#NOW I KNOW I EXIST AND WILL SOMEDAY DIE AND I MUST THINK ON THIS

[theotherhappyplace]

unicorn concept, horns are their own separate species, highly magical, nonsentient, driven by instinct, need to be inside of a living creature to get nutrients, stab into a horse head, make the HORSE sentient and magical by altering its brain.

and the symbiote horn gets nutrients from the horses body.

horse is not in pain.

though becoming suddenly sapient is very upsetting for a lot of them.

#unicorn #monster concept #animal harm mention #sort of? i think the horse is mostly fine other than like being upset about suddenly being sapient #BEFORE ALL I WANTED WAS GRASS AND RUN #NOW I KNOW I EXIST AND WILL SOMEDAY DIE AND I MUST THINK ON THIS #horse farmer pissed as hell

[rainbowmothed]

a collection of angsty quotes that reminded me of vaggie. inspired by @ lookinginsidemymind on tiktok.

“i think i was born to sting,”

but i don't mean to.”

“im not a violent dog. i dont know why i bite”

“how the absence of someone can feel like the absence of myself.”

“wish you were here. you could tell me what to do.”

“i am angry, i am unlovable. i am mostly afraid those things are true.”

“please stop yelling at me please scratch my back please stick up for me in a conversation i am listening to from the top of the stairs. you are my girlfriend, act like it”

“i wear the army's anger like a hand-me-down. the hotel says it does not look good on me”

“i do not know how to love something without sinking my teeth into it”

“i am the girl screaming. i am also the girl begging to not be screamed at.”

“what if i become angry like my past self. what if i already have?”

“i would do anything to become someone worth keeping around”

“why are you running away?”

“i must search every corner of the world to search for the girl i once was. to get rid of her, once and for all”

“i am so adam's top girl it hurts. can you tell?”

“i love you.”

“sometimes, i think love and violence are the same”

“if my past was a tooth, id tie a string around it and slam the door on those memories.”

“but it is not. i cannot.”

“i am flying way too close to the sun and id like to say the heat burning my skin makes me feel alive but i really just want the blisters to prove ive been hurt”

“i am messy. everything i let go of has claw marks. i am stubborn. i have never met a hill i wouldn't die on”

“i've been holding onto this grief so long it feels as familiar as the turns into my neighborhood when i've fallen asleep in the car.”

“i want to wake up now. i want to let it go”

“how could i forget? does the tree forget the axe?”

“i stuffed myself into this cocoon. now i beg for transformation”

“thank you for putting flowers in my messy room im sorry for making you mad at me i didn't mean to but unfortunately there's something wrong with me”

“im trying my best im trying my best that's all i can do”

“sometimes this girl's best is judging everyone else to distract herself from the fact that she hates herself more than she could ever hate anything else”

“i love like a dog. not in the cute, fluffy way; in the discarded, disgusting mutt way. i whine for any scraps of affection i am given”

“sometimes, you are so accustomed to hate you cannot fathom love. you reject it.”

“i don't think my creator knows my favorite color. or my birthday.”

“i wish i could look at myself in the mirror without crying”

“i love you with what in me is unfinished; i love you with what in me is still changing”

“someday i will sail away from the shame i carry. for now, i am merely a passenger”

“you're holding onto something that doesn't exist anymore”

“unclench your fists.”

“this grief isnt tangible but oh god how i can feel it”

“this is an automated message, please don't reply. we are calling in regard to your father”

“we mean your creator. we mean the man that raised you. we mean the man that said he raised you.”

“sorry, we dont know what we mean, because you don't know what we mean”

“we apologize for any miswording. we apologize the way they will never apologize. when will you accept that?”

“sometimes i dont want to get better just to show you how bad it was”

“i am afraid that if i open myself i will not be able to stop pouring. why do i fear becoming a river? what mountain gave me such shame?”

“you keep asking if i would die for you. i keep asking why you want me dead”

“good enough to grab. they always put me back, though. 🐟”

“im sorry for saying sorry”

#vaggie #hazbin vaggie #hazbin angst #hazbin hotel angst #hazbin hotel #vivziepop #hellaverse #lesbian #chaggie #chaggie angst?? #fallenwings #lute x vaggie but they're exes #vaggie angst #sad thoughts #poetry #hazbin poetry #moth's hazbin poetry

[poemnic-tarot]

Light & Shadow. What part of yourself you cannot see?

1 -2

3-4

🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡

(Disclaimer : This is a general reading please only take what resonate. For entertainment purposes only)

Pile 1🪲

Light: Buffalo, Son of Pentacle. “I haven't met all of me yet"

"It was never a question of biology of nature or nurture. I know now that we healed up through being loved and through loving others"

Light side that you don't see about yourself Pile 1, is that you are a slow and steady win the race kind of person. This trait is very admirable because whereas a lot of people would have get impatient and give up. You slow and steadily and patiently work toward what you want. Your trust in yourself and where you can go is unmatched. Your faith in your abilities, skills and the Divine is quite rare and extremely admirable.

You know deep within your heart that in order to grow a flower you must tend to it consistently, diligently and with love and care. We grow more beautiful where we are loved. You know that in order to be successful in your ventures (whether it's career, hobbies or relationships) it does need hard work, consistently and most importantly, faith in your own ability to make it work. And you have it, you have this faith in yourself that you might not realised.

You are also a very loyal person whether to people you considered your people or even to a particular place, or brand. You are a person who does not give up easily (especially in relationship). When someone need a reassurance or help solving a problem, they would definitely come to you Pile 1, because whether you know it or not a lot of people think of you first when they come across an impossible challenge. They would go "oh Pile 1 can definitely do it". This is not in a "I'm going to used Pile 1 to solve my problem for me" kind of way, but in a more, admirable for your skill, talent and your ability to overcome any impossible challenges. However, there is no obligation for you to help someone if you do not want to. But this is what your light side want to say to you that you have not been noticing.

"We are hard to kill, hard to defeat, our faith in the heaven and ourselves is unrivalled. We alway get what we want eventually and people trust us completely and they are right to because any challenges coming our way will be inevitably defeated. So trust in our ability to walk through mud and dark forest."

"I trust myself to go through hell because I trust myself to get out"

The word to describe your light side is Persistent. Which means it will never die. And that’s really scary to be honest. Persistently shining no matter what come at it.

Poems : Revaluation by @cant-find-my-name

There’s alway going to be a losing battle

It’s an inevitable encounter

But that doesn’t mean you should

Lose hope,

Failure doesn’t alway mean the end

As long as you’re breathing

You can still follow

The string of rope

That has alway been tied to you

And your fated destination…..

Song: The Rumbling by SiM

Shadow : Fire ant, 7 of swords. “This moment will just be another story someday"

Where there's light, there will alway be a shadow. One cannot exist without the other. Pile 1, your shadow side that you cannot see is that you tend to not be as discerning as you could have been about what you're getting into or committed to. You are a very committed person, hard to give up when you're decided to do something, but that also means, you can get stuck on a situation or promises that you can't fulfil. Or can fulfil but at your own expense and that can indicate a poor discernment on whether what you are committing to is worth it or not. Whether what you're committing to is a person, a job, or even a hobbies, a brand etc, bring you nothing but drama, headaches, negativity, gossips, overall not good energy.You might have to ask yourself, 'why do I feel like I need to be loyal to these kind of people, places, brands, etc?'. When all you get in return is anything but peace.

Your shadow self urges you to be very discern on who you share your secret or even your goals with because they might not have the best intention. Even if you think there's no harm in sharing them, or because you're very passionate and excited to share your ideas.Your shadow urges you to protect them for a while, unless, rumours will spreads and your name will be at the centre. Not in a good way. Your shadow have a tendency to overshare and spreads informations that you, yourself are still unsure about. You might think it's fine, no big deal but your words are quite powerful and people tend to listen to you and take your words seriously, so please be extra careful on what you are saying about other people and about yourself. Because weirdly, people tend to remember what you said to them or about them distinctly.

Poem: You wish by @cant-find-my-name

…….. You hated my wings

You aimed and try

To shoot it down

Too many times

But miss and then

It hit

And we both were surprised

To find a phoenix

Rising from ashes

Once again, the dead did not collect

However much

You Wish

Songs : Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush

Book : Focus by Daniel Goldman

🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡

Pile 2🌻

Light : Dragon, 4 of Pentacles. “And when tomorrow comes, you'll call it today. Time remains an illusory play."

Pile 2, What you did not see about your light side is that, you are quite a powerful person, specifically a powerful manifestor. I get a feeling that there's nothing you cannot manifest. As well as, you are extremely intuitive, even psychic. You can sense and see illusions, and things ordinary person would not be able to even comprehend. You have quite a skill and a good grasp of concept of realms and dimensions, and you are not even just powerful here in the 3D, but it seems you are quite active in many places/realms/realities/dimensions. Your light is strong, wide spreads. You see all, no lies or illusion can go passed you. It would be hard to fool or scam you Pile 2.

Your light side that you cannot see, yet, is that it can create something from nothing. Entrepreneurial vibes, build something up from the ground, from your own will power alone. And you have scarily good instinct Pile 2. Your success, in the materials world come from your own ideas and intuition. Never underestimate what you feel, even without proof, because almost, alway, you were right. It would be hard to play or even attack you Pile 2, not even just in the 3D, but also you are extremely aware in all realms/realities/dream realms, etc. One word to describe your light side is "Omnipotent",see all. Trust what you see or feels because that's your light speaking to you.

You also have extremely good self-control. It's hard to budge you from your goal, on what you decided to go for. Example, when you say you're not going to drink for a month, you won't. No amount of temptation or cajoling would break you down. Even when you attended a party full of alcohol. You still did not lose self control. This is one of the light side that you might not realised is within you Pile 2. Your light side is very protected of you, whether you know it or not, nothing can get pass you.

Poem : Hidden strength by @cant-find-my-name

My heart is brave but my mind is not

How can I make my intrusive thoughts

Stop.

