#So I don't have much memory of the process

[mochinomnoms]

I just thought of how chaotic bodyswapping with either of the leeches would be. Especially in PTM. We have Riddle swapping with Floyd which makes Riddles dorm confused and slighty scared with such a chaotic Riddle then a Floyd trying to calm him down and trying to still manage the dorm as best as he can. Then we have … Jade. I feel like he would seem pretty normal for the most part maybe mimicing Yuu as best as he can or just being very formal and polite. Nothing for Yuu to worry about until Jade figures that thus is a perfect oppurtunity to explore the human body and what better body then his mate (i can imagine this is before they get together), i can see jade dressing up in various outfits and admiring himself in the mirror and maybe even taking a few photos or two, you know for the memories like the freak he is. Not sure if he would go farther than that but I can see Yuu worrying about the possibilities and no one believeing they are Yuu until they can prove it to ADeuce and Grim (who might be more inclined to believe it if they saw Riddle and Floyd before hand). And maybe both Jade and Floyd take this opportunity to make sure they have no rivals, flat out rejecting anyone who they may know has a crush on their mate.

sorry for this long blurb just wanted to share

-🧀

Aaaah, I get iffy about bodyswaps sometimes since they can get borderline uncomfy, but I am always down for funny stories. Especially in PTM, it's so full of potential for hijinks!

I am down for bodyswaps if it happens when everyone is aware, if that makes sense? For example, Riddle, Jade, and Yuu are all in their potions class working on their in class assignment. But as we know, Floyd likes to ditch class sometimes to go hang with Jade in his classes. It's a bonus that his Goldfishie is also there, makes for a fun time!

Maybe a bit too much fun...he's knocked over the potion the group next to them had been making. It splashed over him and Riddle, who was now steadily raising his voice, and spilled onto the floor, where you managed to slip and drag Jade with you as you grabbed on his lab coat for stability.

The two of you were now covered in the potion, you're mumbling about not having enough detergent for another load so soon, and Jade is clicking his tongue as he got up. He helped you up, gloves wet, shoes grimy, and you two made your way over to the eyewash and shower station in the corner.

Riddle follows, dragging an annoyed Floyd to the station as well so wash up, the latter complaining about not wanting to get wet. Never mind that he is already wet from the potion. It's when you and Jade are stripping your outer layers to wash up, that Floyd reaches to poke at Riddle's cheek.

A small shock of lighting bounced between them, a red one crackling over Floyd and a light teal one over Riddle. Floyd jerks away, tripping over himself and falling on his back. Riddle froze, hands out and eyes darting as he stared between Floyd and his own hands. Like he was processing something...

You're watching him, a bit scared at Riddle's sudden stillness, as Jade kneels down to Floyd murmuring to his twin as Floyd looks around disoriented.

It's when you finally ask Riddle, leaning down to try and make eye contact with him, that Riddle looks at you. He's wide-eyed, and looks a bit feral, as he shouts, “WHAT THE FUCK” at the top of his lungs (eerily similar to a certain twin) that you stumble back in surprise.

You trip, feeling Jade's arms catch you, and only have a moment to process Jade's bare hands against your skin, when an electric feeling, and gray and dark teal lighting dance across your body.

You feel your head split open, and your body feels off, like your gravity of center moved. A small body in your arms groans, shifting in your grasp, as you blink your eyes open. You don't register the person in front of you at first, though they look familiar.

Imagine your shock when their head turns to look at you and a familiar pair of eyes, just like yours, and blinks.

“...Floyd? Wait, no.” your voice sounds foreign to your ears, like a stranger speaking a different language. “That's—why is everything so tall?”

“Is this what it's like to be short? Oh whaaaat?” You snapped your head up to look at Riddle, or the person who looks like him anyways, as he twirled around, giggling. The tone of his voice was off, a lot like Floyd, as he grinned over at your little pile up, and skipped over to where Floyd was still on the ground, looking at Riddle with a horrified expression.

“Riddle leaned down, a teasing smile on is lips, as he cooed, That you in there Goldfishie?”

“...FLOYD GET OUT OF MY BODY!”

Floyd never really yelled, so hearing him was a shock to everyone scrambling around in the lab as they tried to figure out what was going on. Crewel, poor dear Divus Crewel, is so fucking tired.

Thankfully, he can whip up the remedy potion rather easily. Unfortunately, he has a very busy day with classes, and it will have to wait until later in the day. He sends a mass text to the faculty informing them of the accident, and advises that you all continue your day as normal.

“And please, for the love of all that is good in this world, let everyone else know. There's no reason to hide it, the embarrassment cannot possibly be enough that you need to pretend to be each other. Just, let your dorms know and continue as normal in each other's bodies.”

Despite this, hi jinks and pranks still ensue. Mostly initiated by Jade and Floyd, and mostly at yours and Riddle's expense. If you two notice that some of your peers, ones that were particularly soft on you and that others claimed had a crush, suddenly are avoiding you after the switch, the twins just tell you that they had to tell them off.

If the twins ask why one of their transformation potions are gone, you and Riddle better not tell them that you got curious about how being a merman felt like and didn't know how to transform back without using the potion. Unless you want to get teased about it, of course.

They'll find out regardless, and each twin with tease their respective human, asking them why they were so interested in the first place.

“Awww, is my lil Goldfishie interested in being under the sea? Don't worry, I'll make sure you're all prepped before taking ya back home with me!”

“If you wanted to know what being a mer is like, you could have asked me~ I'd be happy to make you a potion and take you to the depths with me. I have several lovely, private areas that I think you'd greatly enjoy.”

