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queers-gambit · 2 years

Text

Tears in the Rain

prompt: feelings are confessed and a decision is made; the only thing left to do is heal and be okay.

pairing: Eddie Munson x female!reader

fandom masterlist: Stranger Things

word count: 8.4k

note: Eddie's 19, reader's 18+, and Chrissy's 17-18 years old. and yes - The Book of Unholy Mischief was published in 2008, but i still use a quote from it, oh well - roll with it!

warnings: Hanahaki Disease AU, cursing, unrequited love, y'all know the drill - angst! hospitals, and minor description of surgical procedure. again - angst! please proceed with maturity and caution. is this a happy ending? depends on your mental state idk anymore. ✅ no spoilers

other Eddie Munson Hanahaki Disease fics: Cherry Blossom Colored Kisses Gone with the Sin

It started in the 8th grade, spitting out bits of petals and scraping them off your tongue when nobody was looking; subtly wiping your hands on your jeans and pretending you hadn't. Your child's mind was overwhelmed and confused by the sight but figured it had to be normal, never asking any questions, because who would ever believe your symptoms?

You kept this secret to yourself like you did many others, never sharing with anyone the pain that was slowly creeping through your veins. You didn't even tell him - the boy who made your heart race and palms get sweaty. The boy who made your mind go blank and simultaneously race with thought. He's been your friend since the 1st grade, best friend since 3rd, you thought you could share anything, but after the talent show in 7th grade and you saw the way he was held hostage in his seat while watching Chrissy Cunningham do her cheer routine, you knew things couldn't stay the same.

His eyes were wide, his mouth slightly agape, and it was the first of many star-struck looks Eddie would give the strawberry blonde. A look you'll come to understand would never be directed at you.

Everything around you was changing but you refused to be left behind, so, you changed with the times; you changed with your friend. Your hair was cropped short as his grew out in unruly curls; you wore black almost everyday (like he did), you might've even learned how to play guitar so you two could have another bonding experience, and you even joined his stupid fucking Hellfire Club because you thought you could impress him with your Dungeons and Dragons knowledge that you didn't spend all summer studying over.

When you got to high school, your symptoms changed - just like you did. It wasn't fair, but you never tried to fix what was wrong; Nancy Wheeler spending hours with you in the library as you feigned a personal project you needed to research, searching for any solution. Your friend didn't know you found answers the summer before high school, the summer puberty hit you like a bullet train; the summer everything changed.

You knew something was terribly and fatally wrong yet never bothered to fix it, because why bother putting forth effort into an inevitable end? Your options were limited and neither sounded better than the last.

Option One: you succumb to your symptoms and suffocate. Two: you got a surgery to remove the blooms growing in your lungs - but it would in turn take away all known thought and memory of your beloved. And Option Three: confess your feelings and pray to any and every known God, Goddess, Deity that he would return them.

However, you worried that if he did return your affections - whether he verbalized them or not - you wouldn't be in this predicament to begin with. So, you sucked it up and kept quiet because having him as just a friend was better than forgetting him, or losing his friendship. You were never good being alone but found being alone with him was better than being by yourself. You chose to remain strong and silent, despite the way you withered away inside; you chose to stay close, even though his proximity made your heart crack. You chose to borderline torture yourself because you knew walking away would take more bravery than sticking around.

But in the words of Ellie Newmark, "Unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before."

You positively refused to turn "bitter and mean", so, you plastered a smile on your face and never gave anyone reason to think anything could be wrong. You never thought there'd be anyone after him, because you were enamored with everything he did and the very idea of being in love with anyone except him drove your heart into your throat. The idea was unimaginable.

The first semester of high school, your chest got heavier with meat but also pressure, causing a terrible tightness that left you feeling as if you were breathing through a sauna; your lungs constricted with tendrils of prickling pain, and soon, those bits of petals were fully intact, giving you first sight to what was being hacked out of your body - white chrysanthemums.

After a bit of research, you discovered these particular flowers were used in European funeral bouquets - but not many others. You discovered white chrysanthemums were a symbol of death, grief, and mourning in some Asian cultures, and it did little to quell the worry in your chest.

Yet, how oddly beautiful to suffer through this; where your own body betrayed you but produce something pure, innocent even, despite being slathered with a halo of tacky blood.

However, you feared life without him and even if it meant your heart would permanently weep, you would sign yourself up for a lifetime of pain if it meant he stayed close. If it meant he stayed in your life. If his hand would continue to hold yours. If his smile would grace your sight, if those pillowy lips would form precious nicknames that always made you feel on top of the world.

You'd mourn yourself, in order to preserve and celebrate all he was.

For years, you persevered through the unimaginable pain in body and mind, and for years, you and he grew closer than ever before. In the 10th grade, things changed again - but this was only because you caught yourself about to confess your feelings for Edward Munson. Panic-inducing fear halted the words before they could slip out, and instead, it caused a violent coughing attack.

One so intense that it made you turn away from Eddie and get back in your father's car, driving away from his trailer as your palm was slathered in a slick, sticky mixture of blood and limp white petals.

You felt immense guilt when you glanced in the rearview mirror, Eddie's shocked, confused, and concerned figure standing on his porch - watching you drive away, and wondering what had gone wrong. You two had been smoking, sure, but Eddie often thought that you could smoke him under any table, any day. Maybe he had indulged you too much, and maybe your lungs and throat were going raw from it all - spurring a bud of guilt to sprout in Eddie's gut.

He didn't let you smoke going forward.

You accepted the new limitation because you couldn't handle telling him the truth. You chose to suffer for him, you chose to remain close and depend on him more than you should've. It became increasingly painful to live through your days, and to your heart-stopping fear, the pain was tenfold when you were nearest Eddie.

Eddie, who was oblivious to your pain.

Eddie, who couldn't pick up a fucking hint.

Eddie, who you've been in love with since you were a kid.

Eddie, who you spent every birthday and holiday with.

Eddie, who only ever wanted the pretty, popular head cheerleader... And not you.

Still, his friendship was better than nothing at all and you dealt with the staggering pain that soon left your limbs weak. Surely, the pain of losing him wouldn't match the pain you had now, so, you stuck it out.

You and Eddie hung out every weekend. You went to his shows at The Hideout, you helped him do his homework and study. You defended him against bullies, you'd wipe his tears, hold his hand through tattoos, you brought him new customers to up-charge his drug sales. You loved him, and you did what you could to show that without needing to verbalize it.

You laughed with him, cried, watched movies; went to concerts, checked out books in the library on how to fix automobiles to help him tune up his van. You remembered his Uncle Wayne's birthday and got him a new mug each year, you taught Eddie how to bake, you both would raid the music store and spend his drug money - and he'd always buy you a new record, even if it "wasn't real music".

Because that's what best friends did - they loved each other unconditionally.

And for years, you'd watch him stare after the pretty captain of the cheer team; her oblivious to his staring and him oblivious to yours. It was like a never-ending circle, watching the three of you idiots tiptoe around feelings and truth. Yet Eddie was focused on what was in front of him in the form of Chrissy, never bothering to ever check to see what was behind him - in the form of you.

Because you were always there. A constant presence tethered to his soul, forever being a safety net during the times he pushes himself too far.

The stake in your heart drove deeper when he'd ask your opinion on his hair - wondering if Chrissy would notice the trimmed dead ends (like you did). He'd ask you what flower was your favorite, because he wanted to impress the pretty strawberry blonde with a pretty bouquet. He asked you for a mixtape of your favorite love songs - learning a few of them on his guitar in the hopes of serenading the girl who you'd never be.

Thing was, Eddie was the only constant in your life and you felt it was impossible to walk away from him; some kind of chain keeping you from ever wondering too far. He was there from Day One, never leaving your side, and always knowing when something was wrong - until now.

When your symptoms graduated to coughing out blood daily, he didn't notice. When your chest was ready to cave in, making your breaths ragged and wheezy, he didn't notice. When your eyes became dull and lifeless due to the consistent pain that didn't let you rest through the night, he didn't notice.

What he did notice, was how Chrissy Cunningham was paying him slightly more attention since she and Jason Carver broke up. He noticed when her hair was different, he'd rave about how good she looked in the color green, gush to you in excitement when Mr. Lang had assigned them as project partners, and how Chrissy told him how funny she thought he was.

And the first day they decided to hang out together outside of educational purposes was the day you coughed out a full bloom. Floating on the surface of the water plugged in your bathroom sink was a white chrysanthemum, speckled in bright red blood; a string of red-stained saliva dripping from your mouth as you stared in shock. The face scrub popped lightly on your cheeks and fingertips, but your skincare routine was forgotten as you registered the newest symptom change.

This was new, this was much more painful. The usually beautiful flowers slowly grew in your lungs, sprouting thorns the longer you fought against your feels - refusing to admit defeat, and confess your deepest, longest kept secret.

For the following days, you were excusing yourself every single class period to retch into a toilet bowl, the blooms now sopping wet from your blood due to the shredded rawness of your throat and lungs.

Eddie didn't notice because Chrissy's perfume was still in his nostrils. Her swaying ponytail still behind his eyes. Her beaming smile painted in his mind, and fingers tingling from the ghostly memory of her hand in his.

Thorns sliced your throat, stabbed your tongue, and shredded the inside of your cheeks when you tried to spit them out as quick as possible. It was like your blood was made of glue, keeping the blooms and thorns stuck to your mouth and lips - no matter how your river of tears tried to wash them away. Or how your sobbing breath tried to force them out into the toilet - they just wouldn't budge.

Petals and flowers and thorns stuck to you, like your love for Eddie.

And Eddie didn't notice because Chrissy was wearing that skirt today, and he was telling you all about how beautiful she was instead of focusing on spending quality time with you; instead of noticing how you visibly shrunk into yourself in an effort to quell the pain throbbing in your chest and head, in an effort to block out the pain of hearing the boy you love gush about the girl he loves.

Breathing became harder, as if something were blocking your lungs. Blocking the passageway air needed to travel; blocking you out of your life. It took a physical toll; color of your eyes dulling, hair drying of any moisture, bones protruding from the harsh symptoms that refused to ease in severity. You felt fear for the first time since the 8th grade and this had all first started; trying to weigh your options over what to do.

Three options...

Eddie didn't notice your turmoil to make a decision because Chrissy agreed to a date with him.

Before you know it - years have passed since your first indication of symptoms. You prayed for deliverance, but God couldn't hear you through your gargled cries; coughing petals and blooms out between blobs of thick clots. Your pillow cases were all soiled, yet you couldn't replace them - it was futile with the way blood shot from your mouth and nose. You ran through tissues more than tampons, and your bedroom became something akin to a hospice room.

Eddie didn't notice when you dulled of life.

Being as you were now seniors, you figured showing up at Eddie's trailer in the middle of the night wasn't totally weird. After all, you both had sought refuge with the other since before you really understood what friendship meant. With worry and fear dropping your heart to your feet from the weight of your panic, you hopped in your beat up Toyota and drove through town to reach Eddie's home; used tissues scattered across the passenger seat - all saturated with blooming drops of blood.

You had no idea how to explain what was happening, but you needed to tell him. You needed help, and if there was a chance all of this could be over if you just told him the truth, you were willing to let down your walls. Eddie had always told you he'd do anything to help you, and you just banged your hands on the steering wheel as you tried to rid the idea from your mind that that, too, had changed.

When you got to Eddie's front door, the lights were on and you prayed he'd answer despite the late hour. You knocked, waited; knocked again, waited some more. After 4 minutes, you were pounding at his front door until it was shoved open - forcing you back a step - and to your horror, there stood Chrissy Cunningham... In Eddie's favorite Metallica shirt.

And only his shirt.

"Oh, hey," Chrissy smiles awkwardly, shifting her weight over her feet. Her shining strawberry blonde hair is strung off her neck in a messy bun that makes her look fucking ethereal. "Um, Eddie's in the shower... Do you want me to go get him for you?"

But the small blemish poking out from the collar of the shirt she wore made you shake your head through tears; trying to offer a small smile. "No, oh, my God, I'm so sorry, I-I didn't mean to interrupt. Shit, my bad, Chrissy," you backed away down the stairs, needing to use the railing to save yourself from falling over.

"You weren't," she assured. "We were, um... Done. H-He's in the shower, why don't you come in?" Her brows pulled together as if a string was threaded between them, offering sweetly, "I was gonna make some tea, do you want some? We could, um, hang out? Until he's out of the shower, i-if you want?"

FUCK! You knew Eddie didn't have fucking tea, so, the sweetheart must've brought it with her and now, she's offering to make you some? God damn it. Why'd she have to be so nice!?

"Oh, yeah, um, no, no thanks, Chrissy, that's really nice of you, but it's really nothing. I should just get going, I'll talk to him later, um... H-Have a nice weekend, and I'm sorry, again."

"Are you sure? You look kinda upset - I don't think you should drive right now."

Eddie didn't notice - but one look from Chrissy Cunningham and she had. If your heart wasn't broken before, it was now.

You nodded despite the pain swelling in your chest, "Yeah, no, no I'm fine - I should've just called. It's not a big deal, I'm sorry again, um, good night, Chrissy, um, yeah - just, yeah, have a nice night."

She nodded, "You, too. I hope you feel better, I'll tell Eddie you stopped by."

You trusted that she would, returning home and with petals still sticking to your tongue, charged into your mother's room. She sat up in her bed in shock - late night shifts taking their toll and leaving her sleep deprived. This was her first weekend off in months, and you felt terrible for interrupting her, but you couldn't hold it in anymore.

You needed your mother. You needed her more than ever before because your fear was tangible, and you weren't ready to die.

