#Jack & Marie aren’t babies long enough for that to help | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sortasirius · 4 years

Text

“Gimme Shelter” and The Bomb

Living in the middle of clown town is always an adventure but they’re recently opened a five star restaurant that’s free to all residents so we’re eatin good lmao.

Wow. Uh. Wow. Lots and lots and lots to unpack here.

This is.........long lmao

I mean. Should we just talk about some of the *cough cough* married details we’ve got going on? That picture of Cas from “Tombstone”? Who took that? Who else COULD have taken that? Why is it a printed photo that Cas just happens to have? Why did it look like it was cut in half?

Okay, I also want to talk about the energy between Dean and Cas, and not the energy of two intensely married people. We haven’t seen them together that much since 15x09 right? I mean we’ve had bits here and there, but to me something still feels off. I just can’t help but go back to the unresolved ending of their time in Purgatory (”I have to say something.” “You don’t have to say it, I heard your prayer.”). It just feels like there’s awkwardness hanging in the air, like when Dean and Sam leave right when Cas gets back, or the way that Dean hangs up on him. It feels like we’re supposed to be sus, which I most definitely am. Things aren’t 100% fixed, even though they’d like us to believe that they are.

Baby man Jack? “Marvelous Marvin the talking teddy, I have one!”

Also just,

“Can we wear matching ties?!”

“Yeah, blue’s a good color on you.”

I CRY.

I think it’s FASCINATING that Rowena is spending her time in Hell making things “boring” for demons, changing things. “People will end up where they belong.” There is NO WAY that’s throwaway.

“Hello! Where can I find the Kool Aid.”

Literal king.

There are a lot of ~parallels~ in this episode, a whole lot of callbacks, and not in the jokey oh hey remember that episode. There are all very deliberate and coded carefully into the dialogue so that even people who watch casually and pay attention will pick up on them.

“We...dated. Years ago, sort of. More like we watched a lot of old movies together.”

Ok.

Which, nbd, same exact fucking episode as

Come on guys. Just like. Come on. Davy. My man.

Good to point out too that Davy Perez also wrote “Tombstone.”

I just want to take a second and appreciate that we at got this Amara this season. No weird drama between her and Dean, just a literal badass who knows she’s a badass. Dabb and co are going to save every poorly written character before this is over.

Cas’ fucking speech y’all.

“I do know what blind faith is. I used to just follow orders without question, and I did some pretty terrible things. I would never look beyond the plan. And then of course when it all came crashing down, I found myself lost. I didn’t know what my purpose was anymore. And then one day something changed, something amazing. I...I guess I found a family. And I became a father. And in that, I rediscovered my faith. And I rediscovered who I am.”

First of all, we deserved to see this from Cas. We deserve to hear him talk about how much he’s grown, how much he’s changed from the “soldier” in season 4.

Cas found who he was with Jack, with Sam, with Dean. He found out he was a Winchester. His love for others is so palpable this episode, the way he mother hens around Jack, the way he looks at Dean, I just completely adore him, and I loved being able to see him reflect on his own growth.

Okay, moving along to Amara and Dean’s convo...fuck man. F U C K.

Dean’s pain in this scene. His pain over Mary, over the lack of choice. It’s so palpable, and I don’t think anything could have prepared me for Amara’s answer to his “Why?”

“I wanted two things for you, Dean. I wanted you to see that your mother was just a person. That the myth that you’d held on to for so long of a better life, a life where she’d lived was just that. Myth. I wanted you to see that the real, complicated Mary was better than your childhood dream because she was real. That now is always better than then. That you could finally start to accept your life.”

“Hm. And the second thing?”

“I thought having her back would release you. Put that fire out. Your anger. But I guess we both know I failed at that.”

His anger.

His anger through the whole season.

His inability to let go of the anger.

Dean’s anger, his inability to let go, we now know, of course, that his happiness didn’t come from Mary. He still had the fire, he still couldn’t let go of the anger, the rage. So what is it? Not even Amara knows what will bring him peace, she just knows that her solution failed.

And then, as if we needed more parallels to this season:

“I’m furious. To learn that all my life I’ve been nothing but a hamster in a wheel, stuck in a story.”

If that line sounded familiar to you. It’s because it is.

It’s not a common phrase, especially since Davy Perez FILLED this episode with callbacks. We’re in the endgame, nothing is unimportant.

For Dean to bring this line back up, right after Amara tells him that she thought that Mary would bring him peace, that she was wrong in that assumption. For that line to get brought back up when Dean talks about his anger in that scene with Cas, right in the middle of their breakup, where the whole catalyst of his prayer is about his anger, how he can’t let go of his anger. How he’s sorry he got so angry at Cas.

Bruh.

And then, as if all of this wasn’t enough. Jack drops the twist. That he has to die to kill Chuck and Amara.

It’s his own version of the empty deal. That isn’t a mistake. Both are going to come into play, Jack’s deal and Cas’. Mirrors of each other.

Putting his hand on Cas’ shoulder, telling him his death is not Cas’ choice, but his own. I think this, this scene is going to come back into play.

And then to end the episode with Cas telling Dean, telling him about Jack’s death.

“In case something goes wrong and I don’t make it back, there’s something you and Sam need to know.”

So...our fluff episodes are over.

There’s so much in this episode, but what I think bears repeating at the end is Dean’s anger, what will bring him peace, Jack’s impending death, and Cas’ deal. All of these are going to be our catalysts moving forward. Dean’s anger arc isn’t over, just as Cas’ deal hasn’t been resolved. Next week ~seems~ like it’ll be a fluff episode, but I am certain that it won’t be. There’s gotta be some big to do about what Cas is going to tell Dean.

Idk what to tell y’all other than the volume inside of this clown car is astronomical.

#supernatural #spoilers #spn 15x15 #spn #my meta #destiel

567 notes · View notes

milfcodeddean · 3 years

Text

Thee Babiesnatural Post

Wherein I propose how we could give Dean as many kids as narratively possible. Inspired by a slurry of other posts about things like baby!Jack and baby! Amara this isnt supposed to make narrative sense beyond suspension of disbelief and I refuse to take criticism please consider my URL for my stance on these things. Dabb didn’t do the reading but I did.

It’s long so it’s under the cut

So it starts with Bobby John the shapeshifter baby and like for whatever reason the alpha shifter doesn’t come or the kill him or whatever and the Campbells are just rubbing Dean the wrong way and the baby has already kind of imprinted on him so Dean realizes that he can’t like drop the kid off an orphanage but also he doesn’t trust most people who know about the supernatural to take care of him. He also thinks about his own childhood and the parts that sucked (moving constantly, j*hn) and the parts that didn’t (time spent at Bobby’s (and other peoples places like pastor Jim but he’s dead so)) and also how in s6 they’ve been kind of based out of Bobby’s half the time anyways at that point so they take the baby there and Bobby is delighted to have a namesake even if he’s initially doubtful. But he’s not gonna hurt deans kid and BJ is a baby. It’s awful to baby proof his house bc books and weapons and for a child that can’t touch silver but they manage a few rooms.

Also it creates a s6 Dean going back and forth between his hunting family including the baby and his civilian family of Lisa and Ben and it’s like a parallel to J*hn and Adam Milligan

Also Claire gets retrieved sooner bc Cas helps with the baby like a time or two and makes some comment about how his vessel had a child and they’re like oh yeah Claire and end up checking in on her situation sooner esp bc Dean is already feeling guilty about Ben so like they get Claire in her early teens

Emma happens. A few ways this could play out 1. Like canon with teenager but Sam doesn’t kill her. Claire gets a sister her age. 2. Because she doesn’t kill her dad the Amazon magic wears off and she’s back to being a baby? 3. She dies and gets found in purgatory

Bobby’s house burning is that much worse bc the baby was there too but Bobby and him both survived it. Dean feels bad turning into his father dragging kids around on the road.

Purgatory. Either finding baby Emma or not. Dean has a lot of bad thoughts about this is where at least 2 of his kids are going when they die. Befriending Benny adds to his inner doubts about morality and monster hunting.

Either Sam has the kids with him and that changes the Amelia thing or he leaves them with someone they know like Jody or Garth etc.

Surface side, Benny who has raised kids, is actually helpful with baby sitting and Claire thinks he’s the coolest bc he’s a real vampire and she doesn’t have any personal trauma related to him. Benny stays surface side and comes back with Sam bc he has actual reasons to live and a support system more and also bc he suggested to Dean that if/when Emma and Bobby-John die, that’s when Benny will get killed and then he’ll take care of them in purgatory .

The bunker is great bc it’s safe and they can put roots down bc the impala is getting a little full and Dean feels guilty about motel rooms. Henry Winchester meets his great grandkids and is delighted that some of them aren’t human bc he’s a MoL

Kevin gets moved in sooner.

Crypt scene- Dean tacks on something about ‘Claire and the kids need you’ in his whole speech. Claire gets very mad about him leaving with the tablet.

When the Krissy thing happens with all those teens and the guy working with vampires Dean tries and maybe successfully convinced her to move into the bunker and go to school in Kansas

Kevin doesn’t die bc gadreel has so many other people around and like I don’t actually know how the gadreel thing would play out like this but also we need Cas to be at the gas n sip

Maybe Cas is still doing his penance thing, maybe he thinks they need more income for that many kids. Maybe they still do the gadreel thing.

Anyways

I hate to fridge a woman but

Gas n sip lady dies and has no connections (why else would she ask her questionable employee to babysit)

Castiel could hand Tanya over to the authorities but also they still have a bunch of baby supplies and really what if angels come after her like they did her mother? Dean just takes one look at Tanya’s face and one look at Cas’s face and says fine and they have a new baby. (tanya post that loosely inspired this)

This is where plot gets tricky bc I haven’t fully seen past season 9 and a lot of that uhh

Well Abaddon is still a problem and Cas is human and now busy with the new baby so Dean makes the choice to work with Crowley and get the Mark of Cain bc he’s extremely worried about Abaddon coming after his brood.

The kids get sent to Jody’s or Garth’s or just out when the Demon Dean thing happens and like he wouldn’t have hurt them bc isn’t that his line in the sand or whatever my knowledge is vague. But the prisoner scene still happens bc it’s Fun and the Cas and Collette parallel is even heavier bc they’re literally coparents

This is where I can’t specify plot any further

Amara doesn’t magically age but like that other post says Dean feels guilty about her so he takes care of her

Baby Jack bc Jack sees Castiel’s knowledge of Dean with his kids including several nonhuman ones and Jack decided it’s safe enough to be born a baby

This can be widower arc too and Dean is trying not to be his father and won’t let the other kids help bc that’s what he was forced to do but also he’s too exhausted to do anything besides take care of the newborn so Sam and Benny etc are picking up the slack with the other kids which can still be a source of conflict or whatever

Uh Magda moves in with them bc Sam is like if you can bring home stray children I can bring home stray children

Mary has a wild time catching up to life with her babies middle aged and raising monster kids but she adapts

Lebanon is a fun episode bc J*hn is awful and points a gun at Emma bc she flashed her eyes at him and this time it’s Sam who saves her. Something something J*hn says something awful about what he should have done to Sam to stop Dean from thinking monster kids can be saved or smth

Anyways if you think of any more kids I can give Dean or ways late seasons that I haven’t seen would be effected please add on

#baby jack kline #baby emma winchester #bobby-john #shapeshifter baby #dean winchester #dad dean winchester #dadstiel #there's so much to tag for uhh #anyways this is my babiesnatural manifesto #emma purgatory au

134 notes · View notes

honey-dewey · 3 years

Text

Take me Home, Country Roads

A Writer Wednesday Story

Pairing: Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels/GN! Reader

Word Count: 2,313

Warnings: Mentions of Jack’s late wife, but this is entirely fluff

Permanent Taglist: @phoenixhalliwell @star-wars-hell

You and Jack had never had an easy relationship, but it all seems to be coming together now. Especially after you and him decided to have a kid via surrogate. The only issue? Your daughter is nine hours away. I guess this calls for a road trip.

The prompt for this week’s Writer Wednesday was given, as always, by the lovely @autumnleaves1991-blog.

“Baby,” Jack shook your shoulder, making you groan and roll over in bed. “Baby.”

“What?” You said slowly, sufficiently cranky after having been woken up before the sun rose. The clock over Jack’s shoulder read 2:37, and you really wanted to hit him. Why the hell were you awake?

Jack kissed you, and you had half a mind to bite him for waking you up so damn early. “Daniels,” you said against his lips. “You aren’t winning yourself any points with me right now.”

“Mhm,” Jack hummed. “C’mon. We have to go.”

“Go?” You sat up, rubbing your eyes. “Go where?”

One of Jack’s old shirts was tossed in your direction, and he smiled. “We’re picking Frankie up today.”

Immediately, you felt giddiness fill your stomach as you jumped up, suddenly very eager. You passed Jack, the both of you going about your morning routines in a very rushed way. Today was the day you and Jack were going to drive from your house in Texas all the way out to the middle of New Mexico to pick up your newborn daughter, Marie Francesca Daniels.

