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dyke-pollinator · 11 months

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Im in the mood for a story

Im a little drunk and im in the mood to share a story with yall of when I was out living in Nevada. This was back in 2017 or so.

This story requires some backstory so please indulge me.

I was a crew leader, managing a group of 4-9 people ranging from 18-23 ( I was 24 at the time). Part of that meant helping them integrate into the new location they moved to (Reno, Nevada) despite living out of my car at this time.

One of my crew members, who I will call Shawn, was...... Interesting to say the least. He was a pretty interesting person, but was definitely way too interested in falling in love while on this job.

So while he was out with some other members on their off week, he confessed his feelings for another crew member who turned him down. He proceeded to seriously harm himself. So now, on my crew, I had to manage that shit and make sure he wasn’t a risk to himself. Because of course this motherfucker was on my crew and technically my responsibility.

Everything was basically fine. Shawn and the other member barely interacted and we were learning a lot about how to cut down trees safely.

During one of our hitches (time in the field) where we were building cattle fences on the border of Utah, this bitch decided he wanted to go for a walk. So idk if you know what the middle of no where Utah looks like but its basically the same as this for 100 miles in every directions

Barely any geographic features. Insanely easy to get lost.

We had a rule where if you were gonna split off from the group, you had to let the crew lead (me) know, and you had to explicitly say where you were gonna go. He decided he wanted cell phone signal one night, and told no one where he was going.

He got lost. In the middle of the desert. I need you to understand how horrifying that is. There’s nothing out there. You can walk for 200+ miles (350km) in any direction and find literally nothing. Especially on the Nevada / Utah border.

By 8pm we were all wondering where he was till a random person was like “Oh he went that was looking for signal”. Like wtf? Excuse me? We searched in the direction he went for like 4 hours before we called emergency services & our organization that was gonna send out reinforcements to help us look.

We parked our giant truck on the top on the highest hill around us, with our high beems on, and blared on the horn all night, hoping that he was going to find his way back to us. He never did.

We spent 38 hours looking for this person, and since we all knew his history, we legitimately thought he was dead.\

The next day we had the whole BLM (Bureau of Land Management) looking for him. They were about to call in the fucking helicopters.

Now, this next part is gonna sound like some bullshit I just made up but I stg it is true. My dumbass forgot to restock the first aid kit. My co-lead got stung by a bee / wasp while we were doing a grid search, and for the first time in his life, he had a major allergic reaction that none of the leftover meds we had would take down.

So we had to take him into town (an approximately 15 mile drive on back roads) and I did it since I was one of the few that was allowed to drive our trucks.

This motherfucker, Shawn, literally stumbled across the road while I was driving my co-lead into to town. Idk how the fuck he found this road. Idk how the fuck his timing was absolutely perfect. But we found him. After 56 hours when all of us thought he was already dead.

We would have NEVER found him if not for this random happenstance. Some divine power wanted this kid alive I swear. Its some of the most insane shit I have ever experienced.

And here’s the kicker: THIS HAPPENED ON THE 3RD DAY OF AN 8 DAY PROJECT AND THEY MADE ALL OF US FINISH OUR WORK INCLUDING THE DUDE THAT WAS LAST FOR THAT LONG

The moral is never trust Non-profit organizations. They dont give a fuck about you.

And if yall wanna head this story from Shawn’s perspective just lmk I am happy to share it.

#my posts #Iris story time #enjoy babe #I got plenty more where this came from.#This is 100% real #I fucking wish I was joking

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mazeinthemiroh · 2 years

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Hiii! Before i request I hope you're doing well and you're talking care of urself 💞. Okay, so this might be a bit of a weird rqst but im on my period n i just thought of if my tampon gets stuck 🥲so i wonder how skz would react for you told them that happend, as a prank. Keep in mind, if this topic makes you feel a kinda way, you dont have to do it but if you agree, take your time. Thank you Stay😭💞

stray kids reaction when their s/o plays a tampon prank

genre: crack, suggestive?

word count: 0.8k

warnings: mentions of periods/tampons (obviously), cursing

author's notes: don't worry this topic doesn't make me feel uncomfy! as a pad-wearer, i have only ever heard of such concerns with tampons. i think i would share the same concern if i used them, and i know you're not alone in feeling this way. anyways, hope you enjoy this!

bangchan

best boy channie did research on periods and sanitary products because, you know, he loves you and wants to be well equipped with the knowledge to help you out! so when you tell him your tampon is stuck he's concerned. he starts packing an emergency bag full of idk sanitary products, medicine, snacks and a stuffed toy probably. "we need to go to the hospital, now" he will say and grab your hand, dragging you to the door. "chan i was only joking" you say with a chuckle as you pull him back. he stares at you in disbelief "why?? oh my gosh y/n seriously, you got me all concerned!"

minho

your first mistake is ever thinking you can prank lee minho. "babe my tampon is stuck." "oh." oh? wdym oh??? you try and keep your cool because you know he knows lee knows about tampons so his lack of response kinda pisses you off. "that's bad." "well no shit-" "anyways want to order some pizza," he says with a very nonchalant expression. throughout this whole time he hasn't looked up from his phone once. "do you not care about me," you say, half angry half sad, giving him a pouty voice. "i know you're lying you idiot. i always know when you're lying because you suck at it."

changbin

he takes it as a challenge tbh. "do you want me to help? i might be able to get it out." "wtf no???? no way." "WHAT I'M JUST SAYING I'M STRONG, IT MIGHT BE WORTH A TRY??" he says defensively, before folding his arms and looking thoughtfully, trying to scan his mind and figure out a solution. "well what do we do?" he says with a slight pout, mad at himself for not knowing how to solve this. with changbin you manage to string the prank out for a long time until he finally catches on that your lying. then he just looks at you like -_- while you laugh at him.

hyunjin

this drama llama is malfunctioning big time. "are you gonna die??? oh my god, oh my god." he shoots up from his seat and starts flapping about the room like a maniac. it takes everything in you not to burst out laughing. grabs the phone to call the emergency services because he doesn't know what else to do?? "hyunjin stop!! don't do that, you crazy person!!" "but yo-" "i was only joking. it was a prank!" you say to him with wide eyes, a nervous giggle coming from your lips. let's just say it takes a couple of hours for pouty hyunne to stop sulking.

han

he kinda freaks out about anything to do with periods. anytime you mention something period-related he's a bit 😖 not because he is ignorant or anything, it's just a bit out of his comfort zone for now. so when you tell him your tampon is stuck, he's a bit like :0 doesn't really know how to react. "o-oh, uh... that's... that's great honey." "wha- no jisung its a bad thing 🧍" "OHHHH oh no that's not good i'm so sorry baby :(" you end up just laughing your ass off at his totally random reaction.

felix

your superior acting skills make it seem like it's a really bad situation and felix is obviously super concerned, poor baby :( he feels so unprepared for this but also so ready to help. will do anything for you, just say the word. "does this mean you have to go to the doctor? i will come with you :(((" his kindness and worry makes you instantly regret doing this prank on him because it wasn't worth seeing him so concerned and upset. you must give him lots of cuddles and kisses when you tell him it's a prank, and tell him he's the best boyfriend ever <33333

seungmin

he's honestly more confused than anything else. will keep asking question after question about this. "so it's stuck?" "yep." "how did that even happen?" "it just did. the string broke, it happens sometimes." "but it's dangerous isn't it? it needs to come out." "that's correct." then he's just like 🧍‍♂️ he has no idea what to do so just stays silent for a bit, sort of avoiding eye contact with you while he stares off into the distance. you end up rolling your eyes and just telling him, and he does not look impressed!

jeongin

jeongin doesn't have much experience with periods in general. like he certainly knows they exist but other than that his knowledge is pretty limited. so when you come to him all like "my tampon won't come out", at first he's like wtf is a tampon?? and then clocks that it's something to do with your period and he's like, "oh... is that... a bad thing? it's a bad thing right?" and you just look at him like?????? "yk what nevermind," you sort of give up on the whole prank.

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notsuch · 1 year

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Wanna write Junkers but dont know Aussie shit?

Writing a Junker for non-Aussies, some shit that will make it hit just right instead of half-assing it by writing arvo and calling it done:

the outback is a conceptual area, not a physical place, you cannot put "outback" into a gps and find it, but you can drive two hours out of your city and hit it. the outback can be a green lush rainforest or the outback can be red sand deserts. the point is, it's further away from where you are now and there is fewer people. A park is not the outback, but you can go "out back" to a park to infer its distance from your house.

the most aussie thing about junker queen, junk rat and roadhog is that shirts are a suggestion, not a requirement. if we dont have to wear full tops, we don't. no, that's not just blizzard going "lets show off half naked ppl", in many towns, especially on the coast, they have to enforce a "no shirt, no shoes? no service." rule, it gets that bad.

we also constantly get skin cancer, all the time. everyone. the australian sun has more uv in it than anywhere else in the world AND I DOUBT THAT GOT BETTER WITH ALL THE FREAKING RADIATION EVERYWHERE NOW. It doesn't matter your heritage, black, white, asian, you live in australia? you're getting skin cancer.

no this still does not mean we put on shirts. you'd think that change it, but no. wrong. fuck shirts. fuck pants too. scratch shoes probably while you're at it. ow my feet are burning on the hot pavement? TOO BAD SUCK IT UP. Shorts and a tank top if you really have to push it, but a bikini top at all times is perfectly acceptable for women.

but put on a fucking hat and sunscreen, you complete buffon, what are you, a tourist, not putting on a HAT? always put on a hat. DYOU WANT TO GET SKIN CANCER, HONESTLY,,,,,, but also we suck at putting on hats, just your parents yelled at you to do it and you tell others to do it and always have a hat on hand.

shirt exceptions: if you're in sydney or melbourne. they like, have actual standards about business dress. they even wear three piece suits and shit. my soul died just thinking about it. but even then,,,,, ehhhhh, if its summer, people get /hand wobbles, vague about shirt requirements. ive watched foreign business people see what sydney calls business dress and go EVERYONE HERE IS INFORMAL so like, its more dressed up than the rest of australia, but still probably more dressed down than half the world lmao.

they're call "sydneysiders" and everywhere else takes any reason to trash talk them at every opportunity. we all hate sydney. people who have never been to sydney hate sydney. sydney hates sydney: north sydney hates west sydney, west sydney hates east sydney and so on. everyone who lives in sydney wishes they didn't. fuck sydney. if you cant think of anything to say that's neutral, you can always just slander sydney and it'll be a fairly positive-neutral conversation. i can garuntee Junkers will be sitting there shoving radiated dirt into their horrendous bullet wounds, missing fingers, barely scraping alive, living in the literal apocalypse, and especially be like MAN AT LEAST IM NOT IN SYDNEY.

