#I’ve read literally everything

[stuckinapril]

.

#I’m only very rarely inclined to get this intimate w my thoughts so I might as well say it NOW butttt I will never not see the dead children #In everything I do #Like legit #I’ve read up on Hind so extensively and seen so many photos of her #And I have a very healthy relationship w the popular Palestinian journalists so she’s not my blorbo or anything #But hearing that memo destroyed me bc bisan is only 23 and she seemed so vivacious #Idk like I do normal people things I can’t just pause on my life #But idk how it feels like to sit at a boba place and enjoy my pearl milk tea w my friends #While the horrors over there don’t just lurk the back of my mind. I do normal things and I’m guilty for having the luxury #And as an Iraqi girl I’m living in the literal ideal timeline #Where my mom decided to immigrate to the us and that’s why I’m here living a normal life like everyone else #It’s like in a different world if I were born in a different time it could’ve so easily been me. I’m one of the Lucky Ones idk #It’s not survivor’s guilt bc it’s not like I had to survive anything like I never had the chance to live in Iraq or anything #But like. If some things had fallen just a little differently #And I keep thinking about how I’d feel if it were happening to Iraq and people behaved the way they’re doing to Palestinians #I’d be so mad #And some people on here are dealing w assholes while bursting at the seams w grief #For losing their loved ones #This is why I’m so fucking angry at anyone who’s complicit #This was a major tangent but basically I feel weird about doing normal things now while simultaneously knowing I can’t just sit and wallow #And watch life pass by as if it’ll do anything #Misery is not a home but I’m struggling to be 100% normal #And I think that this tonal dissonance is reflecting on my blog too bc I can’t go back to just #Posting about all the other normal things I used to. Like I want to but sometimes I feel off. #Is this anything. I haven’t slept all night #I can’t just allow myself to lose interest in everything I used to like and be and just fade away but maybe it’s about accepting that this #Will also always be a part of me now. It’s that awareness that shadows everything I do #or maybe I need a therapist it’s a toss up #I’ll probably feel better once I get my day started but this was cathartic to voice I think #p

[thwackk]

i demand your arts

here u can have this one single piece of fanart i made for the fanfic that literally ruined my entire life

#the little house on the prairie halbarry… #if you know you know #halbarry #hal jordan #barry allen #kyle rayner #guy gardner #they r fuckin silly and nothing bad happens in the story i promise. everything is fine forever :) #i gotta be so honest right now that shit is the best thing i’ve ever read in my entire life i am so completely dead serious you dont even kn #i would do horrible ungodly things to farmer barry #what. sorry the demons won #okay honestly i could gush abt this fanfic for literal days it’s not funny i could make like a whole powerpoint abt it it’s been driving me #absolutely crazy please help me #im so normal abt it #my art lol #the absolute grip this shit still has on me… i’ll never get over it

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake…. #I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour. #I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing? #y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day. #but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!! #I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

[moonlightdancer26]

I’m actually so desperate for Snupin smut I’m going to cry. please send help (and fic recommendations)

#I WANT SOMETHING PRETTY SHORT WITH WELL-WRITTEN SMUT #snupin #i’ve literally read everything there’s nothing else to read now #i can’t keep rereading the same things forever </3 #i mean #i can and i will #but i am going to get bored #severus snape #pro snape #i’m counting on the snapedom for this #harry potter #hp

[babyfairy]

it takes about 5 seconds of thinking about my personal life before i start to cry now i think that’s really cool and good. fun too

#said literally 3 words earlier to my mom and started to cry so i stopped immediately like i’m so tired dude. #i don’t want to think about any of it anymore. i wish i could just go on autopilot. i’m so mentally checked out #from everything and everyone. i feel like i’ve given up on almost everything i enjoy doing #i just work go home watch tv sleep and then repeat it all over and over. i can’t be still. i can’t live in the moment anymore really even #because that means i have to be present and absorb what’s actually going on around me. all the change #i feel like i’m fading into the background more and more every day #i don’t even care either it’s just kind of like …? good lol #the more i fight my grief the worse it gets #if i can outrun it until my time here is up then that’s fine. i’m sure i won’t but. lol #anyway if you read all this i’m fine i just don’t really like being alive it’s whack imo nothing brings me joy long term #it’s all fleeting. mostly i just feel blank and disconnected #and that’s it. and tired lol