Maybe this is what you all needed to break the ice? Or maybe it just makes it thicker, I'll leave it up to you!

#mochi asks #🧀anon #twst #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #jade leech #floyd leech #riddle rosehearts #jade leech x reader #floyd x riddle #ptm #for a more spicy~ version of this #they def either ask you two to help them “understand” their current bodies better #or have a fun time “exploring” them #they gotta know what makes yall tic if they want to make your first times good

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

There's something I don't understand in Julian's route SPOILER ALERT

When Julian was force fed a plague beetle and got locked in the dungeon to find a cure. Why did he have asra's magic book with him? He doesn't belive in magic and he didn't get visions of the hanged man until he was almost dying. How did he know asra's book had information about the visions he saw before he even got them? I might have misunderstood the whole thing but if not I really would like to read ur opinion of this!

Hi friend! Here's my main guess, and a disclaimer XD

When it comes to the Arcana timeline and lore, truthfully, there's so many inconsistencies and revisions that it's not exactly the kind of plot I'd try to hold any water with. That's without the added complication of six different routes with two endings each, giving us 12 different canons for one story, and a main character written so vaguely that they could be almost any reader. Personally, I find it charming, but for people who like a watertight plot and intricate world building, it can get (understandably!) very frustrating.

To answer your question though, Julian having a magic book in his office starts to make a little more sense in the context of two key parts of his character journey: 1, the Julian we meet in the prologue is also missing memories, and 2, Julian's prejudice against magic doesn't go as far as claiming it isn't real, rather, he belittles it in an attempt to be less afraid of it.

Julian doesn't yet remember the events leading up to the masquerade when the magic book is found in his office - which means he also doesn't necessarily remember the extent to which he was involved with Asra and their search to bring MC back. The book itself, with the mark of magic on it, is implied to have information on it about Patron deals. Asra would have used to it come up with their plan to bring MC back, which means Julian likely wouldn't have been able to take it until Asra was done with it.

This also means that Julian would have been around Asra for some time at that point (long enough to form the close friendship between them and Nadia) and would have seen enough of Asra's magic research to know that it was real, powerful, and effective - and maybe an approach to curing the plague that he'd been avoiding. With source of the plague being Lucio's deals with the Devil (and others), Julian already had many of the puzzle pieces he needed to solve it and both the intelligence and drive to push through.

While the early-route Julian without his memories wouldn't go near magic and would call it silly, late-route Julian with his memories would absolutely borrow a magic book if he had reason to believe it held answers about the plague. Personally, I think that if he'd had the time to do so, Julian would have figured it out eventually on his own without contracting the plague and the near-death experience that let him interact with the Hanged Man. Being infected and confined accelerated the process by removing any other priorities he would've had and opening him to receiving help from a Patron.

The question it leaves me asking, though, is why Lucio felt the need to forcefully infect and imprison his top doctor when he already had everything in place to get a new body. Is it a testament to how cruel and twisted he could get pre-ghost form? Or was it at someone else's request, much like Aisha and Salim's imprisonment seventeen years earlier?

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana #the arcana game #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #julian the arcana #julian devorak

[justatalkingface]

Let's talk about the Nomu and the Remnants

So, among all the other fuck fuck games Hori played with late-game MHA, I don't think anyone has really... picked up on just what implications he's made when it comes to Remnants.

You see, once upon a time, Remnants only existed because OFA let them, kept them, empowered them. Even when it wasn't really expanded on at the time, the fact that Izuku had them was a sign of his Heroic Mandate (TM) and Destiny(TM), it was something unique to him, something that even All Might didn't have. But... you know, now AFO is just filled with a screaming chorus of those he has damned or something.

Let's... let's ignore the general clusterfuck of AFO for this, and just... all the late game stuff. Let's just talk about one thing: the fact that he has Remnants, and the fact they've been trying to talk to (murder) him.

And first off, that's a big retcon, because even if the OFA Remnants didn't want to murder their users, I'm pretty damn sure they'd want to talk to them all the same, and yet somehow only Izuku noticed, even before the clusterfuck of the extra Quirks kicked in.

But even that's not the point, that's just an appetizer. Because the thing is? The Quirks AFO is holding aren't the only Quirks he's taken, far from it.

There are the Quirks he's given to various people throughout the years, subordinates, would be supporters and probably some random people he wanted to torture.

The Nomu he's made, experimented on for decades.

Hell, all the Quirks he and Dr. Diablo Ex Machina have made (somehow) throughout this time.

That's hundreds, maybe thousand, of Quirks. Millions potentially, if we're looking at the copies and trying to get a number out of the vague 'and then we invented a whole new science just to fuck other people over' bit. And according to this late game stuff? Every single one of them is host to the mental copy of the person they were stolen from (or cloned from, presumably). And outside of a few exceptions, (vanishingly few; while there were people in the past, and in rare occasions the present, who didn't want their Quirks... the magic dream copy in the Quirk would still have their Quirk. For them, the problem hasn't gone away at all! Maybe some of the reason they hated it is gone, but even at best they're still bearing that thing they've always hated... and that's not even getting into people who just... hated them, or thought they were wrong. Or were afraid of hurting someone... only to be given to someone who doesn't share those same concerns, or even the same level of restraint they had. Even though the actual person got what they wanted, there's a copy of them that is still in hell, and knows they're never going to escape it, because they are their own nightmare.) every single Quirk was stolen by force. Every single one of the remnants in these people are just... suffering, and for all intents and purposes will remain that way, until the person bearing them dies.