It was nearly three in the morning by the time you were ready to go. Jack yawned, filling a travel mug with coffee and handing you your own travel mug. “Do we have everything?”

You nodded. “Car seat is in the car already,” you said, checking the items off your fingers as you went. “Diaper bag was packed yesterday, I have that audiobook downloaded, you have the address in your phone, and I just packed snacks.”

Jack smiled, kissing your forehead. “Are you ready?”

“No,” you admitted. “But at the same time, yes. I can’t wait to have her here.”

“I can’t either,” Jack reassured. “C’mon, we have to hit the road.”

Despite the early hour, you didn’t sleep at all in the car, opting to instead listen to the audiobook you had picked and relax, watching night darkened landmarks pass you by. Exhilaration kept your eyes as open as they’d get until breakfast, and you paid half attention to the book while Jack drove beside you.

Nine and a half months ago, you and Jack had sat down to have a very serious discussion. Did you want kids or not? Jack had, obviously, said yes, but after the catastrophe that was his late wife, he was hesitant. You were in a similar boat. Kids would’ve been nice, especially considering your ranch house was built for a family, but the process of having kids was something you could never see yourself doing. So after much discussion and a few angry nights, you and Jack found a surrogate. She wasn’t that far away, and she was super sweet. The three of you had met once, to confirm the pregnancy, and all of you had cried. Since then, her health had been well and steady, and last week she’d given birth to your baby girl. She was named after two of Jack’s great grandmothers, one from his mom’s side and one from his dad’s.

The sun rose earlier than you expected, peering over the hills as Jack continued westward. The hospital in New Mexico was nearly nine hours away, meaning you wouldn’t even reach it until a bit past noon, and you wouldn’t be returning home until well after nine pm. But you didn’t mind, not for this.

Nearly four hours into the trip, at 7 in the morning, Jack found a relatively healthy place to stop for breakfast. He walked in and got two bagels while you sat in the car, texting the surrogate. She had just woken up, and was almost as excited as you and Jack were for today.

“Whatcha doing?” Jack asked, getting back into the car and handing you a paper bag with your bagels in it.

“Texting Jackie,” you said. “She says Frankie is doing a-ok, and is eager to come home with us.”

Jack smiled. “Still can’t believe you let me name her Francesca.” He handed you your bagel, and you grinned.

“We made a deal,” you said. “You could name her Francesa as long as it wasn’t her first name. No matter what, I knew we’d be calling her Frankie.”

“We can call her Marie when she’s in trouble,” Jack said, leaning in close and giving you a kiss. “Thank you.”

“For what?” You asked, laughing as Jack trailed his kisses down, tickling your skin with his facial hair.

Jack smiled, humming against your skin. “For letting us have a baby.”

“Oh Jack,” you murmured, abandoning your breakfast so you could turn your full attention to your cowboy husband. “I wasn’t ever going to stop you from raising a family. Ever.”

“I know,” Jack reassured. “What do you think about having another one? That house has room for three or four.”

That brought a huge smile to your face. “Jack,” you said seriously, humor tinting your voice. “Let’s focus on one for now. We can revisit this conversation in two years.”

Jack pouted, but accepted, leaning back so he could eat his bagel and get back on the road. You ate slower than Jack, absorbing the audiobook you’d started playing again and enjoying seeing all the passing land outside the car.

A few more hours into your trip, and you were bored out of your mind. The book was super good, and you kept trying to focus your attention on that, but nothing could kill the boredom that was building in your chest.

“What time is it?”

Jack sighed. “Ten minutes since the last time you asked,” he said, taking your hand and kissing your knuckles. “It’s about ten thirty.”

You groaned. “Fuck,” you said, dragging the word out. “I’m so damn bored.”

Jack chuckled. “My laptop is in the back if you want to screw around with that solitaire program.”

It was better than doing a whole load of nothing, so you grabbed Jack’s laptop and set it up on top of your thighs. “Am I even allowed to use this?”

“Why wouldn’t you be allowed to use it?” Jack asked.

“What if I uncover some big Statesman secrets,” you said, logging in regardless. “What if I destroy the world?”

Jack smiled. “You cannot destroy the world from my laptop,” he reassured. “Not that one, at least.”

“This one?” You looked up, surprised. “You mean to tell me you can destroy the world from a laptop you own?”

Now Jack was full on laughing. “Yeah!” He said. “My work laptop. It stays at work though.”

You made a face. “Well that’s boring,” you decided, clicking on a solitaire game. “When do you want to grab lunch?”

Jack shrugged. “According to the GPS, we’ll get there a little after noon, so what do you say to eleven thirty? That way we have time to eat and stuff, plus the car won’t smell.”

It seemed reasonable to you, so you nodded. “Sounds good,” you said, sliding down in your seat and beginning a forty five minute long solitaire tournament with yourself.

“Babe,” Jack said softly after you finished the tenth game, nudging you. “Take a look at this.”

You shut the laptop off and looked up, immediately feeling yourself gasp. Outside the car was a sight you wished you could experience forever. The road stretched on as far as you could see, empty except for you and Jack. The sky was a beautiful picturesque blue with only the barest clouds, none of which dared block the sun. The earth was a gorgeous orange dirt, striped in various shades. Ahead of you stood a few mesas, breaking up the flat expanse of land. It was perfection, and you couldn’t help but pull out your phone to snap a picture.

“It’s beautiful,” you breathed softly. “Absolutely beautiful.”

Jack smiled. “There’s a small town ten minutes from here,” he said. “We can stop to grab lunch, and then it’s only another half hour until we’re there.”

You looked at Jack, surprised. “Was I really playing solitaire for that long?”

“Yes you were.”

Lunch ended up being from a food truck, considering that was all you could find in the middle of nowhere, New Mexico. When you got out of the car, you immediately groaned, stretching your legs out and feeling your back pop.

Jack smiled, grabbing his hat. “Feeling okay over there?”

You shrugged. “I’ve been through worse,” you decided, looking around. “This place is so cool.”

“Reminds me of where I grew up,” Jack said, putting his arm around you. “Although my hometown had more grass and less sand.”

While you two ate at a small picnic table, you texted Jackie, telling her you were only half an hour away. She responded with enthusiasm, and you sent her the picture you took of the landscape.

The final leg of your trip was very quiet. The audiobook had finished, and neither of you wanted to break the delicate silence in the car. Well, silence was relative, considering Jack was humming John Denver while he drove, but you didn’t mind.

When you finally pulled into the hospital parking lot, you had trouble getting out of the car. Inside that building was your baby, your little girl. When you looked over at Jack, he looked just as nervous as you. “Ready cowboy?”

“Ready,” Jack confirmed, taking your hand. “Let’s do this.”

Finding the room wasn’t hard. A very sweet nurse led you to Jackie’s room, and you stared at the door for a solid minute before knocking.

“You’re here!” Jackie said, smiling as Jack opened the door. “She’s been an angel for me all morning.”

You nodded, unable to speak. Wrapped in a soft blanket in Jackie’s arms was your baby. You and Jack had both seen photos, but it seemed nothing would compare to the real thing. Jackie stood, still holding Frankie. “Do you want to hold her?”

Jack stepped forward, and Jackie put Frankie down in his arms. Jack smiled, cradling Frankie close to his body. “Hey baby,” he said softly. “It’s me, your daddy.”

Jackie stepped back, towards you. “He’s a natural,” she whispered to you.

You nodded. “Thank you so much,” you said. “I don’t ever think I’ll be able to thank you enough for what you’ve given us.”

Jackie smiled. “I’m just glad I was able to help you two.”

After nearly half an hour of sitting and waiting, you and Jack both holding Frankie, a doctor came around to release her. He checked your daughter over and deemed her okay to leave, and the four of you all walked out together. Jackie waved and smiled from her car as she drove away, rolling her window down to give you one final goodbye.

You got into the driver’s seat, looking back at Jack, who was settling Frankie into her car seat. “How goes it back there cowboy?”

“Got it!” Jack said triumphantly, smiling and kissing Frankie’s head. “Sleep tight baby girl.” He closed the backseat door and got into the passenger seat. “Still can’t believe she’s ours.”

You smiled, taking his hand. “We have a daughter.”

Jack nodded, his eyes watering. “A daughter,” he said softly.

By the time you were half an hour away from the hospital, it began to feel more real. Every so often, Jack would check the backseat, finding Frankie asleep every time. She slept soundly, and you almost recommended Jack do the same. He’d been up since really early, and you could tell he needed rest.

Two hours towards home, you realized that would’ve been disastrous.

Frankie started to cry, and almost immediately, Jack looked at you. “What’s going on?” He asked, eyes wide. “Is she okay?”

You nodded. “She’s probably hungry,” you said, carefully pulling over and putting the car in park. “Her bottle is in the diaper bag.”

Jack took a breath and nodded. “Okay,” he said. “I got this.”

He got out of the car and picked Frankie up, carrying her to the front seat with him. “That’s it,” he said softly, grabbing the bottle and beginning to feed her.

You smiled, grabbing your phone to take a picture and send it to every single one of Jack’s coworkers who you had contact with.

“What are you doing?” Jack asked, barely looking up at you.

“Giving Tequila sufficient blackmail,” you said with a smile. “And showing Ginger her new niece.”

Jack made a face, laughing when he looked back at Frankie and found her copying his scrunched up face. “Aren’t you just a little troublemaker?” He said. “I know my mama can’t wait to meet you, bumblebee. How’s that sound? Wanna get spoiled by your abuelita?”

You couldn’t help but smile at that. “Jack,” you said. “Put Frankie back in her car seat, I have to keep driving.”

“Can I hold her for a bit?” Jack asked, looking up at you with his pleading puppy eyes. “Please?”

Taking a deep breath, you sighed. “Fine,” you said. “But only for a little bit.”

Jack smiled, twisting a bit so he could get himself buckled back in. As he did so, you turned the radio on, dialing the volume down a bit.

You drove like that for a bit, with Jack cradling Frankie in the front seat. He hummed along to the radio, rocking Frankie as he hummed. Finally, the cursed song began to play, and Jack lit up.

“Almost heaven, West Virginia. Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River. Life is old there, older than the trees. Younger than the mountains, growin' like a breeze,” he sang along softly with John Denver, and you smiled, turning the radio up a bit. Jack continued to sing, putting a gentle lull over the car as you continued your drive home, your tiny family of three comfortable and together at last.

“Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong. West Virginia, mountain mama. Take me home, country roads.”

#Kingsman #kingsman the golden circle #agent whiskey #jack 'whiskey' daniels #agent whiskey x reader #agent whiskey x you #Pedro Pascal #My writing #writer wednesday

22 notes · View notes

lovelazarus · 3 years

Text

rating: Mature

archive warning: graphic depictions of violence

words: 2645

tags: Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Thoughts, Self-Harm (fairly graphic), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, graphic description of suicide attempt, Flashbacks, Trauma, Fluff, Fix-It of Sorts, Dean is alive, Castiel is alive, Hurt/Comfort, POV Dean Winchester, brief mention of John Winchester - Freeform, Canon-Typical Violence, Sad with a Happy Ending, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Past Abuse, Homophobic Language, 15x20 Fix-It

summary: (This fic starts out with a graphic dream/flashback of Dean's mid-20s.) Cas showed up to save Dean in 15x20 after he let himself get impaled on rebar, his attempt to stop living while thinking Cas was truly gone in the Empty. It's been a few months since that event in the Barn. Things have been calm since Chuck lost his power & Jack brought Castiel back to help rebuild heaven (although Jack isn't in this directly!). Even with things being okay, Dean's decades of trauma are still bubbling up and Dean has to face the reality of his actions (past & present).

PLEASE read all tags before reading!

The last thing Dean remembers is sitting down on the couch in the Deancave, waiting for Cas to come pick tonight's movie. He must’ve dozed off at some point because suddenly it's 2004 and he’s 25 years old again.

The two years Sammy was off at Stanford was one of Dean’s lowest points in life; including his trip to hell, being a demon & helping kick start the apocalypse. He was completely alone.

Sam was gone, John was irate and blamed Dean for Sam leaving, for not stopping him from leaving. Dean was hunting alone, without his family, for the first time in his life. His last hunt however was the first to deeply scar him irrevocably.

A father and 2 sons, roughly the same age apart as him and Sam. Both attacked by an extremely vengeful spirit, the father was gutted and the sons were supernaturally manipulated into hanging themselves. Dean walked into their house hoping to save the family after following trails of the case, but he walked into a gruesome scene that left him shaking and holding back from vomiting.

In Dean’s mind, it was a representation of his own torn apart family. He left the home, found the grave of the spirit, and put it to rest with unsteady hands and bleary eyes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to you in time… I could’ve saved you and I wasn’t there. I wasn’t good enough to help you. I’m so sorry.” Dean whispers, half to the victims and half to his younger brother, thousands of miles away and unable to hear his plea.

He gets to the motel room he rented with his duffle slung over his shoulder and stands outside the door with the key in his hand, almost afraid to enter, lest he finds another sick and twisted scene inside. He exhales roughly and shoves the key into the door and strides in.

