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#Not going to lie it really felt like i'd never get to this point but it really is kinda just once you start it gets easier
hua-fei-hua · 10 months
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*flopped down on a couch w/a glass bottle of apple juice to make it look like i'm drinking beer*
yeah... yeah i'm fine.... just coming to terms w/the fact that i must use javascript in order to achieve my vision w/the neocities...
#the main reason i haven't just abandoned this particular aspect of the Vision(tm) is bc it would be useful for like.#more than one thing. so it's like. le sigh.#(reading the documentation for tippy tooltips tonight so that i can sleep on it n try to implement it tmrw or something)#why is it always js.... please god spare me at least a Little bit of suffering here i'll never sin again etc etc#speaking of sin i've started speaking more candidly abt my queerness w/the kids at work this week#it's nice to talk to the older kids (as in fifth grade or older) bc even tho like. nine years old is when they start to be tolerable#they lack awareness n life experience. today i told the older kids that i like men but in a gay way#n one of them was like 'i don't get it' n then i reminded her of Gender:tm: n she was like 'ohhhh i get it'#n the two guys also listening were like 'what. i still don't get it.' ONE OF THEM ASKED ME IF I WAS AMAB ACTUALLY LOL#n i was like 'what? that's not important.' but that was really surprising! kids usually read me as female#so it was kind of flattering in a way to be asked 'were you born a boy?' like idk how he's trying to process my gender#but i'm going to flatter myself into thinking the question comes from him like. idk clocking some kind of innate masculinity or w/e idk#花話#anyway it's Crazy that it took me almost a year to not feel like i'd get instantly fired for telling kids i'm queer#Not going to lie it really felt like i'd never get to this point but it really is kinda just once you start it gets easier#(though to be fair i also wouldn't have told Any of the kids Anything had one of them not started acting like 'gays' was a dirty word)#(n i just Looked at him n said 'you know i'm a queer right?' n he was like 'O_O')#when i worked at homophobic summer camp i do remember daydreaming abt telling my boss i was a 'flaming queer'#i'd have put my feet up on her desk n everything as i made direct eye contact w/her but ofc i never did anything like that.#anyway! i will slep now so that i can get back to work on my projects tmrw morning
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hazbinsimp777 · 6 days
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Hello! I'd love to request some cuddly fluff with Lucifer, Vox, and Alastor. It's my favorite trio pairing!
CUDDLING HEADCANNONS
Featuring Alastor, Lucifer and Vox
Reader read as female
A/N: I love these three sm! Thank you for the request ember! <3
✅️Fluff
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~ALASTOR~
~ If you are dating Alastor in the first place, you are going to get a lot of privileges that others will not have (obviously) But of course, he still has his boundaries.
~ When you two are cuddling, it will have to be somewhere private. For example, his room, your room, or the room you two share (only when married) at times, when he is in a generous mood, in the hotel's library or lobby couch.
~ Where does he like cuddling? His favorite place he loves cuddling is on his armchair in his room. In an innocent way of course, he loved having you in his lap with your arms around him. This means easy access to your neck when it wants to bite it :3
~ No like sometimes he will just take a bite out of your neck, its not even sexual most of the time, only to the point when there is a light hint of pain, to leave a bite mark, he's just a bastard like that-
Alastor: *bites neck*
Y/n: Alastor! Agh- not again-
*The next day*
Angel: The fuck attacked you?
Y/n, tired: A deer
~ While cuddling, on the bed, he will lay his head on your head, Which you resting in his chest. So you are in comforable pajamas, his is still in his suit, fully dressed.
~ Even from cuddling he doesn't even fall asleep! At night, when you fall asleep from cuddling, he just, stares at you. Sometimes in a creepy way but he just wants to admire everything about you! Admiring your hair, face, closed eyes, your loud/quiet snores. Even when you drool in your sleep (if you do)
~ He will still hold you when you sleep, when he isn't watching you, he is simply reading or listening to jazz on the radio.
~ Alastor MUST ALWAYS be the big spoon, he will not tolerate being the little spoon on ANY circumstances. Okay maybe that was a lie... He will like being small spoon when he had a horrible day and cannot keep his smile up. On days like that, he just wants to be babied and held on those days. But that has only happened twice.
~ Baby this man he still misses his mother :(
~ He might not always ask for cuddles, but he is just too prideful to ask for them, so PLEASE ask him, he is always up for cuddles, he just doesn't want to admit it
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~VOX~
~ This man is so confusing when it comes to cuddling, sense he was hesitant about them at first. In his past no one had asked to cuddle innocently with him, only being sex they desired from him.
~ The first time cuddling, was, delightful, he never thought it would feel this...secured. He had never felt this...loved before. Whenever with you, he feels safe and unjudged, which is new for him, but never unwelcomed.
~ From that point on, he just wants you in his arms 24/7, even during work if you are his assistant. Vox loves the feeling of his arms around you anywhere, especially in public, as if telling everyone, "Yeah! This hot and pretty specimen is mine!"
~ Something he hold dear to that metal heart, is the times when you are sitting down on his lap while he works on things for his business. Vox will usually have his hand on your thigh, gently squeezing anything really. Vox is a multi-tasker.
~ When cuddling in private, he loves telling you how perfect you are, kissing everything he loves about you. Which is everywhere. Not in an sexual way most times, more in like a, "let me show you how much I love you" sort of way.
~ One thing he will NEVER admit to anyone, besides to Velvette and Valentino is that he is a little spoon most of the times you have cuddled. Because they have walked in on that ten times He can't help it! He likes when you wrap you arms around him, he goes FERAL!
~ Night cuddles happen very rarely because he is always working on the latest new tech. But, when they do happen, he makes sure they are memorable and last a very long time.
~ It can be hard at times to cuddle especially with his, interesting shaped head...
Y/n: V-vox?
Vox: Yeah babe?
Y/n: Can you move your head please?
Vox: But I'm corfortable here :( so no >:)
Y/n: Voxy....MOVE YOUR FUCKING HEAD BEFORE I PUNCH THAT SCREEN!
~ This overworked man loves having physical touch with you, don't ever take that away from him. Seriously he will short-circuit.
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~LUCIFER~
~ It is no secret this man LOVES physical touch from his partner. No, I mean it, he can't physically live without touching his partner in some way. He will be more than happy with holding hands or hand around your waist.
~ So I can imagine how much he lives for cuddles, living for your touch.
~ He is actually the one who asked for the cuddles, sure, he was a little shy. Because he hasn't had any for a long time. Ever since Lilith left him of course. Seriously how could she leave this man?
~ Lucifer loves being little spoon, shorter or taller than him, he really doesn't care. Of course, you will be little spoon at times, but I'd imagine those time would be extremely rare for him. But he will NEVER admit that, being the sin of pride.
~ This little short king just like when his domiant partner just cuddles him like a tiny puppy :3
~ When cuddling, he loves burying his face in your chest, giving it little kisses whenever and wherever he can. Long or short hair? One thing is for sure, he is going to play with it in whatever way he can.
~At times you wonder, is he addicted to your cuddles?
Lucifer: Baby! Why are you leaving me, as your husband I need attention. *pouts*
Y/n: Luci, I need to go help Charlie with the hotel *Attempting to get free from his grasp he is stronger than he looks*
Lucifer: *groans*
Y/n: *sigh* I'll give you twice as more when I come back.
Lucifer: YAY!
~ You have to remember this guy had a rough life, I mean, his wife just left him and hasn't had a good relationship with his only daughter for a while.
~ When cuddling, Lucifer loved holding hands with you, rubbing circles with it with his thumb. Placing gentle and soft kisses on your hand, especially on your ring finger. He would even just play with it sometimes, like a little kid.
~ He most ideally likes cuddling on your shared bed, but anywhere like the floor, couch ect. Basically anywhere were you two can lay down and enjoy each others touch.
~ One thing is for sure, he loves everything about you and your cuddling, so please don't ever take that privilege away from him.
A/N: I hope this delivered Ember! And I hope you have a good day.
Drink water and Stay Healthy Lovelies! <3
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is-this-yuri · 8 months
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i think maybe the only thing that can't be yuri is trans men (unless a trans man feels differently about this)
hi let me tell you all a secret
i'm transmasc and also a lesbian. i consider myself butch. i'm in a relationship with a wonderful girl who is also a lesbian, and we joke about being yuri occasionally.
my pronouns are he/him, i have a beard and a deep voice, i've had top surgery, and to the general public i appear to be a cis man. i like it that way! i believe this aesthetic is as far on the butch side of the butch/femme spectrum as you can get. men, even cis men, can be butch. it just happens to be the default for them due to cultural expectations, so we don't generally think of it like that.
i never felt quite comfortable with the gendered expectations of being in a straight relationship. i've been reading yuri since i was a tween, and back then i considered myself a lesbian too. once i realized i wanted to transition to male, i thought i had to let go of the lesbian label, even though i didn't really feel straight. i even felt guilty and creepy for reading yuri, so i stopped doing it for a while.
i've always related to lesbian romance more than straight romance, so i decided to not let go of the lesbian label for myself. i'm also very lucky to be dating such an understanding girl that can look past my flesh shell and love the real me inside, and our love is very gay, despite appearances.
this may be a rare story, but it is real! yuri, yaoi, gay, straight, man, woman, they're all just words we use to imprecisely attempt to describe an infinitely complex reality. all words are like that. we made them up to create pretty much arbitrary dividing lines, and now most people insist on following those lines to a T. even though many people don't even agree on where those lines lie!
the truth is, words are fake. but love is real. self expression is as fluid as the blood in our veins, and true identities are as numerous as individuals.
and while yes, words are useful as a tool to communicate, they should not be mistaken for the reality they attempt to describe. the beauty of a tool that can change is that you can use it however you want. i will respect your words, and i'd want you to respect mine too. we can use different words to describe the same thing and still agree. there's no point in us telling each other we're using the tool wrong, as long as the job gets done.
what i'm saying is we should all take this stuff a little less seriously. describe yourself however you want, and i'll respect that! you can do whatever you want forever. but in a queer and open minded world, nothing and nobody are exempt from potentially being yuri.
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htttg · 8 months
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Argument - Alessia Russo x Reader
Summary: You spend a day getting ignored by your girlfriend until she realises...
1.3k words
"Babe!" I heard Less call from the bedroom and I paused my show to go and check on her. She was standing in our room, holding her hairspray in her hand.
"Yeah?"
"Have you been using my hairspray?" she asked
"No, why?"
"Are you sure?"
"Very sure, yeah, Less you know I don't ever really use hairspray, and I would ask you anyway,"
"I don't remember finishing it, that's all,"
I had the feeling she didn't really believe me, but I genuinely hadn't touched her hairspray, so I guessed she'd just forget it eventually.
"Okay, you wanna come watch a film together?"
"I might join you in a little bit,"
I went back down to the tv, expecting Less to join me at some point, but she never did. I could hear her rummaging around the bathroom and bedroom, opening all the cupboards and going through the drawers.
I would usually have helped her find for what she was looing for, but my muscles were aching at the moment after a particularly hard workout this morning.
Eventually, Less came backdown stairs and grabbed sat in the kitchen to eat something. I felt like I hadn't seen her much today, so I went and joined her.
I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, kissing her cheek as I hugged me. To my genuine surprise, she drew away from me.
"I'm trying to eat," she muttered, her voice flat, sounding annoyed.
"Sorry," I apologised sheepishly, and backed off, deciding to get something to eat as well seeing as it was almost dinner time, "are you going somewhere?" I asked, noticing she was wearing her nice perfume and a little more makeup than normal
"Yeah, I'm going round to Tooney's, I'm leaving in like an hour,"
"Were you going to tell me?" I asked, feeling a little out of the loop and dejected.
"At some point, yeah course,"
"I can give you a lift-"
"No, that's fine Ella said she'd come get me,"
"Alright then, have fun,"
I put my salad together, and sat down next to her, expecting a conversation to start soon after like it normally did. Something felt a little off, a little cold. I took my salad and finished it in front of the tv.
She went out soon after that, she didn't say goodbye to me or anything. No goodbye kiss or hug like normal. The house felt so empty after she'd gone, so quiet.
I got restless sitting on the sofa, and decided to go on a walk. I went upstairs to grab a jacket. I slid on one of Lessi's jackets, and was about to leave the bedroom when the bin caught my eye. I stared at the empty hairspray can in the bin, remembering the conversation we'd had earlier.
Is that why she was being weird? She thought I'd used her hairspray?
Anger and hurt stung my insides. There's no way she thought I'd just lie to her face like that, right?
I pulled her jacket off, hanging it back up in the wardrobe and grabbed one of my own.
I didn't want to give her another reason to ice me out.
I expected the walk to clear my head, but my emotions just sort of multiplied. I was hurt that she'd been so cold, and I was angry that she hadn't believed me. I mean, she didn't even talk to me about it, she just ran off to Ella.
I wondered if she was talking to Ella about it now, telling her I'd lied to her face. I tried to push away the anger, begging some more understanding feelings to take over, but I couldn't seem to manage to understand her.
I got back home about half an hour later, mind fogged. I tried to forget it, and instead texted Less asking what time she'd be home.
Me: any idea what time you'll be back? Should I wait up?
I took a while for her to reply, but an hour later she texted back
Less: not after midnight - dont wait up
I watched to clock tick over to midnight, no Less. I watched as the time turned 1, no Less. I wanted to text, to make sure she was alright, but I knew she was. Either she'd lost track of the time, or she wasn't planning on coming back anytime soon. There was no text saying she'd be out later than expected, which she'd normally do even before she was due to get back.
I could text Tooney, but I figured I was a hot topic for them today, and just couldn't be bothered. I sighed, and just got into bed and tried to sleep.
The next morning, she still wasn't back. I couldn't really focus on my day, couldn't really be bothered to get out of bed or get changed, but I wasn't about to ruin my mood just because my girlfriend couldn't trust me not to use her hairspray.
I texted Leah, hoping she was free.
Me: ru free today I need a reason to get up cl
Leah: sure, shopping?
Me: perf, I'll pick u up in an hr
I forced myself out of bed, and into a cute outfit. I did some light makeup and had a cereal bar before leaving to house.
I got back before Less did, which hurt a little bit, but I just decided to do some baking or something to keep myself busy.
Less got back as I was sifted in the flour. She didn't call out a hello like she normally would. I left the baking and went to see her.
"I didn't realise when you said midnight you meant the next day," I muttered to her, watching her untie her laces
"Sorry, we had a bit to drink and lost track of time, Tooney said I could stay over and I didn't think you'd want to deal with me drunk,"
"A text would've been nice. I was worried,"
I hadn't been worried, I knew she was blanking me, but she didn't have to know that.
"Well, I told you not to wait up,"
"Alright," I answered, going back to my cookies
She followed me into the kitchen a few moments later, and I saw her stop short at the shopping on the side. I knew what she'd seen. I didn't look at her, instead focusing on my cookies as she processed it.
I scooped them onto a baking tray, and turned around, jumping back when she was right behind me, a new can of hairspray in her hands.
"You- you bought me a new one?"
"Well yeah," I shrugged, "I was out anyway and you mentioned you ran out, so I grabbed another can,"
I tried to walk away, put she took my hand and pulled me back, wrapping her arms around my shoulders, hugging me tightly.
It took me a second to process the action, but once she'd nestled her head into the crook of my neck, I returned the hug, my arms snaking around her waist.
I relaxed into the hug, pulling her closer and breathing into her gently. The familiar feeling washed over me, and a smile tugged at my lips.
"I was such a bitch," she mumbled into the hug, "I'm sorry,"
I pulled away, and pressed a kiss into her cheek.
"It's okay," I mumbled
She shook her head.
"I knew you were telling the truth, I just-"
"It's okay, really,"
It was a bit of a lie, but I could tell she was really hating herself for it, so I nodded reassuringly.
"You're too perfect for me,"
I chuckled softly.
"That might be true,"
She hit my arm softly, a small smile on her face.
"I buy you hairspray and you hit me, wow I feel appreciated,"
"Oh shut up. Can we have the rest of the day in? I fancy watching that film now," 
I nodded, "course Less,"
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skxllz · 5 months
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Hi! If I can, I'd like to request something with Carl Gallagher and a fem reader! Can you please write about a mature and slightly stoic reader with two younger siblings, that lost their parents at a young age and she had to be the mother figure in their lives? I really like your writing and I thought you would make it a great short drabble.
(btw, the difference between the reader and her siblings is like, 2-4 years apart. Also, can the siblings be adopted by their really sweet and overprotective aunt? Thanks!)
I'm not sure if this is what you wanted anon but I'm lacking motivation so bear with me 😭
+
“ what was it like for you growing up? ” carl asked suddenly, his grey-ish blue eyes darting around amongst the night sky.
the two of you had ditched the party in your aunt's house, a celebration for your younger sister who had scored the lead in the romeo and juliet play at school, to lie out on the roof and point out different constellations. although carl didn't know shit about astronomy, you somewhat knew what you were talking about.
the question he asked arose after he explained a situation to you he remembered from when he was younger. involving his brother, some angry asshole and him taking out the guy's leg with the infamous baseball bat they keep on the stairwell of the living room. you managed a small grin from the story, but that was about it.
“ shitty. ” you replied in a short, blank tone. your stare remained on the different stars that lingered in the sky — unfortunately, not so many appeared that night, so you didn't have much to go on.
carl noticed you didn't exactly elaborate on why or how. and, even though he figured it had something to do with your parents not being around, he felt the need to push at it. would that make him an asshole? probably. but he's known you for seven months now and knew little about you, aside from the fact that you're rather... empty- or straightforward? with your responses.
let's just say, you could take shit in a way he never could. he's witnessed you getting yelled at with little to no reaction — if that were him, he'd lose it.
