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#I’m not entitled to their time or energy
shapeofmetal · 1 year
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Me: hmm I did not care for that interaction. “Blocks” ahh that feels better. Now I can go about my day.
The person I just blocked: on public social media “And then they BLOCKED ME. IT WAS SO RUDE. IM ENTITLED TO TALK TO OREO AND NOW THAT THEY HAVE BLOCKED ME HOW AM I GOING TO TALK TO THEM??? I’m deprived. Oreo is problematic actually! 🤬🤬🤬
Me: wow I’m so glad blocking people means I don’t have to see what they are saying. I’m living my life now and moving on.
The person I blocked: MOM SOMEONE ON TWITTER BLOCKED ME CALL THEIR MOM AND MAKE THEM TALK TO ME.
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ziracona · 2 years
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Me every single time I’ve made the mistake of trying to be friends with a psych major.
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dykesynthezoid · 1 year
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Deadly combination of two ppl living together is one person who never wants to make their mental illness symptoms somebody else’s problem, even when they really should be making it somebody else’s problem bc they need help, and the other person is someone who will not stop making their mental illness symptoms everyone else’s problem regardless of the consequences
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galaxywhale-moved · 1 year
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they’re ending recess 10 minutes early today so we can be ready for the event after recess and I was like cool! so are we going out 10 minutes early then? And they were like no :) it’s just a short recess today :)
and like ok… fine except thats our break too so they’re just cutting 10 minutes off our break 🙃
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totopopopo · 1 year
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Feeling dogshit miserable rn
#I have been working nonstop all I do is fucking go to work all I do is work and I have one small period of time off and I can’t even spend#it the way I want. I can’t even spend it with people I love or spend it relaxing. I have to go see fucking extended family#who btw I see all the fucking time#like I don’t want to. I can’t stand extended family especially around the holidays. I would rather die#and it’s not a break from work if it’s gonna be more energy intensive around them than it is when I’m actually at work!!!#I don’t get any days off!!!! I work 7 days a week!!!!!!!! why can’t my ONE BREAK be ACTUALLY NICE#in a place I ACTUALLY WANT TO BE.#with people I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT.#it’s not fucking fair#I only have 4 more days before my break and you’d think I’d be so excited to finally have some time off but instead I’m fucking dreading it!#like nausea dreading it!#I fucking hate spending time with my extended family I hate it#I HATE it#I hate it worse because I LITERALLY DONT GET TIME OFF OTHERWISE SO WHY AM I SPENDING MY ONE WEEK OFF WITH FUCKING ASSHOLES#my cousins are self entitled self centered privileged materialistic babies#my uncles range from extremest racist lunatics who are sometimes nice to moderate liberals who are absolute fucking assholes#my aunt is a fucking nutjob#my grandmas. well she’s cool but also I live 20 minutes from her rn and I see her all the time I DONT NEED TO SEE HER IN A DIFFERENT WORSE#SETTING.#like.#fuck. and my parents seem to have forgotten that all this is true and they’re like ohhh it’s going to be so nice to see the relativeS#WHEN HAS IT EVER BEEN NICE TO SEE THEM.#NAME ONE TIME.#it’s agonizing and soul sucking and it’s like my parents were fucking hit on the head and made to conveniently forget that fact#and they’re making me fucking see these DIPSHITS and waste MY TIME AND ENERGY when I already literally do not have that any other time#my time is NEVER my own and this was the ONE WEEK where my time would be my own and now it’s FUCKING NOT. ONCE AGAIN.#GOD. I WANT TO SCREAM SO LOUD FOR SO LONG. I WANT TO SCREAM.
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thesoftestblackguy · 3 months
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I like being single and alone cuz I love not having any obligations to anyone. I can wake up on my own schedule and do whatever I want in my life, ain’t gotta worry bout stepping on anyone else’s boundaries or having to check in with someone else or having to satisfy someone else. Ain’t gotta worry bout being someone else’s support or have to worry about spending time with someone else. I only hafta worry about myself and dassit, and I really love that!
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xvysarene · 16 days
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𝕌𝕟𝕤𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝔹𝕠𝕟𝕕
Pairing: Zayne x Fem!Reader Prompt: “I’ve built walls, and yet they crumble when I see you.” Words: ~2.5k Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff Notice: Y/N is not MC, Antagonist MC, Mentions of wounds
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His childhood friend exuded energy just as vibrant as her Anhausen class Evol, captivating those around her with her bubbly demeanor.
However, beneath the cheerful façade lay a calculated use of charm, a trait you couldn't help but notice, especially in her interactions with Zayne.
As a senior hunter, your responsibilities included supervising new recruits, and you discerned her manipulative tendencies over time.
"Just because you've seen me at my weakest, you’re not entitled to pass judgment on those dear to me. It proves how I've known her longer and better, as she would never stoop so low as to speak ill of you. I don’t need you babysitting me."
Quick to defend his adored friend and seemingly caught up in emotion, he voiced those unfavorable words your way.
You knew Zayne was a direct person, but being on the receiving end of those words hurt. Especially as you later realized that you harbored feelings towards the cold doctor, feelings that had unknowingly woven into what you had always believed to be a purely platonic friendship between the two of you.
“—and you’re here because?”
His voice jolted you out of your reverie.
Somehow, standing in the exact spot where your last conversation occurred, resulting in months of silence between the two of you, had clouded your thoughts.
You cleared your throat, trying to focus back on the present moment. “Greyson and Yvonne have been trying to get in touch with you.”
When news about Dr. Zayne taking recuperative leave had spread like wildfire throughout the UNICORNS, you had considered reaching out to him. 
Your fingers had hovered over the phone, composing and deleting messages repeatedly.
In the end, you completely abandoned the notion altogether when you heard his childhood friend’s not-so-subtly mentioning her plan to visit and cook for him while chatting with the short-haired girl from the Data Analysis sector.
“I’m fine,” he managed to huff out after a while.
Taking a swift glance at the unexpected mess on his kitchen counters—scattered papers and remnants of food packaging—you challenged him. "I thought we had moved beyond the superficial 'I'm fine' responses when asking about each other's well-being."
Zayne didn’t reply and you noted that he had absentmindedly leaned his long legs against the kitchen counter as if seeking support from it.
“You, the Chief Cardiac Surgeon of Akso Hospital, someone who enjoys his lack of free time, couldn't possibly have felt 'just fine' after being placed on recuperative leave."
“I wasn't aware that you still kept tabs on my whatabouts," he retorted, eyes slightly gleaming competitively. However, they lacked the usual spark; instead, they hinted at tiredness and something indefinable that looked familiar but you couldn't quite pinpoint.
“I understand that your friend has probably visited you, but my great buddies insisted I come and check on you. They didn’t want to pester, but after two days of no answer, they are beginning to worry.” You raised your hands in a gesture of surrender. “Though if I’m not welcome, I’ll leave you be.”
As you moved past him towards the front door, you felt yourself emotionally drained from the brief exchange.
“Why you, specifically?” his whisper caused you to stop in your tracks.
“They know we are—” you stopped yourself, “used to be each other’s confidant. They thought you might be willing to speak to me if not to them.”
He chuckled dryly. “Used to…”
His muttered words compelled you to turn. Your hunter’s awareness noticed how he had subtly shifted, leaning more against the counter with one hand supporting his weight while his body slightly hunched forward, facing your retreating figure.
His body trembled with involuntary shivers, and the silver-framed glasses that had been perched on his nose earlier now lay discarded on top of the black granite.
“What’s wrong?” The words spilled out of your mouth before you could stop them.
Your eyes instantly snapped to his arms, expecting to see the familiar bluish hue and the delicate, yet deadly patterns of ice crystals.
Instead, you saw fresh cuts on the back of his hand. Both of them.
A sound must have escaped your lips because Zayne quickly tugged at his light gray pajama sleeves, trying to cover his hands. He took a step back as he heard you stomping towards him.
Helplessly, he played a brief game of tug-of-war with you before yielding to your unexpected strength.
“What the hell,” you breathed out as you took the angry red marks marring his pale skin, making them stand out more. When you rolled up his sleeves further, you discovered fresh lacerations, a chilling reminder of the frost's icy grip.
You cupped his cheeks. It took his gaze a moment to gradually refocus on you, seemingly startled by the sudden skin contact. “Zayne, what happened?”
His lips were sealed shut. He began to resist, however, as you guided him towards his bedroom, but your hunter strength slightly won over his sluggish state.
Zayne watched you intensively check his wounds after you managed to get him to bed. They were more severe than the scratches you saw after you had cradled his frozen arms and succeeded in defrosting them using your Evol. It was when you found him beating himself up in regret for failing to save your partner during surgery.
As you stood up to fetch the medical supplies, his hand swiftly caught your forearm, surprising you with its speed. "You don’t have to take care of me," he insisted.
“Respectfully, Zayne,” you began, knowing he'd grimace at your next choice of words, “Fuck your pride and let me look after you.”
Seeing his familiar disapproving grimace at the brash word, you chuckled quietly to yourself. 
Your boldness and recklessness often clashed with his calm and collected nature, one that left people wondering how a friendship could blossom between two such opposites.
As the antiseptic scent filled the air and silence enveloped the room while you tended to his arms, memories flooded back to the griefful night when you had lost your partner.
He had treated your temporarily forgotten battle wounds after the frost had thawed from his arms.
“It’s not your fault,” Zayne had spoken softly as he cleaned your wounds.
Your breath stuttered, surprised by the doctor's attempt to console you. Many people regarded him as highly reserved due to the carefully crafted mask of indifference he wore.
"The other staff told me what happened. You couldn’t have known that he was bitten; a child Chlorostaga leaves a very small puncture, and it would only feel like an ant has bitten you. With adrenaline running high, he wouldn’t have felt a thing."
“He told me that his heart was racing unusually fast during the transport back,” you whispered, feeling the tears clouding your vision. “And I jokingly suggested he needed to do more exercise.
“He laughed at it until—“ you forced down the bile rising in your throat before being able to continue, “until he suddenly collapsed from cardiac arrest. We were only a few minutes out before arriving here to treat our wounds.”
Zayne continued gently dressing your gashes as you recounted the last moment with your partner. “His last memory was of happiness with you, feeling fulfilled knowing he had once again protected Linkon City from Wanderers... With his trusted partner."
The tears you had struggled to contain finally broke through, cascading down your cheeks in torrents. He held you close that day, offering comfort until every tear was dried.
From that moment, a bond seemed to form between both of you, drawing you closer from mere acquaintances to individuals you could trust with your deepest emotions. Only a few had ever witnessed each other's vulnerable state.
In the present, you noticed his breathing had calmed, and the hazel eyes that had been watching you carefully moments earlier had closed as you finished tending the last cut.
Gently smoothing out the crease between his brows, you couldn't help but wonder how troubled he must have been. “I’ve built walls, and yet they crumble when I see you,” you whispered, afraid of him hearing your secret.
You had tried to shield yourself from future heartache after you slammed his front door the day he had spoken harshly. Yet, seeing him so vulnerable, your caring for him only deepened.
Listening to the rhythmic sound of his breathing, an unexpected exhaustion washed over you like a tidal wave.
Sleep claimed you swiftly, and it wasn't until you felt Zayne's gentle touch on your shoulder that you awoke.
“You’re going to strain the muscle in the back of your neck sleeping like that.”
Still groggy from the unplanned nap, you couldn’t protest as Zayne easily deposited you to the space he occupied earlier, as if you weighed nothing.
Your skin flushed hot feeling his fleeting touch behind your knees. Blinking, you met his gaze as he settled back beside your feet on the bed, already looking much better than before.
As the heat from his body permeated the wool blend of his pajama pants, you could feel it warming the tips of your toes. “Are you feeling any better?”
He nodded, casting a glance down at his arms adorned with scattered adhesive strips. Awkwardness filled the air as you both grappled with the ever-present unresolved tension.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled softly. You looked up, startled.
"I'm sorry," he repeated more clearly. His hazel eyes, appearing browner under the dim lighting, seeking yours. "For saying those hurtful words to you, for failing to accompany you on mourning day."
Your eyes widened, surprised that he even remembered about the day that had occurred months earlier.
When he didn’t appear at the cemetery of fallen hunters on mourning day, an annual tradition to honor your late partner whom he couldn't save, you learned just how much he cherished his childhood friend.
While he hadn't explicitly promised to join every year, he had always done so without fail. At that time, you couldn't help but feel disappointed when you discovered he had spent the day with his childhood friend instead.
And perhaps, an ugly thorn of jealousy had begun to bloom inside your heart.
"Greyson gave me an earful after he found out about our... conflict, and then he pieced together why I was absent that day. Why didn’t you remind me?”
You broke away from his gaze, not prepared for the sudden query. “You are under no obligation to accompany me, so there's nothing to apologise for."
"I absolutely have to apologise, for on the day you mourn for your late partner the most, I callously had fun with my friend."
And there it was, his childhood friend once again stealing the spotlight in your conversation. You felt the barriers you erected creeping back into place.
"It's getting dark outside, I should head home," you said, retracting your legs and hurriedly standing up.
However, a warm hand on your wrist carefully pulled you back down, knee bumping with yours.
"I was ensnared by my memory of her innocence from our childhood," he confessed, voice heavy with regret. "She envied the deep connection we share and after overhearing your conversation with Yvonne, purposefully suggested a day trip to our hometown that exact day. She exploited my weakness for her gain, knowing my fond memories of our past together."
Zayne tenderly unraveled each of your tightly clenched fingers, soothing the nail marks that had etched into your palm.
It was one of your bad habits, surfacing whenever anxiety and stress took hold. Ever the observant person that he was, it was something he was well aware of.
Your breath hitched as he wove his fingers with yours, larger palm easily covering your smaller one.
"I'm the one who foolishly let myself be blinded and stooped so low, wrongly accusing you when your intentions were nothing but good-hearted." He swiped a hand over his face in frustration. “People praised me for my good judgement, but I evidently failed to make the most important one."
“And so this happened?” you gestured towards his arms with your other unoccupied hand. “Punishing yourself because you felt guilty for your lapse in judgment?”
She had heard bits and pieces of what happened from Greyson. The Chief Psychologist in the hospital had noticed Zayne’s peculiar behaviour for weeks—moments of zoning out and evident emotional distress.
Not wanting to jeopardise his patient’s health, he agreed to take a leave until he felt mentally prepared to return to his responsibilities, which required a clear mind above all else.
"No, it's me losing myself because I've taken advantage of the only person who understands me; to the extent of hurting that one person who, despite knowing her for a shorter time, has selflessly always been there for me." He placed a kiss on the back of your hand. "And fearing I may have already lost her, as I come to realize the depth of my feelings for her."
