#That self-loathing and fear of the self is INTEGRAL to him! See: when he's ACTUALLY scared of the fucking kraken

[dittolicous]

hear me out

stealth black!sanji where sanji does indeed start losing his emotions and word makes it way back to judge, so he has him kidnapped/his death faked and uses science to rush the removal of emotions along with wiping a good chunk of his memories to make him easier to control... the focus however was high-key placed on emotions such as empathy, humility, kindness, joy, etc. since judge wanted to ensure to an absolute degree that sanji's 'flaws' were wiped clean, leaving only the perfected stealth black he was always meant to be

but judge makes a mistake

in his hurry to eradicate the humanity, he didnt consider the consequences of leaving even an inkling of negative emotions within an abused, aching shell - smattering of disjointed memories, blurry faces in sporatic dreams, voices that are just outside his grasp, a longing for something but yet lacking a name...

injured, raw, bloody from unknown wounds he may be, but stupid, sanji is not

he's stealth black, espionage is his specialty, he knows how the human mind works, how words can be twisted, the ways a tide can be turned with the right leverage. all people, with the right tools, are malleable. he also knows the range of his 'father's' skills, knows how far judge would go to secure a victory, how little he fears damaging his own to get the right outcome...

sanji knows

there is a hole where his heart ahould be, deep, dark, and endless. he cannot feel love, but he knows its absence. there is no sympathy for the innocent lives ravaged in the vinsmoke name, yet its mention brings bile to his throat. he sees the sunrise across the sea with blank eyes and watches it set on the corpses of kingdoms with growing repulsion

his brothers laugh, they were taught how despite it having little meaning to them. they echo the teachings of their father.

sanji had that ripped away. he can recognize a hole when he sees it even if he doesnt know what once filled it. there are no empty laughs. no fake smiles. no uncaring boasts. he cannot, there was no reason for him to (were even the echos of joy a risk?)

instead he burns

hot loathing makes a home in his chest. contemp and fury settle in his lungs, growing with every breath he takes, fueled by the embers of despair settling in his stomach

sanji knows despair, knows how deep their roots take in humanity, that to be human is to suffer... but without the other half, the joy of human connection which makes it all worthwhile, the act of living, he cannot conceptualize the value of being alive in the face of such suffering

instead he stands back and watches. unbalanced, unchecked, and under-estimated, stealth black plans. he'll rid the world of their filth, finishing the job blackleg sanji was too weak to do

for in his hurry, judge forgot about sanji's rage, about the depths of his grief and the ferocity of his burning passion. so afraid of one little boys generosity, he brushes off the dangers of unbridled resentment, that malice cannot always be reigned in by an iron fist alone

and where once, there were certain teachings of honor and integrity, of love and belief to temper this flame, judge left nothing. he took away the soft words of a kind mother, the sharp kicks of a caring father (his real father), the unabashed voices of true nakama...

is it really all that surprising that once loving flames would turn into a blazing inferno, one which burns the world indiscriminately?

judge doesnt realize he didnt defang the wolf, no, he removed the muzzle

tl;dr - if a person is made of burning passion and you remove their kindness, wouldnt that just leaving burning? judge focuses only on getting rid of sanji's soft traits not considering that he'd never actually be able to control a sanji that rages indiscriminately, which eventually comes to bite him in the ass as stealth black sets the world on fire out of self-loathing

#one piece #blackleg sanji #vinsmoke sanji #stealth black #sanji #ditto rambles #burning rage au

[coldmail750]

In the continuing saga of me rambling about Beastars - having rambled at length now about four carnivore character arcs, I'd like to talk a bit about an herbivore character arc, one that is one of my favorite arcs in the series, and one that gets done incredibly dirty by how the series ends:

Louis's.

I'll Never Forgive Chapter 194

or, the Ignominious Death of One of Beastars's Best Character Arcs

So at the end of part two of the carnivore parallels essay, I summarized my thoughts on the deeply dysfunctional societal dynamic in Beastars:

...this carnivore-herbivore societal arrangement, as it stands, works for nobody. Herbivores live their lives in constant fear and regularly face either infantilization or objectification, carnivores live with constant self-loathing either for being carnivores or for not being carnivore enough, and hybrids get all the downsides of both with the upsides of neither.

In the same way that Paru uses Legoshi, Bill, Riz, and Ibuki to explore what it's like to live in the society of Beastars as a carnivore, Paru uses Louis to explore what it's like to live in this society as an herbivore - but, given Louis's backstory, he's also got a lot going on that's specific to him (in comparison to characters like Haru and Sebun, from whom we get a picture of slightly more standard herbivore life).

For the purposes of this essay, we're going to be focusing more on that Louis-specific stuff, but we will come back to the broader societal dynamics, because that is still an integral part.

So what is Louis's arc, then?

Louis's character progression, simply put, is him growing more confident with 1) not following the course laid out for him and 2) doing things that society does not approve of.

See, there's a fundamental clash going on between Louis's personality and Louis's situation. On the one hand, Louis is a very strong-willed character. He knows what he wants, is absolutely determined to get it, and has very little patience for anyone who would stand in his way. Indeed, Louis's insistence on living his life on his own terms is a hill he is literally willing to die on, which is part of why Oguma adopts him:

But Louis has never actually been able to live his life on his own terms. As a young child, he lived his life on the terms of the black market, as a piece of meat to be sold and consumed for profit. Adoption by Oguma meant salvation from the black market, but it didn't free Louis from living his life on someone else's terms; it simply changed the "someone else" from the black market to Oguma.

Oguma adopted Louis for a very explicit reason - he needed a respectable heir, another deer that he could pass off as his son who would make a respectable name for himself in school, graduate from a prestigious university, marry someone of the same species and the opposite gender, and inherit the Horns Conglomerate. That is the course that was laid out for Louis the moment Oguma adopted him, the terms by which he has lived ever since.

We can add to that the general Beastars societal pressures - that they will marry within their species, for example - and the societal pressures upon herbivores - that herbivores will hate and fear carnivores, for example - that Louis no doubt was exposed to regularly throughout childhood simply by virtue of living in the world that he did. These societal pressures are largely in line with - or, at the minimum, not in opposition to - the course laid out for him by Oguma, so we can group them together.

So what happens, then, if what Louis wants clashes with the course laid out for him by Oguma and by society? The way the answer to that question changes is how Louis's arc progresses.

At the beginning of the story... okay, to talk about where Louis stands at the beginning of the story, we have to talk about Adler.

Watching how Louis plays the character of Adler tells us how Louis approaches a role. When early manga Louis is playing the role of Adler, he gets really into it; he is constantly practicing, he drags Odie to an illicit nighttime practice to make sure that Odie's performance doesn't drag him down, he memorizes the lines so thoroughly that he can recall them months later, and - crucially - he insists on attempting to play the role even at the expense of his own health, as we see when he attempts to play the role of Adler even on a broken leg, only stopping when he is literally no longer able to due to his injury.

Louis, as it happens, is constantly playing a role - the role of the dutiful, obedient son who does what is expected of him by society and his father - and, at the start of the story, he is invested in playing that role just as much as he is invested in playing the role of Adler the Grim Reaper.

But that dutiful, obedient son is just as much a fictional character as Adler, and even at the very beginning of Beastars, the role is beginning to slip a little when what Louis wants contradicts what's expected of him.

The proof of this is his relationship with Haru. Given the choice between the expectation of his arranged same-species marriage with Azuki and pursuing an interspecies relationship with a rabbit, Louis chooses the latter - but he obsessively tries to cover this up, keep it on the down-low, to give the impression that he's chosen the former. He wants to make it look like he's playing the dutiful son... but he's already kind of unsure about it.

This is symbolically alluded to by the fact that, when Haru and Louis first met, Louis had shed his antlers. Antlers are symbol of a male deer's virility, it's shameful to be seen without them (which is why Louis is trying to hide in the gardening club to begin with), and Louis acts embarrassed when he realizes he's about to kiss Haru while without antlers. But it also works as a way of symbolizing that Louis is clandestinely rejecting the course laid out for him by his father, the course that has him marrying Azuki and taking over the Horns Conglomerate; Louis is literally hiding the fact that he is without Horns.

The next time he's confronted with this choice between what's expected of him and what he wants is when Haru is kidnapped by the Shishigumi. He can either leave Haru to die, which will lead to the mayor erasing the records linking him to the black market, and continue with the plan that he will become Cherryton's beastar, marry Azuki, and succeed his father at Horns; or he can try to save her, at risk to his own life.

Louis tries to force himself to pick the first option. As he tried to play Adler until it broke him physically, he tries to play the obedient son until it breaks him mentally. He snaps, and - like the character Adler - decides that he'll prove his love through death; he charges into the Shishigumi's headquarters, murders their boss, and tells the underlings to kill him, giving Legoshi and Haru the chance to escape.

Of course, the Shishigumi does not kill Louis here, and this marks a turning point for his character development. Before Haru's kidnapping, Louis consistently attempts to pick "what's expected of me", and if he picks "what I want", he does so as furtively as possible.

After Haru's kidnapping, but before the final climax of his arc, Louis consistently picks "what I want" over "what's expected of me", and does so in front of more and more people... but still tries to not draw too much attention to it, justifying his actions only when necessary, and sometimes still telling himself and those around him "I'm definitely doing what's expected of me still, you must be mistaken".

So throughout the bulk of the manga - everything between the fight with the Shishigumi and the fight with Melon - that's Louis's modus operandi. When given a choice between the expectation that he will seek to return to normal society and his preordained course as soon as possible, or staying on as the head of the Shishigumi, he picks the latter; but the only person he tells about this is Oguma, as part of a failed effort to break his familial ties with his father, with Legoshi discovering it by chance and Juno deducing it herself.

When given a choice between sticking to this prejudice against carnivores which herbivores are expected to have, and abandoning it, realizing that he's come to deeply care about and even love the carnivores in his life, Louis picks the latter; he allows Legoshi to eat his leg, a transgression of this world's ultimate societal taboo, to help Legoshi defeat Riz. This stands as a total rejection of Louis's previous bigotry, the overcoming of his childhood trauma, and an expression of just how close he and Legoshi have become - but he keeps it and his reasons for doing it relatively quiet, and, in the same vein, usually hides the fact that he has a prosthesis afterwards.

When given a choice between accepting the title of Cherryton beastar, the sort of high school honor that would look great on the resume of a future Horns CEO, the accolade everyone has been expecting him to win, and refusing it because Legoshi deserves just as much credit but definitely won't get it, Louis picks the latter, and only explains why to Cherryton's headmaster.

The example of this change in habit that is the easiest for comparison, however, is his relationship with Juno.

While Louis's relationship with Legoshi is one based in their having been forged in the same flames, that knowledge that they can rely on each other when they need it, trust the other with their secrets and their lives unconditionally, Louis's relationship with Juno is wrapped up in an... almost envy? for her willingness to pursue his own wants - as is his relationship with Haru.

Haru and Juno are both open about their own wants, as opposed to what society expects of them, in a way that Louis feels he cannot be. Haru knows that being promiscuous is societally vilified, will result in her being shunned and bullied, but she does it anyways, because sex is the only time she's treated like a person, not an object, and she wants to be treated like a person. Juno knows that her entering a different-species relationship with a deer would be societally frowned upon, openly wrestles with this in front of Louis, and ultimately ends up angrily shouting that she loves a deer live on national television.

Louis wants to be able to openly wrestle against societal expectation and do what he wants, consequences be damned, like Haru and Juno do - and he does a little, letting Haru see him without his horns and letting Juno see his prosthesis - but he feels like he can't truly do it because of the expectations imposed on him by Oguma.

The specific contrast between Louis's relationship with Haru and Louis's relationship with Juno that I want to talk about, however, is how and where Louis conducts his relationship with each. Louis's relationship with Haru was something he conducted almost entirely beyond closed doors - a furtive thing that they shared only in places where they thought no one could see them, the quiet dark of the gardening club shed or a space hidden between tents at the Meteor Festival.

Louis's relationship with Juno is something he has in bubble tea cafes, at bus stops, in school hallways, on the metro - in public.

Of course, he insists to himself and to her that it's nothing, he's just indulging her. But no matter how much he tries to convince Juno and himself that nothing is going on here, Louis has once again chosen his personal feelings over the course his father laid out for him, and he's getting increasingly comfortable with doing so openly.

So that's where Louis stands for the bulk of the manga; he's increasingly comfortable with openly doing what he wants rather than what is expected of him, but still feels bound enough by what is expected of him that he avoids calling attention to this fact and still attempts to pretend, at times, that nothing is happening and he's going to precisely follow the course his father laid out for him.

Louis's relationship with Juno (and his relationships with Haru and Legoshi) all stand in contrast to his "relationship" with Azuki, his preordained fiancée.

While Haru and Juno demonstrate a willingness to wrestle against and ignore societal pressures that Louis secretly admires, and Legoshi is overcoming his own internalization of societal messaging in part through his relationship with Louis, Azuki embodies the outside pressures upon Louis. She is same-species, opposite-sex, also of the upper crust, the person who Oguma has arranged Louis to marry.

But there is no relationship, really, between Louis and Azuki. They have met each other a handful of times. Their interactions are stilted and awkward; neither much cares about the other beyond the fact that they are obliged to marry, because their marriage represents a corporate merger between Horns and Azuki's father's corporation. When Louis tries to force himself to become intimate with her, he cannot stop thinking about all the carnivores he actually cares about, and, ultimately, vomits.

The contrast is clear. While Louis's relationships with Haru, Legoshi, and Juno aren't exactly smooth sailing - they're all working through a lot, after all - it's clear that they are actual relationships with people Louis actually cares about, as opposed to his hollow, artificial construct of an outside obligation with Azuki.

There's one more event before the Melon fight that I'd like to talk about, though, and that's Oguma's death.

See, Oguma knows that Louis's "dutiful son" role is an act. Louis gets angry at Oguma over the fact that Oguma never attended any of Louis's plays not over the literal plays themselves but because he is constantly performing a role for someone who is never there to watch the performance; Oguma outright tells Louis that the reason he never went to one of his shows is because he wants Louis's wedding to Azuki to be the first time he sees Louis putting on his best performance.

It seems reasonable to assume that Oguma knows that this is an act because he has spent his entire life putting on the same act. That, once upon a time, Oguma's father laid the same path for him - make a respectable name for himself in school, graduate from a prestigious university, marry someone of the same species and the opposite gender, and inherit the Horns Conglomerate - and that Oguma devoted himself to it, played the part exactly as he was told to.

Since then, as Oguma tells us, he has devoted every aspect of his life to the Horns Conglomerate. He has treated every choice he's made as a business decision, evaluated every relationship he has ever made based on whether or not it was profitable for Horns - and was good at it, the company reaping the profits of his diligence and his devotion.

But now, on his deathbed, he's realized something.

There's one relationship he can't quantify.

Oguma was not a good father to Louis. He was near-totally absent from his son's life, interacting with him once a week; he imposed heavy expectations on Louis, expectations which Louis has spent the entirety of the manga suffering because of. The only halfway-decent father figure Louis had in his life was a lion in the yakuza.

But Oguma did love Louis - felt unable to express it, because of the expectations that he inherited from his father and passed on to his son, but did love him. And now, on his deathbed, Oguma realizes that this is his last chance to tell Louis that a real, loving relationship is more valuable than any business relationship, to the point of being beyond quantification, to tell his son that he loves him.

And as his final act upon the earth, Oguma says "let me do the most unprofitable thing", and hugs Louis.

When Oguma adopted Louis, he freed him from the black market, but he didn't free Louis from having to live his life on someone else's terms. On his deathbed, Oguma rights that wrong by telling Louis that love is more precious than profit - that what Louis wants is more important than that path ending at Horns.

With that, we can finally arrive at the climax of Louis's arc - the press conference during the Melon fight.

When Louis gets behind the podium at that press conference, he has to choose between giving a normal boilerplate speech about how business will continue at the Horns Conglomerate with him as CEO, sliding into the role he was raised for from the moment Oguma adopted him; or, he can bring up the black market, breach every societal taboo about meat-eating and carnivore-herbivore relations, and proclaim openly that he cares about deeply about a wolf and that that wolf is in danger.

As with Haru's kidnapping, this is a choice where his previous strategy for dealing with the conflict between what's expected of him and what he wants no longer works. Where Haru's kidnapping put him in a position where he could no longer pretend to pick the former while clandestinely picking the latter, causing him to shift to picking the latter but not drawing attention to it, he now finds himself in a position where, if he's going to do what he wants, he has to draw attention to it. He has to defy his preordained path, explicitly, live on national TV.

And that's exactly what he does.

Louis has seen the harm the expectations imposed by the society of Beastars can do. He has seen how they hurt Haru, Legoshi, Juno, Bill, Ibuki, Riz, his father, himself. He has watched people bend and break under them, felt the pressure to do so himself, struggled against it his entire life.

But now he has stared down those societal norms that cause or perpetuate so much of the suffering the characters of Beastars face, and won. He is no longer ashamed and fearful like the fawn in the cage, nor embittered and hateful like the young stag we met when the series began, but confident and optimistic. He has gone from feeling the need to bend or break under the expectations upon him, expectations that forced him to choose between what was "acceptable" and the people he cared most about, to using his power and his influence to help change what society expects.

This - Louis's total rejection of the path laid out for him in favor of carving a new path, a better path, alongside the people he cares about - is his great triumph, the culmination of one of the best character arcs I have ever read.

And then comes chapter 194.

Louis, having completed his arc, is given one final choice. He can follow the course laid out for him by his father, have his loveless but societally-approved arranged marriage with Azuki and wholly submit to being the next CEO of the Horns Conglomerate; or he can reject that, "do the most unprofitable thing", and continue his relationships with the people he actually loves.

The manga has very clearly set up Louis and Juno as romantic partners. It's clear that there's a lot going on between Legoshi and Louis, who are incredibly close and whose relationship is a fan favorite. If I'd been writing the manga I would've just made Legoshi, Haru, Louis, and Juno a polycule. If he suddenly declared his love for some random other character he'd never even interacted with before it... would be unsatisfying for a lot of other reasons, but it would still technically kind of fit with his progression as a character, because it would still be him choosing his desires over societal & familial expectations.

The only clearly wrong choice here, the choice which it makes no sense for Louis to make and which cannot be reconciled with his growth as a person, is for him - having been freed from his father's expectations by Oguma on his deathbed, having totally rejected the societal pressures upon him on national television at the culmination of the manga's final battle - to suddenly, inexplicably, for no good reason, throw all of his character development out of the window and cave to marrying Azuki.

siiiiiiiiigggggghhhhhhhhhh

The bleakness of this ending is amplified even more by a detail in the following chapter, where Haru tells Legoshi that she got a very short call from Louis, and it becomes clear that Louis hasn't just broken up with Juno to marry Azuki, he's stopped talking with Legoshi and is barely contacting Haru. Louis, whose entire arc has been about him learning to choose his own wants and the people he cares about over the path demanded of him by society, is now inexplicably cutting every person he cares about out of his life in the name of caving to societal pressure.

Look, I have a lot of respect for Paru Itagaki. She wrote the entirety of the character arc that I've spent the past god-knows-how-many paragraphs raving about, this wonderful narrative of a character who gets introduced as an asshole rich kid but becomes incredibly complex, compelling, and sympathetic, and did it all while working under a grueling schedule. But her decision to end Louis's arc like this is baffling and terrible all at once, and it still drives me up the wall two years later.

This is not to say she doesn't try to make it make sense. Louis says that he needs to marry Azuki because he needs to stay on as Horns CEO, and he needs to stay on as Horns CEO so that he can buy the Shishigumi a way out of prison and into his employ.

But that justification doesn't work because of a big piece of foreshadowing that, because of what happens to Louis's arc, ends up going nowhere: the whole "beastars" thing.

Paru Itagaki does a lot to foreshadow the idea that Louis and Legoshi are going to become co-beastars. After Louis refuses to become Cherryton beastar because Legoshi won't get any credit, headmaster Gon turns to Cherryton's deputy headmaster and tells him that it's a real shame that those two won't be a model for society to look to.

Shortly after that, we're introduced to Yahya, the sublime beastar, and to Gosha, Legoshi's grandfather. Yahya and Gosha just so happen to deeply resemble who Louis and Legoshi were at the start of their arcs - an herbivore who deeply hates carnivores because of an incident in their past, and a carnivore who allows himself to be feared and hated by those around him - and just so happen to have once dreamed of becoming co-beastars, before they went their separate ways.

Not long after that, we're told that Yahya is beginning to get too old to be sublime beastar, that his body is declining and he will soon no longer have the physical acuity or resistance to do the job he does, and that even Yahya is beginning to have to admit this to himself - in short, that soon someone will need to replace him.

We get an entire chapter about how Yahya once used his sublime beastar powers to get the 500 Cornered Rats - a gang of criminals who were captured by the police - released from prison so that he could take them on as his subordinates, which is important inasmuch as it establishes that Yahya can pardon Legoshi's conviction for predation and thereby allow him to marry Haru, but also clearly establishes that there is precedent for a sublime beastar pardoning and then hiring a criminal gang - something that would be really useful for Louis if, hypothetically speaking, the Shishigumi were captured and imprisoned.

Then, in chapter 158, Legoshi and Louis go to the black market, to the tower where Louis was once imprisoned, to the balcony where Oguma once told Louis he would change the world, and Legoshi proposes to Louis that the two of them should work together to change the world, that the two of them could be the beastars.

Louis even responds to this by making a big show of saying that Legoshi is being ridiculous, he can't just make up the title of the manga we're reading!

All of this foreshadowing is pointing so clearly in one direction. Everything that Paru has set up is absolutely screaming that Yahya will wipe Legoshi's conviction and then name Louis and Legoshi as his successors, the beastars; that Louis and Legoshi will build on the previous generation and succeed where they failed, with each other - and Haru and Juno - by their sides, standing as a new, healthier example of how carnivores and herbivores can live, work, and love truthfully, honestly, in solidarity alongside each other.

Louis, then, can use his sublime beastar powers to free and hire the Shishigumi, and break his betrothal to Azuki while giving her Horns - the only part of Louis she was actually interested in - since he's too busy to run it anyways.

It works as a culmination of the character progressions involved; it fulfills all of this brilliant foreshadowing Paru has set up; it makes the name of the manga work, because it establishes Beastars as having been the story of how Louis and Legoshi became the beastars. Everything ties together so neatly, so perfectly, so brilliantly.

Instead, all of this foreshadowing goes... nowhere. Legoshi gets an ending that's perfectly adequate but unexceptional, Louis's arc gets thrown in the trash, Yahya resigns from being sublime beastar but then keeps doing the work even though it was age interfering with his ability to work that was the issue anyways, all the stuff about "beastars" leads to nothing, and the manga just kind of fizzles out.