“ uh- ” he cleared his throat, turning to look at you with a lop sided smile. he almost seemed nervous to ask. “ how shitty? ”
you spared him a glance out of the corner of your eye. you seemed annoyed, but in reality, it was just your face- actually, you were surprised carl had the balls to ask. you knew the male was bold, he's shown that many times, but he's also been polite enough not to press into the business of your life.
you're glad he did though, in a way... you kind of wanted to tell somebody.
I mean, it's not like it was a secret. but to just get the weight off would be nice.
so with a sigh, you turned onto your side and tucked your arm under your head; balancing the weight of your head of your fist while you stared the brunette down. “ my parents died when I was little. that's why no one ever talks about them — also why my siblings live here with my aunt. ”
carl's brows shot up at this information, and his eyes slightly widened. “ oh, shit- ”
you cut him off from saying anything sympathetic. “ I had ta’ take care of ‘em when I was only ten. and, yeah I knew how to make ramen in the microwave, but I had no clue how to cook eggs. had no clue how to make acceptable meals for younger children - hell, I was reading out of cookbooks and it was confusing as fuck. ” you blinked away your frustration, ceasing the crease that began to form between your brows “ but I did it. I learned. ”
it was sad, really. listening to you rant on and on about how you had to clean up after them, teach your younger brother how to properly read because the school system wasn't shit. how you had to teach both your siblings how to tie their shoes, comb their hair on their own, prep their own meals as they got older - until finally their aunt stepped up to adopt them out. you were fifteen by then.
she took on you, as well, but you were gone by time your eighteenth birthday came around. of course you checked in with them everyday, but your aunt would always reassure you they were doing just fine and shooed you out.
“ jesus christ, y/n. ” carl mumbled, staring at you with a melted look of sympathy and.. something else. something unspecified. all he knows, it that it reminded him of his situation with fiona and their siblings - only, their parents weren't dead.
you pressed your lips together and averted your gaze to the sky again; once more rolling onto your back, tucking your arms behind your head to get comfortable. “ don't... look ‘t me like that. I'm fine, okay? that's the past. I'm just glad my brother and sister grew up alright. ”
“ but you had to take on a lot- ” carl pointed out with a frown, orbs dancing over your face in sadness. he did not want to see the girl he liked just push this shit off like it was nothing.
“ it's fine. ” you dully croaked, only to clear your throat right after. you refused to give in and tear down any walls that you've built up. “ I'm alright. ”
carl hesitated for a moment, leaning forward as if he were going to hug you- his arm lifted... but then, he lowered it back down to his side. gulping down any words that wanted to leave his mouth out of disagreement. “ alright... but I'm here for you. ”
you didn't reply at first, too caught up in your own head, but you heard him. you absorbed what he said.
and, for just a moment, a real smile lifted to your lips.
“ thank you, ” you mumbled, “ I appreciate it. ”
carl grinned, turning his eyes back onto the sky. “ anytime. ”
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goldsbitch · 3 months
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I could tell them where you were that night
part 3 to I gave so many signs
summary: They shouldn't. They really shouldn't...But they did.
warning: present + flashbacks, mature content, cheating, self pleasure, alcohol and smoking, typos
song fic (disclaimer: rights belong to the respectable owners)
The Alibi - Dylan delicate - Taylor Swift
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But if there was a crime If there was a body, if there was a knife If you told a real good, real bad lie I'd be standing by your side
Both of them knew this was not going to end well. This screamed "bad idea" on all levels. He should have just turned and run back home. She should have gone straight back to the bar as soon as she saw his unmistakable figure. There was no one to diffuse the tension, all of her friends were back upstairs ordering another drink. Nobody to play pretend to.
"So you're a smoker now," Charles said with a hint of disgust. She'd cursed herself for ever picking up the habit. He had never made her nervous back in the day, maybe she was cashing it in all now retroactively. Stood there like a lamb waiting for someone else to decide her destiny. Totally at his mercy and he had no idea. "Yeah, for a moment I was. Now just these," she pointed to the latest trendy vape in her hand, which Charles mistook for a cigarette. "Ah. Cool." "Not really," she said and inhaled extra large dose of fruity smoke just to breathe it in his face. The regular rules of proximity didn't seem to apply to to them. If he had been standing closer to her, he'd have to be touching her. "So, you're a runner now?" she took the opportunity she looked him up and down, trying not to let her imagination run too wild. "Always was." "No, you were not," she laughed genuinely. "What are you trying to play at here?" She was right. Charles picked up running with his first real girlfriend. "And what a bizarre thing anyway - to go for a run after a night out," she pointed out and he smirked, as both of them knew she got him with that. "I should not be seen with you for long. Doubt that you'd pass as a fan." It felt like an invitation from him, but she was well aware that he was not inviting her to his home. There was a strange spark in his face, as if he dared her to ask him to come over. Like a shameless devil testing her self control. "I'll take a cab and you can run over to my place. Let's see who'll get there first," she dared him back.
If there was a way That someone at the scene had saw your face I could tell 'em where you were that night You were standing by my side
"You should have told me that you parents were home!" he whispered angrily, as they snuck in like they used to back in the day. Funny how it worked like magic and Charles felt as if he just turned nineteen, terrified of running into Y/N's angry mom. "What? It's not like your place is empty, correct?" she shot arrows at him without waiting for an answer. Shot of guilt went thought Charles and he decided chased that by lying to himself, thinking that this was just a casual catch up with an old friend.
We can't make Any promises now, can we, babe? But you can make me a drink
Charles waited on the balcony adjacent to her old high school bedroom, that remained untouched for years, serving as a perfect door for nostalgia, while she made their favorite Moscow mule. He had tasted many of those since they last saw each other. None of those tasted so intoxicating like this one.
"So, big racer boy. Always wondered. Which out of the cities you go to is the most fun?" "Define fun. I'm sure your taste has evolved over the years." Yes, it had. No longer was she blind towards the god like man sitting across from her. "Ok, where did you fuck the most girls?" "Monaco," he smirked at her. He realized he enjoyed teasing her. No longer was he the shy love stuck puppy dancing as she demanded. "You became quite forward, huh? I remember you avoiding these subjects," he followed up, testing the waters. She gave him a long look, before letting a loud sigh out: "Charlie, it's been years. People change. Mature. Gain experience..." "And then come back to where they started, huh?"
Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you're in my head? 'Cause I know that it's delicate
He leaned a little too close for an old time friend. Slowly, he touched her hand and waited for her to stop him. When she didn't, he tangled his fingers with hers. No longer were they soft baby hands, but adult fingers with tender touch. "I missed you," he said quietly. Old habit kicked in and she avoided his eye contact. But this time, he put his hand on her cheek and turned her face towards him, so that she couldn't just dismiss it, like she had so many times back then. "I missed you too." There was an urgency and a vulnerability that he had never heard from her before. It was addicting and intoxicating. He carefully closed the gap between them and their lips brushed so lightly that one could still pass it as friendly touch, if they really really wanted to. But with every second they kept their lips like that, the gap of morally safe evening kept closing inevitably. They stayed like that for just a few seconds, both of them waiting to see if the other one pulls away. Until finally, her lips moved slightly and then there really was no way back. Charles forgot that there ever was anyone else in his life and kissed her slowly. She took his bottom lip in and let her tongue lick it, breaking the soft kiss with urgency only years of daydreaming can bring.
Do the girls back home touch you like I do? Long night with your hands up in my hair Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs Stay here, honey, I don't wanna share
This was bad. Ugly, disrespectful and not something a friend would do. Charles was locked in room again having the luxury to spend few weeks in a sunny Monte Carlo. But sunny days at home also meant that he and Y/N were spending a lot of time together. Charles knew he was head-over-heels for this girl, but kept himself at bay. But these thoughts he was having were a little too much. Inappropriate. Made him feel dirty and shameful. He was just a teenage boy and he just came back from a beach day with his crush. It was impossible to focus on anything, he was suppose be studying for his exam, exploring race strategies, anything! He could have been a good son and helped his mom out. But no, instead he was pacing around his room, desperately trying to block all the images that got burned to his memory under that day's bright sunlight. Why did he even suggest a beach day - and why would she ever agree to that. Stupid idea. Charles was mad at himself for being so stereotypically teenage. For a split second, he stopped with the self-shame and allowed himself to recall this afternoon. Perfect Monaco sunlight hitting Y/N lightly tanned skin, her hair falling out of her messy bun, just begging for him to tuck it behind her ear. This was all still pretty innocent. But then there were the shoulders. The collarbone leading way towards her boobs, covered by a piece of bathing suite fabric, that pushed her cleavage up just a little bit, but it felt like a weapon designer specifically to destroy him. He had to stop himself from looking. When that proved impossible, he opted for looking only when he had his sunglasses on. If only he could take his hand and lightly brush over her nipples, which he couldn't forget about since the Moscow mule night. And then if only he could squeeze her boobs while tracing the line of her waste and over to her ass, also barely covered by a bathing suite. If only he was brave enough to do so, to make his wildest dreams come true and to confess his feelings. To have her come over to his place, look him suggestively in the eye, lick her lips and take him in her pretty little mouth. It didn't matter that she was slightly younger, in his fantasy she was the more experienced one, the one to guide him, instruct him and tell him what she likes. And once he learned, he would make her moan like nobody before, because he would adapt himself to any style she'd want. The visuals of a daydream extension of their today's hang out crept in, and there she was, taking her bra off and inviting him to join her in the water. Free, happy and heavenly hot. By some miracle he managed to avoid having a boner in her company. What he didn't manage was to stop stroking himself while drowning in the thoughts about her and her body, no matter how shameful it was for him. The best orgasm of his life yet had his hands covered with his cum and his head with clouded with growing, never-stoping need for a touch from his crush.
It was a different man kissing Y/N than the boy who had imagined it more times that he would ever admit. Yet still, he was getting to live out his ultimate fantasy, one that he almost forgot he had, until all the desire rushed back in and screamed so loudly he couldn't hear anything else. And the best thing? The best thing was that she was responding enthusiastically, felt as if she was hungry for something only he could have. He was a different man now, experienced, understood the spectrums of what touch could offer. The confidence radiated from him and it was Y/N who was now who danced way over the line of self control. It was her, who drank so much cheap wine in the form of men bad at sex, that she could finally appreciate the Montrachet Chardonnay she overlooked the first time around.
"We should get inside, mon cheri," he whispered into her lips. She understood why and did not want to hear him say it. Because in his silence, she could insert any thought and that was probably better than the hard truth - they were too exposed on her balcony. She nodded and slowly opened her eyes. Even with the dim lights she saw the tender spark in the most captivating shade of blue the world can offer.
Oh damn, never seen that color blue Just think of the fun things we could do
He pressed her to the door frame while devouring her lips. Lines have been crossed and the room was filled with unresolved sexual tension. Charles wanted her - naked and moaning in pleasure. She pulled his hair while they made out and each pull was like gasoline to the fire of his desire. He traced her side with his cheeky finger and then slipped his hand under her t-shirt only to trace the line of her bra and then swiftly cupping her breast. "So you're wearing bras now," he let slip out of his mouth, already fucking her in his thoughts. His comment sparked a distant memory of an evening long gone by now. She was shivering his touch and wanted more and more. "Yeah...but now you're not gonna have to touch yourself alone or secretely," she said, hoping he actually had done that in the past, trying to tease him once more, while grabbing the hem of his belt and pulling him even closer. It worked. He was hard as a rock. He pressed his cock against her and started kissing her neck. She wondered if he understood the cocktail of pleasure and arousal he was preparing for her and felt even a bit shameful to crumble so easily. He felt her cave into his embrace as soon as he touched her neck and made a mental note, so come back to this spot once he was inside her. He thought about her devilish finger making her way to his cock slowly, just painfully slowly. She was teasing him and while he was loving that, he couldn't wait a second longer. He grabbed her hand pushed right onto his erection, which cause her letting out a surprised gasp. "I'm gonna fuck you, Y/N. Say yes if you want me to," he whispered into her neck. Not much second guessing went into her reply. "Yes," she moaned out, causing shivers on his neck. "Really?" he said, unhooking her bra. She smiled. This was no shy unsure Charlie. This was a confident man with intension to make her feel good. "Yes..." With that, he pulled away to help her get her t-shirt off and get rid of the cursed bra. Finally, he could stare as much as he wanted to.
He fucked her like there was no tomorrow. For them there really wasn't a tomorrow, because technically, there wasn't suppose to be a tonight. It was to stay as a blank page, moans written in an invisible ink, for no one but them to read. Morning would bring trouble, reason would wake up and start ordering around. As long as the sun wasn't watching, they were safe, hidden in each other and wrapped by desire.
Sometimes when I look into your eyes I pretend you're mine all the damn time
part 4
--------------------------------------------------------- @linnmee @itsjustkhaos @rhythmstars @blueflorals
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saintgoo · 4 months
Text
Sun and Moon ☆
PAIRING: JJ Maybank x Reader
GENRE: Tooth Rotting Fluff, Best Friends to Lovers (they are already dating)
WARNINGS: None
A/N: was listening to Skyline To by Frank Ocean (aka a song of one of the best albums ever) and wanted to write something abt how I feel when this song plays, so there u go. (Wrote this thinking of the reader as a black girl, but there is no race definition 😁)
wc: 1k ★ ... masterlist ★ ... taglist
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"I promise I will love you like the Sun loves the Moon."
Those words echoed in your head for so long. As much as twelve years had passed since JJ had said that to you on that playground at daycare, you never allowed yourself to forget it, I mean, how could you?
If you told your younger self that you'd be watching the sunrise with your childhood crush while he hugs you from behind, you'd probably laugh and say it was a lie. Well, who knew that the years of suppressing your own feelings for your best friend would be worth it in the end?
JJ's arms wrapped around your waist hugging you from behind, watching the sky begin to form vibrant colors and the sun prepare to rise while you wondered if he still remembered his promise from when you were children.
"What's going on in that little head of yours, hm?" He whispered, clearly noticing your inattention to what was going on around you guys. You sighed, turning in his embrace to wrap your arms around his neck.
"Well?" JJ pressed, as he tightened his grip. "What's on your mind?” You couldn't help but giggle as his arms pressed into you furthermore. It felt so comfortable and secure like nothing could ever separate you from his embrace.
You smiled softly feeling the ocean wind hit you both gently. "Nothing really," you mumbled into his neck, feeling a little tired. "Just thinkin’ about this place.”
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" JJ said and kissed you again, this time on the side of your cheek. He chuckled softly as you squirmed away.
"Too much," you chuckled nervously.
"I can't help it. You’re too gorgeous," he whispered, brushing your hair away from your face as he gazed at you with those piercing blue eyes.
Butterflies formed in your stomach, you would never get used to the spontaneous compliments no matter how much time passed. You touched his face with both hands, bringing him close to you before leaving a quick kiss on the lips. Watching his face form a goofy smile and he shifts his attention to the horizon ahead, holding your waist and turning you so you have the same view as him. “Look, the sun is starting to come out.” You heard him whisper in your ear softly, seeing him point his finger at the red ball that was waking up.
“Y'know… even though I've lived here since I was born, I've never seen the sunrise on the beach before”
JJ tilted his head, smiling softly as his blue eyes met yours from behind, "You've never seen it from the beach? Really?" He said softly, bringing you closer to him and resting his hands on your hips. "But how could that be?" He asked playfully, resting his own head on top of yours.
"I've never had someone who wanted to watch the sunrise with me," you joked, intertwining your fingers with his on your waist, "Glad I'm here now then." He chuckled warmly, squeezing you tighter in his embrace, this time more passionately. One of his hands found its way underneath your stomach, tracing lines up your skin, "I think I'd watch the sunrise with you for your entire life if you asked me to."
You smiled sheepishly, turning your attention away from the sunrise to give JJ a peck, before surprisingly removing his hands from your figure and starting to walk backwards towards the ocean without taking your eyes off him.
Surprised by your sudden change in momentum, JJ laughs softly, watching you walk backward away from him, his blue eyes staring deeply at you as if you were a living work of art. He moves one of his hands over his chest, feeling his heart beating within, and slowly follows you with his gaze as you get closer to the edge of the ocean. “Where are you going?” He says softly, a smile cracking on the corners of his lips.
“Catch me.” You smiled, remembering some of the games you played as children, running after each other along the beach. This time JJ came running towards you, and you playfully ran towards the water while screaming. Wetting your clothes, you tried to escape from him by swimming away, but he was quicker to catch you before you could, laughing alongside you as you hugged his neck, both of you wet and bathed in the sun's rays.
He held your waist kissing you deeply, the peaceful waves lapping at you as you enjoyed the moment on that empty beach, takin' time.
During that kiss, you felt happiness all over your body. As the memories of childhood flash before your eyes, you are taken back. The two of you made so many promises, and the two of you were inseparable. Time would pull you apart, but your hearts were still connected. The warmth of JJ's lips takes on a whole new meaning, and the love you feel for him is more than just childhood crushes. As the waves lap at your toes the warmth of both the sun and JJ's embrace is what matters most. The moment feels surreal, and you wish that time could stand still so that this moment wouldn't have to end. You feel at peace with the world and your childhood vows feel renewed, as if that child was still alive within you. As the kiss breaks, you feel the wind on your face and smile, knowing that no matter what happens your connection with JJ is strong. The memories may be in the past, but the feelings of childhood love never die fully.
“[Name]...” JJ held your waist securely, your bodies pressed together as the sea embraced your presence. “I love you more than the Sun loves the Moon.”
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Send me a request! ☆
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charlie-lec-stories · 2 months
Text
Everything happens for a reason // CL16
Pairing: Charles Leclerc / Stroll!Sister
Summary: After a whole life of following her father's orders, Y/N's tired of being the good girl and when she finally stood up for herself with the help of her best friend, all hell broke loose.
