#NO DOCTORS TOLD ME ANYTHING EVEN WHEN THE ONES DOING THE PROCEDURE ASKED ME SEVERAL TIMES IF I HAD IT DONE BEFORE

[nexus-nebulae]

also i just need to be fucking angry about the American healthcare system because holy shit i should not be forced to fucking GOOGLE how to take care of myself after a SURGICAL PROCEDURE

#doctor moment #idk what this specific kind of bad medical practice would be called so #ask to tag #vent #i guess #but HOLY SHIT I'M SO FUCKING MAD ABOUT THAT #THEY DID NOT TELL ME A SINGLE THING AT THE END OF THE PROCEDURE THEY LITERALLY JUST SHOOED ME OUT #I DID NOT GET FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW LONG TO LEAVE THESE BANDAGES ON #I GOT ABSOLUTELY NEGLIGENT AND HORRIBLY WRITTEN INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO CARE FOR IT #ONES THAT MY MOM HAD TO GO THROUGH AND SIMPLIFY FOR ME BECAUSE I WAS TOO OUT OF IT FROM TOO MUCH ANESTHETIC #BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THEY KNOW I WEIGH 95 POUNDS AND REQUIRE A CHILDREN'S DOSE THEY GAVE ME THE FULL DOSE #AND REGARDING THOSE INSTRUCTIONS EVEN MY MOM HAD TROUBLE WITH FIGURING THEM OUT #AND SHE'S MENTALLY ABLED AND WASN'T DRUGGED UP ON WHAT WAS MEANT TO BE LOCAL ANESTHETIC #not to mention I WAS NEVER FUCKING TOLD THERE WOULD BE A RECOVERY PERIOD FOR THIS #IT WAS TREATED SO CASUALLY BY EVERY DOCTOR AND TREATED AS IF I COULD JUST WALK IN AND OUT #AT NO POINT WAS I TOLD I WOULD BE RECOVERING FOR TWO WEEKS. #AT NO POINT WAS I TOLD I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO WALK. #NO DOCTORS TOLD ME ANYTHING EVEN WHEN THE ONES DOING THE PROCEDURE ASKED ME SEVERAL TIMES IF I HAD IT DONE BEFORE #AND I TOLD THEM NO SEVERAL TIMES AND THAT I DID NOT KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON OR WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING #I WAS GIVEN ZERO INSTRUCTION AND ZERO WARNING #AND I SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD TO ACTIVELY ASK FOR THIS INFORMATION #THAT SHOULD BE FUCKING BASIC TO TELL SOMEONE *GOING THROUGH A MOTHERFUCKING SURGICAL PROCEDURE* #I'm fucking pissed about this. i fucking hate doctors.

[colormepurplex2]

Shatter With Me | Waving The White Flag

↳ Model!Jungkook x Surrogate!f.Reader ⤜ Surrogacy, Best Friend's Husband ⤜ Rating: MA 🔞 ⤜ WC: 18,286 ⚠️ Crass language, talk of infertility, drinking, very mild bullying and references to cruel behavior/words, talk of surrogacy, at-home medical procedure, genital touching (non-sexual), planned pregnancy, talk of pregnancy termination/abortion, BIG hurt feelings, open palm slapping, accusations of infidelity

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Jungkook

Jungkook never thought he’d be haunted by such a small, seemingly insignificant thing. A tiny pastel pink line. Singular. Just like all the ones before it. He’s lost count of exactly how many, but it’s been years; every month, the same outcome. A singular pink line telling him he’s failed. He knows that’s a bit harsh, but it’s how he’s starting to feel—like a complete and utter failure.

“We’ll try again next month,” Jiyoon offers, dropping the offending piece of plastic in the bathroom trash before giving Jungkook a tight smile.

“Have you given any more thought to trying IVF again?” Jungkook asks hesitantly, knowing that’s a sore subject. But, dammit, he’s not in the proper headspace right now to think better of it.

Jiyoon glares at him, her pouty pink lips drawing taut. “I told you not to ask me that ever again. Now, get out. I’d like to take a shower.” When Jungkook doesn’t immediately move from his perch on the bathroom counter, she tags on a frustrated, “Please.”

Jungkook hops down, his socked feet swishing over the tiled floor as he retreats into the master bedroom. The door forcefully shuts right on his heels, echoing the hollow ache in the center of his chest. He promised himself that if it didn’t happen this time, he’d just try harder next time.

Yet, there is only so much he can do. Pushing any harder might widen the rift slowly forming between him and his wife. Already, Jiyoon spends more time at work than with him. Her glares of irritation any time he seeks intimacy outside of their strict ovulation schedule are like holes being punched into his resolve.

After nearly two years of trying, he sought medical answers a year ago. Jiyoon was quite cross with him when she found out he went to the doctor, but he needed to know if it was his fault they were having trouble conceiving. The numbers were standard, slightly higher than average even. The utter devastation on Jiyoon’s face, he’ll never be able to forget that day. Because if he isn’t the problem…then that means she is.

It’s his fault. He wasn’t even thinking about that potential. Jiyoon hasn’t been the same since. That’s when the schedule came into play. That’s when she started to pour far more energy into waiting for the perfect moment instead of just enjoying their time together.

Jungkook can see the disappointment, the guilt that eats away at her each time that single pink line reveals itself. He wishes more than anything there was a way to change it, something more he could do. Yet, she refuses to consider the option of IVF, not after the horror story she heard from her friend Dani. She refuses to even talk about it.

There has to be another way; he’s just not sure what it might be. Jungkook is at a loss, and it feels like the weight of the world is sitting heavy right between his shoulders. The shower kicks on in the bathroom, and Jungkook decides to busy himself by making Jiyoon a cup of tea for when she gets out. He knows she’ll want to spend some time relaxing before bed, and tea always helps.

💔💔💔

Not a day goes by that you don’t think about your best friend, Jiyoon, and the unfortunate circumstances that have befallen her and her husband. It’s not a secret amongst your peers that they’ve been trying to start a family with no luck for several years. It breaks your heart every time she gives you a shake of her head when you look at her with hopeful eyes.

Today isn’t any different. You’re sitting at your desk, absently clicking through the latest portfolio files you got from Namjoon, when Jiyoon walks by your desk, heading toward hers. She’s half an hour late this morning, something that’s pretty routine every few weeks. It’s like clockwork. You’re aware of the ovulation schedule that she and Jungkook keep and know that she allows herself extra time the morning after taking a test to steel herself against the disappointment that will come from the pitying stares in the office.

You catch her eye as she settles into her desk chair, and she gives you that subtle shake of her head. There is tension in her shoulders, and her bottom lip looks like she’s been chewing on it in irritation, but she turns around and gives you her back before you can think to question her about it.

“Morning, Jiyoon,” Namjoon says as he steps out of his office. Namjoon is also well aware of the unfortunate circumstances surrounding Jiyoon and Jungkook. It’s why he doesn’t hassle her about being late, something you’re endlessly grateful for.

Jiyoon is your only friend, and you are very protective of her. Well, that’s not entirely true. The protective part is, but she’s not technically your only friend. She’s just the longest friend you’ve had and the one you hold closest to your heart—your best friend. Though, even still, everyone else are really just people you know through Jiyoon or from work. Maybe that’s sad, but you don’t mind it.

“Jiyoon!” Dani squeals from the other side of the office. The bubbly, energetic woman flits across the room, looking every inch like a fairy with her blond pixie cut, petite stature, and buttoned nose.

“Oh gosh, hey. Come here!” Jiyoon swings her chair toward Dani as she beckons her forward, letting you catch a glimpse of her profile. There is a smile on her face, but it’s hard to tell whether it’s strained or not. Jiyoon has always been beautiful, with not a single wrinkle or blemish in sight. Looking at her body language, it’s even harder to tell.

Giggles punctuate their whispered words as Dani crouches beside Jiyoon’s chair, their heads pressed close together. You watch as Dani slips something into Jiyoon’s hand before she stands and waggles her brows down at your friend.

“Have fun,” Dani sing-songs as she prances away from Jiyoon’s desk. Her gunmetal eyes meet yours, and her face sours before she disappears beyond your cubicle.

“What’s that?” you ask a beat after she’s gone and before you can curb your curiosity, tinged with mild jealousy. Dani has made it clear before that she doesn’t like you very much, only tolerating you for Jiyoon’s sake. So, it’s no surprise that you don’t find yourself included when it comes to anything involving Dani—it’s something you’ve chalked up to her own jealousy, perhaps at the fact you’ve been Jiyoon’s friend for so long.

Jiyoon flicks her eyes in your direction before stuffing whatever Dani gave her into her purse. “Just some antacids,” she says, giving you a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.

All suspicions disappear as you take in the controlled curve of her lips. She looks miserable. “Oh,” is all you can manage before Namjoon calls everyone’s attention to the front of the room.

“Good morning, everyone. Let’s start this week off on the right foot. We have reports to file and new contracts to negotiate…”

You and Jiyoon have always aspired to work for a marketing and media agency together. So, when the opportunity presented itself, you both were elated to land jobs with Kim Exclusives, one of the most popular management companies for up-and-coming artists, models, and influencers.

That was seven years ago, and your time here has only solidified your friendship with Jiyoon. She met her husband, Jungkook, through the agency. He was one of the first models signed to Kim Exclusives, and you and Jiyoon both handled his portfolio and schedule for a year before she had to give you sole leadership over it once they became intimately involved—the whole conflict of interests thing.

“Are we still meeting tonight?” you ask Jiyoon as the day draws to a close. She’s still diligently working away at her computer, and you stand outside her cubicle with your bag on your shoulder.

“Hmm? Oh. Umm, yeah, I guess. I might be a bit late, though.”

You peek over her shoulder. “Is that the new Song profile?”

“Yep,” she pops the end of the word, keying you into thinking she's not in the mood to chat right now.

“Okay, well, I’ll see you guys later then.”

Jiyoon makes a noncommittal sound, already focused back on her work. You miss the days when she would give you more than a few passing words. Even on her good days, it seems like she’s growing further and further away from you. It’s hard not to feel guilty over the bitter and lonely feelings you get when you think about it. It’s not Jiyoon’s fault that you don’t have more close friends to turn to. But sometimes you wish you meant as much to her as she does to you.

As soon as that thought crosses your mind, you mentally kick yourself. It’s not fair for you to think that. You know Jiyoon cares for you; she’s just had a rough few years, and you shouldn’t be making it about yourself.

Feeling truly like a shit friend, you continue to chastise yourself over the next two hours as you commute home and get ready for tonight. Five minutes away from the pub, you consider calling Jiyoon and canceling. But, just as you pull out your phone to do that, someone calls your name from down the sidewalk.

You turn to see Taehyung and Jungkook waving at you from across the street. Well, there goes your intention to cancel.

“Hey! Have you heard from Jiyoon?” Jungkook asks as he and Taehyung jog across the street.

You press your lips into a thin line, confused. “Did she not come home?”

“Ah, no. She said she was working late and that I should just go ahead and meet up with you and Taehyung. She’s, uh, well, she’s not answering my calls. We—this morning…sorry, just, have you talked to her?”

Doing your best to keep your eyes on his, you give him an honest answer, “She was still working when I left the office. I haven’t heard from her since.” Losing the battle against your will, your eyes sweep over your best friend’s husband. He’s just as gorgeous as he always has been. His hair is a little longer than the last time you saw him, licking at the collar of his denim jacket. As the lead on his contract, you know he recently landed a massive campaign with a new clothing company, their emblem stitched onto the breast of the coat. Jungkook looks every inch the model he is; his friend no less so.

“Hey! Happy Birthday!” Taehyung greets you as your eyes swing to him.

Warm embarrassment kisses your cheeks. You hate your birthday; you hate being the center of attention. “Thanks,” you murmur, giving him a tight smile.

“Oh, yeah, happy birthday,” Jungkook tacks on. He rubs the back of his neck, giving you an apologetic look. “Should we go ahead and go inside?”

“Yeah, sure.” As Taehyung leads the way inside, you type out a quick text to Jiyoon asking how long she’ll be.

Thirty minutes later, you’re sitting in a mildly withdrawn personal bubble of silence as Jungkook and Taehyung chat about work and sip on fingers of liquor. You’re normally not so silent with them, as they have been clients of yours for years but you’ve also grown to think of them as friends. It’s just you have a lot on your plate right now, Namjoon just added three new clients to your work portfolio, putting you at juggling almost a dozen. You don’t mind the added workload, it helps keep you busy, but it does mean you have to switch around your schedule a great deal and have less time to spend with Jungkook and Taehyung who are two of the longest portfolios you’ve managed. They have a joint ad campaign coming up for the whiskey they’re sampling right now and are trying to decide if they actually like it or not.

Over the years, you've learned that advertisements are just that—a cleverly crafted piece of media to highlight a product. The models in a hamburger ad could very well be vegan, but they’re paid to make you believe otherwise. So, even if they decide they don’t like the whiskey, money will say they do.

Taehyung is a bit newer to Kim Exclusives, a model by complete accident. He came into the office once with Jungkook, just friends hanging out with each other, and the moment Namjoon saw him, he had to have him. A few weeks later, Taehyung was added to the roster of elite models under Kim Exclusives, booking just as well as any veteran.

“It’s a little too smokey for me, I think,” Taehyung comments. “What do you think?” he asks, setting his glass on the table and startling you out of your thoughts.

“What?” You blink up at him, totally lost.

“Give it a taste.” He taps the rim of the glass. “Tell me what you think,” he encourages, pushing the glass closer to where your hands are clasped together on the table.

You don’t really want to try the whiskey, but the expectant looks on Taehyung and Jungkook’s faces make you pick up the glass and take a tentative sip. It burns across your tongue, coating your throat in a fiery, smokey blend of burnt spices. The flavor sits like ash in your mouth.

“It’s, uh…”

“Not great, right?” Jungkook gives you a lopsided grin, his shoulders stretching the seams of his jean jacket as he shrugs. “It’s okay to be honest about it.”

You slide the glass back across the tabletop toward Taehyung. “Yeah, it’s not great. It might be better on ice, but I’m not a big drinker, so I think it’s hard for me to judge it fairly.”

They both seem satisfied with this response and resume their conversation about the whiskey and the new campaign. You check your phone, wondering where Jiyoon could possibly be. There is no response to your text.

You’re picking at the frayed edge of the paper coaster that’s slowly growing waterlogged from the condensation dripping down your glass of ice water when Taehyung taps on the table in front of you, trying to capture your attention.

“Isn’t that right?” he asks.

“Sorry. Is what right?” You feel heat bloom in your cheeks at being caught not paying attention yet again.

“You’re healthy.”

That statement has confusion replacing your embarrassment. “Healthy?”

“Let me backtrack,” Taehyung says, leaning back in his seat and throwing an arm over the back of Jungkook’s chair.

“Taehyung, really, this isn’t the time—”

“Ahem,” Taehyung interrupts Jungkook’s protest. “Hypothetically speaking, if your best friend and her husband were to inquire of you about the possibility of surrogacy, what would you say?”

The dots aren’t connecting for you, and his blunt question makes you feel like you missed something important. “Surrogacy?” You don’t mean to sound like a broken record, repeating what Taehyung is saying, but you’re thoroughly having a tough time understanding.

“Listen, you don’t have to answer that,” Jungkook states, shaking his head at Taehyung and giving him a pleading look that says to stop while he’s ahead.

“Are you and Jiyoon looking into a surrogate?” you ask; everything suddenly clicks into place, and the question tumbles from your lips before you can stop it. 

Jungkook grips the back of his neck and grumbles something incoherent towards Taehyung before he blows out a heavy breath and his eyes slowly rise to meet yours. “Not exactly, no. We haven’t talked about it yet. It’s just something I read about today. But, honestly, you don’t have to answer the question. Taehyung is just being a dick—”

“I’d do it.”

Your response leaves Jungkook with his mouth open and jaw slack as he stares at you in bewilderment.

“See, I told you. She’s perfect. Young, healthy, and someone you know and can trust,” Taehyung tots off, waving a finger in the air.

“Wait…are you serious?” Jungkook asks, pointedly ignoring Taehyung.

You’ve never considered being a mom before, at least not in that sense. It was always an assumption that it wouldn’t be in the cards for you—the whole lack of a love life thing being the crux of it. You’ve barely had a handful of boyfriends, much less a long-term commitment that would lead to a family. But, when it comes to Jiyoon, you’d do just about anything for her. So, if she asked you to carry a baby for her, you know, without a doubt, you’d do it.

“Y-yeah. Yes,” you state with more confidence. “I’d do that.”

Before Jungkook can respond, Jiyoon bustles in through the bar's front door, her lilting laughter drawing everyone’s attention. She has her phone pressed to her ear, and she’s smiling at whatever the person she’s speaking to is saying.

“Okay, yeah. Tomorrow sounds great. See you then,” Jiyoon says before ending the call and pocketing her phone. “Oh, Taehyung is here.” It’s a bland statement, Jiyoon’s eyes flicking over Jungkook’s best friend before landing on her husband. “Did you order me a drink already?”

Jungkook clears his throat, trying to compose himself before speaking. “Babe, hey. Um, no, I wasn’t sure when you’d get here. You weren’t responding to any of my calls or texts.”

Jiyoon slides into the empty seat beside you, across from Jungkook, and gives you a quick smile before wrinkling her nose in his direction. “I’ll take a glass of red.”

“Oh-kay,” Jungkook says slowly, a look of confusion ghosting over his features. “Where have you been?”

“Hmm? Oh, just busy with work,” Jiyoon says. “Wine, please, Jungkook.” His only response is a tight press of his lips before he stands up and disappears in the direction of the bar. Jiyoon clicks her tongue and angles herself to look at you. “You’re not drinking?” she asks, eyeing the glass of water on the table in front of you.

“Um, no. You know I don’t—”

“I know, you’re boring,” Jiyoon sighs. The only thing taking the sting out of her words is the smile she gives you. You know Jiyoon isn’t exactly what people would call a nice person; in fact, she’s often coined as a ‘mean girl.’ But she’s never been intentionally mean to you, not really. She just provides constructive criticism and encouragement to be the best version of yourself that you can be.

“Way to be a bitch to her on her birthday, Jiyoon,” Taehyung mumbles into his whiskey glass before tossing it back and downing the rest.

Jiyoon winces and then plasters a smile on her face before saying, “Right, happy birthday.”

“Yeah, thanks.” You make your best attempt at nonchalance, but you’re not sure it lands properly as Taehyung shakes his head, and Jiyoon sighs again.

“I forgot, okay? It’s been so busy at work and with—uh,” she pauses for just a second, and any other time you might not have noticed, but you can’t help but pick up on the way she rushes to continue, “the new client that you know Namjoon has been breathing down my neck over. The Harper portfolio, you know the one? And apparently, the Song profile needs to be redone on top of that.”

Jiyoon has been different lately. You’re aware that she took over one of the new higher-end clients, some big hot-shot movie star or something like that, but it’s almost made her seem like she thinks she’s above everyone else. It makes things tense sometimes like everyone is on edge when she comes around. You try to ignore it, for the sake of tonight. “It’s okay, Jiyoon, really.”

“Anyway, how are things going? It’s been a few weeks since we last talked about something other than work.”

Yeah, because every time you turn around Jiyoon is spending time with Dani or has a client meeting. You shrug. “Okay, I guess.”

Taehyung pipes up in the silence that follows, “We were actually just talking about surroga—”

“Red wine for my wife, another whiskey for Tae, the good stuff this time, and a pina colada for the birthday girl. Virgin, I made sure. I know you don’t like to drink alcohol,” Jungkook interrupts Taehyung, passing out the cluster of drinks in his hands.

You stare up at Jungkook, lips slightly parted as you try to think of the proper response, completely taken off guard by his gesture. Finally, you lamely offer, “Oh, uh, you didn’t have to, but thanks.”

“Nonsense. It’s your birthday, you deserve a little treat, and I know you like pineapple.” Jungkook settles back into his seat, and you try to keep your eyes off your best friend's husband. But it’s hard with how his hair falls into his face, and the denim hugs his shoulders as he relaxes against the back of his chair.

“Ew,” Jiyoon gags dramatically, startling your attention in her direction. “Is that a jacket from the shoot today?” She gestures at Jungkook, the distaste apparent on her face. “I know they didn’t dress you in that. What were they thinking?”

Jungkook frowns, staring down at the oversized light-wash jean jacket. “You don’t like it?” he asks.

Jiyoon scoffs, “It looks ridiculous, you look ridiculous. What the hell did you do to your hair? A mullet, really? It’s a wonder you’re a model. You were okay with this?” The last part is directed at you, because, as the lead on his profile, you’re the one who signed off on the hair and makeup for the shoot.

“Hey now,” Taehyung states loud enough to quiet the table; he’s clearly not having any of Jiyoon’s antics tonight, long work day or not. “Keep your petty bullshit opinions for when you’re at home. Tonight isn’t about you or how handsome my best friend is in his jean jacket and new hairstyle.” You can tell he intentionally calls Jungkook his best friend instead of Jiyoon’s husband as an extra jab.

“I never said he wasn’t handsome,” she grumbles, rolling her eyes before looking at Jungkook and sighing. “Sorry, dear, I’m just under a lot of stress. You know I didn’t mean it.” Her eyes flick to yours. “I know it’s not your fault.” You just give her a subtle shake of your head, not sure how to respond.

Clearing his throat, Jungkook smiles, though it doesn’t reach his eyes, and tries to move the conversation along. “It’s okay. Let’s just focus on why we’re here tonight.” He swings his eyes toward you, his smile becoming genuine, and begins to loudly belt out Happy Birthday, much to your dismay. This draws the attention of everyone else in the bar and earns you a generous round of applause when the singing finally fades.

You try to enjoy the rest of your night, but every time Jungkook catches you staring at him, you can’t help but feel a small spike of guilt; guilt over the perhaps tiny, mostly insignificant, completely harmless crush you might, perhaps, maybe have on your best friend’s husband.

It’s hard not to be attracted to him; Jiyoon knows that—she flaunts that fact. She also knows her claws are deep in him, and he’s not going anywhere. Jungkook would pull down the moon for her and then ask if she wanted the sun, too. You swallow down the last of your pina colada, eyes once again locked on Jungkook as he throws his head back and laughs at something Taehyung said.

Jiyoon presses her arm against yours, leaning in close to you. In a soft voice meant only for you, she whispers, “He really is perfect, isn’t he?”

“Hm? Who?”

“Don’t play coy with me,” she giggles drunkenly. “I know you were staring at him. My husband.”

You shrug. “I wasn’t staring.”

Jiyoon sighs wistfully. “It’s okay to stare, I don’t mind. I know what he looks like, after all. He’s so beautiful when he’s happy. I wish I could give him what he wants, he’d be the perfect father…I’m so scared to lose him.” The last part is whispered, so soft it’s hard to hear.

Instantly, your guilt turns into something else: resolve. You can’t bear the defeat you hear in her voice. It’s not something you can even begin to fathom—what she and Jungkook are going through. It’s no wonder she has caustic words at times. You meant what you said earlier, what you told Jungkook you were willing to do. With that in mind, you make a mental note to start researching and do what you can to make sure at least someone gets a happy ending here.

💔💔💔

Jungkook

The night of your birthday kept playing over and over again in Jungkook’s head the days that followed. Now, just as evening is rolling around, one week later, he can’t stop thinking about what you said, your confirmation. On top of that, that night was probably the most fun Jungkook has had in a long time—as long as he excludes the prickly start after Jiyoon arrived. He’s used to her snide and biting remarks after a long work day. Brushing them to the side and sweeping them away is usually easy.

But for some reason—perhaps it was the high he was riding after your confession and confirmation—it bothered him that she was doing it in front of Taehyung—in front of you. As if somehow her criticisms might make you both believe them. Not that he cares about being good-looking to Taehyung, or you for that matter, not really. It’s just that his first thought was what if that made you change your mind? Not necessarily whether or not he’s attractive, but the exchange as a whole. What if Jiyoon’s blatant criticisms made you want to change your mind because it somehow planted doubt in your mind that they’re a happy and healthy environment for a child?

“Jungkook.” The frustrated snap of his name brings him out of his thoughts. His eyes focus on the bathroom mirror once more, on Jiyoon, who is standing behind him with her hands on her hips, accentuating the flattering cut of the navy-colored dress she’s wearing. “Are you even listening to me?”

Turning and leaning back against the counter, Jungkook gives her his full attention. “Uh, yeah, sorry. You were talking about having dinner with a client tonight, and you’re leaving now to meet with Dani so you can get some files.”

“Yes,” she says, her lips twitching in mild surprise, and Jungkook knows she was expecting him not to have been paying attention. “I don’t know how long the dinner will last, so don’t wait up for me. It’s likely I’ll be home late.” She turns to go back into the bedroom, and Jungkook isn’t sure what possesses him, but he surges forward and gently snags her wrist, turning her back toward him. “Uh?” she makes a sound of mild questioning irritation.

“I have something I need—er, want—to talk to you about. It should only take a moment.”

She shakes his hold off her wrist and gives him a placating smile. “Okay, well, talk while I finish getting ready at least.” Not waiting to see if he follows, she disappears into the bedroom and heads to the closet, rummaging through her jewelry.

“Okay, um. Okay,” Jungkook stumbles over his words, feeling like he’s under pressure for some reason. “So, the other night, it was brought up in conversation, and uh, she already agreed, and it’s just that, well, there’s this thing called intracervical insemination and…how do you feel about surrogacy?”

There is a heavy pause, dread threatening to make Jungkook backpedal and eat his words just to snatch them back out of the air. Jiyoon glances at him over her shoulder, but he can’t get a clear read on her eyes. “What? Oh, yeah, sure,” she says, turning back to her digging.

Jungkook can’t tell whether Jiyoon is the one paying attention to him now, so he probes further, just to be clear. “You mean that? You’re okay with going the surrogacy route? My sperm, her egg…your best friend carrying our baby?”

Jiyoon’s back is to Jungkook, but he watches how her shoulders slide up in a shrug. “Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

“I’m not sure, it’s just that with ICI—”

“Look, Jungkook,” Jiyoon says, turning to face him fully. Her fingers work at slipping a pair of silver hoops into her earlobes. “I trust you.” She says the words slowly, keeping her eyes intently locked on his. “I know you’ll do your best for us. Whatever you want, it’s what I want, too. You know that.”

“Well, um, do you have any questions? We should talk…discuss this, er, something. I know how you feel about IVF. I want to make sure this is an option you truly want, and you’re not just saying this to make me happy. You should take some more time to think about it.” The fact she’s so quick to agree makes Jungkook question whether or not he’s hearing what he thinks he’s hearing.

Jiyoon cups one of his cheeks, gently thumbing over his bottom lip. “I don’t need time to think, because I’ve already thought about it. I—well, I was going to bring it up to you soon, but I wanted to do a bit more research first.”

“Wait, what? Really? You were thinking about ICI, too?” Jungkook swallows hard, leaning into his wife's warm touch.

“Yeah,” she whispers, her soft smile making her eyes twinkle and his heart melt.

Jungkook can’t help letting his eyes drink in his wife. They might have been going through rough patches the last few years, but that hasn’t lessened how he feels about her. Jungkook has always found her strikingly beautiful, with long legs and shiny hair that he loves to run his fingers through. But at this moment, he feels like he might burst with the love he has for her.

“Yeah? Okay. Okay,” he tries to suppress the emotion in his words. “Okay, perfect. I love you. I love you so much!”

Jiyoon laughs, and it sounds magical, as Jungkook sweeps her into his arms and plants a kiss on her lips. “Don’t smear my lipstick, please,” she mumbles, her voice light and playful.

“Go have a good dinner, secure the client, and don’t worry about anything else,” Jungkook bubbles happily, setting Jiyoon back on her feet. “I swear I’ll take care of it all. Everything will be perfect, absolutely perfect.”

An hour later, Jungkook walks up to your apartment door. He couldn’t stop himself earlier, so he immediately texted you and asked to see you as soon as Jiyoon left for Dani’s.

The door swings open before he can knock, revealing you standing there breathless and in a set of purple checkered pajamas. “Is everything okay?” you ask, worry lines creasing between your brows. “Your text sounded urgent.”

“Oh.” Jungkook feels terrible for making you concerned. He didn’t mean for it to come off like that. “No, I mean, yes, everything is okay. But, no, it’s not exactly urgent. Sorry for that. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

You lean against the doorframe, eyes wide on his. “What is it?”

“Er, uh, do you mind if I come in? This is more of a sit-down kind of conversation.”

The little ‘o’ your lips form is far cuter than Jungkook has a right to think it is. His mind instantly latches onto it, wondering if the baby would have your lips or his. “O-okay, sure, come on in.”

Jungkook has visited your apartment a handful of times over the years. It’s quaint and cozy, exactly what he’d imagine for you. There are books everywhere, shelves full of thick and thin volumes of literary prose. A few art pieces decorate the walls, along with dozens and dozens of black-and-white photos in simple frames. He stirs up the recollection that you enjoy photography in your spare time.

“Sorry, again, about my text. I didn’t mean to worry you, really.” Jungkook feels nervous, unsure where to stand or even sit, until you gesture toward the couch. A handful of well-loved decorative pillows are scattered across the burgundy suede. He settles at one end as you take the other, looking at him expectantly.

A beat or two passes, and Jungkook feels like he’s about to swallow his tongue until you open your mouth, clearly picking up on his distress. “Is it something with work? I can try to fix whatever it is first thing in the morning—”

“No, no,” Jungkook holds up a hand, shaking his head. “It’s not work. It’s um, it’s actually Jiyoon. Well, me and her, specifically.”

You pull your knees up and tuck your feet underneath yourself. “Oh, okay.”

“Were you serious about what you said the other night?” Jungkook blurts, figuring it’s best, like ripping off a bandaid.

Your bottom lip has an indent left from where you tucked it between your teeth before nodding. “Yes.” Jungkook didn’t necessarily expect you to say no, but the rush of relief he feels at hearing that encourages him to press on.

“I talked with Jiyoon about it today and she—we—would be honored if you’d do that for us. If you’d give us a chance at having a family. It’s…it’s something we both, deeply, deeply desire. If you’re truly serious about it, we’ll take care of everything, all medical expenses, bills, anything…just name it, it’s yours.”

“That’s—okay, okay, yes. Yes, I’ll do it. Just tell me what I need to do.”

Jungkook whoops loudly, jumping up from the couch, and drags you into his arms for a bear hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I can’t even begin to explain what this means to me, to us. This is…I can’t…oh my, I need to—wait, okay. Sorry, let me calm down for a second.” The word vomit is real, and Jungkook uses his hold on you to ground himself, moving his hands to your shoulders and locking his eyes on yours. “I think I might pass out,” he whispers a second before bursting into a giddy laugh.

“Whoa, um, sit down. Please don’t pass out on me. You’re too big for me to catch!” Your frantic words make him laugh even harder.

He shakes his head, on cloud nine. “I’m kidding, kind of. I just feel…I feel so light, like—well, it doesn’t matter about that. What matters is you. Please don’t feel obligated to do this. That’s the last thing I want. If you are serious, I can send all the information you need to you in the morning. But only if you’re certain.”

“Jungkook,” the way you say his name makes his heart thump heavy in his chest as if his fate hinges on whatever comes next. “I am serious. I promise. I want to do this for you, for Jiyoon…I want to give you both the happiness you deserve.”

“Thank you,” Jungkook says fervently, never meaning something more in his life.

