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brennbilliemartin · 3 years

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Week 11 Global Social Media: China

The introduction of China’s the Great Firewall

What is ‘The Great Firewall’? Generally, we know that a firewall is a network security that monitors and filters the things that are on the Internet. However, this firewall is unique yet powerful and it is heavily controlled by the Chinese Government. Xinmen (2019) has said that The Great Firewall is a common name for this scheme, but it is not an official name used by the Chinese government, which employs ambiguous policies and tactics to access the internet. Moreover, the word has become a popular acronym for the laws and technology used to enact China's digital censorship since it first appeared in a Wired article in 1997 (Xinmen 2019).

About a decade after the first email was transmitted from China, the Great Firewall then began to emerge (Xinmen 2019). Internet cafes began to grow up across China's major cities when China gained access to the internet in 1994 (Xinmen 2019). The government and the country's early netizens both realized that the free flow of information may have major political ramifications (Xinmen 2019). In other words, this could disrupt the peace in the county and may cause a stir in the community.

The government knew it had no choice but to act. It has already begun taking attempts to restrict the internet by 1996. The government later issued a State Council order that year named “Temporary Regulations Governing Computer Information Networks and the Internet.” It specified that all direct internet connections must be routed through international ports established and managed by the Ministry of Post and Telecommunications and that no group or individual may establish or use any other method of obtaining internet access (Xinmen 2019).

Furthermore, when China's internet usage reached 2.1 million individuals in 1998, the government openly stated how seriously it took online activity (Xinmen 2019). In the same year, Lin Hai, a 30-year-old software developer, provided 30,000 Chinese email addresses to a pro-democracy journal in the United States. Lin was arrested, prosecuted, and sentenced in the country's first-ever trial for a political offence committed entirely online (Economy 2018). Besides that, the spiritual organization Falun Gong used email and cellphones to organize a silent protest of over 10,000 adherents outside the Communist Party's central complex, Zhongnanhai, the following year, to protest their inability to practice freely (Economy 2018).

Subsequently, Fang Binxing emerged as the man in charge of the government's technology endeavours. Fang worked on the “Golden Shield” programme in the late 1990s, which allowed the government to inspect any data being received or delivered, as well as block destination IP addresses and domain names. His efforts were rewarded with a meteoric climb in politics (Economy 2018). This action taken by the Chinese government has helped to filter and take full control of what is on social media. The main motive was to stop spreading information on what the Chinese government is doing behind closed doors and the citizens cannot voice out their opinions nor express how they felt if the government is implementing a new law for instance.

Does China’s Great Firewall exist outside of China?

Yes, but it is not technically a firewall to block the contents on the Internet. It is a software that is owned by China but is being used worldwide called TikTok and has something quite similar to a firewall where it filters the content inside the software. Hern (2019) has said that the documents, which were made public for the first time by the Guardian, detail how ByteDance, the Beijing-based technology firm that owns TikTok, is using the app to further Chinese foreign policy goals. This proofs that the software indeed has its own filter. The disclosures come amid growing suspicions that discussion of the Hong Kong demonstrations on TikTok is being suppressed for political reasons: a search for the city-state on the platform earlier this month found “barely a trace of turmoil insight,” according to a Washington Post investigation (Hern 2019).

The software’s regulations separate prohibited material into two categories: certain content is labelled as a "violation," which results in it being removed from the site altogether and can result in a user being banned. Minor infractions, on the other hand, are designated as "visible to self," which keeps the item up but restricts its distribution through TikTok's algorithmically selected stream (Hern 2019). A section controlling "hate speech and religion" contains the majority of the guidelines applicable to China. They are always set in a context that makes the rules appear to be general rather than specific exceptions (Hern 2019). A general restriction on "criticism/attack towards policies, social rules of any nation, such as constitutional monarchy, monarchy, parliamentary system, separation of powers, socialism system, etc." includes a prohibition on criticism of China's socialist system. Therefore, this clearly demonstrates that TikTok, owned by ByteDance is filtering the videos that have opinions or criticizing the Chinese government will be removed or filtered so that the video will not be widely spread around the social media network.

References

Economy, CE 2018, The great firewall of China: Xi Jinping’s internet shutdown, viewed 22 May 2021, <https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/jun/29/the-great-firewall-of-china-xi-jinpings-internet-shutdown>.

Hern, A 2019, Revealed: how TikTok censors videos that do not please Beijing, viewed 22 May 2021, <https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2019/sep/25/revealed-how-tiktok-censors-videos-that-do-not-please-beijinghttps://www.theguardian.com/technology/2019/sep/25/revealed-how-tiktok-censors-videos-that-do-not-please-beijing>.

Xinmei, S 2019, The story of China’s Great Firewall, the world’s most sophisticated censorship system, viewed 22 May 2021, <https://www.scmp.com/abacus/who-what/what/article/3089836/story-chinas-great-firewall-worlds-most-sophisticated>.

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evermorehaikyuu · 3 years

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Zero Day Threat

In which Sakusa finds himself in shambles after coming across a Red Hat.

Word Count: 1167 words

Taglist: @our-tall-slytherin-queen @gg9183

Note: Red Hats are the vigilantes of the hacking world. I feel like both of the hacker fics didn’t exactly have a fluffy ending, but yes, I’m here for it.

Sakusa wouldn’t exactly say that his job was the greatest thing in the world. He just did it to help others. Well. At least that’s what he thought he did. It didn’t make a difference to him that he was a Black Hat, the “evil” side of the hacker spectrum.

Most people judge what’s the good and what’s the bad by societal standards, he told himself as he quickly typed in the password to a site, rearranging everything to place it all out of order.

His cousin, Komori, knew about his job, but Komori put his blood over his job. His loyalty was towards his family first, therefore saving Sakusa from another worry on his shoulders.

Sighing as he spun on his swivel chair unintentionally, he stared up at the ceiling, where he had tacked on letters and pictures connected together with red strong. So many jobs to do, so little time. He had one reason why he wanted to do it and as stated previously, he wanted to help people. He didn’t believe that being a White Hat would earn him as much money as a Black Hat. At least he’d be able to hack into other people’s bank accounts and steal the money.

It wasn’t like he’d tell anyone about what he did either. People would assume he’d take the money for himself when in reality, he hated that ideal. He didn’t need more than he had. He wasn’t like those rich elites that lived on the lap of luxury and looked down upon everyone else that was not of their class. Even then, there were fights amongst each other. When people had what they wanted and more, they made sure that the entire world knew.

Sakusa decided he hated those people and turned against them. Fortunately, he had a knack for hacking and used it in everyday life.

Maybe I should take a break, a tiny voice in the back of his head whispered. He scoffed. He loathed leaving anything unfinished and he wasn’t done with anything quite yet. Turning back around to face his computer, he held his hands over the keyboard and stared at the black screen for a minute.

So many thoughts were going through his head. It was like being in the middle of a hurricane up until the eye of the storm hit. The eye of the storm in Sakusa’s mind was a target from one of the higher class members.

He was very confident in his skills and would be able to snatch away some money without that person noticing. As he looked through the bank account information and the high number of money that they owned, that was when he chose his next mark.

Furiously clicking away at his keyboard, the sounds reverberated off of the walls, making a harmonious song of the tiny squares. Green letters falling like leaves, he knew exactly what he was doing. What would look like gibberish to someone else he read as if it was another language.

What Sakusa didn’t realize is that he had fallen into a trap.

That was not one of the people he shouldn’t have targeted. Behind the screens was a vigilante, a Red Hat. This specific Red Hat had been searching for Sakusa for a generously long time and made a plan to capture him, just from looking at how he executed most of his work.

Black Hat, judging by the way he does everything, he has a grudge against those of the higher class, gets everything for people other than him. Believes that being a White Hat would not help him as much as his current job. Emotions will get in his way someday and lead him astray.

Fortunately, when the plan was set, it was on the exact day Sakusa’s emotions got the better of him. Embezzlement was the name of the crime, yet he didn’t think about that part. His mentality was basically that of someone that thought they weren’t doing anything wrong. What he was doing was the wrong thing for the right cause.

Right as he was about to take ten more dollars, a glitch in his system occurred, making his eyes go wide. This shouldn’t have been happening, he had encryptions everywhere to prevent this from occurring. It couldn’t have been the Internet connection either, considering he was near a satellite tower.

If the VPN failed on me now, this is the exact wrong timing, he managed to think. It was hard to form a single thought when his mind was already going into a panic.

The screen, previously blue and green with different colors weaved in between, turned black as if the computer had completely powered off. Sakusa tried to turn it off, but the little white light that signified his computer was on told him that it wasn’t doing what he wanted. He could only stare helplessly as words appeared on his screen.

On the other side, the Red Hat was typing, muttering under her breath. “Do not do anything, I have stopped everything your computer can do. Stay right where you are, do not move, do you understand me?” She looked up and clicked on the keypad beside her to form a code so he could type back. She was taken by surprise when he typed back.

Sakusa swallowed, his throat dry, as he started typing back. “I’m not doing anything wrong, you can’t tell me I’m doing something wrong.”

“Believe me when I say there are a lot of things I can tell you.”

He didn’t move. He didn’t know what to say until she started typing again.

“I am a Red Hat. I know you are a Black Hat. Under different circumstances, I would turn you in with no hesitation. But your cousin did me a huge favor a couple of years ago. I’m trying to help you out before anyone tries to catch onto me. Sakusa Kiyoomi, you will be caught if you don’t get out of there right now.”

Sakusa blinked as he processed the words and he looked towards the door. No one was coming. Turning his head back towards the screen, he could tell that this person was serious. All he typed back was: “Okay.”

The screen went black again before showing a map with a red tack over a location. Saving it into a USB drive and taking one of his laptops, he raced out of the door, knowing that his place was going to get investigated soon. He didn’t know what Komori had done to this person.