Warnings: Sexual comments and scenarios, cheating, strong vocabulary.
Author’s Note: Well guys, gals and non-binary pals, you know I love messy stories, this is no exception. Rate: +18 (adult content)
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"UGHHHHHH". Y/N couldn't help but laugh out loud when her brother, Lance, sat down beside her, grunting as if it was the hardest thing his body had done in 20 years.
"Really, Lance, was it really that hard? Are you that old?". She rolled her eyes as the boy fixed his position on the roof, making sure that he wouldn't fall off. They had the tradition of sitting on the roof of their mansion after dinner and before bed time. They had an hour before the staff would start looking for them, the only time they could be normal and not billionaires.
"I'm not old, it was that hard, some of us train, you know. Not everyone is naturally gifted at driving cars". She laughed again. Even though her brother tried to act annoyed with her great driving, he was actually proud of her.
"I'm not that good". She lied, but he shook his head, then let it rest on her shoulder, getting comfortable next to her under the blanket she had. Her hand went to his hair, lovingly running her fingers through the locks.
"Don't lie. Gees, I'm not ever sure who you got that from, because dad sucks". She felt his body shake as he giggled at his own comment. "That old man may love racing but God knows he should never touch a steering wheel".
"Hey, don't be like that, he's an average driver...". Lance moved his head up to give her a pointed look. "He is!... When it comes to tennis karts he is". They stayed silent for a moment before bursting out laughing so hard that they got worried someone might have heard.
"Okay, okay, enough with roasting the old man". Lance said once they calmed down. He resumed his position close to her and changed the subject. "Are you excited for the new season? I mean, you have a real chance this time, sis".
"Carlos said the same". She said, sighing and looking into the horizon. The sun was setting and the sky had that perfect shade between pink and purple, it was lovely, it made her feel at peace.
"Well, we are right. I'm always right, as you obviously know, and Carlos is your best friend, he could never lie to you, that's illegal". Y/N smile, that was true, her best friend was the most honest person she had ever met, and if there were two people in the world she trusted with her life, those were Lance and Carlos.
"Speaking of Carlos, I have something to tell you about this season". Lance could feel the tension in her voice so he fixed his position again, showing her that he was giving her his full attention. "Nelson, you know, the PR guy, he told me that I have to get into a PR relationship. He gave me two options: Carlos or Leclerc. Of course, I chose Carlos. I'd rather fake-date my best friend than Charles-stupid-Leclerc".
"You should let go of that anger, your beef with Charles was years ago, he's a nice guy". Lance rolled his eyes at his sister. Y/N and Charles fought after a karting race when they were 16 and never got along after that. He was unnecessarily mean to her and she always over-reacted. But to be fair to Charles, she did say to him that he had a small penis in front of the whole grid, and that can be really harmful for a teenage boy. The fact that everyone knew that they had hooked up once only made the accusation seem more reliable, humiliating Charles even more in front of their peers. To add to the feud, Y/N called him "Peanut" and he called her "Matagot", which is basically a south-french mythology monster that only treats you well if you keep it well-fed, otherwise it can be your biggest nightmare. It was Charles' way of calling her a spoiled brat, that only cares for others when she can get something in return.
"He's not nice. But I don't want to talk about him, I want advice. I have never been in a PR relationship before and you have. It's pretty uncomfortable to have to do this with Carlos, but I have to make it work".
Lance and Y/N spent their hour talking, he gave her advice on what to do and how to keep the friendship strong after having to be all over each other in public. It was going to be awkward, but her contract said that there were things she had to do to get a better public image and Carlos was a great way to keep things interesting. Drive to Survive, the Netflix series about the sport needed something to talk about, and a relationship between two drivers from different teams was perfect, and that's how she ended up trapped with a PR relationship. Around 10 pm, they got down the roof and made their way to their rooms. Before bed, Y/N checked her phone and found a text from her best friend.
Chili-man: Hey kiddo! I know that this is going to be awkward, but remember that we're best friends first, if you ever feel uncomfortable, you let me know and I'll do everything to help out. Okay?
Y/N: Thanks Chili-man. I love to know that you're always on my corner. You're the best. And the same goes for you. It's gonna be weird, but at least I'm not fake-dating Peanut.
Chili-man: Don't be mean, he's a nice guy.
Y/N: You and my brother need to stop being such Leclerc's advocates, I'm sure he can pay his own defense lawyers, you guys don't need to do it for free. Anyways, good night and I'll see you tomorrow for the first day!
Chili-man: I promise he's not that bad. But whatever. Sleep tight kiddo. I'll see you tomorrow.
The next morning, Y/N woke up to the sound of her father shouting and her mother begging him to lower his voice. Still half asleep, she walked to the door and cracked it open. Outside, she saw Lance peeking out of his own room and after sharing a puzzled look, they moved their attention to their father. He was at the end of the hall, at the door of his room, their mother was pulling at his arm, trying to pull him into the room without success. It was strange to say the least, that their mother interfered with their father's affairs, she had her own business to worry about, but she seemed actually worried about the discussion their father was taking part in over the phone.
"I SAID NO. I don't care about the numbers, I don't care about the stupid show. She's not dating Carlos Sainz Jr. She'll do that over my dead body!". Both Lance and her looked at each other. Why was he so upset? He loved the Sainz; he had been friends with Carlos Sainz Sr. for as long as they could remember. "I DON'T CARE IF IT'S FAKE".
"Honey, please, they'll hear you". Their mother tried to calm him down, but he was furious.
"THEN USE LECLERC, BUT SHE'S NOT DATING CARLOS AND THAT'S MY FINAL WORD". She definitely didn't like that last statement. Her father hung up and stormed into his room. It was her turn to be upset, she didn't want to date Charles Leclerc, fake or for real, it was a nightmare both ways. A little later that morning she tried to convince her father in her favor, but he was so angry that it was impossible to make his change his mind. Carlos texted her mid-day, while she was on the jet on her way towards Bahrain, asking her what happened and why his PR team told him that he was replaced by Charles. She didn't want Carlos to feel bad or inadequate in the eyes of her father, so she lied and said that she had no idea and that as soon as she had an answer for that, she would tell him. When she made it to Sakhir, she was told to leave her luggage at her room and then go back to the lobby so she could wait for a car there with Nelson. They had to meet with Charles and his team to discuss the details of the arrangement. It was a quiet car ride, Nelson was aware of what she thought of Charles and that the change had not been her decision, so he let her off the hook for a few minutes.
"Welcome, Miss Stroll, please have a seat". Kathy, Charles' PR head of the department greeted her when they made it to the hotel where Ferrari was staying. The room they used for the meeting was a last time arrangement, but it had space and it made her feel better, considering how bad things could get once Charles arrived.
"Thank you". She sat down on the couch and Kathy handed her a glass of water. They didn't have to wait much before Charles walked through the door. If it wasn't for her being completely aware of how much of a prick he was, she was sure that she could fall at his feet over and over again every time she saw him. He was the most handsome man on Earth, she knew that, but he was also aware of that so it posed a problem for her.
"Sorry I'm late, I wanted to shower after the flight". He sat on the bed of the room and looked at Y/N when she scoffed.
"Thank you for that! Now the only thing that stinks in this room is your shitty personality". Charles growled. They spent less than two minutes together, 2 meters apart, and they were already at each other's throats.
"I told you this was not gonna work". He told Kathy. "She's a spoiled little shit and I can't stand her close to me. The feeling is obviously mutual, why force this?".
"Because you're the perfect marketing option and it's our job-". Kathy pointed between her and Nelson. "- to make you both a selling machine. So you'll both make it work or your teams will reduce money from your salaries for breaching your contracts".
"That's not fair. I need my money and this Matagot doesn't give two shits about her contract, her Daddy is a billionaire, you're giving her all the power in the world over me!". Charles complained. He knew that she didn't need the money, she could make his life a living hell without a problem and he would have to take it all like a good boy not to lower his income.
"Suck it up, Peanut. Compensate that small pecker of yours by being the bigger person!". She was enjoying the moment.
"The itinerary is long. Read it, learn it and follow it". Nelson explained to ease up the tension. "Remember to be caring and loving, but do not overdo it. Kiss once in a while, hold hands while you walk together. We'll take care of the interviews and the press. Act the part for Netflix and we'll help you with the conflict for the show-".
"We don't need help with conflict". Charles interrupted.
"We need conflict, not first degree murder, Charles". Kathy sent them a stern look as she let the comment out and both drivers looked at their laps.
"Okay, I got it all. Can I go now?". She wanted nothing more than to get out of there.
That night she texted Carlos, and he told her something interesting: His PR team and his father told him to put some distance with her. They were both surprised, since when did their parents dislike the idea of them being friends? They had been friends their whole lives, close since they remembered. They were like siblings, why couldn't they be friends anymore? They understood the whole PR thing, that she needed to sell and that there was drama that had to occur between her and her fake boyfriend, but why did it all have to happen with Carlos at an arms' length? It was weird and she needed to know. It was hard enough that her father had controlled her whole life, she was already old enough to make her own decision. Why did he care so much about her friends? It wasn't like she was going to date Carlos for real. Carlos had his own questions, he was almost 30, his father was stepping over a line trying to control his life like that, but he respected his old man and he was going to listen, as long as the decision didn't prove to be hurtful for his best friend.
"I'm not kissing you". She said as soon as she met Charles at the lobby of her hotel. They were supposed to show up together for the first day at the paddock. Of course, she wanted to make it difficult for him. "I'm not doing the same stupid shit twice".
"You don't have to do me this time, Matagot". Charles hissed at her. "Plus, it's not like I will enjoy it so shut up and make this easy for everyone".
"I said-". But he cut her off with his lips over hers. As fast as he did it, he pulled away and before she could say anything, he was practically dragging her to his car.
The day went by incredibly slowly, but at some point she became numb to holding hands and kissing with Charles. They would kiss and she would instantly start talking about something racing related, like Lance suggested she do to get rid of the awkwardness. Charles seemed okay with that. What was actually bothering her more was the fact that she spent the whole day without talking to Carlos. Charles noticed her looking for his teammate a few times but decided to ignore the raging fire it started inside his veins. He hated the idea that he had to date her, but he dated more the idea of her dating Carlos. He wasn't surprised when Carlos told him that he was going to date Y/N as a PR stunt, what surprised Charles was that they weren't actually dating for real. He could never understand why the Spaniard would refuse to date a woman like her. Charles found Y/N the most amazing woman, when she was nice, and she was definitely nice to Carlos. The older man explained that he never felt like that about her and it never made sense to Charles, after all, he did feel that way about her when she used to be nice to him. But that was a decade ago, and she had never been nice once to him since that time. Still, he felt pleased that Carlos wasn't a threat. She may have looked around for him, and liked him over Charles, but he didn't reciprocate her feelings, so Charles was safe. He was torn between a need for her to love him and constant reaction of disgust to everything she said.
"What the fuck are you doing here, Peanut? There are no cameras here". She said when he appeared at her room door.
"We need to talk". He made his way inside the room and she sighed, already too tired to complain.
"What do you want to talk about?". He sat on her bed and she went to the couch, not wanting to be near him.
"Do you like Carlos?". He decided that dancing around the question was pointless and she was kind of thankful that he cut to the chase.
"That's none of your business, Charles"
"Well, but we are fake dating, and he's my teammate, so I need to know". Lie, that wasn't the real reason, and she knew, but she let it slide.
"I don't like Carlos that way". She saw the accusatory look on his face and explained further. "We're best friends. Something happened. I don't know what. I think our fathers may have something to do with it. He told me that we can't hang out much for now. It's weird".
"Does this have anything to do with us getting together?". 'Failed act', Freud would say.
"We're not together Charles, we can't stand each other". He could pick up on her tired tone, maybe it was the right time to finally get her out of her shell.
"We used to. I remember that time. We had a great moment". But what he thought was going to be a comment that made her happy, completely backlashes at him.
"A great moment?! That's what it was for you? Just a great time?". She stood up, tears at the corners of her eyes and Charles suddenly felt the need to get up and hold her. He didn't, though. "That's why you just simply walked out and ignored me then? Because I was just another good time for you?"
"What? No, how did you even get there?! I never said that!". Now he was the one in a defensive mood.
"Your actions speak better than your words. You ignored me, after everything we did together, after how vulnerable I was with you. I gave you my virginity and you simply threw me away!". She was fully on crying and Charles just could take it anymore, he got up and pulled her to his body, hugging her as tightly as he could.
"I was embarrassed. I felt like I did it like shit. I was stupid and had zero experience. I came so fast because I liked you so much. I thought I let you down". He wasn't sure if she heard him, his words muffed by her hair and his sobs. "I thought you had not enjoyed that moment as much as I did and it was embarrassing, because I loved every second of it. I wanted to talk to you but your parents kind of scared me off from the house the next morning. It felt like I had done everything wrong. Then we saw each other at the race and you were so cold that I believed I was right. You then said those things... I- I just didn't know what to do".
"I shouldn't have said that. I was hurt and felt humiliated, I was wrong". She was grabbing at him as tightly as he was at her.
"We both were". He kissed her head and they broke apart. "I never stopped thinking about you. I always wondered what we could have been...". He let that linger in the air, the possibility. She took his hand and led him to the bed. Her actions spoke better than her words.
They woke up the next morning to someone pounding on the door. Charles quickly fell asleep again, but Y/N got up to tell the person at the other side to get lost. She was surprised when she found Carlos on the other side. The man didn't even say hi, he walked into the room, pushing her inside with him and slamming the door shut. The noise woke Charles up again, this time he did get up, furious when he noticed that his teammate was grabbing his girlfriend's arms with a python's grip. Carlos looked worried, but it was mixed with a bit of anger and something else Charles couldn't decipher. It wasn't until he spoke up that Carlos actually noticed his presence.
"What the fuck are you doing?!". The monegasque walked towards him, and Carlos noticed the lack of clothing, the black Calvin Klein's hanging from Charles' hips were the only thing keeping him decent.
"You two...". He suddenly smiled. "It was about time. A decade. Never met two people this slow".
"You're on thin ice, mate". Charles said, sternly.
"Then you're not going to like what I'm going to say next". Carlos took a deep breath. "I need us to fake-date, Y/N. I want to pressure my father. I think he's planning on setting me up with someone. But if he thinks we're dating even though he said no, he'll leave me alone". She looked at Charles, he didn't seem happy with the idea, but she also wanted to find out why her father was so against Carlos so suddenly.
"If- IF I do it, do you think we can make it happen sometime when both our parents are there?". Charles looked down at her frowning. "Remember last night, when I told you that I didn't know what happened? I want to find out".
"I don't know, mon Ange". She took his hand and his face relaxed a bit. He used to call her that, when they were younger, it felt right.
"I need to know, something feels off. This is the reason why we are together now. Over ten years of history fixed by one phone call by my father". He let out the breath he was holding, she was right. "Please, everything happens for a reason, Charlie".
"Okay, let's do this".
They had to wait until after the race. Carlos Sr. and Lawrence, Lance and Y/N’s father, were sitting at the hotel restaurant, chatting with frowns on their faces. Carlos and Y/N held hands and walked towards them, Charles following them close behind. He had a part in the plan, and he was ready to execute it perfectly, even if it was harder for him to act mad at Y/N now that they had made up. The older men looked up at their children when the three drivers approached them. To say that they looked horrified would be an understatement. Carlos Sr. seemed about to throw up, while Lawrence was simply shocked. The first part of the plan was done, keeping the element of surprise. Now to phase two: the lie itself. They sat at the table, Carlos in the middle of Charles and Y/N, his hand interlocked with hers resting on the table so their fathers could see them. It took the older men a moment to get the color back to their faces, but when they did, Lawrence went from white to red in a second.
"What the hell is this?". He asked, trying to keep the little cool he had left.
"We're dating, Mr. Stroll. We wanted you both to know". Carlos was the oldest, he took the lead.
"You can't". Carlos Sr. said with his voice rough thanks to the lump in his throat.
"That's not your decision, Dad". Everything was going as expected, but they had to admit that their fathers did look more disturbed than they had foreseen.
"It is. You won't date Carlos, you will date Charles as it was planned by the PR team and I don't want to hear anything else about it". That was Charles’ cue.
"I won't date her if she's in love with my teammate. We can barely stand each other, I won't get stuck into this mess for her". It hurt, but he had to say it like that. The other two didn't budge, and they had to pull out the last resort they had to press their fathers' buttons. Y/N saw their mothers walking to the table, so she took Carlos by the chin and started to get closer to him, ready to kiss him. Before they could make contact, Carlos Sr. was pushing them away.
"You can't do that, don't do that". He was almost losing it.
"Why?". She whispered, her eyes looking into his and a chill ran down her spine.
"You're half-siblings". It was Lawrence who said it. There was a long list of options that Carlos and Y/N had made of what could have happened, being siblings was not on the list.
"What?". Charles was as stunned as them. Lawrence and Carlos Sr. sighed and rested against the backs of the seat. Their wives, paralyzed behind them, were still unnoticed by the rest of the table.
"I had an affair with Lawrence's assistant. Of course your mother didn't know about it". Carlos Jr. had an expression impossible to read as his hand gripped Y/N tightly. "She got pregnant, asked me to leave your mother. I refused. She had the baby, Y/N. But then she got postpartum depression. She killed herself three weeks after giving birth".
"Y/N, you mother had just lost a pregnancy, no one knew, I found you in that house, alone, crying. It was the chance to give your mother a baby after the one she lost". Lawrence continued.
"You had the power and money to make it happen". Charles was officially angry, and it wasn't even his identity on the line. "What did you do with her mother? Where is she buried?".