This happiness carries Jungkook through the rest of the evening, turning into a brilliant flame of intimacy when Jiyoon crawls into bed beside him hours later. For the first time in a long time, there is no schedule, no waiting for the perfect moment; it’s just the love shared between two souls celebrating the joys of life.

💔💔💔

The following day, several emails from Jungkook are waiting for you; Jiyoon CC’d on them all, as well as a few texts to check in. The idea that you could possibly be pregnant in the coming weeks or months—not just pregnant, but pregnant with Jungkook’s baby for your best friend—still feels a bit surreal.

You texted Jiyoon last night, expressing to her how much she means to you and that you’re honored she wants it to be you that helps her fulfill her dreams of having a family. She hasn’t replied yet, but that doesn’t bother you; she’s probably busy helping Jungkook with planning.

There is an entire email dedicated to medical referrals. Apparently, Jungkook spent hours pouring over all the local doctors and medical facilities vetting to find the best ones. Each has notes and suggestions under them, along with all the information you might need to call and make an appointment.

That’s really all you need to do: make an appointment for a check-up. Taehyung made an assumption of your health last night, but it doesn’t hurt to be sure. The last thing you’d want to do is be in poor health and unable to keep your word.

Your fingers tremble as you dial the numbers, and you have to take a few shallow breaths to get your voice to work properly. Minutes later, you have an appointment scheduled for later this week. Now, all you have to do is figure out how you’re going to wait the next few days and not burst from anticipation. It’s a slow few days.

Apparently, by Googling every possible thing you can think of about being a surrogate and pregnancies. Along with the emails full of information, by the time you’re walking into the clinic for your appointment at the end of the week, you feel confident asking questions.

“Being a surrogate is a pretty serious situation. Have you considered all the possibilities and what might be required of you?” The doctor has a pleasant demeanor; her eyes are intense yet kind. It might be the steel-colored strands scattered through her hair or the wrinkles that deepen around her eyes when she smiles, but you feel comfortable opening up to her.

You roll your lips between your teeth before saying, “Honestly? Probably not as much as most surrogates. I’m sure there are things I’m not aware of yet. It was only presented to me a few days ago. But I have done some extensive reading and soul-searching, and I know it’s what I want.”

Dr. Lee contemplates you for a moment before nodding. “Yes, I believe you do. Let’s get started, shall we?”

It’s not uncomfortable going through all the tests and procedures. There isn’t much the doctor does that you haven’t done before. Samples are taken, and a routine exam is performed. As you leave, the nurse tells you you should have results within the next two weeks.

Thankfully, the results come at the beginning of the following week. You’re sitting at your desk at work, reviewing the final details for the whiskey campaign Jungkook and Taehyung are shooting in a few days, when you get the notification that your results are viewable on your patient portal. A moment before you click into the email, your phone buzzes in your pocket.

“Hello?” you whisper, cupping your hand around the base of your phone and mouth. A nurse rattles off your information, ensuring she speaks to the right person. “Yes, speaking.”

“I just wanted to let you know that all of your results are in, and Dr. Lee has signed off on your request to move forward with the surrogacy…” Everything else the nurse says is a bit hazy. She covers the numbers for your tests and where to find resources for more information on at-home intracervical insemination. “Do you have any questions for me? Ma’am, are you still there?”

“Oh, umm, yes, sorry. No questions, thank you so much.”

The line disconnects, and you sit there for a few more moments, the phone still held to your ear, as you try to process the giddy feeling bubbling up inside you. You need to tell Jiyoon, Jungkook, someone…anyone. Pushing up from your desk, you scan the area around you for your best friend and come up empty.

“Hello?” Jungkook answers on the second ring.

“Jungkook.”

“Oh, hey. Everything okay?”

“What? Oh. Yes. Yes, everything is okay. Everything is perfect. Do you know where Jiyoon might be? I haven’t seen her since she came into the office this morning.” You rack your brain, trying to remember if you saw her leave or go into another room.

“Yeah, she called a little while ago and said that Namjoon was having her meet one of the new clients for lunch to sign some more papers.”

“Right, that’s right,” you say, recalling that Namjoon asked her to come into his office shortly after she arrived this morning.

“Why? What’s up?”

You drag a slow, shallow breath into your lungs in an effort to slow your rapidly beating heart. “I heard back from the doctor.”

Jungkook urges you to continue, “Yeah? What did they say? Is everything okay? Are you okay?”

“I’m…I’m great. I’m perfect. I’m—I, I can do it. We can do it. There’s a chart,” you explain, wedging your phone between your ear and your shoulder to free your hands so you can pull up the email you got and forward it to him. “It has an estimated schedule and recommendations on timing for the best results. I just sent everything over to you.”

“I got it. Wow. Okay. Wow. Oh my…wow! I need to call Jiyoon. Fuck. Oh my god. Okay, thank you! I’ll call you back later, okay?” The line disconnects after Jungkook says a hurried goodbye, the elation in his voice evident.

According to the doctor's ovulation chart, the best time for you to begin trying is next week. Conception is most likely during a twenty-four-hour period. On your way home, you stop and pick up an ovulation testing kit so you can remain on track.

You arrive home filled with nervous energy, unable to stop smiling as you unpack the things you picked up at the pharmacy. A large box of pregnancy tests goes beside the ovulation kit in your medicine cabinet, along with a pack of medical gloves and hand sanitizer. You’re not sure what you’ll need, exactly, but you figure it’s better to have it and not need it than the other way around.

“Jiyoon!” you gush, swiping to answer the call coming in on your phone. “Hi!”

“Hey, I just got off the phone with Jungkook.” There is a lot of background noise, and it’s hard to hear her clearly.

“Oh, wonderful! I got the results today. There is a possibility of next week being—”

A loud laugh cuts through from Jiyoon’s end, the added clang of dishes drowning you out further. “Sorry, I’m still at dinner. Next week, you say? I’ll be going on a business trip the whole of next week, Namjoon wants me to travel with a client for a go-see.”

Disappointment drags at your shoulders and has your smile softening into a frown. You suppose it can wait a few more weeks. “Okay, no problem. That will give us time to plan a bit more anyway.”

“Sure thing!” Jiyoon yells, the line cutting out momentarily. “I’ll catch you later. I can’t wait to see you when I get back. Thank you. I love you so much!”

“Okay, yeah, love you—” The line goes dead before you can finish. “Love you, too,” you murmur into the quiet of your apartment.

A minor setback. But it’s okay; you’re sure you were getting ahead of yourself anyway. Taking a few weeks to confirm things and actually come up with a game plan is probably for the better. But it doesn’t hurt to start doing that now. Letting the smile that hadn’t left your face most of the day slide back onto your lips, you continue setting up everything in your bathroom so it’ll be there for when you do need it.

It turns out you don’t have to wait—at least, according to Jungkook. From the constant flood of text messages you’ve gotten from him over the last few days, as much as Jiyoon would love to be there to help, she’s given her blessing to proceed with the ICI without her. In her own words, via a text you got last night, there will be plenty more for her to be present for, and she’s far too excited for you to wait for her to return.

Jiyoon has been relatively quiet, but Jungkook explained in delicate words that she’s okay; she just has a lot on her plate right now. Even though it may seem like she’s on the outside, it’s more that this is a very sensitive topic for Jiyoon. Despite wanting a child, ICI is nearly as taboo a subject as IVF when it comes to Jiyoon; you know this. She’s told you how much it makes her feel like a failure. So, you’re content when Jungkook takes full responsibility for the surrogacy journey and has promised to be there for you every step of the way, including coming over to your place tonight to help you with the first ICI attempt.

You’ve been testing your ovulation each morning, and the positive test strip in your bathroom trash has started a full-tilt, day-long extravaganza. It’s a Thursday, just a few days after you got your green light from the doctor, meaning you were able to leave work early and are now sitting on your couch waiting patiently for Jungkook to arrive.

All your research and reading about ICI makes you nervous about what’s to come. It’s not that you’re going to be explicitly intimate with Jungkook, but you’re well aware of the fact that fresh sperm samples, as in within a thirty-minute window, are the best. Which means, he’s going to have to somehow provide the sample while he’s here.

The idea of Jungkook masturbating in your bathroom should feel awkward or perhaps embarrassing to think about, yet you’re oddly comfortable with it. It’s a natural thing, something necessary to create something that’s going to be beautiful.

By the time Jungkook knocks on your door, your hands are clammy, and it takes you two tries to get the handle to turn. He greets you with a giant smile and shining eyes, absolutely breathtaking.

“Hi,” he breathes.

“Hi,” you parrot, unable to contain from reflecting the smile still on his face. “Please, come on in.”

“Thanks.” Jungkook steps past you, and the soft fragrance of his laundry detergent catches in your nose. “I brought everything we need,” he says, holding up a bag. He’s wearing the same denim jacket he was the other night, a white T-shirt underneath above a pair of worn, light-washed jeans, and black boots on his feet that he toes off before heading into your living room.

“Can I get you anything to drink or maybe something to eat? Have you had dinner yet?” You’re not sure how this is going to go, if it’s just going to be a clinical experience or something more comfortable between friends. Because you are friends, right? At this point, you should consider him more than just your best friend’s husband; he should at least be seen as a friend of yours, too.

Jungkook deposits the bag on your couch and turns to look at you. “Um, maybe if you had some beer or something, but I know you don’t drink—” There is a nervous energy to the way he’s talking, words coming out a little too quickly “—so, er, maybe just some water is fine.”

“Actually,” you say, hurrying into the kitchen and opening the fridge, “I got, well, is this okay?” You hold up a 6-pack of beer you bought on a whim a few nights ago. It’s true that you don’t really drink, but you weren’t thinking of yourself at the time that you bought it. In actuality, you were thinking of Jungkook, knowing he’s partial to this brand, and figured…well, you’re not sure what you figured, you bought it before you could give it too much thought.

The corner of Jungkook’s mouth lifts, his smile turning into a light smirk. “Wow, my favorite. I’d love to, but actually, I’m not sure if I should, no matter how nervous I am right now…not until after, at least. I haven’t read anything about how alcohol might impact things, but I’ve not had a drop of alcohol to drink nor a bite of junk food in the last week, just in case.”

“Oh, right. Of course, I should have thought about that.”

“No, it’s okay. I wasn’t thinking either, I haven’t been able to think about much at all, if I’m being honest,” Jungkook laughs nervously, one of his hands rubbing at the back of his neck. “Is this weird? Are you sure you want to do this?”

It is weird, but not in a bad way, and you don’t want to admit that because you don’t want him to worry. So, you simply smile and shake your head. “It’s not all that weird, it’s…well, just not weird. I am nervous,” you decide to give him at least that. “I’m worried that it might not work, or that I might do something wrong.”

“W-what do you think you might do wrong?” Jungkook asks, moving closer to you. “I’ve…I’ve read a lot about the how, I even got an informational video from my doctor.”

You can feel heat crawling up your neck. “I’m not sure, exactly. I guess just the whole process in general.”

There is a beat where you can see Jungkook contemplating his words. He chews on his bottom lip, eyes unfocused for a moment before returning to you. “I could help if you want. Purely in a platonic, helpful way, no funny business, I swear.”

“Um, I don’t know if that…uh, I can try first, maybe?” You can’t seem to swallow past the thick knot in your throat at the thought of asking Jungkook to help assist you in…well, that.

“Sure, okay. Should we…get started?” Jungkook asks, his eyes flicking back to the bag he dropped on your couch. 

Your stomach flips at his words. “Yeah,” you say, voice barely above a whisper, feeling suddenly even more shy than usual.

“Great.” Jungkook claps his hands together before retrieving the bag from the couch. “I have everything we need. It's probably best if we begin this in the bathroom.”

Your apartment has one bathroom, which is joined to the bedroom but is still accessible through the hallway. Jungkook leads the way down the hall, flicking on the light inside the bathroom before stepping aside to let you in as well.

“Have you talked with Jiyoon?” you ask, seeking something to fill the silence as you watch him unpack everything from the bag and arrange it on the bathroom counter.

Jungkook shakes his head in a so-so manner. “I spoke with her for a few minutes earlier to let her know the plan for tonight. She couldn’t talk long and it was hard to hear with all the background noise, but she’s excited and said she can’t wait to be back at the end of the week.”

After washing his hands, Jungkook opens up the packet of a large sterile pad and spreads it out across the rest of the counter. From the research you’ve done, you recognize some of the things he begins to set out. There is a collection cup with an orange screw-on lid, a large syringe with a hose attaching it to a bulbous silicone mushroom-shaped plug, and several single-use packets of water-based lube. He also sets out a box of pregnancy tests, giving you a sheepish smile when you raise an eyebrow at it.

“I, uh, bought some, too,” you say, opening the medicine cabinet to show him the large box of pregnancy tests sitting between your ovulation test kit and your toothbrush.

Jungkook smiles. “I guess we’re on the same wavelength, huh?”

You have to stop yourself from leaning too far into the unusual, yet enticingly warm and appealing, feeling you get when he smiles like that. Clearing your throat, you gesture to the spread of tools. “What now?”

“I think we should discuss a game plan, make sure we know what to do and when to do it. There are some things I’ve read online, plus the directions in this pamphlet,” he says, slipping a folded paper from the box the inseminator came in.

Leaning in, you try to read the step-by-step process written on the paper over Jungkook’s shoulder. He shifts, steps closer to you, and angles the pamphlet to make it easier for you to see.

“Step one, collect the sample. Step two, transfer the sample into the syringe. Step three, insert the silicone plug into the…v-vagina,” you choke over the word, feeling heat licking up your neck, “as close to the cervix as possible. Step four, depress the plunger to administer the sample.”

“Seems pretty simple, right?”

You’re not sure you’d say simple. Sure, step by step, it looks pretty straightforward, but you seem to be responsible for the most challenging part, and that makes you even more nervous than before. “Yeah, simple.”

“Give me a few minutes, I need to—uh,” he points to the sample cup. “I’ll, you know.”

“Oh, right, right, of course. I’ll just—" you hook a thumb over your shoulder towards the door that leads to your bedroom ”—wait in there.”

It’s hard not to pace around your bedroom as you wait. You try to stick to the far side of your bedroom, not wanting to come too close to the bathroom and overhear anything you shouldn’t. The fact your best friend’s husband is in your bathroom masturbating is a weird enough revelation, albeit a necessary one for the ICI procedure; you’d still rather afford him some privacy.

After three minutes, you stop counting the seconds that pass, realizing that means you’re counting how long it takes for Jungkook to produce the sample. Which is something you’re vehemently trying to avoid thinking about so casually.

The bathroom door opening startles you, stopping you in your tracks. Jungkook clears his throat. “Ready?”

You move over to the bathroom. “I think so.”

“Hey, it’s going to be okay. You can do this and don’t forget, I’ll be here if you need any help, promise. Purely for help, for the process.” Jungkook swipes a finger in an x over his chest. “Cross my heart.”

“You’re right,” you say, trying to bolster your own confidence. “I can do this.”

You step past Jungkook and into the bathroom, but his hand on your arm pulls you up short. “Wait, wait. Would you feel more comfortable doing it in your room? It’s just that I’ve read it’s best if you could lay on your back with your hips elevated for fifteen to thirty minutes after.” He nods at your bed. “More comfortable than the bathroom floor.”

The idea of doing this on your bed crosses a line, taking this from a medical process to something far more intimate. “Maybe just a pillow,” you say, grabbing one of the decorative throw pillows you never seem to remember to put back on your bed but keep in a small pile on the floor instead.

“Okay.” Jungkook gives you a small smile, and it makes his eyes look soft and bright. The kind of smile you hope you can help him bestow onto a baby.

You leave the door unlocked, just in case you need his help. In your bathroom, there is no evidence of Jungkook's actions other than the very full sample cup sitting on the medical pad covering the counter.

The cup is warm to the touch, which is startling, though you know it shouldn’t be. Placing the pillow down on the floor, you shimmy your pants and panties down your legs and step out of them. There is a lingering scent in the bathroom; it’s a mix of Jungkook’s cologne but also of something clinical. You realize there are two empty packets of lube in your trashcan, and you can’t help the image that pieces itself together in your mind.

Swallowing hard against the threatening flood of further indecent thoughts, you move quickly to prepare the inseminator. It’s a systematic process you can do with little thought—safe—unscrewing the cap of the cup and filling the syringe. Once you’re in position on the floor, hips elevated on the pillow, empty packets of lube discarded and your body primed, you take the silicone plug in one hand and the syringe in the other.

The directions make it seem so easy. But as you try to fit the silicone plug inside, you can’t seem to get it to go where you want it. It keeps slipping sideways and tugging at the tube connecting it to the syringe. Your heart begins to race as you realize you might not be able to do this—not on your own, at least.

By the fourth try, fifteen minutes have passed, and you’re in full-blown panic mode. Your breath wheezes in and out as you crunch up, hands fumbling between your thighs, and sweat forming on your brow. “Oh god, oh god. I—uh, god dammit…Jungkook!” His name is out of your mouth in a strangled yell before you can stop it.

“What is it? Is everything okay? Are you okay?” The frantic words are muffled through the door. The door rattles on its hinges, and you can tell he’s pressing up against it from the sound of denim scuffing along it, probably pressing his ear against it in an effort to hear your response.

You’ve managed to get it inside, but you’re not sure if you can get it all the way in, pressed up against your cervix where it needs to be. It’s possible you used too much lube, though the idea that it’s possible to have too much lubricant seems ridiculous. But no matter what you do or how far you press your fingers in, you’re either at a wrong angle, or your fingers keep slipping on the plug too much. Asking Jungkook for help is the last thing you want to do, but you’re not sure what other options there are.

“C-can you come in here?” you ask in a hoarse voice. There is a moment of silence before the door eases open and Jungkook sticks his head inside. His eyes are closed so tight it makes you let out a snap of nervous laughter. “I think…I think I need help. I’m sorry, I just can’t—it’s not going in all the way, I don’t think,” you gush in explanation.

“Do you—is it okay if I?” Jungkook asks, leaving the obvious unsaid.

“Um, yes…please. I’ve tried, and I just…I don’t want to ruin this. I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Jungkook shuffles into the bathroom, eyes still firmly closed and arms out in the air. “Um, where exactly are you so I don’t step on you by accident?”

Snagging the edge of the towel hanging on the rack, you pull it down and drape it over your knees to make yourself as decent as you can be in this situation. “Just open your eyes, it’s okay.”

Slowly, his eyes peek open and finally land on where you’re laid out on the floor, bent knees covered in a towel and your shirt askew from all your efforts.

“How can I help?” Jungkook kneels down beside you, shrugging out of his jacket and tossing it to the side.

“I just…I don’t know if it’s all the way in. Can you—with your hand, I know that’s horrible and weird, but I don’t know what else to—”

“No, no, it’s not weird. I said I’d help. It’s clinical, right? We’re doing this just as a medical procedure. Like I said, no funny business, I swear. It’s for the baby. I’ll help you.”

“Okay.” You nod, squeezing your eyes shut because it’s hard to look him in the eye when he’s about to—the towel shifts, and cool air licking between your thighs has your mind going blank.

“Look at me,” Jungkook requests, to which you immediately comply. “I need you to promise me you’ll let me know if I hurt you or do something you don’t like. I’ll stop immediately, okay?” When you don’t immediately say anything, he adds, “I need you to tell me you understand.”

“I understand.”

Stretching across to the sink, Jungkook keeps his eyes on yours as he washes his hands and then shifts the towel more, folding it up and over your knees. “I’m going to place my hand on your thigh. Is that okay?”

“Yes.”

His fingers are gentle against your skin, softer than you expected, and warm from the water. You can feel errant droplets of water streak down your thigh and roll over the bottom of your ass. You try to focus on that feeling instead of the way Jungkook’s hand trails down your thigh until his fingers graze your outer lips.

“I’m going to use two of my fingers to try and seat the inseminator. Is that okay?”

“Yes,” this time, it comes out as more a breath than a word.

You tense at the subtle press of his fingers and how they probe their way down until they find your entrance. There is easily enough lube down there to grease a bakery’s worth of cake pans, considering the half a dozen empty packets now in your trashcan, but you can’t help but take a deep, fortifying breath as he begins to press in.

“Still okay?” he asks, fingers moving achingly slow.

“I think so.”

Jungkook’s brow pinches. “I feel it…only about two inches in. I’m going to push it further now. Tell me if it hurts or is uncomfortable.”

Never in a million years did you think you’d ever find yourself in this position. Not only are you butterflied open on your bathroom floor, but your best friend’s husband is now middle-knuckle deep in your vagina, and you’re not sure how to feel about it. In fact, you’re trying to do everything you can to not think about how you stretch around the intrusion of his fingers, or that it feels far better than it should.

“Do you think you can get it all the way?” you ask, voice warbling with nerves.

Jungkook hums, his lips pushing out as if he is trying to concentrate. “I think I’m almost there. Does that feel okay, is it good?” 

Not once does he look away from you as he’s pushing deeper into your body. You think you want him to look away, to break that intimate contact, but you can’t even bring yourself to do that—even though you know you should. And the whispered exchange does little to help. Is it good? You’re going to burn in hell for the thoughts now flooding through.

“Oh!” You jolt in place, eyes going wide, all previous thoughts gathering into one singular point. Jungkook mirrors your surprise, his mouth popping open in silent shock.

“I’m so sorry!” he babbles. “I didn’t mean to do that. Oh fuck, god damn, shit…okay, sorry, let me just—” Jungkook is still gentle, yet swift in finishing seating the inseminator before quickly extracting his fingers from your body. “Please believe me when I say I am sorry, and I swear I wasn’t trying…I wasn’t trying to do that.”

Your body is still buzzing from the that he’s talking about—the graze of his thumb over your clit. It’s clear it was an accident by his reaction, but it does nothing to lessen the pulse that is now singing through your body.

“I-it’s okay. Really, it’s okay. It’s fine.” You’re not sure if your words are convincing enough, but Jungkook jerks his head in what you assume is a nod of acknowledgement.

“Um, it’s, uh, it’s in. Do you need me to do the syringe, too?”

“Just do it.” You exhale a shaky breath, finally tearing your eyes away from his. You’re confident he’s still watching you, even as he depresses the syringe and injects his cum into your body—as crass as that sounds in your head, that’s exactly what’s happening, and it’s the first time you think you’re realizing how truly fucked you are for this.

Nothing has happened between you and Jungkook, not in that way, but for some reason, guilt won’t leave you alone. You feel like you’ve just betrayed Jiyoon and feel even more like a ridiculous schoolgirl ruining her life over a crush on a boy. You’re intimately aware of the warmth and the subtle change in pressure as he finishes depressing the inseminator. It makes you want to squirm, but you chew your bottom lip and tap your toes instead.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asks, his voice soft and gentle.

“I should be asking you that,” you sigh.

Jungkook balks. “What? Why would you say that? I’m fine…I’m the one that—” He nods toward where your body is now covered with the towel again. As soon as he was done plunging the depressor, he unfolded the towel and made you decent once more.

“You didn’t mean to,” you say, maybe more as a reminder to yourself than him.

“No, but that doesn’t make it okay.” Jungkook settles back on his heels, using one of the wet wipes that came in the kit to clean his hands. Suddenly, he laughs. “This is ridiculous, right? I mean, look at us, we just did something…beautiful, and we’re not allowing ourselves to enjoy it.”

You chuckle softly, fidgeting with one of the ends of the towel. “It is kind of ridiculous, huh? Sorry that I freaked out and you had to do…that.”

”I’m not. Sorry, that is. I’m glad you asked for my help. We’re in this together.” Jungkook gives you a smile, similar to the one he wore when he knocked on your door over an hour ago, and takes up the hand not pinching at the towel in his, squeezing it. “I don’t know that I can even begin to articulate with words just what this means to me. Thank you so much.”

“It means a lot to me, as well. Being able to do this for you and Jiyoon is not something you need to thank me for. I’d do anything for her. She’s my best friend. We’ve been through so much together over the last twenty years…I just want to see her happy. You, too, of course.”

Jungkook hums in the back of his throat, keeping his hand wrapped around yours as he leans back, using the side of the tub for support. A comfortable silence settles between the two of you, spanning several minutes until Jungkook speaks again. “Have you ever thought about being a mom, you know, before this?”

It’s on the tip of your tongue to answer with what you think he wants to hear, that this has always been your wish, but instead, you choose to give him an honest answer. “Not really.”

”Why not? If you don’t mind me asking.”

If it were anyone else asking, you might mind, but…

You purse your lips before offering yet another truth. “I guess I just…I’m me, you know?”

”No, I don’t think I do know. What do you mean?”

“I’m a single woman in my thirties with no prospects on the horizon. My last boyfriend was over five years ago. I’m a modern-day spinster. Nothing is wrong with that, I love who I am…I just, no one has ever shown interest in me like that. Though it’s not necessary to have another person in the picture, it’s just that…I don’t even know, I’m rambling, sorry.”

Jungkook looks at you for a long moment, and it’s so hard to read his expression. All you want to do is plead with him to tell you what’s on his mind.

“You shouldn’t do that to yourself,” he finally says.

”Do what?” you ask, uncertain what he’s referring to.

“Sell yourself short like that. You are easily one of the hardest-working people I’ve ever met. You have a successful career and amazing tastes in art and food. Not to mention, you have the biggest heart of anyone I know. You’re…you’re amazing, and I know for a fact that people think so, too.” 

You puff out a breath, trying not to laugh at him. “How could you possibly know that?”

“Because I’m one of them. I wouldn’t choose just anyone to do this with. After all, the baby will be half of you, too. A win-win in my book.” The corner of his mouth tilts in a small smile.

You’re pretty certain you’ve never had something create such a viscerally emotional response in you. It takes everything you have to blink away the sudden onslaught of tears that threaten to overwhelm you.

When you finally think you can speak without melting into a blubbering mess, you whisper, “I think you’re pretty amazing, too.”

💔💔💔

Jungkook

It’s well after midnight by the time Jungkook makes it home. He’s positively buzzing and can’t even think about going to bed just yet. There is far too much going on in his head, so he decides to expend some energy in the tiny home gym he turned one of the spare rooms into.

The condo he and Jiyoon bought two years into their marriage is spacious, spanning half the second and third floors of the building. There is a three-car garage on the first floor, as well as an elevator that leads to the landing out front. Across the landing is where Taehyung lives with his roommate Jimin, another well-to-do model they met through Kim Exclusives.

Jiyoon stuck her nose up at the fact that Taehyung was buying the unit across from them when Jungkook first told her, but so far, it hasn’t caused too many problems over the years. It helps at times like this, when Jiyoon is traveling for work, to have a friend so close by. Usually, Jungkook would knock next door when he can’t get his head cleared, but for some reason, Jungkook doesn’t want to tell Taehyung about what happened at your place. He doesn’t want to tell anyone, for that matter, holding onto it as a private thing for as long as possible.

Losing himself in sets of squats and curls is far safer than describing in maddening detail the way your soft, lush—Jungkook slams his hand against the squat rack and forces his thoughts away from that line of thinking.

Just because you’re a gorgeous woman with a nice body doesn’t give him the right to think about you like that. Especially considering he’s married to your best friend, whom he loves more than anything. Besides, he’s better than that, knows the whole alpha male hindbrain is the stuff of fantasy. There is no excuse for him having such sordid and outlandish thoughts about you like that. It was simply doing what needed to be done to help—for the baby.

With that in his mind instead, he moves through the motions of his workout. By the time he’s dripping sweat and his muscles are trembling with fatigue, the sun is starting to peek through the windows, and he hasn’t thought about you in hours—well, not much, at least. And when he does, he says it's just because he's thinking of what might be passed down to your baby—er—his and Jiyoon's baby—he reminds himself.

It’s been an excruciating three weeks waiting and waiting to hear from you about something other than work. After Jiyoon returned home from her business trip, Jungkook told her about that night, including the accidental slip-up. At first, she was upset, accusing him of taking advantage of her best friend. It took hours of strained conversation to get her to understand that it was more of a clinical procedure than Jungkook fingering you.

When that accusation was first thrown out, Jungkook was at a loss for words and completely thrown off the tracks. Jiyoon apologized, saying she didn’t understand how he didn’t think she’d be upset about it but that she’d forgive him for it anyway. She then gathered Jungkook into her arms, and they cuddled in bed for the first time in what felt like forever.

Jungkook wasn’t sure if Jiyoon would confront you at work over it, but as the days continued on without a peep from you, he figured things were okay between the two of you. There were times when Jungkook wished something had gone down with you and Jiyoon because then, at least, he’d have an excuse to talk to you in a way that didn’t make him look like he only cared about you now that you were possibly pregnant or with something work-related.

He knows these things take time, and there is only so much he can do. So, he’s been pouring himself into work and filling his schedule with as many activities as possible to keep his mind off of waiting.

“Jungkook, let’s go.” Taehyung raps his knuckles on Jungkook’s shoulder, grabbing his attention. “Head out of the clouds, daddy-o, we’re needed in hair and makeup.”

Sighing, Jungkook hauls himself off the couch in the studio waiting room and follows Taehyung into the space where the makeup and hair artists are set up. He arrived at the studio early this morning and had spent the last hour spilling his guts to Taehyung, something he promised himself he wouldn’t do but couldn’t keep it contained any longer.

“Don’t call me that,” Jungkook grumbles.

Taehyung smirks. “What? Is that not what you’re hoping to be called? Don’t tell me you and Jiyoon are into daddy roleplay. That might make it a little weird to have your kid also call you daddy—ow!”

Rubbing the back of his head where Jungkook smacked him, Taehyung harrumphs before sidestepping the line of chairs and taking a seat in the one farthest from Jungkook.

“Fuck off, Taehyung. After everything I just told you, that’s all you have to say?”

Taehyung throws up his hands, and the hairdresser at his station begins to comb through his black tresses. “The way it seems to me, you’re the only one making a big deal about this. If you want to check on her, I’m sure she won’t think it’s only because she’s your possible surrogate and not because you’re friends after this. And sure, you stuck your fingers into your wife’s best friend’s vagina, but so what? It was what you needed to do. If I really needed you to touch my dick in order to complete an important procedure, I hope you’d do it with a smile on your face.”

Jungkook opens his mouth to protest but closes it when he realizes he can’t really argue against that. Taehyung is right. He did what he had to do. Hell, he knows that, he used those words himself when explaining it to Jiyoon. There’s just this feeling he can’t shake, he’s far too nervous and on edge right now. If only you’d reach out, put him out of his misery with an update.

“I hate it when you’re right. I’ll stop being such a—”

“Hi, guys.”

“Excuse me, ma’am, only staff and models are allowed back here.”

“Whoa, hey, wait. She’s our manager, and she can be here.” Jungkook is quick to spout, not caring if there is desperation evident in his voice. Once his eyes landed on you, it was all he could do not to jump up from the makeup chair, cross the room, and drop to his knees and beg for an update.

The directing assistant who stepped in your path gives you a once-over that makes Jungkook grind his teeth, but he just sighs and steps to the side. “Okay, but you’re both needed on set in fifteen,” he says, directing the last part toward Jungkook and Taehyung.

“It’s okay, I won’t be long. I just…” You hold up a thin manilla envelope and give it a shake. “Jiyoon is out of the office for the day, she said I should let you see first and that you could tell her later tonight at home. So, here I am. I thought we could look together.”

The makeup artist dabbing a sponge on Jungkook’s jaw lifts an eyebrow when he jerks forward in the chair, intent on scrambling across the room despite being in the middle of blending.

“Two minutes,” she says, stepping back from Jungkook and turning to the makeup collection on her table.

“Okay!” Jungkook springs from the chair and rushes over to you, having no regard for the way his hair flops out of place on his forehead. “Hi,” he says when he’s standing in front of you. “I didn’t realize you had an appointment today.”