All he could guess was that he didn’t know what would happen next.

#haikyuu x reader #sakusa x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa x y/n #sakusa kiyoomi x y/n #sakusa x you #sakusa kiyoomi x you #sakusa imagines #sakusa kiyoomi imagines

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medea10 · 3 years

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Medea’s Worst Year of All-Time Anime/Game Superlative

Nobody saw this year coming…except for maybe Barbara Walters! Who could have predicted that this year would bless us with Australia burning, the entire west coast of the U.S. set on fire, stupid people setting fires because they wanted to reveal a baby’s gender, murder hornets, Ruth Bader Ginsburg dying, an almost war with Iran, serial killer mascots arrested, policemen killing unarmed black folks for having a counterfit $20, policemen killing unarmed black folks for breaking up a fight, policemen killing black folks for holding sandwiches, policemen killing unarmed black folks for fucking sleeping, a wide variety of “Karens” coming out of the woodworks, the end of Bojack, the end of Steven Universe, the end of Empire, and a pandemic so huge it’s killed the economy, canceled fun, and given the U.S. president the dumb-fuck idea of injecting bleach to kill the virus!?

SERIOUSLY, WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED ALL OF THIS WAS GOING TO FALL IN OUR LAPS LIKE HOT COFFEE ON THE CROTCH?!

At least there was anime this year.

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At least there was SOME anime this year.

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Biden won the election and Vickeblanca came out with Black Catcher this year.

Hey internet, it’s Medea here to give you her trashy opinion on this years anime and games that she’s watched or played. Because for some reason, my loser-ass loves to do out-dated as fuck memes! I shouldn’t complain, this shit brings a lot of attention to my page every year when I do this. Yes, 2020 was a complete dumpster fire so large that Domestic Girlfriend is crying foul. Many of us had to go on lockdown and ended up binge-watching the entire 957+ episodes of One Piece. I did no such thing. I am one of those “essential workers” so I didn’t hunker down for 9 months straight. But when I was home, I was watching anime. Actually, I would have done that even without the pandemic. I’m an introvert and find the human race to be deplorable.

You all know how this goes. I go over the best this year had to offer me. I had to search really hard to find the good in this year, especially in the anime world. Many things had to be put on hiatus or were delayed to a later date. Just a reminder, I don’t discriminate in what year the anime or game came out. If something came out in the happier times of 2007, that anime or game counts! Let’s get at it!

First Fandom of 2020: Interspecies Reviewers

Did anyone expect a fan-favorite of 2020 was going to be a hentai? Did anyone have on their batshit 2020 bingo card that a hentai was going to grab everybody’s attention? At the beginning of the year, my mind was set on the Railgun sequel and Eizoken. It wasn’t until licensors, streaming sites, and TV stations in Japan dropped this series that I started to pay attention. And got immediately hooked! It’s about three men going to different brothels and reviewing their time with the ladies. And these ladies are of different species! So with every bang comes possible enlightenment, new kinks, or a night of having your dick sucked off more than humanly possible. This anime blew away all of my skepticism and first impressions right out the window. Maybe it’s because I’m a degenerate and am often curious about sexual content, but this was a guilty pleasure of mine this year.

Favorite Main Character of 2020: Moroha from Yashahime

I know the majority of this story is going to revolve around Towa and Setsuna, but can we please focus a little more energy on the spunky, quarter-demon girl?! I know they’re pitting Moroha as the comic relief, but I’m hopeful that she’s going to surprise us one day. We fans of InuYasha would spend the past decade and some change wondering what InuYasha and Kagome’s daughter would be like. This year, we got our answer with Moroha. She’s got this wild side to her, probably due to the fact that she’s spent her entire life on her own. And while she’s silly at times, she can get down to business in a pinch. She has her father’s sense of smell. She has a sword. She’s able to shoot sacred arrows much like her mother. And to top it all off, she has this special rouge that if she puts it on, she’s able to unleash that ¼ demon power inside her and become Beniyasha! Yeah, I know the power only lasts a minute, she’s only 14, give her a break! I will gladly go through another week scratching my head at the confusion this story gives me if I get to see one more second of Moroha and her crazy antics or her bad-ass slaying.

Favorite Villain of 2020: The Devil Believers from Black Clover

This was one hell of a year for Black Clover. It would have been an easy choice to pick the devil and possible super devil that appeared during the elf fight. But I’d like to give a nod to the filler arc villains. And you can’t blame this group for wanting the power of the devil. They’re literally the bottom-rung of the Clover Kingdom and ones with little to no power or mana. So I can agree with why they would want the power of the devil. For one thing, they’d have more power. And for another thing, they’d be able to exact revenge on those who have wronged them. On some occasions I agree with exacting revenge and when it comes to the nobles and some characters in Black Clover, some folks do deserve death. I mean, have you met the king of the Clover Kingdom? Plus, this town and many other poorer towns get looked over by the kingdom. Peasant uprise! Anyways, I thought these people were really crafty in their crimes. I mean, they were able to knock Asta out on his ass with specially made poisons. I was actually hooked to this story of Black Clover (despite it being a filler arc). I know we’ll never see them again as they have been exiled, but it did have me semi-rooting for them.

Favorite Video Game Character of 2020: Honey from Pokemon – Sword & Shield (Expansion Pass)

Sorry Raymond from Animal Crossing!

Honey is the saucy wife of Mustard…I did not expect that to come out the way it did, but here we are! She has one hell of a team you can fight once a day. She looks out for her husband, the dojo, and the students of the dojo like they were her own children by providing food, drinks, and others. However that does come at a price as you do have to give up a sizable chunk of your watts that you collect in raid dens. I’m sure a bunch of MILF chasers were more than happy enough to give her all their hard-earned watts just so they can have their one-on-one moment on the beach with Honey.

What won me over was when that one guy from a rival dojo bad-mouthed her husband’s dojo and she…I think she kicked this guy’s ass herself. I don’t think she used any of her pokemon. Game Freak won’t show it, but we all know she kicked this guy’s ass to a point where he’s begging for mercy.

Honey, for the win!

Favorite Game of 2020: Animal Crossing New Horizons

This game was just Zen for me. I know the release of this game came with some controversy like Gamestop saying it’s an essential business and will remain open for people to get their copies of the game. Hell, I was one of those assholes in line waiting to get a copy on March 20th. Did I predict that a pandemic was going to rage out of control when I got a prepay copy of this for Christmas 2019? NO! I only predict political things, not deadly pandemics! The good news, we social distanced, didn’t catch the covid and got the game.

Anyways, this game has been a non-stop calming and fun ride. I can even forgive their botch-up of Bunny Day. They even have events for holidays I never thought they would ever touch. I mean, does anybody know when Museum Day is? Probably not until Animal Crossing had an event for it! I’ve been able to let my freak-flag fly with designing my island. And this goes way beyond New Leaf for the 3DS. I can make a sign post with the words “Fuck Trump” on it and post it in my yard. I can dig up trees and plant them elsewhere. I can poop in a toilet. I can craft furniture and put my own design on it. My furniture can have Tracey Sketchit’s beautiful mug on it. I can sit on Tracey Sketchit’s face. I am a sick fuck and I don’t care. I can give Raymond and Bob maid outfits. Magical time in my game! My hopes for next year…I don’t know, get the Festivale furniture, get Papi and Olivia to join my island, maybe visit Danny Trejo’s island, who knows, sky’s da limit!

Favorite Het Couple of 2020: Nasa and Tsukasa Yuzaki from Tonikawa

This is one of the most unorthodox marriages I’ve ever seen. But in this 90 Day Fiance world we’re living in, I shouldn’t pass judgement on these two getting married in episode one and not knowing much about each other. Nasa meets Tsukasa as he was about to be plowed by a truck. Tsukasa saves his life. Nasa says she’s beautiful. Tsukasa says she’ll be his girlfriend if they get married. He agrees. She disappears. Four years later, Tsukasa appears in front of Nasa’s front door with a marriage registration form. Congratulations buddy, you’ve got yourself a waifu! In some way, this felt like watching Yamato and Takeo from My Love Story. I was fascinated with them progressing through their relationship. The only difference is that Yamato and Takeo took the old-fashioned route. This couple did everything ass-backwards in terms of having a relationship. But I couldn’t take my eyes off Nasa and Tsukasa’s relationship during each episode. I find them cute.

Favorite Yuri Couple of 2020: Karin Asaka x Emma Verde from Love Live Nijigasaki High School Idol Club

AAAAAAAAAH! I’M IN IDOL HELL AGAIN! Yeah, no kidding! I came this close to putting Miu x Nicole from that abomination 22/7. But thank God for Love Live! There’s no telling if any of the girls from the Love Live franchise are confirmed to be lesbians. But fuck it, all of them attend all-girl schools, no males exist anywhere, and Sunshine gave us Kanan x Mari! Yeah, you know Kanan and Mari is canon as fuck, don’t at me. So naturally, I found more third-years to ship in the new Love Live series. Now I know I should have put up Ai x Rina or Ayumu x Yuu. Especially the latter due to recent events! But Emma x Karin is my OTP.

Now Emma is an exchange student from Switzerland and in coming to Nijigasaki, she first meets Karin and they became instant friends. When Emma said she wants to become an idol, Karin helped her quite a bit. Even though Karin had no interest in being an idol as her modeling career is starting up, Karin would occasionally help Emma out. And surprise, surprise, Karin ends up fascinated with the idol world and Emma helps her come to the light to be herself there. Okay, I’m totally reading this in some fragmented way, but I’m currently playing Love Live School Idol Festival All Stars and the app game has a lot more stuff involving stuff the anime has yet to talk about. Confirmed or not, Karin x Emma for the win!