See, thing is, your mother was borderline your best friend (besides Eddie, that is). She and your father had been high school sweethearts, married, and he died in a tragic car accident on the night your mother was going to tell him she was pregnant on their first wedding anniversary. She never dated, she never brought a man home, she only focused on you. When you got older, she figured she could work more and you were happy to support her; taking up more house chores to save her from any unnecessary stress.

It was just you and your mother... Until Eddie, then, he was a constant presences at your dinner table. He had his own Christmas stocking your mother knitted. His favorite snacks kept in a stocked up supply for whenever he chooses to visit. And you and your mother would spend an entire day baking a cake for his birthday before hosting a full meal for him and his Uncle Wayne.

Your mother never had an issue with doing any of that because she was grateful for Eddie being in your life. It made her feel as if you'd never be alone.

However, you now felt like a burden, but the moment your mother clocked your tears and trembling hands clutching bloody tissues, she was beckoning you to her chest and begging you to tell her what was wrong as she rocked you soothingly.

So, you confessed. Everything.

From that night in 7th grade when you saw Eddie mesmerized by Chrissy Cunningham for the first time. That being the night you coughed out petals... And how everything changed and got worse from there on, and you didn't understand what was wrong, why you were suffering.

You told her about how you were now coughing out the full thorny blooms, how the bleeding wouldn't stop; how the pain was festering, spreading, and suffocating your heart, mind, and soul.

You told her about tonight... What you saw... How nice the cheerleader had been, how you couldn't find it in your heart to hate her, and how you didn't know what to do anymore.

You told her how Eddie didn't notice anymore - he couldn't see you - because he could only see Chrissy, and it was slowly killing you.

It took all night to explain, and your mother sat you at the kitchen table. She made you hot tea and plated a few cookies - talking well through the night and into the morning. She wanted to understand everything and as the sun breached the horizon, she was encouraging you to tell Eddie how you felt after reading the same book you had that explained the disease you suffered from.

You told her she was crazy, but she begged you to at least try. She validated that you had the right idea in going to his trailer; she thought that you and Eddie had always been cute, that you'd make a great couple; and though your sense of style had changed again (after it didn't get Eddie's attention, like you'd hoped), she still thought you two complimented each other well. "You balance each other, my dove," she whispered. "Tell him. Please, for your own sake."

So, you bucked up the courage to tell him on Monday. You'd see him at school and couldn't back down, leaving it neutral grounds for you both to be honest and open in. Or, so you hoped.

That morning, you caught Eddie before he could enter the school and asked to talk to him. "Shit, I meant to call you, doll," he breathed, looking at you with concern. "Chrissy said you were upset and showed up at my door - are you okay? What was wrong? I'm sorry I wasn't there."

So, when Chrissy points it out, he pays attention. Instead, you just answered, "It's okay, I'm okay. Um, c-can we go talk? Privately?"

"Of course, yeah, c'mon," he agreed, leading you to the lesser-populated hallway to slip into the old drama classroom that now posed as the Hellfire Club room. Eddie sat on his throne but leaned forward on his knees to hold your hands as you took time to think over in your mind what you wanted to say.

"Eddie," you whispered. "I-I just really need to tell you something, and you have to promise not to hate me after."

He nodded, "I could never hate you, pretty girl, and you know you can tell me anything."

"Right," you sniffled. "Well, um, listen, I just want you to know that I-I value this friendship more than anything, and never want to jeopardize it..."

"Okay, now you're scaring me," Eddie chuckled. His hands squeezed yours, encouraging, "C'mon, sweetheart, what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

You nodded, blurting, "I'm in love with you."

Only the silence stretched between you two like an oversized bubble of Hubba Bubba - popping as your words registered in his mind. His eyes just shot between both of yours, mouth opening to form a word before sighing and shaking his head. Panic and fear gripped your heart, lungs, and mind in a tighter vice than the white chrysanthemums' roots.

"You can't be," he finally whispered brokenly.

A record scratched in your head, "What?"

"You can't be in love with me," his head shook as he repeated his statement. "No, no, you - you can't be."

"Why can't I be? Is it that hard to imagine?"

"Because you're my best friend - you're supposed to be my best friend!" He looked spooked, startled, unsure, and like he was going to have an anxiety attack. "You can't be in love with me, you're just - no!"

"Well, I didn't exactly plan it."

"Just - stop!"

"Stop what?"

"Stop loving me!"

"You don't think I've tried!?"

"Try harder!"

"For fuck's sake, Eddie! You don't think this is hard enough?"

"Well, it'd be easier if you had some kind of restraint!" He snipped, wiping a hand down his mouth. "Shit, I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do about this?"

"I-I don't know!"

"Well, why tell me?"

You gulped, fearing telling him the truth now. Instead, you just whispered, "I-I take it you don't feel the same?"

"Shit, sweetheart," he sniffled, shaking his head, "y-you know I love you but... But no, I-I'm not in love with you."

You nod slowly, blinking even slower, "No?"

"I'm so sorry - fuck, God damn it."

"It's not your fault," you promised. "I-I didn't mean for this to happen, okay? I swear, I didn't want to do this, I never wanted things to change between us."

He nodded sadly, "I get that, I do, but I think I need time to think."

"Wait, what? Think about what, Eddie? L-Like - you need to think about us? You need time to think about us?" You squeaked, panic swelling. You started to cough lightly, that sticky feeling clogging your throat again.

"Yeah," he whispered. "Because I'm with Chrissy and I don't think she would like... This."

Now you understood... "So, because you're dating Chrissy, you can't be friends with me? We've been friends forever, Eddie, why does this have to change things?"

"Because you're in love with me! I didn't want you to be, you were supposed to be my friend. Just my friend!"

"I'm sorry it happened, but why does this mean we can't still be friends? I've dealt with it this long, I can go longer - "

"Because I'm in love with Chrissy, and can't do this to her! For fuck's sake, why'd you have to do this, huh? Why'd you have to fall in love with me right when I got a girlfriend - "

"It didn't just happen, Eddie, I've been in-love with you since middle school! But notice how we stayed friends! Please - please, we can stay friends, this doesn't have to change anything."

He shook his head, standing abruptly, "It changes everything. I gotta go - I just can't be here, I'm sorry."

"Eddie! Please! Wait, just wait, please, let me explain!" You begged, watching him flee the room; the door slamming in an echo around you and forcing the tears teetering in your waterline to fall pathetically. You felt your heart nailing you to the floor, tears falling numbly down your cheeks; hands shaking and coughing getting worse. Your hands finally found feeling again and rose, covering your mouth and nose to catch the splatter.

You hacked as your lungs shriveled to expel whatever clogged them, falling to your knees and needed to use two fingers to reach in the back of your throat to pull a full floral bloom out; blood dripping off of it and from your mouth to soak into the old, dingy carpet. The thorns pierced your finger pads when you rolled the short stem between them, the flower falling into the puddle of blood you'd spat out.

Stumbling to your feet, you kept a tissue in hand and covering your mouth; the material slowly saturating as you punched your mother's number in the outside payphone.

"Mom?" You begged into the receiver, wheezing and sobbing through the pain. Everything had changed, again. "I-I need you to take me to the hospital. Please, Mommy, i-it's hurts. 'S blood everywhere, an-and the pain - Mommy, please, it hurts so bad."

Your mother was pulling up in a skidding halt within 6 minutes. Her rubber tires burned over the pavement, slight smoke wafting into the air to indicate not just her speed, but her harsh stop when she saw your body bolting towards her.

From the side of the school, moments before the first bell rang, Robin Buckley and Nancy Wheeler watched you fully sprint for the car and how fast your mother pulled off, sharing an uneasy look before darting for the same payphone and calling Steve Harrington.

But they couldn't find you all over town, opting to wait at your house instead. They only waited for about an hour before your mother's car was pulling into the driveway.

"You gonna tell them?" Your mom muttered, smiling and waving at the three teenagers.

"Yeah," you whispered. "Doctors said keeping it a secret doesn't make it easier, right?"

She nodded, "For whatever it's worth, my dove, I think you're making the right decision. This took a lot of bravery, but you're going to get better, and you're going to feel better, too."

"I know," you whispered with a watery smile. "Just gonna suck until Thursday."

"I'll call the school, you're gonna be out for recovery for at least 2 weeks."

"Don't forget my post-op appointment," you nodded.

"Right," she agreed, opening her door and triggering you to follow suit. "Hey, kids," she beamed at your worried friends.

They greeted her politely (but enthusiastically) before she was excusing herself and heading for the house. It left you to stand before the three people, who, up until a few years ago, you wouldn't have imagined being real friends with.

Technically, you and Nancy Wheeler had been friends since before Eddie; Robin and Steve coming into your life through inter-dimensional circumstances before choosing to stick around.

"Are you okay?" Nancy asked first, looking the most worried. "We saw you running from school and thought something was wrong."

"So, you blew off school to stalk my house?" you teased lightly, trying to alleviate the pain settling on your heart after leaving the hospital.

"Exactly," Robin crossed her arms. "You ran like something was chasing you - we knew something was wrong. What is it? A-Are you okay? I mean, you looked pretty spooked, we were afraid something else came back - you know - "

"Okay, Robin, yeah," you chuckled lightly, interrupting her rapid words. "Um, I appreciate the concern, but it could've waited."

"Not when you've been acting funny for months now," Nancy shook her head. "Don't think we haven't noticed; you're skinnier, you look like you haven't slept in weeks, you carry tissues around like you're paid for it... What's up with you?"

"And I've clocked the constant nose bleeds," Steve nodded, arms folding against his chest. "Look, if something's going on, you're going to need friends through it, and we're willing to take on the job."

Your heart swelled slightly and you nodded, blinking quickly to keep the tears down. "Um, yeah... Yeah," you sniffled, looking up at them as the emotion couldn't be kept out of your voice, "something's going on, and um... I-I think I would like to tell you guys about it. Do you mind waiting in the backyard? I've gotta grab a book from inside, trust me, it can explain some things better than I can."

Nancy looked nervous as her fingers twisted together; Robin nodding before nudging her along. Steve shifted on his feet and dropped his arms, clearing his throat, "You sure?"

"Yeah," you nodded with a whisper. "Just hang tight."

He nodded with crinkled brows of concern, heading off behind the two girls as you bolted for the front door. Your mother was heard in her room, on the phone, and you dropped your school bag on your bed, snatched up the library book you checked out every year, and made for your backyard.

As kids, you and Nancy loved hanging out here because it was spacious, and your mother had a beautiful garden with patio furniture nestled amongst the greenery. At the white-washed table, Steve, Nancy, and Robin waited together, muttering quietly, and left you to take your seat.

Sighing, you opened the book and slid it forward; Nancy's hands darting to pick it up and read swiftly as you began your tale. After voicing everything to your mother, you had a better idea of how to word it all; starting with when you realized you had a crush on Eddie in the 5th grade, how it festered in middle school, and when you realized you'd only be friends - so, you kept it that way.

You told them about the tiny bits of torn up petals, then how they became intact. Next, you explained how things got worse for you; blooms being coughed out with blood, how Eddie crushed majorly on Chrissy, and then to how everything hit rock bottom.

You explained the petals changed into full blooms, sprouting thorns as you stuffed your feelings deeper inside your cracked heart. You explained the constant pain, the confusion, the sleeplessness, showed them the cuts on your lips and in your mouth; even picking a leftover petal from the inside of your cheek to prove your point.

Steve's hand deftly reached out to examine it.

You explained the mental anguish of loving someone who couldn't love you back; the anguish of being so close - yet so far; and the anguish of knowing you were being killed from the inside, out because you couldn't let go of your overwhelming feelings for Eddie 'the Freak' Munson.

Then... You told them about Chrissy and Eddie at his trailer when you went to tell him the truth. How you confided in your mother for the first time in years. How you were encouraged to tell Eddie - and how it royally backfired, which lead you to today.

To your decision.

To your appointment at the hospital that your mother bullied administration into giving you last minute.

To meeting the cardiothoracic surgeon that diagnosed you with, as the library book highlighted, Hanahaki Disease.

Steve had tears in his eyes; elbows bent on the tabletop to keep his folded hands in front of his mouth, like he was physically suppressing his emotion with the petal laid to the table. Robin stared at you the whole time, never once making you feel as if you were talking to thin air; brows crinkled and perked at appropriate moments, never interrupting.

Nancy had read the entire passage before slamming the book down and letting her tears fall. She listened intently as you explained to the three that you had to choose one of three options, and immediately after that, you told them you had come to a decision.

You'd made the appointment and you were to under the knife that Thursday before returning in two weeks for a post-op check-up that would ensure all of the blooms were cleared from your lungs. And after today, you had discovered the plants were creeping up your esophagus and if you waited, soon, it would kill you.

"Well, why're you upset?" Robin asked gently, reaching for your hand. "This is good, right? Y-You'll be cured!"

You nodded in agreement, but it was Nancy voicing, "She'll forget Eddie completely."

"What?" Steve asked, looking between you and Nancy urgently. "Are you serious?"

"It's the only contingency in exchange for my life," you nodded.

"You've been friends forever," he shook his head, leaning back. "No, I just - I can't believe him. He doesn't love you back? That's just bullshit - c'mon!"

"Steve - "

"No, seriously!" he cut Robin off, her hand tightening in mine. "We've all seen how he looks at you, how he behaves! It doesn't make sense, it's not possible. He's just scared," his head shook still, looking angry with pinched brows. "He's scared and he's not thinking."

"No, Stevie," you whispered, "he understands, and trust me, he doesn't feel the same. It's okay."

