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my-autism-adhd-blog · 8 months

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I have been diagnosed with borderline (I'm female) but I think I may be autistic. I did the raads-r teat and got 165, so I went to my therapist and told her and she said that autism and borderline can share some symptoms and that I can't be autistic because I make eye contact and I make/understand jokes. the thing is it's hard for me to look people I don't know in the eye for a long time, it becomes painful, and when someone is talking and looking at me I'm so concentrated on making eye contact that I don't even listen to what they're saying, and I've told her that. I also don't always get jokes, especially if they're a type of joke I'm not familiar with. I know these two alone don't mean anything, there are more stuff but I just wanted to ask you, what do you think about her answer?

Hi there,

I found an article talking about the differences and similarities:

Individuals diagnosed with BPD based on the DSM-5 (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) must exhibit at least 5 of the following 9 traits:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships

Identity disturbance, unstable self- image or sense of self

Chronically feeling “empty”

Impulsive behaviour across two areas in life (e.g. sex and substance use)

Difficulty regulating emotions (often due to heightened reactivity in situations)

Intense anger that is disproportionate to the situation

Recurrent suicidal/self-harm behaviour

Often feeling paranoid and dissociating in times of stress

In addition to the diagnostic traits, here are some common features of BPD:

Described as “manipulative”—using charm to influence the situation

Able to read social cues

Aware of the opinion of others

Able to ‘snap out’ of an outburst

Angry if their needs are not being met

Need for others to support their self-esteem

Switch from idealizing someone to despising them instantly and without provocation

Association with a childhood history of exposure to abuse, neglect, criticism and emotional invalidation

In contrast, here are some common features seen in autism:

Lack of social understanding from an early age

Greater difficulty reading social cues

Needing time away from others; solitude is enjoyable

Sensory sensitivity

History of special interests

Difficulty coping with change and transitions

Self-harm and suicide attempts are less likely to be related to trying to influence others behaviours or bring the focus of attention onto themselves

Why are women more commonly misdiagnosed with BPD?

Autistic women have higher rates of misdiagnosis in part due to our nonstereotypical presentations compared to men. The way we present to the world is often a product of our higher levels of masking and camouflaging. Women also have more social norms to adhere to in the neurotypical world, creating more opportunities for our social “missteps” to be attributed to BPD.

Generally, among women, there is a higher expectation to maintain interpersonal relationships. For example, in neurotypical social groups, women tend to have large superficial social networks. In contrast, autistics usually prefer having fewer closer relationships. Additionally, when we want to build a relationship, we often single out the person we are attracted to, engage in deep conversations on specialized topics, and invite the other person to adopt our routines and interests. Since this is against neurotypical social norms, this is often viewed as an “unhealthy attachment”—a BPD trait. Thus, an undiagnosed autistic woman who struggles to fit in with her peers can easily be “flagged” as having BPD if a clinician doesn’t look at the underlying cause. In comparison, men don’t have as many social expectations, so an autistic man’s non-neurotypical social patterns do not get “flagged” as readily.

Another common cause of misdiagnosis in women is based on our often high motivations to fit in with these social norms. When we work hard to camouflage by practicing social scripts, but inevitably still struggle in relationships with neurotypicals, clinicians may view this as the BPD trait of intensely fearing abandonment. This “fear of abandonment” can also be mischaracterized in instances where we experience distress if a friend cancels last-minute plans. For most autistics, our distress isn’t driven by a fear of abandonment but rather an executive functioning difference. We don’t cope well with sudden changes to our plans, irrespective of who they are with.

Moreover, our higher levels of camouflage often cause us to struggle with our sense of self because we are forced to act in inauthentic ways. However, our lack of self-identity is rooted in this forced inauthenticity, not based on an unstable identity personality trait which is often seen in BPD.

One important consideration in this discussion is that to date, research has done a poor job regarding autism and gender identity. Due to the lack of data collection on this topic, we still don’t know how BPD misdiagnosis affects gender-diverse individuals. This is particularly frustrating since we know that a large proportion of the autistic community is gender-diverse.[28] Since the diagnostic criteria for autism are biased towards a stereotypical presentation of autism—mainly seen in (white) cis-gendered boys—and gender-diverse individuals also mask and camouflage a lot, my assumption is that the rate of BPD misdiagnosis is likely also high in gender-diverse autistic populations.

I will leave the article below so you can read more:

Please keep in mind that you could possibly have both. Autism has a long list of co-occurring disorders.

I hope this helps answer your question. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open

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dragonsfromthemoon · 1 year

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ON ASOIAF, AGE GAP AND RHAELYA

This is a topic discussed over and over on fandom spaces. Often it is brought up by antis as a “gotcha!” against the fans of certain fictional couples — and on this meta, my focus is mostly on Rhaegar and Lyanna, though some arguments can be used for other ships as well.

That said, we have two ways of looking into this subject in the context of A Song of Ice and Fire.

Parting from a doylist analysis, we could rightfully criticize George R. R. Martin for his approach to age and relationships, especially regarding his female characters. In Rhaegar and Lyanna's case, we could object him putting an underage girl in a relationship with a married man about eight years her senior. If I were the one writing this story, I would have aged Lyanna up; there is no narrative/worldbuilding/plot reason for not doing that. Alas, I am not George R. R. Martin, the story does not belong to me.

The gist here, however, is reprobating the author's conscious choices, nor the characters themselves or their relationship. Rhaegar and Lyanna cannot make decisions or be held accountable in the real world, as they are only fragments of George R. R. Martin's imagination and words on a blank paper. The same is valid for any other relationship featured on Planetos.

Nevertheless, a doylist analysis is bound to face some questions and run into some issues as well. The first being, who is the one raising the objections? The answer is crucial, because the objector parts from their own vision of the world — which is dictated by one's upbringing, moral and culture. Needless to say, all of these things vary from person to person. Different fans will approach the matter of age gaps differently, based on their own opinions and experiences. The second one is, who gets to judge what is right or wrong? And this is followed by the question: what is the the acceptable age gap — 10 years? 5 years? 2 years? 1 year? Months? We would debate over it endlessly, because there is really no right answer, and everyone would apply their own biases to the issue. Thirdly, why did the objector decide to engage with a material that features such age gaps in the first place? We have the power over what we read and watch, over the fandoms we join; as well as the power of not engaging with triggering content for us anymore. Sanitizing fiction is not the way to go, because it brings more harm than good in the form of persecution and harassment of content creators and censorship (again, who gets to decide what must be censored and why?)

There are two more intertwined factors to take into account when discussing a doylist perspective: George R. R. Martin's historical inspirations and worldbuilding. Though so many times exaggerated and factually wrong, the fact remains that he draws inspiration from the European Middle Age (with focus on England) to build Planetos. And that reflects directly on the issues of age in his work. Childhood, adulthood, marriageable age, age of context are notions that differ drastically from our contemporary ones. We are talking about distincts periods of history, with distinct approaches to social and cultural norms, after all. Here the author himself discusses the issue of ages, if one would be interested to read on the topic.

Which brings me to the watsonian analysis part of this essay. Above all, the in-universe context matters here. And if we hope to understand the characters, their actions and views on relationships in a deep level, we cannot dissociate them from their historical and social in-universe background.

By the time Lyanna met Rhaegar, she was 14 and already engaged to Robert Baratheon. Her fiance Robert, by the way, was also older than her. By all accounts he desired her and claimed to love her, constructed an image of her in his mind. It is safe to speculate she would have been expected to marry Robert not long after Brandon Stark's marriage to Catelyn, if her elopement with Rhaegar and the Rebellion had not happened. My point here is, this was hardly a frowned upon marriage arrangement in A Song of Ice and Fire. Except for Lyanna, that is, as she did not desire Robert nor this marriage. Even so, her issue was not with his age (her distaste for Robert is a whole other discussion).

Well, when Lyanna starts her affair with Rhaegar de facto, she is about 16 (not 14, as antis like to claim; let's get our facts straight). By Westerosi standards, a woman grown, apt to marry and bear children. Rhaegar was about 24. Thus they have a 8 years age gap. This is hardly a remarkable age difference in Westeros, as so many couples have it even bigger. Almost all of romantic entanglements in this story have an element of age imbalance. I will not name these examples; I trust the readers to come up with their own.

My point here is, through watsonian lens, the age gap between Lyanna and Rhaegar is scarcely a problem or something to be particularly condemned. And quite frankly, there are other aspects of their characters and their dynamic that are more relevant to discuss, if we as readers take upon us to analyse them.

