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spookyjuicefiction · 7 months

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Violets & Plums: Astarion/Tav, Part 3

Part 2 Masterlist

A/N: still no clue what to name this fic tbh. CW for Astarion's back story/Cazador bullshit, and there's a bit of nudity that gets spicy

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Astarion barely said a word the entire day. It was a boring one; the group had decided to circle back to the druids' grove to confront Kagha about some evidence they found that she was working with shadow druids. Additionally, they wanted to re-up on supplies before mounting their final attack on the goblin camp. This meant a long day of walking and retracing old steps.

Personally, Astarion could not care less what Kagha was doing with the grove. He didn't see why it was any of their business if she wanted to kick the tieflings out and lock things down, but of course, Tav disagreed. Not only did Tav have a bleeding heart for apparently all wretched creatures, but she had Karlach in her ear begging her to make sure the orphaned tiefling children were safe. There was no point in arguing, since everyone else aside from Lae'zel seemed to agree.

Besides, Astarion had decided that the only way to deal with his unfortunate new Tav problem was to ignore her entirely as much as possible. If he just didn't speak to her, she wouldn't be able to read him and he wouldn't have the stomach flipping issue. He had a new mantra that he kept repeating in his mind. Get Halsin. Get to the creche. Remove tadpole. Be on his merry way. No more Tav.

But even as he repeated it to himself, he couldn't shake the possessive feeling that had risen in him at the sight of his bite marks on her neck. Mine. Her arms wrapped around him. Her breath in his ear. The scent of violet and plums. Get Halsin. Get to the creche. Remove tadpole. Steal Tav away. No more others. Just them.

Fuck.

"Here's the stream. We're about halfway there." Wyll called over his shoulder from the front of the pack.

"Thank the gods, I want to shower off that nasty bog smell!" Karlach darted forward, her large body clearing a path for everyone behind her to walk through.

"A rinse would do this wizard good," Gale agreed, looking to Tav. "Shall we stop for an hour or so?"

"I don't think there's any stopping Karlach, anyway," Tav chuckled, dropping her pack on the edge of the stream. The tiefling was already throwing her clothes off over her shoulder, leaving a trail of boots and belts behind her.

"There's a waterfall!" Karlach cried, and as the rest of the group caught up, Astarion could see her already splashing her way over to it. Wyll, Lae'zel, and Shadowheart were quick behind her, stripping down to their underwear and splashing each other as they sank into the rushing water (Lae'zel and Shadowheart splashing each other with particular aggression).

"Gods, this feels good on my engine," sighed Karlach. The waterfall ran over her turned into a giant cloud of steam.

"Maybe I can hug you if you're standing under there!" Tav said excitedly. Astarion averted his eyes as she removed her clothes and waded over to her friend. Why is she always hugging everyone?

Next to Astarion, Gale picked his way gingerly through the shallow part of the stream until he settled himself in up to his chest.

"It really does feel quite nice," the wizard informed him, clearly confused as to why Astarion was still fully dressed and standing tensely on the bank. Astarion shot him a dark look.

Wyll floated back over to Astarion and Gale, sighing dreamily. "Ah, women. Is there any sight better?"

The three of them looked quietly as the four girls laughed raucously under the waterfall. Even Lae'zel was in on the fun, an uncharacteristic smile across her unusual features. Astarion swallowed thickly as his eyes fell on Tav, her skin slick and shining under the rushing water. Her sheer joy almost choked him with its purity. He turned away.

"I'm going to find some privacy," he told the men pointedly so that they wouldn't try to follow him. He wasn't in the mood for a boys club atmosphere with those two.

A few meters away, Astarion at last toed off his boots and removed his clothing and gear, folding them neatly on a tree trunk before wading into the stream. He scrubbed himself with his bergamot soap, sighing as he realized how stiff his shoulders were and how sore his feet and legs were. He leaned back and dunked his blonde curls, using his fingers to scrub through the grime.

Suddenly, he heard splashing coming towards him and he instinctively ducked so that the water covered up to his chin. Infuriatingly, it was Tav wading towards him.

"Hi," she said with a smile.

"What do you want?" he felt defensive and vulnerable with his clothes off; it made him snippy. She cocked her head at him, but the smile didn't falter.

"I'm sorry, I've intruded on you," she observed. "I only wanted to see if you were alright. You've been so quiet today I rather thought a monster hunter had stolen you away."

"I'm fine," he snapped. Her gentle tone made his teeth grind. He wished she would kneel further into the water so that he couldn't see so much of her, as it was very distracting.

"My, you're awfully acidic today. If hunger's the cause, you can come and feed on me again tonight." She said it so casually, as though she told him he could borrow a cup of sugar. He gaped at her. "Not as much as last time, though, I need my strength for tomorrow. I'll make sure to eat a big dinner, too." The last bit she said more to herself than to him, and then looked at him expectantly.

"I - uh - alright," he replied uncertainly. He hated how much he wanted it. Hated that it was physically impossible for him to say no. Hated that she was so bloody nice about it all.

She smiled. "Brilliant. I'll leave you to your primping, then."

Once they had all dried off in the afternoon sun, they set off again. It took all of Astarion's strength not to let his eyes rove over Tav's body as she lay bathed in the radiant light. He chose instead to focus on attempting to inflict psychic damage on Gale, who was letting his eyes rove plainly and with reckless abandon for his own life and safety.

When they finally reached the grove, Astarion realized how critical it in fact was that Tav had offered to let him drink from her. After confronting Kagha and disposing of the shadow druids, the chastised elf had offered them sleeping arrangements to stay in the grove for the night. Within the confines of the grove, Astarion would not be able to hunt, as all animals were sacred to the druids. And, honestly, he wouldn't be able to tell which ones were actually druids in wildshape. He didn't fancy picking a fight with one of these nut jobs.

Then came the selection of sleeping arrangements. Each room had two beds, which meant there would be an odd one out. Astarion obviously expected to be the spare, guessing Wyll and Gale would take one room and the girls would pair off. He stood off from the group as they discussed the arrangements, and turned to face Tav when she came to break the news. But again, she surprised him.

"Me and you, then?"

"I... what?"

"Lae'zel has elected to to sleep on the ground because 'beds are too comfortable'," Tav explained. "And, considering our plans for the evening, it makes sense."

Over her head, Astarion could see Karlach and Shadowheart whispering to one another and looking in their direction, smiling devilishly.

"Quite."

If Astarion had ever been inclined to believe in a god before, he knew definitively in this moment that they had all abandoned him. Confined to a private room with Tav, where they had every intention of entering an intimate situation. He might as well just stake himself in the middle of this hallway.

"Our room will be this way." Tav picked up her pack and gestured for him to follow, which he had no choice but to do. The room was simple and bare; druids were not known for great finery. But it was clean and smelled of cedar wood and fresh flowers. Admittedly, Astarion was rather looking forward to sleeping in a proper bed for the first time since he was abducted.

His eyes taking in the room snagged on her, standing awkwardly.

"I'm going to change clothes," she explained.

"Ah, right, of course." He turned away from her, pretending to inspect the bed. The candle on her side of the room cast her shadow on the wall next to him as she unlaced her jerkin and pulled her cotton shirt over her head. As she turned, he could see the silhouette of her breasts as she heaved a deep breath. Astarion raked his hand through his hair and busied himself unlacing his own boots.

After a few more quiet moments, she spoke softly: "Okay, I'm finished. I'm ready when you are."

Astarion closed his eyes to steel himself for a quick moment before turning to face her. She was laying on the bed wearing a thin tunic and smoothing her hair off of her neck. She had pulled the blanket haphazardly over her, but he could see the top of her thigh poking out; it did not seem that she was wearing any pants. Gods, hadn't he seen enough of her naked flesh today? The sight made him feel as though he was blushing, even though there was no warmth to his skin.