All that's inside his cheap bottle of gas station whiskey and a pack of menthols.

He drops his duffle on the extra twin bed before scooping up his liquor and smokes. He wants to erase this entire hunt from his mind if he can.

Oh, how he wants to.

Three hours later his whole pack is gone, cigarette butts shoved into an old ashtray, and 3/4th the bottle of whiskey is sitting harshly in his stomach. Dean can’t stop picturing that family as his own. Thoughts of his father’s anger circle inside his mind like a tornado.

“I told you to watch out for Sammy, boy! Do you even use that brain other than to continuously disappoint me and fail your brother? To fail Mary?”

HIT

“I left you alone for two weeks! TWO WEEKS THAT'S ALL! Now Sam has run off and you’re going to pay for it.”

HIT

“So you blew through all the money I left you and now you’re turning tricks like some little faggot? You’re going to influence Sammy to that shit and I won’t allow my sons to be like that.”

HIT

With each memory of John rushing back into Dean’s mind, he can still feel the physical hits coming. His dad was right. This would never have happened if he hadn’t been more careful. If he had protected Sam like he was told to. If he had been a better son.

He finishes the last of the whiskey as the screams of his father’s voice start to fade back into the black void inside his mind. But the moment the last drop of liquor touches his tongue, he breaks. Every punch landed by his father that he took in order to protect Sam comes rushing back. Every harsh word and drunken fight he got into. Every argument with Sam over being too controlling, too much of a soldier.

Dean feels sick.

The toilet in that crappy motel room has certainly seen better days, but no matter how much Dean vomits, he stays just as drunk.

In a moment of blind anger, he destroys the kitchenette, the TV, and the nightstand. He chucks the empty whiskey bottle at the wall and watches the glass fly everywhere as it shatters.

He absent-mindedly picks up a large piece of glass.

This could kill me. One quick and easy slash to my neck or wrist and that’d be it. No more pain for Sam, and no more disappointment for dad.

He lets his hand drop to his side and allows the shard to fall to the floor. This isn’t the first time he’s had thoughts like this in moments of weakness, but it's certainly the first time there was a calm push behind it. He collapses to his knees with a broken sob. He doesn’t want to do this anymore. He's tired.

God, he is so tired.

Dean isn’t sure when he decided this was his only option to stop the deep visceral pain he’s feeling, but it's where he’s at now.

Swallow all the pills in the med bag? No, that's what bitches and girls do, plus… it's painful.

Slit his wrists in a nice warm bath? Even worse than pills! You really are some kind of faggot, aren’t you?

Shotgun to the face? Now that's the man’s way out.

He pauses, looking over to his favorite sawed-off. It’ll be an absolute mess if that’s the way he goes. He thinks again to the family he couldn’t save; how gory and horrific it was. He shudders and breathes in sharply. He can’t do that to someone else, especially not some innocent civilian.

“Of course,” he mutters under his breath “I have a rope in the trunk.” So that’s the plan.

He stuffs all his shit into his duffle, writes out an apology to Sam, Bobby, and John (it’s a suicide note, but it doesn’t explain anything), and then he ties a military-grade noose. He finds a chair that isn’t completely destroyed by his earlier rage and begins to tie the rope onto the ceiling fan.

He stands there for a moment, contemplating. “Am I really about to do this? I’ve fought monsters and demons and ghosts for twenty years and this is where it ends?”

He shakes his head and shrugs.

“Always knew I'd die before thirty.”

He raises the noose to his head and just as he is about to slide it around his throat… The chair breaks apart, and he's left lying on his back with the wind knocked out of him.

“FUCK!” he manages to yell out before his lungs and chest start burning again. Tears begin to pinprick at his eyes as he lays motionless (and probably concussed, he didn’t break his fall at all). “I can’t even kill myself right.” he thinks to himself.

Slowly, he gets himself off the floor, groaning at the pain in his skull and back as he does. Crawling over to his bed, he sees the glass shard he dropped earlier.

“I just want to stop this fucking FEELING” his mind screams. “Just do SOMETHING you worthless son of a bitch!”

He picks the glass back up.

Everything is hazy when his brain starts to come into focus again. His hands feel slick and wet, so he brings them to his face to see what he touched.

Blood.

His own blood.

Three long gashes across his forearm, roughly a quarter-inch deep and four inches long each. He needs to stitch himself up for sure.

30 minutes later and it just looks like a hunt gone bad, his arm is sewn up and all the motel towels are stained red.

For a fleeting moment, he feels at peace. The rush of discovering what he did in a fog of failing to kill himself and the overwhelming feeling of failing his family, he feels like this was something he deserved. Like he deserved to be punished.

After an hour of dissociating and staring at the wall, he passes out and sinks into a moment of silent nothingness. No nightmares, not yet.

Dean practically jumps out of his skin when he hears Cas’s voice from the doorway.

“Dean? You look pale. What's going on?” Castiel asks with his familiar cadence.

Dean wishes he knew what brought that memory back up. Instead, he plasters on a fake smile and shakes his head reassuringly the best he can.

“Nothing Cas, just thinking I guess. What took you so long? You burn the popcorn or somethin?” Dean knows he sounds insincere, he knows that Cas knows, too. He doesn't want Cas to worry any more than he already does, though.

“Dean, your heart rate sped up and you were on the verge of hyperventilating, what happened?”

Damn it. He should’ve known Cas could still do that weird x-ray angel shit. Instead of trying to hide it further, he sighs and motions for Castiel to sit beside him on the couch.

However, he blanches when Cas passes behind him and brushes his hand against Dean’s shoulder. Cas sits down carefully, not to overwhelm Dean. Castiel has seen him during a flashback before, especially after hell. Cas looks inviting, ready to listen to whatever Dean has to say. Cas was always trying to be open with him lately, Dean knows it’s because of the struggles the last six months.

Cas dying, if briefly. Dean ALMOST dying, because of it.

Wait…

That's when Dean realizes.

Every time he’s lost someone, it's been bad. Drunk passed out on the floor, let Baby be filthy, run into hunts without any concern for his safety, bad…

The two worst times were when he lost Sammy, and when he thought he lost Cas to the Empty.

Dean must’ve been sitting there with a strange look on his face for a while cause Cas reaches out gingerly to silently ask if he’s alright. Dean gives him a half-smile and lets out the breath he was apparently holding.

“Cas, did I ever tell you about what I did in 2004 when Sam was off at Stanford and I was hunting by myself?”

Cas tilts his head in that endearing way he always does, “Not that I recall. Is something from back then troubling you now still?”

Dean clenches his jaw and runs a hand over his mouth, a nervous tic he picked up from John decades ago. “I did something similar back then to what I did in that barn. I gave up.”

Castiel’s eyes widen a bit, starting to understand what Dean is trying to say, but staying silent, to let him get this out.

Dean cracks a wry chuckle, “y’know, when you pulled me outta hell and into my body again, I was surprised you wiped the slate and got rid of all my scars.” He glances at Castiel, just for a moment, to see his reaction. It's soft but a little confused.

“At the time, I thought you would like to come back whole. A fresh start after what you went through in hell. I know now that life is about the imperfections and that the littlest things have meaning and memories. I’m sorry if I took those from you, Dean.” Cas meets Dean’s eyes with apologetic fondness and sincerity.

“Cas, it's okay. Really. Sometimes… I don't know, there's some scars I just miss sometimes.” He runs his hand along his forearm, where the self-harm scars would’ve been. “The ones that were here… they gave me a constant reminder of what almost happened. What I almost did.” Dean can feel his face getting warm as he talks about it, eyes watering up but no tears slip down his face.

Cas seems to nod along, waiting for him to continue with concerned patience. “I tried to kill myself back in ‘04. Sam was gone and doing fine without me, he had Jess. Dad was pissed at me for not getting him to stay and hunt. I had no one. I hit a low point after finding a really fucked up case about a vengeful spirit that gutted a family, father, and two sons…” Dean chokes up, as he pictures the glazed eyes of the corpses he found. A shiver runs down his spine as he can still picture it like it was yesterday.

“You saw your father and Sam in them and it brought up a lot of emotions, that’s understandable.” Cas tries to reassure him but doesn’t quite understand what Dean’s trying to get at.

“I got drunk after I salt and burned the spirit's corpse. I felt empty inside and like nobody needed me. I couldn’t save those kids and I didn't see any point in saving myself…” tears are now flowing gently down Dean’s face as he tries to push out what he needs to say, what he needs Cas to understand about this. “When you, when you said all that stuff before you left… I felt that same exact way. Even though I had Sam and Jack and then the whole bullshit after with Chuck and Lucifer and Michael… I felt so damn alone. Like I’d failed you, cause I couldn’t even save someone I love the most.” Dean’s voice goes harsh as he full-on sobs at those last few words.

The past few months since Castiel has been back, they haven’t talked about Cas's confession before being taken by the Empty, and Dean hasn’t said it aloud (even though his mind is screaming those three words every time he looks at Cas). Dean feels Cas touch his hand gently, reverently. A sob violently racks his body as he looks up into blue eyes also filled with tears.

“I’m so sorry Dean. I’m sorry.” the last word catches in his throat as Dean grabs his hand fully, intertwining their fingers.

“I know Cas. You did it to save me. You seem to keep doing that, huh? From hell, saying yes to Michael, Billie, from myself…” Dean softly strokes his thumb against Cas’s hand while tear tracks continue to stain his face. “Cas, thank you. I know I’ll never be able to pay you back for all that you’ve done for me and for Sam but… thank you.”

They lock eyes for a moment, Dean knows Cas loves him and he knows he loves Cas. He can’t think of a goddamn thing standing in the way right now. Dean releases Cas’s hand, cups his face, and brings their lips together, finally.

It takes a moment for Castiel to understand what's happening, but he quickly catches up and kisses Dean back fervently.

Cas tastes like summer rain after a long drought, like lightning and thunder all at once, like earth and something ethereal Dean can’t quite place. Cas tastes like coming home, and he is.

“Me too, Cas. Son of a bitch, I love you too.” he whispers into Cas’s mouth as Cas lets out a sob-laugh.

They pull apart for a moment, hands still against each other's cheeks. Communicating with their eyes is something they’ve mastered after 12 years, but there's something unknown now. Something new, something hopeful. And dammit if Dean isn't going to latch on to that hope.

They decide on an old western, Dean’s seen it a hundred times before. They’re leaning into each other silently watching as Dean’s eyes begin to close. He can feel Cas running his fingers against his arm, where those scars would’ve been. It's then, in the comfort of his Angel, that Dean falls fast asleep.

For the first time in 40 years, he doesn’t have nightmares. Not of yellow eyes, not of losing Sammy; not of John’s anger, not of hell; the apocalypse, Michael, Chuck, losing Cas… it all feels distant and far behind him now. When Dean wakes again, Cas still has his arms around him, eyes closed, and is running his fingers through Dean’s hair.

Dean knows all his trauma won't just vanish, but in this moment with Cas...it feels possible.

5 notes · View notes

il-papa-patata · 4 years

Text

Day Off

Mary gets a day off, and you get to help him out with how he’s passing the time.

Mary Goore/gender neutral reader, masturbation, anal, body worship, sex tape mention, Mary Goore is a switch Change My Mind

based on the prompt of what’s in Mary’s underwear drawer from @altarsofmadnes

18+

You don't mean to walk in on him, but it's kind of hard when he lives in a studio with his bed in full view of the door.

He gave you a key a little while ago, just something you could use if you ended up in his part of town with nowhere else to go – safer that way, he growled into your ear, although it meant a lot more when he did.

Still, you usually missed him. He was a nocturnal creature, and if you came over expecting him there, he usually wasn't. You end up using the place more than him.

But he's here today. He's definitely here today.

He's sprawled out wide on the bed, plush thighs split open, head canted back, and a luridly purple toy crammed inside him.

You shut the door with a slam you wince at.

His head pops up – there's already a bright flush on his cheeks, but it deepens at your sudden arrival – and he growls, “C'mere.”

You're not going to argue.

You drop your bag and your coat, leaving them in a heap by the door – kicking off your shoes as Mary returns to what he was doing, now flicking it in and out lazily, watching you come close. You end up kneeling on the side of the mattress – your hip against his pillow.

He looks up at you searingly. The sharpness of his eyes never bored you – there was always something direct behind it, something clear and honest.

“Hi baby,” he snarls, enunciating a pretty moan when he drives the toy deep.

God, he looks amazing. The leanness of his chest, his back arched, the pretty flush. Never mind how hard he is, cock flushed bright red and leaking precum onto his stomach.

“How... long have you been going?” You think to ask. It's not the first thought but the first thoughts all crowd together with the urges to plant yourself on him and kiss him, to grab that cock and make him cum, to bite his flushed cheeks.

“Mmn,” he groans, canting his head towards the ratty old cassette-player-clock he has, “Twenty minutes?”

“Shit,” you murmur, planting a hand on his ribs and startling a laugh from him.

“Day off. 'S good to go slow sometimes.”

“And you didn't think to call?” You pout, leaning down over him. Shit, this is- so hot. You lean down to his lips, but just as he comes up to meet you, you back away.