we call the brits 'Poms' and americans 'Seppos'. If you are talking to a Sydneysider, you can mutually hate on both of these groups. Poms more so. We hate the English. It's not active, btw, we aren't the yanks out here having national pride about a war or something, no, its a passive, low grade, mocking tone at all times about them. Ireland, Scotland and Wales are ok tho, we like them just fine. Just the Brits.

you are not allowed to openly state something is wrong, if its actually seriously fucked up, you have to understate it. for real my own mother was in a small flight plane that had to make an emergency landing in a farmer's field and the farmer came out and said 'bit of trouble mate?' as literal smoke was spewing out of the engine block and the pilot went 'reckon she'll be right in a bit', and everyone sat around having a beer.

except for the weather, you are always, at all times, allowed to complain about the weather. its too hot. its too cold. why is it so humid, why is it so dry. "hows this weather we're having?" is a normal conversation starter to make small talk and also just kill five minutes in line at [sports venue of the choice]. I can physically hear the two fucking junkers in the line to the Scrapyard Arena being like 'man fuck this weather lately' as if it's not the 432432 day of burning hot dry desert irradiated heat that was exactly the same as the day before, and everyone will be 'no yeah bloody hell aye'

slab of beer is a defined currency once you are outside of cities. this is a 24xbeer cans. you can pay for services in beer.

when passing people, "hey" is only acceptable in busy settings, the rest of the time, we're so fucking talkative. people in cities can say 'hi', but outside its got to be the 'eyyy' 'g'day', 'hey bruz', it's always "hi, how ya going?" then a nod and response of "not bad, you?" if you have the time to answer, otherwise a nod with 'g'day gotta go' and an indication you're in a rush is perfectly acceptable. if there is time for it, this is when you go into complaining about the weather. not engaging in this process is ruder than swearing at each other.

a mad cunt and a sick cunt, are your best friends, or the dude at the party who brought the rum and you all cheer. a shit cunt is the worst person who ruined it for everyone by calling the cops because you shouldnt stick a ice box drink cooler on a lawnmower and ride it while drinking said rum. asshole.

the ice box drink is called an Esky, by the way. Not cooler. Esky.

NORTH IS HOT, ITS WHERE ALL THE CROCODILES N CASSOWARIES N SHIT ARE.

the south is cold and does actually get snow, aka the Snowy Mountains are in the south. Yes, we did name it that.

Tasmania (that one big island at the bottom lmao) is snowy and rainy and makes really good whiskey and is probably actually just fine b/c no one cares about it and is not connected to the mainland at all, they judge all "mainlanders".

THEY'RE NOT CALLED COWBOYS, THEY'RE CALLED STOCKMEN, OR JACKAROOS AND JILLAROOS.

Kangaroos are like asshole deer. You will not break them if you hit them, your car however is *completely* fucked.

WE DO NOT CALL THEM 'FARMS'. They are 'properties' or 'stations'. A 'cattle station' is an acceptable term. A sheep station. If you say 'a property' everyone knows you mean an agricultural piece of land, and that it's specifically many, many, MANY, thousands of kilometers long. If you call them farm, we instantly clock you as american or a rich city person who has a 'hobby farm'.

The person who OWNS many, many, many, many, MANY, thousands of miles of land and don't actually work it themselves, may call themselves Farmers, but the rest of us often clock them as rich fuckers because of that reason.

We are not afraid of spiders, snakes, kangaroos, jellyfish, whatever it is foreigners scream about this week, the way you think we are. We don't like them, (ok some of us do), but they just are, and we all got education lessons young about how to not be an idiot about them.

we are fucking with you, at all times, i'm an aussie and I am fucking with you right now. i can meet another aussie in a bar that i do not know, have never seen in my entire life, and make shit up on the spot to distress someone about some animal that does not exist, and the other australian without a fucking beat will IMMEDIATELY. JOIN IN. Junkrat will be tricking Brigette about the existence of Land Sharks and even if she wants to strangle him to death, Junker Queen will 100% back him on whatever the fuck he's saying.

#overwatch #overwatch 2 #junkertown #junkers #junkrat #roadhog

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reyski · 1 year

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short armin headcanons

helpppp meee im obsessed w him

pairing: armin x reader

media: attack on titan

warnings: suggestive content

notes: gender neutral reader!

➵ gets so mushy when you display any kind of affection towards him. you got him blushing and laughing all awkward even if you’ve been together for years.

➵ he’s so bad at hiding when he’s looking at you, thinks you can’t see when he’s doing a side eye.

➵ baby boy loves laying next to you with his head on your shoulder looking at whatever you’re looking at on your phone/laptop.

➵ talks about adopting a cat/dog with you nonstop until you finally cave and take a trip to an adoption center. from that day forward he always calls it “ the baby”

“hey have you seen the baby? i can’t find them anywhere”, or “oh my god come look at the baby right now theyre being so cute”

➵ constantly acts like an old man, especially when it comes to his morning routine. he dedicates a full 15 minutes each morning to having a cup of coffee, reading the newspaper, and eating his breakfast.

➵ ever since you got together he cannot shop without you, he needs your opinion on literally everything. drags you around the store with him to pick stuff out and gives you a little fashion show in the dressing rooms.

➵ he cant help falling asleep right after his head hits the pillows, he feels bad for not waiting for you to get in bed but he seriously cant help it.

➵ on the weekends he likes to make you both breakfast before you wake up. loves seeing you emerge from your room bed head and all when you smell the food.

➵ leads the way through the super market with his notepad of groceries with you trailing behind with the cart. always looks so engrossed while looking at all the options for everything.

➵ has a habit of letting his hair grow out until its basically unmanageable and you have to tell him to make an appointment. he just forgets, and doesn’t feel like taking a whole day just to get his hair trimmed. lowkey doesn’t trust the hairdressers

➵ naturally plush lips, he puts on a glob of aquaphor every blue moon and they just stay soft?? loves it when you run your finger tips over his lips.

➵ loves taking showers/baths with you just so that he can clean you up and wash your hair for you. takes such care and time when washing your body. acts of service goes hard.

➵ if you like sleeping separately, too bad, you’re literally going to have to pry this man off of you. he just loves to snuggle up on you.

➵ randomly texts you on his way home sometimes like, “do you want me to get you anything from that coffee place we went to last week” or “im at the deli a couple blocks from the house can i get you a sandwich?”

➵ cried so hard when you guys watched marley & me he had to leave the room

➵ hand makes you cards for every anniversary, they have everything from flowers, to animals, to you two on them. you have them all pinned up on the wall.

➵ steals your phone when you leave it open to look at your pinterest. one time he found a board with wedding rings and cakes and just about had the wind knocked out of him.

➵ sometimes purposefully works super late just so you’ll pull him off of his desk chair and into bed.

➵ has a secret savings account where he puts spare money for a vacation for you two.

➵ wears a little apron while he cooks.

➵ just wants you to know how much he loves you, and tells you at every chance he gets.

thank you for reading, love you all

#armin #armin arlert #armin x reader #aot #aot x reader #snk #snk x reader #armin arlet #armin fluff #armin headcanons #aot headcanons

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bittersweetblasphemy · 1 year

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very angry and rambly chronic illness vent under the cut. keep scrolling.

you know what. i recently saw a post that was disney princesses with service dogs, and i was shocked when the very first image in the set was of cinderella with a service dog for her fibromyalgia.

and like... i dont think i could say what that made me feel.

i have fibromyalgia. only my sister actually believes it. she's my only blood relative who doesn't think im just doing it or attention. even though i never bring it up unless someone starts getting rough with me (because in my family, people tend to be overly rough with forms of physical affection for some reason). my mother, who worships the ground a certain famous author walks on, only started admitting something might be wrong with me when it caused complications with my labor and i had to have an emergency cesarean without anesthetic.

i have lost jobs because of my inability to do certain tasks. i have been ridiculed by family members. i have been brushed aside by several doctors who would rather put me on medications for illnesses i dont have and have never had a single symptom of. i had a pain management doctor shake me because he didn't believe i was in pain. because i was young and didn't have any obvious injuries, even though by that point i finally had an official diagnosis.

a few years ago my husband and i stumbled across an estate sale where i found a cool deer hoof cane that i ended up purchasing because i thought it was cool looking. lo and behold it actually helped my pain. so i started to use it.

it didn't last long. between my family and regulars at my job (who had seen me walking without a cane before) eyeing it contemptuously, i quickly abandoned it. because clearly i could walk just fine without it. i suppress the need to limp. i have mastered the art of keeping a straight face when bending or reaching. no matter the pain. i was even able to hold still while i could feel myself being cut open behind the thin blue curtain. to them, my pain was invisible. and they would much prefer it remained invisible.

when i was five, i and all of my female classmates dressed up as princesses for halloween and went trick or treating together. i dressed up as cinderella.

and now here she was, depicted with the same chronic illness i now have. with a service dog.

no i know this is extremely ableist of me to say, but keep in mind that i was raised in a family where being sick in any capacity was a moral failing, and accommodations like canes, chairs, and service animals denoted a level of disability.

but a service dog in my mind is a much greater level of accommodation than a simple fucking cane.

can i be blamed that all i feel is bitter? yes, im glad that fibromyalgia and other pain disorders are being taken more seriously. but there is so much anger and resentment in me.

knowing i would be in this pain for the rest of my life, coupled with constant rejection, mocking, and isolation has dragged me into dark places multiple times. but none of those people ever cared about that. it's not even a thought in their heads while they call me back to back to wish me a happy birthday and wonder why im not picking up. i dont have it in me to put up my usual performance for them.

fuck that. and fuck all of them.

i bought myself a cane today. and the next person to give me shit is going to get hit with it.

#chronic illness #chronic pain #angry rant #if anyone fucking misgenders me over some of the information here i am going to fucking beat you with my cane #ableism #surgery mention #family problems #anger spiral

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imsupposedtobearesponsibleteen · 5 months

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I was put in a less than ideal situation and I'm mad about it

Hello, before I start telling you this story, quick tw; themes of suicide, self harm, bipolar disorder, and mental health services.

For the record, I have bipolar type 2, and I live with 3 girls. I'm a trans guy (this is relevant later, as is the next piece of information). For the past 5 weeks, my housemates have all been a little bit off. Couldn't put my finger one what, or why. this was, but they were. For the past 3 of those 5 weeks, the three of them have barely spoken to me, and the most I've managed to get out of them is "the next time you're in the living room, open the windows."

So, on Thursdays morning, i woke up to banging on my bedroom door and 2 men yelling. I check my phone, its 2am and I have 5 missed calls from a withheld number. At this point, I'm scared and confused, but know that if i don't answer my bedroom door, whoever is yelling is gonna come in my room (I have a funny thing about people in my room). I open my bedroom door to find 2 paramedics stood there. No hi, hello, no "we're here because of A, B, C," what I'm met with is "we know you have bipolar, are you taking your meds?"

At which point im like, what the hell? like what is this? whats going on? start from the beginning, what?

