#NO i dont know if i will ever publish it

[autistme]

they haunt me every time i open paint

#YES i completely filled out 2 brackets for an am! song bracket. #NO i never posted them #YES i want to fuck around with it some more to make sure its not just a landslide for each round #but still leave the Truly Insane Matches for the end #NO i dont know if i will ever publish it #YES im double checking 106 #also i think this is when i was like. maybe my perfectionism is an issue bc i was obsessed with literally every pixel #and i wish i was joking but i am fully serious like EVERY pixel #and the fucking. spreadsheets of streaming statistics (with live versions included in the math) #like what was that #anyways ill unpack that eventually

[zer0point5ive]

it’s the picture of diana in lawrence’s wallet with her arms wrapped around a dog, it’s the horse riding awards in her bedroom and and the snake toy she has draped over her headboard .. it’s adam who wanted so badly to be a vet, adam who loves cats and brings them saucers of milk despite there being barely anything in his fridge .. it’s them bonding over their love of animals, diana showing adam her amazing animal facts book and adam asking for one every time he sees her, it’s adam saving up his own money so he can surprise her with a trip to the zoo for their next adam-and-diana day when lawrence and alison are at work and need someone to watch her, it’s him taking his camera, getting pictures of her with her favorite animals and developing them, it’s diana telling adam she wants to be a vet when she grows up and him getting excited, grabbing lawrence’s stethoscope when diana says she wants to play vets and taking his job oh so seriously when diana says that he’s gotta be her assistant, it’s .. its ..

#sorry for getting a little sick in the head about adam being the best stepdad ever as if its my fault #ohhhhhhhhhhh. its all a little too much for me #starts sobbing in a terrible nd agonising sort of way right after pressing post #good god man. talking to self #get a grip #chainshipping #diana gordon #adam faulkner stanheight #📹 #no way in hell lawrence dr gordon md has a dog they do not have pets. maybe hed be ok w a rabbit #uhoh motifs cant stop wont stop #that dog is definitely an uncles or an aunts i just dont see in any universe lawrence having a dog or even a cat unless adam is involved #unless in some sort of fun au lawence finds a cat nd takes it to vet adam for the plot but otherwise no #n e way ! #amazing animal facts was published in 2003 so it checks out actually #i checked for the post nd everything i take this all very seriously you know

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

sometimes i like to imagine a future where i write that (y/a or adult targeted) dragon book series i desperately want to, but i know that i wouldn't be able to do it without including art in the book. every time a new important character is introduced the next page would have to be a reference / art of them to Show What They Look Like

#i dont think id be able to handle like. publishing or whatever Without that #maybe that stems from my control issues maybe im just an artist at heart #but i would also need there to be a glossary and a detailed map and maybe footnotes or a basic bestiary- #but then sometimes i wonder if i'd want it to be like... a comic instead #manga style in a way??? i wouldnt color it. it'd be in b&w with only the occasional colored spread or somethin #but all of that If Possible or plausible is a very long way off which is okay its okay #ill get there ill get there #unless something changes and i want to do something Else but its been a goal for many years already #its only recently that ive buckled down on the worldbuilding and character crafting and genuinely considering the plot and themes #its a hot mess! but theres something in there! im determined to find it #its definitely a couple years yet of changing things and switchin stuff around and Thinking.... #who knows if ill ever get there! i hope i will! #but yeah it'd be a book with a bunch of art shoved in it httyd style (kinda) #bc if im gonna Make something im gonna combine my favorite hobbies as best i can #absolutely unprompted #its an exciting but daunting prospect. writing an actual Thing #mostly the plot part of it #i can craft characters i can do worldbuilding #but the plot? oof #there's this other one ive been working on since 8th grade #and its still... barely anything lmao #its for my favorite personal characters - my very first real oc my special boy light of my life but Man. #plot has hands!!! #and then ofc there's my beloved idiot squad... i want to do something for them some day maybe.... #so many ambitions so little energy... i will strive to make future me healthy enough to achieve Something we so desperately want!