Favorite Yaoi Couple of 2020: Eiji Okumura x Ash Lynx from Banana Fish

It took me a while to get here, but I finally made it to 2018’s overlooked gem. Forgive me for not being fully caught up, but from what I’m watching at the moment, I’m sticking to my guns and supporting the hell out of this. I mean, I could have mentioned The Titan’s Bride here…but fuck no, I ain’t goin’ down that mess! Ash has gone through a lot, I mean a helluva lot in his past. His cute boy looks have made him a target on the streets of New York, with mafia dons, and with prison inmates. But dude can kill if you mess with him. Then you have Eiji, who is just a literal example of a “pure cinnamon roll (until episode 8)”. These two are as opposite as you can possibly get. Ash is from New York and Eiji is from Japan. Ash likes hot dogs with everything on it. Eiji likes grilled fish and natto. Ash spent the majority of his life killing on the streets. Eiji was a track superstar. You get my meaning. But when we got these two together it’s quite adorable. Ash is really able to change when he’s around Eiji. Ash isn’t some heartless killer on the street about to kill a thug with prosthetic fingers. When he’s with Eiji, he’s a joker that can easily get scared of pumpkins. And even in later episodes, you got these two acting like a husband and wife.

Fandom That You Didn’t Expect to Get Into: Les Miserables – A Girl Named Cosette

Let me explain a little something. Les Mis! I have never seen the play, watched the movie, or read the novel prior to picking up this anime. Not a single one of those! And that’s a bit of a head-scratcher when you realize I was a bit of a musical theater nut in my teenage years. But one thing I do like is when Japan does an anime based on plays or historical events (like Romeo x Juliet or Rose of Versailles). The second I popped in Les Miserables the anime, I wanted to binge watch the whole 52 episode series. It is by no means a perfect adaptation of the Victor Hugo novel. Several key players end up surviving all the way up to the end of the story! But because this was my very first viewing of anything Les Mis, I took to the story of Cosette and was eager to see what was going to happen next in her tale. Unlike the movies and play, Cosette was the main focus of the story besides Jean Valjean and Javert. And thanks to watching the unfortunate stories of Cosette, Jean Valjean, the Thenadiers, Javert, Marius, and the rest, I thought it was time to watch the OTHER adaptations to Les Mis.

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Russell Crowe sucks.

Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni

Higurashi or When They Cry is one of my favorite fandoms of all time! So naturally when we heard that it was making a comeback, I was excited. It was also very odd that Higurashi was given this sequel or reboot. Ahem! There’s another franchise that needs a face-lift. Umineko still deserves a better treatment. Plus, now that this series was out of the faulty hands of Studio Deen, Higurashi will get the special care it deserves. Believe it or not, it wasn’t just the anime that made a comeback for me, but the manga as well. Since 2009, I’ve read several volumes (out of order) and would every now and then come back to read the story. Back to the anime, this reboot or sequel…you know what, I’m gonna call it a “rebooqual”! This rebooqual sucked me back to the town of Hinamizawa and all the murders. Every week, I find myself comparing the current episode to one from the 2006 version. But then the fourth episode of each arc seems to catch me off guard.

Where are they going with this story and these twist endings to our favorite arcs? I did not expect Rena to turn a simple attempted murder into the end of School Days! I didn’t expect Rika to die in the most disgusting fashion they could think of. Could someone kill Teppei fucking Hojo? I will pay ¥5000 for someone to do that job. So yeah, because I know how much of this plays out and who does what, I’m usually watching and reading while making wise-ass remarks. But I still have fun with it.

Fandom That Inspired the Most Crack: Konosuba

In a year where I caught up with the popular Isekais like Shield Hero and Re:Zero, I found the wacky misadventures of Kazuma Satou to be amusing as all get-out. From the first 5 minutes, I found myself laughing at Kazuma’s misfortune. Seriously, how the fuck do you mistake a tractor for a car, have a heart attack, piss yourself, and fucking die in the first couple minutes to the series? You can only get away with this shit in gag animes! But it’s not just Kazuma’s dumbass, there’s a mage who only does explosions, but loses all her energy after one blow-up. Then there’s a busty, blonde who gets turned on by getting hurt and can’t strike anything with her sword. Anime’s biggest masochist or Cheryl Tunt incarnate, I haven’t decided which one to believe! Then you have this loud, crazy goddess chick named Aqua. She’s also useless about 86% of the time! Watching their unfortunate missions is all the crack that I need to get through this year. Seriously, Darkness is just all kinds of fucked up, but we love her.

Last Fandom of 2020: Yashahime

That’s right, the InuYasha sequel gets top spot here! Even though week after week I find myself asking more questions than when the episode started, I’m still hooked. If you’re like me, you watched and fell in love with the series InuYasha. So if they’re doing a sequel, you’re expecting to see all of your favorite characters from the prequel like InuYasha, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, Sesshomaru, Koga, Rin, and the rest. Actually, no! Quite the opposite! We’ve got Sesshomaru’s daughters, but no Sesshomaru. Rin is sleeping in a tree we think! We’ve got InuYasha and Kagome’s daughter, but they’re M.I.A. None of the girls even know a thing about their birth parents.

Now are these new characters a catch like the ones from the previous series? Some are! The three main girls, yes! Especially Moroha! I’ve already praised her name earlier in the superlative. Towa and Setsuna do take on some personality traits from their parents. Setsuna is definitely serious like Sesshomaru and Towa sometimes has a carefree yet loyal aura to her like Rin. I know I’m always skeptical when a series gives us a sequel featuring the offspring of the main characters. Especially when you’ve got some lame examples like Boruto and Eureka Seven AO (I might retract my diss on Boruto later)! As each week gives us a new episode, we’re unraveling new clues into a lot of things involving our old favorite characters, as well as the new ones. So I have high hopes for Yashahime for the time being!

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africagrill55 · 3 years

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The Ideal Informatiom About Producing Monery On the internet

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heli0s-writes · 5 years

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I. Soulmate Series and Peculiar Pairs

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader x Bucky Barnes Summary: An introduction to the mystery of soulmates and love. You’re just another person lost in the world, trying to find yours.. until you give up. You meet some Avengers on the way. A/N: Part 1 of Mystery of Love.

The world had a very singular definition of soulmates: Two people, entwined by fate, perfectly right for each other, destined to meet and exist as one. The cosmos willed this. God willed it. The universe willed it. Whatever anyone’s religious or personal beliefs may be- there was a reply.

Children were told stories of their parents’ meeting and The Words they said to each other that sealed their future. These prophesized utterances would form onto their skin and scratch itself onto a special place in a script unique to that person’s handwriting. The lore of The Words were in every fairy tale and film. No wonder it had always been your dream to meet yours.

Your own parents met in Kindergarten, when your mother moved from Jersey to Manhattan because her father had been transferred to a higher position. He was hesitant at first, to leave their small city and large family behind, but changed his mind in early spring. The first day she set foot in her classroom, as she’d tell you over and over again, she was seated next to a chubby, freckled boy who shook her hand. With a firm grip, he yelled “Hello, beautiful!” and before she could respond, she had doubled over to scream.

When the teacher rushed over and your mother finally stopped crying, she’d lifted her paisley cotton shirt to see the askew “hEllo BEaUtiFul” letters circling her belly button. She pointed a finger to your father, blubbering uncontrollably, and yelled, “It’s you! You’re my soulmate!” and then it became his turn to double over.

The teacher called both their mothers and their mothers had taken them out of school for the rest of the day. They spent it in each other’s company, learning each other’s names, playing, eating ice-cream, and then took a nap, pinkies touching. They were inseparable ever since.

At age 4, it was your favorite story, and you wanted to hear it every night before bed. Your parents were the essence of perfection: your mother’s hair was always impeccable, your father’s shirt was always pressed, and they always kissed at the door when he’d leave for work.

At age 6, you began to wonder about your own soulmate. “Does it hurt very bad, mama?” “Why haven’t I met him yet?” “What if he’s mean to me?” “What if he moves away, mama?”

Your mother always assured you that it was meant to be. You were designed to be loved. The universe would never, ever, leave anyone out. Soulmates were destiny, and destiny was final. You were pleased with the answers she provided, and happy to hear them every time she reminded you.

At age 8, you’d forgotten all about soulmates. Boys were meant to be chased away on the playground, wrestled with in the grass, beaten in a game of soccer. Girls were your confidants, your sisters, who’d braid your hair and dance with you through the living room. Soulmates were for adults, and more than that, you were afraid of the pain of someone’s Words carving into your skin. There were rumors of 5th graders who found their soulmate in the fall, but they were big kids and you put off thinking about it for many years and stopped asking questions.

At age 14, it was no longer something you could ignore. Many girls were going through changes, some had looked like they were already finished, while you had barely started. Boys changed too. Everyone began to notice each other. And you began to notice yourself in this extant space. High school was extremely daunting, and on your first day, you promised yourself that you’d find your soulmate in this large campus.

Some juniors who had soulmates were already married with their parents’ eager approval. There was a club dedicated to meeting as many students in the school as possible to find your soulmate. On Thursday mornings they held “speed-meeting” sessions where one side held a notecard that said, “You are mine” and the other side, “I am yours” there were many variations that were available such as, “You are the light of my life” or “I’ll love you forever”.

You tried many times, afraid that if your soulmate was a senior and they graduated this year, you’d have to wait forever to meet them. After December, it was taking a toll on your heart. All of those sessions of sitting down and staring into the eyes of new started out exciting, but slowly turned banal and drove you into melancholy. Being bound to one person was supposed to be magical, but the recurring meetings felt disingenuous. You didn’t want to meet your soulmate in a sterilized setting, reading a notecard of words that were not from your heart.

Around winter vacation, you were so despondent and anxious that it began to manifest in severe and constant stomach pains. Your parents began to discuss the possibility of counseling. You refused them, afraid that you’d be labelled as a lovelorn freak for the rest of your life. They did relent, and instead gave you a very nice digital camera for Christmas, hoping it could be a hobby to distract you from your worries. Your very first picture was of your parents under the Christmas tree. Your second picture was of their Words, side by side. It took five months for your spasms to ease.