Again, Itagaki tries to offer some justification for this decision, putting the words into Louis's mouth:

I don't find this argument, this claim that Louis remaining close to the people he cares about most and becoming co-beastar with Legoshi would be too much like the plot of an overly saccharine movie, to be convincing.

Firstly, Louis and Legoshi becoming beastars with Haru and Juno at their side would not be a magic fix to all of the societal issues that Paru Itagaki demonstrated through her characters throughout the course of Beastars. Systemic change is slow, difficult progress, and it is never guaranteed that gains made will be kept. While Louis and Legoshi becoming beastars would represent the potential emergence of a new paradigm and the hope that change is possible, it wouldn't represent the issues they struggled to overcome being magically resolved overnight; but I don't think anyone unsatisfied with how Beastars ended is pretending that it would.

Secondly, even if Louis and Legoshi becoming beastars did magically fix all of the societal issues in Beastars going forward (which, again, it wouldn't and shouldn't, but just for the sake of argument), it wouldn't preclude the ending being bittersweet, because for a lot of characters, it's too late. It's too late entirely for Tem, for Ibuki, for Toki and Leano. Melon, psychologically, has been broken beyond repair; Riz will spend years in prison for what he did; Gosha and Yahya, once fast friends, spent thirty years not speaking to each other that they can't get back; Louis lost his childhood and Oguma lost the chance to have a proper relationship with his son.

Even if everything was magically fixed, the people who were hurt would still bear the scars - and I think that's plenty of bitter to balance out the sweet.

So there we have it. Paru Itagaki gave Louis one of the best damn character arcs I'd ever read, one that is incredibly layered and compelling, executed it masterfully from its inception to the final climax of the work, and then fumbled it in the final chapters, throwing out her own foreshadowing and leaving us with an ending that was a mixed bag on the whole and that, for Louis specifically, was outright terrible.

I guess that's why I'm still not over it, two years later, even though Beastars isn't even my most recent furry fixation anymore. It's agonizing to see something that was so enthralling and compelling get obliterated at the last possible moment, to think about what could have been, and to have the knowledge of what it ended up being looming over you every time you come back to the work.

I still love Beastars. But the way that Louis's arc ends, and the way the entire ending of the series got weakened to make his arc end that way... that's something I think I'll always be at least a little bit bitter about.

#not art #textpost #snek ramblings #jesus christ this is a long one #beastars #louis beastars #beastars louis #adler #adler beastars #beastars adler #oguma beastars #beastars oguma #legoshi beastars #beastars legoshi #legoshi #legosi beastars #beastars legosi #legosi #haru beastars #beastars haru #juno beastars #beastars juno #azuki beastars #beastars azuki

[yazthebookish]

Let's talk about Rhordyn

After my reread of To Bleed A Crystal Bloom, I think Rhordyn is so incredibly misunderstood as a character and his role in this story.

I have to establish that Rhordyn is an extremely complicated and nuanced character. He is a morally ambiguous character but in no way the villain in this story.

Disclaimer: notes contain TSASS (book 2) spoilers so avoid reading the comments in the notes.

First let's get some facts straight:

1. Rhordyn is not forcibly locking Orlaith in the tower, it is mentioned multiple times that he tried to integrate her into society, but Orlaith is content to live in behind the safety line away from the whispers of the general public. This is what he says to Orlaith: “I’ll stay here,” I whisper, and a shadow shutters his eyes, the muscle along his jaw feathering. “Live, Orlaith. All I’m asking is that you live.” Rhordyn even tells Orlaith at some point that her tower won't keep her safe from the looming danger, this is why he wanted her to train to fight with Baze, he wants her to be prepared in case the worst happens. The only instances he locked her in is when he did not want her to attend the ball (because of Cain) and to not let her leave to Bahari/Cain. Unlike the fairytale, Orlaith was not locked in her tower the entire time. Actually she wasn't locked for 90% of the book except on two instances.

2. He can be controlling and manipulative at times especially when it concerns her safety and her feelings, but he is not a groomer in any shape or form. It's mentioned that Rhordyn avoids her like the plague to the point she never sees him around since he rescued her until in recent years. Orlaith is raised by Cook and Baze, Rhordyn wasn't involved in raising her at all nor did he act like a parental figure to her (more of this is even clarified in book 2 about what happened in the past). Her blood was even delivered by Cook to Rhordyn until she was able to do the offering herself and place it in the small door for him to take, it's even mentioned in the book Rhor was never involved in the act and he did so the first time when she refused to give him the blood offering (there is a reason behind him needing her blood). Orlaith did not grow up while being in love with Rhordyn, her feelings were only recent. Yes, there is a clear power imbalance between them that he uses to his advantage and protection comes in many "forms" even one that is very questionable. As Orlaith begins to rebel and ask questions Rhordyn is not ready to answer, he resorts to the influence he has over her and the unexplored connection between them to push her back.

3. Rhordyn IS toxic but he is not the villain. Nothing that Rhordyn did was ever meant to harm Orlaith. He is the one who wants to appear toxic to her to push her away and to accept that he is a monster beneath. He finds relief in her ignorance merely because the fear that took root within him the day he saved her and tasted her blood will force him to confront the reality of their situation and of who they are to each other—and that is what he thinks might break Orlaith. It's very likely that they are mates.

4. Not once has it been mentioned that Rhordyn had been inappropriate towards Orlaith or had shown any desire for her prior to the events in this book. Eventually, it's pointed out to which moment he actually started to feel more than just a protective instinct (as I said they have a unique connection that is likely a mating bond).

5. Last but not least, I think Rhordyn directs so much self-loath at himself. I do not think he finds pleasure in what his instincts draw out of him especially when it comes to Orlaith. I don't think he relishes in their power imbalance either and I'll dive into that more when I talk about the mates and their bond. His self-loath is what influences a lot of his actions when it comes to her. Not justifiable in any way, but this is why this book is considered a dark fantasy romance. Nothing is coming easy for them.

This doesn't mean Rhordyn's actions can be justified because what I love about this book is you can understand the questionable actions of the characters without the need to justify them.

Sarah unfurls such a complex relationship with a tinge of taboo and yet underneath it all lies a thousand questions and secrets.

I think the tabooness of their relationship is what haunts most readers, which is totally valid. But there is some clear misinterpretation that's confusing readers.

The dynamic between Orlaith and Rhordyn is meant to unsettle the reader but also spark that intrigue and curiosity on where it could all lead to.

Their relationship is dysfunctional and the power balance is very off, but for such a dark tale and for the sake of Orlaith's arc it should be done that way.

Orlaith is not kept from the world, there is not much of the world out there to discover because it reeks of monsters and deaths.

And perhaps, the world is kept away from Orlaith herself. She's the one with the mark of death.

This is not a blossoming romance, it's tearing both Orlaith and Rhordyn apart. This longing, attraction, and anguish is a festering wound on their souls.

The day Rhordyn had a sip of Orlaith's blood was the day the gods damned them both.

As much as I have enjoyed the sexual tension and chemistry between them, neither of them are ready for any notion of a romantic love. Orlaith must break out of her confines and let her world expand beyond her tower—and Rhordyn must face his own demons. As of now, they are not a healthy option for each other, not until that power imbalance shifts and for Orlaith to experience what the world, and not Rhordyn, has to offer for her.

And if they turn out to be mates, which I truly believe there are given the strong evidence in the book itself, I'm really intrigued by the concept of a mating bond that is not romanticized. Most of those who find their mates struggle a little or accept that they have found their one true love, and that bond mostly gives them little butterflies and an infinite love. The dark concept of mates in this world is a tragedy, at least for Orlaith and Rhordyn.

Her voice may have been fragile, but everything else was the opposite. Her upper lip was curled with hate, she had fire in her eyes, and she looked at me she saw through my skin to the monster I am beneath.

Part of me was relieved—screamed for her to look deeper. To delve until she ripped herself on all my sharp bits. Perhaps then she’d see why I’m stuck in her orbit ... unwillingly.

Why drifting too close would destroy everything.

---

“Mates, Orlaith, are a fairy tale. A tragedy painted with the pretty face of a happily ever after, but at its core, it’s still a fucking tragedy. If you believe everything you read, you’ll be disappointed when you finally step into the real world.”

They would be the epitome of star-crossed lovers.

His eyes harden. “What I want, what I need, and what is right are three entirely different things.”

To me, it feels that the source of Rhordyn's self-loath comes from how the bond influences his feelings for Orlaith. He is a man of complete control yet a force beyond his reach is slowly depriving him of that privilege and it pushes towards instincts that he may find... depraved.

He seems to be tainted by her affections, not because they repulse him but because she is too good for him. He wishes that she could see the monster underneath his skin, probably in belief that it may deter her.

It seems like a doomed love more than anything -me he knows it—and maybe it has to do with the prophecy?

This is why I love Rhordyn as a character, there is so much to explore about him and while my morals can be questioned because of the type of characters I am drawn to, I only hope that we get to see his ice crack and he is caught up in Orlaith's fire.

In the end, what matters to me is Orlaith's journey and I'm so excited to see where it will lead up to. I may be rooting for a second chance romance for her and Rhordyn but I'm rooting more for her happiness.

#to bleed a crystal bloom #to snap a silver stem #tbacb #rhordyn #orlaith #sarah a. parker

[disgruntledspacedad]

Javier Peña and commitment

a better love series  character analysis

Okay, not-so-briefly, let me finish what I started with this post, and say a few more words about Javier Peña and commitment. 

I think typical fanon describes Javi as a rogue, smoky, commitment-phobe man slut. The kind of guy who never settles down because he’s too busy having fun with his hookers. And yeah, at first glance, that’s a valid assumption. Javi definitely puts off that vibe. Hell, I think he even believes that of himself. 

I call bullshit, though. 

Javi is obviously an affection starved softie who is seeking intimacy and human contact. He just doesn’t know how to get it. Watch how deeply he connects with each of the women he sleeps with. He publicly greets the hookers in Medellín by name (like seriously what man does this??) and his relationship with Gabby seems intensely personal. He cares about what happens to her. He’s sweet, almost tender with her. 

This is a man with a huge heart and deep, unfulfilled needs.

Now, let me tease apart what I think happened that scarred Javi so profoundly.

I want to start with his family life. 

Now, a lot of this falls deep into headcanon territory, but this entire post is in context of Better Love, so that’s fine. However, I don’t think it’s too far off the mark for canon Javi, too. Just things to bear in mind.

Okay, so in The Kingpin Strategy, Chucho makes references to the fact that Javi has always been free spirited and idealistic. “You couldn’t wait to get out of here.”

Javi says, “It was right here, wasn’t it? The last time we had this conversation.” He sounds resentful, frustrated.

And Chucho replies, “You didn’t listen to me then, either.”

Man oh man, this says a lot. There’s a lot of reference to some very old bitterness, most (but not all of it) on Javi’s end. Let’s break it down.

In Better Love, Javi lost his mom to colon cancer when he was nineteen. We know from canon that he was chomping at the bits to get out of town, so I kind of think that Javi packed his bags the day that he turned eighteen and left. He’s from a small, close knit family, and him taking off into the blue without any warning would have shocked them. It would have hurt. 

The fact that he and Chuco have their conversation in the driveway is telling, too. 

I think Javi spent some significant time estranged from his family, and things were probably still rocky between them when his mom passed away. Colon cancer can be pretty subtle. Javi’s mom didn’t get a diagnosis until it was far too late for effective treatment. It would have hit her hard and fast, and she and Javi may not have had much time to reconcile. Hell, she was upset by Javi leaving - she may not have even told him what was going on.

Ouch.

Now, Javi is a guy that silently shoulders all of the responsibility that he’s not meant to carry, and he’s absolutely going to blame himself for taking off like that, and for being too stubborn to call home and check on Mom. Her death is the first in a series of wounds that lead to Javi’s (very misguided) belief that he’s a shit human, when truly, nothing could be further from the truth. 

Next, let’s talk about Lorraine. 

We know from Javi’s conversation with Steve that he thinks Lorraine was better off without him, giving us another glimpse of that deep seated self-loathing that we know he carries. Javi almost sounds wistful, like he regrets leaving her. Certainly, he regrets hurting her (more proof that Javi is actually a pretty sensitive guy - he knows he fucked up). But then we actually meet Lorraine in season three, and there’s something really weird there. 

Now, granted, Javi left her at the alter. Things are bound to be weird. But look at how he’s drawn to her, like he just can’t help crossing the room to see her again, even years later. That was the first big red flag for me. 

Then, watch how Lorraine treats him. She’s dismissive, pretty biting. And okay, yeah, she’s well within her right to be bitter. But then she says this:

“Can you imagine if we actually were married?”

Like, scoffs it. Guys, that’s a pretty serious dig. Lorraine is implying that Javi is beneath her, that he could never, ever be decent husband material. And watch his reaction. He takes this cut like he’s used to taking this cut from her. I don't know, but to me, it just reeks of a history of toxicity.

Men are absolutely capable of being the victims of toxic relationships and emotional abuse. I mean, duh. But try telling that to Javier Peña, with his tendency to internalize and self destruct. 

It would make a lot of sense to me that their relationship was built on this type of fucked up interaction, with Lorraine constantly pushing Javi to be this perfect dude with a white picket fence, and constantly calling him on his “failure” to do so. Maybe some of it was rooted in racism and classism - Lorraine seems like she could be that petty, materialistic type. Maybe Javi just wasn’t ready to settle down. 

Remember, too, that Javi’s love language is acts of service. He’s not a super romantic guy in the traditional sense, but he wants to do things for the person he loves, practical, tangible things to keep them safe and happy. If Javi thought that he could do better by Lorraine by putting a ring on her finger, it might be pretty easy to persuade him that he “ought” to do that, especially if there’s a continued history of verbal abuse. Remember that we tend to believe the things our abusers say about us, and that most of the time, this stuff starts subtle. If Lorraine is constantly suggesting that Javi’s not good enough for her, eventually, he’s going to fucking believe it. 

And consider the fallout of skipping town on your wedding day. No matter if the relationship is healthy or not, men tend to get the short end of the stick when it comes to breakup sympathy, and to leave a pretty woman like Lorraine waiting at the alter? My god, people would have been vicious to Javi. 

He probably believed all of the shitty things they said about him.

Javi threw himself into his career, and between a dangerous, high stress job with the DEA and never addressing these old hurts (Javi just doesn’t do that, you know), what you wind up with is a deeply wounded, “self sufficient” (read: emotionally constipated) man with raging self esteem issues and an intense fear of emotional intimacy. Now, all of this shit might have scarred Javi, but it doesn’t change his nature. Javi has a huge heart, he’s fiercely idealistic, and he desperately wants to do the right thing. And we all need love and human connection. 

Javi just denies this emphatically. 

But the ugly truth is, Javi avoids long term relationships because he thinks he doesn’t deserve them. It’s not even about being hurt again, not anymore. He almost sees it as an ethical thing, dammit. Give this boy a hug. 

This is why it took a fucking bomb to get him off his ass and admit his feelings for Ears. Javi would never, ever have done that without something very radical catching his attention. He would have let Ears walk straight out of his life, and yeah, it would have torn him to pieces, and he’d have always regretted it and wondered ‘what if,’ but that fear is an old, deeply rooted thing. That’s why I have Ears sort of pick up on the gravity of Javi saying, “I’m all in,” to her at the end of The Rules of Engagement. She’s not eloquent, but she’s pretty intuitive, and she knows that a commitment is something that Javier Peña does not take lightly.

And let me just say this about commitment: Javier Peña is a man who honors his fucking commitments. Watch what he’s willing to do for his informants - he always, always puts their wellbeing first, even before his own, even before the integrity of the hunt for the cartels. 

And Javier Peña is beyond devoted to bringing down the cartels. Like, that’s his entire arc in the show, right?

He’s committed to justice, too. Like fiercely, will do fucking anything to make things right, to make them fair. He wants to do the right thing so much it burns.

So, I don’t think it’s fair at all to say that Javier Peña is a man who fears commitment. He fears intimacy, while at the same time, he craves it. He fears human connection, when really, that’s the thing he needs most. 

But he doesn’t fuck around once he decides something. 

Which is the really, really fun thing about Better Love. For the first time, we get to see Javier Peña, the idealist who wears his poorly disguised heart blatantly on his sleeve, the man who goes for broke trying to get things done, the man who’s passions literally destroy him, in an intensely emotional relationship with another human. One who is just as devoted to him in return. 

So, anyway, if you’re still reading this, wow. I just wanted to babble about how Javier Peña is far more than brooding testosterone. Actually, he’s a very soft boy who needs patience and a lot of healing, and somebody who is willing to meet him exactly where he is and love him because of it.

And I want to give him that. 

#Javier Peña #Javier Peña x reader #narcos #narcos netflix #pedro pascal #Javier Peña headcanon #Javier Peña imagine #Javier Peña x you #better love #the rules of engagement #i will spam you guys about this precious disaster couple for as long as you let me

[jasontoddiefor]

nobody's keeping score

Ship: HideKane

Summary: In a world where ink stains the white papers of constitutions, damning the lives of ghouls, their existence is no secret or rumor, but a topic of heated debate, protests, and anonymous organ donations in shady alleys. No matter how bright the CCG appears in their white coats, their light cannot reach the dark tunnels where ghouls and sympathizers alike are plotting. And when Hide, after hours of sitting at his best friend’s hospital bed, sees him wake with one eye black and red, the difficult question is not how to get him help, but how to avoid him becoming the figurehead of a conflict threatening to turn into a bloody revolution.

AN: Notes: You ever just take a 4-year break from a fandom and return with spite fic because you remembered how much you hated canon? Yeah. This fanfic is my attempt at corralling the TG worldbuilding into something coherent that makes sense. I will keep some elements of canon, others I will throw out of the window straight away. This is utterly self-indulgent.

“And with the developments in synthetic meat production—”

Hide wanted to groan. They’d been discussing the same question for the last three hours of class and he was, frankly speaking, done with it. People were running out of arguments and circling back to topics that didn’t contribute anything to the conversation they were supposed to be having. From the way their lecturer was glaring at the latest speaker, Hide would say that she was also very done.

“Yoshimura, as stated before, we are not discussing possibilities for ghoul integration, but the mere premise of whether they even deserve the rights needed to legalize their status as citizens. The right of existence of an individual should not be dependent on what modifications would have to be made to accommodate them, but whether they deserve to live regardless.”

Hide had zoned out about an hour ago. His opinion on ghouls had always felt rather clinical, mathematically detached, despite Hide’s history. Maybe too much time had passed since he’d looked at the bloody remains of his father to really hammer home the fear-motivated rejection so many people fell to. Perhaps the CCG investigators, who had dragged him away from his father’s corpse, should have allowed him to get a little more traumatized before the kindness of his new parents had become enough to dull those painful memories.

Some ghouls were no different than brutal serial killers, and they had to be taken down, but the rest seemed to be getting by just fine. If a new legislation would make it even easier for them to go about their everyday lives, perhaps the number of violent ghoul attacks would go down as well. Hide was well aware that this was the view of a privileged person. Growing up in the 20th ward meant that you needn’t be scared of leaving your house when it was already dark. Kamii University prided itself on the fact that it could safely offer evening classes such as the one Hide was attending now. The same certainly couldn’t be said for the other wards. Any citizen between the 9th and 13th wards would probably advocate vocally for the extermination of ghouls. The 11th especially resembled a warzone even during the daylight. Ghoul sightings were nothing unusual there, and investigators’ mutilated bodies were displayed as trophies and warnings alike. Meanwhile, nobody had died in the 20th war for something like ten odd years. Sometimes it felt like waiting for the other shoe to drop, but most of the time, Hide didn’t even think about ghouls.

By the time class was finally over, Hide had taken only one or two more bullet points. They hadn’t really said anything of interest and it reflected in his writing. Usually, Hide would be sending rapid-fire texts to Kaneki now, but his friend was still on his date and Hide didn’t want to bother him. It had taken more than just a bit of teasing and probing to get Kaneki to ask that girl out and he wouldn’t self-sabotage his hard work.

It was good that Kaneki was connecting to people that weren’t just Hide.

And it would be awesome if Hide could do the same.

Codependence needed two people to work and Kaneki was definitely not the only one struggling with independence. Hide had yet to figure out how to let go of Kaneki when his relationship to the other boy had been the only stable thing in his world for the longest time. Nothing said mental health like latching onto an abused child to escape the stifling air of his brand-new foster fathers’ home.

The next time he visited his parents, he’d bring them some flowers to make up for how troublesome he’d been as a child.

Glancing at his phone again, Hide realized he had to hurry if he wanted to take the early bus home. He was just about to plug in his headphones when an unknown number flashed up on the display. Who would call him at this time? Hide was definitely someone who preferred texting. Even his parents knew better than to call unless it was serious. The only person he ever actually called was Kaneki, and that was only because his friend sometimes got so lost in a book, he forgot to text back or didn’t even hear the phone buzz. Hide contemplated picking up for another ring, then gave in and accepted. “Nagachika Hideyoshi speaking, who’s calling?”

“Hello, I am Tanaka Akako, a nurse of the Kanou General Hospital. You are Nagachika Hideyoshi, Kaneki Ken’s emergency contact?”

The blood in Hide’s veins froze.

“Yes, I am. Has— has anything happened? Is Kaneki alright!?”

The nurse’s voice was so calm, steady, and pleasant as if this was a chat between friends. Somewhere Hide knew that it probably helped most people, but it just put him on edge. “Nagachika-san, your friend and another young woman were involved in an accident. Dr. Kanou is preparing him for surgery, but as his emergency contact, we have to discuss the possible options before we can proceed.”

Hide didn’t want to discuss any options. There shouldn’t be any besides Kaneki’s survival. Hide wanted to rush into the operation hall and hold Kaneki’s hand, wishing he could turn back time, tell his friend to remain at his side and consider that girl out of his league so he’d spent the evening with him and not getting sent to ER. This couldn’t be real; he was sick to his stomach.

“What are the options?” Hide asked, panic threatening to strangle him as he rushed to the street, trying to find a taxi to take him to Kanou General straightaway.

“Kaneki-san sustained serious injuries. Dr. Kanou is willing to transplant the deceased Kamishiro-san’s organs into your friend to save his life even if her family hasn’t consented yet. The only consent we can ask for in Kaneki-san’s case is yours and—”

“Do it,” Hide replied immediately. He didn’t know Kaneki’s date, and as much as Hide loved people, argued for a baseline acceptance every day in class, he couldn’t bring himself to care about the wishes of a family whose daughter was already dead. The only thing they were still good for once their hearts stopped beating was serving the living with their remains.

Kaneki might survive because of her; what else could matter? “Do it, whatever you need to save him— you have my full permission.”

Finally, a taxi approached and stopped right when Hide waved for it. He quickly climbed inside and, paying no attention to the driver, told him to get to the hospital as quickly as possible.