Red flag, red light, demonise

Why do I think that everyone is a devil in disguise

Why can’t I believe in goodness

Kind heart, My angels, my spirit guides

I need more trust in me

I don’t want to be stuck

With my shadow for what seem like Eternity,

Kindness, kind heart, innocent,

That was all I am

Why can’t I see that I’m strong?

Strong enough to banish what doesn’t

Belong.

Song: Rainbow by Kacey Musgraves

Shadow side : Horse, 2 of Swords, “To tell the different between the absence of treatment opposed to the evidence of mistreatment"

"You don't notice your progress in life because you are alway raising the bar"

Pile 2, a shadow side that you did not see is that you tend to be extremely hard on yourself. Expect yourself to alway be doing something, anything. Achieving things, finishing one goal and what's next?. Alway planning the next steps ahead without taking the time to reflect and truly think on why you need to fulfil that particular goal so bad. This shadow trait love to watch you go way past your limit. Push yourself over the edge for something that doesn't fulfil you truly. Maybe reevaluate your priory, examine your list/tasks that you deemed important and see if self-care, relaxation is on that list. Because it is important for you to be doing nothing, to have fun doing absolutely nothing. It would be quite dangerous for you to be so concentrated on the material world, because it is a black hole where when one has fallen down, it's nearly impossible to come back up. Your shadow trait want you to questioned and reflect on, what do you consider to be 'true wealth'?.

Pile 2, sometimes you go too far, do almost anything to achieve your goals and watch out for that. When you found yourself compromising your integrity and personal values to get what you want. Then it's really time to reevaluate your priority.

Poem: Plateau Fever by @cant-find-my-name

Can you promise me something?

Let me be happy, give me my peace

As I learned my lesson

Nothing was taken

But nothing was given either

And I��m here flowing

Stuck in this Plateau Fever

Never dream of betterness

Thought it was impossible

A star too far to grab

Now my mindset is shifting

Now I believe in the better

I know goodness

They do last

Song : My Little Love by Adele

Book : Circe by Madeline Miller

🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡

Pile 3🪁

Light : Lamb, Son of Pentacles. "And there will be nights when your life will fall apart and no one will notice the morning you spent putting it back together"

(Quite similar to Pile 1, might want to check it out)

Pile 3, Light side of yourself you cannot see is that you are a very honest person. Trust worthy and have a strong integrity. People can/ tend to trust you with their delicate secret, such as, their credit card number, affairs etc. That is how trust worthy you are. You are also a grounded person, lots of earth energy. People feel safe and protected around you pile 3, like you have their back and are extremely reliable, especially in an emergency. They know to trust you to tell them the truth, tell them like how it is, even if it's not pleasant to do so. "Truth is a gift", and your light side is like a gift to the people. Precious, special, delicate but not fragile.

You are also very determined and patient. Slow and steady win the race kind of person. You are a type to bring support, lift people up and contribute in a big way into people lives, not adding drama, troubles or headaches. Life is easier for people, with you in their life Pile 3. You are very patient and consistent in every area of your life, work, friendship, hobbies, etc. People know what to expect from you and that is a good thing because this light trait of yours make people feel a sense of stability, predictability, and reliability. You have this consistency in your character which make people trust quite easily. "I know pile 3 will come prepare, or Pile 3 will alway have my back."

Your light side or maybe physical vessel might seem delicate but people would be shocked with how much you can endured or how much you had gone through pile 3.People would never guess that you had such a hard time because you come across as someone who have everything in order and there is nothing that is wrong in your life. But that just how you come across, even in your energy, but that is not necessary the truth. The truth is Pile 3, you went to shit, hell and back and able to make it look easy and effortless. Just another day in the office. But if people were to be in your position they would be shocked in how much you have to carried on your shoulders (traumas wise), and surprised by how light you still are, despite what you went through?. It's a mystery to the people and a testament to your strength.

Your light side is strong Pile 3, but in a way that's unexpected. You are strong in your honesty, vulnerability, your conviction and your ability to stand your ground. Your light side can get you through any bad situations and come out on top, come out still you, every time.(Pure) Because whereas most people would give up, you continue to step forward, step by step, consistently, no matter the weathers. That is why people trust you so much because they know you will alway show up no matter what, for them, for yourself, for justice.

Poem : The Truth Doesn’t Sell by @cant-find-my-name

No sooner or later

You’d notice an elephant in the

Living room

The clouds obscuring the

Moon

Plants growing between concrete

Your silence spreads

Like deadly diseases……

(See full poem at @cant-find-my-name )

Song: Back to You by Flower Face

Shadow: High Priestess/Octopus. "When you love what you have, you have everything"

Pile 3

You got a major arcana (High Priestess) as your shadow self. This means that you got a major part of your self hidden in the shadow that you haven't been brought to light, yet. This side of you have an extremely strong intuition but you tend to ignore it. This side of you seem to questioned the intangible, the magic, the sprit side of thing. The things that cannot be proven, which means it's not real right?. Sometime the truth is in the feeling Pile 3,no need to touch it, cause you can't touch emotions but emotions are very real even though it's not tangible. This shadow side find it hard to trust in the unknown. You can trust hard work, day to day, the result from it, but a miracle that strike like lightning and made no sense and come from no where?, No way!. This shadow side of yours find it hard to have faith in the Divine. It is so attached and stuck in the 3D. Maybe too focused on what you can see, and ignore the sighs from your very strong, very real intuition, where you have to closed your eyes to see. Not everything that you think you need is in the 3D will bring that sense of security you are alway chasing.This shadow trait of yours, Pile 3, would have you work extra hard, extra diligent to get that promotion, that car, that house because you think you need it in order to feel secure and safe in this world. But true security comes from within, it come from connection within ourselves first and foremost and the connection between you and the source/Divine.That is the true security where it will truly make you feel safe in this world, the ability to trust one’s own intuition and something bigger than us.

Whenever you feel the need to chase that achievement in order to feel secure, sit still and connect with your own intuition because it would tell you to stop looking externally. It would tell you that you are enough as you are. You are the person you can love 100%.Your shadow self want you to trust in something bigger than yourself more.

Poem: Guiding light by @cant-find-my-name

Walk with me

Take my hand

I’ll guide you to where I am

Passing hidden memories

The illusion that drown out the

Objectivity.

I’ll replace it back to you

And show you the Objective truth….

(See full poem at @cant-find-my-name )

Song : Two by sleeping at last

Book : Wisdom of insecurity by Alan Watts

🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡

Pile 4🥨

Light: Crocodile/Ace of Pentacles."People liked to focus on the things they couldn't have"

Pile 4, your light side is very patient, wise and observant. You have great inner discernment and wisdom to know what actually really matter. What is truly important. You know where to focus on to achieve your goals or to even be in a fulfilment/peaceful state in life. You know what to focus on in your life, which is the positive side of life. You take your time before you rush into things. Impulsiveness is not in your vocabulary. You need to observe and gather important information in order to make your move on anywhere or anything, whether that is a project, relationships. You might be good in investment, or a start up because you have the characteristic for it. Example, where people would focus on the profit, fame, status of entrepreneurialship. However, your light side know what to focus on, which is what is truly most important in life, the service, how can your business serve your community. How can we be of service to this earth, the humanity?.These are the big question your light side have an eyes for. You can see the whole picture, while most people only focused on themselves and what they can gain. Pile 4, you would make a stable, consistent leader. It's hard for you to succumb to instant gratification, you would be surprise how much you can hold back more than average on instant gratification,when you know the wait is worth it.Example, you won't buy a cheap furniture right now and saved and invested in a good quality ones where it will last you longer. Your ability to wait to strike when the timing is right is a strength you might not notice about your self because it just comes naturally to you, and Pile 4, when you strike at something, you never miss.

Poem: Kindness win by @cant-find-my-name

How kind of you to smile when you rather

Not

How kind of you to say ‘sorry’ first

How kind of you to notice unhappiness

In someone

How kind of you to hold the door

Open,

Every little gestures count

The impact life changing sometime

And you may never notice

How kind you are or the choices you made

Were kind……..

Song : come back home by BTS

Shadow: Horse/Justice."What suffering is behind your anger?"

Pile 4, your shadow side that you might not see is that you have more choices than you think. There might have been a limited mindset or limited viewpoint that you have.You might be unconsciously believed that your choice is limited. Your shadow side believes, that true freedom doesn't really exist. There has to be sacrifice, alway. There is no such things as true freedom. This side of yours feel limited, caged in, like you have to choose this or that and one is right and one is wrong, so you better choose the right one. Pile 4, the world is not black or white. There are truly no right or wrong choice for you to make, just one where it would benefit you or benefit others. Some choice might be right and seems wrong and vice versa, and some choices can be both. It's not neither or, it either and. I think this side of your feel that it has been making choices/ choosing a path that might have been benefiting others more than yourself, to the point of imbalance. Where it cannot helped but feel resentment towards others even though it was your own choice to do so. Example, I want to go for that promotion but since this co-worker of mine also want to, I choose not to and give it to them instead because they need it more?, something like that. And this side of yours that really want to go for that promotion wondered why can't we strive for it?, for our goals?, for ourselves.

Why do we have to make a choice benefiting others but not us?, what about us?. Why we need to hold back our momentum because of others?. Your shadow want you to run free, especially with your choices, express your wants and needs more. Want to dye your hair red?, go for it, no need to think if that person will approve of it or not. It is not their decision to make but yours. Go for what you aim for without the need to see if everyone is okay with it or not. You will find your buried anger/resentment will be abated after you acknowledge this shadow trait of yours, notice when you tend to hold back even to your own detriment, example, not confessing your feeling for A because you know B likes A, so you would give your way to B. Say it for yourself, do it for you. And F other people for once.

Poem: Show me by @cant-find-my-name

Surely, I must be sick

On the verge of death

The longing so deep

So agonising

Yearning for a miracle to exist

Or else, all my ability to feel

Will simply perish

I’ve lived on this earth

For far too long

To not be falling in love

Or be loved in return……

Song : Signs of the time by Harry Styles

Book : Atomic Habits by James Clear

🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡 ⭐️ ☀️ 🖤 🦋 🧡

Thank you so much for reading!. If this resonate please leave a tip if you like. See you soon!