“Knew you were coming. Knew you'd come before I did. Tease.”

“You want me to help?” You offer.

“Mmh,” he says, but it's muffled when you kiss him, biting at his lower lip.

You reach for his cock, but he pushes your hand away, settling it over his chest. “Don't I get some foreplay?”

“You've been foreplaying for-” you look dramatically at the clock, “Twenty minutes.”

He laughs, letting go of the toy he's been loosely fucking himself with and grabbing both your hands. He sets them against his chest.

“You gonna play with my tits or what?”

Well. You're not exactly going to turn down the offer.

But you move, down around to the bottom of the bed, and you pull him into your lap, the toy bumping deeper into him when you press it against your stomach.

He moans and it's a damn pretty one too.

“Shit-” he cusses, eyes fluttering before he stares up at you. “This ain't foreplay.”

“Sure it is,” you say, leaning over him and spreading your fingers along his chest again. His legs are under your arms, heels braced against the bed, and he's watching you with those eyes.

You grin.

You go oh-so-slowly. Yeah, obviously you're aroused as hell, all of Mary's leanness stretched out for you, but damn if you weren't gonna let that heat simmer. You gently trace the edge of his pecs, where his ribs stick out, the ever-so-slight pudge to his tummy, just below the belly button. You told him he should be an artist's model, but he never takes you seriously. Who wants to draw a shitty punk, he says, and you retort Artists, who are, yknow, shitty punks.

You reach back up – you touch his neck, surprisingly free of hickeys, the long arteries flowing down into his fucked up, broken collarbones. Down his shoulders.

He's very red.

It's real nice.

You adjust him, pressing your elbows back into his thighs to jostle the toy again against your stomach. You thrill at the noise he makes, something strangled and desperate.

“You wanted foreplay, Goore,” you tease, although if he really complained you'd be more than fine with just fucking him.

“Ungh,” he punches out when you tweak a nipple, melting into a snarled laugh, “Shit, I did. I did I did I did.”

You smooth your hands over his pecs again, grazing his stiff nipples with the webs of your thumbs,

“So pretty,” you murmur, coaxing his leg up over your shoulder. You could bend him in half if you really wanted. Legs up over his head. “You look good like this.”

“Fffuck yeah I do,” he stutters, grabbing at your hands to put them where he wants – but they never stay longer than a few seconds, him constantly moving you where he needs you, his waist, his neck, his chest. “Wanna make a sex tape with me? Fuck my ass for the world?”

“’Nother time,” you tell him, pulling his knee in towards you, kissing the inside of his thigh. He's so bendy.

He finally settles on putting your hand on his chest, planted against his breastbone. He's rutting against you now, pushing the toy deeper.

“You'd do it?” He giggles, his eyes nearly starry, “Shit, I'm gonna get so much stuff to jack off to- You gonna wear lingerie? You want me in the lingerie?”

“Mary,” you snarl, trying not to peak your own arousal, trying not to drag him against your crotch and get yourself off, “Shush.”

You pull him really close, and he does shush- for a moment. But as soon as you start shifting your hips, he whines, “Okay, okay, babe, okay, I'm all ready, no more slow, cmon.”

You linger on the idea of just going slow until he's brainless, but he's already halfway there, the line of precum dripping up towards his chest with the way his hips are, so you're nice.

You pull a little away so you can grab purchase around the dildo's balls, his legs thrown haphazardly over your thighs. Fuckin’ good legs, his.

You pull it out of him – it's really purple, almost fuchsia – and slam it back in.

“Shit!” he moans, “Shit, shit, shit, do that again!”

You aren't gonna argue. You pull the toy out again, and with a flick of your wrist, bury it deep in him again. It's not a massive toy but it's long enough you're kind of surprised.

He gives a punchy little groan, reaching up to grab hard at your arm, to pull it onto him. Maybe you're not so surprised at the size of the toy. Mary's a good old-fashioned slut, so.

You go- slow, but firm and deep. It's how he fucks you, so you have to imagine it's what he likes too. He babbles, finally planting your hand on his waist, asking you to hold him down. You can definitely do that.

Fuck. This is hot. You grind down onto the bed, trying to release a little bit of the heat in you, but each time you do, Mary lets out another hot moan, the flush on his cheeks vibrant, and you just get more worked up watching him.

“Uh, uh,” he stutters, as you bounce the cock inside of him, “Unngh, baby pleaaaase, please please please.”

You roll your wrists, teasing him, needing friction for yourself, “How'd you manage- twenty minutes without me?”

“Wasn't- uh, wasn't you here,” he moans, “S'hotter with you. Love your hands, baby, love your fucking hands, ugh, feel so good-”

You think to taunt him, but his legs distract you, the way the shift and squeeze around you, the heel you feel latch behind your back. They're good goddamn legs. So you bend a little and sink your teeth into his thigh, nibbling and making sure to leave teethmarks behind.

“Yes, baby, yes, please be nice to me, please mark me up, ungh baby, don't touch my cock I just want you to fuck me til I come-”

You just hold him down. Fuck the toy in and out of him, trying to get yourself off against his bedsheets, trying to focus on biting his thigh until there's a big purple mark, one he's no doubt gonna run his fingers over and giggle about later.

You cant the toy, give a good few pumps with it, and with a sudden shout, Mary comes. Ropes of cum splatter against his chest, up his neck and even some in his hair, the way he's folded over. You slowly work him through it, fucking him slowly until his keening stops, until he's just breathing heavy.

He shudders when you pull the toy out.

“Fuckin'-” he sighs, “Holy shit babe.”

You reach for the little bag of sex stuff by his bed – wet wipes and condoms and lube – ready to clean him off, but he springs up, apparently full of energy, and grabs your wrist.

“That was so fucking good, babe,” he grins, “So good.”

“Glad,” you say, still chasing your own friction but trying to be subtle, trying to clean him up.

“No, no,” he says, tossing the pack of wet wipes away, hastily kicking the dildo off the bed where it rolls away onto his floor (“Dude, that's gonna be so gross-” “I'll fuckin boil it later, worrywart-”) and pulls you up into a searing kiss, his tongue halfway in your mouth by the time you're aware you've moved.

“Let me repay the favor, huh, puddin' pie?” He grins, and pulls you up against the wall to make good on his promise.

#mary goore #repugnant #patata fic #spicy patata #18+

50 notes · View notes

sergeant-donny-donowitz · 4 years

Text

PART 1: Adrenaline (CliffBoothxFem!Reader)

@tealaquinn @frozenhuntress67 @juxt4p0siti0n @kwyloz

Requested by @tealaquinn

Let me know if you wanna be added to the IB or OUATIH taglists :)

Part 2 Should be up in a few days, I promise ;-;

A/n: I know Born on the Bayou came out in 1969, bear with me XD

1968

"Rough night at the track?" Cliff looked up as he heard a bar stool drag on the ground. He glanced at the bar tender, then at you. You were a regular there, he guessed. A dive bar that he recently took a liking to. He liked the music they played. Not modern enough to attract the hippies, and not old enough to remind him of the war. The regulars seemed to be from all walks of life, and all seemed to know each other, and the waitresses and bar tenders. It seemed like a nice place to spend nights. You'd known that since you were old enough for a (legal) drink. You practically called that counter your home. Now Cliff couldn't help but watch your for a moment longer than he should have. Something about you caught his eye, but he couldn't quite pinpoint it. You sat and humored the bar tender, an old friend at that point, "Rough as a win can be, Jacky." He chuckled as he set a glass on the counter, "A win, huh?" He pulled out the liqueur he knew you to be a fan of, "How 'bout a double? On the house, kid." "Thanks Jack." You smiled, and took your drink. You sat there, listening to the music and the crowd. The crowd. A few of the regulars were gearing towards a bar fight. You stood up, walked over to their table, set your glass down with a slam, and leaned on the table with your palms flat on the edge. The two would-be-fighters let go of each other, and promptly sat back down. The bar settled back down, and you went back to your spot. "Pretty impressive."

You glanced over, and saw someone that probably should have drawn your attention earlier. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and moccasins.

That definitely should have gotten your attention earlier. "Pretty usual 'round here, buddy." You chuckled a little as you got another drink. He smiled, "Name's Cliff." You turned to him, each of you with a drink in hand. Moscow Mule in yours, and a Bloody Mary in his. You raised your glass to his, "Y/n." He smiled and nodded, and you both took a drink. "Usual or not, pretty impressive to me." You shrugged, "When you run halfway across the country at 17, and make a living off drag racing, you have to be. Cause it's a man's world. Been a few years since then. I've learned a thing or two." "Halfway across the country, huh? Where might that be?" You laughed a little, "Well y'know, I was born on the bayou." You winked and he smirked, "That's a song, isn't it?" You raised your eyebrow, "Huh...you seemed a little old to get that, but...yeah." You smiled a little and he laughed, "Alright, alright. Born on the bayou, but there’s bayous in a lot of places." "Yeah that's the trouble, ain't it." You winked again and sighed, "So's Mississippi. So we moved to St. Louis when I was a kid." "St. Louis?" He seemed even more interested. "You been?" "Been? I lived there for a while!" He laughed, and the two of you hit it off.

As happy as you seemed talking about the bayou and St. Louis, Cliff couldn't help but wonder why you ran away. And after a few drinks, he was asking things he normally wouldn't. "So why'd you leave?" You shrugged, "Knew what I wanted. Knew what I had. Knew it wasn't enough." As vague as that was, Cliff looked at you, and understood. He used to be like you. Young, and a dreamer, like that. He looked at you... He knew what he had. It wasn't much. But at that moment, he realized he had an honest friend or two. One of them was you. By the end of the night, you had a sort of feeling that you hadn't had before. ...And he was tipsy. So there was no way you'd let him drive himself home. So you were driving him. He chuckled to himself, "Oh how the tables have turned..." You didn't quite understand what he meant, but you laughed anyway. Something about Cliff put you at ease, why you didn't know. You led him to the parking lot out back. A few cars were scattered around, the bar was closing up. Cliff whistled, "That's a nice car...Helluva car...."

You nodded, "Yeah." And you unlocked it. His mouth dropped, "You drive a cobra?!" He looked back at the run down bar you frequented, then back at the beauty of a sports car, then at you. You giggled, "Not my first set of wheels. You work for it in my line of business, Cliff." His eyebrow raised. Rick used to have a car like that. It was actually the first car he wrecked. It threw him back a few years, but stilll, he was stuck in the moment with you, "No? What was your first car you raced?" "Made my name with a T-bird." You opened the door for Cliff. He leaned over the roof. "I didn't know you could race those." "You can't." You winked, and he smirked, "Oh, I see how it is." He sat in with you as you turned the car on. It ran like a dream. "So what happened to it?" "The T-bird?" "Yeah! And how’d you get it?" He nodded. It had been a while since anyone was so intrigued by anything you had to say, and it made you smile, more than anything had in a long time. "Well..." You sat there, with the engine running, directly under the stars. "I worked since I was 14 with some mechanics, saved every fucken penny cause all my life, I knew I wanted to fucken drive. Where, I didn't know. I just wanted to drive, and never stop. And I did. A junkyard nearby, well, I knew em. I went to school with their kids, and got spare parts from them when I worked with the mechanics, so, I got a break. I got a ‘59 in 1961. I worked on it for a whole year. I made it faster, better, I did everything. I was seventeen when I drove off, and I never looked back. I didnt' stop till I had to." "You had to?" He looked at you with his deep eyes. He wanted to ask why you ran away, but he'd known you for less than a night. You shrugged, "I hit Santa Monica." He nodded, and chuckled. “Yeah? Then what happened?” "Four years of racing. Thunderbirds aren't meant for racing to begin with. And that was a race I did not win." You sighed, "But I did get this," You pulled your shirt up a little to reveal a deep scar over your stomach. "It was a street race. It was raining. I was stupid. And I wrecked it." You put the corner of your shirt back down. Cliff's jaw was clenched. From that moment, it hit him that racing wasn’t just all about the glory and the adrenaline. He remembered all the headlines he'd seen over the years. Legal and illegal racing. Nothing was ever certain. Your safety included... And that scared him. You sighed, and smirked a little, revving up the engine. "But I had nothing else to live on. So I started lookin’ through junkyards again. And goddamn, I found someone had worse luck than me. And was much, much stupider." You looked at Cliff, "It was early ‘66. Some fucken idiot was drunk, and wrecked his car." Cliff leaned against the headrest, unable to resist a smile. "Small world." "I used whatever I could from the T-bird, sold the rest of it as spare parts, and used all the money I had. And, here we are." You looked over at the amazed man, "So, where we goin'?" It took him a moment to snap out of his daze. The respect he had for you at that moment, was nothing like he'd ever felt for anyone before. "Uh....You uh..." It had been a long time since any girl had made him stutter like that. Before the war. That's how long. "Y'know where the Van Nuys Drive in is?" "Uh huh," You smiled as you pulled out of the parking lot, and reached for the radio.

