like #other girls #ESPECIALLY when it comes to things like makeip #*makeup #its really pissing me off #this and the rise of the 'im just a girl' 'girl math' 'girl dinner' 'girlhood is-' #SHUT UP!!!! #WOMEN HAVE MANY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES!!! #if i have to see one more 'normalize femininity' post again im going to LOSE IT #alas i need instagram because i contact people from my school on there #me posts #edit: something else ive seen is just how prevalent white feminism has become #white feminism and blatent radfem rhetoric has just started being spread EVERYWHERE #like holy shit we are regressing

[spacelazarwolf]

You have an uncanny ability to attract the worst people

it’s bc ppl love to “Coolsville Sucks” my posts and spread them around among people who don’t question why someone would want a jewish trans man to look bad. my favorite was when someone took a screenshot of a post where a trans woman in my inbox said she believes she experienced some instances of male socialization and part of my response where i said i’ve heard other trans women say that too, then cut off my actual post where i said i don’t believe male/female socialization exists and would never label a trans woman’s experience as “male socialization” unless that’s how she wants people to refer to it, and then went “LOOK HE BELIEVES TRANS WOMEN ARE SOCIALIZED MALE AND HAVE MALE PRIVILEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!” like. THE definition of Coolsville Sucks.

#ask avishai #also the reason a lot of trans women i know explain it that way is bc they’re older #i don’t interact with many trans women younger than like 25 #bc everyone under the age of 25 - not just trans women - r too much 4 me #and older trans women tend to have different experiences than younger ones bc they grew up in a different time #and like???????? #i’m not gonna interrupt a 60 yr old trans latina and tell her ‘ummmmm actually male socialization doesn’t exist what you experienced was #conditional safety based on how you were perceived in the moment’ #bc it’s fucking weird to define ppl’s experiences for them

[mikesbasementbeets]

many aspects of mike’s character work well regardless of what his specific queer identity is bc queerness encompasses a broad range of experiences and many individual identity labels within that range overlap very often in important aspects their experiences, which is why queer works as an umbrella label to describe a large and varied community of people. on the other hand, many aspects of mike’s character are specific only to the gay male experience, which is why the logical conclusion to draw from all of the evidence and context combined is that he’s gay.

#every aspect of his characterization works under a gay specific reading. some aspects Don't work under a bi specific reading. #for example invisibility is a general queer experience. being a man who likes men and doesn’t like women is a gay specific experience. #gay falls under the umbrella of queer so he also fits into many nonspecific queer experiences #does this make sense. trying to say this in the nicest way possible. saying that mike falls under a nonspecific queer experience #is meaningless in the gay/bi debate. it doesn't mean he could just as easily be bi. it just means yeah he's queer. that's a queer experienc #the gay and bi experiences are way more similar than they are different so the differences are the things to pay attention to if you're #trying to discern which is which. not the similarities. of which there are countless. #mike has many general queer codifiers and also gay specific codifiers. but he doesn't have any that are bi specific. #idk this post is pointless there just seems to be a lot of misunderstanding around this. #beets posts

[spitblaze]

I'm not at all an expert on gender studies but if you're interested in it at all I HIGHLY recommend you look into oppositional sexism as an issue because I feel like I can see into the fourth dimension of queer discourse now

#spitblaze says things #we SAY that gender is a spectrum and not a binary! and it IS a spectrum! #but too many people still view it as a binary on a social level #like yes your *gender* can be literally anything but what about your *experiences* and *privileges*? those get shoved into 'men' and 'women' #and a lot of people are under the impression that these experiences are Entirely Separate and Cannot Be Compared #which just isnt true! #i feel like we're sort of seeing a weird assertion rn that masculinity in and of itself grants privilege #as in. butch women have some sort of nebulous privilege over femme women #which is uh. not true but DOES come back to oppositional sexism. masculinity makes your experiences inherently different somehow #but it DOESNT

[starrysharks]

i wonder if white people specifically white progressives realise that black people are only ever seen as their skin color first and foremost