[saturnisfallingdown]

a big part of the queer online kid to queer online young adult progression for me was losing all interest in labels. not in a distasteful way!! just. losing interest .....

#ive got a big post in the drafts about how ive found it impossible to exist outside of the queer identity structure these days #and the pros and cons of that #and i havent published it because i fear it giving off some anti-labeling-for-anyone-ever aura. which is not the vibe !!! #but talking entirely personally. yeah nowadays i feel weird even calling myself genderqueer!! listing a pronoun preference. #advertising myself as a lesbian at the forefront of my general human identity #because i am those things and people can refer to me in those ways!! absolutely #but ultimately my queerness is a lot more fluid than i gave it credit for as a kid/teen #and i think it defines less of me than i thought it did #or at least its such an intrinsic part of me that i can afford to look at a lot of other aspects of what makes me me #and this is all just my personal very privileged experience!! this isnt universal queerhood 101. but that makes it interesting!! #i dont know im having a very coming of age moment this year and im thinking a lot about identity. this is my diary welcome internet

[pansyfemme]

do u still have a nsfw blog?

its still up, yeah, but i’m not really interested in posting on it right now since 90% of my content there was flirting with people, and i recently got in a relationship and lost my desire for flirting with really anyone else. so unless there was a shift in content where i’d be posting less stuff involving me and more like nsfw art or writing i’m not sure it will really be active

#if i ever restart posting there in any sense it will be a conversation i’ll have with you guys with new rules and bounderies #also there was definitly some stuff involving that that really turned me off and i deleted and never published a lot of asks #people were getting a little too comfy with parasocial stuff for my comfort like. its great you want to fuck me but dont tell a stranger #you’ve never met that they’re ‘yours’ through anon. no im not i dont know you

[gaytobymeres]

absolutely love when you are reading a biography for some slightly obscure person in history and it's clear that the author has formed a parasocial relationship with the person in question

#like i get it it's sort of happened to me once because you spend so long researching their life you feel like you almost know them #but obviously you dont #reading a biography about shirley hibberd who was named james shirley hibberd #but only ever published as shirley hibberd #and the author of this biography refers to him exclusively as 'james' like damn you're on first name terms?? very chummy

[melioradeluxe]

how do yall write fics without exposing your k*nks.

#like i get it . you just learn not to give a fuck #but im sjfhfsfkjfjsks #i am finally trying to write a m*lkor fic w a very mild k//nk but kshskhsfk #like if i ever finish it and then publish it then everyone will know TTHIS AO3 USER LOVES **** sorry i cant say it im shy #I'VE PUT SO MANY ASTERISKS IN THIS POST #sorry im on my period so that makes me yap a lot. no that's not it. thats not it girlie #also the asterisk on m*lkor is bc i dont want this on the tag ofc #text #not fandom

[hypogryffin]

Do we have permission to write fic of/for ur inabanne au?

hi! you are indeed, so long as you give credit where its due! i also ask you send me a link so i may read your work!

#with inabanne specifically i think i have plans on continuing; i just dont know if theyll stay comics or become an actual fic #so if u do end up publishing anything of this au plz clarify that its a personal interpretation to avoid confusion if i decide to write 4it! #not art #asks & requests #inabanne au #gryffin's aus #as much as i dont rlly update it bc i have other things im working on it is something id like to explore eventually lol #also- tag me here or on twitter; im unsure how mentioning ppl would ever work on ao3 but i am on there if thats more convinent! #i hope u have fun writing for inabanne!

[girl-bateman]

Exchange semester in the Netherlands???? Hello ???? Fall of 2024 ???? I got accepted ???