#ashter rambles #rhaegar targaryen #lyanna stark #rhaelya

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kariachi · 1 month

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Okay everybody, I feel the painful urge to math something, so we're going to see about coming up with some reasonable average clutch sizes and rates for Pern golds. Given, ya know, the McCaffreys didn't give us any real consistency there.

So, at least somewhat account for the inconsistencies we're going to be running off of a concept I've put forth before- that dragonkin have different 'morphs' seen during Intervals and Passes respectively. This allows for the way that dragon reproduction slows during Intervals. The difference between the morphs, for the purposes of this, is how long they take to mature, how often risers, well, Rise, and how many eggs are laid.- with the Interval morph taking longer and doing so less often than the Pass morph, as well as generally living longer as a result.

As our best information outside of Passes, we're going to assume that Nemorth is a reasonable example of an Interval morph, and therefor say that they reach sexual maturity in seven years, as opposed to Pass morph Ramoth who does so in two.

Meanwhile my preexisting estimate for Pass-moprh lifespans ended up being minimum around 50-60 years (given Leri doesn't seem to be that much older than middle-aged Moreta but is clearly older than would be expected thanks to being a rider, if we assume an age of around 70, 80 at a stretch (the norm in such a setting would likely be around 60) minus 20 years as the general age of gold candidates), while MasterHarper of Pern asserts that riders can and do live to 110 with their dragons still going strong. Presumably something about the bond musses with that shit for the human half... But it would mean that in Intervals dragons probably live closer to a century.

Now, there's some other information we need before we can really get mathing.

How many dragons does Pern actually have?

How many dragons need to reach adulthood the maintain those numbers?

How many eggs need to be laid to give us that number?

How many eggs would need to be laid per gold to give us that number?

How often?

We'll start with question one.

Now, using the Atlas of Pern as my source, utilizing both text and the assumption that the 'lesser room exaggeration' on the Weyr maps refers to the ratio of weyrs shown vs actually meant to be present-

Benden Weyr has space for about 500 general riderpairs and five goldpairs (stated outright)

We don't have a population for Southern, but from map information we can estimate about 250 general riderpairs, and know there are three goldpairs before the Oldtimers take it over

During at least Moreta's time Fort has space for four goldpairs and can estimate from map information a general riderpair population of about 450

High Reaches, in Moreta's time, appears to have space for four goldpairs, and a general rider estimate of about 150 (though this may be less reliable, as High Reaches is described as using more outdoor buildings than other Weyrs to supplement a lack of space)

Ista appears to have space for three goldpairs, and at least 82 general riderpairs, though this is merely based on visible weyrs and it is implied there are more- Ista is also confirmed as the smallest Northern Weyr

And to make sure we're covering our bases, let's see and compare to what information we can get from the Dragonlover's Guide-

Fort Weyr is built to hold about 450 general riderpairs

Benden holds over 350 general riderpairs

It should also be noted that the 2nd Pass books apparently describe Telgar as having a capacity of 600 dragons, but I am not digging out the one I have to check because I already did that for Masterharper and I'd like to finish this post at some point.

So our reliable numbers (Benden, Fort, Southern) imply a correlation between gold number and dragon population in most cases (9th Pass Benden is a bit of an outlier because Ramoth throws eggs like confetti but refuses to let more than two other golds stick around). Five compared to 500, three compared to 250, four compared to 450. We can use that to extrapolate that Telgar likely has around six goldpairs, but also to estimate full general riderpair populations for High Reaches and Ista (which it seems would likely be 350-450 and 250-350 respectively, which would track with Ista's being the smallest Northern Weyr).

We can also probably guess that Igen, who seems to be one of the middle Weyrs (it certainly isn't out there getting love) probably has space for four goldpairs, same as Fort and High Reaches. Not enough to be as impressive as Benden and Telgar, but ahead of the small Weyrs.

So, averaging out from there, we're talking about an average general riderpair population of about 2900 during a Pass. Because gods know we don't get information about the depths of Intervals aside from 'numbers decline'.

Given the declining, and Benden starting from five and only getting really worked up when they were down to one, I'm going to run with the assumption that the numbers halve, leaning towards the low end, in the depths of an Interval. So someplace like Telgar may not expect to drop below three pairs, but Ista may go down to one.

Taking this into account, we're considering a max Interval number of about 1450.

Yeah, there's a reason people worry about the dragon population on Pern, that shit can't be healthy, no matter how many strands your dna has.

But! We have our baseline! Going off the 9th Pass we can assume a population of about 2900 dragons during a Pass, supported by 29 goldpairs, and 1450 dragons during an Interval, supported by about 14 goldpairs.

So now we move on to question two- how many adult dragons do we need to get each year to maintain those numbers?

Now for this we need death rates, to know approximately how many riderpairs are dying per year.

Now getting adult death rates (and that's what we're looking at right now, I'll get to the children in a minute) in period that can be considered to some degree level with our setting can be a fucking bitch. Especially ones that take into account that as dragons and riders the best healthcare available is going to normally be available (the mess of the 8th Interval not withstanding). So, we're using the average death rate of a priory in Canterbury in the 1400s because that's the best I could get.

So for a general 'we're not getting eaten by space-fungus' death rate we're gonna estimate about 2.5% of adult dragons lost each year. This doesn't take into account death by Fall, for which we're going to grab the combat destruction rate of USAF aircraft during WW2, given we're dealing with air to air combat and a lot of lost medical knowledge, giving us a Fall death rate of about 14%. Meaning we have an Interval death rate of about 2.5% and a Pass death rate of about 16.5%.

For actual numbers, that means that each year the golds would have to all together produce ~37 adult dragons during an Interval and ~479 adult dragons during a Pass.

Notice how I keep saying 'adult'?

On to question three.

Pern is a medieval brand setting, and while it doesn't bring attention to it any setting further back than 'modern' is going to run into one big thing that's a key fact in most people's lives- child mortality. Kids just died back then, a lot. Their immune systems aren't fully developed so they were more vulnerable to illness, they don't have a lot of experience so they're more likely to do something stupid, they're small and weak and so more likely to be maimed by a wherry or something. There's a lot of reasons kids died all the time back then, but the point is they did, and in a lot of places still do. Then you have to take into account a lot of these dragons are Impressing to fuckers who are still themselves firmly in the 'old enough to do the stupid thing and young enough to not think better of it' category, and that their growth includes 'learning to Between'. If anything me saying '40% child mortality rate' is probably a little low. But I'm trying to be a little nice and assume fuckers are watching these little menaces like hawks.

So, we're going with the assumption that only 60% of hatchlings even make it to adulthood. So the number of dragons that has to hatch to reach the adult number goal has to account for that. Each year the golds, all together, would have to produce ~62 hatchlings during an Interval, and ~799 hatchlings during a Pass.

But that's not all! Because we also have to account for hatch rate! Because not all the eggs are going to hatch! Now for this one I'm going to be nice and assume a good hatch rate, we're gonna go with numbers taken from captive crocodiles and say that we can expect about 95% of eggs to hatch. It's wildly more common for them to get babies than not. (Listen, I'm a sap, let me be)

So, taking into account that we can expect 5% of eggs to not even hatch, our numbers turn to ~68 eggs per year in an Interval, and ~841 eggs per year during a Pass.

We estimated 14 goldpairs during an Interval, so that would be a yearly requirement of ~5 eggs a year each. We estimate 29 goldpairs during a Pass, for a yearly requirement of ~29 eggs a year each.

Nemorth seems to Rise about every eight years, give or take a year, which should give us about 40 eggs per clutch, but her largest confirmed clutch is only 24, most closer to 20, so from that we can assume that it's more likely an Interval gold is normally Rising every four years, give or take.

Meanwhile Ramoth's numbers include such hits as '40' and Prideth gets over 30, which only the latter fits into our little segment. Prideth's are closer (and Ramoth has Special Protagonist Syndrome), and make me think yearly clutching might be a thing for this shit. Would help explain the massive lifespan discrepancy we're looking at here, as well as how a nearly 100 year old dragon could be showing minimal signs of ages during an Interval but a lady from a Pass is old and achy when she's unlikely to be over 60- laying large clutches yearly ruins the dragons like any Holder woman made to pop out kids until they break down. It makes the Lord Holder's concern about Orlith only laying 25 eggs in Moreta more eye-roll worthy, but if she tended towards large clutches before hand (not unlikely given Anne's propensity towards them) it would make sense the 'sudden' change would throw him off.