“I didn’t,” you tell him. “I just wasn’t feeling all that well this morning, so…well, I just wanted to ensure everything was okay. They had to do a pregnancy test, it was routine.” You offer the folder to him. “Want to do the honors?”

Jungkook’s fingers are trembling as he takes the folder from you. It takes him three tries to get the flap open and to extract the slip of paper inside. You give him an encouraging smile as he looks to you for reassurance before letting his eyes sweep over the report.

“It’s…we’re…you’re…holy fuck. You’re pregnant. You’re pregnant! YOU’RE PREGNANT!” Jungkook shouts before breaking out into a bout of ecstatic laughter. “Fucking hell, oh my god, you’re pregnant! I’m going to be a father. Me. A father. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Yes!”

You join in his laughter, the sound pleasant and musical, as he throws his arms around you and spins you in a circle. There are shining tears in your eyes when he sets you down again, happiness clear on your face. “I’m pregnant,” you whisper, the words reverent and full of awe.

There have never been more beautiful words. Jungkook can’t help but say them again. “We’re pregnant.”

It’s hard to say if what Jungkook is feeling right now is considered a healthy response to what his wife, Jiyoon, just told him. But, the erratic beat of his heart paired with the incessant ringing in his ears doesn’t necessarily feel bad, just like he’s having some sort of out-of-body experience.

“Say that again,” he requests, softly smacking his lips, trying to work moisture back into his mouth.

Jiyoon sighs, shuffling the papers on her lap. “I’m pregnant,” she repeats the same words you said just two weeks ago.

“You’re certain?” Jungkook wants to believe he heard her correctly but can’t help asking for clarity again.

“I am.” Jiyoon smiles at Jungkook, her eyes watery. “It’s right here, look.”

Jungkook hesitantly takes the top sheet of paper from Jiyoon, letting his eyes devour the words and numbers on it. It’s all there, everything he needs to see and know for the truth—hCG levels far, far above average, an inked red circle around it along with a doctor’s barely legible scrawl of ‘pregnant’ beside that.

“How far along? It’s been—” Jungkook pauses to try to do the math in his head; it’s been weeks since they were last intimate—the night they agreed to do ICI. 

“About eight weeks,” Jiyoon offers. “I suspected a few weeks ago, you know, when I was a little sick that weekend—the one when we found out about, well, I didn’t want to get my hopes up or disappoint you if it wasn’t true, especially after such good news…so I scheduled an appointment. I had to be sure, had to be certain.”

“You’re pregnant.” The words feel thick on Jungkook’s tongue, like he’s trying to talk through a mouthful of peanut butter; sweet, decadent peanut butter.

“I am,” she whispers, the confirmation turning into a squeal of laughter as Jungkook sweeps her into his arms and shouts his own happiness.

Peppering kisses all over Jiyoon’s face, Jungkook hops around, alternating between shouting how much he loves her and how he can’t believe his luck. “I’m going to be a father. Twice! What did I do to deserve this?! I love you so much. Fuck!”

“Calm down,” Jiyoon giggles. “Put me down before you make me hurl.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” Jungkook pants, setting Jiyoon back down on her feet. “I’m just so excited!” He wiggles his hips and shimmies his shoulders. “We’ll need to order a second crib. Should we have the babies share a room at first? That seems the easier option, right? I bet there is a book on that somewhere, I need to go—”

“Hey, calm, right?” Jiyoon’s smile is warm, soft. “We have time. There is no need to rush. Can we just enjoy this for a little while longer?” she asks, grabbing one of his hands and placing it over her belly.

“Yes. Yes, yes, yes.” Pressing his forehead to hers, Jungkook wraps his other arms around Jiyoon and sighs contentedly. “I love you so much, babe.”

“I love you, too, Jungkook.”

💔💔💔

Jiyoon seems nervous, pushing around the chopped salad on her plate as she chews her bottom lip. She hasn’t met your eyes the entire time you’ve been at lunch. You want to ask her what’s wrong, but you’ve been friends with her long enough to know that she’ll come to you with it when she wants, and pushing won’t do you any good.

“So,” she draws the word out, lips forming an exaggerated pucker.

“Yes?”

“How are you feeling?” You can tell that’s not what she wants to say or ask, but you indulge her anyway, hoping you’ll get to the actual matter of why she insisted on going to lunch with you today.

You shift in your seat, setting your fork down on your half-empty plate. “I feel good. I just have some nausea in the mornings sometimes, but it’s not too bad.”

Finally, Jiyoon’s eyes come up to meet yours. “I know what you mean,” she says, the words slow and enunciated—pointed. Her free hand flutters over her belly as if for emphasis.

“What?” The word is more breath than question. “You are?”

“I am,” Jiyoon confirms, tears shining in her eyes.

“Oh, my goodness! Jiyoon! What? But how? Oh my goodness! That’s wonderful!” You can’t contain your excitement for your friend, throwing yourself across the tabletop to hug her fiercely.

She’s laughing as you sit back down, clearly buzzing with her own excitement. “We just found out. It seems a miracle was in our cards after all. It’s still early, nine weeks or so now.” That would make it just two weeks, give or take, before you and Jungkook did the ICI.

“Wow,” you breathe, your own hand landing on your stomach. “They might as well be twins. It’ll be so cool—what?” Jiyoon’s frown stilts your excitement. “What is it?”

She casts her eyes away from yours again, pulling her full bottom lip between her teeth before letting it pop back out. “I don’t know. I just thought…it’s not too late if you wanted to—I just know it’s a lot on someone, your body, the pain and everything that comes after. And now that I’m pregnant, it’s just, we don’t expect you to continue…if you don’t want. We’d be completely understanding and fully supportive if you—”

“Termination? Is that…what you’re talking about? And Jungkook agrees?”

Her nose wrinkles. “I don’t like that word. I’m just saying that we will support your decision to do that if you’d like. It was never in the plans to have more than one child, and now it would be two newborns at the same time…that’s a lot, you know? Twice as many diapers, bottles, and sleepless nights. It would be hard to say goodbye, but we’d still love you and not think less of you for it.”

Your mouth feels too dry for you to form words. You know what she’s saying. Though there isn’t a single ounce of you that desires that, you also understand the hesitation Jiyoon is expressing. She’s right. There wasn’t a plan for two babies. So, what now? Do you volunteer to help? Do you seek out the advice of a lawyer to know where your parental rights might sit in the case they decide they don’t want the baby in the end? So many thoughts swirl through your mind that it makes you dizzy.

“Can I think about it?” you ask, feeling for the first time a wave of uncertainty.

Jiyoon gives you what you assume is supposed to be an assuring smile. “Of course. And if you decide not to, I’m sure we can come up with some sort of system. We’ll figure it out.”

She seems so sure that no matter your decision, it’ll all be okay. “Really?”

“Absolutely. I want—we want, these babies, even if we didn’t plan for two. I was just letting you know that there is that option if you want it.”

“I-I don’t think I do, but if that changes…I’ll let you know.”

“That’s all I ask! Now, tell me, what do you think it’ll be?” she asks, patting her flat stomach again. “A boy or a girl? I’m leaning more towards a boy…”

💔💔💔

Jungkook

Jungkook still can’t believe his life. Two babies—two extraordinary miracles, it’s surreal—perfect. His calendar has never been more full. There’s the regular schedule of photo shoots, meetings, and other client work but now those are penned in between the baby classes he’s signed up for and various doctor’s appointments.

One of which is scheduled this afternoon, just a few hours after another this morning. There is your ten-week and then Jiyoon’s three-month appointment. Things have been going great with the pregnancies being so close together, but it does sometimes make appointments and times overlap. Which is how Jungkook finds himself sprinting across the parking lot of Jiyoon’s doctor’s office. He’s late—really late. He didn’t mean to arrive so late. It’s just that your appointment ran a little longer than expected, and traffic wasn’t exactly on his side, either.

Just as Jungkook puts his hand on the handle to open the door to the doctor’s office, it swings outward, nearly smacking him in the face. Jiyoon glares at him, a peeved sigh escaping her.

“You missed it.”

“What? No. I still have—” he glances down at his watch. “The appointment should have lasted at least forty-five minutes, and it’s only been thirty.”

Jiyoon rolls her eyes. “They were able to get me in a few minutes early.” She pushes past him and starts towards her car. “Everything is fine, by the way. The baby is measuring small but is still healthy. Thanks for asking,” she snarks, holding up a length of printed film.

Jungkook grabs the strip from her hand, jogging to keep up with her angry strides. “Wow,” he whispers, looking down at the 2D images. “She’s beautiful, so tiny.”

“She? It could be a boy.”

“Is that what you hope it is?” Jungkook asks, skipping ahead of Jiyoon before turning and walking backwards in front of her. His eyes barely leave the black-and-white grainy images. He traces over the faintly-there contours of the face, the delicate nose and forehead.

Clicking the unlock button on her keyfob, Jiyoon sighs again. “I just want it to be healthy. I don’t care what gender it is.”

“You don’t care?” Jungkook purses his lips, finally looking up at his wife. She’s wearing a designer pantsuit, the deep navy complementing her porcelain complexion and making the red lip she has on pop beautifully. Pregnancy looks good on her. He opens his mouth to tell her so when she cuts him off.

“Don’t say it like that. Of course, I care. Good god, Jungkook, why do you have to make me feel like shit all the time? First you missed my appointment, because why? Because you were busy playing daddy to someone else. And now, here you are, accusing me of being a terrible mother before it’s even born. Fuck you. Fuck you, Jungkook.”

Jungkook is so confused. “What? I didn’t—playing daddy? What are you talking about? I already said I was sorry for missing the appointment, you know the times were really close. It was her ten-week appointment. They were measuring her nuchal translucency, you remember how important that is!”

“Whatever,” Jiyoon deadpans, pushing around Jungkook and climbing into her car. “I have a meeting tonight, don’t wait up for me.”

Before Jungkook can respond, the door slams shut, Jiyoon turns over the engine, and takes off. Maybe not everything is perfect, he laments to himself, mulling over his earlier thoughts. With a determined expression on his face, Jungkook makes his way to his own car and promises to do his best to make this right, vowing not to let something like this happen again.

Of course, it’s only some weeks later that Jungkook has to break this vow. It’s not his fault, it’s no ones. It seems that life just wants to test him, perhaps make sure he’s honing his time management skills for when the babies come.

Everything has been going great since his hiccup with missing Jiyoon’s twelve-week appointment. He’s been able to shuffle around his schedule and work with the both of you to ensure appointments don’t overlap or are too close together.

Jiyoon has become reliant on him, which is something Jungkook revels in. It’s like their marriage is finally back to the way it once was, full of nights cuddled in bed and romantic dinners—sans the wine. While you’ve been fiercely independent, yet charmingly sweet when it comes to Jungkook and Jiyoon and sharing the pregnancy experience with them.

There have been a few discussions about the fact that now there are going to be two babies instead of one. Jungkook has spent nearly all of his free time turning the guest bedroom into a nursery fit for two. His home gym has become a catch-all, most of the equipment being confined into a corner to make room for the furniture that came out of the guest room-now-nursery.

It’s been a lot, but it’s something Jungkook would never trade for anything in all the world. He’s positively jubilant over the prospect of being a father. It’s something he’s dreamed about for as long as he can remember. Now, it’s just a few months away, a permanent light in his life.

“J-jungkook?” your trembling voice sounds through his phone when he swipes to answer the call, tossing the paint roller into the bucket. Butter yellow coats the walls of the nursery and dots the hem of his old t-shirt.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

“I think so. I don’t know. I slipped on the stairs, I’m at the ER right now—”

“I’m on my way!”

“Jungkook, no. It’s okay. I know you have things going on today. I just thought I should tell you. Jiyoon was in a meeting, so Namjoon said he’d pass her a memo when she was done.”

He’s supposed to attend a First-Time Fathers class in an hour, and Jiyoon has her twenty-two-week anatomy scan this afternoon. The class can wait. If he’s lucky, he can go to the ER, check on you, and then make it to Jiyoon’s appointment.

“No, no, you’re not sitting in the ER by yourself. I’ll text Jiyoon and let her know that I’m leaving now to come check on you.”

“O-okay.”

The line disconnects, and Jungkook slaps the lid on the paint bucket and throws a plastic sheet over the paint tray. If it dries out, then it dries out. Paint can be replaced; your health is far more crucial right now.

Walking into the entryway, he thumbs open his messages and types out a quick text to Jiyoon before tossing his phone on the small bench by the door so he can pull on his shoes.

It’s a twenty-minute drive to the hospital, and it takes another ten minutes of searching to find you sitting in a waiting room with a large ice pack resting on your right foot.

“Hey, are you okay? Have you been seen yet? How long have you been here? What happened?”

You hold up a hand to ward off more of his word vomit, an embarrassed smile soft on your face. “Slow down, have a seat. I’m okay. They said I should be called back soon.”

Instead of sitting, Jungkook kneels on the floor in front of you. His fingers the ice pack, his face falling even further. “What happened?”

“I slipped in the stairwell at work, missed the last step and came down hard on the side of my foot.”

“Can I?” he asks, fingers moving to the corner of the ice pack.

You nod. “Yeah.”

Lifting it gently, Jungkook takes in the sight of your foot. The black ballet flats you’re wearing give him a clear view of the swelling that’s already beginning along the top and side of your foot.

“Do you want me to find a wheelchair?”

Before you can answer Jungkook a nurse comes through one of the doors, pushing a wheelchair. She wheels it over to you and says, “Ready?”

“Yeah.”

Jungkook slips his arm under yours as you stand before slowly helping you lower into the wheelchair. “Would you like to push her back?” the nurse asks Jungkook.

“I can come?” he wonders, hopeful.

“Of course. Unless you’d rather wait out here, and I can call for you when your wife is done.”

“Oh, she’s not—”

“I’d like for you to come if that’s okay? I don’t really want to be alone,” you interject before Jungkook can correct the nurse. She gives Jungkook a polite nod and gestures towards the door she came through.

“Please come right this way. We’ll need to get a quick weight and a urine sample before I can get you into your room, where the doctor will see you shortly.”

Jungkook aids you the best he can, helping you to and from the wheelchair as he can. He almost asks if you want him to come into the restroom with you, but you give him a quick shake of your head before closing the door on him.

What feels like an eternity later, you’re finally settled on a bed with Jungkook sitting in the chair beside it.

“Thank you for being here,” you say quietly, drawing Jungkook’s attention. “I know I said I wanted you to come back with me, and it’s not that I want you to leave, but please don’t feel obligated to stay. I know you have a lot of other things going on.”

Shifting his chair closer, Jungkook reaches for one of your hands. “Nonsense. I’m glad you called. I feel bad that I haven’t been to as many doctor’s appointments with you. I feel like it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve even seen you. I wish our schedules worked out a little better. Perhaps, as my manager, there’s something you can do about that?” he asks, giving you a jesting wink.

“I was trying to give you more time to go to Jiyoon’s appointments!” you laugh, covering your mouth with your hand.

“I know, but in case you forgot, you’re also carrying my child. Don’t get me wrong, though, the texts are great, and I really appreciate the weekly baby bump pictures, but it’d be nice to actually see you. Though, maybe next time, let’s make it not where you’re laid up in a hospital bed, not yet, at least,” he adds on with a low laugh.

This is the first time Jungkook has seen your bump in person. The soft swell under your shirt calls to him, and he wonders if it would be okay to touch it. As if you’re reading his mind, you take the hand that’s wrapped around yours and press it gently over your stomach.

“Kinda weird, huh?”

“No. No, not weird at all,” Jungkook says, being completely raw and honest with you. Jiyoon is touchy about her belly, pun wholly not intended, seeing as she doesn’t let him touch her bump nearly as much as he’d like to. She’s only recently started to show, and it’s hitting her hard, with which Jungkook tries to empathize. He can’t imagine being pregnant and how much a body changes; he’d probably feel things like that, too.

He spends a moment absorbing the feel, trying to imagine the little life growing just a few inches below his hand. Life he helped create. He’s so in awe he could cry…if it wasn’t for the door opening and breaking the momentary spell over him.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Lee. I’ll be your attending today. I hear you slipped down the stairs today and are worried your foot might be broken?” The cheery, middle-aged woman chatters away, washing her hands and drying them off before offering one to you and then to Jungkook.

“Yeah. I missed the last step and landed on the side of my foot pretty hard.” You shake your head with a rueful smile. “I should have just waited for the elevator.”

“Oh, ouch. Let’s take a look,” Dr. Lee coos. “May I?” She gestures to the blanket covering your feet. Jungkook helped you remove your shoes once you were in bed and tossed the blanket over your feet so they wouldn’t get cold.

“Of course.”

Dr. Lee pulls back the blanket and gently probes at your foot, turning it slowly side to side to get a better look. “Does this hurt?” she asks as she rotates your ankle.

“A little, not as much as putting pressure on it, though.”

The doctor nods. “I think it might be best if we do an x-ray just to be sure it’s not broken.”

“Won’t that be harmful to the baby?” Jungkook asks.

“Don’t worry, we’ll make sure to protect your little one.” Jungkook nods his understanding. “Is it your first? You look a little green around the gills, first-time-father jitters.”

Jungkook isn’t entirely sure how to answer that. Because, technically…no? Considering Jiyoon is approximately two weeks further along than you are. Would that make her baby his first? A laugh, barely restrained, simmers deep in Jungkook’s chest.

“Something like that,” he finally says, earning another warm smile from the doctor.

“Alright, let’s get started so I can get you two out of here as soon as possible.”

The word ‘soon’ should be a relative term when it comes to hospitals—or a word that hospital staff is barred from using. Jungkook doesn’t mind spending the hours waiting with you. In fact, you’re pretty pleasant company. That’s not to say Jiyoon isn’t when Jungkook attends appointments with her; there’s just a different level of expectation, he thinks. He hopes this baby will have your patience and grace like that.

Jiyoon wants a quiet observer sitting in the corner, whereas you’re welcoming to his insights and curiosities. You haven’t hushed him a single time when he’s voiced a question of any of the medical staff. In fact, it almost seems like you welcome it, comfortable in letting him show his concern for you.

Thankfully, the x-ray showed no break or fracture. You’ve been given a temporary boot to wear for the next week and strict instructions not to overdo it. “Got it,” you say once the nurse has finished explaining everything to you.

“Now, before we discharge you, we would like to have a sonographer brought in to check on the baby. According to your charts and file, you’re at the twenty-week mark now.”

Jungkook stands up, panic worming its way in. “Should we be worried? Is everything okay?”

The nurse gives him a motherly smile. “That’s what we would like to check.” She turns her attention to you. “You didn’t fall on your belly, but with any trauma to the body, it never hurts just to be sure.”

Of course. That makes sense to Jungkook, but he looks to you for confirmation. “Yeah? You want to do that?”

“That would be great, thanks.”

Jungkook has only attended two live ultrasounds in all the doctor’s appointments he has been to. He has many printed ultrasound images that are now stuck to the refrigerator at home, one side for Jiyoon and the other for you. But he’s only managed to attend one for Jiyoon and one for you, so this will be a wonderful treat.

“Okay, they’ll be here in just a moment.”

A few moments pass after the nurse leaves the room, and Jungkook allows himself to truly assess his internal feelings. He’s thankful that you’re okay and will feel even more at ease once the ultrasound confirms the baby is alright, too. It’s wild for Jungkook to think that just a few months ago, his life felt like it was on the verge of falling apart. There was a steadily growing rift between him and Jiyoon, and you were just Jiyoon’s best friend.

Now, however, he feels closer than ever to his wife, and you’ve managed to carve out your own little pocket in his heart, too. It’s alarming, yet comforting, to realize that there is something more between you and him—a deepening connection that’s still delicate but growing more solid with each passing day.

“You feeling okay?” Your voice breaks through Jungkook’s reverie.

“Hm? Me? I’m great,” he assures, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand. You’ve barely let his hand go the entire time, to which Jungkook won’t complain. “Does it hurt much?” Jungkook nods toward the end of the bed, where your feet are back under the blanket.

You shrug. “It’s not so bad while laying here.”

“Hi!” a bubbly voice calls from the door a second before a young blond woman wheels an imaging cart into the room. “Are we ready to get a look at your little one before you guys go home?”

“Yep.” You give Jungkook’s hand a light squeeze. “Excited?” you ask in a soft voice meant only for him.

“Very,” he tells you, sitting up straighter in his chair.

“Now, this won’t be nearly as good as if we were in radiology in an exam room, but all we really want is to get a look to make sure everything is okay. Besides, who doesn’t want to take a peek when you get the chance, right?”

The tech, with Jungkook’s assistance, helps you adjust on the bed until you’re in a comfortable position for the ultrasound. Jungkook feels frozen as you tug your blouse up and over your belly, giving him his first real glimpse of the swell in all its glory. It’s one thing to see it through your shirt, another thing entirely to see it like this.

“Cold,” you chuckle as the tech squeezes a glob of contact gel onto your lower belly.

“Sorry about that, these carts unfortunately don’t have the warmers on them. Ah, here we are,” she sing-songs when she smoothes the wand over the gel. “Look at that.”

Jungkook tears his eyes from your face, focusing his gaze on the imaging machine's display screen. His breath stutters in his lungs, and a wave of pure, unrestrained joy washes over him.

“They’re perfect,” he says, voice thick with emotion. Jungkook watches as an arm moves across the screen, followed by a little kicking foot.

“Seeing them never ceases to take my breath away.” You take the words right out of Jungkook’s mouth.

The tech hums, giving you a soft smile as she moves the wand around to different angles. “No gender yet?” she asks. “I’ll try to be careful here, don’t want to have any spoilers…unless you would like to know?”

It’s hard not to be curious. “Is it not too early to tell?” Jungkook asks.

Turning the screen slightly away from you and Jungkook, the tech says, “Um, nope. Not too early. Everything looks good, though. So, if you’d rather wait, we can get cleaned up and be done here.”

“What do you say?” Jungkook looks at you with a raised brow.

Your teeth leave a dent in your bottom lip as you worry it for a moment. Another thing he thinks would be cute to see his mini-me do. “I kind of want to, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” he admits, loving the fact that you do.

“Okay, wonderful. In that case,” the tech says before moving the screen back and adjusting the wand on your belly. “Take a look here.”

When Jungkook arrives home, the sun has long since gone down, but he’s so high on cloud nine that he can’t bring himself to care. The large smile on his face hasn’t slipped in the slightest.

Jungkook is certain nothing can bring him down. At least, that is, until he walks through the front door of his condo and straight into hell. Jiyoon is sitting at their dining table, her expression completely devoid of emotion.

“Hey, babe. What’s going on?” Jungkook hesitantly asks, eyes sweeping the open layout and taking note that the only light on is the recessed one directly over Jiyoon. His smile slowly fades, replaced with a crease between his brows.

“What’s going on?” she asks in a cold voice.

“Is everything okay?”

Jiyoon sniffs, her eyes narrowing, the first sign of emotion he’s seen since he walked in. “No. Everything is not okay.”

“O…kay,” Jungkook draws the word out, letting his mind flip through its internal catalog, trying to find pieces of the puzzle to put together.

“Where have you been?”

“There was an accident. Did you get the note from—”

“You’ve not answered any of my calls or texts.”

“I sent you a text before I left. I think I misplaced my phone, I can’t seem to find—”

“You missed my appointment!” she sneers, cutting him off once more. “And you did not text me. I haven’t heard from you since this morning.”

Realization hits, and the warmth drains from Jungkook’s face. He was so focused on everything with you, the panic and then the joy, that he completely spaced on everything else he should have done today. But also…

“I swear I texted you to let you know I was going to the hospital. I was going to make sure everything was okay.” As soon as your name falls from his lips Jiyoon shoves back from the table and rounds it, getting in his face. “She slipped at work and thought she might have broken her foot. Namjoon was supposed to give you a note about it since you were in a meeting. She called me. I was worried. I didn’t mean to miss your appointment. Were they able to determine the gender?”

Jiyoon jabs a finger in the center of his chest. “Not. Good. Enough. I’m your wife, not her! You’re supposed to be with me! Instead, you spend all your fucking time with your nose up her ass when you barely even know her!” Jungkook staggers back as her poke turns into a fully-palmed shove. “You’re un-fucking-believable! What a goddamn joke.”

“Jiyoon, that’s not fair. Something could have been wrong with the baby. It was an emergency,” Jungkook says, trying to make Jiyoon see reason.

It doesn’t work.

“Fuck you! Why do you care so fucking much about that stupid baby?! All you do is fawn over the photos and re-read her text updates! This,” she gestures wildly at her stomach, “is the baby you should care about! Yet you can’t even show up when it counts.”

“You can’t be serious. This is ridiculous.” Jungkook keeps his tone level, refusing to be baited into a knock-down-drag-out with her.

“No!” Jiyoon screams, making Jungkook flinch. “You are ridiculous.” Suddenly a menacing smile cuts across her face. “I bet you slept with her. Didn’t you? That’s it, you’re feeling possessive because you fucked my best friend, and that’s how she got knocked up, isn’t it?”

Jiyoon’s words spark a ringing in Jungkook’s ears. “What?” he whispers, the word barely forming.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Jungkook. I know you too well for that. Let’s not forget your little slip-up—” she throws up air quotes as she says that “—the night you supposedly did ICI.”

“I told you it was an accident. I didn’t mean to do it!”

Sarcasm is a heavy, bitter layer in Jiyoon’s reply, “You just so happened to touch her clit? Just a little oopsie, so innocent. You’re too nice to outright lie to me, so, of course, you come up with some half-truth, expecting me to believe that you didn’t want it, that you weren’t secretly gnawing at the opportunity to try and seduce my best friend!”

“That is not what happened at all!”

“So I’m supposed to believe my pathetically inexperienced best friend is the one that seduced you, then?”

“What? That’s not what I said at all. No one seduced anyone. You’re being fucking crazy right now. You know I’d never do that to y—”

The crack of Jiyoon’s palm against his jaw stuns him into silence. “Don’t you dare call me crazy!” she screams. “You’d never do that to me? Yeah, right. You’re a man, and that’s what men do! Heaven forbid a woman works hard and spends time away from the home, trying to provide for her family. Is that it? I’m gone too much for your sad little dick, so you have to chase after the first desperate pussy that comes your way?”

Jungkook presses his fingers over the searing heat licking up his jaw where her hand struck him. “Jiyoon, no, it’s not like that at all,” he says, losing his momentum because he’s not sure what he can say at this point to make her see reason. “I wouldn’t cheat on you.”

“Fucking my best friend because she’s convenient and out of spite for me being gone so much? No, that sounds exactly like something you would do. Well, looks like it’s your lucky day because two can play that game, asshole. Enjoy your fucking prize!”

Jungkook jerks back, as if Jiyoon just slapped him again. “What does that mean?”

She laughs, the sound deep and throaty. “This baby—” she seethes, rubbing over the small swell of her belly, voice rising with every word “—it’s not yours, you pathetic bastard!”

Next Chapter⇾ ◅ Back to story masterlist  

◅ Back to Main Master List ©️ 2024-04-25 ColorMePurplex2

#jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #dilf jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #jungkook imagines #bts smut #bts angst #jungkook x you #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #bts imagines #bangtanwhq #btsfests

[abra-ka-dammit]

bojji's ballooning didnt go as well as i hoped

the stricture is severe. it's down the entire bottom 1/3 of his esophagus. bc it was so severe they did it in smaller increments than usual, and during it saw tissue that looked suspiciously unhealthy. As they went lower they reached a hole that should theoretically be a continuation of the tube into the stomach but it apparently looks so unusual that they werent sure that was actually the ORIGINAL hole and didnt go further down. the doc told me quite frankly theyve never seen one so bad and shes not too optimistic for it ever being usable again even after multiple balloonings. but im not giving up yet.

since its so bad, they need to spread them out more than the 2-3 days it would normally go, and bc they could see the thin tissue stretching where the original tear was, in fear of risking re-tearing the original injury they most likely will need to do the future one(s) by more surgically invasive means, in order to go up from his stomach rather than down from his mouth since the downward route became anatomically unclear. this is all of course assuming nothing goes wrong in his recovery from this first one.

when i asked this morning the doctor had said a secondary ballooning baselines around 3k, but i guarantee the more invasive version costs more. i heard 3k ("or less, depending on the exact situation") and thought yes! i have the space for that with my brother's help. not feeling as confident anymore.

hes being constantly watched at the emergency vet overnight, longer if he seems to be on the downward trend. but he cant eat or drink for 48 hours so even if he can come home after theyre gonna help me out and give him fluid injections to keep him hydrated (he was, naturally, kinda dehydrated. happens when u can barely keep water or anything else down)

i was so stressed out i went into walmart to physically buy things instead of just doing drive up pickup like the no-spoons-having ass i am

i got my other cats senior kibble. its probably about time.

i got more pate in anticipation of bojji's 2-days-after food trials, and even some sodium-reduced chicken broth to mix with it instead of sink water to make it soupy, as well as some churu lickable treats for. treats.

i got fucking spray so i can clean up the spots bojji food-yakked on my bedroom carpet

the surgeon who did the procedure tried comforting me about the unsettlingly bad news by telling me nobody could ever say i didnt do everything i possibly could to save him but that just makes me feel worse

like whats the point of all of it if he still dies

he made the specialist vet office love him immediately with his sweet face and gentle behavior, just like he did the ER vet. now he has even more animal-loving hearts crying out with love to cruel fate, to please spare the boy: he is an angel, yes, but not yet for heaven

#stupid shit #long post #negative shit

[allsadnshit]

please disregard this if it's invasive or unwelcome in any way, but do you have crohn's disease? i ask because i'm newly diagnosed and very scared, both for my future and of the treatments that are common for it. are you afraid it's going to progress, without western treatment? or have the treatments you've used helped more than any of those? my doctors have told me that it will get worse without treatment but treatment also seems to leave me very open to even worse things down the road :/

I don't have a crohn's disease diagnosis nor has any medical professional suggested I be evaluated for it but I have definitely looked into it given the symptoms I have that align with it.

I personally am a believer of "third options" or the idea that if you're between a rock and a hard place that instead of feeling forced to choose we can be open to something we haven't thought of or seen yet. I know when you're scared stuff like that feels impractical or even insensitive to the severity of your situation, but for myself I think I end up there no matter if I struggle against it or not.

When I got my endometriosis diagnosis they told me my genuine only options for getting better were hormone therapy or continuous surgeries even though I had already just had one and wasn't sure if it was going to make a difference to my daily pain yet (it didn't).

I don't think any medical professional should be telling you you're out of options if you don't feel good about anything being suggested and I'd advise seeking help elsewhere if you don't feel supported and your doctors are not committing to the process with you and finding a solution that works for you.

I knew I wasn't interested in having my uterus taken out, birth control, hormones, or surgery even though I was told those were my options and although I am not 100% better now going the "holistic" approach, neither are the people I know who have followed their doctors orders so I think it's an uphill battle no matter what and what's important is you fighting that fight in the way that makes sense to you.

Many cultures outside of the American medical system have found all sorts of remedies in the natural world for illness that have since been dismissed or not even given the funding or attention to be seen through and I think that's a direct result of racism and the idea that "modern medicine" is based in science while anything that came before it or exists outside of it is NOT science, when it ultimately still is even if it doesn't follow the exact same procedures. I think it's important to look into alternative medicines even if you decide to go with what is prescribed by your current healthcare providers and keep an open mind that our society destroys and dismisses a lot of valuable history and knowledge based on a hatred for cultures and societies outside of our own which was so largely founded on the idea that not all people and bodies deserve the same autonomy or rights.