“And in case he doesn’t survive, may his organs—”

“He will survive,” Hide pressed because he didn’t know what he’d do with himself if he were to lose Kaneki. He’d built a life around his best friend and how much they meant to one another. Hide couldn’t give up on that, couldn’t let it slip past his fingers. “He’ll survive. I know it.”

Organ transplants took place every day without any complications—

Hide’s eyes widened. “Kaneki has recessive ROS!” he all but shouted at the nurse, startling the taxi driver.

Kaneki’s father had died because of it. If Kaneki got the wrong blood transfusions or anything, his RC cells were suddenly pushed to start acting up, the dormant sickness could turn on and what if Hide had just damned him to a life of wasting away—

No.

Stay positive. Don’t freak out even more. They hadn’t done anything yet, merely asked for Hide’s permission to help Kaneki at all. He was saving his friend’s life; he wasn’t cursing him.

“Thank you for telling me, Nagachika-san. I will pass that on to Dr. Kanou. You have just contributed immensely to the safety of the procedure.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes,” Hide said. “Just— he has to hold on. Tell Kaneki he has to hold on until I’m there.”

“We will, Nagachika-san, don’t worry. Dr. Kanou will do his best.”

His best.

The words echoed in Hide’s mind. How was he ever supposed to know if Kanou’s best would be enough for his friend? Hide excelled at being optimistic, could see the positive side of most things in life, had learned how to be hopeful at the funerals of people he’d loathed. He just couldn’t allow himself to drown in any negative possibilities.

The rest of the drive passed in the blur, either because the driver had known to speed up after listening in on the phone call, or because Hide was so out of it that he didn’t really register the streetlamps flickering by until the taxi had reached its destination. Hide passed the driver a couple bills, probably more than the transport had actually cost, but he didn’t care. What were one or two skipped meals compared to being there before it was too late? Hide rushed inside the sterile white hospital, eyes immediately set on the front desk.

“My friend,” Hide stuttered as he clung to the counter, holding it as if it were his lifeline. “He was brought in— an accident. He was on a date and there was an accident. Dr. Kanou is operating him?”

The receptionist seemed confused, needing a moment to make something coherent out of Hide’s rambles. “I need your identification before I can tell you anything about our patients.”

“Yes, yes, of course.” Hide fumbled for his student ID card and put it on the counter with shaky hands. “Nagachika Hideyoshi, I’m Kaneki Ken’s emergency contact.”

“Of course, your friend is still in the operating room. You can wait here.”

Hide didn’t want to wait, but what else was there he could do? He hated feeling useless like this, unable to contribute anything productive. The receptionist sent him a kind look and, defeated, Hide crossed the entrance hall to the waiting room where he remained together with other worried family members and patients, clutching his phone so he wouldn’t start screaming. He couldn’t stop moving his legs, stress keeping him wide awake even as the hospital emptied and less and less people sat around him. How long did such an operation take? An hour? Two? Hide had absolutely no idea. He didn’t study anything like this. His major was English literature, which was about as helpful as hot air at this moment.

He could quote enough books concerned with some medical drama and family members in the hospital, but none of them brought him any comfort.

“Nagachika-san?”

Hide looked up into the kind face of an elderly man wearing a pristine white coat.

“Y- yes?” Hide replied and quickly stood up, brushing imaginary dust from his pants. “Are you Dr. Kanou? Is my friend alright? Can I see him?”

“I am sorry to have caused you such worries. The operation went well. Your friend is resting in intensive care right now. He is still asleep, but you may visit him. The presence of loved ones is often very beneficial to the healing process.”

Healing.

A sob shook Hide’s shoulders. Kaneki was alive. He hadn’t died.

“Thank you,” he managed to say in between his sobs. “Thank you, thank you for saving his life.”

The doctor only kept on smiling and kindly put his hand on Hide’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly in what was meant to be comforting. “It is my job, young man. You don’t have to thank me. Nothing is more important to me than saving innocent lives. If you follow one of the nurses, you can see your friend immediately.”

Hide thanked the doctor once more, relief slowly filling the pits anxiety had hollowed out. He followed the nurse through the labyrinth of death, decay, healing, and salvation up to the intensive care station. Quietly, he was led to a room. The door opened, revealing one lone figure on a bed.

From a distance, hooked up with so many tubes and wires, Kaneki was nothing like the person who took up half of Hide’s life. He seemed so much smaller and looked like just one push could snap his connection to life.

“Please remain quiet,” the nurse told him. “And don’t move him.” Glancing at his still trembling fingers, she added, “but you may hold his hand.”

Hide nodded, then quickly crossed the room to Kaneki’s bed and sat down on the chair next to it. Kaneki didn’t move at all; not even a single muscle twitched. Hide would assume they had led him to view his friend’s corpse if not for the steady rise and fall of his chest. Pushing up the sleeves of his jacket, Hide took Kaneki’s hand in his own.

“Hey, Ken,” he muttered, pressing his eye close so no tears would escape them. “You scared me there. Don’t ever do that again.”

Predictably, Kaneki didn’t reply. Nevertheless, Hide imagined that just for a moment, he squeezed Hide’s hand back. Slowly, the tension bled from Hides’s shoulders and he made himself comfortable in the hard plastic chair. This was bound to be a long night and he was starting to feel his exhaustion catch up to him. He tried to keep his eyes trained on his friend for as long as possible, remaining alert for a change to his condition, but it was getting more and more difficult to keep them open.

Eventually, the darkness caught him as he fell. Hide knew he stirred a couple more times during the night, likely when the nurses came to check on Kaneki. Nobody asked him to move and leave, something he was immensely thankful for. He wouldn’t have been able to let go. By the time the sun began to chase away the shadows again, Hide wasn’t sure how much he had slept, only that it had definitely not been enough. But that was alright, he could catch up on sleep sometime later. It was far more important that Kaneki was going to be alright.

Hide turned to look at Kaneki’s face and found his friend awake, staring back at him.

One eye gray like a stormy cloud before the morning rainfall.

The other was blood-red against the night sky.

#tokyo ghoul #hideyoshi nagachika #kaneki ken #tg #hidekane #fanfic #what UP i'm back with spite fic #also on ao3 #but i will add the link later bc tumblr likes to mess up

[maria-de-salinas]

Since you’ve admitted liking talking about shapes sexual issues... I got a few more questions if that’s okay?

How do you think Snape related to his sexuality before G?

How do you think previous encounters worked ?(or didn’t work?)

Do you think he had issues as a teenager?

Do you think he’d use magic/potions to “fix” any of the trouble he’d have?

You are so lovely for letting me go on and on about this anon 😭 So before I get into this, I wanted to say that there are many interpretations of Snape's sexuality and they're all valid. Maybe he was asexual, or demisexual (I lean towards this actually). Maybe he was a virgin, maybe he was a sex god who shagged everyone on the staff and the giant squid. Maybe he had a thing going on with the Malfoys, or had a few encounters with purebloods to keep his cover, which he may or may not have enjoyed. But my own interpretation, and the one I use in my stories, is that he was a hot mess.

The thing is, he carried so much shame and guilt and self-loathing and was body-shamed and sexually humiliated to the point where he was probably utterly disgusted by his own appearance and none of those things adds up to any kind of healthy sexuality. Honestly, he was so depressed and so disgusted with himself I feel like he wouldn't have even felt anything most of the time, and I could see him making a potion to tame the physical urges when he did. And when you're in a place where you hate yourself and you desires, it's easy to project that on to other people to the point where you're repulsed by other people's sexuality too, which is another reason I can see him just avoiding it. With Graihagh I think he was very much disgusted by his attraction to her (and maybe even her attraction to him), which is why he tried to avoid her and push her away. It was their friendship that kept him coming back. Also, I think he subconsciously wants to not be in control, and yet he also fears it. Taking care of things himself is a way for him to stay in control.

As far as previous encounters, I think they would've reinforced all this probably. In this series he has two. The first was in his youth out of desperation to prove himself (and some desire for it as well) and probably did not go all that well. There are so many things that can go wrong the first time and probably did, and he was so nervous and had so many conflicting emotions, so much so that he dissociated during, and felt depressed after (and I'm wondering if I should've made this angstier and had him just freak out completely--I feel that would've been more in-character as I've written him) And then the second came later, because he was looking to get roughed up, to have physical contact without tenderness (and very subconsciously to explore his attraction to men and desire to not be in control). He compartmentalizes so that his sexual self exists apart from the rest of him, something separate from love and friendship, something he tries to cut off. He struggles to re-integrate that part of himself after he becomes involved with G.

And yeah, for sure he would've had some issues as a teenager. I think at first he might've been sort-of okay (he arrives at Hogwarts feeling pretty confident) but the years of bullying really fucked him up and made him intensely self-conscious and ashamed. He would've been surrounded by these attractive, athletic, dominant and aggressive young men, and been alternatively disgusted by them and envious of them, wanting to be them while knowing it just wasn't who he was, hating them while also forcing himself to adopt a more dominant persona as he gravitated towards the Death Eaters. I think he would've also swung between being disgusted at his feminine side, and embracing it, and being very confused by that too. And then there's Lily. If he did experience sexual attraction towards her it might've been a bit awkward and embarrassing for him, and he might've felt conflicted about it, given that she was his best and only friend. And he would've experienced all these confusing, conflicting things without really understanding them or being able to name them. This is when he started to bury and repress it, I think.

I can definitely see him using potions and magic either to fix his issues or just make them go away. Although he might feel a bit self-conscious using potions to say, last longer or explore various kinks.

I know this is all very angsty and bleak, but paradoxically I find a lot of comfort in it, if that makes sense? Snape is such a perfect vehicle for exploring these issues, and I find depictions of sex in media kind of...disappointing, I guess. Too easy and too perfect. I want to see it get messy. Fanfiction is amazing for this, honestly.

#replies #thanks anon #hope that wasn't too rambling and incoherent

[soranis-sunshadow]

Why it’s not ok to compare Wrong Hordak to his defective brother.

It doesn’t sit right to me when someone pits two abuse victims against each other based on their coping mechanisms because their circumstances are never the same.

Wrong Hordak was immediately adopted by people who slowly de-indoctrinated him and offered him a supportive environment for all of that growth and healing to happen. When the BF squad kidnapped him, he was ardent about his service to Prime and he only followed them because they deceived him in believing they were servants of Prime.

By providing clear irrefutable evidence of Prime’s fallibility, deceit and the squad’s moral support throughout this moral crisis, they were able to wean him off of his programmed behavior and offer him a new onlook and an informed choice.

Hordak was a defective clone that was sent to die on the battlefield, in essence he was abandoned by his maker for being worthless and deflective. This is why his own disability is such a source of crippling shame and self-loathing, it made him unlovable in Prime’s eye, the person he was literally programmed to worship, love and blindly obey.

For all intents and purposes, Prime is the horde clones’ God. He appears to be all-powerful, omniscient, omnipresent and he is their literal creator. Through doctrine, clones are taught that all creatures are beneath Prime, only His light and His love is relevant. (Prime is that much of a narcissistic monster)

 Even while stranded on an alien planet, cut off from his Maker, it makes sense for him to prove his worth through the only means that he was ever taught (worship and conquest), perhaps, that way, he may repent for his failure of being created defective.

It makes sense for him, a brainwashed cultist, alone and stranded on a strange and hostile world to try and bring it into Prime’s light. He didn’t know that he could have been free of Prime if he chose to integrate with the natives. Every time he detected Light Hopes’s portals on the surface of the planet, he went to investigate, hoping Prime had come for him. That is how he found Adora after all.

Of course Hordak was brutal, brutality was all he had ever been shown. Of course he conquered in Prime’s name, that is why he was created. Of course he condoned the training of children to become soldiers once they reach maturity, that is how he was made after all, he didn’t know any better.

It's important to note that before Entrapta, Hordak is essentially a recluse. He hides away in his laboratory and he doesn’t directly interact with most of his underlings who avoid him. In many of his appearances he clings to the shadows or is only shown on a monitor. 

Instead of proving his worth to Prime, he seemingly fails at all of the (impossible) tasks he had set himself to accomplish in gaining his God’s favor: He doesn’t conquer the planet (it’s a whole damn planet), he can’t treat his defect (it’s gotten to the point that he’s an emaciated sickly wreck dealing with crippling chronic pain and is immobile without his prosthetic armor), his attempts at making a new body for himself have failed (he is defective, any clone made from his genetic code would also be defective) and he can’t even open a portal to go home (the planet’s magic does not allow an exit from the different dimension it is in). After decades of failure after failure, that he blames himself for, he has grown bitter and hopeless.

That is why Entrapta and her message is so important to him. She teaches Hordak that he has inherent worth as an individual. His imperfections do not mark him as something lesser, to be discarded, to her, he can be beautiful just the way he is. This is when he starts considering  to stall the portal project, a project that has been his purpose for years, and considers staying on Etheria with her. "There was even a time you wished I would not come for you." - Prime

When he is told by Catra that Entrapta "betrayed” him, he doesn’t want to believe it at first but his own self-loathing plays a huge part in why he buys the lie. He is after all a defective and worthless failure. Catra’s lie is so much more plausible than anyone ever finding worth in him. As such he comes to reason that another person he has dared to get attached to has abandoned him.

Whereas Catra believes that everyone leaves her, when really she pushes them away, Hordak genuinely has had everyone important in his life "leave" him, as far as he knows. This is why we see Hordak in his most evil during season 4 when he has the arm cannon and he is sacking Salineas. He's completely fueled by insecurity and loss, he has something to prove again, to Entrapta and to Prime. He was eager to face her and show her, on the battlefield, that he can be worth something (affection).

When Double Trouble reveals that Entrapta was sent to Beast Island, Hordak believed she is likely dead after so long. He thinks his gullibility has cost Entrapta her life, another failure to add to the long list of sins.

When he is teleported on Prime’s ship, he is terrified of him. He tries to appease Prime in whatever way possible. His body language, his meek, scared tone of voice, and the terrified expression on his face coupled with the fact that he is literally shaking in fear convey the fact that Hordak himself knows he will not be shown mercy. In order to adapt to Etheria and further his goals, he had committed unforgivable blasphemy, he had taken a name and shown initiative. Prime violates his mind and erases him.

It comes as no surprise that once his memories of Etheria resurface because of Catra’s presence, memories of abject failure, of loneliness, of grief and of betrayal, he submits himself to erasure once again. (in season 4 he had actually let Catra in, he trusted her, they had started a tenuous friendship that weirdly enough went both ways. She too was glad to see a “friendly face”)

Once he finds the crystal Entrapta gave him, he starts remembering her. Her memory is so dear to him that he actively tries to hold on to whatever fragments of her he can hold on. He even hides this from Prime (his only lie in the whole show).

In the final confrontation, while still linked to the hive mind and in the presence of his god, he chooses Entrapta, not because Prime was proven to be wrong or evil or fallible but because Entrapta found worth in Hordak despite his imperfections. He goes against his creator still believing that Prime is all-powerful, omniscient, omnipresent because he cared for Entrapta that much.

This is why Hordak's defiance against Horde Prime has so much impact, at least for me personally. Hordak is a character who never really got a choice up to this point. Arguably, it was less a decision and more of a last resort to protect Entrapta in whatever way he could. And even this choice was a zero sum equation. He either killed the one person that has ever shown him unconditional kindness or he turned against his God. It was a loss either way. The inescapability of Prime and the magnitude of his control over his clones is underlined by his possession of Hordak after he had declared his individuality and tried to kill him. In the deleted extended scene, Hordak himself is horrified at the fact that he had shot his Brother. His conditioning and indoctrination is still there. He never learned that Prime is a narcissistic monster and that he used his little brothers as chattel and had been consistently lied to.  He just wanted not to hurt Entrapta, this one choice is his first step towards individuality and freedom. This is the first time he actually exerts his own will and not Prime’s. He’s even making this obvious by saying "I am Hordak." I am someone, I exist.

I think Hordak is actually one of the best written characters in the show, and not because he's a sympathetic villain, but because he is very realistic to how a lot of children that experience neglect or other forms of parental abuse behave as they grow up. They only know anger and rage, never being shown love because they hide themselves in the shadows. Only when someone breaks down those walls can that person begin to heal.

Hordak and Wrong Hordak may be identical clones but their circumstances are anything but and it is wrong to pit them against each other. They are both victims of severe abuse. The comparison is not a fair one since one of them had all the means necessary to break conditioning while the other had all the circumstances necessary to enforce it. Despite what Hordak has done, he deserves to live and he deserves a chance to rebuild what he has destroyed in Prime’s name. Some of his victims may never forgive him, that is their choice. Nobody should have to forgive him. That is not how forgiveness works.  Etheria’s justice system is focused on rehabilitation, not on punitive vengeance.  Hordak too deserves a chance to heal after all that has been inflicted on him from the moment he was created. He deserves a chance at redemption.

I am open to more discussions on the subject if anyone is willing.

#hordak #wrong hordak #entrapta #horde prime #spop discourse #spop #she ra princess of power #we can only grow as much as our circumstances allow us #being away from church on a sunday doesn't make you an atheist #please contradict me if you can #but do so with logical arguments and not headcanons on theoretical genocide

[riddledeep]

Foop’s Full Character Profile

Slight Riddleverse ‘fic spoilers. Your mileage may vary.

(See also, Hiccup’s full character profile. It’s up next.)

OVERVIEW

Full Name: Anti-Poof Nebula Anti-Cosma-Anti-Fairywinkle

Title(s): Count / Prince / Väika / Heir to the High Count seat / Youngest anti-fairy in the universe (Temporarily) / Poof’s counterpart / The Green Samurai

Preferred Form of Address: Foop (Childhood); Anti-Poof (Adulthood)

Alternate Forms of Address: Nebula / Hiccup / Angel

Born: Summer of the Frozen Planet

Zodiac: Love Breath

Birthday: June 13th, 2008 (Spring Cleaning)

Hometown: Luna’s Landing, High South Region - Raised in the Blue Castle near the Anti-Fairy capital city (When not raised in Abracatraz)

Came Into Adult Wings: 149,720 (Earlier than average)

Age During Frozen Timestream: Mentally 7-12

Age As of “Live For the Moment”: 147,425 (Mentally 13)

Age As of Devil’s Backbone: 163,254 (Mentally 14)

Race: Fae (Unseelie Court)

Species: Anti-Fairy

Ethnicity: Mostly common anti-fairy (Faeumbra fae); ¼ anti-will o’ the wisp (Faeumbra lepidoptera); ⅛ anti-brownie (Faeumbra mundus)

Nationality: Hy-Brasilian (Obtained at birth); recognized as Jakokërian in Twilight Point (Hawthorn Haven)

Patron Bat: Tadarida brasiliensis (Mexican free-tailed bat)

Gender: Foop is genderfluid. For most of his youth he goes by he/him pronouns, but being Angel is his escape from reality and he goes by she/her pronouns at those times. They/them pronouns are also used frequently, especially later in life. Foop will be referred to using he/him pronouns in this profile, but she/her and they/them are still valid. Foop’s alternate personality, Hiccup, is also he/him.

Mindset: Pilot

Counterparts: Poof/Foop (Equal core sync) > Poppy

Core: Searchlight

Core Color: Yellow

Core Trait: Vengeance-seeking

Primary Fairy: Sport-loving hippie celebrity

Fairy Refract: Anime-obsessed pop diva wannabe

Stats:

Power: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Endurance: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Wisdom: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Adaptability: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Charisma: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Openness: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Conscientiousness: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Neuroticism: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Magic: Tomte | Unstable | Weak | Average | Strong | Luz Mala

Crown Lift: ~7 in_

Karmic Weave: Frayed | Sparse | Plain | Average | Thick | Elaborate | Royal | At Equilibrium | Manifests as _

Fagiggly Color: Blue

Preferred Shapeshifting Form: Scent hound

Signature Tactic: Fairy Backstab - Poofs immediately behind his target and whacks them once with all his strength while their back is turned.

Wand Type: Obsidian

Kept in sheath on right side of body (A second wand is kept on the left side of his body for Hiccup)

Family: Nobility

Creed: Vihaku sõsi milaska pra - “Friends who fight are overtaken quickly by a common enemy.”

Caretaker Spirit: Her Glory Laelaps (The scent hound)

Permanent Residence: Blue Castle, Luna’s Landing; Anti-Fairy World

Lives in the school dorms for much of the year - Rooms with Poof, Sammy Sweetsparkle, and Finley Hammerfall

Also has a cell reserved for him at Abracatraz

Central Star (Purple) | Far East (Pink) | Lower West (Green) | High North (Blue) | High South (Navy) | Far West (Maroon) | Lower East (Teal) | Earthside

Occupation: Heir presumptive; student; high school TA / tutor

BACKGROUND

Self-Perception: Extremely intelligent mind trapped in a body much too young and pathetic. An evil genius only playing nice and biding his time for now. They’ll see. They’ll all see.

Alignment: Chaotic Evil -> Lawful Evil

MBTI: INTP

Deadly Sin: Envy

Heavenly Virtue: Diligence

Love Language: Words of Affirmation

Reinforcers: Groveling, praise, whimpers of fear

Personality: Foop grew up in Anti-Cosmo’s shadow, constantly being compared to his father while struggling to assert himself as anything but. Anti-Cosmo is a social man who doesn’t feel complete without someone to bounce his thoughts off while introverted Foop sees collaboration as frustration and assistance as an insult. Where Anti-Cosmo is impatient and quick to throw half-formed plans into action, Foop is grounded and rarely acts without finalizing his calculations. He’s easily frustrated when real life deviates from his careful outline. While not prone to throwing fits in public, he’s stubbornly petty and releases his feelings by devising cruel revenge plans. His paranoia often keeps him from putting these plans into action, especially when he’s older and feels judged by all of Fae society, but it helps him blow of steam without hurting anyone or damaging anything.

Work is Foop’s passion. He loves taking initiative with his projects, doing his own thing, and talking endlessly about what he enjoys to someone who follows along- even if that means spending hours tutoring someone he’s not too fond of. He loathes being yanked away from his passions and is hardly interested in Anti-Fairy traditions and social etiquette, which he considers to be a bunch of useless, stuffy niceties. While Anti-Cosmo adapted to that proper world of charm and dignity because it was expected of him, Foop rarely sees value in keeping quiet about activities he dislikes. He struggles to articulate his feelings and is extremely self-conscious about sharing his deepest thoughts, but you’ll always know when he’s annoyed.

Aside from the struggle to form emotional connections (and lack of emotional stability in general), Foop’s main folly as a leader is his analysis paralysis. He’s much more of a perfectionist than either of his parents and often gets too bogged down in details to act until too late, then loses his patience and blames others when things don’t go his way. For Foop, the worst-case scenario is always being caught and punished. Most Anti-Fairies accept prison time as a necessary cross they have to bear, but Foop finds jail absolutely humiliating (and anxiety-inducing) and will do all he can to avoid it. Usually that means bailing on a plan halfway through and taking off for the hills, then lying low for a few decades with his nerves permanently on end. A far cry from Anti-Cosmo who treats jail time as a vacation free from worry until being cooped up makes him restless. Foop would rather improve his job resume than his criminal record, at least for now. He wants to be well known in the history books, but wants it to be for an impressive reason.