One of them then asks me if I know why they're there, and I'm like, well no, obviously, it's 2am and you've just woken me up whats happening?

The same guy then proceeds to tell me that the ambulance service have had a phone call from someone saying I was planning on taking my own life and that I was actively and "seriously" self harming (they were his words not mine, I don't believe that the way someone self harms or depth someone goes is a relevant factor in severity, but elitism in struggling i guess is where this guy was coming from?).

At which point i have to stand there and tell him I am fine, none of this is true and all of what he's been told is unfounded, baseless and a bit of a shock on top of the one I've already had.

The issue is, these paramedics are now doing a welfare check. They can't have me say "I'm fine" and then just leave at this point. So I'm put in the back of the ambulance and we sit there outside my house, and he does my obs. He starts to complain about how high my blood pressure and heart rate are, at which point I remind him of the situation that is currently happening to me and not him. I then have to speak to the crisis team and I get given a crisis appointment at 10:30 am.

I get on the bus at like, 8:15, but while I'm waiting, I send a message to the group chat for my house saying, "can someone please explain what the hell happened at 2am because I'm really confused and rattled."

I then have to explain the entire situation to them, who say that I shouldn't have been put through any of that. The only good thing that came out of me going there was figuring out that my GP had actually given me the wrong information about how to take 1 of my meds, so I'm happy about that so I can take it properly.

On my way back home, I get a reply. "We were concerned about your safety so rang 111 (non emergency general advice medical line in the UK) who told us to ring 999 (the UK solution to 911) so we did."

Bearing in mind that these people have bearly acknowledged my existence for the past month. Hardly. So I ask, "well, none of you have said you were concerned or anything really so like whats the deal? why didn't you ask?" They all see my message. Nobody responds. So I ask again, "none of you have expressed concern or worry, nobody gave me a heads up about the fact you'd rung 999 and Im very shaken and this entire thing could have been avoided if someone had asked, and none of you did, whats the deal?"

Turns out the three of my housemates and the rest of the wider friendship group have been talking about my mental health behind my back. One of them that I live with has admitted to going to university mental health advisors and other people about me and my mental health without talking to me first.

The exact quote "I didn’t decide to ring an ambulance out of the blue to traumatise you, I had been gathering professional advice for weeks on what to do, I met with a mental health advisor who told me to ring 111 asap and the rest was me following professional advice, I was doing what I was told was the correct procedure." In an earlier text she'd said, "I really hope you take on an active role in your own recovery and engage with the support from the uni."

A few things about these 2 statements; number one, I am receiving professional help from a psychiatrist and other professionals outside of the university, hence my bipolar diagnosis and stuff. There has been an assumption made that I'm not receiving help and I don't agree with it, and I can't quite tell if this comes from a place of "you're bipolar, why would you engage?" or if this comes from a place of "I haven't heard you talk about support in our 1 brief conversation about your bipolar so I'm assuming you dont have any." Either way, this comes off as passive aggressive, and shocking someone in a traumatic situation does not push them towards help, it can push them away from it.

Secondly, "I didn't do it to traumatize you." I'm telling you, you traumatized me. Intent isn't impact. The correct response to me telling you that's what you did is communication and acceptance, not deflection.

Thirdly. Lets not lose track that in all of this, i got the shock of my life on thursday morning, but my mental health has been a topic of discussion behind my back and without my consultation or consent for weeks. Nobody bothered to to tell me what was going on for weeks. I feel violated and like I can't trust anyone anymore.

The last thing is, there is no "professional advice on what to do" in this situation. I'll tell you why, the only person that can give me proper mental health support and advice in my situation is my psychiatrist and my GP where appropriate. The "professional advice on what to do" is based one a one sided opinion from a person that did not bother to ask me first and is sneaking around behind my back. If the mental health professionals who are genuinely involved in my care thought there was some sort of issue, trust me, that would have been acted upon if it hasn't already been.

I brought up the fact that I'm a trans guy at the beginning of this, and you are probably wondering what that has to do with anything is this scenario. The reason is, i go by my name with the people I live with and with a number of the charities I do work with, but I haven't got round to changing it legally. That affected the conversation I had with the paramedics because I then had to go through the entire process of telling them about that. Was not a conversation I wanted to have at 2am on a Thursday morning in that situation. I appreciate my housemates calling me my name, but they know my deadname, in that scenario I'd have rather them just have used that to save me the trauma. On top of that, my housemates don't know my student ID number, so if the person that referred me to mental health in the university (which I am going to decline if I get the email because I don't need their support given what I have already) I doubt they'll get in touch because I'm not sure they'll be able to find me because my name on the register is my legal name.

#mental heatlh #mental disorder #mental health #mentally ill #mental health awareness #bipolar 2 #bipolar disorder

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idiotshriek · 1 year

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im very into maritime disasters (shipwrecks, airplanes in the ocean, etc) and the one conclusion ive come to is that if the people in radio communications took their jobs even 1% more seriously like. a lot of people who r dead in the ocean would not be dead in the ocean. so often i hear a story and like if air traffic control or like ship communication people would like. actually call the emergency services theyre supposed to call soooo many people would be alive. like ive heard so many of these tragedy stories where the issue was literally like pilot: yea planes going down. yeah. toward the ocean. air traffic control: oh shit yea that is NOT good yikes. u should call someone about that fs. not to say everyone in these occupations is astoundingly bad at their job but like. if a ship calls in and says they need to speak to a qualified individual. why would u try and take the call yourself. just get them in touch with the boat people. what. and its just. such an issue. i want the numbers on how many people die in the ocean every year bc some dumbass emergency services operator was like. oh yeah. ive seen like pirates of the caribbean i know about like boats and stuff im sure i can just take this call myself. oh and thats? the hull? the scuttle? whats that? u dont have time to explain boat terms to me and need me to get someone who knows what youre talking about and youve been saying that the whole time? thats crazy. so what does listing mean?

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lesbianlotties · 4 years

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on today’s episode of i hate my country so much that i’m crying hysterically while literally halfway done plotting my revenge on all the members of the government...

#im just gonna go on an angry rant right for a bit feel free to ignore me #literally my stomach is hurting right now and im not sure if its anger hunger or my period hgjfhgjfdh #so basically im just furious. i seriously feel like im losing my mind over how upsetting it is to live here!#since i was in high school i always thought okay i'll go to college then i'll move ot another country but every year that wish is more #and more desperate and i wish wish to get my fucking degree that i dont even want that much and just escape from this shithole that instant #and never ever come back #i just hate it so much here. it's pathetic. it's ridiculous. it's embarrassing. it's horrible!!!#to summarize. the country is just absolutely fucking broken and useless #you know the basic services? BASIC services? well we got none of that #electricity? how about power outages of 6-19 hours!#water? some days i guess #communications? hardly. and if theres a power outage then you bet you wont be able to call anybody in case of emergency :D #gasoline? literally the only thing is country is known for? HAHAHA i haven't seen that bitch in years #gas? absolutely not!#i wake up. no electricity. no gas. no way to cook!! we literally could not have lunch today! and it's soooo fucking frustrating!!!!#i just hate it here i hate it i hate it i absolutely hate it #like at this point i dont even feel about these bad feelings im just absolutely disgusted with the entire country #i just want to leave #so badly #nothing works here!! it's not a functional country its not like being in this century at all it's a nightmare!#okayy i think im done #thanks internet for letting me scream into the void byee

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lovelyyy-luna · 3 years

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picture perfect

pairing: (eli “hawk” moskowitz x gn! reader)

fandom: cobra kai

type: fluff

warning: cussing?, parents fighting

word count: 1215

date: march 25, 2021

masterlist

The voices of rage came out of the living room. The voices of your parents like this became all too familiar.

At this moment you were fed up with it. You knew that they were having problems with their marriage and with money.

You open up your window and climb out of it. You could’ve walked out the front door, not that your parents would have bothered to notice you.

The air was cool and you didn’t know where to go. There was someone you could call but you haven’t spoken to him since he became “Hawk” and didn’t want to hang out with the nerds and losers. But you didn’t really want to go back home.

You click on his number and call. The sound of the tone gave you anxiety.

“Hello?”

It had been a while and you almost forgot what his voice sounded like, “Um, hey.”

Both of you were silent.

“Did you need something Y/N?”

You were thinking about your situation and even though Eli knew, you got choked up.

You sniffle, “Um, I'm sorry for calling late. But um, I- uh was wondering. You know what never mind,” you stifled a sob and you knew he heard it on his side of the line.

“Y/N where are you?”

“Im outside your house.”

He hangs up and you looking up at his house see the light in his room turn on and then see the porch light turn on.

Then the door opens and you just see him standing in the doorway. His shirt was off and all he was wearing was his grey sweatpants. You had never seen him like this, so confident in himself.

He nods his head for you to come inside. He leaves you downstairs and you were in, you took your shoes off and headed up to his room.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed looking at his phone.

“I'm sorry, Eli- I mean Hawk. Hawk, I’m sorry for interrupting.”

“You weren’t inturu[ting Y/N. “ he scoots over and taps on the bed.

You walk over nervously and sit next to him. You never thought you’d get to the point in your life that you would ever be nervous when around Eli.

Again the silence fills the room but his question breaks it, “Do you want to talk about it?”

��Just my parents being my parents,” you sigh.

“Seriously? I would think that they would’ve gotten their shit together?”

“Same here,” you slyly look up at him, “I should get going, thanks for letting me escape from the hell at home.” you get up from the bed and start to walk away, he grabs your hand.

“Wait don't go Y/N, do you maybe wanna watch some Doctor Who? The new episode came out tonight.” he smiled at you.

And that smile right there, you could see your friend.

You nod your head and a bigger smile emerges on his face. “Listen when you called I was in the middle of washing the hair spray out of my hair. Why don't you get comfortable, turn on the TV, and I'll go finish.”

You nod again and lay down on the bed waiting for the tv to load up. You look around the room and it is almost the same. Posters of star wars, doctor who, and other of your favorites were still up but some of the others were covered by sports illustrated posters.

You find the streaming service that had Doctor Who and waited for Eli to come back in the room. You then go by his nightstand and look under the bed for his hidden stache. And you found it, along with a frame that was under there as well. In the frame was a picture that you took last summer.

“What are you doing?” Eli’s voice came from the doorway.

He startled you and you placed the frame face down on the nightstand and then raised your other hand that had the pop-tarts in it.

“Hey put those back. Those are mine.” he chuckles.

“Nope!.” you laugh opening up the snack.

He launches towards you and tries to grab the pastry from you. You keep getting out of his reach but then he grabbed you by your wrists pinning you to the bed. You were both out of breath and smiling.

You both kept looking at each other deeply, “I miss you, y/n”

“I miss you too. But you suck.” you laugh

“I suck?” he laughs along with you and his grip loosens on your wrists.

“Yes because ever since you started doing the karate thing I can't beat you in arm wrestling anymore.” you got up from the bed and went over to his desk and leaned on it. “And also since you started to do the karate thing you kinda became an asshole.”

