#POV: Childe showing off to you in the only way he knows how: murder

[heavenblvd]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒.

pairings — fem!reader and rafe cameron.

summary — after rafe takes your life, he tries to move on, and simply pretends he’s the one who didn’t do so. eventually, hauntings and truths will lay themselves out to remind rafe just how sickening he is.

warning tags — adult language. details of gruesome m*rder & m*rder itself. mentions of DV relationship, (brief) child ab*se & awful parents. talks of religion and god. reader’s pov from heaven (?? just stick w the program). rafe actually going more insane than usual. overall dark content.

author’s note — this is based on and inspired by ethel cain’s song ‘strangers’ and while this song has multiple interpretations to go by, i’m taking mine by the main and common one (just without the c*nnibalism!). this also gets super dark and depressing so if you cannot bear any of it, please click off! this also isn’t revised at all so my apologies for grammar mistakes.

likes, shares & reblogs are very much appreciated ⋆୨୧ ₊ﾟ

you had tears in your eyes, body shaking to point you thought you’d convulse. you tried to be obedient by keeping in rafe’s secret of what he had done on that tarmac. he beat you to make sure you kept your mouth shut for good.

he said, “i’ll kill you if you say one word,” and it took enough fear to believe him, but you didn’t think that day would come.

murder is an evil thing, and everyone can attest to it. rafe murdered sheriff peterkin as if she was nothing, as if she was a problem in the way. bad enough, he let john b. routledge — one of your best friends — take the fall for it.

you continued to keep your mouth shut, but after rafe tried to invade the police, ward killing himself, you didn’t see a reason to keep quiet. ward was the only reason why rafe could stay out of prison, and now that he wasn’t around, you could speak.

your father preached every sunday to live by righteousness and good, to never let evil win.

rafe was that evil. he was the devil himself.

the devil that you danced with, let make love to you, kiss you, but also beat you until stars twinkled in your vision, and your breath kept getting caught in your throat.

your mother would be horrified to know that, your father too. but it was their fault in a way that you accepted this cruelty as love; your father, especially to blame.

if love is not meant to be hit at you, does it even exist? your father showed you that when he’d slap or punch you for falling out of line, but go to church the next day, and preach about being a good servant to god.

you wanted all evil out of your life. it was suffocating, it was drowning you.

rafe had to be eliminated first.

“you killed peterkin, and i’m tired of knowing it,” you said, picking up your car keys. “we are done, and i won’t even show up to your trial when you go down for it.”

rafe just stared at you appalled and puzzled, sitting on the edge of his bed. you were close to being far out enough to your car until strong, violent hand seized you.

you screamed and kicked, not being new to this routine, only knowing that he was going to harm you.

you could never predict that his violence would lead him to murdering you.

“let me go, rafe!” you screamed, being pulled inside, your pleas and cries echoing in the empty home.

expecting to be physically berated, you were being led downwards.

to the wine cellar basement.

and for once in a while, you prayed to god, and hoped he would finally listen to you this time. that he would save his child, and perform a miracle.

but a miracle never came as rafe manhandled you, pinning you down on the cement ground of the basement.

“shut the fuck up! stop crying!” he yelled, a solid punch coming to your cheek, and you yelped, an easy gush of blood rushing out of your mouth. “you’re a fuckin’ backstabber. after everything i’ve done for you, gonna treat me like that?”

you cried, shaking your head. “r—rafe, please! i’ll be good, i’ll stop!”

“don’t trust you, little one. can’t let you ruin everything,” rafe said, reaching for something out of his back pocket.

the more you fought back, the more angry he got; the more you fueled the fire that rested in his hands and body.

before you could let out another plead, a sharp pain was made into your abdomen.

rafe stabbed you — and he wasn’t planning on stopping there.

god wasn’t there. you would show up to his gates in this condition, and ask him why he let it happen. if god is real, why did he bear witness instead of saving you?

rafe doesn’t recall killing you.

he remembers grabbing, and dragging you down into wine cellar basement, but couldn’t be able to tell anyone what happened after that. all he knows your blood was quite literally on his hand, knife shaking in his grip.

your babydoll white dress was now stained with violence and scarlet red blood.

the sight should’ve made him sick, but it didn’t. he just stared at you, breathing heavy, and it didn’t strike him until a while later that he had killed you.

rafe cameron had killed the love of his life.

he only panicked when it came to how to dispose your body, take off any evidence that could trace back to him. he was more than willing to dump your body in the woods, let any gators eat at you for supper.

he tossed your body only hours later in the depths of the woods, and it didn’t take long until you were reported missing.

of course, he was questioned first. it was easy for him to play the concerned boyfriend, crying because he also hadn’t heard from you, saying he had been texting and calling you for hours.

your parents sobbed on the news and asking anyone to come forward with any information, that they’ll give up however much money for their child to come home.

rafe just stared numbly at the television screen, a cup of scotch in his hand.

your best friends, the pogues, sobbed for days, and even started a search party for you. rafe made sure to dig you levels down in those woods when the ground was wet enough to dig up, and cover you up.

sarah cameron had a feeling her brother had something to do with your ‘disappearance’ but it was only just a gut intuition, she couldn’t prove it. she always questioned why you got with her brother, always emphasizing how horrible and violent he was, but you would tell her, “you don’t know him like i do; you don’t know how much he loves me, and takes care of me.”

kiara knew how bad rafe was — for god sake, she momentarily went to the academy around the same time he was a senior. she knew he wasn’t destined to be a boyfriend, let alone even in a fucking relationship.

the boys of the group were beyond furious, the three wanting to round up and take ahold of rafe, beat some information out of him. but they knew you wouldn’t want that, and that rafe would easily get the police to arrest them.

however, months passed, and you slowly became a memory to not only the town, but to rafe himself. he went on with his days like nothing occurred, that he didn’t violently take the life of his girlfriend.

you weren’t on his mind anymore, and he didn’t have to worry about you anymore.

or so he thought.

karma and revenge go hand in hand together; they mingle and burst out, they make sure they arrive at the doorstep of the people who deserve it.

rafe always thought getting rid of you would avoid his downfall, but the murder of you was just the beginning of it all.

he slept peacefully like he had done for a while now, with him about to drown into a deep sleep. he rested with his hands laid atop of his stomach, comfortable and at solitude, a female whisper woke him up.

he peeked around, but saw no one. he assumed he was just sleep deprived and imagining things, his eyes closing again for sleep.

“do you feel sick yet?” the voice that sounded like yours came through, more clearer and visible. he shot up, and turned on his bedside lamp.

nothing. no one. not you.

why would he have to feel sick? you were gone, you were no longer a problem.

rafe shook it off, and was able to go back to sleep.

you were angry in the afterlife. you stared at rafe from heaven, trembling with rage and regret. a man you once loved, had acted as if you never existed. you adored him, and he disposed you like garbage.

you just wanted to be his, wanted him to tell you that you were his only; that he loved you as much as you did to him, that he would change and better himself for you.

that the violence would dissipate, and his rough hands would be nurtured with love and softness.

but no. that never came, and never would.

you were taunted by your murder, burning with the need to remind rafe of how sick he was.

your violent lover let you bleed before him, and without tending to your wounds or simply sitting with immediate regret, he soaked in his actions and dismissed it.

why couldn’t he be gentle? was him painting you blue and purple not enough? did he have to go as far as killing his lover to satisfy the disdain and vexation he held for you?

was that enough? was that enough to make you enough?

rafe’s nights slowly turned interrupted and sleepless. your voice was always there, and time to time, he thought he saw you standing in his bedroom, drenched in blood and with tears streaming down your face as you kept asking him, “do you feel sick yet?”

sick. not regretful. fucking sick.

sleep deprivation was catching up to him, making him more mean and angry than usual, more out of control.

the coke wasn’t even helping either, only making everything worse.

he was at barry’s trailer, snorting endless lines of the white powder, trying to shake off the sight of you from last night.

“country club, you good?” barry asked, and rafe didn’t respond. “you don’t seem well, bro.”

“just need this shit, okay?” rafe mumbled, separating another drop of cocaine. “just… just want to sleep, need it.”

barry didn’t want to push him with more questions, minding his own business as the blond haired boy snorted up excessive amounts of lines.

rafe ended falling asleep on his couch, barry mindlessly scrolling on his own phone as he laid down on his bed.

the cold air from the air conditioner ran around in the basement, making it more freezing and chilling than usual.

rafe could smell strawberry perfume, indicating you were around. he looked around, and saw nothing of you.

“where are you!” he screamed. “you can’t scare me, you bitch!”

“i’m not here to scare you,” you talked, rafe spinning around to find you perched in the corner of the basement. you careened closer, the dim light emphasizing on your mangled body.

rafe stared at your stomach, where immense stab wounds laid on it. he swallowed thickly, his breath shaking and jagged.

“do you feel sick?” you asked, and rafe looked up at you. he couldn’t move in this dream, he was paralyzed and a witness to your lacerated body.

nausea and despair washed over rafe, almost consuming him entirely.

you were finally face to face with him, your hair disheveled and bunched, face stained with tears and runny makeup, all for him to look at.

rafe could feel your physical touch, your soft hand grabbing his, and made his palm touch your abdomen. he almost fucking threw up.

you could see it, you could see he was wanting to vomit everywhere. “am i making you feel sick?” you asked, and rafe shivered, forcing his hand to put more pressure on your stomach, blood rushing out onto it. “am i making you feel sick?”

rafe screamed and lurched up, his eyes opening and alarming barry. “woah, what the fuck, rafe!” barry shouted, and rafe breathed rapidly, his heart thumping against his chest, a need to vomit.

rafe brought his face into his hands, trying to shake everything out of his hand.

your face, your touch, your blood — he felt it all. he was being reminded of you, when he didn’t want to.

barry kept asking him what was wrong, why he was crying, if he was okay, but all rafe could focus on was your voice asking, “am i making you feel sick?”

he was no longer immune to his destruction. he was becoming infected by it. you were a disease that he couldn’t treat, a parasite that ate at his brain.

he would never get rid of you — and you would make sure that he never did.

it was month seven without you, and you became a faded name to the outer banks. the only people who lived on to tell your name was your parents, and your best friends. the pogues carved your name into the chateau’s tree, a ceremonial bench placed at the high school.

your body or you weren’t ever discovered, but the police had listed you as deceased. you weren’t a runaway, you were eighteen, and had nothing to runaway for. when you couldn’t be traced anywhere on the grid, the police pronounced you dead, and that was that.

pictures of you and any sort of evidence remained in a cardboard box somewhere in the police station. you were left to rot in every way.

you were tired of being forgotten, but more exhausted that nobody knew that your boyfriend did this, and you probably weren’t going to be the first girl he killed.

rafe cameron needed to know what he did, and you wanted to do everything you could to make him drag himself to the police station, sit down, and say, “i killed her — and i enjoyed every fucking second of it.”

madness was becoming rafe. he was already an insane, depraved fuck before, but the lack of sleep and memories of the murder were catching up to him for good.

dark circles were around his eyes, hair greasy and messy, his body tired. he felt like he was going to snap any second.

he kept drinking, smoking weed and doing coke back to back, surprised that his heart didn’t give out yet.

a random exhaustion toll pushed over him, laying him down on the floor of his bedroom, and his eyes threatened to snap shut.

he didn’t want to sleep, he was afraid to. he was afraid to see you, with your bloody dress and sad face, making him touch your wounds.

rafe didn’t win the fight of sleeping, and he knocked out cold on his bedroom floor.

he wasn’t in the basement, he was in his bedroom, and he could hear your feet padding away to the front of the house, to your car.

oh, he was reliving the night. and he couldn’t stop. he couldn’t get out of the memory — he was facing everything.

he saw you bloody by his doorframe, and you tilted your head. “why are you doing this?” he asked, his voice sounding as if he was trapped in a void.

you only frowned. “so you know.”

like a reflex, rafe hurriedly rushed over to you outside before you could get away, seizing you away, and taking you to the basement.

he pinned you down to the ground, and screamed at you to stop crying, upset and angry you were willing to betray him when he did everything for you.

you were sobbing, but it became echoes and his ears rang, everything around him becoming silent except his own heavy breathing. he grabbed the knife that sat in his pocket, and he could see your eyes widen with fear to the sight of the object.

“rafe!” you screamed in the first stab. he hit you sharp and right in the abdomen.

he held his knife there for a second, like time was freezing him, and he felt a hot breath at the side of his face.

it was you.

“am i making you feel sick?” you asked, and rafe proceeded to stab you as you sobbed. you cried out his name, trying to fight away the knife, promising to be good and for him to stop.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

rafe couldn’t stop, he couldn’t control himself. he kept stabbing you as you screamed. he was a monster, with the inability to suppress his anger or violence.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

a part you thought you were making him feel sick because of how mutilated your body was; that the body he was once desired, was now filling him with disgust. you wondered if how butchered you looked, was making him uncomfortable and sick. he didn’t deserve your concern, but it happened anyway. was it making him sick?

rafe wanted to cry, but couldn’t. he was revisiting the person he was in this moment, and could see life vanish from your eyes, death taking you away.

he took one last stab, and held it there like the first one. you kneeled in front of him, looking over at your corpse for a moment before your eyes settled into his raging ones.

he held prolonged eye contact with you as you inched your face close to his, but kept a safe distance. you placed your hand on top of his murdering one, and with a blank face, lastly asking him, “am i making you feel sick?”

rafe broke eye contact with you to look at your deceased body, and realized and remembered this murder. your organs could be nearly seen, blood gushed and poured out everywhere, your body cold and still.

he dropped the knife, and eyed you. “i’m sorry.”

you shook your head, and sighed. “you will revisit this everyday as long as you live,” you said, sniffling. “all i wanted was to be yours, and be good enough, rafe. was i no good?”

he didn’t have an answer, and with that, you got up, staring over at your body. “i want you to know,” you chuckled softly to yourself, “i never blamed you for loving me the way that you did. i forgive you, especially since i’m happier where i’m at.”

“heaven?” rafe asked.

you nodded. “you won’t make it here, but i’ll still hope and wait that you do — because i love you too much to let god be angry with you too.”

“he’s an angry man?”

“he’s angry and unfair,” you responded. “like someone i know. i loved god, i loved you; two men who didn’t view me as much, who don’t deserve for me to believe in them.”

rafe went quiet, and enough time went by for you to disappear for good to let rafe cry, and scream. he cried and sobbed, dry heaving as he vomited everywhere to the sight of you.

he killed you, and as long as he kept it to himself, you would drive him mad and insane with the knowing of it.

rafe cameron confessed to your murder only hours later. he drove himself to the police station, and confessed to every detail, telling sheriff shope where your body was.

they found your maimed body in the exact location where rafe told them it was, your body already decomposing into near bones, eaten by critters and bugs.

the earth was consuming you.

he was hated forever, the town wanted him torched or given the death penalty. it would be a while until he got a trial.

your funeral could be proper with your body in a casket, given a rightful way to be down in the ground, protected and secured by a box stuffed with silk fabric.

you could see your mom cry, and you wish she wouldn’t. your father had to give the prayer at your funeral, your best friends sobbing, and hating themselves for not getting you away from rafe sooner.

however, your death was simply inevitable. if rafe didn’t kill you, your love for him would. he was everything to you.

even when he was murdering you — getting a vile satisfaction from it — you were worried about him, if you and your maimed body was making him feel more nauseous and sick than the actual murder was.

rafe would live with the knowing that you truly loved him, and he took your life every single day that he spent in a prison block cell.

and your ghost would continue to linger and haunt him, never letting him know peace and serenity as he never did to you.