I suggest looking into how the research is conducted for the options being given to you if you feel uncomfortable with your current knowledge of them: is it on a wide array of people from different sexes, racial backgrounds, ages? Or just one type (usually white cisgendered middle aged men) and consider that in your decisions making! The world has more to offer than what is on Webmd and at hospitals that wouldn't treat you without health insurance and if you're getting a chronic illness diagnosis it's especially important for you to be in that conversation.

[beardedmrbean]

Ohio’s attorney general said Monday that his office had heard “not a whisper” about the reported case of a 10-year-old girl who was raped and had to travel out of state to receive an abortion due to Ohio’s so-called “trigger” law — a viral story that was cited by President Biden last week.

“We have a decentralized law enforcement system in Ohio, but we have regular contact with prosecutors and local police and sheriffs,” Dave Yost told Fox News’ “Jesse Watters Primetime.” “Not a whisper anywhere.” 

Yost then noted that his office runs the Buckeye State’s crime lab, and added: “Any case like this, you’re going to have a rape kit, you’re going to have biological evidence, and you would be looking for DNA analysis, which we do most of the DNA analysis in Ohio. There is no case request for analysis that looks anything like this.”

“I know our prosecutors and cops in this state,” Yost went on. “There’s not one of them that wouldn’t be turning over every rock in their jurisdiction if they had the slightest hint that this occurred there.”

On July 1, the Indianapolis Star reported that a local OB-GYN, Dr. Caitlin Bernard, had been contacted four days earlier by an Ohio “child abuse doctor” who told Bernard that they had just seen a 10-year-old patient who was six weeks and three days pregnant.

According to the story, that meant the girl was three days too late to obtain an abortion under Ohio’s new law, which went into effect following the Supreme Court’s June 24 decision overturning Roe v. Wade.

The Star reported that Bernard took responsibility for the girl’s care, but did not specify whether the child underwent an abortion or any other procedure. The outlet also did not identify the doctor who told Bernard about the case and Bernard appeared to be the only source for the story.

Under Ohio law, physicians are required to report any case of known or suspected child abuse or neglect, including “suffering any physical or mental wound [or] injury.” 

If, as Yost claims, law enforcement has no knowledge of a rape case involving a 10-year-old girl, that suggests that either the Ohio doctor violated state law by not reporting the crime or Bernard fabricated the incident to a credulous reporter.

“We don’t know who the originating doctor in Ohio was, if they even exist,” Yost told Watters on Monday night. “But the bottom line is, it is a crime — if you’re a mandated reporter — to fail to report.”

Several news outlets and fact-checking websites, including the Washington Post and Snopes, have been unable to independently verify the Star report. The Post also reached out to Bernard last week, but did not hear back.

As social media users and conservative websites began to raise questions about the story Friday, Biden cited the report in a White House speech in which he raged against trigger laws like Ohio’s.

“Imagine being that little girl,” the president said. “I’m serious, just imagine being that little girl. Ten years old!”

When pressed later Friday about whether the White House had verified key details of the case — including the identity of the victim — press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre referred reporters to the Department of Justice.

“I don’t have more to share on the identity of this young woman or the question that you just asked me,” Jean-Pierre said. “The president spoke to that young woman just to show how extreme the decision on — the Dobbs decision was and just how extreme it is now for American public, the — American families when there is no exception at all.”

It’s unclear why the press secretary invoked the Department of Justice, since the rape would be a matter for local law enforcement unless the girl was brought across state lines by her assailant.

On Monday, Yost claimed that the Ohio trigger law had an exception that would have allowed the girl — “if she exists and if this horrible thing actually happened to her” — to obtain an abortion in the state, undercutting the theme of the Star article.

#nunyas news #imagine my shook

[theivorybilledwoodpecker]

Anti-government protests in Iran have entered an eighth week, despite a crackdown by security forces in which local human rights activists say at least 321 people have been killed and 14,800 others have been detained. One female protester in her 20s, who spent a week in prison and was recently released on bail, told the BBC's Khosro Kalbasi Isfahani that she witnessed physical and psychological torture, and other ill-treatment. This article contains details some readers may find distressing. "I have been released from jail, but I feel like I am still shackled. I had heard stories about people being arrested and tortured, but it is different when you see such things first-hand. I feel that I am going to explode with rage, since I can't do anything for those still stuck in jail. I just want to get this testimony out there. There were girls as young as 15 among the people detained with us. Two young women suffered from chronic illnesses, but our jailers refused to give them medicine. One of them panicked and fainted when she was handed a heavy prison sentence. But the security officers did not care. We asked them to call an ambulance, but a female officer said she would "be alright soon enough". The same women was tortured while being interrogated. They smashed her hands so severely that almost all her fingernails were broken. When another woman had a seizure, the guards just shrugged it off, saying that if she died it would mean "one piece of trash less on earth". She suffered from epilepsy, but the guards refused her access to medication. A fourth woman had cancer. But the security officers refused her access to medical care. She had letters from respected doctors saying that she needed to visit medical centres for routine procedures, but they refused her medical care. A 17-year-old girl said her main concern was that she would not be able to get good marks in her final school exams, because she could not study in prison. She told us that she hoped her mother had told her school principals that she was sick, so they would let her go back to school after getting released. A young man in his 20s, who was arrested at the same time as us, was beaten so badly by security forces. They hit him on his head with batons. He feared that he would die there and then. He gave us his name and his parents' address so that we would be able to tell them about his last moments. I don't know where they took him. They also brought young men into the cell next to ours and beat them. We could hear the sound of the beatings and their screams. We panicked when we heard those sounds. Another terrifying thing about being arrested during the protests was that no clear procedures were followed. You did not know what might happen to you, hour to hour. Everything depended on the whims of the officer handling your case. And they constantly lied to you. You were kept in state of limbo. Many protesters also cannot afford the hefty bails that the judges are demanding, meaning that they are stuck in jail. Since my release, I have felt that my hands are tied. They have installed so many surveillance cameras across my city that I feel that anywhere I go they are constantly watching me. Many people have stopped taking their mobile phones to protests because that will expose them to additional risks if they get arrested. Some protesters used to take old "dumbphones" [basic handsets without the internet or apps] with them. But security forces have become wary of that and now accuse them of being "riot leaders". In some cases, they have released people from detention centres and later raided their homes and seized all their electronic devices. I hope that nobody else will be forced to suffer even a shred of what we saw and endured. I was beaten at the time of my arrest. But your own personal pain becomes irrelevant when you see the pain of others. I can say with confidence that almost no-one cried over their own injuries - it was only over the pain of others or out of fear for their families."

#Iran #Signal boost #Boost the signal

[doctor-hate]

I sent my doctor an email where I told her her profession has eroded my sense of boundaries and bodily autonomy. i hope she understands, because every doctor I see, I will distrust now. even the "nice" one, who didn't let me finish talking before subluxing my hip with a severe spasm. If you don't ask for mid-appointment consent, you are an unsafe person to be around. I spent five days recovering from that. If you don't go to a doctor with patient concerns, you are an unsafe person to be around. Three days recovering from the test with the doctor she referred me to because of a tech mistake. I have difficulty trusting her referrals now, too.

she teaches students, dammit. This is a teaching hospital. I fear for them. How are you teaching students when you touch a patient without asking consent, and don't narrate your care at all? How are you teaching students when your techs behave like shit to your patients? Where have they learned to disregard patient concerns and needs in favor of the system in place? How are you teaching students when I can't trust the people you refer me to to not fuck shit up?

When someone touches me, I freeze. MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS DID THAT. They showed me when I was a child whether I wanted to be touched didn't matter, and they continue to show me my needs and wants do not matter.

I have a nerve in both feet that was crushed by a fiberglass brace, and at my last test the electrode was placed directly there. I BEGGED the tech to move it. Up down, left, right, just PICK ANOTHER NERVE. He did not listen. He tried to reassure me and he did not listen. He thought it was anxiety as excruciating pain began to course though me as a damaged nerve leading all the way to my knee was set on fire. I had driven an hour to get there and I was off all my meds to begin with. As I writhed in agony he had the audacity to tell me to stay still.

I screamed for 4 minutes and 30 seconds straight, begging him to get the doctor. I cried, I grit my teeth, part of the cap on my tooth came off I grit my teeth so hard. The receptionist came in as I BEGGED her to get the doctor. It took her two minutes to get him. The electrode was on for 4 minutes and 30 seconds as I continued to scream.

It was not until I finally said through my tears, I DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK, GET IT OFF, that he finally did. I should not have to swear at a tech for them to recognize my discomfort.

All three of my doctors, of course, were severely dismissive. They're part of a system where they need to divorce themselves from pain, but I need them to have empathy and sympathy to be good doctors. personally, now, every time I see them I wish I could waterboard them. I am filled with seething hatred. But I don't know of a doctor I WOULDN'T hate at this point, because even her, the one I thought was nice, fucking SUBLUXED MY HIP at my first appointment! Great confirmation of my hypermobility, bitch - I was in bed for 5 days.

This is going to require a therapy session to deal with. I've been having nightmares for 5 days now. I cannot sleep. And this is not even the worst of it.

Blanket consent given at the beginning of treatment, before a patient knows anything about their doctor, their tech, or the procedure itself, is not consent. In a sexual assault case, it wouldn't be considered consent. Why is it considered consent in medicine? Why did the tech not remove the electrode the moment they saw my discomfort on a nerve I had just told them was damaged? Because they crave power, and their power always comes at the expense of another's pain. it's sadistic. thankfully, I'm not a masochist.

There is no reason to leave a patient having an unexpected reaction to scream and cry. You ask what is wrong, you REMOVE THE ISSUE. isn't this why doctors keep charts?

I will never forgive and never forget what they did to me. I will never let something like this happen again. There was too much negligence, too little oversight, and a dismissal of patient concerns by everyone involved.

This is why this blog exists. To have a record of the worst of it. To recount my memories and whatever new forms the medical abuse may take. To document the continued erosion of my bodily autonomy and my continual efforts to stop it over the last 20 years.

I hope medical students read this blog and understand what chronically ill and disabled people go through for inadequate care.

#medical trauma #neuralgia #chronic pain #actuallydisabled #medical abuse #medical PTSD

[notalwaysright]

One Day Per Stitch

https://notalwaysright.com/?p=259938 This happened back in the early 1970s when I was a corporal in the Marines. A couple of other jarheads and I were playing with our pocketknives in the shop one day. We worked in avionics/electrics on planes, and those knives came in handy while doing electrical work. Believe it or not, my forty-year-old son still keeps that knife with his “special” tools. We’d taken turns sharpening the blades and I got a little careless. I put a clean slice in a thumb, but I didn’t think it was bad enough to seek professional medical help. Gunny had other ideas. Gunny: “With that much blood, go to sickbay.” This was Wednesday afternoon, a while before we were off work. I headed over to sickbay and the corpsman there was a third-class medic, the same rank as me but he was in the Navy. He looked at it pretty closely. Corpsman: “Hang on.” He came back in a minute. Corpsman: “Look, you don’t really need stitches, but it could stand ‘em. We’ve got a guy who’s never stitched up a real person and this would be the perfect first time for it. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.” I didn’t even think about it. Me: “Nah, I don’t mind. Everybody starts somewhere. He’ll never forget me. What did he put practice stitches in?” Corpsman: “Uh… shaved dead goats.”  Me: *Laughing* “Okay, let’s move him up to humans.” It took a few minutes to get all the stuff ready. As the new guy was anesthetizing my thumb, I suggested: Me: “Do it like you did the dead goats, just like they taught you.” He laughed a bit. New Guy: “All the goats recovered completely and now live on a farm in Nebraska.” As the new guy put four stitches in my thumb, a thought occurred to me. Me: “Look, I don’t mind being a live guinea pig, but is there anything in this for me?”  Corpsman: “Let me go talk to my lieutenant.” A Navy lieutenant is an O-3, the same as a Marine captain. He came back in time for everything to be about wrapped up and asked: Corpsman: “You got duty or anything this weekend?” Me: “No, a regular weekend off for me.” The new medic finished the bandage on my thumb quite nicely while we talked. The corpsman handed me a piece of paper. Corpsman: “Okay, here’s a ‘no-duty’ chit for four days: tomorrow, Friday, and then the weekend. It has you returning to ‘light duty’ on Monday, and then nothing strenuous until we take the stitches out in ten days. You just got yourself a four-day weekend!” Oh, yeah. We yukked it up a bit more and I left. When I got back to the shop, Gunny was still there, I guess waiting for an update. I showed him my no-duty/light-duty chit, and he kind of lost it. Gunny: “What?! Four days off for that little cut? Don’t leave yet.” He proceeded to call up Medical. This was a long time ago, and all we had was an old clunker of a military shop phone. It was that heavy black plastic, and if there wasn’t much noise around, you could easily hear it from several feet away. I heard everything clearly. Gunny: “Yeah, this is [Gunny]. I have a corporal here who just got a few stitches and I need to know why he’s getting four days off.” Person On The Phone: “Hang on, Gunny.” After a minute: Lieutenant: “This is Lieutenant Doctor [Lieutenant]. I was told you have a question?” Gunny barked: Gunny: “I don’t know why anybody would need four days off for a few stitches. Maybe you can tell me.” Lieutenant: “First off, I’m a lieutenant in the US Navy, so if you can, throw in a ‘sir’ once in a while. Second, I have the utmost confidence in my team. If that’s what they determined the patient needed, that’s what the patient will get. I’d also like to add that I don’t allow my team to run around the base telling gunnery sergeants how to do their job, and I sure don’t appreciate you thinking you know more about medical procedures than they do — unless, of course, you have a medical degree similar to my own. If that’s the case, we can sit down and discuss this like rational adults. If you don’t, why don’t you stick to doing what you get paid to do and give us that same consideration?” Gunny: *Defeated* “Yes, sir, I understand. Thank you.“  He gently hung up the phone and looked at me. I almost felt bad for him, but there was no way I was telling him the entire story now. Gunny: “See you Monday, Corporal.” Source: https://notalwaysright.com/?p=259938

[primrosebitch]

My dad is such an interesting person, like he has had such a wide variety of jobs (i'm not gonna mention them to avoid doxxing myself) but i have no clue how he managed that because he went to college then law school and then did lawyering for over 20 years so WHERE DO ALL THE OTHER JOBS FIT IN, like i know one of them was concurrent with the lawyering and one was while he was in college but the others would be very hard if not impossible to do at the same time

And then this man used to take regular all nighters playing a goddamn video without realizing that he was taking regular all nighters, he has since stopped after i pointed it out to him, but like still wtf (one time he stayed up for like 3 or 4 days straight, i don't know how he didn't pass out)

I have no doubt that if he cooked his own food he would eat like a slightly healthier college student, why am i so confident in this you ask. Because when he was making his own food he would take a raw chicken breast, microwave it till fully cooked and then eat it, he did not add anything, he ate plain microwaved chicken for lunch, he did not see anything wrong with this. To add insult to injury he is a great chef, like he's really good at making great food, but he chooses to eat like this.

He somewhat recently got really into pickle ball and i have no doubt that he would play into the a.m.'s if it wasn't for the fact that the lights at the courts turn off and that everyone else leaves then, and by really into pickle ball i mean really into pickle ball, like he bought a good scale to weigh his rackets, he bought special shoes, he got lots of other stuff that i don't know the name or function of.

He once went through a philosophy phase and got really into this one philosopher, i can't say much about this endeavor of his because i am personally very uninterested in the philosopher he liked but i can say that he knew lots about that guy and was talking about him for several months.

He reads scientific journals in his spare time, which isn't weird or anything but in combination with everything else just makes him even more baffling.

When i started drivers ed he told me about how he passed the written part of the driving test, what this man did was he didn't study he took the test, failed, looked over his answers and checked what he got right and wrong, did the test again, failed again, looked over his answers again, did the test a final time, and passed. You were only allowed to take the test 3 times, and my father basically used the first 2 tries to figure out all the answers so he didn't have to study or put in extra work, I did not follow in his footsteps to say the least.

He told this story from when he was in college, he had developed insomnia and so he went to the doctor to help and the doctor asked about if he drank caffeine like coffee or coke etc and turns out my dad had been drinking a diet coke every day in the afternoon and he didn't know that coke had caffeine in it.

Another story from college, he was at a party and was offered cocaine and he decided to taste it (for some reason?) and his entire mouth went numb from just a tiny taste and so he decided not to do the cocaine because of that, i do not understand this man (fun fact, cocaine is a local anesthetic and used to be used in medical procedures before better anesthetics were discovered, so the cocaine numbing his mouth was completely normal)

He's recently gotten into ai like chat gpt and has started to learn to code, this man has so many random skills and knowledge.

It took him 56 years to find out he has adhd, i got diagnosed years before him, i have no clue how he didn't find out sooner because he presents pretty typically (ex losing his keys and them being found in the kitchen sink, the varied interests that change semi frequently, losing track of time, losing stuff often, forgetting to do stuff like he puts stuff on the stove and then it burns because he forgot about it, etc etc), tbh i had assumed that he had adhd and it was like a known thing that just didn't come up in conversation before he came home one day saying that he just found out he had adhd.

There are probably more stories about my dad that i don't remember at this time, so i might post them if i remember them, but i hope my fathers antics entertained you, my dads great but he's also weird as hell lol

#my father #true stories #funny #dad stories #like this adhd can help explain this #but it's still insane #i can't get over how he didn't know he's was taking all nighters #how does one do that

[misqnon]

i hate the united states medical care system

here's a rundown of my life events as of late as well as a reminder that "my body, my choice" is relevant in more ways than one

>was already dissatisfied with the birth control pill when roe v. wade was overturned, decided it was time to get something more permanent

>goes to OBGYN (my first time at one) and she recommends the implant. I'd already done research on it and lots of other methods and she seemed to suggest it was the best for me. I got it in at the next app

>a few days after getting it put in I start experiencing mood swings, then extreme depression, apathy, brain fog, all around loss of motivation and all emotion. was a general hell. I thought it would fade. it went on for two weeks. i decided to get it removed after 3 weeks. side note: the only side effects my doctor warned me about was changes to my period and irregular bleeding and some soreness.

>I start reading up on it more and although Google says nexplanon only leads to depression in less than 7% of people, I find tons of reviews saying otherwise and stating symptoms and experiences extremely similar to mine. all of these people eventually got their nexplanon taken out for these reasons

>3 weeks after getting it put in I have an appointment to get it out. I specifically asked for an appointment to get it taken out. but when I got there the OBGYN (same one who put it in) looked at me with doubt and said "why do you want it out? we just put it in" I explain. she says she can't just be doing procedures whenever a patient asks because there are certain ways a doctor has to work (???) I tell her I know this, but the side effects are different that what she described and also much more extreme than I expected. she says it it's causing me depression then I should have my primary care doctor deal with it since he prescribes my antidepressants. she says she won't remove it unless he says I should have it removed. basically went to the whole appointment just to be told no. I also cried in front of her lmao. (Unrelated but they also basically chased me out the door as I was leaving asking if I was going to hurt myself because I circled a '1' on a depression sheet they made me fill out after talking about the side effects)

>I message my primary care doctor. he's confused and doesn't understand why this has anything to do with him, and that if I want it removed, I should be able to get it removed. (he was a real one throughout this whole process) he calls them and tells them he's okay with it being removed if it's what I want as the patient.

>I call the OBGYN back. can't speak to the doctor herself. I leave her a message saying my doctor contacted them and I want to know if she'll actually let me get it out now. They say they will call me back

>they do not call me back

>several days have passed at this point since I first tried to get it out. I've been stuck with this thing in my body for almost a month now

>today I call them again and ask the same thing. they say he can't just call, he has to send a referral saying I need it taken out for depression reasons

>I message my doctor AGAIN. poor man calls them AGAIN because he can't tell other doctors what to do and he can't legally say "she needs her implant removed" as that's not his field and he has no medical reason to be involved? he tells me this entire situation is grossly inappropriate and this clinic /OBGYN is sending red flags. he sends a letter anyway basically saying "there's no reason I should have to do this, but if she wants it taken out I'm okay with her having it taken out, ultimately it is the patients choice"

>they still do not call me back

>I call them again

>they say they didn't receive the note even though he called them twice and then ultimately the nurse (who's been talking between me and the OBGYN, because I'm not allowed to talk to her directly I guess??) Says "uhh yea she says she still won't remove it"

>26 days of back and forth and all that for "I won't take this foreign object that's trapped inside your body out of you even though you've requested it several times and it's causing you extreme distress."

fuck my body my choice I guess lmao

#absolutely fucking disgustibg #i had to call a different OBGYN and explain and the nurse that answered was appalled and didnt understabd why they woukdnt take it out #so she got me an appointment there but its gounf to take until august 30th. so. im #im just at a loss. #microphone effect #medical care #medical issues #vent #negative #long post #obgyn #my body my choice #healthcare

[wildestdreamsblog]

What doesn’t kill me makes me want you more

Pairing: Bodyguard!August Walker x Reader

Warnings:  Soft!Dark August Walker, Swearing, Alcohol consumption, Sexual themes, mention of death, violence, drama. If you’re not 18+ please, PLEASE, do not interact. Be mindful of the warnings. Let me know if I miss anything.

No Rules in Breakable Heaven: Beginning, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

The first thing you felt was soft lips touching yours, steadily breathing air into your dying lungs. You sputtered out water. You were still unaware of your surroundings- unknowing that you were lying down on sand. How did you get here when the last thing you remembered was being in the yacht? Gasping for air, your eyes slowly opened. You were still bewildered, your heart now starting to beat once again, you were starting to breathe again. The man above you was steadily pumping your chest, his powerful arms pausing when he noticed that you were finally awake.

You could feel the cold air- you could see the setting sun, and above all you could see him. Your own personal angel.

Cold, blue eyes stared at yours. He was breathing heavily. The beautiful man on top of you was breathtaking- he looked like an avenging angel. His pupils were dilated, for a moment he looked a lot like he was confused. But of what? You held his eyes captive until your secretary ran and kneeled beside you, “Ms. Y/N, are you okay? Let's get you to the hospital-"

And as they carried you away from the tall and muscular man, you could see he was still sitting on the ground, his suit on the ground beside him and tie askew and wet. He was kneeling down, his brows furrowed heavily, his face angry, but his eyes followed yours until he could no longer see you.

"How are you feeling?"

You chuckled under your breath. You were lying on a hospital bed, several apparatus were attached to you. The doctors told you that if the man had done the procedure wrong, or if he even was only a second late- that you wouldn't be here, that you would die. They told you that you were lucky. So why then did you feel anything, but lucky? Here you were, having just fought for your life with no one to hold your hand.

It wasn't fine, but you were given second chance in this life.

"I've been better," you turned to the number of flowers from the number of communities you've been helping, and some from your elite friends. Your secretary went on to relay to you what the doctor said, what the police said about your accident. It was not a random attack- no it was not. It was a deliberate attempt on your life. You stared off at the flowers as you listened. "Our best guess is that your advocacies had stepped on some of the powerful people- and now they want you to be gone,"

"Is anyone hurt except for me?" you asked her softly, your worry over other people won against any concerns for your own life and safety.

The event in the yacht was for an auction to which proceeds will go to the less fortunate people. You had just won the bidding, and was staring at the ocean with a champagne in your hand. The last thing you remembered was the loud bang from an explosion in the yacht- and people scrambled to jump into the vast sea. You were bewildered, your eyes widening before a heavy thing bumped your head- and then you fell.

"You have it worse, Miss." your secretary started, then she frowned, "We still don't know what hit you, right now we are just glad you were saved."

Your mind flashed back to the man who saved you- your personal angel. His curly hair, his beard, his strong arms as he saved you- and the way he looked at you. "Where is he?" you now remembered him.

"Who?"

"The man who saved me. Where is he?"

And like an answered prayer you didn't know you have been begging for, there he was.

The door to your hospital suite opened- and he entered. His big frame crowding the door, he was so tall and big that he almost touched the top of the door. He walked in confidently, he was wearing an earpiece. He was suited up just like the first time you saw him. He stopped a mere foot from your bed, tilted his head before looking at your form. He once again found your eyes, and his blue ones held yours captive.

"August Walker, reporting for duty."

————

REBLOGS ARE MUCHOOO APPRECIATED!!! If you made it this far, comments are highly appreciated!  Also, I don’t own August Walker’s character, this is just purely a fanfiction written by a fan!

Please take note that I give no permission for my work to be copied deliberately and reposted to other accounts.

Tagging: @inlovewithhisblueeyes, @mis-lil-red, @griscka75, 

#august walker x reader #august walker fic #august walker #august walker x you #august walker x female reader #soft!dark august walker #soft!dark august walker x you #possessive august walker

[yutahoes]

Different

(Fourth Part)

pairing : Yuta Nakamoto x Y/N

word count : 3.6k words

genre : fluff, angst

The last part of Different. 

One - Two - Three - Four

Yuta was staring at the coffee cup in front of him. Today is the day Y/N and Haru are going to New York, with Doyoung. Although he knew their flight details, he doesn’t want to go to the airport or it might just break him. It might be the last time he can see his son. The last time there’s a connection between him and Y/N. So instead of staying in Korea, where he can stop them, he flew to Japan days before.

The chair moved followed by a screeching sound that made him look at the girl occupying the chair in front of him. "You look stressed," Mika commented while removing her sunglasses and placing her bag on the chair beside her. "Where’s Y/N? Haru?" 

He smiled. Funny, she would ask that. “They’re going to New York.” He mumbled then drank the contents of the glass. 

Mika asked why and he shared about the procedure and the high chance that Haru can get treated in another country. “And you just let them go?” The question startled Yuta. “Your son is sick, his mom must be stressed out right now and his dad just abandoned them.” She continued with a scoff. 

"I don't know what to do, Mika. I'm really lost." He confessed. “I can’t do anything to save him. And everyday becomes harder. I’m scared that one day, Haru will be gone.”  

"Because you're always such a coward, Yuta" She claimed that made him look at her. What? "You're scared to get hurt. Isn't that the reason why you married me? Because you're scared that my parents might hurt you if you don't fulfill my promise. Look at us, we're not even happy with each other." Yuta nodded, that might be the case. "Isn't that the reason why you never told Y/N your feelings?"

The guy glared at him and Mika just looked happy at what she claimed. “If it’s hard for you, then what about Y/N? She doesn’t want you to save your child, she wanted you to be there for your child.” Yuta smiled. Mika makes sense and it amazes him that the girl he protects when they were young is telling him these things. “Go to them. I never divorced you just to be miserable like this.” 

“Thank you, Mika.” 

The girl smiled. “Don’t thank me. You should have been with her from the start so please, tell her that you’re in love with her since junior year and that Haru isn’t a mistake.” Yuta chuckled, nodding at her. “I have another meeting but here’s a present for you, it might help cure Haru.” She handed him an envelope before leaving the coffee shop. 

Yuta brushed his hair when he read the contents of the paper. A way to cure Haru. He does need to go to New York. 

But New York is a huge place, he thought. How can he find them in this place? The answer came when he accidentally saw Doyoung while searching for hospitals. The only conversation they had was when Haru introduced the two of them, he didn’t know that he was dating Y/N back then. Now, it feels awkward to be in front of another guy who liked the girl you love. “Haru will be doing a chemotherapy session here and then they might go back to Korea and continue the treatment.” The doctor's voice became quieter, “He might not live for a year.”  

Yuta nodded. So his son’s sickness is that severe already? He was aware that cancer in his blood is spreading to his body, the reason why chemo is essential to help him survive. But less than a year to live? Haru is still young. He can still do a lot of things in his life. Y/N might have a lot of dreams for him. Yuta handed an envelope to Doyoung and waited until he can digest the information written on the paper, “Will this save Haru?” 

“Giving him a sibling?” Doyoung asked then nodded. “It’s a fifty-fifty chance and the chances are high if they have the same DNA.” So it is indeed possible. All he had to do is ask Y/N to have a child with him. But that is the most difficult task. “Yuta, if you’re doing this for just Haru please don’t. Haru will just feel bad that he had to use a sibling to save himself. And Y/N wouldn’t like it.” 

He sighed. “I’m sorry. All I wanted to do now is save Haru. I know you and Y/N are together but….” 

But Doyoung laughed. "I don't know how much she told you but I was rejected when I proposed to her." They're already at that point in their relationship? "Don't make her feel alone again, please." He suddenly felt bad, why did she reject him when Doyoung is obviously in love with her? “This is their hotel,” he said while slipping him a piece of paper. "Haru has a session tomorrow morning. He will be happy to see you." Yuta nodded which made Doyoung smile. 

His first step to being brave for his family. 

"Appa!" Haru called, running to where he is. Yuta gave him a big hug then carried the younger boy in his arms. "Why are you here? I missed you." 

Yuta laughed then ruffled his hair. "I missed you too." He gave a timid smile to Y/N. "I have to be here for you." Haru nuzzled his head on his neck, whispering that he's glad he is here with him and that he's not too scared now. It was Haru who kept on telling him about what he saw in New York, even memorizing the way from the hotel to the hospital which made Yuta's heart hurt. Will this be happening often? 

The younger boy greeted everyone in the hospital, even introducing Yuta to some nurses and doctors. Y/N was only following close by. They stopped outside a room with oncology written on it. Cancer. It really is severe. A man came out of the room and Haru smiled, calling him 'Doctor Johnny'. "This is my dad." He introduced and he smiled at the doctor attending Haru. "I'll be inside. Appa, can you get eomma something to eat?" Yuta lightly glanced at Y/N before nodding at Haru, ruffling his hair once again. 

Haru went inside the room with Johnny after saying goodbye to his parents. "He's going back right?" Y/N nodded, smiling timidly at him. "Let's get some breakfast." 

It feels awkward sitting in front of Y/N in a hospital cafeteria but Yuta was sure that this is what will happen if the treatment continues. He never took her on a date before and now, they're just eating breakfast in this crowded place instead of a diner. "His hair is thinning out." Yuta started, feeling the soft strands on his fingers. "Doyoung told me about the sessions." 

Y/N nodded, rubbing the lips of her cup. "He might not live until his birthday." A heavy sigh escaped Yuta's mouth. "I don't even know what to do. I'm not prepared to lose him." No one is. But she is the most affected of all. "He's everything I have. I honestly don't know what to do without him, Yuta." He held her hand that was above the table. Honestly, he doesn't know what to tell her. The feeling of being useless came once again. Mika is wrong, she doesn't need him. 

"Thank you, Yuta." He gave her a questioning gaze. "For bringing me Haru." There was a small smile on her face as if thinking deeply. "When I graduated, I didn't know what to do. When Haru came, I was so scared at first but he gave me direction in life. He gave meaning to my life." Again, she smiled at him. "Thank you, Yuta." 

He gave her a small smile, rubbing a thumb on the back of her hand. "Y/N, I have to tell you something." He sighed. "That night wasn't a mistake. I knew you were at that party and I followed you upstairs." She listened attentively as if recalling that night. "I regret it when you left me that morning. I should have woke up early and made you stay." 

A gasp escaped her throat. "Why? We don't know each other." 

"But I like you since junior year." Y/N’s eyes widened at that which made him chuckle. She’s just too cute. “I lied to Haru, I didn’t saw you first in school. It was at a bus stop during junior year.” He can see from her expression how she was thinking deeply of it. “It was raining and you gave your umbrella to an old lady. You helped her cross the street and you return to the shed dripping wet from the rain.” He smiled at the memory of the younger Y/N, walking in the rain and looking like a real angel. “That was the time I started liking the rain.” He said more to himself. “I started to like you.” 