"You'll forget your best friend," Steve shook his head. "That's not okay."

"It's a small price to pay, right?"

Nancy nodded, "If it means you're out of pain, and you won't die, yeah, I'd say it's a reasonable price to pay."

You agreed, "It's gonna be okay, but I'll be in recovery until the surgeon okay's me to return to school and normal activity."

"Will you remember why you need the surgery?" Robin wondered.

"Apparently not," you shrugged.

For the next few days, you remained at home and prepared for your operation. Your mother worked extra shifts because she was taking Thursday through TBD in order to take care of you, and your friends visited you everyday.

Nobody spoke of Eddie, who had asked Robin that Wednesday where you were - only to receive a fierce glare and slammed locker in his face. Chrissy's brows furrowed at the aggression, worrying something was wrong with you if your friends were shunning Eddie. She reminded him of how upset you'd been when you showed up at his trailer, his mind flashing to when he found a bloodied white chrysanthemum in the Hellfire room after he left you when you confessed your feelings for him.

He knew that was why you showed up at his trailer that night, and his heart constricted as he grew cold in your absence. He had to admit, if you've had these feelings since middle school, you never let it interfere with your friendship and he was a fool for blowing up at you.

Could it really be that hard to love you? Was the idea that far fetched?

The day of your surgery, your mother and you pushed out of your front door at 4 am to make it to the hospital for pre-op; blood work; all the standard procedures that needed done before you were sliced open and roots carved out of your lungs. And to your honest shock? Steve Harrington was waiting on the street, leaning on his car, dressed in a pair of jeans and an old hoodie.

"What're you doing here?" You wondered, oblivious to your mother's knowing smirk.

Steve shrugged lightly, "Figured you'd want a familiar face around, and Nance and Robin have tests in school today - otherwise, they'd be here, too."

"'Too'?" You repeated with a soft smile.

"Yeah, well, I-I'd still be here," he nodded. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah," you breathed, nodding with a soft smile. "I think I'd really appreciate the, um..."

"Support? Comfort? Seeing my pretty face when you wake up from anesthesia?" He grinned.

"All of the above, Harrington, c'mon," you chuckled, waving him with you. In your mother's car, she kept conversation light as a distraction when your nerves flared the closer you drove to the hospital; the boy in the back doing his best to chime in charmingly. Steve was allowed to stay with you once in the pre-op procedure room (again, your mother bullied hospital admin into letting him stay), and cracked a few really poor jokes while needles were poked into your skin.

Medicine was administered, your hair stuffed into a surgical cap, vitals taken for a final time - and then it was time to go.

When you were wheeled away, Steve squeezed your hand and your mother kissed your forehead; both wishing you luck, reminding you of your brave decision, and sent you down the sterile hallway. While staring up at the blinding, florescent lights of the operating room, a gas mask was placed over your mouth and the anesthesiologist instructing you to count backward from ten... And your heart begged you to change your mind.

Begged you not to erase Eddie. Begged you to jump off that table.

But your mind told only your tongue to move, and you counted, "Ten."

Eddie's soft hair through your fingers, "Nine."

Eddie's stupid grin when he's showing you a new guitar riff he'd mastered, "Eight."

Eddie's laugh, "Seven."

The warmth of Eddie's hugs, "Six."

His hands holding your cheeks, thumbs sweeping to clear your tears as he would coo to you, trying to calm you down, "...Five..."

"She's out," the doctors nodded to one another; scalpels clinking over the sterile table, machines beeping to indicate vital readings, and rubber gloves snapped into place as your hospital gown was peeled away, and disinfecting betadine squirted over your skin.

Across town, in the hallways of Hawkins High, Eddie was pacing by your locker. He looked disheveled, not himself; confused and scared, by what Robin could judge.

"What're you doing here?" she shot venomously, using her hand to push his chest and force him back a step from your locker.

"Where is she?" he begged. "Please, Robin, I know she's hurt - I know I hurt her, but I have to talk to her an-and she hasn't been at school all week. Please - I have to talk to her."

She used your combination to open your locker and set the packet of missed work inside for her to pick up at the end of the day, sneering, "It's too late."

"No, it's not - "

"No, seriously, Eddie," she snapped, the locker slamming in an echo. "It's too late for you. She's let you go, time for you to do the same."

For two weeks, Eddie repeated the last words he'd said to you, how broken you looked when he said he didn't love you. The words you said to him, then how you weren't seen again, to that bloody flower he found, and how Robin, Nancy, and Steve were all giving him the cold shoulder. He thought over what went wrong and every single way he was going to make it up to you, because while he might be in love with Chrissy Cunningham, there was never replacing you - and he needed you.

Eddie needed you.

And his heart sunk to his stomach as he realized how bitter he's turned; shunning Chrissy, becoming testy, canceling Hellfire, and missing you to the point he was tugging his hair out of his scalp and chain smoking cigarettes.

Loving you was easy and maybe he's loved you longer than he's known - longer than he ever wanted to admit. But missing you was hard, and Eddie wasn't accustomed to it.

It was supposed to be easy between you two, but when you confessed your feelings, Eddie felt everything become messy and change. Eddie Munson wasn't very good with change. He missed your laugh, he missed your comfort, a few times he'd even looked up to his bed when he mastered a new guitar riff - and feeling his heart sink in disappointment when he only saw Chrissy.

Granted, she was smiling at him, but it wasn't your smile. Tears filled his eyes when he realized he spent every Friday with Chrissy, finding new ways to impress the cheerleader, and feeling crushed when he remembered he never needed to impress you. You were always proud of him, you always encouraged him, and with a single look, you could say more than ever opening your mouth.

Eddie needed you, and he had ruined any chance of loving you properly. But Edward Munson was stubborn and not willing to give up, not until you were beating him off with a stick. The two of you had been friends forever and he knew you had some fights, but one way or another, someone was always apologizing and together, you could move past the issue. So, until you were telling him to fuck off, he was going to try - because you had never given up on him.

Two weeks of nothing. Two weeks of your home's voicemail. Two weeks of nobody answering the front door. Two weeks of confusion, heartache, and stress. Two weeks of smoking packs of cigarettes, of snapping at Chrissy, of praying to a God he's never prayed to before.

When he saw you that Friday, Eddie's heart leapt into his throat and he gave a strangled gasp before sprinting across the carpark to make it to your side. You were surrounded by Nancy Wheeler and Robin Buckley, all three piling out of Steve Harrington's car - who now leaned on his driver's door, mid-conversation - and he thought you looked more beautiful than ever.

The weight you've lost had slowly built back up now that you weren't constantly vomiting. Your head had cleared, your heart feeling lighter than ever before, your veins racing with helium, and the bags under your eyes had cleared. In fact, your eyes looked clearer than they ever had, and your skin was practically glowing.

God did you look good.

Eddie panted your name, coming to a skidding halt as Steve pushed off his car and looked at you with worry.

Why would Harrington need to worry about you?

"Oh, uh, hi there?" you nodded at him, tugging your binder closer to your chest and sending a cautious look to Robin.

But Eddie's heart was in his throat, "I-I need to talk to you, please."

To his horror, you shook your head, "Um, I don't think we actually have anything to talk about."

"What? No, we have so much to discuss, please, I know I was a jackass and you don't deserve that - "

"Wait, hang on, I-I'm sorry. You don't understand, we don't have anything to talk about," you chuckled weakly, "because I don't know you."

Ice shot into Eddie's veins, stuttering, "W-What? Th-That's not funny, doll, don't joke like that."

You looked at Nancy for support, whispering in a small, panicked voice, "I don't know him, do I, Nance? I don't think I know him."

"No, honey," Nancy assured, smiling softly at you before glaring at Eddie. "He's just a classmate."

Eddie knew Nancy was protective of you but what the hell was going on? What kind of a sick prank was this? Look, Eddie knew he's pulled some mean jokes in his life but this? This wasn't mean, it was cruel, and he didn't find it funny in the least bit.

"What? No - what the hell are you guys talking about?" Eddie begged, looking between the four teenagers. "Sweetheart, it's me - it's Eddie. It's your Eddie, please, what do you mean you don't know me - what's going on? This isn't funny, sweetheart, please, okay? Look, we've known each other a decade, right, how can you - how can you not know me?"

"I'm really sorry, um... Eddie? Was it Eddie?"

His heart shattered, shards stinging as they were pumped through the rest of his body. "Sweetheart, no, please, I just... I'm so sorry, but this isn't funny - "

"Look, I'm really sorry, but this isn't a joke, I really don't know you," your head shook. "And I would remember someone I've known a decade - right?" You asked Nancy again, looking nervous. "I-I don't know him, but he knows me. Nancy, I-I don't understand, I don't know what's wrong. Is something wrong with me?"

"No, honey," she rushed to speak, sending Steve a pointed look when stress made your eyes shine. "You're okay, you're okay, it's okay."

"Okay, hey, hey, hey, okay," Steve stepped in, pushing Eddie back a few steps. "You need to back off, you're upsetting her."

"I'm upsetting her?" he repeated, tears collecting as his feet tried to plant against Steve's force. "She doesn't remember me - "

"Back off, dude," Steve warned.

"I'm really sorry," you called to him, genuine look of distorted pain over your face. "I'm sorry," you repeated to Robin and Nancy, "I-I don't know him, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I-I don't know what's wrong, I'm sorry - "

"Hey, hey, breathe, okay? It's all fine, it's all good, you're okay, I promise, just try to focus on breathing," Robin assured, hand rubbing circles over your back.

"No! Baby! You do know me!" Eddie begged over Steve's shoulder as Nancy turned you away. "Please! No! You know me, baby! Don't do this, please, please, I need you! Sweetheart - please! I need you, and I'm so sorry for what I said! Don't do this! No, please, I-I'm sorry!"

His heart glued itself back together just to shatter once again when Robin took your books to let your hands slap over your ears to block him out as Nancy directed you away - Steve still pushing Eddie back.

"Dude!" Steve snapped with anger coloring his iris' a darker shade, "You're fucking upsetting her!"

"Steve, please - "

"No," Steve shook his head. "You had your chance, and it's too late. Okay? Leave her alone, she doesn't remember and doesn't need you trying to 'remind' her when it's already done, dude. Okay? It's done."

"What the hell does that mean? Please, Steve, I need her - she's my best friend and I can fix this," Eddie begged.

Steve felt fleeting compassion for the other boy, seeing the distress and heartbreak over his face. Steve sighed, glancing back to see you being spoken to softly by Nancy and Robin, assuring you it was okay not to remember the boy with long hair, before turning to look into the eyes that had broken your heart on too many occasions.

"She doesn't remember because you were removed from her memory, Ed, you were just... All of you was removed from her, okay?" Steve sighed finally. "Look, it's hard to explain, but do yourself and her a favor?"

"Anything."

"Go to the library and look this up," he pulled a torn piece of paper from his pocket, handing it over. "It'll explain what was wrong, and you should hopefully be able to piece together why she can't remember you. Don't make this harder, all right? She's finally okay, and you were so sure you didn't want her that it's time for you to be okay without her, too. Don't do this to her, man, you get me?"

"What did I do?" Eddie whispered.

Steve gulped, shaking his head, "You couldn't love her back."

Eddie stood there, piece of paper clutched in his fingertips like the petal of a flower, as Steve turned and headed for you three girls. He lifted his arm to bring you in for a side hug, assuring you that it was okay not to remember - while Eddie stood there, like you had so many times, watching with tears and heartbreak in his eyes.

He didn't go to classes, he obsessively searched books for the Hanahaki Disease Steve told him about; finding his answers, and never finding peace. He had to live everyday watching you really bloom into your own person; becoming more radiant by the passing second, realizing he was draining you of your life before, and how there wouldn't ever be room for him with you now.

When you graduated with an acceptance to your first choice college, you returned home in your cap and gown with a giggling Robin and Nancy; planning on changing and getting ready to hit a few grad parties already. The girls were so excited that you were feeling (and looking) better now that they didn't want to waste anymore time and insisted you all hit a few parties. However, before you could hop up the stairs to your room, a large bouquet of flowers caught your attention.

Sat on your kitchen counter was a thick bouquet of white chrysanthemums. There was no note, no signature, but something in your gut twisted with knowledge. Your fingers reached out to gently stroke the petals before smiling lightly, leaning in to sniff them, and then turn for the stairs to rush up to your bedroom.

All the while across town, a long haired metalhead in a matching green cap and gown, tipped a bottle of Irish whiskey to his lips; a single stemmed white chrysanthemum rolled between his fingers; old polaroid photos scattered around his body on the floor, tears sliding down his cheeks, and regret echoing across his mind.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fics #eddie munson fic #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things x reader #stranger things 4 #stranger things season 4 #requests open

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evilwriter37 · 3 months

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I need more feral Hiccup. Where he has an older brother to take over as Chief of Berk instead so Hiccup can go in all his adventures with Toothless. Maybe being known as "Stoick the Vasts' strange son." He is almost never seen around the village, and when he is, its usually just to work on more crazy inventions or an important family related thing. But even then, he is fidgety because he's not moving around near constantly. He can hang from trees, or anything he can grip onto. He lost his foot in the same way, and brought piece between Berk and the dragons. But he's still hard to control. Once he gets to about 18-19 he is finally allowed to leave the archipelago. He only followed the rule of no leaving the archipelago until a certain age. Once he leaves he finds the ship grave yard and the reaper. He explores it and finds the dragon eye. Keeping it, then making himself a target too Viggo Grimborn. They meet one night while Hiccup is just hanging out in the trees on Viggo's island. Viggo had been on a walk trying to calm down because Ryker is stupid and can't find "The dragon riding pest" who has something that belongs to them, and messes up their plans of capturing, killing and selling dragons. Hiccup was just fidgeting with something on his suit that had come loose, hanging upsidedown from a branch, back facing Viggo, who is rightfully confused. Why was this person hanging upsidedown on a tree branch for starters. And why was he on his island? Who is he?