You whipped your head to fully face him, face flushed at his confession. His gaze unwavering, trapping you with fierce affection.
“You don’t need to say anything—”
“Zayne—”
“I just want to let you know that I’m sorry for causing you pain—”
“Zayne, I—”
“And I would understand if you don’t want to do anything with me again after everything that’s happened—”
"Zayne!" You moved to cover his mouth and lost your balance in the process, tumbling together onto the bed.
Him beneath you.
As you stumbled, his hand found the curve of your hip, supporting you from falling on top of him. While his other arm remained thrown over him, fingers still intertwined with yours amidst the sudden movement.
You could see him trying to mask his discomfort, no doubt feeling some of the deeper slashes being tugged.
"God, you really need to shut up sometime," you blurted out, catching Zayne off guard with your abrupt remark following his heartfelt revelation.
This close, you could see his pupils dilating at your close proximity, almost consuming the green in his eyes.
With profound confidence and a fuzzy feeling spreading inside your heart, you eased his mind. “I’m not going anywhere.”
The content smile painting his lips tugged at your heart. It was a genuine happiness that chipped away his usual cold demeanor. 
He squeezed your hip and slowly urged you to lay on top of him, a silent invitation to be closer. Strong arms circled around as you nestled your head against his throat, enveloping you in his scent—grounding, and slightly musky, like the scent of a forest after rainfall.
“I never want you to lose control of your Evol over me again,” you warned him, eyes closing as you felt his lips pressing on your forehead.
“I can’t promise, but—” he interjected before you could interrupt him. “I’ll work on myself for the better. It’s the least I can do for the one who holds the dearest place in my heart.”
When you opened your eyes again, you could finally pinpoint that familiar glint in his eyes, the one you noticed when you confronted him hours earlier in the living room; it was endearment.
As you lay down on his bed that night, fingers gently combing through his tousled midnight-black hair as he rested against your chest, it dawned on you that the glow of affection had been there all along, subtly shimmering in his eyes throughout the years whenever you were by his side.
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leighsartworks216 · 7 months
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Might I request an enemies to friends to lovers with Astarion?
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A QUICK LITTLE DRABBLE. IT IS ALMOST 4K WORDS. It also became a songfic. The song is "Your Stupid Face" by Kaden MacKay
Also it is 11:20. I am so tired. I do not have the energy to proofread this rn. So it's as good as it's gonna get
Warnings: self-doubt, bickering
Word Count: 3,957
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I just really hate your face
Though I know that won't surprise you
But, to me, your skin is one giant wart
And your laugh's one big snort
And you stink, so in short
I despise you
You disgrace the human race
'Cause you're more of a mosquito
I would rather have the dentist and drill
Then this swine in the swill
And if you were a bill, I would veto
And if the world was perfect, you would be gone without a trace
But since the world could never be that great
I'll just hate your stupid face
-
Astarion sighed just behind you. You glared over your shoulder at him. Did he really have to be so annoying when you were trying to help? What did he have against doing the right thing?! Or were all high elves as up their asses as him?
The little girl glanced nervously between you, her hands fiddling anxiously with each other. “I-Is that alright?”
You turned back to her with a big smile, though Astarion could see the strain behind it. “Of course! It’s no problem. We’ll find your toy and bring it back before nightfall, how’s that sound?”
“Really?!” Her eyes became wide and excited, bouncing on her feet like there were hot coals beneath it. “Thank you so much!”
You watched as she ran off back to her mother, jumping as she grabbed the woman’s arm and pointed at you. You smiled, genuine this time, and waved to them both. Then, you turned to go back into the woods.
The joy didn’t last long.
“I thought being an adventurer meant slaying dragons, learning powerful spells, gaining power - that sort of thing.” Astarion sighed again, long and dramatic, as he stepped over a branch. “But, no, here we are, armed to the teeth, tadpoles crawling into our minds, looking for a stuffed animal.”
You grit your teeth together and tried to ignore him. The sooner you found the girl’s stuffed bear, the sooner you could stop listening to his whining. “She said she lost it over here, somewhere, but something could have taken it or moved it by now. If we split up, we can cover more ground.”
You could almost feel the way he rolled his eyes. “Oh, great. If I find it, I’m not telling you. And I’m certainly not going to touch it. Gods only know what’s on it.”
“You’re such a child!”
He lays a hand over his chest, looking down his nose at you. “I’m so sorry that I have some dignity left.”
How did you get stuck with such an annoying, self-entitled, brat? 
“Fine! Then I’ll look, and you can follow me around like a lost puppy.” You smiled sickeningly sweet up at him, your whole expression filled with sarcasm and annoyance. “Happy?”
He scowled. “And I have to follow you because…? If you’re so eager for my company, you should just say so, darling.”
You shook your head, facade falling. “You’re impossible.” You stomped off. He could follow you or wait around, you didn’t have the energy left to care.
Oh, no
No
I just really like your face
You don't have to look so happy
I'm not really into love that you flaunt
In some glittery font
But if that's what you want
Make it snappy
I just feel so out of place
Well, except for when you're near me
When you're gone, I'm like a plant with no root
Or a song that's on mute
Don't you dare call it cute!
You should fear me!
And if the world was perfect, you would've never invaded my space
But since the world's obsessed with saying, "psych!"
Now I like your stupid face
-
You tilted your head, watching as Astarion held up a mirror. The tadpole kept him from burning in the sun, but it did nothing to bring back his reflection.
“Looking at something?” His voice catches you off guard. It was odd to have someone talking to you with their back turned, even more so when he could see your reflection and you couldn’t see his.
“Just looking,” you tell him. “What are you doing?”
He sighs, forlorn. “I’m looking, too, but not seeing very much. Another quirk of my affliction.”
“Do you miss it?”
He stands and turns while he speaks, finally meeting you face-to-face. “Preening in the looking glass? Petty vanity?” He sighs again. His face looks so droopy and sad, like a puppy left out in the rain. “Of course I miss it. I’ve never even seen this face. Not since it grew fangs and my eyes turned red.”
You look at his eyes, really look. It was hard to picture him with any other color. It was a side-effect of his vampirism, but you could go your whole life believing they always were and always had been red. “What color were they before?”
He opens his mouth to answer, then stops. “I don’t know. I can’t remember. My face is just some dark shape in my past.” His face scrunches up in rage as he throws the mirror on the ground. You step back to avoid the shards that break from it. “Another thing I’ve lost.”
You can’t imagine forgetting your face. It’s a rather big portion of who you are, after all. Thinking about looking in a mirror and seeing nothing stirs your stomach like a witch’s brew. You study his face, eyes tracing over every curve and sharp edge and wrinkle. You tried to imagine being him, no longer able to see what you looked like.
Astarion frowns at you. “What?”
“I’ll be your mirror.” The words are out before you can even think them, but a spark of hope flickers in his eyes, and you can’t bring yourself to back out of it now. “What do you want to know?”
“I want to know what the world sees when it looks at me.” He pauses. His voice gets soft, lacking its usual bravado. “What you see.”
He waits as you look at him. You try to figure out what the world sees, versus what you see. The world may see his eyes, sharp and red and keen. The world would see his dangerous smile, full of pretty teeth and sharp fangs, threatening to bite.
But it’s not what you see. You see his hair, paler than freshly fallen snow. You see the way it curls around his ears, how there’s always one stubborn strand hanging by his forehead. You see the wrinkles that crease his face when he smiles, surrounding his mouth and crowding in the corners of his eyes. And you’re startled, trying to figure out how long ago you’d noticed these things about him.
“I see… the creases when you laugh.”
He sneers, placing a hand over his chest. He takes it as an insult when you mean it in the kindest way possible. Without his wrinkles, he wouldn’t be Astarion. “Excuse me? I’m an eternally young vampire, not your doting grandmother.” He huffs. He looks like he wants to stop - never mind what he looks like, he doesn’t want to hear what else you could possibly say. But he continues, “You can do better. What else?” The curiosity wins out.
You wonder if you should tell him the easy answer. Tell him what the world sees. What everyone else sees. But to do so feels like a huge disservice. You inhale, prepared to be scolded once more. “I see the way your hair curls around your ears.”
“This is meant to be flattery, not poetry.” He sighs, creases forming between his brows as he frowns, annoyed. “Just tell me I’m beautiful and we can call it a day.”
“Is that all you want?” You don’t mean to sound as angry as you do. “Shallow praise?”
He scoffs. “Hardly.” He begins ticking off fingers. “There’s also gold, sex, revenge - quite the list, really. But failing any of those, I will always settle for shallow praise.”
You shake your head. “What I see isn’t good enough for you then? The seductive, charming face you put on for everyone else - that’s what you want to know about?” He sneers. He hates how easily you’ve read him. And you hate how much it hurts. You can’t tell if it’s because your words mean nothing, or because he can’t even allow himself a single, beautiful flaw. “The world sees your eyes. They’re strong and piercing. And your smile: Dangerous. They see you for the monster you are. Are you satisfied now?”
You leave before he can answer you. Anger trembles in your fingers, but they’re weighed down with sadness. A conflicting bundle of emotions twists in your chest. You shouldn’t care if all he wants is to be called pretty and move on. You shouldn’t! And you don’t!
But you do…
I just really miss your face
Though, by now, I must disgust you
I had tried to be the stubbornest mule
'Cause I knew life was cruel
So I guess I was foolish to trust you
But I wait here just in case
Though I know I'm being senseless
How could I have ever been so naive
And wear my heart on my sleeve
When I knew it would leave me defenseless?
And if the world was perfect, you would be here in my embrace
But since the world denied me one last kiss
I'll just miss your stupid face
-
The sun burned. Truly, honest to gods burned. And he ran. What else was he supposed to do? Bake in the sunlight while everyone else said their teary goodbyes, “We’ll see you down the road”, yadda yadda?
But, he can admit when he messed up.
He should have stayed longer. By the docks. The sun was just beginning to rise, he had plenty of time to slip from one shadow to the next before it was high in the sky. He could have said his goodbyes. He should have.
Already he missed Karlach. He fondly remembers when she hauled him over her shoulder, jostling him about as she ran. He certainly wasn’t too pleased at the time, but now… And he missed her nickname for him. And the banter, and teasing, and… everything.
Everyone had their charms, he supposed. Gale was, well, Gale, but even he wasn’t too bad. And you.
It was hard to admit. He could say he missed the others all day, but you? You who dragged him into the woods to find a stuffed animal for a kid? Who begrudgingly let him have a sip that night he revealed himself? Who yelled at him when he couldn’t bear hearing anything other than he wanted to when you offered to be his mirror? Who hugged him after he killed Cazador? Who helped him save his brothers and sisters and all the other souls whose lives he ruined? Who smiled so sweetly at him?
He couldn’t say it.
After he ran away, cursing and damning the gods for confining him to the shadows again, he disappeared to the Underdark. You’d mentioned how they needed a leader, guidance. And, well, he had nowhere else to go.
He never got to see you run in the direction he left after saying your goodbyes, smiling and excited. Or watch as you search and search for him. How you shout his name. How tears well in your eyes as you realize he’s gone.
And maybe it’s better that way.
What are you doing here?
I didn't run away!
It was... it was a strategic retreat
What is there to talk about? It's over—I ruined it
Well, yeah of course I'm sorry, but
No, no, don't forgive me!
Why do you do that?
Why—why give me another chance to mess things up?
Because you—what?
Those three little words
Out of the blue
Completely uncalled for
Especially from you
Why don't you hate me?
Why do you care?
Can't you berate me? Isn't that fair?
Where is your glare?
Don't you dare leave our problems and pain on the shelf!
Because if you don't hate me, I can't hate myself
But that's why I need you
You shatter my fear
'Cause despite my misdeed, you are still right here
Though it's stupid to date me
You're willing to try
And if you don't hate me, then why should I?
Are you sure you don't want to give up on me?
You're a moron
-
The last thing Astarion anticipates is you barging into his home, stomping and angry. The next last thing he expects is for you to throw a cloak in his face. He backs up as fast as you approach, tripping and falling backward over an armchair. It tips back with him and he lands with a thud. When he pulls the cloak off his face, you’re standing over him, still just as pissed as before.
“Ah.” He grins sheepishly. “Hello?”
“You ran away!”
“Yes, yes, I know-”
“You ran away! I went chasing after you and you were gone!”
“The sun! I couldn’t-”
“I know! That’s why I went and got you that damn cloak! And I was going to give it to you on the docks, but you ran away!”
He struggles to get up, grunting as he tries to push the armchair off so he’s not bent in half. You huff and sit the chair upright. Then, you offer him a hand. He’s not sure if he should take it. He’s half-certain you’ll flip him over and crack the floor with his body. But you wave your hand, insistent, and he does not want to piss you off any more, so he takes it. You haul him to his feet.
He holds the cloak out in front of him, studying it with a frown. “Darling, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but clothes don’t actually protect us from the sun.”
“Yes, I’m aware.” You sigh, hands on your hips, but you seem to have cooled off some. “It’s the Cloak of Dragomir. Gale helped me find where it was hidden. I figured, if the tadpole is the only thing keeping you safe in the sun, then after it’s all over, you’d need something else to protect you. So.” You gestured at the cloak.
He was speechless, and perhaps a bit skeptical. It had already been several weeks since the docks, and every day he would be lying if he said he didn’t miss it. Basking in the sun. Lounging in her warmth like a cat as he sleepily flipped through a book. It sounded too good to be true - a simple piece of fabric that could prevent him from turning to ash?
“Are you sure it works?”
You laughed, airily and annoyed. “No, I had a shortage of vampires to test it on at the time. I was going to find out when you tried it on. If it didn’t work, well…” You let out a long breath. You refused to take your eyes away from the cloak. Like looking at him again would bring all the rage and frustration back. “I’m still in touch with Gale. He can help me look for something.”
He spun it around to look at the back. It was a deep purple, with the only remarkable feature being a sort of fur around the neck and shoulders. He could almost imagine it hanging up in a shop.
You cleared your throat. “Put it on.”
“Hardly the best place to test it. The sun doesn’t exactly reach down here.” Still, he unclasped it and swung it over his shoulders.
It was light and breezy, allowing air to move through, but warm enough it kept away any chill - not very concerning for a vampire, but still a nice feature. It reached mid-thigh. He shifted around in it, testing its movement and fit. He bristled when he felt something brush against his arm.
He lifted up the edge of the cloak where he felt it, and his undead heart stopped all over again. There, messily embroidered on the lining in gold thread. Little Star. A poor imitation of embroidered stars surrounded it, forming a sort of faux night sky.
“I did that.” You clear your throat and scratch the back of your head, avoiding his eyes everywhere you looked. Every time you glanced back at him and his dumbfounded face, your cheeks heated up. “I know it’s not as good as yours, but, you know, I thought it was the best way to get a message across.”