Or, if you wanted to keep the large numbers or just give the golds some breathing room, you could increase the time between clutches up to two years, which would line up well with the halved lifespan, but then you would have to double the egg count to up to 60 eggs per clutch on average to maintain the numbers, which is beyond even Anne's shit. I'd personally suggest going no more than 1.5 years, which gives us 43, closer to Ramoth's numbers.

Or maybe you decide you want to throw out everything but my Interval and Pass requirement numbers. Or even everything but my Pass and percentage numbers. Or you want to have the clutching rate stay the same but change the number severely during an Interval to match (in which case we're talking clutches of 5-10 eggs yearly or biyearly). Or whatever! It's up to you what if anything you want to take from this, how you play with the numbers, and so on. All I can do is hope that my mess has given you something, anything, and that you enjoyed.

Long may you fly.

#pern analysis #damn this got long #i may have lost the plot a bit there towards the end but i'm mentally exhausted #went through three books for this and so much other shit as well #plus math

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ourimpavidheroine · 2 months

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so i'm confused after reading your fic is wu a top or bottom?

So listen.

When I read discourse about tops vs bottoms, it usually tells me one of three things: the discoursers either a)haven't actually had sex yet or b)have only had heterosexual sex or c)are homosexual/bisexual but are entrenched in heterosexual norms.

Not that I am saying any of those things are a bad thing. Because I'm not. But I am saying that the top vs bottom discourse is based in heterosexual norms and it seems a lot of folks out there don't quite realize how much it's influenced their thinking about sex.

I want to tell a little story. Bear with me here, it's relevant.

When I got pregnant, my (late) wife and I went to see the midwife for the first time. We had to answer all the usual standard questions - any prior pregnancies, any family history of pre-eclampsia, etc. etc. etc. Crossing the t's and dotting the i's, as it were. However, the midwife - who was a very nice lady, certainly closer to retirement age than otherwise - out of the blue asked us, "So who is the man in the relationship?"

My wife very tersely answered, "Neither of us. That's the point."

The midwife wasn't being nasty, even though a question about our sex life was shockingly unprofessional and wholly unnecessary with regards to my pregnancy (especially as she had already been told we used an anonymous sperm donor from the fertility clinic in town). It surely was not on her standard form! We were her first same-sex couple and she was curious, nothing more to it than that.

But it really brought it home how, in her mind, in order for the two of us to have sex, one of us had to be the "man" and the other had to be the "woman." In other words, one was the penetrator and one was the penetratee. And even though I am sure that if she had taken a moment to think about it she would have realized it was wildly inappropriate and incredibly intrusive for her to ask about our sex life, she was so entrenched in heterosexual norms that she quite literally could not stop herself from taking her focus away from giving us a questionnaire about my prenatal health to trying to figure out which of us was the top, and which of us was the bottom.

(Don't worry, we contacted the national LGBTQIA+ organization, and with the hospital's permission they came and gave a presentation to all of the midwives about pregnancy involving queer couples so that it wouldn't happen again.)

The thing is, though, is that the reality of it is that not everyone has or enjoys penetrative sex. I include hetero couples in that, not just mlm or wlw. Not everybody has it. Some folks might enjoy engaging in both - which is where the term "switch" comes from. But penetration is not required for sex, not even for procreation. (As I am here to attest. I did not have penetrative sex to get pregnant. Point of fact, I didn't have sex at all.)

There is this lingering idea, with queer couples, that all relationships must conform to heterosexual standards. Thus a top and a bottom. A twink and a bear. A femme and a butch. Or whatever terms folks use to define others or themselves into boxes. As a woman who has had sex with men and women (including someone who was trans) I can tell you, that for many of us not only do those boxes not fit we're not interested in them. I have been both the penetrator and penetratee and I've had sex where no penetration happened at all. The only person who expected me to conform to heterosexual norms was a cis, white, hetero dude. The rest didn't care, quite frankly.

Does that mean that there aren't twinks out there that want to get railed? Or stone butches who not only don't want to be penetrated but who don't want to be sexually touched at all? Of course not. There is a whole spectrum of sexuality out there, and people like what they like. As far as I am concerned, as long as those involved are consenting adults that are having a good time, it's none of my fucking business. I try not to put labels on other people that define their sexuality that they haven't already claimed for themselves, however. Most of us don't appreciate being defined by others, after all.

So to answer your question - is Wu a top or a bottom? My response is that Wu is Wu. He's a character who has sex with two different people, one of whom identifies as male and the other who identifies as genderqueer. Sometimes he enjoys being penetrated, sometimes he enjoys penetration, sometimes he presents as male, sometimes he presents as female. Sometimes he has sex without any penetration involved. I have written ALL of that in my fanfic. It's all there. I don't identify Wu as a top or a bottom, because I personally don't think those terms are relevant for the character as I have written him. If it is important to you, as a reader, that I put a demonstratively queer character into one of those heteronormative boxes, then all I can say is that there is plenty of Wuko fic out there that does sort Wu (and therefore Mako) into those boxes, and that those would probably be more to your taste. 🤷🏻

#tone is hard on the internet #but I am not trying to be a dick about this #just saying that I'm not interested in those terms #as a reader or a writer or even as an adult person who enjoys sex

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psychelis-new · 1 year

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Im in my 20s now and realized that making friends at this age is so difficult! Understandable.. since im at age where we are supposed to be building our career or future, but do people really have no time to make a connection? i mean a connection beyond professional ones? i’ve tried many times now to make friends but found little reciprocation. i sometimes wonder if i would ever really find friends that i have deep and meaningful connection.

yes, im in desperate..longing for deep connection. is this part of adulting too? haha

Okay, let's start by saying that society's norms are not the reality of things. So whatever people (someone, we don't even know who started!) say you're supposed to do at a certain age (be it having a stable group of friends after college, building a career from mid 20s and marrying+having children before 30s or anything like this) is just.... [NSFR] plain bs [/NSFR]. I mean, it cannot work for everyone. It's not possible. And we cannot live to these set standards (what are these based on?) and others' expectations. And it's okay if in your 20s/30s/40s/60s you don't have your group of old friends, or don't have a lover or haven't found your path yet. Living is already hard, I don't understand why we keep stressing over the fact that we need to reach specific goals by specific ages. It doesn't make any sense to me.

Now, moving onto the difficulty of creating relationships. I have answered a similar ask not too many days ago, you can scroll towards it if you want to check that too. Anyway, having relationships of any type is hard at any age, and I think it somehow got harder recently, be it because we're all more stressed or confused/scared (I'm specifically talking about the period after the pandemic -and war, tbh- and how it changed, even unconsciously our perception of life and mined our safety a bit more), be it cause we are are more scared of creating deeper connections (also thanks to how much we rely on the online world and how much we compare our lives to the made up ones we see there, and end up feeling like failures and unacceptable by others)... whatever it may be, we all feel more lonely. It's like a neverending cycle: I am lonely but I am also scared of opening up so I don't let the other in or I wear a mask to fake who I am (or pretend I have no time maybe to look more interesting), and I keep feeling lonely cause I have no one to talk to. Tbh connections like this aren't buildt to be long lasting. We don't know how to really create long lasting relationships, so we want the other to do most of the job and always/often search for us first (which is not fair), we're scared of being seen for who we are and being judged or not being liked... Finding people that really want to reciprocate isn't easy ofc, but I think sometimes it starts from us. So, what are the problems, the more common ones, you can see/find when you approach to others and get "rejected"? It's all on them or it's also partially on you? Do you do your part by letting them in and being open? Do you start/reciprocate the effort?

I am not saying it's your fault, please beware: I'm just saying that oftentimes we're more focused on others and what we expect from them (standards that they not meet in our minds), and forget that we too need to do our part. We in fact need to try and understand IF by any chance, we're mistaking something in our behaviour. How to do that? By checking within ourselves and seeing if we're sticking to our core values; seeing how others may feel by trying to imagine someone acting like we generally do with us; asking to someone else (external) for suggestions/confirmations; actually talking with these people about our fears/doubts on the connection and trying to ask them how we can try to meet them halfway. Communication is the key in relationships. Always. Especially when it comes to making deeper connections. But ofc if you're doing your part... if on the other side you only find walls, the problem is that they may not be interested or have other issues. Remember that that's not your fault, not theirs. It doesn't depend on any of you. We cannot match with everyone, sadly.