[well-dressed-sewer-rat]

(tw blood)

just a silly little guy <3

(explanation in the tags + more stuff under the cut because i’m indecisive as hell)

#the rat doing an angst art for once?? damnn #was gonna shove fyodor’s body in there too but i couldn’t get it right and was unfortunately out of fucks to give #anyway this is based on a possible ending to bsd me and dia came up with the other day #basically the classic nikolai-kills-fyodor-but-doesn’t-know-where-to-go-from-there trope #but instead of nikolai’s despair manifesting as just ‘damn. now what’ #he realizes fyodor was indeed not the thing keeping him from his freedom and neither was the government the law society etc #kolyas definition of freedom is being above literally anything and everything that could possibly hold him back #in simple terms. he’s trying to be a god without realizing it #hence why he treats normal human emotions such as guilt and regret for his crimes as chains holding him down #and shoves them under a cardboard personality that doesn’t experience these at all #so now that he realizes he himself is the only thing stopping him from attaining his definition of freedom #he’s like oh shit does that mean the very reason i’ve been living was nothing more than an illusion? and other misc mental breakdown vibes #if you read all that. damn wow i mean thanks #i diagnose you with gogol stan #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #nikolai gogol #nikolai gogol bsd #bsd nikolai gogol #nikolai bsd #bsd nikolai #bsd gogol #gogol bsd #bsd nikolai fanart #bsd fanart #fyolai #tw blood #bsd [rat edition]

[crazy-fangirl2524]

I cant wait to reread tsc already (it came out less than 24 hours ago)

#but I’ll have self control because or else I literally won’t be able to function #I’m so grateful I’ve read aftg four times so I remember every single detail and like so reading tsc was aksjdjd so good #I cant wait to reread tsc before the second book comes out #low-key praying for a third book because idk how can Nora fit and resolve everything in one book #aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #aftg series #aftg fandom #andrew minyard #aftg incorrect quotes #neil josten #andrew joseph minyard #tsc and aftg supremacy #tsc #the sunshine court

[auriandcats]

me when

"you’ve seen it, i’ve been bullied my entire life"

which means that tiny sweet baby michael wheeler and will byers probably got bullied the whole time they were in kindergarten

when they were FIVE

#byler #mike wheeler #will byers #stranger things #i hate everything sooo much #i’ve read so many fics on this but the fact that it’s basically canon is making me throw up and cry #when they were literal BABIES i’m gonna fucking rip out my organs #sedate me rn oh my god #byler is endgame

[natikoko]

second chapter of cisco… awesome

#nats stuff #READ THESE TAGS!!!!! #okay I’ve come to understand that formatting works differently between mobile and windows! #you cannot zoom in on windows. the words have become small because this is intended for printing #I’ll find a way to fix this in future chapters #I am now ALSO aware that tumblr fucks the quality of literally everything. this is the best quality I can possibly get this to me! #i literally cannot do anything else to fix this!

[cinaminrolll]

i love young nico robin, she’s so cute. poor thing doesn’t deserve half of what she’s had to deal with and even less of what she’s about to :(

#just look at her #despite everything she’s still so full of hope #she just wants to read and learn and hold her moms hand #so so sweet #not to mention her voice is literally ADORABLE #her little dereshi laugh <3 #i’ve always liked robin but my appreciation of her has just grown so much this arc #i just want her to finally feel happy #nico robin #one piece #one piece robin #enies lobby #anime #manga

[curiosity-killed]

It is! Possible! That I may be being too hard on myself! Again!!!

#me for most of this fall: I’m not doing enough well enough I’m falling short in everything I am Miserable #the universe lately: you’re such a natural turner / you are so creative / you are doing so much / #you are curious and humble and kind / you have beautiful lines / your writing is lovely #our company did this values in action award and my sister and I were talking abt it last week and how only 5 employees WERENT nominated #and i was like Clearlt I Was Not Nominated #and then today actually read the nominations and I got?? really sweet ones???? #and just had a convo with a colleague abt how I’ve been worried abt underperforming/not doing well enough #and she looked at me like I had literally sprouted a tortoise out of my head and was like #‘’i. think you might have. Very High Standards for yourself. (?????????)’’ #the new director I’ve been working with is so casual abt praise saying how I have beautiful lines and such a strong turn #and just need to relax and breathe #there have been a couple ppl recently reading thru like my entire AO3 and leaving the nicest comments??? #my students are chaotic but at rehearsal they all want to come sit with me and ask me questions and I just #idk I know I have a tendency toward isolation and self-deprecation #but also like. when ur in it (the depressions (?)) it feels so absolute #and i know I have to go thru to get to a place where I can receive the good (emotionally) #and I know I’m a little extra sensitivo bc I‘ve been missing my brother #and specifically how he always always was the person who listened when I needed support #but yeah i. maybe rlly needed this #‘’over and over announcing your place in the family of things’’ #<- current feels #personal #Bc it’s less about positive feedback and more abt feeling like belonging