In your later teens, you began to branch out in earnest to find that person. You had worked as a hostess during senior year to maximize your chance of meeting someone, and even landed a barista job at one of the busiest cafés in Manhattan your freshman year of college at a small conservative university. You joined a sorority and lost count of all the events you’d attend and all the fraternity boys you’d met during that year. It was too much, in the end, you were focused on your studies and couldn’t stand another year in that tiny white picket-fence house always reeking of hairspray and Victoria Secret body mist.

You continued taking photographs and enrolled in art classes the following year. You had won a small scholarship and the funds went into a new professional camera. Mid-sophomore year, you quit your job at the café and began to take pictures for the University’s paper, penning food and entertainment columns here and there, primarily about your local college town. You submitted in group exhibitions and struggled to balance classes, a job, and your own inquiries of love. Most of your friends had met their soulmates, and when your roommate came home breathless, freshly inked in beautiful cursive script, and screamed, “It’s a girl!!”, you broke down.

You had never thought of the possibility of being with a woman. But what if the universe decided that it was? Could you love a woman, like that? You spent the rest of the weekend curled up in bed, ill with stomachaches, questioning everything you knew about yourself and your capacity to love.

You called home to ask your mother, “What if my soulmate is a woman?” and the audible gasp on the other line confirmed the feeling in your gut. You weren’t done yet. “What if my soulmate is a hundred and ten on his deathbed? What if he’s a murderer? What if… god forbid, a child?” the tears wouldn’t stop. You were hysterical. You no longer searched for “the one”.

Junior year, you spent a brief fall session abroad in Italy. It was a small group of 5 with one of your favorite professors and you were free to explore your own body of work in your specialty. This was the perfect opportunity to build your portfolio with historic sites and modern culture. Italy was beautiful, romantic, and being there felt like a dream. One of your cohort members met her soulmate while asking him for permission to sketch his picture. He was a green-eyed man with dark, curly hair swept in a low ponytail. Her Words appeared on his arm, “Excuse me! Do you mind?”

And his Words, “Non parlo inglese” Meaning, “I do not speak English”

After their shock subsided, they shared a laugh and you took their picture together, matching tender forearms side-by-side.

As intended, you didn’t find your soulmate in Italy, either. But you did find a spark. The whole soulmate business was breeding so many questions that were turning into criticisms inside you. The picture of your friend in Italy started churning the gears of your body of work. You began to seek out silly or strange First Words to photograph, and at the end of your spring semester, you held a solo exhibition back home. It was a smash and featured in the local paper on page 5. Soon after, it became viral on the internet.

Reviews raved about the humor of your photographs (one set of First Words read, “You think I’m cute, huh” and “You’re a fucking nightmare-boy”. Another, “Bless you” and “That wasn’t a sneeze” your personal favorite, "Give me your wallet" and "Oh hell no").

People were alarmed at some of the less traditional pairs you found: differing intense religious beliefs (Roman Catholic, and Satanist), age-disparity (15 year gap between them), familial relations (they were first-cousins), those encumbered by illness (one had been in a coma for 5 years), and something that was so rare you’d only read about it happening twice, ever: multiple soulmates.

In that particular case, you had put an advertisement online and received an e-mail that night from someone who wanted to refer you to their uncle and his family. You went the next morning to Prospect Park and met John and his soulmates Francis and Marilynn. You spent three hours with them that day. The photos you took were beyond lovely.

In senior year, you had a portfolio that was known world-wide. You were receiving so many e-mails a day about photo opportunities that your business address bounced back at least twice a week for 24 hours. Most of them were very desperate calls for attention, struggles for their 15 seconds of fame, you rarely had the time (or patience) to give an e-mail a second look. You put that body of work on hold, but still opened an online store to sell prints and gave the occasional phone interview. Between that and the various photography jobs you received elsewhere, you were self-sufficient and hardly struggled. You lived in a one-bedroom apartment and looked forward to travelling in the U.S. after college.

It was winter of senior year when you received a message in your personal e-mail that caught you by surprise. It was from Pepper Potts. The Pepper Potts. You were holed up cozily during a blizzard and almost spilled your tea in your lap. It was an invitation for you to visit Stark Tower headquarters, take a few pictures, and go home. The way she worded it was extremely delicate, making sure to flatter your work but also very strictly state the terms of agreement. She made sure to mention that you would be paid generously, of course.

When the snow melted, you made your journey, camera bag across your chest.

At age 20, you met Iron Man, Tony Stark, self-proclaimed billionaire, philanthropist, playboy, genius. You also met Natasha Romanoff, also known as Black Widow.

Ms. Potts had met you at the door, opening it and extending her hand. She immediately thanked you for coming in the cold and praised your photographs. It surprised you when she admitted that as famous as your Soulmate Series was, she was more intrigued by the tenderness of the candid shots you routinely represented in your work, not your actual choice of subject. She had also done some research and found various college articles where you took pictures of local businesses and restaurants. “The intimacy that you captured of the most mundane of places… they were beautiful. I knew you were the person I wanted.” You laughed about your naiveite in those days, being only a newbie at photography, but Ms. Potts shushed you.

She led you to a conference room and slid a contract in front of you, asking for your patience and understanding at the long document. After the end of nearly an hour and a half of reviewing, questioning, and a sneaky interview process, you were ready to begin. A lanyard was placed in your hand with your picture and a keycode, giving you access to certain floors of the building.

The contract was complicated, but it boiled down to this: You were hired by Stark Industries to photograph their employees (and future employees) as well as any floor you had access to. It was your job to deliver simple and tasteful photos to represent the Stark image. You understood it to mean that your job was to create a cult of personality for Stark Industries somewhere in the realm of capable, trustworthy, and familiar- as if these people could be your close friends. The contract spanned a 30-day period where you were able to enter the tower at your leisure and convenience, wander as you wished, ask any questions you may have, and ultimately submit a binder of no less than 50 pictures with your detailed notes (including personal opinion on each photo).

Ms. Potts strongly suggested that if this assignment went well, she had high hopes for your future at Stark Industries. She kept her promise and continued to reach out to you about assignments.

At 21, almost immediately after your graduation, you met Thor, Hawkeye, and Dr. Banner- you prayed you would never meet his other half. That same year, you also met him.

Captain America. Every child in America knew about Steve Rogers. When news leaked that his body had been found frozen and that he was living in New York, it stunned you. He was a (newly) living (dead?!) legend; the idea of him was too much. When it dawned on you that you would be photographing him, you immediately threw up.

You would never forget that day. Your stomach hurt all night. It hadn’t done that since you were a child.

When you entered Stark Tower- you were too nervous to even notice that it had been transformed to the newly dubbed Avengers Tower. You rode the elevator up to the conference room where you scheduled to meet Ms. Potts, but Mr. Stark was there instead. Next to him, was the unmistakable physique of Captain Rogers. Your stomach twisted itself into a pretzel and you had to suck in a deep breath to continue walking upright.

You were so nervous that when Stark asked you for the umpteenth time to please call him Tony, you nearly twisted your ankle by mis-stepping. Sadly for him, you wouldn’t utter his first name for another few years. Captain Rogers had narrowed his eyes at you and the camera bag hanging limply on your hip. You could not stop trembling under his scrutiny. Even Tony offered you a drink to take the edge off.

Finally, he spoke.

“Good morning,” he said quietly, giving you a gentle nod.

You didn’t stop to look as you bolted out of the conference room and down the hall. As soon as you reached the toilet, you threw up.

The bile and acid that burned a path up your throat lingered all day and flared constantly in Captain Rogers’ presence. Your chest burned like a blaze. He in turn, gave you inspecting, worried glances and never tried to come any closer than 10 feet. You thanked him silently from across rooms and hallways. Mr. Stark joked that the best candid moments with Captain Rogers were in the showers, but if you kept getting sick like that, you’ll never get a chance. Your stomach did not appreciate the insinuation whatsoever.

Ms. Potts was infinitely more helpful. She sent you down to the infirmary but they could find nothing wrong with you. The nurse helping you, however, did notice that you had suddenly formed a bright pink rash right in the middle of your chest after watching you nervously rub your torso.

You thought nothing more of it, and by the time you got home, it had vanished.

The contract Ms. Potts emailed you that night detailed the next assignment, and upon completion, you would be paid 20 thousand dollars, more than double the amounts you’d previously received. Her postscript thanked you for your hard work with the Avengers, specifically, your patience with Tony and his constant quips, but that she wanted you to take some time to yourself and explore the world. Twenty-one, she said, was a tremendously important year for young women, and that she hoped to see more of your photography that was special to you, rather than necessary to her.

That night, you broke your apartment lease and made plans to travel at the end of the month. For the next 30 days, you took some of the best photos you had ever taken of the Avengers. However, you deeply regretted every photo you took of Captain Rogers. They were never as detailed or intimate as any of the rest. He was always either in a group setting, or far off, jogging, training, perhaps reading a book… across the kitchen, on the other side of a window.

You were afraid of him. Or rather, you were afraid of how your body reacted to him. From time to time, you’d see him look at you apologetically, which made it a million times worse.

After your assignment was finished and the rest of the payment was deposited in your account, you sold your furniture and packed two bags. For the two years, you spent time in Thailand, Russia, Italy, New Zealand, Saudi Arabia, and even a few icy weeks visiting the Arctic.

Once again, you picked up your Soulmates Series. This time you solely focused on what you lovingly called peculiar pairs.

In Thailand, you found a pair of non-gender conforming soulmates who lived in a large community of entirely non gender conforming people. Most of the country itself was extremely accepting and kindhearted, something that pained you to think about in regard to your own home. You learned so much about sexuality and identity in your time with them, and at the end of your trip, you felt entirely changed about your perspective on what it was to be male and female- and whether or not it actually mattered!