“But Mika…”

Yuta smiled timidly. “I thought I love Mika but it’s just the feeling of comfort.” He had known Mika since they were young and she had been there for him. It’s a dick move but he married Mika knowing that he won���t be alone. In the end, they just hurt each other. “I’ve been a coward in facing my feelings, Y/N. If only I’m braver, Haru wouldn’t get hurt this much.”

Y/N shook her head. “Thank you, Yuta. For being here for Haru.”

“I’m also here for you.” He held her hand tighter. “If it’s alright with you, I want to watch Haru grow with you.” He kissed the back of her palm. “Let’s start over, not only for Haru but for the two of us.” 

The girl smiled, tears forming on the corner of her eyes. She nodded that made him grin. 

----

Haru’s first reaction when he exited the room of his doctor is excitement seeing his parents holding hands. Y/N and Yuta didn’t say anything but the younger would stare at the two in glee. Y/N would always note that he looked brighter now that he is here and Yuta would only smile. The younger had fun exploring some places in New York and eating foods that they can see only in the city. Because of tiredness, he was already sleeping while leaning on his mother’s lap. 

Yuta helped carry him up to their hotel room, even kissing his forehead before muttering a ‘Goodnight’. "What time should I pick you up tomorrow?" He asked, standing in the doorway of their hotel room. 

"Do you want to stay the night instead?" The guy had to stare at her in surprise. "We need to be in the hospital early tomorrow, it's a hassle…" 

"Will that be alright?" He asked, rubbing the back of his neck. "Me staying the night?" 

Y/N nodded nonchalantly that made him nod. "I'll fix the other room for you." But he insisted that he'll just sleep on the sofa. "Are you sure?" Yuta nodded, smiling at her. "Do you want to drink, though?" She disappeared to the kitchen that made him smile. Funny, she would ask that. 

Yuta followed him to the small kitchen as she bent down to look for something on the minifridge. The moment she stood up, with two soda cans on hand, he hugged her from behind. "Please don't get drunk." His hand held her tighter. "You get wild when you're drunk." He chuckled at the memory, "And you get drunk with just a can of alcohol." 

She turned around in surprise. "You still remember that night?" 

He smirked, his hands held her waist. "You smelled like flowers." Unconsciously, she sniffed herself which made him laugh. His hand went to her hip, tracing a certain spot. "And you have a small butterfly tattoo here." A gasp escaped her lips. "You can't really remember anything?" 

"I was so hammered that night, okay?" She revolted that made him laugh. Of course, she is. Her hands went to his shoulder, sliding down his torso. "Yuta…" 

"You're not drunk, are you?" 

She shook her head with a smile. "I like you, too." Y/N stared at him. "You're always there for me and Haru and it hurts me before knowing that you're only here for Haru. I thought you'll be gone when Haru leaves me as well." 

His same dilemma. Yuta leaned in, wrapping her in his arms. "No one is leaving you, Y/N. I'll be here for you, Haru as well." He held her cheeks, raising her head to look at him. "We will save Haru and the three of us will be a happy family together." The tears on the corner of her eyes were back, his thumb rubbing her heated cheeks. "Can I, Y/N?" 

She nodded before he leaned closer to her, placing his lips to hers. A soft kiss. She moaned when he sucked her bottom lip, igniting some fire inside him. He held her by the waist, wrapping her legs around his hip. "I'll make you remember that night." 

------

Every day is the same routine, going to the hospital in the morning and spending afternoons with Y/N and Haru like they're on a trip. The younger had shown positive results with the treatment that they returned to Korea after the second month. Mika visited the hospital once, giving Haru different stuffed toy dinosaurs much to his delight. Even Yuta's parents visited him and he had fun spending the whole day with his obaasan and oujisan. Jiwon is a frequent visitor, even teaching him the lessons he missed for school. 

Haru's hair got thinner and he'd been vomiting a lot, a side effect of the chemotherapy. They're only thankful that he's getting more cheerful. A premonition that makes Yuta nervous. 

In the third month, there was incessant vomiting not only for Haru but also for Y/N. Yuta felt bad that she got pregnant first before asking her for marriage. For a while, Y/N thought that he planned all of this. But she cannot complain or revolt, this is their last resort in saving Haru.

The younger seemed excited at the thought of a younger person growing inside his mom’s stomach, even noting that he’ll be a great big brother for the baby. “Do you think I can see the baby, eomma?” It must be the hormones, Y/N thought, but she only answered him with a loud cry. “If ever I didn’t, can you just tell the baby that I love him or her?” Haru just smiled wiping her tears and she was annoyed at the fact that he’s slowly becoming more like Yuta. 

In the seventh month of her pregnancy, Y/N was not allowed to see Haru nearby because of the radiation that might hurt the baby. She watched behind the glassed window how he got weak with the medicines injected into his body. Haru kept crying every night, clinging into Yuta’s arms. Yet she can’t do anything to ease her son’s pain. She can’t even hold him in her arms. 

And the stress was too much that she started bleeding early. 

Yuta was panicking, his wife is in labor but he cannot leave Haru. “Dad, what am I going to do?” He asked for the umpteenth time and the older just stared at Doyoung who was seated on the bench opposite Yuta. “Doyoung, you’re a doctor. Do something.” 

The guy sighed. “We wait, Yuta. Your mom is inside with her.”  

“Appa.” They heard a small voice call from the hallways. Haru was walking to where his dad is, followed by Jiwon and her mom who volunteered to look for him. “I want to see the baby.” Yuta smiled, tapping the chair beside him to let Haru sit. “Can we name the baby Hana?” The older nodded, smiling while he gently caressed his already hairless head. He tightly held his hand, thumb rubbing the back of his hand. 

Yuta stood up twice before they heard a baby’s voice coming from inside. His first instinct was to look at Haru’s face. And for the first time since he had been on his medication, he saw the hope in his face. “You’re going to see your sister, Haru.” His grandfather claimed, making the younger smile widely. There was still rustling inside, the sound of a machine consistently beeping. That’s a good sign, he thought. 

The doors of the emergency room opened followed by an incubator dragged outside by a nurse. “Haru, come and see Hana.” Yuta called. Haru hurried to where she is, Yuta carrying him as he touched the glass where his sister is. “She looks like your mom.” 

“She’s so small,” Haru claimed. “Am I like that when I was a baby?” 

“Only your mom knows.” 

The nurse apologized that she had to bring the baby to the neonatal care unit and Yuta agreed, thanking her. Another doctor went out of the room and called Doyoung, she handed him a small tube that had something inside. The doctor looked at Yuta and he nodded before kneeling in front of Haru. “Son, Doctor Doyoung is going to treat you now.” He whispered, holding his cheek. “I want you to be strong for a while.” 

Haru nodded, a tear falling on his cheeks. “I wish I could have hugged eomma or hold Hana.” Yuta wrapped him in his arms. “Please hug them for me, appa.” 

“You will hug them both,” Yuta whispered, looking up to stop a tear from falling down. “We’ll be waiting for you here, Haru.” He tried to regulate his voice to prevent a choke from his throat. “Just listen well to Dr. Kim.” 

The younger nodded, holding Yuta’s cheeks. “I love you, appa. Please tell eomma and Hana that.” Yuta closed his eyes, breathing hard. A premonition. “You can tell them that.” Haru grinned before taking Doyoung’s hand. 

When they disappeared to the hallway, Yuta’s tears fell on their own. He can’t do anything but to wait. Wait for Haru. Wait for Y/N. Wait for Hana. He’s already tired but he’s the only one left to wait for them. When he felt his dad tapped his back, he only cried some more. They were never close, never showed emotion before. “You’re doing well, my son.” He needed to have strength like his dad. For Haru. For Y/N. For Hana. 

He hastily wiped his tears as they attract attention. He breathed hard, calming himself when he heard a loud beep sound created by a machine. 

------- 

“You’re late!” Mika shouted while running to the steps to greet Yuta. “Do you really have to be late today?” The guy gave a heavy sigh before smoothing out his black coat. Another sigh that made the girl in front of him, smile. “Yuta-kun, I’m so proud of you. You’ve been through too much. I wish you can get the happiness you truly deserve.” 

Yuta smiled as the church doors opened. His and her friends were seated on their chairs, beautiful white flowers adore the area. “I am happy, Mika. Everything was all worth it.” He gave her a warm hug. “Thank you, Mika. For everything.” 

The girl shook her head and made her exit as his mom wrapped her arm on his, “I can’t believe you’re getting married again.” Yuta chuckled at that. “She’s such a darling. Please don’t hurt her Yuta.” 

“Of course, I won’t.” 

The song played and as he watched the people they care about walking to the aisle of the church, Yuta can’t help but think back at everything. They should have done this way before and maybe they can be saved from the tears and the worry. But seeing Haru carrying Hana, he didn’t wish everything was different. All the tears made him stronger, made Haru stronger. Now, he just wanted to be a better father for the two of them. 

A smile escaped his lips when Y/N can be seen, next to his father. The tears made Y/N stronger. He remembered how it scared him, losing her. He felt his heart fell on his feet when his mom called him inside the emergency room saying that Y/N isn’t responsive. He repeatedly called her name, whispering that Haru already named their daughter and that he wants to hug her. When she gasped for breath then opened her eyes, he felt the heavy thumping of his heart. “You almost killed me.” But she was only chuckling while tears fall from her eyes.  

The moment he knew he wanted to be with her. Whatever it takes. 

“You can still run,” Y/N whispered when he held her hand. “I won’t stop you.” Yet Yuta just smiled, pulling her closer to him. “Yuta, do you wish we could have met differently?” He only smiled. Weird, he was thinking of that earlier. They really are meant to be. 

He lightly stared at Haru who was quietly watching them. His hair is growing back and he looks healthier for the first time since he met him. Although he still has medicines to take, his life isn’t in danger now. His mom’s dream of him playing with kids his age is slowly coming true. All thanks to Hana.

Hana, on the other hand, was sleeping on his mother’s shoulder. His little miracle. Up until now, he was surprised at how she managed to survive the two months of being in neonatal care. When she was cleared, it was Haru who first held her and they had been inseparable ever since. 

Thinking back, they might be a family of warriors. How are the three of them so strong? 

Yuta smiled, shaking his head before bopping her nose. “I won’t wish for anything different, Y/N. We’re perfect.”   

#yuta #yuta nakamoto #nakamoto yuta #yuta angst #yuta nakamoto angst #nakamoto yuta angst #yuta fluff #yuta nakamoto fluff #nakamoto yuta fluff #dad yuta #different

[atlafan]

Sweet Tooth - One Shot

a/n: dentistrry is here!! I only researched a couple of things, so if you’re in the dentistry/medical field please don’t come for me if things are inaccurate, it’s just a fic, you know? This ia really cute, sweet, datey fic, so I hope you enjoy! Feedback and reblogs are super helpful! (not proofread) Consider buying me a coffee if you’re able! 

Warnings: fluff and smut (the word molested is used, nothing bad happens or has happened to the main characters, it’s just mentioned during a conversation)

Pairing: Harry x OC

Words: 18K

“Dad, I can go by myself.” Abby groans to her father.

“I have to make sure everything gets billed correctly. Your dentist said only two are impacted, so only half is covered my medical and the other half is covered by dental.”

She huffs out a sigh, but nods her head as they enter Tufts Medical Center. Abby was finally getting a consult for her wisdom teeth. Perhaps at the age of twenty she felt a little late to the game for this, but her mouth had only started to hurt a little this past year. She was a little nervous about being knocked out for surgery, but she also just wanted her mouth to feel better. It was the summer before her junior year of college, so now was the perfect time to get it done. Abby and her dad make their way through the building, and get to the floor they need to be on.

“Abigail Simmons.” Her dad says to the receptionist and she nods.

“Someone will be out for her shortly. Did you have her most recent x-rays sent to us?”

“Yes.” Her dad says, and they both go to take a seat.

Abby’s leg was bouncing and she was chewing on her bottom lip. It was just a consult, there was really nothing to be worried about.

“Abigail?” Her eyes widen as she looks over at the person who just said her name. He had a toothy smile and was wearing a set of blue scrubs. She and her father both stand up. “Hi, I’m Harry, you can follow me.” He smiles to the two of them as he leads them to the consult rooms. He gets Abby situated in the dental chair. “Just so you both know, I am a student, but a competent one, which is why one of the other nurses isn’t here, but one of them will come by shortly, and so will the doctor.” He sits down on the stool and wheels over to Abby as he puts his gloves on. “Heard your mouth’s been sore, huh?”

“Y-yeah.”

“She called me at school in tears.” Her dad says and she glares at him.

“College student?” Harry raises an eyebrow and looks back at the computer to review her x-rays. “How old are you?”

“Twenty.” Abby says.

“Your teeth are, like, really straight. Did you have braces?”

“When she was in middle school. She stills wears her retainer.”

Harry and Abby both look at her father and blink. He was really starting to piss her off. She could answer for herself.

“Well, you’ve got a very good girl here, don’t you, Mr. Simmons? Listen, uh, this is going to take a few minutes. I need to look at all of her teeth and confirm the ones that are impacted and if the other two have room or not. There’s another waiting area right over there. I’ll call you back over once the doctor’s here. Would that be alright?”

“It’s just…Abby’s really nervous-“

“Dad, please, I’m fine.”

“Alright.” Her dad sighs. “I’ll be right over there.”

“Bit of a helicopter you have there.” Harry smirks at her.

“Thank you for getting rid of him. I bring myself to the doctor all the time, but for whatever reason he was adamant about coming to this.”

“It’s major surgery I don’t blame him.” Harry grabs a bib to put around Abby. “So, you go by Abby?”

“Mhm.” She blushes as he clips the bib in place and adjusts her hair.

“Is it true, are you nervous?”

“A little…mostly about the surgery, not so much about the rest. I’m not one of those people that’s afraid of the dentist.”

“No worries, love, you’ll be in good hands with us.” He smiles. “I’m gonna put the chair back now, alright?”

“Okay.”

The chair slowly goes back, and he situates a pair of sunglasses onto her before fixing the light over her eyes.

“Could you open up for me as much as you can? I’ll try to be as gentle as possible since I know you’re experiencing a lot of discomfort.”

She nods and opens up wide. She feels his pinkies enter her mouth and feel around her gums. She winces a few times when he brushes up against the back of her mouth. She hears him whisper sorry a few times. Abby tries to focus on anything else. She focuses on how green his eyes are, and how seemingly perfect his skin is. Her mind wanders to how people get skin like that. What’s his routine? How could she get skin as smooth? Does he see a dermatologist regularly?

“Okay, Abby, I’m gonna out the chair back upright, and go grab your dad and the doctor. Hope that didn’t hurt too much.”

“It was fine, thank you.”

Abby’s dad, two nurses, Harry, and the doctor all come over to her to discuss her teeth. She definitely needed all four removed. They settle on a date for her to come back and have the procedure done, and Harry gives her the rundown on how to prep for the surgery.

“We’ll see you in a couple of weeks, Abby.” Harry smiles.

“You’ll be here?”

“You bet.”

Even though she was nervous as fuck to go under, she was almost excited to see the handsome dental student again. At least it was something to look forward to.

//

Abby had an early morning surgery, and she had to stop eating the night before. So she was exhausted and starving, not to mention she was a ball of nerves. Her dad drove her in for the appointment, and assured her he’d be there afterwards.

“Abby?” Harry comes out all scrubbed up and ready to go. She stands up and waves back to her dad before going with him. He brings her over to a consult chair and types on the computer. “Alright, whatcha have for breakfast?”

“N-nothing, I haven’t eaten since dinner last night.”

“Good girl.” He says without looking at her. “And what about a midnight snack?”

“Harry, I haven’t eaten since dinner last night.”

“You remembered my name?” He asks as he turns to her, and she blushes.

“Sort of hard to forget the British guy that told my dad to go sit somewhere else.” She smirks, and it makes him laugh. “Will you be in the operating room?”

“Yup, I’ll be there the whole time. I’m the hand holder.”

“The hand holder?”

“Mhm, while they’re helping you get to sleep I’ll be holding your hand, making sure you’re alright. I also get to put the IV in your arm.”

“Lucky you.” She deadpans and it makes him laugh again.

“What are you in school for?”

“Psychology. I’d like to be the type of doctor that doesn’t have to deal with all this.” She gestures around the room.

“Helping people on a whole other level, I see.” He nods.

The doctor comes over, and she must have gotten asked about four more times if she had eaten breakfast. She gets settled in the chair in the new room where she’d be operated on. She watches as Harry gets the IV in her arm, and then he holds her hand, just like he said he was. He was wearing a mask now, but she could tell he was smiling.

“Don’t worry, Abby, the next time you wake up these nasty teeth will be gone.”

She nods at him and squeezes his hand as they get the oxygen hooked up to her nose. His thumb rubs the back of her hand as a nurse puts the mask over her mouth, and her eyes slowly start to droop. The last image she has is Harry’s hand in hers.

When Abby wakes up, her eyes immediately well up with tears as she looks around the room. She sees her dad sitting in a chair reading a magazine, and she sees the IV still hooked up to her arm. She makes a whining noise and her dad looks over at her.

“Hey, you’re awake.” He smiles. “Everything went really well, honey. You did great.”

After about ten minutes a nurse comes in and takes the IV out. In her daze she tried looking for Harry, but she couldn’t find him. She was so delirious she could barely walk, and her dad had to help her to the car. She just wanted to say thank you to Harry for holding her hand, but she never got the chance.

//

Several years later, Abby had finished her master’s degree in counseling, and just finished up her licensure program. She already had a few different job opportunities lined up. The one she wanted most was at a local university at a counseling center. Being a student in today’s age was tough, and Abby wanted to be someone they could open up to. She had done extremely well in her postgraduate internship, so she had impeccable recommendations. She just needed to narrow things down to what school she wanted to work for, and that ultimately came down to benefits. She ended up going with UMASS Boston. It was a school a lot of her friends attended, so she sort of knew the campus, it was easy enough to get to by train, and the benefits were great.

After getting the first semester under her belt, Abby was feeling confident in what she was doing. She was truly helping students. She’d even be able to go for her PhD for free after she had six months under her belt. With winter break underway, Abby was getting caught up on some self-care, which meant going in for her annual cleaning.

“Hello, this is MidCity General Denstistry, may I please speak with Abigail Simmons?”

“This is she.”

“Hi, Abigail, this is a call to remind you of your appointment this week.”

“Right, Wednesday at 3PM?”

“Correct, and I have to inform you that your usual dentist, Dr. Morgan, has recently retired.”

“Oh…I mean good for her, I just liked her a lot.” Abby chuckles.

“Don’t worry, our new doctor, Dr. Styles, is amazing and everyone’s really like him so far. He’s taking over all of Dr. Morgan’s patients.”

“Okay, that should be fine. See you Wednesday!” Abby hangs up the phone and puts an extra reminder on her phone so she wouldn’t forget.

On Wednesday, she checked in and was brought into the back by a nurse, Marie. She was the dental assistant that would be doing her cleaning, nothing out of the ordinary. Although, Abby was starting to get aggravated because Marie kept sticking the pick into the same tooth in the back of her mouth. She hears Marie sigh.

“Abby, it seems like you may have a cavity. Dr. Styles will be able to confirm it. Let me polish you up, and then I’ll go get him.”

Before Abby has a chance to respond, Marie was already polishing her teeth. She was left to lay back in the chair while Marie went to get Dr. Styles.

“Hello, Miss Simmons.” Abby’s eyes widen when she hears his voice. He sits on a stool and wheels over next to her. “I’m Dr. Styles, nice to meet you.” He extends his hand to her and she takes it. “Mind if I take a quick peak at everything else before I inspect this possible cavity?”

“N-no, go ahead.”

“Thank you, open wide for me.”

She does so, and he sticks his gloved fingers into her mouth, feeling around her gums, and making sure everything’s alright. Next he grabs the tools and does a quick inspection of her overall mouth before poking at the tooth that Marie said was the problem. Abby notices how he hum along to the music playing on the radio. It was almost soothing.

“Okay, I’m gonna hit the button so you can sit up.” He says to her. Marie moves the light, and Abby takes the sunglasses she was given off. Her eyes widen again when she gets a good look at him.

Abby had come into contact with a lot of people in her life since the time she was twenty. It would be odd to remember someone that helped with her oral surgery, but too much was adding up. A man with a British accent, the same green eyes, and he was in the dental profession. She was finally going to get a chance to thank him.

“You have a cavity.” He sighs.

“I’ve never had one in my life.” She shakes her head.

“Happens to the best of us.” Dr. Styles chuckles. “Are you eating a lot of sweets?”

“Um, well, I’m a counselor at UMASS Boston, and I tend to suck on jolly ranchers when I’m meeting with students. Helps remind me to just sit and listen and not interrupt.”

“Ah, that’s a pretty good trick. Maybe try sugar free gum?”

“No, gum gives me a headache.” She shakes her head. “I prefer to suck than to chew.”

“Right.” He swallows. “Maybe try sucking on some mints then?”

“Sure, I can try that.” She smiles at him.

“Good girl.” He smiles back at her. That just sealed the deal it was definitely him. “Marie here will help you set up an appointment so I can take care of this for you.”

“You’ll be doing the procedure?”

“Mhm, you’re stuck with me now…unless you want to switch to another doctor, which I hope you don’t. Hope you’re not missing Dr. Morgan too much.”

“Not as much as I thought, that’s for sure. Um…this may be a weird question, but did you happen to be a student at Tufts Medical Center?”

“I was! It’s where I went after I got my bachelor’s. I can perform oral surgery, but I much prefer doing stuff like this. Can fill a cavity in my sleep. How did you know I went there?”

“I…this is going to sound so weird, but, like, six years ago you…held my hand when I got my wisdom teeth out.” Harry’s eyes widen at that. “Normally I wouldn’t remember someone so well, but…it’s not every day I have a British doctor.”

“Oh, wow, you remember me doing that?”

“Yeah, and we left before I ever got a chance to say thank you for keeping me so calm. So…thanks.” She blushes.

“I wish…I wish I remembered that. They often had me as the hand holder. How nice for our paths to cross again, huh? Promise to be just as good a dentist as I was at holding your hand.”

“That’s all I could hope for.” She smirks, and it makes him chuckle. “Right, well, Marie, please help Miss Simmons set up her appointment with me so we can get this cavity filled.”

“Sure thing, Dr. Styles.” Marie says as she makes a few clicks on the computer.

Just like that he was gone. He had grown into quite the handsome man since she last saw him. Not that he wasn’t before, but he looked more adult now. She wondered how much older he was than her. More importantly, she wondered if he was single.

//

It was about a week later when Abby came in to have her cavity taken care of. Marie was the dental assistant again which brought Abby some comfort. Marie gets her prepped in the chair as they wait for Harry to come into the private room.

“Alright, good morning, Miss Simmons.” He says brightly.

“You can just call me Abby if you want…” She says shyly.

“Okay, Abby, it is. Let’s fill this cavity, yeah?” He sits on the stool and wheels over to her. “Gotta give you a spot of nova cane, but before I do that we have to numb the area a bit, so this little thing that looks like a lollypop is gonna go in.” Abby nods. “Open up for me.” She does so. “Good girl, thank you.” He places the numbing stick inside her mouth and she scrunches her face. “I know, it doesn’t taste very good, sorry.” He stands back up. “I’ll be back in about five minutes.”  

True to his word, Harry comes back five minutes later, and takes the numbing stick out of Abby’s mouth. Next he has her open up so he can administer the nova cane. He tells her she might feel a slight pinch, and she accidentally grabs onto his thigh.

“S-sorry.” Abby says as she takes her hand off him. “I may not be afraid of the dentist, but I really don’t like needles.”

Harry and Marie share a glance, and then Harry looks at Abby.

“Marie, would you mind handling the nova cane so I can hold Abby’s hand?”

“Sure thing, Dr. Styles.”

Harry hands the needle to Marie, and then Harry grabs onto Abby’s hand. He smiles softly at her, and she’s able to focus on him and not the needle going into her gums. Marie says it’s all set, so Harry gets back into position with the drill.

“If it hurts, just let me know and we can numb you a bit more.” Harry says to her. “It’ll be over before you know it.”

Abby pinches her eyes closed the second the drill comes into contact with her tooth. Thank god Harry was wearing a mask because he couldn’t help but smile at how cute she looked. Luckily, Abby didn’t suffer too much. The procedure didn’t take too long, and she was sitting upright before she knew it.

“You did great.” Harry smiles at her. “So, that side of your mouth will be numb for a bit. Give it a few hours before you eat anything, avoid hot foods.” Abby just nods her head along, too embarrassed to speak because she knew she would sound stupid. “Have you made your appointment for your next cleaning?” She nods again. “Great, Marie, I’m just gonna go over another few things with Abby, feel free to go on your break.”

“Oh, alright. See you in six months, Abby.” Marie smiles, and leaves the room as Abby waves to her.

“I actually already went over everything with you. I…uh…just wanted her to step out.” Abby’s eyes widen at that. “I was actually wondering, um, if you’d like to go out for coffee sometime…you know, when you can have hot liquids again.” He blushes and so does she. She nods yes at him quickly. “You do? Great, um, can I have your number then?” Abby frantically reaches for the phone in her pocket, unlocks it, and then hands it to Harry so he can add his contact. “I’ll call you in a couple of days so we can set something up, yeah?”

She smiles and nods as she takes her phone back. Her heart was fluttering. She felt like she was in a dream or something. Coffee couldn’t come soon enough.

//

Harry called Abby a couple of days later, just like he said he would, and they agreed upon what coffee shop they should meet up at on Saturday. Her mouth was feeling much better, and she was really excited to see him. She was still in shock that he asked her out in the first place. She thought she’d have to wait another six months to see him again.

He got to the coffee shop first, and decided to wait outside for her. He smiles when he sees her and they step inside.

“It’s on me.” He says. “Get whatever you like.”

“Oh! That’s so nice of you.” Abby blushes. “Thanks.” They each order and grab a table to sit at. It was too cold outside to go for a walk.

“I just want to preface by saying I’ve never asked out a patient before.” Harry says to her.

“So…why ask me out then?”

“I just found it really endearing that you remembered me, and all you wanted to do was say thank you to me for doing something so simple.”

“Harry, I had just turned twenty, I was practically still a kid. I had never gone under or had a surgery before, I was petrified. My dad was just as nervous, you were the only thing that calmed me down.”

“So, that would make you roughly twenty-six now?”

“Yes it would.” She smiles as she takes a sip of her coffee. “How old are you?”

“I’ll be thirty-two next month.” It was an age difference both of them might have been against those years ago, but not now. They were both well into adulthood, had their careers, and had some life experience under their belts. “It’s killing me that I don’t remember you.”

“It’s really okay. You’ve probably seen so many patients. I’m sure years down the line I won’t remember every student I’ve met with.”

“Right, you said you’re a counselor at…?”

“UMASS Boston.”

“And how do you like doing that?”

“I love it, honestly. I feel so bad for these kids, they have so much on their plates, under all this pressure. It’s really brave of them to come ask for help, so I like giving them a safe space. Some meetings are more serious than others, so it’s never boring. I feel like I’m doing something worthwhile.”

“That’s amazing. Feel like I do better talking to people in small spurts, that’s what’s so great about being a dentist. People can’t strike up small talk when you’ve got your fingers in their mouth.” He laughs and so does Abby.

“How long have you been at MidCity for?”

“Like…six months, I think. I like it a lot, everyone’s really nice. Marie’s my favorite assistant, though, sometimes her kids come in and they’re really cute, and her wife bakes the best brownies.”

“She’s usually the one to do my cleanings, I like her a lot too.”

“Can I ask why you chose jolly ranchers to suck on? I mean, how many students are you meeting with? You must go through a ton.”

“I do.” She blushes in embarrassment. “I got them when they were on sale after Halloween…I’m definitely going to try the mints like you said.”

“Good, I’m glad.” He smiles as he takes a bite of his bagel.

“So, how does a doctor such as yourself not already have a girlfriend?”

“Getting right to it, huh?” He smirks and she nods. “Medical school takes up a lot of time, and then when I first started as an intern, I was constantly overworked. I was doing surgeries left and right, I was too exhausted to try and make anything serious work. Then I decided I’d rather be working at a practice. I still do a lot of teeth pulling, but not as much as I was. And now that things have slowed down a bit, I just haven’t met someone I’ve wanted to be serious with.” He shrugs. “What about you?”

“Same thing, sort of.” She giggles. “Grad school was a lot, and then interning was a lot. Now I’m just really settling into my job. I survived the first semester, now I feel like a pro.”

“That’s a good feeling to have. Is your commute long?���

“Not really, I just take the green line to the red and I’m there. Obviously the trains can be unpredictable, but it beats having to pay for a car and car insurance. What about you? Are you in the city, or out in the suburbs.”

“Oh, I’m in the city. I drive to work, though, I’ve got my own parking spot at the back of the building.”

“Well, we can’t all be so special.” She smirks.

“No, I suppose not.” He smirks back at her. “How’s your tooth feel, by the way?”

“Oh, it’s fine, thanks. You’re really good at your job. It was nice of you to hold my hand when Marie did the nova cane.”

“I felt so bad that you were scared.” He reaches across the table and places his hand over hers. “When you grabbed onto me I knew I had to do something.”

“God that was embarrassing. I would have felt so violated if someone did that to me.”

“It’s not like you grabbed my dick, Abby, it’s alright.” He gives her hand a squeeze.

“Right.” She lets out a nervous laugh. “So, do you work a standard Monday through Friday at MidCity, or how does all of that work?”

“Yup, pretty much.” He takes his hand away from hers. “I mean obviously if there’s an emergency we have to cancel appointments, but for the most part we leave spots open for surgeries so people are able to book those easy enough. I usually pop by the cleanings in between cavity fillings and other stuff.”

“What made you want to become a dentist?”

“Well, I knew I wanted to work in the medical field, but selfishly I didn’t want the long hours at hospitals. I don’t have to be on call, like, I don’t have to worry about emergencies in the middle of the night. Not often, anyways.”

“I feel like I would get grossed out looking at teeth all day.” Abby chuckles.

“It’s not as bad as you think. I try to separate the teeth from the person. Like, I was able to give all new teeth to this recovering meth addict. She had this incredible story, and I knew I had to help. She had been sober for five years, but no one would hire her because of her teeth. Now she’s working a corporate job doing great.”

“Oh, wow, that’s amazing.”

“You must have some great stories with your students.”

“Yeah, I’ve really bonded with a few of them. Sometimes they just need someone on their side, you know? A lot of them are first in their family to go to school, so they’re doing a lot on their own.”

“That’s a lot of pressure.”

“You have no idea.”

“Well, it’s good they have a nice person like you to help them.” Harry smiles warmly at her and she smiles back. “Would you, um, would you be interested in going out for dinner some time?”

“I…yeah, I’d love to.” She blinks a couple of times. “I’m free most nights right now because we’re on winter break.”

“You don’t have to go into your office at all?”

“I just answer emails from home.” Abby shrugs.

“Sweet deal.” Harry grins. “So, how would Thursday night work for you?”

“Thursday works great.” She smiles.

They both throw out all of their trash and step out of the coffee shop. They share a gentle hug, and go their separate ways. Harry said he’d call in a couple of days to let her know where he’d be taking her, and she was beyond excited.

//

Friday night, Harry picked Abby up in front of her building. When he saw her, he got out of the car to open the door for her and she giggled.

“That’s a nice coat.” He says to her.

“Thanks, I got it on sale at L.L. Bean back in August. Keeps me nice and warm.”