#rafe cameron #outer banks #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron outer banks #obx #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron fluff #drew starkey obx #drew starkey one shot #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron x you #rafe outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #drew starkey x reader #outer banks imagine #rafe cameron angst #rafe cameron x female reader

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

hey! i love your posts! i was wondering if you could possibly do an analysis on the infamous bathroom scene? why does kaz choose this time to get close to inej and help her with her bandages? do you think he went in with the intention to try and give her physical affection or did it just happen? why does he choose to kiss her neck and is there significance to that? no rush, but i’d love to hear your thoughts!

Thanks so much for your question! I know you said I rush but it really has been a long time so I’m so sorry this took forever, but let’s go!

So the bathroom scene begins very specifically parallel with one of the earliest scenes of Six of Crows, when Kaz is washing in his room at the Slat and Inej walks in to deliver him news, and I think this is supposed to give us a sense of finality. It increases the tension, because at this point the reader is very aware that not everyone is necessarily going to survive Kaz's plan and having this echo could therefore look something frighteningly like closure to prepare us for losing one or both of the pair. Now this can be interpreted as a red herring, Leigh Bardugo is the queen of hitting where the mark’s not looking and she feeds us a lot of red herrings to hide her actual foreshadowing (I made a post about it a while ago now but in summary she’s a genius), and this could definitely be an extension of that to draw attention away from Matthias, similarly to how she focuses on the possibility of Matthias losing Nina a lot more than she does Nina losing Matthias, or it could be a hark back to Inej looking at the murals of animals running in circles in Six of Crows, describing them as “destined to chase each other for as long as the Ice Court stood” (or along those lines sorry I don’t have my books with me at the minute) as a metaphor for her and Kaz’s relationship. I think that the cyclical nature of this scene is meant to reference that in order to suggest that actually they have found a way to break the cycle, because they succeeded at the Ice Court, they metaphorically brought it down and so the cycle is broken, and the fact that there are several distinct differences between these parallel scenes enhances that for me.

This scene is only given to us in detail from Kaz's POV, whereas the early scene is from Inej's, and in each case the opposite character is arguably in the more vulnerable appearing position. In the first scene Kaz is shirtless, washing blood off himself, and Inej is actively discomforted by the immodesty of the interaction between them. In the bathroom scene, Inej has removed her tunic and I believe is wearing a tank top, which for her is a massively vulnerable way to be seen because she covers most of her skin all the time - particularly her arms because of her scars from the removal of the Menagerie tattoo. By this point the scars has been removed by Nina when she was high on parem, but that doesn't make Inej's psychological connection to them end and it definitely doesn't decrease her feeling of vulnerability when her skin is on show. There's also the added tension of Inej being injured in this scene. Although both scenes are in the aftermath of danger, the bathroom scene has a far stronger sense of the further danger to come than the earlier one did, since at the time we knew so little of the heist and the plan. Inej's injury solidifies this and makes the danger feel constant and real, as well as intensely increasing her vulnerability in a way that she is very aware of.

The fact that Kaz chooses now to get close to her intensifies this sense of danger and makes the reader very aware that Kaz Brekker, the Bastard of the Barrel, the man we have witnessed successfully breaking in and out of the Ice Court, cutting out a man's eye, scaring a small child so badly she'll probably need therapy as an adult, murdering, thieving, and being so committed to his plans that he swallowed and regurgitated a set of lockpicks without a second thought, is actually, genuinely terrified that he won't come back from the next stage of his plan. In fact he's so terrified that he has decided to face the only other thing that frightens him, so that if he dies today at least he tried. I'm not sure if he went in with the intention of moving from helping her with the bandages to physical intimacy, because even the bandages alone would be a huge step for him. It's possible that once he'd committed to helping her with the bandages anyway, that he decided to push himself as far as possible in case he never got another chance. Possibly if he'd taken things in smaller steps he would have been able to cope with helping her today, and then know that he could help her again, and maybe one day after that he'll be able to kiss her. But one of the things that makes this moment so beautiful is that this is a snippet of time where Kaz and Inej are the only thing that exist, there is no future and if they try hard enough maybe there can be no past, maybe there can just be the present, there can just be this. Kaz takes these steps now becasue he doesn't see a chance to do it again, and although this does wonders to enhance the importance and the beauty of the scene it is also terrifying as a reader to face the very real possibility of Kaz not coming back.

I’m really glad you mentioned him kissing her neck because I do think it’s possibly symbolic and quite meaningful. Whilst both of them struggle with physical contact to different capacities, it’s important to note that whilst Kaz’s fear of contact has made intimacy a seeming impossibility for him, for Inej it’s intimacy itself that’s the biggest influence on her pain. She struggles with any contact she isn’t prepared for beforehand, but only ever finds it worth explaining when it’s a form of intimacy - “the first time Nina hugged me, I flinched”. Even though Inej consents in the scene and doesn’t, at least not vocally or physically and therefore not to the reader’s knowledge, change her mind, she never initiates anything. I think this is important because it forces Kaz to be the one who handles the initial contact; if she touched him skin-on-skin without him forcing himself to do so first then he probably would have shut down and panicked a lot sooner because he wasn’t in control. But he also shows such an important understanding that Inej also needs some level of control. And that control comes in her decision to return the kiss. If he kissed her lips she would be forced to face the prospect of her worst fear “would she kiss him back? Could she be herself in such a moment or […] a doll in his arms, a girl who would never quite be whole”. (Again, sorry, operating on memory alone for the quotes). By kissing her neck, Kaz is able to create this moment of sensuality without taking control of it any more than he needs to for his own sake, making sure that the choice always remains hers. It also makes me think of when Nina kisses Matthias on the neck whilst searching his pockets for parem, when she says that she didn’t kiss his lips because she would not let the drug take that from her. Leigh Bardugo establishes this kiss on the lips as something powerful early on in the book and it comes into play once again here, with Kaz and Inej acknowledging that kind of connection to be a far more symbolic one for them than an initial contact is. In much the same way that Kaz refused to be the one to mark Inej again, he will not be the one to kiss her lips and create a situation she is unprepared to deal with. Ultimately, he has to be able to touch her skin first, and she has to be able to kiss his lips first.

Ok I wasn't one hundred percent sure how I was going to go about this and then suddenly all of that was on the page, but I think what I'm going to do now is pick some specific quotes or moments from the scene to talk about.

"I don't have the words to thank you" "I'm sure the Suli have a thousand proverbs for such an occasion" "words have not been invented for such an occasion" "if I end up on the gallows you can say something nice over the corpse" - honestly not sure if I have anything to say about this I just love this conversation so damn much

"if that were true my shadow would have put Ketterdam in permananent night" "maybe. or maybe your someone else's shadow" "You mean Pekka" - I feel like I talk about Kaz being Pekka's shadow an awful lot but I am just so obsessed with the idea, they are literary foils but there are also such important distinct differences between them it’s just incredible

“I don’t sell girl into brothels, I don’t con helpless kids out if their money” “look at the floor of the crow club, Kaz,” - okay so of the same vein and again I feel like I talk about it a lot, in fact it’s literally what inspired the entire fic im writing (if you wanna read it all the chapters are tagged under “Maya Olsen oc”) but these lines are so goddamn heartbreaking I will never get over them

“How could she still look at the world that way?” - it’s just really interesting to me to have this direct address of comparison of the way their view has been shaped by their experiences, particularly as I’ve talked a lot about Inej having to come to terms with the idea that what happened to her isn’t just a cruel part of the world but an individual piece of a cruel world especially with seeing the “Rare Spices” billboard using hyper-sexualised Suli women to sell the products (I made a whole post on that too) and yet still she sees hope in the world. A lot of this I think is to do with her faith, because instead of believing that there can be no god or saints or other form of deity because of the cruelty in the world, as Kaz does (it’s confirmed that he prayed as a child but is obviously now very atheistic, though we don’t get a lot of detail about what religion he may or may not have practiced), a big part of Inej’s path to hell by is believing that fate planned this for her so that it would lead her to stopping it from happening to others. I struggle with this idea because it seems to imply that it makes her pain worthy of going through when obviously no-one should ever have to experience such trauma, but there are many different ways of interpreting this and personally I don’t think that Inej believes her Saints did this to her for a reason but that she believes they have found a reason for her to continue after after the fact and given her a cause in order to help her through her experiences. I hope this makes sense it’s starting to feel a bit ramble-y

Oh my god I just wrote loads after that and it didn’t save. Oh my god no I can’t believe it I’ve been writing for so long 😭 ok erm… oh god I’m so annoyed right now I can’t remember everything I wrote and it was so much like I’d nearly got to the end of the chapter doing a quote by quote analysis. Ok I’m going to try and reconstruct what I did but please bare with if this isn’t my best work because usually I write very freely when I do these and just throw whatever comes into my head into the page so cautiously trying to think back to what I said originally might make it come across a bit stilted.

I can’t believe I’ve done this 😭

“The distance between them felt like nothing. It felt like miles” - his internal conflict is so brilliantly written and it’s so heartbreaking; the way this is far too close but it’s much too far away

“Graceful as always. A girl underwater” - again this internal conflict, the way she’s underwater because her movements are fluid but she’s also underwater because to touch her it to drown

“His gloves lay discarded […] they looked like dead animals”

“Maybe he would never get to the Slat. Maybe this would kill him.”

“Inej’s eyes were wide and dark. Lost planets. Black moons” - I will never shut up about the fact that soc starts with Joost wishing Anya had blue eyes instead of brown so they were easier to compliment, and then the two books are absolutely overflowing with Kaz and Inej describing each other’s beautiful brown eyes

“It’s shame that eats men whole. He was drowning it. Drowning in the Ketterdam harbour”

“Even now a boy will smile at me on the street, or Jesper will put his arm around my waist, and I feel I’m going to vanish,” - this is such and important moment, this scene is the most vulnerable and open Inej ever is out loud and I think it’s such a massive concession to her trust in Kaz. I think that, especially because the scene is written from Kaz’s perspective, we get a lot more emphasis on his struggle than on Inej’s and although it’s really important to discuss Kaz I do think that sometimes we tread a thin line of focusing on him at the expense of losing focus on Inej and it’s so massively important to acknowledge both of them. This is also one of the things that I think was the biggest downfall of the way the writing in shadow and bone season 2 treated Inej, although I absolutely adore the show and I think that everything Amita Suman does shows that she understands the character in a deep and beautiful level, I also think it’s so so important to realise that not once in either season does that script actually state that the Menagerie is a brothel. One of my friends who hasn’t read the books didn’t get the full picture of Inej’s backstory until I filled in some small gaps for her because the writing just didn’t do her full justice, and I think that’s really unfortunate not least because it means that to some who hasn’t read the books a lot of Inej’s actions in season 2 would come across as her trying rush Kaz into something he isn’t ready for when that isn’t the situation in the slightest

“The room tilted. He clung to the tether of her voice” - I’ve seen a lot of stuff online about the focus points of contact between grishaverse couples and the way their represented, for example with Malina it’s their hands (the way they hold hands as Alina is grabbed by Volcra and it amplifies her power, the way they reach to intertwine their fingers in the meadow, etc). And most of these label the eyes as Kanej’s focal point of contact, and whilst I agree with that I also think that the voice is a massively underrepresented one, especially from Kaz’s perspective. It’s Inej’s voice that helps him work through his panic attack in soc and it’s Inej’s voice that keeps him afloat now, arguably because it’s a form of connection between them that requires no closeness or input, it just exists and can be relied upon.

“I live in fear that I’ll see one of her… one of my clients on the street. For a long time I thought I recognised them everywhere. But sometimes I think what they did to me wasn’t the worst of it” - okay I want to warn you guys now I wrote a long and in depth analysis on this quote and I was incredibly passionate and very proud of it so I’n really really annoyed it didn’t save, and I’m sorry because my analysis now is probably not going to live up to what I wrote earlier but here we go:

For me, this is a massively important quote and there are two ways to read it. Firstly, that when she refers to “her” Inej means Heleen but edits her words as a continuation of this vulnerability she is forcing herself to share. The second is going to link to something I said a while ago about how we could compare a separation of “Inej” and “The Wraith” to the separation of “Kaz” and “Dirtyhands”, but this is a bit more like the separation of “Rietveld” and “Brekker”. Inej talks a lot about how she would leave her body behind to exist only in her mind, in passages I find particularly reminiscent of passages in The Handmaid’s Tale (although please note soc is not very explicit whereas tht is incredibly explicit). But to take that idea further, I think there are certain hints, and I think this is possibly the biggest one, to imply that one of Inej’s ptsd responses it to actually view herself today as a separate entity from who she was during her indenture, effectively saying ‘yes these things happened to this body but they didn’t happen to this mind so that should make it easier’ to herself, which is massively self-destructive in nature because it almost creates this idea that she needs to get over who she once was and move on, very similar to the way Kaz Brekker represses Kaz Rietveld. Arguably, what she’s saying is the worst of it is this fracturing of the self that has been created by what they put her through and that she cannot seem to escape from. Now obviously I don’t know the intent behind Leigh Bardugo’s words and I want to be very clear that there are different possible interpretations of this, this one in particular does happen to more darkly resonate with her ptsd that does not make it correct or incorrect but I think it’s worth considering, especially when it adds another layer to the parallels between her and Kaz.

Ok I’m not going to write out the full quote because it’s quite long but starting from the line “Tante Heleen wasn’t always cruel” - now I talked about this a bit in my post about a comparison between Inej and Wylan as subsequent to a comparison between Heleen and Van Eck, but very specifically in this passage Inej describes this horrifying, heart-shattering image of the way Heleen attempted to instil something akin to Stockholm Syndrome within the girls at the Menagerie, by forcing them to believe that she was their only hope for survival, that she was kinder to them than anyone else would be, that they had to prove they deserved to stay with her, that any abuse she brought down on them came from a place of some kind of twisted love or care because she had to do this to make them understand, that if they would just be good and if they would just understand then she wouldn’t have to hurt them but they won’t do they are forcing her to do this. It’s so painful and it tells us so much detail about Inej’s experience without actually going into tiny explicit details.

“Feeling regret and release as he broke contact with her skin” - again so brilliantly highlighting his internal conflict

“He could feel the warmth of her on his fingers like fever” - if I had a list of my favourite similes in literature… well it would be very long, but this would be on it!!! The subtlety and yet emphasis on Kaz’s internal conflict is so beautifully written here, with the warmth of her flesh against his creating this sensual atmosphere but the comparison of it to fever, to the illness that killed Jordie and took Kaz to the Reaper’s Barge, adds to the way the reminder of his pain is threaded through every moment even when he isn’t physically suffering a flashback, it’s just constantly present and inescapable

“That rapid pulse fluttering in her throat. Alive. Alive. Alive” - agaiiiiiiiiiiiin with the so brilliantly written internal conflict I will never get over. The entire scene is at war with itself, every sentence at odds with its own content. The sexual tension created in the image of the fast heart rate and the way this makes you feel alive versus the desperate need to keep reminding himself that she is alive and breathing she is not a body on the Reaper’s Barge.