But doesn't mean you're doomed and will be alone forever. At all. Convince yourself that is not so. Don't give up and keep searching. Keep meeting people and being yourself. Your life isn't ending cause atm you don't have any to few friends or the type of friendship of your dreams. Work on ways to reach it and when you least expect it, your people will arrive. I know well that it feels very lonely now, but use this moment to find out more about you, about what you like, your passions... anything. Make it about you, be your bestie. Maybe go out reading in a park or just for a walk/run. Take classes, go volunteering, go to the cinema, go to the gym.... You don't have to do things only with friends, you can do things by yourself too (it's not sad, trust me: that's a societal fake perception). You have no idea who you can find in such places. You may meet your next friends like this, while you enjoy yourself. But keep your hopes up.

Take care! And feel free to send an ask whenever you need to talk :)

#.#asks #also pls rememebr to be descerning abt the people u meet #follow your guts #as we're not made for everyone so not everyone is made for us

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actually-a-dyke · 2 years

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Charity & Sylvia: A Same-Sex Marriage in Early America by Rachel Hope Cleves, 2014, pages xviii-xix

[The potential for toleration of same-sex sexuality so far that even same-sex marriage did not lie outside the boundaries of possibility in early America. Same-sex marriage is not as new as Americans on both sides of today's debate tends to assume; it is neither the radical break with timeless tradition that conservatives fear nor the unprecedented innovation of a singularly tolerant age that liberals praise. It fits within a long history of marriage diversity in North America that includes practices such as polygamy, self-divorce, free love, and interracial unions. Many queer scholars today criticize the mainstream gay rights focus on same-sex marriage for being "homonormative" or an attempt to secure respectability for privileged lesbians or gay men based on their similarity to straight people. But Charity and Sylvia's history reveals how same-sex marriage can challenge society's rules of respectability as well. Through their union, Charity and Sylvia undermined the conventional definitions of womanhood and manhood that ordinary marriages reinforced. They staked out new claims to familial, economic, and spiritual authority that were denied to their conventionally married sisters. It seems reasonable that to hope that same-sex marriage has the same potential to reshape acceptable sex roles today.

Ten years ago I walked in the door of Henry Sheldon Museum on a sunny summer afternoon. The entrance was unremarkable, but something in the air set my senses tingling. You know, I said, there are great treasures waiting to be discovered in local museums like this. It was entirely by accident that I stumbled across the story of Charity and Syliva a year later, and I found out their papers were archived at the Sheldon. Putting together the story of Charity and Sylvia's marriage has been like building a jigsaw puzzle, made more difficult by all the missing pieces. But the research process has left me more sure than ever that there are countless pieces remaining to be found, if not from Charity and Sylvia's lives then from the loves of other lovers who lived outside the norms. Their stories have been hard to see because they confound our expectations. We see each story as one of a kind, defying categorization. Taken together they tell a history we are only beginning to know. The most remarkable element of Charity and Sylvia's life together, in the final assessment, may be how unremarkable it was.]

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existentiallyadrift · 5 months

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Some thoughts in my head after today’s therapy session (trigger warning - child abuse):

“If people have a guilty conscience or reaction to something, that means they’re guilty of what the other person thinks they did.”

WRONG. At least in my experience. Hear me out.

At a base level gaslighting is when someone is made to feel like their reality of what happened to them is not accurate, and something else happened entirely than what they recollect, right? Perhaps what I’m about to describe is a form of that.

As a child, I experienced a fair amount of abuse. Most of it was mental/emotional abuse, which most days to me feels the most insidious. In most cases the physical abuse heals. The emotional abuse rarely does.

One specific form of mental abuse I experienced all throughout my childhood (and more so in my teenage years as I grew up and was no longer as easy to control through physical abuse), was to accuse me constantly of doing things I did not do. Primarily things with some perception of malicious intent behind them. Even innocuous things like a door or blinds being opened or closed, had some perceived malicious slight and intent in my mother’s mind and it was all an attempt by us children to “hurt” her. Because we were “bad and ungrateful children.” It was a barrage of paranoid accusations nearly every single day. This type of psychological warfare is literally what recruits in basic training are subjected to in order to evoke a state of anxiety and stress. It’s done to try and break people’s mental strength. Like full on adults. And unlike boot camp, for children there’s no specific end date in sight.

Conversely, if I did do something “wrong” like accidentally breaking something, my attempts at explanation were waved off with an air of ludicrousness. “You expect me to ACTUALLY believe…”

My entire childhood was this way. In conjunction with a very socially restrictive childhood that was mostly isolated, I literally grew up thinking the following was the normal operating state of people:

1. It doesn’t matter what you say or how honest you’re being, everyone thinks you’re lying and making things up. You constantly try to mitigate this by over explaining things and thinking about ways to convince the other person you’re actually being honest

2. People are all paranoid and will accuse you of things as a means of manipulation. While the first part of all people are paranoid is the initial observation that comes at a young age, it’s not until you’re older and in a different (dare I say normal) environment comes the second part or the realization that it’s a manipulation tactic.

As things happened I was trained to constantly mitigate toxic mental or physical abuse by constantly running through scenarios of all the possible ways my behavior or responses could be interpreted and habitually trying to do anything I could to head that off at the pass. And if left unchecked will definitely manifest in what could be construed as guilty behavior. Or I was constantly trying to anticipate all the things (no matter how unlikely) I might be accused of doing.

This is one of example of many of the mental abuses my brother and I were subjected to. I suspect my oldest brother also, but because he was so much older than me I can’t confirm. Is our experience the exception to the “guilty conscience” theory or the norm? By all the deities that may exist I hope it’s the exception. But who’s to say?

I guess what I’m really trying to say is treat people with kindness, and maybe they really are not guilty even though they’re acting odd. But it’s also ok to keep enough of your mental well being safe, just in case they aren’t. And I’m definitely not saying be a perpetual emotional open door for people; this is geared towards a first or second time of encountering this type of behavior.

Deprogramming years of this type of regular abuse takes a long time and happens in degrees. Unfortunately for some it may never happen. So be kind to one another. And most of all, be kind to yourself.

#trauma #healing #mental health #abuse survivor

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le-wrong-generator · 7 months

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New Blog

I decided to make a blog to share my hot takes about the real important issues that plague our modern society: modernity.

Modernity is bad. For every 1 good new thing that is made, 99 old things get replaced by inferior counterparts. The degradation of society seems unstoppable. Resistance is futile. We can only watch the collapse of old norms as the world spirals into worse and worse versions of itself.

I came to this revelation watching anime. Old anime is simply superior to new anime in every possible metric. Once I realized that, everything started making sense.

The reason the world sucks is that it has gone to shit, deliberately, for no reason other than to replace the old good with something new even if it's worse. Every aspect has thus become a worse and worse iteration of its previous self. I look fondly at the retro ages when everything was better. The modern world is in a constant pursuit for the bleeding edge that disregards all common sense and everything that was built upon before. I fight the disdain of modernists for the old with my own vastly greater disdain for the new.

All old things are better. I didn't experience them first hand, but I know in my heart they are. Having lived my entire life in the modern world, I think I have plenty of experience about modernity to say modernity sucks.

I haven't played that many old games, but I know they are better. And I haven't used Windows 95, but I know that it's better. I never visited a geocities website, but I know they were better. Those were different times with when things were better. There was a charm then that seems gone now. The limitations of the technology allowed for a vast field of abstractions that were their own thing. Once the limitations were removed, we started an endless chase to abandon the genre that had been founded and move to the next limits of the technology, for no reason besides that we could. We didn't stop to think we were making things worse. Being cutting edge on its own had value for some reason. I think that was stupid. What we have now is worse. This isn't my subjective opinion. It's objectively worse and I could find many studies in decades of industries to back it up. But nobody cares because it's modern and everyone hates retro. Fools, they don't know what is good.

Although I'm only an expert in matters of computers and the Japanese arts, I suspect the degeneration by modernity permeates others aspects of society as well, like fashion and music. My theory is that the OGs that pioneer a field with their greatness have a varied repertoire of knowledge, but the second, third and subsequent generations that follow their steps draw their inspiration instead from the generation that came before then. This means that the OG extracts ideas from the outer world, while their descendants merely create rehash what came before them. Like an incestuous relationship, modern creators ruin their creative gene pool by keeping things in family (in industry). Ironically, this means they aren't trying to break new ground by creating new things, but simply do the same things that were done before them, without the varied external knowledge that their predecessors had. This leads to the homogenization of creativity. Creations stop having intrinsic value and instead are pinned to an extrinsic standard of value shared between the current generation, a.k.a. the trends.