Though he may be mature for his age, Foop is still young and dealing with fluctuating hormones, political expectations, and school drama on top of his actual classwork. He exhausts himself very easily, yet continues to push himself further and further because his self-worth is tied to his achievements. Genius is everything. Failure is weakness. Struggles are shame. No matter what the media says about him, his harshest critic will always be himself. His emotions are complicated and fragile, but he’s far too nervous to let anyone close enough to truly understand what he’s thinking. Even his therapist and romantic partners are constantly surprised by what he does one day compared to the next. Anti-Wanda is his sole confidant and he tells her everything. Foop doesn’t show it publicly, but at his core he’s an absolute mama’s boy; Anti-Wanda isn’t bright, but she is loving and offers him the stability his father can’t. She’s his tether. Losing her trust would absolutely shatter him.

Special Note - Dissociative Identity Disorder: Officially, Foop and Hiccup (and Angel in Identity Theft) are multiple personalities in the same body, referred to collectively as “the Nebula system.” Foop is considered the original personality, and suffered a lot of trauma in his youth that he can’t quite recall since those memories are blocked. Hiccup is the protector who slips in control when life stress becomes too much for Foop to handle- he holds the trauma memories, but doesn’t like to talk about it with anyone besides his pixie therapist at Wish Fixers. In their younger years, Foop and Hiccup flipped control rapidly. In their older years, they sometimes go for days at a time without the other personality switching back.

In his youth, Foop’s goal was to integrate Hiccup back into himself. He eventually gave up on this and now strives to cooperate with Hiccup, whom he grudgingly considers a twin brother. The members of their immediate family, as well as their roommates at school, acknowledge Hiccup as a separate identity from Foop. Their extended family and most of the media have their doubts.

Hiccup firmly sees himself as his own person. He describes himself as being “stuck in Foop’s body” and frequently makes comments about how “This isn’t what he really looks like.” He suffers from body dysphoria and desperately hopes to master magic well enough to adjust his looks... though Foop is quite happy with their looks staying as they are.

Education: Attended classes at Spellementary School, Frederick Shinesworth Middle School, and Carl Poofypants High School when he wasn’t getting into trouble otherwise.

Spellementary School: _

Middle School: _Did well academically? Poorly? Sports?

High School: _

Further Education: _

Favorite Magic Subject: _

Least Favorite Magic Subject: _

Favorite Non-Magic Subject: _

Least Favorite Non-Magic Subject: _

History: Here we have one of those kids who constantly has too much on his plate and yet never seems to have enough to do. He’s extremely efficient at getting things done (mainly achieved by cutting out his social life) and has a wide range of interests that he prefers to pursue alone. Such interests are further complicated by the fact that since his youth, Anti-Poof has always been afflicted with dissociative identity disorder, and flips regularly between his two personalities: Foop, the bitter and blunt one who harbors a fascination for biology and horticulture, and Hiccup, the gentle and giggly romantic who enjoys cooking and has a blatant streak of savagery.

Yet somehow, they seem to be getting along okay. Their love life is a mess even without including the politics, but since the two personalities have known each other all their lives, they’re used to compromise. One wonders how much longer it will be before their patience snaps._

Notable Likes:

_

Goals:

Juggle his wants against Hiccup’s.

Unlock the secrets of Fairykind biology.

Take over the High Count seat from his father (even if it’s in the boring traditional way).

Work out politics with the Ghosts and Beasts.

Find a balance between what he wants and what his parents want for him so he doesn’t hate life.

Beliefs:

Favors Daoism over traditional Zodii teachings

Everyone is a moron except for him

Fears:

Vicky

Falling from roost and landing on his head

Spending his life rotting in Abracatraz

His own death

Upsets:

Being directly disagreed with

Getting tossed in prison

Comforts: Kelly Clarkson songs, Skullbeary, pajamas, research articles, retreating into the mindspace and letting Hiccup take the wheel

Indulgences: Black licorice; alone time in his lab; tasty poisonous spiders; sensual back rubs

EXTERNAL

Verbal Notes: Mostly straightforward and lets you know how he generally feels, unless he’s lying. He does a lot of lying. Very guarded with his true emotions and will allow you closer layer by layer, but absolutely shut you off before the last level (unless you’re his beloved mother, and even then it’ll take an hour of conversation to crack him).

Foop is very curious and interested in learning new things; if you can keep telling stories, he’ll keep asking questions. While he doesn’t want you messing up one of his projects with your “collaboration,” he doesn’t mind studying alongside you and will quiz you if you want him to. He lacks tact and has a direct way of speaking, which is very unusual in Anti-Fairy society. His long-windedness and dark humor make friendship a struggle. Overall he’s quite verbose and unsentimental.

Language: Fluent in Snobbish, speaks some Vatajasa, speaks some Milesian, speaks some Gaideliac

Physical Notes: Very thin and not endowed with the muscles even the average Fairy would have, but he works out regularly since he’s on the saucerbee team.

Handedness: Left-handed

Body Language: Usually stiff even around those he’s comfortable with. Movements are softer and less jerky than Anti-Cosmo’s. Keeps his chin up and shoulders back, and often walks or floats with his hands clasped behind his back. Famous for pacing in circles to burn off his frustrations. Those who know him well can usually tell when he’s fronting in the body by his tense, guarded posture (Hiccup tends to be gentle and open).

Hair: Thick black curls that inherited Anti-Wanda’s sleekness rather than Anti-Cosmo’s scruffiness. He has a bald spot in the middle (just behind the two big curls) due to having a scent gland there, like a sugar glider. 

Teeth: Has a snaggletooth that pokes over his bottom lip.

Wings: Foop has conversion disorder- He limps slightly on his right side while floating, even though there’s no physical reason for him to do so (Hiccup doesn’t do it). Anti-Fairy pups are born with “imprints” of their parents’ minds on their own, and Foop simply inherited the part of Anti-Cosmo’s brain that limps. Foop hates this detail about his body, but he can’t change his instinct.

Pilot Freckles: _Average dusting on face and throat, light dusting on back of shoulders, heavy dusting on upper arms.

Iris Virus: Inherited

Scars: Scar on neck courtesy of Cavatina

Style: Dresses properly for an Anti-Fairy of his status; strives to be clean and somewhat elegant without straying into tuxedo territory.

Regular Clothing: Black undershirt, black pants, blue sweater vest with purple trim, belt with a skull-shaped buckle, pointy shoes

Casual Clothing: May wear his black shirt or a dark blue one without his sweater vest and without the belt buckle. Usually goes barefoot when in casual clothing.

Nightwear: Often wears purple silk pajamas decorated with little skulls.

Ceremonial Clothing: A yellow leotard designed like a ruffled shirt with gold sequins and a low-cut neck. White cummerbund, white shoes, white bow tie.

Other: He wears a black lab coat while working in his lab. This coat is long and almost always kept open unless someone else points out that he forgot to button it. There are two pockets low on each side with a fifth pocket over his left breast.

Height: 3′6″ (Average for a fae)

Hygiene: _

Morning Schedule: _

Typical Day Schedule: _

Evening Schedule: _

Sleep Schedule: _

PERSONAL

Relationship Status:

Publicly courting Anti-Coriander Anti-Windskimmer; Anti-Marigold Anti-Goldenglow is his secret mistress.

Ideal Relationship: Definitely interested in brains and needs a partner he can banter and scheme with. _.

Sexuality: Sexually attracted to both Seelie and Unseelie Courters; aromantic

Attractiveness: To a degree, Foop is considered attractive in Anti-Fairy society. He’s seen as intelligent, graceful, and clean, which are desirable traits in his culture. However, his patience, tact, and wisdom are lacking, so he loses points in those areas. His temper and pettiness don’t help. Foop is also out of touch with traditional Anti-Fairy culture and tends to rub people the wrong way. He is often judged for choosing to sleep laterally more often than hanging upside-down and criticized for not worshiping in the Zodii temples as often as most Anti-Fairies feel he should. Furthermore, he did not inherit Anti-Cosmo’s large fangs. Kissing is extremely intimate for Anti-Fairies, so they pay a lot of attention to mouths. Foop’s fangs are notably undersized thanks to his will o’ the wisp heritage; some of his peers tease him for “still having his baby fangs.” On top of this, the fact that he has an alternate personality makes many people wary.

Foop is not terribly attractive by Pixie standards for one obvious reason: Pixies value order and he embodies chaos. And also for further obvious reasons: every pixie loathes him after [REDACTED; see Prompt 130, “Final Stand”]. He would not normally be considered attractive in Fairy society either due to his light weight and thin body. Strength is valued more than brains in Fairy culture and he’s lacking in that department. However, his magical strength is indicated by the height his crown floats even if he lacks full control of it. Foop holds high rank in Anti-Fairy society, which contributes to his perceived dominance. Arguably, he’s considered more attractive by the general standards of Fairy culture than by his own, so he has a reputation for being the one anti-fairy his schoolmates would ever consider getting with (Mostly admitted in games like Truth or Dare and Kiss, Marry, Kill- not in polite conversation where such hypotheticals aren’t welcome). He either doesn’t know this or doesn’t care since he has his sights firmly set on Goldie, but Hiccup takes advantage of their good looks from time to time.

That said, Foop is a luz mala: a magical being brought into existence through magical means. His magic is highly unstable and not easily contained; his emotions can radically affect the world around him in ways that unnerve those who utilize wands. Traditionally luz mala have been extremely looked down upon in Fae society, though Poof and Foop themselves have started improving that view thanks to their celebrity statuses. They’re both very open about being luz mala. Poof tries to make luz mala seem less scary while Foop presents himself as more powerful than most, so they’re still at odds with each other, but they’re getting by.

Intimate History: Considers his first sexual experience to be with Anti-Marigold (whom he passed the iris virus to) shortly after he became a legal adult. He considers her his mistress since he is also courting Anti-Coriander, the girl the public expect him to marry and rule alongside someday. Hiccup has gotten around while in control of the body, and Foop has a few scattered memories of those events, but doesn’t consider them to be his own experiences and is uncomfortable when Hiccup’s past partners talk to him as though he’s Hiccup and remembers such things.

For Foop, sex is an absentminded thing. It’s more about scratching the itch his urges fill him with than either emotional bonding or achieving physical pleasure. If he does feel like he’s bonded or enjoyed the experience once it’s over, that’s a bonus but not normally his goal. The way sees it, he has lustful hormones that distract him from his work, so he satisfies them the same way he fills his stomach when it alerts him he’s hungry.

Turn-Ons: While Foop does his fair share of body admiring, he’d never chase after anyone if he wasn’t strongly attracted to their brains. He knows he’s into curves and playing with hair, but with him, foreplay consists mainly of conversation (and bragging). He knows a few physical tricks to excite others, but considers such things predictable and ineffective on himself. Stimulating conversation is the key to his soul, which is why he finds Anti-Marigold more sexually attractive than reserved Anti-Coriander. You... can’t have a short encounter with Foop. He’ll talk your ear off, and if you don’t have the mental stamina to keep up with him, he’ll quickly lose interest. 

Kiff-Tie: Not currently tied to a nature spirit, but it’s expected he’ll tie with Winni, the spirit who represents Breath on the Fairy zodiac, when High Count. He is not looking forward to it and plans to avoid it if possible despite literally all of Anti-Fairy society expecting him to be the spirit’s champion in the mortal world.

Honey-Lock Partner: Anti-Marigold Kelsia Anti-Goldenglow

Father: Anti-Cosmo Julius Anti-Cosma (née Anti-Lunifly)

Grandfather: Anti-Robin Anti-Cosma

Grandmother: Anti-Florensa Anti-Lunifly

Uncle: Anti-Robin “Anti-Schnozmo” Anti-Lunifly

Notable Ancestors: Anti-Ky Anti-Braddocki (The first anti-brownie); distantly related to the von Strangle family

Mother: Anti-Wanda Venus Anti-Fairywinkle

Grandfather: Anti-Dusty Anti-Fairywinkle

Grandmother: Anti-Kylia Anti-Swiftspark

Aunt: Anti-Wendy Anti-Fairywinkle

Notable Ancestors: Shylinda Coppertalon (The first High Countess of the Anti-Fairies); Anti-Ilisa Anti-Maddington (The first anti-will o’ the wisp)

Alternate Personality: Anti-Poof “Hiccup” Anti-Cosma-Anti-Fairywinkle

Met in youth

Brother: Anti-Dusty Smoky Anti-Fairywinkle-Anti-Cosma

Met at age 1,007

Girlfriend: Anti-Coriander Cleo Anti-Windskimmer

Met at age 141,266

Mistress: Anti-Marigold Kelsia Anti-Goldenglow

Met in youth

Crush: Goldie Kelsia Goldenglow

Met in youth

Other Important Relationships: _Chloe, Kevin, Caudwell

TRIVIA

The name “Foop” is of Genie origins and translates to “Wolf which runs across the blue moon.” A foop is a magical wolf with a pelt that mirrors the sky, so in “Fairly Odd Fairy Tales,” Foop was quite literally a big bad foop.

Foop is typically associated with plant imagery while Poof is associated with animals.

Like all Anti-Fairy drakes, Foop has a scent gland on his head. He rubs his head against things he considers “his” (such as the door to his lab, his favorite bookshelf, and Anti-Wanda). He doesn’t use it for marking lovers much, although his alternate personality does.

Inherited black hair from his grandparents, but some people speculate he’s illegitimate since both his parents have blue hair; some suspect his true father is Anti-Juandissimo while some suspect his true mother is Anti-Cosmo’s ex-wife, Anti-Saffron. Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda were alone during the pregnancy and birth, after all... It’s a mystery to the public.

Pretty much spent Spellementary School covering Anti-Marigold’s butt, then spent his older school years pulling Poof’s weight. He’s a TA for a reason... He can’t resist correcting answers.

Hates roosting upside-down.

Melts into the sensation of fingers scratching in his fur.

Actually enjoys taking walks; it relaxes him. He’s one of those people who will go out walking late or early in the morning all by himself.

I believe Foop appears in more 130 Prompts than any other character, and rivals H.P. for most appearances total (assuming each Origin of the Pixies chapter is not counted as an individual appearance).

APPEARANCES

Riddleverse Classic Timeline: “No Absolutes” > Identity Theft > “Yellow Flower Number 9” > “Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails” > “Bells On Bats’ Tails” > “Whenever Possible” > “Let’s Speak Vatajasa!” > Hawthorn Haven > Devil’s Backbone

130 Prompts Timeline: “Think Positive” > “Shouldn’t Have Survived” > “Hidden” > “It’s On Now!” > “Not All the Same” > “Lucky” > “Hate Mail” > “Who Am I?” > “Second Chance” > “Naptime” > “Teaming Up” > “Evolution Hopeful” > “This Is a Box” > “Step Back” > “Take a Break” > “Name” > “Final Stand” > “Unwelcome” > “Tools of the Trade” > “Opinion” > “Shadow” > “Live For the Moment” > “Watch and Learn” > “Temptation” > “Mind Your Manners” > “All I Ever Wanted” > “A Family Matter” > “Whisper” > “Forever” > “Revenge” > “Inside > “Trance” > “No Refunds!” > “Piggyback” > “Little Wonders” > “Not Like You” > “Voice” > “Bubbles” > Daddy’s Girl” > “Revenge” > “Can’t” > “Reality Doesn’t Work That Way” > “Reflection”

AU Appearances:

N/A

#RD Foop #RD canon characters #RD character ref #RD profiles #RD AntiFairy stuff

[concussed-to-pieces]

Whether It Works Out Or Not: Winter’s Cold, Part Two

Fandom: Red Dead Redemption 2

Pairing: High Honor!Arthur Morgan/Named OFC

Rating: Holy shit T.

AN: Thank you all so much for being here! Enjoy!

[Spoiler warning for the epilogue!]

Tag List: @huliabitch​​ @cookiethewriter​​ @pedrosbigdorkenergy​​ @thirstworldproblemss​​ @anonymouscosmos​​ @culturalrebel​​ @karmezii​​ @teaofpeach​​ @crookedmoonsaultpunk​​ @wrestlingfae​​ @zombiexbody​​ @nelba​​ @scribblenotes76​​ @toxiicpop​​ @mstgsmy​​ @misty-possum​​ @gallowsjoker​​ @midnightbeauty35​​ @lackofhonor​​ @renegademustelid​​ @missfronkensteen​ @newplanetshine

Part One: Strangers

Part Two: Friends

Part Three: More

Bonus One: A Brief Diversion

Bonus Two: Back In The Cage

Winter’s Cold, Part One

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: This installment contains emotional distress and self-loathing. Stay safe!]

The first time Arthur really felt...aware, like he was actually inhabiting his body instead of floating above and slightly to the right of it, he realized that he could hear chirping birds. A breeze stirred his hair; there must be a window open nearby. 

  It dawned on him after several moments that he could breathe. It still hurt, it pained him, but he wasn't hacking and wheezing every second. Dread flooded his soul then; either he was dead, or the law was in the process of meting out the rope for his noose. Bit of a raw deal for all those hellfire preachers if eternal damnation was only some downright mild discomfort (at least after everything else) and a lazy little breeze.

  His whole body still felt like it weighed too much to move. The idea of opening his eyes was a distant, faint notion; barely a fledgling consideration in the back of his mind. Arthur was more than content to lay just wherever it was that he had fallen, sunshine wavering in dappled patches across the insides of his eyelids.

  He dimly noticed that fabric was covering his mouth and nose. A bandanna, or some kind of mask? To keep him from spreading the infection, he surmised pragmatically. Through the material wafted a scent from his childhood, the alive smell of freshly-cured hay. Beneath it was the ever-present odor of manure, the crisp tingle of pine. So he must be in the mountains somewhere. 

  Odd. Last he knew, he was being shipped off to the city to be read his last rites. Had they decided to let him convalesce in the wilderness, drag him back from the clutches of death and then set his backside afore the law?

  Very odd indeed. But then again, justice had always been more of a performance than a true enforcement of moral integrity.

  I sound like Dutch.

  He drifted off again. Just thinking was exhausting, like wading through swamp mud.

  More medicine. Balm for his chest. A stew, lip of the bowl pressed to his mouth so he could slowly slurp it up. Rich, meaty broth, soothing his throat. How many days had it been?

  He couldn't even bring himself to move when he felt the familiar press of a flat blade against his neck. Hot water soaking into his skin, a warm cloth moving in circles to scrub away whatever grime was around his nose and mouth. The person was meticulous, sure strokes carefully ridding the man of the stubble he harbored on his face. How long had it been since he shaved?

  Christ alive, Arthur was tired. He couldn't decide whether he wanted to live or not. This caretaker, whoever they were, clearly wasn't letting him go without a fight. But he was so tired. 

  He wavered for what felt like a lifetime, hovering at the edge of eternity in the green fragrance of curing hay. It was safe here, at any rate. Nothing would harm him in this peaceful tomb. He could rest until he began to feel like he was in control of his body again, and one fateful day, Arthur Morgan finally realized that he wanted to see how much worse living could manage to be.

  His eyes opened slowly, squinting against the near-blinding illumination of sunset that played pink against the unfinished beams over his head. Lord, just doing that much had taken the wind out of his sails. Maybe he was already dead. 

  His eyes rolled shut wearily, blinking open again what felt like moments later to find the place dark. Night had fallen. Time was slipping past him, it would seem. There was a faint taste in his mouth: venison stew with wild carrots, if he had to guess. He didn't even remember eating.

  He squinted in the blackness, trying to force his eyes to adjust so he could at least take in his surroundings before he lost consciousness again. 

  Hay. Everywhere. He appeared to be in a loft of some kind, bales stacked neatly all around the tick he laid on. Night sounds filtered in through the open window, bats squeaking and the booming call of an owl telling him that the hour must indeed be late. 

  Arthur lapsed back into senselessness once more. He dreamed of hearing violin music and catching sight of a massive, pale buck through the window. It watched him from a far-off hillside, ears flicking back and forth to catch every sound. 

  He dreamed of Irene. Her smile, her eyes, the kisses in the tent that they had shared...

  Maybe, maybe sat like a block of lead in his gut. 'Maybe' was all he had ever had. A chance, a mirage. Pretty words from men and women who had made him feel useful, needed.

  So he had poured from himself until he was empty and it still hadn't been enough. 

  He was a fool. What was it that Irene had said to Jamie? "I'm not letting anyone else dig my grave and usher me into it." 

  Arthur, in contrast, had practically handed Dutch the shovel on a silver platter.

  I gave you all I had.

  …

  He was aware that someone was nearby, and he managed to open his eyes again for a brief moment. Long enough for him to hallucinate that it was Irene tending to him, Irene giving him whatever horrendous medicine it was and washing away the bitter taste with hot soup and small sips of tea. He must truly be long gone, mad with delirium or fever or the consumption that had wracked his chest until he felt paper-thin. 

  How would she even be here? How would that have even happened? There was no way. 

  Arthur almost loathed himself for choosing to live at that moment, because he was clearly missing a few more screws. He knew that some agues raged so strong they could burn the brain right out of a man and he feared that was the case with him. 

  Not that he'd had much brain to lose in the first place.

  Christ, he did wish she was here. He wished he could take her hand and never let her go again. 

  Allowing her leave that final time was a regret that had haunted him even more prominently than his bitter failure with Mary, for all that he knew there was nothing he could have done to make her stay with him. Irene had been on her own too long, flown too far and high to ever be tied down to some old, miserable bastard again.

  Mary had come to know him under false pretenses, and she had never truly reconciled herself with it. In a way, Arthur hadn't either. He had known she wasn't his from the very beginning, had known that he was playing a part or living a lie whenever he was with her. It never would have worked out, and it never did. 

  But Irene, despite their deceptive start, came to him with a certain honesty. The haphazard performance of masculinity had done little to hide her true nature, the kindness that she claimed to see in him so freely displayed in her as well. It also didn't hide the burdens she carried, though he hadn't understood the sadness in 'Frank's' eyes when they had spoken.

  The trials she had gone through...he at least had the gang, but she was wholly alone. She had endured, like a pine tree rooted on a crumbling and wind-whipped bluff. Storms of life howling all around and yet…

  And yet, when he had last seen her, she had held herself proudly in Lemieux's mansion, unshaken. The guts and wherewithal that had seen her thus far would continue, and Arthur had wished her nothing but the finest of luck even as he had sent her on her way. 

  …

  There were folded clothes on the floor beside him when next he stirred, and on top of them was a note. Arthur had no idea how long it took him to sit up, never mind move his arm, manipulate his fingers into picking the note up, unfold the note to read it…

  Lord, living certainly seemed to require a lot of steps. 