Check out @cant-find-my-name for more of my original poetry

#pick a card #tarot messages #tarot reading #sprituality #tarot #tarotcommunity #divination #healing #channeled reading #channeled message #light and shadow

[jannwrites]

tv show ask meme : TRIGUN STAMPEDE (2023). (3/3)

a selection of lines taken from the 2023 anime trigun stampede. quotes taken from the english dub version. modified slightly for rp purposes.

do you care to fill me in?

you heard them crying out, didn't you?

i only want to hear your screams.

no matter how comfortable they might be, chains are still chains.

what are you planning?

let her be your first casualty in our crusade.

all this time and you're still just as useless without me.

you don't get to take anyone else away from me!

must you rip him time and again from me!?

stay away from him!

every time i see your mug you've slaughtered my masterpiece.

i'll figure out a way to save everyone.

the days gonna come when you have to pick a side. i hope you pick right.

you think they'll let me smoke here?

we have more interesting things to discuss.

who should i let live?

you call this "saving?" i'm not so sure i'm convinced.

you! i remember you!

you may have a death wish but i don't.

your morality comes at a price, i see.

i know how they treat you.

they hate you yet you take bullets for them.

my body moves before i can even think about it.

i guess you figured me out.

nothing i did demeaned them in anyway.

who are you to pity the likes of me?

you should hear the way [name] speaks about you.

i did this to you.

the only reason we get to live is because somebody else died.

you're so eager to die.

what did you come here for?

you dare accuse me?

do you now feel you're able to lay down your cross?

i thought more of you.

calm yourself down.

i'm done playing.

remember the vow i made that day?

is all of that necessary?

you promised you would save me.

you think we're better off as monsters than we are dead?

you're no hero who's strong enough to save them.

you won't escape me. not again.

don't lose sleep over it.

and yet again, she gets to you.

comparison is the thief of joy,

did she mean nothing to you all this time?

you have to be curious, too.

i can see why you hate them.

that is but a grain of sand in their desert of misdeeds.

just try. try to have faith in them.

they only loved your tricks. your charm.

misplaced devotion is a trap. i had to save you from it.

everything that i did was for you.

she sold you on excuses and disguised them as love.

no, don't leave me. stay here.

you've finally come back to me.

may caution guide you.

so this is how it ends.

not every day i see you flustered.

have a nice death, [name].

don't you give up on me!

you'll be so much happier if you stay here.

i'm so sorry i left you alone.

it's not over. not until i say so!

if you hadn't shown up, nobody would have died.

your very existence is a contradiction.

you think i haven't realized that yet?

i won't stop until they believe in me.

i'm ready to do whatever i have to. i don't care what happens to me.

i don't think i know you anymore.

how long will you remain the hunted?

i'll run, and i'll run, and i'll keep on running for another lifetime if i have to.

after everything calms down, i'll always go back to their side.

it'll kill you!

i'll win it someday. a home, for you and me.

just know. i'm always watching you.

#rp meme #rp ask meme #rp sentence meme #rp sentence starters #* mine. #yeehaw #meme: tv.

[goatofgehenna]

(FFIX) Necron made sense as a final boss and here's why...

I would like to break down this argument by addressing his lines of dialogue in the original script (Japanese) because it's a better representation of who exactly Necron was and why he was there.

Necron only gained the name Necron in English. His japanese name is 永遠の闇 (Eternal Darkness) or 'The Darkness of Eternity.' I implore you to observe Necron as existential dread and death itself embodied in physical form.

The script (paraphrased to make more sense in English):

"Fear is in the hearts of all living things, from the moment they are given life; there is no exception. Life itself is a cruel thing... each abolishing the other in the struggle to survive. That which lives is constantly burdened by the anxiety and suffering caused by the fear that someday it will die. Upon realizing death is inescapable and cannot be overcome this fear is awakened... The greater the fear of death is, the more one will say he does not want to succumb to it. To be spared the enormous fear of death all life must cease to exist. Kuja gave into this fear and came to the conclusion that he could be saved by destroying the Crystal, the origin of everything."

Kuja was also afraid of death but more specifically, he was afraid of his life being meaningless, of not having control over his destiny and of the kind of life he lived.... before he ever knew about his shortened life span, this is why he sought to defy Garland so strongly.

Vivi, upon learning he was an artificial being made for war, started to question his own fate and consciousness. Throughout the game, he comes to the conclusion that it doesn't matter if he gets all the answers he wants - what matters is the choices he makes with the time he has. Vivi carved the life for himself that he wanted to live instead of succumbing to the dread of his shortened life span or his violent purpose for creation.

Zidane also learns he was an artificially created being made for destruction - at first this realization causes him to spiral as he thinks everything he knew about his life was a lie and that he has no control over his fate, that it was only by lucky chance he didn't come to kill everyone he now calls friends. His friends remind him that he is not defined by the purpose of his creation but rather the choices he makes and that he is in control of that.

I could go on.. almost every character in FFIX has this sort of theme (Garnet, Steiner, Freya, Beatrix, Kuja, the Black Mages, Mikoto even makes a speech about it after Kuja dies, etc.): Questioning the meaning of their existence, if the choices they made were right or wrong, if they are created for the wrong reasons or bound to a destiny that was handed to them OR if they have the ability to change and carve a new path for themselves.. if they are in control of their fate.

I say all of this to say, it is very important that all of the cast conquer their fear of death in order to live life without dreading the end of existence or what may or may not come after it. In defeating Necron they are saying: "We know that by choosing life we will not be spared it's hardships and that for all of us, death is inevitable, but the joy of experiencing being alive is a price we are willing to pay."

Necron states that he cannot actually be defeated when you finish fighting him because he is more of a metaphor for a feeling, for a reality of existing.

He was originally going to be represented as 'Hades' - god of the underworld - who is not actually a wicked force but a neutral force - one that anyone can greet with fear or acceptance.

Vivi, by his letter in the end, made peace with this reality and showed deeper understanding that some symbolic version of himself would live on in the lives of those he knew and the stories he told (memories).. this is how he kept Zidane's spirit alive despite never getting to see Zidane again in the flesh before (Vivi) passed.

Kuja, after witnessing the party defeat Necron and Kuja used the last of his remaining magic to teleport them to safety.

This line from Mikoto (talking for the Genomes) is a little tricky to translate to English. The real meaning of it from the original Japanese script is this message:

"Kuja.. what you did was wrong.. but you gave us all one thing.. hope. We were created for the wrong reason, but you alone defied our fate. We do not want to forget this. We want your memory to live on forever... for we want to believe that our existence has meaning."

What she's saying is: despite the fact that we were created for the wrong reason (to take over one planet and eradicate an existing people there) you alone challenged the idea that you had to live by someone else's design (Kuja wasn't following Garland's orders, he only wanted to appear that way to double cross him, but in reality he wanted to be the ruler of Terra and Gaia, not it's destroyer). Kuja was also told that he was 'a failed AoD' and Zidane made as a replacement which rendered his life meaningless initially - Kuja also defied this. He lived as an individual through and through. Kuja's memory reminds the Genomes (And the Black Mages) that they can choose their own meaning in life by the way they live and think despite any 'destiny' that might have been handed to them by their creation itself.

SO YES - Necron is the correct final boss.

And his foreshadowing is literally one of the largest themes of the game.

#final fantasy 9 #final fantasy ix #ffix #ff9 #final fantasy #Necron

[unearthlychild34]

I am sometimes smart enough to be able to outrun myself. What a gift.

I have had plenty of people ask me why I hold to my religion in an era when it is becoming passé. I can give lots of pretty reasons, ones that are true and that I even believe, ones I think are enough to satisfy them. I was raised in it, it provides a kind of structure I find valuable, society is better when we believe in principles like love, hope, and justice, even simply that I think it’s true.

Then we get deeper, the things I rarely admit out loud. I’ve seen too much to ever successfully shake it off. As Flannery O’Connor and Graham Greene wrote, I know any attempts to outrun it will only circle me back around. Because at its heart, Ive had too many moments when fate could, or perhaps even should have ended differently. Ended with me being dead. Over and over and over again.

As much as I wish it was selfless, at its heart, I am haunted by the idea that I shouldn’t be here, and I need to understand why. There has to be a why. Especially on the nights when my continuing to live feels like a mistake.

Ive spent my whole life being able to see too much, know too much, feel too much. Everywhere I go, I feel like a harbinger, an omen of doom. It is not doom I create, but I continually find myself situated in places right before chaos breaks out, as old things die and new ones must be born out of the still-screaming ashes. I talk to people who have loved people, places, and institutions which have supported them their entire lives, out of which they build families and identities and homes. I can’t understand what that must be like.

Ive been told before that I have a gift for prophecy, of a kind of intimacy with God in communication. It’s rarely felt like a gift.

I recently found a blog which pondered the relationship between God and his prophets. How they often wished for death, an end to the burden. They wondered if this is why God came down, to find out why these beloved ones wanted to die. If he too grows tired of himself sometimes. Im certainly tired, but I don’t know of what.

People ask me what I want from life. All I can do is scream “meaning” into the void and politely smile as I respond “Oh, you know, Im young, Im not really sure.” Because Im not sure I’ll find it. Im falling in love with a woman who suffocates under the mere idea of organized religion as I consider pursuing seminary. I want to go back to school but know my body can’t handle it, my heart can’t handle it. I might go anyway. Im working a job that lets me see beautiful sunrises, be active and work with my hands, but also meaningfully engage my mind and do something genuinely valuable for my community. Someone else would do it if I didn’t. Maybe I could accomplish more as a college professor. Maybe I could accomplish more as a stay-at-home parent. Maybe I could accomplish more if I devoted my life to research, or wrote inspiring books, or worked in a nonprofit setting. Maybe this is the most good I’ll ever do, right here and now.