"She said baby, can't you see? I wanna be famous, a star on the screen-" You reached to change the station. Frankly, Cliff didn't strike you as much of a Beatles fan....and why you wanted to impres him, you didn't wanna admit to yourself. "Hey, I haven't heard this song in a while!" No one, not even Rick, knew he ever listened to any beatles songs. Only you knew, and you knew by his smile and the way he subtly bopped his head as he leaned his arm on the door, and looked out at the road. You smiled, and did the same as you drove. He snuck glances at you, and smiled. Yeah, racing might be a "man's world," but he could see you winning the Indy 500. What's more, he could see himself being there, in the stands, cheering you on. That's what he saw as he mindlessly nodded along to songs he wasn't listening to, and looked out at the city lights and roads. "Cliff?" He snapped out of it. You stopped across the street from the drive-in. "Where to?" "There's a parking lot back there. Got a trailer there." "Trailer, huh? Like a movie star?" You humored him, but he shook his head, "Close. I'm a stuntman." You pulled up nect to the trailer, and looked at him, "Stuntman, huh?" "Yup." You both looked at each other. Both of you lived on the edge of adrenaline's limit, day in and day out. And you respected the hell out of ecah other for it. "You uh, you wanna come in for some dinner? All I got's mac n cheese, but..." You cut the engine, and nodded, "That'd be nice." He unlocked his door, "I gotta dog, she's uh... she's a good guard dog, she barks at people she don't know, but-" When he opened the door, Brandy trotted out, whining, and immediately went to you, pushing her head in your hand. “She's never done that before...."

"She's fucking adorable..." Your heart melted, and immediately poured all your attention to her. Cliff really was at a loss. Brandy hadn't done that with anyone before. He sighed... What could he do? Nothing. Nothing but make mac n cheese. And talk. Which is exactly what you did for hours and hours. His adventures over seas, and your adventures crossing the country. He told you about his boss, and his suspicions about the cobra. "You're shitting me. Small world, huh?" He smiled... those were his thoughts exactly. And you both went on, tlaking about your sponsors, or lack thereod. Adrenaline. Rumors and wagers. Stunts, and racing. Everything. Then, the sun came up. His alarm went off, and you were still talking. Both of you laughed, and he asked, "Can I get a lift back?" You nodded. "Of course," And you drove him back to the parking lot at the bar to pick up his car. You giggled a little, looking up at the bright blue, sunny California sky, "Goodnight, Cliff." He turned to you, and chuckled, "Goodnight, Y/n..." You both looked at each other for a moment. Again, longer than you should have. And then you kissed... That was a year ago.

And it was one eventful year. The first half, he became a regular at that dive bar, and at the race track. You became a regular at his trailer. All nighters became a favorite past time. But the second half of that year was rough. Rick and Cliff were having trouble making ends meet and getting cast. They had to go to Italy for a while just to pay off bills. But not everything was so smooth between you and Cliff. Every time things started to go well, you pushed Cliff away. He never figured out why. Both of you had trouble letting others in. You knew he was still on guard because of his ex-wife. And you had your reasons too: the only difference was that you knew his, but he didn’t know yours.

His six months away from you put him on edge. He really didn't want to lose you. Rick noticed something was especially off when they were boarding the plane going back to Los Angeles. They had been a little more than brothers, and a little less than wives to each other for years, so he thought it was about their split.

"Things won't be so bad, you know? I got Francesca, and you got Y/n, a-and-"

It never happened before, but Cliff opened up to Rick for once, and he told him about it. "Y/n won't let me in." "Come on now, ol' buddy. You just need to talk to her." “What if she doesn’t need me anymore?" "What're you talkin' about?" Rick was panicking. He didn't quite know how to respond. He was doing his damn best though, even though it was usually the other way around.

The tables really had turned.

"She's been going to some hollywood parties. She's a racer, she's getting more sponsors, more media attention. She's making it." "That's her dream, Cliff. You either by her side, or you ain't there at all." "What if she doesn't want me there?" Rick shook his head, "Come on now. You know that ain't her."

But Cliff didn't know what he knew anymore. All he could do was wait... But he lost his nerve. He told Rick he called you and told you they were gonna say their goodbyes. But that wasn't true. They got drinks. Cliff got an acid dipped cigarette. And then they got a few unwanted visitors...

It was about midnight. You were still at the track. You'd just finished up a race Cliff wasn't in the crowd. You thought he'd be there, but he wasn't. And that wasn't like him. Something was wrong...very wrong. But you ignored it... maybe the flight was delayed, maybe he got caught up in traffic, or the paparazzi was swarming or something... You hung out with the other drivers for a few hours. At about 3AM, you walked to your car. "Y/N!" Your heart pounded faster than it had in any race. You heard Rick's voice. But something was off. "Rick?" Your had started to shake. "Y/n, darlin’...'" He ran to you, and hugged you. You could tell something wasn't right. "Rick?" He smelled like margaritas and cigarettes. "Promise me..." He held on to your upper arms, "Promise me you'll stay calm, ok?" His voice was shaking, his eyes and face were red. "Rick...what's-what's going on? Where's Cliff?"

#Cliff Booth #cliff booth x reader #Once Upon A Time In Hollywood #OUATIH #rick dalton

124 notes · View notes

wendibird · 4 years

Text

SPN 15X15 Observations

The saga of my shitty cable/internet provider continues. This week I was again watching it on my computer through the streaming app since TV still isn’t getting reliable reception, and my internet connection kept dropping! (Luckily, I’ve also set it to record, so I was able to re-watch the episode after it aired.) So, my notes are much less coherent probably, and I’ve had a long day so my after-episode thoughts probably are too.

Everything else under the cut for those who wish to avoid spoilers and all my rambling:

- Connor isn't going to last long. - wtf? (freaky teddy bear!) - "she and I used to have a thing"? Seriously Dean? - Cas: "Sam?" (aka "Please be the reasonable one.") - soooooo much salt from Cas. - "Agent Swift!" - BABY YODA!!!! - I think the crossroads thing is Cas just making a phone call more or less. - Cas, there are NEVER "too many cats". - LOL I love Cas' literalness - Eeeeee..... love them bonding. - Hrm. So there's definitely a karmic element to these killings. I mean, "Lair" seemed like a bit of a stretch for the other kid, unless the "lie" was in him agreeing with the snobby girls. But I have a feeling this lady here is going to end up with something like "thief" carved into her. (So, thoughts: Avenging Angel? Just Deserts? Probably something new.)

- Also I feel like there was maybe something in that "previously" scene that I don't remember seeing before. (Was talking about Dean going into detail about needing to take Amara out as well as Chuck. I remember part of that conversation, but some parts felt "new" to me? Though I've only seen through this current season once, so I might just not be remembering everything right.) - Sam's worried/concerned about Jack! <3 - "At least this time it's not you and me." Oh man does that feel like foreshadowing. - Not sure I trust the pastor. - I've been watching this show too long. They all feel sketchy. Especially the girl with the headband. *LOL* - Oh man. Are they really going "Torture Porn" on us again? (Apparently) - His (Jack’s) Mom died 3 years ago too. - "I have more dads than most." <3 - "Put your trust in God." Wow. *LOL* Poor Jack. - Cas, you're totally one of his dads. But yes. It is complicated. - Ahhh. Maybe that's what the "Liar" thing was about. (Connor being gay and hiding it?) - Hi Amara! (My cat wants to get into my closet.)

- Amara's still in relatively light colors.

(Stupid internet signal is being a pain)

- I wish I knew what was going on.

(Aaaaand more internet problems)

- I love Cas! (still confused about what's going on.)

- So, what's with the random demon in the squad car? - Dammit.... I had a feeling Jack would end up having to die to kill Chuck and Amara.

(OKAY! Now that the episode is over, I'm going to re-watch parts of it so I can find out what the hell I missed! (still irritated))

- Jack HAS one of those teddy's! I wonder which one got it for him.... (My guess is Sam or Cas) - Maybe it was Zack in the cop car at the end? He DID say he was really bored. - Reason why I was thinking it might be something supernatural was because the one who did it seemed to know in advance who they were going after, but that lady just now stole from the poor box. So, how did the daughter know? Unless she'd done it before? Hrm. - Minor note: "We've been on the road almost two days." WTF? SPN doing somewhat realistic travel times?! *LMAO* - Trying to tell what's in her other hand. Looks like it's duct-taped closed into a fist around something. A transmitter maybe? It's an odd detail that I don't think gets explained. - So, did she call him a "liar" because she saw the two of them as having dated and then he came out as gay at some point? - So, they're just gonna leave the Impala there while it's gassing up? *LOL* - I still love Cas for this part. Sharing his "Journey". - Okay, got to see the guys' talk with Amara. (At least the first half of it.) I still think it's risky for Dean to tell her about Jack even being a player on the board. Though I get that he had to give her SOMETHING so she would get that the threat is credible. That they actually CAN do something against Chuck. - Also, SPN can't settle on its history. *LOL* But that's nothing new. Back in S5 it was God and Death and Death couldn't remember who came first. Then at the end of Season 10 we got an updated version with the Darkness (Who didn't seem to have met Death prior to her imprisonment.) Now, Darkness and God were twins. - Ewwwwww.... dead guy. - Wow.... They actually textualized that. (About Mary.) - He sounded like he meant it when he said "I will never hurt you." - I still love Cas being a subtle badass. - Jack... it's NOT the only way... (And I'm pretty sure Sam HAS forgiven Jack. But I don't think they've really talked.)

SO.

I apologize that my "notes" this time are a train-wreck, but so was my internet connection, so sadly, this is what happens when I watch part of the episode, miss some important bits, and watch most of the rest of it (while still missing more bits) and then when it's finally over I can finally go back and re-watch the bits I'd missed. And I wound up mostly just re-watching the whole thing again anyway. And some things definitely made more sense, and I definitely noticed some things I hadn't caught the first time.

I know a lot of people aren't going to like it because it mostly featured Cas and Jack while being light on the brothers. (But there WAS some good brother content!) I did enjoy it well enough though. (Like, it's not gonna make my top 10 total episodes, but I liked it better than a lot of the ones earlier this season.)

Organizing my thoughts is gonna be a bit hard (I've had a long day) but I'll make an attempt here.

Cas and Jack's arc: It definitely had a more old-school SPN horror vibe to me, though more like some of the newer horror movies (like Saw and the like) and I think both characters were written well. We had two awkward angels who still don't get all things human, but they obviously care. There was also a lot of talk about God in a way that I felt made both of them feel awkward considering their perspective on Chuck. I do still wonder though about some of the details of what Sylvia was doing. Like, I get how she'd probably been stewing about the one boy for a while. But the lady (could never quite tell if it was Valerie or Mallory) had literally JUST stolen from the donation box when she stepped outside into the trap laid for her. So, was this maybe a habit of her's? How would Sylvia have known about it beforehand? And also, what was with the crossroads demon at the very end posing as/possessing a police officer? Is he going rogue because he's bored? Is he acting on some weird kind of orders? I saw some theories about maybe the Dad made a crossroads deal to spring his daughter, but... I dunno. Unless it's supposed be a tease for something to come later, it feels odd and random.

Overall, I did really like Cas in this episode. I thought his blend of salt, cluelessness, and altruism was good, and I loved what he said about his past, and how he found his new purpose. Because he has been drifting quite a bit since he lost his original purpose. But he definitely seems to have found it again with Jack. So naturally he gets to find out that Jack is fated to die taking out God and the Darkness. *sigh* Dude CANNOT catch a break! Also, JACK! I love him so much! (And honestly, I'd had suspicions already that this is what had been troubling him. I'm glad he finally told one of his dads at least.)

Also, just wanna reiterate, I loved that bit at the beginning when Dean suggests Cas and Jack go tackle this case "that probably isn't anything (supernatural)" and he turns to Sam like "Please be the sane one here." (My hope/headcanon is that Sam encouraged him to go because he knows something has been troubling Jack, and if Jack won't open up to Sam about it, maybe he was hoping he'd open up to Cas at least. Then maybe SOMEONE could help him. But I don't know if the writers are thinking that deeply about Sam.)

Speaking of Sam and Dean... Okay, overall I thought their part of the episode was okay for what we saw. Like, the brother talk in the Impala, mild bickering about driving times and regular mundane stuff. Also their talk with Amara had some GOOD emotional beats in it. For Dean and Amara. Sam was mostly just there. And then he wasn't even there for the main part. So... *sigh* It's not that I begrudge Dean having that moment. I mean, he definitely had more of a connection to Amara than Sam did. But it still feels like not much really happened with him besides being a soundingboard and showing some concern for Jack. Hopefully we get more of him actually being important to the plot in upcoming episodes.

But let me reiterate that I DID like the talk Dean and Amara had! I'm glad that she textualized something that I know a lot of fans have theorized about Mary and her purpose narratively. That prior to her resurrection she had been put on this pedestal, but Dean and Sam were actually able to get to know the real woman. That the real woman was better than the memory because she WAS real. Flaws and all. (Not that I blame Dean for being angry.) I'm just glad that it was said outright. Because I got the feeling from some of the things Samantha Smith has said at cons that that was part of the point of Mary's character since S12, to make her real. And I know a lot of people couldn't see past her flaws and still hate her. (I DO think some things could have been handled better with her character, but that's not the point of this long rambly post today.) Also, when Dean said that he could never hurt her? It felt like him telling the truth. Maybe he was able to get that feeling across because technically he WAS telling the truth, since the plan is for Jack to be the one doing the hurting. But I dunno.

