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#and just had a convo with a colleague abt how I’ve been worried abt underperforming/not doing well enough
curiosity-killed
·
5 months
Text
It is! Possible! That I may be being too hard on myself! Again!!!
#me for most of this fall: I’m not doing enough well enough I’m falling short in everything I am Miserable
#the universe lately: you’re such a natural turner / you are so creative / you are doing so much /
#you are curious and humble and kind / you have beautiful lines / your writing is lovely
#our company did this values in action award and my sister and I were talking abt it last week and how only 5 employees WERENT nominated
#and i was like Clearlt I Was Not Nominated
#and then today actually read the nominations and I got?? really sweet ones????
#and just had a convo with a colleague abt how I’ve been worried abt underperforming/not doing well enough
#and she looked at me like I had literally sprouted a tortoise out of my head and was like
#‘’i. think you might have. Very High Standards for yourself. (?????????)’’
#the new director I’ve been working with is so casual abt praise saying how I have beautiful lines and such a strong turn
#and just need to relax and breathe
#there have been a couple ppl recently reading thru like my entire AO3 and leaving the nicest comments???
#my students are chaotic but at rehearsal they all want to come sit with me and ask me questions and I just
#idk I know I have a tendency toward isolation and self-deprecation
#but also like. when ur in it (the depressions (?)) it feels so absolute
#and i know I have to go thru to get to a place where I can receive the good (emotionally)
#and I know I’m a little extra sensitivo bc I‘ve been missing my brother
#and specifically how he always always was the person who listened when I needed support
#but yeah i. maybe rlly needed this
#‘’over and over announcing your place in the family of things’’
#<- current feels
#personal
#Bc it’s less about positive feedback and more abt feeling like belonging
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