Based on this, it's with great sadness that I conclude: all new industries eventually go to shit. It's an unavoidable phenomenon and a natural mechanical process built into their lifetimes. In a new industry, there are no expectations, no metagame, but as the industry matures, schools train new workers with a meta in mind, producers, distributors, and consumers all pitch in to influence this meta, and so the adherence of the industry to unfounded ever-changing expectations is created by means of collective self-indoctrination. All gears turn smoother when they fit within expected ranges. There's too much to risk by going against the trend, too many people involved into this now. The projects are larger and the pipelines are settled. If you don't use them, you fall behind. The competitiveness of a mature industry forces its players to do not what they think is good, but what they think is safe. To copy previous successes, to distinguish themselves, and to stay within safe limits. The fine balance of these forces crushes it all into a narrow and perilous corridor, each generation making it turn into ways unpredictable and nonsensical. But alas the industry must abide to its whims, for there's no industry if they do not.

I have no idea where this path will lead us, but, based on where were are now from where we came from, I don't like the trajectory. I have no faith in it or its future. It will only get worse from now on and there's nothing we can do to change this. Give up. No point in trying. The fight was over before we even saw the ring. All we can do now is reminisce and preserve, and hope future generations get the chance to witness what real good looked like, before all these shenanigans ruined everything.

#introduction

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risetomastery · 8 months

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Embracing your body embracing health a new perspective

Introduction: The pressure to conform to ideal body weight Understanding insurance tables and their limitations The flaws in using BMI as a measure of health The importance of individualized health assessments A holistic approach to health beyond weight loss Debunking the myth of the "perfect" body weight The dangers of obsession with weight and body image Embracing body positivity and self-acceptance Promoting healthy habits and lifestyle choices Conclusion: Redefining health and focusing on overall well-being For years, people have been obsessed with the idea of the "ideal" body weight. Insurance companies use weight as a marker for health, but what if we told you that these tables are not an accurate reflection of individual health? The truth is, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to health, and no perfect weight that will guarantee good health. In fact, focusing too much on weight can lead to unhealthy behaviors and even eating disorders. In this blog post, we will explore the myth of the ideal body weight and instead focus on individual health. We'll provide you with tips on how to achieve a healthy lifestyle regardless of your weight, and why it's important to embrace your unique body and its needs. So, let's debunk the myth of the ideal body weight and start focusing on the bigger picture: individual health and wellness.

Introduction: The pressure to conform to ideal body weight

In today's society, there is an overwhelming pressure to conform to the "ideal" body weight as defined by insurance tables and societal norms. We are bombarded with images of airbrushed models with slim figures, and we are constantly reminded of the health risks associated with being overweight or underweight. As a result, many individuals feel an immense pressure to achieve and maintain a specific number on the scale, often at the expense of their mental and physical well-being. But here's the truth: the concept of the "ideal" body weight is a myth. It is a one-size-fits-all approach that fails to take into account the vast individual differences in body composition, genetics, and overall health. Each person's body is unique, and what may be considered a healthy weight for one individual may not be the same for another. Furthermore, placing too much emphasis on achieving a specific number on the scale can lead to unhealthy behaviors such as restrictive dieting, over-exercising, and the development of disordered eating patterns. These behaviors can have long-lasting detrimental effects on both physical and mental health. Instead of obsessing over the ideal body weight, we should shift our focus towards embracing individual health. This means adopting a holistic approach that takes into consideration factors such as overall body composition, muscle mass, bone density, and lifestyle habits. It means prioritizing nourishing our bodies with wholesome foods, engaging in regular physical activity that we enjoy, and cultivating a positive body image. It's time to debunk the myth of the ideal body weight and embrace the concept of individual health. Let go of the societal pressures and expectations, and instead, focus on nourishing and caring for your body in a way that feels right for you. Remember, you are more than just a number on the scale - you are a unique individual with inherent worth and value.

Understanding insurance tables and their limitations

Insurance tables have long been used as a way to determine an individual's ideal body weight based on their height and age. These tables have been widely accepted as a standard for assessing health and determining insurance premiums. However, it is important to understand that these tables have their limitations and may not accurately reflect an individual's true health or overall well-being. One of the main limitations of insurance tables is that they solely rely on the measurement of body weight without taking into account other factors that contribute to an individual's health. Health is a complex concept that involves various aspects such as body composition, muscle mass, bone density, and overall fitness level. Merely focusing on weight can be misleading and fail to provide a comprehensive understanding of an individual's health status. Moreover, insurance tables often generalize the population into broad categories, disregarding the diverse nature of individuals. People come in different shapes and sizes, and what may be considered as an ideal body weight for one person may not necessarily be suitable or healthy for another. It is crucial to recognize and embrace the uniqueness of each individual's body and prioritize overall health rather than conforming to an arbitrary weight standard. Additionally, it is worth noting that these tables were developed based on outdated data and may not reflect current understanding of health and wellness. The medical field has evolved significantly, and the focus has shifted towards a more holistic approach that considers various health indicators and promotes overall well-being rather than solely relying on weight as a determinant of health. In conclusion, while insurance tables may provide a starting point for assessing health, it is important to understand their limitations and not solely rely on them as a measure of an individual's well-being. Embracing individual health means recognizing that health is multifaceted and cannot be reduced to a number on a scale. Instead, a comprehensive approach that considers various factors such as body composition, fitness level, and overall well-being should be embraced to promote a healthier and more inclusive understanding of what it means to be healthy.

The flaws in using BMI as a measure of health

Using BMI as a measure of health has long been the standard practice in insurance tables and healthcare settings. BMI, or Body Mass Index, is calculated by dividing a person's weight in kilograms by their height in meters squared. Based on this calculation, individuals are categorized into different weight ranges such as underweight, normal weight, overweight, or obese. However, relying solely on BMI to determine health can be misleading and flawed. One of the main issues with BMI is that it does not take into account factors such as muscle mass, bone density, and overall body composition. This means that individuals with a higher muscle mass, such as athletes or bodybuilders, may be classified as overweight or even obese according to BMI, despite having a low body fat percentage and being in excellent physical condition. Additionally, BMI fails to consider other important indicators of health, such as blood pressure, cholesterol levels, blood sugar levels, and overall fitness level. It is possible for someone with a "normal" BMI to have poor cardiovascular health or other underlying health issues. Furthermore, BMI does not account for the differences in body shapes and sizes among individuals. People come in all shapes and sizes, and what may be considered a healthy weight for one person may not be the same for another. It is essential to recognize that health is not solely determined by a number on a scale or a calculation based on height and weight. Instead of solely relying on BMI, it is crucial to shift our focus towards a more holistic approach to health. This includes considering factors such as overall fitness, body composition, and individual health markers. Embracing individual health means recognizing that each person's journey towards optimal well-being is unique and cannot be solely determined by a one-size-fits-all approach. In conclusion, the use of BMI as a measure of health has its flaws and limitations. It is important to debunk the myth of the ideal body weight and instead embrace a more comprehensive understanding of individual health. By shifting our focus towards holistic well-being and considering various factors beyond BMI, we can promote a more inclusive and accurate approach to assessing health.

The importance of individualized health assessments

When it comes to assessing health, there is a common misconception that the ideal body weight is a one-size-fits-all number. Many insurance companies and healthcare providers rely on standardized tables and formulas to determine what a person's weight should be based on their height. However, this approach fails to take into account the unique factors that contribute to an individual's overall health. Individualized health assessments are crucial in debunking the myth of the ideal body weight. These assessments consider various factors such as body composition, muscle mass, bone density, and overall physical fitness. They look beyond the number on the scale and focus on the holistic well-being of the individual. It is important to recognize that health is not solely determined by weight. A person may fall within the "ideal" weight range according to insurance tables, but still have poor cardiovascular health, low muscle mass, or other underlying health issues. Similarly, someone who may be considered "overweight" or "obese" by these standards could have excellent cardiovascular fitness and overall health. By embracing individualized health assessments, we shift the focus from a narrow definition of weight to a more comprehensive understanding of what it means to be healthy. These assessments allow healthcare professionals to tailor recommendations and interventions to each individual's unique needs, promoting overall well-being and reducing the risk of developing chronic diseases. Furthermore, individualized health assessments empower individuals to take ownership of their own health. Instead of striving to fit into a predetermined weight category, they can work towards achieving their personal health goals and improving their overall quality of life. This approach fosters a positive and inclusive mindset, promoting body positivity and self-acceptance. In conclusion, the importance of individualized health assessments cannot be overstated. By debunking the myth of the ideal body weight and embracing a holistic approach to health, we can shift towards a more inclusive and empowering perspective. Let us prioritize individual well-being over arbitrary standards, and promote a society that values and supports the diverse ways in which people can be healthy.