His chest was full of emotion. He still had a hard time deciphering it all, even after so long of you carefully teasing them out. But through it all was one resounding question.
“Why?”
You finally made eye contact with him. You frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, this can’t have been easy to get your hands on. You could have sold it when I ran away, but you embroidered it, sought me out… Why? Let’s be honest, dear, we’re not exactly friends.”
“We’re not exactly at each other’s throats either.” It came out harsher than you meant. You took a breath to calm your nerves. “I know we didn’t really get along when we first met - hells, we still argued about everything under the sun with the slightest prompting, but I do care for you.”
His lips quick up slightly. “An unfortunate choice. I’m not exactly the easiest person to care for.”
“No.” You smile, soft and patient. It was hard to look at you now and connect you to the person who barged into his room moments ago. “But I want to. You’re worth the effort.”
So you think that we could work?
Here I thought I'd been the dumb one—what?
You're forgiving me for all I did wrong
You're unmuting the song
And, again, I belong to someone
No! You can drop the stupid smirk
Though by now I guess you've earned that
'Cause no matter how intensely I pout
Your stupid face will win out
And I guess it's about time I learned that
And though we go together like a Chanel Nº 5 and mace
At least it's not as dull as fitting like a glove
'Cause you're a nightmare that I've not been dreaming of
But I suppose that when push comes to shove
Fine!
I love your stupid face
-
You tugged Astarion through the city, releasing short apologies left and right to any early-risers you bumped into. He’d tried asking multiple times where in the hells you were taking him, but you never answered. You just shot him a bright smile over your shoulder and kept on running.
Before he knew it, you were at the docks. A light orange hue lined the edge of the ocean, signaling the sun’s appearance. He frowned. “You dragged me all the way out here to watch the sunrise?”
“Yes.” You squeezed his hand. Your eyes were wide and bright and filled with overwhelming glee. “You never got to see it last time you were here. But now you can!”
He scoffed, a grin teasing at his lips. “Darling, we could watch the sunrise from anywhere. We don’t need to be exactly here to do so.”
You rolled your eyes. “Well, no, but it’s more about the principle of the thing. You didn’t get to see that sunrise and say goodbye, but now you can.”
Red eyes scanned the horizon. Oranges and yellows flooded from the ocean-line, chasing away the dark blue of night. He couldn’t deny it was beautiful, but…
He swallowed, frowning out at the sea. He couldn’t look at your face as he asked, quietly, too afraid to actually put the words out there, “So this is goodbye?”
The edge of the star poked her head out. He’d enjoyed watching the sunrises and sunsets during your adventure. He would welcome her touch onto his skin every day, grateful for even just a brief moment to be able to feel her warmth again after 200 years. And every night he would mourn her loss, a seed of fear planted deep within that any sunset could be his last, before he would be contained to the shadows forever. He never got to savor the last one. The one time he wasn’t prepared to go gracefully into that night.
“It doesn’t have to be,” you whisper back. If you hear the shuddering breath he lets out, you don’t say anything. If you see the tears building at the corners of his eyes as he turns to look at you, you don’t point it out. “I can stay. With you. If you want.”
“I couldn’t ask that of you.” But I wish I could. He wants nothing more than to be selfish. To take every single scrap you offer him and give nothing back.
You release his hand only to better tangle your fingers together. Your thumb runs along his palm. “You wouldn’t have to.”
“You’d be living in the shadows most of your life, even with this,” he lifts the edge of the cloak to make a point.
“Okay.”
“You wouldn’t be able to go on adventures. You wouldn’t be able to find someone else, have a family, live your life.”
“Okay.”
“Why are you so willing to give up everything for me?”
You raise your free hand to his cheek. It’s haloed by the red-orange light of the sun. He hates the way he leans into it without a second’s hesitation.
“Is it so hard to believe that I’d stay because I want to be with you?”
He opens his mouth, shuts it again, and tries to find the words. Strained, he chokes out, “Yes.”
“My lovely little star, even without the cloak, I’d stay in the shadows with you for eons. Adventure would be empty without you by my side. There is no one else I could bear to put up with besides you.”
He takes a breath and closes his eyes. It’s hard for the words to sink in, but he urges them to. Staying with him would not be a burden. He is not a burden. He holds your hand to his cheek, pressing it tighter against his skin. By the time he opens his eyes again, the sun is halfway risen.
“I’m not good at… this. Whatever this is. I have no idea how to do anything more than what I had to do. I have no idea what will happen.”
You smile. “Now that sounds like an adventure.”
He chuckles. The knot in his heart loosens. When had you turned from an annoying thorn in his side to this? How long ago had you wormed your way into his soul? What would he do without you?
He feels like he’s just been thrown downstream - caught in the current and waiting for it to burn. He’s uncertain as he leans forward slightly, experimentally. You let him come to you; you wait patiently and smile at him encouragingly until he rests his forehead against yours.
“Can I kiss you?”
“Yes.”
The sun warms his skin as he lets go of the guilt holding him back. He’s a mess. He’s still working through his emotions with Cazador, trying to find footing amongst the spawn in the Underdark, trying to be good enough. And here you are saying he already is.
He catches your lips and allows himself to forget for the briefest moments that this is a terrible idea. How can he possibly think this is wrong when you sigh into his mouth and pull him closer? How can this possibly be wrong?
The reds, oranges, and yellows fade from the sky. Bright blue dominates the sky. And everything is okay.
---
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iridessence · 8 months
Text
I would like to take a moment to acknowledge myself and say that I am elated and proud to have manifested some of my major goals since 2018-2019. Basically before then, 2014-16 I struggled with depression and suicidal ideation quite frequently due to not having steady income, as jobs in retail seemed the only available and “safe” options, but long shifts standing at a registers or posts were damagingly hard on my body. In 2017 I got a desk job that set me on the path of financial stability and reduced physical load, which did absolute wonders for my mental health but it was an absolute blight to my existence over time due to terrible management and the usual corporate garbage. I knew that staying there was fine for a time but not sustainable in the long run, so change must come eventually.
also around then, I continued to explore self portraiture and personal style but I really wanted to perform/create Burlesque acts and book them, and invest in and actually have choreography/technique and beautiful costume pieces that looked like the visions refining themselves in my head through research. I was also perpetually struggling in the dating sphere with the deficit of romantic fulfillment that I deeply wanted. and while they weren’t hostile, things were definitely weird with my family (dysfunctional, literal small town energy, upset that I didn’t want to be around them more in the suburbs but lots of interpersonal toxicity and lack of emotional growth).
I knew that in the coming years I wanted to…
quit my soul sucking job and set out to be a full-time or at least professional level burlesque performer, creating the qualitative and classic show girl acts I dream to see on stage
work on the floor at a boutique or mom-and-pop type shop that sells goods or services that are interesting to me, especially aesthetically, such as an antique shop or a jewelry boutique etc., but a place where I could sit intermittently as needed for my physical disability. Also, ideally it would be a position where I could express myself through style at my choosing and it would be received well, and also my hours would not be very early or very late.
find a loving and supporting partner who I could lavish equal amounts of love and support on to, live with and hopefully marry
Achieve/maintain financial stability enough that I have a reduced risk for homelessness and sometimes treat myself to things that I enjoy.
Figure out why the relationship with my family was such a struggle and do things within my power and desire to fix it.
In a world that isn’t a corporate machine devoid of empathy, none of that seems like a tall order to ask… but I live in America so… It took some time, but I’m starting to see the fruits and returns. Honestly sometimes things feel like a blur and I’m not exactly sure I could say there was a huge system to what I did overtime to make it work, but I know the work was there.
As of today, September 9, 2023:
I am a respected professional burlesque performer with costumes I figuratively gag over and acts that come closer and closer to hitting the aesthetic nail on the head for what I want to embody. (I quit that shitty desk job at the beginning of 2019 and haven’t looked back since. Sent a whole ass company wide message with a long and detailed “fuck you” too.😂🙈)
i’ve managed through burlesque, social media work, donations and savings, and —since the global pandemic—,odd jobs and grants/minimal loans, to continuously pay rent and ward off homelessness 
I live with the love of my life, to whom I am engaged and actively planning our wedding (we looked at a venue yesterday!)
I’ve helped my mom on the growth of her emotional intelligence and commitment to learning more about values under the race, gender, and sexuality umbrella, as well pushed her to examine the enabling and entitlement dynamics with her adult children that take advantage of her. While my relationship with my brother and sister is not great, my relationship with my mom has been steadily getting better since the pandemic. we had a breakthrough at the beginning of this year where she acknowledged and apologized for guilt tripping me for not being around the family more, when I was (she quoted) “actually protecting myself like she should have been.”
and litcherally within the past week I was offered the job at a local boutique I interviewed with a year ago and didn’t get, and I signed an offer letter to begin work within the month. 
To say I’m happy with the way things look right now is an understatement. The world still terrifies me, but I have no choice but to carve out a sliver of its beautiful experiences for myself, and I am doing just that. It may not be perfection, but it’s pretty damn good and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep it that way and make it even better. I am living my ancestors' wildest dreams!!
for anyone reading who might be struggling right now to make things work, I hope you hold on to hope that it can get better. A beautiful life is possible even on this hell scape, even for the marginalized.
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seeingivy · 1 month
Text
better than revenge
actor!eren x f!reader
**part of my method acting fic
previous part linked here
an: this is 11k and tweets on tweets. buckle in. if you find the typo in the tweets shut up
songs mentioned: see you again by tyler the creator ft. kali uchis, end game by taylor swift, and vampire by olivia rodrigo
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The following morning, the buzzing energy in the townhouse is almost palpable. Not only because you’ve finally completed the set and the last four people have arrived – Erwin, Bertholdt, Ymir, and Historia – but it seems that your intense energy from the night prior seemed to have transferred over to everyone else. 
You’re almost too embarrassed to walk downstairs to the frantic chatter – that coupled with the fact that you’ve heard Connie name drop you almost four times – and it seems that Eren seems to be feeling the same when you walk out into the hallway to find him awkwardly lingering by his  door. 
“Hey.” 
Eren looks up, thrown out of his spiral of thoughts, as he gives you a smile and then looks down at your lip. It’s a little sore, the tiniest bit swollen from the tattoos that you got yesterday, and you can see that his is the same. 
“Hi princess. How’s your lip?” Eren asks. 
“Good. I guess I should be thankful that your name is only four letters and not nine letters like Bertholdt or something.” 
Eren smiles. 
“Let’s see it then.” Eren responds. 
You oblige his request, pulling down to show him the inner of your lip and watch as he smiles at the little ink. He follows suit after, making a rather dramatic display of crouching down to your height before pulling his own lip and showing you his. 
“You know, life really does imitate art. Because now, my name really will be forever on your lips.” you respond. 
“I sure hope not. You’d be slashing my head off sometime in the near future if that were true.” 
You smile. 
“You know, that doesn’t sound that bad to me.” 
“But you have to kiss me after. You know, if it were up to me, I think life should imitate art. Like at least ten times, for scientific purposes.” Eren responds, shrugging as he gestures for you to follow him. 
You shake your head, inexplicably unable to respond to the harmless flirting this time around, as you gesture for him to join you downstairs. The two of you walk in tandem down the steps, sparing each other one last smile, before you get hounded by the likes of Connie and Jean. 
And surely enough, the second you make it down to the kitchen and the dining table at the side, you’re met with the sight of Connie air-playing fan edits on the TV screen for everyone to watch. 
You and Eren take the spot behind Connie on the couch, and Eren smacks him on the backside of his head, before you two watch the edit. It’s of Eren singing Glimpse of Us in the background, except the video’s edited to be showing videos of him and Hyla, before juxtaposing them with videos of him and you. 
“Speak of the fucking devils. Don’t tell me you actually got matching lip tattoos? I’m half convinced you assholes are just lying to piss me off at this point.” Connie asks. 
The two of you look over and grin at each other. 
“Why are you watching fancams of us on the TV?” you ask. 
“Edit accounts are a form of art. Look at this one.” Connie responds, sliding to the next video on his phone. 
This one is in a similar vein, videos of you and Eren from the red carpet to the backdrop of you singing Style. You’re not sure what it is, but the video fills you with an insurmountable amount of joy, especially when Connie scrolls up the comments – most of them being about how people can’t stand how Eren seems to look at you. 
“Connie. Why have you watched this entire YouTube video?” Eren asks, pointing to the little thumbnail at the side. 
You follow the line of vision to where he’s pointing to an hour long video, entitled “eren and y/n creating love for an hour straight.” 
“There’s no way you watched that entire thing.” you respond. 
“Watched it? Bitch, I recorded half of those videos for Y/N-Jaegers back in the day. Please put some respect on my name.” Connie sneers, as he leans forward to put the video on. 
You turn to Eren, as the gears start turning in your head. You can tell that he’s following your lead – in fact, thinking the same exact thing as you – as you discuss it over. 
“I mean, kind of makes sense. S’how we did it the first time.” Eren responds. 
“I’d argue that it’s almost poetic to do it the same way. Plus, the resurgence of Y/N-Jaegers would be crazy, just for PR sake.” 
“I agree.” 
Eren reaches forward, yanking on Connie’s ear to catch his attention. He leans back, before swatting Eren off, and standing to face the two of you. 
“Do you have your phone, Connie?” Eren asks. 
“Yeah.” Connie responds. 
“Then, use it.” Eren responds. 
You give him a grin, waiting for Connie – who albeit, in his confusion lifts his phone – before you both pull down your lips and show off your new tattoos. You watch as Connie’s eyes nearly boggle out of head as he moves closer to the two of you, his excited voice filling the entire room as the group of them all start huddling around you. 
Mai and Mikasa look positively appalled, quietly whispering about how painful that must have been, while Reiner and Sasha break out into their own side tangent about how oppressive lip tattoos must be since they limit your food options so greatly. 
You and Eren laugh as you shuffle back into the kitchen, leaving the group of them to their devices as Connie uploads the video, and the two of you reach for the yogurt in the fridge. The piping hot, spicy ramen seemed like it was just going to burn your entire lip off, so you decided against that for today. 
You lean forward to read the little schedule on the fridge, though the filming is considerably light for the week. Considering the fact that almost everyone was here now, or arriving within the next hour, you were going into serious rehearsals for the ensemble showcase that you had planned. Though you were really only in it for one verse. 
Wednesday, March 27th, 10:00 
Eren and Y/N - REDACTED #1 
You frown. 
“What the hell is redacted number one?” 
Eren spins to the side, crouching down so his chin is just hovering over your shoulder. And the fact that he lowers his voice, to the gravelly octave, makes the hair on your arms stand up on its ends. 
“Levi not talk to you about this yet?” 