#this goes for all poc but im talking about black people here #black people are constantly connected to their skin color and tone in good ways and in not good ways #people will always see you as your race first because white is considered the default #like if someone wanted to insult me the first thing they would go for is my race or gender presentation #whenever an actor is cast for a role people see the fact that they are black before anything else - talent. style. etc is ignored #black people are othered in society to put it bluntly . that is why white people get so upset when black people are cast as any role #or when they uuuuuh you know exist #and if the other becomes the majority - say a movie with mostly black people or a black-exclusive setting #then white people will get uncomfortable and complain #maybe the way i explained it is weird idk im not good at explaining #what im trying to say is that blackness is not something you can hide unless you are able to pass as white/are biracial etc. #and so the many stereotypes about black people are what people see first #what i'm trying to get at is that the way people percive black people completely changes our experiences esp if we're queer or women #a white and visibly queer person will have a different experience than a black and visibly queer person #and white progressives often forget that #sorry if this was explained weird im not a good explainer and also some bad shit happened today so my head is not really in the game #do people even say that god #whatever man

[countess-of-edessa]

the thing about taking advice from anyone on tiktok or instagram including catholic and christian type influencers, parenting advice, relationship advice, etc, or internalizing any stories of horrible relationships and betrayal people tell on those platforms, or reading about all the ways interpersonal relationships can end horribly and be cycled through extremely quickly on those platforms is that you are necessarily then consuming the thoughts and experiences of someone who is willing to put their face and name on a public social media platform to talk at you. and like 1% of those people have a good reason for doing so and the other 99% are completely unhinged. so everything you’re consuming has first gone through the filter of "is this person weird and insane enough to make Instagram reels of themselves crying?" and if the answer is yes maybe their advice doesn’t apply to your life because you’re a normal person who would not do that.

#i don’t know if this makes sense but it’s something i was thinking about today #not that i really live my life according to Instagram reel advice but as a human being when i see something stated as fact i naturally seek #out the parts of it I believe or compare it to my current worldview #and when that person seems to have a lot of “clout” for discussing spiritual things….idk sometimes I’m like wait is this true? should i #believe this? and other times I’m like well is this a real pattern of behavior that can be observed in many people from different walks of #life including my own? this thing that all men do or all women do or the way all couples will eventually behave #this makes it sound like i am constantly on social media consuming hours of content which im really not #I’ll be on a train and scroll a little bit and something gets stuck in my craw #but with me I’m always like am i rationalizing this away because i don’t want it to resonate? #and I think in the case of anything on social media the answer can almost always be no #because im like wait. why would i take advice from someone who has a public Instagram account #im not saying a stopped clock isn’t right twice a day but really how much of my perspective and life experiences can they share in #when we have this totally totally mismatched worldview #(i mean this also applies to basically anyone offering any type of life advice who isn’t catholic about that) #(but when they are Catholics doing this that gives me slightly more pause for obvious reasons I’m like we are on the same team though?) #(and we are but only kind of and i do not have to listen to you because being an Instagram influencer is still cringe in 99% of cases.)

[bisexualseraphim]

Alright fine I’m gonna speak my mind.

My cis followers, listen up:

Being attracted to trans people is not inherently a fetish. The way you speak about trans people CAN be fetishistic, but 99% of the time when I see cis people calling out trans fetishism it’s literally just. Someone being really horny for a trans person. That’s not inherently fetishistic.

Sorry but it actually hurts me a little when I see cis people claim that a content creator is being fetishistic for drawing a trans guy with tits and a pussy, or for writing smut where a trans guy really enjoys using his pussy for sex, or God forbid said trans guy is fem. Trans people like that exist, you know. I myself have a pussy and fuck yes do I want people I’m in a relationship with to be attracted to it. And the same goes for many transfemmes who keep their natal parts, especially butch transfemmes.

Trans people are not a monolith. We don’t all hate our bodies or experience dysphoria or express our genders the same way. I swear to God cis people are all “allies” until a trans man is fem or a trans woman is butch or an enby isn’t androgynous or we actually enjoy our bodies or we have a kink or sexual fetish you don’t like.

Cis people: I know your hearts are in the right place and I appreciate that, but spouting “oh this content is fetishistic and Bad because trans men NEVER like their vaginas and are NEVER feminine” (or something equal to other trans people) is seriously not the allyship you think it is.

There is absolutely a conversation to be had about fetishising trans people — chasers in particular — but it’s quite a bit less black and white than hating certain FICTIONAL portrayals of trans people because these types of trans people exist in real life and we can see what you say about us.

I love my dick and my pussy (because I have both — are you aware we can have both?) but I saw a post today by someone I really like that actually made me feel kind of shit about myself because it was a cis person essentially saying that smut that describes my genitals in any particularly horny light is fetishistic and that really kind of hurt me. It made me feel like people think I’m undesirable due to my body only it was said in some backwards attempt to be an ally which is almost worse than deliberate transphobia lol.