And all of that? All of that doesn't get into the Nomus. The largely brain dead living corpses made smashing together likely Quirks with the same energy of a child trying to force together Legos, even before whatever process happens to condition them into being loyal. What the hell does that do to a mind? Do they stay separate? Do they... blend together? Does the body/dominant mind/most powerful Quirk just get implanted with memories and desires of complete strangers?

Every single one of those exposed brain monstrosities is a walking, talking torture device filled with damned souls of some unknown number, and who even knows about how much is in the High Ends.

Hell, what about the copied Quirks? Do they retain the full knowledge of who they were? Or does each copy... lose something, each in generation away from the original? Do they realize that they're missing some fundamental portion of themselves, that they're not real?

I'm pretty damn sure that this, like so many things, is something that just happened because Hori didn't think it through, because this is horrifying on levels it's hard to comprehend. It's a level of human suffering on the level of you'd get from the Dark Eldar in WH40K, and on both Hori and AFO's parts, it's entirely accidental. And yet, I don't think there's one part of this that isn't canon compliant, that there's nothing to disprove the idea that, somewhere in Aoyoma, there's some poor sod that was shoved in there, that inside AFO there's a copy of Eri.

Just... just something I want people to think about, because I don't want to be the only one.

#bnha critical #mha critical #hori's inability to choose a message #the clusterfuck of AFO #the clusterfuck that is the nomu #the clusterfuck that is the remnants #nightmare fuel #am i the only one that noticed this? #hori what the fuck

[syspport]

💻• Fragmentation/splitting & Formation

We want to talk about a little missconception regarding alters that's around the CDD community, this being using alter fragmentation/splitting as a synonym of formation, thing that isn't a correct use, so in this post I'm gonna explain why

⌦ What's fragmentation/splitting ⎙

The phenomenon of splitting or fragmenting an alter is a process in which the brain is put trough something so nagatively strong that it can't process it, as the dissociative disorder that CDD are the brain concludes that the best way of coping with that situation is dissociation, this dissociation can be presented in many ways and in different patterns/functions

In the splitting/fragmentation case this dissociation leads to the precense of more amnesia meaning that the only dissociative form the brain can use in the moment is putting more amnesiac barriers to itself so it can be protected and the part who already exist doesn't have to deal with that problem

This phenomenon can be put as a direct or indirect fragmentation, direct being were the part who experienced the event and wasn't able to cope with the situation is divided by the brain putting an amnesiac barrier to the alter, indirect being were this amnesiac barrier isn't put directly to the alter in question and can be come "from nothing" (It comes from a part of the brain that wasn't dissociated in an identity level, so in the person eyes this alter came from "thin aire"), but in the two cases the fragmentation/splitting is the put of new amnesiac barriers in the brain to help coping with the event and give some protection, function and help within a system

It's important to say that fragmentation doesn't always means a new alter has formed, fragmentation is the phenomenon of amensiac barriers, when a system splits blank fragments can appear, this fragments are dissociated parts of the identity who don't have anything, no developed appearance, no personality, no thoughts, no role nor function, they're literally a blank canvas ready to be fill

⌦ What's formation ⎙

Alter formation is the phenomenon in which an alter develops themselve and gain more identity, they increase in formation complexity

Formation is a very complex phenomena because it depends in many factors and there isn't a rule for that, alters can form in many ways for many reasons

The formation of an alter is categorize as how much of an independent, conscious and complete part the alter is (complete as an alter can be, cause it's imposible for an alter to be completly formed as is own identity), this includes appearance, memories, thoughts, personality, likes and dislikes, and all the things that can be in someone's identity

The three most known categories of formation to an alter are:

Instant formation: When a splitting occurs the new part is already formed

Late formation: When a splitting occurs and the new part has a little formation but isn't completly formed, and after the fragmentation the part finish their formation

Post formation: After the splitting happened the new part didn't have any kind of formation, the blank canvas as I said, in this cases in can be exactly after fragmentation when the part starts to gain formation or time before the fragmentation

Obviously there are many ways of formation that can be disscused and the formation of an alters depends in a lot of factors, so you can hava a case in which some alter has an unique way of formation

Also i think is good to explain that formation isn't permanent, an alter that was already formed can lose formation, and an alter that was already formed can gain more formation

So basically formation is how much identity and how much fragmented the part is, and it can pressent and occur in many ways all the time

⌦ Relationship between fragmentation and formation ⎙

As it was stated fragmentation and formation can overlap, but even if they're related they're not the same thing. Formantion can't occur without a fragmentation happening first, but a fragmentation can occur without formation

Fragmentation and formation can and normally feel different, some systems aren't even aware a fragmentation occur but they get aware when the formation happens, other systems can feel physically the fragmentation and don't feel the new part till it formed and they didn't feel the formation, all this things depend in the system and they have differentways of presenting

For small systems the fragmentation and formation process usually come hand in hand, and I guess that's the reason some systems think this two words are synonyms even if they describe different phenomena

⌦ The misconception and its problem ⎙

So now that we understand that they're different were gonna answer the question, why is a problem, or at least why we find this being a problem with misinformation around CDD systems

We've heard of systems saying "I didn't experience nothing bad and I split another alter" and this brings up the idea that alters can fragment without trauma or horrible stress happening and that's not how CDD works

Fragmentation is a reponse of trauma or stress that big your brain can't handle it so it dissociaties form itself. Fragmentation can only happen when you're in a critical situation in which your brain reinforce the amnesiac barriers, make new ones and dissociates all at once making a new dissociated part of the identity that results in fragmentation of a new alter