In Russia, you met two people who identified as asexual- one being intersex. On the day you met, he identified as male and wore trousers and ordered the strongest coffee you had ever tasted. The next day, you hardly recognized him in a lavender gown, and were surprised and happily obliged when he asked you to use feminine pronouns. Upon your departure, he was back again in trousers and let you use masculine pronouns in your writing. It broke your heart to learn about their struggle in a country that shunned and viewed them with contempt.

Your travels brought you to many identities and many facets of love. There were couples who never engaged in romantic activity, but cherished each other more than you’d ever felt from another soul. There were others still who’s lives were kept secret from their families and their society, at large. There was a household in Italy with a husband and wife, not soulmates, living with another man, whose soulmate had been the husband. They met by chance on the train. The wife was 7 months along, and there was incredible tension under their roof. Most days, they made it fine, some days, she expressed to you, she couldn’t help but fall asleep crying.

Sometimes, you would meet soulmates that made you truly question the work. These pairs haunted you.

In New Zealand, a man was 65 when he met his soulmate; he had waited all his life. She was a young volunteer at the day care center where he worked. He thought she would reject him because of their age difference, but she loved him. They spent one blissful day together. The next day, she was involved in a fatal accident on her way to work. You sat in silence in his living room as he held onto a picture of her and sobbed.

At the end of your travels, departing from Saudi Arabia, your heart was full of grief about soulmates. The last pair you visited was in a dimly lit home, where the husband smoked profusely, and you could not see his wife until the very end. When she came into the light, her eyes were both blackened, and she could not speak due to the stitches in her mouth.

Returning to Manhattan, at age 23, you had given up on not only your own soulmate, but all soulmate indoctrination. Your heart was hardened by the knowledge that predestiny could usher in such suffering, and that love could be so terrible. You began to resist.

Next Chapter

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #stucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #reader insert #mcu x reader #Mystery of Love heli0s #soulmate au

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supremeuppityone · 4 years

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Written for Klaroline Valentine's Day Bingo 2020 @kcvalentinesbingo

Prompt: “A dare is a dare.”

Author’s note: This is the much-requested sequel to Chapter 63: Drowning Secrets in the Sea, found in my Klaroline series, A Beautiful Symmetry.

Warning: Casual references to drugs

Please review here.

“This is your idea of an adventure?”

Caroline whipped her head around, mouth curving up into a pleased grin as she took in Klaus’ rumpled appearance. “Your university’s still skimping on the travel budget, huh? You know, just because they pay for coach doesn’t mean you have to fly it.”

“Not all of us can afford first class, sweetheart,” Klaus replied, pulling Caroline to her feet and playfully spinning her around the cramped basement.

She kissed one of his dimpled cheeks, suddenly giddy and hopeful. He was here. She honestly hadn’t known what to expect when she sent him the artifacts and GPS coordinates. “Seriously? Just because I fly first class, doesn’t mean I actually pay for it.” At his amused chuckle, she allowed herself to press into him, his warmth and familiar scent washing over her. She’d missed him more than she’d cared to admit. It only had been a couple of weeks since he’d let her walk away, angry and hurt by what she’d done.

“Are you still mad at me,” she asked tentatively, stepping away to give herself a bit of space for this conversation.

He hesitated, running his fingers through his disheveled curls a few times before he finally spoke. “You pretended to be an archeologist to gain access to priceless artifacts that my father commissioned you to steal. You could’ve ruined my academic career — everything I’ve ever worked for.”

She bowed her head, her heart sinking in her chest. Did he come all this way just to tell her off?

“But then you also didn’t go through with it and came back to save my life,” he continued, his tone a bit shaky. “I’ve missed you every moment since you left,” he confessed, standing in front of her once more, his touch tender as he caressed her cheek. “And I’m tired of missing you, love.”

Their kiss was nothing like their first one — while that night in the bar had been hesitant, now their kiss was frantic; fueled by the past deception and a tentative promise of forgiveness. He tasted like her future. And Caroline had no intention of walking away from it twice. “I missed you too,” she admitted, placing kisses along his jawline.

It was when he started to untie the silken knot at her waist that she snapped back to reality. With a sigh of regret, she gently pushed away, telling him, “We’ll need to pick this up later — a business associate is meeting me here in a minute.”

Klaus looked skeptically around the dusty room, asking, “What sort of business meeting could you have down here?”

“The private kind.” She considered him carefully, bending down to scoop up a few dusty books and folders to shove into his arms. “So, I don’t want you to freak out, but we’re meeting a kind of go-between for a gunrunnermobbossguy — but don’t worry! He’s totally safe and I’ve worked with him before.” She winced as she saw his gray eyes grow wide with alarm despite the fact that she’d hoped her rapid-fire words wouldn’t really register.

“Did you just say we’re meeting with a ‘gunrunner mob boss’? Bloody hell, Caroline!”

She rolled her eyes, checking her watch as she corrected him. “He’s a go-between. He’s not actually a gunrunner mob boss. He just works for one.”

“How is that any better? And how are you going to explain me? What’s my cover?”

Caroline snorted. Klaus was adorable when he panicked. “Calm down, James Bond. You’re playing the role of a nervous archaeologist completely out of his depth. Something tells me you’ll pull that off beautifully.” At his grumpy expression, she impulsively poked one of his dimples, telling, him, “Where’s your adventurous spirit? You know you want to embrace it — otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

“I’d thought we’d start with dinner,” he mumbled, a hint of a smile starting to appear the longer he looked at her.

“Perhaps you can postpone your plans a bit, mate? We’re on a bit of a deadline,” interrupted a cocky voice as heavy footsteps finished descending the stairs into the basement.

Caroline instantly went into her work persona, adapting her stance and demeanor to best put Galen at ease. “Galen Vaughn, you slimy bastard, the next time you let me borrow a grappling hook, make sure you didn’t break off one of the ends on Kangchenjunga Peak.”

His blue eyes crinkled with mirth, cuffing her on the shoulder as he said jovially, “You managed a’right, didn’t you, lass? If memory serves, you repaid me in kind when you sold me out to the Germans.”

“Looks like it worked out alright for you — considering you’re now their go-between.” Sharpening her tone slightly, she decided to move the meeting along. “Tell me the specs and deadline.”

“Two spear points about 12 centimeters each. Day after next.” He nodded toward Klaus. “Who’s this?”

Caroline kept her tone light as she explained, “This is Klaus, my expert. He’ll authenticate on-site.”

As though to make up for her non-committal introduction, Klaus sprang forward, shaking Galen’s hand a bit too enthusiastically. “I’m an archaeologist. I can identify artifacts from 3000 BC to AD 500. While my main expertise in in classical antiquity, I have completed extensive fieldwork in Bronze and Iron Age dig sites. In fact, I lectured extensively on the evolution of the battle ax and advanced smelting techniques. It actually was quite fascinating how groundbreaking their metalsmiths were...” he trailed off, somewhat self-conscious when he noted Caroline’s indulgent smile. “Anyway...I uh, like...old things.”

Did Klaus purposely make his accent deeper because Galen has a Scottish accent? “Right. As you can see, we’ve got this,” she told Galen dryly.

“I’m impressed you’d take such an eager partner,” Galen replied skeptically, “he seems quite green, lass.”

Since it looked like Klaus was squaring off to punch a friend of one of the most dangerous mobs in Eastern Europe, Caroline hastily shook Galen’s hand, sealing their deal. “Day after next,” she told him solemnly. He left with little more than a curt nod, his jovial demeanor instantly replaced by a more disquieting nature. Such was the way of this business.

“Bollocks. Between the dodgy codes and the wanker with the pretentious facial hair, I’m a bit lost as to our mission, sweetheart.”

She cheerfully answered, “It’s no big deal — we just need to infiltrate a party tonight and steal some Bronze Age artifacts so we can sell them to this gunrunner mob boss I know.” At his incredulous expression, she winked and added, “And you have stubble too.”

“Clearly mine’s better.”

Caroline softened her tone, noting the wariness in Klaus’ gray eyes. “If you want out, I get it. No hard feelings, ok?”

“It’s not that; I’d just like to know what I’m getting into.” His gaze was penetrating, as though searching for something. “Why put yourself in danger? There’s a larger gain than just riches, isn’t there?”

She crossed her arms, not comfortable giving so much of herself away. But she needed to learn. “Mikael took my mother off the donor’s list so that I’d work for him. When I killed him, I lost my one chance to get her name restored. My only option is a black-market kidney and this job will get me the cash I need to make that happen.”

The kiss he gave her was electric; it burned her all the way to her toes and she arched into him, a tiny little moan escaping. “Does this mean you’re in?”

That devilish smirk of his was all the answer she needed.

_________________________________

The estate was stubbornly built on the marshes along the coast of the Baltic Sea, proving that even the immensely wealthy could be ignorant dipshits. Caroline critically eyed the tall rooftops of the main house and its surrounding buildings, the crooked lines wordlessly demonstrating that everything was slowly sinking, eventually to be reclaimed by the sea. She could feel Klaus tensing beside her, and she patted his arm affectionately. “Relax — the doorman is barely coherent after his wild night at the Hunter’s Mark. He’s barely going to glance at our invitation, and even if he did, it’s been expertly forged.” She gave him a sly wink, adding, “By me.”

“How do you know what he was up to last night,” he whispered back, eyes darting around the ornate courtyard of marble statues.

“Because I paid off his dealer to ensure he never ran out,” she answered matter-of-factly, favoring the pale, sweaty doorman with a sunny smile as she handed over the ivory parchment invitation she’d painstakingly threaded with gold along the borders to match the genuine ones. As she suspected, they were waived inside with barely a glance, and she smugly handed Klaus a champagne flute.