I guess my point is: not all trans people’s feelings and experiences are universal. Call out obvious transphobia when you see it, yes, but please stop speaking for us about complex situations you just can’t fully understand unless you’re trans. Trans identities and experiences can be so much more complicated than what mainstream celebrities and articles will tell you and I just really need cis people to stop behaving as though the issues we face are a quick and easy fix. It never is. Sometimes the best allyship is to listen to how WE feel and take it into consideration instead of saying whatever you think we want you to say — because a lot of the time, we don’t.

#Sorry for popping off but that really upset me and I had to say something #I don’t usually speak up about things like this because so many cis people just can’t take a criticism to save their lives #Also I know some trans people WOULD find the things I mentioned fetishistic but that’s part of my point #Is that we all experience and feel different things and don’t all have the same beliefs #And implying it’s inherently fetishistic to be attracted to us harms way more trans people than not #Also transmeds and truscum please stay away from me you’re part of the problem 💜 #Hope at least one cis person sees this and does some reflection #long post #text post #trans #transgender #transphobia #trans nsft #trans ally #trans discourse #trans men are men #trans women are women #enby #nonbinary #intersex #gender essentialism #bioessentialism #gender roles #gnc #gender nonconforming #rant #vent #nsft

[fitzrove]

Rant in the tags... I am insufferable

#i keep watching video essays that annoy me..... #largely about like idk 'girlhood' 💀 #and they never make sense or come across as relatable because smth like loneliness or relationship drama or identity for women is ALWAYS #connected to relationship history with men 💀 #and h*terosexuality is treated as an universal aspect of womanhood #this also makes many stories unrelatable to me. a man existing is not a crime but stories saying smth deep about womanhood through how women #feel about men makes it alienating when you don't see the world that way #also idk some video essays are just soo pretentious and the person talking obviously doesnt know enough abt the topic #this doesnt only go for 'girlhood' type essays btw it also goes for the stuff i watch about minecraft and ts2 etc (yeah...) 😂💀 #anyway yeah where is the essay about the universal girl experience of wanting to be crown prince rudolf (JOKING) #no but the thing is... watching dune made me realise... ppl never let a girl be a hero in blockbusters IN THE SAME WAY men get to be #st*r w*rs tried but the overall plot failed in many parts & people couldnt be normal abt it #idk i do think its because of how sex and romance are treated way differently in women's stories....... women never have those happen #just randomly on the side as things that build her up and somewhat affect the hero's journey - it often becomes About The Man #(because often it is a man) #idk #where's girl p*ul atr*ides. where's girl j*sus. where's girl crown prince rudolf #(in my fanfics.... that last one is in my fanfics...) #well just one so far unfortunately 😔

[dumb-doll-lips]

I don’t know enough people to ask, but if you’re a woman maybe around early to mid 30s, how often do you talk to your mom? Like idk what range of answers even make sense for a survey, surveys feel more fun. I’m sick of feeling like such a bad guy bc i don’t want to talk everyday and would like more space.

#my mom said she was about to drop by my place unannounced bc I didn’t answer her calls until later and I texted her back the day before #but she was worried something happened to me #I just got major guilt tripped about not talking to her much and I’ve been on phone calls w her the past two days #I do also think it’s a bit of a gendered issue when looking at it #that’s why I said women #but maybe I’m wrong #just every guy I’ve been closer w usually has an issue w how involved my mom tries to be #so feels like their experiences have been a lot different than mine #I also made the maube mistake of telling her I’m dating some a little while ago #it’s not something I like want to talk about much w her ever #but she was so busy worrying I’m depressed and not doing anything #but now I get so many questions there #and she’s worrying I think even more #ughhh

[holyluvr]

Older people who are disabled have got to start understanding that it’s a lot different of an experience when you’re younger and disabled. I’m tired of them brushing it off and talking about their disability that they gained with aging or at an older age. It’s not the same social, economic, interpersonal, or doctor experience at all when you’re 20 compared to 45+ years old.