Slowly, he stalked over to her bedside, and she looked up at him with a frown.

"Perhaps I should lay on the floor? I don't want to spill blood on the bed."

"Don't worry about that, darling. I will ensure none is spilled. Just... make yourself comfortable."

She seemed satisfied at this, and settled back, turning her head so that her previously punctured neck was exposed. Now it was he that hesitated.

"I... would you rather I sit on the edge of the bed and lay across you, or hold myself over you like I did last time?" One way required him laying on her chest, but the other would almost certainly require him planting his knee between her legs to hold himself at the right angle.

"Oh," she sounded surprised, and a blush crept up her neck as she made the same realizations. "uhm, whatever is more comfortable for you."

Astarion wanted to laugh. He had never been so uncomfortable in his life. At least in Cazador's dungeon, he usually had an idea of what was coming next. Ultimately, he decided to sit on the side of the bed, and he sank himself down next to her.

"Not too much," she reminded him, and he nodded, putting his hand over his heart to show his sincere promise.

Well, here goes nothing.

He leaned into her, and her scent overtook him instantly. He parted his lips to her pulse point and felt her swallow, preparing herself. He lined his fangs up to the previous punctures, and slowly sank into her neck.

At the first taste of her blood to his tongue, he was completely and utterly lost. His hands clutched at her warm body beneath her as he grew dizzy with the scent he was coming to know as uniquely hers. It sang to him like a siren song, coaxing his hands to move on their own accord, clawing at the hem of her tunic and clutching at that thigh skin that had taunted him moments earlier. She gasped, and he thought he might be hurting her, but her hand flew to the back of his head and knotted in his hair. He moaned as she fingered his silver curls, her other hand rubbing up and down his forearm.

Everything was blurring together. He wasn't sure when he withdrew his fangs, but the next moment he was licking the rivulets of blood that ran from the punctures they left behind. Now it was she who moaned, still clutching him, pressing her body against him. He lavished her neck until the blood stopped running, but he couldn't tear himself away. He began nipping, sucking, and kissing his way up her neck, catching her earlobe, and then slowly crossing her jaw bone.

"Astarion," she choked out, her voice a breathy whisper in his ear. He pulled back immediately.

"I'm sorry," he gasped. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

But the hand still tangled in his hair firmly pulled his face to hers, crashing their lips together in a searing kiss.

That was it. He was completely broken. He opened his mouth hungrily, drinking her in. Their teeth clashed with the desperate need to be closer, to feel each other, their frenzied desire burning hot fire into his lifeless body. He felt her hands tugging his shirt untucked and roaming her hands over the skin beneath, and he did the same. Warm. Soft. He broke the kiss only long enough to tear her tunic off. He hesitated only the briefest of seconds before discarding his own shirt. Fuck it, he thought. It's just a fucking scar.

He dove back into the crook of her neck, their naked chests crashing blissfully together as he lavished her with kisses everywhere he could see. Her skin was so hot, he couldn't believe Karlach was the only one with an infernal engine in her chest. Astarion had been cold for so, so long. For the first time in 200 years, he felt alive.

This thought sobered him, and he slowed his kisses. He was afraid to get to the next part. She was so perfect, so beautiful and soft and warm. She deserved good things. He wasn't good. He was damaged beyond repair. He was a killer, a monster, no matter what she said on the matter.

He didn't realize how still he'd gone as this panicked thought grasped him until he felt her hands stroking gently across his face, their foreheads pressed together.

"Are you alright?" she whispered, caressing him.

Astarion opened his mouth, but he couldn't speak. He didn't even know what to say. Didn't want to hurt her, didn't want to ruin the moment even more so than he already had. He let out a sigh he hadn't realized he was holding.

He conjured an image in his mind of a request, one that he was too ashamed to vocalize because it was so pathetic. Then, he gently prodded at her tadpole. With their foreheads together, it felt like they were tapping on opposite sides of a window pane. She connected to him, and he showed her the image.

"Of course," she whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

She rearranged herself and motioned for him to lay down. He lay his head on her shoulder, face in the crook of her neck, and wrapped his arms around her waist. She took him in her arms, gently caressing his shoulders with her fingertips, and kissed the top of his head. After a few minutes of silence, she whispered again into the flickering candlelight.

"You don't have to share anything with me. But if you want to talk about what you're feeling, you can tell me anything. You're safe with me."

Astarion felt, of all things, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. He swallowed and blinked them away, hugging her even tighter, if possible. Instinctively, he reached for a joke to distract from his discomfort. But it died in his throat as she continued with her gentle ministrations. There was something sobering about the dim light in the room that made him feel bare. He didn't want to lie to her. And he did feel safe with her.

"When I was under Cazador's control," he began slowly, "he made me do a lot of terrible things. I... was forced to use my body to lure victims for him." Her hand stilled for a moment as the shock of this revelation hit her, but she continued her caresses. '"He sent me out to find the most beautiful creatures in Baldur's Gate, and to ruin them. The things I've done..." he trailed off, eyes stinging again, "my body, it's tainted. It's a weapon. And I killed so many."

He lifted his head to look at her. Her lip was trembling. "I'm afraid to ruin you."

After a moment, she seemed to compose herself enough to speak. "You are not tainted. You were a slave, and you did what you had to do to survive, and because you had no choice. Gods, you are -" she huffed out a breathless laugh that lacked mirth, "- you are so beautiful, Astarion. And really and truly brilliant. You could never hurt me. I am safe with you." She cupped his chin in her hand and used her thumb to swipe a tear from his cheek, looking deeply into his eyes.

"You are not a monster."

Astarion pressed his face into her chest, unable to handle the kindness of her words. He didn't deserve them, but he wanted so badly to believe her.

"Thank you," he all but whispered, pressing a kiss to her skin. "No one has ever had a kind word for me. You're the only one."

"Get used to it." She squeezed his shoulders and resumed her gentle caresses. "And when we get to Baldur's Gate, we're going to kill Cazador."

Astarion chuckled. He wondered if Tav, in all her research, had any idea of how hard it would be to kill a vampire lord. But it was so like her to believe that she could, and he let her. He even allowed himself to envision the fantasy where Cazador was destroyed, and he would finally and truly be free. It almost ached, how much he wanted it to be true. Beneath his head, he felt her sigh, as though she were drifting off to sleep.

"Sweet dreams, my dearest one," he whispered as the candle flickered out, allowing her warmth to lull him into a sleep of his own.

Part 4

#astarion #astarion x tav #astarion fanfic #astarion x you #astarion x reader #baldurs gate astarion #astarion angst #astarion fluff #astarion trauma #astarion ancunin #astarion and tav #wip fic

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curiositydooropened · 2 months

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Ranged • 00: Prologue

After Hell brought Horror to the Heartland, America’s dirt roads and open woods began to fall to rot and ruin. To prevent further inter dimensional slips, the government dispatched several workers, such as yourselves, to travel the country saving small communities.

Pairing: special agent!Steve Harrington x special agent!Reader

Wordcount: 922 - This fic is episodic.

Warnings: very slowburn, coworkers to lovers, angst, hurt/comfort, canon-typical violence, canon-typical gore, weapons, fighting, murder, viruses, decay, monsters *This chapter contains mentions of animal harm, blood, and vomit/nausea.

This blog is 18+ only. I do not give permission for any of my fics to be duplicated, reposted, or put into AI. Thank you!

Navigation • Masterlist

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Moodboard • Episode 01: Firetower

Blood shone in thick, dark splatters across a freckled cheekbone. It stuck his hair to his ear and his collar to his throat. It stained a shoulder. You watched it glimmer under street lamps, watched the clench of his knuckles around the steering wheel, watched the bob of his Adam’s apple as he avoided your gaze.