“No. We’re too busy talking about award show stuff. You know how he loves to lecture.” 
Eren looks over at you, his eyes borderline smoldering, as you can’t help but look away. It was getting harder and harder to look at Eren after your godforsaken realization last night.  
“From what I hear, what they’re lecturing you about is actually very valid.” Eren responds. 
You scoff. 
“You know, they’re so annoying. I’d appreciate it if they kept my conversations with them as private as they keep their conversations with you.” you respond. 
“Well, they were actually trying to get me to convince you to not use your triple threat performance on me. Not when you’re already performing twice that day, with me at the centerpoint.” Eren responds. 
When you had first pitched your idea for the awards show to them – and humbly begged them to give their ensemble showcase moment up to include the Jujutsu Kaisen cast – you had let them know that your intentions were from the get go. 
And when Eren had created the perfect segway for them with the song requests, Hange had slipped theirs in a week prior with maybe the most difficult request that you had been given yet. 
write a song about danny and sareen 
And even more than just writing it, Hange had made it very clear that they were expecting you to sing it at the award’s show at the end when you finally got to do your triple threat performance. That you couldn’t sing another song about Eren, when winning that award, was always going to be about them. 
Hange’s more theatrical than Levi. Because Levi just gave you the cue card that they have read off of that night, that had your name on it. But Hange had gone the full ten miles and given you the little trophy that you never even got to hold, with the note that came attached from the Institute. 
You can still see it now in the dull, gold looping. 
Dear Y/N, Danny, and Sareen,  Congratulations on your accomplishment! Included in the box is the trophy and a golden glass case to display it in. Please call the offices on Glass Avenue to discuss timings for interviews and your performance at one of our four award shows next year.  Best,  The Institute 
And annoyingly enough – despite the fact that it was your name on the trophy, their names were inscribed on the box. 
It was enough to irritate you into writing the song that Hange wanted you to sing. And at this point, you were itching to give them a run for their money too. 
“They didn’t need you to convince me. I gave in eventually.” you respond. 
Eren shrugs, before dipping his own spoon into your yogurt. Eren had instinctively given up the last strawberry one because it’s your favorite, but clearly, wasn’t very attached to his decision.  
“I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to make it about Danny and Sareen in the first place.” Eren responds. 
You shrug, leaning against the back of the fridge. The metal is cold on your back, as you let the freezing cold yogurt soothe the burning in your mouth. 
“Well, I only came back here for Marco. Because he won’t ever get to act again. Then when I started to do this, I was only doing it for you – because you did it for me first.” you respond. 
“And now?” 
“I thought back to what Historia had said to me, when she finally dragged me out of that house the first time. She had brought up Hange’s speech, the one way back when that made me even interested in acting in the first place. About showing the real you and all that.” you respond. 
“And?” Eren asks. 
“Well, Hange brought that up to me, when I originally said I wanted the third song to be about you. Not that you’re not important to me, but…being a triple threat was what I always wanted. And really at the core of it, I just wanted to be as unapologetic as  Hange was. I guess when they put it that way, it was almost stupid not to make the song about them when they’re the one who got to take the sanctity of that award away from me.” 
Eren smiles. And before he can respond, you’re tackled by two pairs of arms nearly strangling you around your neck, your line of vision telling you that Eren’s experiencing the same bombardment. Ymir and Bertholdt are shaking his entire frame and jumping at his side – and your ears don’t deceive you when you hear Historia and Erwin bellowing in your ear. 
You pull back, wrapping your hands around Historia’s face. 
“You crazy bitch. Don’t tell me you actually got a fucking tattoo again?” Historia asks. 
You grin, pulling down your lip to show the group of them. 
“Well, I’d be a fucking liar if I said that.” you respond. 
Erwin, in his theatrics, places a hand over his chest and the other one on the top of your head. 
“That’s my girl. Always had such a sound moral compass.” Erwin responds. 
You can’t help but wrap your arms around him as Erwin lifts his hand and gestures for Eren to join him at the other side. He still smells the same – the lingering scent of Old Spice deodorant and a very husky perfume. And when he pulls back, you can’t help but feel your heart squelch when he puts a hand on both of your cheeks and beams down at you two. 
“You’ve always been our little trail blazers, you two. I’m so proud of you two.” 
You turn to Eren and smile, before looking back at Erwin. 
“We’re proud of you too, Erwin!” Eren responds. 
You turn your head to the side, giving Eren a confused look. 
“Don’t flatter me, Eren. I’m not above crying in front of you children.” Erwin responds. 
“I’m offended you would even think that, Erwin. Don’t you know who I am?” Eren responds. 
You shake your head as you turn towards Ymir and Bertholdt at your side and leave Eren and Erwin to hype each other up for what was probably going to be the next thirty minutes at your side. You had already given up trying to understand Eren and Erwin’s relationship years prior. 
“Hey, kid.” Ymir says. 
“I’m older than you.” you respond. 
“Yeah, yeah whatever. I have someone I want you to meet.” Ymir responds. 
You follow her line of vision to the opening of the kitchen, to find someone lingering against the frame of the door. There’s a girl standing there, with tan skin and a short pixie cut – nervously knitting her fingers together. She’s smiling at you, rather brightly, and you can't help but feel like you’ve met her before. 
“Y/N. This is Sofia, my fiance. Sofia, this is Y/N.” Ymir states, gesturing for the two of you to shake hands. 
You oblige, her hand warm and the shake firm, as you try to hide the shock in your face. With the rush of everything that was going on, the information that Mikasa had shared with you days prior had been floating around in the back of your mind but you were never able to ask Eren to put it to rest. 
And now there was another lingering question mark hanging. 
That Ymir had proposed to Historia, but that she said no. That she begged her and Historia couldn’t bring herself to do it. But even despite that, they were still sleeping on the same mattress when you came back for the first time, for Marco’s funeral. 
And now she’s engaged to someone else. 
“Hi Sofia. My name is Y/N. It’s really nice to meet you.” 
Her eyes light up as she squeezes your hand, which you now realize is still locked in with hers, as you look back up at her and smile. 
“It’s really nice to meet you too.” she responds. 
“You know, you look really familiar, but I can’t exactly place why.” you murmur. 
You look to your side to find Ymir grinning at Sofia, as Sofia can’t help but groan in response. 
“I told you she would remember you.” Ymir states. 
“That doesn’t count as remembering me! A lot of people can look familiar to people!” Sofia responds. 
You smile, rubbing your palms together, as you look at the two of them. The thought of Historia a few feet away talking to Jean and Mikasa has you sweating, nervously passing your eyes over just to make sure that she wasn’t watching the entire interaction go down. 
“Have I met you before?” you ask. 
Sofia sighs, the slightest pink tint in the apples of her cheeks. 
“This is so embarrassing. I met you and Eren a couple years back, at one of those conventions with the panels and stuff and –” 
The recognition is instant. 
“Oh my god! You were wearing a shirt with my face on it! With your sister, right?” you respond. 
“I fucking told you she would remember! She has really good memory.” Ymir responds, this time goading her on. 
You shake your head at Ymir, before placing your hands on both of her biceps and squeezing. 
“Sofia, wait. I really remember that because it actually meant the world to me at the time. I’m sure you…know about Scott Clarkson and all that mess and –” 
“I want that man dead and I’m so serious.” Sofia deadpans. 
You laugh. 
“You and me, both. But yeah, that day was actually the first time that Eren and I had ever met him in person. And the entire event in general was just so uncomfortable and left a weird taste in my mouth and you…you really made me feel like I was doing something important and I actually thought about it for a really long time.” you respond. 
Sofia smiles, before she reaches forward and wraps her arms around you. The embrace is overwhelmingly warm, as you eye Ymir behind her back, who's just shaking her head at her demeanor, almost insinuating that this was what she did all the time. 
“I’m really glad. I really meant what I said back then and I’ve always been a big supporter all this time. You’re really brave and courageous and –” Sofia stars. 
“Okay, Sof. Enough. You’re going to make poor Y/N’s head bigger than it already is.” Ymir groans, as you turn back to your side. 
“That’s really sweet of you. How is your sister?” you ask. 
You’re not sure what it is, but it’s almost like you’ve thrown ice on the little warmth that was pooling in the conversation. Because her face slightly droops and Ymir’s quick to put a hand on her shoulder in comfort. 
“Ah. She passed away a few years ago.” Sofia mumbles. 
“Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up and –” 
She smiles, enough to give you the faintest glimpse of her dimples. They remind you of Eren. 
“That’s okay. That’s actually where I met Ymir. At the grief group.” she responds. 
“You went to a grief group?” you ask. 
“Well, not originally. I was there with a friend, a while before Marco died. Met her there. We were already dating when Marco passed away, but…we just figured it wasn’t the best idea for Sofia to come to the funeral with…you know. Historia.” Ymir responds. 
So why did she sleep with Historia on the mattress? 
“I’m glad you’re here with us now. It’s really nice to meet you. And I love weddings, if Ymir can humble herself enough to invite me to hers.” you respond. 
“Shut up, bitch. You’re so annoying.” Ymir responds. 
That’s what she says. But it sounds more like are you crazy? Of course, you’re invited. 
“Anyways, I hope you come to set later. Eren and I are going to be filming something if you want to watch.” 
“For sure. I’d love to see it.” Sofia responds. 
You look over your shoulder to find Levi, Hange, and Eren waiting near the edge of the kitchen island, gesturing for you to come over now that you’ve caught their attention. And as the four of you embark out towards the set, Levi explains what redacted scenes are to you. 
You spare Historia one last glance as you walk off the set and can’t help but feel a bitter taste in your mouth at the longing look she’s giving Ymir. 
--
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“You know, this sounds an awful lot like method acting to me.” you murmur, spotting the sly grin on Levi’s face. 
“Eren told me not to call it that. He said you might strangle me. Or him. Or both of us combined.” 
“He would be right about that.” you respond. 
He’s leaning against the edge of the vanity, as the makeup team tasks themself with drying and prepping your hair to perfection, while Levi coaches you through what you now understand are the two redacted scenes that Levi has asked you and Eren to film. 
You just think it’s lazy script writing. Levi thinks you’re annoying for calling it that. 
With your combined permission of course, Levi has decided to let you method act through the two scenes that he originally had planned out. While he was allegedly entirely faithful in your ability to deliver lines, he wanted to see if what the two of you could produce out of real shock, in the moment as your characters, was something better than what he could write. 
Hence, the vague scene that you and Eren were going to be filming. To your understanding, the pair of them were each going to give you and Eren a set of prompts and you were just supposed to act your way through the scene based on what they told you to do. 
“Can I know my prompt then?” you ask. 
“You understand, right?” Levi clarifies. 
“Yeah, yeah. I’m just supposed to go based on what you tell me.” 
Levi hops off of the counter, this time leaning closer so that you can actually make eye contact with him in your line of vision. 
“But really. I don’t care how badly you want to say something else. You…you have to go based on the direction that I tell you.” Levi responds. 
It’s almost annoying, the way he’s coddling you through the entire thing. 
“Okay, I get it. This is my entire job, you know?” you respond. 
Levi scoffs. 
“Fine. Eren’s going to ask you something. I want you to shoot him down.” Levi states. 
You lean your head to the side, much to the annoyance of the makeup artist, who moves your neck back into place. You shoot her an apologetic smile, before thinking back to Levi. 
“You want me to shoot him down?” you ask. 
“He’s going to ask you something. Or insinuate it – and no matter how badly you want to do whatever it is, you have to tell him no.” 
Levi gives you a curt nod before he walks back out to the set to put things in place, as you put the outfit resting on the hangar on. You reach up to mess with the little fringe of your bangs, pulling down the undershirt and the jacket as you prepare yourself for the scene. 
When you walk out on set, the group of them are all sitting on the sidelines, giving you excited smiles. You give Sofia a little wave at the front of the sidelines, returning the little finger hearts that Gabi and Falco point towards you as you reach for your cue. 
And when Levi calls action, the lights on the entire set dimming and the chatter breaking down to silence, you can feel your heart pounding in your chest as you see Eren at the top of the little landing, his back facing towards you. 
“Eren! Everyone has been looking everywhere for you!” 
At the sound of your voice, Eren lifts his hand to his face and sniffles, almost like he’s wiping away tears, before you stand at his side. He refuses to meet your eyes and now that you’re standing at his side, you’re not sure how you missed this before. 
They cut Eren’s hair. 
A small part of it – because it’s out of the usual man bun that he’s been sporting since you came back to set and instead loosely frames the sides of his face. 
It might be your favorite look yet. And all you can do is stare. 
He still refuses to meet your eye, withholding it from you. You follow his gaze to the bottom of the landing, to see the kid that Levi had introduced you to a week prior, who was going to play Ramzi in the script. You had yet to film the scene – since you’re almost positive that Levi was going out of order at this point to save time and note it. 
“The boy from the market? What happened?” you ask. 
“Nothing yet.” Eren responds. 
Eren’s voice has that same gravel, almost hollow, like he did the day that you filmed the table scene. It’s almost haunting when his voice sounds like that – so devoid of motion and strained that it makes your chest pang. 
You wonder if that’s what he sounded like in the years that you didn’t talk. 
“What do you mean? Wh-what is this place?” you ask. 
“After the war left them with no home, they all gathered here to live. They’re just like us.” 
Eren’s throat bobs at your side and you can feel his eyes clenching in your peripheral vision. 
“One day, their regular lives ended and everything was taken away from them. They were deprived of all of their freedoms.” Eren states. 
And almost in a split second, Eren finally averted his gaze from looking down and meets your eyes for the first time. You’re not sure what it is – surely something from the makeup team that’s making his eyes look fuller, rounder – but the eye contact is almost excruciating this time. Your first instinct is to turn away. 
“Y/N. Why do you care so much about me?” 
You can feel your cheeks burning. That was the last thing you were expecting him to say. 
“Huh?” you repeat. 
“Is it because I saved you when we were little? Or is it because I’m your family?” 
You swallow hard, the block in your throat stifling. It’s almost like you can’t even push air out of it, like you’re opening your mouth to try and nothing can make it past – enough to fill you with a panic like you won’t ever speak again. Because you have the faintest inkling of what’s going to come next…why Levi was so adamant on asking if you would be able to follow his instructions. 
“I-” 
“What am I to you?” Eren asks. 
Everything. 
It’s the first word that comes to mind when he asks. 
“Ev–” 
You pause, as you feel the sweat accumulating on the edge of your hairline, fighting the urge to reach up to wipe it off. Levi’s voice is excruciating in your head. 
He’s going to ask you something. Or insinuate it – and no matter how badly you want to do whatever it is, you have to tell him no.