Anyway, overall I thought it was a decent episode. It had some good character moments in it, and considering I thiiiiink the next episode is going to be very Sam and Dean heavy, I'm not gonna begrudge Cas and Jack some screentime in this one since things are likely going to be getting dicey here fairly soon.

(And again, I apologize for how scattered this is this time.)

P.S. Oh, and one last thing before I forget. Especially after last episode, I find it odd that Jack still thinks BOTH brothers haven't forgiven him. I get why he would think that about Dean. The dude outright said it was going to take some time. But Sam, as far as we've seen has been shown to be supportive of Jack. So, I wonder if it's because Jack still hasn't forgiven himself? Or if it's because maybe he and Sam haven't really talked about that whole issue, so maybe Jack thinks Sam is just avoiding it? (Or if the writers are just lumping Sam&Dean together again because WHY would anyone see them as two separate entities? *salty*) Because if anyone in this show SHOULD be aware that the brothers don't always think the same it should be Jack. Because from the start Sam has tended to hold a different stance in regards to him than Dean. *sigh* Ah well. We'll see how things fall out. Especially considering what Cas (I’m assuming anyway) told Dean about Jack and Billy’s plan.

#spn 15x15 spoilers #spn season 15 spoilers #episode review #my thoughts #mine internet doth sucketh #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #jack kline #the darkness/amara

7 notes · View notes

amwritingmeta · 5 years

Text

15x03: Oh hell yes!

I don’t even know what to say. Honestly, does anything have to be said? It was grand! It delivered on all the levels. And it set us up for a run toward the midseason finale that’s already making me sweat along the edges.

I mean, here, three episodes in, we have, let’s see, what do we have? We have:

Sam shushing Dean with that epically impatient gesture, yeah?

Yeah. Or more like... WHAAAAAAAAT?? He actually did that? *rewind* Yeah, no, yeah, he did. He put his hand up as Dean was doing his “We’re not just giving up that’s not who we are” infuriated rant at anything inevitable (I mean, yes faith in their abilities is good, just not how it’s delivered bulldozer style) and Sam SHUSHED his brother.

Leader!Sam. Tick-a-box.

We have, what else do we have, oh, yes, we have Dean SENDING CAS TO HELL.

Wow. Woooooooooooow. Like. w o w.

That was h a r s h. No, that was Harsh with a capital H and I knew it would come back and bite him on the ass, the damn stubborn dickhead. Because of course he knows Cas isn’t to blame, logically, for what happened to Mary. He’s just dead set on pushing Cas away for a myriad of reasons all tied to his skewed sense of self, which is still skewed, I believe, no matter how far he’s already come in his progression, and this slight skew-age is making him dig himself into this hole of self-punishment.

Because, logically, he knows what Cas means to him and, perhaps, he’s starting to get to a point where he can actually see and believe what he means to Cas and he can’t have that. Why should he get to be happy? E v e r?? And, of course, this is mirrored in what Cas is going through with his shadow representative telling him that the moment he is feeling even a breath of happiness, he’s bound for the Empty and eternal oblivion. Alone.

I can’t.

Only CAS will NOT HAVE IT, Dean. *sorry for shouting* *it’s just so perfect*

Cas says: “Jack is dead. Chuck is gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it’s time for me to move on.”

I’m cry. I’m cry so hard. I’m not cry really but on the inside I’m cry and I’m hap. I’m so hap. (wtf stop that) (that’s not even language-ing) (it’s just confusing af) Sorry. Crying from goddamn happiness at the CHOICE Cas makes by the end of this episode to fucking move on from a situation where he’s getting no emotional support from this man with whom he’s been through so much, no benefit of the doubt this time around, because of Dean’s own internal hangups, and Cas is saying, for himself, that that’s enough now.

Cas is saying, for himself, I’m clearly not wanted.

Cas is looking at the situation before him as though soon he won't even be needed, because it seems his powers are failing and without them, what use is he to Sam and to Dean exactly? (coming off of what the abominable Belphegor said to him about being used and discarded, of course)

And so Cas is saying, for himself, time to move on from this. Time to let you go. Because I can’t continue on like this, being rejected and sent to my death as if I mean nothing to you, not being listened to, only here to be blamed for everything that’s going wrong. No. You’re not putting that on me. You’re not putting all of it on me. You do that - and you lose me.

Head. Fucking. Exploded.

Cas just drew a goddamn line.

And look. Look at it. Look at the narrative as a whole. Look at what they represent to one another.

With Cas as representative of Dean’s Faith (in himself and in the future)

Dean as representative of Cas’ Humanity (mildly dormant until Dean)

then what needs to happen narratively for these two to actually be truly GOOD for each other is a closing of the arc that has seen them standing in as representatives of these core traits for the other, and for these core traits to exist within either of them without the other’s direct influence.

See? See what is happening?? They are letting each other go. They are stepping away from needing the other to find their way into their true identity - which is the function they’ve both served in each other’s individual arc since 4x01 - and, instead, they are moving into the final lap of actually reaching insight and understanding and self-actualisation of their own accord.

I swear.

It is breathtaking. It’s taken my breath. My breath is gone. I’m suffocating. Send help. Send. Help. Now.

Okay, I’m good.

Letting each other go means letting go of need and making way for want, for choice, for invitations to stay and for actual proof that they know who they are whether they have the other in their life or not, yeah?

Oh man I hope we get this. Whatever form it takes, however subtly they play it, I do hope we get the spirit of this!

Imagine Cas powering down and dealing with humanity on his own, no longer lost and alone and afraid, but choosing to hunt without a second thought. No more dressing himself up as Steve and trying to find purpose in human everyday activity, because his purpose - whether angel or man - was always and will always be to protect.

And even his worry about dying, if it even comes up, might be dispelled if he realises that death means a 50/50 chance of Heaven and absolutely no chance of the Empty... Taking away Cas’ powers is the ultimate way of making him realise he can cheat that deal plus give us insight into what will make him truly happy! But. We shalleth see-eth!

And Dean? He needs to boost that good old faith in himself, and that faith, to me, is all to do with chilling the fuck out. With allowing Sam to take the lead (and boy is he starting to). With easing up on the need for control. With relaxing into himself, his true self, and letting his facade, his performance, fade away. I wonder if we’re bound for one final short deconstruction arc.

I’m interested in the cheerleaders next ep. Would be nice to not get a single white straight male dudebro comment out of Dean, you know? It’d just be creepy at this point anyway. But yeah, seeing the underlining of how the kid full of bravado and faked self-confidence is now becoming a true adult would be wonderful. That said, part of the real Dean, I believe, is his giddiness at nerding out over stuff he truly loves and that childlike side of him should never ever go away. More of it, says I! :)

Dean needs to believe he deserves to be saved, but he’s the one doing the saving now, opening up to himself and, more importantly, to actual, real, raw vulnerability. Will he act as though Cas leaving means nothing to him? Most likely. But for how long? Sam will see right through it, right? It would be amazing if Dean’s not being defensive about it. You can tell the moment he says the damning words “And why does that something always seem to be you?” that, the moment the words are out, Dean’s questioning them like he can’t believe he actually said them out loud.

No faith. Stated.

Dean’s faith in Cas - an expression of Cas being representative of faith to Dean - is gone. And it’s gone for a reason. Because it has to be. Because Cas isn’t representative of faith anymore. Because he shouldn’t be. Dean isn’t aware of it, of course, but narratively he’s being pushed into a position of letting go of Cas. So. It would be amazing if that’s what we get. Not Dean being defensive of Cas’ need to go, but rather Dean being quiet, accepting, perhaps a little defeated, because he literally drove Cas away, but thinking (erroneously but still) that this is for the best. Cas is moving on and so should they and all is well.

Except.

He’ll miss Cas. He’ll miss Cas for who Cas is, not what he represents. He’ll want Cas back, because he loves him. But he can’t want Cas back... maybe hopefully... before he feels deserving of it. Before he believes that what’s actually for the best is for Cas to come home.

The “Where are you going?” is enough to show that Dean cares, that Cas is not really dead to him and that he doesn’t want Cas to leave, no matter how much he’s pushing and pushing and pushing Cas away. And, yeah, the expression on Dean’s face as Cas walks out the door says more than a thousand words. *hot damn Jensen Ackles*

Cas is taking control and he is done being taken for granted. Glory Effing B.

Now I’ve gone into an absolute melting pot of fantabulous setting up for possible character progression for both Cas and Dean, I cannot leave Sam out of it, because I dance, you dance, we all dance under a pogo stick at how this was a fantastic ep for him!

Rowena and Ketch both dying in the same episode is interesting to me, but instead of looking at Dean mirrors (going from dark to light - shadow to integration) I’d like to look at Rowena as Sam mirror this episode.

Sam is at a point where he’s going to have to deal with some deeply buried memories of Hell and of Lucifer, as well as some deeply repressed fears of his idea of being tainted by the devil, if he’s to heal the wounds of his past.

In 13x12, Sam’s conversation with Rowena in Baby revealed that he’s scared all the time, pushing his fear down because it’s necessary, not talking about it because, basically, it’s private/he doesn’t know how to. How can anyone relate to the fear he carries around? Only someone who’s seen Lucifer’s true face would know.

But Lucifer - for better or worse - is Sam’s dark mirror, his shadow manifested, and all the sides to himself that he’s tried for so long to pretend aren’t a part of him, out of fear that they are all that there truly is to him, should begin to surface so that he has to face them, only to look them in the eye and realise that they don’t hold sway over him, because he’s learned, throughout this journey he’s been on, what matters to him, deep down, what he stands for and what he believes in.

And, front and centre, Sam believes in saving innocent lives. Just as Dean and Cas, Sam is Protector and Shield first, Killer and Weapon second.

I believe Sam needs to lose his so tightly held and finely tuned control over himself, his ability to push things down, in order to reach proper self-liberation and move into self-actualisation and inner balance. What better way for him to lose it than through a possession. Very intrigued to see what that flash of black eyes from the Godwound might bring us. And Sam is still wounded, lest we forget, so there is still some healing to be done here.

So the symbology of having to kill Rowena then becomes Sam killing someone mirroring his fear, his memories of Lucifer, and this mirror then falling into the Pit through a gaping wound in the ground, bringing back thoughts of Sam’s first sacrifice that brought him to the cage and started his entire journey into true self-repression.

I see the symbology as calling out Sam’s need to stop pushing things down, to stop burying them, but also, through him being the only person who can kill Rowena (face and integrate his fears) the symbology becomes an underlining of how he, and he alone, holds the power to heal his wounds.

We shall see how it develops, but I have all the hope that it’s going someplace good, that we’re moving towards healing for all of them. And nope still not expecting rainbows and daffodils galore but... a few rainbows would be so nice.

Understated rainbows. In sort of washed out colours. On the wall of a lake house. Mayhaps?

(come back, Jack) (we miss you!)

#spn meta #spn speculation #spn 15x03 #first impressions #spn spoilers #cas #dean #sam #character progression #I wanted to add gifs but #I'll be late for work so #all words it is #:)#xx

149 notes · View notes

kyber-kisses · 5 years

Text

Too Soon ( Part.7 )

Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: angst- like so much angst. Spoilers for 15x01,15x02.

Summary: What if Jack had killed the reader instead of Mary? Y/n struggles with some news and Dean hears whispers of an unknown woman in town.

A/n: this bitch is going to drag this series out for as long as she can before she crumbles under the weight of all the angst. I’m trying to make longer chapters you guys but it’s hella hard. I also like feeding you cliffhangers so 🤷‍♀��. Get ready for some more.

You easily could have taken the easy route and just booked it into the woods behind the school, but instead your feet had guided you back to the parking lot. Why, why were you back here?

The final rays of sunlight were splitting through the tree line as if they were giving a last hurrah before letting darkness settle over the landscape. It was getting colder, a slight breeze picking up and sending the first fallen leaves of the year dancing across the pavement. You shivered, rubbing your hands across your biceps in a failed attempt to warm up.

A sudden thought popped into your head making you smile. Checking to make sure the parking lot was empty of people, you weaved through the collection of cars, headed towards a certain one in particular.

For as long as you could remember you had kept an extra flannel folded and tucked away in the impala in case you ever needed a clean one, or forgot to pack one in general. You prayed it was still in there.

You kept low as you walked around the car, padding your pockets and praying Billie had sent you down here with your key-chain. You let out a sigh of relief as your fingers hooked around the object in your pant pocket.

Dean had gifted you the extra set of keys years ago as a sign of how much he trusted you. If he could trust you with Baby he could trust you with anything. But it wasn’t like he let you drive or anything. Dean was the sole driver of Baby, everyone knew that. He always said that if anything ever happened to him, he wanted you to have her. You always argued, saying Sam should have the car, but Dean always countered with the fact that Sam would mess her up.