There was no point saying it anymore, the words exhausted their meaning a year ago, but it was true nonetheless. You can’t save everyone. You both knew it. It didn’t hurt less.

You mopped at the blood splatter on your own cheeks with a spare t-shirt to flirt a discount out of the motel attendant. He slid you a key on a novelty ring while Steve parked on the far side of the lot.

You’d set the phone on its receiver by the time he exited the shower. You rinsed bloody clothes in the sink and brushed your teeth and slipped into an oversized t-shirt. You couldn’t remember who it belonged to. Maybe you’d picked it up at a thrift store along the way.

“Owens?” He asked, voice gruff, eyes red. A claw mark dug into the flesh of his cheek, to the bone.

You reached into your duffle for the first aid kit to procure ointment and a butterfly bandage. “Sit.”

He sighed, but did as instructed, towel falling to his shoulder. He winced as you patted ointment into his wound. “Did he say where to go next?”

You nodded, pressing his flesh together until it wrinkled near his eye. “Small town in Western Montana. Locals think it’s the water supply. Park ranger called it in.”

“How far?”

“Eight hours.” You zipped the kit closed and wedged it back into your bag.

“Okay,” he muttered, tossing his towel into a corner near the sink. He stretched sore muscles with a groan, and you watched the bruise on his ribs bloom in greens and browns. The swelling was down significantly from two days earlier. “We’ll leave first thing.”

He meant first light. You glanced out a fogged window at the glow of street lamps. The vacancy sign buzzed bright red. The sky remained dark just beyond.

“Okay.” You sighed and toed under linens that had yellowed years ago.

Steve triple checked the lock and toted his bat from the nook near the front door to his bedside. Then, he pulled his lighter from his pants pocket and shook it to his ear. By the look on his face, it needed a refill. He placed it to the bedside table between you, just beside the Bible.

“Are you okay?” He’d asked it four times already, a compulsion you’d learned to ignore.

“Yes.” You knew better than to reciprocate, knew he wouldn’t answer you anyway. You had minimal sleep hours left. It wasn’t worth the fight. You can’t save everyone.

“I’m going to turn the light out.” He warned, sliding himself into his own double bed. A large hand reached beneath an orange lampshade and the room went dark.

The darkness was spotted orange and blue, and you fought back the images of Steve’s fists meeting and elderly man’s face. You fought back the screams that rang in your ears, the copper taste on your tongue, and that pang that lay permanent in your nostrils.

Steve shifted in his bed, springs groaning beneath his weight, and you honed in on him instead. Every night, you fell asleep to the steady in and out of his breath, the comfort of him an arm’s length away.

—

The ranger’s uniform matched the coffee and cream in your styrofoam cup. The confusion knit between his brows matched those of dozens of local law enforcement across this country over the last year. You flashed you badges and asked him to take a seat, and hours later you were holding your hand over your nose to mask the smell of decay.

The corners of Steve’s mouth pulled upwards in a grim apology, sipping his own coffee.

A room full of National Guardsmen looked aghast. There was no guarantee a burn of that size could stay contained. Half of the state could be up in flames by the end of the week.

“Better than the alternative.” You promised.

The Spread started on a cattle ranch north of town, the herd dwindling as calves and heifers slipped into cracks and broke legs and necks. A large crevasse rotted through a patch in the back forty, splitting the land down the middle from government land near to the rancher’s estate.

On the back side, it seeped into the river. Trees were downed and turned to mush and rot. Where once sat a hunting perch, now folded into a vat in the ground.

The Ranger had taken you up by four-wheeler, an excursion neither of you had been prepared for in slacks and blazers. You supposed those were hazards of the job though, wading through the remnants of a hillside in nylon stockings.

Steve rolled the cuffs of his sleeves up past his elbows to dive into the meat of a fallen tree. It came back green and gooey, but nothing had nest inside. Not yet, at least.

“You called just in time,” he wiped his hand on his pant leg and you dry heaved a little.

“So this… virus,” the Ranger gestured to the pocket of melted flesh, root to branch, “it can infect humans too?”

“If it festers too long,” you nodded.

“And what might that look like?” He asked like he already knew the answer.

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[A/N: Here she is. These two have been my new best friends lately, the one thing I've written that actually stuck because it felt good. Let's hope it stays that way so I can keep riding this train. I don't know how often I'll update this, but it'll be on-going. I'd love to write blurbs, and I have a few episode locations/monsters in mind.

I'd really appreciate it if you reblogged and/or left me a comment. Or if you're more inclined, head to my Ao3 and leave me a comment there. It'd really mean the whole world. xoxoxo]

#stranger things #steve harrington #steve harrington fic #stranger things fic #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington angst #steve harrington hurt/comfort #steve harrington slowburn #amanda's wips #wip fic #ranged fic

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connecting-the-stars · 7 months

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#thinking about them #all the time #i love them!!!#thoughts aloud #teen wolf #photos from pinterest #twedit #tw meme #meme #teen wolf memes #teen wolf liam #liam dunbar #theo reaken #text post #Thiam #teen wolf thiam #Thiam memes #wip fic #made in Freeform app

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fortheloveofexy · 1 year

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hi im in pain

#aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #andrew minyard #aaron minyard #twinyards #wip fic #wip fanfic #more than words

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gelatosushix · 5 months

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#I promise I am also working on chapter 6!!#just got sidetracked by this fanart idea #wip art #for a #wip fic #digital sketch #inumaki toge #jujutsu kaisen #heian era au #bodyguard au #under the blossom snow #ottoge #inuokko #toge x yuuta

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whatdoidosatoru · 2 months

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Sleeping In

PART 3 of The Only Exception

- part 1 - part 2 - part 4 - ao3

pairing: Keisuke Baji x OC (reader)

wc: 4.6k

tags: smut, fluff, no use of y/n, some back story (talk of cheating etc..), oral sex (m and f receiving), this chapter is actually pretty mild, sorry :)

summary: after another night of shenanigans with Keisuke, he cleared his schedule to spend a day with me

music:

Absolutely (Story About a Girl) - Nine Days

The Great Escape - Boys Like Girls

Coffee at Midnight - Stand Atlantic

Always - Panic! At The Disco

Church - Fall Out Boy

Sarah Smiles - Panic! At The Disco

Memories Of A Broken Heart - Crown The Empire

Sleeping In - All Time Low

Always - blink-182

MDNI! 18+ ONLY!

I rolled over after what seemed to be a very short nap to find Keisuke with a very focused face holding a book from beside my bed.

“Everything okay?” I seemed to have snapped him out of his focus.

“Oh, yeah, this is just a bit weird."

I chuckled, “Yeah, it’s quite different. One of the main themes is reinvention of oneself and writing one’s own story. Meaning, in storytelling, you can reshape your life and constantly move from one self to the other and so on. If you want, you can borrow it, I’ve read it twice already.” He put the book away and slid back down to meet me for a kiss.

“Maybe later, I like the person I am with you now.” He pushed my hair out of my face.

“Uhh so,” I started, clearing my throat, “What was that ‘all mine’ business?”

His face turned serious, “Did you not like it? I’m sorry if it was too much…”

“No, no, it’s not that,” I quickly stopped him, “I was just wondering what that meant to you.”

“I thought it seemed kind of obvious?”

“Let’s pretend it’s not and I’d like you to clarify.”

With a sharp inhale I stared at his face. I couldn’t say I hadn’t thought about it. There’s a certain satisfaction in fantasising about a relationship with a person you’ve only seen in a public space once and couldn’t forget their face. But this was different, he was really here, physically and emotionally, asking me to trust him and let him in.

He sat up and I followed, both completely naked and vulnerable.