#… #this isn’t saying OH OLDER PPLS PAIN DOESNT MATTER or THEY DONT FACE ABLEISM #No. I’m explaining how they’re often ableist to younger disabled people without a thought of it. #it’s not solidarity when you explain a different experience and emotions and PUSH it onto a younger person without listening #like honestly go fuck yourself with your bad knee if you’re going to brush a kid or young adult being disabled off as no big deal and normal #it’s not the norm for our age. we have so many expectations based on age. doctors don’t trust us telling the truth at all/take us seriously #it’s traumatic to be a child. teenager. or young adult with a disability for a lot of us. It fucks up our family and finances and friends #we lose so many opportunities that a younger person usually has. we are often lonely. like cmon. #no one is going to think a 50y/o is lying about chronic pain #but when I took breaks from work because of my disability I was accused of being lazy lmfao by disabled older women #more than anything we need older disabled people to support us and give us hope #not complain to us or tell us to suck it up bc Well They Have This Issue Ans #I have my entire fucking life to think about with this disability. I have to change my entire future and life goals. everything. #disability #ableism

[miraculouslumination]

"Omg I can't stand when people try to use the intersectional feminist argument to include men. Like when they ask if a homeless man can be misogynistic to a rich woman. I'm just worried for the (poor helpless weak females) homeless women AROUND him!!"

So you just suck at intersectional feminism. Okay.

#Jean rambles #The bioessentialism. The genderessentialism. Y'all are so close to getting the point #Like. Sure okay let's look at a homeless encampment that has men and women (and for the sake of argument - no genderqueer people of any kind #On a purely gender basis yeah sure there are risks for misogyny #But what about the racial aspects of the encampment. What about the religious aspects. Hell what about the economic aspects #What about disability - physical or otherwise - aspects. What about age aspects. What about family aspects. #There are SO many goddamn aspects to look at in just this one hypothetical homeless encampment #That can determine and influence how people there interact with each other #Especially given outside influences such as police and civilians #If you only focus on the most cis-centric gender binary perspective of this hypothetical homeless encampment #Then you just suck at intersectional feminism. I'm sorry but you do. You just suck at it #Get better and do better before thinking you can pull a seat up to this table #And yeah. Obviously these different aspects can fall on the women too #A homeless muslim woman is highly likely to experience a tougher time than a homeless white christian man #But then the homeless latino man with a physical disability is highly likely to have a tougher time than a homeless white woman with- #No disability at all #It's not about who is more oppressed or any of that shit #It's looking at all the pieces that make up a whole and seeing the issues that can come from some of those pieces #One of the biggest points of intersectional feminism is to not make the oppression olympics #It's to give a voice and a name to the tool that's being used to beat countless of us into the dirt

[icharchivist]

waking up to see they're discoursing about Ladiva again on the previously-blue-bird site i'm just. benafflecksmoking.jpg.

do we really have to go through that every time a major granblue game release. can't people fucking behave.

#this time from a tr*nsm*d saying that by default of not being dysphoric she's harmful rep #OP says while posting a screenshot of a convo between two trans women that goes #'i'm dysphoric so i know changing body can help do you want my help' #'nah i'm not dysphoric so i don't need it but that's very sweet' #'okay cool! we have different experience but both are alright!' #(paraphrasing) #and they're arguing 'since she doesn't want to change her body it's transphobic' #and it's just. you know it's only ONE of the MANY trans rep we have right #having one trans person not wanting to change her body (specifically because of really deep personal reasons) #isn't a statement about how all the charas in the game do it #GAAAHHHH #Ladiva get behind me no one can harm you i love you so much #ichatalks about gbf #ichasalty

[sageofthestrange]

✿ saurons_eye_emoji.png

bold for things i could definitely see or want, italics for things i could see or am unsure of and striked out for things i don’t want or cannot see.

FRIENDSHIP.     childhood friends  /  work buddies or coworkers  /  family friends  /  friends with benefits  /  smoking buddies  /  adventure buddies  /  fake friends  /  recently friends  /  party buddies  /  friendship of need  /  dying friendship  /  circumstantial friendship  /  partners in crime  /  old friendship  /[your muse] is the good influence  /[your muse] is the bad influence  /[my muse] is the good influence  /[my muse] is the bad influence  /  opposites attract  /  ride or die  /  frenemies  /  roommates or flatmates  /  penpals  /  exes to friends  /  enemies to friends  /  other

ROMANCE.     childhood sweethearts  /[your muse is mines] childhood crush  /[my muse is yours] childhood crush  /  exes  /  exes to lovers  /  forbidden lovers  /  highschool sweethearts  /  secret relationship  /  opposites attract  /  long distance  /  unrequited [from your muses side]/  unrequited [from my muses side]/  unrequited [from both sides]/  skinny love  /  friends to lovers  /  enemies to lovers  /  spurious relationship  /  power couple  /  newly entered  /  soulmates [ metaphorical ]/  soulmates  [ literal ]/  awkward  /  turning toxic  /  toxic love  /  cheating [on your muse]/  cheating [with your muse]/  other