You let yourself get lost in the memory as you rolled the key-chains in your hand. There were exactly four of them. One for each member of your family. A set of wings for Cas, a dog for Sam, a little light-saber for Jack, and a cowboy boot for Dean.

Checking once more to make sure you were the only person in the parking lot, you squatted down, placing the key in the drivers side door and listening to the oh so familiar click of the door being unlocked. Easing the door open slowly, you ducked your head into the car, eyes scanning for your flannel. It was usually tucked away in the back underneath the rear window, but you were surprised to find it neatly folded and sitting in the center of the front seat.

Your eyebrows knitted together as you leaned over, plucking it off the leather seat. Weird. You quickly threw it on, pulling your arms through the sleeves. It somehow still smelled like your peach body wash and coconut lotion, which was definitely surprising, seeing as it had been sitting in the impala.

*. *. *. *.

Dean tugged on his jacket, reaching for the keys to Baby which lay idle on the table next to him.

“Sam, you ready to head back out?” His voice bouncing off the walls as he called across the hall for his brother. Sam shouted a response before appearing in the threshold, a duffel bag slung over his shoulder. “ you got the rock salt?”

“When do I ever forget the rock salt Dean?” Sam breathed, rolling his eyes as he adjusted the strap.

“ Right. Let’s just get going. Cas and Bel are busy working on another temporary solution for this whole ghost force field thingy.” Dean flipped his keys as he began walking down the hallway. He was stopped short as he rounded the corner, almost bumping into a woman.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t see you there.” Dean apologized, reaching a hand out to help steady her. The woman let out a light chuckle, placing a hand over her chest.

“You are the second person Ive bumped into today.” She laughed, “ did that woman ever find you?” She asked, a slight tilt to her head. Deans eyebrows knitted together in confusion, turning to share the same look with Sam.

“What woman?” He questioned, taking a step closer. She shrugged her shoulders, looking at the two men.

“ Never got a name. Short choppy hair? Looked like she went ten rounds with a block of cement? She asked me where she could find you guys, had some questions apparently.” She finished. Dean looked to Sam, who only shrugged his shoulders.

“Doesn’t sounds like anyone we know. But thank you for telling us.” Dean nodded, letting the woman pass. Once she was out of earshot, The two brothers turned to each other. “Little weird, but okay.”

Dean shrugged his shoulders for what felt like the hundredth time before continuing his walk down the hallway towards the parking lot. For just a moment he let his mind wander. Could it have been you?

No. No it wasn’t you. You were dead and gone and he just had to accept that.

*. *. *. *.

You were pulled from your thoughts as a set of voices echoed through the parking lot as whoever was talking walked out the front doors of the school.

“I’m telling you Man, I feel like I keep seeing her everywhere I look. It’s like I’m being haunted.” Shit. That was Dean. You pulled your body out of the car, keeping low as you eased the door shut and locked it once more.

“Dean, Cas told you she was in Heaven. Her spirit isn’t here. You're just grieving and it’s making your mind see things that aren't there.” Sam countered, their voices growing closer.

“Whatever, lets just go figure out this ghost problem.”

You had been so invested in their conversation you had failed to move or look for a hiding place. You quickly whipped your head around, searching desperately for a place to go. Not having much choice, you threw yourself to the pavement, rolling underneath the SUV parked next to Baby.

You sucked in a breath as you watched a set of familiar boots walk by, stopping inches from where you lay. A little further away, another set could be seen. The massive shoes could only belong to one Sam Winchester. Dean on the other hand, well he was so close you could reach out and grab his ankle if you wanted to. But you didn’t. You lay quiet, listening to Dean flip through the keys in his hand. You rolled your eyes as the jingling continued.

It’s the square one Dean you quietly thought, rolling your eyes.

The faint click of the lock told you he had found it, and you smiled to yourself. Dean Winchester, ever the klutz. As the two slid into the car you could hear Sam start to speak up, only to be cut off by Dean.

“Okay, that’s a bit weird.” Dean paused. Even though you couldn’t see it, Dean was swirling his head around, looking at every inch of the cars interior. Sam let out a huff, looking at his brother.

“What?”

“Y/Ns flannel. I swear I left it right here. . .” Deans voice faded as he mentally questioned himself. He had kept it close ever since you died. It was the only thing that calmed him. The only thing that smelled like you. He wanted to smack himself. God, he sounded like a toddler who had lost his blankie.

“And what? You think someone broke into the Impala and stole it?” Sam mused, the faintest traces of a smile on his lips. Dean rolled his eyes, as he stuck his keys into the ignition.

“No!— of course not! That would be stupid. Plus, Baby was locked, just like I left her.” The slam of the door stopped you from hearing anymore of his words, the engine purring as Dean started the car.

Shifting further underneath the massive SUV you watched as Baby reversed out of her parking space, silently praying that neither brother would see you. You knew your plan had worked when the sound of the engine slowly faded. Once you knew you wouldn’t be spotted you rolled out of your hiding spot, popping up on your heels in the now empty parking spot.

You could see the glow of the tail lights as Dean stopped at the edge of the lot before turning right and heading off down the road, further into Town.

In that moment you should have taken your chance and run in the opposite direction, gotten a far away from everyone as possible. But it was like you were tethered to Dean, being pulled towards him with almost a magnetic like force. Billie had brought you back for a reason. She had given you a chance to see Dean again- you had to take it.

Your mind was made up then and there. You had to follow them.

It took you mere minutes to pick the lock of the nearest car and hot wire it, and then you were peeling out of the parking lot at a breathe taking speed and going in the direction you had seen Baby go.

Being so occupied, you failed to notice the figure in the rear view mirror watching as you left the parking lot. A figure in sunglasses that wore the body of one Jack Kline.

*. *. *. *.

You followed at a safe distance behind the Impala, taking all precautions to make sure you were not spotted. It was a good ten minutes before Baby came to a stop outside a classic looking suburban neighborhood. Quickly putting your own vehicle in reverse, you pulled back into the next street just enough to where you could safety watch them. Lucky for you, the sun had gone down and you kept your headlights off as you followed them. You had gone perfectly undetected since you left the school.

Your breath caught in your throat as you watched the doors of the Impala open, two figures stepping out into the street light. This was the first time you were really seeing them. Seeing Dean.

Even from a distance you could still see he was as handsome as ever. The outline of his face almost glowing in the light given off from the street lamp, his bow legs carrying him to the boot of the impala.

He carried himself differently though, it was easy to tell. His shoulders were more slumped, and his face had a broken look to it, even from far away. He looked tired. He looked sad.

You let out a sigh, resting your chin on the steering wheel as you watched them venture across the street. It broke your heart to see him this way— and yet you were to afraid to actually face him. His voice echoing in your head.

Was any of it real?

You could feel tears stinging your eyes as you took a deep inhale. Now was not the time. Your eyes followed the brothers as they crept into one of the vacant homes, sawed off shotguns raised and ready to fire. Your mind quickly shot back to what you had heard Dean say earlier. There was a ghost problem, right.

You quietly slid out of the hijacked vehicle, silently closing the door behind you. The neighborhood was a ghost town. Pun intended. And you needed to help. (preferably from the shadows, where no one would notice you.)

Your eyes fell on the House next to the one Sam and Dean had just entered, its garage door slightly open. Quickly racing across the street, you rolled underneath the partially open door and into the dark space. The only light coming from a plug in on the wall next to what could only be a work bench. The small light bathing the room in a vibrant blue.

Crossing over to the work bench you looked for anything that could help you defend yourself. Hammers, screwdrivers, multiple drills. None of these would work. There had to be something.

Spinning around you let your eyes wander across the space, until finally settling on a crowbar propped against the opposite wall. There it was. The perfect weapon for defense against ghosts. Pure iron and great for swinging .

Taking quick but light steps, you crossed the garage. Your fingers wrapping around the crowbar, it’s metal cool against the scrapes on your palms. You spun it in your hand, a smile on your face.

It was good to be back doing what your good at. It would be better though once you were back with your family.

Soon. You thought. Soon

Taglist:

@my-proof-is-you @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @a-crowd-of-newsies @iluvyewman-blog @a-dorky-book-keeper @heyyy-hey-babyyy @orphiceseum @greenarrowhead @thevelvetseries @silver-winter-wolf @carryon-doctor-lock @ryansgirl5509

#dean winchester #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #supernatural #supernatural imagine #supernatural x reader #spn x reader #spn imagine

137 notes · View notes

offbrand-outlaw · 5 years

Text

Van der Linde Gang, but they're sick because I am

I haven't been feeling well, so obviously that means the gang can't feel well either.

It's Micah's fault. Everyone is mad at him.

The older people in camp are some of the first ones to go down. Uncle in particular makes a big show of it, he complains all about his aches and pains...nonstop.

Strauss is grumpy the whole time and is regularly caught glaring at Swanson (because he gave it to him) but they stay close during the recovery period. Swanson has a habit of mumbling incoherently and Strauss just nods along.

Everything in camp really falls apart when Hosea and Grimshaw get sick. Dutch is so busy hovering over Hosea he ends up getting sick pretty fast too. Dutch, like Uncle, is a bit of a drama queen about it and he snuggles up real close to Hosea and talks about The Good Old Days like they're dying.

Hosea is miserable because, even when they're sick, Dutch just never stops talking. When he isn't talking? He's asleep and snoring right in Hosea's ear.

Arthur goes down next, he had been helping Dutch take care of Hosea. He knows at this point whatever the sickness is it's contagious so he confines himself to bed. Lots of rest for this cowboy!

John goes down and drags Jack and Abigail down with him. Abigail is suffering because both of them are whining hardcore and can't handle being sick. Lots of family snuggles though so she figures she can deal with it.

When Javier gets sick everyone knows because he's very upset about it. He makes a deal to kind of go off on everyone about cleanliness and all that. Even so, he finds playing soft music is enough to help him and the others relax enough to get some sleep.

Tilly and Mary-Beth make stew after Pearson gets sick. He appreciates their help and he tells them about some extra goods to throw in to help fill everyone up. Though, not long after Tilly and Mary-Beth both get sick too after they hand everyone their stew. They kind of regret bring so helpful.

Molly and Karen are mad about being sick and they're constantly bickering about who got who sick. They're caught taking power naps together.

Kieran didn’t realize why he didn’t feel good until it was too late. Sean and Lenny found him by the horses, and dragged him over to an extra bedroll so he didn’t have to sleep in the dirt. He ended up getting them sick and he felt bad, but they didn’t care because they were just happy he was more comfortable now. They spend the time together looking after each other and trying to make each other life so even though they aren’t feeling too well at least they aren’t totally miserable.

Sadie is, somehow, the only person who doesn’t get sick. She kind of looks after everyone and makes and effort to check in on Arthur, Jack, and Abigail often. Seeing everyone so sick reminds her of the times she had to look after Jake and it kind of makes her sad but she tries not to dwell on it.

Charles ended up getting sick because he looked after Arthur. Since Arthur doesn’t ask for help when he needs it, he was the one to care for him. He isn’t as sick as everyone else, who are all mostly bedridden, so he kind of makes sure everyone pulls through. He doesn’t mind being sick all that much because he and Arthur can get down time together without having to leave camp for some peace and quiet.

Bill gets sick the worst. For some reason, even after everyone else is okay, he is bedridden for at least three more days and he can’t really get out of bed without help. He is very quiet and he doesn’t like people seeing him this way, but there isn’t much he can do about it so he just doesn’t say much. Cain hovers around him and people are actually nicer so he’s grateful he has people to look after him when he’s not in shape. Micah swings by to tease him and Hosea scolds and shoos him away. Bill is almost in tears.

Josiah wandered into camp, saw everyone sick, and ran as fast as he could. It didn’t matter because when he got home, his boys were sick and ended up getting him sick too. He helped his wife look after them while he could but after a while he had to crawl into bed with them and be looked after too. He is kind of a baby when he’s sick so his wife teased him mercilessly about it.