"I want to be with you. I want you to be mine and nobody else’s. I really like you, to the point that I don’t know how I survived those 28 hours between leaving and seeing you again, having the confirmation that I was just overthinking things. I want to be the only person to do these things with you. I want to take you out on dates and then come back home with you and hold you until we fall asleep,” he shook his head, breaking eye contact, “and now that I said all this I really hope you feel somewhat the same because if you don’t I might just lose my mind.”

All I could hear was a faraway voice in my head, repeating a mantra that had kept me from living my life the way I was supposed to.

You’re so obsessed with me and naive, no wonder I could sneak around and bed a different girl every night and still come back to you to take me in. Are you so stupid that you can’t see that we have been over for months now? I just kept you around so your cunt can be useful to me.

Keisuke sighed, reaching to touch my face. “Then I guess I’ll have to try harder to get to know you,” he said with a smile, “I’m not giving up on you, Yuna. I know we’re going to be good together, I can just feel it in my bones. Whatever I can do to help you see it, I’ll do it.”

“Keisuke…” his eyes locked onto mine.

“...I’m not sure you thought this through enough. You don’t really know me, you don’t know what a mess my head is in. I want to say yes and it felt right saying I was yours, but I’m afraid we’d rush into it and ruin everything.”

“Can we just watch something first?” I asked.

“Can you be naked while we watch?” His mouth showed a devilish grin.

“Pervert.” I playfully smacked his shoulder, then leaned over to kiss his soft lips, digging my hand into his hair, now in a very loose ponytail. He bit my lower lip, took out the hair bobble, and shook his hair out. I got up to position my laptop on the desk so we could see the screen and put on one of my favourite series.

When I got back to bed, Keisuke wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head,

“I’m still going to call you mine until you tell me to fuck off.” I didn’t think that could ever be an option.

Mai Darling, 21:33

i’m going to sleep, getting up early to finish my research paper so you can get spicy wherever

just please don’t do it in the kitchen

i don’t want your sex particles in my food

Yunaaaaasty, 21:34

good night my darling i hope we dont wake you later <3

Mai Darling, 21:34

you’d better not or i’ll rip your boyfriend’s dick off :D

Yunaaaaasty, 21:34

:’(

Mai Darling, 21:35

thought so, good night and stay safe lovebirds <3

Huh. Boyfriend.

Something about the notion felt safe and comforting. But that was just a recipe to get hurt again. Especially after last time…

“I’ll be out late, don’t wait up,” the voice on the other end of the line said. My heart sank, this had been happening for months now, we never saw each other, apart from him sneaking through my window in the dead of night, waking me up for a quick fuck and then passing out, disappearing before I woke up. Whenever I wanted to bring up the fact that we didn’t spend time together anymore, that I was losing interest in him because we didn’t even talk, he’d wave it off. “I told you I was busy, what more do you want from me?”

Mai had told me to break it off with him, he wasn’t worth crying over, he didn’t care about me, and I’d find someone who would actually make an effort with me. “Don’t be dumb, Yuna, he’s a little weasel. He’s always seemed a little bit off to me, and you can’t even deny it! You only started liking him because it felt good being with a bad boy at the time. Who knows what he’s actually doing,” Mai would warn me to break things off with him on a daily basis, but I didn’t want to give up on him. I believed I could get him back to how he was before he started to pull away from me. Nobody prepared me for what I’d actually see when I decided to follow him out that night.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” I rolled over and saw Keisuke, already awake, smiling at me from the other side of the bed.

“Mmmmornn.” I definitely couldn’t be accused of being a morning person.

Keisuke chuckled, “I don’t think I know that language, but I’m going to assume you need a couple more minutes of quiet to wake up.” He pulled me closer into his chest so I took a deep breath and inhaled his scent.

I opened one eye as if to sneakily look at him. I couldn’t get enough of him. I could smell him, but I needed to see him, touch him, taste him. Quickly forming a thought in my mind, I managed to wake myself up for my hand to start venturing lower along his body. He quickly caught on and gave me a naughty smile,

“I take it you’re awake now, hmm?” I replied with a kiss, my hand reaching its destination and making him moan into my mouth.

My hand wrapped around his cock and started slowly pumping it. As I did that, his hips started rolling into me. His moans turned into groans and soft grunts so I decided to switch my approach. Lowering myself to his crotch, his eyes turned hungrier, his noises needier. I took his length into my mouth, eliciting a long moan from his perfectly soft lips. His hips started thrusting upwards, but only slightly, like he couldn’t help himself.

I moaned at the taste of him, sending him into another long moan from the vibrations on his sensitive tip. I bobbed my head up and down, licking along the shaft and wetting it with my spit. His hands were gripping the sheets and his eyes were squeezed shut, taking in all of the sensations. While one of my hands was on the length of his shaft I couldn’t fit into my mouth, I brought the other to my clit, slowly rubbing circles around it and using the sensation to moan around Keisuke’s cock.

He moved one of his hands behind his head and the other to grab my hair into a makeshift ponytail. I looked up and locked eyes with him.

“You look so pretty with-ah fuck-your lips around my cock I could watch you-ah-suck me forever.” He noticed where my other hand was. “Ah, I see. You enjoying yourself?” He smirked with amusement, gripping my hair tighter and pushing me to take more of him in while I sucked in my cheeks to squeeze him tighter. Now he set the pace and very soon he started moaning louder. I rubbed myself quicker now, incredibly turned on by his using my mouth how he wanted.

“Can I come into your mouth?” I could barely hear him through his panting and I had no way of replying as he was still fucking my face so I removed the hand from my clit and gave him a thumbs-up. He laughed, but quickly returned to moaning and cursing under his breath.

“Fuck your mouth is incredible I could do this all day. Good girl you’re taking me so well. Are you ready? Fuck I can’t hold on any longer-” With another tug of my hair and a loud moan he spilt down my throat and my fingers slowed down, not quite willing to stop. I flipped over onto my back and looked up at him, showing him my empty mouth. He smiled and leaned in for a kiss then dragged me back up and kissed down my front to get to where my fingers were teasing my pussy.

Flashing his canines he went straight in to devour my needy clit and puffy lips. I let out a cry as he pushed two fingers inside of me, immediately hooking them upwards to make me arch my back in pleasure. He removed his tongue only to instruct me to grip his hair, to which I obliged right away, desperate for more friction.

As he licked lazy circles around my sensitive clit I pulled him in closer, kind of afraid he might suffocate, but he just attacked with more fervour, making me moan even louder than before,

“Yes-ah-Keisuke please I’m almost there,” I needed him so terribly and he chuckled, sending vibrations to my core, almost finishing me.

“Cum on my tongue, pretty girl, I want to taste how good I made you feel.”

That sentence alone sent a wave of pleasure over me, I arched my back and cried out his name while he was slowing down to ease me down to earth. Once again, he wiped his face and licked my slick off, savouring every drop of me before helping me up and embracing me into a tight hug. I was enveloped in his scent, sweetness with a hint of citrus, and it felt like all my stress and overthinking just melted away.

He pulled away after a kiss on my forehead, grinned, and went to put his clothes on.

“I’m guessing you don’t have classes today?” I went to look for something to wear in my wardrobe.

“No, I have Mondays off from university and work, you?” Now that he was, sadly, dressed, he peered out of the bedroom to check if Mai was still home.

“I already messaged work I’m not coming in today.”

With that I stopped in my tracks. Was this because of me? Am I preventing him from going? Wait, does he want to stay in with me?

“Oh how come?” Somehow I managed to sound cool, calm, and collected…I hoped.

“If I hadn’t, I’d have to leave you in bed around seven to get home and get my things to make it. I’d decided I’d much rather spend time with you, if that’s okay with you, of course.” My heart skipped. I felt the biggest grin forming on my face and his face lighting up when he saw it.