#yippie ✨️✨️✨️✨️ #this end of 2023 is making me so hopeful for 2024 and thats crazy bc i dont think ive ever been happy for the new year before #i know these little things like my novell and studying in Netherlands might seem small #but to me its proof that i can do anything i set my mind to :) ! and i dont mean that unironically either ! #like genuinely- as long as i try i have a chance of success !!!!! #i used to just think abt or do things without taking that first step #u know. just write novells or books witouth sending them anywhere despite the fact that i dream of being published #or look at uni websites in foreign countries without applying to them #BUT YOU SEE WHAT CAN HAPPEN WHEN I ACTUALLY TRY !!! 🥲💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 #life is beautiful :) and good things happen to those who stick around to find out #yay <33333 #personal

[im-still-watching-anime]

haha as a fic writer i’m obviously very familiar with my own works it’s not like i have to go and look them up to remember the titles of my own fics *sweats*

#oof #just had a moment #i dont know any of my fics actual titles #titles are the last thing i do #but then if anyone ever talks to me about them they USE that title #and i just #do Not know them #my bsd fics are especially bad #i can probably recite half the fic for you without looking but god please don’t ask me the title #i dont know it #on one hand that was embarrassing #but on the other hand it gave me a chance to reread some of my fics and!! #i like them!! #i usually try not to think too hard once i publish them #cause i get overthinking and in my own head #but taking a chance to actually fully reread them after time has passed was fun!! #i felt bad for ignoring how much i love them #real ‘i abandoned my boy’ moment from me tonight #like!! those are mine!! i made them!! i love them so much!! #anyway leaving hating my own stuff in 2023 i love them all again the good and the bad😤 #having revelations at 4 am ig #i love all my written children even though i do suck at remembering their names sometimes rip😅 #i have to study whenever people want to talk to me about my fics lol

[slydiddledeedee]

some old art - catching up after training

#tales of the abyss #guy cecil #luke fon fabre #i dont know if i'll ever redo this since i've improved so much since i did this but! i wanted to publish it since it was almost finished #there was gonna be more in the bg and if i redo it someday i'll include more #also obv guys binding is not ideal don't do that irl. that's an artistic choice here #but i am pushing my trans guy agenda. points at him #his name is guy #anyway. also not ship art just luke and guy hanging out after training :-) having a gucci time #tota #totart #slydiddledeeart

[rocksalt-and-pie]

@ the three other girlies in the fandom who don't hate Ketch and appreciate him for being THAT bitch (hot bastard sexy evil milfman representation and one of the funniest bitches on the show) who are just like me starving for content, weep no more. I have just the fic for the four of us.

This is a Dean/Ketch fic taking place during episode 13.18 Bring 'em Back Alive, in which Dean and Ketch travel to apocalypse world and the entire episode is basically already a hurt/comfort enemies to foxhole buddies fantasy as it is. But there is a gap between scenes that needed to be filled!

#arthur ketch #ketch #dean winchester #dean x ketch #dean/ketch #fanfic #fan fiction #supernatural #supernatural fic #supernatural fanfic #spn #mp #ff #please click on the fic and scroll down to the kudos button lol i need it #i know this is a rare pair and i also know how much the fandom hates ketch #personally i dont get it and i think he's so fucking hot and hilarious on top of it and he's one of my favorite characters <3 #also hi yeah im actually posting my writing on the interned net now. yeah on a webbed site for everyone to see. only took me like ten years #so even if he's not your thing but if you ever wondered what my writing's like (which im SURE y'all are just DYING to know) - here you go #im new to publishing things and it's been a 20 year long struggle to get there so please be gentle with my little self <3 ok bye

[oatbugs]

. anyway after writing the tags 4 this post i told my research partner i will no longer follow his dreams lmao. still helping w it but i need to engage in research that i find satisfying