  Arthur,

Not sure if you'll really be awake today, but I've noticed you moving around a bit of your own volition. Left the clothes in case you feel up to getting dressed. I am uncertain if you'll recall, so I'll remind you that the waste bucket is in the far corner.

  The note was unsigned.

  Arthur huffed out a breath, clearing his throat experimentally. He reached for the union suit on the top of the pile, planting his face in the article of clothing with a groan as his head suddenly felt too heavy to support. "C'mon Morgan." He encouraged himself, the words thick in his mouth. Shit, how long had he been out for? It was like he had forgotten how to speak.

  Just pulling the suit up and over his legs was a task of Herculean proportions. Arthur doggedly kept fighting the urge to pass out, the desire to lay back down and let time zip by again. He had made the choice to live and by God, he would follow through with it even if it killed him.

  The longer he worked at getting dressed, the easier it became to keep his eyes open. Socks on over the suit, shirt, pants. His suspenders hung limp at his sides, but he did tuck in his shirt as best as he could after he relieved himself. 

  Boots. Boots, one tipped over on the space beside the ladder, the other within reach of the bed.

  Next, climbing down the ladder. Mercifully the loft was not particularly high. The whole barn seemed rather small as far as barns went, obviously originally built with one stall. A second one appeared to have been hastily grafted onto the building at a later time. 

  Arthur had to take a breather at the base of the ladder, clinging to it just to keep his balance. His knees felt like they were made out of jelly. Had his boots always been this damn heavy?!

  He floundered onward after a moment, grateful for his hat as he emerged into the blinding sunlight of the outside world. 

  Arthur rubbed his eyes, nearly losing his footing as he did so. He had already been uncertain of the reality of his current situation, and this idyllic scene in front of him wasn't helping matters! 

  A small paddock stretched out on the left, and a cozy-looking cabin was nestled into the green, flower-dappled glen alongside the barn he had just emerged from. Arthur staggered to the paddock fence for support, draping himself over it. From the shadow by the barn, a shape stirred. He forced himself to focus on it, his eyes widening when the horse meandered lazily out into the sunlight to graze.

  "Chase!" Arthur rasped, his voice rough and cracking from disuse. The mare's head jerked up and she looked around. His heart leaped in his chest when she whinnied excitedly at him, trotting across the paddock and bumping her nose against his chest. Arthur held her tightly, cupping her muzzle and scratching beneath her jaw. "That's my sweet girl, my good girl." He murmured, feeling foolish for getting choked up. 

  There was an explosive snort to his right and a familiar pink nose snuffled over his shoulder. Arthur squinted, turning his head to the side and realizing that it was Bluster. The horse whickered, mouthing at the sleeve of his shirt. 

  Arthur Morgan was speechless. He must be dead. How else could he have his horse, and Irene's horse besides? He sat there mutely for God only knew how long, just petting Chase with his eyes closed to luxuriate in the sensation of sun on his skin. 

  Behind him, the wind carried faint sounds to his ears, and he flinched when he caught a child's high-pitched squeal of laughter. Just where the hell was he, if he was indeed alive? What buffoon would nurse someone like him back to health, yet leave him unbound and unguarded? Something was very odd about this whole scenario.

  Arthur turned and leaned back on the fence, narrowing his eyes against the glare of the sun as he looked up at the ridge of the glen. There was an abrupt flash of motion to the left on the edge of the gully, and he watched a woman that he desperately wanted to recognize chase after a child. The little one was fairly shrieking with mirth, scurrying away from their pursuer until they flopped down dramatically and allowed themselves to be caught.

  It felt like his heart had left his body, the damn thing soaring and shattering all at once. A girl, it was a little girl, her hair the color of a pale buck. Irene scooped the child up, laughing breathlessly and tossing her into the air before spinning the two of them in a dizzying circle. 

  Irene.

  Arthur swallowed hard. Fate was indeed a cruel mistress if this was the vision he was greeted with upon making his decision to live! He continued to just slouch against the fence, silently observing the duo as they frolicked at the top of the ridge. Irene had flowers in her hair just like she had at the Mayor's little soiree, and he realized dimly that her dark brown curls were much longer. Just how much time had he lost?

  He finally mustered up the strength to wave at them and he liked to think that Irene went still out of happiness. In a moment she caught the child up and fairly bolted down the hillside, her skirt hiked around her knees as she ran. 

  "Arthur!" 

  Christ, Christ he wasn't ready for this. He wasn't ready for the sight of her with a babe on her hip, the agony of maybe, maybe that ripped at his insides. In another life, it might have been his child that she had been playing with. In another life, this might have been the home that they had built together.

  But instead, she had gone on and made a fruitful existence without him. He couldn't, wouldn't blame her for it. He had cut her loose, after all.

  Irene came to a halt inches away, her chest rising and falling from the effort of her sprint. "Y-You--you're up!" She panted, her smile burying itself in his ribs like a blade. Christ, his heart was too weak for this.

  The child in Irene's arms gawked up at him with crystal blue eyes and he tried to muster up a smile, startled when Irene embraced him tightly. He felt her fingers dig into his back, and then her shoulders quivered while she buried her face in his chest. "Oh no, c'mon now Miss Irene." Arthur said hoarsely. "I ain't worth all that fuss, it's okay."

  ...

  "Mama?" Anna asked tentatively. "Mama okay?"

  "Mama's fine, love." Irene managed to say, kissing her child's forehead. "Just very happy is all. You remember my friend Mister Arthur, right?"

  "Sick." Anna replied, her attempt at a fake cough making Arthur chuckle. "Better now?"

  "I'd reckon so, little miss." The man drawled hoarsely. God, that voice. Irene hadn't realized just how much she had missed him. She had seen him every day, of course, nursing him back to health, but he hadn't been conscious for most of it. "S'pose I have your mama to thank for that."

  Irene noticed him glancing over her shoulder, like he was expecting someone else to show up. "Your friend, Mister Trelawny--"

  Arthur chuffed out a breath through his nose, making Anna giggle. "Friend? Man's a cockroach in a waistcoat." He groused.

  "Yes, he mentioned that the two of you may not be as close as he posited. Nonetheless, it's thanks to him that you're here now, alive."

  "Really. Huh. So I am alive, then. I wasn't shoah. This place is…" Arthur gestured vaguely around. "S'beautiful, Miss Irene." His tone was melancholy. "Like a dream."

  "I'd like to think I chose well, Mister Arthur. It hasn't been easy, but the two of us have made it work." Irene said proudly, nuzzling her nose against Anna's. "My tough little frontierwoman."

  "Just...what, you an' the baby?" Arthur asked, his confusion evident. 

  "Yes. Who else would there be?" Irene replied with her own question, brow furrowed. Arthur blinked down at her. His eyes darted momentarily to Anna, and Irene bit her lip, wondering whether he would put it together immediately. 

  "I-I jus'...I figured there might be a third person, is all." Arthur stammered. 

  Irene couldn't help her sad smile, shaking her head at him and extending an arm. "Come inside, Arthur. It's nearly suppertime anyways."

  It was so strange, finally having him in the main room of her little house. She had thought about this scenario more times than she could count. Just the walk across the front yard thoroughly tired him out, and the man seemed more than content to doze in one of the kitchen chairs while she put the finishing touches on the evening meal. Obviously it would take time and care for him to regain even a fraction of his former strength. He had been bedridden, or something close to it, for nearly five months!

  Anna played noisily on the floor with a few carved horses that Irene had made for her when she was teething, their forms scored with scrapes and marks from the event. The child didn't seem apprehensive about the large man currently nodding off in the chair by the table, which had Irene feeling hopeful. Maybe, just maybe…

  "Dinnertime." She said softly, "put away your toys, love." 

  Anna pouted, holding up a finger. "One?" She bargained, clutching her 'favorite' horse to her chest. "One for Art'ur." 

  "Oh it's for Arthur now, is it?" Irene teased, wiping her hands off on her apron. "Go on then, you scallywag."

  The little girl fairly beamed, placing the horse with a laughable amount of care alongside Arthur's arm. Then, she impatiently bounced in place as Irene fetched the riser for her chair so she would be level with the table when she sat. 

  "Ah ah, go wash up! You know the rules." Irene instructed the eager child, sending her on her way to the porch.

  "She is just the cutest damn thing." Arthur mumbled, almost like he was talking to himself. His fingers idly played along the curves of the little horse by his fork. "How old is she?" 

  "A touch over two. She was born during the winter." Irene watched Arthur nod absently, and what she was about to say got caught in her throat as Anna toddled back inside.

  Arthur accepted the coffee Irene poured him with all the gratitude in the world, his eyes closing in enjoyment as he took his first sip. "Ah, that's good," he sighed. "Ain't nothin' like a decent cup of coffee. Feel like life is comin' back to me."

  "Well, don't forget to save room for dinner." Irene buttered Anna a little piece of bread and scooted it across the table to keep her occupied while she loaded two plates with corn, mashed potatoes and a spoonful of precious pork gravy from tomorrow's slow-cooking dinner. "Corn is Anna's favorite, right love?"

  Anna nodded, blue eyes wide as she munched on her bread. "Mine!" She announced sharply, scrunching up her nose when Arthur chuckled at her. 

  "Sweeting, be polite. There's more than enough for all of us, you know that!" Irene chided her daughter, rumpling the little girl's hair fondly after she placed Arthur's plate in front of him. "Always enough here." 

  Anna's plate, as usual, required a bit more preparing, so she brought it along with her own to her chair beside the child. Anna immediately started digging into the mashed potatoes as her mother carefully shucked the kernels off the cob in neat rows. "Th'nk y'Mama." Anna said through a mouthful of food.

  "You're welcome Anna, but slow down. No one will take it from you." With a touch of amusement Irene noticed Arthur visibly slow his pace in response, the man obviously used to wolfing his food. "Drink your water, Anna."

  Arthur ate mainly in silence, aside from a few appreciative grunts. He couldn't contain his laughter when Anna started to imitate his sounds, the man apologizing for his poor table manners. "Forgive me, Miss Irene, I've always been awful at eatin' in the presence of polite company." 

  "Mama says I'm a little piggy." Anna informed Arthur, seeming confused when he burst out laughing again. 

  "If you're a li'l piggy, Miss Anna, then I must be the biggest boar alive." He said once he managed to rein himself in. 

  …

  Arthur lingered on the front steps, the lantern in his hand ready to light his way back across the yard. He felt exhausted, stuffed with good food and more than ready to get a full night's rest.

  So what was he waiting for?

  Many thoughts had gone through his head during dinner. How beautiful Irene still looked, how good of a mother she clearly was. Anna was a precocious little thing, those blue eyes bright with the possibility of mischief. 

  Her eyes…

  Arthur didn't dare to hope that one of he and Irene's little diversions had borne fruit, if only because it would throw into question his oh-so-noble attempts at prevention. Had he truly tried as hard as he could to be safe, or was there always that selfish desire in the back of his mind waiting to be acted upon?

  He jumped guiltily when the door opened and Irene stepped out, half-turning to face her with a brittle grin. "Howdy ma'am. Little one safely abed, I take it?"

  "After a bit of deliberation, yes." Irene sighed, her posture weary. "She's very opinionated for someone who cannot manage eating a carrot unless it has been sliced into wheels. I do fear for the future, Arthur."

  The future.

  Arthur cleared his throat. "Irene, is...did we…?"

  She put a hand on his shoulder, silencing his stammering with a sad little smile. "Later, Arthur. Right now, rest is what you need."

  He wanted to deny that, but it was fairly impossible to do so. He was nearly asleep standing up as it was. "Tomorrow?" He bargained through a yawn.

  "Tomorrow. I promise."

Summer’s Warmth, Part One

#arthur morgan #arthur morgan x original female character #high honor arthur #arthur morgan imagine #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption 2 epilogue #rdr2 fandom #rdr2 spoilers #rdr2 fanfic #rdr2 epilogue #rdr2

[morsking]

And so we have concluded Lostbelt 2! Now that I’ve experienced it for myself, I have a much clearer picture about how I feel about this chapter. As I progressed one thing became very clear to me, and that was that Hazuki Minase likely did NOT have any influence with this chapter, and its weakest points can be attributed to its main writer, Hikaru Sakurai, once we more closely scrutinize her work.

For starters, I would like to apologize to the people who kept trying to tell me Minase had nothing to do with the writing of Losbelt 2. You were correct, I simply acted stubbornly because I was terrified that one of the writers I loathe the most had returned to haunt and corrupt the franchise I hold very dear to me. I insisted on blaming him for any flaws because he was an easy scapegoat and a bogeyman, and while we all agree he is a pervert and a hack who should be fired, it is simply not fair to point fingers at imaginary criminals. A person should always be held accountable only for the misdeeds they have actually committed. Indeed, we may now explore Lostbelt 2 and the integrity of its writing with a more objective perspective, or rather as objective as I can manage to be.

The overall theme of the Lostbelt is “acknowledging one’s emotions as a vehicle for personal growth”. The issue persistent in the setting of Lostbelt Scandinavia was that it was a place where only young humans were allowed to survive. These humans would be oblivious to what real growth and prosperity were really like. They were innocent, and emotionally and intellectually stunted groups of people who only knew to live for the truth of their eventual demise. They lived short, rushed lives where they would stay ignorant of basic human experiences, such as love, grudges, aging, vice, hate, competition, and companionship because they devoted themselves to living how Scathach-Skadi ordered them to. They were unable to think or decide what to do for themselves, and were thus incapable of not just taking the reins to decide their own evolution as we do in Proper Human History, but also of fathoming doing such a thing in the first place.

This is a mirror to Ophelia Phamrsolone. Ophelia was conditioned to only listen to others for purpose and direction. Ophelia doesn’t actually know how to listen to her own feelings or even what those feelings even are because she was never allowed to connect not just with herself but with anyone. Ophelia, like Surtr points out, is still very much a little girl terrified by everything around her because she has no balance, no capacity for finding her center as a healthy and normal human being would. Unbeknownst to herself, all her interactions with others are a plea for help. Her very first interaction with Mash in 2017 was asking her if she’d like to have lunch with her and Pepe because Ophelia is terrified by male strangers and wishes to connect with other women as well. Ophelia’s conversations with Kirschtaria are also her not knowing how to proceed with challenges and therefore appealing to authority both for comfort and advice. Finally, her monologues with the Alien Priestess are Ophelia venting about how she feels, as if she were unaware of what to really think of herself as her helplessness and indecision drown her in a lake of self-loathing. 

These cries for help extend to the way she summons her Servants. Ophelia is noted to be incredibly proficient at evocation. Some might even call her a genius. In fact, she is such a genius she unknowingly managed to contract not just with one, nor two, but three different Servants all at once. The first Servant to answer her summon was Sigurd, the King of Warriors from Nordic mythology. The second Servant was Surtr the King of Giants and Scourge of Ragnarok (titled by yours truly), who hijacked the summoning and took over Sigurd. The third, and most pivotal, was Napoleon Bonaparte, the French Emperor whose Spirit Origin was modified to embody the “ideal Good Fellow who could make dreams come true” rather than the actual historical Napoleon.

What these three Servants have in common is that Ophelia wished for all of them from the darkest depths of her heart. Ophelia desired capable Servants who could give her some form of direction and stability. 

Sigurd, for example, is a hero renown for rescuing Brynhild and giving brand new meaning to her life by showering her with love and devotion. Love and devotion are things that Ophelia not just desires to be shown but actively struggles to adequately express to others because she has never known what it’s like to experience those things. To Ophelia, Sigurd represents “being given that which you have never known and finding fulfillment”. 

Surtr, on the other hand, embodies a darker type of direction: the terror stagnation, conformity, monotony, inaction, and eternal suffering. Surtr exercises control over Ophelia by threatening to destroy the world if he is released, prompting Ophelia to flash to her childhood locked away by her abusive parents every dreaded Sunday. Surtr locks Ophelia into a state of helplessness and indecision where she has to carefully consider how she will proceed with dealing with Surtr. Ophelia has decided to lock herself in with him as a way to prevent him from breaking out of both Sigurd’s body and the physical prison inside the Lostbelt’s sun. This is a situation where Ophelia is in a constant state of stress and fear, since as a Crypter the last thing she could ever want to see is the destruction of yet another world by her hands. More personally, the death of the Lostbelt would also mean death for Ophelia, as she has failed her purpose once again and thus would have no worth as a person. However, what Ophelia cannot understand, because Surtr himself does not, is that Surtr’s destructive impulses are how he wants to show love and devotion towards her. Surtr has reasoned that since their worlds abandoned them after they failed to perform their ordained tasks, the only thing left is to annihilate them completely as retribution for their suffering. Surtr does not wish to hurt Ophelia, but because he is a being defined only by his overwhelming desire to burn everything, he cannot help her heal or grow in any way that matters. All he can offer is annihilation. To Ophelia, Surtr represents “self-destruction through a static state of being”.

Finally, there is Napoleon. Napoleon represents a pronounced antithesis to Ophelia’s entire personality. He is an upbeat, improvising, confident man who chooses to not stress over things because what he is seeing is only what lies ahead, not what lies in front of him.He also breaks her defenses by asking something so ridiculous and unexpected as her hand in marriage when they have only just met. Napoleon refuses to give in to any negative outcome regardless of how much the odds are stacked against him, as he demonstrated in Scathach-Skadi’s throne room where he refused to let Sigurd kill his Master despite being restrained by Skadi’s paralyzing rune. He demonstrates this once again when he blows his final shot at Surtr during the final battle, sacrificing his own life to give Chaldea the opportunity to regroup and bombard Surtr to bring him down. He is called the Man of Infinite Possibilities precisely because he faces the unknown head on and finds the best path to walk for his comrades to advance. He does not let fear take over his heart and judgement, he creates a rainbow as a bridge connecting the present to the bright, shining future. He is precisely the hero Ophelia needs, because he embodies “the bravery to grasp your own future and find your own direction”. 

But analyzing these characters further is a post for another time. What I want to get into are the gripes I have with this Lostbelt. 

Now, I could lead you on through a couple more paragraphs before I wham you with what this all means in a much higher metatextual level, but I don’t have the time nor the creativity to do that so I’m just gonna give it to you straight. This square between Ophelia, Sigurd, Surtr, and Napoleon is the storyline that matters most in Lostbelt 2. Scathach-Skadi matters little despite her own parallels with Ophelia and being the Lostbelt King, and the situation with the Lostbelt’s inhabitants matters even less. Why?

Because Lostbelt 2 is Sakurai coming full circle and writing an otome game like Fate/Prototype was meant to be before Fate/stay night became a thing. 

SHOCKER!! SOUND EFFECTS OF SURPRISE!! DRAMATIC KAZOOS GALORE!!

Now, that’s exaggerating a little. Or maybe not that much, actually.

What Sakurai was doing was applying conventional otome game tropes into the setting not just what she’s familiar writing for, but because Lostbelt 2 is inherently an incredibly self-indulgent project. 

There is a classic trademark otome fantasy at play here: the fantasy of multiple men being devoted to a female main character a player can relate to. There is no denying there is a certain appeal to the idea that there are several handsome men all willing to devore their entire lives to a person. Sigurd, Surtr, and Napoleon all embody certain otome game love interest archetypes. Sigurd is the cold, composed, intellectual man who is actually earnest, just, affectionate, and wise. Surtr is the dark-hearted troubled man with fiery disposition struggling with expressing love. Napoleon is the strong, confident, borderline pixie manic dream boy with almost zero brains but plenty of empathy and... *ahem*, physique to make up for his seeming lack of tact and intelligence (he’s a himbo is what I’m saying but that comes as no surprise). The problems arise with Napoleon himself, however. Napoleon hounds Ophelia with marriage proposals she refuses time and time and again. When he proposes to her in front of Chaldea for the first time, the narrative has Mash take Napoleon’s side and urges you to do the same because Sakurai believed the reader would’ve caught on to what’s actually going on between Ophelia and Napoleon. 

The issue here is that Sakurai’s clues up to that point had been far too hidden for the player to make a proper connection, and it’s not until AFTER the proposal that the player discovers Napoleon is predisposed to fall in love with whoever summons him because that’s what Ophelia wanted out of an ideal Servant. Because of the poor execution in presenting all these factors that completely recontextualize the relationship between Napoleon and Ophelia, when Sakurai has Napoleon say “You did not reject me therefore you DID agree,” we jump to the conclusion that Napoleon is engaging in extremely reprehensible behavior and ideology reminiscent of dangerous and abusive men IRL rather than take it as harmless flirtation from a well-meaning oaf of a man as he tries to break the shell of his beloved. Sakurai invokes a very dangerous trope that does more to excuse misogynistic behavior when done incorrectly rather than successfully appear as a romantic gesture of attempting to liberate a loved one from the clutches of isolation and victimhood.

On a larger scale, the application of these tropes is where Lostbelt 2 starts to suffer, and that’s where Sakurai’s writing further begins to resemble Minase’s. Sakurai spent so much time building these interpersonal dynamics that she spent the least amount of effort actually building upon the situation of the Lostbelt and Scathach-Skadi’s character and motivations for keeping the Scandinavia the way it is. 

Upon scrutiny, it’s not very difficult to pick apart the setting and make a mark out of the glaring logistical inconsistencies of maintaining a population of only 10,000 humans for a span of 3,000 years by having them reproduce at 15 years old at the latest to execute them at 25. Anyone with a passing understanding of biology would know that forcing children to carry babies to term can lead to terrible health and psychological complications that would certainly end up in a lot more miscarriages, stillbirths, and failed attempts at impregnation than actual successful births. The problem here then is rather evident. Sakurai wanted to use the fact that all these children are young, innocent, naive, gullible, and ignorant to draw a connection to Ophelia’s own psychological and emotional circumstance. However, she realized that because she was writing a setting that obligated her to work around a 3000-year gap between Ragnarok and the present day. She needed something that would compromise the need for a realistic system that would ensure the reproductive viability of a human population through such a long period of time and the thematic vehicle of childhood and repression of growth as a way to connect Ophelia to her environment. This compromise ended up working for the absolute worse because she chose the worst possible system she was aware was the worst possible system she could’ve come up with and therefore decided to forsake that part of the plot without going through the implications of it and leaving the specifics to the reader’s imagination so they could sort it out in her stead.

This unwillingness to properly explore the problematic implications of Scathach-Skadi’s system not only deprived the player of a possible engaging storyline where child endangerment, a common theme in the Nasuverse, is explored and criticized through a different angle, but also actively hurts Scathach-Skadi’s connection to the player because we never get the opportunity to debate with her about her ideology and the state of the Lostbelt. We never hold her accountable for enforcing such a brutally predatory and dehumanizing system that targets children, instead Sakurai opts to build her up as a flawed, self-absorbed mother figure desperately trying to combat the extinction of the remnant of her world who also never really learned how to deal with the revelation there is an entire life she did not get to have in this universe that we MUST sympathize because she occasionally sees through the characters and acts kind towards them until the time comes for us to fight her in earnest as a matter of principle completely divorced from the question of how she’s managed her Lostbelt. The fact Scathach-Skadi’s model of sustainability does not work is made obvious by the fact it takes place in a Lostbelt, what we are trying to get at here is that it does not work from a writing standpoint because of all the different holes you can poke on it before you’ve punched through the paper screen entirely and revealed the superfluousness of it all. 