Viggo realizes who he is once a night fury comes into view, said dragon having noticed Viggo just staring. Hiccup finishes what he was fixing and bends backwards (You know, cause hes flexible, Viggo is a little frightened by the position) to see who was behind him. He knew someone was there, he was just busy fixing something on his suit.

"So, you're the one who has been messing with my hunters." Viggo would start the conversation with. Hiccup would end up just leaving because he didn't (he did) have time for a conversation. They would keep running into each other until Viggo finally gets to see him without a mask covering his face. Viggo is taken back by how green Hiccups eyes are. And the freckles that are all over the boys face.

Obviously, Viggo isn't able to keep the feral dragon boy for long, Hiccup slips away and isn't seen for a couple weeks. In that time, Dagur joins the hunters, claiming to know Hiccup. The next time Hiccup is, somehow, captured, both Viggo and Dagur are there. He looks Dagur up and down and just says:

"Did you get uglier?" Viggo almost instantly falls in love with the way his voice sounds. He begins to become a bit, "a bit", obsessed with Hiccup. (We can go ahead and throw in some whump with this.) He then later learns that he can't keep Hiccup grounded if he wishes to get his love. Slowly, Viggo gets to know Hiccup and slowly stops hunting, killing and selling dragons. More interested in Hiccup. Obviously others are pissed about this, but Viggo doesn't care. Hiccup and Viggo start a romantic relationship over some time, Hiccup being allowed to go on his adventures when ever he wants. Not being grounded and refused the chance to be free, because thats not what Viggo wants. Hiccup always returns covered in mud, leaves, twigs in his hair, and cuts and scrapes. Viggo always help a with those, gives him the whole "You should be more careful out there" talk while doing so.

Oh, that reminds me of this post! I think when you sent this we as a fandom were discussing how Hiccup is more of an adventurer than a chief? This definitely plays into that! Him having an older brother would be super interesting. Wondering how that dynamic would work, and what would happen when others find out about Viggo.

Love their first “meeting”, by the way. Just… Hiccup hanging upside down from a tree and leaving once he’s spotted. Love how Viggo instantly clocks him as the one who’s been upending his operations.

It could be fun if something really bad happened to Hiccup on one of his adventures and Viggo has to go rescue him. The torment of worrying about him, of hoping he gets to him in time, of just not knowing.

Juicy ideas, my friend. Very juicy.

#asks #vigcup #long post

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imjustheremam · 8 months

Text

HANK J. WIMBLETON

Platonic/Romantic Headcanons

Warning: this for not for kids also there will be some spoilers, if you don't like my headcanons please don't complain, also their will be some spoilers at the end.

Platonic

Hank J. Wimbleton, we all know who this grunt is, the best mercenary, assassin, and cold-blooded criminal of Nevada.

Hank is somewhere in his 30s or 40s maybe in his 50s

Hank is no joke, so meeting him will either be your demise, or give you trauma.

But you were lucky to be hired by 2bdamned (aka S.Q), which means Hank WILL have to tolerate you despite he doesn't want to. (this is my headcanon of reader)

Hank isn't the type to befriend since he only cares about missions and killing for his pleasure.

But you somehow befriending HIM the dangerous grunt in Nevada!! You basically made everyone at the S.Q fear for your safety, but hey i won't argue.

If your younger than him like 19 or lower Prepare to be grandchild because he's going to be your GRANDPA, like almost any other grandpa he takes the lead and will kinda protect or train you if your a rookie.

Even if your a medic your going out on missions since that's the reason why 2bdamned recruited you, your the supporter of the team, so Hank is going have to deal with you healing him and the others on missions.(Also Skinner will be teaching you when you get back)

Now if your older like 20 or above, Hank will treat you like Deimos and Sanford, but since you befriended him, he will treat you kindly but still be rude as always.

Hank will still act like a grandpa but if your like more older than the others he will treat you like 2bdamned only you might annoy him a little...

Even if your younger or older, hank will refuse to listen or let you treat his injuries...

But hank will help you on missions and might actually let you be his partner in crime

Now if you were just an average grunt he would've killed you unless you helped him or gave him supplies and BAM you got 1% of his trust, so good luck gaining his trust...

ROMANTIC

Now Hank isn't the type to fall in love or be romantic but hey, we're all simps let's do this.

Ok so Hank is the type of lover to take things slow because he's never been a relationship, he also isn’t much into affectionate things, so don't get too ahead.

So give him sometime, he still new to this. And when he finally gets comfortable, you then can show him your love but teach him please, isn't good at this..

Hank will only date you if your older like in your 20s or 30s, afterall he is kinda old (so those who are younger, sorry but your nothing but a grandchild to him or a random ass kid with a knife).

Hank will act like normal but he will show his kindness and love when both of you are alone, he likes to keep the relationship in secret, because he doesn't want anyone to find out especially when he has so many enemies after him.

Hank is overprotective when he on missions with you and will sometimes try his best to treat your injuries(yeah your gonna have to help him)

If your relationship gets bigger and better hank will act a little confident and might try to flirt with you when your alone with him, he will also try his best to hug you or kiss you.

But since hank can't kiss he will bonk his head softly to yours, while you give him a peck on his metal jaw or cheek.

But for his flirting it sounds like a threat but in a loving way

Hank would spy on deimos and Sanford just to learn to flirt alittle better (but sometimes he gets caught spying)

Hank is not stupid he still understand what affectionate hugs, cuddles and more but will pretend not to know just to see you teach him how or he's just doesn't want to be soft in public.

Now if the relationship is now at its highest, hank will no longer hide his relationship with you and deimos will tease the living sh!t out of you and hank...maybe...

Deimos will also help hank which hank will mostly refuse due to not liking the annoying pyro-maniac, but hank will try...maybe

2bdamned didn't actually approve of this but didn’t argue, 2bdamned let this slide since he wants you and hank to finish missions...

Sanford and Deimos actually worry about you having a relationship with Hank, like...your dating a grunt that tried to kill them (watch or play madness combat: project Nexus 2 you'll understand)

Also the A.A.H.W will also try to kidnap you or kill you just to make hank suffer...

When you and hank date, he would prefer the date to be private and secure because of A.A.H.W, Tricky, Jebus, Bandits and everyone that's trying to kill him

During dating hank will most likely keep staring at you because he doesn't know what to say or do but, but he won't lie he loves staring at you, it makes him special.

Oh but just because your dating and he loves you doesn't mean he's gonna stop being rude, he always will be rude but he goes 25% soft on you.

Your compliments and flirts will make him get flustered, to the point he might start shaking violently.

Also he will flirt with you aswell just to make you get flustered or embarrassed,

BONUS AND SPOILER ALERT!!!⚠

Remember about what I said that hank tried to kill Sanford and Deimos well, if you dated hank before destroying the project nexus.

Well Hank would still try to kill Sanford and Deimos, you however would be the one Hank will hesitate you kill...

Yandere behavior would've kicked in if he actually killed Sanford and Deimos

But we all or half of us know Hank lost the fight, so you would've try to revive his body or take him to 2bdamned,

you would not interact with him until you finally have the courage or hank would apologize to you by buying some hotdogs...

If hank won the fight, you be missing your legs as hank kill deimos and Sanford, after that hank give you one last soft bonk in the forehead before... finishing the mission... and yeah the end

" I'm sorry y/n.. but I can't have you stop me... " he said as he stares down at you, seeing your legs were cut off by his sword as you watch in horror, in pain...hurt.... he crouches down and leans his head, until both his and your foreheads touched as you close your eyes slowly and... fall alseep... forever

Its is all I could imagine hank also I'm working on the main 4 yandere request but my part-time job took away all my days off but I'm close to finishing it...

#madness combat x reader #hank j wimbleton x reader #madcom x reader #madness combat headcanons #yandere madness combat #Madness Combat reader insert

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listerbirdloml · 22 days

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this was probably from ages ago but some fun asks for you; favorite lister headcannons? [I]

OOH idk man i’m shit at head cannons ALSO THIS WAS SAT IN MY DRAFTS FOR AGES IM SO SORRY I THOUGHT I POSTED IT

- well in my mind i always read him with a northern english accent and i’m not sure why. i know he’s from kent like Rowan + Jimmy but he just gives off northern vibes idk. and after learning that his dads scottish i can also see him using lots of Scottish slang terms.

- i think he’s a slag for a bit of pop too. Britney, Ariana, Taylor, Reneé, you name it. he gets a bit embarrassed though so he turns off his AirBuds when he wants to listen to girly pop music. he has the widest music taste out of the ark, so his Spotify wrapped is always mental. he posts them every year and not once has the same song appeared in his top listened to

- ik he’s not like blonde blonde but i think his natural hair is a lot darker but he’s been dying it blonder since he first met Jimmy and Rowan. when the ark are on hiatus he lets it grow out to his natural colour for a bit.

- he tried to grow a stache one time but Rowan shaved it while he slept. Also he didn’t know how to shave when he first met Jimmy and Rowan, so Pierro taught him. Pierro also taught him how to tie a real tie rather than use a clip on one.

- Joan LOVED lister. she would always fuss over him when he would come over. When he’d come round he would help her in the garden, but really he was terrible and Joan would always have to fix his mistakes. when he told her about how he and his mum would listen to albums together when he was little, she began showing him her collection of old records from when she was a teen/young adult. when she died she left Lister a few of his favourites. Lister keeps them hidden at all times so when he was hosting parties there was no chance they’d get damaged. after they stopped having so many people over Lister kept them displayed in the living room.

- i think that before he and Jimmy got together he had healthy and fun relationship with someone unrelated. it’s not anything ridiculously serious but it helps him see what he should realistically be looking for and what he deserves. it’s not like he’s using the person though, and he actually really likes them. they eventually end things amicably though, and stay good friends.

- it says on the WIKI article alice wrote for him that he has three half siblings. as far as i can think there’s no canon information about them other than that, so i like to HC that they are all from his dads second marriage and they don’t talk much since Lister hasn’t been to visit his dad in years. the ages are;

1.) Lister (19-20)

2.) a sister who’s like 17ish, she’s super embarrassed about the whole ark thing and is reluctant to rebuild a relationship with him again when he reaches out to her post IWBFT, because she remembers how he used to constantly fight with their dad when he’d come over for christmas / two weeks in the summer holidays. when they do start to reconnect and get closer she helps him bond with their dad too. (maybe she’s called Maya?)

3.) a younger brother who’s 13ish and a total TWAT. they look really similar and he’s just like how Lister was in school but he’s hilarious and really admires Lister. somehow he’s stupid smart though, even if he’s class clown. i think he reaches out to Lister when he’s still in the hospital after the incident. i also think it would be funny if the younger brother’s celebrity crush was Jimmy but his image of jimmy is completely shattered when he meets him properly. (i call him Brodie in my head)

4.) his youngest sister who’s like 7 who barely remembers lister but once they get closer she has him wrapped around her little finger. he almost bought her a horse once but Jimmy and Rowan had to remind him that a 7 year old who lives in a city centre can not logistically look after a whole horse. (i think her names Eilidh)

- the ark move from the flat into a house just outside london and he makes sure they all have a room so they can visit whenever they want to.

- after getting to know them better, he gets really close with Angel and Juliet. the three of them and Bliss have “girls” nights in the arks flat. when Listers hair grows they teach him how to pleat it. he gets really good and when he starts seeing his half siblings again he pleats his sisters hair for them)

sorry idk man i yapped a bit 🤷‍♀️

#this was so much longer than i intended it to be #but you brought this horse to the water and by god was she thirsty #answering asks #i was born for this #iwbft #osemanverse #alice oseman #the ark #jimmy kaga ricci #lister bird #rowan omondi #bliss lai #juliet schwartz #angel rahimi

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bloody-bee-tea · 4 months

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24 Days of Satosugu 2023 Day 19 - Seams

When Suguru’s hair falls in his face, undone from his usual bun because his damn hair tie broke, he wishes he could pound the curse into the ground once more. He knows it’s a stupid reason, but he already feels bad enough after fights as it is, and now with his hair undone it’s just annoying him to no end.

“Fucking hell,” he mutters, even as the curse pushes against his throat, tries to crawl back out and Suguru slaps a hand to his mouth.

His mood drops further when some strands of hair get caught between his hand and his mouth and if he was certain the curse would stay where it currently is he would scream.

“You okay?” Satoru asks almost casually, stepping up next to Suguru.

“Fine,” he presses out, his hand still covering his mouth and his hair still flying unbound in the breeze.

“Do you need a hair tie?” Satoru wants to know and Suguru’s eyes slide over to him, and he hopes he can convey the blinding fury he experiences right now with them.

It’s a stupid question because Suguru never wears his hair down if he can help it, especially not during or after a fight—throwing up after fights with unbound hair is just a hard no for him—and Satoru knows that damn well.

Or at least Suguru thought he did.

“I have a spare if you need it,” Satoru then offers him, fishing the hair tie out of his pocket and offering it to him.

Suguru blinks at it.

“That’s my brand,” he then presses out, completely confused as to why Satoru would simply carry something like that around with him.

It’s not as if Satoru needs them, after all.

“Yeah, I know. So. Do you want it? Do you need help with your hair? I can’t do a bun, but a pony tail is no problem,” Satoru says, motioning at Suguru’s unbound hair.