“Of course, um, it’s my turn to cook today so I’ll need to pop into the shop to get a couple of things and Mai will be home around 2 and out by 3. Do you want to give me a hand cooking? You don’t have to, of course, but if you want to that would be cool. Also I have to let her know you’ll be with us, do you have any allergies or something you don’t like to eat?” I felt myself rambling and holy fuck I needed to shut up, but he was still grinning at me as if he’d love nothing more than listen to me ramble.

“You’re so cute. I eat everything and I’ll definitely help and give it my best to not burn down the building.” He made his way to the bathroom and I followed, my hair was in dire need of brushing.

Yunaaaaasty, 10:12

my darling keeper of my very own sanity, for lunch we’re making you your favourite <3

Mai Darling, 10:13

My lady, whomstever doth thou meansth whensth thou saysth we?

Yunaaaaasty, 10:14

you’re giving me an aneurysm

keisuke is staying here for a bit :| hope thats okay with you pls dont be mad mai

Mai Darling, 10:14

as long as my peppers are done and you haven’t fucked in the kitchen i’m fine

he really likes spending time in our flat huh

don’t take it the wrong way i really don’t mind, i’m just…noticing things

Yunaaaaasty, 10:16

noticing things, my queen?

Mai Darling, 10:16

don’t you worry your pretty little head with that ;) you have enough worries in there for all of us

i’m just saying he’s trying to spend time with you i think that’s cute

continue with my lunch now, servants!

Yunaaaaasty, 10:17

certainly, your highness *bows, scrapes ground with head, disintegrates into ground*

On our way to the shop, I noticed Keisuke battling with himself whether or not reach for my hand so I made it easier for him by entangling our fingers and smiling at him. He stopped in the middle of his sentence, as if shocked by my action, and continued with a slight stammer.

On the way back he decided to take my hand himself, but he was reduced to giggles when I used his hand to drag him closer to me and kiss his cheek. It felt good being out with him, being seen and not hidden like some kind of a shameful secret. Maybe it wouldn’t be catastrophic, being with Keisuke.

“Have I told you how pretty you are?” I interrupted his thoughts, he snapped his head towards me and opened and closed his mouth a couple of times as if unsure how to start.

“I…I mean you said something like that when we met, but uhhh where’s this coming from?”

“I was just thinking out loud. I like being seen with you. Like this,” I lifted our hands, fingers threaded together, “and not feeling like you’re ashamed of me or whatever.”

“What? Has this happened to you before? Because if someone was ashamed to be seen with you, then they’re a moron of epic proportions.” He brought my hand to his lips and gave it a soft kiss, “If we were together, I’d shout it from the rooftops. I’d become so insufferable that everybody would roll their eyes whenever I mention you.” He was so ecstatic about it that I just had to giggle at him.

Back in the kitchen, I put on my apron adorned with Mai’s and my faces - it had been a birthday present from her not long after we moved in together. Keisuke rolled up his sleeves and started chopping red and orange peppers while I seasoned chicken and popped it into the oven. He had already diced the onion because I mentioned nothing stopped from me crying when I did it. When we threw it all into the pan, I got the seasoning out and Keisuke just stared at me from the other end of the kitchen.

“What is it?” I said with a smile.

“Being here and doing mundane things with you feels so natural.”

I couldn’t help but imagine a reality where this was the norm. Walking together, holding hands, cooking lunch, just existing in the same room and talking. I grabbed my wooden spoon and mixed the peppers and onion, adding herbs and garlic. I took out a tablespoon to taste it and grabbed a spoonful for Keisuke to try. He nodded approvingly,

“This is that dish you said you make often? Fucking incredible.” I grinned, put the cooked rice into the pot and mixed it all together.

By the time the chicken was finished in the oven, Mai barged in, groaning and throwing her bag on the chair before face-planting the couch.

“I hate her so muuuuuuch! She knows I don’t read and she still won’t cut me some slack when it comes to assigned reading. I don’t know how many times I have to spell it out for her that I’m fucking D - Y - L - S - E - X - Y - C!”

I had to smack Keisuke’s chest to stop him from snickering.

“My darling,” I went to check on her, “you do know that’s not how you spell dyslexic, right?”

She lifted her head off the pillow and blew a strand of hair out of her face, “Well that’s how I spell it.”

I patted her head and motioned her to come to the kitchen where I plated up our food and brought it to the table with Keisuke’s help.

“And is your brother older or younger than you?” I wondered.

After we finished lunch, Mai grumbled away into her bedroom and got ready for work while Keisuke and I washed up and put away leftover rice. We still had a good few hours before he had to go home to make dinner for him and his brother so I suggested we go for a walk.

This time holding hands felt natural, and every time we passed someone I knew I didn’t feel like I had to let go and hide. He told me about his coursework, how he had always known he wanted to be a vet, about his favourite things, and his childhood friends.

“Well, he’s not actually my brother, but he may as well be. We’ve been friends since we were in school. Funny story, actually,” He chuckled to himself, “He wanted to bully me but I ended up saving him from getting beaten up. You’re gonna have to meet him one day soon.”

I stopped in my tracks. He wanted to introduce me to his best friend/brother?

“No, not at all. I’m actually looking forward to meeting him.”

He looked at me, worry in his face, “Something wrong?”

I shook my head, trying not to show I was tearing up,

“You’re so weird, did you know?” He pulled me closer for a kiss. In public? In front of people!

Our kiss got broken up by a bicycle bell so we fled out of the way and just kept walking around. When we passed my university building I pointed it out.

“Looks like a prison, sorry,” Keisuke noted.

“Sometimes it feels like one, too. I need to get something from the library though, wanna come with?” He joined me inside, perusing the shelves of different sections in the library, while I went to the linguistics section to get a massive tome I needed for my next paper. On the way back home he offered to carry it for me when he saw the sheer size of the book.

“Not gonna lie, Kei, you look really hot with a book in your hand.” His raised eyebrow made me giggle.

“Kei? I like that. I’ll start carrying a book with me at all times.” His hair was shining in the sun and I was overwhelmed by the need to run my fingers through it. Get it together, Yuna.

I ended up recounting how I had met Mai, how she essentially ‘adopted’ me when she realised I was revising for the same midterm she had to take and she could listen to me revise instead of suffering through her own notes. Then we very quickly became best friends and I asked her if she wanted to move in with me since I had a free room in my flat.

“You own the place then?” Keisuke asked. This story always made me sad.

“Yeah, it was my grandma’s, but she died just before I started university and she left it to me, fully paid off, and she left me a savings account for my tuition. Technically I’m only working to cover my spending money and pay for food.” He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and caressed my cheek.

“Sorry to hear about your grandma.” I smiled at him, now approaching the front door.

As I was struggling to find the apartment key in the sea of keychains, Keisuke started nibbling on my neck, “Hmm this feels kind of familiar, don’t you think?”

I hurried with the keys and pulled him behind me, heading straight into my room and starting to take off my clothes. His mouth was pulled into a devilish grin, canines poking out, making him look like a vampire, and he took his shirt off before pulling his hair back and attacking my neck again.

While we were lying entangled I couldn’t help but overthink the situation. I could feel myself digging the hole of obsession deeper by the minute, which is something I had told myself wouldn’t happen again. But, that said, this didn’t feel like last time.

Keisuke opened his eyes and nearly startled me when he spoke. “You look sad.”

Last time I jumped into a relationship without weighing out my options, just because I liked the look of him and he charmed me into thinking he’d stay like he had been that first week. Then I ended up spending six months constantly wondering where he was, and, on the rare occasions he actually spent time with me, being hidden from the eyes of anyone else.