#i think ive been waiting for something for a while and i will spend the next year waiting for it too #i thought i felt panic but i have decided to read it as anticipation. the thrill of rejection or of moving forward or the latter as #a result of the former. i left you with your backpack unattended in the cafe because on fridays i am done #putting my life on hold for another whim-without-a-warning #this cross country service is delayed by 26 minutes so i will grab a bucket and start shovelling the water away from the tracks #everyone is moving on in some different way and im sorry if you think im mean for telling you getting so drunk will disable you from #recording your brainwaves effectively but it seems like you think i owe you an awful lot. one year ago in four days my friend got me hegel's #science of logic for my birthday and i thanked him for proving to me the existence of things this is what i do he said #and then he will spend the rest of his life breathing philosophy and i dont want to spend the rest of my life #breathing someone elses dreams i wait for the moment of realisation. this is now a 30 minute delay. i was supposed to worship beautiful #things and that is what i will do. i think i have a best friend and i know i have a lover and i know to #restrict my love the way you have. im sorry. i hope you understand when i tell you. i am now sitting on the floor in the luggage section of #this incredibly busy train and i saw a photo of her with her boyfriend and her hair in braids smiling like a fool this is the #except a week ago you told me you almost took too much this time to live. you are a beautiful girl with a beautiful soul and you know you #have already changed the world and it somehow was not enough. now you are smiling without any makeup on next to him #and yesterday you cried in an airport in the states when you were too full of love. this is the most extraordinary human being i have met. #tomorrow he heads off to princeton while his best friend heads to harvard. he goes there to make the world a better place. he is the most #extraordinary person i have ever met. the issue with human beings is that we are incredibly good at almost dying and keeping going. #you try to kill yourself and publish a paper and give a talk. you negotiate the seperation between your own parents and submit another #phd application. i am surrounded by extraordinary people with extraordinary minds and incredibly broken happy hearts. #i only see you smile when you talk about robotics. i still dont know how manifolds work and i love the concept anyway. i dont know. #i do know that i refuse to live unsatisfied. #you can keep drinking. im going to drink this reality up #i think i was a horrible person and i refuse to engage with that mentality again no matter what it takes.

[echo-rambles]

me: I'm so glad that I'm done with my ice skater/hockey player au! 4 parts in the series is definitely enough!

my brain, at 2:30am: ......seungin fwb oneshot set in the same au. imagine.

me: no we're NOT doing this......

fuck

#echo writes #seungin #skating au #RESURRECTING THIS TAG I GUESS?? #will i ever move on from this universe?? that's yet to be determined it seems #I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE THIS NEW INTEREST IN FWB INNIEMINNIE CAME FROM #who knows if I'll even stick to this concept #I might just write a few paragraphs and abandon it once the brainrot has left #WE'LL SEE I GUESS?? #at this rate I might as well get an ao3 pseud to publish all of my skz fic to

[hella1975]

i hate my town i hate the people in it i hate the shame that consumes us all i hate that every failure might as well be posted in the square because everyone knows everyone i hate that my grandparents are here and i hate that my mother came back for them i hate that the kids are dying and no one cares i hate that every good memory has a bad memory right next door like sam's house around the corner from my childhood home i hate the body they pulled from the river i hate the memory of hearing yellow by coldplay at my cousin's funeral because all i could think was that it was too modern for the situation but then he was only seventeen so it makes sense i hate that i was seventeen too and all the boys i knew were there his friends that were supposed to be the tough guys the scary guys i hate that i pretended not to see them sobbing i hate that everything smells of cigarettes here i hate the politics i hate the people i used to love that dont even smile at me on the street i hate that the girl who called me a slut works at my favourite bar i hate every alley and hidden shortcut and i hate that i know them like the back of my hand i hate the same fucking coffee shops i sat in when i was fourteen and scared and now im nineteen and scared and i hate that it's exactly what this town wants i hate that it wants anger i hate that it wants fear i hate that it wants shame i hate that i can give it everything