His eyes widened being taken away from your comment. “But I still know that the sweet nerdy Eli I know and love is still in there,” you say the last party softly.

He gets up from the bed and walks to you. With you looking down hoping he doesn’t see how pink your cheeks are, he tilts your head up and says, “You love me?”

“Yeah of course I love you, I loved you ever since you made that lame star wars joke back in Mrs. Aceves Spanish class in 7th grade.”

“Which joke was that?”

“Which program do Jedi use to open pdf files?”

Together you both say, “Adobe Wan Kenobi!”

The laughter dies down. “Y/N I love you too.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“God no Y/N. I love you. Everything about you. The way you light up the room without even trying, the way you hum that same song over and over when you're concentrating, the way that you remember something that I said so long ago, and the way I can just be myself around you. I love you so much Y/N.”

His hands then slowly crept up to your face, his face then leaned in closer and butterflies started to form.

His lips lightly plant on yours.

Your arms slither around his neck and then he picks you up off the desk. And lays you on the bed. His kiss starts to become more fierce and you knew that Hawk was coming out.

“Eli?”

“Yeah?” his eyes got all big worried that he hurt you someway.

“It’s not that I don't love the aggressive guy but maybe we take things a little slow.”

“Oh of course baby,” he says softly, hearing him calling you that made a smile smear upon your face. “Do you maybe want to watch Doctor Who?”

“Yeah that sounds nice.” he kisses you on the forehead.

You get under the covers and he shuts off the light and follows after you.

Not long after he put on the show, you were cuddled up against him asleep, and he was stroking your arm with his thumb.

He looked over at his nightstand and saw a frame. He picked it up and smiled at the photo. He then placed it upright on his nightstand.

It was him, you, and Demetri standing together dressed up for comic con.

♡please like and/or reblog♡

wanna be tagged? (X)

#lovelybean #cobra kai #karate kid #eli moskowitz #eli moskowitz x reader #eli moskowitz x you #eli moskowitz x y/n #hawk moskowitz #hawk moskowitz x reader #hawk moskowitz x you #hawk moskowitx x y/n #jacob bertrand #jacob bertrand x reader #jacob bertrand x you #jacob bertrand x y/n

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nicolewoo · 3 years

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Sharing Part 2

Pairing: Roman Reigns X Reader (fem), Dean Ambrose X Reader (fem)

Warnings: Talk of BDSM. Very mature content. Mentions of previous abusive relationship.

Note to the reader: Cliffhanger alert. Yes, the next part will continue at the very moment this one stops and is halfway written already.

The Sharing Series was based on a request from @Startwithaheart

Henry brought his service dog, Kal, to the club. I hadn’t asked why he needed a service dog, but Kal was always an angel, so nobody minded…… At least, he was an angel until Y/N was around. She’d been around for the first couple of years of his life, and when the two got together, all they wanted to do was play and love on each other.

Personally, I loved watching them. Y/N would get so happy she’d giggle, and the sound was wonderful. It was worth all the dog hair we had on our clothes by the time we went home. The problem was that Kal often disobeyed Henry when Y/N was around, so Kal was now in trouble, laying down beside Henry’s chair and pouting while we played poker.

Henry’s loud booming laugh seemed to fill the room. “So, I’m as naked as a jaybird, and this female police officer comes around the building, and she’s just…..” As Kal began to get up and walk to Y/N, Henry’s attention snapped to the giant dog. “Kal…. Kal.” The dog completely ignored Henry.

Ann called to the dog too as Henry grabbed his collar trying to stop him. Kal just wouldn’t obey for anything. He wiggled around in Henry’s grip until he was free, and he ran to Y/N’s side, resting his head on her lap. “Kal!” Henry called the dog back.

Anne put a hand on Henry’s arm, “No. Stop. Let him.” The urgency of her voice alerted Henry that something was wrong. Ann rose and rushed to kneel in front of Y/N. “She’s having a panic attack.”

A panic attack? She didn’t have panic attacks. My world seemed to spiral out of control. My baby girl was hurting, and I didn’t know what to do.

“Princess?” Henry calmly approached Y/N. Princess? His pet name for when she was his sub? I’d handle that later. Now I had to take care of my girl. “Are you ok?”

I pushed Henry and Ann out of the way rudely while I pulled Y/N onto my lap. Kal followed after her, resting his head back on her leg and kissing her hand. She nestled her head in my neck and I felt her muscles relax just a bit. “I’m here, baby girl. I’m here. Tell me what’s wrong.” I soothed her while I watched Ann pull Henry back a bit.

Y/N’s tears began to seep through my shirt, and she was shaking. I whispered in her ear as soothingly as I could. “Talk to me baby.” I ran a hand over the back of her head “Let me help you.”

I felt her breathe and try to talk a couple of times before she finally managed to whisper. “First dom is here.”

“First dom?” I repeated and watched as Henry’s face blanched almost as much as Y/N’s.

“Oh fuck!” Henry turned to the door, his gaze evaluating every man standing in the hallway outside. “Who?”

Y/N didn’t answer but sobbed as she tried to calm down. “Baby,” I soothed her. “I need you to be strong for one minute.” I pulled back so I could look into her eyes. “Just for a minute. Can you do that for me?” I cupped her face in my hand and was overjoyed when she nodded yes.

“In the hallway. Grey suit. Blonde hair.” Her eyes pleaded for my praise.

I pulled her closer and she snuggled back into my neck. “Good girl. We’re going to take care of it.” I turned my attention back to Ann and Henry. “Ann, take her into the billiards room.”

Y/N grabbed tighter at me and whined out her protest. “Just for a second baby. Just for a second. We’re going to get him banned from this club.” When her grip on me didn’t release I begged her to agree. “C’mon baby. It’s for your safety.” She still didn’t release.

My mind raced looking for a way to get her to feel safe while I handled getting him kicked out. My first thought was Henry, but I immediately imagined her clinging to him. I was still seething about him calling her Princess, and I was sure that had just been an accident. No. Henry wasn’t an option. I wouldn’t want her holding on to anyone…. Anyone but….. “Will you go with Daddy Dean?” I whispered in her ear.

She eased her grip on my back a tad, and she nodded. She pulled away from me, and I smiled at her. “Ok baby. Go with Ann. I’ll send Daddy Dean in to get you.” I helped her stand, and Kal stood, nuzzling his head into Y/N’s hand. “Kal can go with you too.” Henry quickly nodded his agreement.

With a resigned sigh and her hand on Kal’s back, her fingers running through his thick fur, Y/N followed Ann into the next room. I pulled out my phone and texted Dean. “Emergency. Y/N needs you now. Come to Conference room.”

I had no sooner looked out the door to find Dean than I saw him rushing toward me, pushing people out of his way with barely even acknowledging them. He was to me in under a minute. “What’s up?” He looked ready to pounce on whatever was hurting my baby girl, and that calmed me a bit. He would keep her safe.

“Y/N is in the billiards room. I need her kept safe and calmed down if you can.” I could see Dean’s thoughts running through his head and didn’t have time to answer the questions he had. “Take her up to my room, and…” I looked around to ensure nobody was watching. “Do whatever you need to do to calm her.”

Dean looked at me and saw no resistance. “Seriously?”

I put a hand on his shoulder. “I trust you. She needs you. Can you do this?” He didn’t need to answer. I saw the resolve in his eyes. Before he said yes, he was already turning to go to her, and I was already heading out the door.

____________________________________________________________

An hour and 15 minutes…. It took a fucking hour and 15 minutes to get the scumbag kicked out and banned, and he hadn’t gone quietly. I could still hear him yelling “Which fucking cunt ex was making up terrible lies to smear my good name?”

Dean had done exactly what I needed him to do. He kept her safe in my room and got her a few drinks to calm her nerves, but when I finally got to my room, I found her on Dean’s lap nuzzled into his neck. In truth, I was a little relieved to find they weren’t in bed. I’d basically given him permission to fuck her if she needed, and yet my good girl and my friend were sitting clothed, listening to music while Dean told her made up fairy tales. It was then I realized she must have gone little. Of course, she had. She’d gone little the second she’d finished describing her ex to me.

“Baby girl.” Dean picked her up as he stood and handed her over to me. She placed a kiss on his neck before releasing his neck from her grip and leaning into me. “Did daddy dean take care of you?”

She nodded yes. I carried her to the bed, and I sat on the edge before setting her into my lap. As before, she nuzzled her nose in my neck. “You’re safe. I’ve got you.” I stroked her hair and held her tight, feeling her relax a bit more. “Do you want Daddy Dean to finish his story?” She quickly nodded yes, and Dean took a seat beside me.

Y/N moved her head out of my neck so she could see Dean and leaned into my chest. “Ah, let’s see where did I stop? Oh yeah! So, the princess was tending bar at a strip club when the prince walked in.”

Now that Y/N was relaxing, I was too. “A strip club? What kinda fairytale is this?” I laughed.

Dean shrugged, “I don’t know. I’m making it up as I go along.” He looked back to my baby girl and “One of the men at the club was being very mean and pushy to the princess, and when the prince saw, he came to her rescue. Wait! No. Did the princess rescue herself?” He teased Y/N and she giggled a bit.

Just seeing her more relaxed than when she’d seen her ex was relaxing me. Dean’s story was strange and odd, but if it made her laugh, I loved it. We sat listening to the most insane fairy tale ever with ogres rampaging backstage and everything.

Every so often, Y/N reached out to touch Dean. Sometimes when she was laughing, sometimes just because.

When Dean was done, he stood up. “I should get out of here and let you two go to bed.”

Just as he finished saying it, Y/N reached out to grab his hand. She held it tight, keeping him at our side. “No. Tell another story,” she whined at him.

He smiled down at her and kissed her forehead. “It’s time for your daddy to take care of you.”

“No.” She insisted.

She’d had a scare, and Dean has been an incredible friend to us. I rubbed her back soothingly. “Do you want Daddy Dean to stay and play with us?”

Both of them looked wide-eyed at me in shock for a minute. She seemed to think it over carefully. “Would that be ok, daddy? Can Daddy Dean stay?”

Dean’s eyes mirrored her question. “You’ve had a really bad night. Daddy Dean was very good to you and kept you safe. I’m ok with him staying if you are.”

I found only happiness when I looked at her. She nodded yes as she looked over at Dean. “Fuck yeah!”

@mindofasagitarius @lclb13 @serenityfiretrash @lustyromantic @reigns-5sos @bigpsychicbagelauthor @omg-im-such-a-masochist @marlananicole @wickedsunfire

#roman reigns #dean ambrose

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dreamii-yume · 3 years

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New Episode Update Let’s GOO!!!

Warning : This is just Yume having a mental breakdown, seriously. This episode update was WHACK.