“Oh, I love shopping there! Once in a while I’ll take the drive up to New Hampshire to go to the actual store to get the really good stuff. The boots I got from there for the winter will last a life time.”

“Yeah, it’s just good quality stuff. I usually get a decent coupon in the mail or online.” She chews her bottom lip. Clearly Harry had a little more money than she did. “Where are we eating?”

“You’ll love it, it’s this nice Italian place at the North End. I remember you said Italian was something you liked when we spoke on the phone.”

Abby smiles at him and he looks at her briefly to smile back. He finds a place to park, somehow, and they walk towards the restaurants. She hadn’t been to the North End in a while since most of the places were expensive. Harry puts his hand on the small of her back as they walk in, and he tells the hostess he has a reservation. She leads them over to a table for two and he pulls out the chair for her.

“So, how’s your week been?” Abby asks him.

“Pretty good, fit this one person with a new tooth, did a couple of crowns. Same old, same old.” He shrugs. “How about you?”

“Good, I did some virtual sessions with some students who are having shitty winter breaks. I went into the office for a team retreat, and then I updated some spread sheets.” She chuckles.

“That’s nice of you to do virtual appointments.”

“It’s all part of the job.”

“Good evening, folks.” A waiter comes over with water and a basket of rolls. “I’m Parker, can I start you off with any drinks or appetizers?”

“Abby, would you care to get a bottle of white for the table?” Harry asks her.

“Oh, sure, that’s be great. Would Pinot Grigio be alright?”

“It’s perfect. A bottle of Piniot Grigio, please.” He looks down at the menu and furrows his brows at the appetizers. “Calamari?” He asks her and she nods. “Calamari, Parker.”

“Sounds great, I’ll be back in a moment with the wine and to take your dinner orders.”

“The calamari here is excellent, it’s lightly fried in peanut oil so it doesn’t feel heavy.”

“What do you recommend for an entrée?”

“Everything’s good. What are you in the mood for?”

Abby looks down at the menu and her eyebrows raise at the prices.

“Maybe just one of these pasta dishes.”

“Don’t do that.”

“What?”

“Don’t get the cheapest thing on the menu. Get whatever you like, it’s my treat.”

“Harry, this is gonna be really expensive.”

“I wouldn’t have brought you here if I couldn’t afford it, please don’t worry about it.”

“O-okay, then…maybe the steak tips with the pan seared peppers.”

“If that’s what you want then you should have it.” Harry smiles. Parker comes over with the bottle of wine, and pours the first two glasses for them. “I’m really glad we could do this tonight.” He grins. “I…found something when I was going through some old things the other day.”

“Oh?” She raises an eyebrow as she sips on her drink.

“It was killing me that I couldn’t remember you, but then it hit me.” He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a card. “I’ve never been so thankful to be a packrat in my life.” He opens it and smiles. “Dear Harry, I never got a chance to say thank you when you held my hand before my surgery. I figured I’d drop this off when I came in to have my stitches removed. I hope this finds its way to you. You’re going to be a great doctor someday. Sincerely, Abby Simmons.” He smiles at her as he places the card back in his back pocket.

“You…you kept that?”

“It wasn’t often I got cards like that, so I kept it, and once in a while when I needed a pick me up I’d read it. As soon as I re-read it the other day I completely remembered you. I even remembered telling your dad to go sit in the other waiting room.”

“Oh my god.” Abby chuckles. “That was the greatest thing I had ever seen. Think that solidified the crush I had on you.”

“Telling your dad to basically leave you alone?”

“Yeah.” She smirks. “Super hot to see you be so sure of yourself and confident. Plus, he was really pissing me off, talking over me and answering for me.”

“Wow, so I guess I’m the one that away, huh?” He smirks.

“You certainly were. Although, I hadn’t thought about you in quite some time. It’s crazy that you ended up becoming my dentist.”

“Very crazy.” Parker comes over with the calamari and tells the two he’s going to put their orders in now. Harry watches as she sticks her fork into a piece and takes a bite. “You’re really cute, you know that?”

“I’ll take your word for it.” She smiles. “This is really good.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

The rest of the date goes really well. Abby and Harry continued to joke around and flirt. It wasn’t until the check came that she felt a little uncomfortable.

“How much is it?” She asks him nervously.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He smirks and slides his card into the slot, letting Parker take it. “Would you like to walk around for a bit, maybe get some dessert by the water?”

“That sounds great, but only if I can pay for dessert.”

“Deal.” He smiles.

Harry holds Abby’s hand as they walk through the little park by the water. Even though it was cold out, it was still a beautiful night. They duck into a gelato place for a little dessert. They decide to split something, which ends up being insanely romantic when Harry lifts his spoon to her lips. She makes a show of it as she takes a bite, licking her lips after and everything. He holds her hand during the drive, and lets her pick the radio station. He gets out and walks her up to the door once they get to her building.

“I had a lot of fun with you tonight.” She says to him.

“Me too.” He steps closer to her. “Do you see a third date in our future?”

“Definitely.” She nods. “Do you like bowling?”

“Love bowling. Are you, um, free Saturday night?”

“I can be.” She smiles. “Pick me up around seven?”

“It’s a date.” He smiles. The two stand there awkwardly for a moment, unsure if they should kiss or not, so instead Harry opens his arms for hug, and she wraps her arms around his neck. She kisses his cheek, and then he kisses hers. “I’ll see you Saturday, Abby.”

“See you Saturday, Harry.”

//

Harry was on cloud nine the next day at work. He couldn’t stop thinking about Abby, her smile, her laugh, the little beauty mark she has under right eye. He thought she was gorgeous, charming, and kind. Normally he’d never get involved with a patient, but he couldn’t help it with her. He thought it was so sweet that she remembered him after all this time, and he felt so relieved that he remembered her.

“You’ve had this dreamy look on your face all week, what’s with you?” Marie asks Harry while they’re eating lunch.

“I…sort of met someone, and we’ve been out a couple times…she’s great.”

“That’s great! Anyone I know?”

“Um…well, you know Abigail Simmons…”

“Of course I know Abby! Oh my god, is that why you asked me to step out of the room when you filled her cavity?!”

“I didn’t wanna ask her out in front of you.”

“Harry, since when do you date patients?” She whispers.

“Normally I wouldn’t, but it turns out I met her a long time ago. When I was a student at Tufts I assisted in removing her wisdom teeth.”

“Oh, wow, that’s incredible.” Marie blinks. “When are you seeing her again?”

“Tomorrow night. We’re going bowling, how fun is that?”

“Should be really fun.” Marie grins. “Look at you, putting yourself out there. Now Leigh and I can stop trying to set you up.”

“I’m excited about her. She’s got such a cool job too. I can’t wait to keep getting to know her.”

//

Since they were going bowling, they could easily just take the train, so Harry takes a cab to Abby’s building Saturday evening. He was wearing a nice pair of jeans and a sweater under his jacket. She comes down the stairs in her long coat, and a Patriots hat on top of her head.

“Hey.” He smiles at her, taking her in for a hug. “How are you?”

“Good.” She smiles up at him. “How are you?”

“Good, great, actually.” He takes her hand and they walk towards the nearest t-stop. They both swipe their Charlie Cards and hop onto the next train.  

“I hope you’re okay with candle pins…I’m not good with the big balls.” Abby says to him as they hang onto the same pole of the crowded train.

“I love candle pinning.” He chuckles. “No worries.”

They get to the bowling alley, are given a lane, and get their shoes. Abby takes her hat off and fixes her hair, and then unzips her jacket. She had a pair of jeans on with a red turtleneck. Abby was a short, curvy thing, and Harry absolutely loved it. When Abby first met Harry back when she was twenty, she was a tiny size two, but now she was a comfortable size eight and was fully embracing it. She was healthy, and that was all that mattered.

“Do you want anything to drink? I could get us a pitcher of beer.” Harry says to her as they settle into their lane. “I could get us some pizza too.”

“That sounds great, thanks.” She smiles as she slips her shoes on.

“Be back in a tick.” Harry goes over to the snack bar and gets two slices of pizza and a pitcher of beer. “Here we are.” Harry fills two of the plastic cups up with the beer, and hands one to Abby. “Shall we?”

“Mhm, I already set up the score sheets.” She shows him the large sheet of paper. “Not that I care that much about the score…it’s just fun to keep track.”

Abby bowls first, knocking most of the pins down, and then gets the rest on her second throw. Harry couldn’t help but smile as he watched her to do a little jog and hop as she threw the ball down the lane. He goes up next and immediately gets a strike.

“Woohoo! Go, Harry!” Abby says as she takes a sip of her beer. “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a strike before.”

“I could show you how if you want.”

“Isn’t it just luck?”

“Nope, it’s all physics.”

“And…you’re good with physics?”

“Had to take it during pre-med, I even tutored for it. Come on, I’ll show you.” Abby gets up and grabs one of the balls. Harry goes behind her, and puts his hand on one of her shoulders, moving her hair so he can speak closer to her ear. “Okay, so what you’re gonna want to do is walk a little closer to the line, swing the ball back, and let it fly.”

Abby turns slightly to look up at him. Her cheeks were flushed. She nods at him, and does exactly what he said to do, and she gets the strike.

“Oh my god!” She squeals and throws her arms around him. “I can’t believe that worked! You’re amazing!” She kisses his cheek.

“You did great! Nice to know you’re good at following directions.” He winks at her and grabs his next ball.

After three rounds of bowling, and two pitchers of beer, they both head out. They take the train back to the stop nearest to Abby’s apartment, and Harry walks her home.

“I had so much fun tonight, Harry.”

“Me too, I’m glad you suggested bowling.” They both stop in front of her steps. “Can I see you again next weekend?”

“I’d like that.”

“Maybe if it’s not too cold we could go ice skating at Frog Pond.”

“Oh, I’d love to do that! I have my own skates and everything.”

“Perfect.” He smiles and steps closer to her. She looks up at him with her big brown eyes. He didn’t think brown eyes as beautiful as hers existed. “Abby, can I kiss you?” He asks softly.

“Yes.” She nods and smiles up at him.

He cups her cheek and leans down to her. His lips press to hers, and he uses is other hand to cup her other cheek. It’s soft and gentle at first, it grows a little needier as she presses her body to his, but she stops him from walking up the stairs. She pulls away first and blushes.

“Um, well, goodnight.” She says to him.

“Yeah, goodnight.” He rubs the back of his neck. He was sorting of hoping she’d invite him up. It was the third date, after all. Maybe she was a fifth date kind of girl, which he had to respect. “I’ll call you at some point during the week. I’ve got a few different surgeries, though, so if you don’t hear from me a lot that’s why.”

“No worries.” She shrugs. “I’m getting ready for the students to return, and I have some meetings to go to, some seminars, so I’ll be busy myself. Wanna just plan for next Saturday?”

“Sounds good to me.” He leans again to kiss her again, and she happily kisses him back.

“Okay, goodnight for real.” She giggles and walks up her steps. She waves goodbye as she goes into her building and he sighs.

Abby sighs happily as she gets into her apartment and squeals. She immediately texts her best friend everything about her date with Harry. She was so excited about him, and couldn’t believe he was actually interested in her.

//

They texted here and there during the week. Abby got a little brave and sent him a mirror selfie of her dressed up for work, and he sent one back of himself in his scrubs ready to go in for surgery. Her jaw nearly dropped when she saw him. She had seen him in scrubs before, but it was ages ago. He filled them out so differently now. Plus, the thought of him being a doctor just did things to her insides that she couldn’t even describe. He thought she looked gorgeous in her pin striped slacks and blouse. He couldn’t but think about how lucky each student was that got to sit and talk with her.

Harry was exhausted by the end of the week. He must have extracted over a dozen teeth, filled a stupid amount of cavities, and put on ten different crowns. He couldn’t wait to see Abby Saturday. He asked her to go to the pond a little earlier in the evening so they could get dinner afterwards. The decided to just meet at the pond. She was easy enough to spot now that he knew what her long coat and Patriots hat looked like.

“Harry.” She smiles when she turns to see him. They hug and share a quick peck on the lips. “Did you catch up on some sleep?”

“I did.” He sighs as they find a bench to sit down on to put on their skates. “Been looking forward to seeing you all week. How’d your seminar go?”

“Oh, it was great! It ended up being more of a training, I have a new certification too.”

“That’s amazing, good for you. I’m constantly going to lectures and stuff to stay up to date. I’ve published a couple of things too to some medical journals.”

“That’s so cool! Once I’ve been at UMASS for six months I can start taking classes for free. I’m gonns go for my doctorate, so hopefully I can start publishing some work too.” They both stand up and make their way into the rink. Abby puts her hand out for Harry’s and he takes it as they start to glide on the ice.

“That’s great that they have a program like that for you.”

“I know! I was super happy when I saw that in the benefits package.”

They skate around the rink a few times, enjoying the music that was playing. Harry guides them over to the side for a little break. He presses her against it, his hands going onto the railing, caging her in. She looks up at him, and he leans in to kiss her. She tugs on his coat to pull him closer, and the kiss deepens slightly. Abby really liked kissing Harry. He always tasted like mint, probably because he was constantly chewing gum, and his lips were insanely soft. She starts smiling and so does he, and he presses his forehead to hers.

“Do you feel like going to eat now?” He says to her.

“Yeah.” She nods.

They end up going to a Mexican restaurant not too far from the pond. They each get margaritas and laugh a lot. Harry talks about what it’s like to extract teeth during a surgery, and Abby asks if people ever want to see their teeth afterwards. He asks Abby how she copes when she has to deal with a heavier situation at work, and she says her little Shih Tzu, Marvin, helps make her day a lot better.

“That’s nice your apartment allows pets.” He says to her.

“Yeah, he’s only, like, nine pounds, if that. He’s so cute, do you wanna see a picture?”

“Of course!” Abby pulls out her phone to show Harry a few pictures of Marvin, and even a selfie she took with him. “He’s so cute, and so are you.”

“Thanks.” She giggles.

“He looks like a little stuffed animal.”

“He really does.”

“Why a Shih Tzu?”

“They’re really smart. They’re tough to train because they’re so stubborn, but once they get a little older they start to listen, and they’re pretty self-sufficient alone during the day. Although, sometimes I sneak him into the office.”

“How old is he?”

“About two. Do you have any pets?”

“Nah, I’m not home enough to take care of anything else. But I love dogs, I think they’re great.”

“Well, maybe at some point you can meet little Marv.”

“I’d like that.”

They square up the tab and Harry walks Abby home once again. They kiss for a while outside her front door. He desperately wanted to feel her tongue on his, but she wouldn’t open her mouth up. His hands squeeze at her hips, and she tugs on his jacket like she had done earlier.

“Well, I better get up inside.” She says against his lips and he hums his response as he continues to kiss her. She giggles into him. “Harry.” She smiles and steps back from him.

“Sorry, I just really like kissing you.”

“I like kissing you too.”

“When can I see you again?”

She takes her phone out to check her calendar.

“Are you free on Friday?” She asks as she furrows her brows at her screen.

“I think so. We could go to dinner, if you like. There’s this really great Chinese place in China Town that I love going to if you’re interested.”

“That sounds great, Harry.” She smiles. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Maybe…um, maybe we could meet up for lunch, or something at some point during the week.”

“Do you have time for something like that?”

“I’m sure I do. I can look at my calendar and let you know which day works best.”

“Okay.” She nods. “I’d love to meet up for lunch.”

“Great.” He leans in to kiss her again. “Hope you and Marvin have a good night.”

“Oh, we will. He’s probably antsy for me to get up there and give him all the cuddles I can. Text me when you know which day works for lunch.” She smiles and heads inside.

Harry couldn’t believe a little dog was going to be getting all of her cuddles tonight and not him. She was slowly killing him. He respected that she might want to take things slow, but to still not invite him up? He sighs and orders an uber back to his condo, hoping he’ll be able to fall asleep easily, and not stay up thinking about the girl who was slowly creeping her way into his heart.

//

Abby was able to meet up with Harry on Tuesday, but only for a quick walk, which she thought would be a great opportunity for Harry to meet Marvin. She gets his sweater and harness on, leashes him up, and out the door she goes. Harry was standing outside her building, in his scrubs, and a jacket, with two hot chocolates.

“Thank you.” She smiles and takes the warm drink from him. “Harry, this is Marvin.”

“Aw.” He pouts, and squats down to put his hand in front of Marvin’s nose before he pets him. “Nice to meet you little guy.” He looks up at Abby. “He’s even cuter in person.”

“Right? I’m really excited we could get out for a little bit today. He loves when I can take him for a good walk.” Harry stands back up straight and they all start walking. “Were you in surgery today?”

“Yeah, early this morning, and I’ve got another one later this afternoon. Didn’t make much sense for me to put my other clothes back on.”

“You look cute in your scrubs.” Abby says, a blush creeping onto her cheeks.

Harry nudges her and he looks down at Marvin.

“He’s pretty quiet, huh?”

“He was yappy when I first got him, but he’s calmed down a lot. First summer I had him I spent a lot of time training him. Pretty much taught him not to bark unless someone’s trying to break in.”

“You must be good with discipline then.”

“I try to be. Although, I’m more of a fan of positive reinforcement.” They pull to the side as Marvin takes a tinkle near a fire hydrant. “Good boy, Marvin.” She says and gives him a kibble as a treat. “Kibbles are great treats. Can’t get fat off what he normally eats.”

“That’s really smart. Have you, uh, been laying off the jolly ranchers?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Dr. Styles, I didn’t realize we were in your office.”

“Abby…”

“I’ve been trying to, but I have a horrible sweet tooth. They’re the only candy I really eat. What’s the harm?”

“Your teeth rotting out?”

“Okay, good point. I mean, I haven’t had nearly as many since I’m not really meeting with students right now, and I’ve already gone out and bought a ton of mints for the next semester.”

“Good girl, that’s what I like to hear.”

“What do you say to your male patients?”

“Pardon?”

“It’s just…you say good girl a lot…do you do that with all your female patients, and if so…what do you say to your male patients? Also, I’m an adult woman. Do you say good girl to all adult women?”

“Abby.” Harry chuckles. “I think I’ve only ever said that to you.”

“Oh, fuck off, I bet you say it all the time.”

“I really don’t.”

“Then why me?”

“You’re cute, and I tend to be a flirt sometimes.”

“You consider calling me a good girl flirting?” She stops short and he turns to look at her.

“I do.” He nods, a smirk growing on his lips. “Do you want me to stop saying it to you?”

“N-no.”

“Alright then.” He grins and they continue walking until they get to Marvin’s turn around spot, and make their way back to Abby’s building. “I’m glad we got to meet up for a bit. Still on for Friday night?”

“Definitely.” She goes up on her tip toes to kiss him goodbye and inside she goes. Harry left her with butterflies in her stomach.

//

Harry was really hoping tonight would be the night something more happens between him and Abby. He just wanted to feel her body on his. He drives to her place around seven Friday night, and he waits outside the car for her.

“Hello, beautiful.” He says to her as she steps outside.

“Hey.” She smiles and kisses him. He opens the door for her and he jogs around the other side to get back in. He takes her hand in his as she drives towards China Town. “How was your day?”

“Good, really busy, but good. I tend to get a lot of kids on Fridays since it’s an easy day for them to miss school.”

“I bet the little kids love you.”

“They do, I like being goofy with them.” They get to the restaurant, and are seated. “Do you want to share a few things?”

“Sure, that sounds good.” She smiles. “I hardly ever come out here, how’d you find this place?”

“When I was at Tufts I used to come to China Town all the time since it’s close by. I got sick of eating at all of the same places, so I decided to come around here and branch out. This is obviously nicer, but I like it a lot.” They decide which dishes they want to share, and tell the waitress when she comes over. They both also order a couple of drinks. “The semester’s starting soon, right?”

“Yeah, on Monday, actually.”

“Oh, wow! Do you feel ready?”

“For the most part.” She nods. “The first week is usually quiet, and then I start to get booked out. That’s how it was last semester, anyways. I already have some of my regulars from last semester on my calendar for next week.”

“I bet they’re excited to see you, I know I would be.” He places his hand over hers and gives it a squeeze. “Abby, um, after dinner…I was wondering if you’d like to come back to my place for a bit.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet of you to offer, but I don’t want to leave Marvin for that long.” She takes a sip of her drink. “Another time, though.” She smiles and he nods at that.

A food runner brings their dishes over, and luckily nothing feels awkward, but Harry was sort of hoping that she’d offer to have him over after dinner instead. They both enjoy the food, and share a few laughs before heading back to Harry’s car. When he pulls up to her place they both linger for a moment.

“Thanks again for dinner, Harry, I had a great time.”

“Me too.” He looks at her. “Can I ask you something?” She nods yes at him. “Are you, uh, seeing anyone else? It’s okay if you are, we never said this was exclusive, I guess I’d just like to know.”

“No, I’m not seeing anyone else. I would have told you if I was dating around. Are you seeing anyone else?”

“No.”

“Okay.” She smiles. “Good to know.” She leans across the console to kiss him, and he kisses her back. He turns his body more so he can cup her jaw. “Are you busy tomorrow?”

“I…I don’t think so, I mean, just usual weekend errand type stuff. Might be grabbing drinks with some friends in the evening, why?”

“I was just thinking maybe, um, you could come over for dinner, but if you’re busy-“

“I can cancel. I can get drinks with them any time.”

“Don’t be silly.” She smiles. “We can do it another night. We’ll figure it out. I better get upstairs.” She pecks his lips. “Goodnight.” She gets out of the car, leaving him speechless. He wanted to rip his hair out at this point.

//

“Harry, how things going with that girl you’ve been seeing?” Greg asks him as they sit in a booth at the bar.

“Yeah, you still like her?” Lenny asks.

“Things are going well.” He nods. “But I can’t seem to figure her out. We’ve been out, like, six times and she still hasn’t invited me up to her place. I invited her back to mind last night, and she said she didn’t want to leave her dog alone for long.”

“Have you kissed?” Greg asks.

“Yeah, we’ve kissed plenty of times. We just haven’t done anything else. I mean, we don’t need to jump right into bed, but it’d be nice to do a little more.”

“I get what you’re saying, man.” Lenny says. “Maybe she’s just nervous.”

“I didn’t think I was giving her a reason to be.” Harry sighs. “She invited me over tonight, but I stupidly told her I had plans with you lot.”

“What are you doing with us then?! Go pick up some dessert, and go get your girl!” Greg says.

“I can’t just show up at her place…I’ll look like a stalker. What if she’s not even home?”

“So text her.” Lenny shrugs. “See if she’s around and ask if you can stop by. Tell her you’re at bar in the neighborhood.”

“But I’m not. She’ll know I’m lying.”

“Dude, just text her and see if she’s around.” Greg says.

Harry takes out his phone and types out a text. He hesitates before hitting send.

Harry: Hey, Abby! Are you home? I’m finishing up with my friends a bit earlier than I thought…maybe I could bring some dessert over?

Abby: Hey! Yeah, I’m home, snuggled up with Marv. I’d love it if you came by, especially if there’s dessert involved lol

Harry: Great! I can be by in about 30 minutes

Abby: sounds good! See you soon

“Alright, I’m gonna go up to the bar and get a lava cake to go. Thanks for being so cool about this guys.”

“No worries, H.” Lenny says. “Good luck.”

Harry races to Abby’s once he’s gotten the cake, and she buzzes him in. He knocks on her door, and she opens it for him.

“Hey.” She smiles and steps aside. “Come on in.”

“Thanks.” He pecks her cheek. “Hope you like chocolate lava cake.”

“Love it.” She takes it from him. “So…this is it. It’s just a studio.” She blushes. “But the kitchen is its own area, which is nice.”

“It’s great.” He smiles at her. “You’ve definitely utilized the space.”

There’s a large monitor mounted on the wall, a desk underneath it with Abby’s laptop, and an HDMI cord connecting both. There’s a small couch a few feet back, and then her bed is up against the opposite wall. Everything was neat and tidy.

“I use this wireless mouse as a remote, and I have a Fire Stick.” She says. Marvin comes trotting in from the kitchen. “Marv, you remember Harry. I’m just gonna stick this in the kitchen. Feel free to make yourself comfortable.” She walks into the kitchen as Harry sits down on the couch. Marvin jumps up to sit in his lap.

“Hey, little guy.” Harry pets his head and scratches behind his ears. Abby comes back out. She looks really cute tonight. She was wearing glasses, her hair tied to the side in a braid, leggings and an off the shoulder sweater. “Hope I’m not intruding on your cozy evening.”

“Not at all! I’m really glad you texted, actually. Did you have fun with your friends?”

“I did, yeah.”

“Are they dentists too?”

“Mhm, we lived together while we were in medical school. Lenny and Greg.”

“Where do they both work?”

“At other practices around the city. Greg’s actually an orthodontist. They’re both junior partners, though, I’m the first of the three of us to become a senior partner at a practice. Guess that was the one good thing about Dr. Morgan leaving MidCity.”

“You’re so successful.” She bites her bottom lip and looks down at Marvin in Harry’s lap. “Look at that, you’re here five minutes and he already liked you better than me.” She reaches and takes Marvin from Harry, snuggling him to her chest before putting him on the ground.

“I didn’t know you wore glasses.”

“Oh, I don’t. They’re just blue light blockers.” She takes them off and sets them on the side table next to the couch. “They help a lot when I’m on the computer for a while.”

“Ah.” He nods.

“What’s your place like?”

“I’ve got a condo, uh, it’s a three bedroom, but I use one as a home office.”

“Wow, good for you.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t always get to live so comfortably.”

“You’ve earned it, I bet you work really hard.” She smiles.

“I’m sure you work hard too.”

“True.” She nods. “But I’m paying off loans, and this is all I can really afford.”

“It’s a great place.” He assures her. “I wish the studio I had when I first started out was half as nice as this. I certainly didn’t keep things as neat as you.”

“Oh, I just rushed around to clean things up before you got here. It was a mess.” She laughs.

“I’m glad you were cool with me coming by.” He puts his hand over hers, rubbing his thumb along the back of her hand. “I’ve been having a great time with you this last month.”

“Me too.”

“My birthday’s next weekend, and…um, a ton of us are getting together at this pub…I’d love it if you could come.”

“Oh! Sure, would it be Saturday?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m there, I’d love to go. That’s so nice of you to invite me.” She leans in and kisses his cheek.

He looks at her, his eyes locking in on her lips. He leans in and presses his lips to hers. Her arms go around his neck to pull him closer, her fingers tangling with the curls on the nape of his neck. His arms wrap around her, hands splaying on her back to have her chest pressed to his. He lightly sucks on her bottom lip, and she opens up wider for him. He nearly groans as he licks into her, finally. She tugs on his hair as her tongue molds to his. One of his hands slides down her back and around to the front of her stomach. He just about reaches the band of her leggings when she grabs his hand, and moves it to her hip. He gives a squeeze and she whimpers into him. He plants kisses along her jaw to her earlobe, nibbling on it gently until he kisses on her neck. He mouths at her skin before sucking on her and she gasps.

“Don’t leave a mark.” She grunts, and she feels him nod against her skin. “H-Harry, is this the only reason you wanted to come see me tonight?” She blurts out and he stops to look at her.

“What? No.” He shakes his head. “I genuinely wanted to see you and split that cake. And…I mean…yeah, I’ve been wanting to do a little bit of this.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I like you a lot, Abby, I can’t help it.”

“I like you a lot too.” She gives him a soft smile. “We can keep kissing.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm.” She nods and brings her hand to the back of his neck to pull him back to her. This time she nibbles on his bottom lip and his hands go to her hips, squeezing and kneading. “Mm, but I don’t wanna go any further than this…not yet anyways. I hope that’s alright.”

“Of course it is.”

“I just…sort of wanna see where this is going before something so serious happens between us.”

“I get it.” He smiles. “I know you’ll be worth the wait.”

//

Harry: hope the first day of the semester has been treating you well!

Abby couldn’t help but smile at her phone. She knew Harry was extremely busy at work, so the fact that he took a moment to text her meant so much. The only thing was he texted her during a staff meeting, and her colleague Maya noticed her goofy smile.

“Abby, how was your break?” Maya asks her after the meeting.

“It was good! Um, I sort of started seeing someone.”

“Shut up! That’s amazing, who is it, how’d you meet?”

“His name is Harry…he’s, um, my dentist.”

“Oh, my, a doctor?”

“Yeah.” Abby nods. “We actually met years ago when he was still a student, and he just so happened to take over for my other dentist who apparently retired. It’s been a little over a month. He’s super nice, and funny…and he’s really fucking handsome.” She says the last part quietly.

“Good for you. Do you have a picture of him?”

“There’s one on the practice’s website. I haven’t, like, taken a selfie with yet. Although, I wish I had when he took me ice skating.” She pulls up MidCity’s website on her phone and shows Maya.

“Holy shit! He is handsome.”

“It’s going really well too. He’s met Marvin, and he invited me to his birthday party this weekend.”

“Wow, so you’re gonna get to meet his friends already?”

“I guess so.” She smiles. “The only thing is…do I get him a gift? And if so, what do I get him? I feel like it should be casual because everything’s so new still, but if it’s too casual he might think I’m not as into him as I am.”

“Shit, yeah, that’s a tough one.” Maya steps further into Abby’s office. The girls were close, so they were used to talking about personal things. “Have you slept with him yet? You could wear something for him to unwrap.”

“No, we haven’t.” Abby sighs. “I’m trying to take things slow with him because I really like him. We’ve made out a couple of times…”

“So…is that a no?”

“I don’t know, birthday sex as a gift? I feel like that’s so…cliché or something? Plus, I feel like he’ll be expecting it. I want it to feel more special than that.” She bites her bottom lip in thought.

“Oh! Have you been out to eat with him much?”

“Yeah, a ton, why?”

“Did you notice him order any specific types of alcohol?”

“Yeah! On our first real date he had this really nice bottle of white wine ordered to our table. It was delicious, and he loved it. I remember what it was, I could just get a bottle of that and a card, right?”

“I think that’s a totally acceptable gift. It’s sentimental, so it shows you put some thought into it, but also casual enough to show you’re not a psycho.”

“Exactly.”

Abby: you’re so sweet! It’s been a little busy with meetings and stuff, but other than that no fires to put out. Thanks so much for thinking of me, I hope you’re having a good day too! 😘

//

Harry didn’t want Abby to walk into the pub by herself, so he said he’d pick her up on his way. She insisted he didn’t need to, but he insisted that he did. She had a black dress on with black tights and blue heels. She zips up her long coat and runs her fingers through her hair. Her phone buzzes with a text from Harry that he’s downstairs with the uber. She takes a deep breath, grabs her gift, and heads downstairs.

“Happy birthday.” She smiles and gives him a peck on the cheek.

“Thanks, beautiful.” He opens the door for her and goes around to the other side. “Is that for me?” He points to the bag she’s settled into her lap.

“Maybe.” She shrugs a shoulder.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” He places his hand on her thigh.

“I said maybe, so this could easily not be for you. I guess you’ll find out later.” She side eyes him and it makes him laugh.

“How was your first week back to campus?”

“Exhausting.” She sighs. “But I caught up on sleep this morning. Everyone was excited to see Marvin.” She chuckles. “And it was good to see my friends and students.”

“That’s good.” Harry smiles.

“What about you? How was your week?”

“Busy. I had four different surgeries, a ton of cavities, and a fuck ton of cleaning check ins. I think a lot of college kids were getting in their bi-annual visits before going back to school.”

“Ohhh, yup, I bet that’s what it was. Is there ever a time of year you’re super busy?”