210 notes · View notes

nxtritething · 4 years

Text

TASK001 : MUN QUESTIONNAIRE

name / alias : caro / care / carebear gender / pronouns : female / she&her where ya from ? : u s of a . orig n y c. the current time : 9 pm ( when i started? ) , 1 pm ( when i finished ) job or major : i majored in mechanical engineering and math. no, i canno favorite thing ( s ) about yourself : i have some good one-liners.

why you joined hqclouds : ... i helped make it. also its felt like a long while since i got to play some of my favorite babes, and i just missed them, so i obviously had to jump at an opportunity to bring them back !!!

meaning behind url : it’s uh...... next right thing , as in anna’s big song in frozen 2. and i just felt it like, FIT.

last thing you googled : zac efron high school musical gif icons, bc i wanted to use for this, but then that account was flagged as adult content and i guess those beloved gifs are lost to the void now...

zodiac : pisces in your opinion , does your sign suit you ? : yes. i am a crying fish. also i’m a pisces venus. it makes a LOT of sense. myers - briggs : istj ??? i think?? moral alignment : i can be chaotic good, but mostly neutral neutral i think hogwarts house : i used to be a slytherin, now i’m a hufflepuff. idk what happened to me.

three fictional character ( s ) you see yourself in + why : uhhhh... 1) bubbles from powerpuff girls. because i am baby. 2) juliet o’hara from psych. i’ve just been rewatching a lot of psych and i love how she’s such a serious yet funny / soft and idk why i just relate to that. 3) john mulaney in mulaney. because this is a cop-out to say i relate to anything / everything john edmund mulaney every does.

i started roleplaying : i first started on some fourms ??? on an app on my itouch ??? but my first tumblr rp group was percy jackson and everyone though i was this all knowing pjo fan... when really i was just fast to look shit up on the wikia. i had never read a single page of the series. types of rps i enjoy : fandoms, typically ! i used to be exclusively love animated roleplays? like cartoons? but then i transitioned to musicals? like, exclusively playing musical characters??? at this point, tara is like the one exception nowadays... favorite fcs to use : um... olivia holt is a recent fave? joshua basset, also. my old faves are mary kate wiles and hunter parrish tho. real old. otherwise, i don’t know if i’d say i get attached to fc’s? fandom ( s ) you’d like to write in : i kinda wanna go back to some of my cartoon roots, maybe? i really haven’t deviated from the same 8 - 9 mostly musical characters in literally years... fandom ( s ) you aren’t in but are curious about : um... the raven cycle , miraculous ladybug , uh..... everything else. i’m so randomly interested in everything.

share a funny roleplay horror story : my favorite is when i was in a youtuber rpf / oc rp, and this girl... made an oc... and made the fc... herself. she made a literal self-insert oc. with herself as the face. like low-res gifs of herself. why, you ask? i think she was trying to ship herself with dan howell. that didn’t age well, did it?

favorite canon muse ( s ) to play : do i just list all the characters i’ve been playing for literal years? my recent faves are katherine plumber from newsies and princess anna. favorite original muse ( s ) to play : i had a hunter parrish oc. he was in both the pjo and youtube rp. he was obsessed with hanging out with trees and pranks. don’t ask me why. canon ships you can’t help but love : kristoff / anna , jack kelly / katherine plumber , jake peralta / amy santiago , orpheus / eurydice , && donny novitski / julia trojan. yes, most of these are musicals. who doesn’t love a good love ballad? trope ( s ) you tend to be guilty of : uhh... adorkable, one of the boys, badass adorable

i prefer . . . angst , smut , or fluff : i am a massive sucker for fluff, but i’m so guilty of angst... i love pain. i don’t really do smut tho. sorry. long or short replies : i generally prefer short replies, unless we’ve somehow developed a thread into something long. or i’m feeling particularly inspired. pre plotting or chemistry : i love chemistry with all my heart, but sometimes it’s fun to plot past connections that can reignite? idk. mostly chemistry sentence starters or headcanon memes : headcanon memes, because im never creative to turn a sentence starter into something that makes sense, esp between two characters who don’t know each other. single muse or multimuse blogs : multimuse, because i spent too many years reblogging replies to the wrong sideblog and those days are over !!! gif icons , medium gifs , or static icons : i prefer gif icons for shorter replies and medium gifs for longer ones... or whatever my partner is using. i like some sort of consistency.

grab the book nearest to you and pull a quote from it : ‘ what’s the rush? ’ repeat this phase when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed out. ask yourself whether somethings really needs doing immediately. are you ignoring your needs in order to do it? - the little book of sloth philosophy.

what’s a quote or song lyric that speaks to your soul ? : “ did you fall? or did you let go? ” - connor murphy to evan hansen, dear evan hansen. ( idk why this immediately jump to mind but... )

top current celebrity crushes : jeremy jordan, corey cott, jordan fisher, claire saffitz, brian david gilbert. last movie you watched : bridal boot camp did you like it ? : yes. i loved it. it’s absolute garbage and i loved it. favorite movie ( s ) of all time : idk but i can always rewatch prince of egypt. godspell favorite tv show ( s ) of all time : uhh.... i keep rewatching psych. favorite tv show ( s ) that hasn’t ended : brooklyn nine-nine, zoey’s extraordinary playlist. sports team ( s ) you rep : uh... grew up in a yankee / mets household. favorite video game ( s ) : pokemon, animal crossing favorite youtube channels : drew gooden, danny gonzalez, jenna marbles.

put your music on shuffle. what six songs pop up ? :

greased lightin’ from grease live ; oh mother by hunter parrish ; nerds by bo burnham ; a miracle would happen / when you come home to me from the last five years ; just another day from next to normal ; who tells your story from hamilton mixtape.

i haven’t listened to any of these in forever, but i am still, indeed, musical theater trash.

personal aesthetic : demin overalls, scrunchies, the color teal, big stuffed animals. dream vacation ? : somewhere beautiful with people i love. dream job ? : perhaps like designing custom 3D prosthetics dream car ? : i hate driving, but a big ol’ truck. like suv. big one. favorite musical : gospell, dear evan hansen, bandstand, newsies, shrek the musical, mamma mia, i could go on... unwatched stuff in your netflix / hulu / etc : sailor moon crystal, crash landing on you, locke & key, all the bright places, the half of it, younger, meteor, hello my twenties ...

what’s a subject you know too much about + never get tired of talking about ? : musicals. so many musicals. i know both know too much and not enough.

#cloud:task #cloud:ooc #「 ooc 」♪ ˙ ˖ ♬ ❝ wait... what? ❞

14 notes · View notes

nellie-elizabeth · 4 years

Text

Supernatural: The Trap (15x09)

Whaaaat did I just watch though? That made me... so happy? In the sad way? You know. You get it.

Cons:

I understand that the actress playing Eileen can't be in all the rest of the episodes, but I'm still sad to see her leave. It reminds me of Mary leaving, after her resurrection - just a plotty excuse to get a certain actor out of the show for a while. I wish it wasn't necessary. Eileen had better be in several more episodes, and she had better f**king live. That's all I'm sayin'.

Jared and Jensen were clearly having fun playing vampires, which is good for them, but it was a little too cheesy for my taste. Especially when Vamp!Sam got shot and Vamp!Dean attacked Jody. That should have been actually moving - this idea that even as a monster, Dean would go berserk watching Sam die. But instead I was too distracted by Dean's silly monster attack face. It's a small thing, but still.

Pros:

So let's start with the Purgatory stuff. This whole subplot was really just an excuse for Dean to emotionally apologize to Cas, and you know what? I am not mad about it. Really, it's a simple quest - get in, find magic flower, get out, create weapon to trap Chuck. So instead of watching two people hunt monsters, grab a flower, and get the hell out of dodge, we focus on the emotional aspect of this relationship.

First off, I love that Dean and Cas have to go into Purgatory knowing that Chuck has Eileen and Sam. You can see how torn Dean is, how every instinct is telling him to run to his brother immediately. But Cas is done caving to whatever Dean wants. He's scared for Sam too, but he knows that the only way to defeat Chuck is to follow through on Michael's plan. Once they're there, Dean is continually pissy, and Cas just doesn't have time for it. He scoffs at Dean's suggestion that they split up, and then later, as they are following their captive Leviathan to the flower they need, we get the exchange that everyone is already talking about: "You left." "I left, but you didn't stop me." Like... excuse me? That's the most... that's just... how is that not two exes being angry and bitter and heartbroken with each other? It was so much!

And then they get separated, and Dean searches for him. When there's only thirty minutes left until the rift closes, he realizes that he might have to leave Cas behind in Purgatory. For the second time. I love everything that goes unspoken here, because I truly believe that Dean would stay in Purgatory, and miss his chance to go home, to keep looking for Cas. But he can't do that, because Chuck has Sam. The prayer was... it was a lot. I know some people were disappointed and wanted some big declaration of love, but my expectations have always been pretty low when it comes to Destiel content.

So... to see Dean pray to Cas, literally fall to his knees part way through that prayer, to see him apologize, to see him say "of course I forgive you" and "you're my best friend," to see him acknowledging his own anger and how he takes it out on Cas, and how that isn't fair... I was overwhelmed. And Jensen really didn't pull any punches with the emotional nature of his reaction. We've seen a lot of dramatic angst speeches from Dean over the years - it's one of the show's trademarks. This isn't even the first time we've seen one of these speeches that's mostly about Cas. But this one isn't the typical "single man tear" type. Dean is openly weeping, his voice cracking as he repeats "I hope you can hear me." He thinks he might be saying goodbye to Cas forever, and it's so fucking powerful.

And that hug! Cas waiting by the rift for the last possible second, Dean planning to do the same, and then - they're reunited, and Cas got what they came for in the first place! I loved the hug, I loved Cas telling Dean: "I heard your prayer." It's just so - intimate. Dean praying to Cas is intimate, and it always has been, and it kind of drives me bonkers that it even exists.

Benny being dead was an interesting choice... they got the actor to come back for at least one scene, so it's odd not to see him here. That said, I appreciated that the writers didn't forget about him. Of course Dean would ask. And we also see Cas offering his sympathies, which leads in to their snippy exchange.

Let's go ahead and turn to the main plot of the night... Chuck systematically breaking Sammy's heart and fortitude. I am eMOTIONAL right now. I love that Chuck uses Eileen to cut Sam, that is just so dark and twisted and awful, and I felt so bad for both of them. But this isn't enough to break Sam Winchester, of course.

So Chuck tries a different tack, showing Sam what will happen if Dean and Cas swoop in and save the day, and defeat Chuck. The grim reality of the future is this: without God in place to keep balance, the monsters will start to take over the world, and Sam and Dean will not be able to stem the tide. That's the big picture, and it's what Chuck eventually explains to Sam... but in the immediate reality of it, Sam can only focus on the fact that their allies will slowly die around them - Donna and the girls, leaving Jody bereft, Eileen, leaving Sam bereft... even Cas gets buried in the box because the Mark turned him dark-side. And that at the end of all of this, Sam wants to go out swinging, while Dean wants to give up. It ends with Sam and Dean becoming vampires, and Jody and Bobby coming along to take them out once and for all. That's the reality waiting at the end of the line, if Chuck is defeated.

I hate to talk more about Destiel (haha no I don't), but I just have to point out that Dean identifies the moment when he lost all hope as the moment when he had to bury Cas. That's true love, baby! And Sam's increasingly frantic energy was really tough to watch, especially when we know that in this imagined future, Sam and Eileen formed a real relationship, and then he lost her. We start off this whole future by seeing Sam, Eileen, Dean, and Cas all apparently living together in the bunker, researching for cases, having movie nights... and then Jody calls to tell them that Claire is dead, and that's what starts the nightmare spiral.

And it gets worse than that - if Chuck is defeated, this is the apparent outcome. If Chuck isn't defeated, we go back to the whole "Cain and Abel" thing, where Sam and Dean are destined to kill each other. Chuck informs Dean, after Dean and Cas show up to save the day, that these weren't Chuck's planned endings. They were other versions of Sam and Dean, other ways that their story ended over the many different versions of Earth that Chuck has created.

Well, that's grim. I really enjoyed tracking the idea of "hope" as it's presented in this episode. Sam refuses to let Chuck get to him for a really long time, but one of the reasons that he loses hope, ultimately, and doesn't trap Chuck, is because he sees this future where Dean loses hope. Where instead of going out like Butch and Sundance, you have Sam basically forcing Dean to continue hunting, by threatening to go into reckless fights by himself. Of course Dean would never let Sam do that, even though he's lost his heart for hunting because his husband is gone. But then in our current reality, we see that Sam has lost hope, but Dean has not. Even as Chuck says that the dark ending is inevitable, Dean says no. Not this Sam. Not this Dean.

It's so fascinating, because it was Dean earlier this season who said that he couldn't even tell what was real anymore, but now, with his relationship with Cas newly repaired, he seems to have hit his second wind. He'll hold the torch of optimism while Sam cannot.

Eileen and Sam finally kissed, and of course they had to make it bittersweet! She needs some time away, she can't stay when she's so uncertain about what's real anymore. Chuck has manipulated their relationship, bringing them back together in order to prove a point. And that sucks, and it feeds in to Sam and Dean's fears about their free will... but it doesn't mean that Eileen and Sam's feelings for each other aren't real. I have hopes that Eileen will grapple with that off screen, and come back to help kick some ass by the time the finale roles around. Also the kiss was really sweet and soft and I want Sam to be happy SO BAD.

One final note: Sam didn't crush the magic orb thingy that was supposed to trap Chuck, making Dean and Cas' harrowing trip to Purgatory pointless. I was worried that this would cause a rift between the brothers, but instead, when Sam says that he believes Chuck's vision of the future, and how bad things will get without him around, Dean just says: "that's good enough for me." I love the fact that they are on the same page, and that here going into the endgame, we can have a united front.

One final final note: It looks like Jack is making a return! Place your bets now - will Jack replace Chuck as God, restoring balance and allowing our heroes the chance to defeat our ultimate Big Bad? I gotta say, I don't hate that as an ending to the show!

9.5/10

#review #supernatural #supernatural review #spn #spn 15x09

10 notes · View notes