[kbearart]

I earnestly don’t think anything has made me go as batshit insane in a short amount of time as trigun has

#category 7 ADHD hyper focus event #trigun brainrot #I read trimax and it was literally almost everything that I’ve ever wanted in a space western

[lambentplume]

yapping aimlessly tonight

#jaerambles #i just have a lot in my brain!! #anyway i keep getting asked what i would want to do in an ideal situation. if money and time and stuff were no object #i really do think it would be just aimless learning. #like learning new crafts. reading without having to respond to it. sponging up knowledge without the expectation to Say Things #it feels a bit. selfish. #but i don’t really have an endpoint to reach nor do i have something to say. like i just want to acquire experiences and learn things #i get really nervous when people ask me what makes me happy because i don’t know. i know what makes me uncomfortable and scared though #i would also like the ability to just change my situation a lot as much as i want. moving to new places and leaving when i don’t like them #trying new professions without having to stick to them or work up a ladder #drop everything for a weekend to go see friends. things like that. #i say all these things as though i haven’t been too afraid to leave my house for the past 6 months djfjdjfjdjfjjd #i’m trying to be less avoidant lately though. like ideal situations are not my reality! #real life is me being too scared to think of possibilities so in reality i just have to take the tiniest steps back to normalcy #ppl with the jae lore remember when my commute to school was literally 5000 miles #or when i worked two jobs and was so about the grind because i had a reason to want the money #like i used to have So much going on. and now i don’t. and i don’t know what i am in the absence of being Busy #there’s still so much i don’t understand abt bpd1 i’m so scared of making changes too suddenly because i HATE who i was in august #or not who i was. what i was doing. #but now i’ve swung the other direction and i do nothing 😭 i don’t feel like i’m Living rn #i feel like i’ve started all over again. i almost had it i was gonna do two internships and keep doing my cute little barista job #and have a senior year that was gonna be about growing and finishing strong #and then of course my maladjusted ass sees [irreversible change event] and like. yknow #this keeps. happening to me. i want to be so much better than this 😭😭😭

[crybaby-bkg]

my niece wasn’t feeling good today so I picked her up and held her until she fell asleep and everything was all cute and sweet right………………why did she shit in my bed 🧍🏽‍♀️

#I am. so mad. #IT WAS TERRIBLE #at first it was all cute bc she kept snoring and making little noises #then after a while I was like 🤨 sum ain’t smelling right 🤨 #why does she hate me #how do I tag this lmfao #tw: poop #why did that make me laugh QKSJDKDJDJD #anyway sorry I’ve been so mia lately #I’ve been feeling so disconnected being on here for some reason #like I just don’t belong idk #I post and get happy for like five mins then just feel weird again #I think cause I’m finally on break I’ve just been in a weird space with everything #I’ve just been watching tv and movies and literally that’s it lol it sucks but it’s sooo hard #trying to get out of this headspace #I wanna write and read and crotchet and go on walks and write and write and write #but instead I’m laying in bed like a blob fish #it sucks butt #sorry I’m rambling in the tags sjdhdjd I just realized #that I haven’t given an update about my life in a while bc I convinced myself nobody cared #I think it’s just hormones #just give me until like Tuesday lmfao #—in store chit chat! 🍫

[just-rogi]

.