“I would say summers I do a lot of wisdom teeth removals, so I get bogged down there. Everything’s pretty consistent, though.”

“So, who’s going to be at this party?”

“My friends Greg and Lenny, who are very excited to meet you.” Harry smiles and gives Abby’s thigh a squeeze. “Some people from work, you know Marie, and Dr. Morgan’s going to be there as well. Some other med school buddies will be there. I’m only thirty-two it’s not really a big deal.” He shrugs.

“I’m excited to meet your friends too.” She smiles. “And it’ll be good that I’ll know a couple of people so you won’t feel like you have to babysit me.”

“Aw, babe, I wouldn’t feel like that. I wouldn’t leave your side if that’s what you wanted, no worries.”

She nods and smiles nervously at him. He just called her ‘babe’ and it filled her tummy with butterflies. The driver pulls up in front of the pub, and Harry gets out first so he can open Abby’s door. She smiles at him as he puts his hand on the small of her back to lead her inside.

“There he is!” Greg exclaims. “Happy birthday, H!” The two hug.

“Thanks, mate, this is Abby. Abby, this is Greg.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” She says to him.

“Same to you, you’re even lovelier than Harry described.”

Abby giggles at that, and Harry leads her over to the coat room. It seems the whole pub had been rented out for his party. There was a small table for gifts, so she sets hers down.

“Wow, you look amazing.” Harry says, rubbing his hands up and down her arms.

“Thanks.” She smiles and leans in to peck his lips. “Wanna introduce me to some other people?”

“Yeah, come on.” He takes her hand and leads her back to everyone.

Abby gets introduced to Lenny, and some of Harry’s other doctor friends. She then gives Dr. Morgan a big hug, and she says hello to Marie and her wife. Harry gets Abby a glass of wine, and much to her surprise, he keeps his arm hooked around her waist for most of the evening. He clearly wanted her close by. His friends were kind, not at all arrogant, which was a tad unexpected since there were a lot of people with deep pockets in the room. Maybe doctors weren’t as snotty because they also had large student loan debts. They engaged her in conversation, asking about her work, and why the heck she wanted to spend her time with Harry, which made a lot of people laugh. Harry lit up when he was explaining how he and Abby actually met ears ago, and he talked about the card she had sent along to him, making her blush a bit. Everyone found the story to be quite endearing.

“Are you having a good time?” Harry asks Abby as they go up to the bar together.

“I am, your friends are great. Are you? It’s your birthday.”

“I’m having a wonderful time, even more so since you’re here.” He kisses her cheek and hands her a new glass of wine.

A tray of cupcakes is brought out, and everyone sings happy birthday to Harry. He blows out a few candles and thanks everyone for coming. The cupcakes were delicious, clearly from a nice bakery. Harry notices Abby getting a little bit of frosting on the corner of her mouth, and before she can grab a napkin, he’s catching it with his thumb and sucking it into his mouth. Her eyes widen as he winks at her.

“Th-thank you.” She says, clearing her throat.

“Don’t mention it.” He pecks her lips. “I was wondering something…”

“What is it?”

“Would you like to come home with me tonight? I thought it would be nice to spend some time alone after being so social.”

“Oh, um, yeah, I’d like that.” She nods.

“Will Marvin be alright without you?”

“Yeah, my, um, neighbor’s kid is actually watching him tonight. She’s a great pet sitter. I…I told her I may not be coming home tonight, so she’s fully prepared for a sleepover.”

Harry’s smile grows, and he kisses her again. After making the rounds to say goodbye to everyone, getting their coats, gathering all of the gifts, the two get into an uber to head to Harry’s condo. There’s a doorman that says hello to Harry and gives Abby a warm smile. She follows him through the lobby to the elevators. They step inside, and Harry hits a number on one of the higher floors. He leads her to his door, and he gets it open. She follows him into his living area, and they set his gifts down. He takes her coat for her, and hangs it up in his front closet.

“This is…a really nice place.” She says as she looks around.

“I’ll give you the full tour in a moment, I’ve been dying to open your gift all night.”

“Oh.” She blushes. “It’s really nothing special.”

He gives her an unconvinced look, and grabs the bag he remembers her bringing. They both sit down on the coach, and she watches him reach inside.

“A card, classic.” He smirks and sets it aside. He reaches back inside and pulls out the bottle of wine. “This is one of my favorites! How did you know?”

“I remember you ordering it when we went to that Italian place.” She smiles and he hugs her.

“Mind if I open it, or have you had enough for the night?”

“I’d love some.”

“Great! Just hang tight.”

Harry goes into the kitchen with the bottle. While she’s waiting patiently on the couch, Abby hears music come on. She sees a Bluetooth speaker light up, he must have turned it on from his phone. He comes out with two glasses of wine, and hands her one as he sits back down.

“Thank you.” She says as she takes a sip.

“No, thank you. This was really nice of you. You’ve got a great memory.” He takes a sip and sets the glass down on a coaster on his coffee table. She does the same. “My friends adored you, by the way. I’ve already got the texts to prove it.”

“I’m glad I made such a good first impression.” She inches closer to him.

He reaches to tuck some hair behind her ear, and he leans in to kiss her. She wraps her arms around his neck, and opens her mouth for him. One of his hands falls to her thigh as the other one cups her cheek. Her fingers work their way into his hair, and he squeezes her hip.

“Abby.” He breathes, and moves to kiss on her neck, just under her earlobe.

She lets her heels fall off as she pushes him back farther on the couch. She moves to straddle one of his thighs, and she brings her lips back to his. His hands move up and down her back until they reach just above her bum. She grabs his hands and moves them down to her ass. He groans into her as he squeezes, loving how plump she is. She kisses along his jaw and to his neck, and she rolls her hips down onto his thigh. He raises it to help press into her. She whimpers into his neck, and he cups her cheeks so she’ll at him.

“Do you wanna take this to the bedroom?” He asks softly.

“I don’t wanna go to sleep yet.”

“I didn’t think you did.” He smirks.

“No, I just…I mean, if we go in there…that’s all I’ll want to do.”

“Sleep?” She nods her head yes. “Oh.”

“Harry, I’m sorry.” She sighs. “I know it’s your birthday, and you were probably hoping for some…stuff to go down between us, but I think we should wait a little longer. Is that okay?”

“Abby, I wasn’t expecting us to do anything. I mean, if we had of course it would have been nice, but it’s okay.” He assures her. “I’m just happy you wanted to come back with me.”

She leans back in to kiss him, and they continue to grope each other as they kiss. Their tongues swirl around each other, and she continues to rock back and forth on his thigh. She lets him puts his hands on her breasts, and he kneads them through her dress. He moves her to lay down on the couch and he settles himself between her legs as he hovers over her. He kisses on the tops of her breasts that were now spilling out of her dress. He sucks and bites on the plushier areas, eliciting a moan from her.

“H-Harry, maybe we should cool it before you turn me into a leopard.”

He chuckles against her and pecks her lips before he sits up.

“Would you spend the night?”

“I’d love to.”

He helps her up off the couch and leads her to the bedroom. He flips the switch for the lights, and her eyes widen. His bedroom was neat, almost a little too neat. She raises a suspicious eyebrow at him.

“I…um, have a housekeeper.” He clears his throat. “Let me just grab a few things for you. I’m assuming you’ll want something to sleep in?”

“Please.” She chuckles, watching him move to his dresser for a tee shirt and pajama bottoms.

She follows him into his en suite as he opens the closet inside to look for a spare washcloth and toothbrush. He sets everything down on his double vanity and smiles at her.

“Use whatever you need, beautiful.” He kisses her cheek and steps out to give her some privacy.

Abby strips herself of her clothes, and then washes her face. She brushes her teeth, runs her fingers through her hair, and then puts on the clothes Harry set aside for her. They were so soft and smelled just like him. She sighs happily and makes her way back into his bedroom. He smiles at her and stands up from the bed.

“Get comfortable, I’m just gonna do my thing.” He tells her and she nods. “There’s a spare phone charger on that side of the bed if you need it.” He points to the right side and she smiles.

When he’s done in the bathroom he comes out in a pair of plaid bottoms, but he’s gotten rid of his shirt altogether. He was littered with tattoos which really surprised her. She thought he only had the one little cross on his hand.

“When did you get all of those?” She asks as he gets into bed with her.

“All of what? Oh! My tattoos? Years and years ago, when I was a stupid teenager.” He chuckles. “Haven’t added to the collection in a while.” He looks down at himself. “Do you, uh, not like tattoos?”

“No! I think they’re really cool.” She furrows her brows as she scans his chest. “They’re so interesting.”

“Thanks.” He smirks.

“Did they hurt?”

“Some more than others. You sort of get used to it after a while. I’m assuming you don’t have any?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “Just a few piercings.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.” She tucks some hair behind her ear. “Got my cartilage, and three holes in each lobe.”

“Noticed those, I love the earrings you wear.”

“And…” She pulls the blankets back a bit and pulls the shirt she’s wearing up slightly to reveal her belly button. “Got this done when I was twenty-two. I always wanted one and said fuck it.”

“It’s cute.” He smiles as he admire the jewel attached to her naval. “Now that had to have hurt.” He says as she puts her shirt back down.

“It honestly wasn’t as bad as I thought. It was just a little pinch, the guy took really good care of me. I was a little light headed after, and it was sore for a few days, but other than that it was fine.”

They stay up talking for a bit until they eventually fall asleep. Abby had moves to rest her head on Harry’s chest, and that’s how she fell asleep, to the smooth rhythm of his heartbeat. Harry couldn’t remember the last time someone spent the night in his bed and it didn’t involve sex, there was something sort of sweet about not doing anything and still be able to fall asleep together comfortably. Maybe there was something to this taking it slow thing.

The next morning, Abby woke up being spooned by Harry. His breath was fanning over the back of her neck, and he had a leg between hers. His arm was strung across her lower stomach lazily. She grabs her phone and sees that it’s about 8:30. She yawns and wiggles a bit to adjust herself. She feels his lips press a kiss into the back of her neck and his arm tightens around her stomach.

“You awake, darling?” He coos and it nearly makes her melt.

“Mhm.” It’s all she can manage to say.

“Good morning then.” He kisses the back of her neck again.

“Good morning.” She rolls over to her other side to look at him and he gives her a sleep smile. He leans into peck her nose, and he rubs at her side.

“Sleep alright?”

“Yeah, did you?”

“Mhm.” He nods. “I’m gonna wash up and then make us some breakfast, how does that sound?”

“Sounds amazing, Harry.”

He gets up and makes his way to the bathroom. When he comes out he’s thrown a shirt on, and Abby gets up to freshen up herself. She washes her face and brushes her teeth, putting her bra on under the shirt he had given her so she wasn’t putting on a show for him. She comes out to his kitchen and smells fresh coffee. She wanted to roll her eyes as she saw him using a French press.

“Hope you like hazelnut, it’s the only flavor I’ve got.”

“It’s perfect. Got any creamer?”

“Mhm, in the fridge.” He points to it and she opens it up, grabbing the creamer on the top shelf. It was pretty much full.

“I don’t use it myself, mostly keep it for guests.” He pours the coffee into two mugs.

“Ah, and do you have guests often?”

“None that I’d want to have a sleepover with, if that’s what you’re asking.” He kisses her cheek, and she pours the creamer into her coffee. “Now, what can I make you? What do you like for breakfast?”

“Oh, nothing fancy.” She shrugs. “Whatever you feel like making is fine.”

“Eggs and toast?”

“Works for me. Can I help?”

“You can help by just having a seat.”

Abby smiles and sits down on one of the stools at Harry’s kitchen island while he works to get the eggs out of the fridge. He ends up making scrambled eggs for the two of them to keep things quick. It was a pleasant breakfast. Abby thought it was cute that Harry genuinely read from the morning newspaper. She was resting her chin on her palm watching him.

“Anything interesting going on?” She asks him.

“Nah, it’s all negative.” He sighs as he flips a page.

“Could I have the funnies?”

“Sure!” Harry finds the chunk with the comics and slides it over to her.

“Thanks, I used to look forward to this every Sunday when my dad would pick up The Globe.”

“What was your favorite?”

“There was this one called Opus. There were all these different characters, and the story was pretty linear, which I thought was cool. I actually saved the last comic strip in a scrap book. The main characters, Opus the penguin, had gone missing or something and he was trying to find himself. It really tugged at my heartstrings.”

“Sometimes I forget not all of the funnies are just for kids.”

“I’m also partial to Family Circus, and I loved Zits.”

Harry smiles and goes back to reading the paper. He liked going over the sports and arts sections most. Abby helps him clean up the dishes and then she goes to get dressed.

“Do you want some sweat pants to wear so you don’t have to put all of that back on?”

“No, I’m okay. I’m just gonna put the dress on.”

“Won’t you be cold without the stockings?”

“I’ll be alright, but thanks.”

“Let me at list drive you home.”

“Okay.” She nods.

The ride was comfortably quiet as Harry kept his hand in Abby’s. He pulls over to the side to stop in front of her building, and they look at each other. Smiles grow on both of their faces.

“You already know what I’m going to ask.” He says to her.

“I know, but I wanna hear you say it.”

“Alright, when can I see you next?”

“Hmm…what about Tuesday night? We could go to a movie. Tickets are cheaper on Tuesdays so we can splurge on snacks.”

“I like the way you think. I’d love to go to a movie. You pick, and just tell me what time I need to meet you.”

“Sounds good.” She leans in to peck his lips. “Talk to you soon.” She gets out of the car and heads up to her apartment. Chrissy, the teenager watching Marvin, was sitting on her couch watching TV. “Hey, Chrissy. I already paid you on Venmo.”

“I saw! Thanks so much.” She stands up.

“Thanks for watching him all night.” Abby scoops up Marvin and cuddles him to her chest. “I hope he wasn’t too much trouble.”

“Not at all, he was great. He was my little study buddy.”

“Perfect. Well, enjoy your Sunday. Tell your parents thanks too.”

“I will, have a good day.” Chrissy heads out and Abby sets Marvin back down.

“Alright, Mumma’s gonna take a shower and then she’ll take you for a nice, long walk, sound good?” Marvin yips excitedly at her. “S’what I thought.”

//

Harry was fucked. He was running late and couldn’t get to a phone because he was in the middle of a surgery. Of course the one time there’s a few delays and complications he actually has somewhere to be. He was supposed to meet Abby at 6:45PM, it was already 6:30, there was no way in hell he was going to make it. He did his best to stay focused so he could do right by his patient. By the time he was done it was 7:45PM. He tried to call Abby, but her phone went right to voicemail.”

“Shit.” He says to himself.

“Dr. Styles.” Marie says. “You should change, you’re still scrubbed up and you have blood on you. Go home and shower, she’ll understand.”

“I just wish she’d turn her phone on…”

“Maybe she went to the movie alone.” Marie shrugs. “She could be one of those good people who actually turns their phone off.”

“Right, yeah. I’m gonna freshen up here, and then I’m gonna try to catch her outside the theater.”

Harry does just that, using the hospital locker room to have a quick shower. He rushes to the movie theater and waits outside. The movie they were supposed to see should be wrapping up any moment, so he goes into the lobby to watch for her. Hopefully she was actually there.

Abby throws out her trash and walks towards the main lobby. She was just turning her phone back on when she saw Harry standing there with a very apologetic look on his face. She sighs and walks over to him.

“I’m so sorry.” He starts. “I tried calling as soon as I could, but your phone went right to voicemail.”

“I turned it off when the previews started.” She chews on her bottom lip. “What happened?”

“My last surgery of the day got delayed, and then there were some complications…everything’s fine now, but it wasn’t an easy extraction. I had to really take my time, I’m so sorry. I swear this won’t happen a lot.” He looks down at his shoes and then back to her. “Was it a good movie at least?”

“It was alright.” She sighs. “Would have been better if I had someone to make comments to.” She nudges his shoulder.

“How can I make it up to you? Are you hungry? We could-“

“I already ate, it’s okay. I know you didn’t do anything on purpose. It’s getting late, so I’m just going to head home.”

“I feel terrible.”

“Don’t.” She smiles. “Shit happens.”

“Let me at least take you home, I drove here.”

“Sure.” She takes his hand in hers as they walk out of the theater. “Are you hungry?”

“Starved, actually, but I can just eat when I get home.”

“Don’t be silly, I have leftovers. You can come up and eat if you want.”

“I’d like that.”

Once they’re up in her apartment, Harry plays with Marvin while Abby heats up her leftover stir fry and rice. She hands Harry the warm bowl and they both sit down at the small table she has in her kitchen.

“Is it hot enough?” She asks him.

“It’s perfect, thank you.” He eats a little and then looks at her. “I really do feel terrible that you waited and had to sit alone…”

“It’s really okay. It’s not my first time going to the movies by myself.” She shrugs. “I’m pretty independent.”

“I just don’t want you thinking this is something that’s going to happen a lot. It’s so rare for a surgery like this to not be timely.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” She gives him a reassuring smile. “It’s really sweet you still showed up at the theater like you did. We’re together now, that’s all that really matters.”

Harry finishes eating and cleans up his bowl. He stands with his hands in his pockets by the door and she stands with her arms crossed. Neither were sure what to do. It was really too late to hang out any longer since they both needed to work the next day.

“Are you free Friday night?” He asks her. “We could go to dinner if you like.”

“Sure, that sounds nice. Wanna say seven?”

“Works for me. I’ll pick you up then.” He caresses her cheek and kisses her. They both linger for a moment before letting go. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” She sighs after he leaves. It sucked being at the movies alone, but it meant the world to her that he still showed up at the end. It really showed his character, and for that she was grateful. She was still trying to gauge what kind of guy Harry was, and she had finally come to the conclusion that he was a good one.

//

“Two months and still nothing?” Greg asks Harry one Sunday evening as he and Lenny came over to watch the hockey game.

“Yeah.” Harry sighs as he sips on his beer. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love kissing her and, and she’s let me touch her over her clothes, but…I don’t know, she’s not as desperate and grabby as I am. What if she’s just not as into me?”

“I don’t think she’d be seeing you still if she wasn’t into you.” Lenny says. “How old is she again?”

“Twenty-six, why?”

“Well, maybe she’s hoping for things to be a little more official before she goes all the way with you.”

“Define official.” Harry mutters.

“Maybe she wants to know if you’re her boyfriend.” Lenny states.

“God, do you really think she’s hung up on some stupid label? We’re dating, we’re together, I think that’s pretty clear.”

“Remember when I dated that younger girl? She was, like, twenty-three?” Greg says and the guys both nod. “Well, she wanted to know what the status was after a few months. Obviously it didn’t work out because of the age difference, but these things matter to the younger women. They wanna know what to refer to you. Boyfriend is a lot easier to say than having to say the guy I’m seeing.”

“So, you have to ask yourself, do you want to be Abby’s boyfriend?” Lenny asks him. “If you don’t see things working out long term with her you should break it off.”

“I definitely don’t want to break it off. I really like her, and I like spending time with her.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I’m going to her place on Thursday for dinner, maybe we can talk about it then.”

“Yeah? She cooking for you again?” Greg asks.

“Mhm.” Harry smiles. “She really likes cooking for me, I don’t know why. I don’t mind it, she always makes something delicious.”

“Do you ever cook for her?” Lenny asks.

“Sure.” Harry shrugs. “We take turns.”

“That’s good, those things should definitely go both ways.” Greg says. “I bet you she just wants to make sure you’re not going to up and leave the second she lets you hit it.”

“I don’t know why she’d even think I’d do something like that…”

“Maybe she’s been burned in the past.” Lenny shrugs. “Have you had the ex talk?”

“No.” Harry shakes his head. “It doesn’t seem like something we’ve needed to talk about…but maybe we do.”

//

Thursday night Harry goes over to Abby’s with a bottle of wine and a box of chocolate chip cookies. He liked bringing dessert the times she made dinner for him.

“Hey.” She smiles and kisses him once he’s inside. She must’ve had a long day at work because she was still in her work clothes. Most times when Harry came over she had already changed into comfier clothes. “How was your day?”

“It was good, how about yours?” He hands her the wine and cookies and follows her into the kitchen.

“Long.” She sighs. “I had some heavier appointments today.” She blinks a few times. “I…I cried with a student today.” She looks at him, tearing up.

“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry, come here.” He opens his arms for her and she’s comforted by his embrace. He rests his chin on the top of her head. “Are you allowed to tell me what happened?”

“Yeah.” She sniffles and looks up at him. “This male student…he had a rough go of it in high school. A teacher…molested him, and it was this whole thing. He’s from a small town in Vermont so everyone knew. He came here to get away from it, you know? Make a fresh start? He’s started to see this girl that he really likes, and he’s petrified of her finding out, and he’s not sure if he should just tell her or if he should keep it to himself. But he’s afraid she might find out anyways somehow. I felt terrible. I mean, what kind of sick fuck uses their position of power over a kid like that, you know?”

“That’s…awful, beyond awful.” Harry frowns down at Abby.

“I just couldn’t keep it together, especially when he started crying, so I cried too. Then we both started laughing, and he was able to calm down and we talked about things more.” She steps back from Harry and wipes under eyes.

“I guess the upside is that you created such a welcoming environment that he felt safe enough to be so vulnerable with you.”

“Yeah.” She nods. “I suppose that’s a silver lining, thanks.” She smiles. “Anyways, we’re going to meet bi-weekly now just for little check ins.” She sighs and moves to stir the pot of pasta that’s on the stove. “I’m making pasta and meat sauce, hope that’s alright.”

“It’s great, Abby. Can I do anything?”

“No, everything’s just about done. Um, would you actually mind taking Marv out quickly for me? He just ate and I haven’t had a chance to take him out to do his business.”

“You got it.”

It wasn’t Harry’s first time taking Marvin out, so he really didn’t mind. He leashes him up and takes him down to the street. Marvin does his business, and Harry gets him back upstairs. By the time he comes back, Abby’s plated up dinner, and gotten the wine open and poured.

“Thank you.” She says to him, and leans down to pat Marvin’s head. “Ready to eat?”

“Mhm, thank you for cooking.”

“Oh, it was nothing.” She smiles. “I like when we get to have dinner together.”

“Me too, babe.” He takes a bite of food and moans. “This is amazing, Ab.”

“Thanks.” She blushes and takes a sip of her wine. “Harry, um, there’s something I…well…I’m just gonna come right out and say it.” She takes a deep breath as he looks at her. “Am I…am I your girlfriend?”

Harry’s concerned face softens into a smile.

“I’d like you to be.” He says to her. “I was actually going to bring this up tonight, guess you beat me to it.”

“Oh.” She says, a little surprised. “Well, good, okay.” She nods and takes a bite of food.

“I like you a lot, and I know it’s been a couple of months. I’m still having a great time with you.”

“Same here!” She assures him. “I just, you know, I don’t know what to tell my friends sometimes when they ask about you.”

“Well, now you can tell them about your boyfriend, yeah?” He smirks. “When do I get to meet these friends, hm? You’ve met all of mine.”

“That’s true.” She chews her bottom lip. “Well, I could arrange for a night out at a bar some weekend. We all love going out to dance and stuff…”

“Sounds like fun.”

“You’d be into something like that?”

“Sure, why not?”

“You just don’t exactly seem like the type of person who would enjoy going to a stuffy club with a ton of drunk people.”

“Hey, I know how to hang. Set it up and I’ll be there.”

“Great, I’ll text them.” She smiles, her body was buzzing with excitement. Harry stands up abruptly and comes over to her side of the table, cupping her jaw. He slots his lips over hers, sucking on her bottom lip and then letting her go before he sits back down. “Wh-what was that for?”

“Just wanted to give my girlfriend a kiss.” He shrugs, a smirk forming on his lips.

“Oh.” Her face had to be beat red at this point. They look at each other and smile. This time it’s Abby who decides to be bold. She gets up and sits on his lap side saddle. She grabs her phone and opens up SnapChat because it was better for taking selfies.

“What are you doing?”

“We hardly have any pictures together. Now that you’re my boyfriend that’s going to change. Smile.” She says to him, and he does as she says, taking a very cute picture.

“Send that to me?”

Abby presses her lips to his. Getting through dinner was going to take a little longer tonight.  

//

Harry could, in fact, not hang. It was midnight and he was fighting to stay awake. He wished Abby had planned their big night out with her friends for a Saturday not Friday. It was a long week, and Harry just wanted to go to bed. He thought her friends were interesting. There was Billy, Abby’s absolute best friend. Billy happens to be trans, which Harry didn’t care about at all because Billy’s life was none of his business. Then there was Amy and Gina, Abby’s roommates from undergrad. They were all getting along fine, but the club was loud, packed, and sticky. Abby was having a good time, though, so what could he do?

“Another drink, Harry? Next round’s on me.” Billy says to him.

“Oh, no thank you. Think I’m gonna cool it.”

“Cool it?” Amy scoffs. “The night just started. Ab, hold old did you say he was again?”

“Don’t tease him.” Abby hooks an arm around Harry’s waist. “He’s thirty-two, a doctor, and he had a long week.” She looks up at him. “You’ve last two hours, go home if you want.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll call you tomorrow.” She puckers her lips and he kisses her.

“It was really nice meeting all of you. We’ll have to do it again sometime…maybe on a night I didn’t have two different surgeries.” He kisses Abby again. “Text me when you get home so I know you got back safe?”

“Will do, bye, babe!” Harry heads out, and Abby looks back at her friends. “He’s cute, right?”

“Very.” Gina says. “He seemed like he was having fun at the beginning.”

“He’s just tired.” Abby sighs. “We should have waited until tomorrow. He really is a lot of fun.”

“I’m sure he is.” Billy says with a smile. “So, you really haven’t slept with him yet?”

“No.” Abby shakes her head.

“What’s the hold up?” Amy asks.

“I just haven’t felt ready.” Abby shrugs. “He’s a really good kisser, though, so I know I’m close to getting there with him.”

“You haven’t even sucked his dick?” Gina asks.

“No, but I’ve felt it. We grind on each other a lot. But I always have us stop before it gets to be too much.”

“I’ve literally never known you to not want to fuck a guy you’ve been seeing.” Billy says.

“I know…I just…it all just feels like a dream come true still, and I’m afraid that once we do it something will go wrong and we’ll stop seeing each other. I have no idea why I feel like that, but I do.” Abby says.

“He’d be an idiot to let you go.” Amy says. “Do it when you’re ready, but I think I speak for the three of us when I say we approve of him.”

“Thanks, that means a lot.” The four share a group hug and go back out to the dancefloor to enjoy the rest of their night.

//

It was a rainy Saturday at the beginning of April. Harry told Abby to bring Marvin over to his place so they could get cozy for a lazy day of watching movies and being cozy. She happily accepted. The two of them really needed a day to relax. Abby was booked solid at work right now, and Harry was starting to get booked out with more and more wisdom teeth appointments. Harry liked when Abby would bring Marvin over. He had gotten a little dog bed for him and some toys. Harry even got him a little food and water bowl.

Abby was really falling for Harry. He made her feel safe, and he was beyond considerate. She also couldn’t believe how patient he was being. They were together three months, just entering the fourth, and they still hadn’t had sex yet. She knew he wanted it, of course, and she really wanted it too.

They were curled up on the couch together while Marvin was snoozing on his little dig bed. Neither had ever watched The Mindy Project before so they were binging it. Abby couldn’t believe what she was about to do, but she couldn’t help from blurting it out.

“Harry?” She looks up at him.

“Yeah?” He looks down at her.

“I…I love you.” His eyes widen as he looks at her, his mouth falling open. “Oh my god, it’s too soon, right? I…I…I…” Before she can ramble on anymore, he’s kissing her, hard.

“Christ, Abby.” He presses his forehead to hers. “I love you too.” He kisses her again.

“Really?”

“Of course I do. You couldn’t tell? I’ve got your picture framed on my night table, and I’ve got all this stuff here for Marvin, and I keep your favorite snacks in the pantry…”

She moves to straddle him, pushing his shoulders back into the couch. She slots her mouth over his, and he holds her close to him. She sucks on his bottom lip, making him groan.

“Harry, bring me to your bedroom, now.”

“Y-you wanna go to sleep?” He looks at her confused.

“No, I want you to fuck me.” She looks at him with dark eyes.

“Really?”

“Yes!”

He doesn’t question her again. Instead, he lifts her up and quickly carries her down the hall to his bedroom. He gets her on the bed, hovers over her, and starts by getting her shirt off. His eyes widen when he sees the lace bra she was wearing. He furrows his brows as he gets her leggings off. He glares at her when he sees that her panties match her bra.

“What is it?” She asks innocently.

“There’s this old saying that goes along the lines of if the girl’s wearing matching underwear, then she’s the one who decided to have sex.” Abby blinks at him. “Were you planning for this tonight?”

“I was hoping.” She sits up on her elbows. “I…I’ve been fucked over before, and I really wanted to make sure I knew how we felt about each other before we did this. I’m sorry that I made us wait so long.”

“Don’t be sorry, baby.” He caresses her cheek. “I’ll admit I was a little frustrated in the beginning, but…I’m sort of glad we waited. It’ll be more special now.”

“Exactly!” She beams at him. “Can…can we get back to it now?”

He chuckles and takes his shirt off and pants off. He hovers over her and kisses on her neck and chest. He reaches behind her to unhook her bra, and tugs it away. His lips wrap around one of her nipples, and he licks around it. He sucks on her, and it makes her moan. He licks over to her other breast, and sucks on her other nipple. She pushes his head closer to her chest and tugs at his hair. He kisses and nips his way down her soft tummy. She lifts her hips as he tugs her panties off. He opens her legs and sucks a bruise into her thigh. She gasps at that and groans. He licks a flat stripe up her slit and to her clit. He does this a few times, just to get a good taste of her.

He looks up at her as his tongue flicks back and forth on her clit. He presses a hand on her pelvis and pushes up so he can see her better. He sucks on her clit and she moans out. His fingers work around her folds, feeling her wetness, and then he slides his middle finger in. He gets his ring finger in as well, and starts to pump in and out of her. He moans into her as his hips rut against the bed. She grabs at his hair as his fingers start to rub against her front wall. Abby starts panting and breathing heavier.

“Fuck, Harry, please don’t stop!”

He groans into her as his answer, and keeps doing everything exactly the same to help get her there. Her hips move along with his face, and her body starts to feel warm all over. She cries out as she comes to her release. He retracts his fingers, and he sucks on her wet center before sitting up. She catches her breath and smiles at him. He smiles at her and gets his boxers off. She whimpers when she looks at his hard dick. She crawls towards him and wraps her hand around him. She kisses his tip and wraps her lips around him.

“God, I’ve been dreaming about this.” He groans as his head rolls back while she starts to bob up and down on him. She goes down enough to choke on him, and then she pulls off. “Do you want me to use a condom?”

“No, I’m on the pill. I wanna feel you.”

He nods and gets back onto the bed with her. She opens her legs back up for him, and he rubs the head of his cock along her folds and clit. Her hips press up towards him in anticipation. He slowly presses into her, and her mouth falls open.

“Jesus, you’re so fucking tight.” He grunts as he bottoms out.

“Move.” She tells him. “Move, Harry.” She whines, and he starts to rock in and out of her. She clutches at his biceps and digs her nails in. “Oh my god.” She moans.

“Feels good?”

“Feels amazing.” She bites her bottom lip. “Go harder.”

“Yeah, want me to fuck you hard?”

“Fuck, yeah, really give it to me.”