Ohhhhh just the whole description of Kaz saying “after all she’d endured, he was the weak one” and explaining the pain of watching the others able to hold each other, how difficult it is to see Nina hug her and Jesper out his arm around her genuinely makes me want to cry, it resonates so sadly with the scene when they arrive at the Geldrenner and all the others are hugging and so happy to see each other alive, and Nina says that even if Kaz isn’t happy to see them they’re happy to see him, meanwhile Kaz is in a war of self loathing because he so intensely fears that they hate him because they think he hates them but he has no way of expressing himself and it’s just ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you know?

“He watched that pulse, the evidence of her heart”

The whole passage that follows this moment I can’t explain it any other way than I feel like I’m melting every time I read it. I saw a Tumblr post someone had put on Pinterest recently and if I find it again I’ll put the op username in the comments but it basically said that when a writer can write something that isn’t a sex scene as if it’s a sex scene that it’s kind of magical and I think in a lot of ways this resonates massively with this scene

Ugh and then I want to cry again when he can’t cope and the I ability to express himself becomes anger and becomes descriptions of violence. This is the only time we get a full feel for the absolute unending mess of Kaz’s theist for revenge; it’s never enough, not the banks, not the attorneys, not the man from the cafe, not the boy who lured them in, not Margit, not Saskia, and Pekka Rollins won’t be. I always wonder if it’s important that we’re never told what he did to Saskia. We know that the roper was tortured and left dead with “the key to a wind up dog shoved down his throat” so we know Kaz exercises some kind of poetic justice in his violence, and we see that in his revenge against Rollins too. Maybe he strangled her with a red hair ribbon. Maybe he never actually hurt her. Maybe he couldn’t bring himself to.

“You don’t ask for forgiveness Kaz. You earn it,” “and is that what you intend to do? By hunting slavers?” “By hunting slavers” - maybe it’s just because of the intonation choice on my audiobook (which btw is awesome shout out to the narrators of the audiobook love you guys) but this to me comes across as Kaz attempting to mock Inej in his harried, terrified, clearly losing control state and her so calmly standing her ground and standing by what she believes in

“His eyes scanned her face […] snatching at the pieces of her like the thief he was”

“But if he was going to die today maybe the one thing he’d earned was the memory of her, brighter than anything he would ever have a right to, to take with him to the other side.”

The way the last moments of the scene include him putting back in the gloves, reconstructing the armour

“He might as well go to meet his death in style” - this is gonna be out of tune with everything else I’ve said but damn what an icon love this line

“Whatever happens to me, survive this city. Get your ship, have your vengeance, carve your name into their bones, but survive this mess I’ve gotten us into.” - I may simply ✨cease to exist✨. But genuinely I’ve mentioned several times before about how the city of Ketterdam almost becomes it’s own character as the antagonist because ultimately it’s the system, not any individual, that has to be defeated and I think this quote highlights it so well. There are individual people that have to be dealt with and deserve everything that will be brought done upon them, but it’s the city itself that you have to watch out for or it will swallow you whole

I’m not going to go into detail about their tells because I’ve made a post devoted to them before and good lord this post is getting long, but I just want to emphasise that it’s a brilliant passage

“If you’ve ever cared about me at all, don’t follow” - I just absolutely adore that the next chapter starts with Inej following him mimicking these exact words I love her so damn much it makes giggle every time

“Inej was wrong about one thing. He knew exactly what he intended to leave behind when was gone: Damage” - *collapses* God I adore this there are no words

Ok wow if you made it this far thank you so much for reading this honestly I’m very impressed that you did because this is long. There are definitely details that I’ve lost because I had to require so much of it, which is a real shame but there’s still a lot to talk about here and I’ve written so much is possibly best for the sake of all our sanity’s that there isn’t more. Sorry I took so long to respond to your question but thank you so so much for asking it, I hope you all like this and that it at least made some sense because as I’ve said before these things often make more sense in my own head than they do on paper. Thanks for reading 💖

#this may actually be *too* long #is there a point when it becomes unreasonable? #I was going to make a joke about my Roman Empire but I don’t think any of you needed telling that it was these beautiful novels #they actually just consume me #grishaverse #six of crows #leigh bardugo #crooked kingdom #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #nina zenik #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #matthias helvar #kanej #I’ve been in a very kanej mood recently #live laugh love kanej #kanej has my whole heart #kanej bathroom scene #ck bathroom scene #kanej brainrot #*cries in kanej*

[heartidylla]

𝑳𝑶𝑵𝑮 𝑳𝑰𝑽𝑬 ; LEON KENNEDY — OVERVIEW

summary ; introduces you, elias and charlottes past, connections, & parents.

paring ; leon kennedy x f!reader

word count ; 1.4k

pronouns ; you (2nd pov)

warnings ; mentions of abuse

your memory of the first day you were pronounced a commander of squad nine is extremely foggy within your already tangled mental state. your father, the head of a group within some fragment of the governments military, had started to train you into becoming the perfect leader since you were able to talk.

you didn't — and probably won't ever understand why he would ever structure the traits of a soldier into the mind of an innocent child who only wanted to focus on learning how to color in the lines, maybe it was because he needed to get his mind off of the horrid things he seen during his time of service, or maybe it was simply out of the cruelty that grief brings due to your mothers early passing; either way, you couldn't ever question his character without a punishment.

you never referred to him as dad, father, or anything of the sort. it was mostly silent nodding for the past 21 years of your life since it never felt like he was your dad. he was more like a higher ranked official that you had to respect or you'd be running sprints around the building.

adding onto that point, you never were able to watch movies, eat popcorn, and just laugh with him. it was always training, and you never understood what you were training for.

that was, until you met her.

charlotte levine, the daughter of a higher up within the company of umbrella. the first time you met her was when she had been undergoing a classified procedure.

the moment your fourteen year old eyes looked through the one way window, you felt a sickness build within your throat. she was strapped into a chair, looking lifelessly out into the distance. her brown eyes were dull, and she truly seemed dead which completely contrasted her raising and falling chest. she looked tired — extremely tired at that, as if she had been sucked out of life during her years in this secluded section of the building.

you quickly took notice to the scars on her wrist due to just how tight she was confined. it seemed like they were petrified of her — or whatever she could do to them. she had messy brown hair which didn't seem to be maintained for awhile, but if it was her hair would fall to medium length.

she probably hadn't been given the opportunity to take a shower either which even the thought of not having that privilege caused your chest to tighten. honestly, you didn't blame her for the way she expressed herself either since you've heard about her past before.

she had started these procedures when she was a newborn. her cold father had ripped the mother of custody with his intimidating stack of money in his bank account. he promised the court that she would have a better life with him. what a load of shit that was.

though, it goes to show how the fucked up court system will side with a man before any woman as if we are some kind of lying idiots who don't know what to do, how to continue, or where to go when we finally break free from an abusive relationship or a traumatic experience caused by a man.

just like you, she wasn't treated like a daughter either. unlike you, she had always been stuffed in a cage or simply a box when she was a newborn. there would be caretakers who would come by and take care of her needs, be a mother figure to her. most of them, if asked now, would say she was a nice young girl who had been taken advantage of. however, you'd never be able to ask that because they're dead.

the moment she was able to do everything on her own, your father and board of others (which included her father) decided to cover their tracks and have them all executed.

it's horrifying to think about how easy it was to come to the conclusion of murdering the women who had been so nice to her, and even worse to realize that they did it in front of her.

you were assigned with a boy, elias ledford, to watch over her while the adults attended to their studies on her next procedure to becoming whatever they wanted her to be. truly, you didn't even understand yourself since you were completely left out in the dark about what exactly they had planned for her future.

you never tried to talk to her due to the fear of your father being displeased with your efforts; however, elias did. he'd talk to her a lot, continuously blabbing on about everything to her.

at first she'd never talk back, but you truly think she liked hearing him speak. nobody even took the time and effort into doing anything before, so you were certain she had to of liked it slightly.

however, during the first couples months she'd just stay in her dark corner which always seemed to be the safest place for her in the prison cell, and yes, it was a prison cell for her.

as time went on, the closer elias and she had got. though, it wasn't any of your business so you stayed out of it. you weren't one to ever want to make friends because you hadn't ever been given the chance to truly think about life outside of training. not once had you ever gotten a moment to just do whatever you wanted.

all of that changed about  though, the day your fathers plan blew up in his face — all of the threes parents plan had completely turned upside down on them. the virus they had produced in order to "heal" people faster hadn't come out as they expected and it spread to the public.

hell was that day for you since your father had been on edge he expected you to do everything with the squad nine. squad nine is a group of three: you, charlotte, and elias, who are the umbrellas last standing line of defense.

you and elias were suppose to keep everything in check, and charlotte would be forced to listen to your commands and eliminate all those who posed a threat to the name of the company.

as soon as the red lights had flickered throughout the dark hallways, you and elias were quick to rush to the direction of charlottes cell. however, when you got there she had already pushed open the metal bars enough for her to slip through.

she looked up at them, eyes dull as ever. "i'm leaving, you either come with or die here." she sternly speaks which was the first time you had ever heard her hoarse voice. it sounded like she hadn't ever spoken before, or at least not for awhile. without a single expression on her face, she turned around and began to run down the hallway.

elias was the first one to follow, perhaps he wanted to leave just as much as she did. he always kept everything that has happened to him a secret, but he always had confided in charlotte for some reason. either way, it didn't surprise you how quick he was to run away from this shit hole.

honestly, you were just as excited to depart from it as well. your father had never gave you any kind of love — hell, you didn't even understand the meaning behind the word "love" anymore. you never even used that word when talking amongst your father — never.

he never did anything to achieve your love, or admiration for being a great father because he wasn't. he was a sick, sick man who traumatized kids for fun as he acted like the sacrifice of three individuals would be worth the income he'd and the others would get for their medicine.

that alone always irked you, building up within you for years on end. the constant thought that he — and the entire board, would do that to their own blood disgusted you. the disgust grew into rage which eventually evolved into hatred. 

in response to those rapid distasteful thoughts about your father, you realized they were the only ones who would ever understand what you have gone through because they were apart of it.

they were ripped from their childhood just like you had been and they were the only ones who'd accept you because you only had each other while growing up.

a unfamiliar feeling rose within you as your lips curved into a smile — or at least what you call a smile since you haven't moved your lip muscles this way for a got minute before rushing after them as well.

all three of you, the ones who had been taken advantage of since day one, finally escaping this nightmare which only led to a newer nightmare.

#fanfic #ao3 writer #wattpad #leon kennedy #leon kennedy x oc #leon kennedy fanfic #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy fanfiction #leon kennedy x y/n #leon kennedy re2 #leon kennedy resident evil #leon kennedy x reader #re4 leon #leon x reader #resident evil leon #leon fluff #leon angst #leon kennedy fluff #leon resident evil #re2 leon #resident evil remake #resident evil #reaident evil #resident evil fanfiction #resident evil fluff #x leon kennedy #found family #fandiction #fanfiction

[padfootdaredmetoo]

Hello! I saw you opened requests... May I ask for a female character x Tommy Shelby?

Here's the plot: the protagonist wants to kill him cause he's responsible of her brother's death. She knows he's vulnerable due to Grace's death and she gets close to him taking advantage on his need to have someone beside. A night of love is the perfect moment in which she can carry out her plan, having him alone, disarmed and off guard.. (So NSFW is perfectly ok 😝)

Whether she ends up killing him or not is up to you 🍷 surprise me ✨

I'd just like to have the female protagonist on the "dominant" part. Like... In the show Tom is always the one who wants everything under his supreme control and many fics depict him as such ... Well, he gives me totally opposite vibes, if you know what I mean 😂

That's all ✨ I'm looking forward to reading this! ❤

This was a super fun request!!!! I hope I got what you mean..... I tried really hard. Honestly kind of a slut for sub Tommy. Never thought about it before- but - I might be in love.

Any way because I'm such a softy I made two ending options.... I'll let you all decide which one I was more into ;)

Warnings: dealing with loss, murder, gang type stuff, seduction with bad intentions, sex, oral sex fem receiving, orgasms, kinda kinky, hopefully hot

Eventually the moment he was dreading was clear in view. The large house came into sight making his stomach turn violently. As if sensing it Charlie started to kick up a fuss. His little cries for his mother doing nothing to settle the pain in his chest. 

Grace was dead. This house was horrible. Charlie seemed to loudly agree in his own way. So why did he come back? 

Appearances mostly. He needed to get his feet back on the ground and settle the situation. The Russians had a tight rope around his neck, if only they would pull a little tighter. The Italians were waiting in the shadows like hungry wolves. 

Charlie’s pudgy little hand tugged on the white collar of his shirt making him hate himself for thinking such things. 

He got Charlie settled back into the house, envious of the sleeping child next to him. He had no idea when the next time he would be able to rest. 

There was a lot of work to be done. 

______

Readers POV

Growing up in a mob family was not what most people expected. Your brothers carried an unhealthy amount of pressure, while you were completely ignored.

The Shelby - Italian feud had carefully made its way to your family. Your youngest brother was to prove himself to the family & organization by killing the ever annoying Thomas Shelby. Not a simple task by any means. 

You wished it was you that pulled the trigger, you wouldn't have missed. The aftermath of Grace Shelby’s body crumpling to the floor left you with two dead brothers, and an engagement to a man you hated. They fought hard to get out but it was no use. He went for a grand shooting in the middle of the room, your other brother's attempt to get him out was useless. Your stomach twisted as you knew taking a shot like that was a suicide attempt… Maybe this was his way out of the family business. Tears stung your eyes and you shook your head, surely he wouldn't have left the consequences on his siblings? 

You felt trapped by this grief, maddened by it. The way everyone reacted, especially your father, started a mass unraveling of your whole life. You became buried under harsh realizations and questions on how you were raised. Everything started to evaporate once they were dead, leaving you with a drive to fix the unfixable. You knew that there was no way out of your life's path, yet your mind was determined, spinning in blood lust. 

You laid in bed as the cool summer air caressed your skin. Mind engulfed by every bit of information you had collected about what had happened. The cocky smiles of their faces the last time you saw them slowly fading, replaced by the heavier, more traumatizing memory of their broken bodies being returned to your family. 

The rest of the crime families your father associated with thought it pathetic, and embarrassing. Out of shame or fear from the Shelby family, people started to try and back away from your father. This meant you were requested to marry into the Changretta family. You were given the task to clear the family name, strengthen bonds, bring the business back, all well someone else got to destroy Thomas Shelby….

A plan had started to form in the absence of sleep. They were your brothers, it was your family given the task, naturally it should be you to complete the task. If you could kill Thomas your family's reputation would be restored earning you enough praise to slip out of the unwanted marriage. Not to mention they would surely benefit from the division of the Shelby estate. 