“Why do you have that?” Suguru asks, still too stuck on the matter of the hair tie to even consider Satoru’s other questions.

“I always carry at least one with me?” Satoru says, tilting his head in confusion. “You sometimes forget to bring a spare, so I do it for you.”

The admission leaves Suguru speechless.

“Is that a problem?” Satoru asks when Suguru’s shock lasts for too long, and the hand that’s holding the hair tie is slowly moving down.

“No, of course not,” Suguru is quick to say, reaching out to wrap his fingers around Satoru’s wrist. “I’m just—thank you,” he finally breathes out. “A pony tail would be good. Just. Get that hair out of my face.”

“Will do,” Satoru immediately promises and moves behind Suguru, carefully sliding his fingers into Suguru’s hair to gather all of it. “Bang in or out?” he wants to know and there is so much kindness—and love, though Suguru doesn’t dare to linger on that thought for too long—in the way he’s handling Suguru at the moment that Suguru feels like crying.

“In, please,” he whispers, because the curse is still fighting him and there is still that possibility that he’s going to throw up any second now.

Satoru does what he was told, gets all the hair out of Suguru’s face, gets it off his neck where it annoyed him to no end and then ties it all of with the hair tie.

With the hair tie he specifically brings for Suguru.

“There, all done,” Satoru says after a moment and steps around to look at his work. “Well, I’m not going to win any awards for it and for once no one is going to flirt with you on our way back, but it’ll do the job until you can take a shower and rest.”

“Maybe you’ll just have to practice more,” slips past Suguru’s lips without his conscious thought and Satoru stares at him in surprise.

“Eh, sure? I mean, I can, if the lack of a bun still upsets you. I can totally learn, no problem, as long as you show me how to.”

It’s—not quite what Suguru meant but at least he will get Satoru’s fingers back into his hair like this and really, that’s all Suguru could ask for.

“I can,” Suguru promises him and Satoru grins at him.

“Perfect. Now, a quick snack or home?” he wants to know, clearly conscious of the way Suguru is still pressing the back of his hand to his mouth.

“Home, please,” Suguru gets out, even though normally it does help if they stop for a snack along the way.

But this curse is fighting something fierce and Suguru doesn’t want to eat anything only to throw it all up in an alleyway minutes later.

“I still have these little cakes in my room, we’ll do those today,” Satoru decides and drags Suguru along the way, clearly already mapping out the quickest path. “And I’ll keep a straight line to the bathroom free of clutter, just for you,” he adds with a cheeky grin over his shoulder and Suguru can feel a small smile curl around his lips, despite everything.

“Why don’t we go to my room, then you don’t have to upset your clutter?” he offers and Satoru beams exaggeratedly at him.

“Aw, Suguru, I knew you loved me,” he sing-songs, clearly happy to be able to leave his clutter alone.

He’s no longer paying attention to Suguru, and Suguru fights the urge to reach out, turn his face around until he can look him straight in the eyes and tell him that yes, he does love him.

He’s been fighting that urge for the last few months, though, so his hands stay right where they are and he simply nods along with whatever nonsense Satoru is spouting at the moment. Suguru is certain he just heard him call one of the clutter heaps a name, but he’s not going to question that.

Just like he’s not going to question his own feelings for this impossible boy.

~*~*~

Suguru makes his way straight to Satoru’s room after his training session with Nanami, even though his hair tie broke—again—and he needs a replacement like immediately. But he still remembers how Satoru so very naturally offered him one and he just hopes that Satoru still keeps some in his room.

“Hey, I’m here,” Suguru calls out, letting out a deep sigh when he hears the shower running.

They agreed on a set time. Suguru is already late. For Satoru to still be showering must mean he only got in there after their agreed time passed and for a split second Suguru is annoyed.

There was no reason for him to rush here, no reason for him to only quickly hop under the community shower instead of going back to his own room and enjoy a long one, like Satoru is clearly doing at the moment.

“Just a sec!” Satoru calls back, though they both know it will be more than just a second and Suguru sighs again.

He dares to stick his head into the bathroom, keeping his eyes fixed on the floor, lest he sees anything; even Satoru’s silhouette behind the shower curtain would be too much for him to take and Suguru is well aware of that.

“Do you have a spare hair tie?” he calls out allowing himself a small chuckle when Satoru yelps in the shower.

“Suguru!” he chides him but then actually answers his question. “There should be one on my bedside table,” he tells him and Suguru leaves him to his shower without another comment.

By the time Satoru will be done, Suguru will be long asleep on the couch, he already knows it, but still, he can’t find it in him to mind.

It’s still time he spent with Satoru.

Suguru goes over to Satoru’s bed, finding the hair tie on the table next to it without problems but when he reaches out for it, he freezes.

That’s not his brand. That is very much not his brand, not the brand Satoru bought specifically for him last time and Suguru’s mind starts whirring.

He’s bursting at the seams with questions, though they can all be summed up into one devastating one: who left this here?

It’s clear that this isn’t Suguru’s; it’s also just as clear that Satoru didn’t buy this one for him. That means he either bought this for someone else or someone else left this here and Suguru honestly doesn’t know which answer he hates more.

“Did you find it?” Satoru asks from behind him, and Suguru flinches. He didn’t even notice that he turned the shower off.

“Yeah,” he gets out, a thousand questions still on his tongue and Satoru must notice that something is off, because he steps up to Suguru.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Suguru repeats and then forces himself to turn to Satoru. “You’d tell me if you wanted me to not drop by so often right? I mean, I can call ahead or announce myself or whatever, but you’d tell me, right?”

Suguru doesn’t want to know the answer to this, doesn’t even want to be thinking about this at all, but the hair tie in his hands in a little bit frilly and not black and it just screams at Suguru that a girl must have left this here.

“Sure?” Satoru unsurely gives back, clearly not knowing what’s going on. “But why would I?”

“So you don’t have to worry about me barging in when you brought a girl over?” Suguru asks even though his heart feels like breaking in his chest.

It seems like now it’s Satoru’s turn to be caught completely off guard because he keeps blinking at Suguru as if his words don’t make any sense.

“Where did I lose you?” Suguru forces himself to ask eventually and it seems to reboot Satoru.

“Maybe at the point where I bring girls over? How would I even get anyone past Yaga?” he wants to know and that’s a valid question.

“Well, how did you?” Suguru asks, wondering what masochistic tendencies he just unearthed in himself because he doesn’t want to know, doesn’t want to know how Satoru slips his one-night stands—oh gods, Suguru hopes they are just one-night stands—past their teacher and yet the question is now out there.

“I didn’t?” Satoru gives back and Suguru raises the hair tie accusingly at him.

“This says otherwise.”

“This? What the hell, Suguru,” Satoru breathes out and then starts to laugh, clearly relieved about something. “This is yours.”

“This is not mine,” Suguru immediately refutes because he damn well knows his own hair ties, and this is not one of them.

“No, I mean, it’s for you. They didn’t have your usual brand last time I went to buy some but I was running low and didn’t want to risk running out altogether. So I just bought these. Did you really think I brought a girl over who forgot it here?” Satoru wants to know and Suguru can feel himself flush in embarrassment.

“Well, it’s a reasonable assumption to make,” he tries to defend himself and then goes completely still when Satoru drops his head to Suguru’s shoulder.

“No, it’s not, Suguru, not with you right here. Hell, I buy you your damn hair ties because I know how much you hate having your hair undone and that you always forget to bring some and you think I have girls over regularly?” Satoru wants to know and Suguru’s heart feels as if its going to beat right out of his chest. “How would I when you’re right here?”

He doesn’t say it in a way that makes Suguru believe he’s talking about him barging in unannounced, but rather in a way that makes it seem as if he has difficulties seeing anyone but Suguru and Suguru dares to raise his hand, tangles it in Satoru’s shirt and desperately holds on.

“Don’t ever bring girls over,” Suguru whispers out and shivers when Satoru chuckles, his breath hitting Suguru’s skin.

“I’m gay, Suguru.”

“Then don’t ever bring boys over,” he immediately adds. “No one, except me.” His voice breaks off into a whisper there at the end and Satoru steps closer, slinging his arms around Suguru’s middle.

“No one except you,” he agrees and brushes his lips over the skin at the base of Suguru’s throat. “The same goes for you, though. No one but me.”

“No one but you,” Suguru gives back without hesitation, reaching up and burying his hand in Satoru’s hair. “It’s been you for a while, anyway.”

“Yeah, well same,” Satoru petulantly gives back and then finally lifts his head to look at Suguru. “Always you,” he says, his eyes burning into Suguru’s and Suguru can’t find his voice to give the sentiment back, so he leans forward and brushes their lips together.

It seems that’s answer enough for now because Satoru beams at him, his eyes crinkling with how happy he is.

He leans in again, and again and again, and by the time they part Suguru is kind of glad he didn’t have time to put his hair up yet. He’d have to redo it again, at this point and just to make his initial hesitation even more worth it, he pulls Satoru in for even more kisses.

By the time they part for good, Suguru doesn’t just need a hair tie, but also a brush, but Satoru is more than willing to help him untangle the mess he made.

And Suguru is more than happy to let him.

#bt writes #jjk #satosugu #24 days of satosugu 2023 #hair ties #misunderstandings #jealousy #fluff #hurt/comfort #love confessions #getting together

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melimata613 · 2 months

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As a woman who is 30 years old, I’d like to say I think I know a thing or two about myself. I’ve had the “ability to get pregnant “ for 2 decades now and going on my 3rd. I remember vividly when I got my first menstrual cycle my mother was almost a little too happy about it. She went on and on about now being able to create a life and carry inside. For as long as I can remember have never had any want or desire to take care of children or to have my own. I remember saying to her that I did not want to be a “young woman” and did not want to be “able to make a child.” I was 10 at the time and she had just laughed at what I said. And for many years after that, she continued to scoff and roll her eyes at the thought of me not wanting to be a mother.

Growing up I did not like hanging out with children my age. I always wanted to be with the adults. I have never looked at a mother and thought gee I want that. Nothing about motherhood interests me. Not getting pregnant. The act of childbirth. Taking care of the said child. Or dealing with school functions, recitals, games, and or anything to do with child events.

I do not wish any ill or pain to any children. I get mad when I hear or see mistreatment. But do I wish to step into the role to fix it, no.

I grew up with parents that I do not believe should have had children. They were young and children themselves at the time. My mom was pregnant at 18 and again at 19 and again at 21. That always seemed nuts to me.

I remember being forced against my will to take care of my cousins growing up. Did not appreciate. I understand that adults need time but I am not your resident babysitter especially when I was 16 or so when that shit would happen.

Growing up in LV I would always see large families of unruly children and it always upset me. The lack of supervision of the kids I truly did not understand. I know that kids are still learning but as an adult and their parent you should be teaching them right from wrong. Right? Your child should not be screaming at the top of their lungs because you didn’t want to buy them a stupid toy. Your child is not supposed to be climbing up strangers and asking for what they are eating. Don’t you touch them stranger danger???

Kids are gross to me. They shit on themselves. They throw up on themselves. They piss on themselves. They always get dirty no matter what. They smell. I don’t understand why they are always sticky. It is just not for me.

I do not have the patience nor do I want to gain the patience. I feel for kids the way someone might feel about animals. Some people are not pet-friendly people. Which I get. I am not too crazy about dogs. I prefer dogs over kids. And I prefer cats over dogs.

Just a rant. I got to the point where I am tired of acting like I can just suffer in silence with children around when I can’t. They are too loud for my comfort. Top hyper and active for my comfort. Hate when I catch one just staring at me. Like no. I can not.

I can choose to avoid them as much as possible and that is what I want to do. No offense to any parents. I just feel indifferent to every child.

Now that I have explored social media and just the internet I know that I am not alone. I am a child-free woman who does not like children. Just because I have ovaries and a fucking vagina does not mean I automatically love children and want to step into a role to take care of them and love them.

Plenty of people become parents that should not be. Plenty of people wish to be one but can’t. Life is shitty sometimes. I doubt my thoughts of children will change since I am 30 and it has never floundered but who knows.

I am done faking a smile when your annoying child annoys me. Will I be mean to them no but I will walk away and not engage. I think my patience is at negative at this point in my life.

#childfree #woman #a rant #chicago

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freaky-munson · 2 years

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and i thought we were meant to be forever

navigation

hi guys!! it is a little bit different than what i had in mind during writing it’s teaser but i couldn’t bring myself to make it that angsty - if you want more heartbreaking version let me know

story that began in high school when steve was still an asshole

steve harrington x reader

warnings: angst; slight fluff in the end

words: 2,794

present

there were many things Steve Harrington regretted in his 19 years old life. he was sure that great amount of them he didn’t even remember properly, spending most of his high school years partying and drinking till unconsciousness.

the thing what would make him cringe the most was dating Nancy - at least dating Nancy that long to make her call him and their whole relationship bullshit; he knew it was mistake, almost from the beginning of their relationship. he saw the longing looks either Nancy or Jonathan would send each other. but of course he chose to ignore it due to his “King Steve” era - because how could he, the most handsome, funny and athletic guy lose a Hawkins’ princess to some weird loser.

sometimes he wished he befriended other people. tommy and carol were bullies from the beginning, laughing at others’ expense - that flag should be red enough to stop him from hanging out with them. although, then what? he would be left alone, with no one to talk with during lunch, maybe some guys would even plead to remove him from basketball team because “he wasn’t in the clique anymore” and that - besides swimming team - was the only thing bringing him joy those days.

the only thing he left in the dark parts of his memories was brief romance with shy girl in sophomore year of high school. he felt kind of bad that he didn’t even try to learn her last name, maybe that was his way of coping with this whole blue situation; in that sad part of his life where he was real asshole, with capital A, he didn’t have any thoughts of trying to reach the girl, trying to ease the situation.