It’s almost painful. Having to say it when it isn’t true. When in reality, you know that you’re acting and Eren knows that you’re acting too – that this is just part of your job. But to even strike him down in the fake way, after weeks of building it back together, seems cruel. 
You sigh, shutting your eyes and taking a deep breath, before you look back up at his eyes. The deep green is enough to accumulate the thinnest film of tears in your eyes. 
“You’re family, Eren.” 
And after you mutter it, it’s visceral…an almost physical reaction from Eren. Because you can see the way his breath hitches, the way he hesitantly steps back – quite literally physically recoiling. And the regret sits heavy in your chest and you have to drop your eyes – because you can’t even bear to look at him. 
“Cut!” Levi calls. 
It’s enough to snap you out of the heaviness, as you shake your head at the resounding amount of chatter that follows. You can still feel your heart racing as the makeup team is quick to rush to your side – quickly powdering the sweat that had accumulated on your cheek as they do the same with Eren – and you can hear Connie and Reiner mumbling about how brutal that was to watch on the side. 
You look back up at Eren, whose hollow look hasn’t left his eyes and you give him a halfhearted smile – which he doesn’t return. Instead, he turns back to Levi and Hange, who are murmuring over the shot in the viewfinder. 
“Did we get it?” Eren nearly shouts.
“We got it. You killed it guys.” Levi responds, still fixated on the shot. 
“Do you still need me or can I go?” Eren asks. 
“Eren–” 
“You’re good, Eren.” Hange responds. 
Eren’s almost too quick with it, the way he yanks the little mic pack off the little sleeve in his jacket and hands it to the crew. And with his long bean stalk legs, he’s disappeared from your side before you can barely even process that he was standing there in the first place. 
--
You can’t bring yourself to talk to Eren until two days later, on the eve of his birthday and two days before the award show. Not because you’re actively avoiding him, but it seems that he gets so wrapped up in quite literally everything else he has to attend to. Though really, it feels like that the slight air of comfort that you had was completely shattered by filming the scene together. 
There’s a quiet knock on Eren’s door. He’s preemptively pissed off…and the quiet irritation that had been festering in his chest for the last few days was about to come to a head on Connie and Lana, who refused to take a hint. 
He had made it infinitely clear that he wanted to spend the early hours of his birthday alone. That he would be fine and dandy to celebrate with everyone the day after, but he needed the time to process some things alone. 
The tension diffuses when he realizes that it’s you at the door. There’s an almost timid look on your face, as you balance a little white box in your hands, and peek your head past the closet. 
“Am I disturbing you?” 
“No, of course not. Come in.” Eren responds, patting flat on the comforter for you to join him at his side. 
You give him a smile as you set the little box down, crossing your legs over each other to sit at his side. You lock your hands into the pits of your knees as you turn over towards him, taking a second chance to admire that his hair is the slightest bit shorter. 
“I really love your hair, Eren.” you respond. 
There’s an immediate flush in the apples of his cheeks. He reaches up to it, nervously pushing a hand through the strands before he drops it all together. 
“Thank you. The length was starting to get really fucking annoying.” Eren responds. 
“I liked the man-bun but I think this type of thing really suits you.” you respond. 
Eren looks over at you and gives you a halfhearted smile. And that quiet ease returns, maybe faster than Eren would have liked. The quiet moment of hurt that he was holding on to was absolved the second you smiled at him. 
Eren can hear Connie’s voice in his head – calling him down horrendous. 
“What can I do you for?” Eren asks. 
“It’s almost your birthday.” you state. 
“Congratulations, Y/N. You know how to read a calendar!” 
You scoff, before lightly shoving him in his side. 
“Shut up. I wanted to do something for you.” you respond, before lightly pushing the box in front of him. 
Eren gives you a weary look, before he opens up the little box. It’s a frosted green and white cake – with four candles in it. It’s a strange arrangement since they’re all numbered candles, making the number 2,345. 
“I guess I stand corrected. You really don’t know how to read a calendar.” Eren responds. 
Eren turns to the side, with the most annoying look on his face, as he turns to you and grins. 
“Okay, Y/N. Repeat after me. The year is 2024.” 
“Shut up, asshole. I was trying to be sweet.” you grumble, as you hike your knees to your chest. 
Eren rolls his eyes. 
“What’s so sweet about getting the age wrong on my cake?” Eren asks. 
“It’s actually to make up for every birthday of yours that I missed, dumbass.” you respond. 
Eren can feel his heart pounding in his chest. 
“What?” Eren asks. 
You shrug, before reaching down to adjust the candles from pushing into each other. 
“The last birthday I got to spend with you was your twenty-second birthday. I can imagine that the years’ that followed weren't exactly pleasant…that…that they might have been a reminder of what happened on the beach.” you start. 
That was the understatement of the year. 
“And it’s my fault that I missed your birthday. So, I thought that…we could make them up now. Hence the candles for three and four, for your twenty-third and twenty-fourth birthday. And today’s your twenty-fifth…it’s the least that I could do.” you respond. 
Eren thinks it’s rather unfair that he always seems to be at a loss of words when he’s with you.  Instead of being able to spill out what was really racketing through his brain – that it was getting infinitely harder to swallow down his feelings, that this was almost melting the resolve that he had made with himself to let you make the first move – he opens up his arms instead. 
You oblige, leaning forward and resting your chin against his shoulder, as you feel Eren scoop his arms around your waist. It’s almost like he’s resting his entire body weight on you, because you can feel his face digging into the softness of your neck, as you absentmindedly reach up for his hair, feeling the edges that were just freshly cut. The faint scent of the hairdressing spray still lingers. 
He’s quiet for sometime, but it’s only fitting that when he does break the silence, it’s with something annoying. 
“A cake with no plates is crazy, Y/N.” Eren mumbles. 
You laugh, as you reach inside the box for the two forks you tucked inside the box. You hand him one, as he tucks the ends of his hair behind his ears, and looks up at you. 
“Game plan. You eat all the frosting and I’ll eat all the cake.” Eren states. 
“Huh?” 
“Okay, that’s a little selfish. But it’s my birthday. And I just really hate frosting.” 
The thought that comes to your mind is enough to startle you, just in the slightest. 
Eren really is your soulmate. 
It’s stupid. A stupid comparison to make when the person that you’re comparing him to is Ricky James of all people. But you can’t help but think about that stupid memory, from before the Met Gala. Ricky had bought you that stupid cupcake – and very irritatingly swiped the frosting off of your finger. 
And the two of you bickered because you both preferred the frosting as opposed to the actual cake. And naturally, Ricky was never going to be the type to give up his frosting for you. 
It was sweet that way, with Eren. And you’re sure that the thought of invisible strings and single threads of gold tying you to Eren are really only on your mind because that’s what you sang to him the last time you got to spend his birthday with him, but it almost seems too perfect. 
That Eren likes the cake, but you like the frosting. That you’d always finish the cake if you were eating it together. 
Unbeknownst to you of course, Eren is fully aware of the fact that you are overly fond of the frosting on the cake. And that you have no idea that he really hates eating the spongy cake part and prefers the frosting too. 
But he doesn’t like the frosting nearly enough to not even think twice before offering it to you. 
--
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You only grace the red carpet for five minutes. You and Eren are above that at this point. But from what you were able to discern from Twitter backstage, after practicing your first set with Eren, it was eventful enough without you there. 
Sukuna splashed a glass of wine in Ricky’s already swollen eye from last week. Hyla tripped and fell when she got out of the limo. You and Eren spend a good amount of time reading through the stuff on your feed – and the perfectly timed blind items that you had submitted to every paparazzi company but the WBS were coming out just as you planned them. 
And surely enough, every single one of them was getting caught off guard when they were asked on the carpet – and couldn’t scramble a perfect PR response out. 
There were three blind items that were yours and the rest were strays. And you were fully intent on making sure that everyone, Danny and Sareen, knew that it was you who submitted them by the end of the night. 
First, that Ricky James had thrown an insanely murderous bitch fit at the front of the Institute Offices in New York when he found out that he had been replaced as the opening act, by Eren of all people. 
Which, according to your sources, was true. 
Second, that the producer for the critically acclaimed Ribbons album, Sareen Clarkson, had been cheating on her husband with industry plant John Stasny, who is twenty years her junior and had previously been linked to several famous actresses, like Historia Reiss. 
Which was also true. It had only been a few hours since it had been leaked, but the shit train that followed wasn't pretty.
If you were going to call her a fame fucker, you were going to make sure that everyone was going to understand the reference. 
And the third was that stupid magazine cover that Scott had mailed you and Eren. 
This was seemingly the last pillar that had to fall in taking down Scott Clarkson and his empire – or at least putting the tiniest bit of a dent in it. 
The only reason that the WBS was successful in the first place was the same reason that his label and movie company thrived the way they did – they were big enough to eliminate all the competition. 
But when it came to something like a tabloid, that centered around reporting on drama, it was almost natural to take them down in this way. If they were the only ones that lacked the information, then they’d be the only ones who would drop the ball on reporting it – and therefore, people would have to divert their attention away to someone else to get the information. 
The foundation seemed a bit bare, but you were already too far in to oppose it at this point. 
You feel a little tap on your shoulder and you turn around to find the two people who were going to be accompanying you for your first performance. 
The dopplegangers of you and Eren – from the Girlfriend and Because I Liked a Boy Performance. 
“Hi guys!” 
You reach forward and wrap your arms around both of them as they return the gesture and warmly hug back. Thankfully, they were more than happy to oblige with your second request – third for Penelope if you counted Girlfriend – to pretend to be you and Eren. 
You almost felt bad for marking this as their legacy so many times, but they were more than happy to oblige – citing the free food and the hefty paychecks as more than enough compensation. 
“Right, well. Eren, this is Penelope.” you state. 
“Yeah. Yeah, we’ve met before. Hi.” Eren responds, the look on his face so painstakingly awkward that you almost feel bad for the prank that you’re about to play on him. 
“And this is Scott.” you respond. 
It’s insanely bad timing, since you accidentally mention it while Eren’s taking a swig of his water bottle. And due to the shock, he consequently spits the entire contents back into the bottle and gives the three of you wide eyes. 
“Your name is fucking Scott?” 
“No, it’s Jason. Y/N paid me three bucks to say that.” he states. 
Eren looks at you, giving you a downright murderous glare, as he puts the water bottle down. 
“You bitch.” Eren grumbles
“It’s funny!” you respond. 
You shake him off as you turn back to Jason and Penelope and eye the little wardrobe rack on the side. 
“Okay. Hair and makeup is ready for you two whenever you are. And just remember, that if anyone asks you about the outfits –” 
“Mine is based on Selene, goddess of the moon.” Penelope states. 
“And mine is Poseidon, god of the sea.” Jason adds. 
You grin. The two of them give you a passing wave before they walk off to the other side of the stage and Eren makes a dramatic display of shuddering. 
“What?” 
“Don’t they like…freak you out?” Eren asks. 
“Why would they freak me out?” 
“They literally look like us! And they’re literally dating too which makes it even weirder!” 
You give him a weird look. 
“They aren’t dating.” you respond. 
Eren wraps his arm around your shoulder, before twisting you to the side of where their dressing rooms are – where the two of them are standing, kissing. 
“That looks really friendly to me.” Eren states, tone dripping with sarcasm. 
“What the hell?” 
“It’s weird!” Eren whispers. 
You shiver. 
“Ew. I don’t like that.” you respond. 
“Levi should hire them to do the kiss next week instead of us. Sure, they’ll enjoy it more than we will.” 
You can feel your cheeks burning. You know that it’s not what he meant – surely, that it couldn’t have been what he meant in the slightest but the sting still hits all the same. 
“Jesus. Didn’t realize you were so opposed to kissing me.” you mumble. 
Eren’s eyes go wide.
“I’m not opposed to kissing you!” 
“You just suggested that Levi and Hange should literally offer a salary to two people who kind of look like us just so you wouldn’t have to kiss me.” you deadpan. 
��No! I didn’t mean it like that!” 
“Well…don’t be weird about it! You don’t have to…want to kiss me. I know we’re just working and that it’s all like method acting or whatever. I’m not going to get offended if you don’t want to it’s just–”  
Eren looks agitated. If Sukuna was standing here, you know that he would have no self control and probably piss him off more by asking him if he needed to take a shit. 
“Y/N, just listen. I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable because I wrote a kiss into the script and told Levi and Hange that they can’t write it out this time.” Eren responds. 
And just as fast as his eyes go wide, his cheeks are bright pink this time as he suddenly busies himself with worrying about his costume to change the subject. 
It’s a hopeful thought and you’re clearly speaking faster than you’re thinking. Because it’s probably against your better judgment to assume that he wrote the kiss in just because he wanted to kiss you. 
You say it anyway. 
“You wrote the kiss into the script?” you ask, giving him a grin. 
“My costume seems like it’s going to be tight, right? It looks a little short at the legs? We should see if we can get this fixed in the next twenty minutes before we go on, so I don’t look like an idiot, you know?” 
You place a hand on his shoulder, to stop him from bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, and keep him standing on the ground. 
“You can relax. I was just messing with you. And your outfit looks fine, I think we should change now so we can make sure I don’t go swinging into the audience with the equipment.” 
Eren waits for you to finish changing before you walk over to the little makeshift hang-glider that you guys requested. He chooses to ignore commenting about how much he loves it when you wear red for the time being and focuses on making sure you don’t plummet to your imminent death from the moon you’re going to be hanging off of. 
Eren watches as you shuffle on the little seat, before he reaches around you and secures the little belt around your waist. You watch as he tightens it not only twice, but three times, before he reaches for your hand and secures the microphone around it next. 
“You know, I understand securing me to the moon but I think the microphone is a little much. I’m not going to go dropping it.” 
“I’m sorry for being overcautious. I’m not a big fan of…stints that include hanging in the air for so long.” Eren responds, as tightens the strap around your hand again. 
You pale. Of course he hates these type of things.
“No. No…I’m sorry. I totally forgot about that…I-I didn’t even realize that this might be really nerve wracking for you. We can take this part out if–” 
“No, no. I like the set design. How about you just promise to come back to me in one piece?” Eren asks. 
You sigh. 
“Of course.” 
And Eren gives you a gleaming, two dimpled smile in response, before he taps your side and walks over to his cue. As they send your little glider into the air, you can actually see the entire audience from the little break in the curtains at the top – and can spot a very annoyed Ricky James sitting front and center. 
With pink wine stains on his shirt. 
You look down at Eren, who looks up from his spot, and spares you one last thumbs up before the music stats. 
You have to give your props to Eren’s team for working out the set exactly as he wanted it. With the ocean on the left, you in the moon on the right, and Jason and Penelope doing their little slow dance on the beach in the middle. 