You drape yourself in black fabric and sit in church everyday. Asking for forgiveness, asking for a direction forward. More than revenge, you wanted a way to escape all this life. Killing Thomas just seemed like the best way forward. Looking at the statue of Mother Mary in front of you, her eyes filled with something you’d never felt. You wanted her to tell you what to do. 

No clouds in the sky broke, sending a beam of light into the room. No one descended from the sky. No messages fluttering from the grand ceiling. 

Instead a group of girls sat in the back of the church attempting to speak in hushed whispers. You were annoyed at first, until you recognised one of the voices to be Ruth Berryman, a known friend of Ada Shelby. You listened as she described the family's peculiar way of grieving the loss of Grace. How Thomas had disappeared and would be returning to the public eye in a charity event hosted at his house. She went on to speculate that he’d hidden himself away to drown in women and opium. 

You didn't have any opium, but you were remarkably pretty when you wanted to be… All you needed to do was dress up and sneak in, then get Thomas alone.

A silence fell over the space as Elizabeth Gray made an entrance. You pulled your scarf around your head a little tighter as you watched her slender frame fall into a seat. She looked exhausted, you felt a strange sense of sadness for her. The image of your brothers flashing in your mind pushed that feeling down until it was unreachable. 

___________________

Your parents were more distant than ever, no one noticed you plotting away in your bedroom. As long as you were on top of your wedding planning no one paid you any notice. The loneliness started to seep into your bones again, making you feel weighed down. You poured another cup of coffee trying to shake the feeling off. Everyone would see you clearly once this was over…

The night of the event had come around. You had an entrance secured and a clear exit plan. 

You looked over your body in the gold framed mirror. The fabric rested heavily on your curves. You would never normally wear anything like this, and you couldn't escape the powerful feeling it gave you. Your body was displayed in a way that was elegant while also being undeniably sexy. You pinned your dark hair up and did your make up. 

You’d never seduced anyone before but looking over your final look you felt it shouldn't be too hard.

You pulled up to the large house, leaving your car down by the road. You were late enough that no cars were pulling up the drive to notice your descent on the house. Your long black wool coat covered you from chin to ankle, making you look a part of the woven night. 

You made your entrance under a fake name and joined the mess without anyone thinking twice about you. 

_________________________

Tommy POV

He wished that this event had been unnecessary. The effort it took to stand about moving from conversation to conversation was almost unbearable. His bones were on fire, head pounding, all he could do was pour more whiskey and hoped it would take the edge off. The night dragged on, until a woman caught his eye. 

She was tall, wrapped in a tight red dress, and had a look in her eye. The room seemed to be swallowed by her presence, the light bending to wrap around her. Her dark eyes held a gaze that made it hard to breathe. She walked over to him like this was her house, tall and proud, despite not being invited. 

“Mr. Shelby.” Her voice floated around him like smoke. She looked content as he held the silence between them, searching her eyes for what secrets they were holding. 

“I don’t believe we’ve met?”

“Y/N L/N” She held her hand out to him. He knew she was lying but he couldn't help but the wave of desire that crashed over him and holding her slender fingers in his hand. 

They chatted for a while, no mention of Grace, or work. He met everyone of her lies and questions with honesty. He watched as his answers spun around in her eyes, she seemed conflicted, but not surprised. He wanted to impress her, but she was unmovable, like stone. She conducted the conversation, and decided which of his answers she wanted to elaborate on. 

Things started to wind down, and he regretfully had to remove himself from her presence to wrap the evening up. She showed no interest in leaving, pouring herself another glass of whiskey. 

Polly set in on him about how stupid this was, but he shrugged it off. He knew that there was something this woman wanted to say to him, he was determined to figure it out. Everything about her was weighted heavily with significance. She was here for a reason, maybe because of the Russians, maybe the Italians, but he felt it was something above business. She had nothing vicious in her eyes, there was something she wanted desperately, but it wasn't violence. 

___________________________

Readers POV 

Thomas Shelby was an interesting man. He didn't try to step on your toes, he let you lead the conversation. Never mocking, always hanging on your words. His answers were not what you expected. He wasn't what you expected. Every time you touched him you felt something bigger than grief for the first time in so long. 

Eventually he took you into his study to wait while he wished his guests well. You listened as his family loudly made their way upstairs. Stumbling and laughing on the stairs. Elizabeth Gray’s voice carried into the office as she laughed and poked fun at another Shelby woman. 

You thought about snooping around his desk but you were stopped by the picture of a woman staring back at you. 

His wife's eyes found the words in the back of your head and twisted them painfully. She was dead, and the sadness in him was still very visible to someone who was grieving just the same. Dead at the hands of your brother. He flashed before you and you started to feel sick. 

It was either this or be married. Unfortunately your mind was already set. 

Thomas entered the room slowly, his eyes dragging over your lounging body. The couch was comfortable and the fire light only made everything seem more warm and  intimate. 

“Sit with me?” It was meant to be a question but it came out more like an order. He looked at you for a moment before sitting next to you. He was so close you could feel the cold air still attached to his suit jacket. 

You didn’t want to talk anymore. It would only make this harder for you in the long run. You needed to get him out of his jacket, make sure he didn't have any weapons still on him. 

You raised your hand to brush your fingertips along the short hair on the side of his head. He closed his eyes, and leaned into your touch, your heart gave a twinge as the fire light only made him look more tired. 

You were going to fuck up if you kept this up. You dragged your hand down and tugged on his jacket, he wordlessly removed it. 

“And the vest” You whispered, there was something in his eyes that made you hate yourself. A wetness started to pool between your legs, even your own body was betraying you. 

You pulled your skirt up your thighs and moved to straddle his lap. His hands went to your hips to help settle you into place. You felt the power of sitting here on his lap, his eyes heavy as he looked at you. 

“Do you want to kiss me?” You asked in a smoky tone. His eyes flashed in a way that made you feel like gravity had increased. You were falling into him more and more.

“Yes” His tone was breathy and you wished things were different as you studied him. He was so willing to let you take charge. You liked being seen. 

He waited patiently for your mouth to reach his, he let your lips take charge, and you deepened the kiss slowly. He was breathless, cheeks flushed, his hands were digging into your hips painfully. You loved the way he clung to your body, how badly he needed you to take his pain away. 

Your hand wrapped around the side of his neck causing him to moan. You pushed his head back to rest on the top of the couch exposing the length of his pale throat. You went in for a deeper kiss, holding his neck firmly in place you—----

Option one: 

Take your other hand up to your chest and pull the small knife from between your breasts. Quickly you drag it across the skin of his neck. He gasped into your mouth as the blood started to rush down his body. You looked into his eyes and admired the love you felt. 

“Thank you” He whispered softly. You held his body while he left this earth for something better. He slipped away so peacefully you knew that it must have been more of a favor to him than anything. 

The house was quiet and you made your way to the window behind the desk and slipped away into the night peacefully. Things went back to usual in your family so you decided it was in your best interest to move on. The war got worse, Tommy's brothers took over and his Aunt was determined to destroy your family. You had the money, so you ran away, unnoticed, placing as much distance between you and Birmingham as possible.

Option Two:

You stopped suddenly. Looking over his face.

“Tell me what it is.” He whispered, pupils blown out. You knew that it would be suicide to tell him the truth. Death seemed like a friend you would greet with open arms. Your vision was filled with the photo on his desk, his wife. His dead wife. The smaller photos of a little boy. Eyes bright, motherless. You pressed your head against his and took a shaky breath. 

“My brother - I - I came here to kill you.” You watched how his face didn't change. Stayed just as relaxed and calm. 

“What have you decided then?” He asked like he was asking if it was raining. You knew a part of him wishes you would go through with it, just like there was a part of you that would be more than happy to die at his hand. 

“I can’t do it.” You said feeling a weight lift off of you. 

“Why not?” His eyes were back in focus now searching you. 

“You feel different -” You couldn't explain it. He was different and it was intoxicating. “And you have a kid upstairs.” You shook your head. You would either die right here, or you would go home to die everyday beside your husband. Either way you’d finally made your choice. 

His big hands ran along your body and you could see him weighing his options carefully. 

“Be a shame if either of us died without fucking first eh?” 

You nodded at his crude words and your mouths met again instantly. 

You both fought for control at first, ripping each other's clothes off, hands groping frantically. You ended up falling off the couch landing flat on your back. The texture of the carpet was surprisingly soft and the heat from the fire kept you comfortable. He parted your legs, leaning down towards you. You gripped a handful of the longer hair at the top of his head and used all your strength to push his head where you wanted it. He let out a deep moan as you pressed his face into your hot flesh. He submitted entirely and ate you out like he was starved. Tongue caressing you coupled with the sharp suction created by his mouth had you writhing. 

“Ah yes. So good. Fuck -Tom” Your words came spiraling out of you as he worked you over. His eyes flashed up at you with a different kind of need. He wanted to make you happy, he wanted to know it made you happy. 

You were getting close, but you wanted to cum around him. You pushed his face off and he got up on his knees, heavy cock standing proudly. You wrapped your slender finger around him, the walls off your pussy fluttering at the size of him. God he was going to destroy you. You could see he was about to lose his patience with your hand, you were naked and strung out. It was his time to take charge. 

“Are you ready?” You asked him, tightening your grip on him, you wanted to push him further. 

“Yes” He moved toward you but you only squeezed him further causing him to moan. 

“See if I’m ready” You whispered into his ear like it was a dirty secret. You felt his fingers push into you slowly and his head dropped to rest on your shoulder. You let out a moan when his fingers rubbed against the spot you needed him the most. 

“Feels so good, so good at stretching me open” You whisper, feeling his jaw clench against your neck. You wanted to see his face but wouldn't push him. You had no idea what you were doing or why it felt this good. 

“Feel how wet you made me?” He let out a deep groan and you felt his cock twitch in your hand. 

“You think I'm wet enough?” 

“Yes” He answered out of breath. 

“Are you sure? You're so big” 

“Fuck - Yes” He was so far gone and you’d barley touched him. You were fairly confident that you could make him cum just like this, and it would still be the hottest thing that had ever happened to him. 

“You want to fuck me now?” You pulled his cock against your wet folds causing him to make a small strangled noise. 

You took that as the answer it was, lining the head of his cock up with your wet entrance you guided his hips forward. You expected him to take over, rip through you to find his release, take his revenge. Instead he followed the wordless directions of the hand you had placed on his hip. This time it was your turn to groan. He stretched you out so slowly, soon you were at your limit. Taking all of him was a beautiful and painful task. Guiding him to pull out and slowly move back in pleasure won over the pain and your hips moved to meet his shallow thrust.

“God, you fill me so well” You felt his body melt under the praise. You guided his hips in and out of you slowly feeling yourself slip away. The pace got quicker gradually and eventually he was fucking you with a stregth that ruined you for anyone else. 

There was only so much you could take before you demanded he touch you. His thumb circled your clit, his body pushing you somewhere it hadn't been before.

“Please, dont stop - Tom - Ah - youre going to make me cum - fuck baby make me cum” Words spiraled out of your moth and he drank each one of them down. Fucking you harder, he took you over the edge, your body swallowing him. Walls rhythmically contracting pull him over the edge spilling inside you. He rode both of the orgasms out before collapsing on you. Your arms held him tightly, not wanting him or the feeling inside you to go. 

He broke your hold and held himself above you. His hand came up to caress the side of your neck and you took one last look of his blue eyes before closing your own. You tilted your chin up exposing his neck. You waited for his other hand to embrace your neck, for him to take your life. 

“Promise you won’t bring harm to me or my family.” 

Your eyes flew open and met his gaze. “I promise” He gave you a nod then pulled out of you slowly. His mouth moved to suck a deep mark into your throat before he pushed himself back inside you. After pulling another orgasm from you he cleaned the both of you up. 

“What are your plans for next friday?” He asked as you both sat on the floor in front of the couch. You were sipping whiskey and smoking cigarettes unsure of what to make of the situation that just happened. 

“I’m supposed to be getting married.” 

“For business or love?” 

“Business, my brothers couldn't kill you and that led to a lot of problems.” 

His face twisted briefly remembering the problems it caused him as well. He was quiet and you felt yourself yearning to apologize. 

“We both lost a lot because of this. I don't even know who started all of  it but I’d like to end it. Leave all of it, everyone and thing behind if I could” He studied you carefully before lighting another cigarette. 

“How bout I make a counter offer then?” His words hit you like a truck. Surely he couldn't be serious. 

“I’ll marry you. Take the territory that would have been handed down to your brothers. In return you can do what you like within reason and the fighting stops.”

You thought about it for a long moment. You thought about all the plans everyone was making, how much destruction was about to move into action.  

“Can I do what I like to you?”You asked in a cheeky tone, desperate to stop thinking about everything. You watched his gaze get hungry. 

“Most certainly” 

“I won't share you. With anyone, ever” The words were out of your mouth before you realized what you said. He may not love you, this may be for business, but the thought of someone else touching him and having him like that caused your blood to boil.

“Somehow I don't think that will be a problem” The corner of his mouth pulled up into a ghostly smile. 

You clink your glasses together and fell back into a comfortable silence, your head resting on his shoulder. 

___

They did get married, it was a business deal that ended the feuding. (Saving John) 

She freaks out about how to look after Charlie because her parents were so distant towards her growing up that she has no idea what to do. Polly and her bond over this. Charlie almost immediately gets attached to her. Eventually she proves herself to the rest of the family. 

She takes good care of Tommy, giving him someone to trust. But she's very opinionated and they fight a lot. Its explosive and usually ends with them fucking against any surface. She just wants the family to be protected and doesn't like taking big risks. So they balance each other out a little. Tommy’s calm and she’s so tired of being calm that the first chance she gets to lay into someone she takes it. 

The first time she had to kill someone it was to protect Charlie. She broke down after the situation because she almost did that to Tommy. Everything she had now - a family that loved her and respected her, a husband that paid attention / was kind to her, a little boy that called her mum and ran to her every time he was scared - She got all of that from Tommy - He has to hold her for hours before she calms down. That's when they realize that they really love each other.

Tags list: @tommydoesntpayforsuits @misselsbells06 @kpopgirlbtssvt

If anyone wants to be added to the list just let me know in my inbox!

#I hope this is good #Tommy shelby #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby smut #tommy shelby imagine #Thomas Shelby #been trying to work on it for forever #thomas shelby x reader #Thomas Shelby smut #Peaky binders #peaky blinders imagine #Peaky blinders request #peaky blinders fanfic

[andromedaexists]

Infinity Alchemist || Kacen Callender

★★★★★

TW: ABUSE (FAMILIAL, ON PAGE), DEATH (MURDER), GUILT, GRIEF, MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS (FADE TO BLACK), VIOLENCE

I always feel like I don't know where to start with these. 9 times outta 10 I'm writing reviews right off the end of the book and this one... I have tears in my eyes. This is a 6 star book for me. Firmly. My heart hurts

I received this book as an ARC in return for an honest review. Thank you to Tor Teen and NetGalley for the ARC.

Infinity Alchemist releases in just a few weeks on Feb. 6th I believe, and I highly recommend it to anyone who will listen.