So this makes obvious that fragmentation isn't just something that happens out of nowhere, is a protection method and way to cope with horrible events

What can happen at anytime and without this kind of experiences is formation, as it was described formation is just the process of gaining identity and a function to fulfill in the system. This can happen to any part, being a fragment, semi-formed or alter, and in any time of the systems's life

When you know a "new part" has appeared and it didn't come from a critical event is just some random part that already formed itself, or some alter that you didn't know about thanks to amnesiac barriers

Continuing with the "alters can fragment without the critical event happening" is just misinformation, and saying "this alter fragmented late/before the event happened" it's just the part forming after its fragmentation

So yeah, hope this post helped and made you aware of new things, if you have a question or a comment about the topic you can always do it and we're gladly gonna answer

Hope you have a great day/night and see ya in the next post :)

[Please read pinned post before interacting]

#endos dni #fragmentation #did splitting #alter formation #sysblr #alter fragmentation #traumagenic did #traumagenic system #system things #system help #system stuff #plural system #system support #system blog #alter template #system #dissociative system #actually dissociative #dissociative identity disorder #osddid #actually did #did system #osdd system #actually cdd #cdd system #cdd community #plural community #syspport #did alter #osdd alter

[myreputatioooon]

Thinking about

The sheer grief that must come from being someone precious to a timelooper btw

Spoilers under the cut also I'm still watching a 100% playthrough and not finished w/ it yet so yeh

I don't remember just they all were called, let's call them The Picnic Memories, (Training Bonnie, discussing Change Religion w/ Mirabel, Familytales w/ Odile & Stargazing w/ Isabeau)

But I'm gonna imagine and ask you all to imagine an ending to the loops where the last loop had Siffrin redo the Picnic for all his found family w/o zoning out (and not because of battling benefits) and went about it more efficiently than the first go around

Oh yeah, we're talking about the grief of someone dear to you knowing countless versions and moments of yourself you no longer have

Like throughout countless deaths, freezing themself in time to counter against dead-ends, Siffrin's trauma is likely the first thing people think about and address

His team might not even think about themselves in the bigger picture of things

Fucking hell, like Odile talking about Siffrin leading her to the Familytale that baker's daughter had and he brings up the whole circle of a fetch quest, like this beautiful lady who borrowed it because some kids stole it and we had to bribe the kids with coins to say the baker who gave it away had it under his roof stiol because his daughter got it back behind his back and you were so scary but you didn't mean to scare anyone and—

Siffrin that never happened . . .

Except it did. Siffrin just remembered afterwards and the next and finale go around, asked the little girl if she had the book first, she did, and Odile got more time to go through the familytale

After the time loop passed, he focused himself on learning more and more on what would break these time loops, even before the picnic he was asking questions once and only repeated them if he forgot anything in a later loop

Bonnie, Odile gave us a crash course on Time Craft theory when we found a Craftonomy book. But she didn't? I . . . Must have forgotten it happened in a loop

I couldn't even speak during our snack time before the King, Bonnie brought out my favorite food and I was chowing down! You said that I . . . Oh yeah that was just the first time we reached the floor

The secret tunnel! It led us to the library where Mirabelle learned her Adorable Shield spell, had to find it after the King one-hit k.o.ed us in the first battle against him, and it's where me and Odile discovered the Family Tale she was looking for and, oh yeah, it became obsolete after I learned everything I needed to so we never went there . . .

Like shit, Siffrin is learning more and more and becoming more close to the four as the loops go by, socializing, eating meals together, honing battle strategies togethers; but when it happens the other way around? It never sticks

Siffrin and his team has so many conversations, they learn and share so much about each others, but only he keeps that knowledge

How many times will he act on or state knowledge he knows or got from one of his friend from erased timeloops and their friends have to process and deal with the fact that there's so much they will never remember sharing with Siffren until Siffren brings it up??

On the first loop he had a Picnic with them all under the stars, they were all happy.

On the first loop they had a Picnic with them all under the stars, he grew sick of the repetitions

On the first loop he had a Picnic with them all under the stars, he took out their despair that happiness couldn't cure against the first Sadness in sight

On the first loop they had a Picnic with them all under the stars, Odile had an arm raised to shield her team, and the team stared at them.

On the first loop he had a Picnic with them all under the stars, he took that blade used against that Sadness and with it they looped again

In two timeloops, another dead end, and a final one, five declared themselves family

In every other time loop, they did not, and Siffrin submitted himself to and allyship wearing the face of family. Wearing being the key word

#In Stars And Time #In Stars And Time Spoilers #isat Spoilers #fic idea #for later #i need this fic where Siffren and co. have to cope with the relationship coplications and hiccups timeloops create SO FUCKING BADLY

[ghostinthegallery]

⭐

Also if you ever want to do this unprompted please go nuts, I love reading behind the scenes thoughts!

Ooh, free space! Hmmm, which fic to talk about?

I'd actually love to talk a little bit about Memories in Wisps of Smoke, which I think kind of went under the radar! Since it was for a holiday exchange, I don't think it ever posted to the main AO3 40K page.

This was an interesting one for me. I am shockingly rough on space marine lore, so this was an "open every tab on the wiki" type of fic. The process of training/making a marine, specifics of Salamanders and Nocturne, if there was any info about Sa'kan, the main character for this fic (there is very little and some of it is contradictory in true 40K fashion).