There is nothing inherently bad about self-indulgent storylines. If I’m being honest, if Sakurai wanted to use Ophelia and Musashi as self-inserts to fantasize about romancing the different kinds of characters she finds attractive, more power to her. But the problem surrounding Lostbelt 2, which is the same problem that plagued Septem and Fate/Extella, is a veritable lack of restraint from her part as a professional writer in charge of a multi-billion dollar mobile game. What the writing room over at Type-Moon has to realize is that they are no longer a small doujin writing circle that can get away with whatever they want because they operate under obscurity. They are visible to the entire world and will be held accountable and criticized as professionals by consumers and their peers in the industry. A little bit of self-fulfillment in a published work never hurt anyone, you can cater to yourself most of all with your professional work (I mean, just look at She-Ra), but you must be sure that in your pursuit of indulgence your work does not suffer for it and ends up alienating and disappointing your fanbase and giving them the wrong impression of what you stand for. 

Anyway we’re popping the biggest bottles when GudaMoth becomes canon this December. 

#fate series #fate grand order #fgo #fate/grand order #fate go #homecooked meta #WOW THIS WAS LONG #for some reason sakurai ends up bringing the best in me even at her worst #IF I MISSED SOME THINGS IT'S WHATEVER IT'S 4:20 AM

[thewatsonbeekeepers]

Chapter 3 – Death Cannot Stop True Love… [HLV 1/1]

… All it can do is delay it for a while. Whilst Westley’s hair in that film horribly resembles my lockdown hair, more happily the fantastic movie The Princess Bride continues to resemble Sherlock – there was a very popular meta on the links between the two for a while there that can be found here: X.

This chapter is going to run through EMP theory as it begins, covering mainly the second half of HLV. It’s important to note, however, that the first half of the episode provides a lot of clues about the way certain images function in the mind palace, which backs up EMP theory quite nicely – the last ideas that Sherlock has going around in his brain before he is shot inevitably swirl around in there whilst he’s unconscious and form an important part of the train of association.

I toyed with the entirety of HLV being in EMP, because parts of it are weird (think Magnussen pissing in Baker Street, or the fucky MP glasses), but I ultimately dismissed it, though I’m willing to be challenged on this. I dismissed it as being a part of Sherlock’s post-wedding drug abuse for a few reasons. The first is that we only see Sherlock wake up from his drug abuse, not go into it – EMP is something that’s going to be hard for viewers to swallow, and Mofftiss are actually quite good at dropping big hints and drawing attention to the important bits along the way. That’s really not the case in the crack den, which is well integrated into the plot and has no traces of Sherlock’s mind palace. The second is that, actually, the premise of HLV is far too integrated into the main plot of s3 to be entirely MP – the CAM stuff and Janine at John and Mary’s wedding could be Sherlock extrapolating, but it seems like a bizarre extrapolation to make given how much fuckier the s4 mysteries are (London aquarium, Culverton’s drugging, the entirety of TFP) - the only MP fuckiness we get in HLV really takes place after Mary shoots Sherlock, like the restaurant scene with CAM or the Appledore Vaults being his MP. Mary shooting Sherlock also has far too many throwbacks with Norbury and Eurus in s4 to be completely irrelevant. So, with that in mind – let's go.

To understand what’s going on in HLV, we’re going to need to understand the metafiction going on – and this is where a good knowledge of acd canon comes in. Most of HLV isn’t actually based on His Last Bow, but on Charles Augustus Milverton X. To give a brief synopsis (although I would thoroughly recommend this story, not least because it’s incredibly queer) Holmes is engaged by Lady Eva Brackwell (Lady Smallwood in our world) to stop Milverton (Magnussen) from showing her husband some indiscreet letters she wrote to a squire some years ago. Holmes realises he can’t get Milverton under the law, so gets engaged in disguise to Milverton’s housemaid (Janine) in order to break in and burgle him. Watson agrees to come too. When they break in, Milverton is talking to another woman (Mary) who shoots him in revenge for Milverton’s use of information causing her husband’s suicide. She escapes and Holmes and Watson burn all of Milverton’s letters, and then escape. They refuse to help Lestrade solve the murder.

All of this lines up pretty evenly with HLV until the moment when Sherlock is shot. Admittedly there are minor changes to the Smallwood plot line (who committed what indiscretion), but these are minor and seem to be to make the plot work in the modern day – nobody cares if someone has a working-class ex anymore. But we get huge canon divergence from the shooting scene onwards.

Sherlock believes that Mary is Smallwood because of her perfume. This is a rational enough assumption to make, but it’s not just based on perfume. We know that since Lady Smallwood has engaged Holmes, Lord Smallwood has committed suicide – so she fits the profile of the blackmailee from Charles Augustus Milverton perfectly. She fits the patterns that Sherlock expects to see in his deductions. Mary does not – our first point of canon divergence. It sets up a painful parallel between John and Mary and the couple from Charles Augustus Milverton; they never name the indiscretion that led the husband in acd canon to kill himself, and given the company that Doyle kept (Wilde, Douglases including Lord Francis Douglas, who was thought to have killed himself shortly after being ennobled – much like the unnamed nobleman - because of his sexuality) it seems reasonable to assume this silence is euphemistic. Let that mirror linger in your thoughts, because it’s important.

Mary is the housemaid who has broken in to shoot Magnuessen/Milverton – so far so good. Although Holmes was hidden in the original stories, he was still present and sympathetic; the logical canon-following route here is for Mary to kill Magnussen, and that’s exactly what Sherlock expects her to do – but she doesn’t. She shoots him instead, and Sherlock can’t understand this. As we’ll see, he spends the rest of HLV trying to justify this pattern-breaking to himself, and is finally unable to.

Once Sherlock has been shot, the Molly/Anderson/Jim/Mycroft section which sets up EMP is fairly self-explanatory – the only thing I want to dive into here to point out is that this is the first appearance of Jim in the EMP, as a kind of restrained beast, and his most pivotal line is the fear he represents: John Watson is definitely in danger. This sets up what he’s going to represent for the rest of the EMP sequence. Other people have delved into the rest of this section before, and extensively – I don’t have a huge amount to add. We know John is in danger from Magnussen, because that’s ostensibly why Mary was there, but she didn’t seem to care as much as the housemaid from the initial stories did. We also know from the original stories that Magnussen has the power to make John suicidal, but in this story he hasn’t yet – but because of this, Sherlock senses that the danger is much more than a loss of reputation. It’s heart-re-starting-ly important.

The next bit I want to jump into is Sherlock’s conversation with Janine in the hospital. A lot of people have argued that this is one of the only real moments following Mary shooting Sherlock, and that Janine fiddling with the taps is part of what induces Sherlock’s fucky mind palace wanderings. I don’t buy into that theory – the more I think about this scene, the less it makes sense as being real in the context of EMP theory. The first reason for this is, very simply, that it means Sherlock has woken up after the realisation that John is in danger. The driving idea behind EMP theory is that Sherlock has to spend s4 making that realisation and trying to wake up – having that actually happen at the very start of EMP, only to be aborted, is bizarre. Secondly, it completely negates the idea that Mary’s actions are possibly fatal, which is a theme that reverberates through s4 (and all the chapters of this meta) - if Janine fiddling with the taps is what pushes Sherlock back into his MP, then by rights Janine should appear in S4, instead of the preoccupation it has with Mary and shooting.

What, then, is going on here? Sherlock is told by MP!Jim that John is in danger – and then imagines he wakes up. In his MP, Janine appears, puts him in pain and puts him back under. She, then, is the reason he can’t wake up. Janine has been Sherlock’s beard, and it’s quite possible to read her as being a symbol of Sherlock’s repression, but I think that’s a simplification; discounting TAB, Janine doesn’t appear again, and even then it’s minimal, whereas s4 is literally built around the concept of repression. As I go into in a lot more detail in chapter 9 (X), which is about the use of drugs to mask our darkest secrets in TLD, it’s the drugs that represent Sherlock’s deepest repression, in this case the morphine that he uses to mask the pain. Having Janine be the one who is fucking with the taps simply makes the link clearer, particularly when we might not associate hospital drugs with the other kind of drugs that Sherlock normally takes to take the pain away – however, it’s clear that the drugs that anaesthesise his pain do the same job as Janine – hide his queerness. Janine turned vindictive causes him intense pain, and he needs to turn back to the drugs to slip back under. Bearding was always temporary in this show, at least for Sherlock; drug abuse is a consistent problem and becomes a running metaphor for Sherlock’s repression in the EMP.

Janine being a symbol here helps me to make sense of the couple of lines that didn’t make sense to me otherwise. If Janine were real, getting rid of the bees would be awful – she gets the future our boys want and she destroys it. But if she’s a symbol in Sherlock’s mind of that bearding, and a barrier to waking up and saving John, then her sitting there, pushing him back into a coma and tearing away the future he longs for – that makes a lot of sense, and is 100% more devastating. The other line that has never made sense to me is Janine telling Sherlock that he could have just been honest with her, that she knows what kind of man he is. This line doesn’t make sense unless she means a gay man. I would be really interested to know how else this can be construed. This line can make sense in the real world if we accept that Janine is working with Mary – which must be true anyway, because otherwise Mary can’t get to CAM – and also wants Sherlock to get involved in that situation, although God knows why – the Janine-is-Jim's-sister theory feels like it might work here, but I don’t think there’s enough evidence for me to unravel it. If Janine genuinely does open the door out of affection for Sherlock, regardless of her relationship with Mary (the two aren’t mutually exclusive), Janine knowing Sherlock is gay doesn’t make sense at all - but Sherlock’s mind turning that beard back on himself to mock him? Absolutely makes sense. Remember, this is the loathing that pushes him back into the deep coma – this scene is really pivotal.

Sherlock vanishing from the hospital bed, despite being nearly dead, is pretty much medically impossible, and is probably the first impossible thing that we see happen in EMP – but it should be a red flag that that’s where we are. It’s also nice and symbolic of his movement away from that surface level, a level which we see him return to briefly in the hospital scenes in TLD when he realises his place in John’s heart. Touching stuff.

We then move into Sherlock’s interrogation of Mary behind the facade of the houses. In case we missed the reference, Mofftiss actually have the phrase the empty house used, a reference to The Adventure of the Empty House X, the story on which TEH is meant to be based. It is telling, though, that very little of The Empty House features in TEH, other than that it is the moment when Sherlock comes back. Others have commented on the minor relevance of Moran to the story and hypothesised that Mary is the real Moran – I think that the facade scene presents that as a genuine possibility. I don’t want to overstate the similarities that The Empty House bears to HLV, but Mofftiss do draw attention to it – and there is something interesting about the criminal being revealed by Holmes only after the criminal thinks they’ve killed him. That bears a particular relevance to Mary – and links her to Moriarty as his potential second-in-command. The most important link, however, is that in The Empty House, Holmes tricks Moran into incriminating himself by creating a dummy Holmes for Moran to shoot at. It’s true that Mary doesn’t shoot at dummy Sherlock (John) here, but the dummy is set up to incriminate her, and she acknowledges that this is a basic trick, one she should have known before. The links of the empty house and the dummy, both made explicitly familiar in the dialogue, do a lot to link Mary’s character to acdcanon!Moran.

This, however, all takes place in Sherlock’s brain. In several scenes, we’ve had Sherlock engage with two concepts in his mind that he can’t know about; one is Sebastian Moran in The Empty House, which only takes place in ACD canon, but even if you think that link is tenuous, he’s also engaged with his canon future as a beekeeper in Sussex. And then, on top of this, there is the problem of Mary versus the housemaid from Charles Augustus Milverton. My suggestion is that these aren’t just jokes put in by Mofftiss to say look-we've-read-the-books – Sherlock's mind is actually using the bees from the original stories to negotiate his relationship with his sexuality, and The Empty House to try to understand Mary’s motives. This is confirmed on a grand scale by TAB – he goes back to ACD canon!Holmes to navigate the problems of his everyday life – so Sherlock is not just a modern Sherlock Holmes, he is on some level self-aware of his existence as a fictional character. As we’ll see going through, his awareness of the existing canon of stories is fascinating and tied up in his repression – how do we break out of canon character, and what has canon been hiding, are two questions which repeatedly come to the fore. Mary is the character who most consistently breaks these canon expectations – a lot of TAB is about this – and that’s something he really struggles to contend with, and is one of the reasons that the reality of canon!verse starts to break down in TAB – it's not sustainable, and it doesn’t tell the full story. These two moments early on in EMP show him negotiating his identity and his experiences in his mind in relation to what he knows about Sherlock Holmes – an early iteration of a theme that’s going to become much larger.

The first thing Sherlock does after being pushed under by Janine is go and interrogate who Mary is in his brain, whilst also working out her impact on John. Sherlock comes up with a pretty reasonable background for who she is in the Leinster Gardens scene, but this isn’t really what’s important – it's the The Empty House parallel which sees him subconsciously making the link to Moriarty. ACDcanon!Moran, unlike bbc!Moran, was the last assassin sent after Sherlock from Moriarty’s network – this means that the dismantling-Moriarty's-network plot from the start of TEH becomes more than a fill-in-the-blanks montage, it means that the show retains its key villain to the end – it structurally works, in a way that other plot-level ideas haven’t. [@ eurus holmes. anyway]

Something that’s interesting here, is that there is a real shift away from the implications of the dummy in acd canon. In acd canon, Moran attempts to murder Holmes, which is a way of catching him in the act and sending him to prison. This is about catching Mary in the act in a similar sense, but it’s about being caught by John. This is interesting, because it shows that Sherlock’s priorities have shifted from acd canon – or, more accurately, we’re seeing the priorities that weren’t reported in the Strand. The emotional impact on John is far more important than the legal ramifications – and this in itself is the shift which the creators have been pretty emphatic about taking from the original stories.

John often represents the heart in Sherlock’s MP – I haven’t quite worked out how to distinguish between heart!John and Sherlock’s imagined John yet, and am flying on instinct, which is definitely not sustainable! But it strikes me that a lot about HLV and TST is about understanding the impact of this shooting on John, and that therefore this needs to be John as Sherlock imagines him.

We’re still with Sherlock’s imagined John as we move into “the Watsons’ domestic” in 221B – but, as so many have pointed out, for a domestic between the Watsons, they feature very little as a couple! The core emotional dialogue is often said to come between John and Sherlock, but despite Martin Freeman’s excellent performance in this scene, that’s not strictly true either. The centre of this scene is Sherlock explaining John’s love for Mary. It’s not about the Watsons – it's about Sherlock understanding what’s going on, which fits into EMP theory exactly. I firmly believe that Sherlock begins his EMP trip believing that John loves Mary, and slowly unravels the threads to realise that it’s actually him John cares about, and this scene is testament to the first part – the deduction that he makes about John loving Mary is flawless, but despite explicitly referencing himself, he fails to see the obvious – hiding in plain sight - that such a deduction could equally be applied to himself. He’ll get there in the end (TLD), but right now, that’s what makes this scene so painful for me.

Turning Mary into a client is about moving into the rational part of Sherlock’s brain, trying not to let emotion cloud it, even though it’s incongruous and unworkable. We’ll see Sherlock’s brain and heart slowly integrate, finally uniting in TFP, but for now he thinks rationality is the way forward. This also helps us to set out a framework for what happens with Mary in the EMP – clients are deduced, worked out, they present problems - never forget Mary being framed as the abominable bride – and that’s what is happening here. She is the first problem of the extended mind palace to be solved.

But this scene is metafictional too, because it gets to the core nub of Mary – as John puts it, she wasn’t supposed to be like that. And, canonically, he’s right. If we follow acd!canon, Mary is not meant to be an assassin, but more importantly for HLV, she’s also supposed to save her husband. She’s meant to be all-out devoted shoot-Magnussen type – but instead she shoots Sherlock. When John says that, then, it’s not just a nod to an updated show – it’s a genuine problem that Sherlock has to contend with, because in neither acd!Mary scenario nor housemaid!Mary scenario is she obeying the framework of a woman who loves her husband. This failing marriage is not in the stories, it’s not supposed to happen, and things that come outside of established canon come outside of Sherlock’s pre-programmed mould – we can think of this as a way of thinking about our own childhood programming to be straight/cis/etc., but in a more self-conscious, literary way!

And then, Sherlock’s response: you chose her. That’s why she’s different, and this is actually a vital line. It suggests that the programmed canon that we know these boys follow, because they have to – that’s not what this show is about. Our characters are agents, and for the first time in history, their lives are dictated by free choice. John chose this Mary, not the Mary of canon – and Sherlock himself makes explicit the comparison between John choosing Mary and John choosing Sherlock. The heart of the story is the choices that can be made for the first time. How incredibly exciting.

The ambulance people coming into Baker Street (seemingly without the door being unlocked?) is, I think, the real world blending with the mind palace world here – although not paramedics, there are people currently trying to restart Sherlock’s heart, and this scene shows us that he’s trying hard inside his brain, he’s working with them – he really doesn’t want to die. The idea of the outside world taking on a physical form in his MP is not incredibly hard to believe – I really recommend watching s02e02 of Inside No. 9, written by Mark Gatiss’s League of Gentlemen co-stars Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton, an episode which pulls this off marvellously, although with a big cn: for death. In this moment in Sherlock, we get the lovely lines

Sherlock She saved my life.

John She shot you.

Sherlock Eh – mixed messages, I grant you.

These lines are delivered so quickly between the two of them that it feels like Sherlock is talking to himself, like Mary isn’t even in the room. The way BC delivers ‘mixed messages’ – it’s as though there’s still a problem, bbc!Mary hasn’t been reconciled to good!Mary yet.

The next section on our whistle-stop tour is Christmas with Mummy and Daddy. Plenty of people have pointed out how Mummy and Daddy are very clear mirrors for our boys – you can see here X, or you can just look at this picture to be honest.

The Christmas scene doesn’t make sense in the timeline – there's a great timeline diagram here X that shows how much fuckier than any other episode HLV is (excluding TSoT and everything post s3), and that doesn’t even take into account all of the jumping between scenes that we see in the Christmas bit. Jumping from Leinster Gardens to Christmas to Baker Street and back several times is chronologically odd and doesn’t seem to serve a purpose, except to show that the rift between John and Mary has lasted for months – and even that didn’t need such a complex interweaving of flashbacks that is so at odds with the show. It’s also at odds with the plot – why on earth did Mummy and Daddy invite John for Christmas, if he’s no longer living with Sherlock, and even stranger, why did they invite Mary if John and Mary haven’t been on speaking terms for months? This isn’t the way human beings behave. There’s also an old adage in writing which says to never move a conversation to a new place – it’s a waste of time and space. Have the conversation here, or have it there. Don’t abort it for no reason – and that’s exactly what they do here. Mofftiss are pretty experienced, and I’m inclined to believe that they’ve done it for a reason.

So, in MP terms, why does Sherlock gravitate towards his family home instead of Baker Street as the location to unravel John’s relationship with Mary? Bearing in mind that this is a continuation of the interrogation of their relationship, it seems interesting that he chooses to juxtapose them to the only loving couple we see in this television programme. Like a lot of parallels in EMP, this is something that our dads choose to draw our attention to; Daddy says to Mary “you’re the sane one”, as though every happy relationship has a sane one and a mad genius. And they draw attention to it again – Mary points out that Sherlock brought them here to see a fine example of happily married life.

Except, of course, like so much of this interrogation of John and Mary’s relationship in HLV and onwards, this doesn’t quite ring true. Because, of course, there is no mad genius in the Watsons’ relationship, and in terms of sanity Mary is certainly not the sane one. It’s like Sherlock is trying to fit them into the domestic bliss mould, but they just won’t quite go there. The comparison won’t quite be made.

The conversation between Sherlock and Mycroft, who has been established as his brain in TSoT (I cannot find this meta! Where Mycroft is brain and John is heart! Can anyone help?), is pretty straightforward – the brain is interrogating Sherlock’s obsession with the Magnussen case and why he can’t just let it go, and the emotion we see here from Sherlock is more powerful than pretty much anything we get in real life. I actually think this scene is one of the most vulnerable moments he has in the show – and there’s no way that vulnerability would be to Mycroft in real life. There’s also, crucially, no reason why MI6 should actually want Sherlock dead this early. It’s another tell-tale sign that the surface plot doesn’t make sense – we should be looking deeper. Sherlock has just brought down a terrorist network – MI6 should love him. What Mycroft is actually putting forward is that already, way before Sherlock kills Magnussen, pretty much as soon as he enters EMP this is a two-way fork. He can choose to die at any point. But he doesn’t.

There’s something that I really don’t understand here, though, which I think is important – Sherlock drugging the family with the help of Wiggins. This motif of drugging is something which comes back time and again to represent Sherlock’s repression – but here he’s not drugged. Wiggins is also a symbol of repression, but again he’s completely sober. Any thoughts on this would be much appreciated – I don’t like loose ends, and I don’t believe that another use of drugs is insignificant!

Then we have a quick flashback to the canteen scene. A lot of EMP theory has drawn on the canteen scene, and how phenomenally dreamlike the entire situation is. There is no way this can take place in Speedy’s – in terms of the timeline, it can’t even take place in the hospital canteen! However, it seems to draw on a mental image of Speedy’s because of the visual similarities between them (referenced in this meta, although this meta makes the argument for the reality of the scene X). Magnussen doesn’t seem to even have a bruise, despite being battered by Mary’s gun. This scene cannot exist. Magnussen picking at Sherlock’s food has often been seen as a metaphor for Sherlock being sexually assaulted whilst comatose, which is something I buy into – the food=sex metaphor has been striking from the beginning, and it suits Magnussen’s power play. It’s also quite possible in this scene that Sherlock thinks that everything fucky is real, and the absolute fuckiness of this scene draws it out – this is the scene that foreshadows the realisation that Magnussen is working from his MP, and of course that’s a realisation that Sherlock needs to make himself. The scene opens with a moment of dislocation – is this the hospital canteen or not? – and is about Sherlock working out what’s happening to him.