„Why can’t you just say it?!”

“I have nothing left”

“Are fucking kidding me? You go around telling all of our friends some fucked up shit about me and you dare to lie straight to my face that you don’t have anything against me?”

“It isn’t fucked up shit if it’s 100% sure! Why would I use my energy to talk to you when you never listened to me? It’s surprising that you pulled your head out of your selfish ass and actually paid attention to others!”

“You know what - I don’t fucking care anymore. We are done. I’m so tired of you belittling me and trying to gaslight me. I hope that you will grow up someday, Steve.”

“If I knew you were such a bitch, I would never agreed to take that bet. If Tommy didn’t pay me 50 bucks you would always remain that sad, insecure virgin that no one wants. So be glad cause I actually made you a little bit desired. Cause you couldn’t do that on your own, obviously.”

there was no shame in admitting that, no point in lying; because in the end it was true and everybody was aware of it.

now, after getting his own ass beaten intermittently in the past made him act with hint of humility. perhaps it was his slightly crooked nose from being broken one too many times that made him think about fucking this stupid hierarchy, learn some compassion, start to actually think about his future rather than live in the present, spending daddy’s money and sleeping around with every volunteering girl.

was that new lifestyle worth all the hustle? one could say no, it cost him his title, popularity, long queue of waiting girls. for steve though, it was refreshing, the wake up call he needed for the long time.

and that helped him actually find good friends; robin who he worked with, who was big part in his change; dustin getting the role of younger brother who felt more like his family than his own blood parents; nancy and jonathan - what made him the most surprised - they were huge help with correcting his SATs results to get him better chance at college. even eddie munson worked his way into close friends group.

maybe earlier he was treated with more seriousness and some weird teenage respect - being the person all guys wanted to be and all girls wanting to be with. right now when he was called dingus, mom of the group, the hair, the best babysitter - he didn’t mind; he knew that it was all meant in love, fun, it had sincere tone, not like the previous praises.

did he ever think about repairing his mistakes? yes, he mend amends with byers boy, even upgraded from enemies to neutral acquaintances with one and only billy hargrove.

albeit his conscience wasn’t peaceful yet. his heart and soul couldn’t deal with the fact of this one ill-fated bet that made that pretty girl leave town. cause he knew that no coincidence would magically take place in the same time his harsh and cruel words did just to make him feel better.

he asked about her his girl-friends; both of them heard rumours, even knew personally y/n but in the end only the pair knew what exactly happened. even then, y/n remained as sweet as she was the whole time, never wanting to harm anyone the way she was treated. it only made steve feel even worse; how could he behave like that? not remembering anything specific about the girl, besides few little happy, now seeming meaningless moments, didn’t stop him from constantly having flashbacks of these hurtful words. and wishing he would do it all again, but differently.

what made him shiver was the fact that at that moment he almost meant every single word.

because if asked what was she like, he would immediately answer “beautiful like an angel, with even prettier smile”; because of course he was aware of her beauty and disgusting comments of her body, connected to this fact, he heard almost daily in the men locker room

“i would fuck her bare, i’m sure her cunt is like a wonderful glove”

“have you seen her boobs? she could suffocate me with them”

“and that juicy ass, if she won’t give herself to my fortunately i know a way”

as much as he was a jerk, he was respectful; and talking about any girl that objectifing way made him mad. so when the opportunity came he firstly agreed to that “ask her out” bet. in a way he wanted to be a hero, but part of him wanted to get her, to make him look even more like a king in peers’ eyes.

but besides the part of her being not desirable, at that moment his 16 years old self was almost sure he was telling the truth.

they had multiple fights earlier, as any young couples, he couldn’t count how many times carol and tommy were breaking up and getting back together.

but the arguments weren’t the worst. what he mostly disliked about the girl was how genuine she was; she was selfish but in the way steve was jealous about - she fought for herself, if she set her mind on something, she would do it. but her slight egoism didn’t hurt anyone - unlike his.

y/n was actually gradually making him better version of himself; she introduced him to her friends, who were way more pleasant than his own; she forced him to learn and read more. at first he didn’t mind, it was nice change of environment, the problems started to build up when those amendments have been seen by tommy and the rest. steve, having no parents around, wanting some kind of appreciation, couldn’t been seen as a pussy. it was around that time were he stared rumours about her being freak in the sheets, describing her body in detailed way, shown for his eyes only.

when she didn’t like those, he stared calling her slut and bitchy prude, not knowing how to have fun; to make it worse, all the new friends she made during her relationship with steve turned her back to her, valuing their reputation over the truth the girl wanted to share.

the fight where he screamed at her was the day he admitted to himself that he stared to fall for the girl. but he couldn’t, it was only a bet and his great “friends” would eat him alive if he backed out of this challenge; it would also bring more prats her way, trying to mount her just to show their toxic masculinity. then he did what he thought was the best - he pushed her away, made her less attractive to other people, running away from responsibilities. just because he was not man enough to abandon his toxic friends to choose girl who made him feel hundreds times happier.

so after almost these 3 years, he still told himself that he actually saved her. those words they threw around during the breakup which led the girl away were for him just a small price for this high award of peers’ acceptance and girl’s freedom from creeps.

only that allowed him to forget and hide this in the back of his mind.

to be honest, he had no idea what he would say to y/n if she came back to hawkins; “i’m sorry” in this situation seemed almost stupid; it couldn’t take back any pain the girl experienced that day. he destroyed her self-confidence to the point, she would rather pack her bags and leave for some private school

and y/n really tried to be tough; she has been building her bad, stone cold bitch image for the whole first half of the high school. but these words hit her hard. hard enough to make her decision to leave Hawkins for private school so much easier.

would she change her decision if she had a chance? maybe. she left her friends, her family, her whole life. but it the end she was glad; hawkins was small, sometimes suffocating. and new york? it opened so much new perspectives. new friends, new environment, new teachers. college now seemed like a beautiful continuation of the dream, not the only way to escape small town life.

it also made her think about this whole steve situation; after moving in to her dorm, she had plenty time to think. even when the boy hurt her incredibly she couldn’t bring herself to hate him; in those little moment of his sincerity, she saw that he was small, insecure boy with no support from his closest family. it took her a little more time to forgive him but in the end she did. ‘make love, not war’ they said.

but with this whole understanding came curiosity; she had just one question; why?

fortunately for her, less for him, she had quite opportunity to came back to indiana. she couldn’t imagine not being able to participate in her dearest older sister’s wedding day.

hawkins didn’t specifically change; it still was a small town, full of family houses and this hint of mysteriousness; as it was nearing the end of summer it was full of teenagers and young adults trying to enjoy their last free days;

y/s/n being the introvert her whole life, didn’t want his huge bridal party what only could make her feel anxious and uncomfortable - so y/n being this great sister planned a rom com movie night in the recess of their peaceful backyard.

the obvious place to get the movies was family video. as she wasn’t aware of this new steve era, all the more so she was shocked to see harrington there; was it another stupid bet of his?

but seeing him honestly smiling and bickering with the short haired girl, made her not so sure. did the miracle happen and steve harrington actually become nice and somewhat normal person?

“well mr harrington this is the last place i would imagine seeing you in. and additionally as a worker? actually you may be human not walking ass!” the happy joking tone of her voice made steve almost jump out of his body; was the heat so big that he fainted and it was all in his dream? why it appeared now a after so much time?

“y/n?”

“in the flesh! how are you?”

steve didn’t like it; he was aware that she was one of the nicest people alive, only wearing mask of cold bitch, but he couldn’t believe she was actually nice to him.

“been good. been better, worse too. you cut your hair.”

y/n smiled a little; she knew that the boy was feeling like in some weird ass dream, his face now was much more expressive than when he was 16 years old, only starting to become a young man.

“yeah, i thought that it would match more the whole new york vibe. i’m actually glad i met you though.”

“i’m sorry but i’m not going to pretend it’s normal situation anymore.” removing his vest he turned his head to his coworker and grabbed his car keys from the cupboard “i’m taking my lunch break. and we are going to talk”

shrugging her shoulders, y/n followed her ex boyfriend to his car. the somehow pleasant silence taking place in the car made their drive to local diner seemed almost like they were some best friends, never needing to talk to understand each other.

“i don’t want to seem more jerkish than i already am in your eyes, but what game are you playing?”

“steve, i don’t know what you mean. i made a slight mistake of leaving abruptly, not wanting to resolve our problems by communication as we should. i want to know the reason why we didn’t made it through.”

“y/n, we didn’t survive because i was a stupid boy. there was no chance because as much as i cared about you then, i cared about popularity more. how can you still talk to me after all those things i said. after the bet i took. are you trying to get revenge? go for it, cause so you know, i kinda grew up, just as you asked me. i reflected my life and i have been so disappointed in myself that it made me realise that i’m not surprised that for such a long time i didn’t have real friends. so whatever you do, won’t even hurt me any more than i already hurt myself.”

y/n was surprised; she never thought about some revenge; it was stupid, childish and unnecessary. she believed in second chances. she saw them as new, blank piece of paper to write a new story

“i’m not here for revenge. i just wanted the whole picture, not only my assumptions. which may be stupid, cause i’m hanging onto something from time long ago. to be honest i knew about the bet from the beginning. it wasn’t natural for one of the most popular boys go for quiet, bookwormish girl. just i’m curious why did you lie to whole school? as i remember being slut and prude was quite accomplishment” steve clearly saw that the girl was still as genuine as she was then. her eyes were laughing, telling him she overworked all that high school drama and was above it. he just couldn’t understand why she forgave him that easily “i see that you are still beating yourself with all of this. i really forgave you. i cherish those moments where you showed me your true self, i clearly see in you right now, because it helped me understand that it wasn’t you in that moment”

“as cheesy as i may sound, i chose to cut you to protect you. from myself for the most part. i stared to fall for you, and it was something new. feelings i have never felt before, which have never been shown to me. besides as i mentioned i cared about my status so when guys stared to mock me for falling in love with you, i tried to defend my honour in return ruining yours. and i’m really sorry for that. hearing what those other guys said about you, made my blood boil, so i tried to remove their attention from you, shitty way i know.”

“i cared about you too. even then where you treated me like shit. maybe we should talk then, like normal, adult people”

“except that we weren’t adults then, at least i wasn’t. even now i don’t think i have an adult mindset like you”

“it takes years of practice dear friend. i think i want to really get to know your new personality steve harrington. now that there is no obstacles in our way.”

“you know what, i think that’s a great idea. can i tell you a secret?” y/n nodded vigorously smiling like and idiot “in my nice moments i always had a feeling our story won’t end where it stopped 3 years ago”

“i will tell you a secret too. in our cute little moments i always thought we were meant to be forever.”

taglist

@555stargirl555 @bibliophilewednesday @junglecoxk @justanothersepticeyefan @clxire-clxrrisse

#stranger things imagine #steve harrington angst #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x reader

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larry-is-my-anchor1 · 2 months

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Rewatching Teen Wolf all over again because it’s my comfort show.

The last time I rewatched I recognized how JD took mythology and pretty much shat on it. It appears he thinks the fans are stupid.

And it’s not my first time at rewatching (as again my comfort show), because I noticed on a previous occasion that most of the writing had discrepancies. Like was the sherif there or not when his wife died? And how old really is Derek? First he was only 19. Then Derek was made older because guessing since the fans liked the scenes between Hoechlin and O’Brien. Like JD really thought the fans would forget his age was changed?

Also where does Stiles get his nickname from maternal or paternal grandfather? Discrepancies from the first season episode 5 to the season where he was taken by the ghost riders.

In season 2 when Gerard says to Allison she’s almost eighteen but in season 1 she turns 18. wtf!

In season 3 Lydia alludes to Stiles not being human when she says to leave the figuring out to someone human, when they didn’t know who was doing the sacrificing.

Now I’m focusing on how literally JD shat on Derick Hale. Repeatedly. It wasn’t bad enough this character was abused as a child, but then his entire family was brutally murdered. Then he’s left alone and just more crap keeps happening to him. Of course the first thing he does is try to get a pack. He can’t be an omega.

He’s also dealing with trauma of being in shame, the his family is murdered, which adds even more shame and more trauma because he feels responsible for the deaths Derek’s also only a few years older than Scott, Stiles and the rest. He’s not going to be amazing at being an alpha initially. He’s a traumatized older teen or young adult. He didn’t want to be an Alpha. Nor was he ever given a proper chance. He didn’t have guidance. Wtf Deaton. You couldn’t help him?

Beginning of season 3 when they had to do the ice bath sub consciousness thing with Isaac why did it take two wives to hold Isaac down. Poor Isaac whose already been through to much had to have claws in his neck and then practically drowning. But only took one person to hold down Scott, Alison and Stiles. Did Isaac have that darkness around him also?

Then in season 3B they mentioned that Stiles plays chess. But in season 1 they say only the Sheridan plays. Do JD and his writers really think people do not pay attention? If they care about ratings then care about the loyalty and intelligence of fans. But instead they just baited us and made us seem insane.

Season 4 episode 6, when stiles and Lydia are trying to see Meredith, Parrish tells Bronsky that he was caught blowing a breathalyzer test in Canaan. Later on we learn Canaan has existed in decades. JD thinks we’re fools.

But Derek was also too young to have had to find a new pack, when his family was brutally murdered. Perhaps that’s why he was grumpy. He was desperate.