I knew I wanted a follow up to the animated Pariah Nexus show because I loved the characters. I just didn’t know exactly what to write. Barging in and punching Szeras in the robot kidney would have been fun, but didn’t feel right given the prompts and also how much time I had. I knew it had to be smaller and more character focused.

Then I remembered a moment early in the show where as the Salamanders’ transport is being shot down, a guy falls when the hull is ripped open. I genuinely thought this was going to be our protag, sole survivor as everyone else died in the crash. But no, we just never see that guy again. That unlocked the story for me. “Find an ally” was a much more manageable story goal than “defeat one of the worst people in this galaxy.” I gave that rando a name, and it was off to the races.

It was fun getting to write with a focus on a different faction. Although there were similarities. I based a lot of the developing friendship between Sa’kan and the Deathmark around their shared roles as tools of war. Shaped by masters who don’t care if they live or die. Then added in an OC to act as a foil to Sa’kan. Giving him two arcs (present with the Deathmark and flashbacks with Kal’en) challenging his initial impressions of both those people, so on and so on boom character development! (With some kissing because I have no impulse control)

Gotta say though my favorite scene was the one with Sa’kan and his family. The fact that Salamanders maintain those relationships is one of my favorite things about them. And tossing a crying baby at an Astartes is hilarious to me. “Brother! The codex has not prepared me for this. Why is it so small?” D:

Thanks to @two-reflections for the prompt that gave me an excuse to write this!

#Answering asks #fanfic director’s commentary #Thank you to the wiki for ideas on Salamander field funeral practices #Also firesight #Really needed a way for the marine buddies to find each other #Was stumped but for once GW actually had me covered #My favorite bs space marine superpower

[sysig]

Finally finished this old chestnut, thanks 15.ai <3

#Portal #GLaDOS #15.ai #And also Cherry for reminding me of it lol #The actual acquiring of the audio to slicing and splicing was months apart lol #So I don't have much memory of the process #I do remember that the word input system is pretty intuitive and it makes for some pretty solid reads #It's honestly such a cool program huge kudos #And since the reads are meant to be robotic they're very easy to cut up #I think overall it sounds pretty smooth! I'm curious if anyone other than me can hear the cuts lol #Like drawing and seeing your own errant lines but the sketch looks good overall haha #I really should either replay or get smol to play Portal so I can just immerse myself in her talk patterns again hhh #I love how she talks <3 <3

[crimeronan]

side effect of having my hydroxychloroquine work really well is that i'm forgetting what it felt like to be Really Horrifically Sick. both because of the emotional distance and because of my general memory issues. the memory issues are a LOT worse concerning Times When I Was Horrifically Sick.

so i'm actually pretty grateful to my past self for the amount of time i spent oversharing here. if i scroll back like seven months in my autoimmune tag i can find posts of me essentially going "eh, i'm sleeping for 22 hours a day but i don't really care anymore bc i've accepted i'm gonna die" and "life sux. can't breathe or think or feel my chest but that's constant so i don't wanna go to the ER about it AGAIN" and "docs took 14 vials of blood 4 x-rays several lung images several lung tests and an EKG before i even left the hospital today. even tho they havent gotten my test results back yet" and i'm like god Damn.

I REALLY LIVED LIKE THIS????????

#if you have ever been the favorite favored patient at an american hospital. you know. #presumably triage is similar in other countries too i just know the american experience is very tied up in. cost benefit analysis #you have to be in BAD shape to be taken seriously at american hospitals. even the good ones. (especially the good ones??) #if you're waiting in the ER for four hours bc of triage it sucks. if you wait for 60 seconds because of triage uh. #You Are In Deep Trouble. You Are In Much Deeper Trouble Than An Annoying Waiting Room #WOW i was so fucking sick. i'm just. flabbergasted. #like i know intellectually that these things happened and have vague memories of all the testing processes and stuff #but i don't Feel it anymore. those things happened to a different person. please god let me have hydroxychloroquine forever #do you guys remember me being sick?? i think some of you actually might remember it better than i do which is. WEIRD. #anyway. back to fic editing now #autoimmune tag

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

AFTERMARE WEEK: Day 7- the end of a beginning/ the beginning of the end

make me believe and raise my hopes up one last time, then haunt my dreams for the rest of my life

aftermare week is hosted by @bluepallilworld

#art #illustration #my art #aftermare week 2023 #aftermare week #nightmare #nightmare sans #fem!nightmare #this was actually the first piece i finished!! before the week even started cause i thought i was a literal month late ahhh hhh xD #geno isn't a ghost here night is just reminiscing about old memories :) #i have lots and lots of headcanons surrounding human!nightmare's corruption process but just so you know her appearance changes slightly #istg when i posted the grass wip i did NOT expect it to get 30+ notes like wow! i'm so glad you guys thought it looked good hhh :'D #hope it's not? underwhelming? i didn't expect to participate in all the prompts but this is the first!! week challenge i completed perfectl #last cryptic quote for the week wooo!! try to see how it's related to the prompts cause i'm curious to hear your interpretations >:D #i have a dentist appointment on the 17th so this is queued! i'll reblog everyone's art once i come back so don't worry >:'D #btw thank you so much for hosting this event blue!! the prompts were literally ALLL a 10 outta 10 just howww >:"0 #i hope you're having an amazing day miss >:3 <3333

[nebulouscoffee]

Me, attending the latest in a ridiculous number of funerals this year in the place of a childhood friend who couldn't be there, watching the lifeless body of an old lady who used to make me snacks in the kitchen when I was a kid be carted away forever while my friend's mother cries and tells me she's grateful I could be there because it felt like having the support of her own daughter, hugging her and talking reassuringly and not processing a single one of these emotions: ... I am going to write soooo much fanfiction about this