We’d never held hands or hugged in public. He’d never introduced me to his friends or family. Then he’d said he was just keeping me around for sex and my whole self-worth collapsed.

Not a question. I didn’t want to bother him with my problems, but it was like he had a sixth sense for it.

“Did you forget what I said to you last night? I want to be with you, and that means taking on a portion of your sadness as well as making you cum daily. Let me help you.”

His usual goofiness is gone, replaced by a serious tone, seeing directly into my soul with his intense eyes. He moved one hand to my hip and started caressing me.

“I was just overthinking things. I know, I know, when do I not?” With a sigh, I continued.

“I wasn’t allowed to express myself in the last relationship. I’m still trying to learn how to communicate with a partner because I didn’t get that before. That’s why I’m so conflicted because I was drawn to you from the start, but the past experience says it only leads to a catastrophe.” I felt the need to shut my mouth immediately. I’d said too much and laid out my emotions too soon.

My mind was racing, but I’d decided. “I think it’s too soon to say, but there’s another Emo Nite event in 11 days and that might be a good day to decide.”

Keisuke touched my face, looking deep into my eyes.

“Funny you said that, I also felt drawn to you when I first saw you. I was rude to you to try and stop myself from acting on that feeling, but it clearly didn’t work.” He gestured at us lying in each other’s arms. “But I’m glad this happened because now I can show you how a real man treats his partner. What the actual fuck was this guy’s problem? You’re so smart, kind, funny, and interesting, I can’t wait to hear every next word from your mouth. I really hope you give me a chance to show you how serious I am about all of it.”

“Sounds like a date. Gives me time to talk to my friends and get them to come with me again. Apparently they had a decent time after I left.”

“Does that mean I could meet them then?”

He leaned in to kiss me and chuckled, “Sweetheart, you’re meeting them way sooner than that.”

With a million kisses to go and no firm plan on when we’ll see each other next, I saw him to the door and said goodbye. It hadn’t been five minutes before I got a message from him.

Keisuke, 18:32

I can smell you on my clothes. It’s making me smile in public. c:

Yuna🖤💙, 18:33

thats funny because we spent most of the time with no clothes on

but i can smell you on my pillow and im just gonna sit here and snuggle it for a while

Keisuke, 18:33

That’s probably the lamest thing I’ve ever heard.

Please keep it up.

I’ll give you my hoodie or something next time.

Yuna🖤💙, 18:34

PROMISE?!

Keisuke, 18:34

Woah eager beaver C;

Yeah of course. Seeing you in my clothes might send me to a hospital, but I bet it would be worth it. c;

Yuna🖤💙, 18:35

if you get a heart attack whos gonna eat me out until i cry from overstimulation??????

Boyfriend Material🧛🏻, 18:36

Hey I’m hospitalised, not dead!

Yuna🖤💙,18:36

youre ridiculous. let me know when you get home safe <3

Boyfriend Material🧛🏻, 18:37

How cute, she’s worried about me c;

Yuna-chan, 19:03

i spent the past 22 hours with him

hes sooooo not like any asshole from before

he held my hand when we walked

he kissed me in front of the library?!?!?!!?

he asks me stuff about me

chat is this real???

Hana-chan, 19:05

Dibs on picking bridesmaid dresses :)

Seriously though Yuna Im so happy for you

He sounds really nice

I expect an in-depth report on Sunday :D

And I want to see both of you at the event next Friday ;)

Yuna-chan, 19:10

thank you hana i couldnt have done this without you

seriously

[1 image attachment]

HE TOOK A POLAROID OF ME FROM THE FRIDGE!

Hana-chan, 19:12

Thank fuck it wasn’t a pair of panties hahah

That’s kinda cute ngl

You have one of him he has one of you.

Yuna-chan, 19:15

i’m smiling uncontrollably ??????? can’t stop send help

btw you got homework done for tomorrow?

After a few more hours of general upkeep of the apartment, texting with Hana and Keisuke, and sniffing the pillow whenever I walked into my bedroom, Mai arrived home from work and headed straight into the kitchen for leftovers. We sat at the kitchen table, catching up, when she pulled out a bag of popcorn from her bag, along with a couple of pots full of nacho cheese dip.

With a grin, we switched to the living room and put on our favourite show to rewatch, snacking on the loot from the cinema.

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myymi · 15 days

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sorry ive been dead, here's a short snippet of my most recent wip

#i really slept for like. 4 days straight then wasted the day playing b4b #priorities 👍#sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #sth #tails the fox #sonic #wip fic #unbreakable bond #sonic and tails

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amywritesthings · 1 year

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silver underground. / chapter seven.

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x F!Reader (Attack on Titan / Shingeki no Kyojin)

Word Count: 3.7K

Summary: Day 160 - also known as the day Levi found you in the middle of the night.

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI; Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Eventual Romance, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Flashbacks, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Touch Starved Idiots, Masturbation

( Read on AO3 )

Previous Chapter. / Next Chapter. | Masterlist.

CHAPTER SEVEN.

She’s borderline insane.

As days past, day into night and night into day, that is all Levi can think about. Even when he knocks you down, you're still getting back up. Even when he bests you, you ask for another round. You’re still putting your fists up like you can take him, like you’ve got an ace up your sleeve for his eventual downfall.

Except that card was played long before you got fucked in the head.

(You were always fucked in the head, in an ironic way, since the day he met you.)

Truth is, he likes sparring with you. You'll proudly sport a bruise, two, five. You'll hold your chin high as you limp into the mess hall, undeterred by a pulled muscle in your leg.

In a way, there's a sliver here that feels like nothing ever went wrong.

You're still you.

And because you're still you, he won’t go easy on your daily training — can’t, not when he can feel you judging from across the dirt circle, waiting for the second he'll go soft and let you crack a decent uppercut or a surprise kick.

You’re right to assume such; there's no reason to bruise your ego on top of the bluish-green patches on your body. He finds himself holding back only when you stumble.

(The spineless higher-ups really should come out here for just a day see how determined you are to stay on your feet.)

Levi says up — you’re already standing. Levi says don’t think — you’re already acting.

He doesn’t need to urge you to fight harder, because you do it all on your own.

You don’t need him.

You’ve never needed him.

Yet you seek him out anyway, with every free moment you have. Levi Ackerman has to stay poised, controlled, distant.

God forbid you get the wrong idea, like somehow he’s going to buckle at the knee and cave with all of his sins at your altar.

He’s never been one to pray, so why would he feel the need to confess?

He doesn’t need the questions. You don’t need the judgment from the rest of the team. The arrangement works for what it is:

Compromise.

Except he can’t fucking sleep when you’re here under the same roof. He incessantly fidgets in his captain’s quarters, pacing back and forth over and over in a broken-record loop.

Why is he so agitated all the time? Why is he so restless?

Every time he thinks about knocking on your door after hours, Levi drags on his chickenshit pants and turns the other way.

Every time he considers asking you to join him on a walk around the grounds for a patrol, he shoves his mouth with soup and leaves the mess hall hungry.

Every time he so much as thinks about you, he wants to bash his fucking head through the wall.

You’re right there.

You’re right goddamn there, and he can’t do a thing about it.

Tonight, however, is different — because his late-night pacing gets interrupted. Through an open window, he sees it play out in real time: a person with an emerald cloak and a lantern leading their way to the… stables?

No. Levi side-steps the billowing curtains at his bedroom window to watch the person below feel their way through the dark, clearly looking for something, until their fingers catch onto a thick patch of vines that lovingly caress the side of the supply building to…

Climb it?

Squinting, the captain shifts off the heel of his boot to lean beyond the window's edge.

The person outdoors struggles to climb one handed, yet they eventually manage to get to the top. They drop the lantern on the stone roof, resting on all fours to catch their breath.