Maybe I’ll die tomorrow. Maybe it doesn’t actually mean anything. Maybe my existence is both anomaly and unremarkable, and my continuing presence here is also unremarkable. Maybe everyone is better off without me anyway.

But Im not ready to accept that. So all I can do is keep telling myself that I believe in love, hope and justice for a reason. That it does have meaning. And if God does get sick of himself sometimes, that only means that he understands why I feel so nauseous tonight. And maybe I will someday find that meaning. Maybe not. But I won’t find it if I don’t look.

[cantsomeoneelsedoit]

Ch 29: Under

looking like they just won a game show. Enjoy that Corolla, kids!!

Latla whistles for an orca that comes to save her and Rip with its ginormous tongue (another event Chikara will be describing to his therapist someday). We see down it's throat to assure us that, yes, this is a living biological whale and not a secret base disguised as a whale. Very likely to be an UMA, especially since it has too many eyes. I'll bet Latla really hates how it smells inside the mouth.

She tells Fuuko to save her questions for Rip, who definitely isn't gonna die from the hole Andy put straight through his heart, which raises some questions.

And then Fuuko finally says what we've all been wanting to say:

Right? Her hair is a really cute detail. Obviously, the meta reason is that it covers her up, but it also expands the range of her ability.

Plus, it's probably hard to find a way to cut it. Lasers? Chewing it off?

Andy says that his regeneration is coming back, so Rip's ability must have been deactivated. He didn't say Rip is dead though, and Latla said he won't die, either. What's up with that?

Andy reviews how the team worked together and allowed him to take out Rip with his Crimson Bullet. The team decides to keep Chikara's existence a secret from the Union (which I'm really surprised Tatiana agreed to??) and he can decide if he wants to join after a week of normal life.

The week passes instantly, and we see Andy and Fuuko waiting outside of Chikara's school.

I need to get this off my chest. Chikara's friend has big crazy eye vibes. Is this child OK? Too much caffeine? Extra neurotypical? Supposed to be American? Possible UMA This might be a me problem.

Or maybe this kid has Unmove too, bc looking at him chills me to my very soul. Aright, enough about the kid (for now). I'm watching him, though.

And chibi Rip shows up! He still has on the Blade Runner artifact, and he doesn't even have a scar from where Andy shot him.

Rip's got his hands in his pockets and is hardly even looking at them while he talks. He even starts to say that he'd come bearing gifts! It's like he has no idea why they might still be mad at him, and he let all his defenses down.

But both Fuuko and Andy let him know right away that the fight's not over.

Just standing outside the school, punching children.

Rip is so unlike the other characters we've met.

"You're mad at me for stabbing the girl, right?" <- Yes, duh. It almost sounds like he's talking himself through it. "Why are they mad at me? Oh maybe this reason..."

Did he not expect them to be mad? Well, no, not really, because he's not mad, so in his mind, they shouldn't be either.

Next, he minimizes the fact that Fuuko could've died. Saying "my bad" is for when you accidentally stepped on someone's shoe, not when you attacked them and their friends.

Next, he removes himself further from responsibility by blaming Fuuko for jumping in front of Chikara. It's still his knife that he threw! And besides, if she hadn't stepped in and the knife had killed Chikara, would he still not understand why they're mad at him?

But Andy has him by the collar right now, and as far as we know, Rip is unarmed. He has no idea what they'll do next. He tries to smooth things over by apologizing to Fuuko. "How's the wound? All right, I hope?"

The apology catches Fuuko off guard: "Huh? Uh, yeah. Mr. Ni- Err... I mean, a nice doctor patched me up."

"Ah, Gotcha! Good to hear! Sorry about that!" What?? Is it really so easy for Rip to just flipflop friends and enemies all the time like that?

And since he feels that he's smoothed everything over with Fuuko, Rip continues explaining why he's come.

I think this is the 4th artifact we've seen: Apocalypse, Nyoi Kinko Staff, Blade Runner, and this gun, which causes terrible visions the first time it's held.

Rip says that the image is of God. If that's true, then this is a damn terrifying God. There's also these fire beings doing most of the work while God just looms there.

But there's more! Rip says that the goal of his group is to rule the world in the years prior to the end of the world. Very Mad Max of him.

Then he adds something cryptic:

He finally gives a name to the Negator Hunters: UNDER

I'm a little concerned about putting Rip in charge of deciding what's fair...

He again offers Fuuko and Andy spots in Under, but they decline. He leaves, and poor Chikara walks up in time to hear the end of their conversation.

Masterpost

#overreading undead unluck #undead unluck #undead unluck spoilers

[shivunin]

Hullo!

Here's some characters for you too!

Sera, Flemeth and Anora :3

Thank you, Arja! 💗Ooh these were interesting ones c:

(Character Ask thing)

Sera

First impression: Alas, at first glance I thought she was a manic pixie dream girl.

Impression now: Soooo much more depth than anyone gives her credit for. So much internal tension and so many contradictions. I think her struggle with her own identity as an elf is so fascinating, especially through the lens of the way she talks to a Lavellan at the beginning of the game vs the things she says in Trespasser. The way she talks about the "little people" is so necessary and at odds with the opinions of the rest of the inner circle, her relationship with Dagna is precious to me, and some of the things she says to a befriended Inquisitor during Trespasser bring me to tears. I don't know that she will ever be one of my favorite characters, but I respect and love her anyways. So glad she is a companion.

Favorite moment: Her monologue after the Winter Palace is soooo good, I love it every time.

Idea for a story: Hmm I've thought about writing some things about her and Elowen, actually, because I think their dynamic is interesting. They love each other, they don't want to be around each other, when they're sad they want to hang out, Sera gets her drunk when she's being mopey...they're a hot mess and at some point I'm going to explore it better. Eventually.

Unpopular opinion: Errr idk. I think Sera fans have big brains and nuanced opinions (from my limited exposure). I'm not sure what the popular opinions are?

Favorite relationship: Sera and Dorian. They have some of the funniest dialogue, and though the companions do not exist solely to entertain me (or, wait, i guess they do) the dynamic between these two is so goddamn funny.

They fascinate me

Favorite headcanon: Idk how much is headcanon and how much is canon, but this is twofold: 1) Sera takes the painted box from you in Origins for the Jennies and 2) when Amethyne (the little girl sitting on the ground in the alienage, whose mom dies in the Cousland origin) talks about Sara going away she is actually talking about Sera and they were besties before Sera was adopted by human woman (whose name escapes me)

Flemeth

First impression: OH MY GOD??? AND SHE TURNS INTO A DRAGON?? WHO THE FUCK IS THIS LADY? SURELY SHE MUST BE A MAIN CHARACTER (and then she wasn't)

Impression now: Terrible mother, but oh my god is she serving cunt

Favorite moment: The scene between her, Morrigan, and Keiran. I just think it's an illuminating aspect of the dynamic between the three of them.

Idea for a story: Hmmmmm so....someday I might go back to the Scourge of Sundermount AU and if I ever do there will be a sort of apprenticeship thing with her and Ilriane. Otherwise, I don't necessarily feel the urge to write her.

Unpopular opinion: I think her weird, cryptic manner of speaking in Origins is hilarious and I wish she kept doing it.

Favorite relationship: I mean, limited options, right? Morrigan by default (we see so little of her and Solas/Fen'Harel). Very fucked up dynamic. Morrigan becoming the mother she never had is *chef's kiss* so good though.

Favorite headcanon: She taught Morrigan to talk Like That on purpose because it reminded her of a more familiar time OR for the lols. Her speech patterns aren't super similar in 2 or Inquisition, so it seems like an intentional affectation to me.

Anora (Arja, if you love Anora, I am so sorry in advance)

First impression: Oh, interesting! I guess maybe she's supposed to represent the conflict between having power, keeping it, and doing what's best for the country. I wonder if she'll act against her dad on the Wardens' behalf. Also, great outfit/nice hair.

Impression now: :/ Unfortunately, I take fictional betrayals very personally, so my opinion is clouded by blind rage at being sold out to Cauthrien and then again at the Landsmeet. I'll leave it at that.

Favorite moment: When Loghain is about to die and he says the thing about her being a little girl with skinned knees and for a moment she is just a daughter watching her father about to die. Extremely effective moment of storytelling.

Idea for a story: Well! If I finish writing the scene where Wen breaks her out, Anora will inevitably be there. So probably that.

Unpopular opinion: Oh geez. Well. Idk what the prevailing opinion on Anora is because most of the people I follow seem to like her in general. It's unpopular with myself that I dislike her so intensely, if that isn't a total cop-out to say? She's all the things I usually find compelling (calculating, kind of heartless, extremely competent) and yet...in my first playthrough she fucked me over so thoroughly that I can't get past it or see her any other way. She cannot girlboss, gatekeep, or gaslight her way out of pissing me off.

Favorite relationship: Her and Loghain. No idea what's going on there, but I want to squish them into a glass slide and look at them under a microscope.

Favorite headcanon: 😬 (Again, I'm sorry if you like her, but in my head Zev kills her post-game to avoid any succession issues and as a gift to Wen, who promised Alistair she wouldn't do anything herself. Not that it was a "won't somebody rid me of this upstart priest" situation; I think he also took Anora getting Wen thrown in prison personally, so it's sort of a win-win for him. So by Awakening she is definitely dead; that's the headcanon. But really she poses an issue to succession if she's not queen or dead, because she refuses to forfeit a right to the crown)

#ask response #ask game response #anora critical #(again: so sorry if you love her. but one of wen's only fears is being confined and she did that to wen. #it doesn't matter that it was indirect as far as zevran or wen are concerned) #also apologies to sera for not trying harder to understand her at first that one was on me #and of course flemth is a gilf i'm just gonna say it

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios University

“So what brings you by?” Adrian asked casually as Roman sat beside him. “I don’t really get visitors here.”

Roman frowned a little at just how casually Adrian spoke about his presumed death, but if anyone got to comment on being dead, he supposed Adrian had earned it.