A few months ago he had to end his girlfriends life as she was brutally attacked. Giving power to the nemeton. Which then gave power to Julia/jennifer/darach. Come on now.

Then flipping Kate somehow makes him a kid again and he has to deal with losing his powers.

Pack means everything to wolves. He again couldn’t be an omega. And to have to do it semi alone and then truly alone. Then trying to help a bitten werewolf understand what being a wolf means.

Plus he also has to live in the place his family was killed.

Then his damn groomer returns.

Then his little sister comes back and he chooses to make himself a punching bag for her and Boyd. He is always truly sacrificing himself.

Then his asshole uncle can’t remember if he’s good or bad but keeps abusing him! Peter was also never much of a help when Derek were youngsters.

Then a flipping dark Druid abuses him too. Like leave Derek the fuck alone. Don’t even get me started on the garbage Teen Wolf movie. That was utter and absolute garbage.

#derek hale #teen wolf #spoilers

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mysteriawrites · 11 months

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hi dear! i hope you doing great! <3

I was wondering can I have male honkai star rail matchup please?

i’m a girl, 19, aries, enfp, my pronouns are she/her. i could be really shy sometimes due to my bad anxiety, but mostly i’m very sweet and bubbly person, i deeply care about my friends, and i’m super affectionate with people who i love. also, my love language is physical touch!!! i’m also very sensitive and emotional person, but i’m fully open with my feelings only with close people in my life. my height is 5’5, i have a petite figure, have some boob, long brown hair and green eyes, i would describe my style as a hyperfeminine, but i also love to dress cozy! i’m polyglot and i speak 6 languages, and i’m studying linguistics in uni. my other passions are makeup, cinematography and music ofc! i’m obsessed with rabbits and bunnies and all the bunny-themed items! i love cute things, such as clothes, accessories, makeup, stuffies and etc. my ideal partner is someone tall and protective, who would take care of me and be attentive to me and my feelings! and also someone who would cuddle me a lot <3

hope it’s okay! sorry for my grammar, english isn’t my first language. i hope you have a nice day <3

Hihi thank you so much for the request. Don't worry about grammar it's the internet no one uses proper grammar anyway even typing this I spelled so many words wrong and made grammatical errors and relied on autocorrect. Anywho without further ado (heh rhyming) DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

ARLAN!!!

(Yeah, I wanted to use a gif like I do for the rest of the matchups but apparently there aren't enough of Arlan available on the Tumblr database, and I couldn't outsmart the system by uploading one as a picture so yeah sorry about that).

Not a lot is known about Arlan: he's definitely on the quiet side, has a dog named pepe, and is loyal to a fault to Asta. He's a very private person. However, when Asta introduced him to you, the newest researcher on the station and old family friend, he had to admit that something in him wanted to be around you (Pepe liked you too so that was also a good sign).

As he showed you around the space station, he found that he was the one doing most of the talking, which was a first for him, he's always been more of the listening type. Something about you seemed to ease his nerves which ironically made him uneasy. He didn't understand what he was feeling at all.

After he finished helping you, he decided to ask "Master" Capote about what these strange feelings were (he in these exact words "didn't want to bother Asta over such trivial matters"). Capote told him in a blunt manner that he must be in love. Arlan almost had a panic attack at those words. Him?! In love?! There's no way in the whole galaxy!

However, the longer he denied those feelings the stronger they became. He wanted to be around you more, learn about you and your interests, hear your voice, all the things you'd expect from a schoolboy crush. It doesn't help that he started getting closer to you and you showed off your adorably bubbly personality. So, he went back to Capote.

Now he knows Capote isn't the best person to ask for love advice, but he doesn't have a whole lot of options. Capote ends up telling him about that women like guys with confidence and who play hard to get (Capote seems like the kinda guy who would say that). Now Arlan isn't quite sure about this, but he has nothing else to go on and is desperate.

So that's what he did, the next time he saw you he did what Capote told him. He felt so stupid, but if it was what would get you to like him then so be it. Only you saw right through his facade. You took him by the hands and asked why he was acting like someone he wasn't, and that was when the truth came out. He told you everything including the confession of his feelings.

Ever since that day you guys became closer than ever; you tell each other everything. Early in the relationship Arlan treats you kind of like he does Asta where he sees himself as someone who serves you, but you shut that down real quick and helped him understand that romantic relationships are supposed to be equal.

Asta supports you in all your endeavors. He thinks you look beautiful no matter what, but he tries his best to be more descriptive in his compliments to show he pays attention and genuinely wants to help. He buys you cute stuffed animals and accessories from the on-ship stores. He also finds your linguistic gifts fascinating and useful so he asks if you can teach him. Best of all Pepe really likes you.

For dates you guys take turns planning based on what the other person likes. Arlan likes to take you foreign films festivals they sometimes have on the station as a reward for their hard work and nice dinner dates because he's a gentleman. As for you, you know that Arlan just wants to spend time with you and nothing more, so you plan an at home date of dinner and a movie (and a bit of video games).

I know you said that you prefer tall guys, but what Arlan lacks in height he makes up for in courage and heart. He sees things through till the end cares about the well-being and safety of those around him. When the Antimatter legion attacked, even though he knew that his number one priority should have been the inhabitants of the space station he did everything in his power to protect you and make sure you were safe. You were his real top priority, even if that meant taking a hit for you (how he really injured his leg at the beginning of the game).

Hi, hope you enjoyed sorry it took so long and is a bit short the star rail characters are a bit harder to write for.

Runners Up: Dan Heng, Welt Yang, Gepard Landau

#multi fandom blog #multifandom #multifandom writer #multifandom account #multi fandoms posts #multifandom fanfiction #matchups #multifandom imagines #multifandom x reader #honkai star rail #arlan #arlan x reader

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ae-neon · 1 year

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https://www.tumblr.com/ae-neon/717145034490839040/in-bad-news-the-acotar-timeline-both-in-canon?source=share

omg it is amazing! How did you do that, like, my hate in canon is so hard that the best i could do in a fic i will never finish, is killing them all except Az 😬 😂😂

sorry for the late reply

how I got myself to like the fanon IC I'm writing

So for me, I literally hate canon Cassian so much I don't even engage fanon Cassian content. I think acotar elon Rhys is the biggest flop alive, Mor is a nothing character, Amren should have died and Azriel gets too much pr and good grace for who he actually is.

But I've almost always taken both a critical and non-critical approach to the media I consume just because I have always had a love for stories and how they are told.

So while I dislike them, I also can't help but see them as mishandled characters puppeted by an author who lets her bias dictate the story and character narratives.

If fleshed out - not fixed, because flaws are still important - I think each character has the chance to be at least more sympathetic and interesting. Layer them, give them reasons to behave how they do, give them chances to learn and grow out of their worst traits etc

Why does Rhys love Velaris and hate the CoN? it has to be personal, and it has to affect his actions, but it doesn't have to make him stupid or unnecessarily cruel/dramatic.

Maybe he wears a mask because there are some high up nobles who hold other loyalties and are potential spies. Have him do things to earn their favour not just threaten them so its less likely they will revolt or unify against him.

Realistically it's the capital of his court, he has to spend more time there and engage with its people on more than just one level.

envisioning or reading things like this fleshes out the character into more than just a spray tan 49 y.o billionaire failson with a 19 y.o gf

#sjm critical #anti inner circle #anon asks #anti sjm

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josefavomjaaga · 7 months

Text

Andoche Junot to Laure Junot, 13 October 1812 (I)

This is the second letter from Junot’s correspondence that had been intercepted by the Russian army during the campaign of 1812. While all letters carry the same date, it seems Junot wrote this one before he received his wife’s letter translated here. (But he did receive Laure’s letter on that very day, because he in reply wrote a second letter at six o’clock in the evening.)

Junot, Duke of Abrantès, to the Duchess Laure d’Abrantès. Moscow, 13 October 1812

Sic! This is obviously a mistake, either in the letter, in the transcript, or in the publication. As Junot says himself a bit further down, he was gouverneur of Mojaisk at the time. (And hated it.)

But, my dear Laure, why have you been so long without writing to me? You know how anxious I am to receive your letters and to learn about the state of your health, and there is another reason why I sincerely hope to receive five or six letters from you soon, because I expect that in the first few you'll scold me, ah! with a master's hand, you'll scold me once, twice, then you'll have carefully considered that there's nothing in all that I've told you that isn't aimed at your happiness, mine and that of your charming children; then you will adopt another style, you will laugh at me, at seeing me falling in love with my wife again, but nevertheless I hope you will not be too upset about it, because, as you are a bit of a coquette, it will be one more triumph, or rather you will be quite happy about it, because this love, founded on a very great desire to render its object happy, this love which no longer has wings and which will be bound by true friendship with the ties of nature, will only give us happier, brighter and more delicious days, but we must know how to keep it chained up lightly.

I had been tempted to make several stupid comments throughout that text but decided to leave it as it is – as one long, flowing sentence that almost seems more of a brainstorming, where one thing leads to the next. What I believe can be gathered from it:

There had been some kind of discussion between the spouses.

Junot had said something / made some proposals that Laure rejected.

He wants to reconcile with her, but only if his chains are »light« - i.e., he still wants to have his personal freedom (to go cheating and gambling?).

The one thing he’s very right about is the scolding that is headed his way … as I said, Junot wrote this letter before he received Laure’s letter from Aix. He continues, still talking about the chains that must not bind him too strongly:

If the knots were too tight it [the love] would do everything possible to escape. But the friendship that will always accompany it will console it for a little captivity that the happiness of others will make forget entirely. You were not yet in Paris on 19 September, so I hope that a longer stay at the waters has done you good; you are going to find your little Rodrigue very handsome, according to what they say. You will have weaned him, no doubt by the time you arrive, and you will see him grow and strengthen visibly.

This seems to be about the second son of the couple, born in Ciudad Rodrigo in November 1810. Laure in her letter had written about the older boy, according to Masson’s footnotes.

You will also rejoin your young ladies, who will have a little serious and stern demeanour; the air of a convent is contagious and there is no one who doesn't gain it after the shortest stay. Please tell me, my angel, what you will do in Paris, how you will live there, how happy you will be with your beautiful children and whether you will sometimes ask for their father, your best friend, interested in being it, and who puts all his happiness in yours. It's hard to imagine a government in the world worse than that of Mojaisk, I don't know if I'll be there much longer, but this stay will count in my life above that of Suez and Cathié.

Not sure what »Cathié« is supposed to mean, maybe yet another misspelled word? Carinthie?

The Emperor is still in Moscow, there is no news, we are always looking to the Moniteur for news, the Bulletin of 8 September is of interest to many people and everyone is waiting impatiently for it.

At this point editor Masson in a footnote is aghast to learn that apparently the army did not receive the bulletins supposedly written for it but had to wait for newspapers from France to read what the emperor in Moscow had said about it. Imperial machine not quite working as it used to, huh, Frédéric?

I'll also be very pleased to see that our troops have been praised for their conduct, they deserved it! What has become of Calo? You don't talk to me about her, no one does; have the waters done her any good, so let me have some news of her, if she doesn't want to give me any herself.

"Calo" apparently would be the baroness Caroline Lallemand, wife of general Lallemand, whose husband, similar to the husband of Junot’s mistress, was fighting in Spain. There is also a letter from Junot to Madame Lallemand – and in a footnote to this letter, Masson may actually bring us up to date about what was going on between Junot and Laure at this era: Apparently, at the beginning of 1812, Junot while staying at Bourgogne had – in good old fashion – managed to get his letters mixed up and had sent a letter destined for his mistress (not "Calo", yet another lady!) to Laure and vice-versa. Apparently, Laure even mentions this in her memoirs; can anyone confirm this (@snowv88, maybe?)

Which apparently had resulted in a somewhat stormy encounter between the spouses. Which now makes me think that Laure had basically kicked Junot out, and that this letter with its repeated declarations of love (but without chains, you hear me!) was, metaphorically speaking, Junot knocking at the back-door in order to be allowed in again.

Farewell, my dear Laure: I would love to be in this letter, in half an hour I would be on the road to Paris, in 20 to 22 days I would be there and I would kiss you, Joséphine, Constance, Napoleon and Rodrigue, all of whom I love with all my heart.

Junot is quite generous with his kisses 😁. There will be some more in the next letter to the lady whose name Masson so mysteriously conceals (well, a bit).

#napoleon's generals #jean andoche junot #laure junot #russia 1812

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crimsonlyinglilly · 6 months

Text

No. 19: “I’ll take one final step, all you have to do is make me.”

Floral Bouquet | Psychological | “I’m not as stupid as you think I am.”

On good days it's almost peaceful.

On bad days they were all aware of her eyes watching for a slip up, the tense feeling in the air and in the undercurrent of the magic binding them all.

Dahlia makes Freya hurt for every sin Esther had done against her and Freya wished she could reply that Esther had thrown her away too, but Dahlia cares not for Freya on those days.

It’s worse when Dahlia targets her brothers, when the memories of what their father’s people had done to her is particularly strong that day, or a nightmare had brought it back or Finn and Elijah had done something to remind her of their blood, then she turns her experiences into a weapon and forces the boys to relive them, and in the aftermath they are left tense and feeling phantom shackles.

Time may be a great healer but not when the wounds are still being inflicted however over time things can be learnt.

Freya cries when Dahlia tears through her mind, looking for any rebellion she can use as a reason to punish them, in her tired state afterwards she lets Dahlia run her hands through her hair.

It takes years but Freya learns to leave small rebellions at the forefront of her mind so Dahlia leaves sooner.

Finn bites through his lips every time to stop the cries, the cries come later when Dahlia uses the weakness she found to wreck him, but still knowing what she plans he doesn’t pull away when she wipes the blood from his lip.