“Impressive,” he murmured, casting curious glances around the immense ballroom with its 10-piece orchestra quietly playing chamber music.

“Yeah, they’re pretty impressive. The Martins have been running drugs out of Kiel for decades; their territory is perfectly situated to take advantage of the port. They launder much of their profits with a string of online boutiques set up by the younger siblings, Greta and Luka,” she murmured, snatching a smoked salmon canape from a silver serving tray.

Klaus seemed to slowly relax as he acclimated to his surroundings, a bemused look on his face as he eyed the cascading fountain of champagne flowing from a beautifully crafted ice sculpture in the center of the room. “I meant you were impressive, sweetheart. You’re brilliant, remarkably talented, and adventurous — enviable qualities the rest of the world only dreams of possessing.” He leaned in, his accented voice low and sexy as he added, “Not to mention your ethereal, utterly enchanting beauty.”

There went her heart doing that fluttery thing again. He already was wearing the hell out of that Tom Ford tuxedo, but then to have him whisper those things — things that maybe she’d heard before but no one ever really meant — made her want to shove him into that gold leaf and pearl-tiered cake and lick the buttercream off.

As though pleased she was rendered momentarily speechless, Klaus suddenly gripped her waist, spinning her onto the polished marble floor. His touch was commanding, but not forceful, which she appreciated. Almost as much as his smooth muscles underneath her touch. The red satin of her dress wound its way between them as Klaus performed surprisingly intricate footwork.

At her small gasp of surprise, Klaus flashed her a dimpled smirk. “I may have a few moves.”

“Nice moves,” she said, a bit breathless as he led her through a reverse spin that had her momentarily crowded against his chest. She couldn’t help but rest her palm against his chest. Firm, but it was more than that — he felt like a steady person. Someone she could trust. “Mystic Falls, Virginia.” At his questioning brow, she explained, “It’s where I’m from. Well, we bounced around a lot of big cities when I was a kid, but that’s where we finally stayed.” She hesitated, unsure of how he’d react. It was a big step — and one she’d never taken before. “My mom still lives there...maybe, um, you’d like to meet her?”

At Klaus’ stunned silence, she hurriedly backtracked, telling him, “No, I get it — it’s probably way too soon for that. I’vejustneverbeenlikethiswithanyone and I’m not sure what the steps are. But I can figure it out. Seriously, I can be good at steps. All the steps. Probably. It’s just that I need to head back there for a bit once we get our business here settled and her kidney secured and I know it’s a lot to ask —”

“I’d be honored,” he quickly answered, kissing her soundly. “And it’s certainly not a chore to get to know you better, love,” he admonished when he broke the kiss, dipping her until she giggled with relief.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a slight commotion as the aerial silk acrobats had arrived and were starting to set up in the main courtyard. Perfect. “Follow me,” she whispered in his ear, casually leading him down a narrow corridor full of priceless artwork resplendent with inlaid lapis lazuli and hammered silver frames. “While most of the guests are distracted, we need to get what we came for — two Bronze Age spear points.”

They stopped in front of a tall glass case, admiring the artifacts perched on a carved ebony pedestal. “They were unearthed in the muddy riverbed of the Tollense Valley. It’s a unique find for the region, marking a significant battle around 3200 years ago. Archaeometallurgical studies have pinpointed the geological origin of the metals’ composition, which means you can trace the route these spear points took to get to the valley.”

“Except determining the geological origin of the metals isn’t infallible when you take into consideration the various ore ingots used along trade routes as currency. So, your premise, while admirable, is flawed.”

“My premise is flawed?! Are you seriously discounting all of the cutting-edge work Drs. Maxfield and Branson published in the American Journal of Archaeology? Or the Nordic Bronze Age metallurgy expertise of Dr. Hildegard,” Caroline hissed, feeling her temper rise. She’d just started to recite the latest research statistics on copper-based metals across Bronze Age Europe when she noticed the tips of his ears growing red. Suddenly, she burst into giggles at the ridiculousness of the situation.

Klaus’ confusion gave way to amusement as he too started chuckling. “We’re never going to agree, are we?”

“Nope. But where’s the fun in that,” she asked, leaning over to kiss him soundly on the lips. She broke off the kiss with a twinkle in her eye, sticking out her leg to take advantage of the deep slit in her dress in order to access her lock pick kit. She deftly worked at the enormous mechanism lock behind the glass case, rolling her eyes at the Martins’ foolish assumption that bigger was better when it came to security.

The interlocking tumblers easily gave way, and as she carefully opened the glass door, Klaus murmured, “You make burglary sexier than it has any right to be, sweetheart.”

“Sweet talker,” Caroline replied fondly, delicately sliding the spear points into the leather strap across her thigh. “If you’re lucky, I might let you help me remove these later. Artifacts require such a gentle touch, you know.”

From that lustful gleam, it seemed he was ready to take her up on her offer sooner rather than later, but unfortunately, they had company. From the heavy black eyeliner and holdover grunge ensembles, she knew exactly who had found them. “Shit. It’s the Travelers.” She quickly pulled Klaus up a narrow staircase, explaining, “So, maybethere’s also this cult of crazy fanatics who are interested in the spear points. They’re convinced some ancient ancestor was a powerful witch who disturbed the natural balance and was cast out of her community.”

With a troubled sigh that turned into a choked laugh, he pulled loose his bowtie as they hid out on a balcony, staring down at the courtyard very far below. “And what does that nonsense have to do with our artifacts?”

He said ‘our’. It inexplicably filled her with warmth and she again had to tamp down those lusty thoughts. Action now — then some real action later. “It’s kind of hard to follow and has more embarrassing plot holes than a CW show, but supposedly there was a curse that had something to do with doppelgangers, massive earthquakes and possibly a boat anchor and they think these artifacts will somehow break the curse.”

He scoffed, but whatever skeptical diatribe he was about to begin was stopped short when there was a loud banging on the double doors to the room where they’d been hiding. Glancing over the balcony once more, he wryly asked, “Does your skillset include flying?”

Following his line of sight, she spied some of the aerial silks the acrobats had hung for their performance. As the edges of the jewel-toned fabrics fluttered near the balcony, she asked, “Are you daring me to jump out this window and slide down a curtain?”

Wincing a bit at the sound of wood starting to splinter from the psycho cult just outside, he told her, “Perhaps I found my adventurous spirit.”

“Fine. But we’re jumping together.”

Klaus smirked, grabbing her by the waist as they each clutched the sturdy fabric. “I suppose a dare is a dare.”

#kcvalentinesbingo #klaroline fanfic #uppity bitch fanfic #klaroline #grifter caroline is so much fun to write #klaroline aesthetic #aesthetic

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wickednerdery · 6 years

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Title: Taste Author: @wickednerdery Fandom: Tolkien/The Hobbit Pairing/character: Thranduil/Reader Rating: FRM Summary: “...I was curious of your taste.” Notes: This started as a random, vague, thought in my head and grew like a damned forest fire....There’s been a LOT of damn fine Lee Pace/Thranduil stuff on my dash recently, lol!! …Anyway gets a “Read More” cut because it’s NSFW and long (if you wanna get right to the dirty stuff, just skip to the second half, haha), lol!

It’d been long since I had the feeling of an outsider in my own home, but here it returned, strengthened, as the Elves of Mirkwood whispered about the firen among their guests. Some spoke in interest, some in worry, others insult, but all were careful to avoid me as a being. There would be no direct acknowledgement of my existence until the Elvenking had his say in it.

His statement was short; a cold raking of eyes over my body, a sigh, and a declaration to begin the feast of Ethuil.

After the feast there was wine and music and singing and dancing and I escaped it all to settle just beyond the walls to take in the night sky. These were not my people, but neither was Man. As a child I wondered what had made me so undesirable to the Edain that I would be left to die...at least with the Elves I knew. I did not shine, I did not flow or float through existence as they did. No matter how skilled, how poised, I was for my own kind I would always be flawed for theirs. And, one day, I would grow old and die.

“You are not attending my festivities.” The voice was glass-smooth, deep as a cave. “You do me great dishonor.” He hissed slightly in the last word so that I shivered into my turn.

He stood tall as an Anod with silken white hair and skin that shone in the moonlight. Rarely did I pay much mind to the appearance of Elves these days, but the king seemed beyond others of his kind. In iced eyes I gave up my voice in favor of controlling my body, denying myself the urge to touch what was forbidden.

“You dare refuse to speak to a king?” He switched to the common tongue, perhaps thinking I could not speak Sindarin.

“Forgive me, your highness,” I lowered my head, snapped back into reality. “I did not dare to dream one such as yourself would speak to me.”

His breath suggested pleasure at my words, but his message was the same. “You are not attending my festivities. What am I to take from this?”

I raised my head, but not my eyes. “I fear am I not welcome. Not...not by you, your majesty, but by others. I do not belong, I know this. I did not wish to become a distraction to your celebration.” The words were placation, but only in their delivery. I knew I was a distraction, I knew I did not belong, and I did fear that I was unwelcome by at least some of the revelers.

“Look at me, Adaneth.” Thranduil ordered, I obeyed. “Your people are my guests, therefore you are my guest. I will not have my guests in an un-festive manner on the feast of Ethuil, it does not bode well for the new year.”

“Yes, your majesty.”

The Elvenking’s lips flicked up, then he began to lean. Down. In. The smell of fresh trees and wildflowers filled my nose as his breath became a cool breeze on my cheek. Once pressed, however, his lips were warm. Warm and soft and he turned into stars as everything around us went black.

I awoke wrapped in silk with the sensation of feathery clouds beneath. The only light came from the moon and the man settled as if upon his throne before me. “I am accustomed to the behaviors of the males of your race,” he soothed out. “But, tell me, do the females faint with frequency?”