~ MAJOR SPOILERS FOR 68-75 ~

I know we ain’t participating and all but the game reminding you that there’s 10 minutes left to prepare is seriously bad for my heart.

Aah, shiet. Vil is still hurt.

He still has small wounds and scratches that he hid make up. Daddy, I’m worried.

Apparently, yeah, I’m not the only one cause my homeboy, Epel just asked to switch the center role with Vil. THE CONFIDENCE.

Aw, he’s worried about him falling over during stage (And make the performance look bad) Come on, Epel just be honest-

...He finally became the ideal poisoned apple that Vil wanted, huh?

Vil being proud a mom.

But the queen inside him is STRONG.

He’ll embrace the villain in him, OUR QUEEN CAN STILL GO. INJURED, WHO?

...AAND he proceeds to roast Epel again lol Typical Vil.

I love how Epel just accepted a nickname like “Doku Ringo-chan” lol It’s so cute, senior-junior relationship goals right there.

HERE WE GO.

Everyone is actually really confident hahaha

I really wish Deuce’s mom, Ace’s brother, Jamil’s sister, and Vil’s dad were here in person to watch.

HECK I WANT KALIM’S WHOLE FAMILY HERE WHY NOT

T-THEY’RE REALLY LETTING US HEAR THE FULL SONG.

IS THAT JAMIL RAPPING.

Look at Jamil’s solo SD dancing. LOOK AT IT.

I really fucking love Vil’s singing voice aaa

HIS VOICE IS SO GOOD.

Album when disney.

Is Vil okay.

...aight im hearing some high quality panting here

...dont mind me listening to it a bit too much...

...they’re going to be great reference for some spicy- leave me alone

Vil panting is making me feel SOMETHING.

ANYWAY. THE CROWD IS A MOOD.

IS VIL OKAY.

Unmei no megami is giving me idia ptsd here.

Heartslabyul Senpais are watching their kids, looking all proud *sniff

Oh god, after playing Obey Me, it just occurred to me how similar Cater and Asmodeus’ voices are...

Watch these Senpai dorks act like Ace and Deuce’s second family. Trey being the dad, Riddle being the mom, and Cater being the supportive big bro. It’s so beautiful.

Riddle’s voice is a lot more softer now, I just realized...It’s so soothing...

God i miss u too octavinelle never change

Yeah, why tf did Floyd not audition for this

Bro, can you imagine Nobuhiko Okamoto in the squad as well??? IMAGINE-

Of course, he wasn’t in the mood back then. Of course. Why did i even ask.

IMAGINE FLOYD BEING IN VDC NEXT YEAR.

Omg i miss u too octavinelle never change

Azul’s gonna overblot again with Floyd’s marketing skills lol

Jade coming in like welp i guess thats that. Too bad, huh Azul?

GOD i miss u too octavinelle never change

SAVANA BITCHES HI

I wonder if these mfs knew that Vil just overblotted and malmal was the one who fixed the stage lol

oooh Leona’s sus about something he a sharp boi

Speak up my guy—

still so weird leona taking his job seriously

Malleus looking happier seeing this performance rather than Lilia’s lol

I miss the simpery in Sebek

Silver’s not in the verge of falling into a coma for once wow

Chenya’s so cute.

AND WE’RE BACK TO CUTE HEIGH HO TEAM

fcking shotacons man...im not one to talk

Aw, they didn’t show Neige performance...

The simping in the crowd is a MASSIVE mood.

WHO WINS TELL ME

These night raven fuckers better vote for us and not pull a “oh shie my hand slipped lololol” i swear to god- im gonna throw hands

*me holding my phone and pretending to vote as well

Suspense music intensifies be like-

HAAA

BOIS, ITS ONE VOTE DIFFERENCE WHO IS IT AAAA

WHAT.

HOW DARE- HOW!? HOW DID WE LOSE!?

WE LOST BY ONE VOTE!?

EVERYONE’S SO SHOCKED LOL

vil pls dont overblot again-

Noooo grim’s tuna cans-

WE REALLY LOST TO A LEGIT KIDS SONG.

These children do not have the right to be this cute. I wanna take Timmy, Toby, and Shelpie home.

I swear to god one of these dwarves sounds like Cheka lol Is it Toby?

EPEEELLLL DONT CRRYYYY

KALIMMMM DONT CRRYYYY

KALIM HAVING THE AUDACITY TO SOUNDING LIKE A BIG BROTHER AND THEN CRYING HIS OWN RIGHT AFTER LOLOLOL

I HATE THIS EPISODE YALL MADE MY TWO BOIS CRY IM FIGHTING THIS EPISODE. BURN THIS.

This background music too though im deeeeddd

KALIM IM SO SORRY FOR MAKING A SINFIC ABOUT YOU PLS DONT CRY-

Jamil impressed about Vil being “calm” and Vil just going “h e h. you dont even know.”

....ha...

Monsieur Rook. WHAT did you say.

ROOK VOTED FOR ROYAL SWORD. Are you kidding me. You snek how could you- i loved you

WHAT DID I SAY- Ya’ll night raven fuckers shall not slip by their fingers when voting rook.

Vil is in the brink of passing out aaaaa

I have never heard Ace this pissed before whoa- lol he sounds like Deuce in his delinquent mode

Aw...Rook felt that Neige’s performance carries a stronger bond than theirs :’( it’s hard to put the blame on him when he’s saying all these stuff

It’s just like what they said in the past episodes that it’s really hard voting for your own team when you know the opposing team is better.

Aww...He just wanted Vil to believe in himself more...Rook is such a best man. Im crying-

Oh noooo is Vil gonna cry too nooo- daddy turned to baby really quick SOMEONE GIVE HIM AN EMERGENCY HUG

Well- at least...at least the 100 year record of not being able to win is still going, yeah? Um...bad joke? Sorry, i’ll see myself out-

NEIGE NOT NOW AND YOUR VII-KUN BULLSHIT- we’re having a moment here

Neige is such sweetheart but aaaahh— This makes it worse, we can’t even hate him aaa—

OMG JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THINGS COULDN’T- AAAAA

MONSIEUR ROOK. YOU’RE A FAN OF NEIGE!?

MOTHERFUCKER just got exposed by Neige himself lol

Going to Neige’s shake hand events, sending him letters, buying all his merch and shie- HE’S A FULL BLOWN NEIGE STAN

WTF YOU SNEK GET OUT OF THIS SCHOOL-

OOOOHHH THAT FUCKING ALBUM- HIS “LIFE’S WORK” or whatever bullshit IS FULL OF NEIGE

...actually- my japanese is lacking- im not sure lol what is a ブロマイド??? Lol I feel like a clown.

Rook is sweating profusely LOL

...what do you have to say for yourself, monsieur rook.

Wait- huh is that-

IS HE GONNA CRY-

WHY IS EVERYONE CRYING!??!?!?!

HE’S SILENTLY CRYING AS HE INTRODUCED HIMSELF TO NEIGE WHAT. THE. FUCK IS THIS EPISODE.

Neige fanclub??? Eternal Snow??? What kind of creepy-ass- OH, HE EVEN HAS A MEMBERSHIP NUMBER TOO-

Props to Neige with his :) expression unfaltering.

I’m- I’m speechless.

Vil is just looking down at Rook in disappointment like- “you’re more pathetic than I am”

Queen just went “I think you need this handkerchief more than I do now” THAT’S RIGHT. REPENT MOTHERFUCKER.

Rook crying is cursed.

But damn, I’m kinda liking this new relationship this bitchy relationship they have

Neige just dragged everyone’s ass back on stage and his snow white energy just said “LETS ALL BE FRIENDS AND SING”

NEIGE IS FUCKING GREAT- HE REALLY DID GOT THESE BITCHES TO SING HEIGH HO LOL

ACE’S RELUCTANT SINGING AND DEUCE LOOKING LIKE HE’S HAVING FUN

KALIM IS SUCH A MOOD, SINGING EVEN WITHOUT KNOWING THE LYRICS AND JAMIL JUST HAVING THAT “i want to die” ENERGY

AIGHT. ROOK IS HAVING WAY TOO MUCH FUN AND EPEL IS TRYING HIS BEST. HE’S SO CUTE-

OMG NEIGE AND VIL HAVING SUCH GOOD HARMONY—

YAHOO Y A H O O TANOSHIINDA~~

YA’LL SURE ABOUT GIVING ME THIS BLESSED MOMENT??

What a somewhat happy ending, even though Rook just backstabbed us I’m crying Beauté 100 points!!!

LOL Vil realizing he’s having fun singing with Neige- “SOMEONE JUST END ME RIGHT NOW-“ The desperation in his voice-

I love how Neige’s yahoo yahoo is messing with everyone’s head, even Vil wants to pass out lol

haha Crowley is so depressed lol

WHA- WHO-

HEADMASTER OF ROYAL SWORD!?

He looks like your typical grandpa- and his outfit looks like that one mickey mouse wizard outfit but blue—

Old man just went “we won lol” just to piss Crowley off I like this guy’s energy already-

Crowley being most likely as old as this guy—

ooohh this man just sensed something in this stage- Leona did too, didn’t he???

* Damn. Crowley talking so fast sounds like he’s making a load of bullshit lol

Anyway, I’m just glad that it’s not mickey mouse who’s the headmaster— I would’ve lost my shit.

We’re back in our dorms and I forgot that the squad doesn’t live with us anymore. It’s suddenly so lonely now...

Grim is getting the yahoo yahoo ptsd too lol it’s too goddamn catchy

oooohh shiet- mickey is calling us again

YES we finally got a good picture of this motherfucker

It seems like nothing is disrupting our communication this time, so MC thought to call Grim but—

Grim is not here.

Uuhhh...Grim? Where you’ve gone??? We’re getting flashbacks of the first parts of the game.

We went out to find Grim and HE’S CHOMPING ON ANOTHER BLACK STONE ON THE STAGE-

GRIM SPIT THAT OUT YOU LOOK TERRIFYING

AAAAAHH GRIM HAS GONE FERAL— He’s attacking US

Is this because we didn’t win his tuna canss nooo

NoOO SWEET BABY COME BACK.

Legit I’m sad, please baby don’t overblot like this...

He learned a new move though- SCRATCH

Ooh— We’re seeing some Ignihyde scenes here~

P U H I H I

Idia getting a lot of emails from bigshot companies whoa—

THAT OLYMPUS—?! EXCUSE ME??? Ortho what- Are we finally getting that Hercules episode—

Damn getting a hot chance in olympus only to put them down the recycling bin oof— Idia why edit : Yume was informed that olympus is kind of a company that sponsored VDC sorry she was mind-fucked at this moment and the ability to understand proper Japanese just went whoosh lol Thanks to @starshiningsirius for pointing it out for Yume~ ♥︎ HONESTLY YUME’S JUST GONNA WAIT FOR ACTUAL PROFESSIONAL TRANSLATORS AT THIS POINT LOL Don’t trust me for important situation too much lol

Aaaahh...We’re getting this shut-in out of his room in the next episode, are we?