"She was cremated. I took care of everything. I gave her the best there is". Carlos Sr.'s wife was looking at Lawrence's with pain in her eyes. She knew, all this time she knew that they were raising her husband's offspring and she hid it from her.
"Why did you let us become friends?". It was Carlos Jr.'s time to ask. 
"I wanted to keep in contact with her, watch her grow. You two got along so well, she ended up liking racing too. Everything led to you two in my life". Carlos Sr. let a few tears free. "Ten years ago, we considered letting you know the truth".
"Your mother and I discussed it, but then we saw that Charles was in the house, we kind of got rid of him to talk to you, but then you looked so upset. You got disqualified from the race for fighting with Charles. We understood that you were going through a lot, so we desisted". Lawrence added.
Carlos Jr.'s mother made her presence known and the three drivers took the chance to run away from the situation, knowing that the argument the two couples had was going to be too much to witness. The three ran to Y/N's room, crossing paths with Lance on their way there. Telling Lance that his sister was not his biological sister was one of the worst conversations they had. But they were all victims of so much, they found solace in sharing the tears together. They refused their parents' calls for the night, sending a text explaining that they needed time and that they would reach out when they felt like it. The four of them stayed in the room, chatting and calming themselves down. The irony of it all struck Y/N like a lighting and she couldn't help but laugh.
"What's so funny, mon Ange?". Charles asked and then kissed the back of her hand.
"If my parents hadn't scared you off that morning, we would have never discovered the truth". She explained, but her brothers didn't follow. "Charles walking out on me that morning is the reason why we fought that day in the race. Because of the fight in the race, we started hating each other. Because of the rivalry, I choose to fake-date Carlos instead of Charles. Because of my choice, Dad made the call and everything else followed".
"So, if you and Charles had made up that day...". Carlos started.
"We would have probably been together today, no need for PR, no need for your fathers to say anything".  Charles finished. All four laughed softly. "I was so sad that things didn't work out back then".
"Everything happens for a reason".
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Okay, this is a LONG ASS STORY, sorry guys for not posting in months, I've been so caught up with work I literally thought I could get fired, but I had some time to edit this one. I hope you liked it. Remember to like, comment, reblog and all those beautiful things you do.
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friendlybowlofsoup · 8 months
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Another Update
Hello Friends,
I have a rather long (but optimistic!) update to share with you all today. As many of you are probably tired of reading these kind of posts, I have a TL;DR here, but I did want to share what has been on my mind in that past half-year that I haven't been here.
It has been rough, and busy as always, but I think I'm finally facing myself and my project for the first time in a very long time.
TL;DR (it's actually long, I have a lot to say (*_ _)人)
I soul-searched and decided to stop compromising on my own feelings with regards to this project. I gave in to everything I wanted to do.
Plot changes, which means some character changes, which means some of the demo is outdated.
GotRM will be switching over to Twine.
----
OH MAN DID I SUFFER THE LAST FEW MONTHS
After my previous update, I hunkered down and really analyzed how I wanted to proceed with GotRM as a project. Because even prior to that post, I had already been going through long periods of hiatuses (which you are all aware of), and while I didn't lie about school taking up my time, I was also harboring a growing dissatisfaction with my own writing that really killed my progress for a long time.
So after everything had settled, I sat down and forced myself to peel apart my work. I know I said I would answer asks, but I uninstalled all of my social media and put aside this blog to focus. I made a note of all the things I liked and didn't like, and I made a list of things I wanted to change or improve on. The biggest point was that I also looked at my efficiency during actual writing sessions: how much of my time was spent writing vs. fighting with code? How could I change that?
And after a lot of deliberation, I figured there were a few things I had to change from the ground up, summed up in four points:
My working style was super incompatible with grad school. I can't spend 20-30 minutes scrolling up and down CSIDE checking code or looking for narratives while also jumping between chapters to make sure events line up. As this story grows, the more difficult it becomes to keep track of all the branches, so I needed an alternative working method, which I am adhering to now, and it prioritizes efficiency.
I hated the way I was tracking and coding stats in-game. I have griped so much about coding stats, and I have adhered to such a rigid style that I really felt trapped whenever I was confronted with balancing them out. So I'm throwing that to the wind and redoing how I utilize and convey them. Player-side, this decision doesn't change much since I never fully utilized stats in the demo anyway, and the stats page with indicators will still exist, but I'm getting rid of stat bars and how I treat stat checks.
The story I want to write now is different from the one I started out with. I've known for a while that GotRM was becoming far more than the tiny, wishful novella that I wrote as a teenager. I held onto that old story for a long time, but there's just so much I want to change that I realized I'd been clinging to a story I no longer enjoyed writing. So I spent the majority of the last few months rewriting GotRM from scratch. I redid some worldbuilding, I changed a lot of plot points, and I fixed a lot of characters' backstories accordingly. This meant scrapping stuff from even the demo, but that turned out to not be the biggest issue because:
I wanted to branch away from ChoiceScript. Honestly, I never really cared about getting officially published, but the camaraderie in the forums and on Tumblr were why I committed to CS and CoG. However, ultimately, I really want the functionality that other tools can offer GotRM, and so after a long internal debate, I will be switching over to Twine. Fortunately, since I was rewriting everything anyways, this has been relatively painless, and passage mapping has made everything so much neater. I am trying my best to make it up to chapter 2 before I release the new demo, so please look forwards to that!
And so yes, I am still here, chugging along.
I love this game and this story: it's been my creative escape for as long as I could remember, and you can imagine how frustrated I was when I realized I was starting to dread working on it.
I am forever learning more about myself and my writing style, and this is simply more of that journey. Thank you everyone for sticking around, for joining the discord, and for checking up on me--that I have all of you has truly been a dream.
Hopefully more updates to come soon! I understand that there may be questions about these new changes, so please ask away! I will (try) to release some asks that I've been working on in the drafts too, but I will wait until at least tomorrow to release them so that this post doesn't get drowned out immediately.
And as always, with a lot of love,
FriendlyBowlofSoup (Mei)
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simpingland · 7 months
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The little lights// Osferth x fem!reader.
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Summary: Osferth has many reasons to keep his love for you a secret. But there is a limit to everything, and if can't marry you, then he will make his bows during a secret handfasting ceremony by the river.
A/N: fluff and so much fluff!!!! Osferth does inappropriate things here but not specified.
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Osferth found it hard to keep secrets, but since it was you, he always did his best, knowing that the consequence of not doing so would drive you apart. However, you always took care to give him a reprimanding look when he got too close or whispered things in your ear.
It had all started when Uthred and his party had let you get involved in their adventures when you were orphaned, you knew how to ride a horse and you were a quick learner. So taken in by father Beocca and Thyra, you soon became something of a niece to the Danish-English leader. To the rest you did not think you were too important. True, Sihtric and Finan were fond of you, as if you were fond of a friend, and Hild also helped you in the few things Thyra could not understand. But from the beginning, with Osferth everything was different.
The instant you rode beside him, his eyes stayed with you as much as the afternoon went on. And though it was Uthred who gave you water and bread to fill that empty stomach, it was Osferth who had accompanied you in prayer to watch over your parents. He knelt beside you, and his concentration inspired yours for hours. You had never been a devout Christian, and Osferth assured you that none of that mattered if you were good at heart. Even he didn't know at first if that would be the case for you, but he soon discovered that it did. It was when you tended his wound after the battle of Beamfleot that you watched over him day and night.
"Aren't you going to sleep at some point?" he would ask you when he regained consciousness.
"When you wake up. I have to watch to see if you suddenly stop breathing."
"And what would you do if that were the case?"
"Punch you so hard I'd make your light soul go back to where it was."
That managed to make him laugh, causing him some pain too, but after that the baby monk regained his colour.
"Everyone here wants to hit me..." he was referring to Finan and his threat to kill him if he died, and though he said it with a smile on his face, you felt a little sorry for him.
"I guess... I guess we're not all as sweet as you. You're always clear about how you feel, and you know how to say it."
"I disagree. My mind is constantly collapsed with thoughts and my heart is in knots."
"Because of faith?"
He nodded slowly. It took you quite a bit of courage to take his hand and stroke it. The coldness he conveyed was short-lived as he squeezed your hand back.
"I have seen true evil, Osferth. And I do not fear it, but I do hate it. And in you I see the opposite of hate. You are...all love."
You needed only the nearby rustle of leaves to let go, hands away again, and you lost yourself as Osferth's heart filled at your words. If this was a test, God knew he would not pass it. The days following his recovery were meals together, walking on your arm, letting him smell your hair, which you washed in the river. And he imagined you bathing with soap made by Thyra. And thanks to the soap it all really began.
He asked you, blushing, if you could wash his hair. His arm was sore and he felt dirty. The others he didn't trust, for they liked to laugh at his monk-cut, and threatened a few times to cut it off for fun. And you took him to the river where you bathed. Holding your hand, he followed your footsteps, without that oppressive sound of metal, for the weapons were outside, that place was pure comfort.
"Lie on my lap" you asked him. And his doubtful face made you question if that was a good idea. "Oh if you prefer, put your head down..."
He sat down next to you, but changed his mind. With the subtlety of a fawn, his head rested in your lap, and he watched you for a moment before closing his eyes and letting the water run over his head. Tenderly, the foam formed on his head and you rinsed him with a small glass. Your hands almost made him fall into a deep sleep right there. But when you wiped a wet bandage over his face he opened his eyes again. Concentrating on removing the stains, you tried to avoid the blue eyes staring at your lips. A moment of weakness and you looked back at him.
Who it was, it doesn't matter, but your noses brushed and your lips followed. There in the river, with the waterfalls dreaming and the frogs croaking, the soap disappeared in the water, but the butterflies in your stomach flew looking to burst into the air. That's what an Osferth kiss felt like. Immense, fresh, pure. From then on, the soap did not smell the same, it smelled like that sweet moment, repeated in a thousand different ways every time you and him were even the slightest bit alone.
You never noticed the looks the others gave you every time you laughed at everything Osferth dared to whisper in your ear. He tugged at your sleeves to hold your hand in the moments when your nerves ate at you, and you wrapped your arms around his shoulders when they marched far away and you were not allowed to accompany them, and by letting him take you by the waist, Osferth needed a whole world to let you go. Only Thyra would remove the tears that fell from your eyes at night when you did not hear from him. He always came back, and you saw his smile grow wider each time he was made proud among men, when he could bring you a small relic wrapped in simple cloth. His hanging cross was the only thing he kept when you went to the river. And there he would tell you everything he had seen, and everything he had suffered. He enjoyed washing your hair too, and he kept a lock of hair that he asked you for his travels. He cried on your shoulder more than once, and though he tried not to kiss you beyond your face, he soon reached your neck, and you could feel his hands wandering through the seams of your clothes, through the knots he imagined himself removing at night.
"I don't understand, Lord, why if I've been faithful to you so long you put me to this test. Put anything else in the way, I will overcome it, but it is only she who now occupies my mind..." Osferth prayed in his sleepless moments. "I ask you not to use her to break my heart. I feel that all her pain will be mine too."
The prayer could not avail him much, or perhaps it was precisely heard, when one night, one of those merry ones where the ale is quickly drained from the cups, Osferth and you led a secret dance, and where you went, he went. The music was secondary and a mere excuse to touch Osferth's hands so that he could cling to you. And the heat of happiness set your cheeks on fire and you stepped out into the cool of the night. In the courtyard of your house, near the tavern and where no one was yet around, you and Osferth lay looking up at the sky.
"You are a surprisingly good dancer, dear Osferth," you teased.
"That's not much credit coming from such a lousy dancer as you, my lady..."
Surprised by his comment, you gave him a gentle nudge and pushed him to the floor.
"I never expected such treachery from you.... This is not the monk I adore."
He turned you around, leaving you wrapped in the straw, and tickling you somewhat with his gentle grip. The cross hung down and brushed your neck. In the gloom, his face was still as distinguishable as in your dreams.
"I may never have told you..." he sounded sweet and serious, and his hand caressed the bridge of your nose. "But when you were in my care, I thought...I thought I was on the verge of death, and all I could feel with pain and fear was your presence beside me. I thought the Lord was preparing me to go in peace...sending me an angel."
Crickets chirped as you felt the excitement fill your eyes. You smiled like a fool at the sweet thought, and found it hard to believe. You could feel his slight embarrassment and you kissed his cheeks and could not help but giggle with pure joy. What to say to that? That you loved him? That it was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever said to you? He was the man of words. You only wanted one thing. And that night you got it. Starting with a kiss, the moon saw you finally shed your clothes and he let you explore his flesh. And out of that night came the biggest scare of your life and your greatest blessing in turn.
The news of the pregnancy nearly stopped Osferth's heart while it kept you in a state of disbelief that made you awkward all week. You needed to go cry in the river to come to terms with what was to come. You would never let go of that baby if you were healthy and had the money to raise it. But everything felt rushed and Uthred would not look kindly on this strange union between people he considered family and people he considered a team. Besides, Osferth would soon be off on a dangerous new adventure, and he himself had moral doubts about the whole life. What was clear to him was that he would not abandon you. There must be some middle step to bring you together and make that baby more than a bastard, for he had certainly sprung from the purest love.
"Marry me, please," he said as he brushed your hair away from your face, trying to wipe away your tears as well."
"No, Osferth...not like this."
"Why not?"
"For many reasons...Uthred will get angry with us, and if you depart married then you can die peacefully and I want you to stress yourself so much that you force yourself to survive long enough to come begging me to marry you..." that made me laugh, though you were quite serious.
"Then let's get married in secret."
"No!"
"Why?" he was beginning to stress. You took a moment to find the words.
"Because I've already hidden for too long how much I love you and this is the only thing I have left to give you! I want Beocca to walk me down the altar and I want Thyra to make me a wreath. I want everyone to see me happy because of you. I don't want there to be any doubt in your mind that I'll be happy because of you. Let there be no doubt in your mind that...as much as you're crazy about me...I'm pretty much in love with you too."
Smiling and thinking, Osferth enjoyed your little jokes that served to tell him the things that really mattered to you. And yes, he agreed, he wished to see Finan and Sihtric drink in honour of your union, and receive the full blessing of the man who had brought you together in the first place, Uthred. He needed everyone to see how beautiful you were and how happy you made him without contingency. He took your hand and caressed it, looking at it with a throbbing thought.
"There is a ceremony...less than a marriage, but it will soothe my conscience, and I hope yours."
In the sunset, on that river where you first kissed, a kind-hearted priest agreed to offer ceremony. Witness Hild, the first to have noticed your pregnancy symptoms and who did not question your actions. You bought a yellowish ribbon, like Osferth's hair, and with thread of a blue that reminded you of his eyes, you wove him a cross that stretched to resemble a sword. He, on the other hand, chose a greenish cloth, like that of the plants that grew in the river, and with white thread he had depicted outstretched wings, like those of an angel. When you exchanged them, Osferth kissed the cross while you caressed the weft of the thread, both of you with your souls full. Then the vows began.
In the handfasting ceremony, one did not join his soul to the other, but promised before the loved one that they intended to remain by eachother side in an uncertain future. Perhaps your child would be born a bastard, but the ceremony, in the eyes of god, and in your own eyes, was a promise of good intentions and love.
"I promise to become a man worthy of you and our family. I promise to try with every breath I have left to return to your side. I promise never to leave you uncertain of how much I want to live with you. I promise to cherish the protection I know you give me."
You were somewhat lost in the trance, and it took the priest to mention your name to get your attention. Osferth's cheek, occupied by his smile, was too pretty to look away.
"I promise...to wait for you calmly, to receive you with the gentleness you deserve. I promise to take care of everything we harvest, and I promise to always, always tell you the truth. I promise to help you whenever you ask. I promise to let you know how much I want to see you every moment of every day."
The priest speech was not that important for the last part in your humble opinion. There were many other things to look at and to listen to. And Osferth's gentle caress on your hand made noise. And your little discomfiture of joy that made you sway in your place was to Baby Monk a lovely dance. Though the kiss was not part of the ceremony, when the man fell silent, your arms leapt to his shoulders and Osferth. With bonds forgotten, you tugged at his hand and both of you hurt each other through inertia.
"Forgive me," he said tenderly.
"Forgiven."
With his loosened hand he was able to grasp your cheek and deposit at last the kiss you had spent the night dreaming of. Hild clapped her hands and withdrew soon after you thanked her for her discretion. And then you didn't quite know where to begin your life with Osferth, though really, it hadn't quite begun. Strolling along the river as the day wore on, leaving others to wonder about your whereabouts, neither you nor Osferth cared about anything beyond what happened on that river.
Your good soon-to-be husband held out a hand for you to walk through the water, and when he saw the beautiful fabric of the skirt you were trying to protect, he picked it up before it got wet. And he followed you carefully as you told him how much you would miss him.
"I will pray day and night for you to come home and meet our child," you told him sorrowfully.
"Don't pray for me, pray that they bring the baby to us healthy and strong...I will pray for that, and for you. And I will ask him, if it is not too much, to let me see both of you in my dreams."
You turned to cling to his rib, and he nuzzled the back of your head as you absorbed his scent.
"Oh, Osferth, please tell me you will never hold a grudge against me for derailing you from your calling as a monk? I can't help but feel guilty."
That revelation hurt him a little, empathising with the woman he loved most in this world and the one who would make him the happiest man in a few months. He lifted your face, stopping the walk, and kissed your eyelids.
"You didn't derail me, you led me. This is the life with which I have been rewarded for so many years of dedication. To be with you is not to forsake God. In fact, I can be nothing but grateful to him. If he sees everything, he will be unable to lose sight of all that I am moved by you."