“I don’t know,” Roman answered honestly. “I think I’m dead. I mean, I must be to be talking to you, but I don’t know how I got here. My mom was draining energy from me and Abe and then suddenly, I was stuck in the past and some kind of ward or sigil opened up and brought me here. Is there like a map or something that they give you here to know where you are? Why isn’t Abe here too? Is he still alive or is he not demon enough to end up here if he died?”

“I’m not sure,” Adrian replied honestly, leaning closer to his ex-husband. “I never got any informational pamphlets or anything when I got here. I’ve never even seen my parents or grandparents here, even though I assume they’re dead too.”

Roman nodded sadly and Adrian let out a weary sigh.

“Ah, that sucks. I mean, I figured as much, but that’s rough. I wanted the girls to know their grandparents and where they came from but now Grandma and Grandpa are just going to be portraits on the wall.”

“You know about the twins?” Roman asked curiously. “I mean, we knew that you were pregnant with twin girls, but you know that they survived?They were born after you...passed. If you haven’t seen your parents, how do you know they weren’t dead too?”

Adrian shot Roman a playful smile that would have melted Roman’s resistance and made him weak in the knees if he wasn’t dead.

“Well, I did say that I don’t often get visitors here,” Adrian laughed, his eyes sparkling with secret knowledge. “Honey, come say hi to Daddy.”

“What?”

Roman looked behind him, only to see his young daughter, Adrienne, standing on the sand behind him, looking sheepish. He immediately reached for her, trying to see where she’d been injured in order to be dead like her parents.

“Addy! Oh my god, what happened? How are you- I need to fix this! Tell me how to fix this!”

While Roman started hyperventilating, Adrian reached out to massage his shoulder in support.

“Hey, she’s fine. Our daughter is just fine,” he reassured Roman. “She comes to see me pretty regularly and you’ve never seen her die before. She’s got a gift. I always thought that Theo was going to be the child we would have to worry about when he became a teenager, but it turns out that his sister is just as trouble prone as he is.”

“You have no idea,” Roman muttered, still worriedly scanning his daughter for injury. “That kid is going to be the death of me someday.”

He paused, thinking about his choice of words.

“Oh, I guess not if I’m already dead.” He groaned, suddenly too aware of his mortality and his lack of planning. “Oh god, who’s going to raise the kids now that I’m dead and I assume Abe is too. Lucy? Elaine? My mother? There’s no one to stop my mother from kidnapping the kids and using some twisted blood magic on them. Or the sovereign! She probably has Theo and Luci now and is planning some kind of scheme with them. I can’t be dead, the kids need me too badly! How do I protect them from here?”

Instead of acknowledging Roman’s breakdown, Adrian shared a knowing look with his daughter.

“I can see that your dad hasn’t changed,” he joked, earning a smile from his daughter. “He spends too much time worrying about controlling all the variables of his future, only to realize that he can’t control them all. He’s already forgotten that you visit here often and return to the living plane just fine. You can pass on a message to anyone your dad needs to talk to.”

“And how is that exactly?” Roman demanded, still fighting against a rising panic attack. “I’m new to this whole being dead thing. Why is my toddler walking across planes of existence? That doesn’t seem safe. How am I supposed to raise a son who teleports wherever he wants to in the middle of the night and a daughter who apparently visits the dead on a whim? I mean, how was I supposed to, now  that I’m apparently dead too!”

“Yeah, it takes some getting used to,” Adrian remarked dryly, watching his daughter splash around in the waves at their feet. “Look, I’m sure that we can figure something out. Maybe Abe’s not dead. We can see if Adrienne can find him. To tell the truth, I just assumed that your grandmother was a fraud, but if our daughter’s talents truly come from your family, we shouldn’t underestimate her.”

“Oh, my grandmother was many things,” Roman sighed. “A fraud isn’t one of them. I don’t know how or why Addy has these gifts, Grandma always said I was mediocre at best at everything spiritual. Is this some kind of astral projection? An out of body experience for her?”

“How did this happen?” he asked, dreading the answer. “Why is a dead human this far in the Void? How did a toddler project herself here? Does the sovereign know about this?”

“This is my problem. Well, I guess it’s technically both of our problem. My intuition is never wrong about demons.”

The Grim Reaper grimaced at the scene before him. One dead man, one dying man and a living toddler projecting herself in a realm that none of them should be in. Gee's step-parent certainly made sure that his job was interesting

“She might,” Lukas replied honestly. “I have no idea of what she’s been scheming. This does seem rather dull for one of her schemes though, I’m tempted to attribute this to a lesser demon. The man’s mother maybe. I recently dealt with her.”

“Don’t tell me anymore,” Gee pleaded. He could feel the start of a headache coming on. “I need plausible deniability if Dad asks.”

“Well, you said that I was to prevent any unauthorized deaths when resolving this situation, and I’m trying my best. Look at your tablet for Mr. Bellamy. I don’t  know what yours says, but my records have him destined to live past this week. How much longer do you think he’s going to last this deep in the Void? I’d say another day, max. And the deceased husband? Murdered by exposure to the Void. Their two daughters? Exposed in utero. They barely survived and their father has been trapped here, completely isolated. He wasn’t properly processed and introduced to the afterlife, causing considerable suffering for him. Your father won’t be pleased to hear about this slip up.”

“Demons. It’s always the demons and their god damn god complexes,” Gee muttered to himself. “I’ve never had this problem with vampires or plantsims. Demons just love to make my life miserable. Well? What’s your scheme to fix this? I know you have at least one you’re dying to try.”

Lukas smiled and snapped their fingers, producing an ancient book that radiated powerful energy.

“I’m glad you asked. Mr. Bellamy’s body is still alive, waiting for the return of his soul. I send it back so his mind/body connection remains intact and he doesn’t die before his time. The daughter will keep coming back to the Void as long as her father is here, so we release him from this trap and that solves that problem.”

“And? I feel like you’re leading to something far more complicated than escorting two lost souls home. What’s your scheme now?”

“Making things right,” they replied, gesturing at the impressive book. “Duke Adrian Siew wasn’t supposed to die for decades, it’s right there in the log. Upon his wrongful death, he was trapped away from his loved ones in the Void, a place that nearly cost his children their lives and stripped one of them of their genetic abilities. This family has suffered for our failures and I intend to fix it.”

“Stripped them of what powers? What have you done?”

“I’m really not dead? You can save me? What about Abe?”

“Uh....”

Gee waved sheepishly at the pair of mortals now staring awkwardly at the supernatural pair. Lukas tried to look startled at the intrusion, but didn’t quite hide their satisfaction in time. This was a trap designed to tug at the heart strings of the Grim  Reaper. His father may not feel moved by the plight of a young family, but Gee was soft at heart. Reuniting broken families was a cause he firmly believed in.

“Oops, I guess we were too loud,” Lukas said coyly. “Though I suppose that it’s only fair that you know the truth about your own lives. None of you are supposed to be here. Duke Siew is supposed to be living, or at the very least in the proper afterlife. Mr. Bellamy should be at home, praising a certain deity for disassembling his mother piece by piece and both of your daughters should be happily embraced by the famous Bellamy family for their remarkable gifts.”

“I don’t understand, what’s wrong with my daughters?”

“My mother is what? What the hell does disassembled mean?”

Both Adrian and Roman stared in shock at the two deities, each unable to comprehend what was being said.

“Yes, I’d like an explanation about the disassembling too please,” Gee sighed, rubbing his temples. “You said no unauthorized-”

“She’s not dead,” Lukas scoffed, rolling their eyes. “She’s very much alive, just...in several places at once. The sky has a whole new constellation, so your mother will always be there watching over you. That’ll be about all she can do. Ever again.”

“As for your daughters, they weren’t supposed to be exposed to the Void. Their demonic heritage protected them somewhat, but look at her. She’s thriving between planes of existence, visiting places she has no business being. Someone had to have shielded her in utero from the worst of the Void. For one twin to be so gifted and the other so unremarkable, I have my suspicions about what caused that.”

“Luci!” Adrienne supplied, looking excited to be included in the conversation.

“Probably,” Lukas replied, ignoring the look their step son was giving them. “Well, anyway, I should probably send the people still supposed to be living back to the proper realm. Unless there’s any objections? I’ve never seen any paperwork filed on Duke Siew’s death and reviving his physical body is well within my ability. Gee?”

The Grim Reaper paused to consider his options. This entire mess was going to mean a lot of paperwork, but he couldn’t deny the warm feeling in his chest when he watched Adrian hold onto his daughter. He was a family sim; the decision had already been made the instant he learned it was a possibility.

“Take them home,” he ordered, beaming with satisfaction. “If Dad asks, I’ll defend it. Children need their fathers, something he would know if he’d bothered to be around for me. I don’t see any paperwork here that says they have to stick around here. They’re free to go home.”

Lukas waved their hand and the two young men and their daughter vanished from sight, presumably reappearing in their home country unharmed. They would need to follow up on how the young family was doing in the coming days, but Lukas felt confident that with both Life and Death’s approval, none of the demons would be bold enough to challenge the decision.

“For the record, I did lead the Bellamy boy here myself,” Lukas confessed to their stepson. Gee didn’t look surprised to hear this information.

“I figured as much. Maybe next time, give me a little warning before you rush to sweeping judgements, okay? I’m not thrilled to hear that people are slipping through the cracks of the system, but I can’t interfere in every demon screw-up. We should be making the sovereign clean up her people’s messes and if she won’t, we need to find a candidate who will.”

“Oh, trust me, I have some thoughts about that.” 

#sims 2 #arkhelios university #arkhelios #Roman Bellamy #adrian siew #sim: adrian siew #Adrienne Bellamy #sim: Adrienne Bellamy #sims 2 pictures #lukas lane

[lucky-clover-gazette]

For short fic prompts, maybe Vio and Shadow at a fancy event and they are hiding away somewhere because Vio is being antisocial. Mayhaps it leads to...... kisses 😳

If you wanted to do a modern AU you could have the classic hiding in the bathroom during a house party

i like how i said "short fic," and by no fault of anon, proceeded to crank out 1926 words. my first vidow fic! also on ao3. gotta say, i'd recommend ao3 because they have functional line breaks.