When their hood flicks off of their head as their chin lifts to the sky, his eyes abruptly widen.

It’s you.

He’d know that hair anywhere.

Like a bat out of hell, Levi grabs his own cloak and rushes out of his bedroom before he can stop to think about what the fuck he’s doing.

If you’re in trouble, then he needs to know. If there’s something wrong, he has to ask—

(Why is he so fucking frazzled all the goddamn time anymore?)

By the time he reaches the supply building, he can see it: the faint glow of your lantern fading in and out from view, expanding and contracting. Levi swiftly uses both hands to climb the veins, popping his head over the roof’s edge.

You’re sitting cross-legged, staring up at the sky.

His chest constricts as the flame of the lantern wavers.

“Hey.”

It’s almost cute, how much you jump in the air with a chortle of frightened surprise. You fumble for the lantern like it’s about to topple over before snapping your attention back at him, wide-eyed and startled. Levi keeps his expression neutral no matter how bad he wants to laugh.

Then you melt, like he is no danger to you.

That recognition.

Shit, he’s missed you remembering who he is.

“Captain.”

He doesn’t enjoy, however, how formal you get around him.

“No one’s here, shithead,” he replies, climbing the last two rings of the vines before dropping his knee to the roof. “You don’t have to do the Captain crap.”

Call me by my name, is what he quietly begs.

You answer, like he really has stumbled into your church at the midnight hour.

“Levi.”

He sucks in a sharp breath through his nose.

“The hell’re you doing up here?” he asks, keeping his voice monotone as he stands tall on the rooftop.

Your eyes follow, still confused and nervous.

“I’m—” Are you sweating? “—I couldn’t sleep.”

Levi’s brow ticks. “Gunther snoring or something?”

You quickly shake your head, and immediately he can sense it: something is wrong.

Are you going to let him in? Is he going to get to hear about what the hell is going on in that cloudy head of yours?

(He could iron everything out so neatly, like a soft pressed shirt, if he lost his resolve.)

Cautious not to slip on the roof’s slant, Levi makes a slow descent to the reclined space you have yourself situated upon. You’re generous enough to move the lantern to the other side of you, allowing him space to sit beside you.

“Then what is it?” he asks carefully.

At first you don’t respond. The look in your eye is… new. Hazy. Like you’re caught between a dream and reality.

He squeezes his fists together at his sides so as not to reach out and shake your shoulder back to where he sits.

He shouldn’t.

He really shouldn’t.

“You can—”

Too late. Two words spill out, and you whip your attention so fast to him that his throat constricts like he’s got a severe case of allergies on the horizon.

Be brave, Ackerman, you dumbass.

“You can… talk to me, if you need an ear,” he grits out, wishing he had the tact like Erwin or the generosity like Hange right now. They’d softly lead you into the conversation, create a cushioned security blanket to fall back on.

All Levi’s ever had is his arms and the clothes on his back.

Your loop your wrist between a finger and a thumb, lost in the consideration of his offer, and when he open his mouth to dispel it — forget I asked, you don’t have to say shit to me — you let out a sharp breath and croak:

“I think I dreamed about what happened.”

His blood runs colder than the night sky.

“What do you mean?” Levi asks, unwilling to assume for himself.

You drop your arms to your butterfly-laid knees and sigh heavily, distantly. “I really have enjoyed sparring with you, you know.”

Oh.

So you’re going to switch the subject.

It’s that memory, and Levi fights — struggles — not to press harder.

“Have a thing for getting your ass kicked or something?” he brushes off, and you smile with your chin to your chest.

His jaw goes slack just watching it from his peripheral.

“We used to spar all the time in the Underground,” you reply. “I think… I think it just feels like home to me, y’know?”

You look too fast, catching the slack-jawed expression on his face, and scramble for a better explanation.

“Because we grew up there! That’s home.”

“The Underground City wasn’t home for us,” Levi tells you instead, shaking his head.

(That’s home — fuck, why do you have to say shit like that?)

“No?” you ask, and he shakes his head despite himself. “Sparring feels like it, though.”

Levi stretches his legs out on the roof, mindful not to touch the dirty surface with the palms of his hands. “Kicking the shit out of you every day just so you can remember yourself is one hell of a fucked-up plan, you know that, right?”

You snort, nodding. “Yeah, I’m aware it’s a little unorthodox.”

“A little?”

“A lot,” you correct, grinning. He has to press his tongue to the roof of his mouth not to smile back. “And it makes sense, since we used to work together before the Scouts.”

You say it with such conviction that he doesn’t even notice you’re setting up a trap.

“You remember that now, huh?” Levi asks.

You rest your chin on your shoulder, eyes gleaming in the moonlight.

“Nope, but you confirmed it for me.”

Levi scowls at the dirty trick, rolling his eyes. “Little shit…”

“Well? Too late now, it’s in the open,” you urge, eyes rounding. “Right?”

He could kill you himself.

Metaphorically. Metaphysically. Spiritually.

So long as you’re physically still here, flesh and blood and beating heart.

“...if I give you this, then you’re never gonna quit asking.” But he’s feeling generous, especially now that you actually look sorry. You open your mouth, and he decides to beat you to the punch. “We were in a gang. Nothing glamorous.”

“With Isa?”

Levi can feel his face smoothing in surprise faster than he can look away.

The disbelief crawls and etches onto his expression, his body shivering from something colder than the night.

Isa.

A wave of sadness crashes at his shore and dissipates just as fast.

“Do you remember her?” Levi asks, softer than intended. "Isabel?"

He hopes you remember her. He hopes you remember all of them.

Even if he’s the last one that makes it to the roster, Levi wants you to have the good times in your back pocket so you remember why you’re fighting for humanity.

“The tomato thing,” you clarify with a softness that rivals his own. “The memory I had. You said I started sounding like Isa, wanting to go up to the surface. That we’d be happy up here. And it… yeah, I mean I can’t see Isabel's face, but I know there was a girl. And a guy, right?”

Is this really happening to him right now?

“Yeah,” he coughs to mask the strain in his vocal chords. “There was a guy.”

“Furlong.”

Levi couldn’t stop it even if he tried: the corner of his lip ticks upward. “Furlan.”

“Furlan…” You trail off, nodding to yourself. “That’s what his name was. Fuck, I kept saying Furlong, Furlong… but Furlan. Yeah. Isabel and Furlan. We all worked together?”

Speechless, all he can do is nod.

You don’t seem to notice the gravity of him, lost in your own orbit as you begin to ramble.

“We didn’t spar with them. That’s why all of my memories come from only us fighting. Not because they didn’t exist, but because they couldn’t keep up with us.”

You snort, shaking your head. Levi’s tongue is full of lead.

“There wouldn’t be a fair fight in sight. I mean, I think Furlan tried his best, but Isabel didn’t even try. She was too young, or at least I get the feeling she was younger than the rest of us. Sparring was only between us. We made it our thing.”

“Our secret language.”

Levi doesn’t know what the fuck possesses him to say that, but it’s out and open in the night air before he can stop himself from falling clear off the fucking roof.

He’s numb, his fingers frostbitten despite there being no breeze.

He isn’t brave enough to see your reaction.

His chin lifts to the moon.

“I fell, didn’t I?”

Your voice rips him clear from his stubbornness, forcing him to blink back at you. Your eyes are glossy, and his chest feels tight after forcing himself not to feel a damn thing at all.

“What?”

“The day I lost my memory. The day you… when I had my accident, or whatever.”

From such fond memories to the worst moment of his life, Levi has nothing to keep him afloat in this whiplash.

He can’t look away. He can’t even blink.

He’s fifteen all over again looking back at you, speechless and blank.