His delivery was either in earnest or poorly executed jest and left me unsure how to answer. I begged forgiveness. “Goheno nin, Aran Thranduil.” I examined the bed born from a tree I’d been lain in, I examined the similar chair Thranduil lounged in, but I dare not look at the Elvenking.

“Are you frightened?”

“Ashamed.”

In a single, swift, move he was on the bed beside me. “Look at me.” I did. “Do not hide your shame from me again, Adaneth.”

“Yes, your highness.”

He closed in and I focused only on remaining still, with eyes open, as Thranduil’s scent again threatened to overwhelm. My breath held as soft lips again hit my skin; this time I could feel the warmth of them spread through me, pool in my belly. In his draw back his head tilted with interest and I saw it was a test, though of what was not clear.

“You smell, taste, of Ennor, is this always so?”

I shrugged, unsure what to make of the statement or the question that followed it. Elves could sense things I never could and their tastes were not always the same. I could not discern if this was a compliment, insult, or merely commentary...and I dared not presume any should I risk offense.

Thranduil leaned in, my breath held, and he paused. “Do you wish not to be kissed?

“I wish not to faint,” I blurted the confession so that his lips curled in amusement.

“Worry not, frail child, I would catch you as before.”

Reassuring hands cupped my face, added chill to compliment the heat of his mouth, as it sought and caught mine. While there were thousands of years experience to his actions, there was testing too. The kiss growing hard, demanding submission, before lightening into a tease, then back to dominating again. His tongue ran along my lips only to brush past in search of my tongue, teasing it, tempting it to follow his movements. He tasted heavily of wine and berried sweets.

I shuddered as a hand traveled down from face to collarbone to breast, whimpered when it pulled away. The iciness of his eyes thawed only to be replaced by a blue blaze as the tips of his fingers returned. There was a rush that soared through my veins, set bumps across my flesh, and propelled my lips to his.

Even in taking the initiative there was no doubting the king was in charge. The king whose touch turned into grab, grope, massage as nipples grew hard against the soft fabric that separated his skin from mine. The king who, so swift I cannot remember how, put me on my back with thighs spread to cradle his body. The king who, in a single rut across my body, released an excitement from within that I’d never felt.

A gasp escaped at the sudden wetness between my thighs, the stick of my slip against the back of my legs. His arousal was undeniable, pressing, grinding, against my pelvis. My hands fumbled to unclasp and unknot his tunic, expose marble skin to my hungry mouth; his hands tore, as if my gown were fân, and I arched when his mouth devoured bare breasts.

Perhaps I should have asked why - why me, why now - but I dared not speak lest I break the spell.

With hands moving up my dress, grazing across slowly exposed skin, Thranduil continued down the terrain of my body. His tongue, teeth, lips devoted itself to every peak and valley to be found until mouth met hands at the hips. “Edro.” He ordered and I obeyed.

“Gods!” I cried as his tongue slipped between my folds, flicked against the bundle of nerves only my own hands had touched before. The reaction pleased him as his cool laugh chilled before he repeated the act. My legs attempted to close in the overwhelming rush of his ministrations, but his hands quickly took the option from me. He held me down, still, opened wide for him to do as he pleased...as I pleased, begging to him and the Valar and every being in existence for him to never stop.

The heat of his mouth attended to my clit, kissing softly, then suckling at it, before letting cool air brush across it so that I risked jumping. His tongue lapped at my juices, drew teasingly around my entry, before dipping in to taste my arousal from its source.

I mewled, a hint of discomfort mixing with the pleasure, as a slickened finger replaced the tip of his tongue. My hips rolled on instinct; my desire fell to need as another finger stretched me. I could not speak, could not think, beyond my gasping arousal. The flame begun in my belly turned raging fire that spread throughout, drove tension into my muscles, flooded my cunt and thighs.

I saw nothing, heard nothing, as the blackness and stars threatened to take me over again. I felt only Thranduil - his fingers caressing a place inside I’d never known existed, his mouth tasting every ounce of me, his breath causing shudders - and my own heart pounding against my ribs. I arched in a high gasp, gripped the king’s sheets, and shook with such intensity I feared something was wrong with me.

As quickly as I was overwhelmed, I was relaxed in a way I’d not experienced before. I felt as if I finally understood the word bliss in its truest form. There was a whimper in my panting as the king pulled his fingers from me and I was left hollow.

“Thuio,” he reminded softly, sternly, as he settled to lay beside me. “I cannot abide you losing consciousness with every contact we make.”

My next exhale was a small laugh, then I grew hopeful. “There will be more?”

“Not tonight.” I frowned and it was his turn to laugh. “We’ve been gone from the festivities far too long.”

“What about you? Your desire?”

He kissed my forehead, then my lips, softly. “My desire is under my control.” It was a gentle reassurance before he stood and took care to reassemble his flawless appearance. “I will send someone with a new gown for you, do not worry or rush...you’ve fainted, remember?” There was a tint of a smirk to his lips.

“Thranduil...your highness?”

His brows arched expectantly.

“Why?”

“I told you, Adaneth, I was curious of your taste.”

He gave a long, slow, bow to me and swept out the door.

This is probably just a one-shot of naughtiness, but if I think of a good follow-up I’ll write it, I’m sure. And, yes, throughout I used Elvish - specifically Sindarin, which to the best of my research/recall is what Thranduil speaks - and I’ll put the meanings of the words at the bottom for those curious...and please don’t attack if I’m wrong on these, I used a few sites and, haha, I’m not an Elvish expert, lol!

Next Pieces: Scent, Sight, Sound

Not tagging anyone, but IF I write more and you want to be tagged, just let me know.

(The gif was found on Google and edited by me.)

Word Glossary (in order of usage):

Firen - human Ethuil - Spring, the first season of the Elvish new year Edain - Man, as in the species Anod - Ent, the trees that are people in The Lord of the Rings Adaneth - Woman, as in the female of the species Man Goheno nin, Aran Thranduil - translation: Forgive me, King Thranduil Ennor - Middle-Earth, as in not just earth/dirt, lol Fân - (basically) veil of clouds Edro - the imperative of open, as in it’s a command Valar - "angelic powers" or "gods" subordinate to the one God Thuio -the imperative of breathe, as in it’s a command

#thranduil #lord of the rings #the hobbit #elves #elvenking #thranduil x reader #fanfiction #My writing #not my gifs #by also kinda my gifs #smutty smut #i don't even know #i don't even care #come and play with me #mirkwood #lee pace

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huntercountry477 · 3 years

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Switchresx Crack

Download SwitchResX for Mac to custom resolutions, desktop icon position saving & more. SwitchResX has had 2 updates within the past 6 months. SwitchResX fixes all that and allows you to select any possible screen mode that your device supports from a comprehensive (yet easy to use) user interface. As a bonus, the missing screen modes will appear in Apple's Display preferences like magic, as soon as you start SwitchResX. Downloads like Switchresx 4.9.1 Macos may often include a crack, keygen, serial number or activation code to make it the full version. If it does then it will be found in the download file itself. Copy & Paste Links The word 'serial' in warez context means a unique number which identifies the license of the software as being valid. SwitchResX gives you unparalleled control over your monitor's resolution. Resolution Management Whether you prefer to use the menu bar or nested contextual menus, SwitchResX gives you constant, simplified access to the resolution management options you need. Controls include. Monitor Resolution. SwitchResX is a reliable macOS application designed from the ground up to help you to stay in control of your Mac’s monitor and its resolutions. With the help of SwitchResX you can manage the resolution of anything from MacBook Retina displays and Cinema Displays to TV sets and projectors.

In this guide I will show you how to uninstall SwitchResX on your Mac. This uninstall process does not follow standard procedures. I tried using this software to get an ultra-wide resolution out of my mac air. Unfortunately I was not able to get it to work. I’m not sure if it was user error or software but ultimately led to uninstalling the software.

Preferences

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You will most likely be left at this Preferences window for SwitchResX. Click the back button that is pointed out by the red arrow below.

Now look for the SwitchResX icon and right click (or two finger click) and select Remove 'SwitchResX' Preference Pane. At this point you have now successfully uninstalled SwitchResX. If these instructions worked for you or need to make a modification, please drop a comment below to help future readers!

If you would like to suggest a new article or video to be released, please reach out via the Contact Page. I look forward to hearing your feedback and providing content that is helpful for you!

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myhealthbeautyconcerns · 3 years

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How to audit Core Web Vitals

A step-by-step procedure to identify problems and prioritize changes ahead of the Page Experience Update.

Google declared in May 2020 that Core Web Vitals would be incorporated into Google’s algorithms in 2021. But that there was “no imminent need to take action”. Google announced in November 2020 that this update will go into effect in May-June 2021. Thus now is the time for site owners and SEOs all over the world to take action on the aptly called Page Experience Update.

What are Core Web Vitals?

Core Web Vitals are a set of measures that are used to assess a website’s loading speed, interactivity, and visual consistency. All three are linked to site speed in some way. Which we’ve known for a long time to be crucial for both search engines and people.

What’s particularly intriguing about Core Web Vitals, and in particular the Page Experience Update, is that Google isn’t always open about the details of its algorithm adjustments. However, in this situation, we’ve been told the exact metrics we’ll be measuring and improving. As well as the date the change will take effect. This shows that Page Experience undoubtedly will be a critical improvement. But also one that we can realistically prepare for. As long as the auditing process is detailed and accurate. Here are the metrics that need to be analyzed in a Core Web Vitals audit:

Largest Contentful Paint (LCP)

assesses the efficiency of loading (i.e., how long it takes for the largest item in the viewport to load). To avoid a “bad” score, LCP should occur within 2.5 seconds of when the page first starts loading, or no more than 4 seconds (but anything between 2.5 and 4 seconds “needs improvement”).