It does strike Vio how bizarre this situation truly is: the same maniac who once personally ordered his execution and nearly destroyed the land of Hyrule, is now sleeping peacefully in his lap. Snoring softly. Contentedly. The guy who once told Vio that he was his first and only friend, the only person he ever trusted, only for Vio to betray him stone-cold and watch him die. That person is currently laying in his lap, defenseless, trusting him to stay.

Read it under the cut:

Shadow feels like an idiot standing around with two glasses. It’s been almost twenty minutes since Vio asked him to get the drinks, and he’s been posted up in the corner of this ridiculously ornate ballroom ever since. 

The ball was Zelda’s idea, an annual event to memorialize the Hero Hyrule lost and celebrate the four (five?) it gained. So naturally, both Vio and Shadow were named guests of honor, and therefore obligated to attend. 

Shadow likes parties enough, despite the awkwardness of it all. It’s only been a few months since everything happened—the four’s decision to stay divided in the sanctuary, Vio’s restoration of the mirror, and Shadow’s resurrection—and for the most part, things are weirdly okay. Most people seem to believe that it was only Vaati and Ganon causing the mass destruction Shadow totally did for them, thank you very much, but he can’t complain when the others cared enough to protect his identity. The only people who know first-hand what Shadow did are Zelda, the four, and the castle knights… but of course rumors spread. Random Hylians must have gotten glances of Shadow atop his dragon, raining fire on the countryside. Shadow wonders if they noticed Vio there, too. 

Anyway, the party isn’t that awkward. All things considered, Shadow’s getting off way too easy for all of the, you know, atrocities. He can handle a few weird looks and rude comments, although resisting the urge to be antagonistic right back is a challenge. Not because the criticism is undeserved, but because Shadow thinks it’s fun to be antagonistic. 

It also doesn’t hurt that Vio is almost always by his side. Despite everything that happened between them, quiet coexistence is surprisingly easy. The living arrangements weren’t even a question when Vio brought Shadow back from the void—it was pretty much a ‘stray cat being brought in from the cold’ kind of deal. Which by the way do not exist in the dark world, and now that he knows cats are a thing, Shadow makes sure to say hello to every single feline he meets. If there was a contest of who could greet, say, twenty cats at the quickest pace, Shadow would easily win that heart piece.

It’s not perfect, though, between him and Vio—they’ve barely discussed the betrayal and fallout, or really anything that happened between them at all prior to Shadow’s death. The first thing Vio said to Shadow after the resurrection was “I’m sorry,” but he has yet to elaborate even months later. 

Shadow channels his apologies into nearly everything he does these days, both around Vio and the rest of Hyrule. The words themselves just haven’t found their moment. Surely someday they will. 

For now, Shadow is perfectly content sharing their tiny cottage at the edge of town, fulfilling their respective duties in the restoration of greater Hyrule. And whether they like it or not, showing up to this ball is one of those duties. And Vio appears to have, for lack of gentler words, totally fucking bailed. 

Beverages still in hand, Shadow straightens from his leaning position against the wall and scans the ballroom for an exit. He recalls which particular doorway leads deeper into the castle from a, uh, very different visit to this location, and makes a beeline through the crowd. 