What’s really striking is that John has brought his gun to Christmas lunch, however. Bear in mind John-being-suicidal is the realisation that Sherlock is going to come to in TLD, but it’s prefigured here. We haven’t seen John’s gun since ASiP, when it was used to indicate that he was suicidal. It’s suddenly come back, but Sherlock misses its significance – he expects John to have it, but he doesn’t focus on the significance of the gun itself. He’s still thinking in terms of Mary and Magnussen. What’s significant is that John throws him the coat, which has the gun weighing down in its pocket. This prefigures that scene in TLD -

Faith!Eurus, who is a mirror for John in TLD, is thrown the bag, and we see Sherlock weigh it and then realise there’s a gun in it – too late. A bag is the female equivalent of a coat (*cries about pockets*) and the throwing motif with the heavy gun inside it is a clear link between the two moments. Sherlock didn’t recognise the significance of the gun in the first one, possibly because he couldn’t process the situation without mirrors (more on the importance of Eurus as a series of heterosexual mirrors later). When he realises in TLD that he’s made a mistake, that there’s something he’s missed, the implication isn’t that he’s missed it in his analysis of Faith!Eurus, because in no sense of the word does Faith!Eurus exist. What it means is that he missed it in his first, cursory analysis of John. Not the heaviness, but exactly what it meant. The symbols of John’s suicidal ideation start to appear and threaten to break in right up until the end of TLD – this is arguably the first point we start to see them.

Hypothesis theory – that Sherlock is running simulations in his MP – is not something I hold with through all of EMP, but I do hold with it to the end of HLV. It’s something that we know Sherlock does in real life because of THoB, both in acd!canon and in bbc!canon – he stages something in order to prove it to himself. In this case, he’s not able to see the war between Mary and Magnussen play out, so he’s running it himself, and we’ve already seen him desperately trying to prove Mary’s innocence, and more than that her love for John. But this trip to Appledore will prove that impossible.

It’s possible that the Appledore Vaults being Magnussen’s MP is the first time that Sherlock recognises that this is a simulation, and that this isn’t real. He certainly looks incredibly distressed, although that could also be because of the immense danger he’s put John in. However, the vaults being a mind palace doesn’t make sense as surface plot, as so many have pointed out – we’ve literally seen the letters before. (I grant that Magnussen could be bluffing, but it seems odd to draw attention to the letters having a physical form nevertheless.) However, the fact that Magnussen’s MP is in vaults underground is really interesting – imagery to do with going deeper and deeper into Sherlock’s mind is pretty much always falling or sinking, as seen in both TAB and TST in particular. That idea of descending into one’s mind is prefigured very neatly here, and should get us thinking about height generally (I’ve talked about the reverse side of this in the previous chapter X). I also think, although am not an expert on sound, that we can hear a slight eerie dripping when Magnussen walks through the vaults, which ties thematically to the water that is linked to falling/sinking in the rest of the EMP.

Fast forward past the face-flicking, and Sherlock shoots Magnussen. This is the culmination of the metafictionality of the episode, and I think it’s really fantastic. The simulation that Sherlock has run to prove that Mary loves John has failed, because the only way to save John is to kill Magnussen and he’s the only one who can do it – so in short, Sherlock becomes the housemaid, not Mary. He takes on the role, and it breaks canon completely. He’s supposed to be above that, disinterested – but instead he becomes the woman who kills out of love for her husband. He is no longer filling the traditional role of Sherlock Holmes in the narrative. He has disproven the point he needed to make – and so, as brain!Mycroft seems to suggest, deeper waters still. The cut to little Louis Moffat screaming in the firing line instead of BC is another hint that this isn’t real – we might just about accept it here as showing Sherlock’s vulnerability, but given that the entirety of series 4 is about childhood trauma coming back up, the resurgence of a screaming child of Sherlock as he recognises his new place in the narrative is brutal. (Yes, Sherlock has a lot of gay trauma – we’ll find out more when we meet Eurus.)

Eurus, incidentally, comes up here – you know what happened to the other one. I want to home in, though, on Mycroft’s line about Sherlock, that there’s no prison that he could be incarcerated in. This is a bizarre comment, given the events of TFP – it could just be sloppy writing, sure. Or, again, these inconsistencies are pointing to something else, that Sherrinford isn’t a real place and that Sherlock’s death sentence is not a sentence, but self-imposed.

So much has been said, so eloquently, about the tarmac scene, that I don’t know that there’s much more that I can say. The importance of the plane as being Sherlock going to his death is really important as an image that will repeat later – again, see previous chapter X. I’ve also pointed out that there is no point at which Sherlock is told Moriarty is back, yet he seems to know it automatically – another suggestion that this is EMP, and there’s a lot more going on.

The final thing I want to focus on in this episode, though, is the east wind. The east wind is referenced in His Last Bow, which gets very little coverage generally in HLV. His Last Bow is (I believe) the final Holmes story, and the east wind that is coming refers to WW1 – Holmes tells Watson that there is an east wind coming and Watson thinks he means it’s cold, and Holmes laughs and jokes that Watson is a stalwart who will always be there. This is a touching moment to end the stories on, and might remind us of the It is always 1895 poem that will become so important in TAB. Except, this time, John accepts that there’s an east wind coming – he references it repeatedly, actually, as a threat, both here and in TFP. The east wind is the wind of change that comes through the changing years in acd!canon. This seems particularly important here – the social changes between 1895 and 2014 are vital for the next episode, highlighting the idea that the update of the show is a really central part to it. There’s no world war ahead of Holmes (please God @2020) so the wind of change must be referring to something else… I really couldn’t possibly comment as to why the change of time period might be so important!

This chapter has been a long one, but I hoped it help to set up EMP theory on firm foundations. We’ll move into TAB next – see you there!

#tjlc #thewatsonbeekeepers #meta #mine #my meta #chapter three: death cannot stop true love... #hlv #bbc sherlock #johnlock #bbc johnlock #mofftiss #acd #gosh i was rereading this chapter and boy am i proud of it #metatextuality is my fave thing #what a sexy episode this is

[johnny-and-dora]

safe from the world, though the world may try

71. “...you wanna build a blanket fort?” requested by @stars-my-darling in which amy experiences a cornerstone of the offical jake peralta boyfriend experience. (early relationship, around 3x04)

read on ao3  -

Amy Santiago is having a bad day.

It’s bad enough that the Vulture is so awful and grossly misogynistic that he’s making her & Rosa plan his birthday party – what’s worse is that she’s actually committed to the task, unable to disobey her captain’s orders in a way that sends self-loathing flooding through her system. She misses Holt, she misses working actual cases – she even almost misses Gina insulting her pantsuits and shredding important papers.

That’s not what’s really bothering her, though. It’s bad enough that she’s exhausted from the end of an insanely dull work week, but it’s worse that she’s barely seen her sweet, adorable, dorky boyfriend at all despite sharing a desk with him. She sighs, rubbing her temples, barely able to muster up the energy to tidy her coat, shoes and bag away as she flops onto her couch.

She can’t fix the Vulture being their captain, and she can’t fix Holt leaving. But at least there’s something she can do about the other major grievance currently darkening her otherwise rosy life.

To: Jake Peralta, 19:47 Can you come over?

From: Jake Peralta, 19:49 omw, be there in 15 everything okay?? xxx

She tries not to overthink the kisses – really, it’s just three characters, and knowing Jake it could just be a typo – but still, it stutters in her weary heart, affecting enough to invite a gentle sincerity into her answer.

To: Jake Peralta, 19:50 Just tired and stressed out And I really want to see you X

They’re still walking the wire in some ways; it’s still relatively early in their romantic relationship, and while they’re both all in (light and breezy now a distant memory), Amy’s always tended to overthink, intent on crafting the perfect text message as if each interaction is something she can win. This time, however, she presses send before she can even double check for grammatical errors - and already feels lighter when she instantly receives a long string of heart emojis in response.

***

She’s pleasantly surprised when she hears an elaborate rap on her door only twelve minutes later. Amy sinks into him almost as soon as he’s through the threshold, arms instinctively wrapping around her in a warm bear hug.

“Hi,” He says softly, pulling away only so they can go cuddle on the couch together, Amy laying her head on his shoulder “What’s up?”

“Nothing, really. Or nothing new, I’m just so sick of the Vulture. Can you believe he wants me and Rosa to plan his birthday party?” Jake pulls a face, groaning in sympathy.

“That’s so gross.”

“I know. I just miss Holt, and I feel like I haven’t seen you all week and everything just kinda sucks when I don’t see you.” She buries her frown into his hoodie for a moment and is confused when she feels him pulling away.

“Okay.” Jake stands up and clasps his hands together, eyes alight in that way when he’s set on something and won’t stop until he gets it. Amy’s spent years fearing that look. “We’re building a blanket fort.”

“We’re…what?”

“Building a blanket fort. C’mon.”

“So, just to be clear, we’re both starving, exhausted adults in our thirties who haven’t seen each other all week and your solution…is to build a blanket fort.”

“Just trust me. Please, Ames?” He pouts, and any irritation instantly falls to the wayside, her reluctance to create an unnecessary mess in her perfectly organised living room easing with a wave of affection for her boyfriend. She sighs but decides to relent.

“I’ll get the comforter.”

It’s almost immediately worth it for the way he cheers, fist-pumping like he just scored the winning try at the Superbowl.

Jake kicks on some cheesy 80’s pop playlist blasting tinny and crackling from his phone and they get to work, Amy emptying her catalogue of sheets, pillows, quilts and blankets into her arms and on to the floor. She quickly loses herself in the task before her, dragging chairs from her dining table to form a sturdy framework, arranging pillows like a goddamn champion inside.

There’s one moment where she gets really excited about lighting, rushing to the back of her closet to grab her Christmas lights – when she next catches Jake’s eye, he’s looking at her with an unabashed fondness that never fails to spread warmth through her whole body.

As with everything else they do together, they make a great team, and they’re done before Jake can make it through the second verse of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. He beams at her as they step back to admire their handiwork - even she has to admit that it’s a damn good blanket fort, the lights she strung up adding a perfect homely touch.

She’s still curious as to why this is how they’re spending their evening together as they crawl inside, Jake instantly cocooning himself in her favourite fleece blanket. She absentmindedly makes a note to sleep with that one next time they spend a night apart, then cringes at how clingy she’s already become.

“So, pretty cosy, huh. Do you like it?”

“Yeah. I do. I just…why a blanket fort?” She asks, watching him earnestly as he distractedly plays with the strings of his hoodie, trying to form his answer.

“This is what my Nana would do with me when I was scared or stressed out or sad, about my dad or whatever. Gina too, sometimes, if I let her paint my toenails and choose the movie.” Amy smiles at an image of a young Jake and Gina giggling at a sleepover, throwing candy at each other and sharing scandalous gossip.

“I know it’s kinda silly, but…I don’t know. It always helped me, hanging out someplace safe and warm where the rest of the world couldn’t get to you for a little while. So, I thought it might help you too.” He gently nudges his shoulder with hers, a boyish grin lighting up his face. His honesty and simple sweetness send a quiet thrill through her, stomach fluttering with butterflies instead of anxiety.

“It does.” She admits, smiling softly as she reaches up to cup his face, thumbing over the stubble on his jawline. “Thank you, you’re the best.”

She wants to say more, but she doesn’t know quite how to articulate how at home he already is in her heart. So instead, she kisses him, gentle and honey-sweet. For a moment, it’s as if they’re the only two people in the world and she revels in the intimacy she’s been craving all day, deepening the kiss and touching her forehead to his before her eyes dare flutter open again.

“You’re so welcome.” He grins. “I didn’t know you’d be such a pro, though. The structural integrity of this thing is off the charts. It could probably survive an earthquake.”

Amy glows at the sincerity of his compliment. The more she thinks about it, the more she realises that he’s right – she feels safe, in here, wrapped up in blankets with her favourite person in the entire world.

She always feels safe when she’s with Jake – not the dull, boring safe she was with Teddy, or really any of her long-term relationships before him. Instead, it’s a safety, a certainty, a trust that makes her even more willing to leap without looking back.

“Oh, for the record, everything sucks for me too when I don’t get to see you. You just make everything better.” He gestures loosely, sharpening her focus back to the present – she kisses him again, revelling in the perfect tiny blanket paradise they’ve made.

And just when she thought she couldn’t feel more content, Amy catches him tapping “polish takeaway brooklyn” into his phone and beams, pressing a feather-light kiss to his cheek.

This isn’t how she expected dating Jake Peralta to be, and yet now she wonders why. He’s probably the only person who’d think to calm her down by building her a fort, and yet he’s the only person who knows her well enough to be certain that it would work. It’s a solution so simple and effective and completely and utterly Jake, and she makes sure to show him just how much she loves that while they wait for their food to arrive.

The delivery guy knocks on the door not long into their make-out session – Amy is delighted to find she’s not the least bit embarrassed as she hastily thanks him, although she does make sure to tip him a little extra. They chat and laugh together in-between mouthfuls and lay back on the pillows when they’re done, Jake idly and soothingly playing with her hair as she rants.

“Hey, Ames?” He says in a sing-song, playful tone after they’ve slipped into a few moments of comfortable silence.

“Hmm?”

“What are your thoughts vis-à-vis blanket fort sexy times? For or against? Because I think I could make a pretty great case for- “

She smothers his argument with her lips, a neat new trick she’s still very much enjoying – and it’s a true mark of her adept construction skills that when they're done the fort still remains wholly intact.

#b99 #b99 fic #peraltiago #jake x amy #brooklyn 99 #my writing #yeah this is happening. new collection of prompts babey #shut up sian

[nomolosk]

Snapshots (AU Yeah August 2020)

read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25655623/chapters/62678428

Day 9- University

Gabriel looked up as his atelier melted away until he was standing in the center of the Dean’s office at ESMOD. He recognized the office, it was even decorated the same as when he had attended- which likely meant the akuma- he had named her Universal- was taking the easy way and creating her landscape from the memories and imaginings of the people affected. Given the setting, she had probably thrust everyone in Paris into some kind of University life. Apparently, he was to be the stern and forbidding Dean whom all the students feared.

He sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. He hadn’t really counted on this akuma being so… quiet. It had been nearly two full days already and there was still no indication that Ladybug or Chat Noir had caught on that something was going on. Of course, that was probably due to the powerset he’d given her- the ability to rewrite the memories of everyone affected to reflect their current reality. Ladybug and Chat Noir couldn’t spend all their time transformed, just as he couldn’t. In fact, he was counting on that a little, since her given task was to try and discover who they were in their normal everyday lives if possible.

In a way it was a personal victory- he’d finally hit on something that could trip them up… if only they would betray themselves. Sighing again, he went in search of Nathalie. He’d made them both immune to the akuma’s memory-changing power, so both of them remembered everything so far, including the rather odd transformation of his own powers during that elemental-magic setting. Not that he had complained at the time- it had made it possible for an additional attack to occur while his original akuma was still in play.

Yes, Universal was having a great time, but perhaps it was time for Mayura to come out to play and tempt the young heroes out into the open again. Perhaps Universal would catch the power surge when they transformed. Adrien was tucked safely away at that Small Business Convention- which had probably been transformed into a Student Union, or something similar. Yes. He’d be having the time of his life, and he’d be safe from the coming fight.

----

One moment Nathalie was scheduling phone calls with suppliers and meetings with Gabriel’s design team, and the next she found herself in an office she didn’t recognize, staring at a distraught young man as he sobbed to her about how he’d been framed, and it hadn’t really been him that was caught sabotaging someone else’s project.

It was times like this that Nathalie cursed Hawkmoth. Sure, he’d assured her that he and she were both protected from the mind-bending powers of his latest akuma, but that also meant that she currently had no clue what her current role was. She fell back on professional coldness. The fact that this individual was in an office that was hers, begging for mercy and trying to shift blame onto someone- anyone- else, meant that she was likely either the enforcer of rules, or the precursor to the enforcer of rules. So… not all that different from her actual real life job, though she was thankfully no longer so involved in Adrien’s schedule.

She glanced down at her desk, hoping to see a report on a tablet, or even a stack of papers with the complaint to review. She was in luck. No tablet, but there were three pages and the topmost was a single sheet detailing the complaint and the evidence against the young man in front of her. An eyebrow twitched when among the evidence listed was “security video footage.” The recommendation at the bottom of the page was to kick it up to the Dean. Also helpfully listed was the name of the individual.

“I’ve heard enough,” she finally said, in her usual expressionless voice. “There is plenty of evidence against you Mr. Virago. I’m saddened that once again ambition, or perhaps envy or spite, has misled someone talented enough to gain entry to this institution into ruining their chances. However, integrity is something we demand from all our students. You should expect a meeting with the Dean, although given what is listed here, it’s quite possible he’ll merely review the evidence and come to a conclusion in your absence.”

If the Dean were Gabriel Agreste, he certainly would, but unfortunately the Dean’s name wasn’t listed. Naturally, Nathalie would be expected to already know it. Mr. Virago collapsed into incoherent tears, and Nathalie grimaced in distaste. Artists were so very temperamental. Well, except for Gabriel. And even he has his moments, she thought, remembering quite a few overheard villain monologues, not to mention his sudden and inexplicable need to compose a rap song of all things to serve as his own personal theme a few months ago. 

Nathalie sighed and pushed the button on her old-fashioned office phone that was the most likely candidate for an intercom. “Please have security come and escort Mr. Virago out, thank you,” she said to the person on the other end.

A few moments later, there was a knock on her office door, and two uniformed women escorted the limp and cooperative (likely former) student out of her presence. A moment later there was another knock, and Gabriel walked in.

“I’m the Dean, who are you?” he asked, with no preamble whatsoever, but Nathalie was used to that. Except in moments of extreme stress or worry, Gabriel was nothing if not to the point.

“Someone just under the Dean, I believe. That young man you saw exiting a moment ago won’t be a student here for much longer if the evidence against him holds up.”

“That’s assuming he was ever a student here in the first place, and Universal didn’t make up a scenario he is being forced to play out, or simply transfer his misconduct from one place to another. Perhaps he always dreamed of being a student here, yet his life went another direction.”

Nathalie rubbed her temples. “This akuma is giving me a headache.”

“Don’t think about it too much, then. His life is his own, and unless Universal grants me another universe in which I’m able to create another akuma apart from her, his current mental anguish is irrelevant.”

A small voice in the back of Nathalie’s mind whispered traitorously: when did Gabriel become so cold? Surely he used to care more about the feelings of others… now he seems to see them as nothing more than opportunities to exploit.

“Of course, sir.”

“Meanwhile, since the heroes have yet to show themselves, perhaps Mayura ought to make an appearance.”

That brought a malicious smile to her face. Since Gabriel had succeeded in repairing the peacock miraculous a few years ago, her pulmonary issues had almost cleared up, and she was much stronger and faster in a fight. Of course, it seemed Ladybug and Chat Noir had finally reached whatever threshold it had been that kept them from using their powers more than once before being forced out of their transformations, and as a result they were also much more formidable opponents. Privately, Nathalie was starting to wonder if they would ever reach their ultimate goal, but she enjoyed being Mayura and flying about the city. As Mayura she could take out some of her frustrations with a reasonable assumption that they would be just fine in the end. She was loathe to give that up.

“I’ll have to check my schedule as soon as I can find it,” she said, “but I’m sure I can find some spare time somewhere. Will you be doing any designing while we’re stuck here?”

“No, it would be pointless. My own schedule is packed with meetings, or so my secretary- who is not nearly as competent as you- tells me. I had to beg for the few minutes it would take to walk from my office to yours as it is.”

“Then you should get going. Oh, by the by… have you run into anyone you recognize yet?”

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “No one, but the day is young.”

Nathalie returned the smirk. “It seems my current score stands, then.”

“I never agreed to this, you know.”

“And yet, you were so triumphant yesterday when you briefly surpassed my score.”

“You sound like you think this little wager of yours is going to change things.”

“I know you still miss Emilie,” Nathalie said, her tone softening. “But you really need to get out more, and not just as a hologram. You weren’t there all those years when Adrien’s expression would go flat every time you refused to show up for some event. And now that he is grown and out of the house, he is more distant than ever. If you don’t want to lose him entirely, something needs to change.”

Gabriel sighed. “Yes, but… oh, if only I could be as self-centered as Audrey Bourgeois, and simply attempt to fire anyone who annoys me.”

“Everyone feels that way, Gabriel,” Nathalie stated firmly. “Consider the fact that most of the people you meet are feeling exactly the same way you are… and strive to treat them with the same consideration and respect you would demand for yourself.”

Gabriel made a skeptical noise. “If you say so. But it does seem pointless to bother at this point when we’re so close.” He sighed. “I really must get back. Try to inform me of when you’re going out, please?”

“Of course sir,” Nathalie said, and started pulling out the drawers of her desk looking for a schedule even as he left the room.

@auyeahaugust

#mlauyeahaugust #auyeah2020 #miraculous ladybug fanfiction #university au #gabriel agreste #nathalie sancoeur #different povs??