Eren:  You live in my dream state Relocate my fantasy I stay in reality You live in my dream state Any time I count sheep That's the only time we make up, make up You exist behind my eyelids, my eyelids Now I don't wanna wake up
Eren:  20-20, 20-20 vision Cupid hit me, cupid hit me with precision I wonder if you look both ways When you cross my mind (Yeah), I said, I said I'm sick of, sick of, sick of, sick of chasing You're the one that's always running through my daydream, I I can only see your face when I close my eyes
And surely enough, they lower you from your little vantage point behind the curtains to the bright flashing lights and the resounding cheers of the crowd – that are barely muffled out by your ear pieces – as you sing your part. 
Y/N:  Can I get a kiss? And can you make it last forever? I said I'm 'bout to go to war And I don't know if I'ma see you again
As Eren sings his second verse, they’re quick to lift the moon back up and off the stage in time for you to climb off – and for you and Eren to replace Jason and Penelope on the beach in the center. 
You and Eren hadn’t really practiced this part, though in hindsight it was simple enough. You just had to keep leaning in until they dimmed the lights – to make it look like you and Eren were going to kiss each other. 
Y/N:  Can I get a kiss? (Can I get a kiss?) And can you make it last forever? (Oh, forever) I said I'm 'bout to go to war (Go to war) I don't know if I'ma see you again (See you again) Can I get a kiss? (Can I) And can you make it last forever? (Can you) I said I'm 'bout to go to war ('Bout to) And I don't know if I'ma see you again
It’s excruciating to do it. To pretend – and in that second, you decide you’re going to kiss him anyways. Because he wraps his hand too perfectly around your neck to pull you closer and instinctively closes his eyes. 
And then it’s overwhelmingly embarrassing. Because the exact second you time moving forward is when Eren leans back, because they’ve pulled the curtains. And runs off to the side curtains, as you awkwardly stalk back. 
You try to swallow down that pit of shame in your throat as he turns back towards you, handing you an ice cold water bottle. 
“That was great! But was it really hot up there? Your face is all pink.” Eren asks. 
“Uh, yeah. I kind of had a panic up there.” 
Eren twists the cap off and instructs you to drink, biting cold enough to taper that burning heat in your cheeks, as he instinctively shakes his head. 
“I said come back in one piece.” 
“I am in one piece.” you grumble back, getting ready to go stalk off to your dressing room until you had to face him again four performances later. 
Eren doesn’t follow when you make it all the way to the little room, as you lean back in the chair and resort to massaging your temples. 
Too close. That was way too close. 
“Hey?” Eren asks. 
You can see Eren poking his head into your dressing room, bright green eyes curious as he looks down at you. 
“What?” you ask. 
“The answer is yes.” Eren responds. 
You glare, in irritation. 
“To what?” 
Eren bends down, pressing a kiss right into the thrumming pulse of your temple. 
“You asked me if you could get a kiss. Well really, you asked me seven times if you could get a kiss, but I’ll spare you the entire show.” Eren responds, tapping the frame of the door and giving you a bright smile before he steps back out. 
You sigh. The quiet moment of hurt that you were holding on to was absolved the second he smiled at you. And multiplied into the biggest, searing feeling in your chest when he kissed you. 
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There’s seven people in your dressing room after the fact. And one of them is Satoru Gojo, who counted as an additional ten people, which is when you take the sign that it’s probably time to duck out of there. 
You had three options – Connie and Eren who were having way too much fun with your special props, a group that had both Historia and Ymir in it, or Sukuna – who was standing by himself in the corner. 
There was a very obvious choice. 
He gives you a noncommittal nod as you walk up to his side and link your arm in with his. He’s nursing a tiny glass in his hand, which he offers to you. You know him well enough by now to know that it’s going to be some taste buds descreating drink, but decide to drink anyway. 
And surely enough, it burns all the way down to your esophagus, making you physically recoil as you hand the glass back to him. 
“Jesus. I feel bad for your liver.” you respond. 
“I actually don’t drink that much anymore. My liver is just fine.” Sukuna responds. 
“There’s no way. That just destroyed like…a quarter of your lobule.” 
“What the fuck is a lobule?” 
“The functional unit of the liver!” you respond. 
If looks could kill, Sukuna would have murdered you then and there. It’s at that moment that Eren and Connie run up to you, Eren quickly placing his hands on your cheeks to angle your face up towards him and place the little crown on your head. 
“Très magnifique!” Eren murmurs. 
“Wow. Who taught you French, Ratatouille?” 
“Does that count as a self-diss? You taught me French, ma lune.” 
You lightly shove him in the side, as everyone reaches for their cues on the stage and you crawl to the revolving stage underneath with Eren and Sukuna. And surely enough, Levi and Gojo delivered well on their promise with their prop guy. 
He perfectly replicated that god forsaken throne Scott was sitting on in that stupid magazine cover. You snag the little crown Eren placed on your head off to admire the work on it – the gold handiwork. You place your hands in the middle and test the fragileness, noting that it takes little to crack the pieces – before you place it back on your head. 
“So, who was on the right? Eren or Lana?” you ask. 
“I was on the right.” Eren responds. 
The group of you flinch as the music starts blaring above and take it as a sign to stick your earpieces in. And right on timing with the chorus, you can hear the screaming get louder – which you’re positive is people just overreacting to the fact that Gojo’s the first person in the ensemble showcase when he shouldn’t even be in it in the first place – and tap your hands nervously on the handles. 
I wanna be your endgame I wanna be your first string I wanna be your A-Team (whoa-whoa, whoa) I wanna be your endgame, endgame
“Sukuna. There’s pins right there, there’s no way she’s not going to jostle the crown off before she hands it to Lana.” 
“Got it.” Sukuna responds, shuffling away as you look back up to Eren. 
He looks down at you, tucking your hair behind your ear, which has your heart pounding in your throat. 
“Pretty dress.” Eren whispers. 
You give him a shrug, before laying down the fringe at your sides. 
“Nice suit.” you respond. 
“Eh. It’s kind of digging into my neck.” Eren responds. 
You stand up, rocking back on your heels, as you turn to face him. You reach forward, reaching for the top buttons of his dress shirt and task yourself with unbuttoning them. 
“You know, you could at least take me on a date first.” Eren grumbles. 
You hum in response, giving him a smile, as you stop at the third button and reach forward to readjust the layers of his necklaces. His skin is soft and warm underneath your fingertips and it gives you an insanely inappropriate thought. 
“What are you thinking?” Eren murmurs. 
“Nothing.” 
“You’re thinking something naughty.” 
“Ew. You have such a disgusting choice of words, Eren.” you whine. 
“What was it?” 
“Nothing, Eren. I was thinking about how pale you are.” you respond, letting go of the chains and reaching back to sit in your little chair. 
Eren reaches forward, grabbing you by the wrist and pulling you back. He’s quick with his other hand, securing it around your waist and holding you steady against him. His lips hover right by your ear, the gravel of his whispering makes you nearly squirm. 
“What were you thinking?” Eren asks. 
“Nothing, Eren. Really.” 
“I’m not an idiot. I’ve seen that look in your eyes before…and I know what it means. What were you thinking?” Eren asks. 
You groan, squirming out of his embrace. 
Where the hell did Sukuna get lost? 
“I just thought about something that people would notice, that's all. But we don’t–” 
“What was it?” 
You groan, before tucking your hair behind your ears. 
“I’m wearing red lipstick. And that’s a fairly…exposed patch of skin. People would notice if I–” 
“If you kissed me. Alright, go ahead and do it then.” Eren responds, angling his neck closer to you.” 
“Eren.” 
“C’mon. It’s almost our turn. You have to be quick with it.” Eren responds, gesturing frantically with your hands. 
You awkwardly step forward, placing your hands on the sides before you pinch your eyes shut and press a lingering kiss to his neck. You can feel Eren lightly tilt his head back and inhale sharply the second you make contact – but you chose to ignore it. 
You pull back and examine the mark, though it’s rather faint. Eren clocks it fast enough, as he gestures with his hands again. 
“Another one won’t hurt. C’mon.” Eren whispers. 
“Okay, yeah.” you respond. 
You press your lips to his neck again, this time earning you Eren’s hand squeezing into your side – where it was resting at your waist – as you pull back and admire the mark. You look back up at him, feeling an itching sensation all over as you give him an awkward smile. 
“You guys are fucking insane, you know that?” Sukuna mutters. 
“Sukuna! Where the fuck did you go?” you respond, angrily snatching the little pins from his hands and securing them into your hair. 
You sit back down on the throne, as you hear the little countdown ringing in your ear, and prepare yourself to sing the last portion of the song. You can feel both of their hands on your shoulders – squeezing hard – as you lift the microphone to your lips. 
Big reputation, big reputation Ooh, you and me, we got big reputations, ah And you heard about me, oh I got some big enemies (hey) Big reputation, big reputation (yeah) Ooh, you and me, we'd be a big conversation, ah And I heard about you, ooh You like the bad ones too
You rustle the crown off of your head and hand it to Sukuna, who walks over to the edge of the stage and tosses it right to Lana in the front row. Who takes it in her hands and breaks it in half before throwing it behind her back. 
I hit you like, "Bang" We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't And I bury hatchets but I keep maps of where I put 'em Reputation precedes me, they told you I'm crazy I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me And I can't let you go, your handprint's on my soul It's like your eyes are liquor, it's like your body is gold You've been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks So here's the truth from my red lips  
I wanna be your endgame (endgame) I wanna be your first string (me and you) (first string) I wanna be your A-Team (be your A-Team now) I wanna be your endgame, endgame I wanna be your endgame (oh, I do) I wanna be your first string (first string) I wanna be your A-Team (A-Team) I wanna be your endgame, endgame
--
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--
The last part is the most nerve wracking. You had to abandon your sweet post of sitting in between Eren and Mikasa at your table for your last performance of the night – which was going to be announced by Danny and Sareen. 
It’s like sitting on pins and needles, getting your hair done and slipping into the sparkly but scratchy dress. And surely enough, when you wait on the edges of the curtain and watch them stage your set – of a grand piano and little star decals – they join you at your side. You can feel your hands shake, nearly dropping the trophy in your hands, as you spare them a glance. 
They’re shorter than you remember and frankly, less intimidating too. That coupled with the fact that Danny has a bright pink eye and the slightest bit of dried blood around his nose.
“What happened to your face?” you sneer. 
Danny rolls his eyes. 
“Ask your boy-toy.” he responds. 
You fight the urge to smile, and make a mental note that Eren deserves every bit of your praise when you see him next, as you turn your head back to the stage, where the announcer is presenting the highlights of your career on the back screen. And surely enough, the two of them awkwardly jostle their arms in with yours as the three of you walk out together. 
You stare blankly out in the audience. And refuse to smile. 
You can see Eren sitting front and center as he gives you the smallest thumbs up in support.
“One of our crowning achievements is getting to work with this lovely young lady right here, on some of our most famous albums, like The Lucky One. Please give a well deserved round of applause for the unstoppable Y/N L/N, who will finally be gracing us with her triple threat performance.” Sareen states. 
You note the drag in her voice when she says the word finally. And you fight the acidic feeling that accumulates in your mouth as you’re suddenly acutely aware of the fact that you’re standing next to the two people you hate the most – who continue to take credit for the one thing that’s yours. 
“Out of the three, Y/N has chosen to mimic the signing performance that awarded her this coveted prize. She will be playing her brand new song, vampire, on the piano. A true testament to all the work that the three of us put together as a team, in molding her into a skilled pianist.” Danny states, sticking his hand out to Sareen as the two of them walk off and take a seat right at the front. 
You can feel your skin steaming as you place the award on the top of the piano and sit down at the keys. You’re able to catch Sukuna’s striking pink hair moving on your left – to the seats behind Danny and Sareen – as you take that as your cue to start performing. 
Hate to give the satisfaction, asking how you're doing now How's the castle built off people you pretend to care about? Just what you wanted Look at you, cool guy, you got it I see the parties and the diamonds sometimes when I close my eyes Six months of torture you sold as some forbidden paradise I loved you truly Gotta laugh at the stupidity
“Eren. You okay? You’re shaking the entire table.” Lana asks, leaning over to whisper in his ear. 
Eren absentmindedly looks down and notices the nervous shaking in his leg, as he turns to his side and spares her a glance. He can note that Lana's concerned because this is starkly similar to the last time the two of them were here together.
When you were singing your isolating, heart-shattering piano ballad about him, while he was hanging his head in between his legs. After you had slapped him, after you had yelled at him after everything that had happened.
That was far from it. It was the way your hands were shaking on the piano keys that was stressing him out. He needed you to make it through the entire thing. Desperately.
“I’m nervous. I think she’s going to cry.” Eren whispers back. 
'Cause I've made some real big mistakes But you make the worst one look fine I should've known it was strange You only come out at night I used to think I was smart But you made me look so naive The way you sold me for parts As you sunk your teeth into me, oh Bloodsucker, famefucker Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire 
You’re crying. 
Because all you can think about is how the two of them were just standing there, arms linked in with yours, in a moment that was supposed to be yours. That every moment that was supposed to be yours was theirs – and that even at the end of all of that, their still the one standing their proud with their careers when you had to suffer at the hands of it. 
That taking your career was one thing, but taking advantage of the fact that you knew nothing was another. Because you were a teenager, who was so attached to her dream that she'd do anything to get it, especially when people at the top – were promising it to her.
All at the expense of Eren and his feelings. At the expense of your relationship.
You can feel your hands shaking, your vision entirely blurred as you feel the tears start to pour out of your eyes – your singing voice coming out entirely strained as you continue to push your keys on the piano. And you’re able to strain enough until you get right to the bridge and pause. 
They had a responsibility to look out for you as an adult. And did the exaxt opposite.
You reach back to the slicked back bun and snag the pink ribbon that was secured into the little hair tie. The same pink ribbon that was dangling from your hair the day you were stranded in that godawful rain. And yank it straight out of your hair and wrap a little bow around the bottom of the award. 
You wipe the wetness on your cheek, coming back with the slightest smudge on the back of your hand, before you press your hands into the keys and continue singing. The continuation has people rising out of their seats – and you don’t fail to notice that Eren’s the first one to do it – as you finish the song. 
You said it was true love, but wouldn't that be hard? You can't love anyone, 'cause that would mean you had a heart I tried you help you out, now I know that I can't 'Cause how you think's the kind of thing I'll never understand
I've made some real big mistakes But you make the worst one look fine I should've known it was strange You only come out at night I used to think I was smart But you made me look so naive The way you sold me for parts As you sunk your teeth into me, oh Bloodsucker, famefucker Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire
You take the award and stand up from the bench of the piano to walk straight off the stage, directly to where Sareen and Danny are sitting in the front. Sukuna’s taken the hint to leave the open chair he was sitting in between them and retreats back to his original, as you place the award in between the two of them. 