It shouldn’t be too hard to track Vio down. After all, Shadow’s had plenty of practice. 

~~~

Vio found the castle library about twenty minutes ago, but you could have fooled him. 

Usually, lacking the Hero’s memories is a burden in Vio’s practical life—but in instances like this, it’s magical. Surely the Hero stepped foot inside this library before his dissolution, but Vio is seeing it for the very first time. The world could be on fire right now and he wouldn’t notice. In fact, a little warmth would be rather cozy as he sinks his teeth into these heavy historical volumes.  

“I should have guessed,” a voice says from the doorframe. Vio glances up from the first book he grabbed—The Legend of Groose, whoever that is—and grimaces at the person he sees. 

“Shit,” Vio says, shutting the book in his lap. “I found the bathroom, I swear, but then on the way back I just… got a little distracted.” 

Vio still isn’t quite sure what to expect from Shadow in terms of emotional response. It’s clear that Shadow has been putting a lot of work into his own stability, but still… Vio tries to be careful. He would try to elaborate on this cautionary urge, but something always holds him back—the same thing that holds him back from discussing most urges related to Shadow. 

Luckily, in this instance at least, Shadow doesn’t appear to be upset. He places one glass on the table beside the couch and clutches the other as he plops down beside Vio. 

“Careful around the books,” Vio lectures, taking a sip from his glass. “Is this… not root beer?” 

“Apparently they’re out since we, y’know, pillaged the place, so I had to settle for wine instead.” 

Vio gives Shadow a small smile and drinks again. “Probably not the most morally upright thing to hoard our supply, given how it was acquired, but I just can’t bring myself to return it.”

“Cheers to that,” Shadow says, raising his glass. “We almost successfully took over the world, and all we got was a dumb cellar full of evil root beer.” 

They say cheers and it’s not the first time. Vio wonders if Shadow’s experiencing the same deja vu. If he is, he doesn’t show it. 

“You’re in a good mood,” Vio observes, shifting towards the end of the couch to give Shadow more space to spread out. If there’s one thing about Shadow, it’s that he will drape himself onto any surface in the most dramatic, ridiculous way possible. 

“What can I say?” Shadow shrugs, contorting his body in a way that cannot possibly be comfortable. “Parties are fun. Although I’m gathering, not your thing.” 

“I’m still figuring out what my ‘things’ are, honestly. I’ve only really existed as me for half a year.”

“So does that make you a baby?” Shadow teases, flicking Vio’s hat. From the start, Shadow has always seemed perfectly comfortable invading Vio’s personal space. What once felt startling (but not unwelcome) is now just the norm. “Probably should be taking that wine from you, then, junior.” 

Vio holds his glass out of Shadow’s reach. “No take. My wine.”

“Wow, now you’re even talking like a baby. How the mightily pretentious have fallen.”

“Seems like you’ve taken my place, with a phrase like “how the mightily pretentious have fallen,’” Vio quips, opening his book up again. 

Shadow takes the cue, leaning back and elevating his legs on the coffee table. His boots make a loud thump against the wood.

Since the split, Vio has noticed that each iteration of the hero has developed their own personal style. For Shadow, that includes heavy lace-up boots that take him fifteen minutes to unequip every. single. time. For Blue, it was a buzz cut. Red and Green are using new pronouns. Vio is by far the least inspired, but he is growing out his hair. It’s finally long enough to put in a little ponytail when he reads… although his bangs still get in the way. 

It’s fine, though, right now. Vio’s mind refuses to stick to the page. Instead, he struggles to understand why in the world Shadow would abandon a fancy ball to lounge silently beside him as he fake-reads dusty old books. 

Time passes; maybe not for Vio, but he can tell it’s wearing on Shadow. His yawn is so indescribably pleasant, and yet again Vio wonders why the hell he would even think something like that. It’s a yawn. He didn’t even get to see Shadow’s crinkled nose and biiiig stretch and fascinatingly monstrous teeth as it happened— 

Vio puts down the wine. 

“You can go back, you know,” he tells Shadow gently, mustering a reassuring smile. 

“I don’t need to,” Shadow says, eyelids drooping almost cartoonishly. “We did the guest of honor stuff at the banquet already, and besides, wine apparently makes me sleepy.” 

“We could go home,” Vio begins, but then groans. “No, we can’t, because of the—” 

“Wine, yep, not very safe to travel without our wits about us. Who knows what kind of strange encounters we could have in the woods.” 

Vio chuckles and Shadow does a weak fist-pump in the air. 

“Uh, you good?” 

“I made you laugh. Scooore.” 

Vio cocks his head. “You make me laugh all the time.”

“I know, but you usually try to hide it.” 

Well. 

He’s not wrong. 

“I’m sorry,” Vio says, and he isn’t sure why. 

“I know,” Shadow replies, his eyes drooping shut. “You told me that already, when you brought me back to life.” 

“Yeah, but I just… yeah.”

Shadow yawns again, and Vio’s brain struggles to find the words and wisdom he so desperately needs.

“Don’t stress yourself out,” Shadow says. He can’t even see Vio’s face, but he can just tell how he’s feeling. Hasn’t he always, though? “We have all the time in the world to figure this out.” 

Shadow’s serene expression makes something happen in Vio’s chest, because what he says is so simple yet so true. And Vio feels hopeful about this, whatever this is, in a way that’s terrified him since he first encountered Shadow in those woods. 

“Read your books, nerd,” Shadow murmurs. “I’mma just take a little nap.” 

“Okay.” 

“Don’t go anywhere, though.” 

“I won’t.” 

And Shadow dozes off, and Vio is finally able to read, and everything is calm and normal until gravity does its work and Shadow’s precarious juxtaposition fails to support his limp, sleeping body. 

In other words, his head falls right into Vio’s lap. 

Gingerly, Vio lifts Shadow’s head and slides a pillow beneath it. He doesn’t, however, even attempt to change his position. Shadow’s unpredictable, Vio reminds himself; who knows how he’d react to a rude awakening? 

It does strike Vio how bizarre this situation truly is: the same maniac who once personally ordered his execution and nearly destroyed the land of Hyrule, is now sleeping peacefully in his lap. Snoring softly. Contentedly. The guy who once told Vio that he was his first and only friend, the only person he ever trusted, only for Vio to betray him stone-cold and watch him die. That person is currently laying in his lap, defenseless, trusting him to stay. 

He does his best to focus on the historical volume, but Vio finds himself absently running a hand through Shadow’s hair. He’s always meant to ask about the purple, actually—does he dye it? Probably not, given the lack of blonde roots. 

Vio is… oddly comforted by that. He likes that Shadow isn’t nearly identical to the Hero, like the others and Vio used to be. Really, the more time passes, the less they resemble each other, or him, at all. 

Should he be touching Shadow like this? How’d he even end up stroking his hair in the first place? Why didn’t he just move Shadow’s stupid head off of his stupid lap back when the stupid idiot fell into it?

Shadow sneezes in his sleep, an objectively scientifically adorable event, and Vio’s eyes go wide. Because of a sneeze.

For once, Vio doesn’t overthink it. He sets aside his book, pushes the hair out of Shadow’s face, and plants a kiss on his forehead.

He can’t know for certain, but he thinks he sees a smile. 

#vidow #four swords #vio link #shadow link #four swords manga #my writing #fs #vio x shadow

[girlvinland]

I have so many emotions every day. I’ll have moments when I’m content or even feeling joyful, but then a huge wave of guilt or sadness or resentment will wash over me. I know it’s normal, so I have to just let it happen and let it go.

Yesterday I was listening to an older woman talk about how she didn’t start understanding her sexuality until she was 56, and that from there it took another 8-10 years of working on being okay with it bc of the things she’d done in life (marriage, kids, and all that), and bc of her own internalized homophobia. I felt like I related so much, even though I’m not as old as her, even though I haven’t chosen to do those things, and even though we’ve had different journeys (she said she’d never questioned her sexuality before then, which is a hard thing for me to understand, but I know it’s different for older generations).

I had things I always knew about in myself as a teenager and even as a child, but then something would always push me back from being okay with it. I think I was 23-25 when I finally started slowly putting my toes in the water more, even though the thing that persisted in my mind was always “no, you can’t do this. What would your parents think? Dad wants a son-in-law he can do things with. Mom wants a grandchild that she is related to. They want this one life for you that they envisioned, so just stick with the program until someday you can be free from their expectations.” And it’s really sad that someday would always = when my parents are no longer here. With that knowledge, how long would this need to be endured? It’s sad that so many other people have felt like this, too.

My guilt doesn’t all stem from that, though. I had been in a relationship with someone for so long, to the point of becoming engaged because we felt so much pressure to do it, and bc it felt safe. Plus, the idea of a wedding is often so fun and exciting, it’s hard to not get all wrapped up in that. I’m lucky that this person has always treated me with so much kindness and respect, I don’t know if I could have learned to accept myself so much otherwise, because they encouraged my self-exploration so much, and never with any judgment. So when I’ve taken these dips into the water, I’ve had to consider how badly it must still hurt them, how badly it must have hurt to have been on the other side of this. The only consolation is knowing that we both made the decision to stay due to comfort/stagnation/safety/etc. And now, we both want the best for one another. It is a weird journey, but maybe it’s not that abnormal, either. It helps when there are mutual understandings and few hard feelings.

I used to imagine life as a really big peak to climb, like you’d just keep making decisions to go up and up and up. Graduate high school. Go to college. Find someone. Get a job. Get married. Have kids. Stay at your job. See kids have kids. Retire. Die.

I’ve realized it’s not like that at all, that it’s not one big peak, but rather a series of hills, and I see it in myself and in my family and friends- we all make choices, but the choices can always change. Nothing is permanent, no rule book has to be followed (bc no rule book actually exists). You can change your mind at any time. Even if it hurts, even if it hurts other people. Of course, I think trying to diminish the hurt is usually a very good thing to do, even if it can’t always be done.

But I am so tired of this whole life skeleton that seems to be so set in place for everyone to adhere to. And I couldn’t keep using the sunk-cost fallacy to justify my decisions like, well, I’ve been doing this for this long, so I can’t turn around now. I could always turn around, I always can. Everyone can. I’ve watched my mom change her career completely in her 40s-50s. I’ve seen friends get divorced in their late twenties after realizing marriage or the person they were with wasn’t right for them, but they hadn’t had the knowledge to know that before. I’ve seen people like the woman I mentioned earlier, who discovered more about their identities later than expected.

Each day I become more accepting of the idea that change is possible and even expected, and I feel more and more okay with throwing the weird life rule book into the water. I was losing myself so much by trying to stick to it, but now I know I don’t have to do that any longer. I’ve had a lot lately going on outside of all of this, but the moments I can reflect on it get easier each time. My self-acceptance grows stronger each time. It’s still extremely hard some days, but I don’t fear it so much anymore.

#by bug #idk reflecting but it got long

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

i’ve had people in my notes lately reviving a lot of my edits from the doctor blake mysteries, and that’s been fun because tdbm is one of the fandoms i reread my own fanfic for recently (and i wrote so much of it, my gosh). but then i realized somebody was looking for an outtake video from the show, and i couldn’t remember if i might have a copy along with the series itself, so i figured it was worth looking through my collection--and then i couldn’t find the show! 

i have multiple storage drives where i keep videos for gifmaking or rewatching (or future watching, now that corporations like to blackhole existing series before i get to them) and i looked through all of them yesterday, and as far as i can tell, i no longer have copies of tdbm. i know i must have had them before! because i did make gifs! but there’s no evidence i ever had them, now. 

idk if i deleted the show once i decided i was done with the fandom, or if they only existed on an old computer of mine--i’ve had a couple die in the past and been left computerless for long stretches, right in the middle of gif projects. but if past me got rid of my high quality copies, current me thinks that was really dumb, because recent developments have made it a lot harder to find good downloads...especially of niche shows or shows that aren’t still airing.

and since reading my old fanfic convinced me that i do want to go back to the doctor blake mysteries someday, to finish out WIPs and fill prompts i’ve saved for all this time, it’s disheartening to not have the show waiting for me in my hoard of other old faves. (i stepped away from tdbm for a reason, but i realized as i reread my fic that i would be able to enjoy it now, since what i still love about it is completely untouched by what poisoned it for me.)

anyway, now i’m trying to cobble together copies of all the seasons and desperately hoping the versions i’m able to find will be watchable quality. really pretty versions may be too much to hope for? but if i can get the show at all, i’ll consider that a success.

#losing rarbg really made giffing harder though i understand why they're gone #technology #tdbm #fun with photoshop #randomness

[nikoadari]

A Squirrel and a Tree

She sat near motionless, staring at something outside her window. A squirrel in a tree, balanced on the end of a branch, nibbling on the last vestiges of nutrients the near bare limbs could provide. Eat, its little brain must be telling it. Eat everything before the winter chill comes and you must sleep.

It dropped one, two, too many scraps of maple helicopters to count to the leaf-carpeted floor, but her eyes didn’t follow their journey through the cold air, even as they spun in circles.

Her eyes stayed on the squirrel’s tiny round form. It was so…simple. So small. Its back and tail were gray, and its stomach was tan, and its nose twitched whenever it paused to sniff the dry air. It would die within five years, as these squirrels do, not even the blink of an eye for the world at large. By a predator or a car or old age, who knew? It would die eventually, with perhaps a few trees as its total contribution to the planet it lived on.

But it wasn’t dead yet. For now, it was alive. I knew she could barely distinguish the difference between these states in her head. All time seemed endless to her, at once never-ending and never existing at all. Whether it lived or died, whether she cried from joy or despair, it was all the same. And always happening all at once.