And that concludes the whole Pomefiore Episode! JESUS CHRIST 75 CHAPTERS ALL IN ALL!? How long is the Ignihyde chapter going to be, huh!?

This was a really, really fun episode lol I’d consider this a fan service episode actually cause of all the things we get to experience— The singing, dancing, and the new songs, THE DRAMA. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

But then, the plot thickens, no? What’s going to happen to Grim? In the Ignihyde episode? And those reoccurring memories of us? And our relationship with Tsunotarou lol ALSO WE NEVER REALLY DID FIND OUT WHAT ROOK’S UNIQUE MAGIC IS. DISNEY EXPLAIN—

Thanks for reading this shitpost of Yume losing her shiet lol See you all in the Ignihyde Episode~ ❤

#twisted wonderland #spoilers #episode 5 #Talk with Yume

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mostlysignssomeportents · 3 years

Text

Facebook vs Robert Bork

Unless you're a certain kind of conservative, you probably haven't heard of Robert Bork, but he's one of the most important people you've never heard of. The best way to understand Bork is that he was Ronald Reagan's court sorcerer.

Reagan was an empty vessel with the hands of ruthless plutocrats shoved up his asshole*, operating him like a hand puppet for their collective will to power.

He served as a kind of dowsing rod for policies that would transfer wealth from the 99% to the 1%.

*Hence the polyps

That dowsing rod pointed straight at Bork. Bork was an alternate history writer, a fabulist with a unique and wildly improbable theory of antitrust statutes: that if you studied the Sherman Act and the Clayton Act with Qanon-style fervor, you'd find hidden messages in them.

Specifically, you would discover that the lawmakers who drafted, debated, amended and passed these laws thought monopolies were good, actually. They were only concerned with a small and possibly mythical minority of monopolies that were "harmful."

Not just any harms: Bork said that these ancient sages were worried about *consumer* harms, which, practically speaking, means monopolies that use their power to raise prices. This, he said, was the only thing that the government should step in to prevent.

Since it is nearly impossible to prove that a given merger or tactic would result in higher prices before the fact, and *also* it's nearly impossible to prove that a price rise after the fact was attributable to monopolism we should probably just forget about antitrust.

Reagan loved this. By shifting antitrust's focus from *democratic* harms (like reducing choice, distorting regulation, hurting workers, etc) to *consumer* harms, he could demote "citizens" (who have a role in shaping policies) to "consumers" - mere ambulatory wallets.

Reagan tried to get Bork a seat on the Supreme Court, but there was a little problem. Bork had committed a string of disgusting crimes while serving as Nixon's Solicitor General, and the Senate refused to confirm him for a seat.

(Conservatives were outraged that committing crimes at the highest level of government disqualified you from the Supreme Court and coined the term "Borked" to describe rich, powerful people who had to face the unfair prospect of being held accountable for their actions)

But Bork - along with the Chicago School economists - went on to completely revolutionize the world's conception of anti-monopoly enforcement, as neoliberal leaders all over the world (Thatcher, Mulroney, Pinochet, Kohl, etc) took up his theories and tuned them into policy.

Bork was a fringe figure, but he was preaching a gospel that stood to make the richest people on Earth *so much richer*, and they bankrolled the hell out of his theories.

For example, 40% of US federal judges have attended "continuing education" seminars at an annual lush Florida junket where they are initiated into the bizarre world of "consumer harm" theory.

https://crookedtimber.org/2018/10/18/law-and-economics/

40 years later, monopolism has surged in every industry, from bottlecaps to pharma, from poultry to pro wrestling, from eyeglasses to emergency rooms, from oil to car parts, from music to publishing to movies to online services to telecoms.

All driven by mergers, all resulting in higher prices (so much for "consumer harm") all wildly distorting of public policy (the decision to let Boeing self-certify the 737 Max is repeated in thousands of ways across hundreds of industries), all brutal news for workers.

It's a disaster, but it's one that we have been powerless to avert or address for so long as "consumer harm" ruled antitrust enforcement.

Finally, that's changing.

In 2019, Dina Srinivasan published a landmark paper: "The Antitrust Case Against Facebook," which made *incredibly* clever arguments showing that FB's democratic harms were also consumer harms, meaning FB could be sued without first undoing Borkism.

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3247362

But the magic of this work was in revealing the poverty of the consumer harm standard: she laid out the innumerable ways in which FB is bad for society and showed how a sliver of these harms were technically illegal, raising the question: why isn't *all* this stuff illegal?

Today, Facebook was hit with *two* antitrust suits, one from the FTC and the other from almost every US state (including California!).

The complaints say that FB's acquisitions of Instagram and Whatsapp were anticompetitive.

https://www.theverge.com/2020/12/9/22158483/facebook-antitrust-lawsuit-anti-competition-behavior-attorneys-general

Of course, they *were* anticompetitive. We know, because Zuck - who specializes in tripping over his own dick - sent out memos extolling the acquisitions' anticompetitive advantages, proving he hasn't learned a thing since he traded incriminating IMs about founding FB.

https://www.esquire.com/uk/latest-news/a19490586/mark-zuckerberg-called-people-who-handed-over-their-data-dumb-f/

The complaints build on Srinivasan's work and they carry the same flavor: claiming "consumer harms" in the acquisitions, but winking and nodding toward a broader, more democracy-focused (and less consumer-focused) critique of monopoly.

It's a weird tightrope act: they want to win, so their argument is designed to balance on the single, fragile hair that borkism stretches across the chasm of monopoly enforcement, but they wanna make sure we see that big sturdy bridge of nonbork antitrust right there.

If there was any doubt, it was erased by the remedies demanded in the complaints. The prosecutors aren't asking for money damages - a fine is a price, after all - instead, they want FB to sell off the companies it bought for illegal purposes.

And they want FB to get regulatory approval for future acquisitions (though the states will let it buy companies for less than $10m without approval). These are not "consumer harm" remedies - they're "democracy" remedies, aimed at removing the company's source of power.

Facebook has stood up a website explaining why it's a cuddly mom-and-pop business that's being bullied by mean government meanies:

https://about.fb.com/building-to-compete/

The argument's pretty similar to the one laid out in a leaked memo in October:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/10/05/florida-man/#dnr

Basically: it would be really hard for us to unwind these illegal, anticompetitive mergers. Seriously, it would cost a bundle and take so much work!

This is an unserious argument, and it shows how badly FB has misgauged the mood.

All of FB's arguments are garbage, really. Take the line that ex-British-Deputy-PM-turned-FB-salesdroid Nick Clegg has been peddling: "STOP TRYING TO BREAK UP FACEBOOK OR THE CHINESE WILL WIN!"

https://www.cnet.com/news/facebooks-nick-clegiden-must-unite-global-powers-to-shape-internet-amid-china-threat

The company's best arguments are about "market definition" - to claim that they don't have a monopoly because of all the competitors they face, provided you define FB's market broadly enough.

Like, "Here at Facebook, we are in the 'using computers' business. Now, just think of how much time you spend using a computer without interacting with FB! Your car has a computer and it's not on FB! How can you say we have a monopoly?!"

If you want to see someone making this argument as well as it can possibly be made and literally getting laughed at by a University of Chicago (!) audience, check out this debate from 2019:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_Jp-GJ9LM0

Forcing FB to divest itself of Whatsapp and Instagram is a no-brainer. The company lied to secure those mergers, broke the promises it made to get permission to make them, and the penalty for that should be unwinding those mergers.

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/07/dont-believe-proven-liars-absolute-minimum-standard-prudence-merger-scrutiny

And if FB fights this for a decade the way IBM fought its antitrust action, fine - IBM outspent the entire DoJ antitrust division every year for 12 years (Bork called it "antitrust's Vietnam"), but even though Big Blue wasn't broken up, they had their spirit broken.

It was fear of another tangle with antitrust regulators that caused IBM to sit idly by while Phoenix cloned the PC ROMs and created the PC clone industry, which became the US computing industry.

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/08/ibm-pc-compatible-how-adversarial-interoperability-saved-pcs-monopolization

And it was the same fear that caused IBM to hire an outside company to make the OS for its PCs, getting a couple of nerds named Paul Allen and Bill Gates to supply one for them.

IBM's 12 years of antitrust hell focused the attention of every tech giant of the age, letting them know what was on their horizon if they acted like IBM had. It created the US tech industry.

Today, VCs call the businesses that Big Tech dominates "the kill zones" because they know that monopolists have the market power to destroy any startup that tries to compete with them.

There is an entire - better, more pluralistic - tech industry that's been suppressed by Big Tech. If FB and Goog and Apple and the other tech giants spend the next decades throwing billions at the FTC and the states attorneys general, it will be money well-spent.

Because it will be money that these companies don't get to spend destroying the next wave of tech companies, co-ops, and platforms.

#pluralistic

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kkgbutsane · 3 years

Text

The First Day of School

It was a dewy morning. Not too hot, not too cold, far too humid. It was the usual for Hyakkou High School, where students came to learn and excel in their studies while maintaining good social relationships. The school was usually filled with many different students. Any stereotype you could think of, Hyakkou had it.

The students usually had fun. The Principal was quite lax when it came to certain things. All he asked of the students was to respect each other and respect the building. And to keep their grades up of course. They would be failing as a school if the students weren’t receiving the proper education!

And this is where their story begins.

“Ack. Hey! Mary!” Ryota called out from behind the blonde, who was currently looking down on her phone. The boy ran up to his best friend, hooking his arm around the back of her neck to bring her into a headlock. “Hey! Don’t mess up my hair you dork!” Mary growled, trying to wrestle her way out of Ryota’s lock.

The two continued their conundrum until they reached the gates of the school, where Mary finally got a good grip and threw her friend over her shoulder, thus leading to him falling on his backpack. “Ow…,” he muttered, smiling like an idiot.

Mary Saotome and Ryota Suzui had been friends since childhood. They were even neighbors, and she often came over to his house to play on his Wii with him. Their friendship had blossomed into a relationship.

Until they realized they were better off as best friends. In fact, after they had broken up and continued to be platonic, it seemed as though their friendship grew stronger.

“Hi guys!” The two heard a familiar voice, registering it as their other best friend, Yumeko Jabami. Yumeko had met them all in middle school, when she had moved here with her sister. The ravenette was one to take risks, and found pleasure in dangerous things. Of course, only in moderation. In reality, the only things she had taken much risk for was a move in a fighting game. Or a board game.

Her bubbly exterior was often in place of her mellow interior. She tended to keep to herself truly, unless with her friends.

“Yumeko!” Ryota yelled happily, jogging over and scooping the girl in a tight hug. Much to his delight, Yumeko returned the hug tenfold.