A holistic approach to health beyond weight loss

When it comes to assessing health, it's crucial to move beyond the traditional focus on weight alone. While weight can be an indicator of health, it is not the sole determining factor. A holistic approach to health takes into account various aspects of well-being, including mental, emotional, and physical factors. In recent years, there has been a growing understanding that health is not solely determined by the number on the scale. People come in all shapes and sizes, and what is considered "ideal" for one person may not be the same for another. Body diversity is something to be celebrated, as it reflects the uniqueness of each individual. Focusing solely on weight can lead to a narrow perspective on health and may contribute to body dissatisfaction and disordered eating patterns. It is important to shift the narrative towards promoting overall well-being and self-acceptance, irrespective of one's body size. A holistic approach to health involves looking at various factors, such as nutrition, physical activity, mental and emotional well-being, sleep patterns, and stress management. By considering these elements, we can develop a more comprehensive understanding of what it means to be healthy. Embracing individual health means recognizing that each person has different needs, preferences, and abilities. It encourages us to listen to our bodies and prioritize self-care practices that work for us personally. It's about finding a balance that promotes overall well-being and allows us to thrive in our own unique way. By shifting our focus from weight-centric measurements to a more holistic approach, we can empower individuals to make informed choices that support their well-being. Let's debunk the myth of the ideal body weight and embrace a more inclusive and compassionate understanding of health.

Debunking the myth of the "perfect" body weight

In today's society, there seems to be an obsession with achieving the so-called "perfect" body weight. We are bombarded with images of models and celebrities who appear to have the ideal figure, leading many of us to believe that there is a one-size-fits-all standard for what constitutes a healthy body weight. However, the truth is that the concept of an ideal body weight is a myth. It is a construct created by insurance companies and popular culture that fails to take into account the complexities of individual health. The idea that there is a specific number on a scale that everyone should strive for is not only unrealistic, but it can also be harmful to our mental and physical well-being. Insurance tables, which often dictate what is considered a healthy weight, are based on outdated and generalized data. They fail to consider factors such as muscle mass, bone density, and overall body composition. Additionally, these tables do not take into account variations in genetics, metabolism, and lifestyle factors that can greatly influence a person's weight. Embracing the concept of individual health means shifting our focus away from arbitrary numbers on a scale and instead focusing on overall well-being. It means recognizing that health is not solely determined by body weight, but rather by factors such as blood pressure, cholesterol levels, blood sugar levels, and overall physical fitness. Instead of striving for an unattainable ideal, we should focus on adopting healthy habits that promote overall wellness. This includes engaging in regular physical activity, eating a balanced and nutritious diet, managing stress levels, and getting enough sleep. By prioritizing these aspects of our health, we can achieve a state of well-being that is unique to our individual bodies and needs. It is time to debunk the myth of the "perfect" body weight and embrace the concept of individual health. Let us shift our focus away from societal expectations and instead prioritize our own well-being. Remember, you are more than just a number on a scale – you are a complex and unique individual deserving of love, acceptance, and self-care.

The dangers of obsession with weight and body image

In a society where the media bombards us with images of what the "perfect" body should look like, it's no wonder that many individuals develop an unhealthy obsession with weight and body image. We are constantly reminded of the so-called ideal body weight through insurance tables, which categorize individuals based solely on their height and weight. However, it's important to debunk this myth and shift our focus towards embracing individual health instead. The dangers of obsessing over weight and body image are numerous and can have detrimental effects on both our physical and mental well-being. Constantly striving to achieve an unrealistic body weight can lead to extreme dieting, disordered eating patterns, and even eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia. These conditions not only pose serious health risks but also take a toll on our self-esteem and overall happiness. Moreover, the concept of the ideal body weight fails to take into account the diversity of body types and genetic variations that exist among individuals. Each person is unique, with different bone structures, muscle mass, and body compositions. Therefore, relying solely on weight as a measure of health is flawed and can lead to misdiagnosis or an inaccurate assessment of one's overall well-being. Instead of fixating on a number on the scale, it's crucial to shift our focus towards adopting healthy habits and embracing a holistic approach to wellness. This means nourishing our bodies with nutritious foods, engaging in regular physical activity that we enjoy, and prioritizing self-care and mental well-being. True health should not be determined by a number but rather by how we feel in our bodies and the overall balance we achieve in our lives. Let's break free from the societal pressures and myths surrounding the ideal body weight. Let's celebrate our bodies for their strength, resilience, and uniqueness. By embracing individual health and prioritizing self-love and acceptance, we can create a positive and empowering relationship with our bodies that transcends societal norms and fosters a healthier and happier life.

Embracing body positivity and self-acceptance

In a world that constantly bombards us with images of the "ideal" body, it's important to take a step back and embrace body positivity and self-acceptance. The notion of an "ideal" body weight has long been perpetuated by insurance tables and societal norms, but it's time to debunk this myth and focus on individual health instead. Body positivity is about celebrating and accepting all body types, shapes, and sizes. It's about recognizing that every body is unique and beautiful in its own way. When we embrace body positivity, we let go of the unrealistic expectations and judgments that society places on us. We no longer strive for a specific number on the scale or a particular clothing size. Instead, we focus on nourishing our bodies, taking care of our overall well-being, and embracing the strength and beauty that comes with being ourselves. Self-acceptance is an essential aspect of body positivity. It involves acknowledging and loving our bodies as they are, regardless of societal standards or external influences. It's about embracing our flaws and imperfections, understanding that they do not define our worth or beauty. When we practice self-acceptance, we cultivate a positive relationship with our bodies, which can lead to improved mental and emotional well-being. Read the full article

#BMImyth #bodyimage #bodypositivity #debunkingmyths #embracinguniqueness #healthyhabits #holisticwellness #idealbodyweight #individualhealth #lifestylechoices #mentalwell-being #physicalfitness #self-acceptance #societalpressures #weightobsession

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progressivemother · 9 months

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We teach equality not gender roles.

Many people are under the misconception that boys should be outside learning to throw a football instead of inside learning about housework and the opposite for girls. Both need to learn to be independent and do things on their own, both outside and inside the house.

These perceived gender norms impact our children's well-being. Children who chose ‘being tough’ as the most important trait for boys, or ‘having good clothes’ as the most important trait for girls, are shown to have the lowest well-being across the group. On the other hand, children who chose ‘working hard at school’ as the most important quality scored highest for well-being.

Gender roles in society can create certain expectations, and the pressure of gender stereotypes can often get ugly. Almost all the young people will hear jokes or comments being made about other people’s bodies or looks. Gender roles tend to be forced onto our children and it isn't good for their mental health.

Here are some ways my husband and I use to inspire our children to want better futures.

1. Talk about it.

We talk to our kids about gender equality and human rights. By talking to our kids about equality between the sexes and what still needs to be done for us to reach a gender-equal world, we’re setting them up to lead the way for a better future for all.

2. Share the care work.

From cooking and cleaning to working on vehicles and the yard, we set the example by equally dividing all housework and care in our home.

3. Embrace diverse role models.

Role models come in all shapes, sizes, genders, skin tones and cultural backgrounds. We encourage our children to embrace diversity, show them role models from different genders, ethnicity and colours. We remind them that they can be anything they want to be.

4. Empower our kids to speak out.

Young people around the world are stepping up for gender equality. When we empower and educate our children about human rights, we are ensuring a better future for us all. A few great ways we teach them to be assertive include teaching them emotional intelligence, listening to them, allowing them to choose how to decorate their rooms and choose their own outfits, asking instead if telling, cultivating their confidence, and modeling assertiveness. My daughter has become extremely sassy.

5. Fight stereotypes, including our own.

Gender is not about biological differences between the sexes, rather, it’s a social construct — people define what it means to be a boy or a girl, and these social conditioning often expect children to conform to specific and limiting gender roles and expectations from a young age.

Researchers say, children start absorbing stereotypes by age 3, causing the world to expand for boys and shrink for girls by age 10. That’s why we have to start conversations about gender roles early on. We all have unconscious gender biases. These are roles that we’ve internalized based on our society’s set expectations about how men and women should dress, behave and present themselves, and in some cases, what kind of work they should do. It’s in our hands to become aware of these biases and challenge the stereotypes that our children constantly encounter daily.