The squirrel’s fluffy tail flashed as it crawled to another branch, furred hands grasping and snatching and stuffing the tiny brown helicopters into its mouth. The maple tree held it, not trying, barely growing, losing more as the creature took from it. This tree had grown with her into a young adult. Born barely two years after her own birth, it now held more limbs than either of their years, as tall as any young maple tree could grow, straight and true into the pale blue sky. Its leaves, green, then red, then orange before they fell, were her seasonal clock standing just outside her bedroom window.

The squirrel was still there, chewing on the clock like it didn’t care for philosophies or analogies or whatever I thought or said. It didn’t care. It was a squirrel.

Her eyes closed. They must have become dry, or perhaps the sun had become too bright for her to continue staring. Whatever the reason, she closed her eyes and turned her head away from the window. What did she see, I thought, behind her closed eyes? Was she still looking at the squirrel, or the tree as it would be in less than a month; a frozen skeleton of its former self, covered in ice and snow?

Or was it something more innocuous? Her tea gone cold in her favorite mug, or words from her books describing creatures that existed only in novels and the imaginations of those who wrote them? She was thinking of something. Her thoughts never stopped, she’d told me once, never quieted enough to let her know blessed silence. Knowing her, I believed it. I wondered if she was thinking, then, about her and the squirrel together. Comparing them. She liked comparisons and contrasts. She used them all the time in her rare instances of speech.

If she was, I thought she would first compare complexities. She was a complex being, unlike the squirrel, in both body and mind. She was multifaceted and would live twenty times as long as it ever would. Her brain was larger, faster, and she held the burden of higher thought.

Yet she, too, felt the effects of the coming cold. She huddled inside and grew a little rounder each day, waiting for the chill of autumn to become the bitter sting of winter. She would exist in a cycle, and though she would influence it a great deal more than a squirrel could if she wanted to, she would still die someday in the world’s grip.

She continued to sit, and sit, and sit, eyes closed as she thought or dreamed or planned. She sighed. I raised my head a little, wondering if she would speak today. She clasped her hands together and opened her eyes. I expected her to say something, make something of her actions. But she didn’t. She simply stood and walked away, without even a glance towards the window.

I watched her leave the room before looking out to find the squirrel. It had already left, and the maple tree stood alone.

#drama #kind of #philosophy #nature writing #black woman writer #black writer #bipoc authors #bipoc writers #black trans writer #trans writers #trans author #black authors #autistic author #black autistic author #author #women writers #creative writing #nikoadariwrites #my writing #writing #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #queer writers #patreon

[bittersweet--chaos]

here are the quotes, feel free to place characters with quotes and make silly/serious situations they’d be said in:

“they may have no names, but there’s an identity to be acknowledged.”

“if i walk into hell i want it to be blazing, not lukewarm”

“one day you’ll decompose and i’ll be there to watch it happen”

“why would you blame the people reaching for heaven instead of the god who cursed them?”

“if no art makes you feel anything, make your own art and feel something”

“god may judge you but his sins outnumber your own”

“someday you will have to answer for your actions and god may not be so merciful”

“you cannot kill me in a way that matters”

“decay exists as an extant form of life”

“she hadn’t kissed freedom only to die before she could fuck it”

“if you go knocking on enough doors asking to see the devil, eventually he may answer”

“you’re not satan, your god. satan kills far too fewer people”

“The bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in Hell, yet here you are, limbo dancing with the devil”

“one day you’ll be face to face with whatever saw fit to let you exist in the universe and you’ll have to justify the space you’ve filled”

“if gods can bleed, gods can die”

“the fruits of the earth do not exist to be worth something to us”

“baby every me is me, we are the mask and the wearer”

“i wade through honey-rich excess while you starve of your own volition”

“in a game of no consequences, why do you still play the ‘good’ side?” - “because being mean makes me feel bad”

“we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it”

“you’ve opened this can of worms, now lie in it”

“darkness without light is an abyss, light without darkness is blinding, you cannot have a coin with one side.”

“i survived because i burned my ancestors”

“the stars don’t care who i am or what i do, i owe the universe nothing, i exist on my own terms”

“the version of me you created in your mind is not my responsibility”

“my body may be a temple but i am the god to whom it is devoted; do not presume to tell me how i may decorate my altar”

“the intelligence of animals is measured by how willing they are to obey the commands or humans” - “same goes for students”

“the anger in your heart warms you now, but will leave you cold in your grave”

“even the ground wouldn’t want him to rot in it”

“if you didn’t want to die, then why were you born?”

“when i leave you will understand why storms are named after people”

“did you forget that beasts have claws and teeth”

“lions do not loose sleep over the opinion of sheep”

“freedom is a length of rope and god wants you to hang yourself with it”

“it’s not that deep” - “maybe not, but the ground is soft and i’m ready to dig”

“i’d rather die standing than live kneeling”

“you could sooner divert a river from its course than deny my nature”

“you can’t shake the devils hand and say you’re only kidding”

“do you think god stays in heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he’s created?”

“pick a god and pray”

“i’ll do whatever you want” - “then perish”

“i will face god and walk backwards into hell”

“all knowledge is based on that which we cannot prove, will you fight? or will you perish like a dog?”

“in whatever manner it comes to be, love is never wrong, especially between one who has so much of it to give, and one so desperately in need of it”

“we deserve a soft epilogue my love”

“those who have no gods or kin to aid them must rely on themselves”

“only bare your teeth if you’re willing to get blood on them”

“our paths may have crossed briefly, but you still had the misfortune of knowing me”

“you bury a seed not because it looks nice in the dirt, but because the limbs that branch out will look nice in the sky”

“kill me. kill me and live with the memory. then tell the stars that you won”

“the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”

“even fate picks its favorites”

“then become the dirt i walk on”

“you kneel before my throne unaware that it was born of lies”

“Thucydides said that "The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools" however you appear to be both a fool and a coward”

“live with what makes you comfortable but know that ultimately you're not telling yourself the truth"

“You will beg for death but due to what you said today, I will deprive you of that luxury”

“you, who are without mercy, now plead for it?"

There’s to many of them to give to characters so imma do that another time

#leto_talks #ghost 👻

[iviarellereads]

The Neverending Story Chapter 7 - The Voice of Silence

(Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Neverending Story, read this one!)

In which I get really tired of verse.

Gladness(1) buoyed Atreyu's heart as he strode into the forest of columns which cast black shadows in the bright moonlight.

He still doesn't know who he is or why he's come, but he passes through the columns, which are described at length. After going for some time, he hears a sound in the distance, a sad singing voice. It moves toward him even after he stops moving, and soon he can hear the words, as she sings about how she must die someday.

Atreyu asks who she is, and she asks back, and he says he doesn't know, though he knows he knew once. The voice sings that Atreyu must reply in rhyme, because she cannot understand anything that's not in poetic form.(2) It's difficult, but Atreyu manages to ask who she is, and the voice thanks him, acknowledges she can hear him now, and says she's "Uyulala, the voice of silence" and that they are in "the Palace of Deep Mystery."

Through more exchanges, Atreyu establishes that Uyulala exists only as sound, and that she sounds so sad because the CLE is dying, and so Uyulala is dying. Atreyu doesn't remember his quest, but when Uyulala talks about the Empress needing a new name, he asks who can give one to her. Uyulala gives a half-page verse about how he must remember her next words carefully, then a full page of explanation of there being another world, where humans live. Only they can give the CLE a new name with every age of Fantastica, but no humans have visited in so long, they have forgotten Fantastica, so only a child of man can save the CLE.

Then, with prompts between from Atreyu, Uyulala gives another half-page of verse saying only Atreyu can decide what to do with this information, and that now it's time for her to die, and the first verse in the chapter is repeated, and then no more.

Atreyu falls asleep, and when he wakes, he remembers his quest, and Uyulala's words. He knows what to do now.

Bastian thinks how he'd love to help if he could, if Fantastica were real and he could go there and give the CLE a new name. He whispers that if there's any way he can help, Atreyu should tell him, and he'll come.

Atreyu, for his part, sees a patch of Nothing and starts running away from it. He keeps running until he comes to what look like the mountains where he'd first entered the Great Riddle Gate. He keeps running, and finds the stones now look grey, not red anymore, but it feels the same. Eventually, he finds the Great Riddle Gate collapsed, and the sphinxes have disappeared. He can't see the way he took from the gnomes' cave, so he calls out, and Falkor comes out to retrieve him, saying they'd almost given up hope. Atreyu thinks it's only been a day, but Falkor brings him back to the gnomes to explain.

Engywook launches into questions, but Urgl insists they let Atreyu eat and drink first.

Bastian thinks of the two chocolate bars he keeps in his bedside table, in case he gets hungry at night. He would have brought them as rations if he'd known he'd run away like this, but no matter.(3) Falkor finally says that it's been seven days and nights since Atreyu left, which is why he's almost fully healed. Engywook says space and time must be different inside the gates.

Before Atreyu can tell his story, he asks what's been happening out here since his journey. Engywook points out that colours are fading, and the gate collapsed in the same moment as the sphinxes disappeared, with no apparent action on anyone's part,(4) leaving the ruins of the gate looking hundreds of years old and moss-covered.

Finally, Atreyu tells them his whole story, and Engywook wails that his life's work is over if Uyulala is dead. Urgl says she needs to start packing, now that Engywook will be willing to leave and they can escape the Nothing. Falkor and Atreyu offer the gnomes a ride to wherever they're going, but Urgl says no self-respecting gnome would ever fly, and the best thanks they can give is to get the Great Quest underway again. So, they do.

When some hours later [Urgl] and Engywook stepped out into the open, each was carrying an overloaded back-basket, and again they were busily quarreling. Off they waddled on their tiny, crooked legs, and never once looked back. Later on, Engywook became very famous, in fact, he became the most famous gnome in the world, but not because of his scientific investigations. That, however, is another story that shall be told another time. [...] Involuntarily, Bastian looked up at the skylight, trying to imagine how it would be if Falkor came cutting through the darkening sky like a dancing white flame, if he and Atreyu were coming to get him. 'Oh my,' he sighed. 'Wouldn't that be something!' He could help them, and they could help him. He would be saved and so would Fantastica.

=====

(1) The G is superimposed on the corridor of columns, with vine scrollwork on the sides of the page. (2) I know this is a children's book for kiddos but it's such a simplistic view of poetry. ;-; I don't even usually particularly enjoy poetry as a form but this hurts me. (hyperbole) (3) Some of these asides really push home to me how much the style of writing has changed in fifty years. I re-encounter this every time I read a book older than me, but WOW has writing generally changed, even aside from what you can write off as translation discrepancies. This feels so pointless. Like, yes, it technically has a point, to establish Bastian in the scene and add to what we know about him, just like every other aside, but… none of these asides really tell us much about Bastian that wasn't implied by explicitly calling him fat, soft, and weak in the intro. It feels beside the point and intrusive to the story inside Fantastica, even though that's also part of the point. (I guess what I'm saying is, I'm increasingly frustrated with this style of writing, and it's wordier and antiquated compared to what I more typically read today.) (4) I think we're meant to assume the sphinxes Nothing'ed.

#the neverending story #bastian balthazar bux #atreyu #uyulala #engywook #urgl #falkor

[spicedgghost]

I just look at my phone.

It feels so painful. i feel so alone. i'm waiting, i must be waiting for someone to talk to me. but no one needs me anymore. They needed me, they wanted me, when i was young, stupid, always out, when they didn't know where to get drugs from or they just wanted to go out. and then something changed; staying at home. the walls around me completely paralyze me, it makes me feel like rotting fruit sitting in the corner. In the sense that I can't find joy in it, just a slight conformity on the fact that i may die or get thrown away at any point. It's more than just feeling dead inside; but the fact that I fear I may have never existed to others. i'm absolutely nothing; a concept, and idea. not a human being with actual feelings and desires and hopes and fears but just an idea.

I just want people to remember me. But I can't and now it might be to late. Everyone has their friend group at this point of their life! if I don't that might have something to do with me. I only have myself to blame; I don't know what I did wrong. I don't know when I pushed everyone away but now no one is here and I'm alone and I can't speak of feel or think like an actual human being I don't think I can take this anymore. The people closest to me only remember that I'm there when they need something; not even my own lover wants me anymore. He doesn't look at me, he doesn't kiss me, he doesn't say thank you or take me on dates. He commands, I obey, and I stop existing.

Someday I will be brave enough to off myself. Can't stop thinking about the window beside my bed, and how big of a fall that is. It keeps me up at night; the window. there is a window. the fall could kill me. it's so easy. and I'm so tired of everything.

Either I feel like a human being at some point of the next few months or weeks or I'm killing myself because I can't take this anymore three years of isolation are too much I haven't had anything good happen to me please if something is there I need help I need help I need help I would do anything to be like everyone else.