Eventually Finn learns to stop fighting, to lay himself open offering all his weaknesses so she doesn’t know which one to use, and doesn’t get as much twisted enjoyment.

Elijah smiles and chokes on his sobs as his nails tear through the flesh in his palms, he never has what she wants, they don’t tell him anything because why tell a person of your plan for freedom when the person doesn’t remember what freedom is, never really had it. When she stops he leans into her touch and accepts her words with an honest “thank you.”

Elijah will admit to himself he may have lost touch with what honest truly meant at some point, but he has no one to check it with so he learns to lock away all his own thoughts and feelings deep in his mind and reflects her own back.

Later when alone, when Dahlia is bored of toying with them, Finn and Elijah hold Freya as she apologies to them, Freya and Elija will climb onto Finn, force their way under his arms and let him hide in them for a while, Freya and Finn will talk Elijah back out of his own mind as they patch up his palms.

They’re broken, but their siblings and together, and no matter what they aren’t going to leave anyone behind.

It's easier to put themselves back together when they have eachother's help.

#whumptober2023 #no.19 #Psychological #the originals #fic #mikaelson family #Dahlia #finn mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #freya mikaelson #au- stolen three #the suits hide the mess beneath #fanfiction

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beachblue37 · 7 months

Text

Holly Headcanon

Holly comes from an emotionally abusive household.

This rest of this post is going to be marked as a spoiler even though some of it is non canon, but it’s going to relate to things that are canon in the books. Also this is really long, but I had a lot of thoughts on it

1. ||We don’t know much about her economic or class status but we can assume that it is an upper class due to the foods she eats and her clothing (Not saying that those with a lower class can’t be that, but it’s a lot easier to have nicer clothes and be able to eat healthier foods with a richer class status). So because of this we can assume that unlike Lockwood and Lucy she was similar to George in the sense that she chose to be an agent||

2. ||So Little Holly dreamed of being an agent and having this great talent. And with luck she ends up having some talent. It’s not a lot though, it’s enough to get her to be an agent but not enough to get her to be one of the greats like she had dreamed||

3. ||Her parents were very unsupportive and emotionally abusive. Perfection was the only thing she was allowed to be. Anything less than that was unacceptable. Her parents excepted her to look perfect and only eat healthy foods. Every time she had something bad it was met with, “Now are you sure you want to eat that?” Every single time she messed up the response was always something along the lines of “You’re stupid, you can’t do anything right, no one will ever love you” just warm loving words to here from your family||

4. ||So obviously they aren’t supportive of her being an agent. Constantly telling her that she doesn’t have enough talent and what’s the point she’ll never be good enough. But somehow she gets a job at Rotwells and she gets out on a team as a field agent. Her parents still telling her that she should quit, she’s not good enough, she’s not good enough for anything, she never has been, she never will be. But she sticks with it. Wanting to prove herself. Her team dies||

5. ||Instead of being there for her. They blame her for their deaths. Saying that if she was actually a good agent they wouldn’t have died. She stops being a field agent and gets an assistant job for Rotwell himself. Once again her parents are telling her that she can’t do it. She’s not good enough. She leaves Rotwells and her parents tell her that it was bound to happen. She’s a stupid girl who can’t do anything right||

6. ||So in turn she tries to be this perfect person who never falters. She can’t be anything less than perfect, everytime she messed up she was told that she wasn’t good enough. All she wants is to be good at something and for someone to care about her, appreciate her, and she finds it with Lockwood and George, but it’s not enough because Lucy doesn’t||

||I do think that her coming from an emotionally abusive household explains why she is mean right back to Lucy. Yes Lucy being mean and unwelcoming to her is contributing to it, but Holly is almost 20, an almost 20 year old growing up an healhty environment wouldn’t do this, they would ignore it, or try to confront the issue head on, but they wouldn’t be passive aggressive and petty. 15 and 19 are very different in terms of emotianlly maturity and 19 year olds should know better||

1. ||So I think that she’s mean right back to Lucy, because she’s frustrated that Lucy gets to be messy, lazy, stubborn, rude, etc. She can mess up and is still loved by the boys. She fits in with them, their her family. Holly doesn’t have that||

2. ||It’s a learned behavior. She observed it from her parents, and she’s experienced it||

3. ||It gives her a false sense of power. She got fired from a horrible job, lost her team, has horrible parents. Making Lucy feel bad about herself probably makes her feel good about herself, for a little bit, and then she feels bad about it, but for the reasons I listed above, she can’t stop herself from doing it||

She’s also very jealous of Lucy. Holly wants to be appreciated and she wanted to be this great agent with this amazing talent but she’s not and Lucy is powerful and is described as the perfect agent

#lockwood and co #lucy carlyle #the hollow boy #holly monroe #the hollow boy spoilers #Lockwood and co headcannons

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zer0expektation · 1 year

Text

I rewatched Loki (and got progressively angrier), here are the highlights:

(featuring my queer analysis/rewrites hehe)

Episode 1

22:03 - “if looks could kill” Mobius ab and to Loki

22:05 - “What do you want from me?” “Well, let's start with a little cooperation.” “Not my forte” “really? Even when you’re wooing someone powerful you intend to betray? Come on.” Mobius and Loki - GAY

24:35 - “I am smart.” “I know.” “okay…” “.. okay” actual weirdos

Episode 2

5:13 - Loki ‘reading’ Mobius’s jet ski magazine hehehehe

14:03 - “Look, I know you have a soft spot for broken things.” Ravonna to Mobius as he talks about why he should be allowed to keep Loki alive

16:30 - Loki adjusting Mobius’s tie as he talks about how ‘adorable’ it is that Mobius thinks he can manipulate him, because hes a freak

24:34 - “Loki, i've studied almost every moment of your entire life” Mobius literally what is with you

24:53 - Pompeii scene my beloved

Episode 3

7:16 - “don't ever call me that” “Tech savvy?” “no, a Loki.” Sylvie and Loki silly funny sibling behaviour

22:15 - “You’re a prince. Must’ve been would-be-princesses or perhaps, another prince.” “A bit of both. I suspect the same as you.” ah the beloathed line that haunts my nightmares

31:28 - “y’know, i feel like i've told you so much about me, i really don't know the first thing about you.” yeah ‘cause there is LITERALLY NOTHING TO LEARN ABOUT HER Sylvie is so badly written it actually kills me

Episode 4

7:26 - “like me being born the Goddess of Mischief” - Sylvie is arrested by the TVA for having been born a girl, and presumably that later meaning that if she wanted to she could become a Valkyrie if she wanted to - which i'm fairly certain it's mentioned that Loki wanted to be a Valkyrie when he was younger. This is actually so fucking stupid. The file on our Loki variant states that they were born with a “fluid” sex (whatever the fuck that means), and we are to assume that a lot of parts of variants are intrinsically the same between each other, so you’d assume that Sylvie would also be born with a “fluid” sex

10:07 - Loki and Sylvie are finally bonding by discussing what “makes a Loki a Loki” and Loki insisting that its their collective ability to survive - of course they have to be fucking weird about it which causes a Nexus event, because plot i guess

11:00 - i hate that we don't get to actually see Loki and Sylvie get picked up

12:39 - isn't it a little fun, a little silly, that the bad memory Loki is stuck in is Sif saying “I hope you know you deserve to be alone and you always will be”

17:17 - it's interesting however that it doesn't really hit for Loki until after hes admitted that he does things for attention because he's scared of being alone - BUT i don't like that that is probably reason that the writers had for him falling for Sylvie, him thinking that because she is like him that she has similar fears and thus wouldn't do something to lose that companionship, rather instead it would have been interesting in its use to how Loki has inexplicably grown attached to Mobius of all people (especially because it is immediately followed by Mobius coming in)

15:27 - “aren’t you supposed to be interrogating your variant pet?” r15 to Mobius

19:11 - “I'm going to miss these little tete-a-tetes.” “Me too.” mocking from Mobius, a bit more genuine from Loki

20:59 - “you like her.” Mobius to Loki about Sylvie - im going to kill myself

22:14 - “your female self” good god im going to drown myself its so bad - neither Loki nor Sylvie should be considered a male or female version of the other, because they are both NEITHER male or female, they are both “fluid” in sex - the writers clearly did not know, nor give a fuck about the queerness of Loki and the character it actually makes me want to tear my own head off

34:26 - okok, i think it's fun and a little silly that Loki has a big reaction to Mobius being pruned, one that's harder for him to conceal than the one when he's told that Sylvie’s been pruned - but also, a bit nitpicky here i know, it's really dumb that he's just standing there, he doesn't even try to reach out to Mobius to move him out of the way or anything

41:18 - the “No, i have to tell you something” & “back on lamentis…. This is new for me.” & grabbing Sylvie’s shoulders - clearly supposed to set up the idea that Loki has some-fucking-how fallen for Sylvie (which is dumb as even worse written than most straight relationships) and wants to tell her now? For some reason? HOWEVER, it could have so easily been (and would have been better) instead, him trying to tell her that he trusts her and sees her as a partner in crime and a friend. Because that's the whole thing, right? Loki is scared of being alone, and yet doesn't do friends, and doesn't do partners, because he knows that he will always be alone anyways. The nexus event is him finding solace in the fact that he will die beside a friend rather than alone like he's always known he would. But nooo selfcest is definitely better than meaningful friendships, why dont you fucking kill me for thinking otherwise. Anyways he gets pruned here anyways so L Loki, fucking loser.

Episode 5

Unrelated but where the hell did the Lokis get their clothes - like, i get Sylvie because shes been fucking off all over the timeline for a long time, but everyone in the void? Why do they have their clothes

Again it seriously kills me that Sylvie has no character - no likes, no goals outside of destroying the TVA, no self-reflection, she's the woman character that is smarter and cooler than her male counterparts because they need to be looked after in order to not be killed

Another note on this, we can get a vague idea of what Loki will want when everything is over - he jokes about wanting to rule an entire universe/timeline, but in reality everyone knows he will just want to go somewhere where he's cared about and seen as equal, somewhere where he won't be alone - but we don't know what Sylvie will want, we cant even conceive an idea, because all we know is that she wants the TVA and whoever controls it gone, and we can assume that she wanted to be a valkyrie when she was little, but we know literally nothing else about her, so we have to assume either her and Loki are going to figure out their paths together, or that she will go off to figure it out on her own and we won't hear or see her again until she has a dumb cameo I think i would respect how little we know about Sylvie if it were a “i've spent so much of my life surviving and fixated on this one thing that i haven't had time to figure out who i am as a person and what i like and what i want after its all over”, but we never get anything like this, at least in any kind of depth that would make it good The Strong Woman trope is what I was looking for

16:04 - “Have any of you met a woman variant of us?” “Sounds terrifying.” i'm going to bash my head against the wall until my brains are crawling out the other side

Whoo president Loki, aka the only version of Loki selfcest i can stand behind, because at least commit to the bit if you're gonna do it

The one black Loki is the overly aggressive one that betrays everyone first, because what else should we expect from hollywood. Fucks sake

I do adore that the Lokis have so easily adopted Mobius within their little group and how good he is at understanding all of them

30:18 - “Mobius isn't so bad” “or so good. I think that's why we get along.” “he cares about you” Sylvie and Loki

okay, I'm not saying that they should have made Mobius the love interest, however I absolutely am saying that. I personally think that would be far more compelling than the selfcest plot, it wouldn't be out of nowhere like i'm sure some may argue because so much of this show was spent on showing that Mobius is the only person that's been able to truly understand Loki and get a good read on them and Loki views him as a friend despite it all, on the other hand i think the selfcest plotline is absolutely out of nowhere, but its not viewed as such because its portrayed as straight and thus expected, they have little to no romantic chemistry, they have had very very very few scenes where they are interacting positively with each other that aren't surrounded with the fact that they are working together because they have the same goal and are trying to survive and most of those interactions are sandwiched between arguing. I just think this scene could have easily been about Loki acknowledging that he cares about Mobius in a way that he doesn't think he has anyone else before, Sylvie could make a call back to her mailman, and then Loki can go quiet and amongst that have the blanket thing w/o the strange glances and awkward pauses and then they can discuss betrayal and what they want to do once everything is all over

31:48 - “i dont have friends. I don't have… anyone.” Sylvie - well now you do because thats all that this will be right? :D ← the face of denial

36:47 - “looks like you got away in the end” Mobius to Loki - you are a homosexual

37:09 - the lokius hug & Loki’s face before it

40:48 - “I don't know how” “you do, because we’re the same.” Loki and Sylvie - well you dont fucking say! Gee golly! Who woulda thunk it? Certainly not me, Mr. sylkie-is-selfcest-no-matter-how-you-twist-it. Good god I hate this stupid show.

Episode 6

I hate this show so so much, but i do really like when the silly mascot character that is kind of overlooked as comedic relief turns out to be a vessel for the villain, or at least are more sinister than they first seemed and they just become kind of uncanny and unsettling

I also really like immortal characters that have been alive for so long that they are truly exhilarated by their end

33:45 - Loki having a “no stop, this isn't you ;(” moment is so funny

34:56 - the grossest moment of the show. Selfcest, ladies and gentlemen!

35:12 - i feel like it is very important to note that sylvie saying “but i'm not you” here, is NOT her denying that her and Loki are the same, just that the experience and feeling that Loki is expressing is not shared

39:49 - “Who are you? What's your name?” Mobius to Loki - sobs it's so upsetting i can't do this - imagine how much more tragic this scene would've been if Mobius was set up as the love interest shm my head stupid fucking show

End :))))

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