“ShiT, I can’t breaTHE-,” he barely managed, his face turning purple. He should have known, the girl was a strong hugger. “Oi, calm down you two, before I separate you guys for 10 minutes straight, and I know that will be a pain since you usually do homework together in the mornings,” Mary stated, crossing her arms. Yumeko finally relented, giving Ryota’s respiratory system some reprieve. Yumeko looked quite meek, but she could give hugs like no other.

“Mary!” Yumeko giggled, giving the blonde another one of her bone crushing hugs. “Sup, dumbass,” Mary replied, smiling softly at her friend’s gestures of affection. “Are you all ready for your first days of school!?”

It was the start of junior year for the three, and boy were their classes packed. Ryota was taking a few classes on science and health, as well as a gym class to exercise and get fit. He wanted to be a firefighter, and such education was necessary to ensure he was a good candidate for the job.

“I have… Anatomy first period. Woohoo,” Mary sighed. She was actually quite excited, but decided not to show it in order to keep her cool exterior. The path she had chosen was Emergency Medical Services, and taking anatomy was the first step in her opinion.

“Oh? That’s so wonderful! I have Calculus for my first period. I wonder if Sayaka is going to be in that class!” Yumeko said eagerly. Sayaka was one of the other kids attending this school. The girl mainly kept to herself, but she had recently started acquainting herself with the ravenette.

“Gah! Sorry I’m late guys! I kinda missed my bus…” A ginger voice panted, revealed to be none other than Itsuki Sumeragi. The strawberry blonde had met the three last year when she was a sophomore. After transferring from a private school to Hyakkou, the tight-knit group had taken her in, welcoming her as one of their own. “Hey! I heard there’s gonna be a pair of new students! I hear they’re seniors,” Itsuki gossiped, taking out her Nintendo Switch and turning it on.

“Ooh, Smash? Let’s do this!” Ryota declared, taking his controller and setting it to his button map.

“So what about these new students? Do they seem weird or anything?” Mary inquired, picking her character, King K. Rool, and setting her button map. “Oh come on, why do you ALWAYS play heavies!?” Ryota complained, picking Marth as his character. “Because heavies are fucking goated, why else?” the blonde snarked back, a sly smirk on her face.

“I don’t know. But I heard they’re twins!” Itsuki giggled, sitting down to watch them play.

“Heya guys,” a shrill voice came out of nowhere. “You playin’ Smash? I’ll join!” it giggled. Runa had seemingly appeared out of nowhere in her oversized jacket. “Oh no…,” The entire group groaned.

“Runa, you’re cool and all, but whenever we play with you, you find a way to resize our assholes every match in different ways. I really don’t want to get 0-to-deathed consecutively while you stay on three stocks. Seriously, how the fuck do you even do it!?” Mary spoke, seemingly for the entire group. “I dunno, just practice TBH,” was all Runa said, picking up a controller. “And fuck you, I’m playing anyway.”

The sound of groans could be heard around the courtyard after that statement.

Sayaka Igarashi, resident Valedictorian-to-be, had come over to the table with Midari Ikishima, who was dragging along a seemingly sleepy senior. “C’mon Yuriko. I know you have senioritis but our friends are here!” Midari grumbled, literally dragging Yuriko. Yuriko Nishinotounin had gotten a severe case of Senioritis, especially since most of her classes were a breeze this year.

“Would you both calm down please!? They’re playing a game, and I’m trying to read!” Sayaka chided, mentally swearing at the rebel. “Chill out, Sayaka, Yuriko is already falling asleep on me and it’s not even 7:30!” Midari grumbled.

“I can’t wait for senior year to be over,” Yuriko yawned, sitting on the table everyone was at basically falling asleep.

“What the fu- NO!” Mary yelled, distracted by Yuriko long enough for Runa to get a move on her, resulting in her virtual demise. “Fuuuuck!” she sighed, hitting her head against the wooden table. “FUCK!” she repeated, after feeling the pain that came along with it. Ryota had already fallen out of the competition.

Please nerf Lucas.

Yumeko hummed happily to herself, reading some random tabloid article on her phone. As the bell rang, they all dispersed into their classes.

“See you guys later!” Ryota called, jogging over to the weight room for his first period.

The three girls had made their way over to the Portables, then separating into their classrooms.

Sayaka practically dragged her two friends to their classes and then her own, all while keeping to the schedule. Anatomy was her first period, and she sat next to Mary.

It wouldn’t be too bad of a year. Mary was a good student and wasn’t too hard to talk to. She just mostly liked to keep to herself.

“Good morning class! Welcome to Anatomy! You guys are obviously gonna be learning about the body, it’s functions, what is where and what goes where and woop dee dah, all the good stuff! Hopefully I can make learning about how food passes through the body actually entertaining for y’all, but first we have two new students with us today! They’ve recently transferred over, so let’s give ‘em a warm welcome to Hyakkou!” The teacher, Mrs. Murray, announced. She looked a bit older, with a tall figure and ginger hair in her face. Her glasses looked odd, but it added to her look.

People like Mrs. Murray because she was actually a good teacher. She cared about her students and actually helped them if they needed it.

“Ladies, if you would please introduce yourselves!”

The entire class looked at the two, and for a moment they thought they saw double.

“Hello. My name is Kirari Momobami. I’m a senior here, and it’s a pleasure to meet you all. I hope we can get along,” The girl, now known as Kirari, had stated.

It seemed her sister’s turn was up next.

“Er.. I’m Ririka Momobami. We’re twins. I hope we can… have a good time!” Ririka muttered, almost too quietly for the class to hear.

Mrs. Murray smiled and beckoned them to take their seats.

Their seats were in front of both Sayaka and Mary, who seemed to be in a state of both ‘gay’ and ‘panic’.

The two twins looked vastly different, with Kirari’s hair done in twin loop braids and dressed in a rather classy manner, while Ririka’s hair was free to fall.

Wait.

Did Ririka have a sweatshirt that had the Poggers Man on it?

Mary internally laughed at that. It was adorable.

When class had dispersed to work in groups, Mary and Sayaka had picked each other on instinct, then looking for two more partners to start their work on.

“Sayaka!” Mary whisper-yelled, a small blush on her face. She then gestured to her phone to text the girl.

Mary S: HOLY SHIT IM GAY

Sayaka I: I am too. Which one are you gay for?

Mary S: Ririka.

Sayaka I: Oh. I like her too.

Mary glared at Sayaka for a moment.

Mary S: The one with the adorable hair and clothing?

The blonde mentally facepalmed, of course Sayaka would think that. No matter the twin.

Sayaka I: Yes. I love how her hair is done. Plus her shirt looks nice.

Mary S: Oh. So the one with the weird braids?

Sayaka I: Don’t call them weird.

Mary S: ok but dont worry cause im crushing on the other twin. I swear her sweatshirt is adorable.

Sayaka I: .

Sayaka I: poggers

Mary S: LMAO HOLD UP IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS ONE

Sayaka I: Be my guest.

The two had reluctantly come up to the twins.

“Hello! I am Sayaka Igarashi, and this is Mary Saotome. It seems you both don’t have another pair, so if you’d like, we can work with you,” Sayaka stated, trying to sound as polite as possible. Nothing could hide the blush on her face though.

“Sure, I would love to work with you both,” Kirari replied, a small smirk forming on her face.

Ririka just nodded with a small smile.

It was going to be a long year.

#au tag #kakegurui #kirari momobami #meariri #kirasaya #sayaka igarashi #mary saotome #yumeko jamabi #ryota suzui #runa yomozuki #itsuki sumeragi #ririka momobami

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nakedmossy · 4 years

Text

Depth Over Distance - Part One [Rudy x Reader]

[A/N: I haven’t found a hometown Rudy fic yet soooo I wrote one. I have no idea where this story is going to go and I’m honestly finding it hard to get out of writing JJ and get into writing Rudy, but here we go anyways. I wanted to write something where the reader and Rudy were hometown friends before he moved to LA, and to explore the idea of how that would change/what it would look like when he comes back. Get ready for a S L O W. B U R N. my dudes. Peace and love, Mossy x]

The sky was grey and the air was wet - it had been raining for 4 days straight. You sat in your car with the heat cranked, your window down slightly so that the humidity didn’t fog up your mirrors. Living on the Alaskan coast was beautiful most of the time but horrible some of the time, especially when you had to waste gas just keeping warm and dry at 6pm in the beginning of ‘Summer’.

You had never lived anywhere else aside from the summer you spent in Vancouver with your cousin when you were 19. Now, at 23, you were working full time at the local bookshop that was an 8 minute drive from your house in the winter and a 20 minute walk/skate in the summer. Your car was parked street side, waiting for your friend Lizzy to finish her shift at the cafe. The smell of the rain and the Ben Howard song on the radio made you nostalgic about the times you and your friends from high school had spent hours skating down these streets, beers in your backpacks, no helmets, dirty shoes and clothes, no pressure, no responsibilities, no cell service...no worries.

Since graduation a lot of your friends had moved out of town, either to Anchorage or down to Washington, or further south. Your best friend Lizzy had stayed close to home, helping run her families business and working part time at the cafe. You had stayed local too...your dad owned a fishing guide business and your mom was an admin assistant for the MD in town, but neither made enough to cover all the medical bills you had racked up over the last few years. You figured once the debt was paid off you might leave...but you had no idea where you would go.

You missed all of your friends, but you missed the boys the most, aside from Lizzy you didn't have a lot of female friends, and your boys had been like brothers to you. You spoke to most of them every few weeks on FaceTime, except Rudy. He had gone to LA for awhile and had kept in touch loosely, but after the first few months he started to drift.

You felt the loss the hardest for Rudy. He had been your closest friend the longest, you had spent nearly every day of every summer together since you were 9, and every school year you worked the same part time job at the seafood restaurant on the water. Now, the last you heard, he was coming back for the summer to ‘reconnect’. You had low expectations and tried not to let yourself get excited, but truthfully, you wanted him to spend some time at home and be around his own kind again - he had always been a homebody and you were worried that being gone for 4 years would go to his head or change him.

Lizzy tapped on the glass, causing you to blink out of your reverie and smile at her. You rolled the window down and let her reach in and open the door from the inside (the handle had been broken since high school). She threw her backpack and skateboard in the back seat, climbing in and closing her door.

“Ugh.” She grunted as her teeth chattered and she rubbed her bare legs.

“You know its only May, you shouldn’t even be wearing shorts yet. The snow just melted.”

Lizzy glared at you playfully and put her hand out to do your handshake. You did it, then put the car in drive and started slowly down the street, windshield wipers moving rhythmically.

“How was the shift?” You asked as you checked your mirrors and wiped some humidity off the rear view.

“Same old” Lizzy leaned back in her seat and pulled the visor mirror down to fix her hair. “That old man Collins from the cannery keeps coming in and harassing me.”

“Jack? The one with the eye patch?”

Lizzy nodded dramatically as she held the bobby pins in her mouth and started to twist her straight black hair off her face.

“That guy-“ She finished placing the final pin and slammed the visor closed “-Is an absolute creep.”