#''this'' being collective grief. because tbvh it's the main reason I haven't written very much this year (but will slowly start to) #I write to remind myself I am lucky. I keep telling myself this but even now when I feel awful I am so lucky #I am lucky that none of these funerals have involved very close family members or friends of mine #and I am lucky to be living in conditions with the space to write and space to grieve #and space to come together to mourn with dignity while people not that far away from me are not receiving the same privilege rn #I am lucky my dad was with me today and I spent the evening chatting with him on the terrace I am lucky he is alive I am lucky I am lucky #(apologies if this sounds like a robot malfunctioning lmao writing is just how I process things) #(and apparently I just don't seem to feel like I have the right to feel bad about any of this anywhere except my st@r trek blog hehe) #anyway. To stay on theme I shall say something about Trills :D #I imagine loss and grief must register very differently to them. very Non Linearly in the literal sense but also a highly abstract one #even I feel this massive sense of time warp between all these funerals; and this chest-crushing distance between me and my friends #how do Trills even exist #how do they wake up every day remembering all those friends and children and parents who loved them and they loved and are gone now #and still function #how does Ezri feel walking around with memories of parents that aren't hers (but were soooo much better than hers) taking care of her #does she feel comforted by them? does it feel like the people in those memories were always comforting HER specifically? #does it even matter who it belonged to originally if a memory is HERS now? #does Ezri mourn for any parents of past hosts more than she knows she will mourn for her own mother one day? #does having all this lived experience bring her reassuring amounts of perspective for a 20-something or just overwhelm her all the more? #idk; but I hope she learns to take comfort in her past hosts' memories of family eventually... #(...again. I am going to write sooooo much fan fiction about this lmao) #cw death

[goingbuggy]

I think you have best theories in the fandom about shanks. It’s like you see more than most of us. So that’s why to just have simple yes or no answer would be enough. I have this level of trust in you.

Do you believe makinos child is shanks or someone’s else?

I just can’t stop thinking about this, because for me I don’t see it, but it’s so popular I feel stupid or blinded by my other ships.

thank you for your kind words!! you probably shouldn't place this must trust in me though, LOL. i'm just reading and overthinking everything in the source material, like everyone else is.

is it possible that shanks has a child with makino? well.. yeah. to put it bluntly, the simplest answer is usually the right answer with oda. he's already established that makino and shanks are friendly from chapter one, and shanks is even seen dressed up for a wedding on one cover page, which oda sometimes uses to tell canon events that don't fit the flow of the current arc. (think of enel's journey to the moon, for example).

me personally, though? i've got beef with this idea, and not for the reasons you might think. makino and shanks as a couple is fine to me; i don't find their relationship all that compelling, truthfully, but they fit the mold for most of oda's canon pairings.

when it comes to shanks' characterization, though, the idea of him having a child at this point in the story strikes me as both offputting and irrelevant. shanks is an emperor, and given his actions, his current responsibilities are clearly the priority. so the thought of shanks leaving makino alone to take care of their child is... strange? his status has the potential to endanger them. he is surely too preoccupied to be sailing back and forth to see them.

you could argue that this parallels roger and rouge, but i also think that's the worst possible way oda could have shanks mirror his old captain. at least in roger's case, oda had ace become a relevant part of luffy's story. what narrative purpose does this serve? is it to humanize shanks? i'm not quite sure what oda's angle is, here.

we also have to consider shanks' past. shanks left uta behind, so i don't think he is "above" leaving his newborn child, so to speak, but his reasoning in that situation was far more complex. here, though? this would be shanks ACTIVELY choosing to bring a child into this world, knowing full well he cannot take care of it until he sees his goals through. (SHANKS? patient, protective shanks, unable to wait to start a family? the boy who was an abandoned child himself? does he not believe that he will live long enough to wait? if so, why would he leave makino with that responsibility at all? characters can make selfish decisions, but i can't see any reasoning from shanks' perspective. this is a problem to me.)

so, in short, no, i'm not exactly a fan of this theory. i just don't see the merit of adding it to the story, when the implications seem to contradict what we know about his character. and again, what is the narrative benefit that outweighs the faulty logic? what do we gain as readers? what does this do for the story? to me, it feels like nothing at all.

#tldr; 'why is the author acting like he knows so much lol' #oda. PLEASE explain #because i just cannot see it #not in the way i could understand shanks' reasoning when he left uta #i also think this decision undermines uta's entire existence #it gives the impression that shanks is. idk. unaffected? #parents are allowed to process the deaths of their children and move on #but we have never once seen shanks process any losses in his life. hell we don't even the poor man CRY #and so as a result this writing choice just feels.. sloppy #it skips over the potential for depth #if you are going to add lore to a character's story... give it the proper weight it deserves. let uta's memory haunt shanks. shape him #don't just write her in to write her off. otherwise what's the point? #ask #long post

[vargaslovinghours]

Y’all are being subjected to my Sims 2 tests, so there

The other set of Vargases came over for a visit and Scriabin picked up Shmee and started talking to Scriabin through him. Very normal, very usual

I downloaded some circle-glasses recolours and hghghh they look so good! Closer every day to his final details! Getting ever closer!