6. Stop the body shame.

Our world is constructed in a way that makes us compare ourselves to the beauty standards set by the media, culture and society. We constantly measure ourselves against other people and feel judged by our physical appearance. Body shaming is a learned behavior, so it’s important for us, as parents, to lead by example. We be careful not to be critical of body image, including our own, and reject sexist, negative stereotypes of unrealistic body standards. Fostering a body-positive lifestyle at home by showing our children that they are not defined by how they look, but by how they act will ultimately help their confidence in themselves and better their future. Don't get me wrong; healthy eating and exercise is still important.

Gender equality begins at home, and families are at the front lines of change. For the next generation, the examples set at home by us, other care-givers and extended family are shaping the way they think about gender and equality. We need to make sure they grow up knowing that everyone is equal and there isn't a set of standards for anyone.

#love #children #progressive #family #liberal #parenting #motherhood #progressive parenting

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maganne-bonete · 10 months

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In reference of my tired rambling from last night

I think I need to arrange my interpretation and headcanons over Gilded Helianthia as I may be one of the very few in the Empires fanbase who obsesses over these things. This is what happens when a historical hetalia fan becomes hooked with these fictional minecraft countries. (yes, Empires is abt people who rule over fictional minecraft countries and everything I will write about it is purely filled with headcanons.)

So to start, is to have a look into societal norms in Gilded Helianthia:

Helianthia, being an agriculture and warrior based society puts lot's of importance on the community and family considering that fields and farms are cared for by large families and communities together. The larger the family, the better.

It is expected for women, especially in rural places, to marry and have kids, and is seen as a responsibility. Even with Helianthia's more historically matriarchal culture and society.

Women are treated equally to men but marriage and having a family is expected.

This is also expected from men in Helianthia even in cities and in the capital. Getting married and having a family or a "sense" of family (not required to be "traditional" or het) is the norm.

They are a very extroverted and social culture. Being "alone" isn't seen as normal and you're expected to be with people.

Now, is this expected to be the norm with any of Helianthia's historic rulers? Is it expected when learning about their politics and history that ALL their queens and leaders are/were married and with families of their own?

There were queens who never married nor had children like queen Zoryana, Lyudmyla, and Halyna

The hero Nadiya from the independence war never married nor had any lovers. Several accounts confirms this from those who worked with her. After the war she just retired to the countryside and went back to working on her family's farm.

One of the renowned folklorist and poets of Helianthian history, Vasyl, lived mostly on his own and never had any lovers.

Historically, there have been people in Helianthia who never really met such expectations yet it's still something many people expect their kids to have once their older and of age.

This led to some claiming and comparing their lifestyles to the likes of Vasyl or Queen Halyna and the likes. (Basically, what I'm saying is that there are non-partnering people in their history but people are still stubborn on what they want from others.)

So, what about Pearl?

Pearl was a farm girl from a town in the countryside. In a typical canon, she is an only child. In the Gilded Sky au, she's siblings with Grian who's her older brother.

In the fic that I'm writing it's just gonna be from the typical canon. So, no Grian. Which would make her as her parents' only daughter and expected to get married and continue the line.

Her family and people of their province bordering the Overgrown nation are matrilineal in practice.

Not that she didn't had cousins but it's still what her mother would have wanted.

Her family has a long oral history from the times even before the independence war when the nation was still under Mythland.

But Pearl always felt alien to the idea of it. She read up on the lives of their queens and thought of making her parents proud of her in a different way.

She was ambitious and really cared for her people and nation.

She'd tell her mother this when she was still 15 and her mother was surprised since "We're only farm folk here, we can send you to the city to study if you liked but running to become queen is beyond the imagination. Our family might have been town chief or lieutenant in the past but queen is such a big ambition."

But it was something Pearl still insisted on.

So her mother and father tried supporting her on her decision while still bugging her on finding someone to marry.

She had to keep telling them that she's not interested or she just doesn't like the others from their town that way.

Maybe her standards are too high, she'd think. She doesn't find any of them attractive or anyone she'd consider marrying.

When she went to the capital to study for university, she was met with the Vasyl Society and the Zoryana Women's Org. From there she started having a better way to describe herself and tried explaining this to her family.

She's never been interested in anyone, and not that she thinks she will any time soon, and she has no plans of having any children.

Her parents then accepted this as a part of her and continues to support her on her studies.

Now for a fic plot.

I mean, all of that could be a fic plot. I have mentioned at one point that I hate or find queer stories of "realizing their sexuality" or "accepting who they are" like over done. I want queer stories where the person is just who they are and they've already been through that arc in their life.

(Although I am a hypocrite for planning a "accepting who they are" narrative for my hetalia fic but I want to make the excuse that it's because I'll be projecting as a filipino)

But I really couldn't think of any other plot that has her as the main focus, where she has long identified as Aro. (or something of the like in-universe)

The thing with Pearl, as much as how the fanbase doesn't want to admit it, narratively she's always a good supporting character to others and she has no actual major arc. Her arc, if she had any, was to realize that it was foolish to ever trust Xornoth and that her bestfriend was now hard to reach with the level of corruption he's in. And even then, it ends up with serving Saus' arc more than anything.

"But Marga, this is fandoms we're talking abt. This is where an oc or a side character could be turned into a main character if we wanted," you all might say to me.

True, why couldn't I just make Pearl the main character during the canon events? What if she discovered a cure for the corruption before Gem and Katherine and instead it even worked on Xornoth as she also intended in the canon? No binding ritual to a crystal or double suicide with his soul linked twin brother needed. Or that she was always with Scott? Or that while Scott had his own prophecy as the Champion of Aeor, there was also a prophecy in Gilded Helianthia? Truly very AU at this point. And there's nothing wrong with any of these ideas.

But then how do I write about her Aromanticism then?

I'm not into the idea of having Aro stories having to relate to someone who's attracted to them. This is why I'm not gonna have a story about Gem's feelings over Pearl and Pearl not liking her back. Or the need to juxtaposition it with her friends who are in relationships or are in the middle of yearning. And it's not like she's a partnering aro either. I kinda made that clear in this post.

I hope I'll eventually figure this out. Maybe take a bit of a break. Maybe I'm over thinking this.

#marge's stuff #marge's fic notes #also I guess just in general is that #if I were to write abt Pearl coming out to her parents there's just so much headcanons for people to go through #cause none of those other names I've mentioned who've come from Helianthia history aren't in the actual canon #I've made them up #and the tricky thing with writing abt her being aro in contrast with her friends or her confusion abt why are they like this #especially Saus and fWhip abt Jimmy and Scott respectively #is that THAT shipping I guess #not that those ships don't exist in the fanbase #but it's cause I'm not sure how to properly write it with keeping the main theme in mind #I don't want the ships to take away what Pearl's experiencing #idk maybe I'm overthinking all this #either that or that I'm too scared to write this now #Idk I'll figure this out #rant in the tags

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college-girl199328 · 1 year

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The Orillia-based physician has served as OMA president for the past year, advocating on behalf of Ontario physicians, residents, and the healthcare system, and in recent weeks she has travelled to Queen’s Park, Sudbury, Ottawa, Hamilton, and elsewhere to learn from fellow doctors and meet with government officials.

Across the province, backlogged surgeries, doctor shortages, and even emergency room closures have become the norm following the pandemic.

In her 20 years of experience as a physician, Zacharias said she has never seen the healthcare system in this state. “I've been an emergency department doctor for 20 years, and (I) never thought see the day where we would be closing emergency department doors, but this happened over this last year,” she told OrilliaMatters. “I have never seen our healthcare system in a state like this.”

When the provincial budget was released in March, Zacharias with Premier Doug Ford and Minister of Health Sylvia Jones. She highlighted three key issues that need to be addressed: access to palliative care, the province’s surgical backlog, and the doctor shortage.

There was backlogged throughout the province, ranging from hip replacements to cataract surgeries, as surgeries were delayed through the pandemic.

Hospitals are struggling to meet demand in other areas as well. While in Sudbury, Zacharias said the city’s hospital had 36 of 37 emergency room beds.

“It's really straining the healthcare ability to provide good care, and (what) comes with it is a degree of distress on behalf of physicians,” she said.

“We really have a deep moral conviction to do right by our patients and care for them in the best way possible, but when you have a place to effectively evaluate a patient in an emergency department, you get by with what you have – and less than ideal.”

High occupancy rates in hospital beds are the result of compounding issues, Zacharias said, pointing out that a lack of palliative care resources has led to many end-of-life patients occupying acute care beds in hospitals.

“This is really stressful for patients and caregivers, and poor use of healthcare resources,” she spends about $208 million a year on dying, who are waiting for a bed in a more appropriate setting.