You snorted a sarcastic laugh and rolled your eyes.

“He’s like...70. And widowed. Don’t be rude.”

“I’m not being rude. Im just...asserting my boundaries.”

“You literally have a 3 foot counter between you at minimum, at all times.” You looked over at her and raised your eyebrows.

“Whatever. All I’m saying is we need hotter men in this town. Like...soon.”

You nodded in agreement and felt your eyes wander all over the road, remembering the time you and Rudy had taken your longboards down it after a torrential downpour and you had crashed and gotten such bad road burn that he had to call his dad to come pick you both up because you couldn’t walk.

“Hey, Y/N, are you listening?” Lizzy cut back in, staring at you.

“No, what?”

“I said, speaking of hot guys, I heard Rudy is coming back for a few months.”

You pinched your face and looked at her then at the road, then back at her.

“Rudy is not hot. Rudy is....Rudy. What are you talking about?”

Lizzy looked at you disbelieving and closed her mouth, trying not to smile.

“What!” You repeated, smacking her arm.

“Hey!” She laughed, then shook her head and looked out the window. “Whatever you say man, I just think....” She grabbed her water bottle and began to screw off the lid “I just think...he’s not gonna be the same Rudy that left 4 years ago. He’s like...a movie star now.”

You couldn’t even begin to touch that one. You knew what she was doing...she was always harping on you about going on dates or taking trips with her to the mainland to hook up with the pilots during their layovers. You never went, and always insisted that you were just fine and were not interested. She never listened. Part of that was true...you were fine, and usually not interested. But sometimes, when the water was calm and the sunset was colourful and the fish were jumping and your beer was cold...you wished you had someone to share it with.

“I’m going up to Skagway this weekend with my dad” You said, changing subjects. “He’s short a guide and needs someone to drive the boat.”

“Lucky you” She said sarcastically, screwing the lid back on her bottle. “Another weekend spent with men twice your age who have zero ability to catch a fish and even less ability to smell nice.”

“It’s good money.” You said flatly, annoyed that everything seemed to revolve around men with her. “And in case you forgot I’m kinda in need of that at the moment.”

Lizzy licked her lips and put her hands up, dipping her head.

“Alright...noted. Chill out Kemosabe.” She giggled under her breath and looked out her window, drawing a small penis in the moisture on the window.

“Babe, seriously. You need to get laid.” You said, shaking your head.

“I know” She replied, working on the veins. “Trust me. Im in a state of national emergency by this time of year.”

Lizzy was absolutely one of the girliest girls (and most beautiful girls) in the south of Alaska, which was ironic considering the house she grew up in. Her dad was an overweight German restaurant entrepreneur who had opened a world class seafood restaurant in Juneau back in the 90s and had shacked up with her mother who was this drop dead gorgeous Haida warrior woman who you had literally seen kill and skin a bear with her own hands.

They had forged this chain of restaurants local to Alaska that people flew hundreds of miles to eat at, but still lived in an off-grid cabin that hadn’t been insulated since 1960 and used wood heating. Not really the type of family that screamed southern belle femininity - yet somehow Lizzy came out of that union with a pink bed set, refusing to ever wear camo or sweatpants, and still had never shot a gun - which her mother reminded her of weekly.

Lizzy had hit puberty at 10 and had used her breast advantage over every girl in your class for the next 3 years like some sort of distinction of better genetics, as if she needed boobs to prove that. Unlike you, she was naturally thin and tall (6ft to be precise), had long, thick straight black hair and olive skin, and perfect hips. You felt like a prepubescent boy standing next to her, with your uneven complexion and your frizz and your awkward thigh fat distribution. You were envious of her genetics - her mother graced her with the body of an athlete and the thick black hair, and her father had given her height and cheekbones that could slice through glass. You looked down at your arms, covered in freckles, pasty white from lack of sun, and cringed, looking back at the road.

You turned the corner leaving the main road and starting on the dirt road that led to your favourite part of beach access. Lizzy pulled her hoodie out of her backpack and took off her seatbelt, leaning forward to pull it down over her head. You leaned forward and looked up, this was your favourite part of the drive. The dirt road which was lined with moss and ferns and other foliage wound along the base of the snow capped mountain that was at least 1000ft in elevation. The mist and fog from the coast was thick and creeped through the tall cedar trees, black ravens and falcons flying overhead stark against the white mist. This was the most idyllic picture of northwest coastal living you could find.

When you parked at the trail head Lizzy slipped off her work flats and into her Teva’s, you grabbed your yellow Vans out of your trunk and slipped them on. You usually drove bare foot, a habit you had started in high school after Rudy had thrown your shoes off the dock at the restaurant and you had to drive home without any. You grabbed your sweater and your backpack which had the beer in it. As you were both gathering the rest of your things...beach blanket, hats, and rain cover, you heard a car pull up behind you. You stood up out of the trunk and squinted to see the car through the fog. It was a black ford pickup you had never seen before.

“Who’s that?” Lizzy chimed in from behind you.

“No clue” You said as you lifted your hand to wave once.

The truck had tinted windows and looked brand new. When it pulled up beside you, the drivers side window began to unroll, revealing Junior - your high school (ex) sweetheart.

“Holy” You said, eyebrows up, nodding. “Nice truck - where’d you steal it from?” He rolled his eyes at you dramatically.

“Whatever kid - its a rental. Got it to drive to the airport in.” His chest puffed out and his expression read so proud.

“Airport?” You said inquisitively. “Since when does Alan pay you to drive new trucks to the airport?”

“Since Rudy hired him for the pick up service and apparently is incapable of driving his own ass around anymore” Junior snorted and waved at Lizzy.

“Or he doesn’t have a car here anymore” You noted, rolling your eyes at him.

“Either way, I get this bad boy for the next 24 hours and I intend to give her the royal grand tour of our humble town.” He ran his hand up and down the steering wheel, stroking the new leather. “Wanna go for a rip?” He said, winking. You shook your head and crossed your arms over your chest.

“Well I do” Lizzy piped up from beside you, walking closer to the window. She smiled at Junior and began to put her hair in a pony tail. She nudged your arm as she began to walk to the passenger side door. “Come on, granny. Let’s go!”

She laughed as she climbed up into the truck, but you shook your head again.

“I’m good...you kids have fun. Say hi to Rudy for me” You said to Junior, who shrugged his head and muttered ‘definitely wont do that’ under his breath.

Lizzy blew a kiss at you and waved once before Junior put it in drive and started to go up the dirt road north of you.

Junior and you had ended on okay terms, but he had concocted a theory that you had broken up with him because of another guy, and the unspoken suggestion was that that guy had been Rudy. Small town guys had a heck of a time with the idea of girls and guys just being friends.

You sighed and watched as the truck disappeared around the corner, and turned back to your own car. You grabbed your backpack and slammed the trunk closed, walking down the path alone. You weren’t mad at Lizzy for going with him - she was flighty and bailed on you at the bar all the time - but you were mad the beer was going to go warm before you could drink it all. Not that you should even be drinking 6 beers alone by the water when you had to drive yourself home. Doubtful the 2 cops in this town would even be awake to see you though. Whatever.

You reached the end of the path and rounded the corner, revealing the coast line and the rocky beach. It was your favourite place to sit and think, sit and smoke, sit and be yourself. The beach curled in a U shape, giving you a private spot where the rest of the shoreline was blocked from view and all you could see was the ominous cedar forest that stretched up the mountain, the snow caps at the top, and the horizon over the cold pacific.

You had intended to share the joint you had in your pocket with Lizzie, but...well, her loss. You spread the blanket out on the softest patch of sand and rocks you could find (which still meant you were guaranteed to get at least 2 rocks in the ass) and placed your bag down, kicking off your sneakers. You took a deep breath for the first time in a few days and lit the joint, taking one long, deep inhale. You felt it tingle through your chest and your arms and legs almost immediately, relaxing you. Being here alone always sent you into a spiral of memories and thoughts that you worked hard during the day to suppress. Most insistent lately had been thoughts about your health problems. You called them ‘health problems’ but in reality it was just an eating disorder. You could go 2, sometimes 3 days without eating anything, and never felt hungry. It started after graduation.

You had lost weight, dramatically, going from a stable 120-125 to 95 at most and 90 at worst, in the span of a month. And for the next three years you had never gained it back, you had stayed at a relatively stable 95, which still left you looking sickly and too thin at 5’3”. Your frame wasn’t built for that kind of weight drop, you were Scottish and Cree, sprinkled with a little bit of German and Irish. A classic northwest cracker mix. You weren’t naturally small, you always had a bit of something to grab onto, but it was normal to your body, healthy.

Some part of your brain knew that it had something to do with leaving school...and the pretence that came with that. The expectation...the responsibility. You were never that kind of person, and it never really bothered you, but suddenly it had. You never planned to go to University right away, but you had no back up plan. It wasn't something you and your friends really talked about. But suddenly Jacob had gotten into U of Washington, Dan had left to backpack Europe, and Rudy had not so graciously announced he was deferring his acceptance and scholarship to culinary school because he wanted to be an actor, and flew to LA the next month. You had been left behind, with Lizzy of all people, and it had hit you hard.

You looked around the beach, dragging on your joint quicker than normal, trying to knock the thoughts out of your head. An Eagle screeched above - scaring you - and you laid back on the blanket, closing your eyes. You needed to chill the hell out. This was the first time in a few weeks that you had gotten a night off from helping your dad with his guide business and you didn’t plan on wasting it riddling your brain with anxiety and worrying about your body.

You looked up at the sky and watched the mist and fog kiss the clouds, the sunset colours dancing across them. As it usually did, the rain had stopped just as the sun was going down, the clouds parting briefly and letting the smallest sliver of sunlight through, just enough to burn the grey light out of the sky and allow the pink and orange hues to fade along the horizon. You sat up and cracked a beer, enjoying the fresh smelling air and the rhythmic sound of the waves licking the shore line.

Two beers in you had put on your jacket and placed your Bluetooth speaker next to you on the blanket, blasting a playlist that Rudy had made you for your graduation party.

Three beers in you took the jacket off, standing up and dancing by yourself on the beach to the music.

Four beers in you laid down on the blanket, balled your jacket up and used it as a pillow, and started looking for shapes in the stars.

Five beers in you fell sleep.

———

Many hours later, as the sun rose and was bright on the water and the early morning bird feed was in full swing overhead, you were drifting in and out of sleep to the squawking when a shadow came across your face, alerting you to groggily open your eyes.

“What’s up, Little Fern?” His voice had gotten deeper. Wait, what?

You opened your eyes and blinked, raising a hand to block the sun. There, in your very awake and very not dreaming state, was the unmistakable silhouette that you had spent the last 18 years dreaming about and 18 years being a friend to.

Rudy.

#rudy pankow #reader x rudy #depth over distance #nakedmossywrites #jj maybank #outer banks #obx

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