FAMILIAL.     siblings [half]/  siblings [step]/[my muse] is an older sibling figure to your younger sibling figure  /[my muse] is a younger sibling figure to your older sibling figure muse  /[my muse] is a parental figure to yours  /[my muse] is a child figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal guardian  /  adoptive child  /  foster child  /[your muse] is taken under mines wing  /[my muse] is taken under yours wing  /  other [kin-sisters/blood of the covenant vibes]

ANTAGONISTIC.     dangerous to each other  /  dangerous to others  /  unpredictable  /  rivals  /  petty  /  developing into sexual or romantic tension  /  based off family matters  /  based of off circumstance  /  based off professional matters  /  based off misunderstanding or lies  /  conflict of ideology  /  betrayal  /  hero - villain dynamic  /  enemies  /  fight club  /  friends turned enemies  /  lovers turned enemies  /  exes turned enemies  /  other 

#n1ghtwarden #ANSWERED. #(this is a funny time to mention that valerya is actually older than minthara and not by a small margin iirc.) #(There's A Lot To Start With Though So Hmm...) #(by virtue of both being exiles from the underdark of very powerful noble families with minthara from THE noble family of drow—) #(they both have an inkling of what that life is like right away despite taking such diverging paths) #(the backstabbing; the fear; the paranoia; the viciousness) #(both had been bred and groomed to be the perfect daughters for the queen of spiders and the matrons that raised them) #(yet now they're both on the surface; excommunicated and for far different reasons) #(they have a lot in common but a lot of DIFFERENCES too that could take the relationship in all kinds of angles imo.) #(valerya would simultaneously admire but somewhat scorn the ruthlessness of their shared underdark being brought up onto the surface) #(she'd also respect her experience and capacity as not merely a combatant but also in her devotion to whatever cause she pushes herself to) #(there's also the obvious physical differences in capacity which would make for an intriguing point between them) #(minthara; i think; would approve of valerya's practicality and use of her own cold authority in hard-to-call situations for the party) #(putting mind over matter; but i also imagine she'd have some doubts given her choice of profession and her obvious infirmities) #(but i could also see minthara commending valerya for surviving and even thriving in many ways GIVEN her infirmity) #(she didn't just lie down & give up; valerya would tell minthara the same; she lost purpose twice and yet still stands by her with an oath) #(both of them are women of incredible competence plagued by fatal flaws and downfalls) #(valerya is LN while minthara is LE so they both have a lot to bond over as well as argue over while not being TOO far apart in morals) #(neither of them are people who sugarcoat) #(LIKE I SAID; SO MANY THINGS AND WAYS TO EXPERIENCE THESE TWO) #(don't even get me started on the vibes they'd have during Act 3 when valerya 99% chooses to go partial illithid) #(thank you for the ask!! >:]] )

[holyshit]

anons from earlier today ⬇️ (sorry for doing so much tag answering but it’s a heavy topic to me so i don’t want to get too... out there with it lol)

#'not ready' anon #oh yeah i completely agree with you 100% #it's a whole different beast and i really wish she was advised to put her socials on private bc it's gonna get brutal quickly :/ #so many aspects i don't like about this rip #'dare i say it' anon #yup exactly- it is a very uncomfortable choice in general from whoever was deciding this #and it doesn't surprise me that probably a bunch of men who are likely involved in this decision would not see how gross it is to actively #choose someone so much younger for him #like i fully expect they didn't recognize that it would be an issue because so many older men don't see an issue with dating women in their #early twenties #so it's very much a disappointed but not surprised moment for me lol #if they really thought this would be a good way to market to his younger fans- there are other! ways! you fuckers! #'answer in tags' anon #don't worry- you are very much entitled to feel that way and i totally understand where you're coming from #different topics are gonna hit different people harder and this is also a big Ick Factor conversation to me because of personal experience #so i 100% understand the feeling of needing to back off. even if this is not a breaking point for you i do always recommend taking steps #back occasionally to cool off and with that distance you can see whether you are still deriving joy from this fandom #or if the stress/things that upset you overrides it #also remember you are always free to dm me off anon if you ever want to have more of a one-on-one conversation about it! #i feel like i can at least give a decent ear since i have experience leaving fandom AND coming back lmao #asks #anonymous

[pikachu-surprised-face]

"Female characters can certainly have characteristics found within The Hero's Journey, but it would be difficult to apply characteristics found within The Heroine's Journey to a male character because they generally can't and don't relate."