First Input Delay (FID)

Interactivity is measured (i.e., how long it takes for the website to respond when a user clicks on something). To avoid a “bad” score, pages should have an FID of less than 100 milliseconds or a maximum of 300 milliseconds (but anything between 100 and 300 milliseconds “requires improvement”). Because First Input Delay requires field data. A comparable metric is used in the audit method explained in this article, “Total Blocking Time (TBT),”. But this audit employs lab data because field data may not always be available for the website you are investigating.

Cumulative Layout Shift (CLS)

determines the visual stability (i.e., whether or not the page jumps around as the user scrolls through the content). To avoid a “bad” score, pages should have a CLS of less than 0.1 or a minimum of 0.25 (although anything between 0.1 and 0.25 is still “requires work”).

This audit concentrates on metrics with a “poor” score because these will be the most important areas to address, but you can also include “needs improvement” indicators. Let’s get started on the audit process now. That we know what we’re auditing.

How to audit Core Web Vitals using Screaming Frog

Knowing what Core Web Vitals are is one thing; finding a mechanism to audit and communicate Core Web Vitals issues to clients in a way that is both helpful and actionable is another. When dealing with Core Web Vitals concerns, the audit procedure I’ve put up is aimed to provide genuine facts, examples, and data to work with.

Three items are required to begin the audit:

The Screaming Frog website crawler in a premium edition.

A key for the PageSpeed Insights API (which you can get from this Google PageSpeed Insights documentation page).

The website you’re auditing’s domain.

Step 1: Connect the PageSpeed Insights API key to Screaming Frog

You must first link your PageSpeed Insights API key to Screaming Frog. You’ll be able to obtain PageSpeed Insights statistics and recommendations on a page-by-page basis as a result of this. They only get a certain number of PageSpeed Insights queries each day (about 25,000), which should suffice for smaller sites, but for larger sites, you’ll need to upgrade. They will be able to apply what you’ve learned from the pages that generate the most traffic to the rest of the site.

Open Screaming Frog and go to Configuration > API Access > PageSpeed Insights with your PageSpeed Insights API key in hand.

In the “Secret Key” box, paste your API key.

“Connect” should be selected.

Click on “Metrics” once you’ve joined. The metrics that will be displayed within your crawl will be defined here. I’m picking “All Metric Groups” for the purposes of this audit. But you can select only the ones you want to report on and click “OK.”

The metrics groupings provided are as follows:

Summary — Provides a high-level overview of the page, including its size and potential load savings.

Data from the Chrome User Experience Report (CrUX Metrics). If field data from real-life, opted-in users is available, it will appear here.

Lighthouse Metrics — This is where we get the majority of the lab data for the audit, including LCP, TBT, and CLS scores.

Opportunities — Offers suggestions for improving page speed on a page-by-page basis.

Diagnostics — Provides more information regarding the crawled website’s overall performance.

Step 2: Crawl the website

The next step is to begin your crawl. Copy the domain of the website you’re crawling and paste it into the “Enter URL to Spider” box at the top of the crawler. You’ll notice both a “Crawl” and an “API” progress bar in the top right-hand corner as the site gets crawled. Before you begin evaluating your data, you must wait for both of these to reach 100%.

Step 3: Report the size of the problem

Before you get into the specifics of what needs to be fixed, you must first express the scope of the issue. To do so, look at the percentage of pages that fail to meet each of the Core Web Vital’s minimal standards.

Select “PageSpeed” and then “Export” from the top navigation bar.

Find the following columns in your exported data and filter accordingly:

Filter by Largest Contentful Paint Time (ms) to identify all pages with an LCP of 4000ms or higher.

Total Blocking Time (ms) – Use this filter to locate all pages with a total blocking time of 300ms or higher.

Cumulative Layout Shift – Use this filter to locate all pages that have a CLS of 0.25 or higher.

Add this information to a separate datasheet so you or your customer can quickly see which pages fail each Core Web Vital. The percentage of pages on the site that fail each Core Web Vitals minimal criteria can then be reported. Here’s an example I recently emailed to a client:

95 percent of pages have a Largest Contentful Paint of more than 4 seconds (fail) – see the accompanying datasheet’s “LCP >4s” tab.

The Total Blocking Time on 58 percent of pages is over 300 milliseconds (fail) – see the “TBT >300ms” item in the attached datasheet for further information.

The Cumulative Layout Shift score on 93 percent of pages is over 0.25 (fail) – check the “CLS >0.25” tab in the accompanying datasheet for more information.

Now that you have a full list (or a sample list, if the site is too huge) of pages that fail to meet Core Web Vitals minimum limits, developers will know where to look for them. You can also report any patterns you observe now (e.g., it’s only blog pages, etc.).

Step 4: Report the issues specific to each page and make appropriate recommendations

This is where we turn problems into solutions during the audit. We’re aware that a certain number of pages are failing to meet Core Web Vitals’ basic standards. But what can we (or the client) do about it? This is where the PageSpeed Insights API shines the brightest.

Scroll down to “PageSpeed” under the “Overview” tab on the right-hand side. The list of issues/recommendations relating to page performance and, for the most part, Core Web Vitals may be found here.

The issues described here cover a wide range of topics. If there are any you don’t recognize, look them up on the web. dev page for further information. While the information provided by Screaming Frog and PageSpeed Insights does not provide a full list of all issues that can affect Core Web Vitals. It does aid in the overall analysis of your/your client’s site.

To see the pages affected by an issue, click on it and export them to your datasheet. You’re now reporting on the specifics of how many pages are affected by a problem, as well as the URLs of the pages that are affected. I’ve exported a list of all the pages with render-blocking resources that could be affecting LCP in the example below. I may now advise the customer to review this list and determine whether inlining, It might be conceivable to delay or remove the resources on these pages.

You’ll be able to view the “Savings” that could be realized by correcting that particular issue, either in bytes or milliseconds, for each of the recommendations you’re making. You can now sum up the potential savings for each issue. As well as the average savings that may be made per page by fixing that issue, using the exported data for each issue. So that you can make recommendations for which issues to address first based on the amount of load savings that can be achieved In the example below. The savings in both milliseconds and bytes are considerably greater for Deferring Offscreen Images than Removing Unused CSS. Hence Deferring Offscreen Images will be a higher priority.

Step 5: Report examples of the issues specific to each page

We provide a more comprehensive dataset by reporting on examples of issues related to each page. Allowing the client/developers to immediately grasp what the issue is and whether it is something that can be resolved or not.

Following on from the last example of render-blocking resources. Select one of the URLs that is affected by this problem and click the “PageSpeed Details” button in the bottom navigation bar. The page speed information relevant to the selected page will now be displayed in the bottom left panel. Go to Opportunities > Render Blocking Resources > Remove Render Blocking Resources.

You may now view the URLs of render-blocking resources on that page. Their size (in bytes), and the potential page load savings (in milliseconds) if these render-blocking resources are removed in the bottom-right panel.

Unfortunately, you won’t be able to export these exact concerns in bulk (as far as I know), but you can copy and paste a few instances into your datasheet and search for patterns again. The same materials will frequently exist on many pages/every page of the site, allowing for site-wide application of learnings.

After you’ve gathered this information for each issue on the site. You may write a report with recommendations for each issue in priority order, referencing the information in your datasheet.

Step 6: Once changes have been made, crawl the site again and compare

Because some of the concerns will take time to rectify, the sooner you complete this audit, the better. After you’ve resolved the issues, go back to step one and re-visit the site to check how things have changed. This is where your percentages of pages that do not satisfy Core Web Vitals’ minimum requirements will be useful. As it demonstrates a quick and simple technique to determine whether your adjustments had the desired effect or not.

When I tell clients about Core Web Vitals and the Page Experience Update. One of the most common questions I get is about how this update will affect rankings. Despite the fact that this is a critical update. I don’t think websites that don’t meet the basic requirements will notice a significant decline in rankings overnight. It’s more likely that sites with exceptional content that meets or exceeds Core Web Vitals minimum requirements will see a little boost in rankings, which will, of course, cause minor decreases in rankings for the competitors they pass. This viewpoint is backed up by Google’s own policies on the subject:

“While all aspects of page experience are important. We will favor pages that provide the most useful information overall. Even if certain parts of the page experience are lacking. The importance of having exceptional, relevant content does not outweigh the need for having a decent page experience. Page experience becomes significantly more crucial for visibility in Search in scenarios where there are several pages with comparable content.”

Site owners who satisfy the minimum standards gain a significant benefit in terms of search visibility, and while we can’t anticipate exactly what will happen on the day the Page Experience Update goes live. This audit procedure will assist you in getting ready.

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How to audit Core Web Vitals

A step-by-step procedure to identify problems and prioritize changes ahead of the Page Experience Update.

What are Core Web Vitals?

Largest Contentful Paint (LCP)

First Input Delay (FID)

Cumulative Layout Shift (CLS)

How to audit Core Web Vitals using Screaming Frog

Three items are required to begin the audit:

The Screaming Frog website crawler in a premium edition.

A key for the PageSpeed Insights API (which you can get from this Google PageSpeed Insights documentation page).

The website you’re auditing’s domain.

Step 1: Connect the PageSpeed Insights API key to Screaming Frog

Open Screaming Frog and go to Configuration > API Access > PageSpeed Insights with your PageSpeed Insights API key in hand.

In the “Secret Key” box, paste your API key.

“Connect” should be selected.

The metrics groupings provided are as follows:

Summary — Provides a high-level overview of the page, including its size and potential load savings.

Data from the Chrome User Experience Report (CrUX Metrics). If field data from real-life, opted-in users is available, it will appear here.

Lighthouse Metrics — This is where we get the majority of the lab data for the audit, including LCP, TBT, and CLS scores.

Opportunities — Offers suggestions for improving page speed on a page-by-page basis.

Diagnostics — Provides more information regarding the crawled website’s overall performance.

Step 2: Crawl the website

Step 3: Report the size of the problem

Select “PageSpeed” and then “Export” from the top navigation bar.