[sagittariusboyfriend]

im gonna do a "how i see the signs" as well!!

traditionally masculine aries: a force of creativity. oftentimes politically correct. very friendly and easy to talk to, but will shift in temper and energy depending on whether or not he is in focus. musically inclined.

traditionally feminine aries: also a force of creativity. a kind of jittery energy that cant really be contained. might go up and down in volume a lot depending on social context but is always bursting to have a conversation. very awake and with fire in her eyes. openminded and wouldnt hurt a fly. artistically inclined.

trad. masc taurus: ugh horrible. forcefully straight forward, blunt in an unsensitive way, not that good at picking up on social cues because he is convinced of his reality. might be pompous and pretentious, even bitter. the flip side of venusian traits - pretty uncharming. snarky. way better at group/professional relationships than personal relationships. assertive in the workplace and is doing his job better than anyone else could.

trad. fem taurus: intelligent and an intellectual. sensual, assertive, has such a presence that people are in awe most of the time. might be pretentious but its actually genuine and doesnt come off as a negative trait. powerful.

trad. masc gemini: ahh gemini. witty, quick, reactive. genuine, but in short bursts. his intuition is based upon HOW he feels at any given moment, however he has no clue WHAT he feels. scared of emotions. might have a tendency to gaslight. obviously prone to communication and loves learning from history, but has a hard time seeing the bigger picture over the details. small things make or break him... for a week or so. then its forgotten, until something stirs it up 6 months later, and his emotions are all over the place; its like they get tossed up in the air and love might stick to the ceiling and pride to the wall and fear to that person over there and he has no idea where to start to assemble. charmingly childish, prone to grumpyness. social artisan regardless of controversial values or not. needs constant intellectual stimuli.

trad. fem gemini: does not need romantic relationships to feel like a complete person! prefers friendships over love relationships, and can usually pick and choose between lovers if on a romantic whim. not always even interested in shacking up with anyone, makes a happy independent single household. that "fun" friend. self-confident, quick, witty, might have a sharp tongue. absolutely excels in social situations and knows everyone in one way or another, and everyone knows of her in one way or another. prone to ghosting people for weeks because she simply forgets to respond. loses focus easily. probably works in sales. might come across as not so complex to other people.

trad. masc cancer: sweet, charming in a wholesome way. in tune with himself. intuitive and embraces and encourages talking about feelings. oftentimes very politically correct. might live somewhat of a fake life in the sense that he IS a family man, but cant help himself from wanting dirty, promiscuous sex for many hours with many random people. giving and generous - in every sense. probably does a lot of philantrophy or volonteers.

trad. fem cancer: reserved. exudes feminine energy, almost to a point that she is not comfortable with herself. very very sweet, just wants everyone to be okay. will disappear and reappear in social circles and no one will know where she has been, but theres an air of mystery to it and no one dares to ask. might be some kind of red preistess lol.

trad. masc leo: loyal, as long as he doesnt feel in the slightest that he has been made a fool of. very strong integrity, but an integrity that is based on image. easily approached, the nicest person in the room and will include and respect everyone. generous and genuinely loves anyone who does not come off as harmful, and will give you his last money if he feels you need it more. works hard to feel safe. creative in what he thinks is a funky way, but its actually pretty mainstream.

trad. fem leo: also honest, hard-working and loyal. integrity is also important. creative in traditionally artistic ways, like photography or drawing. has a natural authority but is the sweetest person and will NOT abuse it. very passionate about peoples equal value, doesnt really have a flare for drama at all, just wants to be stimulated. when she loves she loves with every fiber of her being and being affirmed by her partner is imperative to self-worth.

trad. masc virgo: retains information like a motherfucker! man, what a chattery bloke. an earth sign ruled by mercury makes the most, i think, well-rounded PR personality. gemini can frick off when it comes to arguments because trad. masc virgo WILL shut you down. he serves facts and will probably be a tad manipulative about it, but will also admit to it. doesnt really wait to run you over or quip back, and then just stares at you blankly as if he is waiting for a response. witty and warm like a sun to his closest, will make jabs and is cold like granite to people he doesnt like. might however have some ego issues.

trad. fem virgo: pretty much exactly like trad. masc virgo, only retains a certain jovial energy and a strong sense of nurturing and dicipline. very funny! authoritarian.

trad. masc libra: might come across as very calm and even meek at times. everyone likes him, no one dislikes him, but he isnt a big personality. nice and sweet and always positive. comfortable in the background as the glue that keeps groups together. not very verbally communicative, but ingenious when he channels his communication through music or art. wants to be appreciated and very much is. pretty private, but everyones friend.

trad. fem libra: full of the good venusian traits. loves love, loves good food, loves yoga, loves pampering herself and others. the best hostess you have ever met. has a hard time deciding on things and will make herself suffer through qualms and trials for days for something that, for anyone else, could have been decided within a couple of minutes. somewhat of a perfectionist. spiritual. gets along with everyone. very into female impowerment.

trad. masc scorpio: kind of rude, but smart. he doesnt know where it comes from, but his subconscious intuition oftentimes leads him to hidden truths, whether they are pleasant or not. might be the jealous type. can just trust his gut and will know exactly what is going on behind closed doors. intelligent in a very abstract way. might come across as always ready to strike just in case someone thinks they are better than him in any way.

trad. fem scorpio: does not show emotion easily. is very intelligent and knows how to lead a conversation where she wants it. inquisitive, literally opens her entire mind for you when you sit down one-on-one. not for anyone to enter, but for her to use ON you, and will analyze your behaviors to the core and dig around in there. make you see things from perspectives youve never even thought about. this could be used for bad, but usually its used for your own good because insight and truth, darkness into light is what she is after. intense. low key passionate. a great person to brainstorm with. excudes sultryness, but almost like a perfume, an illusion, mostly because people become so mesmerized with her psychological skill that they immediately figure she is coming on to them. powerful socially. doesnt want nor need drama, the quest for truth just gets ruthless sometimes. loyal if you dont mess with her integrity. unlike leo, her integrity is based on conscious and subconscious intuition. not into practical things in general. does not care for high morals.

trad. masc sagittarius: good at everything on the first try but gets bored easily, even depressed when forced into routine. diplomacy is important, so is personal freedom. a charismatic positive personality that shines bright and has an almost gravitational pull because of it. wants to be valued for his brain and generosity of free, non-traditional love and insight. learning is everything. the bigger picture is everything; abstract concepts that you can translate and cross-reference to different doctrines and schools and philosophies. on an eternal quest for knowledge in all situations, be it emotional or practical. "why do things work like this?" he asks and is genuinely excited to hear your and everyone elses reasoning. his goal in life is to get to know himself through others and to find firey partners to come along for the ride and share the fun. loathes drama, wants everyone to be accepting. optimistic. might be the guy many fall in love with but who is completely oblivious to it because he has his mind set on other things.

trad. fem sagittarius: very much like trad. masc sagittarius. also fierce, takes no shit, the life of the party, everyones instant friend and a BIG personality. equality is very important!

trad. masc capricorn: attractive, cold, sexual. on the grind, because everything works against him either way so he might as well work hard and overcome. dry humor and a smug smile, vicious eyes. but tender and fragile once you get to know him. so used to being the underdog in his own head that he hasnt realized everyone sees him as the leader. doesnt realize people follow him. doesnt care. is just and stern. is not afraid of delivering harsh truths, can shut you down with a look.

trad. fem capricorn: leads with silence. not because of shyness at all, its just a demeanor that comes naturally. although may have been shy when young, simply because of society. exudes power, unknowingly or knowlingly. intimidating and stylish as fuck. eloquent. uniformity is a keyword for everything. has learnt the hard way. hilarious dark humor. prefers respect to spectacle. is a force to be reckoned with and gains pretty much everyones respect.

trad. masc aquarius: might have a hard time deciding about personal freedom, what is and what isnt. contemplative, insightful, the least traditional of traditional men. high EQ, might prefer polyamorous relationships, almost lacks jealousy. tall and slender. very much capable of seeing through all points of view and will speak rationally. rarely gets heated in discussion because he just doesnt see the point in being reactive.

trad. fem aquarius: a higher being. high octave intuition; the person with the highest EQ youve ever met in your life. new insights with every breath. does NOT care for tradition, usually only indulges in the bare minimum of tradition to move about unnoticed in society as the penultimate alien being they are. she has an entirely different kind of mind that seems so complex and effortless at the same time, and her knowledge and ingenuity could change the world - if it was only ready for it. finds solutions to everything. altruistic. optimistic. so wise and so rebelliously young at the same time. manages to care for everyone and everything all the time. truly wondrous.

trad. masc pisces: an academic. a sensitive guy. highly philosophical, in its scholastic form. makes a good teacher of abstract concepts. always searching within himself first before speaking. interested in history and the human mind. constantly battles with feelings of not being good enough but always comes out as more and better than expected. probably very introvert.

trad. fem pisces: witchy. dreamy. some kind of seer. needs quite some time to process emotional impacts. has a tendency to mimick peoples traits and quirks without knowing it. very emotional, highly sensitive. very impressionable. open to and thirsty for new ways to make sense of all these emotional impacts, but might change ideologies and/or trim her sails to the current wind. conflicting subconscious emotional forces at play all the time which leads to a lot of self-doubt. not necessarily introvert, but introspective.

#astrology #how i see the signs #zodiac signs #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #obviously from my perspective and i actually know very few female geminis i realized????

[cryptoriawebb]

WonderWolf + 2, 68

Rules: Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story. 

I have been having sooo many Wonderwolf feels lately. I miss them 3 They are perfect.

2. Royalty AU and 68. Heroic sacrifice.

Honestly I think these two can be combined XD I'm going to borrow elements from the Wonder Woman movie. Diana is a princess in an isolated kingdom: everyone adores and respects her and while she’s happy she feels the pull from the wider world. She isn’t sure why as she’s never been beyond the kingdom’s boundaries but something tells her there is more awaiting her life. Cue a disheveled and battle-damaged stranger who stumbles into their land. He’s disoriented and angry and has to be subdued by several soldiers before he finally passes out. The stranger is captured and kept in a holding cell (which is actually quite clean in Themyscira) until he awakens.

While the kingdom is run by women there are men among the common people so Diana has seen them before. She’s just never seen one like this. To everyone’s surprise, the stranger’s wounds heal overnight. When questioned about this as he awakens he’s immediately on his guard and surprises everyone again - revealing what look like bone claws coming from his hands.

The man’s name is Logan and through a series of aggressive growling and accusations reveals that this “precious little kingdom” is sitting on the outskirts of a wider war. Logan was a soldier-turned-rebel and scout when his home turned on people like him. He belonged to a group for quite a while, protecting those who couldn’t protect themselves and bringing supplies when he had a chance. However recently this underground society was discovered and sent running. Some made it out, some did not. It made it all the worse when he discovered his own brother may have had a hand in this.  Racked with anger and guilt, Logan left the small group he was able to save, entrusting them to a friend (and his partner) who possessed psychic abilities. He argued with said partner before he left, insisting there was a place *somewhere* people with “powers” (that probably have a different name in this story) might be safe. 

*Logan is older than he lets on and this is why he knows this. His memories are war-torn but his instincts hold firm.

Logan’s prickly aggression turns off many of Diana’s friends and her mother’s council. However, Diana can see the pain in his eyes and tries to lobby for him. While she nearly sways her mother, she can see Hippolyta’s hesitation. Taking matters into her own hands, Diana decides she will talk to Logan herself. 

*I’m sure her mother is aware of the broader world, although people with powers were thought to have died out a long time ago. Perhaps they did for a while...

Long story short the two of them manage to reach something of a civil ground. Diana starts to see that honest side she suspected - still gruff of course but as they get to know each other the weight Logan’s situation has on him becomes clear. They don’t trust each other completely but it’s a start. It’s also the start of a spark between them, although they won’t acknowledge it.

Much like the movie, Diana and Logan eventually sneak out of the kingdom together. They are given chase by her mother’s soldiers and there is a scuffle -- Diana even holds Logan back from attacking them. 

The journey is long and they’re left with a lot of time to talk. Logan is reluctant to talk but Diana learns how to communicate with him. He’s the sort that lets out his feelings/information through bursts of frustration and what sounds like self-loathing. Diana definitely starts to sympathize with him more--until he tries to belittle her kingdom and her people. She doesn’t agree with all of their decisions but knows there’s a reason for them. It’s very possible she and Logan get into a brief fight because of it. He probably starts it. You know it ends with her pinning him to either the ground or a tree or something. The sparks return and they’re harder to ignore. Logan is impressed by her and Diana’s heart bleeds a little more. 

At some point Logan lets on that he’s older than he appears although he won’t elaborate. 

I’m not entirely sure what happens in detail after this. They definitely learn to trust each other a lot more than especially Logan intended. They also learn to work as a team. 

Logan’s home looks abandoned when they finally arrive although there are signs of recent life. Logan reaches out with his thoughts and connects with his contact (Charles.) He brings Diana to him and - after being confronted and questioned by Charles’ partner (Erik) - are filled in about what’s happened since Logan left. Diana agrees to help, although she is still personally opposed to war.  During preparations, Diana and Logan finally act on that spark

I want to say at some point this hiding place is discovered, leading to a messy fight that ends in injury and in some cases capture. Logan’s brother is a part of it. Maybe Charles is one of the captured mutants which immediately turns Erik against Logan and Diana. The group divides - some survivors side with Erik and a scant few side with Logan and Diana. Erik leaves with plans to rescue Charles himself. It’s possible this also leads to a grief and fear- fueled argument between Logan and Diana. It may even lead to a “break up.” This is instigated by Logan. 

If the two do go their separate ways then it’s possible a handful of people side with Diana over Logan. Those who do she promises to bring to Themyscira where, as princess, she’ll assure their safety. It’s actually possible Logan leaves all those people with Diana as he just can’t deal with what’s happened and blames himself for unintentionally leaving a trail his brother could follow. He of course projects this onto her even though they’re both aware of what he’s doing. 

Diana will make plans to bring the people with her back...but in the moment her heart is broken. They regroup and figure out what their first next step should be. 

I’m not sure how they reunite but they definitely do - maybe Logan ends up trying and failing to break into the prison side of the castle, ending in his capture. Maybe Diana tries to and she ends up in a similar position (which is difficult given how strong and trained she is but not impossible.) Or maybe she sends these people off and decides to rescue the captured herself. It’s possible after calming down that Logan has a similar idea and they cross paths again by chance. It would actually be pretty cool if Logan uses some of the training he’s had with Diana to avoid being captured. Ooh if Diana crosses paths with him during a fight she might step in and that would be a great way to bring them back together. They’re already riding an adrenaline high which would dampen the risk of argument. The two of them then team up to save Logan’s friends. 

There is a huge and messy battle that mimics Logan’s escape from Stryker’s Island in Origins. I’m not totally sure how it ends other than at some point there’s a fight between Logan and Victor. Diana definitely steps in with a surprise-attack and it’s kind of a symbol of their united front (as opposed to Logan’s previous outlook that his brother is his responsibility.) 

I think Logan is the one who sacrifices himself here although I’m not sure how. I don’t think it’s intentional. Probably something about staying behind while she leads the forefront although it might unfold with them starting out in the reverse position. Logan trusts Charles and another close friend of his (Ororo?) and doubles back to help Diana. I’m not sure where Erik is in all this. Maybe he was captured or comes in with backup at the end allowing Logan and Diana to stay behind; they trust Charles and Erik to help the others. 

I don’t know exactly where the sacrifice comes in but I think it would be really sweet and heartbreaking if he cupped her cheek in a brief last moment of intimacy and said something similar to what Steve did in the movie. Ohey’re going to need Diana’s protection on the way to Thymiscera: there’s no way Hippolyta will welcome this group in without her. Logan will stay behind and try to clear out the rest of the soldiers. He promises he’ll be okay even though his eyes say otherwise. They kiss - because they must kiss - then they hug and as they do Logan whispers his real name to Diana, kind of passing the secret on to her. 

Maybe in an epilogue the group is seen finally reaching Diana’s home. They’re welcomed with skepticism and hesitation but when Diana steps forward with the image of a full “Wonder Woman” (albeit altered slightly to fit the style of this AU) there’s little question as to whether or not this group is trustworthy. Integration is a very slow process but they’re given a plot of land to start building a new life. 

Diana and her mother reunite although I’m not totally sure how that conversation goes down. Diana is grieving Logan of course but she wants to honor his memory. Maybe her mother comforts her saying that a woman can be strong and still mourn. 

I kind of want to say that as time goes on and the super-powered survivors begin to thrive again Diana, Charles and Erik - and maybe Ororo too - start talking about looking for and rescuing more people like them. Maybe one day as she’s making these plans there’s a commotion within her earshot. Everyone stiffens and Diana excuses herself to investigate (Erik tries to as well but there is a strict ‘no Erik acting on aggression’ policy XD)

Lo and behold, it’s Logan. He looks a little older now, greying at the temples and with a few scars on his face and shoulders, despite only a year at most passing. As soon as he sees her he withdraws his claws. They share a moment of silence, taking each other in. Diana has come into her own and for Logan it’s breathtaking. She calls his name, his real name and the two embrace and share a kiss

#xmen #dceu #wonder woman #wolverine #diana prince #logan howlett #james howlett #logan x diana #diana x logan #inscryptions #sort of #dc #memes

[thefloatingstone]

overlordraax replied to your post: Not feeling much better after waking up. Somebody...

List your top fave fanfics. List your top fave tropes in fanfic.

Oh noooooo this is a really good one too sdjkjdhfsh

I was actually thinking of doing a fanfic Rec list tbh!! I hope you don’t mind that they’re all Undertale fics! I think I’ve read more fanfiction for this fandom than I’ve read for any other fandom I’ve ever been in. (Including MLP which is a friggen miracle if you stop to think about it)

BUT ANYWAY! Please check out these fics by some incredibly talented individuals (some of these I’ve put in lists before but w/e here it is again!)

(in literally no particular order at all)

Postcards from Waterfall

Rating: Explicit (Fic as a whole is T but occasionally has specific smut scenes which are marked for easy skipping)

Ship?: Sansby

Setting: Classic timeline

Word Count: 353 763

Ongoing

After an unremembered Genocide timeline, Sans is struggling with lingering feelings of dread. On top of this, coming to terms with his own childhood, and dealing with a lifelong recovery from a massive accident in his youth. However, things seem to slowly improve as he unexpectedly grows closer to Grillby, and feelings turn towards the romantic. But there are still things lurking in the Underground that would do them harm.

(the fic mostly focuses on Sans’ childhood trauma dealing with a apathetic Gaster, an mysterious “Accident” he can barely remember in his near-childhood, his developing feeling for Grillby, and their awkward relationship developing and reacting to situations around them. the plot is paced slowly, but I wouldn’t call it a slice-of-life story as there are larger things at play and get slowly revealed as things move forward)

Thunderstruck

Rating: T

Ship?: Reader / Underfell Papyrus

Setting: Classic Timeline with Underfell Sans and Papyrus

Word Count: 263 284

Ongoing

It’s the classic timeline, and monsters have been on the surface for almost 2 years already. In the Skeleton household though, Sans and Papyrus have acquired two tag-alongs in the form of Underfell Sans (Red) and Underfell Papyrus (Edge) who have come from a much more violent and desperate timeline with no way of going back. This wouldn’t be so bad, but a lifetime of being on constant alert and being intimidating and scary to everyone, where it once had Edge be the most respected of monsters as Captain of the Royal Guard, now sees him severely emotionally and socially crippled. Unable to make friends due to his learned behaviour of being scary and permanently angry, unable to find work because most monsters AND humans find him too hard to handle, and struggling to find his place in his own family unit, with his relationship with his own brother awkward after so many years of pretending to be “boss and henchman”, a strained relationship with Sans who does not trust him (for admittedly good reason) and with the only person he seems on good terms with being Papyrus (who also represents everything Edge could have been but have no hope of achieving).

Things change when caught in a pretty bad thunderstorm, Reader (you) finds him hiding in an alley outside your apartment. And lucky for him, you’re crazy enough to let a terrified stranger into your home until the weather improves, and even crazier, as you decide once he starts yelling, that you’d like to stay in contact with him.

The story is a slowburn Reader-insert romance, but it’s almost much more than that. Told from Edge’s perspective, it’s a recovery fic more than anything. Recovering from a lifetime of trauma, violence, learned survival behaviours, mending relationships with family, learning to fit into a world that at first seems completely incompatible with you, and finding a place in life. Lots of self reflection, sometimes self loathing, pining, confusion, frustration, brief arguments over stupid petty things, arguments over really IMPORTANT things, and a lot of tenderness, even if you’re not someone to go for Reader-insert stories, I highly recommend this one if only for the characterisation and emotional and psychological exploration, especially for Edge and his relationship to to his brother and the world at large. It definitely sold me on his character in a way I’ve never really considered.

Panic Room

Rating: M (note cw on fic)

Ship?: Nothing yet but working towards Reader/Papyrus Reader/Sans (no f//ntcest)

Setting: Swapfell

Word Count: 150 548

Ongoing

It’s been years since monsters broke the barrier, stormed into Ebott, and forcefully took over, place Toriel as the monarch and cutting the city off from the outside world. Ebott has become a dystopian dictatorship, where humans are second class citizens who can have incredible luxury depending on how useful and accommodating they are to their new monster rules, or simply be exterminated if stepping out of line. Reader (you) have been imprisoned for almost a year, living in torturous conditions, scarred from beatings and with no hope or future to even think of. But due to your spirit of Perseverance, you continue to live, to not give in to despair. One day, Swapfell Papyrus (Rus) wanders into the prison, looking to “buy” himself a human (for reasons unknown to you) and, for whatever reason, picks you.

He brings you home, has you cleaned up, healed up to the best of his ability, and then has the hurdle of trying to present you to Swapfell Sans; the Lieutenant of the Royal Guard and Alphys’ right hand man. On the verge of throwing you out, Sans allows you to stay and work as the maid in his meticulous home. A hard job, but you accept, unwilling to try your luck on the streets of Ebott. And so your new life begins with the brothers, and the longer you work there, the more you learn. You learn more about the very touchy but at his core good-hearted Rus, you learn more about the terrifying and ruthless Sans, and the sadness and desire to show kindness behind his mask, and you learn more about Ebott. About the constant servailence, the propaganda machine, the injustice, the violence, the broken system ruled by the blind and terrible queen.

You don’t know what sort of life or future is in store for you now, but it’s better than the prison (ANYTHING is better than the prison) and just at the edges of reality, where you can’t even see or notice them yet, a change is coming. Invisible and far in the distance, but slowly approaching.

Dirty Laundry

Rating: T

Ship?: Reader/Papyrus Reader/Sans (poly relationship, no f//ntcest)

Setting: Swapfell

Word Count: 49 369

Ongoing

Reader (you) have recently moved to Ebott for a change in life (it being monster central may or may not have something to do with that). It’s been a few months since monsters were freed, and many are integrating with society slowly but surely. One day, while at the laundromat, you find yourself watched by a scary but ultimately nervous and “I don’t know how to laundry!” Swapfell Papyrus.

In time, a friendship forms. He’s a really sweet guy, anxious but eager to please. It would all be very cute if not for the fact that his asshole brother doesn’t seem very pleased with you (or anybody?) “worming their way” into his baby brother’s life. Nevermind that their therapist said they needed time apart! Nevermind that Papyrus has asked him for some space! He’s going to make sure his little brother is safe! Just as he always had.

Besides... if he doesn’t, what else is there for him to do? Leave Papyrus alone? Leave both of you alone? Accept that Papyrus doesn’t need him any more? May not even want him any more?

...would that make him happier?

Fired Up and Bone Weary (Series)

Rating: G - T

Ship?: Sansby

Setting: Classic Timeline

Word Count: various

Complete

A collection of short stories and oneshots, documenting the everyday life and events in Sans, Grillby and Papyrus’ lives, starting underground and early dating, and working its way to surface life and marriage. Mostly just fluffy, slice of life settings, only now and then undercut by misfortune or drama. Dealing with Grillby’s complicated family, trying to manage Sans’ fluctuating depression, and Papyrus’ role and desire for a family. Most of it is just small, everyday happiness though. And the fear that at any moment all of it could disappear with a reset is (most of the time) not thought about.

(I haven’t finished the series myself just yet. I got stuck on the third last story in the series, the one with the most chapters, due to personal reasons. I do plan to finish it at a later date, but at this point in time it hit a little too close to home. I still recommend all of it whole-heartedly, as I doubt other people will react to it the way I did.)

There are also a few oneshots as well as fics I’ve mentioned before (like SSLL for instance which I STILL love and you guys should STILL read!!) but these are the main ones I’m reading/have read at the moment!

If you guys want I can make a list of oneshots too. Just let me know 8′D I also didn’t include people’s tumblr names just in case they didn’t want it spread around for any particular reason, and I didn’t include more than one fanfic per author, I may add some of their other work in another post at some point. But I wanted to give each author equal exposure in this post.

Anyway! Hopefully you guys consider any (although you really should read ALL) of these fics! And give the authors comments and kudos!

#fanfic rec #Fanfic #Fanfiction #recommendations #C-Puff replies #overlordraax