#thinking about how the two biggest things in my life rn - writing and my degree - are so punctuated by this fucking town #like my biggest fear with my degree isnt what id think of myself if i dropped out or failed #or even what my family would think bc they're nicer to me than i am #it's genuinely the thought of what my hometown lot would say that keeps me up at night #like the thought of my neighbour who told me id never accomplish anything bc my school was shitter than his fancy one #the thought of having to look him in the eye #or the thought of knowing my friends will tell their mums who are still on the PTA with old teachers who thought i was special #like small towns wrap you in this bubble of smallness and it suffocates you and you're so terrified and ashamed of every little mistake #and then my writing GOD i keep thinking about how tbos is probably the best thing ive ever written #and id publish it id genuinely try and get it published #but im just again so scared and ashamed and embarrassed like how do i explain to these assholes that im writing fantasy #and that's not even counting the gay angle bc that's the biggest part #i just am not brave enough for that yet and yeah maybe it's bc im still young but i shouldnt have to be brave to enjoy things to begin with #failure shouldnt require bravery when it's just a fact of life #and i think about if we'd lived in london like my dad wanted us to or if we'd gone to dublin bc my mum loves dublin #or even if we just hadn't come to this fucking town and we'd lived in ANY FUCKING CITY #my dad jokes about how in london he didn't even know his neighbours names and god i just crave that anonymity so fucking much #it's so frustrating and my mum takes it so personally whenever i say i hate the town and my sister says i'll grow out of it just because #she did but i genuinely dont think i will #and maybe that's the creative in me or the queer in me that she just cant relate to but i have always always hated this place #like a guy i have a VERY complicated history with messaged me the other day and we havent talked in TIME #and it was kinda sweet if not awkward just bc of our aforementioned rocky past but one thing he mentioned when i said i was at uni #was that he said really genuinely 'im so happy to hear that; i know you always wanted to get out of [town name]' #like he still remembers that about me even though weve been friends since we were 12 and i havent spoken to him since i was?? 17?? #UGH i just hate it here and it's the fact that i'll never escape it either bc i cant totally abandon ship without also #abandoning my family and i refuse to do that and they refuse to leave so now im just stuck with all these CONNECTIONS #sorry to vent lol #ig this could be a poetry thing? we'll say it is instead of me just having another meltdown LMAO #hella goes home

[kirbyddd]

barkbarkbark Riichi Book I's writing is like screeching chalkboard to my game designer's, translator's, and writer's ears all at once

it's got great concepts buried in there but it's in like the most anti-comprehension packaging conceivable

#what the hell is wrong with you #folks like you are the BANE of game designers everywhere #and game PLAYERS for that matter #THIS is the best strategy reference the English speaking world's got? #baddabingbaddaboom ladies and gentlemen #im about to make bank writing the West's first riichi primer that actually meets the standards of the modern analogue game industry #(which to be honest is abysmal right now the industry's in an insane 'text free' fad right now where every word is replaced with a symbol) #alright then im gonna set the new standard then #imma bout to do for Riichi Mahjong what i did for Ryuutama Traversées 🫸🤛 #and for all the dudes at unpub who know how to design incredible games but dont know how to write instructions #alright sorry I'll calm down #but seriously i am gonna start throwing together an actually quality-controlled guide #cause every english resource ive found so far has been like this... inconsistent and full of holes and omissions in explanations #chiba talks about the game's strategic immaturity in the west... well it's got an even bigger gap of educational immaturity #anyways.... I'll toss a bit of effort that way #we'll see how far i take it #I'll either make a few loose articles or a fully fledged book. no in between #god i dont have the energy to make another book when i dont even know if Traversées is ever gonna see the light of day #100% complete full color layout and everything. publishing limbo is real and it's every bit as stupid and unnecessary as you think. #(my case is much simpler than most though cause im only working with two small publishers rather than a big corp) #but still. damn #anyways im so tempted to throw some of my rulebook magic at riichi while it's got my interest #not like i need to write a strategy tome the game just needs a professional quality introduction #don't make me do it i absolutely will do it #i did it for ryuutama when no one wanted to give a decent publication-quality localization for the supplements #and by garriot i will do it for riichi mahjong too if no one gives me a quality guide. i aint afraid of a global high strategy game #<- manic #(im not manic im just extremely restless having not been able to do any solid design work in a while and this book is getting me riled up) #cause it's like “i could write such a more coherent rulebook and HAVE written a more coherent rulebook. so why don't i do it again?” #the Disease is why. but maybe I'll give it a shot anyways if i get a second wind (i guess im otakaze right now harharharhar)