“Congratulations. I hope it was everything you ever wanted, assholes.” you seethe. 
You slam the award down onto the open space between them, enough for them both to jump up in their seats and spill a glass of wine down the length of Sareen’s dress, as you angrily march back to your seat. And surely enough, Eren and Mikasa are waiting there with open arms, ready to wipe your glittery tears away. 
And as the cameras drop and they cut to commercials for four minutes, you lean your head against Eren’s shoulder as Mikasa pours you a glass of water. 
“So fucking good. So fucking amazing, Y/N you–” Eren whispers.
"Eren even punched him in the face earlier, Y/N! It looked like it really hurt." Mikasa murmurs.
You look up at Eren, and he's grinning so hard, that you can't even fight the urge to not smile back.
"Why'd you punch him?" you ask.
"You slapped Scott Clarkson for me. Why am I not allowed to punch Danny for you?" Eren asks.
You feel a tap on your shoulder and look to your left to find Hange and Levi standing at your side, which really only brings on a more powerful stream of tears. Levi instinctively opens up his arms as you lean against his shoulder instead, Eren standing closeby with Sukuna at his side now.
“Was that everything you wanted Hange?” you groan. 
Hange smiles. 
“And more, kid. I, uh. Actually have something for you.” Hange responds. 
“What’s that?” you ask. 
Hange gestures to Connie at the side, as he produces a small, golden trophy in Hange’s hands. 
“I really don’t give a shit about this anymore. S’kind of how it goes with this type of thing. But, I know this award, this one in my hands specifically meant the world to you back in the day, so I want you to have it.” Hange murmurs. 
You frown. 
“Hange. You can’t just give that to me.” you respond. 
“You gave yours away because it gave you more pain than it was worth. Mine did the same for me at the time too. But, it gives me joy to give it back to you, because really, you deserved it. Back then, but even now too.” 
You take the little golden trophy in your hands, noting that it’s much smaller and really not even as shiny as the one that they had just handed you, and press it close to your chest. 
“Hange, thank you so much. You have no idea what this even means to me.” you whisper, as you wrap your arms around their neck. 
Hange spares Eren a glance over the shoulder and gives him a big thumbs up, coupled with Levi’s approving smile. 
It’s the rare times that Eren’s overthinking habit comes in handy. When he’s able to think ahead and fix things before they happen. 
“I have an idea, kid.” Hange responds. 
--
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Levi and Hange give you a three day break when you get back to set. You’re not sure what exactly it was that came out of you when you did your last performance, but it was almost like it drained the life out of you. Eren nearly had to drag you back onto that plane and consequently, to your room, when you made it back to the set. 
He thinks that you’ve finally let go of what you’ve been holding on to. And that you can finally move forward now. 
You told him that Marco must have been haunting him overtime for the past few days, which earned you a hearty laugh from him. 
And surely enough, on the fourth day, you’re able to muster your legs down to the kitchen – to a group of well meaning cheers from the group of them – as you read the little slots on the schedule pasted on the fridge. And surely enough, Levi was going to throw you right back into the thick of it. 
Wednesday, April 6th, 8:00 AM 
Eren Head Decapitation 
It’s a stupid caption. If you didn’t know what it meant, you would even laugh at it. 
But you had read ahead already – and knew that it meant that it was finally time for you and Eren to get that kiss scene out of the way.
--
next part linked here
taglist: @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06  @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha  @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimp @gojojang @yookayyo @lordbugs @multiplefandomthings @iobeyfandoms @camilo-uwu @justanotherkpopstanloll @mel-star636 @fvckingeetar @ttalgi @najaemism @ilovekimchi123 @youraggedybitch @xoyumiqls @leafguitar @spiidergirlsworld @luvs4kim @levin4nami @florichun @hoonmyluv
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rip-quizilla · 3 months
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Polyjamourous
Eddie x GN!Reader
Description: You get a job at the record store, where you terrorize Eddie with so many different genres of music that he gets whiplash, but your energy is adorable so he's instantly soft for you.
Tags: big grumpy/sunshine trope here, fluff, workplace relationship (kind of), outgoing!reader, Hannah putting her liked songs on shuffle and using them here shamelessly, no physical description of reader other than hinting that they have a glorious gyatt that Eddie can't help but stare at.
Word Count: 2.4K
A/N: I didn't coin the term "polyjamourous"! I saw it in a TikTok by Viktor Fellbrink. Does it describe me perfectly though? Absolutely.
🎧🎧🎧
When Eddie had interviewed you for a job at the record store downtown, one of the first questions he’d asked was about your taste in music. Your response had caught him so off guard that he couldn’t hold back a laugh.
“I’m polyjamourous.” you’d said. 
Eddie had blinked a couple of times, a snorted laugh jumping from his throat. “Polyjamorous…” he’d repeated, an amused grin ticking up the corner of his mouth. “That’s one I have not heard before.”
You had shrugged, smiling the same way you’d been smiling throughout the entire interview. “I listen to a little bit of everything, I like pretty much all music.” 
What Eddie had expected from that was mostly pop, maybe a classic rock hit here and there. Judging by the ripped jeans and Doc Martens you were wearing the day of your interview, he suspected there may have been an emo/alt rock phase in your history so maybe some Paramore or MCR. 
What he hadn’t been expecting was the fact that when you said you liked all music, you meant all music. 
A month into working with you, and he already dreaded the days that you’d signed your name on the list entitled “Aux Cord Dibs” that sat on a tattered clipboard under the counter. The first hour of your shuffled liked songs on Spotify, and Eddie already had whiplash. 
The songs that played (in order) were:
Satisfied- The Broadway Cast of Hamilton
Raise Hell- Brandi Carlile
The Offering- Sleep Token
Magical- Ed Sheeran
Dream a Little Dream of Me- Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong
Just to name a few.
Not only were you completely unashamed that the first song to pop up under your aux cord time was a fucking show tune, but you knew every word. You sang, rapped- acted- every word. 
Eddie was now absolutely sure that you had had an emo phase, because this meant you were also a theater kid (same as him, but he wasn’t about to admit that to you) and in Eddie’s experience, most theater kids were also emo kids in some way, shape, or form.
“How much coffee did you drink this morning?” he’d muttered once you’d finished your one-woman show whilst shelving new records. 
“No coffee, this is all natural.” You’d said that with a grin so wide, it was obvious to him that you knew how obnoxious that sounded and you were taking it in stride. 
“You’re just the Energizer bunny… naturally?” 
Somehow, you grinned wider. “Yes!”
You can imagine how terrified Eddie was when you pulled a Celcius out of your bag an hour later. What happens when you give an energy drink to a person with natural energy?
You get impromptu dance breaks. 
Eddie had been boxing up an online order when out of the corner of his eye, he saw your oversized sweatered form bouncing around between aisles to the beat of whatever K-Pop bullshit was currently assaulting his speakers. 
Wordlessly, his eyes drifted to the monitor displaying the security camera feed where he found a full view of your hopping, stepping, and jumping to the bouncy rhythm of a Korean song with random English words sprinkled in. The grainy feed from the camera even picked up the subtle motion of your lips moving, and Eddie’s lips couldn’t help but twist into an amused little smile when he realized that must mean you were even trying to lip sync to the words, and he might be wrong but he was pretty sure you didn’t speak Korean.
His shoulders shook, silently chuckling at your antics until the music slowed down in tempo. Your hips began to move in slow, pronounced circles, sending the rest of your body rolling with the momentum. Eddie knew you didn’t mean to turn him on with the way your hips were moving… but you had an ass that shook when you walked, much less when you were actually wiggling your hips around. It wasn’t a you problem that was making Eddie’s eyes bug out of his skull and glue themselves to the screen; it was definitely an Eddie problem.
He had to keep it professional; Eddie was a shift manager, and while he wasn’t technically your boss, that was a gray area delicate enough that he didn’t plan on rushing into anything risky. The last thing he should be doing was ogling you on the security camera like a fucking creep. So, he made a point to pay attention to literally anything else whenever you started dancing around the store like some sort of coked-up cheerleader.
After a few shifts with Eddie, you started to notice that he was pointedly ignoring your antics- which made forcing him to pay attention all the more entertaining. The job could be boring on slow days, so this was how you entertained yourself- annoying the shit out of Eddie Munson.
Eddie: “If I hear one more show tune, I’m commandeering the aux cord.”
You: Proceeds to belt all three parts of Sincerely Me from Dear Evan Hansen, complete with choreography.
Eddie: “Is there any metal on this playlist? Just one song? I need a breather…”
You: Introduces Eddie to Babymetal.
One day, you even forced Eddie to suffer through Lizzo. That was funny as all hell, if you’d ever seen it. 
“I feel like I’m walking through a Forever 21.” He’d grumbled as you cheekily shimmied your shoulders at him and mimed a toss of your hair for good measure. 
“First of all,” you laughed, “I’m impressed you know what Forever 21 is.”
“I have been to a mall, you know.”
“Second,” you continued, “You’re starting to come off as a bit of a music elitist.”
Eddie shook his head, shelving new records from the stack of crates on the floor. “It isn’t a crime to know what I like and don’t like, kid.”
You smirked, reaching wordlessly over to the media center behind the counter and turning up the music. It was empty in the store save for you and Eddie, so the change in volume wouldn’t hurt anyone. Lizzo’s Like a Girl rang out through the speakers, and you made a show of losing yourself to the beat just to spite the metalhead before you. 
Eddie sighed, looking up to the ceiling as if God himself could save him from this torment; he couldn’t stop the whisper of a smile from creeping into the corners of his lips. “What did I do to deserve this shit?” he groaned.
Your grin was blazing, infectious in the way you wore it with reckless abandon as you danced from shelf to shelf with one of the crates of records. When the crate was empty, each album carefully nestled in its appropriate place, you set the crate down on the floor right as the chorus started and your hips shook in time with the drop of the beat. 
Eddie had been looking out the corner of his eye the whole time, but averted his gaze immediately once you were shaking your ass in the air. Unbeknownst to you, he was doing everything in his power not to stare.
Bouncing as you perked back up, you flashed him a sadistic grin and shrugged. “You just make it so much fun to torture you, sorry.” 
Eddie rolled his eyes, “That was the emptiest apology I’ve ever heard.” To which you laughed and heartily agreed, launching your whole self into shaking all you had to the beat, even going so far as to plant your foot on the edge of the counter. 
You looked more silly than sexy, even Eddie could admit that, but it was your reckless abandon and giant fucking smile that made him break in that moment. You were shaking your ass- was that twerking? Eddie didn’t think it was twerking, but then again, he wasn’t an expert- and singing along to the music with so much energy that Eddie’s smile finally won his face over. He nodded his head to the beat, even shimmied his shoulders a little, and watched you make an adorable fool of yourself. 
That was when the door opened, sending a chime through the shop as a very confused Steve and Robin walked through the door just in time to see you shaking your ass in their direction. 
As far as you knew, these two were customers, so you swiftly tore your foot from the counter and started to apologize before Steve cut you off with a lopsided grin and a midair brush of his hand. 
“Please don’t apologize, because that might be the best first impression you could’ve made on me.” He confidently strode forward, already extending a hand which you happily accepted. Steve had a way of putting people at ease, Eddie had noticed, even if they had been the opposite of “at ease” before he’d entered the scene. 
He watched straight-faced as Steve struck up a conversation with you about being friends with Eddie and stopping by to say hello, then proceeded to introduce himself and ask you about yourself with the confidence and coolness that came so easily to people like Steve Harrington. Eddie chewed his lip and felt an unwelcome flare of jealousy in his stomach when you gave Steve the same smile that- up until now- you’d been giving him. 
 “So that’s the new hire you told us about?” Robin asked, voice low enough that only Eddie could hear.
He nodded, eyes trained on Steve as he said some joke that made you laugh. “Yeeeeeuup.” Eddie drew out the word, lacing passive aggression into every extra syllable. 
“I see.” Robin looked at Eddie, arching an eyebrow as she wordlessly assessed him, then slowly looked at you and smiled knowingly. “Well, if you’re gonna make a move, better beat Steve to it.”
Eddie sighed and shook his head, murmuring out the corner of his mouth “Stay. Out of it.”  before picking up his crate of records and moving to a different shelf. You were out of sight, but your and Steve’s voices still carried to where he worked. 
“...a little bit of everything.” Eddie heard you say, picking up on your conversation as he silently shelved new inventory. “What kind of music do you listen to?”
“Nothing in particular, I just jam to whatever’s on the radio.” Already inwardly cringing at how Steve must be shrugging or tossing his hair or some shit, Eddie eavesdropped inconspicuously. “Compared to a seasoned listener like yourself, I must sound like an idiot. You should make a playlist for me, so I can know what an expert would recommend.” 
“Expert?” you snorted, “Oh I’m hardly an expert. Half of what I listen to is garbage, but it’s fun garbage so I’m not ashamed. Eddie’s the expert.”
Eddie’s eyes widened. He wasn’t sure if you knew he was nearby enough to hear you, but he wasn’t about to miss out on whatever you were about to say about him, so he remained silent and out of sight. 
Harrington scoffed. “Expert on metal, sure, but unless you’re into headbanging and screaming, I think he’d be pretty lost-”
“Not true.” you interjected. “He likes some classic rock, a bit of old school jazz- you know I played a song by Bob Dylan one day, and he started rattling off all these facts about the guy?” 
Eddie remembered that day. He’d almost told you that he knew all those facts because his mom had loved Bob Dylan, but he thought talking about his dead mom might be a little more personal than you were prepared to get with him so early into knowing him. 
“When Eddie hears music he thinks is good, it doesn’t matter what genre it is- he respects it whether it’s his taste or not.” Eddie had long since stopped shelving; he stood stock still, listening with wide eyes as you spoke with more admiration in your voice than Eddie had ever expected to belong to him. “I play a crazy wide range of music when I work with him, and every time a song I really love comes on it’s hard for me to not focus on how he’s reacting to it. It’s like every time, I’m in my head like- will he like this one?”
Steve was quiet for a moment before Eddie heard him reply, “Sounds like you’re hoping you’ll impress him.” 
Eddie felt his heart start beating a little faster. Were you?
You giggled a little, and for a moment Eddie’s heart fell when he thought you were laughing at the very insinuation that you might want to impress him.
“Yeah, I guess I am.” he heard  you say. “I haven’t known Eddie long, but I’ve always thought he’s an impressive person. It’s hard not to want to impress him back.”
Eddie couldn’t suppress his smile even if he’d wanted to. Sneaking around the shelves where you couldn’t see him, he turned a corner to continue his work as he hummed to himself.