Once again calling back to any book that makes me physically feel something get an automatic five star, but this book did more than that. This book wrapped my heart in tendrils of alchemical magic and refuses to let go.

Let's start with the characters: Ash, Ramsay, Callum, and Marlowe. Ash is our POV character and in a trans POC man. He is an asshole who has a rough life, growing up in the slums with a mother who passed away not too long ago. He wants to prove himself worthy of his absent father, and will stop at nothing to do so.

Ramsay is a prodigy, the genderfluid child of known and executed terrorists hell-bent on atoning for their sins. She uses he/she pronouns, though leans more towards she/her throughout the book. She is also such an uptight prick... until she's not. I genuinely love how prickly and rude she is and how much that shows to me as an autistic mask. I just love her so much.

Callum is a black man and the youngest son of the Kendrick house, more or less the police state in book. He is kind and caring despite the heavy hand of his father and all he wants to do is heal. He wants to heal and help others, like the good man he is.

These three, oh these three. They hold my heart.

Marlowe is my obligatory redhead (listen I have to point them out when they are given to me!). She is an orphan of House Lune and becomes so integral to the story in ways I never thought possible.

Without given away too many spoilers, I want to tell yous: there is so much diversity in this cast. So much! It's beautiful!! And, AND, we get not one, but two (2) separate Rivals-to-Lovers ARCs that don't end in a love triangle, but a polycule! We also get best friends to lovers to bitter exes to lovers once again!!

As far as the worldbuilding goes, I have to say that Kacen is a master at weaving these mystical and fantastical realms together in a way that not only make sense, but feel real. I felt like I was in the higher realms with the characters, like I knew exactly what each house was and why they were there.

I have aphantasia, which means that I cannot imagine what anything ever looks like. And yet, the beautiful world descriptions put me there. They called back to things that I do know and do have experience with and built off of it. I very genuinely could see myself in the world, and that is saying a lot.

I don't think I can talk too much more about this book without bringing myself to tears again, so let's pivot to some of my favorite quotes to make y'all understand the gravity of this book:

The world became a white blur. The snow turned red. It fell to the ground, drops spreading like blots of ink. The blood dripped from Amelia's cheeks. Her smile faded as the screams began.

That's what privileged assholes like you always say.

[redacted] paused, but only for a moment. He opened the [redacted]. There was an explosion of light.

It was too late. [redacted] was already there.

It wasn't death he'd feared, he realized, but the change—the transformation that forced him to release.

This light held the vibration of energy that the physical body would translate as love.

They all created the same infinite light. They were eternal.

It was an interesting place to be caught, stuck between grief and gladness that they were gone.

Okay, I think that's all I can put without spoilers.

One thing I forgot to mention: this book is genuinely funny. Maybe it's because of the autistic mask I mentioned earlier, but the interactions between Ramsay and Ash at any given point past like 20% of the book are genuinely funny. I love Ramsay's sense of humor.

Anyways, that's all for this book! I am going to curl up in a ball and cry while I purchase a physical copy to annotate and put on my recommendations shelf. This is a story that I will be thinking about years down the line, I just know it. Ash is a part of my soul now, and I can't wait to see what he does next.

#andi reads #book reviews #booklr #bookblr #lgbt books #queer books #queer book directory #infinity alchemist #kacen callender

[candied-boys]

Luke's POV x F! Reader - Part 3

Warning: Dark Content!

Including but not limited to references to prostitution, child neglect and abuse, war and death, PTSD, flashbacks, nightmares, suicidal ideation, and historically accurate ages for relations. The dark content is almost entirely drawn from/same as Luke's route.

Themes: protection, hurt and comfort, mutual healing, learning to trust, letting yourself feel, and eventually giving into love. Everything is written from Luke's POV.

Part 2

“I've never had cake before!” she beams back.

It stings more that you're not surprised by this than the fact she's never tried cake.

____________________________________________________

“Luke! There you are! We heard you liked the girl at Rosey’s so much you took her home! Lucky son of a bitch! Where'd you get the money for that when we all work the same job?” one of your colleagues calls from across the room as you step in the building.

“Is that why you didn't show up to work yesterday? Too wrecked from all that fun?” another cackles, elbowing you in the ribs.

“Ah! You know he doesn't fuck and tell, mate. No point trying to wring it out of him,” a third one quips.

“Gonna bring her around sometime? Let us all have a go, eh?” the first jibes, the other two laughing as a few other men around the room join in and comment on what fun that would be.

It takes everything he ever taught you to keep calm and laugh it off while visions of murder dance in your head.

Y’ really shouldn't care ‘bout the shit they say, Luke.

Joke or not, it's not like she's important to y’.

In fact, she's completely useless.

Y’ only brought her back on a whim…

Right?

Right. The sooner she's on her way the better…

Despite reciting this internal monologue daily, you find yourself coming home earlier after work than before. You used to stay out and drink. Not that you particularly enjoyed the company of your colleagues, but keeping informed is essential to your mission and gossip is a good source.

More than anything, it was a distraction from the dark memories that haunt you at all waking and sleeping hours. But now you can talk with her, which is far more pleasant than forcing yourself to pay attention to your drunk comrades.

Especially so when the conversation is over a hot homemade meal. Though you didn't ask her to earn her food and shelter, she's taken to preparing dinner for the two of you every night. Her skills can't compete with yours, but she's also never seen most of the ingredients your pantry is stocked with.

You avoid the subject of her home life because you don't want to talk about yours, but you notice from the things she can and can't do that her childhood was similarly neglectful. Unlike you however, a deep seeded fear lurks in her cautious actions. One obviously instilled by years of abuse.

Because she thinks she doesn't deserve anything but such horrific treatment she's easy to spoil. After her feet healed, the first thing you did was take her to the cobbler. You made an apron and a coat for her not even a week after the kirtle. This time with a matching handbag.

Her apologetic and sheepish reactions to being given things of her own is gradually shifting to grateful smiles and thank yous. The brightest smile you've seen so far has to have been last night when she tried cake for the first time.

When you aren't off at clandestine anti-royalist rallies, most nights after dinner you've been teaching her to read and write so that she has something to keep herself occupied while you're at work. She struggles, but she's a bright enough girl that you know she'll be able to enjoy books soon. Most importantly, if she can read and write she'll be able to secure a good job and find a place to live where she can be free and safe.

For now, you've been working through a cookbook because the vocabulary is familiar and the instructions are short and simple. That's how you ended up baking cake with her late into the night.

“Wow!! This sounds so yummy!” she squeaks after successfully reading through the recipe.

“Nonnettes, huh? I remember they were popular where I grew up. Gingerbread spices, rye flour, honey, eggs, and jam. I think I have everythin’. You wanna try makin’ ‘em?”

“No, no! I don't want to bother you, Luke! I'm sorry I said anything! Please forget it!” she babbles, wide-eyed as she waves her hands dismissively.

“Stop it, Honey,” you chide and grab her wrists. “I suggested bakin’. If I didn't wanna do it, I wouldn't have offered. I love sweets and y’ know I'll eat everythin’ with honey in it. But more importantly, y’ need to learn that it's okay to ask for things y’ want.”

“Really? Are you sure it's not too much trouble…?” she queries hesitantly, shoulders curling up to her ears now that you've arrested her flailing arms.

“Yes. It'll be fun and we get to eat it all afterwards too!” you smile at the thought of fresh pastries.

“I've never had cake before!” she beams back.

It stings more that you're not surprised by this than the fact she's never tried cake.

“Do y’ like spiced things?” you ask knowing not everyone enjoys cinnamon and ginger.

“I don't know… We could never afford anything but salt…”

“Guess we'll find out then, won't we,” you smile and stand to fetch the ingredients from the pantry.

“I have lots of honey, but what kinna jam does the recipe call for?” you ask over your shoulder as you gather up little boxes of dried spices.

“It says or..or…”

“Orange?”

“Yes! Orange mar..ma..lade, or fruits like ap..ri..cot.”

“Oranges are for the bourgeoisie. Can't buy ‘em at market, so marmalade is out. I have black currant jam though.”

“Sounds delicious! We also need butter, rye, water and spices.”

While you measure out the spices, she warms the honey and butter to mix into the leavened rye dough you always have handy. In the days after you brought her here you picked up extra dishes and cutlery, so at least you have bowls to bake and eat with now.

With the jam tucked into the centre of each little cake you set them over the coals to bake, and return to her writing practice as the next hour or so passes. Though your eyes linger on the wobbly shape of her letters you aren't really seeing the ink. Teaching her basics like this reminds you of all the ways he looked after you.

You know he took special care of you to ensure you'd be a well-equipped pawn, but that doesn't change the fact that he did care for you. As manipulative and conniving as he is, he's gentle in some ways… and for better or worse, he did save your life.

If he saw me now, would he be disappointed?

Would he think me a fool for lookin’ after somebody so obviously worthless to my ambitions?

Would he think I've gone soft?

If he thought I'd lost my resolve, would he cut me down ‘cause I know too much?

Or would he be happy for me… like that time I told him I was getting along with the kids at the military academy…

“Luke? Luke!” she calls and waves her hand in front of your eyes.

Startling from your daydream you hum inquisitively.

“I think the nonnettes are done…”

There's a concerned look in her eyes when she tells you this, but you brush it off by ruffling her hair as you rise to fetch the baked goods. By the time you've each finished your first cake, her genuinely radiant smile has you enchanted and you've forgotten those worries.

Part 4

#why do i do this to myself #why do I love dark x comfort #ikemen prince #ikepri #ikemen luke #ikemen prince luke randolph #luke randolph #ikemen prince luke #ikepri luke #ikepri fanfiction #fanfiction #ikemen prince fanfiction #ikepri fanfic

[bitter-rabbitholes]

I got to watch the Phantom & Ghost playthrough (thanks to @pain-in-the-butler d(^-^)), and I've been dreaming of Phantom & Ghost getting a remaster with HD graphics and a expanded story line, so here's how I would've liked it:

a coherent narrative

I think it would've benefited the story to just stick to one POV for the entire game, and you'll have to complete both Sebastian and Ciel's routes to get the final ending. Similar to other visual games games that have multiple endings depending who and how you play, that give you a true ending after completing the game.

like wow, the game is kinda nonsensical to follow? not only can you switch between the two different POVs while playing, but you can do it after nearly every scene? So all the clues and reveals feel all over the place and referenced in ways that don't make sense.

general appeal

alright lets be honest, the game's main appeal is its characters. getting to play all these scenarios with the servants and Lizzy is what's fun. sadly, the minor characters weren't as interesting to bounce off of, so it would be nice to lean into their eccentricities (when you got a guy named Patrick the Grey wizard).

Add more scenarios, more character combinations, more dialogue options. Can't tell you how disappointed I was that Stella's pov barely showed anything, esp since the moments between Lizzy and Stella were really good. Like, let's play with all these different povs! Stella's route could have flashbacks and much needed backstory to solve the mysteries. Lets see Lorraine, Patrick, and Stella's parents in the past, since so much of the story revolves around them And having all these expanded character options really build the replayability of the game.

tonal dissonance

This game was disorienting to me because how light the story remained. Kuro is a dark story! It has a lot of morbid humor and something disturbing happening in the background. This game really was just some average errand for Ciel and Sebastian and it falls flat. So I had ideas to bring in out more of those darker tones kuro has, described in the next section.

the villain

I understand why Lorraine was made into the villain as a "surpise twist", but I truly dislike that she was the bad guy after dealing with suggested abuse and getting jealous over a child (without even the backstory to back it up??). There's ways to give misdirection over the villain without resorting to the cheap maid plot twist, that is frankly tired now. (also I thought count ridley would be the villain? what was he around then for lol)

There's still a mysterious air around Stella's father, right? maybe, instead of villainizing an abused maid for the nth time, we can have a more in depth exploration of the maid's abuse and the father's character. maybe we find out the father was quite a vile person. Stella's route could imply the abuse happening in the background and how disturbing it is.

perhaps after the first half of the game, Lorraine is pined as the murderer, but Stella insists that she's innocent and we to find the true culprit. the player is mislead here a bit, because Lorraine's attitude does take a turn and she acts very bitter and erratic (which we find out later her signs of abuse).

eventually Lorraine is found innocent and her father is blamed for the murder, and Lorraine gets with Patrick to take care of Stella at the mansion, a perfect happy ending.

However in the true ending, we find out that Lorraine did kill the father, but it was to protect herself and Stella from his abuse. We don't know how the mother died exactly, but let's implied that he was the one to kill her (mad father vibes). Ciel doesn't reveal this, since the case with the ghost and embezzlement is solved, but Lorraine gets away with the murder. Sebastian could suggest that Lorraine only did it for her benefit, because now she's acting as head of the manor, through Stella (or whatever edgelord nonsense he'll say).

The games ends on the note we, the audience, will never know Lorraine's true motives, all while Stella remains naive, still thinking the best of her parents and Lorraine. All we can hope for, is that they'll take care of each other now, though who knows what the future holds.

So there's plenty of dark aspects to this story while having a rather positive ending for our main characters! let me know what yall think! any other ideas for an ending or story route?

(anyway here's a drawing of Stella and Lorraine to convince yall: x)

#b.au #i really want to go into different endings and the like #i used to be a huge rpg maker fan so the influence definitely shows lol #also any witch's heart fans here? heard the game is getting an update #i should get back in the game it's been sooo long #anyway my versions the sisters unite!! none of this jealousy over a child nonsense #but yeah i have a ton of ideas the more i think about it #you can tell how much better this story got cause it focuses on the women lmao #kuro #kuroshitsuji #phantom & ghost #lorraine mcdowell #stella rose #b.txt

[boxfullofn00dles-blog]

Douma x reader

Pairing: douma x reader 

POV: Your family goes to Douma and beg him for help, however, he wants you in return for him caring for your family. 

**** 

You, y/n, were the oldest child of the family. And with that came many responsibilities like making sure eveyone is fed and healthy. It all seemed to be going well until one day when your family home was robbed and your grandparents murdered. You were just walking back with your sibling when a strong odur hit you. You couldn’t recognize it, yet it made you sick and dizzy. The smell only grew stronger as you approached what used to be your beautiful home. Now, it was all just a memory. 

Since then, your father caught a strange illness which only spreaded to rest of your family members, besides you. It was terryfying! You were the only one who could do all the house chores during the day and at night hunt for more food or trade. You were exhausted. Not only that, it was common occurence that locals abused your vulnerability and didn’t make your life easier. 

That’s why, when your parents suggested to seek help at  the Eternal Paradise Faith, you thought it was the best shot. 

You helped your family to get to the leader of the cult as soon as he accepted your request to see him. His followers only reasured you that he is the one who can make your life happy and without any worries. Why did you feel dizzy all of the sudden? 

- My my, what a unfortunate train of events - said the man as he scanned trough your whole family. You instantly caught his attention. 

- Yes sir, that’s why we beg you for help, our poor y/n can’t handle everything on their own! - your father begged crying. Your heart was shattered seeing him in such a state. A proud, strong man who raised you would never show emotions like that and only taught you to fight only to be a prisoner of his dying body. One of the Douma’s followers helped your father sit. 