Edgar too! I made him a custom hair with a lighter undercut - I’m mostly happy with it, probably could’ve shifted it a shade closer to his skintone but the texturing was weird no matter what :P And his stripey shirt! I wish Body Shop didn’t have that hands-on-hips pose lol, it looks so much better in-game, but that’s all the better :)

I got some new clothes for Todd as well! As soon as I saw this ‘fit I was like “Oh that’s 100% Todd there he is.” Scriadad hug ♥ So cute

Foot-dancing together stopp it’s so cute!!

The way he looks at them stoppp <3 <3 They kept doing this right up til they left for home haha, Todd’s giggles are the cutest

Used SimPE to save him to the Body Shop, I now have infinite copies of The Boyyyy ♪

Moved him in with his “parents” as just shadow people basically, they’re not gonna matter in a bit as long as I remember how to get the Social Worker/Adoption process to work properly. Get her Todd!!

Wanna play? :D

Menacing :(

Look, Todd, your new dads are here! Initially I wasn’t sure who I wanted to adopt him, got lots of options; the first passes, the married couple with their own Todd, Johnny?? He definitely doesn’t have the facilities for a child lol But these are the ones that showed up on their own, so the married Vargases are the winners!

Scriabin cares more about him than his actual parents ;; A stranger off the street shows him more care! Not that it’s a high watermark

Look at him being a good dad!

Weh, he just wants friends ;; Poor baby

Best timeline, thank you

While we wait for CPS, let’s get some other interactions in! Nny is mean so he tended to prank the other two with a nose flick - mostly Edgar lol ♪ Now kiss

“Oh please don’t break all my bones~ :3” I love Todd looking up at them haha <3

Pffft, I think he was talking about the other Scriabin and just how attractive he is. Classic Scriabin. Alternatively, also funny to imagine him bragging himself up about how he’s just so handsome that Edgar can’t help but love him hahaha ♪

Allow me to tickle you with my KNIFE! >:D

Get a load of this guy lol

He ended up passing out at one point - I forgot which motives make CPS show up >.> - and completely 0%’d his comfort, but for some reason stargazing increased it?? It’s the same ground wh

Is two not enough to satisfy your butterfly bloodlust child?? He ended up with three, I had him release them before he was picked up by the Social Worker - success!

He rolled a new Want as soon as Todd was taken away - “Wants to see Ghost of Todd” Woah, dark! :0

And here he is on the married Vargases’ lot!! Success!! I did it right!! Heck yeah! :D Unfortunately they were uh, indisposed at the time. Good job guys pft

Goes right for Shmee, he really is Todd <3

#The Sims 2 #My queue is too backlogged on main! And I /have/ been working on a lot of Vargas-specific Sims 2 retextures so it's fine lol #These are still tests - as said up top lol - so these events are ''non canon'' to what will eventually be my actual Vargas family #The beats will be similar tho! It's mostly just a lot of tweaking at this point to get everything just where I want before the domino falls #Edgar Nny and Todd are all so close to done - Scriabin still needs a bit more work lol of course he's the problem member ♪ #It'll be worth it tho! >:3c Handsome lad <3 #Did find out some interesting things with the Social Worker/Adoption process :0 Most importantly that adoption basically wipes everything #Wipes memories and family relations and changes the last name! So I'll have to go in with SimPE to change his name back once I'm there #I love SimPE haha ♪ I mean it's just an extension of how much I love TS2 but I just ughsjkhagf it's a good program! #It's extremely powerful and easy to get lost in if you don't know where to look but it's also incredibly user-friendly if you do know #Like - it's as easy as ''Open this sub-menu. Click this button. Rename this. You're all done'' it's just jdsflf Sims 2 my beloved <3 <3 #I decided to cheat down the Casils' relationship with Todd before everything else - thus why his father is menacing him for the prank #I've seen Sims with not high enough friendship to not take a water balloon as a fun invitation but not between a parent and child! #It's subtle but the parent being mad and the kid cowering :( It's sadly appropriate for Todd #I stuck the Casils in a box to wait things out and they ended up glitching frozen in bed - they're effectively dead by Motive but can't move #So they can't die /or/ live - feels fitting #If you'd like to recreate CPS taking your child away without straight up torturing them! - Hunger. You just need hunger lol #Alternately you can also have them miss class if you'd prefer to feed them - both will result in being taken away after long enough #If I return to this save it's gonna be confusing since both Todds are identical and have the same names lol #I do have a bunch of new clothes! Second shopping trip :D #There's something oddly fitting for the Vargases to adopt twin/clones lol - fun shenaniganary until the Final Version comes to pass #Although now that I think of it I Could also give them a toddler!Todd hmmmmmm #It's an idea :)

[featuresofinterest]

keep opening instagram only to immediately be confronted with images of lahaina in ruins. keep closing my eyes and picturing the front street that doesn't exist anymore. keep picturing the family who fled into the ocean to escape the inferno. people in cars with massive flames on either side of them. the hotel my aunt grew up at, the church my aunt and uncle got married at and my cousin got married at, some of the oldest buildings in all of hawai'i, all gone. a whole town gone. and 55 people dead. how do you even fathom this

#it feels weird for it to be affecting me so much since i'm so removed but i have been there like 15ish times. it holds so many memories. #and my extended family esp my aunt and honestly my grandparents too know so many people who live there and lost everything #not to even mention the number of lives lost. don't even know how to start processing that #ANYWAY sorry just wanted to vent