After you’d locked the doors at 8, the two of you were closing down the shop alone as your playlist quietly painted the quiet evening air. You were walking through the store doing your final check while Eddie took inventory, and Eddie had been silently nodding his head to the beat of the music as you came into view of the checkout counter.
“What song is this?”
Your eyes widened, and the eagerness in your gaze made Eddie’s heart just about burst. 
“Uh, it’s Chicken by Your Neighbors.” you stuttered, “You like it?”
“Yeah,” he smiled, softly, “it’s good.”
There was that blinding grin again, contagious in how it fed his until it doubled in size. “Yeah, it is.” 
A pause settled between the two of you, song lyrics potent in the evening’s silence. 
You ain’t got no time to wait
You don’t get what you don’t ask for
“Hey, uhh…” Eddie was quick to grab your attention, and you watched him wide-eyed and expectant. “...feel like getting pizza after this? Surfer Boy doesn’t close ‘til midnight, and I was gonna stop by to see my buddy Argyle after closing anyway, so-”
“Yes!” you agreed, a little more eagerly than you had originally intended to come across. You cleared your throat, “I mean, if it’s no trouble-”
“No trouble at all, it's just down the street, I’ll walk with you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
You were both grinning like idiots, but neither of you seemed to care. You continued your closing duties, both of you nodding your heads to the beat of the music and enjoying the feelings that, though unspoken and undefined, were currently nestling comfortably into your chest and his. 
Taglist: (really just people I have been talking about this to, I hope you like it❤️) @the-unforgivenn, @vintagehellfire, @munson-blurbs, @hellfire--cult, @word-wytch
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yukidragon · 3 months
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May we have a story about Jack's clingy side and uses his puppy dog eyes to make MC to cuddle with him longer? (He uses the puppy dog eyes whenever he wants something and it works 100% of the time) Jack kind of reminds me of a giant puppy.
I love this idea! Jack definitely knows how to channel puppy energy to his advantage, and my MC Alice definitely falls for it every time.
In fact, I love this idea so much that it inspired me to turn it into a quick writing prompt. I also remembered that I owe everyone a nice little Jack x reader fic from the poll I made last year, so I wrote this writing exercise in 1st person gender neutral perspective.
So here it is, just a short but sweet first draft story about clingy Jack giving his sunshine some puppy dog eyes and pleading to get a bit more cuddle time. I don't think any real warnings apply, though it does get a little suggestive. Also, I think this might count as GrovelCore?
Anyway, I hope you enjoy my writing, and consider leaving a comment please!💕
@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps
...
It was nice to have moments like this, just the two of us on the couch cuddled up together. The way Jack wrapped me up in his big, strong arms made me feel so safe, so content. Even though I was tucked comfortably in his lap, he practically surrounded me with his warmth. It was the perfect way to spend a day off from work.
The show on TV was entertaining, but it wasn’t enough to draw my attention away from Jack for long. He didn’t seem to be paying attention to it at all. Every time I looked up at him, I never failed to see those beautiful dark brown eyes of his gazing back at me. His mouth was shaped in a gentle curve of a smile, his expression almost dreamy as he admired me with so much love and adoration in his eyes that it sent my heart racing. I had to look away when the butterflies in my chest fluttered so hard they were ready to burst out of me.
Fuck, I was so down bad for this man, I was down atrocious.
A gloved finger brushed against my cheek, slowly tracing the contours of my face until reaching my chin. The sensation sent a delicious shiver down my spine, and my eyes returned to Jack as he gently guided my face back towards him.
“Looks like the show’s over,” Jack said. I blinked, caught off-guard, before my eyes darted to the screen to see the credits scrolling by. His honeyed voice drew me back before I could get distracted from his loving gaze for long. “What do you want to do now, sunshine?”
The first thought that popped into my head made my cheeks burn and brought back those damn butterflies. The second thought reminded me to check the time.
Ah damn it. Curse must-watch binge-worthy television. Why must I always fall for your siren song of “just one more episode”?
“Not run errands, that’s for sure, but it’s getting late,” I said with a heavy sigh, banishing the butterflies and steamy thoughts to whence they came. “Groceries aren’t going to buy themselves, and I’ve got a bunch of other stuff I should get out of the way while I’m out too.” I sighed again, shoulders slumping.
Being a responsible adult dealing with all the responsible adult bullshit sucked sometimes. A lot of the time. Actually probably most of the time considering how many hours in a day got eaten up by a cringy job and entitled customers.
I twisted away from Jack and tried to stand, but his large muscular arms kept me locked up tighter than iron bars. I turned back to him with a questioning look, only to see him pouting at me.
“I know it’s important to be responsible, sunshine, but don’t you think you’ve been pushing yourself too hard lately?” he asked. “We have plenty of food to last a few more days, and you’ve been working overtime for the past five nights in a row. You come home too exhausted to do anything but sleep, then you go right back to work. It’s not good for you.”
“I know,” I said with a helpless shrug. “But what can I do about it? Bills aren’t going to pay themselves either.”
Jack adjusted his hold on me, not enough that I could slip free, but I could feel his hands glide slowly along my back, sending a shiver up my spine. “I know, but it’s just been so long since we’ve had any cuddle time,” he said, his pout making its way into his voice now.
I couldn’t help but chuckle a little at the way his lower lip jutted out just a little further. “You see me every day,” I teased, trying to lighten up the mood. “Besides, we woke up cuddling this morning, didn’t we? You sleep with me every night.”
“You’ve been too tired to cuddle lately,” Jack said, whining a little. “Even this morning, you didn’t really wake up until halfway through breakfast. This is the first chance in days that I’ve had to really have you all to myself.” He dipped his head down, closer to mine, and I couldn’t help but notice the way the TV’s gentle glow made his dark eyes shine. “I missed you, sunshine.”
His big soulful eyes tugged at my heartstrings, and his gentle caress along my back made me want to melt into him. “I missed you too,” I admitted after a moment. We couldn’t exactly talk when other people were around, and work had been too busy for us to even sneak a kiss without the risk of getting caught in the act.
 I was pretty sure Jack wouldn’t mind even if someone else could see him making out with me. In fact, I had a sneaking suspicion that he might even enjoy getting caught. Sometimes this man acted like he had no idea what it meant to feel shame.
Then again, Jack was always painted up like a clown 24/7. If he wasn’t embarrassed by the bright face paint or his silly jokes, then he probably didn’t know the meaning of the word.
Sometimes I wished that I could say the same. The idea of being seen making weird faces while holding onto the air left me feeling a level of cringe that not even the greeting at my job could match. It probably would be a kiss with tongue too knowing Jack.
The thought left me burning, both with mortification and the memory of the way his kisses made me feel.
Maybe it would be worth the embarrassment considering how good of a kisser Jack was.
As if reading my mind, Jack brushed his lips against mine, just a peck, but it was enough to snap my attention entirely to my boyfriend. “Then stay with me,” he said with a hint of desperation to his breathy voice. “Please?” He planted another kiss on my lips, just a little longer but still only a tantalizing taste of what he could offer me. “I need you.”
Jack finished off the last of my resistance by saying my name in that same pleading tone while looking at me with so much love and need in his beautiful dark brown eyes. His desperate voice and puppy dog eyes made me melt like cotton candy in water.
I gave in to him. I couldn’t help it. I was weak to him when he begged me like this, and I needed Jack just as badly as he needed me.
“Jack,” I sighed as I looped my arms around his neck and drew Jack in for another kiss. I could feel him smile against my lips, and he murmured my name again before his tongue slid into my mouth to get a taste of me.
Soon I was pinned against the couch, breathless and panting, with Jack looming above me. His arms were a cage that secured me there and ensured that I wasn’t leaving anytime soon. Not that I wanted to with the way his mouth moved along my neck, hot and wet. I couldn’t help but moan his name as he sucked on my skin, arching up into him.
Even before Jack started tugging at my shirt, I had a feeling that I wasn’t getting any errands done today, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Every touch, every kiss, and every murmur of my name along with sweet praise made the world around us fade away, until nothing else existed but the two of us and our love.
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charmedreincarnation · 11 months
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I manifested my dream life 🥳🎊🎉
Long post incoming ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
Hi everyone. my name is Asanatu (call me sana or asa) and I just want to share my success story. Anyways, A+p, Intention, plus the void state was the method I always resonated with with. I also joined and was apart of tumblr pretty actively during the time when these were “the methods.”
I was making so much headway! I manifested money, better looks, better grades and mental health and I even mini shifted. Things were looking bright and I knew my shitty circumstances would be a memory of the past and everything would be easier. Then the switch to states, Neville Goddard,and Edward Arts happened and I was so lost. Then creators who even used the void or a+p were suddenly bullying and attacking people
for thinking thoughts create reality instead of states. They were attacking people for using the void and putting it on the pedestal even though they used it to achieve their dream life 🤡🤡 sucess stories dropped drastically, tensions were tight, and entitlement and shoving states down our throats was happening at an all time high. Honestly I gave up with the law and shifting bc I started to believe a+p truly didn’t work bc everyone was preaching that perspective out of no where even though we all started with that and people used it !!!!! Now the same is happening to non dualism…so it will be even more over complication and entitlement for the competition to be the most all knowing and debunker of the law. It will be less success stories, more tension, and paragraphs upon paragraphs on their beliefs but no success to show for it so I am most definitely leaving tumblr and for anyone who wants recourses maybe read and stick to the og creators from December for. Few posts and then dip
Expeditiously, pleaseee !!!!!
I also need to take accountability for
Myself. I’m sending this on anon mode because I have been so rude to so many bloggers and projected my newfound doubt to random, kind, helpful bloggers and I have to apologize. Most of them won’t see this because I’m blocked, but none of you guys deserved it. I would tag them but it was most Loa creators which is so embarrassing to admit, but again I apologize.
After having some self awareness I decided to stop being a loser and take accountability for my own life. I said fuck it and went back to a+p and the void state. I just affirmed robotically and used some subliminals for the void state from popular successful void blogs. After two weeks I got into the void state and manifested my dream life. After complaining and procrastinating for 6 months. As much as tumblr is toxic and the dumb entitled energy is radiating extra bright you all have to grow up and stick to what works for you. You have free will and godly powers no matter how many big headed bloggers try to intimidate you.
A summary of my manifestations from the void are: millionaire parents, 4.3 cumulative gpa, being apart of my schools honors society, dream graduation (it was yesterday) 10/10 looks, acceptance to Harvard, dream body and natural fast metabolism, being a master shifter, list of hobbies and talents, dream personality, huge mansion, cute kind rich bf, and being a desired it girl
I want to say so much more but Moral of the story is stick to what has worked you, take accountability for your journey, and ignore what doesn’t resonate with you.
I think a lot of people will relate to this. No matter what you believe in, whether that be states, non dualism, the void, a+p,etc just persist on your faith. Congrats anon and good on you for taking accountability for your own journey. I also can only speak for myself but I forgive you :)
Edit: a+p is affirm and persist
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muichiro-tokito122 · 29 days
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KnY boys when drunk
(pt. two like I promised, my lovley’s ❤️)
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Sanemi— The soft one
Sanemi Shinazugawa was one of the meanest people you’ve met. Always yelling and screaming and throwing things and punching and killing people, well— maybe not killing people. But after he lost a game of heads or tails for the 10th time tonight, he’d gone soft. Cheeks warmed and eyes lidded, all the shots he’d guzzled down toasty throughout him, the numb sensation creeping over him from head to toe. You had been sitting out with Kochō and Mitsuri (who was being watched like a hawk by Obanai), when your white haired boyfriend draped himself over the backrest of the couch, his mouth latching onto the soft lobe of your ear. “Hey, boo. What’s up? Got tired of Tengen’s antics?” Shared giggles leave all the girls glossy lips, and you stroke his cheek as he replies in a pouty manner, his mouth moving down your neck, leaving gentle, red marks in their trail. “Can we go home yet..?”
Iguro— The bratty/whiny one
“My head fuckin hurts, (name)!” He’s been complaining all night, clinging to you like it’s negative 50 degrees in this room. You noticed he’s light weight, he didn’t have many drinks, and the ones he did, he made sure you were straddled and snug on his thighs, scooting close in his lap, blocking his face from view when he sipped on his drinks. You talked to him while gently stroking strands of his hair out of his face, admiring his fetching eyes, the ones he was so insecure about. But gentle shifts of your hips as you talked, plus the heat brang from the alcohol didn’t do much help to his now hardened dick. “Stop shifting you minx.” “It’s not my fault you act like a teenage boy in heat.” “Be quiet.” He rests his hands on your waist, tugging you closer and resting his head on your shoulder. “Clingy, aren’t we?” “Shut the fuck up.” After getting home and locking the doors, Obanai cursed a lot more that night, the vulgar words leaving his lips in his bratty way. He’s such a bratty sub, it’s almost hilarious.
AGED UP Muichiro— The savage one
Muichiro wasn’t weak at bar games, but even if he won, he tossed burning liquor down his throat like his life depended on it, he had you sitting on his thigh as he showed you off and played stupid games with the other hashira. It was when he noticed Zenitsu’s eyes getting a bit toooo comfy on your tits. “The fuck are you staring at? Get your nose out of her ass, bitch. I know everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege, you know that?” “Mui, baby, it’s fine—” “Dude… Chill… It’s not that deep.” “Well apparently neither is your fucking thinking. But don’t worry, you don’t have to be ashamed of yourself, that should be your parent’s jobs. They should be ashamed they wasted 9 months of their lives creating some horny teenager. Let’s go, baby.” Muichiro stands up, slips his hand into yours and pulls you out of the house. You don’t say a word, he annihilated Zenitsu.
Rengoku— The happy/cuddly one
Kyojuro and you were snuggled up on Tengen’s couch, chugging beer and sake. You find his laugh so adorable, full of energy and warmth, his cheeks lightly flushed from the heated flush of alcohol, once he started laughing, he pulled you close, so his haori hugs the both of you, coziness enveloping you both. His breath hot on your lips when he whispers so close to your face. “(Name)…. Why did the chicken cross the rode?” “Why?” “uh… I forgot.” You both giggle in your drunken states and share gentle kisses, his arms wrapped around you feel like the gentle heat of sun rays shining down and hitting your skin, safe, snug, soft, and gentle…
Part 3 at 30 likes ☺️
Part three includes “Gyomei”, “Tengen”, “Murata”, and “Good Boy Genya”
guys, I know, I’m sorry, I lied 😫🥺, I said Tengen and Gyomei would be in part 2, but it’s 3 AM and I want to do 4 people in each part!!! 😭 forgive me, lovely souls!!! 😢😢😢
I actually love this lol, part 3 coming Soooooon!
Fuck my motivation. If it doesn’t win the pole, I’m never writing it and it’s gonna be in my drafts forever unless it wins😒🙄
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