You had to keep walking to hide the silly redness that filled your face, and Osferth's hand on your belly made you slow your pace. And though you were afraid of a thousand things, that feeling was indescribable. The purest state of happiness.
"I think it's going to be a girl," he said, stroking the fabric against your belly.
"I think it's going to be a boy," you contradicted him mischievously.
"They say that boys make pregnant women beautiful. And I see you looking the same as ever."
You gave him a shove as he laughed, but he didn't see the branch behind him and ended up falling awkwardly as he laughed almost completely. Now you were laughing as Osferth tried not to perjure himself from the cold.
"That's what you get for being an idiot..." you continued your walk, your dress starting to get soaked. Something in her look and half-smile made you suspect a thousand things. "Osferth no..." He stood up slowly. He approached you soaking wet and dripping. "I can't swim and you know it."
"Can't a man give his wife a hug?"
"Give it to your wife when you marry her."
"I can't resist, my lady!"
He pounced, instantly drenching you with his big body and wet clothes. And coldness mingled with laughter as you tried to escape him.
"Osferth! You're going to drop me, and I'm going to get soaked and catch a cold!"
You said it in jest, but something clicked in the Baby monk's head and he let go of you. He then ran to get the cloaks you had brought with you and helped you out of the river. He put yours and his own your shoulder. He helped you dry off and turned a deaf ear to your suggestion that he should dry off too. You gave him a kiss on those lips, and he seemed to calm down instantly.
The sun had already set by the time you returned to the house where your friends awaited you, your feet marking distance, but your eyes following each other's like a light. And perhaps, you were just that, lights on the other side of the room, endlessly tinkling, guiding and simply beautiful.
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Tag list: @slytherincursebreaker
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coveredinsweetpea · 8 months
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A/n: I let the whore out for this one 🤭 and I'm not even ashamed? I wanted to make it more filthy but I decided to not push it 😬 but lemme know if you liked this one!!! I'd love to write more!! Summary: just the story of perv!bouncer!Eddie x dumb!ice-cream vendor!reader and the little white lie he used in order to get you where he wanted you. (KINKY) 4.6k Warnings: so first off, perv!Eddie (he's a bit of a meanie) and dumb!reader, ok? He takes advantage of you, oopsie. Humiliation, degradation, lying and gaslighting, pet names, groping, very strong D/s vibes although not established, spit kink, a hint of dubcon? (only if you squint). Needless to say, 18+!! (also I wrote this in one go don't @ me if it's shitty)
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You shouldn't have worn heels - it was late at night, you were running late and while the rain had stopped, the mud still managed to splash its way up to your ankles. And come to think of it, the skirt hadn’t been that good of an idea either, not for the metal concert you were attending at least, but you were two blocks away and it was too late to turn back now.
Before entering the venue, you stopped at the corner, fixed your hair and your shoes with a napkin you found around your purse, and prayed to the gods that even though the concert should have already started, the bouncer would still be there to give you a ticket and allow you inside.
“Eddie!” you exclaimed relieved. He was just about to stand up from his little booth when you burst inside the building, and his eyes widened when he realized who you were.
While it truly hadn’t been that long since you last saw each other, it surely felt like it. The last time you saw him was at his graduation, one week after you finished junior year. Currently, almost two years had passed since you yourself were done with school.
“Y/n, wow. I haven’t seen you in ages, how are you?”
“Good, good, I’m good” you huffed, getting ready to fish the money for the ticket out of your purse. “You work here?”
“Yeah. I’m a bartender but something came up and our guy had to leave for a bit. I’m just covering for him.”
“Oh, ok. Cool”
“Did you come for the concert? It’s about to start”
“Yeah, mhm. I know I’m a bit late.” you said, picking out the dollars out of your purse one by one. When you decided your bag should be cute and fit your outfit rather than actually be useful, you didn’t imagine you’d have to embarrass yourself like this. “Here’s 7 dollars-” you mumbled handing him the money, “Wait, I have three more, just give me a second”
“Y/n…” Eddie said as he hesitated to take it from you. “It’s 30 dollars.”
“30 what?” you gasped. “I thought it was 10”
“It was 10, until like an hour ago. You should’ve bought it in advance, tickets are always more expensive at the door”
“You must be kidding me” you cried, “I can’t pay 30$ for a concert of a band I barely even heard about”
“Then don’t” Eddie chuckled, “It’s not that big of a deal, it’s only going to last one hour tops”
“Yeah but my friend likes the vocalist. I promised her I’d be there”
“Then pay?”
Instead of going back to explaining why you really didn’t feel like doing that, you straightened your back and grinned. “Eddie…”
“I’m not interested," he laughed in a heartbeat, fully aware of the tactics you might want to try on him.
“Free ice cream for the whole month!” you belted, grabbing his shoulder to help you get your point across. “You know you can’t say no to that”
“I never even bought ice cream from your shop, Y/n, no”
“Two months!”
“Baby girl, buy the ticket or wait for the concert to end. I can’t just let you in”
“Yes, you can” you scoffed, stomping your foot against the floor. “Since when do you care about the rules?”
“Since my job is at stake, sweetheart”
“Who’s gonna know? Right, no one. So pleeeeease, Eddie! Pretty please with a tiny and sweet cherry on top?”
He was thinking about it, it was obvious the wheels were turning. His eyes traveled along the length of your body as he licked his lips, and that gave you hope. But unfortunately, when he looked back up into your eyes, he shook his head, “I’m sorry, I can’t”
“You can” you pouted, “You just don’t want to”
Eddie tapped his chin, “I guess that’s true. There’s nothing in it for me, so…”
“Asshole!” you giggled and hit his side. “Just tell me what you want, you got it”
“Anything I want?”
“Anything!”
“Anything, anything?” Eddie laughed.
“Just say it, you jerk”
But he didn’t really say it. What he did however was lean behind his little desk and then stand back up with a small camera in his hand. With one eyebrow raised, he motioned with his head to one of the small back rooms to the side, and that should’ve been your cue to at least try offering him ice cream again. 
"I can't believe I'm doing this" you nervously giggled as you placed your purse on one of the chairs you found laying around. More things crossed your mind while you took your jacket off but you kept quiet, only turning around to face Eddie when you were left in your tank top and skirt. "This is stupid. I'm being stupid, right?"
"It's just a little bit of fun" he smiled, moving the camera from one hand to the other. "You absolutely don't have to do it if you don't feel comfortable"
"Comfortable getting naked for a stranger to take pictures of me?" you laughed in disbelief.
"Are you?"
His raised eyebrow and the confidence he had made you unconsciously rub your thighs together. "Don't hold this over my head, ok?"
"It's just a few pictures, Y/n, no big deal"
"I know" you pouted and crossed your arms in front of your chest. "But I don't want you to think I'm a slut or something. I don't do stuff like this"
"There's a beginning for everything, sweetheart. What if you end up loving it and want to take more?"
"Yeah, right" you rolled your eyes and felt a very strong urge to look anywhere else but at him. "Ok, how do you want them?"
He thought about it for a second. "Take your top off, we'll see from there"
The little bit of conscious thinking still present inside your mind had a very hard time accepting just how fast your hands worked to remove your shirt. The second that piece of clothing went over your head, your cheeks started burning and a very painful but familiar feeling awakened in your core. Half naked and maybe a little bit confused, you turned to look at Eddie - who was grinning from ear to ear, getting ready to snap the picture. 
"Say cheese!"
You didn't say it, but you did straighten your back, smiled, and even put on a cute pose with your hands beside your cheeks. 
"You've done this before?" Eddie laughed after taking the picture as he waited for it to slip out of the device.
"No, why?"
He quirked an eyebrow. "It's a nice picture"
"Let me see" you said and bubbled over to him, looking at the picture as it exited the camera. "Oh, yeah. You're right! It really is cute"
"Told you, sweetheart" Eddie grinned and grabbed your chin.
You instinctually followed and tilted your head up to look at him, shame spreading across your body as you reveled in his little words of praise. "What next?"
"Bend over that desk over there"
Without as little as a hint of hesitation, you walked over to the desk, planted your chest on top of it and pushed your skirt up over your ass. 
"See why I'd think you've done this before?" he laughed and slapped your ass. "I didn't even tell you to lift your skirt"
"You were about to anyway, I'm just ahead of you"
"Such a good, little girl" 
As much as you hated to admit, the way he groped your ass, and his fingers - rough and digging into your skin, it all made you squirm under his touch. You remained motionless and sat there quietly, only your feet wobbling a bit from the uncomfortable position as you allowed him to do his thing. "Can I take these off?" Eddie asked, his pointer finger already hooked behind the little piece of fabric that covered your cunt. 
"Yeah, mhm" you nodded eagerly. "Do what you want"
Maybe you shouldn't have said that. But a part of you forgot about the concert and was too focused on Eddie's touch, on his presence behind you, the fact that you couldn't see him making all your senses go off the rails. 
But a deal was a deal and Eddie wasn't about to break it… that much. After pushing your underwear to the side, the cold air hit your already heated and sensitive core. "Can I see how wet you are, doll?"
You nodded. 
And his finger slipped right in, knuckle deep, his big, silver ring barely visible between your damp, puffy folds. 
"How about two?"
"...ok"
"Three? Can you take three?" Eddie asked, slipping his fingers inside without wasting time to hear your answer. 
A soft moan broke past your lips and your back arched the way he was filling you up, little tears of pleasure gathering at the corners of your eyes. "Eddie" you cried.
"Yeah, puppy?" 
But only a grunt escaped your throat as you let your forehead fall against the desk. 
When he didn't get an answer from you, he just chuckled and the next thing you heard was the sound of the camera going off. 
"Cute" Eddie said, retracting his hand from your pussy. 
The sudden feeling of emptiness made you whine, "That's all?"
"What? Did you want more?"
"I- I thought-" you mumbled, turning around to face him, "I thought you were gonna, I don't know…"
"Do you want me to, doll?"
The way the words almost slipped out of your mouth was pathetic. But you managed to control yourself, and just pushed yourself up and shook your head. "No" you lied. And he could tell. 
"You sure, kitten?"
"Yeah, no. Just take the next pic"
"Ok, last one, sweetheart. Can you get on your knees for me?"
Still visibly disappointed with how he left you hanging, you wordlessly kneeled in front of him. Your hands flew up to grip his thighs and your head fell back, your eyes on his. "Like this?"
"Exactly like that, puppy. You're so good, you know that?" Eddie said, nonchalantly licking your juices off his fingers. "And you taste so sweet, baby"
"Thank you" you weakly smiled as he caressed your cheek. "What, um… what do I do now?"
"Open wide for me, just like that. Can you stay like this for a bit?" Eddie commanded. 
All you could do was nod and follow him with your stare, your heart nearly beating out of your chest when he lowered himself in front of you and grabbed your chin. 
"Do you like this?" 
Yes. No. Fuck, you squeezed your eyes shut for a second then then, much to his absolute pleasure, nodded yes. 
The sheer embarrassment you felt from not being able to answer him as your mouth hung open made the pressure between your legs grow even more unbearable. You wanted him to do something, anything, touch, or at least talk to you, but he just left you there, hanging pathetically and waiting. 
"How about this for the last picture?" Eddie questioned and then shoved his fingers into your mouth. Ring deep and with no warning, he forced your jaw open as he pushed his fingers as far as they could go, making your eyes snap wide open in shock. 
"Easy, sweetheart. Stay still for me, ok? Don't fight it"
But it was impossible, with your airway partially blocked and your gag reflex threatening to act up, your hands found his wrist and squeezed as all you could do was look up into his eyes. 
"Do you like being like this, angel? All good and dumb for me?" 
Your answer came in the form of a blink, your eyebrows also arching upwards, before a cough broke in the back of your throat.
"Easy, doll. Slow down, stop fighting it. Relax, you can do it, you can do it, baby" but he was not helping you, instead pushing down harder onto your tongue, making your eyes water from the lack of oxygen. 
But still, you didn't try to fight him, to pry his hand away or to even distance yourself. You just stood there, choking on his fingers, painfully awaiting the moment he'd figure you'd had enough. 
While he didn't let you off easily, when your throat constricted around his fingers again, he finally retracted his hand. Drunk on the so dearly needed breath of fresh air that rushed down your throat, you fell forward, your cheek against his thigh as you struggled to regain your composure. 
"So good for me, puppy. You listen so well" Eddie cooed, brushing your hair as you refused to pull away from your leg. 
"Eddie…" you pouted, "You didn't take the picture"
"That's ok, doll. How are you? Are you good?"
Still unwilling to move, you nodded against his leg. "Yep"
"What do you want to do next, sweetheart? You can choose for the last picture"
"I don't wanna choose" you shook your head, "Just tell me what to do"
"Is there nothing you want, angel? Not even one thing that crossed that pretty, little head of yours?"
"No"
"Then open up for me again, sweetheart" 
Lazily, you shuffled to the side and settled back into your position on your knees in front of him. This time, he only pried your mouth open a little bit, much for the aesthetic of it all, his fingers on your tongue and his heavy rings against your bottom lip. 
When he brought the camera up, you looked directly into the lens, eyes wide and soft, as you were all but drooling. The way you squirmed once you heard the click of the camera was probably pathetic, but he enjoyed it and you wanted more.
"That's enough" Eddie said, placing the device to the side and squatting down in front of you. "Can you swallow for me?"
You blinked in confusion but burned with enthusiasm, almost moaning out loud when you saw him tower over you and spit down onto your awaiting tongue. 
You didn't question it, didn't even flinch, you just closed your mouth and swallowed as he told you. 
Once done, Eddie helped you up and waited for you to change. Back out at his little security desk, you waited patiently for him to put the yellow bracelet around your wrist. "Thank you"
"Pleasure doing business with you, doll"
Despite rolling your eyes, you couldn't also hide the way your lips curled at the little pet name, suddenly getting to you in a way half an hour ago you couldn't have even imagined. 
"Come with me to the bar, I'll fix you something to drink. On the house" 
"Where was this generosity before?" you teased and stepped inside as he held the door open for you. 
"Don't push it," he playfully threatened. Once inside, Eddie grabbed your hand and guided you back behind the bar. "What do you want to drink, sweetheart?"
You knew what you wanted, but the annoyed looks of the people impatiently waiting their turn distracted you. Eddie noticed it in a heartbeat, the distress in your eyes saying it all. 
"Fuck them" he scoffed, raising his middle finger in their direction as he shielded you with his body. "Just tell me what you feel like drinking"
"Um, a screwdriver, please"
"Coming right up" he said and got to work, only to have you follow him closely like a lost puppy. Too many pairs of judgemental eyes still followed your every move, and without Eddie's attention on you, they felt even more intrusive than before. 
"Eddie, I want to pay for it" you said as you opened your purse, "I feel bad"
"I'm not taking your money, Y/n"
"They're looking at me as if I've committed a crime. I'm not going out there with my free drink that I didn't even have to wait for. Just take my money, Eddie, please!"
That sounded like it pissed him off. Not you, though. They did. You sounded genuinely worried, and he didn't like that. After he finished making your drink, Eddie placed it in front of you and then turned to face the customers. "Before you all get your panties in a bunch, she didn't cut to the front, you're waiting to get served by my colleague, I haven't even started my shift. And even if she had cut in front of you, that would've been fine too, because I said so. If any of you even looks at her the wrong way, you're getting kicked out and banned. Thank you!"
Despite his rant having done its job perfectly since no one dared comment or even keep staring, you barely found it in you to look at him. "Eddie… you didn't have to do that"
"If anyone bothers you, come find me" he said, as if he hadn't even heard you. He just grabbed your glass and placed it between your hands, "Go enjoy the concert, sweetheart"
"Thank you" you meekly said.
"No problem, doll" he grinned and slapped your ass as you turned to walk away. 
Luckily enough with the soundcheck and stage preparations, you managed to find your friends before the second song even started. 
While the music wasn't necessarily your favorite, you still danced your soul out and used the little breaks between songs to listen to your friend vent and fangirl over the vocalist. Tall, long hair and a leather jacket - another thing whose appeal you didn't think you'd see any time soon. 
But the whole thing turned out to be a blast, no one interrupting your dancing sessions and by the time the concert was over, you were all spent, barely able to maintain your balance on your aching feet. 
After collapsing in the nearest booth you found available, one friend who made the happiest choice of the night regarding the shoes and chose a pair of sneakers, sacrificed herself and made her way to the bar while you all waited for her at the table. 
Mostly, the conversation circled around everyone's surprise with how enjoyable the concert actually was. A few other topics had been touched, such as whether they'd party at this bar or not, or if any of the members were single, but when the subject of the price rolled around, you felt personally attacked. 
Without explaining, you excused yourself from the table and stomped your way to the bar, walking behind it like the place belonged to you.
"Eddie, I need to talk to you"
"Not now, sweetheart. I'm a bit busy" he hurriedly spoke, unable to even look at you as he balanced 7 shot glasses between his hands. 
"Now, Eddie!"
"It's gonna have to wait, have a seat" he huffed and dragged a stool over to his side of the bar. "Wait" 
The only thing that kept you from making a scene right then and there was the number of people that were waiting for their drinks. And while you would've very gladly given Eddie a hard time, those people had nothing wrong. So, with a pout and a frown on your face, you sat down and proceeded to wait. 
"What's wrong? Can you tell me what happened?" Eddie eventually said in between orders, still visibly busy and not giving you all the attention you required.
"No" you crossed your arms, "Not like this"
"Did something happen?" he questioned, sounding genuinely worried. He threw the towel in his hand over his shoulder and leaned closer, softly touching your thigh as he spoke. "Tell me if-"
"I'll hit you" you snapped and shoved him. "Take a break"
And that was what he did. As soon as he got a little window of time, he asked his colleague to cover for him and then guided you out from behind the bar, and over to a more secluded corner.