[darkfinch]

i have to ask. why do you not like clane crawford

you MISUNDERSTAND FUNDAMENTALLY

i do not know him as a person, so i can't like him Personally, but i enjoy mr crawford very much as an actor; i think he's very good at what he does and i appreciate the unique chaotic all-in energy he brings to his baffling filmography. i am enjoying his 500 dollar indie movie era and the SECOND that the integrity of joseph chambers (or, as my dad calls it, "the honour of jonathan whatshisname") Becomes Streamable i will be streaming it in whatever legal way i can. he has good hair. cool guy

the "i can't perceive this dude" vibes are just like.....like you know how you watch someone give an interview and they've obviously got a prepared, media-appropriate headspace they've slipped into + carefully curated established barrier between Real Self and Publicly Perceived Self? customer service persona? and they'll naturally curate their energy and the things they say to come across a certain way? they're prepared? they know what they're saying and doing and what they're trying to present to you?

mr crawford does not do this

mr crawford just says words. he just says words you cannot ask him about anything he will either sound like a cop who's just discovered the concept of introspection, a man who is actively counting down the seconds until he can exit the interview, or a normal fucking Guy who has completely forgotten that he's being recorded. it's too much i can't do it

like he is SO PASSIONATE about the things he talks about he is KNOWLEDGEABLE he LOVES MOVIES but also i cannot trust that he won't just toss a That's Altogether Too Much Raw Information bomb into the centre of the convo at the drop of a hat. he says so much and i don't need to learn the things he is saying, it's not that it's Bad information it's just that i would like to know less. don't tell me this <3

i like him tho i want the best for him i hope he stops doing nfts

#that's too many words but like #a friend kept sending me interviews of this guy like ''whats wrong with your guy'' and so i have discussed this issue previously at Length #he tells u too much abt him. if the question is ''what are some good movies'' you cannot start detailing like.... #your clearest early childhood memories and your difficult relationship with your biological father and how like.... #the guy who introduced you to movies was very kind except you didn't really think about the structure of the story you were telling until #you reached the end and now you're contemplating the inherent ingratitude of childhood and how little you appreciated or #processed the generosity of this person and also your story doesn't have an ending. don't do that to me. go tend cows #finchtalks

[47-protons]

I love blorbo bingus from my brain. I'm going to put him through a pasta maker. Hes going to be like flat stanely by the time i'm done with him <3

#i am holding him like a stress ball and throwing him as hard as i can at the wall #have you ever mourned that which was still alive. and you can't go back to the people you remember or the guy you used to be #bc events since the time you left have changed you. and you might recognize them when you see them again. but they don't know you anymore #it's ''came back wrong'' except no one died. you left. and you changed. everyone else is the same and waiting for a son brother neighbor #who just. doesn't exist anymore. who died when wings were cut for the first time. #i'm so normal about blorbo from my brain i love him so much i need him crying in a ditch immediately #vibrating at a frequency that could shatter glass. ask me about wing clipping. ask me about it. please ask me about why it's so fucking bad #for your birds. hey do you want fun facts aboutw ing clipping :) #he did it willingly. :) it's possible to clip wings painlessly. they were not gentle with it. :) #on an unrelated note. flick has always existed as a way for me to like. process things i'm experiencing. bc i'm really bad at doing that on #my own. this is a habit i originally picked up with fanfic that my therapist encouraged bc. i'm bad at internal brain stuff. make it Outsid #and then i'm Better at it. #he has Always existed as a way for me to hold and turn things around and look at them. #he gets to let his mom go willingly. with fond memories. and that's what i'm going to try so sososososososo desperately to do if i must

[dreamlogic]

...

#shit chat #family cw #parents divorcing: dad moved into tiny apt & doesn't want anything. mom moving to kentucky in a few weeks? months? w/ new fiancee #brother sick of the drama; doesn't want anything & isn't talking to my mom rn (understandable) #so i'm. pawing through 30 years of my parents' junk trying to sift out & salvage childhood relics #the leftovers mostly bc my mom has already laid claim to most of the things i have a strong attachment to #and currently having an existential crisis on my bedroom floor sorting through xmas decorations to keep/donate #like damn my childhood has so much substance in my memory & these objects seemed imbued with so much magic #and looking at it now there's a few things that still have a glimmer of life but mostly it's just cheap old shit. #i don't want any of this; i just want the sense of comfort and love and security of a functional loving family #but the divorce is also dredging up a lot of shit that i'm further processing in therapy #and i'm coming to the very depressing realization that a lot of my childhood kinda sucked ass #not all of it! and looking at photos i still feel strong positive emotions towards my past #but there really isn't any legacy to speak of. heirlooms consist of a few sentimental tchotchkes & a box of old picture books #also my mom kinda fucking sucked as a parent in ways i'm only just now allowing myself to admit & examine #like i don't think i could ever hate her or write her off completely and i did get certain wonderful aspects of myself from her #but she hasn't consistently been a Good Mom to me. p much since my brother was born when i was like 5. #more like a very mentally ill fair-weather friend who was also partially responsible for raising me #god this sucks. but at least i have a box of delicate sparkly glass baubles that i can smash on the pavement for catharsis sometime #anyways. friends if it seems like i've been more hermit-y and avoidant than usual lately– this is why #i've been estranged from most of my extended family for years & used to be really close with my immediate family. #which is currently a reeking dumpster fire that's choking my life with noxious smoke #and p much all of my energy & free time is going towards not letting actively retruamatizing current events nuke my brain #brother & i agreed that the current Vibes are like... #trying to cut loose the life boats from a sinking ship and get clear before the water displacement sucks us under #but i finally have all my shit out of the house except furniture that can't be moved until my mom moves #so the gaping chest wound is slowly starting to scab over and i can start actually clearing out some of this shit & #tracing the panicked exodus back to a more grounded stable version of myself #ugh.