- How could I turn down people in need? Of course I will help - he said calmly, smiling to all of you. He had such a gentle and soothing voice...- under few conditions. My community has many members, however I would like to help as many people reach happiness, that’s why I ask you to pernamently join! That way I could help you as much as I can, whenever you need me - he continued - only thing in return is that I would like to have your eldest child by my side - he said pointing at you. What did he mean by that? With the way he said and how he lustfuly looked at your frame, you could onlt think of one meaning behind his words...

You shivered feeling cold sweat on you as his eyes were scanning you percicesly. You could all of sudden smell that scent you first encoutered at your home. Something wasn’t right... However without much thought your family agreed, crying tears of joy. 

You couldn’t say no...your family was in such pain and despair, it was first time in months you saw them this happy and full of hope! 

- y/n, you agree right? - Douma asked smiling. He wanted to know that YOU agree to this. Oh he knew you wouldn’t be able to say no...he just loved seeing that cute face full of hesitation and despair. You looked just so cute like that! 

- Yes, of course...- you said and it instantly made everyone happy. Your family was at least saved and...maybe it wouldn’t be too bad ? Maybe you are overthinking it ? Douma smiled warmly and asked his followers to immedietaly take care of your family while he requested you stay behind. You obliged and stood there as your family went without much protests...besides your little brother. 

- Y/n ...will you be back soon? - he asked shyly. As you were about to responde, Douma walked up to him and patted on the head 

- Don’t worry about it, I promise that your sibling will be happy and close to you all the time - he said reassuring little boy. 

****

As soon as everyone left, Douma came behind you, caressing your beautiful h/l , h/c hair. Your scent, your body, EVERYTHING made his heart beat faster which took him off guard. But it must mean something! Yes...you must be his and only his. If YOU of all people troughout his wholve live awakened this feeling then it must be destiny. Yes! 

- Y/N - he said as he embraced you from behind. You froze out of fear and confusion. The scent hitting you again but this time you knew...You instantely knew the source of your misfortune...- I think we will have many great memories together - he whispered in your ear as he started caresing your body.

Who you thought would be your savior, turned out to be the reason your misfortune started.  

(Just writing for fun, but would love to write more stories or headcanons! Sorry for my English ^^”) 

#douma x reader #douma x you #demon slayer #demon slayer demons #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu douma #doma #demon slayer x reader #kny doma #kny douma #kny douma x reader #kny doma x reader #kny #villan x reader

[collectivecloseness]

Not to be one of those "I can fix him" type person but I honestly think that if kurt had gotten a significant other (or a friend) the whole spree thing wouldn't have happened because I think that the killing was not only about the views but also because he was lonely and didn't have anyone that cared about him

I’m going to be upfront about this now, but my answer is coming from a place of actual character analysis, rather than a ficcy answer, because it’s my honest opinion.

If you’d seriously befriended or gotten into a relationship with Kurt two, maybe a year, earlier, yes, you could have changed things. If it’d been some months earlier, no.

We see London being nothing but nice to Kurt. Giving him physical affection, flirting with him, being genuinely nice. I believe the writers put her there as a show of this. Hey, to anyone who might be attracted to Kurt at this point in the film, or feel bad for him, thinks he would only kill those who are bad, or thinks I can fix him, this character, half way through the film, is to show that no, you couldn’t. Someone nice and trying to connect with Kurt, treating him not like a loser, touching him, genuinely treating him like a human, or even like a potential love interest, is not an exception. It’s to really expand on Kurt’s character.

You saw him killing a white supremacist asshole first. Then some woman who you never really get to know, they imply her to be rude, but actually she doesn’t really do much wrong. If we’d known her character, we wouldn’t think she deserved to die, but she doesn’t get as much direction on her specifically, and we’re close to Kurt, so we don’t care. Then another asshole that he kills, and in a funny way, after defending a woman’s honour beforehand, and with Bobby, another asshole, goading Kurt, you want him to succeed with a triple KO, show that hey he is seriously doing all this, and people should be watching, because he’s actually doing something incredible. Bad, but incredible.

And then he brutally murders London, with a massive smile on his face, and he clearly planned it all and had nooo qualms about it. Not a single one. Kurt did not care. His character starts to change then. You could feel bad for London, maybe you don’t. But she dies, even though she did nothing wrong, and actually treated Kurt decently.

Then he goes on to murder a kid he used to babysit, someone he looked after for years as a child, and you start to think that’s a bit fucked up of him. But still, Bobby has been an asshole the entire time, and Kurt is our protag we’ve been with, and still like, and want to keep watching. Obviously the scene of him showering blood off while manically giggling about 100 viewers, which isn’t even a lot, is showing how mad he is, but also it’s a great scene, you’re enjoying watching his madness. And then after the whole thing with DJ Uno it’s him saying fuck the homemless, murdering an innocent driver (albeit offscreen), then insinuating SA with Jessie, and realising he murdered his mum, watching him murder his dad as well, and trying to kill Jessie too.

I mean, this is even coming from a slightly ficcy POV, but I genuinely think some of the only ways you’d survive, is A) be like Jessie apart from the show that night. Slightly famous, and with a bigger asshole in the car, someone Kurt not only would defend you against to show his fans but because he genuinely feels the need/want to with zero hesitation as a person, and the getting out when you can. Sure Kurt’s a bit obsessive, but if you’re doing something boring that night, and hopefully didn’t make too much of an impression, hopefully your content was enough for him to keep going with his plan and it’s too hard to track your address. That, or B), have seen Kurt’s socials before...

Especially if it’s slightly early on, but not his first victim. If you were like you look familiar he’d happily go on his Kurtsworld96 tangent, and say you’d been recommended that video of him and his dogs, with 12 views, and you watched it yesterday, because dogs. You even left a nice comment, again, because dogs, Kurt goes crazy. An actual fan meeting him in the wild? He wants to talk to you so badly. Wants you in the front, so he can see that his video is in your YouTube history. So he can see your reactions as he talks to you! He saw your comment, obviously, and it made him go wild. Because he barely gets any comments ever, and only like 5 times where they’ve actually been nice. You talk to him about his video, and he’s just going “Yes!” Everytime you mention a detail and he’s talking more about the bts of it and you’re interested. You follow his YouTube there and then and he’s so full of glee and warmth.

He’ll ask - to his cameras though - if his kurtie wants a selfie, and you take one with him, peace sings of course, he even adorns you with free swag from the back, a Kurtsworld96 cap. He doesn’t want to kill you because he thinks it’ll send a bad message to his fans. He still only has a couple of people watching, so he wants them to know he’s safe, and they can be his fan, or even come up to him today and say hi! His fans can get a spree ride today and meet him! So he won’t let you drink the water. He’ll let you go home.

But even that’s partly just so people don’t not want to become his fan, if he only has like nine subscribers and he’s still offing one of them. If it had been later in #thelesson, where he had more people watching, not only is he more swayed by them, but he’s less just genuinely giddy and in awe of you, but trying to put on a show, and feeling powerful enough to try and beat his score. Maybe he won’t kill you, maybe. Maybe he’ll just take you to his home instead. Maybe you can find out what the ‘marry’ option actually means. But again, even that’s a slight more ficcy answer. And I already had this as an idea for a fic plan hahaha.

Kurt is too far gone prior to the film. He is delusional, creating a complex, and all he wants is his moment in the spotlight, and eternal infamy. Even being remembered as a bad guy, and being made fun of by his ‘fans’ the entire time he is doing it.

Spree killers don’t go into their sprees thinking they’re coming out of them alive. It’s different than serial killing. Almost every single spree kill ends in the murderer being killed by police, or them killing themselves. Very rarely do they live, and if they do, it was almost definitely not in their plan to. Kurt knows he’ll probably die, he’s definitely going to get caught anyway, I mean he’s literally broadcasting all his crimes, but he doesn’t care. He just wants to get the record, for more infamy, and go as far as he can, make things as extreme as possible, for more chance of clout.

He has a shitty home life, even though he liked being social he wasn’t very good at it, he substitutes followers, numbers, for actual human connection. I don’t know if you’ve seen his Tiktok about how his customers are one step away from being a fan, a fan is a friend to him, and his friends are family. It sounds like he’s going on a bit of a rant, like someone/something reminded him of his loneliness, and he’s trying to prove it. That numbers, or good interactions with customers (we know he loves his high five star spree ratings), mean he is popular and liked and basically has friends. He needs friends to be his family, because his actual parents don’t give him the emotional support he needs. Maybe his dad tried a little, but he’s screwed things up a few too many times for Kurt to trust him enough to let him back in, or be someone for him, even if his dad did try.

Kurt is 100% lonely, and it seems he had a lonely childhood as well, from inferences, references, and even his draw my life vid, etc. If he’d had someone, a close friend, a partner, a good therapist, if he’d had someone with him maybe a year or two prior. If he’d started to obsess more over that connection with someone versus numbers, started to see a real relationship with one real and there person as more valuable then those numbers (when his viewers aren’t even nice to him but he doesn’t care because it’s still attention), it may have been different.

Obviously you don’t want Kurt to be too obsessive or dependent, especially if he feels like you’re the one person he has. But if you were there to show him healthy love (platonic or romantic), walk him through healthy boundaries that he trusts you enough to stick by, get him in therapy where he can realise that he didn’t not get hugged enough as a child and swapping human connection for clout is a toxic and not worthy opponent of real life human love. If he’d gotten that in a time before, you may have been able to pull him out before it was too late.

But Kurt hits his 23rd birthday, on April Fool’s day, and goes on his spree killing shortly after. He planned a bit before that most likely, but his birthday (I just inferred from his driving license and when the events of the film take place) was probably a catalyst, and a last straw for him to be like ‘see? Things didn’t get any better. Now I’m seriously going to do my preparations now for #TheLesson, because I’m 23 and have nothing left to live for anyway’. Especially in a society where 23 can be seen as old, especially when it comes to being an online content creator. He’s still stuck with lousy parents, doesn’t have a fancy job to at least brag about, even if he likes spreeing it still might get him snide comments off of people or his mum or something, his dj/influencer career is still going nowhere, so he might as well go out with a bang.

He’s been trying to be an influencer for ten years by the point of the film, and has watched someone he watched grow up become famous and loved and worshipped, while, even with hanging onto the coattails of Bobby to get some exposure, since he obviously will have been in some of his posts over his career, he still rarely reaches double digits. And that’s numbers alone, not likes, or comments, or dono’s, or anything even slightly personal. Not just an anonymous number behind a screen. Kurt won’t want to give up now.

And the more he’s tried and craved this attention, especially while growing up where he’ll have less adults sticking up for him or being nice or promising he’s worth something, can be something, less kids in his class who he can see everyday or have to be nice or work with him on projects, less hope from others around him that’s he’s young and can do amazing things and can be better than his parents or can get out and do something. Kurts lost more, and held onto that need for clout/attention as his only source of escape and love as times gone on. He’s romanticised the life of fame so badly. He’s obsessed over it. He’s had to numb himself more and more to the world. Nothing else matters but at least an extra number means he’s making progress, he’s doing something, he can show people. That’s one thing to at least be happy about, in his day. Everything else sucks, but if he keeps holding onto that one thing, puts all his eggs in one basket, he’ll eventually win... one way or another.

Numb the emotions. Displace that need for human love to attention from anyone and anywhere he can get it, he’s so starved, any flicker of a possibility of attention he will cling onto and fight for tooth and nail, even if they’re shaking him off and yelling at him for being a fucking freak at the same time. Kurts always been a loser, but he just doesn’t want to lose completely. He needs at least some vindication, if he gets lots of viewers, at least he’s going out with attention in one way or another.

I can’t remember the name of the psychological study, but it showed that children who didn’t have secure attachments at an extremely young age, getting worse as they got older, would suffer from disorganised attachment behaviour and indiscriminately friendly behaviour. Being super attached and overly friendly to any adult they come into contact with because they haven’t experienced that secure love they innately need. No matter if a person could be dangerous, or bad for you, or you know nothing about them, you cling to them because there’s a chance they’ll give you anything, and any attention/affection from a person you would desperately grab onto, and need it back as soon as they pulled away. I feel like Kurt would be a bit like that with people. His parents weren’t great with him, they were neglectful. He was probably seen as weird as child and didn’t have many friends in his own age group too.

If you’re even halfway nice to Kurt when he meets you, he may cling to you desperately, and use any tactics, despair, manipulation, overeagerness, anything to get you to stay. But when he substitutes no actual human connection in his life for numbers on the screen, all that gets even more scrambled. Kurts pretty fucked up, but learning you could have fame and fans instead of friends and family, watching Bobby get millions and worshipped, he sees that as even greater than just like one friend (even though he sees all his fans as friends because he severely needs friends (who are an equivalent of family to him) so so badly), because if no one is truly loving him, he can at least have hundreds, thousands, millions giving him attention. Because surely that’s got to be massive.

So while Kurt substitutes numbers online for actual affection, attention, and connection, he has been too far gone for a while. He’s changed as a person, quicker and quicker in the last year or two especially. Become less empathetic, even though he still craves love just as much, if not more. Although he might not realise it in the most coherently thought out sense, like instead of I want to settle down with someone and have steady work friends, it could devolve into I want someone to hold me, and never ever leave my side, and show haters I’m not a virgin, and have a bunch of fans who worship me, and have someone there for me, someone to collab with too, while I gain more and more loyal kurties. Even though Kurt is still emotional, his emotions are more displaced and rabid, turn more dysfunctional and toxic, letting himself spiral in unhealthy coping mechanisms because it’s easier, and then he can focus solely on his influencer career more.

Kurt Kunkle will have changed a lot as person in the year prior to #TheLesson. A simple close friend/partner and therapy sessions might not be enough to make him see what he already has right in front of him. Make him give up trying to be an influencer, delete his cringy content, and get on having a different, but nice life, with someone else, and maybe others as he goes along.

No. He cannot give up on his dream. Anyone who tells him to is just a hater. They don’t believe in him. They don’t realise how important he is, and how important he is to his fans. They think he is a loser. They just want him to change. Maybe after they’ve changed him, they’ll realise he’s still not good enough, since they clearly think it anyways because they keep trying to change him, and they’ll leave, and he’ll be back to square one, and completely alone now. He’s not going to give up on his dream, by that point, he needs it. And he will not listen to reason that he doesn’t.

Being famous has seemed like a closer more achievable goal, and the one thing he actually needs, he’d probably dump his friend/partner if they put their foot down and said it was them or Kurtsworld96. He doesn’t need anyone, by this point, everyone’s let him down. But he’s made such a grandiose thing of his channel, that he can be this good and big, that he’s too far gone. But if he loses you, and still doesn’t get that, things only get worse for him, and he only gets darker, and more needy for that fame.

The delusions of grandeur get deeper, and his god complex for his ‘fans’, for him being the one to take life so easily, gets worse. And he really doesn’t care that much.

While I do think Kurt needed all that love, the affection, attention, connection, everything, especially since he was severely starved of it as a child, if you hadn’t gotten to him about a year or so earlier, Kurt would’ve been too far gone. He would’ve changed. Wouldn’t have wanted to turn back. Your only hope of getting out alive, is your own escape attempts, or him being so obsessively and toxically attached to you, he can’t let go, even though that seriously means no matter what...