"Ok, what happ-"
"Asshole!" you slapped his cheek - as hard as you could but nowhere near hard enough to do any real damage. "Fuck you!"
"Whoa!" Eddie gasped as he recoiled from the blow, instantly grabbing your wrist to stop you from delivering another blow. "What the hell happened?"
"30 dollars!? You lied to me!"
"Oh, that…"
"Yes! That! You're a fucking asshole!"
"Hey, now. Don't go there" Eddie calmly said, arms going up in a defensive position despite still holding onto your hand. "It was just a bit of fun. You had fun too, didn't you?"
"That's not the point"
"You didn't deny it!"
"Asshole!" you snapped again, this time using your free hand to hit his side. But he grabbed onto this wrist too, pulling you closer to him despite your protests. "Eddie, let me go!"
"No, you're gonna hit me again"
"Yes, I am. You lied to me"
"Ok, I lied" he raised his shoulders and rolled his eyes, "So what? We both had some fun, and you got in for free and also got a free drink. I think it's fair"
"No, it's not fair!" you tried to free yourself but his grip was iron strong. "It's not fair because it wasn't 30 dollars, you lied!"
"It was still 10 dollars, which you didn't have to pay, now did you?"
"I would've paid 10 dollars!"
"But you didn't. I saved you some money. I think you should just thank me, doll" 
"You're unbelievable" you scoffed, turning your head to the side so that you wouldn't have to look at him. 
Eddie however, had a different idea. As he let your wrists go, he cupped your cheeks into his hands so that you'd face him. Despite the annoyed look on your face, your hands traveled up to his sides, grabbing onto his leather jacket as he held you close. 
"Come on, you can't really be upset with me right now, sweetheart."
"Well, I am," you frowned. 
"I'm sorry, dove. It wasn't my intention. I never meant to upset you"
"You wouldn't have lied if you didn't want to upset me"
"I didn't think you'd find out" he chuckled, which deepened your frown. "Hey, look at me" 
"No" you pouted and turned your head to the side, making Eddie have to lean from left to right multiple times in order to meet your eyes.
"Angel, look at me, come on"
"No, Eddie, leave me alone!" you protested, but the smile was audible in your tone. He knew he got to you. 
"Hey, come on. Look at you, all smiling"
"I'm not smiling!" you said, trying to sound serious, but eventually giggled when you finally looked at him.
"There you go! That's my girl!" Eddie laughed and brought you closer, "You forgive me, doll, right?" he asked, lightly rubbing your chin with his thumb.
"No"
"You're a bad liar, sweetheart. I think you didn't even mind in the first place, did you?"
"I did!"
"Then why were you so wet for me, huh?" he grinned.
"I'm mad you lied to me" you sighed, not showing any signs of wanting to distance yourself from him anymore. "You didn't have to do that"
"How was I supposed to know you'd say yes?"
"You should've asked!"
"I'm sorry, baby. I really am" he said softly and then nudged your forehead with his. "Kiss me to make it better?"
"I don't want to kiss you, Eddie, I'm still upset"
"No, you're not" he laughed and leaned in, his lips brushing against yours a couple of times until you couldn't help it anymore. 
"You're an asshole, you know that?" you shook your head in disbelief, unable to contain your nervous laughter. But despite your words, you were still pressed against him, your hands on his waist and your lips inches away from his. 
"I'm fun, sweetheart. Just kiss me"
"Ok, but you're not going to lie to me again!"
"Never!" he swore, all wide eyed and not at all grinning as he did so. 
But you didn't pay too much attention. That promise, however empty, was enough for you to feel completely content with going in for a full kiss. He welcomed you fully, one of his hands finding your ass in no time, squeezing hard enough to bruise. But it only riled you up further as you clung onto him, breathing him in with every single brush of your tongue against his. 
"Ah! My lipstick!" you whined as you pulled away for air. 
"It looks alright, it didn't smudge, don't worry" Eddie smiled, looking at you in awe as you tried to make sure your lipstick didn't get all over your face. 
"The girls said it's blowjob proof, I guess they were right" you giggled when you saw no color transferred to Eddie's lips or your fingers. "That's 5 dollars well spent" 
"See?" Eddie grabbed your ass as he proudly spoke, "And now, thanks to me, you can get two more. I can even help you try them all out. Multiple times, see if they really are blowjob proof."
"How nice of you" you mocked.
"I know, right?" Eddie chuckled and then kissed your temple. "I have to go back to work now, though. You can hang out with me, if you want"
You were about to follow him, but right before he reached the bar, you tugged his sleeve. "Eddie? Can I ask for a favor?"
He blinked in curiosity. "Sure, sweetheart. What is it?"
"You know I told you I have this friend who likes-"
"Who likes the vocalist, yes, I remember"
"Yeah, well… I was wondering if you could introduce them?"
"Yeah, doll. No problem" Eddie said and looked around, "I think they're still in the back, come with me"
And you did. You followed him wordlessly and reveled in the privilege of walking through the "employees only" door. The dark and sticky corridor Eddie dragged you through had absolutely no reason to make you feel as important as it did, but you loved it. And once outside, in the parking lot you yourself had crossed earlier on your way to the concert, as you and Eddie approached the band's van, you still managed to feel important, as if there was business to attend to.
Even talking to the band you couldn't care less about felt empowering, especially the way each member went to shake your hand as Eddie did the introductions. But despite all of them being nothing but a happy and laid back bunch, you still felt the need to cower behind Eddie as he conversed with the vocalist.
Even though they were all heading inside for some well deserved post concert drinks, Eddie made sure to mention the one fan the man absolutely had to meet. 
"This one?" the vocalist, whose name you found out to be Joe, or Joey, asked, pointing at you.
Your eyes went wide, but Eddie only chuckled. "No, she's with me. It's one of her friends, though. She's inside" 
While the band still had a few minutes worth of organizing to do, you and Eddie headed back towards the bar. 
"I'm with you?" you giggled, almost feeling the need to cover your mouth at how giddy his words made you. 
"Aren't you?" Eddie laughed.
"I guess I am" you smiled and resumed your spot on the chair he had brought for you earlier. "Can I help you with stuff? Or is that allowed? I don't know"
"Everything's allowed, sweetheart, but don't worry. Enjoy yourself, I don't need any help. Sit there and be pretty for me"
"I can do that" you wiggled your legs in the air. "And thank you for speaking to Joey. She's gonna be so happy, I'm never going to hear the end of it"
After sending you a knowing smile, Eddie put his arm around your shoulders and kissed your forehead, "Anything for you, sweetheart"
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papercranesandpride · 2 months
Text
Can we talk about The Giver by Lois Lowry from the perspective of a loveless person?
I'm going to start with a passage that runs through my head all the time when I think about my lovelessness, because it resonates with me in pretty much the exact opposite way that it's supposed to.
"Do you love me?" There was an awkward silence for a moment. Then Father gave a little chuckle. "Jonas. You, of all people. Precision of language, please!" "What do you mean?" Jonas asked. Amusement was not at all what he had anticipated. "Your father means that you used a very generalized word, so meaningless that it's become almost obsolete," his mother explained carefully. Jonas stared at them. Meaningless? He had never before felt anything as meaningful as the memory. "And of course our community can't function smoothly if people don't use precise language. You could ask, 'Do you enjoy me?' The answer is 'Yes,'" his mother said. "Or," his father suggested, "'Do you take pride in my accomplishments?' And the answer is wholeheartedly 'Yes.'" "Do you understand why it's inappropriate to use a word like 'love'?" Mother asked. Jonas nodded. "Yes, thank you, I do," he replied slowly. It was his first lie to his parents
I agree with Jonas' parents here. You aren't supposed to agree with them, because they're expression the views of the average person in this dystopian society where love has been eliminated. You're supposed to think "wow, this is a really fucked up society if parents don't love their children." More importantly, you're supposed to think "wow, this is a really fucked up society if no one feels love at all." But I agree with them. "I enjoy you" is a vastly more correct and useful thing for me to say. I do wish people used more precise language instead of the term that's been diluted to meaninglessness. I would love a world where we say things like "I'm happier when I talk to you" or "it's cool to be able to say I know someone so talented" instead of "I love you." That's exactly what I'd like.
I just... As someone who grew up to be loveless, it scares me how much I loved this book as a kid. I grew up to be the kind of person this book views as missing an essential part of the human experience. Lois Lowry thinks that being like me is dystopic. It's not fun to realize that about a book I read over and over, and then read again in school as the first book I really, properly analyzed for English class. Some fundamental part of me was formed when I wrote my first very angsty fanfiction about it for a school project. And this book looks at me with revulsion.
Lois Lowry is just wrong. I used to feel love and then stopped feeling it (and I need to post about that sometime, because all the loveless people I see talk about never having felt love and so I want to voice my own experience). I don't think I'm missing out. I have no desire to get it back. To be clear, I don't think I'm better off without it, either. It's a neutral thing. Some people feel it, some people don't feel it, and neither group is worse off. I wasn't any happier with it than I am without it.
I don't really have a point, except just that it sucks that the whole origin point of the teen dystopia craze that formed all of YA during my peak YA-reading years sees lovelessness as bad. But you know. Of course it does. So does the rest of the culture.
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azulsluver · 1 month
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Hi!!! So I noticed that your requests are open, and I'd like to make a request, if you don't mind of course. But first of all, I just wanted to say that I really, REALLY love your writing, especially the hauntedhouseau!twst and bullyau!twst. I THRIVE from the feelings of hurt, angst and despair. Like, call me emotional or sensitive, but one time I literally cried for the reader (and grim, 'cause the grim ask also made me shed a few tears), because I can't help but feel sorry for them for being so helpless in their situation, but at the same time I liked the feeling of sadness and hurt in my chest(???). It really left a good impression on me, so much that your writing would randomly pop up in my head for weeks, for no reason at all.
Sorry, I rambled a bit back there didn't I? I was planning on writing more about the reasons why I fell in love with your writing, but I don't want to make this ask longer than it was supposed to be. I wanted to ask you multiple requests too, but I also don't want to burden you by asking too much, so I'm just gonna ask one that's been on my mind the most. Could I please ask for more about Bullyau!Ruggie? His relationship with the reader in the AU have caught my eye the most. That's all, thank you for all of your efforts in writing fics for us! We greatly appreciate it!
This is so cute no words can express how happy this made me 😭
I try my best to please both, also this was more of me giving a story than headcanons.
Back to your request-
tw. yandere, bullying, dubcon kissing/touching, mentions of suicide and starvation, graphic violence, being sold off at one point.
cw. bathing scene but gentiles are not described.
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He gave you a sandwich.
Mayo and egg mashed up with a single crisp of a lettuce. It dangles in front of you, staring at it with a gulp. Ruggie's head turns to give you a look, noticing how you hadn't reached for the damn thing. His face frowns, making you flinch that you had upset him in some way. He sighs, propping himself down next to you.
Your body screams in pain, blitz of cuts run down your legs and nose. Barely managing to avoid Floyd. Alarmed, his sudden movements has you backing slightly to the wall before he grabbed your hands and roughly placed the egg sandwich between them.
"I couldn't find you in your dorm, Leona told me to feed you something since you've been going on a hunger strike."
Ruggie sounded disappointed. And that made you hallow at some point. Because he's taken the role of caring for you, unwanted yet needed. You'd hate to admit it, but seeing Ruggie makes you a little bit happier.
The mention of starvation has you eyeing the cold sandwich, you weren't allowed to eat. You're not sure if you told yourself that or someone else did, it felt wrong but his glare has you shakily bringing it close to your mouth.
You have started to doze off, eating mindlessly as he dabs your face with a wet cloth to clean the blood oozing from your nose. Hearing him whisper to himself whilst wiping the egg crumbs on your lips. Finishing, you shyly glance up at him, having the urge to tell him you feel like throwing it up. But you don't want to get slapped across the head for such a childish threat, swallowing whenever your throat tightens. Instead, like you were taught, you watch him disinfect your wounds and lastly bandage them.
He gets up, patting his pants down. You bring your knees closer to your chest as he stretches with a bored yawn, telling you to go and hide near Savanaclaw territory as Leona is in a good mood.
He won't hurt you as bad as he did.
You know it was a lie. Yet you nod, lips turning into a frown as he leaves you.
-
You laid on your back and gazed upon the stars.
Petting Grim who failed to stay up to protect you as he claimed; laying next to your side. Ruggie not too far. With his hands supporting his head and mimicking you. For some reason it's never pitch black at night as it was in your world, there are swirls of purple and blue with stars shining twice as bright.
Breathing softly as the cool air envelops your skin, eyes closed tightly as you lay a hand over your bruised neck. There’s still an adrenaline rush pumping in your lungs, Ruggie’s presence not helping the situation.
“Do you think of killing yourself one day, [Name]?”
Normally, the question would have you stuttering an answer. Yet there wasn’t a reason to lie.
“Sometimes.”
Hoarse. Slowly opening your eyes and turning your head to the side to look at him. He’s thinking the same, propping himself on his side with his hand supporting his cheek this time.
“Yea? What’s stopping you?”
Your nails dig into your palm and a sudden rush of tears swell. Was it the thought of leaving Grim on his own? Or perhaps the fear of where your soul may go and be stuck for eternity with the ghosts? Whatever the cause, you certainly don’t wish to die. And that makes you hysterical.
“I don’t know.”
Covering your face out of embarrassment, too many times have they made you purposefully cry: however it brings you red to even show such vulnerability.
Ruggie blinks at you before sighing deeply to himself. He brings his face closer to yours to lick at your tears, murmuring how you’ve already cried so much today. It’ll make you dehydrated if you keep it up. It’s comforting in a way, like a mother licking her kitten clean with his rough textured tongue.
His body moves on its own with hovering over you, watching you idly as you suck in a breath to control your whimpers and sniffles. He looks angry. Not at you. It can’t be you, you haven’t done anything. If it wasn’t you, then you can fear what the real problem was, that he was conflicted of himself. But the thought wasn’t strong enough for him to detain.
To engulf you by surprise and steal a kiss. More than once, twice, until you give in.
-
Only four people have seen you bare and soaked in water.
Trey being the first, scrubbing off the dirt and grimes on your skin after Ace and Deuce took you out.
Azul leaving you in his large tub to hide you away from the twins, remembering the annoyed expression he wore as he patted you down with a towel.
Lilia having the honors of a small lecture as he heals you from the cuts given by Sebek, the water was always cold.
And Ruggie, stars, you’d suffocate yourself in this very tub to let him care for you. The memories of being held down as money was thrown at him. How you groveled and beg for him to not let them take you. You shouldn’t expect so much from him, your attachment looking dull as he picks up the fallen goods without looking your way.
All means well. When you’re crawling back to him, scared and in need of help. You still find yourself in a humiliating situation, one you barely plan on changing.
It felt good at least. Drawn a hot bath, almost boiling your skin. His nails are insanely sharp as they dance over the open wounds near your chest. With half lidded eyes, you ponder to yourself as he stitched up the wound with a needle and thread.
His hands were similar to theirs, roughing you by the hair and clumsily carving into your flesh. Comparing it to Ruggie’s was an understatement, he hadn’t touched you like them. Sure he was tough on you and maybe left a mark once in a while.
But his touch was something you’d rather have than what they gave you. So you relax even when the pain eats at your nerve system. Shaking limbs rippling the water.
Comfort is a false statement. But you can always dream.
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bluewhitehues · 3 months
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Hug | Kim Mingyu
Summary: You secretly like your bestfriend chan,he has no idea and sets you up on a blind date with his friend and hyung Mingyu.
Genre: Angst? (Little bit), comfort, strangers to lovers, fluff
Pairing : Idol Kim Mingyu × (f) reader
Part 4
It was Sunday. The boys have their practice today that means mingyu and chan are going to meet. As soon as Mingyu goes to the practice room he spots chan but chan tries to avoid him lingering by seokmins side.
"YOU you fuvker come here right now-"
Mingyu tries to grab him while Chan's shoving a confused seokmin in between them he's asking what's this about ,what happened.
"This bastard told me he'd set me up on a date with y/n, turns out he told her it's a blind date instead of telling her it's a date with me"
"Ah hyuuung.. come on I tried my best for you two I had no other way i thought this would be the best option" chan whined
"Yah dino-ya that isn't nice, think about how he must've felt he was so excited to go" Seokmin scolds chan.
"Exactly my point ...what best option chan, did you even think about me? I thought she agreed on a date because she likes me as well ..did you think my feelings were a joke? Or am I that desperate that you'd have to lie to her for a date ? If I had known I'd find some other way to do it myself do you think I couldn't ask her myself? " Mingyu asks.. there's hurt clear in his eyes.
Chan feels terrible now his voice gets small when he speaks ,"hyung I'm so sorry...I should have thought about you more I didn't think that far, trust me I just wanted you two to get along and may be like each other cause you both are so precious to me and you both are one of the most amazing people I know ...I swear I just thought about your happiness."
Mingyu sighs," you shouldn't have done that but it's ok I forgive you."
He can't stay mad at his little brother for long anyway.
Chan hugs him suddenly, he really does feel very bad, "I'm sorry again hyungg you know I love you right?"
Mingyu pats his back while rolling his eyes, but he's smiling, "yeah yeah I love you too but never pull such stunts again."
Meanwhile there's jeonghan, hoshi and basically all the boys staring at them, they heard everything obviously.
"so you went on a date? That too with y/n ? And you didn't tell us?" Seungkwan speaks for everyone while they are nodding along with him waiting for mingyu to answer.
"It was a first date I didn't know what will happen ofcourse I was going to tell you all if it all worked out-" chan cuts him off, talking with his eyes widened, "wait a minute..it didn't go well?"