“My dream was bleak, to say the least,” you continue. He’s grateful for your voice overriding his racing thoughts. “But I don’t really know if it was a dream or reality. It all felt like a dream… but I can’t trust my dreams anymore, because half of the time they’re just memories.”

When Levi says nothing, you continue with a softer voice.

“I was flying through the trees. There were… screams, just… everywhere.” His teeth clench together, but he refuses to look away. Levi deserves this — to watch you tell boomerang his very own nightmares back to him. “I was trying to save this one person from getting eaten by a titan. Ten meters? Maybe thirteen? I couldn't tell. We were getting slaughtered out there by two abnormals that just wouldn’t quit.”

Levi doesn’t have the heart to say it.

If he could ease your pain, then he could lie.

He could say it’s just a dream.

(He was always so bad at lying to you.)

“There was one Scout half-eaten, hanging off a tree like he was… like he was just a leaf in the wind. I remember his cloak billowing. And — and I tried to recon with my ODM gear to go back for them. I tried saving them. I know the orders were to keep moving, and I…”

You look so haunted. Grief stricken.

This was the exact thing he was dreading, bringing you out here.

It’s too close to where it all went to shit.

Levi has to squeeze his fist from reaching for your shoulder.

“Go ahead, James,” he quietly reassures. “I’m listening.”

“I disobeyed your direct order, didn’t I?”

The way your eyes snap to his has him feeling cornered — it’s a rhetorical question that you want answered, verbally, here and now.

He can’t.

Levi merely nods once, and the devastation etched across your brow makes his stomach ache.

“You knew we couldn’t go back for you if you tried to save them,” Levi tells you, flat yet unsteady. “You knew.”

“And I did it anyway.”

“Yeah.”

“By myself.”

“Yeah.”

“And you came back for me anyway.”

(How vivid was this dream of yours?)

Levi sucks on his tongue, debating. Your eyes narrow in suspicion.

“Because you did come back for me, Levi.”

“James, how much do you remember about this?” he finally blurts, cutting straight through the hedge maze you’re formulating through storytelling to get to the point.

He has to know.

He has to hear it.

His bark makes you blink, recoiling with uncertainty, and he hates that — hates knowing he can’t let this play out when the guilt festers like a parasite in his stomach.

“A titan grabbed me,” you cautiously recall, the blood draining from your face. “I tried saving someone and a titan grabbed me out of mid-air. I fought it. I cut myself free, but it jammed my ODM gear.”

Levi frowns, ignoring the trembling in his right fist. “And how do you know I came back for you?”

At first you don’t reply. Your eyes round, as if surprised by the challenge.

The raven-haired man’s eyes narrow into slits, and he waits with a meanness that comforts him like a protective shield.

“How do you know?”

“Levi—”

“Because your not telling me—”

“I fell!”

That is not what Levi was waiting to hear.

“My fucking... ODM gear got jammed because I stupidly got caught by a titan, and I fought with it, then panicked and sliced my own… my own line. I fell.”

Your eyes get glossy again, voice nothing short of a whimper, and you look back to the moon with a trembling lower lip.

Levi hates that he has to push you, that he has to do this, but he’s a glutton for punishment.

Maybe you’ll understand.

Maybe this is the time where the illusions dissolve and you see him for what he is.

“Broken ribs.”

You turn your attention back to him, a tear accidentally falling from your momentum.

“Bruised spine. Internal bleeding. Lacerations on the torso, neck, and right leg.”

Again and again, Levi tortures himself with his own account of what you’re retelling.

“The cherry on top being the major concussion. Those were the injuries you sustained for saving five out of eight Scouts that day.”

Your eyes watch in horror as he adds the little detail you would have never, and could have never, recalled—

Because you hadn’t been awake to hear for yourself.

“Miro Squad should have been a lost cause that day. You didn’t let that happen.”

His breath grows short. Yours doesn’t seem to exist at all.

His eyes drop to your chest, pleading for your lungs to work.

“Almost all of those injuries you sustained were before the—”

Shit.

Levi can’t do this.

He glances away, pressing his palms into the dirtied surface to focus on something other than the bile climbing up his esophagus.

“James, why did you say I came back for you?”

He has to hear it.

From your lips, because he won’t believe it elsewhere.

“...because I saw you diving after me.”

Your voice is soft, appreciative.

Like he’s a fucking savior.

Levi clenches his teeth, speaking through a modicum of restraint:

“James, I’m the reason you don’t remember anything.”

Finally.

Forehead to the fucking stairs of your altar, he confesses.

A sinner in front of a deity, laid bare.

Telling you feels as horrible as he always imagined. Levi doesn’t wait to catch how you look at him, because he doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t need to see that wide-eyed stare, that panic, the fear, over the edges of your face again.

He couldn’t stand it then, and he surely doesn't have the courage to stand it now.

“That’s…” His eyes close as he awaits the impending explosion, but you don’t sound angry. You sound… in denial. “That’s impossible, Levi, you dove after me—”

“It’s not impossible,” he reassures, wallowing in the hatred he feels in every vein of his body, "because it's true. It’s my fault that you’re like this. That you barely remember shit.”

“No, it—”

“James, I was there. I know what happened, I saw it happen, so fucking listen to me, alright?”

It’s harsh, cruel, and for some stupid reason he expects you to simply take his words at face value.

He starts to push himself up from the rooftop’s surface, but something heavy catches on his sleeve.

Despite his better judgment, Levi glances down.

You stare up at him, arm outstretched, tethering him to you. Your fingers crawl up his arm, encasing his forearm. He sees it: how you suck in your breath, sharp and surprised, as if the touch brings a fire to the pit of your stomach. And if he didn't know any better, then he'd think that's your thumb running along the bone.

Reassurance.

Want.

Starvation.

He could really drive it home, shove you away, then maybe you’ll reconsider the Scouts.

He can say that he wishes he hadn’t come back for you, but he doesn’t have the guts.

You’re offering forgiveness he doesn’t deserve.

“Don’t,” he warns.

Your fingers shift and he knows exactly what you’re doing. You’re trying to pull him back down.

Levi rips his arm away like your touch burns.

“Don’t what, Levi?” you ask, and it’s sickeningly sweet.

He wants to drop to his knees.

He wants to bow his head.

He wants to beg, over and over, until he’s cleansed in the midnight sun where you both belong.

For a second he falters, leaning like he’s going to hover over you.

Your eyes are so large, so hopeful, that he almost feels hopeful, too.

“Forgive me,” he croaks, finding his sanity in the nick of time. “Don’t ever forgive me.”

He hears your pleas to come back, his name so sweet on your tongue — Levi, wait! Levi, come back. Levi, please! — but Levi walks straight to the edge of the roof, climbs back down, and beelines straight to his quarters before he can break out into a cold sweat.

By the time he’s shut the door behind him, he’s ripping off his clothes.

His shirt, thrown messily to the ground.

His pants, unbuckled and dropped somewhere close behind.

He'll care in ten minutes. He doesn't care right now.

His skin is on fire. He falls to the bed, and the freezing sheets sting him.

This is hell.

Throwing his forearm over his eyes, the forearm you grabbed, Levi reaches shamefully for the bulge in his black briefs and squeezes, sputtering at euphoric relief.

His teeth grit when he drags his cock out, pumping furiously. Desperate. Needy.

He has to bite his tongue not to whimper when his brain poisons him with the way you say his name.

Levi. His fist squeezes the tip. Levi, please. He tenses, bowstring tight, and knows he’s already close.

Don’t what, Levi?

He gasps, the back of his head slamming into his pillow when the orgasm hits him like a ton of bricks.

He spills over his hand, legs trembling, before slumping with regret.

Forgive me.

Author's Note: ...told u this fic was gonna be 18+ for a reason, oop

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