He gives her a wicked grin, and then pulls out of her. He flips her onto her stomach and slides back in. He grips the back of her neck, and his other hand rests at the base of her spine. He takes a deep breath, pulls out almost all the way, and then snaps his hips back into her. She gasps, and he does it again. He smacks her ass, and continues to fuck into her hard. The hand at the base of her spine slides around to her clit and he rubs it. It doesn’t take her long to lose it again. He pulls out and sits up against his headboard. Abby sinks down on him as he grips her hips. They move in sync together as she rides him. She licks into his mouth and they both moan. His hands grab all over her body, unsure of where he liked squeezing the most. He fondles her breasts for a bit before deciding to stick with her ass.

“You’re so fucking beautiful like this, Abby.” He says as he kisses on her neck. “I want you to come for me again.” He snakes a hand between them so he can rub her clit again.

“Fuck, yes, oh my god, Harry!” She grinds faster on him. “I want you to come inside me.”

“Shit, fuck.” He moans out and they come at the same time. “Fuck, Abby.” He breathes and kisses her, sucking on her bottom lip. Her fingers tangle back into his hair.

“Was it, um, worth the wait?”

“Oh my god, of course it was. I wanna fuck you over and over.” He smirks at her and she giggles.

“I think that can be arranged.” She pecks his lips. “Would you ever want to, um, tie me to the bed?”

“Oh, baby, if I didn’t love you before.”

#sweet tooth #harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles x oc #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #dentist!harry #dentistrry #harry styles oc #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic

[sidespromptblog]

The Accident

Warning: Medical scene, mention of broken bones, blacking out (once mentioned), cast, and Logan angst.

Summary: While out on a date with Remus and Janus, Logan falls and hurts his wrist.

Word Count: 1,631

“Are you sure that it’s alright?” Janus asked suspiciously, as his cold fingers gingerly touched the tinder flesh of Logan’s wrist. His eyes were narrowed as if he was already on high alert to see if Logan was going to dare even lying about something like this.

“It looks a little swollen,” Remus helpfully added, circling around them like a wild hyena protecting his little pack, his eyes barely stood still long enough to even get a glimpse of Logan’s wrist.

But when he did, without a moment’s worth of hesitation…

He cringed every time.

That should have told Logan everything he needed to know about the situation. Remus wasn’t making jokes, and was well past being worried. Janus was using his literal body as a shield so that no one could even dare to get close, and there wasn’t the slightest bit of sarcasm coming from him. Logan should have been more worried about the state of his wrist, in his writing hand no less. But all he could feel was the sharp throbbing of where Janus’ grip was, and the occasional fleeting touch from where Remus would look over his shoulder and down at his injury.

Stupid.

He had been so stupid.

Of course there would still be patches of ice, even with the weather being over the standard freezing of thirty-two. The wind chill matched with it being later time of day should have made it obvious, he had been too careless. Too…

Stupid.

“Logan?��� Remus’ worried voice struck up again, as he took up the position on his other shoulder. “You’re not going to black out again are you?”

Ah yes, that one moment of pitch darkness the moment his head had connected with the frozen sidewalk. He doubted that any of them wanted to recall that, especially given the way that Janus had screamed and he had come to being cradled in Remus’ arms like a limp noodle.

Swallowing thickly Logan attempted a smile. “It hurts,” He honestly said, because what was the point in lying with a human lie detector right in front of him. “But, I’m sure that once we return back to Thomas’ mind, the injury will go away. Just like they’ve done before in the imagination… right?”

An uncertain whine curled in Remus’ throat, like he was a dog that had been left chained outside on a rainy day.

That alone told Logan that even he wasn’t exactly sure just how much the imagination could and couldn’t cure.

“No.” Janus firmly shook his head, “If we don’t know then there’s no use in going back and just causing you more pain. We’ll…” Here Janus grimaced just a little bit, the scales in his face shifting into something more socially acceptable. “We’ll have to take you to the hospital for an X-ray…”

Two groans accompanied this declaration.

It was almost three hours later that Logan was able to see the doctor in question.

But by far the most annoying and anxiety inducing tribulation was the fact that he had to be separated from the other two sides when he needed to have the X-ray done. Which he had known going in, of course he had known it. But knowing it and actually having to do it we’re two entire different things. When it had come to him leaving the mind space, he had never been alone. Usually he’d had Thomas, or some of the other sides to accompany him on his days out and to be without them for some terrifying and quite painful procedure, was… scary.

He was scared, and also quite a bit embarrassed about the whole ordeal.

Sitting back in the doctor’s office with both Janus and Remus on either side of him waiting for whatever news was to come, made him feel both worse and better at the same time.

“I’m sorry.” He finally mumbled, a bolt of shame ramming itself into his guts.

A part of him wasn’t even sure what to be sorry for, but another part deep and loathing knew exactly what he was apologizing for.

Janus who had been staring ahead at the posters decorating the walls immediately snapped his attention back to Logan, his brows furrowing for a moment before an unreadable expression took over his face. It was an expression that both Remus and Logan knew all too well. “Sorry?” Janus asked, his voice carefully clipped. “For what might I ask.” Having just started he shifted his entire body to face Logan. “For having an accident? For slipping? For falling? For doing something that wasn’t your fault to begin with?”

Behind him Remus cringed back, they both knew what was coming.

“I ruined our day.” Logan tried to argue, trying being the key word there.

Just for Janus to immediately shake his head, his cold fingers seeking out Logan’s cheeks and cupping them carefully enough to avoid the scrapes on his face. The look on his face was adoring and yet exasperated at the same time, as his eyes watered but no tears seemed to fall in Logan’s presence.

“You,” Janus choked out, “Didn’t ruin anything. We can always have another day, hopefully with you being hurt a little less. It’s okay Logan… I promise. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Behind him Remus dug his fingers into the fabric of Logan’s thick winter coat as he buries his face into the logical side’s neck. His bristly whiskers tickled as he merely held Logan in place, bestowing all the love he could possibly give to him.

A laugh then shook Remus’ middle, “Hopefully Thomas has insurance.” His muffled voice finally got out.

And just like that the other two sides were tearfully giggling, knowing that thanks to Virgil’s worrywart tendencies Thomas had the best possible medical insurance he could get. And whether Logan knew it or no, which he did, he was technically going to be committing insurance fraud simply by the fact that he looked so much like Thomas.

Almost another several hours later though, with a dark blue cast now seated on his hand and wrist with the instructions to come back in a months time it was time to go home.

“So,” Remus popped the word out of his mouth, as he took up the duty of spoon feeding Logan some ice cream before they actually had to go back. “What are you going to tell the others, you know… about the cast and everything?” There was a quick glance shared between him and Janus. “The truth?”

It took genuine effort to not snort in Remus’ face after swallowing his mouthful of ice cream, and by a lot of effort it obviously meant that he coughed right into the crook of his arm in an attempt to hide it.

“No.” Logan answered back almost immediately, “Are you kidding me?! Virgil would never let me leave the house again if I came back looking like this. Roman would more than a little bit blame you. Patton would go along with it, in an effort to keep me ‘out of harm’s way’, and Thomas would just be concerned.” He gestured with his newly casted arm, they all knew that if it was discovered that Logan had left to go on a date with Janus and Remus, and had come back with a broken wrist they would be dramatic as possible when it came to any future dates with the dark sides.

He wouldn’t allow that.

Janus hummed as he nodded his head, his lips twisting just a little at the unpleasant thoughts that came with the scenario that Logan had just explained. “So what are you going to do?”

Surely Logan couldn’t just hide in his room until a month passed, and then get the cast off.

“I’ll just stay in my room until it’s time to get the cast off,” Logan shrugged, “I’ll put a sticky note on the door saying that I’m working on a big project and I don’t want to be disturbed. They usually listen to my sticky notes, a lot better than me since there’s no actual listening involved.”

“Are they threatening, these sticky notes?” Remus teased.

Instead of replying to his teasing with a retort Logan merely rolled his eyes, grabbing the front of Remus’ shirt to pull him in for a short sighted kiss.

“You know,” Remus mumbled in between kisses, “You can just stay with us right? The couch is always open for you, and so is any of our bedrooms.”

Logan pecked one last kiss on the corner of the creative side’s mouth, a warmth stirring in his chest at the offer of another place to stay if he wished to.

But…

It would be easier to recover in his own bedroom without Janus’ or Remus’ room effecting him in anyway, and recovering from a broken wrist on the couch didn’t exactly sound like fun to him.

“I know Rem,” The warmth he felt blossomed onto his face as a loving smile. “And rest assured you and Janus will see me in this month. But my room is probably easier for me.”

Satisfied with his answer, Janus nodded as he threw away the plastic spoons and cups that they had been eating from. Finally ready to head on back to the mind space, as both he and Remus held tight to Logan’s hands on the way back. It’d be a while before they could go on another date again, and maybe a little bit longer before it was anywhere in the wintertime again. But that was okay, because he could wait.

So with him lovingly holding onto the blue cast that kept Logan’s broken hand safe from the world, Janus felt at peace for the first time since the accident.

Everything would be okay.

#ts logan sanders #ts logan #logan sanders #logan angst #ts janus sanders #ts janus #janus sanders #ts remus sanders #ts remus #remus sanders #intruloceit #sanders sides #ts sanders sides #ts sides #sanders sides fanfiction #ts sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fanfic #wrist injury #injury #injuries

[yourmidnightlover]

pain reliever

TW: descriptive talk abt period cramps ig?, talk abt cysts, mutual pining lol

Summary: in which spencer and Y/N love each other but refuse to tell each other. Y/N's having major period pain, the effect of a cyst, and spencer comes over to comfort her.

WC: 3,744

A/N - this one’s a bit of a rollercoaster. it has three different POV’s so just bear with me please!

masterlist

--------------------

don't get me wrong, working at the BAU is amazing and definitely has it's perks, but it also has several downsides too. one of those pesky little downsides includes the amount of time off we have.

meaning we don't have much downtime.

this was one of the rare occasions when we were able to have two weeks off, the result of a very strenuous case.

this time was so exciting, spencer and i planned to go out to a movie he'd been dying to see. nobody else wanted to go with him and were being absolute jerks about it, so i automatically stepped up to go with him.

i went to bed the night before we were supposed to go out after showering. i was actually excited to be able to spend some time with him.

i couldn't help but begin to have feelings for him soon after i joined the team. i mean, who would be able to resist those amazing curls, the sweet smile, kind spirit, not to even mention how smart he is.

he didn't know that, of course. and i planned for him to never know. i was able to keep it a secret for 5 and a half years, and i didn't plan on stopping that streak anytime soon. i didn't want to ruin the friendship i had with him by confessing my undying love for him only to confirm my fears of it being unrequited.

i woke up groaning, the effect of an intense pain on my neck, back, and uterus. I almost immediately knew what that meant, sadly.  

i ran to the bathroom, only to find my suspicions confirmed. my period has always been irregular but about a year ago, i started getting terrible cramps when it wasn't anywhere close to the time for my period.

i went to the doctor to find out a cyst had grown on my left ovary so i started taking birth control per my doctor's request. the only thing about the birth control i was on was that it made me sick when i was on the green pill, so i had to stop taking it.

not taking it meant my period was always a surprise. but hey... at least i wasn't pregnant i guess.

when i took the birth control, it also lessened the cramps. not taking it also brought them back. sometimes not even the extra strength mydol was able to subside the terrible cramps that would ripple throughout my body.

those cramps meant that i needed to cancel my plans with spencer. i could only hope he wouldn't take it as me not wanting to spend time with him.

although, i certainly didn't want him to see me like this.

i decided i would take a shower in attempt to wash the dirty feeling off of my body. I could just call him after i got out and tell him i have a bug or something.

i took my time washing myself, letting the hot water soothe my aching muscles. cysts normally only affect the uterus area and cause discomfort at most times, but it always becomes severely worse during that time of the month.

luckily, my doctors helped create an appointment for a procedure to remove the cyst. the only catch being that the appointment is still 6 months away.

i finished showering and wrapped a towel around my body before popping two mydol's in my mouth and swallowing. i grabbed my cell and quickly dialed spencer's name.

"Y/N! hi. what's up?" he asked sweetly. i could hear the excitement in his voice.

"hey, spence," i started, already feeling terrible for the sad news. "i won't be able to go out today. i really, really wish i could. i came down with something and don't think i'm well enough to go out. i'm so sorry," i murmured, already regretted having to cancel.

"oh... that's okay. are you alright? do you need me to take you to the doctor?" he asked all worried. i giggled softly.

"no, that's alright, spence. thank you though. i think i'm probably just gonna get some house work done in the meantime," i declared with a sigh.

"you're planning on cleaning when you're sick? another reason to never doubt the strength of a woman, i suppose," he quipped, another laugh erupting from my chest, this one being louder.

"that, spencer reid, is why you're my best friend," i said with a smile.

"that and the fact that you actually listen to my incessant babbling and rambles," he remarked.

"i actually happen to enjoy those rambles, doctor. don't sell yourself short," I demanded in a sweet tone.

"thank you, Y/N. you should get some rest. don't overexert yourself," he said sweetly. "in all the years i've known you you've only been sick a number of times, so i would imagine you really don't feel too well," he declared. "goodbye."

"goodbye, spencer. s-sorry again," I stammered out.

I hung up the phone before actually getting dressed in some proper underwear. I threw on some loose shorts and skipped putting a bra on, my boobs were really sore, opting for just throwing a tank top on.

i started with doing the dishes from last night. the medicine was kind of kicking in, not fully taking the stabbing pain away but lessening it enough to where it would be manageable.

once the dishes were done i started doing the laundry, taking breaks in-between loads. during the breaks i made sure to drink a lot of water to stay hydrated.

part of me was debating going to the store to pick up some dark chocolate, ice cream, kale chips, and some chinese, but i decided against it.

i'm sure if i went out i would immediately regret it and have the pain 10x worse, just because that's my luck. so, suffering alone it was.

once i finished all of the laundry, i sat down on the couch. i had been going for about three hours, and definitely felt the toll it was taking on my body.

i turned on FRIENDS and grabbed a heating pad from a bin in my living room. i placed the pad on my upper back and groaned at the heat.

before i knew it, i was dead asleep.

SPENCER'S POV

i didn't buy it.

she never gets sick, and when she does it's like she's dying. she doesn't laugh when she's sick, and her voice wasn't as nasally.

don't get me wrong, something was obviously wrong with her, but she wasn't sick sick. maybe another sick.

what else would cause her to cancel plans with me? she's never done that before.

although, there was one time where she mentioned her needing to go to the doctor for a consult about a cyst. maybe it was the cyst?

wait... her uterus. the cyst was on her uterus.

we were on a case a couple months back, and this unsub was hard to track down. when we managed to figure out where he was, she ended up having to chase him down. she had to run a mile for at least 7 minutes before actually getting him. he was only 25 and was an exercise fanatic.

after catching the guy and bringing him in she had a hard time hiding her discomfort. even at the station, abut an hour later, she was still grabbing her lower stomach in pain. when i asked her what was wrong she told me about the cyst and where it was.

although, the cyst never really affected her energy level since then. she was able to go out on cases and perform perfectly fine.

the only thing that it could've been would be her- ohhh!!

oh...

i should get her something. food. she loves food.

she's probably in a lot of pain right now because of that. she shouldn't have to handle that pain 24/7. she was so sweet, and caring, and generous, and loving, and undeserving of any sort of discomfort.

to be honest, i've had the largest crush on her since after she joined the BAU. who wouldn't?

she's such an amazing person. just being around her lightens my mood. not to mention her beauty. don't get me wrong, i absolutely love her mind and everything about her personality, but the beauty she beholds is beyond anything i've ever encountered. then again, maybe the feelings i have for her boost that beauty in my eyes.

it was that beauty that kept me quiet. why would someone with beauty as ethereal as hers even look at a guy like me? it's like she's not meant for this world. she's too good for this world.

i'm in too deep now to share my feelings. i would do anything to keep her light in my life, even if that meant keeping all my love for her bottled up.

my heart ached at the thought of her in pain that i can't help her subside. the least i could do is be there for her.

i quickly grabbed my keys- yes, that's right. i'm driving for her. what kind of man am i?- and headed out of my apartment.

i went to the grocery store and picked up some of her favorites, dark chocolate, mint chip ice cream, kale chips, and... chinese. she loves chinese, so surely that's what she's craving. if she doesn't want it i would gladly get her whatever it is she does want.

i would give her the entire world if i could.

after picking the items up, i made my way to her place and pulled her key out of my pocket after she didn't answer my knock the first couple times. We had both decided to give each other a copy of our keys for safety purposes, result of me becoming the designated driver after a girl's night out gone wrong.

long story short, all the girls left with someone, leaving Y/N stranded at a heavily populated bar. if the girls weren't drunk when they left then i know i would've scolded them for leaving her in such danger. hell, they were FBI agents and left a friend who wasn't in her right mind alone in the middle of the night.

the only reason i was able to pick her up was because she drunkingly called me, slurring her words together. that's a story for another time.

i held the bags in one hand and the chinese food under my arm while i unlocked the door and quitely walked in. i saw her laying down on the couch, looking so peaceful.

SECOND PERSON

spencer looked at you as you slept. he noticed the heating pad laying on your back as your face was partially smushed from the couch. he'd never seen anything so adorable.

he pushed a strand of hair out of your face as he gently tapped your shoulders to wake you. you squinted at him in confusion for a second before you finally spoke.

"spencer? wh-what're you doing here?" you questioned him in disbelief.

you had no idea why he was here. you had told him you couldn't go out, right?

"me being the amazing profiler i am figured out what was actually wrong," he gloated. "i brought your favorite snacks and came with chinese food. if you want something else i could always go back out and-"

"did you drive?" you squeaked.

"why wouldn't i? you're in pain right now, that's the least i could do to somehow help you," he gushed.

you felt tears pricking your eyes at his confession. how could someone be so selfless and kind as to put themselves though something they hate doing for you?

"hey-hey, what is it?" he worriedly questioned.

"i-it's just... th-that's so sweet, and nice, and you hate driving, and you're such an amazing person, and i don't deserve you," you sniffled out, the tears flowing past my eyes as you sat up on the couch to give him a place to sit.

He grabbed the heating pad that fell off your back and set it on the coffee table before wiping your tears. His arms wrapped around your shoulders as you lightly cried into his shirt for a few minutes before pulling back.

"sorry about your shirt," you whined.

"don't worry about it. and i truly think it's me who doesn't deserve you, Y/N," he said softly. "now, let's dig into the food. i'm actually hungry right now, i had to smell it the entire way here and it's been taunting me ever since," he said seriously, eliciting another laugh out of you. "oh! there she is! i love hearing your laugh," he smiled.

"oh, you're just saying that," you waved him off as he feigned offense with a loud gasp.

"are you accusing me of lying, Y/N? i'm terribly offended," he shot his hand over his heart in an attempt to mock pain as he groaned.

"i would never, spencie," you taunted with a smirk before getting an actual cramp.

your face contorted slightly in pain as you bent over in an attempt to ease the discomfort. it felt like someone was stabbing your entire lower stomach and punching you all at once. the pain and sudden movement made your head begin to throb intensely, so you didn't know where to put your hands. your stomach or head? you chose stomach.

spencer felt horrible as he watched you go through such pain.

"what hurts, Y/N/N? let me help you," spencer pleaded.

"head. really bad," you groaned.

he got behind you as his hands found your temples and began massaging them gently, being able to subside the pain pulsing in your head. while your stomach still hurt, the pain became bearable again, allowing you to sit up and face spencer. he saw that your eyes were full of tears once again and his arms flew around you.

he hated that you had to go through that... every month too? your pain tolerance has always been high, something spencer learned after you got shot in the thigh and didn't even shed a tear, so he knew the fact that tears were in your eyes had meant the pain had to be terrible.

"food?" he said softly, you nodded eagerly, still being wary of the headache.

he went into your kitchen and put away the ice cream, chocolate, and kale chips before getting the chinese. he grabbed you a water bottle from your fridge before exiting the kitchen and sitting beside you on the couch.

"why didn't you tell me they were this bad?" spencer wondered.

"i didn't want you to worry, or see me like this," you shrugged.

it was true, you hated anyone seeing you hurt or weak. you prided yourself on being tough and strong enough to withstand most things. the fact that a measly monthly period was breaking you hurt your ego more than you'd like to admit.

for spencer, he didn't care. the only thing he wanted to do was make sure you were okay and be there for you when you weren't. he was determined to help you through this time. it made him feel... important. he enjoyed caring for others as it gave him a sense of purpose.

"Y/N, i don't care what state you're in. i always enjoy seeing you. and i'm always here to help you. asking for help makes you stronger than you'd think," he soothed you.

one thing you loved about him was that he always had a way with words. he was able to make you feel safe in the most dangerous situations, calm in the most chaotic, comfortable in the most destitute, and all with words.

you ate your food rather quickly after realizing you hadn't eaten all day. you were unashamed of eating that much, too. you'd become so comfortable with him over the years that you didn't feel embarrassed over something as routine as eating as you normally would with others.

after spencer finished eating he insisted on cleaning up rather than you do it yourself.

and to think, you thought you couldn't fall deeper in love with the man and here you were, falling deeper the longer he stayed.

little did you know that spencer was already madly in love with you.

he came back and sat beside you gently, looking at you with the utmost adoration that you couldn't see since you were back to being doubled over in pain.

"let's get you laid down, hmm?" spencer suggested as he gently rubbed your back.

"mhmm," you agreed, sitting up far too quickly. your back shot out in pain as you tried to straighten out, bringing a groan to your lips and causing you to twist your torso in an attempt to avoid any more hurt. "i guess i can just stay here," you said, resuming the doubled-over position.

spencer wanted to cry himself seeing you so defeated. you were the most strong-willed person he knew and here you were, giving up on something. he wouldn't let that happen.

"you'll be more comfortable in the bed. i'll carry you since you can't get up, okay?" spencer suggested.

you hummed in defeat as he swiftly scooped you up, leaving your body folded up as you swung your arms around his neck. he laid you down on the bed gently as you groaned at your back stretching out.

"turn over on your stomach," spencer ordered.

"wh-what? why?" you wondered.

"you'll see when you do it, ms. stubborn-pants," he teased.

you groaned and flopped onto your stomach, reaching to cuddle the pillow your head was resting on. spencer secretly wished he was that pillow.

his hands fell onto your back, applying light pressure right between your shoulder blades.

"ohh, this is what you were gonna do," you hummed in content as his hands continued to work their magic. he gathered your hair and pulled it to the side as he worked his way up to your neck. "ugh that feels amazing, spence," you groaned.

spencer huffed a laugh at your enthusiasm, him being happy that he can subside some of your pain. if doing something as simple as giving you a massage made you happy, he was happy.

spencer worked his hands back down to your shoulders and worked out nearly every single knot on your back. you felt your breathing slow from the relaxation and didn't even realize how good of a distraction your hands on her body were. if only you could massage my boobs, you thought with a laugh.

"umm... what?" spencer questioned.

"hmm?" you questioned, suddenly realizing that you had said that out loud. "i didn't say anything," you said, your voice raising an octave as you spoke.

spencer knew what he had heard, but decided to drop it to make you more comfortable.

"right, sorry," he said with a smile. maybe you did have feelings for him.

he continued the massage and noticed you were asleep after about ten more minutes. He sighed as he watched your hair move with each breath you took. he relished in the fact that he helped you achieve something, that he was useful for something.

"god, i love you so much," he whispered. "i love you so much, i don't even think i could tell you how much i truly love you."

you were awake. you heard him. you heard every word. you were in that weird between stage when you weren't really asleep, but you weren't necessarily awake either.

"i love you too, spencer," you spoke.

spencer shot up at your words, realization hitting him as you stirred in what he assumed was your sleep. you rolled over onto your back and looked into his eyes.

"i love you so, so much, spence," you smiled, noticing the shocked look on his face.

"y-you do?" he babbled.

"of course i do. how could i not?" you quipped, noticing his utter nervousness.

"i-i can't believe it. you love me?"

"how many times do i have to say it? i love you, spencer reid. i love you," you said as the shocked expression on his face turned into one of pure happiness and joy.

"i love you, Y/N Y/L/N. i've loved you for so long..." he trailed off, bringing your body into his arms.

"and fyi, i mean the romantic way if you didn't catch that," you joked.

"good because that's exactly how i meant it," he said, pulling back to look at you once again. "ca-can i kiss you?" he asked as his hands were balanced on the back of your neck.

you nodded eagerly before his lips crashed into yours passionately as you placed your hands on his face. the feeling of his sharp jawline with his scruffy facial hair something you've been wanting to feel against your skin for far too long.

spencer tugged gently at your hair, bringing a soft moan to your lips, allowing his tongue to enter your mouth gingerly. he was immediately granted dominance as you allowed his tongue to travel into your mouth, investigating it thoroughly.

you were both in a state of euphoria as you delved into each other's presence in a new manner. both of you knew this discovery would change your relationship, but you had both gone through every scenario in your minds in the many years' past.

you finally pulled back at another sharp pain in your uterus.

"ouchhh," you grimaced.

"are you okay? what can i do?" he wondered eagerly.

"just cuddle with me?" you asked with pleading eyes.

"of course i can," he smiled.

he moved up to the headboard and laid his head on one of your pillows after getting underneath the covers. after he opened his arms, you rested your head on his chest and threw one arm over his torso, interlacing your legs underneath the sheets. he brought one arm around your waist as the other drew you closer across your shoulders. You nestled your head into his neck and inhaled his comforting scent.

"you smell good," you giggled.

"thank you," he laughed at your compliment.

"spencer?" you asked.

"yea, Y/N?"

"you're my pain reliever."

#spencer x reader #spencer x you #spencer reid #criminal minds #fluff #spencer reid fluff #fluffy spencer #comfort

[mymedlife]

Guys, the pandemic has broken me. Every time we seem to be making any progress I feel like we get set back again.

Sorry for the long rant ahead, but I feel like I need to get it out of my head.

Back in the beginning, last March or so, when the state I'm living in shut down, I felt like I could do it. Daycare shut down for almost 3 months to prevent spread.

My husband's job changed his hours to 10a to 8p since everyone was working remotely so they could all be working on the same time zone.

My cofellows were generous enough to switch shifts so I could work all nights and weekends and watch my kiddo during the day. Which kind of sucked, because she doesn't play independently for very long, o was tired, hubby wanted it quiet, and everything was closed so there wasn't anywhere to go to break up the monotony.

Work was filled with frequent changes around what protective equipment we have and what is required to be worn where. I got fitted for 3 different N95s because we kept running out, despite having to check them out and have them sterilized between uses.

I had frequent discussions about how COVID is real with families who refused testing. Parents lied about their symptoms to be allowed into the hospital with their kids, including one who collapsed mid visit due to respiratory failure. Several people ended up having to quarantine because they weren't wearing their N95s during the resuscitation as it was unexpected (at the time we were only wearing N95s during aerosolizing procedures including bagging). This lead to a new rule on not stopping in to help until you have the proper equipment on (which makes sense, but but is so hard).

Early on I spent some time volunteering for the COVID hotline for my state. Most of the questions I got were people upset that things were closing. There were very few health calls.

My aunt died. My sister, a psychologist, argued with her boss she should get a raise for being a frontline worker. My other sister, who is immunocompromised, was mad that all her friends continued to party guilt free and we kept telling her to stay home. My husband began to enjoy his new schedule to the point that he would stay up until 3am playing games after work (the kid was asleep and I was working) and sleep until he had to work at 10 am. My friends talked about their new lock down hobbies, including my co fellow who spent her time creating a new lecture series for the residents. I felt like I was trending water, I started getting behind on fellowship things and I was so tired. My kiddo was happy that I was spending more time with her, and it all was temporary, right?

Eventually things started opening up again. Daycare returned. Two days later my husband was fired. Thankfully he found a job within a few months, but during that time was quick to anger and his staying up all night playing games and sleeping most of the day got worse. He dismissed anything I had to say about it and frequently promised to sleep earlier, later saying he had to stay up because the kid had a nightmare that I slept through.

During this time, many of my pediatrician friends were called to see adults due to high patient volumes and doctor shortages. Luckily I only had to see kids, but there was still a lot of mystery surrounding symptoms and the discovery of the multi system inflammatory syndrome.

My kiddo got sent home a few times from daycare for vague symptoms that necessitated a COVID test, and at one point she was at home with me for 2 weeks due to a COVID positive exposure in class. My husband's job was new so he couldn't take off time to help. At some point things shifted so I was now doing all the daycare pickup and drop-off as well as all the bedtimes (unless I was physically at work).

Following Breonna Taylor and George Floyd there were large scale protests around the downtown area, where my hospital is located. I wholeheartedly support the movement, but someone told my kid it was dangerous to go downtown, and she became fearful of me going to work. This combined with the break in at our home lead to sleep refusal. Something I had to help he with, leading to bedtime taking hours, because my husband would yell at her. Most nights I was too tired after getting her to bed to do much, which lead to more work piling up.

Job hunting was not as fun as I had hoped it would had been. I had one in person interview, everything else was virtual. Thinking about working at a place I've never seen was terrifying.

Many places simply ghosted me. Lots weren't hiring. A few went on a hiring freeze after my interview.

Every interview asked what hobby I developed during lockdown. I admittedly could have answered this question better, and explained that I survived the lockdown with a toddler and that was an accomplishment.

My home institution decided to go with my co fellow over me. When I asked my mentor why she said they felt she had more to contribute to medical education than I do. I'm convinced that in part this has to do with all the lectures she wrote during lockdown.

I was able to get a job, but it's at a smaller community ED where we have a few beds in an adult ED. I mentioned to my associated program director I was a little disappointed, and suddenly everyone is telling me to be thankful for what I have.

I can be thankful and disappointed at the same time.

I think the biggest thing is a fear that if I hate this job I wont ever be able to find another one.

I also kind of resent my kid and husband, if I had more support or time to focus on fellowship things may have been different.

But life goes on. The vaccine was created, things opened up, and now those who aren't vaccinated can stop masking.

The my body my choice people who previously refused to mask are pleased, and now there are barely any masks when I go out (despite a not great vaccination rate in my area).

My kid is 3 and cant get the vaccine, so we still wear them. She loves to whine about how the others don't wear their masks. "It's not fair."

No, it really isn't.

Masks are still required in the hospital, which parents complain about daily. Recently every time I recommend a COVID test it has been refused. The pandemic is over. Kids can't get COVID. And other nonsense.

Kids as young as 12 can get vaccinated. However there is real concern about post vaccine myocarditis. Now everyone who comes in with chest pain wants to complain, even if they are unvaccinated.

Things have been stressful, and my kid is picking up on that. She still has trouble sleeping and has started having tantrums. We recently had a meeting with daycare and they want us to have seen by psych to get her evaluated.

I've found that I've lost interest in most of my hobbies, not that I have a lot of time for them. Fellowship finished and I have the next two weeks off before starting my new job. I was planning on spending it sleeping, cleaning the house, getting out the baby stuff as we are expecting a new little one in a couple of months, and rediscovering my hobbies.

Today I had an awful migraine. I cant take the meds I usually take because of the pregnancy, and my OB wont prescribe anything because he is worried about masking signs of preeclampsia. My husband refused to get up to watch the kid because he was tired, so I pushed through until he was ready to get up.

I lay down to try to get a nap and I get a call that there has been a case of COVID at daycare, and they will be closing for 2 weeks. They will open up the day I start my new job.

And this my friends is what has broken me.

I was so looking forward to finally have time for self care, and now I get to play stay at home mom again with my kid who is in isolation.

After that call I got up and left the house. I'm sitting in my car at the park writing this, and while I know I will go back home eventually, I'm tempted to drive off and let my husband deal with this for a change.