"I didn't say that."
"Then? " Chan asks again.
"I mean uh she was pretty shocked ..she didn't think it'd be me , so I didn't want to make her anymore uncomfortable, so we just talked normally, we went out for a walk then I dropped her off ."
"THAT'S IT??" Chan asked his eyes comically wide.
"uh yeah like I didn't want to burden her so I said we can be friends."
At this, they all collectively facepalm themselves.
"Seriously mingyu??? FRIENDS???" hoshi says looking at mingyu like he's ridiculous.
Jeonghan also steps in, "yeah like it was a date right? no romantic lovey dovey thing happened? Instead of asking her for another date you asked her to be friends?"
"You didn't even try to flirt with her or something? " Says Seungcheol.
"I did all this for nothing then" chan says in disbelief.
Mingyu closes his eyes, rubbing his hand on his forehead frustratingly at their questions. "Can you all just drop it please? I'll manage by myself thank you."
"yeah just lets get back to practice." Wonwoo says rubbing mingyu's back comfortingly.
Then they go on with their day.
And you, You're enjoying your weekend resting at home. When you get Chan's text.
Dinosaur 🦖: So you frienzoned mingyu hyung??
You: WHAT??? He said that??
You're confused Mingyu wouldn't do that, would he?
Dinosaur 🦖: No he said you were shocked,he didn't want to make you uncomfortable so he suggested you can be just friends.
Dinosaur 🦖: But hello I'm disappointed?? I even planned your wedding in my head and what did you do? You frienzoned each other 🤐🤐👏🏻👏🏻just great
You: woah woah no one told you to get that excited buddy and definitely not on a date which you planned by lying
Dinosaur 🦖: Pleaseee I said I'm sorry and don't make me feel more guilty I was already about to cry if mingyu hyung didn't forgive me...I don't think I can ever trouble him again even jokingly
You: was it that bad? Is he ok?
You can't help but feel bad thinking about him.
Dinosaur 🦖: well it's all my fault.. but girl atleast now you take some effort 🙄 I've found you such a great match and you're gonna keep him as your friend??
Dinosaur 🦖: God y/n even god wouldn't forgive such a thing.. I hate to say it but girls would die to be at your place right now.. GAME UPPPP I will even give you tips on how to flirt if you want
You roll your eyes at that.
You: Oh please I'm great at flirting you're the last person I'd take help from, you've done enough just go and focus on your practice for now..byeee
Dinosaur 🦖: BYE🙄🤐
Your thoughts take you to Mingyu again, "he must be hurt", "should I talk to him?", "what if he thinks I'm pitying him."
Your train of thoughts get interrupted by another ping of your phone , you pick it up to see mingyu's name on it.
On the other hand, Mingyu promises himself that he won't be sad anymore cause what is there to be sad about right? He's always the one who thinks about the brighter side of the situation, everyone says he's just too positive and hopeful even in the worst situations but Mingyu takes pride in that .. cause not many people have it, it takes a lot to be that positive,that courageous, that happy. So he's just gonna be himself.
Cause before yesterday, First- he didn't have your number, Second-you weren't on talking basis/you had zero connection, Three- He didn't have you even as a friend.. so for him it's win is a win kind of situation.
You read his text.
Mingyu : Heyy ..so chan asked me something about your purse??
You: oh shitt I forgot to tell you ..I lied about that to get your number from him 🫢
Mingyu: well don't worry I covered for you, you owe me something now👀 ..also should've asked me for my number directly, I'm more than willing to give it to you.
ONE THING ABOUT MINGYU IS HE WILL FLIRT, and your heart will suffer . Well in his defence he said you will be friends...there was no part where he mentioned he won't flirt or he won't try to woo you. So it seems you just gotta prepare yourself.
You huff at his reply, you started talking to him just from yesterday but you already got to know that this boy was a flirt ..a smooth one at that.
And were you feeling giddy, were you blushing? Well may be
You: Oh I'd have definately..asked it by myself. But you see it was an eventful day so kind of forgot to ask ...also yes I do owe you a big one, for yesterday as well ..tell me what I can do ? How about a meal?
Mingyu: Wouldn't that be a date?
You: it'd be whatever we will treat it as ..we said we'd be friends so it'll be us trying to build our friendship may be? Come on friends go to eat together all the time
Mingyu: Fair enough then, when will we go ?
You: Um I've work from tomorrow i'd be only free at dinner time 😕 is next week ok? If yes let me know when you're available
Mingyu: oh that's sad:( .. okay will go next week I'll let you know the time.
You: okayy cool ..see you then :)
Mingyu: Yes take care :))
You don't know but he's smiling at his phone right now, just as you are :)
In evening you meet chan he had promised you a meal so he's here at your apartment with lots of take out food and cake and muffins.
His practice was almost a day long so you had told him to just go home and take rest you'll plan to meet some another time . But he improvised the plan and came here.
You take all the food from him happily smiling looking at it..."Woahh you brought so much food"
He gives a toothy grin to you, "well I know you, I knew it'd keep you occupied "
You instantly stopped smiling and blinked at him ,"oh damn you almost had me distracted" you blink at him again.
He knows something is going to happen now, he is on alert..Then you're placing all the food down on the table, going to the couch grabbing a pillow andddddd he is running then, you run behind him.
"You asshole I promised myself i'd beat you up stop right there you bratttt"
He's screaming when you reach him and hit him with the pillow, "Ahhhhh this feels like some deja vu" he's running again and then going behind couch, giving those puppy eyes ..."I'm hungry" blink blink "I'm so tired and I was dancing the whole day, I'm so exhausted already and you're not even letting me eat I said sorry now stopp"
Your mouth hangs open at his antics..you huff..."Should learn emotional blackmailing from you ,go and wash your hands I'll get the plates"
He gives you a big big bright smile and runs to give you a quick hug before going to wash his hands.
You smile at him shaking your head.
You guys eat your food while talking.
He keeps asking about the date, so you tell him that it kinda got ruined because you were nervous so to make it up to Mingyu you decide to take him out for a meal .. he's teasing you about how it's a date when you keep denying it isn't.
"I don't know about you but on our planet here we humans call it a date" he says smugly.
You roll your eyes at him "whatever chan it's a friendly date then."
He shakes his head at you, saying you're impossible.
"Btw do you remember yunjin?"
"yeah the girl you're currently seeing ?"
"Yeah her...I think it's going to work out for me this time." He's smiling softly at his plate like he's thinking about her..."She's nice".
"woah woah look at you all blushing Lee chan"
He laughs," I just- I really hope it works out this time .. I've always wanted a serious relationship and this time it seems like it'd work ...I'm serious and I feel she is too." He says while smiling looking at you.
And honestly you want that for him as well.Cause he looks so happy just talking about her so sincerely. Whatever you thought about him you were never that childish to be jealous and think I wish I was the girl. No , you can't force someone's feelings. If he feels that for someone you'd always root for him. You always pray for your close people's happiness and he's one of them so why wouldn't you want that.
You coo at him.."Aww, I'm really rooting for you Chan you deserve it you deserve every happiness in this world."
He smiles at you, "thank you y/n, I'm also rooting for you" and then he dramatically winks at you. You know exactly what he's saying so you groan and threaten him to stab him with the fork if he doesn't shut up. He laughs at you.
Part 5
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A/n:Hey lovely readers, this is it for today hope you enjoy it💗
Also the female reader isn't someone too deeply hurt or too deeply in love (about chan) she is not the jealous type, she has made her peace with everything so you won't see her feeling all these emotions deeply.
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I put up a little survey but no one answered it. How dare you all go on living your lives when I'm posting important things like whether or not I should post this all at once or break it up. So, this is YOUR fault it's been released as a whole ;).
A/N ::: NOT EVEN GONNA FUCKING LIE this was about 15 pages on Google Docs. BUT IN MY DEFENSE I have been working on this for 3 days. And if I'd been left alone like I wanted to be, I'd have not carried on and on like this. So, blame everyone around me that insists on interrupting me while I'm tryin' to write this story that wasn't supposed to be this damn long. ANY-DAMN-WAY. I hope someone out there reads this, despite it being the size of a damn Steinbeck piece of lit.
Disclaimer ::: This is NOT literature.
Seriously, please ... someone enjoy this.
C/W ::: Chifuyu x F.reader x Baji, cheating, sneaking around and sex.
WC ::: 4,765 (I'M SO SORRY. FR THIS TIME)
MDNI under the cut please and thank you.
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When Chifuyu introduced you to the man he looked up to - his mentor - his hero, you didn't really think much of it at first. It didn't register how he stopped breathing when he shook your hand and said hello. How his eyes blew out, fully black. Lacking the subtlety of a man who wasn't your lover.
You weren't anything special. At least, you didn't think you were. Chifuyu introduced you as "the most pretty girl he's ever laid eyes on" and Baji couldn't deny that was the loudest truth he's ever heard. He'd never been so jealous of anyone as he is right now. But what could he do about it? Take you away from the man who was like a little brother to him?
He didn't want to. But he couldn't help how he felt when he was around you. He couldn't help how his mouth went dry when you said "Hi, Baj'! How are you today? Lovin' the hair as usual!" And you would wink at him thinking you looked like a total dork and then you'd skitter off to find Chifuyu.
It was easy to fall for you. Especially when you were so sweet, always asking how his day was, making him laugh, smiling that pretty smile at him. His heart was yours. But he knew yours belonged to Chifuyu. And it was getting to a point where he had trouble being around you two at the same time. He wasn't angry or anything. But his heart hurt.
It'd beat out of his chest whenever you'd sit down next to him on the couch or in the back seat of the car. He started to not come around as much.
And one day, you went over there to find Chifuyu because Mikey said that he was at Baji's place and it'd be fine if you popped over to get him.
So, you did just that. Except Chifuyu wasn't there. It was just Keisuke. And he was sitting on his bed with a book in his hand and a sad look in his eyes. 
He seemed surprised to see you when you approached his room. 
"Hey, Baj'," you said softly, "I'm sorry for coming over without calling first but I don't have your number." You leaned against his doorway with your hand on your hip. Smiling that goddamn smile of yours at him like you have absolutely no idea how he feels.
He shook his head. "It's okay. Chifuyu isn't here so if you were looking for him … you’re outta luck."
"Oh. Do you know where he is?"
"Nope. I don't think he's coming back here anytime soon either."
"Ah," you said, "so we're both out of luck."
Baji swallowed hard. "Yeah, ok. Well, bye, I guess. It was nice seeing you."
You smiled again. "Oh! O-ok, Baj'. Maybe I'll ... see you … I’ll see you ‘round."
He only had the strength to say "yeah, maybe" as you walked out of his room and out of his place. Because if he opened his mouth the only words that were going to come out were "I love you, y/n. Please give me a chance. I feel like I'm going to explode every time I'm in the same room with you and I don't get to touch your soft skin."
But he didn't say that. He couldn't. And he spent the rest of his night alone, wishing he had someone to hold him. Someone to tell him everything was going to be okay. Someone who loved him as much as he loved you. Someone who loved him as much as you loved Chifuyu.
You eventually tracked Chifuyu down and you told him about how sad Baji seemed tonight.
"Do you think I should go talk to him?" He asked.
"No," you replied. "I don't think he's in the mood to talk. He seemed really sad, though. He looked like he wanted to cry."
"Should we just leave him alone?"
"Yeah, I think so. But let's check on him tomorrow. Maybe he'll be more up to talking then."
"Ok. I hope so."
You didn't mean to, but you caught a glimpse of Chifuyu's face before he turned away. It was like he knew something. Like he knew that Baji had a crush on you. And maybe he did. Baji wasn't subtle at all. He was obvious and open and loud about his feelings. He wore them on his sleeve. And Chifuyu is the type to notice things. Especially about someone he already paid such close attention to. But none of this could be helped. Not really.
So, you left it alone.
A few weeks later, all the boys came over to hang out. And you sat down next to Baji on the couch like you usually did and you leaned your head on his shoulder. He tensed up and then relaxed. And you heard him sniffle a bit.
"Baj'? Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, voice breaking.
"You're crying."
He turned his face away from you and wiped his eyes. "Sorry, y/n. It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
"Hey, I'm your friend. I worry about you. What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Just ... just … stupid shit. Ok? I don't wanna talk about it."
You nodded and patted his knee. "Ok, well, I'm here if you need me." And you got up and walked down the hallway to your room to grab a sweatshirt.
What you didn't know is that Baji got up and followed you. And when you turned around, he was standing there. He reached out and grabbed your hand. And he brought it up to his mouth and kissed it.
"B-Baji?"
"I'm sorry, y/n. I can't do this anymore."
"Do what?"
"I can't ... I can't sit here and watch you and Chifuyu be all lovey dovey. It's fucking with my head, ok? I don't want to feel this way but I do and it's killing me inside. I've tried to stop it. I've tried everything and nothing works."
You pulled your hand back. "What are you … Baji? I don't understand."
"I'm saying that I like you, ok? And I don't know how to stop."
"I understand that but why the fuck are you telling me this now? Jesus, Baj'." You sat down on your bed, folding the sweatshirt up on your lap and holding it close to your chest.
Baji sat down next to you and put his hand on your arm. "I know it's stupid and I know you and Chifuyu are happy together. But I need you to know. I need you to know how much you mean to me. How much I wish it was me instead of him."
You couldn't believe what you were hearing. You didn't know Baji felt this way. You didn't think he ever looked at you like that. And you didn't know what to say. You were speechless.
"I'm sorry, y/n," he said again, "I'm sorry I fucked everything up. I'll go."
But before he could get up, you grabbed his wrist. "Wait," you said. "Don't go."
He turned back to you, face red and impossibly handsome. How had you never seen this before? How completely fucking beautiful he is. And how could you have missed the way he looked at you?
"I'm … sorry, Baj'. I'm sorry I never knew."
"It's not your fault, y/n. I don't blame you for anything. You can't help how you feel."
You nodded.
"What does that mean? Why are you nodding?"
You took his hand and held it in yours. "I don't know." The look in your eyes made him feel something he hadn't felt in so long. And he couldn't help but process that as some fresh new hell. Some new hurt. But still, he was stupidly hopeful.
Even though he didn't want to. He didn't want to think that maybe you could be his. But the way you looked at him right then gave him the tiniest bit of hope that maybe it was possible.
"Y/n? Babe? Where're ya at?" You pulled your hand from Baji's and put them on your lap.
"Sh-shit!" Baji said. "We're in here, Chifuyu. The bedroom." He said as casually as he could muster.
"Tryin' steal my girl, asshole?" Chifuyu laughed half-heartedly.
Baji did not. "Nah, man. Just talking. Catching up."
"Yeah. Ok. Well, Mikey says time to go."
"Shit, already? It's only been an hour."
"Yeah, he wants us all at his place. So, we should go. Don't wanna keep the boss waiting."
"Right. Ok, let's go." Baji got up and walked past Chifuyu without looking him in the eyes. "See ya around, y/n."
"Bye, Baj’-i. Baji." you said. You didn't know what to say. You didn't know what to do.
Baji left and Chifuyu looked at you with a frown. "What's wrong, babe?"
"Nothing."
"Doesn't look like nothing."
"It's nothing, really. Baji was just telling me about some ... something. No biggie. So you're leaving?" You got up and hugged him, trying not to think about the few minutes you and Baji had alone in your room. Holding hands on your bed.
Chifuyu hugged you back. "Yeah, sorry. Mikey says it's important. So, I gotta go. But I'll be back in the morning. Promise."
"Ok, well, I'll talk to you later, yeah? Be safe, Chi." You kissed him and he kissed you back like it was as easy to do as breathing and that broke you down a little bit more than you had anticipated.
What the hell is happening, you wondered. No, you knew what was happening. What is happening. And it was bad. It was so fucking bad. Because you couldn't stop thinking about Baji and his sweet face and his sad eyes. And how it would be nice to hold him and kiss him and make him feel better.
But that was insane. Wasn't it? You loved Chifuyu. You didn't want to be with anyone else. But then why did you feel this way? Why did you want to call Baji and tell him you felt the same?
You didn't know what to do. You were lost. And it was getting harder to pretend you were okay. Especially when you were around Baji. Especially especially when you were around Baji and Chifuyu at the same time.
So, you got into your bed and you texted Chifuyu a good night and a "miss you already" and you waited for him to text you his usual good night text.
It wasn't long and your phone vibrated. You smiled and picked it up next to you on the bed. Picking it up, you were anticipating what cute little thing Chifuyu was going to say to you.
Your smile only grew more wide when you saw it wasn't Chifuyu who'd texted you. 
It was Baji.
"What you doin', y/n?" He asked.
"Hi Baj'. I'm in bed. What you doin'?"
"Same. Just wanted to say g'night."
"Oh, ok. Well, thanks. G'night, Baji. Sweet dreams, yeah?"
"Gonna try and dream about you. And you can't stop me so don't come over here and try to or anything dumb like that, y/n. Got it?"
You surprised yourself: not only with how hard you laughed but that you were up and out of your bed before you knew what happened. Throwing on some leggings and a hoodie and heading out the front door.
Apparently, heading to Baji's place.
"Jesus Christ," he laughed when he opened the door. "Did you sprint here? You're a fucking mess."
"Yeah? Thanks! Anyway, I did run here. And I'm here, aren't I? You're not the only one who can't sleep." Your breathing started to level out after a minute or two of standing there with him.
He couldn't deny that he was missing how your chest heaved when your breathing was heavy. Even behind the baggy sweatshirt. He was missing the way your eyes sparkled in the dark. The way your hair looked messy and adorable. He was missing everything about you.
Until you got there, that is.
"Come in," he said, "make yourself at home."
"Thank you. So, what's up? Why can't you sleep?"