#like I’m sorry #I love my best friend so so so much and she’s perfect and kind and has gone above and beyond to be rational and to be there for me #and I get it she’s an autistic woman and has faced adversity and has had to go on medical leave and that’s hard #and I’m not being dismissive of her struggles #but it makes me so angry because her parents unconditionally love her and her siblings and have always made her feel that way #and has never worried about money as a kid #and yeah her relationship with her parents isn’t perfect of course #but she literally cannot understand domestic violence beyond just reading about it in a book #like she did everything she can to understand and relate #but sometimes I want to scream because I feel so alone #because no one in my life fucking understands why I’m the way I am #and I’ve been struggling the past two months really badly with coping #I’ve had to go to the doctor to ask about PTSD and not like the tik tok OWO kind #but the I was in a car crash as a kid with my dad as a drunk driver and I keep getting flashbacks in my daily life to being a small child #that are impacting by daily life and interactions #and like I feel so fucking alone #and to hear from my friends ‘your right this is horrible and toxic but lots of people go through this’ ISNT FUCKING HELPING #I don’t want to hear that it’s normal I want to feel fucking safe in my bedroom without my mother blowing up my phone or calling the cops #I am unwell and I’m so stressed and I’m so sick and I can’t cope with this and none of the therapists I’ve tried to find handle ptsd #especially not therapists of color #I’m angry and I’ve been getting worse over the past two months #and not that it matters but due to ^^^ reasons my birthday has always been insanely fucking bad for me #like depression watch bad. when I turned twenty I was vividly hallucinating while walking around campus for a week straight having #flashbacks in class and I had to be taken out of the auditorium because I was physically unwell and couldn’t stop crying and shaking #and I told my friend I didn’t want to celebrate I just wanted to sit on her couch and not be alone and she fucking ditched me #because an emergency with a different friend came up the night before #like I have a history of suicidal ideation traumatic flashbacks eating disorders and self harm and I’m asking you to be with me on a very #upsetting day and you call me the night before telling me we have to cancel because another friend is having a bigger crisis #and like you don’t even feel a little bad about it?? #I’m just upset and scared and I’ve got a doctors appointment tomorrow and I’m not in reality right now and that’s scary

[deus-ex-mona]

“a sicks’ dream come true; coming soon to fanfic channels near you”

#presenting my cursed sleep-deprived brainworm of the day: nagisa gets sold to ft4 for uni fees #or well. more like they’re looking for a live-in assistant dude. thing. or sth. idk #and papa shiranami just sells his son off bc ‘hey it’s literal free real estate!!! plus he’s gonna get paid for the entire deal so why not?’ #nagisa initially pitches a fit at his dad a la gamushara yelling scene bc ‘dad!!!!!! how could you just sell me off to some strangers?!!!!’ #‘shhhh son; think of the free housing. in ✨t o k y o✨. stuff’s expensive there yk’ ‘but still!!!!!’ #so nagi sulkily packs his bags and heads out; trying to motivate himself with thoughts of ‘hey at least i’ll get to see hiyori more often’ #then he arrives at the train station and sees our favourite 5-man non-idol gang… and promptly passes out #when he comes to… poor guy finds himself right smack in the middle of a hugeass canopy bed #with dai sitting smugly by the side like ‘the great me carried you back mans. you’re welcome ;)’ with a tip of his cool fedora #and that’s when nagi realises that 1) it’s not a dream and that he actually has to live with his oshis now. and 2) damnnnn this bed is soft #cohabitation shenanigans happen. as they would seeing as the entire gang + rio’s niece live together in this oddly huge megu-owned penthouse #plus free bi-weekly vacations to megu’s family villa bc they can never spend a waking moment without each other #and nagi finds it strange that the group is oddly accomodating of his uni schedule when it concerns his job tasks and such… #or that they collab with lxl (hi hiyori!!!) way more than they should typically be… #but he brushes it off when rio asks him to cook with him or sth idk i mean how often do you get to cook with your oshi???? #and idk eventually the jig is up and it’s revealed that hiyori was the one who was accidentally behind the whole thing #like a ‘sorry nagisa i told uchida that you’d be moving here too but lxl were there the entire time and they went and got ft4 to buy you’ #or something kinda thing. idk. bc everything has to be lxl’s fault; even when they’re just lurking in the bg #i’m def gonna regret this later lmao. it’s almost 2.30 in the am; i have not written in months; and i’ve never read a sold to 1.d. fic ev er #this is the kind of cosmic horror that only sleep-deprived brains can cook up ig…….. oh wells #it is suiyoubi my dudes #the dude from gamushara