#I really appreciated talking about this because I not only love film/character analysis #but I’ve had these thoughts abt Kurt for EVER so it’s lovely to actually talk abt this kind of stuff on my account as well! #I’m very happy to discuss character/film/show analysis with you guys I’m a big fan of that stuff! #so pls send anything like that in if you’d ever want to discuss it! #it’s smth I’m v passionate abt which you can probs tell bc of how long this is oops! #thanks for sending this in anon it was nice to rly get into in on my page! I’ve been wanting to talk abt this with Kurt for a while! #but never rly thought abt how/if ppl would want more actual talks abt this stuff vs fic/hcy stuff #Kurt Kunkle #spree 2020 #kurtsworld96 #cc chats #ask #anon

[deadendtracks]

Lizzie and Tommy: Ruby's Death pt. 1

So with the caveat that the anon I'm responding to is entitled to feel any way they want about the show, I'm going to tackle some core things about the ask, but it will probably take a few very wordy posts to unpack.

First is the idea that Lizzie "had it worst." I think this might be saying she had it worse than Tommy did. I may be making assumptions about what the ask was claiming (and forgive me if I'm wrong), but I'd like to take a moment to really counter this idea. In this post I'll talk specifically about Ruby's death and the idea that it somehow didn't impact Tommy, or didn't impact him as much as it did Lizzie, because I think that this might be underpinning many of the responses I see to the season from Lizzie fans especially. And while not everyone comes out and states this plainly, I suspect it might be an unconscious presence in some of the discussions.

First, this is a pretty stereotyped belief, that mothers are more deeply impacted by the death of a child compared to fathers. Part of it has to do with the fact mothers are usually the primary caretaker and ideas of them having a more natural nurturing ability, etc. And secondarily, I think a lot of the time this belief is based on the differing overt reactions from the two parents: women may be more obviously emotionally expressive. Of course this is also a stereotype; but I think it's where the idea is coming from.

In the specific case of Lizzie and Tommy, this is true on some level: Lizzie is much more freely emotional about how devastated she is. And it's easier to get drawn into Lizzie's POV of the whole situation, I think, because she's expressing ideas about what the "right" way to respond are, that many people in the audience likely share. And without getting into whether there *is* a 'right' way to react to the sudden fatal illness of a child, Lizzie is definitely more sympathetic in her response. She stays by her child's side the entire time, for one. She expresses her trauma and grief via tears. She trusts the doctors to do the best they can to save her child and mourns her in a more acceptable manner.

Tommy's reaction, on the other hand, is completely different. And before I get into the specifics of his reaction, I do want to point out that this divergence and conflict in how parents deal with their grief is a very, very common element in couples splitting up in the wake of the death of a child. It's a very common relationship stressor. People react very differently to trauma, and sometimes their reactions clash in ways that are hard to reconcile. Without putting any value judgment on these things, it's just a incredibly common reaction to a horrible situation.

So I'd really urge people to take a step back from Lizzie's POV of the situation, no matter how much you empathize with her. It's the only way to really understand it without falling into these stereotypes or deciding Tommy just isn't effected or is left cold by the whole thing.

For one, Lizzie takes Tommy's reaction personally. She was taking his reactions personally before they even knew Ruby had TB: I've written about this before. Without repeating all that, the idea is that Tommy is a deeply traumatized person who at that point in s6 after Polly's murder is not capable of responding the way Lizzie thinks he ought, and she interprets this as rejection. You can empathize with why she may feel this way without thinking it's the objective truth about the situation, and this is the key to the whole thing for me.

so wow, this is getting really long, but I don't know of any better way to talk about it all, so I guess this will be a big brain dump series of posts. I'll cut this off here as part 1.

#peaky blinders #meta #Lizzie and Tommy

[searxws]

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader ; Limerence

—PT.2 (BOOK DISCONTINUED FROM TUMBLR)

(series masterlist)

Covers episode two Hawkins POV

Disclaimer; I do not own these characters!! Also ⚠️!SPOILERS FOR ST4 IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT!⚠️

This story is also being updated to watt pad by the same username, it’s titled “Little Freak“ there’s a playlist and a mood board on that edition.

Summary: Y/N Henderson and Eddie Munson have been dating for quite some time. She goes to his band rehearsals and DnD games, and in return he watches from the gym doors as she cheers. However, what will happen when Eddie is the top suspect in the killing of her teammate, Chrissy?

     When she woke up the next morning she quickly went to take a shower, as that had become part of her morning ritual. After her shower she made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen where she planned to get food until she saw Max and Dustin chatting on the couch.

“Hey... guys. S’something going on?” She said, with her mouth full of cereal.

     Both teens looked at her nervously, as if the news they were about to tell her would destroy her.

“Come sit down... we need to talk.” Her brother said.

     The girl suddenly became scared, she rinsed out her bowl and sat down on the edge of the La-Z-Boy their family owned, waiting for one of the kids to spill the beans.

“So last night.. a kid from our school died.. Max said it was uh.. she said it was Chrissy.” Dustin finally broke the news.

     What the hell, the girl thought. Her face must’ve then done something to show sadness because both teens looked down in shame. Chrissy was the only person who was kind to Y/N when she joined the cheer squad. Now all of a sudden she’s dead, who could’ve done something like that?

"What the hell? Do they know who it was?" She asked. How could this get any worse.

“Thats the thing...” Max cut in, “They think it’s Eddie.” Oh. Thats how.

“Do you think it actually was?” The girl asked, now fearful. She didn’t truly think it was Eddie. She knew her boyfriend, he may seem tough but he’s really a sweetheart. He wasn’t capable of murder.

“No, that’s exactly what we were talking about. What do you think we should do?“ Dustin responds, she could tell her brother was worried, he really cared for Eddie.

“I don’t know. Have you guys heard from anyone else?“ She asks.

“No, not Nancy or Lucas. And Mike-“ Max was then cutoff by Dustin,

“Is in California- shit shit shit shit.“

The siblings mother yells out at them before they reach the door “Kids! Where are you going? You saw the news it’s not safe!“

“Good point mom, we’ll be extra careful.“ The eldest child responded.

The girl quickly grabbed her mothers keys and slammed the door shut behind all of them. They quickly ran the car and drove to Family Video.

Timeskip; 20 minutes later, they arrived at the video store.

“Hey, Steve.“ Dustin greeted.

“You guys see this?“ Steve asked.

“How many phones do you have?“ Dustin ignored Steves previous question and asked one himself.

“Someone was murdered.“ Steve said harshly.

“How many phones do you have?“ Dustin now demanded.

“Two. Why?“ Steve retorted.

“Technically three. If you count Keiths, in the back?“ Robin chimed inz

“Yeah, three works.“ Max consulted with Dustin.

“What are you doing? WHAT ARE YOU--“ Steve yelled at Dustin.

Dustin threw his bag over the counter

“MY PILE!“ Robin screeched.

“NONONONO! MY TAPES! Dude! What are you doing man!!“ Steve scolded.

“Setting up base of operations here.“ Dustin responded while going onto the shops computer.

“Base of operations??“ Robin questioned.

“Get off of that.“ Steve demanded.

“No! I need it.“ Said Dustin.

“Need it for what?“ Steve wondered.

“Looking up Eddies friends phone numbers“ Dustin responded swiftly.

It was at that point Steve and Robin looked at Y/N who had been standing at the counter, not saying a word. What could’ve happened with Eddie?

“Oh Eddie, your new best friend you think is cooler because he plays your nerdy game?“ Steve looked back at Dustin.

Robin and Y/N locked eyes. Steve was obviously jealous of Eddie. He was taking the role of Dustins father figure right from Steve’s hands.

“I never said that!“ Dustin consoled Steve.

They looked through the entire system for someone named Reefer Rick? Y/N wasn’t sure who that was but Dustin mentioned he was a drug dealer. Y/N had known Eddie was into drugs, that didn’t mean she was fond of them though.

Steve wasn’t sure if he wanted to believe Eddie was innocent yet. He said he beloved in innocent until proven guilty but he didn’t think the group should rule out the fact that Eddie may have killed someone so quick.

Y/N was quick to jump in with “Thats exactly what were trying to do here.“

“Yeah, and maybe we’d have a little more luck if you spent less time trying to find a girlfriend and more time trying to find Eddie“ Dustin played back at Steve. His sister couldn’t help but smirk at that.

Steve then went on an annoyingly long rant about how someone had to attend to the customers.

Robin must've had an idea, because she went over to the computer again and searched up the name ’Rick’. From there they found Reefer Ricks address. Now all they had to do was find Eddie.

Timeskip; They arrived at Reefer Ricks house and found a back she’d, where they’re now trying to find Eddie.

“Considering everyone in this room has almost died 5 times, I’m not willing to take any chances.“ Steve said, while poking a tarp with an oar he found.

Robin and Max were looking at something and Y/N was about to walk over to them until she heard lots of movement and screams from behind her. She and the others girls quickly ran over to where they were met with the sight of Eddie, covered in dirt, holding a broken glass bottle up to Steves neck.

“Eddie!“ Y/N had shouted, “It’s me, and Dustins here, and we want to help you. Steve why don’t you drop the oar...“ She said.

The second Steve dropped the oar, Eddie became startled so he moved the bottle further up Steves neck.

"HE'S COOL! He's cool." Dustin consoled Eddie.

"Were here to help." Robin said.

Eddie let go of his grip on Steve, he moved to the side and Y/N quicly made her way over to him, crouching down to his height.

"Hey... we just want to talk. We want to know what happened." Dustin said to Eddie.

"You'll never believe me." Eddie declared, with his voice wavery.

The sight of the boy made Y/N want to wrap him up in her arms and tell him that it would be okay. It was heartbreaking.

"Try us."

Eddie explained what Chrissy was doing at his trailer and what he saw before it happened.

"Her bones started to.." He then had to take a break probably because it was hard for him to remember without feeling sick or confused. "They started to snap." He put his head down. "And her eyes, it was like someone was pulling them from the back of her head." He finished off.

At this point the boy had grabbed his girlfriends hand and now was squeezing it in a rythym she didn't recognize.

"I didn't know what to do so I.." He paused, in shame, "I ran, and I left her there." He finished off.

"You all think i'm crazy right?" He questioned after a long silence.

"No. We believe you." I said.

"Don't bullshit me. I know how this sounds." He said to his girlfriend.

"We arent bullshitting you. We believe you." Max said.

"What..?" Eddie said.

Y/N moved closer to him, knowing the news he was about to hear would destroy everything he's ever known. She wrapped an arm around him and he dropped his head on her shoulder. Dustin then went on to explain the upside down and ask Eddie if he saw any particles to which he responded no. They came to the conclusion that Vecna from DnD was doing these killings. Y/N was shocked at that but why should she be? Everything has to do with DnD in this town. They then talked about what they needed to do before leaving.

Y/N left one last kiss on Eddies forehead and Steve told him to stay there for the night, and that they'd be back tomorrow. He got in the canoe and just sat there. Y/N wanted to stay with him so bad but she knew she couldn't. They all said goodbye and went to Steves car, unaware that Vecna had just taken another victim.

#stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson x henderson!reader #x fem!reader #henderson!reader #st4

[mccall-scott]

meg’s obx s3 thoughts (don’t read if you enjoy jiara or don’t want to read spoilers)

overall thoughts:

plot—i’ve said it once and i’ll say it again, i do not care about the gold plot. i like obx for the fun and goofy summer teen vibes with some messy romance and that silliness that we haven’t really seen since season 1 despite tiny one or two line teases of it every so often. i don’t care about the gold and i don’t think anybody should be that rich to have that gold and seeing the kids at the end with all that money just felt SO weird in like a fanfiction i wrote at 13 sort of way. secondly, too much adults this season. yeah i’m an adult and i usually enjoy a good adult pov in a teen show but these adults are off the rails so it’s not like a splash of maturity and groundedness it’s just straight up murder and child ab*se. the only good adults on this show are the heyward parents and we barely got to see them but i’ll give the writers what we did see was so warm and inviting and felt like the only safe space of this entire series. finally, although there’s so much to touch on, the poguelandia bit really broke my suspension of disbelief bc where was the body hair and grease and sunburn?? i know this show is written purely to be a male fantasy but let’s be real.

characters:

pope—number one character third season ina row!! he was amazing and is always amazing. it hurt seeing how pope was hurting because of his breakup with kie but i’m glad they didn’t brush it all over and pretend it was nothing to him the way they wrote it for kie. it also felt realistically in character for the academic burnout and perfectionism to spiral when pope got back and temporarily drops out of school, but i’m so happy that it quickly got resolved of course with the help of popes loving support system. slay baby!!

sarah—babygirl was a standout to me this season. i enjoyed her in s1 and was extremely bored of her in s2 but she came right back around and basically took all the screen time and did not disappoint. i mean, she did cheat on john b and that’s icky but i’m not saying she’s a good person her character was just really fun to watch if that makes sense. i’m still waiting for us to learn ANYTHING about sarah (or kie or any woman on this damn boat show) because right now sarah cameron is just an enigma and not much a human person. but madelyn can act!!

kie—well, i really enjoyed kie in season 1 and i kind of felt meh in s2 and this season i’m just not able to enjoy her character anymore. the rich girl who wants to be edgy thing is getting old and like yeah i get feeling connected to your friends but babes being a “pogue” (i cringe every time i hear it especially at this point in the show) is about growing up with all the cards stacked against you and being a poor kid on a super rich touristy island and like yeah the “kook” kids are rich assholes but kie needs to stop getting so heated when people call her a kook because she is. anyway. i’m sorry but kie is just such a missed opportunity because the writers refuse to give her any sort of dimension besides being a not-like-other-girls girl and literally all of her scenes were either being an unhinged 16 year old trying to go dangerously flee to south or central america or jiara or with rafe cameron and i just couldn’t enjoy any of her scenes. i’ve given up on obx writing even one decent female character.

jj—i can’t stand him anymore. i know, i know, he’s the boy of the moment but at this point he’s gained zero character development and all the other characters are off the rails so he feels so much less banana pants as he did the first season. and again, with no time for goofy silliness his character just faded into the background for me. i would’ve loved to see literally anything in the way of character growth, like he could’ve have a good going back to school ark alongside pope or maybe gotten at job at heywards or anything but all of his scenes were either jb side kick or jiara and his actual character just fell flat for me.

cleo—i want a flushed out female character SO badly!!!!!!!! i can’t wait for fanfic writers to give her some personality of her own because she and pope have fabulous chemistry and i’m rooting for them but i barely know who she is.

john b—he got absolutely played this season. he’s grown on me a lot since season 1 but then he started to beat topper into oblivion and it really brought me right back to not liking this kid. i mean get that he’d just seen his dad murder people and that’s super traumatic but like this show is already enough toxic masculinity and i just need him to find a different way to express himself. i know obx writers are not at all concerned with being socially progressive or conscious in any way shape or form but watching this show as an adult woman is just ~shakes head~

relationships:

sarah and john b—are they married? lmao i don’t remember this at all. the wiki page says not legally so i don’t even know but that seems on brand for the level of chaos that is this show. i feel like they’ve reached a point where they don’t need to be together. like, i’m sorry but if sarah or john b were my friends i’d give them the advice to break up. like jb she cheated on you with an ex at the very first fight. and sarah, please just get with a guy who’s stable and kind and not physically or verbally violent with you or anyone else. plus the chemistry was all off this season so even in their good moments it just felt like a sinking ship to me.

jj and kie—if you follow my blog you know my take on this ship. i tried to go in open minded but the writing was so poor that it didn’t feel natural at all. the thing that really got to me was the “jayj” nickname. i know it was all fanservice and the nickname is popular in the fandom but kie nor anybody else has EVER called him that prior to this season and it just felt so forced and weird. like she’s always called him jj and that’s already a nickname. whatever. i also wonder what actual jiara shippers think because i thought any natural chemistry was crushed with how awful the writing was. don’t get me started on the entire weird dynamic with jj breaking her out and driving her around on his dirt bike in a high speed chase without a helmet on.

pope and cleo—fantastic natural chemistry and probably the most likeable couple this season imo. i wish cleo was flushed out and had her own characterization and layers because they have a lot of potential. they’re fanfic-trope heavy as well but with tropes i like so i’ll allow it. cleo getting along with popes family was so cute to watch and the way she and popes dad joked around was so natural and sweet.

final thoughts:

this was pretty negative and yeah i didn’t know if i was going to even watch the new season because it feeling kind of bored and meh after s2, but i needed something lighthearted to watch and i wanted to see where they were going to go with the story, especially for pope because he really is one of my favorite characters atm. regardless, at this point i don’t know if i’m gonna stick around for the next season or not. it’s really hard to watch a show that is as strong of a male fantasy as this one. like there are no fleshed out female characters, no queer characters, and it’s so hard to relate to what any of these characters are going through because they’re living on deserted islands with shaved legs and bumping off of yachts to and from central and south america to go fight mob bosses and find an ancient city that was so easy to find i was shed of my suspension of disbelief. last thought, the dynamite scene was so wtf because why’d he bring it (1) and (2) for that much money people could just absolutely mine that mountain, so it’s absolutely not “giving up the gold for his son” kind of redemption arc that isn’t possible for his character after all big john has done.

those are my thoughts. argue with me if you want but if you follow my blog you likely agree with some of these takes.