He shrugged. "Don't know. Just thinking too much."
"About?"
He rolled his eyes. "You know about what."
You nodded. "I do. And I think we need to talk about it, yeah? It's getting weird."
Baji swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. You're making things really awkward, y/n. I don't know how much more I can take - going on like this. You're a real pain in my ass."
You gasped, exaggerating hurt feelings and pushed him over on the living room couch. You climbed on top of him before you even knew what was happening.
And though you were only intending to tickle him and make him suffer in the most innocent way, it quickly evolved into something neither one of you had any business exploring with one another.
You felt his hands on your hips and his lips on yours before you had time to process it. And you had no idea what was going on.
You didn't know what to do.
But you knew you didn't want to stop. You didn't want to stop him.
"B-Baji," you said, pulling back just a bit. "Ffffuck! Baj'! Wh-what the hell!"
"I don't know," he said, "I just ... I couldn't help it."
"Yeah, well … neither can I. But we have to stop. We can't do this. We can't do this to Chifuyu! Fuck, man!"
You pulled back and jumped off him. And you started pacing around the living room.
"We can't do this, Baj'. We can't do this to him. We can't."
Baji got up and grabbed your waist, spinning you around to face him. He pulled you flush against the front of his body and kissed you again.
Harder this time.
With more purpose.
And you didn't have the strength to push him away.
You gave in.
Because you wanted to feel him. You wanted to be touched by him and you wanted to touch him. And you couldn't help yourself.
But you knew it was wrong. You knew it was bad.
"Baj'," you said, "we can't. We can't do this." You said between breaths and smashing your lips against his. You had your hands twisted and tangled up in his long, dark hair. Pulling on it as though it would get you even closer to him than you already were.
But it wouldn't.
It couldn't.
And you knew that. You both knew that.
But you couldn't stop. And it didn't matter that you had no idea what was going to happen after tonight.
All you could focus on is what was happening right now.
And right now, you were kissing Baji like it was the last thing you were ever going to do. Like he was the last person you were ever going to touch. Like he was the one who mattered the most.
Like you were never going to be the same again.
Because you weren't.
And you knew you weren't.
So, you did the only thing you could do in this situation:
You said fuck it and kept kissing him.
You said fuck it to what you and Chifuyu had.
You said fuck it to your morals. Fuck it to your conscience. Fuck it all.
Nothing had ever felt so right.
Not in a long time.
Not since you started dating Chifuyu.
And that's when you knew. You knew it was never going to be over, this thing that was blooming between you and Baji.
And you weren't sure what you were going to do about that.
So, you let Baji kiss you and hold you and make love to you that night. You let him because you needed it. You needed him.
And you knew that no matter what happened, it was never going to be the same.
Because you couldn't live without Baji.
Not anymore.
Not now that you'd seen him and touched him and loved him.
No, it wasn't going to be the same. Not ever.
And you were okay with that.
You were okay with it because you knew that it was always supposed to be like this.
Baji was always supposed to be yours.
And you were always supposed to be his.
You were always supposed to be together.
And it felt like the universe was finally putting everything back where it was always supposed to be.
You were complete.
And you had no idea what that meant or what it was going to lead to.
A couple of weeks after this started, Chifuyu asked you to go out with him and Baji. He said it wasn't going to be anything special. Not a date, though, just the three of you going out for dinner, maybe drinks.
You said yes.
Because you couldn't say no.
And Baji couldn't either.
You couldn't look at Chifuyu because you felt so bad.
But you had to.
You had to look at him.
You wanted to tell him.
You wanted to tell him everything.
You wanted to tell him how you felt.
You wanted to tell him how you were feeling about Baji. About him. About you and Chifuyu's relationship as it stood now. About you and Baji's relationship. That shouldn't even exist.
But it did.It does. 
And you weren't sure how to explain that.
You weren't sure how to tell him that you'd fallen in love with his best friend.
You weren't sure how to tell him that you were fucking said best friend and that it wasn't just sex.
It was love.
It was so much more than anything you’d ever experienced.
So, you sat there.
You sat there next to Chifuyu, holding his hand.
And you sat there across from Baji, your feet touching under the table at the booth. Your eyes staring back at the other's for longer than should have been acceptable.
"I'm gonna go grab some water," Chifuyu said, "you guys want anything else?"
"Nah, I'm good," Baji said.
"Me too," you said.
He nodded and walked over to the counter.
And Baji leaned forward. "We can't do this, y/n. We can't keep this up. I can't keep going like this. I can't keep sitting across from you and pretending like I don't want to rip your fucking clothes off and eat your pussy for the next 4 hours. That I don't want to fuck you stupid. I'm fucking getting hard right now just talking about it, y/n! Fuck."
"I know. I know, Baj'. This is killing me. I feel like I'm going to explode."
"What are we going to do? I can't lose you. And I won't lose Chifuyu. He's my best friend. But you're my, goddamn it y/n ... you're my soulmate."
"I … what?"
He nodded. "Yeah. And I know that sounds crazy and stupid but it's the truth. We were made for each other. I feel it. Do you feel it?"
"I , Baj'. I do. But we can't keep this up. We can't do this to Chifuyu."
Neither of you noticed him walk up to the table. "Do what to me? What are you guys goin' on about?"
Baji and you looked at each other. "Nothing," you said.
"You were talkin' about me, weren't you? Did you guys have a fight or something? Is that why you're over here whispering and shit?"
"N-no!" Baji said. "No, we didn't have a fight or anything like that. We were just talking, man. Just talking."
Chifuyu didn't seem to believe him. He squinted his eyes at the two of you and then shrugged. "Ok. Whatever. Anyway, here's your water. What do you guys want to eat?"
You didn't know. You didn't know what you wanted to eat. You didn't know if you wanted to eat. Ever again. All you could think about is how much this was going to hurt Chifuyu. And how much it was going to hurt Baji. And you.
But you had no choice.
You had to tell him.
You had to tell Chifuyu.
And you couldn't put it off any longer.
"Chi, Baj' has something he wants to tell you!" you yelled out so loudly the whole restaurant stopped whatever they were doing to stare at the disruptive girl.
"The FUCK, y/n!" Baji yelled back at you. "What the fuck are you doing?!" He hissed at you.
You shrugged. "I can't do this anymore, Baj'. I can't keep hiding it. I can't keep lying. It's not fair to him."
"You're gonna fucking do it now?"
You nodded.
And Chifuyu looked between the two of you. "What the hell is going on? What are you guys hiding?"
"I ... um ... we ... we've been sleeping together," Baji said, hanging his head.
"You fucking what?" Chifuyu looked at you. "You've been fucking my best friend? Behind my back? Are you fucking kidding me, y/n? You're fucking kidding me. This isn't funny. This isn't funny at all."
"I'm sorry, Chi. I didn't mean for this to happen. It just did. It's not like we planned it or anything. It just happened."
"Yeah, it just happened! That's real fucking convenient. You just accidentally fell onto his dick. Real fucking nice, y/n. I can't believe you. I can't believe either of you. You know what? Fuck this shit. You guys deserve each other. I hope you're happy together." Chifuyu threw his napkin down on the table and stormed out of the restaurant.
Leaving you and Baji at the table and everyone in there staring at you again.
You got up and started to chase after Chifuyu. Baji just sat there, taking a sip of his drink. "Fuckin' shit," he said, "this was a bad idea."
You found Chifuyu outside, sitting on a bench next to the entrance of the restaurant. "H-hey," you said, sitting down next to him.
"Leave me alone, y/n. I don't want to talk to you."
"I know. I'm sorry, ok? I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, Chi. You know that, right? You know I would never want to hurt you on purpose."
"Yeah, well, you did. You did hurt me. And you have been hurting me for weeks."
"Chi, you have to under- wait, what did you just say? You've known about this? Chi!"
"Yeah, I fucking knew about it. I'm not an idiot. I could tell you guys had something going on. And I let it go because I thought it was nothing. I thought it was a crush or something. I thought I could trust you BOTH to do the right thing here. Instead, you've been fucking each other - behind my back, for weeks and NOT telling me how you felt. You know, the worst part is, I'm not even that surprised. Baji is great. You're great. It was inevitable that you two would find your way into each other's arms. I mean, come on, now. You'd have to be fucking blind to not want to be with either of you."
"I'm so sorry, Chi." You had tears running down your face. But you weren't sure why you were crying. It was all just a lot to process. Chifuyu's reaction, Baji's lack of reaction. All of it.
"It's fine. I'm not mad at you, y/n. I'm mad at Baji. And I'm mad at myself for not seeing this coming. For not stopping it before it went too far. For being in love with you when you're clearly in love with him."
You didn't know what to say. You didn't know what to do. So, you just sat there.
And you let Chifuyu talk.
"I think I knew it was happening before it did. I tried to ignore it. I tried to pretend like it wasn't a big deal. But it was. And it still is."
"I'm so sorry, Chi. I … honest to God never ... ever never wanted to hurt you."
"But you did. And I can't forgive you for that. I don't know if I ever will. And we can't be together anymore. Not now."
"I understand." You had to choke out those words. They were getting caught in your throat as you tried not to sob.
"Fuck. Don't cry, y/n. We can still be friends. I mean, I don't hate you or anything. I'll just never trust you with anything important. Ever again. Like, ever."
"I know. I know, Chi. I get it."
He nodded. "Ok. Well, I'm gonna go. You should go back in there and talk to Baji. Tell him what happened. He deserves to know how badly he fucked up."
"Y- … I will."
"Good. Take care, y/n. And tell him I said good luck with you. That he's dating a whore, liar and cheater. Tell him I said to have fun with that."
You forced yourself to laugh. You knew Chifuyu well enough to know he didn't mean everything he just said to you. Maybe ⅔’s of it. Though you wouldn't bet money on which ⅔’s he was referring to.
Walking back to the restaurant you saw Baji sitting at the table. His shoulders slumped down and his head hung over the table.
"Hey," you said, sitting down across from him.
"What happened? Did you find Chifuyu?"
"Yeah. He was outside. He left"
"Oh. Ok."
"He knows, Baj'. He knew all along."
"Fuck, y/n! Why didn't you tell me that? You should have told me that. Jesus Christ, man! That changes everything."
"I didn't know he knew! Stop yelling at me! You're just as responsible for this shit as I am! Maybe more!"
"Yeah, ok. Whatever. It's done. Let's just go home."
"What? Home? Where is home?"
"You know where it is. My place. You know, the place you've been fucking me every night for the past 2 weeks. The place where you've been sleeping with me and lying to my best friend. Yeah, that home. You remember that one, right?"
"Yeah, I'm familiar." You scowled at him.
"Ok, good." He stood from the table and walked toward the exit, not waiting for you.
You followed him out, running to catch up. You walked next to him in silence, the tension thick in the air around you.
Neither of you had any idea what was going to happen next.
You didn't know if you were going to be together. after this. If you should be together after this.
And you didn't know what to do about it.
So, you did the only thing you could: You kept walking until you got to Baji's house.
And when you got there, you went inside.
Because you didn't want to think about anything else.
The emptiness you felt in the fresh absence of Chifuyu was so painful that you wanted to escape this reality. And the only way to do that was to let yourself be whisked away by Baji in the little fantasy world the two of you had created a couple of weeks ago in his room.
He pulled you down onto the bed and rest his hand on the curve of your waist and he put his forehead against yours.
"I'm sorry." He said.
"Sorry?" You whispered back to him. All the while, thinking about his lips and the rest of him and how it was all yours for the taking now. You could have him in his entirety.
You didn't know what you were going to do with that.
"Yeah. I'm sorry for all this. I shouldn't have fallen in love with you. I knew better."
"Baj'. You're not the only one who fell here. I love you too. So hard and so fast. I don't know what the fuck happened."
He kissed your mouth, his lips just grazing yours. It sent a jolt down your spine. You know that kiss. You know what it means. The look in his eyes. On his face. You'd become well acquainted with Baji's everything over the last few weeks.
Except now, it didn't hurt to acknowledge it. That you liked it. That you sat around, fantasizing about it when you weren't together. And that you thought about him more than you wanted to admit to yourself.
You wrapped your hand around the back of his head and held him tightly by the hair, pulling him on top of you. He pushed into you, grinding his hips against yours as he kissed you with a ferocity that you couldn't deny.
You were never going to be the same after tonight.
Not ever.
Not after Baji.
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@kazutora-kurokawa @katkusuo @viburnt @arlerts-angel @darkstarlight82
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kosije · 9 months
Text
a/n: if i told you this had been sitting in my drafts for over half a year would you believe me?
cw: afab fem reader, arguing (not in detail), baby angst, horrible attempt at writing accented dialog (atsumu I'm so sorry), fingering (f! receiving), head (f! receiving), possible part two (probs not)
The argument started as a joke. At least, that’s all it was to Atsumu. He didn’t even mean to catch you in a bad mood. You started squinting at him and making him feel stupid, and he got much more passionate and vindictive. It was only a matter of time before his smart mouth said something inappropriate, and now your eyes read something other than anger. You're hurt.
He thought it was just a rise of emotions and didn’t matter to either of you, but after he came back from training only to get the silent treatment every time he tried to talk to you. He won't lie—he started to sweat. His pride held him back from apologizing first. After seeing you turn away from him, he decided to just wait till the morning for you to come around.
Sure, when you rejected to eat the dinner he prepared, he felt troubled, but he can always pack it up for your lunch tomorrow. So what if the shock of you turning your back to him in bed and scooting as far as you could get away from him made his chest hurt? It was too hot to cuddle, anyway.
It wasn’t until the third day you left to work without a word or glance at him he felt his pride collapse. He was spiraling. It's bad enough that he hasn't apologized yet, but what if...? You're not thinking about... leaving, right? Shakey tan hands finding his phone and calling you after going the whole three days without hearing your voice unless it was to address someone other than him. He knows you get off in 2 hours, but he can’t help his worry.
It’s not only until his call gets declined does he nearly faints. It’s all too much. He starts desperately replaying the situation in his head. You really had only been looking out for him when you told him you didn't want him to practice until so late. But he just had to not listen and turn it back on you, huh? Just listen. That was it. The rift between you now was all because he was being too immature. If he had known this would have- no, that's not the point. He shouldn't have either way. You know that, don't you? 
Like a blessing, he hears the door click and watches you push past it. Your head is hung, and your purse and coat hit the floor in a phut before you kick your heels off away from the walkway. You're tired. When your eyes meet, they're cold as steel before widening in shock.
“Y/n...”
He wasn’t crying, but he could feel the blood rush to his face and his breathing deepen. Before he can spill his guts out to you, you pull him in for a hug.
Now he’s really crying.
You say nothing as you hold him, just rub his back softly and let him cry into your shoulder. Even in your exhaustion, knee-jerk is to take care of him. He really must be pathetic.
He leans into your touch as you wipe his tears away, letting him hold your wrist to his lips as he peppers kisses all along your palm.
“‘M so so sorry, love. Was so scared ya would neva talk t'me again.” His accent is much thicker than usual, and he feels so overwhelmed his head crashes down on your shoulder.
“I deserved it all. It’s all my fault.'m so sorry, y/n. Please don’t leave me. I’ll be so much better ‘nd I’ll never do that again. I was jus- it doesn't matter why, it was stupid. I should've never said that.”
“Hey," You don't sound demeaning, but your voice is firm and he can tell what you mean by it, so he brings his head from your shoulder to look you in your eyes. "I'm sorry for making you feel stupid. I should've talked to you after you got settled in, and not immediately after getting home. But never, should you ever, talk to me like that. I'd never leave you for this. I love you far too much. But I also love sleeping next to my boyfriend at a reasonable hour. I love you, Tsumu, okay? That hasn't changed. I promise.”
He nods in your hands before resting his forehead on yours.
“Can I kiss ya?”
Instead of answering, you kiss him first, and he's sighing into it. Short pecks turn more passionate and drawn out. Lashes flutter shut, and he savors the taste of coffee and vanilla chapstick he gets when his tongue slipped inside. As his hands maunder your body and find your hips, he needs you closer. He grabs under your thighs and you jump to wrap your legs around his waist as the kisses turn into a make-out session. You help him take off his tee shirt, letting out a shaky breath when he sucks on your neck, walking to your bedroom. 
“Fuck baby- lemme, make it up t'ya. Let me make ya feel good. Lemme show ya how much I’ve missed ya”
His chest is heavy and the bulge in his pants is more than apparent through his sweatpants. You look up at him doe-eyed and nod, and he has to bite his lip to keep the moan threatening to tumble out at bay. It’s not until you’re only in your underwear that he pauses. Letting his calloused finger rub up and down your slit, he swallows your strained moans with his tongue down your throat. You impatiently paw at his shoulders, and without asking, he moves your panties to the side and slips his finger inside. His mouth moves down to your thighs as his finger slowly moves in and out of you before adding a second, and you’re already whining for more. He kisses the fat of your thigh once more before pecking, then sucking and licking your clit while a third finger bullies your cunt.
Your hands move to his hair and you rock your hips against his face as you chase your release. The sensation stings his scalp, but he can’t bring himself to stop. Not when you taste so good. Not when he’s been missing and dreaming about your cunt ever since you’ve turned your back on him.
“F-fuck-Fuck ‘Tsumu, I’m gonna cum!”
Your cries run straight to his dick as he ruts his clothed cock into the bedsheets while eating you out. You cry out as your orgasm rushes over you, as your heels dig into his lower back. He greedily laps up everything you let out while bathing in all the praises that fall from your swollen lips. He lets you ride out your orgasm on his lips, then kisses you back up to your chin.
"Did ya like that?"
"Yes," and the breathless way that you say it makes him smile.
"Good, 'cuz I have somethin' even better fer ya."
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