"The Hero already has power as a man. The Heroine battles not only the conflicts at hand within the story, but is also dealing with the prejudice of being a woman."

ah yes. men just don't know what it's like to aspire to be in a more priviledged position, quite possibly requiring a betrayal of the self, eventually reclaiming initial values, skills or attributes.

men?? dealing with prejudice?? not having power?? has never happened, ever.

just. women can relate to element's of the men's journey, but men could never understand those female woman elements of a story. men and women are just so different, lol. men could never relate. I am a progressive btw.

#writing #personal #feel like shit just want intersectional feminism back #I swear the discussions around heroes's and heroine's journey #as well as male vs female gaze are just #absolutely batshit #like the life experiences of men differ greatly! for so many reasons! and the same goes for women! #and also the lif experiences for men and women overlap! for so many reasons! #the fucking gender essentialism in those discussions man #like the heroine's journey has many great elements #it's just #you also need to get out of your ass for a second there #“the Females have an inner journey and the Males have an external journey” #I could go on about why this entire discussion sucks ass for days I swear

[estravenlover]

I was talking the other day with people about how English doesn’t have deferential verb forms and stuff like many other languages do but how in English we still have hierarchical ways of speaking to each other. Obviously race class and gender play huge rolls. Also this is not universal but I notice that at least for me and most women around me that we talk to men in an extremely deferential way that men seem to take absolutely no notice of. I think most men that I interact with have literally no idea women speak to them differently than we do to each other. Even when things are not dangerous, like the other day I was talking to a random man in the grocery store and he was insisting that the Barbie movie already came out, and I know that’s just like factually not true but after he told me I was wrong I immediately agreed with him and continued with the conversation. Like I wasn’t scared of him I had no actual belief he would have hurt me in public because I insisted that the Barbie movie was not actually out yet lol. It was just the first reaction I had to placate him and agree verbally even though I knew it wasn’t true. And obviously it didn’t really matter in that interaction but I do this in my professional life, I do it when talking to strangers, and I even do it when I’m with friends even though I try hard to stop doing it then. It’s my tone of voice, it’s the literal words I say, and it’s even the body language. And it’s not a new idea that women make themselves smaller around men, many other people have said it before and more elegantly but idk crazy to me that so many men in the world don’t know we do this? Like this was also sparked by me working on some internal stuff with men and some white women I work under where I was angry because they seemed to be so dismissive of all the work I put into offering them deference and respect in our interactions and my friend literally had to tell me that they didn’t actually know I was doing that. that’s just how they think I am all the time and how they expect me to talk to them. Which, obviously lol but it was kinda jarring to realize in the moment.

#TO BE CLEAR I don’t think this is an innate thing #this is entirely a learned behavior #I think part of the problem is men not knowing but when I have told men in my life this I have not gotten a lot of positive listening back #lol #so I think as feminists we need to do the work of actively trying not to do this and for male feminists they need to be ready to be able to #be prepared to listen to that and actually speak to the women in their life as equals and not use their social power to demand subservience #again this is my experience but I do think many other women share this #but so often the men in my life demand subservience in subtle ways and this is one of them #but like it doesn’t need to be like this #also I think race plays a huge role #like being brown changes how I interact with people all the time and I’m sure it matters in everyone else’s lives too lol #but I do think white women do this too for men but their experience might be different or whatever in ways I don’t know #idk all a work in progress #ugh English is so limiting and is so focused on catagorization it’s hard to talk about this without it sounding like I’m placing a hierarchy #of other peoples privileges #which I’m not trying to do #life is very complicated and these catagoriyan are not real they are social #but idk I’m just trying to put my experience into words #also to be clear fuck TERFs #I feel like when u talk about feminism on thsi website two weird things happen #TERFs try and claim any feminist discussion as being a terf point…. which like ew no stay away #thsi has nothing to do with gender essentialism and I reject terf logic wholeheartedly #but also some people seems to be reactionary and say discussion of women’s oppression is TERFy??? which is also weird and stupid #terfs don’t own feminism they are a contradictory reactionary group trying to pretend that #but regardless of what idiots on the internet think we need to be able to speak openly about issues that hinder liberation #and this is a small example that I was just thinking about #feminism #my post