#meg watches obx s3 #obx spoilers #might go back and delete this but needed to get my thoughts out bc nobody in my life watches this show and i need to vent on the web #so many typos but it’s the middle of the night and im on my phone whatever #meg shut up

[scaramoucheismid]

In defense of Joshu Higashikata:

Joshu may have been selfish at times or even perverted but everytime he potrayed as such he has a reason and that's what most fans ignore.

Another reason people decide to hate on Joshu is because of his looks, which is just straight up pretty-privilege because characters like DIO, Cioccolata, and Funny Valentine have done much worse things such as murder, torture, sexual assault, animal cruelty, and pedophilia are excused of these things just because their "hot" to me it's absolute bullshit.

What people don't realise about Joshu and Yasuho's relationship is that their childhood friends even if yasuho blocked Joshu their still friend. Regarding joshus one-sided crush on Yasuho, Joshu truly cares for Yasuho and tries to protect her no matter what even if he is a bit posesive of her.

Next I'll be addressing certain "problematic" manga panels

Let's start of with this one:

This is when he first meets Josuke and from his point of view it appears that Josuke is assaulting Yasuho, so his first instinct is to save her from him, I know even after Yasuho tries to stop him he continues but women tend to be more forgiving and empathetic so once again from Joshus pov it appears that Yasuho is sympathising for her assulter which is common in women's rape cases.

Now in this panel,Joshu is known to dislike change (Josuke moving in,Hatos new boyfriend,etc) so all of a sudden this random guy comes to live with him and his family,plus he takes his spot in the photo and his bedroom that's so unfair, they just met Josuke and they don't even know if they can trust him yet.

Once again, Josuke was an absolute stranger who had just moved into his house and it appeared to Joshu that he was stealing, Joshu had no reason to trust Josuke's word so him slapping Josuke is completely justified

In this panel Yasuho is under a stand attack were every one looks the same and when she meets with Joshu she assumes he's Josuke (when she calls Josuke's name Joshu hears Joshu Suki which would mean "I love you Joshu")and Yasuho says something that sounds very lewd out of context so Joshu assumes she wants sex,so he takes of his pants and under wear and she realizes it's not Josuke (cuz Josuke has four balls) so she hits him and runs off

Some people may see this as Joshu being perverted again but what it really is is Joshu trying to protect his family. To explain,Kaato (Joshu's mother) had just came back to them unexpectedly after being in jail for 15 years for child murder so obviously she could be dangerous,before this panel she had came close to Daiya (Joshus little sister) and so Joshu steps up to protect her by saying something perverted to scare Kaato off. He was just trying to protect his little sister not assault his mother.

And now let's talk about how Joshu's family treats him, it is shown many times Joshu is the least favorite, he constantly shitted on for everything even when he's just enjoying himself. The way his family treated him just became worse when Josuke arrived because they treated him the way he wished to be treated so this caused jealousy and anger to fester.

Now I'll be giving some positive things about him:

In this scene he feels absolutely horrible because he cauldnt protect his family which shows that even after the way they've treated him he still cares.

It is shown multiple times how much Joshu cares about his family enough to even put his life at risk for them.

At the end of jojolion it is shown that Joshu now considers Josuke family and deeply cares about him this is a major character development considering the immense hate he felt for Josuke in the beginning of jojolion

Another thing I wanna bring up before ending this is that Yasuho was not only his childhood friend but his childhood love, he wouldn't do anything to harm her,and Yasuho doesn't hate him, she loves him just not in the way he loves her.

And in this panel the reason hes so mad at her is because she just STOLE HIS FUCKING ARM AND DIDNT GIVE IT BACK LIKE WTF!?!?! I WOULD BE SO PISSED IF THAT HAPPENED TO ME. But still even after that happens and Joshu is left physically handicapped (forever) he still forgive Yasuho and continues being her friend.

In conclusion, Joshu Higashikata doesn't deserve all the hate he gets

#joshu higashikata

[thirddeadlysin]

okay that fanvid SLAPPED, do you happen to have any fic recs about steve harrington that a person who hasn't really watched the show proper could enjoy?

okay a) I'm so glad you like that fanvid bc I have been obsessed with it for YEARS 💖

b) I have read many wonderful Steve fics I would love to recommend but unfortunately I read most fic in a kind of escape from my shitty job/social life fugue state on my phone and never remember or bookmark anything so (oh woe is me lol) I'm going to revisit whatever I can find in my browser and ao3 history and try to do up a proper rec list, but to start you off I think this is a great intro to Steve fic:

It opens at the end of s2, but recaps how he's progressed to where he is as the fic opens and I can very clearly remember like ten paragraphs in thinking, wow I am REALLY in Steve's POV rn.

The basics you need to know are that he starts out as a rich cocky jock who isn't book smart who starts coming on real strong at the start of s1 to the very smart and reserved Nancy, who is a year behind him. He invites her to a ~party~ of just them and his besties, but she brings her third wheel bestie Barb, who gets ditched pretty early so Nancy can have sex with Steve for the first time. Barb subsequently disappears (and is later definitively revealed to have been murdered by the horrors) about the same time Will disappears (the series' inciting event) and Nancy keeps dating Steve for about a year but is riddled with guilt the whole time. Steve doesn't appear to notice until she can't take it any more and dumps him. He also doesn't appear to notice that Nancy has been really drawn to Will's brother Jonathan the whole time, even though he broke up with his besties sometime around the end of s1 bc they're awful people (who had egged him on to harass Jonathan AND Nancy) and is apparently only hanging out with Nancy for a year.

(Fanon has kind of drifted to Steve being a real pussy hound before Nancy and maybe pursued her as another v-card punch if you will but I always read him as pursuing her because of ~the challenge~ bc she was dazzled by his popular jock persona but not totally bowled over by it and she's so much smarter than him. Either way after they break up he's hung up on her for a long time AND really bad at picking up other girls.)

Anyway basically everyone else in this fic is one of the main cast of younger kids who have repeatedly roped Steve in to help with the horrors, and this fic is him coming to terms with the fact that he is actual friends with at least one but up to four middle school mega nerds: Dustin (my extremely annoying child with zero boundaries), Lucas the very skeptical Army brat, Will the tiny traumatized-by-horrors boy who may not yet realize he's gay, and Mike, Nancy's very annoyed-by-Steve little brother. Max is the fifth but she is very cool and not a nerd (and in love with Lucas who is much more in love with her) and her stepbrother Billy is a huge asshole and the guy who basically took Steve's role as big man on campus.

#okay sorry that precis got so long #fic rec #steve harrington #stranger things

[nyyrami]

THE RISE AND DOWNFALL OF THE BASTARD OF THE ZEN’IN. .

꒰ ʚɞ synopsis. ꒱ A person born a bastard in jujutsu society will never amount to anything in the eyes of the higher ups and elders in their clan. It had been the infamous Zen'in bastard. A tiny, weak little child who knows not how to fight back, but she is riddled with hatred and anger. It is only a matter of time before she explodes.

꒰ ʚɞ tags. ꒱ suguru geto x fem! reader x satoru gojo. angst. violence. gore, blood. descriptions of injury. stabbing. insults. swearing. child abuse. domestic abuse/violence. abuse. corruption. plotting. kissing. making out. suggestive and very hands on but never the full act. sad story. fluff. mild hurt/comfort but overall, no. sad ending..?? gojo is annoying but only because he cares. suguru loves quietly but it’s shown. eating disorders. starvation. implied sexual assault. reader has a great technique. third pov used in the beginning. reader is unhinged and talks of murdering (the Zen’in). lack of caring in reader? but it’s there. reader heavily based off runin fang in the poppy war. reader doesn’t look like Maki in the banner but she’s almost like her in attitude and personality! 2006 era. star plasma vessel incident.

꒰ ʚɞ a/n. ꒱ I had to write this down and post it because this idea must be noted down. had this while watching an edit of the new show called the shogun. should definitely watch it but read the trigger warnings. i love the idea of bastards in fiction showing everyone wrong and that their more than just a child being born out of wedlock. if you enjoyed this and want to be added to the tag list just dm me or message me on my asks! reblogs n comments r greatly appreciated! have a great day ! i might make a playlist of what I think suit reader in this! THIS IS THE PROLOGUE!

𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐒 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐍 is to uphold her clan to the highest of standards, it is all she would ever know for the longest time of her life. The harshest time of her life. But she does not say anything. Not even when she witnesses her clan members commit heinous crimes in the cover of dark, sometimes, in the open. She holds her tongue and looks the other way, for what has she known other than that? Where was her place to speak when her blood was tainted forevermore. 

As much as she would like it to be, she was no true born of the Zen’in, she was a bastard, simple and as plain as that. She was illegitimate, which meant her tongue meant nothing in the eyes of the Jujutsu society. She is fine with it for the first portion of her life. As she walks through the manor, her robes slightly scuffed. The edges of her sleeves have holes in them, the sign of reuse evident in its discolour, and her hair, her hair, is unkempt and looks as if it has not been washed in days. It is matted down in lumps in several places.

It most likely hasn’t for though the girl was of Zen’in blood, in the eyes of her clan, she was nothing but a nuisance. A bug. Insignificant in the eyes of the human, so why should it care when it was finally trampled on? It knew it’s fate when it was born so small, so fragile, so weak.

She thinks she is a bug at first. But later on, when sees the way even the outsiders look at her, whispering and sneaking mocking glances, knowing in their eyes. She concludes she is not a bug, no. A bug would be more significant, instead she is dirt. Trampled on and taken for granted. Nothing worth batting an eye or two at. 

The bastard of the Zen’in can not handle that. She was born with a fiery heart beneath layers of dirty skin and hidden behind her chipped nails. But she must endure it, no matter how long it takes for her. She takes it with a stiff lip and back straight, never once complaining.

Some days are harder than others. When her Father, Naobito Zen’in, smacks her across the face leaving her with a red cheek and a ringing in her head. It is hard not to try and jump on him and strangle him to death. She knows she can’t. She’ll be shot down immediately, but she can only dream. And dream is what she does. 

The bastard takes refuge in her own mind to escape the horror that is her reality. She finds herself enjoying her maladaptive daydreaming. Smiling at the fictional worlds she creates in her head of herself in another world. Where she is not a Sorcerer and she lives by the sea, away from Tokyo. 

Sometimes she gets married and has kids, two or three, sometimes one. But she cares for them and loves them how they should be loved. She kisses them goodnight and bids them farewell when they leave for school. But she never hurts them. Never once raised her voice at them. She finds she wishes someone did the same for her.

‘‘ 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎𝐎, 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐄. ’’ Naobito screams in her face. Spit flying from his mouth and landing on her sleeve. She buys her tongue to stop herself from cringing out. It will only further her punishment and she surely doesn’t want that. 

Her Father is beyond enraged. He is never this mad she thinks. The last time he showed this much anger was when she broke one of the vases allotted around the house. She was young then. Foolish and naive so, that she had tried to hide herself. 

They found her not long after. Hiding in a ditch in one of the many court yards of the estate. She was shaking in fear, her stomach muscles clenching in tension. She had been 9 then. Barely even 10 and they beat her to a pulp. 

Maybe the resentment towards them had started then? Or when they purposely never brought her any food to eat. Or when they ‘ accidentally’ locked her in her rooms, which were barely even liveable, and release her hours later. She couldn’t pin point an exact time, but before she reached the age of 16 she knew she hated the Zen’in with all her heart.

Whatever heart she had left, of course.

Naobito does not stop his assault. He does not relent with his kicks this time or his punches, dutifully keeping his hands away from her face to his his deeds. He was smart. She had to give him that as he threw her around like a rag doll. He was making her hurt enough that tomorrow she would be in so much pain she would be bedridden, but no one would notice for her face was as normal as ever. He was smart, but a monster all the same.

Now, lying on the ground of her room, she looked out the window, eyes trained on a bright blue star in the sky. Usually, in Tokyo, the stars were never visible because the non-sorcerers using too much light which caused, light pollution. A pity really, the stars were quite beautiful tonight, how ironic.

Today was her last day at the estate for she was going to Jujutsu Tech, where her life would change, hopefully for the better. She would meet new people. She would leave her horrid clan behind. She would never turn her face toward them again, and most importantly, she would become strong. So strong, she wouldn’t ever have to ask another for help. Never again would she be a weakling, cowering in fear in front of her enemies. 

Instead, she would fight a warrior, and if so be it, she would die one too.

꒰ CHAPTER INDEX ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

PROLOGUE : oh, who is she?

ONE : …

TWO : …

THREE : …

MORE TO COME :

©NYYRAMI24 do not copy, repost or plagiarise my work.

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader fluff #gojo x reader angst #nanami kento x reader #jujutsu kaisen angst #gojo angst #suguru geto x reader #geto suguru #jjk suguru #getou suguru x reader #jujutsu kaisen suguru #suguru geto smut #suguru geto #nanami kento angst #jujutsu kaisen shoko #shoko ieiri #jjk shoko