“We need to take the money that we currently spend on end-of-life patients who these acute care hospital beds and spend it instead on providing care in home and community settings," she suggested.

Over one million Ontarians are currently without a family doctor, Zacharias said, adding early retirements and administrative burdens are compounding the shortage.

“We need to both find more doctors and keep the ones we have by reducing the administrative burden, which is one of the leading causes of physician burnout,” Zacharias said, noting physicians can spend an entire day per week on paperwork.

“We actually think the doctor shortage is expected to grow as a large number of physicians are approaching retirement age, and then others retire early or even scale back their practices because of burnout, so this must be an urgent priority," Zacharias stressed.

A big part of the solution is finding ways to get more doctors now and increasing the supply of doctors in the future. She said hundreds of internationally trained physicians in the province practise yet.

“We know there are several hundred … internationally trained physicians that are currently in limbo, requiring documentation, need to write some exams and do some assessments,” she said, agreeing that you need to be evaluated if you harbour received your education … in Ontario, in Canada, but that can be expedited.”

For long-term solutions, Zacharias said more medical schools, student spots, and residency positions to be created. In February, the federal government announced nearly $74 billion in Ontario’s healthcare system over the next decade; Zacharias said the investment is not enough to address the province’s issues.

She said the OMA called for the federal government to increase its spending to 35 percent of Ontario’s needs, noting it has been as low as 22 percent in recent years when the original agreement was a 50-50 split.

“It's less than expected, and it is less than needed to address the gaps and stabilize our healthcare system going forward,” Zacharias said. “We spend enough money in Canada on health care. The recent federal deals are … a good downpayment … but not enough to build long-term, sustainable health care into the future.”

At the provincial level, too, Zacharias said she has seen progress in the 2023 budget, but there is still a need to move forward. “We did see a commitment to home care and community care, which is good. We did see a commitment around mental health and addictions care, more team-based community care when it comes to mental health and addictions,” she said.

“Where I would like to see more emphasis is on access to primary care … definitely an area I think could use more focus term as OMA president on May 5.

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janice1303 · 2 years

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Gender roles and societal expectations

Rochelle Lobo

MC216055

We witness gender stereotyping every day, but how many of us truly notice? How much of it is so ingrained into our culture and psyche that we are simply blind to it?

They are forms of unconscious bias which allows us to make sense of the world around us by categorizing everything we see from gender to sexuality to race.

In today’s generation there’s a lot more acceptance and support in breaking stereotypes and norms that revolve around the topic or gender roles.

But dating back to a few decades or even a few years it wasn’t easy for people to express their selves and fit in society due to the unrealistic expectations or ancestors left for us.

Gender stereotyping is an overgeneralization of the differences between certain groups based on their characteristics or attributes and they serve to reinforce the idea that each gender and the behaviors associated with it are binary.

Gender roles are stereotypes regarding attitudes, attributes and actions imposed on men and women based on gender. These kinds of preconceptions are usually harmful to society yet, understanding what they are and their history is crucial to overcoming them.

It perpetuates inequality and greatly affects minorities that may not be in the position to reject these stereotypes.

Gender stereotyping is harmful when it limits women’s or men’s capacity to develop their personal abilities, pursue their professional careers and make choices about their lives and life plans. It is wrongful when it results in a violation of human rights and fundamental freedoms.

Stereotypes create a disconnect in the minds of those observing the behavior of a particular individual when, in an attempt to ascertain their gender, they perceive the behavior as not in line with what they expect. This can lead to discrimination and unfair treatment across various aspects of an individual’s life. It can also influence a young person’s experience and subject of choice.

An example for this is the failure to criminalize marital rape based on the stereotype of women as a sexual property of men. Another is the failure of the justice system to hold perpetrator of sexual violence accountable based on stereotypical views about women’s appropriate sexual behavior.

A common stereotype is that women should be nurturing mothers and caregivers while men should be strong and the provide for their families. While this may not sound too bad, it can lead to bring excessive burden with social responsibilities.

Unrealistic gender standards have set a toxic example to generations leading them to think its normal to experience certain traits.

Gender norms affect women in various detrimental ways. The ‘purity culture’ is just one example. This occurs when a woman is taught that her value lies solely in her sexual purity and virginity. Our society perpetuates many double standards where men get a free pass for their sexual behavior, while women are judged and earn a negative reputation.

The strict grooming and rules combine to reinforce the patriarchal control over a woman’s body. They have been led to believe that certain jobs were not meant for them and are therefore restricted to be associated with anything related to it. They are expected to be soft in nature, respectable in society and experts in ‘household’ chores. Being ‘perfect’ and ‘presentable’ starts at a very early age where girls are confined to a certain ideology to retain femininity so that she grows up to fit into the unrealistic expectation of a woman that the patriarchy has set.

Abuse both verbal and physical, women especially in some Indian households are said to bare all the toxicity of dealing with certain abuse because of what other people will think.

Men or boys openly expressing emotion is often viewed as a weakness or something inherently ‘feminine’. These beliefs have been linked to significant negative outcomes for males such as aggression and violence. Although power, privilege and sexism often confer certain benefits to men, it can also force them into a narrow set of roles.

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ah5009meganfox · 2 years

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Question – Compare and contrast two artworks that address subjects related to the domestic sphere

The domestic sphere and the oppression that comes paired with this has plagued women for thousands of years and we reflect this in our artwork. Using the storytelling capabilities of Animation to portray the harm this causes women and stops them from following opportunities in life as they are expected to do what is told of them. I will be discussing the two animated films, Mulan(1998) and Brave(2012), both by Walt Disney Pictures, of which the animation follows a protagonist going against the grain and against the stereotype that their families expect them to follow, expecting them to live a life contributing to this domestic sphere.

This ideology of the public sphere and Private Sphere, of which women should only remain in the latter, was prominent in the 18th century and onwards but dates back even to the Ancient Greeks, as Aristotle spoke of the two separate spheres in Greek Society(1). These ideologies are ways to control women and playing on the misogynistic views that women are less intelligent and therefore should be less in control of society as they are not equipped, which is still a prevalent problem today as too many people still hold such harmful views, which is why these movies are so important.

Beginning with Mulan(1998), an animated film based on the ancient Chinese folk story The Ballad of Mulan, we see a young woman being prepared to find a husband, being she is too skinny, which is not good for bearing sons and that she must only speak when given permission. Phrases like this aiming to teach Mulan that her entire value is placed on her being a wife and a mother, that her alone, holds little value. Mulan(1998) is based in the North and South dynasties of China between 420 and 589 BC, during these times, the domestic sphere and gender roles were very much the norm. The major tale of the story progresses when we see a war breaks out, one man from each family must fight, the only man in Mulan’s family is her elderly father who she warns will not make it through the battle, but down to these gender rolled laws, she can do little to help. This is when she goes to the extents of cutting off her hair and disguising herself as a man, to fight in her father’s place. This cutting of the hair is very symbolic, showcasing how she is separating herself from these gender roles, she is stepping out of this domestic sphere that has controlled her life thus far.

Brave(2012) also follows the story of a young woman going against her families wishes. The protagonist, Merida is the oldest daughter of King Fergus, so is expected to be wed soon by a husband of her parents choosing as to continue the royal family line. Brave is set in Scotland around the 10th century and as we know as in The Middle Ages women could marry as young as 12(2). At this time Medieval Scotland was a Patriarchal Society, women (even those of nobility) would be expected to follow and be obedient to their father, and later to their husband. Most marriages of this time were not marriages of love, parents arranged these marriages, especially in the cases of royalty, marriages would be to benefit politically and to gain dynasty and money.

The animation of Brave(2012) focuses heavily on the split in the relationship between Merida and her mother. This relationship finding strain due to Merida’s wish to not follow this path of remaining in the domestic sphere, as her mother did. It is often observed that each consecutive generation is less tolerating of the patriarchy and its gender roles, as it follows the cycle of learning from your mother, viewing the oppression around you and forming anger towards this and then teaching the next generation to tolerate this even less. Often the previous generation (even if they do not like the oppression around them), have still been brainwashed and socialised by this and will still hold some traditional views, therefore finding the extent of how the next generation tries to move away from this, too extreme for them(3). We view this with Merida and her mother, they struggle as to see each other’s perspectives.

Bibliography

1 https://arabiabooks.co.uk/separate-spheres/

2 https://www.getty.edu/news/what-was-life-like-for-women-in-the-middle-ages/

3 https://www.jstor.org/stable/2149630

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